#I wish I could read my life stats

[auroramosaic]

you ever get so high ur teeth hurt

[curator-on-ao3]

fic author q&a

I was tagged by @deadheaddaisy for a fun and great fic author game. Thank you for tagging me, @deadheaddaisy! ❤️ As happy as I am to be tagged, the thing is, y’all, I’ve done that particular game a few times already and, even though it’s a great game, I was in the mood for something different. So, I’ve made new questions — and answered them — and I’ve tagged some folks in case they want to answer them, too.

1. Why do you write fanfic?

Life can be stressful, and writing fanfic can be like a little vacation. It’s not my life, anymore, it’s the characters’ lives.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I think about Malleable and Unmalleable Orders (Mirror Pikeone, E) probably because it’s so different from what I usually write. I also think about The Light Before Dawn (Pikeuna, M) because, even though it would have bogged down the story, I do think they eventually get married and the details of all that sometimes cycle through my brain.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Enjoy this time of not really knowing fic conventions or expectations.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

I try to avoid them. I love every kudos and comment and bookmark and subscription. But I don’t go looking for the numbers unless I have to.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss writing Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris. I had a lot of fun with that pairing for a while.

6. What motivates you to write?

If I don’t write the stories down, they get stuck in my brain. So I guess setting them free (in good ways) is my motivation.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

I really do believe in the ideals of Star Trek — IDIC and peaceful coexistence and all that stuff. Even though I often write for the spin-off series, not the original Star Trek, creating stories in that universe lets me be part of it, even in a small way. Also, as a bonus, I do think Trek readers are great about comments, kudos, etc., and that helps a lot.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

I might work on something else or take a break. The problem will rotisserie in my head and probably work itself out if I don’t push it too hard.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

That any nice comment is welcome and appreciated and, if the person doesn’t want a reply to their comment, they can just say so and it’s easy enough for the author to honor their wishes.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

How about, “Do you read public AO3 bookmark notes on your stories?” Yes. Because of bookmarks like these on The Autobiography of Kirsten Clancy (Gen, T):

Tagging with no pressure: @deadheaddaisy, @iamstartraveller776, @fiadorable, @sun-lit-roses, @coffee-in-that-nebula, @grissomesque, @enterprise-come-in, @starrybouquet, @lorcaswhisky, @marymoss1971, @emilie786, @cnrothtrek, @elephant-in-the-pride-parade, @pc-corner, @divinemissem13, @meddow, @missparker, @jazzfic, @the-lady-general, and you. If my tag anxiety got the best of me and I didn’t put your name here, please consider yourself tagged. ❤️

[oknowkiss]

my writing year in review: 2023

thank you to @sorrybutblog @wolfpants and @citrusses for the tag!! tagging in a few folks as well: @tackytigerfic @sweet-s0rr0w @nv-md @oflights @mintawasalreadytaken @vukovich @lumosatnight @emmalovesdilemmas @mallstars @moonflower-rose @dodgerkedavra @rainstormradish @m0srael @reserve @babooshkart @lqtraintracks @skeptiquewrites @eveningstruggle @maesterchill @geesenoises @peachydreamxx @saintgarbanzo for anything you'd like to round up!

i went into this thinking 2023 was a bit of a fallow year, output-wise, but looking at my stats page apparently i wrote 100k this year!! who could've known? not me. big thanks to everyone who supported me this year, whether by beta-ing, reading, commenting, or otherwise just listening to me moan. i'm quite excited for what's in store next year, including plenty more moaning. hope to see you all in 2024!

here's what happened in 2023: APRIL the sun, shining above you || dronarry || 14.5 k || E for the inaugural @dronarryfest!

Since joining up with the dragontamers, Draco counts his days in nights. Nights spent drinking in the commune mess, making poor choices he doesn't regret, for once. Nights he doesn't remember, and nights he wishes he could stop remembering.

Then there's that night in Spain, caught in the circle of Ron's arms. A year of nights in Norway, caught in the heat of Harry's gaze. His first night at the Burrow, caught in between them both. MAY proven lands || drarry || 2.8 k || E for @microficmay!

The thing about circles is, they always end at the start. OR: A story about falling in love at the end of the Earth. (told in 31 microfics -- this is the "director's cut") AUGUST the waiting || drarry || 43.5 k || E for @hd-wireless and @m0srael!

It’s been almost ten years since Draco Malfoy disappeared during a routine Curse Breaker training exercise. Harry, his partner in more ways than one, is determined to figure out why. As the past resurfaces and the present fades into confusion, Harry discovers the only thing more unreliable than memory is love.

DECEMBER jerk/off || drarry || 7k || E for @drarrymicrofic secret santa exchange and @m0srael!

“You’ve got my face on your face,” Malfoy says, contorting his – Harry’s – face into an expression it had definitely never made before.

“No, you’ve got my face on your face!” Harry insists, grimacing at the sound of Malfoy’s voice. Being in his body is not unlike operating a sad wooden doll. à bon chat || drarry || 35k || E for @hd-erised and @moonflower-rose

Draco Malfoy didn’t intend to lead a life of crime after the war. It’s just that being good had turned out so incomprehensibly boring.

Now he's thirty-five, a fully redeemed member of society, the darling of the wizarding social pages, and a newly minted consultant for Gawain Robards' Investigative Research division. In his spare time, he enjoys good whisky, casual sex, and moonlighting as an art thief. His biggest score yet is fast approaching and he's got everything planned down to the minute. Everything, that is, until the unexpected appearance of a newly-divorced Harry Potter. Now that Potter's in the picture, Draco's no longer certain if he's the pursuer or the prize.

[tav-marcio-leles]

Meet my Tav, Marzio! Yes, another updated masterpost. I'm so sorry.

His pose is apart of the somatic motion for Sanctuary (if you wanted to know)~

Since my Marzio comic is going to take a lot longer to be produced than I planned, his story will be under the cut! You can read this if you like, or you can wait until I start releasing the comic.

Gender/Sexuality: Trans Man / Gay Age: 35-40, or however old Gortash is -> unsure due to memory loss Race: Mephistopheles Tiefling Origin: Haunted One (Dark Urge) Class: Monk / Cleric of Ilmater -> Duelclass (Open Hand / Life Domain)

Marzio has very little memories of his life before the Nautiloid. All he has left are his name, flashes of old names and training as his time as a painbearer for Ilmater.

Stats:

STR: 15 DEX: 12 CON: 13 INT: 8 WIS: 17 CHA: 10

Important Design Note:

Devil’s Hair listed here is Devil’s Daring Needles or Virgin’s Bower. I didn’t realize thar Devil’s Hair was a parasite twin plant? Correct me if I’m wrong.

His pants are usually white, but I went with blue here... for some reason.

His eyes probably change color during his urges to red or orange

SPOILERS BELOW CUT -> scroll all the way down for screenshots!

Marzio's Story TLDR: Marcio got sacrificed to Bhaal and was revived as the Dark Urge (now Marzio).

Life One:

Marcio was a cleric of Ilmater, a painbearer specifically. Marcio was trained to endure the worst pains a person could experience, all in the name of helping others—including but not limited to drowning, starvation, dehydration, extreme weather, and anything physically painful. Reading on Ilmater Painbearers, there's a lot of horrors between those lines.

Despite this, Marcio was satisfied with his life and the path he had chosen. He loves people, and Ilmater is actually pretty cool compared to a lot of the other gods. He was eventually almost made a martyr of when the Nautiloid came and took him away—taken rushing people to safety as the ship tore through Baldur's.

He met Gale after Shadowheart, and one could say the rest is history, but that's unfortunately, that's not how Marcio's story goes.

