#I used both tags just for you TM

[heartburstings]

hey, wait. i have a distressing thought here.

you know how, in you and i, jason has to comfort peter that It's All Just A Game? and directly after that, peter like, just directly says, "i know he wants to be the american dream. i know he wants a trophy bride, kids, a dog, a picket fence. i don't know how i'm supposed to fit into that."

and it's like... i doubt this insecurity came from nowhere. like, yeah, of course peter knows jason this well, of course he does--but also. do you think ivy was even the first girl jason went out with? you know???

[mios-axe]

The owl and her serpent brother

[niuxita21]

Madre Solo Hay Dos - 1.09 // 3.05

AKA Cinematic parallels pt 2

Bonus: Mariana.EXE has stopped working

[royalarchivist]

Ramon had a cute idea for the Huevitos (members of Fit's community) to fill the #ramonbday tag with art and kind messages so he can show them to Fit for his birthday (February 1st), so here's my contribution! I have over 800 Fit-related clips, so it was hard to choose just a few fun moments from stream :'D

Even though the QSMP server won't be open until February 3rd, we still have a few more days to share messages, art, etc. – so if you'd like to post something for Ramon to potentially include in Fit's birthday surprise, make sure to post it by January 31st and use the tag #ramonbday!

[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

–

Fit: I can't believe I'm a homosexual now.

–

FitMC 2023 - 2024 Highlights

–

Vegetta: Leonarda, give me the picture.

Fit: Leonarda, you should give him a picture.

Vegetta: It's for saving your life!

Fit: [Picks up the photo she dropped] Oh, now I have it. [Sees its a photo of Vegetta and Melissa in their stripper outfits] Oh. Oh my.

–

Fit: It's a life experience Tubbo, you know? Aren't you glad you–

Tubbo: "Life experience" deez nuts, you bald bastard.

–

Fit: Ok, I'm looking through the bars– There's like, yeah–

Pac: [Falls off the wall] AAAAA–

–

Fit: [Dumping his wild cats in the Bakery] I'll just– I'll just release them in here. Screw it. What's the worst that could happen?

[The next day]

The big cats are still, uh– [Sees the cats mauling the Baker] Oh my god. They do NOT like the Baker

–

Jaiden: Fit, you're just a guy, right?

Fit: I'm just a dude. I'm just like– I'm just like the generic RPG protagonist. Like, human male, warrior. Like, it's– I'm as vanilla as you can get

-

Fit: Sneeg– shut up, I'm doing gay roleplay right now!

–

Fit: Tubbo, if you want to disable mines, you are disrespecting the entire Hispanic community.

–

Fit: What are you doin' staring at me, Baldy? Yeah, you think you're hot sht?

[The Binary Monster shows up]

Fit: OH, FCK–

–

Fit: The oldest anarchy server in Minecraft.

Fit: The youngest gay roleplay server in Minecraft.

–

Fit: [While playing "Hide and Seek" with Ramon] If he moves, then I know that was the spot.

Ramon: [Stares at him as the Metal Gear Solid "discovered by an enemy" vwing! sound plays]

Fit: [Cackles] WHERE YOU GOIN' BOY? WHERE YOU GOIN' BOY?

–

Fit: To be a turtle in the Arctic, you hate to see it. Yeah, you know this turtle is... not so different from me. It's living in a place that's trying to KILL it.

–

Tubbo: [To Pac] Just lay down. [Starts Casualonas-ing] This is for you.

Fit: [Immediately equips his weapon]

Tubbo: This is for you, king.

Pac: [Laughs] Fit - you see this?

Fit: [Shoots Tubbo, who starts screaming] I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uh-

Tubbo: Ok, ok, well he–

Fit: Misfire, misfire, misfire!

Tubbo: He wasn't- he wasn't- OW OW OW!

Fit: Misfire!

–

Fit: Sometimes- it's not about doing the right thing, Phil – it's about doing the more entertaining thing. Right?

Phil: PFTTTTT–

Fit: They banned my ass. They're like, "Why are you talking to Pac like that?" That's unacceptable on this family-friendly Christian Minecraft server (TM). Like– "We can't be having any of that." "Can't be having any of THAT."

–

Cucurucho: [Slowly turns to stare at Fit while Pac is talking to him]

Fit: [Silently starts cracking up]

Pac: Ok Cucurucho, I'm gonna be waiting for your response

–

[Fit putting up art that Ramon drew]

Foolish: Boo it if it's bad!

Fit: Heyyyyyy! That's actually –

Foolish: Oh! Wait, that's– That's actually pretty good, what the fck.

Fit: Ramon, you weren't supposed to actually try. This is incredible!

[They both laugh]

–

Pac: Yeah, yeah! I was–

Tubbo: Everyone goes through their dick phase.

Fit: Yeah...

Pac: Yeah, everyone does.

Fit: Oh? Oh– is that so, Tubbo? Yeah?

Tubbo: Everyone- everyone–

Fit: When did you go through your dick phase? [Laughs]

Tubbo: I'd argue I'm in my dick phase right now.

Fit: Uh, you know, speakin' of spruce– you know Bruce Lee, right?

Phil: Yeah?

Fit: If Bruce Lee was a plant, he'd be Spruce Tree.

Phil: [Disappointed grumbling]

Fit: [Laughs]

[Fit gets kicked off the server]

Fit: [Laughs even harder]

[spearxwind]

Some of those dragons in your recent drawing don’t have any other posts in their tags, could you introduce a few if it’s not spoilery?

Yeah absolutely!! I'll talk about all of them >:)

Alex and C, you know em, both of em dragon arena gladiators that eventually fight to escape the crushingly oppressive conditions they found themselves in.

These planes are manned by Soleil (left), who flies an SU-30, and Gala + Reina (right) on an AWACS plane based on the saab Globaleye. Gala is a Human and Reina is a little dragon, either of them can pilot or handle the IFF system interchangeably, though usually Gala is the one who pilots.

Octane, you know him too, reventant died-but-not-really guy, a jetwing of considerable speed. He's a rly nice chill guy even if dying-but-not-really has made him exponentially more unhinged. Infamous in illegal racing. Used to be a part of Lexios' squadron. And on the right, his brother Jarek, infamous for other things. He's a bounty hunter who specializes in other dragons. Has little care for who hires him as long as he's getting paid.

Arcturus is one of the fastest dragons out there, and they are the interceptor for Lexios' squad. A whimsical guy, they just like to Go Really Fast but got roped into service along with Octane bc of their abilities.

Voltaire is the support attacker of the squad. He's a gruff older dragon with a lot of flight experience and a nasty EMP attack.

Lexios, my beloved, absolute showstopper whenever she appears. She's a jetwing based on the XB-70 Valkyrie, with a little bit from the B-52 Stratofortress. She's MEAN AS FUCK, completely unhinged, and super powerful to boot. She's the squad leader, and her squad is the preferred attack hammer of the Dragon Choir. Very probably a war criminal (god forbid women do anything).

Kelan here is the dragon prince of the region, but he genuinely doesnt care about it. He would much rather be flying around the cast and having fun with his friends than to sit at the council and think about war. His father's death left the Council pretty headless and Kelan's attitude and demeanor makes him disliked among them but deeply beloved by his people.

Razor is a one-winged dragon from the cliffsides and part of the raider force in the highlands where the story takes place. He lost one of his wings in the past, though he was never able to fly with them anyways. Outside of canon, Razor is one of my oldest dragon ocs and I wanted to breathe new life into him putting him in this world :) Also, he has a really thick australian accent. This fact is very important.

Rivier is a desert dragon that has also found herself in the highlands through Circumstances(tm). She's also part of the raider force, and has a human rider called Jem who she goes on missions with. She and Razor aren't related by blood but they have grown up together and consider each other siblings.

[nebulousbrainsoup]

Hard hours are open ? ? If I may ~ ?

Thinking about boxer San cuz honestly the bouncy mv and the whole scene of San and wooyoung in the underground boxing ring made me dizzy 🫣🫣 really want that man to ruin me for me,, maybe as a lucky charm or a good luck quickie (maybe with a dash of wooyoung on the side 🤭😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫)

Idk your very recent mingi fic/ask is making me feel things lol

oh you absolutely may, my dear. that whole entire scene???? had me thinking Thots(tm) from the moment I saw it and I... mm. yeah for SURE I'm with you on this one.

18+ under the cut ; minors/ageless dni

buy me a ko-fi?

tags/warnings: gn!reader, woo's a lil jealous, lil bit of public sex, voyeurism, sorta poly, woo's a creep (affectionate), pet names (baby, my little charm), mentions of masturbation, unprotected sex (boo)

Because the thing about San—about nearly everyone in that dingy, sweat-filled basement, is that they do their best work when their blood's already pumping. Even when the place is nearly empty, only the fighters and their select entourages milling about, the residual energy is palpable. Wooyoung is not immune to it, as much as he may turn up his pretty nose at your pre-match antics. You think he does it more for his own pride than anything, trying to put himself above the fighters he manages, to maintain some degree of separation. Both you and San can see straight through that façade, and it's quite a laugh for the both of you each time he "accidentally" stumbles upon you. Each time, you're met with exasperation, and each time, once you're both sated, you fall into a fit of giggles over it.

Neither of you are stupid. You can see the way Wooyoung's eyes drag over the taut muscles of San's back and ass as he rails you against the wall under the stairs. San catches lingering stares when he's got you bent over the bathroom sink, his friend's eyes glued to where his cock is disappearing into you. You both have caught him glancing back at you in their dingy van's rearview, and San has his own little secret tucked away, having caught your name falling from Wooyoung's lips late at night. It's kind of fun to see how long he'll keep it up, so you bide your time, waiting until he comes to you. Until then, San has you, anywhere and everywhere he can.

