#I was sad and then I made myself feel better at the sacrifice of sleep

[satorkive]

REWIND: JUJUTSU TECH—2006

“gojo-sensei, i’m home.”

megumi who just got home from school called out for his teacher. his training with nobara and itadori ended a little bit late.

he found gojo sleeping in the couch with a laptop on. he stared at his teacher’s face with dry tears streaked on his cheeks. megumi who became curious because gojo didn’t let his vulnerability out and he’s probably crying because of something he had watched.

there were various tapes scattered around the table and the laptop had the pause button. he quietly placed himself in front of the laptop and pressed the play button.

in the beginning there was darkness, but a girl their age or probably older than them sat in front of the camera.

she looked pretty. megumi thought in awe. although there was a dull look in your eyes and your skin looked like blood had been drained out of you, you looked effortlessly stunning.

“satoru, if you ever watched this tape, i’m already dead.”

megumi slowly blinked at your blunt words. oh.

you let out a humorless laugh. “i’m sorry for my… vulgar words, satoru. i…” you looked down as you played with your fingers on your lap.

“y’know how i have this weird, but strong sense of intuition that always happened when i predict? i have that feeling—the exception is, i can feel it in my soul that i would already die. in this mission. that the higher ups assigned to me.”

the spiky-haired boy observed how you took a deep breath as if you were resisting the urge to burst out.

“i’m sad because i won’t be there to witness you slaughtering them.” you gave the camera a sweet smile.

your smile dropped and you looked away from the camcorder. the grainy effect made you look more… vintage. just a memory from the past. you were once someone’s person and now you were just someone’s memory…

“i’m sorry if i wouldn’t be able to fulfill my promise to you—to never leave you behind. i’m sorry if i wouldn’t be there to wipe your tears when you cry. i’m sorry if i wouldn’t be able to lend my shoulders for you to cry on. i…” your voice cracked and tears started to fall like crystals on your cheeks.

megumi could feel the pain she’s feeling and his lips turned into frown.

“i’m sorry if i was giving up, not bothering to fight for my life because to be honest, satoru, i ask myself at night with the question: who am i doing this for?”

when the teenage boy looked at you, he felt like you were seeing him. like you were sitting in front of him, asking a simple question.

“is it for the civilians so they won’t have to endure anymore? is it for the children so they won’t have to go to war anymore? is it for the future so they would be able to live a peaceful life? or…”

“is it for the selfish elders who send children to fight for the sins they have committed?”

oh.

“why do the children have to pay for their forefathers’ sins?”

a sob broke you out and megumi could only watch in pain as you went hysterical.

it was saddening to see you—a person who clearly the world doesn’t deserve—need to sacrifice your life for the betterment of the world.

that’s how a jujutsu sorcerer works, unfortunately. you clearly don’t belong in this world. in this cruel, awful world.

“whoever manages to find this tape, i hope you will take care of my friends—satoru, suguru, and shoko. i hope you will give them the patience to grieve and to mourn. i hope you will be able to give them the care and support they deserved. i hope you will be able to see them for who they are, and not for what they are. i hope you will be able to see hope during the darkest times. and i hope you will be able to feel grateful even if your life is just a borrowed time.” you tilted your head and delicately smiled.

you let out a last giggle. “this is [last name][name], signing off. goodbye.” you pulled the camera closer to your face and gave a smooch.

the laptop went black and megumi could only blankly stare at the wall.

what a world they live in.

such a life doomed from the start and they could only wait as death came for their friend.

what a… life.

you didn’t know then, your death is the beginning of all tragedies.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Christmas Cuddles

Currently dealing with a bad period myself so this is purely a self-indulgent fic 💞💋

Warnings; Soft and fluffy, not canon, no vecna. 💞

Hi everyone :) I'm going on a little mini break for the holidays so I would like to wish you all a lovely few days ahead whether you celebrate the holidays or not 😘

Big hugs and lots of positive vibes to anyone feeling sad or not in the holiday spirit 💞💞

💞

There was only a week left until Christmas, it was the last day of high school before winter break.

Yn had made it as far as trying unsuccessfully to get out of bed before the worst period cramps had her lay back down and give up.

On top of the period from hell was the sniffles as her mother called it. Not quite a cold but not far off.

Her body was aching and she couldn't stop sneezing. This December had been so busy and she wasn't taking care of herself as she should.

Her boyfriend Eddie insisted that she slowed down and would always help her relax when she was with him but this flu bug had hit her hard after she tried to fight it off all week.

With her energy depleted she just slept most of the morning. Eddie had a Hellfire Christmas celebration planned so at least we wouldn't catch this bug.

A little while later her landline ringing wakes her and she grudgingly gets up shivering and snuggled tightly into her fluffiest, softest dressing gown.

It was Eddie.

"Sweetheart? I've been calling you on and off for the last hour. You weren't at school or Hellfire, Are you okay princess?" she feels her heart flutter, he was such a sweet boyfriend.

"I'm fine babe, just bad cramps and I caught that stupid flu bug that is going around"

"You're sick? Oh, baby, I'll end Hellfire early. Come take care of you" she doesn't want him to do that. He's put so much work into this campaign.

"No you worked so hard on this campaign, I'll be fine babe. I'll see you later okay?" he grudgingly agrees and she assures him she is fine.

"I love you Eddie, I swear I'll be okay"

"I love you too sweetheart, I'll be as quick as I can" once he is off the phone she snuggles back into bed and tries to sleep of the worst of the cramps.

💞💞

She wakes to Eddie fluffing her pillow and peering at her concerned.

Wait a minute? Is she in some fever induced dream? Eddie's lips press to her forehead and she smiles, he really is here.

Her alarm clock reads that it's only been half hour since he got off the phone.

He's carrying a bag full of stuff and she sits up still feeling sore.

"Eddie love, I told you to stay at Hellfire" he frowns.

"My princess needed a noble knight to help her feel better and I accepted the quest. Anything to help my girl, who needs many, many kisses and cuddles"

He was so sweet. She squeezes his hand.

"I don't want you to get sick" he shakes his head.

"I won't and if I do it's a noble sacrifice if it means you feel better" he dives into the bag.

"Uh, I don't know if you use tampons or pads so I got both. Also this" he pulls out a big bar of chocolate, flu meds and an adorable teddy in the shape of a bat.

"Oh, Eddie. This is so sweet thank you. Where did you find this little cutie?" she hugs the bat close to her chest.

"Found him at the mall last week. Was saving him as a Christmas present for you but you need a pick me up so he's yours little earlier"

He sits on the bed strips to his boxers and cuddles up beside her and he gently begins to massage her back and belly.

"Just relax baby, I've got you' she sighs contently and cuddles close to him.

"Shall I make you a hot chocolate princess? Watch some Christmas movies?" she nods happily and he puts on a VHS of The Santa Claus.

Eddie makes the hot chocolate and stays close to her, he barely leaves her side and strokes her hair giving her soft kisses and holding her tight.

"Thank you for looking after me love" she tells him gratefully and he softens.

"Anything for you Princess",

💞💞.

[wantsobadminsung]

Broken heart on the beach 🙁 🏖️ 🐚

I walked hand in hand with my eight friends along the sandy shoreline, feeling the soft breeze on my face. It was a beautiful summer day and we had decided to spend it at the beach, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the refreshing waves of the ocean. My heart fluttered with excitement as I glanced at Minho and Jisung, the two guys I had secretly fallen in love with.

As we reached the water's edge, laughter filled the air. Christopher, Seungmin and Jeongin splashed each other playfully, while Felix and Changbin tackled each other into the waves. Hyunjin, always the reliable one, stayed close to me, sensing my unease. He knew about my feelings for Minho and Jisung, and he had been the one person I confided in.

But today, the sight of Minho and Jisung together, their laughter and affectionate gestures, tugged at my heartstrings. They were in a relationship, and it pained me to see them so blissfully unaware of my affection. I tried my best to hide my emotions and joined in the laughter, masking my true feelings behind forced smiles.

Just as I was about to dip my toes in the water, a sudden muscle spasm shot through my leg, taking me by surprise. Panic washed over me as I struggled to keep myself afloat. Fear consumed my thoughts, and I shouted for help, my voice choked with desperation.

Within seconds, Hyunjin, who was already by my side, sprang into action. He swiftly swam towards me, his arms strong and steady. "Don't be scared, YN," he reassured me, his voice calm amidst the chaos. "I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you."

In his protective embrace, I felt a mix of gratitude and sadness. Gratitude for his quick response and willingness to help, but sadness because it was him, not Minho or Jisung, who came to my rescue. I couldn't help but feel invisible to the two guys who held my heart captive.

As Hyunjin brought me safely back to the shore, I noticed the worry etched on his face. He gently laid me down on the sand and signaled for the others to gather around. Minho and Jisung finally noticed my distress and hurried towards me, concern filling their eyes.

"I'm okay," I murmured softly, brushing off their worry. "I just need a moment alone. I think I'll go back to the hotel and rest."

