#I'm going to do something to get my mind off this shit

[heavyhitterheaux]

Touch Me, Tease Me (NSFW)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Pure filth with a sprinkle of fluff 🥰

Synopsis: One thing that you can always do is help Jack relax and turn his bad mood around

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

The time on your phone read 10:26 PM as you heard the front door open letting you know that your husband was back.

Urban had sent you a text about 45 minutes ago telling you that Jack was in a mood, but he couldn't figure out why and as much as he tried to get it out of him he couldn't. So, his next best option was to tell you in the hopes that you could get to the bottom of what was wrong and make him feel better. 

The bedroom door was open and Jack didn't even greet you as he walked in despite you speaking to him first.

“Hey babe.”

Instead, he simply slipped off his New Balances and laid on top of you with you letting out a yelp because you weren't expecting him to do so.

His head was on your chest as you wrapped your arms around him and he hugged you tighter.

“Hmm, smush? You wanna talk about it?” You asked him and he immediately shook his head no.

“Now you know we don't do that around here. We talk about how we're feeling so it doesn't cause a shitstorm later.” You said as you started playing in his hair.

Jack lifted his head to peek at you and you simply kissed his nose while giving him a small smile.

“So spill It.”

“I just missed my wife. I didn't want to do anything today.” He finally confessed as you pinched his cheek.

“You're so cute, but you're back now so you need to relax. Did you eat?”

“Yes. Urban made me.”

You made a note in the back of your mind to text him and thank him because knowing Jack and how busy he tends to get, it wouldn't be unlike him to forget to eat.

“Good and you aren't doing anything tomorrow so you can sleep.”

“Baby, we have six kids. What is sleep?” He asked while raising an eyebrow at you. 

“I… well I'll text Clay to see if he can take them out tomorrow so you can rest.”

“If you ask him he'll say yes. If I ask him, I'll have to go through my mom.”

“Jackman, you are so dramatic. Clay loves spending time with them.”

“Don't you remember last time? He dropped The triplets off 2 hours early.”

“Well yeah because they ate him out of a house and home.”

“They're going to summer camp because they can be fine all school year and the MINUTE that the last damn bell rings on the last day of school they act like we haven't fed them since birth. Talking about ‘daddy, I'm hungry’ when they ate less than 20 minutes ago. Fuck outta here. Need to start paying for groceries if they want to eat so damn much. In THIS economy!?”

You couldn't help but to bust out laughing, but you knew he was completely right.

“We'll worry about that when the time comes, but for now I need you to do something.” You replied as you played with his beard.

“What do you need babe?”

Before you answered him, you leaned forward to kiss him and he eagerly kissed you back.

“Get up, lock the door, and you need to lose your clothes. Now.”

Jack simply smirked before kissing you again and then he got up and made his way over to the door to lock it.

By the time he turned back around, you had lost all of your clothes and he was looking around dumbfounded.

“What the? How?”

“I literally wasn't wearing that much to begin with, now come on.” You laughed as you were now sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled him closer to you by the waistband of his sweatpants.

“Off now.” You told him as you tugged on them, but instead he slowly slipped his shirt off and threw it in the corner.

“You're teasing me and I don't think I like that very much.” 

All he did was smirk, but was caught off guard as you got his sweatpants and boxer briefs down in one swift motion and began stroking him.

“Shit, baby.”

“Do it again and I won't let you cum.”

Hearing this, Jack immediately put a hand around your neck stopping your movements. 

“It's honestly cute how you think you're in charge. You know better than that baby. I run this.”

“Hmm, we'll see.” You softly answered as he let go and you took him in your mouth, but suddenly had an idea.

You stopped and simply slid all the way up in the bed and Jack was looking at you confused.

“My dick isn't going to suck itself. What's going on, baby?” He asked as he was stroking himself and peering down at you.

“Sit in between my legs.”

From that moment forward, you knew he was at your mercy.

Kicking his sweatpants the rest of the way off, he did as he was told and his back was now leaning against your chest.

Your arms went around him as you leaned down to whisper in his ear.

“You always put me to sleep and now it's my turn to return the favor.”

All he did was lean his head back and you lightly kissed him while smirking.

You started kissing down his neck and snaked your hand around to continue stroking him. The precum was now leaking as you massaged the tip of his dick before continuing to move up and down the shaft.

“Oh fuck.” You heard Jack quietly say and he adjusted himself so that you would be able to have a better grip.

By now, he had simply closed his eyes and now had his head resting against your chest. He tried to move to the side to be able to put your pierced nipples in his mouth, but your movements immediately stopped.

“Stop moving, Jackman.”

“But…”

“Just be patient.”

He did as he was told as you continued pleasuring him because the last thing he wanted for you to do was stop again.

You lost count of how many love bites you left all over his neck, and knew that he wouldn't be complaining when the two of you were finished.

Soft moans and whimpers were leaving Jack's mouth every few seconds and you simply slowed down and quickly heard his protests.

“Baby, come on.”

“Hmm? What's wrong?” You asked, knowing exactly what the problem was.

“You know what you did. I was almost there.” He whined and you simply laughed to yourself.

“Now you know how it feels, huh?”

“Baby, let me fucking cum.” You heard as he tried to increase the pace of him moving in the palm of your hand.

“Or what?” You asked as you stopped completely.

He turned around to look at you and kissed the side of your mouth.

“Don't ask questions to the things you don't want the answer to. Your ass won't be able to walk tomorrow if you keep fucking playing with me.”

“Who said I wanted to walk tomorrow?”

Jack let out a light chuckle before turning back around.

“Famous last words.” He replied as he patted your thigh and knew that it was going to be a long night.

You spit in your hand before reaching back around and sped up the pace of you stroking him.

“Yes, baby. Keep fucking going. Be a good girl and make daddy cum.”

Not even a minute later, he released all over your hand and you kept stroking him as he rode out his high with you kissing him.

Between kisses you heard his moans and the stickiness between your thighs was becoming more evident and could no longer be ignored.

You two sat in silence as Jack got himself together before he flipped over to see you licking his cum off your hand making him get bricked up all over again.

“Mmm, tastes so good. And what were you saying about me not being in charge?” You asked as you looked at him hovering over top of you.

“Don't fucking start with me because we are nowhere near done.” He said as he slowly entered you.

“Oh shit.” You breathed out because you were caught off guard.

“Don't get scared now. Take this dick.” Jack said as he pounded into you and placed his hand around your neck.

“And if you're a good girl, I just might let you cum. Open your mouth.” 

Listening to instructions, you felt warm liquid hit the back of your throat.

“Swallow it.”

As you did, you smirked up at him which made him halt his movements and slide out of you.

“Turn around.”

Now on your knees with your head resting on your arms, you felt Jack's warm tongue as he started to eat you out from the back.

“Fuck, baby. It feels so good.”

A few minutes had passed and without warning, he abruptly stopped and slid into you.

“Arch that back and act like you want this.” You heard him say but not before there was a hard smack to your ass.

You did as you were told and knew that this wasn't stopping any time soon.

About an hour later, Jack was fast asleep on your chest as you played in his hair and you couldn't help but to laugh to yourself.

 

And as much shit as he talked, you still put his ass to sleep. 

[almightygremlinblob]

A Honey Trap For The Butterfly

Nanami Kento was everything you needed in a therapist, only as long as you ignored the sinking feeling in your gut.

Even tho there's nothing describing the act of s*x here, it's still a yandere fic - so minors and those not comfy with yandere stuff DNI and have a nice day! 🫶🏽

Word Count: (will update when life stops life-ing lmao)

⚠️Content Warnings⚠️: UNBETA'D, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Yandere!Therapist Nanami Kento, Gender!Neutral Reader (and no bits mentioned), Modern!AU, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Yandere, behaviour that SHOULD NOT be tolerated irl, Nanami says some very comforting shit to manipulate you, no curses.

⚠️Further Content Warnings⚠️️: Unhealthy power dynamics, HEAVY and subtle emotional manipulation, implied stalking, mention of sexual activities, professional boundaries are OUT the window.

When your gut tells you something is wrong, one tends not to believe it at first, and this causes you to dismiss any further warnings.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Sorry, I-I'm just..."

"There's no need to push. Only if you're ready."

"No, I-I'd like to."

Therapy was a tricky thing. There was the problem of getting the right medication for you. There was also the problem of finding the right therapist for you. Which is why some people - like you - search for a very a long time until you finally found one that clicked. Nanami Kento, who was practically everything you needed in a therapist.

