#I'm keeping them younger on purpose because that's kind of the point when it comes to showing WCKD's cruelty and also

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Viktor Nikiforov is an adult character with adult problems and anxieties. However, unlike for Yuuri, whose struggles couldn't be more obvious to the audience, Viktor's issues are portrayed with subtlety. Which is ironic since, of the entire cast, Viktor is confronted with the most drastic life-changing choices and changes.

We meet Viktor as a competitive figure skater who has reached a point in his life many people eventually end up. The initial excitement for your profession has long since withered away and you're stuck in a life that is making you miserable. You're only staying out of convenience, the fear of change, the fear of taking a risk, or due to a lack of opportunity—or a combination thereof.

That's where Viktor is in episode 1. You can read the misery in his fake smiles and in his empty expression when he skates—an activity that once has been his passion (we know because creating your own programmes demands a creativity that is the result of passion). There are rumours that he might retire, and when being asked about his future plans, we see again the empty expression of a man who has lost his purpose. He has accumulated quite a fortune through sponsorships if his expensive clothes are any indication of that, but money can't buy happiness.

For twenty years, Viktor has lived for his sport and neglected his private life over it. His body might keep up for a couple of more seasons, but his mind is weary and his creativity is running dry. Twenty years is a long enough time to make even a decisive person think that that one thing is all you will ever be good at.

When you're stuck like that, maybe even to the point that it affects your mental health, it's hard to make it out of the slump on your own. Having someone showing you an alternative can work wonders to shift your perspective and enable you to take matters into your own hands again. For Viktor, this shift comes in form of a cute and utterly drunk fellow skater who not only seems to have a crush on him but very explicitly voices his wish that Viktor becomes his coach.

Viktor is a master of his craft. He choreographs his own programmes, he has music composed for these, and he has twenty years of experience in figure skating. Before that fateful banquet, Viktor already showed low-level coaching tendencies like when he gives (unsolicited) advice to his younger rinkmate...

or when he encourages him to become junior world champion without a quad jump and agrees to choreograph his first senior programmes.

These examples indicate that Viktor has a hidden skill he might not have been aware of during his active career as a skater. He could build on that if the sets his mind to it.

While it's true that Viktor only decided to become a coach when he saw that video (see Sayo Yamamoto's episode commentary), his feelings for Yuuri played a major role his decision because he felt a connection. That's important because feelings ignite passion and provide you with new purpose. It's tempting to assume that Viktor went to Japan for a booty call, but this totally disregards the complexity of his situation and the key role feelings play in igniting passion in someone and giving them new purpose.

"People shine brightest when they understand what kind of love sustains them."

Turning your life upside down and leaving behind the safety and convenience of a job you're good at but that you learned to hate, comes with fears and requires a certain readiness to take risks. Many people don't go to such lengths unless 1) their current situation is insufferable and 2) they have a very strong motivator to start all over. Like love or passion. As both stem from the same place, I'm equating them in the following.

Taking your first step into the uncharted territory of your new future IS scary. It can be one of the hardest things you have ever done. Especially if it means a complete reorientation. But burning for this future—be it out of love for your new subject/field, a specific person you will work with etc.—is a truly inspiring experience that fills you with the confidence that you can actually do it. So far, Viktor has been on the receiving end of coaching, but his feelings for Yuuri, his experience as a skater, and his resulting dedication to the task ultimately turn him into a good coach for Yuuri and help him succeed where Celestino failed. And it's obvious that Viktor really loves being Yuuri's coach.

Viktor Nikiforov is a true inspiration for everyone who faces the choice of staying on in a life or work situation that is making them miserable or going full risk by following one's heart. I cannot thank Sayo Yamamoto and Mitsurou Kubo enough for creating a show with so many mature characters that are dealing with realistic adult issues and I'm happy that one of my favourite YOI characters is one of them. I wish that Viktor would receive more appreciation for this.

I want to thank the reader of Thousand Spotlights whose comment about my portrayal of Viktor inspired me to finally write this post 🩷 Also many thanks to @cecebeanie for reading over it in advance 🩷

Please note:

In some cultures, changing your job frequently is normal and thus not a big thing for people, but the concept I've discussed is the universal.

This meta doesn't attempt to be a comprehensive analysis of Viktor's situation as this would have gone beyond the cope of this post (I have written other metas that discuss some of these). Viktor shows signs of depression and/or creative burnout that might or might not have to do with focusing on skating for most of his life. Depression can manifest itself differently in different people and no one's experience is less valid than someone else's.

If you enjoyed this meta, please consider giving me a follow or checking out my works on AO3 (link in bio), which build upon my analyses.

[sable-skies]

thought abt an au i doodled up months ago but never fully explored, so here's some concept designs for that. im gonna ramble about it now

+ height comparison under the keep reading!

god okay i gotta admit: i, unfortunately, kinda love game of thrones. truthfully i dont care for the sex and inc*st part of the show, but i really enjoy the interconnected weaving plot lines, drama, and utter bullshit that happens in that show. its amazing, i love it, its so fucking stupid. so earlier this year i doodled up some ideas for a game of thrones inspired post-totk au. those are here, and here!

I then dropped it and didnt return to it until now, because i started season 2 of house of the dragon and yknow. why not.

as for actual details about the au: i said in the past it was a got-loz au, but im gonna go ahead and say that i misspoke then because i mean more like, post-totk/loz au INSPIRED by got, because i would never want to do a 1-to-1 au of that god awful show. i mostly think exploring a hyrule that is peaceful, but secretly on the brink of civil chaos and how bad humanity could truly get would be really fun to explore!

i struggled to pick a single role for link to have in such an au, so i said fuck it and divided him up into four parts, in universe the hero's spirit has been split amongst four brothers. to nod towards this, and because i'm cheeky as hell, the first letters of each of their names spells link. Laurent, Irving, Nymos, and Kiran. (im so fucking funny (<- is not funny))

they're all noble born to Arthur Hearth, current lord of House Hearth which basically controls and sits on the Great Plateau, and their mother was Eyla, a member of the Sheikah from Kakariko Village who unfortunately passed away shortly after Kiran was born. Arthur btw is named after the King Arthur legends from Europe, as those served as inspiration for the series in general!

I think a plot would follow them all after the death of their father and how they cope with it and move forward, and how they combat suddenly being labeled traitors to the kingdom for their father's acclaimed crimes.

this is getting long, so I'll do some misc bullet points next on their personalities:

Laurent, as the oldest, had to mature pretty quickly after the death of their mother, Eyla. Which has caused him to grow protective of his younger brothers almost to an overbearing degree. He gets nervous when they're not home, which sucks because Irving is a knight, Nymos studies in Kakariko often, and Kiran wants to explore the world via the survey team. Other then that, he's responsible, quite serious in most situations, and still very kind hearted. After his father's death he starts to spiral into a rage-filled depression, determined to get his brothers back and make the king pay for killing his father.

Irving is the most middle child ever. Due to Laurent being in line for lord of their house and is never gonna back down from that, he sought his own purpose in being a royal knight / royal guardsman / kingsguard. It hasn't really worked out well for him honestly, his higher ups hate him for being Arthur's son, seemingly so naturally talented in combat, and charismatic amongst the ranks that some knights ignore their orders just to follow Irving's instead. So as punishment he's been assigned as the former princess Zelda's bodyguard / retainer. While it disappointed him to not serve his full duties at first, he's come to accept it and treats her kindly. He's proud, a little over-confident, just, and secretly a bleeding heart. After the death of their father, he's forced to choose between his family and Zelda, and knowing that Zelda will most likely die without him, he stays with her.

Nymos, oh poor fucking Nymos dude. As a child he fell into the depths and somehow survived, which was fine, but then he came across a patch of gloom that seemingly never faded, and ever since he's been cursed with doomed visions of the future and a talent for magic. No one believes him about the lingering gloom, and claims that he simply has PTSD from the incident in general, but he knows what he saw. He's sought out magical-based physical therapy in Kakariko because of this, and he's pretty much regarded as a local there. He's quiet, a bit withdrawn, pessimistic, but has a strong sense of justice and genuinely wants the best for those around him, even if he doesn't know how to say it properly. When Laurent and Irving are away, he's the one looking after Kiran and keeping him safe. When his father dies, he immediately starts to investigate the current monarchy for signs of dark magic tampering, which leads him down a rabbit hole he never even knew existed, all the while he's being tormented by visions of his brother dying gruesome and horrible deaths. he's forever an internal nervous WRECK

Kiran!! The baby!! Might be the most dangerous brother of the four, but we'll cover that later. As the resident youngest sibling he's naturally gotten away with pretty much everything and anything, because who can say no to those big baby blues. Thankfully he's not actually that destructive or ill-mannered, but he isn't above pulling a prank on someone for the fun of it. He yearns to leave home and explore the vast continent of Hyrule though, and shortly before everything goes wrong he's accepted into the Survey Team and gets to enjoy it for a bit. He's excitable, energetic, optimistic, and somewhat a handful (get this teen a child leash please) but he means well and is determined to get whatever is on his mind done and finished. He's the last to be told his father is dead as his team didn't tell him about the incident until suddenly there's a group of bandits attacking them and demanding they had Kiran over for ransom. Kiran goes willingly of course, as he doesn't want his team members to get hurt. He later falls into the depths and survives via the sail cloth around his shoulders and meets a strange little fox he calls Todd.

I have so many notes in my head about these guys but again, i'll shut up for now :] here are the heights!

btw; they're all based on a previous incarnation of link and a got character, if you figure it out I'll shake ur hand.

[generalllimaginesss]

"If you weren't my sibling you'd be my best friend." "I can most definitely be both?" "Nah."

hughes sister saying that to jack and being like he can’t be my brother and best friend because that’s already luke

I was waiting for this one!! I hope you like it!!

••

Jack wasn't the only middle child in the Hughes family, but he most definitely suffered from Middle Child Syndrome the most. Quinn was busy hanging out with his friends, and his younger two siblings always seemed to leave him out, whether that be on purpose or not was up for debate. Sometimes he just felt forgotten.

The truth is that Luke was like your child growing up. When he was a baby, he was basically a living babydoll. You dressed him up, helped feed him, bathe him, the whole ordeal. When he was old enough to walk, the trouble that the two of you got into was endless. He made sure that when he started to get serious about hockey that you didn't feel left out, always prioritizing your once a week gossip session that took place in your room as you did your skincare routine on you and him while catching him up with what's going on in your life.

The whole Hughes family knew the routine, no interrupting the gossip session, but Jack couldn't help but eaves drop on what you were telling Luke.

"...so I'm standing there, actually watching this dude lie straight through his teeth, telling me that he didn't try to hook up with my friend. Did he think she wouldn't send me the screenshots? I mean seriously..." Jack could hear through the rather thin walls from the place where he was standing in the hallway.

He was about to head to his room, but just as he was passing your bedroom door it opened, like a scene straight out of a movie, hitting him smack dab in the middle of his face.

"Dude this is sad. Are you this desperate to try to be in our circle?" Luke patted his brother on the shoulder as you got closer to the scene.

You and Luke communicated in almost a telepathic way, passing a glance that said it would be ok if Jack joined just this once.

"Come on you idiot," You took his arm and pull him into your room.

He looked between you and Luke, noticing some sort of mask covering both of your faces.

"What the fuck is on your face," Jack laughed as he started to pay attention to his younger brother.

"Don't knock it until you try it," He replied, sipping on a glass of water.

"So what brings you here today," You piped up, curious as to why your older brother was all of a sudden interested in your gossip day with Luke.

"I heard you talking about a boy," Admittedly, he knew it was kind of weird to be listening in on his little sister's love life, but he liked to think that they could be close enough to fill each other in on important information.

He noticed that you were preparing something, and then saw that you were coming towards him with whatever was already on Luke's face.

"No way in hell is that going on my face," He tried to defend himself, but Luke holding his arms behind his back revealed that there was no point in trying.

"If you want to be in on the gossip, you can't skip skincare," You said, applying the mask evenly over Jack's face.

"So you heard what I was saying?" You asked, biting your tongue and concentrating on not making a mess on your floor.

"Mhm," Jack hummed.

"Any advice?" You were actually curious about what he had to say considering he could be the type of dude to do some stupid shit like you had experienced.

"Don't give him the time of day. Know your worth. I mean you got some pretty badass brothers, so you shouldn't expect anything less from a guy," He advised, his eyes closed trying to avoid getting anything in them.

"I think that's why I keep getting disappointed. I mean, not counting Jack, you and Quinn set the bar high for expectations from a guy," Your comment is directed at Luke, but you give Jack a cheeky glance.

"Hey! I'm sitting right here..." He feigned hurt, his hand covering his heart to add to the dramatics.

"No, but seriously. Mom and Dad didn't raise you to settle. Don't compromise your standards for a guy that isn't worth it." Jack's advice was filled with love, something that he wasn't very serious about most of the time, especially with his siblings. They all loved each other, but they rarely expressed it through words.

"Thanks, Jack. You know, if you weren't my sibling you'd be my best friend," You passed him one of your headbands so that he would stop fidgeting and pushing his hair back with his fingers.

"I can most definitely be both?" He furrowed his eyebrows, confused on how he can only qualify for the sibling portion of your comment.

"Nah," Luke piped in, scrolling through his social media on his phone.

"And why's that," Jack questioned, watching as his two younger siblings began to look at each other.

"Listen, Jack. Bud. I love you, but as you can see my best friend slot is kind of filled by Luke. We do love you, though!" You called after him as he began to leave your room.

"Where are you going?" Luke called to Jack right behind you.

"To look for someone to fill my best friend slot since you two obviously have no availability!"

As if on cue, Quinn walked through the living room door, almost hitting Jack again.

"Watch where you're go-" He began, but as soon as he saw what was on his brother's face he folded over laughing.

"What is on your face?" Quinn asked between breaths, trying to hold his composure.

Jack flipped him off, but turned to the two younger siblings that were hanging out of your bedroom doorway.

"I'm sure Quinn would love to be my best friend," Jack narrowed his eyes at you, causing you to giggle.

"Not with whatever is on your face," Quinn chuckled and ruffled Jack's hair.

"I hate you all," Jack rolled his eyes as he made his way to his room.

Although he said it, he'd never mean it. Even if Luke was your so-called best friend, at the end of the day you all knew that it was the four of you against the world. You all would do anything for each other with no questions asked. The four of you may be dispersed across the country at any given point, but eventually you all would find your way home to each other.

“I’ll be your best friend, Jacky Boy,” Quinn knocked on Jack’s door, a suppressed laugh threatening to spill.

“Fuck off,” Jack threw back.

*

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*

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[burnyourtrains]

SDV Bachelor/ette Headcanons!!

