#I’m upset and hyperfixating and ranting

[darthenderson]

So, I went back and rewatched Boy Meets World and Girl Meets World (at the same time). Heres the thoughts:

I watched Girl Meets World before (when it came out in like middle school/high school; I’m in college now so it’s been a while) and since I’m a Boy Meets World fan I thought I would go back and rewatch it.

Boy Meets World is amazing. The storylines, the characters, everything else; I will always love that show and I often rewatch it.

Girl Meets World is 95% hot fucking garbage. Like I get it’s a Disney channel show- it’s not going to be the greatest thing ever- but good god this is a mess. The writers didn’t really get to tell the story they wanted because of Disney, at least I hope that’s what happened instead of actually thinking that this would be on the same level as Boy Meets World.

—————-

The 5% of the show I enjoyed was:

- Eric’s episodes

- Eric and Tommy’s reunion

- Eric and Jack’s reunion

- Seeing more of Cory and Topanga’s relationship

- Some of Shawn’s episodes

- Some of Farkle, Smackle, or Maya’s scenes (definitely not a lot of them though)

- Stuart Minkus’ appearances (and Jennifer too)

- Feeny and the other original characters making cameos too

———-

The rest of Girl Meets World I kinda hated.

For example:

- they did Angela dirty (like, wtf? They acted like she wasn’t close friends with Cory, Topanga, and the other characters before she left in Boy Meets World; it seemed like they made some of the characters mad at her (Riley) for no reason at all, she did nothing wrong in my opinion. And I would have loved to see more of her, like as an Aunt to Riley and Auggie or something)

- they did Jack dirty too (he would’ve definitely stayed in contact with at least Eric and Shawn, being as close as they were on Boy Meets World. And why wasn’t he at Shawn’s wedding? Also, we should’ve seen more of him after the semi formal episode, and jeric should have happened)

- no Rachel appearances (I would have loved to see her again, and she did stay in contact with Eric, as mentioned in the show, so she could’ve come back)

- the annoying ass Riley, Maya, Lucas love triangle

- the fact that they still didn’t make jeric happen (I need them to happen. They would be so cute! Just look at them:⬇️)

- Mr Turner not having more scenes (I hated that he wasn’t at Shawn’s wedding- like we knew he was in NYC, he could’ve been there- and that he wasn’t in more scenes, especially ones with Shawn)

- the whole “Maya is turning into Riley and they have to stop it” arc. (It was- like the love triangle- annoying, long, and unnecessary. And people do change in high school- and often do a full 180 to their personality; I know I did, and on the Boy Meets World universe Harley Kenner did too. I didn’t even notice the change until it was outright said on the show, and I think the characters discouraging this was just wrong. Yes, Maya did change a lot throughout the show, but that is good. It shows growth, it shows a character arc, that her life is getting brighter and she has more hope, and I still saw Maya as the same character at that point. Anyway, I think that this whole arc was just bad, but I think that Maya still was a good character- she was just poorly written sometimes)

And let’s not forget the two biggest reasons I hate this sequel:

- Joshaya (that relationship was creepy as hell now that I’ve watched the show as an adult, in middle school I didn’t really see why people disliked it, but now I get it. I mean at the end of the series Josh is a FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE (around 18) and Maya is a FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL (around 14 or 15), them doing what they do on the show is illegal. And Josh saying that he’ll “play the long game” too and wait for her? Ew. Just ew. That makes it so much worse; it implies that he’s waiting until she’s 18 or in college and that’s just disturbing and disgusting for a Disney channel show and in general. Overall: Joshaya is gross and illegal and should’ve never been a thing and other characters should not have encouraged it on the show)

- “Girl Meets Farkle” (the infamous autism focused episode. I loved the fact that it had representation for autism, but I hated the way this episode was handled and written. This was by far the worst part of the show for me. I hated the way that some of the characters (Riley, Maya, Lucas) reacted when Farkle said he might be autistic. They acted like it was some horrible thing to be autistic, (which- as a human being and recently diagnosed person with autism- I found offensive) seriously they acted like autism was going to kill him (I’m not joking, that’s how they reacted) and they even went as far as to make Farkle mask who he was in one scene when Farkle said that he identified with some signs of autism. Like, all he wanted was support from his friends when he was getting tested and figuring things out, and all he got was hate from them. And I hate that other characters (and the writers of the show) didn’t see this too and change things or put a stop to it. They also used some outdated language to describe the spectrum on the show, which didn’t help things at all. For a lot of people and viewers, this was the first time they really learned about or saw anything about the spectrum and autism and this is just a horrible way to learn about this. Additionally, I loved Smackle’s whole story and telling how she got diagnosed, but I hated how some characters (Riley and sometimes Maya) treated her throughout the show. As an example: Smackle, as shown in the series, doesn’t often like hugs or physical contact (like me sometimes) and she makes it known, but Riley still fucking tries to hug her constantly and it’s so irritating! I know that if I was having a moment like that, as I often do, and someone tried to hug me like that I would be very uncomfortable and upset, so this whole thing they do with those interactions on the show just pisses me off. Overall: this episode of the show was offensive and horrifying, mostly because of the way the show frames autism and the way that the other characters react to Farkle and his potential diagnosis and Smackle with her actual diagnosis.

—————

In conclusion to my long ass rant:

Me at Boy Meets World:

Me at Girl Meets World:

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA FOR KISSING MY ROOMMATE GOODNIGHT?

(everyone is in their 20s. names are fake)

I’d like to start off by giving background, I(M) live with my roommate Salt. We’ve been living together for a couple of years now and met through mutual friends.

I’m straight. Salt is gay in a very open, stereotypical sense(yk flamboyant, effeminate etc) and I’m not saying this to judge him/say I resent him or something he’s a dear friend of mine and I couldn’t care less abt his sexuality or how he chooses to express himself. However it’s important to mention this for the sake of AITA

The actual ‘issue’ started a year ago, where we were both drunk coming home from a party, I was struggling to get my keys out so he called me a idiot and then just.. kissed me??

