#i couldn’t bring myself to say the rest and i don’t know if i’ll ever say any of it to her

[yvqip]

in honor of ch 261

The passing of the torch. The inability to grieve. A duty to kill protect. Is this what it means to be a sorcerer?

CW: angst, mentions of gore and death, just about what you’d expect, wip(?) bc i couldn’t bring myself to write anymore,

A collection of Yuta’s thoughts during the possession (+a bit of Suguru’s as he watches in the afterlife.)

The moment you died, something in the air changed. It was as if all that tension keeping everybody upright suddenly released into this all consuming dread. Lying there on the ground, split in two, was more than enough proof you really were closer to mortal than the god jujutsu society claimed you to be.

I’m sorry it took losing your humanity to make people realize you had any.

I’m sorry I have to do this to you.

If I could do it any other way, I would. I’m sure you understand that though, better than anyone else. You died on his anniversary too. I was only able to take a peak at who you were under the guise of ‘the strongest’, I don’t understand you nearly enough as he did but I’ve seen enough to know the burdens you carry. I know you missed him, I saw it in your face a year ago and I saw it again before your fight with Sukuna. I’m sorry you two didn’t get the peace you deserved even after death. I’m sorry you had to lose the only one who saw you as Satoru.

Standing there, facing that monstrosity, instilled a carnal fear into my bones, one that I couldn’t show in front of the audience you taught and guided. The audience I have to lead in your place as the new ‘strongest’.

Is this how you felt? A sacrificial lamb pushed to the forefront of battle for the reason of powers you had no role in choosing?

I do my best to hide the tremble in my hands as Shoko slices me open. I’m doing this for the others, to give them a better fighting chance, to honor the sacrifice you made for us- stealing away the fire from the heavens and granting us the opportunity to grow even more- offering yourself on a silver platter in exchange of our youth. You were chained to humanity, reduced to a weapon intended for us.

Were you able to see yourself as anything else after he died?

Although the fire is dwindling despite your efforts to maintain it, I understand you now, giving yourself as tinder to spark the next generation. I’ll become it in your stead. After all, I’m the strongest now too, and I’ll take care of the 1st and 2nd years just like you said.

Shoko finishes the last of the stitching.

I wonder how she feels witnessing her two best friends turned into husks, bodies desecrated by both sides of jujutsu society even after death.

I’m back on the battlefield.

5 minutes to make this count.

I’ll make sure you and your best friend rest together soon. It’s the least I could do for you.

~

The scene before me is sickening. I can feel the bile build in the back of my throat despite my lack of a physical body.

How could they do this to you?

I had spent this time waiting patiently for you to arrive, only to be taken from me the moment you do. I never held any hatred for those in Jujutsu High, and I never questioned that until now.

Are you Satoru Gojo because you’re the strongest or are you the strongest because you’re Satoru Gojo?

I recall saying those very words that shook the foundation of your identity. I said it because I knew it would hurt you. I said it because I knew I was the only one who had ever held your heart in the palm of my hands. I said it not believing it was true. Yet, as I witness your body be used as a puppet, I question if anybody else ever felt the same.

Did you die with me, Satoru?

Does any body else see you as that? Did you exist to the world of jujutsu outside of ‘the strongest’? You’re still far ahead in terms of power, but it seems you chose well with your students, especially that boy, Yuta Okkotsu. He’s like you, more so now than ever since he’s taken your place. They’ll eventually catch up to you.

We’ve failed to protect the youth again.

Seeing your corpse on the table as Shoko performed the operation brought me back to the day I lost part of you. You stood there, Riko’s body in your arms, your eyes devoid of the usual light within it just like now.

‘Suguru.. should we kill these guys?’

Thinking back on it, perhaps I should’ve said yes. We would’ve been on the run together- but we’d be together all the same. You would’ve never had to be Jujutsu society’s scapegoat, you would’ve never had to fight Sukuna.

It wouldn’t have had to end this way

Maybe I shouldn’t have left. My lofty goals were of near impossible height, one that only you could reach. But I had to try, damn it. If it took rebelling against the gods to do it, I’d gladly hold the weight of the world as punishment if it earned you freedom from the chains of jujutsu.

[the-casbah-way]

i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too

[amongemeraldclouds]

Firewhiskey Confessions

After drinking to cope with your heartbreak, you find a reliable confidante to spill your guts to. Except, he is not who he seems.

Soft!Mattheo Riddle x Reader

Warning: alcohol, fluff, no use of y/n

Author’s note: Just a silly idea, this is unserious. Official entry for @thatdammchickennugget's Hogmarch challenge, prompt 2.

✿ Masterlist | 810 words

I never drank. Obviously, anyone can do what they want with their kidneys. I just didn’t like the idea of slurring my words or tilting gravity for fun, and I preferred to keep my mind sharp.

And yet, my world had tilted anyway without alcohol to blame.

As for my sharp mind? Well, here at Mattheo’s birthday party, all that precious sharp mind has done is hack away at my heart. So screw it. I need a drink.

I grab a shot of firewhiskey as a tray passes by and down it in one gulp, wincing. Well, no one drinks alcohol for its taste. I shake it off and move to the nearest tray for another shot. 

Five shots in, I feel flushed and ready for gravity to tilt, a familiar occurrence at this point. I sneak off to another room when I see Mattheo greeting his guests, laughter pealing and glasses clinking. Everyone is having a great time. Yay! 

In the quiet of the receiving area, I wrap my arm across a coated gentleman for support. “Avoiding the party too, huh?”

When he doesn’t reply, I continue. “Well, don’t worry. I’m not judging you. You see I,” I say, pointing at myself for emphasis, “am avoiding Mattheo. Why did I come to his party only to avoid him, you ask? Well one might say, I don’t make very smart decisions.”

I blink, trying to catch my train of thought.

“You seem to be a very good listener,” I ponder, bringing my face closer to his shoulder since he’s too tall for me to reach his ear. “Can I tell you a secret? But ssshhhh you can’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.”

“I’m in love with Mattheo Riddle and I screwed it all up. Last week, he kissed me during a game of spin the bottle and I just knew there was nothing friendly about the kiss. So what did I do? Confess my long harbored feelings for my best friend like an emotionally intelligent woman?”

“Pssh, nah,” I wave it off.

“Remember, I don’t make smart decisions. What I did was ignore him for a week and then act like nothing happened. By the time I stopped ignoring him, he already had a girlfriend so I’m avoiding him again. I’ll spare you the details, but she’s wonderful. Can’t even hate her if I tried. They’re going to make gorgeous pureblood babies and live happily ever after. I’m so happy for them, but why couldn’t it have been me?” I hiccup.

“Answer me,” I poke at his side.

Instead, I hear an amused voice behind me. “Why are you talking to a coat?”

“I’m not talking to a coat, you’re talking to a coat,” I turn and point at…oh, Mattheo.

“Darling, why are you drinking?” He says, moving towards me.

I blink. “Why do you think I’m talking to a coat?”

“Because you are,” he deadpans. 

Oh. I step back and take a good look at my companion. I sway and Mattheo catches me. “Why do you hang your coats on mannequins instead of racks like everyone else?”

“In case you didn’t notice, I live in a mansion. Not like everyone else either,” he explains patiently like he’s talking to a child.

“Come on, you’re drunk. Let’s take you to my room to rest,” he says guiding me.

I focus my attention on staying upright. When we reach his room, he helps me lay down his bed and hands me a glass of water to help me sober up.

“How much of that did you hear?” I ask when my mind clears up a little.

“Do you want the truth or do you want to save yourself from embarrassment?” He asks.

I groan and bury my head in my hands.

He places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Well if you must know, I don’t have very friendly feelings towards you either, it’s more than that. But when you started ignoring me, I thought you didn’t like me.”

I look at him then and tilt my head, confused.

“Darling, if you stopped avoiding me, I would have very easily told you that I’m only fake dating to help save a friend from a toxic ex-boyfriend,” he explains.

“Wait,” I feel the gears in my head spinning. It’s rusty, but we’re getting there. “So you don’t have a girlfriend and you’re in love with me too?”

“In short, yes,” he says gently.

“Huh,” I grin. “That worked out well, I should drink more.”

“Absolutely not,” Mattheo protests. And then, “really? That’s your takeaway?” He shakes his head, covering me with the blanket. 

I close my eyes with a satisfied smile and sink into the soft, cozy sheets. As I drift off to sleep, I distantly hear Mattheo say, “get rest, we’ll talk more tomorrow,” and faintly feel him kiss my forehead.

[m00mis]

hi ! can u do when u flinch during an argument w/ seventeen

of course! 

svt reacting to you flinching during an argument

cheol - he would freeze in shock, his mouth ajar after he saw you wince at him shouting. he couldn’t believe what he had done and tries to find the right words (“.. y/n.. i..”) but instead leaves out of the front door removing himself, the problem. he was supposed to protect you, to keep you safe, but he was the one who scared you. your expression replays in his mind as he gets in his car and drives away. he will never forgive himself for this

jeonghan - would suddenly let out a yell of anger and you would jump in shock. his eyes go wide “huh? i’m sorry, i wasn’t doing that at you i’m just mad at myself” and would reach out to stroke your face and bring you into a hug. he would feel you shaking under his touch and let go, stepping back to look in your eyes to say “i’m never mad at you, y/n” before giving you a kiss on the forehead

joshua - cannot see this man getting mad enough to scare you but the tension in the air during an argument would be insane, making you on edge and highly reactive. seeing this would turn his anger off like a switch as you're the most important thing to him and if you're uncomfortable he will do anything to change that.

jun - he reached to grab your hoodie that was falling off your shoulder and you jumped back away from his outstretched arm. it was cold outside and he didn’t want you to get sick. he was confused so he tried again but you stepped back once more. “why are you doing this? aren’t you cold?” he noticed your hitched breathing and slowly put two and two together. “i’m just trying to help, i won’t touch you if you don’t want me to”

hoshi - soooo confused. racks his brain trying to figure out what to do because he doesn’t want you to be scared. steps towards you grabbing your hand with both of his and gets down on his knees with his head lowered in an apology “whatever it is i did i’m super duper sorry, please don’t be afraid of me”

wonwoo - would raise his arms to run his hands through his hair in distress and notice you flinch from his unexpected movement. he would lock eyes with you and let his hands slowly fall so you would know that he wasn’t a threat. you would sit next to each other in silence for a while before you start to whisper an apology for your reaction, but before you could finish he would turn and say “you don’t have to apologise. i’m the one who should be sorry”

woozi - says in shock “why are you reacting like that? you know i would never hurt you, so why are you flinching at me? please trust me more y/n” and gestures for you to come closer to him so he can hold you tightly while whispering in your ear how much he loves you

dk - makes him feel like the worst person to ever exist and collapses into the sofa, his head in his hands. can’t look up at you no matter how much you try because he feels so sick. after he'll cling to you for the rest of the day making sure to do everything for you

mingyu - his height is intimidating on a good day let alone when he’s angry and he knows it. when you flinch he crouches down and looks up at you with his puppy eyes “i didn’t mean to scare you. i’ll stop now. i love you” and grabs your hand to kiss it before standing back up slowly and gives you a hug

minghao - i think he would be good at controlling his emotions and rarely get angry but if he did, your reaction would make him realise what he was doing and he’d instantly stop, apologise and ask if you were okay. if he felt angry again in the future he would walk away and calm down before returning to talk things through with you

seungkwan - he knows his reactions are pretty big and seeing you flinch makes him realise he should be softer with you. he would be so concerned and panic “oh god what do i do, i’m so sorry, i didn't mean to y/n. this doesn’t matter anymore, let’s stop arguing” and he’d be very disappointed in himself for being so careless

vernon - “crap did i scare you? i didn’t mean to, ah damn i’m really sorry” and lumbers over with his arms open to hold you. quietly he says “i would never, could never, hurt you. let’s drop this whole thing and do something else instead, what do you want to do?” and treats you extra special for the rest of the day

dino - his expression would turn from annoyance into worry "ah sorry sorry are you okay? do you want me to do anything?" and makes you go and sit down, bringing you water and kneeling in front of you to make sure that you were okay. he would rest his head against your knees for comfort

[corynation]

OMG NO 😂😂

From what i saw from greys he isnt dereks brother i think ??

Also... Mark slept with dereks sister in the show so i thought it was ok to ask?

Sorry if i didnt make myself clear tho 😂

But she can totally not be dereks sister

Anyway sorry for the confusion

New Beginnings

alex karev x reader

tags : angst, some fluff, uhhh more tags, this is a little everywhere but i hope its okay, not that sad but enough to need a part 2

“Derek? Wha-“

“I need to stay here tonight.” He kept his head down as he shuffled his way through the door, water drops flowing off his hair.

“Is everything okay? Where’s Addison?” The look Derek gave you was almost enough to answer every question that was running through your head. You stood silently as he threw his duffel bag on the couch, his soaked jacket following. He plopped down in the arm chair, palms rubbing his face.

“I’ll get you some hot cocoa to warm up.”

“No don’t I’m fine.”

Your eyebrow raised at his poor attempt in deterring your concern.

“Oh god you look like mom.” Derek chuckled, lighting the heaviness in the room.

“What happened with Addison Derek? Why are you here?”

His face dropped once more almost immediately. The change drawing regret straight out of your core. “I found her sleeping with Sloan.”

“Mark!?” Hearing the most unexpected name come out your stomach churned in a way that made you swear you were about to hurl. The barriers around your emotions all crumbling at once.

“Are we really surprised.” Derek sighed, flattening himself out onto the couch.

“I mean? Yes? No? I don’t.. I mean he’s your best friend?” Surely it wasn’t out of character for Marks sexual.. tendencies to say the least. But still there was a part of you that couldn’t believe he’d sleep with the wife of the man he practically called a brother. Especially after growing so close to him in the past months. You shared everything together and nothing that was said or done could’ve prepared you for this. Your heart ached more then it ever did before, both for Derek but also yourself. Mark was your first, and you had naively convinced yourself he’d be the last. And though you wanted more than anything to curl up in a ball on the floor with Derek and sob your eyes out until the numb feeling that soared through your nerve endings disappeared, Derek didn’t know anything about you and Mark, and you sure as hell weren’t about to have this be the time he finds out. It took more then you thought you had in you to conceal your emotions. Fighting back the familiar sting of tears became a war for the first time, but you stood your ground against it. Sure you and Mark hadn’t taken the time to talk about making things exclusive, but really you didn’t think you needed to. What you felt with Mark was enough to flood your senses full, not able to even consider someone else entering the picture.

And maybe you were stupid to think he felt the same.

It felt futile to hide the burn in your chest, knowing it was evident in your face. But still you tried to mask your feelings, hoping it would be seen as nothing but compassion towards your brother. You’d drag the sun out by your bare hands to bring sunshine after a life of darkness if it meant the best for Derek.

“Yeah well obviously that doesn’t mean much.” The scene of Derek face down on the couch with his arms dangling at weird angles was almost comical enough to bring you out of your anger. In a sad attempt to stifle your laugh, a small giggle escaped your lips. Derek just looked up from his resting spot and gave you the warmest smile you’ve seen from him all night, the picture perfect resemblance of a child.

“Derek I don’t-“ You were cut off mid sentence by the ringing of Dereks phone. He was hesitant to pick it up, most likely praying to himself it wasn’t the two talks of the night.

“Hold that thought I have to take this.” He cleared his throat before answering the phone, his eyebrows stiffening. “Hi Richard, sorry for emailing so late..” Was all you caught as he stepped out of the room.

The anticipation building in you was almost enough to drive you mad. Derek had been on the phone for ten minutes now and you weren’t able to hear any of it. You had began your (what felt like at least) 100th lap around the room, as Derek finally stepped back in. The suspense in the room falling instantly as his demeanor brought nothing but a strange joy.

“Richard Webber from Seattle Grace just called.”

“Okay..?” You sat down on the couch, Derek following.

“He found us both a job, very well pay, I’d be head of neuro, and you’ll be a trauma attending ! It’s perfect! He said he could even throw in a sign on bonus for you for the sudden notice! We start Monday.”

“At Seattle Grace?”

“Well obviously.”

“Derek? Are you insane? Like are you actually going insane because if you are I can understand why.”

“Am I.. Are you going insane? Y/n this is the perfect job opportunity! It’s everything you’ve worked for come on!”

There was a shared silence between the two of you, you each studying the other trying to feel out the mix of emotions you both had been throwing out into the room. Derek looked at you with eyes of an insane man, his lips a curl of typical mischief.

“Derek. This job is in Seattle. Seattle Washington! We live in New York! You can not bring in a life changing job, and move, that I have to do in two days and expect me to jump at it! I know you want to get away from Addison right now but Seattle seriously? Don’t you think that’s taking it a little far?”

“Yes! That’s the point. Come with me or don’t but you’ll sure as hell look idiotic for not.” You let out a sigh at his words, your jaw tensing.

“Derek we’re talking about both of our whole lives right now. Our family is here, our homes, hell our jobs!”

~

“Y/n! welcome to Seattle Grace. I know the offer was a short notice but I appreciate you coming.” Richard Webber, the chief of Seattle Grace, greeted you at the entrance. A great smile plastered across his face as he reached out to shake your hand.

“Of course Richard. Thank you for the offer. I know you wanted me out sooner but like I told Derek, it was insane for me to do the move in two days. So I really do appreciate the exception, it was more than generous of you.” You smiled, accepting the greeting.

“Oh i know it was. But anything for an old friend’s family. And it would be great to have another genius on hand.”

“Old friend?”

