#I wish I had time to explain this to him but whateva

[designedtoendure]

🌾💐🪵

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ NEKOMA WITH A SHY! ANXIOUS AND ASTHMATIC MANAGER ! ❞

✎ . . . hello since your requests are open may i request vbc teams (karasuno, nekoma and shiratorizawa) + shy manager with anxiety and asthma? i rlly am hungry for some team dynamics and your work is amazing so if you may? YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT THOUGH!

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ nekoma vbc <3

[ trigger warnings ━ none ]

✎ . . . TEAM MANAGER HEADCANONS.

[ other parts coming soon . . . ]

NEKOMA VBC.

➜ after finding out about karasuno having TWO managers now,

➜ like they  m u l t i p l i e d ✖➗➕➖

➜ and with taketora's failure of recruiting one,

➜ kuroo was PRACTICALLY BEGGING YOU to be their manager

➜ his reasons being and i quote; “ giving more motivation to the team ” and of course “ to show those bastards the sanctity of nekoma ”

➜ and rooster boi was a determined person, once he sets his mind to something ─ he will do everything to attain it

➜ you knew kuroo ever since you first started first year with him, the both of you quietly competing against each other on your collage preparatory class but soon grew closer to be called friends

➜ but he'd always call you his rival even though it was lowkey one-sided

➜ and after hearing that the club you joined in this year, just for the sake of joining; disbanded, and kuroo was UNASHAMED to ask of you to be the manager of their team

➜ it's been two ever since nekoma had a manager and he was TIRED™ of not having one and it was already his last year playing

➜ you having no other reasons to object, you agreed, but not without asking in a small voice to help you introduce yourself to the team

➜ you were shy to new people ─ hell, even after knowing him for three years you would still get shy around him

➜ and because of that, kuroo was already one step ahead of everything;

➜ talking to the reliable third years ─ kai and yaku, about looking out for you explaining your slight anxiety and asthma problems

➜ homeboy would have a team meeting just to discuss and announce about a new female manager

➜ YAMAMOTO DEAD ASS DROPPED ON HIS KNEES WITH TEARS ON HIS EYES AND PRAISED WHOEVER GAVE HIM THIS OPPORTUNITY

➜ the third years weren't shocked, since kuroo already had a word with them seperately

➜ LEV, BABY BOY WAS ECSTATIC, HE WAS ALWAYS IN FOR THE IDEA OF MEETING SOMEONE NEW

➜ kuroo knew that lev would be ALL UP ON HER FACE if he doesn't do anythibg about it, so he threatened on benching him if he ever does something to scare away this ONE CHANCE of having a real girl manager

➜ fukunaga was curious to say the least, he wondered how it would be like to have a girl manager helping them around since it's always him and yaku

➜ inuoka, being the bubbly boy he is, was excited to have a female manager, since it is his first year in the vbc

➜ kenma was just straight up vibin, he already knew alot about everything he needed to know about you because of kuroo

➜ but still listened as he played with his psp

➜ shibayama and tamahiko were neutral about it honestly, satisfied because their team needed a bit more motivation if they wanted to win nationals

➜ kuroo just wanted to make you feel comfortable and safe with the team

➜ genuinely, the team didn't know how it would honestly flow with actually meeting their manager

➜ scared of scaring her off, they remained uncharacteristically toned down abit right before they meet you

➜ kuroo opened the metal doors to the volleyball gym, while peaking your pretty little head out to see where the members where; you were shocked to see them straightening their backs the second they saw your head peaking out from behind kuroo

➜ it was . . silent, and it was weird since, you've once secretly dropped by on their practices and they were evidently chaotic just by the sounds of their voices which echoed around the gym

➜ your palpitations slowed down a bit as you fully showed yourself to the members before flusteredly bowing at them

“ I HOPE WE CAN GET ALONG ”

➜ it was quiet for a second, before you hear sobbing as you lifted your head up to see yamamoto trying not to cry

“ this, this is my first time having a female manager . . . ” with snot drooling from his nose

➜ being the worried sweet senpai manager you are, you hurriedly took out your unused napkin from your pocket which you packed for the sole purpose of avoiding smoke; offering the napkin to him as it only made him burst into TEARS streaming down his face

➜ like that scene where the third years and second years bursted in tears when kiyoko put up their banner?

➜ yeah that

➜ but it's just taketora LMAOO

➜ before their captain could tell him off, a small laugh came out of you and kuroo just looked at you like

➜ 👁👁

➜ kuroo : ma'AM DID YOU JUST ─

➜ cue kuroo also dying inside because YOU. RARELY. LAUGH.

➜ since you're more on the reserved side

➜ kai and yaku almost had to put their foot down because now you have broken their captain until you spoke out

“ i was honestly anxious when you guys were quiet, since i've never seen you guys as serious whenever i try and drop by to look. ”

➜ in the end of the meeting you've got acquaintaned yourself with shibayama and inouka, though the former seemed a bit flustered.

➜ you've also hold a small conversation with kenma, the both of you kinda clicked right away since both of you were a bit shy aswell. while you listened to lev rambling excitedly, not noticing your slight trembling figure

➜ bECAUSE MANS WAS A WHOLE ASS ONE FOOT TALLER THAN YOU

➜ after meeting them, the team had already attached themselves in your heart

➜ baby girl you are ATTACHED

➜ though it was subtle but you've noticed how the boys really cared about you ─ bruh even coach nekomata since he has noticed that you are a great asset to the team

➜ if not yaku, kai would always remind you of taking your meds for your asthma if you ever have been prescribed one

➜ kenma would always be the first one to notice if you were ever tensed up or your anxiety was acting up

➜ since he's very perceptive and observant

➜ he'd grow a soft spot for you and if he ever sees you stressed, he'd let you borrow his psp

➜ shibayama, inouka, fukunaga and tamahiko would ALWAYS help you carry stuff around because they don't want your asthma to act up or else tHEY WILL ACT UP

➜ fukunaga would always tell you his jokes since now he finally has someone to tell them to whenever he's in the sidelines watching the others play

➜ yamamoto would PROTECT you from any dangers, like literally, mans knew he was done for the day you gave him your napkin 👁👄👁

➜ you're literally one of the first girls he isn't shy to talk to and one of the first girls to not scurry away whenever he's near

➜ as i said, yaku would BE YOUR MOTHER, he'd one step ahead with having extra masks for you on his bag and an extra inhaler he borrowed from you in case you have forgotten yours

➜ LEV, KUROO & YAMAMOTO ARE YOUR BODY GUARDS AND THAT'S ON PERIODT😡💅

➜ period. periodt. periodism. periodic table.

➜ would not let any guy from other teams come your way and bother you while being the good manager you are

➜ and while doing so, shows you off as they are basically saying “ this is the sanctity of nekoma, you bastards wish you were us. ”

➜ these boys CARE FOR YOU like alot and they love it when you reciprocate their love

➜ whenever you surprise them every other day with their favourite snacks despite always being anxious of looking at the eyes of the guy on cash register,

➜ always having their towels and waterbottles ready for them to use after practice

➜ giving them clarity of mind before a match and whenever the non-regulars start to feel insecure

➜ overall, they'd be the sweetest boys of yours that would give and likely to give you the world to you as you would to them😡💝

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . i'm crying bubs, y'all had me at 200 last night ?? um okay i didn't even know people like me enought to even follow me 🥺 y'all cute or whateva😳✋ i'm not even DONE WITH MY LOVE LANGUAGE HEADCANONS FOR 100 FOLLOWERS HSJSJDJ but here's a manger headcanons mini series one of my nonnie's requested for to celebrate 200 of you guys !! <33

[ 📼 ] . . . I also know a bit of about asthma because i also had experience with it when i was young, and my little brother still has them while i've already grown out of it.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

You post/reblog stuff a lot, I didn’t see the notification for my last ask. Anyway, could I request another thing? A continuation to my first ever request to you? So the reader returns to Zardy's Maze days later and while she's looking for him, she runs into Pumpkin Jack instead. But jokes on him, cuz reader has Unbreakable! So she gets up when he leaves and tries to find Zardy again. How'd he react to see reader in the injured state? —Warlock Anon

Y e s. Also my reader in the last one was general-neutral so imma leave it that way

...........

When you reentered the corn maze, the air felt a lot chiller than usual. But you were certain it was only the wind. 

There was nothing to be scared of. Zardy reassured you that the creatures who roamed here won’t bring you any harm. Even so, you felt the eyes of the cablecrows watching you close as they zipped from one wooden post to another.

You just shook your head and turned your attention back to the path in front of you. Tonight you were hoping to find Zardy again, though you didn’t find him at the barn nor house outside the maze.

So your only option was to venture further in.

As you cranked the flashlight to charge it, you suddenly felt something wrap around your ankle, and you looked down to see a small pumpkin-like creature--“Pumpkin Crawlers” as Zardy called them.

“Awh hey,” you chuckled. "You wanna come along for the ride?"

The adorable creature didn't respond, but you assumed it didn't mind. And so you tried to keep going...

Only to realize you had to practically drag your leg just to turn the corner. Now you had a problem.

“Hey..I can’t really move with you attached to my leg.” Kneeling down,  you gently tried to unravel the vine that was now constricting your leg. "I'm sorry but-"

However the moment you touched it, the pumpkin crawler suddenly let out an shriek, its main body rapidly decaying before it split apart--right before your very eyes.

“What the hell?” You muttered, although you tensed as you heard distant laughter--

Then all of the sudden, a figure leaped over the cornstalks and landed right in front of you. All you saw was the hat, so you assumed it was Zardy and got up, pushing the dead vine aside.

"Hey, Zardy. When did you learn to jump so-?"

"Zardy? ZARDY??? AHAHAHA!!! Oh boy, ain't that the first time someone confused me for him!" The scarecrow cackled as he raised his head up.

Only now were you able to see that this definitely wasn't the Zardy you knew: He was taller and had dustier clothes, and instead of gloves he had garden cultivators for hands. With a wide grin he scraped them together, making a noise that was most discomforting to you, but you remained calm.

"He never told me about another scarecrow roaming about." You remarked. "You got a name?"

"Huh? Seriously? He never even mentioned me by name?? Aghh..well since yer sooooo polite...the name's Pumpkin Jack. An' that may be the last name ya ever hear." He snickered, before his glowing eyes and mouth formed a scowl. "It's a darn shame he never warned ya about me...or why ya shouldn't have killed one of my precious crawlers."

"..wait I.." You looked back at the rotting pieces of the creature behind you, eyes wide. "I didn't-"

"Now don't be fibbin' now." Without warning, Pumpkin Jack snagged your shirt with his claws, yanking you towards him. "You farmers think you can just chop whateva you feel like an' run for the corn...well not this time!! I'll show ya how it feels to be hacked to pieces!!"

"I didn't come here to chop anything."

"....hm?"

"I don't have an axe with me. I didn't killed that crawler on purpose. I was just trying to remove its vine from my leg and it just...withered away as I touched it." You weren't blind to the danger you were in; you just wanted to explain yourself in hopes he'd grant you mercy.

Begging for it just won't cut it.

He stared at you, tilting his head with increasing suspicion. "Are ya sure ya didn't kill 'im? For all I know ya could'a just thrown the axe into the field when ya heard-"

"Do you think I'd be stupid enough to do that?"

"............"

".........."

The silence between you two was almost deafening. Though he finally decided to believe your words, letting go of you rather forcefully as you tumbled to the ground. You winced as the claws scraped your cheek and left a small tear in your shirt.

"My bad..just wanted to teach ya a lesson." Pumpkin Jack grinned once more. "Don't expect me to forgive ya next time. Gettin' all buddy-buddy with Zardy ain't gonna save you from me."

And with that, he ran off, cackling manically as he jumped to another section of the maze.

Once you got up and dusted yourself off, you heard the familiar scraping of a hoe against dirt, turning around to see Zardy there. "Zardy? Hi!"

"[Y/n]..?" As he recognized you, he gasped and ran over. "What are you doing here all alone?!"

"I just..wanted to see you but I couldn't find you at the barn." You smiled, keeping your hand over the cut so he didn't worry. It was small, thank goodness.

But he didn't buy it, as he immediately moved your hand, horrified upon seeing the blood. Then he noticed the tear in your shirt. "...Jack..he did this, didn't he? That damned old-"

"You never mentioned him to me. Is..there a reason?"

For a moment he was quiet as he took his hand away, before sighing. "I didn't want scare ya into never come back. But now..I wish I warned ya."

You frowned slightly, noticing how guilty he looked. "Hey, it's alright. He didn't shake me, and I think that's what saved my life."

Zardy gazed up at you with surprise, but you could see the light returning to his face as he smiled. "Yer a lucky one..he likes victims who scream their heads off."

"Guess I guess I didn't fit the criteria. By the way, how did you even know I was here?"

"His damn laughter ain't hard to track, and the cornstalkers whispered 'bout seeing ya around."

"Cornstalkers?"

"What you modern folk would call a "surveillance system" But they do nothin' but stare." He gestured to a nearby patch of corn. When you looked over, you could see bright blue eyes shimmering in the shadows of the crops. "They say corn has ears for listenin', but corn here has eyes for lookin', too."

"I assume they got a mouth for talking, too?"

"Yep." He chuckled, before he noticed an approaching drought. 'C'mon, we gotta hustle. We'll talk some more once we're outta here. And oh..watch out for them crawlers."

"Will do, Zardy."

[jazzywrites]

Voices

We love sbi family dynamics

Warnings: panic attacks, mentions of suicide and death

_______________________________________________

It was well known in the server that Technoblade has many voices in his head. They tell him information, directions, or even trolls him. He’s had laughs with them before. Sometimes even enjoys their company.

However, this wasn’t always the case.

In the beginning, when he first heard the voices, they were loud. So unbelievably loud that he'd end up with horrendous migraines.

These stomach-wrenching migraines would require the entire house to be dark and quiet. No one was allowed to talk above a whisper.

Phil began to worry when Techno would wake up screaming from nightmares. Blood curtailing screams that would rattle the entire house, waking everyone up with a jump.

The way Techno described his nightmares to his brother, Wilbur, always caused shivers to release down the brunette’s back.

Gruesome murders, that Techno caused, haunted the poor boy’s unconscious mind. These nightmares were something a normal 11-year-old shouldn’t be having.

One nightmare he explained to Wilbur was that he killed the entire SMP, stepping on their dead bodies, their blood dripping from his hands. While simultaneously having the voices screamed in his ears for more.

“They demand blood, constantly.”

Techno cried to his brother, shaking as he held his knees to his chest.

Wilbur hated to admit it, but he was scared of his brother. The nightmares that he’d describe in disturbing detail and what the voices were saying, caused him to be sick on multiple occasions.

“We should tell dad,” Wilbur suggested with a soft voice, trying desperately not to startle the boy. Techno’s head shot up, a facial expression that kin to fear on his face.

“No! Please don’t tell him. He’s already scared enough as it is.”

Wilbur nodded, knowing that Phil should at least be aware of the situation, but respected his brother's wishes.

“I can handle it,” Techno’s voice, failing him, cracked. They both knew that Techno was close to breaking, but chose not to talk about it.

“Okay, do you want me to stay?” Wilbur asked with sympathy, causing the boy to nod his head.

Sleeping in the same bed as his brother became a regular thing. Phil knew Techno felt safer with Wilbur at night.

One day, Wilbur wanted to sleep in his bed. Techno tried to argue, but his brother wouldn’t budge, saying he just wanted to sprawl out and sleep comfortably. This situation causes the voices to speak up, negatively.

The voices were so loud. So loud that Techno’s face scrunched in pain, causing tears to stream down his red-tinted face. So loud that his head was pounding, throbbing even, it felt as though his head was being crushed by the moon.

