#I was initially going to do something simpler so that I could spend more time working on other stuff

[ferronickel]

I promised to draw something for anyone who could identify the movie Susie and Ralsei are watching in the last couple pages of Looking Glasses. @bleakoutlo correctly identified The Monster that Challenged the World, and had the very good suggestion of doing my own B-movie poster, which I may have gone a little overboard on.

[flameshadowconjuring]

I did not have high expectations (mechanically) for the Stormlight/Cosmere rpg, same as with any IP tie-in game, so I was pleasantly surprised when I read the beta rules. From what I have read, I would rather run or play in the Cosmere rpg than the three rpgs that I have played extensively (DnD 5e, FFG Star Wars, Pathfinder 2e). I am going to be comparing the Cosmere rpg to these three frames of reference of mine, and explain what I like about it. This is all theory for now, though I will run the Bridge 9 one-shot in a couple of weeks for my playgroup. And yes, I know that most of the Cosmere rpg ain't novel. Beyond borrowing from 2-3 of my three frames of reference, the initiative is basically the one from 'Shadow of the Demon Lord', etc.

I have mixed feelings about the plot die. I don't actually like narrative mechanics in the first place. That being said, no system I've played was devoid of mechanics I dislike, and the plot die is (almost) the least objectionable a core narrative mechanic could be for me, beyond nonexistence. The obvious point of comparison for me is obviously the Star Wars system. The plot die's opportunity and complication are basically analogous to SW's triumph/advantage and despair/threat. In addition to that, the lead designer of the Cosmere rpg, Andrew Fischer, also worked on the SW system.

I think that the plot die is better than the Star Wars dicepool mechanic in every possible way. First of all, the plot die is an opt-in kind of deal. Barring a few player abilities (the existence of which is my only criticism of the plot die), the GM decides whether it gets rolled or not, with the rules advising the GM to use it roughly 30% of the time, specifically in exciting moments. In Star Wars, every roll produces these narrative effects. Yes, technically, 1s and 20s also produce complications and opportunities in the Cosmere rpg, but the designers added them because people played like that was already the case because of how they are used to crits from other games. A tenth chance of one of these is much lower than almost 100% like in SW. Anyway, the point is that when we played the Star Wars system, having to come up with narrative stuff on every roll was a chore, rather than fun and exciting. Sometimes I would get a triumph on a roll for a routine check, and rather than that being exciting, it was more like 'uhh, what does this even mean?'. Sure, there are mechanical ways in Star Wars to spend advantages and threats and so on. What tended to happen in combat though was that unless you used advantages to crit someone or auto-fire, you just used it to give someone else a bonus die. And the most likely result from a bonus die beyond a blank was getting an advantage. The same principle happened out of combat, where we often took strain for threats and regained for advantages. A lot of abstract resources were pushed around, with a negligible net effect. Certainly not something worth that giant hassle. Also, sometimes you would get a triumph effect and three threats. That was always hard to interpret.

Secondly, the plot die is way simpler, which has a whole host of benefits. In SW, there are six different narrative dice with specialized symbols. You have to buy a lot of overpriced plastic to even play the game. The plot die of the Cosmere is a single d6. Sure, its nicer to use the custom one you can buy from Brotherwise, but the beta rules advise on how to use a normal d6 for the plot die. 1,2 are complications, with a bonus to your roll equal to twice what you rolled (+2 or +4), 3,4 are blanks, and 5,6 are opportunities. That is easy to remember, since higher numbers=better narrative result. While you could technically do the same with SW, the fact that there are six of them, including d12s, makes it completely impractical. Also, the dice in SW have either only all positive effects or only all negative effects. If you are gonna do this entire narrative crap, at least do interesting stuff with it, like higher chance of success but with negative narrative effect. Those make for better stories and better game design. And oh look, that is exactly what the plot die does. So, yeah. In case you couldn't tell, I hate the action resolution dicepool mechanic of SW.

I really like the progression system of the Cosmere rpg, with the exception of using milestone advancement (though its inclusion's suckery is mitigated by the goal/reward thing). It is actually conceptually very simple, but very flexible, meaning there is a lot of meaningful choice without overwhelming a new player. Every level, you get (in addition to a couple other things) one talent from one of your skill trees, called paths. I am currently a player in a Pf2e campaign, and leveling up is a chore rather than fun. Different levels give you different kinds of feats, so it is not very straight forward. It also takes a long time to read all the feats I qualify for, most of which don't even interest me. Also, it is very easy in Pathfinder to screw up if you don't plan out your characters progression in advance. When I started, I took the ranger's crossbow feat. Turns out that was a trap: no other feats actually help crossbows, and most of the good ranger feats require you to attack multiple times or in melee, neither of which a crossbow is made for. In a skill tree system like Cosmere, it is very easy to identify what talents I can take, and I can immediately see whether a talent is something I can build on by seeing how many talents are further down from it.

Star Wars also uses skill trees, but you basically get one big tree with a lot of filler talents you have to take to progress, but which you aren't actually interested in. The Cosmere rpg has a stronger focus on mixing and matching from different trees, with trees going less deep, having less filler. That looks more fun to me. This in-built multipathing is really cool. Multiclassing in DnD 5e was an afterthought, and is either very suboptimal or very broken, with barely anything in-between. I like how the Cosmere rpg is like 'hey, most characters fit multiple archetypes, lets reflect that in the game by not only supporting multiclassing from the ground up, but also actively encourage it'. Also the one talent per level thing makes leveling very manageable from a complexity standpoint.

Moving on to the magic, I really like that PCs don't start out magical. You earn your cool powers through play. Also, they said that they balanced the heroic (non-magical) and invested (magical) paths against each other, so that it is perfectly valid to only take talents from heroic paths and those who take invested path talents will often alternate between those and heroic ones. If true, that sounds awesome. And of course, the magic is Sanderson magic, so its really good. The best way to encourage creativity in players is to give them a smallish list of options, but have these options be very flexible. That is exactly how the Stormlight magic system works, with characters being closer to superheroes than DnD spellcasters. I think that is way more interesting. One of the frustrating things with DnD 5e is that the magic is never explained in a way that the GM can intuit how it works. Instead, they just spell out exactly what any given spell does, making them very rigid. Spellcasters have too many options, each of which is super rigid. Worst of both worlds. With the Cosmere, though I am not an arcanist superfan, I do understand the magic well enough that I am confident in adjudicating creative uses of powers (which the system explicitly supports!). Investiture, which is basically mp, is also just so much cleaner than spellslots, a vestigial leftover from vancian magic that the DnD designers were too cowardly to kill completely.

Finally, combat. I dislike armor class, so I am a big fan of armor just reducing damage, like the soak value in SW or DR in Gurps. The initiative system has me most excited to be honest. I think it will really speed up combat in multiple ways. For one, there is no die rolling and writing down initiative values and ordering them. Players basically just say when they want to do their turn. This also should make them more attentive, since they can't just wait for the GM to call their name. It also means that players can guarantee to go after each other, so that should encourage cooperation and teamwork. The distinction between fast two-action turns and slow three-action turns looks like it will force players to make a meaningful choice every turn. Overall, looks like a simple, clean and fast initiative system. The two-three actions remind me of Pf2e, though notably the reaction is much more relevant in the Cosmere rpg.

The graze rule, where a character on a miss can still spend 1 focus to deal their weapon's damage dice to their target, is very interesting. My initial instinct was to think that it is really OP. It would probably be a really OP rule if armor did not reduce damage, but given that it has gone through extensive playtesting, I assume that it is actually balanced. Assuming it is balanced, I think its pretty cool, since it means that you still managed to do something, even if you missed your one attack of the round. Makes it less frustrating.

So yeah, those were my main thoughts on the Cosmere rpg. It is not my most anticipated rpg, but I do intend to back and run it and am also really looking forward to the world guide as a fan of the books.

[echo-goes-mmm]

Ambrose and Elliot #13

Masterpost

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Warnings: implied past torture

Ambrose didn’t want to get up. His bed was too warm and cozy and the world outside was too cold and sad. And he wasn’t sure how to tackle last night’s… situation. He dealt with a lot of… uncomfortable problems before, but handling a murder was far simpler than Elliot’s complicated and frankly horrific history. 

 Ambrose needed to get ahead of it. Sooner rather than later. 

He slipped out from underneath the covers, and pulled on some warmer clothes. The weather had cooled off more than expected. 

Elliot was by his door with a mug of chamomile tea. Just how Ambrose liked it. And the bathrobe Elliot had borrowed hung on the coat rack. Definitely sooner than later.

Ambrose took the mug from Elliot. 

“Thank you, love. Have you eaten breakfast?” asked Ambrose. He dug through his dresser, looking for some more clothes Elliot could borrow. 

“Yes, sir. Bread with butter and jam.”

“Good job,” He handed Elliot the change of clothes. “How about you wear these? Katie should have something for you later today, but you should get something clean right now.”

“Yes, sir.” Elliot began to pull off his shirt.

“No, I mean… How about you change and I’ll go get something to eat. I’ll meet you downstairs, alright?” Elliot paused.

“Um. Okay.”

Off to a good start. Or at least, a better start. How did Elliot know how Ambrose took his tea? Hmm. He needed to be more observant. It wasn’t a particularly harmful practice, but it was the principle of the thing. 

One day at a time, he told himself. You can’t take care of everything at once.

Bread with butter and jam did sound pretty good.

Elliot came downstairs as Ambrose was finishing up.

“Good idea on breakfast. And thank you for the tea, it was kind of you to make it for me. You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to.” Elliot flushed a little, and the twitch of his mouth told Ambrose that was the right move. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you last night. I shouldn’t have.” He took a long sip of the tea, focusing on the way it warmed him, the scent, the taste. He thought over what to say next.

“Yesterday, when I said we could relax, I meant we didn’t have any work to do. That we could spend time however we wanted. I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

Elliot looked down at the table, as if being chastised. That wasn’t ideal, but right now Ambrose needed to tackle the big problems.

“I’m sorry, sir. I’ll do better. Is… is there another way I can be helpful to you?” 

Redirecting Elliot’s nervous energy couldn’t hurt. Maybe having something to do could prevent another… incident. Like a distraction.

“Well… I suppose there are a few chores that would go faster with some help. If you don't mind, of course.”

Elliot’s eyes lit up. 

As they worked through the day, Ambrose noticed that Elliot seemed more confident in his movements. Cheerful, even. And his strength was returning. He could carry more wood to the shed, he walked without a sway or stumble, and he only needed a break once more than Ambrose. Good.

Elliot was practically delighted to dust the windows (which Ambrose hadn’t gotten to yesterday), and jumped at the chance to help prepare that night's dinner. Why? What was so special about being ordered around like a-

Oh.

Elliot had been someone’s slave. He’d probably been told exactly what to do at all times. Ambrose wasn’t distracting him with tasks at all. Elliot wasn't just compelled to obey, wasn't just nervous without directions, he had a conditioned need to be useful, and Ambrose had told him how.

Last night was a direct result of Ambrose unintentionally letting him stew in uncertainty for the past week. He was taking initiative, because Ambrose didn’t. He’d latched on to an otherwise innocuous comment because it gave him an in. A purpose. 

Fuck. 

He couldn’t just tell Elliot “everything you’ve been taught is wrong and your purpose in life is to be happy”, as if that would magically solve his problems. 

But Elliot was happy, right now, anyway. Ambrose wasn’t going to take that from him. 

It’s not like Elliot had any hobbies. What was Ambrose supposed to tell him? ‘Sit alone in your room and do nothing?’

After all, Ambrose built Hearthwood just to have something to do. He liked working; he didn’t need the money. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Sure, Elliot’s enthusiasm came from fear, but maybe in the long term, Ambrose could help him mold it into a more positive thing. 

Baby steps.

___________________

Master Ambrose had given him chores. The sheer relief soothed his mind like a balm. He could sink back into thoughtlessness and Ambrose would care about him like his old master never had. 

And this new rule- ‘no sex’- lifted a weight in his chest Elliot didn’t know he had. 

Elliot cleaned the windows until they sparkled. He helped carry more wood to the shed, and Ambrose was so pleased with him. 

It was so simple. The world was too complicated for a thing like Elliot, and now he didn’t have to deal with it. Just do as Ambrose says. And Ambrose didn’t need complicated seduction or entertainment. He just needed some chores done. Crushing dried spices for Ambrose was infinitely better than getting the whip for his Master’s amusement.