That caused me to question my sexuality for a while because being a straight man you’d think I’d be repulsed or bothered by it but no I didn’t really enjoy it(not like there was smth to enjoy it was like a couple of seconds) but didn’t really mind it either in fact it didn’t made me feel any different than how I’d feel kissing a random girl I suppose?

So yeah I experimented with my sexuality for a week or so and even almost hooked up with some guy but nope. Still straight. Just didn’t mind him(probably because of how close we are)

Anyways back to the point after that Salt avoided me for a while but in the end we did have a talk which was basically him saying he was not attracted to me, how it was a spur of the moment thing and also apologizing if he made me uncomfortable.

To that I told him he did not and joked about how he could do it again.

Fast forward a month(?) later the “kissing the homies goodnight” meme came out, so one time I asked him where was my goodnight kiss was at and he actually did it, after that we just continued doing that ig I don’t think none of us thought much of it other than some night time ritual.

Here comes the actual AITA part, I recently got a girlfriend(we’ll call her Pepper). I’ts not like I’m super in love with her but she’s a nice girl and I genuinely like her so I wish to keep her happy.

The issue with Pepper is that she talks a tad bit too much, I normally wouldn’t mind it as I’m on the quiet part, but she expects me to memorize everything she has told me(not in the “do you remember my friend” type of way in the she tells me about 10 different people and gets upset when I don’t remember their exes names or what did friend7 did on lunch a month ago type of way) she also has a tendency to hyperfixate on shows and talk about the plot & characters as if they’re actual real people which makes it hard for me to understand if something she says is about a show or real. She gets really upset if I forget even the smallest things about those stories and rants about how I never listen to her. I tried talking to her about this but it only ends with her crying so I just keep shut to keep her satisfied

A week ago I was having a really bad day of migraines and nothing seemed to help but me and Pepper had made plans to hang in my place and I didn’t want to cancel. She comes over and starts talking about her sister in life’s brunch. I ask her if she could slow down a bit cause my head hurts and I can’t really keep up.

Well she takes it the wrong way and starts yelling at me about how I always am like this and how I never listen to her. I admit I’m the asshole for saying this, but I ask her if she’s unable to sit down and have a conversation like an adult. This makes her calm down a bit and she sits down so we can discuss.

I try explaining to her how it’s unfair how she expects me to remember everything and I’d be more than happy to listen to her, maybe just slow down a bit?

In mid of it she has this weird smile on her face and tells me I look hot mad, she then leans over to kiss me which I pull away from because it feels like she’s just trying to change a topic and I think this is an important convo for our relationship.

This is the moment Salt decides to arrive at home(I should also mention he’s TERRIBLE at reading the room) he comes over gives me my goodnight kiss and leaves.

(I would like to add its not like we make out or something. He just gives me a peck on the lips, says goodnight and leaves)

This drives Pepper crazy. She starts shouting at me on how I’d not kiss her but him? And that I could go ride his dick if I’m that gay for him. She storms out of the apartment

I’d like to add that Pepper has never said anything about me and Salt. I never told her about the goodnight kiss(Because I mean who goes to their girlfriend like “hey btw I kiss my roommate at nights. but no homo”?) but we never hide it either in fact I’m pretty sure we did that while she was in room once or twice too. Pepper has made jokes about us being gay and how she feels bad about getting inbetween us but never anything on being uncomfortable or not liking it.

Now it’s been a week and we haven’t talked since. She is not answering my messages and I stopped trying to contact her from there but I’m starting to doubt myself, am I the asshole here? Should I go apologize?

What are these acronyms?

[funnyboyblues17]

I know you all know me cause of my dead poets society posts

And while I have deep love for that movie and the fandom it’s not my current hyperfixation

And I have another tumblr but I still really enjoy the platform I have here

So I have decided that I’m gonna redo my tumblr to match my current interests

And I HOPE (it’s okay if not) that you guys are here cause of me and not my content (I worded this poorly i totally get most people are here cause of what I post I just hope at least a few are here for reasons besides that) but either way it doesn’t matter much

We are constantly changing and evolving beings

And we don’t have to stay the same just cause people like that version of us

If some people unfollow me cause they’re not interested in the things I’ll be posting going forward THATS OKAY and maybe it’s not as deep as I’m painting it to be I tend to do that

Either way this is a heads up for you and a love letter to my perfectionism

Cause I’ve been avoiding touching my tumblr cause I didn’t want people to be disappointed or upset with me

But the truth is it doesn’t matter

Cause with avoiding touching tumblr that meant I wasn’t sharing things to a platform I love dearly

And keeping myself shoved in interests that don’t serve me anymore

I’ll always love dps and the fandom and the people I’ve met from it

But it’s not my favorite thing right now

Maybe one day it will be again

But for now I’m gonna switch it up

I love change and change is okay

Change can be a lovely thing if you’re not scared of it

So moral is if you don’t like the new vibe that’s okay find another place where you share an interest and don’t feel bad if you get outta here

I’m super duper cool and like super cool things sooo

Anyway long rant over hope you guys like the new blog scenery

CRIMINAL MINDS OBSESSION IS SOOOO BACK

(Also I’m sorry for everyone who tags me or interacts and I don’t respond I’m so socially anxious I keep to myself a lot BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE IT)

[cha0ticlesbian]

I have some ranting to do about Alice in Wonderland (2010)

I’ve seen a lot of people (on here specially) saying how this movie is terrible but I honestly think it’s the best live action Disney movie. Maybe I’m biased because it’s been one my favorite movies since I was a kid and I have a HUGE hyperfixation on it.

I’ve also seen a lot of weird ships and stuff,

(I know the original idea was for the hatter and Alice to be a couple) (but I’ve always found that weird and it works better as a friendship/familial bond)

But what I’ve always loved about the movie is that it doesn’t need a love interest, it’s more about friendship and Alice also seems to be very uninterested in pursuing a relationship, as she turns down Hamish and pursues a career.

