#I’m very interested in different expressions of polyamory

[chubsette]

i’m very curious about nat and aiden! how did they meet and begin their relationship?

bear with me cause this is gonna be a long answer

so Nat and Aiden met at university, through some mutual friends. She was in the photography club and he was an arts major, so Nat ended up hanging out a lot around his department, despite being a marketing student. They instantly hit it off, Nat's very outgoing and funny which turned out to mix well with Aiden's more gentle demeanor.

Aiden was already dating Chris when they met Nat, and even though the two had already expressed interest in being poly, it was just an idea they threw around but had no real plans of committing to. Until they met Nat, who actually had some experience with polyamory. She knew Chris from a couple of classes when she met Aiden, for whom she quickly developed a crush. She'd flirt and tease and occasionally bring Aiden snacks because she liked how flustered it made him. Aiden and Chris end up having a talk and admit that they're both into her and would like to date her, if she's interested. Aiden's actually the one to make the first move and confess to her.

When the three got together to discuss their relationship and she found out they were also feedists, Nat felt like they were a match made in heaven. Aiden was also very excited at the prospect of having two feeders, obviously hahah

i have 500 different AUs, where they meet in 500 different ways but this is the canon story i suppose

[dereksmcgrath]

Sunday Morning Manga: Afternoon Reactions #2 (Nov 12 2023)

Romance fail.

I’m still on hiatus for livestreams and podcasts, so here are more quick, underdeveloped reactions about new chapters out today.

Undead Unluck Chapter 183

I hate this. 

It’s not the polyamory that bothers me; it’s the lack of honesty. This jerk couldn’t explain all of this to the two sisters before dragging them out in public to embarrass one of them at their own wedding? What a dick. 

This jerk is embarrassing his bride by surprising her at their own wedding that he is also going to marry her sister--this reads like the typical harem fantasies of gross men, and a plot that gets its humor out of the initial bride’s fury about all of this before an empty faux-sentimental speech changes her mind. None of the humor and none of the sentimentality in this chapter is legitimate, earned, or effective. This returns Undead Unluck to its worst instincts that I had hoped it had left behind when Andy stopped groping Fuuko. 

And, disclaimer: I completely forgot who Latla, Leila, and Rip are--and I’m glad for it, because, man, this chapter soured me on their story. 

Well, with the bar that low, I’m sure the other offerings this week can’t be that bad when it comes to romance--

Witch Watch Chapter 132

Oh goddamn it. 

I had already expressed discomfort with the story trying to re-situate Nico as Morihito’s daughter figure as opposed to love interest. I had hoped this story would wrap up what seemed like a temporary situation quickly. But nope, seems like Kenta Shinohara is committing to this, as Witch Watch enters its Part 2 phase. 

I did read this chapter fast, so maybe I’m missing something integral that justifies letting Nico re-live her life all over again. The problem is, up to this point in this manga, that never seemed like something that had to happen. 

At best I can say that, as Morihito hadn’t seen Nico since they were kids, and as Nico had to spend all that time training, then the story would suggest that getting to live the childhood she never had before is warranted. The problem is that idea seems like wish fulfillment, not addressing the reality that we don’t get a do-over in life. Yes, I know that Witch Watch is a fairy tale, but it is a story that up to now still felt like it worked best when putting its fantastic elements against things in life that can’t be changed: parents die, friends can drift apart over time, you can't repeat the past. 

And even that “best that I can say” disclaimer is undermined by the story itself implying we are now on a collect-a-thon to retrieve those butterflies to restore Nico’s age and magic--unless, as this chapter seems to suggest, the team will just let Nico age at her own rate and retrieve the butterflies at her own pace, meaning this “Part 2” of the manga could extend for years. 

And I’m not that big of a fan of this series to commit my time to digging that much into its nuance, when it seems like Shinohara chickened out on dealing with the relationship progression they established for Nico and Morihito since the first chapter. It’s the same tired cliche that comics creators just refuse to write romance, because they think it’s boring when, as we’ll discuss very, very briefly with Blue Box, no, there is plenty to mine. 

Sadly this seems to be in keeping with Shinohara. I’m not the best at judging what is good or bad in a romance story, but it ain’t Witch Watch, and it ain’t a lot of Shinohara’s other works. But at least their earlier works had something that made most of those romances, or potential romances, or failed romances, feel warranted. With Sket Dance, Bossun and Himeko were just in completely different places, so it didn’t work out--and Witch Watch in its return to that story showed that maybe it just isn’t going to happen even later. At least that was mitigated somewhat by the hints of Switch and Momoka dating, and even then it’s kept until the last chapter. Shinohara’s best romance may be Quitterie and Zack, because it’s a comedy of errors that Zack thought they were already dating, such that any work done to make Quitterie the butt of the joke here is mostly harmless and, as with classical comedy, leads them both to a better place. Then again, for every Zack and Quitterie, there’s a Kanata and Aries, the most forced relationship you could imagine. 

Spy x Family Chapter 90

The humor in this chapter is by no means as bad as what we got in Undead Unluck, but the jokes depend on some cliches that come across as punching-down--”This old man can’t remember things and mistakes things.” It’s on the level of a bad Mr. Magoo short. 

The story also lays on thick the continued goals of this series to give Anya the most ideal family ever: “Spy dad and assassin mom! Secret police uncle! Inventor family friend! Telepathic dog! And…two old people!” What will Barbara and Sigmund add to Anya’s life that will be incredible and awesome? Because so far, it seems like the most we will get is that Sigmund is a learned scholar who can share with Anya the history of this world--but without some exciting detail to pair with that scholarship, it’s going to come across as Sigmund just being boring. And that’s fine--it doesn’t hurt to have a character who is just a relatively normal character in a sea of wacky. The problem is, Twilight was pretty much our most “normal” character, yet since the very beginning with Chapter 1, he has enough fundamental flaws that give him a unique worldview that make his interactions funny because of his misunderstandings. I don’t get that from Sigmund: we get someone wrongly referred to as senile when, no, he’s older, he needs help, this isn’t a fundamental flaw or even an amusing character trait, it feels like punching down humor. 

Giving Anya grandparents, when she has never had them before, should be heartwarming and thrilling, the equivalent of Meet the Robinsons or The Incredibles revealing just how chaotic but entertaining, fun, and awesome this family can be. But this chapter isn’t there yet. We don’t know enough about Barbara and Sigmund to get a sense of what kind of grandparents they will be to Anya. It feels like we are only getting to know the most basic information about Barbara and Sigmund before some twist comes later, possibly what Sigmund can tell Anya and by extension the audience as to what the world was like before these wars and as a warning why Twilight and Yor have to be the ones to stop that war. 

I haven’t written much about the actual artwork to any of the chapters this week, and even with Spy x Family this week, it didn’t thrill me. We have a lot of panels composed of just settings--buildings Yor and the others pass by, one scene of just the fountain without any real action when Sigmund goes to shower in it, some difficulty in reading the action in particular when Sigmund ended up at the top of the needle tower. At least the introductory image of Sigmund was laid out well. 

In terms of any world-building, Yor happens upon a mafia office--and we’re just going to walk past that? The anime for Spy x Family is currently adapting the cruise ship arc that also deals with survivors of a mafia, so is this gang that Yor just escaped going to be related? Will they come back later and recognize Yor? At best we avoided the same old cliches of Yor having to think she has to stay incognito and can’t show off her skill set--because here, the goal she has is not to eliminate the mafia but to get Bond, Sigmund, and Anya to safety, and that is really good covert character progression. 

Blue Box Chapter 125

I’m laughing at how the chapter makes something like having lunch with your high school romantic partner in a storage facility so scandalous. What’s next, holding hands? 

(See, Witch Watch? Not that hard to make romance entertaining.) 

My Hero Academia Chapter 406

His hero name is now Kacchan: the fan theories and headcanons have been fulfilled, I can end this series happy about that--because Bakugo embracing Izuku and All Might’s masochism is not appreciated. 

Wrapping Up

Thanks for reading to the end. 

Do you think Witch Watch and Undead Unluck dropped the ball on romance, or am I being too harsh? And how do you think romance has been handled in, say, Spy x Family and Blue Box? Let me know in the comments section or email me, derek.s.mcgrath@gmail.com. 

Please look forward to more writing from me next week, if not also livestreaming and podcasting about new manga chapters. 

As I say at the end of livestreams (after some new additions): until next Sunday, stay safe out there, people--mask up, get vaccinated, install adblockers, register to vote, campaign against fascism and war and genocide and terrorism, and learn and practice anti-bigotry. I’ve been Derek S. McGrath. You have a good afternoon. Bye.

[wordsandrobots]

I’m sitting here wondering what it says about me that the first time I’ve really engaged with romance/slash-fic (in the sense of making it the backbone of a massively long series of stories), I chose to skip the build-up entirely. You know, the will they/won’t they, comedic misunderstandings, drawn-out pining and so forth. Pretty much skipped any actual dating too (I have in fact repeatedly made characters unsure if what they’re doing *is* dating) and plunged straight into ‘navigating crises and complex emotions while being in a relationship’.

Part of it, I suppose, is that in this particular slash pairing, the pining etc already takes up the bulk of the canon interactions. Yamagi’s character beats in Iron-Blooded Orphans revolve around him falling for Shino like a dropped rock and Shino taking forever to notice. Coming into that afterwards means the groundwork is already done and I can get straight to their various issues causing ructions and lots of extremely enthusiastic sex (read this sentence however you like; it’ll still be correct).

But even so. I think I’ve always tended towards skipping a lot of the ‘standard’ preparatory work for romance. In my Fullmetal Alchemist fics, my mental label for how I wrote Ed and Winry getting together was ‘like an exhausted sigh’. Bear in mind this was based on the 2003 anime; I came at it from the idea of this being two people who cared about one another, had been through the wringer, and who never expected to see each other again. When they finally got the space to click, they simply did. I didn’t end up writing much emotional drama between them because I honestly did not see much room for it (again, bear in mind 2003!Ed ends up significantly more dour in temperament than his Manga counterpart).

There’s also Mustang and Hawkeye, who I am incapable of writing actually ‘getting together’ because the alternative is far more interesting. Their relationship wasn’t pining so much as expressing itself entirely in the dance of their professional lives. I think I wrote them as essentially married already and while those fics do start with a very atypical bout of Hawkeye getting pissed-off enough to sock Mustang on the nose, what I found most interesting to write was how in-sync they were, how much trust they placed in each other.

And I don’t know if that means I don’t care for the build-up in romantic stories, if I don’t consider it important, or if I simply don’t have enough real-life experience of ‘normal’ attraction/dating etc to think I can convincingly write it. I certainly don’t seem especially drawn to exploring it. I am drawn to writing different ways in which people can interact around sex and relationships. Wishing On Space Hardware is low-key an effort to see exactly how queer I can make one of my stories within the handicap of my very plot-focused approach (I cannot control my reflex to weave together dangling threads into new patterns. Like, at all).

It simply occurred to me that I’ve never really cared to focus on long, drawn-out crushes in my writing. Either I focus on established relationships or I skip to the part I enjoy, which is how two or more people interact within the boundaries of ‘being together’. Mostly this occurred to me because I’ve just finished drafting a fic that focuses on two characters I do in fact show getting together, only it’s in the sense of a casual relationship growing into something stronger. It’s very much not the . . . traditional route, so to speak (and I don’t just mean because of the polyamory).

I don’t disdain the traditional approach at all. I’ve enjoyed it immensely in all shades and stripes. This isn’t me saying ‘I don’t write it cos it’s bad’. I just started dwelling on my utter lack of desire to write it in the first place and wondered what that meant. Quite possibly, it simply means I am old and don’t feel like I have much to say about an approach usually applied to teenagers. But I didn’t feel like writing it much when I was younger, either, so . . . yeah.

I don’t know.

[breesays]

c'est comme ça / admit

I hate to admit getting better is boring

But the high cost of chaos, who can afford it?

A few months ago came upon an ace blog on Tumblr, an entry that said the person didn't want to read anymore about the "ace experience" because they were living it, and spent a lot of time assuming everyone was just like them. I, on the other hand, would love to and am actively searching out more ace experiences to read and hear about. You know what I am NOT curious about? The allo experience. That was one of my biggest problems during the very brief stint we had with a sex therapist. She was pushing "non judgemental curiosity" on my part. Por que? The allo experience, in all it's many forms and narratives, has been effectively shoved down my figurative (um and maybe literal) throat since I was a teen. From having to (over)hear hormonal peers pine pine pine to sex scenes in books ("he entered her" VOM) and movies (I'm in love with TWs) and like every TV show ever UGH, I have truly had enough. While everyone is shipping fictional characters my suspense is that I hope it WILL NOT hit that physical tipping point. Watching Wednesday I definitely felt her ambivalence about her admirers/supposed love interests. Or her being strategic about hanging out with them. I know I'm projecting, but it's so draining to have someone you're fond of look at you and also search you for MORE. I filled teenage journals to the brim with that theme.

What a thing to admit / That when someone looks at me with real love / I don't like it very much / Kinda makes me feel like I'm being crushed

I was thrilled that in the Marvel movie Shang Chi that the main characters relationship with Awkwafina's character remained platonic. THAT is what I want to see more of, hear more of.  I just finished Claire Kann's "If It Makes You Happy" and while it was not a page-turner or the kind of book that had brilliantly crafted sentences that stunned you into awed silence, it had SO many things other books did not.

A fat main character who did not care to lose weight, or have self esteem issues

A QPR - not without it's issues, but still

Polyamory - a soon-to-be college student who didn't necessarily identify as such but who knew she could be in a relationship with more than one person

That said, it wasn't easy to get into. Winnie is not a super likeable character (but also she wouldn't care that I said that) and it takes awhile for you to get the gist of allllll the relationships she has - family and friends. But this work of fiction is important for the sheer amount of representation that is not so easily stumbled upon. I can't even fully express how much that means to me, but when I get around to articulating it, I will write my own book. Thank you, Claire Kann.

Just realized that was a book review, so all that is on my GoodReads and I only write like 3 reviews a year. Why? The same reason I don't write music reviews - it's personal. What it means to me has everything to do with what I need, who I am at any given moment. It's a prescription. Doled out in strings and timbre and lyrics.

Realizing so much of my love has been platonic and somehow that was offensive. Two of them asked, "You think I'm cute, like a puppy?" (Yes?)

