#I told you I am a softie and I’m going to draw soft things now

[avenananana]

💞

[hollandsmushroom]

could i request a boyfriend!peter fic where reader comes out to him as bi and genderfluid, but they're so nervous to do so cos they havent told anyone else and he is rlly supportive? and helps them get new clothes and cut their hair? and its fluffy and hugs and stuff?

if u dont feel comfy writing this, its ok i totally understand :) i just love ur writing so much <3

Be True To Yourself || P.P.

Peter Parker x afab(previously using she/her pronouns)Genderfluid!Reader

Word Count: 1375(I am pretty sure this is my fave thing I have every written)

Warnings: Fluff, the pain of coming out, fear, anxiety, brief mentions of break up(in passing not with intent) and I swear to fucking god, if anyone comes in my inbox angry that I didn’t trigger tag this for lgbtq content i will scream so loud your ear drums burst. 

A/N: So I don’t really talk about this much on here but I am a mostly gender nonconforming They/she, I come from a very very lgbtg family, I am a safe place, I promise!

♡✩♡✩♡✩♡✩♡

It was something about yourself that caused turmoil, it turned in your stomach as you tried to grapple with who and what you are, you knew that there was nothing wrong with your feelings, how certain forms of gender expression didn't feel right at certain times. Your mind floods with anxious thoughts as you sit on Peter’s bed, waiting for him to get back from patrol, to finally share your true self with the person that you love. Your hands twisting around each other, ringing out in a corporeal demonstration of your gut wrenching worry. 

“Y/n?” Peter’s voice breaking through the metaphysical walls of your disquietude. Your eyes drawing upwards, trailing up the black webs of his red spandex, reaching his face in time to catch as his gloved hand tug at his mask, the eye lens blinking as he pulls off his face covering. The moment seems to soften as you glance at his hair, soft locks expanding from the confines of his secret identity. “What are you doing here?” His speaking again brought you back the reveries of your hands in his hair as you laugh giddily, his body holding yours tight to his as you ignore a movie you were supposed to be watching together. 

“Hi Petey” you smile at him, tenderness in your gaze as you pat the bed next to you, signalling for him to take a seat next to you, a silent queue that he followed with much complacity. “Um, I need to talk to you about something” your eyes ducking down, an action that made Peter’s heart stop, a nervousness spreading through him rapidly as he began to feel much as you did, off kilter, as if his world was tilting beneath him. 

“Y/n, you’re kinda of scaring me” he utters, reaching out for your hand only to find it already entangled, fingers linking with fingers in a never ending exhibition of unease. 

“It’s nothing to be scared of, Petey, well I might need to be scared but it's something, well it’s something about me that I need to tell you and I haven’t told anyone and- well, Peter I am scared, I am really fucking scared” you let a tear you didn’t know you had spill, letting it fall down your cheek as you contemplate your words, silently reeling through every option you have on how to voice your being and identity to the person you love with the possibility that it could change how he loves you. 

“My sweet, you know you can tell me anything” he assures, desperately trying to get a grip on the conversation. 

“Peter, I...I can’t be your girlfriend” you murmur, quickly realizing you had chosen your words wrong as you see him freeze out of the corner of your eye, his body going rigid as the beautiful dusted rose drains from his cheeks. 

“Wha-” he starts but you cut him off immediately. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I want to be with you, I want to be yours but I can’t be your girlfriend because I-I’m not a girl, well I am sometimes and I can be your girlfriend at those times but I’m not that all the time, honestly I am whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it and well, I don’t just like boys, I like girls too, but not just girls and boys, I like everyone but not now obviously because I am with you and I would never ever do anything unfaithful to you no matter how many genders or orientations I am attracted to. Peter I can’t keep pretending to be something that I am not and I don’t want that to change us but I understand if it do-” you start giving him the spiel about how it was okay if he didn’t know how to be with you now that you have become fully yourself but his lips didn’t give you the chance, cutting you off before you could manage to put into words how easy it would be for him to leave when that was the last thing that he wants, no matter what your pronouns or who you found attractive because that didn’t change who he fell in love with, he fell in love with you, not how you expressed yourself, you, his partner, his love. Pulling away your eyes remain closed, processing the amount of emotional knowledge had been lifted from your shoulder, your chest still tightened with the love at the amount of lack lecher passion Peter had let flow into your lips. 

“Nothing could change the way I feel about you, Y/n, nothing in this world” he assures, lips still ghosting over yours as you finally manage to pry your eyes open to meet his chocolate honeyed gaze. “Is there anything that I can do to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin?” He was soft, so gentle a presence that you felt like warm milk on a cold night, he was calming your soul of your innermost turmoil. 

“I was,” you drop your eyes, examining Peter's fluttering pulse that beats at the juncture of his collar bones. “Well I was hoping to go shopping and get a haircut cause how I currently have my hair and how I currently dress doesn’t always make me feel the best” he watches you with an attentive adoration, wanting to learn how to best be your partner and ally while you learn and grow into being fully and comfortably you. “Sometimes I don’t mind it but sometimes isn’t always and in the times its not I feel like my own existence makes me itch” 

“Well we can’t have you being itchy” Peter squeezes your hips softly, tugging you closer to him as you fall back on the bed. “So I guess we shall have to go to the mall this weekend, get you a haircut, some new clothes, sound like a plan?” Peter offers and you smile unabashedly.

“The best plan” you nod sleepily into his chest, forehead grazing the emblem on his suit as you let your eyes fall shut, absolutely exhausted from the emotional strain of baring your soul to the person you love most with a possibility of getting it spat back at you, but Peter would never, he loved you more than he could understand, more than he cared to, not wanting to taint the complexities of his adoration for you with the binary idea that he could ever understand something so powerful and all encompassing. 

---------------

You stood in front of a rack of t-shirts, hangers dawned with fun patterned graphic tees as you, searching for something new to complete your style, something that felt more true to you when you didn’t feel like wearing any of the clothes that you already owned, something that would go along well with the way your hair was now styled. Peter was not standing with you, having wandered off minutes before to go find something that he thought you would enjoy. The feeling of someone near you making you turn to face where the sensation was coming from, your eyes finding your grinning boyfriend. I

"I have an idea!" Peter smiles excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he fiddles with a pack of bracelets in his hand. "So um, I was thinking we could assign each bracelet pronouns so I know which ones to use when to use which pronoun" you felt like you were glowing, fully understood for the first time in your life and there is nothing more valuable than that, than feeling totally and completely seen and accepted for who and what you were. Tears flood your eyes without your consent as you smile stupidly back at Peter whose face was falling, hand reaching out to cup your cheek. "Baby, did I say something wrong?" you shook your head, nuzzling deeper into his palm.

"No, no Petey, I just feel good in my own skin for once in my life" you blubber.

"I just want my partner to be happy" his thumb brushes over your orbital bone, wiping away a fallen tear. "Because I love them with everything I have”

“I love you too Petey, so much”

let me know what you thought

♡Taglist♡

@iluvdeja @quaksonhehe @lovehollandy12 @thollandneedy @prancerrparkerr @parkerpeter24 @hollandsour @evermoreholland @harmqnia @thehumanistsdiary @samaraaaaa @itscaminow @alinastarkrovs @marvelsbitch8 @celestialholland @kasidy409 @parkerdarling @scarletspideyy @capital-koreasofia @marvelhasmyheart235 @hackerholland @tom-softie @hollandsjen @tomhollandsbitch8 @bi-lmg07 @reawritesthings @tomsholland2412 @lowkey-holland @cocoamoonmalfoy

[shoichee]

May I request a matchup please?

I go with she/her and I'm Straight! Pretty outgoing at some point but mostly is that calm sunshine in the group (or that's what I've been told) I am a Virgo and an ENFP! You see where the energy is coming yes? Hehe

Anyways,Hobbies,, You can say almost anything fun. I love sports especially Volleyball and basketball. I definitely enjoy singing, drawing, painting, writing and so many things- I just can't stop haha!

Strength? The ability to talk to Everyone easily! Communication! I love interacting with people and I honestly think its one strong point for me! I usually get pissed at people easily but Somehow they turn around and become nice to me so It doesn't bother me much anymore!

Weaknesses,, Stress is the biggest one. I can't function straight with stress and I lose my control and focus. I get really vulnerable and weak under it and like,, oops. Also Insecurities are part of the whole thing but that goes with Everyone I guess.

My interests revolve around almost everything. Curiosity. Mhm. Oh and Also I LIVE for making Others feel better. No matter who I try to take care of Everyone around me and all. Even if other people thought they were bad and Hideous. I just give the person a chance and then,,,, I get easily attached. Help.

Ah, I am not the tallest but Is 5'475 tall? Hehe,, lets not talk about the rest- Long dark hair with some hazel highlights and slightly tanned skin.

Hmm what else. Ah yes! One main thing that I LOVE is Roller Coasters.

I hope that's enough?? Haha Hope you have a good day/night! Stay Hydrated!

I just saw that another anon Said that they forgot something and since mine is in the askbox I was wondering if It's okay to add some small things? Minor details? If so here are mine🥺 (I don't remember if I submitted as an anonymous or not but I'm the ENFP gal who has a lot of energy uhh Volleyball basketball gal?)

I am a big softie who EASILY gets attached to people/things/animals and even numbers. If I liked someone and they liked this specific number, this number is now one of my favorites. Colors as well. Anything that resembles someone I really like. Plushies? If anyone got me one I'm definitely cherishing it but best gifts would be colorsets. I love coloring so any color set makes me happy.

I am a total softie. I would appear to be confident and more mature but I have this soft side in me. (And that side who squeals and screams in horror movies as well) I cry while watching shows and Whatever happens that makes me happy makes me soft like 🥺

Food makes me happy as well (Idk I'm hungry had to put that in)

Sorry If that caused you confusion and if that was messy-

Hope you have a Lovely day/night Darlin!!💖💖

AHHHHH HI, I AM BACK AND READY TO DO YOUR MATCHUP FELLOW ENFP(and ENTP oof)  HERE TOO I RELATE KEKE YOU SOUND SO WHOLESOME AND SWEET JUST AHHHHHH– anywho….. I am…. Sincerely sorry I went on an unannounced hiatus–

Best Matchup…

Sakurai Ryō

listen, HEAR ME OUT

he’s an INFP first off, the butter to your ENFP bread and he’s a virgo too

he’d probably be intimidated by you first by how chatty you can get ✋😭 but he’ll always be in the background, noticing your presence, being that the very observant guy he is

but you’re always hanging around the basketball courts and he has that curiosity in him that he can’t bring himself to shake off

everyone calls you the oh so wonderful “calm sunshine” and the mega-softie that he can’t help but want to get to know you, but he doubts your reputation and rumors about you just a smidge bit when he sees you yelling your ass off at Aomine, because let’s face it, he brings out the worst sides in everyone LMAO and he’s NEVER OUTWARDLY NICE (Aomine—stop making things harder for everyone, I’m begging–)

of course, noticing Sakurai doing his own shooting drills many times while you hang around the courts, you’ve tried a few times to approach him to say a quick “hi” and a chat, but he IMMEDIATELY books it out the door every time, all while frantically chanting “sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

you’re here like: “??????????? What did I do?”

it was by pure chance when you guys ended up in the same class that spring, I just know it

it was during a break when you, who were seated pretty close to Sakurai, couldn’t help but take a quick peek on his desk when you realized he was moving his pencil in a way that only an artist would do: he was drawing something

oh no… someone got a wee bit excited at that, totally not you right now or anything

even when he was half covering the paper while timidly sketching, you could totally see that he was drawing some manga panels and quickly outlining some dialogue bubbles

you made a suppressed delighted noise and he INSTANTLY scrambled to cover his sketch with his entire body on the damn desk and snapped his head up to look at the source of the sound: you

“Uh-uh..Uhm…! I’m sorry!”

“No, no!” you tried to reassure him. “I should be sorry for looking at your art without asking…”

“Oh…” he hesitated, before sitting properly again… though his arm still protectively covered the paper. “It’s fine… so…”

“But by the way!” you chimed. “I really love your art style! I draw too, so I was just really excited to see you did too, sorry if I scared you… I never meant to, ehe.”

he dares to try to glance at your figure at your giggle, but he immediately averts his gaze away in embarrassment… does he have an eensy crush on Touou’s “calm sunshine?” he doesn’t dare to even think

I would think for the next few weeks, you would be the one to initiate all the conversations with him in class, talking about manga and sharing your own drawings to make him feel better, even bringing up basketball as a topic frequently

he slowly becomes more comfortable with you, now realizing that you aren’t here to hassle/embarrass/bully/take advantage of him… poor guy

I suppose this is where your comforting side kicks in a lot more; you’re very protective of him in general, because LOOK AT HIM and tell me he isn’t the SOFTEST GUY YOU’VE EVER MET?

you’ve slowly led him to have more agency on himself + with others and have a little more self-esteem on all the encouragement and reassurance?? and you always try your best to make him feel better?

he likes that you’re the more “mature” and “put-together” one out of the two, you’re someone he can rely on in that sense

there’s gonna be a LONG TIME where he thinks he can’t be with you because he thinks he doesn’t deserve you—someone help this poor guy out

and you’re probably giving the most OBVIOUS signs that you’re smitten with him and everyone around you two are just slapping their faces like: “DUDE… you’ve GOT to be kidding me…”

fast forward where you’re probably the one who confessed and then you two get together

he’s surprisingly calm under large amounts of pressure (he has to, that’s his entire life on the courts), and when it’s with you (someone who he really, REALLY cares about) he’s willing to steel himself to be someone you can rely on during periods of high-stress and vulnerability

he gives sound advice, being really down to earth

as much as he has tons of insecurities on his own, when you have your own bouts of insecurities, he’s rushing to reassure you so adamantly and vehemently that it’s almost comical how passionate he is to dispel your negative thoughts

like, he understands you down to a T because he faces the same struggles himself

you BOTH can cry and squeal at all the types of movies together in a collective sobfest for movie marathons

bonus: there was a time when you gifted Sakurai a mushroom plush, as per his team’s suggestion… not knowing that they were snickering the entire time

“Wha-wha…? What’s with everyone associating me with mushrooms…?”

“Hm? I thought they were your favorite food? And your team told me you would love something like this…”

“Uh… erm… I guess… though I don’t think I’ve ever said any of that.”

a light bulb went off in your head, then a very large irk mark replaced it… you immediately turned and stormed off to find the conniving Imayoshi to yell his damn ear off… leaving a very confused Sakurai behind

his gifts for you on the other hand, are impeccable and well-thought out, always giving you art supplies and trinkets and plushes you might fancy

Runner-Up Matchup!

Kiyoshi Teppei

I was debating between Sakurai and him SO MUCH

let’s just say both are great matchups to you

Anyways, our local ENFJ here is just as sunny as you here

with you two together? godamn, it’s too bright looking at you two standing next to each other, flashing everyone the brightest smiles out there like there will never be rain (cue the sunshine anime sound effect with all of the yellow rays coming off of you two)

both of you guys are quite the conversationalists, livening up any place you guys go to

like… you guys are really similar to each other, no really

it’s not hard to believe for anyone that you two would become great friends and then accidentally fall in love with each other eventually, and it feels all too natural

the only thing that distinguishes him from you is his very strong will and strong mental state overall

he isn’t the “Iron Heart” for nothing

he would definitely keep you grounded on your feet when things get mentally tough, always being there to say the right things and help you relieve the stress through massages and doing some work for you (if he can); also canon because he does this for the Seirin team

and he’s always there to stop you from being too nice to people (especially if these people were vicious and awful to you one moment and then become nice to you the next)... or instead of stopping you from doing anything, he LETS you be nice and chatty, but while you turn around to leave/do something different, he gives them a quite threatening (knowing) smile of his own as a warning not take advantage of you

he’s… not adept with his hands in terms of arts and crafts, so while you stare at wonder at his basketball techniques, he admires your dexterity with a pencil and brush… you’re like the Renaissance goddess to him or something

“Please Teppei, It’s not THAT much of a masterpiece.”

“(y/n), you know you should give yourself some cre~dit.” He would cheekily say while mussing up your hair (he, in fact, quite loves that your highlights really do remind him of sun rays)

“Hey!!”

both of you are literally holding onto each other for dear life when you two thought it was a bright idea to sit down and watch a horror movie together; it’s canon that a horror movie caused him to develop a huge fear of rats… so I’m just saying

“(y/n)! You sing?? Wow, lucky me, getting free front-row seats.”

“And who said I sing for free?” you playfully chided, and he gave a good-natured smirk of his own

“I’m glad you asked, because I can be the instrumental backing to your vocals, so I’ll be technically working to support you, as always.” he reaches into his back pocket to pull out…

a harmonica

a fucking harmonica

“How am I gonna sing to THAT?”

“Let’s try it out, shall we, (y/n)?”

bonus: imagine the hellstorm the Kirisaki Daichi team is gonna get when you see Teppei in a horrible state after that match

Honorable Mention!

Kise Ryōto

did you say your interests revolve around everything??

did you say that you like to sing?

did you say you like to talk with people?

say less, for you have summoned the one and only Kise

canonically, Kise is pretty much the only guy with dyed hair (he actually has brown hair while everyone else has natural black), so when he spies your hair also being a bit different from the rest, he remembers your face

he noticed how sociable you are and how you got along with most people around school

and he finds you a bit more intriguing than your average person to be honest

why did I not put this guy at the top of your matchups? it all lies within his twisted personality

Kise, being an asshole that he is, would talk to you frequently and have you wrapped around his finger (YIKES, aka the people Teppei would warn to stay away from you)

I can already imagine the drama between the two of you and all the misunderstandings things are gonna cause–

see, you’re a great communicator, and contrary to popular belief, Kise really isn’t the best communicator at all—always keeping his real feelings to himself, accidentally assuming things at times, jumping to conclusions, hiding his motives at times

you’re an ultimate softie at heart and get attached really easily, and Kise at first, chalks you up as any other fangirl he’s met (OUCH)

and even when he finally reveals a more sinister side to himself, and you get pissed off and storm off, he’s a bit… thrown off… when you’re back to begrudgingly talk to him again the next time you encounter him

like, you guys will be going through 75282 hurdles before you guys truly see eye-to-eye with each other, but IF THAT HYPOTHETICALLY DID HAPPEN ALREADY…

you guys would be softies together!! he glomps on you, gets all childish on you, and you’re the sentimental person crying and being emotional

when you’re unbelievably stressed, he’s automatically by your side to support you and your needs

and when his team loses again in another match/tournament, and Kise is THIS close to crying again, you do everything you can in hopes of comforting him

people would probably look at you two and go, “eurgh, cheesy”

frequent karaoke night trips!!

you guys just share hobbies and try everything like it’s a trading card game

always going to the fairs and amusement parks to try on all the rides for fun

insanely tooth-rotting fluff in a nutshell if you can get past the huge initial obstacles

[ryuichirou]

If you feel like it i'd like to hear your headcanons/thoughts about ererei, i love how you draw them !!

