#I’m just so excited. I feel so grateful to be alive at the same time as her!

[itspileofgoodthings]

tortured poets is so close ….

[chuluoyi]

soft gojo meeting his newborn hc, pleaaasee??

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 11:10 P.M 」

soft dad!gojo drove me to have another baby fever for the ntn time. you just have to put this idea in my head don’t you dear anon~

a part of gojo's love entries

the thing was so tiny, precious and squishy. it fit right in his hands, so red and fragile, almost like a toy—

only it was not. it was a real, living baby. his son, partly made by his own flesh and blood—his to protect.

“hello to you, my little minion,” satoru whispered to his newborn, wonderstruck by the sight of this small but clearly alive being. his eyes glazed, his fingers delicately tracing the baby's face, body, and tiny feet. “i’m your dad, yeah?”

his own soft voice sounded foreign to him. but at this moment, as he was utterly mesmerized by the sight of little human that just came out of you, his beloved wife, he couldn’t care less.

he had always imagined how his brat would look like. he even joked with you about how he’d get his good looks—and heck, the gods did hear him and this baby in his arms was the most handsome baby he had ever seen, blessed with his white hair and softest skin, as well as the rosiest cheeks.

his only dismay was that he also inherited the bluest of eyes, the curse in his family line.

well, but that’s a problem for another day.

he settled his newborn into the hospital's nursery crib, and nudged his pudgy cheeks once again. not even half a day had passed since he was born, and gojo satoru had developed a severe cuteness aggression for his son. he swore he’d spoil him rotten, shower him love he never truly experienced from his own parents, and of course, keep him safe.

with his heart full, he left the baby as he slept, and went back to your room.

in the very same predicament as your baby, you were still fast asleep. you were visibly exhausted, your hair was a tangled mess, and there was a line of dried blood along your lips—caused by accidentally biting them too hard earlier, during your labor pains.

even in the state of disarray, satoru still thought you looked ethereal, too good for him.

he ran his fingers through your hair, smoothing them, and he regretted it when your face scrunched up and your eyes fluttered open. “…hmm? satoru?”

“hey, sweets. how are you feeling?”

“i still feel like being split into two… but yeah, i’ll manage.”

“shush, of course. you feel that way often, each time when i—”

“don’t,” you warned, glaring at him. “i just birthed your heir, gojo satoru. don’t even start.”

satoru burst into a laugh so hearty and he realized he truly loved this dynamics with you. and that he was grateful for you.

he wanted to thank you for all that you had done for him. for returning his feelings. for marrying him. for going through that pain to bring his son to the world—

and most of all, for still being here. for staying alive to live another day with him.

“i saw him just now. our baby is perfect.”

“really? i want to meet him too…”

“soon, sweetheart... when you’re a little better, i’ll take you to him.”

but he wasn’t the best with words. and so even if he were to pour his heart out, everything would be condensed into this one sentence.

you were excited at the prospect of meeting your baby, when suddenly satoru leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead.

“i love you so damn much… you know?”

[hornedqueenofhell]

#thebardsbodyguard

“Hello and welcome back, we just got to hear a sample of the new single 'We Don’t Have to Dance' from Grammy winning group Corroded Coffin and we have here the lead singer and guitarist, Edward Munson.”

Eddie waves from his spot on the couch with a shy smile, he’s still getting used to all the interviews and stuff that come with the rockstar gig.

“Thank you for joining us, we are so excited to have you here.”

“That’s sweet, thank you. I’m not used to hearing my full name, made me think I was in trouble for a second.” Eddie chuckles and so do the others on the couch as well as the audience.

“I know right, everytime I hear my full name I just-” Chris Pine straightens and looks around like he’s waiting for a parent or teacher to jump out and Eddie laughs because it’s true. The couch also has Stephanie Hsu who Eddie met briefly during the break when she asked what kind of music he did. Overall it feels less stressful than other interviews, he just has to remember that even if a joke doesn’t sit well with him to just smile and nod or Jeff will strangle him.

“So Eddie, you and your band just wrapped your second tour a few months ago and you’re already putting out a new album soon. How do you find the time to just churn out music like that?”

“Well, every member of the band pitches in to write our songs. So everytime we’re home with our friends or families we always have stuff going on, things to experience or draw on to make music. And we’re very close so we’re always meeting up to bounce ideas off each other.”

“That’s right I hear you guys all play Dungeons & Dragons togethers and you have since-”

“Since high school, yeah. I had to repeat my senior twice before I found out I had ADHD and there were days where those games were the only things that kept me going.”

Graham turns to Chris and Eddie is grateful for a moment to take a sip of his drink and fix his sleeve which is just a smidge too tight. “Chris I know you didn’t play before but have you started since being in the Dungeons & Dragons movies.”

“We did a one shot…,” he trails off and glances at Eddie who nods in confirmation, “One shot to promote the second one with John running it and it was fun but there’s just so much to memorize.”

“And you Stephanie, did you do anything like that?” 

She shakes her head with a beautiful smile, “No, I heard about D&D growing up and it’s become so popular now. I tend to be outdoors- I’m still outdoors a lot, handling the farm and the gardens and such.”

“More power to you,” Eddie offers her a cheers with his glass, “I grew up in farm country but I’m terrible at keeping plants alive.” No, that honor goes to Steve who loves growing things in their apartment. 

“Before we go, Eddie I have one more question for you. I know you’re not on social media much but the internet is just dying to know about that gorgeous bodyguard of yours-”

“Bodyguard? What bodyguard?” Eddie interrupts as Graham pulls out his tablet and presses a button to pull up several images from social media. In them is Eddie and a very handsome brunette man holding open the door of a cafe and walking with him into a venue with a hand on Eddie’s back. The same brunette is pictured picking up Eddie after a speaker tipped over and caused Eddie to twist an ankle during a show. All of the images are tagged #thebardsbodyguard or some similar iteration. Eddie frowns and points at the screen, at the gorgeous man he knows like the back of his hand,

“Wait, you mean my husband?”

Twitter goes down for three hours after. Eddie and Steve are trending on Tumblr for days. People scrounge up photos of them from high school, pictures of Steve from the swim team and Eddie from Hellfire club surface and float around the internet. The length of their romance is speculated on as well as when they got married. Some clever fan notes the ring Eddie wears on the same chain as his guitar pick around his neck and the bat wing tattoo on his ring finger that appeared around the same time. The only thing no one finds is the wedding. It had been a close friends and family only event and none of their people would ever share Steve and Eddie’s personal lives like that.

Eddie does eventually give a single interview about his relationship with Steve but after that refuses any others with a request for privacy. He does however post a single photo of he and Steve in their wedding tuxes on Halloween that year. The two of them smiling side by side, foreheads tipped together, eyes closed. Steve is laying on Eddie’s chest when he posts it, having given final approval on the selected photo, while they share a slice of cheesecake for their anniversary. 

“Love you Stevie.”

“Love you too, my bard.”

[joelalorian]

Fall Into Me - Chapter Five: My Whole World Came Alive

dbf!Joel x f!reader

Summary: Joel is hanging on by a thread as a single father to a tenacious 10-year-old Sarah. Feeling like he's drowning, like the world is about to spit him out, he needs some help before he breaks in half. At your dad's insistence, you show up in his life and change everything.

Story is inspired by the song Fall Into Me by Forest Blakk. Chapter titles will be lyrics from the song.

Word Count: 2.9k

Chapter Warnings: Mature, under 18 take a hike. No outbreak AU. Lots of feelings, confusion, and self doubt. Two idiots falling and pining for each other, and finally some progress. Tommy keeps it real. Age gap of about 9 years (Reader 24/25, Joel 33/34). No use of y/n. Reader has a nickname used only by her dad. Emily is modeled after my sister and JB is based on my dad, who used to try setting me up with his younger work buddies when I was in my 20s :)

Dividers by the wonderful @saradika-graphics

Thank you all for reading! Comments and reblogs make me weep with gratefulness.

Some of the tags aren't working in the taglist - if you're not getting the notifications, please check your settings to make sure you are taggable. Thx!

Chapter Four | Main Masterlist

Sitting in Phil’s Icehouse with juicy burgers and drinks – you insisted Joel try a mimosa – conversation flowed between the two of you. Joel found his lips twitching into a smile at nearly every word that came out of your mouth. He was fascinated with the stories you shared of your college years, and he listened, completely enraptured, to your plans for the future. Every bit of your lunch together felt like a date. He wondered if you felt the same, yet he couldn’t find the courage to ask outright.

“Yeah, so, I have a meeting at Sarah’s school this week for a possible position. Remember that interview I mentioned a few weeks back? It went really well and now they want me to meet with the teacher who’s retiring and the principal,” you explained, sipping at your mimosa. “I’m pretty excited.”

Joel’s eyes lit up. He’d forgotten that you were looking at a position at Sarah’s school. “Wow, that’s great, darlin’. This would be for a science teacher position, right?”

“Yep. Middle grade science.” The beaming smile you flashed him nearly blinded Joel. “Wanna know the best part? If I get this job, I’ll have the same hours as Sarah, give or take a bit, so I can continue with the school drop-off and pickup for you. She might have to stay later with me somedays, but it’ll still work.”

Nodding, Joel’s mind was flashing lightyears forward, picturing you calling his house home and taking Sarah to school with you, coming home to have dinner together, watching TV in the evenings. Heart thudding in his chest at just the thought of you living together, Joel shook himself. He had to slow his mind down, put the brakes on those kinds of thoughts until after you were actually dating him, at least.

“You could be Sarah’s science teacher in a few years, huh?” Joel asked, focusing once again on listening to you instead of drifting off into daydreams.

“Could be, yeah,” you laughed. “I imagine she’d be my favorite student.”

He beamed at that. Conversation shifted to other things and soon your meals were finished.

“We should do this again,” you said, glassy eyes meeting his across the table, lips curved in a gentle smile. “I really enjoyed spending time with you, Joel.”

Fighting the urge to grab your hand and entangle your fingers, Joel smiled back. “Yeah, me too.” He wanted to kick himself for not saying more, for not asking you out for a real date. He just couldn’t find his words.

How was it that you made him so nervous?

Joel spent the next week in some kind of weird liminal space between a dream and reality, between agonizing confusion and utter happiness. Lunch with you on Sunday felt like a date – he asked you with the intention of it being a date, even if you didn’t know that yet. He spent the week thinking about that lunch, how you teased each other, laughed, shared stories of your past. How your gazes locked for longer than necessary, touches lingered, the smiles never fell from your faces.

It was wonderful, yet nothing was said of what it all meant – which was his fault, probably. Hence the roller coaster of feelings throughout the week.

He could tell you felt it, too. Doing as Tommy suggested, he started paying close attention to how you acted around him, how you looked at him when you thought he wasn’t looking. It was all starting to come together. He could finally see what Tommy was talking about.

You liked him. You really liked him, Joel Miller, overworked single father.

It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that someone liked him. It’d been way too long since he felt that way, that spark of hope for something more.

For the first time in a long time, he slept well the night before and woke early, eager to face the day and see you before heading off to work. He was already out front, filling a birdfeeder Sarah asked for, when you arrived.

“Good mornin’, darlin’,” he greeted, pulling the car door open for you once you parked in the driveway. His heart skipped a beat at the way you smiled up at him, taking his hand to help you out of the car. Your touch electric on his roughened palm.

“Hiya, Joel.” Your voice washed over him, warm as honey and twice as sweet. “Whatcha doing out here?’

Gesturing to the red barn-style feeder Sarah picked, he finished filling it with the wild bird seed the clerk insisted birds loved. “Just fillin’ our new birdfeeder.”

“Oh, what a cute feeder!” You admired the intricate features as it hung from the post Joel installed. “Sarah has been talking nonstop about birds this week. Hopefully we’ll see some good ones.”

“Hope so,” Joel hummed in return. “Don’t know much about birds personally, but I’m sure Sarah’ll teach me.” Your smile brightened at his sheepish grin.

“I have a bird guide I could give her to help identify all the different types that visit the feeder.” Your face lit up with excitement. “I even have binoculars from when I took an ornithology class in undergrad. I’ll bring them when I pick up Sarah this afternoon.”

“Orna what now?” Joel questioned. He had no idea what kind of class you were talking about, but he loved how smart you were.

“Ornithology,” you repeated, drawing out each syllable with a soft giggle. “It’s the study of birds. It was a really cool class. We had field trips around campus once a week to go bird watching. I got pretty good at naming the different species that we saw, but it’s been a while.”

In awe of you, Joel’s eyes crinkled with the strength of his grin. “Would you, uh, maybe want to go on an adventure with us tomorrow?” he asked, stumbling a bit over his words, a nervous energy welling up in his gut as he once again sort of asked you out. “We could go for a hike in the county park, and you could teach us about birds.”

You gazed at him, lips pursed in thought, for long enough that Joel began to fidget, brimming with recurring doubt. Did he misinterpret the signs after all? He wouldn’t be surprised. He wasn’t any good at this stuff anymore. You responded before he could spiral back into the land of self-doubt. “That sounds great, Joel. I’d love to.”

A visceral relief washed through him. “It’s a date then,” he said, his voice deep and rough while his dark chocolate eyes locked with yours. A satisfied smirk graced his lips as your eyebrows rose in surprise. Too quickly, doubt clouded your pretty eyes, and you laughed it off like he was teasing you. Joel sighed. He would be more direct next time. He’d get the hang of asking a woman on a date again someday. Hopefully.

“We’ll have to go early, is that okay? Birds are more active in the early morning hours,” you explained, heading for the door to find Sarah.

“That’s fine. We’ll make a day of it, grab lunch somewhere when we’re done.” Joel followed you into the house, already plotting out conversations in his head on how to properly ask you on a date.

The rest of the day went by in a blur for Joel and before he knew it, the job was finished, and it was only mid-afternoon when he arrived home. You pulled into the driveway with Sarah shortly after him and he came down from taking a shower to find the pair of you on the living room floor playing a racing video game.

“Hi Daddy!” Sarah exclaimed as he kissed the top of her head and took a seat on the couch. It didn’t take long before Sarah asked him to play as well and the three of you were taking turns racing against each other, laughing when one of you crashed.

There were moments, when your gaze would connect with Joel’s and he’d swear you shared the same thought – this was how it could be if you were together, a family.

“Do you want to stay for pizza? Tommy and your dad are coming over,” Joel asked when Sarah’s attention focused elsewhere.

“We have an early morning ahead of us, Miller. Don’t be up late partying with the guys,” you replied with a smile that reached your twinkling eyes. “I’ll stay for a bit, but then I need to go dig out the old binoculars and get my beauty sleep.”

“You’re already beautiful,” he murmured, watching your eyes widen as you smile demurely.

“You say the sweetest things, Joel.” Your voice held a teasing tone that drove Joel nuts. How was he ever going to convince you that he was serious?

Shortly thereafter, Tommy arrived, pizza and beer in hand. “Come on, Millers! I come bearing gifts. JB here yet?”

“I’m right here, ya troglodyte,” your dad called from the front yard, stepping up the porch steps as Tommy whirled around.

“What the hell did you just call me?”

“A troglodyte. Learned it from Spud and thought it fitting since you don’t close doors behind you.” He winked at you as he teased the younger Miller brother. Placing a kiss on your cheek, he added, “Hey Spud, haven’t seen you in a bit. Must be working too hard. Miller! You workin’ my daughter too hard?”

Joel spluttered. He was too busy gazing at you to pay much attention to JB and feared he got busted. “I hardly think so,” he grumbled, fighting the blush he knew rose to his cheeks.

“Ah, in the same ol’ grumpy mood, I see. Maybe this’ll help.” Your dad placed a 12-pack of Joel’s favorite beer on the coffee table before taking a seat in the recliner he always chose at Joel’s place.

The five of you sat around the living room, eating pizza with beer for the men and sodas for you and Sarah. The conversation revolved mainly around construction work, and you ended up taking your leave before the sun dipped below the horizon. Your dad followed not long after, eager to relax in his own well-worn recliner.

“Alright, nugget. It’s time for bed. We have an early morning tomorrow,” Joel said, swinging the young girl over his shoulder much to her delight. “Say goodnight to Uncle Tommy.”

“G’night Uncle Tommy,” Sarah squealed as Joel tickled her sides.

“G’night nugget.”

Always a good kid, Sarah went right to bed after brushing her teeth, but not before pestering Joel about why they had to get up early on a Saturday. Pressing a loving kiss to her forehead, Joel tucked her in. “We’re going on a surprise adventure. Now, to sleep with you.”

Returning to the living room, Tommy handed him another beer as the brothers watched Sportscenter. “Have you made any progress yet?” Tommy asked.

Matching dark eyes met as Joel shrugged. He knew his brother was talking about you. “Some, I guess. Told ya I took her to lunch on Sunday and that felt a lot like a date. I asked her to go on a hike with me and Sarah tomorrow. I told her it was a date after she agreed, but she thought I was jokin’.” He paused, taking a long pull from the bottle of beer. “Then, this afternoon, I told her she was beautiful and again she thought I was teasing.”

Swirling the bottle of beer in his hand, Tommy shook his head and chuckled. “She’s givin’ you a run for your money, brother. Good on her.”

“Good on her,” Joel mocked, but his tone quickly turned to pleading. “I need more advice. Surely you got something up your sleeve for women like her.”

“Nah, brother. The only way to get someone like her is to be yourself and keep chipping away. It’s clear she has as much self-doubt as you do, so it’ll take her time to believe you’re for real.” Tommy eyed his brother a moment as he mulled over the situation. “Though, I will say this. You need to start bein’ direct – come right out and ask her on a date, for fuck’s sake. Enough hinting at shit. It’s clearly gettin’ you nowhere.”

You arrived on the Millers’ doorstep bright and early the next morning, two travel mugs of coffee and a container of chocolate milk in hand. A pair of binoculars and Sibley’s Guide to Birds were tucked away in the bag you wore over your shoulder.

“Wakey, wakey, Millers! The early bird gets the worm!”

Joel and Sarah were perched at the breakfast bar when you let yourself in, both looking half awake and less than enthusiastic about being up so early on a Saturday.

“Too damn cheerful for this early,” Joel grumbled half-heartedly. His pitiful smile looked more like a grimace, yet you found it adorable. It made you ache to run your fingers through his hair until you drew a real smile from his lips.

“Don’t gimme that. This was your idea, Joel Miller!” you sassed in return, patting his broad shoulders. “Let’s go!”

