#I will see to therapy though

[nickywhoisi]

So...this happened.

I have gotten destroyed inside over something that I was not intending to ever even know about, much less have a conclusion on. Because tumblr and its random users do not have a fair and fully safe tagging system, which I would rather there be a mandatory requirement for every uploader to put A tag of some sort onto their post or it cannot be uploaded for the world to see in order to prevent a traumatization/bad trigger relapse all because a user like myself has no way to stop a blank untagged post from entering their dash entirely uninvited (LIKE ME >8C ), I was the one who had to suffer the crippling traumatic news of a little something called...let's abreviate it to C.A.F. related to what the police do to REALLY fund themselves and what the governments never do anything about and in fact let happen.

I had almost committed suicide. Just from learning how innocent until proven guilty, a sanctimonious fair and just rule, is...it feels like it's no longer applicable because of this one occurence. Something that burns me to my absolute core, but also burns up my will to live. How is it possible for me to live to my beliefs in a world designed to annihilate every last one of them? How is it possible for me to be myself in a world designed to breach every one of my boundaries and punish me for daring to choose what is right? To kill me without killing me, therefore churning out the illusion they've built around themselves all the more that they should be anything except abolished.

It came to me though, thanks to other rebloggers of that post. Before the final hour, I realized that this was once again all narcissistic insanity. Even better to say, the psychotics of the planet that have no perceivable connection to true reality, only a fabric lie that they've spent their lifetimes brainwashing themselves and the rest of us as reality. I have never bowed to the sayings of "too bad, that's life, life's unfair" or "there's nothing we can do, just move on" and others to that effect. I am glad that this, somehow, has stayed inside of my core to keep me surviving and hopeful, in any amount.

But despite that, I do still lament and grieve...because I've just lost something that I promised to myself within my long lost golden years of childhood. A promise that was related to facing these cruelties and keeping my moral code, my "purity" in a way, unchanged forevermore. For decades, it seemed like I was going to be able to, as nothing...came around to challenge that. But...now it has, and so severely that it feels so unreal; like I was facing some evil that came from a cartoon and so disconnected from reality. But reality itself has been compromised, after this and the endless shit that came before, I know that now...and sadly, I think what I've lost is the ability to see the good in anything related to this. Because there is none. To hope for the best. Because there cannot be. This time, as opposed to all others, is the catalyst for gavalistic agony that I cannot mentally see a peaceful way out of. I have been pushed too far, and I did not even get to enjoy this place I am in now and finish processing the rest of my crippling troubles before this monolith entered my scope. Now I am left grimly making preparations to...well, do something that would paradoxically leave me in such misery that I can't uphold this anymore and I won't be able to feel like myself anymore, but also that my mind would become so clear from stress if I can successfully get rid of these assailants for good. What would furiously get me in trouble, but would be such good payoff for all of my pain. I must have release, and will have it.

I have been under too much. If there were a means to upload my entire life's history as a video, and you watched its entirety, you would see for yourselves that it would be a long and impossibly miserable video. And to be forced to observe the truest worst that this planet has to offer...it only confirms the above paragraphs all the more. How am I expected to keep my old familiar moral code and "be good" when so much unfamiliar trauma is making my inner child die in my arms? I want her to live...she deserves to live in a good world, not for me to struggle to be good in a bad world that officially is fascist and punishes on a greed-fueled whim. What if being good is now no longer viable to solving these types of problems?

I have to say it's time for a civil war.

Now with all that out of the way...for fuck's sake. I was going to have a pleasant day, just minding my own fucking business on tumblr until this happened, not oly the topic being such a problem, but the way it appeared out of nowhere, where I had no way of stopping it. How goddamn useless do you have to be to not bring yourself to tag a post when you can literally type one out just like you type out the rest of a post. There's laziness and then there's you kind of deal. It's exactly the same!!! The tag bar is practically inside the post itself, it's all the white space!!! What is your damage that you can't even add ONE tag do you hate the colour grey is your goal just to make people cry did a tag kill your family do you delude yourself into thinking tags don't exist and the search function is irrelevant do you think it's just an annoying tumblr ad you don't have to engage with is that it you vegetable

Do y'all not realize that there's more than you on this website? And that for every post that you feel should be seen and is okay, another person will not be okay with it and do not ever want to see posts with such-and-such in it? Some people likely need to have some corner of the internet where they can rely on being able to curate their experience and keep their eyes and mind safe from whatever it is they emotionally, mentally, physically can't handle. It's not a matter of "awww this makes me sad I don't like it ionwanna seeeee it" no it's more like "I will hyperventilate and have my body's health compromised if I so much as glimpse at this thing, I may be hospitalized if this assaults me"

