#I wish I'd liked it but damn guys it's kinda broken

[hawkwinglb]

So this is my review of Sara Hashem’s The Jasad Heir. It’s a novel whose appeal I can see, in a limited way, but which really didn’t work for me.

That said, I am in fact desperately hoping someone will come and argue discuss vigorously with me about the book's flaws merits. I’d love to know what made it work for other people.

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

As much as I give BNHA shit amongst my like minded friends, it genuinely did do something neat that I wish RWBY had done:

Showing us the school's best senior team

Like. CFVY is okay and all but they really aren't very narratively "productive" characters at all, they just got a spinoff that makes them all look bad, Coco is riddled with a bunch of completely justified controversy, and in direct show canon they hardly matter except to do some cool fights and for Velvet to get bullied a little.

Instead they could be outright replaced with the Cool Top Dog Senpais, who, even if they would still mostly be there to look cool, would also be serving an important side-role of being like a litmus test of how much you could actually expect a hard working, resourceful Hunter to improve by the time they're closing in on the end of their Beacon tenure.

It could help give structure and follow-through to how haphazard and inconsistent progression is in actual canon, where they keep throwing people power-ups or SAYING they're learning, but then their actual performance is becoming either LESS satisfying, or kind of just all over the place.

They could also be a smoother way to introduce and reinforce both Semblance evolution, and how its still true that not everything is about your Semblance.

Like I imagine one who used to be the underdog freshman with a weak and simple Semblance, now having a much more flashy and versatile one that just steadily expanded on the same basic principle.

And another still having their same simple and boring Semblance as ever, no extra frills, no new things it does, but it doesn't matter, because *they themself* got so much stronger, more experienced, and better at working within its limits.

And then you could have at least one of them die tragically as an easy ticket to bumping up the stakes and threat level, if you wanna go there.

Tbh I would kinda rather that happen than making Pyrrha die, because these guys would be in kind of a Goldilocks zone of being important and potentially very well-liked (to go back to BNHA, I think plenty of people would fucking riot if Mirio died, for instance) but not having too much unfinished business or too much potential future importance to other character arcs, on TOP of how if any student's gonna go fight Cinder and be the maiden candidate... then, like,

A Beacon senior just sounds WAY more reasonable than a Beacon freshman anyway, no matter how "good" the freshman is? Like this isn't a "big fish in a small pond" thing, this is like, literally supposed to be an entire nation's TOP school.

No matter how broken the freshman is, if your best school doesn't have a single senior whose hard work, experience, and maturity is capable of beating out a prodigy freshman, I'd say that reflects pretty damn poorly on your school, and your nation as a whole.

[quietbluejay]

Bluejay Reads Warhammer Samples 1

Because I need something to do to take a break from packing. So I'm going to put my sample impressions of books I haven't read (yet) here.

First up, Ashes of Prospero, The Solar War, The Lost and the Damned, Slaves to Darkness

description of daemon magnus is. something.

he's blue badabee badaba

but is he on the boulevard of broken dreams his wings are "ornamental and dramatic" well the imperium does one (1) thing right they use metric

Our hero squelches his way along

he's got a pet raven and he named it nightwing that's so cute wait your door handles have the ouroborous on them? that's kind of….thousand sons of you

you know what, good on the space wolves for having a nicely decorated space

must be a huge pain to keep clean though

honestly this is a pretty sweet setup

khayon 🤝 njal have a fun animal familiar and not sleeping due to nightmares caused by the space wolves/thousand sons invading their planet okay done the sample sadly the wacky body sharing antics did not begin definitely getting the vibe that this guy is more of a fantasy writer

New sample time back over to horus era oh it's emperor shenanigans again

so, i heard some concerning stuff about French's writing for the Horus Heresy but this seems good

ELMO EMOJI

yeah yeah the corpse on the throne foreshadowing, we've all seen it

amazing you just summed up the over-theme

oh hi Mersadie, been a while Mersadie is now imprisoned

she seems um. surprisingly mentally well for someone who has been in solitary confinement for seven years oh, nvm, she's having hallucinations

man poor Mersadie, gets solitary confinement for the crime of…being one of the only two surviving remembrancers for the Sons of Horus okay so you know how i said sometimes you can hear what the author was listening to as they wrote? im breathing in the chemicals well, it's Sound of Silence here owo jaghatai is here ew malcador is here

sexy lamp horus strikes again also, as always, French is great at mood-setting

i don't think this is necessarily bad writing, but tbh as always i am deeply uninterested in space battle play by plays so i am leaning against adding this book to the to-read pile OH NO NOT AGAIN THE HUMAN TALLOW CANDLES STRUCK WHEN I LEAST EXPECTED THEM as if summoned by the human tallow candles, blorbo shows up ahriman!!

i did not expect abaddon to quote poetry anyways yeah i don't think this is necessarily a bad book, but it doesn't seem like one I'm interested in

another sample oh hey it's Guy Haley! oh this is the one where abaddon mutes angron on zoom and it starts the day before valentines day. lol

if i had a nickel for every primarch described as "uncompromising and severe" i'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it makes me disinclined to like dorn

sanguinius i guess gets left as the dumb blond where the other two get characterization notes yeah. haley definitely improved by the time he got to writing plague wars this is better written than Valedor but not as good as Dark Imperium

im ngl he feels more norse than the space wolves lmao huh you know i feel like this is one of the least-horny descriptions of a woman stripping i've run across so glad it's not McNeill writing this

lmao

dorn: yeah uh, actually, i kind of really need to know this stuff since i'm the general in charge of fighting against it

looks at current situation looks at malcador yeahhhhh im gonna have to side with dorn on this one

man kinda wish horus' attempt to assassinate malcador had worked also jaghatai continues to be best boi jaghatai: he should have trusted us more malcador: look what happened with the bit he did trust you with im rolling my eyes so hard

dorn: okay but like HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT DAEMONS HUH malcador: don't worry about it, i got it yeah uh this explains so much also dorn isn't making too bad an impression on me

MORTARION MENTION

you know, i feel like there should have been some more reflection from lion

in his book, i mean hm okay, i might actually read this one at some point also, Vulkan's been alive for months and malcador is only telling them now behold! the man largely responsible for turning the imperium into what it was

still feeling like crap time for ANOTHER sample this is not grabbing me oh it's Malcador AGAIN oh it's flashback with pre-sexy lamp horus

GIVE ME THE FORBIDDEN HORUS CONTENT

This is supposed to be the Horus Heresy so why is he just a sexy evil lamp in most of them

aaaargh! human fat candle again! checks writer name JOHN FRENCH MUST BE STOPPED HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS okay our chaos priest word bearer dude wanders around naked

blorbo spotted!

i think it would have been extremely funny if the mournival had weekend-at-bernies'd wounded horus i'd read that or better yet if russ had actually managed to kill him and they used his dead body

[shaunsummers]

Some Sluts Move In

"I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to bring everyone else down with me." Even in her trying, Quinn couldn't grasp the understanding. She couldn't, wasn't there, never lived the life during or before. Even so, Siren didn't have all the answers, either. She struggles to bring clarity in the defense of why she endured for so long but it only serves to spring more tears from her eyes; and feeling a warm touch wrap around her, she crumbles. Like hell she would have expected it going into this room. In her realm of logic it shouldn't be happening. This conversation shouldn't exist.

"Fuck, take this. I might drop it." She couldn't even manage a hit in the midst of breakdown and quickly hands over the blunt to Quinn as she places herself close against her form; her own trembling with waves of shocks, threatening to steal breath from her lungs. Scattered in trying to make sense of her own actions, the words come through the processing in rambled anguish. "I just...I didn't know what to do. I'd get invited out...and I'd get into a fight with Ash. Then I couldn't go because I'd have bruises...and I didn't want anyone to see. Or to worry. I didn't want anyone close to it....It was all so fucked up...And I fucked up. I'm such an asshole."

Siren takes in a deep breath. Even as a broken gasp, relief enters her lungs as a portion of the bottled tension leaves her. Remorse remained still. Her body still shook. Though, her form soaks in the warmth next to her through the turmoil and fatigue. "But I fucking love you guys. And I'm glad you're still here." With her hand covering her face, Siren leans into her but now seeing as she had somewhat settled, she reaches into her pocket to grab her pen. The small fire of the coil sounds as she inhales before lifting it in offering.

-------------------

Jesus, it just continued to get worse. The shock of it all started to appear more and more on Quinn's face. Hell, she was there, and while when Ash was around she'd thought she was a cunt, Quinn didn't know she was beating on her. Now that she was thinking about it, there were a few times that an old bruise or a scabbed lip was something Siren had excused away with some blunder or another. Suddenly, all this not-making-sense was beginning to make sense. Shit, Ash was fucking abusing her.

"Dude, you're not an asshole..." Even for Quinn, the blunt was kind of getting in the way, now, and she leans to tap it out in the ashtray on her bed. "Fuck, I didn't know it was like that..." She uses the free range of movement to turn towards her and gather Siren more fully into her arms, drawing her in between her legs. Feeling her tremble only amplified the dread and sympathy growing in her chest.

"You were just....reacting to all that shit, I think? I mean, I've been a dick to people I care about when I've been really stressed. I don't think a bad moment makes who you are as a whole ass person, dude." Even in her musing, her eyes wander downward to the pen in her hand with the slightest sprinkle of amusement. Of course she accepted the offer.

"I love you too, Siren. Just...shit, I wish you would've let me in. I woulda been fine being close to it. Damn, I was worrying anyways." Quinn sighs, planting a light kiss in her hair. Wait, was that okay? She loved that shit before, so Quinn didn't really think about it. But it'd been a while now, so....who knew? Who knew what all of that had done to her, mentally. Just what she was hearing now was like Siren was another person. Not completely, but different.

"But I'm glad you're here, too." Jesus, especially knowing where she was. "And please, dude, if you have some shit going on...you can talk to me, just like this. You're rad, and funny, and I do give a shit. You're not bringing me down. And I hear you, it sounds confusing as hell—honestly, I still kinda am, too—but all of that is...a lot. So it makes sense. And I might not be any better at figuring it out, but I still got you. You're my girl, I got you."

[icarus-suraki]

15: Have any pets? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 62: What makes you happy?

15. Have any pets? Sadly, I do not :C At the moment I don't anyway.

Growing up, I had a massive black and white tuxedo cat (seriously, this boy weight 25 lbs, 11oz at his heaviest and he was a big kitty). He lived a good 14 or 16 years and I loved him regardless of how crotchety he was. He was an indoor-outdoor cat and I regret that knowing what I know now--to say nothing of how he got into fights with other indoor-outdoor cats in the neighborhood. But I loved him and I cried when he died.

Then in graduate school, my roommate had a super skinny little black and white long-haired tuxedo cat named Kanda (after the character in D.Gray-man though the character is male and the cat was female). I swear there's a skinny tux long-hair moggy phenotype because I've met more than a couple cats like this and they're all inclined to the zoomies and very vocal. This cat was no exception: she was nuts but she was cute. And she loved anything milky or creamy. If you laid down for a nap, she'd walk up like "That looks like a good idea. Scoot over" and take a nap next to you. She sat on my lap while I wrote my master's thesis and I wish I had given her a credit on that. Alas. Kanda actually has a long story as to how she came (back) to my roommate.

Meanwhile, towards the end of graduate school and thereafter, I kept finches. I started with four: a society finch, a spice finch, an orange-cheeked waxbill, and a bronze-winged mannikin. My roommate (the same one with Kanda) insisted that they have fancy, Victorian names. So they were Giacomo, Guilford, Vincent, and Jasper. Giacomo didn't live very long, unfortunately. Guilford, Vincent, and Jasper lived quite a while. Jasper, according to a vet, was older than we thought (as in, he had cataracts?), but he lived for something like 10 years in my care. Vincent, the orange-cheeked waxbill, lived the longest at something like 12 years. He had such a nice song. The spice finch sounded like a digital camera or a CD player--so oddly mechanical. Looking back, I'd do things different to take care of them. I wish I could've had a huge, huge enclosure for them, but that wasn't possible. If I ever keep finches (or any kind of birds) again, I will spoil them rotten with the biggest enclosure possible. (Channeling my inner Nie Huaisang here suddenly…)

But for right now, no, I don't have any pets. But! I had a dream about a little black and white tuxedo cat--mostly black but with white toes on his front paws and a little white on his chest--who was living in a bookstore that would make the dark academia fans rip their Moleskines in half. He was walking around in the bay window in the front of the store and there was a sign there that read "HONK IS NOT FOR SALE." This cat's name was Honk and I am taking that dream as a sign that someday Honk will come into my life. I'm trying to use Honk to motivate me in my therapy and job-hunting. It's all for Honk.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Not that I know of…?