Herding cats, that was the perfect analogy to describe the next fifteen minutes as you tried to get the Millers moving and into Joel’s truck. Just when you’d get one heading for the door, the other would disappear. Finally, you managed to wrangle them both into the truck and you were well on your way to the preserve. The ride didn’t take long, Sarah peppering you with questions about birds she found in your guidebook as Joel drove. By the time Joel pulled into a parking spot at the entrance to the trails, everyone was wide awake and ready to hike.

The morning was crisp and refreshing as you zipped up your jacket and looked around. You’d never been to this preserve before and wanted to find a trail map, but the mini-Miller was too anxious to wait for that.

“I can hear the birds chirping already, Daddy! Come on!” Sarah exclaimed, charging toward the first trail excitedly.

Joel beamed as Sarah took off, turning to you before following her. “Ready?” He reached out a hand, palm up and fingers splayed, inviting you to grasp it.

Your eyes trailed from his outstretched hand to his heavy gaze, uncertain of what to make of the signals Joel gave off. The feelings you harbored for the man grew stronger each day, yet you couldn’t quite get a read on whether he shared even a fraction of those feelings. Somedays, you thought he did. Yet others, you figured he thought you had a crush on him and found amusing. Your heart sunk on those days, causing the doubt to linger every time he did something to make you think otherwise.

The moment carried on too long, you realized, as Joel’s warm eyes began to shutter, the tender smile starting to slip. Bolstering your nerves, you plunged ahead and grasped his large hand in yours, tangling your fingers with his thicker ones. His hand was warm, skin roughened from years of working with his hands, and it felt wonderful against your smoother skin.

Heat flashed up your chest and neck as Joel led you down the trail to catch up with Sarah. A broad smile never left your lips as you walked.

“I meant it, you know,” Joel’s deep, gruff voice rumbled from deep in his chest and you glanced up to meet his gaze. “What I said yesterday, about this being a date. If that’s something you’re interested in.”

Heart thumping wildly, your mouth opened and closed a few times before you found your words. “Are you sure? I mean, yes. Yes, I’m interested.” You winced at how flustered you sounded, tripping over your words. And, worse yet, why was your voice so squeaky?

“Never been surer in my life,” Joel confirmed, his gaze searing your skin as he watched you, taking in every minute change in expression. His hand squeezed yours gently, steadying the butterflies in your stomach.

“I would really like that,” you replied breathlessly, relieved to finally have confirmation that the moments between you and Joel weren’t all in your head. You were on Cloud 9 until reality smacked you in the face. “But what about my dad?”

Sarah popped around a copse of live oaks, startling you both from. “Come on, you slow pokes! The birdies aren’t gonna wait all day for us to find them!” Not trusting you both to follow her on your own, the little girl latched on to your hand and pulled you along the trail. “You need to help me find the birds,” Sarah reminded you.

Joel’s hand still clasped in yours, you dragged him behind you, grinning over your shoulder at him. “I’m liking this date already, Joel.”

He beamed back at you. The three of you walked in silence for a bit, listening to the sounds of nature around you. When you spotted a bird blind, you handed Sarah the binoculars and the guidebook, challenging her to identify as many birds as she could from that spot. Joel stood next to you, watching Sarah enjoy the activity.

“Let’s see where this goes first before we worry about your dad,” he murmured. “I’d like to take you on a few dates first, okay?”

It made sense and you nodded, pleased at the way things were working out. Your hand remained in Joel’s throughout the birding adventure and though Sarah never mentioned it, her smile grew wide at the sight.

tbc

p.s. we should start building up to the good stuff in the next chapter.

Taglist: @mellymbee @untamedheart81 @anoverwhelmingdin @runningmom94 @leilanixx @pedropascalfan221 @lovelyjess69 @sarahhxx03 @sofiparallel @tammythr @lulawantmula @islacharlotte @allyourfavesinoneblog @lover-of-books-and-tea @pedropascalsbbg @ashleyfilm @brittmb115 @lilmizmoz @loveisacowboyyy @shotgun-shelby @deninoe @casssiopeia @caitlynsixxx

[acourtofwhatthefuck]

Coming Home (Part 4)

Azriel x Reader

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Hiiii! Thank you so much for all the love on this so far! I’m really enjoying writing it!

Here’s part 4…ANGSTANGSTANGST 💃🏻

Warnings: Nah.

⧪

It was late. Late enough that even the faelights had begun to wink out on their own. The words on the page before you were nothing but squiggles.

You should have dragged your feet home hours ago — as soon as you’d shut and locked the clinic door for the night. But the busy day had left you with a crowded mind, and you’d favoured some quiet reading time in the back room of the clinic over returning to the house. 

And potentially having to encounter Elain.

Busy days had time sweeping by in almost a blur, and suddenly it was over a month since your return. It was nice to be back in the swing of things — to heal, and to feel helpful and productive — and to truly become reacquainted with the life you’d walked away from. The homecoming ball Rhys and Mor were planning — that seemed to snowball with extravagance every time you received an update — was fast approaching. You were excited. Life was good.

But Elain…Elain made you…uncomfortable. 

It didn’t take a genius to recognise that she had no interest in you, try as you might to engage her in conversation. Living under the same roof as her had become a tentative performance of tiptoeing around her, of enduring her painfully short responses to your questions and the troubled glances you sometimes caught her shooting you. Not to mention having to watch her come alive beautifully whenever Azriel came around, and they took long, pleasant walks around the garden together.

You could only assume that she’d picked up on your history with Az. Or worse — that he’d confided in her about it at some point. The thought made you die a little inside.

The decorating of your own house was coming along nicely. The sooner you could move out, have your own space, the better. But until then, you’d been lingering later and later at the clinic as the nights swept by. 

You rubbed your eyes, shutting the large, battered tome about medicinal herbs, and pushed out from your chair. It was late enough, now, that Elain would probably have retired to bed, and you wouldn’t have to have an awkward run-in with her in the hallway. 

It was as you were gathering your things together, packing your satchel, that you heard it — a soft rapping on the clinic’s front door. You frowned, glancing at the clock, and then grabbed the lantern of dimming faelight from your desk, striding through to the front. 

The imposing figure you could just make out behind the glass could only be one person — the shadows coiling around him a telltale sign. You laid the lantern down on the counter and hurried to unlock the door. 

“Az?” You blinked, taking in the still, stunning sight of him. His hair seemed to be windswept, his cheeks tinged slightly pink and the smell of cold air clinging to him. “Are you alright?”

He grimaced, holding up one of his scarred hands. The sight of his blood had you starting towards him. “Ash arrow.” He explained. “I pulled it out, but…I think there are still some splinters in there that need digging out.”

That would explain why the wound hadn’t already healed itself, then. You gently took his hand in your own, using every bit of your focus on not trembling at the way his touch both cooled and heated you. You winced at the wound, glancing up to meet his gaze.

“Come through to the back.” You said. “I’ll get those splinters out.”

The grateful smile that tugged at his lips had you faltering on the spot for a split second, the breath almost knocked out of you. Only when you realised you were staring did you clear your throat, turning and pulling him with you. You didn’t let go of his hand, even with his blood staining your own palm.

Your back room was just large enough to fit the two of you in, as well as the table in the centre, and the cupboards along the wall that housed your supplies. Strings of dried herbs hung from the ceiling, crisscrossing over your heads and releasing a potent mix of different scents into the air. Azriel took the room in slowly like he’d never seen it before, and the breathtaking sight of his quiet observation almost had you stumbling. 

You turned away from him — mostly to hide your blush — and nodded to the table. “You can take a seat. Sorry that the chair isn’t very…wing-friendly.”

Just a soft chuckle was his response, and you heard the scraping of the chair being pulled out as you gathered your supplies, used your magic to brighten the faelight, and took your own seat beside him. 

The position was…intimate. His legs knocked yours gently as you sat down. 

“Let me see.” You murmured softly, and he placed his hand on the table, palm facing up. You studied the gash in his skin, slowly manipulating his long, rough fingers. “Do I even want to know why someone fired an ash arrow at you?”

“I was investigating a supposed threat near to the wall.” He responded, close enough that his breath fanned your face. “I suppose I got too close to a mortal estate and they considered me a threat. I didn’t see the arrow until it was lodged in my hand.”

You frowned to yourself. It was unlike Azriel to be so…unaware. It always seemed that his shadows whispered to him about peoples’ decisions before they’d even made them. So unusual for anyone to catch him off guard. Unless he was distracted by something. 

Still, you weren’t there to interrogate him — just to patch up his hand. You set about cleaning the wound, praying to the Mother that he didn’t notice the way your fingers shook. It was only as you began to dig the splinters out that a thought occurred to you. 

“How did you know I’d still be here?” You asked, your gaze trained intently on his hand. “At the clinic. It’s late…”

In your periphery, you could just make out the way his perfect face molded into a frown. “I don’t know…” He admitted. “I just…did.”

Strange, you thought — but you didn’t push it. It was the first time you and Azriel had been alone together since the night of your return, and you simply enjoyed being in his calm, quiet presence, neither of you feeling like you had to fill the silence. For a while, it was just the gentle plink, plink, plink of the retrieved splinters that you dropped into a bowl, and the measured sounds of Az’s breathing that would hitch every now and then when you tugged a particularly large, nasty splinter out. You were well aware of him watching you, the concentration on your face. It was almost too much…too close. Your cheeks were on fire.

It was somewhat of a relief when the last splinter was out, and you were able to draw back just slightly. You lathered a thin layer of a healing salve across the wound that was already beginning to stitch itself back together, and you reached for a roll of bandages. 

“It’ll probably be completely healed by the time you get home, but…wrapping it will give the salve a chance to do its thing.” You smiled gently, his calluses brushing against you as you wrapped a bandage around his palm and secured it in place. 

He dipped his chin. “Thank you.” 

Gods, he was beautiful. Too beautiful. It set your insides alight in every delicious, possible way. With your faces so close, all you had to do was lean in a few inches more to feel his lips, just like you had on Starfall—

You quickly jerked yourself away, silently reprimanding yourself as you gathered up your things and began to clean up. Azriel didn’t move from the chair. You could feel his gaze tracking your every movement as you tried to shake your reckless thoughts from your mind.

A moment later, he cleared his throat — pointedly. An announcement of sorts. 

“We, uh…” He sounded…uncomfortable. Out of his depth. He continued to watch you. “We need to talk about something, Y/N.”

Just like that, you froze, anticipation coiling in your gut. 

You’d hoped, what with a decent amount of time having passed since you’d returned, that Az had simply decided to brush your awkward past beneath the carpet, to pretend it didn’t exist. But as you slowly turned, pressing your back against a counter, every flicker in his gaze told you that such a hope was useless. 

His eyes met yours, deep and intense and smouldering. The sharp cut of his jaw moved as he shifted in his seat. Whether it was from the uncomfortable position of his wings, or the uncomfortable subject lingering in the air, you weren’t sure.

“…You left.” He said quietly. His voice was a deep tenor that had a chill skittering over your skin. “You left without saying goodbye.”

Your eyes dipped to the floor. “Yes. I did.”

“Why.”

You sighed softly to yourself. Every part of you — every tense muscle and limb and area of your skin felt too hot. You didn’t like this — facing your problems head on. You’d had the luxury of running away from this, of not having to talk about it. 

But what really could you have expected from coming home? The past never did stay in the past.

And you weren’t sure you even wanted it to.

“I was…embarrassed.” You admitted quietly.

A soft noise sounded in Azriel’s throat, one you couldn’t put a name to. “You just…left. One day you were there, and everything was fine, and the next thing any of us knew, Rhys was fretting and saying that you’d suddenly decided that you wanted to travel, to see the world, and you were gone.”

Fine. Everything had not been fine. The thought almost made you laugh. But you tamped down that thought, closing your eyes just long enough to take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry…” You said. “I didn’t mean to just…take off like that. I was scared that the longer I hung around, the more I’d lose my nerve.”

You were met with a silence so heavy, so potent, that you had no choice but to glance up and study Azriel’s face — to see if anything could be read on him. His jaw was set firmly, and his eyes burned with intensity as he stared at you. 

“Was it because of…of Starfall?” He eventually asked.

And there it was — the giant fucking elephant in the room. You fought the urge to cringe, to run away and hide. This clearly wasn’t going to go away on its own. 

So you shrugged. Tried to seem nonchalant. “I guess it was — partly.”

Az’s soft sigh was a caress on your skin. “You should have just talked to me once you’d calmed down…once we’d had a bit of space. You knew you could talk to me. You didn’t have to go running off for a century just to avoid me.”

“It wasn’t just for that.” You could feel yourself getting defensive, sure your cheeks were burning scarlet. “I did want to travel, to see the world. But yes, part of it was about avoiding you…avoiding what I’d done. I was embarrassed, and ashamed, and—“

“You didn’t need to be any of those things.” He cut you off.

“How could I not be?”

“You were young. You’d been through a great deal of awful things…”

Just like that, your eyes shuttered.

So that was the game he’d decided to play — to pretend that your attempted kiss had just been a heat-of-the-moment mistake born of being young, of being traumatised, of being misguided. 

Not of being in love.

The dismissal hurt almost as much as the original rejection.

“Azriel.” You said slowly, carefully. You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to reign in your temper. “Don’t—don’t do that.”

“Y/N—“

“If you feel nothing for me, that’s fine.” It certainly didn’t feel fine. You hardened your gaze as you met his. “But don’t talk to me like a child. I wasn’t one then, and I’m not one now. I knew perfectly well what I was doing that night.”

Azriel stared back at you, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow. A muscle in his jaw ticked. 

“No, you’re not a child.” He agreed, pushing out from his chair. He was a vision of night as he stood up, towering over you once more. “You weren’t then, either.”

You nodded, trying not to tremble as he came closer.

“But you are Rhys’s sister.” His voice was deep, guttural — feral. Like he was trying to tamp down his own anger. “And you respect your brother as much as I do. So — for that reason, what you did that Starfall night? Don’t ever try anything like that again.”

His tone was dangerous enough that you knew it was a command — and a hard, solid rejection. It stung, almost enough for the backs of your eyes to prick with tears that you willed away. 

You looked up abruptly, forcing anger onto your face in the hopes that it would mask your hurt. Azriel was already passing you in great, purposed strides, full of tension and ire. 

“Thank you for patching up my hand.” He said gruffly. “I’ll see you at the party.”

Just like that, he was a whisper of movement as he left the clinic, just the slamming of the door and the chiming of the bell the remaining evidence that he’d been there at all.

You sagged against the counter, your cheeks and eyes burning, stinging. You wanted to scream, to cry, to — something.

Mor’s efforts to make you up for the night of the party would be painfully pointless. Any hope that had ignited in you about that was snuffed out. 

As you bit down on your tears and cleaned your things away, Azriel’s deep, hurtful words rang loudly in your head.

“What you did that Starfall night? Don’t ever try anything like that again.”

Tags: @safetypinxtales @historygeekqueen @smartiepants217 @mulansaucey @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @issybee0611 @goldentournesol @percyjacksonspeen

[metallicaislife]

Meet and Greet

Requested by: Anon

Word Count: 1,536

Genre: 18+ Smut minors dni

Warnings: protected sex, oral(f and m receiving), swearing

The sun beat down on me as I waited in line. As soon as I heard Metallica was coming to my city, you bet I snatched a ticket so fast, and paid extra for the meet and greet. It didn’t matter that none of my friends were interested in the band, nothing was going to stop me from coming even if it meant I was going alone. 

I was surprised that I got there before the band did. I watched as their bus pulled up, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the door as it opened. The first member off of the bus was Kirk, he has been my favorite since I got into the band. He’s geeky, and proud of it, he just seems like the sweetest guy. His looks take my breath away, seeing him in person is so much better than the glimpses I've gotten on the television. His mop of curly dark hair, and deep brown eyes. Perfect. 

Our eyes met as he walked past, and he smiled. Kirk fucking Hammett perceived me with his eyeballs and smiled. I could die right now and still be the happiest woman alive. 

The rest of the guys walked past and waved saying hi to their fans. I was still on cloud nine just thinking about the smile from Kirk. 

Not long after they got there, the line started moving and the meet and greet began. When it was my turn for the one on ones, I talked to Cliff first, he was really kind, even though I could see he would rather meet fans in the wild instead of this sort of setting, but now they were blowing up and not playing small venues, that is a bit harder, so I’m grateful they are doing this meet and greet. Lars was next, and he was super funny. He talked my ear off about how excited he was for this tour and thanked me for coming. James had to tell him to shut his trap so the line could keep going, which brought me to James, super sweet guy. Like Cliff, this wasn’t his jam, maybe if it was the fan just talking to the whole group instead of the one on one, he would flourish a little more, he was delightful to chat with though. Kirk was last in line, I could feel my heartbeat picking up, just like out in line our eyes met and he smiled at me. 

“Hey, I’m Kirk.” He said, giving me a small wave. I introduced myself and mirrored his wave. He let out a soft chuckle. 

“Thanks for coming out, we really appreciate our fans, we wouldn’t be where we are without you all.” He said. 

“No, thank you for sharing your talent with us, my life wouldn’t be the same without your insane guitar riffs.” I complimented him. His grin widened.

“You’re too kind, and cute too. I don’t know if my heart can handle such compliments from a woman like you.” He winked. I could feel my cheeks heating up. “I don’t do this often, and believe me that isn’t a line, but here,” He said and reached in his back pocket and sneakily handed me a pass. “Our time is short here, but meet me backstage after the show.” He finished. In utter shock, I pocketed the pass and nodded. 

“Will do, Mr. Hammett.” I said, starting to feel more confident. Kirk smirked at me and we parted ways. 

Okay, keep it together. Yes, I just had my main character moment but I had to keep my head on planet earth. After the show could go many ways, but the most likely scenario had me clenching my thighs at the thought. 

Preoccupied with my thoughts, time passed fast, before I knew it, the show started. I was at the barricade on Kirk’s side. I know I already said it, but the tv screen does not do that man justice. He was so sexy on stage, lost in his playing. He kept looking my way and would smirk as I screamed along to the music. 

Needless to say the show was abso-fucking-lutely phenominal and I knew right then and there any time they come to play I would be purchasing a ticket. 

When the show finished, I confidently made my way backstage. Well, I was confident until I passed security and had no earthly idea where to go. I must have looked like a lost puppy as I stood awkwardly unsure if I should just start knocking on doors, because no way in hell would I give up whatever opportunity I was given by Kirk. 

“Hey, you’re the girl from the meet and greet.” A voice called out. I turned around and was met with Cliff, who had a smirk gracing his lips.

“Uh, yeah, I am.” I replied. 

“Loverboy’s dressing room is that one over there.” He said and pointed to the only door off to the side. 