"The nightmares are about your family, yes? They say nightmares are ways for the mind to release overwhelming emotions. Can you tell me more about them?"

"Y-yes, I...these nightmares are always the same. My family talking about me behind my back, it's...I feel alienated."

"Hm...it's no wonder these nightmares always coincide with upcoming family gatherings." He scribbles something down, and turns his full attention towards you. "If you're okay with sharing, what makes you think they're alienating you?"

"I...now that you mention it Doctor, it does seem to coincide, but...I-I don't believe I've mentioned...how did you-"

"Ah, it's just an observation." He waves his hand dismissively. "And I told you, you can call me Kento."

-------

"I-I'm so sorry!" You apologize profusely, embarrassed and just a little defeated when you turn up short at the cashier of your favorite coffee shop. There's a brisk walk, and someone familiar drops some change at the cashier for you. Though being payed for was a surprise, the person paying was not. It was Nanami, who you seemed to run into a lot. So much, that bumping into your therapist outside of your sessions was almost the norm. Something about living nearby.

"Oh, Doctor, I-I'm really sorry about this!"

"Oh don't fret, it was only a few bucks." He offers his hand. "Come, sit with me."

You're taken aback. It's not like you didn't WANT to. Nanami was a very attractive man; well built, broad shoulders, and such a handsome face. But, still, he was your therapist. There is a very faint alarm, all the way at the back of your mind, that makes you feel just a little bit uneasy at the proposal.

"A-are you sure this...I mean, i-is this okay?"

"Of course." When he intertwines his fingers with yours, his face and eyes and words are completely welcoming. Laced with nothing but care in order to hide the ugly side just waiting to devour you.

"It's just coffee."

-------

"I think last session was a very eventful one. You did a lot well this week. I'm quite proud of you." He says and hands you the paper for your medications. His warm and strong hands linger on top of yours. "See you for lunch after?"

-------

"I just can't believe they'd do that to me..." You try and keep yourself from crying any more. "They're my family. I shouldn't have to cut them off like this!"

"Hey, hey...I know it doesn't seem like it, but you made the right choice." Nanami gently cups your face with his hand. "I'm proud of you."

"It's okay. You'll be okay." His eyes go over to your lips, as he tilts your head to better align with his. The room suddenly feels awfully quiet, too constricting, when his lips meet yours.

-------

"I think I've come a long way." You sigh and laugh softly. "I'd like to celebrate but...I-I'm not sure how. I'd like to minimize my spending..."

"Well, I'd have to agree, you ARE making fantastic progress." He takes your hand in his. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to celebrate it with you. I have a few ideas we could try."

"Oh, of course!"

"Date night." He brings your knuckles to his lips. "Your apartment."

Nanami stayed over that night. Worshipped your body as if he was made for it. He was a wonderful lover but, the entire experience left you feeling wrong, somehow.

-------

"I don't know what to feel...I just...they're all dead. My family, they're all..." It was all too much, and Nanami wraps his arms around you. "I know what they did but, still, I..."

"Oh, love...it's okay. Let me handle everything; planning, funeral expenses. Everything."

"Kento, that...that's too much-"

"Nothing in the world is too much for you, my dear." He holds your face when you start to cry again. "I would do anything for you."

When he looks at you, his eyes show a devotion and adoration so strong it borders insanity. You'd never expect this 'gentle giant' to be the one that caused your family's deaths. It was nothing you've ever seen from him, and it unsettles you.

"Anything. You know that, right?" He seals it with kiss on the lips, just a bit too harsh, just a bit too possessive. "Stay here, with me - where you belong. Don't worry anymore."

"You're home now."

When your gut tells you something is wrong, one tends not to believe it at first, and this causes you to dismiss any further warnings. It is just one of the many ways that humans self-sabotage. Though, for many manipulators, the intention is to make their victim do so by putting up a welcoming and disarming front - a perfect honey trap.

.

.

Writing this was a TRIP man, ughk. It's so tame and light as a yandere fic but something about writing subtle manipulation just makes my skin crawl the most. 😭 Anyways, hope you enjoy! ✨🫰🏽

[papirouge]

This exchange made me realize that many of you tend to forget that Carmy is a late bloomer who never had any girlfriend before Claire which actually explains his awkward behavior. I know it because I too am an awkward late bloomer (around the same age as Carmy and sharing a lot of common with him) and his behavior totally made sense to me lol

I want you all to keep in mind that when you've been closed off romantic elationships for your entire life, you're not handling them the same way people who started dating in their teens or young adult years (Carmy is most likely in his early 30s and never got into any relationships before).

Carmy, like any late bloomer, was used to never being considered romantically, which explains why he freaked out when Claire started flirting with him and stopped thinking rationally (which is very unfamiliar for emotionally avoidant type like Carmy or I - we'll come back to this later). I understand Carmy's move of giving a false number to Claire yet still accepting to go out with her later may be confusing to many people, but as a fellow late bloomer I immediately clocked it : we are not comfortable with the attention people give to us, but we *know* this behavior is not normal/unhealthy so Carmy eventually giving in may be a way of eventually getting into the mold and abide to the "if you don't open up to others and give them chances, how can you expect building actual relationships?" mantra. Because deep down we want to be like others (because being so closed off all the time can become emotionally draining) and seek to find a way to fit in.

Another thing about people like Carmy/emotional avoidant type is that by being so closed off to the world, we are also extremely deceptive about who we truly are. It makes sense to me that Carmy hides his feelings for Syd and would rather project them onto Claire. That's definitely manipulative, but we'd rather do that than get "uncovered". We tend to think very rationally and our sense of self perseveration is incredibly strong. I just know that howing his bare feelings has to be one of the most terrifying and embarrassing thing for Carmy.

We also don't mind getting confused as someone we are not in which we feel some sort of relief because it keeps our real self away from others perception (if that make sense???). Carmy passing himself as "Logan" in that party -while being quite extreme- is totally on brand actually lol. I regularly get mistaken as a male (I'm lowkey gnc) but I never bother correcting people lol I'm fine being whatever they see me as, as long it's not the real me.

Talking about self preservation: we don't ask and don't tell. Carmy sister being mad at him for never asking her whether she was okay was extremely relatable because I tend to get the same reproach from my own sisters. Very typical of us. Fleeing to the other side of the globe to cope with a family member death is something I *get* because we are avoidant in nature. We can also be insane hustlers and tend to cope with grief or unhealed emotions through work.

On the positive side, we are extremely independent and self reliant. The scene in the fridge (last episode of season 2) where Carmy loses his shit and says he was mad at himself for indulging in all "this bullshit" (= love and relationships) I FELT THAT. Countless times I prayed to God to remove from my heart my "shameful" longing for love & intimacy that I always felt hindered me in my quest for excellence & satisfaction in any other aspect of my life. Because we are very rational & practical people and lowkey despise "useless" stuff like relationships and feelings. And that's where the messed up part comes up.

I wouldn't be surprised Carmy lowkey despises Claire for being so clingy and courting him so openly. As I just said, we tend to look down on (bold) displayal of love and emotion which lowkey repulse us. I think that's why Carmy dislikes his sister's husband when he's an all around good guy. He may have a resentment (and even jealousy?) against this man that has no issue showing affection - not only to his sister, but also the rest of the family. Which Carmy still struggles to do so far.

This may also explain why Carmy is suddenly so cold with Claire when he's serving her at the table (beside him allegedly previously making up his mind to break up with her). That's why the moment he hears that voicemail of Claire saying she "loves him" he THROWS AWAY his phone. Because that's disgusting.

I think the CarmyxSyd dynamic is unique because there's a dimension of respect between both. They share the same passion for cuisine, and Sydney constantly pushes Carmy out of his comfort zone. As an avoidant emotional attachment type myself, when I think of the type of people I potentially could be attracted to, I can only think of people I have deeply respect for, and bring objective value into my life AND skills. I've seen people criticize the fact that Sydney was pretty much a "warrior worker" for Carmy (and pretty much the whole Bear crew) and that's true. But regardless it's a good or bad thing, that's pretty much the type of profile that may attract avoidant emotional type of people. Bonding through work & shared passion is our safest field to build romantic connection through. That's why Carmy made Syd sign a partnership agreement instead of a marriage contract 💅🏾 that's the safest way for him to convey his feelings.

Again, we are very rational people and in every type of relationship, we instinctively jauge whether & how this person might be useful for us. It doesn't mean we built relationship with people depending on whether they can be useful for us or not, but that's definitely in a part of our head somewhere. Yes, that's fucked up (1/because we are 2/that's why emotionally distant people can become pretty unlikable - i.e Carmy carmying), but you have to keep that in mind to understand how Carmy moves. Which tracks back to Claire's actual purpose I've elaborated just before. He definitely uses her, but most likely unknowingly.