Hyunjin interjected, offering his assistance once again. "Do you want me to come with you? I can stay by your side until you feel better."

I mustered a small smile and shook my head. "Thank you, Hyunjin, but I'll be fine. I just need some time alone."

The disappointment was evident in Hyunjin's eyes, but he respected my decision. The rest of our friends gathered around, expressing their concern and offering their support. I felt a bittersweet pang in my heart as I realized how lucky I was to have such caring friends, even if my feelings for two of them were left unrequited.

As I made my way to my hotel room, tears welled up in my eyes, silently falling down my cheeks. I knew that confessing my love for Minho and Jisung would only complicate our friendship and potentially destroy the beautiful relationship they shared. It was a painful sacrifice I had to make, for the sake of preserving the harmony of our friendship.

In the solitude of my room, I allowed myself to cry, releasing the pent-up emotions that had been weighing me down. It was a difficult realization to accept, but I knew that keeping my feelings hidden was for the best. So, with a heavy heart, I closed my eyes and let sleep take over, hoping that tomorrow would bring a renewed sense of strength.

The night was restless as my thoughts kept circling back to the events of the day. I couldn't shake off the feeling of loneliness that washed over me. It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that the ones I loved were out of my reach, oblivious to my affection.

Determined to distract myself, I decided to take a stroll along the moonlit beach. The gentle sound of waves crashing against the shore provided a soothing backdrop as I walked, my footsteps leaving imprints in the sand.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice behind me. It was Hyunjin, his footsteps matching mine as he caught up to me. "Mind if I join you?" he asked softly, his voice carrying a mix of concern and understanding.

I smiled softly at him, grateful for his presence. "Not at all, Hyunjin. It's nice to have someone to talk to."

We walked in comfortable silence for a while, the moon casting its ethereal glow on the water. Finally, I couldn't contain my thoughts any longer.

"Hyunjin, what do you think about love?" I ventured, testing the waters. "Do you believe that some connections are just not meant to be?"

He paused for a moment, his eyes focused intently on the horizon. "Love is a complicated thing, YN," he replied, his voice gentle. "Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where we have to make difficult choices, and it's not always fair or easy."

His words hit home, resonating deeply within me. "What if you love someone, but you can't be with them?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

Hyunjin sighed, a mixture of empathy and sadness crossing his face. "It's a painful place to be, YN. But sometimes, love means letting go. It means preserving the happiness we share with the people we care about, even if it breaks our own hearts."

His words struck a chord within me, and tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the truth in his wisdom. Love wasn't always about possessing someone or being possessed. Sometimes, it meant sacrifice and putting the happiness of others before our own.

As we continued our walk, a sense of peace settled over me. Hyunjin's presence had provided solace, reminding me that I wasn't alone in my struggles. He had always been there, supporting me, even when I didn't realize it.

Back at the hotel, I said my goodnights to Hyunjin, feeling a deep sense of gratitude for his friendship. He had been my rock, my confidant when I needed it the most.

In the solitude of my room, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, finding strength in the realization that love wasn't always about romantic relationships. It could be found in deep friendships too.

As I drifted off to sleep, I vowed to cherish the bond I shared with all my friends, including Minho and Jisung. And in doing so, I hoped to find a love and happiness of my own, even if it wasn't the one I had initially imagined.

[boxedtoast]

Tell him or tell him not

(Prisjake)

•

I don’t have an account on any fanfiction site but I can post here. 

•

I don’t really write or post fanfiction but felt like making one recently. Normally I keep this stuff to myself cuz I’m a bit shy about it, but felt like posting it this time. I normally don’t write this stuff so sorry if it’s a little odd. Ummm enjoy???

•

Prismo slipped through the magenta halls and into a room, sliding his way up the stairs and onto a wall.

He looked down at the sleeping old man below him.

His eye narrowed before snapping his fingers. The man quickly reverting back to his original form: a familiar yellow dog.

Prismo stared at the sleeping dog, more pleased now. He watched as the dog snuggled into the bed, wrapped in a soft blanket. His breathing steady, and snores soft and subtle. 

The sight gave both comfort and pain. 

It was nice to see his beloved friend again. Just lying before him. Happy, safe, and… alive.. but could never awaken from his slumber as a sacrifice to bring Prismo back to life.

He leaned over and gave a small, wobbled, smile. But the smile would not hold for long.

“ You’d think seeing you here would make me feel just the slightest bit better, but it seems to only bring back feelings of sadness and regret.” He said, moving his gaze away from the bed. “ Even if you are, technically, still here, you’ll never go on adventures like you used to. Joke like you used to. Run. Laugh. Have fun.” 

He stopped himself before letting out a sigh.

“ You were always such a joy to have around, y’know. Just a light that everyone was drawn to like a moth.” He chuckled, “ No wonder I fell so hard for you-“

He quickly interrupted himself, a wave of embarrassment following.

He stood there for a moment. Expecting a response of sorts- wait. Why was he waiting for a response? He’s asleep.

Wait a minute.

He’s asleep. 

He could just let his heart out and not have to face the awkwardness of rejection! It wasn’t like he could hear anything he was saying, right? It was a chance to get everything off his chest.

     There was so much to say. 

          So much he WANTED to say.

But would it be worth saying now, despite knowing that it would fall on deaf ears? Would saying it only bring him back more pain?

…whatever. It’s not like he wasn’t hurting anyway.

He looked back at the yellow dog, determined. “ Jake,” he started, “ There are so many things that I wanted to tell you. So many things that I should’ve told you.”

“ I wanted to tell you all this for so long, but I was too much of a coward to ever say anything.” His face warmed, his stance slightly shaken. 

“ I… I wanted to tell you that I cared about you.. a lot. Probably more than I should have. You were just another mortal coming to my time room for a wish- well. Not really. You were more there to stop the Li- ugh! Whatever.” He recollected himself, “ The point is.. I normally wouldn’t have gotten that close with a visitor, but you were a special case.” 

“ You were like a beam of fun energy. Someone I could never get sick of. Someone I just wanted to be around at all times.” He explained.

“ I was always chatting with you.

 Laughing with you.

Smiling with you.

You were my favorite person in the entire multiverse. All I ever wanted was to spend time with you.

You made me feel like a friend. A person. Not just some powerful being in the center of time with the power to grant any wish and universe.

You weren’t here for my power.

You were here for me. And only me.”

Prismo stared at him lovingly. This was it. He was going to say it. “ Jake, I-“ he paused.

He felt sick. Embarrassed. He wanted to stop, but he had to say it. 

“ Jake, I-“

Did he really need to? It wasn’t like he was in a rush. Maybe he can save it for another da- no. He has to. It’s either now or never.

He took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and began to speak, “ Jake, I… I appreciate you for everything. I’m grateful for every moment we ever shared together. I’m happy that I was ever able to meet a person like you who made me feel so special. Jake…..I love you.”

He finally said it. 

A wave of relief flowed through his body as the giant weight was lifted from his chest.

“ I’ve loved you for so long, but I could never gain the courage to ever tell you. I didn’t want to ruin anything. I knew about the possibilities that would come if I did, so I never took that chance. But I felt like you deserved to know. Whether or not you ever felt the same, I just needed to say it. I love you, Jake. I love you so much.”

Silence.

“ I love you, Jake.”

Silence. 

He was getting desperate.

“ Jake, I love you.”

Nothing. Not a single sound came from the dog.

His emotions began to stir. Why was he getting so worked up about this?

He didn’t want a response. So why did he want one so bad?

“ Jake, can you hear me? I said I love you!”

His eyes began to sting. The silence was killing him.

“ Jake, I love you!” He yelled.

“ I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!” He repeated, “ Please, can you just say something? Anything? ..Just one word?”

Nothing.

Prismo collapsed, and so did the tears he was holding back.

His face flushed as loud wails filled every crevice of the room. Hot tears pooling in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

He shouldn’t have said anything.

• Part two

[xtrafluffyteddy]

My biggest regret.

Pairing: Eddie munson x reader, Steve harrington x reader, Billy Hargrove x reader

Mentions: character death, getting vecnad, depression.

I made myself a little sad with this one yall

The gate was finally closed but at the cost of you. You had insisted to the boys that you’d be bait that only you could defeat Vecna that el was to weak at her current state.

When you kissed them each for one last time they couldn’t help but feel like you were telling them good bye as you climbing into the saltwater pool “I’ll be back before you know it” you reassured to the three words boys “you better or I’ll come out and drag you out myself” Billy sniffs turning his head so you can’t see him tear up “your strong sweetheart you’ll defeat him” Eddie squeezes your hand gently petting your hair back giving you a watery smile “come back to us” Steve pleads eyes holding nothing by worry.

You didn’t come back, you did the only thing you could to save your town and your friends and family and took Vecna down with you trapping him within your mind killing your physical body.

Everything felt like it was in slow motion as the boys pulled your cold body from the tub and began trying to bring you back, none of it worked you were gone and the hopelessness took ahold of them.