I was peer pressured by @jessibbb into posting these <3 (also I'm on mobile so if it looks bad no it doesn't.)

ALso divider credits to the lovely @thecutestgrotto and @saradika

Done in alphabetical order, because we're not playing favorites here

Bachelors:

Alex

I feel like he was into band when he was younger and in school, but he got bullied for it, so he switched to gridball instead. He loves gridball, but sometimes he wonders what would have happened if he stuck with the trumpet.

Jess thinks he's short, but I don't think he'd have as much arrogance/confidence that he does in game if he were short. I think he does the hands on top of the doorframe thing.

To me, he was one of those semi-annoying popular guys in high school who would interrupt the class of the younger grade and ask the teacher if she missed him.

Takes skincare seriously (ty Haley)

Helps Evelyn in the kitchen and around the house

Shockingly handy? He's good at fixing things (doesn't want to be a burden on his grandparents, and he knows George feels bad that he can't do maintenance around the house.)

He and Haley have matching friendship bracelets

Elliot

(To the Elliot stans, I'm so sorry, but I cannot stand his character. Initially I was gonna marry him but then he started talking and I just Couldn't. So here's how I thought he was going to be. (I try to keep it somewhat similar to how he is in game but I just,,,,,,,))

Very romantic

Comes on too strong at first, but once he realizes he apologizes and learns how to be one of your really close friends (unless you ever want to be more, obvs)

Loves the drama of a historical romance

Adores Jane Austen

I feel like the game suggests that he isn't very tidy, but in my mind he keeps himself and his space neat and clean. (He might have a depression pit when he's feeling morose or lacking creativity, but he gets it together after a shower or a walk)

He's not egotistical (I also feel the game implies some of this), but he's not entirely humble, either. Very self-assured, but that could possibly be to mask that he really worries about whether or not his writing career will take off.

Harvey

(Jess drew little hearts around my notes for this one lmao)

Actually very sickly as a child, which I think had a huge factor in driving him into medicine.

Likes when the farmer does his nails. It's nice to have someone want to dote on him. (He ends up taking the polish off when he has to work for sanitary purposes, but that just means you can do them again later <3)

Secretly had a piercing at one point, but he was relatively anxious about having it, even though it made him feel good about himself. Possibly anxious because it didn't fit his "image"; he doesn't have it anymore. (He was So crazy in college literally what was he thinking??????) (it was a bellybutton piercing btw)

His guilty pleasure food is ice cream don't tell

Podcast lover. (Mainly medical and aerospace)

Sam

Mans has a mullet. I will not be accepting arguments at this time

He doesn't have a favorite color, but he really loves bright ones

Definitely has ear and possibly facial piercings

Idk where I'm getting this from, it's kind of based solely on vibes, but I feel like he might be colorblind?

Loves having his makeup done

Wears minimal jewelry, but is always wearing at least one ring, whether that's on a chain or on his finger depends on the day.

Sebastian

He gets called emo but I get more punk vibes from him

When you meet him he's just starting on his second sleeve tattoo

He uses candy cigarettes when he's trying to quit smoking, partially because he thinks it's funny, and partially just because he likes the sugar

I think he feels very stuck in the persona the town has given him, so he kind of just gives up after living there for so long on trying to convince people otherwise

Ear and eyebrow piercings, at least. Very willing to accept constructive criticism here.

Probably has the chain belt thing

Rings rings rings

Shane

I feel like he's either very tall, or very short, and I cannot decide which one

Cleans up very nice after he gets sober

Raises Jas more than Marnie does (Concerning bc alcoholism, but I can't stand Marnie so. The lesser of two evils I guess?)

Regularly takes walks to ward off dark thoughts

Keg king back in his college days

Bachelorettes

These are more look-based, since Jess and I were trying to do a redesign situation. The men I was struck with sudden inspiration and clarity for how to flesh out their personalities more, but I'll have to update the character work for the women when the creativity strikes.

Abigail

I kind of get undercut vibes from her

I think she has gages, for sure

Facial piercings but idk what most of them are called. Specifically a lip piercing

She has a small stick and poke that she, Sam, and Seb designed together

The big overlined lips that were popular in 2020 (might still be popular now but I'm no longer chronically online God bless)

Tattoo choker that was popular in the early 2000s

Big shaggy wolfcut

Elevated HotTopic vibes

Emily

Mixed metal jewelry queen

Wears multiple necklaces

Hippie-esque style (they really did her dirty with her game design she looks like s clown but she's so sweet that it's Criminal)

Crystal girly (a given)

Definitely has some sort of altar set up. Idk much about witchcraft so very loosely assigning her as a crystal witch

Really likes incense

Alice Cullen haircut, y'all know the one

Haley

She has such pretty lashes, I just know it

Big yabos

Her nails are always immaculate. Despite thinking her sister is weird, I think Emily is the one who learned how to give her acrylics

Alex is definitely the person she's closest to

I don't really have that many ides for her I'm sorry :(

Leah

Very wispy, ethereal hair (1908s aogg vibes)

Former hairdresser. While she still lived in the city, she went into cosmetology since it had the opportunity to be a creative career, and her partner at the time didn't really support her in her art (I think the partner bit is canon). Ultimately, she came to resent her job, and she left the city for Stardew Valley. I think she still uses the skills and knowledge she acquired when doing her own hair, and occasionally the hair of some of the residents in the valley.

Howl's Moving Castle earrings

Honestly Howl's Moving Castle vibes overall for her style I think

Dresses masc. but in a way that still comes off as feminine, if that makes sense. Think billowy white shirt from the male lead of a period drama

Most likely covered in some sort of art medium, (acrylics, wood shavings, oil paints, etc.), in a charming way, not an unclean way.

Maru

Minimal makeup, if any at all

She has cute little stud earrings she got as a kid (they're stars)

Has an astronomy charm bracelet, but it's only worn on special occasions. I think she'd be wearing it when she shows you the telescope and tries to confess her feelings for the first time.

She's a silver girly

Little baby hairs. Give my girl Maru better hair

Lowkey loves Hello Kitty (idk where this one came from but I feel it)

Penny

Bumper bangs. In general I get very 50s vibes for style

Doesn't think she'll ever leave Stardew Valley, so she doesn't really have any huge aspirations for herself anymore.

She mostly invests herself in teaching Vincent and Jas to the best of her ability.

Would have loved to be a teacher if she were to leave, but she worries about her mother, so she's never left

I know there are some ideas on here that seem insubstantial compared to others, but this is the best I can do currently! I'd love feedback, since I'm relatively new to the fandom and the game, but I hope you enjoyed!!

[dbnightingale24]

Fog In The Mind, Desire In The Heart

A Dark Curtis Everett Love Story

~~

Surprise! I decided to take a small break from the three novels I'm writing (I promise that your updates are coming!!), and finish the damn Curtis Everett one shot I promised you guys years ago. It may take me forever to get to the point, but I do eventually get there, in my defense. Anywho, this is a lot shorter than what you all are used to, but I hope you all enjoy it just the same! As always, thanks to the amazing @fuckingbyefor the moodboard! Here we go!

Word Count: 9911 (yes, you read that correctly)

Warnings: SMUT (MINORS DNI 18+), Slight Snowpiercer AU, Slight Age Gap between Edgar and Reader (work with me people), Curtis Everett, Daddy Kink, Non Con/Dub Con, Drinking, Plotting, Self Hate, Loathing, Betrayal, Swearing, Angst, Mild Violence, Anger, Pining...I think that's it?

Songs That Inspired This Story: I'd Walk Through Fire For You, Just Let Me Adore You

Summary: Everyone stuck in the tail section dreamed of a better life for themselves. Everyone except for Curtis. For him, his better life would start when you were happy and by his side, no matter who he had to force out of the way.

~~

I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to be posted/published elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

~~

For as much as you hate Curtis, he lives rent free in your head all day. You sit at the bar that Nam so lovingly bar tends day in and day out, listening in and out of the conversation he makes almost every night.

“Right now isn’t the time, but you’ll see...the world will be livable again. Maybe another year or so, but we’ll be able to get off of this fucking train,” he tells you tonight, an echo of the same thing he’s been saying every night for the last two years.

“What did Curtis say?” you snicker, putting your empty glass down as he reaches for your favorite poison: whiskey.

“He’s busy,” Nam simply shrugs, refilling your glass with ice and the dark brown liquid.

“When isn’t he?”

“Y/N, you know what happened to Edgar-”

“He’s gone, Nam,” you snap unintentionally. “Whatever the hell Curtis meant to happen, didn’t. Edgar has been dead for two years and all the while we wait for the great Curtis Everett to come up with a fucking plan to make all of this not seem so shit as it is,” you sigh before downing your drink.

Your reasons for hating Curtis are very simple and clear for everyone to understand.

Everyone except Curtis.

You remember when you first boarded onto the stupid train that “saved” your life. You remember them ripping you away from your Mother, who sacrificed herself so you could have a chance at life, and her promising you that she’d meet up with you later on in the train.

She never did.

You know she only did it because she knew it was the only way you’d board the train, but the anger feel towards her never leaves.

It never has and it never will. 

That was the first time you saw him.

You were put into a group of young teenage girls, a place you barely belonged since you were almost 17, and you felt a pair of eyes on you. 

It’s not like that was uncommon, but it didn’t help anything. In fact, as time went on, on the train, you found that a lot of men had their eyes on you. You were beautiful, soft spoken but also opinionated, and kind. You were so understanding and helpful, unlike almost everyone else on the train who gave up hope as soon as the doors closed.

They all did their best to make you notice them, Curtis more than most, but you were more than happy to keep to yourself. 

At least, that’s until Edgar came of age. While he was younger than you by a few years, he was persistent and the only one who could truly make you smile and laugh. For as tense and gloomy as things could be, Edgar always found a way to soften everything. The first few times he asked you out (well, too hangout on his bed), you said no because of the age difference. 

“Who cares?” he laughed as he followed you to the little hospital section they had set up in one of the train cars.

“Clearly I do!”

“It’s not that bad!”

“Edgar-”

“What could it hurt? We’ll split a protein block, a cup of water, talk a bit, and I’ll walk you back to your bunk. It’ll be fun!”

“Edgar-”

“You know you want to, I see it in your eyes.”

“No Edgar,” you smiled softly before making your way to the children’s bunks to read them a story.

“You’ll say yes, you’ll see!” he called with a soft smile, before he turned and made his way back to his bunk.

After that, he didn’t let up. He asked almost every day until you finally caved and said yes. From that moment on, you two inseparable (after you both finished your daily chores). You loved to spend time reading to the children and he was more than happy to accompany you. The kids loved him anyway.

“What do you think about us having one?” Edgar asked one night as you two laid together after sex.

“Having one what?”

“Child?”

“Fuck no!”

“Shh,” he laughed softly, stroking your hair. “Why not?”

“You can’t be serious, babe. We live on a fucking train, the shittiest part of the train I might add, the world is frozen, the front end comes and randomly takes children whenever they please-”

“It won’t always be like this, plus, Curtis has a plan.”

“Oh? What plan is that?” you scoffed

Edgar had always been Curtis’ biggest supporter.

“Why don’t you believe in him?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe in him, but I’m not willing to follow blindly behind him. Everyone else is, and I just don’t see a reason to,” you shrugged.

“Y/N-”

“You asked me a question and I gave you an answer. It’s not my fault that you don’t like the answer, baby.”

Curtis had always been the one thing that got in the way of your relationship with Edgar. Edgar would willingly follow Curtis, no matter what he said or what he did, and you weren’t buying into any of it. Sure, Curtis seemed nice enough and he was kind when he wanted to be, but there was also a silent anger to him. A silent anger that always seemed like it could go off at any time. 

Plus, it’s not exactly like he was thrilled when you and Edgar started seeing each other. Once again, a lot of the men weren’t, but everyone could see how happy you were. How well you and Edgar fit together. Curtis, on the other hand, rolled his eyes whenever he saw the two of you together. 

“Why don’t you come and help us tonight? You always have an idea-”

“No,” you laughed and Edgar scowled. “That’s your thing, not mine.”

“If you’d come, you’d see there’s nothing to hate about-”“I don’t hate Curtis!” you snapped softly and he rolled his eyes, “I just...something isn’t right there. You all just follow and believe everything that he says, and that’s not okay.”

“You always find a reason to doubt him and hes never given you a reason to.”

“And hes never given you a reason to trust him so much!”

“I’m not having another argument about this-”

“Good, because I’m tired of him somehow always becoming the center of our relationship.”

“Y/N-”

“You’re gonna be late. Go.”

You hated arguing so much with him about Curtis, but he didn’t know the things that you knew about him. Besides the fact that his eyes always lingered on you for far much longer than they should have, you knew about the things that Edgar was too young to remember. You knew what happened to his Mother, you knew what almost happened to Edgar, and you knew that Curtis would stop at nothing to get what he wanted.

Besides, by the way he watched you like you were his prey, you knew he’d stop at nothing to get you. So, when it was finally time for the “great uprising” you begged Edgar to stay behind with you.

“We’ve spent too long planning and plotting for me to stay behind-”

“You can stay with me!” you sobbed and he shook his head.

“Trust me! Believe in me! I can do this!”

“Edgar-”

“We’ll have a future, children, space-”

“I just want you! Please-”

“I’ll come back to you and you’ll see. I promise you, it’ll be okay. I love you.”

That was the last time you saw him alive.

When word got back to you how he’d been killed, and who let it happen, something inside you snapped. You became violent, you lost all patience, you attacked anyone who got in your way as you started on your own journey to the front, and you led everyone who had stayed behind to the front of the train with you. By the time you got there, Wilford had been killed and Curtis was the new leader. Of course, no one noticed all of the changes in Curtis’ attitude, as if you all owed him your lives, because he’d apparently made your lives better. He made changes that made years of suffering finally seem like they had been worth something. 

Everyone except you.

“Curtis wants to see you,” one of the girls tells you as she approaches the bar. 

Sansa, who’s his regular girl. 

“Just give him time,” Nam repeats softly, filling your glass one last time. 

You roll your eyes and down your drink before you follow Sansa to the very front of the train.

This isn’t the first time you’ve been called to his bedroom. Hell, it isn’t even the 100th time. Not long after the battle ended and changes were made, Curtis Everette made it very well known to everyone on the train, that you are his absolute favorite. Not so much with his words, but with his actions. He’d made it seem as if it were out of honor for Edgar, but the way he watched you let you know that, that was bullshit. No, he never called you into his bed, but he also made sure to never let you get close to another man again.

He made sure you never had to work, you never wanted for anything, you always had fresh clothes waiting for you, and you had one of the best rooms on the train. 

“Edgar sacrificed his life so you could have a better one. It only makes sense that you have the best of everything,” he whispered the night that he’d helped you settle into your new room.