Anon!! Sorry for the late reply, I got excited about your ask and wanted to reply to it properly… I love Ererei! Like I said before, their dynamic is very interesting and fun, and I always feel like I don’t talk about them enough and don’t draw them enough LOL but I have a huge soft spot for them and Reiner in general. I’ve talked about them a little bit in this reply, but I’m pretty sure you’ve already read it… 

Here are some headcanons! It’s been a while since we had a headcanon list wow… I love writing those to be honest, so thanks for your ask! <3

There… are a couple of wholesome and soft ones but they turned out to be quite spicy and horny, so please keep that in mind, sorry if you wanted them to be more PG lol

In Reiner’s eyes Eren’s always been special, but Reiner didn’t fully understand how special he was. At first, he was proud to have Eren around, since Eren respected him and looked up to him. But now the tables has turned, and Reiner legit gets butterflies in his stomach and feels week in the knees: Eren surprises and overwhelms him every time they interact.

Reiner is quite special in Eren’s eyes too. Of course now that he knows the real Reiner his attitude towards him changed, but he still respects him and likes him: more than Reiner realizes. Sometimes Reiner feels like he’s nothing in Eren’s eyes, and this isn’t true at all.

When they spend time together, it’s kind of awkward for Reiner, since he doesn’t really know how to act and feels guilty for lying to Eren for so long. Of course the “lie” itself can be different: there are a lot of AUs, but I feel like even if Reiner isn’t an Armored titan, he’d feel kind of bad for acting like a whole different person for Eren for years. Even if he can’t really help it.

Eren always takes the initiative, and Reiner kind of likes it, even though he’s usually a bit shook when it happens. But the thought of stopping worrying and thinking and just giving in to Eren is too tempting.

When Reiner tries to be initiative for a change (like lean for a kiss for example or hug Eren), he shivers a little bit in anticipation of Eren’s reaction. Sometimes he’s a bit scared.

Sometimes Eren looks annoyed by Reiner being so scared of him, and it does annoy him sometimes, but for the most part it just turns him on more and provokes him.

Eren loves touching Reiner’s body and grabbing him randomly: he noticed that Reiner gets all anxious (and aroused) when he does it in public, so he can do that from time to time… not very often though. Wouldn’t want Reiner to get used to it + seeing Reiner anticipating it not knowing if it’s going to happen is fun too.

What do you mean “does Eren like touching Reiner’s boobs”? Come on. He bites his nips quite often too.

Reiners unleashes Eren’s inner sadist, and vice-versa: things happen very naturally with them, and they often find themselves in a “ok how did this happen” type of situation.

Reiner tries control himself for the most part, but he can get very sensitive, reactive, blushing and tender if stimulated in a right way. It’s difficult for him to be quiet when it happens: even if he can stop his moans somehow, his heavy breathing is too darn loud.

Eren can get Reiner to this level of arousal quite easily, and he can do it without even touching him: verbal stuff gets to Reiner very easily.

One time Reiner got very horny without Eren even saying anything: he was just staring at him for a long time, and after like 10 minutes Reiner was a mess.

I think this is one of those couples that can have dom/sub games?? Like, legit sessions.

The majority of them wouldn’t be in a bedroom though. Too romantic.

Sometimes it looks like Eren is just straight-up bullying Reiner, but Eren knows that Reiner actually enjoys this type of treatment and looks forward to it. Especially when it’s punishing in some ways: the best type of games with Reiner is “ok you’ve been bad” type of games.

Sometimes Eren teases Reiner but doesn’t deliver the bullying part, just because the barely noticeable disappointed and confused sigh of Reiner is too amusing for Eren.

“You actually did that huh” – is a phrase that Eren says to Reiner quiet often after he does something embarrassing as a part of their game.

There was that one time when Eren told Reiner to go to the bathroom, take his underwear off and then come back and give it to Eren as a proof that he actually did it. After Reiner fought his horniness and embarrassment and had an existential crisis and finally fucking did just that and gave Eren his undies, Eren went “what is that why are you giving it to me” because he’s already forgotten about this. Even though it’s been like 15 minutes.

If Eren gets sleepy after having sex and decides to take a nap, he almost always uses Reiner as a pillow, especially the softest parts of his body (boobs and butt). And sometimes it can be a sweet and tender moment for Reiner because he can finally relax for once and just watch Eren sleep. Overall Reiner is a softie, so he enjoys these moments.

Until Eren wakes up and bites him. Oh who am I kidding, Reiner likes it too.

[aesthbaby]

Attention pt. 2

Summary: After being the unsub’s latest victim in a joint case with the BAU, you see what was missing. Nothing’s ever been clearer and all it took was being rendered unconscious by an unsub in front of your girlfriend and her entire team. 

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Plus!size reader

Prompt: Check part one

Warnings: cursing | kissing | injury | mentions of a fictional case | poisoning

Word count: 2719

Masterlist

An: I’m pretty sure you can read this as a stand alone if you wanted to but here’s part one. Also, I’m sorry this took me 2 months to publish.

The moon is brighter than the sun? No I’m pretty sure the sun is. What’s wrong with me? Why does my head hurt?

You attempt to reach for your head but your arms are too heavy to be of any use. 

That’s definitely not the moon.

The light source is moving. It’s a flashlight, the pocket sized one.

“Stay with us.” You hear a jumble voice from behind but can’t make out who it is. “We’re almost there.” The light is too bright but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. It hurts. “No, no stay up. We’re almost there.” It’s Emily, and she’s the source of the blinding presence. “Can you sit up for me?” You’re saying yes but nothing seems to come out and all you feel is fatigue. Your body is leaving this earth.

