#I wrote a whole damn essay but it was worth it

[ghostdrinkssoup]

okay so I watched ouef (s1 ep4) last night and I only vaguely remembered it as the episode with the lost boys and the creepy family dinner, but now that I’ve rewatched it I’m losing my mind over how much it actually sets up/foreshadows mizumono, especially thematically. considering this, it’s surprising how little this episode is talked about so I’ve decided I’m gonna unpack it myself because I honestly see it as mizumono’s necessary counterpart. it’s first half, if you will

so let’s talk about oeuf

I think part of the reason why a lot of early s1 isn’t discussed as widely as the rest of the show (especially late s2 and s3 in general) is because of the prescriptive use of genre conventions that underpin the “monster of the week” format that, upon first glance, makes s1a seem a little less interesting. it strongly follows the rules and expectations of the standard crime procedural that we’ve come to expect from a show like this: first there’s a murder, then our cast of characters go to investigate, slowly unravelling the mystery while learning some lesson along the way, until finally they catch the bad guys and the episode ends with justice prevailing, resolving the initial injustice of the crime. overall we’re left feeling satisfied, but it’s nothing to write home about

nonetheless, it is very important that nbc hannibal follows this formula in s1 because it allows it to meet audience expectations while also setting up the building blocks for its later acts, which, as we know, (mostly) abandons this scaffolding entirely. you can’t break the rules unless you know the rules, and s1 proves this by luring us in through its promise of convention. you could argue that, in its own way, s1 is the show’s own person suit

that’s not to say the “monster of the week” formula completely hides the show’s gothic side. beyond the show’s visual aesthetics (dark colours, artistic murders, etc) and the almost supernatural quality of will’s empathy, each episode/murder so far has had an underlying “fairytale-like” quality to it that’s achieved through the use of specific allusions/familiar images. first it’s will describing abigail as willy wonka’s golden ticket, then it’s the mushroom garden, then sleeping beauty wakes from her coma, and now we have peter pan and the lost boys. considering how the rest of the show plays out, especially s3 where hannibal literally describes the italy trip and his perception of life as a fairytale, this seems intentional to me. I mean, he and will literally adhere to the beauty and the beast archetype, with both fitting either role depending on what aspect of their relationship you’re looking at

that’s all to say, it’s notable that mizumono acts as the literal gateway between the familiar world of s1 and 2 and the phantasmagoric beauty of s3, stripping both its main characters and the show itself of their person suits, which isn’t as jarring as it should be due to the particular way s1 is structured

which takes us back to what I really want to talk about: ouef

the episode opens in baltimore, where will tells hannibal this:

as will speaks, we see his house, lit up and observed at a distance in the middle of nowhere, caught in the vast, misty darkness he describes. linking the house with the boat is important, since this dual image develops throughout the rest of the episode. thematically, ouef is about family, as is represented through the monster of the week: the woman kidnapping the lost boys and manipulating them into killing their families. but as we said before, this scaffolding is designed to set up character specific concepts and themes that’ll be relevant later. for now, will’s home is only a safe space for him at an observable distance — only “safe” because it looks like a boat at sea, which is a positive association for him

houses traditionally represent the self. it’s an image commonly linked to identity, both on a literary level and oftentimes when interpreting dreams. and of course, when talking about the house we naturally think of family. will can only appreciate the intimacy of both himself and his personal connections from an observable distance. he does not feel safe doing otherwise. it’s why his house is located so far away from the rest of society: he’s in hiding

from here, hannibal is quick to change the subject, stating that will “stood in the breathing silence of garret jacob hobbs’ home”, or, metaphorically speaking, hobbs’ identity. in episode one, will saw the truth of hobbs more so than he’s ever seen (or embraced) the truth of himself. he was not at a distance. he was not safe

then hannibal asks, “did they speak to you?”

and will responds, “with noise and clarity”

he then follows this by saying he “tried so hard to know garret jacob hobbs. to see him” beyond the police tape and dead girls and photographs, all of which he considers superficial details. this particular phrasing is significant, since it directly parallels what hannibal later tells will in mizumono after he learns of his betrayal: “I let you know me. see me.” this scene lays out the dominoes for this chain reaction, all of which results in s2’s climactic moment, by showing hannibal’s desire to be seen, even if he doesn’t fully realise it yet, and will’s desire to connect with others like himself, if they even exist. as I’ve said before, will does not think monstrosity and humanity are separate concepts

so, by wanting to see beyond hobbs’ person suit, which in of itself is a metaphor for conformity, expectations, and the false self, will set aside his own denial and discovered something very ugly about himself. he murdered hobbs in his own home and, for the briefest moment, caught a glimpse of the truth of himself. “see?” haunts will for this reason. it’s something he carries for the rest of his arc

it’s important that this all happened in the kitchen, but I’ll get to that later

but returning to the scene. hannibal asks will how he felt seeing marissa, the girl hannibal killed last episode. there’s an unspoken question here: did you try hard to get to know me too? did you know me? see me? would I ever allow you to do so? under the copycat guise, and the person suit, is knowing me even possible? as we learn in mizumono, the answer is yes

will says he feels guilty and I don’t think he’s lying here the same way he lied when he told abigail murder is the ugliest thing in the world last episode. there’s a difference between feeling guilt and feeling remorse. he thinks he caused marissa’s death, and he feels guilty because he knows he isn’t feeling (or reacting) the way he should be. killing hobbs felt good, remember? he saw hobbs, and in turn himself, with “noise and clarity” and had a moment of chilling self awareness he can’t shake. this is what he feels guilty about. it’s not about “not saving her” it’s about the threat of his self-destructive nature burning everything around him, which is what he fears. he feels monstrous inside, due to his own sense of vindication and inclination towards righteous violence

for the rest of this scene, I’m going to pick apart the dialogue in a kind of skeleton structure so we can take what information we need from what they say. their conversation goes as follows:

“sometimes I felt like we were doing the same things at different times of day. like I was eating or showering or sleeping at the same time he was.”

→ will feels like he’s doing the same things hobbs was (showering/sleeping/eating) even after he was dead because he’s now sensing hannibal, the copycat. or rather, his own copycat/foil. they’re already connected and they already feel the same (he feels like he killed marissa even though hannibal killed marissa)

“even after he was dead?” / “even after he was dead.”

→ so it’s hannibal he’s connecting to now, even subconsciously

“like you were becoming him?”

→ the introduction of the “becoming” motif which, as we all know, is a central theme and another reference to their foil dynamic (hannibal has already said he and will are the same). note hannibal’s tone when he says this: he’s speaking quicker, unable to stop questioning. there’s another conversation happening just below the surface of this one. he’s curious about will and his ability to connect, which was established earlier in episode 2

“I know who I am. I’m not garret jacob hobbs”

→ links back to the first episode where will, out of his own free will, chooses to shoot hobbs. remember that in the opening scene of that same episode he himself tells his students that, according to his own worldview, by understanding the murder, we understand the man. this isn’t a matter of confusing his identity with that of a killer: will knows exactly who he is, and that’s what scares him. he’d rather stay in denial

it’s also noteworthy that will’s refusal to be seen as hobbs, or a copycat of him, mirrors hannibal’s refusal to be associated with him too, as we saw in episode three when he tells abigail “I am nothing like your dad.” it implies that reading either of these characters as a mirror of someone else (other than each other, of course) would be a misstep. for both will and hannibal, hobbs is just another layer of the person suit. something that’s brutally stripped in mizumono, as I said before

we learn all this in one scene alone. like I said, this episode is complex and packed. the rest of the episode simply expands on the concepts introduced in this one conversation. I won’t go into every scene because this post would turn into an academic paper, but I do want to spend time dissecting a few key scenes which I feel directly link back to mizumono specifically and highlight why this episode is so important: the family dinner scene, hannibal breaking into will’s house, will’s therapy sessions with hannibal, and hannibal and abigail making breakfast together

how will analyses the family dinner, as well as what we learn from this scene, adds to our understanding of how these characters interpret family as a whole. after all, this episode is about “the lost boys” which, to me at least, will and hannibal both are. it’s their lack of real connection that causes them to treat abigail in the idealised way they do, similar to how the woman tries to make her own found family with the kidnapped boys (although this parallel better fits hannibal than will)

within his reconstruction of the crime scene, will sits at the head of the table, saying he’s “brought his family to this home invasion.” of course he’s impersonating the killer here, but this use of the home again (and family) is enough to pay attention to

power and control is also brought up in this scene. will says he controls the turners with “threats of violence. threats that turn to action” which is how hannibal operates (although more psychologically considering his demeanour, he doesn’t seem threatening at first and rarely loses his cool) but he can’t control people that way, least of all will. in the end threats of violence don’t even work, because the more worked up you get the less in control you actually are

will then shoots mrs turner, who, as we later learn, forgives the act since she loves her son. forgiveness (and acceptance) being synonymous with love literally underpins the conflict of s3, which is triggered by hannibal asking will if he’ll forgive him for murdering abigail in mizumono, but it’s first shown here, of all episodes, in the story’s set up. because of this, hannibal killing abigail and stabbing will recalls this episode, perhaps more as an echo than a direct link, but is strengthened nonetheless by this subtle build. added to this, it’s notable that the threat of violence here is also due to a type of betrayal (“family dinner, I wasn’t invited”) but the lost boy sits at the head of the table anyway, where he belongs, much like hannibal does, both at the end of this episode and as the “paternal” father figure throughout most of the show