They told Techno that he wasn’t worth it, Wilbur hated that he had to take care of him, that Wilbur despised even being in his vicinity. He should grab a kitchen knife and use it on everyone in the house and then off himself.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He let out cries after cries, covering his ears with the palms of his hands.

“Please! Please stop! So loud!” He wailed, curled in a ball, desperately wanting to disappear.

Not being able to withstand it anymore, he let out another blood curtailing scream, but this time it was for his father.

“PHIL! Please! DAD!”

Phil, who was already awake, shot out of bed at the mention of his name. He came running down the hallway, opening up the door with much violence, making it slam into the wall behind it. He ran to his son, sliding down to be at level with him. Seeing Techno’s condition made him reach over and bring him into his arms, clutching him tightly.

“Tell them to stop! Please dad PLEASE,” sobs racked through the poor boy’s body. Phil, who was also crying, held him tighter. At that moment, he promised himself that he’d help his son, even if it kills him.

At the time, both of them didn’t know that Wilbur was stood at the door. A crying Tommy in his arms, while the same tears violently spilled from his eyes.

Wilbur hasn’t forgiven himself. He thinks about how he betrayed his brother that night. Little does he know he will do it more often than not in the future.

——————————————————————————

Ooo we writing more or whateva :)

[babydollmarauders]

Hi! I was wondering if you would be interested in taking a request for prompt 15 with Reggie from Julie And The Phantoms? Maybe she can see and hear them all the time and her and Reggie catch feelings for each other and she tells him not to fall in love with her? Of course, he does and he confesses to her and it’s all a angsty because she thinks it won’t work because she’s a lifer and he’s a ghost but then it ends up being fluffy with him focusing really hard to touch her and they smoooooch or whateva? Sorry if this was a lot to ask for.

Fallin’ (Reggie x Reader)

Requested: Yes

Summary: Reggie and his best friend fall in love, but she doesn’t believe they can be together.

Pairing: Reggie x Reader

Prompts: 15. “I told you not to fall in love with me.”

Warnings: Mild language at the end.

A/N: I love writing for Reggie, and my sister sure likes it when I do too, because she gets to read them when I’m done and she always complains there’s not enough Reggie fics (he’s her fave)

-------------------------------------

Your earbuds were starting to make your ears ache, but you kept them in for the sole purpose of making sure no one talked to you. You were sitting at the top of the bleachers in the gymnasium for the school assembly, the sound of your favorite band, Why Don’t We, was flowing into your ears as you blocked out the sound of Dirty Candy. You closed your eyes for a second, leaning your head back on the wall behind you, slowly letting your consciousness slip away from you. That is until you felt a nudge on your knee, opening your eyes back up, you realized the assembly was over and everyone was leaving the bleachers. You stood, collecting your backpack before jumping row to row, making your way down the seats. When you finally reached the bottom, you heard a piano playing. You removed your earbuds and looked up to the stage to see Julie Molina, a fellow music program student. You watched as she sang, her voice captivating you, making you push you push through the crowd of students and make it to the front of the stage just in time to see three boys and their instruments appear on the stage. As the schools resident freak, a.k.a. the daughter of a medium, you could already tell that the boys were other worldly. Yet, you couldn’t help staring at the bassist, who obviously caught you as he sent a wink your way. You could feel your cheeks get red, but did you didn’t have much time to dwell on it, as he soon disappeared along with the two others. You shrugged your shoulders and started pushing your way out of the crowd as they all stood entranced by the appearance and disappearance of the band.

“That’s wild. They could see us when we’re playing, but not when the music ended.” You glanced over to see the three boys again, only this time at the side, in front of the stage.

“We should double check.” The bassist ran onto the stairs to the stage, waving his butt around a couple times. “Yeah, I don’t… I don’t think they can see us.”

“I wish I couldn’t see you.” The drummer stated exasperatedly.

“Yeah, me too.” You shook your head to try and get the image out of your mind as the boys heads whipped around too.

“You can see us?!” They questioned, eyes wide.

“Yeah. My mom’s a medium, so she can see and talk to ghosts, I inherited the trait from her.” You explained. “It kinda makes me the school freak because nobody believes me.”

You looked around to see that the gym was empty besides you, the boys, Julie, and her friend Flynn, who looked upset. You watched as she ran out, Julie following after her. You followed after the boys, making your way out of the gym as well, not feeling like going to calculus.

“This is so cool! Having another person be able to see and talk to us. I’m Luke, by the way. And that’s Alex.” The guitarist pointed to the drummer that you related to in the gymnasium. “And that’s Reggie.”

Reggie smiled and waved at you before the boys began to make their own little pyramid, clearly waiting for Julie. You leaned against a column near them, watching as they scared Julie.

“JULIE!” They exclaimed, making her jump a little in fear and scream.

“You! Stop doing that! I’m serious.” She glared at the ghost boys, making Reggie puts his hands up in mock surrender.

“Whoa! This one’s all on you. We were already here. Well actually, we were over there.” He pointed behind them. “And then we came over here.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his stupidity, making Julie’s head snap over to you, finally noticing your presence. Thinking you were laughing at her, she stuttered for an excuse, but shut her mouth as you began to speak.

“Relax.” You told her. “I can see them too. Daughter of a medium, remember?”

“Oh! Right!”

---------------------------------

Its now been around a week, and you and Julie had become fast friends, but you had mostly hung around the boys, them enjoying the company of someone besides Julie that can see and talk to them. You had become closest to Reggie, you and him bonding over your love of things such as Star Wars and your guilty pleasure of country music. He even played you his song ‘Home is Where My Horse is’. You were currently sitting in the studio with Reggie, Alex was currently with his ghost friend Willie, and Luke currently talking to Julie at school, which you were currently skipping. Reggie was complaining to you about Jar Jar Binks.

“Reg, you know I love hanging out with you, but please, I’m begging you, to let it go.” You rolled your eyes at his whining, but still laughing his offended face.

“Awww, I love hanging out with you too.”

“Just don’t fall in love with me.” You winked jokingly, and Reggie laughed but honestly, you weren’t joking. You’re mom had told you before about a time that one of the ghosts she was friends with in her teen years had fallen in love with her and got pissed and refused to stay friends after she told him she couldn’t be with him because he was dead.

-----------------------------------

It had been about a month now since you had met the boys and you were currently watching them perform ‘Edge of Great’ at Julie’s garage party. Watching as Julie attempted to ignore Luke to try and shake the crush she had confessed about to you. But, she wasn’t the only lifer in love with a ghost, because you and Reggie had only gotten closer, and honestly you think you may have broken your own rule and fallen in love with him. Your eyes wandered his body, his signature leather jacket conforming to his arms. He caught your eyes on him and sent you a wink, making you roll your eyes and smile, but on the inside, you felt like you had just melted.

Once the performance was over and the boys disappeared, you made your way into the garage, passing Julie as she made conversation with some of the guests.

“On your way to find Reggie?” She assumed as she sent you a suggestive wink and a laugh, to which you just shoved her shoulder.

“Shut up.” You laughed, embarrassed that she knew you so well. You climbed up the ladder in the garage into the above space, as that’s where Reggie had told you he would be after the performance. You spotted the ghost boy sitting on a bean bag, playing around with his bass.

“Hey loser.” You smiled at him, his head snapping up to look at you, his eyes peering into yours.

“Hey freak.” He chuckled out, setting his bass down on the ground next to him, eyeing you as you sat in the bean bag next to him. You watched as his smile dropped and his tone suddenly became serious, which was very unlike your best friend. “(Y/N), I need to tell you something.”

“Of course. You can tell me anything. You know that.” Your eyebrows furrowed together, your smile dropping as well. He seemed like he was struggling to get the words out, and you began to speak at the same time that he finally spit them out. “Are you okay?”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Wait what?!” Your eyes grew wide, your breath hitching in your throat. “Reggie, I told you not to fall in love with me.”

“I know! And I tried not to, but I mean, look at you! You’re beautiful, and you smell good, and we like the same things, and I mean, can you blame me?!” His voice seemed to drown out as he rambled on and on.

“Reggie, you realize that we can’t be together, right? I mean, you’re kind of dead.” Your eyes grew glossy with tears, your voice breaking at the end of your sentence.

“If you don’t love me, just tell me. Please, don’t make excuses.” Your eyes locked with his. You could deal with your feelings when you thought he didn’t return them, but now knowing that he felt the same way made your heart ache.

“Reggie, you don’t understand. I do love you.” You explained. “I’m so in love with you, you can even ask Julie, I confessed this exact thing to her yesterday. But we’re from different worlds, literally. I mean, I’m alive, and you’re dead. It would never work.”

“I can make it work. I can try, for you. We can do this.” He grasped your hand in his and you gasped at the feeling.

“How did you do that?!” Your voice shook, knowing you couldn’t keep your guard up for much longer.

“I focused. Really hard.” He moved his hand to now hold your face. “See? We can make this work. All you have to do is say the word.”

“Okay. We can try. But please, if this doesn’t work, don’t leave me alone. I don’t think I could handle that.” Your voice was as soft as you could possibly make it, knowing that if you tried to speak any louder, it would break again.

“I promise”

His eyes shut slowly and you took that as a sign to close yours as well, his face coming so close to yours that you could feel his minty breath fanning across your lips. Your lips finally collide, locking together and moving in sync. His tongue brushes across your bottom lip, and you part your lips slightly, letting his tongue push past them and gently caress against yours. You explored each others mouths, before pulling away from each other for some much needed air.

“I feel dirty. Like I just watched some weird heterosexual porno.” You heard behind you, and you whipped around to find Alex peeking at you both from the ladder. Watching as he shuddered and jumped down from the ladder. “Gross.”

-------------------------------------

Taglist: @starkeysgirl @meangirlsx @whyisquill @bestdressedandstressed @aunicornmademedoit @solophantoms @noncannonships @chennyetomlinson @dpaccione

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ❜

with Johnny ‘Coco’ Cruz.

Request: Hi! I dunno if your request are still open but... Something like.... After all happens with Letty, Coco try to take contact with one of his older daughter. But reader ( his daughter) is already in contact with Mayans cause she is in relationship with Medina ( Stockton Mayans ) or another Mayans 😁🙈. Very very angst ? 😭I'm in mood for cry!

BY ANON

Warnings: none, a little angst.

Word count: about 1.4k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

Masterlist.

“Have you ever told them about us?”

Your husband sits on top of his bike, taking one quick look of the back alley of the cafeteria you work in. Having a drag from your cig, you shake your head raising your eyes towards his.

“It's been six years since… I saw Coco for the last time, and after leaving Santo Padre, I just talked with Leti three or four times”

Leaving the smoke escaping from your lips, you put away your gaze.

“I didn't even know he was a Mayan when I met you, Will. I was running away from Celia and all that shit that was consuming me”.

“Yeah, I know”.

Of course he knows. He knows everything about you. He knows that your father abandoned you, that your grandmother forced you to do the streets, that she kept all your money and that she kicked out your ass from your house after leaving you badly hurt. He knows what you had to do to reach Stockton, he knows you were living under a bridge and he knows all the pain you were carrying until he found you.

“My… family suck your life until you have nothing, Will”. Your bottom lip is trembling, and your eyes are being filled with tears, throwing away the cigarette. “They destroy anything good in you. They suffocate you until you can breathe. They… They… tie you like a fucking dog, to make you understand that you don't have any free will over your life. That pain and suffer is all that you can feel”.

Medina raises a hand to softly grab your wrist, pushing you into him as he stands up on his feet. You can't help but break in a loud cry, hiding your face onto his chest. He's the only reason you are still alive, in many ways. You can't lose him. You love him. You need him. You can't imagine a day without waking up hugging you, or hearing his laugh, or catching him looking at you as if you were the most beautiful piece of art. Every night, before falling asleep with his arms surrounding you, you remember the day you got married three years ago. When he saw you walking towards him, wearing a dreamy white dress, floating like an angel to the shrine. And he just laughed between tears, telling his brothers ‘man, she's really gonna marry me’.

“Yo siempre voy a estar a tu lado, mi chiquita”. (I'll always be by your side, my little girl).

His hands get tangled in your hair, caressing it with all the love he feels for you, and more.

“You just… talk with them, okay? I can be with you or wait at home, or whatever. I will do whatever you ask me for. And, if you don't wanna do it I'll send them al carajo”. (To hell).

Cupping your cheek into his hands, Medina leans forward to gently kiss your lips, while you just nod.

“Pero no me llores, mi chiquita. Me rompes el corazón”. (But don't cry, little girl. You're breaking my heart).

“Sorry, flaquito”. You say, feeling his thumbs cleaning your tears.

“Sirri, fliquiti”. He teases you, pressing your body against him, making you chuckle. “I love you, mi trocito de cielo”. (My piece of heaven).

Actually, you don't want to do it. You don't want to see your father, in the case that you can call him like that. But you know that you have to close that door before continuing your life, or it will continue fucking you up until you can't handle it anymore. You knew by Oscar that Coco got surprised when he told him that you were part of his charter, although he didn't tell him that you were married to a Mayan. Your family arrived some hours ago, while you were working like every day, being picked up by Dondo to bring you to their clubhouse. You have taken care of them as they took care of you, being almost like a mother for all of them, so they will stay close to you in case that you need them.

Reaching the place close to the mountains, you can recognize the black car of the mexican, where he's resting with Leti under one of his arms. Your sister looks excited when she watches you coming, making your legs falter as soon as you step out from the bike. Your whole charter is there, including your husband with a serious gesture on his face. The younger Cruz runs to you, colliding her chest with yours as soon as she can hug you. You can't lie. You missed her. You feel happy to see her looking good, looking safe. Fact that makes you feel a little confused too. Coco throws his cig to the ground, walking slow towards you. He's nervous, while your confidence grows inside your heart, under the attentive look of your real family.

“Mam—”.

“I'm not your ‘mami’”. You interrupt him, in a clear defensive posture.

“(Y/N), listen to him, okay? Please”.

“I'm sorre 'bout all the bad things I did to you”. He says loud and clear, not trying to show anyone anything, but making you understand that he's really regretful.

“Guess what, Johnny? I don' give a shit. Tell me why you came”.

“I came fo' you”.

“After how many years fucking me up, ah?” You can't help but push his chest, before losing your control, slapping him as many times as you can and getting furious when he doesn't defend himself. “You destroy my life once! And you're n—Fucking leave me, Will!”

When you can realize, your husband has caught you on air, putting you away from him some meters to try to calm you down.

“Baby, that's not the way… that's not”. He mutters into your ear, while the guys start to disperse themselves to leave you alone. “Look at me… Eh, look at me, mi chiquita… No one's gonna hurt you again, but let him explain what he's doing here, okay?”

“He killed Celia because of me”.

Raising your reddened eyes over the shoulder of your husband, you look at your little sister taking a step closer.

“Coco told me he was my father. He tried to help me, but Celia… Celia hit me badly. He killed her, for all the bad things that she made to us”. Unbelievable. You can't accept that that bitch is really dead. “We… We are living together and… I'm goin' to school! I have a lot of friends and… sometimes I help Mayans in the scrapping”.

“You are… out of the streets?” You ask confused, barely breathing, leaving Medina to walk towards her. She just nods.

“I get that… You have a life here. You have a family that loves you like I never did, but… I want to… have this too with you. You don't have to come back to Santo Padre, and I don't care to drive fo' almost nine hours to see you. But, lemme' do it”.

Turning to your husband, you bite your bottom lip concerned, not knowing what to say. Scared of the possibility of the history repeating itself again. Pulling behind your ears your hair, you cross both arms over your chest with your gaze away from your father and your sister.

“I need to th—”.

“Are you married?” Leti walks at you to hold your hand.

You just nod drawing a fleeting smile.

“To who?”

“Me”. Will answers then. “Three years ago”.

“Shit! That's amazing”. Your sister yells pretty excited.

“Will found me, and Mayans welcomed me. That's why we're related”. You explain under the curious dark eyes of Coco.