Thinking about dividing up my blogs - keeping breesays for the daily (ok, monthly?) life stuff, toddler life moment recording and then putting all my ace experiences on a different domain. It all intersects, sure, but there's potentially some darker themes in the ace stuff, and I don't know who wants to go there. breesays - love and light and parenting and recommendations and culture. littlespooncrimes - "People talk to me, and all their faces blur / But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison / And I'm locking up everyone that ever laid a finger on me" knife emoji x3

At this juncture in my life I am NOT doing a lot of exploring of that aspect of my identity. I did pre-order all the ace books. I'm listening to a lot of science podcasts on longevity, working on my meditation practice - kind of grounding myself before I go back into excavate some of this stuff. Some of it is humorous in retrospect, some of it physically pains me. I want to be able to rip open old wounds, sure, but I also want to make sure I can recover. I'm not asking for Wolverine-level regeneration, just being able to breathe through a memory and go on living life as opposed to needing 3 hours to be catatonic. See also: cold showers.

Can I recommend another book for you? Elissa Bassist's "Hysterical" - now THAT one had some sections that stunned me into silence. Also rage. And tears. But I read it on GOOGLE PLAY BOOKS so none of my goddamn notes were saved.

Sometimes I get caught up in wondering what kind of havoc I wreaked on ex-whatevers. What is it like to encounter an ace in the wild, when she doesn't know what she is? When she's faking it (but not well) and taking secret shots in your kitchen? When she would love nothing more than to be little spoon but if that was a breadcrumb to sex let's just off ourselves right now. Die inside, by suicide. No blue moons. Crush the stars they can't align.

They're OK. The rest of the world was designed with them in mind.

[bidean-byedean]

I was thinking about Jen/Mish because what else do I have to do with my life? And I’d be very interested to see the reaction to misha being with another woman. There seems to be an (probably very recent for most people) acceptance that Jen/Mish isn’t covert or extra-marital in the sense that their wives are beards/unknowing, but that they all participate in the relationship to some degree. although there isn’t much to go on when speculating about Mish/Dan/Vicki/Jen, would people think it’s so cute if we saw Vicki and Jensen flirting? Dan and Misha are clearly good friends, but they would definitely have been vilified for being sexual towards each other? I’ve also seen lots of stuff about Misha and Darius and like great, I’m not saying that misha can’t pursue extra-marital relationships with just men if that’s what he wants, it’s just the fan reaction that I’m intrigued by.

Idk I was thinking about how readily the fandom accepts misha’s polyamory but only with other men. We know Misha and Vicki are poly because of their relationship with another woman but whenever I’ve heard about misha possibly having extra-marital sex with women it’s always framed as him doing something inappropriate (usually by anti-misha fans so I’m super interested in hearing other perspectives on his apparent abuses of power). Maybe it’s the same as with fictional ships and we only see Misha in very male dominated circumstances so when would we be privy to his relationships with women? We get a lot of stories about Vicki but she’s done a fantastic job of keeping out of sight (crazy good, I literally can’t remember the last time I saw a pic of her??) so it’s hard to be a “fan” of her and them in the same way.

Does anyone else get this? Am I insane? I just think a lot of people treat Jen/Mish as cute and acceptable because it’s essentially a bisexual-fantasy-monogamy: you can be in a deeply committed relationship with one man and one woman so you’re not “choosing” or “missing out”. (This would also apply to Dan/Vicki) Maybe this is the case, but it could definitely not be and I can’t take the ~shippers~ losing their shit if we ever find out the relationship structure and it’s not the Monogamy Plus™️ that everyone on here has romanticised.

[polyadvice]

My long term partner cheated on me, and now we're trying polyamory, but he's not very good at it

Been in relationship for almost 19 years. Partner over the years has secretly had relationships with various woman at different points in time. Eventually I find out. I am hurt by the betrayal and lack of honest communication. I forgive and partner never wants to stop having relationship with me. We recently started looking at polyamory. Still navigating and seeing what this looks like for myself. Partner begins talking to a person he has cheated in past with multiple times. I have strong negative feelings about this. I want open and honest conversation but this does not make me feel this the case. I feel that polyamory discussion was brought up to open the door for relationship with this other woman. I see a lot of positive in polyamory and would like to explore but Partner messaging this woman causes jealousy that I am having a hard time processing. He reassures that he loves me and would never hurt me but is standoff on discussion about polyamory. He states "I will control who i text, call, talk to, like, hate, love or want." which I respect but I would like open communication. This woman is supposedly poly as well according to partner. Who is in relationship with a man who is not interested in poly. He says they both agree not to go forward past friendship with my consent. But I resent they had this discussion prior to my partner and I having discussion on what poly means for our relationship. My partner says he doesn't want to be controlled. I am the major decision maker for our house, family and finances by default. He tends to not want to be and puts the final say to me. Does he resent that?? Am I wrong to want more open communication about our relationship and this relationship with this other woman?

I understand that the dissolution of a 19 year relationship is a major thing, but my recommendation is to throw the whole man out. He has a history of being dishonest with you and secretly going behind your back to do things he knows you’re not okay with. Whatever he is promising you now, I doubt he will keep those promises.

He is already not doing a great job at making this relationship transition. He is refusing to have open communication and accusing you of trying to “control” him when you express ANY needs or desires here. And it sounds like he has you convinced that this is somehow your fault, or at the very least, not his fault.

Leave this dude. You are not wrong. You have given him MANY chances to demonstrate that he is capable of being in a happy, healthy relationship with you on a variety of different terms. He has never succeeded. You have made compromises, but he has not met you halfway.

I know it will hurt like hell, but I’m going to have to refer you to Whole Man Disposal Services. End this relationship and find someone who treats you with respect, honesty, and consideration.

[blue-pastel-cat]

Xiaobedo Fanfic Recommendation

Welcome to my personal “if you are new to xiaobedo peeps please read these” list. As said before this is my personal list so please feel free to reblog/comment/hit me for not including any gem here. I might miss a lot of them because I am drunk or blind. (mostly have them on my to read and then forgot as I am being assault by real life shit).

I would like to say first that so far there are 150+ Xiaobedo fics on Ao3. I can’t review all of them but I can say that I have read a majority of them. Most of them are just pure love and I would like nothing more than a thousands thank you for all the fic writers who spent their free time writting these gems for us to read for free. But these...these takes the cake as it finds a special landing spot in my heart that I would just thrust them into someone’s hand if they say “I am new to this ship can you recommend me?”

1. Orange dust by bobamilkteas (Wes)

In which Xiao learns to open himself up to the world a little more after the collapse of Rex lapis's contracts but it was not always easy for a soul doomed to eternal damnation. Meanwhile, Albedo liked to tempt fate where the extraordinary are concerned.

If only the traveler's comrades are made of saner bunch.

Comment: Long ago when I like both Albedo and Xiao as a character, I was wondering hmmm....will anyone actually even write about them lmao they never met each other. I am surprise to see this one as the 3rd fic in the whole 3 Xiaobedo fic on Ao3 (yeah back when there’s literally only 3 fic for this couple). I was like I’ll read it for the curiosity, I’ll probably won’t ship them. And that people is how I put my clown make up on my face upon finishing reading it. This ONE fic alone convert me into a devotee of Xiaobedo. Please consider joining me in this circus if you want to know what is Xiaobedo. I would put this as the first of my “Big 3″

Orange Dust also come with its compliation of short stories over the course of the game and a big sequel to it. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

2. Solar Wind by birdpriestess (Sparrow)

For the yaksha, his duty was his life, and his life was his duty. No human could ever hope to understand the eternal war he fought out of sight and in silence.

So why, then, did he feel that Albedo would understand?

---

Finding himself at death's door once more, Xiao is saved by a surprising person, setting off the unlikeliest of adventures.

Comment: Do you like crying? Do you like the feeling of getting your heart ripped into pieces as the author destroy your emotions over the end of each chapter as the story picked up the climax? Yeah, this one is for you masochists. The action, the characterisation, the drama THE EMOTIONS OH WOW. I kid you not that it was so good I read this while workinng when I am not suppose to me. Also, this fic has my favourite characterisation of Gold ever. I love that dramatic queen Mad Alchemist. AND DAIN. I LOVE DAIN IN THIS FIC. Our dearest Sparrow manage to toy with our feelings like how I bully ruin guard for big numbers lmao. This is the secound of “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list.

Again, just like Orange Dust, Solar Wind comes with its own compliation of short stories of what came after that. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

3. Castle of Glass by AlchemicalStardust (Morgie) 

A black shadow rises over Huaguang Stone Forest. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Albedo flees the shaking ground and the crash of boulders tumbling form the sky. As the dust settles, Albedo finds a young man – an Adeptus – amidst the carnage. Despite the karmic agony ripping his body from the inside, Xiao’s only question is “How?” How did a human survive after witnessing his battle?

Comment: The last of the “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list. And it is still on going! Castle of Glass? More like I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS! Have you read a fic about 2 people yearning, longing, reaching out for each other so damn well that you just want to throw your phone in the air as they both had their impending doom coming down upon them? Yeah this is one of them. You will like want to be stuck in the moment they express how much they just yearn for each other’s love and care that you want to shake the author for what comes next. Like...everytime Morgie update I am expressing my gratitude at the end of the chapter by writing on Xiaobedo discord “MORGIE COME HERE AND LET ME BONK YOU WHY ARE YOU ENDING IT THERE”

trust me when you read you will def feel the same. With just Big 3 and their compliation alone that would give you like a LONG list of reading already LMAOOOOOOO

4. Find a place to call it home  by yamajiroo 

Our room, he said. Xiao’s brow twitches. Zhongli never said anything about this. But then again, perhaps he should anticipate this from the beginning...

Xiao looks over at Albedo, who is now tilting his head, his look as innocent as ever.

“Are you not okay with sharing a room?”

Comment: College AU for Xiaobedo! One thing that I love this is the slow burn and what made me LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic more is how cute Klee is in this fic. Their relationship in this one is very simple, but that simplicity highlight why their chemistry work. Xiao is someone who was just very gentle, who was largely misunderstood by his lonesome nature. Albedo was someone who like peace and quite in his introvert bubble. And how they respect that bubble that each other has actually made their relationship work. I love it when fic highlight this and this one captures it.

5. I Can't See Your Face From the Other Side of the Classroom by MissWeaver  

When Albedo and Xiao unexpectedly start eating lunch together, they begin to find that they have more in common than anyone would have realized. They both struggle in their own ways with blossoming feelings, too many assignments, and annoying classmates as they navigate a relationship for the first time.

Comment: I’ll be honest, I usually hate high school au just because its so cliche. I don’t even watch and drama/anime surrounds high school student anymore LMAOOO (unless it’s very good). So if there’s an high school AU that I actually keep come back and read after a couple of chapters, it means that the cliche that I hate wasn’t there or barely was there at all. The pinning in this fic makes me want to bang their head together sometimes LMAOOO The tag wasn’t kidding when they said both Xiao and Albedo are bad at feelings. Also that’s a lot of heart broken caused by these two idiots XD

6. new world, same me, same bullshit  by  bobamilkteas (Wes)

At the belly of Dragonspine, Albedo lost control to the festering corruption that permeated his senses and watched, from the recesses of his mind, as his devoured body turned his allies into enemies. Before his rampage reached its climax, he is sealed in a crystalized confinement by the last hand of Reindottir, where he then reawakens centuries after, in a rebooted Teyvat.

Comment: Yeah I know it was list in Orange Dust but here me out. This sets out in an entirely different universe. And if you like Polyamory, this one has Zhongli joining the duo and I love it because I also love ZhongXiao with my life. Time Travel is my biggest kink. Especially when I am the person who love it when people explore Archon War era/ Alatus!Xiao. So this one hits double of my kink. Of course it is still on going and I will bully Wes whenever I can to see that new chapter. Albedo is a total fucking badass in this story and I completely agree from using him in Abyss so often. Everyone should write badass Albedo.

7. misplaced heart of mine by  inkburn           

“If you are ill, then you should be resting at home. In Mondstadt.” He emphasized Mondstadt with a pointed look in his direction.

“I assure you I won’t be troublesome, Adeptus Xiao,” Albedo said, “You’ll find I’m a rather low-maintenance traveler.”

“Travel,” Xiao scoffed, “without airstep?”

Albedo looked him up and down. “Are your legs just for decoration?”

(albedo is sent to liyue on mandatory vacation. xiao is his unfortunate bodyguard.)

Comment: Most of the time you will see Albedo and Xiao starting their relationship with one of them taking interest in another. But this one took another approach, they starting off by make them hating each other’s guts LMAOOOO and I live for every second of it. There’s only 1 chapter so far but wow it was SOOO GOOD. I am really really excited for next chapter and is waiting patiently ;w;

8.  Blossom of Grace  by birdpriestess  

One day in Liyue Harbor, Albedo watches a street performance by an enigmatic dancer named Xiao. And he becomes completely obsessed.

Comment: Have you ever look at Xiao fight and thinking that he’s one of the most beautiful deadly thing ever? How it was like he was dancing around the battlefield? How about actual dancer Xiao being so absolutely beautiful and perfect and that slow burn of Albedo falling in love with that beauty with a touch of Modern AU and cute Ganyu as the Wing woman. Yes, Sparrow delivers yet again another beautiful slow burn and while it’s still ongoing it is worth the read.

9. i think we could make this work (could get used to this) by outspaced               

“Xiao? What are you doing out here?”

“I—”

“It’s raining,” Albedo says, as if it isn’t obvious. “You could get struck by lightning.”

“What are you doing out here then?” Xiao does the only thing he knows how to do, he challenges Albedo. “It’s raining.”

Albedo just hums. “If I get struck by lightning, it’s for science.”

Comment: A short one-shot where I read the summary and went “This is it... this is their relationship.” I am sold immediately. Oh god Albedo why are you like this.

10. Ephemeral by criedprinz        

“It’s not for your investigation, is it?” Aether asked mildly.

Albedo traced a finger around the sketchbook, considering the question. “No,” he admitted finally. “I... I just want to see them again.”

He opened the sketchbook to reveal the drawing he’d just finished. Aether nodded, clearly recognizing the sharp golden eyes.

“Xiao,” he said. “You were rescued by an adeptus.”

When a visit to Dragonspine goes horribly wrong, Albedo is rescued by an unknown stranger, wielding powers he's never heard of. Led on a search to find out who it is, he finds himself in the middle of an unforgettable encounter..

Comment: A really really well written one-shot that I love. The yearning oh godddd the yearning from Albedo side is just so so much that I have to put it here. (I think you can see the trend here lmao. I am a sucker for yearning). And the moment they get to meet each other again is just chef kiss. MWHAA

11. Idle Yaksha, Brilliant Yaksha by Pit0fTheEarth

Alatus didn’t have a lot of responsibilities to keep. He spent most of his days dancing across the sky and eating away all nightmares that plagued a person’s sleep.