At first, the whole "C'mon, baby, it's like a quick little testosterone boost" bit was just that, an excuse to get you under or over or on him (as if he needed one), but after the first match you couldn't make became San's first loss, you became his good luck charm. They'd shown up at your place before the next match, their blacked out van sticking out like a sore thumb, and both practically begged you never to miss a match again. Who were you to say no to their cute little pouts? Time was tight that night, you having gotten off work with just enough time to make it to the match yourself, so San had yanked you into the back and taken you then and there.

You were distantly aware of Wooyoung's wandering eyes, catching his gaze in the mirror once or twice for fractions of a second before he had to pay attention to the road again. Each time, you found yourself clenching around San's cock, a lazy smile spreading across your lips as his moans grew louder, hips snapping more roughly against your own. Your moans pitched up with the rough-handling, and your eyes snapped back to San's face, finding him smirking down at you.

Within seconds, he had also glanced up to the front of the van, smirk breaking into a grin as he moaned lowly into your ear. "He's eating this up," he muttered, leaning down to suck a mark into your skin. "Might wreck us; he's too busy jerking himself off up there."

Your walls fluttered around him as you felt the coil in your gut tightening, a heady "Sannie!" leaving you.

He hummed, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, this time speaking loud enough for your companion to hear. "I know, baby, I'm almost there, can you just hold out a few more minutes for me? You know how much more it helps when my little charm cums with me."

The soft moan you let out pitched up violently as the van jerked to a stop, the sudden change in momentum driving San deep into you, his cockhead slamming against your sweet spot. You saw stars as you came unraveled, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling of the van. Wooyoung's voice and the shifting of San's hips brought you back down to reality, the latter muttering in his pout, "I was so close, dammit."

"Too bad, we're here. Put your fucking pants back on and take your frustration out in the ring," you heard Wooyoung mumble, the engine dying a second later. "I'm going in to stall. You have five minutes, tops."

San sighed as the driver's side door shut, his head hanging just slightly. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to your forehead before moving to your lips, muffling your whines of overstimulation as he slid his still-hard cock from you.

"Not gonna use your five minutes?" you prodded, sitting up with him to straighten yourself out.

He shook his head. "And leave you with more of a mess to clean up? I've already got my lucky charm taken care of."

"Such a gentleman."

He grinned, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek. "I'd rather save it for a victory lap anyway. Especially if you can get Woo to join us."

You raised an eyebrow, grinning mischievously as you buttoned your pants back up. "I'll see what I can do."

taglists (open): permanent: @justhere4kpop @tastymintchocolate @.soul-jae ateez: @pyeonghongrie-main @thatonenoona special: @jaehunnyy (come get ur mans baby)

© June 2023 nebulousbrainsoup | all rights reserved. do not copy, repost or translate my work

[buckets-of-dirt]

(ID: A screenshot of tags that read "#Prev what are some alternatives to the word primitive that are less derogatory" /end ID.)

@panicdeleter I'm responding to your question on a new post so that the op of the original doesn't get this in their notes because answering in good faith is going to take a lot of explanation.

Short answer: there isn't one.

Long answer: as you say in your tags, "primitive" is a derogatory term with a very loaded meaning. Removing it from your vocabulary is less a matter of finding a more PC alternative, and more a matter of understanding why it's derogatory and changing your perception of what's being discussed. To do that, we're going to have to look at archaeological theory for a minute. Stick with me, I do have suggestions at the end.

Archaeological theory is a complicated subject and there's no way I'm going to try to summarize all of it in a Tumblr post since it's a topic arch programs devote at least a semester (if not longer) to. So we'll focus on the relevant bits.

Essentially, in the bad old days when archaeology was starting to become a discipline instead of a thing rich dudes did on the weekends, there was this idea that certain European societies were the peak of civilization and everywhere else was less evolved and therefore primitive. It was based on the misunderstanding of the theory of evolution that was common at the time. Like so:

(ID: a diagram drawn in pen. It's titled "Ye Olde Arch/Anth Theory TM". The next line says "Primitive = simple, less evolved, bad". Below it there is a vertical arrow pointing down, with the words "one way line" next to it. Under the arrow there is a line of text reading "Advanced = complex, most evolved, good". /end ID.)

These early archaeologists believed that all of humanity lived on a hierarchy with the "advanced" societies they lived in (and their ancestors like Ancient Greece) at the top and all the "primitive" past and current societies (destined to either become like them or die out eventually) at the bottom.

It's been a long road for archaeological theory. The 20th century was fraught with theoretical movements and debates that sometimes literally devolved into fistfights. But eventually we all ended up more or less here:

(ID: A hand drawn diagram in a similar format to the one above. It's titled "Arch Theory Today (Short Version). Below the title there is a single line of text centred around a horizontal line with arrows at both ends. The left side of the arrow reads "simple" while the right side reads "complex". The line itself is labeled "continuum or spectrum". /end ID.)

While you'll still find some archaeologists who disagree, the main consensus appears to at least be on the same page that instead of the old primitive vs advanced hierarchy, societies exist on a spectrum that ranges in complexity. In the most basic terms, because I'm glossing over A LOT of nuance here, hunter gatherer societies tend towards the simple end of the spectrum while big state societies are on the more complex end. This is not meant as a value judgement of these societies, but merely an attempt to classify them so other people have a frame of reference for what you're talking about. Even so, there's considerable debate about the language used for certain terms and societies, and I am not necessarily qualified to go into that in this post.

I say all that to help you understand why I can't give you a catch-all term to replace "primitive", because if one did exist it would be just as derogatory. In certain contexts there may be more appropriate words that you can use, such as simple (as in the case of the meme that inspired this post) or old. But a lot of the time an alternative just doesn't exist because we are not better or 'more evolved' than our ancestors any more than people living in big state societies are any better than people still living as hunter gatherers.

I know this has been a very long post, but I really am just scratching the surface here. For more information I suggest looking at podcasts like The Dirt or A Life In Ruins, youtube channels like The Welsh Viking or Archaeology Tube, or the blogs of any of my fellow dirt lovers here on Tumblr like @chaotic-archaeologist, @micewithknives, @art-thropologist, @archaeologistproblems, and @rhysintherain to name just a few. Archaeologists are generally a bunch of nerds who will take any opportunity they can to talk about the human past, and we rarely bite.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Josephine Baker (The Siren of the Tropics, ZouZou)— Josephine Baker was an American born actress, singer, and utter icon of the period, creating the 1920s banana skirt look. She was the first black woman to star in a major motion film. She fought in the French resistance in WWII, given a Legion of Honour, as well as refusing to perform in segregated theatres in the US. She was bisexual, a fighter, and overall an absolutely incredible woman as well as being extremely attractive.

Anne Baxter (The Ten Commandments, All About Eve)—her soft, gentle voice in "all about eve", those gentle eyes with something odd behind them, the way she flips from Sweet Innocent to Viper on a dime......there was something Built Different about anne baxter, man, and it makes her so good for playing people who are Built Wrong. also one of my favorite batmen villains (her joint episode w vincent price is a delight) and of course I'm obsessed with her columbo episode where she bosses around edith head and does fabulous movie star things for no good reason. and i would be REMISS if i didn't mention her slink—oh the slink—in the ten commandments...................pardon me i must go think of sinning again

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Josephine Baker:

Black, American-born, French dancer and singer. Phenomenal sensation, took music-halls by storm. Famous in the silent film era.

Let's talk La Revue Negre, Shuffle Along. The iconique banana outfit? But also getting a Croix de Guerre and full military honors at burial in Paris due to working with the Resistance.

She exuded sex, was a beautiful dancer, vivacious, and her silliness and humor added to her attractiveness. She looked just as good in drag too.

So I know she was more famous for other stuff than movies and her movies weren’t Hollywood but my first exposure to her was in her films so I’ve always thought of her as a film actress first and foremost. Also she was the first black woman to star in a major motion picture so I think that warrants an entry

Iconic! Just look up anything about her life. She was a fascinating woman.

Anne Baxter:

The prettiest murderer in that film. Just so beautifully evil as Nefertari.

Anne Baxter was part of my Bisexual Awakening. My family has a tradition that every Palm Sunday we watch The ten commandments on TV together... And starting from a very young age, I essentially developed a crushes on Anne Baxter's Nefertiri & Yul Brynner's Ramses. Dude, the woman was HOT! They both were! My crush definitely wasn't helped by the fact that Anne Baxter's costumes were a bit on the sheer side. She had a way of capturing you with her eyes, and I never understood why Charlton heston's Moses didn't just have a threesome with Nefertiri and Ramses. LOL

Her Nefertiri in The Ten Commandments was FORMATIVE TO ME. If not the hottest old movie lady, then she definitely played the hottest old movie character. if that makes sense.

Look. Listen. I only *just* discovered her on a post from the Have You Seen This Romcom poll blog. Saw she had the same last name as me and went OOH hi hello. Went to her IMdB and saw she was born in Indiana like moi. I am now even more intrigued. Been eagerly telling my partner this, and he was like "maybe you guys are distantly related?" And after 2 hrs of going down the tumblr tag + her imdb photos, I'm In Deep(tm) and I can't stop looking at her like 😍 When I go to my grandma's house, bet your ass I'm gonna check my grandpa's genealogy and see if we're somehow related. Sorry that's not really propaganda I just got real excited, esp when I saw that the submission deadline was extended (bless your soul). Narrowing down the movies where she's hottest in was Hell tyvm. I've only just discovered her, she looks gorgeous to me in every movie still I see of her gdi lol.

