#I’ll do better tags when it’s actually done lmao

[avoidingravity]

G3 Jackson wip I’m working on lmao

[diordeer]

౨ৎ PAPER RINGS

“i like shiny things, but i’d marry you with paper rings, you're the one i want. i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this” - taylor swift (smau)

contains: charlie bushnell x tennis player!reader, face claim is emma raducanu

description: dior and walker being my plot movers for ever, im eating all these sporty reader requests, i love it! Ugh and i have my food tech practical exam tmrw im actually terrified ive practised all my dishes but not within the time frame!

requested by: anonymous

Liked by walker.scobell, yn.ln and others

dior.n.goodjohn charlie’s so excited to see yn the match

tagged iamcharliebushnell, walker.scobell

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user1 STOP BC WHYS THAT SO CUTE

yn.ln 🫣🫣

↳ dior.n.goodjohn omg @iamcharliebushnell

↳ iamcharliebushnell dont put me on the spot like this!!

↳ walker.scobell hes obsessed with u yn

↳ yn.ln this will be my motivation not to mess up then 😋

↳ iamcharliebushnell omg

↳ dior.n.goodjohn MANS NOT EVEN TRYING TO ACT COOL AROUND HER

↳ user3 YN AND CHARLIE?!

↳ aryansimhadri apparently!!

user2 omg i’ll be there too! fingers crossed i see u guys

↳ dior.n.goodjohn all u will see is charlie smiling and blushing at yn

↳ iamcharliebushnell STOP

user4 oh to have charlie have a crush on me

user5 i cant wait to see yn omg shes gonna do SO GOOD like she BETTER win

↳ iamcharliebushnell !!

Liked by iamcharliebushnell, sydney_sweeney and others

yn.ln WHAT WHAT WHAT?! still in complete denial?!

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user1 DENIAL? U EARNT THAT GIRL NO DENIAL IS NECESSARY!!

user2 OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO GOOD

user3 well done ur amazing!!!

iamcharliebushnell u were SO INCREDIBLE!!

↳ yn.ln awhh 🤭

↳ dior.n.goodjohn hes at it again!

↳ walker.scobell confirm or denial he was ur motivation?

↳ yn.ln will say neither, keeping my dignity

↳ walker.scobell so thats a yes

↳ user4 omgg!! her and charlie are so cute

↳ user5 i BEG they get together

user6 gal beat everyone and looked good while doing it

[liked by iamcharliebushnell]

↳ user7 LMAO CHARLIE LIKED

↳ user6 omg!!

user8 shes literally my inspiration

↳ yn.ln omg 😖 i love you

Liked by dior.n.goodjohn, walker.scobell and others

iamcharliebushnell post pizza!!

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user1 what was that 😀

dior.n.goodjohn your welcome 😘

↳ user2 this is definitely about her post at yns tennis match!!!

↳ user3 wow who would’ve guessed!!

user5 IS THIS YN OMG?!

user4 yum yum yum

↳ yn.ln indeed

↳ user4 SO IT IS U?

↳ yn.ln oopsie

user6 maybe i should start getting my friends to embarrass me in my crushes comment sections, if it works this well

user7 the hug… i cant 😖😖🫶

↳ user8 they are what i want

walker.scobell booo shes way out of ur league!!

↳ leahsavajeffries let him live ☹️

user9 why does like everyone in the percy jackson cast get pizzas all the time

↳ dior.n.goodjohn its convinient 🤷‍♀️

↳ aryansimhadri its yummy!

taglist: @lostinhisworld @lizziesfirstwife @auttumnsayshi @silkenthusiasts @taygrls @kidkrowk @kanojous @niktwazny303 @m00ng4z3r @highfidelities @b0ok-lover @vamplyle @xyzstar @urmomsgirlfriend1

[povlnfour]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ PADDOCK TO PADDOCK (LN) PART 8

series masterlist | previous part

lando norris x fem!horse rider!reader

landonorris just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 207,567 others

landonorris 100th race, p2, and a nice little call with my girl to show off her flexibility. thank you austin

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user3 ‘MY GIRL’🥹🥹🥹

user7 I KNEWWW EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY

user9 lando have you seen what she’s done?

landonorris have friends? yeah pretty happy for her tbh

charles_leclerc p2 because the fia hates lewis and me*

user2 see everyone the boys are fine

landonorris keep crying mate

yourusername i actually hate you so bad rn

yourusername @/charles_leclerc SURE you don’t wanna date me instead?

user1 HELP Y/N AJDJDJSJ

user6 she said i’ve had ENOUGH

charles_leclerc make me that rice dish again and i’ll consider it

landonorris @/charles_leclerc you don’t even know what tteokbokki is called you don’t deserve her😤

yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚

liked by landonorris, lilymhe and 200,087 others

yourusername from monaco with love

👤 tagged alex_albon, lilymhe, charles_leclerc

only people yourusername follows can comment

alex_albon we need to have a serious conversation about how cute lily always looks in the photos you take and yet…. me…

lilymhe that’s just your face baby

charles_leclerc he’s not gonna know what hit him🤫

yourusername you could not have made this sound worse

charles_leclerc i’m quite enjoying being an accessory to internet drama

lilymhe do you know what’s rude? you spend one (1) second with a man and get a dating rumour… yet NOTHING when you hang w me!

yourusername FR we’ve been married for two years atp🙄

landonorris i know a Better place in monaco you can visit🧡

yourusername get your cute butt home and show me then

texts with charles ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/nupdates just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚

liked by landonorris and 10,397 others

y/nupdates y/n at the airport today!! it seems she’s flying out to mexico for the upcoming grand prix 🩷

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user9 seriously? has everyone just forgotten she’s a cheater?

user3 and yet you follow fan accounts of her??? get a life

user7 ur actually miserable. lando hates u.

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y/nupdates any unnecessary hate comments will be deleted and you will be blocked🩷

user8 she’s so pretty even in the rain :( and she stopped to take photos with fans

user1 apparently someone gave her a necklace with an L on it and she put it straight on🥹

user8 @/user1 YOURE KIDDING THATS SO CUTE IM GONNA CRY

user1 THEY GAVE HER A MATCHING BRACELET FOR LANDO WITH HER INITIALS ON AS WELL!!!!

landonorris thank you admin for giving me a new lockscreen

user2 OH MY GOD ADMIN

y/nupdates 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣 YOU ARE SO WELCOME

landonorris just tweeted ੈ✩‧₊˚

tweet 4 should finish: hate towards those close to me*

tweet 6 should finish: blocked by my team**

twitter reacts ੈ✩‧₊˚

mclaren just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚

liked by yourusername and 165,407 others

mclaren from p17-p5. not the start to the weekend he wanted but he only went and turned it around🙌🏻

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user2 SO PROUDDDS

user9 all because of her….

user3 HAVE FUN GETTING BLOCKED LMAO

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user6 GUYS I THINK MCLAREN ACTUALLY BLOCKED THEM THE COMMENT ISNT SHOWING UP FOR ME LMAOOO

yourusername that’s my boy

mclaren we heard it had something to do with his lucky charm😉

user3 this isn’t taking a week off ma’am

yourusername had to support the boy. it starts now <3

y/nupdates just tweeted ੈ✩‧₊˚

a/n:

OKAY this part was boring i am very sorry BUT there is onE OFFICIAL PART LEFT. it’ll be a long one i warn now but then there may be a mini epilogue of stuff i fully made up for next summer xxxx

thank you all for coming on this crazy ride with me — sorry it’s aLL OVER THE PLACE atm but it makes sense in my head ok

charles au is also otw next week and a one shot lando smau

taglist (found in pinned post): @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicoranorca @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @minkyungseokie @paolexsstuff @celestialpato @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @tsukishitm-a @moonypixel @champagneproblems17 @ironmaiden1313 @lqvesoph @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call

[burnorgetburned]

okay. OKAY. I JUST WANT TO SAY.

NEW MUSIC STYLE. NEW ART STYLE. NEW MAGIC SYSTEM, NEW GIRLS, MORE CLARA DOLLS, MORE HOMURA OUTFITS, MORE EVERYONE OUTFITS, and AAHAHAHAHSGH.

Homura wins by style points alone.

Anyway. Choice screenshots and my thoughts on them. Plus a few wild theories. Replies, tags, and your own reactions are VERY welcome.

(You're doing great, sweetie!)

First of all, I’ve already said this, but Homura has usurped Kyubey. She is the contractor in this new system. She calls magical girls and asks them if they can bear the responsibility of fighting (LEAGUES better than Kyubey's misleading BE A HERO language), using a magical lizard phone. She knows better than anyone else how heavy this is.

And she looks amazing while doing it. Look at that outfit! Look at her steampunk-esque aesthetic! Her throne. Which, notably, has glowing magenta eyes and her wings as a backrest.

The moon is either actually, physically repurposed, or she’s made something that looks like it. Not only that, but the pins going into the moon are exactly like the pins that went into her soul gem when she was being experimented upon in Rebellion. Those pins, according to the artbook, are for draining her gem of grief to keep her just before the point of witching.

Well, here’s my first wild speculation: Homura has not only taken over Kyubey’s job as a contractor but also its job of disposing of grief. That moon steampunk device is maybe for collecting, concentrating, and distilling grief into energy - hence the strange tesla coils connected to red liquid in the second screenshot above. She's doing what Kyubey says it's doing - turning the grief of people into energy to prolong the universe's lifespan.

I for one support her reality-warping shenanigans.

Here are some voices over a phone, sometimes speaking over each other, sometimes together. They call Homura “Akuma-sama” (!!!) which is a distinct upgrade from calling her Good-For-Nothing. They say “Just bring hope” like a mission statement. Are these her contracted girls? Or her Clara Dolls? They seem to show her a lot of respect.

I’ve also said this, but I strongly feel that this and the girl shown later are some of Homura’s new contractees. Their magic is darker. It warps the world around them, even. Their outfits incorporate black a lot more, too, though that might be the lighting.

Look at the little sigil on the top left-middle! Looks a lot like Homura’s lizard sigil shown when she was consuming the universe, just with a longer lizard.