But one fortunate encounter led to too many unfortunate ones, taking his carefree existence and plunging it in darkness. His wings, stripped from him. His gentle touch, replaced by an unforgiving grip of destruction.

There was a lot of blood on his hands. With each passing moment, it became harder for Alatus to recall the last time someone gently held him.

Comment: This is one of the ongoing fic where I am very very much excited on the take of Naberius. And the way the author portray Xiao when he’s still the innocent Alatus is just *clench fist*. Baby ;w; Baby why do you have to lose all that innocence. Also the fic has long LONG flashback to Xiao past and his relationship with Naberius. We are unwielding more what happened to both of them and why perhaps does this have to do with Albedo.

That’s it for now, might add more later! Thank you <3

[amethystdarkwolf]

Broken

AU: X Ship: Poly of Eijiro Kirishima, Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, Denki Kaminari, Hanta Sero, and Hitoshi Shinso (This was easier than typing out all the pairings) Prompt: X Requested by: X Warnings: Internalized Acephobia, mentions of sex, non con like elements (Nothing happens though it is mentioned), insecurities and fears of breaking up. If I missed any please let me know! Summary: Eijiro loved his partners. He loved them more than life itself. They were more than accepting of any eccentricities of each other, which is to be expected from a poly of seven different personalities. But he didn’t know if they would accept him when they realized he was broken. F/A/H-C: Hurt/Comfort POV: 3rd, following Eijiro. Word Count: 3,735 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Side Note: Hi, I’m finally back to writing fics, even though it’s for a different fandom now, it’s still something lmao. I may come back to writing Sanders Sides eventually but we shall see. Let me know what you think of it! And I hope you enjoy! 

They are all 3rd years and about to graduate UA! I wasn’t sure if that was considered an au or not but they are of legal age! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eijiro knew there was something about him that was different from his other classmates. Originally he had just blamed all the weirdly delayed interest in any girls, moreso any talk of ‘hooking up’, on him being gay once he finally figured that out. 

But then the thoughts he thought he should have about guys, about doing things with guys never came either. He knew that he found guys attractive, obviously, he developed the biggest crush on two of the most powerful students in his class incredibly quickly after seeing both of their strengths, but whenever he thought about them, about being with them. Nothing sexual came from it. He’s a teenager he should be having these thoughts right? 

He heard Denki talking about some of the guys in the class at one point, saying how hot a few of them were. And, well, Eijiro could agree, however when Denki started going into more detail about what he saw in the locker room, the redhead went silent. He couldn’t see anyone like that, not even two of his most prominent crushes. Was there something wrong? 

He was not able to figure it out until their third year of high school. Now in a relationship that consisted of seven total. Polyamory was a thing introduced to him by Izuku once they had started dating and Eijiro realized he still had feelings for Katsuki after quite some time. He was overjoyed that Izuku had shown him that, moreso that he and Katsuki both agreed to it. 

Not too long later, Izuku realized his feelings for Shoto, and Denki. Eijiro came to these realizations himself later. Denki then had feelings for both Hanta and Hitoshi. After quite a while of this, everyone in the poly was dating everyone. Which made things both a little less complicated and a little more complicated. 

Eijiro loved his partners. He loved them more than life itself. They were more than accepting of any eccentricities of each other, which is to be expected from a poly of seven different personalities. 

But he didn’t know if they would accept him when they realized he was broken. 

He didn’t start off thinking like that. He just thought he was taking longer than everyone else to develop these kinds of feelings towards the others. Denki and Hanta using obviously suggestive flirting with one another while the group was together was to be expected. Then Hitoshi joined in, then Katsuki, Shoto, and eventually Izuku was making remarks that can and were meant to be taken in a not so innocent way. 

Eijiro laughed along with these jokes, he understood them and was fine with them. So he thought there was nothing wrong with him. It wasn’t until the words turned into actions that he came to the realization about himself. 

Katsuki and him were both incredibly physical with their fighting styles. So it’s only natural that every once in a while, their very playful spats would turn into wrestling matches in one of their rooms. 

It was later into the night, a majority of the students were either asleep or down in the common area. Eijiro smirked as he managed to pin Katsuki down onto the floor, his hands grabbed his wrists keeping them pinned beside his head, using his quirk to ensure they stayed there. Both of the boys were a little out of breath panting in eachother's faces. 

Eijiro wasn’t thinking about what position they were in. The fact that he was on top of Katsuki, kneeling on either side of the others lower body was lost on him. Until he realized Katsuki wasn’t continuing to struggle. As the pairs of red eyes met one another, Eijiro noticed the look in his partner’s. They were slightly darkened yet hazy. A look that he recognized instantly. 

The same look he had given Denki before he had pinned him against the wall, marked up his neck so much that the bruises were left for at least two weeks. There was probably more to that story that he hadn’t quite heard, or had subconsciously tuned out due to the nature of it. 

A sickening feeling of panic bubbled up in his stomach, along with a feeling of near disgust. The second he realized it, he jerked away, scrambling off of his boyfriend with a nervous laugh. “Ha! Gotcha, man!” He prayed Katsuki wouldn’t pick up on the tremble of his voice. Katsuki’s expression immediately changed from the look he had before, to one of confusion. He was silent as he seemed to examine the redhead. 

Eijiro had gotten really good at reading Katsuki’s expressions, but there was one he was never able to quite pinpoint. Katsuki’s blank expression. None of his normal anger that seemed to constantly reside on his face, no annoyance, no smugness, absolutely nothing. That was the expression most of his partners tended to worry about when it showed up, just because it was so unreadable. 

That was the expression Kirishima was met with after the confusion seemed to fade. 

“Right.” Katsuki mumbled. 

Eijiro glanced around the room quickly, looking for anything to change the topic or clear the awkward air around them. His eyes caught his bookbag and he grinned, “Oh hey, would you mind uh, helping me study again? I’m getting a little hung up on how some of the equations work.” Please work, please work, please work. 

It did and it didn’t. 

Katsuki hummed, the annoyance finally reading on his face once again. He knew something was up, but he knew that Eijiro was trying to hide it, he could tell. But despite that, he nodded, “Fine. What is it?” 

There was going to be a talk later. It was going to be asked, Eijiro could tell. But now it wasn’t happening. He could only hope that he would have some explanation once the talk did happen. 

---- 

He did come to an explanation. A much worse one than he hoped he would come to and in a much worse way. 

He thought he had it figured out. That he was just awkward about it since he had never tried it, the position he had gotten Katsuki in was weird and that’s all it was. Maybe it would stop being like that once he was prepared to take that step with his partners. They had all waited for one another to be ready before trying anything at all so he figured it would be fine.

That’s all he thought it was. 

Like Katsuki and Eijiro’s playful wrestling matches, Denki and him had something very similar. Only, they were often brought on by Kirishima winning in whatever game they were playing, and Denki tackling him, which led to more of a tickle fight than anything. Both laughing and giggling as they rolled around on the floor. 

Golden eyes met red ones once they calmed down, the electric boy was now above him. Easily Eijiro could push him off, but he was still too giddy from the childlike roll around they had just had to even think about it. Denki leaned down once he caught his breath, placing a small chaste kiss onto Eijiro’s lips. Another small laugh leaving him before he repeated the process. 

Eijiro was fine with this, this was sweet. He returned the kisses gladly, not at all complaining even when it progressed to a full makeout session. This didn’t make him feel uncomfortable. This didn’t make him have that feeling of panic and disgust. Maybe he was better now! Maybe he’s finally over whatever that was! 

He should have known not to be so hopeful. 

He leaned up on his elbows a little, feeling like he couldn’t get enough of his boyfriend’s kiss. He didn’t stop Denki when the other’s hands began to wander down his chest. This felt okay, this felt nice. This was just Denki being touchy. He was used to it. 

Until it wasn’t just that. 

Denki’s hand wandered down, down further past Eijiro’s stomach, as it made its way closer and closer, that feeling came back. Bubbling up much worse than last time, the thought came too quickly, the thought of any of his partners touching him like that, made him immediately tense up. Finally he was getting those thoughts he thought he should have been getting, but now instead of getting aroused by them, all he felt was that gross, uncomfortable and panicky feeling. 

He finally snapped out of his own thoughts when he felt a small shock course through him. He blinked a couple times, feeling hot tears falling down his face. His body was shaking, and in front of him, he saw those golden eyes again. Looking at him with so much worry. 

Eijiro drew his hand away from Denki’s wrist quickly. When had he grabbed him? “Eijiro!” He managed to register that his boyfriend was talking to him. It took him a moment longer to gather his voice enough to respond, “w-wh… what happened?” 

Denki looked even more confused, “You tell me! I-dude I would’ve stopped! You were just suddenly shaking and crying and you jerked my arm away from you! Are you okay?” 

Eijiro nodded after a moment, “Yeah, Yeah sorry, I just kinda freaked out I guess?” That was the only way he could explain it, though it was obvious enough that Denki knew that much. Denki’s expressions were much easier to read than Katsuki. Which only made it that much easier to see the confusion and worry now be joined by hurt. 

“Did… Did you not think I’d stop?” He sounded just as petrified as Eijiro felt currently. Eijiro shook his head immediately, “No! No! I mean-Yes! I knew you would have stopped! I trust you! I just wasn't thinking, I guess…? I don’t really know.” 

Denki nodded, seemingly content with that answer. “Okay, dude. Uh, do you wanna keep playing?” Gesturing over to the forgotten Switch. Eijiro smiled a little and nodded, “Yeah! Can’t wait to kick your ass again!” He said hitting his fists together. 

The blonde grinned, immediately returning back to his normal happy self. “Oh whatever! That last round was a total flub! Doesn’t count!” 

-- 

That night, Eijiro rested his head against his pillow, his mind racing through the events of the day. Something that hadn’t quite clicked in his head finally did. “I trust you” was what he had said in reassuring Denki. Which was true, he trusted all of his partners, he couldn’t have a relationship if he didn’t. 

But, if he couldn’t even bear the thought of the people he trusted with his life, he loved with all of his heart, to touch him like that… Then that wasn’t the problem. Being awkward and nervous wasn’t the explanation. Not being ready wasn’t the explanation. 

Finally he accepted it as tears came to his eyes. “I’m never going to be ready for it…” he murmured to himself. “I’m never going to want that.” 

It made sense, he had never liked the idea before, never thought about it before, and now that it was almost thrown in his face (On accident, Denki of course didn’t know he felt like this and Eijiro couldn’t blame him). He panicked. He wasn’t afraid of it. It didn’t make him nervous. It made him uncomfortable. 

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach, as a sob left his mouth. He wasn’t like any of his partners, he wasn’t like anyone in the class, hell he didn’t even know if there was a possibility of anyone like him being at the school. He’s Broken.

 Quickly remembering that Katsuki was right next door, he grabbed a pillow, biting it in order to muffle himself. 

He was broken, he didn’t feel the things he was supposed to. He didn’t want the things his partners wanted. What most people consider a crucial part of a relationship he couldn’t even think about without feeling sick. 

It hurt, it hurt and ached every part of his being. His partners were all accepting, but they’ll want that. He’d be a horrible partner to deny them something that they’d consider important in the relationship. Why would they bother sticking with him if he wasn’t enough? If he couldn’t make them fully happy what was the point? 

How vividly he could imagine their faces made it so much worse. Izuku would smile softly, try to let Eijiro down slowly, probably even apologizing. Katsuki would be annoyed, thinking he wasn’t tough enough to handle it. Denki would think it was funny and ridiculous. Hanta would be confused, who wouldn’t want to have sex with their partners? Shoto wouldn’t really have any glaring expression, just a simple sigh of dissatisfaction, and Hitoshi would just roll his eyes, like Eijiro had been a waste of time. 

He was pretty sure he had torn open his pillow at this point, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He never wanted to see them like that. He never wanted to lose them just because he was broken. He was supposed to be unbreakable after all! He needed to fix it. There had to be some way to keep that from happening. 

A terrifying thought crossed his mind.

‘If I just force myself through it once, with one of them, and then it’ll be fine after that.’ 

It made him feel sick again, thinking about it. He wouldn’t want it, and he knew his partners would stop and question if they noticed how uncomfortable he was. He sniffled as he continued to debate on it, it would make him feel disgusting, gross and uncomfortable, but it would only be for a little while, and then after that, he could keep his partners, and make sure they’re happy. 

That’s what was most important. 

--- 

He made out a little plan, to try to get himself to go through with this. In his mind it was like training. Trying to think of what he thought of that day with Denki without tensing up. Or at least learning how to hide it. Trying to convince himself that ‘it’ll feel good. It’ll feel good.’ The shaking he wasn’t able to get under control, he could blame that on nervousness though, right? 

He knew which partner he was going to try to initiate this with. The one he had been with the longest. Izuku. He was so sweet, gentle and kind, but was incredibly strong and determined. It would feel safe, comfortable, right? It had to, it was Izuku. 

If Izuku said no, he would go to Katsuki, who he knew would have no problems taking the lead if he teased a little, he would be a lot more to deal with than Izuku though, but if it’ll work then he had to do it. If that didn’t work he would go to Denki, then Hanta, then Shoto and then Hitoshi. Hopefully, Izuku would say yes. He loved and trusted all of his partners, but it would be easiest to handle with Izuku. 

-----

It started off a lot like the other two mishaps. Just some playful roughhousing ending with Eijiro pinning Izuku. Eijiro tried desperately to hide any hint of feeling off, looking up to Izuku’s eyes quickly before kissing him. 

Izuku returned the kiss, and he was both a little surprised and not surprised at all that Izuku was the one to push it to a makeout session. He was hesitating a little and Izuku seemed to be enjoying this. Good. Good. He was doing good. 

He remembered what Denki did with his hands, how he touched him and tried to mimic that on Izuku as best as he could. The memory however, caused that feeling to bubble up again. As he began tracing Izuku’s thighs through the shorts he was wearing, an arm on his own stopped him. He swallowed and looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. 

“Ei…?” His voice was so soft and gentle. 

Eijiro pulled his hands away immediately, “S-sorry, was I-do you not want-I didn’t mean to-” Everything was crumbling. He could feel the barriers he put up beginning to crack and break. The feeling was only getting worse. He’d have to go to Katsuki. 

Izuku shook his head, “No! I-I do, want that! Just… you’re shaking…?” 

