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greaterawarness · 3 years

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501st and 212th Workout

(I wanted to write a story with the clones with more realistic military things. So here's what a PT day looks like in the military.)

It was 0400 by the time Rex made it out to the grinder. It was a brisk morning with dew settled on every surface making goosebumps appear across Rex’s exposed arms and legs. Today was PT for the 501st and the 212th. They usually worked out in the mornings together at minimum three times a week when not on deployment. Rex stands towards the front of the grinder in his PT uniform which entailed a white shirt where Ahsoka had drawn his jaig eyes on his back and blue shorts. He began to rub his arms wishing he had worn the long-sleeved shirt and workout pants.

“Morning!” Cody calls walking onto the grinder in his white shirt and yellow shorts per the 212th PT uniform.

“Fucking cold!” Rex yells back. Cody was one of those anomalies who loved early workouts. Didn’t matter the weather or what type of workout he was always gearing to go. The man hasn’t even had any caf yet, but he wears a big eager smile on his face when he approaches Rex. They’re the first ones out there which is no surprise to either of them. Rex results to hopping up and down to generate some warmth by the time the men start showing up. Kix being the reasonable and smart man he is wears his long-sleeved shirt and long pants while Jesse winces the second he steps outside the way Rex did. Hardcase always wears the long-sleeved shirt and the shorts no matter the weather. They approach Rex and Cody looking more eager to go back to bed then to stand in the grinder waiting to start a workout.

“Morning.” Kix says softly. Jesse says nothing with his shoulders hunched and teeth chattering.

“Morning.” Rex and Cody say chuckling at Hardcase who can barely keep his eyes open. After those three arrive the rest of the men begin pouring out onto the grinder. When Fives and Echo approach Rex, Fives has his hands up rubbing his nipples through his shirt.

“First round at 79’s is on me if the first words out of that boy’s mouth aren’t ridiculously stupid.” Cody mutters to Rex.

“Fuck Cody I don’t want to play this game.” Rex mumbles back already knowing Cody will win. Echo opens his mouth to speak but Fives beats him to it.

“My nipples are hard boys.” Fives says still rubbing them and looking around to see if anyone else was doing the same. Rex lets out a long and disappointing sigh through his nose with a small shake of his head. Cody turns facing behind Rex with his hand rubbing his chin in an attempt to hide his laughing. Echo closes his eyes to possibly stop himself from smacking Fives.

“Good morning Captain.” Echo says opening his eyes again.

“Morning Echo.” Rex sighs before Echo elbows Fives in the ribs.

“Fuck Kix switch shirts with me!” Jesse finally pleads before they start forming up with the other men.

“I’m not rewarding you for being unprepared.” Kix says as they take their spots. The 501st form up on the right while the 212th form up on the left.

“Okay first, it is cold and even mynipples are hard, so I don’t know if that really constitutes as something ridiculously stupid!” Rex hisses to Cody when his men are out of ear shot. Cody just throws his head back laughing. Ahsoka slowly emerges from the crowds of men with a deep frown on her face.

“I’m offended by how cold it is this morning.” She mumbles standing beside them. Rex grins crossing his arms.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Cold? Commander Cody is it cold to you?” Rex asks. Cody tilts his head as if thinking.

“No, not familiar with that word.” He says. They both grin while Ahsoka rolls her eyes.

“Its to early for you two.” She groans rubbing her face.

“I’m cold!” Jesse calls from the ranks. Rex shakes his head as they wait for the last few stragglers to form up. Boil walks up from the 212th with a datapad.

“Here’s the roster.” He says with a yawn. Cody takes it and scrolls through the names. Appo finally makes it to the front with the datapad for Rex.

“Cutting it late there you think?” Rex says taking the datapad from him.

“Had to make sure the new guys had PT gear.” Appo shrugs. Rex frowns while scrolling through the roster. That’s right. Clone Force Zero. Rex watches as they walk around the rows of men to stand in front. They all wear 501st PT gear looking uncomfortable. X stands bored. Side-eye can’t stop yawning. Stitch and Flex can’t stop looking around the grinder while rubbing their arms from the cold. Ghost looks like he had just walked out naked and pushes himself against Side-eye with arms hugged tightly to his sides.

“How was your first night?” Rex asks trying to pull a smile on his face. X gives a shrug.

“It was like sleeping on a bunk bed in a warehouse full of snoring men.” X says crossing his arms. Rex keeps the forced smile on.

“Oh good.” He says through gritted teeth. “You can just fall in with the 501st.”

When they’re walking towards the back Rex lets out a sigh and shakes his head.

“Was that the clones Master told me about?” Ahsoka asks staring after them.

“Yeah, odd bunch that one.” Rex says trying to focus on the roster. Appo turns and waves into the crowd for someone to come up front. Rex watches two clones slowly walk forward.

“Captain, these are the two new members that got in last night.” Appo says with the two clones standing at full attention. Some men in the ranks laugh at their stiffness.

“At ease men,” Rex chuckles. They loosen up but in a stiff way. “What’s your names?”

“CT-5385 Sir!” The clone with a bun says snapping back to attention. Rex holds up a hand to try and calm the seriousness from these two.

“No, not the CT numbers,” Rex says hearing Cody chuckle beside him. “I’m Captain Rex, this is Commander Cody. And your names are…?”

“Ah I’m—I’m called Tup Sir.” The one with the bun says. The other one who Rex stopped before spouting CT numbers has a V tattooed across his left eye.

“I’m Dogma Sir.” Dogma says. Rex gives them a smile.

“Welcome to the 501st,” Rex says. “Fall back in so we can start the warmup.”

Appo leads them back into the ranks of 501st. Rex signals Fives to fall out. He hands him the datapad.

“You get to take muster.” Rex says. Cody hands the datapad back to Boil before they both stand in front of their men.

“Atten-tion!” Rex calls making both the 501st and 212th pop to attention. He steps back letting Boil and Fives walk forward.

“501ST attention to muster. When you hear your name sound off!” Fives starts. Boil does the same for the 212th. While they give muster, Rex has to fight the urge to spill everything about Clone Force Zero but not wanting to disclose anything to Commander Tano to soon. He peaks down at Ahsoka who rolls her shoulders slowly waking herself up.

“I don’t know how you talk me into these things Ani…” a voice sighs to the side. Rex smiles at Senator Amidala and General Skywalker walking across the grinder. It wasn’t odd for the Senator to join their morning workouts.

“Good morning Senator. Working out with us today?” Rex greets her. She gives him a warm smile and then an eye roll at General Skywalker.

“Yes, I was talked into it somehow.” She says eyeing the General. The General just grins with his hands on his hips more energetic in the morning then normal.

“It’s good for you,” The General starts. “Besides, the boys always seem more motivated when you’re around.”

He gestures out at the men who have perked up since seeing the Senator. Rex and Cody exchange a look before General Kenobi walks through the ranks.

“Blast this morning chill,” He says standing next to Cody. Both General’s wear the same PT gear as the clones except with a brown shirt instead of white. Ahsoka does the same except Rex and Fives tried drawing her face markings on her back. It doesn’t really look like them, but they tried. Many of the men have decided to make even their workout uniform unique. Hardcase scribbled GET THESE GAINS on the back of his. Kix had #MEDIC. Jesse proudly wears I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE on the back of his. Jesse’s wasn’t Rex’s favorite. Fives has IF FOUND RETURN TO ECHO while Echo has, I’M ECHO on the back of his. Echo still insists to have a blue handprint stamped over the right side of his chest. Rex got a kick out of all the messages his men wrote on their shirts. It started somewhat of a trend with the other clones. He’s been noticing more and more clones have been writing or even drawing things on their workout uniforms. “Well don’t delay on my behalf. Let’s get this over with.”

When muster is over, they start the warmup. It’s a series of basic exercises with ten four counts. The 501stand 212th try and outdo the other by who can count the loudest. Rex always felt sorry for the nobles living near the Jedi Temple. They probably never imagined they’d be woken up at 0500 to a clone army warming up. when the warmups done, they decide to do a Temple run.

“Alright, fast runners will be in group A with General Kenobi while slow runners will be in group B with General Skywalker.” Cody explains with the men breaking up into two groups. Ahsoka starts towards group B.

“Uh-uh come on kid.” Rex says leading her back to group A. she lets out a groan but doesn’t argue further. Cody stretches at the front of group A with General Kenobi. Normally General Kenobi would lead group B but with the Senator here General Skywalker volunteered to lead the slow group. All of Clone Force Zero stands in group A with mixed emotions of boredom or eagerness to get started. X turns his head meeting Rex’s eyes as if he could sense him staring. Rex looks away feeling a chill run up his spine. His thoughts are interrupted with Fives shouting towards the back of group A. Rex walks towards the back raising an eyebrow.

“Curse you and your slow running speeds!” He yells back to group B where Echo holds a hand up shielding his face as if it could hide him from Fives dramatics.

“Fuck sakes Fives its just a run.” Kix says in group A. Jesse leans on Kix’s shoulder.

“Yeah, Hardcase is a slow runner too but you don’t see us crying over it.” Jesse laughs giving a little wave to Hardcase in group B. Hardcase shoots Jesse the bird.

“Well since you’ve abandoned me, I’ll have to find a new running partner,” Fives says before grabbing the first clone he sees. He wraps his arm around Tup’s shoulders. “I’ll just run with… what’s your name again?”

“Tup.” Tup says uneasily.

“Tup!” Fives yells. Echo rolls his eyes while Jesse and Kix laugh. Rex walks back to the front where General Kenobi and Cody raise an eyebrow at him. He just shakes his head and waves them away in a you don’t want to know manner. With everyone in their groups they begin.

Group A always takes the lead in a steady pace with group B not far behind. Clones weren’t slow but some definitely were better runners then others. Rex had always struggled with running in the past. He never had that natural speed that others like Ahsoka or Cody had. He had to work for it and he still has to maintain a decent running schedule to keep his pace. Once they hit the one mile mark the groups begin to fizzle into everyone’s own speed. Group A and group B have now turned into a long line of runners around the Temple. Rex was impressed to see Tup near the front with General Kenobi, Ahsoka, Cody, and Rex. Fives struggled to keep the pace with his new running partner.

“Why don’t you fall back to Echo? He probably misses his running buddy?” Rex calls to Fives.

“Yeah… Echo… probably… does miss me!” Fives pants before slowing his speed. Rex gives Tup a grin before slowing his own speed. Cody gives him a look before slowing his own speed so they could run beside each other. With everyone a mile and a half in they were focused on their breathing and running speed.

“What’s going on?” Cody asks calmly. Rex peaks back at X and his men. They aren’t far behind them, but they also look like they haven’t even broken a sweat. They aren’t even trying. They could probably blow right past Rex and the other leading runners. Rex tells Cody everything he heard from X’s little meeting. Cody doesn’t answer at first as they take a turn.

“I mean… who gave them their orders? It wasn’t the Jedi that’s for sure.” Rex says with a small shake of his head.

“I keep thinking back to the first time we saw them fight. I’ve never seen any clone fight that way and I’m guilty of going hand to hand with droids all the time.” Cody says. Cody glances at Rex. “You don’t think they could be with the Seppies do you?”

“I’m not sure… If they are then how did the Seppies get ahold of five clones? Did they desert and make a deal with them like Slick?” Rex thought out loud. When they hit the two-mile mark, he was having a harder time thinking. Cody looked unfazed with only the sweat dripping down his forehead as sign of struggle.

“And another question is where did they get those weapons? I know they aren’t from Kamino.” Cody nods. “I have a bad feeling about this Rex ol’ boy.”

“Me too. But we can’t just start making accusations without proof. We’ll have to keep an eye on them until we have something we can bring to the Jedi.” Rex says. Cody opens his mouth to say something when someone runs past them so fast it nearly caused Rex to trip. X and Side-eye run ahead passing General Kenobi and Ahsoka. Rex frowns feeling his speed pick up.

“Hey!” Ahsoka yells before chasing after them. Rex and Cody reach General Kenobi who frowns after X. Ahsoka catches up to him. He smiles and says something they can’t hear. Ahsoka says something back before laughing and running beside them the rest of the way. Something stirred in Rex that made his blood hot. Rex can’t keep his eyes off X and Ahsoka. He didn’t think X would actually try and hurt her out in the open with two clone battalions running behind him. And even if he did Ahsoka was more than capable of handling herself but he still felt protective over her. She was just a kid after all.

When they finally reach five miles they come to a panting stop in the grinder. There was a small victory in seeing X and his men panting as much as Rex. When General Skywalker and Senator Amidala reach the grinder, she bends over to put her hands on her knees panting. Running at her speed was no challenge for the General who looked less worn compared to everyone else. Hardcase rolls on his back when he reaches the grinder and pants loudly while complaining.

“He lives!” Kix calls before walking over to Hardcase. Jesse places a foot on Hardcase’s stomach who makes a gaging noise.

“He pukes, you two clean it up!” Rex says snaping his fingers at them. Echo and Fives roll in with Echo placing his hands on his knees while Fives walks around with his hands over his head. They watch as all their men reach the grinder and slowly crawl back into formation. Not wanting to waste any time Rex and Cody stand in front of their men leading them in stretches. When the cooldown is down, they let their men go.

“501ST, we have duty tomorrow! Stand by for the watch bill!” Rex calls out before being answered with groans and moans. He looks over at Ahsoka and X still talking and sharing laughs. General Skywalker walks up to them when Rex does.

“Nah, I beat you!” Ahsoka says putting her hands on her hips.

“You must have used the Force or something because I was in the lead.” X says placing a hand on his chest.

“Master, tell X I’m faster then him!” Ahsoka says looking to the General.

“No way. I’m staying out of this.” He says with a chuckle and putting a hand on his hips.

“Fine, you won. But I want a rematch Commander.” X says crossing his arms.

“Oh, you’re on.” She says with a grin before walking back towards the temple.

“Settling in nicely I see.” The General says to X. X pulls a smile on and nods at the General.

“Everyone’s been very hospitable.” He says eyeing Rex who shifts his weight beside the General.

“Glad to hear,” The General says before looking back at the Senator as she approaches them. “If you’ll excuse me boys, I have to make sure the Senator makes it home safe.”

“I’m more then capable of doing that on my own.” The Senator raises an eyebrow at him with a smile.

“I know but it’s my duty as a Jedi ensure your safety!” The General says as they start walking away. When the General is out of ear shot X’s smile fades.

“Well,” X starts when Rex faces him. “This was a nice little jog. Me and the boys are going to shower. See you around Rex ol’ boy.”

The hair on the back of Rex’s neck stands on end. He watches X walk back towards the temple with his men. Cody and General Kenobi walk over to stand next to Rex.

“I don’t like that bunch.” Rex says narrowing his eyes at him.

“Patience Captain,” General Kenobi sighs. “They will reveal their true intentions in time.”

With nothing else to do Rex makes his way towards the Temple with Cody and the General. They change the subject to past tactics, but Rex couldn’t keep X out of his head. There was something off about him and it wasn’t just his armor or his weapons. It’s how he carries himself. How he acts. Everything about him was so familiar but Rex couldn’t pinpoint from where. Rex shakes his head. Maybe he was just paranoid. He decided he wouldn’t think about them for now. Now he has to prepare a watch bill for tomorrow and keep the 501st out of trouble while they awaited their next deployment. That alone was hard enough.

Click HERE to read full story on AO3.

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 4 years

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Sound Proof

okay so this fic was from Wattpad and I found it in my google docs so I’m just gonna upload it here for ya’ll lol. I didn’t tag, I wrote this a while ago let me know what ya’ll think!!!

Warnings: Smut.

With dancing, came immense concentration and a lot of cardio.

That was all okay for Damara. She wore her silk pressed hair back into a pony, simple Polo Ralph Lauren hat on to keep her edges slicked back, high waist thin grey leggings, all white cropped tank, and matching white Vans. Damara held onto the aluminum double bar Ballet barre, studying her glistening reflection within the wall mirrors that covered every single area from floor to ceiling.

Her chest rose and fell, right hand coming up to rub sweat off the tip of her nose. She had thirty minutes down, only twenty more to go. Being a pro dancer was fun when you posted tutorials on Instagram and YouTube, but when it came down to touring internationally and getting a chance to perform at Coachella, dance became a full time job.

Damara stares down at her version three iWatch, allowing herself to become consumed with the breathing app. She watched it expand with every breath, then declined whenever she exhaled. After her breathing returned to normal, Damara pulled up her iTunes playlist again, choosing to go sensual with a little bit of flash dance routine.

The instrumental to Kendrick Lamar- Love.

This song was always a warm up for her because it got her ‘in the mood’. She could feel the want and need behind the beat and his words. Damara snakes her hands up her frame, sliding slowly from the cuff of her ass, to her lower back, and lightly up and over her shoulders, forearms pressing into her large D cup breasts.

One thing is for sure, Damara could move her torso like Shakira, body rolling and ticking to the beat with perfect harmony. Doing a sudden spin on her tiptoes, Damara Lowers herself to the polished flooring, arching her back off of the surface with her legs spread into a V, before lifting her lower half off the ground to do a series of air kicks like she was back in an 80s workout video or like she was in Kanye West’s video for Fade instead of Teyana Taylor.

She turned over onto her hands, hitting a side to side split perfectly before lifting from the ground to walk seductive and tantalizing towards the middle of the dance studio.