After a lot of self-sacrifice, Marcio developing an alarming savior/martyr complex, they finally reached Mystra's confrontation. I kid you not when I say that my save files stopped loading after that conversation. Gale had received all the help he needed from Marcio, but the moment Gale turned around to finally help Marcio in return, dead. Save gone.

So, why not take that opportunity to diverge from canon a little bit.

Intermission:

Remember that murder tribunal with Sarevok to Bhaal? Who would be a better replacement for Valeria than Marcio himself—a cleric to Ilmater makes a much better sacrifice than an uncaring investigator.

Gale, I imagine, was nooooot that happiest with this development. But what was done, was done. Can't revive Marcio now.

So, what does our completely sane and not at all unhinged wizard do? Why, he takes the Crown of Karsus to revive Marcio, of course! Somewhat becoming a god, and despite all warnings not to, half-god Gale reverses time with a wish spell. Wish spells though? They're a lot like a monkey's paw. He might have changed the timeline, but not everything came back how it should.

Life Two:

Marcio has been reborn in this timeline as Marzio. (Partially because I needed a way to differentiate the two, and partially the because that was how I meant to spell it in the first place. But I had two save files to experiment with classes, and I was afraid of overwriting something.)

Now here's where the timeline gets messed up.

I don't imagine this new Bhaal was very happy with a sacrifice to him literally being the cause of a new world with new life. No, in fact, it was probably another chance for him to try and destroy the world again. Taking that sacrifice Marcio made for Valeria, Marzio was born as the Dark Urge. Maybe this would direct his destruction on the winning path this time.

So, Marzio is the Dark Urge now. He's all blue, because he was a corpse literally wished to have a new life.

Currently:

Yeah, so that's Marzio!

He and Gale are Betty x Simon coded, and I'm crying in the club thinking about it.

I'm thinking maybe Gale is a tiefling too in this timeline (thanks to High Rollers for that imagery), solely for the fun of it. Who knows. I was this comic to be fun and worth the time it will take to create, but also worth y'all's time to read. Let me know what you think.

I have the dream guardian set as Marcio, so maybe that will change things in the comic for the Emperor? Who knows. I still have a bit of deciding to do with the writing.

OTHER FUN INFORMATION:

Romance Partner: Gale Tattoos: Dandelion, Yarrow, Coltsfoot, Bishop's Lace & Devil's Hair (Virgin's Bower) Scars: Morning star scar on cheek; whip/scourge lashings on his back and some spilling onto his arms/shoulders, hips, and sides; rope burn scars (religious practice), vivisections scar from his collarbone down to his abdomen

Other Notable Details:

pierced ears

wears holy symbol ropes around his wrists for Ilmater as often as allowed

doesn’t have t-scars, because he’d prefer no one to know (magiced them away!)

Other Behaviors:

cat-like: purrs, trilling, tail movement (twitching, lashing, etc.), and sometimes other cat body-language (headcanon that all tiefling are somewhat cat-like)

Music Playlist (Spotify): Marcio Leles

Trivia:

Birthday: March 4th / Ches (the Claw of Sunsets) 3rd MBTI: tbd Personality: Shy with people he knows, bold with people he doesn't know, lovingly teasing, patient, self-sacrificing

Favorites:

Food: Potatoes (& anything potato adjacent) Drink: Dry Alcohols (usually ciders or wines) Color: Blue Weather: Slight Breeze, Slightly Cloudy, Sunny Flower: Dandelion Animal: Pigeon Activities: Gardening, Foraging, & Herbalism

Images:

You can thank my roommate for these once in a life time quality screenshots. My laptop does not let Marzio look this high res 👁️

[the-lady-general]

fic author q&a

@curator-on-ao3 thank you so much for tagging me! 💚✨ It's taken me a little to answer (almost) all the questions, but here you go:

1. Why do you write fanfic?

Sometimes I need to get an idea out of my head, sometimes I need to get an idea down on the page, sometimes I want to write for the sake of writing.

(The REAL real reason why I write fanfic instead of original fic is so that I don't have to come up with names and physical descriptions for a bunch of different characters. *shoves all-oc wip back under the floorboards*)

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

For now it's Change the World. That one was a lot of fun. I re-read it loads because it makes me laugh.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

You don't know English yet, but once you start learning: on eff eff dot net, cock means penis, not rooster. No advice on the writing, your Gerudo self-insert Mary Sue is already perfect. 💚

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

I don't care at all, unless I'm being sulky. I like to think that getting it out of my system relatively quietly makes me the charming ray of sunshine that you, kind and radiant reader, knows and loves. 😁

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss Joseph/Hemmer, that was fun to write. I couldn't stick the fix-it part of the fix-it fic, so I abandoned it in my wips, but I like coming back to it and rereading the more coherent scraps.

6. What motivates you to write?

Mostly jokes! My latest, Life, When It Gives You Lemons, is based on that genius Darmok and Salad at Tanagra pun.

(That's probably the reason why nothing ever came of my Joseph/Hemmer or Una prison break fics: there's enough dead kids and dead parents in SNW to stop me laughing.)

What motivates me for my current WIP is mostly "Can I do this?". The answer so far seems to be yes, provided I can string enough jokes together.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

For Star Trek it's mostly friends (hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, hi! 👋🖖), for LotR it's because somehow, there's still not all the stories I want to read out there, and for 40k it's my desire to throw war dollies around without ever having to memorize a different codex every time I blink.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

I give up and add it to my ~private library~ or I ask for help. The bragging rights of producing something of AO3 quality makes editing worth the hassle. That's my hoard, that is. 🐲

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

I'm really bad at answering them, so if you, smart and elegant reader, want a reply, trick me into a conversation by asking me questions!

If I don't reply that means your comments ended up as a coal on the warm cozy fire in my heart that's keeping the "Not A Talentless Hack" feelings at bay and I never figured out how to adequately repay that kindness. Thank you. 💚

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

I couldn't think of any since getting tagged, so in the interest of finally answering the other nine questions: No, but thank you for asking!

This was fun! I've lost sight of who's already played and who might like to join in, so without pressure: @cicaklah @ichayalovesyou @indignantlemur and anyone else who wants to give this a shot!

[just-here-with-my-thoughts]

Fic Roundup!

@summer-of-bad-batch is over, 26 prompts over 13 weeks, plus 2 bonus prompts to celebrate the 200 & 300 follower milestones. The time just flew by! Here's a quick roundup of how it went...

Your favourite fic:-

Far and away this was i'm not trying to replace you (only hold on to your memory), for the bonus prompt "Can you braid my hair?". This was my first (and thus far only) fic ever to break 100 notes on Tumblr, clearly you were all here for the Hunter & Omega missing Tech feels! I poured a lot of love into this fic so I'm really glad you all liked it :)

Honourable mentions go to Hunter and Crosshair winding each other up in "It's just a scratch", your second favourite, and to i reach for you in the night (you're still my brother after all) and "Just when were you planning on telling us that?", both tied for 3rd place!

My favourite fic:-

Hmm, I'm not sure I have one this time? There were lots of them I enjoyed writing! There was "I didn't think [we] would get this far", the fic that started life under the name TechPhee Diamonds, and "R.O.U.S.'s", another fic in the Stardust Universe! I also loved writing Mayday, Veetch and Hexx (and later Fives and Echo) enjoying the sea on Pabu... and let's not forget the prompt that started it all, Water Gun Fight!

And now for the stats:-

Total Word Count This Month - approximately 30,000 Longest Fic - Radio Silence, 4090 words Shortest Fic - "Get out of my room!", 310 words New Followers - 37 I think?! (I'm so excited to have you along and I hope you've enjoyed the stories!)

Future Plans?

