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#I’ve been really hating myself
mdmayyee · 11 months
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Got a secret. Can you keep it?
Swear this one you’ll save.
Better lock it in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave.
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calo-wav · 1 month
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thinking abt old men kl… literally always…. bc what if they were old…and married…and if they didnt have to wear those fuckass belts…
my kl fic 🫣
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theswedishpajas · 1 year
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[Mii Maker Music]
!!Find the palette in this thread!!
#my art stuff#beetlejuice#cartoon#toonjuice#digital art#bugs#emoji#I made my own brush for the bugs so I can use them in the future#I’m trying to make art more enjoyable for myself and that means making it much less complicated and take less time#so I’m hoping to use this brush more in the future when drawing beej#or things in general#I’m getting better at lightning the weight I put on myself with my art#but it’s an upphills battle and I am STRUGGLING#I’ve been using this eene inker randomly for a while now and it’s making art so much easier to do for me somehow#but it looks so disgusting in my art. not cus it’s an ugly brush. I think it’s really nice-looking actually#but I have such a strong need for all my art to look clean and for every line to be intentionally put where it is#I have a tendancy to go in and fix singular pixels in EVERYTHING when I draw. even if just to make it intentionally look unintentional#but this brush does it on it’s own and I haven’t felt this relaxed while making digital art in MANY years and it’s STRESSING ME OUT#but it’s good that I can relax. That’s the goal. I want to be able to rnjoy drawing again.#The biggest hurdle is my autism hating change but once I’m past that I know I’ll be right as rain#in the meantime I hope people can still enjoy what little stuff I mannage to crank out randomly#also don’t ask me what the style is. my hand just went off with the “whatever just get it down real quick” mentality#I really need to draw the sweetheart more… I say when he is all I draw besides myself anymore-
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captain-lovelace · 6 months
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the-casbah-way · 5 months
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i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too
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doctorsiren · 1 year
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New video tomorrow on my channel! I had an idea yesterday for a short animation, and I finished the sketch layer and decided that I’m gonna post that and then also post the finished version once I do finish it
This is to give me more content but also to help me remember that it’s okay if not everything I post is polished/finished/cleaned (I’m stuck in a really bad mindset when it comes to posting on my YouTube channel and I put a lot of pressure on myself to have clean and polished work, and so I’m trying to feel okay about my videos on there again)
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50stressballs · 6 months
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It’s so weird having my physical health tank when my mental health is the best it’s ever been.
Like whenever someone asks me how I am I’m just like “well my bones hurt, and my muscles hurt, and I can work maybe 3 hours a day before I collapse from chronic fatigue. But like the world keeps on turning, so I’m vibing dude B) ”
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wundrousarts · 1 year
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I would love to see Lam in your style!!
Ask and ye shall receive 🤝
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I like the idea of her having glasses, to fit her Oracle knack, but they’re fake, to fit the idea of her sort of being in disguise/hiding :) Giving Nevermoor characters glasses is a great hobby of mine lol
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stinkypeanutbutter · 4 months
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ranpoe but they both become flustered idiots when the other makes a move
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starbuck · 10 months
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various thoughts:
i would like to have a significant other
i would like to develop my personality a bit more before meeting a significant other
i should wait until after top surgery before even considering seeing anyone bc i’m gonna be much happier and more confident after that
i want to know my local area better
i NEED more pretentious local friends who are willing to experience new things with me in my local area
i need to read and watch and listen to and DO more and i have the time to do it now, so i need to make it happen
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gayalanwake · 30 days
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sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔
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#‘aren’t u already super indulgent’ you’d be surprised#everything will be tagged either fanfic bullshit or gayalanwoke if you wanna block 😭#sorry i kinda maybe sorta will be having a moment. for a while.#idk if I can call myself disabled. but like yall know I have diagnosed cptsd and suspected-autism#sooooooo#taking care of myself is. not easy. At all#I can hardly manage with my parents#and now . idk. basically my routine for the past 20 years is being disrupted and im not handling it well#not only that. just.#again like I said taking care of myself in general is really hard#AND I have . college now.#lord 😭#I’ve always been a straight a student in high school and community college right#four months after my cptsd developed? I dropped out of community college 🫠#bc I literally couldn’t handle it#that was last February#now im at a . four year school#so#im tweaking#like actually this time#and since hyperfixations are All Consuming . they are as helpful as they are debilitating yk#so like yes this show/the fic might contribute to education problems. buttttt it’ll also stop me from crashing out!!!!!#so . yeah. yall might be hearing a bit more from me 😵‍💫#or#I’ll become extremely self conscious and never follow through#sorry#this is so funny I’m freaking out that yall might be angry im posting abt stuff that makes me happy LMFAOAOO#THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IN MY HEAD LMAOOOO#yall: hey gayalanwake! what’s up? cool binder. hey gayalanwake! wanna come over to my house today? :D#me: they alllll hated me 🐺
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foxgloveinspace · 2 months
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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.
#delete later#I know I’m not a good friend#but i think it’s trauma related#and I know that’s not an excuse#but a reason#and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me#I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so#I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives#and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear#and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life#but I’m just so tired of being alone#I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too#and I wanna hang out with people#and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling#like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong#but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done#for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back#I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends#if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant#sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health#my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant#I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again#I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit#I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…
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paidinbrains · 2 months
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there needs to be conversion camps but for making yourself like foods you don’t like
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blueberryspyder · 7 months
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I know my blog doesn’t have like, any followers, but I wanna make it clear that transmisogynists are not welcome here. I also know for a fact I have some people I need to unfollow for being transmisogynists. The last few months I’ve been very, very confused by wtf “transandrophobia” was, and I had only ever seen the “good” side of it, and never the side of it being used to actively hurt trans women. I’ll admit I’m still confused on certain things, but I’m not above admitting that I might be wrong and I’m willing to learn, so thank you for your patience.
To any trans women/trans fems who follow me: I support you, and I want you to feel safe here.
Edit: I’m retracting the bit about transandrophobia, since some of y’all have been really kind (genuinely) and helped explain the theory to me (as well as the antisemitism behind the “truther” term, which I apologize for).
To any fellow trans men/trans mascs that follow me: I want you to ALSO feel safe here. Even if my original message came from a good place, it was still worded poorly and painted us in a bad light. I won’t delete this post cause I don’t want to hide from my misconceptions and help others like me who are confused, and because I want to stand behind the message that transphobia of any kind is NOT welcome here. Thank you 😊
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floral-hex · 6 months
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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androidboy · 2 months
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my brain is. so incredibly busy
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