[yellowbunnydreams]

Bunny Ears (Part 9) ~William Afton X F! Reader~

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Tag List: @ruh--roh-raggy @h4nluv @sleepy---head @do-double-g @confiscated-peaches-main @dij-ology @viviennemuerte @robin-the-enby @shari-berri @randymeeksisafinalgirl @hallow1090 @aponia-yue @likoplays @dilflover-3 @oak-leafs

Cw: CW: Minors DNI, (18+ ONLY), Female Reader, legal age gap (Reader- 20's, William - 30's), divorce/processing divorce, Afton being a sarcastic hot ass, Henry being such a dad, grumpy x sunshine . Faz-Fuck TM. Threats of Violence

The alarm that morning had seemed all too bitter-sweet, groaning as you rolled over and turned it off, rubbing at your face and blearily staring at the alarm-clock with distain. Last night had been wonderful, aside from dealing with the ex-Mrs-Afton, but you only blearily remembered giving William a goodnight kiss as he dropped you off home. You'd managed to find a vase for the beautiful sunflowers that he'd brought you, and you glanced to one side, spotting their sunny yellow petals as they sat by your bedside.

Waking up felt like it took ages, and before you knew it, you were cycling into work for another day filled with family fun at Freddy's. Vaguely aware that you wouldn't see William until later in the day because he still had to drop Vanessa off at school. His hoodie was neatly folded into your bag at your side, bumping your hip as you moved, either wanting to give it back to him or hope that you could keep it for a few days more. It smelt like his cologne and that faint engine oil smell that always seemed to be around him when he'd been at work in parts and services all day, and you just wanted to wrap yourself up in it and go to sleep.

Heading inside, you found yourself humming as you worked to open. Hanging your bag in your little cubicle locker and making sure that you tried to keep your mind off of William Afton. Though you found yourself smiling randomly into air and your stomach filling with butterflies as you thought of him, and how you were looking forwards to seeing him again today.

The front door opened whilst you were behind the prize counter and you naturally tuned your head to see who it was. Spotting the tall, broad figure of William easily just as he spotted you, both of you glancing around before he came up to you and gave you the ghost of a kiss on your head, smiling broadly as he then maintained a professional distance, making you want to pout and whine that he hadn't given you a real kiss.

"Good morning, bunny." He smiled, speaking softly in case any body might be nearby or suddenly wander in. You smiled back, your heart hammering in your chest so hard you were sure that it would burst your ribs.

"Good morning William." You whisper back, eyes meeting his grey ones as you watch the little lines appear in the corners, how you knew he was really smiling. Hearing a little plastic clink on the counter, you looked down, seeing his hand moving off of a purple and yellow bracelet with a little bunny charm attached to it. Your stomach dropped for a moment before you realised you saw the one still on his wrist, making your brows furrow in confusion.

"Vanessa decided to tell me something interesting this morning, she told me that you like me and you hope you're my girlfriend." His eyes sparkled with mirth as he raised an eyebrow, making you blush and look down guiltily as your feet scuffed on the carpeted floor.

"Well, she asked and I-I didn't know if you wanted to tell her yourself. Or...Whether you classified us as that yet." Speaking shyly, his fingers brushed yours and forced you to look up, watching his expression soften as his smile widened even more

"Well, she approves of us. Told me 'Dad you have to give your girlfriend gifts!', she was acting all dramatic that you'd given me a bracelet so I was under intense supervision this morning to make you a matching one." He explained, and you couldn't help but giggle at the image of the tiny blonde standing over William on a bedroom floor, crafts everywhere as his kid tried to explain how he should treat his girlfriend.

Carefully picking it up, you slipped it onto the opposite wrist as his, fingers stroking over the beads and the charm as you grinned at him. Checking around quickly before you leaned in and quickly kissed his lips, leaving him humming approvingly as he looked at you, smiling as he tapped your wrist lightly with one rough finger.

"You look very cute wearing that, and now we match."

"Well thank you, I'll treasure it with all my heart."

"Same here sweetheart, same here." Winking at you before he headed back into the offices and left you to the rest of your opening duties. Increasingly glad that nobody was there to see the heat practically coming off of your cheeks, or the colour they had turned whilst talking to Afton.

~~

You heard your name being called excitedly, turning and seeing Henry Emily waving at you from slightly down the hall as he exited his office. Waving back politely, you waited for him to catch up to you, the man smiling gratefully.

"Hey, sorry to keep you since I know it's the end of the day and all that, but I just wanted to catch up with you. How're you doing?"

"I'm good Mr. Emily, and no need to apologise, you're giving me a break before I have to bike home." You laughed, Henry laughing with you as he rubbed the back of his neck, his smile turning sheepish as his brow furrowed.

"Well, I'm shocked at the price of cars these days, so I don't blame you for not having one. Guess I forgot what it's like to work for just above minimum wage." Chuckling nervously, he looked at you and his expression softened, his smile coming back properly as he crossed his arms in a way that reminded you of a dad watching their kid's sport event from the side-lines. "Sooo... I've noticed you've been smiling a lot more today. Did you go on a date or something last night?"

Your heart pounded in your chest as he asked, wondering if he knew about you and William before throwing the thought to one side. Both of you had been so careful with keeping it secret, you weren't sure how he could have known, but you felt bad lying to somebody who'd been so kind to you.

"Y-Yeah, actually. We went to the movies together." You laughed nervously, looking down as you heard Henry's hands clap together excitedly, startling you slightly as you wondered what had him so happy about hearing it.

"Oh that's so cute? Was it a first date? Did you share popcorn? Sorry, I'm just excited, you're a lovely young lady and after everything you've done to help us out, you're kinda like a daughter to me." He explained, making you melt slightly at the thought of him trying to treat his employees like his children, excited about their achievements and their lives as they progressed.

"Um.. yeah, it was a first date for us, and we did share popcorn. It's really nice you're so excited Mr. Emily, I'm sure my dad would have turned around and threatened immediate violence if he had found out I'd been on a date without knowing who I was going with." You chuckled, Henry's expression surprised before he hummed and nodded slowly.

"I can see that, I'd probably be the same for my daughter actually. maybe get William to stand there and threaten the violence for me, I'm not much of a fighter." He held his hands up as in guilt, making you laugh at the action, imagining William standing behind Henry like a mafia boss in some cheesy film as Henry 'interviewed' people coming to take his daughter on dates. His hand quickly snatched up yours and you blinked slightly as he clasped it between his hands in a fatherly way, his hands wrapped around your singular one. "Oh I'm so happy for you! You know I always have been a bit of a romantic, I love seeing people so happy! And especially when it's young lo-"

He paused as he felt something gently bump against his wrist, pulling back and looking at your hand curiously. Henry's eyes widened as he noticed a yellow and purple bunny bracelet almost exactly like William's on your wrist, his grip tightening for a moment as his expression fell. Brow furrowing and looking at your wrist intently, it took a moment for you to register what he was looking at. Your own eyes widening as you carefully prized your hand out of his grip, anxiously covering it with your other hand.

"Oh really? I-I'd love to hear how your family is getting on Mr. Emily, you don't want to hear anymore about my-" unable to finish as he began to quickly walk down the corridor, making you follow after him as you realised he wasn't heading for the doors, but rather the back path through towards parts and services. "Sir? Mr. Emily?" you called after him, struggling to keep up with the taller man power walking.

'How does he walk so damn fast? He's in a suit for god's sake!' You thought to yourself, slightly breathless as he continued to walk at speed, almost picking it up the closer he got to parts and services.

"Mr. Emily? Henry!" You called after him, slightly uselessly as he appeared to be a man on a mission.

You heard the door slamming open before you turned the corner, then an angry raised voice. Bursting into the small room shortly after Henry, you watched him grabbing William by the collar of his shirt that he seemed to have only just put back on after finishing work for the day. Henry's knuckles white as he had dragged William up from the seat he'd been in, William's hands on Henry's wrists and eyes wide in shock as he struggled with the position Henry held him in.

"WHY WILLIAM? How could you fucking do this? Why? ANSWER ME!" Henry yelled, getting in William's face as William's eyes flickered over to you, his face filling with realisation and a little sadness as he kept ahold of his long-time friend.

"Henry I...I can't help it, you know? I just fell for her, and I'm sorry. I'll resign from the company, leave it all to you, but I'm not going to-"

"Why would you leave the company you stupid bastard? I'm angry because why the fuck didn't you tell me? I've been your friend for twenty years and more, and you couldn't even tell me you'd started going on dates?" Henry's eyes watered, making you pause and you could see the confusion on William's face too as you watched the other fully grown man in the room struggle not to break into tears.

"What?"

"I'm your best friend William! Why didn't you feel you could tell me you were dating somebody? I don't give a shit that it's an employee, this is the happiest I have seen you in years!" Henry said, voice still loud and emotional as he helped pull William up and clasped his arms. William's expression moved from confused to suddenly realising what was going on as he sighed, looking over to your still panic stricken face and giving a reassuring smile and a slight eye-roll.

"I'm sorry Henry, I thought you'd be mad at me or at her, and I couldn't... not after all the heartache before." He said softly, gravelly voice soft and reassuring as Henry nearly cried. Bringing his friend in and hugging him, William giving him an equally affectionate hug and sighing. "What am I going to do with you man? You're crying because I went on a date and have a girlfriend now?" He teased him, making Henry step back and punch him in the chest lightly, the other man laughing slightly.

"It's too cute, you have matching bracelets and everything. At least I didn't miss you guys having your first kiss together, you know I'm a sap for that kind of thing." He laughed, wiping at his face and looking between the pair of you as you and William exchanged a slightly guilty look. Making Henry freeze up again, looking between the pair of you incredulously. "YOU'VE HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?!"