Now the weekly prompts are over, it's back to my big fics! I've got Pieces Of The People We Love Part 4 to write, ideas in the back of my mind for Adrenaline Crash: Savage (part of the Savage Hunter series), and my ongoing Beach Days & Hair Braiding timeline. And I absolutely won't get distracted by other prompt events. Not this time. I think...

Have you enjoyed the stories? Wish you could read more? Drop by and say hi, it's remarkable how often you shake loose a new idea which turns into a follow-up fic... or you can always drop a request in my ask box! :)

Lastly a huge thank you to everyone who has followed, reblogged, commented, and liked my fanfiction this past month. I'm genuinely touched by reading the wonderful comments you have left, and it's so fun to know you've enjoyed reading my stories as much as I've enjoyed telling them! Thank you for all your support! <3

Don't forget to check out my Summer of Bad Batch Masterpost for a list of everything I wrote for this event! :D

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week In Review XVI & 2023 Wrapped

I feel like 2023 just started five minutes ago, am I the only one who feels like this year as passed by quickly but at the same time dragged its heels?

I've seen so many lovely end of year close out posts and years in review. I toyed with how I wanted to close out the year and what I could say that could sum it up sufficiently.

Betty rambles under the cut with this weeks reads if you're interested...

2023 has been a weird year if I'm entirely honest and somewhat isolating. I returned from mat leave, back to working from home, and having to scramble to make adjustments when things fell through. Which resulted in Mr. Truly and I working opposite shifts to ensure the S.S. Truly stayed afloat.

But during the last six months somehow I made it back to Tumblr, to an old account from way back when - pre-dating when the Canucks made it to game seven kinda old - I blew off the dust, cleaned house and made myself a little space. I still don't know 100% how it all happened, though I think it started with the Reddit forum.

You don't need to know the whole spiel about Pedro, because while we're here because of him, it's the community that holds us here. After floating and not really knowing what I was doing, I started to make connections within this community and finding a seat at the table (we'll come back to that) and I found joy again. I'd kinda lost myself in the fog that is half a dozen other titles/roles others looked to me as that had replaced just Betty.

I started writing, hadn't done that in years. I rekindled by love for graphic design, what I went to school for. I was reading books again, as well as so many great fanfics here. I even bought poetry books, something I hadn't done since I don't know when.

I've been really fortunate in my experience that I've encountered so many wonderful people. I may not get to be as social as I'd like to be, and I still have a fear of dropping into DM's & Asks unannounced. I have the shittest memory, if I don't keep a tab open or reply straight away it's sometimes days or weeks before I remember again. But I really hope that I've returned in kind what others have given me because I'd hate for anyone to feel like they don't belong here, because you do.

This community is a table (told you I'd come back) and it's size is immeasurable. It has no bounds and there's always room for whatever kind of chair you pull up and if you don't have one? We'll find one. Need to leave for a while? We'll save your seat. This my friends is a community, and if you're met with those who tell you the table is full, I'm telling you now, they're not a part of it.

Are there going to be those with more notes? Yes. Are there going to be people you're going to compare your writing to? Yes. Are you going to maybe want to pack it all in and delete your masterlist now and then? Yes.

But none of that takes away anything that makes you, you and what you bring to the table.

Life is hard enough without the added pressure of thinking you need to score imaginary internet points with stats and metrics that carry no value. I wish I knew the magic formula, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but let's try and be kinder to ourselves eh?

But I'm really going into 2024 with the goal of curating my own joy - whether it be indulging in the fanfics I want to write and read, more obnoxious coffees, a new fountain pen, giving myself permission to buy the fancy notebook, get back to baking or binging both seasons of Julia and pretending I can make one of her recipes.

So to sum it up, before this goes into a further incoherent ramble, this year has been about reaching out, starting connections and building something meaningful. I've met some amazing people that I am lucky to call friends and without their kindness and extending a seat at the table I'm not sure I'd still be around these parts.

Here's to more of that in 2024 - while I'm not always the best at replying to messages, my DM's and Ask's are always open, feel free to drop in at any time 💕

Pedro Tax™️ for your time...

T R U L Y  U P D A T E S . . .

December x 500 is complete-ish? Thanks to being sick towards the end of the month there's three entries missing, but I'm hoping to sneak them in during the new year! I'm looking forward to a quieter writing schedule that's for sure!

W H A T  I  R E A D . . . Didn't read as much as I wanted to this week - but I'm off this next week, so hoping to do a little more and get through some of my TBR list!

All I Want for Christmas (Frankie) by @morallyinept This was a delightful festive meet-cute that had me on the edge of my seat and also explores the character of Frankie and the ramifications of his actions on his friendships and his ex. 

All I Want (Will Miller) by @laurfilijames This was a bittersweet one-shot that touched on the idea that the festive season isn’t always for everyone and that you never know what’s going on with someone. 

I Put My Book Down to Be Here (Dieter) by @frenchiereading My first New Year’s Eve fic I’ve read this season and it’s so sweet and has a soft Dieter (my fave), who is still his chaotic self! I loved this from start to finish and such a great meet-cute!

Had Me Fooled (Dave) by @wildemaven Heidi has done such an amazing job with this mini series that can be read as a standalone or as a series. I love a soft Dave and Heidi does it so well. This last one had my toes curling in all their romantic glory and I will be revisiting this series again I'm sure!

Reunions (The Thief) by @ladamedusoif I'm behind on Rose's December prompts, but this was the steamy follow up to My Kiss, Only For You (go read that first, no seriously, go read it) and it was so delectable and my greedy self hopes we see these two again in the future.

Cookies (Tim) by @ladamedusoif Speaking of delicious things, this was as indulgent and sweet as the cookies made in this fic. Tim was one of the characters I didn't see becoming such a favourite this year - but I love seeing everyone's interpretation of him. This one here? In my top ranked versions 🫠

So here's to 2024!

Thank you for every interaction, reblog, or tag - every single one is held clutched to my heart in appreciation every time!

Stay safe, and whatever you're doing or wherever you are sending you much love!

[sea-drifter]

Sagau and what that character would feel when they realize you hate them. Part 1

Characters: Childe ft: Yanfei and various others

I have/had grudges against them after incidents in their banners and so I thought I'd make a short drabble or head canon abt how they'd feel about how I treat/treated them. This is part one and ends with part 2 which is another character.

Warnings: OOC little shits and based on fics I've read, also not proofread, is this considered angst? brief descriptions of violent tendencies and slight body horror? (idk, i searched it up and I'm still confused but im pretty sure i should add it just in case)

ALSO REMINDER BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME: I don't rlly hate them as a character, it's just my luck I hate and I had to blame someone-

Childe: [getting him on his 3rd banner] *I may or may not be showing off a character* [Why did you come home instead of her?] Denial is the first stage of grief. Because you really don't mean it right? I mean, you leveled him up to 60! it mustn't be that bad right? You didn't level him up just for the free fates, right? You gave him artifacts even if they're not his right set and aren't just leftovers- Right? You started wishing on his banner again sighing in frustration, only getting 4-star weapons and occasionally, Chongyun and Ninnguang. You were getting more irritated by every wish but you stopped and went to farm more primogems. But you didn't have enough time. You just had to get him the day before his banner ended. You switched characters and put him on your team for the first time. Your team consisted of Xingqiu, Fischl, Zhongli, and him. He greets everyone excitedly with a smile filled with relief as they introduced themselves. That smile was wiped off of him instantly. "How...I had only just..." You jumped off a cliff using him. You revive him right after, the feeling was shocking to him. His thoughts were erratic. He died- and he was brought back to life just like that- You drop off again. This time he could tell how every bone cracked in his body. You teleported to a statue of the seven, reviving him once more. And just as he was processing what was going on, you jumped off for the 3rd time. Hate. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. Your mom. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him. You hate him- "WHY????"