[fabbyf1]

Hi!

I’m not sure of this is how to go about this correctly.

I’m not sure what your position is on others drawing inspiration/directly from your incredible fan fiction writing but, on Ao3 there is a fic called ❤️lestappen- One shorts💙 by lestapeeen. The most recent chapter (14) is very similar to the monza chapter of long live(twwct) specifically the piggy back and proposal promise. some of the dialogue is exactly the same.

I figured you should know. If it’s a cool with you or if you knew already, sorry to be a bother.

DISCLAIMER: This post, by no means, is asking for ANYBODY to send this author mentioned (and tagged) below hate. On anon or main. I have been pretty damn clear with my feelings on the matter below. They know what they've done, and I won't stand for it. Nobody needs to make this worse by sending them death threats. With that out of the way, let's deep dive, shall we?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

First off, god bless you, bestie. God BLESS you. I want to smooch you on your incredibly wonderful forehead. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I cannot be everywhere at once and cannot possibly read every fanfic posted to AO3, but it's not fucking cool for people to straight-up plagiarize my shit.

Secondly, I'd like to ask that if ANY of my followers come across something that looks very suspiciously similar to my fics, please let me know. You can for sure send it on anon, or send me a dm.

Now, with that being said, I clicked on this fucking fic not knowing what to think. I went into it with a pretty open mind, knowing that there are quite a few authors currently posting fics that are verrrrrrrrrrry similar to my writing style. I've gotten pretty close to calling a few of these authors out but haven't for a few reasons.

Fanfics based on the same ship, in the same canon setting, are always going to be... let's use the word "similar" here. The plot can only change so much when you're following canon events, you know? I don’t write AUs, so I’m only going off canon-inspired fics. My fics generally follow along with canon timelines and therefore, other author’s fics that follow the same timeline are going to be... similar. I get that and accept that.

Characterizations are bound to be... well, fuck it, let's use that word "similar" again. I'm gonna be pretty forgiving when someone's Max is damn near the same as my Max because one: I'm a good and forgiving person, and two: I think my characters (while totally fucking fictional) are very life-like to the real person. So, with that in mind, when I read a fic with characterizations similar to mine... I will usually give somebody grace... and accept that maybe, just possibly, they see Max Verstappen (the person) the same way I do (fictionally) and it’s a big old coincidence that our fics read so similar. You know? Does that make sense?

But with all that being said, I’m not a fucking idiot. 

And honestly? I give more grace than I should on this goddamn website. (lmfao, respectfully.) This is sadly not the first time that somebody has very much written in my likeness, and I know it won't be the last. But this is definitely the boldest version of plagiarism I've seen. I haven’t clicked on any chapter except for 14, and I heavily skimmed the first part, but let’s take a little deep dive into some of the highlights. Because I will show the receipts, bestie.

from their story:

from long live:

..... right, let's move on.

from their story:

from long live:

okay................. sure

from their story:

from long live:

If you're going to plagiarize my shit... you could at least put it in a different font, so to speak. "Hey, can I copy your homework?” “Sure, but change it up a bit.” 

Girlie pop, you stopped even trying to change it the fuck up. 

Let me be clear: I do not authorize anybody to translate, re-post or distribute my work without my written consent. This is in a disclaimer (that I will post below) in every single one of my fics. Taking MY dialogue is NOT okay. 

Direct quote from the beginning note of Long Live:  DISCLAIMER #4: This is 100% fictional, and I do not own any person, team, or sponsor referenced in this story. I mean no offense to any person(s) mentioned and characterized in this story. I am not affiliated with any part of Formula 1 or its subsections. Please do not translate, re-post, or distribute my work without my written consent. I will cry.

To sum up, writing is not easy, and it takes time and effort. Time away from my friends, my girlfriend, my family. Time away from my job and my other hobbies. Long Live is 76 thousand words and took me countless hours to write.

To have somebody so blatantly and disrespectfully post MY SHIT as their own and not even try to give me credit? To not write a note that said, “Heyyyyy go read long live, which I [clearly] really enjoyed!” or even a “Some of this dialogue was inspired by @fabbyf1” or even just a “lmfao some of this i didn’t write but the rest i did” really pisses me off.

Why did it ever have to come to this?

I am SO disappointed right now.

Happy fucking Friday, I guess.

For full transparency, here is the link to their fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55255699 and here is the link to their tumblr: @l-estappen

Here is the link to MY fic, which was posted on April 2nd, 2023, and written in Google Docs with revision history about a month before that. I have receipts out the fucking ass, my dear. https://archiveofourown.org/works/46190509/chapters/116284915

Be well.

[fandomfuntimem]

MORE DOAI X RE IDEAS. INCLUDING BOTH CANON DOAI AND AUS!!!!!!!!

Canon Doai:

I made it that eastridge was stuck stagnant in time due to being cut off from the world in the sitcom au mostly as a way to explane why Leon is so advanced compaired to Alex. But since Alex is dead in canon, the canon crossover does not have this excuse, so Leon shows up in a more modern Eastridge.

Leon isn't there for an assigned mission. He has had nothing to do for a long time. After finding an old photo album he decided to find out what happened to Alex, who whent missing.

Leon eventually gets the tapes. In a situation where this is an actual game the tapes would be found over time. slowly revealing what happened to Alex.

Unfortunately since DOAI isn't finished i dont know how to continue this spacific version of the crossover. This deffinately would be a more psychological horror game tho. Leon facing hallucinations and memories.

Sitcom Au (i thought about this one the most so get ready):

Eastridge is cut off from the rest of the world as a way to contain the veldigun issue. Stagnant in technology and knowledge.

The Lankmann foundation works with the Umbrella corperation. Veldiguns were accidentally created through the mix of Las Plagas and Mold. The two companies want to harness that power. (Im not very up to date on the Veldigun lore. But i like the idea of them being unholy mixes of parasitic aliens and hive mind particles)

Leon, Chris Redfeild, and Ashley (who joined the agency after graduating from college) are sent on a mission to help the Lankmann foundation (their connection to umbrella is not known). Leon was told both his cousins were eaten by the eastridge demon and is seeking revenge.

Leon and Ashley do somehow eventually catch Clyde. But before Leon can kill it Alex saves it. They slap the shit out of Leon with a plant of wood or bat or something, and gets in to a suffle with Ashley (i imagine Ashley and Alex are decently matched, Ashley is only a bit better. Alex is hard to fight tho because they are untrained and unpredictable). Leon eventually recovers and breaks Ashley and Alex up. Alex finally gets to explane everything

Leon joins the crew, Ashley is inbetween, and Chris believes Leon is under their control or something.

Idk from there.

Specimen 03 (Veldigun timeline):

Starts the same as the sitcom au.

Leon begins experiencing hallucinations. Hallucinations include Alex yelling down the hall, whispering in his ear, walking out of the corner of his eye, disappearing behind doors, tapping his shoulder. Alex says things like, "help me," "follow me," "over here," "come find me," "I'm here."

Leon eventually follows the hallucinations (very against Chris and Ashley's wishes.) And discovers Veldigun Alex locked up.

Leon learns the truth and begins working against the foundation.

Idk how to continue from there.

Thats it :D

If you want to add your own ideas or own aus to the list, go crazy. I just wanted to ramble about my ideas.

[back-on-my-autistic-bullshit]

Full Moon Stolitz thoughts

Alright I'm getting on this shit because I am obsessed with Stolitz unironically. Before I start this I want to be absolutely clear that (in my opinion) there is no "right" side in the overall situation between Blitz and Stolas. Both equally have problems that contribute to their miscommunication and I can sympathise with both of them. If you disagree, feel free to ignore this post and scroll on, I don't mind friendly debate with people I know well but strangers on the internet are a different story.

I do generally project heavily onto Blitz which yeah probably impacts my interpretation of this a lot but I'm just a guy on tumblr I'm not here to be 100% right I'm just posing my take on their behaviours etc etc

Mandatory Disclaimer: spoilers start below! Do not click read more if you care about spoilers for The Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss

That all said, I'm splitting this into three parts:

Blitz's behaviour throughout the episode

Stolas' behaviour throughout the episode

Blitz and Stolas' confrontation/argument/interaction at the end of the episode

Part One: Blitz's behaviour

Starting off with "When I See Him", the basics of it (that is played up a bit for comedy and more or less directly stated really at the start) is that Blitz is obviously covering up how he really feels by concentrating entirely on the sex he anticipates having, and acting like that is what is important to him.