“Why you didn' tell me?” He asks, coming closer.

“'Cause I was trying to run away from every Cruz in this fucking country. I figured out that you were a Mayan too, four years ago, when I saw you in a picture”. Making a brief pause, you place an arm over your sister's shoulders. “I can't promise you to let you be part of my life, but you can try it if you want”.

“I'll do whateva', (Y/N). I'll do whateva' to fix all the shit you have been through”.

“Fine, Coco”. Bowing down your gaze to Leti, you kiss her temple. “Are you hungry? I was about to cook for the guys, and I would like you to stay”.

“Yes”.

“Te extrañé mucho, Leticia”. (I missed you a lot).

“Yo también...” (I did it too). She says hugging you tightly.

✨ Tag list:

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[leossmoonn]

hii congrats on 1.4k!! can i request 🔮 for male marauders and golden trio era? my pronouns are she/her, i’m gryffindor, i laugh in situations i shouldn’t be laughing at, i’m very friendly and i act the same around a person i know for 5 minutes and a person i know for years, i’m loud when talking, i’m too kind for my own sake, i get annoyed easily but everyone says i’m funny then, i get nervous easily especially around a person i like and i get especially loud then, i love nature and swimming and i love dancing but i’m really bad at it,, thank you!!

thank you so much! yes yes of course!

male marauders ship - james potter

when james first heard your laugh, he immediately fell in love. he was in detention and had heard your laugh from outside the classroom. you were walking through the halls w marlene and dorcas as you all had a free period. james turned his head and fell even more as he saw your face. he then realised it was you, gryffindor prefect and top of all your classes. sirius had always thought you were a know-it-all, but james thought you were funny and pretty and he was determined to get to know you better.

so after detention, he went to his house to find you. luckily, you were studying w remus and lily. he walked up to you all suave and gave you a little smirk, to which you reacted by just staring at him while sweating profusely. little did he know, you also liked him. but ofc he didnt know that, not yet, so his smile faltered and he gave you a warm, polite smile instead and said “hi, y/n. i’m james potter. we have potions and DADA together.” he held his hand out for you to shake and you stared at it for a good few seconds before laughing. youre like “y-you, you know my name? ohmygod, haha- WOW. s-sorry, i-i’m not usually this um, giggly. HAHA” and james just grins and says “no worries love. do you mind accompanying to hogsmeade this weekend” and youre like “… alright…” and james is sooo happy hehe. “it’s a date!” he exclaimed before running up to his dorm to find sirius to tell him the good news. the wait for the weekend was painful for both of you, but def worth it.

you met him at the gates, looking beautiful as usual. james complimented you like 100 timed in the first 5 minutes, you were grinning like a child who just got their christmas wish. you two strolled around the town, james ending up buying everything for you 💀. you open up to him pretty quickly and you two bounce from topic to topic seamlessly. at the end of the night, you two were at hog’s head and (ik this sounds like a muggle thing but shhh) they had karaoke night and lily and remus sung a duet, to which james pulled you up from your seat in surprise. at first you're confused and are like "wth???" and james is like "dance with me, darling!" and you're like "HAHA NO" and james frowns and asks why and you pull him close and say "i'm horrible at dancing, james. althought i will admit, i love it," you chuckle. and james is like "perfect! here, i'll teach you, m'kay?" and you're not so sure but yk james won't let up so you follow him to the dance floor.

he puts your arms around his neck and he puts his hands on the middle of your back, not too high, not too low, and you two start dancing. james at first is impressed and is like "you're not half bad, l/n." but he's spoken too soon bc you then begin to step on his feet as you two sway faster. and he's like "OW OW OW!" and you pull away from him and is like "ah im so sorry. i didn't mean to :((" and he just shrugs, "it's alright. no worries. here, lemme teach you". and he takes you in his arms again. "just follow my lead, okay. relax and just feel the music. if you panic, just stop, look at my feet, and regroup, m'kay?" and you nod tentatively and he smiles and you two start swaying. for the first 3 minutes, your eyes are at his feet, watching his and making sure you don't trip again and hurt his toes. and a few minutes later, you are dancing like a pro! (you step on his feet still... but only a few times so its not that bad hehe).

male golden trio ship - fred weasley

fred made smth blow up in hagrid's face (bless his soul) and the whole class went silent except for you. fred and george were laughing, but they were keeping it quiet while you were literally honking. your whole face gets hot with embarrassment as you realise you're the only one laughing and everyone is staring at you. you look down in shame at your desk as you feel everyone's judging eyes on you. well, not everyone is judging hehe. hargrid ends up taking 15 points from your house, 10 for the prank, 5 for you laughing (oops...). hagrid continues class and everyone goes back to paying attention to him except for fred. he's staring at you the whollleeee time.

you're two grades below him (u two are 5th and 7th year but ill age u up to 16 instead of 15 since he’s 17:)) so honestly he's never really noticed you outside of the common room before. you are friends w ron tho so ofc he knows of you and has seen you around the school, but he's never really paid attention to you before until now. and he glad he finally did because you are gorgeousss. after class, he ends up approaching you and ofc you're starstruck bc your best friend's cool, funny, hot older brother is talking to you.

he's like "i noticed you were laughing at my prank. you think that was funny?" and his tone kinda makes you scared bc he's really serious, but you end up nodding really slowly. his serious face breaks into a happy one as he says "great! at least someone was amused. say, you're friends with my baby brother, right?" he asks. and you're like "um... yeah..." and he says "great! well, why don't you take a break from hanging out w my loser brother and hang out w me tonight? george and i are planning a few more pranks." your jaw drops to the mf floor and youre like “uh. um yeah… s-sure” and fred’s like “😁😁😁 GREAT. see u then, l/n!” and your heart goes 🦋🦋🦋 and youre like “alright.. see you then”

so like you tell your friends, harry ron and hermione, abt your plans and harry is like “cool cool. tell us how it goes!” and hermione and you are giggling abt you hanging out w a boy two years up from you. and ron’s like “yeah whateva. have fun ig🙄” and hes just jealous bc his cool olders brothers are stealing his best friend but you reassure him you’re still his bff and youll hang out w him after/the next day. A

NYWAYS so it comes time and you step into the common room, confused as there was no one there. so you go and sit on the couch to wait but as you sit down, fred’s face immediately emerges from nowhere and you literally trip over and fall into him (which youre freaked out bc you cant see his body) but the invisibility cloak drops and he puts his arms around you quickly and holds you up just as your abt to fall. and your faces are literally like millimeters apart. and you think youre abt to kiss but fred pulls away and helps stabilize you before grabbing his cloak. youre like all shy again and he just smiles and says hello and sits down in the couch. you follow him in suit and he explains what the invisibility cloak is. then he gets out all his toys and prank stuff and you’re honestly really interested and you even give him ideas for new pranks and yk he likes you like 1000 times more hehe.

you two end up talking for a few hours and you emerge out of your shell and fred is very happy bc he now sees like the real you. a few hours later and your curled up on the couch, head on his shoulder and youre about to fall asleep (super romantic). fred then mentions george and youre like “oh wait. how come he isnt here?” and fred’s like “hes w angelina. his gf” and youre like “oooh” and then you boldly ask “do you have a gf” and you lift your head up from his shoulder and your face is so close to his, not as close as before, but you can feel his breath on your lips. and he looks you in the eyes and is like “no” and youre like “do you like anyone?” and as he speaks he looks down at your lips, “yeah. i think i do” and you think you know its you bc well like, how can you not in this moment. and youre like “who?” and hes like “you” AND THEN (im sorry this shit is so long but im living the dream) he leans in and your lips touch and you kiss and its all 😍🦋😏😁😋😩🥰🤩😽👻. lol anyways you pull away and are like 😳 and fred is like 😏 “ill see u tmrw right?” and youre like “y-yeah…” and you watch as he stood up and collects his stuff and leaves you. once you know hes gone, you stand up and start squealing and jumping around hehe and you run upstairs to tell hermione.

next morning, fred finds you at lunch and asks you point blank if you wanna be his gf and youre like “yes duh.” and you two then become official! so even tho fred is a prankster and is always carefree and stuff, he does have a compassionate side that comes out when he feels need be. hes so supportive too and he treats you like a mf queen. he’ll literally buy you anything and will do anything for you. he also plays jokes on u which you get him back and hes very impressed w your creativity and boldness.

so during breaks and summers, you visit the burrow and you two often hang out outside near the willow tree in their yard. you two also go swimming in the lake (let’s pretend its a big lake not a pond lol). its super nice and relaxing especially on like 90 degree days where you two are melting. you two always are splashing each other and laughing loudly. sometimes you two just cuddle and drink pumpkin juice and talk about what fred is gonna do now that he’s outta school. tbh youre afraid that once you go back to school and youre apart, youll grow apart, but fred always assure you two that you wont bc you two are soulmates <3

hope you enjoyed this!

join my celebration!

[despairforme]

[[ Who is your main inspiration or favourite actor? (for actor au)]]

     This was a question he often received during interviews, or when he did those Q&A sessions on instagram. Especially the question about who was his favorite actor. Nnoitra supposed he was a bit different from other actors, seeing as his wish to become an actor hadn’t really come from inspiration. It had come from a deep desire to escape reality. Nnoitra had always enjoyed fantasy movies and series. Stuff that were just not real. He had truly wanted to escape into such a world, and the ONLY way to do that? Was to act it out. For a long time, he had wanted to become a stuntman instead, mostly because he thought that was manly as fuck, and also since he thought he didn’t have what it took to become an actor. BUT, as it turned out - he wasn’t too bad of an actor. Though, he supposed most of his success simply came from his eccentric appearance. 

     ❝ Mah, I ain’t really got no favorite actor. ❞ Then again WHO the fuck didn’t like Sylvester Stallone. THAT was what a man should look like. Nnoitra almost snorted. ❝ Actin’ ‘fer me ain’t ‘bout ‘da skills or whateva’. ❞ There was a small shrug, and he paused, while trying to come up with a good way to explain things. Even if he HAD talked about this before, he never thought he got his point across properly. Probably had something to do with the fact that he was very bad with words. ❝ ‘S just fun pretendin’ ‘ta be someone else, ya know? Like, bein’ in a different world. I always wished supernatural shit was REAL, ‘n I guess this is ‘da closest I get ‘ta that. ❞ Should he mention anything about the fact that his life had used to be SO fucking difficult to deal with? Nah. It was more of a personal story, and he preferred not to share it. Nnoitra had struggled with major depressions throughout his life, and pretending to be someone else through acting turned out to be a good way for him to keep going. He often got recommended therapy, but FUCK THAT! 

     Yeah, Nnoitra’s main reason for being in this line of work was because he enjoyed pretending to be someone else. BUT, as it turned out, he quite liked the fame as well. The fact that people enjoyed his character and thought he did a good job? That shit felt good. The money was nice too, since he could eat whatever he wanted. There were some downsides too, of course. Like the fact that everytime he said something that was the ‘ wrong ‘ thing to say, he got into a TON of trouble. It could also be troublesome to not be able to walk on the street without getting recognized ( though a lot of the times he did enjoy this too ). At the moment the worst part of his job was the whole deal of the script for the new season. It was fucking difficult to deal with. Overall though? He wouldn’t want a different job. 

[cycat4077]

Teacher, Teacher, Can You Teach Me?

Summary: You help Sonny study for the bar. That's it. That's the fic. (Takes place between 17x15 “Collateral Damages” and 17x16 “Star-Struck Victims”) Pairing: Sonny x Reader (who is a teacher) Warnings: nope Words: 1046 AO3 here

Part 5 of the Changes verse (though it’s pretty stand alone if a series isn’t your thing).

(Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4)

"I don't wanna!" pouts Sonny as he lays sprawled out across his couch. His long legs drape over the edge and a hand lies over-top his full belly. The two of you just finished wolfing down a "luxurious" take-out lunch for two.

"But you gotta!" you scold from the opposite end of the sofa. "The exam starts tomorrow morning bright and early and this is your last chance to study beforehand."

His response is a mere grumbly whine paired with a face contorted in protest.

"Come on," you coax tapping Sonny's leg, encouraging him to get up.

"No," he closes his eyes and turns his head away like a toddler.

"Dominick Carisi. You need to study! You haven't trudged through night school while working doubles to not give it one last push now." You fold your arms together and stare him down.

Sonny shakes his head defiantly.

"Okay, then. I'll leave." You shift as if you're about to get up.

"Yourra meany!" he groans.

"Bye," you state, continuing to fake standing up. You hope it calls his bluff.

Sonny shoots forward. "Noo! Don't leave me! I'll study! I'll study!"

You smile victoriously. "C'mon then, my future-lawyer boyfriend. I'll help you." Waving him over coaxes Sonny to follow as you cross the apartment towards his kitchen.

Like any student without a designated desk space, the dining room table is littered with law books and papers. Sonny rolls up the sleeves of his grey henley and you both sit down to delve in. "Can ya quiz me on somma this stuff?" he asks, handing you his handwritten notes and the list of bar exam topics.

Accepting the papers, you begin with the first term highlighted. Sonny stumbles out an answer, ending it with an inflection. Clearly, he's unsure of himself.

You read out the correct response which causes Sonny to dip his head in defeat. "Hey, now," you comfort. "Don't get discouraged." Then an idea strikes you. "How about this?" You hand him back his work, resulting in a quizzical look from your boyfriend. "Here. Use your notes if you want, but go through everything you've learned using me as your student. Teach me!" you smile warmly and fold your hands on the table in front of you.

Sonny cocks his head, purses his lips and narrows his eyes in contemplation. "Alright," he says eagerly, accepting your challenge.

You listen intently and even ask questions to get Sonny to clarify what he's explaining to you. The study session goes on for hours and the two of you tick off the exam topics one by one. While your head does spin from all the legal jargon, you suck it up to keep Sonny’s momentum going. He's expressive and engaged, proudly walking you through the material and bringing together all the knowledge he's acquired from his classes.

It's late evening by the time Sonny's “lecture” is over. "Well, I'm pooped," he says reaching for a glass of water to soothe his dry throat. "You must be exhausted too, doll."

"It's all good," you tap his arm. "I hope it was useful for you."

"We'll see tomorrow," he winks. "That'll be the real moment of truth…" But Sonny isn't brimming with the confidence you're used to seeing from him.

"Sonny," you utter, "you just have to do your best. That's all anyone can expect from you and that's all you can expect from yourself." You rest a hand on his arm and rub soothingly over his exposed skin. He peers at you with nervous eyes. "And if you don't pass this time around, you take it again." Sonny nods in understanding. "This is your dream and I know you won't quit until you succeed." You then lean in and press your lips to his, hoping to convey just how much faith you have in him. He pulls you into a hug and squeezes. He knows.

That night the two of you snuggle closely under Sonny's covers. A combined total of six alarms wait to guarantee Sonny’s timely arrival.

-x-

"You gotta call me once today's sessions are over," you tell him the next morning before you both leave.

"It could end up bein’ late, though," he counters, wringing his hands nervously.

"Doesn't matter," you assure him. You lean in to give him a kiss goodbye before wishing him good luck.

That night you get a call and on the other end a tired-sounding Sonny tells you that he thinks he did okay. The day after that you get a similar call. "It's over! I'm done!" he cheers. "I'm so relieved! I think it went well, but that's upta the state now."

"I think you did just great!" you remark happily. That exuberant spirit has returned to Sonny’s voice and you couldn’t be more thrilled.

"Say, all that brain powa has made me hungry. You up for some dinner?"

"When have you known me to say no to food?" you tease.

Sonny laughs. "Good point! Y'know, I kinda skipped out on Valentine's day 'cause a work, and takeout the other day was hardly a substitute."

Though a fancy Valentine's day was by no means essential to you, a dinner out with Sonny is never something you would refuse. The two of you meet at a restaurant and the moment you see Sonny, you leap into his arms to shower him in praises. He catches you with a surprised look before nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck, holding you close. Does it make a bit of a scene? Maybe, but you couldn't care less.

