#I want to create
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Has anyone talked about how boring having chronic illness is? Especially when it flares up bad.. Can't do much but doom scroll and constantly switch between apps because you're practically/are bed ridden and exhausted.
#i want to create#and i want to go out but it's bad this time and only getting worse dont know what's going on..#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronic fatigue
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i'm 28. i don't have a job. i'm up until the late hours of the night on tumblr. im making fan art again. the reflection i'm seeing in my computer screen is the same i saw when i was 18. what do you mean it's been 10 years since then? who am i now? who will i be? i've made so many steps forwards but right now it feels like i'm back to where i was.
#personal#lost my job in july and managed to stay a float#but i just#i want to create#i want to draw#that's all i ever want to do#but i can't#i've got to get a job#i need to pay bills#i need to network#i need to fucking network and pretend to know what i'm doing!!!#it's the weekend right now#but#another week starts#what will i do...#i can't live online forever#im okay im jsut#noticing patterns#i will go to bed and hug pepper
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thank you for rebloging a lot of positive and kind things in the past couple of hours. its been really nice and im sure im not the only one who could need it we'll all make it, eventually, it just might take time and a lot of effort, but we'll all make it to a nice and kind place in life
It’s all I can do to stay sane atm. Unfortunately there’s not much to be done about the situation at hand in the broad sense. I am but a blip in the void. I did what I could, and the outcome occurred.
There’s been enough despair that I’ve inflicted upon myself as of late (separate from world events). Agonizing over this won’t change it. So I have to keep living.
Nevertheless, we continue.
#my friends are still here#my family is… also here. mixed feelings aside#I want to get a cat#I want to write a book#I want to see concerts and meet my friends in person and travel#melody rambles#I want to create#so the world will keep turning#and we’ll have to figure out something#but I am still here#so that’s also something
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everytime I wake up like "I'm gonna draw today" but NO
#personal ramblings#stuck in a vicious circle of my own mental problems#I want to create#but don't have the actual drive to
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The game I want to make has become the game I need to make. This is not a bad thing at all, I am in love with the little worlds I have planned, and I want to share them with people.
Tiny issue… I suck with game engines. (I've only ever had real experience with Construct 2, I guess?? I've tried using Unreal Engine and Godot, but I can't wrap my head around those.)
Ideally, I'd have an engine that,
1. Supports both 3D and 2D in the same project.
2. Uses visual scripting that my tiny ape brain can understand.
And 3. Doesn't cost 17 billion dollars.
If anyone could guide me in the right direction, I'd be more than thankful.
#gamedev#i have plans that i cannot share with you right now because the haters will sabotage me#this is going to be the death of me#i need support#help!!#help!!!!!!!!#help please#godot engine#unreal engine#indie dev#i want to create#oh god this sounds like begging
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@randosfandos @baxieblur-turnip
#shitpost#snowbird adjacent#biblically accurate seraph kaishurr with four faces for each of her most common expressions#evil autistic art noises#art ideas anyone???#NOT EVEN OTHER CELESTIAL ENTITIES CAN LOOK AT THEM you say#me: im gonna get my sleep in order! also me at midnight with no end in sight: WHAT IF THEY WERE ANGELS#ive entered my bible fixation era#everybody pray for me but dont tell me because im busy#IM GONNA DRAW. IM GONNA DO IT. ITS GONNA BE GOOD. IM NOT LYING THIS TIME#ILL DO IT I WILL I PROMISE#[stands in front of cupboard of wips]#I WANT TO CREATE#anyway if i ever refer to rumi as dominion erudite you know why#biblically accurate angel#seraphim#dominion
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I’ve been working at this place 14 years today. I had forgotten, lost in the thought of spending my waking hours doing anything else ✨
#I want to write#I want to create#I want more passion in my life#but here we are#not the end of this story#mine#personal
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wanting to draw smth mcr related but i dont wanna draw but demolition lovers
#she demolition on my lover before she cheers for revenge#RAHAGHGGGHGHGGGG#i wanna draw so bad#but i dont#i want to create#but eepy#my chemical romance#demoliton lovers
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uuuuum, send me art requests pretty please

#chonnys charming chaos compendium#chonny jash#jashverse#speaking in spirals#please i want to draw#i want to create
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do you ever just think about something that resonates with you so deeply that you can feel it like a weight in your gut, like an immovable call to action, and yet you don't know where it goes so you just sit with it and hope it takes you where you need to be?
#i want to CREATE#i want to make ART and EMOTIONALLY AFFECT others AROUND ME#AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#theres so many stories to be told in this world and its my job to let it be said that i at least told one#god i need to go to sleep#ramblings
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Alright, I've been in a bit of a writing stumble right now with the big move and everything BUT I'm working myself back into it. Send me your strength, everyone...
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dose anybody got experience with suddenly not being able to draw a lot, is this a normal thing now.. maybe two years ago i think i would draw an entire piece every 3 days to a week and to be completely honest with you i was working a pretty heavy job so it isnt that i was working. and now i can do a line like every 2 days. ykwim.
#am i normal or is this bad#just kind of sad#i think i was severely using art as a crutch for my bad mental health and nowadays im doing better so im not always drawing to get away#but also less art... do you get what i mean#banging head against wall#i want to create#im not saying i want to go back to a very intense me tho#cuz i was like. ignoring people shutting ppl out just to focus on art and only art#and that sucked#thatss on the cyclothymia baby#but also i feel fine so why arent i drawing. poking myself with a stick
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Why do I have my best creative ideas when I don’t have the time to do them???
#I WANT TO CREATE#I WANT TO DRAW AND ANIMATE AND WRITE#BUT NOOOOOOOO#I HAVE TESTS AND LECTURES AND ASSIGNMENTS AND MORE LECTURES#BUT IT IS NOW THAT I HAVE IDEAS#AND I KNOW THAT WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE TIME TO DO THE THINGS I CURRENTLY WANT TO#I WILL NOT DO THEM#I WILL FORGET ABOUT THEM#OR NOT HAVE THE MOTIVATION FOR THEM#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Not me being inspired to write a whole book...
Let me cook 😌🥰❤️❤️❤️
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im so girl conflicted because i so desperately want to write long fic for gojo but also bakugou
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