#I'm empty without you

[girlwithletters]

I'm empty without you

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x you/ femReader /Minna/ or whoever you want

Warnings: I do not know. Does anyone need a warning?

"My hand, without your hand, like a flower without fragrance.

My lips without your lips are like dawn without dew.

I'm empty without you, like the seas without water.”

Left-right, left-right, left-right. My legs did their work automatically despite my fatigue, which covered my body like an invisible shroud. I could barely keep my eyes open, not even the lights shining in the darkness of the street made it easier. It was three o'clock in the morning, and besides me, a few lonely passers-by were hurrying home or wherever they had to go. The weather wasn't in my favor either, I couldn't even see my nose in the thick fog. As if I were blind, I tripped over a piece of concrete.

And which was the peak of peaks... Valentine's Day was getting closer, and at my workplace, in a cafe, more and more couples in love appeared wanting to cuddle. I didn't hate this day, I just had bad memories of it. I don't like it, huh! My cell phone rang in the depths of my bag, and I stopped right where I was, digging into my bag up to my elbows. I completely forgot about research, I didn't hear the roar of the fast approaching engine. It appeared practically out of nowhere, and the wind caused by the two-wheeler blew me away. I found myself on the hard asphalt, my head hit hard, the contents of my bag scattered in all directions of the world.

The worried face of the tall figure cast a spell before me. Maybe from the world of fairy tales? The dark prince on the machine horse.

- My God! Are you okay? - he knelt down to me. His deep voice even made me swoon, it hit me like a lightning strike, just like his touch. The furrows of his fingertips burned tortuous labyrinths into my skin through my clothes, his brown eyes darkening even more with worry. My God! That face is too familiar! My stomach clenched like a ball, and my heart jumped up and down alternately.

- Yes, thank you - I would have gotten up, but he didn't go alone. He reached under my arm, supported my back and willingly helped. His touch burned, and I expected my clothes to end up like ashes next to my shoes. Just like long ago, maybe back in the Stone Age, on those wonderful nights in Madrid. He was JB, i.e. Jude Bellingham, a football player of the Real Madrid football team. But I didn't want to think about the feelings of that time, so I escaped from the biker's arms. I made a hasty decision, I felt dizzy. I would have fallen backwards, but he caught me and pulled me to his chest. Our faces were millimeters apart, I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. He didn't remain indifferent to my proximity either, his dilated pupils and increased breathing showed it. I suddenly pushed him away, but pain shot through my elbow. I caught it, my palm touched a bloody wound.

- Minna! You're hurt! - the cry burst from Jude's throat.

- It's nothing, it just needs a patch - I shrugged, but then I hissed, my sensitive joints indicated the problem.

- It's nothing! - he disparaged, his forehead covered in a sea of ​​wrinkles, while he stroked my side looking for painful areas. The fog couldn't hide the redness of my face, and he noticed it too. - You are still beautiful! - his mouth stretched into a smile, his gaze fixed on my lips. Will you kiss me? My eyes closed involuntarily. The silent spell between us was broken by a screeching brake.

- Is something wrong? - an unknown man ran up to us.

- Nothing happened, I just tripped and fell - I tried to reassure him. I bent down for my scattered things, tried to avoid sudden movements.

- He should be seen by a doctor - Jude's worried voice made me look at him more carefully. Nothing has changed. He towered almost a head and a half above me, his long legs covered in jeans and his broad shoulders in a leather jacket. For a moment, our eyes merged again, we even forgot about the people standing next to us.

- No need, no problem! - I protested.

- Then let me bandage your wounds - Like before, I couldn't resist his request, no matter what it was. - Come! - And I willingly followed him to his motorcycle, then looked in amazement at the other crash helmet conjured up from somewhere. - I always have one more, just in case…

I hugged his waist and sat on the motorcycle behind him. A thousand thoughts were swirling in my head, so I didn't even look where we were going. We stopped at a house closed off from the outside world and prying eyes by a high fence, the electric gate slammed shut behind us. Jude greeted the security man who suddenly appeared with just a nod, then pressed the lock key into his hand.

- Whose house is this?- I turned to him.

- Mine. I bought it back then... - When we were still together, I added in my mind. Would this palace have been there for 2 years? - But... Why didn't you sell it? - Silently, without answering, he went through the door, I hastily followed him. He sat me down in what looked like a living room. I looked around curiously until he came back with the first aid kit.