"I had the best teacher," he says setting you down and giving you an affectionate nudge.

"Woah, wait a minute! Don't forget that you were the one that taught me!" you counter, cleverly.

Sonny chuckles. "Whateva, you're still the one to suggest studyin' that way and then sit there ‘n listen to me yap on. I appreciate it."

"Anytime, Sonny," you say, heart swelling proudly. "Anytime."

Two months later you would have more celebrating to do. Sonny's hard work and dedication, something you admire so deeply about him, would finally pay off. You would get to share in his excitement when he comes home to tell you that he passed the New York State bar exam.

~~~

Fun Facts about the NY State Bar Exam:

The exam is always given on the last Tuesday/Wednesday of each year. For 2016 that would have been Feb 23rd/24th.

However, according to SVU Sonny takes his exam a week before the day he talks to Barba about it. (So, Feb 16th/17th – a TV goof.)

The bar exam is a two-day affair with Day 1 being 3hrs in the morning (2 performance tests) and 3hrs in the afternoon (6 essay questions). Day 2 is divided up into the same time slots, but with 100 mcq in the morning and another 100 in the afternoon.

Morning sessions are 9:30-12:30 and afternoon sessions are 2:00-5:00.

Also according to SVU, Sonny finds out he passed the bar on April 15th 2016. Usually they are posted at the end of April or early May. But once again, Sonny is lucky and gets the results early too!

Feedback is loved (especially since I’m cheating on my own academic work by posting this...oops) and the next thing I want write about is “Sheltered Outcasts” and Sonny’s big UC gig :)

Part 6 here!

[somedayonbroadway]

8 for fanfic writing

8) What is a scene that you wrote that you are most proud of?

Okay, this is a difficult one to answer. I write lots of scenes that don’t even get published and I still love them to death.

If I had to chose one though, it’s one of the scenes in one of my chapter fics called Top Secret. If there’s anything I love writing, it’s suspense.

It’s the scene after Race catches Jack doing something very dangerous and unexpected. Jack pretends he’s never met Race before when Race has the chance to confront him.

Then this scene happens...

The elevator was going to take too long. Stairs! Take the damn stairs, you idiot!

He could already be too late.

He ran up four flights of stairs. He was barely winded by the end of it, only breathing hard because of the panic swirling around in his head.

Rushing up to his own door, Jack fumbled in his pocket for his keys. But when he unlocked the door, he tried to open it only for it to get stuck. Something was blocking it. So he knocked on the door with purpose and tried to shove the thing open. "Racer! Open the door!" he demanded, his fear and worry inadvertently swirling into frustration.

"No! Go away!" came the reply of a little boy who was so obviously shaken.

"Goddamn it, Anthony Michael Higgins Junior! Open the door n' let me explain!"

"Leave me alone!"

Jack growled. "I swear to God, Racer... I need ta talk to ya. J'st open the door!" After all of these years... after all of his fighting and all his struggling... he couldn't lose this boy.

After trying to throw the door open by throwing his body weight against it, Jack shook his head and moved over to the next door on his left. It was opened almost immediately. "Jack, baby, what's wrong?"

"Racer's havin' a breakdown..." Jack forced out, shaking his head in frustration. "I'm sorry, Miss Medda, c'n I use your window?"

Medda nodded immediately, stepping aside and gesturing for Jack to step in. The young man did. Rushing through, he caught sight of Katherine in the kitchen, cleaning off some dishes. "Hey, baby..." he muttered before sliding up next to her and giving her a quick peck on the lips. She smiled at him, not even saying a word. "I'm sorry 'bout rushin' out!" he called as he was walking away again, stopping only to press a kiss to Crutchie's forehead. The boy was dozing on the couch, his leg propped up on a few pillows. "Hey, Crutch..."

"Is Race okay?" he asked drowsily. Jack only smiled a little at that.

"He's gonna be fine, kiddo... I'm just gonna take him for a drive, see if it calms him down..." Jack soothed, beginning to walk over to the window at the back wall, sliding it open.

"Hey, Jackie? Did Race follow you ta work t'day? He said he w's gonna an' he wouldn't talk ta me afta' school..." Jack froze. This was so damn hard.

"No... I didn't see 'im..." And before anyone else could ask him anything else, he was slipping out the window.

Race curled in on himself on the couch. He had a backpack next to him, filled up with clothes and all the money he could scrounge up from his room, after all some psychopath had his wallet. He was debating with himself. He should get Crutchie. Maybe they could leave together. But Crutchie wouldn't believe him. Crutchie would try to stop him. But Jack wouldn't ever hurt Crutchie...

Then again, Race thought Jack would never hurt him.

Lost in thought, the boy hadn't heard footsteps coming towards him from the hallway. Not until he looked over and saw the man that he feared so much walking over to him. Race shot up, backing away as quick as Jack was advancing on him, but when Jack realized it, he slowed to a stop, carefully raising up his hands as a sign of peace. "Hey, hey, hey, kiddo... relax, okay? I know you're scared-"

"Stop!" Race demanded, grabbing the back pack off of the couch, and slinging it over his shoulder. "J'st... stop." He was staring at the man at the end of the hallway. This was the man that had always fought so hard to protect him. But Race had scene him today doing awful things. It was like he didn't even know him at all. "You're gonna try ta get in my head, just like her... so just don't, okay?"

Reluctantly, Jack shut his mouth, clenching his jaw and trying to just beg his baby brother to hear him out without even saying the words. But Race just lost it all over again, tears running down his face and shaky breaths entering his lungs. "William Snyder? Really? That's who you work for?" the boy asked, both disappointment and fear radiating off of him. "He's the most dangerous man in New York, Jack! He's killed people!"

"Racer, you have to calm down-" Jack tried, taking a step forward only for the boy to counter it.

"And Francis Sullivan... your dad's name... Jack... this ain't you!" Race cried backing up even more, reaching for the door.

"No, it ain't, baby brother, but ya gotta let me explain!" Jack begged, beginning to get desperate. He couldn't let Race walk away. Not that easy. There had to be something he could do to make it stop. "Anthony, you don't know what's gonna happen if you don't sit'cha ass down an' let me talk ta ya." He didn't. His brother would be in a world of hurt if he didn't just listen to what Jack had to say.

With a shake of his head, Race just began walking towards the door with purpose, trying not to show how petrified he was of the man he'd once run to for everything. "I don't wanna hear it, Jack, or Sully, or whateva' the hell your name is! I'm gonna go get Charlie n'... n' we'll go find ma..."

Jack hated what he knew he had to do next. He hated it with everything inside of him. "You ain't eva' goin' near that manipulative bitch again!" he stated, his eyes widening at the very thought. He reached into his pocket, a cloth gathering in his hand as he slowly advanced on the boy at the door.

"Ya know what, Jack, she ain't the best motha', but she neva' pretended that she was a good one." Those words hurt. Jack had to take a sharp breath to steady himself when those piercing blue eyes turned back to glare at him as Race was hesitating by the door after moving the chair that had been blocking it. This was his chance.

"Racer... I'm serious, pal... back away from the door or you're gonna regret it." He wished things were different. Truly, he did. But they weren't. This was his life and whether his brothers knew it or not, this was their life too. But Race wasn't listening. He put his hand on the doorknob, ready to leave. "Tony... I don't wanna have ta do this..."

"Just leave me alone, Jack..." Race breathed out, not exactly ready to leave behind the life that he'd been working so hard to be comfortable in. Maybe if he'd succeeded all that time ago, life would be better for them. Maybe if they'd just let him go, they wouldn't have this problem, and Crutchie could live his whole life thinking he had the perfect big brother who would always protect him and care about him. Maybe if Race was gone right now, things would be different.

Finally taking a breath and knowing leaving was his only option, not trusting his big brother in the slightest anymore, Race turned the handle and opened the door, only for it to be slammed back shut by a stronger hand right next to the boy's shoulder. "I can't let ya do this," Jack said, suddenly looking even more dangerous in Race's eyes. Race did the only thing he could think of.

He ran.

He dodged Jack's arms and made a beeline for the nearest fire escape, his big brother right behind him the whole way. "Stop it, Anthony! I don't wanna hurt you!"

"Then don't!" the boy cried, trying to pull open a window in the kitchen, only to feel that Jack was about to make his move. Jack's arms wrapped around him from behind, pinning the boy to his chest and before Race could think how to fight him off, the man was dragging his arms behind him, trying to pin them between their bodies. "Let me go!" Race sobbed out, struggling against his big brother. "Help! Please! Somebody help!"

"Shhh!" Jack hissed, finally able to hold the boy's arms behind him with one of his arms after he shoved the backpack to the ground, before bringing out the cloth and smothering it over the teenager's mouth and nose. Race started screaming harder as Jack dragged him back, away from the windows and into the middle of the apartment again. His brother was still putting up a hell of a fight and Jack couldn't help but try to hold back tears. "Don't fight it, kid... please don't fight it..." he murmured into his boy's ear, leaning his forehead up against the side of his baby brother's head, trying to soothe him even as he was trying to knock him out. "Just breathe it in, Racer... I promise it'll be okay..." He had Race's head back against his shoulder as the boy still tried to fight him off.

It was a long while before Race obeyed, only because he couldn't fight it any longer. The child moaned as his legs gave out on him. He blinked wildly, desperate to keep his eyes open, only for them to roll back into his head as he lost consciousness. Jack sighed in relief and let the weight of the boy pull them both to the ground. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Jack kept muttering, pulling the boy into his lap and removing the cloth from his face, pocketing it and letting himself breath for a moment as he relentlessly apologized to the boy who couldn't hear him.

The boy was now a dead weight on his lap in the middle of the living room. Jack breathed hard, cradling his brother to him and slowly smoothing the hair away from his face as he held tightly to the kid, finally giving into the fear that was only growing inside him. As he pressed a loving kiss to his brother's forehead, his eyes drifted to a picture sitting on the table right next to the couch.

They all looked so happy. Him, his boys who were so much younger, and the man that had his arms around them. His brown hair ended in loose curls that fell just above his eyes; his bright blue eyes stood out above all else. Jack shook his head and let the tears begin falling as he couldn't take his eyes off of the stupid photo. "I'm so sorry..." he muttered, burying his face in his baby brother hair.

For a moment, Jack just rocked his brother back and forth in his arms. He was still here. This could all be okay.

The vibrating of the man's cell phone made him jump a little. He sniffled and swallowed, clearing his throat before he answered the thing. "Kelly," he said as he slid the call open. "Yeah, I got him... I had ta use the chloroform..." he admitted, looking back down at the boy's peaceful face. The kid hadn't looked so sound since... ever. "Look, I don't need a lecture right now..." his voice shook at that as he lay Race down even lower and ran a hand through the kid's hair. "I's gonna bring him in... I'll be there soon." And with that he hung up the phone.

As gently as he could, Jack scooped Race up in his arms and lay him out on the couch, rushing to go change into sweats and a t-shirt before going back into the main room and once again cradling the boy to his chest. "It'll be okay, kiddo... I promise, it'll be okay..."

And boy, did he hope it would be.

It was the first time I had ever really written Jack and Race truly at odds, almost like they’re on different sides and no one knew what Jack was doing. I love that Jack is trying to calm Race down even as he’s drugging him and how Race is thinking that he can talk sense into Jack and make him “wake up” in a sense. I think this might’ve been the first time I’d had Race truly be afraid of Jack.

It was an interesting one to write.

Thank you for asking!

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (3)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 {reading now}

-

Well, needless to say you got the role.

The final run through with Drake was successful, he started spewing off about how talented you were. You did your usual which was smile and nod, and Angus told you to "Stop being so shy mamas. You gotta get used to this."

Time flew as you turned in forms, focused on moving closer to set, and grew your social media audience. It was all exciting but also overwhelming, however you already loved it.

You and Angus seemed to be getting more comfortable with each other, the tension was wearing off and a simple friendship was forming. The luxury apartment you were moving into for when filming ceased was conveniently just a few doors down from his apartment, you two were going to be in the same complex. You talked quite often and filming hadn't even started yet, and you almost felt silly for feeling intimidated, if that was even the word, by him before. He'd offered to come over to help you move in- and even though the tension had faded, your {sometimes} inappropriate thoughts of him hadn't.

But today was the day everything kicked into gear, because today was the first day of filming.

You and Angus decided to meet up at a small, locally owned coffee shop before heading to set. You could both go together, and since he offered to drive, you could save some gas.

You got there early, you two were to meet at 7:30 am, you were there at 7:25 due to leaving time to dodge the traffic. Angus came through the door yawning at 8:17- due to oversleeping.

"Do you always do this?" you laughed sliding a donut over to him as he sat down across from you in the booth.

"Do what?" he asked, eating half of the donut in one big bite.

"Are you always late- like on set? Because most of my scenes are with you and I-"

"You think ahead a lot, I just like sleeping, you should like it too you feel what I mean? Sleep is just that bitch...if there was a girl like sleep then I would have a girl."

Half of the time the things Angus came up with made zero sense to you, but you always just agreed and moved along. For example, yesterday night he called you at 12:32 am just to let you know that the Frosted Flakes box had 'of corn' in small writing under the bold logo. You said you'd never noticed that- which was the truth, and then that led to him telling you the complete history of Mandela effects. You didn't get back to bed until 1:54.

"And to be fair Y/N, you kept me up last night with that Mandela effect shit." he said with a smirk as he finished off the donut.

Your mouth fell open as you rolled your eyes "Boy as if! You wish I-"

"So you quoting 90s movies now? That's new, don't really know how I feel ab-"

"Lets go," you shook your head standing up and tossing your coffee cup into the garbage.

You two walked out and into the warm LA air. "You read the scripts at all?" He asked you as you headed to his car.

"I did! We have a lot of scenes...some are quite different."

"What you mean? Not boutta lie I didn't read anything past the first episode cuz them other shits too far away."

"Well, sex is always a given in Euphoria."

"Yeah them nude scenes finna make me feel a bit violated if you know what I mean."

"You'll be fine, all you show is your ass but I have to-"

"Oh shit I gotta show my cheeks? For real? On television- aw nah I gotta talk to somebody about tha-"

"I have to show everything except my baby maker so...who really has it worse?"

"Yo' baby maker? Is that them gorgeous eyes cuz it sure does make me want to make a baby wit' you."

Was that a joke-

He did this alot. You never knew if he was actually flirting or if it was just him joking around, but you always assumed it was the latter.

"Was that a...was that a joke from you Angus? How rare!"

He flipped you off with a goofy grin at the next red light and you laughed. "No all jokes aside though Gus, I gotta show my whole body, titties and all. Like my parents are going to watch this how do I? Explain?"

“Well we can fuck wit’ all that when we get to it.”

“Oh baby...” You said sarcastically. “You didn't actually read the first episodes script did you?”

“What you mean?”

You pulled the script from out of your tote, clearing your throat before you started to read. “Jess looks at Fez with a gleam of interest in her eyes. ‘Its been awhile tiger’ she says in a certain way, a way that makes Fez adjust his- yeah I’m not reading that- ‘It has’ Fez says biting his lip. He wants her, but he doesn't know if she wants him too...he thinks she doe-”

“We gotta have sex the first episode? Nah you lying.”

“Episode 1, 3, 5, 7 and 8.”

“Holy shit what?! Aint nobody have that much sex last season...”

“Yeah but its because of our storyline. Jess and Fez constantly want each other and they think the only way to let it out is through sex- they are both terrible with commitment and Jess is afraid of Fez’s dealing; even if she wants to be with him that's keeping her away.”

“Damn, my manz Fez gettin’ the short end of the stick.”

“Jess is the only one getting a short stick Angus.”

It took him a minute to understand what you said, but as soon as he comprehended it his eyes widened. “Girl no you didnt- you know I’m packing- how you gon’ do me like that?!” he said defensively as he parked. You couldn't help but to laugh as you hurried out of the car. “Imma get you back for that!” He yelled after you. You shook your head and walked to the main trailer where everyone was to gp.