And there she is, yelling your name as its being drowned out by the darkness that’s enveloping you.

~~~~~~~~

“Hey!” Emily shouts from the stairs. “Stop day-dreaming and help me.”

“Help you? What’s going on?” The ground feels unsteady but the scene looks familiar.

Emily sets the box of towels on the counter top. “What?”

“Where am I?” You start to examine your hands, wondering what in the holy hell is happening.

“Babe,” The nickname gets your attention immediately. “Are you okay?”

“Emily,” She places a hand on your forehead.

“No fever.”

“Emily, I’ve already done this.”

“What do you mean?” She laughs. “We’ve been at this for hours. You have may more stuff than you let on. Plus, if we’ve ‘already done this’ I wouldn’t have had to tote all of these boxes by myself.”

A ‘sorry’ almost rolls off your tongue but it doesn’t make a sound. “No, Em I’m being serious.”

She plops down on the white arm chair and let’s out a huff. “Fine, you got me.” At your confused expression, she continues. “We’ve been here before, atleast you have. Three months ago you moved into this apartment with the love of your life, Emily Prentiss.”

Barely managing a stutter, “You’re not Emily?”

“Yes. Well, not exactly. I’m your version of her.”

“Am I-” You swallow the lump in your throat before saying the next part. “Dead?”

“What?” She smiles. “No. Just sleeping. A deep sleep at that.” She mumbles the last part.

“What happened? Why am I here?” You Can feel the panic and dread starting to set in. “I want Emily. I don’t want to be here.”

“Woah.” The brunette stands from her seat. “Calm down, you’re okay. Just take it easy.”

“Easy?” Now the anger is starting to boil. “I’m in a fucking coma with a fake girlfriend and you’re telling me to ‘take it easy??”

“Hey, look at me.” When you don’t move to look at her she gently takes your head. “You’re not in a coma y/n/n. You’re just sleeping.”

A tear starts to wellup in your eye. “But what does that mean?”

“Do you remember why you went to work with me today?”

“Uh,” You trail. “I think it was for a case.”

“Right, but why were you there?”

“Emily mentioned me to Hotch a year ago, about how good of an agent I am. That was before we were together.”

“Right,” She nods while doing that lip biting thing. “But why?”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘why?’ I don’t know why.” You begin to pace the shared loft. “I thought she was just putting in a good word for me.”

“Y/n, you know there’s more to it than that.”

You stop your movement and turn to face her. “Then tell me, you know!”

“No I don’t. I told you in not really her; I’m your version of her. I only know as much as you know.”

You slowly sink down on the plush couch. “I want Emily. I want the real Emily.”

“Then go to her.” She sits beside you and lays a gentle hand on your knee.

“How? I don’t even know why I’m here or what’s going on with me. I just want to go home.” The tears are staring again but not falling.

“Yes you do. Come with me.” She stands and holds out a pale palm to you. Hesitantly taking it, she leads you to your bedroom door. “Are you ready?” As soon as she sees you nod she opens the door and a bright light pulls you both in.

“Em, where are we?” In front of you is the bed to which you’ve been sharing for months now. On it is Emily in one of your big t-shirts on the phone with someone. “Wha-”

“Wait,” Your artificial Emily whispers.

The closet door opens and you step out in the new pajamas she bought you. “You look good.” She smiles with the phone away from her ear.

“Who is that?” You mouth as you crawl into bed with her.

“Hotch.” The classic toothy smile is on display as she replies. “Yes! Sir— I’m sorry but I- no we do not. Okay thank you.”

“What was that?”

“Hotch was asking for my input on the new trainees.”

“And....?”

“I did a thing.” She drags.

“A thing?” You arch your eyebrow.

“Yes.” She moves to straddle your lap.

“What was it?” Her lips on your neck completely scrambles your brain. Effectively making you forget what you were asking.

“What is this? I barely remember it.” You turn to face your rendition of Emily. All you get is a shrug in reply from her. “She wasn’t actually talking about trainees, was she?” Another shrug. “I’ll take that as a no. Was she talking about the poisoning case?” Silence. “She recommended my department to help with the murders.”

“Finally, but you still don’t know why.”

“Do I need to? Why does it actually matter.”

“Come on babe,” She brushes a hand down your arm. “I know you’re smarter than this.”

“Since when do you call me ‘babe?”

“We’ve been over this, I’m not Emily. I’m your version of Emily and apparently you subconsciously wish she’d call you more pet names.”

I’ve never thought of it like that...

“I want to show you something else,” She gestures to the bathroom. “Pay attention this time.” As she leads you through the door you can hear your past self speaking.

“She told me I have a weight problem with a god complex intertwined.” You huff from the bathroom mirror.

“Who?” Em is sitting on the edge of the bath moisturizing.

“That bitch I work with!”

“The same one who asked if Africa was a country?” She scrunches her face up in a disgusted twist.

“Yes! Who says that to someone?”

“Yeah how did she get into the academy anyway?”

“Privilege, both Pretty and Rich.”

She lets out a scuff. “That cannot be real.” You turn to her with a confused look. “Pretty privilege.”

“It’s very real and you clearly have it.”

The brunette stops dead in her tracks. “What?”

“You’re gorgeous Em, and you have been appointed more opportunities for it.”

“I’d like to think differently....” she trails.

“I’m not saying you haven’t worked hard to get where you are today but your looks have pushed you a bit further than the rest of us.”

She’s silent for a bit, to the point where you start to worry that you’ve done something wrong. “Then what does that make you?”

You place your towel on the rack and turn to face her again. “What do you mean?”

“You have the looks, charm, and brains. Do you consider yourself to be ‘privileged?”

Completely bipassing the question, “You think I’m pretty?”

“Was that not obvious before? I practically drool whenever I look at you.” She’s as sincere as always but your eye rolls says you don’t believe her. “I know how you can get trapped inside your head sometimes, but I want you to know that I do not share the opinions you have of yourself. You look at yourself and dismiss your beauty while I embrace it. You’re always doubting your intellect when I find myself wondering how I got so lucky to fall in love with a female version of Spencer.” Your small smile morphs into a laugh at the Spencer mention.

“I can’t stand it when you go all soft on me.” Hearing Emily say stuff like this always surprises you because she’s not really the type of person to confess all of this first. It’s usually you who has to adress your emotions as a couple.

“Only for you.” She leans up and plants a kiss on your cheek.

As the memory fades you turn to the consciousness you’ve been talking to. “Shit.”

“Yup.” She draws.

“The reason she didn’t see my connection to the victims is because she doesn’t see that side of. She doesn’t see me as her ‘Plus-Sized Girlfriend.’ She only sees me as her girlfriend, no other labels attached.”

“So, you get it? Do understand why?”

“I get it now.” A tear teeters on the edge of your eyelid. “Yeah, I get it.”

She snakes an arm around you, effectively pulling you into a tight hug. “Are you ready now?” She even smells like your Emily, the memory making the tear fall from your eye. “Remember what I showed you, okay?” Before you can respond a warm light envelopes you.

It makes sense now, she recommended me for the case because of my abilities, no because we’re together or she wanted me to get ahead. She has a blind spot that’s blocking a good chunk of her perception of me. She couldn’t have known I would’ve been targeted. The unsub could’ve been watching me way before I got involved. There’s still a bunch of holes in the case but this is the best you’ve got. Please remember all of this before you wake up.

Your eyes are heavy again. The room feels cold but warm at the same time. Trying to peak out of one eye proves more difficult than it seems. The blinding light of the room is overwhelming, it’s like white ice. Now I’m not making sense. You try to cry out for someone, anyone, but the words die off on your dry lips before they can formulate. “Hey,” You hear a voice softy call from the other side of the room. A tender hand plants itself on your knee, making you flinch a bit. “Glad to see you awake.” Why do I know that voice? In front of your barely open eye is a blonde blob; as your eyes began to focus you realize it’s Jennifer.

As you try to master a hey all that comes out is a low croak. “Its okay, don’t try to speak just yet.” Everything in your head feels fuzzy but the only thing you’re able to think about is Emily. A hum that barely resembles an ‘M’ boils out your vocal cords.

“Emily?” She clarifies on your behalf. A small smile breaches your features. “I’ll go get her and the doctor.” No less that a minute later you can hear her healed boots tapping towards the room. She rushes to your side, planting kisses along your forehead. The doctor does her round of intake on your body with Emily glued to your side.

“Agent y/l/n should make a full recovery so long as the healing process goes as planned.” Was all you managed to absorb as she explained the aftercare plan for you. All of this while JJ is in the background putting the pieces together. She had a feeling Emily was seeing someone but had no idea that someone was you. The way she’d been acting since you collapsed in the office made her also connect the dots. Emily explained her concerned behavior as a long friendship you two once had. Everything was starting to make sense now; you’re the one person who could break Emily’s walls and tear down this compartmentalization bullshit she has going on. Not wanting to impede on what she can only assume is a private moment, she steps out of the room to inform the rest of the team.

“Are you okay?” It’s like she wants to cry, scream, ball her eyes out but all of that built up emotional strain won’t allow her. Instead of letting her do this to herself, you try your best to shift in the bed. “What are you doing?” You didn’t get very far but now there’s an empty space beside you. Motioning for her to lay next to you actually works. With both of you in the annoying small hospital bed you can hold her closer, feeling the quick heart beat. The brunette head of hair in nuzzled in your chest so not to interfere with the tubes and wires still attached to you.

Taking a deep breath and just enjoying the moment, you finally speak. “I’m okay. I mean I feel like I swallowed sandpaper but I’m okay.” You can almost feel the sigh release from her chest.

“We still have no idea how you were poisoned or why you were targeted.” Her jaded voice is always never this emotional, it’s strange to hear her so vulnerable. “For the smartest minds of the FBI we feel a little stupid.” The laugh the bounces around in your throat is painful, still welcomed. “Baby,” She starts after a moment of silence. “If I have realized the connection between you and the victims, I wouldn’t have let you work this.”

“You didn’t know,” You have no idea where this is coming from but something in the back of your mind is telling you to explain it to her. “You don’t see all of me, Em.”

She sniffles and buried herself deeper into you. “When I look at you, all I see is you. I don’t see your weight or your figure, I only see you. My girlfriend. You’re right, that’s the problem. I’m only seeing part of you. Not all of you. I don’t deserve you.” She moves to stand but you quickly pull her back in before she gets the chance.

“You can’t run from this, Emily. I understand that you didn’t do this intentionally.”

“My actions- blindness almost costed you your life. I can’t put you in danger again.” When she pulls away you let her go this time.

“Emily. You’ve ran away from your own shadow before, aren’t you tired?”

“If it means keeping you safe, I’ll file a fucking restraining order!” She nearly yells.

“Don’t do that. Everytime you fuck up you get that look in your eye like I’m going to break up with you or something. I’m not. I know you’re waiting on the other shoe to drop but I promise it’s not. All of those other guys you’ve been with? I’m not them. Big difference is that I’m female and a lot more mature. I’m also not as psychotic as he who shall not be named.” A small smile breaches her features. “I love you. Rather you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”

“Oh really? Wait until Garcia finds out I’ve been hiding this from her. She’s going to wanna know all about you. You’ll definitely be invited to the next girls night.”

“I don’t mind.” You shrug. “But seriously, how did I get poisoned?”

“The forensic team is still searching our place, nothing yet but you know they like to take their sweet time with cases. I’ve obviously be recused from the case while the rest of the team works with the CDC and the Anti-terrorism division. We also have agents and Unis posted outside the room and hospital so the Unsub has no chance of coming after you again. Even an added air filter so he has no vent system.” She waves towards the attachment on top of the existing air vent. No wonder the air smells so crisp in here.

“Sounds like I’m in good hands.”

“You are, just wish I could be out there with them.”

“You’re right where you need to be, right where I need you.” You stretch your arms out to her like the way a child does.

She laughs at the gesture but complies. Instead of squishing into the small bed she drags the chair to the side of your bed, firmly clasping your hand in her’s.

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[animeyanderelover]

Hi just wanted to say I enjoy all your posts and you did such a wonderful job on the last request I sent for hxh gon and killua poly headcanons I thought I'd ask again this time for a prompt for Kurapika Kurta. With a s/o who has been kidnapped but is a writer and in the spare time of their capture writes a lot in journals stories poetry . I thought it go great with this prompt in particular 44. “Escaping is all you think about, isn’t it? Always dreaming about it, always thinking about it?”

You don’t know how happy I am to hear this😊. Felt in a softer mood and that’s reflected in here.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, overprotectiveness, mentions of kidnapping

Prompt 44: “Escaping is all you think about, isn’t it? Always dreaming about it, always thinking about it?”

It was a rather peaceful evening for you. Probably because you hadn’t tried anything the last few weeks, not trying to escape, not trying to somehow poison him. You had just stayed in the house and here and there helped cleaning up. And you could tell that Kurapika was clearly relieved that you hadn’t tried something. He hated punishing you. He was of course still cautious in case that all of this was just an act, but you from all the people knew the best that you weren’t lying. You had admitted defeat. A person could only endure that much pain and witnessing people getting killed before giving up. You admitted that your mind was filled with the thoughts of escaping, but you had decided to give up. You knew when a situation was hopeless. You wouldn’t be able to get out of this alone. At least you had one thing where you could let all your thoughts out because there was no way you would ever let Kurapika know what was going on in your head. You were talking about writing poetries, songs and just in general your thoughts in your journal down which was of course kept a secret from Kurapika. He was already watching over nearly everything you did so to have a bit of privacy with this journal was nice.

That didn’t necessarily mean that Kurapika was a bad person all the time. To some degree you could even understand why he was acting like this. Having his whole clan perished had for sure left some deep scars in his mind. You could understand that he was too afraid to lose someone else he loved. That was probably another reason why you had decided to at least physically stop trying to escape him. You felt bad for him. This boy was the result that showed what the cruelty of the world could turn people into. You guessed since you were a poetry writer and often needed to think about things in another aspect you were able to sympathize with him to some degree. Somewhere deep down in your heart you wished him to be happy. If you were honest with yourself, you couldn’t even hate him really. You didn’t love him, but you didn’t hate him as well. You tried to draw a clear line between your feelings so that you wouldn’t actually end up falling for him. But sometimes he made it incredibly hard for you to not bring your heart to flutter in your chest. It were those moments where he didn’t stare at you with those intimidating scarlet eyes of his and didn’t ramble angrily that he only did this for you and that he wanted to protect you. No, it were those softer moments where he showed that he genuinely cared for you. And this evening happened to be one of those moments.

“Kurapika! Please stop! It’s a bit embarrassing!”, you giggled out, not really meaning it. Kurapika on the other hand was too busy with placing soft kisses all over your face and neck, smiling warmly when he heard your giggling. Both of you were currently lying on the couch, you were lying on top of him. This scene looked almost normal and you could have almost thought that Kurapika was a normal and loving boyfriend. But his slightly too possessive grip he had around your waist reminded you that he was never really able to truly let all his dark feelings disappear for a moment. But in this moment it was not so painfully visible than in others. “(y/n).”, you heard him softly speaking your name. You looked him directly in his grey eyes which were shining with pure love at you. “I love you.” You swore that your heart nearly melted for a moment, the sincerity in his voice being a bit too much for you to handle. “I-I don’t know what to say.”, you somehow stuttered out, feeling heat rushing to your cheeks. For a short moment you were worried that he would be offended by this, but he wasn’t. Instead he gave you a small smile. “It’s alright. With time you will learn to love me and I promise I’ll always protect you.” Dear heart, stay still. “You know, you can be a real softie.”, you told him slightly amused, slightly flattered. Since you were lying on top of him you were able to feel his calm and steady heartbeat and the regular and long raising and fall of his chest. It told you that he was completely relaxed now.

One short glance out of the window told you that it was already pretty late. You really wanted to write down a new poetry you had come up with today. It was only an idea so far, but you knew that as soon as you would sit in front of an empty paper with a pen in your hand you would be able to make something out of it. But for this to happen you needed to get out of his grip as nice as this all was. You wanted to finish your day with writing something in your journal and then going to sleep just like everyday before. “Kurapika,”, you began and he hummed quietly,”I’m a bit tired. Can I go to bed?” Kurapika didn’t seem to like the idea very much since he had you right now all to himself. He pushed himself a little bit up so that his face was only a few inches away from yours. “Please just a few more minutes. Let’s stay like this a few more minutes.”, he pleaded. You didn’t say anything what he took as a yes. He closed the distance between your faces to press his lips for a short moment against your before lying back down and pressing you slightly closer to his body.

Your mind was racing with a million thoughts whilst you were brushing your teeth. The two main topics your thoughts were circling around were the poetry and Kurapika. Thinking back to the very intimate time the both of you had just shared together made your heart speed up a bit. You definitely preferred Kurapika when he was like this, he was so much more calm and understanding with you than when he was angry. You hurried up to finish your business in the bathroom and hurried back to your room. You walked towards the bookshelf and searched for something until you pulled out a certain book, tossing it aside and stretching your arm out to reach the thing behind it. Due to the black cover it was nearly invisible and you knew that Kurapika wasn’t interested in this section of the books. After a few tries you were finally able to get a hold on it and pulled your black journal out. You didn’t know if you were being too cautious with it, but you really didn’t want Kurapika to find it and read it. All of your thoughts, feelings and secrets were entrusted in this book here. You grabbed a pen and opened up the next free page, collecting all your thoughts before starting to write. It was always helping you to sleep better when you just emptied your mind at the end of the night out.

I have often dreamed of a far-off place

Where a hero is welcome

Will be waiting for me

Where the crowds will cheer

When they see my face

And a voice keeps saying

This is where I’m meant to be

I will find my way

I can go the distance

I’ll be there someday

If I can be strong

I know every mile will be worth my while

I would go almost anywhere to feel like I Belong

I am on my way

I can go the distance

I don’t care how far

Somehow I’ll be strong

I know every mile will be worth my while

I would go almost anywhere to find where

I belong

You read shortly through it, satisfied with what you’ve done. But now you had to hurry a bit. Kurapika could come in now at every moment. You quickly pulled the book out and stuffed your journal in it before putting the book back in it’s place. You couldn’t help, but feel relieved like every time when you managed to keep your journal a secret from him. You knew that he always checked at evening the area around the house to prevent possible threats from coming near it. Not like he would let them pass anyways. You had measured the time he needed for this, giving you each evening a time window from half an hour. Now you just had to wait for him to come back. You just layed down into your bed and waited for him. You glanced out of the window, looking at the dark forest surrounding you. And for a split second you thought you saw something moving, but you weren’t sure if it was just some tree or animal.

When you woke up the rays of sunlight were already tickling your face. You must have fallen asleep before Kurapika came home because you couldn’t remember that you had felt him joining you in bed. Did you fall that fast asleep? “I see that you’re awake now.” The moment you heard his voice was the moment you knew that something wasn’t right. His voice sounded tensed up. Another thing that you realized that didn’t seem right was the fact that he wasn’t lying next to you. He normally always stayed with you in bed in the morning until you were awake. You slowly sat up and looked around. Your heart stopped beating when you saw what had happened. In a mountain of books sprawled randomly on the floor was sitting Kurapika. He had emptied the whole bookshelf. But that wasn’t the thing that striked fear inside your heart. It was the book with the black cover he was holding in his hands, flipping through it’s pages. He looked calm, but his burning scarlet eyes told you differently. How much had he already read? Obviously enough or else his eyes wouldn’t have started to glow.