That’s where it began, the sweatiest most bewitching dance yet. Her hands cascade everywhere, eyes closed to take in the beat with heightened hearing. Her hands rubbed along the outline of her pussy in a teasing manner. Damara was so shameless when it came to dancing provocatively. She twirled and made an S with her body like a snake, body in sync to the beat. The sultry look in her eyes could trap you like Medusa. You would think she danced to one of Prince's songs from the outside looking in.

The song came to an end, Damara lifting her shirt over her head and tossing it in the corner, picking up her gallon water bottle to take a huge sip. She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, feeling the burn in her curvy waistline from all the crunching and belly rolling that came with dancing. Her gluteal muscles were on fire as well, causing Damara to admire her ass in the mirror, sweat staining the crack of her ass over the fabric.

—

Finishing up, Damara grabs all her things before leaving the dance studio at the gym she finally snagged a membership for. The gym had two sections: one for premium guests who had VIP access to the soundproof workout rooms or standard. Sadly, Damara was standard. She always wanted to workout in the soundproof tinted glass rooms like all the extremely fit individuals did, but one look through those glasses at the equipment housed within would make you withdraw with fear. Her personal trainer had stressed for her to go VIP, bribing her with access to the ice bath room and luxury pool where you can watch the LA skyline like you’re in a hotel.

She made a left at the end of the hall, walking with her shirt and towel over her shoulder to the main gymnasium area full of musky people and terrible workout music. Even though Damara did a one hour session of dancing, she couldn’t help but to gravitate towards the stair master for a good fifteen minute burn. Once there, Damara climbs the stairs, beginning her workout on nine speed, instantly feeling the ache. Her eyes scanned the area, finally landing on a group of women huddled around one of the sound proof workout rooms for VIP gold card members.

She let out a tired chuckle, shaking her ponytail clad head before pausing to drink some water. Of COURSE they would all salivate over some random ass man instead of working out, because that’s what gyms are for these days. On queue every day Damara comes to the gym, once the clock strikes 8 pm, a hoard of women suffocate the glass, fogging it with their heavy breathing and wetting it with saliva from their wiggling tongues. Damara would have been one of them if she listened to her group of girlfriends who didn’t come in tonight. Supposedly, there is this fine ass man that comes to the gym every day, around 8 pm. Damara never seems to catch him, and even if she did, no man was that fine to act like a hyena over. He couldn’t be that sexy.

“Ooo, girl, let me get off this got damn treadmill he back again!” Damara turned to find a short, slim, mocha skinned girl with a track runners body ogling the group of women, her friend who looked like she could be her sister, biting her lip.

“I wonder if he’s doing the pull ups right now, fuckk. You know his dick stay hard when he working out.”

The other girl laughs, “I just want to suck it. Just give me one good time!”

Both women laughed while Damara tries her best to work out and ignore them. But to her surprise, she couldn’t focus. Not because of the talking, but because she wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Maybe after this she could rub it in her friends faces that whoever this guy was, wasn’t about the hype after all.

Defeated, Damara stopped her workout, quickly lowering herself off the machine and towards some spray and paper towels to wipe away her sweat. Tossing everything, Damara makes her way towards the sound proof workout room straight across from the men’s locker room.

Here she was, and yet just a few minutes ago she was laughing to herself at how ridiculous it was to come to a gym and stare at a man for two hours. Wasn’t no man fine enough for that.

The glass window straight ahead had about seven ladies standing in front of it, whispering and admiring at what looked like absolutely nothing to Damara. It was so dark she couldn’t see a thing. As she got closer, at first, all she could see through that glass was the usual workout machines of all types and weight racks. Just before she could walk away, he started lifting those weights. Suddenly, as if pulled by some type of force field, Damara turned into a fan girl with glossy eyes and a watery mouth. He had to be the one her friends were talking up. There is no way he couldn’t be the one with how fine he is.

“This must be your first time noticing Erik.”

Damara turned to the lady who looked to be twice her age standing next to her.

Damara didn’t respond, she simply looked back at him through that tinted glass. He was so fucking sexy that her jaw dropped; literally. Erik was definitely the one her friends were juiced up over. Not the juice you drink, but the drip from that pussy when she hungry for a nigga as damn fine as he is.

Erik had been bench pressing weights and she couldn’t get a good enough look at him until he lowered the weights. Yeah, when he was laid out on his back, sweaty muscles moving as he lifted 280 pounds over his head he looked good, but GOD once he stood up was she slapped with his looks.

Erik was wearing sweat shorts that dropped low around his waist, a damp sweat top and a pair of Nike Air Max Trainer 1s on his feet.

His braided back dreads were damp from the perspiration; it really set off his caramel complexion.

Erik returned his weights to their respective places and stood facing that mirror with a bottle of gatorade. Damara could really see how perfect he was. Fine wasn’t even the word, it was so much she could say about him. The look in his eyes, the way his muscles moved in conjunction with him, the smoothness of his skin, the hairstyle that compliments him very well, and let’s not forget those lips. She figured he got many compliments on his lips, as beautiful and suckable as they were. That thick erection he was sporting was an added bonus. All she could see was herself lowering onto it and rocking like crazy, like she was riding a horse. When she returned to reality from her lustful daze, she noticed her hands were flat against the glass, jaw STILL dropped, and her nipples tender and hard practically clawing at him. They were so hard that they were hurting, and the feeling of his lips pulling and sucking and licking on them would have been exactly what she needed, just pull her shirt down and suck em.

All of that talk and fantasizing in her head, ironically made his eyes meet hers. Damara swore she thought those big, dark eyes could see her and only her. The lady she ignored next to her smiled, like she knew what Damara was going through. She did, that’s why her and the others were still there.

——

Feeling a little foolish and embarrassed by her behavior, Damara asked the lady next to her if Erik could see them or was it one of those half way windows.

“Girl, he can see us alright. That’s why his dick is so big and hard poking through those shorts. He sees something he likes.”

Damara looked back at him, and right then like a spark had been ignited, he smiled a little at her with dimples, then winked before downing the rest of his gatorade. Damara could feel her knees buckle, body so nervous. She decided it was most definitely time to bounce. That night, Damara never told her girls about seeing the living legend, but she did go back the following day, a Wednesday, to stare him down at that window again. She purposely went there alone to have him to herself. It was crazy how obsessed he became.

——

After about a week or so of admiring Erik through that glass, Damara decided to take it up a notch and use the adjoining women’s workroom; yeah, like she could actually bench press any of the equipment in there. Getting into that women’s workroom meant that she had to become a gold member. The upgrade was about 20 dollars more, which landed her to about 80 dollars a month; great.

She felt like she’d been walking the yellow brick road to the emerald city. Opening those double glass doors to her new sanctuary, she could smell musk no longer, only fresh air and a cool breeze. The music was even better in there, sicko mode playing low through the speakers. It was approximately 7:50 pm, so she knew Erik would be arriving soon.

At about 8:15, a little later than usual, Erik pulled open the doors and walked into the men’s workroom. He had his dreads crinkled and messy, a pair of Beats solo 3 in black with gold trim over his ears, black Nike pro training top that clung to his body like it was two sizes too small, matching black shorts that hung low on his hips with the waistband of his compression pants peeking through. He hadn’t immediately seen Damara on the other side since she was in the corner tugging on the pull ropes that she couldn’t make budge. She didn’t really know what to do. If she popped out of nowhere near that window, she could scare him to death, and he’d be mad. He looked like the no nonsense type too.

Damara decided that hiding wouldn’t fix anything so she came out into the open to do some yin yoga poses that helped stretch her body. Sitting Indian style, she started with the butterfly, bending forward while gripping her shoes. The stretch made her moan, all the tension in her back disappearing. Next, she decided on the dragon, bringing one foot forward in a low lunge, stretching out her glutes and back again. Admiring herself, she liked the way her ass looked in the tinted mirror, and apparently so did Erik. Her heart dropped to her stomach like she’d been on the tallest roller coaster, her eyes reverting towards the ground. Damara could feel his eyes on her still as she lifted from the ground, rolling her neck. With one hand on the back of her neck to stretch the muscles, her eyes met his again. That same slight smile graced his face again, almost innocent, but those eyes were dark and sultry, like hot coal.

The heat turned down just a little, Erik walking away leaving Damara a flustered mess.

——

He started out with a little cross training. Damara watched from her workout mat in between doing crunches. Next, he pumped a little iron. She noticed how he enjoyed admiring himself when he lifted weights. The veins in his arms would bulge so much it looked like they wanted to break the surface of his skin. She could see his mouth slightly opened, concentration set in his features, and she just knew he was making those grunting, straining noises that guys make when they workout. Watching those muscles flex and bulge like that made her weak in the knees again. She liked the feeling. When he lay on his back to do the leg lifts, that’s when she lost it in a major way. The weight Damara had in her hand to do Russian twists fell down on her shoulder. She screamed out without even knowing it. All she could feel was pain beginning to throb in her left shoulder, and she laid back on the floor massaging it with a whimper. Unfortunately, at that time Erik was the last thing on her mind. When Damara got enough nerve to look at the window, Erik was pressed against it looking at her. He mouthed to her since it was sound proof, “You aight, Lil Mama?”

After Damara figured out his words, she nodded and gave him the okay symbol with a tired smile. Erik stares at her for a few seconds, scanning her frame in that PUMA workout suit she decided to wear, then moved on to the leg machine again. Damara liked the way he scouted her, and that made the pain in her shoulder go unnoticed.

——

Throughout their workouts, they would peep each other, and he liked the attention she was showering him with. There he was again with those pull-ups, directly facing her with intimidation in his eyes. Somehow, he had lost his shirt along the way, sweat pouring off his body like he’d been doing push-ups in the rain.

Damara’s workout suit was almost see-through and hugging all her curves, and he definitely paid attention because his erection was good and hard, tenting the front of those black workout shorts like wild. Damara wanted to think it was solely her making those pants tent like that, but working the hell out of those machines may have played a role in it. She’s good, but not that good.

The more she looked at Erik, the more she wanted to taste him, feel him pressing into her throat.

Damara looked down at her iWatch and realized it was minutes to closing time, but she couldn’t leave that room, let alone that window. She hated to leave because he was worth staying and getting caught with. Knowing the kind of man Erik was, he probably got a kick out of the chicks staring his fine ass down, then going home to his equally fine ass girl. That was the kind of luck Damara had: finding the juiciest man on the planet, but not able to land him because he was taken.

Damara suddenly had a lightbulb moment. Erik was a gold member, with a passkey to leave the gym if he ever got locked in. Damara could lie and say she lost her passkey, having to go to him to get out...or to get off! Shit, lord knows she needs that, it’s been way too long. Suddenly, Erik made a move she hadn’t been prepared for. He stepped away from the weight trainer and approached the window again. Damara couldn’t move, couldn’t muster a speech, all she could do was watch him approach her with that sweaty, perfect body. Maybe not so perfect to some because it was littered with tiny raised scars, but to her it was absolutely perfect. Man, the closer he got to her, the hotter she got. In all her orgasmic nonsense with a pussy so wet and probably creaming her panties, it soon dawned on her that he probably approached her to ask her why she’s still there; that maybe he was tired of being stared at as if he were a zoo animal. Damara got scared and backed up.

Erik backed up a bit, confusion on his face before chuckling, giving her a head to toe view of him, then he got busy. His eyes stared into hers as he massaged that massive erection up and down through his pants. Damara could feel her nectar elevating within her core. Then it hit her, he was about to give her a private sex show. Was she about to bounce? Fuck no, she stayed and watched everything that pretty nigga did.

When his erection got hard and thick within his pants, he let out a fucking dazzling smile that could make her cum right there. No man had ever smiled so wickedly at her that her panties got wet; then again, she’d never met Erik. His pecs were mouthwatering to the point of drool, contours and ripples were everywhere. All her nasty little tongue wanted to do was lick, lick from his collarbone to his abs and continue south. Her hands shook as they clutched her chest, feeling her nipples brush against her fingers. All the while, her eyes never left his.

——-

Bending to remove his shoes and socks was a chore because that delicious dick was in the way, but he managed. His fingers beckoned Damara to get closer. Damara knew he was going to slide his pants down next, the nigga was clever with his seduction. She moved back to that window, and watched him slide his shorts to his hips. His dick bounced out, sprang to life, and she dropped to her knees, wondering how all that would feel stroking her insides. He was real heavy, the type of dick where the tip and about two inches could only fit in the pussy. The type of dick where you would push him away while he blew your back out from getting too deep. The type of dick where you had to use two hands to jerk while you sucked; you really gotta be a pro to suck a dick like that with no hands, not to mention ride a dick like that.

Erik bit at his plump bottom lip, massaging it with his tongue while his hand massaged that long pole; that damn snake. The more he stroked, the bigger and bigger it became within his hand. He strokes that beautiful dick until he was about ready to nut. He mouthed at her through that sound proof glass,

“I want that throat.”

His muscles tensed, he squeezed it harder, and playfully rubbed it against the glass directly where her mouth was. She swore she could taste him, feel him sliding it between her lips and forcing his inches into her. Erik stroked it so hard that she could see the moisture forming on his tip. Damara couldn’t help herself, she had to reach between her thighs and stroke her pussy to match his tempo. Damara pulled her suit down, revealing her drenched sports bra and panties to him. She didn’t want to waste any time the way her fingers made its way to her panties, pulling the fabric to the side to reveal her wet sticky treat. The more he stroked himself, the deeper her fingers slide into her valley; all three of them. When Erik dropped to the floor, she scrambled to see what he was going to do next. It was fucking outrageous! That pretty ass nigga got on his back and moved his hips up and down like a bitch was on top of him. Damara screamed in ecstasy over the sight of it. Her fingers went deeper and deeper like she was trying to scoop her cum out the pussy. She turned around and arched her back, rubbing at her clit with one hand while fingering herself with the other. He pumped hard and long, perspiration dripping from him, muscles tensing. Damara just knew he was going to explode on the floor instead of her which was a damn shame. No. No fucking way. He turned over on his stomach, and did push-ups, pumping those hips and dick into oblivion. He still hadn’t cum for her yet. His arm shook when he did his one-handed push-ups, dick throbbing in his other hand. She felt her orgasm building deep in her belly, her legs shaking from muscle strain and intense pleasure. That was the grand finale, watching him cream into his own hands while staring her down.

Damara screamed out, Cumming on her fingers with a shake of her body.

——

He returned to his back and pressed out so much cum that she almost fainted from the orgasm he gave her. When her breathing returned to normal, Damara looked into her hand, now covered with so much of her own thick moisture that her fingers were sticking together. Then she glanced up at him watching her with a sweet smile on those wonderful lips—his erection was still in his hand and still harder than boulders.

The windows were nice and steamed by the time he and Damara finished. She watched him grab the rest of his belongings and headed for the showers. Damara took off as well, figuring that was all she’d get from him.

Damara made her way to the showers herself, letting her plan go. At least she got a good show from him so she was thankful.

While in the shower, Damara couldn’t help but smile as she wet her body under the steamy water. She struggled to fight the urge that this was it and probably her last sex show a man would ever give her and he didn’t even touch her. Damara allowed the warm water to trickle down her aching joints and relaxed. Her body mitt delicately encircled her breasts, pretending the sultry touch was Erik’s fingers, sucking on them gently before making a tongue track down to her core. She shuddered in waves of heat. Her body trembled, spasms, taking her mind off the pain from her injured shoulder. She completely gave in to pleasure and let the most tremendous orgasm hit her like no other one had ever before...well, until Erik happened on the scene.

Then.

“Damn, girl.”

The words came from nowhere. Damara assumed they had been in her mind. Nonetheless, her eyes opened and she twirled around to see if anyone had come in. There Erik was, standing directly in front of her. Damara tried reaching for her towel but Erik snatched it from the railing before she could get it.

His cool, seductive voice melted into her horny spirit.

“Imagine how big this dick would be if I would have been standing right above that ass, watching you finger that pussy from the front. All I could see was that phat ass shaking and quivering to some sexual fantasy. Was it about me?”

Damara couldn’t speak. All she could do was look down at the towel around his midsection, sporting a killer of an erection. Her mouth opened, her voice cracked.

“I...I, uh…”

“It’s okay, babygirl. I already know that ass was thinking about me. How could you not after the show I gave you.”

Erik moves toward her, one step away from entering the stall with her.

“You liked that show I already know that shit. I already know I got you”— he slapped her pussy, then reached around to palm her ass roughly, smacking each ass cheek causing it to sting—“hot enough to want more, right? You should anyway since I gave you a little taste of what the fuck I got,” he pulled his towel off and entered the stall.

It was different from having that window in between them both, Damara covering her nakedness with her arms. Erik pulled them down.

“Don’t you dare cover up a fucking thing.”

The grip on her wrists were so tight her hands shook.

“So, you just walk in women’s locker rooms? What if I wasn’t the only one here?”

He chuckles, letting her wrists go, “And? I don’t give a fuck about that. It’s okay for me to do whatever I fucking please in here.” He kisses her cheek. “I’m Erik—“

“I know who you are, Erik. Every woman within a five-city radius knows who you are.”

“Yeah? And who might you be?”

“Damara; nothing exotic, nothing romantic, just regular old Damara.”

“Not from where I’m standing, girl. You are so fucking sexy. I bet you taste good too, I know that pussy enjoyed me pleasing you.”

“It did, I can still feel it.” She lets out a moan.

“Well then that pussy won’t mind if I please you again?”

Damara relaxed, his hands covering her breasts, much the same way they did in her daydream. He stroked the tight tips with his thumbs, then replaced them with his lips. She was right, that mouth was made to suck on some titties. Erik sucked them ferociously, licking them like they were candy. Her head reared back as he sucked like he was trying to milk her. Her back arched off that wall, his arm circling her waist and pulling her close.