Are we okay? Can't really say I'm getting by By avoiding his questions It's so complicated, I hate when it's complicated Why do I always end up in situations that are complicated?

Blitz knows there is something wrong, or off, between the two of them but he'd rather not talk or communicate about it - literally preferring to avoid the topic entirely because "complicated" = bad, and he has no idea how to fix that, despite the fact that most of his relationships have been and/or are still complicated, he doesn't know how to deal with that because he never learnt. He's started to with Fizz a bit at the very least, but he's definitely not in a place to do that with romantic relationships yet - but I digress.

Here I go again, getting in my head So I'll focus on the sexy stuff instead

Not too much to say about this part other than he is actively choosing to disregard his anxieties and worries about him and Stolas by putting on this mask of caring about the sex and nothing else. Honestly, not a surprise with Blitz, this is pretty average behaviour and is very much likely a common coping mechanism of his to avoid serious feelings when engaging in relationships of a romantic nature. Especially since he seems to place a lot of value in himself in how good he is in bed.

When I see him, I'm gonna do that thing he likes No need to change things, I'll just bring the ropes and spikes[/spice*] We've got a nice arrangement And it's working out just fine We'll keep it light

Can't wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex And make that bird squawk We'll just stick with what makes sense

Same as above, he's going to what's familiar and directly deciding he'd rather ignore any issues they have and not talk about them in favour of doing what they normally do on full moons and call it a night.

*my audio processing disorder really did not like that line, and I cannot completely tell if that's right - any mistakes in lyrics or other quotes from the show before or after this are almost definitely because of this so please feel free to correct me.

Moving on from the song, some things Blitz does or says during the conversation with Moxxie and Loona in the office that stick out to me.

It's the full moon, I gotta meet up with Stolas tonight. Felt like dressing up a little since it's been a few months since I've been inside his feathered ass.

This is personally really interesting to me since he's not been known to dress up explicitly to see Stolas before (excluding the posts that have been seen on the instagram accounts but I'm hesitant to count those as 100% hard canon, and they were outfits of a different variety - not a bowtie and suspenders as he's seen wearing in the episode). It's like he's trying very hard to impress him for.. some reason? I'm guessing he sees it as part of his whole plan to really sort of wow Stolas, get in there, get out, no touchy feely stuff. It comes off as the opposite to me though, it shows that he kind of values what Stolas think of him and his appearance - and that he wants to impress Stolas. This could just be him trying to prove his worth to Stolas so he doesn't get cast aside, but it could also be more.

This facial expression is very important to me. It's a split second frame of vulnerability in response to Loona saying the following:

Oh shit, he's getting bored of you.

This is genuine worry and concern on his face, he tried to cover it up with a smile but he is concerned. And yes, it could just be about losing the book, it probably is in part but I think it's more than that.

Loona also says this:

Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it, dicks.

When she says this Blitz reacts very on the defensive, repeating what she said mockingly and saying this:

How do you know, Loona?

It's a very defensive reaction and I'd bet he feels at least a little bit bruised and hurt at the thought of Stolas getting "bored" of him - which probably does not help at all with how he's struggling with how he currently feels about Stolas between the agreement for the book and not seeing him in a while.

Immediately after this interaction, he literally leaves his job (which like, yeah, he is own his boss I Guess he can do that whenever he wants but I can't imagine he does it a lot, I Hope, unless he thinks it's important) and goes shopping for more things to impress Stolas. It's a lot of effort to put into someone you don't really super care about, all things considered but let's just go with the devil's advocate here that it's not to lose the book and it doesn't really mean anything. Although I do find his choice to look at candles first interesting, assuming it's not for something else (resident sex repulsed asexual is struggling with thinking about that kind of thing - despite watching helluva boss lmao), Stolas seems to like candles. If I remember correctly, he has some near his bath.

An interesting detail for Blitz to know/remember/take into account, for someone he allegedly does not care about. Anddd that's it for Blitz's scenes in this episode.

Part 2: Stolas' Behaviour

Like with Blitz, I'm gonna focus on how Stolas acts in "When I See Him" first, then move on to what we see of him alone in the rest of the episode (which there's very little of, I think, unfortunately).

The summary of what I think of Stolas in this song is he clearly has a somewhat fairytale view of his relationship with Blitz still (which is only emphasised by how the song is disney princess like in nature), thankfully he knows he has to let him be separate from the terms of their agreement and has found a way for this to occur without horribly impacting Blitz's business. However, he (at least, at first) seems to think after this happens everything will go fine and be perfectly okay and happily ever after, or more likely hopes that is how the situation will end up - but we see more of his worries later on so he's evidently not completely deluding himself.

My derring-do is half disguised Behind a smile

I don't have a lot to say about this just that it shows Stolas is obviously aware that Blitz is performing at least a little when he's with him.

I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce

This line just interests me more than anything, it's understandable that he doesn't want to think about the divorce. God knows I wouldn't want to, but's it intriguing to see he's attempting to distance himself from it - I hope we see more about this in the future episodes, maybe.

So for my own health I'll remind myself That when I see him I know that it won't feel so tough I'll believe him And not the voice that says I'm not enough No need for an arrangement It can just be him and me I'll see us free How perfect it could be When I see him tonight

This bit is very sweet honestly, Stolas clearly yearns to be closer to Blitz - and he's trying his best to facilitate that. He just wants genuine connection and love, something he couldn't experience in his marriage with Stella. Stolas is obviously nervous and has some self worth issues to say the least, but he deals with them differently to Blitz. In fact, he finds that being with Blitz helps combat these (likely because he feels loved and/or wanted by someone).

Unrelated to dissecting the episode and the like, the voice acting for this part was incredible and I love the way Stolas' VA (his name has slipped my mind atm) conveys emotion in his voice - even while singing. He sounds very hopeful, yet the cracks and wobbles suggest how nervous he feels for the interaction with Blitz, even if he's currently acting as if he thinks it will end well.

Oh god I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad tonight

This bit really just kind of shows how nervous he does feel about talking with Blitz about giving him the crystal. And that he is scared it'll go wrong, it's nothing too crazy.

The detail of him having none of the medication he takes left is interesting to me though, just that he's still taking it, I guess - could suggest he's still struggling with anxiety etc etc.

Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner What kind of a monster does that make me

Stolas is clearly feeling a lot of guilt for his past treatment of Blitz, and fear that his feelings aren't reciprocated - but it seems like he's more scared that he's been taking advantage of Blitz, than the thought that Blitz doesn't like him.

My entire life's been written in stone He taught me that I could choose

Blitz is the first person he really chose to meet or associate with, as a child and as an adult. There was no obligation to know him or socialise with him, or to be his friend (or more). In fact, it was discouraged if anything but Stolas chose to do it anyway - and it helped him realise he could do what he wanted, and gain the confidence to do so.

Part 3: Blitz and Stolas' confrontation

Stolas' body language here kills me, he's so nervous for what he's about to do, and despite his hopeful song early he's eerily somber - as if he knows this will end badly.

Blitz looks so afraid here, he's gone through all of this effort to try to impress Stolas and keep him from getting "bored" of him. Part of this is probably because he doesn't want to lose the connection he and Stolas have but honestly it's largely probably the fear of losing the book and his business that he's worked so hard for. Blitz is an incredibly ambitious person, and he's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (mostly blood) into I.M.P and to have it taken away because of someone else due to not being good enough for them is probably one of his worst fears.

Blitz's immediate switch to trying to seduce Stolas is slightly jarring, but not all that surprising considering how this whole thing started. Blitz is desperate, trying anything to prove to Stolas he's worth keeping around. Meanwhile Stolas looks resigned, as if realising it really was just a performance for Blitz the entire time.

Stolas, please, I- I need this book. Please, I need this book, Stolas. I will do anything.

The immediate switch to begging, mixed with tears, took me off guard honestly. I didn't expect to see him do that but it makes sense considering how badly he treasures I.M.P and he really is just at the whim of Stolas and it could all collapse at any given moment.

I don't understand, why are you giving me this? Am I not like, fucking you good enough? Because I can- I can always do better.

This being Blitz's immediate reaction to getting the crystal from Stolas is upsetting. I was on the verge of tears here, he can't even comprehend that Stolas might genuinely want to give him a gift, not because Blitz isn't good enough, but because Stolas wants him to be independent. Blitz has never viewed himself as "good enough" for people and he puts on a lot of performances to convince himself he's worthy of being associated with others. This probably feels like, to him, a convoluted way of "getting rid" of him, instead of giving him freedom so he and Stolas can interact with less of a power imbalance.