You were just staring at him, feeling your own heart drumming against your chest. You didn’t move, not even when he slowly stood up and walked over to you. Under his burning gaze it felt like your skin was crawling. His calm appearance and his glowing eyes made your whole body froze. He slowly sat down next to you, lifting the book until it was right in front of your eyes. Your eyes shifted back and forth between the book and him. Months of your thoughts were written down in this journal. Diary entries, confessions, hopes, everything! Why was he acting so terribly calm when his eyes showed clearly that he was mad?! “H-how?”, you stuttered out, not able to bring more than one word over your lips. “I saw you through the window.” The window? Wait, the window! That meant that you saw yesterday him! “I never knew that you had a journal. You’re really structured with it. You wrote even the time down. It’s really fascinating what you write down in here. I didn’t know you were into poetry.” You somehow knew that from the way he said it that he must had read the whole thing. He was still holding the journal in front of you and you forced your shaking hands to grab it and press it tightly against your chest.

It became eerily quiet and you were sure that you could cut yourself on the tension that was raising between the both of you. But the thing that terrified you the most was this bone chilling calmness from Kurapika. You would have preferred if he would have just screamed at you. “Escaping is all you think about, isn’t it? Always dreaming about it, always thinking about it?” You tried to make yourself as small as possible. His voice made you wish that a hole under you would just appear and swallow you. It was calm, but you could hear it in his undertone. The many emotions that he suppressed on the surface, but that his eyes reflected. Anger, disappointment, sadness, his eyes told you everything. You couldn’t stand his gaze anymore and looked at the book which you were pressing tightly against your chest. There was no need to answer his question. He knew the answer anyways. What was he going to do now?

“Give me the book. You aren’t allowed to keep it anymore.” You tensed up when he said this and tightened your grip even more. “W-why?” Your voice was quiet. “Because you broke my trust. I thought you had finally learned your lesson, but I was wrong.” He stretched his hand out, a silent demand to give him your only freedom you had left. “No.” It was barely a whisper, but Kurapika was still able to hear it. “(y/n).”, you could hear that he was trying to hold back,”Give. Me. That. Book.” You shook your head weakly. “Please don’t. This journal here is the only thing that keeps me from breaking apart. Isn’t it enough for you that I already stopped trying to run away? It’s true that I often think about escaping, but I don’t act on these thoughts. But I need this book. I need a place to write all my thoughts and feelings in which I built up during the day. Or else I’ll drown in all the shit in my head. I didn’t break your trust, not completely. Please believe me, I won’t run away. You already took away my family. My friends. My home. My freedom. Please give me at least this bit of freedom.” Silent tears had started to roll down your cheeks. You slowly lifted your head and looked him directly in the eyes. “Don’t let me fall apart.”, you pleaded with a shaking voice.

Again silence fell over you, your heartbreaking pleas hanging heavily in the air. You could tell from the look in Kurapika’s eyes that he was battling with himself about what to do now. His muscles were so tensed up that he had started to shake, sinking his head until you couldn’t see his eyes anymore, being hidden behind strands of his hair. You didn’t do anything, afraid that you would worsen the situation even more. So you just waited, the tension nearly suffocating you whilst waiting for Kurapika’s reaction. For you it felt like hours of torture, but in reality it was probably only a minute until he finally reacted. A reaction that surprised you. Before you could even process what exactly happened you were suddenly pulled against his chest in a more than just possessive hug. “Kurapika?”, you mumbled softly out, feeling slightly confused with his reaction. Since you were pressed right against his chest you could feel how tensed up he was and how his whole body and breath were shaking. His heart was ramming painfully against his chest. You slowly lifted your head up and instantly something wet dropped on your face. You needed a second until you understood that those were tears. Kurapika’s tears. He didn’t look you in your face, his gaze was still hidden from you under his bangs, but you could clearly see his tears falling down his face and dropping on yours.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was shaking, overflowing with emotions. “I didn’t know that you were suffering. But please. Please let me help you. I know that I am most likely the source of your pain. I know that I took everything away from you just to keep you with me. But I really just want to protect you. Please don’t torture yourself with your own thoughts. Tell me and I’ll promise I’ll try my best to heal these wounds I caused you.” That’s when he finally lifted his head to look you into your eyes. They were still burning in their scarlet color. But all the intensity was gone. Instead you could see the pain and the fear swirling around inside of them. The pain and fear of a man who had lost everything. “But you need also to understand that if I lose you...I’ll fall apart as well. Without you I’ll break. I’m already broken beyond repair and I know how it is to drown in your own thoughts and feelings. I know how it is to be eaten alive on the inside. I was in so much pain, but you... You helped me with my pain. You healed me. You do so much for me by only being near me. So please let me return the favor. Tell me what hurts you so I can ease your pain as well. I hate it more than anything when I see you suffer. Let me carry all your pain. I’m willing to break under it because as long as you’re okay I know I’ll be alright as well. You’re my angel, you heal me with your mere presence. And I’m your guardian, I’m here to protect you from every threat and even from your own thoughts. So please let me help you. Let me get destroyed. Not you.”

You were left speechless, staring with wide eyes at him, the tears falling nonstop from your face. It felt like an invisible knife was plunging in your heart over and over again. You had never seen Kurapika like this. You had never seen him so...so vulnerable. He was showing you his pain. His suffering. His own torturing thoughts. He had always tried to stay strong for you, but now you saw how hurt and broken he really was. You didn’t know how to react for a moment, just looking at him with tearfilled eyes before you did the only thing that felt right in that moment. Hugging him tightly back. Kurapika’s breath hitched for a moment when he felt how you were hugging his torso before tightening his grip around you a bit more and burying his face in your neck, wanting nothing more than just calm down in your presence. You had always known that Kurapika had suffered, but in that moment you realized that he was hurting so much more than you had originally thought.

( The song I used here is “Go the distance” from Michael Bolton. )

[nexyra]

James Ironwood, for character ask? 👀

Aaaa thank you so much for the ask ♡ More rambling incoming !! Sorry for the wait btw, I've been both pretty busy and tired ;;

If you hate James Ironwood and don't wanna hear one good thing about him tap out now please ღ

My fav ship(s) for the character

I am not a super big shipper when it comes to James, but there are still some I like more than others soo here goes :

I think Ironwitch is a pretty good one. It's not necessarily a ship I'd search content for but I think these two would work well together ! Glynda is stern and honest and a no-nonsense kind of woman. She has the strenght to stand up to James when he slips or gets too stubborn when faced with the high stakes. At the same time, we've been shown that she cares for him and she knows he's only trying to do what's best for people. She has faith in him but also the ability to stand at his side as an equal. She seems to be the more steadfast of Ozpin's circle : loyal, you know you can trust her, and she will not crumble. This is the kind of personnality that I think James both admire and feel safe with. And the other way around, I think James is a good match for Glynda too. On a day to day basis, he's serious enough to not annoy here, but he's also a softie in some aspects and that's a nice combination to smooth out Glynda's edges.

Ironqrow is a completely different dynamic. The "we're annoying each other" dynamic is not one I'm particularly interested in usually xD But these two certainly had strong & interesting moments so it's a pretty valid ship !! Despite how they might butt heads because of the difference in their upbringing they (prior to V8) clearly trusted each other with their life. Even if Qrow jokes about shooting himself if he had to be one of James' man, when everything goes to shit there is no doubt in his mind that James wasn't responsible. Similarly, while James talks of shooting Qrow for his misbehaviour, when push comes to shove and we meet a tired Ironwood, run ragged by the pressure he's under... the only thing he does is hug him and reiterates how glad he is to see him. So again, they clearly have a lot of faith and trust in the other, and that's solid ground for a relationship.

My least favorite ship(s) for the character

Same spiel as always, shipping kids and adults is a big no from me; so any ships between Ironwood and RWBYJNOR can qualify here. That said, among the less uncomfortable ones, here are those I don't really like

This one is again because I love their relationship but platonically only, I'm talking of Winter Soldier. The reading I like best is not that Ironwood is Winter's Jacques 2.0, nor that he groomed her; but that he was an important father figure in her life. Protective and caring, who tried to help her escape with what he knew. I don't see James recruiting Winter as a way to gain a strong ally. But rather that Winter wanted to detach herself from her family name, and make something worthwhile of herself all on her own. And that the military is what Ironwood knows and understand, so naturally it's a career he'd see as a good path. Just like Winter then proposed it to Weiss. I like to think they care about each other a LOT and they're their own tight family in between the lines, even if professionalism might throw a wrench into it. For short I love them together but not romantically please =)

I don't know if there's a ship name for this, but Salem x James Ironwood would be a big nope from me too... In general, let's just assume I ship Salem with nobody because abuse.

My fav & least fav platonic relationship(s) for the character

Fav platonic relationship would be (have been because we dont talk about V8?) with Winter. Fooor the reasons I've explained above I suppose x) I (again) love the trust they had in one another and the quiet support.

There was also his relationship with Oscar that I really liked during V7, although it has been soured a bit by the (valid) reading from some people that Ironwood sought out Ozpin a lot through Oscar, and given his identity issues it is not ground for a greatly healthy relationship. Their interactions were still very intersting though ♡ I consider Oscar to be the kid who went at trying to appease James' fear or make him reconsider his decisions the best way. There was true understanding and hope for a working relationship here. I do feel that Oscar put in more work than James however (emotionally) and I wish there had been pay-back instead of a gunshot.

For my least fav relationship ? Probably Robyn or Watts ? Robyn was always very antagonistic toward Ironwood since their priorities are so different. And I overall just don't really like her after V7 so there are very few relationships with her I'm interested in (the exception is her ship with Fiona I think it's cute). Meanwhile, Watts is just a petty asshole hell bent on ruining Ironwood because he didn't pick his project. I'm not very interested in hate relationships, and since theirs wasn't deeply explored anyway, it's even more the case here. Their fight was great though, one of my favorite RWBY fights !

My favorite thing about the character

Well this was completely proven wrong by V8 buuut as of V7 I liked that he was a deconstruction of the military general (dictator) trope. Sooo you can guess how i feel about V8 X) In general among RWBY, several of my fav are fav BECAUSE they look like one trope but also have key differences that from the get go make the character stray away from said trope. For example I'm not a fan of the princess tsundere archetype at all, but I loooved Weiss in V1 BECAUSE she was extra-willing to listen and change her mind, and you could very easily tell that it was her upbringing speaking more than herself in most occasions.

Similarly, I wasn't a big fan of Ironwood before V7. I didn't hate him you know and he wasn't lower than most characters in my Tier list but I also didn't particularly care. But you know what ? I've aaaalways had a really soft spot for the "angsty angry traumatized teen". And RWBY made the mistake of extending that soft spot to "tired adults trying their best" (only to repeatedly beat them up/make them villains after making me care about them but what can you do uh)

Soo in general, I loved that Ironwood was trying so hard. I loved that he was tired and in over his head but learning and listening and trying to do good and be better despite his fears. I liked that he told his entourage about Salem and was loyal. I liked that he cared about helping the people above his own image and the way people perceived him. I liked that you could tell this was a terrible situation all around, and his decisions WERE questionnable but we could SEE that he meant WELL and was genuinely trying so hard despite how scared and tired he was.

My biggest criticism for the character

Well this won't be a surprise but in general I just wished he had stayed a morally grey character we were allowed to feel for instead of a cartoon black villain. I didn't need James to be THE Hero or anything like this despite some accusations levelled at those who like him. Him becoming one of RWBY's antagonist is honestly fine by me ! It is interesting. But I'd have preferred they kept him ambiguous and trying in his own way. (And smart because V8 Ironwood was dumb af)

I can be a tad overprotective of his character since he's just... so despised, so I think that I have inadvertently distanced myself from any of his flaws... somehow like "people are already yelling all of them so I don't need to add to this shit show" you know ? skjfkd But I KNOW he has them and it would still have been good to develop his flaws, just... not like that

But yea I'd have liked it if V8 Ironwood DID diverge from RWBYJNORQ and became an antagonist but not an iredeemable villain. LIKE,, we redeemed Hazel and Emerald and IRONWOOD is where the writers draw the line by saying "nope this one is rotten" ?? What ?

When was their writing at the peak according to me (ex : best season)

V7 definitely ! Ironwood carried V7 so hard haha. His character was fleshed out and given nuance and made to struggle and evolve and I loved him in that volume.

A song I think fits them & why

Hunger • Monsters & Men Human • Rag'n'Bone Man Way down we go • Kaleo Beekeeper • Keaton Henson Thistle and weeds • Mumford and Sons Castle of Glass • Linkin Park It's all so incredibly loud • Glass Animals

A headcanon to make up about them

His metal parts impact his metabolism so Ironwood is terrible at holding his alcohool and very little manages to knock him out. He's a workaholic. His low tolerence for alcohool is a great tool whn friends need to put him to sleep.

His joints crack and hurt in the cold, his metal parts as well and they are an hassle in the sand. James like to keep his room temperature warmer than the average atlasian because of this, otherwise he has to spend 30 min every morning simply unwiding muscles to move around efficiently.

He's not a good singer but has a nice low voice for telling stories. If he had kids, he'd probably avoid lullabies but compensate with bedtimes stories.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

As always, I'm kind of reflecting along the way as I write this, and one thing I'm thinking right now is... Doesn't it take away from the atlas arc message ITSELF to just pile up so many "standard bad guy" stuff on Ironwood ? Like, I wanna ask... why do we hate him ? Is he an antagonist because he lets fear get the best of him ? Because he's a classist who doesn't care about Mantle like some fans argue ? Because he's too stubborn and wants to be THE hero ? Because he doesn't listen to others ? Because he abandonned Mantle ? Because he kills peopke left and right ? Because he wanted to bomb a city ? I think you might see where I'm going with this : his status as villain is kind of messy. V8 just kept piling-up flaws and villainous actions onto Ironwood with no concern for whether this was a lenght he would go to (using the certainty that he would go to any lenghts to enact his plans), ,or whether these were one of the initial flaws/failings that led to his "fall" as an antagonist. What lesson is Ironwood supposed to learn ? Personally the very first time I yelled at my screen "No ! Why would the writers choose that ?" is when Ironwood shot Oscar. When answering criticism against medias, many people tend to look at it only through the lense of "well it makes sense in universe" or as if there were no other ways for the story to devolve. But at the end of the way, everything in a story is a choice from the writer even if it is influenced by the characters' personnalities. If I took the scene where Ironwood shoots Oscar, someone might tell me "he's crippled by his PTSD, he COULD do this." Maybe, that's a reading I can somewhat understand at least. But the writers have the power to NOT put his character in such a position. When I saw the wreck that was V7 finale, I ranted to my bestfriend about it and at no point did i say "why did Ironwood do that", I said "why did the writers make him shoot Oscar, the only point narratively would be to make irredeemable" Aaaand that's what they went for and I obviously didn't care for it. So if I had to rewrite it; I would have kept Ironwood's "mistakes" more focused. If he's wrong because he wants to abandon Mantle, because he's (understandably) scared and doesn't want to take risks; then stay focused on that. It's what makes RWBY leave, and out of all his V8 actions that's really the only thing RWBY needed to tell the whole world he wasn't an ally anymore apparently. - Don't make him shoot Oscar point blank, instead Oscar can simply fall because he flinches away from Ironwood's outburst; and a distraught/guilty Ironwood can decide that he doesn't have the time or capacity to help because of the tense situation. (Killing and not saving someone don't hold the same moral weight at all). - Don't make him kill people left and right or bomb cities, maintain the flaw of Ironwood struggling with his PTSD and his fear and not being able to take risks. - Don't paint him as a black villain, and eventually write V8 in such a way that RWBYJNORQ show taking risks might lead to a bigger victory, which was the volume's theme anyway. For example, following Oscar's destruction of the whale, a growth can occur that would bring back together the two anti-Salem factions : Oscar's risk put Atlas out of harm's way, which leads to Ironwood seeing that maybe there WAS a way to save Mantle as well as Atlas despite Salem's presence and he might have jumped the gun too quickly because of his fears. I'm not sure, I haven't thought about this extensively honestly but I hope you see what I mean. I think it would have been more focused & more in-character to focus Ironwood's failings on his fear; and the fact that he cares for the people and the greater good sometimes at the cost of the individuals. The idea that by sacrificing individuals too much you forget the people you're fighting for in the first place, could have been interesting to dig deeper into. Keep to the idea that Ironwood is somewhat disensitized to the individuals suffering for the sake of the greater good, instead of making him just

callous & uncaring.

My guess for their MBTI/Enneagram

I think pre-V8 Ironwood was an unconventionnal ENFJ. Aka, the type of character no one would type ENFJ because they go by stereotypes and Fe stereotypes are just enneagram 2 everywhere (aka nice, kind, helpful) whereas Ironwood has an enneagram tritype very common among xxTJs so that's what he looks/behaves like, but the way he thinks (what's best for the people, ethical values derived from an Atlasian upbringing) align more with Fe cognitively I think I'm going with ENFJ 6w5 1w2 3w4

Starting from V8 though, Ironwood veered clearly into ENTJ territory (types aren't supposed to change but I wouldn't say RWBY is the most consistent media when it comes to characters' personnalities)

One aspect that I think would be nice to delve deeper into ?

I understand why they didn't care to, but it'd have been interesting to get a few backstory hints for Ironwood. How did he lose half his body ? How did Oz recruit him ? Or some pieces about his upbringing ?

[twoidiotwriters1]

The whole package (Diego Hargreeves x Fem! reader)

A/N:  Okay, I'm finally catching up with the requests... And how exciting that they have already confirmed the third season of Umbrella Academy!!!!

Words: 2,115

Request:   Hi! So I saw your requests are open... here goes one! For Diego from TUA: he starts dating this girl, and after some time she decides that it’s time for him to meet her little daughter. I think he would be kind of wary around her at the beginning, but he would eventually warm up to her and ve just so soft around her? Anyways, I think that at the time he would introduce his girl and his not by blood but in bond little one to his siblings, they would see what a natural softy papa bear he is💕

The couple is in the small room that he rents in the gym where he also works. Both lying on the bed, Diego slowly strokes her hair, while Y/N traces her fingers on his chest. 

"I've been thinking," says Diego. 

"Oh no. That’s never a good sign,” the girl jokes and Diego makes a face.

“Anyway, I was thinking,” he continues, “we’ve never talked about meeting our families.” Y/N's body tenses. She moves away a little and sits next to him. 

"I thought you didn't want me to meet your family." He raises his eyebrows. 

"Well," Diego scratches his head. "I'm not excited, they are insane, but..." He looks at her. "Wait, don't you want to meet them?" 

"If you say it's a bad idea, I don't see why making it so important," She responds, looking away. 

"I think you are the first girlfriend I’ve had that doesn’t want to meet my siblings, not even my mother," he suspects. 

"It's not a big deal, Diego," She says. 

"We've been dating for over a year now, don't you think we should at least talk about it?" He sits up. 

"Why do you suddenly want to do it?" 

"Why are you getting defensive?" 

She opens her mouth, but the words get stuck. 

“Do you have something against my siblings? Believe me, it's not something that would surprise me, Vanya's ex-boyfriend is proof of that, but I want to know if something happened–" 

“No, I don't know them, Diego. It's just that- if I meet them, it means that you too will want to meet my family.” She bends her legs and hugs them against her chest. 

Diego feels pressure on his chest when he sees her in that defenceless way. 

"Hey," He grabs her chin. "Is there something wrong with your family? I thought you simply weren’t on speaking terms with your parents..." 

"I am, but, they have a good reason to be upset." 

"What are you afraid of?"

"You won't want to be with me anymore," She says with a pout. 

Diego frowns. 

"What? Why do you think that? I’ve done everything to be able to go out with you, blood, sweat and tears..." 

"I'm serious." 

"Me too! Honey, I can assure you that there will be nothing that can scare me or keep me from your side. With the family I have, nothing can do it." 