There was a tiny part of him that was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ambrose still hadn’t punished him. Maybe it was because Elliot hadn’t technically broken any rules yet. 

What would happen if he did? What kind of Master was Ambrose? Elliot was on a very long leash, but maybe that leniency meant a severe punishment in return. After all, breaking a rule that was so generous would be a terrible offense. He could imagine how it would go: I’ve been so good to you, and this is how you repay me? Ambrose would take the price of his kindness out of Elliot’s hide, and the leash he was on would grow shorter.

But it was a small part of him, and it was ignorable. 

Katie had dropped off most of his new clothes, and Jennifer and her siblings and delivered the furniture. His room looked really nice now, and Katie had even given him a new green and blue blanket as a present. It was so warm, and he loved it.

Ambrose had been smiling at him all day. After months of no guiding light, he was the sun. 

Elliot hadn’t believed him when Master said everything would be okay, but he did now. 

As long as he didn’t mess it up.

taglist: @cupcakes-and-pain @secretwhumplair @paintedpigeon1 @whump-blog @whump-em @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @starfields08000

[nerdzzone]

Worlds Apart

Chapter Two

Summary: Single mom, Bridget Clark, thought that she was fine by herself. Moving her son to a new town and out of the hustle and bustle of Boston, she thought that life would be quieter and simpler, but a chance encounter with a certain Hollywood actor only a week after their big move had her questioning everything. Bridget was faced with the ultimate decision of head vs heart, but would letting her guard down prove to be worth the risk?

Series Masterlist

—–

There was something about the mysterious woman that he kept running into that Chris couldn’t shake from his mind.

She was beautiful - he couldn’t deny that - but he’d met many attractive women in his life that never had the instant hold on him that she did. Even after their brief exchange at the grocery store, he went home with his mind full of questions and curiosity about who she was. When he’d seen her at the park, he couldn’t resist striking up a conversation and when they parted ways, her number in his phone caught his attention more often than he was proud to admit as he debated whether or not it would be inappropriate to use it himself instead of just for the intended purpose of passing it onto his sister. It had almost felt like fate when they met the third time. He hadn’t realized it was her when he pulled over to help the poor soul who was stranded with a broken down car in the middle of a rain storm, but as soon as he recognized her familiar face he felt an unignorable flicker of excitement at the opportunity to offer his assistance once again. 

And it proved to be well worth his time.

She was funny and interesting and he appreciated the fact that she didn’t seem to care at all about what he did for a living or the fact that he was so well-known. The conversations they had while they waited for the tow truck had been refreshing and fun and he was happy to be able to relax and be himself for a little while instead of being forced to put on the façade that he usually had to keep up around new people. There were times when she was a little reserved - moments when she’d opened up, but quickly pulled back - but that only made him more intrigued to break down any walls she was putting up. He was eager to see her again, but after letting her linger on his mind for just over a week, he decided not to leave it up to chance.

When he'd given Bridget’s number to Carly, he’d played it pretty cool. He explained that the kids had befriended Landon at the park and that Landon’s mother had asked him to pass her on her phone number because she was interested in setting up another playdate for the kids. He didn’t mention that he was the one who suggested it and he tried his best to seem uninterested in the outcome of the situation. When he spoke to Carly the week after his last encounter with Bridget, he casually fished for information and found himself relieved when she informed him that she would be spending the following Tuesday afternoon with her new potential friend. He was glad that Carly had taken the initiative to organize something with Landon and Bridget, but he was also glad that it provided him with the perfect plan to ‘accidentally’ force their next meeting.

However, by the time he’d worked up the courage to go through with his plan to show up at Carly’s house, it appeared he was a little too late. Just as he got up to the front door, it swung open as Bridget and Landon were clearly ready to leave. The shock at seeing him - or anyone - standing on the doorstep was clear on Bridget’s face, but once the startlement passed, she flashed him a smile.

“Chris, hi.”

“Chris?” He heard Carly question before she moved to a place where she could see out the door. “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the area so I thought I’d stop by,” Chris informed her, keeping his tone casual. “You were talking about that tap in your bathroom that keeps leaking so I thought I could take a look at it for you.”

“Um, okay…” Carly raised an eyebrow. “Usually my husband handles those kinds of things around here, but if you’re welcome to take a look at it if you really want to.”

“I know he’s been busy lately,” Chris shrugged, hoping his excuse for stopping by was at least a little bit believable. “And you know I like to help out when I have some free time.”

Carly still looked skeptical in a way that had Chris relieved Bridget was standing in front of her and was unaware of Carly's suspicion and he smiled as a smirk slid onto her face.

“Oh, do you moonlight as a handyman when you’re not acting?”

“Yeah,” Chris chuckled. “I’ve gotta find a way to pay the bills between gigs somehow.”

“Well, if you need some extra work then I have an entire house that needs painting,” she teased. “But I’m not sure I could afford your rate.”

“I’m pretty reasonable,” Chris assured her. “That sounds like a pretty big job, but I could probably help you out if you buy me a drink when we’re done.”

She looked taken aback by his offer and for a moment Chris worried that he’d taken her joking too far and been too forward, but he relaxed when the smile quickly slid back onto her face.

“That sounds fair, I’ll definitely consider it,” Bridget informed him. “It is a big job, but I’ll have to start soon because the boss is getting impatient.”

She ruffled Landon’s hair as she spoke and he glanced up at her with a sheepish grin before turning to Chris.

“My room’s gonna be blue!” He told him, the excitement clear in his voice. “But Mommy’s being really slow.”

The dramatic sigh that followed his words earned a laugh from Carly and Chris as Bridget rolled her eyes.

“Mommy’s too busy taking care of you,” she reminded him. “And speaking of, we should get going. We have to register for Little League tonight.”

Landon’s eyes lit up as soon as Bridget mentioned where they were heading and Chris smiled at the sight of the child’s sudden excitement as he commented, “That sounds like fun. Do you like baseball?”

“I love it!” Landon nodded enthusiastically. “It’s my favourite!”

“He’s been obsessed with it almost his whole life,” Bridget smiled. “And now he’s finally old enough to join a team.”

“That’s great! I bet you’re gonna have so much fun!”

“I know I am,” Landon confidently informed him, earning a laugh from his mother as he tugged on her arm. “C’mon, let’s go!”

“We’ve got time,” she assured him despite the way she let him pull her out the door. “But it was nice to see you again, Chris! And Carly, it was great to finally meet you.”

“You too,” Carly smiled. “Text me the information about Friday and we’ll see you there.”

Bridget promised her that she would before saying her goodbyes and letting Landon drag her back to their car. Chris watched them go before stepping into Carly’s house, waiting for her to shut the door behind him before he asked, “What’s happening on Friday?”

“A book fair for the kids at the library.”

He was slightly disappointed that it wasn’t something he could tag along to, but he tried to keep his displeasure off his face.

“Oh, nice. That’ll be good for them.”

“Yeah, it will be,” Carly nodded, but as she crossed her arms and watched him closely, a sigh fell from her lips. “Chris, you need to be careful.”

Her warning was unexpected and had Chris’ brow furrowing in confusion.

“About what?”

“About Bridget,” Carly quickly clarified. “They’re a package deal - her and Landon - you need to know what you’re getting into before you start anything.”

Caught off guard by what she was implying, Chris felt his jaw drop slightly as he floundered to find the words he needed to defend himself.

“What?” He questioned. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not stupid,” Carly smiled. “When have you ever come over here to fix something? I know it’s not a coincidence that you showed up when I told you that she’d be here.”

“It was a coincidence,” he insisted even though it sounded weak even to him. “You sounded stressed about the tap and I thought I might be able to help.”

“Do you even know anything about plumbing?”

“No,” Chris shrugged. “But I could tighten something if it’s loose.”

“I’m not buying it,” Carly laughed. “She told me how excited she was when you asked for her number so that we could meet up.”

“Only to give it to you!”

“Yeah, but you told me that she asked you to pass it on, not that you suggested it,” Carly pointed out and Chris realized that he should have expected his sister would figure him out as fast as she had. “Are you really telling me that you don’t think she’s cute?”

“Well, yeah, of course I do. I’m not blind, I can tell when a woman’s attractive,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “And she seems really nice, but it’s not like that. I barely know her.”

“But you’d like to?”

Carly was biting back a smirk as she posed the question and Chris rolled his eyes at how much she was enjoying watching him squirm.

“Maybe,” he relented. “We seem to get along pretty well, I’ve enjoyed the small amount of time that I’ve spent with her.”

And I can’t get her off my mind, he thought to himself but chose not to voice as Carly clearly didn’t need any more encouragement.

“That’s why you need to be careful,” Carly informed him, circling back to her earlier warning. “She’s a mom, Landon will always be her number one priority. If you get involved with her then you’re taking on that responsibility too so you have to take all that into consideration before you try anything.”

It wasn’t something that he’d put a lot of thought into. He liked kids - and Landon seemed pretty sweet from what he’d seen - so it didn't put him off too much, but he hadn’t really thought about the responsibility that could come with dating someone who had a child. It seemed presumptuous to worry about it before anything had even happened between them, but it also wasn’t fair to start something just to realize it was more than he could handle - which he realized was what Carly was trying to convey. Pursuing anything with Bridget would be more complicated and require much more careful thought than the previous relationships he’d been in. Usually, things started off casual and fun until everyone figured out what they wanted and then things shifted into something more serious or dissipated entirely, but with Bridget, he needed to think about whether the non-negotiable parts of her life could fit into his before he got anyone’s hopes up.

“You’re right,” he agreed. “But I don’t even know if she’s interested. I don’t even really know if I’m interested yet. I barely know her.”

“I saw you two making eyes at each other,” Carly smiled slyly. “And you practically asked her out by offering to paint her house if she buys you a drink. I think it’s safe to say you’re both interested in something.”

“Shut up,” Chris chuckled, his teasing tone softening the harshness of his rude comeback. “I think you need to mind your own business.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll stay out of it,” Carly relented, holding her hands up in defeat before changing the subject. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Sure, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Carly assured him. “And while I start cooking, you can look at that tap.”

“I dunno,” Chris smirked. “As you said, I don’t really know anything about plumbing. Maybe we should leave it to the experts.”

His words had Carly snorting out a laugh of disbelief as she playfully shoved his shoulder.

“You’re such a bad liar,” she teased him as she led him into the kitchen. “For an actor, you really aren’t very convincing.”

Chris chuckled, but didn’t argue as he followed her, knowing that it was probably true. He just hoped that Bridget was unfamiliar with him enough to be fooled by his excuse for showing up that afternoon.

-

Hey, it’s Chris! I hope you don’t mind me reaching out, but I just wanted to let you know that my offer to do some painting was genuine if you’d like some help.

He’d read the message over probably a hundred times. It had taken him longer than he wanted to admit to even figure out what to say and once it was sent, he found himself agonizing over whether he should have phrased it differently. The longer she went without answering, the more disappointed and rejected he was beginning to feel, but he tried to console himself with the fact that it was Friday and Carly had mentioned there was an event at the library that could be keeping her away from her phone.

He’d spent the last few days doing as his sister had suggested and giving some serious thought to what he was potentially getting himself into. He knew that asking out a woman who had a child would come with some different challenges than he was used to facing in a relationship. Bridget’s priority would always be her son and that meant there would be times when she would have to be less flexible and he’d have to be more accommodating than he was potentially used to. However, Chris realized that he was willing to accept that. He’d always wanted a family and knew that a time would come in his life when he had to work around his wife and children and while he wasn’t going to get ahead of himself enough to think that Bridget and Landon could be those people, he didn’t find that the thought of the potential sacrifices he might have to make if he got involved with Bridget to be much of a deterrent. 

However, he was very aware that the potential sacrifices that people he dated often had to make to be a part of his life could be a deterrent for Bridget. He knew there were downsides to his level of fame and that those downsides often affected everyone in his life. Whether she was willing to accept that was a decision that she would have to make herself and the longer his message went unanswered, the more he thought that perhaps she’d weighed up the pros and cons and come to a different conclusion than he had. He could understand if she had, but he hoped that his message had been indirect enough to earn a response even if it was something noncommittal - at least it would tell him where he stood.