Eijiro gave a little fake laugh, “Ah! I’m just, kinda nervous, don’t wanna mess this up.” He lied through his teeth. Izuku smiled so gently again, “Don’t worry too much, it’s okay, I’m here.” he murmured comfortingly, the hand that had grabbed Eijiro’s forearm moved down to hold his hand. 

The redhead let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.” The sickening feeling only bubbled up once more once he continued. Now placing kisses down Izuku’s neck, while his hand went back to tracing up and down his boyfriend’s body. 

He could feel the trembling get worse. He tried to swallow down the panic that was trying to force itself through him as he scraped his teeth against Izuku’s neck. He reached a spot right where his neck and shoulder meet that made Izuku breathe heavier, and whine, right next to Eijiro’s ear. He had no chance. 

Hearing the sound was so different than just the touch. With the touch he could try to think of something else to keep from breaking, but with that noise it shot him right back. Making him realize exactly what he was doing. Exactly what he was about to force himself to do. It was too much. It was all too much. 

The barrier broke. 

The tears and sick feeling he had been trying to hold back now came in full force. He withdrew his hands from Izuku but kept his face in his neck for a moment as he let the tears fall. Izuku tensed under him. Strong arms immediately came to wrap around him. “Ei?” he asked again. His voice sounded so much more panicked than before.

Sounded like Denki did, concern, worry and panic.

Eijiro shook his head, “I-I’m… I’m so sorry, Izuku. I tried, I really did. But I can’t.” the words managed to get choked out between sobs. “I can’t do it, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m broken.” 

He couldn’t see Izuku’s face, but with the silence he could only imagine what he had thought of when he first came up with this plan. The soft smile, ready to let him down slow. To end things with him. He deserved it anyways, for not being enough. He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to see it when he felt Izuku start to pull away.

Suddenly he was being picked up, and placed on the bed. “Ei… Look at me, please.” Izuku’s voice was shaking, that he wouldn’t pick up until later. But he didn’t need to. Once he finally managed to open his eyes and look at Izuku’s face. The thought of Izuku letting him down slow with that smile vanished instantly.  

Izuku had tears in his eyes too. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to hold him more at that moment. “Please, just breathe, okay? Then we can talk, I’m just confused.” He was more than confused. Eijiro could see it. But he accepted that for now. And slowly worked through calming himself down from the panic attack. 

He looked back at Izuku and nodded, “‘m okay to talk now…” 

Izuku smiled at him, genuinely luckily, and nodded back. “Okay, please tell me what you meant by that…?” 

Eijiro looked off to the side, not wanting to meet those sad green eyes again as he gathered his thoughts to explain. 

“I never, ever really, felt anything like that towards anyone. Whenever I’d get a crush, I couldn’t even imagine anything like that with them… This is just how I’ve been. And I just thought that eventually, I’d get those feelings. They didn’t come. And when I fell for all of you, I thought, okay maybe once I’m comfortable with them, maybe it’s just because I’m nervous at the thought of it that it was like that… But I am comfortable with all of you, I trust all of you.” 

He sniffled, rubbing at his eye as he could feel more tears threatening to spill. 

“I realized that I probably won’t ever want to do anything like that. Or be comfortable with it. Even when it came to you guys, any thought of that I felt… Gross and uncomfortable and panicky. But, I know a lot of people, most people say that that is an important part in a relationship. And-And I didn’t… Didn’t want to be a bad boyfriend. I want you guys to be happy and satisfied and content and… all of that… and if you all wanted that to be happy, then… you wouldn’t want me…” 

“Eijiro…” Izuku’s voice was barely above a whisper, in more shock than actually wanting to get his attention or stop his talking. 

“So I thought, maybe. Maybe if I can just bare it once. Then I’d stop feeling that way. But, I-I couldn’t… so…” He finally let the tears fall as he shrugged. That was the end, he was expecting Izuku to agree with him. But when he looked up at Izuku’s face.

There were tears falling at a rapid pace down his pretty freckled cheeks, his mouth was slightly open in shock. “Eijiro… Can-Can I hug you?” Eijiro barely let him finish his sentence before he practically lept at Izuku. Holding him tightly, Izuku held him just as tight. 

“You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel like that, it doesn’t matter. None of us will think any less of you for that. We love you. It isn’t about sex or anything! We love you. Please, please don’t force yourself, if one day you do feel okay to try then that’s okay! If not? Then that’s also okay. You aren’t broken, Eijiro. You’re perfect.” 

Eijiro sobbed as Izuku spoke, murmuring ‘Thank you’s and ‘I love you’s between breaths and sobs. They stayed like that until both of them fell into a comfortable silence. Cuddling and holding one another, perfectly content. 

That night Izuku introduced him to a new term. One that meant exactly what Eijiro had thought was him being ‘broken’. The term was ‘Asexual’. He wasn’t broken, he wasn’t wrong, he’s Asexual. 

Now, many years later, as a pro-hero that is married to his partners, Eijiro wears that label with pride.

[crimeronan]

[redacted] asked: do you acc like pynch but the reason you don't talk about it is because of the toxicity of the fandom? u can answer this privately btw so u don't get attacked!!! (and also maybe so i don't get attacked) if you want to

-

posting publicly but leaving ur url out, friend! with some of the fandom nonsense that's gone down the past few days i've wanted an opportunity to explain myself more clearly

i do like pynch very much! over at my ao3 (elliptical), you will find well over 200k words of pynch fic. i also like the ot6 very much. i believe that ronan and adam are healthiest with a strong support network, whether that's platonic or not. i am polyamorous myself and have four partners. because of these combined factors, i almost exclusively write polyamorous pynch

i shitpost a lot about "why ship pynch when [x] is better" and the like, and that is 100% related to fandom toxicity. i think it's funny as hell

i care more about ronan and adam as individuals than i do about their relationship, which might set me apart from some shippers. if breaking up would be good for their character growth then i would (and will) SCREAM for a breakup. FROTH for one. DO IIIIIT

i am NOT joking when i say that ronan's experience of monogamy is toxic. i think there has been miscommunication here so i am going to try to set the record straight

in a healthy monogamous relationship, the partners establish & respect boundaries, communicate openly, and lean on each other for support. they do not self-isolate and shut the other out and keep secrets and lie and self-destruct because they don't feel good enough. mister impossible is 300 pages expressly stating, over and over, "WHAT RONAN IS DOING IS NOT GOOD. THIS IS NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP."

the definition of a healthy polyamorous relationship is exactly the same. boundaries, communication, support. the main difference between a poly and monogamous relationship is that in a poly relationship, the boundaries involve also loving/being with other people. in a monogamous relationship, the partners have mutually agreed that they are not comfortable with this.

the solution to ronan's problems is not to just open his relationship and see what happens. (people have tried to do this to salvage their toxic relationships and it is always DISASTROUS.) but IF ronan is able to get to a healthy place with adam, he will ALSO be in a place where he CAN negotiate polyamory, if he wants to.

(or he might say hey, i've given it some thought, and i've decided this would make me uncomfortable/unhappy. i want a closed relationship. <-healthy communication and expression of needs!)

do i think ronan is in a place, canonically, where he can have a healthy poly relationship? nah. here's the thing, though. ronan is also not in a place where he can have a healthy monogamous relationship.

he's got shit to deal with! i care deeply about him, and i relate very much to him, which is why i like writing his process of Dealing With That Shit. and i like writing polyamory because i am polyamorous and it makes me happy.

fandom toxicity has gotten really ugly in the past few days. it's partly my fault, i openly engaged with someone when i shouldn't have. they made it very clear that they had no interest in changing their opinion and would continue to disrespect me no matter what i said, which is the point at which i should have blocked and moved on. people are welcome to keep talking shit about me. i'm done with believing i could ever stop them

there have been some straight-up lies spread around about things i or my friends have said/done, though, so this post is mainly to clear the air. please refer to it for my Actual opinions on polyamory vs monogamy (and pynch in general) before believing the griping of people who exclusively interact in bad faith.

to conclude, i like pynch in canon and some fic. i have strong opinions about it and i don't like some of the fandom attitudes surrounding their relationship. i am going to continue writing what i want (whether it features pynch or not) because it makes me happy. i am not going to apologize for that. people interested in my takes on pynch relationship negotiation can browse my ao3, i've poured all my feelings WAY more deeply into fic than i do shitposts.

[nightwings-bussy]

guess who's still on their bullshit? it's me. it's always me. i'm going to talk about why dickkorybabs is a fantastic ship and you should ship it, let's just go character by character

dick. dickie boy. sweet richard john grayson. you're so queer and they just don't know what to do with you, do they. you're so queer that your serial monogamy in every comic since the 90's literally comes off not as "playboy" behavior but as honest to god suspicious, like the writers understand that if they leave you single for so much as a panel or two, it'll become way too obvious how gay you are. but no matter who they shack you up with, who your gf of the week is (and im sure they're lovely but let's be real... they're a placeholder) none of them compare to your Two Great Character Defining Loves. but also no one can fuckin agree on which of those Loves is supposed to be your one and only and as such neither can you - not because you don't love them both profoundly, but because you DO, often at the same time. that's poly as fuck baby. that's just fine.

because barbara and kori are both spectacular, but they each speak to something very different in dick: babs speaks to dick's foundation, to long held, precious bonds, to his loyalty to the family, to his place as the Prodigal Son, detective, prom king, goofball. babs is designed as dick's perfect counterbalance, the first girl he ever crushed on, the one who's known him almost a little too well for a little too long.

kory, on the other hand, speaks to dick's growth, his ascension as a leader, his independence, the formation of a new, strong identity that's all his own. kory has been a part of so many conversations for dick about who he's trying to become. babs and dick carry a lot of the same baggage - they've endured many of the same unkindnesses, survived under the same man's immense expectations and pressure, and that gives them a lot of common ground. in contrast, kory's never lived under batman's thumb, and dick has to fight off a lot of his more bruce-like impulses around her; kory helps dick embrace the emotional core of himself that bruce never could. she celebrates his openness, his softness, his emotional and physical neediness in a way he always thought he had to keep hidden. kory and babs have different access points to dick's heart, his vulnerability. and at his best, dick is an amazing partner to them both: dedicated and charming, deeply affectionate, funny and excited about them, trusting, respectful, in awe of them, confident in them, protective but not overbearing, a strong advocate and partner who's deeply and tirelessly interested in them.

but dick has a dark side that all his friends and lovers eventually see, and it manifests strongly with both of them. with babs, dick's biggest struggle seems to be his ability to trust her with his whole self, to be kind and fair to her in his darker moments, and (debatably) to be loyal when the chips are down. with kory, it's a constant struggle with his baggage; his difficulty expressing himself or be emotionally vulnerable after a childhood spent with a guy who rarely does either, his difficulty trusting anyone as much as he trusts his family, his conflicting cultural values around relationships and violence. without growth on his part, all of these issues represent a big hurdle to any real attempt at long-term relationships with either of them.

but triangles are the most stable shape for a reason.

let's cover this quickly, because i truly feel this is the easiest part to wrap your head around: there is absolutely no way, in the hands of a writer who knows anything, that kory and babs are not attracted to each other. it's simply impossible. babs is 100% kory's type (proud, stubborn, brilliant, competent, red head, warrior), and meanwhile babs is a lesbian with a singular exception. name me one lesbian who wouldn't be all over starfire given the opportunity. you can't. we don't exist.

also, on a personality level, kory and babs are just SO complimentary - kory's smart and strong and resourceful, and so is babs. babs is snarky and brave and domineering, and so is kory. babs has known the bitter pain of loneliness and isolation from ones family by a situation largely beyond your control. so has kory. kory has known the struggle of creating a new family and trying over and over to explain yourself to people who may not understand or accept you. so has babs. you could circle again and again why they're so good for each other, but you could also sum it up with the fact that they both deeply love the same man, and they could easily love one another just as deeply.

and then you start to realize how many problems it solves. queer dick? he's here baby. kory opens him right up - issues with being vulnerable? dealt with. issues trusting babs with his true self? kory says honesty only in this household. issues with loyalty? welcome to normalized polyamory, says our tamaranean princess. is he being a cunt to babs when he gets grumpy? now she has an advocate, bc kory never lets dick get away with that shit.

and with kory it's the exact same. dick struggles to be emotionally available bc of his weirdo dad? yeah, that's okay - babs speaks dick-ese. dick can't trust anyone the way he trusts family? babs is here to back kory up and make sure dick understands she IS family. dick has issues working through his conflicting cultural values with kory? well babs is a damn professional at overseeing Dialogues(TM), let her at him.

and on top of all that it's FUCKING CUTE. lose the jealousy subplots and the cheating subplots and just let kory and babs fall in love already - give dick the femdom supremacy lifestyle he so desperately craves. like it's just amazing how rarely i see this pairing when it's this gd good like WHERE are my dickkorybabs fic recs. where are they

[thirdhandidiot]

Yes I’m here to offer domestic dialucibarb. No I havnt gotten any further on the Young Dialuci au. What you gonna do?

