#I would lay awake at night longing to be independent and out of my parent’s house

[yearning-butch]

starting to realize i’ve spent so much of my life longing for and working towards the future and now i struggle to just. live in the present sometimes

[loliwrites]

The One You Need | five

🎶 I spent most my life thinkin’ love was out of reach, so maybe just this once, you could be the one I need, if you let me be the one you need🎶

pairing: neighbor!joel miller x f!reader  rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni  summary: when you move into town hellbent on keeping everyone at an arm’s length, your neighbor Joel finds his way into your life. warnings/tags: au, neighbor joel, age gap [reader is late 20s/early 30s, Joel is late 40s], hyper-independent reader, unannounced visitors, actual daddy issues, dysfunctional parental relationship, SMUT, brief oral [m receiving], fingering, unprotected p in v sex, general manhandling, spanking, hair pulling, choking, joel’s a closer, sweet soft aftercare, terms of endearment [sweetheart, pretty girl], female reader, no physical description, protective!joel, soft!joel, dare i say ei!joel, no use of y/n. word count: 6.4k joel miller masterlist | part four a/n: happy new years eve hunni buns! lets usher this year out and the new one in with a bang. literally and figuratively.

Joel took a long, deep breath and held it as he stretched his legs, knees cracking with the tension. He released the breath and relaxed his sore body all at the same time. His lower back was screaming with tightness. The sort that ensured he knew he was no longer as young as he once had been. The kind that told him he never would be again.

Blinking languidly and taking an extra moment to get himself awake, he found himself in an unfamiliar place. It took a couple seconds, and the sight of the stray bolt on the nightstand, until he remembered where he was. In your home. With you. He turned over to lay his gaze upon you; to catch you sleeping. But getting onto his back, quickly noticed that you were no longer in bed beside him. For long enough by this point for your side to have grown cold in the morning air. Joel glanced at the clock unhurriedly. 7:54. Far later than was normal for him. Though partaking in the activities from the previous night hadn’t been normal in his recent history either. 

He got out of bed cautiously so as to not aggravate an already angry back. A groan ripped through his chest when he bent over to grab his jeans and slid​​ them up his legs, opting to leave them unzipped and unbuttoned around his hips as he strode for the bedroom door. All seemed quiet in the house, save for the knocking of some cabinets and silverware. Joel yawned and rubbed his eye with his fist, afterward trailing that hand up to his skewed hair for a scratch. He found you with the noise. Back to him, in front of the coffee machine, with a line of cups in front of you.

Approaching silently, you made no notion of being aware he was there until a hand laid upon your ass. Lips followed suit to the side of your head.

“Morning,” he mumbled, voice deep and gravelly. He squeezed his fingers into the flesh of your backside where you’d traded in being naked for his t-shirt and a pair of cotton pants.

“Hand off ass,” you grimaced through your teeth.

He pulled his hand away and held it up as innocently as possible, staring down at you with a worried gaze. What had happened between late last night and early this morning?

“What’s wrong?”

You huffed and let your shoulders sag. Maybe if you collapsed to the floor, everyone would just leave your house and you could carry on with life. But Joel replaced his hand on you, this time on your mid-back and you only tensed up a little, though was sure he noticed. “My mom and dad are here,”

Joel turned his head to the side as subtly he could muster and snuck a peek of a pair of men’s shoes in the living room he’d never seen before. He looked back at you, “take it we’re not happy about their arrival,”

A glare in his direction was answer enough. “I left because of them,”

He nodded as if assuring you that he needed no explanation. “I’ll get out of your hair. Come ‘round when they leave,”

“No, don​’t go,” you rested your hands on his stomach. “They might behave better if someone else is in the house,”

He let out a breath and seemed to look down at you, authoritatively. You were leaving him in a bit of a situation – if only because you were currently in the shirt he’d come over in. “Still got my other shirt you stole?”

“I didn’t steal it!”

He let out a low hmph.

“It’s in my dresser. Middle drawer on the left,”

If you’d seen it coming, or had any inclination of it, you probably would’ve resisted, but when Joel leaned in to kiss you, it caught you so off guard that you had no other instinct than to kiss him back. To allow his lips to brush over yours softly at first, and then find their placing with more force. A clear sign to any potential onlookers that this is where I belong, against her lips.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

Sitting across from your parents reminded you of every reason why you’d left, and reignited feelings in your body you thought you’d banished after moving away and creating your own little world here. Granted it had only been a month, but your body had felt lighter, your mind freer. Nothing like mom and dad to get you back to feeling inadequate and insignificant. You knew they loved you. Sure of it. But dad was loud and mom was… weak. And from it was born every fucked up conception and fear you had of relationships. Mom and dad made relationships look like a thing to avoid like the plague. To ward them off  any way you could. No price was too large if it meant keeping someone at bay. Someone who may know the dark and scary things about you and then eventually use them against you without so much as a breath or a blink of an eye. To willingly show someone your weaknesses knowing they would inevitably stab you in the back with them…? Why would anyone want a relationship?

It was some point within your father’s rant of how your home was just okay – “I mean, this isn’t what I would’ve done. I would’ve changed this… this is falling apart… you spent how much? For this…?” – that you realized Joel had apparently made himself mighty comfortable in your bedroom. Safely stowed away behind a closed door. Not that you wanted to subject him to the horrors that were the humans who gave you life, but if he’d at least make his earthly presence known, maybe your dad would cool the fuck off.

“For that price you could’ve found something a little nicer somewhere in the valley.” Your dad continued on one of his rants that you’d learned to tune out. Picked at an invisible fuzz on the shirt you wore. “No use coming out here. I’m sure peak summer’s just about the most awful thing. And winter? Gonna be miserable…”

The clearing of a throat saved you. Lifted you from this realm and tossed you into a different one. A better one. All three of you looked up at the same time, but only you smiled when you laid eyes upon Joel standing in the threshold. Arms dangling at his sides, almost uncomfortable with their lack of something to do.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he glanced at your father, not giving heads or tails of what he was really thinking. He took a couple steps into the room, jutting his thumb back over his shoulder, “gotta grab some stuff from my place to fix your door.”

You hopped up from your seat and met him halfway. “I have tools,” sounding too eager to keep him on the perimeter of your property.

“As much as I love that floral screwdriver, it’s gonna take a bit more,” he pursed his lips together, eyes darting over your face to pick up any intricacies of your expression. “Y’good?”

A nod was all you could muster. A weak thing that bowed your head until your eyeline was even with Joel’s chest. You’d turn back to your parents as soon as he turned to leave, but not a moment before then. Why return to that when you could live here for just a little bit longer, almost like you could pretend they weren’t there at all. And in the pause, Joel lifted a hand and curled it to the back of your neck, fingers pressing against skin to inch you closer to him. Just close enough for him to lay a gentle kiss on your forehead. He lingered there with a deep inhale. And having grown uncomfortable with the closeness and perceived intimacy in front of your parents, you pulled away and looked up at him. 

You weren’t sure what he was thinking at that moment. Wasn’t sure of his game plan or endgame. But in the split-second you pulled away from his lips on your forehead, he leaned back in and pressed a quick peck to your lips. And his slight smirk after he stood back to his full height and left was all you needed to see. He’s gonna get the shit slapped out of him.

The front door clicked back in place before you turned back toward your parents to face the questions you knew were coming.

“Who was that?” Your mom asked. She speaks! She breathes! She lives!

“The handyman,”

“You kiss your handyman?” Good question, dad.

“He’s also my neighbor,”

“You kiss your neighbors?”

Instead of answering and opting to sit back down, it gave your dad time to interject yet again.

“He’s kind of old,”

“What’re you doing here? I’d appreciate a heads up,”

Your mom sat forward, “sweetheart, we just wanted to see how you were doing.”

Somehow that name didn’t sound as nice as it did when it came off of Joel’s tongue. And you also knew that wasn’t entirely it. They hadn’t cared to stop by and see how you were doing when you lived in the same town as them. Never dropped in to check out your apartment there. Really you knew it was because the version of you they once held so much control over had slipped away. And with the distance from your move, it seemed that you’d slipped away entirely. Despite dad’s total lack of emotion and mom’s “woe-is-me” attitude, you knew they knew it, too. You’d never be coming back to “old home”.

The front door creaked back open and you turned your head to watch the newcomer who went to great lengths to avoid eye contact. He’d changed out of the t-shirt and into a green flannel, the sleeves halfway rolled up and his renewed presence only halted your dad momentarily from talking about himself.

A fleeting thought passed through your brain about what Joel thought of all this. Did he think you were being too hard on your family? Did he think they were absolute nuts? Did he get why the choice between staying or uprooting your life was an easy one? But mostly you thought about how you didn’t want him to think differently of you because of your parents. You didn’t want him to see shades of you in them and have that change his perception. They were never meant to be here. And you’d moved across the country to have a better chance at that being reality.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

Despite many failed attempts, you finally urged your parents out of the house come evening by insisting there were a few work deadlines you were behind on. Work was always the perfect excuse because they never care to understand what it was you did anyway. They made a half-hearted mention about swinging by tomorrow before their flight, but you made up another excuse about work and knew they wouldn’t fight it. You locked the door behind them and turned, coming face to face with Joel, who stood a few feet away from you, twirling the oven bolt in his fingers.

The only thing you knew to do was take a breath, so you did. Let it sit and linger in your chest hoping he’d be the one to break the silence.

“Back door’s fixed,”

Ever the gentleman.

With a grateful nod, you approached him. The urge to slap him silly had worn off – long after your parents had grown inquisitive of him. You bowed your head forward and rested it against his chest; the feel of his heartbeat serving as a new exercise in grounding. He wrapped an arm around you, hand settling on your ass again, pride swelling in him when you didn’t reprimand it away as you had earlier.

“You wanna talk about it?” A pause was punctuated with his fingers squeezing your backside. Keeping your head firmly against his chest, you shook it. “Y’wanna help me fix your oven?” Another pause was met with another shake of your head and the laugh that rumbled through Joel’s chest was almost enough to pull you out of the funk your parents had put you into. “How ‘bout you keep me company then, while I get to fixin’ it,”

And that you could agree to. Though not before a kiss to try and make everything better. For the first time that day, despite having spent a fantastic night together, a real, substantial kiss was able to take place. Lips meeting and parting in sync, tongues hesitant until they met each other. Even then, they remained even-paced. Like the unhurried, practiced ministrations of old lovers.

He pulled away first despite a groan from you, and took your hand, leading you into the kitchen. You made for the counter and hopped up on it to supervise while he went straight for the next appliance to fix. As he bent down and opened the oven door, inspecting some of the places the bolt could’ve come from, you wondered how much money you would’ve lost at this point had he not insert himself in your life. First with your bed, then the fridge, and the back door, and now this. 

“Y’know, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go to work.”

You blinked, realizing you’d zoned out, staring at his ass. You furrowed your eyebrows, “are you implying I don’t have a job, Miller?”

“No, no. Jus’ implyin’ you’re not very good at it,” he shot you a smile. Only a momentary shift in his focus. Long enough to rile you but not long enough for you to respond before he looked back at the oven and wordlessly set the bolt at what looked to be a hole in the hinge to the oven door missing the exact part.

“I’m a copywriter,” you mused, watching as he plucked a screwdriver (one much larger and serious looking than your floral one) from his toolbox.

He started to tighten the bolt into the hole. “Oh yeah? ‘S’pretty cool,”

“Boring,”

Joel gave the bolt a couple more turns with the screwdriver before it was tightened to his liking. He sat back on his knees and closed the oven door. Fixed. “Well it got you this house, so…”

You nodded in agreement. That job had gotten you everything you’d ever wanted. A house of your own far, far away from blood relatives. A sanctuary. Peace. It had even gotten you something you didn’t think you wanted. A ridiculously attractive, handy neighbor.

Joel was back in front of you then. Hands resting on your thighs, he made a spot for himself between your legs. With you on the counter, he now found you at his height, and lowered his forehead against yours. “You wanna go out and get some dinner with me,”

Arms reached forward and wrapped around his shoulders, “when?”

“Tonight. Now,” he smirked and lifted his head just enough to place a gentle kiss to your forehead, “ya nut.”

“Like a date?”

Now he fully leaned back and cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out what was the right answer here. If he said yes, would you read far too into it and climb back into the shell he’d been working you out of? And if he said no, would you be disappointed that he didn’t want to be seen with you in public in that way? As he had done with everything thus far, he decided to go with the truth. Worst case scenario, he’d have to call you out and set you back in line. “Yes,”

And you only nodded. Your arms squeezed over his shoulders, fingertips pressing into the rippling muscles of his back. Surely a date with Joel Miller would be leaps and bounds better than your last date. “Could you do me a favor first?”

Joel smiled. His eyes flicked from yours, up to the top of your head where a piece of hair was threatening to fall loose and dangle in your eyeline. With deft fingertips, he brushed it back and nodded.

“Can you rail me?”

“Are people still saying ‘railed’?” He chuckled and stepped in closer, between your thighs. Hands grabbed on to them with intention. 

This time you were the one to push your fingers through his hair, combing through those graying curls. “I think that’s the best adjective for what I want,”

“Yeah?” He studied you, not needing to search too far to realize there was a correlation between the torrid thoughts in your head about your parents, and you wanting him to knock them out. “I think I might be able to do that,” he grinned, partially disheartened. There was doubt on his end whether his body would fail that specific task after the day he’d spent bent over fixing your back door. “Might have to cut an old man some slack,”

You smiled softly and brushed your fingers through his hair again. With a nod and the hooking of your ankles around his back to cage him between your thighs, you planted a kiss to his lips. Just a chaste little thing to kick things off, knowing it wouldn’t be long before he opted to take the reins. But there was still one territory you had yet to venture into: the blowjob. And perhaps that wasn’t necessarily the go-to first step on the road to getting railed, but you were anxious to check it off the list. A nervousness bubbling at the surface even as you pressed against his stomach and inched him a couple steps back. In your eyes you had every right to be. Though you’d never been flat out told you were bad at it, it was never high on your list of pleasurable things to do and you were sure your general lack of enthusiasm around the act was picked up on by the men on the receiving end. Yet in this moment, you still knelt to the floor in front of him, hands fumbling with his jeans as the nerves manifested by causing your fingers to tremble.

“That’s alright, you don’t have to,” Joel whispered, undoubtedly picking up on your anxiety. He even covered your hands with one of his, giving the permission to stop.

The out was appreciated but it didn’t keep you from the task you’d put yourself to. Despite his hands in the way, you managed to unbutton his jeans and slide the zipper down with skill you didn’t even know you had. “I want to,”

“Y’sure?”

You tilted your head to the side and glanced up at him. That’s all it took. Because you both knew you wouldn’t have gotten on your knees in the first place if you hadn’t genuinely wanted to be there. And before you lost the nerve to remain there, you nudged his pants down over his ass. Quiet giggles of contentment emanating from you when his hands joined in the fun and helped push the jeans down his thighs and past his knees. Now confronted with a growing (literally) situation, it was impossible for you to subdue the involuntary shiver that ran up your spine and attacked every inch of your body. You tried to dispel it by reaching for Joel’s member; the outline of it straining against his boxer briefs. But that sort of luck wasn’t on your side. Had never been on your side. And every boy you’d ever found yourself in this situation with never so much as blinked an eye before they pushed themselves into your mouth.

But this man in front of you. He was steadfastly attuned to you. Picking up on every single one of the cues. At the sight of your entire body shivering, Joel lowered his hand to the side of your face and brushed your hair away from it. He cupped your jaw and tilted your chin up until you looked up at him again. Waiting for him, you raised a hand and traced the outline of his cock in his underwear, giving it a gentle squeeze after your fingers had run its length.

“Don’t stay down there too long,” he said with a smirk, and catching your questioning look, he glided the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip. “I’m not gonna last,”

You tried to suppress a smile so as to not give him any ideas that you were going to mock him for it. The truth couldn’t be further from that. In actuality, you were flattered by the admission, and more than a little thankful that it seemed to serve as another out for you. You’d get to cross something off whatever list you’d made up in your mind, but wouldn’t have to be committed to be at it for very long. That somehow seemed to relieve some of the pressure you’d put on yourself.

“Get to work, pretty girl,” he murmured, taking you out of whatever inner monologue had you so preoccupied. “Just a taste,”

Focused back at his waist, you peeled back his underwear, reaching in with your free hand to take him out of the tight fabric. It wasn’t the first time you were seeing the sheer size of him but being on it face first now made it seem that much bigger. How you ever managed to fit it inside you was one thing. How you’d fit it in your mouth was another. Yet you started on, pressing your lips to the underside of the head softly, and moving down his length with brief kisses. Joel let out a deep breath through his nose and let his fingertips toy with your hair. You hadn’t noticed that his eyes were glued to you until you looked up at him and caught his stare. Opening your mouth and purposefully batting your eyelashes, you took him into your mouth and let your tongue swirl around the crown. It was the first thing you did that made Joel let out a throaty groan. So you repeated the action and got the same lusty response from him. 

“That’s good, sweetheart,”

Your mouth stretched wider around him to accommodate a smile, but then you gently shook your head side to side, working your lips lower and lower on his shaft. At about halfway, you realized there was no shot of taking him in his entirety. The temptation to gag was already there and you lifted your hands to the remainder of his length to help along. But then you felt one of Joel’s hands migrate to the back of your head, tangling in your hair, and your body stiffened on instinct. Flicking your eyes upward and catching Joel with his head tilted back and jaw slack, you kept your body stiff, trying to work through that impact. Then you closed your eyes hoping that if you couldn’t see him, he wouldn’t see you, and the fear growing in your gut would dissipate. 

Maybe it was the tension in your jaw. Maybe he picked up on the tension in your entire body. Regardless, his fingers, albeit still tangled in your hair, seemed to grow gentler. A lack of pressure while still being present. “‘M’not gonna push you down on it,”

Eyes flicked back open to inspect him. A pink hue had arisen in his neck and was working its way up to his cheeks. His nostrils flared in his damnedest attempt to keep himself from thrusting deeper down your throat. Catching that his words were the truth, you relaxed once again; the anxiety fleeing every fiber of your being. Consciously back in your body and picking back up where you’d left off, you tilted your head to the side, allowing the head of his cock to press along the inside of your cheek. The sight of your mouth stretched to accommodate him resulted in a low pitched growl from Joel. Something terribly needy. Hungry. 

You noticed his eyes flutter shut while the muscles in his stomach flexed and released in a steady procession. The sinew in his forearm flexed, too, with the clenching of his fist in your hair. And given slightly more freedom by the lack of eye contact, you pulled your lips off his shaft and replaced it with quick, sloppy strokes from your hand. Your mouth was not far from him for long. Lips navigating around the way your hand held his member up, you pressed them to his balls and smirked to yourself when you saw the way his body responded when you eventually rolled your tongue over them, paying each temporary attention.

Joel kept his promise and didn’t use his grip on your hair to press you down on him, but did use it in order to pull you off of him. Your swollen lips fell open when you were forced to stare up at him, his chest heaving like his heart was trying to break free from its cage.

“That’s enough,” he growled and all but lifted you back to your feet without any help from you. 

It took him no time at all to spin you around with ass pressed back against the edge of the counter. He set one hand on the granite top behind you and cupped the other down past the waistband of your cotton pants. His fingers found your clit with practiced ease. A move he’d obviously spent the better half of his life perfecting. And no sooner did his fingers trail along your slit, your lips met each other with fervor. The barrier of your parents for the most of the day had created a feeding frenzy between you. Neither able to get as much as you wanted fast enough. Mashing of lips and tongues. Teeth grazing against soft, plush skin. You were all erratic movements and whimpering pleas to keep going. Only when Joel pressed two fingers inside of you did your mouth drop open, causing a delay. An airy gasp floated out of your lungs and into the space between.

Joel dropped his forehead to yours, eyes piercing into you though you weren’t returning his gaze. How could you? Fingers down to their last knuckle had you squeezing your eyes shut and doing your absolute best to not become a trembling mess then and there.

“Please… please,” you sobbed, fingernails digging into his back. You knew crescent-shaped marks would be littering his skin despite the flannel. You were marking him. Yours for now. Yours for tonight.

An almost sadistic smile crossed Joel’s lips. Fingers curled inside of you and sent you lurching forward, wrapping up against his chest. Legs already shaking and squeezing shut around his hand. “Look at you. Already begging f’me,” he lowered himself just enough to tuck his head to your neck, leaving love bites on your skin. “Suckin’ my cock got you so wet. Already desperate for it,”

“Joel,”

“Tell me,”

You raised your hips into the heel of his palm, finding that friction on your clit was just about the last thing you needed to get to the first climax of the evening. Fingers curled around the fabric of his shirt, tugging him close as if that was going to be the thing that’d get him to keep his fingers inside you. Really, you knew he didn’t have any intention of letting you go without them. But the new closeness, and the way he towered over you, a looming presence with broad, square shoulders diminishing any size you might’ve had… and the smell of him… You came with a whimper, unable to have forewarned him of the spring being snapped inside you. His fingers slowed only enough so as to not hurt you but never stopped entirely. Even when you tried to wriggle away from him, overstimulated. He just curled his fingers inside of you again, against the spongy front of your throbbing core, and kept you right at the edge you’d just fallen over.

“Please–God, please, fuck me,” you reached forward and wrapped your hand around his shaft again, tugging and stroking him impatiently.

“I know that mouth can do better than that,” he mocked. “Tell me,”

You could cry, wanting something far more substantial inside you than two of his fingers. “I need it, Joel. Please,” stinging tears threatened to fall from the corners of your eyes. “Want you to bend me over and fuck me,” you figured you were on the right track when he slowly eased his fingers out of your dripping hole and replaced them with quick circles over your bundle of sensitive nerves. “Want you to make it hurt,” 

While to you, you didn’t notice any hesitation on Joel’s end. He just spun you around and bent you over the countertop. He kicked your feet out from under you until you were being held up solely by the counter and the press of his hips. But he had clocked your words. Make it hurt. Knew he wanted to remember that. Knew he wanted to talk about that at some later time. 

Make it hurt.

He grabbed your wrists and secured them behind your back with one of his hands while his other went to the base of his cock and notched it at your entrance. Still dripping from your first orgasm, it was enough to not notice the stretch from the head too greatly. But then he moved that hand to the back of your head and pressed against it, holding you down on the countertop. You were defenseless. Unable to move at all. Hands rendered useless and body being held in place for every one of his whims. And there wasn’t any time to process before he snapped his hips forward and buried himself inside you to the hilt. Bottomed out in one fell swoop. A scream erupted from your throat, very nearly feeling like your vocal cords would be on their way to being shredded. Joel shushed you; a hiss between clenched teeth, only giving a second for your string of loud breaths to sound a little less pained before he began to move, stretching you to the max with each drag and push.

It didn’t take long for those screams and breaths to quiet down to nothing. Just a mouth gaping open, sucking wind as his length rubbed against the deepest parts of you. He wasn’t holding back. He was doing just as you’d asked. He was making it hurt. But your quietness was thwarted by his hand coming down hard against your ass. It was only then that you’d realized he’d removed it from the back of your head. A deep gasp filled your lungs with fresh air. The smack had left a sting and burn on your skin, and the returned noise from you spurred Joel on. 

He landed another spank to the opposite cheek, flesh bouncing beneath it from both his hand and the press of his cock. “You like that, huh?” Another spank, this time his hand didn’t pull away on the impact, and instead his fingers dug into your fleshy backside, “look even prettier with my handprint on ya’.” His hips faltered, progress stuttered when you clenched around him, pulling him deeper. He used that momentum to lean forward and bite into the back of your shoulder, “good fuckin’ girl. So fuckin’ tight. Love it so much,”

“It’s yours,” you panted, legs having gone completely out beneath you. You were sure you’d crumble to the floor if he parted from you. Your pulse pounded in your ears.

“Hmm?” he hummed, burying his face in the back of your head, “I’m gonna come.”

“I’m yours. It’s all yours,”

A particularly hard thrust squished you against the counter, your hipbone colliding with it. You yelped and you weren’t sure if it was from the painful impact on your hip or the feeling of Joel spilling into you. He kept himself deep. Short thrusts to fill you with his spend, and only once he’d finished pushing it into you as deep as he could, did he pull out. Though you hadn’t come, you felt well-fucked despite it. Not even missing the rush of a second orgasm. But no sooner had he pulled out, were you being whirled around, facing him now; your ass notched at the cool, stone countertop. He stared endlessly into your eyes and pushed himself back inside you without a second thought. Only when he’d sheathed himself in completely and caught your off-kilter expression, did he move his hand up to your neck, fingers squeezing either side of it.

“Didn’t think we were done, did you, sweetheart?” He squeezed your neck a little tighter and you reached up to hold onto his wrist. You applied no pressure to get him to loosen his grip, just kept it there for the contact. “I know this pussy’s got one more orgasm in her,”

A guttural moan left your body. The new angle was far more conducive to your pleasure. The base of him rubbing up against your clit. Your eyes blinked languidly, threatening to stay closed, but Joel used his grasp on your neck to shake you. Once your eyes fully opened again, he brought his free hand to the back of your head and gave your hair a generous tug.

“C’mon, pretty girl. You can do it. Soak me,”

He mashed his lips back to yours and licked his way into your mouth. It was everything you wanted. Needed. The overwhelmingness of his size. The dominance. The control. Your walls fluttered around him and he urged you on some more. Words of encouragement matched by the strengthening of his hold on your throat or the one in your hair. And when you came, eyes drifting shut and remaining so, body convulsing and squeezing his length, you felt his hands loosening their hold on you. Not leaving completely, but certainly not applying any type of pressure as they had just previously been. 

Your body went limp in his arms. Had it not been for your heavy breaths, he might’ve thought he’d done some actual damage. But your breaths were trying to grow steadier and were mixed with the whimpers of someone who’d asked for one thing, had gotten it, and now needed something else entirely. 

Joel pressed his lips to the side of your head, lingering against your temple as he carefully stepped out of his pants and underwear that had bunched up at his ankles. You groaned at the soft jostling it created for, and Joel just hushed you and tucked his arms around your back and beneath your knees. He lifted you up and kept you cradled to his chest where you complained again. This time a quick mention of his back.

“I got’cha, sweetheart,” he bounced you in his arms just once to get a better hold on your body. “Don’t worry about it,”

Eyes completely shut, too heavy to keep them open for very long, you knew he was carrying you to the bathroom. This man and your pH balance. You wrapped your arms around his neck and held on to him as tightly as you could, wanting no amount of separation. But before you knew it, you felt the cold porcelain of the toilet beneath you. Joel’s hands uncurling your arms from around his neck, then moving to the hem of your shirt and pulling it off, over your head. Soon thereafter, he unhooked your bra and slid it off your arms. 

Concern started to work its way into Joel’s bones. The sight of you, nearly swaying to the side when he released you completely. He made quick work of turning the shower on, fearing you’d topple to the side and hit your head on the way down. Returning to you with urgency, he crouched down and brushed your hair away from your neck, searching for any marks he’d left behind. “Y’alright?” He whispered, finding some red patches on your skin but none too definitive to be seen as marks from his fingers.

Eyes still closed, you pressed a smile, “good.” You blinked your tired eyes open, looking down at your feet as Joel unraveled your pants from around your ankles that had been hanging on by a thread. “You hurt me like I asked you to,”

His eyes flicked up to you. Make it hurt. The words he was holding onto. He held onto these new ones too, keeping them for later. “Maybe too much,” he murmured, gathering a wipe from on top of the toilet tank.

“No,”

Though you’d said it in earnest, he had a hard time believing it. Your eyes were mostly closed. But his eyes were seeing all the consequences of the way he’d handled you. Thinking better of fighting you on that, he helped you up from the toilet. His body kept you upright while he wiped along your slit, cleaning up the mess he’d so haphazardly made. You were pliant in his arms, willing to trust that he’d take care of you as he always had, despite the new territory you’d ventured into today with each other. 

He led you to the shower and carefully peeled his flannel shirt from his body while helping maintain your balance. As he helped you in and kept his chest flush to your back, he caught sight of the bruise forming on the left side of your hip and knew it had been his doing. Easing down to the floor, both sat at the end of the steady stream of water, warm against you both from the shower and from Joel’s body heat. You let your head fall back against his shoulder, turning in toward his neck.

“Sure you’re alright?” He set his cheek down on top of your head and wrapped his arms around you, “I marked you up pretty good.”

“I’m okay,” you insisted. “I don’t break easily,”

“No, I don’t suppose you do.”

Now with open eyes, you tilted your head back and looked up at him. Your smile caught his worried expression and you hoped to dispel it. He’d only done as you asked. And so perfectly so. Maybe he’d ask you about it somewhere down the line. Why you’d asked him to make it hurt? Why had that been the chosen wording? It was evident in his eyes now that he likely wouldn’t be so accommodating to comply the next time you asked him to make it hurt. Yet you raised your hands and curled them behind his head to get him closer to you. Close enough to kiss. Slowly. Tenderly. Quiet assurance that he was still the good man you knew him to be.

[missluckycharms]

please harry and yn would put the kids to bed and hope for a romantic night but one of the cock blockers would come in and be like ‘cuddle?🥺’

I love how we’re calling them cock blockers now 😭😭

“They’re all asleep, we’re fine.” Harry says quietly, closing their bedroom door, this was his third time checking on Bentley and the two boys.

“Are you sure? We don’t wanna traumatise them.” Y/N says as Harry shushes her with a kiss, hopping into bed beside her and covering them both over, giggles and kisses being shared as he leans over her, ready to get on top of her when the door slowly opens.

Harry immediately jumps away from her, sticking to his side of the bed with a guilty look as Cruz stands at their door holding his teddy, looking at them both with big eyes as he smiles around his dummy.

“Cuddle?” He asks softly, he tends to come into their bed more than Cooper or Bentley, he’s formed an attachment to them both and they fear it’ll get worse as he grows older, he’s just so emotional and clingy to his parents while Cooper and Bentley are two independent kids.

“Sure baby boy, come on then.” She sighs, helping him up into the middle of her and Harry as the small boy lays down, smiling around his dummy at his parents as Harry shuts off the light.

“Missed you.” Cruz softly whispers to Y/N, his hand on her cheek as she smiles rubbing her hand over his hair to soothe him asleep.

“Missed you too my boy.” She whispers back, kissing his forehead as he nuzzles into her chest.

“I’m here too, you know.” Harry let’s out a laugh as Cruz giggles, Y/N swatting Harry’s chest because he just made a sleepy Cruz more awake by his laughing.

“Hey! Just wanna cuddle too…” harry trails off, Y/N opening her arm for her boyfriend so now Cruz is against her chest with Harry behind him, her arm over them both while her free arm rests on Harry’s pillow playing with his long curls.

“Goodnight, my two messers.” She laughs softly, the pair looking at her with identical big green eyes as they whisper it back, Harry smiling more at her as Cruz shuts his eyes.

“So much for a romantic night.” Harry mumbles, his voice deep as Y/N laughs quietly, looking at him.

“This was your doing too, takes two to tango.” She fireback, Cruz now fast asleep in the middle of them both.

“And I’d do it again!”

[wonderwomanfantasy]

melting point

a part two to snowfall

Werewolf! Bakugou x Deaf!Reader

warnings: none? some suspenseful stuff that's about it

word count: 1,000 (about)

summary: what a sweet little thing you are, perfect for some big bad wolf to come to snatch you up, luckily Bakugou is there to protect you. 

As the snow settled, and the trade fair came to an end several things changed about your little town, where change so rarely occurred. The first was a foreseeable change, your family came into a bit of money after selling you wears, assuring your family would have a comfortable winter and spring. The second was that the blonde man you’d happened to run into decided to settle on a plot of land previously unoccupied. The last change was the wolf attacks. 

As far as you knew there was never a problem with wolves before, but now chickens and even cattle were being found half-eaten. It was horrible really, the thought alone of some bloodthirsty dog stalking somewhere nearby. 

Even with how scared you were, at least you kept your head about yourself. Some other townsfolk went as far as to say that it wasn’t a wolf, but a monster. You burst out laughing when you first heard that. Monsters were things for kids, tall tails that served as a warning to stay out of the woods at night. You were surprised at how seriously some people were taking that idea. 

You watched as two old women talked, catching bits of their conversation as they turned to you. 

“- I tell my kids to stay in at night- once the sun sets they have to be home,” 

“-with that beast out there- Carlson lost two sheep last week,” 

You shook your head and continued on your way. There were plenty of hunters in town, you felt safe knowing one of them would catch the animal responsible. 

