#I want to study this argument under a microscope

[adhdevankinard]

Evan “you wouldn't mean to, you wouldn't plan for it, but you’d end up breaking my heart” Buckley meet Tommy “self-fulfilling prophecy” Kinard

[parvulous-writings]

You have so good taste in vampires, I swear

Thank you so much, anon!! Shall we have a highlight reel? I think we shall...

Number one for me has got to be The Vampire Armand - particularly the portrayal by Assad Zaman in AMC's tv show of Interview with The Vampire. He is just.... Hypnotic, to me. Complex, and just... Fascinating. I think he is the fascinating one. When s3 comes out I hope we get some more of him... I will eat that shit UPPP

2, 3, 4. Marko, Paul and Dwayne, from Lost Boys is definitely high on my list (though their placements could be interchangeable based on my mood.) I LOVE these guys, despite what little development we get for them. It's to the point where one of Paul's and Dwayne's interactions is now a vocal stim for me. I really wish we had gotten some more of them! ("Wait, whoooo wants to know?"/"Marko wants to know!")

5. Louis de Pointe du Lac - I just find his whole narrative incredibly interesting (Again, AMC's interpretation. Book Louis is cool too - and I have not seen the first movie adaptation), and Jacob Anderson's performance? Phenomenal - some of the revelations/flashbacks we see in s2 gave me actual chills. LDPDL they could never make me hate you.

6. Lesta de Lioncourt - do I need to say more. This diva is one of the 2 reasons I got into IWTV in terms of characters (the other being Louis). In a similar vein to Armand, I find him to be a complex man, I wish to study him under a microscope. Equal parts maddening, enchanting, and hilarious.

7. Claudia de Pointe de Lac - I love her. So fucking much. She's brilliant as a character and as a means to show how Louis, despite being our narrator and protagonist, also is not a good man. I saw a take recently on here where someone say that she was "insufferable" and "childish" in s2. And I just have to ask; are we looking at the same fucking Claudia? She grows up and matures, but still has a body of a teenager. She's wrestling with the fact that her body does not match her, and the fact that her closest friend/brother/father figure keeps deserting her in favour of pursuits of passion. Like come ON. (She's also hilarious like Lestat. The two are more and more alike the more I look at them.)

8. Astarion - this is where everyone goes "Oh brother, this guy STINKS" at me. But LISTEN!!! He is in fact a complex character - one who tells the story of someone who's been manipulated, used, and abused, as well as someone who can break that cycle if given the chance, or continue and perpetuate it under the illusion of ending it. I think he's very special - even if he's the centre of a few too many arguments amongst the fandom for my liking.

9. Dr Jonathan Reid - so he's a relatively new one for me, but he's already got me by the throat. What do you mean I get to not only walk around as a vampire, but I also am in charge of healing people or using them to further my own powers? And as a handsome vampire, no less? Watch him become my favourite blorbo in 10 days time.

10. Dracula (specifically Dracula from The Dark Prince) okay listen. He's only this low because I got distracted 30 mins into the film he's in. BUT what I have seen of him.... Ouughghhg.... Dracula, watch out, I'm scaling your walls.

[momentomori24]

I swear to God, Twitter being able to accumulate so many brain-dead, malicious, pseudo intellectual low lives all in one place at the same time is a phenomenon worthy of being studied under a microscope in a science lab. And no, that is not a compliment.

Thankfully people have already spoken out against this bullshit-- the fact that people needed to is already maddening to think about-- but as someone who got the basic gist of what happened literally yesterday I'll also put my voice out there: Don't you fucking dare try to paint Hbomb as a murderer over this situation.

Somerton may be a lying, misogynistic plagiarist and conman, but he obviously doesn't deserve to die and while I do make fun of the guy, I genuinely hope that he continues to have a life after the dust has settled on everything. Not on YouTube or any social media platform for a long time at least, but just a life nontheless. I don't wish what he's potentially going through on anyone, and I hope that he makes it through this. But regardless of if he does or doesn't-- and God forbid he doesn't-- none of this is Hbomb's fault. It's not his fault, or Kat's fault, or Jessie's fault (because apparently there's people blaming her too cuz WHY NOT), or anybody's fault. All they did was call out his actions, hold him accountable for the harm he's done. They have done nothing to deserve having to carry this on their shoulders should the worst happen. They did nothing wrong. They didn't kill James (he's not confirmed dead yet either btw). They are not murderers. And to the people saying they are: say those words out loud, listen how they sound like, and re-evaluate. Just cease.

And to people like this:

''Oh I'm not blaming him for anything I'm just blaming him for what his audience did because according to HIM you're responsible for your audience'' Yeah, you people can shut your mouths too. Of course you're responsible for your audience, and that includes Hbomb too. However, your tiny, godless little monkey brain can't see why your argument is still rubbish even with that in mind. The difference between James, Internet Historian and Hbomb is that Hbomb never promoted problematic behaviour to his audience. If you promote problematic shit like harassment or misogyny or racism, then yeah, you're absolutely responsible for how your behaviour influences your audience. But that's not what he did. He made it very clear where he stood on those things, literally stating that ''if anyone were to harass Somerton on his behalf they are worse than him and will not see the light of heaven''. He's done his part in making it clear that harassment is wrong, so if someone went out of their way to go against that and harass James anyway that doesn't reflecf on him at all. Also, what the hell do you mean ''hatemobbed'' to suicide? I don't doubt there are people who went to extremes because those bad apples always exist, but most of the things I've seen are valid critisisms, memes and call outs about that guy. If holding people accountable for their actions and poking fun at them a little counts as 'hatemobbing'' (which has Filip calling his critics a ''lynch mob'' energy tbh) what the hell do you call actual hatemobbing then? Do we just let people continue being shitty because calling them out ''damages their mental health'' or ''drives them to suicide'' then? Is that a world you want to live in?

Same thing goes for people like this:

Criticing someone for their objectively bullshit content and wanting them dead are two seperate things. What the actual hell is wrong with you. The plagiarist in question is a person. Those ''harshest critics'' are still people. And because we're people, we care. I'd rather James pump out more plagiarised slop than commit suicide. I'd still hate him for it, but I'd prefer him being alive over the alternative any day. We all do. None of us would sleep easier knowing he's dead just because he wouldn't be ''committing the cardinal sin of putting out a 'pure content mill' video'' because someone taking their own life is horrific-- especially Hbomberguy, how dare you even try to imply that?

And this gets me to the reason I'm furiously typing all this out in the first place: Hbomb is the fucking victim here, so stop treating him like he isn't. He tried making things as right as possible by compensating those that were burned by James through a video where he revealed everything there needs to be known about the guy so that less people fall victim to his actions and lies. To just ignore the harm James was causing while he had the evidence to prove it and platform too big to threaten into non existence should he speak out would've been bad. So he didn't. He did the right thing by sticking with the people James had stolen from, giving them a voice and making them known after they've been scrubbed from the picture by decidedly being uncredited for their works or bullied into silence. He shouldn't have to deal with this for doing the right thing. He shouldn't be labelled a murderer for doing the right thing. He shouldn't have to have the death of a man on his conscience for doing the right thing. People claiming otherwise are obviously wrong, but I can't imagine what all this must feel like right now. Because even tho they're wrong, guilt isn't a rational thing, and I know that if I were in his position I'd still feel like a morally bankrupt individual were the worst to happen even if I knew that it was not my fault. This isn't a funny story. So to add to this dumpsterfire by using it as a prop to bash on a creator you don't like and immediately write Somerton off as dead even when he's not even been confirmed dead yet to do that shows how little these people actually care about the thing they're talking about. They don't care a guy potentially killed himself-- what they care about is using it to paint Hbomb in a bad light because they don't like him. Here they are, posting memes and ill jokes about this very delicate situation while barely a day since the news broke out had passed. It's opportunistic, it's sickening, and literally the exact thing he criticised in his video when talking about 'content mills'. Like, I know none of these clowns bothered to actually watch it, but have some self-awareness. And some shame too, while you're at it.