Walking in you saw only Z and Storm, Queen Bey played softly in the background showing the girls in front of you were in their element. “Hey girl!” Z said giving you a quick side hug. “Dont worry about being late, its all good. You came with Angus didn't you?”

You nodded whilst rolling your eyes and took the key she was holding out, walking back out and to your trailer.

The trailer was cozy, comfortable and not too small. It had quite a modern look to it, and the look on the outside didn't match the inside at all. You smiled as you sat on the sofa, seeing a white envelope on the glass table. On it was scribbled ‘Angus and Y/N’. Before you could get up to go over to his trailer, he walked in- no invitation, no knock, no anything. “Gee!!!! Good thing I wasn’t naked!” You said sarcastically as you glared at him.

“Yeah whateva. We gotta read this letter together I guess.” He said plopping down beside you.

“Yeah yeah okay, I can read it out loud.” You said cracking open the envelope and pulling out the bright white printer paper. “Okay here we go...it's from...Drake?”

“Ah shit.”

“Don’t worry yet, it's probably just- let me just read.”

Angus nodded and got more comfortable on the sofa as you started to read. “Angus and Y/N. On behalf of your upcoming roles I wanted to tell you guys to loosen up. Theres alot of sexy time to film, and I don't want the viewers to feel the sexual tension from Angus and Y/N, I want them to feel it radiating from Jess and Fez. Make kissing casual, make being naked around each other casual too. Don't make that shit weird. And Angus, make sure you can get it up. If it takes...oh-” you stopped for a moment.

“What?” Angus looked at you and you cocked your head to one side still inspecting the letter.

“Okay- here, he said: If it takes walking around each other unclothed then do it, take care of that tension between you two. I could feel it in the final run through, meaning that the viewers would be able to sense it as well. I'm only saying all this cuz its your first time filming together. I need art, not high school production shit. You guys have the passion, and you click. But there's something missing. Make the fuck out and get this show on the road. I'm always a call away if its not working out-- Drake.”

“Well damn. What he tryna say?”

“Angus it's clear what he's saying- I mean come on I feel the tension between us too, and I don't know what it is but hes right, whatever it is we need to get over it, and move on from that. This is business- an art form we have to work through. Ight?”

“Ight. So what I’m hearing is we gotta make out and get naked.”

“We aren't doing anything until ya girl takes a nap.”

“How you sleepy we just got here and you woke up 3 hours ago?”

“Listen man it is not my fault I only got 4 and a half hours of sleep-”

“SO you tryna say it’s mine?!” “It is! With your mandela effecr loving ass.”

He chuckled under his breath. “Okay okay, fair. But lemme sleep wit’ you.” “What? Why?”

“You the one that read the letter, we gotta drop this tension lil mama. And if we legit just sleeping, ion see nun wrong wit’ it, do you?”

You thought it over, and he had a point. There was nothing wrong with it, sleeping is sleeping...and besides, you two would have to do much worse.

“Whatever, come on.”

“Let’s go to my trailer though.”

“What? Why? Ion wanna walk come on Angu-”

“I can carry you then. But my place more homey, you just got here and your bed ain’t even got sheets.”

Damn, why is he always right? “Okay fine but carry me.”

He hunched down in front of the sofa “Get on my back and we can go.”

You grabbed your phone getting onto his back and holding on tight, your arms around his neck and your thighs squishing his sides. “Go go go!” You giggled, feeling safe as you rested your chin on the top of his head.

He ran to the trailer, causing you to laugh and hold on even tighter. Dropping you onto the bed, he looked around the small trailer-bedroom for more covers.

“You know girl,” he said looking into the closet “You kinda cute. How you was laughing out there had my heart beating fast and shit.” He found a throw and turned back around to ask you if it was good, but you were already out, completely sound asleep, and cuddled into a pillow. “Damn so you ain't hear none o’ that huh?” He sighed. “Probably better on my end. Can’t be catching feelings and shit.” He covered you over and lay beside you.

In your sleep your body detected the body heat, so you unknowingly turned over, cuddling into his chest. A smile formed on your lips as you moved closer, practically wrapping yourself around him.

The man sighed placing his lips to your forehead and leaving a light kiss. “Yeah. No catching feelings.”

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins

[swellwriting]

What do we do now? - Part 8

Part 8 - Lavender Honey 

A/N: Remus never gets tired of the dragon egg jokes, everyone else may be but he’s not. A little bit of fluff, some stupid Bertram comments as per usual, some smut, and a cliff hanger ending all in one chapter! ALSO please like/ reblog/ comment if you read and feel free to send in drabble requests for this story (Fluff/ angst /smut whateva u feel like)

Warning: This chapter contains smut! It is clearly marked and easy to skip if its not ur cup of T.

Word Count: 4k   Series Masterlist  

The angry pounding at the door continued as Y/n and Remus came to their senses. Through all the banging and yelling Bertram's door remained closed, either he was sleeping through this whole thing or he was purposefully ignoring it.

Y/n got up and stretched as she made her way to Bertram's bedroom door, unaware that he had locked himself in there since she hadn't read the letter he left them last night.

She tapped loud enough for her knocking to sound separate from the stranger outside. “Bertram, there is someone, someone very angry, at the door.”

“I know!” Bertram whined, he was sat against the door listening and dreading having to face his problems, but at least he wasn't running away like Remus or Y/n probably would in this situation.

“Are you going to answer it? What do they want?”

“No! I won't answer it, can’t you tell he is angry?”

“Well, I don't think he is leaving anytime soon.”

“Just tell him I'm not here!” Bertram yelled in the same whiney voice, like a toddler.

Y/n got up and walked towards the door, she grabbed her wand from the floor beside the makeshift bed and yelled to the other side of the door.

“Bertrams not here!”

The person stopped pounding on the door and yelled back, still just as angry. “Bollocks he’s not there, a course he is! And he is going to answer to me! He is going to open this damn door!”

Y/n stepped away from the door and looked at Remus who was standing away from the window even though the curtains were pulled shut.

Remus walked over to Bertram's door and knocked. “Bertram, he isn’t going away. What did you do to piss him off so much anyway?”

“I don't know! Maybe I sold him the wrong potion, maybe I got the bottles mixed up, I do that sometimes.”

Y/n sighed and placed a hand on her forehead, stressed with this entire situation. She turned to the door again and just repeated herself. “Look, I'm very sorry I wish I could help you but Bertram isn't here, I don't know what else to tell you.”

“That’s it, I'm going to report this to the police! And if they think I'm crazy I’ll find the magic police, someone will make you accountable, there must be regulations for a business of this sort. You can’t sell me a love potion that is actually a fire breathing potion and expect to get away with it!”

Remus peaked out the window and watched as the angry man stormed down to the road and got in his car speeding away and disappearing into the distance.

Y/n placed her head against the door, relieved to at least have made the man go away.

“Good morning.” Remus joked as he fixed the blankets on the bed and flicked his wand transfiguring the bed back into a couch. “Fancy some breakfast?”

“Please.” She groaned and they went to the kitchen to find some sort of food. Y/n sat on the stool against the counter and propped her head up with her hands watching Remus try to sort through the fridge.

“Slim pickings I'm assuming?” She asked and Remus closed the fridge with a nod.

“I could always fry up some Dragon eggs?”

“Very funny. Is there any bread in the cupboard there?” Y/n asked and Remus opened the cupboard beside the fridge.

“Yes, there are seven, seven loaves of the same type of bread. And we have a toaster, all we need is,” Remus paused as he looked through the other cupboards, “Peanut butter?”

“Perfect.”

Remus made them both toast and sorted through the cupboards to find them some coffee and tea.

They sat silently, backs arched as they leaned their elbows on the counter in front of them, kitchen islands are really impractical for posture. Bertram opened his door and peeked out, hoping they wouldn't see him but they both turned their heads in sync, looking at Bertram when his door creaked and gave him away.

He was very clearly trying to sneak out.

“If you were trying to sneak past us you could have gone out the window, or even apparated away?” Y/n questioned as she munched down on her toast, she wasn't angry with him and Bertram was visibly relieved.

“I thought you might be sleeping, I was trying to be quiet.”

“We spoke to you less than five minutes ago.” Remus deadpanned from behind his coffee mug.

Bertram just nodded, accepting that he had been caught and was out of dumb excuses.

“You really fucked up.” Y/n said as she wiped some crumbs off the counter, “mixing up a love potion with one that makes you breathe fire? A big difference with those, a dangerous difference.”

“Honestly I think they are equally as dangerous, given the nature of some love potions and all,” Remus commented, humour dark like his coffee.

“I know.” Bertram pouted in the same whiney voice from earlier, falling onto the couch with a huff.

“Well next time he comes you should really talk to him, offer him a free dragon egg for his troubles or something.” Remus teased.

“We can just Obliviate him? If he comes back.” Y/n said giving Remus a questioning look as if to ask him for his input.

“You want us to obliviate him?” Remus asked.

“I mean it’s what we are supposed to do when we find out a muggle has seen magic of some sort.” She explained.

“You’re right, I guess it keeps our hands clean too. If he does find the ministry somehow and he gets here before them at least we can say we tried.” Remus offered but Bertram stood up walking across the room swiftly.

“He won't be able to contact the ministry he’s a muggle!” He argued.

“Well, he found a way to get his muggle hands on magic potions so if he’s determined I'm sure he will find a way to contact them somehow, we just have to hope he tries to come back here first.” Y/n placed a hand lightly on Bertram's shoulder, trying to comfort him as his wide bloodshot eyes gave away how stressed and tired he was.

Bertram just nodded slowly, squinting his eyes as he was in deep thought. He offered no explanation before grabbing his wand and a fist full of floo powder before disappearing in a flash of green fire.

“Okay, see you later Bertram!” Remus sarcastically said as he stood up and patted his palms against his legs looking around for what to do now. Y/n was just standing there leaning against the counter waiting for Remus to do or say something. It was nice being in one place after weeks of travelling, nowhere to go. The forest was nice in that sense but it was like camping, and you can only enjoy camping for so long. There comes a point where a real hot shower and a big warm bed are deeply missed.

“This cottage is really nice actually, needs a bit of cleaning though.”

“Are you suggested we clean it?” Y/n asked with a smile, cleaning wasn't nearly as much of a dreadful task when magic was involved.

“Sure.”

With no further words exchanged the two started cleaning, falling into a good rhythm, they really were a good team. Y/n opened the curtains and cracked the windows to let in some fresh air, Remus found a closet with cleaning supplies that flew out and started cleaning once he opened the door. 

They started grabbing books that had fallen off the moving bookshelves and arranged them neatly, Y/n ran her fingers across the spines as she skimmed through the titles, “there are some good books here.”

“I’d hate to say Bertram has good taste.” Remus teased.

“There's no way these are his, they are his grandmothers I'm sure, I think everything here is.”

“Except the illegal stuff.” Remus joked and they both laughed, Y/n placed a finger over the shiny book that would open the storage room but looked hesitantly at Remus before daring to move it.

“We should let the cleaning supplies get in here don't ya think?”

“Yeah, they will be gentle. Better than if we, or dare I say, Bertram, were to try and clean in there.”

With a giggle Y/n pulled the book out, stepping back as the bookshelf disappeared into the floor. She stepped aside and the cleaning supplies that had just finished cleaning the kitchen and living room went inside. She stood patiently, watching as the charmed cleaning supplies cleaned everything, dusting the shelves and mopping the floor, cleaning the burnt cauldron so it sparkled again. They flew out and Remus was waiting on the other side of the room to let them into the basement. After that, they dared to even let the supplies in Bertram's bedroom and the bathroom that they hadn't even noticed.

Y/n and Remus stood in the doorway of the bathroom, it was nice, arguably the nicest part of the house. Maybe that's just the opinion of Y/n and Remus, two people who have been living outdoors and on this wild runaway adventure with no nice bathrooms, and also the biggest introverts you could ever meet.

Maybe that’s why this cottage with its secluded location, wall-length bookshelves, large windows, comfy couches, isolated backyard and now a lavish bathroom with a huge bathtub and separate shower, was so appealing to them.

“We have cleaned the entire house, now it’s time for the house to clean us!” Y/n said excitedly as she ran across the room to the bathtub and kneeled in front of it placing her arms and hands over the side as she admired the smooth porcelain.

“Not sure that makes sense but I get the point.” Remus teased.

Y/n looked up at him with the biggest eyes of admiration, the kind she had always looked at him with, though he was unaware of it most times. “If you need me I’ll be in here for the next five years.”

“I think that’s ample time for relaxation, would you like me to grab you a book and your pyjamas from the car?”

Remus leaned down a bit as he spoke to her, grabbing her cheeks gently and squeezing them before he moved his hand to the side, she nuzzled her cheek into his palm as she smiled, shutting her eyes. It was a peaceful expression, Remus almost didn’t want to look away.

“It's not even noon, you think I should put my pyjamas on already?” She asked, eyes still shut and a smile still across her face.

“Well, why not, it's not like we are going anywhere.”

“You’re just full of brilliant ideas today aren't you.”

Remus chuckled as he placed a kiss on her forehead before standing back up and leaving the room. As he shut the door, not knowing when Bertram would be back, he heard the tap turn on and the sound of Y/n shuffling through the cabinet for bath products.

When he got back, with a good book that he picked out for her guessing what she would like based off how well he knew her, and a pair of pyjamas which were just plaid pyjama shorts and a very oversized t-shirt that he recognized as probably being one of James’, he knocked quietly before creaking the door open.

“I have your requested supplies, Mini.”

“You sound like my potions assistant again.” Y/n joked from inside the tub, she was fully submerged and hidden behind a mountain of purple bubbles, the room smelled like lavender and honey and the bathwater was so hot the mirror was already fogged up.

“No potion supplies here, just a book and some Pj’s.” Remus smiled as he tried to avoid looking in the soapy water, he placed the items on a dry part of the counter beside the sink.

“Come ‘ere” Y/n almost whispered and Remus instantly abided before she even finished her words.

He leaned against the side of the tub, knees against the floor and elbows resting on the edge, his sleeves already a bit damp. Y/n grabbed some bubbles on her fingertips and rubbed them across Remus’ face, leaving some to pile up on top of his nose. He scrunched his face up as if it bothered him but his smile and red cheeks gave him away.

“How can I ever thank you?” she asked quietly as she ran her fingers through the curls that fell in his face, getting them wet as she played with them.

“You can thank me by having a relaxing bath with me sometime.” He suggested.

“Some time? But there's one right here right now!” She said in a slow teasing tone that made Remus’ heart beat faster, he gripped the side of the tub, knuckles turning white as his mind raced.

“You want me to come in there? With you?” He asked timidly. 

They hadn’t done much since that night in the car, even that was mere foreplay, they hadn't even kissed that much since then, not having a moment alone without Bertram hovering around. Neither of them being big on PDA. 

Y/n just nodded, a wicked smile on her face.

Remus put his hand in the water swooshing it around, “If I get in there it will overflow and spill everywhere.”

“Oh no, too bad we don't have a magic mop in the other room.” 

*****Smut starts*****

She smiled as she got on her knees bringing her upper half out of the water, wet and sudsy skin making Remus blush more. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him close so his lips were on hers, she kissed him quickly, unsure of how much time they truly had. Remus moved his hands to her breasts, rubbing his fingers gently across the bubbles, brushing against her nipples with his fingertips and before he knew it he was being pulled in with a splash and a flood spilled on the floor.

The bathtub was big enough that they could both fit if they were careful but they were in such a heated hurry that they splashed about as they moved around, kissing intensely only pausing to smile on each other's lips. Y/n had her back against the porcelain tub as Remus hovered over her. His clothes were too wet and heavy to easily take off on his own so Y/n slowly peeled them off piece by piece as he slid his hand between her thighs. 

Her legs spread as far as they could since she was pinned beneath him, his knees on either side of her hips. His fingers pushed inside her with little rhythm, every time he moved his arm the water would spill over the side of the tub a little more. 