You turned your head up to the glacious sky. It was the cold bitter part of winter, no snow or cheer, just waiting for spring to come. 

Luckily for you, you looked down at where you were going before you started walking again. Bakugou Katsuki was standing right in front of you. You gasped and stumbled back almost falling, luckily he wrapped an arm around your waist catching you. His smirk seemed to say  “we really should stop meeting like this,”

You squirmed and he released you “watch where you’re going,” he signed you felt your face heat up with embarrassment. 

“I could tell you the same,” you shot back, He just smiled at you and brushed past you. You glowered at him as he passed until you realized that he was carrying a stack of logs over one of his shoulders, then your face soffened. Just how strong was he? 

You couldn’t seem Bakugou, you supposed that it had been so long since anyone had moved into town that any new fae stood out, but it seemed like he was everywhere. He seemed to frequent the butchers at the same time you did, you found him buying thick woolen sheets from your mother one day then had to buy firewood from him the next, and of course, he was always there to catch you when you tripped. 

And even though he was cocky, arrogant, and angry, you found yourself falling for him. There was just something that drew you to him and you found you didn’t mind seeing him so often. 

“A defenseless girl like you shouldn’t be in the woods this late,” bakugou signed to you, appearing out of nowhere as he so often did. You straightened quickly and crossed your arms. The worst part is you knew he was right. Your parents would have a heart attack if they knew that you were lost in the trees this close to sunset.

The truth was your father had asked you to set some simple snare traps in hopes of catching a rabbit or two as a test of your independence and well, you’d gotten a little turned around. A completely understandable mistake. 

The harsh January wind whirled around you, biting at your face and piercing your clothes like knives. “Don’t you know there’s a monster in these woods? What if he caught you and gobbled you up?”  he was teasing you. And you didn’t much appreciate it, but still, he probably knew the way back to town. 

“But you’re here to protect me aren’t you?” you signed taking a step closer and putting your hand on his broad chest. For a moment he just stood there in awe, you had to admit it was pleasant seeing him so caught off guard. 

He mouthed something that looked like “that’s right” and took your hand leading you out of the darkening woods. He even stayed back so you could show up at home unoccupied sparing you your pride. You thought, not for the first time, that Bakugou Katsuki would make an excellent husband. 

It was a bitterly cold night when you saw the beast. A storm of hail and sleet beat down on your roof as wind raced around you causing the very boards of your house to shift. You were held up in the barn laying on a soft bed of hay wrapping your two goats in blankets and tucking their ears into woolen hats so their ears wouldn’t freeze. Your mother swore they would be fine, they were tough old things after all. But you had grown up with these goats, and it broke your heart to think of them succumbing to frostbite. 

When you came into the barn they had been shivering and huddled in a pile of hay, reaffirming your decision to come here in the first place. You rested with them for a moment, building up the courage to brave the elements again. 

The barn door shuddered as the rain beat down on it before it burst open. You jolted, falling backward into a pile of straw. Your sweet goats cowering behind you. And as the hail pelted your face, you saw it in the dark of the night. A set of glowing eyes and a hulking massive body creeping towards you. 

You’d never seen a wolf, but surely this was too big to be a wolf, four times the size of a normal dog. The creature bore his teeth in a horrid snarl coming to the entry of the barn filling the doorway. You trembled and prayed that someone would come to save you. There was no way you could escape. 

But suddenly the wolf shifted, tilting its head to the side and dropping the intimidating sneer. His approach seemed much less intimidating, but that didn’t stop you from crying as he came face to face with you. His hot breath beating on your face. He snorted and turned leaving the barn. You stood on shaky legs and ran as fast as you could back to the house, shaking your father awake to messily sign to him what had happened.

 It only took a day for the news of another attack to spread through the town like wildfire, and this time you didn’t feel like correcting anyone when they called it a monster. 

“I heard you fought the beast,” Bakugou teased, you had heard that too, the story had been tweaked along the way that you had bravely managed to escape instead of the monster simply leaving you alone. 

“You really are a handful, always getting yourself into trouble aren’t you?” he teased. You were used to his teasing by now but it still made you heat up with embarrassment

“And I suppose you could do any better?” you signed angrily

“I could,” he stated matter of factly. You deflated a little, of course, he was right. He was so strong and self-confident you knew he could have done much better in your shoes. 

“And if you married me, I could protect you too,” he signed leaving you stunned, had he really just proposed to you in the middle of teasing you for being a weakling?

Bakugou smiled to himself as you gingerly walked into his embrace, placidly accepting his marriage proposal. You were such a scared little rabbit, he almost felt bad. Of course, he would never hurt you or scare you like that again, you were his mate after all. He wouldn’t have even come to your barn if the rain hadn’t been obscuring your delicious smell. 

Now that he had your heart all he had to do was win over your father, and with how well he’d ingratiated himself to your family that shouldn’t be hard at all. What a sweet little rabbit you were, trapped in the arms of a wolf.

[dreamingofaizawa]

A Dragon’s Bride

Dragon Prince! Bakugo Katsuki x Fem! Fae Princess! Reader

Fanstasy AU

***18+ Fic***

If you are not 18 years old, you are not old enough to ride. Please exit the line and find another. Thank you and have a good day.

Warnings: Arranged marriage, smut, soft to rough sex, light fluff. Characters are aged up, Bakugo and reader are the same age.

Word Count: 4.7k

Author’s Note: So I had this idea after reading other fantasy AU fics, and I just really wanted a soft Bakugo. I know he’s an angry moody mf but idgaf aight? I didn’t wanna get super descriptive with the smut, just cause I wanted it to be more like ‘lovemaking’ than just sex, you feel me? Sorry if the pace is a little weird, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time on this lmao. Anyway, here’s dragon boi Bakubitch.

Enjoy the read~

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As the youngest daughter of the Fae King and Queen, you knew it was only a matter of time before you were put in an arranged marriage. Your eldest brother had taken his Fae wife and would ascend to the throne in due time, and your older sister had already been married off to the Elven Prince Shouto.

Despite knowing you’d need to marry for political ties, you hadn’t expected to be sent off quite so soon. Your 19th birthday had passed only a few days ago, and that was when the news was broken to you. You were to be married to the Dragon Prince Katsuki Bakugo, soon to be the Dragon King, for his parents had expressed their wish to step down as royals rather early for Dragons of their age. 

The journey was rather long, even as you flew with your guards in a beeline to the lands of the Dragons. Throughout the weeklong trip your nerves were building and the mild fear settled into your bones. The Dragon Prince was infamous for his temper and short fuse, his anger always taken out specifically on Izuku Midoriya, the Fairy Prince from his  childhood. Your kingdom had not tied itself with the Dragons in centuries, and this alliance meant the Fae’s history of stubborn seclusion and independence would begin to diminish. This was a mission you could not afford to fail.

The final night camping was the worst. Sleep seemed to fear you, and you tossed and turned, attempting to settle your nerves. But it was to no avail. The sky began to lighten into a dull gray, signaling the coming morning. The guard came to wake you up, and soon you were bathed and back in the sky. Not having slept was of no concern, you’d gone days without sleep before and were just fine.

By midday you’d reached the edge of the Dragon kingdom, and were landing in front of the mountain castle just before sundown. The castle was gorgeous on its own, the face of it being the only exposed piece of the structure with the rest of the castle buried inside the mountain itself. The entrance was large, a platform that no doubt acted as a landing pad for the royal Dragons. Warm light poured from the large arched doorway as the huge stone doors opened as you approached.

You were greeted by the King, Queen, and the Prince himself. You sank before them in a low curtsy, pitch black wings spread out and flattened to your sides in a display of reverence. The King and Queen themselves bowed their heads toward you as a sign of respect, and when the Prince looked away indifferently, the Queen forced the boy down into a bow by grabbing his head and shoving it down, leaving you shocked. 

You were of lower rank than he, so there was no reason for him to bow his head to you. Noticing your confused state, the Dragon Queen spoke. “Rank is of little concern here, child. My son must learn a grain of respect if he is to be King.” With a small smile, you nod in understanding, too afraid to speak. Your nerves were bound to come through in your voice, and you refused to show signs of weakness in front of Dragons powerful as they.

Tonight was one of rest, and there were rooms for your royal guards to rest for the night before they had to make the journey back to Fae land. The Queen insisted you call upon a maid should you need anything, and personally escorted you to your room. Once alone, you took the time to bathe. A warm indoor spring was not something you were used to. Waterfalls were the bathing pools of choice in the Fae kingdom, though the warm water was welcome after your long journey. Soon you were in a nightgown and fast asleep in a warm bed of furs.

The next morning a maid came to wake you, and you were dressed by several handmaidens. The gown you wore was simple. A soft grey, long and flowing, with the fabric bunched at your shoulders in a sleeveless style and a low-cut back to accommodate your wings. You were escorted to the dining room, and you took the time to memorize parts of the castle.

The table itself was shorter than you expected, with only three seats on the longer sides and the usual single seats on the ends, already occupied by the King and Queen. Prince Katsuki sat to his mother’s right, and you were led to sit on her left, directly across from him. For the first time, you got a good look at the boy. 

Unruly ash blonde hair framed his face, which was chiseled and defined. His deep red eyes seemed to burn and glow like embers, and you had to look away from the intensity of his gaze on you. Your eyes were drawn to the exposed skin of his arms and collarbones, the muscles rippling underneath. You’d be lying to say he wasn’t incredibly handsome.

Through breakfast the Queen asked about your kingdom and its customs, and personal questions on how you felt about this alliance. You gave simple answers, having been trained to respond to such questions. She then walked you through the day, explaining how you’d be spending a lot of time with Katsuki not only for today, but all the way up until the wedding, which was set to take place in six months. The Prince scoffed at the idea.

“Why the hell do I even need to marry her? Why can’t I go find someone I like? I’m sure she’d rather marry someone she likes.” The Queen let out a low growl that could only be from a Dragon, directed toward her son. Her voice boomed through the hall. “Hold your tongue, boy. This alliance is important to both our kingdoms. You’ll do well to remember that.” He went silent with a snarl. She then turned her attention to you with a soft smile, the harsh edge gone from her voice.

“My apologies, dear. He can be...difficult. I hope your union can teach him some humility as well as respect for others.” With a soft smile, you nod. “I understand, my Queen. I pray I am not a burden to the Prince.” She chuckles and shakes her head as if you’d said something extremely amusing. Breakfast was soon over and you were left to spend the day alone with Prince Katsuki.

It was a rather difficult day. The Prince refused to speak, only voicing any irritation or anger he had for something he’d noticed. You were mostly quiet, in fear of angering him and possibly spoiling the union. He didn’t address you at all, and most interaction was awkward, but that was to be expected. You didn’t know each other. The King and Queen left the kingdom on a trip that was to last up until the week of the wedding, leaving you alone in the castle with the prince.

The first few weeks were relatively the same, little conversation between you and the Prince, silent meals, him angrily grumbling about one thing or another. You began to wonder if this was how life was going to be with him. It’s been nearly four months now, and he only ever addressed you briefly when he commented on one thing or another, though he was less angry lately. Tonight you lay awake in bed, stressing over whether or not you’d end up ruining this alliance. 

Sleep refused to come, and you decided rolling around in bed would do you no good. Silently, you stepped out of your room and padded through the castle aimlessly. Eventually you ended up on a lone balcony at the face of the castle, far above the entrance and off to the side, jutting out from the cliffside. The chill of the night air made gooseflesh pebble your skin, but you welcomed it. It had been a while since you’d flown.

Wrapping your night robe tight around your body and stretching your wings, you stood on the railing and leaned back, falling into the open air and sailing into the night sky. You missed the wind rushing past your feathers, whipping through your hair. It was cold, but it made you feel free and light, away from the pressure of the marriage and alliance. Little did you know a pair of red eyes were watching you from a more hidden balcony.

____

You were absolutely beautiful to him. Katsuki watched as you floated on the air. Your dark feathers barely catch the warm light from the castle, giving them a slight glint as they ruffled and moved. He watched as you darted up into the clouds, pulling your wings in and spiraling up through the thick barriers, then falling back downward with your wings stretched out below you.

You were mesmerizing, and he hated how quickly he’d grown fond of you. At first he thought you were some stuck up princess, like the Elf Prince Shouto Todoroki. But he was proven wrong rather quickly. You were intelligent, your opinions sound and logical, the complete opposite of him. He was rash and emotional, and he knew it. He soon came to respect you, though he couldn’t figure out how to speak to you for the life of him. He was always more a man of action. Words were not his forte.

But as he watched you in the night sky, he couldn’t help but be drawn to you. He wanted to fly with you, to dance with you through the air. He wanted to touch you, your skin, your feathers, even your horns. He’d never seen a Fae before, only drawings from books. Though those images were put to shame next to you. Your grace seemed unmatched, even compared to his mother, who was just as rough around the edges as he was.

He’d be embarrassed to say he observed you more than he had intended to. The way you walked as if you were floating, how you held yourself around others. Your posture was regal, poised, and yet full of humility and compliance. You looked like you understood your place in this world, like you knew why you were supposed to marry a Dragon in an arranged marriage instead of being able to choose who you loved.

His thoughts drifted as he watched you, and he found himself wanting to fly with you more and more as time passed. Unlike you, he could sprout his wings whenever he wanted, and soon his large leathery wings were fully formed, ready to lift him from his perch. And that’s exactly what he did.

____

You were so distracted with the rushing wind you didn’t notice the figure approaching you until you felt the air whoosh behind you unnaturally. Swiftly, you turned, and found a pair of glowing red eyes focused on you. Both of you stayed there, flapping softly in the wind to keep steady. He was the first to break the silence.

“It’s a bit late for you to be flying, Princess.” His unusually soft tone of voice had heat rushing to your face. You sputtered out your response, partially from his words, partially from your nerves. “I, uh, I’m sorry, my Prince. I had no idea that…uhm… that I wasn’t allowed to fly this l-late.” A deep chuckle rumbled in his chest, clearly amused. ‘Cute’ he thought to himself. “I didn’t say that, Princess. Just that it was rather late for you to be awake.” More heat flooded your face at his teasing tone.

He tilts his head, indicating for you to follow him, and he flits away, landing on the balcony you’d leapt off of. You were close behind, and landed next to him as his wings vanished into his back. A large hand was extended toward you and you took it, a bit hesitant, as he’d never engaged this much contact before. His warm hand enveloped yours, and he pulled you alongside him through the castle.

You cleared your throat quietly to speak. “Apologies, my Prince, but where are we going?” A small smirk graced his lips as he turned to you. “It’s a surprise, Princess. But I promise you’ll like it.” You gave a small nod and allowed him to guide you through the halls of the castle. He led you deep into the mountain, down corridors you hadn’t explored before, and soon you were walking down uncarved tunnels lit only by torches every few feet.

After a few minutes in the tunnels, the torches came to an abrupt stop, and you began to feel uneasy with the looming darkness. As if sensing your hesitation, the Prince turned and squeezed your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I promise I’m not dragging you to the dungeon.” His voice was playful, something you’d never heard from him before. Despite the mild discomfort of the underground depths, you trusted him and let him pull you into the darkness.

Once your eyes had adjusted, a faint glow came from somewhere further inward. He kept walking, further and further down the tunnel, and the glow consistently strengthened until you were sure you’d find the source behind each turn you took. Then he stopped, and turned to look at you over his shoulder. “You ready, Princess?” You nodded almost excitedly, and he pulled you with him around the corner. The sight before you stole the breath from your lungs.

The source of the cool glow was a gigantic cavern, the walls and ground littered with white, green, blue, and purple crystals, all glowing in the darkness, illuminating the space. The high ceiling was dotted with them as well, almost mimicking the night sky. In the center was a deep pool that reflected the light, the crystalline water perfectly still and undisturbed. Your wings ruffled as you took in the sight before you, the reaction involuntary.

In your wonder, you failed to notice the Prince had disappeared from your side. He called out to you once he had sunk into the water, and your eyes snapped over to him, heat rushing to your face in the realisation that he was naked. He seemed to sense your shyness, and let out a chuckle. “Come on, Princess. Won’t you join me?” Slowly, you made your way over to the pool, eyes focused on the steam rising from the water, and away from the very naked Prince.

You sank down to your knees a few feet from him, your wings wrapping around you slightly. From the corner of your eye you could see his head tilt at you, and you were sure he was smirking at your flustered state. With an amused hum, he turned his body away from you, giving you privacy to undress and dip into the water. Once you were in, you settled onto the ledge and hugged your knees close to your chest, your wings hiding most of your body. 

“Y-you can t-turn back around now, my Prince.” He shifted back to his original position, leaning against the edge of the natural pool and resting his arms up on the ledge, relaxing into the hot water. You were still a bit tense, not having been naked around a man before. His deep voice was playful as he spoke. “Relax, Princess. We’re to be married. I’ll see you eventually.” You could hear the teasing undertone and you hugged your knees in closer.

His eyes were now fixed on you. With a small sigh, he moved, and you squeaked as his arms wrapped under your wings and around your waist. He lifted you with ease, and positioned you to be straddled on his lap, face inches from his, strong arms holding you close. His eyes were glued to yours, and you couldn’t hold his gaze. It wasn’t the same intensity as the first time you’d looked at them. This time was a bit different, the burning in his eyes was not from anger.

A hand came up and cupped your cheek, shocking you from the gentle touch. His voice was just as gentle, soft as his eyes trailed over your features. “You’re beautiful, Princess.” Your wings puffed up slightly at his words, and his eyes snapped to them at the movement. “Can I touch them?” The question shocked you a bit, but you nodded, not trusting your voice. 

The hand that was on your face reached out and pet your feathers, gliding down your wing gently. Nobody had really touched your wings other than you, and it was only to clean them. This was a new sensation, and your wings shook lightly as your shoulders tensed a bit. Katsuki’s ministrations froze, and his voice turned slightly serious. “What is it? Did I hurt you?” 

You blinked at him before shaking your head. “No, no of course not. It’s just...nobody has ever touched my wings before…” He seemed to relax at that. Still, his hand pulled away from your wing in favor of holding your waist. He held you closer, and your breath hitched slightly at the close proximity, your noses inches apart. His breath was warm on your face. “You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to hold you close like this, Princess.”

Your eyes widened at his words and he laughed a bit. “I’ll admit, Princess, you’d captured my attention rather quickly. I never quite knew how to talk to you. But I am impatient, and couldn’t wait to hold you.” You were giddy from his confession, and you leaned forward, burying your face into his neck and pressing your body into his. 

Up until now, your focus had been on the marriage and the alliance and making sure it went well. But now, knowing it would work out, you allowed your feelings to come into play. From the beginning you’d been taken with the handsome Prince. Within the first month you were no doubt falling for him. His attitude and personality was rather brash, but he was never aggressive toward you. Sure, he didn’t speak to you, but his actions spoke much louder.

He was a gentleman more often than not, holding doors open, escorting you to and from meals, even occasionally gifting you gowns and jewelry. You’d kept your emotions in check, though you knew by now you’d fallen head over heels for the man. Now, his arms tightened around you and you breathed in each other’s scents. His fingers massaged the skin in between your wings, and your body shuddered. It felt...good. Really, really good. You mewled into his shoulder, enjoying the new sensation.

You could feel him smirk into your neck as his fingers dug into the fluffy feathers at the base of your wings. With a gasp, your wings extended out behind you and fluffed up, all the feathers ruffling as you pressed your body tighter to his. A warmth began to build in your abdomen and between your legs, and you squirmed a bit, unsure what the feeling was.

His hands released your feathers and gripped your hips with a low hiss. “Quit your squirming, Princess. I don’t think I can control myself right now.” His voice was deep, and slightly strained. You lifted your head to look in his eyes, and his pupils were dilating, red irises now small rings. “What do you mean, my Prince?” His eyebrows raised slightly before his lips curled into a smirk. He brought your hips down, grinding you down onto him. 

That was when you felt it, his hardness rubbing against your thigh. A small gasp escaped your lips and heat bloomed from your chest up to your cheeks. He watched as your pupils matched his, irises disappearing into blackness. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips onto yours in a passionate kiss. When he finally let go you were both panting, and he leaned his forehead against yours. “Angel. My Angel.”

His eyes burned into your own as he spoke, his voice almost pleading. “Let me take care of you tonight.” You barely managed to nod before his lips were on yours again, this time hungry and wild. His tongue prodded at your lips and you let them part, let him explore your cavern in a mess of tongue and teeth. Without breaking the kiss his hands grabbed your thighs and began to lift, and your arms wrapped tight around his neck as he lifted you both from the warm water and walked.

You had no idea where he was taking you until he leaned and placed you down on soft pelts. Surprised, you pulled away to look around. The bed was situated behind a mass of towering crystals, hidden from the entrance. The blue glow illuminated the blonde’s face as he hovered above you, highlighting his features. You took a moment to admire just how beautiful he is, before his lips were on yours again.

His hands wandered freely now, groping the flesh at your hips and thighs, fingers massaging the soft skin there as his lips trailed down your neck and along your collarbones and shoulders. A thick finger found its way to your dripping core, and you let out a gasp at the feeling. You’d never laid with a man before, however you had to learn how to please one through books. You wondered briefly if the Prince had any real experience, before your mind was brought back to the moment as his finger pushed into you.

It wasn’t painful, and the mewl you let out let the blonde know you enjoyed it. His tongue attacked your pert nipples as distraction as he pressed another thick digit at your entrance, pushing it into your tight walls. A hiss escaped you from the slight burn, the stretch something you weren’t used to. Nothing had ever been inside you like this, the feelings foreign but pleasurable all the same.

His fingers maneuvered inside you, scissoring and curling and pumping until you were a panting moaning mess beneath him. His thumb dipped down into your wetness before reaching up to rub at the little bundle of nerves, making you flinch with the sudden jolt of pleasure, your wet walls clamping down on his fingers. A tightness built quickly in your abdomen the longer he kept his ministrations, and he leaned up to whisper in your ear. 

“I can feel you gripping me. Cum for me, sweet girl.” His mouth attached to your neck and sucked, adamant to leave a mark. It only took a few more moments for you to fall apart around the man’s fingers, legs and wings trembling, moans echoing through the cave. When you had come down from that high, he pulled his fingers from you and licked them clean, a deep groan pouring from his lips. 

Wrapping your legs around his waist, he lines himself up with your core, grasping your hip in one hand. “Are you ready for me, Angel?” Grabbing at the furs underneath you, you nod. “I’m ready, my Prince.” Slowly, he pushes himself into you, panting and growling, jaw clenched hard. The stretch burns, but only slightly, and soon you’re moaning and mewling beneath him. Finally fully seated inside you, his head drops to your shoulder and his arms wrap around you, holding you tight against him.

His breath is hot, blooming over your shoulder and neck, lips and tongue attacking the skin there. He holds his hips still, flush against yours, giving you time to adjust to him. When your walls relax around him, he begins to pump into you, shallow thrusts grinding himself into your walls. As he moves, his hands crawl up your back, fingers tangling into the base of your wings and massaging gently, making you moan out and wrap your arms around his neck.

He keeps his pace steady, but you can hear the strain in his breathing and feel his jaw clenched tightly. He’s holding back, and you don’t want him to. “Please, don’t hold back. I want all of you, Katsuki.” His movements stilled, you never used his name before. Pulling back, he peered down into your eyes as your hands held his face.

“You can have all of me, Angel, if you’ll be mine.” You leaned up and kissed him sweetly, “I’m already yours, my King.” A deep growl rumbled in his chest at your words, “Then you will have all of me.” He pulled his hips back and snapped back into you, setting a quick pace. Your breath came in pants and moans, the pleasure wracking through your body stealing the air from your lungs. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the cave, along with moans and growls and the smell of sex.

His arms held you tighter, fingers continuously digging into your feathers, lips latching onto your neck between heavy breaths. “Mine. My Angel, mine, mine. I love you my Angel.” You moaned out, your voice soft in his ear. “I love you my King. I’m yours, all yours forever.” His pace became erratic, and a hand came between your bodies to rub at the little nub between your folds. Only a few tight circles around it had you cumming and clamping down hard around his length, and he thrust into you hard. 

A few more thrusts and he stilled himself, letting out a deep guttural moan as he spilled his seed inside you, holding your body tight to his. He rolled over, laying you on top of him without removing his length from you. Your wings stretched out behind you, falling limp at your sides once they were relaxed. Katsuki peppered kissed along your hairline, whispering sweet nothings as your breaths calmed.

After a long, comfortable silence, he spoke. “Are you alright, Angel?” You smiled and kissed at his chest. “Never better, my King.” He hummed, the sound vibrating through your body. “We should get back to the main castle. The maids will panic if we’re missing.” You giggled at the thought of the maids running around like headless chickens searching for the two of you. With a nod, you sat up, and he lifted you off of him.

You swung your legs over the side of the bed and pushed up, but your legs were weak and gave way to your weight. Katsuki caught you easily, and scooped you up like you weighed nothing. After bathing in the pool once more, you both dressed and he carried you with him to his chambers, and you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

The next couple months you spent nearly all your time together. You sit side by side during meals, talk regularly, and spend free time alone on a balcony or in the crystal cave. As you spend time with him, you notice things about him you never would have guessed before. He’s extremely perceptive, smarter than his angry demeanor would lead most to believe. He hates lying, hates secrets and deceit, which showed through when he explained why he was so against the arranged marriage at first. 

The news was sprung on him only hours before you arrived, and he was angry that his parents had kept it secret from him. You noticed he was rather protective and liked skin contact, holding you tight to his body whenever he got the chance. He was thoughtful, his gifts were never useless, always something he was sure you would use and appreciate. Your favorite was the many custom jewels he had crafted for your horns. Some a delicate array of dainty silver chains and gems that glittered and swayed as you walked. Others golden wire, mimicking vines and leaves that twisted around and hugged your horns.

That was when you noticed his infatuation with your horns. He’d touch them often when your head was on his lap, tracing the intricate texture with his fingertips. He didn’t find them grotesque or intimidating like most others did, instead he found them beautiful and magical. He never tried to cover them, always adorning them with sparkling gems and glittering metal to accentuate the deep ebony.

He was curious, constantly asking questions about you, your home, and your customs. You grew to love the man more and more with every passing day, and as the wedding came and went you had no reserved feelings about the union. You loved Katsuki, the Dragon Prince, and he loved you, the Fae Princess. He was your King, and you were his Angel, and neither of you would have it any other way.

[thetravelerwrites]

Alexei (Part 2) Lemon

Rating: Mature Relationships: Female Human/Male Satyr Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Satyr, Arranged Marriage, Fake Marriage, Strangers to Lovers, Reader Insert, Illness Words: 6143

A commission for @thebimess​​! A sudden illness changes the nature of the reader's and Alexei's relationship. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

You left the next morning before Alexei woke, as usual, but the walk to the bathhouse, which was only across the street, was more difficult than it had been before. Within an hour, you felt exhausted and weak, as if there were steel bands constricting your chest, preventing you from taking a full breath. There was a sharp pain in your side every time you breathed in.

“You don’t sound well,” Your work neighbor, Ellie, said. “There’s a nasty whistle when you take a breath. Are you alright, lovie?”

“Yes, I’m alright,” You lied. “Don’t worry about me, I can carry on.”

“If you say so.”

At some point during the day, you were called out of the laundry room.

“Am I in trouble?” You asked the matron.

“No, dearie,” The matron said, looking concerned. “We went and called on your husband to take you home. You’ve looked like you’re going to fall into the tubs all day.”

“I can work, Madam, I’m fine,” You protested.

“Nonsense,” She said. “Let your husband take you home. The last thing I need is a corpse on my working floor, you got me, missy?”

“Yes, Madam,” You said.

Alexei stood up from where he was sitting in the front room. As soon as he saw you, his face pinched in concern.

“You’re terribly pale,” Alexei said, coming close. “What’s happened?”

“Nothing,” You gasped. “I just have a little cold or something, it’s nothing to worry about.” It was unfortunate that at that moment, your feet decided to trip over themselves and you stumbled into him.

“Oy, oy,” He said, helping you right yourself. He put a hand to your head. “My word, you are boiling, pet! Let’s get you back home and lay you down. Madam, thank you for sending for me. Will you need compensation for the time she’s not working?”

“We’ll figure that out later. Get that child in a bed.”

“Yes, Madam.”

Alexei managed to drag you back to your room and helped you out of your short cloak and shoes. He steered you toward your bedroll and lay you down in it. As soon as your body hit the blankets, it gave out and you lost consciousness.

When you woke, it was dark. You had a wet rag on your forehead, your body feeling as though you’d been trampled by horses. Though you were bundled up, you felt like you were going to freeze. Breathing was like being stabbed with knives. As you inhaled and exhaled, there was a gravelly rasp that you could feel in your lungs. You made a sound of discomfort, and suddenly Alexei’s face came into your field of vision.

“You’re awake,” He said, taking the rag from your head. “Can you sit up? You need to drink.”

“Help me,” You croaked. He wedged his arm under your shoulders and lifted you. Your body screamed in agony and you gave a pained cry. “I can’t breathe,” You told him. “I feel like I’m drowning.”

“I know,” He said, his face scrunching in sympathy. “The physician has been ‘round to see you. You have pneumonia, he says.”

“Pneumonia?” You repeated.

“Yes,” He said, tipping a cup of water for you to drink. “He doesn’t think you’re infectious, since no one you’ve been around has developed symptoms. He left me some medicine to give you, powdered willow bark and peppermint.”

“That must have been expensive,” You wheezed. “How much did it cost you?”

“Let me worry about the expense,” He said, urging you to drink more. “Just concentrate on getting better.”

“But my job…” You protested. “I’ll be sacked...”

“Stop fussing,” He admonished. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of everything. Just rest.”

“I’m cold,” You said piteously, beginning to cry.

“I know,” He said again, stroking a strand of your hair from your forehead. “It’s the fever. I can’t make you warmer or you could die.”

“It hurts,” You said. “Let me die.”

“Don’t say that. You’ll be alright,” He soothed, laying you carefully back on the bedroll. “Let me get your medicine.”

Every day, Alexei woke you four times a day for your breathing treatment, which consisted of steeping the peppermint leaves in boiling water and having you inhale the vapor, and to take some fluids, usually water, tea, or broth. He stuck to this schedule without fail, and while it irritated you, you knew somewhere in your subconscious that he was saving your life. The peppermint vapor helped ease your breathing some and the willow bark prevented the fever from becoming dangerous, but it still felt as though you were dying.

Five days in, he woke you for your treatments.

“No, I can’t,” You cried weakly.

“Yes, you can,” He said patiently. “But I want to show you something first. Let’s sit you up, pet.” He lifted you up gingerly and sat behind you so that you were resting with your back to his front and your head on his shoulder. “Can you open your eyes?”

Your eyes felt glued together, but you managed to pry them open. “What do you want to show me?”

“Look,” He said, pointing at the wall where the fireplace was. “Can you see?”

It took a moment for your eyes to focus, but when it did, you saw flowers. Hundreds, thousands of tiny flowers painted on the wall. It was a field, a meadow, and a sweet little cottage sat in the middle next to a small pond. Every color you could think of waved in the painted breeze. It was dusk, and the sky was pink-gold with fluffy clouds of silver floating along it. Little ducks, chickens, and baby goats gathered around the steps to the cottage, and there, a woman who looked much like you stood scattering seeds from a basket on her arm. She wore a crown of flowers on her head.

“Oh,” You breathed, a tear rolling down your cheek as your body trembled weakly against his. “It’s beautiful.”

He rubbed his hands up and down your arms. “I’m glad you like it. I worked on it while you were sleeping. I was going to just paint a small piece of wood with flowers and fruit for you to carry in your pocket, but… it didn’t feel good enough.”

“I would have loved that, too,” You said. “Won’t you get in trouble with the landlord for this?”

“I asked permission,” He said softly into your hair.

You began to sob. “It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I just wish I weren’t dying so I could enjoy it properly.”

“You’re not going to die, love,” He said, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and rocking you gently side-to-side. “I won’t let you. You have a fiance to piss off; you can’t die before then. I’m looking forward to the day when I can watch you tell him to stick that contract where the sun don’t shine.”

You laughed through your tears. “Why couldn’t I haven’t been promised to you instead?”

He laughed, too. “You’re too independent and headstrong for me, love. I like women who can’t fend for themselves. They don’t realize what I twat I am.”