By the time the evening hit - several hours after he’d sent her the message - her lack of response had him resigning himself to the fact that he would have to take a hint. It was a bit of a blow to his ego and definitely a disappointment, but he tried to be understanding as he sank down onto his couch. However, just as he was about to reach out to a few of his friends to see if anyone had any plans that he could partake in as a distraction, his phone pinged with an incoming text. He felt an immediate flicker of excitement in his stomach as he hurried to read the message and his heart felt like it was in his throat as soon as he saw Bridget’s name.

Hey! Sorry for the late reply, busy day. I think I already owe you enough favours, I can’t really ask you to paint my house for me too…

At first, the message had all the anticipation draining from Chris’ body as fast as it had hit him. It read exactly like the vague letdown that he’d half expected, but before he could spiral too much, another text came through.

But it is a really big job so I would absolutely be grateful of any help. I’m gonna work on it tomorrow afternoon so feel free to stop by, but no pressure!

There was a brief moment of relief when Chris realized that she wasn’t blowing him off and certainly hadn’t outright rejected him, but he did begin to regret the casual tone of his original message. It was hard to get a read on how she was feeling towards him based on her response. It wasn’t like she’d agreed to a date and for all he knew she had an entire team of people lined up to help her the following day, but he tried to push his intrusive doubts from his mind and focus on the fact that she was happy to include him in her plans. He could try to get a better feel for the situation when they were face to face and for the time being he settled for simply replying with an assurance of his willingness to help and a promise to be there on Saturday afternoon.

-

Pulling up to her house the next day, Chris took the time to take it in more than he had when he’d simply been dropping her off. At that time, he’d been much more distracted by her and his disappointment that their time together was ending, but as he was faced with the task of painting at least some of the building he was now driving towards, he was relieved that it seemed to be pretty small. Compared to his own house, it could even be described as quaint as it seemed almost like a small cottage, nestled in the trees just a short driveway away from the main road. It looked older - certainly not one of the new builds that had been popping up in the place of houses that had character - but overall it looked well maintained and like a great family home.

Grabbing the things he’d brought with him from the passenger seat, he climbed out of the car just in time to see Bridget coming out of the house and leaning against the railing of the porch.

“I can’t believe you actually showed up,” she smiled as he took in the paint speckled overalls she was wearing. “You really are a saint.”

“I told you I would,” he reminded her, holding up the case of beer in his hand. “I even brought supplies.”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as his claim pulled a giggle from her lips.

“You want to get drunk before you paint my house?”

Her accusation had Chris barking out a laugh as he shook his head in mock disbelief.

“There you go again,” he chuckled. “Making rude assumptions about me.”

The way his statement had her cocking her head to the side in thought as she was clearly racking her brain for any previous offensive statements she’d made was nothing short of adorable and had Chris biting back a smile at the sight.

“What else did I assume?” She eventually questioned, giving up on her attempt at remembering. “I don’t think I’ve ever been rude to you…”

“You said that I probably have a new girl every month,” he reminded her, earning a sheepish laugh and a soft ‘oh yeah’ before he continued. “Now you think I start drinking at noon? You’re painting a pretty bad picture of me.”

“Well, you just waved a case of beer at me and called it ‘supplies’,” Bridget pointed out with a smirk “What was I supposed to think?”

“I never said it was for right now,” he defended himself. “I thought we could celebrate later when we’re finished.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Bridget nodded. “But it’ll definitely have to wait until we’re done. I’ve been making a big enough mess sober, it’ll be chaos if we throw alcohol into the mix.”

“Yeah, painting and alcohol probably aren’t a great combination.”

“Not unless I want my house to look like Landon painted it,” she smiled, turning to lead him inside. “But I really appreciate you coming to help. The people who lived here before made some interesting interior design choices so almost every room needs to be painted.”

“Is it really bad?”’

“Oh, yeah,” Bridget scoffed as she held open the front door until Chris stepped inside the house. “Whatever you’re picturing, it’s probably worse. The reason that Landon is getting impatient about his bedroom is because I couldn’t stand to look at the bright pink accent wall in the living room for a day longer than absolutely necessary and had to start there.”

“Oh, man,” Chris cringed. “That’s not great.”

“It was awful,” Bridget nodded. “So I painted that last weekend, but the colour choices in the other rooms really aren’t much better.”

“Well, put me to work,” Chris demanded. “Let’s turn this place around.”

The relief on Bridget’s face was clear and reaffirmed that Chris’ decision to come and help her was the right one. His selfish motivations aside, painting the entire interior of a house was a big job and it appeared that she was doing it completely by herself. He knew how hard it could be to settle into a house that didn’t feel like home and he was more than happy to help her out - the quality time they’d get to spend together was just a bonus.

After putting the beer in the fridge to chill for later, Bridget was apparently eager to get to work as she led him straight down the hallway to one of the bedrooms. It was obvious from the furniture pushed into the middle of the room that it belonged to Landon and it was also obvious from the horrible bright guacamole shade of green on the walls why Landon was so eager for it to be painted as soon as possible. With the cans of paint all set up and ready to go, they quickly settled into work and just as easily settled into a casual conversation as he learned that Landon was supposed to be home that weekend, but his dad - who was Bridget’s ex-boyfriend, not husband as he’d assumed - had a family barbecue that he’d wanted Landon to attend, he asked about the book fair at the library and smiled as Bridget’s face lit up with pride as she shared how well it went, and he told her the story of how he found his dog, Dodger, and how adopting him was one of the best decisions he’d ever made.

However, the most amusing revelation came after there was a lull in the conversation when the silence was broken by the sound of Bridget giggling to herself across the room in the corner she was working on.

“What?” Chris asked. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Bridget flashed him a smile. “I was just thinking about how it feels kinda like I’m on one of those charity home renovation shows where people who are going through a tough time get their house renovated by their celebrity crush.”

Her admission was punctuated with another giggle, but her words had a smirk sliding onto Chris’ face.

“Oh? Am I your celebrity crush?”

“Hmm,” she pondered, exaggerating a look of deep thought. “You might be now that you’ve given up your free time to help me.”

“But I wasn’t before?”

“Not like my ultimate crush, that honour would have to go to Paul Rudd.” The confession was made with a casual shrug, but Chris felt his smirk deepen as he saw her eyes go wide and her cheeks flush with colour. “Oh my god, forget that I said that. You probably know him!”

“I do, we worked together on the Captain America movie that’s coming out soon,” Chris informed her. “I’ll be seeing him in a couple weeks at the premiere so I can let him know how you feel if you want me to.”

“Uh, no, that would be humiliating, but thanks for the offer,” Bridget rolled her eyes as Chris chuckled at her insincere appreciation. “Besides, at least half the country is in love with him so I’m sure he’s used to people fawning all over him.”

“He is a pretty likeable guy,” Chris agreed. “I can see the appeal.”

Bridget nodded in agreement, but there was a moment of hesitation before she spoke again.

“You’re pretty likeable too,” she reminded him. “Is it weird having millions of people adore you?”

“Millions?” Chris raised an eyebrow. “That might be a little generous.”

“I don’t think it is. That whole Captain America thing has made you pretty popular.”

There was a teasing tone to her observation that had a smile sliding onto Chris’ face.

“Has it? I hadn’t noticed,” he joked. “But it’s a little strange. I try not to think about it too much.”

“I just can’t imagine,” Bridget mused contemplatively as she carefully traced the paintbrush in her hand along the edges of the wall. “I have, like, three friends and only one of them is probably a little too invested in my life so thinking of thousands of strangers paying attention to the things I do is a hard concept to wrap my head around.”

“Trust me, it’s hard for me too,” Chris admitted. “I feel it more when I’m staying in L.A. and I know there’s a good chance someone will snap a picture of me whenever I leave my house.”

“Yeah, I’d hate that. What about Sunday morning coffee runs - who wants to get dressed up for that? Or, oh god, if you’re hungover? I am not cute after a wild night out.”

The way that her nose wrinkled in distaste at the mere idea of such a situation had Chris doubting that there was ever a time when Bridget was anything but adorable. Even in her paint stained, baggy, and worn overalls with her hair piled on the top of her head in a messy bun, Chris found his eyes constantly drawn to her. She was beautiful in an effortless way and he had a feeling that she really had no idea.

“I find that hard to believe,” he chuckled, earning a bashful smile and a shrug from Bridget. “But it can be rough, that’s why I like to come home whenever I can. I don’t have to worry about things like that here so much.”

“That’s good,” Bridget nodded. “Everyone deserves to have somewhere that they can relax and just be themselves.”

“Definitely,” Chris agreed. “I can really recharge here.”

“I can see why. I don’t think I realized how ready I was for a change of scenery until we moved here, but getting out of the craziness of the big city has been really refreshing,” Bridget reflected. “Especially since I was lucky enough to meet someone who has been incredibly welcoming and helpful.”

Her words sounded pointed - as if directed at him - so Chris flashed her a warm smile.

“I know what it’s like to move somewhere new where you don’t know anyone,” he assured her. “And it’s been really nice to get to know you.”

He watched a smirk slide onto her face accompanied by a sly look that was becoming increasingly familiar to him as she answered.

“Oh, I was referring to your sister, but you’ve been kinda helpful too, I guess.” It was obvious that she was teasing him as she could barely hold back a laugh at her own little joke, but Chris shook his head in disbelief. His faux offense only made her more amused, but with a flick of his paintbrush that sent more colour cascading over Bridget’s already stained clothes, Chris got his payback as she gasped in shock. “I was kidding!”

Her protest was loud, but sincere as she held up her hands as a shield against any further assaults and Chris chuckled at the sight.

“You better be, I don’t see anyone else here helping you out.”

“I know, and that’s why you’re my favourite member of the welcoming committee, I promise.”

Chris narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but as she flashed him a sweet smile, he was powerless to resist the grin that slid onto his face.

-

The rest of the afternoon flew by as they worked hard to get as much painting done as they could while also taking the time to get to know each other a little bit better. It was tiring work and grew tedious by the time they’d finished the first coat of the two bedrooms and half of the kitchen, but Chris found himself more than happy to be there and Bridget was very open about how incredibly grateful she was for his help. By the time they decided to wind down their work for the evening, they both felt very much like they’d earned one of the beers that were waiting for them in the fridge.

One drink then turned into two, but as Bridget went to grab the second round she had another idea.

“Are you hungry?” She asked. “I have a frozen pizza that I can throw in the oven.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Chris assured her. “I could eat, but we could order something so you don’t have to cook.”

“Heating up a frozen pizza is hardly cooking,” Bridget pointed out with a giggle. “Besides, I owe you for helping me today.”

“I thought you were gonna pay me back with a drink,” Chris reminded her with a smirk. “I’ve been looking forward to that.”

“You have?”

Bridget put the freshly opened beers on the counter as she turned to face him, the crease in her eyebrows showing her surprise at his claim.

“I have,” Chris nodded. “But how about this - you pay me back now with the pizza, but you still let me take you out sometime?”

“Like…a date?”

“Yeah,” Chris nodded, smiling at her wide eyed expression despite the nerves that twisted his stomach into knots at the thought of her turning him down. “Like a date.”

There was a brief moment when his clarification had a grin stretching across Bridget’s face, but before his relief at her assumed acceptance could sink in, a look of worry took over that had his nerves taking hold again.

“Chris…” She started, her tone having him bracing for rejection. “You’re really sweet, and funny, and so attractive, and I really enjoy spending time with you, but…”

She trailed off and disappointment washed over him as he knew where her sentence was going to end, but he needed to hear her say it and gently prompted her with a quiet, “But?”

“But I come with a lot of baggage,” she sighed, crossing her arms as if she was suddenly trying to make herself seem small. “I’ve got Landon and he’ll always have to come first for me. I’m guessing that our lifestyles are very different and I don’t want you to start something that might just end up being disappointing for you…”

Taking in her words while feeling a flicker of hope that she hadn’t outright refused him, Chris nodded his head as he tried to validate her feelings.

“I get that and I completely understand that Landon will always be your number one priority,” he assured her. “And I know that I come with a lot of baggage too - there’s a lot of parts of my life that aren’t super appealing - but I really like spending time with you too and I’d love to get to know you better.”

“Even though I have a kid?” She questioned as if she was unsure that he had really realized that fact. “And I’m a boring librarian mom?”

“I don’t think you’re boring at all,” Chris insisted. “I think you’re pretty great.”

He saw a blush rise in her cheeks as she mulled over his reassurance until the tension in her shoulders relaxed and a soft smile slid onto her face.