“Thank you, Cliff.” I said, he nodded and moseyed off to his own dressing room. 

I made my way to Kirk’s dressing room and knocked. He poked his head out soon after, and smiled when he saw me. 

“Come on in.” He said opening the door wider. My eyes widened slightly seeing he was sweaty and shirtless already. I entered and he shut the door behind me. 

“You played really well tonight.” I told him. 

“Again, the prettiest woman with the compliments, I don’t know if my heart can handle it.” He said, placing his hand over his heart. I giggled. “Can I get you some water or beer?” He asked. 

“I’m fine, thanks.” I said. I wrung my hands together, the confidence leaving my body unsure of where this encounter would take us. I mean, I know what I wanted, but if I read the situation wrong I would absolutely die of embarrassment. Kirk noticed my hands and reached out stilling them. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just thought you were gorgeous, and had good vibes.” He said reassuringly. 

“Oh I definitely want to, unless you don’t want to, I just wanted to make sure I read the situation right.” I said. Kirk chuckled.

“I definitely want to.” He replied. 

“So it would be okay if I kissed you?” I asked softly.

“More than okay.” He whispered back.

I closed my eyes, our lips met softly as we wrapped our arms around one another. The kiss grew heated as he backed me into the couch and helped me lay down. He kissed my neck and left a mark. All reservations were gone as my hands wandered his body. He undressed me. My back arched as he I found his tongue to be just as skilled as his fingers. 

“Oh my god, Kirk…” I moaned out. I gripped his hair tightly and he hummed against my pussy. He used two fingers to bring me over the edge. My voice already hoarse from the concert. As I came down from my orgasm I noticed his boxers were removed. He stood next to my head and I positioned myself so I could take his dick in my mouth. I darted my tongue out liking the tip before letting him slide into my mouth. I hollowed out my cheeks as he began thrusting softly. Tears entered my eyes as he repeatedly hit the back of my throat. He picked up the pace and had his hand in my hair as he helped me meet his thrusts. I could feel him getting closer to his high. He stopped and pulled out of my mouth, he found a condom and rolled it on before climbing back on top of me. His lips found mine in a deep kiss as he sunk into me. His pace was relentless. He broke the kiss as my head fell back, I let out a hoarse scream. He bit my neck softly as his hand found my clit. He rubbed me as he continued rutting into me. I came a second time, the pleasure hazing my vision. Kirk came soon after and buried his forehead on my shoulder. 

“Fuck that was so good.” Kirk muttered. 

After we cooled down, He helped me clean up and we got dressed. 

“I probably ought to head out.” I said after gathering my things. 

“I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I don’t do this often, I know I’m in the middle of tour, but I want to see you again.” Kirk smiled at me.

“I would like that too.” I smiled back. 

Kirk and I exchanged numbers and he walked me out to my car that was in the nearly empty lot. Kirk kissed me, and waved goodbye as I drove off. 

Not only did I get to meet my favorite band, see them perform and have mind blowing sex with my celebrity crush… He wanted to see me again. Even if we don’t, I won’t kid myself, we live very different lives- I’ll be content knowing for one night I took the breath away from the man who has consistently stolen my breath since I saw his first interview.

Thank you for reading! :)

-Isa

[nocasdatsgay]

Baby of Mine A Spring Time Affairs Fic

Day 7 of @polyacotarweek Free Day

Pairing: Tamlin/OC/Elain/Lucien | Rating: T| Word count: 3778

Master List | Poly Week Masterpost | Read on AO3

Summary: After Calanmai and forgetting to take the tea, Flora is pregnant. The problem is, she doesn’t know if Tamlin or Lucien is the father.

Warnings: Pregnancy, Anxiety, base level childbirth mentions, a baby

AN: WE DID IT FOLKS! Last day of the week. I can’t want to go through the Masterlist and read what I have missed while writing. Thank you for all the likes and comments. PS: Can you catch the Beast of the Briars call out?

Tagging: @saltedcoffeescotch @ysmtttty

Tamlin said he did not care. 

Lucien and Elain both said they didn’t care. 

But Flora did. 

The stress was evident on her face as she turned in front of the mirror, gaze dropping down to her bare stomach. She was starting to show. New clothes would be in soon, her old ones already feeling snug. She didn’t want to despise the babe in her belly but gods it was hard to not let her worries get to her. 

She was Tamlin’s wife. She had a duty to him to have his heir. What would the court do if her babe came out with red hair or russet eyes? Their relationship wasn’t a secret. Everyone knew. But they’d been so careful and then Calanmai came and the one time she forgot to put contraceptives in her system, she ended up pregnant. 

She hoped it was the first undiluted magic that conceived this child. Tamlin took her into the cave. They made love on that stone and released all that magic back into the world. What happened with Lucien and Elain after wasn’t under the same pull of ancient magic. But doubt plagued her. Her plants showed her there was no difference between the first wave of magic and after. It could easily be the same with her. 

“Flora?” Tamlin’s voice dragged her out of her thoughts. Her gaze met his through the mirror. “Is everything alright?” 

Tamlin stayed nervous about her condition. She knew why. He was worried she would fall into a depression or worse. He was constantly encouraging her to engage with the court, to go outside with Elain. It warred with his want to keep her inside and safe. His mistakes in the past haunted him. Even after all the time that passed. 

“I just-“ she looked back at where her hand rested on her stomach. “You know I worry.” 

“I don’t care what others may think. You know this.” 

“They’ll talk, Tamlin,” tears built in her eyes. Her worries she had been holding in came tumbling out. “What good am I? If my first born is not your heir? This is a child, Tamlin. What if it is Lucien’s? What if it triggers something in Elain? They’re mates.”

“Flora.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked and tears spilt. “It’s awful to think these things, I know. I'm horrible.”

“You’re not horrible, my wildflower.” Tamlin came up to her, wrapping his arms around her. One hand splayed over her stomach. “How long have you felt like this?” 

“Since I found out.” 

She grabbed one of his arms with her hand to mentally steady herself. She hadn’t spoken out loud how she felt. She feigned excitement; they were so happy when her scent changed. She didn’t want to take that away from them just because she worried. 

“Honey.” She winced at the sadness in his tone. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” 

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You’ll never upset me.” She felt him kiss the back of her head. “I know you worry but our babe is so loved already and that’s all that matters.” 

She nodded and leaned back into the embrace of her husband. Tamlin was the most excited out of all of them. She just hoped she could match his enthusiasm sooner rather than later. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She officially was showing and barely made it out alive from the Court announcement party. So many congratulations, each one meant well but still grated her. She was a perfect Lady of Spring, faking her smile and when someone did notice, it was explained off as hormones. Tam watched her the whole time, ready to scoop her up and out of the room if needed. She finally feigned tiredness and excused herself. 

It was a relief to enter the empty hall. Though she was not alone for long. She made it up the stairs before running into one of the two people who put her in this predicament. Lucien’s gold eye clicked rapidly as he came up to her, studying her face. She had not seen him since his return this morning from visiting Day Court. 

“How did it go?”

Flora rolled her eyes. “I swear if I hear one more congratulations I am going to vomit.”

”So it went well. Good.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “And how are you? How’s my little one?”

”I am tired and annoyed. And you don’t know for certain, if this babe is yours,” she snapped. She regretted it the second the words left her mouth. “The baby is fine, Lucien. I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. That was unkind of me.”

“It was.” He didn’t hide the hurt on his face. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean that. I’m sorry.”  She looked down in shame. She’d never spoken to Lucien like that before. She was horrid. 

“Flora, look at me, I do forgive you.” He reached his hand under her chin and tilted it up so she would look at him. “I get it and I’m sure the announcement party didn’t help.”

Her eyes watered. “It really didn’t. None of them have any idea. They all just assume this was planned. They all just assume this is Tamlin’s and when I try to correct them, they just -” She took a shaky breath and her hand went to the small bump poking out from her dress. “Tam says stress isn’t good for the baby.”

”It’s not,” Lucien replied. “If they’re mine, they might come out looking grumpy and be mistaken for Eris if you aren’t careful. Try explaining that to the court.”

That made her laugh. “You’re right.” She gave him a soft smile. “He’s a boy, by the way. Don’t tell Elain, she doesn’t know yet.”

Lucien’s grin beamed with likeness of the sun. “We’re having a boy?”

“Yes. We are having a boy.” She paused and bit her lip. She knew the answer but after the party, her worries continued to fall from her lips without warning. “If this is Tam’s baby, are you sure you aren’t going to be mad?”

Lucien sighed. “I’ve already told you, it doesn’t matter if he’s mine or Tam’s, he will be ours.” Lucien tapped his finger on her nose. “Get those thoughts out of your mind. Don’t let the courtiers get to you. And go tell Elain before I find her first. I won’t be able to help myself and she’ll be livid you told me first.” 

Flora nodded and smiled again. Lucien always knew how to make her feel better. She stood on her toes and gave him a quick kiss before setting off to find Elain. He was right on that part; Elain was going to be livid she was the last to know. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tamlin made her nap in a guest room citing he ‘had a surprise’ for her. She was too tired to question it. Five months in and between being either absolutely insatiable and exhausted, she took his word for it and laid down. It wasn’t until after dinner that night, he escorted her to their rooms, grinning the whole time. 

“What did you do?” She asked, not able to suppress her own smile. 

“Come see.” 

They entered through the sitting room and into their bed chamber. Nothing looked different; Tamlin guided her forward into the next room and she gasped. The nursery was finished- and fully finished. Her hand went instantly to her stomach, where she felt the flutters of life moving inside her. 

“It’s beautiful,” she blinked back her tears. “Oh, Tamlin.” 

She called out things as she noticed them. The walls were painted a pretty light green. A bassinet in the middle and an oak crib against the wall near their room for later. Even the rug was beautiful- her favorite flowers stitched in throughout. Other furniture filled the room, all a deep oak like the crib. There was even a rocking chair and bookshelf by the window. 

“Do you notice anything else?” 

She frowned, looking up at her husband’s knowing smirk. She looked around the room again- everything was new. The room even smelled of wood still. She frowned harder; that wasn’t right. She glanced around the room again and finally noticed it. A new door opposite their own. 

“Where does that go?” She asked. 

“To Lu and Lainy’s rooms.” 

She jerked her head towards him again with her mouth open. “They’re moving? Really?” 

They talked about it so often before that Flora thought it was mute at this point. She desperately wanted them to be closer than where their rooms were now on the other side of the manor but didn’t want to push them. They deserved their own space. Even with the baby- especially with the baby. But knowing they agreed to move closer- she started crying. 

“We’ve been waiting for time to put the door in so they’d have access to the nursery too if needed.” Tamlin reached up and wiped her tears. “These are happy ones, correct?” She nodded. “Good. Come, I want you to pick out the curtains for the window.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three more months to go and Flora was ready to evict this baby now. Sitting was a little uncomfortable, her belly becoming rounder by the day. It didn’t help that her babe started to kick daily, for no other reason than to make his mother uncomfortable. 

Even outside in the garden, where the chairs could lounge out to prop up one’s feet weren’t comfortable. It was Elain’s idea to take their tea outside today. Flora shuffled about in her chair while Elain poured tea into a cup. 

“Drink this,” Elain sat the tea cup and saucer beside her. 

“What is it?” Flora was scared to sniff it. Last time she smelled anything but black tea she nearly hurled. Though that was early on in her pregnancy. She avoided it ever since. 

“Raspberry mint. I made it for Feyre and it seemed to help with the second pregnancy.”

She took a hesitant sip and her eyes widened right before she downed more of it. She sat back her chair and made an inappropriate noise. 

“This is the best tea I’ve ever had.” She took another drink from the saucer. “Thank you Elain.”

“You’re welcome. Hopefully it calms the little rascal.” 

Flora nodded and resisted the urge to down the rest of her cup. She set aside and watched Elain take a sip of her own tea. 

“How are your sisters?” 

Elain contemplated for a moment. Flora didn’t know if that was a bad sign or not. 

“Nesta has taken on a writing project.” Elain cut her eyes to Flora with a knowing look. “A romance novel.” 

Flora sat up straighter. “Really? On a scale of what I read and what you read, how smutty is it?” 

“What you read. You know Nes adores those Drake books. Stands to reason she would write something equally scandalous.” 

“You know you love those books too,” Flora playfully rolled her eyes. “I hope she completes it. Tell her I look forward to having a copy on my bookshelf.”

Elain grinned. “I will make sure to let her know.”

“And Feyre? How is she?” 

Flora held no ill will to the female. What happened between her and Tamlin was in the past. 

“She’s good. The twins are giving her hell.” Flora laughed at that. “She handed off her workshops to local artists. So now she’s only supervising the ones in Illyria and Hewn city, occasionally hosting an event.” 

“I thought you mentioned she planned for that?” 

Elain took a sip of her tea. “She did. She’s just been putting off for decades. She’s worse than Lucien, having her hands in so many pots.” 

Flora couldn’t disagree. She picked her tea backup and drank the rest before it was too cold. It was only minutes later when she realized she could still feel the baby move but his kicking stopped. 

“By the cauldron I thought he’d never stop. You’re a lifesaver, Lainy.” 

She only smiled and took another sip of her tea. They settled into a nice silence but Flora’s mind spiraled. No longer focused on her baby’s excessive kicking, she couldn’t help but wonder further about Elain’s sisters. She hadn’t had time to ask. Or even think about it but now…

“Elain?” She hummed in acknowledgment. Flora smoothed out the fabric on her belly idly. “Have you explained to your sisters he might be Lucien’s?” 

“I have.” She replied. “They are aware we have a different relationship, the four of us. They are understanding. You don’t know them as well as I do, but I promise they will not care. If they did, I would never let them hear the end of it.”

She accepted that response. Elain studied her for a moment, then reached over, placing her hand on Flora’s stomach. 

“No matter what, this is our baby. We’ve been over this. I will love him no matter who fathered him.”

“I know, I know. Thank you.” 

Elain gave her a soft smile and pulled back her hand to stand. She came over and gave Flora a quick kiss. She patted Flora’s shoulder. 

“Come, let’s clean this up and go bother our husbands.” She said with a grin. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The time finally came and Flora labored off and on for days. The whole time Tamlin never left her side. Lucien kept the court running and Elain took over the kitchens by cooking. She’d brought all kinds of food every few hours to see if Flora would eat. Flora took most of the pastries. She joked the baby had a sweet tooth but they all knew it was just Flora’s preference. 

It felt like an eternity passed before it came time to push. Their healer in the room supervised as planned. With Lucien and Elain flanking her sides, and holding her hands, Tamlin caught their child as he was pushed out into this world. Flora should have known the second she felt the head crown and Tamlin’s widened, what was about to happen. Of course she was too focused on screaming her own lungs out from the pain and pressure to realize it for what it was.

Their healer beside him cleaned out the baby's mouth and wails filled the room. Flora was finally handed a baby boy with the brightest red hair she’d ever seen in her life. And she laughed. She laughed and cried as she pulled her baby to her chest. All those months of worry, all the love for this tiny little being she grew in her body, and all the stress from labor hit her at once. 

It was bittersweet but not in the way she expected or planned for. She didn’t realize Elain had moved off the bed until Tamlin was right beside her, hands cupping her face as he kissed her forehead then her lips. He was crying too but there was no sadness in his eyes. No words were exchanged; they weren’t needed. It was their healer who finally intervened, moving Tamlin so her assistant could take the baby to clean up and she could take over for the rest of the process. Flora looked over to see Lucien and Elain still by her side. Both of them had red eyes also. 

“We have a baby,” Flora choked out, tears renewed. Both of them grinned at her. 

“We do,” Lucien laughed through his tears. 

They both gave her a long kiss each before the healer shooed them out to give Flora some space. They all agreed when she first became pregnant that no matter what, she wanted Tamlin by her side during the first few hours of recovery. She still felt guilty sending Lucien out, knowing what she knew now. 

The guilt didn’t last long when she felt like she had to push again. 

Tamlin was utterly smitten. Flora watched him cradle their baby in his arms while the head healer made certain everything else was gone and felt around her stomach. He was so gentle, like he was afraid he would break him. The healer finally took the baby back to show Flora how to feed him. Once he was settled, they cleaned up and Flora moved into their room. 

After some time with just her and the baby, Tamlin came back to join her on the bed. She also finally realized how exhausted she was. Being back in her own bed, with her baby calm had relaxed her heavily. Tamlin put their son in the cradle by the bed and crawled up next to her. They were silent for a long time, so much she almost fell asleep with Tamlin rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. His soft voice pulled her back from sleep. 

“Flora?” 

“Tam.”

“How do you feel?” He was still stroking her knuckles nervously. 

“Exhausted.” She knew that’s not what he meant. “Numb. I worried so much. I was so anxious. Now it’s over and I don’t feel anything.”

“Look at me,” he pulled back and tilted her chin up gently. His sad green eyes pleaded with hers. “The second you start feeling upset or overwhelmed, you tell me. Because you will- you just had a baby, our baby. Your body might be in shock.”

He let go and she nodded. “I know. I promise. I love you.”

“I love you,” he kissed her forehead. “Do you want to bring Lu and Lainy in? Or do you want to rest?” 

“They can come in. They need to meet their son proper.” She grinned when she said that. Their son. The four of them. 

“I’ll get them.” 

Tamlin went through the door to the nursery and shortly came back with Lucien and Elain right behind him. After a few exchanges of kisses with Flora, Lucien took the babe first. Elain came and sat by her while Lucien stood, rocking the baby gently in his arms. 

Then his brows furrowed, confusion etched in his face. “Are we sure he’s mine?” 

“That’s exactly what Beron said when you were born,” Tamlin replied immediately, causing Flora and Elain to snort with laughter. 

“No, I mean it,” Lucien replied through his own chuckles. “His eyes are green.” 

“No, they aren’t,” Flora replied. 

She had stared at her son the whole time she had him and fed him. Not once did she notice his eyes being green when he opened them. Elain got up and Lucien lowered him for her to look. Shock went over her face. 

“Flora, they’re green.” 

They brought their son over to her. She frowned as she took him and he grunted from being passed around. It took a moment for him to open his eyes again. Flora’s mouth fell open. Her son’s eyes were green. Tamlin’s green. 

Tamlin looked down at their son with a soft smile. “The Mother has a sense of humor. When we said our baby she knew we meant it.” He sighed and looked at his wife. “Do you still want to wait? Before we tell your parents he’s here?”

“Gods yes.” Flora’s parents always meant well, but were so overbearing sometimes. “I need a few days before my mother descends upon the manor. I’m also going to need all three of you here to explain this.” She smoothed her son's red hair gently. 