She bites her lower lip. 

"I don’t know..." 

"Trust me." 

Y/N sighs and reconsiders the possibility. She remembers everything they've been through together since he tried to flirt with her after that fight at the gym. The determination of man to get her attention. 

She admits that Diego is a great man, tender, protective, funny, responsible, a little clumsy and stupid, but in the end he always manages to make her smile despite the fights. And after he has confessed everything that had to happen with his family, she knows that there are no more secrets. 

“Ok, but you should know that this is a huge step for our relationship. I've never gotten this far with someone else." 

He’s surprised to see her so serious but doesn’t push his luck. 

"I'm ready for the whole package, baby." 

*** 

"Last chance to go, Di," She says when they both arrive at her apartment door. 

“No matter how much you say it, I won’t leave. You won't have a pet spider or something like that right?" He jokes, but when she doesn't answer, the nerves grow. "Tell me please, at least it's not a tarantula–" 

"I don't have a spider," She says rolling her eyes. 

He opens the door and the two enter. Y/N leaves the keys on a small table and walks through the small apartment.

"Daisy?" 

Diego stares at the place. He pauses at some picture frames and laughs when he sees one of his girlfriend as a little girl with a ball in her hand, smiling at the camera showing some a gap between her teeth. 

"Mommy!" the high-pitched scream makes him turn quickly, only to witness the moment when a little brown-haired girl runs into Y/N's arms and she carries her. "You’re early, I must show you the best drawing of my life!" 

The woman laughs. 

"You said yesterday's drawing was the best of your life." 

"Mommy, that was yesterday!" replies the girl moving her hand from one side to the other. 

Y/N puts her down, but before the little girl could leave, her mother takes her hand and crouches down to her height. 

“Daisy, I want you to meet someone first. Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?" 

Daisy looks up and finds Diego standing next to the television. She turns away from her mother and walks slowly towards him. 

“Hi, my name is Daisy. Are you my mom's boyfriend?" 

Diego isn’t sure of what to do. 

"Uh, yes?" he says nervously. 

The girl asks tilting her head and then goes back to her mother. "Are you sure it's him?" Y/N laughs and walks over. 

"Daisy, this is Diego. Diego, this is my daughter Daisy." 

The man comes out of his shock and begins to notice the great similarities between the girl and his girlfriend. She is the girl in the photograph. 

"Uh- Hi," he says tensely. 

"You're good?" Y/N asks. 

"Yes! Yes, I'm okay. I’m just surprised. Uh, you look a lot alike." 

"Can I go get my drawing now?" says the girl and his mother nods.

"Sure you're okay?" 

"Sorry, I'm not good with children," he says nervously. 

"Don't worry, she's only 8 years old." 

"They're the worst." 

"Diego!" 

"I'm sorry," He sighs. "Wait, were you afraid that I would break up with you because you have a daughter?" 

"It wouldn’t be the first time. Since she was born every time I mention the possibility of a child, everyone runs away and I didn't want you to do it." 

He takes her hand and with the other, he caresses her cheek. "I'm still here and rest assured that I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to." 

"Aren't you scared?" 

"Yes, but not because of what you think," He grimaces. “You know I didn't have a good childhood and I’ve never dealt with children. What if she hates me?" 

Y/N laughs when she sees her boyfriend's nervousness and feels one less weight off her.

"I will not lie to you, she can be difficult sometimes, but she will love you."

"Difficult, huh?" He says raising a brow. "Just like her mother." 

"Don't try to win her over as you did with me, she’s not as patient with idiots."

"At least I have a clue," He leans down and gently kisses her lips. 

"Ew, stop kissing!" The girl screams. "Leave my mom alone!" 

"Daisy, don't be rude!" 

"Okay, now I see the resemblance." 

*** 

"Diego, your hands are sweating," says Daisy wiping her hand on his pants.

"I'm sorry. I’m nervous." 

"Why?" 

“My family’s crazy, Dais. I don’t know what will happen."

"Are they dangerous?" 

"Do I look dangerous to you?" 

"No, actually I think you're just dumb." 

"Daisy!" Her mother scolds her and Diego laughs. 

"Yes, so are my brothers." 

The three arrive at the academy, before opening the door, Diego stops. Y/N take his hand. "Everything will be fine. We’re with you." 

Daisy's little hand takes his again. Diego opens the door and the three enter the large Hargreeves mansion. 

The first thing they hear is the echo of heels approaching. Grace approaches the little family with a huge smile. 

"Hello, darling," she says, opening her arms and Diego surrounds her in a big hug.

"Hi, Mom," He stands aside and smiles. "These are Y/N and Daisy." 

The woman greets both with a hug. 

"Diego has told me many good things about you." 

"You don't look like a robot," says Daisy. 

"Daisy!" 

Grace laughs. 

"That's the idea, sweetie. Would you like to try the cookies I just baked?" The girl's eyes light up, but before she can respond, she looks at her mother asking for permission, when she nods to her, she turns to Diego and he, surprised, also nods. 

"Yes!" She squeals and takes Grace's hand, the two of them walk into the kitchen.

"One less," says Y/N. 

"She didn't worry me," Diego answers, grimacing. 

"Son of a bitch!" 

"That’s the real problem."

Another scream echoes through the house and then a thin, brown-haired man runs up the stairs and reaches the two adults. 

"Diego! Hello, how nice to see you after such a long time,” He says, trying to control his breathing. "Oh, you must be the mistress, nice to meet you!" He says, taking her hand and shaking it exaggeratedly. 

"Klaus..." growls Diego. 

"What? I'm being nice, just like you asked." 

Before anyone could say anything, a blue light flashes behind Klaus, scaring all three of them. 

"Give me back my money!" The boy mutters. 

"Five! What are those manners? We have a guest!” says Klaus pointing to Y/N. Five frowns and looks at the girl. 

"Oh, yeah. Hi." 

"It's a pleasure to meet you..." She answers a little unsure. 

"I only asked you for a day without nonsense!" Diego sighs. 

"Oh, they’re here!" says a woman coming down the hall. 

"She's Allison," Diego moves away from his other two brothers who are already fighting again. 

“Hi, it's a pleasure to meet the girl Diego talks about so much. You really don't know how tiring it is!" 

Y/N laughs. 

"I still remember when you said that no girl would make you weak and look at you now, blushing like a little boy!" 

"I did not say that." 

"That sounds like something you would say," adds his girlfriend and he blushes even more.

“Anyway, where are Ben and Vanya? They are my last hope..." 

"Why is there so much noise? What's going on? Who are you?" says a very tall blond man.

"I guess your ape brain doesn't remember that we have an important dinner today, Luther," says Diego through clenched teeth. 

"Uh, yeah. Hello.” Luther shakes her hand. 

"They’re so many," Y/N whispers to Diego. 

"And there are two still missing..." 

"Hey, I don't want to scare anyone," Allison says. "But Ben is arguing with a girl in the kitchen." 

Allison, Diego and Y/N go to the kitchen, while Luther notices that Five and Klaus are fighting, so he stays to break the fight. 

"The movie is better!" 

"How is it better? I tell you, the book is much better!" 

"I don’t like reading. It's boring." 

"That's not my fault." 

"It's not my fault that you're boring either." 

"Listen to me, girl–" 

"Ben," says Diego. “Are you arguing with an 8-year-old girl? 

"She started!" He points out. 

"Vanya, why didn't you tell them anything?" Allison says looking at the girl sitting at the end of the table. 

"I did, but no one paid any attention to me, so I just waited to see what was going to happen," She shrugs. 

"Di, your siblings are very strange, but your robot mom made us chocolate cookies" adds Daisy taking one from the plate and offers it to her mother. 

"Daisy, you said you were going to be good," Y/N says taking the cookie.

“It was Ben's fault. She said the Harry Potter books were better than the movies."

"They are!" 

"It’s not true!"

"Very well family, dinner is served," says Grace entering the kitchen. 

The entire Hargreeves family reunion with Y/N and Daisy was anything but boring. Y/N is delighted with Allison's style, Five's intelligence, Klaus's ideas, Vanya's calmness, Ben's acquaintance, and was even able to see something good in Luther, with whom she had less interaction. 

She’s happy to meet her boyfriend's family, especially seeing how her little daughter laughs, discusses and interacts with everyone. It seemed very natural to be with so many people and she’s sure the Hargreeves felt it too. 

"Everything went fine after all," She whispers leaning towards Diego at the table.

“You’re still here. It's what matters,” He says with a lopsided smile. 

"Oh, I don't think Dais wants to leave soon," They look at the girl who listens carefully to something that Five’s explaining to her. "I'm glad she gets along with everyone… it's always been just her and me." 

Diego takes her hand. 

"That ended. You will not be alone again." 

She smiles at him and kisses his lips. 

"Ew!" yells Daisy. 

"No demonstrations, please," says Luther. 

"There are children here!" 

"Some of us are eating!" 

"How cheesy..." 

“Get a room!” 

The others continue, making the couple laugh. 

"I can't believe you're still here after all this circus," says Diego. 

"We’re ready for the whole package, love."

[undergrounddweller89]

(I was tipsy when I wrote this fell asleep finished the last bit when I woke up hope it isn't horrible more Walter Killian stuffs)

Walter came in late after finally having his first party, like real party.

Lance and Marcy had helped set up something for his birthday, it was a few days after it as spy buisness had kept them from finding the time to do so on the day, Walter's concentration was lack there of as he giggled stumbling through the door, obviously he'd been dropped off outside his house where his house mate lived with him, Tristan Mcford, he fumbled in the dark going to the kitchen, mmm he remembered he still had some cake in there...cake sounded sooooo good right now.

He opened the fridge door the soft glow filling the kitchen frowning at the empty space where the cake had been, he patted the shelf as if It'd make it appear.

He pouted oh yeah he'd eaten it at lunch...a snack bar would suffice instead.

In the door way stood a tall man, wearing nothing but a shirt and boxers , Killian had not gone to the party, loud events such as that made him uncomfortable, he was not one for socialising unless he had to, though Beckett was the exception, at least he knew not to talk to him until he'd had his morning coffee.

He leaned a shoulder against the frame watching Walter just giggle and search for the snack box, perhaps he should help him, he had wondered what the scientist would be like with a few drinks in him, it made him relax to know he was a giggly sort of drunk.

He walked over reaching up onto the top shelf, of course he'd put it up there without thought, he was pressed up against Walters back as he grabbed it off the shelf, it was just a moment of contact, he didn't know how to tell him how he felt...how did you tell a man as sweet as Beckett that you felt something for him, when you were someone who could kill with ease.

Walter turned around and looked up at him grinning, ohhh he could feel all of him and he liked it.

"Triiiistan, you look pretty in the moonlight."

Killian moved back, clearly seeing what was going through Becketts mind and he was not the type to have someone in this condition.

"That's the fridge light Beckett, you left it open."

He replied flatly.

Walter peeked around Killian, giggling,

"So it is, did I pull you out of there cause you look like a snack."

If Killian had been drinking something he might just have done a spit take or spat his drink from laughing.

"Walter you're inebriated, you should go to bed."

"Well if you lay down, I'll get into you then won't I."

Beckett winked, leaning forward and drawing invisible circles on Killian's chest.

Oh dear god Walter was a giggly horny drunk....he took Walters hand and shook his head

"No, I am not going to take advantage of you Beckett, you need to get to bed..."

Killian replied firmly, letting go of him and went to close the fridge door only to feel Walter wrap his arms around his waist and nuzzle against his back.

"Fine but only if you cuddle me to sleep, I demandeth the snuggles or I will find a way to remove your boxers."

Tristan stood up straight, what in the god damned hell of all being, this...this wasn't fair, he inwardly pouted because yes even reforming criminal master minds could pout when something they wanted was so close and yet circumstances made it so far.

His jaw clenched and he sighed

"Fine, but if you put your hands anywhere inappropriate Walter I will be putting you in your bed and locking my door."

"Yaaaay cuddles, mmm what do you like to drink Trillian?"

Walter asked still rubbing his cheek on Tristans back making contented sounds.

Oh yes he was indeed smashed.

"Walter, you literally just mixed up my alias with my name you need sleep...come on now, let's get you upstairs to beddy night night."

"Killian I told you not to say it like that."

Walter whined, gently headbutting Killians back, still not letting go of his waist.

"Yeah I know, but it's just too much fun teasing ya."

"You're a big meanie."

Beckett whined, lightly biting at him.

"Oi, now what did I say about no inappropriate touching."

Killian chuckled

"You still want that snack pack?"

"Yes I dooo."

Feeling Walters hands trying to go down he grabbed them

"Not that snack pack Walter, behave, I'm beginning to feel my virtue's at stake here."

He pulled out of his grasp and handed him the opened packet, Walter took it and huffed

"The only risk here is -

He took a bite and continued talking with his mouth full

"Is my virtue being in tact forever because you won't bend me over and take it."

Walters frustration was soon forgotten though as he cuddled up to Killian again.

Killian was internally flailing, screaming whatever you wanted to call it, how long had he felt this way, had he been missing the signs?

"Walter if you wake up feeling the same, sober where you have a clear mind and consent then I assure you I'll nail you more firmly to that bed than -"

Walter had reached up and started messing with Killian's hair

"You know you look good with messy hair, you want some?"

Killian's mind just stalled, he wasn't entirely sure if Walters mind had wandered because he was drunk or maybe changed his mind on wanting him to bed him, well if he had then at least he wouldn't need to worry about the cuddles Walter wanted, he leaned forward biting into the offered Marshmallow and rice treat, lips pressed against finger tips, he stole only fleeting moments like that where he was not so abrupt.

Killian shivered, it was cold in the kitchen at 2am after all

"Alright, we ate something, I'm tired, it's cold, bed's warm."

He took Walters hand and found the scientist very compliant as they went up the stairs, one of the reasons he'd agreed to the cuddles was because he was concerned the idiot might fall asleep in his own vomit if he were to bring it up in the middle of night and the idea of finding dead terrified him.

He stopped by his room and pulled a shirt out for Walter to wear then told him to get changed in the bathroom.

"Ooooo I always wanted to wear one of your shirts it'll be sooooo big on me, just like I know you'll be so big in-"

"Walter, bathroom get changed, piss and make sure to wash your hands."

Killian interrupted him, pinching the bridge of his nose, if they were in a relationship he'd help him change...he might still need to as Walter stared at him blankly as if everything he'd just said went right over his head, right well it was purely an innocent act of help, didn't need Beckett to make a mess all over the floor, he could only imagined how embarrased the young man would be in the morning if he remembered doing that.

He helped him remove his upper garments, Killian swiftly pulled the grey shirt over his head, looking away when Walter pulled down his pants, giggling

"You can look if you want you naughty man."

"No Beckett...not like this."

Mcford kept his gaze on the bathroom wall, thankful it was only the moonlight that lit up the room, he actually blushed, thee Killian, Tristan Mcford....robohand blushing at being called naughty in such a mischievous manner.

His robotic eye did flare though in brightness momentarily but thankfully and so very thankfully Walter had made it to toilet himself and even remembered to pull up the shirt, last thing he needed to deal with was a soaked shirt and having to give him a new one, he might actually tear Lance and Marcy a new one for leaving Walter like this.

Walter was clearly falling asleep now, Killian knew this because when he asked if he was done he heard a soft snoring and looked back to see Beckett leaning against the wall.

This wasn't the first time he had to handle a drunk man, he'd had friends on the team he'd lost who ended up like this.

He leaned forward and patted his face

"Come on Beckett, you'll get a stiff neck like that."

He grumbled, sighing as the younger man made a sound and sat up so abruptly he smacked his head on Killian's chin.

"Ooww I hit my head Killy..."

He leaned forward and rested on Killian pouting

"Kiss it better?"

Tristans nostrils flared, yes he was gonna kill Lance, Marcy politely though, a gentle man never made a mess of a woman's death...it was only a half threat he made privately perhaps if it'd been some months earlier he might have actually tried it.

"Fine."

He placed a quick kiss to his forehead

"There all better, now let's get your hands washed and put you to bed."

He managed to get that done without much hassle until Walter wrapped his arms around his neck and went all but limp

"Carry me, or I will sleep right here."

Killian was feeling a little done with this, not because he didn't want to, all he wanted to do was kiss him and tell him how endearing he was being, he didn't even argue he was tired and did want to get back to sleep, lifting him bridal style he carried Walter to his room, it seemed Walter was aware enough though to realise it was the wrong room and put a hand on the door frame looking at him

"Noooo that's my room, we gonna snuggle in yours rememberrr oh my god you're so pretty."

He giggled nuzzling Tristans cheek.

Why him, why did he have to be the one carrying the cute scientist at nearly three am, he would sneak out of the bed and sleep on the couch once Walter was asleep.

"You're an idiot Beckett at times I swear."

Killian retorted going down the hall to his room, he set Walter down who before he could even tell him not to take the left side of the bed had already settled into it.

"Mmmm comfy be comfier when you get in hurrrry need snuggle wuggles."

"I'll give you fucking snuggle wuggles in a minute."

Killian muttered under his breath, no he wasn't some huge softie, he could still feel aggravated, but when he looked down and saw Walter reaching out for him sleepily his annoyance melted away...alright maybe he was a little soft when it came to Beckett.

He climbed in and wrapped an arm around him, letting him snuggle up to him, he stroked along his spine just from the neck and down between his shoulder blades, feeling him settle completely into asleep, Tristan found himself too relaxed now to move, sleep was beginning to find him to.

"I love you Walter Beckett."

He whispered softly, gently kissing the top of his head and burying his face into his hair, he was finally confessing for the first time to him in a moment he felt safe and thought Beckett wouldn't hear him, the warmth of just holding Walter made Tristan wonder if he'd gone to heaven.

Walter woke up barely for a moment asking him if he'd said something, Killian only chuckled affectionately

"I said good night Walter."

"Oh...good night..."

Beckett smiled against his neck and kissed it lightly

"Love you to."

And fell promptly back to sleep.

Killian however did not sleep a single wink that night.

Damn it.

[riversofmars]

The Doctor visiting River at Luna University?

Thank you for a brilliant prompt, I love doing bits with River at Uni! I’m actually doing two chapters worth of uni stuff, so here is the first one! <3

Rating: General

Word Count: 1800

Part of the Big, Vast, Complicated and Ridiculous series!

Luna University Part I

Reluctantly, the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS, ready to face another disappointment. She found herself in what looked like a living room. It was warm and comfortable. There was soft music playing and shadows danced across the walls with the movement of the flames from an open fire.

“Hello Sweetie.“ River’s voice was soft, yet it startled the Doctor. She looked around to the sofa across from the fireplace. River gave her a loving smile as she took a sip from her wine glass.

“Finally.“ The Doctor breathed as her heart swelled at the warmth in her wife’s expression.

“Are you quite alright, my Love?“ River asked while the Doctor made her way over. She halted by the side of the sofa. The coffee table in front of her was covered in books, notes and essays. This was Professor River Song, the Doctor realised, in her time teaching at Luna University. “Sweetie?“ River tilted her head, drawing her attention when she didn’t receive an answer.

“I’ve just…“ The Doctor didn’t know what to say. She looked to River who was just putting her red marker pen down. She was lounging comfortably on the sofa, glass of red wine in hand, a silky dressing gown wrapped around her tightly… she’d hardly ever seen her wife look so… peaceful. It was such a stark contrast to the River she had encountered moments ago. River waited patiently for her to say something and the Doctor felt herself chocking up. Without thinking about it, she got onto the sofa with her, climbed on top of her wife and wrapped her arms around her middle. River chuckled a little, the Doctor didn’t usually seek closeness like this, but when her wife rested her head against her chest, she realised it was what she needed.

“Anything you’d care to talk about?“ River asked softly. She put her wine glass down and wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. Idly she started running her fingers through her silky hair, soothing and loving and the Doctor felt herself relaxing, melting into her touch. She closed her eyes, focusing on her other senses instead. The soft and soothing classical tones in the background, River’s curls tickling her face, the steady beating of River’s hearts, the faint smell of her perfume, her arms firm around her. The Doctor squeezed her eyes shut more tightly as she felt tears welling up in them.

“I don’t know… I… the timelines…“ She whispered in response to her wife’s question.

“You know I’m not putting any of this in the Diary, Darling, you told me not to, remember?“ River hummed and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“I don’t actually… Haven’t done that yet.“ The Doctor replied weakly and River chuckled a little.

“Well, you will.“ She assured her, playing with her hair.

“I just miss you so much.“ The Doctor confessed clinging to her more tightly.

“Did something happen?“ River asked brushing her hair back, taking her face in her hands to make her look up. The Doctor did, reluctantly, as River searched her eyes for clues as to what was going on with her.