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING, TAG YOUR SHIT. APPROPRIATELY OR INNAPROPRIATELY, I DO NOT GIVE A FUCKING DAMN. I AM SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU, AND I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF. GET YOUR BULLSHIT TOGETHER, STOP BEING SO INSISTENT THAT YOUR POST EVEN BE SEEN THAT YOU FORGET COURTESY TO FELLOW USERS. FUCK YOU, BLANK POSTERS, JUST FUCK YOU I DIDN'T ASK TO SEE THIS SHIT AND YOU BLOODY WELL KNOW I DIDN'T YOU INSIDIOUS PRICKS. CURATION CAN'T EVEN HAPPEN SUCCESSFULLY IF YOU'RE ON THE PROWL THINKING IT'S ALL FAIR GAME/I'M LETTING THE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT. EITHER WAY, NONE OF THESE REASONS ARE GOOD ENOUGH IF YOU DON'T TAG. I DON'T CARE IF ALL YOU MUSTER IS #a I PHYSICALLY HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO CARE THAT'S STILL A TAG AND IT WILL HELP LITERALLY EVERYONE IN FILTERING AND CURATING FOR THEIR SAFETY AND COMFORT. YOU HAVE NO BLOODY EXCUSE ACCEPTABLE ENOUGH TO NOT MAKE A SINGLE LETTER TAG TO JUST SHOW MORE MINDFULNESS OF OTHERS BEYOND YOUR NOBLE CRUSADE OR LATEST SOCIAL TERRORISM BIT OR WHATFUCKINGEVER. SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND TAG OR DON'T EVEN BOTHER POSTING. FUCK.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

[travelerpoetry]

Of Atlantean descent Maddie Fenton

I've been thinking about a few things specifically Maddie being of Atlantean descent the line she comes from was minor royalty that specialises specifically in protection (Family, People, Land etc.)

Her great-great-great-grandfather was estranged from his family due to falling in love with a human woman who showed such passion in wanting to help get rid of pollution and help sea and on-land wildlife that were seriously hurt by man-made machines recover and be released into the wild once more and after a whirlwind romance with adventure and soft touches years later they had a child and they couldn't be happier.

But due to a complicated family matter her great- great-great-grandfather's Father called him back home to Atlantis, her great-great-great-grandfather did not expand on the issue any further. He claimed in one of the old letters Maddie found that he'd be back soon and not to worry about him

But in his absence, her great-great-great-grandmother fell sick with a deathly Illness that killed her before her great-great-great-grandfather could return and it was in fact her Great-great-great-grandmother's neighbour who found her dead and her child (Maddie's great-great-grandfather) in the crib next to her bed crying for his dead mother's attention.

The neighbour of course called the police who in return came with child protective services that placed her great-great-grandfather in a foster Family due to not finding her great-great-grandfather's Father.

Her great-great-great-grandfather came back only to find everything he knew gone his Wife? Nowhere to be found, his Son? Can't be found. Maddie's great-great-great-grandfather stricken with grief over the Family he lost soon died from Heartbreak.

But her great-great-grandfather had kept photos of himself as a baby with his Mother and a Ring.. a Ring that was as he was told placed next to him in the crib he was lying in as he was found that fateful night by his Mother's neighbour.

The Ring became an Heirloom passed from generation to generation. until Maddie finally got her curious little hands on it on her tenth Birthday and Maddie knew.. she knew that there was something special about that Ring that was so beautiful with shells and fish-shaped crystals that were littered across the ring in a pattern and little ten-year-old Maddie was right the artefact as she had realised it wasn't just a ring had helped her breath underwater she had gills! And scales! But sadly no tail... but little Maddie was ecstatic!

and Maddie kept the ring well into her adulthood and as she finally started a Family with the man she loved Jack and furthered her research into the ecto-entities she grew happier, happier than she had ever been happier than when she was in the water free to explore and relax.

Her oldest Jasmine showed no signs of being as drawn to the ocean as she was as a child but Jazz still could hold her breath at a minimum of 17 minutes! Jazz also seemed to not particularly care for the ring though commenting multiple times that she finds the ring to be beautiful .