Along with overbearing, they weren’t understanding of her relationships. They only kept their mouths shut thanks to Tamlin being High Lord. Elain’s sisters understood. Lucien’s parents understood a little too well, considering who his father was. Flora was going to have to mentally prepare for the explanations she’d have to provide. Elain pulled her from her thoughts, moving her mate to sit beside Flora. 

“Have you picked the name?” 

Elain looked between her and Tamlin with her big doe eyes, innocently trying to hide her excitement. She’d been begging them to tell her what they picked for weeks. A small list was made by the four of them and from there, her and Tam picked two weeks ago. 

“Yes Lainey,” Flora bumped her forehead gently against Elain’s. “We’re going with Ezryn.” 

“Not the grumpy one,” Lucien exclaimed albeit playfully. 

Before Flora could even scold him, Ezryn grunted and shuffled in his swaddle. It would have been perfect timing if his hair hadn’t changed from bright red to brown. Her eyes widened as she just stared at her baby, silence between the four of them deafening. It was finally Elain, who said something. 

“Oh he’s going to be a rascal.” She covered her mouth and looked at her mate. 

Then Flora laughed again. Laughed and cried like she had when she held him for the first time. The whole time she was worried about his hair and he changed it. Which meant her worries, her acceptance of her fate, was all a waste. Tamlin was laughing too, his head on her shoulder. 

“He’s worse than you,” she wiped her eyes, turning her head to her husband. “By the mother he’s only a few hours old.”

“I still think he’s Lucien’s,” Tamlin chuckled, which sent Lucien howling. 

Ezryn did not like that. To be fair to him, his little fae ears could only handle so much. Tamlin took him, rocking him gently in his arms. Lucien and Elain both made their exit, promising to come back with dinner later so Flora could rest. By the time he was settled again, Flora was also nearly asleep. 

“He’s going to be a menace,” she whispered after Tamlin put their son in his cradle. 

“He’s our menace.” Tamlin got in the bed with her. “His powers are just fluctuating because he’s a newborn. They’ll taper out in a day or so.” 

She nodded and yawned. She then snuggled up to Tamlin to try and rest, though her mind raced. 

“Will you check on Lucien later?” She whispered. “I’m worried. We all thought…”

“I will, I promise.” He took her hand that laid on his chest and gently squeezed it. “I think he’s fine, but I will ask Lainy to keep an eye on him. Today was a lot for all of us.” 

“It was.” She yawned again. “Thank you.” 

Silence fell between them. She let Tamlin brush his fingers through her hair until she finally fell asleep.

[bebeyeyo]

au: vampire!mina

“mina! slow down! you’re faster than me by times 100!” you shout as you and your lover run through the woods.

well, more like you chasing after her because of how much faster she is than you.

“come on! we’re almost there, my love!” she giggles as you continue to follow her.

you grunt from relief as you finally reach where mina is meaning to take you.

you double over, “let me catch my breath…damn.” you pant.

your lover laughs at your misery making you scoff playfully until you look up seeing what was prepared for you.

you see a picnic laid out onto the green grass with lanterns that lit up the area so beautifully, including the fireflies that made you smile as each one lit up, then off

you then look at mina who’s seemingly got a nervous smile on her face.

“mina..this is beautiful! it definitely was worth the near asthma attack.” you sarcastically say as the vampire approaches you with a soft smile.

taking your hand in hers she brings you over to the blanket where you both sit down, and you enjoy every minute that is spent with her.

in fact, this set up is exactly what it was like on your first date.

same time, same exact date type, and a full moon that shines brightly lighting up the sky, and looking at constellations with her.

“do you think whatever or whoever lives in the sky knew that we were destined together?” you ask mina.

she chuckles softly, “maybe. i mean, we both ran into each other for a reason.”

“you didn’t exactly run into me. you just happened to save me from getting killed by another vampire.” you correct your girlfriend.

“and do i regret tearing their head off? no. no i don’t.” she smiles proudly.

“but who knows? i’ve been living for thousands of years, my love. you’ve only been alive for twenty five. my family expected me to marry another vampire lord, but i’m not into the idea of being with someone who has no morals.” she explains.

you look at her confused, “what do you mean? i mean, you and the other girls seem to have some morals set in place for yourselves.”

with a soft sigh mina places a hand on your thighs for comfort, “well, my love, you sometimes forget i wasn’t born this way. i was turned. my humanity still stands within me, although not physically anymore.“

you nod slowly.

“do you ever wish you stayed human?” that was a tough question for mina to answer.

she only shrugs, “i don’t have a yes or no answer for that. it was unexpected for this to happen to me. i’m grateful and don’t like it in some ways. like for one, i’m grateful i turned this way because it means i was able to meet you, and fall in love with you.”

you click your tongue with a playfully roll of your eyes.

“don’t be so cheesy, mina.”

she scoffs, “it’s the truth!”

you giggle before looking back up to the sky once more, not seeing mina shuffling out of your sight since you weren’t paying attention to her.

she took a deep breath in and out as her hands shook from nervousness she felt, but she felt she was ready, and hopefully you were.

as you continue to stare at the sky you see a shooting star go by. you gasp.

“wow! mina! did you see that-”

you cut yourself instantly when you turn your head, seeing mina turned to you holding up a ring. an engagement ring.

you were speechless as your eyes went wide from the shock and excitement that surged through your body.

your lover smiles nervously as she fumbled on her words.

“i’ve never done this before, but as long as i’ve been alive, i’ve never loved someone as much as i love you, y/n. although i’m undead, my heart still beats for you. i know it does. ever since meeting you i know you were the one for me, and i hope i make you feel as happy as i am with you,” mina speaks as she watches tears well in your eyes.

she lets out a shaky breath before speaking up once more, “i want you to be mine, forever.”

she then lets out a shaky, “will you marry me?”

mina’s question was answered when you nod frantically with a whimpered ‘yes’ leaving your lips.

the vampire shakily puts the ring on your finger, a breath of relief leaving her chest before she’s met with your lips crashing onto hers so deeply and passionately.

[meetmymouth]

theadora, part eleven

previous parts | full chapters on patreon

It had only been hours since Harry’s departure, though she still couldn’t move from her position at the kitchen table. She sat there for hours, a cold cup of coffee on the table, phone face down, and she thought about everything– everything before the divorce, and everything that’s happened tonight. Now as the clock nears four o’clock in the morning, she lets out a big yawn, and decides to get up and walk to her ensuite. She gets rid of her clothes, and gets in bed with makeup still on and the thoughts still swirling around in her head.

She thinks back to what Harry said.

Was it worth it? Were they being rash about this, getting back together no matter how slowly they went? Should they even be together now that they’ve gotten a divorce? All these questions ran through her head, eating her alive, and the sleep didn’t come until six o’clock, which lasted for two hours before her phone rang. She figures it was more than okay to answer the door with smudged makeup.

“Sorry,” she murmurs when she opens the door, though the words fall short when she sees Thea, all bundled up in her grandpa’s arms. “Hi baby,” she takes her into her arms, laughing when Thea makes excited sounds. “Hi sweetheart– hi my love. Mummy missed you.”

She smiles, walking inside as her father follows with Thea’s bag on his shoulder. “Yes, Teddy, hi, baby.”

David whistles. “No good morning to dad?” He says, placing Thea’s bag on the sofa.

She turns around, Thea still in her arms, and smiles. She doesn’t want to know how pathetic she looks with the smudged makeup on her face, and she’s eternally grateful that her father does not mention it.

“Good morning, dad,” she says, smiling still. “Sorry– I overslept.”

“You okay? You look a bit… you know. Are you ill?”

“No, not at all– I didn’t have time to take my makeup off last night, I got lazy.”

He nods, then follows her into the kitchen. “And how was the birthday party?” He watches as she puts the kettle on.

“It was good,” she takes two mugs out, and places Thea on her feet when she says, down– or at least something similar to that.

They watch as she walks into the living room, and finds a few of her toys and starts playing before David turns back to her.

“And?”

“And, what?”

“Come on, Y/N, you look like you want to tell me something,” he smiles, fixing his glasses.

She hates this.

She hates how much he seems to know her, her little quirks and whenever she’s too nervous to say something. She knows it’s a good thing, her dad knowing her well, but she still feels anxious about everything and talking about it will make everything worse, she thinks.

“How do you know me so well,” she murmurs, rubbing her eye, probably smudging mascara crusts around.

“Come on,” he says. “Out with it.”

“Harry was there.”

“Okay, did you guys have an argument?”

She checks on Theadora, then comes back to the kettle, and pours the water into their mugs. Walking to the fridge, she shakes her head, not knowing whether her dad has seen it or not.

“We didn’t,” she says for good measure. “It was actually– it was an interesting night. The end of it…”

She turns to him, and walks to the kitchen table, placing their mugs on there before sitting down. He looks at her with his thick eyebrows raised, and she finds herself sighing because of the nerves.

He clears his throat, hands around his mug. “If it’s something… explicit–”

“–Dad, no! God, don’t be silly.”

“Okay, okay,” he raises his hands. “Just tell me, Y/N.”

She gulps. “He asked to try again.”

A crease between his brows. “Try?”

“Try us– together. Like before.”

“Why?” He asks in a hurried manner.

She can’t help but roll her eyes. “Why, what?”

“What did you say?”

“Dad, I feel like you’re judging me already,” she murmurs, taking a small sip from her tea.

He does the same, and is quiet for a few seconds. “I’m not,” he says, nodding. “I’m not judging you, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“What did you say?” He directs the question again.

She sighs, taking another sip from her tea, and watches the bubbles in her mug disappear when she puts it back down on the table. Thea comes in the kitchen, and asks to be seated in her lap, so she does just that before looking at her father once again.

“I said– I said we should take things slow.”

He hums. “You’re together now?”

“I don’t know, dad–” she is interrupted when her phone goes off with a text in her robe pocket. She adjusts Thea in her lap, and fishes the phone out.

She can’t help the smile that comes out when she sees his contact name on the screen, and when the phone recognises her face, the text appears instantly. Good morning, it says. I can’t stop smiling, another one goes, when can I see you guys…

“Is that him?” David asks. “Harry?”

“Yes.”

“I love you,” he says. “You know I want what’s best for you, right?”

“I do, dad,” she nods, kissing the side of Thea’s neck as she plays with a toy block in her hands. “I do. I just– I love him.”

“Is that enough?”

A beat.

Then she sighs.

“I don’t know– I guess, we’ll see.”

He exhales. “I don’t want you to get hurt– again.”

“I love him.”

They’re silent for a moment, and Thea looks up at her mother, and giggles when the block falls from her hands and hits the floor.

David places his mug back on the table. “I always have your back,” he says. “I’ll always be here for you. It’s not– it’s not my place to tell you what to do. You know the best. I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I know, dad,” she bites her lip. “I just– I want to see where we go from here. I think something good will come out of this.”

He nods. “If you say so.”

David leaves after washing their mugs in the sink, and she feeds Thea before making herself another cup of tea as they sit on the sofa and Thea plays with her blocks. She’s being good, and quiet for some reason, so she takes the opportunity to get her phone out, and click Harry’s contact name.

He answers in seconds.

“Y/N?”

“Hi,” she says, trying hard not to smile like an idiot at the sound of his voice.

“Are you okay? Teddy?”

“We’re okay. Just wanted to call instead of texting.”

“Hm,” she hears the smile in his voice. “I’m glad.”

“So,” she looks around, then at Thea who’s looking up at her. She smiles. “Are you free?”

“Of course– said I’d want to visit last night, didn’t I?” Harry mutters, and she hears clinking sounds, probably him making a cup of tea. “Are you both free?”

“Yes.”

“Can I come and see you both? The weather looks nice… sunny. We can– did you have breakfast?”

“No, not yet.”

“Okay– we can eat outside, in the garden… in the sun. How’s that sound?” He asks, and she hears the kettle on the other end.

She nods, despite him not seeing her. “Yeah,” she says. “Sounds good.”

“I’ll be there in a few, then. I’ll make breakfast for you– is that okay?”

“I wouldn’t say no to that,” she laughs. He copies her.

“Okay. I’ll see you both in a few, then.”

“Yeah, see you.”

She looks down at Thea, and smiles. “Let’s get dressed, Teddy. Daddy’s visiting.”

She walks up the stairs, Teddy on her hip, and places her on her bed as she gets her clothes on; a pair of joggers and an old hoodie that belonged to Harry. She gets her fluffy socks on, and they make their way downstairs. She’s on the carpet with Thea, playing with dolls when the doorbell goes off, and she gets up, her heart thumping in her chest like she’s ran a marathon.

It's a relief.

Seeing him on her doorstep somehow gives her comfort and suddenly, she feels so at ease, like all the thoughts swirling in her head from last night had disappeared and left behind only one thing:

Harry.

“Hi,” he smiles, hand bearing a few shopping bags. She recognises the logo on the bags, and purses her lips, then laughs when he does, noticing what she’s looking at. “I can’t help it, you know.”

She lets him in, takes the bags from him, and watches him take his trainers off.

“You didn’t have to buy anything,” she says, looking back in the living room to see Thea still seated on the carpet. She turns back to Harry. “I have stuff for breakfast.”

Harry doesn’t answer and instead, he makes a beeline towards Thea and grabs her by her armpits, and places kisses all over her tiny face. It’s a wholesome and a beautiful sight, seeing them interact that way as Thea tries grabbing strands of his hair, trying to pull as much as she can while he peppers kisses on her face.

“Teddy,” Harry laughs into her neck. She feels put, like she can’t move as she watches their interaction. “You’re hurting Daddy. I’ve no hair left, bug.”

She snorts. “Drama queen,” she walks into the kitchen, and places the bags on the counter.

There are only two bags, and when she opens them, she sees that he’s picked up his favourite brand of milk, only available in select stores like Waitrose, bacon, organic eggs, pancake mix, some fruits clearly chosen with Teddy in mind, and her favourite brand of milk. She bites her bottom lip, then comes a feeling of a warm pair of hands on her waist.

She gasps, turning around, and finds Harry’s smiling face.

“Slow,” she murmurs, looking down at her feet. “We’re taking it slow, remember?”

He nods, biting his lip. He looks upset, though he recovers quickly and smiles. “Okay,” he says, nodding again. “Okay, yeah. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

“So,” he looks at the shopping bags. “I know you like pancakes and bacon and even though it annoys you, I bought a pancake mix,” he grins. “Saves us time and dishes.”

She looks up at him, then at Thea who’s walking over to them with a Barbie doll in hand.

“Okay, I don’t mind,” she laughs, taking the pancake mix out as Harry takes Thea in his arms. She turns back to them. “You’re on bacon duty, then. I’ll make the pancakes.”

She doesn’t mention him getting her favourite brand of milk. She doesn’t mention him also getting his favourite brand of milk. Instead, she takes them out of the bag, and places them on the kitchen table as Harry tries to navigate the kitchen, trying to find a frying pan with Thea still in his arms.

He looks up. “Did you change the place where you kept the frying pans?” He asks, a crease between his brows.

“Yeah, they’re on your right.”

“Oh,” he nods.

She shrugs, then takes Thea from him so she can place her in her highchair. Getting the apple slices from the Waitrose bags, she washes them once more just in case, and places the small plastic cup in front of Thea on her highchair.

They move around each other like they’re dancing, never once touching each other while Harry places the bacon in the frying pan as she gets the pancake mix ready.

She looks up from Thea, and looks at Harry. “Am I using my milk, or your milk?” She asks, turning her gaze to the milks on the kitchen table.

“Yours.”

“We can use yours.”

“I don’t mind– I know you don’t really like it so use the one you like.”

“Okay, thanks,” she murmurs, grabbing the milk.

They both get to work, placing each frying pan on the hobs as Harry stands with hands on his hips while she still shakes the mix by the stove. They’re both quiet, but it’s comfortable with Thea occasionally humming and blabbering words she can say in between bites from her apple slices. Harry turns the bacon over, and walks over to Thea, and takes a few photos while she chews funnily on a slice of apple. He comes back with a smile on his face, and she has to look away before she runs up to him and wraps her arms around his body.

“Did you see Glenne’s story?” He asks, making her turn to him after she pours some of the mix into the sizzling pan.

“No, why?”

“She’s tagged you in a video where she’s dancing to ‘Toxic’.”

“She’s crazy.”

He laughs, thanking her when she places a plate by the hobs for him to use for the bacon. “She kept messaging me about you as well. She stopped at four.”

“Why?”

“You didn’t text her when you got home and well– she kinda figured we left together or something after I ran outside after you.”

It’s her turn to laugh. “You’re silly, you know that?” She shakes her head, making him laugh.

When everything is ready, Harry sets the table outside while she changes Thea’s diaper and changes her into a pair of joggers and a jumper, something other than her pyjamas. When they walk outside, Thea on her hip while carrying the pancakes in her other hand, she sees him fixing the plates and adjusting their cutlery.

He looks up, and smiles. “I got the highchair, too,” he says proudly, motioning at Thea’s highchair.

“Thanks, H.”

“Of course. I already put the kettle on, you’re having tea, right?”

“Please.”

“Okay, I’ll be back.”

She places Thea in her highchair and sits on the chair closest to her, and grabs an apple slice from the plastic cup in front of her, making Thea whine and shake her head vigorously.

She whines even louder when Y/N laughs, and Harry comes back, carrying two mugs, and looks at them with raised eyebrows.

“What happened, bug?” He reaches and strokes her cheek, making her frown even harder.

“I stole an apple slice from her,” she laughs, tutting when Thea starts jumping in her seat. “It’s okay Teddy, we share, remember?”

“Mummy’s a little thief, isn’t she, Teddy?” Harry says, squeezing her cheek then stroking the small of her back. Thea looks up at him, and nods, humming in between. “Bet you didn’t even ask before taking,” Harry says, smiling at her.

She laughs, then grabs her mug and takes a small sip. She hums into the mug, pleasantly surprised at the way Harry remembered how she takes her tea. She knows she shouldn’t be surprised, and that you can’t forget how your ex wife takes her tea even after years because she herself still remembers how Harry takes not only his tea, but also his morning coffee. She notices him copying her and taking a sip from his drink– coffee, and they make eye contact.

Harry smiles. “Good?” He asks, motioning at her tea.

“Good. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“So,” she says, sighing. “Anything planned in terms of the album?”

Harry hums, stealing another glance at Thea before turning back to her.

“Album’s nearly finished. No interviews planned until March-April,” he nods.

She does, too. “Good. I’m sure it’s all coming along nicely.”

“You could say that.”

