#I'm like do I really want to do that to myself again. to have metrics. to have randos find my shit and harass me and my peers?

[soumic]

About once a day I go through the mental gymnastics of going "god I should probably make an art insta, for ~professional purposes~ and ~networking~ and ~cultivating an audience~"

And then I scrunch my face up so hard my features cave inside my skull thinking about conceding to using an algorithmic social media platform in 2023, let alone a facebook product

(please don't take this as a call to suggest alternative social medias to me sdlkfjs I mega super promise you I am aware of them)

[sergle]

People are failing to realize that clothing, and cameras for that matter, can be fairly deceptive. I don't wanna say deceptive because it carries a certain connotation, but I hope you'll know what I mean. I look fairly "thin/avg" with a shirt on, but without it it's rolls and folds lol

Furthermore, it's wild to assume someone who's pretty passionate about accurate plus-size rep would be stick thin. Maybe their metric of "average" is skewed or something, but it's still weird to just show up in a strangers Asks and assume things about them and their bodies.

sorry for answering an ask about this like 4 days later but I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS... this person is talking about these asks btw.

FIRST OF ALL, thank you so much for the ask, it really is good to know that other ppl are aware of the Covering Of Fat With Clothing. Like. hi. my body is obscured. people are just noticing my torso for the first time bc there isn't 5lbs of breast tissue hanging off of it. SECOND OF ALL. This is still making me insane. I am still thinking about it so I'm gonna completely just do a brick of text to talk about it. Like, there's the first part of this, right? The fact that, all of these people who were sending asks like these, are the same people who came to my account because they liked the body positivity stuff or they related to the proportions of the girls I draw, right? And yet somehow managed to miss that ALL OF MY ART IS ME. So you're relating to MY body, AGREEING that this is plus sized art, then turning towards moi and saying, okay but you're skinny though. HUH? HMM??? I literally made a 12-part series of self portraits that have been like, my most seen, most stolen, reposted, enjoyed, stolen again, pieces. And I've been so crystal clear that these are literally me. Once again, I'm pointing at the aforementioned MATERIAL.

Pictured above: a thin, skinny woman who just happens to have large breasts, ig! And outside of those, which are *literal* self portraits, I've spoken lots of times before about how I make girls of a certain size and shape because I'm modeling them off myself. Or as close as I can get, depending on how good/bad I feel and if I took a photo to ref or not. It really couldn't be clearer that this is obviously me being self-serving, I do it when I feel like I need to see it. So the thing being implied here, or flat out accused in a handful of messages, is that I'm drawing fat girls forrr clout? AWESOME. I didn't want to dignify every message but that did seem to be the rough consensus. BUT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT ONE TOO. WHEN would it become a bad thing for a skinny person to draw body positive art? In a positive light? Even if it was for clout? Am I going insane? That would be Good. It honestly might be even more meaningful than what I'm doing now. If I was actually 115 pounds soaking wet, if I looked like that one girl from ANTM with the like 14 inch waist, and I was out here making the exact same art, would that make the art LESS meaningful to other fat girls? That someone who doesn't have this body type or relate to it at all found it beautiful enough to draw it so many times, treating the subject with respect? Fat people being the subject of art again? The cycling of a trend that's been gone too long? That is, I thought, what we've literally been begging to see. I have been thinking about this. And finally, the last part of it that's been vexing and haunting me:

Is it supposed to be my responsibility that someone gets dysmorphic LOOKING AT ME. HUHHHH. On the art account where I draw a lot of Me. HUH. I was meant to anticipate this? Looking at pictures of me. And that makes you feel dysmorphic. and that is my fault. I'm just double checking. On the account where I draw bodies that I relate to, that you followed because you relate to. And then seeing me. Makes you dysmorphic. Whew. Got it.

I'm putting a bow on my insane winding ramble about this. Or at least trying to, now. It is wild to have my body commented on so much. This year, bc of the breast reduction, comments on my body have increased a hundredfold. Positive, negative, passive aggressive, predatory, all of the ways it can go. There was a really obvious way to rebuff these particular comments, which would be to post a picture of myself where my body ISN'T mostly obscured. But hey, those aren't free. The art will have to do for now. I wouldn't be that surprised if half the messages were jokes meant to see if I'd post pics "proving" that I look how I look. I also thought briefly about like, what if my body did change that drastically? Would some ppl's immediate reaction be betrayal, disgust, anger? I've been sick in my life before and lost weight at alarming speeds. But I've still been fat all my life. I've gotten sick and gained weight at alarming speeds. Does my presence as a "body positive artist" mean that my body gets to be put on trial anytime it changes? Does the switch flip from "your fat art means so much to me" to "you're not in the club anymore, since you got rid of your breasts, you look different"

Anyway I thought it would be funny to draw a thin girl "drawing" a scrap sketch I already have on hand. And imagining someone's response being fully negative, bc a thin person drawing fat ppl would be somehow dishonest lmao. Look how evil this bitch is. Her body doesn't match her art.

[cerastes]

Hey how come you making flippant comments in regards to your own self-improvement fetish is so enlightening in regards to mental health things is this the whole 'professional' thing at work.

I would like to think so! When we think of "psychology", most people might have a very Freudian image of it: A therapist solemnly but very comprehensively taking notes as a patient lies on a couch and spills their guts, only interjecting once or twice in the hour-long session and then charging you. Psychoanalysis, the Freudian technique, I don't think it's useless, but it's definitely just one of a myriad of techniques and methods with which to carry out therapy (and one I myself am trained in and do not like). I myself am more of systems theory of psychology kind of guy (Humberto Maturana, Ludwig von Bertalanffy, Gregory Bateson, among others), and systems has a very input-output sort of view (if you want to learn more, you can also look up second order cybernetics and radical constructivism).

Where I am going with all of this is that if it may seem like I'm making flippant comments, then that means I've synthetized my own self-care mind palace to such a degree that it has simply become part of my discourse, my lingo, my poise, if you will, but that in itself took a lot of introspective work in a way that was tangible to me, or in other words, in a way that my brain accepted it. Ultimately, it's the role of the psychologist to lead one to something rather than to reveal any sort of secret to wellness. Using myself as an example, as someone that had suicidal depression at one point, being told to "think positively" didn't do a damn thing, because if it was that easy, then depression wouldn't exist. Instead, I more or less had to trick my own brain into giving it reasons as to why it should think positively, because it makes sense to do so, and in the same vein, I had to give it reasons as to why thinking negatively was dumb. Because that sort of logic works with me. So it's less "hey, think nice things :)" and more "okay but does it have to be like this? Does everyone else have this crushing sadness as their normal as well? I don't think so, so maybe what I'm feeling isn't normal. Why am I thinking that way? What do they have that I don't? Oh, thing A and thing B, yeah, makes sense, and do I want these things? Mmm thing A doesn't really matter to me, but thing B, I'm loathe to admit, is something I desire, how about I work towards having thing B for now as a goal and then see if that is good enough or at least improves my mental state? Are things really as hopeless as I think they are and am I enlightened by my grim outlook? Probably not, so why am I hopeless and why are they not? There's something I don't have or don't know, let's see what that is, and put these shit thoughts on hold until I can ascertain these things". This is a summarized version, of course, but you know what I mean.

But where I'm going with this (again) is that once you grab onto your own internal logic (which is where the introspective work leads to!) and know what makes you click and how your own metrics and parameters of motivation work, it becomes much much easier to have a healthy mental state and keep it healthy. This, in my opinion, should be the long term objective of any good therapy: To at least start your user (I don't really use the term "patient") on this road. I'm making it sounds all sunshine and rainbows, but introspective work worth having does entail having to look at the uglier parts of yourself and acknowledging them, hence why not a lot of people see it through. It takes commitment and guts because you very much do reach a point where you need to look at these things that are awful and be like "yes, this, too, is me" before you can start going into how to turn these into advantageous things instead.

Likewise, the therapy I do tends to have this as goal: Let's work this shit together so we can organize it in a way that's easier to handle for starters, and then you can have a very good grip on the reins of what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad, and so can easily dispel the brain fog by simply consulting your inner blueprint. Each user is a whole different journey, and it's part of what makes psychology such a beautiful field.

[insecateur]

I'll be standing tall (La Maison-Dieu)

A 10 songs bilingual Sycamore/Lysandre playlist (in honor of Pokémon X&Y's 10th anniversary)

(Unfortunately, I don't use Spotify, so you'll have to make do with this YouTube playlist or look for the songs yourself. But do look under the read more for Lyrics Excerpts and all of that.)

Why a bilingual playlist? Well because I'm a bilingual guy, for a start, and because my experience with Pokémon X&Y in general and this ship in particular has always been bilingual as well (even trilingual, arguably.) I wanted to put together some of my favorite songs in English for them and introduce English-speaking fans to some of my favorite French songs for them, too. A lot of those songs are songs I've quoted, mentioned, or even used as inspiration for art and fic.