as will says, this whole sequence portrays family values. twisted ones, but values nonetheless. it’s why I’m more inclined to connect this episode to the s2 finale than I am the s1 finale (although it’s still relevant) because this episode is so strictly about family. mizumono is the same but in reversal: the ideal family hannibal dreams and tries to take control of, since he had no control of his own as a boy, is shattered before his eyes

the other largely significant moment in this episode is when hannibal breaks into will’s house and pierces his thumb on the hook, tying the fishing/boat imagery back to the house again and foreshadowing will as the “lure” (his s2 persona)

what’s important about this scene is that hannibal enters will’s world (his isolated identity) to plant the evidence that’ll later frame him for all the s1 murders, leaving traces of himself on will so that, for a moment, will too becomes the copycat. again, not the exact truth of him or his nature, but a fragmented replica. inauthentic. fake. another layer of the person suit, except this time it’s hannibal’s forced on will

but what’s interesting is that hannibal also gets caught in will’s web. there’s a lot of focus on the hook specifically, and the camera lingers on the feathers, which hannibal takes the time to touch and look at, until finally, he pricks his thumb and draws blood

the irony is that in this moment, before the game even really begins, hannibal loses. he’s already hooked himself. we saw hints of this in the first scene of this episode, how his fascination with will is unlike any other attachment, or lack of attachment, he has, and it encapsulates the whole reason for his downfall: his attachment and obsession. it’s beyond his control (“you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love”) and humanises him in darkly twisted way. he cannot control his feelings, and he doesn’t know what to do with this

his fate is sealed in this episode, but he doesn’t realise it until mizumono

again, the boat imagery is another interesting thing to note. fishing/boats/anchors are all introduced in this episode as mild, safe things (seeing the house as a boat makes will feels safe, wanting to teach abigail how to fish, hannibal saying will needs an anchor, will and his dad at the boatyard, etc) but fishing has an insidious side, too. one hannibal isn’t aware of. it has a meek mask, and in its own way, acts as another type of security. does will feel safe within his own sense of control, too? that’s the whole point of the person suit, isn’t it? it’s an important question, because the fallout is explored in mizumono. like I’ve said all throughout this analysis: everything here is being set up for a single climactic moment

will also sails to florence later in a boat he builds. he returns to hannibal’s home in s3, sitting in the kitchen with abigail’s ghost, but it isn’t home if hannibal isn’t there, so he sails to find him. I hate to say it, but will’s insane little sailing trip to italy is actually symbolic too if you interpret hannibal as will’s home, and by going to find him will, in turn, is also going home

the scene ends with hannibal sucking the blood from his thumb, before we transition to the blood streaked family portrait, opening the next scene. having the frame of hannibal bleeding being immediately followed by the bloody family portrait seems deliberate to me, since, as we know, he kills abigail later and destroys their “family” because will “makes him bleed”. again, tying the events of mizumono back to the family values introduced in this episode

also, in the script the sound hannibal makes when he sucks the blood from his thumb is described as “not unlike a quick kiss” which is an odd way to phrase it within the literal context of this scene, but makes a lot of sense when you consider what it means symbolically. it’s a small detail, but it recontextualises will “luring” him in as a romantic act, as well as a romantic betrayal

continuing on, what family means to hannibal and his desire to both connect with will and manipulate abigail are both interweaved as the episode progresses. hannibal says that “children transport us to our childhoods”, reframes the idea that will’s family, who will jokingly refers to as a pack of strays, also includes abigail (and without saying it, himself) and that the woman who’s kidnapping the lost boys is engaging in a “perversion” of motherhood. all these things evidently reflect hannibal himself, and the specific trauma he experienced losing his parents and, more to the point, his younger sister. we don’t learn the specifics of this backstory until much later on in the story, but his behaviours (and the trajectory of his character arc) are influenced by it regardless

in contrast, will doesn’t seem all that interested in the concept. he sees family as an “ill fitting suit” (yet another reference to the person suit) and it’s an entirely foreign concept to him (it’s foreign to hannibal too, since they’re the same, but I digress). still, he tries to connect to abigail anyway, but this isn’t motivated by a want for authentic family or someone who understands him, but rather an ideal. will doesn’t want to see the truth of himself, it scares him. he doesn’t want to see the truth of abigail, either. he doesn’t want to see her as her father’s lure (again, fishing imagery) but as something innocent and divorced from what he knows of himself. he ironically buys her fishing gear in this episode (although he never gives it to her) in an attempt to associate her with the same meek mask we discussed earlier. but as we know, this “safety” too has layers

buying abigail a gift also mirrors what hannibal says to will in mizumono: “I gave you a rare gift, but you didn’t want it.” the rare gift is family, which is given value when will says “I can’t give them back what they just gave away” in relation to the lost boys and their dead mothers. it’s again another part of the family values introduced in this episode: family is a rare gift, but it’s not something you can force, which both hannibal and will try to do with abigail (like the mother tries to do with the lost boys)

the “I can’t give them back what they gave away” is particularly important, since it implies permanency and an inability to reverse the action. the gift of family and connection is only rare because once it’s taken from you you can’t have it back; you can’t reverse time; you can’t take back control

this is the crux of hannibal’s entire arc. the belief that he is in control of his life, since, in his mind, he’s godlike and exists beyond human folly and attachment, underpins every single one of his actions leading up to mizumono. for this reason, it’s significant that the teacups are introduced in this episode as a means (and symbolic prop) to control abigail. they are later related back to time but this is meant to be a symbol of hannibal’s power. he directly says that he wants to give abigail her ‘power back’ earlier in the episode, but he’s really just empowering himself. he projects his attachment to mischa onto her, something he pretends doesn’t affect him and he is above of (his approach to dealing with trauma is clear through his interactions with abigail — he thinks she shouldn’t be immersed in the tragedy of the past and should just ‘move on’)

in truth, hannibal wants to recreate the moment of tragedy (both his tragedy and abigail’s tragedy) in order to reverse time and have the perfect family, despite being incapable of this. he’s trying to escape how his trauma makes him feel powerless by attempting to take power back, no matter how futile it is

he attempts to do this here, in his home, by making them breakfast, since in his mind by feeding abigail the same (and last) meal she had with her family, he is in turn engineering a kind of ‘rebirth’ for her. he reassures that although this was the last meal she had with her family, it’ll be the first with him, and tries to take away her bad memories by replacing them with positive associations. the reversal of time is even clear in how he makes breakfast for dinner, flipping literal time on its head for his amusement

for the audience, in this scene we learn he’s a more skilled manipulator than the woman who took the lost boys, since he’s forcing this “blur” between abigail’s father and himself through the use of psychedelics and fostering dependency. he wants to replace hobbs without necessarily becoming him. again, he’s his copycat, not his replica

the fact that this all takes place in the kitchen is also important. it’s the same place hannibal will later kill her, proving he can’t reverse time and he isn’t in control, and that she was never reborn, and he was never her father. and returning to the beginning of this analysis (I said I’d come back to this) will also killed hobbs in his own kitchen, where he finally sees the truth of himself. in mizumono, a reversal occurs: hannibal is now confronted with the truth of himself and, like will, accidentally finds something very ugly by exposing himself

the episode ends with will separated from the ‘family’ and resting with his dogs, similar to how mizumono ends with will lying in his own blood, alone. in summary, oeuf quietly introduces and foreshadows key plot, character, and thematic elements through the conventions of the crime genre, and it’s fascinating to me how many links can be made between this episode and the bloodbath in mizumono

even down to the episode title: the newly formed egg and all the consequences that are to follow its hatching

[94erz]

At this point I think I have to accept we’re not getting anything until Indigo actually comes out or very close to, sometime after the 21st. One part of me has reached the whatever stage while the other part of me is still like, what the fuck?!

Do I get it? Not really. But I haven’t been able to make sense of a lot of shit that’s been happening since the summer. I don’t think they do either given how last minute everything has been.

I hope someone makes a documentary years after BTS disband that does an insane deep dive into them that includes this era because I would be fascinated to know what the game plan was. Since we’ll never know from the company and I don’t see any of the members doing a tell-all. Even though I would live for that, a book or otherwise. Specifically from Namjoon’s perspective ‘cause I think if anyone would write a good book it’d be him.

[mayumiiyuu]

Eddie x reader

Where she hits a bully with a lunch tray because they’re making fun of Eddie for something stupid because she don’t take none of that shit

I love violent reader insert

A/N: i too, love violent reader insert, with all my anger issues (which I should prolly talk to my therapist about) I too would smack anyone with a lunch tray if they made fun of the love of my life.

e. munson || violent delights

tw: mentions of (well deserved) violence against douchebags

While you were relatively new at Hawkins, only having lived there for about two years when you transferred in your sophomore year of high school, you had earned quite the reputation for yourself as none other than the badass of Hawkins High.

It wasn’t that you were mean or unnecessarily cruel, the basket ball team douchebags had already taken the title as bullies of the school anyhow, it was just that you were frank, brutally honest, and utterly allergic to bullshit.

You didn’t bother with the stupid made up rules about cliques being unable to mix, despising the social hierarchy with all your heart and soul, you were friends with the people you wanted to be friends with, from all different sorts of groups. From the funny band kids to some of the less pretentious, nicer cheer leaders, to even some of the nerds that played dungeons and dragons, you only ever made space in your life for genuine people, people who could be their most authentic selves without worrying about the status quo.

Your reputation as an absolute badass first started when you called out your old, racist, sexist, homophobic, and all-things-a-bigot-was English teacher who gave you a backhanded comment in class when you wrote about how F. Scott Fitzgerald was a shithead who basically plagiarized his wife’s work and plastered his name on it when you were supposed to do an in-depth essay on The Great Gatsby and it’s themes involving “the American dream”. You smirk at the memory of him basically cowering at your feet when you called out the fallacies he had used when you debated with him.