I mean, I went on about two dates with this guy and I think he thought it was more serious than I did? So we had to have a "breakup" conversation after two dates? Maybe that broke his heart? I doubt it, though. (Sorry I'm introverted and kinda schizoid. Damn.)

If I've broken your heart, I'm really sorry. I had no idea I did that.

62: What makes you happy? I suck at answering things like this because my brain immediately goes "NOTHING. FUCK OFF." So lemme see what I can do here…

Okay. Sleeping. I know sleeping a lot is a symptom of depression and all but I do like it--likely because I really enjoy dreaming. I've never really mastered lucid dreaming, but I generally don't care. I just like seeing what my brain comes up with.

Um, tea with milk and sugar. Lousy carryout grocery store sushi (especially salmon nigiri). Hot fresh sticky rice (with or without Ingredient). Pickles. Cherries. Blueberries (my beloved). Cheese (you may indeed fascinate me by giving me a piece of cheese). Dark chocolate--or anything dark and/or bitter, really. Also salty things, like miso and soy sauce.

I like talking to my parents when we're not being too serious. Like, when we're showing each other memes or talking about what we've read lately. Or I'll sit on my news feed and find weird articles about iguanas falling out of trees in Florida because it's cold or about whatever George Santos has lied about most recently. I like it when we can just hang out and laugh at dumb stuff and make inside jokes. Like, if you've ever seen the movie After Life, that's the memory where I'd like to live.

Um… Spring right through early summer--like from when the first maple buds come out stright through to mid-July--makes me happy. Winter is really hard for me and fall just makes me remember that winter is on its way. Candlemas (Imbolc, February 2nd) is kind of a bright spot but it's not quite the same as when the early onions come up and the first dandelions. Seeing some sunlight through red maple buds is like a spiritual experience.

Related to that: flowering trees. Any of them. All of them: plums, apple, crabapple, pears, even invasive and smelly Bradford pears. But, being an oldtaku and reformed weeaboo, cherry blossoms are near and dear to my heart.

And related to that: the local anime convention that I've been going to for…20 years--that always makes me happy. Same thing with cosplaying, there or elsewhere: it makes me happy. Sometimes it stresses me out a bit, sure, but it does make me happy in the end. (Need to work on some of the cosplay projects scattered on the floor in here.) Like, seeing a thing I've made that's clever or so amazingly close to how a character looks in their source makes me smile.

Right now I'm still hooked on The Untamed and Heaven Official's Blessing (see: cosplay). So those make me happy--especially all the amazing fanart and the delicious memes. God bless the meme-makers. Like my tag says, I swear I'm into the series for more than the memes, but the memes are really good. Seeing the Jiang sect decal I have on the back window of my car makes me happy too. Jiang gang 4 lyfe!!

There's probably more, but this is what I can think of right now.

Ask me things?

[julien5-malfunction]

26012024 LONG ASS RAMBLING/ VENTING. GET'S BORING AF.

I'm having the agressive flashes in my mind again bc my neighbours have been yelling and being loud for the past 5 hours and I do not cope well with unwanted noise.

I'm even scared of myself for the moment I might actually snap (someones neck). I allready saw it in my mind; me telling them to be quiet because it's late allready and them laughing at me because I'm a short, weak, little girl, what am I gonna do about it. Then :

A. Pulling a knife out and attacking.

B. Going back in to grab my airsoft pistol and aiming for eyes.

C. Letting the guy know that it doesn't matter if I'm small, I can yell real fucking loud if I want to and I wanna yell something like 'DO YOU WANT ME TO YELL IN MY APARTMENT TOO' or 'IF YOU CAN'T BEHAVE LIKE A MAN THEN GO SOMEWHERE TO ACT LIKE THAT' or something. Idk. I'm really bad at improvising effective insults when I'd need to cause some heart felt emotional damage. I hope that would at least cause damage to his ears if nothing else.

In reality I can't do shit. I can't do shit about anything. I'm a powerless, weak little scum, I just have to put up with this, if I snap I'll just embarrass myself. I don't wanna cry bc everything makes me feel like shit about myself. I don't even feel real anymore. My whole life is a joke and I don't think I'll ever get better. I really need to scream. Like I REALLY NEED TO SCREAM. I need to just fucking be somewhere where NO ONE can hear me breakdown. And I have to be certain that there is NO WAY anyone can know.

Last summer, I used to rent a studio. Just to. Be alone. Be somewhere quiet. Blast music so fucking loud. Scream my lungs shit. Literally the only thing that somewhat kept me from destroying myself in the shit pit that was 2023. The studio was taken down about the same time I moved out, about 4 months ago. I have no fucking relase from this pent up rage, it just compresses inside of me until I fucking spill and I destroy something again.

I miss my violent dreams... please, let me go lucid again I need to have control over something, my life is a lost cause. I want to. Do horrid things to non existent people in my dreams. I want to kill that one son of a fucking whore again. He fucking violated me and ripped me off. Stepping on shit isn't bad enough. I want him to fucking suffer. And I want to fucking destroy him over and over and over and over again. Bc I cannot. forgive. what he did to me. Can I just please have my vengence even in my crimson dripping dreams because I know I can't do shit in real life even if I did snap and go berserk on people.

I'm so sick of being weak and powerless and small and useless.

Non-threat and well meaning, always trying to help.

Just to get used and used and used and used and used again and again and again and again.

Nothing seems to make me feel better anymore, nothing makes the feeling go away. Nothing is satisfying.

I can't even sleep like a normal person.

I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with me or how to fix it but I kind of don't want to and it seems there is so much wrong and broken, I'm like some infinite source of bad energy, I poison everything around me.

I have drug induced moments of 'not-being all of the above' but I dunno how I can fight it on my own. Being full of depressed rage is kind of all I know. All I can remember. Like an abusive home, but it's still home. I wish I could wipe my memory clean and try to make it better. I miss the days I was sick, back then I had a reason to fight. Now I kinda don't. I'm getting screwed over by the system that was supposed to help me. And I'm too stupid to find another way out of this myself. I wish I could. Wish I had a working brain and wasn't so god damn tired all the time. If I was smart I would use all this time to advance the progress on things I used to care about. It's been years and I still can't figure out what caused this. That nothing interests me anymore. That I don't care anymore. Eveything just sucks. And I should die.

Idk. I wish I had fucking drugssssss (and before you call me an addict, you can't assume that bc you dunno everything) it's the only thing that has helped me and I can't get any and what the fuck, how the fuck, I can't fucking cope with this. I feel like this is slipping back to what it was before, just all suicide suicide suicide in my mind, all the time. Alcohol and sleeping pills bc I can't sleep. I can't sleep again, the insomnia makes it so much worse and the pills don't work. I just want to sleep, I'm so tired all the time. I'm so tired please end me

[alirhi]

10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends

Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.

Putting it under here for easy scrolling:

10: Chase Collins

Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.

9 Jack Benjamin

Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.

8 Chris (Destroyer)

On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.

7 Ben

Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)

6 Mickey Henry

I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.

5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"

Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb

4 Bucky

I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.

3 Chris Beck

Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!

2 TJ Hammond

Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!

So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:

1 Will Franklyn

And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰

[incarnateirony]

*rubs eyes* As if the last few days weren't emotionally exhausting enough, the whole Tulsi thing got brought back up to me in DM and actually clarified later in who posted which copies on which instagrams tonight WRT the UFC event. And I kind of wish it hadn't been, because this is another

Beyond Jared's story, the images related were posted on two timelines: thebigpygmy (the professional mma fighter jared was hanging out with) and suckerpunchent (the premiere marketing & talent handling of mma and ufc).

Suckerpunchent posted The Cursed Image with,

And Big Pygmy also chimed in,

But this is also the day that Tulsi got her weird UFC backdrop red carpet moment where she started waxing poetic about Joe Rogan to defend him.

So --

[sighs tiredly in Gen interview about Jared convincing her to listen to Joe Rogan]

And UFC is owned by Endeavor, not CBS, so nobody can cry that CBS put a gun to his head to make poor Jared pose for the PR. Endeavor is another form of WME, the talent rep group... but also not Jared's, he's UTC. So no, his agency didn't force him to do it either.

Just kinda. Putting it on file, really.

I'm sure the usual J1ers will attack this post, aggressively miss the point on purpose, compare it to the fact that Jensen's talked to or done some vague business with a trumper at one point instead of living in a fictional bubble where the only people he's breathed in the vicinity of could be democrats, and then try to bang on that religiously as a distraction, acting unable to tell the difference between engaging directly in the image shaping of a well known russian operative putin puppet in the us government being given red carpet treatment to endorse misinformation in the US.

"Well... JENSEN sold that republican voting guy's wine! And there was a taco truck from someone related to someone, before." and they'll pat themselves on the back and be like. "well done. We've convinced ourselves we've successfully torn someone else down publicly in direct response to someone simply documenting the behavior of someone willfully assisting in the image repair of several people DIRECTLY destroying democracy rather than having a different general opinion, one of which is currently accusing Ukraine of [checks notes] daring to exist, so Russia attacking it was its own damn fault."

I mean, to the surprise of nobody who's heard a single thing Tulsi has done for the last 4 years. Bc like. If you opened social media at ALL beyond Rogan's bubble for US politics you'd have been hit by a wall of "proof Tulsi is a putin operative" like diapers pouring out of the walls in spongebob

But I mean, they can't really build him up, they can't answer these things. So it'll become deranged swings at Jensen or Misha about things generally both 1) made up/wildly decontextualized and 2) having absolutely no fucking relevance to the conversation. Like the effort is always "let me try to convince myself you're hypocrites by throwing unrelated, made up, decontextualized garbage at the wall, and just saying you stan trash, so me stanning trash is ok". Like. That's always the core of their method. They just. Like living in trash, and try to tear everything down into their garbage, even when it doesn't belong there.

Hell, one tried to come at me today "well BOBO likes Tulsi." fuck? Did I miss that? Cuz I'd say fuck him too, but that doesn't seem like his politics, I'll search. Hm. Gay man jokes she's hot. Gay man makes joke about her hair streaks. Berens talks about her candidacy being over. "It's not turning up in the search function, can you tell me where? All I'm finding is Rogue jokes and Kamala eating her." crickets. Oh. weird. So that was just. Trying to tear someone down. Did you. Just. Think I wouldn't check and hold him accountable too, if he had suddenly gone insane and broken his political stances he's had since 2003 at least? Shit, man. Nah, that's only yall that do that shit.

Just.

I'm going to FUCKING sleep.

[headinthestaticsky]

Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 10

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

"Having you close My head is damaged I get closer, everything trembles me

Now I have the certainty That I have not lost the desire Wake up with you in the morning But I'm looking for your gaze And your eyes, baby, don't tell me anything."

Nuestro Planeta by, Kali Uchis Featuring Reykon. Translated lyrics.

Jasper, Jacob, and I were all standing in a large field awaiting the arrival of Bella and Edward. The very field we were standing in would be the battleground between us and the newborn army.

"Hey, le... Fleur?" Jacob asked."

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't your diluted eyes at all? They still look like a rose." Jacob observed.

"I mean it hasn't been a full year yet."

"Yes, darling but... they should've at least diluted a little by now, amber should start to peak through." Jasper added.

"That's strange...I haven't had any human blood I swear."

"Yeah right..." I heard Jacob mumble.

"Oh shove it, Jacob, at least I'm not in the middle of a toxic, manipulative, love triangle."

"Can it leech. You know nothing about Bella."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Before Jacob could rebuttal, Edward and Bella finally showed up. Edward didn't look thrilled at all and Bella had a blank look on her face.

"I don't like this idea at all." Edward grumbled.

"And we need you for the fight but you aren't coming to that so...tough, get over it." I rebutted.

"Leave him alone Fleur...he's doing it for me. Bet Jasper hasn't done that for you." Bella said a dreamy look was in her eyes.

"Uh...he didn't have to, because I didn't cause chaos where ever I went and didn't piss off nomads you dumbass." I heard Jasper let out a short laugh.

"Wait, pretty boy isn't fighting, aww did you pull a muscle?" Jacob mocked.

"Can we get on with this... I wanna be anywhere but here." I interrupted.