This in an interesting roleplay, never done this one but I can get into it. How's this? Oh, Stolas, I'll stay with you, I love you soo much.

Blitz's immediate response to Stolas' confession being one of disbelief leading him into thinking it's some sort of roleplay or pretense because he can't possibly believe that anyone would actually love him is honestly worse case scenario and probably where all of this starts going downhill.

I have my answer, Blitz. You needn't say anything. I have wanted you, for so long. The fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it's always about... sex. That's enough to know what this is.

This right here, is terrible. Miserable, even. Communication is starting to break down, Stolas doesn't realise or understand Blitz's point of view and I certainly cannot blame him for getting upset but how these two are communicating yet somehow falling victim to miscommunication at the same time is impressive at this point. They're both getting emotional, and it's fucking everything up but to be fair no one can remain 100% logical, this is nerve wracking and stressful for them both.

What? Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you've put me through, you pompous rich asshole? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important! Well, I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!

This, this is incredibly cathartic in a weird way. It's not good by any means but for Blitz these bitter feelings have probably been somewhat simmering beneath the surface for a while and he hasn't been able to express them because of the nature of his and Stolas' relationship. The way he's phrasing this makes me wonder if he has previous experience with a royal demon doing this to him outside of now, and Stolas' father hiring him to be Stolas' friend when he was a child. It wouldn't be too unreasonable but putting that aside for a moment. The anger and lashing out here is probably a defense mechanism on his part, every time something has got vulnerable or upsetting in the past in this show Blitz always seems to get angry (an example that comes to mind at the minute is when Cash was celebrating Fizz's birthday - at the time he didn't say anything to Fizz but he stormed off, angry. Another one could be probably a few of his interactions with Verosika. I'd have to rewatch the show to find something more particular). The point is Blitz lashes out instead of being open and vulnerable, he doesn't mean or genuinely think any of this - and immediately regrets it as soon as he says it. But it's too late, it's been said.

Stolas flinches or pauses when walking a handful of times during this rant from Blitz, each time whenever he has an insult. Before he has even said anything it's immensely clear Stolas is very hurt by this.

Blitz. I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me.

This is the regret I was talking about, it's probably helped along by Stolas admitting he thinks highly of Blitz but god - he is crushed. And he immediately tries to apologise but Stolas teleports him out of there before he can even process it, leaving us on a terrible cliffhanger.

God, it's a fucking mess. They're a mess I'm so scared for the next episode and how they are even going to fix this. Someone get these gay demons a therapist, please, I beg.

All in all, ow my feelings, this episode hurt, I did cry. Stolitz have mastered the art of miscommunication, but that is hardly news. Blitz seems to have got a genuine wake-up call, sort of similar to how he did with Fizz and I'm hoping that kickstarts something to help him improve, because he does need to. At the same time, Stolas has kinda fucked up here, and does need to give Blitz more time to process since I imagine this is very fucking shocking to him. It's all one biggggg mess and god knows how it'll work out but I'm looking forward to finding out and hopefully not having my heart ripped out and spat on by the end of this season.

[scekrex]

Hi!! I love ur stories sm and im gonna ask anonymously for my first time cuz im lowkey shy LOL 🥲..

I was wondering maybe a Adam x Male reader where they had a huge argument, reader mentions something mean about Eve or Lillith to Adam after he says something petty, and Adam reacts without realizing and accidentally hits Reader. (by instinct) Then in shock, reader storms out and doesn’t come back home for a couple of days. (Or you can make it as long, or as short as you want!) You can make it as angst to your liking, and maybe add a makeup (fluff) at the end!! :)) I just think it would be interesting to see.

Thank you, and take care of yourself ! ❤️

Can do, the fluffy end is probably not as fluffy as it could've been but idk it just turned out the way it did ig

All this pain and the words that I cannot say, at least I'm trying

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, hitting (without consent), low-key toxic relationship

note: not beta read bc fuck you

The air felt tense, the vibe wasn’t as happy and cheery as it had been only moments ago and your neighbors were complaining about the loud screams and yells that kept coming from your apartment and yet neither you nor Adam got it together to simply leave in order to calm down. To be fair, it was your apartment so if someone was in the position to leave it was Adam. The argument between the two of you wasn’t just a tiny thing, it might have been the biggest fight you ever had with him.

The screaming and yelling was loud, the arguments were weak - not only his but yours were too. And yet you both found yourself too prideful to actually admit that to that. Hell would freeze before you would give him the boost of being right by admitting you were wrong, no way you’d admit to that to someone like Adam. And then he said something that caused you to snap.

“Maybe if you wouldn’t be so fucking complicated it would be easier to love your bitchy ass,” Adam yelled at you, his voice already sounded raspy and broken, his body language told you that he was not the only one who was slowly growing tired from fighting - you were too. You clicked your tongue, then responded in a quiet yet annoyed tone, “At least I didn’t lose the fucking women God created for me and only me, you did. So be my fucking guest Adam, if it’s so hard to love me, break the fuck up.” The shock in Adam’s eyes was visible, it was paired with betrayal that he felt, the comment had hit exactly the right spot to actually hurt the brunette and while you regretted it immediately, you did not apologize for it. “Leave them out of this, this shit’s between you and me, bitch,” the first man growled angrily and suddenly the betrayal and shock were overplayed by anger - pure rage vibrated through his body and he made it obvious. You simply crossed your arms over your chest, why though? Why did he get to say mean things about you and you were not allowed to shoot queally mean things back at him? “It’s not my fucking fault you were a horrible person in Eden - horrible enough to make the devil seem nicer. Maybe I’ll go down and suck Lucifer’s dick-” you were not able to finish your sentence.

Adam raised his hand and slapped you across the face. It stung, the part of your cheek that he had hit turned red but worse than that was the fact that he hit you. He had never hurt you physically before, yes there had been fights, yes there had been arguments but never had he hurt you before in any form or way. Your mind was blank, your body felt numb except for your cheek and all you were able to do was to stare, stare at him, stare at his hand, stare at the wall behind him. Before Adam was able to apologize through the fog that had clouded your brain lifted and you stormed off, you grabbed your backpack on your way to the front door and just as the brunette you called your boyfriend was about to say something, you slammed the door shut. From the hallway you heard how one of the picture frames fell to the ground and broke, you couldn’t care any less.

-

Adam just stood there and watched because what else was he supposed to do? He knew it was too late to apologize, he knew he fucked up badly and that there was the possibility of you breaking up with him and if he was completely honest with himself he deserved it. He had never been the perfect boyfriend you deserved, he had always been out of line, loud and simply too much but you had always assured him that that was simply who he was and that you loved him for who he was - but was that still the case? Did you still love him after that? Because it was one thing to pick fights with each other far more often than other couples did but it was a different thing entirely to hit your partner, Adam was very aware of that. And yet he had still raised his hand against you, a thing he had sworn to himself to never do had been done and he wasn’t able to simply undo it. A weak apology wouldn’t do either, not after that.

He wanted to go after you but he knew you well enough to be aware of how stupid that idea was, the fight would only continue outside of the apartment and he would only cause things to escalate even more and that he really didn’t want. He wasn’t even sure why he hit you in the first place, it had just… kind of happened? He didn’t know. What he did know was that you were gone and that you’d surely spend the night at someone else’s place and while he hated the idea of it, he was smart enough to know that it was for the best to have a little distance between you and him for the night. Surely you’d come back the next day and you two could sort things out.

-

But you didn’t come back the next day. Or the day after. Or the day after that day.

Adam was freaked out to say the least, he was worried you might secretly dump his ass, stop by when you knew he wasn’t home to pick up your stuff and just disappear. His wives had left him and he was convinced you would leave him just like them. You weren’t his husband yet, you could simply disappear if you wanted to and that scared Adam, it scared him deeply. Because deep down he knew that afterlife without you wouldn’t make any sense, that he was simply a lost soul without you by his side.

He was sitting on the couch, waiting for you to come back, he had canceled all the appointments and band meetings to simply sit on the couch of your apartment and wait for you to come back home, that was all he wanted. He wanted to know you’re safe. But he didn’t know shit because you weren’t answering his calls or responding to his texts, you did read them though. It was driving him crazy to not be sure of anything despite the fact that you were gone.

Where were you?

When would you come back?

Would you come back to begin with?