Her fingers fiddled with his pants, trying to get them off him but the effort proved useless. He smiled against her cheek as he moved to kiss down her neck before pulling his fingers away and moving his hands to grip her hips, carefully wrapping her legs around his waist and then lifting them both out of the tub. Taking careful steps around the bubbly puddles and then placing her on the bathroom counter. The cold smooth tile underneath her warm bare skin.

Remus was still wearing his pants, his shirt and sweater were successfully taken off by Y/n in the tub. He stood between Y/n’s legs as she wrapped them around his waist and pulled him closer to her. She continued her mission from before, if she was completely naked why shouldn’t he be. It took a bit of teamwork to get his soaked jeans off of him, building up the tension and impatience they were both feeling for one another. 

She wanted to see him completely naked for so long, the last time they did this it left too much to the imagination, and when they went swimming he was hidden under the water from her examining and detail searching eyes.

She didn’t get to spend too much time admiring his pale skin, covered in scars and odd freckles here and there before he grabbed her face, kissing her roughly before pushing inside of her. They both gasped, shocked at the new feeling. His hands moved from gently holding her cheeks to grabbing her hips, pulling her closer to him with each thrust.

She wrapped her hands around his shoulders, moving her hands over his wet back, digging her nails in to keep him close.

Remus placed a hand on the mirror to steady himself. This was not the smartest way for them to do this for the first time, it was clumsy and slippery and desperate and exploratory and not thoroughly planned out like everything they do together. His hand slides against the glass of the mirror as he thrusts faster and deeper, his forehead is pressed to hers because he can’t focus on this and kissing her at the same time.

She wants to say something but isn’t sure what’s right to say, her mind is clouded and all she can think of, all she can feel is him.

“Rem, Remus…” She muttered through scattered breaths as the tension-filled her stomach as she came undone. Remus thrust a few more times before coming, kissing her and pushing her against the mirror to her back.

He pulled away from the kiss, smiling sheepishly at her and she just smiled back at him.

“Now I feel like I need another bath.”

“That can be arranged,” he teased before he kissed her once more.

*****smut ends******

-

Bertram rushed around the small kitchen making some sort of food, Y/n was sat on the stool at the kitchen island and Remus was stood on the other side of it, trying not to be in Bertram's way. They were unfazed by the commotion Bertram was causing, he insisted he didn't need any help. 

Bertram had been gone almost all day and had only come back around 6 pm, with a few groceries in hand thankfully.

Y/n looked at Remus from behind her mug, her eyes travelled from the floor and then up to his face. He was already looking at her. They both stayed like that, silently examining each other, a smile broke across Y/n’s face, simply because he made her happy.

They looked at the faces in front of them, wondering how they went from strangers to classmates, to acquaintances and then to this, whatever this was. They went from existing in the same small world to being each other's whole lives, their points of view focused on each other. 

The background blurred when she stared at him, she took a sip from her tea and he raised a teasing brow. He was about to tease her, tell her to take a picture as it would last longer, but smoke passed in front of his face catching both their attention.

It was clear Bertram really did need help.

Remus chuckled and turned to help him as Y/n watched in amusement from her seat. After a few struggled minutes Y/n was presented with a plate with two burnt pancakes on it.

Before they could all sit down and enjoy the sweet moment and the hopefully sweet pancakes, there was a loud banging on the door again. All of their smiles faded.

“Bertram! Open the door. Answer me you lying bastard!”

Remus was the first to stand he walked over to the door and went to turn the nob to open it but Bertram ran up behind him.

“No.” He whispered but Remus shook his head. 

“You can’t hide forever. Just obliviate him.” Remus said before he forced the door open, his wand in his hand hidden behind his back.

The man started yelling but Bertram said nothing in response he stared blankly at the angry man in front of him.

“Bertram, do it!” Y/n yelled from her seat as she watched nervously.

Bertram shook his head, a clear look of fear on his face so Remus pushed him aside, silently casting obliviate on the angry muggle in front of him.

Suddenly three Auror’s appeared, wands drawn. The muggle man looked around confused as ever as to where he was and what was happening.

“You obliviated him?” One of the Aurors asked as she looked at the muggle.

Bertram shook his head, making them believe that Remus was who they were looking for.

“So you are Bertram Aubrey then?” The woman asked Remus and he shook his head. One of the Aurors stepped forward, Remus recognized him. 

Of the three Aurors in front of them, there was a woman he didn’t recognize but looked not much older than him, and two men who he recognized as Dirk Cresswell and Davey Gudgeon. 

“No, that's Remus Lupin,” Davey said.

“Uh yeah, that's Bertram, but I am the one who Obliviated the muggle, that's a law. I followed the law.” Remus said, he was panicked but he was trying to sound calm and sure of himself as he spoke slowly and clearly.

“We know the laws, and being apart of the black market for potions and creatures is against the law.” The woman snapped at him.

“I'm not,” Remus argued but he was interrupted by Dirk.

“Then why obliviate him?”

Remus didn't want to admit that he knew what Bertram was doing and he couldn't think of any excuses fast enough.

“That's what I thought,” Dirk said as they went behind Remus and used a spell to lock his arms behind his back, they did the same to Bertram.

Y/n ran to the door, not worried about being arrested herself.

“You can’t take him! He's innocent I swear.” She pleaded, tears filling her eyes at the sight of Remus being pulled away.

“Well, even if he is, he just obliviated our witness so I think he will prove useful. Stay safe out here all alone little lady, there are wolves in these woods I hear.” Dirk teased.

“Sorry about this Y/n, and I’m sorry about James too. Just stay here in case we need to come back for you, we have no reason to take you in now but please don't run.” Davey said before they all apparated away leaving Y/n standing in the doorway by herself, unable to do anything to help them. 

She was alone now, in a place that wasn’t home and only felt like it because of who she was with. The backseat of the car felt like home with Remus there, the forest felt like home and the shitty motels did too as long as Remus was there with her. But now he wasn't.

Loneliness consumed her and she fell to her knees as she whispered to herself.

“What do I do now?”

The emphasis on the I hurt, because the honesty of it all was that Remus wasn't there to ask her this. He wasn't there for her to focus on and guide, Bertram wasn’t there to be clueless and she had never felt so hopeless and powerless. How could Davey look at her, offer his empty apologies to her and then take them away anyways, leave her there? They weren't close friends at all but he knew James, how could he take Remus away like that?

She sat like that for an hour staring down the driveway, until a black shaggy dog ran down the road and stopped at the door, staring at her through the thin screen.

At first, she thought it was a wolf, but as it got closer she realized it wasn’t.

She didn't fear the dog, she welcomed anything to cease the loneliness, but its eyes seemed not those of a dog but of a human.

Where did this mysterious dog come from?

Part 9

[opheliathedreamer-blog]

OKCryptid // Pt. 3 { Ghoul }

You decided to linger over one of your lower percentage matches out of curiosity. It consisted mainly of nighttime stills of the graveyard at the outskirts of the city and sound bites of popular Gothic rock bands. He didn’t post a photo of himself. The only hint you received as to his identity was that he was a male non-human of unspecified age whose name was Grindel. The tone of his profile description (Location: The Void. Occupation: Feasting on corpses overlooked by the machine) would have given you cause for concern if it weren’t for rare glimpses of his sardonic humor (Mood: Wake Me Up Inside).

You debated whether you should message him for a few moments before deciding to take the plunge. If he seemed a bit too off, you could always block him.

         You: Evanescence fan?

         Grindel: Unironically? Never

You snorted.

         You: Given the spooky aesthetic, I thought you would be

         You: Which I like btw

         You: There are a lot of gravestones on your profile

         You: Are you into history?

         Grindel: Of a sort

         You: It a secret?

         Grindel: Yes

         Grindel: I wouldn’t want to have to kill you

Although you rationalized that he must have meant it as a joke, a shiver raced up your spine. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Hell, your neighbor was married to an ogre that was at least twice his size, but, much to your chagrin, you couldn’t help but remember your parents’ stern warnings— Monsters can wear their masks in public but nothing’s changed. Our ancestors made us wary of them for a reason.

         Grindel: Where do you live?

Of course his next question didn’t alleviate your anxiety in the slightest. Icy tendrils slithered around your heart, and you debated following your plan B and blocking him, before your fingers typed a message of their own accord. Curiosity killed the cat, or so they say.

         You: The abyss. It’s right next door to the void. Can’t miss it

         Grindel: Nice

         Grindel: I see you too work in the food industry?

         You: A bartender, yeah

         You: Crappy job but it’s temporary

         You: I’m still looking for an artifact restoration position someplace local that doesn’t call for thousands of years of experience

         Grindel: Are you interested in history then?

         You: Of a sort

Two can play at this game, you thought. After he didn’t respond for five minutes, you pocketed your phone and started to load your washer before you felt it vibrate. He had responded by attaching a photo of a dilapidated mausoleum. A cracked stone family crest displayed a raven holding a chalice in its talons.

Your tension concerning his previous comments gradually melted away. This was an area in which you thrived. The carvings had to have been at least three centuries old, possibly older. It was, however, hard to tell due to the copious amounts of lichen and ivy decorating the tomb.

         Grindel: This belonged to the Korbin family. The last heir, Emelia Korbin, died in 1876. Since then, no one seems to pay attention to it.

         You: That’s a shame. I bet it was stunning in its hay day.

         You: Is this from the cemetery in town?

         You: I never knew it housed anything this old

         Grindel: There’s a lot of things people can overlook

         Grindel: Past things often fade away in the dark

         Grindel: I look after them though

Your ears all but pricked. Was that a clue?

         You: So, you’re a groundskeeper?

         Grindel: Undergroundskeeper

You mentally repeated the word, brow furrowing. Undergroundskeeper. Did he help construct coffins? Did the mausoleum vaults descend that far?

Or did he live underground? You knew some bat people and cave fae who were particularly sensitive to light. That would explain why all his photos were taken well after the sun had gone down.

Before you could offer a possible answer to the mystery, you glanced at your phone’s clock and saw that your shift started in half an hour. Cursing under your breath, you ran towards the door.

         You: Sorry shift starts soon

         You: I’ll text you later

         Grindel: Thank you

Although you hadn’t the time to reply, the odd nature of his statement kept your thoughts turning. Not “okay. Not “all right, ttyl.” He said, “thank you.” A part of you started to feel sympathy for the secretive monster. It seemed that not many took the time to get to know him.

You went through the motions at work, chatting with the regulars and painting on a smile whenever someone outstayed their welcome. The bouncer, a minotaur named Frank, was pretty good at looking out for everyone, but that didn’t mean you hadn’t experienced a few lewd comments and wandering hands.

You normally brushed it off and went about your night, head down and ears closed, but that night one of the patrons, a troll who had one too many, was far too insistent for comfort. You had told him you weren’t interested for the sixth time that evening and politely excused yourself in order to go wave down Frank before the troll’s calloused hand shot out and wrapped around your neck. Your breath caught in your chest as he pulled you forward. The scent of vodka and whatever trollish mead he had been pouring into it stung your nose. You weakly struggled as his tusks scraped against your face in an attempt at a kiss. 

You sent a silent prayer that someone would intervene and, a few seconds later, a few orc bikers that were regulars pulled him off. The troll growled something in his native tongue and threw a few punches. You watched in relief as Frank ran over and got him in a headlock from behind. One of the bikers—Zadok, you thought it was—bellowed at you to call the police.

The troll paled, blurry eyes rapidly blinking. He stopped struggling. “Whateva.’ Ah’ll leave. Jus’ let go o’ me.”

Zadok looked at you. “You want to press charges on this asshole?”

You looked at him, hand over your racing heart, and remembered a news headline from days prior. There was a robbery at a convenience store. Just some teenage kids sneaking around and trying to pilfer some booze. The elf got off scot free. The troll with him was sentenced to five years in prison because the police insisted that the necklace he wore, a collection of claws and fangs from kills starting after his coming-of-age ceremony, was a weapon.

You thickly swallowed and shook your head. “He’s drunk. Just let him go.”

Frank escorted him out, yelling after him that if he saw him in there again, he would call the cops. You glanced down at the counter and realized your splayed hands were faintly trembling. Glaring, you clenched them into fists and wrapped your arms around your middle, breathing deeply, in and out.

“Hey,” Zadok softly began.

You turned your head so sharply that the orc winced. “You okay?” he asked.

You exhaled roughly through your nose, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”

“It’s almost closing time, and the boys and I ain’t got nowhere to be. Want us to help you home?”

“Nah. I know you have to work tomorrow, and Marnie’ll be worried. I’ll just call an Uber or something.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.

He didn’t look convinced but let any budding arguments die with a sigh. “Kay. Take care of yourself, all right, Y/N?”

“You too, Zadok. Thank you.”

Those who had witnessed the altercation went out of their way to leave extra tips and, when the Lagoon finally closed, Frank volunteered to drive you home himself. However, despite your previous promise to call an Uber, you found that the crisp night air was clearing your head. Your body was also so full of adrenaline that you feared if you were driven home and tried to sleep, you’d stay up all night thinking about it.

You thought back to the old cemetery. A foolish thing, perhaps, but your hobbies had always done wonders in alleviating your stress. You had your phone, and you had pepper spray hidden in your back pocket. And, with how taut your muscles felt, you thought you could outrun anything. Besides, you wanted to see the mausoleum for yourself.

Frank thought it was a terrible idea once you told him but, knowing how stubborn you were, he made you promise to text him once you arrived and once you were safely home. If he didn’t hear from you in twenty minutes, the time it would take for you to walk there, he said he was calling the police. You reassured him that you would and then set out for your walk.

The chilly weather caused you to huddle inside your hoody for warmth, but you appreciated the full moon and the scarce stars that could be seen through the haze of light pollution. The more you walked, the more you relaxed. As you texted Frank updates, you actually felt your eyelids droop. It had been a long night. After a few moments of looking, you’d head back home.

Upon reaching the cemetery, you drank everything in—the languid shadows birthed by the yellowed moonlight, the mournfully swaying weeping willows, the damp grass and time-stained stone, the scent of decaying flowers, incense, and overturned soil. You were surprised to notice how many prominent non-human families were there. You even saw a Baron or two, one an elf and the other a goblin. You silently wished you had brought a notebook so you could jot down dates and try engraving some of the more battered headstones, but you promised yourself you would return in the daylight.

You were leaning downward, poised to take a picture of the late Yera Offley’s stone, featuring her battle-ready relief, when you saw an approaching shadow out of your periphery. Remembering the previous events of the evening, you ducked behind a nearby mausoleum and waited. The quadrupedal creature drew closer. You hid your phone’s bright screen against your chest. No sound heralded its coming, and that somehow frightened you more than its actual presence. 

“You should have known better than to loiter in graveyards at night,” a throaty rasp announced. “Didn’t I warn you? If I found one more of you children defacing the graves, there would be the Underworld to pay.” 

You fumbled with your back pocket. 

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” 

When you finally retrieved the pepper spray, you struggled with the safety release and dropped the can.

“Shit!” you hissed under your breath. 

You reached for it and saw another hand emerge. Its elongated, emaciated fingers were tipped with ivory claws, and fine hair grew on its knuckles and what you glimpsed of its palm. Your breath caught in your chest, and you reeled back with wide eyes. It was gangly and faintly humanoid, even though it seemed to prefer traveling on all fours, and was clothed in a tattered button-up and trousers. Its ears were large and tapered into points, and its red eyes were a stark contrast to its colorless skin. Its nose, which consisted of two raw slits, flared and its mouth, filled with sharp, yellow teeth, shut with a snap.