"Whatever, just tell me the plan." Jacob said.

"Edward and I are going on a campsite, even if he carries me they’ll still pick up our scents." Bella explained.

"Your stench, however, is revolting." Edward interrupted

"Dude, you really don’t wanna start comparing stinks." Jacob snapped

"What he means is that your scent will mask mine if you carry me," Bella said.

"Done."

"This is not a good idea."

"You've already established that Edward," I said.

"Edward, they won’t wanna get anywhere near his... odor." Jasper carefully.

Jacob picked Bella up before saying... "Odor-de-wolf comin’ up."

Edward glared at me when Jacob was gone. Jasper noticed this and tensed up.

"You need to stop talking to her like that!"

"Like what? Truthfully, honestly?"

"It's not truthful it's insulting!"

"Dude...have you been living without any of your senses? The amount of shit she has said and done to me is a lot more disgraceful than how I am acting. Like I am petty, I know I am, but her pretending to be all innocent is hilarious."

"Oh please..."

"Okay so when she insults me and brings up that my mother completely hates my guts it's fine but when I rebuttal it's like I'm opening the gates of hell huh?"

"You don't know anything about her... she isn't malicious!"

"You sound just like Jacob."

"Don't even compare me to that...fleabag."

"What are you gonna do about?" I said he then got up close to my face, he looked like he was going to hit me.

"Don't test me Fleur... I will put you in your place if I have to."

"I'd love to see you try...boy." Jasper said getting between the two of us.

Edward snarled at us and walked away, stalking off to the far side of the field.

"Man... being a vampire has definitely amped up my attitude. Good thing you're here to stop me from doing something stupid." I joked.

"I think you're spending too much time with Rosalie darlin." Jasper said, smiling at me.

"This whole love triangle thing makes me want to set myself on fire. I kinda feel bad for Jacob...I know she's just manipulating him."

"I wouldn't put it past her darlin."

"I really wish we didn't have to do any of this...we should be getting married right now... not fighting a battle they could possibly be getting us killed." I confessed.

"Well one, we just have to wait until November... and two we will be fine, we've been training all this time."

"I know but...it's still a terrifying thought, this is the first fight I've ever been with another vampire."

"Did you forget about James love?"

"Well... with me as a vampire."

"You're going to be fine... Alice told me the vision she had of you fighting James, you cracked his skin by throwing a rock.... if you're that strong as a human I'm scared to see what you can do as a vampire."

"Okay, okay... stop trying to boost my ego." I said smirking, I pulled him in using some of my strength. I kissed him before pulling apart, biting his lip to tease him."

"You're cruel darlin, just cruel... Oh forgot to say something..."

"What is it?"

"Bella and Edward got engaged."

"Oh my god... are you serious?"

"Yeah, and Alice said they planned on eloping in Vegas."

"She must be really angry with those two..."

"Actually, she isn't really that mad."

"Okay, what happened to Alice?"

"I think she's starting to get a little... annoyed with Bella."

"It was bound to happen... Dad is going to kill Edward."

Edward ran toward us again and told us to be quiet. Before I could ask why Bella and Jacob came back into view.

"Well Jasper and I will do a quick sniff check... you three can stay here and.... mingle." Before they could protest we took off into the woods.

"The stench is revolting."

"It is pretty bad."

"I can't make up any Bella though, so the plan worked."

We quickly ran back down to the field, both of us had stepped down off of a broken tree laying on the ground.

"Just picked up wolf stench, no Bella." Jasper stated

Timeskip: 2 hours later

I was waiting for Alice in the Cullen's house, knowing that Alice told dad we were all going on a camping trip. I thought it would be good if we all hunted before the battle to power up. I needed all the strength I could get.

"I swear if Bella and Edward do anything in our room I am going to kick Edward to the moon." I grumbled.

"Don't worry Fleur...I'm sure Edward won't do anything." Jasper reassured, a guilty look was on his face, however.

"You threatened him didn't you?" Not buying his innocent act.

"Yes, yes I did."

"Alright everyone, we can go!" I heard Alice say outside, Dean, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, and I all made our way outside quickly.

Timeskip: 6 hours later

"Damn Emmett, at this point you're going to put bears into extinction."

"Serves them right short stack."

"Dude I am 5'9, that's pretty tall for a girl."

"But pretty short for someone who's 6'5."

"Oh shut it and hit your head in the doorway again."

"Darlin, if he keeps doing that the support beams are going to give out in the house." Jasper added.

"Nah they'll be fine, he's as tall as a support beam." I joked.

"Can't wait to kick some newborn-vampire ass," Dean said, jumping up slightly in excitement. Alice giggled and wrapped her arms around him

"Are the newborns still making their way to the field Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, they should be here at 5:15 pm tomorrow."

"We'll be ready," Carlisle said.

"You guys go ahead in, I need some quiet. I'm going to try and track Victoria."

They all nodded and went inside, I saw them all however observing me through the glass walls."

I got into my trance, rolling my eyes behind my head and I was flying through the city once again. I stopped in an underground tunnel, the likes of which was located in Seattle. I finally found her, she was talking with that man that turned me... the name I finally found out to be Riley Biers.

"You’re not coming with us?" He asked angrily.

"It’ll be a last-minute decision. I told you how it works." Victoria replied she seemed bored.

"The Cullen’s have powers according to one of your friends," Riley said skeptically.

"Yes, my friend told me... my DEAD friend. Don’t underestimate them, Riley. One of them made me have hallucinations of my friend. You’ll have the numbers, but they’ll be able to anticipate your every move. You don’t trust me do you?"

"I trust you with my life. I’m just saying…"

"I’m doing this for us so that we can feed without their…retaliation and I can’t live in fear anymore waiting for them to attack."

"I won’t let them. I’m going to end the Cullen clan. I swear."

I broke out of my trance before I could get anything else out of the conversation. I rushed inside, eager to tell them what I found.

"It was Victoria guys!" I said.

"What? I would've seen it." Alice replied.

"She was hiding behind that kid, Riley... She's letting him lead the army to us..."

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

[possiamo-andare]

Liar: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

(gif made by @rudypankows )

MASTERLIST

word count: over 9k (haha)

a/n: this is very angsty and I barely edited because it's so long. I'm so sorry in advance, the ending kinda sucks. I hope y'all like it tho!

description: this is a one part imagine, involving JJ and the reader (y/n). The reader and JJ meet at a beach party one night and start sleeping with eachother, but only staying friends. Soon, they fall for eachother and a sexual relationship turns into a romantic one. But JJ is hiding something and once it is revealed, will they ever be the same?

~

You rarely lied. As a kid, you would get hives when you lied to someone; your guilty conscience affecting your body. Lying was typically a very hard thing for you to do. It meant you were betraying someone's trust, and since you couldn't bear upsetting anyone, you couldn't lie. It got you in trouble all the time but your inability to lie was also your greatest strength. People appreciate your honesty and found your personality magnetic.

With that being said, you lied that night and it didn't even hurt you. 

He had looked so good, you told yourself that. That was the problem. He had just looked so damn good that night at the beach almost anyone would lie to themselves to get him. Even just a taste.

You wanted to ignore him at first. Maybe if you didn't care enough, he wouldn't notice you. Because, god, if he noticed you, then he'd come over and then you couldn't promise anything. So, you averted your gaze and instead paid attention to Kie as she spoke, telling you about the newest charity she was saving money to donate to. You had, once in a while, glanced his way but he had always been looking somewhere else so you thought that he hadn't noticed your stares. Until, you had accidentally looked his way when he was watching you. You knew it was an honest mistake and something that eventually would've happened since you were looking so often, but you were embarrassed nonetheless. You were trying to convince yourself he didn't even notice you when he walked your way. You felt his eyes burning into you and you mustered every ounce of self control you had and didn't look at him as he walked closer and closer to you and Kie.

When he finally approached, he spoke to Kie first. "Hey Kie." His eyes drifted towards you again, this time a smirk evident on his face. Him watching you made you shift uncomfortably. You knew he was taking you all in.

Kie smiled at him and briefly hugged him. Then she looked at you, a nervous smile on your face, as she introduced you. "This is my friend Y/N. Y/N, this is JJ."

You nodded towards JJ. "Hi." That name sounded familiar but you couldn't quite remember. You went to the same school as Kie, you being a Pogue but getting a scholarship to the academy. You were an intelligent individual but you knew, when it came to boys, you were just about the dumbest person in the world. You'd probably sell your left kidney just for a kiss with this boy you had never met before. It was dumb, but you were a teenager and hopefully would grow out of it.

"Hey, nice to meet you." He extended his hand for you to shake.

You looked down at it and shook it, electricity coursing through your veins.

"What's your last name?" 

JJ smirked, sizing you up once more. "Maybank."

JJ Maybank. You had heard about JJ and the things you heard didn't necessarily put a good taste in your mouth. But who were you to judge? Besides he was hot, and you doubted he would ever go for you. This was a harmless feeling.

Except it wasn't. One second, you were talking to JJ about surfing and the next second he was asking if you'd like to come back to his place. It had all happened so fast you were sure you had misunderstood him when he spoke. But then he asked you again and you were surprised. What surprised you even more was that you said yes. 

"This is a one time thing." You lied to JJ, untying your shoes at his doorway. 

He removed his shirt, pushing his hair out of his face. "Okay." He was smirking at you as you undressed, almost as if he didn't believe what you said. 

You believed yourself that night, but soon came to realize that was so far from the truth. That one night had been amazing and you had thought that would be it. But it was not that easy. It never was with JJ. Before you knew it, only a week later, you saw him again. This time with a brunette leaning against him.

You had been invited by Kie again to meet John B. and Pope. You had gladly decided to come, partly because you wanted to meet Kie's other friends and also because you knew JJ would be there. But you hadn't expected him to be kissing someone else. Although you wanted it to be you, you knew that wasn't possible. Besides, why did you care? You were not gonna let some blonde Pogue mess with you. It was one night. It was amazing, but you had told him never again. 

Then, it happened again. You were talking to John B. about helping him fix his car when, out of nowhere, JJ entered the conversation. He stood beside you and barely spoke but you felt his presence and that was enough. Once you and him were alone again, the conversation was short.

"Hey." He stated, matter-of-factly.

"Hi." You replied, pushing the hair out of your face.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." JJ smirked, taking a few steps closer to you. You remembered how harshly you swallowed. Boys like JJ rarely made you nervous.

"Well I am." You said defensively. You weren't about to let this boy play you. "Sorry I interrupted your fun with the brunette. What's her name?"

JJ chuckled. "Lacey. And you ruined nothing. To be honest, I wish it was you."

And then, that was it. Again, for the second time, you were in JJ's bed. Your clothes had been torn off before your body had even hit the bed. Shortly after JJ's were too. You barely had time to think, let alone speak but you managed to in between kisses.

"This is the last time." You smirked, both of you now knowing you were lying. 

You wished you weren't lying that night. You wished you hadn't slept with JJ again. Maybe, you thought, everything that happened after would've been easier.

After that second night, you and JJ started a relationship. He wasn't your boyfriend, he made that clear to you. You hadn't really wanted him to be anyways. You had just gotten out of a long term relationship and didn't want your heart broken. You chose the wrong guy again because JJ loved breaking hearts. He did it for fun.

The rules were simple. You'd only call each other at night and you would leave right after. No real conversations, no love, just sex. And for a month, that was easy enough. You needed him during that month as much as he needed you. You weren't looking for something serious, just to fool around. You were sick and tired of commitment and heartbreak and just wanted to relax and have fun. JJ never had commitments and enjoyed the company. He hadn't had a girlfriend in ages and there was rarely a girl who wanted this kind of relationship. He was really happy to know that you were that type of girl. And he believed that as long as you continued to be that type of girl, this could go on forever. 

Except it didn't. 

You weren't really sure when everything changed but if you had to guess, you'd say it was the night he climbed through your bedroom window. 

Your parents were out on a date night when you heard tapping on your window. At first you thought it was the tree outside your room but when it persisted, you decided to look for yourself. That's where you found JJ, leaning against your window sill. In a moment of shock, you opened the window and pulled him through. You were so shocked to see him mostly because the rules had been that if he wanted to have sex, he had to call you first. You had just been on your phone and since you hadn't gotten a call or text, you wondered why he was here in the first place. You were so shocked to see him here you almost didn't see his face. But once you did, you couldn't look away.