“Oh yes, Dr. Shepherd and I have worked on a few cases together in the past. I’ve spent my fair share of time in New York.” Richard spoke as he began to walk through the hospital, his hand reaching behind him to motion for you to follow. “Now I know Derek has been working here for a week now, and could show you around, but I’m going to go ahead and assign you an intern for the day. Someone to show you around and have do all the unnecessary paperwork for you.”

“Oh no Dr. Webber, no need to do that. You’ve already accommodated so much around me. Surely I can find my way around today.”

“Absolutely no need for that Dr. Shepherd. Let me make the day easier for you please.” You smiled at Richard and nodded, fully appreciating the gesture. He nodded and turned around, his finger pointing to a shorter woman across the room at the nurses station.

“Bailey!” The woman whipped her head around, eyebrows raised and an unfazed expression spread on her face. She began walking towards you and Richard, five other doctors following her lead almost immediately. You giggled to yourself as they all looked like a scene of baby ducks following their mom; though these baby ducks did look particularly tired and worn.

“Can you give me one of your children please. I need someone to be with Dr. Shepherd for the day while she settles in. You know like show her around yada yada.”

“Karev go.” Dr. Bailey ordered turning around and beginning to walk back to what she was doing.

“Me? But I’ve got-“ One of the doctors that had been following Bailey began saying, walking backwards to keep up with her in order to plea.

“Karev. GO.”

He stood in the middle of the room, arms up in defeat. You almost felt bad for him until he turned to face you, eyes narrowed and lips pursed as if this was somehow your fault.

“Come on lets get this over with.” He snarled while walking back towards you.

“Hey don’t be pissed at me, I sure as hell didn’t want you to be the one showing me around.” Karev stopped to take a good look at you, almost completely dumbfounded after your response. He scanned your face, either trying to decide who you were to talk to him like that, or the opposite of the spectrum and he was just trying to hide his admiration.

Your grand hospital tour was finally coming to an end after almost two hours. Alex had taken the time to show you each wing, introduce you to each head of department, and even showed you the vending machines that are least likely to scam you. At first he had seemed like a nightmare to be around, almost like a brooding angsty teenager who didn’t like anyone, but after warming up to him (or maybe him warming up to you?) Alex actually seemed more then tolerable. He made you laugh more then you have in awhile. His presence lighting you more than you’ve felt since your first night with Mark, which in all honesty bewildered you more then you imagined. Questioning yourself on how, or why you had become so comfortable around Alex in such little of time.

Honestly he felt like Mark felt. But for some sick reason, that maybe was just a play on your emotions, the man you had just met three hours ago made you feel lighter then Mark had in 20 years. He felt like a flow of fresh rain water after a drought, cleansing you of all toxins and slowly making you new. He was rain and you were the starved flower.

Yet Mark felt like the water saved from the last rain. Still coursing through your veins and settling into your heart and soul. Something that once kept you alive, was once your everything, now something you couldn’t get out of your system without feeling like you were sucked dry, moments away from an inevitable end.

It hadn’t quite struck you how much the Mark situation had hit you before now. Really you hadn’t had time to feel how the situation made you feel. The thought of butterflies returning to you uncovered a deep empty void that was quick to cover your senses.

The sudden wave of emotions hit you hard, but still you tried to remain as unaffected by it as possible. Though you knew you had done quite the shitty job of that after you caught Alex glancing at you with concern from the corner of your eye.

“So,” he coughed, obviously trying to diffuse the odd tension that had began. “What department do you plan to work in after residency?”

“Well actually I’m a trauma attending.”

“Attending? You look younger than me!”

“Well I am 24.” You giggled at the widened eyes of Alex, his jaw practically on the floor.

“24!?”

“Yep! Baby of the family.”

“Baby of the entire hospital! I mean how’d you even get here?”

“Well Dr. Karev that is a long story we could discuss over coffee tomorrow morning.” It was out your mouth before you could even sit to consider it. Alex looked taken aback for a moment, obviously not expecting that just as much as you were.

“Deal.” Alex warmly smiled, his eyes gleaming with something more than before.

okay hii!!! this req is so late im so sorry😭 also this isnt the og post but i cant find that one so I am using this!!! im gonna be honest ive wrote this little by little over the past few months so i really hope its all somewhat cohesive ????? idk atleast readable but im also crossing my fingers that this is okay cause its my first req :)

so without being said i hope you guys enjoyed and i will be making a part two trust 🙏🏻

and listen i know being 24 and being an attending is like damn near impossible but its greys. there was literally a unfazed bazooka in a guys chest.

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Three

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. mentions of parental abuse, mentions of violence, implied torture, ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairings: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Rhys asks you to be an emissary for the Night Court and Azriel volunteers to train you.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Prologue - One - Two

The next month was spent with you learning about Velaris and the rest of Prythian. Even though you were 20 when you ended up in the northern village, you knew a lot had changed in the 100… and 50… years since then. You couldn’t count on anything you learned from being a spy because so much was different under Amarantha.

You spent days in the Library under the house, reading books about High Lords and Illyrians. You also found some good romance novels you brought up to your room.

This city, one that was full of hopes and dreams and happiness… It hadn’t been touched in hundreds of years. Not even the people in the Court of Nightmares knew about it anymore, thanks to Rhys’s protection.

You got to know Cassian, Mor, and Amren pretty well. Azriel had been off doing his own spying, so you only got to know him from what the Inner Circle told you.

You felt like you were starting to belong here. Like you could find a place in the city. Maybe even in the circle. 

“I have an offer for you.” Rhys said at dinner one day. You took a sip of your wine and rose your eyebrows, telling him to go on. “We are trying to get the Illyrians to train the females. Those who want to be trained, or aren’t being threatened by their partners, of course. And I think you’d be a good emissary to the war bands.” He said, glancing at Cassian as if to say keep your mouth shut.

“Me? I- I don’t know if they would listen to a female… especially if their High Lord is having trouble with it.” You said, glancing over to Cassian. You knew the male would probably support what you chose, but if the High Lord and Lord Commander were struggling… 

“Well, then you’ll have to make them listen. And not to bring your abilities into it… but you are a Shadowsinger. They can’t deny that, and they’ll tolerate you more because of it.” He said. How lovely…

“Like they did for Azriel?” You asked, hearing the stories of the brothers from Mor and Rhys. They barely allowed him to train, being a bastard. The only reason they did was because he was a Shadowsinger, and Rhys’s friend… “I don’t know, Rhys… it’s one thing to visit those camps. But to try and convince them that they have to train females..” you trailed off. “I don’t even know how to fight. I can’t very well take on an Illyrian.”

“You know how to hunt, right?” Cassian asked and you shrugged. You hunted for Sirona and your family when you first arrived at the northern village, but you hadn’t done a lot in the past 50 years. The most you ever did was with your Shadows, and that was more described as sneaking. “Then I’ll teach you to fight. Show the Illyrians that females can fly in their ranks just as good, if not better, than any male.” He said.

“You can think about it-“ Rhys started but you shook your head.

“I’ll do it.” You said firmly. “I’m tired of being useless when it comes to protecting myself and the people I love. I’m not going to let it happen again.” You said, your shadows settling on your shoulders as if they were backing you up. You let your family down before. You let your blood family harm you and the only thing you could do was flee. 

“Okay, then it’s settled. I’ll train you-“

“How about I do it?” You heard Azriel’s voice, turning to him where he leaned against the wall. A few of your shadows bolted to him like the first day you met, this time wrapping around him before coming back to you. You could’ve sworn they brought some of his scent with them. They didn’t say anything, but they seemed to like him more than anyone else you met. 

“Az, when did you get back?” Cassian asked.

As smirked, “Just now.” He said

“You want to train (Y/N)?” Cassian asked, resulting in Azriel nodding.

“I can teach you how to fight with and without your shadows. And when I’ve gotta go out on missions, Cass can train you on the former.” He said and you looked at Rhys.

“Whatever you want.” Rhys said and smiled. “It’s your choice.”

You glanced between the two. You didn’t know Azriel as well as you did Cassian… but you knew he was a Shadowsinger like you. And you know he could help you hone your abilities. You also knew that he was just as much a deadly warrior as the other two males sitting beside you.

“Okay, it’s a good idea.” I said and gave him a small smile. You could’ve sworn you saw his face flush, but only for a moment before he was back to showing his unreadable mask. “Maybe you can teach me how to spy… and this time actually keep secrets when I want to.” You joked. You knew how to spy. Knew how to get information out of people. When Rhys didn’t have time to interrogate spies under the mountain, she had you do it. You still felt blood on your hands from all the lesser faeries and High Fae you harmed on her behalf. 

Az only gave you a small nod before joining the rest of you at the table. “I do have one request,” you said to all of them. “I don’t go to Valorworth until I’m done training.” You said. Before any of them could ask, you continued. “I can’t see my family… My blood family… yet. What they did to me.. I was weak and a coward. I couldn’t stand up for myself so the only thing I did was run. So the next time I do see them, I want to be able to show them I’m not weak. And I won’t run from them.”

There was something of understanding on all of their faces as you looked around the table. “If you want to kill them, we’ll gladly allow it.” Cassian said with a small smirk on his face. “Hell, I’ll even do it.” Rhys said and you smiled, letting out a small laugh.

“I don’t need to go that far… yet.” You said and leaned back in the chair, happy to be able to help the Court.

“You’ll get a salary as well,” Rhys said. “You’re welcome to stay here at the House. Or the townhouse. But you can also find an apartment.” He said and you smiled.

“I’ll think about it. Right now, it’s better to stay close to where I can train.” You settled. “If staying here is okay with all of you, that is.” You said.

“Are you kidding? It’ll be so much better having you here and not just the boys.” Mor said and you laughed gently, finally feeling like you could really fit in here.

The next day you went up to the training ring, seeing Azriel already warming up. You stood quietly by the stairs, watching as his shadows moved with him as he did movements you’d seen thousands of times in Valorworth.

His shadows didn’t warn him of your presence. A couple of them snuck out from behind his legs and went over to you, circling around your hair. Your own shadows moved to join him in the center of the ring. You still barely understood the concept of Shadowsinging, even after all these years. But maybe now, with him as your teacher, you could understand it more. And learn to understand yourself.

You finally cleared your throat as you stepped forward. As much as you wanted to, you knew you couldn’t stand and watch him all day. “You certainly know what you’re doing.” You commented as you walked closer to him.

Rhys had gotten Illyrian training leathers for you, tailored to your wings and your sizes. So when you walked up to Azriel, he had to pause just to take you in. You didn’t wear dresses much, but you also didn’t wear anything as tight fitting as this. Not that he’s seen you within the past month.

You shifted under his gaze, looking up to the sky. After breakfast and before you came here, you decided to take a flight. You knew it would be getting colder, and the frigid fall air only proved you right. This would be one of the last nice days before it started to snow. And flying would be a hassle.

“I am teaching you for a reason.” He finally said and you nodded. “Come here, let’s get started.” He motioned you over to where he stood.

You walked over and set your hands to your side. You were glad he decided to train you here and not in Windhaven. You didn’t know if you could handle being seen by the males, critiqued. Cassian told you that wasn’t the only reason he wanted to train you here. Apparently, Azriel hated the Illyrians. You completely understood, too, from what you’d learn about Azriel. The things that happened to him while at the war camps. Especially before Rhysand’s mother had come along to take him in. Still, you didn’t want to start training as an Illyrian when you didn’t know anything. 

You weren’t sure how or why Azriel still adapted to the training, but it was probably so ingrained into him (and useful) that he couldn’t let it go. And so you had your trainer.

“I’m assuming you never trained at the camp?” He asked and you simply shook your head, scoffing at the idea. Your father would have killed you if he saw you anywhere near the training rings. “Do you know the exercises at all? Anything?” He asked and you shook your head.

“I was 20 when I left, and I was never allowed near the ring. I’ve only ever saw my brothers train once, and I remember the beating I got for it more than anything else.” You said. “All I know is that my father had a killer left hook that would leave my face bruised for a week. Even with my healing.” You said and saw something like anger flash through Azriel’s eyes before returning to his soft stare.

“Then let’s teach you an even worse one, and maybe he’ll learn never to hit a female again.” He said and you gave him a small smirk.

“Let’s.” You agreed and started the warm up with him.

Series Masterlist

Join the taglist here

A/N: Well we see the reader finally interact with Azriel! Not much but just a little taste of it... I hope y'all like slow burns cause this one is very much that...

Tagging:

@cherry-cin @cleverzonkwombatsludge @nickisshadowsinger139

@atomolvnar @complete-randomness-2 @lilah-asteria @tele86

[haet-sal]

if you hold me without hurting me you’ll be the first who ever did//juyeon smut

tags: juyeon smut, sugar daddy/ age gap au (8 years lol!!), you’re 22, seduction, DRINKING!!, corruption kink, Juyeon asking you if it’s okay A LOT, juyeon calling you ‘innocent’, CHOKING, ROMANCE!!

You meet older rich guy Juyeon at a hotel bar, and the rest is history

“I’ve never been with a stranger.”

“How could you be okay with me doing these things? Aren’t you afraid what I’ll do to you? Do you think about my intentions at all? You’re so easy…”

“You can do anything you want,” you say. “Even ruin me.”

“... I couldn’t live with myself, Y/N, please… I… I still think you’re innocent, so I can’t give in to you. But in all honesty, I want you so bad I could just…” His hand clasped against your jaw, as if he were afraid to touch you.

You kissed him on the lips the only way you knew how to kiss a man. “Can we go? To your room?”

w.c.: 3.8k

You adjust the strap of your slip dress on your shoulders, it just kept falling off. Bereft of any foresight, or perhaps rushing, you didn’t bring any coat or jacket, leaving you with a side-boob out; at least the hotel bar was heated, although the lights were dim; like a dark, damp wolf’s lair you’d walked into.

You’re not really a bar type of person, although you guessed you could make an exception for a place as classy as this—jesus, you thought, how’d doyeon even book this hotel for her birthday party? How much must it even cost on a night?

You tell the bartender the number of your room—0602—and asks that he puts the drinks’ into the room’s tab, hoping that by tomorrow morning they won’t pore over the giant receipt and just pay upfront. You were less… affluent than your friends, to be very honest…

The bar was dark, and the lights lit up a dim green and orange around the seats. You order a fun cocktail, a sweet thing that you could drink all night without getting a buzz, and sit down.

You don’t know why you sat so close to someone, when there were empty seats all around the bar… You didn’t feel like switching now, though, what if the man took offense, that you didn’t want to sit next to him?

You started to chew on the kiwi slice the cocktail came with, and the gentleman beside you puts down the notebook he’s writing in, turning to face you, probably because it’d be rude not to greet at all.

Once he turns his face towards you, though, you get a terrible idea. Maybe the cocktail did make you a little braver, more effective than the taste of sharp stinging in your mouth… “Hello,” you whisper, not to disturb the quaint atmosphere in the bar. You had your purse with you, and you toyed with the faux leather just to fight the nervousness. You nodded at the notebook. “Business?” You had an uncle that did his accounting every night after he was done spending, maybe the guy was that kind of man.

But the man shook his head, and you see that he’s lean—when he turns his body towards you—a thin figure, and broad shoulders, and amazing, beautiful, narrow eyes, with a few crinkles around them when he smiles that you know he has to be somewhat older.

“No,” he says curtly, “no business at all.” He sips his drink, and you see that it’s hard liquor, presented in a no-nonsense, almost completely sombre dark orange shade of liquid.

“Oh.” You turn back to the bar, thinking he didn’t want to speak to you. What business did you even have talking to him—you’re literally here for a goofy party, he’s probably relaxing because he’s swamped with so much work.

But he extends a friendly gesture. “It’s my vocabulary book… I’m learning Spanish, so.”

“People do that on an app these days…”

He chuckled, and you saw that his voice was already quiet and light without even needing to whisper. “Maybe younger people, yes.”

“You can’t be that old.”

“You just look much younger than me,” he says softly.

“What are you drinking?” you ask, and he tears his eyes away from your lips just to look down the bottom of his glass.

“Bourbon.” His eyes are back on your lips again, tinted deep pink with a lip product, thinking you were going to look pretty for the boy classmates, but here you were with an older man… “I am here on business, though,” he says. “But I’m… well, even I get tired sometimes.”

You nodded.

“Can I ask if you’re even allowed to be drinking?”

You laughed, opening your purse and sliding your uni ID down the bar counter, towards his side of the wooden boundary, presenting him with un-fake-able proof.

“Ah, you’re a student… Second year?” He asks, reverting back to korean, dae-hak yi-hak-nyeon? He stared at the card for a while, slowly saying your name as if he was savoring it. “Twenty two,” he said softly, calculating your age.

“It’s a lucky number,” you put in. He’s eyeing your lips, but you’re eyeing his drink—maybe if you drank something that strong, you’d have more courage?

“I almost think I should take care of you. You look like a lost little girl.”

“Twenty-two,” you reminded him, unable to stop your face from making an adorable pout, which he reaches out and touches, as if trying to get you to smile again.

“Aren’t you too cute?” He pauses to swallow. “Like, dangerously cute? What are you doing at this hotel?”

“My friend had a birthday party, so they booked a room to party in, but… I just felt like… I don’t know… not partying? I didn’t know I’d meet someone like you, though…”

Juyeon smiles slightly. “Does the fact that you met me make you feel better about coming out here?”

You nod. “I mean, you’re older, and rich, probably my friends’ dream… they all want a sugar daddy.” Oh, fuck. “I mean! I’m not like… preying on you or anything, not taking advantage of your kindness... Like I wouldn’t… I’m… good? I’m a good girl.”

