#I’m going through it mentally

[blogfullofemos]

Just need Eddie to be his usual self. Like he’s performing a whisper solo while searching for something and I’m just eerily quiet. I’m stuck in my head about nothing and everything, and can’t seem to find the words. And he knows. So he gives me space while also being around, because deep down he knows I don’t want to be alone. He makes a high pitched guitar wail and spins to smile at me, but his smile instantly falters as he sees how stoic my face is. But my eyes are watery.

“Hey babes.” He coos heading to me. I crack a smile and chuckle as I wipe my eyes. Trying my best to remain somewhat okay. He tsk as he pulls me into an embrace, wiping my cheeks and kissing my temple. “You’re shaking my love.” He admits, not visibly seeing me soooo.

“I know.” I say through the ice in my throat.

“Hey you know you could talk to me about anything right? Even if it seems like the craziest thing or just plain stupid. You know I’m here for you right?” He pushes gently, pulling me deeper into the embrace. But he doesn’t know this was all I wanted, I didn’t know this was all I wanted. The soft warmth that could break cold.

[veryluckyclovers]

based on true events. thankful for my loved ones

[pollyanna-nana]

I think a lot about what exactly Thistle was doing for those 1000 years. I mean, his increased monitoring of the dungeon was explicitly caused by Delgal going “missing” and a bunch of adventurers pouring in, but Yaad says that he’s “always been like this” and “not one for reasonable conversation.” I can see that being true for the rest of the golden kingdom members since he seems to not gaf about them beyond being part of Delgal’s kingdom, but what about Delgal himself?

How often did they speak and what did they talk about? Did Delgal ever beg Thistle to release them from his spell? Did Thistle ever threaten him, or would he never dare to? Could he tell Delgal was deeply miserable, or could he just not see it at that point?

He looks incredibly unwell here. How did Thistle feel about this? Did he feel anything at all, or was that nibbled out of him, too?

[lnmei]

chrollo lucilfer

[twinstxrs]

in light of recent canon academic conversations, riz adaine gorgug study sessions have never been more real to me. gorgug helps riz + adaine get out of their own heads when they’re overworking themselves, riz + adaine help gorgug with alternative studying methods because he learns best through visuals + experience. fabian’s there occasionally when he has a particularly difficult assignment/test but he makes them all swear never to speak of it in order to protect his “image.” kristen has shown up exactly twice: once for advice on a group project that was two months overdue & once to just lay on the floor and relax for an hour before leaving. fig didn’t know the study sessions were happening until sophomore year & now keeps getting monthly bans because every time she shows up she ends up accidentally distracting riz + adaine. also, sometimes after/in the middle of really long study sessions riz adaine & gorgug go to basrar’s together to unwind but fabian kristen & fig Are Not Invited (they do still text to ask if anyone wants something brought back from basrar’s. they’re not heartless, after all).

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i am unwell, and not in the cute and quirky unwell like the crying myself to sleep every night unwell

[ibtisams]

I don’t want to sound like those who complain of “boycott fatigue” or “activism burnout” because what I’m feeling is not even close to that, and I am always aware that those currently in Gaza experience everyday is incomparable to anything I can and will ever feel. With all of that being said, I have also lost so much during these 2 months and not had a chance to process or grieve and my mental health has suffered tremendously because of it. I am so beyond exhausted and in a horrible place mentally so I am going to take a small break from being online while I focus on my mental health and getting my life together after these nonstop 2 months

[escapismblue]

literally blame @neometalsilver for this but here’s how fucking unwell I am about Sonic being Tails’ parental unit.

context: this is using my own timeline of the games/headcanons so yeah. if shit doesn’t register as canon refer to that.

ANYWAY-

Sonic just found a kid when he was 11 while living in the woods and took him in because what was he supposed to do? he’s not a social person, he doesn’t know how to keep friends, but that’s a kid. a scared kid that needs someone to look after him. he doesn’t think he’ll do a great job, but he has to at least provide the kid food and safety. at least until he can figure out what’s best for the kid.

he’s lucky Tails is a genius and can already read and write because he can’t talk. he doesn’t want to. the sound reverberates in his head and makes him sick he can’t talk. Tails is okay with that though. he reads whatever Sonic hastily writes on paper and he learns sign language faster than Sonic had.

food’s already tight. it’s hard to scavenge and Sonic can only steal so much food without locking himself out of every town or village on the islands. he’s already malnourished as hell himself and now he has to find more food.

Sonic eats even less. he has to. Tails is 4, Sonic is 11. he can deal with less food. Tails is growing and even though Sonic can’t run as much because he’s so tired. his metabolism eats through whatever food he manages to eat for himself. his body hides it though. he looks fine and Tails is looking better and the kid is okay and that’s. enough.