This is just 1.9k of unapologetic soft idiots in love

•The three of them are like your typical old married couple, except with wings and horns and oh dear, they’re arguing over who has to get up to make more tea

•Barb and Lucifer lovingly bicker a LOT, much to Diavolo’s amusement. It will be over the most trivial things that neither of them really care about either, they just enjoy trying to one up eachother verbally. Lucifer once threatened to throw Barbatos out a window, absolutely not meaning it, but Barb taunted him, telling him he probably couldn’t even pick him up, he’s so skinny and all he ever does is paper work and there’s no way he’d ever hurt him, never mind have the physical strength required. Lucifer absolutely decides he’s going to take it personally and lunges, picking Barbatos clean off the floor, bridal style, triumphant smirk lighting up his face, only to immediately realise that Barb has wrapped his arms around his neck to make sure he doesn’t fall. They’re both immediately far too flustered to do anything after that, just staring at eachother in shock, remaining there for what feels like hours until Diavolo walks in and coos at them, taking hundreds of pictures whilst the pair get impossibly more red. The image ends up Diavolo’s Home Screen, and don’t be fooled, he treasures all images of his boyfriends, especially together, but this one, he thinks, will always be a favourite

•They’re all sappy in their own ways, but mostly Diavolo, he is shameless. He will talk about ‘his darling boyfriends’ at any given opportunity, and more. Whilst it’s rather sweet to see him so passionate and so happy in love, it gets rather inconvenient in meetings when everyone just wants to go home. The brothers are particularly upset by this as whilst the gossip about Lucifers love life was fun at first, they’re rather bored of hearing how cute Lucifer is he wakes up, and they’re still a little scared of what Barbatos might do if they end up hearing too much. And that’s not all, Dia loves tropey dates that he read about in books and imagined going on with the two of them before they got together, his favourite being picnics, which he adores. He and Barbatos will spend hours in the kitchen preparing a sweet lunch date for Lucifer (by which Barb does all the preparations and Diavolo provides ‘moral support’ in the form of kisses and trying to steal bits of food only to get caught everytime and punished with more kisses- needles to say this is not an effective punishment to persuade him to stop)

•Barbatos relaxes a lot more when he’s off the clock, even having gently bullied Diavolo into making HIM tea, even if it’s not as good, after all, he’s been working all day and he’s tired. When they first got together he always felt guilty asking anything of Diavolo, feeling that it was an imbalance to their dynamic, but he quickly comes to see that Diavolo loves the chance to try to do things for him, even if they aren’t nearly as efficient or well done. Diavolo just wants to look after his boys like they do him and this usually comes in the form of serving them cute biscuits he found and hid until that moment just to see them smile

•Lucifer gets stressed easily and puts up a near flawless front of professionalism and dedication to his work, however Barb has spent decades doing the same and is always the first to tell when Luci needs to take a break. Whilst Barb has strict ‘off the clock‘ hours, Lucifer has tried to bring paper work to bed multiple times, frustrating the other two to no end. Despite that, Lucifer has gotten a lot better at taking care of himself ever since he realised how happy it made his partners, and it’s not like he minds spending more time with them, infact subtly asking lucifer if he wants couch cuddles is the fastest way to get him to leave his work, the man is tired and desperately craves affection, not that he likes to admit it, but they all know

•Barbatos has a strange fondness for human conspiracy documentaries, and Diavolo is prone to believing an awful lot of them. Barb loves to tell Diavolo that they’re real, convincing him that ‘Yes all birds are spies darling, is that not common knowledge?‘ or ‘The human realm has underground lizard people, didn’t you know love? The do all of Earth’s admin work, someone has to‘ This leads to an awful lot of misunderstandings that usually Lucifer clears up. He pretends to be annoyed but when he walks into the front room to see his Barb lying on top of Diavolo, enthusiastically telling him that there’s aliens in Area 51 whilst Diavolo stares back, mouth open in shock, he doesn’t stop them, just presses a kiss to each of their foreheads and goes to make hot chocolates for everyone and brings blankets back with him, making a note of whatever it is that Dia is about to believe so that he can make sure that damage control can be done ahead of time. (He finds it cute when Diavolo tries to tell his brothers about it, Mammon falling hook line and sinker for each one. The others are more sceptical until Diavolo says that Barbatos told him, at which point they just end up confused, surely Barbatos wouldn’t lie to Lord Diavolo? (He would if it was funny))

•When Lucifer moved out, Levi sent him an old console under the guise that it was for Diavolo, who had expressed an interest in learning to play various games. Dia absolutely loves it, and lucifer really is very competitive.. the two of them can be found trying to distract the other whilst playing mariokart, resorting to pushing, biting and even a few instances of manifesting wings to try block the others view of the screen. As soon as one of them has as good as lost they’ll switch to just making the others game as hard as possible. There’s nothing raunchy about the wrestling match that breaks out as a result, Barb has decided it’s a good form of physical therapy for them both and just records them. He has a file of ‚blackmail‘ that they all know he will never use, it’s mostly just a folder of cute but embarrassing pictures and videos of Luci and Diavolo. (Diavolo has Barb send him everything, he loves to watch it back)

•None of them are particularly ‘flamboyant‘ although Diavolos love for human world festivals has landed them at various pride festivals before. Lucifer was mostly confused seeing as sexuality isn’t an issue in the Devildom, neither is ‘polyamory’, a concept he’d never spared much thought to. Diavolo is delighted to see Humans celebrating love and feeds off the positivity (he also gets hit on a lot, but after spending just ten seconds with him it’s obvious he’s already madly in love and that there’s no separating him from the slightly alarmed looking men loitering behind him that he proudly calls his boyfriends). Barbatos is constantly trying not to get lost, it’s busy and he ends up having to hold on to someone at all times. It’s not his fault, he can’t use magic here and there’s no other way to combat the crowds, Lucifer stop smirking he isn’t short it’s just that you’re both bloody giants, Lucifer you’re encouraging Diavolo, p l e a s e. Dia loves it though because it gives him an excuse to cling to his boyfriends all day and people will randomly tell him how lucky he is, he absolutely agrees

•Both Barbatos and Lucifer have threatened Diavolo with bodily harm at some point after they’ve been woken up by one of his stray limbs in the night. The two of them sleep quite comfortably next to eachother, occasionally with an arm or leg over the other, but no matter how Diavolo falls asleep he ends up in a dreadfully confusing position that no one really wants to question. Unfortunately he also tends to gravitate towards the heat of the others too, making them easy targets Diavolo’s heavy limbs. He’s always sure to apologise when he finds out in the morning, even if he finds their grumpy faces quite amusing. He won’t laugh out loud though because one time Barb was so disgruntled when he woke up that he bit the hand that was smothering his face and Diavolo ended up having to have his hand bandaged in the middle of the night. Needless to say that Lucifer was both confused and concerned when he woke up (and a little proud, he’s extra nice to Barbatos all day, who feels a little guilty about it, even if Diavolo was ok)

•Diavolo and Barb will wind lucifer up deliberately, and whilst he is entirely aware what’s happening, he indulges them. Diavolo will convince the brothers to try some kind of scheme that they wouldn’t be able to pull off without him, but makes sure it’s never taken too far, and Barbatos will egg Lucifer on as soon as he finds out about whatever minor inconvenience has befallen him. He won’t admit it, but it makes Lucifer incredibly happy to see his brothers take such a shine to his partners, and whilst he wishes they’d have a little more trust in Barbatos, Barb assures him that he isn’t upset and that it can be used to spook the brothers a little. There will be weekly ‚family meals‘ which always seem a great idea before hand, he somewhat misses living with his brothers after all, but always result in him going home with a headache. He’s grown used to the loving and (mostly) calm presence of his beloved, so seeing his brothers hurling both insults and occasionally food or assorted table wear at eachother, has a tendency to infuriate him. (He hasn’t realised that they act up more when he’s there)

•Dia Is obsessed with matching couples things and is constantly trying to find things for the three of them, but due to lower supply, they end up being so much tackier and non sensical. Barbatos genuinely despises them, but opts to say nothing because of how happy Diavolo is. Lucifer knows this and whilst he isn’t exactly a fan either, he indulges Dia just to tease Barb. (They do all have matching keychains tho, with different charms. Diavolos has a little teacup and a feather, Lucifers has a crown and a cake and Barbatos‘ has a pickle and a peacock. He was the one who got them to make up for all the hideous ideas Diavolo had, and delighted in seeing Diavolos pouty face when he realised what Barb had chosen. He did end up also adding a golden heart tho, somewhat pacifying Diavolo)

•Whilst it’s usually Diavolo who initiates longer cuddles, Barb likes to wrap his arms around his lovers from behind, pressing his forehead into their shoulder blades. He finds is comforting to be so close whilst allowing the other to continue with whatever they were doing before. Before leaving he will stretch to place a kiss on the back of their neck, a silent reminder of his love. Most of the time Barbatos is very quiet, opting to watch, and it’s only when he’s relaxed that he becomes chatty. Both Luci and Dia recognise this and can’t help but feel special whenever Barbatos is particularly talkative, and Barb is grateful that they don’t ask questions and love him for who he is

•Lucifer absolutely initiates the most ‚traditional‘ kisses, he’s proud of his partners and wants everyone to know that they’re his. He’s also a bit of a traditional romanticist when given the chance, leaving bouquets of various flowers, with the meanings for each attached on a handwritten card, a line of poetry and an elaborate signature. If he ever gets given flowers back he melts a little and keeps them on his desk as long as possible, before pressing the best looking ones. He has notebooks just filled with pressed flowers that he treasures. He doesn’t know that Diavolo and Barbatos both know about the notebooks and is convinced he’s slick

•Some nights the three of them will get drunk together and spend hours giggling and pressing kisses to eachothers faces and feeding them fancy chocolates. They half lay half sit on a slightly too small couch that they never replace for a more suitably sized one. Diavolo will slowly reach across to brush Lucifers fringe out of his eyes before gently caressing his face and pulling him in for a long slow kiss that tastes of expensive demonus and the orange sweets that Diavolo keeps on his desk. Barbatos is more than content to sit and watch his two gorgeous boyfriends kiss for a few minutes before they both turn their attention to him and decorate his face with kisses, across his cheeks and forehead, straying down to his chin and up to his eyelids, trying to convey all their love for eachother in adoring looks and heads pressed into necks

@softrealism Thankyou for inspiring me to post xx

[stellarfoam]

“I love you.”

“I’ve seen you a lot.”

an abruptly-ended 3k WIP of beau/yasha/jester polyamory negotiations written around episode 70. below the cut for length.

“You know,” Jester began in that hesitant way of hers, fidgeting with her pen then her dress then her hands, “Mama often saw more than two people at once.”

Beau stared, unblinking, her arms crossed to signal confusion and that she wasn’t liking the feeling. There was a beat of silence before she replied with, “Yeah, of course she did.”

Jester sighed, looking frustrated and momentarily upset before finally looking up at Beau. “No, I mean, they both knew -- it was agreed --” She broke off, angry. Angry at not being able to explain, angry at Beau for not understanding, angry at herself for not being able to describe her feelings and hiding, always hiding --

“Hey, Jester, it’s okay,” Beau broke in with a hand on her shoulder. Jester had curled in on herself, arms wrapped around her knees, and she felt her shoulders sink from near her ears to where shoulders usually were. Beau looked confused still, now with the addition of concern. Jester tried not to let herself feel warm with such evidence of caring, she really did, but she failed (like usual).

Jester stared at the ground glumly, thinking. Beau sat next to her, leaning back on one hand and staring at the fire. It was warm here, from the flames and from Beau’s presence. Beau politely pretended not to feel the transfer of blue eyes from analyzing the dirt to memorizing the way a shadowed jawbone curved.

“I haven’t had to share a whole lot,” Jester tried again, and let her fingers dance and wriggle along the patterns of her dress. Her eyes fell to the squares there and the way the fire created valleys over the wrinkles and creases. Her dresses at home never had to be wrinkled for more than a day. And hadn’t Beau looked like something or someone from another life, dressed in a red that looked better against dark brown skin than it ever had against blue? The thought inspires her enough to add her true point: “I could learn to share though. For you.”

Beau frowned, her face blinking and twitching as Jester watched her silently cycle through her various reply options. “I don’t - I think - you share fine already, Jes. You don’t have to learn to share for me.” A pause. “Especially not for me.”

Jester nodded in a way that meant she very much disagreed. Her back straightened and she faced Beau with a sigh. “I think I do though,” she argued. She tried for light tones, or something firm, but all she sounded was resigned and sad. That wouldn’t do at all.

“No, you don’t,” Beau replied, and her voice was firm. “You don’t have to do anything for me Jester, especially not something you do” - and here she waved her arms around - “already.”

Jester’s mouth turned up at the corners at the sight, but she wasn’t swayed. “You deserve the world, Beau,” she said. She watched the fondness of her words, the absolute truth weighed in them, sink into Beau. It seemed to make her sink. It also seemed to make her float.

“Yeah well,” Beau sighed. “You do too.” And her little half-smile cut Jester’s heart clean open and sealed it up again with something warm and clear.

“Thanks, Beau,” she said, and then giggled, ducking her head. It was hard to stay sad and resigned with Beau here next to her. If Beau was with her, Jester thought she could handle anything and everything - or at least, knew she had someone to tell her that she didn’t have to handle everything.

They sat together in their warm silence until Jester’s smile faded back to what it had been. She wasn’t the only one who found her world more manageable with Beau.

There was Caleb, of course, and Fjord - their friendships with each other were important to all involved. But it wasn’t friendship she meant, and with the looks from one beautiful Yasha Nydorin, Jester could no longer pretend that Yasha and her meant friendship with Beau.

Yasha. Beautiful, tall, strong Yasha. She was quiet, steady like the constancy of the ocean, ephemeral as the foam Jester would watch fizzle on the sand and disappear. Violent like its storms, soft like waves against an arm stretched out from a boat, seeking something. Jester couldn’t help but feel drawn to Yasha, try and figure her out; she was a mystery, a wonder, and a friend. (She was also lost.)

But that didn’t matter. Not right now. What mattered was the looks Yasha and Beau would send each other when they thought no one was looking, or when they couldn’t bring themselves to care. What mattered was Beau’s physical attraction being joined slowly, surely, by platonic and then romantic interest. What mattered was the same happening in Yasha’s slow, glacial, slightly reluctant way.

Jester thought the both of them knew.

Jester also thought they would never do anything about it.

See, the thing was, Jester was in the way. She was friends with them, maybe sort of slightly in love with Beau, and trying for the second time in her life to not fall in love with someone else. Jester didn’t think that Beau should have to choose, and Jester was far too selfish to give up so easily. So: the plan.

Tell Beau that she had two hands and should use them (haha).

Tell Yasha that Beau was interested and that she should join them.

And then reconcile the fact Jester was going to be sharing two of nine of her favorite people with each other. (Okay six of them already shared each other, but this was different.)

Step one was watching Beau for a good time to talk, and then sitting by the fire, and then next up was Yasha. Jester didn’t know why such a good plan turned so difficult when actually faced with words and cues.

“Beau,” Jester tried a third time. “You know Yasha likes you, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Beau replied, gruffly interpreting the statement as platonic. “I like her too.” There’s a moment where Jester opens her mouth and Beau beats her to the punch with a question of her own. “You like her too, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course I do!” Jester answered, knowing she was far too flustered in her response, especially compared to Beau’s crossed armed stoicness.

“Good. That’s good.” Beau nodded to herself sharply and stared at the fire. Maybe she was looking for answers. Jester had tried that a time or two herself.

“I think she likes you, Beau,” Jester pressed, and couldn’t help a giggle and a teasing smile.

“Yeah, well,” Beau replied, fighting a smile and failing. “I like - I mean, who could blame her?” She flexed her arms, her tongue sticking out past a teasing smile of her own. “I’m the whole package.”

Jester giggled, then laughed, then felt her expression fade into something softer. “You are, Beau,” she replied gently. Her eyes met Beau’s, but only for a moment, before Beau looked away.

“You keep doing that, Jester,” Beau said. Jester couldn’t tell whether Beau was still joking or if she was frustrated about something.