You barely registered that you were hyperventilating until your head grew light and black spots danced in your vision. The creature retreated and held out up both its hands placatingly.

“Calm down, Y/N. I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else... I won’t hurt you.” It slowly retrieved the can of pepper spray and offered it to you. “Here. It’s all right.”

Seeing that it wasn’t going to eat you outright, you slowly accepted the proffered can and forced your breathing to slow.

“How do you know my name?”

It canted its head to the side. “The same way you know mine.”

You tried to organize your scrambled thoughts until it hit you. Undergroundskeeper. Cemetery pictures. Past things often fade away in the dark. I look after them, though. Grindel, one of your matches on that ridiculous dating app, was a ghoul.

“You’re not supposed to be real,” you said. Ghouls were a legend, a myth, a creature that humans and monsters alike referenced in scary stories to discourage rebellious teens from disrespecting the dead. 

“And you wonder why I don’t advertise what I am,” he snorted. “There are monsters that even monsters fear.”

You thought back to his listed occupation status: Feasting on corpses overlooked by the machine. You had thought it was a grunge reference, but he meant it literally. You shakily chuckled. A living myth was in front of you, one who killed grave robbers and could supposedly travel to and fro between the mortal realm and the Underworld.

And you had matched with him 65%. The incredulity of it wasn’t lost on you. 

He blinked, seemingly confused. “What?”

“I’m tired, terrified, and in disbelief at the fact that the cryptid among cryptids took the time to install a dating app.”

He glanced downward. “Tch, All the other ones have emerged. I thought…” He waved his skeletal hand vaguely before he shook his head. Thin, cracked lips frowned. “Ah, what was I thinking? If the others face persecution, the guardians of the dead will only face that much more.”

You grew silent at his morose tone, and a part of you felt sympathetic. You remembered how he thanked you when you told him you would talk to him again. 

“Maybe... but I think if there are people brave enough to get to know you, minds will change.” You paused and added, “Like mine. I... I’d like to get to know you.” 

He surveyed your face in disbelief before his eyes landed on your neck. He slowly reached forward a hand. You gasped, more out of surprise than fear, as you registered his cold hands. His claws, which could most likely rend bloated flesh like a scissor could paper, rested on your skin as softly as a breeze.

“Who did this?” he murmured. His breath smelt of carrion. You tried to ignore it, but your stomach still instinctively curled. 

“What?”

“There’s a bruise here.”

“Oh.” You exhaled. “Just some drunk asshole at work. It bad?” 

“It depends on your definition of bad.”

You cracked a smile. “You’re always so damn cryptic.” 

His sharp teeth winked in the shadows as he returned a roguish grin. “Mysteries are no fun if they are solved right away.” His grin faded and he withdrew. “Still, I apologize for that. You weren’t kidding when you said it was a crappy job.” 

“Don’t be sorry. I told you it’s only temporary.” 

You placed the can back in your pocket and slowly rose to your feet. Your legs briefly wobbled. Grindel reached up to help you stabilize.

“Are you all right?”

You nodded, barking a short laugh. “It’s been a ride. My body’s still trying to catch up.” After texting Frank another reassurance that you were all right, you turned to your newfound companion. “Grindel?” 

“Yes, Y/N?”

“The initial reason I came here was to see the Korbin mausoleum. Could you take me to it?”

“Of course.”

Pictures couldn’t do it justice. The Romanesque carvings were breath-taking, and Grindel showed you a secret passage into the tomb, where you were able to read walls of names and observe countless bas reliefs of the harpy family.

“You like it?”

“I love it. I’ll have to come back with some of my notebooks. I’d love to do research on them. They must have so many stories to tell.”

“You’ll come back?”

The fragile hope in his voice tugged at your heart. Before you realized what you were doing, you knelt down and wrapped your arms around his neck. His skin was still as frigid as you remember, and it was disturbing how you could feel every rib and bump in his spine. However, your sympathy outweighed every other thought when Grindel carefully returned your embrace, hands hovering just above your hoody. If you were still a little frightened, then he was terrified of this fragile tie between the two of you.

You mustered up the courage to turn your head and gently press your lips to his sharp cheekbone. He sharply inhaled. His breath still testified to his unorthodox diet, but you found you could grow used to that, too.

“I promise.”

@thetravelerwrites, @ban23

[middlearthmerchant95]

like hell; ch1

“You’re crazy...”

“So are you sweetheart”.

Jerome Valeska x OC

Summary: The Maniacs of Gotham, a load of bullshit in Grace’s eyes. That is until she’s one of them. But what peace can she find among monsters just like herself? A monster she wishes she wasn’t. But a monster that someone loves..

Word count: 3,667

Rating: Teen/Mature

Warnings: mentions of violence, swearing, Arkham in general (insanity kind of stuff)

A/N: This story is literally 2 years in the making and I’m finally starting to post the chapters. I know everyone is all into Jeremiah now (love him) but this story was started a long time ago and I know we all still love Jerome so. I hope everyone reads it and enjoys it, my writing has really improved and I’m so proud of this, I hope you all like and reblog it. It’ll be an ongoing story so be ready. XOXO

Good behavior. That’s what this was. Staring down at a silver square plate that consisted of brown mush, saltines, and room temperature tap. This was my reward for good behavior. After months of complying, taking my meds, and staying quiet when I wanted to scream, I was written off for having this so called “good behavior”. But the more that phrase crossed my mind the more unreal of a term it really seemed. Like all things in my life I guess.

But despite the less appetizing and probably unedible meal before me, I was happy. Happy because my meal wasn’t slid under the door in the pitch black, happy because when I heard a voice nearby it wasn’t the sad realization of it just being in my head. Because this was the goal on my slow and lethargic mission to good behavior: being released from solitary confinement. And as I sipped on my stale water with the rim of the thin paper cup almost soggy against my lips, I couldn’t help but feel a little pleased with my accomplishments.

“No, no! Shut up, n-not now!”

I turned to my left at the voice beside me, a frown forming on my face as I overlooked the lanky man as he tried desperately to cover his ears.

“Bunny, keep it down. If the guards hear you yelling at the voices they’re gonna throw you back in, you know what happened last time..” I explained to him gently.

He shuddered in his seat, scratching at his arms while he looked at me with wide worried eyes. “I-I know, I know G-Gracey.. They just keep talking and, I-I dunno” he stuttered out. I watched him while he rocked back and forth on the bench, peering over his shoulder every now and then to get a glance at the guards. If he got any more anxious then it wasn’t going to turn out well for him.

“Hey, cut it out. Sit still freak”.

A guards first warning. Which meant the next one wasn’t gonna be any nicer.

“I said sit still freak!”

“P-please! Leave me alone please! I c-can’t help it!” Bunny wailed, his body now violently rocking back and forth. The guard came out of nowhere in the corner of my eye, appearing behind Bunny, and the moment my eye caught a glance at the taser in his hand I turned my head as quick as I could. But when the taser reached Bunny there was nothing I could do to not know it was happening, the sounds of his screams and the zap from the taser was just enough as the guards dragged him away.

Closing my eyes for a moment I let everything slide away, letting out a slow breath as the moment evaporated like swallowing a dry pill; slowly and painfully. I dropped my face into my hands while I looked down at my half empty cup of water. Even if things started out good, it would always turn out bad some way. This place was a perfect example of that. When I came in they wouldn’t stop preaching about there being hope, that no one was excluded from it and help was always going to be available to us. But it didn’t take long to learn that it was all just bullshit. There was no hope. At all. We’re all just as insane as when we came in, lots of us even worse. And now look at Bunny, a good morning and a good afternoon just for it to end with more pain and suffering. No one to soothe his cries, no one to dull his pain, just a straight jacket and some drugs to aid in all of his problems. And somehow, my cup looked even emptier…

I wanna leave.

Stop. Not now I don’t wanna hear it.

I shoved the thought away as quick as it came and as hard as it tried to linger. The one thing these drugs couldn’t fucking get rid of. And for someone who’s been here 5 years you’d wonder why I had those thoughts anyways.

Pushing the thought even further back I finished off the last of the mush and crackers on my plate and swiftly slid off of the bench; it was probably best for me to be somewhere else now, somewhere where my thoughts couldn’t bug me..

My rested legs took me where I needed to be, walking down the long, cold, guard lined hallway away from the rec room and into somewhere much more warmer and a lot more appealing. At least to me. The one inmate who visited it.

The Arkham Asylum Library. Well, more or less. It could easily be, Arkham’s Book Cupboard, but it was something. And I appreciated it nonetheless.

It’s only been established for 3 years, but still, it seemed to be my only salvation in this hell hole. The one place where I could reach out beyond the confines of these walls and into somewhere better, somewhere where I wasn’t insane, or angry or scared. It was a salvation to me. And today as I looked it over while I stood in the doorway, it seemed to look a bit brighter.

The walls were the same: cold, gray and dank. The six book shelves were draped in a fine blanket of dust that was still unbothered, but there were tiny details I could spot that told me things were different, better in a way. But I was the only one who came here anyways so of course I noticed. Tucked into the far corner of the room now sat a soft worn in leather chair, and next to it a dark green reading lamp, its glow making the chair look even warmer than it should be. And while these both added to the otherwise dull environment, it’s not what caught my eye in the first place. I walked till I stood right before the book shelf, the dust mixed with the old book smell heavy with my senses. Then my gaze found it, six brand new books settled right in front of me on the middle shelf where it was once empty.

I reached out to run my fingers down the spine of one book when a soft voice called out and stopped me in my tracks.

“I see you’ve found our new arrivals already”.

My hand dropped and I turned to the doorway, Ms.Claire the librarian standing there with her small arms wrapped around a book and the peek of a smile on her face. “Anything peak your interest?” She asked coyly.

“Mm.. I’m not too sure yet” I replied.

Her eyes turned down to the book she held then looked up at me with a confident smile. “Well, maybe this one will”. She came over to me briskly, her eyes down at the book, uncaring of my own actions like most of the staff here. All of them are slow and careful walking up to me, eyes trained onto me like a guard dog. But not her, she’s the only one not scared of me. I couldn’t thank her enough for that alone.

“Open your hands” she said. “And close your eyes”. I did what she said, and before I knew it a heavy book was placed in my hand; a hardcover, I could feel it, so it was even heavier than it looked. “Now open and look down”.

What happiness I could have I was feeling right now. An abnormal warmness in my heart that thrummed gently, only stopping for a moment as I took in the book in my hands. It was big of course, and the hardcover looked brand new. And in large beautiful shiny words along the top it read: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The fourth book in the series, and the one I haven’t read yet..

I couldn’t think of anything to say, I really couldn’t, it all seemed lost in the moment. This was a book I wanted to read for so long, it almost feels like a past life with how long it’s been. I was supposed to have read this book long time ago… “I.. I don’t know how to thank you” I muttered softly.

“You don’t have to Grace” Ms.Claire told me sweetly. “I know how much you liked all of the fantasy books we have and.. Well I thought maybe this one might be your favorite in the end”. She smiled brightly at me and gave me a soft pat on my shoulder before peering over her shoulder, a guard lingering in the hallway like a hawk. She turned to me and sighed “well, I guess I better get back to work before they think I’m trying to help you escape”.

Doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.

“But why don’t you get started on that book okay? And I’ll see you later Grace”. As softly as I could I smiled back at her as she left, the guard taking one last glance at me before leaving with Ms.Claire down the hallway. I sighed. Alone again.

Forget about me?

Shut it. It’s time for me to actually have some peace and read this book. Get my mind away from you and this place.

K.. But I’ll be here when you need me.

With a huff I fell into the leather chair and opened up my book, it’s crisp edges calling me to a different world. Oh, and I don’t need you.

* * * * * * *

Some things you never forget how to do, like riding a bike. For me it was two things: using a gun and falling into the story of a book.

Really, for Harry Potter it wasn’t all that hard, the story was so easy and fun to follow that it felt like I was reading it for hours. But I think it was only one.

“Ay, that’s him right? That one that killed his mom in the circus? Crazy, spoiled ass brat”.

“I’d shut up if I were you rookie. That kid hears you talking about him like that, and you’ll be mangled up in a heartbeat. Don’t underestimate the inmates here. You give em the wrong look and you’re done”.

I craned my neck back to look at the hallway, seeing if I could get a look at who those guards were talking about, but nothing. They must’ve been closer to the rec room. Which means whoever they were talking about was in the rec room. Killed his mom in the circus? Hm. Whoever it was, I didn’t know them. Must be someone new.

“Fine whateva’. But he better watch out for me” continued the first guard.

“Yeah, sure” scoffed the second one.

Averting my attention back to my book I tried to drown out the rest of the conversation and outside noise. I wasn’t that much in the mood to hear gossip about some psycho kid.

You’re one to talk.

“Ms. Porter, it’s time for checkup”.

I snapped my attention to the doorway to find Hanson there, one of the regular guards around here who often took me back and forth to my room. He wasn’t too bad I guess. But on the days when I had checkup.. I really did hate him. He was like the bearer of bad fucking news. And as much as I didn’t wanna put my book down, I knew I had to. I was good remember?

“Sorry Grace, I gotta take ya over to the doc today. I know you don’t like it” he said with a frown.

Damn, it’s like he read my mind.

But I just shrugged and put my book away, moving towards him with my wrists raised as if on cue. “Nah it’s alright kid, I don’t gotta handcuff you today. Doc’s orders” he told me. I raised a brow at him but didn’t question it, I wasn’t gonna argue about not being handcuffed. But at the same time, I guess the feeling was the same as having your last meal before you go to the electric chair; a nice gesture for something so fucking awful.

The walk there was dreadful but familiar. Always the same. Cold and expectant. But the walk back.. Always different, and always a little piece of me gone as I came back.

Hanson left me with a pat to my shoulder though I barely felt it as I stood in front of the cold metal door before me. It was like my unconscious was getting my body ready for the numb pain that was about to proceed upon walking through the door. God, how many times I just wanted to run away from this… The only thing keeping me here was what they told me. That I was doing good, ‘good progress’ they said…. Somehow I was almost starting to believe them.

*Beep Beep Beep*

The door unlocked with a click and the doorknob turned and opened, but I kept my eyes down, like always.

“Hi Grace, come on in”.

I looked up under my lashes like I always did at my doctor; hesitant and compliant. And my doctor stood there with her clipboard in hand and her brown hair pulled into a tight ponytail, looking like an angel of death or something. She always looked so innocent and kind, but with the way she opened up old wounds, it was like she held a scalpel instead of a pen and paper.

I took my usual seat across from her desk and waited for her to start. The anticipation was always the worst part. Or maybe that’s just how I felt every time I was in here.

“So. How are you feeling today Grace? Are you having a good day?”

I shrugged, trying to relax at the same time. “Yeah”.

She smiled then jotted something on her paper and continued. “And how have you been sleeping?”

“Fine.. Not too bad”.

Again she jotted something down. “And have you been dreaming?”

This time my answer didn’t come quick, I was silent. And she pressed on. “Any nightmares Grace?”

I bit my lip and let my eyes travel around the room, knowing I had to answer the question but doing anything to avoid resurfacing the shit I had to see in my sleep.

“Yes” I finally muttered.

She nodded and wrote something down, her face careful and considerate. “It’s been a while since you’ve had any huh? That’s good”.

All those damn drugs is why.

Not now.

I nodded, knowing exactly where this was going. And like usual, never ready for it.

“Okay Grace. I want you to do your best and tell me everything you can remember from it. Just take your time. We’ll get through this..”

What a bullshit lie. Here we go..

“Was it about your father?”

Gracey, it’s okay honey.. It’s okay. Daddy’s okay, Daddy’s gonna be okay…