This long story short: I'm writing this to contribute to the narrative not getting twisted to make Hbomb out to be the villian. Same goes for everyone else. Don't let these people paint them as the villians. If I see another person pull this shit again I will literally bite you and shred you into salad and spit you back out because I hate you so much and I mean that wholeheartedly.

To Hbomb: you will never see this but if you do, take care of yourself.

To the asshats this post is about: Delete your account. Cease all together. Stop talking about this. Just leave him the fuck alone.

[hurremsultanns]

I have been discussing this with people on Reddit, but it is interesting to see the discourse on Meryem!Hürrem vs Beren!Kösem. The arguments of the haters of each essentially boil down to this:

Meryem!Hürrem: She's too abrasive, annoying, unlikeable, aggressive (a female character who is a victim who is too unpalatable and not morally good enough for them to find likeable)

Beren!Kösem: Her characterisation is too flat, her arc comes at the expense of the characterisation of those around her (notably Halime and Safiye) and of the logic of the story itself, she gets too many things handed to her on a silver plate, and the show expects us to cheer her on even when she's doing some genuinely questionable things (in other words she's a Mary Sue).

Admittedly I have already shown my own bias here, but I find myself in the second camp as a Hürrem apologist who also finds season 1 Kösem to be a Mary Sue. I would rather have a complex and multifaceted female character who goes through organic struggles and character growth than one who is designed to be a likeable hero to cheer on. Hürrem is of course a deeply flawed person. But the narrative is fully aware of this. And the understanding of how she subverts a villain archetype relies on the understanding that she is a flawed person who does genuinely awful things. I'd go so far as to say that the fact that the show allows her to do objectively horrible things just like most of the other major characters, acknowledges this, and yet still affords her as much sympathy as it does, is one of the greatest strengths of how she is written. So while a lot of people do root for Hürrem as a team sports exercise, there is a lot to appreciate her beyond that on a character writing level.

However for Kösem, this is less the case. She is very much designed (in season 1) to be an uncomplicated hero who the audience is meant to root for. And while writing good characters or heroes is in and of itself valid and fine, having an uncomplicated hero protagonist in such as morally grey a franchise as Magnificent Century presents a lot of issues that don't get resolved until season 2 of MC:K. Which is also probably a significant reason why in my experience a lot of people who find Beren!Kösem to be a Mary Sue love Nurgül!Kösem. Because season 2 Kösem is fully in her antiheroine Godmother arc and it is genuinely deeply compelling to watch (on top of the fact that Nurgül is a powerhouse of the actress who brought so much to the role).

I don't want morally pure heroines to root for. Give me complex, realistic and flawed women so I can study them under a microscope. That is far more fun.

[thecircularsystem]

Well, now I understand why people syscourse. There’s just so much wrong with this that I don’t want to leave it stand.

If you’re interested in a conversation, dissociative-misinfo, I’d be happy to have one. I don’t feel like you really listened the first time, however, so… know that this post is really for everyone else to understand the flaws of your argument.

A huge misconception I saw was people comparing their claimed plurality to DID/OSDD "plurality." People with DID/OSDD are not plural. People with DID/OSDD are 1 person with severe dissociation that causes them to subjectively believe they are multiple identities/people, but the fact is that they are 1 person and 1 identity.

While this may be the physical representation of CDDs, plurality is an umbrella label. The best definition I’ve seen is “the experience of having multiple autonomous agents in one body.” Would you deny that parts, in DID, work apart from one another and have their own goals, desires, and beliefs?

I’m an individual who uses and benefits from parts language over people-based language, but that does not deny the personhood of my parts. They are no less real and significant. To say they don’t count as plurality simply because they’re parts of a whole is to deny that personhood.

There is no harm in identifying as plural, even as a system of parts. I don’t personally identify as plural, but that’s because plural is an opt-in label, and is one that I do not associate with for personal reasons. One can identify as plural and still recover from DID.

Umbrella labels such as plural contain a large population. I agree with you that most endogenic systems don’t have similar presentations of systemhood as DID systems do! But they can all be considered plural if they would like. There is no harm.

I’ll start with the argument that there's so many endos claiming the same thing, and therefore they can't all be lying. Historically speaking there are many instances of millions of people claiming an experience that is scientifically impossible or blatantly false.

How wonderful, then, that endogenic systems have not been proven scientifically impossible or blatantly false.

Take flat earthers, for example. All known science about anything relating to the earth states and proves that it is round, and yet around 10% of the US believes it is flat, among other conspiracies such as the moon landing being fake. Hell, COVID showed us just how many vaccine and illness deniers there are, almost everyone has at least 1 family member they can think of who denied it.

The roundness of the earth is a scientific fact that can be proven. We can see it from space, and have before; we can study the shadows of obelisks and see the curvature through the angles used.

Covid is a scientific fact that can be proven; it exists, we can see it under a microscope and have, and we can prove the quality of vaccines.

Endogenic plurality is not a scientific fact that can be proven, or at least, has not been proven as of yet. It is a completely subjective experience inside one person’s own head. The sheer amount of people who share that experience indicate that something is happening. They indicate that people are experiencing something.

It would be foolish to suggest that all endogenic systems are DID systems, as the majority do not display the symptoms of DID.

It would be foolish to suggest all endogenic systems are faking, for many reasons (harassment, sheer volume of individuals, length of time claimed to be endogenic, etc).

It would be foolish to suggest endogenic systems are experiencing some other disorder, as many are not dysfunctional or distressed by their plurality.

Simply put, sometimes the easiest answer is the best one. Why not just accept, “That group of people over there say they’re experiencing that, and it does me no harm to accept that”?

As for, "I'm not going to deny someone's experiences." You may not, but science does. Would you "not deny someone's experiences" if their experience was beating cancer with essential oils? Maybe you wouldn't outright, but we can both acknowledge what an outlandish and impossible claim that is. Being an 'endogenic system' when a system is a clinical term for people with DID (an inherently trauma-caused condition) is an impossible claim.

Science does not deny endogenic systemhood.

There are no studies, no articles, not even opinion essays from psychologists, which dictate that endogenic systems cannot exist. Trust me, I had been looking for years (up until I realized that I really, really, could not give less of a shit).

An endogenic system claiming to exist is not the same thing as someone beating cancer with essential oils. One is a personal experience, and one is scientifically not happening. Moreover, scientifically “outlandish” does not make something scientifically impossible; I would make sure you use the clearest language possible.

As for “clinical term…”

System is not a clinical term. At least, it hasn’t been for decades now. It’s a community term to discuss the individual parts collectively… collected. The term was taken in the early 2000s from the natural multiplicity movement — but as that happened, the usage of system took less and less prominence in CDD circles. System had grown in all circles to be an identity, rather than a medical term, and not as many people “identified” as systems.

To discount the communal nature of the term System is to discount countless of endogenic plurals from the 2000s and 2010s who had no other terminology to use. They were told they were systems with DID who did not know their trauma, because what other options were there?

Regardless. The term system hasn’t been a strictly medical term for strictly CDD systems for quite some time (or, even, ever; to see more history, I would suggest this post, along with the sources and links in the post).

(If you're going to claim plurality, that is a spiritual and personal claim, and should not involve you calling yourself a system with alters, because those are clinical terms for pwDID/OSDD, people who are not plural)

Unintentionally — or at least, I hope it was unintentional — you’ve said here that pwCDDs cannot be spiritual or have personal claims to plurality.