“So, you want everything, huh?”

“Every single drop.”

Erik’s muscles tightened around Damara; their bodies pressed against the wall. As the water continues to drench them, he lifted her into his arms; her legs hugged his hips. She felt the tip of that delicious dick play with her opening, tease it, rub up and down on it. She faces him, staring into those delicious brown eyes of his.

“It’s almost closing time, I couldn’t leave yet without a little taste.”

It definitely wouldn’t be a little with how big he was. Damara prepares herself for the surprise, her pussy clenching and quivering on its own. Erik takes his fingers to caress her clit, taking a single finger to tease it with a flickering motion. Damara kept a firm grip on his neck, pressed against the shower wall.

“I’m playing wit that clit good, huh?”

She responds with a bite to his shoulder, her pussy jerking in his hand. Erik brings his fingers to his mouth, spits on them, then brings them back to her clit. He was very generous with his spit, making her pussy extra sloppy. Clearly with him still going at it on her clit he aimed to make her cum this time with his own fingers.

“Ok, you working my clit,” she felt him take his dick to finish it off, rubbing her clit in circles. The smoothness of the tip of his dick hit every sensitive spot on her clit.

“Make that pussy cum,” she edged him on.

His hand came down to grip her ass while he worked, her body shuddering, legs securing around him even harder, moans echoing off of the shower walls.

“Shit, fuck, damn…”

She could feel the sensitivity in her pussy too.

“Open up for me.”

Damara opened wider, Erik bringing his dick to her pussy. He pushed his way in slow, only by a few inches before she clamped up. Her guess was correct, he was too much to take. Damara was scared now, she didn’t know if she could go through with it.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking big,” her eyes grew wide.

“Ha, You knew that already when you saw me jerking it.”

“I’m too tight.”

“So?” He moves his hips, teasing her walls to let him in further. Her body crunched, hand to his chest. Was she fucking a monster dick or what? His shit was too damn much.

“Chill,” her eyelids fluttered. She wouldn’t be able to stand.

“You’ve been eyeing me all fucking week, teasing me and shit and now you wanna cry about how big my dick is?”

He kissed at her neck, causing her to moan and rub her wet face against his. She brought her hands to his biceps, squeezing them tightly.

“Be gentle, okay? It’s too damn big.”

Erik takes that invitation, gripping her hips firm before pressing himself in inch by inch, pausing in between. Each time he entered her it felt like he was ripping her a new hole, but it felt so full in a good way. Along with the pain came a shock of pleasure. The vein on the underside of his shaft rubbed smoothly at the floor of her pussy, a new sensation she had never felt. It curves at the tip to hit her g spot, swiping it each time he moves his hips.

“I don’t think I ever had a dick this good,” she hissed the moment he fully entered her.

“I already know you didn’t with all that crying you was doing.” He pulled out to the tip, purposely, to make her feel every inch again. Erik pushes back in, watching the way her face went through a series of confused and unprepared emotions. It was time to pick up the pace now. Erik started off slow, his strokes growing and her moans. Damara held onto the rails along the walls of the shower, watching with astonishment how Erik’s dick fucked her.

“Oh, oh, omg,” she shook tremendously, a single hand clawing at Erik’s chest. He simply fucks her with deeper strokes, reminding her what came with every inch. Clearly he had a fetish for making women cry from how big he was. That rock hard body came with a huge package.

“Are you fucking kidding me!!!!!” She felt a rush of pressure forming in her lower belly, so big it pushes Erik’s dick out, a fountain of liquid pouring. The more she clenched, the more it flowed. Damara couldn’t control it and it shocked her. No way, this nigga made her squirt and for the first time ever. She’d always tried to make that happen for herself but it never worked so she would give up.

That seemed to fuel Erik even more, he brought one of her legs up into a split, entering her body again. This time, he flexed his abs, bringing his dick into even more of a curve, really hitting her spot. Erik knew what he was doing, he wanted to see the reaction again.

“Come on, take this big dick,” he held her leg up even if it shook.

“Ah, fuck yes, shit it’s happening again!!” Before she could relax, here she was, squirting again but Erik stayed in. He smiled, slamming her so hard with his dick that she could feel it in her stomach. At this point, Damara might as well lose count of how many orgasms she’ll have.

———

It was true.

Damara has missed two days of the gym for a reason.

She couldn’t get out of the damn bed the morning after her and Erik had sex. Her pussy was sore and sensitive, inner thighs shaking when she stood from the bed. Damara didn’t bother exchanging numbers with him, unsure if she would even be able to take him up on a second chance. Deciding to be a big girl, Damara went to the gym for a dance session.

She stood in the mirrored dance studio wearing a leotard colored bronze, a pair of sweats on and her hair in a messy bun with her vans. She skimmed through her playlist on iTunes, adjusting her AirPods to her liking.

Damara had to squat ballerina style to stretch her thigh muscles, bringing her leg up to extend the muscles of her inner thigh. Rolling her neck, she turns from the mirror, deciding to dance to a Nicki song. Once she got in the groove with the tempo, she started her routine. Her body moved like magic. The mirror wasn’t her own audience anymore, Erik was standing at the door watching her closely. He didn’t make a move, his eyes following her skillful moves along with her dangerous body, I mean, Damara was thick. Even through her loose fitted sweats he could tell. Now that Erik got a good look at her, he recognized her from Instagram.

DeetheeDancer.

She was pretty popular on social media for her dancing. Erik watched a few of her videos from time to time, loving the way she moved. She had this way of letting you know she was sexy from the look she gave in the camera when it followed her body. It was as if she was daring you to touch her, let her throw it back on you and see if you can catch it.

——-

Damara finished off to her first song, bending over with her hands on her knees to catch her breath. She paused her music, picking up her water to take a long sip. After recapping it, Damara’s eyes sweep the area, landing on the door and seeing a familiar face waving at her.

It was him, the big dick nigga that had her on a two day hiatus. He looked to be arriving at the gym because he didn’t look worn out just fresh with a bomber jacket over top of his workout gear, beats over his ears and shades on.

“Mind if I come in?” He mouthed.

Damara caught her breath before smiling, motioning for him to enter. He finally stepped through, dropping the duffel bag that was on his shoulder.

“Why ain’t you tell me you were a dancer? You ain’t so average.”

“It’s kind of hard to do that when you were balls deep in me.” She mouthed tiredly.

“You talk hella bold but when I’m in there I have you running though.” He removed his shades, blessing her with his brown eyes.

“Mind if I watch? I got all day.” Erik removed his jacket.

“Fine with me,” Damara was okay with it, she had eyes on her with dancing almost all the time.

“She plugged her phone into the wall Bluetooth, settling on dancing to some pussy popping music from her freaky playlist. Yes, this was absolutely purposeful.

Right off the back, Megan Thee Stallion Freak Nasty began playing. She started off with a routine she already had to this song. She poses, hands rubbing down her frame before squatting down with a grip on her knees while swaying her hips. She did a turn, one hand in her hair with the other on her ass. Once the beat dropped, she got into the groove with a sexy hip hop routine that involved a lot of footwork and ass shaking. Her ass shook alright, like a goddamn tidal wave straight from the sea. She bounced in a circle, spreading her legs wide before landing into a perfect split that deserved tens across the board like she was a gymnast.

Erik was impressed, and so was the huge dick that jumped happily in his compression briefs. She was clearly giving it her all, impressing him. He could fuck her ass royally with his dick, congratulate her for the little talent show. She was on the floor again, doing a perfect side split, her eyes moving from the mirror and zeroing in on his erection. She must have known that he was turned on because her eyes didn’t move from his crotch the entire time she grind, bent her body over, and twerked her ass.

“You think that pussy can handle this dick today?”

She stops moving, hyperventilating before pausing her music.

“Nah, keep that playlist rolling, I want you to dance on this dick.”

She looked at him. He looked at her. She whispered, “okay, I admit it. You’ve got too much dick for me.”

“Girl,” He wasn’t trying to hear that.

“I’m serious, I need to be able to move not walk like a cripple.”

“It’s a gift,” he smiles wide.

Damara walks over to the mirrored wall, holding onto the bar before stretching her leg all the way up to her head.

“See, you preparing yourself already.”

Erik began to approach her, Damara bent over with her head between her legs, looking from behind. She could see Erik making his way to her, the feeling in her stomach making her nervous. Damara lifts back up, grabbing a towel to wipe her neck off. Here he was now, fully enveloped in her personal space with his hands on either side of the bar, chin resting on her shoulder.

“I mean, you really got that shit up there, huh?” He was referring to her leg.

She chuckles, “Chill out, monster.”

“Monster? Hm,” Erik turns Damara around, his eyes scanning her heaving chest, “Well, it is October.”

She smiles, licking her lips before looking at his, “You plan on scaring me again?”

Erik takes his thumb to stroke her chin, “I thought you were afraid of big, bad things?”

Damara swallows spit, eyes fluttering. She grabbed the bar on either side to brace herself.

“You ain’t know? This is my favorite time of the year.”

Damara places her hands on the back of Erik’s head, pulling him down to meet her lips. They kissed, Erik’s hand on her hips now, pulling her off and against him. The next song that played was dvsn- With me.

“C’ mon,” Erik kisses her again, their full lips in French kiss mode, “dance on me.”

Damara takes her time to work her hips into the slow beat, Erik easily matching her movements. She was impressed, turning now, dipping forward with her ass against his crotch, twirling her hips in a hypnotizing circle. Erik places one arm across her chest, his face buried in her hair, Damara turning to face him slightly while she moved her hips tantalizingly slow against him.

“Mm,” Erik looked her frame up and down.

Damara turns, on her knees, arching back before rolling her body forward, grabbing Erik’s legs as she began to rise while her hips moved from side to side. She went to her tip toes then, one leg cleanly rising to rest on his shoulder before she arched her back, jumping up for Erik to catch her. He does, twirling her around before slowing down as the song slowed, their eyes meeting.

“Wow,” she spoke breathlessly.

Before she could stop herself, Damara places her lips against his, Erik bringing her to the floor. Between frantic kisses, Erik undressed her, her naked sweaty body warm against his. She moans, arms around his neck. Erik takes his fingers, slipping inside to get a feel and taste.

“You taste just right,” He sucks slowly on his fingers before taking those same fingers to rub her nipples.

“Fuck,” Damara pushes Erik down to the floor, her hands moving quickly to undress him. She needed him no matter how big he was. The sight of him again almost knocked her out. Damara grabs his dick, licking her lips before sinking her mouth over him. Erik instantly palmed the back of her head, biting his lip and saying how much of a good girl she was.

Damara sucked like her life was at stake, spit covering her hands and chest. She couldn’t fit him all in her mouth but she did her absolute best. Erik pulls her mouth off, watching the string of spit connect with her lower lip.

“Climb up, Baby girl.” Erik motions for Damara to come to him, Her legs straddling him on either side before her arms grabbed his shoulders tightly. She tried to prepare herself but the moment Erik slipped inside again she squeezed his biceps with her nails. Erik hisses, taking his hands to grab at her waist to keep her still. He started fucking up into her at an even pace, the pressure within her too much. She could feel the shit in her spine. Damara looked back at it, eyes closing in sweet pleasure before looking down at Erik’s smiling face.

“God, please keep fucking me.”

Erik grabs her ass, anchoring his hips before picking up the pace. The scream from her was so loud it bounced off the walls.

“These walls ain’t sound proof, Baby girl.”

She couldn’t move or control her cries. Erik was deep within her guts. Damara begged for Erik to keep going over and over, a series of please and I need more escaping her mouth.

“You gonna squirt on me like that again?” He bit his lip, raising his brows in a rude manner to initiate a response from her, “I said is that what you’re gonna do?!”

“Yes!!!!!”

Damara snapped, squirting like he asked. Erik slaps both her ass cheeks for that.

“Good girl, I know you got more for me.”

“Yes, Erik.”

She froze, mouth suspended open before cumming again. Within seconds?

“FUCKkkkkk.”

“Mhm,” he fucked up into her at the same killer pace, “mhm...mhm.”

“STOP!” She cries out, the urge to cum right there.

“Stop it, I’m gonna cum again!”

“Girl, shut up and cum.”

Erik was close himself.

“Shut that crying up and cum on this dick.”

She went silent, body trembling before cumming for a third time.

“Oh my God,” she cries.

“You gonna let me cum in that mouth, Baby girl?”

Erik bounced Damara a few more times before slipping her off, standing to his feet quickly while she stayed on her knees. Damara opened wide, waiting for his treat. He jerked his big dick, grunts deep and eyes low and dangerous. After three pumps the cream spilled, Damara’s tongue ready. He tasted so damn good.

“All of it, I’m not playing with you.”

She grabs his dick, licking and sucking all of it off.

“Good girl,” he puckered his lips down at her, mouthing a kiss. She almost fainted.

“You gonna have them thirsty bitches mad”

Damara didn’t care.

#killmonger smut #killmonger #black panther killmonger #nahimjustfeelingit writes #killmonger x oc

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canonicallyanxious · 4 years

Photo

axolotlgirl & zombiewoman // A fatou/kieu my fanmix

This playlist is actually, like, ten smaller playlists combined into one giant playlist. basically what i did is i made a mini-playlist for each episode and kinda just kept adding to it as each episode was released. but i stand by it tbh. full tracklist under the cut!

i. new galaxies

ii. gay silence

iii. supernova

iv. you are fake

v. i’m not good enough

vi. weightless

vii. just forgot

viii. lightyears away

ix. the proposal

x. until eternity?

#druck #kieutou #kieu my vu #fatou jallow #fanmixes #playlists #forgive me i am Not a Graphic Designer #wanted to celebrate the end of the season and i'm not a fast enough writer to have a fic ready #so have this instead lol

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potionsclasss · 4 years

Note

hiiiii!!! can i get a ship plz?

about me: my name is alexandra; 5’7”; size 2; green eyes; pansy parkinson haircut (short, dark, bangs); i survive on coffee; i love style (ive been into dark/light academia for a few years now); classy i guess???; like very, very slytherin; intj; smart with good grades, but i’m not a goody-goody or a swot or whatever; bisexual asf; kinky asf; kinda toxic lol; i’m a ballerina and a runner; my favorite “hobby” is traveling; i’m super sarcastic and my sense of humor is being an absolute asshole; i get told that i’m intimidating like all the time; super polítical; i have a lot of trust issues bc all of my exes were terrible and my mom is abusive lol; emotionally, i’m v closed off; i’m mentally ill but with a ✨god complex✨and; i’m such a draco girl it’s actually stupid

thanks!!!!

Who your ideal partner is and why

Pansy Parkinson, DEFINITELY. She’s basically the female version of Draco; aggressive, patronizing, toxic, and kinky, in other words, perfect in every way. You two would hit it off in every facet, from the compatible hot dark-haired bisexual vibes to being an opinionated independent Slytherin woman. You would be equally patient with each other's signs of love and mental health, knowing you both have major trust issues.

How you met

Making Fun of Draco in the common room. You were friends for years, taking many of the same classes and running in many of the same circles, and seemed to bond over your love for taunting the blonde until he practically burst. It would be a bleak winter day outside, the icy serenade and coolness bringing out the warmth within. You would be sitting across from Draco, with her pressed comfortably and familiarly into your side, the both of you teasing him over his shamefully lost quittage match, enjoying the rosy blush that flushed his face. When he drifted out of the common room and the two of you were alone, you would have to expend all your energy focusing your eyes on the fire in its iron bed, in order to keep your eyes and mind off the heat radiating through you, from Pansy’s skirt-clad thigh pressed softly against yours.

First Date

Picnic under the whomping willow. Pansy would cast a surrounding spell that allowed the willow to become calm for a few hours, allowing just enough time for the two of you to eat and watch the stars. You would be dressed in plaid fitted pants with a tall white turtleneck, and her in an olive-colored blouse and black trousers. The two of you would hold hands, hers encapsulated in yours while she twisted one of your golden rings around your middle finger. There was a tangible beauty in the quietness of the picnic, and your surroundings elevated the simple subtle moment. The jams and candies were sweet, but not half as sweet as Pansy’s company under the richest blues of the evening sky.

Little things about the two of you:)

-Admiring her green eyes, which were the hue of the new spring growth, bright and soft all at once. There were flecks of strength, of the kind of green that comes only as summer advances.

-Her being so patient and loving with you in every aspect, completely nurturing you.

-Study dates in the library that turn into Pansy’s hand rubbing your thigh.

-Making love to soft angsty bedroom pop.

-Traveling around Europe together, kissing softly under sunset skies, like blossoms upon the clouds as sweet wild clover blooms.

A song that reminds me of your relationship: Go Fuck Yourself by Two Feet

@alexandramalfoy

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carryonsimoncarryonbaz · 4 years

Text

Flufftober Day 21

Disclaimer! I was planning a 100 word Drabble and I got quite carried away and ended up writing an entire one-shot fic. My thanks to @otherworldsivelivedin and @penpanoply for the positive feedback and the encouragement to post it, so here it is. Read the fic at ao3!

October 21 prompt: “I don’t understand” (Boyfriend Material)

Oh! You Pretty Things

Luc, mon caneton. You and Oliver are free Sunday, yes?”

I try to remember if we actually have anything planned for Sunday, other than a good shag and French toast. Maybe followed by another shag.

“Uh.”

“Magnifique. You shall come to Judy’s.”