“Good girl?” He sips his bourbon until all that’s left was ice, and wordlessly flags the bartender down to give him another glass-full. “It’s funny you think I’m the one being taken advantage of. Ah… I really should control myself.”

“Control yourself from…?” You knew, of course, but you wanted to know if you were actually reading his mind correctly right now.

“First, from kissing you.”

You pulled back. “I’d taste like a cocktail…”

“If you worry about that, I wouldn’t do it.” But he still leaned in closer towards you.

You close the gap, kissing him, a hand on his jaw almost so tenderly, better than you’d ever handled one of the boys at your college. Then you giggle. “So I learned the taste of bourbon second-hand through a kiss…”

Juyeon looked almost scandalized, pulling away but just barely. “I can’t believe you did that… You weren’t supposed to kiss me, Y/N, you weren’t supposed to want me…” He grabs the base of your chair and pulls it close until your thigh was touching his, you didn’t even know these chairs at wheels…

“You didn’t like it?” you asked, absolutely concerned you might have to go back to your room with your friends and just…

“I liked it…” he looked pained. “Too much. I can’t resist the way you look at me and the thought of being with you…”

Shyly but seductively, you put a finger on your pink lips, the spot he couldn’t stop staring at. “You’re already thinking of it? Are you thinking of what I’d look like… under you?”

“Are you trying to seduce me now?” You think you feel what that book he was writing in must have felt, to be touched so tenderly and with so much care… He looked enraged, pained, everything… He looked absolutely seduced. “You think I don’t already imagine those things?”

“Bartender?” you asked, raising your hand, but he covers it from being raised.

“Are you trying to drink more?”

“I want to know what kind of buzz you have…”

“You don’t know how to drink. You’re so cute.” He pulls you closer. He’s the cleanest man you’ve ever even met or touched, he smells like expensive cologne… “I really can’t stop myself.” He touched your shoulder, gradually going up to the neck. “I might kiss you again. I don’t know what’s come over me…”

“Am I that sexy right now?” you joked, almost classlessly.

“I could just take you up to my room,” Juyeon whispers. “Would you still want to be a good girl?”

Your dress’s strap falls down the shoulder again, and you fix it, giggling. “Ah, my dress is already coming off!”

He almost growls. “Please… if I go any further with this I’m… I don’t know if this is the correct or right thing to do to you. Don’t do this. Please, you’re innocent.”

“I’m not.” You kiss his neck, even biting the skin, although he doesn’t react. “I’m here for you to devour.”

“You’re just a college girl… I’m an adult. You’re not supposed to want this, please…”

“Why do you think 22 is young?” You giggled. “I can drink, drive, buy condoms…”

“I just… don’t want to be a bad guy…” He pulls away. “We need to stop.”

“Oh…” you sighed. “Can I still go to your room for tonight? My friends are probably high, and I don’t wanna go back to my room.”

“I don’t think you understand, Y/N,” Juyeon says slowly, as if every word were a red-hot warning, “if you come to my room, I’m going to do things. You need to be prepared for this…”

You hesitated. “I’ve never been with a stranger.”

“How could you be okay with me doing these things? Aren’t you afraid what I’ll do to you? Do you think about my intentions at all? You’re so easy…”

“You can do anything you want,” you say. “Even ruin me.”

“... I couldn’t live with myself, Y/N, please… I… I still think you’re innocent, so I can’t give in to you. But in all honesty, I want you so bad I could just…” His hand clasped against your jaw, as if he were afraid to touch you.

You kissed him on the lips the only way you knew how to kiss a man. “Can we go? To your room?”

“You’re going to make me do something I shouldn’t. Do you know what the right thing is here? I… you’re killing me. I can’t stop wanting you.”

You kissed him, and swiftly pulled him down to the elevators, lips attached as you waited for the doors to open. Breathless, you glanced at the buttons… “which floor?”

“12th.” He leans in and pressed you against the wall, whispering: “you’re making me want to do something very bad, little girl.” Your lips don’t touch, you just glance at him through the small distance, teasing him. The elevator stops.

You glanced around. “Woah, wait… aren’t there the suite rooms?”

“Yeah, my room’s right beside here.” You followed him in, and slowly got shell-shocked by the sheer massiveness of the room… Juyeon is loaded. Or his company is loaded. But… oh god. “You’re… this rich…”

“Enough about my room… Look at you.” He touched your dress like he’s trying to control the impulse to rip it.

Your strap fell down your shoulder again, and you giggle. “Should I leave the rest to your imagination?”

He grips your hips, pulling the dress up slightly. “You’re such a tease… this is so wrong. You’re so young.” But he pulls the strap down until both were hanging off your shoulder. “How can this be okay?”

He’d moveed on from your lips, now your chest was his new object, looking hungrily at you. “You just… you seem so innocent…” He touched your thigh, his hand going up between the legs, but stopping before he pushes anything hot and wet. “Fuck. I can’t go through with this and still have my honor… you don’t know what you’re doing and you don’t know what will happen to you if we go any further… Do you really want to be used up for your body? I can’t go through with this…”

Seeing his reluctance, you pulled back, and grab his broad shoulders, as if controlling him, and sit him on the luxurious hotel couch. “Okay, let’s take it slow. Let’s try to take our minds off what we’re going to do…”

“Fine…” he still looked weak, as if he was fighting everything in him from ripping your clothes off. “What now?”

You straddled him now, getting on top of him “Talk to me.”

His hands gripped the sofa at both sides just so he wouldn't do something wrong with your body. “Y/n… what are you doing right now? Aren’t you afraid? You’re making me weak.”

“Just try to talk, okay?” Your fingers unbuttoned his shirt slowly, and you teased him, lingering over his collarbone and ribs. “Tell me about your work? What were you thinking when you met me? Anything…” You started to kiss his ear.

He sighs in surrender, hands groping you now. “I really can’t think straight right now… You look so soft…” He kissed your neck now, and you could feel his teeth under all that softness.

“Yeah? you can’t think? What’s on your mind?”

“Everything… everything about you,” he admitted. “This must feel wrong, right? Showing your body to a man almost a decade older?” He took off his shirt, draping it over the couch.

“Should I stay on top of you like this?” You could feel his cock hard and intruding right under your hip.

“Whatever you like… What do you want to do to me?”

“I want you to pin me down onto the bed… and…”

“What if I made it hurt?” He was carrying you back onto the bed, just to pin you down.

“Do it.”

“Really?” His voice is more breath than words.

Before you nod to affirm, his belt is off and thrown across the room, and his tight suit-pants are down, and he looks down from you, almost godlike, before attaching himself to you, ever single way: teeth in neck, tongue on skin, his hard length directed into your warmth by a stray, careful hand.

He doesn’t talk, almost like he’s basking in the shame. Just the rocking of his hips against yours. There’s panting, and even whimpering from him, like he’s pathetic and you control what he gets to receive, but it’s him that’s inside of you, desperate and leaking. “Please… ah…”

“You’re not going to have any regrets about this, alright? I promise,” he says.

“Of course not… I trust you…”

“You do?” He pants again, and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands so he holds yours. “I’ve been having a fantasy of making a good girl like you turn into a bad girl, okay?”

“How do you do that?”

“I make her… drool. And beg. And get as thirsty as she can for my cock.”

You simply moan in answer, Juyeon hot and hard against you. How warm you were was driving him insane, made him weak in the core, but he wouldn’t say that out loud… Just through breaths and body language and clandestine cogitation.

“Poor darling,” he panted. “I can’t… I can’t be as rough as I want to, or you’ll regret this. You’ll be crying.”

When you’re both around to come, you get desperate, and the rocking isn’t doing it anymore. Juyeon is the first to get rough, slamming himself into you with a pace unmatched from him before… Suddenly, he decides he couldn’t leave his hands idle anymore, bringing them to your neck and choking you. It feels good, as you leave the rest of your strength in your legs, which wrap around his hips until you come.

You’re sniffling as you recover.

“Y/n, are you crying?” He held you quietly. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s just that it felt so, so good,” you say with a smile. “I get… I don’t know, teary, when it’s that good. You were good. You were kind.”

“Which part was I good to you…” he groaned. “I can’t believe you still want me.”

“Well…” you reached over and touched his hands, which were about three sizes bigger than yours. “Maybe you are too big for me… But you’re still a perfect fit.”

He opened his arms. “Sleep? I promise in the morning we can sort it out…”

You switched the lights off, crawling into bed. “Ah… messy…”

“‘S okay,” he hummed.

.

His cat-like eyes were watching you as you woke up, and you immediately touch him, wrapping yourself around his shoulders. “Good morning.”

“Morning… I can’t believe you’re not mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because…” he brushed away your hair from your neck, revealing a hand mark, red but not purplish like a bruise.You couldn’t see it, but seeing the regret in his eyes was enough. “... because of this.”

You kiss him in reply to tell him you weren’t mad, but he quickly pulls away.

“Do you work part time?”

“Yeah, but on nights.”

He chuckled. “Classic night owl… It’s Saturday, and my client wants to meet in the afternoon. I have something planned for us, if you wouldn’t object?”

You nod slowly. “... What…?”

“You’ll see.” Blithely, he covered your naked body with more blanket, and fished out a giant fluffy bathrobe from the shelves for you to wear.

You giggled. “Don’t you want to… continue, if your plans aren’t taking place any time soon?”

“Don’t. Be. Naughty.” He chided slowly as he typed away an email in his phone. “They’ll be here soon.”

“They?!” You’re lucky you dressed in time, because the door bell rang, and as Juyeon told them to come in, staff, dressed in hotel uniform-blank-and-white suits, brought in a whole rack of clothes, almost too many, jammed in a small pole on expensive ivory hangers. “Juyeon,” you murmur quietly, “what is this?”

“Shush.” With a kiss on your lips, he lifted you up to your feet. “I thought I’d buy you back what I ripped from you last night,” he says, referring to your panties… and the broken zipper of your slip dress. Which, honestly, seeing all these new dresses, was a horrible fit from you, plus the strap kept falling off, although that did help you seduce someone.

Juyeon finished his coffee sporadically glancing at you with the staff, who fitted you in for the clothes right away, everything you pointed at and wanted to try. Although everything was heavenly nice, you just picked out two outfits in the end: a dress, and a matching skirt and blouse, thanking the staff who folded it for you.

“Is that all?” Juyeon frowned. “You didn’t like the others?”

“No, I liked it! I just… it’s too much.”

“If you liked it, you can have the entire collection.”

“NO!” you gasped, too overwhelmed to even smile. “I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness, and… I have no place wearing things that expensive.”

“Of course you have a place doing that,” Juyeon chided absentmindedly. “But if these dresses weren’t to your liking, I’ll just get you more from the show.”

“... Show?” you started slowly.

“That’s what I’m here for—I have to make an appearance. For the fall/winter season…” He kissed your temple, then headed off to get dressed in his suit. “Don’t worry about it too much.”

You glanced over at the bedside table, where he had laid out two watches that he chose not to wear for the day, turning them over in your hands.

They’re expensive. Heavy. Crystal-studded.

What kind of guy did you just sleep with?

.

After excusing yourself but getting his number (to all three of his phones, even, and he told you to contact his assistant if you wanted), you headed back to the hotel room with your friends, where they were all hungover or still zonked out.

You had last night’s dress folded in a bag, and was wearing Chanel, which your friends noticed immediately, Doyeon coming over to you asking what the hell happened…

You’d never been asked ‘what happened’ without it being bad.

“I think I met a sugar daddy,” you say.

“Here?!”

“He has three Rolexes and he bought me an entire rack of clothes.”

.

You’d meant to call Juyeon after your part time shift, but after you finished, you fished around your bag for the contact numbers and emails he gave you, when you found the paper with the ink bled through from the mineral water you had that spilled, that simply couldn’t be salvaged. All that’s left was his work email, which you, assuredly, would never be able to contact without being awkward…

Imagine being his assistant, going through work emails, and seeing one with the subject ‘RE: so about that night…’ no way, she’d just delete your message.

You regretted not asking him when he was leaving the hotel, hoping he’d at least remembered your existence and left something for you to find him by…

When you went back to the hotel—and the security almost didn’t let you in, being that you had no business—his room had been cleared out and he was already on a plane. You just slowly dejectedly walked back to the lobby emptyhanded, missing the way his giant hand felt intertwined with yours.

“Did he leave any messages for me?” you asked slowly.

“Depends, what is your name?”

You gingerly slowly gave out your name, and the receptionist shook her head. You sighed. Well… it’s definitely not that kind of story, where you land a prince charming… it was just one night. You should be happy, right?

.

It’s two months after, that your friends make you contact him. They kept talking about how real sugar daddies should never be let go, when really, you didn’t care that he bought you chanel and all those other brands you couldn’t even fit in your mouth to speak… you’d have fallen for him even if he was faking the whole wealth thing…

Which he wasn’t, as you found out after googling his company and seeing the name of his assistant.

You typed in a long email explaining it to his assistant, hoping not everyone had access to this email, making it easy to find in his inbox.

Would he check it personally? You sighed.

Doyeon wouldn't stop talking about it, ever since you met Juyeon. Always "why do YOU get to meet a sugar daddy? At MY party?" Although you thought maybe your romance dreams were well and over once the contact card bled through your bag.

The truth was, you missed juyeon… a lot… endlessly, and the thought that he was just a one-time-brush-past scared you.

You fell asleep for a nap, and when you woke up, you had a new email. It was dark, and your designer clothes hung drying out after a wash. You rub your eyes and check it in a hurry—it’s 2 a.m. in korea, although who knows where he could be traveling to?

But what you found wasn’t automated, or from his assistant, and the words were his.

Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for your message?

[thefloorisbalaclava]

love on the brain [simon 'ghost' riley x f!reader]

▸pairing: simon 'ghost' riley x f!reader ▸words: 3,362 ▸warnings: illness, lovesick ghost, kissing, making out, simon makes up his own little game of hide and seek, the balaclava stays on ▸summary: simon doesn't do feelings... until he does.

▸a/n: i just wanna kiss him.

⋆masterlist⋆

Ghosts had secrets. Plenty of them. Hell, even his face was a secret. But there was one that he considered his deepest.

He was in love.

You would never guess it by looking at him; he had his mask to thank for that. His self-consciousness stopped him from saying many words to anyone outside of a mission. And just being around you made him feel like all the wrong words would come out.

He wasn’t much of a romantic and couldn’t even remember the last time he was in a relationship. What was he even supposed to say to you?

“Hey, Lt.” Your voice was like music to his ears.

“Evenin’,” he said gruffly.

“What are you doing out here in the rain?” you asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.” His palms were sweaty, and he was happy you couldn’t see them.

You shrugged. “I guess I just like the rain.”

“Yeah, so do I. Helps me clear my mind,” he said.

“Am I bothering you, sir?” you asked, worry filling your tone.

“Not at all. I’m actually surprised you found me.” There were all sorts of places he went to be alone, and no one knew about them.

No one except for you.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone else about your hiding place,” you said, and he believed you.

“How did you find me?” he asked.

“I have no idea. Maybe fate brought me here.” You looked out at the view in front of you. He looked at you, heart beating faster.

“Bollocks,” he scoffed. “You actually believe in that?”

“We gotta believe in something, sir.”

He hated that you called him sir. It reminded him that he was your superior and his feelings for you were beyond inappropriate.

“You can call me Simon, you know,” he said.

“Simon,” you said quietly, to hear how it rolled off your tongue. You smiled at him. “It’s a lovely name.”

“It’s not,” he said, “But thank you.”

“Do you ever let anyone compliment you?” you asked.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just…whenever I say something nice about you, you find a way to downplay it,” you said.

He felt like such an idiot. He was hurting you and didn’t even know it.

“I’m sorry. I’m not used to it,” he confessed. “I’m sorry if I…made you feel bad.”

“You didn’t. I do the same thing. I guess it’s my way of deflecting. Sometimes my self-esteem makes it hard for me to take a compliment.” Your smile began to fade, and Ghost couldn’t have that.

“We should get inside before we both get sick,” he said, and it seemed like he was ready to end the conversation.

“You’re right. You came here to be alone, and here I am bothering you….” you sighed.

“No! I mean…that’s not what I meant. You don’t have to go,” he said.

Please don’t go. Please don’t go. Please don’t go.

The smile was back on your face. “Okay then. What should we talk about?”

Simon was still thinking about that night even as he lay in bed with a fever, runny nose, and cough. He was able to convince himself to stay in bed and rest, which wasn’t easy for him.

He nearly groaned when he heard the knock on his door. He put his balaclava on quickly and walked to the door.

“This better be bloody important,” he said, swinging the door open.

“Hey, sir…I mean, Simon.” You looked up at him and noticed something was wrong right away.

“Y-You…what are you doing here?” he asked in a raspier voice than his usual one.

“You too, huh?” you asked, and he tilted his head. “Sick?”

“Yeah. What brings you here?”

“I…uh…you know what? I don’t even know. It’s like my feet just brought me here on their own.” You gave him a smile that broke through his tough exterior and wrapped around his heart.

“Dunno if you wanna come in here with me bein’ sick and all.”

“I’ll leave you to rest. I need to do the same myself. Lots of fluids, sir,” you told him.

“Simon,” he sighed.

“Sorry. Simon.” You stood there and looked at him for a while. “Feel better soon.”

“You too, love.” He closed his eyes and cursed inwardly at the slip-up. If you heard him, you didn’t make it known.

A few days later, Simon was back to his usual self, and you were trying to be. As he made his way to your room, he rehearsed precisely what he would say.