(Why is Augustine on the English side and Lysandre on the French side? Because I thought Lysandre would be offended at the idea of being on the English side while Augustine wouldn't care about it as much.)

SIDE A: ENGLISH

Sunburn by Muse

He burns like the sun And I can't look away And he'll burn our horizons Make no mistakes

This is the classic, quintessential PRFR song for me. Its only crime is that it's het, sung from the point of a view of a man singing about a woman. That pesky little detail cannot stop me, however.

Without You I'm Nothing by Placebo (feat David Bowie)

I'm unclean, a libertine And every time you vent your spleen I seem to lose the power of speech You're slipping slowly from my reach You grow me like an evergreen You've never seen the lonely me at all

Do I even need to say anything about this? I listen to this song when I need to make myself Suffer thinking about them. Oh to be unable to bring yourself to say something about your beloved friend's downward spiral...

Hardest of Hearts by Florence + the Machine

Darling heart, I loved you from the start But you'll never know what a fool I've been Darling heart, I loved you from the start But that's no excuse for the state I'm in

My friend sent me this song saying it was about them and they were RIGHT. Shout-out to my friend for that. I like how it can be alternating POV, too.

Changes by The Happy Fits

I try to run away but I find myself, again Stuck in the same place Who will I be today? I can't control the world or change it

This one was suggested by @jonphaedrus and I'm really happy I could have its contribution in here as well. This is very meaningful to me.

Celebrate by Metric

Even the darkest hour soon will be over My friend, it will be over

I couldn't not put a Metric song in there! It was tough finding the right one... But I thought putting a more optimistic spin would be nice, too. I actually associate this song with SLaWCS specifically as well, which is a nice touch.

SIDE B: FRENCH

Pâle Septembre by Camille

Mâle si tendre Au début de novembre Devint sourd aux avances de l'amour Mais quel mal me prit De m'éprendre de lui ?

Did you know? This song is the reason why I associate Lysandre with the Tower arcana. Or at least, it's what put the idea into my brain first. This one is also a quintessential PRFR song for me.

7 Vies by Kyo

La vue est magnifique Contemple-la tant que tu peux La lumière alcaline Le bien, l'ennemi du mieux Tant que le temps défile Tout doit se vivre à deux Je pratique le langage des signes Et celui du feu

I think I should be allowed to include some more vibes songs in there, although I'd argue this one fits them well. It's a bit abstract, but it fits.

Tout donner by Maître Gims

Tu es ma maladie Ma guérison quand tu l'décides Mes nuits s'illuminent J'en confonds le jour et la nuit

A desperate, self-destructive pining song... What else could a man want in this world. It's very tasty. I think about those lines way too often.

Aimer à mort by Louane

L'espoir qui joue, le feu, le froid Un souffle au cou, baiser de roi Pour nous reprendre, pour nous défendre Pour se comprendre chaque fois

Another intense but more optimistic one. I want to believe... I want them to believe as well...

Rouge Ardent by Axelle Red

As-tu trouvé, dans les feux, dans les flammes Ton idéal rouge ardent As-tu froid As-tu peur de l'aurore Tu disais "tout s'évapore" Tu as eu tort

It's a song about being in love with a failed idealist. And also the color red is there. What more can I say. (Also, this time it's originally a het song from the POV of a woman singing about a man, which ties it all neatly together, I think.)

Happy 10th anniversary to all my fellow shippers, young and old, new and ancient, whether you were in the trenches with me back in October 2013 on this webbed site or you joined us in 2021 with the Pokémon Masters revival, thank you for loving them always. Here's to loving them more and more in the future, and here's to the Pokémon X&Y remakes as they become clearer and clearer on the horizon. (And maybe we'll get a Legends game, too? Wouldn't that be something...)

[perdvivly]

*me and the girlies at a sleepover* bubbliterally: Do you guys want some more icecream? k-simplex: That's so kind of you! perdvivly: I'd love some, thank you! bubbliterally: And some tea to go with? Hot and cold; yin and yang. Balance, you know? k-simplex: You are so wise bestie. perdvivly: I swear to god if you bust out the plain tea again I will cry. k-simplex: Plain tea? perdvivly: I'll tell you later. *bubbliterally serves the food and drink* bubbliterally: So, what do you guys think is the fundamental problem of human existence? perdvivly: Must there be only one? k-simplex: That's such a big question! bubbliterally: Well, no, but are you telling me you don't feel some problem, question, facet of human existence more keenly than all the rest? k-simplex: I think, if I had to choose, it'd be that we're essentially finite beings in what is an essentially infinite world. bubbliterally: Oooh, could you say more? k-simplex: Well. I want to like. Do things. But there are more things in the world than I can ever possibly do. More experiences than I can ever possibly have... It sounds silly. bubbliterally: It doesn't sound silly! If this is important to you, I want you to be able to share. This is a safe space. k-simplex: I guess it informs a lot of anxiety I have? That I know my time on earth is really limited and my choices are boundless, and there's this mismatch there. And I'm trying to get ahead of the curve, I'm doing a bunch of pyschoactive drugs and experiencing novel experiences but... I mean, deep down I know I'm not being graded on a curve. I know it doesn't matter whether or not I have more novel experiences than the average person, I'm falling incredibly short on an objective metric. I'm trying to say 'yes' to life, but there's so much of life you know? I'll never be able to say yes to it all. perdvivly: It's a mismatch between your imagination and your reality? What you think you could do and what you can actually do? k-simplex: Not really. Imagination is an unsatisfactory collage of experiential texture drawn from memory. Experience is genuine data. I'm not seeing myself miss out, I'm missing out. There are feeling tones I don't know about, that I can't imagine until I experience them. perdvivly: And what about the bad things? Do you want to experience them too? k-simmplex: Heartbreak, pain, longing, death... These are all profound experiences. I think they're meaningful too. I wouldn't want to say my life was complete until I'd experienced them so, yes, even the bad ones. perdvivly: And worms crawling up your urethra? You'd want to experience that too? bubbliterally: Viv, you're being kind of a dick right now. k-simplex is sharing something vulnerable. perdvivly: You're right, thank you for pointing it out. I'm sorry k-simplex. k-simplex: No, I mean, I take your point. But even if I limit myself to the "good experiences" I'm still falling way short of infinity. bubbliterally: Mmmm. You want to be large. To contain multitudes. k-simplex: Precisely. I don't want to die before I've lived. And I've only lived such a very small amount in the grand scheme of things. And... Like it or not. I'm dying. bubbliterally: I think I will choose to not like that. k-simplex: What about you Viv? perdvivly: Ah. Hedgehogs. Nothing you haven't heard before. I think it's probably something I talk too much about already. k-simplex: No, we're genuinely curious. Please share? perdvivly: Well, I guess it's something like the uncrossable gap between souls. k-simplex: The uncrossable gap between souls? What's that? bubbliterally: Could you say more? perdvivly: Sure. It's something like. Well it's what David Foster Wallace was pointing to when he wrote "How odd I can have all of this inside me and to you it's just words". *bubbliterally thoughtfully eats her icecream*

perdvivly: I have this really vivid and real and deep experience and I just... I can't share it. In principle it's just. Me, trapped inside a room with a door that says "push" and all I know how to do is pull. I keep fumbling and grasping at this door. It's door-shaped, I know about doors. I've worked pull doors. But this is different. No matter how hard I try, I'm locked inside my own head. k-simplex: It's about the claustrophobia of being trapped in your own skull? perdvivly: Not really. bubbliterally: It's about connection? perdvivly: Yeah. It feels really unserious to say how deeply this affects me. But I do... You know, I do feel things. bubbliterally: Right. No. Yeah. We get it. perdvivly: I guess if it's about anything it's about alienation and it's about isolation. k-simplex: I think there are practical steps you can take for that though aren't there? I get that expressing yourself can be hard, but everyone is in the same boat. There has been a lot of spilled ink about the art of expressing yourself lately. And, when words fail you there are haptics too. What can't be said with words can maybe be said with a kiss for example. perdvivly: The DIY pop pyschology of the modern internet aint it chief. k-simplex: I'm sorry? perdvivly: Don't be, I'm just bristling at things you couldn't have any way of knowing I'd bristle at. Which is sort of exactly the thing. I mentioned hedgehogs, you know the parable? bubbliterally: Oh from Schopenhaur? perdvivly: Yeah, exactly. bubbliterally: I see... I can understand the ways that parable interacts with your existential isolation. That can't be a very pleasant way to live. Do you feel this often? perdvivly: Daily. And you're right. k-simplex: Can I make a suggestion that might seem dismissive but I don't mean it to be? perdvivly: Of course, we're all friends here. k-simplex: What if it's easier to believe that you can't show people what you're really feeling because if you did show them, and they didn't realise what they were seeing, or if they were dismissive of it, it would be easier for you to feel like you had failed in saying what you meant to say rather than that they weren't interested in it, or by extension you? perdvivly: Oh. k-simplex: I just mean, if you can't show yourself, then you never have to put anything on the line right? You never have to expose yourself to true and deeply felt pains of coexisting in the world with other people who have their own internal worlds, which are every bit as real and acutely felt as your own. perdvivly: I'm not denying that deep down I could just be one fragile child riddled with insecurity, all this deepseated fruedian stuff that pop-psychologists would love to classify as mommy or daddy issues. But it's an untestable hypothesis right? Maybe it's a defense mechanism and it's all bullshit, but it's what I feel. I feel... Ouch ouch ouch in my brain. You know? k-simplex: I know. And I know how that might come across as dismissive, which is why I gave it the explicit caveat that I did. perdvivly: I know, and I'm grateful for the perspective. I really am. Definitely something to chew on at least. k-simplex: Yeah... What about you bubbliterally? bubbliterally: Huh? k-simplex: Is there a problem you've been sitting with a lot lately? *bubbliterally thinks for a while, drinking her plain tea* bubbliterally: Scissors congruence I think.