It’s a very special movie to me and it’s very different than your general Disney movie! It has a strong female lead who doesn’t need a love interest, makes her own path and even gets a proper battle outfit/scene!

But in conclusion this movie has always been very special to me and I’m upset it’s not getting the love it deserves💗

[zebedeezing]

Long post JH doc schizospec rant

Discussion of Joe Hawleys proposed mental health problems upsets me massively. Diagnosing a horrible celebrity with a stigmatised mental illness isn’t a new thing, and yes, even though there’s more ‘proof’ that Joe is schizophrenic, that doesn’t make it a different less sanist discussion, it doesn’t make the steak taste better or make any of this talk feel more justified to me.

I don’t trust people are talking about his mental health issues with completely pure intentions. There’s always either people downplaying his actions because of it, saying that he was too crazy to know what he was doing he didn’t meaaan to say slurs and be weird to young fans, or of course some assholes demonising him further or making schizo meltdown memes, because this might be the most they ever bother to learn about this serious, complicated and very sad mental health issue.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I think this will have consequences for schizophrenic, psychotic and other stigmatised mental illness having artists out there. This conv doesn’t exist in a vacuum. He’s a famous man, tally hall is prevalent in a lot of fandom culture and digital media history as a whole. I want to be more optimistic that this will start better conversations about mental illness online, or that people will stop being parasocial and let this guy get reasonable therapy and then do better, and oh my god not come to the conclusion that this is a universal experience of schizophrenics having bad episodes!

This is not inevitable mentally ill behaviour for the love of god. It’s a reason not a cause, and I don’t even like saying ‘reason’ cause I don’t want it to get twisted, I promise you this disgusting behaviour and actions are avoidable even when you’re living with a long term condition man. Whether it be by ranging therapy or extra support at home and at work, you can compress the pain and fear in your mind through your art and what you give to the world without being a piece of shit, I promise you. And you can even get famous without that shit happening too! I won’t rest until I see it or I be it.

If you read all this sorry for me going on. Please support your schizophrenic, psychotic, narcissistic, dissociative disorder having, bipolar, BPD and NBPD having, and OCD and OCPD having, anxious and paranoid, and any other stigmatised condition I might have missed, artists writers and musicians on tumblr. Raise each other up! And to the people who have tally hall related hyperfixations/ a th related special interest who are struggling right now, my heart goes out to you, keep yourselves calm safe and well.💚

[evil-dsmpconfessions]

ok i’ll shut up after this but to add onto my last ask I genuinely blocked someone I followed and we would occasionally interact bc they posted untagged crit/neg of my fave and I knew it was just gonna keep making me upset if I didn’t block them (bc tumblr doesn’t have a mute feature like twitter which is the only good thing left about twitter) and I feel bad bc it’s such a stupid thing to dwell on let alone block someone who i’ve had nothing but pos experiences with but at the same time I want to also curate my space bc I have every right to and I feel like if something genuinely affects me I should take action and remove it and ik i’m just using the limited options i have in this situation since the post was untagged (I have all crit/neg tags blocked for this reason) and again no mute feature but still URGHHGHhgh it suckss that my brain acts like this and I can’t do anything abt it

Idk sorry this isn’t as dsmp related but I posted it here anyways bc I just needed a free space to rant abt his since I feel like we don’t talk enough abt how intense special interests/hyperfixations can be at times to the point you do irrational shit like this 😶

.

[queen-lich-dumb-bitch]

Why Dr. Takuto Maruki in P5R is Very Wrong and Why His So-Called “Perfect Reality” is Deeply Upsetting

(This is a hyperfixation rant that spoils a great deal of the ending of P5R and addresses mental trauma and therapy in great detail. So please, make sure you know what you’re getting into when reading this. Also, while I have played P5R many, many times and have experienced a pretty hefty amount of my own trauma and suffering in my own life, I’m not an expert on psychology and matters of the mind, so most of the thoughts on his mental state are purely perspective and opinion.)

Dr. Maruki in P5R infuriates me beyond any character in any game I’ve ever played for so many reasons and for the longest time, I couldn’t pinpoint why. Because a lot of people thought we were stopping a good thing at the end of P5R and I couldn’t explain why I didn’t agree until this week and I’m now going to go into detail on why this man is making a massive mistake.

Starting with the obvious red flags:

Totalitarian society is the idea that a person or very small group of people not only keeps an entire society in line, but controls how people think and bends their will in service to the state, which is what Maruki is doing. It may look like utopia, but when mind control/“actualization” is required, that already sends warning alarms.

A man who felt his only option was to bend the will of another Persona-user against her will and wield her own power against other people (while she is in deep trauma and mental struggle might I add) is a deeply upsetting move and does not uphold what he perceives his moral standards to be.

Reality-bending power is very dangerous and giving one imperfect man the ability to not only rewrite life and its progress is vastly unwise. Especially if that man could also just as easily erase people from the narrative and no one would ever know they were gone. Just the flick of a finger and whoever didn’t fit his plan just didn’t exist. Bad. Very, very bad.

A man using the persona named Azathoth is like a billboard for petty despot. Azathoth is a Lovecraftian deity of Change, Creation and Destruction and the most powerful entity in all of Cthulhu Mythos. Yikes.

People praise Maruki for the same reasons they hate Yaldabaoth. Both should be hated. What people don’t understand is that they are serving the same shit on different platters. Humanity isn’t strong enough or smart enough to handle their own free will, so I will do it for them. Maruki just gift wrapped his to look like paradise instead of servitude.

Maruki is a vessel of DISTORTION. This man thinks he’s capable of running all of reality while suffering under debilitating trauma. And instead of actively getting help, he sets a vendetta against reality itself. Smart? No!

What was it that Brennan said in Burrow’s End? “Power should make you tired.” Taking godlike power for yourself and using it to reshape society to your liking is ALWAYS a red flag.