“I’m so sorry-“ Dustin began reaching for Steve and Eddie who looked almost shell shocked at the fact you were actually gone that you were gonna come back. How were they gonna tell Hopper that you were gone. How were they gonna be able to sleep in the apartment you all once shared. “Billy-“ max began as she saw her step brother trying to keep it together “Billy” she repeated as he slammed his fist into the wall and began silently crying covering his face with his hands.

The walk up the stairs to yalls shared apartment felt like hell, knowing you won’t be waiting for them like you always were when they got off work always greeting them with a “hi welcome home!” And that dumb smile you gave them that always seemed to melt away the stress of the day.

Billy was the one who unlocked the door Steve and Eddie still to out of it even contemplate the fact you were really gone. They all fought the urge to say ‘were home’ knowing no one was gonna answer back this time.

They all trudged to yalls shared room and took in the sight of the messy bed hearts getting caught in their throats as they saw a note gently folded ontop of your pillow with your handwriting splayed out on the front of it.

Eddie picked it up with his shaky hands swallowing thickly as he read “for the boys” fingers tracing over your handwriting before he opens it he clears his throat and quickly wipes his eyes as he begins reading”

“To my dearest boys,

As I write this I can hear you three bickering in the living room over who’s gonna fight Vecna in stead of me, Robin is standing at my side, I think she knows this a goodbye letter but she hasn’t said anything about it yet

That said, she did promise me if anything happens that she’d make sure y’all found this letter. She said she owes me for saving her from the rabies filled demobats”

Eddie chokes up a bit tears dripping onto the page at the thought of you writing this all alone while they were arguing instead of spending precious time with you. Steve then decides to take over and continues reading.

“I’m sorry I’m leaving so soon. I never would have imagined myself choosing to sacrifice myself over spending what little time we have left before the upside down got us with you three

I’m gonna die soon, that much I know

But I’ll die without regrets…

Or that’s what I’d like to say to you three

The truth is, I do have one.

Steve gently wipes his eyes as he takes a shaky breath fingers digging into the paper as he tries to compose himself. Billy ends up taking the letter from him.

“I never got to marry you…

With love,”

He reads your name out and feels like all the air had been taken from his lungs as he looks at the other two who are full on sobbing at this point.

All Billy, Steve and Eddie can do is slide down the wall Billy clutching the letter close to his chest, all of them thinking about how even when you knew you were gonna die that you were gonna sacrifice yourself for them you still wanted to make sure they knew you loved them more than life itself.

[boohoolou]

Lous' Lavish List: All The K-Dramas I have Watched In Order Of Sadness (Update #3)

Mr. Sunshine: Would Not Wish The Pain I Felt Watching This On Anyone But Would Absolutely Watch Again/10

Chicago Typewriter: Cry Myself To Sleep Thinking About It/10

Goblin: She's The Queen Of The K-Dramas (Traumas) For A Reason

Third Charm: Developed Trust Issues Because Of This/10

Uncontrollably Fond: Why Bother Loving, Living and Laughing If All I Feel Is Pain/10

Navillera: I Was Foolish To This It Would Be A Cute Ballet Drama/10

Hymn Of Death: Based On A True Story? More Like Rip My Heart Out And Stamp On It/10

Squid Game: The Unjustice Games Because They Deserved BETTER/10

D.P: Jung Hae-In Breaking Down Feels Like Rain Of Daggers/10

Snowdrop: Made Me Believe In Love Again And Then Killed My Heart/10

Twenty-Five, Twenty One: I Was There For The Vibes, Left With A Hollow Heart/10

It's Okay Not To Be Okay: Absolutely Extraordinary Characters/10

Tomorrow: Tasteful Heart Wrench/10

Extracurricular: Takes The Throne Of They Deserved Better Trope/10

The Sound Of Magic: Justice For My Babies/10

All Of Us Are Dead: I Want To Be Dead After Watching This/10

Sweet Home: I would Sacrifice Myself For Most Characters (Human Or Not)/10

Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha: Beautiful And Intense At Times/10

Crash Landing On You: Why Do Borders Exist/10

Hellbound: Confusion Overload But Heartbreaking Nonetheless/10

My Name: The Perfect Man, Indeed, Does Not Exist (Anymore)/10

Youth Of May: Kind Of Expected More Damage/10

Itaewon Class: Screaming My Lungs Out With Saeroyi/10

Are You Human?: Never Imagined Falling In Love With A Robot/10

Reply 1988: Nostalgia For A Place & A Time I Was Never Part Of/10

Descendants Of The Sun: Not As Sad As I Expected/10

Memories Of The Alhambra: Set In My Home Countries WooHoo/10

Hospital Playlist: Not Quite Grey's Anatomy, More Wholesome, But A Tearjerker Sometimes/10

Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth: Funny Until It's Not (Painful)/10

My First First Love: Second Lead Syndrome Going Strong/10

Hotel Del Luna: Expecting The Ending Doesn't Help With The Grief/10

Hello My Twenties/Age Of Youth: Wholesome Friendship=Drama Of A Lifetime/10

Nevertheless: More Frisky Than Sad/10

Love Alarm: We Don't Talk About Season/10

Abyss: Cute, Intense, Unsad/10

Cheese In The Trap: Funny, But Second Lead Syndrome Hits Hard/10

Strong Girl Bong Soon: The Perfect Drama/10

Bad And Crazy: Insane Hottness And The Perfect BRomance

Our Beloved Summer: The Ultimate Vibes/10

Suits: Unserious, Quite Boring, Ninette Is The Star/10

One Spring Night: There For The Single Dad/10

Chocolate: Only Watched For The Cooking/10

[iheartchv]

🌴STAY-CATION🐢

Summer Vacation themed challenge, hosted by: @leosgirl82 @turtle-babe83 and @thelaundrybitch 💗💙❤💜🧡

Prompt(s): “Well, that didn’t go as planned…”

//Taking the weekend to myself must've worked; I tried to get this done what with little time and motivation I had :3 hope you enjoy it~🌴🌈 💖

You had been waiting for this. It was the reason why you endured your school/work place all year. Vacation.... you needed one badly.... You saved up money for it, and now that you were ready, your dream vacation slipped from your hands. All the spots were filled, and other vacation spots were out of your budget.

"Ugh! Why??" you whined. Your heart felt crushed... no, it felt like your entire soul was crushed. All that time and sacrifices you made to go on vacation.. wasted.

You texted Donnie saying that your vacation was cancelled... you weren't going anywhere. When you explained, he said he was sorry to hear that, and that if there was something him and his brothers could do to make you feel better, they'd do it. You didn't want to sound rude or anything, so you texted him back that you'd think about it.

Setting your phone down beside you, you sighed as you flopped backwards on your bed. So much for getting your hopes up... Well, you could use the vacation time and be off for a week/ home for the summer...

🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴

Later you heard taps on your bedroom window. You looked and saw Leo... and Donnie, Raph, and Mikey. You rushed to open the window.

"What're you guys doing here?"

"We heard what happened, so I thought-"

"WE"

"-we, but mostly me, thought that we'd bring the vacation to you."

The notion touched your heart. You smiled at the turtles. "Awww, guys, you didn't have to."

"True, but we wanted to."

"What kind of friends would we be if we left you all sad and moppy?"

"So... are you gonna let us in?" Leo asked with a smile.

You stepped out the way so they could all come in in a turtle pile. You then put your hands on your hips. "So, what do you have planned?"

"You'll see." Mikey grinned.

🌴🗽🏙🌇🌆🌃🗽🌴

So far your staycation was going great. The first night was a sleepover movie night that included pizza and other goodies to snack on. The next night was to go swimming at one of the public swimming pools after closing. That night was when you noticed (Leo/Raph/Donnie/Mikey) acting unusal; he suddenly acted shy toward you, and not even able to look you in the eye for more than a second, like his attention was elsewhere. You decided to question him before they went home.

~♡~♡~

"Hey, (L/R/D/M), I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, what is it?" he asked.

"Did... did you not like my swim suit? Was it ugly, was it..."

"No, no, it looked good on you, it's..." He sighed. He looked like he was struggling with what he wanted to say next. His eyes locked with yours, and they seemed to soften. "You looked really good," he smiled sheepishly. "Don't ever doubt if you look anything less than that. Take it from me," he then said with sad looking eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat hearing that. Why did being here alone with him, and hearing him tell you that, make you feel... tingly inside? He was your best friend for quite sometime now, and these feelings never been here before... You blushed and replied,"Thanks," with a small smile. You notice the look in his eyes and replied,"You look good, too... for a mutant turtle."

He gave you a small smile back, one that he always gave you, and it made your heart race this time. Surely you couldn't be... "Well, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Okay. Bye~"

As he ran to jump to the top of a building he waved back at you. You waved back and felt butterflies in your tummy. You replayed his words in your head, and you couldn't stop your heart from pounding so hard or the thoughts that ran through your mind at a millions miles. You haven't felt this way about anyone since your junior high school days... you had a crush on him... You tried (to no avail) to get some sleep for the next day of your staycation.