As he took a seat on the edge of your bed, you gasped. Not only was his face covered in blood and open wounds, he clutched his right side, as if he had broken a rib. You didn't hate blood, you hated the smell. To you, blood smelled like old iron and it made you nauseous. You probably would've become a doctor if it wasn't for the fact that the smell of blood made you nauseous. Maybe it was all the adrenaline of seeing JJ outside your window or the fact that he was badly beaten up, but you didn't feel nauseous when you smelled the blood coming off him. Your mind was too busy to remember to be nauseous. 

You went to sit beside him, your hand coming to touch his face. "JJ..." The second your hand touched his cheek, he winced and pulled away.

"My dad got drunk." JJ stated, looking at his feet. He was clearly embarrassed and when you didn't speak, he continued. "I didn't know where to go. John B. is with Sarah and I don't wanna bother Pope or Kie."

You nodded. "I'm gonna get you cleaned up."

You knew JJ's dad was a deadbeat father. Everyone in OBX did. When he wasn't gambling, he was getting piss drunk in his home. A lot of people believed that JJ would bear the brunt of his father's alcoholism but you didn't want to believe it. You didn't want to believe that a father hurt his only child. Your parents weren't the best, being Pogues they rarely parented and you were frequently left to your own devices, but they never laid a finger on you. You didn't want to believe someone as seemingly happy as JJ would be suffering from physical abuse behind closed doors. Now, you knew it to be true.

You wanted to cry for JJ. But you stayed strong and fixed him the best you could. You got some disinfectant and a cloth, with tons and tons of bandages and got to work. First, you washed his face. As the water cleansed his face, your sink started to look like a crime scene. The amount of blood that went down the drain almost made you think that people's water was gonna start to taste like iron. Once his face was washed, you realized that there were only really two big gashes on his face. One, right over his cheek and the other on his forehead. With some disinfectant and bandages, you knew it would heal in a couple of weeks. As for JJ, you didn't know if he would heal.

"This is gonna hurt." You said as you held the cloth you soaked in disinfectant. JJ was sitting on the edge of your bathtub as you spoke to him. 

He nodded. "Got any liquor?"

You smiled, shaking your head. "Sorry."

JJ sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's whatever."

And with that, you started to disinfect his wounds. At first, he was wincing but the more you cleaned, the less he did. Finally, when the two wounds on his face were clean, you put three bandages on each wound. Then, you moved onto his side, where he was clutching it tenderly. You knew that this was way out of your area of expertise but you wanted to help the best you could. And you knew JJ would never agree to go to a hospital. 

"You gotta take off your shirt." You stated, pointing to the bloody shirt he still was wearing.

JJ smirked, looking down. "You want me right now?"

You couldn't help but smile. Even in this state, he could make you laugh. How was he so strong? "No. I need to see if you're hurt anywhere else."

JJ nodded, still smirking as he lifted his shirt over his head. "Anything to see me naked."

You were about to counter with a snarky remark, but you never got the chance. Your breath was caught in your throat when you saw what was underneath JJ's shirt. Where he was clutching his side, was a large purple bruise that expanded through his entire side. It was horrendous and you knew it would turn black before it started to heal but that wasn't even the worst of it. There were smaller bruises all over his stomach and back. They were small but you could tell they were large before and were just starting to heal. You wondered how you didn't see them before. It was dark when you were together but it couldn't have been that dark. Granted, you weren't really looking out to see if there was bruising but you couldn't believe that you had missed these before.

You were silent for minutes and finally, JJ spoke. "I never wanted you to see them. That's why I want to only see you at night."

You looked to JJ's face, his expression unreadable. Although he was expressionless, you were not. Your face was in a deep frown and there were tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to spill over any moment. You wanted to speak, but you didn't know what you could say. What was there to say?

Finally, you found your voice. "JJ..." Your voice was weak and soft, filled with emotion. You reached for his hand but when he realized you were about to cry, he pulled away.

"No," he said defiantly. "Don't get emotional. I'm fine." He was acting so strong. Why?

You nodded, blinking back tears. You refused to cry. "I'll get you some ice. Go lay on my bed."

You barely looked at JJ in the face as you left the bathroom to go get ice. This was too much for you, and it seemed like another normal Saturday night for JJ. You couldn't decide whether to feel so bad for him or angry that he wasn't letting you cry. You knew he was holding back tears, just like you, but he resented that you wanted to cry. You knew you weren't strong like JJ. All this time, all those beatings, and you would've cracked. You would've ran away or worse, but JJ kept going back. That night, your opinion of JJ changed. 

The rest of the night consisted of you icing JJ's side and not speaking. You tried to get him to talk but he refused. You started with asking him about why his dad was doing this and for how long but he wouldn't answer you. Then you asked what had happened this time but he didn't want to talk about it. He complained he was tired and just wanted to sleep. You knew this was breaking a rule, but you cuddled beside him, laying your head in his chest to hear his heartbeat. He seemed way more calm when you were beside him.

Finally, after an hour of trying to get him to talk, you spoke for the last time. "Why'd you come to me?"

JJ shrugged one of his shoulders, the other one not moving because it was under your body. "I trust you."

You were shocked but too tired to say anything. You just laid there with him, hoping that you helped take some of the pain away. You hoped you had made some type of difference but you knew that with JJ, you were never sure.

After that night, things were different. JJ started calling you less and less and when you called him, he started making up more excuses. Sometimes you both went a week without speaking to each other and then he blamed it on how busy he was. You rarely hooked up, and when you did, it felt different. There was way more kissing and the kissing was more passionate and longer. Before, you had raced to take your clothes off and now, you let JJ make the first move. You felt different and at first, you thought it was because you felt closer to JJ. He had come to you in a time of need and you now were considered friends. That's why you thought it felt different. But then, JJ started acting very differently and you knew it wasn't just you. He would stay with you afterwards. He used to get dressed before you had time to catch your breath but now, he lingered on your bed and near you. You knew he wanted to stay the night but didn't know how to ask. And you were scared to tell him to stay. You didn't want to scare him. 

JJ was not the relationship type of guy but that's basically what you were. You had stopped sleeping with anyone else entirely after that night and focused solely on thinking of JJ. You knew what a crush felt like and you knew that you were developing feelings for JJ. But, it was so hard for you to know if he felt the same way. Sometimes, you were sure he felt the same way. There were days where he couldn't keep his hands off you and was so passionate you couldn't stop smiling. Then there were other days where he wouldn't text you back and didn't answer your calls. You weren't sure if he was sleeping with other girls but you didn't want to ask. If he was, you knew it would hurt you. 

Three days before the incident, JJ was having one of those days where he wasn't talking to you. You had texted him to ask him if he was going to Kie's party tonight but he only read it and didn't respond. You had just seen each other the night before and he was so loving and passionate that you thought for sure he felt the same. He had even stayed to cuddle afterward and talk to you about his day. You were smiling and laughing with each other and you were starting to feel like a real couple. Now, he wasn't responding to a simple question you asked. You felt so defeated. You couldn't tell what he was feeling and you felt like you were being strung along. You wanted to sit down and talk to him but you knew JJ and he didn't like that type of stuff. For JJ to even say he was happy was a lot since he rarely talked about his emotions. 

That day, you felt used. You knew he was playing you. You convinced yourself, in that moment, that if he likes you he would've already told you. You convinced yourself he didn't like you. You told yourself, if he came to Kie's party, you would ignore him all night and talk to some other guy. There was no reason to wait around for someone who didn't appreciate you. 

So, as you got ready for Kie's party, you turned off your phone. If he was gonna try to call or text you, you would make sure you couldn't see it. It would be way too tempting to keep your phone open. As you buttoned your shorts, you continued to tell yourself that this was for your own good. There's no point in being with someone who couldn't even decide if they liked you or not.

When you got to Kie's party, you instantly looked for alcohol. If you wanted to distract yourself, alcohol was your best option right now. You were halfway done with your second cup when Kie found you. 

"Hey honey." She said, slowly taking the drink out of your hands. You fought her grasp for a second but when she started to glare at you, you let the cup go.

You plastered on a fake smile. "Hi Kie."

She threw out the remainder of your drink before hugging you tightly. "You're gonna need to be sober tonight."

You frowned, your brain already a bit foggy. "Why?"

Kie let go of you, glancing at the beach for a moment before looking back at you. "Rafe is here." 

You wanted to gasp, but it came out more as a hiccup. Unfortunately, Rafe was your ex. You were together for a year before he cheated on you with someone else. You and Rafe had many great memories together but they were all tainted by the fact that he had cheated on you. Kie had told you from the beginning that a Pogue and a Kook dating was not a good idea but you were dumb and did it anyways. The good thing about Kie is that she never said I told you so. She just hugged you until you stopped crying. Now, you had to face Rafe for the first time since you broke up months ago. 

Surprisingly, you reacted normally. You shrugged, looking behind you to John B., who was handling the keg. "JB! Can ya get me another cup?"

John B. looked over to Kie, who was glaring at him. John B. knew not to mess with Kie. He then looked back to you and shook his head. "Sorry."

You frowned, glaring at Kie. "Seriously?"

Kie just smirked. "You need to be on your best behavior."

You shrugged, a devilish idea popping onto your mind. "I will."

Kie frowned. "I know that look."

You smiled, the idea in your head about to turn into a reality. "Step aside."

Kie shook her head but you were quick to push her away and walk ahead of her, straight in the direction of Rafe. Kie followed behind you, pleading for you not to talk to him. You had never resolved your problems with Rafe and you knew that was something he wanted to do. So, in an effort to get a rise out of JJ, you were gonna talk to Rafe. You knew he was somewhere at this party and if he saw you and his nemesis speaking again, you hoped he would cause a scene. It was a shitty thing to do but it was the only way to know how JJ truly felt about you.

Once you got closer to the ocean, you spotted Rafe. He was sipping on a red cup, probably filled with beer, as he talked to Topper. When he saw you, he almost spit out his drink. You locked eyes for a moment before Kie stepped in front of you, blocking your view of him. 

"No way. He cheated Y/N." Kie said, grabbing a hold of your hand.

You nodded. "I know."

Kie had a confused look on her face. "Then why talk to him?"

You looked over her shoulder and started to watch as Rafe made his way over to you. "Because of JJ."

Kie looked even more confused for a moment but then caught on. She had only suspected that there was something going on between the two of you but had no proof. Your omission right there was enough proof.

"Don't do this." Kie argued again, trying to convince you that this entire situation was a bad idea. She had seen what a jealous JJ was capable of and she knew if he felt even some feelings for you, this would not end well.

"If JJ can't admit his feelings towards me, I'll just talk to someone you will." You said to Kie, finally looking away from her one last time. 

Right behind Kie stood Rafe. The red cup in his hand before was now gone and he was smiling at you. He had come tonight knowing you'd probably be here. He knew he had made a mistake and was willing to fix it between the two of you. You were always such a good girlfriend and he missed hanging out with you. He hoped you were open to fixing things too.

"Hey." Rafe said, causing Kie to turn around. She took one look at Rafe and rolled her eyes before looking back at you. You smiled at her and she sighed, walking away. Kie was done. If this is what you wanted, there was no way to stop you.

"Hi Rafe." You giggled, twirling your hair around your finger. You needed to be extra flirty with Rafe. The more you acted like you still liked him, you hoped the more upset JJ would be.

"I wanted to talk to you. I hoped we could talk about what happened." He said, stepping closer to you.

You nodded, holding back a gag. Truth be told, there was nothing on this earth that could make you like Rafe again. "Sure."

"I just wanna say how fucking sorry I am." Rafe began, grabbing your hand. You wanted to flinch but you didn't. "I was such a fool and I realize that now. I want you back Y/N."

You smiled, pretending to be happy with what he was saying. To be honest, you wanted to gag. The boy had cheated on you for half of your relationship with a girl that, as far as you knew, he was still seeing. There was no way in hell you would ever take him back. He didn't have to know that. You felt like it was justice now. Maybe Rafe was getting what he deserved.

Before you could speak and tell Rafe you were willing to give him a chance, you felt two hands on your arm. The hands grabbed where Rafe was holding your arm and ripped you both away. You recognized the person immediately. It was JJ, and he was fuming. He barely even looked at you as he made his way to stand in front of you, standing in between you and Rafe.

JJ turned to you, his brows furrowed and his jaw set. "What the hell are you doing?"

You rolled your eyes. "Just talking to Rafe."

Rafe moved from behind JJ to beside him. He grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulder and tried to move him. JJ didn't budge, still glaring at you. You knew it was working. Finally, you had some type of answer. JJ had unresolved feelings for you. Now, he just had to admit it.

