#I’d like to be able to see myself in the fics I read sometimes

[dageroll]

As a transfem, I desire more transfem preg/birth content. I’ve only ever found one fic that actually did this and I can’t for the life of me find it again. You’d think with the amount of cis mpreg birth content that just disregards biology there would at least be some transfem content, but there’s barely anything. It makes me sad.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Synopsis: Tabito Karasu has been in love with you for almost as long as he can remember. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like you have any intentions of reciprocating, considering you’ve only ever seen him as a child — and, more importantly, as your best friend’s little brother.

BLLK Masterlist | Part One | Otoya Version

Pairing: Karasu x Reader

Total Word Count: 41.6k

Content Warnings: reader is older than karasu (by like two years so it’s nbd but it exists), no blue lock au, bratty baby karasu, jealous karasu, slow burn, childhood friends, i have no idea how to write kids just deal w it, karasu’s older sister is given a name (look at that word count LMAO i’m not calling her ‘karasu’s older sister’ the entire time), reader gets drunk at one point, karasu the goat of pining, yukimiya and otoya mentions ⁉️

A/N: yes this is inspired by the song “best friend’s brother” from victorious but has barely anything to do with it. yes this is probably the longest karasu fic you will ever read as of its publishing date (word count is not a typo it fr is that long). yes reader and karasu are fuck ass little kids for half of the fic. i have nothing to say for myself except that i love karasu so much and i cannot be stopped…also tumblr is an opp so i had to split this into two parts EEK i’m sorry!!

Tokyo was exactly as you remembered it. Both of your parents had been raised there, and so you had visited frequently when you were younger. You had fond memories of staying there with both sets of your grandparents before they had all, in turn, decided to move to calmer parts of the country, places which were not as frenetic and vibrant as the capital. After they had left, your family had had little reason to go back, so it had been some years since you had last made the trip, but in a way this move was just another kind of homecoming, for the chaos of the massive city was as familiar to you as the peace of your neighborhood.

“Everyone here talks like your parents,” Yayoi told you, the first day you both were able to meet up after you had moved. Your classes had not yet begun, but you were both finally unpacked and oriented in your new lives, so you had taken advantage of the last bits of free time you might have for a while to see one another. “It’s kind of funny.”

“Right?” you said. You had never fully adopted the accent of your home region, for you had been raised by a family which still spoke as if they were in Tokyo, but regardless it was strange to hear people other than your parents speaking in that way without affectation.

“Sometimes I end up saying the wrong thing and confusing people, but they figure out pretty quickly that it’s just the dialect I speak with, and then they ask for clarification if needed,” she said. “So I haven’t run into any major miscommunication problems yet, thankfully.”

“That’s good,” you said. “Are you excited to start classes?”

“Well, excited isn't exactly the word I’d use for it,” she said wryly. “Even if I’m the one who chose the subject, it’s still going to be a lot of work.”

“A ton of it,” you said, making a face. “You’re lucky, though. Your term doesn’t start for another week.”

“Well, it also ends a week later, so that doesn’t mean anything,” she said, sipping on the last few drops of her coffee — which she always ordered black, not because she liked it that way but because she was trying to keep up appearances and whatnot. “What about you?”

“I think classes and all will be a good distraction. It’ll be nice to have something to keep myself busy,” you said.

“What do you need to be distracted from?” she said.

“Just homesickness and stuff. The typical things you’d expect,” you said. She hummed sympathetically.

“I get it,” she said. “I miss my parents like crazy sometimes, especially when I need help with random stuff. The other day, I had to video call my mother so she could explain how to clean a cast iron pan.”

“You could’ve looked that up,” you said.

“Yeah, but it was nicer to hear it from her,” she said.

“Yeah,” you echoed, because it was the same for you. You often found yourself calling your parents for no reason at all, asking them stupid questions just to listen to them talk. “I’m glad to be on my own, but I do miss my mother and father a lot.”

“Anyone else?” she said.

“What do you mean?” you said.

“Just wondering,” she said. “You know, come to think of it, you were kind of late coming to your seat. Freaked your parents out beyond belief. Any reason in particular?”

“I was just talking to Tabito,” you said. “Saying bye and all.”

“Are you going to miss him?” she prodded.

“Obviously. At this point, he’s like my brother, too. Isn’t it natural to miss your siblings?” you said.

“I don’t,” she said, though she immediately burst into laughter, which somewhat contradicted the statement.

“You’re horrible,” you said. “I know you do.”

“I do,” she affirmed. “But I think it’s in a different way than you do. It’s odd, because I’m the one who’s actually related to him, but the truth is that you two have always been closer than he and I ever were.”

“Probably because I’m not a jerk like you are,” you said.

“How can you consider yourself his additional older sister when you’re so nice to him? You need to bully him a bit more to earn that distinction,” she said.

“He hears enough of it out of you,” you said.

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that,” she said, holding up her paper cup and raising it to her lips, though you knew it was empty by now. You clinked your own against hers and finished the last remnants of your drink in one gulp. “You know, Y/N, I think you’re irreplaceable at this point.”

“You, too,” you said. “I’ll never be friends with anyone the way I am with you.”

“Fuck whoever we meet in college,” she said, nodding in approval. “I’m sure they’ll be cool and all, but the two of us, we hardly even count as friends anymore. It’s like we’re something more.”

“Exactly,” you said. “I can have a million more best friends, and likely I will, but never again will I have another Yayoi Karasu.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she said.

“I wouldn’t dare,” you said. “Not for a moment.”

Your first year of college flew past in the blink of an eye. On the whole, you preferred it to high school, even though there were aspects of the past you still held dear, seeped with nostalgia as they were. You made new friends, as did Yayoi, but just like you both had predicted, none of them measured up to each other. Still, it was fun to meet people from all different regions in the country and to hear about their lives. Some of your classmates weren’t even from Japan at all, and there was another layer of fascination there, learning about the ways of other nations, the cultures and foods they were accustomed to, and teaching them about your own in exchange.

Your mid term breaks were a bit shorter than Yayoi’s, which meant you weren’t ever able to justify visiting home, but in return, you had much longer in between years, so while Yayoi was still stressing over her finals, you were already taking the train back to the station by your house, texting your parents all the while.

In your absence, your childhood room had remained untouched, the stuffed animals arranged on your bed in the exact order you preferred, the books still stacked on the shelves, your artwork and photos of you with your friends hanging on the walls where you had put them. Time felt frozen, and it was as if you had never left, as if your entire year in Tokyo had been a dream and this had always been the reality.

After eating dinner with your parents, you showered and changed into one of your father’s old shirts and a pair of sweatpants, flopping face-first onto your bed and taking a deep breath, already feeling yourself nodding off despite the fact that it wasn’t that late. Traveling always exhausted you, however, and it was all you could do to turn your lights off and crawl under the covers, plugging your phone in to charge as you drifted off.

Right when you were about to fall asleep for good, your phone’s screen blazed to life, startling you awake as it vibrated urgently. Groaning and cursing whoever was calling you, you glared at the device until you realized exactly who it was, and then your unhappiness was promptly replaced with glee as you clicked on the green answer button.

“Tabito!” you said. Although you had texted with him every now and then, you were ashamed to admit that you hadn’t spoken to him as much as you should’ve. You reasoned that he had had equal opportunity to reach out first and hadn’t, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was a feeble excuse that was only meant to deflect the blame from yourself and nothing more.

“Y/N,” he said. His voice was deeper than you remembered, and more resonant, too, lilting with a husky, full-bodied musicality that hadn’t been there when you had left. “Hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassured him. “What’s up?”

“Do you remember — sorry, this is really stupid, so don’t feel bad for saying no,” he said.

“It’s okay. I’ve definitely seen you do way stupider things,” you said. He chuckled.

“You’re probably right. Here goes, then. Um, do you remember when you went to my first soccer game in middle school, and afterwards, we agreed you wouldn’t come to another until I was the captain of a really good high school team?” he said.

“I think so, why?” you said. A second later, it hit you, and you gasped, beaming so widely that your face ached. “No way! For Bambi Osaka? Since when?”

“Yup, for Bambi Osaka. The old captain just graduated, and he named me as his replacement today, so, uh, since today, I guess,” he said.

“I wish you would’ve told me in person so you could see how much I’m smiling right now,” you said. “Congratulations, Tabito! You can’t begin to know how proud I am of you.”

“Thanks,” he said. “Anyways, our first game is this Thursday, so…”

“Huh? Did you want me to come?” you said. “Yayoi won’t be back from Tokyo by then, though. Shouldn’t I wait for her?”

“If you’d prefer that,” he said. “Or, I mean, you don’t have to go at all. I was just offering in case you were interested, but no hard feelings if not.”

Since when had he been so awkward with you? Since when had he stumbled over his words and been so unsure? You frowned at the mere chance that there was more than a physical distance between the two of you, even if it probably was the case, despite how much you had never wanted such an event to occur.

“As long as you want me, I’ll be there. I don’t have much else to do anyways, right? And how could I miss your first game as captain? Let me know where and when, and I’ll definitely come,” you said. He exhaled softly.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I want you there. I’ll let you know the details, but like I said, no pressure. Don’t force yourself. Come if you can.”

It was springtime, and the world was still remembering how to come alive, peeking out its head from the den of winter and blinking its sleepy eyes against the sun. There were not any flowers in bloom quite yet, but as far as the eye could see were buds on the precipice of rupturing, the pale undersides of their petals mere imitations of the hues they’d soon display proudly. The birds still warmed eggs in nests made of twigs and twine, but already there were cracks in a few of the creamy shells; here and there, even, little yellow beaks could be seen reaching towards the sky and chittering incessant demands at their parents.

You were lazy as you pedaled your bike down the side streets leading towards the field where the match was being held. It was an away game, technically, but this worked out better for you, as the high school they were playing at was closer to your house than the Bambi Osaka stadium, which was far enough that you would’ve needed to take a taxi.

According to Tabito, the game was actually more of a scrimmage, as they were playing a local school’s soccer club instead of another organization’s youth team, as they did in serious matches. Apparently, this was by design, as it gave their coach the opportunity to test Tabito's skills at being a captain in a low-stakes, low-pressure environment. If he proved himself incapable, the coach would override the previous captain’s pick and name another member of the team to the position, but if he played as well as he always did, and managed to coordinate the rest of the players in a satisfactory manner, then he’d be given the position permanently.

You had reminded him that this meant he technically wasn’t the captain yet, but to this he had said that he had the title and the armband, and if anything, since that was the situation, he needed you there more than ever. After all, he had explained, you had been in the audience when he had scored the winning goal in his first game for his middle school’s team. You were good luck for him. If you were in the crowd, then there was no way he could lose.

Parking your bike in the lot alongside the others, you locked it and then made your way towards the entrance to the stadium, the ticket Tabito had sent you in between your index and middle fingers. Even though there wouldn’t be very many people attending this game, it was Bambi Osaka’s policy to require tickets for entry to any of their matches, and the price if you weren’t associated with a player was, you heard, quite hefty.

You sat by yourself in the stands, your purse beside you and your legs crossed at the ankles. You couldn’t explain why, but there was a doubt in the back of your mind about whether you even belonged in the audience at all. Without Yayoi at your side, it felt like there was a neon sign in the air pointing at you and declaring you inept and unwelcome. Everyone else was buzzing with theories and predictions for the upcoming game, tossing out the names of the players and their opinions on them, but you were by yourself, without even a drink to warm your hands.

The gray of that isolation evaporated the moment that the Bambi Osaka boys took to the field, led by none other than Tabito. You were suddenly reminded that you weren’t just allowed to be there — you were wanted, genuinely wanted, and so you had as much if not more of a claim to your seat than anyone else could. Tabito had invited you. He could’ve invited anyone else in the entire city, but still he had invited you, and you would not tarnish that by thinking you were alone when he was there, as he always was.

As was to be expected, there was a complete difference to the way Tabito played when compared to that very first game of his which you had watched. For one, he was at the front of the field instead of in the middle, and there was an impertinence to the way he shook the hand of the opposing captain, an audacious smirk on his face which was visible even from the distance. This was a side of Tabito you weren’t so acquainted with, a side which was brazen and self-assured and stood as if he had already won before the referee even blew the whistle to begin.

The game moved faster than you could keep up with, and without Yayoi there to give you a play-by-play, you found yourself utterly lost about the finer details of the match. Still, even you could tell that Bambi Osaka was in the lead, and by no small margin — largely in part thanks to the combined skills of Tabito and a slender, pale-haired boy whose jersey read Hiori.

When Tabito was younger, there had been a desperate, vicious quality to his soccer, as if he really might die should he lose. It was in direct contrast to now, where he toyed with the opposite team in much the same way a cat would toy with a ball of yarn — with a distinct sense of superiority, like he was looking down on them even as he forced his way past, not giving them any other choice but to watch as he drove his way down the field.

“Is number 10 the new captain?” a boy behind you said. He sounded younger; maybe he had an older brother on one of the teams, or maybe he was just that supportive of Bambi Osaka. You didn’t turn, but you did tune into the conversation, wondering what they’d say about Tabito.

“Karasu? Yes, he is,” a slightly older boy said. “My brother said he’s a real asshole, but he’s a great guy when it counts. They’re all happy he’s the one who was recommended for the spot.”

“He’s so good,” the younger boy said. “And Hiori, as well. They’re both amazing.”

“Hiori’s only a first year, too. I bet he’s going to go far,” the older boy said. “Now shush, quit distracting me. I’m trying to watch the game.”

To no one’s surprise, Bambi Osaka won by a ridiculous amount of goals, and as Tabito shook hands with the school’s captain again, you noticed their coach nodding in approval, annotating something on his clipboard with a satisfied smile on his face. You waited until all of them had vanished into the locker rooms to head to the exit and wait by your bike for Tabito to join you.

About twenty minutes later, he and the rest of the team trickled out, discussing their game and the plans for the next one. At first it seemed like he had not noticed you, absorbed in conversation as he was, but it quickly became evident that he had, for he skillfully guided the others towards where you stood, never faltering in words nor steps until he reached you. Then he paused, schooling his expression into one of shock, his eyebrows raising and his lips parting as if he had happened upon you entirely by accident. It was an amusing bit of theatrics, albeit realistic to anyone who did not know his mannerisms as well as you did.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, all composed and airy and dispassionate, as if it were mere coincidence that the two of you had met at that moment, as if it hardly mattered to him that you were there. It might’ve fooled another person, but not once in his life had he been able to fool you, and he certainly wouldn’t start today.

He must’ve showered in the locker rooms, for his hair fell loose and silky around his face instead of styled back as it typically was, and when you hugged him — which was met a reflexive return of his arms around your body before he could even manage to yelp in surprise — you could smell the faint, pleasant scent of his soap which still clung to his skin.

“Hi,” you said, holding onto him for as long as you deemed publicly appropriate before wriggling free and smiling at him. “I think you did good. Without Yayoi, I couldn’t be sure, but to me you looked great.”

“Eh,” he said. “Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been better. But thanks.”

“Woah, Karasu,” one of his teammates said. He was a tall and burly player who reminded you vaguely of Aoyama, and he accompanied the exclamation by wrapping one arm around Tabito in a friendly headlock and using his free hand to ruffle the boy’s damp hair, leaving him to resemble a sea urchin. “You didn’t tell us you had such a beautiful girlfriend! Hello, ma’am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Get off of me,” Tabito wheezed, slapping his teammate away. “You fuckface, I’m going to kill you. Don’t try to shake her hand!”

“I’m not his girlfriend,” you said, accepting his teammate’s proffered hand. “Just best friends with his older sister. You can think of me as a stand-in for her while she’s finishing up her first year in Tokyo. My name’s Y/N, by the way.”

“Ah, you’re that Y/N!” he said.

“I believe I am? What does that mean?” you said.

“Nothing bad,” Tabito cut in. “Yayoi’s come to a few games and mentioned you, so everyone’s been wanting to meet you.”

“It’s true. I mean, a girl who refused to come to a game until and unless Karasu was made captain? We all thought you must be something intense,” his teammate said. “You seem pretty normal, though. And also super hot, if you don’t mind me mentioning.”

“Well, he’s the one who told me not to come, so if anyone’s intense, it’s him,” you said. “And, uh, thanks? I guess?”

“I mind you mentioning, so shut the hell up,” Tabito said, finally breaking free of his teammate’s hold and shoving him away from you. “Sorry about this one, Y/N. He’s incorrigible.”

His teammate laughed raucously. “My fault, my fault. Sorry, Karasu.”

“Say sorry to her,” Tabito said. “She’s the one you were bothering.”

“It’s alright,” you assured him. “Really, I don’t mind the compliment. Even if it could’ve been phrased better.”

“Anything for you, gorgeous lady,” his teammate said with a wink. “But, ah, considering I value my life and limbs, I think I’m going to head out now, as our new captain seems about a few seconds away from murdering me. See you around!”

He ran away to rejoin the rest of the Bambi Osaka boys as they all headed in their separate directions towards their homes, leaving you and Tabito alone once more. As soon as they were all gone, he sighed, that put-upon countenance he had maintained for the entirety of the conversation falling apart in an instant.

“I didn’t think he’d say all of that,” he said. “Sorry again.”

“You worry so much,” you said. “Come on, you just won another match, didn’t you? That’s cause to celebrate, so don’t look so tired and mopey.”

“I don’t look tired and mopey!” he defended. “This is just how my face is!”

“Uh-huh, sure,” you said, unlocking your bike and beginning to walk it beside you so you could keep talking to him. “I seem to remember your face being quite a bit rounder and sunnier. Now you’re all angles and doom and gloom.”

“That’s not something I can help,” he said, taking your bike from you so he could walk it instead. “Y/N, you’re being mean. I haven’t seen you in so long and now you’re acting like Yayoi.”

“You think I’m acting like Yayoi? I’m hurt,” you said. “Okay, then, you sensitive captain. How about we go get ice cream? My treat, since you got the position and all.”

“Okay,” he said. “But it’ll be my treat, not yours, because you came to my game and stayed the whole time. It was your good luck that helped me in the end.”

“Offering to pay for me? I suppose I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, so I’ll allow it this time. Anyways, I would’ve had to, because I just realized I left my wallet at home,” you said.

“Almost like you did that on purpose,” he mused, bumping your shoulder with his. “Was that your plan all along? Suggesting we get ice cream but forgetting to bring any money, so I had to cover for us both?”

“I see why your team members think you’re an asshole,” you said. “It’s a surprise, to be sure, but then again, maybe I should’ve seen it coming.”

“Who’s calling me an asshole?” he said. “How did you know that? I’m not! Whoever it is, they were making things up, because I’m — I’m super nice! Seriously, where did you hear that? Stop giggling and answer me!”

You extended your arm to run your fingers through his mussed up hair, smoothing it down as best as you could. “A magician never tells her secrets. Don’t worry about it and just tell me which flavor you’re getting.”

“The same as always, why?” he said.

“I want to decide whether I should steal some of it or not,” you said.

“You don’t have to steal it. I’ll share if you want some,” he said.

“It’s better if I’m doing something wrong. I think it adds to the flavor, or enhances it, or something,” you said. He considered this before nodding with the utmost of gravity.

“If that’s how it is, then you’re absolutely not allowed to even look at my ice cream. I’ll be, uh, super mad if you do,” he said, his glare so fearsome and dark that it skipped the realms of intimidation and landed squarely in the land of comedy.

“You’re the best,” you said.

“I do what I can,” he said. “Will you let me have some of yours?”

“Hm,” you said. “Fine, but only because I love you so much.”

He fought back a smile at that, staring directly ahead, the tendons of his hands flexing on the handlebars of your bike as you continued to walk along the empty sidewalk, the glowing sun in the distance a reminder of the many days exactly like this which you still had left to spend.

The break flew by so quickly it was almost more of a punishment than anything. About as soon as you had gotten settled back into a rhythm of spending your days with the Karasus and your evenings with your parents, it was time for you and Yayoi to return to Tokyo for your second year of college, as well as for Tabito to enter his final year of high school.

You took for granted that you would be back as soon as the first term ended, so when you boarded the train to Tokyo, you didn’t take the time to properly appreciate the place where you had grown up. The city where you had whiled away your idyllic childhood…you had considered it a guarantee that you’d return soon, so why would you linger? But a couple of weeks into your first term, you got news from your parents: your father’s job had, almost out of the blue, transferred him, and so they would be moving to nearby Kawasaki by the end of the month.

There was definitely a pro to having your parents at that distance — they were close enough that you could visit them whenever you wanted to, but far enough that you could justify not going if you were so inclined, and removed enough that your life still belonged to you and only you. Still, it was a little like having a rug pulled out from under you when you weren’t even aware you were standing on a rug in the first place; especially because you could not so much as help in the moving process, given that you were stuck at school and could make no excuse to go back home for such a long time.

The house they found in Kawasaki was in a good area, and though it was smaller than your old one, it was still airy and bright, with large windows and wooden floors and enough bedrooms that you could still have your own despite not living there full-time anymore. Your parents were actually glad for the reduced size, for it meant less emptiness, less cleaning to be done in places that never even got used or looked at.

When you went to visit during the first term break, it seemed like they really were happy there. Or perhaps they were just trying to convince you that this was for the best, that you should not be sad, but if that was so, then they shouldn’t have bothered. You were the one who had left first, who had gone to Tokyo to study and work. Of course it was more abrupt and final than you had wanted, but hadn’t this day always been looming on the horizon? Eventually, you would’ve stopped visiting so frequently, if at all. There was no reason to mourn the occurrence of an inevitability.

Besides the drama of your parents’ move, your second year was uneventful. You made even more friends than you had in your first year, and you still saw Yayoi as much as you could, although it was more difficult for the time being. Luckily, at this point you two had the kind of friendship wherein you picked up as if you had never been apart whenever you reunited, so you at least had that one constant in what sometimes felt like an ever-shifting life.

Around the time that your finals began, you received a text from Tabito, written in a formal language that was nothing like the messages full of abbreviations and emoticons that he generally sent you.