“Happy for you.”

He smiles. “How about you? How’s work?”

“I spoke to Matt,” she bites into her pancakes, and places the fork into her mouth along with a piece of bacon. She chews, then covers her mouth to talk. “I can still work from home. He’s good with that.”

Harry nods, putting a piece of bacon into his mouth. “Do you like it? Working from home?”

“I do, at the moment, yeah,” she nods. “I’ll probably go into work soon, though. Maybe in a few months. It’s,” she shrugs. “It’s good to get out of the house for a bit, you know?”

“I know, yeah, exactly. But I’m glad Matt is understanding.”

“Yeah.”

It’s quiet as they eat their breakfast in comfortable silence, birds chirping above their heads while Thea hums from time to time– whenever Harry gives her a tiny piece of pancake. She nods enthusiastically when he asks, d’ya want more of daddy’s pancakes, poppet, and Harry obliges, placing some more into her tiny mouth carefully. It’s peaceful, the three of them eating in silence, and she doesn’t let herself think about what would come later and if anything would come later; she just lets herself feel at ease and excited about the present and nothing more.

He takes a sip from his coffee, and hums. He opens his mouth to talk, but is interrupted by his phone. It rings in an ear-piercing manner, making him give her a sheepish smile before answering.

“Hi, Jeff,” he says, hand reaching for Thea’s as he strokes her tiny hand while she still chews on the pancake Harry has given her. “I can’t today.”

She raises her eyebrows, looking at him over her mug.

Harry continues. “I’m at Y/N’s– yeah, yeah. I’ll– how long would it be? Okay, yeah. I’ll text.”

He hangs up, and gives Thea a smile before sending Y/N her own. “It was Jeff.”

“Yeah,” she says, playing with the pieces of bacon on her plate.

“It’s Nick’s last day at the radio tomorrow– Nick Grimshaw. They asked me to say something nice– send a voice note.”

“Oh,” she says, nodding.

She knew Nick, and liked him a lot, seeing how he was friends with most people from her line of work. Before Thea, when they would go out, Nick would always be there, a whiskey in hand and Alexa Chung in tow. They were inseparable at the time, especially Harry and Nick. But now, not so much. Though, she knew they still kept in touch and liked each other seeing how Nick was one of Harry’s first friends when he came to London years ago.

Harry clears his throat after the sip of coffee. “Is it okay if I record it here? It’ll be a few seconds.”

“Sure, of course.”

“Okay,” he smiles, looking at Thea for a second. “She’s got another tooth coming out,” he says, stroking her cheek.

“I’m surprised she’s not fussy. She’s usually a handful when teething.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Harry laughs.

They sit and eat quietly, and get everything inside when they’re done eating while she rinses their dishes and Harry places them in the dishwasher while singing along to a pop song on the radio. It’s peaceful, doing things quietly– together, and she wishes for the moment to last a bit longer, for Harry to stay longer, and to have this quiet, still, but peaceful atmosphere for as long as they can.

When the dishwasher is loaded, Harry closes it, and turns to check on Thea who’s now sitting in the middle of the kitchen, still in her highchair, turning the pages to an old calendar Y/N’s given her.

“I’m gonna go do that thing in the living room then I’ll come back– do you want to put on a film or do you need to work?”

She places her hands on her hips, and leans against the counter. “I need to finish something on my laptop but it’s just editing– it won’t take long. If you still want to stick around–”

“–I do. I will.”

“Okay… I’ll finish in half an hour.”

“Okay,” he smiles, fishing his phone out. “I’ll be quick. Then you can go and do your work while we find something to do with Teddy.”

“Okay,” she nods. “Good.”

She watches him walk past Thea, but not before leaning in and kissing her forehead first, then her cheeks, and he disappears into the living room, phone already in hand. She walks over to Thea and strokes her chubby cheeks, kissing them before she walks to the fridge and starts placing everything back in there.

Milks go in first, then the eggs, then comes the leftover pancake mix. She then moves to the stove and grabs the detergent spray from under the sink, and sprays a generous amount in both pans before leaving them on the side of the sink. Watching Thea yawn, she can’t help but copy her, and it makes Thea giggle loudly before yelling out a mum numerous times.

“Shh,” she laughs. “Daddy’s recording something, Teddy,” she whispers, knowing she won’t be able to understand a word of what she’s saying.

She listens either way, and nods like she knows what her mother is on about.

Harry comes in a minute later, phone back in his pocket, and grabs Thea by her armpits and places her on his hip.

“All done?” She asks, leaning back against the counter.

“All done. Sent it to Jeff.”

She nods. “Was there… any news about– you know, from Glenne’s birthday?” She asks, hesitation and anxiety bubbling inside her.

She knows she shouldn’t ask, especially not to Harry, but she can’t help herself– she wants to know for some foolish reason.

Harry purses his lips. “On the internet?” He asks, rocking Thea back and forth.

She nods.

“I haven’t been online for a while,” he says. “Jeff doesn’t send me stuff unless it’s– you know,” he laughs. “Unless it’s a scandal.”

“Oh,” she exhales. “Okay.”

“Plus, who cares,” Harry walks over to her. He stands right in front of her, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and he ever-so-gently presses his palm against her cheek, and strokes her skin with his thumb before letting go. “Who cares what they say about us?”

“I know,” she murmurs. “I can’t help but wonder, though.”

He nods, and retracts his hand. “I understand,” he says quietly. “Now, go do your work inside and let us know if our dance party is too loud for you.”

“Dance party,” she laughs. “What are you going to put on? Kiwi?”

“Why not,” Harry shrugs. “Anything but Baby Shark.”

She leans forward and presses a kiss on Thea’s forehead, and as she pulls away, they make eye contact, Harry looking at her with parted mouth and a glimmer in his eyes. He grins at her, and tries to press his forehead against hers, but she shakes her head with a sheepish grin and pulls away completely, turning her back to them and walking towards her bedroom.

She works for an hour, and when she makes her way downstairs, it’s oddly quiet, and she stops in her tracks when she sees the room all tidy, and Harry is on the sofa with Thea lying on him, sleeping peacefully. She smiles, and walks over to them.

Harry looks up. “She fell asleep with the bottle in her mouth,” he whispers, hand on her back as he strokes the small of her back gently. He motions at the baby bottle filled with water on the coffee table.

“She does that sometimes. She prefers water over milk when sleepy.”

“What a weirdo,” he lets out a quiet laugh. “I think I’ve taken hundreds of selfies in this same position.”

She nods, smiling. “I’d do the same,” she sits on the edge of the sofa, by Harry’s feet. “Did you tidy around here?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

“No worries,” he smiles, looking down at Thea. “I want to ask you something.”

She raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms. “What is it?”

It’s quiet for a minute, then he talks. “Do you want to go get ice cream tonight? You, me, Teddy.”

She hums, and lets out a laugh. “Is it a date?”

“Sure– of course.”

“Yeah,” she says, looking ahead. “I’d love that.”

* * *

She feels a bit hesitant about going out with Harry.

She doesn’t think she’s ready to be photographed, to be looked at by his fans, especially with Thea with them. She knows it’s not something he can control, being looked at, but she can’t help but feel anxious over it. One look at the mirror though, she realises she can’t live her life in such anxiety over what ifs and what would happen if she were to go out with him. She decides that she will go out, enjoy her ice cream despite the possibility of being photographed either by a bunch of iPhones or a pap.

She grabs her bag, then walks downstairs, finding Thea already in her stroller with her bag strapped on it and Harry on his knees, trying to get her shoes on.

“Teddy,” he sighs, seemingly not finding this task enjoyable with the child waving her feet around. “You’ve to wear your shoes, darling. Look,” he gets on his feet again, and lifts his leg. “Daddy’s wearing his shoes.”

“What’s going on?” She walks over to them, and smiles when Thea murmurs ‘mummy’.

“She doesn’t want to wear her shoes.”

“Try the pink ones, they were on the coffee table,” she smiles at his face.

He frowns, but still goes to grab the pink Converses on the coffee table.

The little child wears them with no problem. Harry laughs, she does, too.

“Got all of us wrapped around your finger, don’t you, Teddy?”

After numerous ‘dada’s, they wear their coats, and walk outside.

She suggests the ice cream shop down the street and Harry agrees, and he asks if he can push her stroller in which she responds, be my guest. It’s easy, walking down the street together, not getting any looks because most of her neighbours know them by now, and aren’t unfamiliar with Harry’s celebrity status. When they arrive at the little cafe selling her favourite ice cream, Harry doesn’t even ask before going in, and leaves them outside by the wooden benches as she takes a seat, and turns to Thea, finding her looking around and trying to adjust to the light.

He comes back with two cones, chocolate and lemon for you, I got vanilla and caramel for myself. She can’t help the soaring feeling in her chest, heart beating faster because he’s so sure of himself, of knowing what she likes despite them not doing this in a long, long time.

He sits on the other side of the bench, and turns Thea’s stroller a tad so he can see her clearly. Thea looks around, then at her dad, seemingly finding the ice cream interesting as she tries to reach for it.

“Want ice cream, Teddy?” Harry asks, laughing. “Here,” he says, getting the cone closer to her. She opens her mouth, and touches her lips to the ice cream, face instantly turning into a frown like she’s just bitten into something sour.

They both laugh, and she notices how he’s been filming the whole thing on his phone.

“Guess ice cream is not for you, bug.”

“She’s missing out, that’s for sure,” she murmurs, licking her ice cream.

Harry copies her, and licks more of his ice cream. “Do you remember when she was born, you had a bad dream and almost didn’t want me to hold her?” He smiles at her.

She snorts, remembering the story. “I do. I was so mean to you.”

“You were. I almost believed I did something bad.”

“You did! You stole her and went to live in Italy with a trophy wife,” she murmurs, licking more.

Harry laughs, Thea does too. “Good times, eh?”

“Definitely.”

She looks around, and notices a couple of teen girls looking at them with each holding a cone of ice cream in hand. They make eye contact, and the brunette one immediately gasps and turns to her friend, Y/N swiftly turning her gaze to Thea. She turns the stroller so no one can take a look at Thea from the side, and looks up at Harry.

“There’s a couple of people– think they recognised you,” she murmurs, looking down at her ice cream.

Harry looks up, then looks around, and then back down at Thea. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “Do you want to leave?”

“No, I don’t think so… it’s just that– I don’t want them to take photos of Thea.”

He looks at the girls again. “I’ll go talk to them, how’s that sound?” He licks once more, attempting to get up.

She nods. “Okay.”

Harry gets up, strokes Thea’s cheek one last time before he makes his way over to the girls who are by the door, still not making any move to go into the shop. She turns around, not wanting to make eye contact with any of them, and Thea starts babbling something, making her giggle into her ice cream. When she steals a glance at Harry, she notices him nodding, and he finally waves at them before turning around and walking over them with a small smile.

He sits back down, adjusts Thea’s sun canopy, and turns to her. “You good?” He asks, licking the last bits of his ice cream. He bites into his cone as she nods.

“Yeah. What– what did you say to them? I’m sorry if it was awkward I just– I worry,” she looks down at the wooden table.

“Y/N,” Harry says, waiting for her to look up at him. When she does, he sends her a big smile, dimples much like Theadora’s, and shrugs. “It wasn’t awkward at all. I know you worry– I do, too. You don’t need to apologise, I sorted it out.”

“Okay… okay, yeah,” she exhales. “Thank you for the ice cream.”

The smile gets bigger. “Thank you for coming with me. I… I missed hanging out like this. Just the three of us,” he says, voice laced with honey.

She looks up as a cloud passes above them, all the remaining sun disappearing behind it, though it’s gone, she still feels all warm inside and outside, cheeks extremely hot to touch– if she were to touch them, and ears feeling like they’re on fire. And, looking at him, she knows it’s all because of him– because of his sweet words. She doesn’t know if it’s permanent, them three, sitting peacefully like this– or whether their ‘love’ had a trial run. She doesn’t know anything, though she can’t help but let herself feel all these good and warm feelings, letting her heart soar with happiness and love– love towards this beautiful, beautiful man.

She nods, looking down. “I did, too.”

They walk back home in silence, only Theadora talking at times and Harry responding in the same enthusiasm, and when she unlocks the door to her flat, Harry follows close behind without a word. He takes his shoes off, and watches in the corner as she does the same. Without saying anything, he grabs Thea from her stroller, and waits for Y/N to make a move so he can, too. She does, and walks inside, putting Thea’s bag in the corner before walking into the kitchen.

“Tea?” She calls out to Harry. Sure.

After putting the kettle on, she walks back out, and watches as Harry helps Thea with her favourite blocks. She gets bored, though, and walks over to her crayons. Harry asks where she keeps the papers, and she gives them some blank ones before walking to the sofa, and she sits down, watching with a smile on her face as they try to draw a tree, then a flower, then a tiara.

Harry’s phone buzzes, and he taps it twice, then looks up, finding her gaze.

“What is it?” She murmurs, noticing the hesitation in his gaze.

“It’s Jeff.”

Of course it is, she wants to say.

She doesn’t.

“What is it?” She repeats. “What happened,” she says, heart starting to beat faster than usual.

Jeff usually didn’t bring good news with him. She loved him, of course she did, but she knew it was work before friendship in most cases.

Harry swallows. “Someone posted a picture of me– just me,” he adds swiftly. “But, I think the girl who took the picture– she said you guys were with me.”

She doesn’t say anything for a while– just watches Theadora work the paper with a pink crayon with parted mouth. When she looks up, she notices the fear in Harry’s eyes.

“Okay,” she nods, voice in a whisper. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Whatever.”

He clears his throat. “Are you– are you angry? I can try and get it removed– the tweet, I mean. I mean– I doubt it’d work but–”

“–Harry, it’s okay,” she cuts him off, ending his suffering. “It’s always bound to happen. At least– there’s no pictures of Thea… right?”

“No. None.”

“Okay, good– that’s good.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Harry murmurs, playing with a green crayon. “I know how much this all worries you.”

It did. It truly did, but she doesn’t think Harry is to blame. He offered, she accepted. She chose to go, knowing what would or could happen, but she still chose to go. Because she wanted to.

“I wanted to go,” she says. “You asked, and I said yes knowing there’s always a possibility of being recognised. You’re not– you don’t need to apologise. I know,” she sighs. “I made you feel bad for it at the time, acted like it’s all your fault– but I know you can’t help it at times. I– don’t really want to talk about the past right now…”

“Yeah,” he nods, a small smile appearing on his face. “Yeah, I get it.”

“I’ll go make tea.”

“Yeah– okay.”

Their tea is gone in minutes, Thea is fed and changed, and on top of that, Harry manages to put her down for a nap before she hears him walking downstairs, and she walks into the living room, finding his hair sticking out in every direction.

“What happened?” She laughs, crossing her leg over the other on the sofa.

“It took me a while, but she’s down.”

She smiles. “Thanks for that, by the way. I unloaded the dishwasher and put something in the oven–”

“–Was I gone for that long?”

“No,” she says, laughing. “It’s frozen lasagna,” she says, pursing her lips when he cringes. “Sorry?”

“Nah, you’re all right. I– I should probably get going,” he murmurs, playing with the string of his hoodie. She watches the movements of his fingers, then looks up at his eyes.

“You– I mean, you don’t need to.”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I know we said we’re taking this slow,” he murmurs, looking down at his lap.

She looks at him. “Yeah?”

“I would– really like to kiss you right now.”

“Oh.”

He looks up. “I’m sorry–”

“–No,” she shakes her head, then continues. “No, it’s okay. I guess… you can kiss me.”

And, he does.

He surges forward, and locks their lips in a mouth-bruising kiss. It starts off as rushed and aggressive, though it becomes slow, gentle, and his kisses take form into little pecks on her lips, kissing the corners of her mouth before locking them once more, tongue swiping across her bottom lip. She opens her mouth, feeling brave, and their tongues touch, all wet and warm before he returns to pecking. She laughs into the kiss, making him laugh, too, and it becomes all messy and wet at the same time before she has to pull away from his kisses and place her forehead against his, hand immediately going up to his neck.

“What,” he laughs, eyes still shut.

She shakes her head, still giggling, heart beating like crazy. “I feel like we shouldn’t have done that,” she whispers, and he touches her nose with his.

“Why’s that?” he whispers back, nose still touching hers.

“This is not taking things slow.”

“That was a slow-paced kiss, right?”

“Stop,” she murmurs. “That is not how it works.”

“How does it work?” Harry asks, finally opening his eyes and looking into hers.

“I– I don’t know.”

He nods, placing his hand on hers that is still on his neck.

They’re quiet for a moment before he breaks it with a smile.

“We’re gonna figure it out together.”

[frozenjokes]

Signing Back In, Apparently - 9

Prev/Next

Through the fizzling spurts of his slowly fading anxieties, Mumbo was beginning to feel.. light? A good feeling! Very good! Impulse had sat them all down to, in his words, ‘Get it all out on the table.’ Get on the same page. Talk.

And they did.

It took awhile for the ice to be broken, but the longer they went, the more horrified Mumbo was about just how much the four of them had left unsaid. Pearl was afraid. Afraid of being hurt, afraid of the crew being hurt, and being too late to save them. She always used the word save. Scar couldn’t do any more harm if he was dead, and god , she wanted him dead. Scar needed to suffer for the way he had played with them. Grian locked her in a tight hug when she admitted to blaming herself for his death. Mumbo hadn’t even known what had happened between the two of them and Scar before now.

Grian was.. angry? He was angry so he didn’t have to be sad, confused, betrayed, and every other range of emotions someone might feel when one of their best friends murders them. It shocked Mumbo to learn Grian still wanted desperately to know why. “I thought if I just crushed it down hard enough, I would eventually stop caring. I thought if Scar was dead, then it would go away. Now, I’m not so sure.” Mumbo took Grian’s hand in his and promised he’d find out. Mumbo didn’t recognize the pain in Grian’s eyes when he begged Mumbo not to.

“I don’t understand,” he had said. No one explained.

Mumbo probably had the most to say. Maybe it was because his own emotions were so confused? Unraveling every piece of the story felt like he was fraying the strands, leaping back and forth as he tried hopelessly to keep things simple and understandable. He was grateful when Impulse would step in and help. Usually, his insight was right. Pearl and Grian looked.. mostly distressed to be honest. Mumbo was deeply relieved when the explanation of his own attachment to Scar seemed to click for Grian. He hadn’t realized before seeing Grian’s shoulders relax, that Mumbo wanted him to understand the most. Pearl struggled with the idea, but she promised she wasn’t angry. Given Mumbo felt similarly with her desire to hurt Scar, he was more than happy to leave it at that.