In return, you’ve made it known that you’ll always despise him.

“What?” you snap the second you step foot inside his room.

He looks at you with his bourbon shot eyes, and you scoff. He’s in one of his moods.

“You could be a little nicer to me, Y/N.”

“Everyone on this train is nice enough to you. Now, what do you want? What’s the point of giving me a room if you never actually let me stay in it.”

“What’s wrong with you today?” he sneers, pouring himself another drink.

“You’re still here and Edgar isn’t.”

“Edgar made his choice-”

“Edgar worshiped you and blindly followed you into battle, and you couldn’t give less of a shit about what happened to him.”

“That’s not true!”

You scoff and narrow your eyes at him, “then why do you call me here every fucking night?”

“I’ve never done anything-”

“I know you’re not drunk enough to lie to me,” you warn with a snarl.

No, technically Curtis has never done anything to you, but hes found ways to...mess with you. 

He’s had you stay in the rooms while hes fooled around with other women, sometimes multiple at once, if he gets drunk enough, he watches you bathe and get dressed, hes gone out of his way to show you just how badly he wants you, and he never lets you stay away from him for too long. No, he’s never forced himself on you and taken you, but hes always been just a few steps away from doing so.

With Edgar out of the way, he’s free to do whatever he pleases.

However, the problem is, Curtis wants you to want him. He wants you to burn for him just as bad as he burns for you. At one point, that would’ve been possible. It was never that you found him unattractive or unapproachable, something just always seemed...off. Now that, that’s been confirmed, you’re repulsed by the man.

Even if you do still find him painfully attractive.

A sick smirk comes to his face as he makes his way over to you, “I’ve never done anything that haven’t found yourself enjoying.” “Yes, because I love spending my nights watching fuck other women.”

“Could be you.”

“You can let go of that dream. If it never happened before, it sure as fuck isn’t gonna happen now.”

Without warning, he’s gripping your neck tight and forcing you against the wall, and you do your best to ignore the fluttering feeling in your stomach.

“You can pretend all you want to, but I know how bad you want it. I hear you at night when you think I’m asleep. The pathetic little moans and whimpers, and your desperate begging.”

Your eyes go wide and he chuckles darkly.

“You’re not as slick as you think, honey.”

“It’s not for you, so don’t go getting a big ego.” “It sure as shit isn’t for Edgar, even when you were fucking him regularly. He could never truly satisfy you. Not in the way you needed.” “You’re a bastard!”

“How many times did you picture me every time he fucked you, hmm? How many times do you picture me when you’re alone in that cozy little room of yours?”

You don’t know what the hell has gotten into him, because he’s never been this forceful with you before.

“Never!”

“You should be thanking me,” he growls, his grip on your neck getting tighter as he leans in close. “Maybe I should stop being so fucking nice to you and just take it.” “Don’t you fucking dare!”

“What will you do, huh? The only crying you’ll be doing is when I’m done with you and you’re begging for more of my cock.”

Of all the fucking times to be turned on.

“Curtis-”

“You fucking want it,” he continues, “even now, I know that little pussy is crying to be touched. To fucked until it’s ruined!”

You push him off of you and glare at him.

“Admit it! You orchestrated all of this so you could-”

“He knew what he was getting himself into! He knew the chance he was taking-”

“He trusted you!”

“That was his fault!”

There it is.

“So you admit it!”

“I’d do it again! Why did he deserve you but I didn’t?! I still don’t?! After all I’ve done for you?!”

“You’re monster!”

“Sticks and stones,” he smirks before pressing you against the wall again. “Maybe I should show you just how much of a monster I am.”

His lips are on yours and when you try to push him off of you, he doubles down on his efforts. Squeezing at the stitches in his other arm, he hisses in pain, dropping his glass and backs up for just a moment. He slaps you hard before going in for another kiss, but you’re quick to knee him in the groin.

“Bitch!”

You’re quick to run out and make your way to room, not sure of where else there is to hide, and before you can slide the door close, he’s pushing you in and slamming it shut behind him.

“Get out!”

“Get on the fucking bed!” “Curtis-”

“Fine, you want this to be rough? I can be as rough as you want me to be, baby,” he promises as he locks the door.

“HELP!”

“No one is going to go against me, no one is going to save you, and no one is gonna feel bad for you. Scream all you fucking want, they’ll know you’re just enjoying it,” he promises with a sinister smile.

Seeing no other way out of this, you rush him against the wall and just start hitting him with all the power you have in your body.

“I’ve never had to work for it,” he taunts, easily pushing you back. “Never had to make a bitch admit just how bad she wants me!”

“I hate you! I want nothing to do with you!”

“Is that what you’d tell yourself every time you’d make eye contact with me while he was fucking you? Looking down at me as he fucked up into you, telling you just how much he loves and adores you?” he counters, easily wrapping an arm around your waist, easily throwing you down on the bed. “When you knew I was getting off to your hushed moans? You didn’t want anything to do with me then either? You didn’t want me making you scream?”

You hate that he has a point because, to an extent, you did want one him at one point. You wanted him bad. It’s part of why you’d turn down Edgar so many times. No, you never had any intention of pursuing Curtis, but you were attracted to him. Far more than you were to Edgar, and you felt incredibly guilty about it. You would’ve been content to be alone, but Edgar never relented and you eventually found it cute.

Of course you knew what Curtis was doing whenever the two of you locked eyes, but you truly never thought he’d let Edgar get killed so he could get you. The worst part of it is, even now that you know the truth of it all, you still want Curtis. In some sick way, the fact that he did something so horrible just to have you all to himself drove you insane in the worst way. You aren’t losing the fight because he’s overpowering you, you’re losing the fight because you’re tired of fighting it.

“Don’t get quiet on me now,” he snickers as pulls his top off and throws it across the room. “Don’t tell me that you’re a filthy little liar,” he presses as he rips your top open.

“Leave me alone!” “No, I’m done waiting around,” he husks, pulling your bra down. “Fuck!”

“Curtis-”

“You’re gonna shut the fuck up and you’re gonna enjoy everything daddy has to offer you,” he warns before dipping down and enveloping his right breast in his mouth; lewdly licking and sucking on it in the most depraved way.

“O-oh! Curtis!”

It’s been so long since you’ve been touched by anyone else.

“That’s right,” he mumbles before nipping on your nipple, while his other hand works on undoing your jeans, “I know exactly what you need, you little bitch.”

Your breathing comes heavier as his hand makes its way down into your panties, finding your overstimulated bundle of nerves.

“You’re fucking soaked!”

“Stop-”

“Stop fucking fighting me!” he warns, his other hand making it’s way around your throat. “You fucking want it! You’ve always fucking wanted it!”

You’re not sobbing because he’s doing something wrong, you’re sobbing because he’s right. Edgar would probably be alive if you’d just kept saying no to him.

“That’s right, baby. Just let me take care of you,” he moans, easily sliding a finger into you.

“Curtis,” you moan, bucking your hips forward.

“So beautiful, baby,” he coos, finally giving your other nipple attention, “waited so fucking long!”

“Oh fuck!”

You do your best to block out all images of Edgar and every feeling of guilt you felt. For whatever reason, Curtis wasn’t letting you go tonight and you didn’t want him to.

“You can barely take two fingers,” he groans, adding another thick finger to your sopping cunt as you rake your nails across his back. “Gonna have to get you ready for me. God, these fucking tits!” he husks.

“Please!” you whimper, feeling both pleasure and pain at the way he’s pulling you apart, “don’t fucking stop!”

“We’re gonna be at this a while,” he promises with a smirk as he picks up his pace. 

He resumes his assault on your left nipple for just a bit longer, before he finally starts leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses down your body, pulling your pants down along the way. 

You’ve never had a guy go down on you before. Before you’d been put on the train, you’d only had sex twice and the both of you were inexperienced. When you were with Edgar, you two weren’t free to explore much. The most you’d been able to do was give him a blowjob, even that was uncomfortable.

“So fuckin’ pretty for me,” Curtis purrs against your pussy lips, “been waitin’ for me.”

The first lick is just a tease and you whine in protest, the second is right against your clit and whine his name as you dig your nails into his shoulders, and with the third he’s finally diving right in and claiming you as his own with his tongue.

“Oh God! Don’t fucking stop!” you beg pathetically, your legs starting to tremble as he massages your clit with his thumb. “Fuck!”

The sounds of his of his pornographic moans and roughness of his beard on your thighs somehow make you even more feral, and you can’t resist looking down. The sight of him buried between your legs has you biting on your bottom lip to keep from screaming. As if he can sense your feral gaze on him, you he looks up with a devilish glint in his ocean blue eyes, which have now darkened with twinges of desire and lust, as he starts fucking you faster with his tongue.

Your mouth hangs open and you’re right on the edge when he removes his tongue.

“What the fuck?!” you cry out and he chuckles darkly.

“I shouldn’t fucking let you cum at all,” he bites as he thrusts two fingers inside of you, causing you to buck your hips forward, “but I’m gonna get this tight little pussy ready for me,” he promises again.

The intrusion of a third finger has you throwing your head back in both pleasure and pain, and you try to push his hand away.

“None of that, fucking take it! Take it and then you’re gonna take my fucking cock,” he demands gruffly, applying more pressure to your clit with his thumb.

“Ngh- too much! Curtis please!”

“Then fucking cum! What, you don’t know how? Was it really that bad with him?” he taunts with a condescending chuckle.

You shouldn’t clench around his fingers the way you do at that.

“Not such a fucking saint after all, huh? Just a hungry little cock whore. Say it,” he demands lowly.

Biting down on your lip to keep quiet, you shake your head ‘no’.

Slapping one of your tits hard, he repeats, “say it!”

“ ‘m a cock whore!” you cry out, squirting hard and coating his wrist.

That’s new.

“Jesus fuck,” he growls.

He fucks you through your high, lapping up the mess you made, while you try to come down from your high. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you know how wrong all of this is, but you can’t focus on that right now. The pleasure is all consuming, and you can’t think on anything other than how much you want Curtis.

How, in some dark and twisted way, you’ve always wanted Curtis.

The sound of him unzipping his pants brings you back to reality, and you know you’re going to hate yourself in the morning. Hell, you hate yourself now. 

“Don’t ever make me fight this fucking hard for you again, you understand me?” he warns, kicking his jeans and boxers off of him and your bed.

You watch him with wide eyes and it’s as if he can read your mind.

“Don’t you dare try and fucking run from me now. You’re mine, you’ve always been mine, and you’ll always be mine.”

He takes his angry red cock in his hand, stoking it a few times, before dipping down and kissing you like you’d finally been returned to him after years of being held captive. The taste of you and whiskey mix together perfectly, intoxicating you, and you moan into his mouth, as both of your tongues fight for dominance.

“You are mine,” he broods once you two break apart as he spears himself inside of you.

“Shit!”

He lets out a strangled groan, “gonna make you feel better than you ever have before!”

He’s relentless as he fucks into you, knowing exactly what you need as you trail kisses down his neck. 

“Y/N,” he whines when you find that spot on the crook of his neck, biting down on it hard before using your tongue to soothe the pain. “Fuck! What a good girl,” he praises and you flutter around his cock. “My pretty girl likes that? Being my good fuckin girl?”

You’ve never been so full in your life and the only response you can muster is a pathetic moan, sucking even harder on his neck. 

“That’s right, baby. Mark me up...make sure they know I’m yours,” he growls, using one hand to pin your waist down, while the other pins your hands down to the bed above your head.

You don’t even care that he’s using you as his own personal rag doll, because you need it. You both need it. So many years of anger, frustration, and denial have finally come to a head, and it feels good.

It feels so fucking good.

“Oh God! Daddy!” you cry out, wrapping a leg around his waist as he finds a spot within you that you didn’t even know existed.

“Fuck, there it is!”

“Too much!”

“No it’s not, you’re gonna make a mess for me again,” he demands as his movements start to become erratic. 

The hand he’s using to pin your waist to the bed travels down between the both of you, and you let out a choked sob as he starts to massage your clit.

“So beautiful, baby. Love you so fucking much,” he grunts, and you’re not sure if he means you or your pussy.

Your mind is so full of fog that you truly don’t give a fuck.

You turn your head away as you feel the knot in your core tighten and he whines, “look at me...waited so long, let me see you, baby. C’mon...let daddy see you come apart.”

Forcing your gaze on him, there’s something equally soft in his feral blue eyes, and you know you’re done for. No matter what you feel in the morning, you’ll want this again and again.

You’ll want him again and again.

A silent scream leaves your mouth as your orgasm washes over you, the leg around his waist falling to the side as you make a mess between the both of you.

“That’s a good girl...milk my fat fuckin’ cock, baby,” he groans, resting his forehead against yours as he paints your inner walls with his love.

Well, you’ve fucking done it now. 

He peppers soft kisses from your forehead to your cheek, as he rides out both of your highs, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he finally releases your arms. When he finally stills within you, half hard, you let your arms fall to your sides and close your eyes, feeling more full and desired than ever before.

Feeling more guilt than you ever have before.

You’re almost asleep when you hear, “clean daddy off, honey. We’re just getting started.”

He chuckles when he looks down at the confused look on your face.

“I told you: we’re gonna be at this for a while.”

You’re not sure what the hell has gotten into him, and why he’s so forceful tonight, but he keeps you up for hours in positions you’ve never even dreamed of. Exhausting your body over and over again, his lips covering every inch of your body that they can, and his hands exploring every part of you. It feels like heaven, and there’s a pitiful shame that washes over you with each orgasm. You lose count of how many times he tells you he loves you, and how perfect he thinks you are for him, and soon you’re just a mindless doll ready and willing to do anything he wants. You’ll give him anything as long as he continues to lessen the embarrassment that’s come with you finally giving yourself to him.

“That’s it, baby,” he grunts from behind as you lull your head back, “ride daddy’s dick just like that. Like a fucking cowgirl!”

“Ngh!”

“I know you’re tired,” he coos against your neck, his beard making you shutter as he strarts groping your breasts with both hands, “gonna fill your perfect little pussy one more time, I promise!”

The thought of you leaking with his release again has you clenching around him.

“You love being so full of me, don’t you?”

You just nod as you grip his thick thighs, digging your nails into them.

“I know, baby. Just needed daddy to show you who’s boss, didn’t you? Too ashamed to accept what I was so willing to give you,” he moans, kissing your neck as one of his hands travels between your thighs.

“DADDY!”

“So loud for me and I fucking love it! You’d never be this fuckin’ loud for him, would you?”

You lazily shake your head ‘no’.

“Didn’t deserve you...he couldn’t make you happy like I can. Like I always will,” he promises as he slaps your cunt.