Everything about him screams cult and brainwashing. Everything. The outfit at the end, the way he speaks, the verbal and physical manipulation he uses to make you think he wants what’s best for you. No one who says they want to “save” you in a very religious way has your best interests at heart.

Putting people in places like a puzzle is a very dystopian theme. That’s what Maruki’s entire plan revolves around: the idea that, if something has the potential to cause you pain, it is to be avoided. That includes family, that includes jobs, that includes desires. Complete avoidance is his plan and he executes it by bending the minds of the masses to believe that what he says your role in society is is gospel.

Utopias crash regularly. Especially ones based off of peaceful living. Every utopia is a lid covering a festering sickness that, no matter how well buried you think it is, will spill out onto the surface eventually. And it’s devastating when it does.

There were still homeless people and impoverished people in Maruki’s “paradise”. Explain that.

That’s all the physical red flags. From a therapeutic perspective…:

Swallowing, avoiding, bottling, neglecting, or walking on the scars you gain from trauma is always a recipe for disaster. Physical and mental scars are very similar. Treating them with the appropriate care, time, and patience for the specific trauma can help them heal over. It’s why therapists and psychologists exist at all. To help you treat those wounds and help them to heal. It’s never said to be easy, but it’s doable if you’re willing to put in the work. Maruki’s not only bottling all of society’s trauma, but this whole mess started because he was doing it to himself. Trauma festers if left unchecked. It can dig into your mind and heart and make you irrational, bitter, vengeful, lonely, and often angry, sad, and numb. However, being willing to reach out and stumble towards people who can help you work through it can ease the burden, so you won’t do anything you’ll regret.

You can’t make the whole world happy. Checks and balances. Someone’s joy is often someone else’s misery. It sucks, but that comes with the territory of being mortal.

Pain is intrinsic to the human condition. It sucks. It really does. No one likes to experience pain or misfortune and I really do understand the idea of wanting the world to be anesthetized to pain and suffering, but that’s the side effect of free will. You can’t expect a world to live free and with the capacity to make their own decisions without conflict.

Mistakes are meant to be made. We don’t learn anything otherwise. Mistakes bring pain, pain brings learning, learning brings growth, growth brings joy. Yes, sometimes pain is sourceless and you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time and it sucks, but, again, as rough as it is, it’s part of the human condition and taking that away means taking away free will. The difference between the P.T.’s and Maruki is that the P.T.’s were changing the hearts of the people that were using their free will to silence other’s free will. The only exception is Futaba, and she specifically asked them so that she could start taking steps to working through her trauma, the opposite of what Maruki wants people to do.

Taking a W in life isn’t as rewarding if it is constantly happening. All of the rich people I’ve ever met are fucking miserable. When you have everything you’ve ever wanted, you forget what it’s like to feel actual joy because there is nothing to work towards anymore. If I had to choose between getting torn to shreds as I climb towards my goals and suffering defeat after failure to finally reach it and feel that pure happiness or have it given to me free of charge on the house perpetually, I hope my hands bleed as long as I finally get where I’m going and look back on how far I’d traveled to get there.

Scars, cuts, and bruises tell stories. I was always told as a kid that scars make you look tough, but I also learned that it was ok to cry and scream when I got hurt. Taking pride in the immense amount of emotional cuts and wounds and beatings I’ve taken was something that took forever to learn, but if I hadn’t taken any of those beatings, I’d still be the sheltered little Mormon boy that couldn’t speak up to save his life. All of those stabs and scars made me into the fluidflux, curious amalgamation of interests that knows how to stand up for herself and punch back if she has to. Not all scars are scars to be proud of and not all scars are glancing blows. Some hurt. Really bad. Bad enough to leave trauma and impressions. However, it’s telling you that, no matter how unlucky you are, you’re still alive. And that’s what matters. Because any scars you can walk away with, even if it’s not physically, are wounds that will heal given time and patience. And if it leaves such a scar that it will never truly heal, please reach out for support. Friends and confidants are there for a reason.

Maruki never reached out for help. And I know. That’s rich coming from me, who, to this day, claims that the most difficult thing in the world for me is to ask for any kind of help. But traversing the rough road that is trauma healing is easier traveled when you have people to help you.

At the end of the day when you strip Takuto Maruki down to his bare essentials, what you see is a man who is deeply traumatized, wallowing in his own regret and pain to the point where he is self-destructive. This same man is seeking to become a god of the world, pulling the strings to every single persons life and forcing people to live his ideal of what he thinks is the perfect reality and attempting to become untouchable while doing so.

The protagonist suffered so much injustice and unfairness in his life. Wrongfully accused of assaulting a deeply corrupt politician, he became the pawn in a deal between two gods as he struggled to stick his neck out for a society that deeply rejected him and still proceeded to change the hearts of 21 people without reality-bending capabilities just by talking with them and supporting them in their endeavors. It seems small, but in the end, 19 of those people come together and feed his support right back to him. The 20th person was his biggest rival, someone who betrayed, almost killed, and actively worked to destroy him. He ended up fighting by his side even if it meant in the end, he would die. And the last and 21st person was Maruki himself.

You don’t need godlike powers to change the world. You already can just by connecting with people on a personal level. Maruki sacrificed his own self-care, mental stability, and, honestly, the love of his life in a Faustian bargain with an entity that was trying to usurp the vacancy Yaldabaoth left in the universe’s power vacuum. It quite nearly cost him his life if the protagonist hadn’t been there to stop him, fight him, and show him that you don’t need to perform miracles. You just need to be there for people when they need you.