Impulse insisted he had already said everything he wanted to with each of them separately, but with more than a little friendly bullying, he eventually caved. Mumbo didn’t remember the last time they had all laughed together like this. When they were alive, maybe?

“How did we ever lose sight of this?” Mumbo leaned back on his hands. He.. felt warm.

“Well I have a guess!” Grian rolled his eyes in mock-exaggeration, pushing against Mumbo’s arm.

“Ugh, Scar. Well, he did one good thing at least, bringing us all together. I can’t imagine living without you guys. Or, dying? Being dead? Gosh, imagine being dead with three other people you hate! I’d go crazy!” Pearl threw her arms in the arm, carrying the top half of her body ever so slightly away from the bottom. Grian snickered.

“Well, now that we’ve all agreed we are happier without Scar in our lives, I am declaring a Scar vacation! A Scarcation if you will,” Impulse grinned, making circles with his hand as he bowed. Mumbo clapped when no one else made a noise. “We all need some time away, I think. Even though we’re bound to him, we still have quite the range we can spend elsewhere, so I think we should take the opportunity to.. I don’t know! Hang out? It’s exciting, isn’t it?”

“Yes please, ” Grian let himself float on his back, crossing his legs. Mumbo caught Pearl’s eye, relieved to see her also looking a bit unsure.

This didn’t escape Impulse’s notice. “I know we’re all very focused on our individual goals, but Scar isn’t going anywhere. We need to take care of ourselves, first. And honestly, I’m tired! This is a mandatory vacation, so I don’t want to hear any complaints.”

“Okay, dad ,” Grian giggled, flicking at Impulse’s hair.

“Hey! You were on board!”

“You can’t force me to do anything! I’m a free spirit! A free spirit that doesn’t want to so much as look at Scar for a while! Let’s go Scarcation!”

“Just.. how long?” Pearl asked, unable to cover the apprehension in her voice.

“A week. Just a week.”

Pearl blinked, quickly sinking into a more relaxed posture, “I can swing that. Mumbo?”

“What? Yes, of course that’s fine. Sorry- do you guys feel like Scar is getting farther away? Like that pull?”

The three other ghosts paused, silent in their focus. “Oh come on!” Impulse broke it first, “Scar hasn’t gone sailing in- in weeks, right? Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of his life! Why would he go now?”

“Are we just going to let ourselves get dragged through the water then, or do we get to sit on the boat?” Pearl gave Impulse a bemused smile, patting him on the shoulder.

“Maybe we just don’t interact? Scar’s never out long,” Mumbo suggested. Impulse put his head in his hands.

“We could always just start tomorrow,” Grian suggested, shrugging.

“But we just had a moment! It was the perfect time!” Impulse wailed, throwing his hands up.

“Come on, let’s just go,” Pearl laughed, pulling Impulse to his feet, “Scarcation has already started, we’ll just separate once the boat docks.” The pull was starting to get uncomfortable now as Scar presumably picked up speed, and Mumbo wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to stay. He caught Grian’s eye, waving before he disappeared.

“Why would I tell them I’m leaving? They’ll figure it out, and they can teleport to my location anyway. God, when I first got here they wouldn’t stop because it spooked me so bad each time one just appeared in front of me! Eventually, I just got really good at not flinching so- AAUGH!” Scar’s scream was magnificent as he turned around to see Mumbo standing there, making a flying leap directly into Cleo’s arms. Grian popped into existence beside Mumbo, cackling as Cleo unceremoniously dropped Scar to the ground. Mumbo doubled over next to Grian, tears forming at the edges of his vision.

“I take it they’ve arrived?” Cleo smirked.

“Oh! Did you scare him?” Pearl said, delight evident in her tone as she pushed forward to examine Scar, still laying on the ground

“I didn’t mean to!” Mumbo jumped back, unable to keep the smile off his lips. He sat down, joined quickly by Impulse. “Sorry, I think I’ve already jumbled your Scarcation.”

“Well on a ship this small, I think that was inevitable. Alright everyone, pack in! Just pretend like he’s not there!” It took a little more convincing to get Pearl and Grian away from Scar, but eventually, they all sat, trying their best to ignore whatever Scar and Cleo were speaking about. But why was Cleo here? Mumbo hadn’t seen her in ages, along with most other pirates from the other factions. The same question was plastered on the faces of the other ghosts, and it wasn’t long before the whole group was silent, listening.

“Scar, aren’t you going to introduce me to your ghosts?” Cleo put her hands on her hips and jokingly tapped her foot. When Scar only gave a noncommittal grunt, she plucked him off the boat’s wheel and turned him around.

“No? Why do you even care? They’re my ghosts,” he scowled, shaking her off.

“Relax! I’m not going to take them from you. I just want to be friendly if we’re going to be seeing each other more often, and plus, ghosts are far more interesting than people.”

“I refuse to do this regularly. I already think it’s stupid, and honestly, you’ve made it seem like I’m not going to survive the trip in the first place.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine, you’re charming enough. Cub loves that kinda thing, which is why he’s so obsessed with me right now. It’s definitely not because I’ve started a competing business and anyone who tells you so is a damned liar.”

“Okay, this is like the fifth time you’ve brought Cub up, care to tell me who that is?”

“Trust me, it will be better as a surprise.”

“You keep implying he’s going to kill me!” Scar said, pointing an accusatory finger. Pearl perked up, but curled back in when Mumbo laughed, a sheepish smile crossing her face. She pushed him, and he pushed back without missing a beat, the two of them dissolving into a complete cat fight in seconds. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Impulse looking pleased. Pearl caught his moment of distraction, shoving her hand over his face with a short bark of laughter. Mumbo fell back on Impulse with a yelp, only for Grian to lunge past him onto Pearl, sending the both of them tumbling over the edge.

Grian didn’t miss a beat before teleporting back to Scar’s side, striding forward with great bravado, “I saved you, Mumbo! Be grateful!”

Mumbo rolled his eyes, “My knight in shining armor are you?”

“If you want to call me that, sure!” Grian happily took Pearl’s place beside him, looking quite pleased with himself.

“Ugh! Grian! You know I can’t see you in the water, how was I supposed to know you’d left?” Pearl said, appearing at Scar’s side. She laughed, eyes softening, “And you stole my seat.”

“You weren’t appreciating it enough.” Grian only caught Mumbo’s eye for a moment before both of them were distracted by Cleo’s call.

“Look, it’s right over there. Try not to crash on the spiky rocks, they’re hard to see through all the ominous, ever-present fog.”

“This ‘The Haunted Island’ is quite on brand, isn’t it?” Scar huffed, adjusting his grip on the wheel.

“Oh, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. They’ve also got haunting wails, cold breezes that send shivers down your spine, all of the good stuff! These guys have a reputation to uphold after all.”

All four ghosts stared, frozen in place. And then, almost all at once, they stood up to get a better look, clambering over each other. Mumbo felt Grian crawl onto his shoulders, and then felt Pearl scramble up Grian. Impulse floated beside them with an amused, but exasperated look.

“Where the hell are we going?” Pearl leaned forward, causing Grian to squeak and Scar to scream. Cleo was the first to turn around, delight coloring her face.

“Oh, look at that, you guys are adorable! It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

[onceuponafosterkid]

Just an update on my brother:

He’s slowly getting better. They put him in a coma for the first 48 hours to protect his brain. They said he hit a truck going at least 60. He had two brain bleeds, a liver laceration, spleen laceration, aorta leak, bruised lungs, and fluid in between his heart and lungs. He was intubated and on a ventilator but they took him off today. They say that he can hear us when we talk to him, and he’ll squeeze our hands but I don’t know if it’s reflexes or intentional. His face was super swollen but it’s gone down, and he’s got a pretty decent injury on his forehead. He lost a few teeth too. Our two oldest sibling have come down from Oklahoma to see him, so we have almost the whole bio family out here which is the first time we’ve all been together in years. I think he knows we’re all here. Last night he was getting pretty agitated but I held his hand while they did the assessments and he calmed down a little bit. He still has a long road to recovery, but I’m so grateful that he is alive. They’ve taken him off of sedation and now we’re just waiting for him to wake up.

It’s been weird seeing his parents (my ex-adoptive parents). His dad has been cordial, but his mom has not. She refused to sit in the same room as us that first night. I thought I wouldn’t be scared of them anymore, but my heart was racing and I couldn’t breathe when they walked into the room. I know they can’t hurt me, and they wouldn’t here in the hospital. Even if they did, I have people who would help me. It’s hard to look someone in the eyes who abused you and your brother and pretend to be okay. It feels like they’re still taking the one good thing I have, which is my brother. He’s the one person who knows how hard this is. I already know what he would say if he could talk. I’m grateful to be surrounded by our bio family, and I know he will super excited too when he wakes up.

[emilyssky]

Chapter 3: Turn Down The Lights

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

I woke up with one of the worst headaches I've ever had. The events of last night a bit blurry in my head. I groan and search under the covers for my phone. I have 5 missed calls and 12 messages from Chan, a few messages from our group chat, and a missed call from Emma. Last night, after the fight with Minho I got an uber and went straight home, without saying goodbye to anyone. Now I silently curse myself that I didn't. Chan was supposed to take me and Emma home so I decide to go and check if Emma is in her room. I pull myself out of the comfort of my bed and walk across the hall.

"Em?" I gently knock on her door. After a few seconds of silence, I push her door open only to see her bed perfectly made with random pieces of clothing on it and a few shoes thrown around the room which means that she didn't come home last night. I immediately start to panic, Emma isn't the type to sleep around. I dial her number and after 3 rings she picks up.

"What the fuck y/n, you scared the shit out of me. Why did you leave like that? What happened? Where are you?" Her voice is filled with worry.

"I could ask you the same thing. I'm home, where are you?"

"I'm still at the frat house, I slept here last night." She says and I can feel her shyness through the phone.

"Em, who did you fuck?" I giggle.

"Y/N!" She squeals.

"Get your ass over here, we need to talk"

"Do you wanna meet at the cafe near the frat? We need to practice anyway, so we can go straight to the dance studio after."

"Yeah, okay I'll be there in about half an hour. " I say and hang up.

I walk to our shared bathroom and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My makeup from last night is still on, well kinda. I cried so much last night that my eyeliner has spread all over my eyes and down to my cheeks. Last night was too much. It was something that I didn't really want to deal with ever again, seeing him and putting myself in a situation to relive all these bad memories I have with him. I was really grateful for Minho, in a way. I still can't believe that it was him that night. I honestly thought that I would never see that person again. Our conversation that night stayed with me for a long time after. The advice that I was giving him was one that I never seemed to follow, it was a reminder though. I kept the words I said to him in the back of my head to remind me that; I control my life and I can change it any time I want. Which is easier said than done when I find such comfort in the struggles of my life. They become excuses for me to not even try anything better. I shake my head and remove my clothes. I take a quick shower, throw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, grab my dance bag and make my way out the door. As I walk towards the frat, I decide to call Chan back. I know that he's probably worried just as much as Emma was but honestly, I'm a little nervous to talk to him after everything that happened last night. I don't know if Minho said anything to him or not but either way I can feel my heart racing as I wait for him to pick up.

"You're dead” His voice sends chills down my body, even through the phone.

"Okay let me explain."

"Do you know how worried I was? I can't have a single night of fun without worrying about your ass. What the hell happened?" He sounds genuinely annoyed to the point that it makes me feel bad cause it's true, Chan's always there. He's there for me at every party, taking care of me, taking me home when I'm drunk, and making sure I don't do anything I'll regret the next day. Which is hard.

"I know Chan, I'm sorry" I sigh. "I'll explain everything, are you at the frat?"

"No, I'm at the studio with the guys, why?" I inhale a sharp breath cause I know that being in the studio means that Minho's probably with him.

"I'm going for a coffee with Em, near the frat. She said she stayed over yesterday."

"Yeah" He laughs "She will tell you everything herself, I don't wanna spoil anything"

"How long will you be at the studio?" I nervously ask.

"I don't know. Tell me what happened now."

I take a breath, getting ready to lie to my best friend once again. "I just didn't feel well and everyone was having such a good time that I didn't wanna bother anyone, so I just took an uber home"

"Cut the bullshit Y/n." He brushes my lie off. "Did Minho say anything to you?" At that, I stop walking.

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"He left without saying anything as well and today when I came to the studio, he kept asking me about you" He casually says and my hand that's holding the phone begins to sweat.

"What was he asking you about?" I try to sound unbothered.

"Just random stuff but I found it weird cause I thought that the only interaction you guys had was when you met the guys, which did not go well. Obviously, that's not true so tell me what the fuck happened." He demands again. For a second I consider telling him the truth. That a saw Jackson and everything that happened with Minho afterwards cause Chan is my best friend and I can't really lie to him. We tell each other everything. Well, almost everything. The reality of my relationship with Jackson was something that none knew besides me and him. It's something that I wanna forget, a piece of myself that I don't want anyone to see. I'm ashamed of it. But the more I burn it deep inside me the more it's eating me alive. What was happening for almost a year, took a toll on me. It changed me into a person that I never wanted to be. And now here I am, trying desperately to keep up with the image of myself that my friends and family know and love. Hiding the truth about my childhood and my relationship, and fighting to be the person that I dreamt of becoming. Someone with no trauma, weaknesses, or mental issues. Someone who smiles at every situation and a not a burden to be around. I knew it was a matter of time before all my secrets catch up with me and I know that Minho knowing is only the beginning. I need to take control of the situation. Chan seems clueless about Jackson and that takes a bit of my anxiety away but the fact that Minho was asking about me does not calm down my nerves at all.

"Um, nothing we just bumped into each other when he was looking for the bathroom. He was acting like a complete dick, what's his deal?" I try to push the conversation into Minho.

"He's not a dick. Really." Chan emphasizes the word "He's just.." He trails off searching for the right word.

"A dick." I laugh.

"He's complicated. Don't be quick to judge him."

"Whatever" I roll my eyes. "Listen I really wanna talk to you more but I have to go now, we'll talk later. " I say spotting Emma at our usual table.

"Wait, do you maybe wanna meet tonight? Watch a movie or something?"

"I can't Channie, I have dance practice tonight. Maybe  tomorrow?" I offer. Me and Chan used to spend almost every day together but that has changed in the last few months and I have none to blame but myself.

"Um, yeah sure." He mumbles, disappointed at my answer.

"I have to go now, bye ." I hang up and make my way toward Emma.

I pop to the seat across from her. " Tell me everything"

Apparently, Emma ended up hooking up with Seungmin. The moment the words left her mouth, I borderline screamed. She said that they were talking all night long about themselves, life, and other deep shit, and then after a few hours of just talking he finally made a move. It didn't take them long to take it upstairs and they ended up having sex in Chan's room.

"Oh my god, I can't imagine the look on Chan's face when he opened the door" I cover my mouth with my hand, laughing.

"I felt so embarrassed" Emma shakes her head, blushing at the memory.

"Hold up, where did Chan sleep?"

"With Felix" She shrugs.

"Why didn't you guys go back to his place?" I ask taking a sip of my coffee.

"He lives with Changbin, Jisung, Minho, and a guy called Jeongin, which I already know cause we have some classes together."

"There are 5 guys in one apartment?" I scrunch my nose in disgust.

"It's a 2-floor apartment. Apparently, Seungmin's parents are loaded" She lifts her brows for emphasis. "The guys pay half of the actual rent."

"Damn, you should definitely date him" I giggle.

"Stop" She reached to slap my shoulder over the table, which I easily avoid.

"We've been texting nonstop today." She says, blushing.

"Oh." I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

"And he invited me to a party that they're throwing next weekend" She can't stop smiling and that warms my heart. I haven't seen Emma that excited about a guy in so long.

"I mean, you're definitely going"

"You mean, WE are definitely going" She corrects me.

"I'm not in the mood to be a third wheel, thank you very much" I smile at her.

"No, I'm not talking only about you and me" She shakes her head." All of us are invited"

"All of us you mean-"

"Me, you, Hyunjin, and Felix. We all got along so well. Me and Seungmin are not the only ones that started talking." She smiles.

That's just great. If everyone starts hanging out with each other, avoiding Minho will be impossible. I can't believe that the guy that I've been looking for for the past year is now someone I desperately wanna avoid but I can't risk Minho telling Chan anything. I could try and talk to him I guess but I really don't think that he'll care. I'm hoping that he'll just let it go and stay out of it.

"I'm not really in the mood for another party." I try to turn her down politely.

"Y/n, you're coming." She says in a serious voice "You've been locked away in your room for weeks. You won't talk to anyone, you won't go out. What's happening? I'm concerned" Her eyes are filled with worry.

"I'm just not really well mentally. I'm exhausted and I'm stressed with college." I try to brush it off.

"Y/n, mental health is really important and yours has been up and down since I met you. But this 'down' has lasted too long and it's really making me worry" Her hand softly touches mine.

"I know I just- I will get through it, you don't need to worry" I offer her yet another fake smile for reassurance, like the one I've been offering myself as well.

.

.

.

.

Dance is my life. I've been dancing since I was 6 and somehow growing up I knew that, that's what I was meant to do with my life. While I was in high school I was the best dancer in my studio, but when I got into college I came to realize that I'm only as good as a hundred other dancers here. Hyunjin and Felix are 2 of the best dancers in our year and being friends with them has really helped me. We always practice together and they're always there to help me out. I was supposed to practice with Emma all night long some hard combinations for our class on Friday but around 10 Emma left, claiming she was tired. I decided to stay a bit longer. Late-night practices have lately become a part of my everyday routine. It's a way for me to clear my mind and just let go. For those hours that I'm dancing, the voices in my head disappear. I'm alone in the dance room, just me and the music. None to compare myself to and no teacher to correct my every move. It's the only time of the day that I feel peaceful. Today, however, I'm everything but that. I can't seem to get everything that happened out of my mind and I also can't seem to get any of the steps right. Extremely frustrated at this point, I take a step back and start from the top but it's not long until I step a bit too quickly into one of my turns causing me to lose my balance and stumble backward.

"You're not counting" A voice suddenly says from behind me. I look up into the mirror to see Minho resting against the door with his hands crossed. "You're not counting slow enough. You hurry into the turn, that's why you're losing your balance." He continues when I don't say anything.

"What are you doing here?" I reach for my phone to turn the music off and then turn to face him.

He stares at me, almost as if I caught him off guard. "I was on my way home"

"The studio is on the other side of the campus Minho" I mirror his position, crossing my hands. "Are you stalking me or something?"