🌴🗽🏙🌇🌆🌃🗽🌴

The last couple of nights was going to be spent with just (Leo/Raph/Donnie/Mikey). He didn't have any plans in mind, so he let you pick what you two can do; he was fine with your choice. You thought about it for a minute. "Maybe we can watch the sunset?"

"Sure thing." He smiled at you, and your heart raced. He picked you up and held you close to him as he was jumping from rooftop to rooftop, reaching a pretty high point where you could see the bright orangish colored sun start to disappear. You both sat on the edge of the building and watched the sky change colors.

The sky was beautiful, but this time it was more beautiful than any other time before. Watching the sunset was how you and (L/R/D/M) bonded, till the dawn broke. You looked over to him, and a dorky smile crossed your face. He looked... so magnificent, so heroic in the sun's rays. It seemed fitting for a hero of New York. You broke the awkwardly silence between you.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

He looked over at you then, and then quickly looked back at the setting sun, looking bashful. He'd be blushing if turtles could. His heart thumped hard in his chest. The way the sunlight caught in her eyes and hair... he just thought you looked beautiful, more gorgeous than the sunset...

You then said, with a small blush on your cheeks,"You know, we haven't done this in a while... I wish we could do it more often..."

"Yeah, me too. I miss how we used to stay up all night and just, ya know, hang out... Didn't have a care in the world."

He didn't notice you moved closer to him. He was aware of you now, he could feel the warmth of your body beside him. His eyes looked back and forth between you and the sky.

"I've always felt peaceful watching the sunset, but since I met you, having you watching the sunset with me feels... even more peaceful... like I'm in my own world... our own little world..." he softly smiles.

Your heart felt so warm and fuzzy, your belly filled with butterflies. You pressed your head against his forearm, resting it there as you saw the last bits of the sunset colors disappear. "If I could, I'd stay here forever."

He gave a soft chuckle. "So would I, y/n." Getting past the tingly butterflies in his stomach and heart, he put an arm around your shoulders, holding you to him. "...So would I."

Feeling you so close to him, and his arm around you, you never felt so safe, so happy, so... There were so many emotions bubbling inside you. But joy, happiness, and an ever growing love bloomed in your heart for (Leo/Raph/Donnie/Mikey). You couldn't imagine a life without him, or ever not him and his brothers, along with their friends and Master Splinter. You felt like you belonged with him and their little family...

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[starry-hughes]

your daily mooch thoughts (bit of an angsty day):

tyler and mooch are so in love. i know i say it a lot. but it was literally love at first sight. they are soulmates. they would do anything for each other. mooch literally gives up her happiness because she wants tyler to have the best. mooch would watch him fall in love with someone else if it made him happy. she cares so much about his happiness.

speaking of mooch giving up everything for people to be happy. the girl has gone through it. she moved to michigan and away from toronto for her brothers, she thought pursuing hockey would make her family proud, she broke up with tyler for what she thought would be his happiness, she stops hanging out with jack’s friends because he didn’t want her to hang out with them. she would sacrifice her happiness for everyone else.

mooch wanted her and kent to work out so bad. she wanted to love him like she loves tyler. she was comparing them in her head so much. she thought if she could convince herself to love kj, her problems would disappear. she calls alex one night and tells him everything and says how she’s trying so hard to love kj and alex is really sad and tells her “squish, you can’t force yourself to love someone.” and she just chokes back a sob and says “but i need to get over tyler. i have to fix myself.”

mooch compares herself to her brothers a lot and feels like she isn’t doing everything she can. she doesn’t score enough goals, she doesn’t defend the puck well, she doesn’t score on the powerplay. and then if she’s the reason the canucks lose (like she takes a penalty that leads to a goal) she literally beats herself up so much about it. quinn always tries to make her feel better but nothing works.

someone starts a rumor that tyler is cheating on mooch at umich and it spreads fast. like mooch is in class and mark estapa calls her and is like “there’s this rumor going around. i have no idea if it’s true.” and mooch finds herself running back to kj for comfort even though it’s not true and she’s not even answering tyler’s calls about it. and he’s freaking out because he’s never once cheated on mooch.

jack and mooch are extremely close when she’s going through breakups. he will be in his room and it’s late and mooch knocks softly and she’s wrapped up in a blanket in jack’s doorway and he’s like “squish?” and she just goes “i can’t sleep jacky. i haven’t slept in days.” and jack gets really sad and let’s her sleep in his room, rubs her back until she falls asleep.

sometimes, the boys take the teasing about her going to ohio a little far. and they don’t realize how hard it hurts mooch. “your wouldn’t have lost if you had gone to umich,” luke teases after a game. mooch’s shoulders sink and luke is like “mooch, it’s just a joke.” and she’s really upset over it.

[lovebaela]

Ice & Fire ༄ Pt. 9 (Bran Stark x Targaryen oc fanfic)

⋇ Chapter 9: Home ⋇

Tsireya’s POV

After that vision Bran had, he changed a little bit. He seemed more colder, sadder. I felt bad for him. One night, while Meera was sleeping, I talked with him. “Bran,” I said, “issi ao mundagon? (Are you sad)” we both watched as his baby dragon flew around in the cold night sky. Our dragons were as big as cats now, boy do they grow fast. “Īles mirre nyke, (it was all me)” he said, “everything that happened…was because of me.” I remained silent, I felt sorry for him, but he was correct, it was because of him. “Lord Brynden, the singers, Hodor, and Jojen are all gone and it’s my fault,” he said. “You know, I was actually jealous of Jojen.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you loved him,” Bran told me. “I saw you two, when you kissed that one night. That’s why I was so angry, but I wasn’t angry at you, I was angry at myself. I didn’t know why, but now I do.” He looked deeply into my eyes, taking my hand, “I was upset because I never had the courage to do that. Tsireya, you’ve been by my side more than any of them. You were the one that kept me going through all of those rough times. It was always you. That one day, when we swam in the river, seeing that side of you made me see you differently. It made my feelings change towards you..”

My eyes didn’t leave his, “Bran,” I said, as if I were in a trance. “skoros issi ao nūmāzma naejot ivestragon? (What are you trying to say)”

“You are what always made me whole, the one who always made me feel like I was home again,” he explained. “skoros nyke nūmāzma naejot ivestragon iksis…(what I mean to say is)”

My heart skipped a beat as I heard him whisper, “Avy jorrāelan…”

“Bran,” I said, “I loved Jojen, but not the way you think I did…when he kissed me that night, and I closed my eyes, all I saw was you. It confused me, and I freaked out so I pushed him away.”

Bran opened his mouth, but I stopped him saying, “I felt different about you too, since that kiss. And when you rescued me, from that man, it made me realize how passionate you were for me…I could sense fire burning in your heart for me. I’ve always longed for home too. But I grew to realize that whenever I was with you, I was home…” I lean in closer to him, “Brandon, Avy jorrāelan tolī…”

I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat was fast. We both leaned in closer and our lips touched. We moved our faces back from each other, smiling. Bran’s lips felt smooth and comforting. We leaned in for another kiss.

Bran’s kiss felt more different than Jojen. Bran’s tasted…sweeter, more like home. No one has ever embraced me this much before, it was thrilling.

The moment was over once my dragon screeched quickly, startling us. We both blushed and then chuckled. “Okay, we’ll stop..” I giggled as I pet my dragon.

“That…was nice,” Bran said, still blushing, “…does this mean that you’re like…my lady now? O-Only if you want to be!” I giggled again and kissed his cheek, “yes I’d love to be your lady Bran, and you, my Prince…” I rested my head on his shoulder as I held my dragon. “Did you give her a name yet?” Bran asked me, whispering. “I think I know what to name her,” I said as I looked down at her, “Dreamdancer…” the dragon cuddled closer to me, in approval. “That’s a great name,” Bran said. He looked back up to the sky and called for his dragon, “come on you, it’s time for bed!” The dragon lightly hissed and then flew down to the other side of Bran, curling into a ball. “What about yours?” I asked him. “Snowstorm” he replied.

“You know,” I said. “I wondered why they hatched at the time they did, but now I think I understand. I think it had something to do with the sacrifice of our friends. After death, life was born…I don’t know, perhaps I’m crazy.”

“That could be possible,” Bran said, “We have to win, when the long night comes. Not only for the realm, but especially for them. They died protecting us, and now we shall protect the people.”

After that night, Bran’s spirits were much better. Poor Meera was still a bit cold to us because of Jojen’s death, which is understandable. I knew she deep down regretted that the two of them even did what they did. The dragons grew to be about the size of a horse. I read in the history books that dragons naturally grew quicker when they are able to fly around freely. Dreamdancer didn’t like to fly as much Snowstorm did due to the cold.

We made it to the gates of Castle Black, waiting for the gates to open. Bran had a quick view of where the dead were, they were coming, fast. The gates finally opened, with some men of the Night’s Watch coming out.

“Are you wildlings?” The man in front asked.

“No, I am Meera Reed, daughter of Howland Reed.” Meera said.

“I am Prince Brandon Stark,” Bran said. He then looked over at me saying, “and this is Tsireya Targaryen.”