She wanted to tell her everything. Everything the Timelords had done to her. What the Master had done to Gallifrey. Tell her about her imprisonment, her struggle for her identity. About not knowing who she was or where she was going or where to even start to get answers. She wanted to tell her about her self doubts, about the terrible things she had done and how she felt herself slipping away. About the anger that was eating at her… But when she looked in River’s eyes, seeing the love, adoration and warmth reflected back at her, she just couldn’t bring herself to. She didn’t want to disappoint her, to worry her, in this perfectly still moment.

“When I’m with you, I feel like I can carry the weight of the universe on my shoulders.“ The Doctor whispered, her voice thick with emotion and River looked back at her full of surprise at the touching confession. The Doctor wasn’t usually one for confessions of love so it struck her as even more extraordinary… and concerning.

“You don’t need me for that, that’s all you.“ River smiled softly and kissed her forehead.

“I don’t think that’s true anymore…“ The Doctor gave her a sad smile and rested her head back on her chest, listening to the soothing double beat of her hearts again. She was warm, alive and real. At this point in time at least.

“Then you’re an idiot.“ River huffed, clearly not taking her very seriously at all. “You’re the Doctor. When have you ever been reliant on anyone?“ She trailed her finger tips up her arm. The Doctor gave a sort of bitter laugh.

“So much of what I do, what I have done… was to be the person you wanted me to be.“ She sighed. She had thought a lot about it the past nineteen years and one fundamental truth remained: her name was a promise to live up to, an ideal, an impossible goal. It was like striving for perfection and falling short, even on her best day. But sometimes, people around her made her better, made her want to try harder, and through them, she got a little closer to being the Doctor. No-one more so than her wife. “To you, I’m the Doctor. Your Doctor… Righteous, clever, funny, brave, always doing the right thing, never giving up… in a word, perfect…“ There was an incredible sadness in her voice that shook River to the core.

“Doctor, I…“ She started but the Doctor interrupted her softly:

“No, it’s true. That’s how you’ve always seen me and I have tried so hard not to disappoint you. And then, at Demon’s Run… that’s when I realised how I am perceived, how you perceived me… it changed me, made me better, but now…“ Not only did she feel like she had gone back on all the progress she’d made but she’d drifted further from the ideal than ever before.

“I don’t expect you to be perfect, Doctor, I never have and you are far from it. And that’s fine, that’s good.“ River said softy as she placed another kiss on top of her head. She nuzzled into her hair and continued: “It’s hard enough trying to keep up with an immortal being of legend, imagine the pressure if you were flawless, too, because I’m far from it.“ She chuckled, seemingly trying to make light of it.

“River…“ The Doctor launched a weak protest. She just didn’t seem to understand, how could she not understand this most fundamental truth at the heart of their relationship?

“Sweetie, whatever it is, whatever you’ve done… it’s okay. Sometimes you’re faced with impossible choices… and the very fact that you’re beating yourself up about it shows that you haven’t strayed far from the path at all, don’t you see?“ The Doctor didn’t know how to respond, but she remembered the future River that she had visited at the Library saying the same. She’d probably thought back to this conversation and it made the Doctor smile a little. She had been one - and perhaps several - steps ahead of her, as usual. “Whatever it is.“ River demanded her attention again, running her hand through her hair. “I forgive you, if that helps.“

“You do?“ The Doctor looked up, surprised at the strange relief her words brought her. River didn’t even know what she had done, surely she could tell from her behaviour that it was something very bad, and yet, without question she forgave her. Placing a trust in her that made her hearts a little lighter.

“Maybe you just needed to hear someone say that?“ River asked, seeing the relief reflected back at her.

“I love you, River. I’m so sorry to have disappointed you.“ The Doctor whispered and River cupped her face, trailing her thumb over her cheek.

“I don’t even know what you’re sorry for. But it’s okay. I love you… I’d probably still love you, even if you’d wiped out half the galaxy.“ She replied, her sincerity turning to a chuckle halfway through.

“I didn’t do that.“ The Doctor huffed with a roll of her eyes.

“Well then, we’re all good then, aren’t we.“ River winked and pressed her lips to hers in a reassuring, yet tender kiss.

“I’m so happy to have found you again…“ The Doctor whispered as she rested her forehead against hers.

“Now that you have… Care to spend the night?“ River smirked, her tone turning sultry upon sensing her wife had gotten through the worst of it. She hooked her finger around one of her yellow braces, pulling them playfully.

“That sounds like a very good idea.“ The Doctor grinned, excitement sweeping through her as she felt lighter than she had in a while. She pushed her hands into River’s curls and kissed her more deeply.

——

The next morning came all too soon and with a reminder: “Don’t be late.“ Was all Yaz’s text read and the Doctor knew she had a promise to keep. She had been so relieved that at least Yaz wanted to keep travelling with her, so she really shouldn’t be standing her up. Even though technically, she could keep jumping through time endlessly and still return to Sheffield on time, she knew she had postponed her journey for too long, taking detours to avoid the lingering questions.

“Mind doing me a favour, Sweetie?“ River asked before the Doctor could bid her goodbye.

“Anything.“ The Doctor smiled as she wrapped her arms around her, inhaling her perfume once more for good measure. She felt a lot calmer now. She knew she would see River again. Maybe not in this time and place but eventually. There was no need for lengthy goodbyes.

“I’ve finished writing my Master’s thesis, could you pop it by my younger self?“ River pointed to a pile of papers on the coffee table as she let go of her.

“Oh my God, are you serious?“ The Doctor exclaimed and her face fell.

“I can’t cross my own time stream and I already know you did, so…“ River gave her a wink.

“You do?“ The Doctor rolled her eyes.

“Well, looking back now, yes. At the time I just thought you were a very cute graduate that wanted to help me out.“ River revealed as she went to pick up the precious pages.

“Did you know it was me?“ The Doctor frowned, realising how early in her timeline they were talking about.

“You never said at the time.“ River recalled and the Doctor sighed:

“Oh great…“

“Doesn’t mean you won’t have fun though.“ River smirked, bopping her nose.

Perhaps one more trip before heading back to Sheffield…

[muse-oleum]

Alright

Kingsman - Harry Hart x Reader

Based on this request: Can you do next door neighbors AU? Harry being infatuated with the reader? It can be either smut or fluff! Or both!

Word count: 1k

Warnings: none

I have a thing for softy Harry, in case you hadn’t noticed.

A soft knock on your door interrupted your cozy Netflix and chill session. Frowning, you paused the wildlife documentary you’d been watching, heading to the front door. A delighted smile appeared on your face almost as soon as you opened it. 

Harry Hart, your neighbor, was standing in the rain, a small smile on his lips and a book in his hands. 

“Harry! Come on in! Have you just returned from your trip?” you asked, taking his umbrella from him, hanging the huge and slightly ominous-looking thing on the coat hanger by the door. 

Harry chuckled, divesting his coat automatically before pausing. 

“I don’t want to intrude on your evening, y/n, I simply came to give this back to you.” 

He handed you the book as he spoke, presenting its cover to you: The Silmarillion. 

Ah yes, one thing you and Harry had bonded over was your love of Tolkien. You’d almost forgotten you’d lent him your tattered first edition copy. His had been lost in a fire that had apparently destroyed his previous home a few months ago. Apparently, that was right after he’d lost his eye. 

You’d never dared to ask how a tailor could lose an eye on a “business trip,” as he’d called it when he moved into the house next door, but that had you more than a little perplexed. 

“I hope you enjoyed re-reading it?” you asked, showing him into the living room, where your Netflix documentary was still on pause. “I was just watching stuff about insects, although I really can’t think why since I despise critters.”

The word “despise” was said with such dramatic emphasis that Harry couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Not all insects are bad critters, y/n. What about butterflies?”

“Well, yes, if only I could get hold of them. I had a formidable collection of beetles, as a child, but they’re easier to catch.”

Harry’s eyes grew wide. By the look on his face, you could tell that beetles did not hold a particularly dear place in his heart. You’d have to enquire about that later. 

“Tea? Or something stronger?”

“Just tea, thank you. I really don’t want to intrude, especially if you were watching something…”

“Nonsense, we can watch it together.”

Harry followed your retreating form and heard you start the kettle. He wondered if you’d ever noticed just how infatuated he was with you. How much younger your bright eyes and vibrant laugh made him feel. 

He had felt like an old discarded parchment, battered to the four winds and stored away in a dusty place to rot, before he met you. Single handedly, you had brought back a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. How, he wasn’t quite sure, but then, he had no great experience with love. 

What he knew was that you felt right. And he felt good when he was with you. 

You brought back two steamy cups of tea, setting them down on the coffee table in front of the couch. Harry reached out for his almost immediately, relishing the warmth that began to sip through his fingers. 

“So, how was the trip?”

He shrugged, unwilling to talk about business.

“Much as it always is. Exhausting. Makes me realize I have grown less fond of travelling.”

“I never knew tailors traveled as much, before I met you. What do you do?”

You met his pained gaze, seeing a suffering of a kind you hadn’t seen before. 

Harry had always been reluctant to share much about his work, which had led you to believe that there was in fact more going on. But every time you asked, you could see pain reflected in his eyes, as if he tried to block some kind of memory that refused to go away. 

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I’m just… curious about you.”

Harry’s gaze was intense as he stared at you.

“I mean, you know a lot about me already: what I do, what I like, my age… all these little things that seem so trivial to others, they somehow… bother you.”

He sighed, taking a sip from his cup. 

“That’s because they do,” he frowned, flexing the fingers of his hand. “Truth be told, I’m not allowed to tell you more. In fact, already, by saying this, I’m telling you more than I should.” 

He let out a dark chuckle, playing with the wisps of steam.

“What I can say, is that I am, officially, a tailor, and officiously, someone else, although I promise you my name is my real name,” he added, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “And I’m in my fifties. Positively ancient compared to you.”

“What you see in me, then, I will never understand,” you said, laughing, “My parents always say they can’t understand me or any new generation at all!”

Harry didn’t laugh, not really. He simply stared at you, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Surprising you, he reached out to place a stray curl back in place behind your ear. The intimate gesture made you shiver. 

“You’re wrong,” he said softly, lowering his eyes into his cup of tea, “you make me feel much younger than I am. Before I joined the army, before… everything.”

You drew a sharp breath and he winced as soon as he realized he’d let the mask slip. 

He took a deep breath. 

“I feel alright when I’m with you. Better, frankly, than I’ve been in years, although I probably did not realize it back then.” 

Reaching out, you placed your hand on his, allowing yourself the small liberty to caress his knuckles. Only then did you notice they were bruised. 

“I’m glad,” you murmured, drawing one hand to your lips and kissing the bruises softly, “if I can make a difference.” 

Harry’s hand tightened on your own, and you managed to draw the brightest smile out of him that you’d ever seen until now. 

Taglist: @justawriterinprogress; @tonystrksslut; @emilyyblackkk; the-sea-belt; @flybi91

Let me know if you want to be added to the HH taglist!

[blueroan-equestrian]

His Sweet Girl part 2

part 1 link

https://blueroan-equestrian.tumblr.com/post/626155461113200640/his-sweet-girl

I woke up to Geralts arm wrapped around me and his gaze on me, “Geralt! You’re staring at me!” I giggle.

He pushes my hair behind my ear and he whispers to me, “Sweet girl, how could I not be staring at you? You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.”

I lean in to press my lips firmly against his, “Geralt your such a softy!”

“Only for you my sweet girl.” Geralt hummed happily before forcing himself up and getting dressed.

“Where are you going baby?”

“Come on we need to check out so I can get a job and then we can check back in.”

I get up and get dressed, “Okay but I want to stock up on previsions.”

Geralt tossed me the bag with the enchantment to give it more space than it should have, “Alright there should be enough for what ever you want. I will find you but if I can’t, we meet here before night fall.”

I smile and we share a deep kiss before we split up, “Of course, but be careful for me.”

He kisses me again, “You know that I will sweet girl, I always will be for you my wife.”

We separate and go amongst our day. I gathered things like food and ingredients for Geralts potions. Geralt of course can make his own potions but I make them so he can focus more on his work. I sat in at a table in the back of a tavern working on various ingredients I didn’t need a fire for. I ground the herbs with the stone tool and bowl. I work until a stench filled my nose and I looked up and saw my Geralt covered in cuts and guts. I pack and run to him, “Geralt!!!! Honey!” I cry.

He puts his hands up to stop me from going to him. “Let’s go to the inn I’ll get cleaned up and I promise to tell you what happened. But I want to get cleaned up before you touch me, I don’t want to ruin your lovely dress.”

We quickly got a room with a bath tub and I go to draw him a bath while he stripped. I took all our dirty clothes, while Geralt bathed, I went out to wash our dirty clothes in the downstairs wash room. The tub for washing was perfect and I washed my hair in it first and then I worked with all the regular clothes before getting to Geralts gut covered clothes. When I returned Geralt was out of the bath laying down on the bed naked leaving all his deep cuts exposed. “Geralt!” I shrieked startling him awake.

“Hmmm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me! Oh Geralt you have to let me take care of you! Oh Geralt I wouldn’t have left if I had known!”

“Hmmm...”

“Don’t Hmm me Geralt what if you bled to death while I was gone. Baby .... what if I had lost you?”

“You didn’t lose me and it looks worse than it really is ... really.” Geralt tried to assure me as he sat up.

“Well at least let me patch you up.” I say as I grab our bag and go to sit at the edge of our bed. I pull out various materials that I would need to patch up his wounds.

He sat quietly as I worked, till I got to the gash on his side “I know I should have told you about this one, I’m sorry really sweetheart.” Geralt hissed when I decided he needed stitches. He held still but I could tell the flesh in the area was tender. Once I was finished I crawled into bed with him and he turned his head to look at me, “Love of my life? ... are you angry with me?”

I lean towards him and place a soft kiss on his lips and then lay back down, “No baby, I’m just worried about you. That’s all, I promise. But I do wish I had known so I could have helped you clean up. It must have been difficult for you to clean yourself up.”

He tunnels his arm under me and pulled me close to him, “I am fine, now in the morning we need to get out of here. I don’t think they will tolerate me much longer.”

I scoff, “So you solve their problems and then they want you gone... I thought people would be more accepting by now.”

He kisses the top of my head and he whispered, “I know love, but you have been with me for decades and it’s always been like this and I know you hate how they treat me but they have started treating you better and haven’t tried to prosecute you in quite awhile for being a witch or even for just being my wife. And that’s all that matters to me... you are my light my sweet girl.”

“And that’s what I want for you. Can’t I want the same for you?”

He kisses me again, “Of course sweet girl, I am just trying to put you at ease and I know you will worry about it anyway but I just want you to know that I am happy truly happy. Now let’s get some sleep before we leave tomorrow.”

...

Geralt woke me up in the morning and he threw me up on Roach by myself and he walked beside her leading us down the town road. Even I could feel that something was up and he seemed to, too. First, it was one man and then it was many. Geralt might heal fast but he was still in no shape to fight without ripping out his stitches so while I know that, Geralt hates portals, I made one and demanded we go through. Luckily he didn’t argue we just went through to another part of the world.

part three 

https://blueroan-equestrian.tumblr.com/post/626696253095510016/his-sweet-girl-part-3

[writingsfromhome]

A June Love Story (Pt 2)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Epilogue

June. Three years ago.

Harry: The outdoor garden is alight with laughter and happy greetings as everyone comes together for Jack and Jess’s baby shower. I try to find a familiar face as I walk through the gates, but I only recognise Jack’s family. My eyes continue scanning anyway, barely admitting to myself I was looking for one face in particular.

A small gasp from beside me lets me know my girlfriend had returned with our name tags. Leave it to Jack to have nametags at a baby shower to help everyone mingle. “This is lovely isn’t it?”

I look down at Alyssa, my girlfriend of seven months-the longest I’d kept a girlfriend in a while. Jack’s Jess actually made the introduction, she was her maid of honour at their wedding. And as cliche as it was, the maid of honour did indeed end the night in the best man’s bed.

Alyssa scrunchles her nose and loops her arm through mine, “let’s go find the parents-to-be!”

“Yeah okay,” I laugh. Alyssa was always a bubbly personality, never a mean word out of her. It was refreshing but the complete opposite of how I could get. I always had to watch what I said, she was too soft for harsh words.

“I heard there’s a secret baby wager going around,” Alyssa tells me as we make our way to the deck. “Don’t tell Jess though, I’m pretty sure it was Jack who started it.”

“Oh it was definitely Jack who started it,” I chuckle. “You can get him to bet on anything.”

“So?” Alyssa peers at me. “What did you wager?”

“Why did you think I wagered?” I laugh but Alyssa only raises her eyebrow; I give in. “A boy.”

Alyssa rolls her eyes but we stop the conversation as Jess nears, “There you are!” She hugs the both of us and the girls begin gushing over how big her bump had gotten. As much as I would love to have kids of my own someday, it wasn’t today. I zone out and look around the small garden, I almost don’t catch her.

Y/N, in the flesh. The last time I saw her was Jack’s wedding, she’d been a little cold. I didn’t blame her. After she broke down in front of me at her housewarming, I guessed she was embarassed again. But she stayed away the whole weekend, avoiding me until I cornered her on the dance floor on wedding day.

She’d confessed, she was avoiding me. And she also admitted she was confused anytime she saw me, it complicated her feelings, her relationship with Nate which she was sorting out. She didn’t want to put more strain on it. I told her to break up with him. She got upset and said I would never understand, things were complicated. She left. I decided Y/N was never going to leave Nate, I was putting my love life on hold for her but “we” were never going to happen. So I went to bed with the maid of honour.

When I realised a few weeks ago I was seeing her again, I couldn’t stop thinking about her again: all my old feelings resurfaced. And here I was trying to find her face in the crowd even though I was here with Alyssa. But there was a draw to Y/N I couldn’t deny. It was unhealthy.

She’s talking to Jack, I realise. And her hair was short. Really short. And dyed. She has on a white tee tucked into loose green trousers. There was no Nate in sight. I had to talk to her before he showed up and ruined things as he did.

“Look at Harry eyeing Jack,” Jess’ voice snaps me out of it. I didn’t realise how hard I was staring. “You can be excused from this boring conversation Harry! Go talk to him!”

Alyssa giggles and pecks my cheek before leaving with Jess. I push aside the guilt of what I was really looking at, I do what they say. My heart pounds the closer I get to her.

“The godfather to my unborn child,” Jack spots me first and rushes me. I grapple with his body and hug him.

“I will ruin your child if you make me the godfather,” I swear. “I don’t know the first thing about kids. I’m not worthy.”

“Nah I’ve seen you with your wittle fans,” Jack mocks and looks over at Y/N to include her. “He’s this big softie inside.”

“Y/N,” I acknowledge her, anticipating a cold nod. But surprisingly, her face breaks into a genuine smile and it takes my bloody breath away.

“Harry,” she moves to give me a hug. She’s warm from the sun and smells like lavender. I could stay there longer but we break apart.

“Look at the two of you,” Jack comments as we break. “No fighting, no rudeness. Almost like we’re all adults.”

“I can speak for myself, but I don’t know if we can call Harry that quite yet,” Y/N teases.

“There it is, I should’ve known it was coming.” Jack swings his arm and we all laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Alyssa comes up from behind and she joins the group. With the way Y/N watches her arm wrap around my waist, I realise she didn’t know. She didn’t know. And her face falls now that she does.

“These two finally getting along,” Jack says when nobody talks.

“I don’t think we’ve formally met,” Y/N sticks out her hand. “You’re Jess’ bridesmaid right?”

“Maid of honour,” Alyssa corrects and I watch my worlds collide as they shake hands. “But most people call me Alyssa.”

That earns a laugh but as the group eases into small talk, I avoid looking at Y/N. I didn’t know what I expected today, but the reality of it makes me realise I was in some deep shite.

Y/N: The one time I’m finally single, Harry’s not. It’s my bloody luck! I’m single after years and the one guy I thought I might reconnect with, is taken. The worst part, by a kind and gorgeous woman.

The last time I saw Harry was at Jack’s wedding. I was still with Nate then, we were on the cusp of another breakup. But it felt different that time. Seeing Jack marry the woman he was so clearly in love with, the same woman who’d broken his heart after their split...it made me realise things. Nate and I broke up again and again and every time we got back together, we were just more broken than before. We were papier maché of broken bits acting like a perfect whole-Jack and Jess broke up once, and soon as they got back together, Jack had proposed and she’d said yes. And I was still in the same shitty relationship from my early twenties. I couldn’t even imagine Nate proposing. It was pathetic how I fooled myself into thinking we were worth something together.