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week In Review XVI & 2023 Wrapped

I feel like 2023 just started five minutes ago, am I the only one who feels like this year as passed by quickly but at the same time dragged its heels?

I've seen so many lovely end of year close out posts and years in review. I toyed with how I wanted to close out the year and what I could say that could sum it up sufficiently.

Betty rambles under the cut with this weeks reads if you're interested...

2023 has been a weird year if I'm entirely honest and somewhat isolating. I returned from mat leave, back to working from home, and having to scramble to make adjustments when things fell through. Which resulted in Mr. Truly and I working opposite shifts to ensure the S.S. Truly stayed afloat.

But during the last six months somehow I made it back to Tumblr, to an old account from way back when - pre-dating when the Canucks made it to game seven kinda old - I blew off the dust, cleaned house and made myself a little space. I still don't know 100% how it all happened, though I think it started with the Reddit forum.

You don't need to know the whole spiel about Pedro, because while we're here because of him, it's the community that holds us here. After floating and not really knowing what I was doing, I started to make connections within this community and finding a seat at the table (we'll come back to that) and I found joy again. I'd kinda lost myself in the fog that is half a dozen other titles/roles others looked to me as that had replaced just Betty.

I started writing, hadn't done that in years. I rekindled by love for graphic design, what I went to school for. I was reading books again, as well as so many great fanfics here. I even bought poetry books, something I hadn't done since I don't know when.

I've been really fortunate in my experience that I've encountered so many wonderful people. I may not get to be as social as I'd like to be, and I still have a fear of dropping into DM's & Asks unannounced. I have the shittest memory, if I don't keep a tab open or reply straight away it's sometimes days or weeks before I remember again. But I really hope that I've returned in kind what others have given me because I'd hate for anyone to feel like they don't belong here, because you do.

This community is a table (told you I'd come back) and it's size is immeasurable. It has no bounds and there's always room for whatever kind of chair you pull up and if you don't have one? We'll find one. Need to leave for a while? We'll save your seat. This my friends is a community, and if you're met with those who tell you the table is full, I'm telling you now, they're not a part of it.

Are there going to be those with more notes? Yes. Are there going to be people you're going to compare your writing to? Yes. Are you going to maybe want to pack it all in and delete your masterlist now and then? Yes.

But none of that takes away anything that makes you, you and what you bring to the table.

Life is hard enough without the added pressure of thinking you need to score imaginary internet points with stats and metrics that carry no value. I wish I knew the magic formula, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but let's try and be kinder to ourselves eh?

But I'm really going into 2024 with the goal of curating my own joy - whether it be indulging in the fanfics I want to write and read, more obnoxious coffees, a new fountain pen, giving myself permission to buy the fancy notebook, get back to baking or binging both seasons of Julia and pretending I can make one of her recipes.

So to sum it up, before this goes into a further incoherent ramble, this year has been about reaching out, starting connections and building something meaningful. I've met some amazing people that I am lucky to call friends and without their kindness and extending a seat at the table I'm not sure I'd still be around these parts.

Here's to more of that in 2024 - while I'm not always the best at replying to messages, my DM's and Ask's are always open, feel free to drop in at any time 💕

Pedro Tax™️ for your time...

T R U L Y  U P D A T E S . . .

December x 500 is complete-ish? Thanks to being sick towards the end of the month there's three entries missing, but I'm hoping to sneak them in during the new year! I'm looking forward to a quieter writing schedule that's for sure!

W H A T  I  R E A D . . . Didn't read as much as I wanted to this week - but I'm off this next week, so hoping to do a little more and get through some of my TBR list!

All I Want for Christmas (Frankie) by @morallyinept This was a delightful festive meet-cute that had me on the edge of my seat and also explores the character of Frankie and the ramifications of his actions on his friendships and his ex. 

All I Want (Will Miller) by @laurfilijames This was a bittersweet one-shot that touched on the idea that the festive season isn’t always for everyone and that you never know what’s going on with someone. 

I Put My Book Down to Be Here (Dieter) by @frenchiereading My first New Year’s Eve fic I’ve read this season and it’s so sweet and has a soft Dieter (my fave), who is still his chaotic self! I loved this from start to finish and such a great meet-cute!

Had Me Fooled (Dave) by @wildemaven Heidi has done such an amazing job with this mini series that can be read as a standalone or as a series. I love a soft Dave and Heidi does it so well. This last one had my toes curling in all their romantic glory and I will be revisiting this series again I'm sure!

Reunions (The Thief) by @ladamedusoif I'm behind on Rose's December prompts, but this was the steamy follow up to My Kiss, Only For You (go read that first, no seriously, go read it) and it was so delectable and my greedy self hopes we see these two again in the future.

Cookies (Tim) by @ladamedusoif Speaking of delicious things, this was as indulgent and sweet as the cookies made in this fic. Tim was one of the characters I didn't see becoming such a favourite this year - but I love seeing everyone's interpretation of him. This one here? In my top ranked versions 🫠

So here's to 2024!

Thank you for every interaction, reblog, or tag - every single one is held clutched to my heart in appreciation every time!

Stay safe, and whatever you're doing or wherever you are sending you much love!

[steampunkforever]

Dune Part 2 is once more proof that Denis Villeneuve is an incredibly calculating director. And it should be good. He's been storyboarding Dune since the 80s. Of course Zack Snyder also released a film recently that'd been his passion project since before he was making movies, and Rebel Moon sucked, so that's clearly not a metric for success, but you get my point.

Right on the heels of releasing the phenomenal Sicario, Villeneuve got the keys to Dune. This is a moonshot take the money and run opportunity. I love this type of film. One of those "They may never let me do this again" movies like Magnolia or (to a lesser extent) Apocalypse Now! that build on previous success to sucker studio funding for something you really want to do. Usually this involves jumping to it and spending as much money as possible before accounting changes its mind about sending all those blank checks, but Denis was just as calculating as ever with it.

Adapting two more scifi properties at differing scales was the right idea for this, both allowing for more time to develop Dune and for Villeneuve to find his footing with less ambiguous science fiction (considering that my friends who watched Enemy barely understood it to be about aliens). Villeneuve is calculating. His steps are measured, and I've yet to see a film of his that feels outright rushed.

I think that this is in part due to Villeneuve's understanding that he is (at least up until the release of Dune) not part of a generation of directors who get whatever they want. This generation of director has been waning for a long time, but Nolan and Tarantino really mark the last generation of directors allowed to experiment on blank checks no matter if their last film flopped. Zack Snyder is also technically ranked among them but his decade-long slump is clearly an outlier. Villeneuve has to put out solid movies to earn the right to take creative risks, and Dune has clearly been another measured step in his film career. Which is to say that Dune Part 2 is fantastic.

I have a deeply nuanced relationship with Dune screen adaptations, so do note that there is some bias here, but regardless, this is a wonderful film. Did I wish they'd stuck to their guns and shown Alia for real? Did I kind of hope they kept it to just two films instead of the projected 3+ that are sure to come? Am I still outraged that they didn't recast Sting? Of course. But when it all boils down, this film is a science fiction accomplishment that you SHOULD go see.

The set design, sound design, acting, and cinematography were all top notch. There was rarely anything in this film I did not love (read: Timothee, my archnemesis). Of particular note were Pugh, Ferguson, and Bardem's performances. Bardem's Stilgar was an absolute delight, and I found myself losing the fact that he was acting in his performance. The plot, spectacle, and inclusion of Christopher Walken all sold me on the film.

Another detail that was clear evidence of Villeneuve's extremely calculated process was Zendaya's role as Chani in Part 2. Chani (largely sidelined in the books after showing up partway) is positioned as sort of the soapbox character to remind you that colonialism is bad at predetermined intervals. And while this is certainly not a choice I would've made for the character (I prefer to do my soapboxing in different parts of the text) I can't help but find that I didn't hate Chani's direction in the film. This is in spite of the fact that I detest Soapbox characters (except for in Spike Lee films. Love you Spike Lee) and find their usage lazy. Somehow it works for me here, even if it could've been more subtly rolled into the narrative. Man I'm really reaching for nitpicks, I should go back to demanding they show me a creepy toddler Alia.