That’s all it takes. You scream his name as your body spasms and you make a mess for what feels like the millionth time. He pulls you close, filling you to the brim, as your body relaxes against his.

“What a good girl,” he praises softly, his own breathing shallow as he guides your waist to ride out both of your orgasms.

You’ve never been so exhausted in your life.

You honestly have no control over your body at this point, so Curtis has to guide you off of him and onto the bed. You flinch when you feel some sort of fabric between your legs, cleaning you up.

“I know you’re sensitive, just a few more moments, baby,” he coos.

Well, he’s certainly much happier now that you’re a useless and mindless mess.

You feel the bed dip from behind you as he gets in, pulling the cover over the both of you before pulling you close to him. The fight that’s left in you isn’t enough to kill an ant. Instead, you just relax against him as you drift off into unconsciousness, hoping that all of this is just a very strong dream crafted from loneliness and desire.  

The last thing you hear before you succumb to darkness is, “I love you.”

~~

“Y/N,” a soft voice calls as a pair of hands shake your gently.

You blink a few times, coming back to reality and trying to separate your dreams from reality.

“Y/N? Curtis wants to see you in his room.”

Curtis.

All of a sudden the pain in your face and body catapult you back into reality. Shame washes over you, as well as an intense amount of guilt, and you curl into yourself. God, how could you give into him? How could you get off to some of the cruel and lewd things he said? What the fuck is wrong with you?

“Y/N? Did you hear me? Curtis-”

“No,” you respond softly, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself.

“He told me not to take ‘no’ for an answer,” the woman responds mournfully.

You say nothing, silently crying to yourself and wishing you were anywhere else. Wishing you could get away from your one true forbidden desire.

“Y/N, please,” the woman begs.

It’s not lost on you that she’ll more than likely have hell to pay, but you can’t face him. The more memories come flooding back, the more you want to the train to swallow you whole. To add insult to injury, arousal pools between your legs as desire takes over your body. What the hell came over the both of you last night, and why did you let it win? There was a time that you would’ve fought till the last breath in your body to keep Curtis off of you, but last night, you barely put up that much of a fight. You didn’t want to.

You hear your drawers open and what you assume are clothes landing on your bed, and you just pull the cover over your head. He got what he wanted out of you, so why can’t he leave you alone? What else could he want from you?

‘I love you.’

There’s no possible way he could’ve meant that. He was drunk. He treats every other woman on this train like his own personal pleasure toy, so what makes you any different? So special?

“What did I tell you last night about making me fight for you?”Curtis sighs as he walks into your room, closing the door shut behind him.

You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t even heard the woman leave.

  When you say nothing, he pulls the cover from you, “come on, Y/N. Don’t make me get forceful.”

You just pull your legs tighter to yourself and cry harder.

“What?”

“Please...just go away.”

“Y/N-” “You did it on purpose, Curtis. He loved you and you just...”

“You didn’t seem to mind that confession so much last night.”

“Which makes me just as awful as you if not worse,” you sob, once again realizing just how terrible you are. 

Edgar loved you unconditionally and you let the man responsible for his death fuck you like a beast, willingly giving him orgasm after orgasm.

“Honey,” Curtis tries to reason, going to touch your arm, but you pull away.

It’s insane how you can long for and hate someone’s touch so much at the same time.

Letting out another frustrated sigh, he pulls the cover back over your body and steps away, “fine.”

You can hear the pain in his voice, but he should feel like garbage. You both should. The sliding door to your room opens and closes again, and you’re finally on your own again. As you continue to cry, you if you’ll ever know peace again. If you aren’t, how long will it take you to allow yourself the comfort of Curtis?

Curtis’ P.O.V.

What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s not the first time I’ve gotten drunk and tormented you, but to attack you like that? Confess the truth in such a condescending way? Of course you want nothing to do with me now that the fog has cleared. Yes, what I did was fucked up, but I’ve been right about you since day one.

You wanted me all along.

It’s not like I didn’t care for Edgar, and he deserved more from me, but he didn’t deserve you. Watching him with you was like a knife to the chest every day. Hearing your moans and whimpers every night that he was inside you? Those were mine. They were for me. That’s why you always kept your eyes focused on me. You knew it just as well as I did. Maybe you’re the real monster in all of this, because you used him just as much as I envied him. 

You weren’t happy, you were never going to leave him, so I took charge. I didn’t expect for any of it to work out like it did, but it did nonetheless. I figured if I gave you enough time and space, you’d come to me, but my patience could only last so long. Venting to Nam night after night only helped so much. 

Two fucking years.

Two years of me watching you, two years of me making every other man on board afraid to get close to you, two years of me being a lesser version of myself...two years and you still never cracked. I have a fucking train to take care of, I couldn’t keep spending all of my time and energy just trying make you jealous enough to give him.

I was all set to let it go and let you do whatever the hell you wanted, until I walked past your train cart yesterday morning.

“Fuck Curtis...fuck me just like that,” you whimpered so softly, I thought I imagined it.

Looking into your room made me cum instantly. You were completely naked, eyes closed, head lulled back, and riding your pillow. You’d never looked so fucking hot before, and that was my name leaving your mouth. Not Edgar’s, mine. I no longer needed you to fucking say you were mine, but you’d just confirmed it.

“Gonna cum so soon, daddy! Fuck!”

I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and my frustration wouldn’t leave my body. Why the hell were you fighting something you so desperately wanted? 

Because you’re not a monster at all.

Even without my confession, you’d always known the truth. I could’ve saved Edgar, but I didn’t. I made a million excuses as to why I couldn’t, and everyone believed them. Everyone except you. Of course you wouldn’t allow yourself to be with me. Not without force. So, after I finished up everything I needed to take care, I got drunk. I had planned on being level headed, but you came in with that fucking attitude, and I fucking lost it.

How the hell were you annoyed with me? I made sure you had the best life, and you were still ungrateful. Once again, I could’ve saved Edgar, but you wouldn’t have left him. You would’ve married him and had his fucking his kids, and what right did he have to you? What right do any of the guys on this hell hole have to you? None of them will ever love you like I do, they’re not gonna satisfy you like I do, and they’re never gonna care for you like I do.

You just needed to be shown, so I decided that I was done waiting. I knew you’d put up a fight, but I didn’t expect it to get me so worked up. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard, but you were being difficult. Squeezing the stitches in my arm? You knew better than that. It wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped, but when you finally surrendered, it was more than worth it. You were a fucking dream, better than anything I’d ever had or imagined.

How could I feel bad about Edgar when I finally had you right where I wanted you? Where I’d always wanted you. I didn’t have to say all of things I did, but we both knew they were true. You’d always wanted me, he’d never truly satisfied you, and you’d always wanted me. Whatever your reasons were for choosing him over me didn’t matter anymore, because you finally admitted everything. Yeah, it bothered me that you never said ‘I love you’ back, but I also know I can’t have everything I want at once. I know you do, and when you’re ready, you’ll admit that too. 

“She’s not here,” Nam says softly, pulling me out of my thoughts as he enters.

“No, she’s back to hating me,” I mutter with an eye roll. “I did everything wrong.”

“Did you explain?”

“Nope, I did the exact opposite. I took what I wanted and expected her to fall in line.”

He lets out an irritated sigh as he runs a hand through his hair, “Curtis.”

“Yeah, I fucking know, alright?”

“What now?”

“I’ll go back and see her tonight. I’ll talk to her. She loves me, she just needs some encouragement to see it. To admit it.”

“Be gentle, Curtis. You get angry and you don’t think.”

He’s not wrong.

“Did you hurt her?”

“We both hurt each other, but it’s not like she didn’t like it.”

“Is that what happened to your arm?” he asks, pointing to the bruise.

I scoff with a nod, “yeah, little devil.”

“She’s tough, I’ll give her that,” he laughs, taking Kronole out of his pocket.

“Will you stop with that shit?!”

“You beat women, I get high,” he shrugs.

“I don’t beat women,” I quickly counter, trying to keep a lid on my anger.

I really didn’t mean to hit you so fucking hard. Fuck.

He just rolls his eyes, “Should I send Yona to look after her?”

“No, we have work to do and we need Yona and her ability. I’ll send one of the girls to check on her and give her food.”

I know I should be the one to do it but with how you were this morning, I know we’re basically right back where we started.

“Curtis, should I send for Y/N again?” Sansa asks, poking her head in, disdain dripping into her words.

I can see the pain in her eyes, but I can’t bring myself to feel bad. She may be a regular, but she always knew she wasn’t permanent. All of them know. 

“I’ll see to her later. Make sure no one comes in except Yona,” I instruct dismissively.

“Yes sir.”

Yeah, I’m an asshole, but I’m an asshole who’s in love with and made better by you. The sooner you see that, the sooner things will be as they should. In time, you’ll see.

In time, you’ll understand.

~~

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Here, take mine,” a deep soft voice told you.

You looked over to your right to see that Curtis had taken a seat next to you, and he was holding out his protein block.

You shook your head and pushed it away, “oh no, it’s perfectly fine-”

“You’re hungry-”

“What will you eat?”

“I don’t like the way they taste,” he shrugged.

You laughed to yourself, “no one likes the way they taste.”

“Won’t haunt you like the taste of human flesh though.”

He had a point there.

“Go on, take it,” he offered again.

“You have to eat something. We’re all barely hanging on as it is.”

“Y/N-”

You offered him a half smile, “we can split it.”

He contemplated your offer before he nodded, “deal.”

You miss that Curtis. The one who showed remorse for his actions, cared about those around him, and was actually trying to help everyone and not just himself. Ever since Gilliam took him under his wing, there was an heir of arrogance to him, and it made you want him that much less. It got worse after Edgar got killed and Gilliam soon followed.

God, how could you still fuck him after his confession? If anything, that should’ve made you fight harder. Instead, in a sick way, it turned you on even more because it showed you just how much he wanted you. How much he’d do to make sure you’d always be his and his alone. 

Maybe being on the train for so damn long that it’s fucked with you more than you thought, or maybe you’re just that awful.

The servers have been trying to feed you all day, but the only thing you’ve consumed is alcohol. It’s the only thing that’ll keep demons and thoughts of self-hatred at bay. Plus, for as much as you shouldn’t, you do feel bad for Curtis. The man told you he loves you a handful of times last night, brought you to euphoric bliss time and time again, and you let him hold you close last night, just so you could ice him out today.

As much as you don’t want to believe that the mad man loves you, somewhere deep down inside, you know it’s true. A man doesn’t let the closest person he has to a best friend die over someone he doesn’t love. Yes, you knew Edgar could get on his nerves sometimes, but never enough for Curtis ever want something truly awful to happen to him. It’s not like you ever meant for things to become a sick and twisted games, but they had and the end result was the sweetest man you’d ever known getting killed.

All of this was your fault.

“You haven’t eaten today,” a soft voice rings out, stepping into your room.

“Please go, Curtis. You got what you wanted. Just go, I’m sure Sansa and the others will be happy to keep you company tonight.”

He sits down in front of you and takes your face in his hands, “I don’t love Sansa and the others.”

“Curtis-”

“Why have you been crying all day?”

You’re more than sure the look on your face screams, ‘really?’.

“It’s not like it was something you didn’t already know-”

“Stop being so fucking callous about it!”

“Why? I’d do it again, honey. I have no problem admitting that. If I had to do it all over again, I would without hesitation.”

“What the fuck is the matter with you?!”

“I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve made that pretty clear for some time now, and I’m not going to watch you be with some other man. I don’t give a fuck who that man is.”

“You can literally have whoever else you want-”

You yelp when he effortlessly picks you up and pulls you into his lap.

“The world could be the way it’s supposed to be and I still wouldn’t want anyone else. You were meant for me and I was meant for you. If people have to die for you to understand that, then so be it. I will never love anyone the way I love you, so stop thinking that this is just some fling to me,” he warns, his gaze on you tense and serious.

His words should make you afraid of him but, instead, they make you want him more than you did the night before.

“You don’t-”

“Who else do you want me to make disappear, hmm? How do I make you believe me?”

“Curtis...stop.”

“I love you.”

“That’s not love-”

“Why should I go about this the normal way? We’ve all had to fight to stay here, and I’m willing to fight for you. I will always fight for you because you’re mine, just like I’m yours. I love you.”

For now, you’ll just blame the alcohol as you lean in and kiss him softly. Just like the night before, he runs one of his hands through your hair and grips it tight as he deepens the kiss, his other arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you as close as possible.

He broods against your lips once you two break apart, “that’s right, baby. You’ll always be mine.”

“This isn’t right-” “Who gives a fuck about right and wrong when it feels this fucking good?”

“Curtis...”

“Just give into me,” he pleads before kissing you again, “give into me because you love me just as much as I love you.”

Once again, the fight leaves your body and you’re just giving into what you want. You kiss him deeply as your legs wrap around his waist, grinding against him. 

“That’s it honey,” he breathes with a moan, the tip of his nose ghosting over the outline of your cheek. “I won’t take anything you don’t wanna give me. Just like last night.”

You know good and damn well he’s saying that because last night he did force himself on you, but you both knew you were desperate for it. You both know you’ve been desperate for him for a while. It’s evident that he wants you to acknowledge that, but he’s gonna need to work a little harder for that. 

“If you truly love me, then show me,” you sigh as he bites and sucks on your neck. “Show me how much you need me to be yours.”

You must have awakened something feral in him because, instantly, he’s picking you up and standing up with almost no effort at all, and carrying you out of your room, quickly make his way towards his. Part of you wants to protest, because you’ve seen what he’s done with other women in his bed, but another part of you is desperate for it because it is his bed. Anyone else who was on it before you won’t ever matter again, because you’re all he needs.

He growls as he tosses you onto his bed, “take your fucking shirt off before I rip it off.”

You honestly don’t need much prompting. Between the amount of alcohol coursing through you, and the desire that you’ve been suppressing for years, you’re once again willing and ready to do anything that he wants. You whimper when he pulls his off and tosses it to the side, quickly getting to work on undoing his pants.

Yeah, you’re still sore from yesterday, but the pleasure always outweighs. You’ll take aspirin after.

“I thought I already fucking showed you,” he husks roughly, fitting your legs around his waist once on the bed and on his haunches. “I didn’t get my point across last night?”

You bite your lip and shake your head no, holding his gaze as you wrap your arms around him. 

He smirks as that devilish glint comes back to his eyes, “let me be firmer this time,” forcing you down on his cock.

“AH SHIT!”

He keeps a firm hold on your waist as he starts bouncing you up and down on his cock, “you’re mine, Y/N. Always have been and you always will be!”

You cry out as you lull your head back, “oh fuck, daddy!”

“Eyes on me, baby. Gonna make sure it sinks in this time,” he chuckles darkly.