- It will sting a little - Jude broke the silence as he approached my elbow with the antiseptic cotton. A bit? I'm going to scrape the wall! Biting my bottom lip hard, I tried to stifle my hiss. Failed. - I'm sorry.

- It didn't hurt at all - The waves of his laughter bounced off the walls, my sensitive ears greeted him as familiar. A pleasant shiver ran through me. - Please, Jude! Do not do it!

- What? - Those wonderful brown eyes widened in a moment of wonder, then narrowed to slyness in recognition. The vibrations coming from him and his touch made the muscles of my body twitch in wailing. The pounding of my heart in my chest shifted into a higher gear. - My Dear! Just give me one, one kiss! - he sighed into my mouth, sucking the air and my remaining energy from him. - Just one - That's all i want, just one. Nothing else.

I, too, could never count well.

When he kissed me, everything stopped. Involuntarily, I wrapped my arms around his neck, helplessly succumbing to the attacks of his lips.

- Jude, let's stop it! - I gasped for air. - This is not allowed, it is not right.

- Why? - he clung to me again, his hand on my back, then he grabbed my bottom and pulled me to him, his erection giving bright evidence of how much he wanted. His mouth was already on the hunt for my neck, burning a glistening trail of saliva into my skin. - Mine! You're mine! - he bit my shoulder, marking me with his teeth. By tomorrow, my skin will surely heal. - Only mine!

- Don't! - I moaned one last time, protesting a little.

As much as I had decided earlier that I would not give in, I must admit that I collapsed at the touch of him.

I clung to him tightly, wrapping my legs around his waist without thinking.

In the next moment, already in the semi-darkness of the bedroom, I felt the soft material of the blanket on my naked back, the possessive grip of his fingers on my hips, his satisfied growl in my ear.

- I missed you! - I heard his choked, wheezing voice later. - Every night I dreamed that you were lying next to me. Then, startled, I looked around and you were nowhere to be found. I'm empty without you.

- I love you, honey! - I leaned over him, he pulled me down by the back of my head.

( just the usual : english is not my first language )

[baker-chan-senpai]

dumb doodles

merry christmas, people

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

So, uh, to recap on the ladies of Andor, the pinnacle of progressive writing according to internet consensus:

Bix: After her character consisting only of "good at mechanics", formerly crafty (in the first Ferrix arc) and "traumatised", Bix gains a new character trait this arc - helpless rage and ✨✨✨drug addiction✨✨✨! Goodie. I'm so mad at this arc for her. We never see this woman happy independent of her trauma. We see her make happy for men - the shopkeep, Cassian occasionally, Brasso and co. in the first arc - but the only time we get an unobserved smile is when she gets her big Girlboss Yay Feminism revenge. And the featurette has everyone going "oh this is her moment", "this scene is about her" - IT'S NOT!! It's about Gorst! It's more trauma porn! Her happiness and functionality once again are dependent on men! She couldn't save herself from her trauma - she needed Cassian to help her get the drop on Gorst (and let's ignore how fucking improbable all that is for a moment, how does he even know where Gorst is???), and her happiness is fully dependent on Gorst living or dying. Her character does not EXIST without him this season. Why do we only ever see her take charge of her life to kill her abusers? The only other positive thing she's done for her life this whole season is to clean up the apartment, and she was doing that to *checks notes* hide her drug habit from her overprotective boyfriend. Feminism!! Please don't read this as an indictment of people struggling to cope with trauma, or substance abuse - I'm just so tired of everyone acting like this is such an uplifting, empowering narrative for this character, because I really, really, really don't see it.

Bringing up Maarva and Kerri as people Cassian failed to protect and nothing else is so telling. That's not even what happened! He was abducted as a child, he didn't abandon his sister, and what was he going to save Maarva from? Old age?? But that's their whole narrative purpose to the writers I guess...