“Okay, then I would love to go out with you sometime,” she decided. “As long as you’re okay with taking things kinda slow. I know it sounds like I’m getting ahead of myself, but I can’t leap into anything when I have to consider how everything in my life affects Landon too.”

“I’m fine with that,” Chris smiled. “But I’m really glad you said yes, I was really nervous that you’d blow me off completely.”

Bridget snorted out a laugh at that claim as she playfully rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I bet you get rejected all the time.”

“It might be hard to believe, but it’s true,” Chris chuckled. “Feel my hands, they were sweating like crazy.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Bridget smirked as she passed him a beer and took a sip of her own. “But thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything you’ve done for me,” she clarified. “But also for being willing to take a chance on me.”

“I could say the same to you,” Chris pointed out. “Everyone has something, you just have to find someone whose problems work well with yours.”

“That’s a good way to think about it,” Bridget smiled as she lifted the bottle in her hand. “Here’s to finding compatible problems.”

Chris chuckled as he lifted his own drink and clinked it against hers.

“I’ll drink to that.”

[rahirah]

Smashed Review

So I was going through a bunch of ancient zip files on my hard drive, and I found the review of “Smashed” that I wrote immediately after it aired.  I have to say that it holds up surprisingly well, probably because I’m inherently pessimistic.  Have an historical document:

I am moved to write an actual review.  Yay, me.

In this week's episode of BtVS, Smashed, everyone's craving something, and almost everyone is lying to themselves about it.

Willow's craving surcease from heartbreak.  Despite the front she puts on for her friends, she is deeply depressed about Tara's departure, but refuses to acknowledge Tara's reasons for doing so.  She describes their fight to the others as a minor misunderstanding, oblivious to their unease as she gets deeper and deeper into the magic hole.

Amy's craving a simpler life.  She can't deal with the three-year lapse of time since she was last human.  She's shell-shocked by the changes in the world and doesn't want to see her father, hinting that he didn't know that she'd taken up magic.  Given that her father divorced her mother over Catherine Madison's use of magic, Amy's fears that having to explain the reason for her disappearance to him will end badly aren't trivial ones.

Buffy's craving Spike's hot, tight little body, and possibly more, and the implications of her desire terrify her.  She cannot bear to admit it, to herself or to Spike.  She spends the episode denying her attraction to him and desperately trying to push him away, to hurt him so badly that he leaves before he can hurt her.

Spike's craving Buffy's respect.  Driven to distraction by her alternating affection and disgust, after seven episodes of mostly exemplary behavior, Spike finally snaps and reverts (or tries to revert) to the Big Bad, spurred on by his apparent discovery that the chip no longer functions.

Tara acts as the sole real adult in this episode.  She is still drawn to Willow, and acknowledges as much, while realizing that for her own good she can't give in to her craving.  She also makes an effort to make Dawn feel better, making her the only person in the episode willing to put her own pain aside for someone else's sake.

Willow and Amy drown their sorrows in a binge of irresponsible spellcasting at the Bronze before heading out for bigger and better things.  When one contrasts Spike's behavior with Willow's in this same episode, it's difficult to see much moral difference between them.  Both are rejected by the woman they love.  Both act out their hurt and anger on others.  In both cases, no one ended up hurt, but both cases could equally well have ended in tragedy.

The episode draws several parallels between Buffy's attraction to Spike and Willow's out-of-control use of magic.  Just as Willow refuses to take responsibility for Tara's leaving her, Buffy refuses to take responsibility for her actions in initiating the kissing with Spike, blaming it all on spells or depression over Giles's departure.  During the conversation in the Magic Box, Buffy is disturbed by Anya's assertion that the responsible, 'good' people are the most dangerous when they finally go bad.  She is unwilling to believe that Willow is dangerous, and denies that 'everybody' can be seduced.  She is obviously worried about the similarities between Willow and herself, two 'good girls' who have gotten a taste of something powerful, seductive and possibly dangerous.

We are meant to draw the conclusion that Buffy is addicted to Spike, and that this is as undesirable a condition as Willow's magic abuse.  However, it's not at all clear that it's Buffy who's the worst off in their liasion. Compare the Spike of "Bargaining" to the Spike of "Smashed."  It's not a pretty picture.  In "Bargaining" Spike had a good working relationship with the Scoobies, a good family relationship with Dawn, and was coping with existence reasonably well.  He was still in mourning for Buffy, but by no means incapacitated with grief, and was doing something productive with his unlife.

Enter Resurrected!Buffy, and seven eps later, Spike is isolated from everyone except Buffy, due to his anger at being left out of the loop regarding her resurrection and Buffy's entrusting him with her secret.  Spike's words to Buffy in the teaser fit him far better than they fit her; she still has family and friends she can turn to if she chooses to do so; Spike has no one and nothing left.  He's given up all his alliances, human and demon both, for her sake.  There's too much simmering passion between them for them to be just friends, but Buffy refuses to let them be anything else.  Although Buffy repeatedly repulses him, sometimes with behavior which can only be described as gratuitously cruel, Spike never once considers leaving.  She is his addiction, as much or more than he is hers.

When Spike accidentally discovers that he can hit Buffy without pain, he believes that the chip has malfunctioned.  The solution to his problem is obvious: when he was bad, Buffy might have hated him, but she respected him. Spike can endure, just barely, without Buffy's love, but he can't bear her lack of respect.  Spike goes out and stalks a woman, then treats his prospective dinner to a rant about how Buffy takes him for granted.  His victim tells him she's sure he's not evil.  Spike denies it, stating that he's evil, and dangerous, and hasn't forgotten how to be a killer.

Spike's motivations in this scene are, as usual, opaque and open to multiple interpretations.  After weeks of being the ball in Buffy's game of Kiss/Kick The Spike, and years of feeling ineffectual and powerless due to the chip, he's getting an undeniable rush at having, as he thinks, the power of life and death over mere mortals again.  At the same time, his speech to the woman he tries to bite makes it clear that far from chowing down on the nearest warm neck because that's what vampires do, his attack is All About Buffy, a desperate attempt to prove to her that he's someone who cannot be ignored or used at her whim.  The woman's attempt to convince Spike that he's not evil can be seen as an indication that he isn't, really, or, in view of the fact that Spike does attempt to bite her, a jab at the gullibility of those who believe him capable of real reform.  In the end Spike bites, or tries to, but he must work himself up to it, and his speech about how evil he is sounds as if he's trying to convince himself as much as anyone else.  It's worth noting that in this scene, and no other, Spike's hair is mussed up, which usually indicates emotional vulnerability on his part.

The scene is both encouraging and discouraging in terms of Spike's personal growth.  Encouraging because Spike is clearly not forced into biting the woman because of his vampire nature; he does it purely out of hurt, anger, and spite at Buffy, and must work himself up to it even so.  This means that in other circumstances it's possible for him to choose differently. Discouraging as it demonstrates that Spike has, as yet, no concern for people outside his personal circle.  As in the Bronze scene in "Crush," the fact that he hesitated at all is worth noting, but I have little doubt that had the chip really been on the fritz he would have killed the woman--perhaps with regret at severing all ties with the human world, but she'd be no less dead for that.  Getting through to Buffy is more important to him than anything else.

And it is all about getting through to Buffy.  When his biting attempt fails and Warren confirms that the chip is still working, Spike is not disappointed in the slightest.  In fact, he appears pleased.  He doesn't make any attempt to have Warren disable the chip, and doesn't even seem to consider the possibility, though Warren expresses interest in how it works.  Spike doesn't care about regaining his ability to kill per se; the attack on the woman was only a device to get through to Buffy, and now he has a new angle.  If the chip is functioning, and yet he can still hit Buffy, then Buffy, who called him a thing, is now a thing herself, something other than human, something, at last, on his level.

Spike still loves Buffy, but at this point he's given up on winning her love by rising to her level.  With good reason; Buffy cannot admit that he's capable of being on her level, because that would make him too much of an emotional threat.  The greater her attraction to him is, the more strenuously Buffy must tell herself, and him, that Spike is a non-person, a thing, nothing she could possibly relate to on an I-Thou basis.  She cannot deal with the change in their relationship even though she's the one who's initiated it.  She wants Spike's emotional and physical support, but she's unwilling or unable to give him anything at all in return.  Buffy is using him, whether she intends to do so or not.

In order to reach Buffy, Spike must break through her walls, tear down the pedestal both of them have placed her on so they can finally see eye to eye. He doesn't intend to hurt her--much--but he's more than willing to take and dish out pain if necessary.  Buffy's post-resurrection difference, whatever it turns out to be, has finally given him physical parity; while she's still stronger than he is, she can no longer beat him up at will.  Physical parity is the first step to emotional parity; now that Spike can fight back again, Buffy can no longer dismiss or ignore his attempts to communicate by punching him and walking off.

Buffy doesn't want to believe that she came back as something other than human, refuses to believe Spike when he tells her that's the reason he's able to hit back now, and attacks him in a fury, trying to get him to take the awful truth back.  Buffy taunts Spike that he fits into neither the human nor the demon world and accuses him of loving not her, but the fact that she can beat him up.  Spike's final dig at Buffy is a little strange: he tells her not that no one loves her (which would be obviously untrue; even as they fight, he tells her that he loves her) but that she has no one to love.

And this is the crux of Buffy's problem: wrapped up in her own pain, she has no love to give anyone else--not Spike, not Dawn, not Willow, not even herself.  There's no way that Buffy's pain is going to magically go away; it's real, and it's going to take a long time to deal with.  Her spirit guide told her last season that she had the power to forge love out of pain, and this is what she must learn do in order to heal.  When Buffy claims Spike has come nowhere near hurting her, and he asks if she's afraid to give him the chance, it's very clear that they're not talking about physical pain.

In Smashed Buffy finally gives in to her physical desire for Spike, but she's still denying any possibility of an emotional connection.  That there is an emotional connection there can be little doubt; if Buffy truly felt nothing but lust for him, she wouldn't be so completely terrified of admitting it. It's the emotional consequences of loving yet another person who may betray or abandon her that she fears.

Again, the final scene is open to multiple interpretations.  Buffy and Spike's battle is savage foreplay, not a serious attempt to incapacitate one another.  (Note the complete lack of the fancy moves both of them showed off in the fight scenes in Tabula Rasa.  In Smashed, their moves are as raw as their emotions.)  They do considerable property damage during the fight, but when the fighting turns to passion, they literally bring the house down. Some reviewers maintain it's a sign that the affair is a doomed one, bound to destroy everything around it.  A more optimistic theory is that the building crumbling around them as they make love signifies that Spike has successfully torn down the walls around Buffy's heart.  And yeah, it is making love, not just shagging, at least for Spike; his expression in those final scenes is that of a demon who's as close to heaven as he's ever going to get.  The two of them maintain eye contact throughout, even after falling through the floor, and it's interesting to note that in this their first encounter, neither one is  on top.'

Sometimes destruction is necessary before you can start to build anew.  But unless Buffy can confront what's been revealed honestly, and admit that she does need to start building, then it won't be long before the two of them destroy one another. They know too much about one another.  Already their complete absorption in their own problems has left Dawn alone and miserable, deserted by her sister and her protector.  Tara can no longer fill the gap all by herself.

As far as the Spike-redemption front goes, at this point it's going to be all but impossible for Spike to make any further progress without positive reinforcement from someone.  Isolated from everyone except Buffy, who's in no condition to offer help and advice to anyone, much less a conflicted and infatuated vampire, it's hard to see where he's going to get it.  The Scoobs have never been very good about giving a helping hand to people who are trying to reform; just ask Faith.

Unfortunately, the events of "Smashed" may have taught Spike the lesson that in her current condition, being bad is the only way to get Buffy's attention and respect.  (Not to mention major nookie.)  I see more backsliding in his future.  The only bright spot is that Buffy now has proof positive that once able to attack her, Spike did not make any serious attempt to kill her (unless screwing her to death counts).  Buffy doesn't know about the attack on the woman, and if ME's track record for brushing aside the trials and tribulations of the ordinary joes the Scoobs are supposedly in the business of saving holds, she may never find out, but learning that Spike is still willing to attack people isn't likely to make Buffy more amenable to a real relationship with him.