“How do I know that you are truly the Prince?” He asked.

“The direwolves of my siblings,” Bran started. “I remember the day we found them, after my father did an execution. We found 6 of them. Greywind, Shaggydog, Lady, Nymeria, and Ghost.”

The man was still a bit hesitant to let of in, that is until our dragons hissed at him. All of the men quickly backed up, gasping.

“The Long Night is coming for us,” I announced, “You’ve seen the army of the dead. The Night King. We are the key to defeating them, you must let us in. The realm depends on it.”

He nodded, “Alright, let’s let them in.” We all follow them inside. Now, we were on our way to Winterfell. The men of the Night’s Watch were gracious enough to let us shelter, bathe, and feed us during our short stay. They even gave us horses to ride our way back.

“We are almost there!” I shouted as we all raced with horses.

“Just imagine it,” Meera smiled, “a warm, perfect bath…”

“And most importantly, better food!” Bran yelled, making us laugh.

Bran and I smiled as we looked up at the sky to see our dragons flying together. Though they argued at times, they truly cared for each other, ice and fire.

We were all so excited to get back, we didn’t want to rest! We kept riding until we finally made it. Before reaching the gates, we went through a crowd of Northerners. To my shock, they gave me dirty and rude looks. My excitement was swiftly destroyed. I quickly then remembered that I was a Summer Islander, a Targaryen foreigner. Bran looked over at me saying, “Hey, don’t worry about them. It doesn’t matter what they think of you.”

We finally made it to the gates of Winterfell, the gates were opened for us and we trotted in. We mounted off of our horses. Everyone surrounded us, making a commotion.

“What is going on?” We hear an awfully familiar voice ask. The person walked through the crowd to see us, but it wasn’t a random, average person. It was a woman grown, tall, with the red hair of her mother, and dressed like a true lady of her house. Her face immediately softened as soon as she saw us, “Bran? Tsireya? Oh my gods, is that really you?” We could see the tears in her eyes.

“Yes, Sansa,” I said, cracking my voice, trying not to break down, “It’s us…”

“We’ve come home…” Bran said weakly.

Not being able to hold our emotions back, we all ran to each other and gave a big group hug. “It felt like it was only yesterday, back when everything was normal, when we were happy,” Sansa sobbed, “When the word spread of your apparent “deaths” I broke down…I know you two weren’t as close with me as you were with Arya, but I truly missed you…”

Meera watched our reunion beside us, looking sad, we look at her and pull her in. “Thank you, for helping bringing them back,” Sansa smiled. “It was my honor to do so, my lady,” Meera replied. Sansa grabbed Bran’s hand and rose it up, “The King of the North is here!”

Bran and I both screamed, “what?!” We could barely even be heard due to the cheering throughout the courtyard. Suddenly, the cheers transitioned to screams, “what in the seven hells is that?!” People pointed and looked to the sky. It was our dragons! They swooped down and gracefully landed on our shoulders. Sansa was lost with words. We both look at each other and chuckled, “we…should go talk.” Without saying a word, she nodded.

It was only natural for us to have a talk in the godswood, it was our safe space, where we could open up to each other. Meera decided to go to her guest chamber and get some sleep.

When we made it to the godswood, We all sat down by the tree. “I wish Jon were here,” Sansa said, “He would have been ecstatic to see the both of you.”

“Where is he now?” I asked.

“In Dragonstone,” Bran answered. Sansa was surprised, “y-yes, he is! He is with the dragon queen, hoping to make her an ally and have her help with the Long Night.”

“Daenerys?” I asked, my eyes widened, “I…I didn’t know she was in Westeros.”

“Bran, how did you know?”

We told Sansa everything we went through, from when we escaped King’s Landing to how we got back. “Wow,” Sansa said, “So, let me get this straight. Bran, you now have the powers of some god-like man who was stuck to a tree…and Tsireya you can see parts of the future in your dreams? And you two are the key to ending the Long Night!? On top of that, you have dragons?!” Bran and I both looked at each other and then nodded. “My gods, you two went through a lot…” I took Sansa’s hand, “so have you, I believe.” She took a deep breath and told us what she experienced, well, told me, Bran probably saw it already. My heart broke for Sansa, “I’m so sorry, but when you think about it. Every single man that has crossed you is now dead. You, at the end, stood tall and survived, they didn’t. You are strong Sansa.” She smiled at me but it faded, “not all of them.”

She introduced us to a man named Peter Baelish, but he is more known to be called Little Finger. He gave Bran a devilish smile, “why hello, your grace.” Hearing that made Bran cringe, he wasn’t ready to be King. He looked at me saying, “And why hello, my future Queen.” He kissed my hand as I stood there in shock, “Q-Queen?” Sansa was also confused, “what are you talking about?” “Oh, forgive me,” he apologized, “I just assumed that the two of you were…courting?”

My face turned as red as a tomato, so did Bran’s. “W-Well, uh….we- we are…” he stumbled on his words, “you see we…”

Sansa turned to us, smirking, “Are you two…together?”

Embarrassed, Bran and I looked at each other, then looked away blushing with our eyes closed. We held our hands and nodded shyly.

“This is brilliant,” Little Finger said. “A Stark and a Targaryen, two Great houses of the 7 kingdoms, to be united, ice and fire!”

“Are you two planning to wed?” Sansa asked. “We could make the preparations, the great coronation and the grand wedding!”

“We…we’ll think about it,” Bran said, “but I’m afraid we are quite tired, from the journey. We will have our rest.”

Sansa and Little Finger accompanied us to our chambers. They almost looked exactly as it used to be, before Theon destroyed it. Bran visited my chamber, sitting next to me on my bed, “King of the North,” Bran scoffed, not believing this was reality, “me, a king…” I placed my hand on his, “hey, I’ll be by your side every step of the way…” he smiled back at me, licking his lips as he glanced down at mine.

He wants to kiss me, I thought to myself. I want to kiss him too, badly. Ever since our first kiss, we desired each other even more, it awakened something in us. “You know,” Bran said, playfully smirking, “getting married doesn’t sound too bad…” I grinned leaning my face closer to his whispering, “No, it doesn’t, I’d love to marry you.” I leaned even closer, making him think I was going to kiss his lips, but I tricked him, kissing his forehead instead. “Your grace,” I sang, teasing him. “Oh, shut up,” he chuckled, gently pushing me away. He stood up and looked through the window, watching Snowstorm fly through the winter sky. “I just wish, father were here,” he said, cracking his voice. “And mother, Rickon, Robb, Maester Luwin, Hodor, all of them…”

I got up from the bed and walked next to him, turning his body from the window to face me, “hey, you know it’s okay to cry?” “I always hated crying in front of you,” he confessed, “I didn’t want you to think of me as a weeping babe. I’ve always told myself, men don’t cry…” I took both of his hands, “Men confront their emotions, you shouldn’t fight it. Face your fears and sorrows…no matter how much you cry, I’ll always view you as a man.” He immediately broke down into tears, hugging me. Once he was finished he told me, “I don’t know how I would go on in this world without you.”

When it was morning, it was time for breakfast. Little Finger joined us, “did the two of you make your choice yet?” We both nodded. “We’ll do it,” Bran replied. “Wonderful,” he said with a grin. “So, marriage, is a big responsibility,” Sansa told us. “Of course!” I replied. “Have you…bled yet?” She asked me awkwardly. I nod, “why?” She clears her throat, “well, there are many things that come out of marriages like resources and peace. But there is also something else…children.”

Bran almost choked on his eggs, “c-children?” He quickly started to drink to get the food down his throat.

“Oh,” I said. I never really thought about that.

“And I assume you both know how that works?”

“Yes,” Bran answered awkwardly. I remember when I first bled, thank the gods Osha was there to help me. She explained everything to me about why it happens and what it meant for pregnancy.

“It’ll be important to have an heir for the North,” Little Finger said.

“The Dragon queen must be negotiated with,” Sansa told us, “she will never agree to the North’s independence. We need to show her that we are serious.”

“We’ll do it,” I told her, “but I’d like to request something.”

“Of course, what would that be?” Little Finger asked.

“For the wedding, we can have the ceremony in the godswood and do it the Westerosi Northern way, but I’d like to do it the traditional Valyrian way too,” I told them. I already talked with Bran about it before and he was okay with it.

“We’ll see what we can do,” Little Finger said.

As the past weeks went by, Bran and I grew closer with our dragons. Snowstorm thrives in the North a lot more than Dreamdancer, flying around in the sky and bigger in size. Poor Dreamdancer tried her best to adapt, but I liked having her sleep in a cage by the fireplace in my chamber. The only problem now is that she’s growing so fast that she’s about the size of a horse! We’ve spent a lot of time training with them.

Bran’s goal is to master warging into Snowstorm, but that may take a while.

One day, Little Finger wanted to speak with Bran, privately. I didn’t want him alone with that man, he seemed a bit sketchy. Sometime after their talk, Meera came to talk with me.

“I’m leaving,” she said, “I have to go back home, to my family. They’ll need me out there.” I was sad that she had to go, but I gave her a big hug and said my goodbyes.