“What?”

“Judy’s piscine. You must come see.”

“Listen, Mum, I know you two have been friends for a long time, but I draw the line at anything involving Judy pissing.”

“Do not be so silly. Put me on the shouting phone.”

“Speakerphone?”

“Oui.”

“Fine,” I huff as I switch my mobile over. She’s given up talking to me it seems.

“Oliver, Luc is speaking nonsense. Judy has a new piscine and you must come in your Speedo on Sunday.”

“He’s not showing up in a Speedo, Mum. And most certainly not to do anything involving pissing!”

“Piscine is a swimming pool,” Oliver murmurs helpfully.

This makes things a bit clearer, but still not in any way appealing.

“It sounds like it could be fun,” he adds.

Fuck it all.

“See, it is a done deal as you say,” Mum chimes in. “Do not forget the Speedo, Oliver.”

“Mum, why the sudden obsession with swimwear?”

“Your boyfriend has style, mon cher. Oliver would not wear those ridiculous pantalons you insist on wearing to the sea.”

“They’re called swim shorts.”

“Pah, even the name is foolish. I do not understand you. All the gays they wear the Speedo. Why do you not want your boyfriend in one? He is attractive, non?”

“Well, yes, but you see . . .” I flounder as Oliver’s eyebrow goes up and his lips quirk. “Mum, that’s not the point . . .”

“Ah. I see now. You do not like the other men to see your Oliver like that. It is not good, the jealousy, Luc.”

“I’m not jealous!”

“There will not be gays to flirt with your boyfriend, mon cher. It is just Judy and me. I will make my special summer curry.”

“No, Mum, for the love of God, no.”

It’s jarring to realize that what I’d once considered to be the Mount Everest of my Mum’s culinary crimes was actually just a runner-up Mount Kilimanjaro--that she’d lulled me into thinking the special curry was the pinnacle of toxicity, while unbeknownst to me the summer curry had been lurking in the deeper waters.

I know I’m mixing my metaphors and I don’t care–they still aren’t as unfortunate a combination as any of my mother’s curry ingredients.

“Sunday, Luc.”

There’s an edge to Mum’s voice that promptly disappears as soon as she directs her words to Oliver again. “Oliver, do not let my son wear the pantalons. Take him shopping for a proper maillot de bain, oui?”

“Oui. A bientôt, Odile,” Oliver replies.

I end the call with a little more zeal than necessary. Meaning my mobile flies out of my hands and skitters across the floor.

“You can’t be serious about this.” I give Oliver my keenest glare. “Speedos and summer curry?”

“What is this vendetta against swimwear?” Oliver asks, boldly ignoring the curry issue, the smirk on his face threatening to raise my blood pressure by double digits.

“It’s not a vendetta.”

“Then?” He nudges my knee with his bare foot. It makes me weak under the best of circumstances but I do my best to hold onto my indignation.

“It’s nothing.” The words come out petulant. Lovely. I sound like a sullen teenager.

“It’s obviously something.” Oliver slides his toes under my leg. It’s unfair, it really is. “I wouldn’t have expected you to be averse to the thought of me in a Speedo.”

His foot burrows further under, his toes now brushing against the inside of my thigh and my brain is overwhelmed with an image of that v-cut of his diving down into a black Speedo and it’s all my mother’s fault, which really shouldn’t be something that’s remotely allowed to be in the same sentence with v-cut.

“It’s not you,” I say, with the inevitable follow up of “It’s me.”

“How so?”

“Ok, so I know Speedos are basically the required beach couture for our demographic, but it’s not ever been something I’ve felt works for, you know,” I wave a hand at myself, “me.”

“And why not?”

I stare at him. “Listen, I know for a fact you’ve seen me naked, more than once, so you should be able to figure that one out for yourself, Oliver.”

“I’m not following you, Lucien.”

Splendid. I’m going to have to spell it out. “I don’t have the . . . well, the physique to pull off wearing one.”

I also don’t have the confidence of middle aged, paunchy French men, but that’s beside the point.

His toes do this wiggle that’s borderline pornographic.

“Lucien.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, don’t Lucien me about this. I’m not built for a Speedo and I damn well am not about to go prancing around in one at Judy’s blasted piscine.”

I give him a side-long glance.

He’s got that creased forehead look he gets when he’s thinking of how to politely reply to some asinine thing I’ve said. I’m intimately familiar with it.

“Look, it’s fine, Oliver. We’ll go to Mum’s disaster of a pool party, swim in whatever monstrosity Judy’s installed at her estate, bathe in eau de wet dog for a few hours thanks to the spaniels. Eat the blasted summer curry and deal with the inevitable intestinal horror show to follow.” I narrow my eyes at him. “But I draw the line at the Speedo.”

Oliver has the audacity to smirk at me again. “For you or for me?”

“What?”

“For you or for me? I understand you may have reservations about wearing one—reservations I find quite concerning from a body-image standpoint, which we should probably address at some point in time—but I will support your devotion to modesty, as long as you comprehend the fact that I, for one, would not be averse to the sight.”

He’s completely lost me. “The sight of what?”

There’s that soft look. I’m becoming intimately familiar with that one as well.

Then his toes start doing that wiggly thing against my inner thigh again and I’m not sure if I’m turned on or still quivering with righteous indignation.

Right, I’m turned on.

“Of you, Lucien. You in a Speedo. Or swim shorts. Or an oversized t-shirt and hedgehog pants.”

Oliver slides his leg fully under my arse and somehow unbalances me enough that I end up sprawled in a heap on his chest. He’s not wearing a shirt so I’m not about to complain, although I do let out an involuntary squawk as I thump against the broad and luxurious expanse of his pecs.

He brushes the hair off my forehead, tracing his fingertips along my jawline until he’s cupping my face with his hand. “Whether we go or not is completely up to you,” Oliver says, grey eyes intense, yet achingly soft. “But you could be clad in a caftan and you’d still be beautiful to me.”

I should just take the compliment. I should crawl the rest of the way up his chest and kiss him breathless.

I don’t, of course.

“That could be arranged, you know. James Royce-Royce has a lovely chartreuse caftan. I’m certain he’d let me borrow it for the noble cause of seducing my Speedo-clad boyfriend in full view of my mother and her barmy old harpy of a best friend. The spaniels will be scandalized.” I can’t help grinning at him.

He grins right back, a silver glint in his eyes. “I’m sorry I’ll have to disappoint you then.”

“What? How will you resist my boyish charm? I’ll have you know that caftan brings out the green of my eyes.” I bat my eyelashes.

“I’m certain it does.”

“Then what are you on about?”

“I’m afraid I must dash your hopes of a Speedo-clad seduction.”

“What? My caftan-clad allure isn’t going to do it for you after all?”

His smile widens. “Oh, I’m sure it will.” He leans down to press a kiss to the tip of my nose, which is one of the many ridiculously fond things he does that I’m becoming terrifyingly accustomed to.

Oliver tilts his head back, radiating amusement now. “I just don’t happen to own a Speedo.”

I drop my head on the pillow of his toned chest muscles and give a snorty laugh. “Whatever will my mother say?”

He gives a laugh as juvenile as mine as he replies. “Something very uncomplimentary about my pantalons, I’m sure.”

“We’re a disappointment to fashionable gays everywhere.”

“Speak for yourself.”

#flufftober2020 #fluff river #boyfriend material #luc o'donnell #oliver blackwood #odile O’Donnell #definitely not 100 words #this is a whole one-shot #my doc #my writing #Luc x Oliver

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hopelikethemoon · 4 years

Text

Cherry Red (Javier x Reader) {MTMF} [smut]

Title: Cherry Red Rating: Explicit Length: 4700 Warnings: Smut (Bathroom sex ‘nuff said) Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set later summer 1998. Reader’s outfit can be found here. Check out the NSFW ABCs. Summary: Javier and Reader enjoy a night out with Connie and Steve.

“Babe,” You started, using your tongue to catch the straw, taking a sip before you sat it down on the table. “What’s your favorite color?”

Javier’s brows drew together as he leaned over to give Sofía a handful of broken up animal crackers. He pursed his lips, “It depends.”

“Helpful.” You rolled your eyes, brushing your fingers through your hair as you rested your elbows on the table. “Maybe I want to buy something special…”

“Oh?” He smirked across the table at you. “Red.”

“That’s your favorite color?”

He shrugged, “You’ve got that one flannel shirt you wear.” Javier adjusted the straw in Sofía’s apple juice box, glancing back at you. “It’s red and it looks good on you.”

“I didn’t know you liked that.” You grinned a little, chewing on your bottom lip. “I don’t know if they have lumberjack chic, but I’ll check. Just for you.” You nudge his foot under the table. “You good to watch the girls for a couple minutes?”

He nodded, “Yeah, baby.”

Josie was dipping her chicken nuggets in her Szechuan Sauce, occupied with the cassette tape she was listening to. You could take her almost anywhere, so long as she had something to listen to.

Javier was already working on you about the Gameboy Color that was supposedly coming out around his birthday. He’d passed his Gameboy down to Josie — but she wasn't nearly as enthralled with it as he’d hoped. She liked her cassette tapes.

You finished your drink, rising to your feet and moving around the table to drape your arms over Javier’s shoulders, resting against his back. “Try not to pick up any women.”

Javier snorted, turning his head to kiss your cheek. “I’m only looking to pick you up, baby.”

You grinned at him as you brushed your fingers through his hair, “You know what the hot dad look does.”

“To you.”

“Nice save.” You laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before you pulled away.

“Will I be getting a show tonight?” He questioned, turning around as you took a few steps backwards.

“Maybe.” With a wink, you turned away from him and headed through the mall towards the lingerie store where you’d already bought a decent collection of intimates.

You were looking forward to tonight. With the busyness of summer, vacations, work, and balancing everything neither of you had had much of a chance to have an evening out with the Murphys.

Connie had been dying for a night out for the past couple weeks and everything finally aligned. Monica and Nadia had agreed to watch all four girls.

“Welcome! Can I help you find anything in particular?” The shopgirl questioned as you strolled into the store. “We have a sale on our V-String Panties.”

You snapped your fingers and laughed, “You know… I’m not into feeling like my underwear is riding up my ass all day. But I appreciate the aesthetic.”

She laughed brightly, “Well what are you looking for? Are you shopping for yourself or a special someone?”

“Well, I’m looking for my own personal comfort… But yes, I am shopping for something to entertain him.” You folded your arms across your chest, glancing around the store. “We’ve had success with everything else I’ve bought here.”

“Always happy to have a returning customer,” She offered with a smile. “If thongs aren’t your style, we have a very nice collection of lacey intimates in different cuts. Boyshort, hipster, and so forth.”

“Oh!” You hummed thoughtfully, “I suppose a boyshort cut would be nice. I’m planning on wearing this black dress of mine. It has a cute cherry print, spaghetti straps, and it lands about here.” You explained, gesturing to your mid-thigh.

“I have mad respect for you.” She told you as she guided you further into the store, towards a display of lacey underwear. “What about these?” She pointed to a pair of blue pair of lace underwear on the mannequin.

“Does it come in red?”

She bent down, pulling out the drawer beneath the display, “Here you are.”

“Thanks,” You ruffled through the drawer until you found a pair in your size. You could definitely see Javier enjoying these. Though, truth-be-told, he was easy to please.

“Now, if you’re wearing spaghetti straps, you’re going to need something strapless.” She tapped her finger against her chin, looking around the store thoughtfully. “Oh! I know. Come with me.”

You followed after the shopgirl, moving further towards the back of the store where there was a collection of bustiers on display. You made a mental note to return to purchase a few of the others on display — particularly a black lace up bustier that wouldn’t cover much. It had ribbons that were neatly placed directly over the breasts and not much else.

“I think this should go with the panties.” The girl said, holding up a cherry-red strapless bustier. “What do you think?”

“I’m in love.” You smiled, taking the bustier from her and holding it up in front of you. It was tasteful, entirely covered cups that would actually offer a little support, and the lace descended about mid-rib. “I’ll take both.”

“Great! I’ll ring you up.” She smiled.

You had a feeling that Javier was going to really enjoy the purchase.

——

“What is your secret?” Connie questioned, holding the little straw in her drink in place as she took a sip of her fruity cocktail.

You cocked your head to the side, “Which one?”

“How do you pull off this look?” She questioned, sweeping her hand over the length of your body. “Whenever I’ve attempted the mini dress look, I end up looking like a woman in her thirties who still thinks she’s a teen.”

“I just don’t give a fuck.” You admitted with a shrug. “You know how I dress at home. Sweatpants or shorts, paired with whatever tank top is clean. At work I’m rocking a power suit.” You picked up your rum runner, taking a drink. “So when we get out — I like showing a little skin.”

Your eyes wandered towards the back of the bar, where Javier and Steve were playing pool. They needed a little guy time.

“Javier likes it, doesn’t he?” Connie questioned, curling a lock of blond hair as she leaned her elbow against the table.

“Yeah,” You rolled your eyes. “But he also likes me in sweatpants.” You smoothed your hand over the skirt of your dress. “You should wear whatever you want to wear, Connie.”

“I do!” She assured you, gesturing to her own outfit. Connie rocked the mom jeans. “It’s just… Steve and I hit another dry spell and it’s driving me crazy.”

You frowned, “Shit. What happened?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted, taking another drink, before sitting it down. “And it’s not everything… we just haven’t had sex. At all. All summer.”

“Okay, but if it’s not everything…”

“It’s all the build up.” Connie explained. “That’s fine, that’s good. He’ll go down on me, but then seem like he’s not interested in actually having sex.”

You frowned, “Have you talked to him?”

“You know how he is. He’s as bad as Javier.” Connie chewed on her bottom lip. “Steve assured me that nothing’s wrong, he’s just not really in the mood.”

“Well, if he told you he isn’t in the mood that’s probably the case.” You told her, circling your thumb around the rim of your glass.

“My mother got me paranoid that there’s someone else.”

“Well, your mother should shut the fuck up.” You said bluntly. “If there’s one thing I know about Murphy, it’s that he’d bend heaven and hell to keep you in his life.”

“I just thought… maybe if I dressed more like you do.” She gestured to your outfit again. “Javier can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you.”

“We both have very different relationships.” You sat up a little straighter. Well, now you knew why Connie had been dying for a night out. She was always more comfortable having these discussions after a couple drinks.

“I know. But I want what you have. I want that passion.” Connie sighed heavily. “I just don’t understand it. Everything is so good and then he just shuts down.”

“Okay.” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek. “What happens after things die down? He gets you off and then what?”

“He usually says something about not really being in the mood. He’ll kiss me for a little while longer and then we’ll go to bed or get up for the day.” She frowned, “I wish I hadn’t told my mom. She’s had me stressing about this since June.”

“Have you tried making an evening of it?” You questioned, your brows drawn together. “He might be genuinely stressed with everything that’s been changing in your lives. He quit the DEA after like fifteen years.”

“We’ve been so busy this summer.”

“Then that is your problem.” You took another sip of your drink. “You’ve both been busy. I mean, at least he’s been trying to meet your needs.” You pointed out. “Props to Murph.”

Connie dragged her fingers through her hair, laughing nervously. “And what if that’s not the problem?”

“Then you talk to him.” You told her, “And maybe go see Nancy. She helped Javier and I get over our own dry spell.”

“Go buy some sexy lingerie.” You told her, glancing around to make sure no one was watching the two of you. You flipped up the skirt of your dress, showing off your red lace covered hip.

“Oh my God!” Connie covered her mouth and laughed. “That’s gorgeous!”

You smirked at her, “I bet you Steve would lose his shit if you undressed and had on some sexy lingerie.”

“I definitely don’t have anything like that in my dresser.”

“But really, you should also talk to him.” You insisted, glancing back at where the guys were. They appeared to be having a similarly serious conversation. “I’m sure he’s got his own concerns.”

“I would love to prove my mother wrong.” Connie laughed quietly, shaking her head. “She’s never really liked Steve.”

“Didn’t she stay with you guys this summer? I wouldn’t be in the mood if my in-laws didn’t like me.”

Connie grimaced, “God, I’m glad I have you to talk me off the ledge.”

“You can always call me, Connie. Or meet up for coffee. You don’t have to drink to talk sex with me.” You shrugged a shoulder, taking another sip of your drink. “Why don’t we go check on the guys?”

“Okay.” Connie finished off her drink, pausing for a second, before she slid out of the booth and followed you towards the back of the bar.

“Having fun?” You questioned, taking a drink of your rum runner before sitting it on the ledge of the pool table, putting a little sway in your step as you approached Javier.

Javier slid his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side, “Steve’s still shit at pool.”

“Of course he is.” You snorted, shaking your head as you set your eyes on Steve. You watched him and Connie carefully, analyzing the way they interacted with each other. Same as they always had. You leaned up to whisper in Javi’s ear, “Please tell me Steve was asking you for advice too.”

His shoulders sagged with relief, “Yes. Connie too?”

You nodded, “I figured tonight was a motivated evening.”

Javier chuckled, “They’ll be fine.” He ran his hand over the small of your back, before his hand moved lower and he slipped it under the hem of your skirt, giving your ass a squeeze.

“Javi.” You laughed, pressing your face against his chest, snaking your arm around his waist. “Behave.”

“It’s been driving me crazy wondering what you have on under this.”

You smirked, “I think you’ll enjoy it.” You pulled away from him then, gesturing to the pool table. “Let’s get another round of drinks and play a game.”

Connie made a face, “I’m bad at this game sober.”