“Keep doing what?” Jester asked, her head tilting to one side. Her hair fell in front of her eyes, and she blew out a breath in annoyance to try and get them to move.

“Just…,” Beau motioned to Jester with a hand. Jester stared blankly. Beau sighed. “What do you want from me, Jester?”

Jester frowned, hurt. “What do you mean?”

“I mean -- Jester, are you in love with me?”

Jester’s heart stopped, and her lungs followed suit. Her eyes refused to blink, her muscles clenched, and she tried to decide if she needed to run or burrow down into her blankets and refuse to come out. She managed a shaky breath, squeaked out a sound, but couldn’t otherwise say anything but, “What?”

Beau’s lips thinned and she looked angry. About what, about who, Jester didn’t have the brainpower to guess right then. She looked back at the fire with a harsh motion and ran a hand through her undercut. It needed trimming, Jester thought. “Never mind,” Beau asked. “Stupid question - I shouldn’t have asked - I’m --”

“Yeah, Beau. I think I am.”

Another time freeze, another pair of lungs stopped. Beau’s neck cracked as she looked back at Jester again. Jester, who found herself breathing more freely now, and who was filled with the calm of certainty and the reassurance of a choice finally made.

Now it’s Beau who could only choke out a question, who could hardly seem to breathe, and Jester smiled. “I’m in love with you,” she repeated, her smile only growing larger and warmer and brighter. She laughed. “I’m in love with you, Beau.”

Beau stared and tried to stammer a reply. “I’m - I love - you too -”

“It’s okay, Beau,” Jester said softly, reaching out a hand to tap one of Beau’s gently. “You don’t have to say it back.”

“But I want to,” Beau croaked.

“It’s okay,” Jester said. “You have time.” She grinned. “Besides, I have other news too.”

Beau at this point looked like she could be blown over by a stiff wind. “What’s that,” she managed to ask.

Jester leaned in, still smiling. “I think Yasha is falling in love with you, too,” she whispered.

Beau almost fell over, caught herself, and then sat with her hands in her lap. Then she covered her face with them, groaned, and refused to do anything more for long enough that Jester got worried. “Beau?” she asked, peering under the hands covering Beau’s face for any sign of the thought processing going on under there.

Beau groaned.

Jester frowned. This wasn’t how she had planned things on going - not by any stretch of the imagination.

“Do you… not like Yasha?” Jester ventured. She could have sworn the blooming romance went both ways, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe she had read too much into it. Maybe she wasn’t as good at this as she thought -

“It’s not that,” Beau finally mumbled past her hands.

“So what is it?” Jester asked, her head tilting again and her bangs falling in her eyes again.

Beau hesitated, then blurted it out with a loud explosion of sound and arm movement. “Two of you?” she yells.

Jester flinched back, then stared. “Four if you count Reani and Keg,” she finally replied. The reminder left a bitter taste in her mouth, and Jester wished she hadn’t brought it up.

Beau buried in head in her hands and groaned again. “I can’t do this,” she mumbled.

Jester felt her heart plummet to the soles of her feet, which is a challenge since she was sitting. “Oh,” she murmured past numb lips. “Okay.”

Beau’s head again went snapping up. “Not like that!” she rushed to reassure her. “I just - two - three of - me? You all - me?”

Jester felt her brow furrow. “Yes?” she confirmed, confused as to why this was a sticking point.

Beau’s hands and arms moved wildly again. “But - I’m just - me. Just Beau.”

Jester shrugged. “Just Beau is enough.”

The answer seemed to stun Beau, again, and Jester was beginning to worry about getting through this conversation all in one night. “Look, Beau --”

Beau held up a hand. “Hang on. I have to think.” Jester nodded, and let there be silence for a few minutes. Night had truly taken hold now, painting the sky black and dark purple, and she stared up at the unfamiliar constellations. She thought Caleb might know what they were. She didn’t feel the need to ask.

“So,” Beau began, “you love - you’re in love with - you think you’re in love with me.”

Jester nodded.

“And you think Yasha is also in love with me.”

“I think she’s currently falling in love with you,” Jester corrected.

“Right. Yasha is falling in love with me.”

Jester nodded. “You got it!” she replied cheerfully.

“And you’re not jealous of this because…?”

“Oh I am!” Jester again corrected, still cheerful.

Beau stared, then analyzed, then stared some more. “Okay I’m still confused,” she said.

“Yasha likes you, you like her, I like you, and you like - me?” Jester bit her lip, still feeling uncertain about it despite Beau’s earlier reassurance.

“Yeah, I - I like you, Jester,” Beau said. “I just - this seems more like a tragedy than something to be happy about.”

Jester sighed and leaned back on her hands. “I don’t know,” she mused, looking up at the sky. “I think it could be something really cool.”

Beau was quiet for a moment, and Jester didn’t look at her. “...How are you saying we should do this?” Beau asked quietly as if she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to be heard. As if she wasn’t sure she should even be asking.

“I mean, knowing us, it’s probably gonna be really complicated and messy and weird at first,” Jester pointed out. “But I think it could also be really cool! And I think we should try it.”

“And what should we try, Jester?” Beau’s soft fondness, her surfacing curiosity, her unmasked worry, makes Jester look over. She found herself held captive by Beau’s expression and eyes, and couldn’t bring forth enough want to set herself free.

“You and me and Yasha,” she replied softly. “Together. Holding hands, talking, sharing. Kissing, if we want.” Jester giggled and couldn’t stop the flush on her cheeks. She also didn’t think about how her brain brought up what Yasha’s lips might feel like under hers.

Beau looked at Jester for a long time, though it could have been seconds. She was looking for something, Jester figured, and held still so Beau could find whatever it was she needed to find. “You think we could do this?” she asked finally.

Jester nodded. “I think we could.”

Beau looked at the space between the two of them and nodded slowly. “Okay,” she whispered, and then added with more strength, “okay.”

“Okay?” Jester asked, a grin taking over her face.

“Okay,” Beau echoed and began to grin as well. Then she stopped and began to frown instead. “Have you talked to Yasha about this?”

Jester winced slightly and sighed. “No,” she replied glumly. “I wanted to talk to you first. Seeing as you’re in the middle, and all.” She nudged Beau lightly with her elbow, and could only grin seeing a large blush take over Beau’s face.

“We should uh, we should go do that,” Beau stammered. She looked around frantically for Yasha - Jester thought it was funny she was trying to escape. Like that would happen now that Jester finally had her, and now that there would be two of them to hold her down and make sure she was okay.

“She’s out in the woods,” Nott piped up from nearby. Her large yellow eyes stared into Jester’s as she yelped in surprise.

“Have you - have you been here the whole time?” Beau asked. She didn’t seem concerned or surprised which Jester figured was fair considering it was Nott.

“Long enough,” Nott replied cryptically, taking a swig from her flask. Jester looked at the flask disapprovingly, and Nott caught her glance and scowled. “I’ll need this drink if the two of you go wandering off for shenanigans!” Nott moved her glare to Beau. “It’s your job to keep an eye on them. You know what happened the last time they went off together.”

“This is different!” Jester protested. She felt like she had to defend her honor, and also felt like the dark was suddenly far too imposing and the world too big. Beau only nodded, looking fond, and grabbed Jester’s hand.

“I’ll keep track of her,” Beau promised, glancing at Jester with a small grin.

“Gross!” Nott exclaimed. “Don’t have sex in the woods, the leaves and dirt get everywhere.”

Fjord paused from where he had been collecting more firewood for the night and frowned. “Who’s having sex in the woods? And how would you know, Nott?”

“No one’s having sex in the woods!” Nott yelled. “And you don’t know me, Fjord. You don’t know what me and my husband got up to…”

Fjord, smart folk that he was, decided not to inquire further and only nodded as he made his way back to the fire. Caduceus looked up at him with a slow smile and pulled out incense, leaving Nott and Caleb on the next watch.

“You and Caleb got this?” Jester asked, just to be sure, already standing and moving towards the woods.

“Of course we do,” Nott said, waving her concerns off with a flapping hand. “And Yasha went that way.”

“Right.” Jester course-corrected and set off. “C’mon Beau! Let’s go find Yasha!”

Beau sighed in fond exasperation, following a step behind. “Are we trying to be quiet about this?”

Jester hummed, her steps slowing as she considered. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Should we be?”

Beau shrugged. “If we sneak up on her, we might scare her and someone might get hurt. But we don’t know the stuff that’s in these woods.”

“Let’s go quietly, and then when we see her make sure we’re out of range,” Jester decided, taking more care to watch where she stepped. The two of them made quick, quiet work of the walk and soon found Yasha staring up a tree.

“What’s up there?” Beau asked, moving towards the tree without thinking. Yasha spun around and had her sword half-drawn before she realized who it was.

“You scared me,” she said softly, resheathing her sword and looking back up the branches.

Beau stood next to her for a minute and Jester stood back slightly, just watching them. When it became clear Yasha wasn’t going to answer her question, Beau asked again what Yasha was looking at.

“There’s an owl up there,” Yasha explained softly. “I thought maybe it was Professor Thaddeus.”

Beau’s lips quirked and she nudged Yasha with her elbow gently. “I don’t think it is,” she admitted, “bastard would’ve flown away as fast as he could if he saw me here.” She took a breath and then added, “Thank you for - for looking, though.”

Yasha looked down at Beau, and a small smile transformed her face from something impassive and scary to something soft and beautiful. “Of course,” she replied gently. Jester saw Beau’s cheeks flush and Beau looked away, a hand rubbing at the back of her neck.

“I’m here too!” Jester added cheerfully, hoping to stop the usual awkwardness of the two of them before it became unsalvageable.

[nightswithkookmin]

You need to back up your ON break up theory with more than just fake subs and vague statements about 'claiming behavior'.

During the period you allege they were broken up, Jimin pulled Jungkook in a hug on run behind, Jungkook called Jimin sexy at a press conference, Jimin and jungkook did that whole 'how does it feel to be in the same unit'/'time to change' flirty thing, Jimin grabbed Jungkook by the lapels... and more. Begging pardon but if they were grieving the loss of their romantic relationship while trying to be professional colleagues and pals.... isnt that sort of insensitive? Like I know you admitting you might have read it wrong and have changed your view in light of new footage might be a blow to your ego, but I don't think you are thinking rationally when you insist on this break up theory. It's sad because I found so much meaning and connection in some of the stuff you have written, particularly pertaining to internalized homophobia, racism, mysogynoir and bts changing over time to become more enlightened, but your devotion to this ONE theory, and defensiveness whenever it is (rightly imo) challenged makes me wary of your theories in general, which might be extremely unfair to you, as a thinker. Your log is really funny and great in a lot of ways so i cant really quit you.

Ahhhh it's been a while I got one of these...

Hello, how you doing! Lol. Silver is that you?

Chilee, it's the name calling for me.

Ego, irrational, charlatan, Tuktukker- I'm desensitized to such ad hominems at this point. You don't throw words like these around and expect me to sit at the table and talk. Imma yeet myself out real fast. Lol.

There's just something different, wholesome almost, about this post though. Sounds constructive I think. Or maybe it's because I just woke. Chilee. Lol.

It doesn't feel at all like you are attacking me. It's strange...

You're gaslighting though but it's fine. I've built a resistance to that from years and years of dealing with my abductors or family. Potato potahto.

I often put my sanity before other's insanity which is why I don't indulge posts such as these and I'm not sorry about that. I mean is this an Ask or Submission? I don't- what am I supposed to say? What is the call to action?

Sigh.

If I come across as defensive sometimes, 10 out of 10, it's probably because the person on the other end is being offensive. Straight up. Cause and effect, the science don't lie.

You don't expect me to not defend when I'm being attacked. That's just tacky.

I don't think there's anything wrong with challenging views and notions because at the very least, that's about the exchange of ideas and I welcome it.

I set the limits at the racial slurs, the mocking tones, the emotionally charged rants meant to disparage me and my entire ancestry rather than argue a point, the interference with my personal life and business all because I hold a different view on a topic, the doxing, gaslighting, the bad mouthing, spreading lies about me, turning my friends against me, stripping away my rights and copyrights, harassing people who enjoy my work among- other things.

I usually exercise my right to self preservation in these instances- imma block, delete, ignore, forward or clap back. Word. Lol.

I'm sorry, but if you have to attack the individuality of a person to argue your point, you've lost the argument and you never had one to begin with.

Take for instance, the bit you wrote about me taking a blow to 'my ego' - do you see the problem with that?

What has holding a view different from yours on a particular subject got to do with the ego?

Do you mean to say the only way I can hold an opinion different from yours on a matter is if I were hubristic?

Are you projecting? What's happening? Lol

And if I call you out for this, I'm defensive? Way to add gaslighting to your bigotry and intolerance of opinions that don't align with yours. No offense.

I give myself permission to hold unpopular views. I give myself permission to think differently from others. I give myself permission to see what I see and believe what I believe and form an opinion on what I see and believe divorced from others' views and based on my own understanding of the workings of this world or in this case Jikook.

No amount of name calling will change this fact. We see things from different perspectives after all.

You need to back your ON break up theory with more than just fake subs and vague claims about claiming behavior.

Lol. Fake subs? You mean the Hajima bit from the On comeback special I put in my video? Interesting.

I think I see what you mean about my break up theory and I agree to some extent. Like, come up here with charts and paragraphs and excel spreadsheets on why I think Jikook were broken up?

I would be happy to do that kind of analysis.

I think the problem for me here is, I feel tasked to convince rather than to share my opinion on the matter or even expand on my theories for discourse sakes and that makes me really uncomfortable.

Not to psychoanalyze you, but I feel when you ask this of me you are not just asking me to divulge my thoughts on a topic but to disabuse you of your own biases surrounding the topic.

I don't think this is about my opinion at all. I think it's about your own beliefs about Jikook. And there's nothing wrong with that. If you believe in something you need to stand for it. Just don't mind if others do same and don't call them names for doing so. Because if you do mind, then that's bigotry.

The fact is my opinion contradicts your beliefs about Jikook and you either want to punish me for it hence the slurs, are in denial, or you want to believe my point of view- can't really tell.

I think there is a limit in general to how far I can prove Jikook in anyway and that has nothing to do with lack of evidence, my ego or my rationality. And yes, I often shroud my beliefs in vague expressions because I don't want to set myself up or open myself up to legal suits. I can only prove Jikook to a point and nothing beyond my belief. Beyond that, I would be skating on thin ice and making bighit a tad richer.