Again; “system” is not a medical term. “Alters” is not solely medical either. And this is coming from someone who agrees with you that it would be far better if endogenic plurals used “plural” and “headmate” preferably, to delineate experiences. But that’s not a demand I can make of thousands of people. Nor should I; to delineate that would be to out systems who have trauma based on the words they use.

What harm does it cause? If it is known that endogenic systems exist, that they are different from CDDs, and CDD symptoms are actually discussed, then what harm does it cause to identify as plural? Your entire basis here boils down to, “I don’t like that there’s no science behind it.” To which I respond, you must feel great about xenogenders, contradicting labels, and neurodivergent labels.

Another common argument I saw was comparing endogenic plurality to being transgender, a comparison that will always be offensive and upsetting to me as a trans man. Particularly the terms "sysmed" and "traumascum" I find horrifically offensive.

I have discussed at length my thoughts about sysmed and trauamscum. Thankfully the latter of those two terms has seen a sharp fall in popularity as individuals have absolutely realized how ableist it is.

I am a queer individual myself, with a multitude of gender identities, and consider myself to be under the trans umbrella. I also am frustrated when people compare plurality to gender, particularly as someone who chooses their gender.

However. It must be acknowledged that a comparison is not the same as saying, “these two things are exactly the same.” It’s saying, “there are similarities between these two things.” For instance, the similarities in that plurality and gender are both identity-based labels, meaning both are something someone chooses to identify with. Another would be that those who experience plurality openly are prejudiced against, same as those who display their genders openly.

I’m not saying that gender and plurality are the same, or even the most similar. But comparing bigotry, labeling, and community styles of behavior is not a bad thing inherently. People who are trans are allowed to feel their plurality is similar to their gender identity, and you're allowed to feel uncomfortable about that. Both can be true.

As I understand it, endogenics don't claim to have DID/OSDD. So then, why do they claim to be systems? Systems with alters, who split? A multiple system is a clinical term used for people with DID. "Sysmed" implying that being a system is a clinically defined experience is true, because being a system is exclusive to DID/OSDD. Being a system is not being plural.

This is just a repetition of your earlier point, so do we really need to rehash this?

I will say, again, sysmed is a stupid term and I think it should leave the vocabulary of all those in syscourse. Fuck sysmed as a term. All my homies hate sysmed.

As I keep reiterating, people with DID/OSDD are not plural. They are 1 person experiencing a dissociated identity that may feel like being multiple people, but is objectively not. So with 'system' being a DID/OSDD term, endogenics using it are claiming a non-plural DID/OSDD experience, and thus countering their claim to "not be a part of the DID community" or "be a separate community."

Something being objectively true does not erase what feels true. And sometimes, what feels true is better.

For me, for instance, back to the gender examples: I am, objectively, female. But what feels true sometimes is that I am male. Does that mean I am objectively not male? Does that mean I cannot claim to be male when I feel male?

If we put this in context of CDDs, then obviously, the comparison falls apart. After all, DID isn't something I "feel" like I am. It's something I have; an affliction. But plurality is not that way. Plurality is a feeling; a belief system. To say that CDD systems cannot have a belief system... Well now, you're starting to fall into some serious ableism there.

Endogenics are not claiming a plural CDD experience. They're just claiming a plural one, and they (occasionally, with rapidly decreasing popularity) use the term "system," a term which has been community based over medically based for over a decade now, closer to over two.

As far as "traumascum," I genuinely hate anyone who uses that word. Trauma scum? What has to be wrong with you to come up with a slur for people who have experienced childhood trauma and believe in the disorder caused by childhood trauma? Once again it boils down to plurality not relating to trauma or DID/OSDD, because systems are not plural. They are singular people experiencing severe dissociation.

Agreed with you on traumascum, but again, almost everyone agrees on this, regardless of their stance on endogenic systems. If you really want to rally about it, go to ActingNG and complain. They're who you're actually upset about.

Regardless, once again, plurality is something systems can identify with, and you've never identified any harm in identifying as plural.

It's currently well-known that a LOT of autistic people meet the criteria for, or are diagnosed with, (C)PTSD, and it is uncommon for autistic people to survive childhood without trauma. There's rudimentary theories that autistic people may be more likely to develop DID because of their likelihood to experience childhood trauma either due to low tolerance of negative events, and/or the normalized abuse and neglect of special needs children.

Side note, my therapist fully agrees with this, and the way my systemhood interacts with my autism is... HOO. I could go on for years.

I think with that in mind, it makes sense that being autistic might make you more prone to developing DID, but it doesn't make you mixed origin. Even if your autism is what caused you to experience trauma, the trauma is still what caused you to form dissociated parts/a system.

Cool! That does not mean people are not plural. What harm is there in an individual identifying as mixed-origin? For instance, I identify as mixed origin from time to time, when it pleases me to share that. I have a part who split during a nightmare and resurfaced when he was needed. I have two parts who split due to intentional creation. All of them are traumagenic, but knowing why they split and how has been vital to our steps towards FM. Why is it then wrong to acknowledge those origins, if it's helping me heal?

Saying your system is 'neurogenic' because your autism made you vulnerable to trauma would be like me saying my system is 'moralgenic' because my strong morals are often why my mom abused me. It doesn't make sense, and the trauma from the abuse is what actually caused the symptoms, not whatever about me caused me to be abused.

Again, very interested in your thoughts on xenogenders.

Shoutout to anyone who chooses to identify as a xenoorigin to help them better define their system. If it's helpful to you, more power to you.

And lastly a common argument I saw was people saying the endogenic community is simply nicer to them, which doesn't prove their validity, but is really sad. I personally had this experience when I was pro-endo as a kid, because anti-endos seemed so gung ho about their opinion and pro-endos had an 'accepting everyone' vibe that a child me found comforting.

Nothing is going to "prove" endogenic validity, especially not in a way that most anti-endo systems will accept. I think this should be far more of a red flag to you; the fact that so many said that the pro-endo community accepted them, that so many are pushed away from the anti-endo community due to the sheer horrendous quality of that group.

I say this as someone who was hurt immeasurably by pro-endo systems, and found more solace than elsewhere with anti-endo systems.

But then I got older and I realized why anti-endos are so adamant about endogenic systems not being a possible concept. It's because pro-endos will tell young people struggling with dissociation that their trauma wasn't enough and they must be endo, with a smile on their face. It's because endos will use our DID/OSDD terms like system, alter, split, and insert themselves into our healing spaces, with a smile on their face. It's because endos will conflate DID/OSDD experiences with dissociated parts, to the subjective and unproven experience of plurality, with a smile on their face.

Sigh.

As I got older, I realized why anti-endos are so adamant about endogenic systems not being possible. It's because anti-endos look at endogenic systems existing and rally against them. They look at adults and call them horrible, disgusting, spit in their faces, simply for daring to call themselves a system -- a term which has been community based for longer than the term "endogenic" meant "formed without trauma." It's because anti-endos are traumatized, and many of them refuse to realize they are projecting their fears and abuse onto endogenic systems, never knowing how to stop, how to heal, how to grow.

Because endogenic systems do not hurt people.

Can abusive endogenic systems hurt people? Yes! Obviously. But that does not mean every endogenic system is inherently doing the things you listed (just like how not every anti-endo does the things I listed above). And, again, I cannot express enough how I had those same exact experiences.

I just managed to not project them onto every single endogenic system.

To me, it's very reminiscent of how conspiracy theorists will tell you all about their insane beliefs but because they're kind and welcoming many people fall for it. A community being open and welcoming doesn't say anything to the validity of their beliefs. Anti-endos are more assertive because we have so much to lose in the meaning of our disorder and the danger levels of the online community (the danger being endos grooming people into their beliefs and delaying their healing, such as what happened to me), similar to how people hate COVID deniers because many of them have lost people to COVID or have the potential to lose people as a result of anti-masking and "COVID parties."