Mothma: Well, I know the constant political downward trajectory is her whole thing, but we really spend the whole arc seeing her do nothing but failing to convince other politicians (mostly men) of anything and being made to look like a fool for even bothering. So far all we've given her this season is being too soft and emotional (which, by the way, is why it's a little odd to me they're pinning the same thing on Cassian - why do we need this narrative redundancy here?). And her one "big moment" (read: over thirty seconds of uninterrupted talking) she gets to have this arc is either a front for Kleya's and Luthen's business or a pointless and reckless lashing out at Krennic's overt imperialism and propaganda.

Dedra: Yeah, she's holding all the strings, but in a weird way, her whole narrative is dependent on Syril now, and I have a bad feeling this is all leading up to him being butthurt about being used. It's a great spy storyline, but just like Mothma's part, great as it is, in combo with the deeply uncool treatment of Bix, it starts to feel like an unfortunate pattern.

Cinta: I actually liked her scenes a lot! Especially the scene in the café - it had an interesting ambiguity, for a moment there I was wondering if Cinta was running Vel, getting back with her to keep her on track on someone's orders. I think I may be giving the script too much credit here, given how weirdly stilted the other two romances were handled this arc it might have rather been a case of "the writer really thinks lovers talk that way". But even if it was an accident, I think that would be an interesting feature in the show, because they're the one couple who genuinely seem to be compatible and on the same page about what they want! And I get that they were making a point to get her killed so uselessly, by friendly fire, on accident. But man, this show refuses to give a woman happiness, even for the span of a timeskip. Whenever any of the ladies seems happy or get something she wants for herself, you can already be sure she's about to die or have something incredibly heinous happen to her immediately after. And the execution of that scene pissed me off, because if that scuffle had even just been relocated to the tunnel entrance, I would have bought it. But no, they're in a really wide, mostly empty alleyway, the blaster was mostly pointed at a wall and trapped between the two men wrestling for it, and you don't even see anyone being close behind them, and yet Cinta not only manages to get hit but instantly killed - what are the fucking chances? And yes, it's a metaphor, but again, with the overall bad aftertaste, it feels targeted and cruel at this point. With how little we got to see of Cinta, it really made her death seem like an afterthought. Like Brasso, this could have packed a punch, but we knew so little about her and had seen her even less, so it just fell flat.

My only positives(ish):

Vel: Her character is really growing on me! She has such a nice, well-executed, subtle development compared to most other characters on this show. She's clearly learned from Aldhani, and she's learning from Mothma and Luthen, too, and her resentment at the life she's leading is so beautifully expressed by her last scene: The greatest punishment she can imagine is recruitment to her cause. Because that's what she's doing to this guy. Recruitment. This is on you forever, this is all your life is now, you owe me and everyone whatever you have to make up for this. That's so heartbreaking, and so real. Am I pissed that Vel is constantly and pointedly denied happiness at absolutely every turn? Yeah! But at least for her, it feels like there is a little more agency, because she chose this life, even though she clearly has options. For her, it feels a little more tragic and narratively weighty, and less like a pointless onslaught of misery.

Kleya: I love her so much. And I could (and should) point out that it feels a little shallow to have her be completely reduced to "being the only competent person among men who are losing their shit at all times". We know nothing else about her, other than that she is Girlboss(TM). But, unlike with Bix, we actually see her be outstandingly competent completely on her own merit all the time, and even though the script neglects her, too, there is an implication that she has actively and deliberately sacrificed the rest of herself to be this spymaster - instead of the writers simply forgetting to give her anything more. And I just think Elizabeth Dulau is KILLING IT. In a weird way, Kleya is giving me the power fantasy that most Star Wars gave to little boys. It's not exactly a win for feminism - it's yet another flavour of "women can either be competent and powerful OR express their emotions and be vulnerable with people" - but I do have a soft spot for her, and her moment at the exhibition was the tensest shit I've seen this whole season. Nothing more gripping so far than watching this woman attempt to turn a screw.