Anyway if Sting was the one fighting Timothee's Paul that twink would get stabbed to death so hard you have no idea.

[hit-song-showdown]

My favorite songs of 2023

I am putting together my favorite songs released in 2023. I started off doing a project where I listened to as many new albums as I could (and recording my findings in a spreadsheet), but that project tapered off around June when my move + school year started. But even though I wasn't able to listen to every album that came out, I still came out of 2023 with some of my favorite musical projects of all time. Also as another disclaimer: I am not a professional music writer.

I am also limiting this list to 1 song per album/project.

1. Scaring the Hoes by JPEGMafia and Danny Brown. I wish I could go back and experience again what happened to my brain when I first heard this track so I could properly convey it with text. When I first saw this project was announced, I knew it would take over my life. When I heard this track before the album was released, I knew I would have to form some kind of religion around it. The reason why I'm limiting this list to one track per album is because Scaring the Hoes has 14 tracks so I wouldn't be able to fit them all (other songs I would have given the number 1 spot include Burfict!, Shut Yo Bitch Ass Up/Muddy Waters, God Loves You, and Kingdom Hearts Key). But the title track is the perfect introduction. It's less of a single and more of a thesis statement for the entire project. The production throughout this album is incredible, but STH hits different. The rhythmic, almost menacing handclaps (fun fact: those aren't handclaps--that's the sound my asscheeks make when this song comes on) and the horn sample which I can only describe as Blood Money era Tom Waitsian, it is by far my favorite beat of 2023. Combined with Danny and JPEG's charisma and the way they bounce back and forth, this song is a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart. Also I saw them live and that experience elevated a 10/10 to a 20/10 for me.

2. Prof. Aronnax' Descent into the Vast Oceans by Ahab. I started seriously listening to German nautical funeral doom metal band, Ahab around early 2022 so this was the first new release I got to experience. Even though I loved what I heard previously, nothing could have prepared me for this. The opening track is everything I want from a doom metal song. It starts out with a frantic onslaught of screaming and inhuman growls before mellowing out into a serene instrumental before the mournful vocals kick in. It really feels like the initial shock of your body slamming into the water, then having to slowly drift among the waves as your muscles give out and you're taken deeper into the depths. That's what I like about doom metal: it's music to decay to. This track (and by extension this album) hooked me from a story-telling perspective right away, which shouldn't be a surprise as it was based on Jules Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. The story presented in this album intrigued me so much that I had to read the book for myself. Then I read it again. Then I read two different translations. Now I'm working on a visual novel adaptation. I know metrics for album rankings are subjective, so I'm willing to give an album an extra bump if it gets me to read a 19th century novel at least five times in less than two months and learn Python coding. (Other tracks I would have included: the album is at its strongest as a single listening experience, but I especially enjoyed Mobilis in Mobili and Ægri Somnia).

3. What A Man by Debby Friday. This is a track off of Nigerian-Canadian electronic musician Debby Friday's first album Good Luck and holy shit, what a debut. This is such a well-formed project I can't believe it. I was already enjoying the album throughout the first few tracks. It brought me back to listening to 2000s club music and thinking "wow I wish I got invited to parties." But then I got to What A Man and the world screeched to a halt. I think I was posting on my main blog at the time, so anyone unfortunate enough to follow me had a chance to see my incoherent screeching in real time. This track is incredible. Debby's warm and sultry voice, the spacey production, THE ELECTRIC GUITAR? The first time the guitar kicks in, that's just a teaser for what ended up being one of my favorite music moments of the year. The electric guitar feels like an oncoming storm and Debby is standing strong before it, taking on the wind and rain as her voice becomes louder and almost yearning. Then the song builds with Debby yelling to the high heavens as the guitars wail around her before fading back down into the low bass and rhythmic breathing motif found throughout the album. This track is an experience, and the music video is gorgeous too (the picture I chose for the banner is from the video itself) and the fact that it has less than 20K views hurts me. (Other tracks I would have included: I Got It, So Hard To Tell, Let U Down)

4. Bite Back by Algiers (ft. billy woods and Backxwash). Speaking of songs that build... This is the sixth track off of Algiers' album, Shook and by this point I was already feeling pretty good about the release. I was already prepared to put the opening track, Everybody Shatter on my top 20, but when Bite Back kicked in, something changed. Here's a recreation of my initial reaction: "this sounds pretty good, I like the way this intro...is that billy woods??") Just to be transparent: billy woods' involvement would have been enough to give this an automatic top slot for me, but it helps that his verse is fantastic. His flow is slower than the introductory verse, but that only makes his lyrics stand out more. From the opening lines "One hand wash the other, they both wash the face / Centrifugal force and inertia keep everything in its place / Slowly, spinning in space, speeding, lead foot on the brakes" I knew I was in for something special. One thing I really appreciate about this track is the production. billy woods has a very steady flow with an almost menacing quality to it depending on the subject matter of the lyrics, and the beat shifts during his verse to reflect that. It sounds like it could be a billy woods beat, but it doesn't sound like one of his beats was carelessly shoved into an Algiers song. It's like the beat ebbs and flows with the artists involved. The production gets gradually more intense as billy picks up more ferocity in his delivery. A detail I really like is when billy says "claws rattling, delicate as roaches' wings," the percussion on the backing track picks up an almost rattling quality, but it doesn't sound corny or too obvious. Then billy continues, the backing track picking up even more intensity until it feels like each noise is blasting at full power...and then the tension releases and settles down with Algiers frontman, Franklin James Fisher, delivering the second verse. His delivery contrasts wonderfully with billy woods' too, with his faster, almost whispered vocals allowing the track to pick up momentum again after the previous release of tension. This track knows when to breathe and it's fantastic. But it also knows when to take the air from your lungs as Fisher goes all out with the vocals in the hook and third verse, reinstating what an absolute powerhouse vocalist he is. And just when the track is at its peak ferocity, in comes Backxwash with the steel chair! If billy and Fisher were allowing the beat to gradually shift under their performances, Backxwash grabs the song by the throat and makes it do whatever she wants. Her verse then trades off into Fisher delivering the outro, operating at full power in his delivery. This song is so well-crafted and none of the artists feel out of place. (Other tracks I would have included: Everybody Shatter, A Good Man, Irreversible Damage)

5. Billions by Caroline Polachek. As of writing this, I haven't been keeping up with other people's year end lists, but I know this album is going to make everyone else's. So I feel a bit intimidated to talk about it, but I will try. The production on this album is so good my brain can't even comprehend how it was crafted. I've seen it described as "maximalist," but that doesn't fully capture how well this album knows when to pull back and let the tracks breathe. Billions is one of the more sparse tracks compared to some of the others, but that only makes each production decision stand out more. The second time Caroline says "give me the closure," you hear a little musical sting in the background (probably some kind of synth, but at first listen I thought it was an electric guitar) which didn't show up after the first time that lyric was sung. It's that attention to detail and letting the production build on itself that makes this project incredible. And it goes without saying that Caroline is an outstanding vocalist. She sounds like a siren. It's ridiculous. (Other tracks I would have included: Welcome to My Island, I Believe, Hopedrunk Everasking)

6. The Black Seminole by Lil Yachty. Opening track off of Lil Yachty's psychedelic rock album, Let's Start Here, and what an opening track on a fantastic project. It should be clear by this point that I love songs that build, and holy shit does this song build. I first listened to this album while I was on a plane, and this track synced up with my takeoff. So while the plane was lifting off the ground and I was being pressed against my seat, Lil Yachty gave the final line before the electric guitars and the female vocalist kicked in, both wailing with equal ferocity. Top 10 music experiences of the year, but even going back to listen to that same track when I'm not on an airplane delivered the same euphoric experience. (Other tracks I would have included: Drive Me Crazy, Should I B, We Saw the Sun)

7. Xena by Skrillex and Nai Barghouti. I debated whether to put this song or Hydrate on the list, but Xena was the first track that made me fall in love with this album. With vocals by Palestinian singer, Nai Barghouti, Skrillex delivers an absolutely outstanding dubstep track. Like Billions, it's the kind of music production that makes me have to step back and fully appreciate the craft. The song is incredible at building intensity, but he also knows when to pull back to let the tension build again. And Barghouti isn't just a feature--she is the heartbeat of this song. Her voice melds with the production so well, but in a way that sounds like she's commanding it. My absolute favorite part of the song is when she starts singing in her lower register as the production turns to more naturalistic instruments. Sometimes I see electronic producers robbing their singers of their voices for the sake of cohesive production, but that isn't the case here. Nai Barghouti's voice is crisp, unique, and perfect. It's a fantastic melding of producer and vocalist that makes way more sense than it should. (Other tracks I would have included: Hydrate, Rumble, Ratata)