"Why?" JJ questioned, glaring at Rafe for a moment before looking to you again. Although he was mad, you could tell his expression softened when he looked at you.

Before you could speak, Rafe grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulders and pushed him away from me. Then, Rafe spoke. "We're trying to work shit out."

JJ moved out of the way but only enough for Rafe to squeeze forward. You kept your eyes on JJ, who was now beyond confused. Rafe was speaking to you again but you tuned him out and watched as JJ tried to figure out why the hell you would want to work things out with Rafe. Finally, it seemed to click. When it did, JJ grabbed your hand and pulled you away from Rafe. Your hand felt as if it was on fire and you wanted to smile so badly but you kept the frown on your face. Rafe tried to follow you but JJ stood in front of him so your eyes were only on JJ's now.

As you looked into his eyes, he grabbed a hold of your shoulders and brought you close to him. "If you want to know how I feel, just ask me."

Rafe spoke up now. "What the fuck are you -"

"Rafe!" You spoke up, glaring at Rafe for a moment. You tore your gaze away from JJ for a moment only to finally give Rafe a piece of your mind. "I'd only get back together with you if we were the last two people on earth, and maybe not even then."

Rafe was taken aback. He had definitely not thought you were going to act so rude but you could care less. "JJ..." Rafe began to say but JJ ignored him. You didn't know why Rafe was so confused by JJ's reaction but you didn't care. JJ was about to tell you how he felt and that was all that mattered.

There was nothing for Rafe to say to make you like him and he knew it. So, with that, he turned and left. Finally, your eyes were back on JJ. 

"You have to tell me." You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

JJ smirked, cupping your face in his hands. "You have to ask me."

You rolled your eyes. "How do you feel?"

JJ smiled this time, pulling you closer. "I like you Y/N. A lot."

You smiled back, wanting to scream for joy. Finally, there was no more confusion. "I like you too. A lot."

Finally, the two of you kissed. There was no more confusion or lies. It was just you and JJ, kissing. This kiss was different. It was full of promises. You liked each other, for real now, and you were not afraid to admit it. This is what it felt like to kiss someone you liked you, wholeheartedly. Someone who wanted you. Someone who cared. It had been so long since you had kissed someone who had cared about you.

That weekend before the incident, was probably the best weekend of your life. It was just you and JJ the entire weekend. The first two days were spent at your house. You just stayed together, half naked, talking and laughing and watching tv. There was no drama or confusion. It was just you and him. The kisses felt so real. The feelings felt so good. You felt a little more whole. You felt as though JJ felt the same. Those two days at your house were not only passionate but they were also a time where you got to know one another. This entire time, the both of you didn't know much about each other. Those two days in your house were spent getting to know each other. You learned that JJ loved fixing cars and wanted to own a hot tub one day. You knew his favourite colour and his favourite sport. And finally he opened up about his dad. When the abuse began, when it got worse and even what instigated his father that night he came to your house. You didn't cry and neither did he. You just soaked in his words and let him say his peace before comforting. JJ had opened up to you more in those two days than he had since he met you. You knew why. It was because you finally were a couple and he finally could be honest with someone. To JJ, it was the best feeling in the world. But, even as he spoke to you, he knew he was lying between his teeth.

The third day, you both had been at JJ's house. His dad had gone south for the weekend to gamble so you and JJ decided to get some fresh air and stay in his backyard for the day. There was only one lawn chair in his backyard but you both made it work. JJ sat down on it as you sat on his lap and cuddled onto him. For a couple of hours, you just laid there with him, talking at different times about everything. You felt so free now and you believed JJ felt the same. You knew it was because everything was out in the open. Everything had been said and anything that hadn't was still being developed. Even if it was just you and JJ laying on a chair, you still felt excited. You were with JJ and not scared anymore. You knew how he felt and it just felt so good to be wanted. It had felt like it had been a lifetime since you felt wanted.

When the sun finally set, you knew you had to say goodbye. Your parents were probably worried for you and JJ's dad would be back the next morning. The weekend was coming to an end and you were so upset. You and JJ had been in this bubble the entire weekend and you didn't want to break it. It was so hard to say goodbye. It took you and JJ ten minutes to say goodbye. You made plans to see each other tomorrow but it still felt like such a long time. You stood on JJ's front lawn for ten minutes, kissing and hugging each other until you were the first to pull away. You knew if you didn't get home soon, your parents would ground you.

"I gotta go." You whined as JJ kissed you again. 

He wasn't letting you go. "No."

You pried away from his grip. You didn't want to leave. Being with JJ always made you feel better, even more so now. "I gotta. I'll see you tomorrow."

Finally, JJ lets you leave. With one last kiss, you turn away from him and walk away. As you walk down JJ's block, there's an evident smile on your face. You probably look like a crazy woman to the neighbours but you could care less. It had been a long road, through so much confusion, but you finally were with JJ.

You thought back to the time when you first met JJ. You had promised him it was a one time thing and you knew it was a lie. It felt like years ago when you first met him when in reality, it had only been a couple of months. You pictured his face the first time you met him. He had the devilish smirk on his face and his pupils were dilated. You remembered how you felt, and it didn't compare to how you felt now. You had never felt this strong about someone in ages and it felt so good to be appreciated. You had known that night, whether you'd admit it or not, that JJ was going to change your life. You had texted Kie that night and told her -

Your phone. 

As you made your way onto the steps of your house, you remembered you forgot your phone at JJ's house. Dammit. You sighed and opened your front door, hoping your parents would let you go back quickly to get it.

Thankfully, your parents were sitting in your living room when you entered your house. They greeted you quietly but you told them you can't stay because they remembered you forgot your phone at Kie's house. You had told them you were at Kie's house and of course, they believed you. Your dad warned you to be quick and soon and you promised that you would. You were out the door and down your steps before your parents had time to warn you again. 

Although it was inconvenient to walk all the way back to JJ's house, you couldn't help but smile. Not only would it be a cute surprise but you also wanted to see JJ again. You had missed him already. 

You raced back to JJ's house and made it in ten minutes, cutting your travel time in half. You were desperate to see him again, even if it was only for five minutes. Your excitement died down once you saw JJ's house. 

The first thing you noticed that was out of place was that there was a BMW in JJ's driveway. JJ didn't have a car, let alone a BMW. That was something a Kook had. You looked at the license plate and it seemed familiar but you couldn't place it. As you passed the car, you slowed down. Something about this car made your body go cold, even on a hot summer night like this. Your gut was telling you something, but you didn't want to believe it. 

You somehow knew that you had to be quiet. As you made your way up the steps of JJ's house, you tiptoed towards the door. The closer you got, the more you realized that the door was slightly open, a glimmer of light from the house spilling into the darkness of night. You leaned forward, peeking through the slightly ajar door, hoping to get a glimpse of what was going on.

"Don't!" You heard JJ yell, his figure coming into the limited space you could see. He was yelling at someone that you couldn't see.

"Why? Because you know she'll hate you?" The voice made you gasp softly. You knew who it was. It was Rafe. It was Rafe's car that was in the driveway. Why was he here? And who were they talking about?

"Shut your fucking mouth!" JJ seethed, grabbing ahold of Rafe's collar and finally pulling him into your eyesight. 

Rafe pushed JJ off of him, shoving him into the wall. You wanted to scream but you knew if you did, you'd never find out what they were talking about. "If you don't tell her, I will."

JJ looked so defeated. You wanted to reach out to him. "Please don't. I love her."

You knew who they were talking about now. It was you. JJ had done something only Rafe knew about. It was something he knew you'd hate him for. What could he have done?

Rafe played with his keys in his hand. "I paid you to go out with her only for you to break her heart. So she'd come back to me. What was so fucking hard about that? Not my fault you love her. I want my money back."

Rafe paid him? No. You couldn't believe it. Wouldn't. Everything felt so real. JJ's feelings felt real. You knew it was too good to be true. Even before he approached you for the first time, you had a feeling he would never like you. When he showed interest, you were surprised. When he approached you the second time, you were even more surprised. It all made sense now. Why was JJ so reluctant to like you, why he pulled you away from Rafe when you were trying to talk to him at Kie's party. He was playing you. But it all felt so real.

You must've gasped really loud because JJ and Rafe heard you from inside. JJ had swung the door open, scared to see who was on the other side. He knew if it was you, it would be over for him. When he saw you, crying, he realized what he had done.

When you saw JJ reach out for you, you moved away. He disgusted you. How could he? How could Rafe? Granted, Rafe was an asshole but at least he wore it on his sleeve. JJ had tricked you. And you could never forgive him. You backed away from both JJ and Rafe, slowly moving down JJ's steps.

"Y/N..." JJ began, following you down the steps. Rafe just watched behind JJ, clearly enjoying the misery he caused.

"Get away from me." You seethed, tears rolling down your face so fast. God, you felt sick. You felt so nauseous. Everything was a lie. 

"I'm so sorry." JJ frowned, tears in his eyes. He seemed to shrink down as he walked towards you. The closer he walked though, the farther you walked. 

"You liar!" You screeched, your voice raspy. You could barely breathe. It hurt so much.

JJ shook his head, his arms out towards you. "No, no. I love you Y/N."

You shook your head, wrapping your hands around your body, hugging yourself. You closed your eyes for a moment and stopped walking. This couldn't be real. You didn't want it to be real.

You felt JJ come closer to you, finally wrapping his arms around you. You let him embrace you, even if you didn't hug him back. This was the last time he would touch you. The last time he'd hurt you. God, you had been so stupid.

The hug only lasted ten seconds because the second you collected yourself, you pushed him away. He looked so hurt, tears running down his face. You wanted to hug him, you still had feelings for him, but you knew you couldn't. He betrayed you. He lied to you. 

"You're a liar." You said coldly, finally turning around and running away. 

You ran and ran and ran. Away from JJ's house and away from Rafe. Away from everything that you once loved. You didn't even stop to catch your breath, your mind wouldn't let you. You believed that maybe if you ran far enough, you wouldn't be in so much pain. You wanted to run away from all your problems.

You made it to your house in record time. By the time you entered your home, your parents were gone. They left a note on your bed saying that they went out for the night and would be back by midnight. You didn't care. You used to care. You used to leave you but it seemed as if everyone was leaving you recently. 

You curled up into a ball on your bed and closed your eyes. Once your eyes were closed, you blocked the images of JJ that flooded your mind. You remembered you hadn't gotten your phone but you didn't care. You just wanted to sleep. You cried so much your chest was starting to hurt and you knew the only way for all of this to stop, was for you to rest your body and mind. It was easy for you to fall asleep. Your eyelids were already droopy from all the crying that it only took a couple of minutes for you to fall asleep. Once you did, you slept the entire night. You started to dream about JJ, but you stopped yourself. Your brain wasn't ready for that yet. You needed time.

And this is where you were now. You hadn't talked to JJ in two days. Kie had come by to drop your phone off and she tried to comfort you but you didn't speak. It was hard to comfort someone who didn't want to be comforted. You felt so empty. You felt stupid too. You had been so eager to trust JJ, even when Rafe had betrayed your trust already. But you were a good person. You guessed this was your punishment. 

When Kie couldn't comfort you, John B. had tried to come over. At first, you didn't want to let him in, but with some coaxing, you finally opened your door to him.

You wanted to ask how JJ was but you told yourself you shouldn't care anymore. He wasn't yours anymore. He never was.

John B., tired of the silence, was the first to speak. "JJ is a wreck."

This got your attention. You had hoped he was. So were you. You didn't say anything to John B. when he said this, just nodded solemnly. 

"I've never seen him like this. He's really sorry." John B. said, sitting down beside you.

You scowled. "Did you only come here to make me feel shitty? JJ lied to me. He betrayed me. I could care less if he was dying."

John B. didn't even react to what you were saying, almost as if he knew you were going to say that. "Yeah. I know. I wanted to come to see how you were doing, but I'd be lying if I said JJ didn't want me to come to see how you were doing."

You looked at John B., the scowl replaced with a frown. "If he wants to talk to me, he can come here himself." You didn't want him to, but you knew the only way to end this was to tell JJ yourself. 

John B. nodded. "When can he meet you then?"

You had decided with John B. that you were going to meet JJ at the beach, where you first met. You guessed it was only fitting. You had gotten ready a couple hours before you were set to meet with him. You wanted to look a bit presentable, only to show JJ that you looked better than he did. Even if it was not true, you wanted to appear like you moved on. You put on some makeup and changed into a new tank top with black shorts, praying to God that you looked a little better than you were. You wanted to appear as if you had healed, even if you hadn't. 