‘Hi, Y/N. I hope you’re doing well, and that your second year in university didn’t give you too much difficulty. I’m just reaching out to let you know that my graduation is next Friday. The ceremony starts at 6:30 in the evening, and I managed to reserve you a spot. The address and information is on the ticket — if you’re able to come, then I’d really appreciate it, but if not, then that’s totally okay. I just thought I should let you know.’

You stared at your phone, a sinking feeling in your stomach. No matter how much you wanted to go, you couldn’t. There were too many factors against it, and you felt horrible as you typed out your response. Any way you went about it came across as too harsh, but then again, was there even a gentle way to reject someone when they had come to you with something so important?

‘tabito!! i can’t believe you’re graduating already, wow!! i really would like to come, but i have a final that friday in the afternoon :( plus i don’t know if you heard or not but my family moved to kawasaki, so i wouldn’t really have anywhere to stay. thank you so much for inviting me though!! i’ll get yayoi to bring a cardboard cutout of me to put in my seat or something LOL. it’ll be just like the real thing!!!’

He responded almost immediately, and despite the effort he must’ve made to sound unaffected, he was obviously disappointed by the turn of events, his efforts at cheer only further highlighting that fact.

‘It’s okay, really! And thank you. Haha yes a Y/N cutout will have to be good enough then. Good luck on your final!’

The rest of the week, the unopened file from Tabito, which sat in your email inbox, tantalized you, and you found yourself obsessively checking the schedule of trains leaving Tokyo. There was one back to your hometown that would depart an hour after your exam was scheduled to end, and you refreshed it constantly, waiting to see if tickets would sell out. Once they were gone, it would give you an excuse not to buy them, but to your frustration, they never did.

You would have to run, and even then it wasn’t a guarantee you would make it, to the train or the graduation, but it was the best chance you had, and with every passing moment, it began to sound like more and more of a viable option.

On Thursday evening, when you once again checked the ticket site and noticed there were open seats, you bit your tongue to stop yourself from swearing, and then you entered your credit card information into the prompt. A minute later, you got a confirmation email, letting you know that your seat was booked for the next day. Burying your face in your hands, you inhaled deeply, vowing not to tell Tabito in case he got his hopes up for nothing. Breathing in and out through your nose once more, you straightened your back and opened up your textbook, returning to studying with a renewed vigor borne of the adrenaline rush which resulted from the impulsive decision.

If your professor found it odd that you came to the exam hall in formal clothes, with your hair done and an overnight bag over your shoulder, she did not say anything, only motioning for you to put your bag with the others and then handing you your paper.

Thankfully, you had studied through the year, and this exam was for one of your easier subjects, so it was a relative breeze. You finished with time to spare, leaving the hall with your things and walking to the train station without any worries except for what would happen once you reached your end destination.

The train ride was longer than you remembered, and by the time you were disembarking at the station closest to Tabito’s high school, it was already 6:00. You sprinted through the platform, calling out apologies as you ran into people or elbowed them out of the way, trying to get to the taxi area before anyone else could claim all of the available vehicles.

“Stop!” you shouted when the singular remaining taxi prepared to drive off to a different pick-up location. You must’ve looked a sight, chasing after a taxi by the train station, wearing a dress and heels, stumbling over your feet with your arm outstretched. “Hey, sir! Stop!”

By some miracle, he saw you through the rearview mirror and screeched to a halt. You opened the back door and dove in, scribbling down the address on a slip of paper and handing it to him, as was customary. Then, when he input the address into his GPS and accelerated onto the route, you leaned forward.

“Sir, I’ll tip you generously if you can get me there before 6:30,” you said.

“I will do my best, ma’am. Please hold on,” he said. That was all the warning you got before he stepped on the gas pedal, the car taking off at all but twice the speed of the surrounding traffic, leaving you to hold onto your seat as the scenery outside blurred into nothing but a smear of pinks and greens and browns.

He got you there at 6:27, which was too close for comfort but still earlier than should’ve been humanly possible, so you reached into your wallet and pulled out a wad of cash that was certainly more than you owed. Slapping it on the console, you mumbled out a thank you and ran off without waiting for a response, trying your best to remember the directions to the auditorium from the email Tabito had sent you.

“Do you have a ticket, miss?” the security guard waiting at the door to the auditorium said. You reached into your pocket and tried to unlock your phone; your slick fingers typed in the wrong password twice before it finally opened and you could brandish the file. He squinted at it before nodding and opening the door for you. “The ceremony has already begun, so please try not to make too much of a disturbance when you enter.”

Your shins and the balls of your feet ached from how much ground you had covered in your less-than-supportive footwear and the speed at which you had done so. Your shoulder, too, was sore under the strain of your bag, but you ignored these pains, counting down the rows and the seat numbers until you spotted the empty one that belonged to you. Squeezing past the others who had already taken their places, you collapsed in the cushioned chair, a sigh of relief escaping you when you saw that, though the ceremony was already underway, Tabito was still yet to go.

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” Yayoi said absentmindedly, for your seat was naturally beside hers. Then, like she had realized what she had said, her jaw dropped. “Y/N? I thought you couldn’t come!”

“Shh, he’s about to go,” you said. “I’ll explain later.”

If you had hesitated for even a minute at any point, you would’ve missed it, but by the grace of some universal power, you had made it into your seat right as Tabito stepped up to take his diploma. He scanned the crowd, much in the same way he did when he was playing soccer, but sadly instead of sharply, like he was aware that he was about to be disappointed yet knew he had to experience that disappointment first-hand regardless.

His eyes slid over everyone in the audience dismissively, but when they landed upon you, they paused, and though it was too far for you to see, you fancied they must’ve widened the slightest bit. Not enough for anyone else to make anything of it, but enough for you to know.

For an instant, everyone else disappeared. In that auditorium, there was only Tabito on the stage and you in the audience, his diploma slack in his grasp, your breaths still fast and uneven. And although there was a distance, and no small one at that, between you and him, it was as if you were right by his side, as if you could see every single emotion which flickered across his face. Shock. Disbelief. Wonder. Then, finally, a sheer, childish thing which could only be called joy — unabashed and whole and candid joy. He smiled in the way he only did for you, not for anyone else in the entire world, not smug and haughty but shy and sincere, and you could not help but smile as well, raising your hand and waving at him like he always did at you.

He was taken aback, but obviously delighted, and so, as the principal announced his name and read off his accomplishments while with the school, Tabito ignored the praise and the applause, focusing solely on returning your wave with one of his own.

“What are you doing here?” he said, sweeping you into a hug as soon as you had all left the auditorium and he had reunited with his family. “You said you couldn’t come!”

“I was wondering the same thing,” Yayoi said from where she was waiting at your side. “And Tabito, when you’re done showing your clearfavoritism, give me a high-five or something.”

He held onto you for a moment longer before letting go and high-fiving his sister, who was the only one that hadn’t been there for when Mr. and Mrs. Karasu, as well as Tabito and Yayoi’s grandmother, had taken teary eyed photos with him. She had instead stayed with you, telling you that you owed her an explanation and then jumping to another topic of conversation before you could give her one.

“There was a train from Tokyo which left an hour after my exam window ended,” you said. “I know you don’t like surprises, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it, so I didn’t want to tell you in advance in case things didn’t work out. As it is, I had to bribe the taxi driver to get me here from the station at highly illegal speeds, and with that, I only made it to the front of the building by 6:27. Honestly, I still can’t believe I got there before you went at all, but I’m so glad I did.”

“Me, too. You’re right that I don’t normally like surprises, but this one, I was really happy about, so it’s an exception,” Tabito said. Now that he was no longer under obligation to hang around with Yayoi, he was back at your side, playing with the zipper of your bag in fascination while you spoke.

“Me, three,” Yayoi said. “He was seriously depressed that you weren’t coming. The house was like a toxic wasteland the entire week. It’s going to be much safer and cleaner now.”

“Toxic wasteland?” you said.

“Yup, and the toxic waste himself is right next to you, so be careful,” she said.

“You’re so dramatic. It wasn’t like that,” Tabito said.

“Sure,” she said. “Yup. Totally wasn’t.”

“Why do you always do this?” he whined.

“Do what?” Yayoi said.

“Try to embarrass me whenever you can!” he said.

“Not like it’s possible for me to embarrass you in front of Y/N out of everyone. You do that all on your own, so there’s no way I can make things worse,” she said.

“Yayoi!” he snapped.

“Onto more pressing subjects,” you interjected before things could worsen. “Um. I do have a slight problem.”

“What is it?” Tabito said.

“I kind of came here on a whim, so I don’t really have anywhere to sleep, exactly,” you said. The siblings exchanged looks before Yayoi rolled her eyes and Tabito grabbed your bag from you.

“You’ll stay with us, of course,” Yayoi said.

“For as long as you want,” Tabito added. “Or as long as you can, actually. That’s better. Don’t leave until you absolutely have to.”

“We can put your bags in the car, and then we have to take pictures,” Yayoi said.

“I didn’t know you cared enough to want to commemorate my graduation,” Tabito said. Yayoi snorted.

“Nah, I just want to commemorate Y/N’s wild journey from Tokyo, and the fact that she magically got here on time. I don’t ever want to forget about that,” she said.

“I’d be offended, but actually, I’m in agreement. I can’t believe you bribed a taxi driver for me,” Tabito said.

“Ah, well, you know,” you said. “I just told him I’d tip him if he could get me there on time, and he did it.”

“You’re crazy,” he said affectionately.

“Totally,” Yayoi agreed.

“And aren’t you grateful for it?” you said, curling your fingers around his wrist and throwing the other arm around Yayoi’s shoulders, causing her to shoot you a mock-dirty look before she made herself comfortable against you.

“Yes,” Tabito said, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks when he lowered them bashfully, that same smile lighting up his face at the sensation of your fingers dancing over his veins. “I really am.”

The world was quite determined not to split you and the Karasus apart for very long. You learned that night that, along with getting into a prestigious college, Tabito had also been selected to join the Japanese U-20 soccer team. In order to balance his academics — he could’ve quit school entirely by this point if he so chose, but he was far too paranoid to not have a second option should his soccer career not take off — with the new demands of the team, he would be living in Tokyo with one of his new teammates, a boy he had never met but was supposedly named something along the lines of Eita Otoya.

His new place was somewhat close to your apartment; close was a subjective word, of course, but to you, when the weather was nice and you were in no rush to be anywhere or do anything, it was a perfectly walkable distance, and you told him you’d definitely show him and Otoya around once they were moved in and had a moment to spare for such a frivolous outing.

Between his practices and the increase in his workload, it seemed like you really might never see Tabito at all, however close you might’ve now been to him physically. Yet somehow, on a warm day at the brink of summer, he texted you asking if the offer was still on the table, and if so, could you please show him and Otoya a place to get good coffee, because the stuff they made with their Keurig machine wasn’t cutting it anymore. You laughed, responding that you’d be delighted to, and that you were free all weekend, with no qualms about dedicating a day solely to them.

Your first impression of Eita Otoya was that, next to Tabito, he had a delicate and pointed appeal to his pretty features. He was smaller than Tabito, and although there wasn’t an ounce of menace in the way he stood, all inviting and open and casual, there was a wolflike canniness to his green irises, which glimmered when he noticed you approaching.

Before Otoya could even say anything, Tabito had covered his mouth with a hand, glaring down at him in a manner which did not seem to entirely be in jest.

“No way,” he said. “Flirt with whoever else you want, but she and Yayoi are off limits.”

Otoya held his hands up in the air, his voice muffled by Tabito’s palm when he spoke. “Got it, dude. Plenty of other fish in the sea, right?”

“For you, yeah,” Tabito said. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Tabito,” you said. “And you must be Otoya? It’s nice to meet you. Tabito’s mentioned you a few times.”

“Hopefully he’s only said good things,” Otoya said, shaking your hand, careful to keep a cordial distance between you two.

“On the contrary, I’ve been led to believe you’re the devil incarnate,” you said.

“Really?” Otoya said.

“No, of course not. He’s only ever spoken highly of you. I was just joking,” you said.

“That’s a relief,” Otoya said. “It’d be awkward if you had a bad impression of me before we’d even met.”

“Did you really think I’d complain about you to her? I’m kind of hurt,” Tabito said.

“Look, you never know! Maybe that’s how you get your aggression out,” Otoya said.

“It’s not. If I had any aggression, I’d just yell at you yourself. I definitely wouldn’t burden her with any of your hypothetical nonsense, not in a million years,” Tabito said.

“Woah, didn’t realize we had a gentleman here,” Otoya said with a snicker. “Okay, then. Thanks for not talking shit about me behind my back.”

“Anytime,” Tabito said.

“Are you two done yet?” you said. “I don’t want the place to close before we get a spot.”

“Is it nearby?” Otoya said. “As long as it’s close, it doesn’t even matter if it’s expensive. I just need something better than those shitty convenience store Keurig packets Tabito’s been getting for us.”

“That’s the best I’ve been able to bring home at the random times you text me telling me we’re out! Sorry I don’t stop by a damn café after every morning practice,” Tabito said.

“This guy,” Otoya said, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Doesn’t understand the value of a good coffee one bit.”

“Not everyone has that touch,” you whispered back with a wink. “It’s alright. I won’t let you suffer any longer; the shop I’m taking you to is only a block away, and it’s relatively inexpensive — for the city, anyways. If you don’t know that it’s there, though, it’s easy to miss, so I don’t blame you for not seeing it.”

“My hero!” Otoya said. “Lead the way.”

You had discovered the small café entirely by accident during your first year in Tokyo. It was tucked away between a laundromat and a veterinary office, far from where one would expect a shop of its nature to be located, and although there was were always a couple of patrons scattered throughout the booths and tables, it was never bustling or crowded enough to take away from the cozy atmosphere.

Tabito held the door open for you, and consequently for Otoya, who followed after and inhaled deeply, clasping his hands together in awe.

“This is amazing,” he said. “L/N, you’re like an angel sent from heaven or something. I could fall to my knees and praise you with a sonnet right now, I’m that happy.”

“If you fall to your knees or do anything similarly stupid in front of her, I’ll show you why I made the U-20 team,” Tabito said, raising his leg in the air like he was threatening to kick Otoya.

“He was just joking around, Tabito, it’s not a big deal,” you said. Then, to Otoya: “You’re pretty funny, you know.”

“Thanks,” he said with a grin. “I try my best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“Mostly it doesn’t,” Tabito muttered under his breath. “Tell me your order, Y/N, and I’ll get it for you.”

“Oh, thanks!” you said, listing off your favorites from the cafe’s menu for him. He wrote it down on his phone, lines of concentration etched into his brow as he painstakingly typed out the entire order before showing it to you to confirm that it was correct.

“Can you get me their seasonal drink?” Otoya said, sliding into the seat across from you and peering up at Tabito, who was entirely unamused by the act. “That floral-type latte. It sounds sick.”

“Get it yourself,” Tabito said.

“Why? You’re going to be up there, so just order and let me get to know dear Miss L/N here,” Otoya said. Tabito seemed conflicted, but you nodded reassuringly at him.

“Fine, but you — you know the deal,” he said, brandishing his pointer finger at Otoya. “Don’t you dare mess with her.”

“You got it,” Otoya said with a double-thumbs-up.

“I’m sorry. He’s always been like that, but he really does mean well,” you said, gazing after Tabito once he had stomped away to the counter.

“Been like what?” Otoya said. “An asshole? Ah, but I’m only saying it affectionately, so please don’t tell him I called him that, or else you’ll cause problems where there aren’t any.”

“He’s sweet at heart,” you said. “I know how he can seem to other people, especially at first, but I met him when he was four years old, so I guess I never really saw that side of him. He’s never been anything but kind to me. I guess that’s all I’m trying to say.”

“You’ve known Karasu for that long?” Otoya said.

“Yup. Like I said, I’m not denying that he’s abrasive most of the time, but he’s only being so protective because he cares about his sister and I so very much. Please don’t take it personally. He’s just that type of younger sibling,” you said.

“Younger sibling?” Otoya repeated. “That’s how you see him, huh? I get it now. If that’s how things are, then I won’t butt in.”

“That’s how they are,” you said. For some reason, this caused him to laugh at you, but it was pitying and mocking and not a sound you preferred to hear from anyone — most certainly not from a person you had only just met.

“It’s always so complicated in life, huh? That’s why I never really try too hard. Problems get worse the more you think about them,” he said. It hardly counted as an explanation, but for some reason, you were sure that that was all you were going to get out of him. “Oh, shit!”

“What happened?” you said as, abruptly and without warning, he shot to his feet,

“I was supposed to work on a group presentation today,” he said, running a hand through his hair with a groan. “They just texted to confirm that we’re meeting in the library in fifteen minutes.”

“Can you make it on time?” you said. He was already typing the address of his school’s library into his GPS, and the instant it loaded, he nodded at you.

“I’ve got it, but I’m afraid I’ll have to head out right about now, or else this crazy girl in my group will kill me. Tell Karasu I’ll send him the money for my drink, and that he can enjoy it on me,” he said. “Poor guy needs it, I’m pretty sure.”

“It’ll be too sweet for him, but I’ll pass along the message, sure,” you said.

“Now, normally, this would be the part where I’d ask you for your number, but no matter how beautiful you are, I’m not willing to risk my living situation for you,” he said. “Karasu’s pretty cool, as far as roommates go. It could definitely be worse, so I’d really not like to lose him and end up with some weirdo who collects toenail clippings, just for flirting with the one girl that he declared off-limits.”

“His actual sister’s off-limits as well,” you reminded Otoya. “So that’s two.”

“He did say that, didn’t he? But you’re off-limits in a different way, and unless I want to end up like my own older sister, whose first-year roommate built a replica of the Taj Mahal from the hair she collected out of their drain, I’m going to respect that,” he said.

“That’s disgusting,” you said, too busy gagging at the mental image artwork he had just described to even question what else he was talking about. “Well, you should be off to your group project, then. I’m sure I’ll see you around, Otoya, but in case it’s not for a while, I’ll wish you luck with soccer and school now.”

“Thanks. The same to you, and I am eternally in your debt for showing me this place, so if you ever need something, let me know,” he said, scrambling hastily out of the café without bothering to push his chair back under the table.

Tabito returned a few seconds later, setting the tray of your drinks down on the table and taking his spot in the booth at your side. Handing you the cup that belonged to you, he sipped on his own and placed Otoya’s across from himself.

“Where’d Otoya go?” he said.

“He said something about working on a group project and left. Apparently, he’ll send you the money for the drink, and you’re free to do with it as you please,” you said. Tabito wrinkled his nose.

“He always gets such sweet shit. There’s no way I’m going to be able to drink that,” he said.

“That’s what I told him, but what other option is there? We can share so it isn’t wasted,” you said, taking a swig from Otoya’s flowery beverage. It wasn’t bad, and you had a little more before giving it to Tabito.

“Ugh,” he said. “Fine.”

He poked out his tongue, lapping up the tiniest droplet of coffee which lingered on the rim of the cup, and then he made a face, handing it back to you and then gulping down two mouthfuls of his own drink to wash out the taste.

“That bad?” you said.

“Tasted like shit,” he said. “I don’t know how the two of you can drink that kind of stuff regularly without gagging.”

“It’s not my favorite, but it’s not as horrible as you’re making it out to be,” you said.

“I can literally feel my arteries clogging as we speak,” he said.

“Since when did you start speaking like an old man?” you said. “What boy your age talks about his arteries clogging?”

“Firstly, I’m trying to become a professional athlete, so I have to pay careful attention to things like my health, and secondly, we’re not that far apart in age. We have to worry about the same things, like jobs and grades and clogged arteries. Concerns of that nature,” he said.

“I’m glad you feel that way, but why’d you think I was referring to people my own age when I said old man, hm?” you said, elbowing him in the ribs playfully. “For your information, I doubt any of my own classmates would care about that shit yet, either. That was a distinctly middle-aged thing of you to say.”

“That makes me older than you,” he said. “If I’m middle-aged and you’re still all youthful and whatnot, that is. How do you feel about that age gap? It’s a little racy, don’t you think?”

You gave him an incredulous look. He couldn’t even maintain his straight face for more than a second, immediately losing composure and snorting at you.

“You’re the worst,” you said.

“And you’re easy to tease,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I had to take the opportunity when it presented itself.”

“I’ll give it to you this once,” you said. “Next time, you’re not getting off so easily.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “You’re all talk. I’m not scared one bit.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so adorable,” you said. “How am I supposed to stay mad when you look like you just watched a puppy die every time Yayoi yells at you?”

He scowled at you. “You’re making that up, aren’t you? Or is that how you actually see me?”

“Hm,” you said. “Let’s finish our drinks. They don’t taste as good if they’ve sat for too long.”

Huffing in exasperation but knowing that you’d not go into more detail once you’d changed the subject, he finished off what was left of his order in one fell swoop, and then he snatched Otoya’s drink from your hands, tossing it into the trashcan before you could so much as blink.

“Aw,” you said. “I feel bad. That’s how we’re responding to Otoya’s act of goodwill?”

“Forget about his goodwill,” Tabito said. “It’s not like he did it because of how magnanimous he is or anything. He’s just a dumbass who forgot that he had prior commitments.”

“Nothing like you, of course,” you said. “You’re always on time, and you only ever order the best of drinks.”

“Exactly,” he said firmly, leaving no room for argument — not that you would’ve argued with him, even if there was any cause to. Your father had always told you that generally, it was better to lose an argument than a loved one, and since the notion of losing Tabito was akin to a spear being driven into your heart, you did your best to avoid the chance of that frightful outcome ever occurring at all.

A few days before the end of the winter term, Yayoi called you in a flurrying panic. When you picked up, you were expecting her to be asking about the plans you had made for the road trip you two were taking, but it was nothing of the sort. Indeed, the first words out of her mouth were ones you had never once heard from her, and you almost dropped your phone the moment she said them.

“Y/N, I need your help. There’s this guy—”

“What?” you said. “Since when? What’s his name? Where did you meet him, and how? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Is he handsome?”