8. Babylon by Bus by billy woods and Kenny Segal. I already talked about billy woods, but he was a feature so this still counts. Everything I already said about billy woods' skills applies here as well, especially now that he has full control over the track. billy's flow sounds both effortless, and that he knows the perfect word to use for each line. And he uses interesting words. "Glistening waterbug on clean counter / Plague mask, gave the place a cursory glower / He ran away, I gave chase but gave up and sat on his gate for hours" I love this series of bars. He is a storyteller. And then, the beat pauses after billy's first verse, with low menacing notes, a clattering of naturalistic metallic percussion, and then the switch up??? Seriously the way the beat ramps up for SkrapKnel's verses takes the song to another level. The way the Curly Castro and PremRock pass the mic back and forth to each other is outstanding. This doesn't feel like a guest verse; this is a fully realized project. The shamelessness is even more apparent when billy takes the mic again for the final verse, but now with more ferocity in his delivery as if he's building off of the energy created by SkrapKnel. This song is masterful. "I take care of these words, Munchausen by proxy / Somehow beat the tox screen / God save the queen, but that train doesn't stop here anymore" (Other tracks I would have included: FaceTime, Year Zero, Soft Landing)

9. Drain You Empty by Cannibal Corpse. I listened to this album right around midterms and I needed it. But this was the song I kept coming back to. For one, it's fun. Obviously: it's Cannibal Corpse. But I love the way the song opens with a full minute of just blasting you before the drums, riffs, and screams really kick in. Good god the drumming on this album is so good. I absolutely love Corpsegrinder's delivery on this track. The way he shifts from bellowing growls to shrieks, the way he speeds up his delivery to match the pace of the drums, it's so good. I'm sorry I don't have a better analysis. It's fun. (Other tracks I would have included: Chaos Horrific, Overlords of Violence, Blood Blind)

10. Crossing Guard by Model/Actriz. This is a song that made me wish I went to gay clubs more. Yes, it's a killer dance song, but what draws me in is how chaotic the production is. It starts out slow and quiet, then bam! The production starts screeching at you in a glorious onslaught of noise, held together with a fantastic bassline. I love the vocalist too. He can be monotone and subtle, but he also knows how to raise his voice to match the ferocity of the production. I listened to this song countless times last year (often while crossing the street and trying not to get hit by cars), and the line "Like Germanotta, Stefani / Pull the weight from under me" will be stuck in my head forever. (Other tracks I would have included: Donkey Show, Amaranth)

[honeyhotteoks]

🌟 a quick little announcement / ask from me --

i really, really appreciate all the positive reception my fics have gotten over the past year+ of me publishing.... but i've gotten a lot of anon messages recently that i just want to address without singling anyone out.

recently i've been getting a lot of anon messages asking when i'm going to be updating fic, posting new fic, going back to aurora, etc. or asking again when i'll be back on a regular posting schedule. typically i'll answer the nicest anon with something like "soon i promise!" etc., but many of these i just delete because.... i just cannot physically answer them all. but at this point i just think i need to make a little blanket statement. the answer to when am i going to post is "when i write it" - at this point that's really the best answer i can give. i had a posting schedule for aurora but that's because most of it was written in advance, but i do not have a posting schedule as a writer in general. i don't mean to be quite so blunt, but usually if i don't post for a week or a little over a week i get flooded with these messages, some of which go so far as to ask why i'm not posting more altogether. i really don't mean to be mean or harsh at all, but the answer just is that i have no idea. i try to be really open and transparent with y'all, but the issue boils down to the fact that i just don't write as much as i used to, but there's a reason for that and i think i should be honest about why. when i got into ateez last year, i was in the downswing of a major depressive episode. i clung to them and my imaginary little world really fucking hard just to get through that, but it led to me writing a metric fuckton and posting tons of content almost weekly. in the past year i've been pulling myself out of that headspace and to be honest, i'm feeling MUCH much better and much less dependent on ateez. to be clear, they are still a huge part of my life and my everyday, but i'm no longer using them to get by and ultimately it just leaves me writing less frequently. that combined with a career change that leaves me working 50+ hours a week, having a healthy relationship with my partner, seeing friends, and most recently moving apartments, it just leaves me writing in what small pockets i have left. i personally put a lot of pressure on myself to write more and write faster, but sometimes i'll sit down to write and physically just can't do it because i'm making it into this big thing in my head. getting so many messages asking me when i'm posting and why i'm not posting more really just makes that pressure and guilt balloon in my mind. i know these questions are coming from a good place, but with the way my brain works it sometimes leaves me feeling bad and guilty. i guess this is all to say..... please understand that while i want to write more and write faster, i'm in a very different place in my life now than when i was writing aurora. please understand that i am just not able to publish at that speed or quantity anymore, and i've been feeling terrible about needing to make this kind of announcement because i know it's disappointing. but honestly.... i'm proud of the work i've done in the past year and i'm so happy i'm not feeling quite so bad anymore, and while i want to write more, i wouldn't trade it. so i just want to ask for your patience and your kindness on this one, i really am just doing the best that i can. please keep messaging me, please keep interacting and talking about fic, that makes me so excited to write! i love talking about my characters and writing and ateez in general, it's SO fun - but the asks i get on a weekly basis that seem irritated with me have to stop, i can only do so much for so long and if i had stayed at that pace i would have burned myself out completely. thank you all so much for reading and for respecting this, i honestly love this little fic community so much which is why i feel like i can be honest about this. i have a lot of fic plans and a lot working, but for now, i really don't know when i'll publish what. what i can promise is that i'm always writing, even in small ways. so more tnt is coming, more aurora, more one-shots, etc. i just can't promise much more right now. thank you again, i love you all. 

[bloggingboutburgers]

re: "let me know if you found something that works" -- all ive ever found in response to not finding the fandom representations you want is that your imagination and intuition are just as valid as a written story. that sounds bad so let me give some conditions:

it's cheap, and it can feel useless to just daydream. or like making the work happen again. but those little points where you think "omg this video is EXACTLY what those two are like!" when it's unrelated -- i like to think those are little nods from a universe that understands your perspective may not be written down, but is a truly necessary and valid one.

they're characters, but as entities they deserve at least our acknowledgement that we can't control their relationships or feelings. we can paint pictures of them, sure, but aren't the metrics of your soul and heart better at finding the material you want? and wouldn't that heart space be a more reasonable measure than someone who wants to write or read some consumable relationship package in a story? there's SO much less bias in the former, save for our own fears and loves staining things. which is fine. that's us.

the downside to this method is you gotta drop it when things click badly -- e.g. if something just brings you anxiety, it is probably just anxiety. but in all my years of fandom media i've found the best connections with our favorite characters really do come from the heart, not text on a page.

you're contributing to their world in a way just by believing what you believe. so trust that there are odd ways for "confirmation" to occur that would function just as well, if not more intimately, as/then a well-structured platonic/familial fic or artwork.

(that being said. seriously. as the "mom" of many characters, the lack of tags is, frankly, disturbing. i'm with you on the prayers for much more wholesome and general-audience fan works!!)

That's definitely a good thing to do – and I agree, we can always take comfort that we'll at least always have more control over our own brain, and how we experience things for ourselves. That much will always be a good thing.

But... If all of that's just never gonna leave your brain, it's still a pretty lonely experience. What's getting to me isn't an inability to engage with a work in a way I like for myself. What's getting to me mostly is that I'd like to make connections with people who enjoy those works, I wanna be able to talk about my feelings about something I love with someone else, and I can't seem to be able to in a way that doesn't make me feel like an outsider or a very far afterthought. And it's getting to me that I can't seem to make friends over these common interests the way pretty much everyone else seems to be able to.

[journey-to-balance]

I wonder. When is it that a flower is most alive? Is it during the restful moments of winter, deep rooted moments beyond our comprehension? Or, is she most alive during the impermanent hours of spring, when worldly pleasures designate her appearance as a beautiful sight?

Oh, winter. You're a fascinating, quiet season that lulls me to sleep with your icy song, one that seems to linger incessantly. I confess, for many years you were hard to love with your cold breath that chilled me to the bone, and a bold presence that seemed to last so much longer than spring or summer ever did. But, that was then.

Now, I see you are a blessing in disguise, as you offer the opportunity for a reset - a time to slow down and reassess priorities. Sometimes, the most productive thing we can do is give ourselves time to rest. Because if we don't, there may come a day when we are forced to do so. Besides, without you, would I appreciate the fleeting moments of an Autumn afternoon? Or, would I tire, perhaps get bored of summer's length of days?

Dear friend, how lovely it is to write to you again. I took a break from sharing new posts and poetry with you, and while my time away was extremely rejuvenating, I am feeling ready to begin a new year and new routine.

Sometimes, even when we feel like we should continue onto the next big project, it is necessary to step away for a moment and reassess how we want to show up in the world.

While I was away, many days were spent cleaning, cleansing, clearing my home to welcome this year's new energy and purging what no longer serves me. Many days were also spent cooking, baking, trying my hand at new recipes, and of course, writing.

I tackled some long, overdo DIY projects with the goal to beautify and upkeep our old, but very loved home. I went on a self imposed social media detox, switched off apps, removed them from my home screen and really forced myself to watch for my unhealthy consumption habits.