[chaifootsteps]

YAY THE BOX IS OPEN AGAIN

ok rant incoming, I’m sorry💀

I just want to say, I think to some extent, I understand the viv stans getting so rabid when the show is critiqued, I do get that reaction too sometimes, obviously it’s not the same for everyone but

for me, I see everything in very black in white. I either like something or I don’t, if something is shown to me to be morally problematic or whatever, I can’t just accept the flaws, I have to either ignore them or just stop enjoying the thing together. which can be very upsetting if it happens to my hyperfixations, because well. they are half of my entire identity, losing one is losing a part of myself. so I can understand the upset at having your favourite thing criticised, it is something I need to work on

However, my sympathy ends there, because it does no way ever warrant harassment, that’s absurd. fine, be upset over your favourite thing being ripped apart, but keep it to yourself. don’t hurt anyone over it. That is literally the stupidest thing ever.

so yeah, I’m sorry I can never make short asks here 💀 I just have a lot of thoughts and I don’t know how to shorten them, I guess what I’m trying to say is I understand getting upset over that (as unhealthy as it is, as i said it’s something I need to work on) but what is NEVER okay is being an ass over it.

It's true. I know I wouldn't be thrilled if people were picking Lackadaisy apart for what I perceived as dumb reasons, never mind if they were or not, but I dunno, I feel like I'd probably stop long before the point of sending shooting and rape threats to someone who did redesigns.

[canonizzyhours]

I binged the first season maybe a week after it was done airing and I looked up fan discussions right after that. As far as I remember a lot of it was pretty chill, people gushing about the show, thinking Izzy was a fun antagonist to dislike, and anxiously waiting for a renewal. I did notice that saying you loved Izzy was somewhat of an unpopular opinion but if there was backlash about it I wasn’t aware of it. I loved to hate him, we needed a guy like him on this show. Then I just moved on with my life to obsess over other hyperfixations until the trailer for season 2 came out.

Coming back to the fandom was weird to say the least, like stepping in another dimension. Suddenly not loving Izzy and not thinking he was the best was not only an unpopular opinion but you’d get shit for it? I was lurking, sometimes commenting, on reddit during season 2 and it always felt like it was a minefield when you wanted to comment even a little negatively on Izzy’s arc during season 2, and that you almost had to preface that you didn’t excuse Ed’s actions just so you could share an opinion on Izzy and hope not get downvoted to hell and be accused of supporting domestic abuse. It’s wild to me. I felt everything else could be talked about, but Izzy was such a sore subject if your review of him was not glowing praise for some reason?

I’d say the majority of people had nuanced views but some Izzy fans were so loud that they made the place… not a safe space ship. To me it was at least, I felt unsafe to say what I really thought because I participate in fandom for nuanced and civil discussions, not to get into a fight over Izzy of all people. I want peace not a migraine. It was like walking on eggshells not wanting to upset the Izzy fans over there, and it got progressively worse throughout the season. It was exhausting to have to be mindful of their emotional states all of the time. I can be sympathetic to a degree but I’m not here to manage the emotional outbursts of people I don’t even know the face of. I loved season 2 but a lot of them sucked the joy from it for a while with their rants over Izzy’s death. I still lurk over there once in a while and it’s gotten better in the months following the finale despite the occasional Izzy is not really dead posts, but man, I feel burnt out.

Tumblr isn’t much better but at least I’ve curated my feed well enough to not see much of it and it’s a relief honestly.

Thank you for letting me rant a little! (Merry Christmas for those whole celebrate!)

#164.

[3416]

i’m another new leafs fan, and wanted to say how much i enjoy your commentary :)

it’s been disappointing to see all the hate from proclaimed fans after their exit. do you have any thoughts about how sports (historically) have a predominantly male fan base, and how that contributes to the negativity?

anyway, just wanted to say thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts :)💗

fjlksjfkls it truly warms me that anyone cares enough about what i have to say to check my blog, but thank you for the sweet words 😭🫶 hope you're enjoying the leafs.

those same people hating will be back in october (or just stay all summer and simmer over their fake trade proposals) and then proclaim they're in a toxic relationship with their sports team instead of just taking responsibility for their own life and doing something that makes them ACTUALLY happy, but i digress. i think a lot of these men are loners who don't get the social interaction irl and have gravitated online, and i can't even talk shit about THAT aspect of it bc here i am too lol, but also. like. they never seemed to learn to regulate their emotions about things. it's one thing to be so invested that you get upset when your team loses, but like... they're not attached to the team conceptually or any of the players in the same way a lot of the time, so i don't understand what they ARE attached to. they're chasing sentimentality from their youth or community of rooting for your local teams, but it SEEMS like they're miserable doing it and just don't know how to escape the cycle of it, and that's something i will never understand. i've gone through PLENTY of obsessions and hyperfixations over the years, and when things start to negatively impact my life, i have to actively step back and fall out of it or remind myself there's a real life. like you don't earn moral points for sticking through something that makes you miserable so you can say you've always been a real fan. no one gives a shit if you've been there 30 years or 30 seconds. some of these people don't know how to remove themselves from it though... and maybe i care too much about the negativity myself, but it really does just seem to take over the spaces i inhabited all year just fine. i'll take a break in a bit and get back to optimism but lol

in the end, no i don't have some grand thesis. it's all the same takes i assume men who care intensely irl and yell at clouds just put to the internet instead to find common ground with other shitheads, but they seem to think THEY'RE the majority, which is hilarious. i think the majority of fans are probably casual fans in the gta and ontario in general and don't hold opinions as intensely negative as they do, but who knows... what i DO know is that all the women i've met through sports enjoy it in a much more fun and hilarious way than most men so ljdlsfjklsf. being able to prioritize fun over just WINNING (esp when u dont care.. abt the individual players themselves like? what do u even want them to win for???? what is motivating u.. i don't understand men lmao) makes for a way better time and a healthier fandom. anywya, thanks for giving me yet more opportunities to rant here, LOL.

[kanekoii]

Haii!! Guess who's back ;3 I saw that you do matchups so like...omagad can I get one pretty please >w<

My name is Fremi, im agender, and I'd be okay with anyone being matched w me but I kinda prefer men :3 Also I'm like..5′0 idk if that's important or anything I just saw others say their heights too idek ;-;

Personality wise I'm pretty calm most of the time, tho I tend to get upset over small things, I get defensive when someone talks bad about my loved ones or interests tho. I'm kinda lazy, I eep a lot n stuff. I'm a bit shy at first but with time I can warm up to people and then I tend to be really talkative and rant about my interests, and hyperfixations! Also I have a bit of a low social battery..Also with ppl I'm close to im. kinda. really clingy. My love languages are physical touch and quality time.