You chuckled. You spent a few minutes in silence, staring at the lovely gift Alexei had made for you. And then it was time for tea and treatments before he let you rest again, all the while he stroked your hair and hummed a soft tune under his breath.

It took eight days for the fever to break. Thankfully, you were unconscious for most of it, since consciousness was nothing short of torture. You couldn’t eat and could barely swallow. Every breath was like your lungs were catching fire over and over again.

Once the fever broke and you were able to stand up, Alexei paid a substantial amount to rent you a private bathing room with soaps, shampoos, fruit, cheese, and wine. Every luxury had been seen to and Alexei had spared no expense. When you offered to pay him back, he simply ruffled your hair and told you not to worry about it, saying that you’d earned a nice day for yourself.

He asked your coworker, Ellie, to help you wash up and to watch over you, since you were still weak and had a terrible cough. It was nice to have another friend sitting with you to talk; you hadn’t really had a girl-friend before.

Thanks to Alexei, you didn’t end up dying, but recovery was painfully slow. By the time the six months of the marriage was up, you’d only just started to feel like your old self again, but you still tired easily and couldn’t push yourself for too long.

The two of you packed your room to travel back to Red Landing, selling the furniture you’d purchased when first arriving in Dunmountain.

“Are you ready to go back?” Alexei asked as he helped you up into the driver’s box.

“Not really,” You said. “I’m not looking forward to facing my parents. Or Gregory. Just because I know he’ll be utterly obnoxious about it.”

“Well, don’t worry about a thing, pet,” He said. “If the bastard tries to make off with you like a prowler in the night, I’ll be there to stop him.”

You smiled at him. “Thank you. I’m glad to have you as a friend, Alexei. I’m sorry if I ever insinuated that you weren’t.”

“Water under the bridge, my pet,” He said, patting your hand before trotting around the mule and hopping up to sit next to you. “Shall we?”

“Eh?” You said with a noncommittal shrug. Laughing, he took that as a yes and snapped the mule to movement.

The trip back was comfortable, despite your nerves, and took far less time than the trip to Dunmountain had, since you were walking for half of that one. The two of you either slept in the vardo or rented a room at an inn. After six months of sharing a space, sleeping in the same room was second nature by now, so there was no reason to rent two rooms.

When you reached the boundaries of Red Landing, you wrapped your arms around yourself and took a large breath.

“You’ll be alright, pet,” Alexei said. “If things get too badly out of hand, I have no qualms about loading us back up and doing a legger.”

You smiled. “That’s good to know, I’ll keep it in mind.” You pointed at the crossroads. “Take a left at this fork.”

He nudged the mule left, and it took you out of the marketplace and down the residential track.

“Here. We’re here.”

He stopped the wagon in front of a modestly built wooden house with shuttered windows open in the breeze; your mother had always said that glass was an unnecessary luxury and not worth the cost. There was a simple garden and an apple tree planted next to the walkway up to the front door surrounded by a low stone wall and a wooden gate, which was open.

“That’s odd,” You said as Alexei helped you down. “The gate is never left open.”

“Could they be expecting someone?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” You replied. “All of the windows are open, too. That’s unusual.”

“It’s a nice day,” Alexei said. “They could just be enjoying the fresh air.”

You shook your head. “No, this isn’t like them.”

“Do you think something could be wrong?” He asked, taking you by the forearm and stopping you cautiously.

Before you could respond, your mother appeared at one of the windows, crying out.

“Oh!” She said, her hands to her mouth. “You came back! John, she’s back!”

She disappeared from the window and a few seconds later, the door flew open. She launched herself out of it and into your arms, brushing past Alexei to do so.

“Oh, I’m so happy to see you!” She cried into your shoulder. “I didn’t know if you’d ever return.”

Your father, a gruff looking man with a short beard, came out too. He was less talkative than your mother, but he gathered you up in his arms and held you tight for a moment, releasing you with nary a word, though a small tear fell down his cheek and disappeared into his whiskers.

“Hi, Papa,” You said. “Hi, Mama.”

“Oh, darling, we were hoping you’d come back! We left the windows open, so we could hear you coming. They’ve been open every day since you disappeared.”

You sighed, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry I vanished on you without saying anything. But you understand why I had to do that, don’t you?”

You mother regarded you warily. “Darling… you know how important the investment is for us. We had so many plans.”

“Mother,” You said sternly. “I’m not marrying that man.”

“Be reasonable,” She pleaded. “We can do so much once our business gets off the ground. For you, as well.”

“I don’t think there’s anything unreasonable about wanting to be treated like a human being and not a possession to be sold,” You said, your voice raised. “What happened to you two? What happened to working for what you want? What happened to never trusting a gift? Do I mean so little to you that you’d make a deal with the devil so that you don’t have to work anymore?”

“I can’t believe how ungrateful you are!” Your mother replied, scowling. “Do you know how long we had to wait for this? Do you know what we sacrificed for you?”

“I never asked you to sacrifice anything for me!”

Your mother slapped you. “Don’t raise your voice to your mother!”

Suddenly you were yanked back. Alexei had pulled you behind him and stood between you and your parents.

“I understand family matters can get heated,” He said evenly. “But I must insist that you not strike my wife. She’s still recovering from being quite ill.”

“Wife?” Your father repeated, the first thing he’s said since you returned. “What’s this about a wife? Who are you?”

You heard that but not that I was ill? You thought bitterly.

“My name is Alexei,” He said, his voice deep and imposing. “I’m your daughter’s husband.”

There was an awkward silence as your parents took that information in.

“Why don’t you come in and we can… discuss this,” Your father said, motioning for your mother to follow him inside.

Before you could follow after them, Alexei stopped you. He touched your chin and tilted your head, examining the cheek where your mother had struck you.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You replied. “Let’s get this over with. It’s going to be painful, either way.”

He grimaced and opened his mouth to say something, but thought the better of it and shut it again, stepping aside to let you pass.

Inside, your mother was setting out tea. Your father sat in his usual chair with his arms folded, looking at Alexei unfavorably. You frowned at him. It’s a little late to be playing the concerned father, isn’t it, Papa?

Your mother sat down next to your father across the table from you. You took the marriage license from your bag as she set out the teacups and unfolded it showing them.

“You can inspect it and send a letter to the magistrate, if you wish.”

Your mother cleared her throat, not looking at the document. “So… how did the two of you… meet?”

You tried to answer, but you felt your mouth dry up.

“She took shelter from the rain in my carriage one night, actually,” Alexei said, laughing a little. “I didn’t even notice her until the next day halfway through my journey. But when I did, it was love at first sight. I did everything I could from that moment on to woo her.”

“How soon after you met did you marry?”

“Three days.”

Both your mother and father’s eyes shot to you suspiciously. You felt the weight of their scrutiny, but didn’t flinch.

“What is it about our daughter you fell in love with?”

You were slightly concerned that Alexei wouldn’t be able to come up with anything, but to your surprise, he answered without hesitation.

“She’s a self-starter, fiercely independent, and has an amazing work ethic, which I imagine is thanks to you.” He gestured at your parents. “She’s headstrong and funny and makes faces when I tease her and is genuinely fun to be around. Not a dull day since I met her.” He turned to look at you fondly. “She’s spent all of our marriage taking very good care of me. Better care than anyone ever has. She’s the only family I’ve ever had, and that means more to me than I can ever express. I count myself blessed to have met her, and doubly blessed to be her husband.”

You couldn’t help but smile softly. He sounded so sincere.

“What about you, dear?” Your mother asked, still looking unmoved. “What is it about Alexei you fell in love with?”

You sat and thought. “I’ll admit, when first the idea of marrying Alexei was presented, I didn’t want to do it.” You didn’t mention that it was you who brought it up. “But Alexei has never been anything but kind to me. He’s silly and talented and he laughs a lot and is never bothered by anything. Not until…”

You stared at your hands, trying to recall the time you’d been ill. “I got sick. Very sick. I almost died, I think. He took care of me. It took a long time for me to get better, and he was there the entire time. He painted an entire wall with flowers and ducks and pretty things for me to look at, just because I’d said I wanted a little painting to brighten up our room. He spend a lot of money for several months on medicine to help me get better. He never got mad at me, never impatient, never frustrated. He didn’t give up on me even when I wanted to die so that the pain would stop. He’s my husband, but he’s also my best friend, and I’m lucky to have him as both.”

That was a hell of a revelation to come to sitting right in front of your parents being interrogated about your fake marriage. Without looking at each other, Alexei flipped his hand and reached for yours, and you took it. He squeezed your fingers firmly. Don’t worry, He seemed to say. Just say the word and we can run.

“So, are you a man of means, Alexei?” You mother asked. “Can you take care of our daughter financially?”

“She’s more than capable of doing that herself, you know,” He said levelly. “But yes. I’m a fairly well known painter and I have a decent nest egg set aside to build a home. If the underlying question is, ‘am I going to give you money in exchange for your daughter as if she were goods to be bartered for,’ the answer is no.”

Your father got red in the face and your mother sputtered. You didn’t even try to hide your smug smile.

“Darling,” Your mother said, turning to you and pleading. “It’s not too late to fix this. You can still annul the marriage and marry Gregory. He’ll straighten up after he’s married, most men do!”

You sighed and rubbed your temples in frustration. “Look,” You said, pulling out your coin purse. “This is all the money I took, plus a little more. Since money seems to be the only thing you care about, take this. I don’t owe you anything anymore.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to us,” Your mother said angrily, shoving the license back across the table. “After everything we’ve done for you.”

“What? What have you done for me, Mother? You did what you were supposed to do when people have children? Had a child and then raised that child? You don’t get a reward for doing what you’re supposed to do; you taught me that, for God’s sake!”

Your father slammed his hand down on the table and you jumped, letting out a startled squeak. He stood up, his eyes dark.

“Perhaps…” He said slowly. “It’s best if you leave.”

You felt stung. “Happily,” You said, snatching the license from the table and stuffing it in your bag. “I have a feeling that I won’t be back this time.”

“Are we off, then, my pet?” Alexei asked casually, standing and reaching to take your bag.

“Yes,” You said through your teeth. “For good.”

“As you wish, pet,” He replied, taking your hand and wrapping it around his arm. “There’s a lovely tavern a little east of here we might stay. It’s less…” He turned back and looked your parents up and down pointedly. “Money-hungry.”

You asked Alexei if you could ride in the vardo and he was agreeable. As soon as Alexei snapped the reins and the mule lurched forward, you began to sob. You knew he could hear you, because the window near the driver’s box was open. He whistled loudly as the cart rolled, perhaps to disguise or drown out your weeping so you felt less awkward about crying noisily on a crowded street. You appreciated it.

The vardo stopped, you assumed in front of the tavern Alexei spoke of, though he didn’t hop down right away, simply sat in the driver’s box and continued to whistle as you cried. After a time, you pulled yourself together and forced yourself to stuff down the rest of your tears.

“Alexei, I’m alright now,” You said faintly.

He stopped whistling. “I’ll give you some coin. Would you mind getting us a room while I see to the mule and wagon?”

“Sure,” You said tonelessly. You climbed out of the vardo as he came around and held out your hand. Before he handed you the money, he took your chin and tilted your head up, looking at you in concern.

“Are you sure you’re alright, pet?”

You nodded but you didn’t meet his eye.

“I’ll see you inside. Wait for me downstairs and I’ll buy us dinner, alright?”

You nodded again and walked off wordlessly.

Inside, you paid for the room and bought two mugs of ale. Alexei came in after a few minutes and bent down.

“Anything you want specifically?”

“Doesn’t matter,” You replied flatly.

He walked off, and after several minutes he came back, picked up his mug and took your hand, pulling you to your feet.

“Come on, pet,” He said. “I’m having it sent up to our room. You look like you need rest. It’s been a long… trying day, and you’re still not well yet.”

You didn’t argue and allowed yourself to be led upstairs. Once inside, he put your mugs on the provided table while you sat down on the very small bed. You pulled the license back out and stared at it.

“I suppose we should find a magistrate in the morning,” You said. “Six months is up. You held up your end of the bargain. We can have this annulled as early as tomorrow afternoon and be on your way.”

He sat next to you. “Is this a conversation we should have now?”

“There’s no reason not to. I have to think about where I’m going to go.”

“Go?” He echoed.

“I’m not going home, clearly,” You said. “I have an aunt up north, but I don’t know if she’d be any more interested in taking me in than my parents were at listening to me.”

“You could always stay with me,” He said. “Annulling the marriage doesn’t mean we stop being friends.”

“It’s improper for a man and a woman to live together if they’re not married.”

“Who cares what’s improper? We’re adults, we can do what we like.”

“It’s alright, Alexei, I’ll figure something out. I’m resourceful, you know that.”

“I do know that,” He said, reaching over and taking the license, inspecting it. “What if…” He said slowly. “What if we didn’t annul the marriage? What if we stayed married?”

“What are you talking about?” You asked looking up at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but was saved from answering by a knock at the door.

“That’s our dinner, I expect.” He stood up and opened the door, taking a tray from whoever delivered it and closing the door again, putting the tray down on the table.

“Alexei,” You said, standing up. “What do you mean, stay married?”

“Well…” He said, not looking at you and bending over the table, busying himself with placing the food out. “It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. And we’re good friends, we take care of each other. I can’t think of a single good reason not to stay together.”

“Well, I mean…” You started. “It’s not like we love each other, right?”

He didn’t answer, just continued fussing with the food. You stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder and gently pushing him upright.

“Right?” You asked again.

He met your gaze, his face a little sad and anxious, and took a big breath.

“When we first got married,” He began slowly. “It was a laugh, something funny and silly to occupy my time. Teasing you was amusing, and I got someone to cook and clean for me as a bonus. I figured that at the end of the six months, I’d just walk away with the money having done my part and never have to see you again. I’d be one step closer to my goal of building a house for myself. I didn’t expect to end up as friends.” He dropped his eyes and took one of your hands in his. “I grew up alone. I expected to live my life alone, and I was happy with that. But when you got sick…”

“Alexei, it’s okay,” You said softly, squeezing his hand.

He shook his head, grimacing as if in pain. “When you got sick, I know I kept telling you to keep your chin up and that you’d be fine, but deep down I was panicking. I wasn’t sure if you’d make it and I was terrified…” His voice shook. “…that I was going to lose the only family I’d ever had. I didn’t sleep at night and watched you all the time to make sure you were still breathing. Whenever I’d try to rouse you to drink and you wouldn’t wake, my heart would stop. I was willing to spend every penny I’d ever earned to fix it. I didn’t want to be alone anymore, and I wanted more than anything for you to live. I wanted you to stay with me. I still do.” He looked up at you again, and there were unshed tears in his eyes. “So stay with me.”

Stunned and moved to silence, you nodded slowly.

He swallowed hard, leaned in, and kissed you. He seemed jumpy, as if he worried you might slap him and he’d need to hop back quickly, but you didn’t slap him. You stepped closer and put your arms around his shoulders, pulling him to you. He sighed in relief and deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling your body flush with his. He was only slightly shorter than you, so you had to tilt your head down a little to kiss him, but it was nice. It was comfortable.

Ignoring the food now, he took you to the bed, shedding his vest, tunic, and undershirt. He’d worn his best clothes to meet your family, but now they were left in a pile with your dress on the floor. He unstrung your bodice and you slid it off, pulling your chemise off after it. God, why did being a woman come with so many damn layers?

Finally, you were both undressed and crawled into the bed together, your limbs tangling together. He laid you down on the threadbare blanket and kissed you deeply, touching your body and spreading your legs with his knees. After a moment, though, he stopped and popped up in his hands, peering down at you.

“Are you feeling alright?” He asked, looking concerned. “I may have been a little overeager when you didn’t push me away, but are you well enough to… do this… with me? Are you feeling tired or sick?”

You giggled softly, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. “I feel incredible,” You said. “Better than I have in a long time. It’s alright, Alexei. I want this. We never had a wedding night, after all.”

He laughed. “I think you’d have thrown a pan at my head if I tried.”

“You’re right,” You replied, pulling him down for another kiss.

He took his time exploring your body, touching and kissing and sucking. He nipped at your skin as he made his way down your belly, tickling your sides to make you giggle and squirm.

“I wish I’d known how soft your body was,” He murmured. “And how warm. I’d have confessed my feelings sooner if I could’ve just curled up next to you at night.”

“Flatterer,” You said, smirking down at him.

“Honest,” He said, kissing your hipbones. “To think, so many cold nights with this beautiful body lying mere feet away. It’s enough to chill a man’s heart.”

“Or something else,” You snickered.

“Speaking of which,” He replied, spreading your legs and kissing lower. His lips touched your… lips… and you inhaled at the new sensation. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just strange since you’d never felt it before. You looked down at him as he teased you, and he looked back up at you. You bit your lip and watched him as he finally pressed his tongue to your pearl, and he watched your flushed, thrilled reaction with fascinated intensity.

Shivers rippled through your body and you let your head fall back onto the pillow as he went to work pleasuring you, gripping your inner thighs tightly to keep your legs wide open. His beard tickled the sensitive skin as he pressed his face firmly into the hollow, pushing his tongue deeply inside you and wiggling it up and down. You moaned and tilted your hips so that he could get even deeper.

“Alexei, please,” You rasped, pulling his hair.

He raised back up, wiping his beard and reaching between his own legs to gently stroke himself. He kissed his way back up your body and braced on one hand as he pressed his cock to your entrance, pushing inside you. Your body opened to his eagerly, taking him in to the hilt. He moved slowly at first as he kissed you over and over, making a loose fist in your hair, but when you wrapped your legs around his and thrust your hips up to meet him, he began to speed up.

His lips never left your skin and neither did his hands. It was as if he couldn’t touch you enough, couldn’t get enough of how your skin tasted, and gripped you as if you’d evaporate if he let go. There was a strange, anxious tension in his body that you could feel in his muscles as he slammed into you over and over.

You were getting closer to the peak of your pleasure, you could tell he was, too, because he buried his head in the crook of your neck and clung to you as if he were drowning. His movements were precise and rigorous. His grunting grew louder and faster, joining with your moans and gasps. You gripped his back and dug your nails into his skin, whimpering “yes! yes!” over and over.

He suddenly popped up on his hands, thrusting frenetically before giving a shout and going completely rigid, his forehead pressed against yours. You cried out right afterward, grinding your clit against his body and riding out your orgasm as he released inside you.

The two of you were locked in place, gasping for air. He finally collapsed sideways, sliding wetly out of you, and drew in deep breaths. When the two of you had cooled down and caught your breath, he pulled you into his body, your back to his front, and locked his arms around you.

“Pet?” He said softly.

“Hmm?”

“In case I hadn’t made it clear, I do love you,” He said.

You laughed. “You couldn’t have done much more to make it plain short of shouting it out the window.”

“Do you want me to? Because I will!” He made to release you and reach up to open the window, and you grabbed him back, giggling.

“You silly thing!” You told him, rolling over to look at his face. “In case you were wondering, I love you, too.”

“Oh, that’s good,” He said with a smile, stroking your hair. “Was a little worried.”

“Well, don’t be.” You went in for a soft kiss, and then another, and another. “I’ll stay. Wherever you go, I’ll be with you. Because I want to be.”

He cuddled you in and the two of you slept.

A short few hours travel brought you to a meadow with a small pond. The field was full of flowers of all sizes and colors.

“I know this place!” You said as Alexei helped you down off of the driver’s box. “This is from the painting!”

“Very perceptive, my love,” He said, grinning. “I’ve owned this little stretch of land for a while. I think I finally have enough money to build our home. We might be sleeping in the vardo for awhile until it’s finished, though.”

“I don’t mind,” You said, turning and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I love it here. I wouldn’t even care if we slept in a tent as long as we could live here.”

He chuckled and kissed your temple. “I think we can do better than that, Pet,” He said. “Welcome home.”

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[blush-and-books]

she lives in daydreams with me

3+1 in which julie’s daydreaming spreads to luke, too. title and inspiration from she by harry styles. 

a gift for my fellow fantoms on this beautiful clowngate.

a/n: this isn’t meant to be tied to/inspired by blissful reveries by noblealice on ao3, but it’s a great fic that i love and it’s a julie daydream fic so i may as well link it because you should check it out!!! 

Luke noticed that sometimes, Julie would completely zone out. 

It wasn’t often that she did it around him, but while she would try and study her pencil would be moving on the paper but her eyes would not be focused. Or when she would be washing the dishes, a faint humming could be heard under her breath as her hands mindlessly rinsed the plates and placed them into the dishwasher. 

“They’re daydreams,” she whispers into the nearly pitch-black garage one night when they stay up, despite their exhaustion, just to be with each other. “I had them a little when I was a kid. It was how I got inspiration for a lot of songs.”

Julie’s voice raises to a higher pitch at the end of her sentence. It’s a familiar sound to Luke, now -- most of her little vocal cues are -- so he turns on the floor to face where she’s lying on the couch, and brings his hand up to her bare ankle.

“They’re musical?”

“They were, and then… They weren’t. I daydreamed a lot after my mom, but it was mostly her walking through the front door like she never left.”

He doesn’t have to say anything. He just needs to be there.”

“And then,” Julie continues, “after I met you, the music came back.”

His heart skips a beat. He knows she meant “you” as in him and Reggie and Alex, them as a collective unit; but it’s a fun little dream of his own for her to just be thinking of him. 

Lightly, his thumb skates across her skin. “I’m glad. If anyone should have music in their life, it’s you, Julie.”

“Do you ever daydream?” Her voice is quiet. She’s probably falling asleep.

There’s no reply. So it’s just the two of them, in the dark, with his hand attached to her because now that he can feel her like this he doesn’t want to stop until he has to. His hand is just barely on her ankle, but with every trace of his fingers back and forth along the curve he marvels at his ability to do it in the first place. 

A smile pops at the corners of Luke’s lips. “Not really,” he tells her. “If I did… They probably wouldn’t be musical, like yours.”

“Then what would you do?”

He stares, fixed, at his hand on her leg. 

“The stuff I want to do, but can’t.”

nine in the morning, a man drops his kids off at school; and he’s thinking of you (like all of us do)

It’s a few days later when Luke realizes that something is off. 

A simple Wednesday morning, when Julie darts into the garage before school with her backpack bouncing on her back as she runs up to each of them for a hug. Luke is the final recipient. 

He enthusiastically throws his arms around her just as tightly as he does every morning, because in his heart, he wishes she could just stay. It’s ridiculous, and selfish, but he longs for the ability to lay on the torn old couch with Julie at his side and never have to leave. 

“Writing when I come back?” 

Her eyes are gazing up at him, round and wide and hopeful as her arms stay latched around his neck. Safely, he keeps his hands at her hips and doesn’t allow himself to consider letting them go anywhere else. 

“Won’t you have homework?”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, but I also have a song I want to work on and I won’t be able to focus until we finish it.”

Ironically, it sounds like one of the excuses he would give his parents long ago. Once the music was out of his head, he would tell them, then he could focus on homework. 

(He didn’t.)

“You’re turning into me,” he jokes at her; to which she laughs with a bright and beautiful smile right in front of his face. His eyes can’t help but slip their focus to it. “Music before school? What happened to your dad saying ‘school first?’”

“I’ll tell him I’m going to the garage for peace and quiet.”

God, she’s making this harder and harder. For months, she was the one scolding him about her need to focus on school; and so he trained himself to come across as (marginally) less eager. But now that she’s bouncing on her tiptoes and her head is lifting right in front of his face as she teases fibbing to her dad to write with him, he doesn’t think he has much restraint left. 

“How about…” He begins, trying to find something neutral to say. “How about you see how much homework you get and then decide what you want to do first?”

“Since when did you-”

The sound of Ray honking for Julie to come out ends their back-and-forth. It Luke looks close enough -- which he is, because why would he have anything better to do right now than look at Julie -- he can see her disappointment. “Go on, Boss. Your ride’s waiting. I’ll see you after school.”

Carefully, she slips from his arms and wishes them a final goodbye before hustling out of the garage. 

And Luke collapses onto the couch the second she’s gone. 

“You okay, man?”

“He’s fine, Reg. Just an idiot.”

Luke’s arm, that was covering his face, slides up so that he can glare at Alex. “Hey! Rude. Why am I an idiot?”

“Because all you do is agonize over Julie instead of talking to her.”

His forearm comes back down, blacking out his vision. “No point.”

Moments of quiet pass between the three boys, and eventually, the telltale sound of his bandmates poofing out of the room is faintly heard. Luke is left alone, on the couch. 

He doesn’t know how much time passes where he sits in his self-made darkness before the garage door is opening again, and Julie is standing in the doorway, looking adrenaline-rushed and practically glowing. Luke, being Luke, jumps up from the couch in surprise.

“Julie! Hey, uh… What are you doing here? Didn’t you leave for school?”

Her grin is almost fake, it’s so blinding. “I forgot something.”

Unprompted and unexpectedly, Julie is confidently making her way towards him before softly resting her hands on his jaw and pulling his lips down to hers.

Even through his all-encompassing shock, his hands somehow find their way to her waist, and then her back, and then her hair. She’s pulling him down to her, so he’s kind of uncomfortably arched over her but he doesn’t care one bit. Just the same as this morning, she is pressed against him from head to toe but this feels so much better. 

He’s trying to keep it slow and soft so that he can savor every moment of this random, welcomed action; but Julie’s asking for a quicker tempo. Her hands are skating across his shoulders and running up to his hair, pulling him down even farther, and he finds himself grasping at her thighs to lift her up and make things more comfortable but she’s pulling away before he can. 

Once they part, she shyly takes her bottom lip between her teeth and Luke almost steals her away and begs for more. “That was it,”  she mumbles, and then the car horn is echoing out front again, and-

Luke shakes awake.

--

he takes a boat out, imagines just sailing away (and not telling his mates)

He knows it’s a daydream almost immediately -- a long period of staring at a blank journal can do that to a guy -- when Julie suddenly appears and dangles car keys in front of him. 

She’s only just got her permit. She can’t actually drive independently yet. 

But he’s spent time on more than one occasion considering what they can go do together when she can.

“You ready for a break, Rockstar?” She asks with a coy smile, and it’s just more confirmation that it’s a fantasy. Julie has only ever called him “Rockstar” once. 

But he already likes where his imagination is taking him, so he puts the journal on the coffee table and poofs over to her. “Born ready.” 

Her hand tangles itself in his, and she enthusiastically tugs him from the studio into the sunny daylight where her dad’s car sits in the driveway. “Carlos and Dad and Tia are at a baseball game,” she grins, almost proudly, “so you and I get to have an adventure.”

God, this really is a dream. Julie isn’t as impulsive as he can be, but he occasionally finds himself wanting at the idea of going MIA for a day. Just a day. Less than 24 hours, even, with Julie by his side and nobody around who knows them or their situation. Julie and Luke against the world, against life and death, and whatever comes next. 

“Lead the way, Boss.”

Nearly within the blink of an eye, they’re on the PCH, speeding down the asphalt with loud music blaring from the speakers. With the windows rolled down and the humid but fresh air billowing around them in the car, it was all too easy for Luke to imagine that he was…

Alive.

This should have been them in 1995 -- him and Julie, him and the boys, all of them together and feeling the rush of being a group of stupid teenagers who love each other. 

He knows his hair is getting ruffled as he tilts his head back against the leather headrest, closing his eyes to directly face the air blowing into him. Maybe, through this dream, just for a moment, he can be human. 

“This is so fun!” Julie screams next to him, and his face just breaks into a grin because it is so fun. She sounds so full of joy. It’s his favorite sound.

While a part of him wants to hold the daydream in this moment, with the sun hitting his legs and Julie’s hair chaotically whirling around her head; he decides to let things keep going. A moment later, they are pulling into a nearly empty parking lot on the beach. 

Their seatbelts click and slide from their chests. Julie’s hand firmly latches around his wrist and proceeds to sprint with him laughing hysterically as he trails behind her, the ocean shimmering in the distance. The moment that their feet splash in the saltwater, Luke takes the chance to pull Julie into his arms by her waist and lift her up; droplets popping up from the water in a cyclone of laughter.

There’s already sweat layering both of their foreheads, but Luke feels honored that he’s standing close enough to her to be able to see it.

Hours -- or, what he assumes are hours -- pass by with water lapping their legs and Luke licking the salt from her shoulder in a move that started as a joke but was really just another ridiculous fantasy fulfilled. After he tries to splash her particularly roughly, she squeals and turns away; turning back to reveal a dripping wet face behind a curtain of hair.

Even though there’s a glare in her eyes, it’s playful. And she doesn’t fight him when he walks up to her, lifts the hem of his loose-fitting tank, and swipes across her cheeks to catch most of it.

The blush on her cheeks could be blamed on excessive sun, or the affectionate gesture, or-

“Luke?”

It takes less than a second for Luke to be back in the studio, back in front of the blank page, back in his reality. 

And Julie is in the doorway. 

Her cheeks aren’t  pink, her legs aren’t bare, her skin isn’t sweat and seawater sticky. It was just a regular school day for her. 

She still glows.

“Luke?” He hears her say again, and it’s the final nail in his coffin. 

“Yeah, sorry. I was zoning out there for a sec.”

Her curious smile relaxes, and she takes the unspoken invitation to enter the garage  and throw her backpack down next to the couch. Her eyes quickly find the journal, “write anything good?”

“Not a word. Didn’t have my partner.”

The line earns him a friendly shoulder-nudge. It’s not much compared to what he just had, but it’s something. 

Only, his impulsive brain tells him he needs more. 

“Can we go to the beach one day?”

Refocusing her gaze from the open notebook to his face, she amusingly furrows her eyebrows. “I mean… When I have my license, totally. Whatever you guys want.”

“I…” Shut up. Stop here. “I was thinking you and I, actually. Just us.”

“Oh.” He knows that “oh.” It’s the same one she gave him when she was flustered in the school hallway. He can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad sign. Her fingers are twitching against her legs and her eyes avoid his, but a part of him sees his daydream bleed into reality when a pink hue dusts her cheeks. “Just us.”

“Yeah, if you’re-”

“I’d love to.”

Her mouth zips shut like she didn’t mean to say it. But he’s already smiling at her, and probably sporting a blush of his own, and he knows he doesn’t even have a funny remark  to say in response. 

All he can do is count the days until Julie gets her license.

--

and she sleeps in his bed (while he plays pretend)

Sometimes, when Julie is gone, he’ll just… Go to her room. 

It’s not weird. 

He doesn’t snoop -- well, he tries not to -- but everything that’s out in the open is there for his eyes to take in. This way, he gets the little intricate details of what makes Julie Julie that would otherwise take years to learn about a person. 

Today, when he poofs in, the bed is unmade. Normally she makes it before leaving for school, but on the rare occasion that she is running late, it will remain in disarray until her return. 

Unless, he…

No, no, boundaries. 

But it’s just a little favor. And it’s not like she can kill him or anything right?

Once again, his impulsivity dominates the argument. And he’s suddenly wrapping her sheet in his fists and tugging it up and over her pillows, followed by the comforter. 

With each puff of air that brushes his face from the falling sheets, he catches a bit of her peach perfume. 

The action of making a bed feels so distant to him, but he remembers having to do it himself like it was yesterday. He was too careless to tuck anything in or smooth anything out -- it was just a simple tugging of his sheets to cover the mattress. If he had Julie around back then, pulling him back from the precipice of his relationship with his parents and making music that Bobby wouldn’t steal, then she probably would have shown him how to make his bed more presentable for when she came over.

In front of him, the bed he's making doesn’t look like Julie’s anymore. 

It looks like his. His old twin bed at Mitch and Emily Patterson’s house, his old bedroom tucked in at the end of the hallway. Every shade of blue and gray and yellow feels so familiar but only a little off; like his brain is vaguely reconstructing his home with blurred edges and familiar memories.

“Your bathroom is surprisingly clean,” a familiarly warm voice says from behind him. Julie stands in his doorway, adorning an ethereal flower-patterned dress and clunky black combat boots. 

The strength of the daydream takes over when she approaches him with a smile and his hands, on instinct, find her hips. “I don’t know why you’re shocked. I’m not a slob.”

“Well…” They both chuckle at her tone. “I thought that with your parents out of town, everything here would be falling apart.”

“Well, you’re here, so that could never happen.”

Her smile is the one thing that he knows he got exactly right in this reconstructed environment. He will always know Julie.