And, of course, the image of Madoka throwing herself off of a building. “Wraith” and “Legend of Bestie” (lmao) show up here. I’ve actually been really looking forward to seeing what they’ll do with Madoka’s… self-sacrificial tendencies, so this might be part of that. Or, because of “Wraith”, it’s… well, I’ll get to that later.

On the other hand, it might not be Madoka. It might be the girl who the speaker in the phone call calls her "best friend", jumping to her death because of a wraith, and Homura saving her to fulfill a wish.

So glad that the insane architecture from Rebellion is making a comeback. Love what you’ve done with the place, Homura. Look at all those cranes!

The outfit changes are very cool to me. I honestly don’t have speculation for why Sayaka is covered in bandages, but I do have speculation for the changes!: they’re older. Years have passed. Since they’ve changed and grown, their outfits have changed, too. I don't have proof of this - I just like the idea.

Light shines down on Madoka. Petals fall towards her as flowers bloom above. Behold, Homura's extremely subtle and inscrutable feelings. (Sorry for the blurry Madoka, but I am not going through the ordeal of uploading screenshots to my computer again because Tumblr does not like mobile users).

Homura is apparently waiting for Madoka here. She's standing right in the fountain's water and holding a Victorian umbrella like a vampire. Right now we can see that the visuals of this movie will not miss.

Is this a routine thing for them or is Homura just showing up to greet them this one time, for some reason? No clue. Madoka's expression as she notices Homura could indicate either.

Eagle-eyed people on Twitter noticed this, but in these shots, Sayaka already has her bandages.

Aside from the multiple and/or teleporting Homuras, there's also a Clara Doll in a ballerina dress and a cute Clara Doll peering over the side of the tower like a little kid.

The tower is interesting. It appears to be made of books or pages, and there's chains throughout it. More notably, it's in the shape of a helix - infinity symbols on top of each other.

Please appreciate these Clara Dolls. I'm sure they're working hard.

But seriously, those Clara Dolls' details. One has a witch's hat. One has an apple on its head. And the one with a teacup appears to have not only a lizard's tail but a replica of Homura's Devil outfit. Appreciate them!

Here is Homura(?), lounging or trapped on a chair filled with even more of those pins. Look at her closely. She's wearing a strange combination of her magical girl outfit and her Devil outfit - her shoulders are bare, and she has... feathers? She's sitting on a bunch of nails. But she also has two soul gems - one in her hand, and one hanging from her neck.

Is she cleansing them? Eating them? Holding people hostage? I don't know, but I support her completely.

She looks so tired.

So: here's some of what I think might be going on.

Homura is using wraiths to repress her worst memories. We know already that wraiths take memories and emotions from their victims. Well, there's no reason it can't be used as extremely terrible coping! Homura actually does this in the Wraith Arc, too - she lets a wraith take her feelings for Madoka.

If it is Madoka, it explains the shot with Madoka throwing herself off a builing - what if Homura has seen this happen in the loops, and out of pain lets a wraith pull it right out of her? The shot says "WRAITH" and billows with smoke. A wraith could have taken Madoka's form to act out this memory. And it doesn't need to be a memory - it could also represent Madoka's self-sacrifice and almost suicidal tendencies. This, too, would explain the multiple Homuras. All wraiths using her form.

This puts forward powerful enemies for the plot, as well as an interesting point of literally fighting Homura's demons. Most importantly, this lets everyone see Homura's pain.

Other wild dartboard speculations:

Homura will try and present herself as a villain. This is, honestly, kind of guaranteed, but it bears mentioning that her magical girls will be very likely to try to defend her.

Kyubey may appear to try and turn the girls against Homura.

Homura made the new magical girl who is drawing a bow. She has a lot of design choices from the Quintet, and people have already noticed how much she looks like Madoka. This new girl plays a role of the hero to Homura's pretend-villain, eliminating the risk that her friends will get seriously hurt.

The new magical girl is actually Madoka. Or the Law of Cycles. Or Kriemhild Gretchen.

The girl who jumps from the tower is a contractee being asked to take a leap of faith. She does so, and Homura rewards her with magic.

[f1byjessie]

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS ━━ LN4.

sometimes the right words are hard to come across, and sometimes everything you need to say can be captured in an image.

( lando norris x photographer!reader )

━━ part seven.

INSTAGRAM.

liked by mancity, oscarpiastri, and 431,912 others

tagged: mancity

yourusername february has come too soon… thank you to these wonderful lads for all they’ve done for me in the short time i’ve gotten to work with them. i’ve been a manchester city girlie my whole life, and getting to see the time and effort all of these men have devoted to this team and this sport ensures i’ll stay a manchester city girlie for the rest of it. but it’s lights out and away we go, and it’s time i get myself back into some papaya 🧡

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mancity Training won’t be the same without you!

↳ yourusername can’t say i’ll miss all the times i was nearly clocked in the head by a ball, but i’ll definitely miss all the happy smiles 🩵

↳ mancity And we’ll miss yours! 🩵

jackgrealish you better not forget about us

↳ yourusername as if i ever could!! i’ll even wear sky blue in the paddock on match days if i have to 🫢

↳ mclaren 😨

↳ jackgrealish real talk though, it was wonderful working with you. you’re an incredibly skilled photographer and having you around was loads of fun. we’ll miss you lots, but we’ll be cheering you on with the mclaren lads

↳ yourusername you’re gonna make me cry grealo 😭

erling.haaland we will miss you! 

mclaren Can’t wait to have you back in the garage with us Y/N! We’ve been missing you around here 🧡

↳ yourusername can’t wait to be back! i’ve missed you dearly mclaren admin

↳ mclaren Our love has grown stronger with the distance 😌

↳ yourusername that it has 😉

kevindebruyne great time working with you! best of luck with your future endeavors 😁👍

oscarpiastri you look better in orange anyways

↳ yourusername since when were you a fashion expert??

↳ oscarpiastri it’s better if i don’t say… 😔

philfoden you gotta come have one last celebration with us before you go!

↳ yourusername if i did that, i’m pretty sure i’d be too hungover to make it to my other job

↳ philfoden maybe that’s the plan 👀👀 if you can’t get there then you’re stuck with us

chloekelly come work with the girlies next time babes! we’re jealous the boys hogged you all for themselves 😜

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liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername, and 217,172 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris, yourusername

mclaren the muses and the artist

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yourusername i had no idea this was being taken…

↳ mclaren We felt the need to share your beauty with the world! 😁

↳ yourusername you just wanted to show me off and prove i’m back with mclaren

↳ mclaren And if we did? 😁

oscarpiastri when the photographer becomes the photographed

user THE LADS AND LADY ARE BACK

user y/n is my favourite part of f1 actually sorry mclaren 🫣🫣🫣

↳ user i think the admin understands with the way they flirt in the comments lmao

user 🧡🧡 MCLAREN 2024 WORLD SUPREMACY 🧡🧡

user i’ve been following y/n’s stint over with the football club and i’ve been so jealous waiting for her to come back to mclaren!! her photos are on a whole different level of skill and i can’t wait to see oscar and lando’s smiling faces in her style again!!

user awww i’m kinda sad she left man city, i really liked her work and it was like a crossover of my two favourite sports teams ☹️

↳ user me too, but if she worked during the off season with them then she might do it again next year or during the summer

↳ user i think the 24/25 premier league season starts up again in mid august, but the f1 summer off season is supposed to end in late august so i don’t think that would really give her enough time to start a gig

↳ user that’s a shame

↳ user not necessarily! footballers do get a bit of a break to take vacations and recover mentally and physically during the summer, but a lot of them are back at their clubs a good chunk of time before the new season starts. assuming man city makes it to the finals in the champions league, their last confirmed scheduled match will be on june 1st, and the 24/25 premier league season starts on august 17th, which means they’ll probably be back at etihad in late july/early august if not sooner

↳ user at the very least, i hope her time with man city has gotten more people interested in f1 🙌

↳ user i’m not too sure… when she started dating ward apparently there was lots of backlash from city fans so who knows what the overall perception of her is over there

↳ user still shocked about that, i had kinda thought her and lando were together since they seem so close 🤔🤔

user mclaren admin please post more y/n behind the scenes bc she doesn’t post herself enough and we always love to see her 🙏🙏🙏

↳ user REAL

landonorris looking good! 😁🧡

↳ user what a bland comment…

↳ user bro gives us radio silence for weeks and THIS is what he comes back with..?

↳ user trouble in paradise methinks 🧐

user haven’t seen any of the garrett ward stans causing a stir in these comments which either means war is over or the mclaren admin isn’t taking any shit and is deleting them, in which case good on you mclaren admin for defending your wonderful official unofficial gf 😩😩

↳ user mclaren admin is better at protecting their official unofficial gf than garrett ward is at protecting is actual official gf 🤨

There’s a certain sense of rightness that comes from being back amidst the McLaren staff dressed in the bright papaya orange. Manchester City had been a fun adventure, and you hadn’t been lying when you told the team you’d miss working with them, but Formula One is where you belong and that had become more and more apparent as the last days of January came to an end.

The last couple of weeks had been nice. The boys had thrown you a small party on your last day, with a cake that they all spent a good hour running off afterwards. Jack had made you promise to keep in touch, and you planned on holding true to that and keeping him updated with selfies from each of the Grand Prix locations at the very least.

The dates with Garrett had worked as planned, his agent was already claiming that just you two being spotted together more than once was doing wonders for his reputation, and Garrett had been treating you civilly since then. You still resented him for how exactly he’d forced you into this situation, but you’ve managed to find a middle ground of at least appreciating what the arrangement can also do for you.

As for Lando, you hadn’t yet gotten any confirmation about how things were going with your plan. Apart from refusing to meet your eye all day and resolutely staring either into the camera or anywhere that wasn’t you, he’d been professional.

Things felt like they did back in 2019━ back when you were convinced he was just an arrogant, pretentious, self-righteous prick with a complex. You’re torn between hating every moment of it and feeling wickedly vindicated by forcing him to acknowledge the consequences of his own actions.

At the very least, however, you have Oscar.

You’d gotten to know him relatively well in 2023, not to the same extent that you knew Lando of course, but Oscar had filled a brother-shaped hole in your heart that you hadn’t even known was there. His teasing was shy at first, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to act that way with you, but the ribbing you’d given back had been assurance enough and he’d been a steady presence at your side ever since, cracking jokes at your expense.