"Uh, yeah like...a week ago?" You offered, realising it was entirely the wrong thing to say as Henry came storming over to you, gripping you by the shoulders, shaking you slightly as he spoke.

"Tell me everything! I can't believe you guys held out on me!! Have you been dating his entire time?"

"Henry we've even been having lunch together that entire time."

"Shared lunches?!"

"They were home-made too."

"I swear to GOD William, I'm going to fucking kill you for holding this back from me! Me, your best friend!! I found out from a damn matching bracelet!" Henry let you go and went back over to William, getting animated as he demanded details of what hadn't been shared with him. William giving him a deadpan look as he rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair, his gold framed aviators being adjusted in the process, arms crossing over as he took on Henry's barrage of questions.

You smiled at the scene, feeling like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders as you looked at the long-time friends not-quite argue. Your fingers playing with the bracelet on your wrist as you felt like you had made the right choice in following your heart in deciding to date William Afton.

[formulaa-1]

social media au with Daniel? the reader is more famous so they joke about him being her arm candy or even she being her sugar mommy, or silly things like that

Instagram au 💳

okay so someone asked for a Zoe kravitz face claim insta au so I thought this would be perfect to merge them together!

face claim: zoe kravitz

actress!reader x daniel ricciardo

y/nusername

y/nusername: stop playing with your food.

tagged: danielricciardo

Liked by zen data and 1,567,289 others

view all 99,789 comments

danielricciardo: how about no ?

ricrodeofann2; SLAY Y/N

username278: hottest couple to exist

y/nismyidolll: Daniel being her trophy boyfriend is just *chefs kiss*

landonorris: guys didn’t you know that y/n is actually Daniels sugar mummy ?😱

y/nusername: he’s just arm candy 😉

danielricciardo: I feel used 😔💔

landonorris: I would never do this to you Daniel 😘😘

y/nusername: oi.

user373: LANDOS COMMENTING IS SO FUNNY TO ME - 😅😅😅

fan4379: okay but Daniels body is just 😚🤌🏾

f1waggupdatess

f1waggupdatess: Daniel and y/n spotted on a walk around Monaco 🇲🇨 🫶🏻

tagged : y/nusername and danielricciardo

Liked by pierregasly and 47,090 others

view all 10,229 comments

dr4bigfan: LIKED BY PIERRE GASLY

y/nisbaee: her dress is so pretty omg😍

user1: Pierre’s like is so random wtf ?😭😭

user2: Oml they’re both so🥵

obsessedwy/n_l/n: right ??😩😩

danielricciardo

danielricciardo: trophy boyfriend TM’🏆

tagged: y/nusername

Liked by y/nusername, landonorris and 563,100 comments

view all 34,000 comments

y/nusername; best in the field ;)

danielricciardo: my ego just went 📈📈

landonorris: I’ve been cheated on 💔💔💔

danielricciardo: my deepest apologies 😔

y/nusername: cry abt it 🫶🏻🫶🏻

landonorris: 😲😲😲

user4: okay but the picture of y/n is just *chefs kiss*

McLaren: our favourite wag and trophy boy 🏆

username_704: McLarens admin commenting>>>

y/nusername’s story

danielricciardo’s story

[millersdjarin]

Religion's In Your Lips

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Rating: E (SMUT, 18+ ONLY)

Word Count: 5.4k

Tags: smut, joel's Skills(TM), oral (f receiving), rough sex, unprotected piv, a bit of mandhandling from joel, dirty talk, begging, praise kink, all that good stuff

Full Masterlist

Request: "Joel hearing how unsatisfied you’ve been left in the past and he wants to show you what it means to really get off..." (rest of request here)

notes: thank youuuu for this request, it immediately inspired me. fun fact: i was out for dinner when i read this ask and i was like, my thoughts are not appropriate for my current environment. hope u like it! (as with all my joel fics, i write for pixel joel rather than live action, but you can picture him however you wanna❤️)

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you say. “Jesus, Joel, you have no idea how badly I want to.” 

With a smirk, Joel slides his hands to your hips. “You could tell me how badly you want to,” he teases. “I’m all ears.”

You smirk too, roll your eyes and wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s just. It’s never been, like, amazing for me. With other men. And I really don’t want it to fuck this—us—up if it’s not…if I don’t…” 

His eyebrow twitches up. “Is it because you’re not interested in it, or because those other men were terrible at sex?” 

“Definitely the latter,” you answer with a surprised laugh, settling a hand in his hair. “And I’m not saying you’ll be bad, for the record. I just. I’ve never been all that satisfied before.” 

“Well,” he wraps his arms all the way around your waist, tugs you in closer, “if you’ll let me, darlin’, I’d like to show you what it can be like.” He leans in and kisses you, then keeps his mouth up against yours when he says, “What it means to really get off. God knows you deserve it.” 

A shiver runs down your spine. 

As if you could ever say no to that. 

-

He’s propped up on an elbow beside you, and you’re lying flat on the bed, looking up at him. He rubs circles over your stomach, the fabric of your shirt bunching up a little. You feel open beneath him, vulnerable. 

“You know how you like it?” He asks lowly. “You like it rough, slow…?”

You swallow, just a little nervous. It’s new to be talking about this so openly. It’s always just been something that gets done, that your partners have just assumed what you like and done that without much thought. “Kinda rough,” you say, putting a hand on his chest. Your fingers find the little bit of chest hair that pokes up from the top of his button-down. “But not, like, too rough. Not until I’m used to it.” 

He nods. His hand slides up from your stomach, around to your ribs and the curve of your breast. “I’m gonna start slow,” he tells you softly, “get you real worked up for me. You tell me if something’s too much or not enough, alright?” 

Already feeling arousal pulse between your legs at both his touch and his voice, you nod. “Alright.” 

“Good girl,” he leans down, kisses you. 

When he pulls away, you can’t help but admit it, “I like that.” 

He looks at you with a soft smirk. His thumb lifts and strokes over your cheekbone. “You like bein’ told you’re good?” 

“Yeah. A lot.” 

“Alright, darlin’. Good to know,” he says before leaning back in for another kiss. It’s slow, his mouth opening deliciously against yours, catching your top lip between both of his over and over and over. His hand stays on your cheek for a minute, but slowly slides down your arm, takes a gentle hold of your hand. You feel yourself starting to keen up into him, just wanting more of his mouth, his breath, his warmth. Your hand comes up to hold the back of his neck, fingers pushing into his hair.

Gently, his palm on your hip tugs at you. Unsure what he means, where he’s trying to put you, you pull away from his kiss but keep him close, and raise a questioning eyebrow. 

“Roll towards me,” he says gently, his tongue darting out to wet his lip. 

You do as he says, and his hand slides down the edge of your thigh, carefully coaxing it up towards him when he grabs the underside of your knee. You keep your eyes on him as he lifts your leg, settling your thigh against his, your knee over his hip. He watches your face as he shuffles closer and puts his thigh right against your centre, and he seems pleased by the slight whimper that escapes you at the sensation. He smiles, leans in to kiss you again.

Your hand finds its way back into his hair, nails running lightly over his scalp. He pushes in closer, fitting his body right against yours, your hips flush together and his leg pressing even harder into your cunt—

As his hand runs around to your back, his fingers splayed to touch as much of you as possible, his lips start to trail down your jaw and your neck, open mouthed and wet and delicious. 

You tip your head back, allowing him better access. Your hand moves from his hair to the back of his neck, down over his shirt, grasping a fistful of it over his waist. He chooses a spot on the side of your neck and stays there; you feel him suck, hard, drawing a gasp from your throat as you cling more desperately to him. His tongue darts out, soothing the mark he’s made. 

“Joel,” you gasp, because it feels so good, and his hand is running down your back, down to your ass, taking a handful of it. He squeezes. On instinct your body bucks up into him, and you feel him smile against your shoulder, his beard scratching your skin. 

Then he’s moving you again, back onto your back, keeping his hand hooked under the bend of your knee. With both hands now free, you grasp each side of his face, pushing your fingers through his beard as he comes up to kiss you again. His mouth is just so warm and perfect, he’s breathing into your lungs, sweet and familiar and you just want more. 

But then he’s moving away, lips trailing all the way down your clothed torso, tongue darting out to taste your skin through the gaps in your button-down. You keep your hands on the back of his head for as long as you can, but when he gets low enough, starts to nose at your hips…

“Joel,” you say, stopping him. 

He looks up without moving his head and meets your eyes, his chin pressed into the dip of your pelvis. 

“Are you going to…?” 

With his chin, he gently pulls down the waistband of your leggings, presses a soft kiss there. “If you want me to,” his voice is a vibration on your skin, and it goes straight to your pussy, “but if not, I won’t.” 

Fuck. “I’ve—I want you to, I just…I’ve never…” 

He looks up at you again, this time with a frown so sincere that it actually hurts. “No one’s ever tasted you before?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“No, they have, it’s just…” 

“It wasn’t good?” 

“It was alright,” you say with a shrug, one of your arms straining down to hold his hair. 

He kisses your stomach again, this time pushing up the hem of your shirt with his nose. “I can make it good for you,” he promises. The feeling of his breath on your navel, his beard against your skin, so close to your pussy and not close enough—“May I? If it’s not good, we can stop.” 

You nod. Despite other people’s failings in the past, there’s no way you’d say no to him. 

Like a seal of approval, or even a sign of gratitude, he kisses the spot just below your belly button and then brings his hand up, starts tugging at your leggings. You lift your hips, helping him pull the fabric off and over your ankles. He throws them on the floor, not taking his eyes off your panties. You can feel that you’ve already soaked through them, and you’re not sure if you should be embarrassed by that or not. 

He looks pleased by it, though. 