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

Kaveh is like this close to committing a sin with Mehrak, like he's playing a really dangerous game. It's just a matter of time Mehrak gets even more sentient when it's already this far. I know Kaveh keeps it in check, but man... I hope they'll talk about this one day. Either that or Kaveh will always brush it off, as if he didn't get some ancient core to build it??? Also, I always love your thoughts, thanks for loving these two so much!

hiya! thank you for your ask! i'm so glad you enjoy my posts :") <3 Mehrak’s existence is so ??? funny to me. we have tighnari’s story quest detailing the akademiya’s ban on research into mechanical lifeforms, directly alongside kaveh building his own mechanical lifeform and parading it around, sending it on solo coffee retrieving missions whilst everyone in sumeru looks on smiling <3

Mehrak’s legality hasn’t been mentioned at all in-game as of now, and as it’s been used consistently, both in kaveh’s hangout, a parade of providence, and now nahida’s birthday event, with not one mention of legality or potential trespasses, makes it seem that that’s how things will stay - especially since Cyno has met/is aware of mehrak’s existence during the battle scene during a parade of providence (then again, cyno did meet the wanderer during this event, and yet in nahida’s birthday event it seems he’s only HEARD of the wanderer through sethos??) but even then, since Cyno trusts Tighnari with karkata’s continued existence, it’s likely not a stretch to say that to Cyno, Kaveh can be trusted with Mehrak’s existence (it’s all very iffy)

Mehrak’s existence, overall, has had little focus other than its usage in battle, its official introduction in a parade of providence, where kaveh stipulates it has low intelligence, and was built to assist him, as well as being incapable of talking back and giving him ‘attitude’ (implicitly comparing mehrak to alhaitham), and in kaveh’s hangout when he works on designing a building. It’s only in recent events, such as cyno’s second story quest, and now in nahida’s birthday event, that mehrak has gotten more mentions, and now a spotlight, which is all in relation to coffee, tying back to alhaitham and kaveh’s improved relationship (the coffee analysis will be in the updated essay finally!!). as of right now, overall, mehrak doesn’t appear to be a major focus

It might be strange for the game to mention now that mehrak has been an illegal creation all this time, unless it’s a significant plot point that has to be resolved, but if mehrak is further explored, like in the temple of silence for example (hoyoverse I am once again asking), then perhaps this collective ignoring of a crime occurring will be explained away, if mentioned at all? It’s interesting that tighnari says it might be possible that this ban is reversed in the future, but as for whether that will actually happen, and the implications of this, aren’t clear

Mehrak’s accepted existence in general poses so many questions. I’m interested in the specifics of the ban, like does it depend on the autonomy of the machine in question? Abattouy aimed to make Karkata essentially human, capable of individual thought, processing, emotion, and conversation, which definitively broaches on the intersection of mechanical and biological life which caused the Akademiya to ban this type of research in the first place. So if a machine is able to act on its own, irrespective of human interference, then this is what the akademiya would want to prevent

In mehrak’s case, it’s unclear as to what its limits are, but from what has been shown so far, it seems that mehrak can only act on kaveh’s commands and when held in battle – it’s uncertain rn whether mehrak can act independently of this, but as kaveh invented it to only assist in certain matters, it’s doubtful. But then again, we don’t have a great scope of whether it can experience emotions, as it has shown signs of being distressed in a parade of providence when kaveh states that it can’t talk back, and when being scolded by kaveh in nahida’s birthday event

if mehrak has limited intelligence, it's interesting to compare mehrak with karkata. abattouy was attempting to make karkata understand human language, and be able to respond in order to have conversation, which was proved impossible, whereas although mehrak only speaks in beeps, kaveh is shown to have a thorough understanding of what it’s saying? Mehrak can be programmed to recognise people’s voices, but seemingly also language, as mehrak can obey spoken command, which is what abattouy tried to accomplish but was unable to with modern technology.

Mehrak, on the other hand, understands kaveh’s basic requests – which is made even funnier in kaveh’s old sketchbook, where he says that more than anything he really wants mehrak to understand what he’s saying. he got his wish but at what cost???

Mehrak being made from ancient technology, belonging to that of king deshret’s civilisation, offers many interesting paths that could be explored in future events, as besides the primal constructs roaming around, the puzzles in the desert, and now the temple of silence, no technology really exists from that time. Someone commented that mehrak’s presence in nahida’s birthday event, in conjunction with the event being based around ancient technology with the wedjat eye, could be highlighting mehrak’s irregularity in modern day sumeru – potentially foreshadowing for a future event that could further expand upon mehrak? If this is the case, I am all for it, there are so many questions concerning kaveh’s little light <3

[tapakah0]

do u know cass personally? or is this a tumblr friendship? cuz its the most wholesome thing ive seen in my life

I don't even know their real name ~ But if I will be told that I have an extra liver, I will know at the exact same second to whom give it.