“Oh my god, one question at a time!” she said. “Yes, he’s super handsome — actually, he’s a model, so it’s kind of a prerequisite. I’m telling you as it happens, so don’t think I’m keeping things from you! His name is Kenyu Yukimiya; he plays for the U-20 team with Tabito, and I met him when I went to one of their practices because I was bored. We spoke once, but I don’t think he remembers I exist, and even if he does, he probably considers me as nothing more than his teammate’s older sister.”

“Wait, U-20? Is he younger than us?” you said.

“Yes, he’s in Tabito’s year, though a couple of months older than him,” she said. “Do you think it’s weird? Oh, it’s totally weird, isn’t it? I’m a creep! I’m a stupid, ugly creep! Lock me away or turn me into the police or something!”

You cut her wailing off with a snicker. “Yayoi, relax. It’s not that weird, and I mean that honestly. It’s hardly even a two year difference, right? My own parents have a bigger age gap, and besides, you both are in pretty similar spots in life, so it shouldn’t be a problem, especially if he’s mature.”

“He seemed mature,” she said contemplatively. “He was super polite and kind when I spoke to him. Plus, unlike my stupid brother, he actually enjoys talking about the same things I do.”

“There you go, then,” you said. “You’re worrying for nothing. The only reason why anyone might say anything is because you’re older than him, but who cares about that? It’s a tired concept, the whole notion of the woman needing to be younger or smaller than her male partner or whatever. As long as he’s single and into you, I’d say you’re in the clear.”

“That’s what I actually called you to talk about!” Yayoi said. “You’ve had a boyfriend, so you know a little more than I do about this kind of thing. How am I supposed to get him to ask me out?”

“Just so you know, having had one boyfriend back in high school doesn’t exactly qualify me to give you advice,” you said. “Also, you can’t really get someone to ask you out. Why don’t you just go to another one of their practices and talk to him again once they’re done? If the conversation is flowing well, then you can ask him out yourself.”

“Um, that would be a great idea if I was brave enough to ask someone out,” she said. “Unfortunately, I definitely am not.”

“You don’t have to be all official and serious about it,” you said. “Don’t say you want to date or anything — ask him if he wants to hang out to continue the conversation at a later time, and then give him your number. That’s all. If he’s interested, he’ll call or text you to make plans, and if he’s not, then he won’t.”

“It’s that simple?” she said.

“I think it is,” you said. “I wouldn’t know from personal experience. Aoyama just asked me out. I never had to do anything.”

“Not all of us can be that lucky!” she said.

“Yeah, I get it. But I have confidence that you can pull it off! It’ll go great, and then you’ll actually be dating a model in Tokyo like you always said you would,” you said.

“Okay…” she said hesitantly. “Y/N?”

“Yayoi?” you said.

“Canyoucometothepracticewithme?” she said, all in one unintelligible breath. You furrowed your brow.

“Could you repeat that?” you said.

“Can you come to the practice with me?” she said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do it without you pressuring me a bit.”

“Sure, why not?” you said. “Is it in the morning or evening?”

“They have evening practices on Tuesdays. I was thinking we could go to one of those? That’s what I did last time, so it’s an established thing, and anyways I don’t think I could wake up early enough to go to a morning practice,” she said.

“Okay, good, because I was kind of scared I’d have to be up before the sun. I’d do it for you, and in a heartbeat, but I wouldn’t exactly be happy about it,” you said.

“I wouldn’t, either,” she said. “This Tuesday, then? We can have an early dinner or late snack together before heading over.”

“I won’t miss it,” you promised. “Make sure you wear something nice!”

After your Tuesday classes and errands were completed, you met Yayoi at a restaurant you both liked so that you could quickly eat before leaving for the practice. She was nervous the entire way, twirling the ends of her hair around her finger, straightening her already-perfect clothes, and chewing on her lower lip.

“Hey,” you said as the two of you entered the stadium and sat on the first row of benches. “Don’t stress out. If he’s an asshole, we’ll sic Tabito on him. I bet he could beat your crush in a fight, easily.”

“I don’t know,” Yayoi groaned. “Yukimiya’s super tall, and he looks pretty built, too. I think my baby brother might be outmatched.”

“No way,” you said loyally. “I’d bet on him over anyone.”

She glanced at you out of the corner of her eye. “I wish I could have the same faith in him, but considering what a dumbass he typically is, I can’t say I can muster it up. Look, that’s Yukimiya. Still think Tabito’s got it in the bag?”

Discreetly, she pointed out a boy with wavy chestnut hair and an admittedly powerful build. He stood next to Otoya, which only threw it into further relief just how muscular and tall he was. Yayoi hadn’t been lying about that, and neither had she made up how good-looking he was; you could tell just from that first glance that he was heartbreakingly handsome.

“Well,” you said, realizing that maybe you had been a bit overconfident in Tabito’s abilities. But you were too stubborn to change your answer now, and besides, you believed in him no matter what, so you only shrugged. “Yes. Even if it looked like he’d lose for sure, I’d still pick him. There just isn’t anyone else I’d ever choose.”

“Damn,” Yayoi said. “Fine, then. If Yukimiya ends up being an asshole, we’ll see who wins.”

“Deal,” you said. “Although, hopefully it doesn’t come to that.”

“Hopefully,” she agreed.

The practice was long, dragging on past sunset, the field’s lights turning on to ward away the darkness as the moon crept higher into the sky. Yayoi, who had confessed that she hadn’t slept well the previous night, slumped against you and passed out almost immediately, and you busied yourself with a pattern of checking your phone and watching moths fly fruitlessly into the massive lamps.

Finally, the coach blew the whistle to signify the end of the practice, and as the players exited the field, walking past where you were conveniently seated, right by the joint entrance-exit, you shook Yayoi.

“There’s no way you’re in this deep of a sleep,” you hissed at her unmoving form.

“Y/N?” It was not Yayoi but someone else who said your name; namely, Tabito, who had paused in front of you and Yayoi to gaze at you questioningly. “Why are you at my practice?”

“Not now, Tabito,” you said dismissively. Noticing that Otoya and, more importantly, Yukimiya, flanked him, you doubled down on your efforts to wake Yayoi, who remained unresponsive. “You bitch. I bet you’re just pretending to sleep so you don’t have to go through with the plan.”

“Hey, L/N! It’s been a bit,” Otoya said. “I’ve been visiting the place you showed us almost daily. It’s wicked good. You’re the best for bringing us there.”

“Hi, Otoya,” you said. “Sure, anytime. I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Yayoi, if you won’t get up, I’ll just do it myself.”

Without waiting for her to respond, you stood up and bowed slightly at Yukimiya, who seemed entirely bemused by your odd actions. He glanced at both Otoya and Tabito for help, but neither of them had any clue what you were doing, either, so they could offer no assistance to him on that front.

“It’s nice to meet you. I hear your name is Kenyu Yukimiya?” you said.

“Yes, that’s correct,” he said. He had a pretty manner of speech, proper and refined, each word spoken with careful control. “Who might you be?”

“Y/N L/N, but that’s unimportant,” you said. “That’s Yayoi Karasu. She’s Tabito’s barely-older sister. You should talk to her.”

“Y/N!” Yayoi screeched, shooting up to a sitting position. “Why would you phrase it like that?”

“What is going on here?” Tabito said. Otoya shrugged, clearly lost as well.

“So you were faking it the entire time! Never in my life have I met a bigger coward,” you said, clicking your tongue in disappointment.

“Yayoi Karasu?” Yukimiya said. “Oh, I know you! You were here last week, right? We talked about Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

“That’s right! You, uh, remembered that?” Yayoi said. He beamed at her.

“How could I not? The movie is one of my favorites, and none of these guys like it, so it was great to meet someone else who’s seen it so many times,” Yukimiya said.

“Y/N,” Tabito whispered, sidling over to you, the tip of his sharp nose brushing against the shell of your ear. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

“Depends,” you whispered back. “If you think this is your sister having a crush on your soccer teammate, then yeah, it is. Otherwise, no.”

“That’s gross,” Tabito said, horror twisting his features. “Yayoi and Yuki? No way. You have to be joking.”

“Why not? Because he’s younger than her? It’s only two years. That’s nothing,” you said. “You should be more supportive.”

“No,” he said, a peculiar edge to his voice. “No, I don’t — I don’t care about that part. I thought you might, but I don’t at all.”

“Huh? Why would I?” you said. “If they’re both interested in each other, and they make each other happy, that’s all that matters. We’re adults, so a few years here and there is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.”

“What about you? Would you ever do it?” he said, breathless and impatient, clenching the hem of your shirt in one fist.

“Date someone younger than me? I’m not sure. I’ve never really considered it; you’re the only one younger than me that I regularly interact with, and, well, you know. There’s a special consideration there. Why? Got a teammate you want to set me up with or something?” you said.

“Absolutely not,” he said, stepping away from you and scowling. “I’d never ever ever let one of those mediocre fucking idiots anywhere near you.”

“Just a hypothetical question, then? I suppose there’s no harm in that kind of thing every now and again. Was my response alright?” you said.

“How am I supposed to answer that?” he said tiredly. “It’s what you think, so obviously it’s fine. I should go now. I don’t want to keep Otoya waiting; he’ll get pissy and annoying if I do.”

“Oh, okay. Bye, Tabito! Let me know if you’re free sometime. I feel like I never see you, even though we’re all but neighbors. We should do something,” you said. The strange tone of the conversation had left you reeling, and you scrambled for something that would make it better, would chase away the anxiety constricting your lungs like a vice.

“I’ll let you know,” he said. It was a dull attempt at sounding excited, and for a brief, striking instant, you wanted to reach out and beg him to wait one second more. You wanted to apologize, though you knew not what you had even done. You wanted him to stay until he smiled at you again, the way he usually did, and then you wanted to — you wanted to — you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure what you would do after that, but you would do something, hold his hand or embrace him or something.

Yet instead, you did nothing, watching as he rejoined Otoya and entered the locker room without a backwards glance, leaving you standing by yourself in the bleachers, your heart hammering in your chest like a crow with clipped wings, thrashing against the bars of its steel cage in a futile attempt to escape.

“Can you believe it?” Yayoi said later. “He asked me out first! I didn’t even have to do anything!”

“Congratulations,” you said, as genuinely as you could. “I’m really happy for you, Yayoi. Fingers crossed that it all works out well. I’m sure it will; he seems like a really great guy, and you both were talking for a while, so you’re clearly compatible.”

“Thanks, I think so too!” she said before narrowing her eyes at you. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing!” you said. She was so happy that you could not bear the thought of burdening her with your problems, especially when they weren’t even problems in the first place. Yayoi was having none of it, though, frowning at you.

“You can tell me,” she said. You shook your head, so she poked you in the forehead. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

She punctuated each utterance of the refrain with another poke, until finally you batted her hand away in exasperation “It really is nothing. I just think I did something to upset Tabito — don’t ask me what, because I don’t know — and it’s making me feel a bit out of sorts.”

“He’ll get over it. Why’re you worried? This isn’t unusual. He’s mad at me half of the time. If I felt out of sorts every time he threw a tantrum about something, I’d never feel in sorts,” she said.

“But he hardly ever gets mad at me,” you said.

“Right,” she said, her eyes glimmering. “I forgot the two of you were like that. Hm. I still think you shouldn’t worry too much. If he’s actually mad, which I honestly doubt, then he’ll get over it quickly enough. He’s not capable of staying angry at you for any length of time.”

“If you say so,” you said. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. We need to celebrate you finally saying yes to a guy that asked you out!”

Yayoi blushed but nodded. “Should we go for drinks?”

“It is a Tuesday,” you reminded her.

“Is that a no?” she said.

“It’s a yes,” you said.

“I knew I loved you for a reason,” she said.

“Just for that, you’re covering the tab,” you said. She winked at you.

“Already planning on it!”

The end of your time at university came almost as soon as the beginning had. It was bizarre, walking out of the familiar exam hall for the final time — you knew you had passed, and you already had a job lined up for you in a month’s time, so there wasn’t any cause to worry, and indeed you did not. You only felt odd and light, as if you were floating through the streets of Tokyo, ephemeral like an aluminum wrapper bouncing down the pavement in the wind.

Neither Yayoi nor Tabito could attend your graduation ceremony which was held that Friday; Yayoi had fallen deathly ill, so you had enlisted Yukimiya in keeping her at home, lest she sneak out and kill herself by trying to support you, and as for Tabito, he happened to have a final exam held at exactly the time of the ceremony, which meant he was automatically excluded from attending.

Your parents, as well as both sets of your grandparents, were in the audience, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t help yourself from searching for the Karasus, for Tabito in particular, but no matter how hard you searched, it didn’t matter. They weren’t there. He wasn’t there.

When the president of your college, a portly woman with pin-curled hair and red lipstick, handed you your degree, you were hesitant in taking it. Your smile plastered on, you stared towards the door as your fingers inched towards the fancy paper. Any moment now. He’d burst through the door the way you had, and he’d see you, and he’d smile and then wave — it was like a tradition at this point, wasn’t it? It had to happen. He had to come. You knew he wouldn’t, but you couldn’t stop a foolish anticipation from brewing in you as you waited.

Your hands reached the certificate. You held it in front of you as the cameras went off, finally turning away from the door and grinning wider, resolving not to let it ruin your mood. After all, you had worked so hard to achieve this. Why did it matter who was in the audience? It could be an audience of none, and you’d still be happy. You’d still be proud, for no other reason than because you had done it, because all of your hours of studying and classes and homework had finally paid off.

You ate dinner with your family, and then you were invited to go out to a nearby bar by a few of your college friends. Seeing your parents and grandparents to the train station, you rushed back to your apartment to get ready for the night, entirely ready to let loose after what felt like several years’ worth of burdens had just been knocked from your shoulders.

The bar was packed with students from your school, all of whom had had much the same idea as you and your friends. The bartenders were rushing back and forth, sliding drinks out with as much speed as was humanly possible, and before long you were sipping on something fizzy and fruity that one of your friends had handed you.

At some point, one of your classmates, a boy who you had never known particularly well but recognized for his distinctive voice, which could be heard from all corners of the city when he got to bragging about his father’s salary, announced that the rest of the night’s drinks were on him. If you were his father, you’d be furious at the offer, but as you weren’t his father, you took advantage of it with impudence, downing glass after glass of whatever the bartender gave you.

Soon enough, the music and lighting, which you had found so charming and delightful earlier, began to pound at your head. The world spun, not unpleasantly but still in a disorienting manner, and you stumbled towards the door, pulling out your phone and singing to yourself as you decided who you wanted to call.

The cool air of the night was refreshing against your face, and you leaned against the brick wall of the establishment as you squinted at the blinding light of your phone’s screen. You could barely make out the dark characters which stood out on the white background, and eventually you gave up, switching to the keypad and using muscle memory to type in the number your fingers had long ago memorized.

He didn’t pick up until the last ring, and his voice was groggy when he spoke. In the back of your mind, you felt guilty, for you recognized that he must’ve been sleeping, but for the most part you were far too elated to hear him speaking, so you could not bring yourself to be too sorry.

“Hello? Y/N?”

“Tabito,” you said, your words slurring together, dragging out at the ends and trailing into soft breaths. “Tabito, you didn’t come to my graduation.”

He sounded a lot more alert when he spoke next, but he did not change the volume of his voice from that low murmur any. “I told you I couldn’t. I had an exam, remember?”

You sniffed, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it,” he said. “You know I would’ve been there if I could’ve.”

“Can you come now?” you said, your lower lip trembling.

“Come where?” he said. There was a muffled sound that you assumed was him rolling out of his bed, and then the soft padding noise of his footsteps.

“The bar,” you said. At this point, irrational tears were welling in your eyes. You weren’t even sad, but you couldn’t stop them from rolling down your cheeks, leaving scalding trails in their wake.

“Are you out with your friends? Why do you want me there? Aren’t you celebrating?” he said.

“I don’t know,” you said, and then you were hiccuping as you cried in earnest. “I don’t know, Tabito, I just want you to be here.”

“Okay, okay,” he soothed you. “I just left my apartment. Is it the bar you and Yayoi like to go to? The one by the grocery store?”

“Yes,” you said.

“I’ll be there in a couple of minutes, and then we can decide what to do from there. Does that sound good?” he said.

“Mhm,” you said. “Are you going really fast? Tabito, you play soccer, right?”

“I do play soccer,” he said, sounding equal parts amused and concerned. “You come to watch my games sometimes. I like when you do that.”

“That means you must be fast,” you said. “Mega fast. Mega extra fast.”

“I’m only a little fast. Most of my teammates are faster,” he said.

“Ah,” you said. “But will you still be here super soon?”

“Yes, I’ll be there super soon,” he promised.

“Can you talk on the phone and walk at the same time?” you asked him.

“Well, I’m doing it at the moment, so yes, I’d assume so. Why do you ask?” he said.

“Isn’t that illegal?” you said.

“No, that’s for when you’re driving,” he said.

“Oh,” you said. “You don’t do that, do you?”

“I take the train or walk most places, so I don’t even have the opportunity to,” he said.

“But if you had to drive, you wouldn’t, right? Right, right?” you said.

“Right,” he said. “I’m just around the corner, so I’m going to hang up. Are you outside?”

“Next to the door,” you said.

“Don’t move,” he instructed you, and then he ended the call.

Before you could begin to wail about the abandonment, he was rounding the corner, looking so haphazard that, had you any more presence of mind, you’d have made fun of him for it. His hair stuck up in every which direction, like it had when he was younger and didn’t know how to style it, and he wore nothing but a random t-shirt thrown over a pair of plaid pajama pants, his feet shoved into the black Crocs that Yayoi had bought him as a gag gift last Christmas.

“Y/N! There you are,” he said, his shoulders slumping in relief as he pulled you into his arms. “Look, I’m with you now. Are you happy?”

You giggled. The world still rotated on an unidentifiable axis, but the firmness of Tabito’s grip had a kind of stabilizing effect, holding you in place and together and in one piece.

“Hi, baby,” you said. “Yes. So happy.”

“Baby?” he repeated, and based on the way his skin warmed, he must’ve been blushing.

“Look,” you said, reaching up so that you could play with the ends of his hair. “It’s like when you were a baby. When you were just little baby Tabito. That’s when I met you, you know.”

“I see,” he said, and there was a distinct yet inexplicable despondency to the way that the corners of his eyes crinkled and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Do you want to go home now?”

“I wanna be with you,” you said.

“That’s fine,” he said, so patiently and tenderly that your head grew fuzzier and fuzzier with every word he spoke. “I’ll stay with you either way, but I think we should probably head back. How much have you had to drink?”

“Um…” you tried to recount what you had ingested, but it was all a blur. “I don’t remember.”

He rubbed the back of his hand against your cheek. “Let’s go home, then. You definitely shouldn’t have any more. Will you be alright if I go inside and tell your friends I’m taking you back?”

“Do you have to?” you said, catching his sleeve and holding it in between your hands. “Why can’t we just leave?”

“They’ll worry about you,” he said, prying your fingers off with the utmost of delicacy. “If you leave without letting them know, they might think something bad happened. I’ll explain what’s going on so they aren’t scared, and then we can head out. Does that make sense?”

“Hmm,” you said. “Only because you say so.”

He chuckled slightly. “That’s good. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You counted the seconds that he was gone, and before you reached the seventy-fifth, he was already back, his face flushed from the heat of the bar, his hair even wilder than earlier from the sweat and the humidity, a dusty footprint on his right shoe where someone must’ve accidentally stepped on him.

“I was expecting to have to convince them to let you go with me, but they were all alright with it,” he said, carefully taking your hand and leading you in the direction of the apartment.

“Sure they were,” you said, tripping over a loose stone, only avoiding face-planting because Tabito caught you with the reflexes of an athlete. “It’s because I talk about you so much.”

“Do you?” he said.

“Totally,” you said with a yawn. “All of my friends know about you and your soccer and your studies. I’m just soooo proud of you, so I mention it whenever you do something cool. Isn’t that what a normal elder-sister-figure would do?”

“Yayoi doesn’t,” he said.

“Yayoi is Yayoi,” you said.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “And it doesn’t change what I said.”

“Can you carry me?” you said when you almost stumbled and fell for the second time. “Tabito, it’s hard to walk, so can I please ride on your back the rest of the way?”

He exhaled but crouched, beckoning you forward. “If you really want.”

“Yay!” you said, leaping onto his broad back and clinging to his neck, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as he supported you while continuing to walk. “You’re so big now. When did that happen? Have you always been like this? It’s almost as if you’re nearer to being a man than a child, but that’s impossible. You’re still young, aren’t you?”

“It’s not impossible; in fact, it’s the truth,” he said. “If only you ever looked at me and saw me for who I am, you’d have realized I’ve been like this for quite a while now.”

“What do you mean?” you said, resting your chin on his shoulder, closing your eyes, allowing the rhythm of his walk to lull you into a trance.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Forget about it. We’re almost there. Are your keys in your purse?”

“Yup,” you said. “D’you want them now?”

“I’ll get them from you once we’re at the door,” he said. “Good thing you don’t have a roommate; I’m sure they’d be pissed off by you coming back so late, drunk out of your mind and with a random guy in tow.”

“You’re not a random guy,” you said, dropping the key to the complex in his waiting hand once the two of you reached the glass gate to the building. “If I had a roommate, they’d definitely know who you are. How could they not? You’re my Tabito.”

“Since when I have been your Tabito?” he said, unlocking the door and flicking your chin up playfully before returning his hand to holding up your leg. “I don’t think that I am.”

“Since always,” you said.

“Really? And does that mean you’re my Y/N?” he said, bending down so you could press the elevator button to take you to your floor.

“Yes,” you said. “For six years I did not know it, but ever since then I have been yours.”

“Well,” he said. “Is that how it is?”

“It is,” you said. He switched the lights in your apartment on and deposited you on the couch, heading to your kitchen and filling up a glass with water. Handing it to you, he sat at your side, bringing it to your lips so you could drink, not taking it away until you had drained the cup.