Honestly, all you can do is hold on to him, and he doesn’t even make that easy. He spits on your cunt a few times before easily wrapping one arm behind your waist to keep you in place, and shamelessly slapping your clit with the other hand.

“Please....please!”

His condescending chuckle only makes you clench around him, “fucking pathetic.”

He dips down, the tip of his tongue lightly licking between your breasts and moaning as he licks up the sweat, before latching his mouth onto your right nipple and sucking on it as if it’s his favorite lollipop to exist.

You whimper, feeling safe in his strong hold, as you run a hand through his buzzed hair, “feels so good, daddy! The way you love me feels so good!”

Releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, he looks up with brooding dark eyes, “and no one else will ever make it feel this good,” he promises.

Without warning, he starts massaging your clit with more pressure than you’re prepared for, and you’re screaming out his name as you make a mess between the both of you.

“So messy and all mine,” he praises, his voice strained as continues to fuck up into you. “Always been all mine, haven’t you?”

Once again, you’ve been turned into a mindlessly babbling toy.

“No answer?” he taunts, his breathing as he stops all together, laughing sadistically at your pathetic whimper. “Guess daddy still hasn’t made his point clear.”

He drops you down onto the bed, flips you over with ease, fixes your knees so your ass is propped in the air, before thrusting himself inside of you again.

“Aht!”

“You’ve always been mine, haven’t you?” he growls, fucking into hard and fast.

You just whimper into his pillow as claw at his bed, but he isn’t having that. Wrapping one arm around your waist and snaking it up between your breasts, he grips your throat while the other hand grips your hair tight, and he pulls you right.

“Use your fucking words,” he demands gruffly, fucking into you harder, “you’ve always been mine?”

“Y-yes!”

“Yes who?”

“Y-yes...y-y-yes daddy!”

“Always gonna be mine?”

“A-an-anything you w-want!”

He growls into your neck as you feel him spill into you, “fuck baby!”

Once again, there’s nothing going through your mind but fog and your body is exhausted. If he wants more from you, you’ll give it to him, but you can honestly fall asleep in his hold right now. He loosens his grip on your neck, and you take a deep breath, not even realizing how tight he’d been holding onto you. Lazily fucking you both through your high, he presses small, wet, open mouthed kisses along your neck.

His breath comes heavy and he sounds just as tired as you feel, “get the message this time?”

You nod as weakly attempt to fight off sleep, “mhm, you love me.”

The next question comes with a hint of fear, “do you believe me?”

“Mhm, yes.”

“Do you love me?”

The answer comes effortlessly, “yes Curtis.”

He’s gentle with you as he pulls out, growling as he watches the mix of your juices run down your thighs, and he lays you down. Once again, you wince when some fabric gently wipes over your extremely raw and sensitive flesh, and he gently hushes you. This time, when he gets in bed with you, you’re pulling him close and resting your head on his chest.

You’re too tired to fight it.

“I love you,” you repeat before effortlessly falling asleep.

~~

Once again, when you make up, you need a moment to adjust to your surroundings. The soreness is quicker to make your acquaintance this time, and you remember that you’re in Curtis’ room.

The very front of the train.

That’s when you realize you’re alone in his bed, and you’re slow to sit up and look around.

“I’m here,” he calls softly.

You look to the side and see him sitting across the room, sweatpants on only, hunched over, and resting his head on his hands.

“You should lay back down, I’m sure you’re sore.”

You keep your eyes on him as you slowly lay back down, “what’s wrong?”

He’s not wrong about you being sore. 

“Nothing-”

Scoffing as you prop yourself up on your elbow and rest your head on your hand, “you’re gonna start lying to me after the last two days we’ve spent together?” and he laughs softly.

“It doesn’t matter right now-”

“Curtis, what’s wrong?”

There’s a softness to his features, and it’s a softness you haven’t seen in a long time.

“I love you.”

You look down and play with the hem of the bed sheet.

“That’s the problem right there.”

“Curtis-” He sighs as he sits up, “I’m not complaining.”

“It’s not so easy for me, okay?”

“It was last night when you were drunk, and I fucking knew better. I knew better, but my emotions...” “There’s a lot that I have to come to terms with, and I’ve only had two days to do it.”

“Well, do you?” “Curtis-”

“It’s a simple yes or no question-”

“It’s not simple! I was with Edgar, and no matter how I may or may not have always felt about you, I did love him and you let him get killed. No, I’m not innocent in all of this, but he loved and trusted him and you betrayed him.”

“That was different-” “How? How am I supposed to know you won’t ever do something like that to me?”

“Because this is different! This isn’t even remotely close...since I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were meant for me, and I for you. I may have been 17, but I’d never been so sure of anything in my life. I still haven’t been,” he states, slightly hurt that you would even make a claim like that. “I know what I did was fucked up, that’s not lost on either of us, and I’ve done my best to show and prove to you that I’m sorry, because it wasn’t right. Edgar didn’t know, but you did. You knew and you felt the same for me.”

“Curtis-”

“Well you did, you can deny it all you want, but we both know it’s true.”

“It doesn’t matter-” “Well, why you’d pick him?”

You scowl and lay on your back, “you don’t want the honest answer to that question.” “I can handle it.” “Lets not-”

“Just tell me!’

“I really don’t think I need to, Curtis! There’s something wrong with you! Something in you is unhinged and it shows!” you snap, sitting up and facing him.

He sits back and lets out a heavy sigh, and it breaks your heart, but he’s the one who wants to know so bad. 

When he says nothing, you continue, “there’s something that flips a switch in you, and this darkness comes over you. You’re moody, argumentative, and violent. Anything can set it off and, while I get it to an extent, enough shit had happened and I didn’t want to deal with it. You would be so soft with me at times, but you could easily lose your temper with anyone else...with the exception of Gilliam. Edgar was kind, funny, and sweet. No, it wasn’t ideal, but I felt safe with him and I didn’t have to worry about him losing his shit on me. So yes, I had feelings for you, but I chose him. I know you took him under your wing out of guilt, but you were also jealous. The more he trusted you, the more you took advantage of that. It made me resent him. Then, when he went off with you for the uprising, I knew he wasn’t coming back. You wouldn’t let him.”

You can see the anger in his eyes, but he knows that he can’t call you a liar. Everything you’re saying is true and he’s not about to try and make a fool out of you.

“I did it for you,” he responds after a moment. “You don’t have to believe it, and I know you didn’t see it, but I did it for you. I’ve always wanted to keep you safe, take care of you, and have you by my side. Everything I’ve done has been for you, and while some of it has been less than humane, I’d do it again if it meant you could be happy. If it means you can have a better life, I’ll do it, and I don’t care who I have to hurt.”

“Curtis-”

“I don’t care how crazy any of it sounds, because you have to be crazy to survive in this world. I’d do anything to give you a better life and see you happy. I love you, Y/N,” he tells you softly and sincerely.

You shouldn’t feel an overwhelming amount or love and joy for him, but that doesn’t stop it from washing over you. Is there a shrink on this fucking train, because you both need your fucking heads examined.

“I’ll ask you again, do you love me?”

Slipping out before you have a chance to stop it, “yes. Yes Curtis, I love you.”

Your heart swells at the small smile that comes to his face, as he finally gets up and makes his way back to the bed, and gets in next to you. You ignore the shameful amount of guilt that overcomes you, because what happened in the past can’t be changed. All that counts is right now and the future you and Curtis will create together. 

You rest your head on his chest and make little circles it, “how are you so sure, Curtis?”

“So sure of what?” he asks, stroking your shoulder and finally relaxing.

“That you love me. How do you know it’s not just an overwhelming sense of lust?”

He laughs to himself and kisses the top of your head, “because when all the fog in my mind settles, there’s still a burning desire for you in my heart. A burning desire to protect you, make you happy, hear your voice, see you smile, and to love you until there’s no breath left in my body. When the fog clears, there’s always a desire to love you with everything I have in me.”

Pressing a soft kiss to his chest, you look up at him, “I’m sorry it took me so long to finally get here.”

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry, just promise to never leave.”

“I promise.”

“I love you, honey.”

“I love you, Curtis.” 

[callmehere-iwillappear]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

this has been sitting in my drafts for probably months and i actually don't remember who tagged me at this point sorry </3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

168,724

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently just rise but i've had some other fandoms i've written for in the past

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

call me here (i will appear) Use Only For Intended Purpose The Idiot's Guide to Blindfold Chess new phone who dis because i fear i'm lost (and i cannot be found again) wow big surprise(/s) all of these are rise al;jfldksjfkd

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to but uh </3 i am not very good at it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm. probably waiting for answers, wasting time bc even if u know the comfort and healing comes there very much isn't any in the fic itself so whoops </3 i am not good at hurt/no comfort so i don't. have a lot of fics that would really qualify

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uuhhhhh ig fibonacci? most of my fics have relatively happy endings and. this is the one with the least angst overall so

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do not alfjdlkjfkdls

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

imma keep it real with you chief most of the crossovers that i've written are with other people's aus and idk if that counts

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of fingers crossed

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeesssss? sorta? it's not like, on ao3 but i've done some collab crossover stuff with friends (see aforementioned crossover question)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

god idk. i don't do a lot of shipping these days sorry </3 i have some ships i think are cute but i'm not like, into them enough to say they really qualify

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i want to finish idiot's guide and cmh very very badly and i refuse to jinx it. idk abt npwd solely because of like the type of fic it is, idk if it'll ever be finished finished yk. like there'll always be more little scenes i can do

16. What are your writing strengths?

um. i've been told i'm good at character voice

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

sweats nervously

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it? i probably wouldn't unless it was like, just a couple words - i don't mind too much when other ppl do it bc i have a translation extension on my laptop but i don't have many options when i'm on my phone

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who........ i was like. god idek. fifteen? maybe younger i straight up don't remember <- also none of this is on ao3 this was like, back in my ff.net days and i don't think i even remember my login lmao

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmm hm hm. okay. probably because i fear i'm lost. just bc like... idk i'm proud of how it turned out and i'm really . idk. happy with the reception it got. i'm happy it reached people who can relate to it. and it's short enough that there's not like, enough space for there to be parts where i just have to force myself to write stuff i'm not 100% happy with to fill in the gaps. if that makes sense

tagging: You

[mohs-aphmau-hcs]

Ooooooo. Do you have any agere headcanons for Garroth, Laurence, Travis and Dante? I’m obsessed with your agere stuff :)

thank you anon!! ik I'm answering these, super late but still sbhdf

I love the idea of boy house sleepovers/playdates when they're regressed!! complete with blanket forts, video games, pizza, someone probably brought battery acid [the drink], everything you'd expect at a boy's sleepover

long analysis after read more, this ask got my brain turning sjdnf, might revise some other HC lists sometime too, and add more detail like in this one to make it fair ! [I definitely don't have a favorite group of characters and its definitely not the most basic favorite group of characters ever in this fandom pssh ]

I also want to clarify since I don't think I have before, while I post a lot about agere and everything is absolutely 100% SFW always, that does not always mean my HCs are safe to read when regressed!! I am someone who's experienced this for a long time and consider myself very well read/educated on this topic, so I talk about all parts of regression. including the messy/scary parts like trauma caused regression, involuntary and stress induced regression, innerchild care and healing, regression brought on by mental health disorders, everything. AgeRegression is a complex topic and mental state, a lot about it is fun, enjoyable, gives people a sense of community, and a safe space to heal. But its not always sunshine and rainbows especially for trauma survivors and I like giving representation to that side of it in my writing

Obviously regressors are 100% welcome on my blog! but when going through agere HCs pleasepleaseplease just keep in mind there might be some more heavy topics discussed if you are not able to handle those at that time !

I feel like Garroth would regress a few times a month on purpose to destress with loved ones. But I also feel like he would experience some forms of involuntary regression at certain points of his life, like the rest of the Ro'meaves, this is a trauma response

Garroth would probably regress from 3 - 10, lots of smiles, constantly needs to be hugging something or someone. He most likely has some type of security blanket or stuffie he carries around

Similar to Zane he might have some hang-ups at first with insecurities surrounding his coping mechanism, because of beliefs their father instilled in them. But he definitely learns to accept his childlike states a lot sooner than Zane despite Zane experiencing them more often

The person he'd trust most as a CG would most likely be Laurance, but he's also a very trusting and loving little guy so I think hed honestly go to anyone who knows about his regression and is willing/able to be with him and help in those moments

["...Dante?"

"Yeah bro- oh hey, Aww.. heyhey cmere, you alright little grizzly bear?"

"Mhm- jus..Wanted a hug"

"Aw, alright I got you bud. You want to go play legos until Laur and Travis get home?"

"Mhm!"]

Laurance would be a lot more reluctant to regress around people despite desperately needing care and guidance

He's a character whos used to taking care of others and being kind of like the ring leader, he often falls into a caregiver role, but feels wrong letting others care for him.

Obviously, if Laurance voices that he genuinely doesn't want to be regressed and needs help coming out of it, Garroth will respect this. But sometimes Laurance recognizes that he just needs a little nudge to help him not worry so much ab others and let himself relax and Garroth knows this too

He regresses between the ages of 4 - 13 normally and drops down younger when very stressed.

If he does let someone know he's regressing, it will most likely be Garroth. In my HCs the boys are poly and obviously, everyone is equally loved and trusted, But Laurance and Garroth have a specific bond, mainly through being together through many hard moments, that make them more likely to go to the other when they need emotional support in a more intense or constant way.

Sometimes stress becomes too much even for him and he struggles to hide his regressed states, usually, this is when Garroth picks up on this and goes full papa bear mode. Making sure not to overwhelm him, and help him ease into being more comfortable since being vulnerable or letting other people take care of him can be an anxiety trigger, even though he does need it sometimes

When he does let himself regress, he usually just wants to cuddle

Quiet nights spent on the couch or in bed, listening to music while being held or rocked to sleep, or watching tv with some popcorn and a blanket

Him and Garroth also have. So many petnames and nicknames for each other both regression-wise and just in general

Me and Squid both HC Laurance to be a meifwa, when he's small he loves having his ears scratched and pet! kind of like playing with somebodies hair

He normally becomes pretty quiet when regressed, even if he's older

Usually just communicating with points and gestures, or small noises

TLDR: Laur needs to regress more to handle stress, he doesn't let himself, Garroth makes sure he still has that time for himself to relax and get cuddles

Travis would probably be a near life-long regressor due to a mix of mental health and neurodiversity, and trauma from a young age.