After that, Bran and I went to the godswood. “There’s something I must tell you,” he said, “it’s about Jon.” “Is he okay?” I asked. He nodded, “it’s about his parents, true parents…”

“I thought that you both had the same father?”

“I thought so too, until I visited the past. He may be a Stark, but he isn’t really my father’s son. He’s the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and my aunt Lyanna, he’s a Targaryen! The true heir to the Iron Throne!”

I was so shocked to hear that, “Oh gods, I always felt a certain connection with Jon, but I never would have guessed it was because of that!” It was good to know there’s another Targaryen in the world, but then my heart sank, “How would Daenerys take that? She wants the Iron Throne…”

“That’s what I am afraid of,” Bran said, “After the Long Night, we may have another issue on our hands.”

We both hear footsteps approaching us, we turn around and see someone with Sansa, it’s Arya!

Bran and I both ran to her, giving her a big hug. “Thank goodness your alive!” I said, tearing up. “You don’t know how happy I was to hear you two were alive…” Arya said, “I missed you so much!” “As did we,” Bran agreed.

Bran said he had to show all of us something. He pulls out a dagger, Sansa and Arya gasp. “That’s the dagger the assassin used to try killing the two of you,” Arya said, like it happened yesterday. “But, how did you get it?” Sansa asked. “Little Finger gave it to me,” he replied. We were all immediately suspicious, “why?” “Perhaps he wants to gain my trust, he must want something,” he answered, “we need to be careful with him.”

We told Arya about the wedding. As we expected, she teased us saying, “I knew this would happen one day, Bran was head over heals for you when we were kids!” Bran’s face turned completely red, “s-shut up!” Our childhood selves were already coming back to us.

┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈

TAGLIST: @icarusignite

[barelyeversomewhere]

Analysing Sleep Token’s Take Aim from the perspective of religious trauma

I’ve had these thoughts on my mind for some time and I would like to share them. Note that I’m aware that this is most likely not the meaning intended by the band, it’s just my silly little interpretation as your local religiously traumatised person.

So first up, what instantly came to mind when I first heard the song was that the chorus resembles a worship song. A certain sense of nostalgia in the melody, simple lyrics so most people will remember the lyrics after one listen.

Since the rest of the song doesn’t really share similarities with worship music that much I will not dive deeper into this for now.

Let’s talk lyrics. (I will not take apart every line, just those that stand out to me).

“Wait, won’t you wait for me?”

To me, this sounds like such an innocent, yet confused question. The speaker finds themselves in a situation where they feel left behind by God and cannot quite comprehend how that could happen as they were promised eternal love and someone who cares for them at all times.

“How you love like weapons kill.”

If church is good at one thing, it is convincing believers that everything that happens is a sign of God’s love. Looking at this lyric it feels safe to say that something bad has happened in the speaker’s life that they now try to squeeze in the box labeled as God’s love. Yet, they cannot push away the feeling of sadness, anger, grief, whatever it might be.

“So take aim at me for once.”

Church often tries to portray a perfect life to it’s members, so that they will stay in church as they believe this is the life they will eventually have. This ideal life is seen as a gift from God. The speaker sees those people who seem to be so blessed and begs God to finally receive some of those blessings themselves.

“Just take aim, break me apart, love.”

In this lyric, the speaker seems fairly aware that their own faith might be going too far, yet they are willing to accept that. In order to receive the blessings that everyone around them seems to get, they are willing to sacrifice their own well being.

“Call, won’t you call out my name?”

The core believe of christianity is that Jesus died for the sins of every single person. Church often emphasises how he specifically thought of you as an individual as he died on the cross and how God is waiting for specifically you to approach him so he can guide your life down the right path. The speaker tries everything to receive this guidance but cannot seem to do it right. They beg God to call out their name, so they can have this personal relationship with him, that church keeps preaching about.

“And you make me hate myself, make my tear my body, make me yearn for your embrace.”

The speaker’s desperation is growing so they basically “yell” at God about how miserable they feel in trying to build a relationship with him. They start to hate parts of themselves as they start to view them as sinful and they feel utterly alone, desperate for God’s attention.

“You led me on when the moment is perfect.”

Religion seems to work particularly well on people with complicated life paths since they are often looking for a clear direction in life. Assumingly, something happened in the speaker’s life that made them more prone to the christian faith. Now they accuse either God or the church of abusing their vulnerability in order to make them a believer, only to let them down shortly after.

“And you know, I’ll be yours, just want to be worth it.”

In their desperation for a better life, the speaker is willing to give everything to God. However, they fear that they might not be good enough to be seen by him yet, so they promise him to do better in the future, hoping this will finally give them a spark of blessing in their life.

In conclusion, this song is very relatable to me as it reminds me of myself when I started deconstructing my faith and it takes me apart entirely everytime I listen to it. The speaker seems so hurt in their desperation for the great life that was promised to them once they follow God.

So now it’s official, Take Aim is for the religiously traumatised girlies!

Remember that you are worth everything and more than good enough, regardless of what church wants you to believe. <3

[dazoru]

\\HEADS UP 4.2 SPOILERS TO ANYONE WHO HASNT DONE IT

I have to agree with your stance on the AQ. I almost fooled myself into thinking it wasn’t good when the reality was I thought it was amazing but having to see so much grief throughout the quest knocked me out (in a good way). From the first 10 minutes where it was completely reasonable to see Navia break down after staying strong in front of the victims of the sudden flood, and her final bittersweet goodbye to Silver and Melus - wow. I’ve seen people deal with grief and if anything Navia was so damn strong for keeping it together. I’d be bawling for days girl like huh. And if you think about it, with how Fontaine has a strong theme of deception (like everyone is hiding something about themselves), isn’t it refreshing to have Navia who is so incredibly genuine and earnest with her intentions and her want to help everyone? I love her a lot.

Then we were hit with the gradual masking of Furina?

Like - we almost had her open up but then it was revealed we were in the Opera house. This was made worse later on when the traveller saw her inner dialogue during that moment was “surely I’m allowed to put myself first for the first time in 400 years?”. As the human side of Focalor, Furina was absolutely outstanding and selfless. Ohhh my God and the way Furina thinks of her suffering as a kind of “price” or sacrifice to pay for saving Fontaine? Direct contrast to earlier dialogue about how Silver and Melus should not be seen as a mere prices?? FURINA YOU’VE DONE SO MUCH MY LOVE

As much as it pains me that we didn’t get to see her at the end of the AQ to check on her, I guess it makes sense? If you were performing for 400 years and you finally get a chance to crawl away from watchful eyes like you wanted, I think it’s reasonable to just. Want to go away for a bit. But God I really really wish her all the best with finally being allowed to live as herself and not as someone else.

There’s so much to talk about I can’t condense it all. Even small details like a random audience member saying “wait, the death sentence? Isn’t that too harsh? Her only sin was making us!” made my heart clench. Furina begging her people to believe her because she is terrified that they will drown since her facade has been the only thing keeping the flood at bay. AND she will blame herself for not doing enough. Neuvi going “after 500 years, you think I would have the heart to proclaim them as guilty?” Focalor’s goodbye to Furina being “you can now live as a human like I always wished we could.” OUGHHH

Anyway. Wow. I just,,, yeah. I really really liked the quest in all honesty. I needed a good cry and I got it. To each their own opinion, and everyone has a right to not like things in the game. But personally to me this was fantastic.

I'm so glad you sent me this because I'm about to totally lose it about the archon quest in this reply.

Below are further spoilers for the 4.2 archon quest

I totally agree with you on the grief thing, and upon reflection and sleeping on it I think the fact I did this quest all in one continuous sitting over the course of hours added to my previous mixed feelings, just because it was SO MUCH sadness in such a short space of time that it kinda made me associate the quest with feelings of sorrow.

Had I completed the archon quests in parts, having gone away and came back to it later, I feel I'd have handled it better, but I can't stop myself from doing archon quests in one sitting, it's in my DNA to complete them all at once LOL

Navia's bit at the start... Oh it had been about 20 minutes into me playing and I was crying buckets. Full on sobbing.

I play in English and when I tell you her voice actress had RENT DUE because her crying, her voice, everything just broke my heart I literally was like okay great it's not even been half an hour and I'm broken for her, what the fuck.

As soon as I saw Silver and Melus weren't with her I teared up cause I was like they're dead, aren't they? And then I just kept crying anytime they were brought up, and then when they saved her from the primordial sea :(

Navia is a very good character, I love her, she's so authentic and genuine and strong it's made me wanna pull with her purely to spoil her because it's what she deserves.

On to Furina, my heart has ACHED for her since we found out the truth.

I always loved her, and I always thought she did have some sort of plan ever since she reacted with such anger to Arlecchino's insinuation that she was ignoring the prophecy and doing nothing. It was raw real anger from Furina which of course we now understand. It contrasted so harshly with what the game was showing us her acting like, plus Neuvi saying that she is 'taking the prophecy very seriously', that made me go 'we do not know the whole truth', and I was right but FUCK it was in a way I'd never have been able to predict.