But, you had officially earned your title when you broke a jock’s nose by slamming his stupid face into a locker when he had made a sexist remark at you right before he tried to lean in an swap salivas with you.

You had been sent to detention that day, and that was the fateful day you had made acquaintances with with a certain metalhead. After telling him your reason of being there, he had applauded you, inviting you over to his club to join in on one of his campaigns. Unable to refuse as you had wanted to get to know him more, you agreed.

From then on, you found yourself constantly within the company of Eddie Munson.

You liked him, with his whole eccentric personality, witty remarks, and weird sense of humor, you had become friends with the boy fairly quickly despite his outcast status—which, of course, you didn’t give a damn about. He made you laugh the hardest you had ever felt, stomach aching to the point you swore if you laughed anymore you’d grow a six pack; he was someone you often sought out for to have some of the most interesting, thought provoking conversations. Despite his carefree demeanor and utter lack of concern for his academics, you had observed that Eddie was actually really smart, able to dismantle societal concepts with his disdain for conformity, hell, you even admired the guy for his open mindedness.

Though you had made friends, you could only ever really count them on the fingers of one of your hands, as people were too intimidated by your blunt demeanor to approach you. That, combined with your resting bitch face, made it hard for people to view you in a warm and welcoming perspective.

But you had decided long ago that whoever was too intimidated by your aura and sharp eyes weren’t worth your time. If your reputation and the rumors they had heard of you honestly made them hesitate to befriend you, they weren’t people you wanted in your life anyway.

Currently, you sat at a lunch table with Eddie and the other members of Hellfire, throwing your head back in laughter as you cackle at one of Eddie’s snarky jokes about the popular crowd.

As if they had heard him, Eddie’s own sworn enemy stands from his seat and makes his way towards your guys’ table.

Ever the observant one, you had spotted him get up from his seat, by scanning his body posture with his clenched hands as well as the look of contempt in his eyes, you silently prepared yourself for battle.

As he saunters over to the table, a few of the other basketball jocks following behind him, you let out a tsk.

Didn’t even have the fucking balls to come here himself, no, he had to bring in reinforcements.

The glare you send him almost makes him want to turn back and torment the D&D nerds another day, but since he was a man with his pride on the line, he very idiotically ignored his gut feeling.

You intertwined your fingers together, propping your elbows on the table as you rested your chin on your hands, eyeing his movements carefully.

The others quickly catch on, the freshmen, who you knew as Mike and Dustin, quickly avert their gaze and freeze like deer in the headlights, as if Jason Carver was a T-Rex: he can’t see you if you didn’t move.

But if Jason was a T-Rex, you were motherfucking Godzilla.

He flashes them his signature smile before Eddie rolls his eyes at him.

“What do you want, Carver?”

“Oh y’know, just wanted to see what the freak show was up to—hey, didn’t anyone tell you guys the circus left town the other day?” The blonde says sarcastically as his goonies laugh at his weak ass joke.

You stay silent, thinking that maybe, just maybe, in that pea sized brain of his, he would somehow find some common sense and realize what the hell he was getting into.

“Fuck off, will ya?” Gareth replies, exasperated from the jock’s incessant attempts of intimidation and bullying.

“And the geek speaks!” Jason cries. “What, you guys feeling brave now that (last name) is sitting at your table?”

Eddie stands, his form most definitely towering over Jason’s, in order to defend his friend.

You only pay half attention to whatever Eddie says to him, glare glued onto Jason, laying patiently, silently in wait for that jackass to give you a good reason to knock him into next Tuesday.

Whatever Eddie says to him riles him up more than Jason reckoned.

The blonde laughs, the sound devoid of any amusement at Eddie’s words.

“Why don’t you take you and your satanic cult and get the hell away from here, yeah? Or, better yet, why don’t you jump off a bridge? Doubt anyone’ll miss you,” every word that comes out of his mouth makes you want to claw his eyes out. “You’re nothing but a freak, Munson, no one fucking wants you around. Bet your parents left you with your uncle because they couldn’t stand to see what an utter disappointment their child was—or, maybe they couldn’t find it in themselves to love a freakish monster like you.”

Good, you thought, that sentence was reason enough for you.

You grab your lunch tray, lowering in order for him not to catch onto what you were about to do next.

You plaster a smile on your face, which had him somewhat fooled. He smiled back at you warmly.

“(y/n), come on, why don’t we escort you away from these freaks,” He starts, gesturing you over to him and his friends.

Tch, typical meathead jock, not a single thought in his brain. Had he seriously not noticed the look of pure death in your eyes?

“Of course,” your voice is nauseatingly, sickeningly sweet that it sends a shudder up Jason’s spine. “But, first—“ were the last thing Jason heard before you lifted up your lunch tray high in the air as you swung it at him, hitting him smack dab on the face.

He lurched backwards at the force you had hit him with, blood coming out his nostrils as his friends caught him before he could land on the floor.

Too bad, you would’ve loved to see that.

Eddie and the rest of your friends are absolutely stunned, while at the same time admiring how gracefully and effortlessly you had just attacked the captain of the basketball team.

As Jason somewhat regains his consciousness, he wiped the blood that had started to dribble from his nose onto his upper lip, panic and shock written all over his face.

You bend your knees slightly as you lean in towards him, his so called friends too chicken to even try to defend their captain from your wrath.

“Next time you try that shit again,” you start, placing the lunch tray down on the floor. “It’ll be the last thing you ever do, mkay?”

He stammers, hands shaking under your vicious stare.

“Nod if you understand.” You say, ensuring the message got to him loud and clear.

He gulps, nodding his head slowly.

“Good.” You state, flipping your hair as you waltz your way back to your seat, sipping your apple flavored juice box.

The whole cafeteria looks at you with the same and utter shock Jason had just given you, murmuring to themselves about the scene that had just unfolded while Jason was basically carried by his friends that acted like his crutches.

Eddie sits down and exhales. “That, was the single most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life,” he looks to you, veneration in his eyes as he chuckles. “All hail (y/n)!”

The group continues to chant Eddie’s statement, banging their fists on the table as they praise you. You roll your eyes playfully at their antics before standing up to take a bow.

Suddenly, you freeze, and all commotion in the cafeteria comes to a halt as a well dressed man strode his way towards you.

Through all your time in his office, you recognize the man instantly.

“Principal Higgins,” Mike breathes out as he glances towards you worriedly.

“(y/n), to my office, now.”

You turn around slowly, slumping your shoulders as you follow his orders.

“Yes, dad.” You groan inwardly.

But as you catch sight of Eddie giving you a smile, his eyes twinkling with mischief, you can’t help but feel the pride swell in your chest.

Detention, suspension, community service, or even having to clean up the garage, whatever punishment your father had in store for you would be worth it.

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

what do you think Suburban Legends is about?

Oh boy oh man oh gee oh goly I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG!!!! Buckle up!!!!! This is verrryyy long, part essay, part rant, so I apologize in advance 😘

The story begins with the subject repeatedly betraying the speaker, and her forgiving him for it. The entire song reflects on how and why this becomes a pattern, and the long-term consequences of that first moment.  

“You were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious, flushed with the currency of cool, I was always turning out my empty pockets” is one of my absolute favorite line in Taylor’s entire discography. It draws on the metaphor explored in Tied Together with a Smile and You All Over Me- love (or, candidly, sex/sex appeal) as a currency, specifically, a something cheap- pennies, change. The subject of Suburban Legends is rich, flush with currency- worth a lot compared to the speaker who doesn’t have anything. The sensual imagery in this part (slippery plastic summer, slide, flush, magnetic) makes me think a lot about the ways sex and love can be used in a relationship, and how formative our early relationships can be. Because of the title and imagery in the whole song, I feel strongly that this is “about” teenage relationships, and I think it exists in relation to the Betty/August/Cardigan story (I’ll leave it there…).  That first verse, to me, is a really meaningful exploration of why someone, often girls, might feel pressured to forgive their partner for something that really hurts. The explanation, I think, rests on how you interpret the empty pockets metaphor. The speaker feels so little self worth compared to the subject (who is magnetic, slippery, cool) that she forgives big transgressions quickly, perhaps against her better judgement. 

The chorus is sort of mysterious to me. I understand what “I didn’t come here to make friends” means, but it’s tricky in context. For me, it evokes reality game shows like Survivor or Americas Next Top Model- the person saying the phrase is a contestant fighting for something, and willing to stab people in the back to reach the goal. (Reminds me of willow) I don’t think the song requires us to take that entire symbol literally, so in context, I think it means that whoever is saying it has no intention of being friends, they intend to be ~more than friends~ (romantic or sexual or enemies, or all of the above, idk!!) and they’re willing to play dirty to achieve that. The next line, “we were born to be suburban legends,” is perhaps the goal. Suburban legends makes me think about small time legends; high school football champions who peak in 12th grade, cutest couple in the yearbook, childhood sweethearts who get married and live happily ever after in their suburban hometown. But it also makes me think about the way Taylor immortalizes her subjects. The songs she wrote as a teenager have entered suburban folklore. Everyone knows Love Story and YBWM, even if they think they don’t! Their relationship was fated to occur, and they were born to live the story that has become legendary among suburban, normal youths. If we take the perspective of how this experience has laid a pattern in place, these lines feel relevant to later adult experiences post-fame, too. Taylor Swift is a household name, along with some people she dated. The first lines of the chorus are also pretty darn flirty, which contributes to the ick factor, for me. It’s like a pick up line, or something that is being used as a consolation prize for not committing to a real relationship; we may not be exclusive, but we were born to have this ~arrangement~ and to be suburban legends, therefore everything is fine. Makes me think of Tis The Damn Season. 