The brunette jumped off the couch when he heard a key in the lock and his face reflected the relief he was feeling when he saw that you were the one opening the door. Without thinking twice he rushed over to where you stood, the front door still open behind you. The first man pulled you into a bone crushing hug, mumbling sweet nothings under his breath as his wings wrapped around your body in protection. “Fuck, you’re back,” he whispered, sounding so lost, so hurt, so scared. You weren’t hugging him back but you also didn’t try to push him away or get out of the hug in general.

What were you supposed to do? Hugging him back felt wrong after he hit you but pushing him away seemed even worse - yet you wanted an apology. An honest and emotional apology with an explanation of why he did what he did. But you got none of that, instead you listened to Adam who was brabbling everything that he had worked so hard on to bottle up inside of him. “Don’t fucking leave me, do what you want, punch me, scream at me, kick me out but don’t fucking leave me.” And if Adam would be more emotional than he was he would’ve cried, would’ve broken down in front of you while holding you. But he wasn’t emotional and therefore didn’t cry. What he did was that he made sure you understood how desperately he needed you in his life.

And while that was not what you wanted - an apology - it was okay for the moment.

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 22: I'm sorry, this directory is encrypted

Chapter title is lyrics from "DIg It"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Drip.

While registering that something had just connected with my face, I only felt annoyance – the urge to continue sleeping overriding any coherent thoughts about it, or the ability to question why something wet was running down my cheek out of nowhere.

Drip, drip.

My features shifted into a frown as even more droplets began smacking against my skin, causing my consciousness to swim back to me. Suddenly, the warm and solid body next to me was in motion, a hissing noise surrounding us, growing louder, more intense.

“Fucking hell.” Oli uttered, as the very abrupt downpour pelted us mercilessly, rudely interrupting my deep sleep.

While snuggled up last night in silence, we must have drifted off under the stars on the rooftop of the hotel. And now the weather had decided it was time for us to wake up.

We shot up quickly with a yelp, legging it towards the exit, trying to avoid getting completely drenched in the process.

But it was too late; we were soaking.

Our mutual panting echoed in the stairwell after Oli slammed the door shut behind us.

Eyes wide as saucers met mine as he leaned against the door, clearly also pumped full of adrenaline from being awoken so unexpectedly by the icy shower.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I shivered, and he quickly joined in.

“That’s one way to wake up.” He said before taking my hand and pulling me up against him, his arms wrapping around my waist. All of which would have been heavenly if it wasn’t for our cold and soaked clothes, plastered uncomfortably to our bodies.

Smiling down at me, his eyes had softened, and his wet locks had taken on a darker shade as they clung to his temple in little circlets.

“I had a nice time last night.” I said without thinking, feeling rather stupid, knowing the date hadn’t gone according to plan whatsoever. Yet despite starting off rocky, the sex and the long talk afterwards had been nothing short of incredible, leaving me with an odd sense of hope for the future. Which was strange considering the gloomy and uncomfortable topics. 

Thankfully it seemed the man holding me agreed with my statement.

“Me too.” He whispered before leaning in for an unusually chaste and short-lived kiss. Pulling away he uttered what had been on my mind as well, “I don’t know about you but I’d really like to get changed, this feels fucking horrendous.”

I huffed out a laugh, fighting my shivers, “Yes please, let’s go.”

Taking Oli’s hand I started descending the steps.

But he didn’t follow.

“Shit, my phone’s still out there,” he looked towards the fire door then back to me, “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Disappointment settled in me, having expected us to spend the morning together for some reason.

Which surprised me. Not just because of the expectation, but because I wasn’t overcome with panic at the mere thought of casually spending so many hours in a row with a man who had a romantic interest in me.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” I responded after a moment, trying not to let the disappointment be evident in my tone of voice. But when I attempted to let go of his hand, he held onto me. 

“One more thing,” he said, appearing slightly nervous, “can you start wearing underwear again?”

For some reason his question made me uneasy. 

I couldn’t tell if it was because of Mat – because of everything we talked about last night – or because he was trying to abstain from sex with me. It also made me worried that I’d done something wrong, similarly to how I felt last night when he’d been reluctant to open up about his nightmares – something I’d asked about twice now.

“Sure.” I finally settled on, not wanting to pry, not wanting to push him.

He visibly relaxed. Whatever the reason for his request, it was clearly important to him.

“Thank you.”

Letting go of my hand he took a deep breath before disappearing back out into the loud rain. I sighed deeply, trying my best to let go of the uncertainty our short morning interaction had brought on. Hoping it was just my anxious thinking patterns playing tricks on me.

Descending the steps, I made my way back to mine and Liam's room where a robed Liam was snuggled up in bed with a large sandwich in hand.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in–” He started teasingly, smiling from ear to ear, but confusion quickly claimed his features when he took in my appearance, “What the fuck happened to you, love?”

Laughing, I pointed towards the window, at the downpour outside, “We fell asleep on the roof.”

“With… Oli, I presume?” 

“Yes, with Oli.”

“Sorry it’s hard to keep track of all your lovers.”

The grin was back on his lips, but I just glared at him.

“I’ve only been on one date with Mat– and we only kissed,” I started but quickly remembered that’s not quite true, “Oh, wait, I guess I may have maybe also seen him cum...” I continued under my breath as I began digging around for my toiletries in a rush so I could disappear into the bathroom, feeling both embarrassment at my admission and surprised I had somehow momentarily forgotten all about that incident.

Liam, who had previously been lounging – relaxed as could be – shot up into a sitting position, looking stunned, “Listen, I was just joking around– you what!?”

“I’m gonna go shower.” I quickly mumbled before running off.

“Okay, but you better tell me everything afterwards!” I heard him yell as soon as I shut the door behind me.

When I came back out I was also wrapped up in one of the lush robes the hotel had to offer. Liam scooted over as soon as he saw me, patting the space next to him on the mattress, indicating for me to join him.

I paused, wanting to talk about everything that’s happened – maybe even get some advice. But I was nervous, still not used to talking about my feelings with others, and only really having opened up to Oli so far.

Only Oli, huh? Sounds like I’m getting pretty invested in him already.

Shaking the unpleasant and unnecessary thought out of my head, I instead walked over to the large tray of room service, filled with breakfast foods, attempting to avoid both my own mind, and Liam, all at the same time.

“Yay, you got bagels!” I said with a bit more enthusiasm than the ordinary food warranted, but Liam was having none of it. 

“For the love of god, Alice. You can’t leave me hanging like this.”

I took a deep breath.

Okay, I can do this.

Abandoning the plethora of foods for now, I made my way over to Liam and joined him on the bed, feeling like a pair of gossiping teens at a sleepover. 

While I left out most of the explicit details, Liam’s jaw was still on the floor for most of it. Once I came to the part about Fay I learned that Liam already knew of the love triangle, which made sense as he started working with them right after it all happened – right after Oli’s recovery.

When I got near the end of the story, in the middle of telling him that I’d developed feelings for Oli – that I craved the emotional connection with him despite my commitment issues – I realised how effortlessly everything had flowed out of me, how easy it had been to talk to Liam, and I wondered distantly if it was because Oli had inspired me, pushed me, opened up whatever part of me that I’d sealed shut so tightly for everyone else in my past.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Liam asked once I was done naming all the reasons I felt pressured into dating Oli and Mat at the same time; how all of this was happening too fast, at a time in my life when I felt so very lost.

“I think I have to see both of them until I can figure things out. It’s all just horrible timing though, isn’t it?”

“You don’t have to do anything, love – you don’t have to date either of them, but I’ll tell you this much; there’s no such thing as the right time.”

I frowned, knowing damn well this couldn’t be happening at a worse period in my life, “What do you mean?”

He paused, considering his words, “I think the universe has a way of pushing us when we need it most. So a lot of the time the right people will enter your life at the worst possible time, but if it’s meant to be then you will still manage to keep them around. Mostly because you will feel the urge to fight for it, to make it happen even when everything goes against you.” His sympathetic eyes grew questioning, “Do you feel any of that?”

I thought about it for a beat, recapping all the discomforts I had put myself through – and continued to put myself through – in order to cling onto the things I wasn’t ready to let go of, “I guess I do. I think I would’ve gone home by now if I didn’t.”

He smiled at me, “Well I’m very happy you’re still around, regardless of the reason.”

The talk had left me feeling lighter than expected, and with a lot less panic about the situation. Which thankfully made the prospect of running into Mat today a lot less daunting.

Or so I’d thought, until it actually happened.

A couple of hours passed and it was time to set off; to drive the two hours back to the venue and begin all the preparations for tonight's show. But once we were done packing the van up with the essentials for the gig, I realised I’d forgotten my bag in my room, so I ran along to quickly retrieve it.