“Feeling better?” he said. “I’ll get you some crackers to eat.”

“Much better,” you said, chewing on the crackers while laying your head on his shoulder. “My stomach isn’t so queasy, and my vision is a lot more straight.”

“You’re talking more normally, too,” he noted. “At least, you sound a bit comprehensible. Want more water?”

“No,” you said. “I’m sleepy. Can we go to sleep now?”

“Here?” he said. “How about you change into your pajamas and wash your face first?”

“I’m too tired,” you said, yawning yet again to emphasize the point, nuzzling your face against the curve of his neck, your eyelashes crushing against his throat. “You’re so comfortable.”

“Thank you,” he said, patting you atop the head. “But you’ll feel horrible tomorrow morning if you don’t get in bed properly.”

“I’ll feel horrible either way,” you said. “I can’t do anything. We were partying for so long, and now I’m exhausted.”

“That’s true, but you’ll feel worse if you sleep here instead of in your room,” he said. “How about I help you?”

“You’ll help me?” you said.

“If you change your clothes, I’ll do everything else,” he promised, gently pushing you off of him and then standing so he could help you to your feet. “I just don’t want you to feel sick tomorrow, be all cramped up from sleeping in a weird spot, and get a break out on top of that.”

“I guess that’s fine,” you said with a dramatic exhale. “You’re so…so…what’s the word? You’re so persistent. Stubborn. Something like that.”

“People say that a lot,” he said.

“They call you an asshole a lot, too,” you said. “All of the time.”

“Yes,” he said, walking with you to your room, where your pajamas were folded at the foot of your bed. “I think I am one, at least a little bit. It’s impossible for me to be otherwise around mediocre people. I try to fix it, but it’s hard, you know.”

“I don’t think you are,” you said. “You’re the nicest person in the whole entire world. If you were an asshole, you wouldn’t treat me the way you do, but you do, which means you aren’t.”

“That’s because you’re special,” he said after a pause. “To me. And also in general.”

“What do you mean by that?” you said, but when you turned around, he had shut the door between you two, allowing you to change your clothes and him to avoid the question.

Only the thought of disappointing Tabito was enough to convince you to not collapse onto your inviting bed. Instead, you trudged towards the door, opening it and pouting at him, trying to beg with your eyes for him to allow you to go to sleep.

“Good job,” he said, ignoring your silent pleas and dragging you to the bathroom, where he sat you down on the edge of the bathtub. “Is this your makeup remover?”

He showed you the little tub of cold cream you kept next to your sink. You mumbled something generally affirmative, and he unscrewed it, kneeling beside you and massaging it onto your face, paying extra attention to your eyes, which was where most of your makeup was concentrated.

“Who taught you about all of this stuff?” you said, your eyes screwed shut as he used a clean, wet washcloth to remove the cleanser from your skin. “Do you have a secret girlfriend?”

“No girlfriends, secret or otherwise,” he said. “It’s all stuff Yayoi made me learn on pain of death. She refused to have a brother who didn’t know anything about proper skincare. It’s not like I do it all that much, but I’m aware of it thanks to her.”

“You’ve really never had a girlfriend?” you said. You supposed you had always been aware of that, but you had never really comprehended what it meant. How could it be that Tabito Karasu of all people had never even gone on a date?

“Nope,” he said. “Can I use this moisturizer on you? I’m sure you have a better routine normally, but it’ll probably be for the best if we skip steps for the sake of getting this done quickly.”

You cracked your eyes open and then nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Why?”

“Why what?” he said. The lotion was cold at first, but the circular motions of his fingers on your cheeks warmed it quickly enough that you didn’t even have time to be shocked by the temperature. It was soothing, a tingly sensation washing over you as he worked.

“Why haven’t you had a girlfriend?” you said, his fingertips gliding over your forehead.

“I guess I haven’t found the right person yet,” he said. “Or, no, that’s not it. I have found them. I found them a long time ago, but I don’t — I don’t think they wanted to be found. Not by me.”

“That can’t be true,” you said. “What kind of person wouldn’t want you? Who are you talking about, anyways?”

His thumb swiped over your lips, once and then twice, before coming to rest where they slightly parted. You waited, thinking he might move it, but he did not.

“What will it take?” he said. “For you to stop thinking of me as a child. What more can I do? Name it and I will. If it means you’ll stop thinking of me as your little brother, then I’ll do anything.”

“How else would I think of you?” you said. “You are like my—”

“Please,” he said, and it had been so very many years since you had heard him so distraught that you quieted immediately. “Please stop it. I don’t think of you like that, I don’t love you like that, so please stop it.”

Before you could respond, his mouth replaced his thumb against your own, and he was kissing you, cradling your head in his hands, his ardor winning out over his inexperience as he tried to impress upon you just how much he had wanted you, and for how long.

Unfathomably and without even realizing, you found yourself kissing him back, enjoying every demand he made of you and responding to them each in kind. Your hands wound around his neck and tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging on the silky, feathery strands, drawing a small whimper out of him as he wedged himself impossibly closer to you. Yet the sound broke you out of whatever daze you had fallen into, so, with a gasp, you ripped yourself away from him, resting your forehead at the dip of his collarbone as you tried to catch your breath.

“No,” you said. “No, I shouldn’t have — we shouldn’t have — you have to go.”

“Why not?” he said. “You said you shouldn’t have, but you did. Why do you wish you hadn’t?”

“You have to leave,” you said, and then you were crying again, soaking his shirt with your tears as the weight of what you had done began to smother you.

“Let go of me first,” he said. Your fingers, still in his hair, flexed but did not loosen. “Y/N. If you really want me to go, I’ll go, but you have to — you have to let go of me first. You have to be the one to do it.”

You wept harder, because you did not know how to let go of him, because you could not fathom doing it, but neither did you want him to let you go first. It was shameful and wrong, but the truth was that, more than anything, you wished for him to stay, to blot away your tears and lay you in your bed so you could sleep the entire night away.

Somehow, you found the strength in you to yank yourself away from him, all in one go. The moment they left him, it was as if your fingertips themselves mourned, aching to return to their rightful place, but instead of obliging, you used them to cover your eyes. Anything to avoid looking at him. Anything to avoid seeing the anguished expression that most certainly marred his features. Anything to avoid knowing that you were the one who had caused it.

You didn’t look up again until you heard the front door close, and then it was all you could do to turn off the bathroom lights and make it to your bed, crashing into the pillows and somehow managing to fall asleep.

As soon as Yayoi was feeling back to her usual self, you sent her a cryptic text essentially commanding her to meet you at your usual spot for food whenever she could. Thankfully, she recognized when you were having an actual problem versus when you just missed her, and she told you she was free that very evening, so you didn’t have to simmer in your thoughts for any longer than you already had.

“Your brother kissed me,” you said when you sat down across from her.

“Hello to you, too,” she said, closing her menu and setting it to the side. She had only even looked at it as a formality; both of you ordered the same thing every time, so opening the menu was meaningless at this point.

“Hello, Yayoi,” you said. “Tabito kissed me.”

“That’s what you wanted to talk about?” she guessed.

“Yes,” you said. “It happened the other night. I would’ve called you earlier, but you were sick, so I didn’t want to.”

“Alright. It’s a little awkward for me, considering he’s my brother and all, but I’ll set aside my biases and do my best. How do you feel right now?”

“I have no idea. How do you feel?” you said, perplexed by the lack of reaction she was displaying.

“Why would I feel anything?” she said.

“Because? Your best friend just told you that your little brother kissed her? Aren’t you mad?” you said.

“Not really,” she said. “I’m surprised it took him this long, honestly. Everyone knows he’s been in love with you for ages.”

“Everyone?” you said.

“Everyone,” she agreed. “Most of our friends, all of my family, both of your parents…he hasn’t really tried too hard to hide it. I’m pretty sure most of them think you like him, too, but I don’t want to make assumptions, which is why I’m asking you how you feel about it all.”

“How did I miss it?” you said. “I didn’t realize right up until — well, you know — that he liked me, let alone for so long.”

“Sometimes people only see what they think they see,” she said. “You thought Tabito would never like you, so that’s what you believed. But he could, and he did. Now what?”

“Now nothing!” you said. “What am I supposed to do, date him? That’s just wrong!”

“Why is it wrong?” she said. “By the way, I’m not all too invested in any particular outcome, just as long as you’re happy, so don’t think I’m trying to steer you towards any specific path. I just want you to be fully honest with yourself before you jump to making decisions about any of this.”

“Thanks,” you said. “Okay, well, first off, he’s your — you, as in my best friend — little brother.”

“Not yours, though,” she said.

“But as good as,” you said.

“I wouldn’t say so. You’ve never treated him like a sibling,” she said. “That’s not to say you don’t care about him, but it’s in a different way than a sister would.”

“He’s also younger than me,” you said.

“Yukimiya’s younger than I am, and we’re perfectly happy. Plus, you were the first to say that there weren’t any issues with that, so why’s it a problem now?” she said, raising an eyebrow at you.

“But that’s — that’s different! You met him only recently. I’ve known Tabito since we were little kids! Doesn’t that make it weird?” you said.

“People get married to their childhood friends all of the time. It’s not that unusual,” Yayoi said. “Is there anything else?”

“No, it’s just strange, that’s all!” you said. “You seriously don’t find it even a little odd?”

“I’ve had a lot longer to adjust to it than you have,” she said with a shrug, sipping on the soda she had ordered with her meal. “Let’s approach this in a different way. What about if you both were the same age, and you met later in life? In a university lecture or something. If that was the case, and he asked you out, would you say yes?”

“Absolutely,” you said without hesitation. “That was a stupid question. Who would say no? He’s smart, he’s good at pretty much everything, he’s sweet and funny and caring; additionally, from an objective standpoint, he’s incredibly attractive. I’d do everything I could to keep him if he happened to glance my way.”

“Even if he ended up being younger than you?” Yayoi said.

“Yes,” you said. “Yes, I — oh.”

She gave you a dull look. “Just so you know, that is not a sisterly way to view a guy.”

“I got that,” you said.

“Do you think maybe it’s possible that you’ve loved him too, almost the entire time?” she said. “Maybe even before you understood what it meant to love someone else? Back when sibling was the closest relationship to another kid that you, as an only child, could conceive of?”

“I guess that that — that’s definitely a possibility,” you said.

“It could be,” she said. “And then the notion of him being your ‘brother’ became so set in your mind that you couldn’t possibly think of him as anything else.”

“There’s a chance that that was what happened,” you said slowly. “But I don’t feel what I did for Aoyama when I look at Tabito. It’s something else entirely.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t love Tabito,” Yayoi said, flagging down the waiter so you could pay for your food. “It just means you didn’t love Aoyama, or didn’t love him as much. Considering which one is still in your life and which one you haven’t spoken to in years, it’s not unlikely.”

“What do I do now, then?” you said.

“What do you want to do?” she said as the two of you exited the restaurant. “I’ll be your friend no matter what. In the end, it’s up to you.”

“I don’t want to lose him,” you said, suddenly terrified. “I won’t survive if I do. Yayoi, I don’t…”

“You can’t,” she reassured you. “If you haven’t lost him yet, then I don’t think it’s possible for you to. But you know, then, right? What’s next?”

“I do,” you said, taking out your phone and picking up speed, veering in a different direction, turning over your shoulder to shout back at her. “Thank you, Yayoi!”

“Good luck!” she shouted back as you took off at a run, holding your phone up to your ear.

“Otoya,” you said breathlessly, as soon as he picked up. “Otoya, is Tabito there?”

“Uh, Y/N? Yeah, Karasu’s cooking dinner, why?” he said. “You good?”

“I’m coming over,” you said. “Make sure he doesn’t go anywhere, and buzz me in when I get there. This is me calling in that favor you owe me, so do a good fucking job at it, okay?”

“Sure, I can, but why don’t you just ask him to do it directly?” he said.

“I don’t think he’ll pick up if I call him at the moment,” you said.

“Trouble in paradise? This is why I don’t do the whole ‘commitment’ gig. Too many complications,” Otoya said with a scoff. “Fine, I’ll help you, but only because — like you said — I owe you one, and because I’m going to evacuate the apartment as soon as you get here so I’m not caught in the crossfire.”

“Thank you,” you said. “That’s perfect. You rock.”

“Yup, you got it. See you.”

The elevator took too long, so after waiting for thirty seconds, you gave up and went for the stairs, taking them two at a time until you reached the floor that Tabito and Otoya lived on. Then you knocked on the door, waiting with crossed arms until it swung open and revealed Otoya, dressed in a pair of rubber-ducky boxers and nothing more.

“Well, that’s my cue,” he said when he saw it was you.

“Where are you even going to go, dressed like that?” you said, momentarily distracted by the outfit, which was all but offensive to the eye. Otoya winked at you.

“There’s plenty of people in this complex that would welcome me dressed like this,” he said, walking out with a devilish grin. “I’ll go see one of them.”

“You have fun,” you said, unable to do anything but shake your head at the rakish response.

“I definitely will. You…do your best with Karasu. He’s been kinda down, so it’d be great if you could fix him right up again, because his pasta tastes shitty when he’s in a bad mood,” he said, saluting at you before vanishing into the closing elevator.

“Who was at the door?” Tabito said. He wore the pale green apron with white polka dots you had loaned him and never asked for back, and there was a wooden spoon in his right hand, which he used to stir a pot of sauce. “Hello? Otoya? Was it one of your exes again or something? Dude, you’ve gotta stop giving them our address, this is the third time this month that some girl has come to harass you.”

You were still for a moment, standing in the doorway, watching the muscles of his back tighten and then relax as he finished mixing the sauce, setting the spoon down on its stand and putting the lid back on the pot.

“Damn, silent treatment? Was it that bad? It’s your own fault, you dumbass,” he said. “It’s not like I tell you to bring them over. You do that all on your own, and these are the consequences you face as a result. Don’t blame me for it.”

What would you even tell him? He turned the stove to simmer, and you opened your mouth before closing it. You had no idea what to say. You had no idea what was even going on in your mind — you had left Yayoi with such an urgency that you hadn’t had the time to organize your thoughts as you would’ve liked to before such an important moment.

He turned around while untying his apron, his mouth curved into a sneer as he prepared to taunt who he must’ve thought was Otoya messing with him. Yet when he realized it was you, his face fell, as if just by standing there you had reprimanded him harshly.

“Y/N,” he said. You wondered how he could do it, how he could bear to still say your name with the same affection as always. Why hadn’t he left you? Why hadn’t he given up a long time ago? What had you ever done to be worthy of this kind of loyalty? What had you ever done to deserve a person like him?

A lump swelled in your throat, and the harder you tried to swallow it down, the more your eyesight prickled and blurred, until you could hardly see anything at all. For a second you were frozen, and then vaguely you were aware of him taking a step towards you and your inhibitions were lost entirely.

Crossing the expanse of the small kitchen and casting yourself into his embrace, you clung to his neck, crying in earnest when he held onto you as if by instinct, because the way he clutched your waist felt like coming home. He felt like coming home. He felt like butterflies in the spring and leaves in the fall and ice cream in the summer and storms in the winter and every other little thing from your life which you could only ever associate with him.

“I love you,��� you said. “I’m sorry, I love you, I love you so much I didn’t even realize it but I do now, I do, and I can finally see that I love you more than anything or anyone, Tabito, so please still love me back, please—”

“Shh,” he murmured, one of his hands moving up and down your back. “Don’t cry. There’s no reason to cry. Y/N, Y/N, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.”

“I’m sorry,” you said again. “I was such a fool. I didn’t comprehend it, any of it, because I’ve loved you since before I understood what the word love meant.”

He kissed your forehead, your cheeks, the tip of your nose, over and over until your tears abated, and only then did he speak.

“I’ve loved you for longer,” he said. “I loved you before I even knew you.”

“And do you still?” you said.

“Yes,” he said. “I couldn’t stop so quickly.”

“Don’t ever stop,” you said. “But if you do, if you must, then keep it to yourself. I want to at least imagine that you’ll keep loving me for — for a long time.

“Oh, Y/N,” he said. “You don’t have to imagine that. I’ll love you forever if you want it.”

“I do,” you said. “I do want it.”

His lips ghosted along your temple as he smiled. Then, right before they fit against your own, he murmured: “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

Though you had neither reason nor proof, you found that, wholeheartedly and fully, with all that you were, you believed him.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @stevesbipanic! They have fourteen works under the Stranger Things tag and thirteen of those works are under the Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson tag over on Archive of our Own!!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following of their works by stevesbipanic:

Stevie's Time Loop

Home For Christmas

Remember Me

The Clothes That Make Us

Boy for All Seasons

She's an amazing writer that's able to make you feel connected to the characters, especially Steve. She's able to make me both cry and laugh in the same fic which is a feat to do well. She's also an amazing friend. Stevie's Time Loop is one of my favourite as it's a really unique way of writing a timeloop with large time jumps and most loops focusing on Steve and his trauma rather than finding a solution. - anonymous

Below the cut, @stevesbipanic answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Steddie was the first ship that ever drove me to write fanfiction. I think the fact that I see myself a lot in both of them, especially Steve makes them so enjoyable to write for me. I think they’re also such moldable characters that you can write them into a lot of different stories quite easily and I love exploring their personalities and dynamics.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Soulmate AUs because I’m a sucker for true love.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Angst with a happy ending, I love making both these boys and my readers cry but also want them to be happy and in love in the end.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is such a hard question, there are so many talented writers and amazing fics, but if I had to choose one I’d have to say “The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting” by badpancake, it was one of the first time loop fics I read and really inspired my own time loop fic.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’d love to explore a fantasy AU in the future, I know many talented authors writing dragon!eddie and King Steve or knight and bard steddie and it is one of my favourite genres of fics that are outside of Hawkins.

What is your writing process like?

A mess, most of my works on Tumblr are spur of the moment ideas that will come to me and I immediately need to write them down. It’s actually the longer slower projects that are hardest for me since they require a lot more planning and editing, I really admire the authors consistently putting out those big fics.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’d say my most noticeable one is how I write dialogue, I really don’t like writing steve said eddie said etc etc. I usually write each thing said on it’s own line and it’s clear who’s speaking by what they say or how they say it, I think it breaks up the story nicely too since you feel you’re seeing the conversation rather than reading it.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

As soon as I finish writing I want people to see it, I kinda hate sometimes when I’m doing a project and have to wait for a specific time to post but the anticipation can be fun too.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Honestly, I’m most proud of my latest fic “Home for Christmas” it was the first time I’d ever participated in a bang and the project felt huge, it felt like a big achievement getting it all out in the end and it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written as a bonus.

How did you get the idea for Remember Me?

I think I’d been reading a fic where Steve got a concussion and had a bit of temporary memory loss and I just thought what if all those concussions had long lasting effects on Steve’s brain when he grew older. I’ve also experienced a love one going through long term memory loss and how hard it is to watch that.

When writing Stevie's Time Loop, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to become a whole fic! It started off as one little off hand drabble I wrote that alluded to a lot of loops surrounding the scene of Steve and Robin discussing how Robin had a bad feeling about this and just thought well what if this is like time loop deja vu.

What inspired The Clothes That Make Us?

Exploring why Steve dresses how he does and how he likes the things he does and how there’s an emotional reason behind some of the fans favourite outfits was something I wanted to explore more and this was my very first fic I wrote for ao3 so it was a bit daunting but also very exciting.

What was your favorite part to write from Boy for All Seasons?

My favourite part was definitely thinking of all the silly costumes Eddie would come up with as well as flirty Steve is so fun to write.

How do/did you feel writing The Clothes That Make Us?

I felt nervous since it was the first fic I ever wrote but excited since I felt really proud writing something that long and the feedback I got was so heartwarming.

What was the most difficult part of writing Remember Me?

Omg just getting to the end without crying so hard, after I posted it so many people messaged me about how they cried through it, just know I was writing that through tears too!

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

"Thank you for giving me a life worth remembering.” in “Remember Me” makes me want to cry everytime and really shows what we want for our favourite characters is to have a happy life however long they get.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I’ll be posting my fic in the upcoming Reverse Bang in March which is exciting and I’ve got a secret project coming up later this year that people can follow @steddielycrying.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I’d just like to thank everyone who’s supported me through writing, whether it be a random comment on a fic or my lovely mutuals that get me through hard days, this has been an amazing fandom to be apart of and I can’t wait to write more!

Thank you to our author, @stevesbipanic , and our nominator! See more of @stevesbipanic's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[notsoattractivearenti]

Goodbye, Summer (Christian Pulisic x Reader)

Song Inspo: Summer Love - One Direction (listening to the song while reading is highly recommended!)

WC: 2.7K

Warnings: cursing, angst

A/N: after a few months i finally finished this fic!!! this is my first christian angst it felt kinda strange to write one for him lol and just so y'all know i haven't been able to write angst with a happy ending so, be aware. and the start of the ‘summer love’ is a lot different than usual hopefully not too weird for your liking tho. also this wasn't proofread, sorry if this turns out to be shit. anw hope you guys enjoy and i’d love to hear your thoughts thru ask/reply/reblog 💗 apologies for any grammatical errors! feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤍

–

“Cause you were mine for the summer

Now we know it's nearly over

Feels like snow in September

But I always will remember”

—

Summer has come to an end. Well, technically summer hasn’t ended yet – but Christian had to move to Italy and this move wasn’t exactly planned but quite expected – so yeah, to me, summer is about to end. And the moment Christian hops on the plane, there goes my summer of love. It was fun while it lasted – though I wish it would never end.

Christian told me he was leaving just a few days prior. He had been back to the States two days after the end of the Premier League season and ever since we had been spending the summer together. I knew this was coming as we agreed we would only be together for the summer but I didn’t think it would be this hard.