I wasn't "groomed" by endogenic systems, but I was told I was endogenic repeatedly. This led to me sticking by my abusers for far longer. This does not negate the possibility of endogenic existence. I crashed by car due to endogenic systems feeding me misinformation. This does not negate the possibility of endogenic existence. I was kicked out of the endogenic communities for not being Plural Enough, Pro-Endo Enough, Kind Enough, etc, and so forth, and so on.

And none of that negates what people are experiencing. That's just people being hurt, and newsflash, traumatized people will get hurt, regardless of what origins the person has, if any, who hurts them.

Is there value in discussing the problems with the online community of endogenic systems on tumblr? Absofuckinglutely, and I do so often. But that doesn't negate what people are experiencing, and doesn't somehow prove that endogenic systems don't exist. It honestly just speaks to me how horrible syscourse is, and how everyone needs educated on CDDs -- something you consistently fail to do on your blog left and right, as you refuse to acknowledge the autonomy of CDD systems repeatedly, even just within this post.

LET PEOPLE FUCKING LIVE THEIR LIVES. I beg this of you.

It genuinely is not hurting us, anymore so than a normal ass person could hurt us.

I see you mention therians. You don't mind them cause they aren't medical. Neither are endogenics. Please just.... stop. Go focus on recovery -- not on endogenic systems and telling DID systems they're not allowed to be plural.

[very-bad-poetry-captain]

TOS book review McCoy edition – Dreams of the Raven

I joked that one day I’d write a book review based on specific McCoy questions… A McCoy meter if you will. Well, I decided to do it! Not to be taken too seriously except that my love for McCoy (and his suffering) is no joke. Contains some spoilers for the book.

Title: Dreams of the Raven Author: Carmen Carter. Year published: 1987

To summarize the book in two sentences:

McCoy loses his memory in the middle of a mission and thinks he’s in his early twenties again. This is fun for exactly no one. 

Official plot summary:

A merchant ship’s frantic SOS sends the Enterprise speeding to the rescue! But the starship’s mission of mercy soon becomes a desperate struggle for survival against a nightmarish enemy Captain Kirk can neither identify nor understand, an enemy he must defeat without the aid of one of his most trusted officers. For the Leonard McCoy Kirk knew is gone. In his place stands a stranger – a man with no memory of his Starfleet career, his family, his friend or the one thing James T. Kirk needs most of all… his dreams.

This book is for you if you:

would love to study McCoy under a microscope

enjoy exciting mystery plots

have a strong stomach (trigger warning for gore/body horror/autopsy scenes)

The ultimate McCoy questionnaire (below the read-more):

Is McCoy in it? McCoy is the main character and the main problem and somehow also the solution.

Is McCoy in it a lot? So much. But it’s mostly the amnesiac McCoy that no one likes mean. Somehow the “young” McCoy gets it in his head that the “old” McCoy should die for his crimes (that is, being human enough to have made mistakes throughout life) and it’s up to the young McCoy to quit Starfleet and start his life over. I’d say half the book revolves around this plot (to my great amusement).

Does he get to be concerned over whatever angst has befallen Kirk lately? It’s the opposite around – Kirk gets to worry himself sick over McCoy :3 The young McCoy doesn’t even remember who Kirk is. Kirk is extremely upset by this (yay!) and really wants his bestie back. Quote from Kirk (barely controlled rage): “It’s your duty as a doctor, as my ship’s surgeon… […] Somewhere inside of you is a man who would stop at nothing to save a friend’s life, to save any life, no matter what the personal cost. It was that quality that made him the best medical officer in Star Fleet. If you don’t have that same passion for the value of life, you’ll never be half the doctor he was. Or half the man.”

Does he get to have silly little arguments with Spock?                  Yes, of course, Spock can’t resist him. They were literally arguing when McCoy got knocked over and lost his memories. After that everyone is sad and depressed because young McCoy refuses to argue with Spock.

Is he the damsel in distress?                    Well, he’s in a lot of distress, that’s for sure. But he gets some action scenes at the end… More like he’s treating himself like a damsel in distress to the detriment of everyone around him. At least we can assume that Spock carried a bleeding McCoy through the ship to Sickbay, since Spock was with him when he hit his head and Kirk reminisces later over Spock being covered in blood… And everyone is very worried about him.

Does he suffer, preferably a lot? Physical and/or psychological torment                          He suffers a lot initially… Then he makes everyone else suffer for a change. Why would you do this, McCoy? Just hurt everyone you love? I just wish he’d remembered it afterwards so he could suffer from guilt, too. That would have been delicious. The book starts off with shore leave being cancelled, and then a lot of the crew get hurt and several die. McCoy comes out of hours upon hours of surgery with trembling hands and a lot of angst. He does fun things like staring at pictures of dead aliens, reading an e-mail from his ex-wife and getting drunk before dropping into bed. Then, of course, after too little sleep he knocks his head so hard he loses his memories and wakes up in Sickbay (and he truly is the worst patient ever). The young McCoy is tormented by not remembering half of medical school, hearing about all the terrible mistakes the old McCoy has done throughout life, and seeing wrinkles on his face in the mirror. Also he’s pretty useless as an officer and can’t remember having ever done surgery on a living being before. Quote from young McCoy: “Since when does Star Fleet hire doctors with an instinct for self-annihilation? No wonder I became chief medical officer. Promotion due to a high rate of casualties.” <-Words from a man whose colleagues knew he’d volunteer to beam into a dangerous situation. If only he knew how much danger he’d volunteered for in the twenty-five years he’s forgotten…

Does he get to whine and complain and be right about it? Even better is he wrong about it?                        He whines A LOT and he is extremely WRONG about it. It’s a miracle no one grabs him by the collar and shakes him around.

Does he get to throw some of that southern charm around?                         Yeah, on the wrong person. Terrible. And extremely fascinating. The young doctor in charge of getting his memories back is no match for young McCoy’s advances, and honestly, who can blame her? Who needs workplace professionalism when you can get your heart broken by sleeping with your boss while his memories are gone. And poor Spock catches them kissing… I’m pretty sure this is why no one tells McCoy what happened afterwards when his memories return. Too awkward.

Does he get to do some medical malpractice?                         Yes, actually, if you count incapacitating aliens as medical malpractice. But mainly he gets to forget everything he ever learned and get it back just in time to take over from the sucky doctor no one likes to save the day. Heroic. (But why is the second most senior doctor on the ship an asshole no one likes? They should have put Chapel in charge or something… I mean obviously it’s because then everyone gets to commiserate over how McCoy is a much better CMO and boss, but still. I have questions.)

Does Spock call him illogical or similar?                         Spock COMPLIMENTS him. What is the world coming to? Better yet – young McCoy calls Spock “sir” and is super polite to him and Spock hates it. And Spock gets the dubious honor of training an amnesiac McCoy for landing party duty. Literally just drills McCoy on protocol for hours so he won’t die. Quote from young McCoy: “Diana must have been pulling my leg about fighting with Spock. I’d rather wrassle a Bengal tiger than cross that man.”

Is he forcibly put through his arch nemesis the transporter? Or the dress uniform? Quote from young McCoy: “You put human beings in that unholy device?”

Does Kirk call him handsome (joke or not this happens more than you'd think)? Not really :/

Bonus points if his accent is pronounced and his speech is full of befuddling southern expressions which make Spock question McCoy's sanity (and me wondering if I need a dictionary) I think they could have had more fun with young McCoy having an accent. But the book does get bonus points for young McCoy’s last memory being that he was thrown off a horse at a ranch (apparently a great way to relax from medical school is riding half-wild young horses? And this from a man who is afraid of transporters…) and therefore gets to have a I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore… kind of moment.