Isn’t all this supposed to come naturally? He thought. Yeah, when you’re not head over heels in love with the other person.

He knocked on your door and tried to stand as naturally as possible before you opened it.

Your face lit up as soon as you saw him. “Simon! Hey.” You rested your head against the door.

“How’re you feelin’?” he asked.

“Eh, could be better,” you admitted.

“Is there anything I can do?” He put his hands on either side of the doorframe and leaned in.

“You’re sweet, Lt. I’ll be fine, though.” You didn’t need this man doing anything else to make you fall even more in love with him.

“Oh…” He was disappointed, to say the least.

“Actually,” you started, and he stood up straight again. “Would you mind bringing me some tea? You’ve made some for me before, and it was fantastic.”

You like his tea.

You like his tea.

It was a silly thing to gush over, but he felt his face getting warm.

“I can do that for you,” he said. He turned and walked away.

“Hey, Simon!” you called out, and he turned to look at you. “Thanks.”

“What do you need two cups of tea for?” Soap asked. “Still not feelin’ well, Lt?”

“Nah, I’m fine,” he said. “This is for—” He froze, and a knowing smile spread over Johnny’s face.

“Ah, I see.” He smiled smugly.

Simon sighed and walked off. He hoped the tea would still be hot enough by the time he got to you.

You were dozing off when he knocked on your door. You stood excitedly and walked to the door to open it.

“Tea,” he offered, and you took a cup.

“I would ask you to come in, but I’m probably still contagious.”

“I’ll come in if you like. I don’t mind,” he told you, hoping you’d let him stay.

“Okay, come on in.” You closed the door behind him and hugged yourself as you walked over to the sofa and tried tidying it up.

“What are you doin’?” he asked.

“Cleaning up,” you said.

“You don’t have to do that. You’re not feeling well,” he pointed out.

“I know, but….”

“Don’t,” he said, nearly reaching out to touch your hand. “Sit and drink your tea.”

“Sir,” you said playfully before sitting down.

He stood in the middle of the room awkwardly. “How’s the tea?” he asked.

“It’s perfect. You make it?”

“I did, yeah.”

“You can sit down.” You pointed to one of the chairs. You doubted he wanted to sit on the same couch as you.

But he walked over slowly and sat beside you. You looked over at him and smiled.

“What?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to sit so close.”

“Why not?” he asked, turning to you.

“Well, no offense, but you like to be alone…you don’t seem to like getting too close to anyone,” you said. You hoped you hadn’t said too much or overstepped a boundary.

“I don’t,” he started, “But I make exceptions now and again.”

“And I’m an exception? Wow, I feel special,” you said before taking another sip of tea.

“You are special,” he said. He took a sip of his tea casually. “Look, I have to tell you something, and I don’t want you to say anything until I finish. Just listen.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“When I say you’re special, I mean it. I…feel something whenever I …look at you. To be honest, I’m not sure how to manage this,” he confessed. “I want to protect you; I don’t want anything or anyone to hurt you…ever.” He looked at you when he said that.

“Simon…”

“Not done. I think I’m in love with you, and I’m not quite sure what to do about it,” he finished. “You can say something now.”

“In love?” you asked, and he nodded.

“Yeah. Is that…bad?” he wondered.

“Why would it be bad, Simon?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know anything about it.”

“You do. I think your mind is so full of a sense of duty that it’s hard to focus on anything else.”

“You may be right,” he admitted.

“I am right,” you said with a smirk.

“You see…when you look at me like that….”

“And when you look at me, Lieutenant...”

“What?” he asked.

“I love your eyes,” you told him. “There’s something in them that makes me feel safe.”

“What are you sayin’, love?”

“I’m saying I’m pretty much in love with you, too. Tea’s getting cold, Lieutenant.”

“Fuck the tea. What did you say?”

“I’m in love with you, Lieutenant. I know it’s wrong, and I know you’ll go on about how wrong it is, but—”

“The rules don’t matter. I’d break every single one if it meant you’d be mine,” he said.

“If I weren’t sick right now, I’d kiss you.”

He looked down at your lips. “Save it for me, hm?”

“I don’t think you understand just how…hot that is.”

“Hot?”

“Yeah, like…sexy,” you said shyly. “Your voice, eyes….” You were leaning in closer to him without even realizing it.

“Anything else?” he asked, ending up in his own daze.

“Um…you…you…Simon…”

“Yeah?”

“I’d like to kiss you, but….”

“You’re sick, I know. I can wait,” he said.

“You can, but I don’t know if I can.”

He chuckled. “You’re impatient.”

You laughed. “You’re always saying that about me.”

He leaned in even closer. “Drink your tea, love.”

“Wow, Lieutenant, you’re a tease, I see.” You took a sip of tea.

“Pardon?”

“A tease, sir. You’re a tease,” you repeated.

“I haven’t done anything…yet,” he said quietly.

You pointed at him. “See? Tease!”

“I ain’t trying to be.”

“You don’t have to try, Lieutenant.” You both sat in silence for a while.

“I want you to call me Simon,” he told you. “I don’t want to be sir or lieutenant around you. I want to be me. I want to be Simon. Just Simon.”

“Okay, Simon.”

“You told her! Yes!” Soap shouted.

“Fuckin’ hell, Johnny…” Ghost murmured. “Any louder, the whole base will hear you.”

“Sorry, just happy for you, mate. It’s about time, Lt.”

“Yeah, but…not much has happened yet. We’ve, uh, we’ve drank some tea together,” he told Soap.

“That’s it?” Soap asked.

“She was sick, Johnny. Besides, I’m a patient man,” he said. Soap cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“She’s better now, so…I’m thinkin’ about taking her for a proper date, but….” His words trailed off.

“But?”

“I don’t know what…I mean, it’s been a long time since I’ve been out on a date.” He was trying his hardest to avoid what he really wanted to say.

“Are you askin’ for my help, Lt.?”

“Don’t let it get to your head,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Lt., she’s already head over heels for you. There ain’t much more you have to do. I mean…you do know how to kiss, right?” Soap asked, and Ghost threw him a glare.

“Of course, I know how to kiss….”

“If you need practice….” Soap puckered his lips, and Ghost was about to slap him over the head when you walked in.

“Am I interrupting?” you asked, smiling brightly.

“Yeah, I was about to kick Johnny’s ass,” Ghost said.

“Oh, okay, well, I’ll ask this quickly then. Simon, would you like to see a movie with me?” you asked.

Both men froze. You couldn’t see the look on Simon’s face, but Soap was beaming. He looked at Simon and then nudged him.

“What he means to say is yes, lass.”

“Simon?” You wanted to hear it from him.

“A movie? Yeah. Sure.”

“Okay, great!” you said excitedly. “See you later.”

“Later…tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah. Is that okay?” You looked at him.

“Yeah. Are we going off base or what?”

“Yup, if it’s okay, sir.”

“It’s fine. Time?”

You looked at your watch. “1900 hours?”

“Sounds good to me,” he said. You nodded and walked out.

“Guess it’s time for a crash course,” Soap said.

He walked downstairs, and there you were, waiting for him. You turned to him and smiled.

“Punctual,” you said.

“Always, love.”

You moved closer and wrapped your arms around him. “Thanks for this.”

“What? Did you think I was going to say no?” he asked.

You shrugged. “You could have.”

“Listen, I’ve been through some of the hardest situations, but saying no to you would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.”

You looked up at him. “Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?”

“Save it for the end of the date, hm?” He tapped your chin gently, and you nearly sighed aloud.

“I’ll try,” you said.

“Are you going to ambush me with kisses or something?” he asked.

“Don’t put it past me, Simon.”

As you got into the car, you could only think about kissing him.

The date went off without a hitch. Simon was a gentleman—you weren’t expecting anything less—and you behaved yourself.

The tension in the car was palpable as he drove back to the base. The tension in the elevator seemed to grow even stronger. You watched the numbers change—2, 3, 4—Simon is on the fourth floor.

The elevator dinged, and the door opened. He walked toward the opened doors, and you thought he was going to step off the elevator without saying a word, but suddenly you felt a firm grip on your wrist, and then he was pulling you along with him.

He moved so quickly for such a big man. You looked up at him as he guided you through the hallways, turning here and there before finally stopping in front of a door.

You were both slightly out of breath as he unlocked and opened the door. The lights were off, but Simon walked through the place as if he knew it by heart.

Of course, he did, you thought.

His room smelled clean as if you’d expect anything less from him. There was also a hint of his scent in the air. It was a scent that you could never quite place. Tea, for sure, but something else was there that was purely him. The man had his own musk.

“Come to me,” he said, voice cutting through the darkness. You went in the direction of his voice. “I’m here, love.” Wait, now it sounded as if it was coming from somewhere else.

“Are you moving?” you asked.

“You tell me,” he said, and you closed your eyes. “Over here…”

You whipped your head around. “Simon…”

“Yes?”

You kept your footsteps light and your ears open like he always told you. You listened for any change in the air. Humans radiated heat. Simon especially.

“Simon,” you whispered.

“Yes, love.” He was directly in front of you. You reached into the darkness and felt his broad chest in front of you.

“Good job, soldier,” he said with a hint of amusement. “Give me your hands.” Your eyes were adjusting now, and you could just see his hands. You placed yours in his.

He held them gently and moved them up until you felt the fabric of his balaclava.

“Go on,” he said. He dropped his hands and allowed you the honor of moving his balaclava. You felt your way, making sure not to lift it any higher than his nose. Even in the dark, he deserved to keep his secrets.

You felt around. He had a strong nose and lovely cheekbones. You felt a long, somewhat smooth line going from his cheek and over his lip, and you gasped.

“It’s all right,” he said, “Don’t hurt anymore.”

You could feel his warm puffs of breath on your hand, and you were tempted. You slowly moved your fingers to his jaw, which was covered in a sprinkling of newly growing hair.

Then you were touching his lips. They were soft and full. You felt them move and noticed that he had kissed your fingers.

“May I kiss you, Simon?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” he said. He met you halfway, and when your lips met, it felt as though the room lit up, but it was still dark. He stumbled back a bit, overcome by the feeling of your lips. Once he had his footing again, he deepened the kiss and walked you backward carefully.

Not once did you bump into anything or stumble until the backs of your knees hit a sofa. He guided you down carefully, putting a protective hand behind your head so that you wouldn’t land too hard.

“Kiss me again, Simon,” you breathed.

“Say it again,” he said lowly. He was right there—his nose touching yours.

“Kiss me again…Simon,” you whispered, and he did with a slight moan. He loved hearing you say his name.

The kiss became a little needier with tongue and teeth and a need to be closer. He pressed his body against yours, and you melded to him, wrapping yourself around him so that he wouldn’t move away.

He began kissing you teasingly—a peck here, a peck there—he wanted you to chase his lips. You whined, and you swear he chuckled.

“Don’t do that,” he said quietly before lowering his head, so his lips were against your neck. “Save those whines for another night.”

Those words were full of promise and a hint of lust that shot right between your legs. It was almost as if he knew because he swirled his hips against you. He was slotted perfectly between your legs, so you felt the friction in the perfect place when he moved his hips.

“You’re such a good kisser,” you moaned before he and his tongue swallowed up your words.

“I could kiss you for the rest of my life,” he admitted. “Give me your tongue.”

You stuck your tongue out, and he swirled his around yours before sucking it.

“Mm!”

He pulled off slowly. “Like that?” He didn’t give you a chance to answer—his lips were on yours in a flash.

You pulled away and kissed along his jaw. When you worked your way down to his neck, he shuddered. You continued along his neck, and he turned to give you access. You latched on just below his ear, and he pushed his hips between your legs hard.

“Like that?” you teased.

He was practically rutting against you now. “Hush,” he said before kissing you again.

You slid your hands down his body, and he pulled away from the kiss to stop you.

“Not tonight,” he breathed. He moved your hand to his face. “I just want to kiss you tonight.”

“Sounds perfect.”

He kissed both of your cheeks before moving to your lips. “I can’t remember the last time I kissed someone…like this,” he said.

“Me neither.”

“Is it okay?” he asked.

“Is what okay?”

“That I just want to kiss you,” he said, his lips brushing against yours.

“It’s more than okay,” you told him, giving him a quick kiss.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered, nuzzling your neck.

“So are you, Simon. Thanks for going out with me tonight.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that, love. It was my pleasure.” You could tell he was needy for more kisses because he kept giving you little kisses here and there.

You initiated the kiss this time, claiming his lips as your own.

Tonight was the night you realized that you never wanted to kiss anyone who wasn’t him.

Tonight was the night he realized that after all that time not kissing anyone—he was waiting for you, for the right one to kiss.

[bloatedandalone04]

Against All Odds - Part 2

➪the one where bradley pushes away his pride and finally admits to himself what he already knew, that you are his number one priority.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, mentions of injuries, descriptions of injuries, arguments, break ups, bradley is a major dick in this

Word Count: 3.8k | Part 1

Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡

Bradley had to blink away the sleep in his eyes as he quickly sat up, his phone nearly falling from his hand as he brought it up to his ear. “Baby,” he said desperately as he called you back. 

It rang and rang until he was beginning to think he had completely blown it, then the call connected. He was met with silence, but you had actually picked up, so he knew you could hear him.

“Y/n,” he hesitantly said, his heart beating loudly in his ears as he heard your quiet inhale. 

“Bradley?” Your sweet voice called his name, and Bradley felt his eyes sting a bit as he sat up and planted his feet onto the carpet to ensure he was stable and not dreaming this.

“Babygirl,” he rasped, his body full of adrenaline even though he had just woken up. His face was as sore as anything else and his body ached, but he was talking to you for the first time in months. The only thing that would make it better would be if you were actually here with him. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

He heard you sniff quietly on the other end, and he knew you were beginning to cry. His heart ached to be with you right now and his fingers were begging to be able to wipe away your pretty tears. 

You didn’t say anything and he was desperate to hear your voice again and get you talking to him. “Y/n,” he called softly. “Talk to me, baby, please.”

He hears you sniff again before you mumble. “I don’t know what to say,”

“Anything,” he answered instantly. “Say anything, please. Yell at me, call me a selfish asshole, tell me that you hate me. Just don’t hang up.”

“I don’t hate you, Bradley,” you tell him quietly, making his heart race as you confess that he was wrong in thinking you’ve spent the last couple months despising him. “And you’re not a selfish asshole.”

He could’ve cried at that if he wasn’t too focused on trying to figure out what to say next that will keep you talking to him. “I’m so sorry,” he said again, his voice hoarse and his face aching. “I’ll keep saying I’m sorry for the rest of my life. I need you, Y/n.”

“Bradley,” you trail off, your tone quiet and your breathing uneven. “It’s been months.”

“I know,” he said quickly. “Trust me, I know. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since…since I broke up with you. That has been the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my entire life. I can’t believe I talked to you like that. Fuck, you deserve so much better.”

You were quiet for a bit and he began to think he had run out of time with you, but then you spoke softly, “I’m sorry about last night. I watched a bit of it, but I couldn’t bring myself to see the end. I guess you lost, huh?” 

Fuck, he almost wish you got to see him get his ass handed to him. It’s the least you deserved, to watch the guy who broke your heart get his face beaten in. “I’m glad you didn’t,” he admitted. Then he clued in to what you said and a small smile formed on his lips as he asked, “You still watch the matches?”

“Sometimes,” 

Bradley wasn’t sure whether or not he should feel relieved or guilty. He leaned back on the couch and draped his free arm over his sore abs as he sat in silence for a few seconds. He wanted you back, more than anything else in the world. He knew now what he should’ve known before, and that is that he’d do anything for you. 

You wanted him to give up his career? He will. He’d get an office job if it meant he got to have you back in his life. 

You wanted to have a house together? He’ll get the papers ready that confirms it within a few days. 

You wanted him to take you and your relationship seriously? You’ll be his number one priority for the rest of his life, like you should have been since the very beginning. 

“Baby,” he nearly whimpered. “I miss you so much. Every fucking day.”

He dreaded your next words, unsure if he should even be telling you that he missed you right now, but he was never good at keeping his thoughts to himself. That was one of the things that caused you to leave him, and that really fucking hurt to think about. 

Thankfully, you saved him from hurting even more by whispering, “I miss you, too,”

He knew he was going too fast, but he couldn’t help it. He needed to see you, face to face. He needed to tell you how sorry he is in person. “Y/n,” he begged. “Come over, babygirl. Please.”

-

“Bradley, what the fuck were you thinking?” You nearly yell as you carry more than half his body weight while you guide him into the house. “He could’ve killed you. Why do you insist on getting so damn cocky every time you’re in that stupid ring?”

“Enough, baby,” he muttered as he pulled away from you and limped his way into the living room. Truthfully, he probably needed your help right now in order to fix up the wounds he received, but not if it meant you were going to baby him like you were his mother. “It’s fine.”

Of course you weren’t going to let him off easy. You never did and it was usually something he appreciated, but he was really fucking annoyed right now and just wanted to end the day with you in bed, but you looked as energized as ever. “It’s fine? It’s fine? Bradley, it’s not fine!”

He huffed and sat down on the couch, lifting his sore hand and massaging his knuckles. “Fuck off,” he said under his breath, not at all saying it to you but about his current situation. He just wanted to sleep off the events of the night, and you weren’t letting up. 

Maybe he should have been clearer about that, though. “Fuck off? Seriously, Bradley?”