—

I met him through a mutual friend last year when he was briefly in Florida to visit his family and friends for Christmas. I still had a boyfriend at the time – even though my relationship ended the very next day, it was already broken to begin with – so we became strictly friends and I had no intentions on dating him. Jokes on me, because I had caught feelings for him but I was so wounded by the heartbreak I wasn’t even aware of it. He did catch feelings too, though he thought I needed time to process the breakup so confessing his feelings wouldn’t be appropriate.

I didn’t want a serious relationship for a while – or so I thought – therefore I didn’t even think of dating since my last one. Christian and I would sometimes text each other, but it wasn’t a constant thing. We hadn’t really seen each other in person since because of the distance, but I watched every match he played and usually texted him to give my support before the match.

One night within the second week of May, he told me by text that he was going back to Florida for summer break and looking forward to spending the rest of the summer with me. I thought to myself: why would he spend his short break with me? I responded to him by asking why just me and not his friends and family, hoping he would say something funny and odd like he always does and instead he said something I didn’t see coming.

“Because I like you and I want to be with you.”

My heart stopped the second I saw that text. Christian… Likes me? My goodness, what an oblivious idiot I had been. I was deeply wounded by my past I didn’t see what was going on in front of me the whole time. I didn’t know what else to say and I accidentally left his text on read that night.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“I’ve freaked you out haven’t I? Fuck I’m sorry!!!” 

Oh shit. I woke up to those unread messages from Christian – I just remembered I hadn’t texted him back last night. I immediately tried to reply but as my thumbs touched the screen to type, no words came to mind. I honestly didn’t know how to react, if I tell him I’m not looking for a relationship would it hurt him?

“I…”

“Christian…”

“If you want a relationship, I don’t know if I’m the right person for you…”

I locked my phone screen right after I sent those messages. I hoped I wasn’t being too harsh to him, but being put in this position was so overwhelming and I didn’t know what else to say. I just… I wasn’t ready. And I couldn’t tell when I would be. Not to mention he lives thousands of miles away from me and I didn’t think I could handle the distance.

An hour later, I finally heard back from Christian.

“I get it and I respect that.”

“What if we just… Be together for the summer?”

“We don’t have to think about what’s gonna happen after. Just be in the moment… You and me.”

I gave that idea of his a thought – a not-so-long thought because I was assuming I didn’t have enough time. I’d admit, while I found it interesting, I couldn’t help but wonder: would it be worth it? Would someone get hurt at the end?

Before the day ended, I finally made up my mind.

“Okay. I’m in…”

“But just for the summer.”

“And only if nobody is gonna get hurt.”

—

When he arrived, I was the one who picked him up at the airport. We absolutely spent our summer together everyday – there wasn’t a day that went by without him by my side and vice versa. He invited me to spend some time with his family and friends on their boats, and I had him spending time with mine on either the beach or my family’s home.

We were well aware we only had each other for the summer, thus we made sure every moment counts no matter how little or big it might be. We knew once this summer ends it also marks the end of our time together and go back to live our own separate lives. I didn’t want to think about what will happen next – I just want to live in the moment.

The more I spend my time with him, the stronger my feelings grow. It’s been messing up my mind, but I couldn’t let it ruin my summer. This was the best summer I’ve ever had in a long time, and I would not take it for granted. The memories we were creating throughout will forever live on in my head.

—

In the middle of our “summer of love”, Christian came to an agreement with AC Milan, and by that his time in Chelsea had come to an end and he had to relocate to Italy. And the club wanted him to join them for preseason, meaning his summer break had to be cut off sooner than he planned.

When he broke the news, I was stunned – not that I wasn’t happy about his move to Milan, I just needed time to process it. I also wasn’t ready for our summer to be over, but the circumstances forced us to cut our time short. It was pretty saddening for us that we unfortunately had to burst our little bubble.

“So… That’s it for us then?” I carefully asked.

“Let’s just not talk about it.” He refused.

I didn’t want to cause a fight at the time, so I agreed to let it go.

The entire time, I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him. But eventually I couldn’t do that forever. You can't escape the reality no matter how much you want to.

—

Christian was packing his bags as he had a flight to catch the next morning. Yes, I couldn’t emphasize enough that we know our whatever-you-called-ship is coming to an end. In every hello there is a goodbye, right? But why does this feel so hard?

We have tried really hard not to mention anything about the fact that our summer love will be over soon but it is an inevitable topic. There is no way we can escape the conversation, especially on our very last day together. And I have to be the one to bring this up because Christian clearly didn’t want to – he might be the one who suggested the idea, but he is the one who is more in denial.

“Chris, you know we both have to say something, don’t you?” I tried to start the conversation.

“Can we not? Please.” He whimpered.

“We have to.” I insisted.

He kept packing in silence, not wanting to talk about the painful reality. I was sitting on the corner of his bed while he was standing across from me, avoiding eye contact since I started talking. He was looking down all the time – organizing his belongings – and not once he took even a little glance at me. I looked closely at his face, paying attention to every little detail I could. His face was red, eyes were puffy and watery, lips were tight – it was obvious to me he was trying so hard not to cry.

“So are you just going to freeze me out the entire time or?” Still no answer from him. 

I went and sat a lot closer to him and he tried to look away.

“Stop it, please! At least just look at my fucking eyes if you don’t want to fucking speak!”

And suddenly I saw tears running down on his face. He couldn’t hold them back anymore – his heart was completely shattered and it was obvious he was nowhere near ready to face the harsh reality.

“Chris… Listen…”

“Why can’t you change your mind?”

He asked a question that got me startled.

“What is it about me and the time that we had that made you certain you still don’t want a relationship?” His voice was trembling.

It took me a while to even say one fucking word to him. I felt like the worst person on earth for breaking the sweetest man’s heart. And to be honest, I broke my own heart too – and I was really trying my hardest to conceal it from him.

“Chris, you were the one who said, and I quote, “just be together for the summer”! I was being so clear I didn’t want a relationship yet you still offered me that. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just… I’m not ready. And I don’t know when I will be again.” I desperately tried to explain myself to him but I seemed to upset him even more.

“Yeah, right.” He shook his head and smacked his lips. “Whatever you say.”

I sighed.

“Chris… Please, why won’t you believe me?” I asked him quietly.

“I don’t buy your bullshit anymore.” He replied coldly, while wiping his tears.

Now done packing, he grabbed the car keys and put most of his belongings in the trunk.

I still wanted to have more conversation – about us, specifically – but after he was done with his stuff, he refused.

“I’m tired and I have an early flight to catch tomorrow. I think I should just go to sleep right now.” He said as he walked into his room.

“Yeah, of course...” I responded.

I tried to softly grab his hand but he swung his arm further away from me.

“See you tomorrow, Chris. Goo-”

He slammed the door on my face before I got to tell him goodnight. At the moment, I thought to myself: oh no, he really hates me.

—

The next morning I drove Christian to the airport. He was going to Milan with his dad and he was meeting him at the airport. On the way there, we didn’t really talk much. There was so much silence – and somehow it made everything even more painful.

I couldn’t handle the tension any longer, so I tried to break the ice.

“Hey, thank you for spending the summer with me. It was the best I’ve ever had.”

He only nodded.

“Umm, I’m sorry this only lasted for a short while...”

He looked down, he sniffed and rubbed his nose and sighed. 

“Well, have fun in Milan! You needed a fresh start and you’re about to get one… Christian, I am proud of you.”

I tried to be supportive and not say anything that could be perceived as “something wrong” because I knew he was in a fragile state at the moment, though it seemed like he wasn’t going to respond the way I hoped he would. I was genuinely proud of him by the way – always have and always will.

He looked up but still avoiding eye contact, let out a slight smile and chuckled a little bit.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“And uh… Maybe you’d forget about me with all the girls you’re going to meet there...”

I immediately regretted what I just said. Shit. What the fuck did I just say?

He finally looked directly into my eyes – a look full of disbelief and disappointment. There was a moment of silence between us. This time, I was the one who couldn’t see him in the eyes.

“Chris, I’m so, so sorry I didn’t m-”

“How could you say that, Y/N?” He cut me off before I finished talking, by the tone of his voice I could tell he was mad at me.

I froze for a minute. I knew I had fucked up but I never thought it would be so much worse – at the moment I was really, really fucking shit up.

“Do you think my feelings for you aren't real enough so other girls can easily make it go away? Do you really think I can forget you just like that? Are you implying that what we had all summer will not stick in your memories?”

“Wha- no, Chris, that’s not what I mean!”

What a mess I had made... And before I knew it, tears started to fill my eyes.

“Well to me it sounded like that. I’m appalled to know you don’t see whatever we were as something real and meaningful. Maybe it was a mistake to even ask you to give us a chance in the first place.” He sounded like he was truly aching and filled with regrets.

I glanced at him for a bit and I saw him biting his lip and his face was already all red. I never wanted our goodbye to be this heartbreaking but well… In this situation it’s bound to happen, isn’t it? Because I didn’t want to escalate our situation any further, I decided to shut my mouth and stop talking altogether. I was aware that whatever I said might hurt him deeper. Fuck, why can’t things be easier?

—

After what felt like a very long ride, we finally got to the airport. We met Christian’s dad, Mark, at the front gate as I helped Christian with his belongings. Mark greeted me and gave me a hug.

“Hey, Y/N! Thanks for dropping Christian off, if only you could come with us to Italy!” Mark excitedly thanked me, not knowing what happened between Christian and I.

I shook my head and slightly laughed to cover my discomfort. Then I saw Christian looking at his watch, and whispered to his dad: “let’s go.”

I took it as my cue to leave, so I said my farewell to both of them.

“Well, have a safe flight, Mr. Pulisic.” I smiled and nodded at Mark. 

Then I turned to Christian. He was still visibly upset – I didn’t have the heart to say anything, really. I had caused him a lot of pain, and I was afraid to open my mouth. But at the moment I knew I had to, since I didn’t know if we would ever see each other again.

“You too, Chris. Good luck over there.” I softly tapped his arm.

I waved at them and was ready to walk away when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned around and it was Christian. He pulled me in for a hug – a very, very tight hug, like he wouldn’t let me go. He rested his head on my shoulder and I rubbed his back the whole time. It was a long hug – probably the longest ever for both of us – and we could no longer keep our overflowing emotions inside anymore.

“I’m sorry…” I whimpered.

“I know.” He whispered.

He stroked my head and kissed me in the forehead. His lips stayed there for a while.

“Y/N, I have to go...”

It was the hardest thing to do but I pulled away from the hug. Before he went inside, he took my hands and looked me in the eyes.

“Y/N, you will always be my greatest summer love… I will never forget you.” He said under his breath.

And the moment he walked through the gate, that was the last time I saw him in person. What we had might be short, but I will forever be thankful Christian made my summer unforgettable.

—

“You were my summer love

You always will be my summer love”

–

taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @swimmingismywholelife @chilwellspulisic @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @masonsrem @landoslover

[chaosduckies]

Rising Tides (Chapter 3)

Whatttt resurrecting an old mer may fic from three months ago I totally didn’t forget about? Couldn’t be me haha-

But, this is for a very important reason…

Part 1 of 2 of my bday present for @da3dm!!! Happy early birthday 3D!!! :3 I hope you enjoy this because Idk- this was entirely driven by a single scene and I just had to somehow make it lead up to that… But I hope you enjoy it and to everyone who read :3

Word Count: 4.1k

CW: Talk about being a monster, uhhh I think that’s it (if it isn’t please let me know)

3- Nico 

It’s been three days. Three days of not being able to swim. Three days of being taken care of like some pet. Three days of not speaking a single word. 

Three days since I’ve been away from home. 

I was beyond homesick. I missed my parents, I missed my little shell collection I had along some makeshift shelves. I missed exploring the small coral reef right by my house. Why did I have to travel all the way out here in the first place? Just because I wanted to get away from town for a while? This was so much longer than a while. The worst part about it was that my tail wasn’t any closer to being all healed up. I actually think it was getting worse. 

I wasn’t able to get off the little area he had me in. The prison basically. I was scared that if I complained he would just keep me in a worse place. Like his mouth-don’t think about that now. There was also the problem that I wouldn’t be able to swim anywhere if I decided to swim off the mini platform. Maybe just glide over to somewhere, but that’s really it unless I was willing to crawl along the floor. I really want to get off of here though.

The thought stayed in the back of my mind. Honestly it would be worth it just to be outside. Since the giant mer didn’t seem to notice that I was getting tired of being in the same place doing nothing the entire time. Every time he was in the same room as me, I would hide myself in the tall seaweed or under that rock. Did I know he could very easily see me? Yes. Yes I did. Did I fear that he would and could just grab me and eat me at any moment? Only all the time. But he hasn’t. Yet. Which I was grateful for. 

Even if there was nothing to do, I still kept myself busy. I looked around the many, many rocky places, seeing if I could fit in all of the tiny caves. There was only one I couldn’t. Sometimes I’d mess with the big coral pieces and find a place comfortable to lay myself on and just fall asleep. I preferably liked the yellow brain coral since it had so many little branches for me to hang on to. What? I couldn’t swim so I had to figure out a way to entertain myself. 

At the moment, I was wrapped around some of the corals’ branches and laying down, trying to fall asleep. It was midday but I had nothing to do. I could go look for some more of those colorful rocks, but I didn’t really feel like it. At least not right now. I had a pile of them by that rock that I’ve made like a temporary home. I had wondered if I should try and make like a pathway with them, but that was stupid. 

I still had yet to learn the giant mers name. He’s never bothered to tell me, and he hasn’t bothered to ask me either. I didn’t really care though. This would all be over soon. My tail would heal itself up and then I can go back home, tell my parents what happened, and never, ever come out here again. Scratch the plan of living outside the community. Now I know why people stayed inside. 

The giant mer swam into the room, making me immediately try to scramble myself out of the coral I managed to tangle myself up in, only to find that I couldn’t get loose. I was stuck. Upside down, watching as the mer slowly turned my way, squinting. Right. I was hidden behind some of the seaweed. Was that a good thing in this case? I would think so since I didn’t really want him to see me so pathetic. 

I struggled to lift myself back up in the same position, rushing to get out before he sees me, but it was no use. If I tried to move my tail it would only sting me, leaving it burning for a couple seconds. I didn’t want to make my wound worse than it already was. I stole another glance to the mer, who was still trying to find me. I was guessing he used my tail as an indicator, but currently I was in a huge tangled up mess (Thank you me). I doubt he would see me unless he actually tried looking, which he would b doing pretty soon if I don’t get out. 

I already know how he does things. The other day, I was hidden pretty well. My tail behind my back and hidden in one of those tiny cracks in the cave walls. He was just supposed to pass by, but he took a quick glance over at where I was supposed to be, and when he couldn’t find me after searching for a while, he came really, really close and started digging through the place. The only reason he stopped was because I had finally stuck my tail out of the hole, hoping he’d stop digging around everywhere. He did, not saying a single word as he swam off. 

This was a different case though. I knew he’d find me after some searching, but I didn’t want him to laugh at how ridiculous I probably looked right now. I mean, even I thought it was crazy how I even managed to get myself in this situation. He might help after he’s had his share of laughing, and that was something I wasn’t ready for. He might hurt me, or he might just take me somewhere and finish me off. He might see me as weak and incapable of surviving on my own, so he’d just have mercy on me. Please don’t think about that right now…

Just as I had said before, if he couldn’t find me after a while, he’d check. Which was exactly what he was doing right now. I clasped a hand over my mouth when his hand hovered above, lightly pushing some seaweed away and looking closely at the tiny cracks in the wall. What do I do. What do I do. What do I- 

I let out a tiny squeak when his gaze flicked over right to me. My body instinctively started trembling as I tried my hardest to hide my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his large digits move away from the overgrown seaweed, which only made me assume the worst. 

“You’re stuck?” His voice was calmer than usual. I still didn’t give an answer. Even if it meant he’d just be angry at me for it later, I couldn’t answer him. I tried one more time to move my tail to get free on my own before he tried anything, but I winced and jumped when the stinging ran up my spine. Great. This was just great. 

“Stay still for a second.” He had ordered, and I listened. Not moving a single inch except for my entire body trembling as I saw those huge digits reach for me. I would have tried to swim off if I could. Sadly, my tail was not up for the task. I bit the side of my cheek as hard as I could to take my mind off the fact that he was just pinching me, not very lightly, against only two of his fingers and untangling my tail. Not very gently either. The stinging pain ran up my spine again, twice as bad, making me taste blood on the side of my cheek as I bit down even harder to hinder the pain. My arms were pinned to my sides at the moment, not making this any easier. 

As soon as he let go of me, I pushed myself up against the rocky wall, trying to calm my breathing down. Just two fingers and I can die-I shook my head, covering my face again and studying my now-free tail and how nothing that wasn’t already gone was there. 

“You’re welcome.” Was all he said before swimming off outside, leaving me alone. I grabbed a fistful of the sand below me, biting my lower lip, “Thank you…” I muttered, but he didn’t hear.  

———Callum———

I swam fast towards the ship yards, where there were tons of human ships. Some were larger than others, but otherwise they were just a little bigger than one of my hands. The two things they had in common? They were all broken, and they also happened to be homes to some sharks and large fish. The ones I usually proffered to eat. It was okay when I couldn’t find any, since they usually hide in the daytime, but they tasted so good. Since I was one of the bigger mers, I didn’t really need to eat much. Maybe once or twice a week. So, it’s not like these fish are rare or anything. 

Of course it was funny to find the tiny mer tangled up because of his tail, but I wasn’t about to laugh in front of him. I’d bet he was already scared of me finding him like that, and if I laughed that would have made things worse than they already were. He might think I’m some sadistic being. A part of me also felt sorry. It probably hurt him a lot being like that when he was… handicapped. He even tried getting himself out before I could help. Was he really that terrified of me that he’d rather hurt himself than let me offer some kind of help? 

Then again, I haven’t really been all that welcoming. 

It’s been a while since I’ve been around other mers. A couple years. The only one I’ve been around had been Archer but that was only because he kind of took me in as a pup. Otherwise, mers were usually too scared to approach me, and when they do by accident they leave just as soon as they come. It’s not like I don’t want to be around people, it’s just that it’s hard for me to make friends when no one can even stand being anywhere near you. 

I looked around for the fish, but there was no sign. Sighing, I headed back to my cave home. I was surprised the little mer hasn’t tried to escape yet. Sometimes I’d catch him collecting some of the rocks and placing them in a pile, or he’d be crawling around, barely ever moving his tail to push him forward. I didn’t know what he was doing when he was just crawling around. I do remember finding him in one of the tiny cracks in the wall, so maybe he was just messing with those? 

Did I feel bad? Yes. He couldn’t swim. At least not yet. For a human, that’s like not being able to walk. I felt so bad. Even worse because I was just keeping him in that same spot. I would offer to take him outside the cave, but I was afraid something might happen. I couldn’t live with that guilt! Not to mention he was deadly afraid of me. It’s not like I try to be scary. I’m just really… big. Probably intimidating to the little mer. I cared a little bit for the mer, partly because I could have definitely helped him out before his tail was mangled by a shark, but also because I felt incredibly bad. Again, he can’t swim for a while and that’s basically like a human losing their legs. But also because I’m pretty sure his tail will never heal. 

Why I think that? Because it’s been a while, and I’m pretty sure there should’ve been some kind of attempt at swimming, but the little mer still jolts and flinches every time they move their tail awkwardly or something brushes up against it. Which meant they might never be able to swim ever again. I would never wish that upon someone no matter how many times they’ve called me a monster or threatened me. Not being able to do the one thing you were capable of must be heartbreaking. I have no idea if the mer was getting better or not, but I guess all I could keep doing was trying to keep them alive. 

So no matter what this mer thinks of me, I would just have to hope that I was wrong and they can eventually start swimming on their own soon enough. It hurt to see them trying to swim everyday, not getting anywhere and too afraid to leave the little place they were in. I really wouldn’t care if I were being honest. Just as long as they don’t go outside without me they would be fine. I jus offered the rock as a place for him to sleep and stuff. Though, I guess he couldn’t even swim around the place, possibly only glide to one place and crawl along the sand and rocks the rest of the way. 

My eyes turned to the mer, currently hiding in the small patches of seaweed and lying on his back. Maybe I should take him outside for a while? But wouldn’t he be scared of me? I mean, based off of what happened earlier it didn’t look like he wanted to be touched. Well maybe because he’s like an inch tall compared to you. That might be it, but something kept telling me that it wasn’t just that. I guess there was no harm in trying, I mean the worst he could do was just deny my offer. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if I were being honest, but for some reason some part of me really wanted this mer to trust me. 

I didn’t know if that was because I knew what would happen if his tail doesn’t heal up, or because I’ve just been lonely for so long. 

I slowly swam up to his little spot, watching his bright purple tail go underneath the rock he always hides himself in. Again, I wouldn’t just rip it out of the ground, its obvious he doesn’t feel safe without it. I bit the side of my cheek, letting out a sigh. 

“Hey, uh, would you like to go outside? Like, just to see something different?” I reminded myself to keep my voice quiet, watching as he curiously peaked his head out. My eyes widened, but that was quickly replaced with my usual tired look. The mer wiggled himself out of the tight hiding spot. I have no idea how he fits himself in there, but it amazes me. A part of me was shocked that he even willingly swam out. 

He laid on the soft sand, debating his answer, or maybe figuring out how to find his voice, before he finally spoke, “Y-you won’t… hurt me, right?” My normal response would have been to growl since that’s what everyone asks me when they first see me. Just because I’m big and look scary doesn’t mean I’m going to murder you in cold blood. Instead, I shook my head, slowly lowering my hand because I doubt he’d like it if I just grabbed him. No matter how much faster it would’ve been… 

The mer eyed my hand, clutching sand in their fists before crawling cautiously closer. I kept still, just watching carefully as they tried to hoist themselves up but couldn’t. Everytime they tried they winced, looking back at their tail but kept on trying. I was growing impatient, but I also felt sympathy. I mean, this is just another bit of proof that the little guy might never swim again. I sighed, moving my hand away and scaring them. Maybe I should learn their name? Since now they would have to stay longer than we had both initially thought. 