“That’s why it’s fun.”

“I’ll get the drinks.” Javier said, pressing a kiss to the back of your head before he headed for the bar.

You grabbed two cue sticks from the stand, passing one to Connie. “Good news.” You told her, “I think things are going to be just fine.”

“Really?” She smiled brightly.

“What are you ladies talking about?” Steve questioned, wrapping his arm around Connie as he swung the rack in his other hand.

“How badly team Peña is going to kick your ass.” You grinned triumphantly, taking the rack from him and moving back to the table to set up the balls.

“Team Peña? Did ya’ll get married and forget to tell us?” Steve teased.

“And we had a secret son and named him Stephen Murphy. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” You deadpanned.

Javier returned with the drinks, “What did I just walk in on?” He questioned, passing you your drink.

“I was telling Steve about our secret son.”

“Oh, right.” Javier took a sip of his whiskey. “Stephen Murphy.”

Steve looked between the two of you, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Javier questioned.

“Just know what the other was doing?”

You shrugged, tilting your head to look at Javier. “I chalk it up to eleven years of healthy banter. We’re on the same wavelength.” You bumped your hip against his, before you took a sip.

“Let me guess,” Javier scratched at the back of his neck. “Some shit about our secret marriage?”

Connie laughed, “Oh. My. God.”

You grinned, “Yep!”

“Figured.” He sat his glass down on the pool table, moving to grab his discarded cue stick. “We playing?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Steve answered, exchanging a look with Connie.

You and Javier absolutely killed the Murphy’s at pool. Three rounds in and you were still the victors. Nailing pocket after pocket with ease.

“I’m starting to think you’re cheating.” Steve remarked, looking between the two of you.

“You can’t cheat at pool, bud.” You quipped, blowing off the extra blue chalk on the tip of Javier’s cue stick. “At least not easily.”

Javier’s hand found its way under the hem of your dress again, giving your ass a playful squeeze. He was making it increasingly difficult to focus on the game. Not that you weren’t intentionally bending over to show off the hint of lace that laid beneath your skirt.

You shot him a look, only to be met with a suggestive raise of his brows.

“Why don’t you buy us another round of drinks.” You suggested, “You know… losers buy drinks.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Javier grinned, curling his arm around your waist. “Come on, Murphy. Don’t act surprised.”

“I’m not. That’s the sad part.” He turned towards Connie, “You want another drink, sweetheart?”

“I’d like that.” She smiled hopefully, “And… maybe we could dance.”

Steve nodded slowly, “That sounds nice.”

“Come on,” You said, taking Javier’s hand into yours. “They need some alone time, anyway.”

“Yeah, they’ve got some shit to work out.” Javier agreed, following after you through the crowd, back to the hallway that led to the bathroom.

One of the bathrooms was occupied, but upon trying the second door knob you found it unlocked and empty.

“I had this whole plan of showing off the lingerie when we got home.” You told him, watching as he locked the door behind him. “I guess I should’ve known we wouldn’t be able to control ourselves.”

Javier arched a brow at you, “What did you think was gonna happen, baby? You wear this dress and spend all night bending over…” He crowded close to you, his hands sliding up your outer thighs, until he curled his hands around your hips. “Your ass looks divine.”

“You think my ass looks divine in sweatpants.” You poked him in the chest, before you slid your hand up to curl around the back of his neck.

“Maybe I just like your ass,” Javier’s hand slid around, giving your asscheek a squeeze before he swiftly smacked it. You were just this side of tipsy and entirely unable to control the yelp that escaped you.

“It’s a pretty good ass.” You laughed, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Hmm?”

You lowered your voice, leaning in close to him. “I like your ass too.”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh, fuck off.’

You laughed, sliding both of your arms over his shoulders as you pressed close to him. “It’s the truth.” You grinned, leaning up to kiss him.

Javier’s tongue invaded your mouth, sliding over your tongue, before sweeping over the roof of your mouth. You chased after his lips as he drew back, his gaze dark with desire as he met yours. “Turn around, baby.”

You didn’t even hesitate, turning around to face your reflection in the mirror. You glanced over your shoulder, watching as Javier worked the zipped down your spine, revealing bare skin and the cherry-red bustier that stood out against your skin.

“Look at you.” Javier drawled out, peeling the thin fabric of your dress down your torso. He held your gaze in the mirror as you leaned back against his chest. “Fuck.”

“I thought you’d like it.” You remarked, tilting your head back to kiss his jaw. Javier was transfixed on your reflection and you watched the way his hand trailed over your ribs, tracing the lacey lines of the fabric that was wrapped around you.

“I fucking love it.” He told you, his hands sliding downwards, pushing your dress down your hips to reveal the red lace covering your there. “You were gonna make me wait until we got back home to show me this, baby?”

You nodded, reaching behind you to curl your fingers around the back of his head, playing with his hair. “Had to make you work for it.” You pointedly ground your ass back against him, smirking as you felt his stiffened cock. “Baby, did you bring your cue stick in here?”

Javier chuckled, the sound turning into a soft growl as he pressed his mouth into the crook of your neck. “So fucking mouthy. I should put that mouth to use.” He drawled out, cupping your jaw as he held your gaze in the mirror. He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, watching as your tongue darted out to tease it.

“You could…” You arched a brow at him. “But I think you want more than that.” You rocked back against him, “Don’t you, Javi?”

Javier’s lips found your ear, his breath hot against your skin as he kissed you there, before dragging his mouth back down your neck. “You’re right, baby. You can’t wear this shit and not expect me to want to fuck you.”

You inhaled sharply as he roughly grabbed at your hips, holding you steady as he took a step backwards. You watched him in the mirror as his eyes raked over you. “Like something you see?” You teased, swaying your hips from side-to-side.

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of the lace, dragging them down your hips. “I like everything I see.” Javier told you, crowding close to you again. He worked his hand in between you and the bathroom sink, his fingers slipping between your thighs.

You bit down on your bottom lip, rocking back against his covered cock as his fingers cupped your cunt. “Feel that?”

“Fuck. Baby, you’re soaking wet.” He said as he dragged his finger between your slick folds. “Goddamn it.”

“Well someone kept eyefucking me during pool. I’m sorry.” You shot back with a wicked smirk as you met his gaze in the mirror. “What’s a girl to do?”

Javier abandoned his teasing, his hands moving to unzip his jeans, shoving them and his boxers down his hips. “Indeed.”

You let him maneuver you into position, arching your back as you widened your stance, knuckles going white as you clenched at the edge of the sink for support. There was very little foreplay in these scenarios. And you loved it.

The haste, the need, the desperation.

You cried out — thankful that the bar was noisy and crowded and no one would care if someone was getting fucked in the bathroom. His cock filled you completely, buried within you from root to tip.

“Watch yourself, baby.” He told you, rocking his hips forward roughly, urging you to open your eyes and watch as he fucked you. “Wish you could see just how good you look on my cock.” He told you, fingers winding into your hair as he held fast to you and fucked you.

You moaned, grabbing onto the faucet as you lurched forward. “Javier.” You hissed out through clenched teeth as he kept repeatedly driving into that sweet spot within you. His cock hitting the deepest spots that had you seeing stars.

Javier’s fingers curled loosely around your throat, pulling you back against his chest so you only had his arm to cling to for support as he rocked into you, burying the full length of his cock into you with every thrust. You were lost to the pleasure of it all.

Even the way your nipples pebbled beneath the lace, the way his arm kept rubbing over them as he kept his hand securely wrapped around your throat. It was all overwhelming.

“Want you to come for me.” Javier urged, his lips close to your ear as he spoke. “I want you to come for me, baby. Come on my cock.”

Your body clenched in response to his words, your cunt tightening like a vice around his cock as he kept slamming into you. You were right on the cusp, teetering right on the edge. You could feel it throbbing deep within you, your release ready to wash through you.

“That’s it, baby.” Javier rasped out, “Want you to come for me so I can fill that pretty little pussy of yours.” He reached downwards, his fingers seeking out that little bundle of nerves just above where his cock was driving into you. “Love knowing I’m dripping out of you.”

Your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave. You cried out, the sound muffled by his hand as he wrapped it around your mouth. Your body clenched around him, but still he didn’t stop thrusting into you until he found his own release. Your cunt milked it from him, inner walls pulsing around his cock as he spilled into you.

And only then did he slow down his pace, hips rolling languidly as he guided you both through the afterglow of your releases. Your legs shook from exhaustion as Javier pulled out of you, quick to pull the lacey red underwear back up your thighs. Putting them back into place.

“Holy shit.” You panted out, hand to your chest as you felt your thundering heartbeat beneath your palm. “Why is bathroom sex… so good?”

“Wish I knew.” He chuckled lowly as he tucked his cock back into his boxers and zipping his jeans closed once more. It was unfair how easily he could look composed and you felt like you looked thoroughly fucked. Mostly because you had been. Your inner walls were still fluttering in response to just how thoroughly he’d fucked you.

Javier arched a brow at your reflection, “You good, baby?”

You nodded your head slowly, “A little out of breath.” You admitted, pulling your dress back up your body. “Do you mind?”

He stepped towards you, pulling your zipper up your back as he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck. “I like the lingerie.” He remarked, resting his hands at your hips as he propped his chin up on your shoulder — meeting your gaze in the mirror.

You bit down on your bottom lip, laughing softly as you sank back against him with a sigh. “I’m glad.” You reached behind you, stroking his cheek lovingly. “I love you.”

He grinned at you as he curled an arm around your waist, keeping you pressed close to him. “I love you too.” Javier pressed his lips to your cheek. “We should get back out there.”

“Like they don’t know where we went.” You snorted, turning around in his embrace so you could lean up to kiss him. “Is everything okay with Steve?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “I love our pillow talk.” He deadpanned, giving your hip a squeeze. “Yeah, he’s good. He’s just working through some shit.”

“Well, Connie’s mother thinks he’s cheating on her.”

He narrowed his eyes, “Connie’s mother is part of the problem.”

“I told her to talk to him.”

“Good.” Javier shrugged his shoulders. “I told him the same shit. I reamed him out for letting it go on as long as he has.”

“They’ll be okay though, right?”

“If they talk. Yeah.” He nodded. “Never thought we’d be the ones giving relationship advice.”

“Oh how the tables have turned.” You laughed, checking your reflection in the mirror before you moved towards the bathroom door. “Personally, I think Connie’s jealous that they don’t have this—” You gestured in between the two of them. “But they’re both very…”

“Vanilla?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll be proud.” Javier told you, slipping his hand into yours. “I told him they should experiment.” Your brows shot upwards. “Don’t get too excited. I just told him they should mix it up.”

You grinned at him, “Well that’s something. I told Connie to buy some sexy clothes.”

“Hopefully they work things out,” He squeezed your hand tightly as you headed back out into the main area of the bar.

You scanned the crowd, spotting Connie and Steve slow dancing to some sappy song with the rest of the couples on the dance floor. They seemed to be having a good time. And as much fun as it was to hangout with them — they needed alone time.

“I’m gonna go close out the tab,” You told Javier as you turned towards him.

“Yeah.” Javier nodded, releasing his hold on your hand and running his fingers down your spine. “Works for me, baby. I’ll be at the table.”

You headed over to the bar, flagging down the bartender to close out your tab.

“Here you go.” The bartender said as he sat a drink down in front of you.

“I’m actually closing out my tab.” You explained.

“I know,” He shrugged, passing you your receipt.

“Okay.” Your brows furrowed, following the bartender’s line of sight as a younger man approached you, settling at the bar beside you.

Of course.

“Hey there pretty thing,” The man leered, his eyes raking over your body, before meeting your eyes with a toothy grin. “Saw you playing pool over there,” He leaned a little too close to you on the bar, but you didn’t flinch.

You weren’t about to give him the satisfaction of unnerving you. “Yeah?” You raised your brows with an unamused expression.

“Can’t help but thinking you could do better.” He continued, “Didn’t seem like he appreciated the way you blew on his cue stick.”

You snorted, “Wow.”

“Just speaking the truth,” The younger man remarked, eyes flickering over you again. “I bet I could give you what you really need.”

“See,” You tossed your hair over your shoulder, “Everything you just said was wrong.” You popped the cherry from the drink into your mouth. “Cause I doubt your pencil dick could fuck me like my partner just did in the bathroom.”

He looked flummoxed by that.

You patted him on the shoulder, “Thanks for the drink. Make sure you get home before your curfew. Would hate for your mommy to worry.” And with that you headed towards Javier, sliding into the booth beside him.

“Free drink?”

You grinned at him, “It really pained me to turn down the offer of sexual favors that came with it.”

Javier curled his hand around your leg, “Really?”

“Didn’t seem right given what we just did.” You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip, keeping your eyes on his face.

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as you felt Javier’s hand curl around your inner thigh beneath your skirt. He slid his hand up higher, until his thumb dragged over your sensitive folds through the damp lace that was soaked with his come.

“We should go home.” You whispered, closing the distance so you could kiss him. “So I can give you the full show.” You added as you pulled back, meeting his gaze.

“I love the way you think, baby.” Javier grinned, brushing his nose against yours. “C’mon.”

#javier pena #javier pena x reader #pedro pascal x reader

157 notes · View notes

xnchxntmxnt · 3 years

Note

Hi Spencer!! Ahhh I hope you’ve reached 200 by the time you get this! It’s been so amazing watching you grow and your works have brought lots of comfiness into my life 🥰 thank you so much for creating and writing and making one of the most aesthetic blogs I’ve ever seen (hehe love the constellation aesthetic) sending lots of positive vibes and appreciation your way 💕

For the matchup event (ahh it’s my first time ever doing one and I hope I didn’t put too much 😱) thank you in advance 💖

Name: eggu

Pronouns: she/her

Preferred partner: open to anyone

MBTI: INFJ

Horoscope: Aquarius

Aesthetic: light academia, soft, oversized sweaters, korean street wear, fandom merch, white and pastels, 4:00 am talks about life, stars and clouds

Some things about me:

I took piano, dance and martial arts lessons growing up and I still enjoy playing piano a lot

I enjoy playing video games on my spare time (I’m currently selling my soul to genshin impact)

I really love music of all genres but I’m currently really into kpop and khiphop (my favourite artists are seventeen and stray kids)

I really like naps and sleeping in general and prefer it over eating — I would say I have pretty low energy in general

I like desserts, pastries and dim sum

I recently got into watching art streams, journaling and collecting cute stationery

I’ve pretty much been a huge geek/fangirl all my life and have loved reading and animation since I can remember

I just finished watching jujutsu kaisen and am currently watching fruits basket (lol I enjoy both extreme shounen and fluffy shoujo)

I’m human and have lots of insecurities but I’m learning

Ideal traits in a partner:

Able to appreciate the quiet moments

I’m not a super physical person, but it would be nice to be physically close to someone I trust and that respects my boundaries

Trustworthy — didn’t have a great past relationship 😞

Isn’t afraid to keep up with banter and has witty remarks... someone that can keep me on my toes

Is driven in something they love

willing to learn and grow alongside me

@eggutartu

Thank you so so so much!! 💕💕💕 i worked really hard on the aesthetic so I’m glad you like it and I’m glad you like what I write! If you ever have ideas, don’t be afraid to share!

Anyway, onto the notes & matchup (I was really proud of this one 😁😁😁)

WHEN I TELL YOU I IMMEDIATELY HAD AN IDEA, I I M M E D I A T E L Y HAD AN IDEA. I was so proud of myself when i got this lol cause I saw your entry when I woke up, barely skimmed it, and said…

TSUKISHIMA KEI

✧ 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡 ✧

Okay okay hear me out

Hot topic (or something similar but I’m American so hot topic)

He was looking to get something for Yamaguchi’s birthday & maybe something for himself because don’t tell me Tsukishima Kei isn’t into anime I know he is

Probably shonen but still

Anyway

You were both reaching for the same thing (yes I’m using THAT trope)

Fortunately for you, there was more than one keychain but still

He was about to get low key defensive like “hey watch it” y’know like

Was in a v short mood

But the second he got the word “hey” out he turned to look at you and just

Froze

And got all embarrassed because look at this beautiful girl he’s standing net to shit he was just cursing you out in his brain

So he’s staring at you with wide eyes and you’re like “oh I’m sorry--you like JJK too? That’s cool”

And he’s stuttering Tsukishima Kei is flustered, everybody

So he’s like “uh yeah kinda I guess I don’t really talk about it a lot cause my friend isn’t into it”

“Well I mean if you ever wanna talk about it we can”

“Really?”

“Yeah, gimme your phone I’ll give you my number. If that’s chill”

“Sure, I guess, yeah”

Akiteru was home that day and hadn’t seen his brother smile this much since he was a kid

Any time he asked though Kei just got all huffy and went to his room

✧ 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠 ✧

U two make playlists for each other on a regular basis (Spotify playlists w collaboration turned on are your best friend)

They're always killer and hit a little too hard

When you tell him you have a new favorite song, he listens to it on repeat until he knows all the lyrics and can pick on you for saying the wrong lyrics if you ever do

Also because it reminds him of you

He loves that he can be himself around you

Really he does

Like that’s one of his favorite things

He doesn’t have to hide any of his hobbies or really anything about him really and he appreciates it so much

It took a while to get there with him, but once he trusted you 100%, he realized he was in love with you

Love and trust are the same things to him (or at least similar) so he knew he loved you when he realized he really could be himself with you around and probably told you as such

He’s not one to push your boundaries, but just had to tell you so it was probably a text like

“Look I don’t expect you to say this back if you’re not ready for that yet, but you’re so amazing--I need to be honest. I’ve done nothing but stare at the ceiling for an hour and think and just realized how in love with you I am. I really am. Take that as you will.”