I could imagine them regressing younger or older, but honestly usually 3 - 4

They'd make huge pillow forts and blanket nests all the time, partly for comfort, and partly because when small its harder for them to mask demon instincts!! So they like having a small cavelike place to hide

Sometimes their regression can be flashback or fear caused, they've be through a lot and most of what they've been though happened as a kid. So sometimes a flashback can put them back in the mindset

When this happens they really only have a very small group of people their able to turn to and feel safe with, one obviously being Dante

Dante is also who they go to the most when they need a caregiver

Unless their regressed a bit older and more energetic, space for them is very very quiet and relaxing. Usually ending up in big blanket piles watching cartoons with some snacks

When their regressed, it's also a lot harder for them to hide in their human form which is another reason they normally go to Dante (I hc that Dante was the only person to know Travis is a demon in seasons 1 - 5 besides them and Terry)

Dante would definitely regress to around 8 - 10, big kiddo ages and energy to match!

If he doesn't get to a park within the first 5 minutes he is bolting to the backyard to run around and play with whatever he can find

He loves swings and seesaws, definitely stims on swings !

Sometimes he does go a bit younger, around 3 or 4

When this happens he's usually just as excited, but probably not running around as much. He's more likly to be playing some toddler apps on his phone or kicking his feet and watching animewith some juice(specfically bug juice if you know what that is, loved that shit growing up)

He's honestly comfortable being with anyone as his caregiver, obviously happens with Travis a tiny bit more because I see them as inseparable. But he's just as happy cuddling up with laurance or garroth, or even Aphmau and Aaron, and in later seasons especially Zane

He's just a little guy that's happy to be here

I feel like his head would tilt a bit when confused

In my aus and headcanons where Gene redeems himself, as adults when they regress together they still keep that playful sibling dynamic! And a lot of times gene will step up as a platonic caregiver since he knows all of Dantes old favorite cartoons and games from childhood

It took me, so long to finish this post but I'm really happy with it and I hope you all still keep enjoying my agere content!

[citrinekay]

What’s Beyond Evil about? What about it do you love?

Hello, thanks for the questions! I'm always happy to promo Beyond Evil and gush about why it's 16 of some of the best episodes of television I've ever watched 😊 Assuming this ask is for recommendation purposes, I'll try to keep my explanation mostly spoiler free.

Plot-wise, Beyond Evil is about a 20 year old serial murder case that took place in the fictional small town of Manyang. Lee Dong-sik, local dilf nutjob, was accused of doing the crimes, including killing is own twin sister. He has since become a police inspector in Manyang (returning home 18 years after the murder accusations because an investigation went wrong while he was stationed in Seoul.) Han Joo-won, the son of the Deputy Commsioner of the Korean police force and previously an inspector himself in Foreign Affairs division, comes to Manyang specifically to catch Dong-sik, who he believes to be the killer based on other crimes he was investigating at Foreign Affairs. They are quickly assigned as partners, much to both of their displeasure. (Dong-sik doesn't like Joo-won's snooty, rich city kid attitude and Joo-won wanted to surveil Dong-sik discreetly for his private investigation). What can be described as a cat-and-mouse game between them ensues when a new murder occurs with the same MO as the cases from 20 years ago, exacerbating Joo-won's determination to catch Dong-sik at all costs. But wait, the preppy little hot-shot from Seoul has some secrets of his own and motivations for being in Manyang that aren't purely moralistic or justified ... Most of the show involves them trying to solve the crimes and importantly, the consequences that occur when the answers are revealed.

What I like about Beyond Evil ... well I could probably talk about it all day but I'll try to condense it down into a few bullet points:

The characters - they are all fleshed out, flawed, realistic, and compelling, even the "bad guys". Friendships of all genders and ages are included. The idea of family and what makes people family by blood or choice gets discussed in almost every episode. The people who are portrayed as lifelong friends do genuinely seem like they love and care for one another in an organic way. I don't think there's a character in this show that I don't love for one reason or another even if it is just loving to hate them.

It's a "cop" show that is kind of ACAB tbh. The police are portrayed in a unflattering light unlike most American dramas. The rules surrounding how and when missing persons can be looked for and how the investigations into the various female victims are conducted based either negative or positive societal reactions to the victims are criticized at every turn. In the end, you're left with a lot of questions about how the justice system could be improved but the realization that any kind of change won't be simple or easy

Segueing off the prior point, the victims and their families are the main focus. There's no understand or sensationalizing the killer and the criminals. Trauma, and the lingering affects of a family member being killed, is a major theme that often gets excluded in mainstream crime dramas.

My main pairing. When it comes to Joo-won and Dong-sik, the writers really revolutionized the older jaded cop vs. the younger hot-shot rookie trope. Their relationship is so fascinating and unique. It could be a recipe for disaster or a very mutually advantageous partnership, depending on the situation lol The push-pull between them never fails to satisfy. I love examining power dynamics in my pairings and this one has it in spades. Shipping aside though, the evolution of their relationship and the way Shin Ha-kyun and Yeo Jin-goo portray the characters and how their chemistry ignites onscreen is, in my opinion, a major selling point for the show.

The themes - justice, injustice, atonement, redemption, despair, healing, what it means to be vulnerable and give someone else the power to destroy you or restore you, food as a love language ... Above all, this show is about love

While I feel I've only scratched the surface of explaining why I love this show and would recommend it to everyone, I'll stop here so I don't give away too much. If you do happen to watch the show based on this answer, I hope you enjoy it as much as me!! Thanks again and have a lovely day 🥰

[jinxthejubilee]

Venus de Milo - We Need to Talk

Because I'm desperate to see Rise of Tmnt get a third season, I need to talk about it more. And for that, I must ask this question: What do you guys think of Venus de Milo?

Honestly, I think she could be a great addition to the series. Pretty much anything they do with her would be better than the disgrace that was The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation.

I feel really bad for her because the writers never gave her a chance to be her own character. They just fell back on a bunch of period-typical tropes for female characters and never even utilized those tropes in an interesting way.

So if Venus was in ROTTMNT, here are the questions/ideas I have for both the writers, and the audience:

Since the boys are all four different species of turtles, what kind of turtle would she be?

(Maybe a diamondback?)

What color should her mask be?

It shouldn't be just a lighter color of one of the boys, she needs to be distinct.

I would say yellow, but that's Jennika's color.

Maybe silver?

Should they change her name to an actual female Renaissance artist?

If so, what would it be? And if not, what is the backstory of how she was named "Venus de Milo?"

If they keep her as the long lost sister of our main 4, how did she get separated from them in the first place?

Did Draxum keep her separated on purpose before they all got mutated?

Was she thrown out because Draxum no longer thought she was a suitable candidate for his experiments?

What was the reason?

How would they all meet each other?

Probably fighting each other, if I'm being honest. That's basically how they've met everyone in this series.

What would her weapon be?

I would say a fan, but people might be bothered that they assigned a traditionally "feminine" weapon to the only other girl in the group.

Maybe the tetsubo?

The kyoketsu-shoge?

Either way, she needs her own weapon unless they want to keep her magical powers from the original show, which would actually work really well in this particular series.

How would the creators revamp her personality?

Raphael in this series is kinda like a den mother already, so if they keep that aspect of her character the same as she was in The Next Mutation, they may need to dial that back a notch.

Maybe she could be very shy, skittish, and awkward, but once she warms up to her family and friends' love and acceptance, she gets more excitable and fun.

Also, maybe replace "motherly" with just "very formal," as in she speaks very formally and has a hard time loosening up around people.

She can still have that somewhat oblivious nature when it comes to references and cultural idioms, like she did in The Next Mutation, but not too much to the point that it becomes annoying. She just doesn't know how to interact normally due to her upbringing.

I've seen art and a few stories like this before, but what if before Draxum became a good guy (or this could be Big Mama, whoever works), he created Venus by mutating her with a small sample of Splinter's DNA?

If not a baby, then a little girl? Around 10 years old or so? Just throwing some ideas out there.

Which goes into my next question: Should Venus be older or younger than Mikey?

We all know that Mikey is baby, and people might want him to stay that way.

Unless they want Mikey to be the older brother for once and be the best and awesomest big brother ever!

I'd say this is less likely to happen though.

The most likely option is Venus being older than Mikey, but younger than Leo and Donnie.

I can dig the awkward big sister and excitable little brother dynamic.

Another idea that I saw was making Venus the same age as Leo and Donnie so that the three of them could be "triplets," and personally, I love that idea.

Speaking of Big Mama, I saw some people speculating that this person:

Might be Venus, who works for Big Mama.

That could be an interesting take on her.

Maybe after Draxum threw her out, she was found by Big Mama or one of workers and now serves under her.

Building up relationships

This is definitely going to be a separate discussion for another day, but Venus' relationships with everybody could be an awesome topic to explore.

The personalities of every single character in this show are very distinct and they bounce off each other very well, so what would happen if you throw Venus into the mix?

First off, getting rid of the idea of Venus as a love interest is a must since she will be revamped as their sister.

The boys are used to having a older sister figure in their lives because of April, so how would having a younger sister work?

Raph would obviously be a bit overprotective as usual, making sure she's comfortable and feels safe around them, which depending on her personality, she could appreciate it immensely, or not, but for the sake of his feelings, she doesn't say anything.

Donnie would be happy to have another person to show off his inventions, and they could bond over her actually taking interest in what he has to say.

Leo would be the one she talks to/is the most comfortable around, since he's pretty chill and understands that he shouldn't overwhelm her like Raph or the others tend to do. That said, Leo would be siked to have another sibling, and would show her all that she needs to know about their family, their favorite pizza places, and how they work together as a team.

Mikey would be the top brother excited to have a sister. Younger or older, he'd drag Venus around like a ragdoll to show her anything and everything! Pizza, games, arts and crafts, the Jupiter Jim movies, everything! He might be a little annoying when he gets like this, but that adorable smile on his face breaks down any resistance Venus has.

Master Splinter is an interesting one. He might feel guilty for essentially abandoning Venus, leading her to work for Draxum, Big Mama, or whatever villain she serves, if she serves anyone at all. Maybe she'll be a bit resentful of him for that, and avoid interacting with him for a while, until he eventually apologizes and makes an attempt to kindle a father-daughter relationship with her. Once they get there though, it's very sweet, with Splinter promising to be there for her and make up for lost time.

GIRLS NIGHT WITH APRIL AND SUNITA!!! This needs to happen! All three girls banning together and having little adventures of their own. If Venus is the shy one of the group, April and Sunita can show her the ropes and help build up her confidence. Positivity is a must! 🌟

And, of course, like every character on this show, we need some trauma. Paranoia is her worst enemy.

A plausible reason of why Venus is so quiet is because she was order never to speak out of line or she would be punished. She was like a robot, who never gained her own identity as she was only seen as a tool.

She's so afraid of making others upset to the point that she overthinks everything and just stops talking altogether.

Sometimes her fears and ridiculous assumptions about what could happen can be played for laughs, but her anxious nature is just...not fun for her.

Which leads to everyone helping her break out of her comfort zone and become more comfortable with the family and the outside world overall.

They might be too pushy at times, but they only have good intentions. However, these things take time, and they must learn to be more patient.

All in all, I think that Venus could be a splendid character if the people in charge of TMNT actually TRY to play with her personality and backstory, and not just let her become a walking don't list for how not to create a female character in a male-centric franchise.

Soooo...that's it! If you made it this far, first of all, thank you so much! And second, let me know how you would interpret Venus' character. We NEED this show to come back, and I want to give this girl justice!

Once again, thank you all so much for reading! Stay safe out there! And I'll see you later! Byeee! 💗

[arcplaysgames]

SO I went from having almost 600,000 yen to about 200,000 yen which means the Strength SLink is complete.

As was pretty predictable, it pretty much confirms that the twins are actually one person that has been split apart.

ALSO THIS SLINK IS INTERESTING because the twins talk explicitly about Strength and its meaning and they begin to theorize that they are the ones undergoing the Strength arc, not Reverie, and that it is his responsibility to guide them through it and observe them.

man it'd be neat if the twins reunited into Margaret or Elizabeth but I assume they will become a new attendant altogether.

I miss Margaret, she was funny and hot.

Also, i took the twins to a Maid Cafe.

Reverie's core character trait is being a huge bitch and I love him.

the maid scaring the twins is really funny tbh lmao

Everywhere Reverie goes, he has to play older brother to someone. Something about him exudes big brotherly vibes in a way that Reverie The Fourth could only dream of. Everyone even a day younger than him feels his gravitational pull.

It's called the Alice form factor, Futaba, and it's better for your wrists due to the natural way they want to tilt when you reach forward. You wanna see something wild, pull up an ortholinear keyboard form factor and call me in the morning.

In Sojiro's SLink, the asshole uncle returns to cause some trouble, because the Sakuras are not allowed to be happy I gUESS.

Fuckface McGee here makes a move towards Futaba and Reverie immediately steps in to shield her. Fuckface falls and then, just like the dude who framed Reverie in his backstory, cries assault.

Suddenly shit is way more serious because Reverie is on probation and even more infraction is going to get him into deep shit.

So Futaba's like "yeah we need to steal his heart," so we're gonna do that.

BACK TO THE MSQ FINALLY, IT'S TIME FOR SOME SHOES TO DROP AFTER HOVERING IN THE AIR FOR LIKE 21 DAYS.

HARU JUST RENTS DISNEYLAND TO CELEBRATE THE OKUMURA JOB WITH EVERYONE.

jfc haru you can't just rent a theme park, i'm aghast.

While they are sitting having dinner, the Okumura press conference begins and everyone tunes it to watch.

What's interesting to me is: Why did he die now? Probably-Akechi shot him, at this point, 21 days ago back in the Palace. Why did he die now? That's super weird. I don't understand it unless it's a Necessary Contrivance that the game needs to function, like how Nanako wound up on the Midnight Channel despite that shit not making any sense.

yeah i bet you do haru. jeepers creepers, uh, sorry about your shitty dad who was essentially selling you off into sexual slavery for the sake of political power I guess???????

On Law & Order Supernatural Victims Unit, Akechi shows up to FLIP AGAIN ON WHETHER THE THIEVES DID THE THING AGAIN.

Bro, WHAT is with you, is he just gaslighting Sae? I cannot figure out what the fuck his deal is, he keeps giving Sae ideas and then going "nah actually that's dumb" then a month later he's like "altho....... yanno......" then another month later he's like "lmao you actually are following that lead like a dumbass? wow."

If he's the killer then the only thing I can figure is that he's purposefully fucking with the investigation to keep himself and whoever is pulling his strings in the clear.

So in the Twins link, they kind of imply what I've been theorizing for a while, that the Wild Card's purpose is to reach and summon the World/Universe arcana. And one of them was like "is that the same thing as rehabilitation" and the other was like "um. dunno?"

So here with Notigor.... Is his goal to guide Reverie to the World arcana, or..... like.......