Her second oldest Danny had been drawn to the Ring, he constantly begged to have it when he was younger until Maddie had given him the ring permanently. Danny loved the ocean and went to visit it a few times a month and after her Son had revealed the fact he had died due to the machine that Maddie and Jack built and that the ocean was the only place he was truly at peace? Well, she and Jack made sure to tell him how much they loved him how he would always be their son no matter what and that they promised to go to the beach more often with the family if he truly felt that much better there.

After She and Jack found out about Dan and Eliie? Well, they welcomed both with a big bear hug courtesy of Jack and his Joy of finally being able to pamper younger children again. Both were apparently de-aged due to them not being very stable in this timeline but Maddie and Jack couldn't careless they were just so happy that there were no more secrets between all of them and that they could finally be a truly Happy family but ofcourse before that She and Jack had forced Vlad into therapy and he's slowly redeeming himself.

Now nothing could surprise the Fenton Family anymore!

That was what they thought before an Atlantean King came knocking on their door claiming that Maddie was related to him.. oh well what is a new Family member to this already chaotic but loving Family?

[uncanny-tranny]

The first mistake I see people make is assuming there are completely "nonviolent" ways to be transphobic. It seems like some people conceptualize transphobia as being either violent (which is always physical in some way) or nonviolent (which is "simple" emotional, verbal, or psychological abuse)

It seems, also, that people presume that when somebody has "noble" intentions for their transphobia - "I'm trying to save you!" for instance - it is suddenly nonviolent. Consider, though, how a transphobe would "save" a trans person. Would they allow that person to exist unadulterated (including being able to transition), or would they prefer to put them through conversion therapy, or revoke their access to bodily autonomy, or force them to have children, or anything that will prevent them from transition or even identifying as trans or otherwise tying them down with the obligations that prevent transition or identifying as trans?

There is no true "nonviolent" way to be transphobic because being transphobic relies on denying one the ability to autonomy and personhood. Fundamentally, even the transphobes who "want to save us" only do so in their own self-interest to save them from the horror of knowing that more people than they are alive and thriving.

[anotherwellkeptsecret]

Grief is a hard thing to hold with all its weight and sharp edges. Don't hate yourself on top of that. Everything may not be okay today or tomorrow, but it can be later if you let it.

[aurosoulart]

"The Invitation" (music credit)

some more art of Star Being, a character my therapist encouraged me to make as an inner guide......... I spent a lot of time here after I finished recording 🌤

[melancholy--lion]

If you saw this on the Dropout Discord, no you didn't. But I have to talk about the family dynamics and relationships in this last episode of Fantasy High because I can't stop thinking about it.

Okay but seriously, the conversation with Sklonda and the one with Aelwyn have me feeling all sorts of ways thanks to my weird mix of developmental trauma. They hit SO HARD

I can't stop thinking about how Aelwyn felt like she had to move out not because anyone did anything wrong at Mordrid Manor, but because they were too kind and nice to her. Like there's this incredibly confusing and impossible to articulate combination of despair, confusion, disgust, jealousy, and shame that comes from being in a place that loves and accepts you for you after being in a place that didn't for so long. And how even if you know logically that the place is safe and you are loved, your body just doesn't believe it and you're constantly on edge and overwhelmed. It's painfully relatable as someone with that experience. I've never seen someone else relate or put those feelings into words before but I feel so seen.

Sklonda just caring so deeply about her son and being so worried and also so frustrated with her son's friends is just heartbreaking. And her not liking that they call him Ball is just icing on the cake. Because in reality, it's not a very kind nickname, seeing as it comes from Riz being bullied. And even though Riz has reclaimed it, the scars are still healing for Sklonda and that's deep too. That hit real hard too!

OH and don't even get me started on Fabian being neglected. His mom called FIG AND NOT HIM?! OH MY GOD IT HURTS! The role play this season hurts SO GOOD!!

[can-of-slorgs]

I'm personally blaming @starbiology and everyone who has reblogged or commented the other piece for this.