What was more pathetic was it took another month to officially break up with Nate. Convince him it was for good, forever. It took a week for him to move on to a girl he met at a club. And another four months of living in the empty house he’d moved out of because it was my name on the lease. As soon as the year was over, I’d found the first decent flat and that marked the end of a shitty almost decade of my life.

And today, it seemed my shitty decade persisted. It was clear I was fated to be alone and miserable.

“So where’s Nate?” Harry asks me and that gets a string of swear words out of Jack. Alyssa looks on confused.

“We broke up,” I say simply, carefully watching Harry’s barelt hide the shock and something that almost looks like regret. I wondered what was going on in his head, and immediately feel like a bad person. He was in a happy relationship, I shouldn’t interfere.

“Thank fuck,” Jack says just as Jess walks up. He winces and covers her stomach.

“You know you’re not covering the baby’s ears, right?” Jess says to Jack.

“I am-I’m a doctor honey, I would know.” Jack says and kisses Jess. My heart twinges, I can’t help it. I missed the feeling of being so in love.

“So as a doctor can you figure out why Alyssa is so afraid of children,” Harry asks, the conversation fast moving away from my breakup thankfully. But moving towards Alyssa and Harry having a baby and the thought makes my stomach drop.

“I just don’t want to bring another human into this world!” Alyssa defends herself, it sounded like it was an argument they’d had before. “I’ll gladly be the godmother though. I just don’t want any of my own.”

“Isn’t it nice the godmother and father of our children made it easy for us, they’re already a couple.” Jack comments.

“Thanks to my matchmaking skills,” Jess says. So that’s how it happened, I think.

***

My cramps kick in later in the day and I scramble to find a painkiller. The intensity makes me sit out of the games, so I settle down on a picnic blanket near a garden patch, happily watching the competition between Jack and Jess’ friends. Three girls and guys stand as their groups try to make diapers out of TP before they tag the next person to change a doll’s diaper. A baby-themed obstacle course, which was probably Jess-inspired. I smile at the thought.

Lost in thought, I pick up a few of the fallen flowers just as a pair of sneakers come into view and breaks me away from my thoughts.

“Can I join you?” Harry’s low voice asks.

“Sure,” I brush aside my mixed feelings and shift to make room. He sits down, leaning back to watch the games. One of the girls being dressed was Alyssa. Her back is mostly to us but he watches her fondly.

“It’s been a while,” Harry finally says, looking over at me.

“Yeah,” I twirl a flower in my fingers, a couple petals fall off. “Feels like a lifetime ago though since we last saw each other. Congrats, by the way, on your awards.”

I’d watched every second of that awards show, attentive to every moment Harry was on screen. I’d gone to text him later that night and realise I never even had his number.

“Thanks,” Harry skims past the accolades humbly. “Seems like a lot has changed between now and then.”

“I know,” I try not to sound bitter. “I finally broke up with Nate, you got together with Alyssa-who is lovely by the way. Let’s see...you won an amazing award-your career’s really taking off, I moved into a flat in central and got a promotion and...am I missing anything else?”

“You changed your hair,” Harry says like duh.

I laugh and point to his buzzcut, “Yeah. I did, so did you.”

It was a rash decision on my part. When I moved into the new flat, I wanted to be done with every part of my old life. So I’d done something drastic. Remembering it dredges up unwanted feelings: loneliness, anger, insecurities, and unhappiness. I go quiet as Harry laughs at something that happens with the obstacle course. It takes me back to when we first met, how I wanted to hear that laugh for the rest of my life. And that wasn’t something I could have anymore.

“Earth to Y/N,” Harry says gently. I’m too lost in thought to look up but he calls my name again, his fingers lifting my chin up so I’m looking at him. He’d shifted closer to call my name, leaning on his hand that’s splayed right beside me, the tips of his fingers a breath away from my thighs. The pain of being so close to him yet not being with him is palpable.

With his fingers still on my chin, my eyes meet his and I realise I’d never seen them this close up with the sunlight leaving no shadows in sight. They ask me a question I don’t know how to answer, they ask if I was okay. But I really didn’t know anymore.

I put on a smile for his sake, so he wouldn’t ask out loud, and push the flower I was playing with behind his ear. He looks cute, and my smile widens as I drop my hand down to lay beside his. His smile stays in place, his pinky reaching out to touch me while his eyes still watch me, asking the same question. My smile drops away and I look down again to our hands so close together. I couldn’t let him see me cry like he did once. I was stronger than I was then-I couldn’t cry.

“Harry there you are! Do you like it?” We both look up as Alyssa comes running up to show off her TP diaper and sash. Harry leans away and I immediately miss the feeling of him being so close. God, what was wrong with me.

“Wow what a look,” Harry stands up and walks towards her. She grins, so clearly in love with him. Like his eyes were only for her-and they probably were. I think I pushed Harry away one time too many. Our chance was gone. Yet to think all he had to say was “yes” four years ago, we could have had our chance all this time.

June. Two Years Ago.

The crowd was huge and I grab Jack’s arm to avoid getting lost. The sun was relentless, shining down her rays until I was sticky and sunburnt.

“Can you believe this?” Jack shouts to me. I mouth an I know as we grin at each other. It was the first festival we’d been to in years, the feeling of hot bodies packed together in the sun was not as fun in your late twenties than your early twenties. The only reason we were here was because Harry was playing and we were stoked, ready to scream with the crowd as he performed. I told him I would wear the neon cowboy hat so he could find us in the crowd.

“Our boy’s a bloody rockstar!” A giddy laugh bubbles up as we make our way into the crowd to find Jess and Alyssa.

It had been a year since I found out about Alyssa and Harry, I was crushed about it. But Harry really was incredibly happy with her, and the more time I spent with her the more I liked her and got over my petty feelings. Jack usually invited me to be their fifth wheel on double-dates or would set me up with a friend of his and Jess’. None of the setups were as good as Harry but a couple did last a few months. I was feeling better than I had in a long time though, and finding my freedom in being single. And Harry and I were actually friends, often texting each other stupid memes and videos.

“There they are!” Jack points to two girls. I slow down as Jack rushes to surprise Jess from behind. I slowly approach and Jess pulls me into her famous hugs.

“It’s so he can spot us,” I say when Jess asks about my choice of hat. “Speaking of the devil...” I look to the front just as Harry walks onstage and the crowd around us becomes one large megaphone.

And the experience is pure magic. Harry becomes otherwordly on stage as he performs the songs I knew every word to and we all shout the lyrics back to him. During his slower songs, the crowd quiets down and my heart bursts realising just how much I loved the man onstage. How loved he was by the enormous crowd.

“I’m so telling Harry he made you cry,” Jack says in my ear and I startle; I didn’t realise I was crying.

“I’ll kill you-“ I say as Jack already snaps a picture. I stick up my finger for the second and he takes a selfie with me for the third. I roll my eyes as Harry introduces his last song.

“It’s not on my album, or any platforms. I think it’s my first time performing it...”

I assume it was a song about Alyssa, he’d already sang two about her. I glance at her to see her reaction but her head is bent over a phone. Curiosity gets the better of me-who would she be texting while Harry was performing?

I could barely make out the name but it’s definitely not Harry’s; I can only see hearts. The texts themselves...I quickly bounce back on my heels and look away just as Alyssa looks back at me. I pretend to be interested in Harry, only glancing at her because she was looking at me. She smiles but she looks guilty and my heart thuds, louder than the crowd, ready to fall out of my chest as I fall back into his fans. I try to push away the ugly truth of it.

“So the working title is Speechless, but don’t hold me to it.” Harry says and I swear he’s looking right at me. My heart takes another beating as the name clicks, I didn’t know how much more my heart could take as it flutters along with the opening notes and into the chorus

Mouth open, shut, she’s speechless. Heart open, shut, I’m speechless.

I listen to his lyrics. They’re about me. About a strong woman who he left speechless, that being the only power he had over her. Because I might love her but she didn’t love me, she gave herself to another and left me lonely.

Harry was with Alyssa, I remind myself. Alyssa might be...cheating on Harry? But they were still together. Harry and Alyssa. Together.

So why was he performing this, in front of me?

***

“You sure you don’t want anything?” Jess asks me, as they order food from a stand. I couldn’t think about eating, I make an excuse that I was staying hydrated. Harry told us about a private area we could meet him, he’d told security we were coming so we were just getting a bite to take to him. I wasn’t sure what I would do when we got to him.

He’s a sweaty happy mess when we do, listening to everyone’s praises with a big grin, laughing and acting shy as we all hug him. This was his first festival!

“How did you like the new song?” Harry asks, his eyes lingering on mine.

“I was speechless,” Jack jokes.

“I’m curious who the inspiration was,” Alyssa teases Harry, I try not to act as flustered.

“Someone long ago,” Harry winks and they pretend to be scandalized.

“I’m starving,” Jess lifts her container. “I’m finding a place to sit.”

Alyssa and her head to an empty spot while the three of us head to the water station first.

“So when are you going to do it?” I hear Jack asking Harry as I fill my bottle.

“Do what?” I ask, looking from Jack to Harry.

“Uhm, I was going to-I was thinking today was a good time to finally-“

“He’s bloody proprosing to Alyssa!” Jack whispers to me. If I thought the song or Alyssa’s texts were going to end me, I was wrong. This was worse. It felt like a trainwreck I could only watch, and not stop. This was going to end horribly, and Harry. Harry...I didn’t want him to end up in a relationship like mine. I had to stop it somehow.

“Y/N?” Jack waves his hand in front of my face.

“Woah!” I try to cover up. “I was waiting for the punchline! Harry, really? You’re ready to-to commit?”

“Yeah,” Harry shrugs. “I think it’s time.”

“Have you guys talked about it?” I ask curiously.

“A couple times. But I know it’s the right time.”

“I asked Jess to marry me before we talked about it,” Jack says, and I know he’s eyeing me suspiciously. He knew me too well. “And look at us now.”

“You and Jess are a golden exception Jack,” I roll my eyes. “I just want to make sure Harry isn’t springing it unexpected.”

Jack’s phone rings-Jess wondering what was taking us so long and asking if he could get her another drink. That leaves Harry and me walking back together alone and the guilt of knowing his girlfriend may be cheating on him eats me up so I burst after we walk in silence.

“Harry, I don’t think you should do it.”

“What?” Harry heard me but he looks confused. “Why would you say that?”

“I just...I can’t...I can’t say. Just trust me.” I didn’t want to be the one to break it to him. But I didn’t want him to fuck his life up either.

“Trust you? Give me something to trust Y/N! Why wouldn’t I propose to the woman I love?”

Ouch. “Just trust me Harry please,” I stop and grab his arm. “I never interfere with your love life unlike you do with mine, but I just think you should wait. Talk to her about it first. I don’t want you to make a mistake.”

Harry scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why don’t you tell me what this is really about Y/N.”

“What?” Now it was my turn to be confused.

“I know we’ve had a history, and you’ve been out of a relationship for a while. But that song was one I wrote years ago, when you were still with Nate. I was in love with you then-not-not now. I love Alyssa, not you.”

My jaw drops, that was not what I meant but Harry’s bluntness is misdirected, his old mean streak coming out. I wanted to tell him what I saw on her phone even more than before, how did he think I was that...jealous that I would stop him because I wanted him?

“What the fuck!” I finally sputter out after Harry turns to continue walking. “D-do you really-who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? You really think I’m petty enough to try to stop you because I think we belong together or some-you’re a self-centered dick, Harry! I’m just looking out for you!”

“I don’t want you to! I never asked you to!” Harry shouts back. “I don’t need you in my life Y/N! I don’t need your judgements or your advice. I want nothing from you. Unlike you, I have a healthy relationship with an amazing woman and I plan on bloody marrying her whether you want me to or not!”

“I-“ his words sting the back of my eyes and the lump in my throat feels like a tennis ball lodged too tight. I don’t need you in my life. He was right, we weren’t as close ever since he got together with Alyssa...we only ever hung out because of Jack. Harry moved on from me. “You know what, whatever. I cared about you as a friend Harry, that’s why I look out for you. Maybe you should ask yourself why your performed that song in the first place if you love Alyssa so much. But whatever. If I’m nothing to you, do whatever-just do whatever you want. I’m going to find Jack.”

I force my wobbling legs to turn around and go in the direction that Jack left. I find him just as he pays for his drinks and when he sees me he knows something’s wrong but I deny it until he gives up. I claim I felt sick, to let the group know. I let myself cry when I reach my car, not knowing Harry was proposing at the exact same moment.

June 21, One Year Ago

Harry: “Have you spoken to Y/N recently?” Jack asks me over the phone. I could hear Jack’s kid crying in the background, his daughter born in April-who they also named April.

“Not since your baby shower,” I reply. “You know we don’t talk anymore. After I fucked it all up.”

“I thought you patched things up at the baby shower?” Jack asks.

“I tried but Alyssa was there and I was distracted. She was just polite. I think I ruined anything between us for good.” And I felt like an idiot. After the whole disaster between Y/N and I at the festival, what was supposed to be the happiest day turned into the worst when I got back home.

Alyssa confessed to me that night she’d said yes because we were in front of all our friends but she couldn’t marry me. She’d met someone else, nothing actually happened between them but she couldn’t marry me. And it tore me apart. I finally understood why Y/N was trying to stop me, she must’ve known somehow.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realised how hard I was trying to force Alyssa to be my perfect girl. She wasn’t. I could never let go around her, always had to make sure I didn’t offend her. She never wanted kids, one day I did. I wasn’t enough for her, I forced her to be enough for me.

But at the time, I was heartbroken. I drank myself into blackouts and missed so many important meetings. I lost an album deal and set my bloody career back. I lost the only girl who maybe was enough for me, told her she was nothing to me. And I only apologised to her a few months ago. By then, it seemed like she moved on.

“Mate, what the hell are you doing feeling sorry for yourself and not trying harder for her? She doesn’t have a boyfriend, she’s still in love with you-“

“How do you know?” I demand. “She treated me like she was forced to talk to me. She’s over me. We were over before we had any chance!”

“Whenever I bring you up, she flinches Harry. She’s still hurt by what you said, that means she’s not over you. Just talk to her.”

“Is that Harry? Tell him I’ll put these babies down and kick his arse if he doesn’t go after Y/N! Did you see her last time she came over for dinner...” Jess in the background interrupts the conversation. Maybe the worst part of all this was I did give up on Y/N. I was embarassed that she knew about Alyssa and me before I did. And I’d said such stupid things to her. I didn’t think I was redeemable.

Y/N: I check my hair in the mirror one last time before I grab my purse. I was meeting Jack and Jess at a nearby restaurant for dinner, ever since they had their baby in April I had only seen them once. They’d secured a babysitter-Jack’s sister-and we were all planning on just catching up.

On the tube ride there, I can’t help but think about Harry. Usually dinners with J&J meant Harry was there too but ever since the festival, his proposal...the four of us hadn’t hung out. We talked for a bit at Jack’s baby shower, I had tried to act like I moved on and was doing really well. I don’t know if he bought it. Alyssa was there with her new boyfriend and she seemed happier than ever, I noticed how Harry kept looking at her. That had done it for me, he was still hung up over her. Even though Jack told me he was in a bad place after the breakup but better now, it was right before me. And I was done reading in between the lines with Harry.

I get to the restaurant just as Jack’s pulling out Jess’ chair. It was a fanicier restaurant, our table in the middle of the space. Jess springs back up to give me a tight squeeze and we settle in but I notice they glance at each other frequently.

“Is something the matter?” I ask after the fifth time.

“No? Why?” Jack looks at Jess again and I point it out.

“There! Why do you keep looking at each other?”

Jack and Jess’s gaze moves above my shoulders and I feel a presence behind me. I turn around and Harry stares back just as shocked.

“You guys bloody did not,” I stand up and face them. “Is this just an elaborate hoax to get me to talk to him?”

“I didn’t know anything about this,” Harry raises his hands in defence. But he still moves towards the empty seat. Like he was okay with this.

“We didn’t mean to parent trap you two but...” Jess looks to Jack.

“You have a lot to talk about. We hate having to see you guys separately, we miss the gang. Just have one dinner that’s all.”

I want to whip my glass across the wall, I was angrier than I should be. But it wasn’t like they didn’t mean well. So I drop into my seat like a child after a temper tauntrum and glare at Harry. I ignore him up until we order when Jack gets a “text” from his sister about an emergency and just like that, they rush off and leave Harry and I alone.

“We haven’t even ordered yet,” I say. “We could just call it a night ourselves.”

“J&J went through all this to get us to dinner, we could just...have dinner.” Harry looks at me from his menu. It’s like my life had come full circle, Jack setting me up to have dinner with Harry. Except this time, it’s Jack and his wife and I already know Harry would just be a waste of my time.

“You’d like that,” I mutter as I stare at the words without reading them.

“What?” Harry leans in. “Are you talking shite under your breath?”

My brows shoot up, taken aback by Harry’s abrasiveness. I hadn’t seen this side to Harry in a while. “What if I am?”

“I’d like to know what you’re saying,” Harry moves to the seat next to me. “Lay it on me.”

I stare at Harry’s strange behaviour, glance at his glass but it’s untouched.

“This dinner?” I stare him square in the eye.” “Really for your benefit. Jack probably pitied you and decided to try to rekindle the flame he lit in the first place, I don’t bloody care to be here. I’m fine if you’re not in my life.”

“Who said I want this?” Harry asks. “I’m fine if you’re not in my life.”

Even though I’d just said those words to him, when he says them back they sting a little. And it must’ve shown in my face because Harry backs down a little. He reaches for his glass and takes the first sip. The waiter takes our order and I’m left staring at Harry’s side profile as he burns a hole into his glass. I open my mouth to talk but he speaks first.

“I’m sorry for being so horrible to you. All these years, not just at the festival.” Harry finally makes eye contact and it’s my turn to look away. He waits for me to say something and when I don’t he speaks again. “You don’t have to forgive me, I understand if you don’t. But I did lie right now, I wouldn’t be fine if you weren’t in my life. I haven’t been fine. I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry.”

Tears spring up and I hate them. But remembering Harry’s words from that day, how often I did recall them. And I think he’s done but he continues:

“I really thought I had it all figured out with Alyssa. When I think about it now I know we would never have lasted. I don’t know how you knew she...but she couldn’t...it just wasn’t meant to be. With her and me. And I wish I believed I wasn’t such a dick that day. I think I was just scared what losing her would mean. So I lost you instead.”

I would never admit it, but life was a little less dull without Harry. I missed when we hung out with J&J, the four of us had fun. But I didn’t want my life to be a pattern of crawling back to any man I had history with.

“Thank you for apologising,” I say formally, it was the only way I wouldn’t cry. “But I don’t think we can be friends again.” It’s too painful, too much had happened between us.

Harry doesn’t speak for a while, I thought he wasn’t going to until he does: “Okay, if that’s what you want.” I see him lean back in the chair from the corner of my eyes. He pinches his nose and sighs, “I’ll respect your...what you want.”

It’s awkwardly silent between us as we wait for dinner. Jack texts me just as it arrives and I check it discreetly.

I’m sorryyyy!! False alarm but we decided to take the babies home. Give him a chance Y/N, he’s always asking about you. Don’t shut him out!!!! Xxx

I want to facetime Jack just to flip him off but I turn my phone over and focus on swallowing my food without throwing up.

“So,” Harry starts. “Since we’re havig dinner we should talk.”

“What do you want to talk about?” I decided to stay polite.

Harry looks intensely at me, “What you’ve been up to? Unless you don’t want to get...personal.”

I shrug. “I haven’t had much of a life outside of work. But I booked a month off next month, I’m visiting some American friends.”

“Oh? Where are they located?”

“Some in New York City, LA, Seattle, and one in Chicago.”

“You’re going to visit all of them?” Harry sounds surprised.

“Yep,” the excitement for the trip flares up again and I can’t help but grin. “New York first, then make my way to Chicago and then Seattle. But the most exciting part is I’m going to drive down to LA after that-“

“Alone? That’s cool!” Harry joins in on my excitement.

“Right?! I just needed...” I sputter out as I remember it was Harry I was talking to. But then, I say screw it. “I just feel like the last few years with Nate and stuff, I needed an adventure. To just go out and explore.”

“I think that sounds perfect.” Harry smiles and he looks genuinely happy for me. The way he looks at me, I feel flushed as I concentrare on my food and throw the question back at him.

“Catching up on studio time,” he says. “I missed out on a lot after...Alyssa and I split. I’m going on tour in a month.”