My head felt like it took a beating from a metal pipe as I made my way out of the room, everything thudding and booming around me. It felt like I was half awake, the nightmares still looming in and out of my head while my vision tried to focus in on the ground in case I tripped over myself. Fuck it was really bad this time…

Maybe they should give us some drugs for after those mind fuck sessions.

The only thing you’re right about..

I’m right about a lot of things actually. If only you’d let me have some control some times then-

Fuck you. The day I let you out is the day I’m really fucked.

Is that really so bad? Do you really wanna be so normal?

“Whoa, whoa, Grace. Hey, kid you okay?”

My vision came back into focus of the hallway and found Hanson crouching to my level, his expression slightly worried as he looked me over. Did I look that bad?

“You look like you’re gonna fall over, maybe you should get some rest?” He asked, but was quick to answer for me. “Yeah, let’s get you to your cell kid”.

I nodded as best as I could, feeling more fucked up than anything else, but still attempted to thank Hanson for being so kind.

The new set up in Arkham, and a pointless one at that, was that inmates had to constantly be signed in and signed out of the rec room or wherever if they weren’t in their cells. And the process was ridiculous with how many fucking inmates there were. But it was made worse when I saw who it was signing people in and out, the only bitch whose sole purpose of this job was to flirt with Hanson at any given moment. So lucky for me, I’d be waiting here a while.

“Hey Hanson, working hard huh? I wish they’d give you a break hon”. Here we go. Just like I thought. Fucking bitch.

Five minutes passed and I was still standing there. Still listening to this bitch’s terrible attempt at flirting while she slowly paged through the list of names. And all the while I could feel myself getting more pissed off.

Ooh, you haven’t been angry in a while.

I know I haven’t. It was probably that fucking doctor making me worse. Or… No. I can’t think like that. It’s just the after effect… That’s what she said, it’s.. Normal.

Whatever you say. But I say, you act on it. Shouldn’t be keeping things bottled up..

Again, I’m not taking advice from you. The last thing I need is someone fucked up giving me advice to do bad things. Remember? I’m not that person anymore.

Oh but you could be…

“Hahahaha! Wow Richard, I had no idea you were so funny!”.

Jesus Christ, who’s fucking obnoxious laugh is that? I spun around on my heel to face the rest of the rec room, my knuckles whitening as I did so. With how shitty my head felt I really wasn’t in the mood to listen to some bitch cackling…

Me either. Maybe you should fix that..

I was expecting to turn around and find some bitch sitting at the bench behind me laughing  in my ear just to annoy me, it wouldn’t have been the first time. But the entire rec room was empty, all except for one little group smack in the middle of the room, all closely sat together, minding their own business… What the hell?

For all the weird and abnormal bullshit that happened here in Arkham, sitting with people together as a group, actually conversing with them was probably the weirdest. No one here willingly spoke to someone else, let alone sit in a group with them. Most inmates were too far gone to even give a shit. Some of them just too far gone.. It was just so… Odd.

Another horrible laugh rang out then, the same one; loud, proud, and obnoxious. My eyes darted to the direction of the group it came from and landed on a head of wild blonde curls, her head tilting back as she laughed again while she gripped onto the smiling man next to her. He looked pleased with himself, smiling smugly at the giggling blonde girl beside him. God did she sound annoying… Though from the looks of everyone else in their group they didn’t feel that way, all eyes on them like they were their leaders or some shit. It seemed ridiculous considering the setting we were all in, there wasn’t much point in looking up to someone just as crazy as you.

Couldn’t that just be it though?

*Sigh*. Couldn’t what be it?

Maybe they’re not looking up to them because they’re just as crazy… Maybe they’re looking up to them because they’re even more crazy. I mean, it doesn’t seem that weird. Not in our case anyhow…

Whatever. We’re all fucked up. I just hate the idea of followers; no independence, no strength, always being someone else’s puppy.. I mean, just look at this fucking group. All of their eyes on them like they owned this place, it was so-

Hm. Not all of them after all… Interesting.

I thought for a moment, if there was ever a time in my life that I could remember when the feeling of someone watching ever creeped me out…

It didn’t.

So when I found a pair of eyes on me the feeling I got wasn’t from fear or worry, it was different, and I couldn’t explain it.. And that pissed me off.

He’s young… Guess you’re not the only wacked out kid in here.

He was young.. My age even. Pale with red hair. God his hair is red… With green eyes. Eyes that never left me, or at least… Didn’t want to. What’s his fuckin problem?

I tilted my head to the side, beginning to not like the idea of him staring.

Well then maybe you should stop checking him out and go ask what his fucking problem is.

Fuck off, like that’s what I’m doing. It’s not my fault he can’t stop staring… But now it started to feel like a competition, both of us not giving up on this bullshit little staring contest. He was enjoying it I could tell, the little glint in his eyes gave it away. But enjoying what I wonder.

“Alright Grace c’mon, sorry for the wait”.

Hanson appeared then, keys in hand, his body now blocking my view of the boy. Good riddance, I thought. He adjusted the gun holster around his waist then glanced back over his shoulder, right at the group. “They giving ya trouble Grace?” He asked.

Hanson moved his body just enough to where I could see the boy again. He looked at Hanson, just briefly, then looked right back at me. A smile peaking at his lips. I just glared back, and his smile grew.

I thought of Hanson’s question and answered as honestly as I could, another chill running up my spine.

“Not yet”.

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 9 - "I GOT A SUPER IDOL AKJSDNKSJANDKJ" - Kenneth

At the last tribal, Toph was voted out. During the past round, Keith found an exile ticket in the idol hunt and is in exile this round. The individual immunity this round is a 'chop the rope' style of Touchy Subjects. It will be followed by an instant tribal council.

ANNA OU- the execution of the vote was an absolute mess this is embarrassing y'all... i'm really starting to not trust ellie more and more considering the way this vote went! the way we were originally gonna vote toph but all this mess led to us flipping votes to brayden, which was a fail cuz he played the idol to himself and not toph LOL and not babs giving the idol to ellie cuz she would've gone home tonight!!!!! thank god the end results were still in our favor, getting rid of toph, but raffy is pissed once again lmao. this twist is very interesting, because i knew ahead of time that keith was gonna poof this round but i played dumb and whateva! it's kind of concerning cuz it might actually be a 4-4 split this time which SCARES ME so the extra vote consideration might be even higher. I really wanna win this Touchy Subjects challenge so the votes don't pile onto me (even though I fully believe it'll be either Dennis or Ellie lol)

my bestie toph just went home and im so sad :( he was literally my closest ally in the game and i am literally sooooo sad that he’s gone. but i did use my idol on myself which ended up being good bc if i didnt i would have gone to jury. just like everything is going wrong for me at this point and im on the bottom pretty much with raffy and anastasia. we needed to flip 2 people to have majority, BUT KEITH LEFT TO EXILE ISLAND AND HE WAS THE MAIN OPTION WE WANTED TO FLIP, so now that leaves kenneth and babs and we have to flip both of them or we are out of here. so we have our work cut out for us, but i really think we can flip babs because like they would just get like 6th place without us, and i just gave i think a pretty good pitch to kenneth so i really hope he considers it and doesn't just run and tell his majority alliance like he did with anastasia. anyways the challenge is touchy subjects and im nervous and i kind of am wishing i voted kenneth for biggest goat but i think i put riley and i regret ut. i hope someone says kenneth as biggest goat or something so it opens his eyes and he realizes he is literally number 4 to a solid 3 and should flip and be number 4 in our not at all solid 3. anyways i really hope i live this round

Captain Exile's log, Entry #58. I have been on exile island for an hour. it seems like forever... my mind is slowing turning into mush. I fondly remember the days I would plot Raffy's demise. Those days now seem like a lifetime ago.

I wonder why the 3 time keeping hosts have forsaken to this island, making me a fool by calling it a vacation. I also will never forgive them for not having an exile island hidden immunity idol. I should have asked Jay to send her cat to keep me company. . opportunity missed.

my favorite hobby is writing checks i can't cash

raffy realllllllly seems to trust me

babs realllllllllyyyy trusts me

ellie reallllllllly trusts me

kenneth realllllyyyyyy trusts me

keith reallllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy trusts me and i trust him right back

a+b do not trust me so im gonna have fun with this.

i love that idols just naturally attract themselves to ellie.

i love that keith and i are doing an amazing job as undercover kings and it makes me laugh that raffy completely believes that keith is perfectly in his back pocket. king of delusion.

i stirred up a lot of paranoia but its believable that ellie is the one thats mainly on dat.

excited for touchy subjects would love to win

I'm too nice for orgs. I reload video games when I accidentally select the mean dialogue options because I don't want to hurt any character's feewings. Which... is NOT the same as genuinely thinking everyone is a pleasant person.

Well, as the only person playing this live challenge sort of "remotely" ahead of time I feel like I'm in a really weird position. I guess I'll wake up tomorrow to... something? A clusterfuck most likely.

Brayden round 9 is already over but im pretending im writing this while its round nine

hey everybody its round 9. i played my idol to save myself which was so cool but im sad that i had to do it bc now im really vulrunable and have no protection in this world. my only alliance left is anastasia and raffy and i dont even know if i can actually trust raffy bc he just voted toph off, but like i have no other options. also i jut realized i thimk i actually did send a confessional this round but its ok. the challenge is touchy subjects and i know i have pretty much no chance of winning but i hope i get asked whos a goat so i can say kenneth and maybe he’ll flip. the plan is to go for riley this round since they arent a huge player and hopefulyl anyoen who flips would be fine voting them. i really really really hope tonight isnt a hands up tribal bc that would be really bad ;)

GUESS. FUCKING (freaking for the kids). WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A SUPER IDOL AKJSDNKSJANDKJSANDJKNASKJDNAKSJ I HONESTLY ALMOST LOST HOPE ON GETTING SOMETHING FROM THE SHOPS AT THIS POINT... The only other time I got something from the shop was my first ever purchase which led to an extra vote! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE because I feel like I have more options moving forward now, and I can make risky, but game-changing moves!! I will absolutely be saving the super idol as much as I can, hello?!?!?! I wanna make it to FTC so bad and ensure my spot in Final 5, so I just have to hold on until then!!!

soooo who's callin' me the fourth wheel to Ellie, Dennis, and Riley? oh? it's Brayden? okay king, step up then <3

holy fuck I hope I can explain this mess to Brayden kljfjkdlsahjkb WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Who is that girl I see?

Staring straight back at me

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

I was completely over Toph's vote out. Like, it just is another demonstration of my "allies" not trusting me. They thought that I told Toph all about the plan to vote him instead of Brayden. They think I ratted to Anastasia and Brayden about the whole deal. It was incredibly frustrating to wake up from a nap with my allies not trusting them. And then they wanted me to vote for Brayden which would have landed Ellie in the jury house. Like, the plan was perfect, but Dennis, Babs, and Ellie just talked themselves into a paranoid mess. After the vote, I managed to talk myself into the good graces of Brayden and Anastasia after voting out Toph. What I said was "If y'all still want to work together, I'm down, but I didn't necessarily trust Toph. Additionally, I was approached like last minute to vote him because of Ellie's idol (they told me about it just before the vote). And I didn't want Brayden to go (didn't know about your idol)." They seemed to buy it?

I went on call with Dennis afterwards and basically asked for Riley to get voted out this round because they are Ellie's immoveable ally. They will never want to work with me. That's dangerous. It could give Ellie a lot of power in this game. Dennis seemed to agree. I also realize that Dennis has a crystal clear view of my game. He knows the type of game I am playing. That scares me. I need to play this game with the knowledge he can turn on me at any time.

My current position is in the middle. I am working with the heads of both sides in this game. I am working with Ellie, Dennis, and Babs on one side. And Anastasia and Brayden on the other. Kenneth is on the Ellie side, but I think my avenues with him are currently closed. What's the most frustrating is that Anastasia and Brayden are so misted by Babs that they can't see that they are LYING. Straight to their faces! Talking about wanting to be allies. Like, I need them not to spill to Babs about anything cause then I would be exposed.

Pray for me y'all.

Kenneth uh this tribal was... literally not in our favor at all... riley was gone the whole time and we didn't throw raffy under our bus when we should have... rip well riley wasnt in my end game plan anyways but its still pretty unfortunate to not have them around for the next couple of votes... i wouldve pitched for raffy harder but it didn't even matter because riley already submitted the vote for brayden :/// just a lil' unfair but it's SURVIVOR i guess!

Keith I woke up to a surprise. I was expecting to be another day on this island but it wasnt to be... This was a round came with a surprise tribal after the challenge. So yayyyy me.... bye bye Exile.

[scarletttext]

Long ass rant, skip it if ya wish

Some people come to me (me family as well, but that’s hardly a surprise, it’d be a surprise if they supported me for once) and be like: ‘’I think you were prettier when ya were a girl”... and like.... ???? OKAY, first of: I was deeply uncomfortable in my own skin, I was crippling with self-hate, I FUCKING WANTED TO DIE ALL THE TIME. How DARE you? That wasn’t me! That wasn’t the person that I now am, that wasn’t who I was always supposed to be. Ya know what that person was? It was someone that was scared all the fucking time, it was someone who hated herself every waking minute, someone who would bend to other’s wishes because she was tired of being hated on, of being constantly pushed aside because she couldn’t completely hide her personality and be everyone’s perfect little doll. That girl was someone who was alone all the time, because I was there, I was always there and when I was alone I didn’t have to pretend to be a girl, I didn’t have to put on a mask and be what people wanted me to be so I wouldn’t suffer. THAT WASN’T ME. I was bending to what people wanted me to be because I was made to hate myself since I was A FUCKING CHILD. So I’d hide and fucking pray everyday to be ‘‘cured’‘, because I didn’t wanna suffer, I didn’t wanna lose the very few friends I managed to make through life, I didn’t wanna be hated on more than I already was. I went through hell just because I couldn’t hide that I’m pansexual, so to hide, on top of that, that I am a boy as well... oh Darling, it was a FUCKING NIGHTMARE. So I would pray to be ‘‘cured’‘, even though I’m VERY far from being a religious person, I have a deep conection with my spiritual side, yes, but I’m not religious. Even then, I’d pray, so can ya imagine the hell I was going thru???? That person ya think was pretty was suffering, that person was begging to die or to be ‘‘cured’‘ every day, that person was walkin’ through hell all the time. But ya didn’t see that, right? As long as I was what you expected, ya wouldn’t bore with even asking if I was okay right? So now, that I’m finally starting to like myself, that I’m finally getting to be ME, that I finally ike what I see in the mirror, every little change, ya have the NERVE to come and tell me ‘‘I think ya were prettier before’‘????? GO BURN IN HELL YA FUCKING ASSHOLE. It was people like YOU that made me think I was sick, it was people like YOU who made me think I had to be ‘‘cured’‘, it was people like YOU that put me in the brink of death so fucking many times. I COULD’VE DIED, I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF. WOULD YA BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH THAT??? Thank goodness for my therapist, she stopped me. But no, ya don’t get to say shit like that to me. I won’t even pretend to listen to ya, I’m gonna just fucking leave ya talkin’ alone. Burn bitch, coz I ain’t staying to listen to a snake talkin’ shit to me. Fuck you, I’m pretty as I am, and if ya don’t like it, fuck off, I’m outta here with my smooth beard and my boots. A Stetson too, if I didn’t look ridiculous with one. I’m out.

*a little addition: my grandpa was a genuine cowboy... well, here in Brazil we call it ‘’roçeiro’’, but a cowboy/farmer is easier to explain to non-brazilians. So I have a little accent and I’ve inherited certain personality traits from him. When I speak in english, I have a wild mix between Southern and canadian accents, so ya can get it in the way I write. It’s just a little part of me I’d like to put here, since this is a rant anyways. I think my natural accent leaks when I speak in other languages, so I feel like it’s natural to leak it in my writing as well, it IS part of me after all. And, since I lost my grandpa last year, it makes me feel somehow closer to him, so whateva