Waiting on the beach was absolute torture. You had been ten minutes early which was your fault entirely. You wanted to have some control over the situation, even though you knew you weren't in control. As you waited, you began to feel yourself start to cry. You couldn't believe how much everything changed. Only days ago you and JJ were together and happy, and now you could barely think about him without crying. Everything has gone so messed up. Although you desperately wanted to go back to the time where you two were still together, you knew that you couldn't do that. You had the truth now and as much as those old memories were good, you didn't want to forget the truth. You would come here with only one purpose. You needed to end things with JJ completely.

JJ was late by three minutes. You wanted to be upset but you know why he was late. You knew he wanted to prolong this conversation because he knew why you wanted to talk to him. You were here to end things for good and JJ didn't want that. By the time he finally arrived on the beach, he prepared himself. You were doing the same. 

Once he was close enough, you spoke first. "Hello." You were cold as you spoke, almost as if you were talking to a stranger.

JJ knew he deserved this kind of behaviour from you but it still hurt him deeply. With every ounce of being he had in him, he replied. "Hi." 

"I think you know why I want to talk to you." You said, the coldness in your voice still evident. You are afraid that if he even showed a small hint of emotion, you would break down and start crying all over again. 

JJ nodded, tears in his eyes. He knew how stupid he was. When Rafe had come up to him before the beach party, he had been planning to take this other girl named Lacey out but he had offered JJ $2,000 just to break some girl's heart. JJ did that shit for free and to get money for it oh, it seemed like a deal. He slept with you once and although he felt something, he ignored it. He got his money but Rafe was still unhappy because you hadn't reached out to him yet. So Rafe told JJ to hook up with you a second time but this time JJ didn't ask for any money. It felt wrong in JJ's eyes. He actually had a good time with you. You were a good person and it felt wrong. But he liked you enough to continue sleeping with you. Not for Rafe, before himself. After that night where you patch him up, he knew he couldn't deny his feelings for you anymore. He went back and forth in his mind, debating whether he should pursue things with you or not. You had made it clear many times that you felt something for him and although he felt something for you, there was a little voice in his head telling him that what he was doing screwed up because he hadn't liked you at first. There were so many times where he wanted to tell you but he didn't want to ruin anything because for the first time he actually ever felt happy with someone. Then he ruined everything. And now you never want to speak to him again.

JJ wanted to explain everything to you in detail and try to make you understand the situation that he was put in. There was no point though. He still had done a screwed-up thing to you and he didn't deserve you. 

"After tonight, I never want to talk to you again." You said plainly, crossing your arms over your chest. The sun was setting soon and you knew you should be getting home. But you needed one more thing from JJ. "Why'd you do it?"

JJ had been looking at his feet the entire time but when you said this he finally made eye contact with you. "Do what?"

You let a tear slide down your cheek and you watched as JJ frowned even more. "Why did you just break my heart like Rafe wanted? Why did you string me along?"

JJ sighed, looking at the ocean before getting the courage to look at you. He had hurt you beyond repair. He knew that there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to get you to forgive him. So he didn't sugar coat it. He just told you the truth.

"I could care less about you at first. I had seen you hanging out with Kie so many times before that first party and I thought you were cute but you were Kie's friend. Then race told me his plan and said he'd give me $2,000 if I could break your heart. I never cared about anyone. I was selfish. So at first, I did it. And it was easy. But you are so easy to love Y/N. You're kind and gentle. You didn't ask many questions when I came over to your house that night covered in cuts and bruises. You never pushed me to talk about my feelings because you knew that was not something that I was comfortable with. No one has done that. And I realized what I had been missing. But Rafe realized that you didn't love him anymore. He tried to get me to do it again and even offered more money but something told me not to do it." JJ took a moment to breathe, looking at the tears sliding down your face. He wondered what you were thinking. "It's so easy to be with you. I'm not easy to be around. I'm selfish and I'm cruel. I'm reckless. But you love me so much that you were patient. I know I should have told you. But it was so easy to be with you, that I didn't think I would be able to live without you. I'm sorry."

You didn't know how to react. This was the most JJ had ever expressed his feelings towards you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't surprised. You didn't know if it was enough though. You wondered if anything he did would be enough. 

When you didn't respond to him, JJ knew. It wasn't enough. He loved you and he said all those nice things, but it wasn't enough. He was a liar and he betrayed you too deeply for you to forgive him. He understood. He didn't blame you. He didn't say anything else. He doubted you wanted to hear his voice ever again. He made no sound as he turned away from you and left. As he walked to the boardwalk and passed the beach, he couldn't help but cry. Although he had cried before, this time he knew it was the end. It wasn't enough. 

You didn't know why JJ left. You are still trying to take in all those things that he said and by the time that you did, you realized that he was gone. You scanned the beach in the boardwalk and finally found him a hundred yards away. He didn't want to forgive him. You had come here tonight to make him hurt. You had come to end things completely. You had told yourself that no matter how much he pleaded, you were still going to walk away. But as much as you didn't want to admit it, you knew JJ and you knew when he was lying and when he wasn't. He wasn't lying now you knew he wasn't lying when you guys were together. He had screwed up. He had started a relationship with you for the wrong reasons. But he loved you. He loves you so much that he was willing to walk away if that made you happy. But you realized it didn't make you happy. And you wondered why you wanted to walk away in the first place. JJ had done all that terrible stuff before he knew you. And although it would take so much time for you to completely heal, you need JJ. So you ran after him.

"JJ!" You screamed, running closer and closer towards the boy you loved.

JJ stopped dead in his tracks. He thought his brain was playing tricks on him. But when you called for him the second time, he knew it was true. You had chased after him. You still wanted him. What had he done to deserve that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

When he turned around, he saw you run to him. His tears instantly stopped and a huge smile fell over his lips. You had still loved him. You had run such a long way and JJ felt bad so he ran to you, trying to close to distance faster. Once you were close enough to touch, JJ reached out for you. When you reached out for him, he grabbed ahold of you, pulling you into a big hug. You both stood there for a moment, trying to catch your breath as you hugged. JJ was smiling so wide. 

Once you caught your breath, you let go of JJ. You looked at him, his hands coming up cup your cheeks. He was smiling so wide and you felt yourself smiling too.

"You're easy to love too." 

JJ didn't say anything, just pulled you close for a kiss. When your lips touched, you felt whole again. It would take some time but you needed JJ. And he needed you.

"I love you." JJ said, smiling wide. 

You nodded, pulling him close. "I love you."

And you both weren't lying.

~

taglist: @jjmaybanxx @teamnick

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 6

[Season 4; Season 5] Man, this season... an emotional rollercoaster

Episode 3:

Cas admits he and Dean "share a more profound bond." (15:35) uuuhmm okay

"You think I came because you called?" (16:31) cut to "I always come when you call" later on in E21

"When a claim is laid on a living sould, it leaves a mark, a brand." ... like a handprint maybe? (22:33) Cas basically called dibs on Dean and admits it

Dean, I get it, Cas looks hot when he fights, but you don't have to look at him like this (24:42)

The amount of eye-fucking in this scene (25:56) almost 30 seconds (of Dean checking out Cas) of Old married coupleTM moments. Dean is worried about Cas dying again by the hands of an archangel. He just got attacked and wants to go out. But Cas has to go save the universe from a holy war. Basically a wife asking her soldier husband not to leave for the war.

[(26:28-26:30) Dean was totally looking at the BOOTY]

NOW FOR THE JUICY STUFF: Cas and Balthazar obviously had a history. More than brothers or war buddies. We could parallel them to Dean and Lisa: both old flames coming back after a long time and all.

Also, Balthazar can sense something is going on between Cas and Dean. It's so clear he can (35:26). ICWAW, we would assume Balthazar was an ex, getting jealous over Cas' new love interest

Episode 6:

"You asked me to be here, and I came", OH what about the whole 'I don't come because you call' thing? (13:40)

How domestic is this moment. Cas pouring Dean a drink, trying to comfort him (14:03). He hates seeing Dean like this, and hates even more the fact he can't do anything about it

Cas knows Dean is hurt enough already, and doesn't want to get him involved with a war that's not his to fight (14:20), but still wants to help

Episode 7:

Second time Cas starts stripping in front of Dean and he just stares (2:32)

Look, all I'm saying is... they really don't have to stand THAT CLOSE to each other (4:07)

Episode 9:

[Not a destiel moment but Dean struggling to say the words "gay guy" is too fucking funny to me (33:45)]

Episode 10:

Dean, will you not check out the angel in front of your brother, please? (11:54)

Dean is visibly uncomfortable at Cas watching porn practically NEXT to him, and having a BONER practically next to him. Understandable, but still... kinda gay (15:58) Look at Dean's face, my God (16:07)

[I'm screaming Dean looks like he's wondering what it'd be like to kiss Cas (25:29)]

"CAS?!" (26:23) the way Dean gets progressively more worried about Cas fading/being taken away and shit, kills me

[Cas is so fucking confused as to why Dean would suggest he'd let him have an hour alone with Meg (39:25), either that or he's embarrassed he might've actually wanted to. Meg and Castiel were cute together]

"If there's anything we can do-" "There isn't. I wish circumstances were different. *stares at Dean with puppy eyes* Much of the time, I'd rather be here." (39:46)

Also, Dean stares at Cas for 15 seconds, but averts his eyes when saying "We're your friends"? (40:01) Denial? Something's off. ICWAW, this would indicate tension, unspoken feelings

Just... the way Dean looks at Cas, and when he flies away (40:17) HIS EYES

Episode 11:

Balth jokingly calls Cas Sam's 'boyfriend', and Sam reacts normally, letting it fly over his head. When later in episode 17, Balth calls Cas "the angel in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you", Dean gets pissy. Just like later in 10x5. Touchy much? (13:48)

Balth admits he doesn't like Dean, and that "screwing him would delight me", but calls the one brother who threatened to crisp his wings, a "capable young man" (14:46). Jealous much? ICWAW we would read some sort of romantic rivalry between those two.

Episode 14:

This face... where have I seen this face before?

Oh yes, here

Dean looks at Lisa, the so called "love of his life", the same way he looks at Cas. Fuck my life

Episode 15:

"Cas" (Misha) starts stripping and Dean... stares... again (9:23)

"Well, Cas... now that you have your sword, try not to die by it." (39:53) Is it a saying? Or a reference to Dean being Michael's Sword? As in "He is gonna be the death of you"? And Balth looks at Cas THAT WAY?! (40:01) You can't tell me there was nothing between these two. Kill me now

Fucking stop being an old bitching married coupleTM already (40:25) you are hurting me

Episode 17:

Balth 'jokes' about Cas being in love with Dean (18:48) ICWAW we would read this as an ex being petty about the new love interest and teasing said love interest about it

Wow, jealous much, Dean? Again, ICWAW, this would totally be seen as jealousy for your crush's ex (27:30). And Dean, you're staring at Cas' lips again (27:37)

[Sam: "So, you killed 50,000 people for us?" Cas: *looks at Dean* "... No, I didn't... They were never born." (37:49) This is so stupid, but... sure, Cas... sure. That's what you ment.]

Cas makes a small speech about fighting for freedom, choosing your fate and all, while looking at Dean (38:55). OKAY SUBTEXT!!!

[As soon as Dean mentions boobs, Cas is gone (39:36) LOL]

Episode 19:

"It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. [...] Cas, get out of my ass!!!" "I was never in... your-" (4:28) and then they stare... Were you having unholy thoughts guys?

"Without your power you're basically just a baby in a trench coat" #MARRIED (10:38), "My friend is very sick." "I have a, uh... painful burning sensation." OH COME ON!!! (11:22)

"You know who whines? Babies. *pats Castiel*" (14:28) I'm sorry, pats him wHERE??!!