Bonus comic featuring my grundo:

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Deep Sky

scifi mystery thriller

on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere

when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course

the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources

flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother

questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth

[vibingforjudaism]

I need a therapist who I can argue with and who will give me jewish advice ....a rabbi. I need a rabbi

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

yakou furio's character is so tragic to me. i wanna meme about how they used the fridged wife trope but other than that it's like. he lost his family and later all of his coworkers and just. existed alone for years.

looking at the state the submarine and especially his bedroom was in, with everything being a mess and all the cigarette butts in his bed, yakou was clearly depressed. he wouldn't even take on any interesting cases to fulfill his passion as a detective because he was so afraid of the peacekeepers. instead he just kept his head down. surviving but not actually living.

and then he finally gets some new detectives to work at his agency and the first thing he can do is fail to save most of them from dying horribly. but the five that yakou did manage to save latch onto him and he starts getting into a leader role! even if his new coworkers are all rowdy and get into trouble they still respect him as a leader and look up to him.

the detectives keep picking fights with the peacekeepers that yakou has been trying so hard to dodge. and usually the resolution is kind of messed up because the victims die but the detectives prove themselves capable of handling the peacekeepers! they're helping people! for the first time in a while, yakou comes toe to toe with peacekeepers willingly, to help his new friends. he realizes that he is able to stand up against amaterasu corp, with the help of the others.

but by the time he realizes this, the stage has already been set. the letter from yomi turned his grief into anger and a thirst for vengeance. although yomi gave him the information and opportunity, yakou was ultimately the one who chose to murder the man who murdered his wife.

yakou has already rebuilt his life after his wife's death. the detectives at his agency look up to him and he would do anything for them. it would never be the same as the life he had with his wife but yakou had the chance to turn over a new leaf with a new found family who cares about him.

but instead, yakou plans a murder. he needs to die, over and over, in order to access the man he wants to kill and he accepts it. he needs to trick two kids, who look up to him and who he cares for, into becoming his accomplices to the murder and he accepts it. in the wake of forcing his detectives to witness his murder, he needs leave them in a lab filled with peacekeepers who want to kill them and he accepts it.

and it's not that he doesn't care about his detectives. yuma and halara disobeyed his orders and assaulted several peacekeepers, and he was willing to be arrested himself before throwing his employees under the bus. yuma and fubuki were implicated in terrorism and yakou and the others solve the case for them, then prepare to fight an army of peacekeepers to protect yuma.

for his murder plan, yakou only needs desuhiko and fubuki's powers. but he brings halara and vivia along as well because they would be able to protect the two younger detectives and fight their way out of the lab after yakou dies. he enacts his plan on a day that yuma wasn't around because he won't be able to help fight peacekeepers, so it's better to just keep him out of this mess. he covers up his murder-suicide to protect his detective's feelings, but also because they would be implicated as his accomplices if his plan was revealed.

and yakou probably expected that the other detectives would be fine. if they'd left him behind to die, the other detectives probably would have been able to either fight their way out or hide out in the lab a bit longer and figured out a good plan to escape. if yakou had his way, he would have gotten his revenge and his detectives would have gone home grief-stricken, but unharmed and forever unaware of their roles in his death.

but yakou doesn't account for the fact that the other detectives would try to save his life. yuma doesn't run after the hitman and escape the peacekeepers, he stays behind to beg yomi to help yakou. fubuki uses up all her energy to rewind time to try to prevent yakou's death instead of helping the others escape the lab. halara, vivia, and desuhiko not only have to fight off peacekeepers, but they also have to carry yakou to a hiding spot to give first aid. and instead of calmly planning their next move, everyone is desperate to solve the case so there would be any chance of getting yakou to a hospital as quickly as possible.

one major theme of rain code is that despite tragedies that may have happened in the past, people can work together with those they care about to live a better life in the future. and yakou could have had that. his wife's death should have stayed in the past, and he should have continued to mentor the other detectives, solving mysteries together and enjoying each other's companies.

but yakou couldn't let the past stay in the past. he had every chance to not go through with his murder. he has new people he loves, but he manipulates them and puts them in danger in order to get back at the person who killed the last person he loved. his victory was a pyrrhic one. he got his revenge but in return, he destroyed himself and his detectives' trust in him. he enjoyed his revenge momentarily before dying and leaving his new family, who he used their love and trust for him to his advantage, to pick up the pieces.

yakou furio had lost everything in the past. but in trying to pursue it he destroyed everything he had in the present. that's the tragedy of his character to me.