The smile that he leans down to lightly kiss is the same smile he sees when they know they have a catchy chorus on their hands, or when she gets an A on a test, or sometimes just when she comes come to say hi to them. It’s pure Julie joy.

“Now that you’ve made your bed since I was in the bathroom,” she murmurs as they pull away, “can we take that nap we were talking about? School was exhausting.”

Tiredly, her head falls to his chest. It’s such a small, warm gesture; but it sends his heart soaring painfully into the wall of his ribs. “Of course, Boss.”

With a gentle touch, he pulls back the covers of his bed and gestures for Julie to crawl in first. She waves him off, trying to tug at the laces of her boots so that she doesn’t sleep in her shoes, but Luke is quick to prop himself on the edge of the bed and lift her foot to her knee. 

“Such a gentleman,” she mocks him, but there’s no venom to her voice. In fact, she’s looking down at him like she loves him. 

He slowly helps her slip her foot from the boot with a soft grip on her ankle. “For you, anything.”

Charged, quiet beats pass between them as he finishes work on the other shoe and instantly scoots over to make room on the bed for her to lay next to him. He can make out a small, pleased smile as she does so; rolling over to cuddle into his chest and tangle their legs the moment that she is able to do so. 

He feels her take a deep breath against his collarbone as he pulls the sheets up to cover them both. “It all smells like you,” she sighs as she exhales.

“Is that a good thing?”

No verbal response -- just a nod, and the sight of her fingers curling into the edge of the sheet and pulling it up right under her nose. “You cozy, Boss?”

Her melodic hum vibrates against his sternum. Parents out of town, cuddling with his girlfriend, playing music -- this was the dream. 

Truly, because it fades around him the moment the recognizable sound of a car rolling up the driveway hits his ears. 

And he’s poofing down to greet Julie, acting as if he doesn’t have all of these wants and needs in his head that all go back to her.

--

It’s a late night, it’s after a gig, and adrenaline is still running fast through Luke’s nonexistent veins. The elevation is still carrying him across the walkway as he recalls the way he shredded his solo and the audience leapt to their feet in roaring applause. 

Sometimes, just to spend a few more minutes with her, Luke will walk Julie to her front door after a gig. She’ll send her dad inside and tell him she was going to “call” the guys, when really they would be partaking in a celebratory band hug before they all cleaned up and retired for the night. 

Tonight was one of those nights, and the cobblestones felt like clouds under Luke’s shoes. 

“Jules, you don’t understand, that high note? I didn’t think it could get better, but something about the lights and the crowds and-”

“It was your guitar solo that kept the audience hyped, though!”

“I think after you swung your wrecking ball voice at them, they would have listened to anything afterwards. You don’t get how magnetic you are, Jules.”

The two of them step up her porch, lingering on the top step. Even though he’s been looking at her all night, post-concert Julie has messy makeup and wild hair and he still sees the flashing lights of the stage reflected in her eyes. She carries the energy of performing with her everywhere she goes.

They’re closer than he realized. He can see the exact dark clouds under her eyes where her mascara has rubbed off, and the strands of hair dotting her hairline, and-

“Luke…”

He doesn’t know what she wants to say, but he doesn’t care. “You’re magnetic, Julie, really. It’s like magic. Nobody can resist you.”

The energy crackles against his fingertips, because he can feel himself twitching to touch her. 

It’s true -- she’s magnetic. He’s leaning in closer and closer with every passing second. 

But she’s the one who makes the first move.

It’s expected and it isn’t when her hands dart from her sides to his neck to his hair and guide him to her as if he would need any help finding her. His hands waist no time in pressing up against her back, bringing her body against his in a way he only feels in hugs-

Only this time, their lips are colliding, and he almost convinces himself this isn’t real.

It’s a sudden and beautiful situation that he’s sure he could only conjure in his daydreams that he has her to blame for in the first place. He’s probably laying on the couch in the studio replaying the look on her face when she hit the high note in question at the gig, and how the gasp she let out at the end propelled him into his solo like he’s never played it before. 

There’s no way he’s making out with Julie right now. 

And he doesn’t mean to vocalize his hesitation, but as her mouth breaks from his with deep breaths that are muted versions of the gasp from the gig, the words tumble from his mouth. 

“Is this a dream?”

With a confused mirth in her eyes, she scrapes the back of his neck with her fingernails and it’s almost tantalizing enough for his head to lull back. 

Please let this be a dream so that he doesn’t wake up tomorrow realizing he did all of this on the Molina’s front porch. 

“I don’t think so,” Julie whispers through her grin. Her fingers apply pressure on the back of his neck, wanting him to come back to her lips probably as much as he wants to come back, and she leans farther into him with their faces barely an inch apart. “But even if it is -- isn’t it a wonderful dream?”

As her mouth parts underneath his and he coaxes another gasp out of her, he agrees -- it is a wonderful dream. 

Tags: @willexx @bluefirewrites @pink-flame @lydias--stiles @constantly-singing @fighttoshinetogether @babydagger28

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

iv.l. (a)

Sunoh has loved banana bread with peanut butter lately. So you bake him the banana bread every few days so that he can eat his favorite breakfast. And you've been preparing it for him for weeks, also for Miga, but that day the smell made you sick. It was so disgusting that you immediately turn around and throw up in the sink. "Mummy, are you sick?" Asks Miga and came running towards you. You quickly take a glass and fill it with water. "Sweetheart, can you smell on the bread?” You point to the plate and Miga took the banana bread and smelled it. "Does it smell bad?" You ask her, but the girl shook her head. "No, it smells like every day. Super yummy!" She grins and still holds the plate tightly in her small hands. It was strange. Why did the bread smell so disgusting to you, but it was okay for Miga? “Oh,okay! Can you take the plates and give one to your brother?" You couldn't see the banana bread anymore and you didn't want to smell it. You drink water and rinse your vomit in the sink. You actually feel good again and didn't know why this sudden nausea was coming. "Are you all right, Mummy?" Miga looked at you worriedly when you sat down with her with the glass of water. "Yes, I was only sick for a moment." You smile and take another sip of water. The taste of the vomit was still in your mouth and you couldn't wait to brush your teeth. But Jaehyun was still asleep, as his hungover was more intense and he came home very late. But your dizziness was not good and you fear that you may have been sick after all. Until Jaehyun wakes up, you just decide to sit down with the kids in front of the TV. You don't really like the kids watching TV all day, but you feel so tired and dizzy. Jaehyun still wasn't awake and you were so angry. While Miga and Sunoh watched TV, Geon sat on the floor and chewed on his toys. Kiwoo was on top of you and you breastfeed your son. "Slow down my little one." Kiwoo was quite greedy and drank incredibly quickly. Maybe he had a growth spurt. "Mummy, is Daddy not here again today?" Suddenly, Miga wasn't interested in the television anymore, she missed her father. "He's still sleeping. He came home very late yesterday." You look at her and smile gently. "But he's always there on weekends." She looked at you sadly and you see more and more how the children miss their father. "You can go to wake him up," you suggest and you thought anyway that Jaehyun should now take care of his children. "Sunoh, come on let's go to Daddy." She pulled on his sleeve, but Sunoh shook his head. "No," he said pouting and crawling in your direction. "Don't you like to see your Daddy?" You ask him carefully and stroke his head. "I want to cuddle now." For Sunoh, having Kiwoo on top of you was more of a problem because he wanted your attention now. Sunoh always expressed himself differently with his feelings. While Miga always said what she wanted, Sunoh was more likely to say that he wanted more attention from you. Since Jaehyun was not home that much, his attacks of jealousy had started again. "Then I'll go to Daddy alone," Miga then said and hopped off the couch. "Mummyyyyyy ..." Sunoh started to whimper because he still couldn't climb on you. "Sunoh, I'm still breastfeeding your brother. You have to wait now." You speak to him more strictly now, but Sunoh didn't like that at all. He started to cry and didn't want to accept the rebuff. Geon looked at his big brother in amazement and then looked at you. You were now afraid that he would start crying too. Geon was more empathetic and usually went along with the feelings of his siblings. You were just exhausted. You had now reached a point where you were wondering if having so many children was a good idea. You think of Johanna, who was now a single parent. If you ever separated from Jaehyun, would you manage to raise your four children well? "Mummy ... cuddle with me ..." Sunoh continued howling and pulled on your shirt. "Stop it Sunoh. When I'm done with Kiwoo we can cuddle, but you have to wait now." You admonish him and look at him seriously. It hurt you to turn him away like that, but all you knew was that he was seeking Jaehyun's lack of attention from you. "NOOOO!" He kept crying and his whole face was red and wet. Tears rolled down his cheeks and snot ran under his nose. You lean over to the table and quickly take a handkerchief to clean him a little. But Sunoh didn't stop crying and now Geon, who was watching the whole situation, joined in. The 9 month old boy also started crying because his big brother was crying. Only Kiwoo was in a trance and continued to drink from your breast. He was so busy with his food that he didn't see the drama. Such scenes have happened a lot lately and you didn't know what to do anymore. You were glad that Miga was already so independent. "What's going on here?" Jaehyun came to you now and saw the whole catastrophe. Sunoh looked at him and cried again. "Mummyyyyy ..." He put his fingers in his mouth and his face was even wetter now. "Come on, leave Mummy alone now. We're going into the kitchen." Jaehyun was about to pick up Sunoh, but then the boy began to scream and clung to you. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" He was screaming so loudly that Miga covered her ears. "Come on Sunoh. Let go of Mummy." Jaehyun sighed and didn't understand why Sunoh had such outbursts of anger. "NOOO! I want to stay with Mummy." Sunoh screamed and screamed and you couldn't look at it any longer. "Jaehyun, just take Geon and go." After all, your little son was also sitting on the floor, looking at his older brother and crying too. You knew that he was only crying because Sunoh was crying and once he was gone he would calm down again. Jaehyun sighed and went around the couch to pick up Geon. Then he took Miga by the hand and they left the room. "My big boy, what's the matter with you?" You ask him worriedly and wipe his tears away. As soon as Jaehyun was out of the room, he calmed down again. "I want to be with you." Sunoh sobbed a little more, but he looked at you with wide eyes. "Okay, but no more crying. Okay?" You look at him seriously and Sunoh nodded. You open your arm and Sunoh lay down in your armpit. The boy looked back at the TV and Kiwoo slowly fell asleep on your chest.

After lunch, as always, Geon, Kiwoo and Sunoh took their nap. Miga sat in her room and played with her dolls. It was the first time you and Jaehyun could be alone. You are actually looking forward to this time, but today you are afraid of a confrontation. But nausea also contracted in your stomach. Have you been sick? "Y/N ... I'm sorry about yesterday." Jaehyun came up to you and looked at you with concern. So many emotions came up and immediately tears ran down your cheeks. "I don't know why I didn't called. I think I just needed an evening to myself." Jaehyun stroked his head and didn't quite know what to say. "Do you think I don't even need a break. My job is 24/7. I’m alone with the children and never have a break. I can only make the children sleep at the same time, like now, if you help." You got angry and couldn't control your tears. "Should we hire someone? Do you need help?" Jaehyun then asked, but that's not the problem. "No, that's not the point. I love our children and I am happy to be there for them 24/7. But what about us?" You look at him and press your lips together. "We just have to slow down now. It's only for a few more weeks. My job isn't forever and the children are just more important now. I don't have any more time." Jaehyun himself was desperate about the situation, but that was his only solution. But that statement broke your heart. He confirmed to you what you were afraid of. You weren't important enough right now. "You just decide to push me away?" You close your eyes for a moment and hope that you are just having a bad nightmare. "No, I don't want to push you away. But the job makes money and I can't neglect the children." "I miss you, that I can hardly bare it anymore and you make a list where you put me in. Apparently, drinking is more important than me too." You reach for a handkerchief to quickly drain your tears. "I really miss you. And it was so stupid from that I was yesterday out but...", Jaehyun said immediately, but suddenly you hear a voice. "Daddy, can we play?" Miga came down to you and you turn away because you didn't want her to see that you were crying. Jaehyun saw you pull away from him. He picked Miga up and kissed her cheek. "Of course, let's go play."

You have to admit that you weren't sure yourself if you were right. You feel selfish for soliciting Jaehyun's attention, but you miss him. And at the same time you were angry that he came home drunk yesterday evening and then argued this with "I need a break". You were in one back and forth. Your feelings were mixed up and you could hardly think clearly. You got that terrible nausea again. You notice how suddenly your body became so weak. Did you feel sick because of the psychological pressure? Why was your body so weird? But it didn't take long to think about it, because you couldn't hold the contents of your stomach in you anymore. You immediately run to the bathroom and throw up everything. Then you wipe your mouth and lean on the toilet seat. You didn't want any more, you were weak and hardly had any more strength. All of this made you so exhausted. Jealousy almost consumed you. What was wrong with you? You were now what you hated about Jaehyun. You hated it so much when he was jealous and now you're collapsing here because you didn't like him kissing another woman, that he was spending more time with this woman than with you and that she might be there last night too when Jaehyun had a drink with his coworkers. You pull your legs towards you and begin to cry bitterly. Your heart ached and you hate that side of you.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[caxsthetic]

Hopeful Eyes

Bokuto Koutarou x F!Reader x Akaashi Keiji

Hurtful Truth: Loving someone have consequences, including them, not loving you back

Pt. 1 < Part 2 > Pt. 3

“Hey, are you awake?” You were curled up in your bed with tears still wetting the pillow, “I am going to work, (Y/n).” He didn’t knock, knowing you were awake and didn’t want to pester you. Your best friend was so sincere and patience, making you feel guilty for not answering, “I made you breakfast and lunch. Do you want something for dinner?”

There was no light in the room with how the curtain never moved an inch. It was dark and cold, and it had been like this for almost a month now. It’s been days after the event when you take off the rose gold wedding ring from your finger. Somehow, you will linger your nails there, tracing the now empty space.

“I-I want onigiri.” It’s something that you and the editor enjoyed since high school, “I am okay with any brand.” He chuckled as he heard your voice. You are trying to say something but too abashed to ask for it.

“You want Onigiri Miya, isn’t it?” You pouted a little. He knew you like the back of his palm, “Alright, I will buy you some. I will take my leave now. See you tonight.” But he didn’t leave yet, waiting for you to answer.

He remembered how your eyes were blurred with tears when you stood in front of his house. You were shaking all over your body as you dropped your bag to the ground. He couldn’t think at all, but the only right thing to do that time was to pull you in his embrace.

You didn’t know where to go that night, and your family live on the different side of the country after all. When you share the news with your parents in the morning later, they are devastated. They knew how caring Bokuto was for you, and they knew how much you love him. So the fact that you two are not meant to be, shocking everyone who knew the two of you.

But then, no one could do anything to change the tragic reality.

“See you tonight, Kaashi.” A smile emerged on his face. After days trying to make you talk more, a simple parting feels like a vast advanced.

You could hear the sound of the door closing, meaning that the black-haired man finally leaves for work. With that, you sat down on your bed, trying to accumulate every last piece of the will to live. You want to reach your phone and searching for information about your ex-husband.

“If I found you scrolling the social media to find Bokuto-san, I wouldn’t hesitate to change your smartphone into a telephone.”

Remembering what Akaashi said when he saw you moping on his living room, you shuddered. He usually calmed and composed, but he sure could be scary sometimes. You throw your phone back to the bed, decided to just grab some breakfast instead.

Three weeks had passed when you were no longer a Bokuto. It still made you frown as you think about it since you love that owl so much. Even now, you still love him dearly. You shook your head and grabbed the breakfast that Akaashi prepared for you. Sliding down on one of the chairs, you just realised how quiet this house is.

“Itadakimasu.” You murmured, frowning at the lack of voice. Since married, you never eat breakfast alone. It’s something that you two wouldn’t miss, not even when he already falling out of love from you. You just stuffed your mouth with the delicious food, moaning here and there because Akaashi’s cooking is like from a Michelin star restaurant- not that you have ever been in one.

After having a lonely breakfast, you cleaned the whole house as a token of gratitude. You need to get back to the real work as fast as you can so you didn’t bother your best friend anymore. Even though he said that he didn’t mind the company, you were still feel bad about it.

Somehow, you couldn’t face Akaashi. It feels like you have failed him for getting a divorce with Bokuto. After all, you knew how Akaashi was the one who pushed you and the ace to have a relationship. He even cried at your wedding because he said that you two looks perfect together.

Maybe it’s finally time for you to take back your life. You were given a chance to found a new path to choose. It didn’t have to be about finding a new guy, but at least you need to work hard and become the independent woman that you always want.

So you started small. All-day long, you occupy yourself with work at home, doing all of the assignment that your boss gave to you. The digital company that you worked in was just full of considerate people. When they knew you are getting a divorce, they immediately told you to take a rest and get back to work until you were ready. Something that you were really grateful of.

Too focused on your work, you didn’t realise how the sun was long gone and replaced by the moon.

Akaashi was back from his work, and he blinked to see your room opened wide. You were not there, and it made him frantic for thinking about your whereabouts. He was trying to remain calm and search his house first. When he walked past the office room, you were there sitting with your legs crossed, fingers typing on the keyboard.

He smiled at the sight. It’s the first time he saw you out of the room without him nagging at you. You were too absorbed with your work and flinched when you heard a soft knock on the door that was opened wide. You turned around and found Akaashi, a smile appeared on your lips.

“I brought the onigiri.” That’s the only thing he said, and it made you jumped from the chair. In seconds, you were already stood in front of him, “You really love this onigiri, huh?”

“How could I not?!” You grabbed one from the plastic bag, “You bought me my favourite flavour! Thank you!” With the onigiri in your hand, you smiled and really looked like a child. The gunmetal blue eyes staring deep at your expression, “What is it, Kaashi?” You just realised that he didn’t respond to your gratitude.

“It’s just-” He gulped down and gave you a smile, your heart skipped a bit at the sight. But with just a blink of your eyes, it’s back to normal, “I just miss your cheery personality. It feels good to have you back.” You chuckled at this, Akaashi was always the best man that you want to keep in your life. He’s mature and thinks about everything through.

“Well, glad to have you here and be patience to me!” Akaashi patted your head gently and told you to sit down before eating the onigiri that he brought. After three weeks dominated with silence, he was glad he could gradually saw the real you coming back, something that’s forcibly taken away from your life.

“When is the first time you buy this onigiri?” The taste hooked your best friend since years ago, so it’s only natural that he brought up the overly famous onigiri as the topic of your conversation.

“I didn’t buy it actually,” You were just done munching on one and grab another from the plastic bag, “Miya Atsumu, the twin brother who owned this, is Bo’s teammates and he bought it for me.” His black eyebrows raised a little, “I usually brought them bento for each member. He said it was a little thing to say thank you.”

You moaned a little at how delicious the onigiri is, it’s rich with flavour, and the stuffing is overflowed, “But, here’s the tea,” You tried to wipe the filling out of your lips. Akaashi noticed this and helped you instead, brushing his thumb on your side lips carefully.

“There, you were clean now.” He said it with his usual calmed voice. You blinked and gulped down before faking a cough, trying to calm down the nagging feeling that prevailed in your heart. Something odd, something familiar yet you couldn’t pinpoint what is it. Or rather, didn’t want to explore it again, “So, the tea?”

“Ehem,” You smirked, and Akaashi already regretting it, “The Miya Atsumu, is having a crush on lil’ old me!” A triumphant smile appeared on your voice, “Since I still belong to Bo, Kaashi! Imagine that! How could someone have a crush on me? Someone’s married!”

You were saying that with a playful tone, but Akaashi knew you too well. In every word you said, there lay insecurity that you always tried to hide. Since you knew you would spend the rest of your life with Bokuto Koutarou, you haven’t think about what will you do if you ever get a divorce.

And now, it’s when everything becomes real. Your shoulder slouched immediately, Akaashi noticed the drastic changes and put down the onigiri back. You were silence, didn’t say a thing. It’s like your mind and body wouldn’t work properly anymore. So he did what he always does since the two of you were still teenagers.

He crawled beside you, wrapping his arm on your shoulder and pulled you to his embrace. You let out a loud gasped like your soul was finally back to your body, clenching at his shirt as you silently sobbed on his chest. He cooed you, fingers tugging your hair away from your face.

Akaashi Keiji is a martyr.

He was the one who introduced you to Bokuto that day, but he didn’t expect the two of you to fall in love at the process. The ex-setter has been in love with you way before you met the dual-coloured hair. But with how you clicked with the said man, Akaashi couldn’t help but just loving you from the sideline as you were married to the man of your dreams.

And it’s something that he regretted after knowing what his best friend has done to you. He hated the thought of someone could have hurt someone like you. You were so delicate and only wanted the best for the others, never been selfish in your life. And look where it brought you.

“Let it all out, (Y/n).” It pained him every time you emitted a sob, it feels like someone just stabbed him again and again, “I’ll be right by your side, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

He couldn’t do anything except holding you on his embrace. Something that he always did but yet, his arm has never become your last destination. He was so used to be the transit, and he didn’t mind it at all, as long as there’s the glimpse of you in his life.

***

Akaashi was now waiting for you to get off from your work. It has become a routine for the two of you ever since you were back to work on the office. Three months had passed when you were no longer a married woman. It was starting to get better, and every day seems like you were unstoppable.

But then he realised, it was all because you never met him. For three months, you never get face to face with the rowdy ex-husband of yours that you really love. It’s possible that you were just hiding the pain away, like what he always do his entire life.

Locking all of the love inside. Didn’t let anyone to find it.

The sound of familiar heels knocking at the ground woke him up from the deep thought. There you are, walking towards him with a smile like it’s plastered permanently on your face. You were gorgeous; you have been gorgeous in his eyes for his entire life.

This new routine made him enjoy his day more. He is always looking forwards to this moment, and even his coworker seems to notice this positive change that occurred in his life. Both of you will walk home together and past the grocery store, buying things for the house.

After talking about it, he decided to ask you to be his roommate. Since the house is his already, you agreed to help him with house chores and buying some things for the house. The thought of you living alone scared him. He didn’t want to wake up in the middle of tonight, thinking about your wellbeing, afraid that something will happen with how fragile your heart currently is. That’s why he wanted you to live with him instead.

Akaashi wouldn’t lie, this is what he always imagine if you were his from the start—going home together, appreciating your presence without even once leaving his gaze away from you. So when he knew his best friend was falling out of love from you, he just wanted to dash and reach you—confessing about the secret feeling that he harbours for you since the first year of his high school life.

You stopped in the middle of the walk all of a sudden. Akaashi realised this and turned his head to face you. You were looking at something, eyes full of adoration. He clenched his fist and followed where your gaze falls, knowing exactly what could possibly make your gazes looks like that.

There on the side of the road, a massive digital billboard was lightening the night. Bokuto Koutarou smiles so brightly as he jumped to spike a ball. It was a sight to behold, how he looks so happy and feel like everything is on his hands.

Everything, and you used to be one of it. You bit your lips, all of the walls that you build carefully seems to get teared down little by little as your eyes never leave the bright screen. Akaashi walked towards you and wiped the tears that already strolled down on your cheek, tears that you didn’t even realise still poured because of the feelings that you have for the ace of MSBY.

The state you were in, didn’t hurt just one heart. But you didn’t know that at the time,

“Hey, Kaashi.” You called out to your best friend who answered you with his usual hum, “Do you want to watch a volleyball match?” Akaashi blinked at your request. Eyebrows twitched with confusion.

“What do you want to achieve here, (Y/n)?” He didn’t know what will happen if you encounter Bokuto in real life. You have already let down the tears with just a sight of him in the billboard, Akaashi couldn’t imagine the scenario that will unfold if you saw the man you love that slipped between your fingers.

“I would never move on if I didn’t see him after all of this time, Keiji.” You were rarely called him by his given name. It must be serious if you used it, “I need to see him one more time, I need to part ways with him properly.” You gulped down, “But I couldn’t do it alone, I—”

“I will be there.” Akaashi caressed your arms that went rigid the second you watched the billboard, but it relaxed a little when his touched fall on yours, “You can count on me, (Y/n).”

After all, Akaashi Keiji will do anything for you without hesitating even for a second.

***

The gymnasium was so crowded today, it’s the semifinal of the tournament right now, and you were actually hyped for this moment. You always love the lively energy from the spectators that you could absorb, and even though you were no longer Bokuto’s wife, you will cheer on his team without a doubt.

“Oh, Akaashi-san.” You heard a familiar voice from the side. It’s Miya Osamu, the owner of Onigiri Miya. He looked at your best friend and talked to him like they were old friends. Akaashi decided to buy some to eat at the tribune.

Sometimes, the twins would steal a glance towards you. And it didn’t go unnoticed by Akaashi. His eyes twitched a little, annoyed by how the man in front of him looked like he has something on his mind while looking at you. Then there you were, standing beside Akaashi looking as oblivious as ever.

“What is it?” Your best friend asked the tall man, “Do you have something to say?” Miya Osamu blinked at the sudden possessiveness that lingered on your best friends’ voice.

“My apologies, miss. But—” You were now looking at the man, “Are you perhaps Bokuto Koutarou’s wife?” Your hand unconsciously cling to Akaashi’s wrist.

“What—”

“I am sorry, but I am not anymore.” You answered him with a little more confidence in your voice. Trying to calm down your best friend that somehow like he was ready to go berserk, “So if you are friends with Kaashi, just called me (L/n) from now on, thank you.”

You two take your leave after that, finding the best spot to watch the game. It was lucky for the two of you to find a place on the front row. The host calling out the starting line up, you were so hyped and screamed at the top of your lungs once your ex-husband teammates were being called.

“GO, GO! BOKUTO!” You looked so free when you cheered on him. It’s been months since the last time you saw him with both of your eyes after all. Pride engulfed your body as the game started and MSBY looks like they own the match already.

Akaashi stole some glances towards you, and he was sure you were still in love with his best friend by the look on your face. Your eyes may didn’t shine as bright as it used to. But it’s still there, lingering on your orbs as your gaze fell to the man who wore number twelve in the team.

If someone would ever ask him is it hurt or not, he would say it used to be so hurt. That at the one point if there’s a surgery to remove these feelings, he will pay for it even though he will live with debt for the rest of his life. But as the years pass by, he started to get used to it. He began to feel numb because he already been through all of the hurt. And on your wedding day with you walking down the aisle to his best friend, was the day when he finally cracked.

His gaze on you was split when you stood immediately and roared. He looked to the court because of your outburst. And you were right, MSBY won the first set with ease. After that, Akaashi will observe the play and told you about what actually happened on the court as you frequently cheered when someone from the team made a score. Mostly, it was your ex-husband, though.

“Oh, look who finally decided to show up on our game.” Miya Atsumu found your figure on the front row, smiling excitedly with how the game’s work, “Guys, that’s our mom.” This sentence brought everyone attention to you. All of them widened their eyes when they realised it was you.

Bokuto dropped his water bottle, too shocked to see you there. Does she cheer on me? Will she still want to cheer for me? As if to know what’s crossing his mind, Miya wrapped one arm on his neck, “Whoa! Our mom looks like she brought someone along!”

That’s when Bokuto noticed the man who accompanied you. Miya Atsumu expected the ace to go emo and whined. But no, he just smiles at the sight. He was happy to know that Akaashi will take care of you. He knew how close you to are, like a brother and sister who couldn’t leave each other side.

Though, the entire team could see something that their ace couldn’t grasp. The black-haired man beside you gazing at you with eyes full of love and adoration. They knew it because it was how you always look at the ace every time you came to bring them food. The entire team wanted to tell him that,

But maybe making him realised it by himself is the best option that they could offer.

The match has ended with MSBY as the winner. Enjoying the game and cheered at the top of your lungs feels like you were just pouring all of your problems out from your system. You were so excited and told your best friend about how happy you are today. Akaashi listened to every word you said as he held your wrist gently to prevent you from being lost in the crowded place.

Both of you were already near the exit when a familiar voice roared behind you,

“HEY HEY HEY!!!” You jolted when you heard the famous line from Bokuto. The sound that you couldn’t get tired of actually, no matter what the circumstances is, “Are you two going to watch me play without saying hi?” He pouted, the same expression that he always wore when he felt neglected by you, and it still works.

“We are sorry, Bokuto-san. We thought you were busy after the match.” Akaashi said calmly as his gunmetal blue eyes locked with the golden one, “Good game today.” He was ready to turn around and just pulled you out. Your eyes showed how you were longing for the loud man, and it didn’t go passed his gaze unnoticed.

“H-Hey, wait!” Bokuto ran out to you, cutting the gap between you and him. This action made Akaashi stood in front of you, shielding you from the closeness of the someone you love. The tug on his shirt startled him. He turned to look at you, your eyes gazing at him with reassurance.

At this time, you are ready. You slipped your hands away from Akaashi and took a step towards Bokuto, a smile adorning your cheek, and it something almost made Bokuto cry. His golden orbs were glossy with tears already, but he held everything back, remembering the promise that he made to his best friend and teammates.

“You really play a good game, Bo!” You patted his shoulder as Akaashi eyeing the interaction between you and the ace, “Win the match tomorrow, okay?! Tell the others that I miss them all!”

“They really miss you, (Y/n).” Even if you were now calling him by his last name, it’s weird for him to call you with your family name too. After all, for three whole years, you were known to be a Bokuto, “I miss you too, you know.” He scratched his neck a little, “And uhm… I-I really wish that someday you will be loved by someone too, as much as you love them.” And someone who didn’t waste your love like I did.

You remember the wish that you gave to him the night where you two saying goodbyes for each other. This time, you didn’t know either to cry or just smile at him. He looks great and healthy, like nothing actually impact his life. With volleyball trailing on his days, he was happy enough. At least that was shown from the outside. And his happiness is the only thing that you need to know before closing this one chapter of your life.

He used to love you, and that’s the only fact that you need to hold. So you took a step forward and wrapped your arms around his torso. Engulfing him on one last hug as your feeling still burst with love. He was a little bit shocked by the action, but he holds you back without a second doubt, “I wish you the best in your life, (Y/n).”

“And I wish you the best too, Koutarou.” You two parted ways, smiling and grateful for choosing to come to this match. Maybe your love for him wouldn’t begone entirely. But it will, one step at a time.

You walked beside Akaashi, who still has a worried look on his eyes. But when your eyes met him, he knew that you will be fine from now on. Bokuto looked at the two, and happy to found that you were not alone in your journey.

He was aching for you, for your attention. Thank his teammates that he at least have a considerable amount of food. He wanted you, but he didn’t love you anymore. Like what Akaashi said, he needed to stop being selfish.

His finger patted his pocket, hiding there was your wedding ring. Maybe he wouldn’t have you anymore, but it will always remind him the best three years that he ever have. One good thing in his life that he needed to let go.

So he turned his head, walking back towards his team. He missed how your smile never leave your face as your hands were wrapped around the arms of someone. Your eyes shone with hope, something that you lost three months ago. And now, you started to find it in the form of Akaashi Keiji.

[storytime-with-moth]

Writing modern teen Dad Sokka (zukka uni)

I wrote this a few months ago, but I ran out of steam and inspiration, so anyone is welcome to take this on and finish it as their own or take it as a prompt and try there own story.

Summer of grade 11, Sokka and Yue spend the whole summer as lifeguards, soaking up the sun, making each other laugh and dreaming of the future.

One night it’s just the two of them in the pool after it’s closed, you can see the full moon through the windows above, Sokka and Yue lay on floaties driving around the pool.

“Hey Sokka?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Sokka laughs “Haven’t heard that since I was a kid and I wanted to be and otter penguin - and no I have no idea where that came from.”

Yue turns over so she can look Sokka in the eyes. “Seriously though, what do you want to do when you can leave this small town and its small ideas.

Sokka could tell that there was more behind the question but tired answering it honestly “I dunno exactly “What” I want to be, but I think I would like to build things, useful things too. And I’m not really a car guy or a building guy.”

Yue snorts “Ya not a car guy, says the guy who failed to get his license twice!”

“Hey!” Sokka splashes yue playfully. “Okay okay, I have been looking the some of the research into mixing prosthetics with robotics and focusing more on make prosthetics one with the body, I don’t know much about it yet. But I guess I started reading all about them and I kinda became obsessed.”

“what about hockey?”

“I love hockey, and the coaches at school think I’m good enough to get scholarships, so if hockey helps support an actual career for me I’m all for it, but I know I want to do more than catch pucks my whole life, I want to really use my brain and solve puzzles.”

“hmm” Yue turned over and looked back at the moon thoughtful.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well as you so gracefully put it, what do you want to do when you can leave this place that’s too small for you and your big ideas and dreams?”