During the period you allege they were broken up, Jimin pulled JK in a hug, grabbed Jungkook by his lapel, JK called Jimin sexy, they did the flirty challenge...

So if I understand you correctly, all these is what makes Jikook a couple to you and indicate they are dating?

Alright then.

Hobi calls Jimin sexy all the time. BTS calls eachother sexy all the time. I don't think that's a sign they are in a polyamory.

Jungkook plays with his hyungs' dick and ass and talks about falling for them most times. I don't think that makes him gay or in a relationship with any of them.

Lemme just cut to the chase. I've reached my photo limits. I have said a countless times now, that I don't view skinship and all these interactions you've pointed out as indication two people are dating- especially not two Koreans working within the homoerotically charged space of Kpop.

And I have given out a few of the metrics I use in considering whether any ship in BTS is real over the course of my blogs- intimacy, exclusive behaviors such as and not limited to claiming eachother and exercising certain rights and authorities over eachother and against the group, stress trails as a result of keeping their relationship a secret, the microaggressions, breaching the fourth wall and others.

I think what this comes down to is differences in perspectives on a fundamental level. Not egos.

I don't see the things you see as the signs Jikook are real and dating, as signs Jikook are real and dating. If I did, I would be seeing every ship in BTS as real but I don't.

And you consider the metrics I use in ascertaining Jikook as vague something something. I think we are at an impasse.

But explain the bit about 'insensitive' to me please. I would love to engage in that discourse. Why would it be insensitive for two exes to act cordially with eachother within a workplace in the aftermath of a breakup?

Then the bit about grieving...

So grieving is one of your metrics for accessing whether or not two people are broken up?

That's interesting. I mean I don't disagree but I also don't think Jikook are gonna come to work with oversized pajamas, dark shades, boxes of tissues and a blanket slung over their shoulders because of a broken heart... it's 2020 not Manila. They've grown, are learning and getting better at dealing with their emotions on camera because, as Suga pointed out, they are aware the least bit of tension translates to the screens.

I mean Jimin said it himself in his 2020 interview, he's learned to react less intensely to certain things. And sometimes, he tries to downplay certain things. He tries to perform Jikook when Jikook are not in a great place. It's only in recent times, On era, where JK has opted out and not gone along with it.

I think he does that and uses their shared 'Jikook agenda' and performances of Jikook as a means to fix things or break the ice between them at least.

But clearly Jk wasn't having it that day as he kept putting up boundaries with Jimin throughout that Run episode- unless of course you are disputing this as well on the grounds Jimin dragged his ass into a hug. Chilee.

I think most people wouldn't have felt there was something off with Jikook in that On period at all had it not been for Run 116. It's similar to how, had it not been for Jimin's birthday saga, the Esquire shoot behind scenes and Grammy reaction video, no one would have felt there was something going on between Jikook in the October timeline.

I think we would have seen and felt the less interactions and professionalism between them in the aftermath of it but for the most parts, moments like the couch scene in the Grammy reaction video wouldn't have made sense to any of us especially as we had just witnessed JK in the ON:E concert rushing to comfort and console JM when he was tearing up at the end of the concert.

At least when he pushed JM into a ditch somewhere in the dark in Soop we know he had been drinking and they were playing competitive sports. Even with that he still showed some concern when Jimin fell and injured himself afterwards.

I think we would all be wondering if Jikook were fanservice at that point, a fanservice relationship where JK only consoled Jimin when he cried infront of thousands of people at concerts and nibbled his ear while he was at it.

And I think we would be on opposite sides of the argument: me, arguing Jikook were experiencing a hiccup in their relationship and you, rationalizing that moment with anything from 'JK don't have to be at JM's beck and call' 'he is an introvert who is shy to show affections publicly' to even something about the weather.

But I would have looked at this moment from the October pop up video behind scenes and assumed JK was mad at Jimin for something JM had done and had done something in retaliation and was now feeling sorry he did.

And I would have based it off of this moment, or a countless similar ones from around On era or the previous eras where JK had done this exact same thing- frozen in place and staring at Jimin in the middle of a shoot or interview after sliding his hands down Tae's chest, clung on to the others unnecessarily to get a reaction out of JM.

Would I have been right? It really doesn't matter to me as long as it makes sense to me. I ship Jikook in a way that makes sense to me. Jikook are gay, in a gay relationship with each other and are human like anyone of us- that makes sense to me. Whether I am right or wrong.... who cares and why does it matter?

Personally, I think the only person grieving in that period was JK not JM and I don't think he grieved for long before he switched off his humanity and went stone cold tit for tat terminator on JM and BTS's ass. Lol. He had JM looking all kinds of subdued in that era. Lmho.

People grieve in various ways. In my opinion. For Jimin, I feel he puts on a strong facade most times when he has to film during such times and lately I feel he masks his emotions with anger.

Jk masks his pain with anger too sometimes but I feel in recent times, he is leaning more towards indifference. I think he tries not to be as affected by certain things as compared to the early half of 2020...

But I understand what you mean when you talk about grieve. I think for me rather than look for physical evidence of grief like a sad face, a tear drop dripping down a face, I love for vulnerability in them.

JK's is easy to tell because he tends to open himself up to others such as Tae or Jin or Hobi- and I don't mean like his interactions with them. I mean he leans on them for moral or emotional support.

In the Holiday remix video where he was hiding behind Jin, I felt he was feeling very vulnerable and exposed after that intense moment with Jimin.

It's what he does when he is feeling vulnerable. He turns to others especially Jimin and if Jimin is the cause of his vulnerability he turns away from him like he did within On era or even in Run 116.

When he is in a good place with Jimin, often he is closed off to the others. Jimin does the opposite. He shuts himself up entirely from the group. I don't think he likes to go through his pain by himself.

I've always found that bit fascinating about them. Jk opens himself to people when he is at his lowest while JM closes himself off when he is at his worst.

It played out in their rainy day fight as well. In JK's vulnerability, that's when he let Jimin in, lowering his walls while JM on the other hand closed himself off to him.

Can you give me more than they were together in that period because they played with eachother's lapels?

You don't think I'm thinking rationally when I insist on my theory? Uhmmm... okay? What is rational in this case?

Listen, I recieve a lot of hate for my 'irrational thoughts and opinions' out in these streets. I've lost potentially great friendship on this platform because of it. As I type this, there is someone in someone else's DMs persuading them not to read and engage with my posts because I'm extremely evil I think Jikook break up from time to time in their relationship.

If I genuinely believed in the slightest least or had the least doubt that Jikook were together in that period I would change my mind on the topic- damn my pride and ego. It simply isn't worth the hustle.

If it helps your sanity, please stop reading my blogs. My blogs are not for everyone. It makes some people happy, it makes some people mad and some people experience both.

My gratification is in sharing my thoughts and chronicling Jikook's journey for my own appeasement and support of Jikook. I owe it to them as a believer and a supporter to humanize them as much as possible.

I do not seek to convert others, change minds, or convince anyone of my opinions or to disabuse anyone of theirs.

Let's just agree to disagree on the matter please. Or if you can drop the ad hominems, I would be more than happy to go back and forth with you on this very topic. It's actually shaping out to be one of my favorite Jikook eras. I love me some terminator JK. Lol.

Signed,

GOLDY

[merryfortune]

little potplants

Written for 100ships on Dreamwidth

Prompt #61 Green

Ship: Saviorshipping | Ryoken/Spectre/Yusaku

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

Word Count: 2,458

Rating: T

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Tags:  Fluff, Established Relationship, Polyamory

AN: this is a very silly and dramatic fic about chia pets

   Yusaku had finally gotten what he had wanted. What he wanted was Ryoken’s love and companionship. It just so happened that what Yusaku wanted came with one stipulation. One very Spectre shaped stipulation.

   Once more, Yusaku gave all his heart, as shackled by chains and scarred as it was, to Ryoken and rather than spurn him, Ryoken accepted it. And once more, Yusaku conveyed the hope that Ryoken had given him all those years ago and it made Ryoken sigh heavily. Though it was a lonely place, there was one more who sided with Ryoken on the side of that chasm than just Yusaku: that person was Spectre, who had pledged all his soul to Ryoken. Ryoken refused to let Spectre slip to the wayside so he gave Yusaku an ultimatum: both of them or neither of them.

   Yusaku didn’t have to hesitate. He thought of what Ai had taught him: to love people, not just one person and though Spectre was… quirky, to be polite about it, Yusaku would try not to mind. He recalled his duel with Lightning and the fervour in which spectre had duelled, his clever plays and the peculiar beauty of his aesthetics. Though they had treated each other poorly, at best, in each other’s duel, Spectre had been inspired most gallantly because of Yusaku so, he would try to get along with Spectre, if only for Ryoken.

   Thus, if Yusaku and Ryoken were prisoners of fate, then it would not be allowed by Ryoken’s decree that Spectre would be the warden of such a miserable, if romantic, declaration. Yusaku accepted that. He and Spectre, on the surface, did not appear to have much in common but they did have one thing at least: they had both loved Ryoken for ten years.

   However, the practice was much different to the theory and to the dramatic highs of this relationship. In practice, it was much, much more awkward.

   The mode of the relationship - or relationships, more accurately - was rather distant. Yusaku was not yet ready to move out of his apartment and with both Ryoken and Spectre. It would be inconvenient to him as he had returned to going school and their mansion was hardly close to campus and their cruiser liner was even further away. So, mostly their kisses and conversations were through text messages and video calls. It was probably for the best as they all needed to go slowly in the beginnings of this three-way relationships.

   But once in a while, the stars aligned for them to meet up either in the meat space or in the Link VRAINS. It wasn’t as rare as an eclipse but it was easy to miss. Sometimes Ryoken came round to Cafe Nagi for his usual hot dog, sometimes with Spectre in tow, sometimes not. 

   Other times, they crossed each others’ paths in the digital world. With Ai back, Yusaku wanted to bring back the other Ignis. The Knights of Hanoi were not hindering this mission of Yusaku but out of professionalism and their commitment to atonement, they weren’t helping him either. Ryoken refused to spoil Yusaku like that but Spectre was quietly pleased with the sentiment that one day, possibly one day soon if he was lucky, he might get to meet Earth properly.

   But whilst Ryoken consistently made Yusaku feel welcome and warm, with every greeting to every message or happenstance, it made the contrary all the more apparent to Yusaku. Spectre was not quite so open. Ryoken was reserved but in what moments of privacy he and Yusaku had together, they usually began or ended with Ryoken kissing Yusaku on the cheek. Spectre was not nearly as affectionate. Or verbal. And it was increasingly making Yusaku worry about whether or not having what he wanted was worth it.

   Perhaps Spectre was not quite as gungho about sharing Ryoken than Ryoken had been willing to bet. Of course, Spectre didn’t utter a single complaint; he followed this order like he did any other order but there was a detached coldness whenever he rubbed shoulders with Yusaku which, whilst infrequent, was still quite noticeable. 

   So, shyly, Yusaku did ask about it eventually, “Are you sure Spectre likes me?” he asked in a tiny voice.

   He rang Ryoken and made sure Ryoken was alone. Ryoken had high - even salacious - hopes for this but Yusaku’s question did catch him off guard. He had somewhat expected it. He had noticed the standoffishness that Spectre emanated whenever it was all three of them or some combination thereof.

   “Yes, I’m sure.” Ryoken replied. He sounded very understanding about it but Yusaku still chewed his lip.

   “Are you certain?” Yusaku insisted.

   “Yes, I’m sure.” Ryoken replied again and Yusaku could hear the patient smile in his voice. “I can prove it.”

   “How?” Yusaku asked flatly.

   “Spectre and I’ll drop around tomorrow. We can bring groceries around and have dinner together for once, doesn’t that sound nice?” Ryoken mused.

   “Yeah, it does…” Yusaku murmured, entirely unconvinced that one evening together would be enough to prove or sway the pendulum that he was worried about.

   “We’ll come around about an hour after you would get out of school, does that work for you?” asked Ryoken.

   “It does.” Yusaku told him.

   “Good, see you then, so… until then, bye, I love you.” Ryoken said.

   Yusaku blushed as he replied, “Bye, I love you, too.”

   The line went silent and Yusaku was still entirely convinced that Spectre did not like him and would never like him. It was an unusual feeling for him but acknowledging that did little to alleviate the horrible feeling in his guts. It was like the exact opposite of having butterflies in his stomach, it was more like having elephants. It was awful. Spectre was awful, too, but he seemed an entirely different person outside of the Link VRAINS despite very much wearing the same face.

   The following day went as smooth as high school could go for anyone. There were assessments and social blunders but nothing particularly gruesome. Yusaku even managed to have some spotty and bland conversations with both Shima and Aoi at different points of the day but he very much wanted to take them over Ryoken and Spectre. He was still very concerned as to how his date this evening would go as he could only imagine it as going disastrously.

   He returned home and got ready for his date. Ai was very happy about it. Yusaku hadn’t even wanted to tell Ai about this date or any of the worries that he had over in the knightdom of Hanoi but unfortunately for him, this triadic relationship had become Ai’s favourite to invest in. There wasn’t a single secret Yusaku could keep around Ai anymore and Ai relished in that. He cheered Yusaku on as he put himself through the shower and got into his best clothes. Not that Yusaku needed the encouragement but given how wracked his nerves were, he couldn’t say it wasn’t appreciated.

   His hair was still damp when Yusaku heard his doorbell ring. Ai gave him a big thumbs up from his perch on Yusaku’s desk where his duel disc was his throne and Yusaku weakly smiled back. With Yusaku’s laptop nearby, Ai was content to surf the ‘net and binge sketchy cartoons all night and therefore, wouldn’t disrupt or otherwise cause warfare downstairs on his date.

   Yusaku smiled shakily as he opened his front door and he immediately noticed that he was out-dressed by both Ryoken and Spectre, “Hey,” he said, “I’m glad the two of you could make it.”

   “It's our pleasure.” Ryoken assured him.

  He reached out to Yusaku and cupped his hands whilst kissing his cheek. Yusaku smiled but he glanced towards Spectre who was trying his best to blend in with the cityscape behind him. He was holding onto a small box and had a cloth tote bag slung over his shoulders.

   Ryoken pulled back and Yusaku stepped aside. He let both his partners inside and he felt a flush of embarrassment regarding his apartment given how basic it was. To say nothing of the great big cracks in the walls and other flaws but neither Ryoken nor Spectre ever said a bad word about it. They merely came inside and made themselves at home.

   Spectre placed the tote bag on the counter and Yusaku curiously approached. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was a magic item inside of it to make him and Spectre get along better was inside of it but from just a sneak peak, all Yusaku could really see was the ingredients to make curry. However, they were very premium ingredients.