[originalartblog]

Dear new followers,

Change your avatar, put anything in your title! Did you know that when lurking here, you can just hit the reblog (two arrows) button to keep a copy of the post/art on your blog and turn your blog in a scrapbook of stuff you liked? It works a lot better than just liking a post and makes people who post stuff happy! (you can also search your blog to see those posts again later that way!)

And if you made a side blog to be active on instead, know that your main blog is the visible one in follow and like notifications, so make sure to check that too!

[skeletoninthemelonland]

In case it hasn't been made clear, Behind The Codes is not a horror series. Despite having some disturbing themes, it doesn't focus on them the same way FNAF games did.

[theghostbunnie]

You wouldn't get it I'm literally a pinkycord shipper in a fluttershy x discord world...

[uncanny-tranny]

I was told by someone that I couldn’t call myself a transsexual because I had to go off T for health reasons and I haven’t had any gender affirming surgeries yet since I’m poor and disabled. Is this true? What are like, the requirements to be a transsexual? /gen

The requirements to be transsexual: to identify as transsexual

This might seem too... straightforward, but genuinely, medical transition is so complex and individual that it's worthless to make it so ridged. There are so many reasons you have to stop some aspect(s) of transition, even if you didn't want to! That doesn't mean you never transitioned or that it's "lesser" now that you stopped.

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I, for one, couldn't care less if you call yourself a transsexual. To my mind, it is as political as it is an identity. Being a transsexual isn't just about your identity but also your place in this world. "Transsexual menace" isn't just a cutesy little slogan but a political battle cry. It can be an attitude about changing sex, about the lucid and plastic nature of people, and so much more.

The word transsexual was made and popularized, honestly, with the idea that we are separate from others. I think we can take this back and make it ours. We can start by actually making it our own, not the cis world's own.

[insert-clever-username-1133]

caring is more important than kindness btw

[kaikaikarasu]

I realize I have a very specific type in people thanks to Karasu

[forcedhesitation]

I MISSED THIS ENTIRELY MY FIRST TIME AROUND....THIS IS SO DAMN PRECIOUS?!!

[apocalypticdemon]

hmm. spiraling. fun.

[thedreadvampy]

we got bullied by trackie-wearing 13 year olds at the beach, as you will do if you go around having fun in public

but they kept like. taking photos of us and being like EURGH GONNA POST THIS ON SNAPCHAT SO EVERYONE CAN CRINGE AT YOU and it's like ok a. why the fuck are you using Snapchat is it 2012? and also b. I don't go to your school? why the fuck would we care if the other 13 year olds think we're cringe? we are adults in our 30s with jobs and lives, it literally does not matter even one tiny bit what a teenager we don't know thinks of us???

but also it's so weird the power that the wee bams have which is entirely predicated on You Finding Them Annoying. like there is a thing that boys aged 10-14 are absolutely goddamn amazing at which is just being SO AGGRAVATING in a way that makes it difficult to remember that you don't actually have to care what they think like. at all.

they don't actually have power. if you move as if you might respond aggressively they almost always scatter and start harassing you from a distance because they are actually literally just children. they do not want to start a fight they know they'd both lose and be in trouble about. and legitimately if you are able to ignore them they will eventually get bored and wander off because they start to look stupid yelling into the void, and if there's one thing they can't cope with it's looking stupid.

(having said which, while they did eventually fuck off, the little shits stole my sock. initially they stole my boot then threw it at us but decided to keep the sock as a trophy. which like. ok man cool you got a sweaty sock from a mid-30s stranger? good for you I guess???)

but yeah it's frustrating how, despite the fact they're basically impotent embarrassing and desperate, the wee bams can fuck up your whole day just a bit. they also use the exact same tactics as police to do this.

[aoitakumi8148]

...𝓘𝓯 𝓘𝓽 𝓘𝓼 𝓦𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓷 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓦𝓮 𝓜𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓓𝓲𝓮, 𝓦𝓮 𝓢𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓐𝓽 𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓓𝓲𝓮 𝓣𝓸𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻.

[jonathanrook]

ohhhh i get it now. ***'* ****** * **** ** ***** ******* **** **** *** when i was literally put on this goddamned earth just to ******* ***