Dean saves Cas again (19:38)

The way Cas says "Dean, Dean!" (23:09)... I'm so fucking weak, and look at those EYES! (23:41) kill me now

"The kid... The little kid, he's one of them." "... Unbelievable." "Yeah, I know, Cas. You told me, all right?" (37:48) #MARRIED

Sam and Bobby immediately think Cas might be betraying them (39:31), while Dean won't even immagine the possibility. "This is Cas we're talking about!" (39:52)

Episode 20:

Even tho Dean can sense something is off with Cas, he won't bring himself to admit it. And the eye-car-sex. That. (4:44-4:53)

"You're distracted. [...] Is that all you're holding, huh? See... the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, angel." (6:20) this has such sexual undertones. ICWAW, it would be MENT as having sexual undertones. Also Crowley ships it

Dean protects Cas even tho clear evidence is there, and even feels bad about lying to him (12:06). And Cas feels oh so bad about Dean trying to be loyal to him, even when he was starting to suspect (13:18)

Dean still refuses to acknowledge the possibility of Cas' betrayal (19:56). His speech about Cas... I'm weak. "He broke ranks, gone to the mat, cut and bleeding for us, so many frigging times. This is Cas!" (20:10). ICWAW, this would be read as Dean having feelings for Cas, and as those feelings were getting in the way of his best judgment

Cas goes against the King of Hell to save the boys... but Dean first (21:48), and Dean defendes him against Bobby and Sam, apologizing for doubting about him. Cas hates having to break their trust

The look on Dean's face as he realizes Cas had been lying the whole time... BROKEN (23:35-23:49)

Cas doesn't want Dean to have to sacrifice more than he already had for him (25:19), and when Crowley shows up, Cas' first instinct is to look back at Dean protectively (25:30), and does that again before following Crowley (26:17)

Cas wants Dean to be happy, stay retired, even tho he was so longingly looking at him moments earlier (29:09)

"You gotta look at me, man. [...] Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley." (32:38) the absolute desperation in both Dean and Cas, how HURT they look. THEIR EYES! Dean looks devastated

"I did it to protect you, I did it to protect all of you!" (33:09) one of the many "you, all of you" no-homo saves Cas pulls while talking to/about Dean

"I had no choice!" "No, you had a choice... You just made the wrong one." (34:21) how fucking hurt Dean looks. "Where were you when I needed to hear it?" THE EYES

"I was there... Where were you? *flashback to Cas looking back at Dean*" I'M DEAD

"It's not too late. Damn it, Cas. We can fix this!" "Run. You have to run, now. RUN!" (35:33) and they do, but Dean looks back at Cas, and the way they look at each other... STOP (35:47-35:52) ICWAW, this whole scene would seem like someone trying to save their loved one, and OH boy, that stare exchange would seem either a silent confession or a reminder of their feelings for the other

Cas visits Dean in the night, even tho they clearly don't trust him and don't want him there, and Dean leaves it be (38:06), and even apologizes for having to angel-proof the house against him

#MARRIED (38:28), "I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you." (38:35) ICWAW... do I even need to point this out?

"Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest thing I have to family..." the look on Cas' face as Dean says this (39:15) "... that you are like a brother to me." did Cas' eyes just get more glossy? Poor baby. Also, ICWAW, by the way they interact, this statement would feel wrong on so many levels

"You're just a man. I'm an angel." ... why does it feel like Cas is telling that to himself more than to Dean? (39:43) "I'm sorry, Dean." (39:55) Kill me

Cas questions his decisions, asks God for guidance, the moment he understood he hurt Dean. He doesn't want to hurt Dean, but will do what he has to do to if it means he will be safe

Episode 21:

[Not a destiel moment, but "fragile masculinity" much, Dean? (4:20) "I was too busy having sex with women." (why do you feel the need to specify 'women'?)]

This Dean-Balth bickering has such current-former love interest fight vibes (8:52). Come on, ICWAW, this would totally be the case

Here's another Cas/Lisa parallel: how Dean acts here, looking for Ben and Lisa (13:11), and how he acts in S8 while looking for Castiel ("WHERE'S THE ANGEL!?")

Cas saves Dean again (21:46). "I didn't ask for your help." "Well, regardless. You're welcome." #MARRIED

They are both on the verge of tears... "I thought you said that we were like family." (22:22) They hate this situation. They hate not being like always, close, friendly, family

"Dean... I do everything that you ask... I always come when you call. And I am your friend." (22:39) the way he says 'Dean' and how his voice trembles. Dean is basically almost crying now (23:45)

"Dean, I said I'm sorry and I ment it." "Thank you... I wish this changed anything..." "I know.. So do I." (37:45)

[Alright. I do believe Dean really grew to love Lisa during that year they spent together, but I don't buy the "I always loved you, ever since that one hook up on that one weekend we knew each other for" shit. Dean wanted to give a try to the whole 'apple pie life' he'd promised Sam, with a good woman he knew Dean had feelings for.

If he grew to love Lisa over a couple of years after 1 hook up, I'm sure he could do the same thing for Cas after over a decade (he for sure would have already If Cas Were A Woman)]

Episode 22:

["You've always got little old me." "Yes... I'll always have you." (30:26) These two... Come on, they HAD to be ex lovers!]

"We were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times (Cas did actually, twice). So if that means anything to you... Please... I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam... Don't make me lose you too." (39:55) ICWAW, this would be seen as a straight up CONFESSION

The hurtful look on Dean's face when Cas says "You're not my family, Dean.", and the terror when he thought for a second that Sam might have killed him (40:39)

["You will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord... or I shall destroy you." ... okay, Cas, honey, I get you are tired of waiting, but this is not the right way to get a confession out of Dean (41:20)]

[Season 7>>]

[thirstofgames]

kitty and the jailbird

#️⃣2️⃣

-IT'S A MATCH-

A blank chat popped open and Damien stared at it for a second. He had honestly not expected it. The girl actually swiped him right. He looked at the clock impatiently; he did not have much time left in the library. There was a loud shout from the hallway, his muscles tensing, ready to hide the phone and bolt at any second.

He regretted that last question right as he pushed send. It sounded so bitter in his head now. It was a dating app after all and she was a good looking young woman.

you there?

...

hello?

busy flirting with your other matches, huh?

And there it was all about to end, the hot topic of his whereabouts. And the swift and cruel rejection that followed. It had already happened one too many times! Could he go through his again? Was it worth it? His palms were sweaty, but he never felt so cold. If the ground could just open up and swallow him whole before she finished asking... 

No, sorry

Just a little surprised we matched

you can unmatch if you want

Well, what I want is to talk with you 😊

Your profile caught my eye

what part?

Your profile pic at first.

Most guys can't pull off the broken, deep and scowling thing

But... looks good on you.

you don't look so bad yourself-

but then I read your description...

and I have to know something

shoot 🙄

It was a simple Yes/No question, but it took Kate way to long to answer. She bit her lip, thinking hard on the possibilities. It was such an unfair question though. She was not going to leave, but was not going to pursue anything with him until she knew what he was in for and how long he was going to be locked up. She'd wasted enough years waiting up on others... 

I'm just a little confused 🤔

Are you really in jail?

you gonna leave if I say yes?

It really depends...

A bittersweet smile spread on his lips. What was he expecting from a girl like her? She probably had a nice job, a supporting family and tons of friends and... an actual future. Why would she even consider wasting her time with him? The little time he had left... Better to just pull off the band aid!

She felt to bad! She hadn't meant to disregard his feelings, but wasn't it fair to let her know what she was getting into? She didn't even know what he was expecting from the conversation they were having... She was curious, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

okay, let's just say...

the orange pants and barbed wire are real

OMG

I have so mane questions 😱

here we go...

What did you do?

Wait, where do you even hide your phone?

STOP!

enough with the interrogation, alright?

I'm just curious...

sure, but i'm more than just a prisoner

a little respect goes a long way

Kate’s heart sank. He was hot, but the prison was a serious issue... She supposed people were not lining up to get to know him. He seemed pretty well rounded and mannered, but he was very defensive about his crime. Did that mean it was something really bad? But he was on a dating app... so maybe he was getting out soon? 

You're right!

I'm so sorry 😓

Let's change the subject

Why don't you tell me what you're looking for

hmmm

What?

i'm thinking...

nobody's really asked me that before

Seriously?

most people stop talking to me when they find out i'm locked up

i don't really blame them. i'm rough around the edges.

She didn't say anything for a while and Damien started wondering if he should just close the damn phone and leave. He should also probably take a break from Lovelink after this... it clearly wasn't doing him any good. Dark thoughts swarmed his mind and he had to close his eyes and head his head back against the bookshelf to get rid of the harrowing feeling. Like he was falling in an endless pit...  

The screen showed him typing and deleting several responses. Kate pursed her lips, impatient. Had she said anything wrong? She’d never spoken to someone who’d been locked up, she was still unsure what could trigger painful memories, or just remind him that he was... not free. But he said he just wanted to chat and his profile mentioned 'deep conversations'... 

Okay, I'm not running away, for now

but...

But I can't really make up my mind

If I don't know anything about you

So...

alright

honestly I'm just looking to talk to someone from the outside

it can get pretty boring in here, just waiting around the clock

Let's be friends then 😊

I'll be your window to the outside world

If that's alright with you...?

Damien sighed on the other end. Beggars can’t be choosers. It was a step in the right direction though. Maybe he was not going to find the love of his life at the very fucking end of said life. He was not living in some fairytale! He was still going to die, alone and forgotten.

But maybe... just a little less alone at the very end of his road. One friend meant more than none and maybe, just maybe... he could tell her his side of the story. Eventually. She seemed patient and understanding enough. Let at least one person out there know he did not murder his own father. 

sure

that's more than most

Of course a pretty thing like her got a lot on attention... She was only chatting up with him because the others were offline- 

but it must have been pretty bad to be such a long sentence

you still can't tell me what the crime was?

look, i've been making my own rules my whole life

you better ask what crimes I DIDN'T do

wow...

i'm no bragging or anything, just letting you know where I'm at

anyways, I'm more interested in what you're all about

what are you doing on an app like this?

Honestly...

I was about to uninstall it right before we matched 😅

Oh

you already found the one?

or no luck at all?

Well, I went on a few nice dates...

i see

Suddenly his experience on the app seemed less awful. Maybe it was not the right place. Or perhaps it was just the place for a misfit like him, here with all the weirdoes and con artists. 

And then they ditched me for their exes

Just my luck 😂

Oh and I swear to god if I see one more vampire 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

vampires?

Yeees

You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw...

OMG, one dude was actually dresses up as a centaur

I...

don't even want to ask

There's also the 'prince' scam going around

Dudes claiming to be the heirs of some  

Made up countries and asking you for money

It wasn't quite a rejection, but it still hurt a little. She already mentioned twice she was only interested in him as friends. She didn't need to spell it out every few minutes! But she was the only one... 

Met some nice people too ☺️

Actually became good friends with some

Which is nice since I just moved here

were did you come from?

Pallay 💜

you're a long way from home

I know 😢

I suppose it was getting kinda lonely

My friends and family come visit when they can

But that's not a lot...

what brought you here?

Got a really good job opportunity

But I didn't quite realize how far away I'd be

So yeah, to answer your question from before...

I'm kinda just chatting with new people

Made more friends than anything else lol

Hope that's aright with you 🤗

A smile crept on his lips. An actual, genuine smile. How long had it been since he had any reason to? God, it felt good to talk to someone! Someone who didn't know him, who didn't shout 'walking corpse' after him, didn't judge him. He almost felt like his old self. Almost. 

i'm cool with that

Great!

Looking forward to getting to know you, Damien 😄

so let's get to it

tell me about yourself

hobbies, favorite food, anything

my hobbies are always changing 🤔

I start something new every month or so

Oh, and I started volunteering at a vet lately

🐱🐶💕

With a friend I made on this app

it suits you

Hmmmmm how would you know?

We've only just met

just a hunch

I could secretly be evil 😈

you couldn't hurt a fly

besides, I've seen evil and believe me

you're not it

I'm guessing you're not going to elaborate on that

Are you?

see, you know me so well already

Smartass 😝

 At lest until she finds out.

And I love food 🤤

Who doesn't? lol

But picking a favorite is like... impossible

I do have one hell of a sweet tooth  🍫🍬🍦

I'm soooo jealous

I miss making my own meals

That's right! You probably just have a cafeteria.

I'm so sorry 😓

it's cool

i'm glad we have something in common

Is there any food you miss?

Wait... was there even steak in that picture? Kate felt her ears burning, the fluffy pajamas studently itching at her skin.

just makin my own in general, being in charge in the kitchen

Damien scrolled quickly through his phone, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He nearly didn’t send the photo. It felt like so long ago, a different time...a different person. But it felt so good to remember! To be reminded of the more happier moments when he had all his life ahead of him! And showing her a piece of his past may make her curious enough to stick around for a while longer.

He hit Send.

-Tap to download photo-

Oh

Looks... delicious

you like steak? 