After the nth fall, you stop and switch him out of the team. He was just so dumbfounded. You fought him as the traveler countless times before and he didn't mind the countless defeats because every time you visit the Golden house, you were able to defeat him faster and stronger, he even felt so proud of you- yet this... this was the first time he felt so afraid of you. It was a mere fall but he couldn't move to even open up his wind glider and fell to his death countless times. And then you just revived him so easily each time. It was a sign that you really are Teyvat's god, and he feared you. Anger. Pink hair, white antlers. Always has a big book with her. He's been staring. He can't help it. You already had her in his banner early on, yet why were you so upset when he came home? "WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT YANFEI?!" Was all he could think about. She's just a damn 4-star, how is she better than him? He watched as you spoiled her with level-up materials and talent ascension materials. You even farmed the Crimson Witch domain just for her. Gave her the best weapons, and the best artifact stats. He watched as your team slowly died out for her materials. Watched until she reached level 90. Watched until she could easily obliterate enemies with 4 simple moves, all attacks being 10k or more. You were known for collecting each character's specialty food, even going as far as cooking it over and over again and even buying all the stock of a certain ingredient from the shop. But the only time you have his specialty is from a letter he gave you on his birthday. If he was violent in fights, he's even more violent now. If the enemy is already dead, he'll turn the corpse into bits until it's only blood that remains. He constantly seeks Zhongli for a fight, which Zhongli didn't mind until he started visiting almost every day. He tries to talk it out with Childe but- "THEY GOT YOU ON YOUR BANNER WHEN THEY DIDN'T EVEN WANT YOU LIKE THEY DID WITH ME." "YET THEY TREAT US SO DIFFERENTLY." Zhongli couldn't reply. He was right after all. He was on your team almost every time ever since you had enough materials to get him up to a decent level. Childe just walks away as he processed what he said to the god. The silence was all there was that accompanied him on his walk. Bargaining. You liked him before. He knows that. You were really upset when you didn't get him the first time. He liked the idea of playing hard to get and so he played. But maybe he should've come home to you the first time because he didn't know if you loved him as much as the others. It took months for Venti's banner to go up and have him on your team, yet you persisted and finally got him on his 3rd banner. While in his 2nd banner, you clearly had lost interest already and just pulled to build up pity. "I came home later than expected, and now I'm just a disappointment..."

Depression. If you used to use him as a guinea pig, you even forget you have him in the first place now. You:[So who's going as Childe?] P2:[I want to try out Xiao again after a while so can you be Childe?] You:[Oh right, I have that ginger-] You like to "play co-op" and have other gods join your world. They're always the same ones, and he can hear their voices, unlike the other gods that come by for materials. He would see the "other Childe's" sometimes. He'd see them on a higher level than him, with better artifacts, better weapons, and better treatment. He didn't put much effort into his "fights" anymore, since you'd replace him with a character you like more anyways. The praise he heard you say to the others, the joy in your voice when you finish a commission with them, hearing those things were torture to him. One could say it was worse than being stuck in the abyss for merely half his life. Then you just placed him in your teapot, the emptiness eating away at him. Acceptance. He's been in the teapot for months now. The occasional visits from the others helped him carry on a bit. He was placed in the kitchen so he's been cooking things to pass the time or to serve others. He'd write letters more often to his family in the library, even reading a few books whenever. Yes, you hate him. But maybe, not entirely. Being able to stay in the teapot, do chores, and cook like he usually would for his family towards others, gave him a sense of calm. Maybe this was your way to show him that fighting and becoming strong to conquer the world isn't the only path to life. He still comes to spar with the others, teaching them things he knows even. The time he had away from you made him able to be vulnerable towards others, telling them what he's feeling sometimes, creating a bond with the others who he can confide in. Things he couldn't tell his family, he tells Kaeya, who has a somewhat same situation as him. He decides his good enough. Not for you, but for himself. And he's alright with that. He can finally sleep peacefully at night. ______________________________________________________________ thank you for reading ^^ pls like and reblog click here if you'd like to see more of works^^

[ussjellyfish]

fic author q & a

Thank you, @fiadorable for tagging me!!

The questions:

Why do you write fanfic?

Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is "finished"?

If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

What's your relationship to fic stats?

Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

If you're stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

What do you wish people knew about comments?

Maybe there's a question you wish had been on here. What's that questions (and answer)?

Why do you write fanfic?

I enjoy, so much. I love dialogue, I love trying to write something that's feels true to the characters in the moment I'm writing. Some of it is writing things that are simply not feasible/wouldn't film well/aren't things shows would bother making.

The worlds fiction creates are interesting to me and I like expanding them. I'm particularly into little hurts and comforts, and I have a specialty in the long epic that takes place around a pregnancy. I also really love f/f pairings and those are not usually offered in the canons I enjoy. (Maybe there's one...).

I like writing the things I would like to read. I love the community around it, exchanges are fun because you get to make something and someone makes something for you. Existing with people who also find writing fun is a neat and creative way to connect.

It's the freest creative outlet I get in my life, and I really love that.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is "finished"?

Right now, Quantum Variations on a Love Theme, because I love that story, I invested so much of my life into writing it, and it stopped in a good place, so it's done, but it's a world I made that I am fond of. There are fun little friendships in there, and I built their relationship well. I had fun. I don't know if I have anything to add. It feels done, but I love it.

Two ficlets I really liked and feel like they could have more to them in a "proof of concept" kind of way are "legends of the space lanes" which is where Laira has amnesia and thinks she's space pilot much younger Laira (which was fun) because I really think space pilot Laira could go somewhere. So I think about that one because I write to write a more complicated fic vaguely in that direction.

I also think about Federation Labor Code Section 51A-11, subparagraph 2, because it's adorable, and I have such a soft spot for Laira doing her job, and feeling terrible while she does it, and only Michael knowing. This idea makes my heart mush in my chest. There are so many more labor codes to make up and fun ways to break them and it's cute, they're cute together.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Worry less about what other people think about it. Comments are fun, they're wonderful, but the writing itself is a journey. You get better the more you write, and the process is what you enjoy. Write things that make you happy, enjoy writing them, don't be ashamed for liking what you like. I do the same thing over and over, but I enjoy it. Other people do this too, and enjoy themselves, I would feel better if I let myself write without shame.

4. What's your relationship to fic stats?

They're fun! I like that ao3 has been tracking things for me for 15 years. There's little fun things in there. In a good year, I write around 200,000 words. I'm almost to 3 million words on ao3. I'm almost to 1 million hits. These are fun things. I like knowing they are out there. It's little ways to motivate myself.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I can't think of one at the moment. I miss the people who talked to me while I wrote some of my previously pairings. I seem to swap friend groups as I swap fandoms/pairings and I miss people when I don't talk to them any more. Lately they get too busy, move on before I finish something, and then I finish it on my own, and it's rather lonely. The last two long fics I've been really into (Michael Burnham/Laira Rillak) and ( gen Philippa Georgiou) have gotten me through since 2020. I definitely have a candle for all the pairings I've been really into. (Elizabeth Weir/John Sheppard - Stargate Atlantis, Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard - Star Trek: TNG, Kathryn Janeway/Chakotay - Star Trek Voyager, Beverly Crusher/Kathryn Janeway - TNG/VOY, Melinda May/Phil Coulson - Agents of SHIELD, Maleficent/Regina Mills - Once Upon a Time, Regina Mills/Emma Swan - Once Upon a Time.)

I feel contentedly done with most of them though.

Beverly/Kathryn is probably the one I'm most likely to go back to. Elizabeth and John get a little nod every October. Mostly my heart moves on, and I write my specialty for a new pairing, and I see how long I hang out there.

It seems like I will write Una/La'an babyfic at some point. They're adorable. It'll be fun.