Criticisms/things I’d change:

Much like in The search for Spock, there’s a serious lack of McCoy/Spock closure at the end of the book. Also, I’d remove the weird romance young McCoy has with the other doctor on the Enterprise that he conveniently forgets about when his memories return. Plus, even though the title literally includes the word dreams there are barely any dreams in the book. They could have spent a little bit more time showing him sweating and moaning from nightmares… alas we were robbed.

Highlights:

The reason McCoy’s memories return (not gonna spoil it). The way Spock and Jim obviously miss him a lot. The mission plot which is really interesting. A very good, slightly insane book! Definitely a recommended read!

Final McCoy meter: 9/10 would read again

[spiritsglade]

jason todd, cass cain, and ollie queen for this ask game

[character breakdown]

HI HAI!!! THANKS FOR THE ASK!

jason todd:

How I feel about this character

i think calling him my favorite is somewhat misleading but he is certainly the one i am thinking about the most and always. he may have a total of like five good comics but i am an expert at taking a run that sucks and picking out the 2-3 interesting implications in there for my own purposes.

i want to tuck him into bed. i need to make him into a marketable plushie and throw him at a wall as hard as possible. i hope he gets 2 billion hugs i want to study him under a microscope.

there's so much i like about him that it's hard to compress it into something short lmao. he's such a unique character metatextually. the all-blades are so so interesting, especially when you contextualize them with his code in utrh/lost days. he's so theatrical. i am thinking always of the nuances of his relationship with each of his parental figures.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

roy harper probably gets closest to otp status. i would say i need them to kiss so badly but this isn't even true i just need them to be like. in the same space together. i'm obsessed with nearly every single variation of their relationship i just kgmreklgmrehmltkhmr,m.

jaykyle is fun to me but in a shitposty kind of way. jayessence is one where i think i technically do ship them but the romance is secondhand to the thorny and strange way they regard each other. jason x isabel is hmmmm i like them but only with the version of isabel ardila that exists in my head.

jayrose, jayrena, jaymia and jaysteph are all in the same tier of i don't really seek them out/they're not the first that come to mind. but if i stumble across them i am absolutely down :) also you're selling me on jaymax i won't lie.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

dick grayson. the two of them make me ill in a ways that defy description. jaybin & discowing in every variation makes me sooo so sad (ranging from dick's fighting with bruce leading to resentment for jason -> them explicitly thinking of each other as brothers and hanging out as much as possible.) when it comes down to it, it's all about the lost potential!! what could have been!! no matter how much dick may have been fond of jason that strain of his relationship with bruce + the difference in age and maturity means there was always gonna be distance there.

and then when jason comes back... honestly i think post-crisis dick's cruelty to jason to like an almost ooc way can be explored in an interesting way in-universe. why is jason the exception to your selfless compassion!! but even ignoring that it's again about lost potential it is about trying to reconnect when the person you've lost has changed so fundamentally and so have you!! anyway dickie and jay i am thinking of them always.

My unpopular opinion about this character

i simply have no frame of reference for what opinion is unpopular anymore (i <3 my echo chamber) but i am actually not all that opposed to the idea of jason putting down the guns or shifting to a more nonlethal moral code. however dc has failed in every attempt to do this in an interesting way.

sorry i simply do not believe that jason hasn't realized or needed to reckon with the consequences of killing people. oh no they had families? what if he accidentally kills the wrong guy? what if he killed the guy we needed info from/needed alive for various reasons? he's considered these questions before pulling the trigger. pick better arguments. starting a story with 'killing is bad' already established as an axiom is boring as hell.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

he should kiss roy harper. i mean. anyway.

i don't actually trust dc to do this at all but sometimes i wish that plotline in future state where bruce had jason working undercover & the entire batfam thought jason betrayed them was like... real. (it wasn't actually bruce it was hush.)

like the total lack of faith in jason. jason destroying his own life and relationships for bruce's sake. a proper arc of how do you fix what's been destroyed after the whole undercover part comes to light. i'm saying give jason a spyral arc, i guess. i think it could highlight existing strain between him & the batfam in a very interesting way.

hey if we just believe hard enough maybe this could be where h2sh is headed--*gets shot*

cassandra cain:

How I feel about this character

i love her i love her i love her one day i'm gonna accidentally project all over her and it's gonna be so over for me. i think first of all her being a teenage girl beating the shit out of grown men is just awesome for her. i'm so happy that there are people out there mad about that.

i think her mindset is just so interesting. like the body language gimmick immediately makes her so fun to play around with in social contexts. like for all its faults i think the wfa episode where she can tell steph is unhappy and then pushes too hard to find out why -> makes everything worse is so interesting, actually!! being able to practically read someone's mind, having all those cards on the table, can actually complicate your relationships even further! and cass is a fun lens to explore that though, especially because she hasn't really had a chance to know what's "normal" for most of her life.

her desperate need to save everyone is also so important to me. as are the impossible standards she holds herself to. 'i can be mediocre for a lifetime or perfect for a year' <- lines that i need to absorb into my bone marrow. man. i really need to finish batgirl 2000.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

stephcass forever. i don't know much about cassrose but i do know enough to be intrigued + stephcassrose is also neat for similar reasons.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

barbara gordon!!! babs wants the best but there is forever a disconnect between them because babs doesn't really get cass. babs as an information broker with her eidetic memory has a very specific perception of the world that just doesn't overlap very well with cass's whole deal. and that causes this undercurrent of tension. i think babs focusing on how she wants cass to have a civilian life + cass not caring about that at all because being batgirl is enough is a pretty clear example of this.

but more importantly, babs cares!! she's trying her damnedest to help. cass literally thinks of her as family, as her mother, and i am spinning that fact around in my head always.

the entire babs and bruce and cass push and pull is extremely fun to witness in general.

My unpopular opinion about this character

i think she should be more of a hater. she should watch a show and decide she doesn't like it and announce this fact to the entire world. she has like five food items that she likes. strong opinions about trivial things and she's not talkative, you will know exactly how she feels about everything.

i am talking more fanon interpretations here because i admittedly haven't read too many of her more modern comics but if she gets annoyed talking to you i truly believe she would just leave midsentence.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

make stephcass canon i am actually serious about this one. tate brombal i hear you're doing good work. keep it up.

oliver queen:

How I feel about this character

i saw someone describe green arrow comics as having more mundane struggles than batman and i think this is correct and a large part of the appeal to me. ollie struggles with his relationships and with problems that feel more real. he has a lot of flaws but he does actually face the consequences of them and makes an effort to improve, and that's a narrative i can really get behind. i want him to do better!! he's stubborn but he can recognize when he messed up!

also he's so loud about his opinions and i love that for him. keep hating on billionaires <3 yay

All the people I ship romantically with this character

halollie i am so sold on you. the fact BOTH of you consider that gay ass roadtrip the best moment of your life? sickening. you are so in love.

olliedinah i have less developed thoughts again but i think they're very fun to witness.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

mia dearden!! it is deeply important to me that he is the girldad of all time. i don't really have much to add except that you should read ga 2001. every time they're on page together it's just. aughhh i experience the full range of emotions i love them so so much. curls up and dies.