He held back an eye roll as he leaned back against the couch. “I wasn’t saying it to you, come on, baby,”

You glared at him. “Who were you saying it to then? ‘Cause if you haven’t realized, I’m the only one here. I’m always the only one here. It’s me who has to clean you up whenever you get the shit beaten out of you, and it’s me who has to haul you all the way home since you won’t let anyone else touch you,”

Bradley did roll his eyes this time. “Sue me for only wanting my girlfriend to take care of me,” he grunted, pressing his thumb harshly against his bruised knuckles. “You do realize that’s what you are right? You’re my girlfriend, not my fucking mom, so can we please drop this and go to bed?”

You laughed. “Why? So you can just forget about it? You do this every time, Bradley and I’m getting pretty fucking tired of it,”

“Oh, cry me a river, Y/n,” he huffed as you stepped towards him. “You knew what you were getting into when you said yes to going out with me five fucking years ago. Why is it such a problem now?”

You cross your arms, your gaze softening a bit. You hated arguing with Bradley, and while you didn’t do it all the time, it was something that had been happening quite often as of lately. “It’s always been a problem, Bradley. You know I hate seeing you get hurt,” 

Bradley looked up at you and his hard gaze, too, faded a bit. “It’s part of my job, babygirl. You know that,” he reminded you and tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. “You said you supported me.”

“I do,” you say, a bit offended as you stand in front of him. “But I don’t support the guy you become when you think things are too easy for you. Why do you instigate things with the guys you fight? You always end up eating your words when they put you back in your place. It’s like you go out of your way to put on a good show or something, and I’m the one who’s left to look after you when it’s over. It’s hard on me, baby. I hate seeing you get hurt and you seem to get a kick out of it.”

Bradley pressed his palm flat against his bruised face as he tried to think of a rational way to respond to you. He did not want to be talking about this right now, and you showed no signs of giving him the fucking break he was craving. He knew you were just worried about him and he loved you for it, so he was trying hard to not go off on you since you really didn’t deserve it, but it was taking a lot out of him to keep calm. He felt like he was being interrogated, and he felt like he needed to remind you once again that you are his partner, not his parent. 

“It’s my job,” he said again, this time not doing much to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “I’m supposed to entertain people.”

“Not by going out of your way and ensuring you walk away with a beaten up face, Bradley,” you counter, wrapping your arms tighter around yourself. “That’s not entertaining, it’s scary. You don’t care what happens to you as long as you get what you want out of it, and it’s scary. You scare me sometimes, Bradley.”

While on a normal night your words would’ve had him straightening up his act a bit and apologizing, the events leading up to this moment have him feeling more pissed off than understanding. 

Things were going well for him a few hours ago, and he just started his sixth round with Banks Harper when you tried giving him a pep talk that felt more like a lecture. Your scolds were all he could think about as he threw his first punch, then he spewed out some dumb line about how his mother could fight better than Banks, and then he was getting the shit beaten out of him. 

It wasn’t your fault he lost tonight, but he was far too stubborn to think that it was his own right now. “I scare you?” He asked with a humorless laugh, and by the look of surprise on your face he knew that wasn’t the response you were expecting from him. He pushed himself up so he was towering over you, using his height and build in ways he used against his opponents, not while he was with his sweet girlfriend. “Why the fuck are you with me then? Huh? Why the fuck are you here?”

You stare up at him with hurt evident in your eyes. “I’m here because I love you, Bradley,” you weakly answer. “Because I don’t believe in throwing away five years just because you don’t know how or when to stop.” 

Bradley could see how much his harsh words were affecting you, but he was fired up now and you weren’t offering him the escape from it all like you usually did. You were adding to his frustrations instead of helping him get rid of them. “So you don’t believe in me. Is that what you’re saying?”

“No!” You yell and drop your arms to your sides. “That’s not what I’m saying at all! You’re putting words in my mouth. I’ve been your biggest supporter ever since we started dating and I still support you now, I-”

“Still? You still support me now?” He asked as he stepped closer to you. Your eyes were pleading with him now and if he had half a mind he’d shut up and whisk you away to bed so he could apologize to you while holding you in his arms. But he was running off of the small amount of adrenaline he had left in him, and it was making his brain feel a bit fuzzy. “Then fucking act like it. Maybe, I don’t know, don’t question me on everything little fucking thing I do. If I want to talk shit to the guys I fight then I will. You don’t get to fucking control me or what I do when I give you everything you could ever need. I provide you with everything, the least you could do is act a little grateful, not jump on me as soon as we get home. Just…get off my back, alright? Fuck.”

You cower away from him a bit as tears sting your eyes. You were glaring at him now and trying to fight off the way your lip was quivering, but you were feeling hurt at this point and he still wasn’t seeing it from your perspective. “I’m not trying to control you, Bradley, I…” you trail off, looking down at the floor as the first of many tears begin to fall. “I can’t believe you actually said that to me.”

Bradley rolled his eyes and walked past you, the adrenaline doing a fine job at keeping his body upright and taking away the pain he will be feeling later. “What? Can’t believe what? That I won’t let you walk all over me? You can say all this bullshit about me but then get mad when I throw it back at you,” he muttered. “Real original, baby.”

“Bradley,” you gasped as you turned to him and tugged on his arm. “What the hell. All I wanted was for you to see things how I see them, that’s all. Maybe if you did then-”

“Oh, my fucking- you’re still going on about that? Enough, Y/n,” he raised his voice in a tone he never used with you before. You step away from him, putting some much needed distance between the two of you. “I swear, sometimes you’re so damn unbearable, I’m surprised I haven’t pulled out all my fucking hair. Take the fucking hint and leave me the fuck alone, okay? I don’t want to talk to you right now. At all.”

And maybe the two of you would’ve been fine if you had just left it at that. Maybe you both would have slept it off, made up the following morning.

But then you wiped at your eyes as you tried to find the courage to de-escalate things. “I just-”

And he reached his breaking point and turned back around to face you. “Jesus Christ, when will you learn to shut up? Seriously, shut up,” he yelled. “I’m so fucking sick of talking about this. We could have avoided all of this if you hadn’t decided to act like my mother as soon as we walked through the fucking door. I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t deal with you. Fuck, just go. Leave. I don’t want you here anymore, not if you’re going to treat me like a fucking child.”

Your eyes widened a bit, your mouth parting in a silent plea. Surely he didn’t mean that, right? 

Wrong. “I mean it, Y/n,” he rasped as he turned back around and headed towards the bedroom. The same one he had shared with you, officially, for three months. Unofficially for five years. “Get the fuck out.”

-

Bradley wished he had let Nat take better care of him last night. Maybe she could’ve helped prevent his face from looking this fucking bad. Without proper care for them, the bruises worsened overnight and his left eye was half closed because of the darkened skin around it.

He looked terrible, but still he found himself feeling happy because you would be here soon. 

You were coming here, to him.

He could look as bad as he wanted, it still wouldn’t dampen the mood he is in at the fact that he would finally get to see you again after spending so long without you. 

Though, he was sure you would hate his current appearance. You never did like seeing him like this, and he wished he won last night and didn’t let himself get knocked around so much if he knew there was a chance he could get you back the next day.

His heart skipped multiple beats at that. 

He was a few minutes away from possibly getting you back, from being the one who receives all your love and affection like he had been for five years. He’d be damned if he fucked this up. 

Minutes that feel like hours pass before he hears quiet knocking on the door, and Bradley had to take a second to compose himself before he embarrassed himself by rambling as soon as he saw you. 

He made it to the door in three strides and took less than a second to open it. 

For the first time in months Bradley felt like his world was falling back into place. His heart leaped in his bruised chest and his arms begged the rest of him to take you into them. 

He longed for the sweet scent of vanilla you always seemed to emit, and he was desperate to know if you still fit perfectly against him. He knew you did, but he wanted to prove it to the few doubts that ran around in his head. 

“Baby,” he rasped, his voice rough and breathless as he took you in.

You hadn’t changed at all, not really. You effortlessly made the grey sweatpants and black tee you wore look like the most beautiful outfit he had ever seen you in, and he knew if he looked close enough he might be able to tell if your hair had grown out a bit or not, but he was mainly focusing on your achingly pretty face. 

“Bradley,” you said back, equally as quiet. 

Then he was taking one step towards you and you were meeting him way more than half way by jumping into his arms. Your legs wrap around his waist as his hands instinctively grab onto the undersides of your thighs, and you fit perfectly against him. 

The impact of your body crashing against his had him holding back a grunt as his chest was still extremely sore, but he needed this. He needed you, and he was fucking kidding himself when he tried to think otherwise. 

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, burying his face in the space between your neck and shoulder. Not being able to stop himself, he kissed the skin there multiple times as he felt his eyes sting with unshed tears. “So fucking sorry. I can’t believe I said all that shit to you.”

He pulled away in order to make eye contact with you, finding your eyes in a similar state as his. 

“I was out of my fucking mind, babygirl,” he murmured, brushing his nose against yours as he spoke the words you’ve been wanting to hear for weeks now. “Completely out of my mind. You’re everything to me, baby, you always have been. Always will be.” 

No more words were said after that as you both gave each other a look of consent before Bradley was closing the distance between you completely and kissing you deeply. Your hands slide up and tangle in his hair, tugging on it in the way that still drove him crazy. 

Your lips mesh together like no time at all has passed. One of his own hands reached up and gripped the side of your face gently, his fingers curling around your jaw and angling your head a bit as the kiss progressed. 

“I missed you,” you confessed when you pulled away for air, your eyes softening at the bruises around his eyes and on his nose. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. You’re right, I should’ve been, I-”

Bradley shook his head quickly, effectively cutting you off with the simple movement. “No, I wasn’t,” he corrected you. “I was wrong about everything. About all of it. I’m just a big fucking idiot. I can’t believe I said all that to you. I was mad and embarrassed and you were just trying to help me. God, you’re so perfect, babygirl. You’re too good for me, I don’t deserve you and I never did. I know that, but I love you. So fucking much. There’s no one else for me except you.”

Your fingers gently trace the edges of his wounds, your slightly wet lips quivering a bit as you took in both his words and appearance. 

He sounded as broken as he looked, and the sight had your heart aching in your chest painfully. “Bradley,” you whisper, closing your eyes and kissing his forehead as your tears begin to steadily fall. “You really don’t see yourself in the way I see you, huh?”

Your breathless laugh has a smile forming on his lips as he shakes his head again and pulls you close to him once more. “I’m an idiot,”

“You’re everything,” you say and wrap your arms tightly around his shoulders. “I want you to be happy, and if you weren’t happy with me then that was okay. I didn’t want to hold you back, I still don’t want to hold you back. If you still want me, I promise, I will be your number one supporter forever. I’ll get over everything and be on your team again. I’ll be in your corner whenever you’re in that ring, I swear.”

Bradley let out a laugh mixed with a cry. “I still want you, baby,” he promised, holding your body close to his. “I’ll always want you. Always. You make me happy. I was the one who ruined everything, not you. This is all on me.”

You pull back, grinning at the way his arms reluctantly loosened around you. “I love you,” 

He leans in and kisses you, pulling your chest completely against his as he stepped back into his house and kicked the door closed. “I love you,” he said back, kissing you again as he stumbled his way into the living room. “I love you so much.”

He repeated it as he settled on the couch above you, wrapped up in your arms now. 

“Take me back,” he begged, kissing along your neck as your hands trailed through his hair. “Please, take me back. Stay here with me, please.”

You take his face in your hands and press a soft but firm kiss to his mouth, soothing the sting of his bruises with the pads of your thumbs. “Always,” you promised, and Bradley knew there was a lot more you and he needed to talk about, but he was okay with just being with you like this until that time came.

-

@itsmytimetoodream

@khaylin27

@broosterradley

@haydenshousewife

[anxiousheart7]

*spoilers* Astarion’s story - analysis and thoughts

I’ve been thinking quite a lot on Astarion the last couple of weeks, and the journey I’ve been on with him. I’ve seen a lot of content about him.

I’ll start by saying this - I didn’t ascend him. I couldn’t. I did, however, watch the ascension on YouTube but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And I’m going to explain why.

Here’s the TL:DR version, with my deeper dive below.

As Astarion gets his revenge in Cazador, his flurry of knives felt oddly satisfying to me. It was a release as grim and cathartic. That cry of pain and ending felt necessary for him. I came out of that palace knowing that it was ok and he’d be ok.

The ascension felt gratuitous. Watching him carve exactly what Cazador put him through should have been cathartic too, but it wasn’t. I just felt a shiver of cold. And that was the moment I knew it was the ‘bad’ ending.

Experiencing Astarion’s Journey - delving deeper

I don’t think I’ve ever quite experienced a character story like his before. Here’s someone who is quite clearly designed to draw you in via the usual routes. He’s attractive, he’s got the funny lines. He’s the rogue - a lot of D&D players’ favourite class. He quickly becomes indispensable.

At the start, his flirting was fun. Act 1 I think is supposed to be a light hearted toe in the water, so to speak. Right up until your first major choice with the goblin vs tiefling conflict. Then it becomes real. But until then you can spend copious amounts of time wandering and chatting to your new friends in camp while some of them (namely Lae’zel, Gale, Karlach and Astarion) go straight to ‘i want you’ territory. And you’ll gravitate to those that are ready to get hot and heavy because…video game sex.

There was such a focus on romancing your camp and you lean into that so heavily in act 1. Approval is all-important. And his approval is harder to get, so you try harder with your choices. You want this guy. Like really want him. He’s like ambrosia. And, if you’re not one of the 100k rejections toted in Larion’s infographic, you get him.

As a recovering people pleaser, I’m not going to lie, that was a hard concept to grasp. To make your choices based on who you were trying to impress is exactly the kind of behaviour I’ve been trying to step away from in real life. But hey, this is a game so I’ll be ok.

And then it starts…

Looking back, there’s this line that stood out ‘it felt like you weren’t all there’. Despite his insistence later, Astarion was very likely going to that place of dissociation that he talks about later on. And that’s sad, because as Tav you want this milestone to be special. You want them to fall in love with you. The reward for all your hard-earned approval hiking.

But Astarion masks. He masks well, but you can tell on Insight that it’s all an act. Even when you look closely, the ham fisted complements he throws at you reflects the 10 charisma he’s carrying around. He works as a lothario not because he’s an adept silver-tongued Casanova. It’s because he’s simply beautiful. People see him and want him. His looks mask what’s going on underneath. But then you look into his eyes and it’s right there, plain as day.

There’s so much more underneath. I have watched the scene over and over with the hammy chat up lines as he’s trying to convince you to sleep with him again (I got propositioned first before the tiefling party) and the more I watch, the more I believe that ‘I love you’ wasn’t an act. They wouldn’t have given you three brush off comment choices if it was. He meant that, and I don’t think he even realised he meant it until he found the words coming out of his mouth - as though he was daring himself to say it.

With Astarion, it’s all in the eyes.

And, as someone who has seen those eyes in the mirror on a pretty regular basis, I knew there and then until he started revealing his backstory - the scars, the master and all the rest, I knew this was going to hit very hard and this man was a deep well. He was so lost that he barely had any idea of who he was any more.

By the time you’re well into Act 2, you’re starting to get the gist of him. You learn about his sadness and sense of loss around his identity before he was turned. You learn about the scars. And you learn about Cazador. I got the sense that all of this exposition was almost like a therapy dump from him. Thoughts and feelings he’s wanted to express for decades but hasn’t had a soul to tell - or he’s been compelled not to by his master. Now he can get them out. He can voice how unfair and unjust it feels. The sarcasm, the cynicism, all a way of expressing how much pain he is in. But one thing he’s never lost is the knowledge that he doesn’t deserve this. He hasn’t been beaten down so much to believe that he is unworthy of better treatment. And that sense of self is what I believe has kept him going all this time. He knows it wasn’t his fault. He knows Cazador was a cruel, sadistic monster.

And I hugged him. Of course I hugged him. I defended his autonomy from the moonrise drow and I hugged him after. At this point I’d fallen as hard for him as he had for me. I cared for him. I couldn’t make any of those obviously awful choices with him. When the details of the ritual came up I felt a knot in my stomach. And sure enough every time we talked after that point he talked about taking that power and I thought ‘this will be rough’.

It reminded me of a lot of really bad experiences I’d had in the past. Boyfriends and friends who were clearly bad for me and I was bad for them. And yet, I needed to help this guy. This person who had nobody for so long. Who didn’t know what it felt like to have someone actually care about him.

I looked this as someone who has experienced trauma in their life. How would I feel. How have I felt? To be scared of so many things. To wonder why on earth would I do something nice for someone else when I’ve sat in alleys, starving and in pain while people just walk on by. No gods to answer my pleas for help. I’d be cynical and disapproving too. I’d have a warped sense of humour. I’d want to never feel that again. Of course he saw the one thing that could protect him and feel compelled to grasp it with both hands.

Astarion has conjured up feelings in me I thought were long gone.

Astarion’s finale

The images I’ve included in this post have been doing the rounds on tumblr and this hits so hard it hurts. Astarion’s journey ends in such as way that it’s meant to be hard.

If you’re a gamer that commodifies your characters as a series of stats or objectifies them based on their design, then ascend him. It doesn’t matter to you. And I’ve seen plenty of people on message boards and Facebook saying exactly that - “but he gets these powers and is so badass”. They’ve never seen past the facade. He was a jerk at the start of the game, a creepy flirt and a vampire ready to be staked. And that was it.

Every excessive power in this game has a major consequence that you have to live with. This choice I think is one of the biggest before the climax of the game.

The ascension pretty much erases him. It takes who he was and the healing that he’s done and throws it away, as if it never really mattered.

And to him he’s worth exactly what he thought he was to begin with. His self-worth is warped into superiority and his hunger and fear replaced with a hunger for power and dominance. He’s not free in this form. He just becomes a new kind of imprisoned. He’s placed in stasis forevermore. And this won’t last forever because as absolute power corrupts absolutely, it also falls. Just like Ozymandius, he’ll rise and collapse under his own grandiose. And he’ll take you with him if you let him.

That steamy scene before he turns you is basically exactly what the Larion writer is saying - you’ve not empathised or grown here. Have your sex scene and then enjoy your eternal enslavement with New Cazador. It’s a bad ending for you and Astarion. You get to be exactly what he was, no matter what pretty words he tried to convince you with - he’s still that 10 charisma trying to convince himself as much as you. He’s Act 1 Astarion with some nifty new powers. He will control you like a doll and yours will be the same half life his was. He’ll start with promises of being his right hand, but somewhere down the line you’ll do or say something and he’ll do to you what was done to him. It’s the ultimate narcissistic relationship.

If Astarion walks away, he’s him. Truly him. With purpose and a new path to walk. You can build a new life together with nothing holding you back. The trauma behind him, he can now walk a path of healing for himself and learn who he is. It makes me feel hopeful and joyful that he gets a second chance.

And that’s where I’m at. My ideal ending is for them both to go off together searching for a cure for his vampirism. Whether it’s possible, who knows - on writing this I’m still to finish my first run of the game. But at least there’s that glimmer of hope in that ending.

I think Astarion is beautiful. There’s a reason half the internet is madly in love with him right now. But if you let yourself, he becomes more than a nice body and a pretty face. His complexity opens up like a puzzle box and you feel the satisfaction of a truly beautiful arc come to its climax. He’s a beautifully written and crafted character and I’m so glad to have experienced his story.

I could say so much more…but it’s long enough as it is. Thanks for reading x

[harrywavycurly]

Hey Sarah I’m in a mood and I was wondering if you could break my heart (pls put it back together tho) with any of the Eddies or Joes

Hiii lovey!! I will gladly break your heart and I’m gonna be totally honest I had a whole moment where I went “what if…I don’t put it back together?” but don’t worry I will…eventually(I really will fix it I promise) 🙈 but I did this in a conversation formate because that’s how it flowed the best in my mind so I hope you enjoy💖

-I had to create a whole new Eddie for this because I simply couldn’t bring myself to break any of my precious babies hearts😂

A/N: This has a cliff hanger and I’m sorry I feel like it’s necessary and you’ll see why, don’t hate me✨

“You know staring at it won’t make it magically disappear right?…you’re gonna have to open it eventually.” “Gee thanks Steve…what would I do without your words of wisdom?” “Listen jackass sitting here on your front porch staring at a cardboard box isn’t exactly how I planned on spending my Friday night okay?” “Then why’d you come over?” “Because…you called and sounded all…upset…and you’re like one of my bestfriends so…here I am.” “Thanks…” “So…what’d you do?” “I fucked up.” “I mean yeah…that’s a little obvious…I mean what did you actually do to make her send all your stuff back in a box marked…the asshole’s stuff?” “We got into an argument and she walked out and I didn’t go after her.” “Wait..what?..what do you mean you didn’t go after her?” “I mean exactly what I said Steve…I said some shit…she said some shit and then she left and I just…let her….” “What was this argument about?” “She got a wedding invitation from some girl we went to high school with and it made her all…happy and hopeful for our future and..she started talking about us getting married and I just…I’m not ready for all that shit man I’m only twenty three I can’t be someone’s husband.” “Okay so you just tell her you’re not ready yet…you don’t just throw in the fucking towel Eddie.” “You didn’t see her face when she was talking about our lives together Steve…she’s ready for that like right now and I don’t…I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.” “What exactly did you say to her?” “I just told her…if she’s looking for someone to marry she’s looking in the wrong place…and…and she just..called me a selfish asshole and left.” “Well she wasn’t wrong…and that’s when you just let her drive away?” “I didn’t even move from the couch…I sat there the rest of the night because I just assumed she’d come back after she calmed down a bit.” “You’re such an idiot man…but just tell me…is it the idea of being with her forever that you don’t think you’re ready for? Or is just being her husband you can’t wrap your head around?” “I love her…more than anyone and I know she’s it for me but I’m not husband material Steve and that’s not…fare to her.” “Oh fuck off with that…she clearly thinks your husband material or she wouldn’t bring it up so don’t go trying to say you did this as a favor to her okay? You did this because you’re scared.” “I’m not scared.” “Yes you fucking are Eddie…you’re terrified that someone else loves you so much that they literally want to be legally bound to you…that’s some heavy shit man so I get it but that’s why you made her run away…it has nothing to do with this lame ass excuse of you not being husband material.” “I just..I don’t want to fuck it up..I’ve seen enough horrible marriages I don’t need to be apart of one too.” “Sorry to break it to you man but…you kinda already did.” “Yeah…I did didn’t I? She couldn’t even write my name on the box…” “Oh asshole isn’t your first name? I’m shocked.” “Fuck off…” “Sorry…but you wanna go through it now or…wait?” “I don’t need to go through it…I know what’s in it.” “Oh really? What?” “A few mix cds I made her… a teddy bear from a claw machine at the arcade…some letters…a photo of us at the lake one summer and hopefully a few Metallica shirts.” “Letters?” “Yeah? We used to write each other all the time…it was like our way of expressing how we felt sometimes when we couldn’t really…get the words out…why are you looking at me like that?” “Do you want her back?” “What?” “Answer the question man.” “Yes…yes I want her back…” “Just checking…because…I may have an idea…” “Okay…I’m listening…”

[imiwrites]

Moon Song

Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

So I'll wait for the next time you want me

Like a dog with a bird at your door

Sypnosis: Sirius was the best boyfriend you could've asked for. Until he wasn't.

WC: 5.0k (it's a pretty long one but it's worth it i swear)

Warnings: ANGSTY, cheating, second chances, toxic relationships, use of Y/N,

A/N: i was listening to Phoebe Bridgers then this idea struck. Orginally inspired by Georgia and then I realised it was more Moon Song vibes. Enjoyyy.

masterlist

Sirius Black is the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. Handsome, chivalrous, funny. The list was endless. You couldn’t even name a single bad trait he had. 

You love him, of course. Endlessly. More than words could describe. 

I’m going to marry this man, was a thought that was constantly in your mind, bringing a grin to your face every time. 

It pops in your head when he holds your hand walking down the halls, or when he kisses you senseless, or when he hugs you so tight, that you truly believe your body has never felt safer. 

So yes, it was safe to say that Sirius Black was the best boyfriend you could ask for. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞« 

“Well good morning to you.” Sirius grins up at you, lying on the couch in the common room. 

You had just woken up. You are not a morning person. You yawn, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to make you more alert. 

“Mornin’.” You lazily smile back at him. 

Sirius sat up on the couch, patting the space next to him. “Come sit, love.”

You smile at him gratefully, leaning your head against the solidness of his chest. 

“Much better.” You say softly, smiling up at him. 

Best boyfriend ever. 

“I’m going out tonight. With James. Ravenclaw’s throwing a party. I know they aren’t really your thing, but you know I would love it if you wanted to come with me.” Sirius whispers into your hair.

You hum, giving it thought.

“You’re right. Not really my scene. But, as a compromise, I’ll wait up in the common room ‘til you come back.” 

Sirius frowns at that. 

“Don’t wanna keep you up, love. It’s fine if you just go to bed, y’know. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.” You laugh softly, the sensation tickling Sirius’ neck.

“I’m not waiting up because I don’t think you can take care of myself. I’m waiting up because I like seeing you. And, besides, you are really funny when you’re drunk.”

Sirius snorts, but nods his head in agreement.

“Alright, love. I’ll come back early for you, don’t worry.”

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

“I love him,” you gush, resting your head in Lily’s lap, your eyes heavy.

She smiled lopsidedly at you, her fingers twisting through your hair, plaiting small braids in your hair. 

“Really?” she says, a sarcastic tone to her voice, “You don’t say.” You lightly tap her arm, ignoring her mocking. “Haha. Very funny, Lils. Don’t tell me you don’t act the same with James.”

That gets a reaction out of her, making her pale cheeks a soft red.

“I’m just saying,” she shrugs, looking away in embarrassment, her hands continuing to braid your hair. 

James had come back an hour earlier, and you’d stuck to your promise to Sirius that the pair of you had made earlier. Lily, being the fiercely loyal friend she is, insisted on waiting up with you. 

The common room door opened, and you could hear Sirius voice, albeit slurred, echoing through the space. 

Your face light up, and you immediately sat up from Lily’s lap, getting ready to see your boyfriend. 

That was, until you heard another voice with him. A female voice.

Confused, you took a step forward, trying to determine who Sirius was with. 

A girl. A girl, whose arm was wrapped around Sirius’ own. They were laughing, and she was getting really close to him, being insanely touchy with him. You could’ve sworn you heard the shatter of your heart, then and there.

“Sirius?” you whisper, eyes filling with tears. 

He didn’t notice you properly at first, too occupied with the girl who was quite literally hanging off him. But when he saw you, he looked guilty.

Your perfect boyfriend, the one who saw every side of you, the one who could lighten your mood with just a smile, the one who could do no wrong. 

Yet, here he was, with another girl.

“Y/N, I-” he starts. His words are thick, and you can smell the stench of firewhisky, despite the distance between you two. 

“Save it.” you whisper, turning your back on him, hurriedly rushing up the stairs so he wouldn’t see the tears in you eyes. 

“Lily, you know I would never do something like this. I-I swear.” Sirius spoke slowly, tentatively watching Lily.

“You should tell that to her, not me.” Lily spoke, harshly calm. “But it’s not looking good Sirius. You know that.”

And with that, she walked away, leaving Sirius Black stranded in the common room. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞« 

The next morning was, unsurprisingly, met with a flurry of apologies from Sirius. Usually, your heart would melt at the sight of him begging for your forgiveness. Hell, you would’ve found it romantic if you weren’t thinking about what he was apologising for. But instead, you let Lily lead you away. 

Your red nose and tired eyes did not escape Sirius’ view, and it made him feel terrible. He didn’t mean it, he knew he didn’t. You weren’t at the party, so, in typically Sirius nature, he went to the first girl that held an even slight resemblance to you. He wouldn’t have made a move on her, he had thought, but his recollection of the night was hazy. 

He wouldn’t have made a move on her, would he? You were too important to him. He could never…

God, he fucked up big time.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

It seemed the universe knew about his fuck up, too. He couldn’t get you alone at all. He needed to see you. This past day had been pure torture for him, all he could think about was apologizing to you. 

“She’ll come around, don’t worry, Padfoot,” James says, trying to comfort the boy. 

“But what if she doesn’t, James! Don’t you get it? I fucked up. Majorly. God, I don’t think she’s gonna come around. She deserves so much more than someone who’d cheat on her the minute she’s not there.” He pauses, taking in a breath. “I was awful, Prongs. I don’t think she’s gonna come around.”

James looks at him sympathetically, but he was at a complete loss for words. 

“Apologise to her, Sirius.” Remus speaks up softly, “If you think she deserves better, become the better she deserves. Y/N isn’t someone who would give up on love so easily. She may resent you for a while, but I’m sure, if you properly explain what happened, and give her a well-deserved apology, that she may be willing to start fresh.”

Sirius stops pacing, staring at Remus.

“Y’know, Moony, you might just be right! I fucked up one time, I’ve just gotta put it behind us and apologise. Then it should be alright again!” 

For the first time that day, Sirius was grinning. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

You took a shaky breath, staring at yourself in the mirror. Your face wasn’t red anymore, though your eyes were still a bit swollen from the crying. You shook your head, looking away from the mirror, and moving towards your bed. Falling down gracelessly, you stuff your face in your pillow, letting out a silenced scream. 

You aren’t sure how long you lie like that. It wasn’t until a knock on your door made you jump. 

“Y/N, please. I-I know you don’t want to speak to me, and I know I should give you some space, but at least let me give you something.” Sirius calls out from your door.

You hesitate. You badly want to let him in, run into his arms and just stay there. You also want to scream at him, hurt him the same way he hurt you. But most of all, you don’t want to see him.

“Love, I promise I won’t bother you until you’re ready.” When he doesn’t get a response, he lets out a defeated sigh. “I’ll leave now. I’ve got something for you, I’ll just leave it at your door. I’m here when you’re ready.”

You don’t move until you hear the gradual fade of his footsteps. Cautiously, you open the door. A basket lay on the wooden floors, filled with chocolates and sweets of all kind. Next to it, was a bouquet of flowers tied neatly by a ribbon. You pick the things up, placing the basket on your bed, and grabbing a vase for the flowers. 

As you take a seat on your bed, you notice a letter tucked inside the basket. You pause. Do you really want to read it? You weren’t sure. Biting your lip anxiously, you carefully unfold it. 

“My love, 

Words cannot express how sorry I am. I could fill this whole note with apologies to you, and I still wouldn’t be done. But you already know that, and apologies aren’t going to fix this. I understand that now. 

I know you’re hurting. I’m hurting to, just thinking about how you feel. It was an honest mistake, whether you want to take my word for it or not. I truly don’t know why I did it. It was a horrible thing for me to do, and I wouldn’t be shocked if I lost you forever because of it. I sincerely hope I don’t. I love you too much for that to happen.

I suppose I was missing you. I know you don’t go to these parties, and that is always alright with me, but I guess it would’ve been nice to have you there with me for once. Not that you have to, you know. I suppose I just wanted to be held by you, and this girl just looked so much like you, I guess I didn’t realise it wasn’t you until it was too late. 

This did not happen because I’m not happy with you. In fact, you’ve made my life ultimately better by just existing. And I know you are upset with me right now, but please, Y/N, I want us to be okay. 

Talk to me when you’re ready.

Yours,

Sirius Black.”

You stare at the letter, frozen, unsure what to do. Sirius was your boyfriend, after all. It would be awful of you if you weren’t to forgive him, especially after the heartfelt gift he’d just given to you.

But… he did cheat on you. Regardless, he cheated. 

He wouldn’t do it again, you think, he was just drunk and missing me. He would never do this on purpose.

Your eyes flicked to the photo of you too sitting on your bedside table. It was taken in winter, and you two were standing in the snow in Hogsmeade. He had his arms wrapped around you firmly, and you were looking up at him, laughing. 

You had to give him another chance. You couldn’t just give it all up.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

“Sirius…” Your voice makes him jump. He wasn’t expecting a response from you so soon.

“Y/N.” He copies, giving her a nervous smile.

“You wouldn’t do it again, would you?” You ask, eyes on the ground, not looking at him.

Sirius stands up from his spot on the couch, tilting your chin up to look at him.

“Never, love. I swear.” 

He had an honest look on his face, and you trusted him fully.

You smiled, and he echoed it right back at you. 

“We’ll be okay, love. We always will.” He whispers to you, his lips close to your ear, making you shiver.

“I know. I don’t doubt it for a second.” You grin at him, before pulling him down into a much-needed kiss. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

Things with Sirius were almost completely back to normal. You put his mistakes in the past, focusing purely on the present. 

At least, that’s how it was for most of the time. Sometimes at night, you lie awake, wondering how he could’ve done something like this to you. He swore he would never do something like this again. But you were sure he didn’t think he would do something like this in the first place. 

Regardless, you put on a happy face, and try to make things go back to the way they were before. 

Sirius is acting different, however. He is almost more charming. It was obvious to you that he’s trying to make up for his mistakes, but you believe that it would be better to just forget it ever happened. That way, you can change your thinking, gaslighting yourself into thinking it didn’t happen at all. 

You found that was the easiest way to deal with the pain. You would never admit to Sirius just how much this had effected you. He already felt awful, and he’d apologised for it, right? So there was nothing to worry about. 

You sigh, trying your hardest to focus your attention back on the book in front of you. Studying in the quiet of the library usually put yourself at ease, but it seems to be no use now. Your mind is travelling a million miles per hour, and there’s nothing you could do to slow the thoughts down.

“Y/N, hi.” Remus smiles, sliding into the vacant seat next to you, bringing out his books and placing them gently on the desk.

“Hey Remus, what subject?” You ask, gesturing to the books he’d just placed down. 

“Potions. Figured I get a headstart on the new assignment Slughorn has given us. You?”

“Astronomy. Professor Sinstra has been giving me a headache about N.E.W.T.S, so I thought I should study for my test.” You shrug, looking at the sprawl of open books. 

“And how’s that going for you?” Remus chuckles lightly, glancing down at the empty page of your notebook. 

You groan, laying your head down on the desk. “Not very well. Can’t focus properly.”

Remus smiles slightly in understanding. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You sigh. Do you really want to burden Remus with this, too? Sirius is his best friend.

Remus notices your hesitation, and looks at you worriedly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just might be nice not to have to worry on your own.” 

“How d’you know I’m worrying?” You question.

He tilts his head. “Y/N, we’ve been friends for a long time. It isn’t that hard to tell when you aren’t feeling okay.”

You sigh again, lifting your head up from the desk. “Dunno, it’s stupid.”

Remus shakes his head. “It’s not stupid if you don’t think it’s stupid.”

You pause, biting your lip. “I just- it’s stupid, really. Just overthinking. Y’know, with the whole Sirius thing. I just want everything to go back to normal, but whenever he’s with me, it’s like he’s walking on eggshells.”

Remus frowns. “It’s not stupid, Y/N. You’re scared. Have you talked to Sirius about this?”

You shake your head, eyes wide. “No, and you must not say a word about this to him, either. I don’t want to make it worse. He already feels awful about it.”

“But it’s stressing you out, Y/N! And this is Sirius we’re talking about. He’s understanding, he won’t be upset if you bring this up. To be honest, I think it might make him feel better.”

“You think?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows as Remus nods. 

“You two are so in sync, you just need to get over this rough patch. Talk it out with him, and if it makes things worse than you can blame me.” Remus smiles. 

You nod your head slowly, uncertain, but you would trust Remus with your life. You know he’s being honest with you. Gathering your belongings, you stand up. “Thanks, Remus.” “Anytime, Y/N, you know that.”

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

Remus was right, as per usual. Sirius and you had talked it out, and your relationship was finally back to normal. Months had passed since the incident, and there was nothing that had happened that made you doubt your love for him. 

“Morning, dove.” Sirius smiles at you, placing a chaste kiss to your cheek, before taking a seat next to you at the breakfast table. 

“Morning, Siri.” You grin at him, leaning into his side a little as you ate. 

It was a Saturday morning, and the hours had gone by slowly. For once, you’d waken up earlier than Sirius, choosing to head down and get an early breakfast before everyone else woke up and stole your favourite foods. 

“You’re up early. Any reason as to why?” Sirius asks, leaning forward to put some food on his plate. 

You shake your head at his question. “No, just woke up early today. Sorry I didn’t wait for you, I really wanted to go down and eat. Such a wider variety when you don’t wake up late.”

“It’s ok, Y/N, you know I don’t mind. I just hate the thought of you eating alone.” 

You laugh and shake your head. “I didn’t eat alone, silly. Remus was with me.” 

For the first time since Sirius sat down, he looked away from you and across the table, and there sat Remus. The boy gave him a smile, but Sirius didn’t return it. That confused you, the pair were really close friends. 

“Right.” Sirius murmurs, choosing to play with his food instead of looking at either of you. He almost looked… angry. But that wouldn’t be right, would it? Sirius never got angry. 

“Well, I’ve gotta go study some more. I’ll see you two later, yeah?” Remus says, getting up from his seat. 

“Yeah, yeah, see you later.” Sirius grumbles, still not looking up. You shoot him a confused look, before smiling up at Remus. 

“See you later, Rem. Enjoy your study!” You waved him off, watching him walk away.

“So, Rem, huh?” Sirius blurts out, finally meeting your eyes. 

You tilt your head, “Come on, Sirius. Don’t be like that. We’ve been friends forever, you know that.” 

“So you’d rather have breakfast with him then me?” You were slightly anxious. Sirius had never shown anger towards you. Sure, you’d seen him angry, but he never pointed his anger towards you. 

“It wasn’t planned. I woke up, and went down here, and Remus was already sitting down, reading a book. You know I love eating breakfast with you. Don’t be sour, love.” You put your hand on his shoulder, and lean in to kiss his cheek, but he moves away, brushing your hand off as he does so. 

“If you love it so much, why didn’t you wait for me, hmm? Instead, you decide to go gallivanting around with one of my best mates! For all I know, you could be cheating on me!” His voice is raised, and you flinch away.

“Last time I checked, it was you who cheated on me!” You say, the anger getting to you as tears prickle your eyes. God, not now. “You really think I would stoop that low, Sirius? Why would I even cheat on you! Remus and I are friends, you know that, he knows that, everyone knows that! So don’t you dare accuse me of cheating on you, Sirius Black!”

You slammed your cutlery down on your plate, getting up and leaving. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

You didn’t speak to Sirius for the rest of the day. And it seems that he had the same plan as you, the both of you avoiding each other at all costs. You stayed in your dorm, not leaving once. 

“Y/N… are you okay?” Lily asks as she walks into the dorm, sitting down next you on your bed.

“‘m fine.” You grumble, not looking her in the eye.

“I heard the two of you, down at breakfast. What happened?”

“Sirius thought I was cheating on him with Remus,” you let out a humourless laugh, “I was trying to calm him down, when he accused me of cheating on him. Just because I sat with Remus at breakfast.” 

Lily rubs your back sympathetically. “Are you okay, though?” 

You pause. In all the chaos that had ensured this morning, you truly didn’t think about how you felt. 

“I… I don’t know, Lils. It hurt, that he thought I would cheat on him. And I was mean. I brought up… you know. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t thinking properly. I was just so angry.” 

Tears began to fall from your eyes, and Lily was quick to wipe them away with her thumb. 

“It’s okay, Y/N, you know, Sirius was probably tired, and you know how he gets. I don’t think he meant it.” Lily said pulling you into a hug. You rest your head on her shoulder, tears staining her shirt, but you know Lily wouldn’t be letting you go anytime soon. 

“He’s never been angry with me before. It scared me.”

“I know, Y/N/N, I know.” She pulled out of the embrace, “Maybe get some sleep, yeah? It might help you think clearer. I’ll have a talk with James, see if Sirius has said anything to him. It’ll be alright, Y/N, I know it will.”

You nod your head, curling in on yourself, silent tears streaming down your face as you fell asleep.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

The next day, you slugged down to breakfast. Late, this time. You don’t think you’d ever have an early breakfast again. 

“How are you feeling?” Lily asks softly as you take a seat next to her. 

“Okay.” You shrug. It wasn’t a lie. You weren’t feeling bad, and you certainly weren’t feeling good. You were somewhere in the middle.

“I talked to James last night.” Lily begins, and you look over at her. “Sirius had talked with James after it all happened. Apparently he was mad. But he was also upset. I think he knew that you wouldn’t do that to him, but the reminder that he did it got to him. James said that he wasn’t thinking straight. Apparently he’d gotten a letter from his mother that night.”

“Why wouldn’t he say anything to me?” You ask softly. Did he not trust you?

“I’m… I’m not too sure. Maybe just check in with him. Only if you want to, of course. If you want to break up with him and never see him again then I’m completely fine with that too.”

You let out a snort. 

“I’ll talk with him, I s’pose.” You smiled softly, and Lily leant her head on your shoulder. “You want to? I didn’t force you to, right?” 

“I want to. It was only a fight. Couples fight all the time.” 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

You knocked on the door of Sirius’ dorm room gently. 

“Who is it?” You hear Sirius call out. He doesn’t sound very good, and your heart breaks at the feeling of him being upset on his own.

“It’s me,” you say softly, “can I come in?”

You hear a shuffle behind the door, and after a minute or two, Sirius opens the door with a creak. He looks awful. There were dark bags underneath his puffy red eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t eaten. 

“You got a letter from your mother?” You ask tentatively. He looks confused, and he’s about to open his mouth when you answer his question. “James told me.”

“Ah.” He says, standing there awkwardly. He fiddles with his rings, and you let out a slow breath, staring down at his hands.

“I’m sorry, Sirius. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It just felt… awful to be accused of something I didn’t do. I should never have brought up the past. We’d moved on from it, and I had to go and bring it up.” 

“I know you would never cheat on me, Y/N. I guess… I was just overwhelmed with my mother, and I got jealous over Remus. I’m not good at controlling my emotions.” He laughs humourlessly.

You look up at him slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me your mother wrote to you?” Your voice broke, and you could feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “I could’ve been there for you. I could’ve helped. You know I only ever want the best for you, Siri.”

He lets out a breath of his own. “I never want you to have to worry about me. I’ve always dealt with my family issues on my own, or with James. I never tell anyone else, and I didn’t want to burden you with it. They’re… a lot. And the letter, it wasn’t nice. I didn’t want you to get upset.”

“But I want to help you, Sirius. That’s what I’m here for. I’m your girlfriend, you can tell me everything. You don’t need to hide things from me.” You smile. 

He moved forward hugging you tightly. He rests his face in the crook of your neck, and you can feel his body relax in your arms. 

“Thank you, Y/N. I don’t deserve you. You’re too good to me.” He mumbles

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

But it seemed that Sirius did feel the need to hide things from you. When you’d hang out together, sometimes he’d go quiet when you’d ask a question, or he would get defensive about something small. 

And he most certainly did not discuss the letter from his mother. 

You knew you shouldn’t push him, so you didn’t. You waited patiently for him to come to you and tell you what the letter was about. You waited weeks, and you didn’t hear another word on it. You even found out from James that he’d gotten another one, but he still didn’t bring that up. But you never pushed him. You continued to wait. 

It started to get worse, though. Sometimes, he’d disappear for the whole day. He’d cancel your plans. He’d sit with other people at dinner. He wouldn’t ask you to help him study.

You tried to believe that it was because of the letter from his mother. You truly did try, but you knew it wasn’t the case. There has to be something else. Someone else. 

You enter the library with a stack of books. You’d fallen a bit behind on your schoolwork due to your worries about Sirius. 

I’ll finish this and I’ll worry about Sirius later.

Turns out, you didn’t even have time to start your schoolwork before you had to think about Sirius and what he was doing. In fact, he was right in front of you, sitting with a Ravenclaw girl. She was undoubtedly pretty, you were fairly certain she was in the year below you. 

You try to keep your thoughts positive. Sirius was smart when he wants to be, maybe a professor finally realised that and gave him the tas of tutoring a student. You look at the table, not a single book in sight. You let out a shaky breath. They must be friends then. Though, Sirius had never mentioned being friends with a girl in Ravenclaw before. Maybe it was a new thing. 

Your positive thoughts ended pretty quickly, though, when you see Sirius lean in closer, smiling at her how he used to smile at you, then giving the girl a deep kiss. 

When was the last time he kissed you like that?

You stand there frozen, unsure of what to do. You can’t move. You want to look away, but your eyes refuse to leave their table. The girl pulls away, and Sirius has a grin on his face. Strange, how you hadn’t seen that smile in ages, but this girl gets it so easily. 

You can’t take it anymore. You’re books clutter to the floor, and the noise is enough to make the pair look over at you. The smile on Sirius’ face disappeared fast, and he’s standing up in an instant. 

“Y/N!” he calls, rushing over to you. But you certainly aren’t waiting around to hear his excuse. 

You run out of the library, the books discarded on the floor. Tears stream out of your eyes, and you hear him call out to you again. He’s nearing you, and looking around, there’s nowhere for you to run to. You’re well and truly cornered. 

“Y/N, please, I-I can make it up to you. I swear. I’ll be good for you.” Sirius looks heartbroken. 

How dare he, you think, how dare he look heartbroken when he did this to himself.

“How many times are you gonna say that until you mean it?” You ask, holding your head up high, trying to remain strong despite the tears that have fallen onto your cheeks. 

He stammers, but he can’t come up with a good answer. 

“You said you loved me, Sirius. How many times did you say that and lie? I have given you everything you could’ve asked for and more, but it’s not enough for you, is it?” You sniff, and inhale shakily, “It was never enough. I was never enough.” 

Sirius looks at you, but he can’t say anything. 

Can’t or won’t? a cruel part of you thinks. 

“Don’t talk to me again, Sirius Black. We’re done. I never want to see your face again.” 

You turn away, leaving Sirius stranded in the hallway. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

Sirius Black was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. 

But he was also the worst. 

Sure, he was handsome, chivalrous, funny.

But he was also cruel, bitter and a cheater.

You loved him, of course. Endlessly. More than words could describe. 

But love doesn’t always go both ways. 

You are reminded of that when he holds her hand walking down the halls, or when he kisses her senseless, or when he hugs her so tight, that she truly believes her body has never felt safer. 

So yes, it was safe to say that Sirius Black was the best boyfriend you could’ve ask for. 

But he was also the worst heartbreak you ever had to endure. 

[bleedingichorhearts]

𝕸𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖆𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝕸𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘

𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗: What happened to our guardians? I forgot it was Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖉: @kit-williams

TW // Curse.

“Another one?” I deadpanned at my roommate. Her hands holding a little Death Guard that looked around confused.

“I don’t know where I keep finding them!” She said, not really sounding… thrilled. Her hazel eyes looking down at the little smelly thing in disgust. Nose scrunching up.

Well at least she has some humanity? To pick one up, and take it to a safer place.

“Anyways, i’ve got a club date to go to. Mind taking it?” She suddenly said, pushing the little Death Guard towards me as I hurriedly unfolded my arms from my chest to grab the little thing. His little form practically rolling onto my hand.

“Wha- since when? I thought you had work tonight?” I questioned her, helping the little Death Guard in my hands to stand up right. A little sound coming from him.

“Uhhhh, an hour ago! I did, but my boss let me off again!” She shouted from the hallway. Sounding like she was putting on some heels.

“Are you gonna—” The front door slammed shut. Shaking the whole apartment. “Never mind, I’ll just do it myself.” I mumbled. Looking down to observe over the little Death Guard.

The little guy looked fairly normal for a Death Guard. He had the basic dirt green, and concrete color of his armor. Two sets of bull-like horns on his helmet, an pair facing downward, and random curved spikes on his pauldrons. No extra mouth, horns, or spikes so far. No wounds either.

“You seem rather healthy.” I mostly talked to myself, getting another little sound from the stinky guy.

This ‘mini’ situation had me puzzled? I never would have thought I would see Astartes be so small. Usually, they were these huge, bulked masses of armor walking around wherever they pleased. Protecting you, rather than the other way around.

It even had the Apothecary astonished, when I have took the other three there. Saying they have never seen such phenomenon, before they immediately started running all sorts of tests on the little guys that admittedly had me a little worried for them.

Those tests lasted for about three days? I had the right to worry about it. What if they accidentally killed them with those big *ss needles in the back? What if they really weren’t an Apothecary?

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to be called back into the Apothecary to come and collect them. Becoming assigned to them as their “caretaker.” Their reasons being: One, they don’t know who their warband is, or if they even have a warband. And two, I was the first person they ever saw, and care for the miniature Astartes.

Now I was stuck with a World Eater, Thousands Son, Night Lord, and now? A Death Guard that Sharon somehow found out of nowhere.

Multiple tiny squeaks called out to me from the kitchen countertop. The rest of the group standing there looking up at the little Death Guard in my hands.

“Well, little Death Guard. You’re going to be stuck with me for the time being.” I informed him. Bringing my hand forward slowly to the rest of the group so he could greet the group.

Watching as the Death Guard gave me a warble before hopping off my hand. The rest of the tiny group surrounded the stinky guy, observing him. Distinguishing him.

They didn’t seem to be disapproving of the little Death Guard so far by they way the chirped at one another. There was no weapons drawn, and crouched positions. It was just like a regular greeting.

A far better meeting than between the Night Lord, and the World Eater. That I think, it stared off by the Night Lord teasing the World Eater, based on the Thousand sons gestures, and tiny chatter.

It didn’t help the little battle when the World Eater still had his “Butchers Nails” the Apothecary mentioned of him having. They couldn’t remove them because he was far too small for such a procedure to happen. So from time to time, the poor World Eater goes into a fit of rage. Tearing up anything in his way. Sometimes going after the other Astartes.

That’s where I step in most of the time. Slowly snatching him up from whatever surface I find him on. His tiny squirming form struggling in my hold, desperately stabbing, hitting my gloves that I was smart enough to put on.

When his raged energy had cooled down, I felt bad for holding the little guy in such a confiscating way and apologized to him. Putting him up to my collarbone as a resemblance of a hug.

Surprisingly, that spot was one of the groups favorite spot to just sit there, and hang on to. Probably liking the warmth, and “height” advantage it gives them.

“Need something?” I asked the group, seeing the gauntlet of the Thousand sons pointing up at me. Small chittering coming out of the group.

It took me a moment to understand what they wanted, but I eventually got it after a few more gestures.

“You? Want a bath?” I asked the Death Guard, raising a brow at him. Knowing Death Gaurds don’t like baths. I had to read a whole book about their quirks the Apothecary sent me with.

The Death Guard paused, then nodded. Hesitant on a such request.

“If that’s what you want.” I told him. Moving away from the counter to grab a small container. The group casually chatting away as I got the “bath” prepared.

Putting warm water with some soap. It mixed with one another, creating a bubbly container rather than just a basic container.

This was probably one of the first “baths” the Death Guard would have after a long while. Might as well make it count.

Placing the container of warm water, and bubbles next to the group. They all turned to look at it, and surround it. The Death Guard touching the container before quickly pulling away.

“You don’t have to take a bath. Instead, I’ll just throw him in it.” I mentioned to the Death Guard, pointing at the Night Lord who hissed in response, backing away slightly from the container of the soapy water.

The little Death Guard just peeped, and suddenly jumped into the container. A little plop rising from the container where he submerged himself in.

Carefully watching the container, the Death Guard emerged from the water. Bubbles sticking to him armor as another peep came from him. Chirps came from the rest of the group talking to him. Maybe encouraging him? Teaching him?

Well, either way, it was all going well. No one needed to go to the Apothecary tonight, or the morning.

Until the Night Lord pushed the World Eater into the container. Another plop rising from the water as the Night Lord armor rose up, and down in a laughing matter.

Once the World Eater rose from the water with even more bubbles on his armor than the Death guard. He was shouting threats to the Night Lord who stood above him looking very prideful of himself.

Who can resist such an opportunity?

On the act of vengeance, I snuck my hand behind him, and pushed the Night Lord into the container myself. A squeak coming from him as he plopped face first, right into the soapy water. Small chitters interrupting from the group with the Thousand Sons just shaking his head on the side lines.

ℕ𝕖𝕩𝕥 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣: 𝕸𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖆𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝕸𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘 II

[smooth-perceval]

do you write for MOTOGP? If you do can you write maybe some smut for Fabio Quatararo? If not just some fluff

A/N: I literally just re-made my Masterlist to add MotoGP in for you. And I so don’t regret it 😌

“I’ve missed having you”

Fabio Quatararo x Fem!Reader

Summary: Reader and Fabio are walking on eggshells around each other, reader finally speaks to him which ignites something in them both.