What happens if Reverie, uh, fails his "rehabilitation"? And what does that entail?

I still find the fact there are other cells in this Not Velvet Room extremely sus, so idk. I'm fixating on this shit.

HAHAHA THE THIEVES ARE BEING FRAMED IN AN EXTREMELY PREDICTABLE WAY

God, here's where the fucking wheels come off, huh.

Back in the framing device, Reverie nearly passes out randomly and Sae mentions they're on very limited time. What did they inject him with, I assumed it was a sodium pentothal situation but maybe not?

...... what the fuck

..........

hang on a sec.

/opens screenshot folder and goes all the way back to the beginning of the game

.........

That. Would explain..... so much. But where does the Palace end and the real world resume? Is the interrogation happening inside the Palace? Is her Treasure a briefcase? Is Reverie getting caught a ploy to reduce the target's sense of being threatened?

I'm so tempted to just start a new game file and replay the intro with this in mind but I think that's cheating, so I won't.

I hope the game eventually just replays that introduction sequence again but with all the characters un-blacked out. We'll see.

[steponmedean]

PREPARE FOR SOME COMPLAINING ABOUT SAM AND DEAN APOLOGISTS!

I'm tired of people that say Sam didn't do anything wrong or on the other hand, Dean didn't do anything wrong.

They did, they're assholes, and yes we love them for their good traits and nice actions and saving the world. But they also are assholes. (And, personally, I love them for being assholes too, it's part of who they are at the end of the day).

NEWS FLASH!!! They have flaws, as any character (and person) does.

I'll start with Sam Winchester since is the one people can't see as mean or being a dick.

Sam has this "good guy" steriotype people can't move on from.

But that's exactly one of his biggest problems, his "good guy" traits are actually because he's selfish.

"Omg, don't say that, Sam isn't selfish he always thinks of Dean and Jack and Castiel and people and the world"

Shut up, read.

Sam isn't selfless, he is emphatic.

There's a difference.

He loves the one he loves, yes, but his actions are mostly leaded for his own benefit.

"I'm just trying to help you, Dean!", "I'm doing what's best for the world".

And who said that? Who analized the situation and decided what was best for others? Him.

He never just is there for Dean, he wants to push him to get better and believe me, that's not the answer.

Dean doesn't know how to accept help, and his instant defense mechanism is to ask people who offer it to fuck off, then he eventually comes around or not. That's a flaw of him that contrarrests Sam's, so Dean isn't the only one being an asshole because Sam keeps pushing and that's just as emotionally damaging.

Sam wants to fix Dean as he himself fixs his issues.

And at some point in the series, Sam stops worrying that much about Dean, he stops caring.

Not on purpose, it's kind of what his conditioned to, since he never noticed John beating Dean (check this short post), for a long time didn't know about monsters.

He was a younger brother, younger siblings never see that their older siblings suffer too. So automatically, by being a younger brother he is already a bit selfish.

But for me the biggest reason is his type of life and relationship with John.

[In other words, John's fault].

And also Dean's responsability with him, who also relies on John being an asshole

You see, he never had to worry about other people. Never.

His people were his father and his older brother and Dean was the one to carry the whole family.

Sam didn't have to worry about John because Dean did.

He didn't have to worry about Dean because Dean did.

And he didn't have to worry about himself because Dean did.

So, he is conditioned to assume everyone's alright, you can specially notice in early seasons when he's dumb struck with the fact that Dean is so depressed and felt so alone. He later on started to ask more about Dean, specially after hell.

And since he assumes everyone's alright, he only needs to worry about, who? Himself. So, selfish.

Then, after he grew up and started to understand things, he had to think ONLY of himself [since, again, Dean worried about the rest] and to get out of this toxic embiorement he lived in [monsters, hunting, John] and seeing as his father wouldn't help him and Dean was too oblivious to see further than what his dad told him, he had to get out by HIMSELF.

Which is fucking alright, and brave af, but see, in the process, he had to be selfish.

Because he had to leave Dean alone. Not deciding based on if John would be mad or Dean would get sad. Not thinking about consequences of his actions, he just needed to get out.

Remember, selfish isn't always a bad trait, humans are selfish, we only care about our people most of the time.

But as it is of good since he could leave John, it is bad when it comes to other situations.

Just right after the 1st chapter, he didn't care about the people they saved, he just wanted to find John, he was being guided by rage and revenge. It was Dean who was trying to calm him down and struggled to convince him saving others was worth it.

Then, in s3 and s4. He always had to be against what Dean thought and did, his brain working as if he was still under John's commands as Dean was still so manipulated into thinking like him [yet he was so unlike John, still his 50% was John's thinking].

So he never listened to Dean, and he did what HE thought best, he took decitions for his own good and what HE thought was best for the world.

See what I mean?

You can't use the argument "he was doing what he thought was best" with Sam Winchester, because that's his exact problem. He only thinks about his opinion.

He is selfish.

And the whole interaction of the brothers is based on them being OPPOSITES. And it's so fucking interesting and what makes it good and full of drama.

And, it's pretty obvious Dean is extreamly selfless. Just by me explaining Sam being selfish you can see that, and by just watching the series for God's sake.

Characters need to have flaws and do bad things too, if not, they're boring characters.

Don't be blinded, Sam isn't always a "good guy". He is an emphath, so he can put himself in other's situations and try to help. He can't help it, he just knows how to understand their suffering and so he helps. Doesn't take away the selfish trait.

Now, Dean Winchester.

You all want to say it's alright he goes all mad man because he suffered a lot.

No, don't.

He did, of course he fucking suffered. All his childhood and adult life was full fo crap, but that doesn't justify his actions.

Dean is selfless but he's also extreamly repressed, so in the process of helping people he gets frustraded when he can't do it.

So he yells, he blames, he avoids. He gets agressive.

And he hurts other's without noticing.

And so, he makes dumb ass desperate decitions.

He was taught to always have to help and Sam didn't have to suffer in the process, and that instanly goes for his whole family and he is quick to adopt people in it.

And this is conditioned since before Mary died, since he was fucking holding his parents marriege together too.

He always tries to do what's best to keep everyone safe, but when he can't do it he punches walls and throws objects and drinks. And so he hurts Sam, and heartbreaks Cas and takes it on Jack [I still find his relationship with Jack bad made, because Dean is great with kids, the writers did this so wrong, but this requieres a whole different post. STILL, doesn't justify him being a total ass]

In other words, he hurts people in the process, and since people around him feel that and are affected by it, is not something you can just justify since it has repercutions in his loved ones.

I think this about covers it.

The thing is Sam is more difficult for people to see other than the perfect moral man than with Dean.

They both assholes, the only difference is Dean's personality makes it more obvious and agressive to people [just by his loud body language and words] and Sam has a better filter on his emotions and true means.

And it's so good that little by little, Sam was this agressive ass and addicted to blood and Dean the rational one, so Sam learned and became what Dean was, but Dean grew tired and it reflected in being agressive and drinking.

They literally became the other BUT in their own way.

I swear, they are such interesting characters and they are so real in this senseless fictional world and you be wasting the opportunity to see that by trying to justify it.

Don't be apologists. Do what I do: "Yeah he an asshole... good for him. You go babygirl!"

And Castiel did nothing wrong, he really didn't. Writers did him bad, he was a main victim in the queerbaiting so they needing him to be the Winchester simp and then do things against them/behind their backs so he could fight with Dean and they could go "kidding! They aren't gay!".

And I'm saying this as a Dean girl.

Hahaha, ok, I'm kidding, of course Cas did his bad things, but I don't see Castiel apologists as much. And I do believe what I said earlier, his character was a victim.

When I get frustraded about a Cas apologist I will write a post about it.

[softquietsteadylove]

Heyyy I liked your Thenamesh Receptionist AU prompts so much! I have this prompt idea:

Gil is taking Thena to a pretty important business meeting (where a few of them taking their wives/ girlfriends with them) and there is this one guy who is single and very interested in Thena and he is flirting with her the whole time and practically undressing her with his eyes making her quite uncomfortable so Gil (being the protective boyfriend) loosing his patient even after Gil warned him 2 times, goes full gangster mode calm and very dangerous (wich even impressed Thena to see this side of him) and threatens him and punishes him

(you can Choose how he hurts the guy you know like a real gangster breaking a hand or worse or something xD)

"Gil, are you sure about this?" Thena asks as they walk into the room decorated for the party.

"I'm sure," he chuckles, happily letting his hand settle onto her waist to pull her closer to him--too close, even. She presses a hand against his chest as their legs come close to tangling together. He smiles at her, "this is one of very few occasions when we get to bring our partners out with us."

He had explained the purpose of it, too. Of course, it's generally advised not to let any potential business rivals - enemies - know who is most precious in your life. For as much as there is an unspoken rule about certain lines not to be crossed, there isn't exactly a glossary of who's on or off limits in this kind of business.

But this party is for that exactly. It's secure, it's arranged by only the most powerful in the industry. And to be powerful, requires a certain amount of trust, even by reluctant necessity. The party is open to spouses and girlfriends and partners because it's like presenting a real life 'do not touch' sign, as Gil says.

Thena looks around the room, beautifully decorated, opulent and teetering between classy and ostentatious. But she supposes that's the point of some of the richest people on this side of the Pacific getting together for a fun night.

Gil nuzzles his nose against her temple, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "You're the most beautiful thing in here by far."

"Gil," Thena murmurs, her eyes drifting down out of shyness.

"I mean it," he growls, and she wonders how long they'll last before he decides he can't wait anymore and voices his desire to take her on the balcony or something. "I don't like how they're looking at you."

"Maybe it's out of fear of you," she raises a brow at him, although she has to admit, she does look good. She felt that she had to, coming in on the arm of the most powerful - physically and fiscally - man in the room.

"I'd be scared to," he coos with a flirtatious edge to his tone. He takes her hand in his to guide them down the stairs and to retrieve a drink, "if I saw a walking Goddess pass by me."

Thena rests her head on his shoulder, pressing her blushed cheek against the cool of his pocket square.

Gil accepts two flutes of champagne for them, clinking them together before sliding hers into her hand. His eyes trace over the room again, although she catches the way they linger at the far corner.

For just a brief second, she's prepared to see some woman giving Gil the eyes, but it's some man. He's comparatively younger than most in the room, probably starting out in the business or a representative of his family's old money, or something. And he's staring right at them.

He's staring at her.

Thena furrows her brows slightly. Maybe she forgot what it was like to ogled so openly, but she presses closer to Gil, happily letting him wrap an arm around her waist in a show of pettiness. "Who is that?"

"I don't know," Gil grumbles, keeping his eye on the younger man as he drifts away from the window, still watching them. "But if he keeps looking at you like that, we're going to become quickly acquainted."

Thena does her best to ignore him. This is an important night for Gil, and she recognises some of the faces present as people who used to come into his office before she was fully aware of what he did for work. She chats lightly, and those who remember how long she's been with Gilgamesh show her due respect. Especially when he's there to loudly brag about his beautiful partner (and embarrass her while doing it).

Junior hovers around the edges of the room, still watching Thena like a hawk might watch young chicks in a coop.

Thena does her best to avoid his line of sight. If he were just some kid in a pub back home, she would have no trouble giving him a piece of her mind (and possibly a punch in the throat). But this is a very delicate line they're walking, tonight, and everyone in the room knows it.

Gil blinks as Thena burrows against his side again, all but hiding behind him. He wraps an arm around her, nodding to the young associate across the room. He asks who he is.

Apparently he's the oldest son of a very powerful family line, and he's just become head of the board of a few of their companies. He's a little fish swimming with sharks, apparently.

Gil excuses himself from his conversation, pulling Thena with him and shirking off his suit jacket. He lays it over her shoulders, ever pleased about how small she looks in comparison to it. "I'm gonna kill this kid."

"I don't think his family will react well to that," she murmurs.

"Like I care?" he growls, already on his way to confront him.

"Good evening," Junior greets in smooth english with a suave smile. His eyes are only on Thena. "I haven't had the pleasure of making your acquaintance."

"Kid," Gil barks at him freely, putting his hands in his pockets (and letting his elbow block some of the kid's view of Thena). "Didn't anyone tell you that this isn't for scoping out other people's wives?"

"Forgive me," he chuckles, still as smooth as butter--and still looking at Thena. He raises his glass to her, "I'm sure you won't blame me for noticing how beautiful she is."

"Consider this your second warning."

"Second?" Junior has the nerve to chuckle at that. "When was the first?"

"The moment you laid eyes on her," Gil snarls at him, guiding Thena away with him. He holds her hand, bringing her to a sitting area around the propane fire display. "You sit here, I'll get you another drink."

Thena nods, Gil holding both of her hands in his as long as he can before hurrying to the bar. He's looking around the room as he goes, obviously looking around for the little creep. Thena looks around as well.

"We meet again."

Thena stiffens. He's in the chair next to her. She meets his eyes, determined not to waver in his presence. "Was two seconds ago not enough for you?"

"I could never get enough of you," he asserts, his eyes boring into hers before running over what he can see of her past the sides of the chair. He leans against his own, "what are you doing with him?"

"Watch it," she snaps back instantly. If he's about to start slandering Gil right to her face then she might kill the little rich boy herself.

"You're obviously a beautiful woman," the kid schmoozes, grinning at her with perfect teeth. "I think I could do right by that."

"If you are suggesting that Gilgamesh doesn't-"

"I just think," Junior gives her a look that makes her want to crawl out of her skin and under a rock, "I could satisfy you far b-"

"Third warning."

Thena doesn't even blink as Gilgamesh hauls the kid out of the chair by the back of his jacket. She turns in her seat, watching as Gil tosses the kid against the the side table.

"What did I tell you about talking to her?"

Thena shivers. She doesn't know if she's ever heard him so angry (and she was once kidnapped and slapped in front of him).

"You think you can come over here," Gil leans down, taking the kid's fancy watch off his wrist, "say disgusting things to the woman I love-"

The kid screams as Gil snaps his wrist cleanly, his hand flopping limp after the break.

"And get away with it?" Gil finishes, grabbing him by the hair and jostling him just for effect. "Well?!"

"N-No, sir!"

Gil looks around the room, but people aren't even looking in their direction. No trouble will come from showing the little whelp what happens when he comes to a party by buying his invitation. "Now, because it's a fun night, I'm feeling generous."

The kid sniffles, tears and snot running down his face.

"I'm not gonna throw you out this window," Gil chuckles, gesturing to the floor to ceiling windows next to them with a view of the city. He drags the kid to the other side of the room, though. "I'm gonna throw you down the stairwell instead."

"N-No, no--please! Please, I'm sorry!"

Gil ignores his pleading, as does everyone else present. Thena sits patiently, waiting until Gil walks back to her, even having retrieved the drink he was getting before she was so rudely addressed.