“When you hold me it holds me together” goes back to the question of why someone would forgive their ~lover~ for cheating/stepping out or hurting them, and how easy it is to start seeing your worth as tied to the other person’s actions towards you. This line is the only semi-positive thing she has to say about this person in the song. Whatever the arrangement is, for better or worse, it holds her together. “You kiss me in a way that’s gunna screw me up forever” holds soooo much weight, and is a really crystallized way to convey how important those first sexual/romantic experiences can be, and how tied to intimacy they are. That line establishes that this story fundamentally altered the speaker’s life, and started a pattern of behavior that she is grappling with however many years down the road. The element of fate feels really important. Other songs that I think tie in with this are Ms Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, Betty, That’s The Way I Loved You, Mastermind. 

The second verse makes me feel kinda ill!!!! The sensual/intimate imagery continues, but with a lot more anger, disgust, regret, and public humiliation (fantasy, diaries, ripped out, the whole school). This verse again solidly places us in high school, which could be a metaphor but I don’t think it needs to be. Even if we take the language literally, it still can apply to situations throughout the speaker’s adult life because of how impactful the early experience was. Shame, humiliation, regret, embarrassment, wanting to prove a point, feeling tossed around by fate. 

I also am really interested in the tense use of Suburban Legends. I had the fantasy (back then) that you would be (in the hypothetical future) more than a chapter in my old diaries (past reality), with the pages ripped out (ambiguous, when did she rip them out? How long did she hold out hope? What was the last straw?). Whatever happened with these two was so upsetting that the speaker has tried to violently erase the experience from her own most private history. The speaker is experiencing extreme anger in the present about something that happened in the past, which is kind of unusual in Taylor’s discography! Usually her songs explore the moment she feels something, which this also does. I think this is a reason it stayed in the vault: there’s a lot of private shame involved in this story, and also anger that it’s still impacting her all these years later. “I can still see it now” is such a strong statement that roots the speaker in the present but is sensorily placed in the past. The theme of memory is common for Taylor, but that particular phrasing makes me think about All Too Well 10MV, dear john, would’ve could’ve should’ve, and Maroon (I wake with your memory over me that’s a real fucking legacy to leave). 

The next part about “I know that you still remember” and national treasures and getting back together make me think of WANGBT and All Too Well and how the present experiences of older relationships can really force a person to reflect on what led them down that path - what was the twist of fate that caused the tragedy to occur? I’ll leave it there!

The bridge, besides being catchy as fuck, is extremely sassy and sarcastic; “i broke my own heart cuz you were TOO POLITE TO DO IT!!” This line is so interesting and it captures exactly what it’s like to be in the midst of heartbreak over someone that was hurting you - the break up is what is breaking the speaker’s heart, not the asshole’s actions themselves. “Waves crash to the shore, I dash to the door” is giving August. The rest of the bridge is exactly like how a panic attack feels - it spirals out of control and has the repetitive pulse of ruminating thoughts. It’s the moment that the past experiences combine with the present, and everything compounds. The speaker’s life is ruined, it was ruined before, it’s ruined now, the subject has all the control in this situation to ruin her life by abandoning her, but she always knew it! SHE ALWAYS KNEW IT! She knew from the first time someone called him on an unmarked number and she let it slide!!!! It’s the ultimate dramatic tragedy- the hero’s own hubris ruins their own life!!!!!! And thus, the shame cycle is born. 🤮

(to be 100% clear, while I think the song is set up as a tragedy - that is, the hero is responsible for his own downfall - I do NOT believe that Taylor is at ALL responsible for how the subject of this song treated her. She, and anyone reading/listening to this deserve to be treated better!! Healing from wounds like this is so so hard, and a lifelong practice. We heal from relational trauma when we engage in relationships that contradict the initial wounds and allow us unlearn those messages of self-hatred that were reinforced by the initial experience. I love this song because it captures the feelings of shame that are so so so common and important to acknowledge when we first set out to reflect and heal from old shit, and are maybe still engaging in relationships that don’t contradict the past experiences 💜🦋. I think this will be a huuuge theme on TTPD…. 🤍)

[bunni-v1]

Hiii! Bunni Checking in to let you all know I have not died, and very much enjoyed my break :)

I should be back to posting by Wednesday, which will be when the last part of the not clickbait series drops!

Other than that, I am happily enjoying my break. I wrote (most) of my essays, and got to spend time with my boyfriend and his family. I also got to play a lot of project sekai, genshin impact, and overwatch — only one of those was a positive experience lol. Since I sorta want to just babble on about my thoughts, I’ll talk about those games. Please feel free to talk with me about them, it really makes my day!

Project Sekai is always fun to play, though I’m not insane at the game or anything (guilty thumb player here). I was able to get all of the new event cards except for Miku and Akito. (Though I got Akito on my side account so 🫡). I’m really upset, I’m the biggest Miku fan out there and I have like no Miku cards. Still, I won’t complain about my Shizuku or the shiny new Saki I got.

Genshin Impact was… something. I have like 121 pulls saved for Furina, and I’ve still got about a month worth of saving to do. I finished act three of the story quest a while ago, and while I enjoyed it, it felt a little too monotonous at times — i think that’s the vibe they wanted though, so I won’t say it’s awful. I’ve been putting off Lyney and act four for ages though, and last night I was forced to do Lyney’s quest for that stupid coffee commission. I wasn’t feeling good at all either, I just wanted to get on and off so I was cursing out Lyney and the developers the whole time, but I liked it generally. It wasn’t anything too special, but Lyney is a cutie! As for act four, I really loved it! I won’t say too much because of spoilers, but seeing my two favorite girls on screen at the end made me so damn happy. I can’t wait to have them both.

Overwatch is probably the oddest stain on my gaming repertoire. I literally HATE fps games, but my boyfriend started playing it this summer and I wanted to have something to do with him over break so I picked it up. I’m a mercy main, if I hadn’t made that obvious before, but I play other characters. God, though, this game is miserable to play. Tanks have it the worst, but being a support main sucks too 😭 Especially Mercy, because no matter your skill level if your team is underperforming you’re almost forced to switch because she relies heavily on a competent team (this goes for everyone I guess, but as a Mercy main I feel it most on her lol). Not that big of a deal for me, but if you’re a one-trick it’s gotta suck :/ Still, I’m excited for the halloween update, I’m just tired of having to solo queue when my boyfriend is busy.

Anyway, that’s really all I’ve been doing. If you’d like to talk more about any of the games I was talking about, or anything about my interests (or YOUR interests) I would love to ❤️ I’m excited to be back soon, thank you for your patience.

[fumifooms]

HI. I loved your marchil fics and I love your lil blurbs and hcs and all you're lil thoughts on them it's beautiful and makes my heart melt. It's just seeing this lil guy and how he has all his feelings locked away in a box until marcille walks over and picks right through the lock and gets him to open up (well in a metaphorical sense-).

DAMN YOU FOR GETTING ME DEEPLY INVESTED IN THESE IDIOTS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IM GETTING CUTE AGGRESSION!!!!

I KNOWW RIGHT, I love how you described it!! There’s so much fun imagery and metaphors you can do with them… They lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship, as people say

I love their dynamic they are so romcom shaped… Speaking of romcoms I recently read Dame na watashi ni koishite kudasai/Please love me ! which has major marchil energy, I love reading it while thinking of them lmao. They banter and she infiltrates his social sphere & gets all the family gossip and also he owns a cafe and cooks her things, it’s like my coffeeshop AU but real 😭💗

People when getting into marchil:

Thank you for this ask! 🥺 It’s always really nice to hear things like these… I never know what to respond though so naturally I shall go overboard, handing out more marchil thoughts as per popular demand! Marchil nation is a tiny island I’m sorry for getting you invested, but also mwahahaha hahahA YES HAHAHA YESSS! Handing you these ramblings as apology

My motivation to write essays has been waning lately BUT I do have a big post about theories and facts on Chilchuck’s family planned, his wife and daughters plus some Chil’s dad and siblings, the whole package. On top of more marchil crumbs to post oof… Ideally I should also rework the first part of the marchil crumbs to make it more streamlined and dare I say convincing. Also fanart and fics which I hope to get around to finishing up… I def want to make more marchil content, but I honestly have no clue which idea to work on next… (I take requests and prompts btw~). I want to make more fluff but I also want to make more hurt/comfort, ahh dilemma

One idea I have that’s particularly relevant is a fic that I’d call Locks of Hair, about blonde hair and the key to his heart. I’d love touching on his attraction to blondes and how that might affect their relationship in a neat lil introspective oneshot like I like to make. LOCKS of hair? Being the KEY to his heart? I love the english language. There’s sorta this trope where if a character loves money has a liking for blondes it’s because like, the hair is "golden", and I’d find playing with that so funny too.