“Well when you put it like that… I want to travel, see places, important places. I want to fall in love, out of love, I want to have enough friends that my house is always filled with good food and loud laughter. I want to be a Mom someday, I think maybe I want to go to school and study philosophy, not sure what kind of job that leads to but I want to ask questions, the big questions like why are we here, what is a life well spent?”

“Whoa”

“Ya… Whoa”

“and have you talked to your dad about that?

“Sort of, and it sort of didn’t go well.”

“he’s still set on you making the Canadian swim team? Duty to country and family stuff?”

“YeP” she said as she popped the P

“That sucks”

“indeed it does”

They floated around in silence for a bit longer.

“Hey Sokka?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to have sex?”

Sokka promptly fell into the water, Yue’s laugh echoing around the empty pool.

They did indeed tumble into bed together that night, an awkward interaction for both of them that ended with the laughing covered in sweat. That morning when Sokka woke up Yue was already sitting on his bed looking at his doodles on the walls.

“Sokka I love you, I do, and I honestly thought maybe I loved you like a girl loves a guy, but I think I just love you because you're my best friend.”

“Ookaaay. I think I should add in you’re my best friend too? Because you’re being weird”

Yue looked to her hands in her lap and a tear fell to her hand. “Sokka, think I might like girls.”

She said it so quietly that it took a second for Sokka to understand what she had just told him.

“Whoa, no I mean, Cool! That’s fine. I support you, wait was I really bad last night?”

Yue’s tears quickly turn into laughs “No you idiot! You ere great, it just wasn’t right”

“Okay well cool then…..”

“Cool then”

“promise you won’t tell?”

“Yue, I promise I won’t tell! I can even pretend to be your boyfriend so your dad can’t freak out, and we can totally go to the girls soccer games this year if you want?”

“Sokka I love you, you big dummy”

“Well I love you to, to the moon and back dreamer”

___________________________________

So Sokka and Yue were still best friends and they spent the fall attached at the hip, and when Yue found out she was expecting a baby and her parents kicked her out, Sokka just grabbed her hand and her backpack and walked into his house stating that Yue lived here now.

Hakoda and Bato nodded and welcomed her home, Katara squealed and fawned over becoming an auntie.

And for a while things were good, they were complicated as they prepared to become teen parents, co parenting as best friends, both of them aiming for scholarships and working part-time gigs whenever they could to save up. But life was happy, they were going to have a baby.

But then things went wrong, Yue went into labour 6 weeks early, her pressure dropped, the baby’s dropped, there was blood, there were doctors everywhere, then there was a small shrill cry, more moving and running and yelling. Then there was a lot of quiet.

Yue died in labour, their baby was in the NICU for three weeks to improve her lungs and even then doctors were worried about how premature she was. Finally after weeks camped out in a hospital next to his baby in a box or in his bed in the dark or the shower staring at the wall, he could bring his daughter home. She was going to be okay.

Her name was Juno Kya Last name, and she was perfect, wide hazel eyes like her Mom, and the sharp cupids bow like Kya, it looked like she would have Sokka’s dark hair and complexion. She watched everything with curious eyes, and didn’t cry unless she was hungry or tired which was often the first few months. But Bato and Hakkoda loved their granddaughter to bits and helped with everything. The diapers, the late feedings, the tummy time, the grieving.

The grieving was the hardest. Mostly because he was to busy trying to be there as a Dad and as a student and as a team player. He spent so long being there for everyone else that one night once hockey season was over and Katara took Juno to a girls sleepover he was all alone, for the first time since he was a little boy after his Mom died.

The dam burst and he sat on the floor and cried, he cried until his Dads came home and they wrapped him up in a hug and he cried some more. Then they made hot chocolate and sat on the couch in thick chewy blankets. They talked and talked, Hakkoda speaking about loosing the love of his life with two young children, being a dad by himself, Bato spoke about loosing his best friend Kya so unfairly and traumatically. The spoke about the unfairness of life and the peace in death, and how he will never move on but he will move forward, with one hand holding his daughter and the other pointing him forward to his own future.

When Katara came home the next day, Sokka was already awake and making blueberry pancakes poorly singing ice ice baby. When he saw his sister holding Juno he scooped her up and gave her a million kisses.

They were going to be okay, because they were loved, because Sokka was smart, because Sokka was going to be driven just like his best friend was, he was going to ask the big questions whenever he could, and love and laugh, so much his home was filled with it.

For Juno and for Yue, and for himself too.

_________________________

So Sokka worked his ass off, he won a full ride scholarship to university for hockey to study bio engineering, he was even able to work on family residence on campus, which took a load off his shoulders of trying to figure out travel to and from school with a baby, now he skates, lives and attends school on campus (which even had a daycare)

During the summer leading up leaving for school Bato revealed that ever since Sokka got into school he has been trying to transfer his job to the same city so they could be closer and he had not only done that but he had gotten a promotion out of it too. So Katara was starting at a new high school for senior year and Bato and Hakkoda were moving to be 20 minutes away from Sokka’s school.

He knew he would have to get used to being more independent, as he knew his dads thought he would be annoyed by them following him, or his sister would be upset about changing schools. But no, katara had high hopes for her new adventure and sokka was just relived to not be alone, and that Juno had more than one badly an adult person in her life.

_________________

Little hands grabbed at Sokka’s hair as he hoisted 9 month old Juno up on his hip. “Well June-Bug this is it our home for the next four or so years”

Juno looked up at her dad with wide hazel eyes and replied in noisy baby babble.

From behind Sokka Bato came up and rested a hand on on his shoulder “Deep breaths kid, you’re going to be great.”

Sokka smiled ruefully at Bato as Katara ran up with a stroller full of baby things and his dad struggled with his hockey bags as he tried to lock the car with one hand.

Sokka looked at Juno again and whispered to her and himself “Deep breaths kid”

Later after they had gotten the crib set up in the attached office to Sokka’s room Bato and Katara took Juno for a walk in her stroller to grab some food. While Sokka and his dad finished unpacking.

“Son are you sure you want to stay on campus, are you sure you want Juno to stay with you? We could take her for the weeks mostly and you could come stay with us at the new place on weekends. I know you expected to do this more by yourself, but Bato would move oceans for you kid and got the new position in town, so we’re here, we can help.”

“Dad… Ya I’m going to need help, so thank you, I will take you up on looking after Juno when I need it, but you and Bato are going to be looking after her as her grandparents and not as her guardians. I promised Yue - Juno and I are family, and I’m not going to pass her off whenever I feel like not being a Dad anymore, she’s my kid and I want to be here for all the stuff, the walking the talking everything, and that’s not going to happen if she’s only my kid on weekends.

“Sokka you’re doing just fine son, more than fine really. Okay okay well when Juno wants to see her Great Papa and GB (Grand Bato) you give us a call, or if you need to pull an all nighter for an assignment you call, anything you call and we can be here. And when you get your game schedule, email us so we can make sure one of us can take her to the games, Bato is very excited about the baby headphones he bought her.”

“Okay Dad Okay, Now get out of here ya old man, and Dad Thanks for being here.”

“Of course Sokka”

________________________

Sokka was pretty pleased with his new place, sure it was small, but it was clean and had more room than he expected to get so he was grateful. The suite was in the family/accessible living accommodations which was a small building with elevators to every floor. This suite had two rooms on opposite sides of the small common area which had a worn in couch and a coffee table. There was also a small kitchen and an even smaller dinner table. Sokka’s room had a small attached office space that he turned into Juno’s room, even though she still co-slept with him most nights, it was good to have a crib for naps and a place to put her never ending supply of diapers, blankets and clothes.

Sokka's roommate was a paraplegic kid named Teo who happened to have basically the same schedule as Sokka so they quickly bonded over advancements in the medical and mechanical fields. Teo also seemed pretty chill and took a liking to Juno right away. Which made Sokka endlessly happy because, well they were now living together and babies cry and poop so he was worried about tiptoeing around his new home.

Day care still didn’t open for the next two weeks while sokka would be attending training camp so his Dad would be taking most of the days with Juno, but it happened to shake out where the first day of meet and greet and skate Hakkoda was attending a support group meeting for retired field medics in a new city and Sokka didn’t want his Dad to miss it, plus it gave Sokka an opportunity to introduce everyone to his best girl.

Katara came to hold Juno while he was on the ice excited to get a sneak peek at university life before her high school year started.

“Da da da” Juno babbled as she mushed her fist into Sokka’s mouth, sokka smiled and pretended to gobble up her hand, the baby shrieked and laughed and Sokka adjusted her baby sweater around her neck.

“Sokka she’s fine, I have diapers, formula, and the big blanket you packet in the stroller, if she gets fussy I can take her for a walk to see the birds, and she won’t get cold because you packed a million layers and she will be held by every limbo there so again, she will be fine.”

Sokka checked the stroller again nodding to what his sister was saying. She was right, he was prepared, he had already emailed with the coaches so they knew what was up and he had coffee with the captain yesterday, who looked like a giant holding his baby, but overall seemed like a good guy. Eric “Wooly Mammoth/ Wooly” Woolner seemed like a solid guy, like physically solid and also like the type of guy Sokka could lean on as a leader while figuring out classes, fatherhood and being on a university level hockey team.

Everyone met in a blank sort of room with lots of chairs facing a projector, Sokka thought it was probably to review game footage and make new plays. He settled in with Juno on his lap as the other guys in the room took notice that there was a baby in their midst.

“Sokka you brilliant man!” Shouted a familiar face from across the room as he stood up and ran over.

Haru was taller and broader than Sokka, much bigger at least than when they last saw each other when they played on the same club team when they were 15.

“Haru, dude! You’re here! Awesome!”

Haru took a look at Juno and sized her up, then he stuck out his tongue and did a silly dance, Juno hid her face in Sokka’s shoulder and Haru ran around so she could see him and did it again. This time he managed to get a small smile before she hid her face again, grabbing Sokka’s collar with her hands.

“She’s cute Socks, she yours?”

“Yep, this is Juno.”

“Nice, is she gonna be at the games and shit?”

“Easy up on the potty mouth there dude, and ya I hope so, my dads moved into town so they hope to be there and bring her to them and stuff.”

“Wicked, is the uh - mom in the picture?”

“Nah, she passed when Juno was born so it’s just us.”

“Sorry bro”

“Thanks, anyways we should totally catch up properly later. Let’s introduce the team to our new good luck charm shall we?”

Katara was right, Juno has passed from bro to dude to himbo, once she realized that everyone one here was as big and cuddly as her dad she seemed to warm up and enjoy the attention. Then it was time for everyone to get on the ice to pass around the puck and do some laps getting a feel for the other players on the ice.

Juno sat with Katara smearing her messy hands all over the glass looking at the people on the rink until she fell asleep in her stroller tucked under a whole blanket.

Sokka enjoyed the team, Haru was a great comfort of home, Wooly was a level headed captain that set a tone for the rest of the guys, then there was Lucas “Longshot” Cho, Dennis “The Duke” Cunningham, Sam “Rooke” Chesterfield, Finn “Pipsqueak” Biggs, and the team manager Suki and the assistant captain Zuko.

All of the guys were loud and boisterous, including Suki, but Zuko seemed reserved and maybe a little prickly.

Then there were coaches Piandao and Bumi. Piandao seemed more serious, the man with a plan. He had coached a lot of different teams and was sought after for his reputation of the coach who turns coal into diamonds, Bumi on the other hand had coached here forever it seemed. He gave Sokka Manic genius vibes that had him thinking that maybe he should let Piandao hold Juno for the occasional practise instead of the ripped crazy old guy who ran around the ice in uggs.

——————

Later when Sokka was packing up and talking to the coaches about potentially bringing Juno with him in case he couldn’t find a sitter last minute working out how that would work, Katara pulled up with a fussy Juno in her stroller.

“Sorry Sokka I have to run, Dad is outside waiting for me and I have to finish unpacking my room tonight”

“All good Kat, thanks again for coming tonight!”

Katara leaned down and kissed her fingers and pressed them to Juno’s head “Love you little bug”

The coaches bid their farewells shortly after and Sokka packed his stuff into the stroller before taking Juno out to settle her and give her a bottle.

Just as he tucked her into his arms and pulled the bottle from the bag someone walked briskly into the locker room where he was sitting.

Zuko and Assistant Captain huffed in and sat down hanging up his phone and tossing it on the bench.

“Uh hi?”

Zuko whirled around looking ready for a fight before spotting Sokka and said baby sucking on a bottle. “Hi Baby.” Zuko said shyly.

Sokka laughed “ Take me on a date before you call me that.” And winked at Zuko.

Zuko looked like a startled deer so Sokka took pity on him.

“Just kidding dude, I mean sort of I am Bi - what a discovery that was and anyways - sorry I wasn’t coming on to you - I don’t know you - I just thought I should make it clear that I COULD come on to you because I like guys, and girls…. Whelp I would start running away in shame now for oversharing but I’m currently a food spruce for this nugget sooo, yep just going to sit here and wish I could time travel to punch myself in the face.”

Throughout the vomit of words coming out of sokka’s mouth Zuko seemed to relax and then smirk at the other man.

“You do know I was talking to your kid right?”

“Yep, yes I did”

“Well see you around Sokka.”

And Zuko grabbed his bag and left the locker room. First impressions for today might be bit all over the place Sokka thought to himself.

____________________________________

Sokka talked to Juno all of the time. What can he say, he is a guy with a lot of words and they can’t all stay in his head.

So Juno has an interesting and advanced vocal for a 9 month old baby.

Of course she can address the people in her life, Dada, Kat, Great Papa, and GB (Great Bato)

She can also ask for milk, to go up, and uh oh.

She loves to say no but can infect say yes (sokka swears he’s heard that one)

But it also means she tries to say things that Sokka often says to varying degrees of baby success

“Stupid gravity!”

"Monkey balls”

“Shoot”

“I love you to the moon and back”

“hockey time.

And her favourite word of all time

Puck

It stopped making Sokka freeze after the first 2o times he thought he heard his baby say fuck. Now its just a cute funny thing his kid has figured out, Dada has to find the puck, and it is her job to hide them.

She hides pucks everywhere, he swears sometimes she is multiplying them on her own because he always finds at least two in the diaper bag and one hidden in her crib.

So very quickly into the season the team dubs the hockey baby with her very own nickname

“Little puck”

Sokka quietly thinks that Yue would have liked that one because her favourite Shakespeare play was midsummer night's dream.

________________________

The team gets Juno and Sokka a fancy running stroller for her birthday/christmas

It was Zuko’s idea

Zuko sometimes comes by to offer to take her for a run when Sokka has exams.

_______________________

Zuko seemed to always be the last to leave the locker rooms, Sokka would usually rush out to pick up Juno from whoever had her unless she had stayed with Couch Dao during practise which she had today.

On days like today Sokka takes his time, cleans and folds his gear, re-tapes his stick for next practise and actually has a real shower. So today he was tucking Juno back in her stroller after changing her as Zuko put the tape away. They were casually talking about the hilarious origins of Pipsqueaks nickname when sokka realized Zuko had a funny look on his face.

“What? Do I have poop on me or something?”

Now Zuko looked even more confused as Sokka looked at his shirt, twisting around to make sure he was free of baby droppings.

“No, you just never look at it, is all. I was trying to figure out what was so -weird about you other than being a crazy goalie, and you don’t look at it.”

“I don’t look at what?”

Zuko gestures to the scared half of his face glumly. “You don’t look at it, you look me in the eyes, always have. It’s weird I guess. You pretending it’s not there.”

“Oh”

“Forget it, sorry.”

“No! It’s just of course I know it’s ther, I’m not pretending its not there, it just seems like whatever happen was probably truamitic, ya know? And - well - okay so tragic backstory time. My Mom was killed in a targeted home invasion by some racists, super fucked up... “

“Holy shit.”

“Yep, anyways everyone knew about it, in the town we lived in, in the next town we lived in, So it was like everyone could see my big truma all the time, it wasn’t up to me to trust people enough to share something that was hard for me and that hurt. It was out of my hands and everyone knew including people I didn’t feel safe with or I didn’t know at all. So I get it, in a way. I see your scar I do, but I get that it maybe comes with a pretty sucky story that’s not mine to make assumptions and judgments on. If I’m worthy of knowing then I will, but I will always look you in the eyes, I’m not going to look at your trauma first because you’re Zuko first.”

Zuko stared at Sokka with his mouth open. Sokka looked away and finished strapping Juno into her stoller before looking back up at the other player. When he did Zuko was looking at the wall, his shoulders turned away from the young father.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry about your Mom… I promise I won’t tell anyone, that scar can stay between us for however long you need.”

And before Sokka could stay anything Zuko turned on his heel and walked quickly from the room.

________________________-

Sokka wasn’t sure what was up with this Zuko guy, everyone else on the team except Haru and Sokka had played with Zuko last year, so they all seemed to have an unspoken understanding of the reserve alt captain. But Sokka couldn’t even get him to smile. Sokka knew he was funny, he was full of 100% organic grass fed dad jokes for goodness sakes! But no, Zuko would not smile, he would not laugh, actually most of the time he seemed to be trying to not talk to Sokka in general. Which was hard considering Zuko was one of the defensemen and it was his job to protect Sokka, you’d think there would be an effort to become friends.

“Maybe he’s uncomfortable with the whole baby thing?” Suggested Teo from the table where he was copying data to a new chart.

“Nahh, I don’t think so, he even said hi to Juno at the first prac - ohhhhhhh” Sokka fell to the floor from where he was sitting with Juno, she took the opportunity of her opponent on the ground and began to climb on her dad.

“What ohhhhhh?”

“I totally flirted with him after that and told him I was queer and he like panic walked out of the locker room.”

“Ugh so do you think he’s homophobic or something?”

“Maybe or something? I don’t get bully vibes from him more like “I act scary so people won’t pretend to like me and then stab me in the back” vibes from this guy. So maybe it’s just a little internalized stuff and he’s not going to beat me up just might not want to talk about it.”

“Well it sucks either way!”

Juno continued to climb around her Dad trying to stuff toys down his shirt and then take them out again. Sokka kept a hand two inches from her back whenever she got close to standing just incase she decided that gravity no longer applied to her and she tumbled over.

“Hey Sokka, do you think he told anyone? Would your spot be in danger if you were outed?”

A cold feeling settled in his stomach “oh shit, I uh, I didn’t think about that… I don’t think I would be kicked off the team. There are policies like that for the school, but I don’t know about how safe I would be from the boys.”

“Oh,” Teo finally looked up from his laptop and set down his highlighter. “You know if you need someone to back you up, I know I can’t take them in a fight but I am friends with some freelance hackers and I could make their lives living hell.”

“Teo, you my man are one scary dude, and the wheels only add intimidation with that tricked out chair. You’re also a really great friend.”

Teo blushed and shrugged “Eh it’s whatever, us queers in engineering trying to change the way people use bionic tech gotta stick together right?”

“Totally, isn’t Uncle Teo awesome June-Bug?” Sokka picked up his daughter and flew her over his head as she wiggled her legs.

“Too too!”

“Uncle Teo?” teo said quietly from the table.

“Oh, well ya, if you want? Juno needs a village right? And one day you and I are going to start a bionics company together, so ya you’re going to be around for a while right?”

“Right.” Teo smiled.

“Toto!” Juno screamed again.

Both of the boys laughed and the night went on.

_______________________________________

Juno was still asleep and Teo was in the house studying so Sokka took the opportunity to go for a run around his building with the baby monitor clipped on his waist band.

It was rare nowadays that Sokka could get a good run in outside, his feet pounding the pavement, a chance to clear his mind.

He was surprised to see that Zuko apparently had the same idea because soon they were matching each other stride for stride around the complex. It was surprising even after weeks of Zuko evading Sokka at any chance they seemed to be in sync.

They were still going strong when Sokka heard Juno fuss from the monitor and slowed to a stop. Zuko halted a few paces ahead and looked confused.

“Are you tired? We can stop-” Zuko started but Sokka quickly waved him off.

“No it’s Juno, I just want to see if she’s going to go back to sleep herself or whether I have to call Teo to pick her up, or if I should go get her. Come on J-Bug settle down,”

Zuko looking curious came to hover over Sokka’s shoulder looking down at the tiny screen which showed Juno in her crib tossing and turning.

“Come on J look your penguin is right there- YES!” Sokka pumped his fist and did a little dance. “My baby went back to sleep, ah I love you!” He continued speaking to the machine and the sky and skipped around before remembering he had an audience.

It looked like Zuko was thinking about smiling and Sokka thought that that might be worth celebrating too.

“Hehe whoops, sorry man. I just haven't been able to run in forever, it's like she knows when I grab my runners and demands to see me.”

“No worries, Sokka.”

So the two hockey players started up a soft pace again around the building. It came to Sokka's mind that he shouldn’t poke the bear but he also had poor impulse control so as he thought it the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“So have you outed me to all the guys and should I watch my back?”

Now it was Zuko’s turn to stop, he looked like Sokka slapped him.

“What.”

“Ugh! You know, like I can not talk about it and we can just play the game but - should I be making sure that Juno is safe? If she comes to a practise and I’m leaving will I get roughed up by the guys? Because I can take a hit, but my daughter is off limits. Nothing has happened yet so, my guess is you haven't told anyone, but are you going to?”

“No!” Zuko still looked scared “ Never - do I come off as someone who would do that?” He followed up quietly.

“I don’t know what to say dude, you looked scared out of your mind when I flirted with you and practically ran out when I told you I was Bi and ever since you have avoided me, I just assumed you were uncomfortable.”

Zuko looked around as if to check for monsters around them, then he looked at Sokka. “I won’t tell anyone, I haven't, I swear to you that I have your back if you ever want to say anything about it. Juno is safe, I swear it.”

“Whoa that’s a serious tone shift, Um thank you then.”

There was an awkward pause as the two men regarded each other for a moment.

“Just out of curiosity why did you avoid me after? Was it the baby thing?”

“No, it wasn't the baby thing.” zuko mumbled and toed the dirt with his shoe.

“Okay… but were good now right?”

“Ya”

Sokka turned and started to jog again, and soon enough Zuko caught up and they continued for a few more laps. As they were cooling down Zuko still looked amped up, Sokka was surprised, running usually calmed him down but Zuko seemed jumpy.

“Well this was fun! If I can ever join again it would be nice to have company, even company as quiet as you along.”

“Why don’t you bring Juno in her stroller or something?”

Sokka rubbed a hand behind his neck “ Well her stroller is a second hand one we got when she was born, it’s not the kind I can take running without it falling apart or bouncing my babies brains out. And her Mom and I both had much to offer in genetic smarts so I would like my babies brain to be perfect so she can run the world or something.”

“Oh and I guess running strollers are expensive?”

“Ya a bit, and I already spend so much on her clothes, she just won’t stop growing!”

“Too bad, it was also nice running with you.”

“Wow a real Zuko compliment, be still my beating heart!”

Sokka grabbed his chest and fell back and rolled in the grass. Zuko’s lips tilted up just a fraction and butterflies fluttered in sokka’s stomach.

Just then Juno started to cry in earnest and Teo’s voice came over the monitor. “Uh Sokka is her bottle the one in the door of the fridge or do I make a new one?”

Sokka sighed a little then pressed the intercom button on the monitor “Don’t worry about it Teo I will be up in two. Just start telling her the periodic table or something.”

“See you later Zuko”

“Bye Sokka.”

_____________

Sokka’s head was pounding and his vision was blurry, as he stumbled in the dark to the toilet and heaved.

“Fuck.”

At some piont after the sweating and throwing up he dragged himself back to his room to fetch his phone. Juno was fast asleep in her crib because he had a headache last night and homework took forever, so he had put her down early.

Back in the bathroom he rested his head on the cool tile and dialed up his dad with shaky fingers.

After three rings Hakkoda picked up in a panic “Sokka, are you okay? Is Juno okay? Where are you?”

Sokka squinted his eyes at the loud voice of his Dad ringing around his skull. “Dad? I think I have the flu.”

“Oh bud, okay. What’s going on, how can I help?”

“I had a headache last night so I put J down for bed early then I woke up with a fever, I keep throwing up, Dad I -” Sokka felt a lump in his throat and tears sting his eyes. “Dad I don’t want to her her, she was just so small, and I don’t want her to get sick. I know I have to do this, but i love her so much and I dont want to fuck up - “

The tears fall down his cheeks to the floor.

“Oh son, okay. One you love that kid more than anything you would die before hurting her this I know. Two people get sick, people also get better with rest and the I think I can help with that.”

“Dad I know I’m grown up ish, but can you tell me what to do?”

Hakkoda chuckled on the other end of the line. “Sokka, Bato and I will come pick up Juno in 30 minutes, we will drop off some crackers and gatorade too.”

“Dad- “

“Nope Sokka, you asked so I am telling you what we are going to do. We will come and get our baby girl and take her for a few days, You will email your profs and get your homework sent to you, you can only go to class when you don’t have a fever and if you do you’re going to wear a mask, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good you will email your coaches tell them whats what, when you feel better you can go watch practise, the cool might even be good for the fever, but you will not push yourself. This week will not make or break the rest of your life. So you will sleep, rest, do your work form home, and Juno will play at GB and great Papa’s house. And everything will be okay.”

“Okay. Thank you dad”

“We will be there soon buddy”

So Juno went with his Dad’s and he sent his emails and face planted in his bed and passed out for 6 hours.

Later an hour before practise Sokka’s phone pinged, he groaned and grasped around for his phone.

A text from Fire Prince Zuko

Coaches just said you won’t be at practise tonight. Is everything okay? Is Puck good?

Flu bug, don’t want to mess up that pretty ice with my vomit. Juno seems fine she’s at my Dads house until I’m not dying of the plague

A few minutes went by after that and sokka’s eyes started to fall again. “Ping”

I can drop off soup and tea on my way to practise, which suite is yours in family huas?

Dude its fine I can feed myself

Dude. I’m helping at my uncle’s tea shop today. They have soup and tea, it’s no problem. In fact my uncle insists.

14a second floor

And thank you Z

What are Alt Capts for?

Hakkoda was right, everything was indeed okay in the end. Juno had a blast at her grandparents house and sokka managed to get all of his homework done and even managed to watch a few lectures online courtesy of Teo. Zuko was the anomaly he could’t account for but was grateful for none the less. Whenever he could he stopped by with snacks, soup, tea and even weirder sent cute cat and baby videos at random points during the days.

Within 4 days Sokka felt good enough to go to classes and do some dryland training uring practise and after one more day he was back catching pucks on the rink with his daughter sleeping in the bed next to him one hand fisted on his shirt to make sure her dad didn’t leave.

After that week sometimes Zuko would still stop by with a tea, which Sokka had begun to like even when he wasn’t dying. Except now he would occasionally stay and drink his own tea while they watched juno play on the floor.

Sokka was starting to think he might have a new friend after all…

_____________________

[mosh-4]

when you were sleeping

harry styles imagine

when you were sleeping - your family has a crisis when he’s away.

warning: angst. suicide

.

.

.

you and Harry were currently braving a long distance relationship. it was difficult, but you both managed. you loved him, but you were also a very independent person. you didn’t need to be constantly surrounded by him to know that he loved you. you were on your last year of college, and he was in Tokyo writing music. you both had goals and were striving for them together.

from where you lived, Tokyo was 14 hours ahead. that meant you could only talk to Harry from 6 pm to 2 am your time, which would be 8 am to 4 pm his time. you only could talk to him within those 8 hours since you both had to sleep at some point and he also had to write music. it got to be frustrating, but you made it work.

you received your daily call from Harry when you were laying in bed. it was midnight where you were, 2 pm where he was. you decided to come home to visit your family since your university was having a 4 day weekend. you had thursday and friday off going into the weekend. it was nice. you got to see your dogs and eat home cooked meals.

             “i think ‘m gonna have a late night tonight,” Harry muttered through the phone.

             “oh yeah,” you said brushing a hand through your almost dry hair.

             “yeah,” he said. “some of the guys want to go out tonight.”

             you laugh. “sounds fun.” you roll onto your stomach. “when can i expect you to be awake?”

he laughed. Harry was big on getting up early. most days he got up at 8 am, sometimes 9 am if he was pushing it, but on mornings after nights he stayed out late, he tended to get up from 10 am to 11 am, if it was really late, he even slept until noon.

             “i don’t want to stay out past 3 so hopefully no later than 10.”

             you laugh. “okay, you goof. text me when you go to sleep so i know you’re still alive.”

             “will do. how did your test go?” he asked changing the subject.

             “it was good…” you continued to tell him about how well you did, and you began to talk about the production you were currently working on at school.

--

on thursday at 1:43 pm, you received a text.

             harry: night night lovie

you laughed to yourself in the kitchen as you made yourself a cup of tea. your boyfriend was a goof. it was 3:43 am his time. you knew he wouldn’t be awake until at least noon his time. it wasn’t so horrible for him to sleep in. he got a lot of writing done this week. you remember him telling you about one of the songs he was working on and how it was almost complete.

you finished making yourself a cup of tea and took a seat on the couch with your two dogs putting on a movie you found on tv.

--

it was 5:36 pm. you had just gotten home from visiting with some of your friends from high school who were home on an early fall break. you were soaking wet from the rain. you were still home alone. your parents were at your brother’s teacher night at school, and your brother was at his football practice. you let the dogs out and gave them their dinner.

you decided to call your cousin, Lauren, to check in on her. she was the same age as your brother, and you three were extremely close along with your other cousin Collin, who was three years older than you.

when she answered the phone, your whole world came crashing down.

             “hey,” you chirped into the phone before you could hear her cry.

             in a shaky voice, she said, “(y/n).” she let out a few quick sobs before she finally spoke again. “Collin killed himself.” 

             you stood frozen in the doorway of your kitchen. “what?”

             “Collin killed himself, i found him in his closet, and i screamed for my mom, and then i fell down the stairs and i scared the dogs, and Collin’s dead.”

             your voice was caught in your throat. you knew Collin was suffering from depression, and it hadn’t been good for a while. you didn’t know it was this bad. you finally spoke. “oh baby,” you said gently. she cried harder. “do you want me to come there? do you need me to come to you?”

             “no,” she said. “my mom has to call 911. i have to call my brothers. i have to go, (y/n), i have to go.”

with that, she hung up the phone quickly. you stood in your kitchen. numb. you felt incredibly numb. you had to do something. he couldn’t be dead. he wasn’t. this wasn’t real. everything’s fine. you’re crying now. when did you start crying? you had to call your mom. you had to tell them. oh god. your brother. he and Collin were best friends. they were so close despite their difference in age. how were you going to tell him.

you rung your mom’s phone. no answer. you rung your dad’s phone. no answer. they were probably meeting with a teacher. you would have to wait.

you heard the garage door open. the dogs went crazy as your brother came into the kitchen with his football bag and backpack in arms.

             “hey,” he called to you while petting the dogs.

             you cleared your throat. “Tom,” you took a breath to keep yourself from crying. he looked up at you as he put his bags on the floor by the kitchen table. “Tom, Collin killed himself.”

             “what?” your brother peered up at you confused.

             “Collin killed himself.” you said with tears in your eyes.

he sat himself in a chair at the kitchen table with his head hanging. you wrapped your arms around him and cried with him.

             “can i use your phone to call mom and dad?”

             he nodded and placed his phone on the table.

--

it was 6:27 pm. you were driving to your cousin’s house after you called her to tell her your parents were on their way there. she told you to come too.

when you arrived at their house, a police car was placed outside in front. you saw your oldest cousin’s husband standing outside handing his baby to his parents to take for the night. he caught you and Tom before you could go into the house. he pulled you both into a hug.

             “just warning you, it’s not easy in there. you can’t see him. he’s still upstairs. they have the room taped off.”

he led you both inside to where everyone was gathered. the house was dark. your family was sitting in a dark room crying. you pulled your aunt into a hug as you both cried in each other’s arms. she let go of you and pointed a shaky finger to Lauren, who was curled up on a couch crying.

             “she needs you. go to your buddy.”

you and Tom collapsed onto the couch with her and sandwiched her into a hug. all three of you sobbed into each other’s arms.

later that night, you cried with your family and listened to your aunt and cousins talk about how bad his depression was. you stood with your cousins when they brought him downstairs on a stretcher. you watched as your aunt and dad said their goodbyes to him. after his dad left, your dad was the closest thing he had to a father, and Collin was the only one who could make your dad laugh like a little kid. your mom held you as your cried. you watched as they placed him into the ambulance and took him away.