There’s an unspoken agreement between the two of you that you both act as an escape. It was never acknowledged, it kind of just came to be as you both got to know one another, but you’re to Oscar what Oscar is to you━ the person you can go to when you need to pretend your more serious problems don’t exist and when you don’t really want anyone asking questions.

That’s why it surprises you when Oscar asks, “What’s going on between you and Lando?”

There’s nobody else in the car park, the sky is dark and most of the staff have already gone home or━ in the case of a few engineers━ won’t be leaving until the sun is rising tomorrow morning. The silence makes Oscar’s voice sound a bit louder, a bit harsher, a bit more like being doused in cold water.

It’s easy enough to ignore the reality of the problems between you and Lando when you hide behind your frustration. It’s even easier when Lando is so frustratingly good at pissing you off and keeping you in a haze of annoyance that perpetuates your justification of letting the tension linger. It’s hard to miss the closeness when you’re too busy being angry at him.

But the quiet emptiness of the world around you now gives you nothing to hide behind and nowhere to run━ not from Oscar’s scary perception, which has never before been locked on to you.

“Not really sure what you mean,” you answer after a moment. “Me and Lando are fine.”

It sounds as fake as it is.

“Yeah,” he scoffs. “Because whatever that tension was today was totally ‘fine.’”

The only real downside to having Oscar fill the brotherly role in your life is that he can be just as annoying as one.

You heave a sigh and shrug, “I don’t really know what you want me to say.”

“Try starting from the beginning.”

You’re at your car now, with your keys in your hand. It would be easy to get in, drive away, and ignore it all. That’s what you and Oscar use each other for anyway━ it’s your dynamic. If you really told him to drop it, you know he would. A single word would make it all go away and you could show up tomorrow morning still pretending like nothing’s different.

But the only other person who knows about everything with Garrett is Jack, and you don’t have him anymore.

So you do. You start from the beginning.

“I’m not actually dating Garrett Ward,” you say. If Oscar’s shocked at the revelation, he doesn’t show it. His face is calm and blank, and it reassures you to continue. “He needed someone to be his pretend girlfriend so he could fix his reputation, and he blackmailed me into agreeing by threatening to make up rumors that would ruin my career.”

You lean against the side of your car, fiddling with your keys. “Right after it happened, I kept trying to reach Lando. Nobody else knew and I was alone and afraid━ I didn’t know what to do but I thought that he, as my best friend, would at least be able to help me calm down and rationalize. But he never answered me.”

Oscar hums.

“When he did finally call━” you bite down on your lip when you feel tears burn at the back of your eyes, “━he berated me the entire time and asked how dumb I had to be to date Garrett of all people. Then, he proceeded to tell me exactly what people online had to say about me and my choices. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain what was going on.”

You heave out a sigh and tip your head back until you’re staring up at the never-ending expanse of the night sky. The clouds from earlier are still there, blocking out the stars and leaving it all an abyss of black.

“He still hasn’t apologized,” you mutter, sniffling. “He hasn’t said a word to me since then.”

Oscar’s quiet for another moment. He’s got his hands shoved into his pockets, and his eyes are focused on where he’s kicking the toe of his shoe down against the pavement. The tap, tap, tap is all there is for a moment, and then he hums again.

“Lando can be a real twat sometimes.”

You burst into laughter, startled. You give Oscar an incredulous look, and he shrugs.

“I mean,” he starts again, “he’s a good dude, but sometimes he can just be stupid. He does something dumb and even though he knows he’s wrong, he doesn’t know what to do about it or how to make it better, so he doesn’t do anything and just hopes that it’ll fix itself on its own.”

You nod. “That sounds pretty accurate.”

Oscar lets himself rest beside you, pulling his hands from his pockets so he can cross his arms. “I’m not saying you need to let this go, but talk to him, yeah? He was able to dodge your calls and texts, but you’re here now and he can’t dodge a face to face conversation for forever.”

“I was gonna try and really sell things with Garrett to rub it in his face,” you admit.

It makes Oscar laugh, and then you’re both laughing and it feels good to have this again.

“You know,” you breathe out when you eventually fade back into silence. “I think I’m in love with him.”

“Garrett?”

“No. Lando.”

Oscar hums.

“I think one of the reasons his whole spiel pissed me off so much is that I’ve been pining after him for years now, pushing it down so that I don’t ruin things or make it awkward━ trying to get over him,” you rub at your eyes, pressing as if it’ll erase the memory of what Lando’s grin looks like and how warm it makes you feel when you’re the one who puts it there. "But then he goes and does things like this and it frustrates me but it also gives me hope that maybe he feels the same way, because why would he get so upset about this if he didn’t?”

“I think you should really talk with him,” is all Oscar says, before pushing off from your car and walking away.

━━ tags: @maih23 @urfavnoirette @leclercsluv @f1luvur @formulaal @a-disturbing-self-reflection @starlightpierre @chezmardybum @marshmummy @405rry @sideboobrry11 @d3kstar @mcmuppet @happylittlereader @casperlikej @5starl1ght @bellezaycafe @whentheautumnleavesfall @mess-is-my-aesthetic @ssprayberrythings @landosgirlxoxo @lifelessfan @81ja @wcnorris @a-disturbing-self-reflection (CLOSED).

━━ a/n: i have mixed opinions on how this part came out. it's a bit filler-y, but trying to include anything more would make this singular part longer than i want it to be. but it's also very late (early?) at the moment and i've been staring at this for hours trying to get it done up as fast as i can, so perhaps that's why. anyway, i hope you enjoy!

[agendabymooner]

sweet spoiled husband (+ son) ! sebastian vettel x ofc (filipino!ofc)

summary: there’s nothing more swoon-worthy than bel ong-vettel’s constant fawning over the retired german driver. AND mick schumacher can be anything. hell, he can also be the vettels’ child for a week as he travels to philippines to visit the couple.

content warning: mick schumacher <3, tweets at the first post, whipped!ofc being in love with seb and their son mick, seb being an afam (iykyk; for my halo halo homies, ily), wealthy and celebrity!ofc

note: i miss philippines. chile anyway, here’s some seb and mick content. p.s. I DO NOT OWN THESE PHOTOS, i got them from pinterest. also, you should see the tweets in full view 💕

masterlist

liked by mickschumacher, ginaschumacher, georgerussell63

mickschumacher from what i hear, i wouldn’t want to leave either 😅 liked by belongvettel

belongvettel until the personal space gets invaded hahaha!

user1 god has favourites and its the two of them

user2 god has a favourite and its sebastian vettel

user3 god has a favourite and its their dog hi-ro

georgerussell63 he’s really one-upping toto with all those shirts huh 🤣 liked by belongvettel

belongvettel i swear he never got the idea from toto 😭 it’s the retirement epiphany i suppose

georgerussell63 AH that’s more like it 👌

user4 THAT IS NOT SEB?!

user5 MAAM THAT CLOSET DOES NOT BELONG TO SEBASTIAN

user6 cut the cameras. deadass.

tagged belongvettel

liked by lewishamilton, danielricciardo, landonorris

user1 NAW THEY ACTUALLY TOOK HIM SHOPPING IN THE BAZAARS TOO 😭

user2 they took you to intramuros??? you are their favourite child 🤓

lewishamilton look at those two! so sweet 😍

belongvettel thank you so much for visiting us, mick! you’re more than welcome to stay for as long as you like (unless we live in switzerland, but of course you’re also welcome there) 🫶 liked by mickschumacher

mickschumacher i want more of those coconut shake please

belongvettel consider it done!

user3 i know the whole grid is foaming in the mouth rn after they saw you travel for free 😩

oscarpiastri jealous tbh

landonorris mate spare some schumacher genes, it’s the only way i’ll get noticed

mickschumacher 😘 no, i’d rather be an only child

ginaschumacher 👁️👄👁️

user4 bro forgot he had a sister lmfao 💀

user5 i just know that mick’s gonna be the talk of the grid when he returns from his vacation 😭😭

tagged mickschumacher

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris, maxverstappen1

mickschumacher looking forward to it!! liked by belongvettel

georgerussell63 the only time mick got a driver’s seat this season is seen at the last photo hahaha

mickschumacher don’t be jealous i have better shirtless photos than you 😡

user1 FACE OFF?!!! who has better shirtless photos

user2 bel please 😭 you fed us with too much shirtless mick photos

user3 sorry guys i drooled a lil

user4 lMAO NOT GEORGE VIOLATING MICK 😭😭

landonorris mickschumacher did you burn your tongue drinking the first pic too?

mickschumacher no 😅

belongvettel yes 😅

landonorris hi belongvettel can you take me to a trip next??? and oscar??? and max??? and danny???

user5 bel rn: “this is not the kind of charity i do” liked by mickschumacher

[ynbabe]

Lockwood & Co. Incorrect quotes, pt.6

Before Lucy 

Y/n: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks! Anthony: Why would I do that? Y/n: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

*The Squad is eating dinner* George: Can you pass the salt? Anthony: *throws Y/n across the table*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

George, after Anthony did something stupid: You should have realised, Anthony, if Y/n didn't kill you, I would have.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk? Anthony: The final boss. George: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right? Y/n: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony, in love: How do you do that? Y/n, after having done something dumb: I'm fearless. George, having introduced the idiots and now regretting it: When we were kids, I saw you run from bees. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Y/n: I'm mostly fearless.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: My aesthetic is "would be sentenced to the chair by DEPRAC."