And then just straight up DIDN’T ANSWER UNTIL 2 AM THAT NIGHT LIKE “sorry I was at Yamaguchi's” LIKE BRO JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT DAMN

Needless to say, he WAS at Yamaguchi's and left his phone at home but it was because he was too afraid of what you’d say

He got home at 11

He just procrastinated for three hours until he finally answered you back

And when you told him you loved him too, his heart SOARED he proceeded to call yams and squeal like a seven-year-old girl for a half hour

If ur shorter than him he uses your head as an armrest, no exceptions

He does it if you're taller than him too he just goes up on his toes to do it

Anyway

Can and will pick on you for everything

It’s the way he shows his love alright

Cute stationery? It’s tacky and “why do you have this it’s irritatingly adorable”

“You’re irritatingly adorable”

“I’m not adorable”

“Yes you are Tsukki"

Lets you call him Tsukki until you can call him Kei

You have to have a thick skin with him because sometimes it’s hard to tell when he’s being sarcastic or not

If he ever did make you cry or genuinely upset though, he’d tear himself to pieces about it for hours and be completely unresponsive to his phone if you text him because he thinks you hate him

When he finally texts you back he’ll never admit how upset he is, but he will apologize for making you upset

It’s really hard to do emotions with this dude but you try to manage

If you can figure out how to make him talk about his problems “let’s talk about Akiteru” “no”? Yamaguchi will love you forever

You get the best friend approval anyway but you get an extra gold star if you can get him to open up more

Oh and you totally like to show up at games or practice and everyone including Ukai and Takeda love you for it because he tries a little harder so he doesn’t look bad in front of you

It’s like a switch he goes from like 5% to 70% effort but that’s the best he’s giving until it’s game time then he’ll crank it to 100%

✧ 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎 ✧

Okay okay but but but but but

Anime dates

Like once a week you two sit and watch anime over discord or smth

You don’t usually talk much but it’s nice to be in each others’ presence

Or close to that

When you can get together it’s that much better

You trade off whose house you’re at every other week, and whoever's visiting picks up snacks on the way

You’ll watch tv, make fun of the characters together, roll your eyes at the sappy moments but lean over to kiss Tsukki anyway

It’s overall a very wholesome scene

But there will be times when he is stressed and tired for whatever reason and he’ll fall asleep

Sometimes he’ll be curled into a little ball on his side of the couch

Sometimes he’ll slouch his head against your shoulder with his arm around your waist

Sometimes he’ll pause the show and pull you down against him and just lay with you for a while

Not even watch tv just

Be happy in each others’ presence

He’ll fall asleep from time to time and you take his glasses off for him

He looks so soft when he’s sleeping and not glaring at people

✧ 𝑍𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑐 𝐼𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 ✧

Libras, while they may not exactly say it, are romantics. They enjoy little things about romance, however modern, like spontaneous dates and flowers. They initiate clever ideas and Aquariuses are good at adding a different perspective, so prepare for in-depth conversations. On the other hand, Aquariuses tend to be trendsetters, which Libras support wholeheartedly.

✧ 𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐 ✧

✧ 𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ✧

my boy - Billie Eilish

Hug - SEVENTEEN

King of the Clouds - Panic! At The Disco

She’s In The Rain - The Rose

I Can’t Handle Change - Roar

Runners up: Sugawara Koushi, Akaashi Keiji

#✔︎ — announcements #ꕥspenceranswers

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caeloservare · 3 years

Text

1ST RULE: Tag the muses you would like to know better. 2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true for your muse.

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well //lmao

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship //verse dependendent

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together //sorta? they’re dead together, now whole family to be exact :v

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CDs records and 8-tracks

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have break-danced

I know a person named Jamie //...I hope Spike didn’t think what I think he did. James will tear him apart if he gets called ‘Jamie’ XD (unless he thinks Jamie Linn, that’s fine, Jimbo’s just prickly as usual)

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail //oh yeah, he put them there-

I have broken a bone //both own and someone else’s

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

tagged by: @swimmingbxrd ty <3 tagging:

#... okay wtf did I type there #eh #Imma leave it looks funny #oh. look what i found in my drafts. it waited a bit for posting o_O

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inventors-fair · 4 years

Text

Three Cheese Commentary: An exercise in utility

I really shouldn’t complain about contests being popular with people.

Still, what a way for the year’s contests to start. A heckuva lot of entries for a very hard prompt makes me feel good, in an odd way. I have a hypothesis that the clarity of directions and the examples provided were enough to make it feel as though there was a low barrier to entry. It’s interesting and kind of my fault that a lot of mythic legendary creatures found their way in. Ah well. Lessons learned.

If you’re reading this, I want to give you a little hint: we love hard decisions. If your cards really are brilliant, if you do your best to improve with each and every entry, if you listen to the commentary and submit the best possible card, then our jobs as judges would be nail-bitingly hard. And I love that. I love having to sigh wistfully and move a card from “winners” to “runners-up.” I love praising cards that contest for coolness in their spaces. In short: you don’t have to listen to us specifically because, well, we’re not professionals, but if you tweak the tweaks and polish on your polish, then—well, the goal is that you grow as designers and in your understanding of the game. And that you’ll have fun along the way.

For every card, I’m going to converse with the intent, talk about where improvements can be made and what might have gone wrong, and then go through wording nitpicks (another part of what makes cards hard, heh. You gotta do design AND cost AND flavor without committee). Cards with JUDGE PICK are personal favorites that for whatever reason either didn’t meet the criteria for winners or just tickled my fancy despite being some kind of not-there-in-certain-ways. Or maybe they just got pushed out of runners-up because of space. See? Hard decisions.

Let’s talk about some cards:

@aethernalstars — Anurid Matriarch

Intent: The Matriarch feels like a casual build-around-me keyword card with some connection to the Anurids of Dominaria. There are only two frogs with reach (and none with first strike) to date but this isn’t supposed to be a tribal card, is it. Not like that, anyway. Giving keywords those ups makes sense. Token generation is pretty solidly GW, giving them flying is WU, sure. First strike to double feels distinctly white. I imagine this card as a casual build-around-me or a token generator. Five mana for a 1/1 token ain’t bad.

Improvement: I have no idea what this card really wants to be. First strike doesn’t see anything outside of white, and reach doesn’t see much inside white. Or blue, for that matter. The flying makes sense for blue but this whole card doesn’t feel cohesive in terms of colors or identity. I did my Anurid research and I don’t see any precedent for this. Frog beasts are cool but… Well, this card answers the question of “why” with “just because.” I don’t fully understand the niche it’s trying to fill or the environment in which it wants to exist. If you’re gonna make a Frog build-around-me, lean into that. If you’re gonna make a keyword tribal card, focus on just one. If you want to make it color-balanced, look at what everything could do together for a flavorful feel.

Nitpicks: Flying comes before double strike.

Amarinthe — Rashmi, Enlivened Artificer

Intent: Temur has a pseudo-foothold in Kaladesh mechanically, so I’m not surprised that Rashmi’s here doing her thing. Giving your cards Jump-start is interesting, as UR has a sort of flashback mechanic, plus the lands from the graveyard work into green quite well. What I really like is the way that the Crucible effect interacts with jump-start. That’s pretty cool design chops. I can see this in a supplemental Commander sphere or even as a Standard mythic for a three-color archetype. It doesn’t seem exceptionally broken on either front. From a purely mechanical perspective, I think you made an awesome card.

Improvement: This card perhaps feels RUG, but it 100% doesn’t feel like Rashmi or a druid. Elves can be artificers on Kaladesh, and that’s not an issue, but you call her an artificer, you type her as a druid (which yes, was her original type when she was more druidic), and you give her a primary ability that’s got basically nothing to do with artifacts or druidic principles. The lands work great with the druid part, but the flavor could be sorted out. I would take out “jump-start” as a keyword and just work in the wording “you may cast from your graveyard” etc., make a new character, and flavor them appropriately. The flavor text should complement the mechanics; as it is, I’m not certain.

Nitpicks: “jump-start” should be lowercase, but it doesn’t really matter if you do end up taking it out.

@arashisann — Yurlok’s Conflux

Intent: With Yurlok being a new commander hotness, I can see the intent of this card as a Jundian standard/supplemental addendum. The lava flow makes mountains, then the second ability...represents something predatory? And the last is Jund destruction. The R>B>G makes sense there.

Improvement: I don’t know if this card is necessary salvageable as-is; you might be better off making two or three separate cards if you want to show this character. When making a saga, you have to tell a story in a limited form, and it’s hard, absolutely! You represented the lava flow in the first ability quite well, and I do like that a lot. The creature and artifact sacrifice isn’t indicative of anything that I can follow story-wise. Reading the wiki I understand the way that you might want to represent the Thrash dying or Esper being invaded. I don’t believe this is the way to do it. With the very last sentence not doing anything when you’re sacrificing anyway, I don’t believe the best card for you is a saga at all. How could you tell this in an instant or sorcery card, perhaps? The moment that Yurlok comes over the Esper border?

Nitpicks: “non-Mountain;” the land type should be capitalized in both parts, see Quicksilver Fountain. The ability should also be one word. As I mentioned, removing the counters doesn’t do anything mechanically because it’s sacrificed after resolution. Check the MSE Discord if you want to get your text fixed, BTW. I know how frustrating that can be.

@askkrenko — Etherium Restoration

Intent: You know, even without Ed being there, I’m getting a Bruna-ish feel. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just that UW expensive returning stuff kinda has those associations. The fact that the creature is being restored with etherium though is pretty awesome, and you know what, that alone (the return plus the re-artifacting) is a great way to convey what Esper does and wants to do.

Improvement: The aura and equipment stuff doesn’t grab me, honestly. What do auras have to do with Esper? And the only equipment that I could find that fit was Mask of Riddles. So I’m going to stop here because the obvious answer is that you’re exploring new story design space for what Esper might be. I respect that. With the information we have now, it’s middle-of-the-road. My vote would be to make this (3)(B/W)(U) and make an argument for UW reanimation to artifice overall, then completely drop the aura/equipment part. Plus, gotta say, I know the flavor text is a pop culture thing but you’re messin’ with my favorite plane! Show some respect! /j

Nitpicks: If you do keep that second part, “Aura” and “Equipment” should be capitalized.

@bread-into-toast — Krofor, Corpse Hauler

Intent: It’s a nightmare insect? I’m down. Even without that particular piece of art I can see how people might be afraid of a giant bug. This is pretty evidently a Commander-geared card although I can see how casual brewers might want to throw it down in a combo match and do some graveyard hate. GW graveyard exile and black ability scavaging is pretty cool, so I can see where your intent was with that. Good catch putting “Nightmare” first, too. I almost suggested mixing it around. I like how aggressive this card can be.

Improvement: Firstly, Corpse Hauler is literally another card which already had a self-evident mechanical ability to get creatures back to the hand. Even if it’s an homage, I would distinguish it; besides, it’s not so much “hauling” corpses as it is eating them. Presumably. “All abilities” is a bit of a slippery slope, too. Activated abilities is one thing, but all abilities whatsoever? I’m uncertain if that’s design space you want to tap into, but don’t pull the trigger. My main issue is that you have the activated ability cost “X and W, B or G.” I understand what you were trying to do but that that point you might as well just have it be “1X.” There wouldn’t be anything stopping you from making that mana already. In short, rectify the name to fit flavor, change the ability cost, and be wary of weird interactions with abilities.

Nitpicks: “Lifelink” and “Vigilance” should be lowercase ‘l’ and ‘v’ respectively. The X in the rules text of the activated ability should also be spelled out and not a mana symbol. You can change this in MSE by highlighting, then going to the star next to the bold/italic toggle and turning it off.

@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion — Sevala, Exiled Naturalist

Intent: I read up on what happened with Selvala after the events of the first Conspiracy set, and I see how you set off to mimic that, but then I saw the note about the Timeshifting, and yeah, I guess that works.. The green landfall, the red flashback and the white Path come across well. I suppose this is more of an eternal-themed card, although I could be wrong.

Improvement: Yeah, technically there’s nothing stopping you from having a noncreature card as a partnerable card. I’m trying to be diplomatic about the implications, though. Okay. So Selvala’s white aspect was introduced in the first Conspiracy set as she was heavily connected to the citizens of Paliano and worked as a community diplomat against the establishment. She forged a stronger connection to nature and thus became more green in her overhaul of the city. Path to Exile is not in her wheelhouse. She does not exile; she parlays, communes with creatures, seeks out new futures. What exiling magic does she have? What judgement? It doesn’t exist in her character, nor does the redness. Frankly landfall doesn’t really fit her character as well. The point is that even if a character could have a partner that’s a concept (which is antithetical to the mechanic as a whole), the spell you have chosen contrasts with Selvala instead of complementing her. And what does she have to do with flashback anyway? To improve this card, completely restart the conceptual process.

Nitpicks: The character’s name is misspelled.

@deafeningsandwichpeach — Ilharg, the Craze-Boar

Intent: Ha, I get it. I’m going to go out on a huge limb here, because I mean as much as I like all of this I get the feeling that either the name or art came before the full concept. Nothing wrong with that, because ultimately the card is good. SO. Either this is designed for a Timeshifted set where something really awful happens to our poor Boar God, or, well, something really bad DID happen to him somehow. I’m not sure what the land return represents flavorfully but it’s fine mechanically. The creature return as well is BR and I’m down for that, strong as it is. This card evokes the colors in a way that makes it slightly different than Jund; maybe it’s the art but I’m getting Innistrad vibes from him, the madness returning, the pain going on inside his head. It’s neat. Again, massive stretch though, let’s be real.

Improvement: And with that in mind, I wouldn’t have made him Ilharg. Honestly, this should’ve been a new character, and I would have been a lot more generous. I don’t really get what Ilharg as a whole even in an alternate timeline has to do with lands returning considering that he’s a big ol’ nasty city destroyer. Mechanically, this card needs to cost like EIGHT mana. The card you return from your graveyard to the battlefield stays there, and with a big enough graveyard you don’t have to worry about getting things from your hand anymore. Turns 1-4 dump all your creatures, turn five get the best of them if not earlier? Pretty busted in any format. For eight mana I wouldn’t complain.

Nitpicks: “up to two land cards,” not “lands.” Question: why isn’t he a God?

@deg99 — Radiant Return (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Black reanimation, white attachment, red hastiness. All the colors are definitely there! There’s something Mardu-not-Mardu about this RWB card, and I think I like it. I could see it as a standard card, definitely, or as a commander staple for a really interesting commander. I’m honestly not sure exactly what kind of deck would really appreciate this card right now! Keskit/Akiri? The Auras part is a little more interesting. Ardenn/Vial...Smasher? The fact that it defies current archetypes but still makes sense is very cool to me. I also wonder what a standard expansion in which RWB auraquipment is an archetype would look like now.

Improvement: A little flavor text could make this work one degree better. It’s really on me that you went into the future with this card, isn’t it. There’s no major improvement to be made besides that. Consider contextualizing for future contests, perhaps? When necessary, anyway.

Nitpicks: “Return target...to the battlefield, then attach any number of Auras and/or Equipment you control to it...etc.” Don’t need the trigger.

@demimonde-semigoddess — Seaglide Whaler

Intent: A pirate’s life for me! So we got an aggressive tempo-y pirate person with a decent couple of sharpshooter abilities. Blue sirens are certainly reasonable, as are Grixis pirates. I like the notion that it has to attack to “survey” and then take whatever shots it makes. I don’t think Ixalan could have had this card but honestly the future is a place where anything could happen.

Improvement: The problem with these colors is that in practical terms, the second mode is strictly black and yet can be played in an Izzet deck. Hybrid is a weird mistress. As much as these abilities might neatly tie into the three colors, hybrid makes deck construction nearly impossible. You can have a pinger in UB or a Fatal Blow in UR, both of which are either severe bends or breaks. Making this a straight UBR 3/1 flier could have been okay, perhaps, or having on-color activations, but as it is now, hybrid makes things hard. Consider looking at a Venn diagram between UB and UR to consider more appropriate abilities?

Nitpicks: Kathari Bomber implies the second mode to be “...damage this turn and sacrifice Seaglide Whaler.”

@dimestoretajic — The Dark Tendril

Intent: Sultai skulk-lord could be a fun card to open and build around in limited, and a BUG defender-y deck could have some fun application. I like how you’ve made the new character and sort of done another take on treefolk.

Improvement: For this contest, I don’t feel a strong color balance in this card. Skulk was a weird black/blue centered mechanic, sure, and green assigns the toughness, but… This feels like it’s trying to make skulk look cool rather than address the issue that skulk was just plain not a good mechanic. I get where the color weight is supposed to be but the whole thing is shadowed by that underlying desire. If this card had just been “Creatures you control can’t be blocked by creatures with greater power” and the other stuff, on a name/type that was more resonant, then I think it could have been a stronger contender. I don’t understand the world in which “The Dark Tendril” lives. I don’t understand why it’s a treefolk. I would get rid of naming skulk, make the type more apparent, and give the character some character.

Nitpicks: Three-colored cards really should have a gold border, not a hybrid one. Also, promo frames tend not to have flavor text (with exceptions for cards with no rules text like Memnite).