WHEN I REALIZED WE HAD TRANSPORTED HER TO THE OPERA HOUSE I STARTED CRYING AGAIN I wanted to wrap her in a blanket and protect her. I totally understand why the trial took place, from the perspective of the other characters there is an impending doomsday that will wipe out the entirety of Fontaine's population, from their perspective it made sense and was justified because they weren't hearing Furina's thoughts and thought crucial information pertaining to the prophecy was being withheld from them, both them and Furina had the shared goal of protecting Fontaine - but that didn't mean that whole section didn't hurt like Hell to complete.

She thought her world was falling apart, after so many years of dedicating herself entirely to this role in order to save her nation she thought it was ALL over and those 146848 scenes (WHICH btw when it changed to THAT number of scenes I was BAWLING, what a hard hitting way to show her continuous suffering in a way that's so impactful) were for nothing.

You know I didn't even realize the Silver and Melus/Furina price thing until you just said it, oh mannnnnnn this fucking archon quest.

It's sore, but you're right - showing her at the end of the quest and us speaking with her would not have made sense. Giving her space after that made the most sense narratively but it definitely also made me feel like we had no sort of closure on her wellbeing (I'm sure her story quest gives us some of that) so that also added to my pain at the end because I was like ... The last time I saw her she was walking through the city as those people yelled 'the prophecy was wrong', and I hope she knows that the prophecy was only 'wrong' BECAUSE of what she did. The prophecy was wrong because of YOU, my love

She deserves a happy and peaceful life doing all the things she loves from now on.

Also, I presume she's mortal now? I'm sure Focalors made the point of saying her existence was what increased Furina's lifespan so like - now she's a whole mortal human being...

There's so many thoughts that have come from this quest.

The Oceanid reveal was so good, like you said that NPC saying her sin was making them, and now believing she'll be sentenced to death for it... Oh god.

The begging, her saying 'believe me I AM your archon' the slow descent into her crying because she believes it's all over when in reality she was FINALLY at the end, the fact she never knew when the end was coming she didn't know this was meant to happen she wasn't aware this was finally the end of her pain

Oh Neuvillette declaring the citizens of Fontaine innocent is one of my favourite moments in the entire game now.

Having had time to process it, I agree, this is one of the best stories in the game and it was told incredibly well and the whole thing was so fucking emotional I felt like I got battered after I finished it.

[hiscules]

hello tumblr, its been a while since i posted something personal and i think it is time. Just a recap of my life, 2022 was a fucking ride. I posted here my experience about my chronic headache tension, and how I thought it will never go away. Well, that's partly true, but like how things in my life go, things still worked out in the end. Turns out the pharmacy I've been getting my meds at, well, they are not working. And the same meds I got like from another pharmacy, they worked. That is why my headache is not getting any better. Adding also to the fire, I developed a headache because of overused of ibuprofen. Never in my life I have been prescribed of sleeping pills just because I can't sleep due to the continuous pain and what a bad way to discover that there is something called Auditory hallucinations. Yeah, there's such a thing. Most painful thing I experienced in my life. I feel so helpless and hopeless. Glad that I know how to deal with this since it's not entirely gone. Maybe I got better of managing it.

I also got promoted from work. Big achievement seeing how competitive it is in my department and how I got promoted being only there for more or less a year. Meanwhile, i dont even want to talk about my salary. Life is unfair.

I officially graduated in UST with marching and all. Pleased to see myself there and not in a zoom meeting haha.

I passed the CPALE. I've waited for more or less 3 years for this board exam, and when it finally came, I passed. Years of sacrifices, frustrations, self-doubt, hard work, continuous expenses. And it all has been realized. I don't know if this title is worthy of all the hard works though and not just for the aesthetics lol. I wish it does.

Started to not talk with my bestfriend. Will not go into details with this one.

Grabe, a lot has happened in 2022 and still, no love life in sight! Still grateful though. I'll take what's on the table haha.

These are only the milestones worth mentioning, I still havent mentioned the things that not as great but made me smile and made my 2022 bearable and not a fucking hell.

The Pink Revolution, I have never felt more alive, I have never felt so included--never felt so much hope. To do things with the same cause, to do things because you know they are good, not just for you but to do it for the whole country. Also worth mentioning, the memes at that time are fucking hilarious, the online wars between the one that made sense and with the one who doesn't. I went to Boracay around this time and felt really the Leni supporters there. One time at the club, amidst the loud music, there was this group who shouted "BBM" with the beat of the music. Girl, you didint know how that, THAT, riled up the whole fucking club. the whole club including me, all fucking drunk, jumping, shouting at the top of our lungs: "LENI!" our same goal is to over power their shouts. All Kakampinks had camaraderie there, hugging, dancing, singing, drinking shots together not to mention Kakampinks are cuties. I will never forget how we got robbed of such a great candidate. Will never forget this as long as I'm breathing.

My sister got married so that's a thing

Made a new set of friends. They are work friends, actually, that I really got along with. So, that's a happy thing.

Went to La Union with workmates. Kind of sad taht I didnt get any awards, but it is what it is I guess.

I know there are still more but these are the only things I remembered.

Grabe ang 2022, what a ride.

[athenswrites]

Incorrect Quotes Tag Game

@imslowlydisintegrating tagged me in this one and I'm tagging @thetruearchmagos @theglitchywriterboi and @the-down-upside-finch (and whoever else wants to play! No pressure!)

Rules: Use this incorrect quote generator to generate some incorrect quotes using characters from your WIP!

For this one, I'll give you some Council shenannigans from NYTF

Councilor Johnson: If I run and leap at Councilor Adel, they will most certainly catch me in their arms. Councilor Johnson, running towards Councilor Adel: Coming in! Councilor Adel: No! I’m holding coffee! Councilor Adel: Drops coffee and catches Councilor Johnson

---

Monarch Hall: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have? Councilor Mason: Dorito’s cool ranch. Monarch Hall: Monarch Hall: I'm just gonna assume zero for now. Councilor Mason: I love that song.

---

Councilor Green, tearing up the room: Where are they? Councilor Green, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children? Councilor Green: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.

---

Councilor Meghan: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad single life? Councilor Miles: It actually does.

---

Councilor Mason: Do you cook? Monarch Hall: I made a cake once. Councilor Johnson: Yeah, it was good. Monarch Hall: Really? Councilor Johnson: Don’t make me lie twice, Monarch Hall.

---

Councilor Miles: You’re alive. Monarch Hall: No need to sound so disappointed.

---

Monarch Hall: What are you doing here? Councilor Miles: I could ask you the same question. Monarch Hall: I live here. This is my house. Councilor Miles: I should probably ask you a different question.

---

Councilor Mason: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked? Councilor Green: It’s just you.

---

Monarch Hall: I love hearing Councilor Miles shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

---

Monarch Hall: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Councilor Sidney: Why? Monarch Hall: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Councilor Mason. Councilor Sidney: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Monarch Hall: Councilor Sidney, you have opened my eyes.

---

Monarch Hall: What do you guys do when you're stressed? Councilor Meghan: Try and calm myself down! Councilor Green: Sleep. Councilor Miles: Get myself into even more stress, so that the first reason for my stress gets cancelled out. Councilor Adel: I don't.

---

Councilor Johnson: The ritual. To preform it requires a sacrifice. Councilor Sidney: Sacrifice? I nominate Councilor Miles. Councilor Miles: Wait, what? Councilor Sidney: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue. Councilor Miles: I'm 5'9, it's like average height in most of the world! Councilor Johnson: Its not that kind of of sacrifice guys!

---

Councilor Meghan: There. How do I look? Councilor Adel: Like a cheap French harlot. Councilor Meghan: French?!

---

Monarch Hall: Good. Thanks, dad. Councilor Adel: You just called Councilor Johnson “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.” Monarch Hall: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”. Councilor Johnson: Do you see me as a father figure, Monarch Hall? Monarch Hall: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me. Councilor Johnson: Hey! Show your father some respect!

---

Councilor Mason: pitches an idea Councilor Meghan, impressed: Huh, there might be something here! Monarch Hall, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

---

Councilor Johnson: Why would I flip my shit about that? Councilor Adel: Because you flip your shit about everything. Councilor Johnson: Well, will you look at this. Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. Just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side. It’s a miracle.

[ashestoashis]

Hey!!!, I hope all is well with you.