A laugh escapes him at my accusation, taking a few steps into the room. "Don't flatter yourself darling" He shakes his head, still smiling. I narrow my eyes at the nickname. I take a moment to look at him, finally under normal light. He's taller than I remember and his shoulders are wide. I can only see the outline of his body through his white shirt and grey sweatpants but I can tell that he's definitely someone who works out. I drag my eyes higher, over his chest that rises and falls at a quicker pace than normal like he's out of breath. I look at his face. Full lips, big brown eyes, and dark messy hair that's sticking into his sweaty forehead. His cheeks look like they're on fire and his jaw is tensed. A big, black bag hanging from his shoulder. I take one last look at his appearance before speaking.

"What are you doing at the dance building?" I ask again. "Were you dancing?" He's definitely dressed like a dancer.

He doesn't respond immediately. Instead, he wets his lips with his tongue and tilts his head a bit, his eyes still on me. There's something about his gaze that makes me feel intimidated. We've only seen each other 3 times and in each one of them, I've struggled to hold eye contact. His eyes are calm and completely unreadable but somehow piercing and intense. His eyes are beautiful.

"Are you not going to answer me?" I press after a few seconds of silence.

He smirks."You seem annoyed. Bad day?"

And just like that everything beautiful about him disappears and my frustration grows. His irony is something that I don't really wanna deal with right now, I would rather be alone. "Yes, today has actually been a really shitty day and your presence isn't making it better" My voice is flat.

"Really? Most people find my company quite enjoyable"

"Right, 'cause you seem like such a joy to be around." I sarcastically say.

His eyes light up slightly, at my clear annoyance. " I could say the same thing."

"You don't know me" I spit through my teeth.

"And you know me?" He snaps back without hesitation.

I take a few seconds to breathe. My chest feels heavy and the all-too-familiar knot in my stomach is tighter than ever. I've been feeling like I'm walking around the edges of a cliff for so long now, desperately trying to keep myself from falling. I need to be alone right now. "Minho, please leave, I want to be alone" I run my hands along my face and through my hair.

"It's okay you can dance in front of me, don't be shy, it looks like you could use the extra help anyway." His lips twitch with suppressed amusement.

"The last thing I wanna do is to dance in front of you and give you another reason to make fun of me. And I don't need any extra help, especially from someone that doesn't know shit about dancing." My voice comes out harsher and louder than I intended.

Minho's small smile drops and I notice the slight shift in his eyes. "I wouldn't make fun of you, As a dancer myself, I've known to respect someone else's effort and passion. " He says in a steady voice.

I pause a bit. What? "But you're studying-"

"I've been dancing since I was 4. It has been my passion for as long as I remember" He cuts me off.   "But things change. People change" His eyes soften for only a second as he speaks the last words and then for the first time since he walked into the room his gaze leaves my face and travels the floor and then to the stereo in the corner of the room.

Silence takes over the room and the feeling of guilt grows in me.

"What made you change your mind about dancing?" I question lowly, trying to turn the conversation around and gather any information out of him because for some reason, I'm curious.

His eyes snap to mine as if he wasn't expecting me to press on the matter. "That's not any of your business" He repeats the words I said to him yesterday.

"As you wish" I sigh. "Could you please leave now? I need to practice" I lower the lights a bit and then reach for my phone to restart the music.

"You dance with the lights like that?' He's staring at me. His face is hard, jaw set.

"Mostly, yeah. It makes me feel more comfortable. There're no blinds in this room and people walk by all the time. I feel safer dancing like this"

The loud noise of his bag hitting the ground echoes through the quiet room. I flinch slightly at the sound and lift my eyes from my phone to see him walking towards me. He grabs my phone and presses play to the first song on the playlist that I happened to be scrolling through. He then drops the phone on my bag, turns around, and begins to walk backwards.

His eyes meet mine through the mirror. "Dance for me" His words send chills down my spine. My body doesn't move an inch, his tone and gaze making me freeze.

"I can't. " You confess after a few seconds.

"You're a dancer, and you can't dance?" His lips twitched with amusement once again.

"I'm stuck." My eyes drop to my feet. Minho's words hit me hard, they burn. 'You're a dancer', I smile to myself.

"Dancers get stuck all the time. Listen to the music, let go and dance." Minho's eyes seem softer under the dimmed light of the room and his body stiff as if he's desperately trying to control it, stopping it from moving to the music. I miss that.

"You don't understand" I shake my head. "Everything in my head is stuck, I can't dance" I swallow hard.

He cocks his head. "What do you mean? You're-"

"Yes, I'm a dancer. I am and I'm not. My feet move, they follow the steps, the perform the routines. I keep my legs straight, my toes pointed, arms light and gentle. I try to keep my smile bright and my back straight. I do everything. Yes, I'm a dancer. But I haven't danced in so long. It's like the music doesn't reach my heart anymore, my body moves mechanically and my head is always counting. I don't feel the moves, I can't dance unless it's an already choreographed piece, unless I have to perform, unless I have to be perfect for a class. I don't really see the point in trying anymore. It's not like I'll ever make it professionally." The words pour out of my mouth without my control and I feel like all the suppressed emotions and fears that I've been bottling up and keeping to myself about my future in dance are coming out. My eyes start to burn as I desperately try to control my tears. Every time I meet this man, I somehow end up like that.

"I see people like Hyunjin and Felix, and they're made for this. You can see the passion in their eyes as they dance, even if it's a small piece in class. They put everything they have into it. They dance with their heart. I miss that, so much and I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix it." I'm out of breath by the time I finish talking. And the realization that I just voiced all of this in front of Minho hits me hard. I look up at him, his eyes were clouded and his lips almost frowned. I turn away immediately. The last thing I want is people pitting me, especially him. I quickly grab my stuff and walk past him. He calls my name a few times, but I'm out of the door before he has any time to say anything else.

It's 1.30 am when I open the door of my apartment. All the lights are closed except the light in the hallway that we always leave on. A sigh of relief leaves my lips, knowing Emma is asleep. I left the studio, around 11 pm but I was so emotionally charged that I decided to take a walk instead of going straight home. Listening to music and walking around aimlessly always helps me relax. I think about a million things and nothing at the same time. I think about dance. I think about Jackson. I think about all the people that I call my friends and love more than myself but fill them with lies. So many lies about everything. The person that they call their friend; is that even me? Does anyone actually know me? At that, I probably laughed at loud. I don't even know myself, but that doesn't comfort me. I still feel like the fakest person alive. I think about Minho. I think about how rude he was the first time we met. I think about how he helped me and then how he reacted when he found out I was one of the hundreds of women that have been abused and lied to by a person they loved. Or think they loved. He called me stupid, and maybe he was right. In his eyes right now I probably seem stupid and weak, and after tonight I seem useless as well. I'm fine with it. I'm fine with Minho thinking so low of me, cause frankly, he's not anyone important to me. But the thought of everyone else thinking that way about me makes my stomach turn. Maybe that's the reason I feel so comfortable sharing so much, cause he's a stranger. With him, I don't feel the need to pretend to be someone else or cover up anything. Maybe it's the fact that he already knows or maybe I see it as a clean start considering that he doesn't really know me, either way for some reason I tend to overshare whenever I see him. As soon as I step into the shower, every muscle in my body relaxes instantly, and I stay under the hot water until it turns cold. I slipped into a huge T-shirt that I'd stolen from Chan and climb under the covers. Sleep doesn't come easily to me that night.

.

.

.

.

"What's up with you?" Hyunjin sits down next to me as I take off my shoes. I woke up 30 minutes before class and basically ran to the studio. My head was all over the place throughout the whole class and Mrs. Martin corrected me about 5 times. I don't really take corrections and criticism lightly. It's hard being a perfectionist when you're the furthest thing from perfect.

"What do you mean?" I say avoiding his eyes.

"Come on y/n." he laughs "You were off throughout the whole class, where's your head at?"

I throw my shoes in my bag, frustrated. Frustrated with myself, with my dancing skills, and with fucking Minho who's the reason I stayed up last night and didn't wake up in time. "I just didn't sleep last night, and I have a terrible headache" I mumble.

Hyunjin runs a hand through his freshly dyed blond hair and sighs. "You know you can always come to me for help, yeah?" He softly says and I know he means it in more ways than one. I've gotten really close with Hyunjin, even though I know him for only 2 years. Both he and Felix have been amazing friends to both me and Emma and I'm honestly so grateful to have people like them by my side.

"And me" Felix sits down beside me, bumping his shoulder into mine. His bright smile is enough to make my day a little better already.

"Maybe we can meet and practice together one of those days. We haven't done that in a while" Hyunjin offers. He lifts himself off of the ground and adjusts his bag on his shoulder. Me, Hyunjin, and Felix used to meet every week, sometimes twice to rehearse together. I guess you can call me lucky that 2 of my best friends are 2 of the best dancers in our class. I always feel safe dancing with them, it gave me room to get better, without feeling judged.

Felix's eyes spark with excitement. "Oh my god, we haven't done that in so long, I've missed it. I've missed us hanging out together." Sadness takes over his voice as we make our way out of the dance room. My heart tightens at the way he spoke. Felix must be one of my favorite humans ever. I haven't met a purest soul than Felix's. He's incredibly kind and thoughtful, always thinking of others first and always with a smile on his face, trying to help as much as he can whenever he can, no matter what. Chan and Felix have been friends since High School. They're incredibly close and Chan's very protective of him. Well, chan's very protective in general.

"Yes, sure we can do that" I end up saying with a smile on my face. "Just not tonight 'cause I promised chan to hang out."

"It's fine, I have plans tonight anyways." Hyunjin shrugs.

"Oh, what are you doing?" I question casually as we exit our building.

"I'll meet up with Jisoo and then I'll go for lunch with Em and Seungmin." Hyunjin says while scrolling through his phone.

"What?" I say dumbfounded. They're already hanging out altogether?

"Yeah." Hyunjin doesn't seem to notice my reaction, instead, his long fingers type something on his phone incredibly fast before speaking again.

"Anyway, I have to go 'cause I really need to shower and I only have half an hour." He swiftly kisses my forehead. "Bye." he yells as he's basically running to his car.

"He's so fucking smitten with her" Felix laughs.

"Yeah, I can see that" I nod smiling.

"Anyway," Felix focuses his gaze back on me. "If you want we can do something together." He says

I shake my head "No it's fine. I haven't hung out with Chan in a while, plus I really feel like going to the studio. It really calms me down"

Felix's eyes soften "Yeah, I know."

"But don't worry, I'll make some time for you in my super busy schedule sometime this week" I joke and my hand comes up to riffle his hair.

His face breaks into a smile. "I hope so."

.

.

.

.

.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I make my way to the other side of the campus where the studio is. Chan will probably be working late tonight but I don't really have a problem keeping him company since I don't have any classes tomorrow. Plus I love spending time at the studio. I walk through the familiar hallways and stop when I reach the studio door. I lift my hand to knock but before I have the chance, the door opens wide.

"Holy shit!" Jisung flinches backwards and I try my best not to laugh in his face. "You scared the shit out of me" He places a hand over his chest.

"I'm sorry Jisung." I giggle, touching his shoulder apologetically, and walk past him, inside the studio. Chan is sitting on the couch, laptop on his legs, and headphones on.

I walk behind the couch and take them off. "Hi."

His head snaps upwards, and his features relax instantly when he sees it's me. "Hey, there best friend." He smiles at me and pulls me by my hand to sit beside him on the couch.

"What are you doing?" I move closer to him, looking at his laptop screen.

"Just working on some sounds, writing some lyrics. You know, the usual." He sighs, focusing back on what he was working on.

"Did you guys record the song you were talking about?"

"Not entirely. We've recorded Seungmin's and Jisung's parts. We've been a bit stuck on the lyrics actually." He grabs his notebook from the coffee table beside him and passes it to me. " I was hoping you could help a bit. This is what we've got so far."

I take the notebook in my hands and silently read the lyrics. Chan has a way with words like none else I've ever seen. Every time I read something he has written or he plays me songs he's working on, I'm reminded of just how talented he is.

"Chan, that's really good." I honestly say.

A hint of color appears on his cheeks. "Yeah?" He tries to hide his smile.

"Like you don't know that everything you write is fucking amazing" I push at his shoulder.

His smile grows. "That's not true"

He starts playing me all the recorded parts and I have to say, all of the guys are really good, their voices blend so well together. We spent the next 2 hours working on some of the lyrics, playing around with the music, and recording some of Jisung's and Chan's parts. Currently, Chan has gone to the bathroom and I'm on the couch with Jisung. We were supposed to continue working on the lyrics but we started talking and now I'm laughing harder than I've laughed in weeks at stories he's telling me about living with the guys.

"Oh my god, stop, my stomach hurts from laughing" I manage to say through my laughter.

"I swear, he ran around the block in his underwear, it was priceless." He shakes his head at the memory.

"You guys seem so fun."

"You should definitely come on Saturday, so you can see just how fun we are when we're drunk." He smiles. What I've noticed in the short time I've known Jisung, is that he's such a bright person. He's really easy to talk to and tries his best to make you feel comfortable. Bright eyes, and a bright smile, I enjoy being around him. He has a lot of similar qualities to Felix, they would get along well.

"I don't know," I rest my head on the back of the couch trying to catch my breath. My jaw honestly hurts from laughing. "I'm usually a really outgoing person but my social anxiety has been pretty bad lately."

"I get it," He shrugs smiling "I'm also really struggling with anxiety. Have been for years now."

"Really?" He seems so open and sociable that I would've never imagined that he's struggling with something like that.

He shakes his head, laughing. "I'm really shy and I get anxiety over every little thing." He honestly says. "I'm thankful to have people around me that you know, push me out of my comfort zone and help me get over it." My mind trails back to the conversation I had with chan the other day when he told me that Jisung and Minho are really close, and suddenly I'm curious about their relationship but I suppress it. I don't wanna seem noisy.

"Okay, I'll come," I say after a few seconds. "But I'm just letting you know that I'm going to be glued to your side the whole night." I point my finger at him.

A huge smile takes over his face making his eyes disappear. "No problem kid" He ruffles my hair.

"What are you doing here?" Minho's voice interrupts our moment. He's standing by the door, phone in his hand, dressed in black jeans and a simple white shirt that's a bit big on him. His face filled with confusion. I froze a bit not really expecting to see him here and after what happened the last time I saw him I can't stop the embarrassment that rushes through me. I didn't really think about the possibility of him showing up here, but of course, I'm at the studio where he and his friends are working on their music. Stupid.

"She's helping us with the song," Jisung speaks up and I'm grateful for it. "Chan called her."

Minho focuses back on his phone and walks to sit on the chair, facing us. He doesn't seem to share the same uncomfortable feeling I feel towards him but then again he didn't really do anything. I was the one that whined about my problems out of the blue, to a person that I hardly know and hardly cares. But still, the way his face holds the most unbothered expression that I've ever seen bothers me for some reason.

'Why does she knows about music?" He snorts.

"Do you always have to be so rude?" I glare at him.

"It's part of my charm" He smiles, only for a second, and then his face drops again.

I narrow my eyes at him "Oh please-"

"Okay, let's get back into it" Chan enters the room, interrupting me. His eyes fall on Minho, whose eyes are still on me. His face is a mixture of amusement and annoyance if that's even possible and I stare back at him, not breaking eye contact.

"Minho, " Chan pauses. "I thought you weren't coming today. "He sits back on the couch beside me.

"I didn't have anything better to do," Minho shrugs. "and Jisung told me you working on the song." He puts his phone in his pocket and leans forward.

Chan throws the notebook on the table. "This is what we have so far."

Minho grabs it and his eyes scan the page. "Okay," He simply says. "So we're basically done"

"Kinda," Chan scratches the back of his neck. "Thanks to y/n."

"You should come by more often, we could use the help" Jisung pats the back of my head. I feel like a little kid getting praised by his parents for doing the bare minimum.

"Whatever," Minho throws the notebook back on the table. "We were doing just fine. You, Chan, and Changbin are really good with lyrics." He crosses his hands.

"She's good," Chan glances at Minho. "And we could always use some extra help." He says in a steady voice. He seems to notice the clear dislike Minho has for me, not that Minho's trying to hide it in any way. It bothers me, I have to admit. I think that I've been nothing but nice to him since the night I met him a year ago, he on the other hand has been a jerk.

My phone interrupts whatever Minho was going to say. I stare at Hynjin's name with confusion. Why is he calling me? He's supposed to be on a date.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hi, am I interrupting?" His tone is rushed.

Minho is looking back at his phone and Chan turns to talk to Jisung. "Um, no what's up?"

"You won't believe who I just saw"

"Who?"

"I was leaving Jisoo's dorm and I run into that piece of shit you were dating"  My grip on my phone tightens and my eyes widen.

"Jackson? What?" I say shocked. Chan's and Minho's eyes are on me. "Hold on" I mutter to Hyunjin.

"Excuse me" I get up and walk towards the door, ignoring Chan as he calls my name. I walk down the hall and once I'm far enough, I speak again.

"What happened?" I ask, trying not to sound as nervous as I am.

"Well," Hyunjin sighs "We bumped into each other in the halls." He pauses.

"And?" I say, impatiently.

"He asked me how are you doing," I release a breath at that, but Hyunjin continues. "And he also asked me if you're seeing anyone." His tone slightly changes, dropping lower.

"And what did you say?" I nervously play with the end of my shirt.

"I told him that as far as I know, you're not but either way it's none of his business" I giggle at his response. I can almost picture Hyunjin's face, saying that.

"And then he asked me who was the guy that interrupted you when you were talking and picked a fight with him." He clears his throat.

I swallow hard.

"I told him that who you're seeing is not his problem anymore and I left. But as I was walking back I kept trying to remember if you were with anyone that night, 'cause If you had hooked up with anyone, you would've told me." He pauses." First of all, what the fuck? Why were you talking to him? If you're even thinking about forgiving him, I'm done with you." He suddenly raises his voice. Even when me and Jackson were together, Hyunjin never really liked him. After we broke up, I told everyone that he cheated on me instead of the actual story.

"No, it's not-"

"And second, what the hell was he talking about? What guy?" He cuts me off. He sounds annoyed, to say the least.

"Okay, it's not what you think." I try to calm him down. "I was just getting a drink and he somehow appeared in the kitchen. He kept trying to talk to me and I kept telling him that I don't wanna hear shit but he wasn't giving up. At some point, he was almost yelling at me, and then Minho, one of Chan's friends walked in." I clarify.

"Oh, so that's the guy he was talking about?" Hyunjin says, sounding almost relieved.

