#I'm mentally thriving obviously

[sarah-sandwich]

I posted 20,583 times in 2022

318 posts created (2%)

20,265 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pablothefrog

@butch-himbo

@merlin-made-me-bi

@lucianinsanity

@food-forever-hufflepuff

I tagged 4,466 of my posts in 2022

#parkner - 142 posts

#peter parker - 128 posts

#harley keener - 124 posts

#dndads - 115 posts

#humans are good - 104 posts

#parley - 84 posts

#amazing art - 78 posts

#sswrites - 71 posts

#keenker - 64 posts

#nwh - 59 posts

Longest Tag: 105 characters

#but she said it in a jokey way so i welcomed her sarcastically 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

I sent 2 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Can we take a minute to geek out over fucking Amanda??? Like ep one she was SO quiet while the others were farting around and gleefully ripping up the flooring of Anthony's world to watch him dig (affectionate) but then it was her turn and she was RUTHLESS and EFFICIENT and METHODICAL and that contrast was soooo funny

Then in ep 2 the main cast has the measure of her and they're wary but Beth is going in for the kill in her clumsy oafish way (still affectionate) but Amanda meets every move and spins it back on them ALL WHILE DRAWING BETH INTO HER WEB

Then there's ep 3 where she finally clues you in that she is also unhinged but with such COMPETENCY that you don't see it for what it is until you're already in love with her and you know that she will eat you alive and you will let her

74 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

#4

''YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT MY BABY PICTURES GIVE THAT PHOTO ALBUM BACK TO ME'' ''but it's from a time when you were actually likable 🥺''

from the prompt list please??? anyone you want, I just think it’s funny and you could do this justice

So uh, as you know this got out of hand lol

Here it is! The much anticipated fake dating prompt fill that blossomed into a 7 chapter fic :)

Two boys, both alike in dignity--by which I mean they have none. Harley is lying to his family about why he hasn't come home in years. Peter is lying to everyone about pretty much everything. Together they can make everything worse by lying together (heh) in Rose Hill while Harley pretends to his family that Peter is his long-term boyfriend and Peter pretends that he hasn't had a crush on Harley since the day he met him--or no. He DOES pretend he has a crush-- Wait, no he doesn't pretend because he HAS a crush so he pretends to pretend that he--

It's complicated.

Read on AO3

81 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#3

I have to know what “the olive garden revelation” was omg

Omg it makes me wheeze cry laugh every time. Griffin finds out (as an adult! in front of an audience! on a stage!) that Justin and Travis pranked him as a kid by telling him that you can take the raw fettuccine out of the display containers at olive garden and munch on them.

Here is the audio clip (it's from a live show but its decent quality) I just listened to it again and I'm sweating from laughing so hard

88 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

#2

A Peach Like You - sequel to Peaches ain't Pretty

Peter Parker never considered himself special. Maybe, yeah, having radioactive blood and spider-like abilities makes him different and his vigilante career is out of the norm and fine, yeah, he's on the autism spectrum. Call that "special" if you want. But under all that, he's a regular college student juggling three jobs, an internship, a sad mockery of a social life, and saving the city day and night. The usual stuff.

So when he somehow catches the eye of a blue-eyed mech engineering major with an accent that could turn even Aunt May's brick-hard mashed potatoes to mush, he's only thrown for a minute before he writes it off as a fluke. What could a guy like that see in a guy like him anyway?

Chapter One Will Be Posted January 5th CST

Check below the Read More for a sneak peak

Chapter 1: I’m an only child and I’m desperate for attention

Peter’s web-line, tangled desperately between numb fingers, holds as he slams into glass. Air punches from his lungs, but the pane stays intact. He fumbles for his footing, slipping in the smears of scarlet left from his meeting with the window, then begins the slow miserable climb to the ninth floor. His abdomen burns. His head pounds.

He’s not going to pass out. He’s not going to pass out. He’s…

He’s so fired. The pizzas he was supposed to deliver are long gone by now, whether he can remember where he stashed them or not. His boss is going to be furious with him for flaking on his deliveries again. He may have attempted the tried and true ‘It’s not my fault, Mr. Leonetti, I was mugged,’ routine if it wasn’t for all of the cell phones that recorded Spider-Man getting stabbed not two doors down from the pizza shop. He can’t risk anyone making the connection between Spider-Man and Peter Parker.