I was wondering did you find yourself longing for sisterhood as you enter your 20s, wanting to find women that you connect with and love. Where you can genuinely be yourself or did you feel like you didn’t fit it or you just didn’t find the type of people for you. Like people would say you have a friend for everything and for me personally I don’t like that. I feel like if you’re my friend you can call me on me if you wanna go out, try new restaurants, go hiking or even in your difficult times. I also want to know did you find your sisterhood/ people.

thank you for this - there are so many potential threads in this question so i'll do my best to stay on topic!

one thing that has oddly worked in my favour is that i don't fit in anywhere lol. even at times around that age group and even slightly younger, when fitting in seemed vital for survival, i always stood out. looking back, i think other people admired me for this in ways i was totally oblivious to; because those closest to me always shamed me for the ways i was different, it never occurred to me that anyone would value those differences. and as a result i always felt very distant from almost everyone in a way i thought would never change - i wasn't sad about it, i just accepted it. the cruelty of those 'close' friendships meant that sisterhood was not something i ever put on a pedestal - my friendships with other women always required me to shrink, hide or sacrifice some part of myself, and those tendencies are something i'm still unlearning even now.

therefore, being myself isn't exactly something that's been supported/promoted/enabled by a collective - it's something i've had to grow into, to then give me a basis for relationships/friendships with others, rather than the other way around? i think it's beautiful that some people have consistent friends/sisters who help them embrace who they are - i wasn't longing for those connections at that age, but i was definitely done with the bullshit and knew i would not tolerate any more highly toxic women in my orbit - i think that was the point at which i truly learnt what toxicity was! and that i deserved better. so there was definitely a shift in standards.

overall, i would say i've had seasonal sisters; i have found my people in line with finding new parts of myself, and that's an ongoing continuum that i don't think will ever end. i have felt deeply understood and seen at different points by different people, yet i now recognise the amount of ourselves we have to share at any given time is always changing, and in my case, every time i have discovered a new part of myself, become too invested in someone's opinion of me (positive or negative) or died to an old belief system or dynamic, relationships have ended and made space for something new. sometimes that gap isn't filled instantly with new people, other times it is. i guess my perspective is to pay attention to what i'm learning about myself through my connections with others, and the losses of those connections also - how does the saying go? 'we don't have relationships with people, we have relationships with ourselves through people.' i think i believe that.

i also recognise that people relate to each other in totally different ways - like you, i don't necessarily have friends for different purposes. i more focus on who i am and what i bring to others than assigning roles to people - however i see patterns in how/when people come to me, the types of things they want from me and who they think i am. i now deliberately remind myself to keep some distance from who people think i am, so i don't end up sleeping on all the parts of me they don't/can't see, if that makes sense. i want to know the difference between connection and projection, and even the most well-meaning of friends/sisters/brothers/others can unwittingly make a caricature out of you in the name of love. incidentally, the friend i feel most genuinely seen by at the moment is a dude - as he's the least judgemental person i know - so i'm really open about where that true friendship can come from.

the other side to all of this is noticing how receptive i am at any given point, as the love and connection we have access to also depends on what we are willing to let in. plus - the way we love others can tell us something about our own needs; being all things to all people can mean we want someone to love us in that same all-encompassing way, for example. or longing for people to love can mean we're longing to be loved. we communicate what we want through demonstration a lot of the time. i've learned a lot about my true wants by allowing myself to be still with whatever is coming up - i used to be a pro at making everything about others, until i realised i did so because i didn't feel worthy of my own attention. now i'm teaching myself how to receive from me, which is changing the way i relate to others entirely. i hope this helps and answers your questions, thanks again for your ask 💕

[smileeverydayfor2reasons]

I'm gonna try my best to express myself okay? Don't be mad please sweetie

My world changed when I met you. You looked at me like I was more then I was at the time and you made me feel like I was finally enough. You're the light that guides me when I'm lost. Your love has given me more than I could'e ever thought: You were the reason I got my laugh back. The reason I fell asleep for so long with a smile on my face. The reason why problems didn't seem so bad at all. I have to be honest with you. I think about you. A lot. All the time actually, In the morning, at night in the midlle of the day. It's you. It has been always you. No matter how much we talk to each other eveyday, I'll never get bored of you. I smile instantly every time I get a text, call, or picture from you. You make my days better and It amazes me to know I'm in your mind for the past 8 years too. I want to hug you so tight, I miss my nalla and shellan so much.

You know what? Sometimes I just sit there and imagine all the little scenarios of us in my head. Been able to kiss you, hold your hands and confort you when you are sad. Be there, not miss a single conversation, ear you laugh and see you smile. Taking random trips to places that we don't know. Cuddle while watching a movie and sing with you even if we are really bad. Bringing you closer to me and finally sleep holding you

My emotions are overwhelming me, impregnating every aspect of my being. It only took a split second before I realized that I might have been in love with you. Our daily conversations and shared laughter can't be ignored, and it feels like we were preparing for something more .The voices in my head finally stop screaming. Love found me when I least expected it, and when I gaze into your eyes, everytime I see volumes of unspoken words.

You know the difference of a hero and a villain? A hero would sacrifice you for the world. While a villain would sacrifice the world for you. And trust me when i say I'm no hero.

When you asked about how my perfect day would be, I described watching the sky turn into the moon while eating sushi from a familiar hilltop with you by my side.The hours would pass slowly, and we would never run out of time. We would recite our favorite quotes and rewrite our thoughts so that they could rhyme. We would enjoy a big breakfast, more like a brunch, filled with orange juice, strawberries, and butter toast with crust. Then we would walk hand in hand to a well-stocked bookstore downtown, where we would buy too many novels and carry them like a crown. We would drive with the windows down, your shoes dropped on the car floor, and I would feel fulfilled looking at the passenger seat. I would sing softly to the sky, and in that moment, you would fall in love with me a little more. The sheets on my skin that I've missing for years would appear. When you asked me how the day would end, I would only tell you that you would have to wait and see. In reality, my perfect day would end up with you marrying me.

I am struggling to find the right words to express the depth of my emotions. When I look at you, I feel like I should fall to my knees and pray, because there's no other way. You make me believe in miracles, but even that does not fully capture the extent of your impact on me. You are sunshine incarnate, and you make everything seem less difficult but easy. I want to write full novels about your smile, but words fail me as I try. You are a core memory of joy, the person of my dreams, and my love for you is bursting at the seams and sometimes even brings me to tears. 8 years ago I saw you for the very first time. The first glance made me speachless and to be the most honest that I can be, 8 years of speachness it's the least I can provide I want every year of every lifetime we have.

I love loving you. You made something that felt so damned, something so damn fun! You make the messy nature of such an intense-emotion something to savour and celebrate. You make the hard discussions feel worth it because I know that we respect eachother enough to not tamper with wounds we both entered with. You made morning breath seem not all that bad. You make my insecurities fade away when I catch you looking at me as if you just met me yesterday, it's was if every morning you were seeing me for the first time. I cant lie, I go through the day unfazed by how others see me because in a world full of madness there is you. You make me realise that whatever I had accepted before was never love in its purest form. It was lazy, neither compassionate or kind, neither gentle nor preserving of mind. It was a mismatch of souls. But you. You make love the most exciting thing I have ever experienced and for that I am forever grateful for loving you. And being loved by you

Thank you for 8 years, I really love you my pyrocant

[ungodlydandelion]

I need people to recognize that though this is my trauma blog and I have expressed a great amount of vitriol and horror and sadness here, my life is better now. I am worlds away from the nightmare I started with and I am ridiculously, terrifyingly optimistic about where I am going.

I've become capable of feeling every emotion humans can feel and letting myself feel them without beating myself up for it, I have improved my material circumstances immensely, I have developed and enforced boundaries, I have become sympathetic to myself, I have settled into a comfortable weight and stopped having to care, I've begun habit forming a healthy lifestyle, I have begun taking medications for my body and mind and sleeping, I've kicked shitloads of bad habits, and recently I've stood up and said "I deserve better than this and if you're not going to treat me right I don't want to spend energy on you" - and I'm happy about it. I'm not desperately trying to sacrifice myself to fix a relationship with someone who isn't willing to spend energy on me. And I'm recognizing the beginning of the grief cycle, and I'm letting myself feel it - and it isn't killing me! I'm sad, I'm angry, but I'm ok.

I like teal! And crop tops! And boxers! And indie music, even if it's cringe. I don't like meat so I just don't eat it, and I'm learning so many new skills like construction and cooking with a supportive family member.

I had a bunch of bad things happen recently and I went "you know what, none of it is wholly my fault and I can fix it and I am still going to let myself live normally while I do fix it" instead of going into a suicidal guilt spiral.

I've even gotten through enough of my ornithophobia that I can pet my chickens and scoop them up to move them to safety while I clean their coop.

I'm going to take an actual (short, experimental) vacation, and I'm not planning five extra plans. I'm going to go see the ocean for the first time. And if it's lame I'm just going to brag about how cool the Great Lakes are in comparison and still be happy.

I'm not saying "it gets better", I'm saying I made it better and I am going to keep doing that. I'm saying I'm grabbing onto hope with my slowly healing, torn up hands and saying "I'm not scared of you. I will have good things. I will get better. I might slip, but I will keep fucking trying." I'm saying I'm still here.

I finally buried her. I planted a tree over her grave. I finally have time to get angry and loud about her. And eventually I will leave that tree behind and it will stand on its own. Yeah, for now I'm taking daily care of it, but it's working. It's growing. I'm free. I'm not sorry anymore, it wasn't my fault and we didn't deserve it.

I can finally miss her. Maybe soon I can cry about it. I'll be here to see.