5. What motivates you to write?

It may honestly be that femslash babyfic doesn't write itself. It's an unpopular corner of an unpopular corner and usually my favorite pairing is tiny. Some of them haven't been, and it's really fun to be part of a big ship. It's also fun to be part of a tiny little ship when people sail near you in their ship and wave. That's kind of where I am at the moment, and it's nice.

I don't remember a time where I didn't write fanfic. I wrote Addams Family fanfic when I was nine. I have ancient self insert TNG fic from when I was thirteen. I love support and friendship and feelings and vulnerability and little things that aren't important enough to be a whole episode that are important enough to me. I love building relationships and figuring out how to make something sound like it's from the show, and keep it vaguely close enough to the characters that it makes sense.

It's fun. I get a creative outlet and a challenge and friends and something I like reading at the end

6. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

I like women with power and underlying vulnerabilities, often when they're terrible at dealing with their own feelings. I lead towards scifi or fantasy, lots of Star Trek. (probably two thirds of my works are Star Trek of some kind). I like being able to make things up, I love casts with lots of women.

I love the freedom of science fiction and fantasy. I love weird stuff. I'm not that intrigued by things too close to reality.

Usually I find a character I like and fixate on her and then decide whom I ship her with. (Often it's the person who would fuss over her if she had a headache). Sometimes they have scenes together, sometimes they don't. I've shipped several f/m pairings in the past, lately it's all femslash.

I care more about the mutual looking after each other when it's a f/f [pairing, I am kind of biased towards the female character in most of my f/m fics. She's Barbie, he's just Ken. Barbie/Barbie is much more fun for me.

I love it when the characters have people who love them around them, and I like building the friendships that go with the relationship. I like to make this place where they look after each other, or expand it. It brings me joy.

7. If you're stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

Start another one! (i wish I was joking). Take a walk, paint, play video games, go do a chore. I rarely have enough time and energy free to be stuck. It's either going well or I'm too tired to write. Usually now my problems are not, I have time to write and I don't know what to write. It's I don't have time or energy to write. I have to work, I have chores and I…

I am filling this out instead of writing but this is fun and I've been meaning to do it for ages.

I talk about my WIP with anyone who will listen or write another fic, if I am stuck but have time to write. Rarely does this occur. Usually I have no time / energy, which is different than stuck.

8. What do you wish people knew about comments?

They're a fabulous way to make friends, if you want. I would love to hear the little things you didn't put into a fic when I comment on yours. If you're reading something for the 10th time, I'd love to know. I mean to reply to them, I try, and sometimes I forget or they get buried. I treasure them. Thank you for taking the time. It means worlds to me.

9. Maybe there's a question you wish had been on here. What's that questions (and answer)?

@fiadorable chose How are you feeling about writing today? and that's a good question. So I'll go with that.

I feel good about writing today. I'm finishing up my Discovery Big Bang, and that's going well, it's been fleshed out where it needed to be and I know what happens in the end I just need to drag all the threads together.

It's been a few weeks since I had the time and energy to write anything and it's nice to be on the upswing where things feel hopeful and fun.

It's genuinely been fun to add on little things and pull the big bang fic together. I'm excited about it.

Tagging @onmytallesttiptoesspinning @astrotrek86 @pilcrowtudinous @mylittleredgirl @moomkin77 @concentfortea @an-inky-fingered-lass @lenfaz @havocthecat @bessemerprocess @elephant-in-the-pride-parade @divinemissem13 @lorcaswhisky

if you feel inclined.

[otakween]

Digital Monster: D-Project - Final Thoughts

Some quick stats:

This is my 13th Digimon game completed in less than 2 years, yay me!

This game took me 10 days to play. Love me a game that doesn't overstay its welcome.

This game was fantastic! It was probably most similar to the first Digimon World gameplay-wise, but waaay less convoluted and a lot cuter. Unlike in DW I had no problem getting the digivolutions I wanted and progressing through the game at a comfortable pace. There were a few "guide dang it!" moments here and there, but the game is mostly reasonable about hinting at what you're supposed to be doing. Full thoughts below.

Notes:

I loved the meta premise of this game. Basically when you boot it up, DemiDevimon comes along and "corrupts your game file." You then get sucked into the game world, "Swan World" (geddit, cuz Wonderswan?) The rest of the game is dedicated to restoring your corrupted surroundings and returning evil digimon to their nice forms. Very satisfying.

The v-pet aspect of the game was fun. The controls for calling/releasing your digimon were very intuitive. I liked how I could release them in various places like I was putting them out to pasture. The only really annoying thing was keeping the digimon fed because you had to input 4 digits to get one meat over and over and over again.

Of course I just used a guide to figure out the right codes, but the "enter a code and get a mystery digiegg" gimmick was cute. I really liked the animation of the egg slowly generating. It was a little weird because what digiegg you started with didn't matter much in the end, but oh well.

For some reason you have the ability to praise and scold your digimon? I understand praising because maybe it raises their happiness (I never actually checked), but there is no advantage to scolding in this game as far as I could tell.

Instead of the DW1 digivolution mechanic where you need a PHD in digivolving to get the right digimon, you just raise them in a certain environment to get the desired outcome. SO much easier. I liked that I could switch from line to line going from rookie to champion to make the game go quicker.

Except for the crazy last boss, it sort of felt like the difficulty level remained the same throughout the whole game. I brought a rookie into many battles, for example, and ended up being fine.

Omg the sprites in this game are so good!! Battling was so fun to watch (you can button mash to improve accuracy, but you don't really participate). Some kind soul uploaded all the sprites for download. I thought the Kyubimon victory animation was really funny:

Once I discovered jogress/DNA evolution I was like HELL YEAH 🔥🔥🔥 cuz the animation was so badass and took up like half the screen (wish I got more screenshots). There was also a really satisfying "BOOM!" sound effect during digivolution.

Lots of colorful, fun environments (especially compared to the last game which was blah). Another quality of life complaint is you have to go all the way to the start of the map every time you need food. There should have been more shortcuts to get from place to place.

I was actually kind of grateful that digimon die in this game. They have a pretty long lifespan, which is nice, but sometimes you need to clear up storage in your PC or you want the chance to raise a different type, so mons dying wasn't as soul crushing as in previous games.

If you can't read Japanese, I think I'd still recommend this game. The visuals and gameplay are enough to carry it and the controls/menus are pretty simple.

I give Digital Monster: D-Project an 8 out of 10

[wishiwaspretty]

Hi!!! I'm finally making myself a little intro post ^^ You can call me Nancy ig lol~Not my real name obv. The purpose of this blog is to hopefully keep myself accountable for getting ✨skinny✨ My goal aesthetic is tan skin, tiny waist, long messy hair, paint on my flannels and jorts, slim thighs, my red pickup, dancing in the rain, chaotic laughter, the windows rolled down, climbing trees, painting shoes, running through the forest, and dirt and blood and paint under my nails. I don't want to look sickly and boney, I want to look full of life and passion. I want to be beautiful~And for me to be beautiful I must be skinny.