Mighty and Ray meet up with Sonic again and Mighty sees Tails and He Knows. because that’s what he did. Sonic doesn’t know what to do when Mighty gives him a look that’s knowing because he doesn’t know what he’s doing and he sure as hell didn’t know he and Mighty were still friends because he doesn’t know what friendships even are.

Sonic doesn’t understand people. he never has. he doesn’t trust people all that much. he can work with people when necessary but that’s… that’s all. people are scary and cruel but god there’s this kid that’s looking up to Sonic and maybe. maybe he should try and believe the world is good because he wants things to be good for his kid.

his kid?

the kid. he’s taking care of Tails but he’s not…

he “borrows” books from the library to read them. to teach himself about the world he’s bared himself from. he reads all the lessons kids are taught. he learns how the world works and then teaches Tails and sure he could just give the kid the books because god the kid is smart but he needs Tails to believe that he is capable.

Sonic needs to prove to Tails that he is reliable. that he’s gonna be there and get them out of whatever they get into. or whatever Robotnik forces them into.

he will do what he has to.

but he’s so scared. he’s not used to people relying on him or being attached to him. he’s so scared of that attachment he wants to run he has to be alone, alone is safe but Tails is there and he’s sleeping and he’s cuddled up to Sonic and Sonic cannot and will not be like the cruel adults that exist just to make his life worse.

when Sonic 2 happens he’s so proud of how capable Tails is. he’s not that nervous, Tails is doing great. sure, he doesn’t love Tails being dragged into stuff like this but it’s okay. it’s okay because Sonic will always be there to take the hit if Tails doesn’t dodge in time. and that’s fine. he’s a kid and learning. he can be clumsy. Sonic’s sturdy anyway.

when they meet Knuckles, Sonic is glad that the echidna seems to take a liking to Tails as a sort of older brother figure and it reassures Sonic that Tails would still have someone. Knuckles is not like Sonic, he is not going to take care of Tails like he does, but he's a protective figure, Sonic doesn't have to worry as much if he needs to be alone. which god he does. his skin is itching.

he loves Tails but he is itching to run.

when they move away from the islands, Sonic is quick to make sure Tails has shelter. he forges whatever he has to so that everything can be in Tails' name. both house and workshop. all of it. they're Tails', not Sonic's. Sonic can't have a house. he's been living in the woods so long that living in a house is so scary to him. he can't.

not yet.

when Shadow dies, Sonic mourns. death is not a foreign concept to him, but Shadow's sacrifice strings. Tails falls ill not long after and Sonic takes care of him. Tails has a high fever and in his delirium calls Sonic dad.

dad.

dad.

Sonic is aware of his own mortality, he almost died when he was 8/9. Shadow's death doesn't make him realize he will die someday, but it along with that keyword makes Sonic realize that when he dies he will be orphaning a child. his death will affect other people. he's not just some kid in the woods anymore. Tails will mourn like he does when he does.

Tails will be alone again when Sonic dies.

it doesn't matter how many of Sonic's friends take on a role in Tails' life, Sonic will be abandoning the kid in death. the thing he promised himself he wouldn't do. but what can he do? he's going to die young. it's only a matter of time.

he weeps amongst the trees. he is helpless to do anything besides prepare the kid.

things go on as normal. more adventures, more fights, more injuries, more fussing. it’s as normal as it can be. and sure maybe in the back of Sonic’s head he’s constantly trying to prepare Tails for when his only parent is going to leave him, but it’s minor. it’s fine.

when Sonic finds Emerl on that beach he knows the feeling that fills his heart. he knows that he’s gone from one kid to two.

everything about raising Emerl is rushed and a little different, but Sonic’s never had a normal experience raising a kid. weird is his home base.

there are a couple moments that get Sonic’s anxiety pumping. when Eggman says he has both Emerl and Cream hostage Sonic can feel the fear fill his veins, but of course Emerl gets both himself and Cream out of the situation. that’s his kid.

and it warms Sonic’s heart when he sees Emerl and Tails interact. something about Emerl brings out the childlike qualities of Tails and it’s endearing and so so heartwarming.

but nothing stays good forever.