My unpopular opinion about this character

he is a better dad than bruce wayne. actually green arrow > batman is just true. in general.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

ooo honestly i don't think i've read enough of his comics to feel strongly about this. but uhh did they ever end up doing anything with the reveal at the end of archer's quest that ollie did know connor was his son all along? that feels like a plot point that should have been followed up on, probably.

whew that got long. thanks again for the ask :]

[ruvviks]

// oc smash or pass.

tagged by; @adelaidedrubman and @roseeway, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @lestatlioncunt, @elgaravel, @ncytiri, @dickytwister and YOU!

rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

QUICK FACTS.

full name: vitali matveyevich dobrynin

height: 1.77m

age: 29 (as of april 2077)

gender: trans man

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: gay (but it's like. whatever)

PROS.

dedicated and caring; he has a lot of experience and thus is very thoughtful, both for one night stands as well as in a relationship :]

great listener, can keep any conversation going; will also remember small details from conversations and acts accordingly (for example you mention something you always wanted to have and he will buy it for you as a surprise next week)

incredibly charismatic and loves complimenting people :] he is very good at making you feel loved

sexy as all hell. i mean look at him. he's got tattoos too and also a lot of body hair. one day i'll draw a better body ref for him

a lot more down to earth than he may seem since he's a corpo boy; he loves to just hang out and he's on the same level as his mercenaries who are also his best friends, he Does run a fixer business but also it feels more like a collaborative thing rather than him being in charge of it all. does that make sense. he's not power hungry is what i'm trying to say

CONS.

workaholic :( he makes very long hours at the office 5-6 days a week so unless you work with him you won't see him a lot during the day

stubborn as hell. getting into actual arguments with him is pretty difficult since he's not quick to anger but he will hold on to his own opinion very tightly. sorry. also takes grudges to his grave

appears very aloof which makes it seem like he doesn't care. you will need to point this out for him because he will NOT realize. ever

i already listed workaholic but i'm mentioning it again he is married to his job as a fixer you will just have to take it. there's no way you could ever make him quit

ex smoker who now smokes fake cigarettes and also you need to keep him on a child leash every time there's alcohol around. he will spiral fast

OTHER.

loves sex and will basically do whatever, he's into a lot. likes getting freaky with it but can also stay vanilla. insanely good at eating people out ^_^

open to have an open relationship situation going on with you so you can both kiss other people from time to time if you feel like it in the club or something

he can ALSO be your toxic manipulative princess if you want him to be. you just have to make him worse first but it's entirely possible. the sex will be out of this world but so will the 2am screaming matches

[officialmichaelnesmith]

i think i’m bound to always arrive late and answer back late because i get distracted by other things but here i am again!! first of all, i love that you called me your favourite anon, you seem so nice! and second, i wish i knew a LOT of Beatles lore but the one that threw me off the most is the ‘circle jerk’ which means they were… uhm.. pleasuring themselves and naming people they would want to sleep with i think? i heard john lennon said winston churchill.. i don’t know if ringo was in the band by that point but they did it with multiple dudes so it’s crazy either way. another one is that george beat someone up who was talking badly about ringo so there you go lmaoo. they were definitely interesting artists ! do you have any crazy monkees facts? i would love to know.

hiii welcome back anon!! <33 so happy to see you again!! you are NEVER too late all of the time in the world is waiting for you

i actually have heard of the infamous beatles circle jerk and also about the winston churchill mention 😭😭 i could never believe it was real but now that i’ve been watching the beatles fandom from afar more frequently since a lot of my circles overlap i’m realizing these guys were FREAKS and i need to study them under a microscope. i cannot wait until the stars align and my beatles fixation comes to me because i’m going to get like one billion times scarier. i never heard this bit about george and ringo though omfgggg honestly from where i stand currently george or ringo is def my fav beatle so i love this that’s so cute 🥹 tbf i would also beat up anyone who was being mean to ringo LMAO

as far as crazy monkees facts go (even though some of these are just fun facts), boy do i have a few!!!

- mike punched a hole in the wall at the beverly hills hotel during an argument with the monkees’ manager don kirshner and his lawyer. after doing this he told the lawyer “that could have been your face, motherfucker”

- peter was known to host MANY many orgies several of which micky attended

- peter also not only admitted to sleeping with a man but he said he topped

- mike’s mother, bette nesmith graham, was the inventor of liquid paper!

- mike actually volunteered to play princess gwen in the episode fairy tale 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 and often would cite it as his favorite ep

- allegedly their movie was given the name ‘head’ so that when bob rafelson and jack nicholson released their next movie ‘easy rider’ they could advertise it with the tagline “from the guys who gave you ‘head’” 😭😭

- mike is directly responsible for the creation of MTV

- there is actually a bit in a monkees episode where mike is using a picture of the beatles as a dartboard and hits ringo in the forehead BWHSHAUSHF

- with the monkees having originated as a fictional band, micky was cast and assigned to be the drummer even though he was actually the only member who really wasn’t familiar with them. peter taught him how to fake it through the pilot and from there he learned to play them :) the instruments they play on the show is a whole thing bc none of them really match up with their actual strengths LOL

ok i’ll stop there so i don’t end up writing a novel but monkees mutuals PLEASE add additions i know you all have some

[ventruevitae]

OC SMASH OR PASS

tagged by @ineed-to-sleep ily <3<3<3

go ahead and consider this a tag if you see it! i can't think of anyone rn + i'll probably be doing these for other ocs anyway so sdgfhhj

--

rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

these images are all over the place don't @ me

BASICS:

Full name: Katerina Irakleidis (That last name gets swapped out every few decades. Most people just call her Kat.)

Age: Looks like she's in her mid-twenties, was actually born in the 20s

Height: 5"3-ish (almost always wearing some sort of heel tbh, it's hard to clock her actual height between that & the hair)

Eyes: green

Gender: cis woman

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual (major preference for masc/butch types gender notwithstanding btw lmao)

PROS:

vampire.

bit of a hard outer shell but if you break through it ohh man, truly one of the most passionate & devoted people you will meet

surprisingly selfless also?

knows how to dress well, you'll always have something pretty on your arm & she'll be so happy if you let her coordinate outfits

you want to see the world burn? cool, so does she. just point her in a direction & tell her who you want dead.

really goddamn good in bed. she knows it too.

money isn't a problem. how did she come by it? don't worry about it darling.

loves physical touch. top contender of the cuddliest vampire in LA currently.

she can teach you how to do some fun swing dance stuff from her fledgling years c: (she knows a ton of partner dance styles & is pretty good at making up steps/choreo on the fly--so yes, you will get those midnight kitchen dances if you so desire)

basically a happy/content kat is someone who likes to get pretty domestic with her partners. she seems like she'd be looking for something flashy, but nope. her biggest desire is really just settling into something peaceful & being called someone's baby.

CONS:

vampire but also a Ventrue. ymmv on how much of a con this is.

see above: ventrue possessiveness. not necessarily your fault, but can & will become your problem.

"hard outer shell" = she can be genuinely prickly & argumentative at times and can leave a fairly negative impression on people. doesn't care if this happens 99% of the time either.

will not be staying with you if her sire is still alive.

actually that probably puts a pretty massive target on your back, sorry.

is probably definitely still hung up on her sort-of-not-really-an-ex. you will never be him, i am sorry. can you blame her though, who's out here getting over nines rodriguez?

she has a sister, which would be a pro except this sister is a lasombra who will regularly fuck up any emotional regulation kat has scraped together after they cross paths (assuming it doesn't get more physical)

chain smokes. dead god she smokes So Much. doesn't matter for health reasons, being dead and all, but still.

[andypantsx3]

Ok Andy this had been on my mind for a while now and I really want to hear your thoughts on this!

So we all know that Shouto is pure husband material, the kinda guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents! But yk all those years of abuse and trauma (our poor bby ;-;) would definitely take a big toll on anyone, right?! So I was reminiscing about the earlier episodes where he is all closed off and cold to everyone, and that really got me thinking... what would dating Shouto REALLY be like.