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: Who hurt you? Anthony, always on the edge of a mental breakdown: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Y/n, pulling out ALOT of iron/silver weapons: ...Yes, actually.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! Y/n: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long line of violence. Anthony: Oh... George, from across the room: *from across the room* I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. George: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Y/n: Lmao, @Anthony.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: I hate you. Y/n: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony, after a fight with Y/n: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing her name to Y/n.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n, grave-robbing: I’m going to hell. Anthony, there for a case: Probably. Y/n: I'll pick you up? Anthony: *nodding* Carpool.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony, pissed : Y/n! I thought you were dead! Y/n, back after running away for a year: No, just in deep cover. Anthony, about to lose his mind: ...But it was an open casket. Y/n, little scared now: It was very deep.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: Hold on, I can explain! Anthony: Really? Can you now? Y/n: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Since Lucy

George, trying to joke: Hey, Joe said he's coming over this afternoon. Y/n, expecting a ‘delivery’: Cool. George: Do you know who Joe is? Y/n: JOE MAMA! Anthony, not even looking up from his phone: Damn, that backfired.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n, just back home: Do you cook? Lucy: I made a cake once. Anthony: Yeah, it was good. Lucy: Really? Anthony: Don’t make me lie twice, Luce.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n, back from sneaking around for state secrets: Anthony! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover. Anthony, pissed at her: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home if you were asleep or drunk. But then we got rid of the horse. George: You complete moron. You stupid fucking idiot. "Cars would be better if they could bite and shit" – that was you just now, dumbass. George: "Wouldn't it be cool if cars could piss? Wouldn't it be cool if cars could fuck?" Fuck off. Y/n: It would be cool if cars could fuck. Lucy: We... We still have horses.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony, to Y/n, since they’re sharing a room,: I'm leaving for the weekend, so I hid 100 dollars in your side of the room for food. Clean your side and you will find it.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy: It’s funny how well you and George get along. Didn’t they hate you at first? Y/n: George hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I just found out from Lucy today that when I ‘died’ and George threw my weapons in the grave, Anthony said, “You should aim one at the coffin to be sure.”

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I give up. I am so tired. George: Get the emergency supply! Lucy: *carries Anthony and throws him in front of Y/n* Anthony: *smiles* Y/n: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

[totallysora]

Newsies (1992)

Ok so these are some things from 92sies! Icl I never actually had time to rewatch it so this is all from memory 😔 There is deffo more and at some point I will actually rewatch it and add to it, but this is all I have for now!

Crutchy is a cutie 

Oscar mocking blink

For a group of kids who can’t actually sing they actually sound rlly good when they’re singning together 😭

Crutchy being stressed out at the start of carrying the banner

CRUTCHY OK I LOVED HIM SM 😕 Him messing with the newspapers 😭

“Nobody told the horse >:(” - Racetrack Higgins 1899

SANTA FE 🥰 For someone who clearly can’t sing HE DIDNT ACTUALLY DO A BAD JOB OK 😭

SPOT 🥰🥰 

“Never fear Brooklyn’s here” - Spot Conlon 1899 

Race and the others all asking synder to donate 😭 AND HIM ACTUALLY DOING IT 💀

Kloppmann 😻 Him protecting Jack 😭 they totally butchered his roll in the bway show but honestly I see why lmao

MEDDAAA‼️ SHE’S SO PRETTY 😕

Icl I don’t hate high times hard times I thought it was kinda fun

Everyone holding spot back ☹️ honestly I would’ve just let him beat his ass

THE FACT THAT SPOT ACTUALLY HAD SCREEN TIME 😻

Ok I could say this about both the bway show and the movie but in king of new york the fact that they’re all asking for rlly simple things 😕

SARAH JACOBS 🥰 SHE WAS SO PRETTY 

THE FACT THAT SHE BASICALLY BEAT THE MORRIS’ ASS

Also Denton!! Don’t get me wrong I absolutely adore Katherine but I kinda like denton tbh

THE CHOREOGRAPHY WASNT EVEN THAT BAD ICL 

“Go back to Brooklyn 😡” - A random newsies 1899 (to spot at the end lmao)

LES MF JACOBS ☹️ HE WAS SUCH A CUTIE 😭 (and he actually did look 7 so 💀) 

The delanceys were just,,,ridiculous 😭

Jack and David r somehow still gay in the movie like what 😭

SPRACE 🥰 THEY ACTUALLY INTERACT IN THE MOVIE 😻

THE WAY SPOT NODS AT RACE DURING KING OF NEW YORK WHEN HE SAYS “AINT I PRETTY”

Do you think they know how much people ship them 😭❓

Ok but spot’s eyes were actually so pretty??

“I say, that what you say, it what I say” - Spot Conlon 1899

“On the grounds of Brooklyn your honour” - Spot Conlon 1899

Can you tell I love spot

Mush bullying Jack at the start 😭

PATRICKS MOTHER 😻‼️ HER VOICE IS JUST SO UGH I LOVE IT

Crutchys laugh

“Extra extra Joe, read all about it” - Jack Kelly 1899

“Headlines don’t sell papes, newsies sell papes” - David Jacobs 1899

This wasn’t in the movie but blood drips heavily on newsies square is iconic

Ok this also wasn’t in the movie but the bloopers of crutchy mentioning the delanceys when they’re first introduced r so funny 💀

The fact Morris calls Weisel ‘uncle weas’ 😭 (I THINK DON’T QUOTE ME ON THIS 😔)

Jack on a horse,,,that’s it 😭 IT WAS SO SILLY LMAO

The whole cowboy thing with Jack is also a lil silly

Ok but Jack scabbing in this was like,,sm better done?? Don’t get me wrong I love the whole sellout thing in newsies live but cmon 

Also the fact that JACK ACTUALLY GOES TO THE REFUGE ‼️‼️

The whole spinning on the lights/fans thing in King of new york (AND HOW THEY DID IT IN UKSIES 🥰)

The way Race says “It takes and orphan with a studdah”

THE WORLD WILL KNOW‼️‼️

Once again this is from memory of watching it at Christmas so sorry if some of this is wrong 😭 If I think of anything else I’ll add it! (Also this was requested by @artemis-lynn [praying this actually tags u 🙏] sorry it took so long!)

[kels-orange-joe]

introduction ^_^ (regularly updates)

haii my name is stitch (not my real name obviously)

and yes as in the chaotic blue creature from lilo & stitch but that’s besides the point

this is my side blog!! an omori (mainly kel) themed one at that. my main blog is @stitchthelilo, and this is specifically for stimboards/sensory boards (well some other stuff too but that’s like the main thing) whatever you wanna call em, it’s also a kel fanblog cuz he is THE BEST OMORI CHARACTER!!! I WILL STAND BY THAT TIL THE DAY I DIE BECAUSE ITS TRUE

nonetheless.. i do take requests! and my status will update when they are open and stuff like that idk

i tend to use emoticons a lot and i’m a lil bit cringe so just a warning

my first time doing this so criticism is accepted with wide arms :)

the stuff you can request is what i have put in the tags section :3 (will further elaborate in rules/boundaries section)

ohh and even if you wanna request something really specific (like combining #sunny’s sketchbook and #character portraits for example) you can still request it as long as it’s something that is a combination of tags that i put

also if you want to request a prompt pls specify if you want it to be dialogue or scenarios

TAGS

#waves of orange joe = stimboards/sensory boards

#sunny’s sketchbook = art

#character portraits = pfps

#mari’s picnic blanket = flags

#headspace shenanigans = fanfics

#basils’s photo album = headcanons

#white space vibes = mood boards

#space boyfriend’s tape = playlists

#sunny’s inner mind = prompts

#the headspace alter egos = names/pronouns

RULES/BOUNDARIES

sfw interactions only!

any fandoms are accepted! some i just know more about better than others which i will get into in a bit, so please do understand.. as that is why the accuracy for some stimboards is off

i have the right to deny your request, ESPECIALLY if it’s something very icky

proshippers/comshippers, dubcon/noncon, nsfw blogs, ddlg blogs, anti-lgbtqia+, anti-religion (muslimphobic, islamophobic, etc. etc), anti-xenogender/neopronouns, anti-otherkin/therian/whateva idrk, racist, zionists, and just anyone who supports anything gross GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS BLOG DNI

please do understand i have a life and you will have to be patient, your requests will be done eventually just wait

just have common sense, if you KNOW something is bad but are still here then go away oml

feel free to just talk to me in the asks! anon or not, i’m willing to just talk, as it isn’t just for requests. you can vent or rant there too if you want, i’ll listen! you are loved remember that <3

any ships are fine as long as they aren’t illegal or anything, a personal favourite of mine is suntan :3

you may request: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, whump, slow burn, nsfw (just not smut, i’d rather not do that on a blog like this.. implied smut is ok though! and gore and heavy topics are fine too), panic attacks, all types of horror, comedy, drama, pining, mutual pining, all kinds of relationships (as long as the toxic ones are not romanticised), and basically just anything that isn’t in the you may not request part

you may not request: smut, proship/comship, dubcon/noncon, romanticisation of gross things (but if it isn’t meant to be romanticised then you can request), just anything gross really

THINGS I WILL MAKE

ocs as long as you provide pics and/or info, info is optional though ofc! but if you don’t provide it i am just gonna go off of aesthetic

total drama

danganronpa

omori

undertale/deltarune but moreso undertale

pokemon

sonic

mario

cookie run

the amazing digital circus

murder drones

smg4

bfdi/bfb/tpot

ii

hfjone

any object show really lmao

mlp

adventure time. however……. i may not be that accurate when it comes to later seasons or fionna and cake, cuz i never actually finished it or watched the spin-off, lmao sorry

gravity falls! same as adventure time though, haven’t yet finished it (but ik bill cipher and allat)

vocaloid

warriors/warrior cats (i haven’t read the books though, might not be accurate sorry)

scp foundation

bbc ghosts

she-ra: and the princesses of power

memes

garfield

the sims

among us (as cringe as that may sound, it’s a good game)

my singing monsters

the battle cats

dnd

agere/petre/agedre/petdre

otherkin/therian

furry

starters movieunleashers

hazbin hotel/helluva boss (i do NOT support vivziepop or her team, i separate content from creator because the episodes can really be good, even if they miss most of the time.. and i love the concept of both shows. I PIRATE IT Y’ALL DW I AM NOT GIVING PRIME VIDEO NOR VIVZIEPOP MY MONEY 😭)

doctor who

good omens

and much more! but i can’t be bothered adding them.. if any more of my interests are in an ask i’ll just tell y’all and edit this

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Rating Hayden Christensen movies Part 1

Thank you to @quinnsstars for the original post. I actually reblogged and added thoughts/ratings to her post but I just wanna put it in the tag in case anyone else might appreciate the ridiculous ratings and reviews lmao

Me and @jillybean1217 as we have now watched the following Hayden Christensen movies (as I’ve read in HC’s tag here on Tumblr, it’s not a Hayden flick if there’s not Tears or Tits or Both so that’s one of the Rating Categories):

Outcast

Movie: 3 / 5

Hayden: 10 / 5

Tears or Tits: Both!