Sonic had a choice. the world or his child. it wasn’t fair. but he couldn’t let Emerl destroy the planet. if only because he couldn’t force Emerl to deal with that amount of guilt. that wouldn’t be something the robot could live with. he prayed that he would be lucky and that Emerl would survive but…

“This was Gerald's final program... Should a weapon go out of control, the weapon will terminate itself...”

stupid fucking Gerald programming a self-destruct into a being with thoughts and feelings. stupid fucking Eggman gloating as if he won. as if this was something this was something to celebrate. stupid fucking Robotniks. stupid fucking world.

he didn’t regret the burning hot rage that took his over. he didn’t regret regret breaking Eggman’s jaw. he didn’t regret letting the dark energy blind him. he was blinded by tears anyway.

and god, Tails sounded like such a kid when he asked if Emerl would come back if the world was peaceful and Sonic couldn’t crush a kid’s hopes. especially not his own. his only. Sonic could barely keep it together as he agreed with Tails.

he made Tails stay the night at Vanilla’s house, too heartbroken to comfort the kid. tomorrow. he would do it tomorrow. when he had time to grieve on his own first.

turns out grieving was fighting with Shadow until they were both crying. Shadow lost his last connection to the Ark and Sonic? Sonic lost just about the worst thing he could’ve.

it wasn’t fair.

Sonic didn’t mean to be so much more protective of Tails going forward, hell of any kid he interacted with, going forward he just… he could deal with a lot of things. he had been through hell and back. pain was something he had learned to accept as part of his life. hell, maybe part of him would be lost without it. but he couldn’t lose Tails. for god’s sake if he was doomed to an early grave why was it so damn hard to have his kids outlive him?

he noticed Tails starting to doubt himself and that’s the last thing he wanted, Tails was so much better than him in so many ways, but he couldn’t… he couldn’t get over his fears.

was having Tails alive more important than him having a good self-esteem? Sonic was so lost. he had no frame of reference. Sonic had never had parents. no one to look after him. to show him what to do or what not to do in raising his own. he wanted Tails alive but he didn’t want Tails to have a miserable life. how was Sonic supposed to show Tails that he was more than capable without risking the kid’s life?

he didn’t know.

he tried but everything kept getting worse and Sonic didn’t know what to do and-

6 months of torture gave him plenty of time to think. too much time, really.

Sonic thought about plenty of things. but his mind always went back to golden fur and blue eyes. was Tails okay? sure, Sonic ran away a lot to do his own things, but never this long. had anyone taken up on taking care of Tails? did Tails blame himself? he shouldn’t. he’s just a kid.

safe to say he was not happy when he heard that Tails was missing when he got back. he was already upset with his boyfriend, and now his kid was just alone in an active war zone. Sonic knew Shadow had probably watched the kid from a distance but that wasn’t enough. Tails was 12 for fuck’s sake!

Sonic kept up the smiles, of course he did, but it only reinforced that Tails would be alone when Sonic actually passed and that… maybe Sonic was more mad at himself than anyone else.

or maybe the cruel workings of Fate. but no… that couldn’t be it. Sonic had defied fate before. but…

he didn’t know what he was mad at anymore. it didn’t matter.

Tails was in his arms again and maybe, just maybe, Sonic would teach Shadow about parenting.

just in case.

[smilesrobotlover]

*head in hands* oot link is such a tragic character and it makes me so sad

[scrapyardwings]

Cal the reason you haven’t heard from Saw Gerrera is because Greeze blocked that man while you were in the Forest Array. He is actively screening your calls to make sure you get a decent nap. If that Latero ever sees Saw again he’s throwing all four hands on sight for not taking care of his kid.

[mairyplace]

old anipoke sketches b4 the next episode :-D.. 💀

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Oh yeah my bad there’s definitely NO insecurity on this person. /s

[dimsilver]

🙏🏻

[bucksangel]

really tired of seeing gen z on tiktok romanticizing and glorifying psych hospitals by calling them “vacations” and posting about how fun they are when in reality most hospitals will not let you have your phone, they don’t have fun group activities everyday, you don’t have your own room, you don’t get a three course meal etc.

and then i’ll see people come out of some hospitals being like “i was just having a silly little breakdown and people there were actually severely mentally ill?” like where do you think you are? you’re in a place designed to help severely mentally ill people and now you’re surprised that severely mentally ill people are there?

stop romanticizing psych hospitals. stop calling them ‘vacations’. stop making fun of people with debilitating disorders utilizing the facilities that are designed for them.

[mahomadjicks]

Got the idea to draw Dave in this stevie wonder album because the outfit fucks and the album cover does too

no worries tho, I’ll be back to regularly scheduled cold caller shitposting after this aa

what do you mean you don’t take two things you like and smash them together-

(Original album image under the cut; i’ll always love the first song)

[honeypleasejustkillme]

the phrase “i’ve never felt more alone in my life” feels more true with each passing day