I was locking the door behind me, holding my previously missing bag, when I saw the elevator doors starting to glide shut in the distance.

“Wait!” I yelled, sprinting down the corridor. I was incredibly grateful to see a hand appear on the door, holding it open for me. Once I got to the open elevator I was wearing a smile, ready to thank the kind stranger, but my smiling lips were quickly joined by wide eyes.

“Hi.” Mat said calmly, grinning at me as he held the elevator doors.

I knew I’d have to face him any moment now, but I’d been hoping it would’ve been in the van, surrounded by everyone else, effectively removing any pressure to hold a conversation. Instead it had to be in a claustrophobically small metal box, with just me and him.

“Hi.” I eventually responded before coming to stand next to him, facing the door, finding it nearly impossible to maintain eye contact after what happened last night; after he watched me melt from Oli’s fingers moving over my pussy, after spanking me.

I guess it’s only fair that we’ve both seen each other's expression when we’re deep in uncontrollable pleasure.

The tension between us was unbearable as the elevator moved from floor to floor, at a pace that convinced me the passing of time had been tampered with – now very clearly moving in slow motion. 

When there was only one floor left, Mat launched forward to press the Stop button, causing the elevator to halt with a jolt.

My heartbeat was already in my throat when he turned around to face me, giving me a stare that felt intimate despite the distance between us.

“I don’t want things to be awkward between us.” He sounded nervous.

“Me neither.” I quickly responded, even though I didn’t have a single clue how to make things any less awkward.

My response caused all of the evident nerves to promptly fade away from him. 

He took a step closer to me, some of the unreadable emotion from last night now on his features, “Spend tonight with me, at the club.”

Since we all had tomorrow off, the VIP section of a local club had been booked for all the bands that were performing tonight, as well as their entourage. Considering what happened at the last afterparty we went to, I had my reservations about even attending now when the Mat spanner had been thrown into the works. But since I was the designated driver I didn’t have much choice.

“I don’t know.” An involuntary smile tugged at the corners of my lips, feeling quite intrigued by this unexplored version of him.

He took another step towards me, slowly stepping into my personal space, “Cause of Oli?”

Something was different about him, he wasn’t usually this demanding, this intense – no, that was Oli’s domain. Mat was always the laid back one, the patient and polite one.

“Yeah.” I breathed, looking up at him as he pinned me with his unreadable eyes.

“You can spend time with him too.” His voice came lower, quieter, due to our close proximity.

The eye contact that had seemed hopelessly awkward just moments ago, was suddenly unbreakable, the tension between us growing more magnetic, surrounding us with a sense of desire.

“Your friendship is odd.” I said distantly, feeling equal parts nervous and excited.

“Can’t argue there– what do you say?”

A smile spread across his lips as my expression gave away my intentions before speaking. I already knew I wanted to agree to his proposal, wanting to spend more time with him in hopes that it would help sort out the tangled mess inside me.

“Alright.”

“Looking forward to it.”

His smile grew momentarily before his gaze fell to my lips, his demeanour shifting, growing dirty, determined.

I felt myself hold my breath as he leaned in, so convinced he was about to kiss me that my mouth fell open. But instead he stepped back and reached for the elevator controls, ready to end our intimate moment. I was about to exhale, to relax and fight the sense of disappointment I was experiencing, when I noticed his fingers hovering, never actually connecting with the button. 

I swallowed.

Suddenly fiery, filthy eyes shot back to mine before he grabbed me, crushing my lips to his, pulling me flush against him. 

I dropped the bag in the process, struggling to form any type of coherent thought as his hands raked over my body – until he got to my very sore behind, which pulled me back to myself enough to feel torn in half, both finding this morally wrong – like I somehow belonged to Oli, like I’m already his girl... Yet the other half of me wanted nothing more than for his rough hands to touch my bare skin, hating the layers between us. 

But my moral dilemma was short lived. Paying more attention to how he was handling me I noticed the sharp sense of urgency in his kiss, in the way he tensed beneath my fingers that were digging into his shoulders, how tightly he was pressing me against him, how his hands were studying my shape as if trying to almost memorise it for later. 

As if he might not get another chance to feel me in this way. 

Whatever the reason for his desperation, it felt like more than lust, more than being rushed due to having stopped the establishment's only elevator.

Oli had told me he falls too hard, too fast – was Mat the same? Was this an emotionally indulgent moment?

He let go of me as quickly as he had grabbed me, and there was suddenly several feets worth of space between us. I hadn’t realised, but he’d pushed me up against the back of the elevator during our brief yet passionate embrace. Which I was now thankfully leaning against, feeling disoriented and incredibly overheated.

Mat wiped his bottom lip with the back of his hand, appearing barely contained as he started the elevator again, his dark eyes eating me up, clearly wanting a lot more than these short, stolen moments between us.

I was speechless, merely a receiver of the energy he was aiming my direction like a laser beam before the doors opened. Wordlessly, he broke our eye contact and stepped out of the elevator, leaving me to gather myself.

But sadly I never got a chance to.

Only seconds after leaving me, an elderly couple joined me in the small metal box, forcing me to use my legs prematurely, which now felt more like spaghetti than flesh and bone. 

Another unfortunate consequence of not getting a chance to pull myself together, was the fact that the first person to lay eyes upon me as I stepped out of the hotel was Oli. 

I knew he could see it on me, how flustered I was. He’d seen it on me an endless amount of times.

The only difference being that this time he hadn't been the one to cause it. And since I had been right on Mat’s heels, it was pretty obvious something had just transpired between us.

I wanted to disappear, to simply run away. Maybe just dash into the woods behind them to never be heard from again. I could find a cabin somewhere and just enjoy life as a hermit, forage for berries and learn to catch fish in the lake. 

While it was just a wild fantasy, it felt infinitely more compelling than spending the next two hours stuck in a van with the two of them.

Kicking myself mentally I lowered my head and quickly made my way to the driver's seat, which Liam was already occupying.

“Get out, I’m driving.” I muttered before essentially pulling him out of the van.

He stepped out, slapping my hands away, “Alright, alright– I just thought I’d drive since you drove us here yesterday.”

“No worries, I’m fine to drive.” I shot him pleading eyes, hoping he’d catch the hint.

He squinted at me, “Okay, but if you think this will get you out of driving us back tonight after the club you’re mad – I was promised I could have a drink.”

I hesitated for a moment, looking over to the passenger seat which was already taken by Matty, knowing that if I didn’t drive I’d have to sit in the back with the others. At the same time I knew how much driving this route had exhausted me yesterday, and doing it twice in the same day would be pushing it, especially considering how much work we had ahead of us.

I felt myself deflate.

“Fine, you drive.”

Dread filled me as I walked back around the van, trying my best to not catch anyone's eye when I opened the van door, only to find that I was faced with yet another problem.

There were two rows worth of seats in front of me; in the front row Lee was sitting near the window furthest away, with Mat in the middle who was watching me with anticipation, clearly hoping I’d take the seat next to him. 

In the back row however, Oli sat all alone, staring distantly out the window. 

And while the energy from the front row was warm and welcoming, I knew I’d have to pick the back seat.

I told myself that it simply made more sense this way – there was so much more room in the back row after all. But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew my subconscious was calling out to Oli. I just couldn’t tell if it was due to guilt, or because I wanted to be closer to him, having missed him this morning.

As soon as I shut the van door behind me, Oli looked in my direction. His large eyes locked with mine and I could tell he was happy I was back here with him, despite the sadness in them, despite the defeat in his posture. And while there was an entire empty seat separating us, I felt the comfort from his presence, confirming I’d made the right choice.

It scared me, terrified me even, how attached I was growing, how much I seemed to crave his presence around me in more and more ways each passing day. How quickly it was happening, and mostly how powerless I felt against it.

It struck me that I’d never let myself get this attached to anyone before, having chronically kept everyone at arm's length my entire life. Even my mother. 

I was so uncomfortable with the idea that I started regretting coming back here, wishing I’d just taken the driver’s seat and dealt with the exhaustion afterwards. All of which was made infinitely worse as I realised the sheer amount of ‘firsts’ Oli had been for me; first to open up to about all my fears, all my struggles; first to explore my kinks with; first to pull me in like a magnet, occupying my mind and heart so many hours of the day.

First person I couldn’t seem to get enough of.

Suddenly I was feeling nauseous as we drove along the winding road, and I knew it wasn’t because of the road, or the amount of bagels I’d had this morning, but because of all the inner demons I couldn’t seem to fight off any longer.