I’m always going to be partial to a long on top but shaved on the sides haircut on a handsome man. Hayden is a Crusader Knight named Jacob while Nicholas Cage is a Knight named Gallain.

Hayden is so amazing in fights: super graceful in both hand to hand combat and with any type of sword. Jacob does lean towards Legolas levels of skill in this which isn’t terribly believable as he’s human, on opium (which he sticks in his mouth like it’s chewing tobacco??), and more often than not just this side of mortally wounded 😄 Yet he persists and looks so good whilst doing it. Covered in blood is a look I didn’t know i was into either, ha. The only minus for me with him was his accent went from British to Irish to Scottish, with Canadian slipping through kind of consistently.

Tears or Tits: Tears cuz he goes through physical pain and tits out cuz he bathes / has to be patched up when hurt.

Nick Cage is being Nick Cage in this so if that’s entertaining for you, you’ll be entertained when Nick pops up. Unfortunately I just remained puzzled about Crusader Knights in ancient China. Don’t think it falls under white savior though cuz dude was just trying to be on opium lol

90 Minutes In Heaven

Hayden: 1 / 5

Movie: 2 / 5

Tears or Tits: Tears

I understand if this 1980s Tom Selleck mustachioed vibe is for someone, but it is not for me. Hayden also made a choice to make his character Don Piper - based on a real person - Colonel Sanders level Southern…which was WILD cuz we get a clip of the real pastor preaching at the end of the movie and he doesn’t have an accent, like, at all.

We have referred to this as a Jesus movie as it’s produced by a company specifically making religious movies, and Christianity might as well have top billing. I’m sure the message could be for someone, just not for me.

The dramatization of the story also was too illogical and wild for me. Tell me when State Police would tell a man to go ahead and pray for a victim and then allow this random person to walk into an accident scene, climb into a mangled car and then LAY HIS HAND ON THE CORPSE to pray for the person?!? Don was also portrayed as very selfish and almost childish cuz he couldn’t understand why God had let him into heaven only to bring him back to a lot of pain and suffering. His parents, his kids, and his wife provided no inspiration for him to get his attitude together and I found myself actively disliking him.

Tears or Tits: Tears, usually of pain, and some wild noises that out of context? I could appreciate 🤐

I love (and miss) rom coms which is what this is so I was down. I am such a sucker and a sap, I’ll watch the same plot 72 different ways (i watch all the Hallmark autumn movies every year). This is in no way original which doesn’t have to be a bad thing but this could have been done better. Tropes include: childhood friends to enemies, fck boi/sleep with everyone, rival families, leaving small neighborhood and return, 1-on-1 competition with each other.

Little Italy

Movie: 3.5 / 5

Hayden: 4 / 5

Tears or Tits: Tits

Leo Campoli (how he’s introduced at a local fest) / Leo Campo (how the character is credited at the end of the flick) is adorable. I’m just confused by his - and everyone’s - New York accents? Cuz the film takes place in Little Italy in TORONTO CANADA! I guess everyone thought “Italian accent” somehow was equivalent to New York accent which was disappointing.

Despite being the neighborhood bicycle, Leo is sweet, helpful and thoughtful. Super adorable. And i like his dark hair, makes his eyes pop. It’s just funny that they obviously did reshoots or shot at some point after the original shoot cuz his hair is distracting in its difference

And I just love this one of him "dancing"

Unfortunately Emma Roberts plays the other romantic lead and I don’t like her as a person (mean girl and transphobe). I also found her character unlikable in her “I’m better than my home” attitude, as well as just found her devoid of charisma or charm. If I’m not rooting for both leads in a rom com, it’s not a great movie for me.

Tears or tits: Tits! Gratuitous and wonderful

BONUS! He plays soccer in the rain.

I have plot bunnies for all of these characters (not proud about the phone sex PWP for the pastor lmaooooo) now lol

[gamerwoo]

hansol: the lovers playlist

characters: hansol x female reader (sorta reader x jackson wang lmfao)

genre/warnings: idol au, best friends to strangers, getting over a ‘breakup’, not really angst but not really fluff???, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex but it’s all implied and nothing actually happens they’re just talking about sex, reader and co are partying so i feel like it’s illegal if jackson wang doesn’t show up at least once lmao

word count: 951

summary: the best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun

tag list: @anissanightyoung @aceofvernons @mythicalamphitrite @caratluvie @juliettechokilo @liemwantstosleep @rubyreduji @ohchangyu @mingyublues @minluvly @honeyylin @miki-chi @heemingyu @noraehey @awkwardnesshabitat @floweryjessy @woozarts @anothershorthuman @shuabby1994 @vernxnsfool @ti--red @etaerealboy @plants-w0rld​ (if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!)

a/n: things in bold italics are song lyrics and things written in plain bold are in english

previous song | next song | back to playlist

‘Let’s go girls.’

Hearing that sentence alone could make you throw a bus. There was something about some good ol’ Shania that really got you going. And this exact song was exactly what you needed to hear while getting ready to go out that night.

“Do you think they’d play this if I asked?” you absentmindedly asked your members as you tried to fix your eyeliner.

“I don’t think anyone else in the club would really like the song as much as you and Mari,” Jieun chuckled as she pressed her false eyelashes into her real ones. 

“I’ll pay them any amount of money.”

“Don’t tell them that,” Eunji warned. “They’ll get you to.”

Your members were happy to see you were finally feeling at least a little better. You were hiding away in your room less, which was improvement. So they decided to take advantage of your more optimistic state to go out for the night. But this time, they decided to go out to one of those clubs that was specifically for ‘celebrities’ or whatever. It wasn’t so much that they didn’t want to be noticed or have anything put on the internet, but they were more so concerned for you. They figured the less stress, the better for your mental health.

As the twelve of you finished getting ready, you sang along softly to the music -- as opposed to Mira who was full-on belting the lyrics, pausing in between touching up her blush to use her brush as a microphone.

When the song was over, you paused your makeup to look over to Mira, saying, “I think we need to listen to that again.”

She smirked with a nod as she grabbed her phone, “I like the way you think. Pregame, anyone?”

-

Pregaming would’ve been a good call, had Soey’s boyfriend and his group not shown up. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them -- you adored them, actually -- it was just that they were being a little too...generous.

Back during your trainee days, it was relatively common to run into senior groups. Soey just so happened to end up sneaking around with a certain Kim Taehyung because he was worried people would think he was taking advantage of a trainee with his senior status. When your group formed, you and the rest of the girls had a pretty big suspicion, but neither of them would admit it until about a month into your debut. They were still hidden to the public, but their respective social circles were aware that they were an item.

So seeing your groups together, Namjoon took it upon himself to order a round of shots. You’d already done 3 back at the dorms, but one more wouldn’t hurt, right?

But then Taehyung declared another round, announcing, “For ______ to get over her situationship!”

Of course Taehyung knew all about you and Vernon. Soey told him everything. But that didn’t really mean that he told all of his members. He didn’t have much reason to bring up you or Hansol, so he kept those details to himself.

“What happened?” Jimin frowned upon hearing this.

You were already feeling the affects of the alcohol, so you leaned against the bar and rolled your eyes, launching yourself into this big schpiel about what had happened between you and Seventeen’s Vernon. And the members listened diligently -- even Yoongi, who seemed more preoccupied sipping his whiskey and staring down at his glass, but still kept his ears trained on your voice.

And that was the beginning of your drunken downfall, because now all of them felt bad and wanted you to have your fantastic ‘getting over him’ night. Taehyung bought a round of shots, Jimin bought you a cocktail, and then Hoseok bought you another when your first was gone. And because of their connections and them introducing you to other people, they were buying you free shots and drinks as well, just as a friendly way to say ‘nice to meet you’.

One of those people was, of course, Jackson Wang. Namjoon had introduced him as an ‘avid partier’, to which you had made a joke about liking to party, as well. So you two naturally gravitated toward each other -- though were you more sober, you probably wouldn’t have gotten that far. You had too much alcohol in you for the amount of confidence you had, and your stupid ego just kept getting more and more inflated with each stupid pick-up line Jackson threw at you with his sweet smile and twinkling eyes. He might’ve just been trying to sleep with you, or maybe he was genuinely flirting, or maybe he was just trying to be nice but the alcohol was making him a little too bold. Either way, your growing god complex was obsessed with it and wanted more.

“Can I ask you something?” Jackson said out of the blue as the two of you sat on one of those fancy leather couches where you’d typically see VIP people sitting and ordering drinks with their entourages.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Since you said you like to party so much,” he began with a smirk, “can I ask what your favorite song to party to is? I’m friends with the DJ so I figured maybe I could play it for you.”

He probably assumed you’d say some trashy 2000′s song that you could grind against him to. He probably thought playing a song you liked would lead to something a little hotter than what the reality was.

Because a gasp left your mouth as your eyes went wide, and a dumb, wide smile spread across your face as you asked, “Y’know Shania Twain?”

[ugetelynx]

20 questions for fic authors!

Was tagged by the lovely @wisecrackingeric-2 thanks eric <33

1, How many works do you have?

I only have 12 posted for now mainly cause I’ve been struggling to finish fics but I PROMISE I have a TON of content when I get around to finishing them :)

2, Ao3 word count?

94,524 lmao 😭 didn’t think it’d be that much with only 12 fics considering most are only around 1-4k in length with the occasional 6k (with 28-29k from my two multi chapter fics)

3, What fandoms do you write for?

Resident evil mostly, with the occasional genshin thrown in :)

4, What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. It Starts With Love (And It Ends With You)

2. We’ll Be Alright

3. Wake Me Up When It’s All Over

4. Blissful Body Worship (NSFW) (You need an account to read)

5. Tension (NSFW) (same thing, sorry but I try and limit the people who see my nsfw fics lmao)

5, Do you respond to comments?