Moreover, I focused on healing my body and on addressing bad habits that were mainly caused by too much desire over discipline, too much restlessness over patience, too much impulsivity over clarity and too much feeling over reason. As matter of fact, my journey to better health and healing continues by addressing ongoing and newly surfaced health concerns.

Going forward, I will have to figure it out, make time for me, for self care that I've neglected for years, detach from people, habits, and fears, in favor of living more fully, taking deeper breaths. I want to create more, at a slower pace, for the simple joy of creating, rather than for vanity metrics and for fear of falling behind. I want to travel more, not as a tourist, but as an explorer, exploring my own mind most of all.

At the moment, I'm dwelling with the high feeling that comes from new beginnings. I know it will subside. I also know it takes a while for the subconscious to convert a new habit into a routine.

So much can happen in a year - or in a day, if we really think about it. There is always a part of us which needs more love, more healing, more stillness. Maybe that alone is reason enough to celebrate winter.

Thank you, sweet friends, and with you I welcome the year of our Lord, 2024. Ah yes, the year of the Green Dragon, one of many changes, in which I will do my best to accept, and adapt... and learn, yes, there is still much to learn.

Respectfully, Maritza

[kaylapocalypse]

Hello!! This may be a bit of a long-shot, but you're a published and fairly successful author that I know how to contact, and I love The Wicker King..

You can respond to this via this ask or direct messages (or not at all!) Whatever you're comfortable with.

I'm in a position where I really need to start seriously thinking about my future career, and the one I'm leaning towards the most at the moment is a creative writer. I love it, and it's one of my strong suits... but the field is not known for being easy to navigate.

You clearly have experience, so I was wondering if you could shed some light on what I would need to do if I decide to be serious about pursuing this?

What does the publication process look like, how do you support yourself financially (is it substantial?), what courses did you take in college (if at all), and how did you get your name out there?

Being an author is a plan/dream I had years ago and had since given up on, but after two years of chasing a different passion, I'm starting to waver again on what I should do...

So, I was wondering if you could tell me about your experience in the writing/book industry; if you're comfortable of course!

Thank you for your time and I hope you have a nice day!

My apologies for taking so long to answer this, I had to think very hard about what I wanted to say.

I think the most important thing for you to know is that it takes about 10 years before most creative writers--novelists especially--are able to live off their craft. And that's not even factoring in the metrics of chance.

I don't mean this as a dissuasion of any kind. Its just very important to me that you enter this field with this understanding. Most authors have a second job, in particular, most authors are either teachers or attorneys for some reason (especially romance novelists, chock full of attorneys) quite a few authors also work at call centers (low effort job that allows for tons of energy for personal time) and another subset are just RICH PEOPLE.

I myself started out as a call center author and then I married someone kind of Well Off. Without them I might not be able to do nearly as much writing as I do.

The biggest thing I want you to be doing right now is picking a secondary "job" that will allow you to write for long enough that you are able to get to that 10 year time when you can retire your first job and get into your writing career. I know 10 years sounds like a long time, but I graduated at 22 and only now as a 32 year old are things starting to fall into place. Think of it like becoming a doctor. Those 10 years are med school and residency.

The next thing that I think is important is that you develop a strong relationship with constructive criticism and stamina.

Here are the three things that kill potential authors early and stop their potential careers on the spot

Being too scared to share their work with as many people as possible. Especially people they do not know. Getting opinions on your work (notably bad ones) lets you learn much quicker how to fix issues. You'll grow much faster as a writer if you're open to harsh opinions and open to sharing your work.

Thinking that because someone doesn't like your book, they don't like YOU. Art is so personal and its really difficult for a huge amount of people to jump this emotional hurdle. What helps is thinking about your favorite artists and authors and whether you like every single thing they ever created. Chances are, you just like /most/ of it. What you really like is THEM. I know of at least 4 people I'm online friends with on twitter who have hated every single book I ever wrote but think my twitter is absolutely hilarious. And people who love my books to pieces but think I'm so extremely annoying and have me blocked on twitter lmao. Its just product, its just a macaroni necklace. Its ok.

Thinking because they aren't having a Wunderkind Experience that they're a failure and give up too early. I recently met a guy who sent out 20 query letters and didn't hear back from all of them and got so bitter he threw an online tantrum (that likely got him blacklisted) and swore not to try trad publishing ever again. 20 queries is nothing. I personally sent out 80 and queried for about 7 months and I absolutely had what people describe as "a Cinderella experience." A lot of other people are like...., 27 and are like "ohhh im too old to be an author... there are so many young authors" meanwhile, if you go to any major conference, all the authors there are like 45-65 years old and there's like 10 people in their 20s-early 30s and everyone treats you like an interesting baby. Getting bitter and insecure about this is the quickest way to lose hope and squash your OWN dreams for literally no reason.

As for the publication process, I have a few links for you:

This last link will be very important to you later, so please save it to your computer. The first two are just informative stuff about the process.

If you have any more questions or want me to talk more about anything I've mentioned here, feel free to send them my way!

[fluffyhare]

((Oh shoot I was mid-ask and pushed the wrong thing and I’m not sure it sent so starting over 😅))

Anywho hello hi there I really hope you don’t mind the like spamming (and interactions in general from nsfw blogs); I just really couldn’t help myself bc I’m resonating so much with your content and tags and you seem like a genuinely lovely human with absolutely adorable artwork so I wanted to show you some appreciation 🥺💗 It immediately comes across how much you love and care for your OCs via the lore you’ve created and the utmost tender way you talk about them and the way they interact with each other ?? 😭 it’s impossible not to fall in love with them too. I also hope you’ve heard copious amount of feedback about how brilliant your writing is - so detailed, so warm, so intimate…it’s extremely flustering and endlessly endearing and I’m so grateful you share your gift with all of us on here! In particular, I’m positively fascinated with Avery’s backstory and anatomy and am loving discovering the depth of the layers of thought that you put into composing him. Excited to learn more 🥰

((((I’m also approaching my third decade of life next year and it’s always nice seeing rep for folks my age in the community who are still enjoying and exploring their relationship with this “kink”(using this term lightly bc I know everyone may not consider themselves to fall under that umbrella). I too met my partner on here, and it’s beautiful to hear that things can work out in the long run so thank you for that tidbit of reassurance 💗 sending wishes of happiness for you both!!))))

Sorry again for this long winded ramble I was just inspired and wanted to send the warm vibes I received while perusing your awesome blog back your way!!! Hope you have a lovely day 💕

-🐰

Anon... my god! 😭💙 /very positive

Crying into my tea on a Sunday morning... god, I am so touched by this, I'm just falling apart...

Let me respond to this sequentially, so I don't just get flooded with emotion (and if you've been watching how I post, you already know this is going to be long as fuck... Sorry! 🥲)

1. I am absolutely okay with NSFW blogs interacting with me, and spam interactions don't bother me at all! The only interactions I don't want are from minors and dickheads, haha. No worries on this, peach.

2. Fewer people interact with my fic than with my art, but when I tell you I treasure every single thing people say about my fic... god, there's just nothing like it. My fic is so, so close to my heart. I've been a writer much longer than I've been an artist, so I feel like I can really express myself through writing in a way I can't with art... I'm trying, but I'm not quite there yet! God, thank you so much for your kind words... I am so grateful that the warmth and love I feel when I'm writing is felt by others, too. I really try to capture the very essence of how these characters and their emotions feel in my mind and heart.

And you like the lore, too? 🥺 My long-winded rambling? My wordy expositions? God, my heart! 😭💙

3. I am so happy to know you met your partner in this community, too! I am really wishing the best for you, and yes, it absolutely can work out! My spouse and I are very different from each other, but we are still best friends after six years, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

4. I feel like this community tends to be younger, especially here on Tumblr, so it's kind of refreshing to hear from someone in the same phase of life as me. If there's anything I didn't expect, it's that I would still be exploring my feelings about tickling (and, well, intimacy as a whole) well into adulthood. It's funny how things come back around, though... I was making tickling doodles in my diary when I was just a kid, but I stopped (and, stopped drawing altogether, really) after high school. Had to work through a ton of shame, religious trauma, and just a metric fuckton of other shit, all to come right back around to doing tickling doodles again, haha! I was delighted to find that, at 30 (and with a whole lot of new experiences and context), it still makes me just as giddy now as it did then.

All of this is to say... There may be common threads throughout one's life, but we aren't really set in stone the way people think. You can absolutely discover, and rediscover, yourself and what brings you joy over and over again as you grow and have new experiences. If I can give any advice on this, it's this: Don't close yourself off. You only have this one life, so use it to experience all you can. Even if you're shy, like me... do your best to lend a kind word, an ear, or a hand as often as possible. You never know who, or what, is gonna set your soul on fire.

Anon, thank you so much for this ask... And if you ever want to chat, I'd be more than delighted. 💙

[loquaciousquark]

One thing that I really appreciate about your fic is that you always have the whole thing prewritten and then you post on a regular schedule until the whole thing is out there. What made you decide to do it that way rather than post as you write? I'm currently once again waffling on just posting as I write or finishing my whole thing and then posting and it's driving me nuts!