@driftingthruthecosmos — Ulti, Sudden Conjurer

Intent: I like that triggered ability because it’s got some smooth flow over it. GU has its flash aspect, but black also likes destructive instants, and then the Disentomb-effect fits nicely into a payoff that feels black for sure. I also like how you’re using the three colors to push the card into a really neat 3/3 aggressive creature. Flash and deathtouch literally only show up together in these three colors but not together—and here you are changing that on a powerful legend!

Improvement: But the fact that she can only return creatures with flash is kind of a bummer. Sure there are plenty of cards that could work with her, and having some Ambush Viper casual tribal wouldn’t be too bad, but it’s still limiting. I would have implied that she works with flash, or let players work with flash, without being so specific about it, and I feel that the card would be improved with implied flash tribal over explicit in this case. Additionally, what on earth is that last ability doing? Each end step, you have to sacrifice a creature or lose one of your potential targets for her trigger? I have the feeling that you may have been too cautious to push power levels here. If you want to limit her, have it be “Whenever you cast your first spell during each opponent’s turn…” or something, and axe that last part.

Nitpicks: “unless you sacrifice a nontoken creature.” Full stop, you can never sacrifice creatures you don’t control so adding “you control” is redundant.

@dumbellsndragons — Gorvax, Lich of the Horde

Intent: It’s a Mardu zombie orc wizard. At this point, you’re already doing something right for the Timmies out there. The first ability has Tainted Remedy plus some crazy draw after that, and oh man, it’s begging to be punishing. “I’m gonna Heliod’s Intervention you. Deck yourself. Runeflare Trap. Molten Psyche.” But also, that second ability? You can Bolt during an opponent’s turn and turn it into a one-red-mana Ancient Craving. For mythic, to build around? I honestly think that that’s perfectly fine. And insanely powerful.

Improvement: There’s weird stuff going on, but the hard part is that I don’t know if there’s things to improve. Giving your spells lifelink has Jeskai precedent, but it’s not NOT black. Doing a little digging, I can see that there are indeed zombies and even liches on Tarkir, but only in Sultai… But there’s no reason that the Mardu wouldn’t have them, right? Hm, maybe “Victory or Death” gets muddled here. Wizard, though, that’s a sticking point. And frankly, the whole “Lich” thing. I don’t see the lichiness in the abilities or the wizardry in the Mardu. You know what would be dumb fun? Ditching the Mardu aspect and making this WUBR. Wouldn’t fit the contest but what a friggin’ commander.

Nitpicks: None!

@emmypupcake — Knight of Summer’s Vigor

Intent: I was surprised to see that there are actually quite a few green Knights. It makes sense, of course, considering both Eldraine and Bant and Selesnya. So yeah, an elf knight who makes more knights? This is a powerful card with some crazy abilities if it gets out of control at all, but the color restrictions and the lack of substantial evasion ensure that it’s not busted out of the gate. The name’s pretty good, too! Oh, Knight of New Alara...

Improvement: For this contest, I don’t feel color blending as much. Tokens with GW and knights with R(W) are fine, yeah, but aside from that, the colors of the tokens and the general feeling of the card isn’t enough to really excite me. I do want to see a set in which this card could exist, perhaps, with multicolored knights and elves and whatnot. I don’t have any real improvements for this card; I just don’t think it stands out against some of the weirdness. Keep it around and add some flavor text. Consider: what would you like for this set to be? In what world would these knights exist? Why is summer important?

Nitpicks: “Whenever,” not “when.” See Pollenbright Wings

@evscfa1 — Estrid, the Unmasker

Intent: The Commander sets with shard Planeswalkers did give us a lot to work with but not a lot of extra stuff, so it makes sense that people might pick up on them for the contest. White auras, exile, and taxing all make sense mechanically. I feel that this is more standard than supplemental, a little weirdness for the way that the specific tokens and all would want to work. I don’t mind that part, honestly. Bringing Estrid back would be fine by me, even as monocolored.

Improvement: Because, well, this is a mono-white card. The +1 creates white Auras (that don’t do anything, so that’s an issue), the -2 is close to Generous Gift, and the -8 is an enchantment-oriented Hum of the Radix, like a twist between Sphere of Safety and Aura of Silence. None of these abilities feel anything but white. The emblem is arguably UW, but not by much. With Auras that don’t do anything and a color identity that doesn’t mechanically contribute to the card, I feel that you can either keep her and buff some of the abilities or try to make her feel more in line with the contest, which you don’t really have to do at this point. I’m also worried about the name and the ability tie-ins. Estrid doesn’t “unmask” at all, does she? She’s a mask user, not a revealer of truth or any of the things “unmasking” would imply. Why would she make a False Mask? Is this some alternate storyline? If so, I don’t really understand what changed, or why.

Nitpicks: “*Its controller” in the -2, “*get an emblem” in the -8.

@fractured-infinity — Rhythm of Death (rare)

Intent: Red (/black) gains first strike, black (/green) has deathtouch, green (/red kind of) has lure. Everything’s coming together in a kind of keyword soup, so that’s all well and good! In limited someone who opens this will be very, very happy to make people cry. In casual Commander, it’s sure to help make negotiations.

Improvement: In terms of this contest, yeah, this isn’t really buttering my radishes. It’s there, it’s pretty standard, and it makes sense. There are two cards that have first strike and deathtouch and four more that can gain it naturally and all but one are in those colors. And that wouldn’t be a problem if this card was presented differently. I’m ignoring the art for now because it’s actually distracting here. What is the “rhythm?” Is something being given the rhythm? What’s repeating, cycled, constant? What about a rhythm gives the creature these abilities? Change the name, flavor it up, get some text in there, and use blank art.

Nitpicks: “Enchant creature (lowercase) >> Enchanted creature has first strike and deathtouch, and must be blocked if able.” Take that with a grain of salt, though. Protective Bubble might have it say “Enchanted creature must be blocked if able and has first strike and deathtouch.” Or you can cut the middleman and make it two lines: “Enchanted creature has first strike and deathtouch. // Enchanted creature must be blocked if able.”

@gollumni — Exotic Wings

Intent: It’s interesting that we have two back-to-back “must be blocked” cards (hm, no shorthand?) in a row, both Auras no less, but very different. I like your flavor use with the wings being a status symbol, bright and glittery, and therefore turning the creature into irresistible prey of sorts. Aura colors are good, and the solid green effect is in there as well. The mechanics fit a pretty standard-ly powerful draft uncommon that can be used for beating down when necessary.

Improvement: I’m 90% sure that right now GW doesn’t get flying by itself anymore, or at least very rarely. Pollenbright Wings and Shield of the Oversoul exist, so I’m on the fence. Maybe I’m biased with recent printings, but for two mana I’m not sure it’s what GW would need. That said, I’m sure there’s dissent and arguments to be made, and yes, I know its full color identity includes blue; this is pragmatic. I think this could have been solidly WUG with another buff, perhaps, but that just would have made it favorable for this contest and honestly it’s up to playtesting to see if those colors need a cheap flying aura. But the wings. The flavor. I… So these wings belong to birds, naturally? Who is summing this enchantment for mating? This is some kind of buff or boon that most any creature could have so in what world is some enchant-o-mancer giving “do me” wings to Mx. Passerby?? But, this may be just a quirk of the game, yeh?

Nitpicks: None!

@hiygamer — Etherium Replicator (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Major kudos for making my look up Prototype Portal and seeing that my gut was wrong and that you DID use the right wording! This is a super-Esper card, more than any of the imprinted cards and honestly a great use of the art. Thopter Foundry is a great card but this one isn’t a bad use and would kind of make sense. Now, I’m not going to put this in improvements, because I want to ask a question: could this card be just plain UW? Possibly, but also consider: this card could be just a straight-up artifact as well, and it feels better how it is now. Why? Because the black invokes a different feeling. It invokes consumption, recycling, progress, larceny, calculation. It’s a very blue side of black. And it also feels, well, Esper! Its an established use of theme!... Honestly it’s probably more that. But I like it anyway. I’d say my bias was showing but none of the winners necessarily invoked Alara straight-up so thpt.

Improvement: There are mostly just wording errors. To be honest, if you’re getting something big, could this card be three mana? That’s probably pushing it, but worth testing. Multicolor custom cube time.

Nitpicks: “enterS the battlefield” (tense), “artifact or creature” (instead of the other way around), and most importantly: “Create a token that’s a copy of A CARD exiled with Etherium Replicator” etc. Because you can copy the ETB trigger and/or use shenanigans to exile other cards.

@hypexion — Ferrari, Sharp Scrapper

Intent: Well if my eyes don’t deceive me, it’s another Esper card! And an artifact-y card? Hm, artifact-enchant-y card. It’s easy to see the designation between colors, with self-mill and the lifegain going into black but leaning towards all three colors, the second ability being straight Disenchant, and the last one being an interesting UB pseudo-reanimation on the cheap, which is super interesting and aggressive. I can see this card intended as either a standard staple or being used as a supplemental planeswalker face card. There’d be a heavy amount of artifacts and enchantments for sure, probably artifact creatures.

Improvement: Did I miss something? When did WUB start caring about enchantments as a multicolor wedge identity? Alela and Zur have their thing, sure, but are those the baseline now? I’m more head-scratching and 0% mad, honestly. As a flavorful card, though, I’m not sure what you’re conveying exactly. So they get rid of stuff and they’re happy when they find garbage, but sometimes they want to scrap things they don’t like, but then they can recreate some of your garbage? Let’s back up and say that this card isn’t a Scrapper and that they’re an artifact/enchantment person. In the most general sense, I don’t really feel a harmony of ideas. The card feels one-note, like there’s very little to do besides abuse the -2 ability and maybe the -1 to get rid of some big thing on the table. The +1 exists to serve the -2, and the -1 feels like it’s trying to be protective for protection’s sake. I don’t know why this character does the things they do through the card. As utility planeswalkers become more abundant, the things they do have to be more resonant; imagine a fully-built world and put your card in the middle. No card is a metaphorical island.

Nitpicks: I think (maybe) that the +1 could be: “Mill up to three cards, then you gain 3 life for each artifact and/or enchantment card milled this way.”

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes — Corpse Spell

Intent: I think you made this very apparent. As a counterspell, it does the job well, and then it lets you get an idea for free! The choice of casting a noncreature spell is particularly interesting, as it plays into this weird and not-really-that-common theme of transfiguration. Obviously polymorphing appears in blue and red but it feels black because of the flavor you’ve chosen to convey. That’s a great job.

Improvement: The big mechanical thing is that I would 100% make this let you case an instant, sorcery or creature instead of just a “noncreature spell.” These colors don’t really feel like they could transmute a creature into something that’s not an idea or, well, a corpse, and it really seems as though that’s the idea you’re going for. The big flavor thing, though, is the name. I really and truly don’t know what you’re trying to convey. Now, I’m aware that English isn’t your first language, and that’s a barrier that I’m not sure how to cross for this kind of criticism. “Corpse Spell” seems like a playtest name. As a concept, this card is great. As a submission, I’m still having to extrapolate a lot; most importantly, it doesn’t tell me how the caster is using the magic to turn a creature into something else. Work on telling that story, and when possible, use native speakers to help get ideas across.

Nitpicks: I think the wording would be: “Counter target creature spell. You may cast target noncreature card with converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell’s converted mana cost from your graveyard without paying its mana cost, and if that card would be put into your graveyard this turn, exile it instead.” Because if you exile it as it resolves and it’s, like, an artifact or planeswalker, what’s the point? Hence my note about instants/sorceries and maybe other creatures.

@ignorantturtlegaming — Draxys, Scourge Eternal

Intent: This card absolutely fits the elemental shell. It feels to me like a standard or CMR-style bomb mythic that hits the table and kinda goes nuts. I mean, it wouldn’t be your commander probably, but in Conspiracy-style? Man. Multiplayer draft, that’s what I mean. It gets cards, it gets counters, it deals damage, then Blitz Hellion-s away. It does indeed feel like a blend of all the crazy things that come in these colors, and you did that much very well. It’s not broken, but it’s powerful, and it’s repeatedly monstrous (not the mechanic, lol) with the fear that it’ll return (until someone Doom Blades it, but that’s the game for ya). Great feeling of a massive beautiful monster.

Improvement: Really, the one thing I would do to improve it would be to consolidate the second and third triggers into “When Draxys enters the battlefield, draw four cards, put four +1/+1 counters on it, then it deals 4 damage divided as you choose among any number of creatures and/or planeswalkers.” No, wait—why not make it an 8/8 and just have it draw cards and deal damage? Because of its massive cost, you’re not gonna play it and then activate Wheel of Fortune in the same turn unless you’re playing some crazy massive game, and then it just shuffles away anyway! So, my suggestion would be to make this one massive bomb when it hits and really get the Timmy out of it.

Nitpicks: None!

@jsands84 — Quarrel, Tariff Enforcer

Intent: The colors are obvious enough, right? A sphinx (blue) based on taxing and punishing (white) to make your opponents lose life (black). Couldn’t be simpler. The color weight is reminiscent of standard cards like Ultimatum cycles but heck, we’ve seen weirder commander cards in the past. I like the fact that even though the color weight is really heavy, the keywords support that kind of aggression without being too overbearing like we’ve seen in other chase rares and mythics.

Improvement: That said, I don’t think it needs that weight at all. 3WUB would have done the exact same and it wouldn’t have looked awkward. Why would it need that weight in the first place? Well, perhaps if it entered the battlefield with an amazing immediate effect. And this card, well, it doesn’t. You have a great eye for flavor and the fact that a legendary (read:uniquely adept) sphinx is enforcing the tax laws of the universe? 10/10. But it doesn’t need that kind of punishment, especially considering, like, the effect really doesn’t come up outside of vintage. So yeah, reduce the weight.

Nitpicks: In the flavor text, “their” referring to the universe is kind of an odd pronoun. With most cases IIRC the concept is objectified instead of personalized, see Aether Adept. (Also there aren’t many cards with ‘universe’ in the flavor text, surprisingly.)

@justincase-1012 — Startling Wisp

Intent: Illusions are almost entirely blue (and one of only two illusions with zero blue in its box is Esper-centric, funnily enough) so that’s all interesting, but this is definitely breaking from the artifact theme and going for color flavor. The fact that it is the one doing the startling is somewhat black, but the discard definitely is. Because of the narrowness of this ability, I feel that it’s intended to be a draft/standard oriented card as opposed to eternal breadth. A 1/1 flying indestructible spirit in these colors is honestly pretty fair and ghostly!

Improvement: This card is too narrow to be common but definitely too specific to be rare, and that narrowness really is...weird. It doesn’t just require noncombat damage, but it requires noncombat damage from creatures. Why? “The next time a source would deal noncombat damage to you or another creature you control this turn” would be perfectly reasonable. Also, why the next phase? Just have it say “Then, if ~ is on the battlefield, return it to its owner’s hand.” The timing doesn’t feel necessary. And honestly, I don’t find this card “startling” much. It’s alluring, certainly, but not startling. Consider renaming and tightening the focus. Too narrow and things just get ugly.

Nitpicks: So you do need “this turn” as I said above, and then looking at other printed oracle text: “that damage is dealt to ~ instead” etc. etc.

@kytheon4-4 — Surrak of New Atarka

Intent: Surrak was a three-color monster the last time we saw him, and he’s back in action now and reclaiming his colors. This is definitely meant to be a commander of sorts, hyper-aggressive with some awesome combat to boot. The first ability’s Gleam of Battle is really aggressively costed here but it makes sense in a timeline when he’s reclaimed some kind of new unity. And of course, the callbacks to both Tarkir timelines is there and well and good. Color-wise, your choice to then go ahead and make a future new timeline is really interesting and I can feel that sort of “new ‘Naya’” blood pumping in Surrak’s veins.

Improvement: The first damage trigger is great, if pretty pushed for Naya colors. The second clause is… Well, call it a “winmore” if you want, but it really is a winmore. Big creatures are big and that’s okay, but if they’re that big and dealing damage, then an indestructible counter is kind of adding insult to injury. And frankly, why not combine these all into one trigger, so that the Gleam ability is just a little less pushed? Whenever the creature deals damage, THEN it gets a counter, and IF it’s four or greater THEN you draw a card, and THEN if it’s eight or greater, something weird happens.

Nitpicks: None!

@mardu-lesbian — Contentious Pair

Intent: A white Soldier, a red Goblin, and a deathtouch counter, and yep, the gang’s all here. Token-making in red and white is pretty standard, a little less for BR and more heavily in the white part of WB, but all the same there’s nothing wrong with that appearing in the three-color combo. It’s interesting you went for a post-Conflux kind of deal with Alara...wedges? Really unique. This is most definitely designed to be a common card for a standard expansion, meant to be drafted and whatnot. It implies a lot about the potential future!

Improvement: I’m unsure how you came up with these colors and creature types. Bant, the shard of soldiers, and Jund, of Goblins, do have one shared color: green. But then this card would have been what, white-green-red? And that’s problematic in another way, and I get that. As it stands, though, this feels heavily weighted towards BR and less towards white, and honestly, this feels definitely uncommon. You get two bodies at instant speed, one of which will most likely destroy an attacking creature. Instant deathtouch isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it’s been in standard for a bit. The bodies and potential permanent deathtouch when you have an empty board is what raises the complexity. My flavor question: why are they contentious? Makes me feel like we’re seeing the start of the story more than a split-second moment; this card might feel better as an uncommon sorcery.

(Also, I’m just imagining them coming over a mountain at instant-speed during combat, and the soldier and the goblin are just talking about their differences and the goblin is showing off their poison dagger when a beast just WHAMS into them and they both instantly die as the soldier looks on in shock and horror. I do love it when cards tell weird stories.)