"Yes. Anyway, basically Minho told him to leave me alone and Jackson was not having it. Long story short, Minho pushed him and we left the kitchen." I explain.

"Bro, that's crazy" Hynjin chuckles." I would really wanna see that."

"You were fucking Jisoo at the moment."

He just laughs at my comment. "So you and Minho?" He teases.

"No, nothing's up with me and Minho." I immediately say, rolling my eyes even though he can't see me.

"What about me?" Minho suddenly appears from down the hall and I almost drop my phone. His hands are in his sweats, a bored-looking expression all over his face as he walks toward me. I glance at him not knowing what to say and hold up a hand in front of his face, silently telling him to wait.

"Yeah sure." Hyunjin says, his voice dripping with irony.

"Really Hyunjin, nothing's up. I have to go now, have fun with Emma and Seungmin." I rashly say.

"Okay wow, rude. Fine but we'll talk about this another time." He says.

"Yeah yeah okay, bye now." I giggle and hang up. I turn to look at Minho, whose back is against the wall, his hands crossed in front of him and his face blank, simply staring at me. He's one of the people that I can never tell what they're thinking cause his face holds the same expression almost all the time. His eyes move around my face. From one eye to the other, down my lips, and back to my eyes again. He stares way too much.

"What do you want?." I speak up, feeling uncomfortable under his intense gaze.

He smiles to himself, noticing. "Were you talking about me?"

"Don't flatter yourself, darling." I smile back at him innocently, using his line. His eyes drop to the ground, and the smile on his lips grows. "I was just explaining to Hyunjin what happened."

"So you were talking to Hyunjin about what happened with your abusive ex?" He grins at me.

My eyes widen at the tone of his voice and I look around to see if anyone heard him. "Keep your voice down. " I say through my teeth, stepping closer to him.

His hands come up to his mouth. "Shit sorry, I forgot none needs to know." The amusement mixed with irony that's written all over his face makes me want to punch him right in that perfectly straight nose of his.

Instead, I narrow my eyes at him. "I told you to forget what you saw.'"

Both of his eyebrows lift up for a second. "Well yeah, but you see, your situation is really interesting to me." He uncrosses one of his hands and brings one to his chin.

"I don't care what you're interested in Minho."

"You're so defensive." He shakes his head, that stupid smile never leaving his face.

"And you are so annoying." I snap back.

"You know most women that are in situations similar to yours try to defend their partner, it's a common symptom". He shrugs.

My hands turn into fists as I try to remain calm. "I'm going to hit you." I lower my voice, glaring at him.

"No really, tell me something" He pushes himself off the wall " Why haven't you said anything to anyone?" His face changes a bit, and the smile that was on his lips slowly starts fading. "Does he have anything on you or something?"

"Minho," I sigh "I just don't want to, drop it, you're pissing me off."

He looks to the left and takes a deep breath. I can see his jaw tightening as he shakes his head and then turns to look back at me. His eyes, suddenly harder than before.

"Stop being so weak, just tell me." He spits.

His words trigger me so much that I forget about Chan and Jisung, only a door down the hall and I raise my voice. "Excuse me?"

He releases a breath through his nose and shakes his head once again, probably regretting what he just said. " Forget it" He mutters and pushes my shoulder as he walks away.

I don't move, trying to control my anger and keep myself from dragging his ass back here and asking him what's his fucking problem. I don't care if he's bored or simply just wants to fuck with someone but my personal life is none of his goddamn business. He knows nothing about me or the situation and the fact that he judges me so easily makes me wanna smack him and cry at the same time. I shouldn't care, I shouldn't, he's none to me. What makes my eyes water though is the fact that his reaction is the same that everyone would probably have if they knew.

Weak. Stupid. Pitiful.

I remained in the hallway for a few minutes to cool down a bit before returning to the studio, Thankfully Minho was not there when I got back. I couldn't stay any longer. I quickly made an excuse, that I have to study and Chan offered to drive me home, leaving Jisung to work on editing some of the pieces that they recorded.

"Thanks for the help," Chan says as he pulls up to my apartment. "Jisung loved you" His smile is soft.

"I liked him too, he reminds me of Felix" I giggle.

"Um, yeah in a way I guess" I scratch the back of his neck.

'You're really close with them huh?"

"Yeah," He nods "They get me you know? Don't get me wrong I love our friend group, but having people that have the same dreams as me is really encouraging. We connected through our love for music."

"I can tell," I shrug, knowingly. "Even by the little I've seen you guys together, I can tell how close you have gotten."

"We're all close, obviously some more than others but we're definitely a team."

"Who are you referring to?" I ask.

"Um, you know how we're all close but Felix and I are a bit close? Or me and you? Or Hynjin and Emma?"

"Yeah." I laugh.

"Well, Jisung and Minho are like me and Felix" He smiles.

"None is like you and Felix." I smile back. Chan and Felix have a connection like no other, it's truly amazing.

"True." He grins. "But they are kinda like that too. Minho has been through some stuff and Jisung was there for him."

I hate the interest that sparks inside me at his words, but I can't help as the thought of the first time I saw him brushes through my mind. I never learned his story and why he said everything he said that night.

"What happened?" I decide to ask. He stayed a mystery for a year, maybe I can finally get an answer, but Chan shakes his head.

"That's not my story to tell. You should ask him yourself if you're interested. But I'm warning you, it's hard to get him to open up about anything."

"Open up?" I scoff. "I can't even say a word to him without him picking a fight."

"He can come off a bit cold at first." Chan struggles to find the right words.

"Rude is the right word, Chan." I correct him.

Chan sighs. "Do you want me to talk to him or something?"

"Oh no," I panic a bit. "It's fine"

"Okay." He pats my head.

"I have to go, thanks for driving me. " I grab my things and get out of his car.

"Goodnight princess" He waves at me, driving off.

[shinagawa-division]

ARB Birthday Special: Ritsuko Okada

~~ January 3rd ~~

“Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.”

Login Lines:

“Hm? What is it? You better have a good reason to have interrupted my work, choose your response carefully or you’ll be the one strapped onto this table.”

“A gift? Is that what you are bothering me for? Good grief, fine, give it here. Now leave me be, you have 5 seconds to start running.”

Voice Lines:

“As always, the clones were very eager to celebrate my birthday though I have a feeling that it’s less because it’s my birthday and more that I tend to be more lenient with them on this day than any other, maybe I’m spoiling them but for some reason I find that part of me doesn’t mind that.”

“How…surprising, when I entered my lab today recently there was a present on my desk, I was immediately skeptical because I should have gotten an alarm on whoever was foolish enough to trespass into my territory…until I realized that there was only one person who had special permission and sure enough when I checked to see who the sender was, I was quite surprised to see that it had been Ramuda who was the one to send me a present. I must say, he truly is the only person in this world able to catch me off guard.”

“I had an rather annoying dream last night…no, memory is more like it. It was of the last birthday I had spent with my father, if you’re waiting for me to say that something horrible happened then you’d be quite mistaken, it was actually quite pleasant by society’s standards but honestly, how irritating, I would rather not dream at all than having to remember a time long, long, passed.”

“Honestly Miho? Again? I mean, you’re so keen on celebrating my birthday again? While I’m somewhat flattered that you’ve taken the time of out your very busy schedule to come see me, I can assure you that I’m fine being on my own this year…Good grief, there truly is no point in arguing with you sometimes, fine, fine, I resign myself to my fate, what is the agenda for today?”

“….How….quaint. Fufu, My apologies, but sometimes I just can’t help it, plus, it is rather amusing to see you jump up and to answer your question, yes, I do. I get around 2-3 hours of sleep every other week…what? You asked, I answered, although, I am working on a way for humans to go completely without sleep. I can imagine how tedious it must be but still I commend you for even trying, thank you, Miho.”

“Hello Sumire, nice to know that even with the new year, your crude language has not once changed. I expected nothing less and honestly I don’t blame you, this is a rather busy time of the year. Yes, you’re quite right, it means very little to me which is why I’m curious as to why you’re here now, I assume you, like your aunt, have a gift for me, no?”

“Goodness Sumire, you never fail to meet my expectations. It has been a while since your last appointment, hasn’t it? I see, well, even though I would have preferred to have you here physically for our sessions, I’m still grateful all the same of you being so considerate of me. Yes, these shall be enough, I’ll admit I’m quite excited to get to work.”

Miho Lines:

“Happy Birthday, Ritsuko. What do you mean ‘again?!’ Of course I want to celebrate your birthday, be glad that there’s someone in this world that will! Well, since you know that I’ve taken time out of my very busy schedule, you should also know that I am not taking no for an answer, now, we have a bright day ahead of us, starting with my gift to you.”

“It’s a neck pillow because god knows you need one, I cannot count the amount of times I’ve been spooked by you cracking your neck. Honestly Ritsuko, do you even sleep?…Good god, woman! How are you even alive?! Ugh, nevermind, I rather not have nightmares tonight. I’ll admit, picking out a gift for you is quite the difficult task but I do hope you enjoy it all the same.”

Sumire Lines:

“Happy Fuckin’ Birthday, Ritsuko! I’ll admit, I may or may not have almost forgotten until Aiko reminded me, man, it must be rough having your birthday pretty much after New Year’s but knowing you, you just don’t care. Well, I’m glad you asked-and you already figured it out, god, there’s no point in even trying to surprise you, eh, oh well, here you go.”

“Before you ask, no, I did not murder someone, love how that’s always everyone’s go to. These are my blood samples, straight from the vein, I know that you’ve been wanting me to come in for our‘appointments’ but to be honest, I’ve been so busy already thatI genuinely don’t know when I’ll be free so I made sure to hook you up in advance, try to make them last, will ya?”

[sapphirescripts]

I just saw Elvis for the fourth time in the theater and it hit me just as hard— if not harder. I can’t even explain the type of emotions that movie evokes in me. Pain, empathy, heartbreak, confidence, excitement, awe, and so much more. I don’t care if people find me absolutely nuts for loving a movie this much, or if they feel it’s somehow okay to invalidate my experience just because they don’t understand it.

To everyone else that feels the same way, you’re not alone. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving this movie or the positive influence it’s had on my life. I feel more alive, more vivid, more inspired to be myself and go after things that make me happy. I’ve started to dress in a way that makes me walk like Austin/Elvis did in that leather jumpsuit, with the assurance that who I am is validated and God-given. It’s a battle, to know and feel this but now I’m willing to fight for it. To let go of the passivity that comes with sadness and insecurity. I am so grateful for Elvis 2022. Words can’t even explain.

Not to mention the community here on tumblr, I’ve felt so validated because I know you all feel the same way. So thank you so much.

[herefortarlos]

Hello Desi, I’m hitting your inbox with three questions for Nice Ask Week!🌞

1. Which new term(s) of endearment do you hope we get in season s5 and in which situation(s) should they occur?

2. For the steamy scene that we know we’re getting, which kind of steamy scene would it be if you could choose and what does it relate to in the episode? Like are we talking angsty ‘I almost lost you or you’re feeling sad’ steamy, boring (in a good 🥰 way) married s*x, the end of a dry spell for some reason, them trying something new, maybe related to a silly call or something, them being riled up, etc etc you choose!

3. Idk if you received the perfume yet, But! Do you think that this is the same scent that TK has worn from the start of their relationship or did he change it? Either or, when and how did Carlos notice it and what was his reaction to it? (Internally or externally)

I hope you’re enjoying your weekend very much!! - Mar ☺️🪷🐟

Hello, Mar 💖!! First of all, thank you for the ask and pleaseeeee forgive me for only getting to this now 😅 I can be the worst when it comes to asks because I need to make sure I am in the right head space to give them my full attention and answer them well! I do love receiving things like this though! I just put too much pressure on myself to give thoughtful answers!

Now then, let's talk about Tarlos terms of endearment!! I am sooo freaking excited and looking forward to hearing more sweet words between those husbands! The one I am most hopeful to hear is "sweetheart"!! I definitely imagine Carlos calling TK that more but would lose my mind if it came out of either of their mouths! I REALLY want to hear it in bed, either with them just waking up or in the middle of sexy times 🫠 But I think it's definitely reserved for when it's just the two of them alone at home! And we still better hear plenty of "baby"s, from TK and maybe Carlos too if we're really lucky!

Mwhahaha, for the steamy scene, I am 100% taking it literally and hoping we get a tarlos shower scene!! Since Ronen said TK gets hurt in 5x04 and then the steamy scene is in 5x05, I really want it to be "I'm so glad you're okay and that could have been so much worse than it was, grateful you're alive" sex! We get a callback to Carlos having to help TK bathe/shower, and at first it starts out slow, with Carlos deliberately and carefully stripping TK out of his clothes. Then he sees his husband's naked body and slight injury, whatever it may be, and he looks so sad, and TK notices this and grabs his face and reassures him that he is fine and here and alive, and they kiss and it goes from 0 to 100% passionate real quick! With TK showing Carlos he is more than okay and Carlos reminding TK that he is his and they are each other's and they are not allowed to go where the other can't follow! Carlos presses TK against the sink counter and both of them try to get Carlos out of his clothes too without having to leave each other's mouth for too long. Then the make their way over and stumble into the shower together, close the door and show the other just how much they love them 🥰. This kind of got away from me but I love where my mind went and we shall see what Lone Star actually has in mind for this steamy scene SOON!!

I DID receive my perfume and I was very happy with the purchase!! The scent is a little much for my partner, who has allergies and doesn't do well with most scents anyways, but I've been wearing a little on my wrist and neck whenever we go out of the house and I love the smell of it 🥰 I especially notice the jasmine and vanilla, with hints of the orange!

Now for TK, I think he found and started wearing this particular perfume a bit after he and Carlos officially started dating! We see in 1x10 that Carlos has loved putting his face in TK's neck very early on, and I bet he's always loved the way TK smells! He smells like a man with his natural musk mixed with whatever cologne/perfume he is wearing. But I can see TK wanting to make a change after accepting Austin and this new start with Carlos, and him finding a new, fresh cologne to signify that! I think he would have asked Carlos' opinion of the scent before actually using it and Carlos thought it was nice, but then TK actually put it on and the perfume mixed with his sweat and natural musk throughout the day absolutely drove Carlos wild! I bet Carlos could not keep his hands off of TK and constantly had his face in his boyfriend's neck the first day he wore that perfume, and TK finally caught on after a while and was all smug and like "Oh, do you like the way I smell, babe 😏?" And Carlos is like, "you have no idea." And then took him into the bedroom soon after and had his way with him. And I think an even bigger turn on for Carlos was when his own scent started to cling on and blend with TK's 🫠 It was physical proof and that primal feeling of, "This MAN is mine and I have claimed him with my scent and we smell like each other." Ahhh, you're making me lose my mind thinking about all of this 😂

THANK YOU for this nice ask, Mar and at least it's the weekend when I'm now answering this 🤣 I hope you have a fantastic weekend too❤️

[toastybugguy]

This is a small, joyful moment I had during the D.C. pride parade last weekend that I just have to share.

We (me, my mom, my dad) are standing in the staging area to be in the parade. We end up standing there for quite some time waiting for the parade to begin, and in the same company group as us is an energetic late-teens-to-mid-twenties looking girl wearing the progress pride flag, who is accompanied by who I assume is either her mother or grandmother, an older transgender lesbian woman. She’s wearing a lesbian flag blouse, a stained glass patterned skirt in the trans flag colors, a large round sun hat, and sunglasses. She looked so fabulous, and I couldn’t help but notice her. There weren’t many people there in specifically trans apparel. I want to say something, but there is absolutely no casual way for me to express the emotions I feel when I see her— old, trans, happy, alive.

I, wearing my trans flag around my shoulders, was predictably too shy to say anything while we were in the staging area, despite the fact that we were near each other several times while waiting for the parade to begin. I could vaguely feel the same energy emanating from her when we were around each other, but neither of us said anything.

Then, the parade began. We had gotten moving and were walking for somewhere in the ballpark of just 5-10 minutes when the woman came up to me. She asked me if I wanted to help hold a banner (one of the three the company we were walking with had), and I turned to see the girl with the progress flag holding one of the rings on the end. She smiled widely at me and looked grateful to rest her arm when I said “Sure!” And quickly bounded off to rejoin the other lady. My mom was a few steps behind me, looking very pleased.

Only a few minutes later I felt a hand on my back, and because my mom does that all the time I assumed it was her, but come to see it’s the older woman again. She has the most beautiful, happy smile on her face, and says to me in such a gentle and genuine tone, “You look great.” I have a cape around my shoulders and I’m wearing trans-tape on my chest in public for the first time ever. Her hand remains on my back. I laugh, not because it’s funny or because I don’t believe her, but because I’m so happy I have no other way to express it. I thank her and tell her how much I love her outfit. She rejoins the young girl.

I hold that banner for almost the entire parade after that. By the end, I’m a professional at holding it with my one hand and waving a small flag with the other. My arms are tired, and I don’t care one bit. Occasionally, I watch the crowd cheer for the older woman as she passes. My mom and I pick out as many people behind the barricade holding trans flags or wearing trans apparel as we can— so many of them are young, younger than me— some with a parent— at that age when being trans exists with a couple people in your bubble, and they look excited but shy in the way I often used to. They are excited to be at pride, but are waiting to feel like they, too, belong there, the way a lot of trans kids are. I wave to every single one of them. I make a point of showing off my flag. Their faces light up every time. Each of them have the most glowing smiles.

There’s a way to connect it all. I picked this woman out of the crowd because, simply by being there, she was a reminder to me of trans people growing old, of living long and happy trans lives, of having loving families, of having a future. She picked me, a scrawny trans guy wearing my (our) flag like a faux superhero, out of the crowd because I am a reminder of trans people continuing to exist, of having a place. We pick each other out because we are members of the trans family. We are both a momentary expression of trans people fearlessly living. When that woman and I spoke, the day was ours.

There’s something so innate about being trans and seeing other trans people, especially those younger than you, and wanting them to thrive. I wave to every person donning the trans flag because a woman I didn’t know made me feel seen. I wave to them because there is no limit to how much trans people can touch each other’s lives. I wave to them because I want them to take up space— because my first pride was D.C. pride, years ago, when my friend was in the march and my mom and I clambered over the barricade at their request (I nearly fell; the hands of people in the crowd grabbed and steadied me. I never saw their faces.), and I had my shoulders hunched the whole time because, even on a day of community and acceptance, I didn’t know if I had the right to be there. They should know that they do.

Maybe on some level, this is why we choose to put a flag around our shoulders during pride. The trans flag is a cape to all of us who own it— it rests upon the same place the hands of our trans family do. And when this year’s pride month ends, the day is still ours.