Ahh, I'm still reeling from your lovely art! Let me try to compose myself and also try to get through the haze of cough syrup. There are four (and a half) main reasons I always finish my stuff before I start posting. I keep trying to qualify this post by saying they're personal reasons developed over many years and I don't know if they'll mean anything for anyone else, but I'm just dithering at this point, so let's get to it.

The biggest reason by far is that the pressure of knowing someone is waiting for me to write the next part is AWFUL. It's petrifying, honestly. I've only ever posted two fics as I wrote them, River Stone on the kinkmeme way back in whenever (like 2013 I think?), and Metamorphose for Thanzag last year (a three-parter with over a year between parts 2 and 3). I tried it again with Metamorphose because I thought, oh, it's been ten years since I last did this, surely I can now handle posting before finishing--NOPE. AWFUL. Every comment looking for the next part was like a little inquisitive set of eyes peering over my shoulder, and any free hobby time I spent doing other things I felt guilty about for months. Plus, I'm not quite satisfied with that last chapter even now, but the pressure of needing to get it done was stronger than my desire to hone. I hate having that pressure compromise my standards, and I won't be doing it again anytime soon. Plus, I get so much joy out of comments when I do it the other way--writing everything first and knowing that pressure to finish is gone--that the tradeoff of no comments during the writing process is beyond worth it to me. That's the selfish aspect of how I post; I want to be able to just marinate in the reactions without the pressure of trying to figure out what comes next. Yeah, this sometimes means I spend a metric ton of time writing stuff that then doesn't get a lot of feedback once I finally start posting. Ah, well, them's the breaks. I'm familiar enough by now with my creative juices that I know the next fic is just around the corner. .

I'm such a constructionist in my fics, heavily leaning on my outlines for the overall structure and framework, that I spend a lot of time after the first completed draft trying to really polish up themes, characterization, and plot from start to finish. On I think almost every major longfic I've ever written, @jadesabre301 has pointed out a serious gaping hole that needed immediate revision (occasionally very major revision) in order to get the fic to the quality I wanted it to be. I can't go back and add early scenes and theme/imagery reinforcement in chapters already posted, and if I want to make the piece as polished as possible, I need that editing freedom and flexibility. (And she needs to be able to see the whole structure of the piece to find those flaws.) Plus, if I don't force myself to write the interstitial or difficult scenes, I could very easily see myself stalling out after hitting the highlight scenes I'm excited about, and then that'd be the end of the progress. I got stuck in one place in Spire for like eight months before Jade pushed me through it, and if I'd been posting concurrently with that writing stall, I think I would have been miserable. .

I have a high tolerance for sitting down and really focusing on one project for hours at a time, and I have a job and lifestyle that allow that every now and then. I don't have kids, I have a career I'm very well established in (giving me some clear work/life boundaries and seasons when I know I'll be busy and when I know I'll have time to be creative), and I structure my free time in those periods in ways where I can write without interruption. I don't really need external impetus or praise to keep me going (in fact, as mentioned, it often makes me feel worse), so having that dedicated time lets me really sink my teeth into my projects, which makes it so much easier to reach my target goals. I also find completing and closing projects immensely personally satisfying, which helps drive that momentum during the more difficult parts of the process. .

It's important to me to finish my projects so that the stories are complete for the readers. Not just because I grew up on abandoned WIPs in the fandoms I cut my teeth on (Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Harry Potter), either. I remember a particular author in the Inuyasha fandom named Rozefire who wrote what felt like dozens of incredible AUs that I followed religiously for years. However, she never finished more than...memory says a handful of them? And every header at the top of the new fic would talk about how she was still working on the previous one, but after several months I realized that as soon as that new fic went up, the previous one would never see another chapter. I still loved everything she wrote and I still devoured every word, but there were several things I desperately wanted to see completed, and I have so many dusty memories of sifting through those fics for updates every few weeks, pining for any little crumb, haha. I'm able to complete my projects and it's important to me to do so for the sake of any readers, so it's something I make a priority when I write. .

(really 4.5) Not finishing my projects makes me mentally unhappy. It doesn't destroy my mood or anything, but it becomes a persistent itch that poisons all my other hobbies, even if there aren't any comments looking forward to the next chapter. In some ways the ending of that de-aging Fenris/Hawke fic I wrote a million years ago where the story demands a conclusion was a veritable autobiography. There's a reason that of my, uh...63 works on AO3, the only ones not fully completed are the two WIPs I'm currently posting (which are completely written) and the two oneshot/ficlet collections. Those collections have been lifesavers as well in that they are homes for my little orphan ficlets, which also pleases the ruthless organizer part of my brain. I don't like clutter; I don't like tangled wires; I don't like untucked sheets or piles of abandoned craft projects or rooms of untamed chaos. I look at a lot of those cozy little cottagecore aesthetic posts and I honestly just want to straighten everything to right angles and buy them coasters and set up bookshelves so they can clean up the space. I used to organize my parents' VHS collection every summer--we had a spreadsheet with titles and reference numbers that went into the 500s. Finishing fics fits into the same space in my head; when they're finally done I can at last put the lid on the box and put it labelled neatly on the rack with all the rest of the boxes and I can mentally release it from my list of things to think about on the daily. (Which is, incidentally, the main reason I only work on one project at a time; too many open and cluttered boxes = a very unhappy me.)

Anyway! This was a very long answer about a very personal process, and I hope there's some part of it useful to you in some way! <3 At the end of the day, you'll have to decide your posting schedule for yourself based on the things that are important to you. There's no wrong way to do it--it's only whatever makes you happy and keeps you writing! <3<3<3

[starchaserdreams]

Erm, hello!

I am an aspiring writer. I have these stories in my head that I love and want to write about. But when I try, it's the absolute worst shit I've ever seen in my life.

Sorry, what I'm trying to ask is, any tips for younger writers who have no idea what they're doing...?

Hi! I have no idea what I'm doing ever, but I'll try to answer as best as I can. I'll start with generic advice, then say what works for me specifically. Sorry this got so long.

We're all kind of fumbling through life. The writing habits that I have have come from three sources:

a) hearing what other people do and building from them. I'm always in one writers group or another (currently I'm in a local writers group, and I'm regularly involved with two different NaNoWriMo groups in November, one locally and one virtually) and I've picked up a lot from them

b) a metric fuckton of trial and error. Because while part (a) is great some of the time, most of the things that work for other people don't work for me. I can't set a strict schedule at the same time everyday. I can't edit for a long time after I write.

c) NaNoWriMo (see link) helped me SO MUCH. I don't think everything can be written that way, but in terms of getting a handle on your own voice, preventing yourself from stopping to edit, and letting the story flow on its own, NaNo is amazing. It's a great starting point. Editing can come later, once the words are done on the page.

If you're unfamiliar, it's a (totally free) event that happens in November every year where everyone tries to write 50,000 words of a brand new novel in the span of one month. That's 1,667 words per day, so there isn't much time to stop and edit as you go. You just keep going. It's a competition against yourself rather than anyone else, to see if you can accomplish the task. It's also a community based event, so you can commiserate with other writers about the bad and celebrate with them about the good.

They have smaller events in April and July, but to really get the feel of it, November is when it's a party (or a rollercoaster, either way). I went to write-ins in cafes, bars, grocery stores, on the subway, etc. The event is a whole vibe, and now they have in person events again (they paused for covid). If you want to stay virtual, they have that too!

And as for what works for me:

1.

This most certainly wouldn't work for everyone, but it's my current strategy:

I think best when I'm in motion. By far. So most of my storyboarding I do while walking or driving, and I dictate into the notes app on my phone.

I do most of my dialogue this way too, because speaking it out loud makes it feel more like a conversation and more natural. I won't dictate the narration, but I'll include action tags. So it comes out like "Anthony: *flings door open, eyes wide* what in blazes are you doing??" (I add punctuation later)

Then when I get home, I often have several thousand words of notes to work from. My notes file for my last fic was 30k words, almost all of which had been dictated. It's a lot. It might sound daunting.

But it was done while out for a walk or drive, so it felt easy and effortless. And then when it came time to actually write, I got 48,000 words of a first draft done in 8 days (about 15k of which was just copy pasted from the outline. The whole time it felt like cheating and using guidelines to write the actual story, but it was all my original work, just done at different times.

2.

Keep writing as an exciting treat rather than a chore.

I've started to create little writers retreats for myself. My friends and I rented an AirBnB for two nights this winter, where the entire goal was reading and writing. Sure there was sitting around the fire talking and eating good food, but we built it up so that the writing was the exciting part. It worked SO WELL. We did writing activities together too, not just staring at a word doc. We did character studies and made little AUs to imagine our characters in.