--

10:14 pm. 1 missed call from Harry Styles.

1 message:

             harry: hi lovie, i survived the night

you left him on read.

--

the next morning, your eyes were swollen and raw. you woke up a little after 9:30. you saw another message from Harry at 11:26 pm.

             harry: goodnight love. i’ll call you again tomorrow.

you left him on read again. you don’t mean to be a bitch. you’re still processing.

--

Harry noticed you left him on read again. you normally would respond fairly quickly, and you never went to bed before midnight. he found your lack of response odd. it was 11:45 pm his time. he decided to catch at least a few hours of sleep and to call you at 6 am, which would be 4 pm your time.

he woke up at 6:12 am. he rubbed his sleepy eyes before grabbing a drink. he cleared his throat, and he picked up his phone.

--

it was 4:23 pm. you were sitting on the floor of your grandparents living room. your cousins were surrounding you as the adults sat in the kitchen. you were playing with your oldest cousin’s 1 and a half year old daughter. she was the only thing that kept your spirits up.

your phone began to ring. Harry’s contact picture appeared on your screen. you watched your phone as it rang. your eyes began to cloud with tears.

             “answer it,” Lauren said as she caught her niece in her arms, who was running back and forth between her and her sister tackling everyone in hugs. she was so young yet she understood that we were sad and needed comfort.

you nodded to her. clearing your throat and sliding to answer the phone, you walk outside to sit on the front porch.

             “hey lovie.”

             “hi haz,” you let out in a raspy voice. it had been a while since you had actually spoken.

Harry could tell you had been crying. your raspy voice was a telling sign.

             “hey, what’s wrong? are you okay?” Harry’s eyebrows were furrowed together as he heard her shaky breath through the phone.

             “Harry, my cousin killed himself last night.” you blink back tears as you drop your head into your hand.

             “oh love,” he said gently. “i can’t imagine how you feel right now.” he didn’t know what to say. who was it? which one?, he thought to himself.

             “it’s okay, haz. i’m sorry i ignored you. i just didn’t know what to say-”

             “no, no. it’s okay. i understand. you don’t need to apologize.” he took a breath to calm his voice. what he would give to be there right now for her. to hold her as she cried. he felt horrible that he wasn’t there. “do you want me to come home?”

             “no. that’s okay.” you said. he felt like she had punched him in the gut. she doesn’t want me there, he thought. “i know you’re busy and working right now. you don’t need to come home for this. i’ll be okay.”

you lied. you wanted him there. you wanted him to hold you and to rub your back as you cried. but, you know his work is important. so you lied. you told him you were gonna be fine. you were most definitely not fine. you had a hole in your heart. someone so loved and brilliantly smart and witty who could make the whole room smile was gone, and you were not okay with that.

             “you’re important too,” harry started. he wasn’t going to let her push him away. “i know you like to be an independent person, and you don’t like to depend on people, but you can depend on me. i want to be there for you. it hurts me that i can’t be there for your right now. i love you so much, and i wish i could take the pain away for you. can i be there for you? can i come home to you?”

             you burst into tears. you had tried so hard to hold them in. “yeah. okay,” you let out in a shaky voice. you couldn’t see anymore. your eyes were blurred by the tears. “come home to me.”

             “okay. i’m coming home to you. ‘m gonna book a flight, and ‘ll text you when i find out when i land.”

             “mkay,” you said your voice thick from the tears.

--

Harry landed at 8 am on saturday morning. you picked him up at the airport, and silently waited at the baggage claim for his luggage holding his hand. you had been quiet since he arrived. you were scared that you would burst into tears if you said anything.

you broke down when you got to your car. he held you in the parking lot of the airport as you sobbed into his chest. he took your keys and drove you home.

--

later saturday afternoon, you, your family, and Harry were at your aunt’s house. you were sitting with your mom, aunt, Lauren, and her older sister. you were putting together a photo board and were looking through pictures of Collin. you reminisced with Lauren about funny moments with him on your numerous family vacations.

your dad and brother were running around town to each department store to find green ties for each of the men in your family. Collin’s favorite basketball team was the Boston Celtics. his signature look was khaki shorts with a Celtics jersey or some sort of Celtics apparel. he wore mostly green. the men were wearing green ties as a tribute to him.

Harry was in the kitchen unboxing pizzas he ordered for everyone. he couldn’t really do much so he made himself useful by getting everyone food. you were extremely grateful for him.

--

the funeral was monday. you had to get up early to drive to the service. you were sitting at the vanity table in your room doing your makeup while Harry stood in front of your mirror putting on his cuff-links. he was wearing a simple black suit. his tie was hanging untied around his neck. you put the finishing touch on your hair and makeup and moved onto putting on your earrings.

your dad knocked on your bedroom door just as Harry was about to tie his tie. you both looked up at your dad.

             “i-uh,” he started to say looking from you to Harry. “i have an extra green tie.” he looked down to the tie in his hands before reaching it out to Harry. “would you wear this today?”

Harry gently took the tie from your dad’s hands. your eyes welled with tears. Harry looked up from the tie and into your dad’s eyes, which were red from crying.

             “i would be honored.” Harry spoke removing his tie to replace it with the green one. he tied it swiftly in the mirror before turning back to your father.

your dad nodded in approval, not saying much. it warmed your heart just as it broke it. that had meant a lot to your dad. he had allowed Harry to take part in this extremely difficult day, not as just a boyfriend of his daughter, but as a member of your family.

             his voice broke you out of your thoughts. “we are leaving in 10.”

--

the funeral was a blur. Tom and your cousins were the pallbearers. Harry stood by your side the whole time. his arm around you or his hand holding yours. it was a difficult day. your makeup was trashed. your eyes were red and raw. Harry got you some food at the luncheon afterwards. he made you eat a few bites every now and then.

when you got home, you just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep. he helped you take your dress and jewelry off. you put on your comfy clothes while he grabbed you a makeup remover wipe, and he helped you take your makeup off. he let you climb in bed with the shade over your window drawn down darkening your room. he got out of his suit and changed into his comfy clothes before crawling into bed next to you.

you cried in his arms, and you were so grateful for him being there.

hope you enjoyed. i know this was a bit darker. it was inspired by my cousin who passed in october. - mosh

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, tabbytabbytabby!

For @tabbytabbytabby, who wanted alive Hale pack and anything alternative universe. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!!!! I decided to go with a rock band AU because let's face it, they're all stupid hot and would look so good doing it. My headcanon for alive Laura Hale is the incomparable Katie McGrath if you want a visual. Those eyes, man. They make my little bisexual heart very happy.

Also everyone here is somewhere in the Kinsey Scale :)))) There will be smut and idiocy. Idiots in love has become one of my favourite tags!

The underage occurs when Derek and Stiles are in high school. Derek is a senior and Stiles is a sophomore.

Band line up is as follows:

Laura - lead vocals Derek - lead guitar Boyd - bass Erica - acoustic guitar and backing vocals Isaac - keyboard and backing vocals Cora - drums and backing vocals

Read On AO3

*****

Edge Of Seventeen

Chapter 1 - Say What Now?

‘Do you want to?’

It took Stiles a few moments to focus on the words, electricity buzzing under his skin and his mouth bruised and still wet with Derek’s spit. Two warm broad hands settled either side of his face and gently redirected his attention. In the dark of the Camaro’s back seat, Derek’s pale eyes glittered.

‘We can.’ His voice was low and rough, his breathing out of kilter. ‘If you want to.’

Stiles looked at him, his heart racing a thousand miles a minute.

I want to.’ he said and fell into another kiss.

The alarm woke Stiles with a start. He swore and leaned over to slide a finger across the screen and turn it off. He’d forgotten when he’d arrived the night before, still a little jet lagged and not quite with everything when he’d collapsed into bed and been asleep in what was probably a record time.

He lay still, looking up at the ceiling and getting his breath back. He hadn’t had a dream about Derek Hale in a very long time and he was chalking it up to being back in his childhood bed. Independence Day had been the one holiday he’d won in the field office lottery, and so Stiles had packed up and gone home for the long weekend, four blissful days off. He’d known going into the FBI would be hard, but he’d had no idea just how hard it would be. Noah was delighted. The last time they’d seen each other had been Christmas and Stiles had been morose after yet another break up. He’d spent an afternoon wandering around the preserve, ending up staring at the Hale house, still closed up and looking a little worse for wear, with nary a Hale in sight.

This time it was summer, the heat already making his room uncomfortable. Stiles grimaced and plucked his damp t-shirt away from his skin, sitting up and dragging a hand over his face as he tried to wake up properly, manfully ignoring his dream-induced erection that made him feel like he was a teenager all over again.

‘Stiles?’ Noah yelled from downstairs. ‘You up, kiddo?���

‘I’m twenty-six, Dad,’ Stiles muttered, standing up and stretching. ‘Not a kid anymore.’

He was feeling it too, the crashing realisation that those carefree days were far behind him. He had a job and an apartment in Sacramento, cacti that he had managed not to kill. All the cool stuff. It wasn’t hard to feel like something was missing but Stiles would never admit that the string of failed relationships he had accumulated were anything to do with what Lydia referred to as ‘the one who got away’.

Noah was in the kitchen as he predicted, sleep rumpled and unshaven in sweat pants and an old BHPD t-shirt. He’d been taking it a bit easier, giving Parrish more and more responsibility. Stiles was pleased and Parrish was both smart and sensible, a combination that Lydia had found irresistible. Their senior year fling had evolved into a long term relationship until Lydia had come home to buy them a small clapboard Victorian near the preserve and commute to the research lab every day where she had her associate professorship. Parrish had presented her with a simple solitaire ring at Christmas and she was very happy.

‘Are you going to see Mom?’ he asked and Stiles nodded, grabbing the orange juice from the ridge and pouring himself a glass, sniffing hopefully at the eggs Noah was scrambling. He noticed Stiles’ meaningful look and grinned.

‘I thought I would go after breakfast,’ He beamed at his father when he was presented with a plate full of eggs and bacon.

‘It’s turkey before you get on your high horse,’ Noah told him. ‘Get your own coffee if you want some.’

‘Not yet.’ Stiles made space for him to sit down and they ate in comfortable silence. Once finished, he did get up to make two cups. Noah accepted his gratefully and smiled at his son, grey eyes twinkling.

‘So…,’ he started and Stiles held up a finger.

‘No,’ he said. ‘I don’t care who it is you want to set me up with, it’s not happening.’ His parents had a terrible habit of matchmaking.

Noah held up both hands in supplication.

‘Not setting you up,’ he protested. ‘Just thought I’d mention that when your mother went into the shop yesterday, she saw a ghost from the past. Several, actually.’

Stiles cursed internally. His dad knew he couldn’t resist a good mystery.

‘Okay, I’ll bite,’ he replied, starting to get up.

‘The Hales.’ Noah replied with all the smugness of a man who knew he had the scoop of the year.

‘Oh fuck.’ Stiles blurted and tripped over his chair.

-

It was the sneezing that woke Derek up.

‘Jesus fuck!’ Laura roared a floor below him. ‘How much fucking shit is in this place?’

‘Oh good, she’s awake.’ Cora muttered and turned over. They were in what had been the twins’ bedroom, each of them crammed into a single that was a little on the small side. The top storey of the house was still a burned out wreck and the furniture had been largely taken away over the years and so the pickings had been slim, with their merry threesome taking the scorched master bedroom and Laura camping out on the sagging couch downstairs. As Alpha, she always preferred to be on watch as it were.

‘This was such a bad idea.’ Derek borrowed deeper into his comforter. ‘We should have brought the bus.’

‘That would have given the game away.’ Laura replied, hearing them both perfectly even though she was now in the kitchen. ‘Which part of low profile are you two having trouble with?’

‘We could have always stayed in a hotel. Sleeping int the burned out remains of our family home is precisely the opposite of low profile. Lo.’ Derek pointed out, sitting up. There was no way he’d be going back to sleep. Not with his alpha on a mission.

‘Discretion is our watchword, Derek.’ Laura hissed and started banging pots and pans around with a maximum of noise. Derek looked over at Cora. Her dark eyes were just visible under the pillow she had over her head.

‘You’re her second.’ She bared her teeth at him. ‘You go deal with her.’

‘I hate you.’ Derek said flatly, rolling out of bed and onto his feet. He stumbled a little on the stairs, still half asleep. Laura had her head buried in a blackened cupboard when he got to the kitchen. It hadn’t been as badly affected as the rest of the house but it was still a health hazard as far as he was concerned.

‘Where the hell is the waffle iron?’ she demanded. ‘Mom said she left it here.’

‘Who the fuck knows?’ Derek yawned and went to the fridge. There was nothing inside except for a gallon of milk and the leftover Chinese take out from the night before. He sniffed a carton of lemon chicken, grabbing some disposable chopsticks from the small pile on the kitchen table, and started eating. Laura eyed him, one fang just visible.

‘We need proper food.’ She glared at the ceiling. ‘Everybody up! We’re going grocery shopping!’

‘Christ.’ Derek grumbled. ‘You think that’s low profile too?’

‘Shut up.’ Laura swept past him, nose in the air. ‘I’m the Alpha now.’

Derek sniggered and let her go, enjoying his leftovers while he listened to her rouse the threesome. There was a lot of complaining, and he couldn’t really blame them. Their schedule had been hectic, even for wolves, and they were all tired and the house wasn’t exactly welcoming. Laura’s plans to come home and reclaim their territory now she was an Alpha in her own right had seen them finish the final leg of their international tour in New York, a quick catch up with their pack and then flying down to Sacramento and driving the three hours to Beacon Hills all in twenty-four hours. They had barely had time to stop in at the small coffee shop near the Sheriff's station before coming out to the house, which had been shut up for the past ten years. Peter had intended to join them, but had been delayed in New York. As their manager, he was the one who took care of all the dealings with their record company. If it was left to him and Laura, they probably would have eaten every executive by now. He was worth every penny they paid him, even if the meeting had probably been manufactured as a way to get out of cleaning up the house.

-

Stiles pulled up at the cemetery, parking the Jeep behind the old truck that had parked off centre and across two spaces. Grinning, he got out and made his way through the iron gates, remembering Isaac Lahey, who’d been a couple of years above him at school. His father had been the groundskeeper before there had been an incident at their house and Coach Lahey had been found dead. He remembered Isaac being taken in by social services and a whole sordid story of child abuse and alcoholicism coming out. Isaac had stayed off school for a week and then simply vanished off the face of the earth. There had been a lot of theories as to where he’d gone, but the truth was he wasn’t the first person to do that in 2011.

Stiles got lost in thought as he meandered between the headstones, finally coming to a stop in front of one made of white marble and embossed with angels.

‘That’s new.’ he remarked. ‘Not sure about the daffodils.’

‘They’re so gaudy.’ The dark haired woman kneeling at the grave grinned over her shoulder at him, her eyes the same warm whiskey brown as her son’s. ‘I’m glad to see you made it out of bed. I was starting to think you’d spend the whole weekend hibernating.’

‘Funny.’ Stiles helped Claudia up and gave her a long hug. When she let him go, she stepped back and looked him up and down.

‘You look good.’ she said. ‘Dare I say, professional.’

‘Mom.’ Stiles settled his hands on her shoulders. ‘Dad said you saw the Hales yesterday.’

‘Oh.’ Claudia’s look of faux innocence was belied by the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. ‘Is that why you came to see me. No ‘I’ve missed you terribly Mother’, but ‘You saw the fucking Hales’.’

‘Mom.’ Stiles narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Did you see him?’

‘Who?’ Claudia crinkled her nose in amusement. ‘The boy you’ve been literally pining for, for almost a decade?’

‘I’m sure he’s not a boy anymore.’ Stiles snorted. ‘And yes. Stop playing dumb.’

‘I might have.’ Claudia tilted her head. ‘What’s it worth?’

‘A double chocolate muffin and all the lattes you can drink.’ Stiles replied and she cackled and linked her arm through his.

‘Done.’ she declared. ‘And you’re right. He’s definitely not a boy anymore.’

-

Derek leaned heavily on the cart, eyelids at half mast and his senses muted. The store was fairly empty, the early hour on a Saturday meaning that most shoppers were yet to make an appearance. Next to him Boyd yawned and shifted on his feet, hands sunk deep in the pockets of his leather jacket.

They’d been best friends a long time, playing basketball and baseball and getting into shit when they were teenagers and when things had turned bad and they’d had to leave, Boyd had been dogged in his refusal to cut ties and turned up at the pack house in New York a week after graduation with Erica in tow. They had walked right in and asked Talia for the bite and she’d given it gladly. Derek knew she was going to do it for Erica even before they had had to flee their territory and they’d settled in like they’d always been pack. Isaac had, of course, already joined them earlier and his delight at having them back had turned into a deep and abiding love that saw them forming their triad and becoming mates.

Erica was leaning on Isaac, her blond curls dragged into a messy ponytail and Cora was trailing Laura a few feet ahead. It always grated that she had inherited their mother’s early rising nature while the rest of them would have happily slept in and threw her weight around to get them out of bed when they most definitely didn’t want to. Even the fact that Derek was her twin didn’t let him get out of doing what she wanted.

‘Toilet paper.’ Laura turned and they all tried to avoid her eyes. ‘Derek. Take Boyd and grab some.’

‘But I’m minding the cart,’ he whined, clinging to it like a drowning man to a life preserver.

‘Go!’ Laura’s eyes flared red for just a second and Derek had to resist the urge to snarl back at her like he’d always used to. The whole alpha thing was new, the result of an overambitious alpha that had come into their territory planning to challenge Talia and ending up facing her daughter instead when they tried to take Cora with the intention of forcibly mating her and claiming rights. Talia had always taught them to solve their problems with diplomacy but Laura was headstrong and fiercely protective of her siblings, ever since Kate Argent had tried to use her to get close enough to kill them all. She’d almost succeeded too, that night of the party to celebrate the basketball teams’ victory for nationals providing the perfect distraction for them to be off their guard. Kate had struck in the early hours of the morning and she’d had them trapped, the beginnings of an arson that would have killed them all if Derek hadn’t come back and caught her. He’d ripped her throat out with his teeth, calling Deaton in a panic to come and break the circle of mountain ash that kept them trapped and they’d all watched their family home burn until the police and emergency services had arrived.

Talia had decided that it was too dangerous to stay, knowing the Argents would come for Derek, getting them all packed in a matter of twenty-four hours and away from what was left of their home. They’d gone to their father’s pack in New York State, leaving no sign of them behind. It was the way with wolves, always having a back-up in case something went wrong. The Argents were a large and powerful hunting clan and there would be retribution for the death of Gerard’s golden child, but when they came for the Hales they would find the place empty. Deaton stayed, both to protect the territory and report back to Talia about hunters coming in and not a month after it had happened, they had come. Thankfully the wards on the Hale land had kept the territory claim in place and the hunters had left with no satisfaction.

The rest had been a long and bloody fight between their respective Councils. Gerard had wanted Derek’s head for killing Kate and Talia had countered with the evidence that Kate had planned to kill a pack of law-abiding wolves along with their children. The matter had finally been settled when Gerard died of cancer and his granddaughter, by all accounts a level headed and honourable young woman about the same age as Derek, had taken over.

The music had started as a way to keep them all sane while this was happening, Talia more or less forcing them into music therapy as a way to deal with what had happened. It had been a bit of a shock to realise they were actually very good at it and they’d formed the band. Some minor success saw them moving steadily up the indie charts until it became their lives. Laura had named them Hale Pack 2.0 and Talia had laughed so hard when they’d told her that she’d shifted and clawed right through the cushion she was holding, feathers flying around them like a small snowstorm.

Derek hadn’t minded at first. The music was what he loved, the fame and money secondary. The Hales were already rich, but Peter had jumped at the chance to do something different and he drove their commercial success. They were in that comfortable zone of being middle of the road, not so successful enough that they were household names but it became hard in New York to go anywhere without being recognised.

Derek didn’t enjoy that part much. He was solitary and quietly sarcastic by nature, but unfortunately that just seemed to translate into brooding and mysterious in interviews and so he was plagued by a long line of would-be groupies that tagged along after him like a cloud of midges. Laura found it hilarious and basked in her own popularity. As an out lesbian, she had her choice of pretty girls to shack up with. Cora kept her asexuality to herself, just as surly as Derek was. The other three were not exactly open about their polyamorous arrangegment, but they didn’t hide it either. They were lucky, having found each other and being able to keep each other.

He often thought about that night, the one where the reason he’d been able to save his family was because he’d been in the back seat of his father’s illicitly borrowed Camaro with the boy he’d loved pretty much forever and indulging in a bit of mutual deflowering. Then he’d had to pack up and leave said boy without even saying goodbye or telling him where he was going. It had hurt more than he’d thought possible and if part of why Derek was so keen to come back to Beacon Hills was to try and track down that boy, then who was to know. The only people who knew what he’d been up to were Boyd (because Derek told him everything) and Laura (because she’d sat on him and tickled him until he’d confessed and then had to hold her while she cried, guilt and shame coming off her in waves). Derek hadn’t had the heart to complain when their very survival had been at stake because he’d killed Kate Argent, no matter whose fault it had been. Talia had said to make a clean break with the town and while she’d made allowances for their friends who were already in the know, that was as far as she was willing to push her luck.

Derek and Laura had finished out their schooling at home, Cora had gone to boarding school in South America with her Argentinian grandmother’s pack and the twins were still too young to be a problem so that was, as they said, that. Then had come college, followed by the band and the success and the travelling and before Derek knew it, it had been almost ten years and he was twenty-eight and still hung up on Stiles fucking Stilinski.

‘Hey.’ Boyd bumped him with his shoulder. ‘You alive in there?’

‘Not really.’ Derek surveyed the toilet paper and grabbed a couple of twenty-four packs. ‘Just thinking.’

‘Yeah.’ Boyd grinned, lighting up his usually serious face. ‘I can guess what about too.’

‘Not a goddamned word.’ Derek growled and then froze, his nose twitching madly.

It wasn’t exactly the same, a little deeper and a little thicker but he’d recognise that scent anywhere with his nose stuffed up and people throwing peppermint oil in his face. He shoved the toilet paper at Boyd and charged through the aisle, needing to find the source and skidding to a halt in the aisle with the candy and stared at the Sheriff, who looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. In fact, as it was he had cookies in his hands which he quickly put back.

‘Derek?’ He looked pleasantly surprised. ‘Claudia said she’d seen you.’ He came over and Derek couldn’t help taking in a deep breath. The scent of Stiles was all over the Sheriff and it made his heart start thumping like a drum.

‘Sheriff Stilinski.’ He took the offered hand and shook it, gleeful when he could smell a little bit of Stiles on his own skin. ‘Yeah, we’re back. Laura said she was going to stop by and talk to you about the house. She’s actually around here somewhere.’ He couldn’t stop smiling. ‘I’m glad you’re still here.’

‘Where else would we be?’ The Sheriff raised an eyebrow at him. ‘To be honest, we never thought you’d come back. Any of you. The last we heard, you mom and dad had skipped town and taken you all with them after the fire and then five years later, you and your sisters pop up playing gigs in New York with the Lahey kid, Vernon Boyd’s son and Erica Reyes and since you hit the big times, you’ve been entirely responsible for provisioning this town with 90% of its salacious gossip.’

‘How did you know that? I mean, New York.’ Derek was completely bemused. They had started out small, playing tiny venues, still wary of being recognised. It had only been in the last couple of years that they’d made it big enough to be known internationally.

‘I kept track.’ The Sheriff replied. ‘The fact that you all pretty much disappeared overnight hit this town like a slap in the face. I called in a lot of favours.’ There was something in his voice though that had Derek frowning. ‘I had my reasons, son.’

Derek was about to ask him what those were exactly when Laura came barreling down the aisle.

‘There you are.’ She came up short when she saw who he was talking to. ‘Sheriff Stilinski?’

‘The one and only.’ The Sheriff tipped an invisible hat at her. ‘It’s good to see you, Laura. Derek and I were just catching up.’

‘Well, I have to steal him. Excuse us.’ Laura gave him a toothy grin that was not her usual smile and Derek wondered just what was happening. She caught his arm and practically dragged him away.

‘What the hell?’ he protested, trying to wriggle out of her iron grip.

‘Hunters.’ she hissed and Derek’s blood ran cold.

‘Are you sure?’ he asked and she nodded, her face grim.

‘The others are doing the check out.’ she said. ‘We need to go.’

-

Stiles parked on the kerb and got out. Claudia already had the front door open and was looking down the street.

‘Visitor.’ she announced and went inside, leaving him to stand and wait for the car to stop. He bounced in excitement, barely waiting for the driver to get out before grabbing her and squeezing her hard enough to make her squeak.

‘Lydia, my strawberry blonde goddess.’ He kissed her cheek soundly. ‘I was wondering when you’d show up.’

‘Stiles.’ Lydia had softened since high school, growing into her intellect and losing the hard veneer of extreme fashion that had been her armour in high school. She was still elegant, but the tan leather boots she wore under her long floral skirt were flat and her face was less determinedly made up, her hair a mass of loose fronds that framed her face. She was also as beautiful as she had always been but Stiles loved her for more than that. They had grown close in junior year when Jackson had moved to the UK and she’d been left bereft. Scott had been dating Kira that year and he’d had little time for Stiles so they’d drifted together and never really drifted apart, in spite of their physical distance. Now Scott and Kira were engaged, with Scott working for Deaton full time and Kira teaching martial arts with their first baby on the way and Stiles felt even more like he was lagging behind. Lydia kept him tied to Beacon Hills as much as his parents did.

‘So what are you doing here?’ He escorted her to the house. Lydia went in first, saying hello to Claudia as they went into the kitchen.

‘I have some news you might want to hear.’ she said, her eyes dancing.

‘’If it’s that the Hales are back, I already know.’ Stiles was smug when she pouted. He so seldom got one over on her so it was fun when he did.

‘Sorry.’ Claudia grinned at Lydia. ‘That was my fault.’

‘Dammit.’ Lydia folded her arms. ‘Well that may be, but I bet you don’t know that they’re going to be playing the Jungle tonight.’

‘No, that I did not know.’ Stiles was immediately hooked. He’d always wanted to go watch them, ever since they’d first popped back up on his radar after years of radio silence, courtesy of a discarded music magazine in the field office. He’d fantasised about meeting Derek’s eyes across a crowded venue but he knew that in reality, Derek probably didn’t even remember the boy he fucked in the back of his sister’s car and probably also had his pick of beautiful people to spend his time with. It hadn’t stopped him from following the band’s progress almost obsessively though.

He’d been distraught when Derek had gone, trying to find any trace of him online, but there had been nothing at all in the years just after the fire. Noah had been cagey about what he’d known and Stiles had been at a loose end, trying to fill in the gaps. When he’d rediscovered them, Stiles had followed them on every form of social media he could and tracked down every article about them. Derek still didn’t have any online presence apart from that and the music videos his band put out. Stiles had jealously hoarded every single tiny piece of information and downloaded every picture and video of him, seeing how handsome Derek had become, growing into himself in a way Stiles envied. He’d jerked off many a night, watching the stylised black and white videos that the Hale Pack 2.0 preferred. Derek was always dressed in black jeans and tight white t-shirts, the sleeves of his trademark leather jacket pushed up to his elbows and his broad hands drawing Stiles’ gaze in as he played his guitar, all precision and power that had Stiles breath coming short at the thought of them on him.

‘Danny told me this morning. He’s practically beside himself at getting them on his books at such short notice.’ Lydia smirked, knowing she had his full attention. Danny had made a ton of money in apps and bought his old stomping ground. It had had a makeover and was now a very stylish LGBTQ+ venue that he ruled along with Jackson as his partner in business and life, once he’d had his gay crisis while he was gone. Stiles knew from the Hales’ publicity that Laura was a lesbian and he was pretty sure Isaac, Erica and Boyd were involved in something that looked pretty polyamorous but Derek and Cora were notoriously private and there was never any suggestion as to who they might be seeing. It seemed the kind of place they would be playing.

‘Okay.’ He moved to the coffee maker, preparing for a long sit down. ‘Tell me everything.’

TBC on AO3!

[mileycyprus-hill]

Chpt 1, Chpt 2, Chpt 3, Chpt 4, Chpt 5

Also can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22218607/chapters/58951003

Thank you to @oodanijadeoo​ for beta-reading this chapter and giving such great, constructive feedback! 

Chapter 6

You leave the apartment above Dr. Birner’s office with reluctance, thinking back to that brief period you were recuperating. You were in a peaceful limbo. No worries, no anxious thoughts of the future. For one week, you lied there with your infant son, living in the moment. You basked in his cherubic glory and thought of nothing else. For all you knew, there was nothing beyond those four walls. Just you and Isaiah.

And it was perfect.

You remember feeling Arthur’s eyes on you. He’d visit once a day at the apartment and spend a few nights on the floor of your room, despite your small protests. While holding Isaiah in his arms after his feeding, you’d catch that particular look Arthur gave you. It was a look of uncertainty; a question begging to be asked.

That question tortures you both.

He didn’t want to ask it and you didn’t want to hear it, but you both knew it had to be said.

Now, you finally have the strength to walk and ride in the jostling wagon without pain. The reality of your situation soon returns as you lie in the wagon. Leaning back on the mattress that comfortably lines the bed of the wagon, you look over to Susan who sits by your side. She holds your infant son in the swaddle of a soft wool blanket, gently caressing his cheek with her index finger.

It’s not often you get to see Susan grow soft like this. Her life has been ridden hard and rough and it often shows in her moods. One can hardly blame her. She’s proven she’s come out of it stronger and more alive than any other woman on earth.

You envy her strength.

Swaying with the rolling wagon wheels on the trail, you replay the conversations in your head: Dutch, Arthur, Dr. Birner. All of them asking for a decision. All of them telling you what’s best.

Can any decision be the right decision? You wonder.

.…

Arthur has become an enigma to you in these passing days, you realize. He often gives Isaiah attention and offers help whenever he can. But something deep down inside you gives you this cynical notion that he’s saving himself up. That he’s only doing these things and acting paternal to get you to trust him.

He’s going to have to play his cards soon, and he needs an ace.

You try to shake these thoughts away, but they soon return whenever Dutch checks on you both on numerous occasions.

“Has a decision been made between you two?” He would ask.

His check-ins are a now weekly occurrence. So often that you now avoid crossing his path so he won’t have a chance to bring it up.

You hope you could reply ‘no’ long enough that he’d soon give up. You’re too fearful to say what you truly want. And you know Dutch is not one to forget or give up.

But you truly hope this time he would.

However, you forget the one person Dutch could still corner and persuade to change this whole situation.

Arthur.

…

It’s three months to the day of Isaiah’s birth and you worry if you can finally breathe. You hope to continue with the routine of a child in the gang now that it’s been long enough; allow the members of the gang to grow attached. Little Isaiah grows stronger and more lovable each day. Even John has taken a liking to him. He approaches you and Isaiah sitting underneath a shady lean-to. You sit cross-legged on the blanket while supporting Isaiah in your hands. His little back lays on your forearms, with his soft head resting in your palms. The ruffled hem of his crisp, white baby gown cascades down your arm. The sun was so warm before you retreated to the shade. Through the light cotton, you can still feel a little sweat on his back from the desert heat.

“Can I hold him?” John asks meekly. He slowly drops to his knees before you and watches Isaiah curiously.

Looking up at John, you reply, “Sure. Make sure to support his neck, and watch his head.”

You adjust your baby in your arms and carefully transfer him to John, who fearfully holds him like holding a wounded animal. John keeps an elbow awkwardly high to support Isaiah’s head and you hold back a chuckle at the sight of him. The corner of his lip upturns into a nervous smile.

He catches you grinning at him and his face turns sour.

“What’s so funny?” He asks defensively.

You reply genuinely, “Nothing. Just…you look cute together.”

You watch as Isaiah babbles and attempts to grab at the strange young man holding him. His chubby legs kick and kick with such energy and excitement of seeing a new person.

John scoffs at your remark and opens his mouth to retort. Though he’s quickly distracted by Isaiah wiggling in his arms and he grows nervous at keeping him still.

“Uhhh,” John groans uncomfortably. “I think..oh shit, I’m gonna drop him.”