STATS: -HEIGHT: 5'6" -HW: Somewhere in the high 130s -LW: 114.3 -CW: 130.8 -GW1: 125 ~ I get gauche paints!! -GW2: 120 ~ I get to give myself a second piercing -GW3: 115 ~ I get to buy clothes -UGW (unless I make it lower later): 110 ~ I get to be skinny

Last Binge: 5/22

EXTRA: -MINOR!! I'm comfortable interacting with adults tbh (I'm 17, I'm nearly there) but just don't be weird please. -Absolutely NOT looking for an ana coach!! -I love art, writing, and reading. -I am pro-recovery. I wouldn't wish this disorder on anyone, and everyone deserves to live a happy, healthy life. And, I think fat people can be beautiful, HOWEVER, being fat is not healthy and I don't support fat positivity. It's your life so do what you want (I'm not gonna make fun of anyone for being fat), but fat activists claiming that being fat is perfectly healthy just irks me because it's simply not true. Being fat is only hurting yourself, but spreading that misinformation could hurt others, too. -I'm constantly mistyping and misspelling because i'm so tired and brain-fogged lmao -I have two adorable dogs named Lady and Oliver <33

[cagemasterfantasy]

(Almost) every single canon adventure for dnd 5e in order for @doodl3 and any other adventure that happens to stumble upon these

Lost Mine of Phandelver (the adventure the book The Shattered Obelisk is based off of and is the starter set for 5e) Hoard of the Dragon Queen (The first official adventure for 5e) Rise of Tiamat(The Sequel to Hoard of the Dragon Queen) Princes of the Apocalypse Out of the Abyss (for Undertale fans this is going to be the closest you'll get to Undertale Dnd or at the very least Deltarune) Curse of Strahd Storm King's Thunder Tales From The Yawning Portal (this is the first dnd book to feature multiple dnd adventures from the past modified for 5e with the adventures in order being (The Sunless Citadel, The Forge of Fury, The Hidden Shrine of Tamoachan, White Plume Mountain, Dead in Thay, Against the Giants and The original Tomb of Horrors) Tomb of Annihilation (this one is a bit like Legend of Zelda sorry for the quality this was the best one I could find) Waterdeep Dragon Heist Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage (like Rise of Tiamat this is the sequel to Dragon Heist) Ghosts of Saltmarsh (for those fans of Pirates of the Caribbean this one is for you like Yawning Portal this is yet another mashup of past dnd adventures modified for 5e those adventures being: The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh, Danger at Dunwater, Salvage Operation, Isle of the Abbey, The Final Enemy, Tammeraut's Fate and The Styes) Dragon of Icespire Peak (the second of the 3 starter sets) Baldur's Gate - Descent into Avernus Icewind Dale - Rime of the Frostmaiden Candlekeep Mysteries (this is a set of mini adventures :D) The Wild Beyond the Witchlight (if you love Satyrs you'll love this one) Journeys through the Radiant Citadel (Another set of mini adventures :D) Dragons of Stormwreck Isle (the final starter set for 5e) Keys From The Golden Vault (yet again another set of mini adventures :D) Chains of Asmodeus (Here's a little fun fact about this adventure even though it's centered around the Nine Hells this book was used for charity where half of the proceeds made by this book were donated to charity :D)

Sorry I couldn't find The Shattered Obelisk, Vecna: Eve of Ruin or Quests from the Infinite Staircase (the final set of past dnd adventures reformated for 5e)

In these books you will also find maps, stories, monsters and unique magic items that aren't in any of the other books (Don't worry they give descriptions on what the magic items do and they even provide monster stat blocks)

To @doodl3 and any other adventurer who stumbles upon these please enjoy these books. 5e has been almost my entire life and these books have always made me so happy. I am sad to see 5e go next month (as of me typing this). But with these pdfs you can now view the adventures I've been on and replay them as you wish. To any who see this may these stories inspire you to write epic stories and as I always say: May your dice roles be legendary. Whoever reads this and reads all of these books 1 you are awesome VIRTUAL FIST BUMP FROM ME. 2 please tell me which of these books you enjoyed :D.

Oh ps you'll need the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide and Monster Manual to read these books.

[disgruntledkittenface]

annual* writing self evaluation

thank you @kingsofeverything and @nouies for tagging me!

1. List of works published this year:

I Choose You

when we're finished saying nothing

count me in

too into you

routine surveillance

you wanna be on top?

Suddenly Last Summer

if i'm being honest

it's a holidate

Red

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Suddenly Last Summer. I let myself let go and have fun and write exactly what I wanted, and I love the way it turned out.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I hate this questionnnn

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I love this bit from Red, the fic I wrote for @crinkle-eyed-boo birthday:

When Harry turns his head to bite Louis’ earlobe, Louis buries his face in Harry’s hair, breathing him in. He detects a faint whiff of smoke, and frowns.

“Did you smoke?”

Harry presses his face into Louis’ neck, nodding. 

“Oh, no,” Louis says, rubbing a soothing hand over Harry’s bare back. “I know you hate to smoke without me.”

Louis barely hears the whisper as Harry says, “I’m sorry,” since he doesn’t bother to lift his lips from Louis’ skin. But then Harry says it again, louder, following it with a kiss against Louis’ neck. And then again, over and over, leaving apologies and kisses against Louis’ skin like he wants them to stay, as permanent as the ink of their tattoos. Louis sags against the wall, trusting Harry to hold his weight, as the relief finally hits him. Harry hates apologizing, even when he knows he’s wrong. And Louis can’t even remember who was wrong, and more than that, he doesn’t care. He just wants Harry back. He doesn’t need Harry to beg, and it feels like that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. 

“Baby,” Louis says at last. “Stop, stop it. I’m sorry.”

A tear slips down Louis’ neck, and he wrinkles his brow in confusion. He hasn’t cried in several minutes, a record for him today, if not every day since the breakup. But then a sob wracks Harry’s body, his grip tightening on Louis as his shoulders shake. 

“Oh, baby,” Louis says, petting Harry’s hair. “No, baby, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“I just missed you,” Harry chokes out. When he draws back, it’s Louis’ turn to smooth away his tears. “I missed you so fucking much, Lou.”

“I missed you, too,” Louis says, resting his forehead against Harry’s. “We’ve never been this stupid before, have we?”

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I really loved getting both @kingsofeverything and @allwaswell16 reactions to Suddenly Last Summer! Lauren theorized via voice note and I was glued to my email while Anitra commented as she read, and it all just felt really good!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I'm not going to lie, writing was not that hard this year. I think I was just picking things I really wanted to write for myself. And it was a good coping mechanism when things were hard in my personal life. But honestly, it kind of feels like dumb luck because I've definitely had my share of writing block.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I don't know where the itch to write dark Harry in routine surveillance came from!! That took me by surprise, and I loved doing it.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I think just by writing for myself. I always wish I had different stats on my fics, but I can't write with trying to please people in mind.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I don't know! Keep writing for myself and being the weirdo who likes to do lots of different things.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I am fortunate to have a lot of support!! This year, I really noticed the lovely comments I was getting from @nouies <3

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Yes! Just about everything that the cat does in if i'm being honest has been done by one of my new cats. It's my love letter to them.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I don't think I have much new wisdom. I always say pay attention to the writing advice that works for you, and ignore the rest. I think telling a story and making people feel something matters more than the technique, but I also say that as someone who has spent a lot of time on technique so don't listen to me if you don't want to!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I want to write a girl direction When Harry Met Sally AU and make it VERY GAY and I'm excited about it!!

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@neondiamond @homosociallyyours @absoloutenonsense

*All answers should be about works published in 2023

[neoninky]

Writer Thoughts (I used to keep count but who knows anymore)

Hey y'all~ how is everyone?? Normally I'd be working on the next chapter of 'Her Devoted Shield' today BUT....I'm doing something a lil different than my norm. First, the flagship fic of my Sacred Crown TWST Canon x OC series, 'Her Ivory Crown', was started and finished in 2021. On paper, not that long ago, but it feels like a lifetime ago. Plus three years in internet time is basically a hundred years lol. Why do I bring that up, you, (your name here), may be wondering? Welp I woke up today with the best AO3 notifications waiting for me in the email: the 'someone commented on yo fic, babyyy!' notifications. Ah, chef kiss. To my surprise - it was on Her Ivory Crown. So my first thought was "damn people still read this??" Surprise part 2: I checked the stats and Her Ivory Crown has 7100 hits???! DAYUM, people still read this!