A friend and I took a six hour road trip for another writers retreat too. We spent the 12 hours (RT) in the car talking about our stories and characters. We'd started with dozens of prompts so we'd have enough material, and we never ran out. Then we took rest stops at gas stations and restaurants and did little 15 minute writing sprints. It really got me fired up. I wrote 6,000 words over the two days of that retreat!

Keeping writing fun can be big things (my sister and I did a writers retreat like that in Hawaii) or little things (I always treat myself to a donut and a coffee on Sunday mornings and then have a leisurely morning in the cafe writing).

I can't say if any of this will work for you, because I can't even say whether it'll still work for *me* in a few years. But I hope it's food for thought!

Anyway this is like one million words long so sorry about that, hope it was interesting.

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Pokemon Emerald: Ralts Only

The Wally challenge. AKA Why Would Anyone Do This, Please Love Yourself!

I've been watching frankly too much solo Pokemon content and decided to try my own run. But rather than anything remotely sensible I decided to start with Ralts. Oh. Ralts. We're going to get extremely acquainted with one another aren't we.

Ralts is quite bad and honestly a baffling choice for a solo only run.

It's base stats are really low, honestly lower than you would think they should be. It's BST is lower than every other Pokemon you can catch in the area, that's how little they want you to use this Pokemon. But even worse is...

the movepool. There's good moves on here and getting Psychic at the brisk level of 26 is really nice! But we are going to have to gatekeep gaslight girlboss our way past a lot of the early game Pokemon in Emerald. Every Poochyena is an Avengers-level threat.

Let's get started (and the last time I use an emulator's screenshot function again, holy shit).

You might be wondering if the run is even possible at all. After all, the very first thing you do in Pokemon Emerald is defeat a Level 2 Zigzagoon, and you might notice that we don't have any damage dealing moves. Only Growl. Surely the run is just dead?

Nope! It turns out that if the Zigzagoon would KO your Pokemon, it will actually run away instead! Which is both really funny, and depressing. There's no way out for us. We're Sisyphus, and we're assumed happy.

It is at this point that the realization dawns on myself. We cannot actually get to Route 102 without first defeating Brendan, and his Level 5 starter. Eagle eyed readers might notice we replaced Treecko, so Brendan is going to have Mudkip. (Edit from the future: what the fuck are you talking about how did you mess this up?) How, exactly, are we going to succeed in actually defeating him? Well, I have a plan.

It's not a good one, but it exists.

Now this isn't exactly a speedrun. I'm not exactly confident enough in my ability to play through these games quickly enough to make time feel like a relevant metric. I will eventually win, no matter how long it takes. ;w;

But for now, I do the most important part of the run. I save the game and open up PKHex. I'm using a Ralts, so I need as much help as I can get here, and besides, it wouldn't be fair if this Ralts wasn't as good as possible, right?

We actually got really lucky on the nature, as Naive nature is exactly what I was hoping for. 45 base Speed is going to need all the help it can get, so I'm happy for the 10% bonus. Sp.Def is probably our least important stat as well. Now you might wonder why I'm not going for Timid or Modest and...the answer is, unfortunately, we're going to need our Attack stat for a lot of early game fights and throughout the run.

The choice of ability for this run was Trace. Neither Trace or Synchronize are really that good in all honesty, but Trace gives us a bit of information and can potentially be good depending on the situation. Synchronize is neat as a status punisher, but it comes up too infrequently and isn't that good to boot.

Now it isn't immediately obvious, but this actually isn't a perfect Ralts. This Ralts is 31/30/31/30/31/30. This is because this run is going to be using Hidden Power. I'm personally going to be locking in Hidden Power Fire for this run for two reasons. The first is that I think the coverage on Steel-types is going to prove critical for one fight in particular, and the second is, I don't actually think Hidden Power Fighting is good. It sounds like a good answer for Steel and Dark-types, but in Generation III, Hidden Power Fighting is Physical and that means we can't boost it, and it's impacted by Intimidate, which is surely not remotely relevant.

Also for those who don't know, Caitlin is the name of one of my girlfriends, @juci-luci . It felt fitting to make her a Ralts. Love you <3

So let's talk about my plan for Rival 1. Brendan 1. The Mudkiperino. If we had access to Route 102, this would actually be nothing worth talking about. We would mull about in the grass until we got a Ralts or a Seedot encounter, and then use all of our Growl PP until we could use Struggle. But...

Like I said, we actually cannot go to Route 102 yet. So we have to find a way to deplete our Growl PP...and not go to the Pokecenter to heal our HP at all. Let's look at our options here.

Route 101 has three available encounters: Poochyena is definitely the worst, because it's only move at Levels 2-3 is Tackle, so it will constantly attack us. Zigzagoon is also pretty bad though since its a Normal-type, and will do a lot of damage to us as it rams into our face. Wurmple isn't a very strong Pokemon thankfully, so it could work as long as we keep trying for a Level 2 Wurmple.

If you're curious about Route 103, don't worry, it's even worse. Wingull doesn't even care about Growl and will blast us with its special STAB Water Gun. This ain't it.

We actually get pretty lucky and find a Level 2 Wurmple on our first attempt! Now begins...the pain. At -6, this Wurmple is only doing 2 damage to us but what's actually kind of weird here is that the Growls don't actually impact the damage. Wurmple's Attack stat and Level are already so low that the rounding evens out everything anyways. Just an incredibly weird quirk of how the damage formula works. But as an additional quirk, no matter what Wurmple's Attack stat can be, a critical hit will always deal 5 damage. This has a couple of interesting knock-on effects.

The first is we don't need to heal in battle. Once we get to a low enough HP total, we can just run away a use a Potion out of battle. This might seem odd, but it's actually beneficial to do so, since Wurmple's damage isn't affected by anything we do, but String Shot does meaningfully impact our Speed. Outspeeding the Wurmple will give us at least one additional guaranteed Growl, plus it means I can avoid using items in battle entirely. :D

The second is that, ignoring the possibility of crits, we always can waste a minimum of 9 Growls with each Wurmple we fight, and Wurmple has 50/50 odds of using Tackle or String Shot, so we'll likely waste even more. Despite my initial concerns about Potion rationing, we might be able to get away without having to use many Potions!

I'm not going to labor the point too much, but we do manage to waste a whopping 23 Growls during our first encounter. That's what I call progress!

A few short encounters later and we've finally used all 40 PP for Growl, and now have access to Struggle. Generation III is the last generation before Gamefreak decided to bust the kneecaps on this move to prevent shenanigans with infinitely long fights (see: why Wobbuffet was banned in competitive Pokemon for so long), so we won't be taking too much recoil.

It is precisely this moment where I realized I needed to replace Torchic and not Treecko in order to get my rival to pick Mudkip. Honestly I have no excuses for this, I started this at about 1 in the morning. We're just going to live with this embarrassment and move on.

I'm not really convinced this fight is doable at this level, but that is actually a fairly decent amount for Struggle to do. Ultimately it's very close but I needed Brendan to be slightly less aggressive with his attacks.

I've actually never whited out at this fight so I didn't even know respawning here was a thing that happened. It might also be because I didn't visit the Pokemon Center. The things you learn! Unfortunately this is going to be a reset, so let's just add this here...

Reset Counter: 1

There we go.

I want to make it clear how thin the margins are here. I think this is doable, but it is probably going to require some above average luck.

Growl is a blessing and a curse in this battle. On one hand, if Torchic uses Growl, it's a turn where it's not hitting you with Scratch, which deals 4-5 damage without a critical hit. But, Ralts is already doing 1 recoil damage to itself, so Growl reducing our damage output also, paradoxically, means we are going to deal more damage to ourselves with Struggle.

On the 4th attempt, Caitlin just decides she's had enough and scores a critical hit on her 3rd Struggle, not only knocking out the Torchic but doing it without taking a single hit. I knew she could do it. :3 We get a nice 69 EXP for our troubles and...oh. Well that's unfortunate.

Oh they REALLY did not want you using this Pokemon. Ralts being in either the worst or the second worst leveling group (depending on how you view Erratic honestly) is truly tragic. We didn't even come close to leveling up after the Torchic fight. Which means we're going to need EXP to help us out. Before I forget...

Reset Counter: 3

Oh boy do the hits just keep on coming. Emerald in particular REALLY hates Ralts with every fiber of its being. If this were Ruby or Sapphire, this Poochyena would actually be a Zigzagoon, and we could grind up to Level 6, learn Confusion, and push past it. But Poochyena is a Dark-type, meaning its immune to Confusion. So while we could get Confusion...there's no point. We might as well try and see if this fight is doable at this level.

Fortunately the answer is yes. We even got a little lucky with a Turn 3 Howl, but even if the Poochyena just used Tackle all three turns, it wouldn't have mattered. Keep in mind...for most of the early game, Every Single Poochyena has to be dealt with this way. The first available damage dealing move Ralts will have to deal with Dark-types is Thief. From the Slateport Museum. We're dealing with a special kind of bad here.

I'm gonna stop here because this post is already long as fuck, but the next one will include the first gym leader, and the Poochyena that will make us want to use literally any other Pokemon.