How much of his behavior in a relationship really be affected by his past? Obviously nobody is perfect and even though our princess man comes close what do you think his shortcomings are as a person/partner? What do you think his toxic traits would be? What could be some of his bad habits? How would he react during an argument? I used to hc that he would be really calm and passive but then I remembered this scene

Ofc us being his partner would change things, but he DOES lash out at times. The police officer hadn't yelled at them, he was just explaining what they did was wrong according to the law (which could be unfair but thats his job) and he straight up called him a slur 💀 (well yk in this society where so many ppl have animal related quirks it probably is a slur? Idk tho). He was sorry later but still. I was so shocked when I internalized the fact that Shouto does infact have quite a temper, even when he's not rude/ aggressive about it. It doesn't make him bad or anything because 9/10 times it's well warranted and I am just a pussy who doesn't handle other's anger well but yk...

WHO WOULD EXPECT A TEMPER FROM THIS LIL FACE?!

I am really wanna take his character and study him under a microscope and I am really interested to see your pov on this. Also don't feel inclined to agree with anything I said if you dont, I asked you precisely cuz I wanted a different way of looking at him from mine.

Btw none of this is to paint him as a bad person or partner because of a few shortcomings or his trauma. We all know he's too precious for that and that would be hypocritical of me especially since I have many of my habits and unhealthy ways of dealing with stuff that I dislike, but I also feel like he has so much angst potential in issues that aren't necessarily rooted in his family but moreso his own personality. Healing is often a "one step forward and three step back journey" and while I hate to watch him struggle, his perseverance gives me a lot of strength. Also obviously people change over the course of time and character development and all that, but we see even after the MASSIVE amounts of character development Bakugo has he still retains a lot of his previous qualities and obviously still struggles with a few things. I wonder if it's similar for Shouto. I wonder what he struggles with 🤔 (idk why I am scared but I don't want ppl to take these dumb sleepy thoughts of mine the wrong way yk lol)

I support my mans rights, his wrongs and everything in between :>

(p.s. I am so sleepy rn I don't even know if any of this is coherent cuz the points are flying all over the place but I hope you get a gist of what I am trying to ask. I love myself some sweet angst when it comes to all my blorbos but when I think of Shouto nothing obvious comes to mind. Also whenever I write even an ask or question like this my respect for writers keeps increasing tenfold! How do you guys write fics at like 4 am and it's still a masterpiece and I can barely string my thoughts together... )

Yes!!! I have so many thoughts about this, particularly as someone who also has daddy issues and a hot temper but actively works to be better as well lol.

I do think for the most part we've really seen Shouto move past who he was in those earlier episodes. That is not to say he still doesn't have those feelings, but he arguably manages them in a more regulated way. He has the temper but now he also has the tools and the perspective to better articulate himself.

I think generally Shouto would work hard to be calm and patient during an argument, but as with any human being, mistakes will be made and tempers will spike. I think during particularly bad arguments he'd get more closed off, like in those earlier episodes, would try to go off by himself so that he doesn't explode with that white-hot rage.

I do think, thankfully, that Shouto's ability to show empathy and compassion even in the middle of what we know are the most emotionally trying times of his life (the fights with Dabi), bodes well for his future ability to communicate and regulate himself on the whole. I do not see him as the kind of man who would yell or break things; I see him as the kind of man who now does everything in his power not to be like that.

And also with a face like that, would we not just let him win any argument anyway?? LOL

[oreo-cookies-fan]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, GUYS! It's Christmas Eve, which is the day when we open gifts in Poland, so behold, a gift for my beloved @thatcrazymind ! Headcanons of our newest mutual ship meeting our first mutual ship. Enjoy!

BERLERMO + CHERIK HEADCANONS

They meet when Berlermo try to recruit some mutants for their Bank of Spain heist.

Berlermo try to convince Cherik to join the gang.

Martin is more nervous about Charles and desperately hides all his Andres-related thoughts deep into his mind while saying the most obscene things. He triggers Erik when he offers Charles a fellatio.

Andres isn’t afraid of either of them, although he knows what both of them are capable of. His escape plan is to say something Charles and Erik don’t see eye to eye about and run away while they’re having an argument.

Martin, talking about colonialism: And that’s why I want to rob the Bank of Spain and bring this shithole of a country to its knees.

Erik: *genuinely considering it*

Charles: Erik, no!

Erik: HE HAS A POINT!

Andres fancies Erik and Charles is amazed by the mental gymnastics going on in his head trying to convince himself that it’s not gay. He almost pities the man.

A few more minutes and Charles decides that Andres is the most fascinating person on the Earth when it comes to mental illnesses. He would love to study him under a microscope.

Charles, mentally to Erik: Fascinating. This man genuinely believes everything he’s saying. Even though everything he’s saying is bullshit!

Andres and Erik bond over their mommy issues.

Meanwhile:

Charles: And then he left me and got to prison and I became an addict.

Martin: Why does it sound familiar?

(+ bonus:

Martin: Turtlenecks.

Charles: IKR?!)

Andres: You are such great friends! I myself understand the gift of amazing friendship. *stares lovingly at Martin*

Charles: Actually, we’re married.

Andres: What?

Erik: And divorced.

Charles: Thrice.

Erik: Officially. We broke up on many other occasions.

Andres: *starts having a nosebleed*

[kuvvydraws]

Based off that train post- How does Praetorius feel about humans that don’t follow the rules of their own like signs in public and the like? Does he not care as long as monsters (and himself) are unaffected by whatever outcome comes of not following those rules? Does he have opinions about it or is it not even a concern with whatever else he has to do initially surfacing? (I’m so interested in Praetorius, I want to study him under a microscope)

[This is a long one, I had a lot of fun with this]

As one of the personifications of rules Underground, Praetorius happens to like them a lot — that tends to happen when you say jump and everyone else immediately asks how high. The issue about power is that it's so easy to abuse it, and in a society caged by aristocratic and semi-tyrannical laws very few individuals have the chance to take it. Enforcing new policies is easy, because there's virtually no one to oppose new ideas, and because those who could don't really have the expertise to make a solid argument against the new ideological current.

Some of the members of the Court reached their positions by birthright, the rest climbed up there by merit, through intelligence, violence, ranks or feats.

Once Praetorius becomes the Commander, he also becomes the highest security authority, and thus he starts implementing such rules unopposed. He watches the Underground change by his hand, he sees the good, he sees the occasions where he must backtrack... It's still a powerful feeling.

Aboveground, things are a lot more complex. Bureaucracy is a thing. So are departments, and subsections, Secretaries and Governors and the likes. The abuse of power looks quite different, and you have to keep jumping through hoops just to get the smallest thing done... It's a hassle.

When it comes to rules, Praetorius is fundamentally in their favor. He likes rules. He thinks they're there for a reason. He knows someone made that rule and put it there because otherwise something bad would happen.

He also understands other people are idiots, so some rules might not make sense. He's not not a hypocrite. And some rules are dumb. It's all based on his own personal criteria, so he might be tooting his own horn, but he truly believes he's in the right, so that's the end of the argument. Because other people are idiots. And he's not one.

In the spirit of collaboration, Praetorius does care, in theory, about rules and citizens regardless of their species. He becomes a public figure the moment monster Surface, and he wants to gain the same reputation he already had as fast as possible — which is a bit harder now that he's not allowed to beat up people on the street.

He manages.

Eventually, since it's really difficult to mistake him — literal representation of Death dressed in a military uniform coming down the street looking like he could rip your entire spine off and extract it from your throat — from anyone else, Praetorius does gain some of his remarkable notoriety back. Not many monsters dare share his infamous acts and brutality willy-nilly with humans, it's more of a need-to-know secret, but once word gets out about how there's a beast buried in his marrow even humans start threading carefully around him. Just because he's abiding to "human rights" and "laws" on the Surface doesn't mean he's scared to use monster law to his advantage.