He leans over her shoulder, handing her a rocks glass with the best Korean whiskey money can buy. "Gongjunim."

She smiles, letting him sit down and pull her onto his lap. The other chair is covered in the kid's tears and blood anyway. "I haven't seen you like that in a long time."

"Like it?" he grins up at her, and suddenly he's her adorable househusband again.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary17

9/21-22/2023

a pleasing series of numbers above. i'm chilling and listening to kreayshawn.

recently i saw a guy say kreayshawn is like super embarrassing. that's so lame, she's so dope to me. that guy just can't #gohard i guess. it was just funny seeing him articulate that, it's really an opinion that can't actually bother me that much cuz it's like, whatever.

i did 3 songs today. not 5 but today was heavy on trying to improve guitar sounds in one song, and 2 songs that basically sound good already i think, just getting them a bit clearer. so that's like, 21/25, i think. i don't know if i'll finish up by tomorrow or slow a bit, i shouldn't introduce that possibility but these upcoming songs are definitely the ones which are the most different, i think, but they might also need a ton of work because they aren't intensive on a sound that's complex like the guitar synths, which still elude me somewhat when it comes to getting riffs that sound like, idk, orchid/jerome's dream and so on out. i think some of the older super fucked up high gain ones might be good but they have a feeling of cheapness, i could possibly get them more articulate with all that distortion still with these new mixing tools though, and get them sparkling right. the sounds i'm going after are cheap anyways, or are pretty simple as far as getting them from a guitar (a lot of these guys had amp distortion only i think) so it's just about getting things to not sound, i dunno, wrong is the only way to put it. i could go do that, maybe, but i have brian eno on now (third uncle).

last night i did go look at stuff on flickr, not too much for collages but some funny photos of people.

i need to find more photos people took of awful maggots and grubs and things.

other news is that i'm thinking about the youtube trend, not trend, it's i guess taken its place as a genre, fully, the videos of people basically discussing lolcows and just any person really, explaining everything to you, everything wrong they did and how crazy they went and how funny (in some cases) the tragedy of someone basically reaching a point in their life that they will never be okay again is, and how these get millions of views. the people who make these videos are basically in the grip of this terrible need to always say that they're just being neutral and not trying to peddle any ideology, theirs or any other, just trying to present the story. they keep a tight mouth about what they do believe, but i get distinct senses about where they are. it's basically terrifying to me that this stuff reaches huge amounts of people and that sort of blindness to what ideology even is, how it works, and how it is spread. the idea that you can be without ideology/that you aren't complicit in its spread (especially in that sphere) is basically part of the ideology, a reactionary turn against the idea of thinking about why you want to tell a story in the first place, what that person's life is being made to mean by the telling of the story (almost always these people are examples of what should elicit total disgust, people fashioned into caricatures through harassment and so on, or people discovered for the purposes of carrying around and saying: be aware, we share our world with this, be vigilant and attack). the fear of being taken as saying anything, adherence to an outward friendliness and simply being someone who wants to tell 'strange' stories about people who only just happen to represent some kind of failure to the vast majority of everyone on earth, and told from the position of not being involved, a real outsider passing on something that resembles a folk-legend of some terrible figure, it's weird. i am basically lying in wait/terror of the reactionary turn among the people younger than me obsessed with that kind of shit, when it becomes evident to them that these things were saying something, and that they think it's good.

plenty of nazis will tell you how important 'lolcow' culture is to them.

anyways, an ugly topic to be certain, but it's weird to see how popular that shit is on yt. i should think it over more, there's probably more to it, how the videos are structured/edited. there's potential for a more whole kind of analysis of this. but it's an evolution of the classical kind of sideshow horror thing.

maybe i am just overthinking it on some level though. surely not even 10% of these people are going to internalize this in a violent way. just the normal way where they find some people gently disgusting and keep it hemmed in, behind their lips forever.

this stuff really shouldn't matter.

it's crazy how many people are into this stuff though. i wonder if i count, i used to read about all this as a kid on ed. after a certain point i quit giving a shit.

i like regular gossip, about people i know, in real life.

it's crazy to hear, from gossip, about people who are really quite awful, and evil, and then you see them, regular as anything else, and knowing that they did something unforgivable, and that they don't care at all.

i'm just going to listen to jerome's dream and think about guitars instead of continuing these trains of thought. i'm sure they will return. everything comes back in my head.

ohwell oh well.

byebye!!

[cadrenebula]

How many OCs do you currently have? If you have multiple OCs then how different are they from each other? How often do you create new ones?

Currently? 13 actual developed OCs. (I've still got to toss together profiles for Nebula and Ronove on carrd tho.)

At least 15 supporting characters. Meaning ones I'm not actively RPing cause they're just supporting cast for my OCs and won't do anything other than help plot things along as needed. Or they were created to avoid retcons. So they are available for a scene here or there as needed but not much beyond that. They're mostly for my own writing (or screenshot) purposes unless I need them for a plot point.

I don't plan on adding to my 13 anytime soon though. But we all know I'm terrible at promising not to. XD Ronove was unplanned but then he said I was keeping him. I don't add new ones too often. If they do get added it's usually because they were originally plot characters that I got attached to. Which is the case for Lancefer, Alexois, Asher, and Ronove. XD So it's only happened 4 times. That's not -that- often. An the first three were added years ago now. Ronove and Nebula were literally the last to be added and I wasn't sure I was even going to list Ronove here for the fact he's a voidal.

An boy do these characters vary! I cover a lot of bases with these OCs. (Okay I'll stop trying to be funny. XD LOL)

Destiney is a Shroudling mother and wife. She's warm and caring and very nature oriented. Very much a momma wolf who practically adopts everyone she likes into her Found Family. Stefan, is practically his twin's opposite. They were meant to be that way. He tends to keep people at arm's length and dabbles in things he shouldn't. He's the darkness to her light. But he'd do anything for his sister. Lancefer is the noble white knight who tries to remain good and kind despite all that he faces as the black sheep of his family. Tries to be a good big brother and cousin. Alexois is a villain in name only, an assassin for hire and hails from the lowest rungs of society who has turned his life around and works hard at being a better person. Valen is a pure ray of sunshine and good cheer who tries to lift the spirits of others without being dragged down by those said people. Traveling minstrel and bounty hunter. Marielle is a dragon stuck in elezen form by a curse and navigating a world she barely understands. Alfarinn is a intimidating looking brute with a soft heart beneath that beserker's rage. Looking for payback for the death of his lover. Keaira is a upbeat spunky ball of pink with a desire to explore the world and help people all while seeking challenges to make her stronger. Adelena is nicknamed the Frost Siren for a reason. She is cold and distant pirate of the Sanguine Sirens but is much warmer towards her sisters than others. Asher is a sky pirate with a weak spot for kids in similar situations to his when he was younger. He's a mischief maker and a tinker of machines. Eventually he's going to have a reckoning with his older brother. Aryn is a gremlin in disguise (not literally XD It's just his general behavior towards his circus family). He's a aerial dancer for a circus troupe and a trained Sage. A bit dramatic and obsessed with clothes. Nebula is a soft spoken mage from the deep woods of the Shroud, next in line to lead their clan when their mother steps down, a descendant from those who survived the fall of the three mage cities. Just traveling the world to learn more about the people outside of their clan. Ronove was my first attempt to make a voidal character. Exploring the madness of what it was like to be fresh from the void and under the control of a stronger voidal with an iron grip on him. Abused and tortured for over a thousand years and trying to find his way in a world that is mostly alien to him now. Now he's Stefan's partner in the plot to put an end to the voidsent trying to see them both dead.

Phew. Yeah they're all pretty different and come from varying walks of life. Thanks for the ask @furys-mercy

[queen--kenobi]

Congrats on the Duke win!! 🥰💙🏀 Been very MIA lately, but I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. Playing some serious catch up. 😘 I know you've got an OC for HoT/HotD but tell me more!!

Welcome back!!!

Hell yeah!!! I didn't end up watching it because I had to get up way too early for work, but I'm happy with the results sfsgsh

Okay so this might get long, I hope you're okay with that. I have a shit ton of lore. Not even just for Elayna but for the Reynes. They're my OCs now

I've got two because they're stories are intertwined but not in a "we will always find each other way" (romantic) but in a "we will always find each other" (hateful) way

My main one is Elayna Reyne! She's the only daughter and third child of Lord Alon Reyne. She has one surviving older brother, Seban, and a younger brother, Ryman. Her other older brother, Reynard, died in a mine collapse that killed him and Seban's mom. Alon got remarried, so Elayna and Seban are half-siblings (or are they? Dun dun dun). Elayna is absolutely a Daddy's girl and Alon's favorite whoops

Alon gets really sick when she's a preteen, and Seban sends Elayna to be a Ward of the Lannisters. Now, Elayna doesn't necessarily like the Lannisters but it's not full on hate at this point. It's more like "oh. Them"

Enter Tymon Lannister

Tymon is a fuckhead to end all fuckheads. It's canon in a modern AU Tymon is the played lacrosse in high school (probably even competitively in college), khakis and a polo, legacy family at Harvard and Yale, "it's not pink it's Nantucket Red", "I'm a nice guy just give me a chance", top honors frat boy kind of guy

Anyway. Elayna gets warded to the Lannisters, and Tymon sees Elayna and is just like "She's mine. I'm gonna marry her some day, and she's gonna have my kids and be my wife. She was made for me." Elayna doesn't hate him at first, and even gets a tiny bit of a crush on him, because he is legitimately nice to her. It's just when she starts noticing how he treats literally everyone else she's just like "mmmmhhhmmmm. No." Unfortunately Tymon is the only Lannister that's been halfway decent with her, and when Tymon feels like Elayna is pulling away, he starts to get. Unpleasant

Eventually, Alon recovers. Alon asks Elayna is sent home if only for a few weeks because he's missed his daughter. The Lannisters let Elayna go back to Castamere. Alon takes one look at Elayna and realizes oh, she is miserable. It's been about 3 or 4 years of her with the Lannisters, and Elayna is clearly not doing well. Also Elayna ABSOLUTELY hates the Lannisters at this point and has decided her purpose in life is to bring that whole fucking family down to the ground

Alon, being a loving father and the GOAT, says fuck that and instead of sending Elayna back to Casterly Rock, sends Elayna to the Red Keep. Alon was at Court for a bit in his preteen and teenage years and was actually fairly decent friends with Viserys and had friendly rivalry going on with Daemon. Alon knows Viserys will find a place for Elayna, and he does. I'm leaning towards Elayna being one of Helaena's ladies in waiting, but I'm not sure

Elayna ends up befriending Helaena! She and Helaena end up very good friends. Elayna also meets Aemond and phew boy. Elayna falls hard and fast. Thankfully for her, Aemond does too. Unfortunately Aegon also kind of falls for Elayna. Yes Elayna has three of Alicent's children wrapped around her finger ssssshhhhh

Now. Remember how I mentioned Tymon has decided Elayna is his? Yeah, uh, he pops up at Court. He tries to claim it's so he can learn from Tyland blah blah blah, but it's blatantly obvious Tymon has no interest in that. Tymon is just there to persuade Elayna to "come home" and "come to her sense". And Tymon is a Lannister which means he's decided Elayna will be "back where she belongs, with who she belongs", and he will do anything to make that happen

I don't want to say too much more because I don't want to spoil what's coming. I will say this, though. Elayna's story is a tragedy because, ultimately, she is the reason the Reynes are massacred. Obviously she's not the inciting incident, but she sets everything up, if that makes sense? It's obviously not her intention but Elayna's actions ultimately doom future generations and her entire family/bloodline

Canon is not a happy story. I have a bunch of other AUs that are happy but. Canon is an absolute tragedy

[pigeonfancier]

It's so weird to look with an eye towards the past, and say: hm, my younger self would be a little disappointed in me! That is not a thought I have pretty much ever, but part of growing up is acknowledging the truth. Weetwee Mar was not entirely fond of overt displays of affection, which felt always felt a touch manipulative at best and just a little distasteful on average. But Adult Mar is, unfortunately, a fucking simp, hahaha.

It's a plight! Sometimes I still have the kneejerk head-tilt of: oh, is expressing too much affection inherently an emotionally manipulative action? what am I looking to get from saying this? if this was perceived as a transaction, what expectations am I implying through saying this? And then I remember that, sometimes, I am fucking batshit, and that when in doubt, I am absolutely overthinking it. It's not that deep! Human emotion can be a satisfyingly shallow sea and that is, in fact, how most people view it.

In other news: I have been obsessing over my greenhouse, as always. My poor lemon tree went from half-a-dozen lemons on it to losing all the leafs on one branch entirely from experiencing the temperature fluctuations, so now he's an indoor fuck until spring arrives again. But the fig and lime tree are doing great, and the herbs are all taking the fuck off.

There's something very satisfying about stepping out of 40F and into a 80F room that just fucking punches you in the face with basil! I'm pulling up some of my garden lemon balm to place in hanging pots around the greenhouse, for purposes of thermal heat, but also because I'm just mildly curious on how appallingly fragrant I can make this. I keep getting tempted to start growing flowers for the year in it.. but I am very allergic to flower pollen, so I'm not sure how I would mitigate that. Set up a fan to pull out air+pollen before I trot my candy ass in, I suppose? Put the flowers all in one section, and just set up the circulation to push the air away? Put the flowers in bad flower jail, trapping them behind fucking HEPA filters with their sin?

The last seems appealing just from the visual aspect, and also the potential delight of getting to explain to people why the fucking flowers are in jail. But the first option is the laziest / least-extra, and thus most likely. I could also just not grow flowers, but ehhh ehhhhhh. I don't like them personally, but I do like being able to give them to people, and edible flower petals are one of those things that can turn a dish from simple to looking unnecessarily decadent with minimal energy on my part.

Domino is a little less enthralled by the greenhouse now, which is fair: if it reeks of herbs to me, through my fucking allergy mask, it's probably absolutely unbearable to her. I might make her a little house to the side of the greenhouse, so she can obsess over that.. but I don't want to encourage any coyotes to come into my fucking yard, or perhaps worse, the fucking rabbits. x)

Back to trucking on the TBC comic! I have been quietly obsessing over this webcomic, which is now officially ready to be scripted and penciled, but.. not touching it until this first one is done, haha. I keep wanting to discuss OE with everyone and everything, too, but those discussions aren't very interesting for others, I think, until it gets to the point that I am producing steady art for it, or at least until I have a finalised script. Which is sad, but also kind of funny, because traditionally: I am not really fond of discussing original materials too much? It's borderline embarrassing, haha, until it gets to a certain stage of completion, and then it just CONSUMES MY MIND.

The plight of creation!