In fact, as he settles on the bed between your thighs, gently pushing apart your knees with his elbows, he looks pleased. “Look at you,” he says, almost to himself. His tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip. A shot of need pulses through you from your head to your centre, your clit already throbbing, aching for some pressure. He glances up at your face, gives you a smile. “You tell me if it’s not right, darlin’, and I’ll make it amazing for you. We’ve got all night, and I only want you to feel good. Just relax, okay?”

You can’t reach his hair anymore without craning your neck, so instead you reach out, silently asking him to take your hand. He does; threads your fingers together, then settles them beside your hip, his thumb smoothing over yours. 

And then, warmth. The press of his face against your panties, right over your cunt, his nose nuzzling into the hood of your clit. It’s barely anything, it’s not enough, it’s not even skin-to-skin, and yet it feels beautiful, just the warmth of him down there, so close, the promise of what’s to come—

He presses kisses over you, all the way from one side of your hips to the other, across the top of your panties, down to where the wetness is gathering. He takes his spare hand and hooks his thumb over the fabric, then starts to tug, gently pulling them down your legs. It takes a bit of work with his hand still in yours, to manoeuvre the very wet panties across your ankles and off onto the floor, but he doesn’t let you go for even a second, knowing that you need to hold him.

“Christ,” he mutters under his breath, his eyes now on your naked pussy. You can feel your wetness cooling in the air, and you already miss the warm feeling of him pressed up against you. “Look at you. So wet, darlin’. All this for me?” He looks up at you, earnest.

You nod, staring up at the ceiling. “All for you, Joel,” you whisper. You’re feeling a little self-conscious, not used to being bare before him—before anyone, really—but the hand not in yours lands gently on your knee, squeezing reassuringly. 

“Hey,” he says softly, calling your eyes back to him. “You ready?” 

You lick your lips. “Yes,” you breathe. “Please.” 

He smiles. Gives your hand and knee one last squeeze, then he’s back between your legs again, and you feel his hot breath just a split second before his nose presses to the hood, pushes it up, revealing your clit—

He wastes no time. The flat of his tongue laves right over your clit, firm, sending a shocking pulse of pleasure up through your very insides. He does it again, gives a few long, languid swipes, and hums at the sounds you’re making, the gasps that come from your throat, the way your hand tightens in his. Your other hand grasps at the sheets as you feel his tongue moving down to your entrance. He takes his time with it now, lapping up every inch of your wetness, all over your folds, gathering every drop he can. 

Your knuckles are going white as he takes his hand and uses it to hold your folds open, granting him more access, letting him lick and eat you up in more detail, like he just wants to get every single part of you that he can in his mouth. You glance down at him and see his eyes closed, bliss all over the half of his face that you can see. 

His beard scratches against you, you hear the wet sounds of his mouth working into your wetness. It’s downright filthy, the way he moans, the soft frown of concentration—determination—on his forehead. 

His tongue reaches your entrance. You expect him to just lick you there like he did everywhere else, to taste you before moving back to your clit. But suddenly he’s inside you, breaching you with the very tip of the muscle, his lips closed around it like he wants to stay attached there forever. 

“Jesus—Joel!” You cry out as he thrusts inside you, hot and wet and thick and strong, fucking you on his tongue like he would his fingers, his cock—

He pulls away and you almost whine at the loss of him, “That alright?” He asks, his wet cheek pressing into the inside of your thigh.

You nod, scramble with your spare hand to take hold of his head, desperately trying to get him back where he was, “Please don’t stop, that’s—”

“I got you,” he says simply before he’s diving back in and resuming the fucking delicious thrusts, so far up into you like he wants to get as much of his tongue up there as possible, as much as he can without grazing you with his teeth. His hand moves from holding your folds open, and slides up the wetness, catching on his nose before it’s pressing into your clit, rubbing in firm circles with each hard push of his tongue inside you. Then, he curls it, hitting that spot, sending sparks into your vision. 

Your eyes are closed now, and all you can do is focus on how he feels. The sounds of his heavy breathing, and how you can feel those breaths against your core, going inside your hole, heating you from the inside out. Every time he moans is like he’s eating the best meal he’s ever had, like he doesn’t think he’s ever going to love something as much as he loves doing this. He’s so earnest. He brings his hand away from your clit for just a second so he can hook his arm around your thigh, bring it up onto his shoulder. He keeps his arm there and manages to reach for your clit again. It’s heaven. It’s fucking heaven. 

You don’t know when your hand found its way under your shirt and to your breast, but you tweak your nipple in your fingers, imagine that it’s Joel doing it. Not that what he’s doing now isn’t plenty good enough. 

“Mm,” he hums against you, pulling his tongue out for just a second to lick his lips, “Goddamn, baby, you taste so fucking good,” he looks up at you and you meet his eyes, arousal shooting through you at the sight of your wetness soaking his dark beard. 

“Jesus, Joel,” your head falls back against the pillow again. His thumb is still on your clit, working earnestly. It feels good, so good, but your pussy is clenching around nothing now and it needs something else, it needs more, it needs him—“Please keep going,” you beg him.

He obliges, of course. In a second he’s back where he was before, his tongue pushing inside you hard and fast but also languid, pressing against every millimetre of your walls, feeling the ridges and drawing sounds of pleasure from your throat. 

It’s never been like this. Nothing has ever been like this.

It’s building in your core, the heat, a spring about to snap. You’re writhing on the bed beneath his mouth, the only thing keeping you down his arm around your thigh, clamping you to him. Your thighs press against his head, and at first you try to stop yourself, not wanting to make it weird or hurt him, but then he’s moaning, pulling your thigh closer to him, encouraging you. 

So you clamp tight around him and he groans. Distantly you notice the bed rocking beneath you; Joel’s grinding into the mattress with each thrust of his tongue, and that alone is enough to send you closer and closer to the edge—

It comes so quickly, so suddenly, washing over you like a wave—“Joel! I’m gonna—!”

“Come,” he says, so simple like he barely wants to pull away long enough to speak, all muffled in your pussy and your hair and your wetness. 

You do. It hits you, rolls over you, drops you. His tongue is relentless inside you, really proving the fact that it is, in fact, a muscle, and his finger on your clit doesn’t let up, using his thumb to spread your lips as far as he can, creating a pull just tight enough to sting. 

You’re coming down, panting heavily. He starts to slow, gently pulling his tongue from you, lapping up the wetness around your entrance. 

“Holy shit,” you curse in a breath, opening your eyes to stare up at the ceiling. It takes a second for your vision to clear.

His finger goes still on your clit. You can feel the aftershocks pulsing in it, and deep inside you, inviting him back in for more. There’s sweat on your chest, your legs ache from how hard they’d clamped against his head.

Speaking of. You release them, letting yourself relax. 

With the newfound freedom, he lifts his head from your pussy, and you’re too distracted by the fact the entire lower half of his face is covered in your wetness to even look him in the eyes. His hand moves from your clit, sits instead on your hip. “That good?” 

You laugh. “Uh, yeah,” you say, because obviously. Then you let go of his hand and make grabbing motions towards him. “C’mere.” 

Only too happy to oblige, he does. Climbs up your body, presses himself on top of you and dives in to kiss you. You taste yourself on his mouth, his tongue, run your fingers through the wet hairs on his beard. Against his lips you gasp, whimper, feeling the hardness of his cock through his jeans pressing into your thigh. 

You grind up into him, “Joel,” you say, not sure where you’re going with it; just wanting to say his name. 

“Now, I’m only gonna ask one thing of you,” he says, pulling away from the kiss to press your foreheads together. 

“Anything,” you grasp at the back of his neck.

He kisses you again. Just once. Then kisses your jaw, trailing his soaking mouth down your neck, leaving a shiny trail in its wake. He puts his lips to the shell of your ear, and his breath his hot, vibrating into your skin when he says, “I want you to beg for me.” 

Oh, shit. 

A shudder runs through your entire body, the throbbing in your pussy getting faster again, aftershocks turning back into renewed desire. “Joel,” you whimper. 

He runs his hand over your cheek. Looks down into your eyes, so deep and searching in the dim light of the room. “Will you beg for me, darlin’?”

Your mouth opens and closes and you try to speak, but it’s taking too long for your brain to catch up. You hook your still-shaky leg over his, hitch it up to his hips as far as you can get it. Then, finally, “Please,” you whisper. You lean in just close enough that he could kiss you by merely pursing his lips, making sure he can feel the heat of your breath, the desire in your very core. “Please, Joel, I need you.” 

“Hm? What do you need?” 

Your leg pulls him further down onto you. “I need you to fuck me,” you whine. “I need you inside me. Please, I need you.” 

He hums in approval, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to your lips. “How do you want it, sweetheart?”

And, God, his cock is still offensively clothed and pressed against your thigh, just brushing closer to your core, to where you’re still wet, probably messing up the denim of his jeans. “However you want to take me,” you tell him, panting already, “Fuck me as hard as you want.” 

He chuckles, low. “You sure?”

“I can take it, Joel,” you plead. “Please.” 

“Alright, baby,” he kisses the apple of your cheek, “I got you. You sound so goddam pretty when you beg. You gonna make some more of those sounds for me, while I fuck you?” 

Holding the back of his neck, anchoring him to you, you nod. “Whatever you want.” 

“This is meant to be about what you want,” he reminds you with a smirk as he reaches down to unfasten his belt. It sounds loud beneath the sound of your heavy breaths mingling with his. He throws it on the floor, makes quick work of removing his pants. 

Without permission your hands find their way to his shirt, tugging on the buttons, pressing into the little patch of chest hair that pokes up from the top. “Please?” You ask, meeting his eyes. 

He smiles. “Go on, then.” 