Another that really has my heart right now is Marcille’s mom visiting them to see her daughter and meet her new partner Chilchuck, and it throws them into a frenzy to prepare for it, Chil being entirely too stressed and dreading. And seeing them her mom’s eyes soften and she tells them they remind her of her and her late husband… The bittersweet pride mixed with anticipation at how her daughter has grown into someone who can accept loss, and is willing to throw all of herself into loving despite them not even having 20 years together ahead of them……. I think about marchil proposals and marriage a lot. Hey hey did you know that in Japan "I want to drink your miso soup every day" is a way to propose, because that’s so Dungeon Meshi. The way proposals are so meaningful with these two because it truly is like "i want to give my lifetime to you, knowing all that it entails, but I believe that it’s worth the trouble. That it’s worth it." I have so much proposal dialogue between them written up oogh they make me so emotional

You truly are a warrior for reading all I wrote about them omg, if you like these sorta convos then maybe you’d enjoy joining our dunmeshi discord! I rarely get the chance to speak with another marchil enthusiast~ We have a lot of big convos on characters and ships over there hehe, ofc no pressure though, invite link in comment just in case. I get cuteness agression over them TOOOOO I need them-shaped stress balls to squeeze in affection

-trips and falls and some of my favorite marchil moments slip out-Soulmates ❤️ (delusional)

[ghostsontelevision]

sorry the gaylor stuff is fascinating to me so i wrote a whole damn essay abt it under the cut

something i find personally really interesting about gaylor stuff is like - i see the sentiment expressed often in gaylor circles that taylor swift's queerness needs to exist to justify her art. like, if taylor swift isn't queer, why does she write so much about hidden romances? about feeling like she needs to protect her lover from the public? how come she writes about these big dramatic whirlwind affairs when in real life she just dates boring white guys?

there's a few answers:

writing about normal dating stuff isn't as fun as writing about big dramatic whirlwind affairs. yes, love can be stored in going to the grocery store together and cuddling and movie nights - but it's hard to get multiple albums worth of material out of the bliss of domestic mundanity

she is a woman in the public eye. her dating life has been heavily scrutinized by a million strangers since she was sixteen. publicly being seen with someone is in fact a big thing for her, even though she is a cishet white woman who historically has only dated cishet white guys

as much as she hypes up her work as autobiographical - she is capable of writing fiction and has done so before. to assume that every song is ripped straight from her diary seems like it's discrediting her own creativity (and, see point one)

and i think its fair to say that these themes she returns to of forbidden love and having to hide your feelings can absolutely resonate with queer audiences. yeah, i do think a lot of her songs probably hit harder if you imagine they're about a queer person. but relatability and identity are not the same thing, and i think it's important to both not assume that everyone with x identity has experienced y, but also to not assume that experiencing y means someone must have x identity.

however, there's another layer to this. if i were to tell a straight girl about my personal experiences with homophobia, and she responded by saying "i absolutely understand - my dad wouldn't let me date anyone until i was eighteen, i had to sneak boys in and out of the house" - i would understand this as well intentioned, but i might feel slighted or misunderstood by the fact that she considered society-wide discrimination equivalent to having to worry about getting in a fight with her dad. similarly, i've seen many gaylors express that taylor being an ally would make her absolutely unpalatable to them - if she's straight, that means she centered herself every time she talked about lgbt activism despite being heterosexual, that means all the lyrics about hidden relationships are actually about her public boring white boyfriends, that means she didn't ramp up her gay activism because she was planning on coming out and she just did it to promote her new album, that means there really aren't any more secrets to decode and she might actually be dating a football player. for a lot of gaylors, the gay subtext is in fact the entire reason they like taylor swift, and if she's a heterosexual woman, that means they have to find a new favorite artist

in case it's unclear: this is an outsiders perspective. i find gaylor stuff interesting in the same way i find paul is dead stuff interesting - the concept of this long running conspiracy theory surrounding celebrities is really fun for me. paul mccartney is alive, though, and taylor swift is, at least to my knowledge, heterosexual. i'm actually not really a taylor swift fan - i won't change the station if she comes on the radio, but i'm only familiar with her hits and also steadfastly believe that her being gay wouldn't outweigh the damage her jet has done to the environment. i don't have any investment in taylor's sexuality at all - if she's been secretly dating whatever woman she was most recently photographed with, ok cool. if she's actually for reals dating the football guy - cool. but i think a lot of gaylor stuff leans on starting from the assumption that she's queer and works back from that, which makes for poor theorycrafting. additionally, i think it's fuckin goofy to pretend the biggest pop star in the world would face career-ruining backlash for being gay, especially when she's made her stance on gay rights known. i can't imagine someone going "i thought the gay rights song was good and tasteful but knowing she herself is queer has ruined her for me". if she could come back from the kanye scandal, the jet thing, the dating a right-wing asshole thing - she will literally be fine, and to pretend otherwise is to ignore the plethora of other queer pop stars who are far less famous than her and still maintained their careers.

however, i do find that theory that she and harry styles committed vehicular manslaughter and had it covered up pretty funny. i will incorporate that one into my belief system.

[determinedwriter]

Whumptober 2023 Day 18: Alt Prompt 11: Panic

Ro

It’s fine. You’re fine. Ro, you’re fine.

I keep trying to tell myself this, my heart beating way too fast. Why does it have to happen on the day I turn in the essay worth half my damn grade? I’m terrified. I know it’s a good essay, but my teacher can be really strict and harsh about the small things.

I gulp as my teacher slaps my essay on my desk with a frown and a big red F covering half of the first page. “You’re lucky I don’t expel you for this, Potts.”

“W-What?” I gasp. “Sir, I worked on this for an entire month. I put a lot of effort and a ton of hours into this. Why are you giving me an F? I’ll fail this class if-”

He holds his hand up to stop me from talking. “Please, don’t embarrass yourself further in front of the class. This was clearly written by someone else. You either plagiarized it or had someone else write it for you.”

The students around me giggle.

My jaw drops. “W-Why would you think that? I swear, I wrote it all myself. Please, I-”

“Get out of my classroom if you decide to continue disrespecting me.” My teacher. Mr. Carson snaps.

My cheeks go hot and I feel my anxiety reach its peak. “I…I s-swear I…”

He points to the door. “Out. Now. Please, everyone, take note of what NOT to do and what I will NOT tolerate in my class.”

Legs shaking, I stand up and grab my essay, looking at the big red F in shame, listening to the snickering of my classmates until I’m outside and running to the bathroom to cry. I worked so hard on this paper and I’m being called a cheater. It’s not fair.

Contemplating calling my dad, I let my finger shakily hover over his contact name. “Get it together, Aurora. You’re fine...don’t freak out…it’s okay…”

The bell rings, signaling the end of the class. I need to get to my next one, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to sit through it without bursting into tears. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do now. I can’t skip, but I can’t stay.

I’ve been anxious about that essay all day. Of all the things I thought could happen, I didn’t imagine this. I’m heartbroken. Like the perfectionist I am, I have straight A’s. I’m Tony Stark’s daughter. I have to be impressive. Even if the general public doesn’t know of my parentage, I still hold myself to an impossible standard.

Looking down at my phone, I try to decide what to do. I can’t talk about my essay. I’m too scared to admit what happened. And I’m not even sure if Dad would believe my side of things. Sometimes he just…doesn’t understand.

I’m not an effortless genius like him.

Forcing myself to go to my next class, I try desperately to ignore the stares that follow me down the hall. Peter sits at the desk beside mine and smiles before noticing my demeanor. “Ro? Hey, what’s wrong?”

I struggle to keep my breathing even and normal. “Everyone thinks I’m a cheater.”

I put my essay on his desk. “I got a big fat F for cheating or not writing my paper. That’s what my teacher Mr. Carson said. I swore up and down that I didn’t cheat but he humiliated me in front of the whole class. I worked so hard, Peter.”

He frowns and looks at my essay, flipping through it. “This is really good, Ro. Maybe he thought it was so good that you couldn’t have written it yourself? I mean, that’s not a good reason to give you an F though. I’m really sorry.”

I nod. “My dad is gonna be so disappointed. I’m…I’m not like him.”

“You’re my best friend. I know how amazing you are. Your teacher is wrong. He’s just plain wrong.” Peter reassures me. “I’m sorry he doesn’t believe you.”

I exhale, deflating in my chair. “Yeah…thanks.”

The teacher from my English class walks in, making me go pale. I look at Peter. “That’s him…” Why is he even here? He doesn’t teach history.

He frowns sympathetically and grabs my hand from under the desk. “I’m sorry.”

“Hello, class.” Mr. Carson says. “I’ll be taking over for Mr. Dell today. He had a family emergency and had to leave. I’m Mr. Carson and I will be your substitute history teacher for the last class of the day.”

I gulp and he makes eye contact with me, recognition washing over his face. “Today we’ll be talking about Jacob Epstein and his famous case of plagiarism. My specialty is literature so I thought I’d bring something from history that involved what I know best. It’s a nice change of pace for you all.”

He looks at me again. “Plus, Miss Potts here knows a lot about plagiarism so it shouldn’t be a difficult assignment for her.”

My lip quivers as the students around me snicker. “Mr. Carson, I swear I-“

“In fact, why don’t we study Aurora Potts’ essay as an example?” He interrupts.

I hold back the urge to throw up, eyes darting to Peter. He squeezes my hand. “It’s okay. Ro, it’s okay. Look at me. Everything is going to be alright.”

“Mr. Parker, do you have anything you’d like to share with the class?” Mr. Carson asks him.

Peter looks surprised. “U-Uh…well, I just don’t…I don’t think you should jump to conclusions about Ro’s essay. In fact, I know how hard she worked on it. It’s not fair to give her a failing grade and tell the whole class that she plagiarized or cheated or whatever.”

God, I love Peter Parker. I’m so glad he’s by my side. I don’t have the mental strength to fight for myself right now. This day has caused too much anxiety already and I can’t take much more before I crack.

Mr. Carson slowly nods. “I see that you like to stick up for your friend here, and I’ll commend you for that. But a cheater is a cheater.”

Peter tries to rebuttal, but decides against it and holds my hand again. “I’m sorry.”

I am silent with a lump in my throat as Mr. Carson tells us to take out our notebooks, beginning to write on the board behind him.