In a partner, I would prefer if they were understanding. I would want someone that's there for me, and wouldn't mind my mood swings, and would understand that sometimes I just prefer staying in and not going out for dates but still spending time together, and someone that wouldn't mind my clingyness. I'd also prefer someone that's not afraid to be honest.

Btw I might slide into your inbox later with a Wilson req..He's not my oshi but i started watching him recently and HES SO CUTE??? (⁠⊃⁠｡⁠•́⁠‿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)⁠⊃

lyra’s notes -> PLZZ ID BE HAPPY TO WRITE MORE (i’m basically bedridden today cuz i’m sick as fucc so i’d be more than happy to write a fic for u)

and after some consideration, you’ve been matched with…

SONNY BRISKO!!

sonny is the best boyfriend you could ever have frfr. you mentioned that you’re lazy and sleep a lot and this little fella will try to get you on your feet and outside sometimes, but he’ll never force you and he’s always understanding if you’re not feeling like it that day! he’s a busy guy, so he tries to spend as much time as he can with you when he’s not at work. he would never EVER lie to you, even if his life depended on it. he knows you hate lies, so why would he intentionally do something that he knows for a fact you don’t like? he would absolutely love to listen to you talk about your interests for hours and hours, he loves your voice so much and seeing you so excited makes him happy! sonny doesn’t mind your clinginess one bit, in fact he quite enjoys it. he really cherishes the time he spends with you, considering his job is on the dangerous side.

[cheriecoke]

that rant was fr so real 😭😭😭

i personally struggle with my followers / the people interacting expecting me to write only about one character i did (hobie brown from atsv) when my hyperfixation for him has faded. now i barely get asks and when i do it’s always related to him even though i’ve said numerous times i don’t want to write for him anymore… and somehow everybody is still so shocked when i mention wanting to be a bsd & jjk writer like 😔

idk if that relates to the topic you were ranting on necessarily but i love ur works, dont stress out please! and dont forget to write whatever u want, its ur blog <3

ahh i’m very glad it’s resonating with other ppl ! bc i genuinely do not want to be negative but i just keep thinking about it :/

this is so real bc i have had the same sort of struggle. i think the entire time i’ve had this blog i’ve gotten maybeee 3 (?) asks about nanami 😔 but i still get asks about levi ackerman even though i don’t write about him anymore & i get so many asks about the other bsd characters even though my rules & pinned say i only want requests for dazai 😭 it doesn’t really upset me but it’s also frustrating bc i want to interact with people & talk about my favorite characters ! but i feel like i’m just begging ppl to send asks to me sometimes ! :(

but thank you so much, i appreciate it a lot 💖 the same goes for you :)

[cowboylikeekatie]

all 35 lol tysm for answering those 2 tho!!

okay here i go!

6: i get mistaken usually around 15-16, it’s close to my age tho so it doesn’t matter

7: i don’t have any tattoos! i want to get a little disco ball tattoo when i’m older because of mirrorball by taylor swift:)

8: i just answered this one ^^

9: i have my ears pierced but other than that no piercings!

10. i want either a bellybutton piercing or double ear lobes!

11. my best friends name is richie! i forgot his tumblr so i can’t tag him tho!

12. i’m taken! i have the sweetest bf ever:)

13. i’m not going to answer my turn ons because idk

14. turn offs uh i hate when people r like really just mean?

15. my favorite movie huh i wonder…(IT 2017) (or brokeback mountain)

16. i’ll love you if you let me ramble about my hyperfixations or even better if u love them too and reply to me and we can discuss

17. i miss my grandpa because he’s like dead

18. my most traumatic experience was like probably having one of my closest friends in the past like… manipulate me into a lot of stuff, idk i don’t wanna vent so i’m not going to go into detail but it sucked

19. a fact about my personality is probably that i’m like very anxious, i talk fast i ramble fast i rant a lot it’s just a me thing idk

20. the thing about myself i probably hate the most is that i’m really avoidant without realizing it? if i start to actually be close to someone i’ll usually just get distant, or my weight. my insecurity about my weight used to be a lot worse but i just try to ignore it now

21. the thing i love most about myself is that i’m really goal oriented. i love to work hard to do something

22. OOH i love this question! when i’m older i want to be a child psychologist or a pediatrician! i want to go to yale (in connecticut) or to colby college (which is in maine)

23. my relationship with my brother used to suck a lot because we argued so much but i think we’ve gotten closer

24. me and my parents get along super well! they’ve always told me i can do whatever i want and they’re so kind.

25. my idea of a perfect date depends on the person? idk maybe a picnic

26. my biggest pet peeves are snoring and mouth breathers sorry

27. a description of the boy i like uh he’s my age, he’s probably 4 ish inches taller than me i think, he has brown hair

28. the person i dislike the most is taller than me, she’s 2 years older, uh idk

29. i try not to lie but i did have a friendship where i lied to them because i was scared they’d be mad

30. i hate the stress of it, like i’m academically motivated but i’m really scared of getting in trouble or being late to class

31. my last text message is “your gonna be my twin for twin day during spirit week right? i actually think that’ll be easy because we shop at a lot of the same places”

32. being called fat is the word that upsets me the most

33. i enjoy being called smart

34. in women i like when they’re taller, uh masc, that’s it

35. in men i like when they’re taller, glasses, long hair

36. connecticut! i want to live somewhere colder

37. my weight is one of my insecurities

38. i wanted to be a rockstar when i was little

39. coffee is my fav ice cream flavor!