You get to work undoing each button. Your fingers are shaking, a mixture of the earth-shattering orgasm he just gave you and the anticipation of him inside you, but you manage it. Before even shrugging the shirt from his shoulders you push your fingers into his chest hair, running them over his pecs. He’s hard, his chest and shoulders strong, muscular, scarred—

You lean up and kiss the first scar you can get to, one just a few inches above his nipple. Your hands find their way down to his stomach where he’s softer, just a little rounder. You want to kiss him there, too, hold him so tight that he never forgets how fucking perfect he is. 

He chuckles again, fond, and finishes the job himself; shrugs out of the shirt, tossing it to the floor. When he looks back down at you his eyes are sparkling. Your hands roam over his torso, getting to know him like a map. 

“You alright there, darlin’? Just giving me a good feel, huh?” 

“As much as I can get.” 

He laughs. It’s so fucking beautiful to hear. Crows feet appear deeper around his eyes and if you could reach you’d lean up and kiss them, run your tongue through each wrinkle. But he’s tipping his head back a little, and all you can get to is his neck, so that’s what you go for. Messily, your mouth explores him, catching his Adam’s apple as it bobs down and up again. 

“Thought you wanted me to fuck you?” He smirks, running a hand over the top of your head. 

“I hadn’t forgotten,” your head falls back to the pillow, and he’s still smiling when you look up and meet his eyes. You smile, too, running a hand over his cheek. 

“So beautiful,” he murmurs. He leans in, leaves a quick kiss on your lips, and then pulls away to take off his boxers. 

Then, he’s naked. 

Holy shit. Hard, rock fucking hard, the tip of his cock already shining with a little bead of moisture. You want to cover it in your own, let him fuck you until he comes, let him do whatever he fucking wants. 

But before he does anything else, he leans over you again, and pulls a little on the hem of your shirt. “Do you mind?” He asks. “I wanna watch your tits while I fuck you.” 

You’re pulling it off before you can form words. 

“Jesus,” he breathes out as you settle back down underneath him. Self-consciousness starts to creep in his as his eyes wander all over you, one of his hands reaching out to give an experimental tug to your nipple. “Gonna make you feel so goddam good,” he promises lowly. “Make you forget it could be anythin’ else. You want that, darlin’?” 

“You already know I do.” 

He reaches down with one hand and takes a hold of himself, his eyelids fluttering closed. “You tell me what feels good,” he says, “I’m gonna take you apart.” 

You fucking believe him. 

After what he’s done already, how could you not? 

With wide eyes, you grind up into him, absolutely aching for him to fill you up, to take you, to fuck you into the mattress until all you can feel is him. For the first time ever, you trust that it’s going to be fucking good. And if it’s not, you know that he won’t rest until it is. 

He lines himself up. Then, not taking his eyes off you, he sinks inside. 

It’s beautiful. The stretch of him, the heat of him, like his tongue but bigger, so much bigger, better—he’s pulsing, throbbing, or is that you?—

“Jesus, darlin’,” he curses as he bottoms out, the curls between his legs pushing against yours. “You feel so fuckin’ good. So wet for me.” 

“Don’t think I’ve ever been wetter,” you tell him, earning a chuckle, pressed right into your neck. 

“That’s what I like to hear.” 

Your leg hitches around his hips again. “Please, Joel,” you whisper into his ear. “Fuck me. Take me.” 

He starts slow, steady, getting you used to it. He kisses your neck, your shoulder, down your chest as far as he can go without it disturbing where you’re joined. “Wanted this for so long,” he says into your clavicle, “wanted to fuck you so bad. You’re so fucking sexy, baby.” 

You moan, your hand finding purchase on the back of his neck. Your other is on the pillow beside you, and Joel sees it, lifts his own hand to thread your fingers together, sliding his palm up and over yours before grasping hold. It’s so tender, so soft, it makes your chest hurt.

“You want it harder, baby?” He asks. 

“God, Joel—yes,” you gasp. 

He hums, amused, and then gets to fucking work. 

Bracing himself on his elbow, hand still in yours, his thrusts get harder. Fucking deep and rough into you, his cock hits your cervix so hard it feels like he’s fucking your actual stomach, like you’d be able to look down and see him through your navel. 

Your head tips back on the pillow, gasps and whimpers of pleasure-pain coming from your throat. He dives in, attaches his mouth to it, like he wants to eat your sounds like he ate your fucking pussy. 

His other hand is down on your clit in a second, rubbing gently, gentler than he’s fucking you. 

“Shit, Joel, that’s good,” you tell him, but then, “harder. On my clit. Please.” 

Without a word he obliges, pressing in hard and downright rough into the already-swollen bundle of nerves, using his thumb to hold the hood out of the way, pull it up so high it creates pressure in itself. “Like that?” He asks into your ear. 

“Fuck, yes…” 

“Atta girl, tellin’ me what you need,” he praises. “So good for me.” Then he pulls back, looks into your eyes. 

It’s all you can do to look up into them. To just take it. You’re bouncing on his cock, your tits shaking with each movement, each rough thrust into you. His balls slap against you, and you hear it, skin against skin, wet and squelching as he pistons in and out of your aching heat. He’s frowning, concentrating, like he’s trying to hold himself back and fuck you as hard as he can all at once. 

Your hands cling to his back, nails scratching so hard they’re probably leaving marks. He doesn’t seem to mind. His eyelids are fluttering, pupils blown so wide you can’t even see colour anymore.

“Oh, shit…” you feel it building again, that heat, coiling tight low in your belly—

But then he stops, and he’s pulling out, and you’re about to complain, to ask what’s wrong, when he takes hold of your hips and flips you to the other side of the bed, leaving you on your stomach. He soothes your surprised yelp with a kiss to the back of your neck, brushing your hair away from it. “’S gonna feel good, baby,” he promises, “gonna get deeper inside you. You want that?” 

“Fuck—yes!” 

“Good girl,” he kisses your shoulder and then pulls back, lifting up your hips so you’re angled down towards the bed, and you shuffle to press your forehead into your arms. With one hand he pulls apart your cheeks, stretching your folds in front of him. “So goddam wet,” he says, almost to himself. “Just throbbin’ for me, aren’t you?” 

“Joel, please…” 

He chuckles. You feel him line himself up at your entrance, not needing to gather any more wetness but doing it anyway. “I got you, baby,” he promises. This time, he doesn’t sink in slowly. He pushes in, right to the hilt, just as deep as he was a second ago—

It pushes you up the bed; you almost lose your balance. But he’s holding your hip and then leaning over you, draping himself over your back, his other hand coming down to press against your clit again, just as hard as you had it before.

“Oh, fuck,” you curse, your eyes screwing shut as pleasure shoots painfully through every inch of you, his cock at this new angle changing everything, making it better. He’s pressed to your back, so close you could probably feel the beat of his heart if he wasn’t pounding so hard into you that it’s all you can think or feel. 

“That good?” He checks in, opening his mouth on the curve of your shoulder. 

You nod. “Uh-huh,” is all you can say, dumbly, and you’re getting spit all over your wrist, dripping down onto the bed. You can’t close your mouth. You’re just moaning, panting, saying his name under your breath like a prayer.

“Shit, baby,” he says. “Want you to come for me. Wanna hear you. Come on, baby, takin’ it so good. So good. Just for me, huh?” 

“For—for you, Joel—” your words are cut off with a strangled cry as you feel the pleasure building again. The press of his fingers on your clit is so hard but not hard enough, your wetness making it too slick, not enough friction.

But he’s fucking you so roughly, so earnestly, that it makes up for it. The hand on your hip comes down to brace on the bed, then he pulls yours out from under your head so he can place his palm over the top of your hand, threading his fingers through the gaps in yours. 

“You’re so perfect,” he whispers into your ear. He’s bracing on your hand, pushing it into the mattress. “So perfect. Come for me, darlin’. Let me hear those pretty sounds.” 

“I—Joel—”

“Yeah, that’s it, take it just how you want it. Can have whatever you want. Just take it, use me, come on…” 

You’re tumbling over the edge, head-first, pleasure coiling and sparking and climbing and peaking—

It drops over you with a long, helpless moan, and his thrusts are starting to stutter, he’s getting close too, feeling the pulsing of your pussy around his cock.

“Joel!” You cry out as it lingers and lingers and lingers, the high lasting longer than it ever has, clenching over his length. “Oh, fuck, Joel…Baby…” 

“Yeah,” he grunts, still thrusting just as hard, but slower, knowing you’re sensitive. “Shit, baby. Gonna come.” 

“Come for me,” you request, then, “come inside me. Please.”

“Can I?” His mouth and breath are hot on the place where your neck meets your shoulder. 

“Please, Joel, I want it—”

That’s all it takes; he’s spilling inside you, whispering your name into your ear like he’s never going to say anything else again, like this is all he’s ever wanted. His finger comes off your clit, instead wrapping his arm under and around you, holding you right to his chest. You lean up into him, feeling him spilling inside you, his release spurting out from your pussy and onto your thighs. 

His kisses on your neck are messy and uncoordinated as he comes down, his thrusts slowing. 

“Sweet Jesus,” he says, so Southern that it makes you chuckle, all breathy and shaky. He’s still got his arm around you. Your back and his chest are sweaty. You don’t care. You couldn’t possibly care less. 

He’s inside you still. “Fuck,” you curse. Your hand wiggles out from under his, instead reaching behind you to take hold of the back of his neck. You tilt your head, pressing your cheek to his sticky, lovely forehead. “Joel, that was…” 

You can feel him smile. “Good?” 

“Better than good.” 

He kisses your ear, takes it in his mouth for a second. “I’m a man of my word,” he says, all low and sultry and teasing. 

You laugh, feel him laugh too, the vibration in his chest. “Oh, yeah. Joel Miller the Saint, fucking me so good.” 