The addiction metaphor is pushed even harder in the previews for next week's show, Wrecked.  Willow, eager for more power, seeks out a warlock who can reportedly increase one's ability to do magic.  Buffy attempts once again to give up Spike cold turkey, while he informs her that it's useless; from now on she'll crave him like he craves blood.  I'm fairly sure that we won't be able to fully comprehend the significance of Smashed until much later; Wrecked is undoubtedly a companion episode along the lines of Surprise/Innocence and Reprise/Epiphany.  Eventually, perhaps, Buffy will realize that some addictions--like those for air, water, and food--are necessary for life.  The need to love and be loved is among those necessary addictions, and whether with Spike or someone else, Buffy's going to have to give in to it or, in an emotional sense, remain forever one of the walking dead.

[salthien]

8 and 10 for the isat ask game!

this one is going under a cut also because Even More Spoilers and Even Longer. oops i have a lot of words to say i guess

answers for the ISAT ask game!

8- any post-game things you’d like to see?

i've been turning over the idea of what it would look like for sif to settle down after traveling so much. while i think a lot of travel with their family would do them very well after the sheer traumatic monotony of the loops, i also think they'd be the kind of person who would eventually want to set roots down somewhere (at least some of the time, not discounting future travel) - to make someplace familiar in a comforting way instead of an anxiety-inducing way. i'd love to think about/read how that feels for them, longfic is just not my forte so i don't know if it's something i would ever be able to do myself.

isa and mira would obviously stay extremely close with them - i can honestly see all three of them living together, or Mira staying at a close-by House of Change and she's over so often that she practically lives there anyway. of the group I think it'd be hardest for Odile to stay close for good, if only bc she does still have her father back in Ka Bue (? afaik, i don't think she mentioned him passing?) and I can't see her just going "yeah bye forever dad". idk. maybe she can work something out. i honestly haven't thought about nille much since i want to wait for the artbook but I don't see her having a huge problem settling down wherever.

speaking of those two, i also think postgame, a lot of the "bonnie and nille leave the party first because Bonnie Has To Go To School" worries could easily be assuaged by a kind of combo homeschooling-via-odile-and-isa (those two are so fucking smart!!! i know plenty of people homeschooled by parents who were much less capable than those two would be at teaching) plus classes at Houses of Change, since I'm sure children's classes exist and I'm assuming their travel can be a lot more "okay we spend a month or two in this place, a few weeks here" etc. than just On The Road All The Time. I just think Nille might be relieved at not having to be sole provider for her sibling, after the initial "you took bonnie WHERE to do WHAT", and isn't going to pull bonnie away just for the sake of school.

10- any headcanons about the in-game world? (about the forgotten island, craft types, just like. world building hcs, etc)

I think basic craft types and people having a proclivity towards one of the three is actually much more mutable than what the game tells us (i.e. someone might be born with only a slight affinity to Protecting craft, but figuring that out sets them on the path to aligning much more closely with Protecting craft. Sort of like being ambidextrous, but then gradually learning to favor one hand?). Craft as a type of magic seems like it would all fundamentally come from the same un-aspected source, with different methods or avenues of accessing it - with some of those methods producing side effects, like the RPS weakness system or Wish Craft's sugar smell.

Sometimes this avenue is through a god, especially if it requires a lot of Craft. (which. I also have thoughts on. I think gods as an entire concept, including Ka Buan expressions, are fundamentally shaped by the Craft rituals of the people who venerate them and that's why Wish Craft is so particular, because the Forgotten Country essentially observed these rituals for so long that it shaped the Universe to respond only to those rituals.) But sometimes it's much more mundane and easily accessible, and it's why everyone can do Craft even if they don't believe strongly in a god. The simpler rituals just ensure you get the result you want and don't channel too much of it at once - making sure you're not trying to run a firehose through a straw kind of deal.

[icanbeyourgenie]

“ Life would be so much simpler if you liked the right people. People you’re supposed to like. But then, I guess there’d be no fairy tales. ” – Calypso to Nathaniel

Nathaniel let his eyes fall on Xanthe for a second before averting them back. He forced himself to look at a girl instead - one of the ladies his father sent to court him. One of the ladies he was supposed to like.

"I'm not sure about the fairytales. I think we're either just stupid or we like to suffer."

Calypso looked at him with curious doe-eyes and he felt his throat close up. Was it time? He didn't know. But he could at least explain what he meant.

"I mean, look at us. The triplets just give themselves to anyone as long as it pleases Father. You're actually falling in love with the person who kidnapped you and got you into this mess in the first place. Ursula, well... Not sure what's going on with that Viserys but you can tell it's something shady. And Mal is falling for a girl he could never ever be with. And even if he could, she's a mortal. She'll end up dying anyway, and he'll be heartbroken. And then we have mom. Whoever she fell for that wasn't Father, she was killed for it.. Maybe we just don't know how to love without hurting ourselves..."

They both stayed silent a moment, clearly not having arguments against Nate's claims.

"Is that why you don't let yourself fall for anyone?" Calypso finally asked, curious as always, and once again Nate fell like throwing up. But maybe it was time.

"Who says I don't?" He brought his glass to his lips and thanked the fae obsession for alcohol so strong it could put down a dragon. Nobody said he had to face this sober.

"What? Who?"

Before he could change his mind, he let his eyes fall back on Xanthe again. The boy was in a corner talking with Aeron. It looked nothing more than a simple brotherly conversation but Nate knew they were discussing new inventions. He learned than against all odds Aeron was quite the mechanical genius - inventing flying ships and other explosive stuffs - while Xanthe was more into chemicals. It was an understatement, the fae could create the most deadly weapons with the simplest of ingredients. It was both terrifying and fascinating.

At some point he realized he was staring and looked back at his little sister, who looked really confused.

"... Aeron?" Nate spilled his drink.

"What?! No of course not!"

"Oh..." Calypso took a moment, then her eyes lit up. "Oh!"

"Yeah..."

Once again Nate looked away and kept drinking. He wished he could disappear. Maybe one of the ladies that came for him could put him out of his misery right now.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you." He finally said when the silence became too much to bear.

"What? Natty, I do not care who you love. You're my brother, I'll always love you, no matter what. But just... be careful, please... faes aren't to be trusted. Especially Morgana's children..."

"Yeah, I know that. It's not like I love him or anything. He's just an interesting person to spend time with." And he doesn't care if I occasionally kill a lot of people, he wanted to add, but didn't.

"Okay... Who knows?"

"About the 'Me being into guys' thing? I told Mal. I think Ursula figured it out too. About Xanthe? Just you. And I think Yasmeen saw us in a corridor but I can't be sure. And honestly I was too freaked out to ask.. You can't tell anyone though!"

"I won't! I am quite offended that you thought I'll be judgemental of if you like boys or girls or both. Why would you think that of me?"

"I didn't... I just... I'm so used to hide it, that's all, I didn't want anything to change between us..."

"It won't!"

"Okay, cause it's not both. It's just boys.."

Calypso paused a second. "Then this forced courtship must be more of a nightmare for you than I initially thought."

Against all odds, it made Nathaniel laugh. Probably out of relief. If Calypso still cared about his well-being it truly meant nothing changed. Suddenly he didn't know why he was so afraid to tell his little sister, he should've known better... His good mood coming back, he put the drink aside and took her hand before dragging her to the dance floor.

"Come on. We held the walls too long. It's time to show me if all those ball lessons finally paid off!"

[stuffman-main]

alright so the plot has gotten pretty hard to follow even for me, so let's recap Stuffman's Journey in Game Dev.

GHOST NUN

i quit my job to make an attempt at full-time game dev, and ghost nun won the initial poll for which of four game ideas i would try to make first.

it was a harsh learning experience. though i had put together proof-of-concept demos for various game ideas before, i slowly discovered that i had dramatically overestimated my programming ability, and dramatically underestimated the time it would take to produce a full game of the scope and graphical fidelity i wanted.

i spent the first year of full time dev and most of my savings to produce a demo with two dungeons that nobody liked, and it would not be easily retooled because of how badly it was programmed.

as of today the project is fully scrapped. if I ever revisit the concept it will have to be remade from scratch. (creating a demake with my faux NES engine is something I've considered.)

WAR OF THE SPROUTS (v1)

so after that mess, the idea here was that a strategy game would be much less demanding to make in terms of assets - once you've got your tileset and unit sprites you're pretty much good. right?

of everything on this list, wots was the biggest passion project, which is why i kept coming back to it. being a longtime advance wars fan, this bad boy has ten years of theorycrafting and lore behind it.

progress was still slow due to inexperience, as the first version of the engine was full of hard-coded UI that had to be adjusted over and over again. regardless, a playable build with fully functional units and commanders came together. but progress stalled once it came time to work on the AI, my savings ran out, and I had to pick up a part-time job. my stint with full-time game dev was over.

ASTROLANCER

so, let's go with something even simpler, I thought. astrolancer is (in theory) an easy project to break into small, digestible bits ideal for working on in one's free time (unlike the eight hour debug sessions one must spend while attempting to wrangle a strategy game AI). make a weapon here. make a new enemy there. the decision to stick to a mostly authentic NES aesthetic made the graphics easy to approach, too.

it worked well enough. the game's engine and first stage came together pretty well over the first few months. then, an unxpected boon - covid lockdown gave me a few more months of focused dev time, and i managed to finish about half the game in this time. the demo was reasonably well-received too. unfortunately, i ended up broke, and it was time to go back to work…full-time, this time. progress basically stopped after that, as we all know that wage slavery is the bane of creative energy.

next year, though, another opportunity presented itself - i would be stuck at home for about four months taking care of my grandma, who had destroyed her ankle. that would be just enough time to finish astrolancer, i thought…! but i thought wrong, because grandma was helpless and taking care of her left me with little true free time. i got basically nothing done in the first 2 months.

WAR OF THE SPROUTS v2

realizing astrolancer wasn't going to be finished, and really wanting to get back to my passion project, i decided to take advantage of my much-improved programming skills and take another whack at wots. my reasoning was that if I could hammer out an engine quickly enough, the only thing I would have to do from that point on would be writing, art, and map design - things that wouldn't be stressful to do on weekends (my motivation to open up visual studio while recovering from the workweek was nil). it was successful to an extent - the new engine has a scripting system to automatically create UI windows and the code was much cleaner. unfortunately, time ran out when I encountered my old nemesis, the AI, and the game has remained untouched since my return to work.

UNTITLED FAIRY H-GAME

"fuck it let's just make a fucking rpgmaker game. it'll be full of horny fairies. it'll be great." you would've had to be following my pinup blog to know about this one.

after spending some time on character designs, though, i realized there was no fucking way i'd be able to draw all those cgs while also suffering the wrist strain from work.

WAR-O-MATIC

the AI girl game has a title now! believe it or not, this concept is almost as old as wots is, and is sort of its sister game. i planned to make it after releasing wots though, because it's much more experimental in terms of balance.

anyway, at this point i was thinking "what other options do I have"? what if I just took the existing wots v2 engine and made a different game that removed all the game elements that made the AI really hard to program? no transports, no fog of war, simplified powers…and an artstyle and cast that wouldn't put too much stress on my wrist. there's no reason it shouldn't work.

there was a lot of game math and balance theorycrafting to do from scratch, but that stuff is fun.

what wasn't fun was going back to AWBW after a few years to make sure I still understood the game, and discovering that I absolutely do not because I lost every single match. this has not been good for my confidence in my ability to make a good AW clone.

present day, present time

this was just recently. last week i thought of revisiting the fairy game (which is where the sprite on the pinups blog came from), and the last two weeks at work i've been running over the story in my head, coming up with spell lists, etc. i've been managing my wrist strain better and my new tablet is easier to use, "so maybe i can pull it off after all", i thought.

then, just last night, as if accosted by a foul-mouthed muse, I was struck loudly by a thought.

"JUST FINISH ASTROLANCER, YOU STUPID FUCK."

there is merit to the idea, i decided. it is the game in the furthest state of completion. the only one of two that is actually playable, and the only one of those two that doesn't suck ass.

then, this morning, that ask appeared in my inbox. it's a sign.

that's the plan. i'm going to try to finish astrolancer.

(to actually answer the question, i'm working on the stage 4 boss.)

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

I'm quite curious but how long does drawing usually take for you? Let's say for a tarot card for example?