Not at all the time!!!! 90% of the time I don’t know how to reply but TRUST I see EVERY SINGLE ONE <333 I may not respond but I can guarantee I’m probably giggling like a kid over it

6, What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’m gonna have to say Love Me Like We Have It All on this one, while one fic has canonical character death in it, I’d still say this one is more angsty cause the other one is grief focused and this one is just ouchie at least to me!!

7, What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It’s gonna be We’ll Be Alright but it’s still a W.I.P so I’ll say my re4r rewrite (It Starts With Love (And It Ends With You)) has the happiest ending instead lmao

8, Do you get hate on fics?

Surprisingly no! Even when I wrote trans luis sex I’ve gotten nothing but support lol. One day though I’ll get to frame my first hate comment 🙏

9, Do you write smut?

Who do you think I am? Of course I do lmao. My only two published/finished nsfw fics are Blissful Body Worship and Tension, but I do have an re6 serennedy smut in the works along with a Great Gatsby x Serennedy au smut (same with some scaraxiao smut)

10, Crossovers?

Never done one, never plan too 🙏 I’ve made aus and such (points at my great gatsby x resident evil au) but i’ve never done crossovers nor plan too. Too much headache for me lmao

11, Ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12, Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13, Ever co-wrote a fic before?

Yes actually! My friend and I have been working on a genshin au fic but its currently on pause due to our irl lives

14, What’s your all time favorite ship?

*Looks up from my fifty serennedy drawings* Huh

15, What’s a wip you wanna finish but doubt you ever will?

My mermaid au that was supposed to be for @hamartia-grander’s serennedy week :(

I lost so much motivation during that time and despite being SO excited about my mermaid au I just couldn’t push myself to finish it and whenever I go back to try and finish it my mind blanks on where I wanna take the fic :(

Really sucks cause I adored the concept and my initial thoughts for the AU

16, What are your writing strengths?

I have. No fucking idea my friends can answer this one for me they read my fics before BAKCNSKC

17, What are your writing weaknesses?

Not knowing when it’s.. too many words. Or too little words 😓

I love have long descriptions cause they’re fun to write but I’ve been told it gets too much, but I also get told if I don’t write descriptions and such it makes it feel too short

So I struggle to find a medium if that makes sense

18, Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I’m learning Spanish for this exact reason :) I love having Luis speak Spanish in my fics so I’m learning both to better write it and to be able to communicate with my friends easier!

Big thank you to @mooseonahunt for helping me now and again with it!

19, First fandom you wrote for?

Resident Evil :) my first ever fic was my resi4make rewrite

20, Favorite fic you’ve written?

Not to toot my own horn but my current favorite fic is my how to train your dragon x resident evil au :) it’s a wip right now, and might even turn into a multi-chapter fic who knows! But so far I’m really proud with what I’ve got going!

[xjustakay]

20 questions for fic writers;;

thank youuu lovelies for tagging me @grimjobs and @pinkthekla <33

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

too many lmfao. 56 all together now, one of them is on the microfics pseud

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

391,215 words. and counting. god help me lmfao.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

presently, just jegulus/the marauders now. on my ao3 from writing i’ve done in the past; golden trio era hp, star wars sequels (my single reylo fic lmao), and dc’s titans (yes the crappy hbo max show, we don’t need to talk about it)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Far Too Young to Die — black brothers centric, canon-divergence two shot; reg ends up running away with sirius. ft. jegulus & wolfstar (first marauders fic i ever wrote surprise lol, my actual firstborn child)

Better to Burn Than to Fade Away — reg got picked on at quidditch practice and his bf and brother are mad about it (technically pt.3 to the ftytd series started from above fic)

Stardust In My Eyes — jeggy summer stargazing fluff, that’s it that’s the whole fic (pt.2 of the ftytd series lol)

Pumpkin Pasties and Broom Polish — little microfic thing where sirius found out reg smells james in amortentia lmao

put your love on me — the last time i’ll write a very specific triad bc a lot of their shippers ruined it for me :) plus i like other ships for them all more anyway in case that wasn’t obvious (it’s jegulily, spare yourself the click if needed lmao)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yesss, i like to thank people for being there at all lmao<3

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i wrote an angsty little black brothers thing of sirius leaving/getting kicked out and the two of them fighting and saying some not exactly great things to each other that was inspired by a tiktok edit i saw of regulus to you’re on your own kid by taylor swift so that was a little rough lol also back when i was writing a lot in the fremione section of fandom i wrote a oneshot where fred was dead and hermione and george essentially ended up using each other to cope with his loss bc they both knew and loved him the most and were having a rough time without him so :) that was a time

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mm i’m kind of a sucker for happy endings and very very few of my fics have sad ones. the majority of my fics have happy endings (or will end up having them once they’re finished lol) so this is a tough answer lol

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thankfully! i’ve only ever gotten like one or two comments that came off a little snarky or judgy but i just snarked back lmao. and then there was one fic i caught someone being lame bc they rated it in their bookmark tag for it but it wasn’t hateful. still blocked the person though lmao

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

shockingly to a past!kay somewhere in the multiverse, yes lol. i used to be like deeply intimidated by it but now we wild out a little bit from time to time on it. it varies.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no not really. i’ve half-jokingly had convos with a couple friends about random crossover ideas but not like in a legitimate “i’m gonna write that” way. love au’s but crossovers are not really for me

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope! or certainly not that i’m aware of anyway lmao

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, actually! an old drabble of mine is translated into spanish, and my jegulus specific oneshot in the far too young to die series was translated into russian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but hopefully in a not yet sort of way, because i’m not opposed

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

all time feels like SUCH a hard question to answer agksjdjfndlslk like obviously jeggy is The Fave rn but all time?? suddenly blanking on everything i’ve ever shipped. maybe everlark? never ever getting over them tbh.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

honestly there’s like a wip graveyard at this point lol. like things that came to me super randomly and i thought were great for like a day and then either forgot about entirely or looked back on them and went mmm actually no. for multiple ships and fandoms too, like not even just jegulus lol. most wips that aren’t jegulus (or tangentially related in the case of the ongoing coast universe) are full stop at this point bc jegulus is the street i live on

16. What are your writing strengths?

i like to think i’m pretty good with dialogue and showcasing characterizations through the way they interact with people around them. also character internal monologues, i really like to dive into those little dudes’ brains and spit it all out for everyone who reads it to see even if other characters in the story don’t necessarily know. a couple people have told me that i also have a way of sneaking in individual stand alone lines that pack a punch in between otherwise unsuspecting and innocent things, so i guess maybe that too??

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i’m very wordy sometimes and i’m aware of it, like sometimes i just lose all ability to shut up and suddenly i have an exorbitant word count i didn’t initially plan for. in that same vein, run-on sentences and i are bff’s. i’ll have a friggin semicolon, four commas, AND an em dash all in one sentence. and for WHAT?? also sometimes i feel like i could be better with my descriptive writing because i focus a lot more on character depth or interactions and such, much more character stuff than setting stuff bc i’m just like -gestures vaguely- here they are.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i have so much respect for writers that speak other languages and then include it in their works. i, personally, only speak english so i don’t tempt fate by google translating my way through something that’s potentially wrong in the end anyway

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i dabbled in some one direction back in the day, i won’t lie

20. Favourite fic you've written?

it’s like, one of the newest but honestly coast —baby, all i wanna do is coast (with you). if you haven’t seen me shorten it before lol— is it. it’s one of the works that i’m most proud of and consistently excited about. there’s so much TO it, so much more than it seems, and a lot of it isn’t even there yet because it’s not finished, and because i know there’s spin-offs/sequels to come to bring even more layers of the story all together, but honestly that fic is so fucking special to me and i have so much love for all the characters and their relationships in it that it being the favorite just fits<3

no pressure taaaags: @messerflower, @residentrookie, @regscupid, @pretentiouswreckingball mwah<3

[narcolini]

the first drop

juice ortiz & oc: ava gomez x oc: sebastian, 1970 words

warnings for depictions of kidnapped hostages

for day 20 of whumpril: sensory deprivation | ‘where am i?’

a/n: ive officially gone mad with power, because now im doing SOA crossover prequels with the in his shadow babes.. i can’t even explain myself. i just needed to see ava being kind to juice LMAO

tagging: @drabbles-mc @cositapreciosa @hausofmamadas​ 

She was younger then. Young enough to act with her heart and nothing else, which could’ve ended worse than it did. Would have, even, if Sebastian wasn’t the way he was. The club came first, sure, but only after Ava.

‘You shouldn’t be here,’ he said, hands on her hips. He was sitting on a stool by the bar, half his usual height, but eye level with her, standing in the spread of his knees. He sighed, thumbs toying with her belt loops. ‘But.’

She smiled, echoing him, ‘But.’ He could never send her away—unless she was in actual danger, then he kept her far enough that she wouldn’t know about it, until it was done already. ‘No-one will know,’ she reassured him, stroking a hand through his hair. He’d just started to grow it long, past his ears, a style that he kept right until the end. ‘They’ll call when it’s time to move them, right?’

He nodded.

‘Then I’ll be gone before anyone even knows.’

‘You got it all worked out, huh?’ A kiss, stolen from her lips, words said smirking into the skin afterwards. ‘You’re more Mayan than I am.’

But she was just visiting, taking the opportunity to kill some time with him, alone in the clubhouse. He was the one on duty, playing guard to the two men tied up in the room behind.

‘Are they important?’ she asked, inclining her head to the back.

He sniffed, shrugging. That was his tell. Not lying, but not spilling secrets either.

‘You won’t tell me?’ she assumed, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. ‘Too dangerous?’

‘Mhmm.’ Another kiss, he was hungry for it. His teeth grazed her bottom lip as he pulled back again. ‘Part of another club,’ he admitted after, sparing what little information he could. ‘Not civilians.’

Because that made all the difference to her then. That made it palatable. They weren’t innocent, but club on club warfare was hardly safe.

‘Sounds risky.’

He smiled, deflecting any worry with the white of his teeth. ‘Risk’s my middle name, chula.’

Her laugh was interrupted by the shrill of his phone, blaring from his chest pocket. He patted her thighs, signalling for her to give him space to stand, then disappeared with it out the front. Another precaution of his: he never took calls that could be incriminating in front of her. Always answered them in another room with an apologetic look, a flash of a tight-lipped smile before he went.