What was he supposed to do? Not drop everything and strip down to his suit to stop the bodega from being robbed? Not web the clerk out of the way of the stray bullet? Not take the lucky stab between his ribs during his distraction?

Actually, he could have done without that last one. Ned has enough on his plate without having his mess of a childhood best friend slithering through his window every other day with life-threatening injuries.

He breathes a sigh of relief as his fingers curl over Ned’s window sill. His Friend of Spider-Man sense must be tingling because it’s wide open. A strange choice for February, but you won’t hear him whining about his unprecedented change in luck.

He pushes the screen until it pops free of the frame then rolls into the apartment. He lands with a thud on gray carpet and groans as the impact aggravates his stab wound. It’s not until the haze of pain clears enough to see the unfamiliar light fixture above him that he considers how unlike Ned it is to have the window open on a day that’s threatening snow.

Ned hates winter. He hates leaving the window open even a crack and often compromises by stuffing a towel in the crack to keep the draft out because, as much as he hates winter, he loves his best friend more.

As he blinks at the rest of the room, dazed from blood loss, he slowly puts together that this is not Ned’s apartment. It smells wrong for one thing. Like burnt bread and blood (the latter of which, yes, he realizes is his fault), but also there’s a distinct lack of life in this place that’s so contradictory to Ned’s merch and memorabilia-stuffed apartment that for a moment he thinks maybe this one is vacant. No shoes by the door. No pillows on the couch. No DVDs next to the TV. No takeout containers. No books. Nothing.

Other than a mason jar that’s half-filled with odd little trinkets on an otherwise barren bookshelf, the place is lifeless.

Well, nearly lifeless.

In the same moment he decides he ought to haul his broken body out the window and try for the correct window, a tall blond someone wearing a knit sweater and jeans that have been worn soft over time steps into the room waving a towel at the smoke lingering near the ceiling.

The man freezes as they lock eyes.

Oh, mother fudger.

183 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Anthony: and he cuts your head off

Everyone: *SCREAMING*

Beth May: Is she okaaayy???

224 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cryptiicism]

labru, the winged lion, and ✨ trauma ✨

picking back up from last week's episode of me being cryptic, lets go!!

so, why do i find labru interesting and why does the winged lion matter?

first, let's go WAY back, back to the beginning when kabru was a kid. growing up he was ostracized because of his eye color, and he specifically notes that he must've been a monster.

jumping forward, who loves monsters? who breathes, eats, and thrives off of the knowledge of monsters because it is his second nature? laios touden, a man who would tell you everything there is to know on monsters because he finds them interesting. he loves them.

that, is why labru works so well, because for kabru to love laios... he has to love himself.

but first, he has to go off the deep end because he's kabru and that's what he does. why though? because growing up and being hated for standing out, only to find someone who loves the very thing you see yourself as. something that you have deemed unlovable is revolting, and like the situation you grew up in you choose fear over any attempt to understand.

but that's why kabru is different, because unlike monsters he has the ability to change his nature. so he does, just... not before the winged lion gets his hands on laios.

however before we delve deeper into the dungeon's clutches , let's look at how labru views themselves.

kabru -> " i'm a monster dressed in a persons clothes. "

laios -> " i'm a person dressed in monster clothes. "

obviously, they are both outsiders, just as their fellow party members are so why does it matter?

think back, just as laios loves monsters there is a man who knows people inside and out literally. that is kabru of utaya, who analyzes people like it's a sport going out of style.

that, is why labru again, works so well because like how kabru views himself as a monster to a degree. laios craves to be shed of his skin because his monster clothes fit all alright, but they itch... it's not quite right, because they were given to him just so people could have a reason to say " look it's a monster!! "

but it's just autism , and leading into that ... laios obviously has depression as shown when he gets grabbed by the spirits , having suicidal ideation because he thinks it'd been better if he had died in falin's place . so for kabru to be so fascinated by people , it's like rubbing ointment on laios' itching skin because he feels seen .

he feels like a person when kabru expresses that he finds laios interesting and engages with him , and it helps ease those out of place feelings when they make each other feel seen .

too bad something else sees laios too , and laios stares back into that void because while his itch is temporarily soothed , it comes back .

that's how trauma works , it can be eased but it's still there . like an insatiable hunger , and that's why laios is the subject of the winged lion's interest . Laios' desire is to be that of monstrous nature , as long as his nest is protected and he is full , all is fine .