So before I say anything else - to everyone who has read and still reads Her Ivory Crown (or any of my fics frankly), y'all are the REALEST thank you thank you thank you! ;u;

I have no idea what anime that gif is from if anyone knows tell me cuz it looks SO CUTE

SO with that said-*rewinds back to the part about doing something different*- I've been thinking of my other girls who were introduced in Her Ivory Crown but haven't been in the spotlight as much yet. My readers know Reine, Elise, the Cerith Sisters, and their whole crew. Reine keeps making cameos cuz she's the OG waifu who is a literal queen, but her story is pretty much complete as is the Mercrew's. So while I'm also working out details for Petra's far more complicated story, I think my other girls should have their turn(s).

Initially, I had planned for each girl to get their own full-blown stories like Reine, Elise, and now Petra. However, with that said, while the Princess Trio's stories are more grand in scale, and sometimes way darker and adventurous, my other girls' stories would be more slice of life, down to earth. Which may not call for a 16+ chapter story like the others. Granted I could prove myself wrong on that but even so, they would still have their own short(er) stories about how they and their canon bois got together. I have ideas in mind, some that are very K-Dramaesqe and I do love me a good K-Drama lol. Which honestly, I've been craving the latter lately. I'm still gonna work on Petra's story cuz I like finishing what I start. But today, I'm changing gears and writing for one of my other girls. Who up first? ..... ...........

Scarabia fans rejoice - your time is now. We goin to the country of Scalding Sands and Hot Bois, babyyyy lol

Normally I put shorter stories in my Sacred Crown Shorts entry on my AO3 page since it's supposed to be more like an anthology. But not this time, oh no, the Almascaber/Scarabia adjacent girls are getting their own posted story: 'Her Third Wish'

So be on the lookout for that and thank you again so much for your likes/kudos, comments, and general enjoyment of my fics. Hope y'all have a good day!

*jumps down the writing rabbit hole*

tagging peeps activated: @nuitthegoddess @wysteriadelights @thosebrookfieldgirls @iscarlettappel @foxwitchaine @victoria1676 @yunaemiya @feldya @ladyrosemoon @1ndigowitch @shironakuronatasa @sapphireblaster3000 @valy-gc

[slocumjoe]

Something I wish they did in fo4 is recognize when you’re cheating on a romanced character… I have a few ideas but I’m curious how you think this should play out in game

This is actually a pervasive...I don't want to call it an issue...roadblock, maybe? In games with romances. Seems like no one knows how to handle this.

Verilybitchie on YouTube has a great video called "bisexuality in video games" that goes into this, so if you don't want to read this, just go put that on in the background.

Also sorry this isn't a react, but I've always had Thoughts on this

So, since this is a Fallout blog, we're talking Fallout first.

In Fo4, you can romance every single companion in the game. Well, the romancable ones (sorry, Nick harem). The only requirement to romance someone is raise their affinity through actions or natural, slow-building of the stat (affinity will slowly raise itself over time), and then you select and succeed at the final romance dice roll. Sometimes there is a quest.

Already we have an issue, because there is no feasible way to logically date all these people. It isn't a numbers issue; it's the fact that most of them hate each other. If you're (you as the sole survivor) can romance and make Hancock swoon for you, its not likely you're the type that can reel Danse. You can't be the kind of person who Preston would fall for, while also pulling Gage. That kind of thing. It isn't that no one would be down to be poly, its that most of them have so few of the others that they'd be poly with. Again, Gage is not sharing with fucking Preston, and he sure as hell isn't falling for someone who Preston can love.

It's just so players can see all the romances, I think, but it's never...it's ludodissonance, I think. At most, a romanced character will hate it if you flirt with someone else in their presence, but I don't believe it'll amount to anything.

So, what would that amount to, IRL? Everyone would be pissed! Their partner has a secret harem that doesn't know its a harem! That's an awful thing to feel. But if Sole sat them all down and explained they wanted all of them at once...still wouldn't work. I don't think any of them would really be comfortable with poly, and all of them have at least one person would they wouldn't want to be poly with. For most of them, that person is Danse. Which is very funny to me.

The thing is, Fallout 4 is a huge game, and making a game is. Fucking Difficult. It is a nightmare. And you'd have to program in all of the different combinations of reactions. That's potentially 144 conversations, if you think about every companion reacting to you being with another companion. Then you have the potential of a companion reacting to you being with two other companions. Three. The number gets insane. And Fallout 4 is humoring us with the socializing/dialog as is, so that's obviously not happening.

In Dragon Age Inquisition, you can flirt with everyone, pretty sure, regardless of romance status. If I remember correctly. But if you romance someone, than try to pursue a romance with someone else, person 2 will waggle their finger at you like nuh-uh-uh, you very naughty boy! Even when it doesn't make much sense for them.

The Iron Bull, for example, i think would be down for a poly relationship. Sera, maybe, I could see that too. Josephine is a manager, so I can see her liking the idea of delegating her love life to an outside contractor when she doesn't have the time. There are romances, here, that could have multiple people. But DAI says no, you can't. But it gets real loosey goosey with what is and isn't cheating.

So, I played that game as a dude, and obviously I went straight for Cassandra, my buff book nerd warrior princess darling. I flirted with no one else. No one. I romanced her and her alone.

BUT.

For those not in the know, Dorian is a character in DAI. His thing is that he's gay from a homophobic country, and his dad tried to conversion therapy him via magic. You go take him to meet his dad, since he showed up looking for Dorian. Dorian spells it out for you that he's gay, since while its kind of obvious, he keeps it hush due to. Well. His experiences.

You have the option to tell Dorian you've been with the same gender yourself. It's marked as flirty if you're a guy, not sure if its the same as a woman. But for a male character, this is flirting with Dorian.

Later, when you talk to Dorian back at home base, you have some options to comfort him, because obviously he's kind of upset. One of these options, I knew to be saying you actually think better of him, and think he's been very brave. I picked this the first playthrough, because I felt it was more genuine and kind.

Second playthrough, I also picked the "I'm gay too" option from earlier.

When I picked the "I think better of you option" back at base...

I'd flirted only with Cassandra. I was dating her.

And my guy and Dorian started sucking face in the corner of a library.

NEVER FLIRTED WITH HIM BEFORE. All I did was say I was also gay, and then I said I thought he was strong for going through the shit he did. Thing is, you can romance Dorian immediately following the end of that quest. So, I tested something. We just made out for like, five minutes. Wanna date? "Aren't you with Cassandra?"

So, the issue here with DAI is that it doesn't always account for...oddities. For example, The Iron Bull will flirt with you hardcore if you flirt with him, but you try to pursue him while in a relationship, he won't. He'll tell you you have great tits and that he likes being pegged, all while making suggestive faces, but the moment those birds come to roost, he's out. What? Why not? Josephine would totally be down to clown with two beefy Qunari men, Bull would be down to clown with Josie! Why is this here???

Again. Games are really hard to program. And that's after you've written all the actual story.

For DAI, I can think of three romances that would be down for poly. So, you don't have much to do there. But there's still other things you need to account for. You can't acknowledge one thing, and ignore the others. If I threesome with Sera and Josie, what happens if I try throwing Bull into the mix? What happens if I break up with Sera? What happens if we ditch Josie, and add Bull, when Sera is a lesbian? Get the issue? Relationships are fucking complicated. Especially when you're the asshole having to puppeteer them in every possible direction, in the name of player freedom.

In the other direction, we have Stardew Valley. I compare it to a child's xylophone toy with utmost affection, its very plinky-plonky in nature.

SDV works on a heart system. 8 hearts with a bachelor or bachelorette, you can offer them a bouquet and start dating. At 10 hearts, you can propose and get married.