No one wants to risk that, and the way monsters behave around him is contagious, so humans learn relatively quickly to mimic that carefulness.

Praetorius is a curious guy, and on top of his monster law knowledge — because he either wrote or improved the rules himself — he busies himself studying human law. In the end, he has to know the patterns human society beats to, so studying the moral backbone of the collective seems like a good place to start as any.

Eventually, foreseeing the eventual merging of monster and human civilizations, Praetorius' drive is to keep himself at the peak of the food chain, if not as the Monster Commander, maybe as a New Ebott's Commissary, or whatever title would mean he's the top dog people answer to.

[yansurnummu]

Nine people you'd like to know better

tagged by @thana-topsy! thank you for this! <3

3 ships all of the ships that have me right now are eso and either oc/ oc or oc/canon lol oops Drals/Azandar: my catty old queens... ugh I just love how their dynamic is shaping up in my fic. I don't want to spoil too much since I still have a ton I haven't posted, but some of my favourite scenes I've written with them is weirdly the ones where they're having arguments and things get worse before they get better. It's just been so fun to explore Drals' inner conflict of not believing he deserves nice things, and then Azandar comes in with a fuckin sledgehammer like he's on HGTV like "ok we've gotta take down ALL THESE WALLS" Asha-ammu/Donobhan: they are so special to me <3 I love vampire/human dynamics in general, but so often the vampires are the smooth, sexy ones (not to say Asha isn't incredibly sexy, they're just Nervous) so it's been fun to explore how Asha being autistic and aromantic intersect with them being a vampire. Also Don is a sweetheart and I love him a lot. probably the healthiest dynamic of all my ships. Sadryn/Ember: honourable mention because I haven't really talked about them here at all, but my gf and I have talked a lot about them and they've been sneaking back into my thoughts again. it's one of those relationships where u just wanna grab her by the shoulders and go "GIRL WHAT ARE U THINKING, HE'S DUMB AS ROCKS & THE ONLY THING HE OWNS IS A DIRTY MATTRESS ON THE FLOOR" but she just thinks he's such a fun silly lil guy and wants to put him in a petri dish and study his red flags under a microscope I guess the pattern is that I loooove conflict & drama and when ships are messy and complicated!!

First ship good god... this is fitting because my gf and I were JUST talking about weeb phases and how I was a kid during that like 2006-2010 weaboo golden age of deviantart & pirating anime LOL. I can't remember exactly but I'm sure it was naruto? probably narusasu or something

Last song early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance (this is my comfort album and I'm not sorry)

Currently reading I finally started reading the Drizzt books, though so far I have mixed feelings about it. we'll see if I keep going!

Last film my parents made me watch Terminator because I'd never seen it LOL (I'm really bad when it comes to movies... there's a LOT I haven't seen, especially when it comes to the last 10 years or so)

Currently craving ough I want banh mi sooooo bad. I'm on week 3 of recovering from a slipped disk in my back and it's also been snowing here so I have not exactly been eating well :( (I will live I'm not like starving lol I'm just that flavour of ADHD where if I eat the same thing too often/ too many times in a row my brain tries to kill me)

I tag @tilliphont @aviel-the-trans-bucket @toastannas @sassyfahliil @sniperviper @shadylex and @caliblorn if y'all want to! and anyone else who feels like it :)

[chryseis]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

This took me the whole day to respond to, because I usually cringe at the idea of rereading my own writing lmao. Okay, in no particular order:

come from the holy fire

I would like to study Roy Mustang under a microscope, but this fic is the closest I'll get. The argument he has with Hughes in the second chapter is one of my favourite bits of dialogue I've ever written.

in the lost myth of true love

I generally write the messier, damaged sides to Riza and Roy, so writing something much more tender was a nice change of pace. Their conversation about choices had floated around in my head for a while before I wrote it down, and I like the way it turned out.

there's nothing you can do (it's already been done)

It's very possible that this is my favourite fanfic of my own. Kimblee is such a weird character to write, but in such a rewarding way. I have a headcanon that that Riza was under Kimblee's command during the war, and would have stayed that way if he hadn't gone to prison (I will definitely return to this thought one day). Writing this and going really, really dark while also staying true to canon was very fun. Also, I wrote this not too long after getting into Ethel Cain, and it shows lmao.

breathe, darling, breathe in deep for me

Surprise, not FMA! I wrote this in 2018, but it remains one of my favourites. Someone asked me to write something like this way back in my ff.net days as a kid (2009ish), so when I started writing Deltora Quest again, it was a topic that I really wanted to tackle. Jasmine has been a favourite character of mine for, my god, around twenty years?? I like to think that my greatest strength as a writer is characterisation, and I really think I did right by Jasmine in this.

we'll go down together

This one is very short, but I think it really captures the way I personally view Roy and Riza, especially during the war. It was also adapted in to a fantastically well done podfic, which was very flattering.

[godtears]

Man we went to the grocery store that deals me psychic damage and I was running off a few hours sleep and half a piece of toast and a quarter of an Arizona green tea. And I'm just trying to enjoy at least the fact that I got out, got some fresh air, got to spend time with my partner and friend who drove us thankfully, and just generally feel better than previously. But my stress and anxiety and panic were shooting upwards at high speeds and then I get???? A message???? From someone who was mad because MONTHS AGO I had said "oh yeah I let my kid say fuck" and they came at me like "oh so you let your kid say racist slurs too?" and that pissed me off, so I came back a little harshly about how fucking insulting and ridiculous it was to say that to me because that's just how I felt. And I moved on. But apparently they, months later, still had me living rent free in their head. So they messaged me, while I'm in the middle of taking +10 per 1s psychic damage, like "hi you silly weirdo goose! How are you?" and that quickly turned into "I want to study you under a microscope and keep you in a jar to watch you because you're fascinating to me on the level as actual hateful bigots who are racist and ableist and etc" and they talked about a trans woman in a way that was lowkey transphobic. And I'm like yo wtf Cuz the way they worded it sounded like they legit knew my address and was about to dox me and sent someone to fucking like kill me or something over this shit. And the whole time I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK THIS PERSON WAS. but they kept going on in a creepy cutesy way of like wanting to study me like an insect, and at this point I'm so stressed out I'm trying not to cry in public, they're insulting my memory because I couldn't remember who they are (why the fuck would I?) and they're just generally being absolutely horrid towards me and scaring me a little so. I'm like "you keep insisting that I know you, I don't, so either send proof that we've interacted before or I'm blocking you" and they send the fucking screenshot of me being like "that's a stupid fucking strawman argument, you sound like a childish puritan, and you've pissed me off by making that rude assumption about my parenting so fuck off lol" (paraphrased obviously). The whole time I was BEGGING them to explain to me who the fuck they were CuZ I was confused and scared, and they were laughing at me and making fun of me for being confused and scared and stressed out. It was fucking cruel and disgusting.

Turns out they were just pissed off because they, in their own head, think saying fuck is the same as saying a slur. They said slurs and swears are the same. THEY ARE NOT. But because they made up that rule in their head, they decided because I didn't follow their made up rule, I deserved to be harassed relentlessly into almost having a panic attack in the middle of a grocery store. I apologized for saying what I said harshly before, but that I still stood my ground that what they said was super rude and out of line and that I had responded harshly because it very much hurt my feelings and offended me. And I said they were stepping way out of line and was NOT an appropriate reaction to that at all in any capacity and that they were still very much in the wrong for that behavior. That I was already tired and in a bad mood from being forced to sit in the ER from 8pm to 2am.

They said "oh this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to I'm sorry" like yeah okay, whatever, still blocking. How do you think attacking someone like that turns out? Seriously? I don't get people who do that shit. I don't understand what they gain from it. It's messed up.