You giggle and quickly relieve John of his anxiety, fluidly scooping Isaiah from his stiff arms into yours. Isaiah babbles and squeals in your arms, testing his voice with his high pitches. The soothing rocking of your arms and the heat of the air settles his excitement and he soon grows weary.

For several minutes, you and John watch his eyelids slowly fall and rise every couple of seconds as he jerks himself awake, kicking a leg and trying his hardest not to sleep. He’d attempt this a few times until he could no longer fight it. The warmth and comfort of your body allows him to relax and finally sleep in your arms.

John sits cross-legged in front of you in silence, watching Isaiah fall into a deep sleep. He watches his little stubby fingers attempt to grip at your forearm tightly before relaxing. Moving his gaze up to your face, John notices your smile is gone and replaced with a forlorn look.

He asks quietly, “What’s wrong?”

The heavy weight of guilt grows in your chest and you lift your head with glassy eyes. As you break your attention away from Isaiah to John, your chin quivers and a rogue tear slides down your cheek. With a shaky breath, you answer.

“I’m afraid,” You say with a cracked voice. “I thought everything would be better once he’d be born but, I feel trapped.”

John looks to you with understanding. For the past few months, he’s watched you and Arthur struggle against each other. He had secretly grown proud of how strong you kept yourself under Arthur and Dutch’s pressure. He knows Arthur’s only reciting what Dutch tells him, never thinking for himself and that aggravates John. He thinks himself far younger than Arthur and yet so much more headstrong and independent. John had been watching you struggle with your options in silence and he worries you’ll choose one you’ll regret.

This is his opportunity to tell you what he thinks.

He attempts to console you, speaking quietly and honestly.

“Everyone loves him, (Y/N). I can see that.” He says.

Another tear escapes your eye, painting your cheek.

“It don’t seem to matter how much everyone loves him,” you croak. “What matters is what Dutch thinks and what kind of life he should have.”

“But your life’s been better since you joined. And mine. And Arthur’s!” John exclaims in a hush. “Don’t you think? What makes ‘im think we can’t give him the best life with us?”

John points to Isaiah who remains unstirred in your arms.

“Because we’re criminals, John.” You say with dread, letting Dutch’s repeated lectures finally sink in.

“And who’s to say I won’t resent him later on? Treat him like my parents did me?”

Those last words tear into your heart like a jagged blade. Who’s to say you won’t inherit your parents awful temperament towards your child? Will you truly love him as he grows, or will you see him as just a mistake that took your freedom away?

John’s words grow heated in response to your self deprecation.

“Cause you’re not them, (Y/N),” he hisses through his teeth in frustration, “You’re better than them. I know you love Isaiah. Because if you didn’t, you’d leave him the first chance you get.”

He speaks bitterly in remembrance of his own childhood. The grief from loss and abandonment is all too familiar to him. He stares at Isaiah with his dark eyes glowing in a mix of resentment and woe. He knows from experience that little Isaiah is too fragile to live and grow without the love of a mother. Or a father.

“Just promise me one thing, will ya?” He asks, his own voice cracked and quiet.

Staying silent, you look into his eyes and nod.

“Don’t send him to an orphanage…please. Find him a family. A good one.” He confides solemnly. His head droops low and he lightly fumbles with the tip of his boot.

“Of course, John…” You assure him.

With his head still held low, John reaches forward and grasps at Isaiah’s hand. He holds the tiny hand in between his thumb and index finger, rubbing at the top of Isaiah’s hand with his thumb. Isaiah remains asleep while he curls his little fingers over John’s finger, holding onto him tightly.

“I promise.” You whimper through quiet tears.

…

The sun is dropping from its high noon perch and its heat begins to cool into the late afternoon. You stand by the food wagon, behind the work table with a variety of vegetables laid before you. Carrots and parsnips in orange, purple and white and fresh, crisp celery lay in bright contrast against the dark and scratched wooden table.

Your heart remains sunken from your gloomy exchange with John, and the mundane task of prepping supper has left your mind open to racing thoughts of what-if’s and should-I’s.

You barely hear the familiar footsteps belonging to the one who shares those thoughts with you. Both of your minds are unknowingly linked with troubled ruminations. The heavy strides step forward to you while your head remains low and your eyes focused on the rations before you. The tip of his boots come into view at the corner of your eyes, but you don’t react.

“(Y/N),” Arthur greets with hesitation, “We need to talk.”

“About what?” You ask, sensing his mood and growing on edge.

You already know what he wants to talk about, but you want to hear him say it. You want him to reflect on the terrible request before speaking.

Arthur fidgets with a carrot on the wooden table, rolling it back and forth on the un-level surface with his dirty hands. The speed of the rolls grow with your mutual irritance. He feels the tips of his ears flushing red. This decision hurts him too, but he hopes to make it quick before it can get worse. Never has he made such a paramount decision like this. The life he was thrust into at a young age taught him to react, to not waste time with decisions of morality, only survival.

In the past several years, he often left these choices to Dutch, because the man would take it upon himself to do so. This was something that Arthur had grown used to. Something he trusted.

Leave it to me, son. I’ll think of something. Dutch’s words echo in Arthur’s ears.

But how can Arthur tell you? Standing before him with a knife in your hands, how can he tell you that while he doesn’t like it either, it’s actually for the best?

The knife in your hand hits against the cutting board a little harder with each slice.

Watching you carefully, Arthur speaks, “I wanna talk about us.”

You involuntarily crease your eyebrows in confusion, your eyes squinting and still focusing on the vegetables. The smell of boiling beef stock in the pot next to you would’ve made you sick just a few months ago before Isaiah was born, but you’re too irritated to care now.

Neither of you wanted to cross this road again. But there’s only so many detours you can take before you reach the fork again.

Your voice slices into him like the knife through the carrot, which you snatch from his light grip.

“What makes you think there’s an ‘us’?” You say bitterly. Your tone is a little more than a hurried breath, but is loud in your heart.

Ignoring your bite, Arthur rests his hands on the table and leans his weight forward on them. He drops his chin low, watching your hands work quickly in repetitive movements.

“I wanna know what your plan is. For Isaiah.” He says.

The knife stops in your hand and your grip tightens against the handle.

“It’s too early, Arthur. He’s only three months old yet.” You say, steadying the frightened tremble in your voice.

He leans himself further over the table, bringing his face closer to yours but you keep your gaze low to the chopped vegetables, only feeling his breath on your forehead as he speaks.

“I know, but when? The longer we wait, the harder it’s gonna be.” Arthur speaks in a distinct whisper, meant for your ears only and no other.

If your thoughts hadn’t been racing, you could’ve detected the fear and reluctance in his voice as he spoke. You could’ve noticed the tremors in his hands and fingers, left empty to tremble in fear without an item to fidget with. You could’ve seen the tension in his broad shoulders growing stiff at the emotional weight that bears down on them.

“I don’t know when, Arthur.” You spit, “I can’t think with everyone breathing down my neck like this.”

“But you ain’t alone—“

“Oh, I ain’t?” You finally draw your gaze to him and stare into his eyes with a painful glare. “I don’t think you understand. You may be his father but, in the end it’s my decision to make. Not anyone else’s, regardless of what they think.”

“Just lemme help,” Arthur pleads.

“I think you’ve done enough,” you reply bitterly, “You’re a father now, Arthur. Start actin’ like one.”

Your words flood his ears and leave an awful dry pit in the back of his throat. He remains silent, allowing your statement to pierce him and the venom to fill his veins. It makes its way to his heart, filling it in each painful contraction.

You finish your harsh words, “Now leave me alone.”

Arthur complies and turns away. He takes his first step to leave before stopping himself.

With a slight pivot of his head, he utters, “Y’know, you keep this up and soon you will be alone with no one else to blame but yerself.”

…

Three weeks pass and you refuse to start the conversation again, despite Arthur’s pressing. Deep down you wonder, is it selfish of you to want to keep Isaiah? To keep Arthur tied to you this way?

You would never try to keep Arthur leashed to camp like a dog; to hold him hostage in a false sense of domesticity. You’re more than willing to raise this child on your own. Even if Arthur had this sudden change of heart and wanted to be rid of his mistake. You at least, are mature enough to step up to the plate, you tell yourself.

It’s been a few days since you’ve seen Arthur and John. They had been sent by Hosea to follow a tip about a train carrying payroll for a silver mine. After your argument with Arthur, you found yourself distancing from him again. Which you hated and it caused you much pain, but you forced yourself to; to avoid hurting Arthur again with such unkind words.

Laying Isaiah down to bed in your tent, you step out to walk across camp, towards Hosea’s tent. You see him sitting in his chair in front of his large tent, reading a book like always. An oil lamp sits beside him on a small table, cascading him in a soft, golden glow. Your thoughts remained troubled lately, and you hope Hosea would preach some wise words to calm your worries.

You hear hushed voices from behind one of the supply wagons and slow your pace, eyes slowly peering to the covered wagon. You stop with your feet planted when you recognize them.

“She’s still nursing, Dutch.” A voice whispers. Miss Grimshaw. “It’s too early to separate them.” She says. You detect apprehension in her tone.

“I know that Susan. But think about this. We’re getting too comfortable here and the law is startin’ to notice. We’ve got to move now, and we can’t travel with a baby. It’s too dangerous.” A deep, authoritative voice persuades.

Dutch.

He continues, “She needs to think about that. We need to think about the rest of the gang. We can’t afford any distractions.”

“But—“

“No. Exceptions cannot be afforded now. This is the safest option…for everyone.”

“And Arthur?”

A pause lingers.

“He’ll understand.”

Stepping swiftly and quietly, you turn to retreat to your tent. Closing the flaps of the entrance, you sob quietly into your hands. A few short cries are muffled by your palms. Your heart hammers in your chest and its beats roar loudly in your ears. After a moment, you release yourself with a deep, shaky breath.

We’re leaving? No, no, no, no. Not now. Not right now.

This can’t be happening.

Your cot gently creaks as you lie on your side and watch Isaiah. He sleeps soundly and unstirred in the little bassinet next to you. Earlier this week, you were persuaded by Hosea to have your tent moved closer to Arthur’s instead of near the perimeter, away from everyone else. Even though you were oblivious, Hosea could see the wanting in Arthur’s eyes as he watched you and Isaiah together. Arthur wants to help. He truly does. Unfortunately, you were blind to it.

“Closer to his father,” Hosea’s words repeat in your thoughts. “Make him get up with you when Isaiah wakes in the middle of the night. Don’t think you gotta do this all by yourself.”

A swirl of voices and past conversations enter and exit your anxious mind. You try so hard to silence them, but they break through the door of your conscience and demand to be heard.

Before long, the demanding voices exhaust you and you fall into a troubled sleep.

You’re walking along a red sand beach. The grains of sand give under your weight and hold onto the shapes of your feet and toes. The tide is low and the dry beach stretches out for miles towards the horizon. The cold white caps of the sea lap gently in the distance. The sky is bleak and gray, and the cold air bites at your exposed skin. You move to draw your shawl closer, but find you’re wearing only a thin, white nightgown made of silk. You find yourself standing alone in the middle of the dry ocean bed, the growing tide laps at your feet. Looking down at your bare feet in the sand, you see your pregnant belly. It’s so large, you can barely see your toes.

A voice calls behind you. It sounds so far away and distorted, you can barely make it out. You want to turn to see who’s calling, but you’re stuck facing the horizon.

Your body feels like it’s stuck in a vat of molasses. Every movement of your muscles is slowed and you’re snapped back to your original stance when you try to break its grip. The unidentifiable hold on you is forcing you to watch the growing tide as the water rises higher and higher. The voice behind you grows louder and louder, its call becoming clearer. It’s a familiar voice shouting your name, and it begs you to return to shore. You desperately want to run to the voice, to be wrapped in its warm embrace, its rich timbre filling your ears, but the hold on you refuses to break.

A white-capped wave rolls towards you, high as the cliffs behind you. The sound of the approaching wave is deafening, like an oncoming train. It muffles the screams and hollers of the voice behind you. You’re knocked back as the wave crashes into you like a wall of stone. A sudden pain jolts like an electric current in your stomach, and something slips out between your legs. You move to grab it with both hands, but it slips out of your grip. Still submerged in the dark waters, you open your eyes and see Isaiah sinking below you. His cries echo in the water. You try to scream his name, but the water fills your lungs and no sound can escape your throat. Swimming further and further down to catch him, he slips out of your grip and you find he’s sinking so much faster.

Reaching your hand out, he seems so close. Just a little more and you can grab his heel. A rough hand grips at your arm, pulling you up towards the surface, away from your baby. You claw at its grip, but it’s holding you so tightly that it digs painfully deep into your muscles and bone. Gold rings adorn the fingers of the hand, with coarse black hair on its knuckles. Screaming and thrashing, you bite and claw at the hand, but its burning grip doesn’t give. Looking back down into the abyss, you can faintly see a speck of your infant child, sinking further down. His cries are still loud in your ears, amplified in the water.

Suddenly, the hand pulls and you break the surface with a deep gasp.

“No!” You cry, throwing your hands up and swinging wildly. Your palm makes contact with warm skin, and you feel a slight sting in your hand as you slap whoever’s holding you.

A booming voice curses above you, “Dammit!”

Opening your tear-filled eyes, you see Dutch holding a hand to his temple, rising up off his knees and angrily walking out of your tent. Bewildered, you look around your cramped tent and see Miss Grimshaw kneeling by your cot, trying to calm you down with sweet words. She shushes you and holds your head in her hands, your hair feels wet with sweat against her gentle fingers.

You notice the bassinet beside her is empty and you nearly leap off your cot, trying to push Miss Grimshaw away.

“Where is he?” You frantically ask, “Where’s Isaiah?”

Miss Grimshaw raises her hands up, “He’s fine, (Y/N). Arthur’s got him.”

“Why?” You ask, nearly crying in fear. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Grimshaw answers, “It’s okay. He’s okay. You were just having a nightmare, sweetie.”

Your chest heaves in panic. The images of your nightmare are still vivid in every blink of your eyelids. You struggle to stay standing as you become dizzy, raising a hand to your head.

Miss Grimshaw takes notice and lightly wraps her arms around you.

“It’s alright. Everything’s alright.” She soothes. “Let’s just lie back down. Hmm?”

Suddenly, a sputtered cry comes from outside your tent. Instinctively, you move to run to the source of the sound, until Grimshaw holds you back.

“It’s alright dear. You just rest now…I’ll go get ‘em.” She reassures you.

Your anxious breathing refuses to subside until Arthur steps in with Isaiah in his arms. He’s cozily wrapped in his white cotton blanket, hungrily fussing in Arthur’s thick arms. You reach out and silently ask for your child, to which Arthur grants. He seamlessly transfers little Isaiah from his arms to yours.

Grateful for the familiar weight in your arms, your panic finally begins to subside. Tears roll down your cheeks and you hold back a sob, kissing Isaiah’s warm forehead.

He continues to fuss and cry until you unbutton the front of your nightgown and drop a shoulder to draw him to your exposed breast. You notice Arthur shift uncomfortably at the sight and move to exit your tent.

“Wait, Arthur. It’s ok.” You stop him.

Standing by the entrance, he looks to you and asks, “You sure?”

You nod and pat the empty spot beside you with your free arm. Arthur still hesitates.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen them before.” You remind him.

Arthur gives a tense shrug and responds, “I know but, this is different.”

“Please, Arthur?”

Arthur nods and sits besides you with a tense sigh. He looks over and watches his son suckle at your breast with his tiny yet plump lips. Isaiah’s eyes close while you and Arthur hear the occasional breath through his little nose as he greedily feeds off your nipple.

You finally look over to Arthur and whisper, “Did I wake everyone up?”

Embarrassed for you, Arthur nods and runs his fingers through his thick hair.

“Yeah…guess you had a bad dream. Isaiah was cryin’ and Dutch and Grimshaw were tryin’ to wake you up. All of a sudden, I’m standin’ outside with ’im and I hear you give Dutch a big slap.”

He wraps an arm behind you and rubs his hand on your shoulder. With a small chuckle, he says, “Ain’t seen him get that red in a while. You musta hit him pretty good.”

Wiping the lingering tears from your eyes with your free hand, you smile, “Yeah. My hand still kind of stings.”

Arthur shifts closer to you, wrapping a corner of Isaiah’s blanket over his little bare feet.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks gently, hoping to ease the tension.

Normally, you had come to Arthur to talk of your dreams or nightmares. He enjoyed deciphering them with you, figuring out what they could mean or what would cause them. But the image of your baby sinking into the black waters makes your heart feel like it was pierced with hot iron. You want to erase it from your mind.

Blinking away a stray tear, you answer, “No. I just wanna forget about it…Will you stay with me though?”

You feel so pitiful in asking, but you’re afraid to go back to sleep. You don’t want to return to that red beach.

You look into Arthur’s tired eyes and silently plead. He grasps your free hand beside him and looks over to Isaiah, whose lips have now released your nipple and remain agape as he sleeps soundly. Arthur nods and offers to take Isaiah from your arms. He gingerly places him in the bassinet while you button up your nightgown. Returning to your cot, he lays behind you and pulls you close. His warm arm wraps around you and he holds your hand in his, intertwining his fingers in yours. He slips his other arm beneath your neck, offering it as a pillow. You let out a shaky breath and allow Arthur’s warmth envelope you. His hot breath upon the back of your neck soon lulls you back into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

The morning sun has not yet risen as you wake. Through the crack of your tent flaps, the sky is barely lightened to an early morning hue of sapphire, cascading everything on earth with its deep color. Leaving Arthur and Isaiah to sleep behind you, you quietly step through the canvas entrance of your remaining solitude. An unease remains buried in your heart from last night as you step back out to the outside world.

A decision has to be made. Today.

[aiorevelations]

A Number, Not a Name: part 17!

In the words of Connie “You better buckle your seatbelt. It’s gonna be a strange ride.” Though strange may not be the most “accurate” word. Lol.

Present-day:

Liana sat on the edge of her bed, utterly exhausted. She placed her clutch on her nightstand and then reached down and slipped off her black heels. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It had been a very long and tiring evening. On nights like tonight, it was easy for doubt to try and take over her mind. The past five years had been long and exhausting but in a few more days it would all be worth it. At least that’s what she told herself. She sat up from the bed and reached the closet. After sliding the closet door open, she started untying the bow in the back of her dress. She stopped as she eyed her bracelet, thinking back to a time nearly two decades before. Her eyes then landed on the jewelry box tucked in the corner of the closet shelf. Memories flooded her mind as she combed through its contents. Finally, she found it. Her mother’s charm bracelet.

She let out a shaky breath as she held the piece of jewelry in her hand. She remembered her sister’s gentle smile. The tender look in her eyes when she gave her the bracelet. To Neptune and Back. Forever. That’s what they had promised each other. How easily promises could be broken. It had nearly killed her inside, seeing Milena these past few weeks yet not being able to talk to her face to face. Right now they were on opposing sides of the spectrum. For both their sakes it was best to stay out of each other’s lives. The only thing they'd probably agree on would be their hatred for Dalmar. Beyond that, there wasn’t anything to bind them together.

A tear escaped Liana’s eye. She had hoped her and Milena’s love for one another would be enough but in the end, tragedy had torn them apart. 

…..

Tasha lay back in bed; she had to admit, it was rather nice to feel a soft mattress beneath her after all the hours she’d spent on her feet, never mind her argument with Jason.

Only one more day. Thank goodness. She turned over, sinking her head into the pillow. 

She found himself thinking about home, not her place in D.C., but the home she shared with her mom and dad, who had died a couple of years ago. It had been the best of times growing up. Being an only child one could say her parents spoiled her. Dolls, dresses, coloring books. Every gift imaginable they had given their little girl. Yet they had instilled in her a sense of responsibility and hard work. Told her to never quit on a job or task but to see it through to the end. She supposed that was why she was always determined to make sure all her assignments were a success. If only her parents could see her now. Her life as an NSA agent. She severely doubted this was the life they had had in mind for their daughter, considering how protective they had been over her. Every fall or tumble they’d be there by her side. As a girl, she’d sometimes be a little annoyed by their constant babying of her. Being such a free independent spirit all she wanted was to spread her wings and fly. Now what she wouldn’t give for them to fuss over her again. To talk to them just one more time. 

Tasha turned on her side and wiped a tear streaming down her cheek. She wasn’t one to dwell on or show her feelings. She’d push them to the side and keep on going, it was easier that way. To those on the outside, it seemed like she was unaffected or even cold and distant. Like nothing affected her. As if she didn’t feel anything. But the truth was she did feel deeply. Love. Loss. Joy. Pain. Every emotion tugged at her heart. For her, especially in this line of work, it seemed better to try to forget them. It was easier not to open up. To stay closed off. Not many people could get past her walls. She’d supposed it’d stay that way. 

Perhaps that’s what makes me a good agent. My ability to not let my emotions impact my decisions…unlike other people. Tasha shut her eyes and shook her head. Just forget it. Soon enough he’ll be someone else’s headache. She chuckled and glanced at the clock on her nightstand. 4:30. I really need to get some sleep. Tasha closed her eyes and tried to block out the city noises in the distance. 

Suddenly she felt a sharp, almost stabbing, pain in her arm and a hand cover her mouth. Her eyes shot open. She told herself to stay calm. The worst thing she could do was panic. A strong hand grabbed her right arm and dragged her out of the warm bed. As her feet touched the cold floor, Tasha stepped her right foot back behind her and twisted to the right. She found herself standing in front of an older muscular man. Tasha quickly brought her arms down and wrapped them around his legs. She leaned forward and tackled the man to the ground. She flipped over him and brought a swift hard punch to his face, sending him collapsing to the floor.

Glancing up she saw a younger brawny gentleman lunging toward her. Tasha sprang in his direction and jumped on his left leg thigh. She placed her hands on his shoulders and swung around him. She placed her right leg around his neck and then hooked it under the man’s right arm. She put her left leg under the man’s right arm, grappling it. She leaned back behind the man’s back and twisted her body to the left around the man’s arm. The movement sent him flying to the floor as she landed upright on her feet. Seeing no one else in the room Tasha quickly darted for the door. In the darkness, she couldn’t tell if they were some of Dalmar’s men or not. Right now she didn’t care.

…..

Jason brought his fist to the man’s jaw which caused him to stagger backward. The previous man he’d fought had been a lot easier to subdue. He had hoped he and Tasha would have been able to make it back D.C. without any “incidents.” I should have known this was too easy. The man brought his hand to his bloodied face and wiped away some of the blood from his mouth. His eyes were filled with rage. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. The two men faced each other silently for a moment. The man rushed toward Jason. Jason grabbed the man’s arm with his left hand and pulled it as far as he could to the left side of his body. Jason then raised the man’s arm above his head as he brought his right fist to his chest several times. The man dropped the knife and doubled over in pain. Jason grabbed the pen on his nightstand and ran as fast as he could to his room’s door. His heart was pounding and all his senses were on high alert. Capture was not an option. As he stepped outside the door he ran into someone. Instinctively he brought his fist up to the person’s face but realized it was Tasha. He could tell by the look on her face that she was just as relieved to see him as he was to see her. 

“Thank God. It’s you.” Jason sighed. “I have the pen” he held it in front of her.

“We have to get out of here!” Tasha started down the hall.

“Right behind you!”

 Whatever other guests were on this level Tasha and Jason were quite sure they were awake by all the noise. The thing they couldn’t afford was innocent civilians getting caught up in whatever situation they were in. The shouts of “Be quiet.” and “We’re trying to sleep.” confirmed their suspicions. Jason and Tasha had nearly reached the stairs when they saw two men holding tasers by the door leading to the stairwell.

“There’s another staircase at the other end of the hall!” Tasha yelled. They ran toward the other end of the corridor. However, they found themselves cornered as they spotted the same men they’d taken down in their suites coming towards them.

“Where to now?” Jason asked. 

“Um...um” Tasha frantically looked around. Behind them, the men they’d seen by the staircase were coming closer. Things were quickly spiraling out of control, anyone could see that. Tasha spotted a passageway branching off of the main hall just beyond them. “Down that side hall.”

The two of them ran to the hall’s end. To the side, there was a large air vent. Jason quickly ripped the cover off and peered through the opening. “Looks like there’s a vertical shaft up ahead about ten yards.”

 “Terrific. Vertical shafts are my favorite.” Tasha scrambled into the shaft and started making her way up. Jason clambered in after her on his elbows and knees. The shaft was dark and dank. Sharp edges of sheet metal scraped and cut against their exposed skin.

“It’s sure tight in here,” Jason muttered under his breath. “Good thing I’ve been working out.”

“Really. I hadn’t noticed.” 

“Which part? How tight it is here or how I’ve been working out?”

Tasha rolled her eyes as she came to a bend in the shaft. “Do you have to use humor in every situation?”

“It’s how I cope,” Jason took a breath.“So is this how all your other missions go?”

“If you’re asking if I’ve ever had to climb in an air vent in my pajamas. The answer is no.”

“I should have figured.”

“I see some light up ahead. I think it’s the end of the shaft.”

“Good.”

Tasha winced. “Ow.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I cut my leg again on the side of the shaft.” Tasha reached the top of the vent. “We made it to the next floor.” She pressed up against the vent cover and pushed it to the side. She slid through the opening and stood up. Jason quickly exited the air vent. They each looked around, expecting any moment for their pursuers to turn up. The floor level remained all clear and eerily silent. Except for their heavy breathing, not another sound was discernible on the third story. They each eyed the staircase for a few seconds. Seeing no one they gave the other a knowing look and nod and raced to the stairs. Down the winding staircase, they went. The clattering of their footsteps resounded through the building. They were going so fast they nearly tripped on a few occasions. Tasha and Jason had reached the last landing before the ground floor when Jason felt a tingling sensation in his leg. In a split second, it turned into a searing burning pain, like an electrical current flowing through his body. Every inch of his body was in excruciating pain. He felt his legs begin to give way and he collapsed to the floor. He could hear a muffled sound. The sound of Tasha calling out to him yet he was too dazed to make out the words. 

Tasha saw standing in front of her the younger gentleman she’d taken down earlier. Holding a taser in her direction. The left side of his face was still splattered in blood from the punch she’d given him earlier. “Looks like this is the end of the line” he snarled.

Tasha hurled herself at the man. The man fired off his taser gun just as Tasha reached him. The shot fired off at the ceiling. Tasha sent the man flying back into the wall behind him. The man brought his hand up Tasha’s throat. She struggled to breathe as the man’s fingers closed tighter around her neck. She brought her leg up and kicked the side of the man’s head. He released his grasp and slumped to the floor. 

Tasha whipped her head around and saw two other men coming at her. She crouched down to the ground and kicked and spun her leg out toward one of the men, taking his legs out. Tasha flipped over to her feet and delivered a kick to the other man’s abdomen. The man stayed on his feet and grabbed Tasha from behind. He desperately tried to pin her arms behind her back. Before he could Tasha elbowed him in his face and placed her hand firmly behind his neck. She brought her legs to her chest and then down again to the ground, flipping the man over her head as she fell to the ground. She quickly placed her hands behind her head, lifted her legs into the air, and pushed herself back on her feet into a squat. She straightened herself up and rushed to Jason’s side.

She brought her hand to his face. “Jason, are you okay?” 

He struggled to sit up. “I’m fine,” he grimaced.

“Here let me help you up.” Tasha gave him a hand and helped him to his feet.

“Thank you.” He took a breath. “Nice job by the way.”

 “Thanks.” Tasha scanned their surroundings and the stairwell exit making sure it was clear. “Can you walk?” 

Jason took a step forward. It was painful but nothing he couldn’t stand. “Yeah. I’ve had worse.”

“Let’s get out of here.”

…..

“White Falcon have you acquired the targets yet?” Red Sparrow’s voice came through the man’s earpiece as he ran down the hall.

“Negative” the man replied, out of breath. “Acquiring them has proved more difficult than I anticipated. Fortunately, though…” he paused to try to catch his breath “I have several...backup plans.”

“You better.” she snapped. “I’m not paying you all this money to screw this up. Understand?!”

“Completely,” he muttered in response. 

…..

Tasha and Jason ran out under the portes-cochère of the hotel. Overhead the sky was still pitch black with visible stars dotting the night here and there. Two black SUVs with tinted windows were parked by the curb out front. The cars appeared unoccupied. By appearances, all the men had entered the hotel. One thing was for sure they weren’t sticking around. From behind the vehicles, a man suddenly appeared with a taser gun. Tasha and Jason ducked to the ground as he pulled the trigger. They walked crouched to the side of one of the cars and pressed against it. They quickly made their way around to the back of the SUV while the man walked around it as well. Every second felt like an eternity passing. The man appeared in front of him. Jason brought his fist square to the man’s face catching him off guard. He hit him repeatedly in the stomach and flipped him over. The man almost immediately regained his footing. Jason was still experiencing the effects of being tased earlier and could feel himself quickly losing strength. His opponent sensed this as well and punched Jason multiple times in the jaw and stomach, causing him to stumble to the ground. Tasha’s opened the trunk of the car, looking for anything useful. Inside she spotted a tire iron which she grabbed. Seeing the man’s back to her Tasha firmly gripped the tire iron and hit him as hard as she could across the head. The man fell forward to the ground, blood spewing from the gash across his head.

Jason stood up. “He’ll have a nasty headache tomorrow,” he commented as Tasha began to search the unconscious man’s pockets. Inside one of them, she found the keys to the SUV. “Got the keys.”

Tasha jumped in the driver’s seat while Jason climbed into the passenger seat beside her. She twisted the key in the ignition. The car rumbled to life. Tasha backed the car up and drove forward into the street. A shout from the entrance of The Chardell filled the air. Through the car windows, Tasha and Jason could see the rest of the men running outside and scrambling into the other SUV. Tasha spun the car on the asphalt and headed down a side road. She floored the accelerator. Cars beeped and honked. Dust filled the air as Jason and Tasha raced down the street, weaving through traffic. They could make out the car following them at full speed.

Tasha knew at higher speeds the risk of an accident astronomically increased. One could easily spin out of control or slam into another vehicle. However, that was a risk she had to take, she reasoned. She flattened the accelerator as much as she could. The reading on the speedometer went up with every passing moment. 80 mph. 90. 95. 100. The sound of guns firing filled the air. The rear window shattered, sending glass flying in every direction. Their pursuers, whoever they were, were getting desperate.

 “Get down!” Tasha yelled. Jason and Tasha crouched down in their seats. More gunshots pierced the air. Glass rattled and flew every which way. On the floor. The dashboard. The leather seats. Toward their faces. Jason didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if they got caught.

…..

“What the heck are you doing?!” the man screamed.  “We need them alive!”

“We are aiming for the tires! Besides you were the one going on about how we need to take them out fast!” one of the men responded as he fired his gun. 

“Just hold the fire, we don’t need it!” he barked at them. He looked down at the clock located on the car dashboard. “It won’t be long now.”

…..

“What's our next step?!” Jason asked.

Tasha glanced at Jason. Panic gripped her eyes. “Try to get to a secure location. After that, I’ll try to contact Headman. He’ll either send a helicopter for us to an extraction point or try to come up with some rescue plan if we’re taken in. Though I can’t promise it’ll be successful.” Tasha looked back at the winding road ahead. “We knew the risks aft…” Tasha trailed off. Her mind felt suddenly clouded and a wave of sleepiness washed off her. She shook her head trying to shake it off. “After…after all.”

Jason put his hand on her shoulder. His eyes filled with worry and panic. “Tasha! Tasha, are you okay?!”

Tasha felt a pounding in her head and her vision blurred. She squinted her eyes desperately trying to see the road, but it was no use. A nauseous feeling came over her and she found it difficult to breathe. Every passing second she felt worse and worse. 

“Jason…” Tasha struggled to speak. Jason was at a loss of what to do. They were caught in some hellish grave nightmare and there was no escaping. He pulled the pen out he had carried in his pocket. He knew they couldn’t afford for its information to be in the wrong hands. It was basic training. When facing imminent capture, discard any evidence. He quickly pressed down on the black button of the pen which was located below the two metal buttons. He held it down for five seconds. The seconds he counted down in his head. One by one the images it contained were permanently erased. Jason then glanced at Tasha. Desperation and pain were etched on her face. He could tell how hard she was trying to hold on yet she was failing.

“Here let me drive.” Jason sat up from his chair and started to move to the driver’s seat. Suddenly a wave of pain washed over him too, sending him back down. There was no mistake he’d been drugged as well. In his blurred vision, he could make out saw Tasha’s darkened form slump onto the steering wheel. Dear God…help us. He prayed as he slipped into unconsciousness. 