Nitpicks: None, I don’t think.

@misterstingyjack — Galtiber, Segovian Titan

Intent: Ah, the memes. Well, still, 1/1 tribal is an interesting take on the whole build-around-me dealio. I can honestly say I’m unsure where this card would fit, but that’s not a bad thing. It feels build-around me, but could it work in a limited environment? You’d need a higher as-fan of 1/1s or tokens, and that’s not a bad thing. Honestly, this card doesn’t feel too bad. He’s a protector and he makes them all work together. It’s a neat little design that captures the diligence, unity and edification of these citizens.

Improvement: I really can’t think of a place where this card would see play, though, and the issue is? There’s no real way to improve that past putting this in a pretty bonkers set where it can either go nuts or be mediocre. There are a lot of cool things you can do with this card, but where does he fit? Segovia is a weird plane and designing for it is hard. I love this card and would love to build with it but the fact is that it’s just going to be weird. I’ll put this in nitpicks, but there’s wording issues. Additionally, talking about the character by name in the flavor text is a little off-putting to me. I’m sure it’s happened before but the story feels like a moment being described more than a character.

Nitpicks: “Creatures you control with base power and toughness 1/1” is the correct way to word these things, Iiii think.

@morbidlyqueerious — Ricantha, Ribbon-Dancer (mythic) (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: As much as this technically could be someone’s general, I like this card as a standard-legal mythic, like Kethis or Yarok. It’s surprisingly easy to understand while being quite powerful in its own way. I wouldn’t call it a Voltron card so much as I would call it a control bomb, certainly for limited. The white-blue deals with the tapping, more the blue with the freezing, and the alluring aspect and keywords fill in the green. It brings a lot of the multicolored feel even with a monocolor activated ability.

Improvement: You know, the flavor almost outshines the color aspect. Looking back I do see the intent, but I’m also mostly seeing an interesting take on the dancing and the enchanting aspect. They’re vigilant, they ‘tie down’ the creatures, and they make other creatures follow them. Honestly, this is a case of “right card wrong contest,” where you made a great card to convey the specific act of ribbon-dancing and a dance leader so much that it overtakes the intent of color. The jokingly biting way of saying this is that you didn’t pander to me as a judge enough (/s). I don’t know about reach; first strike, maybe, to show their agility?

Nitpicks: The combat trigger should be one sentence, see the oracle on Kamigawa snakes.

@mtg-ds — Majak, Revival Instigator (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Now I wouldn’t call this a gimmick card but I would say that there’s a lot going on here, again, with the flavor. Sacrificing each other creature actually feels white in a Cataclysmic way but with a black edge of making all the zombies. Hasty zombies fills in the red and plays into the instigative aspect, and man, getting everyone out onto the dance floor? I’ll admit that this card is kind of silly with the art, but there’s something unusually cathartic about it. He enters, turns them all into zombies, makes them dance, then whenever someone else dies they join the dance, and when he leaves the music stops. Like, it’s kind of brilliant, how the zombies can’t dance without him. As a flavorful card for a supplemental set I think that you did a fantastic job.

Improvement: My first small note is that the art is again really distracting, and like, I understand that that might’ve been the purpose but “zombie dance party” out of context feels a little unusual, and the name “Revival Instigator” is a touch on the nose. But those are small concerns next to the fact that this card really could have been black/red and wouldn’t have made that much of a difference. Could’ve even kept the Cleric typing. Again, I need to also say that this card is downright fantastic mechanically, but just not quite white there for the purposes of this contest. Keep this card as-is, maybe make him a Human IMO. I don’t have any significant improvements.

Nitpicks: None!

@naban-dean-of-irritation — Tamakoma, Spectral Shiver (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Clever clogs, I looked up that name and it is indeed fitting! Very clever you are, just as clever as giving the UB flash ninja ETB feeling that strikes fear into the heart of those who don’t know she’s coming. White’s got the spirit flash and indestructible, black’s got deathtouch, flash, AND indestructible, and blue’s got the ninja feeling. Something tells me this would totally be a supplemental card unless Kamigawa goes three-colors, but to be honest I get a MH1 vibe more, and that’s okay too. Major kudos for making me double-check cards like Ambuscade Shaman for this weird wording.

Improvement: I can see how this card would be white flavorfully; I think its just precedent working against you. Because of the way that black has been encroaching upon indestructible in the past couple years, this card could just be blue-black and fit into the ninja feeling just as well. I personally like the white spirit aspect. It’s just not as present here as I would have liked for this contest. Great card, no mechanical improvements.

Nitpicks: I don’t know if “the hollows of the night” are, like, a thing? I don’t know, just as a writer it reads weird to me. One day I’ll be accredited and that won’t seem like such a jackass comment too.

@nine-effing-hells — Llanlaia Rywh, the Inmost Eye

Intent: I like your take on elves here, using the focus and mood to turn the ordinarily green elves into some warrior monastery funky stuff. I’m getting the sense of a cave world, or some kind of twisted plane where expectations are thwarted and the different races of Magic have to find their own kind of way around. Definitely a face card for the tribe in whatever set it’s based in.

Improvement: There’s no blue and black here, or at least I’m not feeling it mechanically, and for this contest that’s the most important thing. Giving a Runed Halo effect on a pump is really darn powerful, and to have this dismiss any damage or removal at instant speed is definitely powerful and definitely white. The concept of looking within for meditation is a bit blue, sure, but I don’t see that expressed on this card as much. I do have some major presentation issues. The name is almost completely unpronounceable, so consider shortening it and cleaning it significantly. The flavor text is also in need of shortening and edits. “Look within to look around.” With a hint that the elves are blind, boom, you’re golden. So: name change, flavor paring, and consider that this card feels overall white. That said, for flavor and balance reasons for this card, keeping those colors is fine. Also consider that this is a really damn powerful beater.

Nitpicks: None that I can tell.

@partlycloudy-partlyfuckoff — Everlasting Forefather

Intent: Here’s the thing: I’ll get to stuff in the ‘improvements’ section but mechanically, this card is really interesting for a number of flavorful reasons. Three-mana 4/3 with mentor is perfectly powerful in these colors, that’s great, flavorfully fine as a forefather. Creating two spirits upon death, awesome, those are the embodiments of his students and ideals, and most importantly, play into the embalm, where his zombie can teach the spirits after death and makes for great flying beaters, AND that Zombie token will make more spirits in remembrance. The use of flavorful mechanics gives it an interesting edge even if all these individual mechanics could be in mono-white.

Improvement: One, I would personally make this a warrior, but that’s super minor. Two… I can’t think of any reason outside a custom set where you’d have three non-evergreen mechanics from three different sets and two different planes on the same card. It feels like a custom card, not in the sense that it’s at all thoughtless or amateurish, because it’s not, but because there’s no way of making these pieces come together in a meaningful way; it feels like you’re removing the restrictions on what can go together for the sake of it. MH1 did have some mechanical mashups and we’ve explored that before. This feels like a bit too much for what we’re looking for. Honestly, for a custom multicolor cube or w/e, keep this card. But you might also want to consider MSE or having someone render for you, because with the VERY necessary rules text, this one takes up a lot of text; no room for flavor, and no need, ‘cause you do it all naturally anyway.

Nitpicks: Mm, none, I don’t think!

@reaperfromtheabyss — Glorified Minddrinker (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: This is definitely asking to be in a standard/draftable set as a tribal beater. You give it evasion, you use other vampires/warlocks to mess stuff up, you get in, and you drink. BW vampire lifegain meets the milling, and there you have it. What I really like is the fact that it’s “any card,” like Bloodchief Ascension, but that feels blue, because they’re drinking from the mind and not just the body, and I dunno, I REALLY like that kind of neat flavor niche. I also love how this makes a really roundabout already-exploited infinite combo with Sanguine Bond and Mindcrank, both of which are halves of other better combos.

Improvement: Mechanically, there’s nothing to improve here, except you might want to consider some kind of evasion. I think there’s just the nitpick of having “Glorified” in there without any understanding of what makes this creature glorified or why. A snippet of flavor could have helped with that, and with only two abilities. I don’t know, this one just didn’t pop to me for some reason. It’s a perfectly fine submission, and it just needs a little more pop.

Nitpicks: None! Nice and clear.

@shootingstarhunter — Storm Key

Intent: I find it interesting that the mana made from sacrificing is red but the abilities have a central Riku-like fascination. This feels like a supplemental card for sure, although I’m sure there are standard shenanigans. It would require a set in which RUG/Temur has an artifact theme and in which giving things storm is on the table. I have the feeling that in a genuinely competitive Maelstrom Wanderer deck that this card could turn a possible win into a guaranteed win. It’s there to help big things be bigger, but without a win-more feel, and I like that.

Improvement: In terms of this contest, it lacks elegance in its cohesion. The flavors don’t necessarily blend as well as they could. There’s a lot of rules text that emphasizes the separation rather than blending it together. My suggestions: Make it just cost RUG, no generic, reword the first ability to be: “When ~ is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, add R for each spell you’ve cast this turn,” and the second ability to “5, T, Sacrifice ~: When you cast your next instant, sorcery or creature spell this turn, copy it for each spell you’ve cast before it this turn.” And then add reminder text about targets and permanents. A tiny bit more flexible and less text, and you can add in some flavor. Personally I don’t really get the “Key” aspect. It feels more like a big machine of sorts.

Nitpicks: Remember to capitalize “Sacrifice” in the ability costs. Second reminder text should be “You don’t choose new targets for the copies.” I think, there’s not much precedent. Check the MSE Discord for tech help in getting your name/type text straightened out if you’d like.

@snugz — Erratic Polymorph (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: This does feel very wild, more of the Temur frontier or even the Ketria triome. Either one of those sets getting a return could have this, or a supplemental draft set on that world, or a commander product aimed at those timelines. This card’s pretty flexible in that sense! The red lack of control over twisty magic is definitely evident, with the green bear and the blue otters as representative of those sides of the wild. I like how you took blue’s natural sense and made it river/forest oriented. Big boys and little boys do different kinds of cool damage. I can dig it! (Although I’m more inclined to bears than otters myself…)

Improvement: I wouldn’t call this “elegant” as a primary adjective for its color balance, even though it’s very neat still overall. The obviousness of green being bears and blue being otters doesn’t take away from the fact that both of them make sense. The long and short is that I don’t have card improvements, and this card’s just for a different contest.

Nitpicks: None-zo

@starch255 — Dopplicant

Intent: Very clever, I see. You used white’s enchantment base for the card type even though it’s a strictly red and blue ability. Copying any spells is on the table now with Lithoform Engine so that makes sense. This could be in just about any set with these colors, and you know what, that’s perfectly fine. Jeskai, Raugrin (ugh), or otherwise, there’s cool stuff happening.

Improvement: With a vague name and flavor, it’s easy to have this card be a thumbs-up mechanically, but what...exactly is it? It’s name makes me think of the creature Duplicant, which is fine, makes sense, although it’s not a creature here like any of the other “-cant” cards. I just can’t place it, which is obviously a presentation thing over a mechanical issue. For the Fair, presentation is somewhat important, and also contextualizes your cards. It might just be a “me” thing to keep in mind for when I’m judging, so don’t take it personally at all. I think the idea is sound and all we need is polish.

Nitpicks: None~

@stormtide-leviathan — Jeskai Confluence

Intent: Like the confluences of C15, this is a charm-like modal spell with three pretty standard modes for the colors: blue draw, red damage, white erase. I can see this being part of either a standard return to that other timeline or as part of a “clan clash” supplemental set for sure.

Improvement: In the main post, there were examples like Shattergang Brothers that were posted as technically fine but not elegant. Totally separating your colors and abilities was part of that, breaking the cohesion. Unfortunately, charm effects were most definitely part of that area. I know that Magic design space isn’t eternally open, and I hate to say this, but because this card uses 2/3 abilities already found on the printed confluences and only minorly changes the damage, this feels somewhat derivative. I would go back to the drawing board and look at overlap rather than individualization, what the colors could have done together to make a card that creates something unique.

Nitpicks: There should be a period after “once” instead of an emdash.

@thedirtside — Twisted Design

Intent: I think that with Tezzeret being who he is and with the cool trend of colored artifacts, this card could absolutely find play in a variety of places. It feels almost like a story card, someone’s terrible (well, twisted) creation. That much is absolutely apparent. The counter/exile is definitely blue and black-ish but I like how the theft kind of ends up being red as well and the artifact typing helps with that. Flavor text is pretty okay too. Short, simple.

Improvement: That...second ability. Are you choose a card as part of a cost? I’m no rules guru but I’m almost certain that you can’t do that. And it doesn’t specify the speed, so you can basically pay the (very fair) cost to exile the spell, but then very unfairly get it back anytime you want. Why random, too? What if that spell has other random restrictions or no legal targets? There’s a lot to unpack from that with no printed precedent because, to put it bluntly, it doesn’t work within the rules. I really like the idea of having a card where you can somehow steal, twist, or morph their spells into new nightmares or futures. Work with that idea to make something URBy that, well, works rules-wise.

Nitpicks: It took me a bit to find your source photo with your source link (X), and I don’t even think that blog’s using proper permission. Here’s the gist: if you can’t find the original photographer, either go stock or don’t use art, OR find a source that’s more easily traceable. Pretend that you’re someone who has to find the source working backwards.

@walker-of-the-yellow-path — Ziziphus, the Lotus Eater

Intent: I could never be like him, I could never talk like that. Also, thank you for making this explicitly commander-based, heh. Food tokens are interesting, and I can see the token art already as well as the kind of person you might imagine Ziziphus to be. Oddly enough, they feel Therosian, considering the “lotus eaters” in the Odyssey, and that’s not a bad thing I suppose. Food’s sort of in the green area, with blue-white profiteering, and the general combat lull sort of encapsulating the whole GWU-ish control feeling. Turbo-fog ahoy.

Improvement: Competitive commander gets shut down pretty easily and casual commander becomes almost instantly unfun. It’s an instant-speed everyone-gets-it nigh-uncounterable Pacifism array that’s flavorfully understandable but puts a target on you as the one person to kill if anyone wants this game to ever end. I understand the top-down design but it’s impractical and I don’t see a game where this being your commander would make the gameplay better. So like Gwafa Hazid, consider your design: what would entice people to take the food? What’s the payoff? How often do you want this to happen to improve gameplay without causing staleness? Is food where you want to go, using lifegain to then further prolong the game?... Oh. Oh, someone can also just lorus-ify Ziziphus itself and then nothing happens in this version. That’s something to consider.

Nitpicks: The name’s really similar to “Sisyphus” in pronunciation. I was distracted.

@whuh-oh — Tainted Lightninghorn

Intent: Some day, I think we’re gonna get a five-color Lightning Blankemental kind of card, and I can’t wait for it. So yeah, it’s an aggressive predatory insect elemental with nasty sauce, and I feel this in a supplemental set for sure.

Improvement: So as an uncommon, it’s already pretty pushed, too much so. Ball Lightning set a precedent, and it’s a rare for a reason, honestly. That much power even for four mana with the abilities you’ve given it is a but much. For this card, most importantly, I need to be as clear as I can: The interaction between deathtouch and trample is an unintuitive quirk of the game. They do not belong on the same card with zero restrictions, especially not on an uncommon. Sometimes it’s okay to just make a cool card because it’s cool. I like my weird cards, I like my weird interactions. Forcing them feels like choosing indulgence over good design. I’m not feeling the uniqueness of the colors, I’m not feeling the flavor (why does lightning leave decay?), and I’m not feeling the gameplay. Where do we go from here? I think this general concept is fine for a personal set or a supplemental concept. Contextualize it for that area, look at environmental answers, and then see if you want to play with what the colors do.

Nitpicks: I’m 90% sure it’d go “Deathtouch, haste, menace, trample.” Also, I’m sure someone pointed out the whole flying-without-flying thing for the art, that’s very mildly distracting.

@wolkemesser — Murmurs of the Bosk

Intent: Yeah, this is very much a Lorwyn-inspired card, and I’m happy for that. Both the treefolk flavor and the permanent return are green, returning to the battlefield is white and black, and the white enchantment plus toughness matters (also in green) gives this card a magnificent flow of feeling, the trees returning. I can see this in any set, but especially a standard return to Lorwyn, and yet it could have a home in several cool recursion decks! It’s a nice little addition for both lovers of slow return and for treefolk fans.

Improvement: This card was going to be a runner-up or even a judge pick, but the severity of nitpicks grew until I realized that there were just too many problems to give it full commendation. I’ll put the revised wording in the ‘nitpicks’ bar and get to the big ones: the name, and the flavor text. The name is obviously an homage to Murmuring Bosk, right? That’s understandable, but the name is literally so close that I can’t think of anything else. The difference between being honoring and being derivative is enigmatic at times. This particular case is more evident. And the flavor text is almost completely ripped off from Doran’s card itself. Literally, it keeps the order and adds four words that don’t add sense or depth to the character. For future submissions, keep that in mind. As a mechanical suggestion, you could just have it be the greatest toughness without targeting, and it does need to target the card in the graveyard.

Nitpicks: “At the beginning of your upkeep, you may return target permanent card with converted mana cost X or less from your graveyard to the battlefield, where X is the greatest toughness among creatures you control.”

Join us tomorrow, for a new contest, and a brush...with DEATH.

- @abelzumi

#mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #commentary #three cheese blend #inventor's fair #long post

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