   “How mild or spicy do you like your curry?” Spectre asked since Yusaku had taken interest; he was still holding onto that little box.

   “I don’t really care.” Yusaku said, shrugging. “Surprise me.”

   “Okay then.” Spectre said and his hand clenched slightly.

   Ryoken, who had sat down at the table as Yusaku had meagrely put out a pitcher of cold water and cups, cleared his throat. Spectre made an annoyed noise.

   “I have something for you as well.” Spectre said and his expression was difficult to read. “Here.”

   He shoved the box into Yusaku’s possession and he blinked.

   “For you.” Spectre clarified.

   “Okay then.” Yusaku replied and he decided he wanted to sit down to open the box which, now that it was in his hands, looked bigger than before and the contents was emptier than he imagined.

   They were all sitting at the table now; Spectre sat with Ryoken, who had an arm around Spectre, cuddly, and Yusaku sat across from both. He had set the box down and began to undo the bow atop of it. It wasn’t gift wrapped, it just so happened to have a fancy, mint green facade to it and was donned with a translucent yellowy-coloured ribbon. He pulled it apart and took the lid off the box.

   Spectre watched very intently as Yusaku did this. His stare was stern and in total contrast to how playfully Ryoken watched him. Ryoken, meanwhile, had a smirk like a cat on his face and both made Yusaku feel a grand pressure to like whatever was in the box. He reached in and he wasn’t entirely sure what he pulled out. 

   There were three of them, though. All made from terracotta but were in the shape of little animals: a cat, a goat, and a hedgehog. They were cute but useless, Yusaku thought as he inspected the goat. He noticed it had a hole in its back and the hole was filled with something dark that he didn’t recognise inside of a crinkly, whitish sachet.

   “What are they?” he asked.

   “Chia pets.” Ryoken stated simply. “It means he likes you.”

   “I don’t really get it…” Yusaku murmured as he set down the goat with a clink in favour of looking at the cat. Though, knowing it was likely seeds inside of those sachets inside of the little terracotta animals did make slightly more sense.

   “They represent us.” Spectre murmured. “You’re the cat, I’m the goat, and Ryoken-sama is the hedgehog. When Ryoken-sama and I were little, he gave me some chia pets and I still have them. They are very beloved to me and my collection of plants. Ryoken-sama thought it would be a good idea if I shared that with you and I agreed. Good things come in threes with you two, don’t they?”

   “Oh.” Yusaku mumbled and he surprised himself by getting misty eyed at hearing that. The way he was holding onto the cat shaped chia pet changed, it now had a very treasured purpose to it. He couldn’t be flippant with such a precious gift now, could he?

   Ryoken smiled, pleased with himself.

   “I’m still getting my bearings with all of this. I apologise if we haven’t been on the best of terms but that’s not my intention. But you are important to Ryoken-sama and therefore, important to me. I had a prior infatuation with you but I don’t want that, I want something more stable than that for you since you are very serious about Ryoken-sama and his feelings, otherwise I doubt you would have bothered with making peace with me.” Spectre stiltedly explained.

   “Thank you, Spectre, I appreciate your perspective,” Yusaku said, he knew the feeling well himself, he hadn’t wanted to let a similar idealisation of Ryoken get in the way either, he squeezed the little terracotta pot, “I’ll treasure them, I promise to take good care of them.”

   “You better,” Spectre pouted, “I’ll be very cross with you if you don’t.”

   Yusaku laughed and even Ryoken was amused but he did benevolently offer, “Stop teasing him, Spectre.” he said. “Why don’t we make dinner? I feel like lunch was ages ago now with all the shopping we did to prepare.”

   “Fine by me.” Spectre relented.

   Yusaku smiled and he petted the head of his cat-shaped chia pet. He was serious about taking good care of it and especially its friends, the goat and the hedgehog. He was looking forward to seeing them grow green and fuzzy with strands upon strands of sprouted chia. He would absolutely put his three, little pot plants in a place of honour, he wasn’t quite sure yet where that place of honour would be but he was going to find it. For now, he was quite drawn to allowing them to live at the end of his dining table as it did get a little bit of sunlight and was close to a source of water but he also wouldn’t mind putting them in his room, close to him always. Decisions, decisions but for now, he would simply get up and offer his assistance in the kitchen.

    Yusaku piped up with a rather dreamy expression, “I want to help, too.”

   “Good, it would be rude to make your guests do all your cooking after all.” Spectre sniped him.

   “Very true.” Ryoken agreed.

   Yusaku made an embarrassed noise but got up with both of his partners. It was strange but he could feel that something had shifted. He felt closer to Spectre and ergo, closer to Ryoken as well, given their bond. He hoped that meant for an end of the night with a kiss from them both as well as a delicious dinner that they all helped with. It made him oddly excited and both Ryoken and Spectre noticed and relished that slight adjustment, too. So, with a little bit of luck and care, maybe not too long into the future, they could try a chia pudding for dessert after another dinner at Yusaku’s place given that tonight had gone off without a seeming hitch.

[thequeendesi]

I have a request.. if that's okay. I am really interested in these more than two people relationships, polyamory. I haven't really seen any black girl/chubby, curvy OCS or readers in stories related to twilight. I was thinking the reader is mated to the witch twins and feels VERY insecure and wonders what they see so attractive about her? (tbh a part of me couldn't decide if i wanted the volturi or the cullens to be her mates I'MALOT, but that's a lot of work so i am going with them) thank you

Ok so it’s been forever since you requested ( and I’m sorry it has I’ve been having the WORST block when it came to this request, so hope you didn’t mind but I went the headcanon route )

But I totally agree! I’m mixed actually (more white passing) and heavier than normal girls. So I try to keep as little references to body type and skin as I can!

Also the witch twins have been aged to 18 and not being biologically related (bc I’m not a minor and was ✨ uncomfortable ✨ with the idea of being mated towards two people who are related. Hope you don’t mind the two minor adjustments.

Your relationship with Jane and Alec were two very different relationships

Alec was a physical lover, soft kisses in the dining room. Slow dancing at three am, just to dance. Always touching somewhere on you at all times.

Jane wasn’t a physical lover, however she was an emotional one. Roses decorating your floor. Letters in calligraphy expressing her adoration for you. Playing songs on pianos for you.

Now with having the nice balance from them, there was complications.

Where Jane was able to express how beautiful she thought you to be, Alec lacked words.

Where Alec was able to kiss you, to hold you and pick you up, Jane lacked the passion he held.

“Do you really think I’m pretty?” You asked one day, just out of the blue.

Jane was on one end of the couch, reading some new book. Alec on the other, scrolling through the laptop the Volturri had given him, you in a rocking chair in the corner.

This how you three pretty much spent your days.

“Of course we do.” Jane answered plainly, for both her and Alec.

“I don’t know why you two would.” You shook your head. “The only thing you feel is the cosmic attraction.”

“You wouldn’t look twice at me if we weren’t tied in the way we are.”

“Of course we would Mia Cara.” Alec looked up from his lap top. “We do love you.”

“What of this? You seemed so happy for the past year?” Jane put her book down, crossing one leg over the other.

“There’s so many other prettier and thinner girls. You wouldnt have looked at me twice in a group of people.”

“That’s nonsense. Even if the mate ordeal didn’t exist. It would’ve been our goal to at least make you one of ours.” Alec said closing the laptop.

“You think so?”

“Know so.” Jane smiled softly.

“I love you guys.” You smiled.

“We love you more.”

[shadowen]

On your series “All Stories Have Monsters”, you have an interesting, unique take on Joe and Nicky and their dynamic, with you exploring a Nicky free to stray and do as he whishes and a Joe who conveniently only has eyes for Nicky. And it hurts my heart to imagine Joe in such a seemingly unbalanced, unequal relationship. In this ‘verse Joe comes across as this almost otherworldly man, locked in the role of the perfect partner, endlessly selfless, willing to share Nicky with anyone Nicky may desire / love while Joe remains faithfully devoted, his world revolving around Nicky (and Nicky only), “incapable” (???) of falling in love with anyone else, not having other lovers to turn to like Nicky does. It’s such an advantageous / favorable situation for Nicky, with Joe making all the concessions without clear reciprocity and only Nicky reaping the benefits / rewards of their open arrangement, besides never having to guess at Joe’s loyalty, never having to share whatever there is of Joe’s affection / desire / thoughts and feelings, never having to face any man / woman who would challenge him for Joe’s love.

Ok, so, I understand where you’re coming from, and part of this critique is completely valid. You’re right to call out that I’ve centered Nicky a lot in that series, at the expense of exploring Joe’s perspective. That’s something I’ve been thinking about, recently, and something I will try to do better about in my fic in general.

As for the rest of this... I think you meant this comment as a good-faith expression of your thoughts about this series, and I appreciate that. I’m going to try and respond as clearly and as kindly as I can, so please don’t think I’m attacking you or calling you ignorant or anything like that.

The conclusions you’ve come to are based on a lot of assumptions about what healthy relationships look like, and those assumptions are almost completely wrong. Now, I don’t know anything about you or your life, so I’m not going to make any guesses about your experience with relationships or polyamory, but, if you grew up in generally the same culture I did, I know that you’ve been fed a lot of ideas about compulsory monogamy and How Relationships Work, and internalised those ideas as fact. As someone who is in a loving, committed, open marriage, I can tell you most of those ideas are, at best, bullshit.

The thing is, people experience romantic and sexual attraction in different ways. You’re on Tumblr and you follow me, so I’m going to assume that’s not a new concept for you. In practice, what this means is that people who are in a relationship also experience love and desire diferently. Even if you have two people who are monogamous, allosexual, and alloromantic, their individual needs and appetites are going to be different by virtue of the fact that they are different people. This doesn’t mean one of them loves the other more or one of them enjoys sex more; it just means that some of the things they need and want in a relationship are going to be different, because that’s how people work.

The other thing that I really want to emphasize is that relationships don’t come with scoreboards, and keeping score in a relationship isn’t helpful or healthy. That doesn’t mean there doesn’t need to be balance and equity, but the sort of one-for-one reciprocity you’re talking about isn’t balance. For instance, I’ve been sick for the past few days, and my wife has been taking care of me. Does that mean that she gets to take time off from her responsibilities to let me take care of her so we’re even? Of course not. We take care of each other when we’re sick because we made a commitment to do exactly that. For added fun, my wife and I have different health problems and different temperaments, so we tend to get sick in different ways and need different things. Which means that me taking care of her looks different than her taking care of me. Does that mean our relationship is unbalanced? Nope. It means we’re different people with different needs, and part of being married means meeting each other’s needs.

So you’re probably sitting there thinking that being sick and having sex are two totally different things. Except that... they’re not, not really. Sex is one possible aspect of a relationship, just like dealing with illness, doing the dishes, going out, sharing finances, et cetera, ad nauseum. Sex isn’t a special, magic thing that has it’s own set of rules; it’s a thing people do together, sometimes there are emotions involved, sometimes not. The real point, here, is that different people have different needs and wants when it comes to sex, just like everything else, and every sexual relationship is unique, just like every friendship or romantic relationship is unique.

So what does that mean for an open relationship? Among other things, it means that one person sleeping with someone else doesn’t mean their partner needs to sleep with someone else to make things even. It means that how a person feels about having sex with their partner is not necessarily how they feel about having sex with people who aren’t their partner. It means that reciprocity and keeping score are just as bullshit when it comes to sex as they are in other parts of a relationship.

Now, let’s talk about Joe and Nicky and polyamory in All Stories Have Monsters.

Again, you’re right: I haven’t given as much time to Joe as a character as he deserves, and I’m working on that. But if you’ve read all 89,000 words of that series, to date, and you came away with the impression that Nicky doesn’t absolutely and utterly adore Joe with his entire being, then I need to re-assess my abilities as a writer. 

The subtext of The House in Sicily is that Nicky built a mansion out of love for Joe. The final punch of Joe’s speech in New Orleans, 1868 is “that he is just as devoted to me as I to him, that my comfort and pleasure are of greater importance to him than his own”. You sent me this ask right after I posted a story all about Nicky carefully and tenderly fucking Joe to a spectacular orgasm. Then there’s all the little moments of care and comfort, the casual touches, the easy companionship. I don’t really know what else you want with regard to expressions of love and devotion.

You refered to Joe making concession and Nicky reaping all the benefits, but it’s stated more than once that Joe enoys the fact that Nicky sometimes sleeps with other people, and even gets off on it. Likewise, Nicky makes it clear, both that he wouldn’t do it if Joe didn’t want him to, and that any other partners are a distant second to Joe. In Goddess of Victory, he tells Booker,  “Another man may touch me for a moment, but it is only a moment. I will never belong to anyone but Joe” and  “If he did not like it, I would not do it, but he does like it, so I do what I want”.

Ok, you’re probably thinking, but why does Nicky get to fuck around and Joe doesn’t? The simple answer is that Nicky wants to and Joe doesn’t, not because one of them is more faithful than the other, but because they are different people who experience attraction differently. 

It’s first implied and then plainly stated that Joe in this series is demisexual, which doesn’t AT ALL mean that he’s not capable of falling in love with or being attracted to anyone other than Nicky; it just means, in this case, that he needs to have a strong romantic connection with someone before he might want a sexual relationship. You can imagine a lot of reasons that might be tricky to navigate with the complexities of immortal life, and since he already has a passionate, satisfying relationship with the love of his life, there’s not much reason for him to look for anyone else.

Then there’s Nicky, who pursued sexual relationships with other men despite believing it was a sin, and who, like Joe, had never been in love before. For Joe, romantic love and sex are necessarily linked, but for Nicky they’re not. Sex is something Nicky enjoys doing; he definitely PREFERS doing it with Joe, but that doesnt mean it’s not fun with other people. Add to this the fact that Nicky having sex with someone else turns Joe on, and Nicky has at least one very compelling reason to seek out casual partners and few complications in doing so.

The thing with Booker... Honestly, that’s another entire novel of analysis, so I’m not going to get into it here.

The point is: having a committed, balanced relationship doesn’t mean having all the same needs and desires as your partner. It means, among other things, recognizing that you and your partner(s) have different needs and desires and making sure that everyone is fulfilled and satisfied as individuals. In a case where there is a primary couple with an open arrangement, it also means trusting that you and your partner are each other’s top priority when it comes to love and sex. Joe and Nicky have different sexualities, but they’re absolutely, unequivocally devoted to each other. Whether or not they have sex with other people doesn’t change that.

Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense.