#I'd go into detail as to why i think these songs fit him but I'm too lazy for that rn

[lazyflower48]

Is it just me or is Dazai very Taylor Swift-coded?

Well, yes, I try to relate most of the songs I listen to with BSD for whatever reason, but some of her songs fit him perfectly.

For instance, Dear Reader fits him so accurately. It's almost as if it was written with Dazai's transition from the PM to ADA in mind. A few others that come to mind- This Is Me Trying, Anti-Hero, Mastermind, Right Where You Left Me (fits Beast Dazai- putting aside the romantic implications) and The Archer.

Or maybe it's the other way round- Taylor Swift is a Dazai kinnie confirmed?

[xxkiller-muffinxx]

THAT FLOYD ONESHOT WAS SO GOOD‼️‼️ I'd love to see a part 2 for it!^^

(If you want to btw-)

As long as we're together

Floyd x reader (Part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

Summary: after a long while of being reconnected with your favorite brozone member. You make plenty of sweet familiar memories, however a line is crossed when a familiar popstar duo enters the picture.

Words: 1475

Warnings: Implied death, angst, another semi-cliffhanger

A/N: I don't know why I wrote these so fast, but maybe it's because I stopped worrying about tiny details and just went with the flow. I don't think I got Velvet and Veneers personalities perfect but I just felt like their scene fit their dynamic as best as possible. Genuinely appreciate the support on the last part, your guy’s positive feedback gives me life. Stay golden and enjoy! Ps. Velvet and Veneer are the same color but I tried to make it clear who was talking in the writing, thank you!

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You remember the first week you two were together. So fondly. Back to back in your prisons and humming each other's favorite song. No matter how embarrassing.

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It's been quiet for a few hours, you're both recovering from the last concert and are giving each other time to process. When suddenly Floyd begins humming quietly. You look at him and raise an eyebrow.

He returns your eye contact and smiles warmly. He then whispers. “Don't you…forget about me.” He would quietly sing. He continued mumbling the words until you would join in, but instead with one of his songs.

“Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be.” You placed a hand on the glass as your voices began to wrap around one another. Creating a symphony unlike anything else. It reminded you that sometimes just singing matters more than any perfect note.

The two of you continued until you couldn't anymore. You tried to keep humming but you threw yourself into a coughing fit. Floyd immediately stopped singing and looked at you. “Hey hey, it's okay. You don't have to.” he comforted, instinctively reaching out a hand for your shoulder but being stopped by the barrier between you two.

“I'm okay. I'm okay,” you responded, despite the deep pain in your chest. You sat up and leaned on the glass. “Can we still talk?” You asked. Then Floyd nodded.

“So mount rageous? Pretty cool huh?” he started the conversation, but you only snorted at his sad excuse for a conversation topic.

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In a similar regard. You remember him telling you about his brothers. You were getting a bit too overhyped over all of them though. Even if you loved every other brother, you had to remind him who the best of them was.

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“Then there's Spruce-”

“The heartthrob!”

“Yeah him. He was nice, I didn't like how much he butted heads with John though. I just wish I could see them again,” He looked at his hands, gripping the air as if it were life support. You frowned. Leaning into the glass.

You didn't know how to comfort him, at this point, you were both pretty pessimistic. So saying anything optimistic would have the opposite effect. So you decided to keep talking instead.

“Yeah, spruce was pretty cool, but did you go to the last Brozone concert?” You said, utterly messing with him at that point.

“Wait what?” He asked as he glanced back at you.

“It was so good! I mean the pyrotechnics, the colors, ugh! The music! Don't get me started on the music!” you did your best to stand up and did an excited spin. Floyd followed.

“Woah hey, slow down.” he placed both hands on the glass and his eyebrows creased with worry.

“Though there was something I could never get over. Something that always irked me.” You stumbled back into the purple surrounding you, looking into Floyd’s eyes. He frowned and looked down. Seeming to already know what you’re going to say. However, you hit him with a curveball. “There wasn’t enough of that sensitive troll…what was his name again?”

He shook his head and said your name once. “What are you talking about?”

“He had pink hair, he was almost the youngest but Bitty B was too quick.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Bitty B was the star of the show honestly.”

You laughed and leaned your forehead toward him, he did the same. Your eyes met and you grinned. “He was the cutest troll and my favorite. No other brother could beat him.”

His cheeks turned red instantaneously, causing him to turn away. you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. Which threw you into yet another coughing fit, Floyd was at your side quickly. Checking up on you to make sure you weren’t gone yet.

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Those moments, even if short. Meant the world to you. Now the boundary was crossed. Neither of you had much strength to talk or sing together anymore. To you went with compatible silence. That is until Velvet and Veneer took matters into their own hands.

You were in your usual spot when suddenly, Velvet stormed in. She was in hysterics, absolutely appalled by her performance. “I can't believe that happened!” she shrieked, kicking a shoe into a wall. Veneer came in right behind her.

“It's fine! One voice crack never ruined anyone's career! Woah!” Veneer dodged another shoe and hid behind a mirror just in case. Velvet wasn't having any of it though, she was completely thrown off course.

She stomped to the desk and swiped up the perfume bottle you were inside. “I don't care if it was one voice crack or five! I can't mess up like that in front of the world!” she growled and was prepared to throw you across the room. Before she stopped. She looked at you and smiled. “I just need more troll. That's all.”

She grinned, pulling the bottle to her neck and beginning to spray all around her. Veneer came from behind the mirror and put out a hand. “Hey, maybe we should ration those little guys, don't know how many trolls we're going to need, you know?” He tried reasoning.

Floyd looked up at Velvet and watched in horror as she sprayed as much of the music onto her as she could. There was nothing he could do. Velvet laughed in her insanity. Glancing at Veneer she made sure she was covered head to toe. “We won't need much more Veneer! If I nail this performance we’ll be made! I promise!”

Veneer shook his head and walked closer. When Velvet suddenly sprayed him in the face. “And face it. You love the attention as much as I do.” She hissed. Then once she was calm she slammed you back down onto the desk and left you alone. “Okay, now…I'm ready!” She was going to leave but Veneer stopped her. He pointed at your bottle and gulped. Velvet turned to look at you.

You were spent, your hair all white and your skin turning an entirely different shade. You were dying, and you were dying fast. Floyd dropped to his knees and whispered your name multiple times as if it would be the last thing he uttered. “Please be okay, please hold on for a bit longer.” He begged,

Then as soon as you were down, you were up again. Velvet groaned and handed Veneer the bottle. “You handle it. I have to get ready.” She said before leaving him alone in the room. Veneer grimaced as he watched her go. Then grimaced even more when he realized his duty.

Floyd banged on the glass. Trying to break it open to no avail. Veneer looked at Floyd. “Geez, you're making this harder. If I don't do this you know what Velvet will do.” He knelt down to Floyd’s level. Veneer’s eyes pleading for understanding.

Floyd shakes his head. “you don't have to do this, Veneer just let us go! Please, I'm begging you.” Floyd pushes hard on the glass, looking up into his eyes. Veneer, on the brink of being moved, stands up and looks at your nearly lifeless form.

Before he could respond, Velvet rips the diamond out of his hand. “What are you doing? I told you to deal with it. Not stand around playing with it.” She looked around and crossed her arms. “Ugh I always have to do everything. Hope you like flying.” she says, walking to the nearest window and opening it.

Veneer cringed at the notion, sitting down and looking away from her. Floyd began panicking more trying to get out more than ever, but of course. It wasn't working. He needed the perfect family harmony.

Without much of a second thought. Velvet threw you out of the window. Watching you fall and then dusting her hands off. She looked at Veneer. “Well? We have a show to put on. We have to get ready! Come on!” She walked out, leaving Veneer with Floyd. Veneer looked down at the troll and was going to comfort him when he decided, it probably wasn't for the best.

Veneer left, leaving Floyd all alone. Floyd was looking out the window. Thinking about you, thinking about all the fun you had in your worst situation, and he realized it was false hope. Being with you for the rest of your lives. He then realized there was no platonic explanation for his feelings.

He had loved you, but he didn't know it until you were gone.

Pt 3?

[come-on-darling-honey]

gap year.

EMBRY CALL X FEM!READER

While working at the first beach souvenir shop to save up money in your gap year your childhood friend Embry Call picks you up and imprints on you... after not seeing you for four months.  

word count: 5.4k

warnings: explicit language, allusions to smut but no detail. All 18+ minors dni.

"Right sweetheart, I'm going to check out." Ms Call said, grabbing her coat. "Christ its pouring down." Her brown sneakers stopping at the front window.

I both laughed and sighed when looking out the front of the shop. It was pouring... and yeah, I absolutely didn't have a ride home. It didn't look like the rain was going to stop at any moment soon. Working in the first beach gift shop had many upsides... a steady income, a beautiful view of first beach and a serene silence that whimpers in the wind of the beach. But only two busses came by on weekdays like this at 8am just before my shift starts and then at 7pm. With my shift ending at 5pm and the pouring rain halting any attempt of walking all the way to forks from the reservation the future didn't look too dry.

"I'm gonna ask Embry to come pick you up when your shift ends sweetheart, don't say no. There's no way I'm letting you walk in this."

Oh Embry. It'd been a few months since I'd seen him last. He'd cut his hair and somehow grown half a foot in a few weeks. Being close friends growing up sharing shy kisses on the very beach that I now worked at... then not speaking for months. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. It had been a task to not face him in the past few months but going into the back, restocking the shelves and hiding under the desk had been doing me extremely well. He’d cut me off completely after all. And that hurt like a bitch.

"Don't let him go out of his way, I'm sure I can get Kim to come and get me." Kim was currently at the movies with Emily.

"Ah here he is now, Embry love you are not wearing enough layers!"

"Sorry mom." He laughed coming into the shop. shaking off rain from his hair lightly, his tan skin smooth and glistening. His cargo's slightly drenched and Ms Call was correct he only wore a shirt and a thin jacket. Really thin. Like see the outline of him, okay I need to not think about him. I don't think I can do that. Alright focusing on the key chain on the desk. It's kind of cute.

"So, Embry's picking you up at 5pm, when you lock up remember to turn the stereo off dear." She smiled leaving a confused Embry at the shop door.

"No please it's okay." I tried to bargain, avoiding Embry's gaze. And failing. His eyes widened and he couldn't stop staring at me. Ms Call opened the door and tapped his shoulder. He'd just stopped staring at me, and I'd decided to take to staring at the whirling ocean.

"I'll be here at five." I could hear the grin in his voice. Why was he grinning? Why did it feel as if I were being pulled to him. Busying myself with the cd player and hearing the door close and turning around I'd managed to catch Embry driving away, a strong smile on his beautiful face. Wait beautiful? No Embry is strictly within childhood friend category. But God. Look at him. It felt as if my feet were pulling me to him. I turned on the stereo, connecting it to my phone it started playing When I was all over her, by Salvia Palth. Such a beautiful song. That fit this rainy day but felt like someone had stuck their fingers in a stab wound.

After loosing sight of them I felt this strangest emptiness within my lungs. Like I was short of breath, and I had been my entire life, the feeling only rectified when I was with him. No, I’m being insane. Literally insane.

But haven’t I known this my entire life?

Hasn’t every innocent touch and childish giggle led to this? Hasn’t Embry always been that warm reassuring shoulder I could fall onto? The kindness in his smile. The reminder that there will be a better tomorrow. The first foxglove flower to grow in spring, signifying a good hearty summer.

Foxglove was what we helped my grandmother plant outside our house when we were six. I still think of the pale pinks and blue even in winter. Living with my grandma meant my income was really the only income but she would get checks every so often for her books. Writing books on plants and their medicinal properties for the past forty years had kept her going but having my stream of income had helped a lot. However, most of it goes into savings. College doesn’t come cheap. She’d talked about Embry a lot recently saying how I should ‘just go over there and see his face’ which now I wish I had done sooner but I’m not sure why.

Living on the outskirts of Forks her whole life my grandma had grown alongside the elders on the reservation, I was friends with their grandchildren. I met Embry through Jacob, my grandmother adored him. Highschool and middle school were strange, befriending some people in forks and then recounting everything to Embry on the weekend. I remember how my grandma would sit and braid mine, Embry and Jacobs hair on a Sunday morning every weekend in the summer holidays. I still can’t believe he’d cut his hair. It seems like he’s growing it out again which is good but why would he do it?

Three hours passed by slowly and gratuitously. Every minute pulling me along like it hates the next.

I was thankful for that, I guess. Then I wouldn’t have to face him so soon. Wouldn’t have to face what I felt towards him so soon. It should be that love I have held for him my whole life. Our love was a folk song. One that would be passed on the way it’d been passed to us.

When I was seven years old and the two of us went into the woods, we couldn’t have been more than half a mile into the vast wilderness, after climbing a tree I’d ungracefully fallen out of he’d held my hand the entire way home. It felt like it was just the two of us. We had started the journey saying we were going to Europe. On foot. Little bags with snacks and crayons. He’d braided my hair out of my eyes when I’d sat down, the broken arm causing a little too much pain for me. Telling me it wasn’t too far now as he kissed the tears of my cheeks. I can still feel his small hand in my smaller hand. It’d been a short walk, as we grew older, we’d walk and re-walked it over and over going further into the woods every time. It wasn’t a fearful place.

The people at my high school were afraid of it. I wondered if I would’ve been too if my grandma lived further away from it.

Time must have gone faster than I’d thought because next thing I knew the front door opens and Embry comes in. It’s raining even harder now. The ache in me had left, with all the warm air as he opened the door.

“Hey” he smiles. I feel calm. I wish I didn’t feel calm. I wish I could just throw thigs at him. Scream at him for ignoring me.

Instead of responding I realise I needed to lock up about twenty minuets ago.

“Shit.”

He called my name as I ran into the back. Locking up and grabbing my raincoat we wordlessly get ready to go. I come back and he’s watching the ocean. If I just ignore him as much as I can till, he drops me at my house maybe then he’ll realise how fucked up he’s acted towards me. Locking the front door, I prepare myself to run through the rain. Embry ran to the driver’s side and opened my door from within.

“I am sorry, you know.”

I don’t respond. I want him to know how I feel but for some stupid to God reason I can’t spit it out.

“There are some things I need to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you since it begun but I wasn’t allowed.” He continued. Not starting the car. “But after seeing you today I found out you are the only person I really can tell.” It warms my heart then burns me. How dare he. I stuff down any sweet feeling and spit up my pride.

“it’s been four months and you think everything will be okay now?”

“I know I hurt you but...”

“Just drive Embry.” I cut him off. Being alone never phased me, I’d simply go into the woods or sit in the garden, but I hadn’t had the heart to lately. All the flowers and the beautiful trees reminded me off him and it made me feel so weak. It had made me feel lonely. And I hated that. He knew I hated that.

So he drove. The beautiful winding roads and tall trees.

A cd started playing, I recognised it. The song Shrike, by Hozier played. One of my favourites. I dug my nails into my hands. I always think of him when I hear this song.

“Stop!” I shouted. Screeching, the car pulled to a halt. There on the road directly in front of us was a dog. German Shepard. It’d clearly been injured.

“Shit” Embry muttered, seeing what I had spotted before him. I couldn’t blame him for that the rain was so thick.

“Open the back doors and help me grab her.” I said, my heart leaping from my chest. Before he could say anything in return I ran out of the car. Abandoning all thought and getting soaked to the bone. I felt the freezing cold before I felt my feet hit the ground.

Getting closer I heard little whimpers from the poor thing. Its back left leg twisted in a grim manner I wish I could unsee. My hands slowly reached for her. Staying within his eyeline I stroked her fur. Trying to be as soothing as I could be. Embry had run over at this point. Soaked to the bone from the rain.

“I’ll pick her up, hold on.” And before I could protest because this German Shepard was clearly a two-man job, Embry had picked her up. Putting her in the back of the car I scrambled for the extra blankets I knew Embry kept in the trunk. They’d been the ones I’d lain on with him. The ones we’d carry all the way to the top of a mountain on our hikes, we’d sit on them for our lunch halfway through. It all felt like a blur no words between us both just the heavy breaths of two kids, terrified about the life of this small, beautiful creature in our hands, when we’d both gotten back in the car, I’d grabbed my phone from my bag.

“The vets are open; they’re staying open for us.” I heard a hum of acknowledgement as he sharply turned the car around. Without thinking and only wanting to calm him down I placed my hand on his thigh. Looking back at the dog.

“Give her a name.” He’d said his own hand on top of mine now.

“Dottie” I practically whispered.

“Dottie is a nice name.” He was quieter now. I looked at him and pulled my hand away.

The ride was quick, but it felt long. It was the pained whimpers from Dottie and the strayed moment of Embry and me.

There was a man outside the vets, no doubt waiting for us. He was medium built, his long dark hair tied into a braid at the back of his head. He couldn’t have been older than 45.

Running over to us, he and Embry got Dottie out of the car.

I’d ran to the front desk inside the building, explaining where we’d found her and that I’d take her in if needs be. The woman at the front desk was mousy and thin faced. She smiled and placed her hand on top of mine.

“She’ll be alright, you two seem to have found her rather quickly. Go sit over there with your friend and just wait.” She smiled, a thin lipped one. Her golden earrings shimmering in the static lighting of the vets.

I turned seeing Embry sat on one of the thin, white plastic chairs. Sitting next to him I felt all the air push out of my lungs. It’s like I collapsed into myself.

“That was an eventful ten minutes.” He sighed, breaking the silence.

“it really was.” Silenced filled us up again. Like a solitary leaf on the last day of Autumn.

“We should go to my house after.” He looked at me. Taking in my soaked figure, rain seeping through me. “It’s only five minuets away and well my mom wouldn’t forgive me if I sent you home soaking wet.” He joked, laughing abit. I laughed too, she really wouldn’t. “Plus, you have clean and more importantly dry clothes in my room.” He added, looking away from me. We both had spare clothes at each other’s houses. We had been best friends for almost two decades, of course we did.

“Fine.” Silence again and I cursed myself for being rude and curt when I saw his expression. Like I’d stabbed him. Embry had always felt everything so deeply, so unabashed. It’d always been true with him. He’d never lie about how he felt, even when he clearly wanted to.

“Look, I really can explain everything to you.” He breathed heavily, looking outside to the pouring rain, “You don’t have to forgive me for what I did but please here me out.”

“I don’t know what you could say to provide any reasoning as to why you left me.”

“I didn’t leave you.” He was getting defensive now. So was I.

“You did, I have been alone. Four months. You have ignored me. You have gone out of your way to seem like nothing happened. Being your new friends little lap dog. I get it. People grow apart. But I mean fuck you left me completely.” I finished my little rant. Angrily and stubbornly, I stared at him. Refusing to be the meek girl who immediately forgave the boy for everything he did. I resented him for that. For the fact I was angry. Despite my longing and yearning. I was angry. He was silent, pain flashing across his face. It hurt to hurt him so clearly but sometimes people need to get their feelings hurt to know what they have done is not okay.

There’s always another way. And he didn’t choose that. I tried, calling him. Visiting him. Asking his mom when we were working. I eventually took the hint and gave up but that doesn’t stop the persistent pain I felt.

Standing up as the vet came back in, he said one more thing to me, “I didn’t leave you.”

I scoffed, hoping he heard. He literally did. I can’t think of any way he didn’t leave me. But deep down, past the anger and resentment I knew he was telling the truth. I’d felt it. I’d also felt like a raging idiot, but I felt it. I don’t want to be mean. I want to hug him and love him. But all this pain is embarrassing. It’s annoying. Growing up Embry was one of the only people I would cry in front of. I wanted to cry now. I didn’t really focus on what the vet said. Only really registering anything when we got back into the car. The radio turned back on, John Wayne by Cigarettes after sex started playing. I gave him this cd. Burning all the songs on it myself… with Jacobs help but still.

“I’m sorry.” I forced myself to say. “I mean what you did was shitty, but I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. you were right. I can’t just throw this on you.” He pulled into his driveway. “But I swear, this will all make a lot of sense. Just listen and ask as many questions as you want.” We ran to his porch.

“Mom! Can you bring us some towels?” We started shedding as many layers as we could before going in, we’d done this routine hundreds of times before. As kids Ms Call would get so annoyed at us for going inside dripping with water, saying we caused more trouble than we were worth.

She laughed when we got inside leaving the clothes on the safety of the porch.

“Look at you two, I swear you’re both eight years old again playing soccer in the rain.” Her smile was as warm as the house we were in. The smoothness of the hardwood floor beneath my feet was familiar and nostalgic. It’d had only been four months, but I could’ve sworn it was only yesterday Embry and I had skidded across these floors in our socks on a Saturday morning. Friday sleepovers were customary, it felt natural to be here on a Friday night. We started drying ourselves off, I only wore a t-shirt and the shorts I’d worn under my jeans for warmth, thankful for them. I used to wear little around Embry before this but since his absence and his… changes I felt intimidated. He was beautiful. No longer holding the softness of youth. He wore just his boxers, clearly unaware. Well, I was glad he was unaware. Going down the corridor to his room everything felt peaceful. The blue walls of his bedroom held so many pictures. I’d never seen this before. Some of him, Quill and Jacob. Some of Jacob and me. And lots of him and I. The one that stood out was me and him going down to the lake when we were kids, holding each other’s hands, his mom had taken it. That I knew. Seeing these up I looked at him, blushing he had clearly not thought about this.

“At least I know you didn’t forget me.” I joked as I went over to his computer. Spotify was already open, sitting down I searched for a playlist. He just laughed lightly and sat on his bed. It was a nice silence, sweeter than the one at the vets. Putting on one I’d made recently I moved over to his bed. I didn’t sit as close to him as I would’ve liked to, but his chest was so? Chiselled?

“Alright be honest have you been eating steroids because no human should gain this much muscle so quickly.” I poked his bicep, rock solid. What the fuck.

“That’s actually part of my explanation and no, no steroids have been ingested.”

Gold rush by Taylor Swift came on, I don’t remember adding it to the playlist. Embry must’ve noticed my light confusion.

“Oh, I added that to my queue before you got here” a beat of silence as I smile at myself, secret swifty. To be fair I felt like getting up and dancing to this song. It’s just so damn good.

“Should we get dressed or do you want to explain first?” I asked, wincing at how sharp the end came out. But he didn’t react how I thought he did. He started laughing. Like clenching gut laughing. “What?” I had started laughing too, not sure what we were laughing at exactly.

“It’s your shirt” He managed to get out through laughs. We’d both stopped laughing after a minute of heavy confused laughter. My shirt had a wolf, I’d got it for two dollars a few weeks ago and decided that it was horrendously ugly, and it was now my favourite shirt ever. It had a lone wolf howling at a yellow moon and all its teeth were blue. It was phenomenal.

 “What? This shirt is really cool! All the kids are wearing them!”

He’d started laughing again, I couldn’t help but join again. God it was such an ugly shirt.

“Not only is it just. Wow, so ugly but it’s kind of relevant to, like, what I have to tell you.”

Okay any theory I have has not only just been thrown out of the window but has been lost at sea.

“You started printing awesome t-shirts?”

“Oh, you wish.” He grinned.

“I do! Imagine all the free shirts I’d get!” This felt so natural. So… us. But then the air became serious as he stopped smiling and grabbed my hands. He was so warm, warmer than I remembered. Does memory minimise feeling? Was he always this warm? No winder he wore practically nothing to pick up his mom.

“Do you remember the old legends we used to get told about the tribe’s history and the cold ones?” I nodded, clueless as to where this was going. “Well, they’re true. Every single line. Completely and utterly true.” He no doubt saw the shock in my face. “The cold ones returned, and it forced some of us to… you know... phase.” He stopped waiting for my reaction. I couldn’t say anything. Furious at myself for believing him. Because I did. My grandmother had been talking to someone over the phone about the old tribal legends. I couldn’t stop my mind from whirling. I just squeezed his hand, hoping he'd keep talking.

“And, um, yeah it happened to me. And I couldn’t control it. Sam, the oldest one had taken us in and helped us transition, I guess. See I couldn’t be near you, any strong emotion triggered it to begin with and until I’d gotten it under control, I knew I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk hurting you. Sam had hurt Emily and he doesn’t forgive himself. But then I’d gained control over it. But I couldn’t bring myself to see you again.” He’d finished his word vomit. The lack of cohesion and the pained look in his eyes told me enough. His voice was just as naturally quiet as it always was, but the words came out faster and strained. Like he’d wanted to tell me this every day for months.

“Wait so” I took a deep breath in, regaining my focus and letting go of his hands. “You’re a… wolf?”

He nodded, he looked ashamed.

“Did it hurt?”

“I thought I was dying. I couldn’t breathe and every movement was a strained scream.” He looked away. “It was like I was losing myself. That’s when I put up all these photos.” Looking around I couldn’t help but smile. “The memories became like an anchor to not accidently phase.”

The silence that consumed us was one I’d never felt before. It was pregnant with something.

“You said before that you never left me, what did you mean?”

“I kept going to your house,” I looked at him, confused. There’s no way my grandma wouldn’t have said something. “I was in the treeline. I couldn’t sleep, scared the cold ones were going to hurt you.”

“The Cullen’s, right?” I shivered at the thought. I’d been at school with dead bodies? Like living dead people, gross.

“Yes. But they’re gone now. I promise.” I didn’t mention him not leaving me, it felt calming. I hadn’t left his mind; he hadn’t left mine.

“So, why the change of heart?” He looked away, scratching the back of his neck.

“Do you remember the second part of the legend?”

It took me a few seconds. Thinking back to the bonfires Embry invited me and my grandma too growing up.

“Oh yeah imprinting but what does- oh. Oh.”

“Yeah.” He looked heartbroken. Taking my shock as something negative. But I couldn’t really say anything. My heart was in my throat. Scratching and scarping my oesophagus. It felt like my lungs were filling with blood.

Suddenly, I felt like a small robin. Flying and soaring. A glamorous breeze guiding me home. The home was an open window, to blue walls and Embry. I was the tired snake sneaking into Eden to be with him. I was the tired coal miner coming home to his arms. We were the con artists, partners in crime that hid our love in the unspoken touches and glances.

“Do you want this?” I managed to push out of my throat. The idea of this being forced onto him made bile raise in my throat.

“I’ve always wanted this. Ever since we were kids. When I held your hand when you broke your arm. When we’d braid each other’s hair. When you would tell me random facts about plants and birds you’d picked up from your grandma. I’ve always been in love with you. I didn’t need to imprint on you to know that.” He looked at me, I fell into his eyes. If only this had happened a few months ago.

But I’m glad. Despite the pain I know that even without the imprint, I loved him.

“The imprint bond is whatever you want it to be. Please don’t feel forced into anything you don’t want.”

“But what if I do want it?” He froze, hopeful. “I’ve loved you forever. It’s stupid, annoying and painful but it makes me feel like the most amazing person in the world.” I don’t need to explain any further. I know he understands. Of course, he does, the only person that never just tolerated me, he always cared for me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you sooner. It’s stupid and childish but I was scared that I wouldn’t imprint on you.”

“Even if you hadn’t, I’d just be glad to have you back in my life.” I practically whispered. The rain was lighter now. The tree outside his window swaying in the wind. Singing to the earth the song of him and I. His smile felt as graceful as the strongest deer.

After more explanations and more reassurance from me, Embry finally relaxed. After he told me about Emily and Leah, what had just happened between us seemed so tame. I couldn’t wait to see Emily again. She and I would be the only imprints. I didn’t like the idea of having to keep this from Kim. I’d have to see how Emily kept it from both of us. It hurt deeply when I thought of Leah. How her entire life revolved around Sam, after what happened. Especially considering the unquestionable grief she is going through due to her father’s untimely passing.

“Do you wanna stay the night?” Embry asked, drawing stars on my thighs as we laid on his bed. Nodding I turned to face him, foreheads touching.

“Do you want to know something sad?” I asked. He whispered a small yes to me, “I thought you’d left me and” I struggled to get it out, heart rebreaking at the memories. “And I thought all the love we had was a delusion, a fantasy. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, hand on my face as he started crying. I cried too. It wasn’t just sadness, we cried relief. It felt as if I’d been dusted off. Like some omnipotent being had picked me up gently, assuring me all will well.

I think I feel just as much as Embry does. I think I always have. Maybe that’s why I took this gap year. Of course, I needed to save up for college but… I could’ve just worked and studied. But I needed to be here. I feel so much. So all-consuming it becomes an amalgamation of thoughts. Love is the most confusing emotion. Like anger. The anger I felt towards him was the secondary emotion. All anger is. I was sad. I missed him like a rich man misses hunger. Like the bird misses the first flight. Like a deer misses the leaves every winter. I missed ferociously. I missed him with a vigorous anger of a wailing woman. I became a horror. The emptiness of waking on my own a Saturday was gone. I no longer felt hollow. I felt real.

The night was intimate touches, clumsy movements and immense love in a way we have never experienced before. Never imagined to cross that line of friend to this. By the end of the night we held hands and breathed heavily, Sesame Syrup by Cigarettes after sex being the last song playing before we drifted asleep, it was fitting. Even if neither of us smoke.

The next morning was so bright. All the rain had given the grass this sensational glow. Ms Call had called my grandma last night, no doubt the pair gossiping like excited kids. I felt at peace. My entire world had been recentred when I awoke in his arms. Getting changed into the jeans and sweater I had in his closet I silently creeped through to the kitchen. Getting closer I heard light music trilling through the small house. Ms Call was dancing around the kitchen as she made breakfast. Noticing me she laughed pulling me into her, we danced and cooked. I told her about Dottie, how scared I was. How weak she seemed. But that the vet texted me late last night that they had found her owner, an elderly man who had missed her dearly. She was home. Frail and injured but no longer scared.

Embry wandered into the kitchen confused at all the noise. His eyes heavy with sleep, movements soft and low. His smile gleaned as he saw us. Despite his downright horrible dancing skills, we both pulled him to dance with us. It’d been as if my absence echoed and pained Ms Call as much as it did her son. We danced all morning, after eating breakfast Embry and I decided to go down to Port Angeles to grab Ms Call some flowers and to get some more cd’s for his car. He had told me the acidic feeling he had gotten in his throat when he went to buy them on his own.

I was always a full person without Embry, but with him I was enhanced. I was lively and focused. My movements weren’t the sluggish lugs they had been. He was a homeland. The beautiful village that welcomed me when I was shipwrecked.

embry’s pinterest board

AN/: hello! this was an absolute joy to write! I incorporated a lot of my music taste and some vague background to the readers life. I am absolutely ignoring writing an essay for uni right now. I expect very little action with this, I'm not sure how many people will read for my best boy Embry:(

I do have a part two I'm writing to explain more of the grandmother and Kim's imprinting from Jared! In this Bella doesn't get back with Edward, sorry but I just cannot write for that I don't see any chemistry at all between them. I rewrote a bit of Shifter Lore for the tribe in this as SMeyer's is extremely insensitive and I hate strongly how she made them cut their hair. I basically dislike Smeyer. I have made a spotify playlist with all songs mentioned and other songs that remind me of you and Embry, lmk if anyone wants me to share it :)

My requests are open! I write for all twilight characters and some other shows :) Thank you for reading this far. I love you, eat well and have a good new year!

[skibasyndrome]

Hey Simooon 💜,

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it!

For Lavender Haze/all this shit

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

You crave the applause yet hate the attention

Kyss mig med dina röder läppar and/or

Lavender Haze/all this shit (just feel free to pick one or any she/her Wille coded song)

⇆ SLIDING DOORS: pick a character from one fic to drop into another!

I'd love some Aylin somewhere

↻ FLIP FLOP: send me a scene from one of my fics and I’ll describe or write it from another character’s POV!

maybe some Lavender haze from Simon's or Maddie's pov

I know I sent in quite a few just feel free to pick the ones you wanna answer and leave the rest

Heyyyyy, Sophia!!!!! Thank you so much for this lovely ask! 💜💜💜

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it! (For Lavender Haze)

When they exchange shirts at the end 😭😭😭 that was one of the many little ideas that surprised me while I was writing it and I was like!!!!! Omg!!!!!! Mutual "i'm taking your shirt home with me" moment!!!!!!! Promise of "we'll meet again"!!!!!!!

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

(okay, full disclaimer: I never really choose songs for my fics, unless they're already based on one, just because I never really find one that fits? but I'll try my best, haha)

For You crave the Applause / Yet hate the Attention:

Is it a cop-out if I say Achilles Come Down?? I really can't think of anything else and the line I used for the title quite literally inspired the whole fic (in the sense that I went.... wait..... Wille doesn't like when the attention is on him but he relishes in the kind things Simon has to say to him??? that's my anxious praise-kink-haver Wille)

For Kyss mig med dina röda läppar:

Okay, based on nothing but the fact that I had to come up with something right now? Welcome Home, Son by Radical Face is THE song for like... childhood nostalgia to me? And just because to me there are elements of nostalgia in the whole childhood best friends set-up? That song maybe? Also, just cinematically, please imagine the crescendo of "Welcome home" playing as they finally kiss. You're welcome <3

Lavender Haze/all this shit (just feel free to pick one or any she/her Wille coded song)

I........ I truly got nothing 😭😭😭 I'm so sorry but I am HORRID at coming up with songs for fic vibes

⇆ SLIDING DOORS: pick a character from one fic to drop into another!

Since you mentioned Aylin, my beloved, from Lavender Haze/All this shit.... hmmmm.... I was thinking that she could easily be sitting my Felice's side in Flash The Camera, You're A Star! and helping her search for the mysterious man that made Wille lose his mind (and almost lose his interneship </3)

↻ FLIP FLOP: send me a scene from one of my fics and I’ll describe or write it from another character’s POV!

I'm going with Lavender Haze Simon in this one and (because I begged you to choose a scene in the DMs dkagfdkjg thank you <3) I'm writing a part of the scene where they first talk <3 (this is unedited and all I have in me today so bear with me)

Simon takes a deep breath. This is it, he thinks, squaring his shoulders a bit while he stares at the stranger's back. And what a back it is... A small voice in the back of his mind is telling him to turn back around and give the guy some space. Maybe he hadn't meant to stare Simon down the way he did, maybe it's all just a big misunderstanding, but Simon knows that he would regret not trying more than getting rejected. Even though he hopes that rejection is not where this is heading. When the stranger finally turns around, a bottle of coke in his hand, Simon feels his pulse hammering inside of his head. Because, okay, he knew the guy looked pretty, but this is- "Hej," Simon tries, because someone has to say something, right? And that does seem to work, because finally, finally the man in front of him lets a smile tug up the corners of his mouth. "Hi," he replies, and Simon can feel his own smile widen because, yeah. Yeah, this guy is really, really cute from up close. A beautiful dusting of freckles on his high cheekbones, dark eyes that are again and still trained on Simon and when he lifts a hand up towards his hair Simon thinks he desperately wants that one on him until. Oh fuck. No. No, no, no, this surely must be a joke. That movement rings a bell, it definitely rings a bell and the bell won't stop ringing because... No. No way in fucking hell did Simon end up trying to to talk to the fucking prince of all people. "Vänta!," the prince yells, and it's only then that Simon realizes that he stepped back. Despite the shock, the little outburst makes an incredulous smile reappear on his face. This is not the way the guy acts in those boring little TV appearances Simon sometimes sees him in. “I’m Wilhelm, uh… Wille, I mean…,” he adds, a little quieter and maybe it's the light, but Simon thinks that he might just be blushing. “You can call me Wille.” This is not what Simon thought was going to happen if he went to talk to the guy, not at all and maybe it's the whiplash Simon just experience, but this is... almost endearingly awkward. “Wille, huh?” he asks, because... he's pretty sure he should be his-majesty-ing the guy. Not that he'd do it, he just assumes that might be the expectation. But those big eyes are unfairly charming. And Simon feels stupid, reckless, absolutely fucking out of his mind, but he steps closer. Because something about him, something about the way this pretty, pretty man is looking at him... Maybe Simon gets to make some bad decisions sometimes. “Well, hello Wille , I’m Simon,”

Ask me questions about my fics if you feel like it! <3 here or here

[heybaetae]

gifmaker / cc wrapped 2023!

thanks for tagging me my angel @jkvjimin 💜

i tried really hard not to choose all comp sets, but those take the most effort and therefore are what i'm prouder of than a standard set, but regardless...

here are my top 10 fave creations of the year:

bts chapter 1 insta feed // this was an insanely taxing project and is probably the most work i've ever put into anything, but i was really inspired to do it. it took about a week (one day for each panel) and was repetitive, i literally threw out my back by day 3 from sitting working on it that my body was in SO MUCH PAIN, but i wanted to get everything right and make it make sense which is why i wrote up a detail post breaking it down and explaining every decision that went into this. i still intend to make this a series and do one dedicated to their japanese discography (i actually started on one before i published this but didn't like the concept) and for their solo work, but it doesn't feel like the right time yet as things continue to release. but i look forward to it!

cheesy bts valentine cards // this was purposely corny, but the response was unbelievable! i had fun working on it and was so happy it made people laugh and smile. the tags were a joy to read on this post and it's my fourth most popular gifset ever. thank you!

bts guide to troubled birds // yet another corny idea, but i get a kick out of making silly comps and was inspired to make this. i started with jimin's as an experiment because his poem was the easiest to choose and built the rest of it from there, carefully deciding which poem to apply to each member and recreating them from scratch. i love celebrating their chaos in fun ways, so this was nice!

jungkook's sensitive tear ducts // sometimes i get really random comp ideas and spontaneously start making something with no plan. this was one of those times and it is now my third most popular gifset since making this blog in 2020 lol. ofc i'd never gif him upset about anything serious, so i only chose moments that didn't feel inappropriate to include to keep this set lighthearted and humorous.

long live bts (10th anniversary set) // i always knew i wanted to make something with the lyrics of that song because every word of it reminds me of their story. the 10th anniversary was perfect since it literally says "it was the end of a decade". i wanted the set to just be really simple so i went with a more desaturated look and focused more on choosing a scene from each year that fit the lyric per that gif.

love me again mv // this was my first time bothering to gif a music video in 4k. i usually avoid it bc it slows my computer down and takes a lot longer (i also have to reconvert the youtube download to a different file type to get it to play in my kmplayer, it's a whole process) but i waited a few days after it came out because i originially didn't think i could color it when it premiered so i just didn't gif it. but i gave it a try anyway when i didn't feel so pressured and i really like how crisp they came out.

jungkook's bday set // i didn't have a plan for this when i started, but i searched a lot for inspo and finally found something i felt like i could make something with so i came up with this very barbie-esque rendition for jungkook that i'm still very fond of. i purposely didn't write happy birthday on it anywhere so it could be shared year-round. it's probably my fave set i made all year and everyone seemed to like it too!

jimin's bday set // this was originally just going to include songs from FACE, but i decided it didn't celebrate jimin's work as a whole if i didn't include all his solo songs/endeavors so it turned into a big monster. i like how it came out though!

standing next to you mv // this year i was introduced to HD master files, so instead of rushing to download a new mv from youtube and giffing it fast, i'd wait for a higher quality rip from apple music to show up online. the difference is quite astounding. i made gifs with master files for all three of jk's music videos this year (seven, 3D), but i like how this one turned out the best.

vmin comp // just felt like giffing my two favorite people before they left and needed to channel my sad emotions into something before seeing them seperate for so long. i included moments i've giffed before and ones i've never had the chance to gif. i could have made this post so much longer but forced myself to stop lol. i like the pink and blue colors in it a lot <3 i miss them so much

thank for all your support on my work this year! i have lots of (old) new stuff in my drafts to share in the new year so please keep your love coming x

i'm going to tag @userjiminie @userjungkook97 @btsiu and @cordiallyfuturedwight to do this if they'd like to!

[not-poignant]

salut pia!

ive been wondering? how do you handle/change modes when you’re writing across AUs/fics? i mean not only the personality/attribute changes (like role reversal with ef and gwyn) but also change in…oh how do i say this..when a character is a MC in one but side/minor in another? bc they are different devices to different stories, how do you keep an overview of how much you reveal, go into so as to not side track from the main story or change the “flow”. example: whenever theres mentions of gender identity and betas somethin somethin feeling like omegas somethin somethin comes up “casually” sirens go off in my head and then i realise wait faber is NOT the MC in this story this is not about him him but its a little bit about him him. and then i feel like im standing behind a glass wall looking from Utb/Utg to Utr screaming at faber but he is a NPC here so we dont know whats going on in his head. that scene with ef and him eating carrots?…. i would give my right foot and skin tone copic markers to be a fly on the wall in fabers POV (the timelines probably wont align for it to happen but would you ever consider sth like this?? a scene overlapp across stories i mean?)

i’ve mostly read within that universe but ive also read spoils where your characters have completely different..positions? roles? weight? than in rainbow. so yeah how do you keep it all “appropriate” or “fitting” for their roles in different stories. like a puppet master

cheers xx

Hi anon,

So this is going to be not very helpful, but I don't write this stuff down for the most part.

This is the stuff I find so easy that this is why this is my job, in a way. I don't have a list of 'different Efnisiens' to keep track of, or 'different Gwyns.' They become themselves within the story. If I read a chapter of the story I get back into it (actually often I just need to listen to a song or put on the right playlist). Every version of a character is kind of there right now. I know how each would respond to something, and how those things would be the same or vary based on life experiences and the question etc.

I don't do really much at all to change modes. I just...do. There is no overview. It's all in my head. I'd say some of this goes down to how long / how many years I've spent studying character and dialogue overall. But even when I was younger I found this pretty easy, and transplanting characters into different situations to see how they'd react similarly / differently was one of my favourite kinds of exercises even when I was a teenager.

Some of it is knowing focus. Faber's side story is interesting, for those who like Faber and/or Underline the Red, hints about his gender struggles are fascinating, but they can only ever be hints, because I'm mindful that many readers aren't interested in Faber except as a minor character, and haven't read Underline the Red.

The focus is always Efnisien and Gary. Other characters can have their own lives and motivations, but it won't be more than that in the main story. Though I can go into a bit more detail because of the length of the story which is really nice for building out side characters / ensemble cast.

As to crossover perspectives, I don't know! I know we'll see some of Faber's perspective of Efnisien arriving at Hillview in Underline the Red, but obviously things impact characters differently at different times, I don't know what will be most important by the time we get to Faber's side of things. I used to write alternative perspectives as side chapters for Fae Tales though, and that could be a lot of fun.

so yeah how do you keep it all “appropriate” or “fitting” for their roles in different stories.

I saw a video by Hank Green I think once where he said the reason sportspeople are so good at their sports is in part because they're physically often the best at that sport anyway. Like, ballerinas have a certain build, swimmers have a certain build, and any training they do works to support that and make them better, but they were 'built' out for those sports in the first place. Some people have yoga bodies. I have a swimming body and swimming shoulders.

And I feel like this is true sometimes with writing. I don't try to keep it appropriate or fitting, I just know that the ensemble characters can't matter as much as the main characters in the course of the story. That's what a story is. That's what a main character and an ensemble character is. I would say years of experience has made this part of writing mostly easy and fun for me, so I don't have to think or overthink about this stuff anymore. At worst I might think 'was that too much Faber? Eh, it's helping Efnisien, it's still important to the plot and his character arc.'

I'm 'built' for writing big worlds with big ensemble casts where all the characters are important but where the focus is only on a couple of main characters per story. I'm built for character-focused stories and seem to be very built for transplanting characters I love into different worlds (and different roles) to see how that changes things. I started wanting to write these kinds of worlds and characters when I was 10 years old, and had my first sprawling ensemble fantasy series started by the age of 11. By the age of 15 I had a 3 novel fantasy trilogy built out with about 20 significant characters, and it was ridiculous and silly but that was what I wanted to write.

And I guess you could say I haven't really changed, I've just gotten better at it. I hope to keep getting better at it! The challenge now is to figure out how to break down some of these skills so I can share them with others. But...I do think there's an element of 'this is just what I love, it's a special interest, I don't know how to convey that I have 30 years of special interest in reading, writing, and studying this thing across television, manga, manhwa, fanfiction, AUs, and fictional series.' There will be teachable skills in that, but I don't know how much osmosis / absorption / and being obsessed with entangled tapestries of stories makes up what I do.

In some ways it would be 'better' if I was built for more conventional storytelling. My bank account might like that more! BUT, I'm doing okay where I'm at, because I love it, and I try to share that with other people and see if I can tell stories that resonate with them too.

(There are aspects of what I do that are very hard for me - timelines, aspects of worldbuilding, pacing in the first arc, and so on, but the actual characterisation part, and creating multiple versions of the same character is as easy as breathing. I could give you four more different versions of Faber in an hour. Maybe even twenty minutes. It's not hyperbole, it's just...how I daydream, what I think about. And it's fun!)

I'm very very very lucky that other folks are willing to read the same characters across different narratives, because it's a very strange thing to do in writing outside of fanfiction, case in point being that we almost never see any other professional authors doing it with their original works. x.x

[chaoscradle]

assigning GUTS songs to stranger things characters (i know this has been done a ton of times already but i'm doing it anyway):

all-american bitch: nancy

"I know my age and I act like it"

"I'm a perfect all-american bitch"

"I know my place, I know my place, and this is it"

"I'm the eternal optimist, I scream inside to deal with it"

"I pay attention to things most people ignore"

(el could also work with this one, but i felt like with the whole nuclear family thing the wheelers have going on that nancy fits better)

bad idea right?: max

"'I only see him as a friend' the biggest lie I ever said"

"can't two people reconnect?"

"but god, when I look at you, my brain goes 'ah', can't hear my thoughts"

vampire: joyce

"every girl I talked to told me you were bad, bad news"

"you're so convincing, how do you lie without flinching?"

"I've made some real big mistakes, but you make the worst one look fine"

"the way you sold me for parts"

"you said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? you can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart"

"I loved you truly. gotta laugh at the stupidity"

lacy: el

"I linger all the time, watchin', hidden in plain sight"

"aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?"

"I feel your compliments like bullets on skin"

"and I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you"

ballad of a homeschooled girl: mike

"and I hate all my clothes, feels like my skin doesn't fit right over my bones"

"the party's done, and I'm no fun, I know I know, I know, I know"

"I made it weird, I made it worse"

"everything I do is tragic"

"I'm shocked I'm still alive"

(this could also work for robin tbh)

making the bed: mike

"another perfect moment that doesn't feel like mine, another thing I forced to be a sign"

"push away all the people who know me the best"

"every good thing has turned into something I dread"

"and I tell someone I love them, just as a distraction"

logical: will (psa this is from will's pov i don't think any of this of mike)

"come for me like a savior, and I'd put myself through hell for you"

"and I fell for you like rain falls from a February sky, but now the current's stronger and I couldn't get out if I tried"

"oh, why do I do this? I look so stupid thinking two plus two equals five, and I'm the love of your life"

"'cause if rain don't pour and sun don't shine, then changing you is possible"

"you lied, you lied, you lied"

"I guess love is never logical"

"the sky is green, the grass is red, and you mean all those words you said"

"I know I'm half responsible, and that makes me feel horrible"

"I know I could've stopped it all, god why didn't I stop it all?"

"'cause loving you is loving every argument you held over my head"

get him back!: max (NOT about lumax, just how she'd handle a different breakup)

"I want sweet revenge, I want him again"

"do I love him? do I hate him? I guess it's up and down"

"I wanna make him really jealous, I wanna make him feel bad"

"I wanna break his heart, then be the one to stitch it up"

"I wanna meet his mom, just to tell her her son sucks"

love is embarrassing: will

"and then, you kissed some girl from high school"

"waited by my phone like a goddamn fool"

"god, love's embarrassing as hell"

"and I consoled you while you cried over your ex-girlfriend's new guy" (minus the new guy part)

"you found a new version of me"

"I give up, I give up, but I keep comin' back for more"

the grudge: lucas

"how could anyone do the things you did so easily?"

"I try to be tough, I try to be mean, but even after all this, you're still everything to me, and I know you don't care, I guess that's fine"

"one phone call from you and my entire world was changed"

"and I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did, but I hold onto every detail like my life depends on it"

"and I know in my heart, hurt people hurt people"

(this song doesn't 100% represent lucas and max's relationship in s4 imo but it comes the closest)

pretty isn't pretty: el

"there's always something in the mirror that I think looks wrong"

"when pretty isn't pretty enough, what do you do?"

"I could change up my body and change up my face, I could try every lipstick in every shade, but I'd always feel the same"

"fix the thing you hated, and you'd still feel insecure"

"I chased some dumb ideal my whole fucking life, and none of it matters and none of it ends"

teenage dream: will

"they all say that it gets better, it gets better, but what if I don't?"

"when am I gonna stop being wise beyond my years and just start being wise?"

"I'll blow out the candles, happy birthday to me" (birthdaygate)

"but I fear that they already got all the best parts of me"

"will I spend all the rest of my years wishin' I could go back?"

[in-my-loki-feels]

🎥(cheating but bad things verse as a whole?) 🤩🟥🥘😁

Thank you for the ask! (From this game.)

🎥 Pick a fic and I'll tell you the song I imagine playing during its movie trailer.

I loved this question! It really made me examine all the songs on my Bad Things playlist. For the 'verse as a whole, I'd pick "You Are Mine" by Mutemath. I almost titled the most recent fic "Objects of Affection" based on the lyrics:

There are objects of affection That can mesmerize the soul There is always one addiction That just cannot be controlled

It's such a chill song, though, so it probably makes terrible trailer music. "Make You Mine" by Madison Beer would be a better beat to cut scenes to and fits just as well. (And thank you very much for introducing it to me!)

🤩 What's the most meaningful comment you've ever received?

Now I'm going to cheat because there isn't one single comment, but instead a lot of the comments I've received on the Bad Things fics that have been some of the most meaningful I've ever received. I've never written for a character like President Loki, where people love him or hate him (or don't give a shit about him), and having readers say that my fic(s) made them actually care about him has been huge. That, and hearing that I managed to create a fully fleshed out being, with complexity and depth, from someone we saw for maybe 2 minutes. If there's a better way to make me feel accomplished in my writing, I don't know it. I'm not joking when I say that, mentally, I'm taking those comments and clutching them to my chest. <3

🟥 How long do you spend in edits?

Once I complete a first draft, I usually do at least 2-3 passes through it, which probably takes a week if I'm able to work on it a little each day. After that, I always try to leave it alone for at least a day before I come back for the final check. I've learned from experience that if I just keep poking at it without taking that break, I'll miss things and also get frustrated with the fic as a whole.

🥘 What wip are you most excited about?

I'm usually most excited about whatever I'm currently working on (which is why I'm writing that) but right now I'm between two wips. I was really excited about the appropriately named Jet Ski wip but then I typed a sentence that threw me for such a loop I had to abandon it and move on to the Stranded In Asgard wip.

Actually, the shorter (and better) answer is: whichever Bad Things 'verse fic is next. <3

😁 What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

Definitely comments! I just love hearing what readers think about my fics and the more detail the better. It also usually gives me a chance to talk more about the characters/story, which I'm always eager to do. I'd place Tumblr asks second for that reason, though I think they're less frequent. (I liked your point about notes in bookmarks but my fics almost always have bookmarks without notes, so I didn't place them higher on this list.)

[alasse-earfalas]

Updated Fierce Deity Links Playlist!

I swapped a couple tracks and added a couple Links with their own songs to the list, so I figured it was high time for me to make an update to the original playlist post. This time around I'm going to go into a little more detail as to why I chose each song for each FD Link, rather than just copy/pasting some lyrics like I did last time.

As a reminder: this is following the theory / headcanon that the OG Fierce Deity Mask is a mask of ascended Sky. Thus, this is not a collection of songs describing what each Link would be like under the influence of the OG FD mask; rather, these are songs for what each Link's ascended, FD forms would be like. (Not that it matters all that much, really.)

Track list under the cut. :)

First: Holy Ghost (feat. Andrea Storm Kaden) by Fabvl (Clean Version) This song was written about Adam from the anime Record of Ragnarok (which I still need to watch). Right off the bat there's the obvious correlation between the First Hero & the First Human, but there's also the desperate fight between a mere mortal and a god. The erratic nature of the music and lyrics, and the screaming, lends itself to the desperation First must've felt during that fight. Considering how he died, I thought that his desperate determination would carry over to his FD form after death.

Time: In The Air Tonight by State of Mine Time just wants to rest in piece. I love the observation in LU that he is done with combat. It would take a lot to convince him to go into battle after training Twilight as the Hero's Shade. However, as a Link, he is still very much a force to be reckoned with. Underestimating him would be a death sentence, and heaven help the poor soul of anyone who stupidly incurs his wrath. With all that in mind, I wanted to go with a song that was a little more subdued than the others, but still intimidating and intense. After listening through the previous playlist a few times, I kept feeling like Time's original song just wasn't quite on par with the others. I swapped it with this one both for the up in intensity, and because it really sells the, "I don't want to be here... but you done screwed up, so now I have no choice but to put an end to your miserable life" vibe.

Twilight: POWER by Divide Music The lyrics of this one fit Twilight like a freaking glove. However, I think I may have shied away from using it originally because the type of music doesn't quite fit the edgy goth cowboy we all know and love. But after listening to it again a few times, it occurred to me that FD Twilight would be ascended Twilight; postmortem Twilight; BotW Wolf Link amiibo Twilight. And that annoying little fleabag (affectionate) is a lot more bold and "Have at thee, pathetic monster!" than he was in Twilight Princess—which is exactly the vibe of this song.

Warriors: The Resistance by Skillet Come on. "I am a nation"? "I am a soldier"? Tell me that's not Wars. The lyrics are just too perfect. Even "Love is the answer" makes me think of how he views his Zelda versus how Cia started a whole war over her obsession with him (additionally, "Used to be a slave, but now you are a conquer" makes me think of my personal headcanon of how the Temple of Souls would have realistically gone if Hyrule Warriors wasn't made for kids). Even the guitar solo at the end is reminiscent of the HW soundtrack!

Four: The War Inside (Spotlight Remix) by Switchfoot Mainly it's just the lyrics for this one. This is only remix I could find that was intense enough, and even then, I'd prefer something with a little more oomph to it.

Wind: Ruthlessness from EPIC: The Musical Do I even need to comment on this? It's freaking ticked off Poseidon. Heck, this was actually the song that inspired the whole playlist!

Wild: The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy Oh man. Where to start? The rapid strings, the chaotic yet poetic lyrics, the relentless pace... Yeah, this is FD Wild. I can just see him, lurking in the shadows, going full guerrilla warfare, setting fire to everything while manipulating Sheikah and Zonai tech like frikkin' Emmet from the Lego Movie. If anything, like Four's song, I'd love to see a remix or cover with a touch more oomph to it. But this will do.

Age (AoC Link): You're Going Down (Radio Edit) by Sick Puppies Age strikes me as the kind of guy who never backs down from a fight or a challenge, no matter how petty (see: eating gravel on a dare). He is heck-a confident in his abilities, masterfully using super reckless tactics (health-burning claymore mechanic, anyone?) and unwieldy prototype weapons to great effect. So, yeah. This is absolutely FD Age.

Legend: Legendary by Skillet It's in. The freaking. Name. Grandiose, confident bordering on cocky, a taunt and an anthem rolled into one. Some of the best-fitting lyrics on this dang list. Overall, just, epic.

Hyrule: Feel Invincible by Skillet This has "I've survived the freaking post-apocalypse, witch" vibes to it, plus some somber contemplative moments that I think would fit older Hyrule very well. I can see Hyrule being another Link who, like Time, just wants to be done when he dies. He'll still fight when he's called upon, and he'll be frighteningly effective in combat, but don't expect him to be enthused about it—just impatient to get back to his well-earned afterlife.

Sky: Say My Name by Divide Music This is the OG Fierce Deity. This is Sky ready to roll some heads. He forged the LoZ equivalent of Excalibur so he could kill a god at seventeen/eighteen, he married the powerful protector goddess who's revered and worshiped by his people, and he is done with your crap. This is the jacked-as-fetch protective dad towering over the schoolyard bully. Your only hope of survival is to not be the bully.

[alpydk]

"Fanfic Writer Ask Game"

Oh you want it, you got it! We're into deep, we're into deep❗ 👏😆I want to know it all

❤️💥👻👓🦈🌻💛💭🧪

Oh damn! You got it, you precious demon of chaos! Love it!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

I have too many that come to mind, The eclipse moment is the obvious one, but that's technically 2 lines so going to with this from Disgusting, tainted, used - "You’d made your bed, and now you had lain in its ethereal sheets." - Such a simple and common phrase but altered slightly and the guilt/self blame behind it sticks with me bad.

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

I'm honestly stumped. Like I know, I want more of the Gale/Durge confrontation after the coronation, especially if you're romancing him, but that's not so much a change. I think I'd want the Mystra stuff changed, if anything. I'm not getting on either side of the discussion and what needs changing, only that it needs some proper planning, so there isn't a discussion. Maybe just a better timeline, who this Mystra really is in the scheme of things rather than just metadata and speculation. (Yes, I've seen the many posts.)

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

That Aradin is a lawyer. He's given it up thinking that being an adventurer would be easier, and this is why he has a (probably very detailed) contract with Lorroakan. He wasn't a talented lawyer, instead one of those intro to the Ace Attorney type prosecution lawyers that you'd get for free. It also explains why he's not that good in a fistfight.

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

Music, particularly if it's not in a language I speak, so Kpop, Breed 77 (Spanish), Rammstein (German). Things like that.

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Elminster by far. Take a normal sentence, flower it up, flower it up some more. Is it understandable? No, then you've not gone far enough. For someone like me who's very straight to the point, writing him hurttttt....

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

Quite a lot, actually. I'm a huge fan of my own work. I've got everything I like, excess angst, likeable characters, and I update my fics often. Why wouldn't I read it all the time?

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

That I'm writing for me and me alone and fuck the haters. Like really, as someone who is extremely sensitive to the reactions of others, learning this (and still learning it) has been the most important thing. I still have days where I don't see the notes tick up and I think why do I bother, but then as I'm writing it, sitting in that imaginary world of my creation, I realise that I'm happy anyway, and I don't need other people's validation to have that.

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

Music is a big inspiration for me. I might hear a song or see a lyric and think that suits X character. How can I get that to fit in a narrative sense? And from there it just builds up. The entirety of Eclipse was based on one song alone.

🧪 Do you research for your fics?

I might check up on something if I'm unsure, colours for example or what the name of a specific thing is. I know for Ink Stains I had to look quite a bit into codependent relationships to make sure I was hitting the topic correctly, like I had my own experiences to go on, but it didn't feel enough.

Right anyway - Rugan isn't going to save himself at this rate but thank you for the ask. I really don't get enough (shameless hint to those reading this :p)

[ineffablydelighted]

[Cute Omens #4]

[Also called: Crowley gets j-e-a-l-o-u-ssss]

Right before Aziraphale leaves for Edimburg, ready to get inside the Bentley

Maggie: Oh, Mister Fell, wait! *runs towards him*

Aziraphale: Yes, Maggie? Hello?

Maggie: I just wanted to tell you again how grateful I am for... You know... *awkward shoulder balancing and smile* Not collecting the rent.

Aziraphale: *soft smile of an Angel* My pleasure, Maggie! No need to thank me everyday 😊

Maggie: You... You don't get it, do you?

Aziraphale: I... I'm not sure, now?

Maggie: Nobody does that anymore... People like you, I mean. They do no exist anymore. People are more like... your... *unsure but tries* boyfriend.

Aziraphale: Crowley? Oh, no, Maggie, you've got the wrong idea, Crowley is a very nice... *very long pause* friend... of mine? *shy smile*

Maggie: F-friend of yours? Oh, oh my, I am so sorry, I've... got the wrong idea, um... It's just that... I see him with you so often, and you are- and I just figured- Nevermind.

Aziraphale: *his smile starts to display some hints of regret without him realizing*

Maggie: Listen, Mister Fell, it is most probably not my place, but... In case you wanted to... You know, live something less... "friendly", I might know someone who might be... interested?

Aziraphale: *sudden flashes of Maggie's grandmother hitting on him* O-Oh? You do?

Maggie: You... Remember Mister Brown?

Aziraphale: Oh, yes, I saw him yesterday, he asked me to organize the next Monthly Meeting!

Maggie: Didn't he ask... Anything else?

Aziraphale: Not anything of substance I can remember of. Are you... implying he would have wanted to... hum... ask something else to me? *is never comfortable about these things*

Maggie: I think he likes you very much. And... I am sorry to say, again, certainly not my place, but... he might be a... better fit than your... friend.

Aziraphale: *embarrassed laugh* Maggie, truly, you've got the wrong idea about Crowley! He's the nicest person I've ever met *in over 6000 years which is saying something* and the best...*always marks a pause there for some reason* friend I could ever wish for!

Maggie: I understand, really, it's just that you seem... lonely, sometimes?

Aziraphale: Do I?

Maggie: Trust me, I know the feeling!

Aziraphale: *sympathetic smile* Nothing from... Nina?

Maggie: I'd rather not talk about it, it's... painful. Anyway, um... If you wanted to... Talk some more with Mister Brown, I'm pretty sure he would be very pleased!

Aziraphale: Well, I-

Maggie: *runs without warning* Oh, I-I really have to go, have a good trip, Mister Fell!

Aziraphale: *awkward wave**gets in the car* Oh, hello, there. I'm sure we're gonna get along just perfectly! *taps the steering wheel amicably*

Bentley: *activates a random song the second Aziraphale is seated and ready to go*

Oh, how wrong can you be?

Oh, to fall in love was my very first mistake,

How was I to know,

I was far too much in love to see oh

Jealousy,

Look at me now...

The next morning, the Bookshop's bell rings

Mr Brown: Mister Fell? Hello?

Jim: Hello, I'm Jim, Mister Fell's assistant! How can I help you not buying a book?

Mr Brown: Actually, I was hoping I could see Mister Fell himself, if that is...

Crowley: *arrives in style* Mister Fell is not here, who's ask- *stops and looks at him from afar* Oh. You, again? *is unsure why this last word came out of his mouth but still did*

Mr Brown: *startled* Ah, it is... you... Mister...?

Crowley: *reaches his glasses and puts them on**smirks and walks towards him* Crowley. Hello.

Mr Brown: I-I forgot to ask yesterday, you are...?

Crowley: *raises an eyebrow* I... am...?

Mr Brown: *tries to express himself with just the eyes*

Crowley: *does not get it**at all**makes some waves with his chin to signify he needs more details*

Mr Brown: Maybe... that was a mistake...

Crowley: *clueless Demon* A... mistake? What? The monthly meeting?

Mr Brown: N-no! Nothing to do with the monthly meeting! I...

Crowley: You wanted to see Mister Fell about... Not the meeting? Why?

Mr Brown: I... This is... *sighs* Can we, please, stop beating around the bush?

Crowley: *thinks he somewhat starts to get it but remains unsure* Uhhh... Sure...

Mr Brown: Is Mister Fell in a... relationship at the moment?

Crowley: *hesitates for much longer than he expected* Not... that I know of? And, well, I certainly... would know?

Mr Brown: Wait... You're not his... On-and-off partner?

Crowley: *feels something unexpected growing besides astonishment**is it... anger?* I am most certainly not.

Mr Brown: Oh... OH! G-good! I mean, okay! Are you his... cousin or something?

Crowley: *laughs* Hell no! *is tempted to remove his glasses for some reason*

Mr Brown: Business partner?

Crowley: Sort... of... speak?

Mr Brown: Oh, okay, hum... Can you please not tell Mister Fell about our encounter? I feel like I need to ask him out myself, you see?

Crowley: *finally totally gets it* Sorry. Ask him out? As in... Ask him for a date? *chuckles* Oh, no! Angel doesn't date, ever! *has heard the joke of the next three centuries*

Mr Brown: *gets offended**and cold**well, at least he tries* I-I'm sorry to say but that is not on you to decide, is it?

Crowley: *stops laughing out of nowhere and feels the anger taking the lead**approaches him menacingly* Or maybe, just maybe... it is?

Mr Brown: B-but, you said-

Crowley: *even colder voice* I know what I said, I just don't believe you heard me, so let me clarify... *takes him by the collar*

Mr Brown: *gasps*

Crowley: Mister Fell... doesn't... date. *ends up with a creepy smile*

Mr Brown: *muster some courage**looks at Crowley's hands on his vest**looks back at Crowley's glasses* What if he wants to?

Crowley: *gritted teeth* I assure you: he doesn't.

Mr Brown: How would you know that?!

Crowley: I just do.

Jim: *is back or maybe has never left, nobody knows* Uhhhh... Do you need... assistance in anything?

Crowley: *releases Mr Brown with the heaviest, most threatening smirk**turns at Jim* Can you show Mister Brown the exit? We're done here.

Mr Brown: But I...

Crowley: *turns back at him**accidently nose-on-nose* Ou-T.

Mr Brown: *recoils**frowns his brows**but remains intimidated* I guess you have some unfinished business to attend to, Mister Crowley.

Crowley: *looks at his nails* Yeahhh, I most certainly do. Taking care of Mister Fell's things takes such a long time indeed!

Mr Brown: *to Jim* I know the exit, thank you. Good... *to both* Have a... good day.

Crowley: *indifferent* Oh, I will. Taking care of...

Mr Brown: Mister Fell's things. Yes, I caught that.

Jim: Have a good day! *waves enthusiastically*

[The door closes]

Mr Brown: God, these two really need to talk!

***

Navigation time!

[While needing you to consider that, most of the time, the scenes are randomized and do no necessarily follow one another at all]

Previous - Beginning - Next

[wrongcaitlyn]

need more apollo and darren lore to see if i can relate them to back to december

you can ONE HUNDRED PERCENT relate them to back to december if you just ignore the tiny detail of them not breaking up in december (but like, who cares because it’s the VIBE that matters and in this case the vibe is definitely accurate)

i will definitely be adding more apollo and darren lore…let’s just say… archery world championships happening soon…. olympics in one year…. kayla’s an icon mastermind…..

but! some little notes in specific relation to back to december

i know you may think this is apollos pov, but after looking over the lyrics again to refresh my memory… it’s from darren’s perspective. 100%

I'm so glad you made time to see me / How's life? Tell me, how's your family? / I haven't seen them in a while

apollos family!! not referring to his dad. duh. but darren’s prob just talking abt like the 1-2 times he met will and austin as babies, he hasn’t seen them since so “a while”…. sure darren, that might be a bit of an understatement

You've been good, busier than ever / We small talk, work and the weather / Your guard is up and I know why

small talk is SO real with them. they’re so awkward esp rn. they don’t know how to talk to each other. apollo says “nice weather we’re having” completely unironically and darren responds “oh yeah it’s nice”

cue silence for like 2 minutes until apollo asks how his coaching is going and more and more stilted conversation

AND!!! they’re both busier than ever!! apollo returning to being employed (kinda? i mean, he has a job so) and darren with olympics being next year

Because the last time you saw me / Is still burned in the back of your mind / You gave me roses and I left them there to die

i don’t wanna spoil exactly how they broke up… bc me and wronghuntress had like an hour long convo abt pollen lore a few weeks back and. guys. when i tell you i am SO fucking excited to write it‼️‼️

HOWEVER. this line. is very. very. very. fitting. from darren’s pov that’s all i’m saying hereeee

bc ik in one of the other chapters i said that apollos like “i ruined his life” and he DID but also like. it’s messy. it’s so very messy.

So this is me swallowin' my pride / Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night / And I go back to December all the time

not technically in front of him but!! the phone call!! abt kayla!! him swallowing up his pride, and there wasn’t necessarily an apology for the… things that happened, but it’s a step forward

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you / Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine / I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright / I go back to December all the time

change it to march and make darren a singer instead of an archer and this would be one of his songs😭😭

These days, I haven't been sleepin' / Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin' / When your birthday passed and I didn't call / Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times / I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side / And realized I loved you in the fall

god… this timeline is actually SO real. if anyone’s making a pollen playlist out there (i should probably do that when i have timeHDKDJD) THIS SONG‼️‼️‼️

anyway ofc apollo is associated with summer in darren’s brain… and also apollo def thinks of summer too when thinking of darren :)

and oh yeah, ofc apollo’s in the passenger seat. bro probably grew up with drivers and doesn’t have his license.. rip sun chariot!!! (he gets his license eventually, ofc, but only bc it’s to drive will to school)

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile / So good to me, so right

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

i mean, do these even need to be explained? well darren, i can assure you that you WILL love again. it’s what we all need

okay so. i can’t really. explain the rest of this stuff. but here are the lyrics that stand out to me SOOO much because of how they broke up. that is all i can say for now!!

And then the cold came, the dark days / When fear crept into my mind / You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

And how you held me in your arms that September night / The first time you ever saw me cry

thank you so much for the ask!! it’s been a while since some pollen content but i swear it’s coming soon :))

[that-ari-blogger]

AJR's Camera (Maybe) Man

So, The Maybe Man (written by @ajrbrothers) came out fairly recently and I genuinely love this song and the music video that accompanies it. So, I'm going to do some analysis.

This is a song about being unsure of oneself, and the camera work and visual symbolism really play into that.

Let me explain.

WARNING, The lyrics of this song include some mild cursing. If you don't like that, you are under no obligation to keep reading.

Let's start with the two most obvious things here. The art style and the camera work.

This video has an incredibly roughly painted style. It's incredible, but its reminiscent, at least to me, of a layered acrylic style. This is exactly as it sounds; paint is added on top of itself to form this incredibly rough style that is both refined and unrefined at the same time. There is a cognitive dissonance when looking at this style, and that dissonance carries over to the images. This is someone looking at their life and what it could have been. The song keeps going "I wish I was... but if I was..." It's an unrefined idea that gets more complex as the protagonist looks closer.

Next there is the camera work, and I can't really show you this in a still image. The camera is shaky, as if the cameraman is a novice. But because this is animated, it cycles back to being intentional, its a choice that links back to the novice thing. Once again, this is a song about being unsure of yourself, so the camera work is unstable too.

Ok. I love this opening shot. Immediately you notice two things. One, the protagonist is tiny, but centralised. You know this is a song about them, but you can't make out any detail. You need to look closer to find out who your main character is. The second thing to point out is the houses in the sky. They are out of reach, unobtainable. And if the protagonist ever actually gets there, they won't fit in, because the houses are upside down. Who is the right side up here, is it the protagonist? Or is it the houses?

This (in case you missed it) is an homage to another AJR album cover. That being OC ORCHESTRA

The point here is two fold again. Obviously its the protagonist looking back on his life, but its also looking back on the duality that this image represents. The light and the dark of life. The happiness and sadness. What is a person but a collection of memories walking around grasping for meaning. This is a protagonist looking at themself before they start looking elsewhere.

The shot then reverses, now its whoever at the end of the street looking back, accompanied by the line:

I don't want to know what my friends think

My reading of this is that while the protagonist looks back at their life up to this point, they are wondering what their past self would think of them now.

Wish I were my dog out on the lawn

I'd be so glad when I hear you come home

But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long

I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone

Guys. Really? Out of the gate? AJR songs always make me tear up, but this is one just looks me in the eye and watches me while I cry. Come on guys. Why are you so good at this?

I think that this moment and verse are about the innocence and simplicity of youth. The protagonist wishes for that simplicity, and watches it fade before him. Innocence doesn't live long, you become more world wise, and you lose that comfort.

Here we have a dream being immediately darkened by fear of loneliness. Its someone acting, and being dynamic with their posing, but the second the camera pans out and the lights and other effects become visible, the fakeness in other words, the protagonist assumes this quiet demeanor. Arms by the sides. Reserved.

Once again, we get this close up of the face, and you see tears. You get told they are fake, then you get told they are real. And you can't visually notice the difference, because that is the penalty of putting up a mask. Nobody can tell when its the real you.

I don't have much to say about these shots. They are simple, and they work.

It's a song about being weighed down by your thoughts, so that's what happens. Its a song about feeling like you're drowning, and there's a visual of someone drowning. Visual metaphors don't have to be subtle to get their point across.

The protagonist is trapped here, that's what this image is trying to get across. They are in the dark, lit only by this tiny window that shows the sky. Even when he is literally above it, he still longs for the outside world.

Once again, the protagonist is in the centre of the camera, so you know this shot is about them, and they are framed by this staircase and the light coming from inside, a place where they are not. And you could say to this: "You know this is about the protagonist because they are the only one in the shot" and that leads into my next point.

There is no-one in this entire music video except the protagonist. Usually, AJR music videos have at least Adam and Ryan to join Jack in the visuals, to bounce off his energy. But here, they are conspicuously absent. You don't have anyone to foil off the protagonist, nobody to show their character. You are left with a character who you don't fully understand, just like they don't understand themself.

Suddenly, an eye appears. This is spooky, and to be fair, my first reaction to seeing this would be to drop the bottle as well. But the symbolism here is pretty neat, in my most humble of opinions. It's another person looking at the protagonist. Or is it.

If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack

I'd get invited to every frat

But when you get old and your good days have passed

You'll only want me when you're sad

The protagonist is saying "what if I was this bottle?" And they are looking at themself.

These are three images of the protagonist watching their life go past. And remember what I said earlier about people. Once again, this is just the protagonist. In situations where there should be people, or animals, there is nothing.

These two verses are brutal, and I love them. The protagonist wishes for power, and skill, and all of their dreams, but when they get what they want, they would still not have any of the people. They'd be too big for that. Hence how big they are in this image. But...

I don't need to explain why this shot is cool. I am but a simple fool, I see stars, I like. But take a look at what the protagonist is seeing. Even though this protagonist is the size of a planet, they are still tiny and alone. Every speck of light in that sky is tens of hundreds of times bigger than the protagonist. There's a whole nebula just sitting there. It doesn't matter how big you get, there will always be something bigger that you can't have.

I wish I was me, whoever that is

I could just be and not give a shit

Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan

'Cause I don't know who the hell I am

If you spend enough time trying to please people, regardless of whether you are a musician, or an actor, or a student, or anything else. You stop being you and start being what you think people want. You lose track of yourself.

This shot returns to the beginning, as the song reaches its pre-chorus. There is a lull, a time for self-reflection, even more than the rest of the song. It's a return to square one, reminding you of the song's opening question, who is this character?

That transitions into a blank void with just the protagonist in it. It is empty, there's nothing there except them. He is alone with his thoughts.

But first, you go through this transition, as the light fades, everything merges into one, like a mouth, that abruptly closes, as all of the protagonist's thoughts swallow them.

Then you get this, a sequence of the protagonist running through the locations already shown in the song, all of their memories, all of their life. And there's something interesting there. When you run, you're either going towards something, or away from something. What is happening here? Is the protagonist running towards the end? Or are they trying to escape the present? What is happening here?

The lyrics here are also fascinating. It's the song slows, and grows quiet, and then:

One, two, pandemonium!

Its the sudden existentialism, the sudden crisis, the sudden fear. Because that's how that feels. You are sitting there and then all of a sudden, your brain decides to start thinking and you can't make it stop.

This is what happens when you run too fast through life. You lose control. You stop running, you start falling. You become unable to change your trajectory and the only way you can gain any semblance of agency is to slow down and think, but that is painful. That means you have to hit the ground. That's the thing about falling. The fall is never the painful bit, its the sudden stop at the end that scares people.

So, what is this song about?

I think this is a song about imposter syndrome. Not specifically the details and the nitty gritty, but the feeling that it gives a lot of people. This isn't a genetic disorder or a disease you can catch, this is something that can strike anyone, and make them question who they are. It's the existentialism that is part of being an adult.

I leave you with this Peanuts comic:

Being a kid is about not having to worry, its about the innocence there. But when you become an adult, you don't get that anymore. You don't get to sleep in the comfort, you have to stress, you have to work out who you are, and why.

[justkillingthyme]

Tell me about the Noah Kahan Layton animatics 👁👁

Smirks. Oh boy get ready for an infodump.

Here’s the sketch (not all of the planned ones just the ones I had thought up on the spot) and the actual thoughts are under the cut and it’s going to be. Long

Not going to go into detail on the plans themselves unless I get asked to about a particular one it’ll just be my thoughts on why it fits. If I don’t have a song from him it’s either that I have an idea that half fits or don’t have it all fleshed out

Stick Season

Northern Attitude

I think Northern Attitude is a Des song

You build a boat, you build a life.

You lose your kids, you lose your wife

And

If you get too close

And I'm not how you hoped

Forgive my northern attitude

Oh, I was raised out in the cold

If the sun don't shine

'Til the summertime

Forgive my northern attitude

Oh, I was raised on little light

Literally him. Left alone in his house at a young age, built himself up. Got his shit together and settled down and had it all ripped away from him.

Come Over

Randall vibes (Stansbury era)

And my mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it

Oh, the words they went missin' when the stock market crashed

^angelas tears. He doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions, much less other people’s.

Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want

Randall on the expedition. His whole thing is that he wants to prove himself. Randall is very much an insecure needing reassurance but covering it up with reckless confidence kid.

New Perspective

Randall vibes but MG era

If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it

I'd probably get high and crash or something stupid

Ironic here. Talking w descole

Gave me your word and now I can't pronounce it

No thing's so sure that I can't learn to doubt it

And the chorus

Ooh, this town is for the record now

The intersection got a Target

And they're calling it downtown

You and all of your new perspective now

Wish I could shut it in a closet

And drag you back down

This is aimed at Henry and the development of Monte D’or. On how it’s so close to Stansbury and Henry profited from his death.

Orange juice

I actually have a page for this one! So good for you for sticking around till here

It’s old but encapsulates more of my idea for the animatic

Henry @ Randall post MM. in this particular one it’s more of a scenario where Randall has left Monte D’or after everything and is back for visiting occasionally.

Feels like I've been ready for you to come home

For so long

That I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone

Why'd you go?

And the verse

See the graves as you pass through, from our crash back in '02

Not one nick on your finger, you just asked me to hold you

Literally the ending of MM. flooded the city with sand.

But it made you a stranger and filled you with anger

Now I'm third in the lineup to your Lord and your Savior

Not sure if it’s visible in the picture but I have lord as Angela and savior as Hershel. He’s always been third place for Randall.

You said my heart has changed and my soul has changed

And my heart, and my heart

That my life has changed, that this town had changed

And you had not

That the world has changed, don't you find it strange

That you just went ahead and carried on?

And here Randall gets a little angry. Henry remains the same no matter how much time has passed. It’s something of a mixture of anger that Henry had moved on without him before but refuses to move on now that Randall has left of his own accord

And Henry responds

Are we all just crows to you now?

Are we all just pulling you down?

You didn't put those bones in the ground

That Randall was the one leaving them.

Strawberry Wine

Layclaire!!! Hershel about Claire after her death. Getting over it

I said, "Love is fast asleep, " on a dirt road

With your head on my shoulder

It’s about the little things. The things they used to do together. The moments that made love real.

Strawberry wine, and all the time we used to have

Those things I miss, but know are never comin' back

and for when he sees Claire pass him by

No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft

And sentimental like a stranger in the park

For a few moments, I see you

and for the chorus. Right person, wrong time. Wrong place. Maybe in a different world

If I was empty space, and you were a formless

Shape, we'd fit

But love leaves little runway, and every time we run

Straight over it

Growing Sideways

Hershel and his habit of self destruction and riding on tea and late night research so he doesn’t have to process any of his trauma. Also could go for Des here

I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them

But it's a start

hello Leon Bronev

But I ignore things, and I move sideways

Until I forget what I felt in the first place

At the end of the day I know there are worse ways

To stay alive

'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy

I'm terrified that I might never have met me

Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty

I guess I'll drive

Halloween

MM era ranlay, could also work post Stansbury. Could also do layclaire. Hershel pov

I’ll let the lyrics do the explaining. Here’s the chorus

But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in

And the bridges have long since been burned

The ash of the home that I started the fire in

It starts to return to the Earth

I'm leavin' this town and I'm changin' my address

I know that you'll come if you want

It's not Halloween, but the ghost you're dressed up as

Sure knows how to haunt, yeah, she knows how to haunt

and the verse

It's an ode to the hole that I found myself stuck in

The song for the grave that I dug

There's a murder of crows in the low light off Boston

And I see your face in each one

I'm losin' myself in the tiniest objects

I'm seein' my life on a screen

I'm hearin' your voice in a strange foreign language

If only I learned how to speak

Hershel blaming himself and being unable to move on

Still

Layclaire <3

Last lyric of verse and then the chorus

Stare up at a starless sky and you say

It’s like I’m still here with you

It’s like I’m still here with you

I don't, I don't, I don't wanna say goodbye

Literally the ending cutscene.

The View Between Villages

Hershel post MM. going home after THAT whole experience. Also could work with visiting Stansbury during college/later

Feel the rush of my blood

I'm seventeen again

I am not scared of death

I've got dreams again

and the last verse

Passed Alger Brook Road, I'm over the bridge

A minute from home but I feel so far from it

The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin

It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again

The things that I lost here, the people I knew

They got me surrounded for a mile or two

The car's in reverse, I'm grippin' the wheel

I'm back between villages and everything's still

Paul Revere

MM. just Hershel in MM.

It's typical, I fear

Folks just disappear

And when they ask me who I am

I'll say I'm not from around here

Dude. I could go on and on about this song because I have something planned for each lyric. It fits so well.

No Complaints

Hershel recovering post attack. Could also set it post UF

I saw the end, it looks just like the middle

Got a paper and pen and a page with no space

End is Claire’s death, middle could work for Randall or Claire’s first death. Paper and pen. Man literally journals.

In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen

But I can finally eat and I can fall asleep

It's fine, fine, fine

I think you guys see me vision. Vaguely gestures at Bill Hawks.

You’re Gonna Go Far

Henry and Angela seeing Randall out of Monte D’or.

Making quiet calculations where the fault lies

Heyyy

So, pack up your car, put a hand on your heart

Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are

We ain't angry at you, love

You're the greatest thing we've lost

Alt ending line is we’ll be waiting for you love.

I’m a firm believer that Randall doesn’t stay in Monte D’or post MM

[lilysundragon]

I'm so torn on the new Alkaloid MV/song for so many reasons but primarily I think my issue stems from the idea that it's trying to do two things at once and not really succeeding with either.

It needs to be Tatsumi's climax song. In this department, I think the song's sound is perfect this is exactly what I imagine a Tatsumi center would sound like. I've always thought that Tatsumi was a bit underrated as a singer and this song proves why his voice is great. It's also just flat out a fun song.

In additon to being Tatsumi's climax song, however Undying Holy Love also has to be a Halloween song and here's where it fumbles a bit. I think it's fine that it doesn't sound exactly like a Halloween song, my problem is that the MV doesn't suit Tatsumi.

Crazy Anthem, Parallel Maze, Bye Bye Buddy, and Love Me Monster all fit their units to a tee, concluding their arcs by putting an emphasis on the visuals within their MV. Crazy Anthem contains tons of references to past Crazy:B songs, Parallel Maze is a look into the progress Ra*bits has made, Bye Bye Buddy is a big final hurrah for Double Face, and Love Me Monster is reclaiming "monster" for the twins, a part of themselves that they've been struggling with throughout !!. I'm not going to comment on Fine's Climax because I am admittedly not very familiar with them.

Because Undying Holy Love has to be a Halloween song, I don't feel like it has any big significance to Tatsumi - at least, not in the visuals. Translations for the song aren't up yet so maybe I'm dead wrong, but just watching the MV I don't get the vibe of Tatsumi Climax. None of the MV seems to hold any significance to him, it's just a normal Halloween MV. If this had released last year alongside Helter Spider or Ghostic Treat House I wouldn't bat an eye. In fact, I'd be really delighted by it. In light of the other Climax songs, however, I feel like it's very lackluster.

I won't get into detail about my grievances with the Climax events but as a quick aside... Some of them feel like huge, impactful events (Crazy:B, Ra*bits, and Double Face were the best at feeling distinct from a normal event) but as we've continued, they've felt less special. To me, this feels like a disservice to Tatsumi who has such an interesting story and has grown so much over the last three years. By splitting the event into both our Halloween event and Tatsumi's Climax event, it feels like the team has split their focus too much and has in the end come up with something that is neither Alkaloid Halloween or Tatsumi Climax.

I could eat my words when the story gets released, but to me it feels like HappyEle should've picked one or the other, either commit to Alkaloid Halloween or to concluding Tatsumi's story and giving us an MV that is in line with the others. That's just my two cents on it, tho.

Song's still an absolute banger.

[jorisjurgen]

My Atcham Playlist - explained

Another self-indulgent post going into details on why I picked certain songs for my second playlist. There are a lot more dark themes in this than in the Kerubim playlist, imo, so be aware.

CHILDHOOD/ADOLESCENCE PART:

1. Kikuo - You're a Useless Child

A subtle reference to the fact that Ecaflip is a bad father. Also to the fact that "the Good Child and the Fox Spirit" is in my Kerubim playlist.

2. Regina Spektor - Two Birds

As I said in my other playlist explanation (this, and 1-3 other songs are shared between the playlist, so I'll just copy the explanations): "I chose this song because,,, I like to think that Atcham and Kerubim had very different visions if their lives and futures, when they were kids. And Ecaflip's manipulation didn't really help."

3. Abuseken - Moths and Mayflies

A very sad, yet vague song, the overarching theme of which seems to be self-hatred, and being abused for the way you look even by your loved ones. There are also some lyrics pertaining to religion, which is common in Abuseken's songs and fits the fact that Atcham (and Kerubim)'s familial situation is uhh., hellnightmare.

"If you're loved despite your looks, that's family. Yes, that's love."

4. Sohta - I saw the moon

If this isn't in your playlist of "two characters who love each other but one of them is being left behind in their shadow" type relationships I don't even know what to say.

It's a very soft and loving song, which is rare for this playlist. I do think that when they were kids Atcham loved Kerubim a lot, and even after he still loved him their whole lives in some weird insane way. But this song is about that soft type of love that was still real before Atcham became embittered, but already knew they were going in different directions and feeling jealousy. Siblingism level lethal.

5. weevildoing - Disposable Girl

This playlist includes a cover because I just like how it sounds sfdgsdfg.

Anyway to explain why this song is on this playlist in the easiest way possible:

Folks you may or may not realize it, but I do headcanon Atcham to have been heavily abused in the orphanage so ughh yeah this isn't a happy playlist sfjgsdfg. Not that Kerubim's was happy.

Also, a lot of the lyrics are concerned with feeling jealous of even the harassment and abuse people who are prettier may receive for being "attractive" and I think Atcham is both mentally ill and yet self aware enough to know that whatever Ecaflip is doing to Kerubim is abusive, AND that he wants to be treated the same way.

At this moment of the playlist's timeline, Atcham doesn't yet hate Kerubim, and has not yet adopted "fuck everyone, I ball" mentality of killing anyone who doesn't like him, so there isn't much he's doing to cope with The Horrors.

6. weevildoing - i want a lobotomy

This is a vent song by weevildoing and 1. it's a bit of a bop, 2. it fits the theme of Atcham's slipping mental health well. I think it shows a very good steady decline going on, with the songs getting progressively darker.

7. GHOST - Человек (Chelovek)

The only words said in the entire song are "I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING"

This is a very raw and angry sound, and in a way I think it expresses that while Atcham is getting more mentally ill, there is something else happening: "This isn't fair."

Which I think that's a very major life-changing realization for kids who have been abused since a very young age to go through.

8. Amanda Palmer - The Killing Type

Another big song for his character arc in this playlist, showing the development of a certain kind of blood thirst.

"I couldn't kill to save a life,

I'd rather die a peaceful piece of shit, bait, shame-filled coward, thanks,

I'm not the killing type —

but I would kill to make you feel.

I don't mean kill someone for real!"

I also think that at this point he still wants to have a good relationship with Kerubim, who is actively avoiding him for his social reputation + for Ecaflip to like him more. And Atcham would really like Kerubim to feel some sympathy for him.

But also he does want to beat the shit out of him. And many other people. There is a lot of repressed rage about to come out.

9. Abuseken - Um, Ren-kun?

Another shared song with the Kerubim playlist: "This is a special type of song I add to playlists - a "vibe-builder". This song might not fit a character, but it expresses story ideas of Kerubim and Atcham being badddd to each other, because the entire song is two people going "I'm going to kms because you don't love me" "Good I think you should in fact kys" at one another, which is entirely how I think they talked to each other at the tail end of still being on talking terms when they were kids."

10. Pinocchio-P - Isn't it "A"

Another shared song with the Kerubim playlist: "The last song is very "Kerubim and Atcham" /neg, while this one portrays a conflict between two people in a less mentally ill way, exploring that neither is right and that both are looking at the world with different opinions that may or may not be the same opinion viewed in a different light. I thought it might be important to use this song to reiterate my belief that in this situation, there is no right or wrong side."

11. NILFRUITS - Arandano

This song is literally "you bullied me into wanting to hurt and maim people bc nobody ever helped me. And 'm like... really passionate about hurting and maiming even as an adult now. so who's the loser, pussy?"

12. Abuseken - Iesu

A very vibe-based song with many interpretations ngl. The way the Abuseken has explained it in a very literal way is: "it's about a girl who sacrifices her sister to some higher power, maybe a god, to get back her leg."

But there are many ways one can interpret it in a Deeper way: It's about religious trauma. It's about hating your body and feeling jealousy of others. It's about wanting someone else to take your place and suffer instead. It's about adolescence and puberty and discovering you are into some things that make you feel like a pervert and a horrible person. AND this song is about wanting to kill your sister. This song has Multitudes.

(A lot of Abuseken's songs are about being queer, religion, self-discovery, sexuality, abuse, shame, and trauma — big recommendation in general. The songs by this person are way too obscure.)

I think this song, compared to "The Killing Type" shows a bit of a slippage into freakdom. He IS the killing type and isn't in denial about it anymore, even if there is shame.

13. Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika)

When I finally finish my Atcham fic, I will name it after this song. In the context of this playlist, it's about the sadness that comes from hating your brother who abandoned you, whom you used to love.

14. Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks

Yes, the mass murder song from The Memes.

My playlist has the somber synthwave cover. (I really like the cold detachment of the singer in the synthwave cover. )

I like to think that the reason Atcham left the orphanage is related to him becoming dangerous/violent towards other kids, and this song explores the themes of abuse and poverty that might push someone to want to do this to other kids.

15. Dobuno Awa - The Bad Taste From Leaving Things To Others

This song seems like a horror one, but after listening to it multiple times my personal interpretation boils down to "someone trying to break up despite seething and coping with anger trying NOT to tell the person they're breaking up with "kys" and "im gonna kms"."

I think that after Kerubim stopped being friends with him and Atcham grew to hate him, Atcham either had a whole speech guilting him and saying that their brotherly friendship is Over and Done, and why it's over and done, exactly, and how Kerubim is a terrible person, but it's ok — despite very clearly seething; OR Atcham tried to attack him, and it made Ecaflip boot him from the orphanage.

Basically: it's a song about trying to mask the depth of your despair and anger at someone, at the end of a relationship.

16. Shitoo - Nonsensical Noise

I don't post about it often, but I do think that while he was a kid/teen, Atcham was probably suicidal and doing SH.

This song is about being exactly those two thing, but finding the meaning of life in something other than approval of others or relationships, and surviving using whatever method it takes. It's both very nihilistic, and very powerful in terms of "life is meaningless, and your death would mean nothing. And you should live anyway in a world like this."

In this playlist, it reflects the transition Atcham undergoes from "active suicide risk" to "well, dying means that The Haters win and I need to kill them first + life is worth living because of my swords, and tasty meals, and warm bed"

17. attwn park - Mime

A bit of a vibe-building song. It doesn't mean Atcham the best, but it does reflect a deep sense of betrayal at some person, and coming to terms with it in a less emotional way — going from the screamy, sad vocals of Laika to a more cold "you never even looked at me, did you? And yet you talk of love in your lyrics..."

18. Nine Inch Nails - Somewhat Damaged

(The version in my playlist is my favorite live performance of this song because Trent Reznor screams in this version more and sexier. Anyway.)

The next level of Atcham's Kerubim Hater progression. He IS into killing people now, and he DOES hate Kerubim, and he thinks himself as stupid for not getting to this stage faster.

19. K.Flay - Hustler

While the last song illustrates him getting the biggest level up in Kerubim haterdom ever, I do feel the need to musically reiterate that, despite everything, he does, sadly, still love Kerubim in some way. So, a sad song it is. Especially with the song's Gambling allusions being very ecaflippy.

The reason this is important to me is that both Aux Tresors and the Movie imply that Atcham is a very self-aware person about his emotions and relationship with Kerubim — and just chooses to do this insane shit anyway. Like he says, "I need someone to blame (even though I know he isn't at fault)."

20. The Buttress - Brutus

I don't even know how to explain the level of insanity this song makes me feel so you should just listen to it.

I think this song is good for illustrating the love Atcham had left going in the "I need to kill him. So bad. I need to make him into a fucking coat." direction, finally, as a concrete decision.

ADULTHOOD PART:

21. K.Flay - Hollywood Forever

The transition between "he's in orphanage" and "he's in brakmar going through horrors" is very fluid and nonexistent in the childhood/adolescence part of the playlist, because ngl, he wasn't having fun in either of the situations. But this song marks a stark shift, in a way.

This song is to me, Atcham's adult self finally shining through. This song is about losing oneself and it's so giddy about it. He finds a sort of happiness in a situation that is bad, because it's still better than what it used to be. Going from being a loser, to hiding behind a persona of someone dangerous.

22. Vundabar - Alien Blues

Like a lot of songs on this playlist, this has some themes of dehumanization and body dysmorphia, but is more focused on themes of isolation. I don't think Atcham has any friends closer than "drinking buddies", even if he's doing better than ever. Because trusting people is scary.

23. K.Flay - You Felt Right

This song is about a bad relationship, and reminiscing. I think that Atcham has had some romatnic and platonic relationships in his life, — but a lot of people just took advantage of him (he's in Brakmar, for god's sake 😞), or liked him just because he seemed very mentally ill and ~weird looking~

It's also about feeling a sense of power and being able to advocate for yourself.

(And yeah, Kerubim is also included in the long list of "people who took advantage of Atcham's trust" type relationships. I really think he spent weeks or months trying to gaslight him into believing there was no rift between them and that he wasn't avoiding or abandoning him, while badmouthing him behind his back.)

24. K.Flay - Champagne

While Kerubim's playlist is FULL of songs about trying to numb pain using substances and relationships, I think Atcham also used this to cope — to a somewhat lesser degree.

What I like about this song is how slow it starts out, and how by the end it's going at breakneck speed as K.Flay screams the lyrics out while choking on her breath.

I think that unlike Kerubim, who numbs himself habitually and is kinda sadly successful at it, Atcham's thoughts are very loud and he can't escape or numb it, even though sometimes he tries. And unlike Kerubim, the literal first song about substance abuse on his playlist states outright "I need something to make me feel nothing" instead of hiding behind anything else.

25. Mother Mother - Oh Ana

There are a lot of lyrics about fake divinity and playng god, as well as gambling which is so good. Also, there is SH in this song, which is also very Atchamcore.

"Ana" that is being sang about is, hehe, an idealized, soft view of Kerubim that he still can't let go of.

26. Modest Mouse - March Into The Sea

It's about being mistreated and treated like garbage, it's about a one-sided relationship, it's about begging for it to end or to get better. I don't even know how to explain it without making a wholeass animatic. While lyrics like "well, treat me like the sea, oh-so salty and mean, ahaha! Well treat me like disease, like the rats and the fleas" and "Well discard whom you please, like the leaves off a tree!" are very Atcham-core, especially @ Kerubim, something that makes me go insane every time is this:

(foams at mouth) He feels like this about having a good relationship. I think he still feels this way by Waven times. His attachment style is soooo fearful-avoidant. It's crazy. I think being loved with no ulterior motive or judgement feels like drowning to him.

Basically, I think this song is a certified "Atcham Yearning For A Good Relationship" beat.

27. GHOST - SCAPEG8AT

This song is so Atchamcore in a positive and self-confident way, it's fucking crazy. A lot of earlier songs are insecure, or self-hating. Just look at "Disposable Girl"

While this...

This is a very good song about finding self-confidence after abuse. I think this is the view of himself Atcham takes on his most mentally well days ngl. Good for him!

28. Ferry - слова (words)

I'm pretty sure this song is about inter-sibling hatred, folks. And this one is very self-aware (Atcham self-awareness agenda is important to me).

"you're shitfaced

maybe you miss dad

but i don't

barely swallowing smoke, you make a joke

it's not funny at all

it's so easy to wish death upon you

it's so easy to wish you harm

it's so easy,

but those are just words"

29. Andrew Jackson Jihad - Brave As a Noun

Compares mass murder and making amends with loved ones to similar level of emotional difficulty. Despite everything, I do think Atcham is a coward. Which is why he'd rather kill Kerubim than try and like, talk, despite knowing it is an option.

It takes a singular very angry 10 year old child to talk some sense into him.

30. SODIKKEN - Gretel

It is a mirror of the song "Hansel" by SODDIKEN which is on Kerubim's playlist. It is pretty much abut being treated like a freak because of your looks, and having no friends, and even your family being your enemies.

It's also a very soft, honest, and kind song about how much this Sucks. (as kind as "when you die and go to hell, give my brother a big smother-hug, ok? ❤" can be, lyrics-wise, fhdgjsdfg), which is a rarity for this playlist.

I like soft Atcham moments. Gives him a bit of a gap moe.

31. DECO*27 & Pinocchio-P - (Not) a Devil

Another shared song with the Kerubim playlist: "The version in my playlist is a cover, because I think the subs there are beautiful than the subs on the official upload of the song.

I think "angel who is being choked by purity and trying to appear better" and "demon who is trying to appear angelic" is a very good aesthetic for Kerubim and Atcham. Two opposites that are more similar than one might think.

I think this kinda fits because after the divorce and growing old, Kerubim and Atcham start actively beefing again due to going to a war AND due to Atcham trying to kill him in Astrub."

32. Maretu - Pink

The version on my playlist is Micchi's english cover which is sooo good.

It's violent, it's about thinking you're punishing bad guys and doing good things by hurting people, and it is also vaguely kind of intensely Enthusiastic and Passionate about the whole killing people thing. Very Atchamcore.

33. Pinocchio-P - God-ish

In Japanese, saying that something is godlike is a common way to praise someone, and this song is heavily satirizing trends and online culture.

I think this fits with some of deeper thoughts Atcham might have on the way people look up at heroes like Kerubim; at their demigodhood; and his self-awareness of the fact that he's a hater and hates his brother for reasons that are as shallow as the reasons for which people like him for. And that in a way, both he, and those people, deify Kerubim.

34. Vane - BUTCHER VANITY

I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY I'M CRAZY IM CRAZY

He loves his brother a lot.

"To not forgibe you, rigor mortis, mold and mildew" <- soooo atcham's feelings on their childhood conflict coded.

35. Vane - higanbana milk tea

Another good Kerubim & Atcham song. Such a good hater song for one's family members. One thing I really like and think about a lot if how little of a shit Atcham gives about Kerubim dying for the first time. "Aww man you took my kill. Oh well" level reaction, which really fits this songs "Eh, I'm just glad you're fucking dead XD" lyrics. (Yes we're entering the Dofus Movie part of this chronological playlist.)

36. VocaCircus - Déjà Vu

Another song shared with the Kerubim playlist: "A song about cyclical relationships. I think it fits Kerubim and Atcham well, esp with them meeting once again in the movie. (Albeit not for long…)"

37. weevildoing - Splitter Girl

In my opinion, the entire playlist builds to this. It is an ultimate Atcham character song. There is no other song to me that describes him better.

In part, this song is so late in the playlist because it serves as a good book end, collecting everything that makes Atcham himself in it.

A prideful front; deification of violence; self-harm being refered to as something sweet but not enough to satisfy the urge to hurt people; and the reluctant admittance that at the center of fetishization of hurting people is a principle of "BEFORE THEY DO IT TO ME AGAIN"

Another reason this song is so late in the playlist is my most favorite thing about this song: It is actually a perfect Atcham&Joris song, especially in the context of the movie.

38. koyori - Solitary Hide-and-Seek

(putting on tinfoil hat) Continuing the theme of "songs that make me insane if I think about them in the terms of Atcham's character development in the movie" — I'M CRAZY GRRR. Atcham is an unwanted child. And this entire song is a child that is unloved trying to entertain herself, before seeing a child she is envious of — realizing that it is who her parents wish they had. And Atcham knowssss that Ecaflip and literally everyone else likes Kerubim more and that not much of value would be lost if he was never born.

And the dream sequence where she plays with how she imagines her parents to have been as kids — such a moment of yearning and innocence immediately after something so fucking insaneee. I think at his core, behind all "i need to make kerubim into a coat" what Atcham would like the most is something simple and happy. Like, haha. Hide-and-Seek.

and after this whole character study of "man nobody likes me for real. i wish i could be happy with people i love but who don't love me. there's always someone they would prefer to me", comes this song's ending, where the child finally gets love and it's described that feeling as so warm that it's hurting to hold in your hands.

So, my psionic crepinjurgenite warriors, imagine post-death kitten Atcham being hugged by Joris and groomed by Kerubim and his reaction being "[freezes up and tears up before running away]"

39. attwn park - Piñata and I

IM INSANE IM CRAZZZYYYY INSANE ASYLUM.

This is the second runner up for "the most important Atcham character song in this entire playlist" which is why I am also linking it.

Unlike Splitter Girl, it's not about violence. It's about like, 20-40 other very important atchamcore things: loss of family and self-loathing and other-people loathing.

The PV includes a lot of people who have picture frames for their heads, and at times all of these people have mourning bands on them, pointing to the fact that protag's family is dead. Atcham and Kerubim's entire family, which is implied to be Very Big, is also literally dead.

The song starts out with the protagonist buying herself a cake to celebrate her birthday, "bought to make herself feel better". She thinks on her struggles fitting in, being a bad adult, "I just want to be loved as I am"

"He's become an adult who's thrown away his dignity, name, and logic — But do you even want to see me as a human being as it is?" <- ATCHAMCORE LYRIC. People dehumanize him for the things he does, but does he owe others "good behaviour" just to be treated as a human being?

The solution the protagonist has is reminiscence, self-hatred, and memories of beating a pinata, and trying to turn back time. Atcham's solution is pretty much the same, except instead of beating up a pinata he wants to make a coat out of his brother. The song asks a very logical question about this sort of coping mechanism: "Are you truly satisfied with this?"

What drives me even more insaner is the praying segment. "Grant them eternal rest, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them." because I do think that between the two of them, Atcham is the one who is more dead-family focused (because Kerubim never allows himself to think about sad shit)

This song's ending perfectly describes Atcham's death in the movie, to me, and how it feels emotionally:

"My today is the tomorrow that the person who died yesterday longed for."

40. Hanyuu Maigo - Aun Beats

Another song shared with the Kerubim playlist: "Listening to this song and thinking about Atcham dying in Kerubim and Joris’s arms in the movie is just as emotionally devastating as listening to this song and thinking about the 48487538 years of separation between Qilby and Shinonome, or The Situation between Nora and Efrim.

This song has done a lot for doomed siblings economy, despite not being about siblings and instead the concept of doom itself."

Also I guess I'll take this moment to elaborate a lil: "I want you to forgive me" <- maddening; "I really wanted to go back earlier, but now is okay too" <- maddening; "We were going to be together forever... Don't worry, it's a wonderful end for us both" <- maddening; "I wanted to hear those words from you" <- maddening.

To me this is a certified "we wasted 70-90 years of our lives on beefind and hating each other. All those years that we could have been having a normal relationship. All those years we could have shared. Wasted. Even if we're immortal we'll never get that normal relationship we could have had when we were in the mortal age-range back." kerubim&atcham beat.

41. 4o / TadanoCo - Dear Me

I have a disease that makes me add this song to playlists of characters who were bullied as kids, or were in other violently abusive situations. It's very easy to lose posession of even your own self worth after that, and I really like how this song explores that.

It's a very realistic song about healing, basically. My crazy opinion is that 1. Atcham will never be normal (good), 2. he sometimes gets downright sick while thinking about everything that happened but it's alright. he has people who love him. And he will just sleep it off.

42. Faded Paper Figures - Relatively

Song shared with both Kerubim AND Joris playlists: "A general crepinjurgen-core song that touches on the theme of their relationship lasting forever."