“Local tour?” I ask.

“America, actually.” Harry says and I raise my eyebrow.

“Maybe we’ll bump into each other,” I say without thinking. We pause as we stare at each other. I break eye contact.

“It’s a big country,” Harry says. “But if we’re destined to meet...I’d like that.”

We talk some more, Harry telling me his plan for his new album and accepting my crticism. We decide to skip dessert, I claim I was getting tired but the night was just growing heavy. I missed Harry like you miss a childhood friend. It felt like we might have outgrown each other, I wanted things to go back to simpler times, but it was so easy to fall back into a familiar pattern when we were together. It was confusing and upsetting.

Instead of an Uber this time, Harry had driven himself and he offers to drop me off. He was passing me on his way home apparently.

The ride is silent, but not awkward. An unspoken agreement to just exist beside each other and not force a conversation. As we near my flat, his song comes on. He goes to change it but I swat his hand away and turn the volume up. I catch him glancing at me but I turn my head out my window and let Speechless wash over me. The only song anyone’s ever written for me.

Before I leave, I turn to him, the goodbye a painful one. “Goodnight Harry.”

“Goodnight,” he watches me with sorrow and it makes me pause as I hop out.

“I had a nice dinner even though we were parent trapped together.”

He laughs, relief coating his features. “Me too, it wasn’t as painful as you looked when you first spotted me. I thought you were going to run out of that place.”

“I was not,” I laugh. I decide to lean back in the car and peck his cheek goodbye. “I’m really proud of you Harry. You’re definitely going places.”

He smiles, but his eyes give away the truth behind what he was thinking. It was a thought I couldn’t entertain.

I wish him goodnight again and head to my doors, making sure I didn’t turn around. I wasn’t sure I would have the strength to walk away if I did.

I drop my keys by my door and head to my room, shedding the day as I step out of my oufit and into my sweatpants. My tickets to JFK in two and a half weeks greet me as I open my freezer for ice cream, I might have refused dessert tonight but my heart needed the sweet relief that I was going to be okay. In under three weeks I was going to be halfway across the world tasting freedom and a new adventure! I couldn’t wait. As I dream about what was waiting for me, I begin to think I really was going to be okay.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Runaways

A/N: I actually got this idea from a Wattpad one shot I read but they didn’t continue the story after Gerard gets home so I was like “I’ll just continue it then”. So here you all go, hope you enjoy. Pairing: Criminal!Gerard x F!Reader Word count: 1569 Warnings: Steamy scenes, not actual sex description though

Gerard was one of the sweetest men you knew. At least when you actually knew him.

That fact only made life that much duller when he was sentences to 10 years in federal prison for running a state wide drug ring. You still remember sitting behind him in the court room as they jury announced their verdict. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the initial 25 years (thanks to the great attorney he had hired), but it was still a slap to the face.

You looked at him and he looked at you. Tears had already began to flood your eyes as he mouthed “I love you”, and was taken away.

So two years later you still had your office job and a new small apartment. Nothing much had changed, you still had no one other than your best friend who lives five states away. She was the only one who didn’t disown you after finding out about your relationship with Gerard.

You had a bin in your closet, filled with letters from your lover who was locked away. He wrote to you at least once a week, and you would always write back. They didn’t let anyone visit him, it was that isolated. So the only way you even got remote contact was via mail.

But he wrote the sweetest things. Talking about how he thought about you for hours on end everyday, would sometimes stay up all night staring at the photo he had of you. You didn’t doubt it for a second, you and Gerard has such a raw romance it all made sense.

Every letter ended with “I will come back to you. I promise.” You never doubted that either, but eight more years without him seemed nearly impossible to imagine.

You had decided to make some pasta and vegetables for dinner. Everything had become tasteless at this point, so it didn’t even matter what you had in your pantry at the time. Whatever it was, you would eat it just to get some nutrition.

Sitting down in the beige living room you had on the leather couch, you turned on the TV to see what politicians were bickering about and what local events were going on. You began eating, when a breaking news alert came on. Great, you thought, some fire or something.

“An estimated amount of over 50 inmates have escaped from Greentown Federal Prison today, police are on the lookout for all the convicts. Law enforcement encourages citizens to stay inside, and to not go outside unless it’s an emergency.” Your eyebrows shot up as you smirked at the news.

“Finally something interesting.” You smirked. Of course you didn’t think of the obvious at the moment, until only a few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

You got up, wiping your mouth with a napkin and setting your plate on the counter. You weren’t expecting anybody, it was around eight at night. You went to the door and opened it, but before you could register anything you had arms wrapped around you and a long kiss on your lips. Gerard?

You kissed back instantly knowing who it was by his touch. “Gee?” You asked finally pulling away and looking up. He looked around the same, his hair a little longer and more tangled than before.

“Yeah, babe.” He smiled.

“Oh my-” You weren’t sure what to say, so naturally you began crying, “It’s you.” You hugged him again.

“Shhh,” He cooed, hugging you back and rubbing your back, “I know, sugar, I know.”

“Gee, what are you doing?” You asked, looking up at him and cupping his cheeks in your hands.

“I broke out.” He said, sighing. “Which is why we need to go.” You froze for a second, “You there?” “Yeah, I just, I um-” You began, shutting and triple locking the door, “Shit! Gerard the police are going to be here any fucking minute! Are you insane?” “No,” He said, “I have a plan.” “Do you?” You asked.

“Yes! Now grab a bag and pack some shit and go.” You ran to the other room as you hurriedly put some clothes in a duffel bag. You could hear Gerard looking through some boxes before you shot out.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him as he began grabbing some stuff from cardboard boxes you had never opened (he had told you not to).

“Thank you for not opening these.” He sighed, “These will help us now.” He grabbed your free hand and ran you out of the apartment, down the stairs, and into a black car you had never seen before. Both of you got into the back. “Ready boss?” The driver asked and Gerard nodded.

The vehicle drove away and down two streets as you heard distant headlights. You froze, until you realized it was just the cops arriving at your apartment, which has now been abandoned by you and Gee.

Most of the way it was silent between the four of you in the car. You didn’t speak because you had no clue what to say. Your whole world had literally just been turned upside down, yet that still couldn’t sink in.

“I missed you.” He whispered from where he sat next to you, placing his hand on your thigh.

“I missed you too.” You lightly smiled, placing your hand on his.

“You’re nervous.” He said. You nodded. “It’ll be alright babe, okay? We have a plan.”

“Gee, I just-” “I know.” He stopped me, “I know you don’t want to get involved. And trust me, I didn’t want you to either. But the cops were going to come for you either way.” You nodded knowing in the end he was right. It wasn’t like you could necessarily turn to anyone else.

After only a few more minutes of driving and entering a completely wooded forest, you pulled into a driveway. “Boss, we’re here.” The guy said. The two of you got out, retrieving your bags from the back. He nodded at the driver and the passenger as they drove off and down the road.

“Where are we?” You asked him, he held you tightly with his arm around you.

“About 10 minutes away from the safehouse.”

“Safehouse?” You asked. He lightly laughed.

“You really think I would’ve done this without a safehouse, sugar?” He kissed the top of you head, “I’m not that stupid.” “I could list a few times where you were-” “Oh hush.” He rolled his eyes, “This is going to be relaxing, alright?” “Relaxing?” You asked, “Gerard, you just escaped from fucking prison-” “Not so loud sugar.” He hushed you, “We don’t need any body else knowing that.” A short walk on the dirt road later and a small wooden cabin appeared.

“This is it?” You asked and he nodded, “It seems pretty nice for a safe house.” “Well that’s the point isn’t it?” He turned to you, “You know I would only give you the best.” You lightly smiled.

“Yeah, yeah I remember.” He grabbed your hand and led you in, shutting the doors and locking them immediately after. He looked at you in the dark from where you had put your bags down at the end of the hallway and smiled, you smiled back. Within seconds his lips were on yours again, this time more soft and gentle, not as needy or impatient as the first one.

“I missed you.” He engulfed you in a hug, kissing the top of your head.

“I missed you too.” You smiled and hugged him back.

“I’m so glad you waited.” He pulled away. You gave him a confused look.

“Of course I did Gee,” You caressed his cheek with your thumb, “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you. You’re all I have.” “I love you.” He smiled, giving you another kiss.

“I love you too.” As tough as Gerard seemed on the outside, he was a real softie. At least with you, and family of course. Which is one of the reasons you loved him so much, because he was his truest self while at his most vulnerable point.

And of course, that played into that night’s activities, specifically in bed. The safe house reminded you of a small cabin in the mountains, which it sort of was. No heating and no electricity, the warmth you had was from each other and the fire place which Gee had graciously gotten going within minutes upon your arrival. The entire night with him was magical. He spent his precious time with you, worshipping every inch of you and letting your name melt off his tongue like a prayer. He spilled out praises like a waterfall, not giving you time to let them sink in before moving onto the next one.

And of course this happened for hours and hours, both of you finally giving out at five am, right before the sun began to rise. Your arms were over his chest, and his hand drawing mindless shapes on your back. Your head was comfortably tucked in the crook of his neck, his head on top of yours. “Go to sleep, darling.” He murmured, his fingers playing with a few strands of your hair. “I’m right here.” You hummed in response, moving slightly closer to him to absorb his warmth.

“Gee?” You said lightly, closing your eyes.

“Hm?” He responded.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, sugar.”

[kikis-writing-world]

Hey, congrats on the milestone! 🥳🎉🎊 If it's not too late, can I participate in the shipping game? I am a designer and a I am always drawing, sketching and creating. I'm really shy (untill you get to know me at least), I'm always making jokes and I appreciate people with a good sense of humour. Oh, and I am a sucker for redemption arcs and characters that seem to be cold but are soft, as I am a big softie myself. Thank you so much! - 🍑

Thank you! You’re not too late at all. A good sense of humor and a redemption arc? Oh baby, well I hope you also like vampires because I’m shipping you with Max Phillips. Acts cold but is soft? That’s Max. Big bad vampy boy who runs the company but honestly melts if you cuddle with him because you’re so nice and warm. This man is a leech, but not for blood, for warmth and he will go to any cuddling lengths to get it. He’s got a good sense of humor, you might just have to train him to bring it to a bit of a less “it’s funny because I ate them” place.

Redemption ahoy!

Max Phillips isn’t really a vampire in the traditional sense. When he goes to Romania for school he pisses off the wrong people and a curse is put on him. He’s stuck living as a vampire until he can reverse the curse. Of course, he’s a douchebag and fuck that, he’s just gonna be himself and live forever - party on, dudes. Besides, they didn’t tell him how to reverse it even if he wanted to, so might as well make the most of it.

He carries on in his doucheyness, very much being the Max we see in the movie for quite a while. Compelling people to do his will, taking over companies, making himself out to be awesome - but the whole time he’s got this angsty loneliness in him. All his friends his age are starting to calm down from their rambunctious ways of their youth, getting paired off, having kids etc. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, so he doesn’t want to slow down.

Then he meets you. I like the idea of you working reception in the building, but not directly for his company. You work the desk downstairs, helping to guide people to the offices they’re looking for and stuff like that. You see him everyday and greet him politely. He always greets you back but it’s nothing special. One day he says something on the phone while he’s passing you and it makes you laugh. He stops, looking over at you and you apologize for listening in. He says not to worry about it. That’s how the friendship starts. Soon he’s making a point to chat with you for a few minutes when he passes. He brings you coffee or tea every few days. 

You don’t really know how important you’ve gotten to him until you miss a day of work and he shows up at your apartment. You’re feeling a little ill, nothing major, but you’re mostly confused. How did he find your place? Why is he here? When he realizes you’re sick, he asks you to invite him in so he can take care of you. You refuse, but he claims vampires can’t get sick and eventually you let him in. He orders in some soup for you, and when he touches your forehead you sigh because he’s chilly and it feels nice. The two of you end up cuddling - he’ll never admit he liked it just as much as you do, he totally only did it for you don’t @ him.

You two get closer. You’re a little surprised but not unhappy about it, meanwhile Max is tearing himself apart. He knows you’re way too good for him, and he can’t give you some happy ever after anyways. He’s really torn between pulling himself away for your sake and enjoying what he can have in the meanwhile. After that time of taking care of you, you two often have silly movie nights where you end up cuddling together and eating junk food.

Max is driving himself crazy so he finds a way to get in touch with those that cursed him. He demands they tell him how to break the curse. They laugh and laugh, which only pisses him off worse. He threatens to kill them all, being very macho about it and baring his fangs. They’re not scared. Finally, they tell him he needs to kill someone who loves him. He immediately thinks of you. He doesn’t know if you love him, but you’re the closest thing he can imagine. Now he’s even more torn apart. He can’t have you if he’s a vampire, but to kill you to be human wouldn’t give him what he wants either.

He starts avoiding you and you’re hurt obviously. You want to know what happened or what you did. Eventually one night when you know he’s working late - which is just another excuse to avoid you - you corner him and demand to know what happened. He tried to be dismissive, telling you to go away but you refuse because you love him and you want to know what’s wrong. He loses his shit when you admit that, and he tells you not to love him. How he’s a monster now and forever, and that is never going to change and you’re better off without him. You try to tell him that you don’t think he’s a monster, despite being a vampire. Eventually he vamps out (the first time you see it in person) and threatens you, trying to get you to leave. You won’t go, you tell him to do it. To bite you. He grabs you and holds you like he’s going to, but of course he can’t. He drops you, falling to the ground himself.

He’s crying now, and you can barely understand him but he’s saying he can’t do it, that he’s sorry for everything he’s done, that he truly understands how cruel the curse is. A gust of wind swirls through the office from god-knows-where, the two of you looking around to figure out what’s happening. Max’s face turns back to normal, but more than that... he looks tired. His skin isn’t as clear as it once was, his cheeks rosy and his eyes bloodshot. Bags appear under his eyes that he never got as a vampire. He feels... warm. He grabs something and pricks his finger, and he bleeds actual warm blood. To break the curse he didn’t have to kill you, he had to spare you despite being told that he had everything to gain from it. It was the final test to prove that he’d learned his lesson.

(This got really long, but also it’s officially the last ship request, so let’s go out with a bang!)

SHIP REQUESTS ARE CURRENTLY CLOSED - thanks everyone!

[ashlynxlives]

Safety  in Numbers Part 1

A boy who thought he had ran out of second chances, is given another chance. 

Ash lynx doesn’t die here. He is saved but he hasn’t realised it yet.

Authors note: Dino is still alive, but Banana fish the drug has been destroyed

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of past abuse

The last thing Ash remembered was going to the library. He had read Elji's letter about two times over, when the feeling of pain had vanished and was replaced by a disconcertingly calming numbness. At least he couldn’t cause any trouble when he was dead. A small smile came across his face.

"Looks like someone is waking up," A gentle voice came from seemingly nowhere. The motherly voice almost comforted him, until he remembered he was supposed to be dead. And unless he was in heaven, which he highly doubted, there shouldn’t be anyone else here.

A wave of panic overcame him as he started opening his eyes slowly. He used one hand to try and search for his stab wound, but his hands seemed to tied back. He tugged against the metal cuffs which pinned both of his arms at each side, drawing blood. So definitely not in heaven.

"Don't panic, you are safe here" The voice spoke again, but all Ash did was scoff quietly in return. Ash had heard that sentence a thousand times, and every time it was a lie. The women at his side looked unthreatening, but that did not mean that she actually was. Looks don’t always give you the best idea of someone. Ash was the best example, if anyone looked at him they just saw a normal teenager, not the leader of a crime syndicate.

"Where am I?" His voice sounded hoarse. He tried again "Where am I? And let me go" It came out in a dangerously low hiss.

"Well, I can't let you go just yet" The woman next to him looked somewhere between 20 and 30. Her curly hair was put in a tight ponytail, and she wore casual clothes, a t-shirt and black joggers. But somehow she managed to look more put together than anyone he had ever seen .  "You are in London, Ash. When Max found you in that library, he made the decision to make you come here. For protection of course" She spoke in what he thought was a British accent, but there was a slight lilt that he didn’t recognise.

She knew Max. She could be lying as well though. She could be someone Dino hired to trick him and manipulate him and get him back in his clutches.

"Hey calm down. If you want, I can call him right now? Would you like that”?

Ash just nodded; his hands had formed tight fists without him realising. He would do anything to talk to someone familiar.

But if he was here where was Elji. Was he safe? What about his gang? Did they know that he was alive and where he was?

"ASH! how are you doing buddy" Max's voice boomed from her phone, "I see you have met Amira already. Don’t worry about her she’s a right old softie" The woman in question just narrowed her eyes a bit and gave a soft smile and shrugged of Max’s comment. Max rambled on about New york,

Would that old man every shut up.

"That's nice and all but can you tell me why I am here."

"Well, it was too dangerous to keep you herein New York, so Ibe and I chose it was best to. You know. Put you somewhere safe”.

Ash wanted to interject. He wanted to shout. He wanted to go home. He had lived his whole life without the need of someone’s protection. He didn’t need it now. There was no point in showing his anger now. It would only make Max worried, and that would not help him.

They spent a few more hours talking. Apparently, all his gang and Elji knew he was alive and safe, but just not where he was for security reason.

And it did not matter at the end of the day. He was going to get back to Elji.

With that being his last thought, Ash dozed off. The pain medication and exhaustion taking over.

His sleep was disturbed by someone knocking on his door and a creak as it opened. He tried to bring up his arms to protect himself, even a little bit. But he was only greeted with the painful bite of metal against his wrists. Stupid handcuffs. He felt so weak it reminded him of the days were Dino would keep him shut up in his room, only letting people come in when they felt like having ‘fun’ with him. 

"Hi there Ash. You're awake, so we can talk finally" The lady from before, her brown curly hair was now tied up in bun. He couldn’t even remember her name. 

"My name is Amira" she can closer and he could see she was holding a plate of food. She moved towards his arms, a soft smile playing on her lips. "You’re not going to attack me if I take these off right? Max told you were the unpredictable type”.

"Well, if do I wouldn't be unpredictable would I?"

"Touché" She removes his handcuffs. He rubs his wrists noticing a silver bracelet around his left hand, almost skin tight. That definitely was not there before.

"We run a home here of sorts. Caring for children with similar pasts like yours. Dangerous pasts, hiding from dangerous people...you get the idea" Ash was too busy inspecting his new piece of jewellery, which did not seem to want to come of.

“What is this?”

“It’s a tracker. Don’t bother trying to take it of. It will blow at least half of you in sperate direction” Amira explained with a smile. But her voice was ice cold.

“Nice to know I’m trusted” He was angry , but he pushed it down and took the plate from her. Do not show her you are angry, keep it under control.

“You're smart. You know we couldn’t let you leave here. ”

“I thought I was here for protection. Not to be a prisoner”

“Oh, you are. But keeping you alive is my job. And you are the type to try and leave. and I can’t promise your safety if you leave” She raises an eyebrow, making direct eye contact with him. 

“I can take care of myself”

“Yes I can see that” She nodded her head to his stab wound and raised an eyebrow.

That’s when Ash decided that he hated this women

"There is only one more kid that we care for. so altogether there are only three people in this house" Low security. "You will go to a local school and will try to have a normal life. There are some house rules, and you will be expected to follow them”.

Yes. He did not like her. He gave her a nod and handed back the empty plate. At least the food was good.

“If that knife makes you feel better about your situation you can keep it. but if you were counting on the element of surprise you might as well give it to me” she turned to face him from the door. His eyes met hers and didn’t leave. “Fine,keep it”

She left the room, and he was faced with a pin drop silence. At least he could think now