Depends on how lazy in depth I want to go with it. Fully rendered stuff with glow and shading and effects and all the stops can take up to 2-3 days (if not a week, time permitting), but a quick doodle/sketch for an ask or something only takes an hour or so. On average a “usual” piece of mine doesn’t normally take more than 6-8 hours (unless it’s really detailed, like pieces for DTIYS or scenes with multiple people), but that’s cuz I’ve learned how to cheat the system :P

(but yeah most of the Timelapses I have saved are around 7 hours for the whole process)

Drawing/sketching by itself varies. Everything I do is initially drawn by hand, and while sometimes I can nail a sketch, like, right away, other times I can spend hours trying to get it up to snuff, or I only finish it like halfway and just touch it up digitally instead to attempt to save some time. Just depends on the piece, my mood, and the time on my hands snksnk

For the tarot cards specifically, ahhh…I’d put them around 6-8 hours each, so around my usual time, but the simpler ones like Jesse’s and Nya’s took less than that, while more complicated ones like Jay, Dareth, Lloyd/the FSM, took several days. I’ll consider it a sign of trying to improve each time, haha.

The initial sketch takes an hour or two, the cleaned sketch + lineart can take up to four (mainly cuz I have a shorter attention span during this part), and coloring, again, depends on the specific piece but can usually be done in a few hours too.

But also, with the tarot cards, part of the reason I made it a year-long project to begin with was to ensure that I would have enough time to make them mostly the best they could be! If I had attempted them all at once or back-to-back I probably would’ve given up, so I’m really glad I can say I’m almost done!!

[thegirlfromhawkins]

Celebrating Halloween/Samhain w/ Eddie (gn! reader)

(yes i had to use this photo)

Obviously, I have to post something special for spooky season. I am a Halloween whore after all as well as a witch hence the inclusion of things having to do with that. You don’t have to be a witch to read this though! I can’t add every detail about the witchy stuff mentioned in this headcanon but if you do have any questions let me know! I may be writing more Halloween stuff to post if I have time but thank you for reading!

• Eddie enjoyed the fall but he wasn’t prepared for just how much you loved it

• Knowing you were a witch he figured you’d love Halloween however he didn’t know everything that came along with it

• Seeing how much you were into celebrating the holiday made his heart flutter though

• He loved hearing you talk about your traditions and all things you had planned

• Your face brightened up every time he’d ask you questions and show interest too

• That was one of the greatest things about your relationship

• You both cared about each other's interests even if you weren’t into them

• Eddie actually did take quite an interest in the history of the holiday having no idea that certain things were from witches

• He then concluded that it was bullshit how people dismissed the original meaning of the holiday and where it came from

• More forced conformity he said

• Giving him the rundown on things took a while and I mean a while because there is so much to learn that even you don’t know everything

• He took a liking to many things you introduced him to

• Tales of faeries and goblins reminded him of d&d immediately peaking his interest

• You were wary about even telling him about Mischief Night because every night with him seemed like Mischief Night

• Still, you should’ve known that telling him these things would lead to him playing silly pranks on you the day before Halloween

• You would both go on apple-picking dates as well after talking to him about all the traditions having to do with apples

• Eddie wanted to do all of them if possible and you had to remind him to slow down on the antics cause there was only so much time you had to teach him about everything

• He was always like ‘Hell yeah let's do it’

• Not a bad characteristic of his but even you can get tired with the festivities

• You and he did the simpler traditions like apple peeling and divination traditions with the seeds

• While peeling the apples together to see the supposed first name of your future spouse when you’d toss it over your shoulder he was dead set on it being your initial

• “If this doesn’t say you I’m doing it again.”

• “Eddie that’s your third apple already.”

• Trust me apple peels were all over the place and Wayne would find remnants of apples when he came home from work

• Of course, since it’s spooky season you’d also just spend time having horror movie marathons

• By the end of watching all the movies, you’d both feel like movie critics deciding which ones were actually scary and had the best effects

• Baking and cooking together became a regular and Eddie didn’t realize how much fun he could have making stuff with you

• Getting delicious food was a bonus for him

• Even Wayne thought that you should both keep it up cause he was enjoying the leftovers just as much as you two

• When it came to all the fun crafts Eddie was well prepared and insisted that you get ‘the best pumpkins in the land’

• His pumpkin came out scary to no surprise and made its guts come out of its mouth

• What more did you expect from him?

• When it came to costumes he had all these ideas and brainstormed for weeks

• He wanted to help you make them once you decided on who you would both be dressing as

• Eddie has a creative eye and always had mainly good ideas for what to add unless he was joking around as he does occasionally

• Decorating together was a highlight of the holiday as you both combined your own touches to the spookiness

• Eddie was quite the crafty man when it comes down to it and was always down for whatever ideas popped into your head

• Needless to say, Halloweens with Eddie are forever to be remembered and each year is as special as the last and you’d go on to make your own traditions together

[welcometothewarren]

i'm not sure if tumblr sent my ask, so hey, i'm the person who sent that ask about Jormungandr to not the some father!! i saw your comment there, but i'm very shy and decided to talk here 🥲🥲

well, i wanted information that could help me start worshiping them (Jormungandr). i know this is something that can vary from person to person, but i'm still not very good at it, so i wanted to at least know a little bit about other people's experience. hope what i'm saying makes sense lol

hey nonny! welcome.

that totally makes sense. you already know that worship is an individual experience and each person's relationship to a god is unique, which tbh is half the battle. what works for one may not work for you, and over time you'll also discover things that work for you and not for others you know. the key is practice, or experimentation, or however you prefer to look at it.

here's what approaching a new god looks like for me:

-read the myths. chew on them for a while. what resonates? what doesn't? what role do i think these stories might have played in the culture that recorded them? what's changed between then and now? eg, does jormungandr represent an adversarial figure to me or not? is thor wrestling with/fishing for jormungandr a story that applies to my life? how? is zie a boundary-crosser, or a boundary-maker, or a secret third thing? do i have big feelings about jormungandr's role in ragnarok, or is that less important to me? what do i think i could learn from jormungandr? do i want to learn it? expect to not have answers to most of these questions, but start asking them anyway.

-look to others for examples of how the god intersects with their life and practices, and compare and contrast to the above questions. eg, maybe i've determined that jormungandr is not An Adversary to me, and i've found someone who feels differently, but still worships or works with zir. what does that look like? do i know why they came to that conclusion? i don't spend much time here, because comparing your religion to someone else's can outlive its usefulness very quickly, it's just to get the wheels turning in my brain.

-make an offering. this can always be a standard offering like water, smoke, candles, etc. it definitely does not have to be something specific to the god in question, or be one of the "popular" offerings given by others. it can also be an action or an experience, not just a physical item. i use this offering to introduce myself, pray or speak directly to the god to state why i'm approaching them, what i'm looking for, invite their presence, whatever. this is a conversational opener.

some of the things i like to offer to jormungandr include: snakeskin (prints, sheds, or tanned hide), silver, decorative chains and maille, white tea, Water and all things related to it, fruits and flowers that grow on brambles like blackberries and wild roses, decorative eggs, salt, glass and stones (especially smooth, especially worn smooth by the sea), and certain crystals (heliotrope, serpentine, moss agate, merlinite/dendritic agate, sodalite, polychrome jasper, etc. i legit pick all of them solely based on color and not on any preexisting association these stones have in new age-y circles.)

-keep the conversation going. how did that introduction make you feel? are you starting to get a sense of what the god feels like *to you* and not just on paper? make more offerings, say more prayers. find art and media that you can see the god in and enjoy it. if there are social or environmental causes you associate with the god, get invested in them. spend more time together. refine your godphone, if applicable.

-rinse and repeat. your understanding of the initial questions you asked will change over time, and your understanding of the lore, and the relationship, and everything. getting to know a god is (or can be) a lot simpler than it seems at the outset, and it also kind of...never ends. the tl;dr is to just try it and see what sticks. ime you learn more by doing than by planning, and i don't honestly have anything to lose by trying. worst case scenario, an offering gets a "meh" instead of a "YES MORE," so it's not something i worry about being good or bad at.

i personally experience jormungandr as being very Old and Slow and Deep, and communicating without words, which can make zir difficult to describe. zie's a very somatic god, for me. my devotional tag for jormungandr is #zie of the sea cycle

i hope any of this is what you're looking for! feel free to come back any time with more questions or to let me know how it goes or whatever. good luck 💚

[hotvillain]

THERE'S SOMETHING RED-HOT AND ACHING AT THE BOTTOM OF HER BELLY, AND IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO BE ANGRY ANYMORE. the more time she spends around him, the worse it gets. it's spooled around her mouth, slick across her lips, prying apart the outline of her tongue. [OPEN WIDE.] charlie spends too much time between her thighs, some days. finding the crevices of her secrets, dog-eared pages of days past, his body knits a scar of the evidence. his hands wrap around the center of her waist. he's scavenger hunting, trying to dig up more than the dark shadows that pour from their relationship, and mari's been trying to do nothing but chain-link the door shut. (she's an encapsulation of all the words she wants to say, but doesn't. a summary of every secret dissolving away between them.) the truth of being honest is that some things are too raw. flayed open to the tip of her tongue. coals burnt to the crisp of her cheeks. charlie says the word love, and she wishes he said hate, because the world is simpler when it's a lazy-lie on sunday mornings, rather than a love-soaked perimeter she can't fit into. won't fit into. is trying not to fit into. WHATEVER.

CHARLIE ÁLVAREZ [@peutitemort] : "fuck me like you love me."

HERE'S THE RECAP: mari doesn’t know if she loves charlie, but something has started to feel close. for all that aching, and longing, and yearning that kicks through the lower half of her throat, mari knows the reality is that all her anger was just a symptom of certain death. releasing the rest is only to exasperate the consequences. so, she could say she loves him, but breathes out she hates him every time she tries. [AS IN: I HATE YOU, I NEED YOU, I SEE YOU, I CAN'T GO WITHOUT YOU. AS IN: I HATE YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, BUT THAT WORD DOESN'T EXIST TO US. YET.] fuck me like you love me, he says, and mari wishes it wasn't instinct. as if it's a fantasy, some far away desperation that only their indulgences allow. as if her hips don't jerk forward, her body flush against his; nails scraping and singing and signing her initials across his back. (the flesh and blood life of this situation is a tale as old as time— she loves him, she loves him not, she loves him … he hates loving her.)

mari's mouth suckles soft noises from the two of them. slides slickness against her thighs, until she's got enough of a rhythm to swallow the impact of their hips. she bites, breathes, and becomes every essence of her need— HER IMPULSE. his pleasure, powered by the tilt of charlie's body to press an inch closer. "shhh," the noise murmurs against his skin. couples with the slow whine of a moan. it breaks free from the cage of her mouth, sprint-springs from the escape hatch of her body, and her inhale heaves. shuddered along the in-and-out of her chest. [FEEL THAT, CHARLIE? —FEEL HOW ALIVE I AM?] "just let me—" her form slants, her hips lift, and the up and down motion brings a stifled cry out from lips that link along his shoulder. her hand, almost instinctive, traces a heart along his thigh. she grips it in the aftermath, tight, because everything sweet is always easier with one ounce of sour. (stir well for a recipe for disaster.) "charlie," his name sounds like a prayer. a psalm sung in the dead of night. mari squeezes her eyes shut, tilts her head back, and rises to an occasion that no one will break her fall for. "ineedyou— charlie," knees knock against the side of his waist, and she buries her face to the crook of his neck. words drop to nothing but a low hum. "please."

[sinceraindia]

Five Toxic Employee Attitudes that should be Banned from the Work-Place – People Barriers to Operational Excellence

Do you sometimes look around you at work and think you are in the middle of a role play game with quite a few characters that play the same roles again and again? I do and not being a very patient person, it does take a lot of effort for me to keep my mouth shut and continue to stay in MY character and play the game. For that is what the corporate world is – a game. And even if you don’t want to play the game, you need to know the game and know the characters very well to achieve what you have set out to do. In my case, it is operational excellence. Your objective could be something else but you would agree with me that it would make our workplace much more pleasant and energetic and reaching business goals that much easier if some toxic employee attitudes were left out at the door. So much of organizational success depends on the culture that is prevalent in the organization. I have written about the part that leaders should play or not play in the past and today’s post is for the rest of us. To be really effective at work, we have to know and understand the people we work with. Each one of us at work has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to not indulge in toxic attitudes and behaviors at the work place. Life would become so much simpler (albeit less dramatic) then.