Plagiarism Cases in Modern History: Aurora Potts

My stomach clenches and I’m almost certain I’m about to puke. Peter notices my quickened breath. “Hey. Hey, I’m here. I’m right here with you.”

I want to appreciate his words, but this is sending me over the edge. I can’t breathe. I can’t do this. I can’t take the sound of my classmates giggling and taking pictures of the whiteboard.

Unable to take it anymore, I stand up from my desk, gaining the attention of Mr. Carson. “Miss Potts, you’ll have to wait until the bell rings to be excused.”

My voice shakes as I answer. “I-I c-can’t.”

“These are the consequences of your actions and you have to get used to that before you’re out in the real world. Nobody’s gonna hold your hand, and your parents are only going to be disappointed. What would your mother and father say?”

“M-My mother…” I squeeze my eyes shut at the painful memory. “My mother is d-dead.”

His face changes slightly and I think he may tone it down a little. “Have any siblings?”

I shake my head. “N-No…”

Mr. Carson sighs. “That’s a real shame. I guess your father will just have to live with a daughter that cheats her way through life. If you were my daughter, I’d be very, very disappointed. Your dad should be too. I’m sure he will be.”

That’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I burst into tears and run out of the classroom, desperate for refuge.

I hear Peter calling after me and it only makes me more anxious. Slinging my backpack onto both shoulders, I run for the exit and don’t stop booking it until I’m home.

Peter has called me a few times now. School will be out soon enough. I feel badly for worrying him, but I just couldn’t take Mr. Carson’s cruel words.

Sobs with my face in a pillow, I find it hard to breathe and hug it instead. He’s right. My dad deserves a better kid. Someone much smarter and stronger than me.

With all of this on my mind, I sob and heave heavily, unable to catch my breath. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

“You seem to be in distress. Would you like me to notify Mr. Stark?” FRIDAY, the compound's AI assistant asks me.

I quickly shake my head. “N-N-No! No…don’t bother him.”

I sit on the floor next to my bed and find a shoebox under it. Oh yeah. I forget I had this. It’s been so long since I felt I needed it.

Opening the box, I see a razor blade and an old Polaroid of my mom. God, I miss her so much. I miss her more than anything.

Fidgeting with the razor in my hands, I contemplate using it. I’m such a disappointment. I can’t deal with all of this pain. Not anymore. Not without punishing myself for my own failures.

I slash horizontally across my wrist a few times, finding it almost comforting to see the blood trickle down. It’s what I deserve.

There’s suddenly a knock on my door and I begin to panic again. “Ro, are you okay? You’re home early.”

Dad. No, no, no. “I-I’m fine. I j-just…felt sick.”

“Can I come in?” He asks.

I shove the razor back in the box and put it back under my bed before rolling my sleeves down. “Y-Yeah.”

Dad enters my room, looking surprised at the state of me. “What’s wrong? Kid, what happened?”

Starting to cry all over again, I cover my face in embarrassment. “I’m sorry I’m such a f-failure.”

He sits on the floor beside me. “You’re not a failure.”

“B-But I…m-my e-e-essay, it…” I try to explain, anxiety getting the better of me. I hyperventilate and pull at the ends of my hair so harshly I might rip some out.

“Hey, hey, hey, stop. Ro, stop. You’re gonna hurt yourself. Take a deep breath.” Dad tries to persuade me.

I’ve already hurt myself, so there’s another disappointment to add to his list. I can’t stop myself from spiraling.

Small clumps of hair come out as I continue to pull, worrying Dad more. “Stop! Stop! Why are you doing this? Come on, look at me. You’ve gotta stop.”

His raised voice makes me crumble and he tries to grab my hands, causing me to cry out in surprise and panic. “No! No! No! Don’t touch me!”

He pries my fingers off of my hair, finally getting me to stop. He holds my hands gently as I shut my eyes tightly. “Ro, it’s alright. What’s going on, mini?”

Mini. Like Mini Stark. It’s one of my nicknames along with Tiny Stark, Micro Stark, Little Stark, etc. Anything to do with being the miniature version of my father.

But I’m not like him. I’m not strong, smart and confident. I’m just…me. “I can’t breathe.”

“Okay…alright. Look at me. Everything’s fine. You’re safe. Just look at me, okay?” He requests.

I slowly and fearfully open my eyes, looking into his. He’s kneeling in front of me now. “Good, Ro. Copy my breathing. Can you do that for me?”

I nod and he gives a small smile. “Okay. Breathe in…”

He does an exaggerated breath in. “Breathe out…”

This continues for a bit until I’m able to copy him long enough for me to calm down. I sniffle. “I’m sorry.”

Dad hugs me, tenderly cradling me in his lap as we sit on the floor. “Oh, mini…it’s alright. Can you tell me what happened today?”

I gulp nervously, clinging to him. “I got an F on my English essay. Because my teacher thinks I cheated…he thinks I plagiarized it or something. He berated me in front of my class and then he filled in for my history teacher and made an example of me there too. Everyone laughed and took pictures. Well…except for Peter. I ran out of class and he tried to chase me but I just kept running until I got home.”

He massages my hair. “I’m so, so sorry, Ro. I know you didn’t cheat. You worked really hard on it. I remember. And your teacher…I’m gonna have to have a word with him. I’m gonna fix this for you, alright?”

“It seemed like the whole school was making fun of me…laughing…gossiping.” I whimper.

“Kids are assholes.” Dad replies. “There’s always gonna be people like that and you can’t control it. You just have to believe me when I say it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong.”

“Thanks…” I mumble.

He situates himself beside me again, looking down as his hand bumps into something. “What do we have here?”

Dad pulls out the shoebox and I instantly panic. “Nothing. Nothing. It’s private. Please, it’s-“

He opens it and sees the Polaroid and razor, face darkening. “Ro…”

I’ve disappointed him for real this time, haven’t I?

Examining the blade, he lightly gasps. “There's blood on this. Fresh blood.”

Wrapping my arms around myself for comfort, I bow my head and cry. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I deserve to…I…I should be hurt.”

“Show me.” Dad mumbles softly.

I know what he means, but I hug myself tighter and hide my arms. “I don’t wanna…”

“Let me help you. Please, let me help you.” He replies.

I don’t protest as he carefully takes my arms and rolls up my sleeves, seeing the cuts on my left wrist. “Oh, baby…baby girl. It’s alright now, Ro.”

“It’ll never be alright.” I say mournfully. “I’m never gonna be as smart or as strong as you. I'm not like you…I’m hardly a Stark. I shouldn’t have this name.”

Dad helps me up and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up and we can talk.”

We go to the bathroom and he has me sit on the toilet seat while he gently cleans my cuts with a warm washcloth. He’s so tender and focused.

“I'm sorry.” I say quietly as he works.

He doesn’t look up at me. “Don’t ever be sorry. If you ever feel like doing this again, you call me. You tell me.

No matter what time it is or where I am, you’ve gotta tell me so I can help you. Can you do that for me?”

I nod. “Mmhm.”

“Good.” Dad replies. “And for the record, you’re not a disappointment. If anyone deserves the Stark name, it’s you. You’re empathetic and wise beyond your years. And incredibly smart and strong willed. You’re everything I could ever hope for, baby. I promise you that.”

Sighing, I shrug my shoulders. “Okay, Dad…”

“It’s true.” He reiterates. “You’re going to be a great woman all by yourself. You won’t even need me.”

“I’ll always need you.” I counter, almost urgently.

Dad smiles. “I’ll always need you too, kiddo.”

Applying medicine and wrapping my wrist with bandages, he kisses it softly. “There you go.”

I’ve never seen him so soft and caring. He grabs my hand and lifts me from the toilet seat, wrapping his arms around me as we stand there.

He sighs contently. “I love you endlessly, mini.”

“Love you tons.” I reply, burying my head in his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it. What do you say we order some cheeseburgers and watch something? Anything you want.” Dad offers.

I grin, wiping my eyes after all of the crying. “Yeah, okay.”

He grins back. “Let’s get downstairs. I’m starving. You go pick the movie and I’ll order us some grub.”

Nodding, I go downstairs to find what I want to watch. And I’m actually smiling.

My dad loves me endlessly. He said as much.

That gives me more comfort than anything ever will.

[maryellencarter]

Memed from this post!

1: Do you prefer writing oneshots or multi-chaptered fics? -- So funny story, almost everything I write alone is a short oneshot, but I'm the one who talked Leia into breaking up our longfics into actual chapters. She used to just drop a 20k fic in a lump and bail. Then she agreed to try chapters for one fic (it was Dutybound) and suddenly discovered that having the fic broken up that way really helps her focus during edits. So we did a bunch of rewrites ahead of our already-announced posting schedule, which I would not enjoy doing again, but it made a much better story, and now I break up our draft into chapters at the beginning of editing.

2: Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go? -- We start with a rough concept and then write the story, usually front to back. Then we break it into chapters and revise them. No outlining. Occasionally we'll have a scene or plot trajectory we're aiming towards, especially for our longer fics.

3: Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/story. -- I think I just did. We pretty much always write in RP style, with one of us doing a little bit of setup in a Gdoc and then just tagging back and forth, discussing in Discord DMs what we want to have happen if we're not sure we're on the same page. I'll do any light fixes for typos, grammar, and POV as we go, but by and large, our first draft is written straight through clean, like how Steven King describes his process. When we're really rolling on an idea, we can get a relatively solid 50k first draft in two or three months.