If you marry someone, you can date as many other people as you like. You might get a cutscene where your spouse is jealous that you're giving someone else presents, but they don't actually acknowledge that you have a side piece or two. And this jealous cutscene only plays with...a side piece of the same gender as the spouse. So, the character Shane doesn't care if you and Emily had sex in the woods, but God Forbid you give Elliot a duck feather.

HOWEVER. If you reach 10 hearts with all romance options of one gender (meaning you reach 10 with all of the boys, or 10 with all the girls), you get a cutscene where all of the boys or girls confront you with your cheating, and they're all pissed at you for, like, a week in game.

HOWEVER HOWEVER, you can skip this by carrying a lucky rabbit's foot in your inventory. If you have the foot, the cutscenes just play as you hanging out. So, the boys, rather than confronting you, just have a friendly game of pool, and the girls will just chat, I think. So, the only real acknowledgement that you have multiple partners can be skipped.

On the flip side, there's Skyrim. There is no flirting in skyrim, at all. You wear a necklace, and if the person is available, they'll comment on the necklace. You get married, and then you can never divorce your spouse, or get a new one. It's the game equivalent to church kids getting married right out of high school and sticking with it.

The only game I've ever seen handle this, and handle it well, is Hades.

Hades Supergiant my beloved.

In Hades, you play as Zagreus, the son of Hades trying to escape the underworld, because Hades got full custody in the divorce and Zag wants to see his mom on weekends. I kid but that's literally the plot.

Zagreus used to be dating the fury, Megaera, who also works for Hades as an enforcer and guard. She kills Zagreus in his escape attempts. Their relationship ended poorly, and its heavily implied to be because of Zagreus being a shithead to her. She's pissed at Zag, but with enough time and Zag making amends and apologizing, she is more than willing to be friends again.

Then we have Thanatos, the god of Death. He's always busy, and you never hear of him until a certain point in the game. It takes a long time for him to show himself. When he does, it's with a ringing bell, and the area turns green with his presence. He and Zag have a much more complicated relationship, as they've both carried a flame for each other, and never acted on it. Thanatos will appear to help Zag kill enemies before he starts showing at the hub world.

Finally, we have Dusa. Dusa is a floating gorgon head. You know Medusa? Cut off her head. That is Dusa, as her own entity. She's the shy, skittish, workaholic maid for the house of Hades (the hubworld) and has an obvious crush on Zagreus, day one. Whenever you talk to her, heart effects appear, and she quickly flees. She's attracted to Zag, but she's so skittish, building a relationship with her is more like trying to make a stray cat accept pets and treats. She's down, but she needs to get comfy around Zag, not feel so shy.

You can romance all three of these people! If you romance Thanatos and Meg, they'll show up in your bedroom, and you have a brief conversation about how this relationship will work, and if you're down, all three of you hook up. Then, for the rest of the game, you have a boyfriend and girlfriend! As for Dusa, they know about her, too, and she knows about them. Dusa just can't or doesn't want to have sex, so she's more of Zagreus's platonic partner. It's hard to explain. They don't have sex because Dusa isn't into it. It's very cute and sweet.

But the point is, Than, Meg, and Dusa will get together and figure out what they want, then approach Zagreus and see what he wants, and they all work it out from there. This is possible because there are so few romance options, and the writers accounted for people wanting all three. That's actually the intended path! But either way, Supergiant considered how romance would work and function in the setting they built, and how their characters would react and adapt.

Since they were working with a small number of characters, they could easily slot in different paths and choices. You can turn down Than, Meg, and Dusa. Turn down two of them. Accept all of them! And by having characters that like each other, you don't have to worry about Person B looking at Person C and gagging at the idea of sharing Person A.

The problem with romances in video games is that, if the game isn't, specifically, about the romances, you're not going to get a fully-realized experience. Hades has two gameplay modes; the escape attempts with the combat, and the visual novel side of the game with the developing relationships with all of the characters, romances or not. Hades very much puts both things in the spotlight—and it gets away with it, because Zagreus is a fully-realized character, who is not customizable and has no player input. Zagrues decides things on his own, not because a player pushed a button to accept a quest. You don't get to puppet him around. You get very few choices in dialogue with Zagreus.

Most games with romances, you play as a customizable character, who can be anyone, and do anything. The game devs have to account for that. To account for that, everything has to be squishy, and maliable, and that means that nothing really...matters. It can't! If you put too much importance on something, but the player has x amount of freedom, there's a chance they could miss it, or break it, or do something to render it moot. In Mass Effect 2, I believe, you have the choice to save the space government. If you let them gov die, in the next game, the new government is just...the old one in different suits. Letting the gov die is a big fucking deal, but because you made it a choice, you can't expend too much time and effort on realizing the consequences. Because you also need the timeline where the gov was saved. Why would you put so much time into an optional thing, when its possible most players will choose to do the intended path of saving the space gov?

Well, its the same for romances. Why put so much time into paths and consequences that some people won't see? Why would you write discussions of Sera wondering why you thought she'd have sex with Bull, a man, when most people aren't going to do that? Why would you write 144+ reactions to you cheating on all of the fallout 4 companions?

Writing is both very easy, and very hard. Getting ideas is easy. Working out the kinks in those ideas is hard as shit. Add a deadline, a budget, and lots of investors waiting expectantly, and lots of shit gets chucked on the cutting room floor.

[spiderfreedom]

The Curtain Closes, For Now

It's been a few months and I haven't really felt a desire to go back to feminist blogging. In some sense, I feel like I've said what I've needed to say, and reached the limit of what I can do with my words. I'm not an especially persuasive person, so my attempts to kind of get any sort of organized action going failed. Maybe I'll be back one day, but for now, this is the end.

I learned so much here, and the time I spent really changed how I viewed the world. I can't regret it. I met so many amazing women and was encouraged for the first time in my life to center women.

At the same time, I felt I was living a double life, which was extremely painful psychologically. I had an entire second part of my life I could not tell anyone about. It hurt, physically. I knew this couldn't last forever.

I also felt like there was no long term future for writing certain things here. We have diversity, yes, but some things seem to have become axiomatic in the community. There is nothing wrong with having principles, but there are issues when your commitment to a value prevents you from incorporating new evidence. I have met a lot of people who feel the same way I do about certain things - feeling that it is not wise to discuss certain things asexuality, sexual relations with male people, or the origins of MTF (beyond 'pornsickness', 'misogyny', 'internalized homophobia'). I don't like how many people have felt they couldn't be open about their experiences or theories without risking censure.

I don't foresee this changing in the future. Tumblr communities are notoriously difficult for anyone to control or set norms for. At a certain point, I realized that I simply don't belong here anymore. Perhaps the interests have diverged too much. I worried I was becoming too focused on a single interpretation of the world.

I will leave my posts up for the time being. Many people have told me they have helped them, which is perhaps the greatest gift I got. If I can help someone else organize their thoughts or find stats and resources, then I am happy. I wish I could have done more, but I can't continue to live a double life, and especially a double life within the double life.

My political views have mostly not changed, but it's easier to live day-to-day now. I roll my eyes when someone talks about le ebil radfems. I could tell them stories about what radfems really are like - a very diverse group of women concerned with misogyny, with a radical framework. But they wouldn't want to listen. Their loss. I will keep centering women anyway.

If you would like to contact me for whatever reason, feel free to DM me, though I can't promise I'll reply quickly. I'll log in every now and then.

Thank you for reading, and best wishes for the future.

EDIT: oh yeah, I was also retraumatizing myself by constantly exposing myself to misogyny, violence against women, and the mistreatment of gnc and autistic women. I went through a pretty dark period because of it. It was not at all sustainable. I don't blame anyone for this except myself, as I failed to curate my own experience, but this political work inevitably requires seeing that material. I can't do it anymore.