“What’s your name anyways?” I had asked, coming out a little too harsh than I meant it to be. They had moved back away a little bit, though it didn’t really make a difference to me. 

“N-Nico.” He whispered. I barely caught it before smiling in accomplishment, quickly replaced by by usual resting face, “Callum,” I watched him mutter my name under his breath and nod to himself like he was trying to remember it, “I think it’d be faster if I just… grabbed you.” A slight warning that caught Nico off guard. 

I wanted to do this quickly, but sadly I don’t think Nico was up for going fast. So instead, I reached down slowly, hearing a little squeak that almost made me laugh. My finger slipped underneath, raising him up a little and pinching him between my thumb and pointer. He squirmed a bit, trying to push himself out and looked panicked. Was I doing something wrong? Too tight? I loosened my grip, watching him slump and take long, deep breaths. Right I should probably get better at that. 

“Sorry…” I apologized, fixing him in my hand so his arms slumped over my pointer and thumb gently securing him so he wouldn’t slip out while I was swimming. Would this mean I have to swim slower? Probably. I might be a little… strange for Nico though. I mean it was for me all together. I’ve never been around such a small mer, and I was just surprised that he hasn’t screamed out of fear yet. It was obvious that he was having a hard time to bury that fear though. Of me. I winced to myself, giving the little mer time to adjust himself. 

I felt weird. To be near such a small being besides fish and the occasional sharks that pass by the area. I wasn’t at all used to this. I remember when I was a pup I was afraid of Archer since I was incredibly small to him, but I grew used to it pretty fast. If Archer didn’t have someone to help him it might’ve taken me so much more longer. And now I was a lot bigger than him and still growing. There was something wrong with me. 

The sad truth was that I didn’t have someone to help me. I was alone in this, and I have basically zero experience with people, let alone someone so small. I waited a while before Nico squirmed around to make himself comfortable, looking up at me, then immediately turning away. Again, scared. A part of me wished that he wasn’t, but I couldn’t let myself get attached. He’d eventually leave. Whether his tail was healed or not. It’s not like I can just keep him prisoner here, I just wanted to make sure that his tail would be fine enough to let him go back to wherever he lived. Probably a little community somewhere in the coral reef? I had no idea. 

“Is that good?” I looked down so I could see if he nods or not, not expecting a verbal answer, “Y-yeah.” He slumped. Kind of like he just… gave up? I didn’t know how to describe it. I was never good at these kinds of things. 

I slowly swam out, keeping the mer close to my chest and watching as he grew used to the fast currents. It’s been a while since he’s swam huh? I kept swimming out, finally reaching a secluded little spot where a few corals grew and fish swam around. A few swam away at the sight of me, but I didn’t pay attention since I’m sure I screamed “Big, hungry, predator.” I guess they were all true right now, but it’s not like I can’t go hunt for myself. There were a few fish I could go find, but I didn’t want to leave Nico by himself. 

“I didn’t know what you wanted to see. But if you have an idea I can take you there.” I offered, earning a shocked, yet ecstatic face from the smaller mer. I laid myself along a large rock, resting my head on my arms and opening up my hand for the mer to do whatever he was so excited about. I’m pretty sure they knew better to go off on their own after what happened with the sharks couple of days ago. 

Nico started pushing himself off with his tail, wincing every time he moved it but kept on going, his excitement driving him and very slowly and weakly swimming around in the water. I don’t think I should be letting him use his tail since he might make his condition worse, but I told myself that he needed this. He looked so happy. Almost like he had completely forgotten that I was there. But why would I care so much? It’s not like he’d be any different than any of the other mers that meet me. I save them, they call me a monster and run away. Sometimes plead me not to eat them. It left a disgusting taste in my mouth how they had always thought that I would eat another mer. I was one too. I frowned, a little sad but dug my head into my arms, resting my eyes. 

I didn’t know how long Nico kept himself occupied. Every once in a while I would look up and find him looking in small nooks and crannies for something. I didn’t particularly care though, as long as he didn’t feel trapped like he probably has been- I haven’t really been the best caretaker, but hey, he’s alive isn’t he? 

I knew the sun was setting, but every single time I looked up to make sure that the tiny mer was fine, he just looked all giggly and happy. Like he was before this huge mess happened. If it weren’t for that shark. I noticed a small pile of different colored shells where Nico was. So did he just like collecting shells? I mean it would explain why he was even way out here in the first place. Why didn’t he just look around the community he lived in? It seemed like a waste of time. But I guess he just wanted to attempt to find something new. 

I dug my head back into my arms, slightly groaning from not having eaten anything today, and partly because I was extremely exhausted. From what? I had no idea. Right now I wanted nothing more than to just go back to my cave and sleep. But of course I couldn’t just bring myself to grab Nico and force him back right where he was. I sighed, resting my eyes once again before my ears pricked up at a very quiet and small voice. 

Slightly turning my head, I saw the little more struggle to push himself closer to me, dragging something that was about as big as he was behind him. My eyed widened as he stopped for a split second, either scared, or just taking a break from moving such a large thing to him. Or both. I didn’t say a word as I noticed him shudder, trembling but kept moving closer to me and eventually stopping, dragging whatever he was carrying in front of him. I squinted my eyes to see what it was without getting too close since Nico seemed to have a set distance away from me. 

“U-Um… th-thank you.” He held up the bright blue shell that was almost as big as he was up. My eyes widened in shock. Was he… giving something to me? Thanking me too? I was confused of course, no one’s ever given me anything before besides Archer, so this was definitely new. My heart fell at the gesture, noticing how they struggled to keep the bright blue shell up. I smiled, slowly bringing my hand closer and helping him hold it up. I will say he was startled, but let out a sigh of relief. He probably thought that I was going to hurt him, but that was already expected if I were being honest. But… still. It felt nice to be given a gift. Or to even hear the words “thank you.” 

I laughed, seeing a small and shy smile appear on Nico’s face before grabbing two shells that were about the size of his tiny palms. “We… we can go now. I-I know you only stayed f-f-or me.” He stuttered, seeming a little embarrassed at the fact. I lifted my body up, pinching the shell he had given me and my free hand wrapping two fingers around his tiny and minuscule frame. 

I started swimming back, making sure he couldn’t see me smile as I held the tiny shell he had given me close. Such a strange little mer… 

——————

Hope you enjoyed part 1 of your gift 3D!! :D Happy early birthday again :3

Thank you all for reading this very forgotten fic- I will try my best to keep up with it if ya’ll really want me to. But thank you all again!

[jolapeno]

Hi Jo!

How did you get into writing fanfic?

I’m sorry I’ve sat on this for so long, but I wanted to make sure I answered it with the full attention it deserves. I apologise for the length 😂.

I began this as to how, but then also why? and it got long.

warnings for: jo being overly open, sharing things she doesn’t usually, mentions of mental health, mention but not discussion of sexual trauma poor sleep, and again, oversharing. I don’t think I’ve been this open ever, so be gentle with me.

so, I began writing fanfic in 2015. I discovered it on accident, I was doom scrolling on Pinterest, trying to see if I could make some tree decorations in an insomnia bout (because I’d already completed TLOU - irony I know) and discovered a fanfic.

and I was lost in it, 200k deep and then I read another, and another, and I don’t know why I had an idea to attempt to write my own, but I did, and I poured all of my pain into it. (I eventually took this fic down because it was so freaking personal and painful to have up - and it’s still shared now by several people which irks me a lot). but god at the time? it healed me. and it brought me two people who I still talk to to this day, even if we don’t live in the same timezone.

I stayed in that fandom until 2018 when I left and continued only writing for daredevil (which id joined in like 2016).

and then in 2019 I stopped all together due to bad mental health, and just personal things in my life (I really wasn’t doing that well and wanted a bit of a reset).

it was then I began writing an original story. working on it obsessively, eventually shaping it to show some agents at a writing festival in 2020 (virtually, cause of the rona). and it was good, I met with three and two of them loved it. i had amazing feedback, including requests, and I should have been happy, right?

well, I FREAKED out. my little romcom could be something? I sobbed, I broke down, I couldn’t get out of bed for two days and I was a mess.

now, the reasons as to why, is still fuzzy to me. but I assume it’s because all of my life I’d truly believed that Im not good at anything. and writing was this one thing I had to myself, that I shared but never expected anything. and then, suddenly there was expectations, and the reality that people had read it—people who could do things with it, terrified me.

their nice words had weight, meaning? and yet they felt like iron pokers against my skin. even through therapy I don’t like delving into the why’s the what’s, but I assume it’s a combination of lack of self belief and the foundation I’m built on (and why I struggle with compliments) but also the fact it went from a hobby to something that could be something. and I think I freaked at it.

from here, my mental health took a big hit, I was so anxious I couldn’t leave the house and by the end of that year I was back to where I was in 2019, but if anything, much worse?

I didn’t know who I was. all the trauma i thought I’d healed from, rose up inside of me and it took me ages to finally be able to even think about writing again. I was broken. reset to more than factory settings because I couldn’t even recall what I liked? what I loved (outside of my husband and dog). I was a shadow wandering around, going from appointment to appointment.

and then, because he’s an amazing soul, my husband suggested I write fanfic again. start again, try. and I did. I potted around under a different name and then in 2022 i grabbed mvtthewmurdvck back, and I came back through call of duty.

by the end of that year, I found narcos 💁‍♀️ (javi supremacy) and here we are, 2024.

I say a lot that writing saved me, and it literally did.

and I rarely share all of this, but I’m not ashamed of my story, but sometimes I feel I should have been stronger?

but actually, I’m strong for getting up even when I was knocked down. I rebuilt, I reshaped and I discovered threads in myself I’d never known was there. and that took guts.

I was able to discover my sex drive, a thing I’ve struggled with (even in my loving and brilliant relationship) after some trauma when I was 15 with my boyfriend at the time (iykyk). I was able to write scenarios that I could then bring into my own life, and I wrote an entire fic (ILTWY) that helped me discover that I actually love sex. that I love pleasure in all its forms.

I was able to find my heart again, and write a romcom that made me find people I couldn’t be without now, but also, show myself that I can still write a romcom, and that thing in 2020 was just a blip, it wasn’t a sign and it wasn’t a thing that would define me.

and, even now, while I’m struggling to even smile, and I cried putting my eyebrows on this morning, I wrote my feelings out into a Drabble I’m not sure if I’ll share, that made me feel like I could go to work today and cope.

I say that notes and things aren’t my focus here, but never really explained why, but this, all above, is why. writing is there for me, it’s a crutch, it’s a saviour when the world feels too much. it was a thing that I lived without for a short period, but when I came back to it, it was like returning home.

and the best part? I get to share my words with you, I get to think “maybe this will resonate with people” and find that sometimes, it does. I get to be a comfort, to make someone smile, to make you laugh or even make you feel a little horny hahahah. and that means MORE to me, because when I was lost, afraid and terrified of the voice in my head, someone else’s words did that for me. they held me close, they helped me stop and pause and take a breath.

and that’s how I got into writing fanfic, and why it will forever be something special to me.

an: I haven’t edited this, and I’m shaking, so if there’s spelling mistakes, ignore.

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Could we have headcannon for Izuku having a cat quirk?

I see you like dadzawa /hj

No, but dudeee, izuku is feral in his own right, add that with the chaos of a cat😭😭😭 doom. Doom to all that befall izuku’s wrath

Fuck those who befall izuku’s wrath though, because my son doesn’t even get mad easily, and when he does it’s justified

Get angry at kaachan, izuku. Do it. You know you wanna.

Okay though, so I wasn’t sure if you wanted where like,,, he can shape shift into a cat or he has like,, cat senses, but I’m going to go with cat shape shifting and when he’s in human form he still has some cat like reflexes? Like heightened hearing, always landing on his feet, and such!

I just think it’s kind of funny to imagine someone (we all know who) pushing izuku off a tall place and him just landing in his feet like nothing happened. Like, it’s horrible, but also just izuku being unbothered is so personal to me

Just, chaos going on around him and he’s just like, “oh, are you okay?”

Or even better, as a kid, he’s climbing a tree and falls out, scaring inko half to death, and he just lands perfectly on his feet or in place where he was about to land is a little cat, and both of them are like ?????

What type of cat do you think he’d be? Like, would he still have green fur/hair? Or would he be some type of regular house cat? I’m low key leaning towards green little cat because that’s adorable, but it’s up to you, really!

But I imagine izuku shifts into cat form a lot to get away from bullies and to sneak closer to villain/hero fights.

Is koda able to control izuku when he is in cat form????????

Shinsou “I’m not here to make friends” hitoshi

Izuku “I can shift into a cat and I think your quirk is incredible”Midoriya

Shinsou: ….

Shinsou: if anything happened to Midoriya, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Mic takes so many pictures. So many. So does Aizawa, but he won’t admit that. Bastard.

He 10000% uses his smaller form as a cat to sneak out of U.A. for his. Unadvised adventures.

One time when Aizawa was sleep deprived and checking in on class a in the middle of the night, he spots izuku sneaking out in his cat form and doesn’t connect that the cat is his problem child, so he takes the cat up to his and mic’s apartment

He doesn’t realize it’s izuku until the next morning when mic is like, “was Midoriya trying to sneak out again?” Aizawa is confused, and then he remembers. And then he realizes.

And then izuku gets scolded :(

I once read a fic where izuku got turned into a cat due to some quirk, and bakugou was being mean to Shouto and he just did the cat thing where they stare at you while pushing your glass/mug/something off the table, and it was so important to me

But like. Imagine him doing that 😭

Imagine he gets found roaming around by the league and they don’t know it’s izuku at first, but toga decides that he’s adorable and she wants to keep him. So he’s like, okay, I can gather information I guess??????

And then he just like,,, completely fucks with them??

Like, shiggy is gaming and he just sits on the controller or computer keyboard or whatever

And shiggy is considering designating this goddamn cat, but toga would probably kill him if he did that

He helps Eri calm down from her panic attacks/ptsd by shifting into his cat form and sitting with her! Sometimes she prefers if he helps her in his human form, but she also loves running after cat izuku

Mina 1000% sets up a social media page for the cat hero. Not his hero profile. Just a profile for him as a cat. No one knows it’s even a human with a quirk. They’re all just like, damn, U.A. Has a pet cat

Izuku is very affronted by this at first, but accepts that it’ll probably help his cover once he does go pro

He 10000% made a hairball for overhaul to find later on. He fits as many, “fuck you’s” to overhaul as he can

As he should

Likes to fuck with endeavor the same way.

Has 1000% chewed/scratched holes in endeavor’s clothes

Shouto was so proud.

I already say that he’s a vent gremlin, but imagine bent gremlin izuku with a cat quirk😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

U.A. Is not safe

Was it ever?

But nezu finds it rather fun to try and determine where izuku will pop up next

Nothing will be happening, and all of a sudden, there is a cat falling out of a vent and everyone is screaming

Nezu sips on his tea and smiles

Aizawa is totally not itching to pet the little cat whenever he sees him. Not at all. Nope. He would never.

He succumbs to petting the cat once he finds that it calms izuku down sometimes.

He’s not happy about it though!

If you pulled down his capture scarf you totally wouldn’t see him smiling!!!!

No matter what hizashi or nemuri tell you!!!

If stain had control over izuku while he was in cat form and was making him stay still, if koda was also there, would he be able to override stains blood control????

Monoma finds himself petting a cat one afternoon and is surprised that the cat is acting like he understands him. It isn’t until izuku shifts back into his human form and starts talking back to Monoma that he understands.

He also freaks the fuck out.

But izuku nerds out about Monoma’s quirk and he’s suddenly pulling a Shouto and a shinsou with the whole “I’ve only had Midoriya for ______, but if anything ever happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself”

Shouto, shinsou, and Monoma are the trio who, “didn’t come here to make friends/didn’t want to be friends with class a bastards-“ and then they talked with izuku and suddenly they’re best friends, and this is something I hold very dear

I HOPE YOU LIKED THISSSS!! I’m so sorry it took so long 😅😅😅 my mental health was absolute shit and I had a lot of homework💀 I know this wasn’t super long, so sorry about that too 😅😅 I still hope you like though!!!! Thank you for the ask!!

[90s-belladonna]

Okay so walk with me I need KiriXReader part 2 for the Sero fic where it's reversed unrequited and Jiro tells him reader used to like him before he chose Mina. I need that fluffangst

The Fantasy I Dreamed Of: Kirishima x Fem!Reader

My first fic back!!! it's inspired by Light by Ateez bc that song is simply too swoon worthy

part 1 (you don't really need to read it tbh)

word count: 4630

“You probably think I’m a weakling. I promise I’ll be fine soon. I’m so sorry.” I let out in between sobs. Today’s work-study mission has been particularly debilitating. It wasn’t the broken ribs or the bruises covering my body, it wasn’t even the busted lip, those were all things recovery girl had fixed quite easily. The one thing a forehead kiss from the old woman couldn’t fix was my mind. Thankfully Mirko and I had been able to rescue everyone, however, the victims had been women and children, something about seeing children hurt like that had taken a toll on me. I knew I’d be fine, I just needed to let it out. The rabbit hero had noticed my distraught state after the mission as well, only saying I needed to toughen up if I ever expected to make it as a hero. An observation that had only rubbed salt on the metaphorical wound.

“I wasn’t thinking anything of the sort. All I was thinking was that pretty girls should never cry.” His words sounded sincere, and I was sure that if I were to look up I’d be met with his warm gaze. “Maybe she was right, I’m not cut out for this.” was all I could answer with, my mentor’s words still running through my mind. “HEY!” the redhead’s angry voice boomed through the open space. I couldn’t hold myself back and instinctively looked up to see what had caused the sudden shift in his energy. Sure enough, his soft gaze met my teary face.

“Cry as much as you want, in fact, I encourage it, you’re only human after all, but please never talk down on yourself like that again. (name)… you’re amazing. You’re everything.” His voice was breaking, a complete one-eighty compared to his previous brawny voice. I felt the need to defend my own self-loathing, to explain how I was right to believe I was a failure as a hero. “Kirishima I-“ “You’re the best of us. If someone as kind-hearted as you isn’t cut out to be a hero then who the hell is? So cry. Do what you feel you need to do to deal with your feelings but don’t look down on yourself. You’ll be an amazing hero someday, you’ll see. I believe in you.” His voice was still shaky, but his message was clear. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you worry.” I cried out, my eyes filling with tears once more. The glossy look in his eyes made my chest ache. Why do I always make everyone worry? Kirishima is upset because of me…

The boy in front of me instantly became a nervous mess, he searched for something to help wipe my tears with only to find nothing. So he did the only thing he could think of at the moment and took his shirt off and handed it to me. “Here. I just put it on after dinner so it’s clean I promise!” His sweet attempt at comfort made me smile against my will. “I’ll get it dirty… Kiri, I couldn’t.” I explained only for the redhead to shake his head. “Bakubro taught the other guys and me how to do laundry properly so I can wash it. Don’t worry, you need it so use it.” He spoke and flashed a toothy grin my way. 

“You really are the sun huh?” I absentmindedly let out. Kirishima always lit up my days, He was always there to pick me up when I felt defeated, and was always there to share moments of joy with me, how could I not see him as the sun? A bright and powerful light. Maybe Killua was on to something when he said Gon shines so bright that sometimes he had to look away, I understand what he meant perfectly now. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be (name), for as long as you need me to be.” he let out as he took a seat next to me on the large rock I was sitting on. Perhaps I hit my head too hard during today’s fight with the villains, but that sounded like a confession of sorts.

When I skipped dinner and snuck out of the dorms to have some alone time to cry out my feelings I never expected Kirishima to come find me, but then again I should’ve known better. Kirishima was always there to rescue me from myself, like a true hero, my hero. “Did you eat?” I questioned the boy, who seemed surprisingly fine despite his lack of a shirt. “Why? You’re offering to take me out?” He joked causing me to laugh. “Sure Red. But let’s go Saturday, our curfew is soon so we should get back to the dorms so you can eat something.” I reasoned. Yet the way he looked at me with those wide bright eyes could’ve convinced me to stay out with him all night, basking in the moonlight. “Saturday! It’s a date then!” He confirmed with a nervous smile as he stood up and offered me his hand to help me stand up. 

“Fatgum is going to be so mad at you when you show up sniffling to your work-study tomorrow.” I giggled as we walked back to the dorms. “Nah, he adores me! Also, I’m crazy strong I won’t catch a cold you’ll see!” The redhead joked back. “Kiri… you literally have goosebumps on your arms, you dork.” I instinctively ran my hand over one of his arms, hoping the friction from my skin would help warm him a bit. The unexpected action caused him to blush, I figured it was due to the proximity and how out of the blue it was for me to touch him like this. “I’ll be fine. Getting sick isn’t manly.” He defended with a smile. “Sure it isn’t Red.” I whispered back. The whole point of caressing his arm with my hand was so that my body would warm him up, yet why was it my body that felt as if it was on fire?

Minutes went by and we were finally out of the clearing and closer to the dorms. “Those assholes who hurt you better hope they never get out of prison or they’ll have to deal with me.” Kirishima suddenly spoke, his gruff tone distracting me from my thoughts. “Honestly don’t worry about it, it wasn’t that bad, you should see how some of the other heroes and their interns ended up.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his concern, he was always so sweet. “(name).” He earnestly spoke as he made a sudden stop and turned to look my way. “I’ll always worry about you. I know you’re amazing and can handle yourself, I just hate seeing you hurt. And I hate that someone would lay a hand on you.” his voice was soft and his gaze was piercing as if he could see right through me. 

“It’s part of the job Kiri. I’m going to get hurt sometimes, and so are you, we all will.” I reminded him only for him to shake his head. “Then I’ll work hard as a hero. I’ll work so hard so that villains like those you fought disappear and you never have to get hurt again.” That was all he said, his voice was determined, not a single doubt behind his intentions so all I did was nod. Everyone knew that when Eijiro Kirishima set his mind to something there was no stopping him. I had to get my emotions under control because why the hell was my heart racing because of the way he looked at me? 