Oh yeah, the food 😳

Wish I could have a bite of that hahaha

So not so shy and innocent as she claimed. Good to know. Even if it didn’t lead anywhere, which he had to be realistic about - he was on death row after all - it was still fun. The most fun he’d had in a long while. It felt...nice.

HA!

i wish you could too 😏

The door of the library swung open hitting the opposite wall. The guard in charge could be heard arguing with someone. At least four voices. He had to move fast.

I'm really hungry now 😅

good

Kate stared at the screen, the little green light besides his profile picture going grey. She scrolled through the conversation as if to make sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She tapped the picture he’d sent, a small smile creeping on her lips. He looked so... normal. Well, more like smoking hot, but she expected some kind of dump, or some greasy repair shop, not Greek sculpture level abs. The boy should come with a warning! She was a sucker for bad boys, but had she gotten so bad that she was now considering a fucking convict? What if he was a murderer or something??

shit!

???

someone's coming

gotta hide my phone

talk soon

Be careful! 🙏🏻

Her ice cream, forgotten on the coffee table, had turned to soup.

What had she gotten herself into?

[justanotherlifeff]

Chapter 3

April 10 2316

Wednesday

Musutafu, Japan

In your two days at UA, you figured out a few things. Firstly, KAMINARI WAS BEST FRIEND MATERIAL. You were always into anime/manga and guess what? KAMINARI WAS INTO THAT TOO! Hence, there were the two of you obsessing over random anime characters and fan-girling/fan-boying the hell out of them. Secondly, Ashido Mina, or as you called her just Mina cause she insisted, was Kirishima's old classmate. They probably even had a thing for eachother and the two of them decided to stick around you and Denki, eventually becoming friends with you all. Thirdly and lastly, two unsuspecting members happened to join your rather crazy group. One of them being a pretty chill guy named Sero Hanta, who also happened to share your interest in anime but not as much as Kaminari and the other being the notorious Bakugou Katsuki. While Sero had a good reason to hang out with you all, Bakugou demanded that he was around because he had nothing better to do. You, however, figured out that it was because he for some reason, felt comfortable around Kirishima, who, to be fair, was really patient with Bakugou. There weren’t many people who would want to deal with his antisocial explosive personality. However, what you didn’t figure out, despite having a quirk that literally allowed you to read people's emotions was the fact that he had an interest in you. As to why, the only answer to that was the fact that you absolutely surpassed everyone else in battle training. While even he got defeated by shitty Deku, you on the other hand beat the crap out of Todoroki, who happened to be the most overpowered student in your class beside you. Since there were 21 students in class, you were paired up with Todoroki, it being his second match since his first match lasted only for a few moments. Watching you completely unaffected by his ice since you could levitate and breaking his ice with ease thanks to your powerful telekinesis made Bakugou heavily interested. However, that's what he was telling himself. While he definitely wasn’t lying to himself, he was still denying the fact that he was heavily turned on by your skin tight bodysuit that left nothing to imagination. The way your body suit lighted up wherever your veins got enlarged only made you look more attractive. Then again, ofcourse Bakugou wouldn’t admit it to himself. It was just his stupid hormones acting up.

Now, things may be going too fast but then again, you almost spent a lifetime without normal friends. That meant, you were willing to speed up this process of making friends, given that everyone you became friends with was infact very accepting of you. Well, everyone except Bakugou. He barely ever talked to you ever since the first day at school even though he stuck around with your group almost all the time. That didn't mean that you haven’t noticed how he's staring at you sometimes when you aren’t looking. Normally, no one would notice that he was staring since he's pretty good at hiding it, however, you were always detecting this intense emotion from him all the time whenever he stared. You didn't understand this emotion, however, you could tell that it was a weird mixture of admiration, competitiveness and anger. Then again, every single one of Bakugou's emotions seem to be laced with anger. Now, normally you'd be creeped out by Bakugou's intense attitude towards you. However, like your friend Kaminari, you happen to be a huge pervert as well. After all, how can you not notice that amazing jawbone, those toned muscles (you asked God to bless whoever made his hero costume). Hence, instead of being creeped out, you actually enjoyed the attention. Which is why, you were currently having this weird ass conversation with Kaminari which only made Sero more uncomfortable every second. "Oi Kaminari, he's doing it again." you whispered to Kaminari looking excited. "I can't believe you aren’t creeped out by that..." Kaminari glanced at Bakugou who looked like he wanted to murder you. "Now, now, did you notice how hot he is? You don't know how far I'd go to see him shirtless... Imagine those abs..." you drooled, making Kaminari sigh. "Aww I wish someone drooled over me like that..." Kaminari whined. "What's wrong with you two?" Sero muttered in disbelief looking at the two of you. "Well, besides, he's an interesting dude you know. He's hiding a lot of emotions in his head and I still can't figure him out. That rarely happens you know..." you muttered, taking a bite of the food infront of you.

Currently, you were having your lunch break and the unofficial Bakusquad was sitting together in one table. Your comment was based on the emotions you picked up about Bakugou during both the quirk test and battle training. He suffered from extreme inferiority complex and it was obvious that he tried to hide it with anger. However, you decided not to reveal his secret to random people. After all, you wouldn’t appreciate it if someone revealed your secrets... "Hiding a lot of emotions? Oi (L/N)-chan, is Bakugou in love with someone?" Kaminari exclaimed loudly. Before you could answer, Bakugou was already shouting. "WHAT ARE YOU DAMN NERDS SAYIN' ABOUT ME HAH?!!" Bakugou barked. "(L/N)-Chan thinks you're in..." Kaminari started but paused as soon as he saw your death glare. For a laid back person, your glare matched that of Bakugou. "OI SHIT HEAD! WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME?" Bakugou turned his attention to you. "Relax Bakugou-kun. It's about what I didn’t spill about you. Kaminari was just assuming things" you answered with a smile since you knew that there was no point at getting angry at someone who used anger as a defence mechanism. "What the fuck do you know?" Bakugou growled at you trying to sound intimidating. You knew better though. His emotions were always so intense that even if you didn't want them to, they would always reach your head. "Bakugou-kun, I can read emotions. It's a part of my quirk and I can say exactly what every single person is feeling in this entire dining hall. This is something that's completely out of my control. I think you'd rather discuss your issues with a psychologist instead of asking me about it infront of a group of other people. After all, you're an antisocial bitch aren’t you?" you answered with a smile. Sure, you weren’t going to shout at someone who uses anger as a defence mechanism but that didn't give him a free pass to call you a 'shit head'.

The tension between you and Bakugou was as intense as it could get at this point with Bakugou throwing you a murderous glint while you smiled at him as if he was nothing more than an angry pomeranian. After a short staring contest, surprisingly, Bakugou grumbled, "Go die you fucking nerd" before looking away. "How was that an insult? Kaminari and I are otakus for life! Though, I'm not to sure how long Kaminari's life expectancy is cause he's a fucking snitch..." You gave Kaminari a sadistic smile which made him gulp with a nervous smile. "Uh... (L/N)-Chan? I promise I'll buy you a (Favourite anime character) figurine to make up for this please don't kill me?" Kaminari rushed. "Okay! We're going shopping after class!" your sadistic smile suddenly turned into an extremely sweet one at an extremely creepy pace. "You're kinda scary you know..." Kaminari muttered. "Yeah... Speaking up to Bakugou like that and shutting him up? That's scary..." Sero joined Kaminari. "Oh shut up! Ya'll still love me!" you pouted as you continued to eat and carry the conversation. Little did you know that Bakugou now had a new found interest in you. It was obvious that you were completely reading him by now. His murderous glint didn't work on you for exactly that reason. Cause he didn’t really have any murderous intent deep down. It was really rare for someone to not be scared of him and infact, stand up to him. While it did piss him off, he couldn’t help but find himself seeing you as more than just a shitty extra who happens to look hot. However, his trail of thoughts were quickly broken by the emergency sirens.

[merlinmyrddin]

hi im rlly feeling burnt out and math is gonna be the death of me, bc it's finals season and in a week and a half, all the progress i worked damn hard for all semester is gone, and im just,,,sad? my crush also moved away the other day and i havent seen him in months and never will again and yeah idk what to do and you're kinda like,,,awesome so i figured i'd just...rant? im sorry i dont mean to bother you you can ignore this i just wanted to vent a little bit

You're not bothering me at all, do not worry! XX

Alright. Maths? Maths. Maths! It's a bitch isn't it? All those numbers, letters, weird signs and all that jazz yeah?

But look at Maths differently. I obviously don't know your age, and therefore where about you are in your scholarity but maths can be fun. ( I know, shocking!). Like everyrhing, not knowing how it works takes the fun out of it, and maths is kinda the same. And I'm not gonna say "understand it to enjoy it" cause hey, that'd be ridiculous.

No, instead forget it's Maths. It's a jigsaw. Maybe you're Sherlock Holmes and that equation could save a life y'know. So crack it and high five yourself. Maybe there's an alien threat ( like bad bad aliens) and the only way to divert their spaceship is to figure out the diameter of their rocket and you know, save the Earth. Saving the Earth is cool.

What I'm babbling about, is that maths is like that Harry Potter creature that takes the shape of your worse nightmare: put a tutu on maths. Demolish the stigma that math is a big bad guy, and turn it into a game !

As for a broken heart, I wish there would be an answer. And as cliché as it might sound, time fixes it. Until then, I can offer virtual cookies and milk, and hug xX ❤❤

[charrfie]

Walton for the character ask thing? ^^

SOMEONE FINALLY ASKED FOR HIM THANK YOU

How I feel about this character:

Similarly to Victor, Walton is another huge comfort character of mine!!! He's such a sweet dude, and I genuinely think that a lot of his depth (character-wise I mean) is overlooked as well. Theres a lot to work with and a lot to find out about him despite there only being a few letters where the reader gets to see him directly rather than through his transcription of Victor's tale. I've actually written a little ramble (aka it's by no means well structured haha) about just how complex he is so you can read that here if you'd like. Long story short I would die for Walton at any given moment

Romantic ships:

Already said so on a previous ask about Victor, but waltonstein is for sure my favorite ship in the whole book!! It's so hopeless in canon, which is so upsetting, but you can tell just how much Walton cares for Victor nevertheless. And y'all know that I'm a sucker for hurt and broken characters getting the love they deserve since I cant cope with anything other than my faves being happy, so the fact that Walton so willingly does everything he can for Victor just makes me melt. And we're not even gonna get into the details but real quick- that one scene near the end where Victor squeezes Walton's hand on his deathbed, which is the first time that Victor's initiated any kind of affection (he likely doesnt before bc he's scared that by getting close to Walton he'll put him in danger)??? Oh fuck that gets me every single time. It hurts so badly. Ah they have so much potential

Non-romantic:

MARGARET AND WALTON!!! THEIR DYNAMIC IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES IN THE WHOLE BOOK!!!!!! While those two's relationship is largely based on personal hcs, canon does supply some evidence on how sweet they are too. As made clear in the book, they're very close with eachother. Margaret cares for him and makes sure hes alright no matter what kinda mess he gets himself into. I imagine they banter with eachother a lot. I don't think either of them view blood ties as the best kind of relationship one can have (despite that being a shared opinion by the public at the same time, still kind of is), rather, relationships with friends are the most important, and that's exactly what kind of relationship they have! Theyre both friends and family! I could go on bc I find a lot of comfort in their relationship but I'll stop here for now

Unpopular opinion:

Hmm not sure if this counts as an unpopular opinion but as I said earlier, he's really not just a supporting character, and his purpose for being in the story is much more than a way to show Victor's character development. I love characters that are foils for eachother, but a lot of people tend to reduce Walton to only serving the purpose of a foil for Victor and being an extremely flat character, when he's really much more than that. I kind of get into that a little bit more in the ramble I linked further up in this ask

One thing I wish would have happened:

I mean. You all KNOW what I'm going to say. I wished he would've written more in his letters about personal interactions with Victor!!! A lot of it is left up to the reader's imagination, and it's great to leave some things up to the reader when you're writing, but DAMN I'd be lying if I said I didn't want more moments between the two where Walton is just straight up gushing to Margaret in his letters about how much he loves the guy!!!! I know he's fairly oblivious to his own emotions; excusing his blatant pining as simple admiration for Victor, but that doesn't mean I can't dream about canonical scenes where he starts realizing "oh fuck do I actually love him??" My cheesy ass really out here wishing for the impossible smh