[apollos-boyfriend]

cgoldenduo in the sense that they’re everything the other has ever wanted.

all purpled has wanted is to be noticed. to have a legacy. to be someone anyone else can look at and know he’s of importance. to know his impact, his name, who he is and what he stands for. to be able to just take a single glance at and recognize instantly, from the stories and effects he’s had on the world around him. and that’s exactly what tommy is and has. even if they’ve never interacted with him, everyone knows tommy. they know he’s loud, quick-to-action, rebellious, and maybe annoying, depending on who you ask. they know of his house, his pet(s), the wars he’s fought in and won—the wars he’s fought in and lost. they know his friends and family and relation to the server as a whole. how he’s impacted and changed it around him. no one could tell you of purpled’s cabin. his underground base. his cave. no one could tell you of dogchamp, of his role in the revolutionary war or in the pogtopia vs manberg war. they could not tell you if he has friends. they could not tell you a single thing about him.

alternatively, all tommy wants is to be left alone. to be invisible. he doesn’t want to have his possessions out for everyone to see. he doesn’t want his alliances and bonds known for anyone to use against him. his house has been griefed more times than he can count; tubbo has nearly died so many times because of his alliance with tommy; his discs have been the very thing that’s torn his entire life apart since the beginning. people are prone to keeping him at an arm’s length, even if they’ve never really spoken to him, all because they know all-too-well the trouble that he seemingly brings. tommy is at the eye of the hurricane, forced to watch as everything around him is torn apart because of his mere existence. nothing good has come from being well-known. there is nothing he would want more than to be in purpled’s shoes. to be left alone and forgotten by the server at large. to finally have peace. to be able to walk down the prime path and have nobody acknowledge his presence asides from a cordial hello and nothing more.

cgoldenduo in the fact that they’re nothing like the other has ever wanted.

purpled is ruthless. he’s apathetic. he doesn’t care about others unless they can help him in some way. he’s not social, or kind, and his naturally abrasive and deadpan nature makes it difficult for him to forge new bonds. tommy did not get to where he is by being like purpled. tommy thrived most when he was helping others for the sake of it, when he was surrounded by a community of people just as hopeful and eager as him. purpled would not survive a day in tommy’s shoes. he could never have the life tommy does because they are, by nature, polar opposites. whereas tommy did everything he could to stop wilbur from pressing the button, purpled probably would’ve done it himself for the infamy and legacy it held. tommy grew close to ranboo partially due to not selling them out during his exile trial. if ranboo hadn’t had something to offer purpled, he would’ve thrown him under the bus in a heartbeat to certify his own survival. tommy has everything purpled wants in theory. in concept, he is the very thing purpled would hate to become.

and likewise, tommy is kind. he puts others before himself. he prioritizes helping others and making sure everyone is happy. purpled was forgotten largely due to his reclusive nature. purpled is more than okay with being by himself for months on end. he thrives when left alone, when he has no one to drag him down or hold him back. he betrays people on a whim as long as another party can offer him a better deal. tommy could never bring himself to do such a thing, and therefore, he could never have gone down the path purpled did. purpled got left alone partially for his reputation of being a ruthless killer—an assassin for hire—and that is something tommy could never bring himself to do, even if it meant true freedom of isolation. no one can thrive invisible, but especially not tommy, especially not when the means to become so are so caked in blood.

[warlordfelwinter]

i need a second

[hungerpunch]

i see even comedy that doesn't typically "punch down" has circled back around to using crackhead/crackwhore as a joke. i'm so exhausted by you all. you are so cruel, so casually callous, it's worrisome. you don't realize how easily that could be you. you think you're so superior, so pure, so intelligent as if addiction cares about how smart you are or what you do in life. as if this entire country (usamerica) is not machinated in a way to get people hooked on painkillers. as if the docuseries industry isn't busting with expositions that reveal the wide-ranging sprawl of addiction here and exactly how manipulated we have been. as if loads of people in "white collar" jobs aren't addicts. as if loads of stay at home parents aren't addicts. as if addicts can't have pearly smiles and collect a paycheck. as if there's any real merit between the person who got into a party drug as an impressionable kid then couldn't stop and the lawyer who started doing coke to stay awake for 80-hour workweeks then couldn't stop and the unsuspecting patient who was prescribed opioids by a doctor then couldn't stop. there's not. no one is better than anyone else. addiction is leveling. equalizing.

and the worst part is you are one, too, you up there on your high horse. you're addicted to something. something in this world has its claws in you, its grip on you, that you want to stop but can't, that you could not stop without support. so shut up. shut the fuck up. the people you call crackwhores, meth heads, junkies, etc. they are real fucking people. we are real fucking people just like you. we are real people who deserve your fucking respect and compassion. we are just people who are trying to exist within a system that is trying to eat us alive, just like the rest of you. it's not cute. it's not fucking cute. it's not cool. stop fucking laughing.

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Come on, you know you want to, give us the character bingo for Viktor.

don't mind if i doooo

[babacontainsmultitudes]

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.