Here are the five most common toxic employee attitudes that I have seen block personal and professional growth at the work place – let me know if I have missed any:

Attitude #1: It’s not my job or Take No Initiative –

Such people specialize in advice. They can spend hours discussing how Mr. /Ms. So-and-So (especially those in management) are not doing their jobs and if they are, how they should actually be doing this much better. They are experts in their knowledge of who could or what could be better – and the more they know and discuss, the better they feel. And no, they don’t spend time debating on how they could contribute or help. Wouldn’t it be great if they actually used this knowledge to take initiative themselves to actually go and volunteer to DO some of these things, that they know so much about, themselves ?

Attitude #2: I know who is pulling the strings and why or the Conspiracy Theory –

The intelligence agents who think that there is a sinister agenda behind every move in the organization – they thrive on drama and love sharing their inside intelligence with people on their latest theories on how management is out to get them. This one is actually fallout of less than transparent communication from the leadership teams which provides fodder to some people to create stories and scare the living daylights out of people around them. Fear and confusion are not conducive to performance and productivity. Wouldn’t it be great if these people took this particular brand of creativity outside the workplace and wrote thriller novels that I am sure we would all love to read?

Attitude #3: What is the point or We can make No Difference –

Most commonly seen in people who are unhappy with their jobs for whatever reason, this attitude is a complete dampener for people around them who love their work and are passionate about what they do. They do not believe in positive outcomes and spend time curbing the enthusiasm of those that do. If you are unhappy and still choose to stay on, it is your choice. Now that you have made that choice, do you want to spend your time in doing mediocre work for work’s sake or try to inject a dose of excellence in whatever you do and become happier by the day? And let others do their best work in peace?

Attitude #4: I cannot/will not move forward and I will do my best to pull you back too or the Frog in the Well –

I don’t understand the reasons behind this attitude myself – on why someone would want the opposite of a win-win situation. But I see this very often, common symptoms are – share no credit, slander and back-stab at the first opportunity; sabotage any work that one does not directly own, etc. Why? Why? Why? Why would you want to pull down people when you can help push them up and maybe rise yourself too? Beats me but please stop doing this – you are sabotaging yourself in the long run.

Attitude #5: Who me? I didn’t say/do anything or the Passive Aggressive behavior –

This is a very difficult attitude to identify or nail down as such people hide behind the smoke (And I am not being dramatic). Look for these people in meetings and conferences – no response to requests for question or feedback but the moment the meeting is over, you can find them with an audience around them near water coolers, coffee tables or whatever the organization version of that is. This is wrong, that is a bad plan, I know this will not work, we are doomed – you get the drift. Such people don’t speak up when they are given the opportunity to but are very vocal behind the scenes. And even more dangerous, sometimes very quietly block, hinder or just delay their part in the work flow. If you don’t like something or you don’t support a decision – can you please speak up? Chances are that your feedback could be very critical and help influence the decisions or change things the way you want.

We could do so much more if we learnt to respect ourselves and others at work. Not see each other as adversaries but as fellow travelers – united to work for a common goal. As Howard Schultz, Founder & CEO of Starbucks says – Victory is much more meaningful when it comes not just from one person, but from the joint achievement of man. The euphoria is lasting when all participants lead with their hearts, winning not just for themselves but for one another.

Do you think I am being very harsh or did you find yourself nodding your head along the post identifying the characters that you encounter in your organization? What do you think each of us can do make the corporate culture less toxic and stifling? What behavior’s do you think impede you in your journey to excellence at work? I would love to hear and learn from you.

[akaraboonline]

8 Telltale Signs He Just Wants To Be Your Friend

Just asking the person would be so much simpler, am I right? However, sometimes it is simply impossible to take that initial step because it might be your last. There is still something you can do, though, if you're not satisfied with being close friends and/or feel conflicted about the signs he's sending you. Even if you decide not to take action, you can still study the person and draw judgments because, in general, men are quite open about their emotions. The only issue is that they have terrible verbal communication skills! Here are 8 unmistakable indicators that he wants nothing more than to be your friend.

He talks about his exes a lot

8 Telltale Signs He Just Wants To Be Your Friend The conventional rule is that you never discuss your ex with the person who will be your lifelong partner and is sitting right in front of you. That applies to both men and women. He shouldn't feel at ease discussing his previous relationships with you, just as you wouldn't feel at ease telling him about your former undertakings. Of course, only if he has romantic feelings for you. Friends share a variety of things because they don't feel the need to impress one another. Do you feel that your knowledge about his ex-wives is excessive? Typically, that's not a good sign.

He never flirts with you

The conventional rule is that you never discuss your ex with the person who will be your lifelong partner and is sitting right in front of you. That applies to both men and women. He shouldn't feel at ease discussing his previous relationships with you, just as you wouldn't feel at ease telling him about your former undertakings. Of course, only if he has romantic feelings for you. Friends share a variety of things because they don't feel the need to impress one another. Do you feel that your knowledge about his ex-wives is excessive? Typically, that's not a good sign.

He doesn’t have time for you

8 Telltale Signs He Just Wants To Be Your Friend We're all busy individuals, but when two people genuinely appreciate one another, they find the leisure time to go on dates in addition to messaging. He definitely doesn't like you all that much if you feel like you could free up an entire weekend to spend with him but he's constantly too busy to even respond to your texts, let alone really meet somewhere privately.

He never makes the first step

When they see a girl they adore, the majority of the guys frequently behave like hunters. Although it may be less visible in the present period where roles are shifting constantly, it's still typical for guys to initiate dating. It's as easy as that: they see something they like and want to see more of it. However, if you're the one organizing everything, texting him nonstop, and stressing out over where to invite him, you're still in his buddy zone. For a while, try remaining silent and see the results. It's easiest to forget about this guy if he doesn't even realize that you've mysteriously vanished from his life.

He rarely texts you

8 Telltale Signs He Just Wants To Be Your Friend You want to send longer texts just like you want to spend more time with the person you like. You should certainly pay more attention to your connections if you are the one who texts him most of the time rather than the other way around, and if your texts tend to be brief and devoid of emoticons. There are many different types of friendships, and this one can end up hurting you more than helping!

He doesn’t mind talking about your male friends

If he’s totally okay talking about your exes and other male friends, then it’s not a good sign. Try mentioning a guy that has asked you out or maybe an ex that contacted you and observe his reaction. If he shows any type of discomfort, crosses his hands or averts his gaze, then there’s still a chance that he’s interested in you being more than just his friend. But if not…maybe it’s time to face the truth!

You are always meeting in groups of friends

You're in trouble if the two of you haven't had many face-to-face conversations. He may have called and even scheduled a meeting, but whenever you come up, he is always with buddies. This suggests that you are nothing more than another familiar face he enjoys hanging out with and having a wonderful time with. Of course, there's a potential that he won't ask you out on a real date because he's too timid, but if you know him well enough, you've probably already determined whether or not that's the case.

He’s been around forever and never asked you on a date

Yes, we recognize that some relationships develop from lifelong friendships, but you should be prepared that this isn't the case in your instance. Is he a colleague you've known for a long time? Or perhaps you've known him as a close buddy since you were a young child? It doesn't necessarily follow that the guy feels the same way if you've just learned that you have feelings for him that aren't completely platonic. In fact, it's a sure sign he only wants to be friends with you if you've known one other for years and he hasn't at least tried to grow closer. Read the full article

[dinsverdika]

Touch-starved (one shot)

Pairing: Hunter (the Bad Batch)/Reader

Tags (as posted on AO3): established relationship, kissing, making out, fluff (maybe? i'm not sure), suggestive, touch-starved Hunter

Word count: 1,365

Notes: hello! This was initially a WIP which had stayed on the WIP shelf for too long. As I recently posted another Hunter one shot, I decided to dust it off and revisit it. I wanted to make this the part one of the said one shot but ending up thinking that the two pieces didn't fit that well together. So I'm leaving you the choice of taking them as a package deal or not. I forgot to add it in the tags but I've written this with a AFAB reader in mind.

A gasp breached your lips as a strong pair of hands grabbed your hips and pulled them down.

“Hunter!” you whisper-shouted.

But you couldn’t help the grin from appearing on your face as you adjusted your position on his lap. It took a bit of shuffling around but you were now facing him instead of having your back turned to him. “I was going somewhere,” you said.

“There’s nothing to see in the cockpit,” replied Hunter, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. He planted a kiss on the spot where your jaw angled upwards.

“I actually needed to report something to Tech,” you explained but tilted your head anyway, granting Hunter an easier access to your neck.

He hummed, “can’t it wait? It can’t be that important if you don’t have to report it to me first, the sergeant.”

You chuckled as Hunter peppered featherlight kisses all over your neck. He always knew when to pull the “sergeant card” on you.

“I guess you’re right, sergeant,” you smirked.

The smirk on your face quickly disappeared as Hunter drew another gasp from you as you felt his teeth gently nipping at your skin. Not enough to hurt you but certainly enough to catch you off-guard. He had tightened his grip on your hips too, bringing you closer to him.

“What has gotten into you?” you asked, giggling as Hunter had resumed peppering kisses on your neck. You braced yourself by putting your hands on his broad shoulders.

“Missed you, is all,” he mumbled from the crook of your neck.

“We’re in the same ship and spend most of our time in close proximity,” you retorted.

Hunter licked the spot behind your ear. If the moan ripping through your throat had not been held back by your teeth biting into the soft cushion of your bottom lip, it would have resonated in the short corridor leading up to the cockpit. Thankfully, the door separating the two areas was closed.

“I missed feeling your body pressed against mine,” added Hunter.

Oh.

In simpler, more straightforward terms: he was horny.

It had been a while since you and Hunter had some time to yourselves. You cuddled in his bunk and stole a kiss here and there but the Marauder did not provide the intimacy and the privacy you two were craving. Fortunately for you, the Bad Batch were close to rounding up the long list of missions they had been given, meaning you will be soon back on Kamino. Hunter and you could hide away in the allotted room the Kaminoans had provided you when you had been assigned to work with the Bad Batch.

It would be unfair to say that Hunter was the only one who was a bit touch-starved, though. You had been longing for his touch and now that he had his hands on you, you wished that the Havoc Marauder could travel through hyperspace even faster than it currently was.

You craned your neck to look at the navicomp behind you, Hunter was working on it when you had walked past him.

“What were you doing anyway?” you asked.

“Just looking up the star system we’re gonna jump into soon. Nothing too important,” he replied, bringing your attention back on him by turning your face gently by the chin.

You were about to retort that nothing seemed too important at the moment but Hunter locked your lips in a soft kiss before you could. The teasing remark flew out of your head as you relaxed into the kiss. Your muscles let go of the pent up frustration one by one as the kiss deepened. You wrapped your arms around Hunter’s neck as his hands stroked your back, a warm feeling blossomed into your chest. Hunter moaned into your mouth as you tugged on his bottom lip with your teeth and his hands grabbed your ass cheeks, angling your crotch onto his codpiece, drawing a moan out of you. The warm feeling in your chest had spread down to your belly, making you feel feverish with want.

Hunter let go of your lips to trail back down to the crook of your neck with quick, needy kisses. He searched the perfect spot with his mouth, he knew his lips were where they needed to be when you hummed in pleasure as he licked your sensitive skin. He sucked on your skin, willing to leave his mark. You tried to protest against it through the haze fogging up your head, having a visible lovebite decorating your neck would be inappropriate until you hadn’t made it back to Kamino. He cut it short by sealing his lips with yours once again. His kisses were devouring, leaving you breathless. Your clothes were starting to feel too constricting and his armour too cold and hard against your body.

Shivers crawled on your skin as you felt Hunter’s warm hands sliding under your shirt. Hunter sighed at the feeling of your soft skin, spurring him on. He tentatively thrusted up and swallowed the soft moan which escaped your lips when his codpiece nudged your bundle of nerves.

“Hunter,” you gasped but he slated his mouth over yours once more. His hunger for you made him reckless. The taste of you, the feel of you had left him unaware of his surroundings.

“Hunter,” you said again, breaking the kiss. You had to push him away from you by his shoulders. The small gap between you two still allowed you to feel each other’s laboured breathing against each other’s face.

“We need to tone it down,” you exhaled.

Hunter was looking at you with a lustful half-lidded gaze, his chest was heaving and his lips swollen with desire. The flames of arousal licked the insides of your lower belly and it took a great amount of restraint to not surrender to your desire for the man in front of you.