He shakes his head, still chuckling, and a warm flood of affection comes over you at the sound. You open your eyes, turning to look at him as best you can, seeing amusement sparkling in his eyes. 

“It’s never been like that before,” you whisper, looking into his eyes. 

He kisses you. “You deserve for it to always be that good,” he whispers. 

“Mm. That another promise, Saint Joel?”

Another kiss. Longer this time, then his forehead is on yours, and he’s hugging you in even tighter to him. “I promise,” he says. “On my life.” 

You’ll hold him to that. 

notes: hope you enjoyed! all interactions are appreciated, but reblogs help my engagement, and i'd love to hear your thoughts if you can :)

(if you want to be on my taglist for all future fics (not just joel miller), just ask me here)

take care of yourself!

oh also, title from "false god" by taylor swift because i'm apparently incapable of not titling a fic with a taylor lyric. so. i can't help it that she's the first artist that comes to mind when i think "what song can i title this after?". the woman has like 200 songs on her discography. THERE'S ONE FOR EVERYTHING. anyway

taglist

@your-slutty-gf @brilliantopposite187 @iwantjoelmillertoultraviolenceme

[eerna]

Omg the way Eloise is written as a feminist character BOTHERS me. I can’t always put my finger on why, but a thing that sticks out to me the most is how she just says the most blatantly basic (for us 21st century viewers) things and idk it’s supposed to seem revolutionary… but it’s never clever. And it is never deep.

Anyways I saw your tag on the Eloise/Cressida post and I was curious to hear any elaboration of your thoughts on her feminist portrayal? (But no pressure!)

YEEAAAH EXACTLY! I have the same issue, Eloise just says 21st century equality stuff without ever having read a single feminist pamphlet (this is canon, she doesn't start reading them or attending discussions until she's 18). Somehow she developed a perfectly uniform idea of modern womanhood when she was isolated and raised to be a traditional lady. Her opinions should be WAY more half baked and full of holes because this life is the only one she'd ever known. That's not even mentioning the inability to discuss feminism without discussing class, something Eloise has No Idea About.

Then comes the issue of writing. This is a stupid show. No one looks smart on this show. So when Eloise drops a "smart comment", it is cringe and dumb. She is supposed to be eloquent and witty, but most of the time she looks like a mean snob belittling everyone around her.

Another issue is that everyone else around her is a horrible sexist caricature. Yes, she is snobby, but my god every other woman only cares about men and marriage and gossip so I can't even blame her all that much for it. Her friends don't really care about what she has to say and will always leave her to go chase a man. And even SHE starts fitting the description the moment she falls for a guy - she lies to her friend and puts everyone in danger, and 90% of the reason is a man with only 10% being her self actualization. You can't write a proper feminist if everyone in your story has the same goal, which is to find a husband. It doesn't help that we know Eloise is headed for marriage and babies because every time a character expresses they don't want one or both of those things, they are proven wrong by the narrative.

And finally, my last thing making Eloise a bad feminist character, is that she is SO PASSIVE. Sure, it might be the point of the show as Pen calls her out for it, but we still don't know if they are gonna fix it so I am putting it here anyway. She only talks and complains about her lot in life, but never acts against society. I was happy when she started sneaking out and hang out with The Working Class Feminists TM, but that turned out to be a short failed romance subplot instead of a character moment and she gave up on it almost right away, so it doesn't count. And now in s3 she decided to embrace society and its expectations, so I am not sure we will ever get to see that kind of rebellion again - I sure hope so! But idk.

As a "well written Eloise" character, I'd like to suggest Felicity Montague. She is a character from a 18th century romcom, a noble lady, aroace and trying to go to med school when her gender prevents her from getting an education. She doesn't use her screentime for long-winded monologues about the unfairness of the world, she ACTS on her thoughts and opinions so we know what they are. She switches covers of romance books and textbooks so she can study without being bothered, she runs away from home to try make her dreams come true, she finds alternative solutions. Her thoughts are never lauded as One Truth, in fact she is often called out for the blind spots in her opinions since she too grew up a sheltered noble and can't account for all experiences. She is surrounded by women who challenge her ideas and make her into a better friend and person. AND she is funny and reading her is just plain fun. You CAN do a feminist who doesn't belong in her era, you just have to be careful to also make her a good character.

[adobe-outdesign]

Kung Fu Panda 4 Thoughts/Liveblog Thing

Just caught this at the theater for a grand total of five whole dollars, so I thought I'd do some quick opinions while it's fresh.

Non-spoiler opinion: It was Okay(TM), but the movies were considerably stronger as a trilogy. It's worth seeing one (1) time if you're a KFP fan (and really, who isn't), but I wouldn't bother paying full price for it or anything

SPOILERS FOR ALL 4 MOVIES UNDER THE CUT:

A list of things that slap:

The animation is stunning and fast-paced. Really loved the use of Chinese-style paint brush strokes to accentuate the action

Also I'll talk about the 5 later but I also really liked the animation change when describing where they are—all KFP movies have at least one animation shift and I'm glad this one kept up with it

Some of the fight scenes were super good, I liked the one that uses the tilting bar on a cliff in particular

(side note: the Missing Link did something similar, just on a ship. Go watch the Missing Link)

The Chameleon served straight cunt the entire time she was on screen and I kind of loved (almost) everything about her. Character design was incredible, voice was perfect, palace design was amazing, abilities were sick

Also the way she rides up chilling in a golden tree branch of all things? Fellas, we have no choice but to stan

Also I just appreciate the choice to both do a female villain for a change and to get a reptile in here after having only mammals and one (1) bird as villains previously

Speaking of character design there were a few really good ones in there, like a pangolin that moves Sonic the Hedgehog-style, a cool looking female boar, and a bunch of Komodo dragon henchmen. Good stuff

The jokes were a very mixed bag for me, some hit and some didn't. I will say that Zhen just going "that's great for you" in response to Shifu stating he's a red panda got me for some reason

If anyone hurts Po's gay dads I'm killing everyone in this room and then myself

Jack Black's cover of Baby One (1) More Time is unironically better than the original

A list of things that Do Not Slap:

Pacing/Plot:

This movie lacked a color scheme? KFP 1 was blue (also some gold), KFP 2 was red, KFP 3 was green. These colors weren't subtle either, there are entire scenes in each movie drenched in these colors and it was really obviously missing here

The whole first half the movie feels really breathless and too fast-paced. Apparently it was a studio mandate to have it not go over an hour and a half which is A) stupid and B) hurts the pacing

As much as I love Po's two gay dads we REALLY should not have been wasting time on their journey when the runtime is so tight

Also them tagging along felt off? Mr. Ping was worried sick about Po in KFP 2 but he doesn't tag alone because obviously he needs to let his son have his space. It's more in-character with Li Shan but it doesn't come across like he's talking Mr. Ping into it or something

In general there are so many plot points in this movie that feel under-developed. You could've made an entire movie out of the previous villains returning, Zhen and the Chameleon's relationship (see below), etc.

Po's Character:

People not knowing Po is the dragon warrior is weird, I'm pretty sure he would've been more well known than that

The entire thing with Po needing to give up his role as the Dragon Warrior doesn't really make sense? The Dragon Warrior is literally a made-up title. There's no need to have a Dragon Warrior because there is no such thing technically, it's why Oogway denied Tai Lung the title and then waited years and years to give it to Po. Like it's not a role that needs to be passed down, that's missing the entire point of the Everything

Also Po's only been like Dragon Warrior for a few years? I don't think we're ever given a time scale but it wasn't that long

The jokes about Shifu and Po having trouble with inner peace/mediating feels off given that was the entire plot of the second movie

It felt like Po regressed a bit character wise. He acts like he has no idea how to be a teacher in this movie but he already was a teacher by the end of the third, that was the entire point??

Also he seemed like he was more gullible in this movie but I could be wrong

Why is Po so impressed with Juniper city. He literally spent most of KFP 2 in Gongmen hello?? I think(?) Juniper is bigger but he shouldn't be acting like he has no idea what a city is

Zhen/Chameleon:

Zhen's character design doesn't match anything else, which is weird because most of the new characters in this film keep the distinct style in some form or another

Her wanted poster shows her with the bold markings KFP is known for and it looks SO much better

The plot twist with Zhen working for the villain was so obvious I did not realize it was supposed to be a twist at first

Also, the entire thing with Zhen was entirely unneeded? The Chameleon could've just just stood up and announced her plan to take over and Po would've shown up on her doorstep with the staff

I guess the idea is that Po needed to hand over the staff willingly for it to work? But if that's the case the Chameleon could've just impersonated Tigress or something and gotten it that way in like 1/3 of the time

Originally she was supposed to have kidnapped Shifu which would've been a much better plot point as it would've given Po extra motivation

The other problem with treating Zhen as a plot twist is that it hampers the relationship she has with the Chameleon effectively being her mom, which is FASCINATING. They had some really interesting chemistry together (the whole "stand up straight" thing as one example) and I could've seen it as a Mother Gospel from Tangled kind of deal, but we barely get any interaction between the two and it's like AAAAAAA

Fanfic writers fix this shit. I believe in you

I'll have to chew on it more but my pacing thought would actually be to start with Po finding out about the Chameleon's "take over everything" plan very early due to Shifu's kidnapping. He breaks into the lair like at the 1/3 mark or earlier and he meets Zhen inside which then leads into why she's doing what she's doing and the mother angle, etc etc blah blah

The Chameleon needed to just straight-up murder someone, comically shoving them down the stairs isn't good enough. I know stairs are Po's greatest enemy but I don't think that applies to everyone

Shen was allowed to stab someone on-screen so I think the Chameleon should be a allowed to strangle someone or something. as a treat