Sure enough the following day the redhead was sniffling, although not fully sick it was obvious that it could develop into a cold if he didn’t take care of himself properly. “Wow, you’re really going all out here. Do you think you’ll finish and still make it in time to your work-study?” Jiro asked as she watched me toss some corn in a pot, the last touch for the chicken soup I was making for Kirishima. “Yeah, I’ll be fine Mirko’s agency is nearby anyway.” I spoke as I transferred the tea I had made for him into a thermo. “Wow (name)… what’s all this?” Sero asked as he walked into the kitchen. “Kirishima walked her back to the dorms last night and now she feels guilty that he’s sick so she’s trying to take care of him.” Jiro explained, she was still annoyed at the boy for having broken my heart earlier that year, not that he was aware of my old crush anyway. Thankfully I was over it now and could act normal around him and Mina, I was glad they never found out, their friendship meant the world to me.

Sero gulped, surprised by my attentiveness toward the redhead. Of course, I didn’t know it at the time, I wasn’t aware that he was shocked I could care so much for someone other than him, in the same capacity that I once worried for him. Unbeknownst to me he had recently begun wondering if maybe he and Mina were better off as friends, his mind kept circling back to me and the way I would look at him as if he hung the stars, a look he realized was no longer reserved for him. He was well aware of how toxic it was to want someone else while being in a relationship, especially when the girl he was pinning for was a good friend of his girlfriend. Yet he was selfish, all he needed was a push, a confirmation of my feelings, to fully pursue the relationship his heart suddenly longed for.

“Are you sure Kirishima will be into that?” The ravenette questioned, no real concern in his tone but jealousy filled his heart with every passing minute. “Why wouldn’t he?” Jiro scoffed in defense. “Yeah, why wouldn’t he? He loves food.” I spoke as I turned back to face my two friends. “Well.. you know what he’s like, maybe he’ll think it isn’t manly to be taken care of by a girl. I don’t know.” Sero defended awkwardly causing Jiro to roll her eyes. “Damn. You really know how to hit where it hurts huh Sero.” I replied as I began to second guess my actions and turn the stove off as the soup was now ready. All I wanted was to keep him healthy. “Anyone would love to have (name) take care of them, she’s the loveliest!” Jiro defended, a scowl taking over her usual indifferent demeanor. “Hey no that’s not what I mean I was just… you know bringing up how Kirishima might not be into that!” The sable-eyed boy argued as he placed his hands up in defense.

“Be into what?” The redhead asked as he walked into the kitchen area, his blonde best friend standing next to him. “(name) made you tea and soup so that you won’t get sicker. Sero here thinks you won’t think it’s manly to be taken care of by a girl.” Jiro explained as she gave the ravenette a death glare. “That’s ridiculous. Shitty hair loves food, and (name) is the one who sucks the least at cooking out of all you extras!” Bakugo defended causing me to smile. “Katsuki you like my cooking?” I asked out loud, excited at the compliment from the grumpy boy. “SHUT UP!” the blonde yelled back, but I could see the blush on his cheeks. “(name), thank you. You didn’t have to but I appreciate it, I’ll make sure to finish everything!” the beaming redhead assured, only to correct himself when the blonde next to him cleared his throat. “We’ll finish everything I promise!” With his toothy smile in full display, Kirishima sure was lovely these days, or maybe he always was.

“Why would you worry her, that’s not cool.” Jiro asked Sero, truly appalled by his weird behavior, usually he was the most laid back and understanding out of their friend group. He and I had always been the best of friends who constantly encouraged one another so she couldn’t understand why he was being so negative with this situation, and honestly neither could I. “I was just looking out for (name)’s feelings, but I’m glad it all worked out.” He clarified, only to be met with a sadistic chuckle from Bakugo and a scoff from Jiro. “You don’t have to worry about (name)’s feelings. That’s what you’ve got Mina for. I’ll take care of (name) and whatever she’s feeling.” Kirishima spoke as he gave Sero a stern look, the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. “It smells amazing! Is (name) cooking?” Denki asked as he too entered the kitchen. “Not for you dunce face!” Bakugo growled causing me to laugh. 

An hour later I was dashing out of the dorms in my hero costume, eager to get to Mirko’s agency, only to be stopped by someone grabbing my wrist and turning me to face them. I was instantly met with none other than the loveliest ruby eyes. “Let me walk you?” Kirishima pleaded. However, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the knitted sweater and scarf he was wearing on top of his hero costume. “You covered up?” I wondered as I took in the complete difference in appearance. “Yeah, our date is tomorrow so I didn’t want to risk getting sick and having to miss it. I’ll have to take off the sweater for patrol but I wanted to try and be in my best health for you.” He admitted. I couldn’t fight the smile back that was caused by his confession. I wasn’t sure what we were yet but I was certain of one thing. Kirishima… he likes me… and I like him.

“I- umm” I shook my head, unsure of how to respond, my body felt as if it were on fire, but it was a surprisingly comforting feeling. “Fatgum’s agency is on the complete opposite side of Mirko’s.” I stated, my eyes never leaving his. I noticed his smile drop a bit, and realized he must’ve thought I was rejecting him. “But… we should walk together as much as we can, and maybe once our patrols end we could… I don’t know text each other and meet up to walk back to the dorms… together?” My suggestion seemed to do the trick as his eyes went wide again as he nodded in agreement and interlocked our fingers. Once again my body was on fire, a feeling I was beginning to enjoy. It was warm, just like the moments we shared.

unbeknownst to me someone else had overheard our conversation and was left wondering how things could have shifted so much and when this development began. Sero had been convinced I held feelings for him so he couldn’t for the life of him understand why I now looked at Kirishima, not like he hung the stars but as if he were the center of the universe, my own personal sun. He felt betrayed by his jealousy, we were his friends so he should be happy for us right? and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened had he realized his feelings earlier. 

When Saturday finally rolled around the onyx-eyed boy watched in jealousy as Kirishima and I left for our date, he couldn’t help but grow even more spiteful as all our friends complimented us for finally getting together, he couldn’t help but wonder how different everything would be if that was him holding my hand instead of the redhead. Sero hated himself, for being a shitty friend, for being a shitty boyfriend, for being jealous instead of happy for us, and most of all for being too late in figuring out his feelings. He had concluded that the way I looked at him was just because he was my one of best friends not because I held any romantic feelings for him. He felt like an idiot for assuming I ever liked him, especially after seeing the way I looked at Kirishima, it truly did not compare to any of the ways I ever looked at him, that’s what finally made it click for him. He was filling his mind with nothing but fantasies.

“What the hell is your problem? You can’t at least act like you’re happy for our friends?” Jiro questioned the ravenette moments after Kirishima and I left and everyone else had dispersed. “Kirishima has been in love with her for so long, and she looks so happy. Sero you’re normally so cheery what’s going on?” Momo asked as she tried to diffuse the tension, it was obvious to her that Jiro was close to snapping. She and Momo had been the only two I made aware of my crush on Sero earlier that year, however, Kirishima and Bakugo had figured it out on their own as well at some point. Jiro had held a grudge towards Sero ever since he started dating Mina, she wanted to be happy for her friend but she saw that the boy’s feelings were purely superficial and that he was confusing a friendship connection with a romantic one. She also hated the way he had made me cry, even if he wasn’t aware that he had broken my heart. 

“You’ll hate me if I tell you.” was all the boy managed to say as he walked out the front door. Clearly, the answer wasn’t good enough for Jiro as she chased after him. “ I promise you nothing could make me hate you more than I do right now.” She said as she grabbed him by the shoulder, effectively stopping him from walking away. “I like her okay! I tried to fight it off. I did. But it’s impossible not to fall in love with (name)… she’s amazing.” he finally admitted. Jiro was well aware of his feelings as she had always been great at reading people, she just wanted to hear him finally admit it to himself out loud. “and what about Mina?” she questioned, still concerned for her other friend’s feelings. “I love her, she’s gorgeous and she makes me laugh and she makes me so happy. I just… I think I love her like a friend after all. There was always something that (name) possessed that lured me in but I ignored whatever it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and Mina she was just like me and insanely beautiful so I thought maybe I liked her and was just confused by (name) because I’d never been such good friends with a girl before her. Ever since Mina and I started dating I’ve realized it was the other way around. Now I’m more confused than when this whole thing started. I just… I don’t want to hurt either of them but I can’t help being selfish.” He finally admitted through teary eyes.

Jiro couldn’t help but sigh, she knew this was coming. “Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.  Mina and (name) are both too good for you, you’re an idiot for playing with their feelings like that. But you’re still my friend so I’ll give you some friendly advice. (name) used to like you, yet she still helped you with Mina because she valued your feelings and friendship above her own, she was never selfish with you so you need to be a good friend and be happy for her. She finally found someone who loves her for who she is, she deserves to have one of her best friends in the entire world be supportive, that’s you, idiot. Stop being selfish and tell Mina what you’re feeling too, maybe you can work on it as a couple or just break up and find people better suited for you two. Either way, stop treating other people’s feelings like toys.” Her revelation had caused Sero’s eyes to widen. He’d finally realized that all along what he wanted was within reach yet he pushed that possibility away all on his own. “I’ll be a good friend from now on.” Was all he said as his mind began to race about all the wasted possibilities of a future with me, a future where he could’ve been the one to go on dates with me, the one to hold my hand, and the one I looked at with absolute adoration. 

“I invited you out, I should’ve paid.” I argued as we walked back to the dorms. We had been out since noon and now it was nearing our curfew. Time seemed to fly by when I was with Kirishima, life felt lighter and brighter when I found myself in the company of the beaming boy. “nonsense, a lady should never pay on a date. My moms would kill me if I let you spend a single cent on me.” The boy answered with a chuckle. “Smart ladies.” I quipped back. “Yeah, they’re the best!” The smile never left his face, he truly was the sweetest boy ever. His thumb caressed my knuckles as we held hands once again. The sign of affection had quickly become something we did instinctually as if our bodies longed to be together. 

“Are you free tomorrow?” He wondered out loud. “mmm… I’m going shopping with the girls early in the morning but I should be back a little after two. Why?” I answered as I turned to face him. Even in the moonlight, he shines so brightly.  “I thought maybe we could take a walk by the zen gardens. The plum blossoms are in full bloom so I wanted to take some pictures of you with them. I know it sounds kinda cheesy bu-“ “It’s a date!” I eagerly interrupted him, just glad he wasn’t sick of me yet. He looked at me once more with ecstatic wide eyes and raised brows, the excitement evident on his face. There was a certain comfort and warmth in knowing someone you liked also liked you. 

As we entered campus my heart couldn’t help but ache at the thought of having to say goodnight, Kirishima’s presence was addicting, I wished to bask in it forever. “I don’t want today to end. It feels like a dream.” The boy suddenly said, almost as if he could read my mind. My (color) eyes once again found themselves meeting his ruby ones. The intensity caused me to take a deep breath, he was perfect. His shimmering gaze was suffocating in the best possible way. He was simply captivating. “Eijiro Kirishima. You’re the fantasy I dreamed of for so long. Be my boyfriend.” I absentmindedly let out. I think he also realized I didn’t mean to say that out loud due to the shock on my face when I realized what I had just asked and the way he had let go of my hand and stopped walking altogether.

“Of course. I’ve always been yours (name), you’ve been my starlight for so long. No one else even exists to me.” The sincerity behind his eyes couldn’t be feigned, the way his voice carried so much weight I knew there was no doubt in his mind that this is what he wanted, that I was what he wanted. “I’m sorry for asking you out I’m sure it wasn’t very manly to be asked out by a girl.” I couldn’t help but let my insecurities get in the way I handled the situation shine through, it was a flaw I was working on. However, Ejiro just shook his head. “Nah. What’s unmanly is waiting around and taking forever to ask you out simply because I was too nervous that you might say no. What you did was very manly. I’m happy, next time I’ll be the one to take action so that you won’t have to I promise!” The boy beamed once again before wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing my forehead. He had a way of making the smallest bits of affection feel as if they were part of a fairytale. 

As we made it back to the dorms we still couldn’t find ourselves parting so he decided to walk me to my room despite his being on a different floor. Neither of us wanted our time together to end. It was like in Cinderella as if once the clock struck midnight everything would disappear. I knew better though, and so did he but we’d been apart for so long that now that everything was out on the table we couldn’t help but want to be together as much as possible. However, we both powered through it and he walked me to my room and kissed my hand before hugging me goodnight. 

About half an hour had gone by when I heard a knock on my door. I figured it was one of the other girls needing to borrow a product they might’ve run out of, only to be met with none other than  Kirishima on the other side of the door. “Kiri? Did you forget something in my purse?” I asked the redhead as I looked back inside my dorm to see if I could spot the purse I had used earlier that day. “uh no I just…” He nervously started, his hand reaching for my face, caressing my cheek causing me to meet his ruby eyes once more. “I love you (name). I don’t think I could sleep well tonight if I didn’t tell you.” he explained. His confession had been sudden but still filled me with joy, love was a powerful word but I knew that he meant it and all the weight it held from the way he looked at me.

“Kirishima…” I started, only to be interrupted by him. “You don’t have to say it back. I know it’s soon so you might not still feel that way about me but I needed to tell you. I want to be honest with you about where I stand.” He explained, although I could tell he did want something. “I acknowledge your feelings. I’m not sure If I’m there just yet, but I think I could be in the future.” I thought perhaps my honesty would defeat him but instead, he flashed his bright smile my way. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll wait as long as it takes. No pressure really!” He explained once more. 

“Kiri, that’s not it right? What else is it you needed?” I wondered as I could sense something else was making him nervous. “You know me too well. I was wondering if maybe… May I kiss you?” pink began to dust his cheeks, as if he also wasn’t expecting to ask me such a daunting questing. However, I didn’t have to give it a second thought so I just nodded in consent. Almost instantly I felt the hand that had been caressing my cheek travel towards my hair and his free hand pull me by the waist as his lips crashed against mine. Strangely enough, the kiss made me feel protected as if nothing could ever hurt me. His lips were surprisingly soft and the kiss was sweet, reminiscent of the taste of vanilla. Time seemed to freeze. Yet I knew if our kiss went on any longer it would border on a make-out session. Although his intensity had me tempted. “Goodnight starlight.” He whispered as soon as he pulled away, giving me a final kiss on the forehead before walking away. My heart was beating out of my chest knowing no one would ever compare to Eijiro Kirishima, not a single fairytale could have prepared me for him.

☆ Master List

☆ Oneshots

[stagehunt]

AUTHOR PORTRAIT ...

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, don't reblog.

Basics

NAME:        vos AGE:         23 PRONOUNS:         they/them YEARS OF WRITING:          that  definitely  depends  on  what  you  classify  as  writing  but  i  discovered  rp  as  a  concept  in  2010  which  was  probably  just  a  bit  after  i  got  into  writing  little  short  stories  and  things  as  a  kid.  i  was  writing  them  by  hand  in  a  little  notepad  that  somebody  in  my  family  handed  over  to  a  school  teacher,  extremely  mortifying  ordeal  to  me  at  the  time  lmfao       

Reflection

WHY DID YOU PICK UP WRITING?           i’m  pretty  sure  i  first  started  by  writing  shitty  warrior  cats  fanfics  actually,   and  i  didn’t  know  that  fics  or  fandom  in  general  was�� even  a  thing  at  the  time  so  u  could  say  i  was  destined  for  this  sort  of  brainrot   fgdjkh   little  nine  year  old  me  also  encountered  rp  for  the  first  time  by  searching  for  warrior  cats  flash  games   (i guess??  idk  what  i  actually  thought  i’d  find)   and  instead  wound  up  on  some  random  webpage  with  a  chatbox.  moved  on  from  there  to  writing  awful,  horrible   (but  very  fun)   naruto  oc’s  on  a  website  that  i  think  was  called  chatango  some  years  later,   dabbled  a  little  on  imvu,   and  started  writing  on  tumblr  around  2015  iirc

DO YOU HAVE ANY WRITING ROUTINES?          i  wouldn’t  say  so?  sometimes  i’ll  listen  to  like…  instrumental  interludes  from  certain  albums  or  smth  that  i  won’t  enjoy  too  much  because  i  find  music  very  distracting,   not  just  for  writing  but  in  general,   and  sitting  in  silence  is  a  weird  feeling  to  me  too.  when  it  comes  to  other  things  i  need  a  podcast  or  video  essay  or  something  similar  to  be  at  all  productive  but  it’s  hard  to  focus  on  writing  with  someone  yapping  in  your  ear.  i  used  to  save  writing  for  nights even  when  i  have  free  time  throughout  the  day,   because  i  tend  to  feel  bad  about  sitting  at  a  computer  screen  all  day,   but  with  my  activity  in  its  current  state  i  have  to  sit  down  and  get  it  out  the  moment  inspiration  and  energy  align  themselves  for  me.    

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WRITING?         sorry  to  steal  your  answer  but  i  def  have  to  agree  with  what  layla  said  re  the  community  aspect  of  rp  actually.  it’s  so  nice  to  be  able  to  just  click  with  someone  over  a  shared   (sometimes  niche)   interest  and  love  for  certain  medias/characters/dynamics/genres  etc.  the  feeling  of  finding  someone  who  shares  your  vision.  and  also  stemming  from  the  same  thing,   i’ve  always  felt  that  my  favorite  and  most  “solid”  muses  are  the  ones  that  i’ve  gotten  the  chance  to  develop  alongside  another  through  plotting.  love  shared  canon,  love  affiliated  oc’s,  love  group  verses.  allllll  that  good  stuff.  

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING.         gonna  break  the  format  we’re  following  here  because  i  have  to  ramble  and  idk  how  to  break  all  this  into  three  titles,     so  obviously  being  succinct  isn’t  one  of  the  answers  here   kfdjghd

i  always  try  to  capture  a  different  flow  and  style   (???)   of  prose  depending  on  who  i’m  writing,   and  i’m  never  sure  if  that  really  comes  through  for  others  or  if  i  just  seem  inconsistent,   but  whenever  i  look  back  at  old  blogs  i  can  see  it  for  myself  and  that  at  least  keeps  me  content   :)   i  want  to  read  my  writing  back  and  feel  that  it  has  character  outside  of  just  the  spoken  dialogue.

i  like  to  spend  a  lot  of  time  with  a  piece  of  writing,   which  realistically  is  not  to  my  benefit  in  terms  of  activity,   but  i  do  just  really  enjoy  drafting  and  redrafting,   rearranging,   nitpicking  at  everything  until  it’s  as  close  to  being  what  i  want  to  be  as  i  can  get  it.  so  that’s  more  about  the  writing  process  than  the  writing  itself,   but  i  think  it’s  still  important  to  allow  myself  to  have  fun  with  it  fkjghd

pulling  a  blank  on  a  third  thing  bc  this  is  actually  a  really  difficult  question  but  i’ll  come  back  and  edit  it  later  if  something  pops  into  my  head  kfjgdh

A question for the next person

HAVE YOU MADE ANY STRONG  CONNECTIONS  /  FRIENDS DURING YOUR TIME WRITING?          for  sure.  one  of  my  dearest  friends  in  this  world  is  not  a  writer  but  someone  who  i  met  as  a  mutual  friend  of  my  first  rp  partner.  i’m  not  really  in  touch  with  that  person  who  introduced  us  anymore  but  i  simply  couldn’t  live  without  my  bestie  and  i  consider  writing  the  only  reason  we  really  met and she gets to kinda "beta" some of the things i do write   dfkgjhd   i’ve  also  traveled  to  the  states  a  couple  of  times  in  my  teens  to  meet  a  rp  buddy  who  i’ve  known  since  i  was  around   ,,   twelve  or  so  i  believe.  

wouldn’t  be  right  not  to  shout  out  @ohchosen  here  either  because  i  was  very  close  to  leaving  tumblr   (and  also  probably  rp)   for  good  when  we  became  friends,   and  writing/plotting  tmkz  together  has  been  one  of  the  best  experiences  i’ve  ever  had  on  this  website,   where  friends  and  mutuals  tend  to  come  and  go.  you  never  did.  you’re  probs  the  funniest  person  i’ve  ever  spoken  to,   craft  the  most  beautifully  written  responses  imaginable,   you  put  a  world  of  effort  into  developing  your  muses  and  you  let  me  derail  every  single  one  of  conversations  to  talk  about  music  instead   gfjhdg   sorry  i’m  so  mean  to  you.  ily  a  lot.

there’s  also  a  handful  of  mutuals  who  i  don’t  necessarily  talk  or  interact  with  very  much  anymore  but  have  been  around  for  years  at  this  point  and  i  have  fond  memories  with  too.  always  so  so  so  glad  to  see  you  pop  up  on  the  dash,  it  makes  me  smile  every  time  so  i’ll  use  this  as  an  opportunity  to  wave  at  you, you know who you are    <3

NEW QUESTION: where  do  you  draw  the  most  inspiration  from  when  writing?  music,   other  medias,   ur  fave  author,  a  dream  you  once  had  etc.

tagged by @oneireth tysm <3 tagging val take my love letter as ur tag, also hi @heliador @loetise @tiderider @yeonban @pearlcure @deathsmaidens @sungracd !!!!!