okay thanks 🫡

[philsmeatylegss]

i would like to respectfully disagree with you being against autism self-diagnosis. feel free to ignore

i come from a unique place of being a glass child but also having to pick up the slack from my parents as even though my siblings are their priority they aren’t doing a good job and i so get where you’re coming from but it isn’t self-diagnosed autistics (even the tiktok ones who have watched one video and decided they’re autistic) that have done this to you.

i don’t agree with self-diagnosis unless the research is extensive but sometimes it is the only option. especially for kids with more severe autistic siblings because parents don’t want to put that label on their children unless they have to. my parents won’t let me get an autism diagnosis because they don’t want another one. as soon as they put a label on me there is no longer a reason to prioritise my siblings over me like they have.

that being said self diagnosed tiktok autistics, who seem to think autism is all hyperfixations and stimming sugarcoat autism (although you have to remember this is social media and everything is sugarcoated).

i have had knives pulled on me at 15 years old because my parents won’t do anything to calm my sister down. i’ve been the only one to comfort my nonverbal brother. but i’ve had my own struggles and just because they were and still are less visible to my parents (and they now blame them on my other diagnosed disorder that is completely different) and the fact im self-diagnosed doesn’t make them less valid

tldr: i have had similar experiences to your 3 months of your brother attempting to kill your mother but think a lack self diagnosis won’t fix that and am self diagnosed myself and your post upset me slightly :(

I’ll start with the tldr because I know I’m gonna ramble and lose the point I want to make:

TLDR: I agree with pretty much everything you just said. Your pov makes a lot of sense. I tend to trust your self diagnosis a lot more since you’ve personally seen all the sides and all the forms Autism presents itself. And you’re right. I should’ve specified that those who are glass children of autistic siblings who self diagnose are way more valid and more likely to be correct than someone who hasn’t experienced it. But even with all of that, I was ranting before and I definitely wasn’t fully thinking through every single possibility. And while I still agree with my original statement, I do believe situations like yours are an exception. But even if I didn’t see it that way, I’m sorry I said something upsetting. That’s never my intent and I always welcome criticism and civil discussions on certain topics. Thank you for sharing your story and making me think over my perspective from a different pov!

I swear I meant for the TLDR to be a sentence so my apologies. But as I said, I do think anon’s (very common) experience is the exception to when I say that self diagnosis for autism isn’t valid. I take into account a lot more when someone with an autistic sibling thinks they have autism for the same reason I get mad at people with no experience with autism who self diagnosis: they know what autism is. They’ve seen the non romanticized aspects of it like violence. They’ve witnessed the varying degrees the disorder presents itself. And most importantly, they know it’s not just a quirky personality trait. They understand the severity of the disorder and it’s not something to brag about.

I truly believe being a glass child, specifically a glass child with an autistic sibling is an experience you cannot fully grasp unless you yourself have gone through it. And though the research is very new, it is most likely that autism is genetic. That’s why it makes complete sense for multiple siblings to have autism with varying degrees of severity as they come from the same genetics. And the whole concept of being a glass child revolves around parents not seeing your needs as important and not having a diagnosis is exactly an example.

As i said, I never want to upset anyone and I always encourage respectful disagreements just as anon did. Explaining your pov without malice. And that’s how I believe both parties can actually learn something from disagreements. That being said, I agree with anon so there isn’t much disagreement.

I just personally believe that being a glass child of an autistic sibling with emotionally neglectful parents is such a unique form of trauma that even those who are experts on autism and on glass children cannot fully grasp. Therefore, I am sensitive to people who take a part of my experience and belittle it. One of my biggest problems is not dealing very well when I feel like someone doesn’t hear me. And this fucking phenomena of autism self diagnosis on tiktok where you’re sent massive amounts of hate for disagreeing is really upsetting for someone like me who is very sensitive to when my emotions and perspective are dismissed. All of this said, none of that applies to this response as I’m sure anon knows exactly where I’m coming from.

I’m just very defensive about the topic and the tendency to dismiss my input is very upsetting to me. So I do have moments when I say extreme statements without logically thinking it through. So I do want to revise my opinion that I do not believe in self diagnosis for autism unless the self diagnosis is being done by someone who has an autistic sibling. Thank you for making this point anon and I’m wishing you so much love <3

[melody-garnet]

for an outside perspective of what it’s like being near someone who reacts like this to even the thought of setting a boundary = rejection... Okay so i had girlfriend for over a year. I’m big on boundaries and opinions and openness, so I’d check in all the time. What do you want to eat, do you think this activity sounds cool, would this fit your budget, how does x or y make you feel,...

 It was my first meaningful romantic relationship, and at the time i thought she had more experience, so i tried following her lead at first. Except, there was no lead to follow. She was letting me decide so much, all the time, because her previous relationships were presumably with very pushy men. So at first there was just...nothing coming from her. She was too scared to upset me, and wouldn’t respond for days or weeks scared of saying the wrong thing or assuming i didn’t really want her input. We knew she did this, because she’d occasionally rant about one of us romantic partners or friends overstepping a boundary to another one of the group. And we’re all friends willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt, so we’d ask for their side of the story and find out she just hadn’t communicated the boundary.

She’d bend over backwards or minimize her own needs so much and so often, her entire friend group and all of us romantic partners were all hyperfixated on guessing what she was too scared to say for herself and trying to provide that. We’d have team meetings.

When she did ask for something we’d be extatic, and we tried to make it work very hard because it was uncommon, and then she’d also feel bad for bothering us.

I reached my first breaking point with that by month 7 or 8. I had us have a great big talk. She explained the above reasoning. I think cool, so i have to ask her opinion EVEN MORE. I  really made clear that i value her input, that everyone valued her input, told her just how much her loved ones are putting in an effort to hear her. 

For minimal chance of miscommunication, i deadass made a bulletpoint list of what i’d like (please dont ghost me for days at a time out of perfectionism, can i see you once a week, please treat me like the committed partner i am and let me meet your parents) and urged her to give me hers. What have i screwed up, what could be better, anything! i BEGGED HER for honesty, input and boundaries. 