4: Where do you find inspiration for new ideas? -- Everywhere! New dubs or new canon drops have been a big one. Sometimes we'll come up with a sequel to one of our own pieces. Chatting with other writers and other fans about the canon is a big one. (Not in the way some commenters in megafandoms do where they drop a comment out of nowhere like "You need to write me exactly this very long detailed plot for free". More like when you're in a group chat talking about, say, ways of shipping nonhumanoid but sapient entities and then your friend surprises you with a TARDIS/Millennium Falcon flashfic. Sometimes those ideas just grab you and don't let go till you write them.)

5: Do you like constructive criticism? -- I am *very strongly* against the thing where people pop up in your comments to give unsolicited criticism, which is the usual context where I hear the phrase "constructive criticism". If I need a beta reader, I will find myself a damn beta reader. The only thing unsolicited negative comments do is make people stop writing. And let the commenter feel smug and virtuous about being a bully, I guess, which does not add to the net good of the universe.

(I, personally, at this point in my writing career, am not unconfident enough to stop writing because some idiot didn't get what I was saying -- which is how at least 99% of all unsolicited "constructive criticism" comments come across. Like the time I wrote a Yuletide sympathetic to a ditzy female character and some rando produced an absolutely massive essay on how actually female ditziness is irredeemable. I'm sure that person thought they were being "constructive" by telling me my whole fic wasn't worth writing. Luckily, the actual recipient loved it.)

A lot of other authors are a lot thinner-skinned or less confident in their writing than I am, and might actually stop if hit with "constructive criticism". Destroying someone else's creativity is an objectively evil act. Don't do it.

[bihet-dragonize]

You're so dumb if you think liking HP or AoT makes the person a terf or a fucking japanese nationalist (the staff member in question isn't even japanese??? Just how??) like first off HP was hugely popular for 20 years and ppl grew up with it of course they're gonna like it. Like? Be normal, who the fuck cares? Everyone who ever liked a Woody Allen or Roman Polanski movie is a rapist pedophile now. Everyone who ever liked a movie Johnny Depp or Amber Heard was in is an abusive spouse. You watched the movie Death on the Nile? Well it features both Gal Gadot AND Armie Hammer so you're both in favor of the death of Palestinian children AND also a cannibal fetishist sexual abuser! Watched any single movie produced by Weinstein? Ever? Oh boy! You know how many of those there are? I guess every single one of us is now a rapist! Damn :/

People don't just watch something and then get infected with the cooties of the author/director/actor's bigoted belief and suddenly become bigoted or bad people. It's literally impossible to consume only media that's 100% ideologically pure because bigots are everywhere. And what you watch/read isn't fucking activism. It does nothing for trans people whether or not someone has watched/read HP in the past (i guess we're all terfs now bc most of us have seen/read some of it damn :/) literally that doesn't matter. What matters is going out and doing real activism, but it's insane to call someone a nazi terf for reading a book/manga which was hugely popular and almost everyone ever knows of it like come on.

The way you wrote this whole essay instead of reading the multiple times trans people have literally quoted JKR in saying that supporting HP is a support in her beliefs. Also I never said having read HP makes you a terf. Ever. I've read HP and generally enjoyed it till JKR started talking on twitter and I realized the IP wasn't worth her being a dumbass.

Also you don't need to be Japanese to subscribe to Japanese nationalist ideology??? Because the base of said ideology is that nation states should be closed to maintain a cultural and ethnic hegemony at all costs?? Thus the literal ethnic cleansing at the end of the fucking story.

Like I understand you enjoy bad media and are still obsessed with mediocre shit that came out years ago, but you can't be this heated in my inbox if you don't have even a lick of political understanding and how media is used to spread ideas.

I've said this before and I guess I have to say this again because you're both spineless and stupid: the impossibility of "ideologically pure" media doesn't mean you shouldn't be discerning in what media you interact with and promote (and yes fanmade content is free promotion; y'all are clowns). JKR gained her fame and influence off of HP and it's continued relevance allows her to maintain that fame. She has used that fame to rollback the rights of trans people in the UK and has attempted the same in the US.

AoT has people spouting fascist/nationalist/antisemitic/anti-Korean ideology with no critical thought and that is by design. It's propaganda.

Just because you don't want to do the hard work of analyzing the media you consume doesn't mean I shouldn't and that I'm not gonna criticize other people like you.

Hope you have an awful day.

[papas-milferia]

tbh some of the people in the fandom are so damn weird like- Ugh so I'm not the most proud of it, obviously, as I don't post about it but I do like to sometimes look at the not safe for work side of the fandom. But I slowly feel myself stopping cuz it just doesn't worth it- like especially some of the really weird guys there, especially those that don't even tag stuff right really fucking annoys me. Also just the way how some of them absolutely disregard certain characters being minors and doing other problematic stuff. Though I do appreciate this fandom didn't like, pick these people up, and made a huge call out post and blew it out of proportion- just like, warning each other, talking about it like hey I saw this person legit comment on nsfw art of a child that's kinda gross, you should block them or like- the way how the forum handled that one guy for his stuff as well- I do enjoy this. Though it also makes it harder for newer folk because they may be approached by these guys and them not knowing- can lead to a lot. Tbh I especially have big opinions on Bea but not about to go on a spiel about that rn cuz there's so much and I already wrote a whole damn essay for you, sorry about that

YEAH NO I AGREE!!! The nsfw side of this fandom...morbidly fascinates me. And honestly if both characters are adults go nuts but some people on that side just. Don't have a filter. You can make your porn but DON'T TALK ABOUT IT IN SPACES THAT AREN'T EXPLICITLY SEXUAL? LIKE SOMEONE'S DMS WHEN THEY DIDN'T CONSENT TO THAT?

I'm glad the fandom doesn't start drama much (that might be what I'm doing here rn but. I don't particularly care tbh LOL) and just quietly spreads the news about these people. I do agree though that it SUCKS to see people unknowingly interacting with people like Bea. Block Bea everyone because I said so. This is a fascist dictatorship now

[vivavanockers-blog]

I’d be fine if you didn’t read anything I wrote because my mom wouldn’t be able to appreciate it anyway. Not unless I sat by her bed, elbows propping me up, reciting my work like a bed time story. She likes my voice and she likes the way I dance, so I don’t even really have to write. Though a few times a year when I can proofread an email or a resignation letter that she’ll never send, she realizes the utility of my proficiency in this silly language, and so do I. I like being useful. I like that understanding structure and the conventions of English can get things done. Others’ use of it have sparked movements. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s all play, or can be. But for a long time I stopped treating it that way. Writing in the English language is hard work! And it’s SERIOUS! And grammar! And punctuation! And can you organize a good essay?! What about a whole book! Take that! Pow!

Maybe that’s why I like the poets so much, even if poetry is that last form I’ve discovered. I like their vibe, their ethos, their air. They got something right about innovation at the level of the sentence. Ocean Vuong said something to the effect and he said so in a church, with wonder, and that’s what I want. To wonder, and wander, as if I were a child in an open field. A player on the court outside of practice and outside of games. A driver in my beat-up Corolla going anywhere at the end of the day long after anyone has stopped needing anything from me.

So I’m curious: Can I say anything that reminds you of wonder? And imagination? That would be pretty cool. And that would make me believe in life. That’s the cause I’m fighting for here. Cause with a small “c,” the teeniest one you ever did see, so microscopic it may not even matter. I’m not dying for it exactly because I have other things that make me believe in my life as one worth living. And I think that’s a good thing. Writing as tool not as toolbox. As a flavor, not the whole damn chocolate box.

Now that I think of it, it helps that my parents’ first language, not even their second, is the one that I speak and read and write in. There’s an arbitrariness, a luck-ness to it. My native language could have been anything so my native language can be anything, still. It makes so no sense. I might call it luck. And damn does that make my jaw drop, make me realize the largeness of the world. And what are any of us ever really doing but testing our luck? Oh, you lived another day? Here’s a job, maybe makes some money, or have coffee with a friend. And you bend to pick up a penny, the same one your now-husband was also eyeing on the sidewalk. I don’t know. The best writing is something like that: containing possibility, or rather expressing it, reminding us of it. Reminding us that some action could lead to what we might call a miracle.

[arathergrimreaper]

J*hnny D*pp is untouchable garbage, ik, but there's one older movie of his I think about a lot called Benny & Joon, where he does this Buster Keaton sort of routine and after Joon sees it, she asks, 'Did you go to school for that?' and his character responds, 'No. I was kicked out of school for that.'

This scene and the underlying, probably unintentional, meaning of it sticks with me. For context, I'm not that talented at anything no matter how many hours I dedicate to it, but I've received compliments and more than a couple wistful 'I wish I could find time to do that's from people who've seen me crochet or draw or pole dance or what-have-you. There seems to be this misunderstanding that these things are doable for me because I have a plethora of time and resources or energy others just...don't.

This could not be further from the truth.

I make time to do these things. How? By sacrificing quality and time dedicated to the things society tells me should be the ultimate priority. Example? My crochet work drastically improved after years of false starts and finally finding the right teacher (Youtube) by...taking it to certain lectures with me in college. I would sit there and work on it even if it was large and took up my whole lap rather than taking notes. I still participated in class discussion. I still took my tests and did my essays (when ADHD and perfectionism didn't prevent me from turning in boring crap nobody gave a damn about). Classmates would look at me like I was insane, but not a single professor bothered me about it because my grades and class participation were solid.

Same thing with work. My current job is...well, I need money like many of you and 'beggars can't be choosers' yadda yadda. The point is, I have a lot of downtime in between duties and assignments, most of which only have to be done on a monthly basis. So I write. Fuck, I've written nearly three books worth of words since starting here nearly two years ago. One of which I did in a month (i was going for sterilization surgery consultation and wrote up 100 reasons and elaborations why i needed this surgery, just in case). And I draw. If anyone sees me at it (my back faces the door and there's high foot traffic by our office -_-), they don't say boo to me because I get my work done (and some of theirs too, lbr) and growing up with strict parents made swapping tabs and hiding chat rooms child's play. Thank Hephaestus for Firefox and adblockers.