If violence was the concern just keep it off-screen like Master Rhino's death in KFP 2

The shapeshifter turning into a giant monster trope is overrated and I'm glad it was just used briefly here and not even for her defeat

Also the Chameleon's thing with her being rejected from Kung Fu because she's too small makes no sense b/c Mantis, which I'm pretty sure everyone's pointed out already. She does say "lowly" I think but was she ever poor? Could make a very interested parallel to Zhen if that was the case but it was never brought up again

I've heard some argue body image parallels w/ Po in KFP 1 but if that was the intent it's not explored, like, at all, which is a shame because it could've been an interesting angle

Also If they wanted a better excuse related to body image just say she was too frail instead of too small. I haven't owned chameleons but I've heard from people who have that they are very frail and very hard to keep alive, which would be a much better reason to turn her away

Cameos:

Yes I'm devoting an entire section to five second cameos don't judge me

I have mixed feelings on the Five not being present (save for the end cameos). On the one hand they are sorely missed but on the other hand they would've just made the plot bloat even worse

Lack of speaking was also bothersome. Part of me is glad they weren't recast with cheaper VAs because it's disrespectful to interchange them, but on the other hand that might've been better than just not having them speak and not paying anyone anyway

Tai Lung had all the best lines and was also the best used out of all the cameos, even if it would've been nice to have him on screen for longer. Also if they stuck with Shifu being kidnapped those two could've had some much-needed dialogue

Side note, while I don't think it contradicts anything from KFP 3 the spirit world having only kung fu masters in it feels off? It makes it seem so small and limited

Kai being there is weird. He's like. dead dead. Deader than dead. I guess you could argue that you can't kill something that's already dead but there's nothing even acknowledging this

Trying to take Shen's kung fu is really weird because the entire point of the fight with Master Rhino in KFP 2 is that he is not? a master?? like he's GOOD but he's not amazing, like if a master is like a 10/10 he's like an 8/10.

"The Chameleon has the powers of all my old nemesises!" WHAT'S SHEN'S POWER EXACTLY. HIS ONLY POWERS ARE GUN AND MOMMY/DADDY ISSUES

She does summon him way later than Tai Lung and Kai so maybe she was just camp spawning every single person she could think of regardless of skill level? she also uses his wings at one point so maybe she just wanted those, I don't think(?) there were other birds summoned

Though speaking of which she claimed she was using his wings but very clearly wasn't? not only were they black but they were raggedy and lacked the five longer feathers on the tips

Also Shen's model was super off, it looked way too fluffy and like an entire row of eyespots were missing from the edge of the train (which might have been a clipping error? unsure) it's been said the new models were made out of glue and popsical sticks and I believe it

Tai Lung has a habit of just like Grabbing anyone that's smaller than him and it amuses me

It's honestly really weird that everyone would just agree to go back into the spirit world willingly?

Like I think it works for Tai Lung because he's a noble person who just goes into a disassociative state and commits atrocities. Like I think he'd be willing to accept his death

Also it checks out for Shen because he killed himself and given his "dead belong in the past" mentality I can't imagine him wanting to stick around, he'd probably think it was unnatural

But Kai?? Kai was FURIOUS at being dragged back into the spirit world at the end of 3, like hell he'd just go quietly

Also I can see Tai Lung maybe respecting Po enough to bow to him but everyone else is pushing it unless they have therapists in the spirit world. Po offered Shen some nice advice at the end of KFP 2 and his response was to kill himself on the spot, I don't think him or Kai would be bowing

All of them were definitely in the middle of a mahjong match and were experiencing the equivalent of being woken up in the middle of a nap so they were just going along with things

Chameleon: I'm going to steal your kung fu

Everyone:

Misc:

I did like some of the more subtle callbacks. Stuff like Po seeing his reflection in the blade the way Shifu did or the "I can't even beat you to the stairs" scene were nice and not overly overt or in-your-face

If Po actively refers to himself as the "Kung Fu Panda" one more time I'm going to end it all

anyway that was not supposed to be a 12 page essay but it's too late now, goodbye

[shitpostingkats]

your yugioh discord server au my beloved.

dunno if this already came up, but i tottaly see everyone chatting regulary (esp jaden the spammer-tm), minus yusei. he just lurks and gives a reply every second year/when tagged. </3

Yusei is the lurker who nevertheless responds immediately when tagged. The guy will never hop in and voice his opinion, but the second you @ him he has replied the nanosecond you hit send. He is, however, the biggest organizer of server movie nights, voice chats, and meet-up when multiple members of them are in the same city. This au is set after his series ended, after all. He's already keeping up long distance friendships with Jack, Crow, Akiza, and the twins. He is hardcore about keeping on top of online friendships. Sometimes he'll just pop into the vc while he's working and leave it open while he tinkers.

In ascending order of activity, Yusaku probably chats the second least. This tempered though, by the fact that they are always online. 4am in the morning? Yusaku is there. Yusaku's actually more vocal in the discord than in real life, after years of growing up raised by message boards an forums. If everyone sees it's been like 25 hours since they logged off, someone will shoot a message to Kolter, or they'll just log into vrains and hunt him down like it's the most dangerous game (getting Yusaku to log off and go the fuck to sleep)

Yuya took a while to warm up the the GC, but every day gets more bold with just kicking down the doors of the chat and going off about something or another. Also he's in a minecraft server with all his brothers and the bracelet girls, so if he's online but not responding, it's probably because he's griefing Yuri's dirt house for the third time this week.

Yugi's really active in the chat, a fact that never fails to blow Yuma and Yuya's minds. He'll be at a global release sponsored by every important duel monsters company under the sun, and he'll send pictures of Kaiba caught mid sneeze with the caption 'LOL'. He will be on NATIONAL TV AND TEXTING THE GROUPCHAT. His memes are legendary.

No one knows how to quantify Yuma's activity, because there's like a 90% chance most of the messages he sends are him???? But then there's also the possibility that half his messages are Astral feeling chatty, and it's very hard to tell because both of them are equally likely to start a rousing discussion on the morals of dolphins at 3 in the morning. Yugi is the only one who can reliably tell them apart.

And OF COURSE, AT THE TOP OF THE LIST, IT'S YA BOI, YOUR SUPREME MEME KING: JADEN YUKI. *insert airhorn sound effect* Spammer galore. Constantly uploading selfies of him standing in front of some eldritch abomination, or standing on the surface of Jupiter, or some other such equally questionable use of his powers. Liveblogs his annoyance at being made to do demonic paperwork. Makes incomprehensible memes that no one can tell if he's dunking on his henchmen again, or just really, really good at shitposting. He has a channel in the discord just for him where, every day, he just sends a single digit number, and some of the yu-boys are going crazy trying to figure out if it's a code, or some secret eldritch coordinates, or a massive ARG style prank, or what.

Yusei eventually reveals it's how many tries Yubel took to get the days wordle.

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Idk if requests are open or not but I just wanna drop a thought, maybe a headcannon or short fic but feel free to ignore!

What would Aziraphale and Crowley think if they found out their partner has anger issues, maybe it’s so much like Crowley’s temper?

I hope this made sense 😅

Please and thank you!

Hi beautiful!

Here are some Thoughts(TM) for you (also requests are always open haha- i live for requests)

Crowley can find it difficult to regulate his emotions at the best of times, and with your anger issues being so similar they can feed into each other

Aziraphale is a people pleaser and will do everything within his power to help you both when you're particularly frustrated

"My dear, why didn't you tell us? Surely you know we would never judge you, hmm?" - Aziraphale when he first finds out.

"Mm- got a touch of rage deep inside, eh? Me too." - Crowley.

You take Crowley to go to one of those plate-smashing places one time and it becomes a regular thing. You blast Queen and have the time of your lives

When you're angry though? Aziraphale is the first to try and calm you down.

He will bring you a treat and do what he can to help calm you down.

He will also leave you alone if you're too far gone for help at that point.

100% if both you and Crowley are having a spectacularly bad day you will have screaming matches

You both usually feel better afterwards though.

Hopefully this suffices haha

Good omens tag list: @coffee-and-red-lipstick @quickslvxrr @clarina04 @motionlessindoubt (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

[moltengoldveins]

alright before I look at the tumblr tag for top gun 1984 or 1986 or whatever I can’t remember lemme take a wild flipping guess as to what tumblr thinks of the movie. Alright. Guess taken.

Now, I’ll just check the tag aaaaaaand- yep it’s all ice x mav content. so glad we all saw that completely unsubtle full-body scan up and down. When in the movie did that happen you ask? Uh. Like every time they’re both on screen I’m sorry men are allowed to be aggressive and competitive and also friends but not those men. Those men made me shift uncomfortably in front of my conservative parents. Those men made me more scandalized than the actual sex scene. Those men were 👌 this close to aggressively making out onscreen and when I brought it up literally all my parents said was “well men don’t act like men anymore no wonder you think it’s gay” my parents in Christ they were staring at each others lips. Their faces were within four inches of one another that is not enough room for Jesus. If men used to act Like That in public I think we may have as a society actually gotten straighter. What the heck. (also the emotional core of the movie re: Mav’s and Goose’s relationship was amazing 10/10 loved that entire arc I did enjoy the movie but Dang. I had to get that off my chest somewhere where I knew people would get it-)

Edit: I didn’t even mention The Bite TM. What the hell. I brought it up and all mum said was “well you’re not supposed to like him during that scene, of course it makes you uncomfortable.” Mum it’s not making anyone uncomfortable but you. Everyone else is checking their blood pressure. If it weren’t for my parents’ insistence that this movie was straight I’d have absolutely no idea how this movie got past censors. The power of denial is incredible.