And then she interpreted me asking her input as being even more pushy. So she’d lie about her boundaries and opinions even more.

((she also never gave me a bulletpoint back, or told me improvement points. i asked at least once month.))

She got so busy working on a PhD application and juggling all her romantic partners’s requests that she stayed jobless for months trying to give us all time rather than admitting she had too many partners. She wouldn’t always admit when she was with another partner, or ‘forget’ to mention a new one had passed the three-date-treshold. Her appartment building once didn’t have electricity for over a week in dead of winter, and just stayed in that appartment the whole time rather than ask if she could stay with any of her partners.  Eventually, we didn’t go on dates anymore. We did date night once a week, after dinner, at her place, and i’d walk home after midnight. The more casual the better, because those were less decisions to screw up. 

Her unexpressed resentment had made her so stressed her parents deeply disliked me even though they hadn’t ever met me. I was stressed all the time trying to guess what she wanted and seemingly never getting it right. I always had to take initiative and wondered if she even liked me anymore all the time. I would cry at random moments during the day or night, but it was all worth it because once a week i had a date with her discussing books and plays on her couch and i fell in love all over again.

 It was my first real romantic relationship, and people say relationships take work, and i kept trying to make it work. I was so sure there wasn’t a mistake she could make big enough to make me call it quits, and i felt greedy for even wanting to see her that often when she already had other partners. But i kept taking initiative and i kept asking her opinion, because if i didnt take initiative i’d get nothing at all.

By the end of month 13, I’d lost a fair bit of sleep and self respect. Then an opportunity came up and her parents were in the country for several days and she’d be with them the whole time. I asked her if i could meet them. It was one of the three things i had expressed i wanted from the relationship. She’d met mine. She’d been invited to new year’s and then a family holiday in may, and mother’s day brunch. She said i could meet her parents. Then she, otherwise the organizer extraordinaire, somehow screwed up getting two groups (their trio and i)  to meet up sometime in a 5 day period, and I’d have to make some serious sacrifices and take unexpected time off the next day to meet her parents. Whoopsiedoodle, you won’t do that, you love your work, guess you can’t see them now.  I was SO SURE she had botched it on purpose like a coward rather than just say ‘no’ honestly, that I LEFT MY JOB ON HOLD FOR HOURS just to check it was an actual mistake, to meet her parents, and then worked unpaid overtime to make up for it. 

She collapsed in relief when i told her i didn’t trust her enough to be in a romantic relationship anymore. I was still in love with her, but i just couldn’t anymore.

And then she laid out all the times i didnt respect a boundary. She was fine expressing all my screwups AFTERWARDS, of course, because the rejection had already happened and she was “free from judgment”.

I had screwed up

- the times i told her what i expected from a committed relationship, even a polyamorous one, and she didn’t agree out loud.  -the times i guessed what she wanted, and guessed wrong because i couldn’t read her mind - the times i did respect her boundaries and interpretations, but i shouldn’t have had to ask about it. she would have taken initiative herself. eventually. maybe. - or the times she did take initative to give her opinion, but it made her feel guiltier for being a bother. 

There had never been a way to win. 

(())

Tl;dr: 

My girlfriend bottled stuff up for so long, quote, “trying not to hurt my feelings” because she “didn’t want to be a bad guy”. In reality, she made me hurt and insecure and distrusting and abandoned for MONTHS just for her selfish fear of getting pushback. Eventually the relationship broke too far for me to consider her a mature and honest adult worth committing to, despite still being in love with her at the time.

That’s what happens when you erase your boundaries. You don’t evade rejection. You just make life harder all around.

There is just no way to win against rejection sensitive disorder by simply never being rejected.

There is no way for the other person to always guess correctly what you want if you are too scared to communicate what you want. There’s no way the other person can get you to state your needs if you dont believe they have the right to.

And those people want to! They want to know you! They want to reach you! They want to share the puzzle that is making life work, together!

By denying yourself and everyone honestly and open communication, you’re guaranteeing the people around you are left with a feeling of defeat and self-blame.

You are a human and you need things and want things. If you try not to have needs, you’re still gonna become angry over not getting them. That’s how survival works.

You can’t self-efface yourself into being a better person. You just become an erased person that hurts their loved ones by their absence. You become a person who represses their needs until the lack of those needs consumes them.

Btw when someone says "don't talk to me like that, I don't know you" the normal thing to do is apologize for the perceived overfamiliarity and correct the behavior. Just in case anyone was wondering

[omensobelisk]

> hello! i’m omen ^_^ i go by any pronouns.

> i’m 8teen and autistic, number one 8:11 fan ever!

> i use slurs that i can reclaim. even if i don’t use them here please don’t bother being on my blog if that upsets you.

> i block freely and don’t really have a dni criteria just don’t be a fucking weirdo nd we’re good! zionists and other shit bags should kill themselves.

> i’ll mainly use this to post art and different rambles about my special interests. speaking of interests here’s a list :3

a list of my freak interests ( blue = hyperfix )

8:11, the magnus archives, hermitcraft, minecraft story mode, general horror, sally face, jujutsu kaisen, hell’s paradise, chainsaw man, psychology and philosophy, bugs, plants, religious symbolism, dream interpretation, percy jackson, magnus chase, mythology, dungeons and dragons, baldurs gate three, i have no mouth and i must scream, resident evil, silent hill, original characters, mad father and games like it, fear and hunger, don’t hug me i’m scared, jesters and clowns, ancient greece and rome, bungo stray dogs, honkai star rail, postal, hatred, five nights at freddy’s, fallout, and a lot more.

> my tag list is as follows ( will be updated )

#freaky — my art

#drool emoji — reblogs and other things that i like

#omens deranged ramblings — general rambles

#i hate rich people — hate rants about billionaires

#obeliskposting — my super interesting life stuff

#honkai shit rail — hsr lore rambles

#little people in my phone — original characters

> graphic credit ; dantebasilio on tumblr