[skzdarlings]

hi darling! how did you become such a stellar writer? you have a writing style i find so compelling and evocative and i’d love to be able to emulate that in my own creations. i’m not a fic writer but i do write recreationally so i’m curious! is there any authors that have a similar writing style to yours or rather anyone you tried to emulate yourself?

oh wow thank you so so much! I definitely always feel like i am learning. my degree is in literature and i took some creative writing courses which helped lay some foundations for sure. i’ve written professionally and have lots of original work floating around, though i have enjoyed taking a break and writing fanfic. fan communities are fun as we share muses for the character counterparts haha

i definitely think the number one thing is to read lots and lots, and with a lot of variety, both fiction and non-fiction! hearing different voices and seeing different perspectives and engaging with so many different stories will really open up your own creativity.

i read a big range of fiction novels but definitely skew more character-driven than plot-driven or world-building centric. and for non-fiction i read different things but some of my favourites are lgbt essay anthologies and interviews. especially as a romance writer, i looooove seeing people dissect romance and sexuality and social expectations and gender dynamics and personal desires in very out of the box ways and i think it has massively impacted how i write any kind of romance

i am not sure there’s really one particular author i try emulate necessarily, but when a story does something i really love, even if it’s just one scene or moment that resonates with me, i might look at it more and ask why it’s compelling. the root of that thought can lead to an entire novel. frankly the same works for a story i might hate and asking myself why it’s making me angry or disappointed!

i think the best thing is just to be curious all the time, open to new ideas, and to not be afraid of messing around with all of it. i think authenticity beats everything! i would definitely say i write for myself first. i’ll happily admit that all my work is self-indulgent, often purple-prose, sometimes melodramatic, and i love it lol 🤭💕

i think a bit of cheeky shamelessness goes a long way to getting that draft done haha

[13tinysocks]

hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something

Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye

This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.

When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general

I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.

I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol

I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.

I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )

I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.

feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))

your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon

I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.

I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.

Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.

[morningberriesao3]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tysm to @runninriot for the tag. tbh i often don’t do these things ‘cause I never have anyone else to tag to keep the chain going, but this one is too fun not to 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

currently—13. 10 are completed, 2 are old wips, 1 is my current wip. baker’s dozen.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

431, 629 and counting 😳

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stranger things, exclusively. no other fandom inspires me the same way.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Many Ways, Many Days, to Say ‘I Love You’

Dirty Words

Done Deal

Sneaky Link

Sweet Surrender

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES. omg i will always respond to a comment because they make me wildly happy. although sometimes (currently), i feel too overwhelmed to reply right away and i end up with an overflowing inbox. right now i have 200 unanswered comments that i WILL reply to 😂

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

as far as finished fics, Hate the Way It Feels So Good has, i guess, the most unsatisfying ending. generally i always write HEA. although i have a wip that was never supposed to end happily: Wicked, to Let Me Dream of You.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i’d say Sweet Surrender is the happiest considering all the angst you have to read to get there 😂 but like i said, most have a happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

generally, no. but i have gotten more hate than anyone i’ve talked to about it! (certain word choices ‘ruining’ an entire fic for someone, grammar corrections, people telling me i’m a liar when i didn’t upload fast enough… all mostly surface stuff that hasn’t been too bad yet 😩)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

the real question is: have i ever not written smut? and the answer to that is no. what kind? every kind. tame, not-so-tame, porn with plot, porn with feelings, gross stuff, cute stuff, you name it 😉

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really. the closest i’ve been to writing a crossover is How I’d Kill, in which the first few chaps are pretty inspired by ACOTAR.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not copy and pasted, as far as i know. there have been a few instances where i’ve noticed bigger accounts posting eerily similar plot lines to some of the stuff i’ve written, but i’m 100% sure it’s just coincidence. we have to remember nothing is outright original when it comes to plot. as long as you’re not intentionally plagiarizing someone’s work, similarities are bound to happen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no!! i’ve never had a translation, a pod fic, or artwork done for any of my fics! i’m just out here in my own little bubble lmao

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i haven’t! although i’ve definitely talked about it with @the-unforgivenn!! i get nervous because i’m such a procrastinator when it comes to getting my own fics done—i don’t want to drag someone else down 😂

14. What’s you’re all time favourite ship?

take a wild guess.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i honestly hope/plan to finish ALL of my posted wips, even though a couple are on pause. there’s a few saved on my laptop that I’m sure will never see the light of day hahaha

16. What are your writing strengths?

i’m blind to my own writing so it’s hard to say. i’d like to think just general improvement as i’ve written more/read more. a lot of repeat readers have complimented me on how i write angst so maybe that?!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i could write an essay on this. first—no matter how many times i read through my fics—there’s some autocorrect that i missed or a spelling error or just SOMETHING 😂 not to mention the procrastinating. always getting major writer’s block. and generally being very hard on myself.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i MIGHT be able to get away with a few french phrases here and there, being half french, but in general i only know english well enough to write. reading? LOVE it. make all the characters multilingual—i’ll have google translate ready.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

stranger things 🥹 and most likely will be the only fandom i ever write for. (unless you count the RPF i wrote and will NEVER publish about joseph quinn 💀)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

i personally think my best written fic is How I’d Kill, but Sweet Surrender will always be my favourite just by default—there was no better feeling as a first time writer reading the lovely comments that i got on that fic. i’ll never forget it 🥹

no pressure tags:

@numinosmoon @cuips-not-cute @bettyfrommars @the-unforgivenn @rip-quizilla @etherealmontilyet @wroteclassicaly @wynnyfryd

sorry if you’ve already been tagged or just plain old don’t want to do it 💕

[daboyau]

Asking some writers/artists I follow:

Is there anything in your fic/comic that you as the author know about, but won't end up in the actual story?

@friendlyneighborhoodterrapin oohhhh I love this question!! It is so fun. You always have the best asks. 💚💚💚

so I am going to take this time to ramble about both The Rise Hunger Games AU and the Leave AU. I tried to avoid any big spoilers but no guarantees!

RHG au: 

Okay so for a while there I was totally delusional and convinced myself I’d write a full length fic focusing on each individual brother. I had names and a very very brief plot for each. This is 100% not happening, so I’m going to share those names. They were actually supposed to reflect the previous brother who had gone before them. (Which is partially why Donnie, who is after Raph, has the fic title ‘Turning a New Shade of Red’)

Turning a new shade of red(donnie)

Shadows of us are still dancing(leo)

Coming like a storm into your town (mikey)

We don’t burn the way you’d expect (raph)

So this isn’t totally canon so much as just a fun little thing I have in mind when writing, but you might occasionally see brief mentions of a failed uprising/attempted rebellion. This is a reference to the Hunger Games canon books, but like an au where they failed really early on and the rebellion never got off the ground. This won’t have any bearing on the story but it’s just a fun little background thing I think about sometimes and call it the secret timeline. Canon THG characters will continue to never be mentioned or important to the story lol. 

Talk of SA here but.

Okay so you remember how Finnick was getting pimped out in the original Hunger Games? That is definitely happening. Nothing will ever be explicit but you’ll notice little things mentioned offhandedly, like how Yoshi refuses to let Raph come to the Capitol after he turns 18, or how Cassandra’s victor ceremony really put an emphasis on her transition to womanhood, so on and so forth…. And Yoshi’s whole…everything before he returned to District 4. It’s another way to show how the Capitol views their victors as commodities and playthings. A lot of interactions Donnie and his fellow tributes/past victors have with people from the Capitol are meant to make readers feel at least vaguely uncomfortable. (Iiiif I’m doing it right.)

Leave AU: 

Okay so in this AU, despite living with Draxum and getting training, they aren’t doing much with mystics. Why? Because right now Draxum is focusing more on teaching them ways to develop and deepen their mystic reserves as opposed to actually using them. (Think meditation and katas and stuff like that.) This is for a couple reasons. One, because he believes they’re too young to be able to safely handle that sort of power. Two, because it’s a power and control thing. Three, because he needs them to store up as much mystics as possible so they can recover when he extracts the mutagen/empyrean from their blood. This might get mentioned eventually in the fic, but basically they go through these monthly/bi-weekly blood draws because the compound they were created with is naturally occurring within them, so Draxum essentially has an unlimited (if slow to harvest) supply of it on hand to experiment with. (Hope that made sense!)

Fun fact, Draxum actually had a lot of potential to be a really good parent in this AU. It’s mentioned sometimes, how he was strict but kind and gentle with them when they were younger. This is because at first, he really did intend to raise them differently after he realized he’d made a miscalculation in mutating babies instead of ready-to-go older warriors. So he was reading them bedtime stories and tucking them in and allowing them to have toys, even though he did want to start training them as warriors once they reached teenage/adulthood. In this AU, though, the counsel of heads decided to take more of an interest in his work than they do in canon and start applying a lot of pressure on him to produce results. So his long term project had to shift gears and become more focused on results instead of childrearing much sooner than he would have wanted. He’s doing it for the good of all yokaikind, though, so even though he may not like it he is able to be cold and distant with his children experiments and view them mainly as weapons. 

Draxum absolutely has a favorite kid. I have many thoughts and reasons for this that I am resisting the urge to ramble about here. (Luckily @boots-with-the-fur-club lets me ramble to her when I need to get it out of my system!) So in order of most to least favorite, it is:

Four

Two

One

Three

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week's writer's spotlight feature is: @pearynice! With twenty-eight Stranger Things works, they've written twenty-seven fics tagged with Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson!

Nominated by @hotluncheddie, they recommend the following works by peachesandpears:

Talk to Me

Personally

Starched Collars

In your eyes

they are so lovely and so talented!! so many short and sweet pieces - that so often seem to touch and soft squishy part hidden away within me, put a little bandaid on it <3 - @hotluncheddie

Below the cut, @pearynice answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I’ve always loved the “opposites attract” trope. While Steddie is the first ship I’ve ever seriously written for, in the past this dynamic has always been my go to (ie: destiel lol) but Steddie specifically because I think Stranger Things is a great show with compelling characters, and that Eddie and Steve deserve a happy ending. And for me that happy ending will always have them with each other.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love AUs. Love seeing the little blorbos in as many situations as possible. I love being able to see how writers take what we know about these characters and make it into a whole new story. (But especially a soulmate AU. I loveeee a soulmate AU.)

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I think anyone who follows me can probably guess hurt/ comfort and fluff. I LOVE making these boys suffer and then smooch about it. 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

AH okay I will scream about this fic until I’m blue in the face (I actually submitted an ask to this blog about it because I think it’s criminally under-viewed!) it’s As the World Falls Down by daeneryske on Ao3. I read this MONTHS ago and I still think about it all the time. It’s long but god I wish it would never end. I want to tattoo it on the inside of my eyelids.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Yes!! I can’t say much because it’s for my Reverse Big Bang but they both contain tropes I’ve never worked with before and I’m so so excited to be writing both of them!!! I’m already having so much fun! And a goal of mine for 2024 is to broaden my writing horizons a little and explore tropes and topics that I haven’t yet, so I don’t really have any specifically in mind but that is my general plan!

What is your writing process like?

Very chaotic. I almost never write an outline. It’s pure vibes baby. And when I DO write an outline I almost never follow it (whoopsie) I feel like as I write the plot comes to me, and outlines tend to pigeon hole me so I can’t get myself out of writing slumps.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Maybe my overuse of italics?  I also don’t really know how to describe it but sometimes when I’m writing heavy action scenes/ emotional scenes I’ll start and stop sentences before they’re complete sentences. Like: “Steve says nothing. Sits down next to his father and looks over his shoulder.” I don’t know if that’s a writing quirk or not lol but that tends to be how I structure my sentences.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Definitely after I’ve finished. Once I’m on a deadline I psych myself out.

Which fic are you most proud of?

That’s such a hard one, because I think I’m proud of a lot of my fics but for very different reasons. I think if I had to choose, I’d pick Blood of the Covenant. It’s one of my more recent fics, and I had toyed around with a Wayne POV fic for such a long time before writing because I wanted to get it right. It was hard to find his voice but I think in the end I executed it well.  

How did you get the idea for Talk to Me?

Well besties I dunno how personal we want to get here, but the inspo for this fic (and tbh a lot of my hurt/ comfort fics) is just based on my own experiences. Growing up my mom did not have the capacity to tend to the thoughts and emotions of her kids, ergo me pushing that shit into a Steddie fic. Obviously what I wrote as Steve’s experience and mine are not directly parallel, but that is how I got the idea.

When writing Starched Collars, what was something you didn’t expect?

That was my first heavy hurt/comfort fic that I wrote, and I remember being really blown away that people could relate so heavily to Steve’s experiences. I remember I had some comments saying that they felt really comforted seeing their own experiences reflected within Steve, and I just never expected my writing to be able provide that for someone. 

What inspired Personally?

Well, again, we’re getting a little personal (babum tss)- but how I wrote Steve’s mom reacting to him mentioning the sunglasses is definitely how my own mom tends to react when I express any kind of negative emotion around her. In this case it was a lost parking stub instead of sunglasses.

What was your favorite part to write from Talk to Me?

The COMFORT- that’s always my favorite part. Making it better! (Although it is also a little fun leaving the angsty cliffhanger- but I will ALWAYS make my fics have a happy ending.) But also I’m a little in love with the idea I had that Eddie likes to rub on Steve’s stomach until he falls asleep. I thought that wrapped up the story very nicely.

How do/did you feel writing Personally?

It was honestly very therapeutic. I don’t think I’ve ever word-vomited out a fic more rapidly than I did for that one. I wrote that in my notes app in one afternoon, read through it once or twice, and posted. It was a relief to get all of that out in writing, and then even better to see that other people found comfort in what I had written. 

What was the most difficult part of writing Starched Collars?

When I was first drafting the fic I was going to have Starched Collars and In Your Eyes (the kinda sorta sequel) be one in the same. I spent a long time trying to balance the two narratives, before I realized it was just too much to fit into one fic. Having both detracted from the other’s story too much, and eventually I had it just focusing on Steve. I think this was the best move but I spent so long trying to strike that balance before I scrapped it.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I don’t know if I can name any one scene or line as explicitly my favorite, but the final scene of Because it’s Steve it’s absolutely a favorite. That whole fic is very special to me because it reflects a lot of my own thoughts/feelings/experiences on being demi, and that final scene is just exactly how I experience my demisexuality. (I’m not sure how long this can be, but I’ll insert the passage here): 

And they’re still in this disgusting bathroom. There’s still a toilet behind Eddie’s knees, but when Steve’s mouth meets his, it doesn’t matter. Because one of Steve’s arms wraps around his middle, his fingers dip into the spaces between his ribs, their chests touch, and it all feels so good. Because it’s Steve. And it’s still Steve who kisses him, still Steve who licks into his mouth, still Steve who nearly sends them both stumbling into the disgusting toilet. And because it’s Steve it’s so funny that Eddie can’t stop laughing, and there’s a blush high on Steve’s cheeks as he tells Eddie to stop it. But then Steve kisses him again. Asks if he wants to go and find Robin and Nancy. If he wants to dance. With him. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

YES. So Because it’s Steve is now a series: Demi/Virgin!Eddie, with all of Eddie’s firsts with Steve. This is very smutty but it’s also like, the sappiest, most disgustingly fluffy smut I’ve ever written. I would say it’s “schmoopy” but I was outed as an Old Lady on Discord because apparently no one uses that word anymore. ALSO- and maybe this is still too far away BUT I am working on TWO Reverse Big Bang pieces and… you guys… my artists are so talented and kind and their brains are so big and so far I’ve gotten along with each of them so well and I am already so excited to post these and we’ve only just begun. I cannot wait until we can make our visions into an entire fic!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add? 

YES- whoever nominated me for this (I don’t know if that’s something they’ll tell me??) THANK YOU- this is so sweet. I feel so honored that someone thought of me as deserving of this. There are so, so many authors you could've chosen and you chose ME! That’s just- insane. Thank you.  And to anyone who has said they found my hurt/ comfort fics relatable in any way, I rain all of the platonic hugs/ forehead kisses/ handshakes/ high fives/ nods of the head upon you. ❤️✨

Thank you to our author, @pearynice, and our nominator, @hotluncheddie! See more of @pearynice's work featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer's Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[kidflashimpulse]

It's me again from the overexcited ramble from earlier BUT I'M NOT DONE

Bart knowing about Gar before others feels so real because he's spent his childhood surrounded by people who felt like Gar does right now, and maybe Gar (not to mention Bart himself) felt like that in the future as well. I wonder how well Bart knew BB in his own time, if he ever really knew him at all, and if it has impact on their current friendship

Oh to see the effects of Bart's childhood on his behaviour in the present, you've sprinkled bits and pieces, and I'm taking it all in like a starving man

And the Thawne DNA confirmed!! GOD it was so good, the love he has for his mom and the despise he has for his grandfather (not Barry obviously) is perfection, I hope Thad got what he deserved when Bart got out

And FINALLY the recognition he deserves with his intelligence, like you said: he knows his stuff. So happy to finally read a fic which shows that Bart is GOOD at what he does, he built a time machine for heaven's sake!

BUT ALSO TYE WAS SUCH A LEGEND LMFAO I love the friendship (or more like feigned frenemyship?) he has with Bart, their dynamic in your fic is hilarious

Okay that was all, thank you for reading this rollercoaster

Your work is absolutely incredible and I can't wait to see where the story/stories are going from here

love the energy 😍 sdfghjkl

yeah i like to think that as soon as gar came back from Mars bart took one look at gar and was like damn he’s going to be going through it

i just imagine mental illness would be extremely prevalent in bart’s original era, i think it’s by-product of a post-apocalyptic society that makes too much sense. And with no system in place to treat it as normal, well bart must have seen some pretty intense stuff

honestly i really don’t know (or have an idea lol) of how well bart new gar in his TL, in my opinion he didn’t know him personally at all. I’m usually in the camp that most of the team had died in one way or another in bart’s time. The ones that i usually do think he knew or knew of “in person” some what at the very least are Barbara Gordon, Wally West (this is a maybe), Lian and maybe that’s about it. It varies with either more members or less, hoe stay i’m unsure, but these r the ones that i typically think of. With how coy bart was when he first came to the past and spoke to gar, honestly anything is possible though lol

i just usually don’t think that the original members were as involved i. his childhoos as some fics make them out to be, one of the biggest reason is because i think the ones who were alive, dispersed to different locations to take part in rebelling etc so it would make it hard for him to know many personally, he might have heard of and gotten details, but beside that it’s really up in the air. The only HC i sometimes think of /include is Barbara Gordon being the one to teach him how to read/write etc education stuff when he was really young and the tornado twins were still alive (so before he was 5), but other than that, idk

“Thawne DNA confirmed” sdfghjkl LOVE THIS, yeah u heard it here first folks, it’s confirmed 😁 jk lol yeah it makes me super happy to include it in AAIT i feel like it really fleshes out his backstory on time related things and i just love all things related to him and his mom and his thawne side, it’s just very satisfying to think about so being able to explore that and HCs in my fic, very fun. I have such a specific vision for Thads involvement in Barts and (ofc as a result) Melonis lives and there will be a little more on that in future chapters, so stay tuned 🤩

PREACH omg the only thing that’s left for us is to see the day his wiki page is updated on it !! capability and intelligence to me is such a key bart feature idk if this make any sense but it just is lol i’d update the wiki myself if i could try to understand the editing process i just don’t have the energy to go thru reading all the rules or figuring it out to do it rn

tye + bart friendship is everything to me i just feel like they’d be rlly entertaining together just so much potential lol

thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts and kind words with me i appreciate it so much <33 and again thank u for reading AAIT, i really appreciate it 🧡

[electronicwitchcollection]

Hey. So, I read accidental mate in the bleach tag and I wanted to tell you you’re insanely awesome. I have never in my life read a Y/N fic because it’s not my thing but you’re phenomenal. I’ve been visiting your page daily to see if you’ve been updating and saw your post which said you’d been too occupied by too many ideas which I completely understand and relate to so I’m waiting patiently for the day you decide to upload the rest of the chapters. They’re worth it. Like that scene when you understood that Grimmjow hadn’t kissed anyone ever and she adapts her kiss to suit him. What kind of genius was that? It was wonderful to read. Also, your Y/N is soooo not annoying. I always expect the MC to be too innocent or unaware but honestly I kinda love her and wish her and grimmjow a happy life at this point. I’ve been thinking about messaging you for a week but yeah. You’re a wonderful writer. Very engaging. Every character, particularly female, you write them superbly well. I’m in love. Thank you for writing. I can kinda see just why it’s necessary for people to write what they want because if you hadn’t published it I’d never have read it and that kinda makes me sad. So, yeah.

So I have read this about a dozen times, and I’m still yet to come up with any combinations of words to accurately describe how this has made me feel. All I can really say is thank you, thank you for your kind words and support. I’m literally blown away with your praise, I haven’t been able to take this grin off my face for the past two hours.

Honestly, I never imagined the amount of people this story would reach, and how many of those would love it as much as I do. I’m aware I’ve indulged heavily on Grimmjow’s more animalistic/hollow part of his personality, but I’ve seen so many amazing fan fiction that didn’t delve into it, that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Reader figuring out Grimmjow had never kissed before was one of my personal favourites, but when I take the time to think about it, of corse he has never kissed anyone like that. He has been driven by his primal survival instincts for as long as he could remember, when would he have indulged in the practices of humans?

I once saw someone compare him to beast from beauty and the beast, and while it made for an interesting read, I could t associate the character with Grimmjow. The beast was a human, a prince. Grown up human and then transformed into a best. But he still has a man’s heart, his human brain. Grimmjow IS a beast. He has a hunters mind, a survivors heart, he’s only now learning about humans and their customs and adapting through it.

I also sometimes struggle with female OC’s / YN. Only because so many of them are either absolutely useless damsels in distress or some incredibly over powered, bad ass that it no longer makes sense with the fandom. So thank you, for realising how much effort I put into making a believable YN, someone who I hope most readers could associate with on some level. Is she so amazingly strong that she could take down Aizen with the snap of her fingers? No, of corse not, but that doesn't mean she doesn’t have her own strengths. Does she have flaws? Absolutely. Doesn’t mean she is powerless to help herself and others.

I actually loosely base all the female character off myself, as I find it easiest to put myself into the scenarios and decide how I would act. So the fact others are reading this loose representation of me, and like it! Finding her funny, relatable, kind and everything else, it honestly makes my heart want to burst.

Thank you again for reaching out, for making me so incredibly happy and proud of what I’m writing. Thank you to everyone who takes time out of their life to read what I write, to like share and comment on it. I love interacting with everyone and hearing what you love and other takes you have on the situation. I’m eager to write some more accidental mate tonight, encouraged by your love for the story. thank you 💜