It didn’t bother her. She was there for him, not to eavesdrop. She was about to leave, she was, assuming the call was the signal that the rest were coming back—but then she heard it. Movement from the room Sebastian had told her to steer clear of.

It wasn’t loud, or noticeably human really. It sounded like dogs against a door, scratching and scratching, nails to the wood. There were no dogs, of course, just two men. But the repetition was the same. The desperation was the same. She had never been good at ignoring that, heart over head.

Just a minute. Just while he was on the phone.

She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge behind the bar and went, hot-footing before she could be stopped, before she had time to think better of it herself. Because she would’ve, right? She would’ve recognised the recklessness of it eventually.

The door wasn’t even locked when she got to it, just pulled shut and left like any other day. When she slipped through, she half expected to find them both pressed against the other side of it, but they weren’t, because no one had been pawing at it the way dogs do.

It was a bedroom, one of the spare dorms for members to crash in. Curtains drawn, dark, stale like it hadn’t been aired out in a while. It smelt like damp, or sweat. Some chemical she didn’t recognise.

They were tied to the bed frame opposite, sat on the floor with their arms behind their backs. Hoods over their heads, legs forced to sit crossed, knees straining against two pairs of jeans. The one on the left was slumped still, bagged-head facing down toward his lap, body leaning forward from the anchor of his tied hands.

The other was the source of the noise. He was awake, she could see the rise and fall of his chest from where she stood, elevated by his panic. The scratching had been the sound of zip-ties, rubbed up and down on the frame behind him frantically, relentlessly. Like the rounded metal would ever bore through the plastic of them.

It would only take a minute. She didn’t even have to remove his hood.

‘Careful,’ she said, quiet but enough of a surprise to make him jump still, his back hitting the end of the bed with a rattle. ‘You’ll do more damage to your wrists than the ties.’

She was in front of him now, on one knee. The second time she spoke, he had stilled, chest heaving, but panic easing. Her voice was registering with him then, proving to be less of a threat. She was a woman. It made a difference. He didn’t flinch when he felt her shoe against his own, or her fingers around the hemline of the hood.

‘Where am I?’ he asked, stuttering at first.

‘I can’t tell you that.’ She folded it up a couple inches, over his chin, until it stayed. Just high enough to leave his mouth free. ‘I brought you some water.’ Her hands were shaking slightly, knowing the time pressure, the risk, but her voice stayed steady.

He swallowed, then took in a breath big enough to make him cough, desperate for the cool, unrestricted air. ‘Jax?’ he asked afterwards, which she could only assume was the name of the man beside him.

He hadn’t moved still.

‘He must’ve had a bigger dose of whatever they gave you.’ She leant across and put her hand under the other hood to press two fingers to his throat. There was pulse, slow but regular. ‘He’s fine,’ she told him, ‘just asleep.’

The first man nodded, his cover slipping back over this lip slightly. They didn’t have time for conversation. She shouldn’t be telling him anything at all, had probably caused some domino effect she couldn’t even imagine just by opening the door and looking in.  

‘Here.’ She unscrewed the water bottle, holding it up to his mouth. ‘Have some.’

His head must have been spinning, his tongue must’ve been dry enough to make every breath feel like a gag, but he refused it still. Set his lips together when she began to tip the bottle.

‘It’s water,’ she insisted, trying to hide her urgency. To him, rushing would make it sound like whatever she was offering was dangerous, a threat. ‘Look, I’ll have some.’ She pulled the bottle back, taking a large gulp from it. She did it as audibly as possible, because he couldn’t see at all, made sure to slosh the water against the rim, to swallow loud and sigh afterwards. A dumb theatre, but it was all she could think to do.

‘The fuck is this?’ he breathed, voice pinching. He was beginning to panic again, wrists tugging against the bars behind. Zip-ties scratching. ‘Where the fuck am I?’

‘Shh, shh.’ It was infectious, his panic. She shouldn’t be in here. Sebastian was only taking a call. ‘What’s your name?’ she asked, spouting the first thing that came to mind. ‘I’m Ava.’

He stopped wriggling. A tear ran down his cheek, from the eyes beneath the black cloth.

‘I’m not even supposed to be in here,’ she confessed. She definitely wasn’t supposed to have given him her name, either. The reality of that was beginning to set in. ‘So, I help you, and you help me, by forgetting I was ever here, okay?’

There was a fraction of movement, a half-committed nod. ‘Juice.’ He panted, swallowed back the dryness of his voice. ‘I’m Juice.’

‘Okay, Juice.’ She put the bottle to his mouth again, tilting it with him as he put his head back. ‘Sorry.’ Some spilled from the lip, wet down his chin, not that it mattered. It obviously didn’t matter. He was drinking like he hadn’t in days.

Had it been days? She didn’t even know how long they’d been in there.

When he pulled away, she did too, re-capping the bottle. She couldn’t leave it there, he didn’t have the hands free to use it.

‘Thank-you.’ He was breathing slower then, and not bothering to lick the water from his lips, but instead enjoying the relief of it. Just for a little longer.

She sat back onto the heels of her shoes. You’re welcome felt inappropriate. She was part of the crime now. She could have easily cut him free if she wanted to, could have let him slip out the back with Jax over his shoulder, and claimed she had nothing to do with it. But her heart only went so far. She was scared too.

‘I should—’

The door swung open behind her, wood hitting the closet beside loud enough to make them both jump. She was on her feet, water bottle scattering away from her, before he had even said anything—it could only have ever been Sebastian. There was no-one else around and conscious.

‘Sorry,’ she said, apologising already.

He was speaking over her, sharp brows tugged together, his face livid. It wasn’t anger, really, but fear, disbelief.  ‘The fuck, A…?’ He stopped himself, stealing her name back defensively, as if she hadn’t already given it to Juice on her own accord. ‘No puedes estar aquí.’ He was panting, head shaking. Tongue slipping into spanish for the sake of secrecy.

‘I was just giving him water.’ She couldn’t offer anything but English herself, her brain had frozen in the panic of getting caught. ‘That’s all.’

‘Water?’ He crossed the room in a step, hand reaching for the folded hood. ‘No es una casita, nena.’ He tugged it down roughly, hiding Juice’s mouth and chin again, before turning back to her. ‘No sabes que lo peligroso es esto? Si algún chingamadre…’

She followed his meaning well enough. If it got back to the rest of the club, or worse, the Sons themselves. If anyone connected her, to this, to them. ‘He didn’t see my face,’ she rushed, head shaking.

Juice was sitting statue-like, obviously awake but doing his best to act otherwise. He could’ve said something. He could’ve used her name in his favour, and made a threat, scared Sebastian into making a deal for their release. But he said nothing. Just sat there listening, shoulders rising and falling with each cutting breath.

‘Oyó tu voz,’ Sebastian insisted, grinding it through his teeth. He took her by the arm then, pulling her with him, back across the room and through the doorway. ‘Fuck, Ava,’ he muttered, shutting the door behind him. ‘You know how much shit I’d be in if the guys knew about this?’

But it was just water. And they made a deal, right? Juice would forget she was even there.

She paled regardless. ‘You won’t tell them, will you?’

He sighed, staring at the wood for a moment before replying. ‘You need to go,’ he said, ‘they’re on their way back.’

He wasn’t looking at her, but when he did, glancing up before he could step away, he saw the doubt printed across her features. The worry that she’d gone too far this time; that she’d tripped up and he wouldn’t catch her.

‘Of course I won’t,’ he added, frowning. ‘Why would I?’

Because she came first, she always came first.

[scarsmood]

how do you know you wont act upon the urges? doesnt the whole "searching out for more" thing about porn still apply to paraphilias? do you not fear of getting too comfortable and accepting of your paraphilias? how do you not fear of slipping up and acting on them?

Tw rape and paraphilia discussion

Here’s the thing you don’t know me lmao. I just make little tumblr post’s and that isn’t indicative to who I am as a person 24/7.

You have to accept your paraphilias actually that’s a healthy thing to do. You might be getting acceptance crossed with encouragement. You might wanna check my b3astiality tag but some studies found that actual beastiality isnt often committed from sexual attraction it’s usually motivated from other means. I think more often its commited sadozoophilia or sadistic zoophilia where you enjoy animals in pain.

I dont have that lol, i also am not afraid im gonna “do it” because i cant even act out my zoophilia specifically cause i only like animals x animals. So if i “lost it” the worst thing i could do is idk?? Watch animals get nasty like a little creep. Issue is i also only really get sexually attracted to animals like threatening wolves. So id specifically have to seek out tigers? Cause thats kinda close, even then its iffy. Probably isn’t gonna do anything for me tbh cause its still so far off.

It means typically what’s happening is my system is getting down w it internally or someone wants to do feral rp. You could commission art i guess. That’s still not that “crazy”

Let’s pick something else though. I have a few paraphilias and my zoophilia is basically useless. It’s not something I’m ever worried about but how about biastophilia or rape. That’s if you ask me much more worrying. Very real world and very easy to do.

That one specifically, because of my extensive sexual abuse history is what I’d call my “problem paraphilia” it also isn’t really recognized as one officially but thats okay this is more about answering the question “how do you handle impulses?”

I have gone and done extensive therapy for trauma, I’ll be honest pre-therapy i committed minor or major acts with sexual assault. So it’s a very alive problem. Because of DID i also didn’t even know i did this until roughly last year. So thats cool. Here’s what helps impulses I’ve found for paraphilias that actually have teeth and can cause serious harm.

Trauma associated with the paraphilia has to be treated, its a strong motivator to act. I did EMDR and still do it works very well for me. Secondly finding an outlet and appropriate expression is important it doesn’t have to be BDSM it could just be breaking things in a controlled area or drawing, walking, something to let out the energy that fulfills you and makes you feel safe.

You can still do BDSM, CNC does scratch the itch pretty well but what I find solves it more are trauma related grounding techniques. I have to avoid and neutralize triggers, do grounding techniques, toss in some DBT and CBT. Its an art form.

Do I feel like im gonna slip up ever? Honestly, yeah. Sometimes I feel out of control and it’s developed into a paranoia of “its gonna happen im a monster ect” that circles back to grounding and trauma therapy. I have my own set of grounding techniques when I feel that way. I do them until I become confident again that I’m okay and stable. If I can’t seem to that I do old reliable. Get the fuck away from me. I’m out of here im chilling in my room alone until this shit gets better.