I'm also not close with the majority of my blood family in the emotional or geographical sense. No real obligations there. Friends? The majority of them are...well, here. I regularly talk to and interact with 2 whole people in 2 different states. Even the effort of trying to meet more isn't a priority to me even though I make shallow attempts a couple of times a year. I'm not close to any coworkers either because I never feel I can trust them due to problems with gossipy coworkers in the past and, ofc, the current climate of people playing shoot-em-up when work pushes them past their breaking point.

Make no mistake, I am taking a risk doing these things. I risk write-ups and firing and dying alone and all kinds of shit...because I'd rather be doing art. Something I am never going to be able to live off of so I have to steal time from other things to be able to do it. When I go home, I barely have the energy to cook, clean, run errands, and do some meatsuit maintenance before I have to come back the next day. There have been so many times I've fallen asleep before I could get even partway through what I planned for the night, right at my computer or next to my sketch book.

I have to snatch back the time taken from me, there is no other recourse. Lunch breaks are not enough when we even get them (in OH, employers are not legally obligated to provide those. found that shit out at a factory i used to work at where i also wrote fanfic in a notebook between machine unloading). There are zero guarantees of a better afterlife or reward for continued suffering in this life and maybe it's the neurodivergency talking, but I refuse to waste more of it than I already have pretending the things I am forced to do are inherently better or more fulfilling than the shit I want to do.

TL;DR All this is really just to say: get sneakier. STEAL time back where you can. Else you're just going to keep wishing for more time you're never going to get.

[howlinchickhowl]

Hey Howl! As someone who knows things about coffee, do you think you could make me like it? Because I now dream of going to cute little coffee shops but cups of hot water and prepackaged tea bags aren't worth it😭

Also I love seeing you round here and look forward to more of your writing💖

Arrow! Thank you for dropping by, I am so happy any time I get to be around for a little bit! I was just saying to Jessie today, I love that the world is opening back up and we are getting to go out and do our fun things and see our friends and stuff again, but I do resent that doing those things eats into my hanging out on tumblr time! I love being here and seeing all the pals and it's my favourite thing to just be here and do interactions with everyone. Thank you for facilitating me in that regard on this fine evening! Now, as for coffee. Under a cut because I wrote you a whole damn essay and I don't even know if that was a real question, so, feel free to not read any of the rest of this 😆

An interesting prospect, can I make you like coffee? Well, I don't know what you dislike about coffee so I'm not sure I'll hit a winner on the first go, but I can tell you how I came to like coffee, and the reasons I like it now. Because growing up I did not care for it.

My dad drank coffee fairly exclusively and the smell of it around the house, in the dishwasher and on our spoons and on his clothes and in the car on long trips where we'd have a flask of coffee and a flask of tea, I could not abide. And sometimes when I smell instant coffee in particular situations, my reaction to the sense memory of it is not positive.

But when I had my first boyfriend and we were doing cute things like going out to restaurants as grown ups, I started getting a double espresso with my dessert, because I thought that was a cool and sophisticated thing to do. And you know, the difference between a cup of hastily made instant Nescafe Gold Blend, and a double espresso with a half teaspoon of brown sugar stirred in enjoyed with ice cream or a brownie or a crème brulée, is so astronomical you wouldn't believe. I loved it. So for a few years I only drank coffee in restaurants, after dinner, with dessert.

And then I went to Italy on vacation with my best friend's family, and the villa we stayed in had a stovetop mokkapot, a Bialetti type thing, and I fell in love with the process of making the coffee. And that really became the thing that drew me down the coffee loving path. I'm a tea drinker, generally, 98% of the time I'm having a hot drink it is tea, tea is my fuel, my fire, my comfort. Coffee (made at home, at least) is much more of a meditative practice, I love the way it is made. I enjoy filling my little steamer and clicking the stove on and listening to it bubble through, heating milk in this little copper gravy jug I took from my uncle's house before we sold it. I love setting up the french press and then pushing the plunger and feeling the resistance and pouring from a height. I love my small ceramic coffee mugs that I would never drink tea out of (not enough tea) but that are perfect for coffee. It is soothing to me. And of course I do enjoy to buy a coffee from a place and walk around like a cool girl with my coffee cup in my hand looking busy and under caffeinated like any self-respecting lorelai gilmore fan would, but that stuff varies from place to place, and nothing compares to coffee made at home. So if you want to like coffee, I suggest first of all, don't try to like instant. I don't even know if you guys really have instant coffee? But it's not the one. Second I would suggest, if you're going to the cute little coffee shop, try it with a flavour you know you like. A Mocha? Or Hazelnut latte? Something to temper the strength of the flavour while you acquire it. And then third, if you're planning on staying at the coffee shop a while to write and do cute things, maybe don't have more than one espresso drink, as a few of those can really give you the jitters, and a small batch drip coffee if you can get it, or even a pourover is much more of a sustainable choice ✌️.

[biboyhalo]

tbf I think most people assumed dnf had a chance pre meetup because of overestimating how much they liked each other and how much they wanted to peruse that, also the fact that dream got exposed for talking to stans ( if you believe what he did or not) made a lot of people don’t see it happening anymore because it seems so obvious they aren’t interested or more interested in seeing other people, rn I don’t think either of them have even considered dnf as anything but a joke, not to say the feelings aren’t there just that’s it’s not going anywhere 😭 Idk but I feel like most people who like their close friend to that degree and it has become a joke to that extent over the years, will never really act on it because how will you ever see it as something or than a joke. I agree that it would take some out of the ordinary circumstances, or either of them changing how they think and act suddenly for dnf to ever really have a chance. I also just find it hard to see them seeing each-other as anything but a good friend, like even if it is possible they could date, I think they see each other as off limits because they are friends and it would be weird to cross that line. I think whatever they got going on will just be unresolved feelings that they never acted on, if it is even that, sad for any dnfers but it is a very common situation that most extremely close friends go through at some point, if you think that dnf not ending up together will effect you in any way, please distance yourself from them 😭 I know it’s really fucking hard to stop interacting but it’s genuinely not worth it and you’ll feel better in the long run

bro wrote a whole essay damn... like based but also i have quite more faith in them than u do shsksbsj

[hikari-ni-naritai]

Well damn.. I respect your marianne takes but thats pretty brutal.. Checked out their supports and like, C is okay, A is pretty cute! but B is really nasty weird like what??? Just straight up degrading Marianne and guilting her about it too, which to me is odd cause Hilda's usually less demeaning! I know getting people to do your work for you is kinda shitty, but most of her supports end with her balancing out a bit, or doing things back for people, but with Marianne it's only in the A support you get something resembling a connection!It's annoying, cause Marianne isn't stupid enough to not realize what Hilda is doing, especially during C and A when she almost admits she's being manipulative, I get that Marianne is a very meek person, but I dont get how she doesn't talk about it at all during the A support. They really should've left out the B support and wrote something about Marianne trying to stay away from Hilda cause she doesn't want to deal with the mind games or something? With Hilda doing some damn reflecting, which she can and does do! I feel their relationship is usually fun, but that B support is just gross! Almost everyone else she tries to manipulate like that either sees through her or calls her on it, and she sometimes admits what she's doing isn't good even if it is to try and avoid having people expect something of her, and either takes a bit more responsibility (Cyril, Mercedes, Lorenz) or tries to compense somehow (Ignatz, Annette, also Mercedes)! And usually if she manipulates "too well" she feels guilty and tries to fix it, but suddenly she's completely fine guilting Marianne into the ground. It's inconsistent! I'm not trying to change your mind about it, maybe subconsciously, sorry. It just makes me sad to see you hate the pairing that much, even if it makes hella sense cause that B support is that garbage. 3 houses' writing is. frustrating, in the worst way... On the one hand you've got great, flawed but lovable characters with interesting dynamics, but then they make Hilda, who's supposed to be a bit of a manipulative asshole with a good heart just. a manipulative scumbag with no qualms about destroying Marianne's self worth some more. Supports with Caspar or Cyril or even Byleth aren't like that! I wanna love Hilda and think, in most content, e.g. heroes or warriors or fics or art, that she and Marianne are a really cute couple that can bring the best from each other, with Marianne making Hilda take a bit more responsibility and Hilda making Marianne a bit more confident in her own worth/rights. It makes me so sad!!!! Jesus christ this is fucking essay I'm so sorry. I'm still gonna send it cause I wonder what you think and value your opinions a lot, but this can't be interesting so I get if you don't wanna fuckin bother. I wanna enjoy the pairing but that can be difficult, so I guess that's why I spewed this much text at you, sorry again 😔

im not gonna reread the supports but if you think only B is fucked up then i am worried about you anon. B might be particularly bad but they are all following the exact same plot of 'hilda convinces marianne she sucks shit and needs more practice, so she can push off all her work on her', which like. yes its manipulative and shitty and awful. but the real issue is the constant fucking 'damn marianne youre basically the worst you suck' i dont CARE about her reason, thats not something you should ever say to someone who is seriously fucking depressed.

as always though anon. i dont give a fuck which anime characters you like. youre more than welcome to toss the whole 3h script into the bin if it makes you feel comfortable liking hilda more. theres no rules and you are only binding yourself.

i am done talking about marihilda though, for the day. so i will probably not answer if you send another ask about them. dont let people on the internet dictate who you can and cant like. love u <3