[iellarenuodolorian]

Mandoctober Day 7

Razor Crest

Words: 1.4k (wow, oops that happened)

Pairing: Din DjarinxFemale Mandalorian Reader

Warnings: injury, pain, nightmares, the slight angst is paired with fluff

~14 BBY

Six hours later the med droid finally came out to give you an update in its flat, monotonous mechanical voice.

“He is stable for now. He had extensive injuries that required him to be sedated in the bacta tank. He will not wake up for at least another twelve hours. I suggest you go home. We will alert you if there are any changes.”

With a sigh of resignation, you slowly stood up, muscles protesting from being in one position for so long. Ailyn would probably be needing help with his ship, and there was no point staying here. The droid wouldn’t let you in to see him anyway.

When you reached his ship, you finally saw how bad the damage really was. You couldn’t believe he had managed to land it. Ok, it was more of a crash landing, but he walked away from it...with your help. Honestly, you were joking with yourself because it was that bad, and the reality of how close you had been to losing him sunk in. There were holes everywhere in the hull, and so many of them that even if he had managed to seal off the cockpit it wouldn’t have been that much help to him. Whoever had gotten the best of him had to have been on kriffing good pilot, Djarin was a better pilot than you.

As you came closer, you found Ailyn in the cockpit laying on the floor with wires everywhere around her.

“Your boyfriend did a bang up job this time. How is he?”

“You know he’s not my boyfriend Ailyn. The droids say it was bad, and from looking at his ship I see why. The droid said he would make it, but he won’t wake up for at least another twelve hours. I have that much time to help you get as much of this put back together as we can.”

“Well then, grab a ‘spanner and start helping me rewire the central computer. Luckily, damage to the navicomputer and the targeting system was minimal, but all the connections to the central computer have to be reconstructed.”

“He would be that unlucky.”

“He is friends with you.”

You kicked Ailyn’s boot and made a rude hand gesture toward her.

“Yeah, and so are you so what does that say about you?”

“I’ve known you longer, your rotten luck doesn’t affect me now.”

Four hours later, the two of you had finished rewiring all the connections in the cockpit. One hour to run diagnostics and see which pipes needed to be replaced or patched for the cooling and other various systems, and two more hours to fix those. Ailyn had suggested using a special patch for the hull that would help reinforce it in the future. The yellow-orange stripes running diagonally down the sides and across the top of the ship would give it a distinctive marking, but as long as it helped hold the ship together better you hoped Djarin wouldn’t mind.

Patching the hull took the better part of five hours, and at that point you realized Djarin was supposed to be waking up sometime soon and you wanted to be there to find out what happened. You would never be able to repay Ailyn for helping you with this project.

“I leave today to travel to where my new clan is going into hiding. I will miss you ner vod.” Said Ailyn. “Make sure you tell him he owes me a favor and to be more careful with his ship. Razor Crest. She’s a beauty, I’ll give him that.”

“I will tell him. I will miss you more, ner vod. Thank you for your help.”

You gave your sister one last hug before going back to the medcenter to see if Djarin had woken up yet. No sooner had you walked in the door, than the droid walked over to inform you that Djarin was awake and that he had been asking for you.

When you walked into his room, he was eating, which meant no helmet. So you reached up to remove yours because at that point you had realized you had not eaten since yesterday. At his invitation you sat down on the end of his bed and pointed to the fruit he hadn’t touched yet, a silent question of if you could eat it. Between bites of fruit you told him about what happened yesterday with the meeting of the clans, and how everyone was being asked to go into hiding and not reveal their faces and names to protect the Mandalorian way of life until a plan was established to rid the Galaxy of the Empire.

“I was only on the fourth system on my list when I stumbled on a secret base. They had captured me and asked if I served the Empire or if I was independent. “ He told you. “I told them I hated the Empire because they were the product of the Clone War that took my parents away from me. They told me they were a small faction of rebels who were trying to form a Rebellion to fight the Empire. I laughed at them and wished them luck with their mission. They let me go, but I knew it was too easy. I was barely out of the atmosphere when x-wings came up behind me and tried to shoot me down before I could jump into hyperspace. I barely made it, as you saw. Did the Crest survive?”

You took a deep breath and tried to process what he had told you.

“Yes, the Crest made it. Barely. Ailyn and I patched her up and she’s almost as good as new. You just have to put the final minute details into place and make sure the settings are all to your specifications and you should be good to go. Ailyn says you owe her big time, by the way. She is already gone with her new clan.”

Djarin reached across the table and placed his hand on top of yours and whispered “I’m sorry. I know she is like a sister to you.”

You gave a small smile and grasped his hand tighter, not trusting your words.

“I need to finish packing and loading the last of my belongings into my ship. I leave in two days for my new clan.”

“The med droid said something about discharging me if I could keep food down. I want to spend as much time with you before you go, if you’ll have me.” The sad look in his eyes and the way he gripped your hand made your heart melt. How were you ever going to be able to say goodbye to him?

With a small nod you agreed to his request and left to take care of one last idea that had just come to your mind before Djarin was discharged. You went back to the Crest and installed a tracking beacon so that you would always be able to find him in the Galaxy. If you weren’t there to watch his back, who would? The mixing of all the different clans together was sure to cause problems, in addition to Djarin not always being the best at thinking a plan totally through.

You were putting the last of your belongings in a trunk when Djarin knocked on your door. You spent the rest of the night watching a few holovids and snacking on treats and enjoying each other’s company. You both finally fell asleep during the second ‘vid just before sunrise, but you woke up when Djarin started shouting in his sleep. You rushed to Ailyn’s bed that he had borrowed for the night to wake him up, and when he opened his eyes you saw pure terror in them with just a hint of tears in the corners. After holding him in a hug and running your fingers through his curls for a while he settled down. He refused to let go of you, and so you settled in beside him with his head on your chest and your fingers in his hair until you both finally fell asleep again. You wanted to ask what his nightmare was about, but if he didn’t want to share then that was his business. You were more than content to hold him for as long as he needed it. In another life maybe you could allow yourself to fall in love with him on a night like this, but for now you would hold on to these memories and trust them to give you strength when you needed it. With a kiss to his forehead that elicited a contented sigh from Djarin, you closed your eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

Mando’a words:

Ner vod- my sister

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

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Thank you for taking the time to read my silly little story! It means the world to me 💙💙

[hopeless-lovex0]

I HAVE A DREAM ( PART 3 )

Kim Hongjoong Fanfic

Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.

Okay guys 😊 Here’s what you all been waiting for 🥳🥳 Listen I honestly love Kim Hongjoong with all my heart and soul but I’m making this bitch suffer in this Fanfic so get really y’all. Also thank you so much to everyone that has been keeping up with this story so far I really appreciate it. ❤️

10:46 PM

The first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes was how dark the place was, flashes of lightning barely illuminating the room. Next thing he noticed was how sore his back was, reaching his hand behind him he felt the jagged lines going across his back from how hard she was gripping onto him and how she ran her nails down him.

He cursed under his breath, she wasn’t supposed to leave any physical marks on his body. They both agreed when they started that they would do anything possible to prevent any physical evidence so that they’re sinful acts won’t be discovered. Shuffling coming from the right broke his train of thought, looking towards the sound he found Ji Woo with her back towards him sleeping.

He sighed and stared at her for a couple of seconds, watching her breath in and out before finally deciding to leave the comfort of the bed. He grabbed his boxers off the floor and slid them on making sure to be extremely quiet as to not wake up the other person in the room. Looking around he figured that his clothes was all scattered around the apartment when they came in. He did a double take around the room before his eyes landed upon a framed picture on the left side drawer.

Walking towards it, he picked it up and examined it, feeling the guilt from earlier swallow him up little by little. Inside the frame layed a picture of Ji Woo and Y/N from when Ji Woo first moved into her apartment. He remembers this day clearly because it was the first time he had ever met Ji Woo.

Y/N had dragged him out of bed that morning and said that they were going to help her best friend out. Dragging his feet and eyes barely opened he agreed, at least then he would finally be able to meet this best friend of hers. The drive was half an hour long and he remembers how excited Y/N was, she was practically bouncing in her seat. He remembers laughing at her and calling her cute causing her cheeks to tinge up a rosy color.

They finally stopped and parked in front of an apartment building where Y/N practically flew out of the car and ran towards the entrance yelling at Hongjoong to hurry up. Turning off the engine he hopped out the car and locked it running up to Y/N and grabbing her hand. Together they walked inside and got into the elevator where it took them up to the 14 floor. He remembers how they walked to the second to last door down the hallway where it looked like someone was barely moving in.

Y/N ran into the apartment squealing at someone inside and Hongjoong chuckled under his breath knowing how childish she can get sometimes. Walking inside he saw her hugging someone tightly almost with a death grip but the other person didn’t seem to mind as she did the exact same thing.

He watched from the side as Y/N let go of her friend but still continued to grip her hands in hers and walked them towards where Hongjoong was standing. Standing in front of each other she spoke to both of them introducing them to one another.

“ Hongjoong this is my best friend,Ji Woo!” she said with a big smile on her face letting him know that whoever this girl was they were pretty close. “ Ji Woo this is my boyfriend, Hongjoong! “ Putting on a big smile he finally turned towards said Ji Woo to shake her hand and take a good look at her.

She was pretty he’ll admit that, she had small almond shaped eyes and a round shaped face. Hongjoong remembers thinking that if he were single he would probably go for her, but he wasn’t and he wouldn’t. Oh how wrong it would all go from there.

2 months later he was on his way to pick up Y/N from her job at the mall. She worked in a clothing store where a bunch of people seem to shop constantly so when he wasn’t busy she was the one who would be busy and vice versa. That day was one of those days where they both could spend some quality time together, Hongjoong having half the day off and Y/N coming out of work early. He took the escalator to the second floor and walked towards the store where he saw it almost empty. He spotted his girlfriend ringing some people up before she saw him standing at the entrance of the store.

“ Oh Hongjoong! Hi baby!” She said in a happy tone and his ears flared up from the looks the customers gave him upon being called out. He walked towards the register and leaned against it waiting for her to say something. “ I’ll just ring this line of customers up, and then we can leave okay ?” She said in a much calmer tone but none the less still loving, nodding his head he decided to walk around the store and look at their clothes options. He walked toward the back of the store where they kept the men’s clothing and started looking through it.

He was so into his journey of finding new workout pants he failed to notice the person that stationed themselves beside him. It was only when that person cleared their throat that Hongjoong finally noticed how close this person actually was. Turning towards them he found himself looking at Y/N best friend, Ji Woo. Turning his full attention toward her, he smiled and greeted her thinking to himself on how she got there. “ Is she here to visit Y/N as well...?” He thought and it seemed like she had read his mind because she answered him rather quickly.

“ Y/N and I work here together. She got me this job after I moved into my apartment.” She said with a small smile on her face and Hongjoong notices the small dimple she had on her right cheek. Nodding his head they stood there rather awkwardly before Y/N came skipping towards them. Her bag in hand and her name tag probably shoved in it. Looping her hand in his she asked him if he was ready to go to which he nodded his head. He watched as Y/N bid farewell to Ji Woo before dragging him out of the store. He failed to notice Ji Woo staring at him as they left.

After that it wasn’t that hard to miss the stares she gave him as she would do it anytime they were together along with Y/N. He felt the way she would press up against him when she would walk around him or how when she would laugh at his jokes she would put her hand on his shoulder rubbing it a couple of times before taking her hand away. It felt wrong but that didn’t stop him from playing along. He remembers how he would stare at her body and how she would do as many sexual poses without making it too noticeable. He remembers the way he would hold her hip rubbing his thumb on her flesh, making it seem like he was moving her out the way. He remembers all of the subtle innuendos she would do while staring at him and then looking away when Y/N would address either of them.

He honestly didn’t know how Y/N never noticed but then again they never made it obviously and Y/N just put it off as them getting along well. She was so naive but he used to say that she was cute for it, that he fell in love because of how cute and naive she was. Of course he never took advantage of her, although she could be pretty naive she was also pretty independent and stubborn. It was only then that he thanked god that she was so dense as it was easy to get away with what he was doing.

The first time he had sex with Ji Woo was when Y/N was away to visit her parents. It was late at night and he was having trouble sleeping being used to cuddling Y/N at night and feeling her warmth, it made it easy to fall asleep. Walking to the living room he turned on the TV and put on a movie so he could distract himself and hopefully fall asleep. It was halfway through the movie that he heard a knock at the door, startling him awake. He thought it was Y/N and that she maybe missed her train to visit her parents and decided to return, catching her train later in the morning.

As he walked towards the door, he started getting nervous and he honestly didn’t know why. He put it off as him being scared because if it wasn’t Y/N then who else could it be ? Opening the door he was shocked on who was standing at the other side. Ji Woo stood in front of him in a long beige trench coat and once they made eye contact they knew what was about to go down. He swallowed and licked his lips before inviting her in, and telling her that Y/N wasn’t home.

He saw her smirk before ripping open her coat, showing off her lingerie clad body. “ I’m not here for Y/N and I think you know what’s been going on between us.” She said while strutting towards him. He stared directly into her eyes not wanting to give into her, but she was making it hard as she put her hands on his abs and pushed her boobs against his chest.

“ You can tell me to stop and to go home, we’ll forget all about this or you can put your hands on my waist and we can get down to business.” She whispers in his ear making him shiver and swallow again, just noticing the obvious bulge in front of his sweat pants. Ji Woo noticing this leans her lower body towards his and grinds against him, making Hongjoong whimper from the friction.

Finally for what seemed like forever, Hongjoong puts his hands on her waist and lifts her up, walking towards the bedroom and losing himself completely to the feeling of ecstasy.

That morning after he woke up with a headache, as if his body was punishing him for what he’d done. Realizing the situation he woke up Ji Woo and told her to keep it between them as well as telling her to leave the apartment, not wanting anyone to catch them. After making sure that she had all her clothes and that no loose clothing was thrown anywhere, he walked her towards the main doorway before opening it for her and waiting for her to leave. What he didn’t expect to see was the rest of Ateez to be standing there, wanting to keep Hongjoong company and possibly have a guys day out. He remembers the looks of shock they gave him as Ji Woo and him stood side by side, they’re appearance of disheveled hair and clothing that looked crumpled and appeared to be put on in a rush giving away the activities they have done the night before.

She rushed out the minute they saw her and sprinted towards the apartments stairs wanting to make a quick escape to save her from the disapproving stares the guys were giving her. Once she was out of sight the guys turned towards Hongjoong watching him with heated stares as he sat himself down on the couch.

As all 7 walked in they slammed the door shut before shuffling towards Hongjoong, waiting for him to say something. After a couple a minutes of waiting with no explanation from him they all starting talking. It sounded weird to anyone who has never heard them or been with with them for a while, they were talking over each other and seemed to be getting louder as more time passed on. With a sigh Hongjoong raised his hand signaling them to quiet down, and quiet down they did. Running his hands through his hair he began to speak in a hushed tone making it hard for the guys to hear.

“ Huh? Speak louder cheater!” Barked out San and that’s when everyone noticed just how angry he was. His hands where curled up into fist by his side and his mouth was clenched making his jaw line look more sharp, they were honestly scared he was going to break his teeth with how hard he was grinding them. Turning back towards their leader they saw just how shocked he was, but he decided to let it slip probably knowing he deserved it.

“ I’m sorry..” He said, louder this time so that everyone could hear him and that’s when all hell broke loose. All of them screaming at him at once saying that they shouldn’t be the ones being apologized to and that he was disgusting for cheating on Y/N with her best friend. Being fed up with their screaming as his headache intensified he slammed his hands on the coffee table in-front of the couch silencing everyone at once.

The guys jumped back, seeing their leader lose his cool for the first time ever. They watched at he massaged his temples and opened his eyes staring at them with a tired look. Opening his mouth again they waited as he seemed to be finding the right words to say before he finally spoke. “ Please don’t tell her... at least not yet.” He said staring down at his lap not wanting to see the looks of disbelief they were probably giving him. Opening his mouth again he spoke before they had the chance to tear at him some more, this time making his voice sound firm letting them know that he was serious.

“ I’ll be the one to tell her, it’s nobody else’s fault but mine so I will be the one to tell her.. I-.... I just need you guys to keep it to yourselves before I finally gain the strength to look at her in the eyes and explain... please..” He knew how pathetic he sounded, how bad it was that he was begging them to keep quiet about his infidelity and just how bad it was hurting them to keep it from Y/N but as he looked up at them he saw them looking at each other before they looked at him again.

They glared at him, but nonetheless nodded their heads letting him know that they would wait for him to tell her. He let out a sigh and watched as they all turned around to head out but not before giving him disappointed looks letting him know just how much he fucked up. San was the last one to walk out the doorway and he didn’t miss the way he glared at him, it looked like he hated him and it honestly broke his heart. The last thing he wanted to do was break the trust of his members and Y/N but I looked like he had done just that the minute he gave into Ji Woo.

After that day he promised that he would tell Y/N what happened the minute she came back from visiting her parents, but as she came home with a beaming smile and so many stories of her little vacation he just couldn’t bring himself to doing it. It went on like that for a couple of days till the guilt consumed him completely and that’s when he decided to distance himself. He figured that if he kept to himself, at the end it wouldn’t hurt her as much and she would be able to move on right away.

A day later she wanted to get frisky telling him that it had been a long time since they’ve gotten intimate and he didn’t want to reject her. Fearing that she might figure something out and his body not being able to resist her advances. He enjoyed it, I mean of course he did. It was sex but he felt dirty touching her with his tainted hands, and that’s when he realized just how much it was affecting him not telling her.

After a couple days he finally decided to tell her and he drove to the mall where she worked, hopping out the car he knew at this hour was when she would usually take her lunch break and that’s the time he decided to lay the news down on her. When he walked into the store he went straight to the back room expecting her to be taking her lunch in there. Instead of being in the back room of the store he found Ji Woo drinking some water. Not wanting to talk to her he immediately turned around before hearing her call his name.

Slowly turning around he saw her giving him a small smile before gesturing for him to sit down across from her claiming that they needed to talk. Letting out a sigh he walked towards the chair before pulling it out and sitting down waiting for her to speak.

He heard her take a deep shaky breath before he heard her start talking. “ I want us to forget about that night... nothing happened between us and it should stay that way from now on.” She said firmly nodding her head as if she was confirming this to herself. Clearing his throat Hongjoong started nodding his head violently letting her know that he agreed with what she said before they let silence consume them.

They sat there for a couple more minutes staring at each other before they both jumped up and started kissing. The kiss was desperate and hungry as if they haven’t eaten in days and they were a meal. That was the second time they had sex and from then on it just kept on happening.

Halfway into their scandalize adventures Ji Woo became cold towards him till she finally cut all contact with him. He honestly wishes he would have left it at that but in between ignoring Y/N as much as he could and him having sexual needs he decided to contact her one last time before finally putting a stop to it. That’s were he was at now, in Ji Woo’s apartment half naked staring at a picture of his girlfriend and side chick.

Snapping out of his thoughts he immediately looked at Ji Woo one last time before walking out of the room not wanting to say goodbye as he knew it would only be awkward for both of them. Snatching his pants off the floor he jumped into them before walking toward the kitchen and grabbing his shirt being quick to put it on and wanting to leave right away. He heard a distant ringing in the living room and he walked towards it where he saw his phone thrown on top of the sofa. Furrowing his eyebrows he could have sworn it was in his pants pocket when he came in, shrugging his shoulders he picked it up and stuffed it back in his pants figured it was the guys who were texting and calling him.

He knew just how tired of him they were so he figured he would talk to them when he walked into the dorms. Doing one last scan across the apartment to check that he didn’t leave anything behind, he grabbed his coat and walked out of the apartment being quick to exit the building in case anyone recognized him. Running outside he saw that it was still raining and that only made him run faster not wanting to get wet. Arriving at his car he quickly got in before making his way back to the dorms where he mentally prepared himself for all the judgement he would receive from the guys.

Once in front of the dorms he made sure to park in his designated spot before locking it and making his way into the building. On his way up he made himself a mental note that once he woke up he would drive immediately to the place he shared with Y/N and tell her everything from the beginning. Hearing the elevator ding letting him know that he was on his floor he took a deep breath before finally taking out his keys and opening the door.

The first thing that greeted him was the screaming of the guys making him jump on the spot. They all seemed to be in a panic, all of them screaming at him and asking him why he wasn’t picking up. Telling them to quiet down he waited for them to do so before he told them to speak one at a time. San was the first one to speak or rather growl at him.

“ Why the FUCK haven’t you been picking up your phone.” He said with so much venom in his voice it made everyone get chills, looking at him with wide eyes. He waited for Hongjoong to speak before he got impatient with the lack of response. “ We have been calling you nonstop for hours and your over at that’s whores place sleeping around.” He spit out, the veins in his neck letting the rest of the guys know just how much he was holding back.

Hongjoong felt his heart speed up from how much the guys were staring at him, as if something bad had happened and from San’s reaction he could only guess that something bad had indeed happened. “ What do you mean you’ve been calling me..?” He asked with a small voice digging into his pocket and taking his phone out finally seeing all the missed calls and unread messages from all the guys.

That’s all it took for them to snap, having been fed up with his recent acts. Hongjoong felt himself getting picked up and slammed against the wall by the main entrance. He looked at the hands gripping his collar before trailing his eyes to the person holding him tightly. Fuming eyes met fearful ones, never having seen San this angry before he began to speak or rather scream at him.

“ YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU’RE OUT FUCKING AROUND WITH YOUR BITCH AND WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU! TO TELL YOU THAT Y/N FINALLY FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU CHEATING ON HER WITH HER WHORE OF A FRIEND AND YOU MEAN TO TELL US THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO CHECK YOUR PHONE AT LEAST ONCE?!?!?!?”

Everyone stays silent not wanting to get San even angrier but still standing close by incase the situation got physical. They all stare at Hongjoong as it takes him a second to take San’s words in before they see his eyes widen and his body start to shake.

Hongjoong feels his entire body heat up and his stomach clench up making him want to throw up. His brain just having registered what San said. “ She found out...? How did she found out ...?” He thinks to himself making his body shake even more with the information he was just given. Looking up at San he stares at him as San looks at him with hatred filled eyes. He opens his mouth to speak but only lets out a shaky breath from how much the information and being slammed into the wall stunned him.

“ Y/N ... found out..? How di- How did she find out..?” He asks the guys not failing to realize just how shaky his words are, he feels San push him against the wall one last time before letting him go. He drops to the floor not being able to stand on his own feet from how much his legs are shaking, he looks up to see San glaring at him before walking away and grabbing his phone seeming to be calling someone then cursing when he gets no response pulling the phone away from his ear then doing it again.

Looking away from him he stares at the rest of the guys where they shove someone’s phone in his face. The phone who he recognizes as Mingi’s is opened up to the group chat they have with Y/N claiming that it’s for them to roast him in peace. He grabs the phone with shaking hands before reading the conversation on display, reading how she asks them to tell her who knew about him cheating and ending with her saying that she wanted nothing to do with them.

Upon reading then re-reading the last texts Hongjoong finally regains his senses and jumps up to his feet startling the guys around him as well as San. They watch him run towards the front door before Seonghwa takes ahold of his jacket to pulls him back towards them. “ Where the hell are you going!?!?” He hears the guys ask him rather aggressively before he turns around to scream at them.

“ LET GO OF ME! I NEED TO SEE HER AND TALK TO HER!” He desperately tells them before Seonghwa let’s go of his jacket only to take his own and put it on. Hongjoong watches as all of the nod at each other before they all take their coats and put them on walking outside the door and looking at him. “ What are... What are you guys doing..?” Hongjoong asked as he watches them walk towards the elevator.

“ We’re going with you. We have to explain ourselves as well. Whether you like it or not so hurry up.” Yunho explains before Hongjoong finally just decides to let them be and runs out of the apartment, running toward the elevator were already all of them are packed in and with that they start descending to the lobby. He feels them staring at him although he feels one person glaring at him with such ferocity that makes him get goosebumps, no doubt in his mind that it’s San who is staring at him like that.

Finally arriving at the lobby he runs out hearing the rest of guys run after him before he runs towards his car. He’s about to drive off before he sees the passenger door as well as the back doors open and 4 of the guys climbing in. He figures that the rest of them took the other car they use on their free days before speeding down the streets of Seoul towards his and Y/N’s apartment.

Arriving there on record time which he knows is because he was speeding, he harshly hits the breaks before shutting off the cars and running toward the building not even bothering to lock it or to see if the guys are following him. Decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator he kicks the door open before running up the long stairs towards the 6th floor where Y/N lives. He arrives there a little out of breath and he sees the rest of the guys waiting for him by the door, probably taking the elevator and having arrived there faster than him.

With shaky hands he takes out the key Y/N gave him before shoving it in the key hole and throwing the door open.

It’s quiet, way too quiet and it makes Hongjoong scared. He calls out her name hoping that she just fell asleep and that that’s the reason for the apartment being so quiet. He waits for a reply expecting her to call back out but when he doesn’t then that’s when he starts to feel himself panic.

Getting shoved to the side by the guys he watches as they scout around the apartment trying to find Y/N incase she just decided to ignore them. Walking to the bedroom he feels his heart beating erratically making him chest hurt. He lifts a shaking hand vaguely hearing the guys walk up behind him to check with him as well.

He pushes the door open expecting to see Y/N curled up in the bed but he is meet with an empty trashed room. He sees the drawers open and empty, the ones that house her clothing as well as other miscellaneous things. The doors of the closet are all the way open and he notices the little vanity that was full of her makeup empty along with all of her coats and shoes gone. He draws a breath in and he hears the rest of the guys panic once they realize that she’s not there along with all her stuff.

He walks in the room and desperately looks around, wanting to find at least something of hers just to show that she was ever present but there’s nothing. Everything of her’s is gone and that’s when it finally dawns on him.

She’s gone.

Upon finally realizing this, he feels his stomach clench up and he doubles over in pain and anguish. He walks toward the bed to sit down and that’s when he spot it. A piece of paper folded neatly on top of her pillow waiting to be picked up. He snatches up the paper and harshly unfolds it wanting to read the contents written on it.

He swallows harshly before finally taking a deep breath in and exhaling in order for him to calm down and read the letter. He finally looks at what he knows is her written and starts to read.

Dear Hongjoong..

I honestly don’t know how to start this letter or how to even address you. I don’t even want to address you in any way...

My brother helped me with this note since I was crying really hard and gripping the paper harshly. I almost ripped it up but like I said Youngjo was here to help me write it.

I saw you at Ji Woo’s... I saw how she was gripping your hair and how she was moaning your name. And you were moaning her’s back...and I just had to run out of there before I honestly killed you both.

He puts the paper down for a minute to catch his breath before he notices the guys at the doorway then notices how loudly he’s crying, probably the reason as to why their standing there looking at him. Looking back down at the paper he watches as his tears stain the paper and he hurried to read the rest of the letter before his tears smudge the writing.

I texted the guys after I left to find out if all of the them knew or if it was just Mingi. I honestly don’t know how you did it.. they never listen you and this one time that involved you being unfaithful to me they decided to keep quiet ?

They must really love you to do that as I found out they didn’t love me enough to tell me...

I’m sorry Kim Hongjoong. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you and I’m sorry you had to find comfort in the sheets of my best friend.

Can you do me one last favor ? Can you please tell Ji Woo that after today she’s no longer considered family. Tell her to get rid of that best friend necklace I gave her too, it means nothing now and she means nothing to me as well.

YOU mean nothing to me. You’re reading this Kim Hongjoong ? After today you and the rest of ATEEZ mean nothing to me. Because apparently my feelings meant nothing to you.

I’m packing all my stuff as I also write this letter. I wanted to leave as soon as I found out what you were doing and I got my brother to help me along with his friends.

I also want to thank you. Amidst all of this heart break you still somehow managed to give me something beautiful, something precious. You gave me TREASURE.

Please don’t try to look for US. It would only make things worse for you and me,so please just one last promise. Can you do that for me Kim Hongjoong ?

Don’t try to look for US. We’ll be long gone after you find this.

I really loved you Hongjoong, I hope you remembered that as you laid in her arms all those times.

I hope you remember how much I loved you, because after today I will no longer say I did.

Sincerely: Y/N

Gripping onto the letter he lets the sobs consume his body, curling up into a fetal position on the foot of the bed where he managed to drag himself and started rocking forwards and backwards comforting himself as best as he could. He hears the rest of the guys walks towards him before he sees a pair of legs in front of him. He doesn’t know who it is nor does he care, the painful feeling in his chest causing him to choke on his sobs and his body to tremble. He feels someone take the letter from him and he lets them, not having the strength to keep it in his hands.

He hears what he thinks is Jongho read the letter out loud to the rest of the guys before he hears them let out painful gasps upon hearing the contents written in the paper. He hears San whimper before asking out loud to no one in particular. “ She’s gone..? Y/N is gone..” Hearing it from someone else out loud causes Hongjoong’s stomach to twist and turn before he realizes what going on. He’s going to throw up.

Rushing to stand up and running towards the bathroom effectively scaring the guys they rush after him as he slams the bathroom door open before crouching down and throwing up in the toilet. They watch as he empties everything from his stomach while also sobbing into the toilet.

Hongjoong raised his head after feeling everything empty out and looks around the bathroom. Y/N seemed to be serious about leaving as everything that belonged to her was gone even in the bathroom. The various face serums she would buy for her face as well as all her mango scented hair products.

The thought of everything of hers being gone causes him to cry even harder and not being able to hold back he screams out loud. To anyone that that was nearby apart from the boys, they would think that he just lost a family member from how heartbroken and grief filled the screams were causing anybody to get chills. To Hongjoong it felt just like that, he felt as if he just lost an important person in his life and along with that person a part of him too.

Feeling disgusted with himself he feels the need to punch something so with out thinking he gets up and punches the mirror. It breaks into tiny pieces as well as some of it wedging itself in his fist but that doesn’t stop him. He continues his rage filled tantrum ripping the curtain off the tension rod and ripping the towel holder off the wall throwing it towards the door were some of the guys move out the way standing there watching him.

Breathing heavily he sits down on the floor were he continues to sob and scream out. He finally takes what he thinks is an empty trash can near the toilet before throwing it against the wall causing it to break from the harsh impact. He fails to see what falls out of it.

The guys don’t though so once the box falls out of the broken bin they all gasp out at once. In front of them lays what seems to be an empty pregnancy test box. Wooyoung reaches for it and looks inside where he takes out a crumbled up receipt. He looks at it to see the date letting him know that it was purchased today. Looking at the guys with wide eyes, they seem to be communicating without words all of them thinking the exact same thing.

Could Y/N be pregnant ?

Turning towards Hongjoong who seems to still be stuck on his own world he calls out to him to catch his attention, his voice trembling from the possibility of Hongjoong actually having a child. “ Hyung... Hongjoong hyung look...” he says finally catching the attention from said person.

Hongjoong lifts up his head from his hands and looks towards the guys at the doorway. They stare at him with wide eyes before he drifts his eyes towards Wooyoung. He looks at him for a second before he looks at what he’s holding out, a blue box lays in his hands and he feels his brows furrow with confusion.

Taking the box from Wooyoung’s hands he flips it over where he reads the big dark blue letters “ClearBlue Pregnancy Test” he feels his heart truly stop for the second time that day before it hits him like a tone of bricks.

Lifting himself off the floor he walks towards Jongho who still has the letter in his hands before snatching it away from him and skimming through it. He sees it then, too choked up and mind wrapped up with Y/N he somehow missed the way she asked him to not look for her.

Instead of saying her alone she says US having underlined it and written it in capital letters. He feels his mind start to race with various thoughts not being able to think straight and causing him to get a big headache.

“I going to have a child...? Y/N is pregnant...?”

Hongjoong feels himself burning up, paralyzed with misery and sorrow. He hears the rest of the guys call out to him and he fails to realize just how pale he got and how he’s slowly swaying side to side. Turning back towards the guys he blankly stares at them before feeling his body give out.

He sees the look of terror cross the guys faces as he crumbles at their feet and he sees them talking to him but can’t seem to hear them as the ringing in his head gets louder. With one final thought he fights the way his body is shutting down and causing him to numb all over.

“ I’m going to be a dad..?”

Hongjoong blinks three more times before finally letting his body shut down, the looks of panic from the member is the last thing he sees before he finally passes out.