Hunter’s gaze flicked down to your parted lips, they looked so inviting. The haze of his mind cleared up a bit at your next few words, “remember where we are.”

You watched as Hunter blinked a couple of times and looked around, taking in his surroundings. His eyes darted back to your face, shock appearing on his features as he realised that you two were heavily making out in the navicomp room and that anyone could have walked in on you.

Hunter sighed as arousal dissipated from his body, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let my emotions take over me like that.”

You shushed him with a quick peck on the lips.

“No need to apologise, Hunter,” you said, wanting to reassure him. “It’s been difficult for me too, I’ve been missing you as well. I just didn’t realise how much until your hands were roaming all over my body,” you added with a small laugh.

Hunter chuckled at your admission, “well, we’re both guilty of being needy.”

“Could anyone blame us, though?” you asked. “We’ve been on the go for longer than usual, it was bound to happen at some point of another.” You slid your hands from his shoulders to his chestplate, “I’m glad that no one walked in on us.”

Hunter’s eyes widened at the reminder of his brothers walking in on you. “Maker, I’m glad that it didn’t happen too. We may be brothers but I definitely don’t need them to witness us being intimate like that.”

You nodded and planted another peck on his lips. “I should go and see Tech, now” you said, your shoulders slumping in defeat. “Otherwise we may get carried away again.”

Hunter hummed in response, looking as defeated as you. “Yeah,” he sighed. “And I should go back to what I was doing,” he added, gesturing to the navicomp.

You used his shoulders as leverage to get up from his lap, giving one last look to Hunter before turning away in the direction of the cockpit.

A sharp smack on your butt made your entire body whip around.

“Hunter!”

He threw a wolfish grin your way. “Just a taste of what’s to come once we land on Kamino.”

You clicked your tongue and turned away once more. “You’re impossible.”

[sekceesimps]

The Adeptus’s Temptation (Xiao x reader oneshot)

summary: Xiao watches and reacts to his darling being flirted with by a certain Geo Archon.  angst (kinda) but ends with fluff.  

a/n Hey anon, I loved your requests so I decided to do both of them… hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the love and feel free to leave another request (that goes for all of you!) 

This is sort of a more in depth version of the Xiao part in the Genshin Jealousy HCs

Also sorry for the delays between publishing, Tea and I have been busy with our personal lives, but we’re trying to write more! 

Keep liking and following us, it genuinely motivates me to write. 

 Sincerely Coffee  

Who would have ever thought that the Conqueror of Demons, the Vigilant Yaksha, the great adeptus Xiao would ever have a significant other that was human. Certainly not you and definitely not him. 

Xiao is not someone who is easy to open up and be kind, but you managed to break through his cold and harsh demeanor. A surprise to the adeptus who had resigned himself to living his life alone and far from others. You are someone special to him in a world filled with incompetent and useless humans. 

It took some time for him to allow you to spend more days with him and even allow you to initiate physical affection. At first, it came as a relief when you were out doing commissions or just going out to work, he needed his space after all. He was worried about how fast he was falling for you and clung onto the hope that the space he left would allow him to protect himself. 

As your warmth and presence grew on him more, a part of him yearned to be at your side and let you closer to his heart. He had put up his icy walls to combat the heartbreak that comes after losing friend after friend, he was distraught with how quickly you broke through to him. He grumbled at your hand holding, but leaning into your touch nonetheless. 

Your dangerous commissions started to lessen as he refused to let you take on the most harmful of enemies without him. After all, he had no idea what he would do if he lost you. 

Xiao’s favorite thing to do with you is sit at the top of Wangshu Inn or even just the cliff sides of Liyue and bask in your attention and presence. He practically glowed under your loving gaze and from the light brushes of your hand against his. He had known the land for thousands of years and he had seen the most beautiful of landscapes in his time guarding it. He thought that he had seen every stunning thing in this world, that was at least until he met you. 

Your bravery, resilience, and overwhelming beauty had completely captured him, and as time went on he fell further and further for you. The life he envisioned the two of you to live together was a calm and peaceful one. He knew it probably wouldn’t be possible with the nature of both of your responsibilities and his own life span, but an adeptus could still dream.  

Now as much as Xiao wants to protect you, he can’t really leave Liyue. He’s able to help you when you’re here with him, but he’s essentially powerless when you go to Mondstadt. Of course, he’s entertained the thought of just leaving for a bit and staying by your side to protect you. In the end, he always lets you leave for work with a light kiss to your forehead and a heavy feeling in his heart. 

You had accustomed him to your soft affections and gentle mannerisms. He was always reluctant in letting you leave, but he trusted your abilities and simply had to stew in his reluctance when you were gone. He often told you to simply call out his name if you were in trouble and he’d be there in a moment. To this you would simply smile and reassure him with soft kisses to the top of his head. It was a miracle when he had managed to convince you to take on more commissions and bounties in the Liyue area. It made it easier for him to come to your side for aid and also to watch over you. It also allowed for more frequent dates, which made both of you incredibly happy. 

You always had the most interesting stories from your time adventuring. When you two were relaxing on loving moonlight nights, he looked forward to the smile on your face when you spoke in detail about your commissions. He was silent and let you speak, paying full attention to you. Xiao loved the silence and peace. He hated when humans would talk for hours on end, it was unnecessary and wasted his time. However, this sentiment didn’t carry on with you. 

He often urged you to talk about your day and the people you met. Xiao does everything he can to coax more of your sweet voice out. Your voice had always been like music to his ears. For you, he could bear not being alone. For you, he was carving out hours of his day to cuddle and listen to you speak. 

That was until everything changed with your adventuring routes. Previously, right after you switched from Mondstadt routes, the Guild had kept you near the Wangshu Inn and around the Qingce Village area. However, due to increased demand for your services, you had been moved South towards Liyue Harbor. The adventures you went on now were much simpler, but much more boring. You’d complain to your boyfriend about how you had to talk to too many people and how exhausting it was for you. Xiao would listen intently and offer a comforting embrace, silently happy that at least you weren’t out risking your life every day.  

His concern began when you moved on from random requests and commissions with different people to a more stable and consistent job. You had accepted a job from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor as a one time thing, but your skill and agreeability had earned you a more permanent position there. 

Your day to day job was to just assist and protect different members with finding and restoring relics across Liyue. However, it allowed you to move around more and actually engage in combat, a welcome change from before. You had helped the director herself, but your favourite employee to work with was Mr. Zhongli.  He was a tall and serious man, but he was powerful and amusing to talk to. 

The first adventure you had gone on with him, you couldn’t stop talking about it with Xiao when you came home that night. One adventure turned into ten quite quickly as the two of you made a habit of engaging in all your commissions with the parlor together. Zhongli as your companion in travel gave you a sense of stability and a feeling of safety when you were out in dangerous situations again. 

Every night you came back, you told Xiao about the mysterious and strong man’s aid to you. The passion you spoke of his power and of his intelligence in the culture of Liyue surprised him at first. As you kept talking about Zhongli, Xiao started to feel different. He was no longer eager to hear of your adventures because he felt something very strange now. 

Xiao has never felt afraid. At least, not truly. He is not afraid of death as he had accepted it long ago. Yet now you had given him something to live for and losing you would leave him back into a pit of despair, suffering, longing, and emptiness. Seeing you gush over the assistant to the funeral director filled him with a new unpleasant feeling. Heart numbing fear. 

He was careful to not let you know how he felt. He was nervous that you would view him as pitiful for what he truly felt in his heart. Bile would fill up in his throat when you talked about that man as he held your full attention. In response, Xiao would start to capture your mouth with a kiss if he sensed that you’d talk about Zhongli on your dates. It got you to shut up and restored his happiness for a moment. 

He felt guilty for interrupting you of course. Yet, he couldn’t muster up the courage to confront his own feelings of insecurity. The best he could do was try to prove to you how much he could offer. As his kisses began to get more heated, he found it fit to use his strength to carry you back to your shared bedroom. 

Out of curiosity, Xiao decided to actually look at this Mr. Zhongli one day. If he was feeling insecure before, oh man, any self confidence he had was now wrecked. The man was absolutely perfect with you. 

You were smiling and walking through the harbor-city side by side with the sharply dressed golden eyed man. The walk that the two of you had was powerful. The men and women of Liyue whispered behind you two about how cute the both of you were. Xiao silently watched as you two sat at the tea house and drank tea in silence. Zhongli had never taken his loving and intent gaze off of you. The Yaksha took in more of the man’s appearance. He was much taller than Xiao was and carried himself with a royal sort of dignity. As the two of you finished your tea, the man made a move to pay for your tea by charging it to the funeral parlor. He’s rich too, Xiao thinks sourly. What doesn’t he have? He has enough when Zhongli’s resoundingly deep voice tells you how well you fought today. If Xiao sounded like that he would never want to shut up.  

He goes back into his bad habits of distancing himself and retreating back into his own silence. His awful self loathing that you worked hard to remove has manifested itself again and begun lashing out on you. Brushing you off, short snappy responses, and hardly responding to anything. This results in you thinking you did something wrong. 

Oh how the adeptus breaks when he sees you try to make him Almond Tofu and various other small gifts to please him. He knows you didn’t do anything, but all he wants is you to free yourself from him and spend your life with someone who could provide so much more than he could. 

In your shared bedroom, he would be physically present, but he was silent and hardly even looked at you. He could hear your muffled tears at night when you thought he was asleep. It took everything within him to not turn to you and let you lay your head in his chest and leave kisses across your face after he dried away your tears. It hurt him again when he heard you asking Verr Goldet if she could help you plan a nice surprise for him. As he stayed to listen, he had to listen to the innkeeper give you kind words as you broke down explaining what it was for.

All your advances towards his forgiveness and love go rejected. He decides that it would be better for you in the long run if it was like this. He stays cold, at least until he sees something that pushes him back to your side. 

His pity party and moping is interrupted by the strangest feeling in his heart. Something painful crackles and burns inside of him. He’s not sure how he knows, but he feels that something is very wrong with you. 

Xiao was not called the adeptus of speed for no reason. The speed in which he reached you was one he had not used for hundreds of years. 

You weren’t in any life threatening danger, but the bond that you two shared was. He could see Zhongli gently move a strand of your hair behind your ear. You had a more nervous smile on your face. 

“How fascinating, Y/N” his voice breaks the silence, “Your abilities seem to get stronger every day,” he continues praising you.

Your face flushes a light pink and you look down, breaking the gaze between you two. “You’re too kind, Mr. Zhongli, but I wouldn’t have been able to grow so much without your guidance,”

The golden eyed man smiles at this as he leans in slightly closer to you, “In that case, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” 

Xiao clears his throat as he steps out from the bushes and stalks towards you with a glower on his face. You look at your lover in surprise, not seeing or hearing his voice in quite some time. 

“Actually, she’s already taken so you can take your leave now,” his words filled with venom. He doesn’t even try to be subtle as he holds his emerald spear by his side in warning to the man who tried to make a move on you. 

Zhongli nods, “I understand, sorry for intruding,” as he leaves. Xiao’s watchful gaze not leaving him until he’s far out of sight. Your adeptus moves to your side and engulfs you in a warm hug that he wishes to convey all of his feelings of love into. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, it was unnecessary and you didn’t even do anything wrong. Give me a chance,” he seldom begs, “please,” he adds. His golden eyes piercing into your soul and displaying such regret. 

You don’t respond, but you lean closer to him and press your lips softly against his. He forgot how much he missed this. 

Oh how stupid he was for not letting you know how much he adored you known more. Well, now he had the time to make it up to you. He brings you towards the cliffside and the two of you sit down together once more, the bond shared between you too also renewed. 

As you look at him, he lets you lean on his shoulder and look at the sun’s light beginning to wane as the sky was touched with beautiful pastel pinks and purples. 

“I love you, Y/N” he whispers softly as he nuzzles his face into your H/C hair. 

“Hmm, I love you too, Xiao,” you respond sweetly and relax under his presence.

The brown haired Archon chuckled lightly as he watched his Adeptus gently place his arm around your waist. He was happy that the cold guardian had finally found someone to love and someone to take care of him in return. When the time was necessary, Morax was ready to bring a contract to let the two of you spend the rest of eternity together, as two soulmates should. 

a/n Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a like and some feedback, please.