Terror began to press in from every direction, and before I knew it a panic attack was building inside me. I could tell it was going to be an unusually bad one when my breathing sped up, rapidly turning into hyperventilation.

That’s when I saw Oli’s open hand resting in the middle seat, reaching for mine.

My wide eyes shot to his worried ones; they were so tender, filled with the softness I craved, my heart ached at the sight.

He shoved his hand closer to me, pleading for me to take it, to let him comfort me.

Somehow it felt like a trust-fall to take it, like jumping out of an aeroplane with Oli being my untested parachute. All I could do was hope his touch would settle me, when I knew it had the potential of making me infinitely worse.

I didn’t even consider if anyone could see us as my fingers intertwined with his, too preoccupied by my narrowing vision, my speeding pulse, how I felt like I couldn’t get a full lungs worth of air.

Once he had a good grip on my hand, he squeezed it, rubbing his thumb on my skin slowly, silently letting me know he was there for me.

I focused on his touch, his presence, as I began taking deeper and deeper breaths, my heart rate dropping slowly.

It was working, I felt the parachute open before my face hit the ground. Ironically the man that had caused the sudden and severe onset panic was now the one to ease it away from me.

We held eye contact as my body slowly returned to normal, a glowing, affectionate smile making an appearance on him as he noticed how I was calming down, coming back to myself.

I was bewildered, amazed at how well such a simple gesture had completely disarmed the bomb inside me. Looking down at the hand still tenderly holding mine, brushing my skin lovingly, I had to fight back tears for what felt like the hundredth time around the man next to me.

He must have noticed my struggle, uncertainty making an appearance on him. Squirming in his seat, his eyes darted to check what the others were doing, then began untangling our fingers. But I stopped him, holding his hand tighter, determined to not break whatever spell that had managed to stop my panic attack dead in its tracks. I had never been able to stop one myself once it had reached that stage, neither did I know it was possible.

The vulnerability on his face once he realised what I was doing should have startled me, should have sent me right back into my spiral of panic, but instead I just smiled at him, feeling rather calm as his gaze flickered between me and our hands.

I don’t know if anyone noticed what we were doing in the back of the van, but we continued to hold hands for the rest of the journey.

It was such a simple gesture, yet it somehow felt like the most intimate thing we’d done so far. 

So why am I not terrified all of a sudden?

My mind kept attempting to race with these thoughts, touching on the things that usually triggered me, but every time I felt the pressure build inside me, I would just squeeze his fingers, and they’d squeeze me right back, pumping my veins full of his comforting energy. Making me feel safe.

Once we got to the venue, parking up next to the tour bus we’d left here overnight, we let go of each other. My fingers had completely cramped up, hurting as I stretched them, but I hadn’t even noticed during the long drive.

We wordlessly parted ways for the day, right as Liam showered me in the usual tasks. And before I knew it, my feet were hurting almost as much as my butt did.

When all the opening bands had performed for the night, I was with Liam backstage, making sure all the props were in the correct places for the stagehands, when Mat tapped on my shoulder.

“Are you alright to stand a bit further out than usual? I’d like to see you during the show.”

He was bouncing on the spot, clearly pumped up for the impending performance. Yet the laid back demeanour still somehow remained.

How odd.

I considered his request, still a bit taken aback from what happened in the elevator earlier, but also unsure how to respond considering there was a reason I kept to the shadows when I could; I don’t particularly enjoy the public attention.

“Maybe.” I responded teasingly, trying to keep the mood light.

He just smiled at me, knowing there was no time to argue.

“I’ll take it.” He said before walking up on stage with the rest of the guys. 

Well, everyone except the lead singer, who entered the stage last, on a later cue.

I was looking around for the man in question in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him before his performance, knowing he’d be close, but I wasn’t expecting him to appear right in front of me as I turned around.

“You look lovely.” He purred, coming to stand only inches away from me.

I was about to thank him, compliment him back, but he spoke almost immediately, clearly rushed – which made sense considering we only had about 30 seconds before it was his turn to run up on stage.

“You sticking with me later tonight?”

My heart sank.

“Some of the time.” The face I wore was apologetic to say the least, not wanting to admit I’d already agreed to spend time with Mat at the club – not after the expression Oli wore when he saw me leaving the hotel this morning.

His hand reached for mine, holding it in his with a surprising tenderness considering the high energy that was radiating off of him, also clearly ready to expel a high amount of it for the crowd in a moment.

Distantly I wondered how much energy he had when not on tour, when he didn’t spend so much of it on performing.

“Am I bad company?” His eyebrow raised, turning his grin more questioning, yet flirty.

“No, you’re great company.” Even though I really didn’t want to tell him, I knew there was no point in trying to hide it, especially since he’d see us together tonight anyway, “Mat’s already asked me.”

The smile fell away from him completely, almost as if it had been a facade entirely, and whatever urgency there had been in Mat’s behaviour earlier completely paled in comparison to whatever had just taken hold of Oli.

Regret washed over me for not waiting till after the show to tell him, made worse by the music starting – meaning we only had around 15 seconds left together. 

Throwing a quick glance towards the stage, he pinned me with all-too serious eyes and let his hands rest on my arms, as if wanting to hold me in place, causing worry and confusion to rush over me at the immediate shift in behaviour. For a brief moment he appeared uncertain, questioning whether he should speak or not, but his decision was made clear by the rant that followed.

“The nightmares, they started when I was a teenager; my girlfriend at the time killed herself, slashed her wrists one night,” he spoke so very fast, saying things I didn’t have a chance to even begin unpacking. All I could focus on was the fact that he needed to be on stage in mere seconds, yet he was opening up to me out of nowhere, not leaving any room for me to react or respond, “I know it wasn’t my fault, but it messed me up, made me real scared of some things – made me real hard on myself in many ways.”

“Oli!” A stagehand yelled next to us, interrupting him.

“Wait!” He barked, then immediately threw him an apologetic look before returning his intense attention to me, “I’ve dreamt about you for a month now, most nights you torture me, try to kill me–” He shook his head in distress, seemingly out of frustration due to the time constraints, “I know I’m not making a lot of sense – I can explain much better later, but my point is–”

“You really gotta get on the stage man.” The poor stagehand continued, only trying to do his job, but Oli’s attention remained on me, talking over him entirely.

“I don’t open up to people a lot, and I know you don’t either,” he searched my face for a split second, his eyes darting all over it, sheer panic in his stare before he gently shook me in his hands, “You’re very special to me too.” 

He let go of me and shot up the steps leading to the stage so fast I barely had time to realise he was gone.

I was left standing alone in the dark, completely stunned, as the man that had just dumped a ton-of-bricks worth of intimate and bewildering information on me, started singing the words of the first song in the setlist.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

[jewishvitya]

Had holocaust denial on one of my posts. Extremely triggering, especially considering I have family members who are living survivors.

I blocked them.

I don't usually keep a name uncovered, but this is a special case. If any of you interact with this person, either you don't know they hold these views and then here's an opportunity to get away from them, or you don't mind this and then you should get away from me.

The only motive to deny a genocide is in order to commit a genocide. Holocaust denial is driven by neo-Nazis and other hate groups. That's why there are laws around this. It's not just having questions about history, it's actively rewriting it with the intent to cause harm by preparing the ground for a repeat.

[imminent-danger-came]

The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup

[lyriumrain]

I do genuinely still find overwatch enjoyable (unfortunately), but goddamn. Every single play session there's someone having a meltdown, or being edgy, or blaming everyone else for the match going poorly. I KNOW that's just the nature of online games but jeez louise.... What in tarnation is going on with these people, i just dont comprehend this "main character syndrome" where you're a perfect angel that can do no wrong and everyone is deliberately scheming your downfall or some shit

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

PSA: if you ever, ever feel the urge to make assumptions about the abuse history of a real ass person in a discussion about depictions of fictional abuse--in particular, any variation of the words 'you don't know/should learn what real abuse is'--

a) don't

b) you're a piece of shit

c) never ever ever fucking do that

d) step on legos for the rest of your life.

[avvocarlo]

holy shit I hate the rules and politics within the community services industry

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

[purplebass]

It will be fine. I will feel better tomorrow night after I will do this exam from which my future depends a tiny bit. The anxiety will be dulled and I won't feel like there's this little black cloud walking around with me. I just need to remind myself that I have done everything I could to prepare for this and it doesn't matter how it goes, I tried my best. Maybe I'll surprise myself.

[transgender-catboy]

I love my friends