Since the “paraphilia” or impulse is trauma based. I find i am most dangerous when someone tries to rape me. How ironic! This has happened a lot unfortunately and became a legitimate defense mechanism. I am quite happy to be monogamous now because instead of dealing with shit heads i get to be with my partner. If someone starts acting that way towards me now its easier to blow them off because i can justify thats cheating. So none of that bullshit.

Since my ex raped me a lot. Were talking upwards of 100+ cause it was weekly for 8 years. If i see someone that looks like him i can get a little angry that way. But after therapy its been pretty died down. It’s not a very visceral reaction i can accept the emotions and move on.

In summary, i think most paraphilias if theres is no harm specifically in their definition its not gonna be a problem. When it is though it’s best to learn DBT and CBT i enjoyed EMDR and my therapist helped me understand the signs before you commit to an impulse. Which will look different for everyone. You have to accept its a part of you as well. I didn’t pre therapy which meant i never understood until it was to late what i wanted to do. Recognizing your past, your impulses and how that��s also you and then embracing them and giving those parts of yourself resources to cope better is so hard. But it’s extremely important to do. It’s not beneficial for the person acting out those things either. It comes with guilt, shame the inability to trust yourself. Thats why it’s so important to even acknowledge its there.

With my sexual abuse it’s a family tradition/s the one that they all have in common is no one accepts it. No one talks about it. No one addresses it. You have to accept these things or else the cycle doesn’t stop. Hope that answers your question :>

[cookinguptales]

That last post I just reblogged was fascinating to me because it was obviously a joke but it actually lined up so well with a common PMDD symptom of mine that I was writing about it in the tags. Then I kind of thought about it again and realized OP doesn’t deserve all that in the tags of their joke post so like. I guess I’ll put those thoughts here instead.

(under a cut, cw: frank discussion of mental illness)

Like I’ll warn here that I’m about to talk about mental illness in some pretty explicit terms. I have Premenstrual Dysphoria Disorder (in addition to Major Depressive Disorder) and for the most part I have a pretty good handle on it. My depression is treatment resistant, but I did some hormonal treatments for years to help with that, my endometriosis, and my menstruation-induced EDS complications.

(Have you ever had menstrual cramps so bad that it dislocated your hips and ribs? I have! Every goddamn month lmao.)

About a year and a half ago, I had to stop taking the hormones because they were honestly making certain things worse, so I had to kind of just. Figure out other ways to deal with it. Working with a doctor, a regimen of cannabis tea and ketamine has helped a lot with the physical symptoms, and has helped some with the emotional symptoms. It’s still not perfect (still get bad days sometimes) but my suicidality is way better than it was.

(People with PMDD are apparently estimated to attempt suicide seven times more than the general AFAB population so like. I guess that’s something to keep in mind.)

That said, my ketamine regimen was fucked up recently because of some issues at the doctor’s office and uh. Well, I’m still kind of building the levels back up. The past few periods have been very rough for me. Mostly physically, but I’ve had some emotional issues, too.

This month, my PMDD has been… I guess not as severe as it was in the past, but boy is it lingering. I’ve been very jittery, very anxious, prone to bad mental loops, etc. It’s been about a week at this point, which is on the long side, but you just gotta tough it out, right?

(Don’t worry, guys, I do know when to reach out for help when symptoms get bad, and have done it before in the past.)

Anyway… one of my least favorite symptoms has come out to play and I’m Dealing with it but I hate itttt. It’s the one that the post reminded me of! And that’s the one where you feel guilty for wanting people to love you.

I think… when you’re dealing with something difficult alone, it’s very normal to fantasize about someone helping you through it. Telling you you’re not a bad person, that they love you, hugging you, etc. Normal stuff like that. I think people sometimes use fictional characters, sometimes real people who love them (like family/friends), sometimes people they make up in their head, etc. I think fantasizing about comfort is fairly normal.

But when you’re in the trenches, your mind is like No It Is Not Normal It Is Bad. I have to remind myself that like… in some ways, it’s kind of like an abusive relationship. During bad PMDD spells, my mind wants to hurt me, it wants to kill me, and it wants to separate me from my support systems. Your brain tells you that burdening others with your feelings is Bad and you are Bad for doing it.

This makes it hard to reach out for help when you need it (again, I do know how to do that, I am safe, I know that I have people who would come to my house right now if I needed them to — and failing that, I do know how emergency mental health intake works, too) but also like… it often gets to the point where you feel like a terrible person for even wanting to be loved.

Like — this is hard to explain, so here’s a sample spiral.

(cw: mental illness, suicide mention. I’m going to try and be as realistic as possible here and that might be troubling for some readers.)

I am feeling bad. I am sad and anxious and scared and feel like I am worthless. I want someone to hold me and tell me they love me. I imagine a person I like doing this. I then think — no, you are a bad person. They would not want to do this. You are putting the burden of your feelings on some unsuspecting person again. It is unfair to use a real person as a mental support. You are forcing them into a situation they did not consent to, and you are using them as a crutch. You are a bad, selfish person and they would hate you if they knew you were doing this. You are asking for too much from the people around you; how dare you ask for love and support? You are worthless and no one will love you and imagining them loving you is unfair to them and frankly very invasive. You are being parasitical right now. Stop imagining people doing things they’d never want to do, you’re such a bad person. Don’t you care about their boundaries? Of course you don’t, you always hurt people because you’re selfish and bad and no one will ever like you. So stop imagining them liking you! Just kill yourself and get it over with, etc. You are a bad thing and bad things should go away and you should stop existing. Stop writing RPF about the people you like, that’s even worse than the crime of just being you. Just kill yourself.

And honestly, this will probably go on for a couple hours and there will probably be a lot of crying. >.> It’s good to keep electrolyte solution around because dehydration just makes it worse.

I’ve dealt with MDD for almost my entire life, but PMDD is… different. There’s a sort of exhausted doneness with MDD, like you don’t want to kill yourself, necessarily, you just want to stop existing. PMDD is different. There’s a very loud, very manic aggression to it. Your brain is very actively trying to kill you. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s like being in a crowd of people all screaming at you at once until you cry, and then screaming at you for crying. There is a mob in your head and it hates you.

It is… very, very loud and very difficult to drown out. I can usually catch the warning signs and head things off before I get into a spiral. Going for a walk is good. Helps break the cycle. Creating is good, too. Makes me feel productive and useful to others, which is a whole other can of worms, but it is effective. And if all else fails, I usually weaponize my hyperfixations lmao. Start up an old video game that I know will take all my focus, or start a new tv show that I know I’ll get fannish about, whatever.

This month has been hard because, frankly, it took me by surprise. It’s a little earlier than it should be and I haven’t had to deal with it as much in the past six months, so I guess I got out of the habit. I didn’t notice that I was starting to get kind of stressed and anxious over small stuff and was beating myself up for feeling normal human emotions. This is usually the big warning sign to me. I will latch onto a negative feeling I’m having and feel very guilty about it. I scratch at it like a healing scab. Then the spirals starts. So I have to keep a watch out for that.

But… like I said, I do tend to withdraw and feel guilty about talking about these things. I feel guilty for wanting to depend on others because I feel like that’s asking too much, a miserable person like me demanding attention from people who are too good for me. And once I start withdrawing into myself and not talking to those around me, things get worse.

Like I said!!! Your brain is abusive and it wants to separate you from your support system — so it makes you feel like a bad person for even wanting a support system.

(I find that it helps, actually, to frame it like that. I can tell that my thoughts are starting to get irrational and it’s like “oh, THIS asshole is back to say mean things to me again.”)

So… idk, I’m trying to talk about it. I figure that I tagged this post appropriately and put multiple warnings on it, so anyone who is reading this wants to be here. Maybe out of curiosity, maybe out of support, maybe because they deal with these things, too. idk.

I’m basically telling my mean brain that fuck you, it’s good to talk about my feelings and no one hates me for it.

Because… this is the big thing… I was thinking about that one Tumblr post… the one that was like “the me in your head is nice to you, right?”

I want the me in your head to be so nice to you. I want the me in your head to hold you and tell you you’re a good person and that I love you. Even if I don’t know you. I want the me in your head to be so damn comforting.

I love the idea of being a comfort to people. That’s… why I write so much of why I write, I think. There’s nothing that chokes me up like finding out I’ve managed to comfort someone that I don’t even know. Is there anything more beautiful than comforting and supporting others in this bitch of a world?

NO we gotta be kind.

So… if I want the me in your head to be so, so kind, why do I feel so guilty for wanting the you in my head to be nice to me, too? Why do I feel like I am so innately unlovable that even fantasizing about someone loving me could stain them somehow? Like I will stain their clothes with my own awfulness.

I DON’T. I don’t feel that way. I have been doing so much better lately. I have been reaching out to people and doing fun things and spending time with people and thinking about loving people and them loving me back. I’ve thought about people loving me!!! And I’ve started to have the creeping hope that it could happen! That I am worthy of love.

Guys, I’ve been better. I know that all sounds like not much, but it’s been so easy for me to convince myself that no one will ever love me because I’m sick, I’m disabled, I’m unattractive, I’m unkind, I’m cringe, I’m annoying, I’m selfish, etc. It’s been so easy for me to find a million excuses for why I, out of all the people on this earth, will never be loved.

So… feeling hope that that’s not true is actually a very big thing for me, and something that I’ve been delighting in recently.

All the things in my head are fake and mean and… you know, hormones. That’s all.

Idk, this was meant to be a discussion of one small part of PMDD but I guess it ended up being a ramble about a lot of things. I’ll admit that it’s much more difficult for me to be focused and eloquent when I’m dealing with these symptoms. I had a moment where I wanted to apologize to anyone still reading this, but — instead I’ll thank you for spending your time with my words. For whatever reason you decided to do it, for whatever reason you’re still here, I appreciate that you did it.

I want the version of you in my head to be nice. And I want to thank you for being nice. And I want to be nice to you, too.

In conclusion

Now I’m gonna go take my medication and be quiet for a while.