Warning: UNDER 18’s DON’T INTERACT!!, smuttish scenes? Somewhat…- swearing, maybe some tears? fluff!! Google translate- my bad writing…

Key: Y/N (Your name) Y/L/N (Your last name)

Word count: 1,227

A/N: this is my first time with “smut” not exactly smut but you know- I wouldn’t say this is smut- but there is still some ‘scenes’ , erm yeah kinda want me some Quatararo.

When did our relationship get so tense? I would say around the last few weeks of the championship, he was trying to get his points back- and hopefully make the last race his championship secured…

Yet during this time- his been so concentrated on winning I feel like his been loosing me… and it’s horrible to say but it’s true, I follow him around like a lost puppy most days- a silent supporter in the waves of people.

I missed him, even when he was just at arms reach, we barely spoke. Half the time I got a quick kiss on the cheek purely for cameras sake… he barely went near me behind close doors- unless he was asleep and I am then able to tuck myself under his arm- but when I wake his back is always facing me.

Most nights I would sleep before he even came to bed, and them nights I would cry myself to sleep- because I only wondered was there something I’m doing wrong… or was there someone else? Was I maybe not good enough anymore? And his now realising he can do way better… this feeling sucked.

Was he trying to push me away, so that when he does leave me it wouldn’t hurt so much? Because right now this shit pains me. I rather he just rip the band aid off on the first place honestly.

I let Fabio have his space- this weekend finally being the last race of the season, he had stopped using his socials to concentrate on this last race… and stopped speaking to me in general really.

Truthfully, I wanted to pack up and go home… but no I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Tom asked a few times what’s going on- but I had no answer to give I was silently praying he would have something for me, but neither of us knew.

Our relationship was well and truly dead I would say… this weird feeling like maybe he doesn’t love me anymore? It’s easier for some more than lovers to fall out of love- I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.

—

He tried his best, he really did. You could see the defeat on his face, and when he entered the garage, got his helmet off he broke down… and I just stood there watching, my heart went out to him.

My heart said to grab ahold of him… my mind said- if he needs you he will reach out. And so I listened to my mind… I waited for him to reach out.

My eyes were brimming with tears also, he deserved to win so much… but if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be… a bit like us really- I kind of came to terms with that.

Leaning over I switched the TV off nearby, I like and respect the other riders, but right now- seeing someone getting the cheers Fabio wanted so bad- hurt me also. I thought it would save us all the world of good and not watch.

Outside the garage we could hear the cheers still, but that was better than seeing it. Looking back down at Fabio, my heart fluttered slightly, as he was already looking up at me. Eyes red, lips somewhat swollen and cheeks flushed. Even now he look so effortlessly handsome.

My breath hitched when his hands found my waist, pulling me in and resting his head against my stomach… and as a natural instinct my fingers ran through his hair. This was the most affection I had gotten out of him in over a month, and boy did it feel nice. I was bathing in it- this gave me that little bit of hope that our relationship wasn’t falling apart at our feet.

“Pecco is coming back in- you should go and congratulate him-” I felt him sigh against me through my shirt, before he stood up, our chest just touching. Sympathetic as always, I brung my hands to his cheeks wiping away the stray tears before moving aside. And for the first time in a while he offered a small smile before heading out the team garage.

“Maybe he will talk now-” rubbing my shoulder Tom got up also. “You both need some time to reconnect.” Smiling he then nudged my shoulder leaving me be.

—

The night was young so they say, but for me and Fabio we were well and truly fucked- well I still had some energy left- Fabio however he was beyond exhausted. And for the first time in a few weeks we actually went to bed at the same time…

We both laid in silence- frightened to talk to one another. Swallowing the little bit of nerves I had, clearing my throat I found the courage to speak up.

“How you feeling?”

“I don’t even know how to answer that question.” Whispering back, his hand slid across the bed taking ahold of mine. And then I knew- my emotions were not going to hold in for long-

“I’ve missed having you…” letting out a shaky breath afterwards, my heart felt heavy.

“bébé… you’ve always got me…” (baby) his body then moved closer on the bed, he was at hands reach- I felt his body warmth slowly start surrounding me.

“It felt like I lost you-”

“Never, you’re stuck with me unfortunately.” I could hear the smile in his voice- even though I couldn’t see him in this dark room.

“I thought maybe you had lost interest in me…” it was now my turn to move closer- this time our chests finally touching.

“Oh, ma jolie fille.” (My pretty girl) and finally his lips pressed against mine- it was something I didn’t realise I needed so badly. Like his kiss sealed the fact that I was being delusional- I had not a worry when it came to our relationship.

So my only question would be.

“Are you sure you’re okay?…” whispering against his lips, I pulled back slightly…

“I will be.” And then he leaned back in connecting us once again. This kiss now saying everything we both needed to each other this past month.

Like a switch something was ignited in us both, his innocent kissed turned more hungry, making their way down my neck, biting down on the spot he knows so well. And without any control a low moan escapes my lips- causing me to bite down on my bottom lip suppressing anything else that dared to be voiced.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you moan in over a month-” his breathing become ragged- as if that alone was enough for him.

“You sound like a song.” He shuffled his body now hovering over the top of me, settling himself between my legs. My body ached for him- his hands gripped my thighs, and pulled me down the bed and against him, then toying with my/his top, sliding it up and exposing my stomach.

“A song I want on repeat.”

And as he moved down, my shorts followed along with him… humming to his words, my hands found his hair, running through before gripping ahold- catching his attention.

“Show me why they call you El Diablo.” I squirmed under his touch, my body getting hotter by the second.

“How about you moan it ma belle.” (My pretty)

Masterlist

[moqi2004]

Omgomg I need to see Dalv being introduced to Starlo's family

Hi! Sorry for how long this took! I wrote about 400 words last Wednesday and couldn't get myself to write more, and I was busy after that. It's done now though, and I hope you enjoy! I will tell you that on the proofread, I screamed to myself saying "THEY'RE GAY" multiple times out loud.

And to the anon who more recently asked for this same thing, you get your wish early :) congrats!

Family Introductions

Words: 1530

Cross-Posted on Ao3

Tags: implied past Staroba (one sided), family interactions, fluff, self-consciousness, anxiety, family teasing, sugary sweet, reassurances, Starlo being a proud boyfriend.

Summary: Starlo takes Dalv to meet his family in Sunnyside Farm. Dalv is understandably nervous about this. He finds that he has nothing to worry about.

Fic under the cut. Enjoy :)

Dalv’s first time in the Wild East had been the most fun he’s ever had. At first, the heat had been difficult to deal with, and the grains of sand loitering around within his shoes were almost unbearable. Luckily for him, his boyfriend was there. Starlo had offered to carry his cloak while they walked, which Dalv was quite happy to let him do. He also rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, attempting to cool down his body as much as possible. It didn’t take Dalv long to notice that Starlo was staring at him, eyes widened and face slightly flushed. Dalv bashfully held back from bringing it up.

He made a mental note of the reaction regardless.

The Wild East itself was a quaint little tourism spot with limited technology. Dalv noticed that most shopping and general commerce was done in Oasis Valley just west of there, while classic Dunes entertainment was celebrated right here. With a rustic tavern and even a jail (for show, thankfully), the place felt like it had jumped right out of a children’s tale! The aesthetic and charm quickly drew Dalv in, allowing to forget about the unbearable heat for just a moment.

Having the opportunity to meet all of Starlo’s friends was truly a blessing for him. After saying a quick hello to Ceroba, who he had kept in close contact with after she visited him in Snowdin with a box full of corn, he was introduced to The Feisty Four. They were all a joy to get to know. Dalv was content to sit and watch as Ed and Moray teased and bantered with Starlo, Ace staying back with him to make sure he was comfortable. Dalv had to reassure Ace a couple of times that he didn’t feel like he was being dragged around or forced into goofing with the posse. Star did have to stop Mooch from looting Dalv’s person a couple of times.

The two of them didn’t linger for very long, however. While Starlo did consider his posse as a second family, the real reason the two came all this way was so Dalv could visit Starlo’s family. As the two walked past Blackjack’s and out of town, Dalv couldn’t ignore how his heart began to race and his mind began to panic. What if Star’s family didn’t approve of their relationship? What if they didn’t like him? What would he do if things went wrong? Would he and Star have to…?

“Hey, Dal? You doin’ okay? Yer shakin’ a bit…”

Dalv’s attention quickly snapped towards Starlo. In his thoughts he had failed to notice that they had stopped walking, the pair’s hands carefully intertwined. Starlo could probably feel just how sweaty Dalv’s palm was starting to become. 

“Uh- I’m…”

Dalv wanted to tell Starlo that everything was okay…

He knew that would help nothing.

“I’m worried… I don’t really know if your family will like me…”

“Dal…” Starlo reached towards him with his free hand and rested it against his cheek, “I know my Ma and Pa will love ya. With a huge heart like yers, I know they’ll see ya for the monster I love. Heck, with the dedication to yer work and experience growin’ corn yerself, I’m sure even Orion will get along with ya! All you need to do is be the vampire I fell in love with.”

“But what if they hate me-”

“If they hate ya I’ll drag ya outta there and shower ya with all the kind words ya deserve t’hear.”

“So you won’t… Leave?”

“Of course not, darlin’... Never.”

Starlo leant forwards and pressed a delicate, reassuring kiss to Dalv’s forehead. Dalv allowed his shoulders to relax and nestled himself within his boyfriend’s arms. Star returned the hug eagerly, pressing a couple more light kisses to his horns. Dalv was unsure why he was so apprehensive in the first place. He had Starlo, after all. He knew the Sheriff was a noble and kind soul. He was ashamed to even think that he considered Star leaving him because of his family’s reactions.

“So, uh,” Starlo spoke up, the two still embraced, “you still ‘aight to do this?”

“Of course,” Dalv broke away with a warm smile, “lead the way.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. 🦇 .* :☆ ﾟ｡･ ───

Dalv was certain he had stepped into his own personal heaven. He knew that was probably a little sad, calling a corn farm the equivalent of paradise, but he truly couldn’t help it! The farm was a quaint little area with a corn field bigger than what Dalv could ever grow back in The Ruins. A cute, cobbled path and a little white house completed the homely feel that Sunnyside Farm radiated so strongly. Nearby, a four-pointed star in messy overalls and a plaid shirt was tending to the crops. Star momentarily glanced towards Dalv before waving.

“HEYYY, ORION!” he yelled, causing Dalv to jump a little.

The star turned around, eyebrow raised and lips drawn in a line of mild annoyance. He then caught sight of Dalv, who squeezed Starlo’s hand for support as the two were approached.

“Starlo,” Orion briefly regarded, “who’s this?”

“Right!” Starlo moved his hand from Dalv’s to wrap his arm around his shoulder, “Orion, this is Dalv, my partner! Dalv, this is Orion, my brother!”

“H-Hello there,” Dalv held out his hand for Orion to shake, "It's, uh, nice to meet you. This farm looks so well maintained, you must do an excellent job keeping the crops at this quality. I struggled to grow my own in The Ruins because of the lighting conditions and drab environment, but I found that with enough love and care the stalks can still grow to be incredibly strong and durable. It really portrays the… Strength of the… Plant…”

Dalv trailed off, eyes wide. Oh no, he’d been caught corn rambling! How could he let himself do that??? He focused back on reality when he felt his outstretched hand move up and down.

“You managed to grow corn in a place like that?” Orion asked, letting go of Dalv’s hand.

“Yea, he did!” Starlo chimed in, looking at Dalv with the proudest expression, “really impressive stuff, too! I’ve seen it myself!”

“Ah, it’s nothing that impressive-” Dalv began.

“Starlo!”

The three turned at the call of Star’s name. A sun monster and a moon monster walked down the steps of the house’s front porch. Starlo happily waved to the both of them, Dalv looking at him and then giving a small, shy wave of his own. When the two approached, the moon wrapped Starlo into a hug, which he seemed content with accepting. The sun monster came over to jostle the hat on Star’s head, as if ruffling the hair he didn’t have. The two then regarded Dalv, who Star was eager to introduce.

“Ma, Pa, this is Dalv! He’s, uh…” Star flushed a light pink, “he’s my partner.”

The two simultaneously looked to Dalv, who willed himself not to shrink backwards at the attention. He’d done many organ concerts at this point, but the stage fright from that could barely compare to the anxiety he felt at this moment. He steeled his mind. Please don’t hate me please don’t hate me please-

Dalv feels his hands being held. It felt different to Starlo’s hands-

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Dalv,” the moon monster smiled sweetly, holding both of his hands within her own, “my name is Crestina. I’m Starlo’s Mother. Thank you so much for being there for my little boy.”

“Ma, please…”

“Oh, it’s no problem at all, miss,” Dalv beamed.

“My name’s Solomon,” the sun monster added, “and truly, I’m glad Starlo finally found someone else after all these years. I thought that after Ceroba, he’d-”

“Pa, come on!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Solomon let out a hearty laugh.

“Don’t pay them no mind, Dal, I beg of ya…”

“Don’t worry, Star” Dalv looked at his boyfriend.

Dalv wasn’t sure what came over him after that. He just… Spoke.

“Honestly, I should be thanking all of you,” he began, “thank you for raising Star. I’m so happy I was able to meet him. He’s the kind of monster who can make any situation fun; who can bring joy everywhere he goes. He’s just so… Warm. So much so that I feel that same warmth whenever I’m with him. He’s supportive of me and my art, he’s amazing to talk to, and the only person I can think of spending all my time with… I couldn’t imagine life as it was before I met him… So thank you for having me, and uh, hopefully I can be the monster to stay by your son’s side.”

Dalv turned to Starlo, who’s face was a glowing scarlet. His jaw hung slack and his eyes were blown wide under his hat. 

“He’s perfect,” Crestina whispered to herself.

“Huh?” Dalv looked towards her, hands still within hers.

“Come with me, Dalv,” Crestina began to walk, gently guiding Dalv along with her, “I simply must show you our family photo album. I can assure you, my Starlight was an absolute treasure growing up-”

“MA!”

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REBLOGS > LIKES

[catsandgoodbooks]

No. 20: “People don’t change people, time does.”

Blanket | Found Family | “You will regret touching them.”

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“Careful, it’s hot.” Philza passed Dream a cup of tea, who took it cautiously. Dream wrapped his hands around the cup; his hands were cold and the cup was warm. It was nice. “It went well, mates?”

“We got everything we wanted done, so I’d say yeah, it did,” Technoblade answered, hanging his cape up on a hook. 

Punz scoffed, rolling their eyes. “You don’t say, Technoblade.” They looked back at Phil and Dream. “I mean, he’s dead now and the whole place’s burnt to the ground. It’s taken care of.”

Niki smiled at the two of them brightly. “It’s safe to say we won’t have to worry about them anymore, right?” she asked, sitting down on the couch and narrowly avoiding sitting on Dream’s toes.

“Thanks, guys.” Dream knew they wanted him to say that, and he didn’t want to disappoint them. “Like, that’s great, thank you, but did you have to do that–”

“He hurt you,” Techno interrupted. “Quackity hurt you, and we needed to make sure that he would regret that.”

“Exactly,” Punz acquiesced. “We might not of had to do that, but we fucking wanted to, Dream.” (“My poor monetization,” Techno grumbled.) “He deserved it, and there needs to be consequences sometimes or everyone’s going to be running around doing whatever the hell they want.”

“I can’t speak for everyone here, but I think it’s safe to say that we care about you, and, uh, we don’t like people we care about getting cut up by people we don’t,” Ranboo volunteered from where he was hovering. 

(Phil offered Punz a cup of tea as well, and they took it. “Thanks.” The mercenary pulled out a chair and settled down)

“I couldn’t of said it better myself,” Techno agreed, and Ranboo puffed up a little bit at the approval. “We care, Dream. Even if you don’t want to admit it, it’s the truth.”

“Uh-huh.” Niki smiled over at Dream. “We care, and that’s the important thing here. We’re family at this point.”

“You have a point there,” Techno commented. “A very good point.” He glanced over a Dream. “You hear that? You’re never gettin’ rid of us.”

“Nope,” Punz remarked, smiling crookedly. “Not even this ‘until death’ shit. We all know that’s stupid.”

Dream rolled his eyes. “You know that I’m the necromancer here, right? I could just, like, not bring you back.” 

(He and Punz still hadn’t told the rest of the Syndicate about the Revival Book situation. They didn’t need to know about it. It would just invite too many questions)

“I think it’s a bit late for that, mate,” Phil told him, smiling faintly. “You wouldn’t still be here if that was actually a possibility.”

“Fine, fine,” Dream compromised. “I’ll stop. I’d totally bring all of you guys back if you died.”

“Good to know. Now I don’t have to worry about losing any of my lives,” Technoblade joked. “I can do as much stupid stuff as I want now.”

Dream glared at him. “That’s not what I said, Techno.”

“It basically is,” Punz responded. “Also, there seems to be a bit of double standard there, you know, considering the fact that you literally locked yourself up in prison.”

Niki grimaced. “Not your greatest moment, was it?”

“Let’s not talk about it right now. Doesn’t matter.” Dream really didn’t want to talk about that right now. (Or ever, really) 

“Thanks, I guess.” Dream pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He wanted to just make sure about one thing, but it would be showing vulnerability, opening himself up to admitting that he cared and getting hurt…

“Just checking but…you’re not going to leave, right?”

“Of course not, Dream. You’re one of us now. Yes, yes, I said it chat, you can stop screaming now.” Techno rolled his eyes but sobered up quickly. “You’re family, Dream.”