The lion says as much, however that's just it turning laios' mental health problems into a reality. the desire to be a monster stims from being a outsider as a kid, and plus they're just cool- but it comes from never having a place in society, and detaching hence why laios doesn't care for anyone besides those he dubs as close.

but after the demon is defeated, that's when we really see kabru and laios grow close, because at that point they both realize. They understand and see each other, " I felt like like something I wasn't and I wanted to be loved. " so..

they love monsters, they love humans, and they finally have a home where they are loved back.

@sicklyworm hope you enjoy !!

[wonysugar]

can i ask why you write porn about these real life women? do you not realise you're the same as ince! men who sexualise female idols? like, do you genuinely believe you're any different from them? what possesses you to write pornography about these women, do you not consider their mental well-being, or their feelings even? no empathy? i'm genuinely asking

hi anon :]

sorry to potentially come off as being rude or anything of the sorts, but i do think that it is NOT that deep..😭

first off, they’re celebrities! look at any other famous person girl they could not care less.. they expect literally everything from the public, they are not as preoccupied by it as much as you seemingly are! at the end of the day, they’re successful and get paid. yet again, i could be completely wrong and if an idol genuinely and openly expresses discomfort towards it then yeah of COURSE i’m not going to write about them are you joking… plus they know that fans thirst over them, some of them even thrive off of it like cmon..! if anything, they probably find it funny I MEAN I KNOW I WOULD??

also! it is necessary for you to know that this is FICTION!! everything i write on here literally comes straight out of my ass like i’m obviously not gonna encourage any of this behavior towards the idol in real life hello.. i hope you know that this is simply for entertainment and truly none of it is real..😭

lastly, you probably had to search up certain tags to find my account, we all wonder how you ended up here! you definitely didn’t come across my account by simply scrolling.. idk basically calling someone a degenerate through a screen only to turn out to be reading the same things that they write is nawt a good lookkk but what do i know!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I(26nb) stopped answering my ex (27nb) or asked them to stop messaging me?

They aren't asking to get back together. A while back, my partner dumped me bc we just weren't talking as much, were into different things, and drifted apart. Normal stuff people break up over all the time. They told me there was no hard feelings on their end, and I was the same. It was kind of a bummer but the fact that I wasn't especially upset was evidence the relationship was dead at that point.

At the time, my New Ex™️ asked if I needed space or if it would be okay to check in on me from time to time and make sure I was okay because, even though I said I was fine, they were worried about the effect this would have on my mental health. I'm clinically depressed and they were aware things had gotten pretty drastic years before we even met, but the entire time we knew each other I was stable, and even when I was low I wasn't a danger to myself. I have meds and a good therapist and a lot of practice with coping strategies, I'm good to go, I got a handle on myself before we met and I still have a handle on myself now. Obviously mental health isn't a guaranteed thing and just because I'm currently okay doesn't mean I always will be, but I have the tools to handle it when needed.

All this to say, when they asked if they could check up on my mental health, I was a little taken aback, wondering if they thought this would drive me to something extreme and if so why would they think that. I assured them that I was fine, totally stable and doing well and they had nothing to worry about, but I'd like to stay friends so sure, message me whenever you want.

I figured they'd check in on me in the immediate aftermath, which they did, but I thought that once that aftermath had passed they would go back to messaging me more conversationally, if at all. But since then, they keep doing "check in's" every few weeks to make sure I'm okay. This is not something they did when we were dating. I've been playing along because I'm the one who said it was okay, but I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about it?

Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it rubs me the wrong way that they only message me to do these check-ins, as if they think I'm going to fly off the deep end because we broke up. As if messaging me isn't having a convo with a friend but is instead some sort of wellness check they're obligated to perform. Like I said, I was taken aback to begin with by the implications of this, but now that they're still treating me like that months later, it's kind of pissing me off.

They literally just say "checking in" and nothing else, and they don't seem keen to converse otherwise. It gives me wellness check vibes which bothers me because I'm not in crisis, I've never been in crisis while they've known me, and them dumping me certainly didn't change that. I cannot emphasize enough that even when I was deep in depressive lows while we dated, it was never their job to do this sort of thing and they only started doing it after we broke up. It feels like they think I'm too weak or too unstable to actually be okay without them, even though I've repeatedly said that I'm currently thriving and to my knowledge there's no reason for them to think I'm currently a danger to myself.

Part of me wants to just start ignoring the messages but I'm worried that if this person thinks I'm so at-risk they need to keep checking on me months and months after dumping me, they might assume the worst if I just stop answering. The rest of me wants to just ask them to knock it off, but in that case I'm worried I'll come off as defensive and unreasonable, like I'm being offended over someone caring about my wellbeing, or that my frustration with this behaviour will make it come off harsher than I want it to. I don’t want to attack them for being worried about me, even if I find the degree of worry a bit insulting at this point.

My ex does not have an anxiety disorder and is not an anxious person at all. I have never threatened to do anything to myself in the time they've known me, and my reaction to the breakup was very calm and casual. I don’t know why they're acting like this, but it feels... I dunno, infantilizing? Condescending? I don’t know how exactly to describe it other than that it kind of feels like a slap in the face after the years and years of work I put into getting to this point with my mental health, none of which I needed them or even knew them for.

Would I be the asshole if I asked them to stop and was honest about why? Should I just ask them to stop and not elaborate? But then, if they ask, I don't want to lie, but maybe this is a situation where honesty isn't the best policy? Should I keep my mouth shut because they aren't actually doing anything wrong and I'm the one who said I fine with them checking on me? I was fine with it in the short-term, if a bit confused, but I never imagined it would still be going on months later.

What are these acronyms?

[kingofthewilderwest]

My creative heart thrives by revamping my older works.

This means that, in my thirties, I play melodies that I wrote at nine. I still am revamping and retelling stories I began when I was six. I still have my old crayon-scribbled stories, with all their messy illustrations, loose narratives, and misspellings.

The naivete of being six means that you don't realize when names are poor names. The most egregious examples include a toad princess named Shitslyia and a story where two alien characters were named Labia and Clitzy (how????? in the same story?????).

So this means names get updated. Her name's Lebiya now, for the record.

Well. One of the names I've had the hardest times updating is Moron Miston. She's a frequently-recurring character who's appeared since I was about five, back to when I couldn't spell or do grammar worth a darn.

Now, Moron isn't exactly pronounced like "moron." It's subtle. But it's different. The second vowel is more reduced, verging close but not always quite to schwa territory. I'm simplifying my explanation, but "schwa" is close enough for y'all. If I were being a linguistic pedant, I could pick the proper International Phonetic Alphabet mark. But for English's vowel-depleted writing system, the "o" is the closest I get to what I hear.

But, obviously, calling a character, a serious character, "Moron," unironically, can't be done.

I could do Morin. That's a good option, frankly, and one I keep veering toward. I could do Morynn or Moryn or Morenne. Morenne Miston, that's got style. I actually did Moren from junior high to early college. Elsewhere, I compromised by giving her a longer name, Moronian Mistonlhel, as if adding -ian could excusably preserve the "moron" at the core.

It's been a battle for the ages: preservation versus save-my-face-ification. It's been a lifelong quest, a wrestling match, a marathon of carefully calculated decisions. Odysseus's quest is light in comparison. Magellan never traversed as far as I. There is no suggestion you could provide that I haven't contemplated, deep into the night, sleepless, staring up at my ceiling, mental screams overriding any external nocturnal tranquility. Every time I get rid of that second "o," my poor brain registers, "But that's not the right sound I'm trying to depict." The "e" is too forward. The "a" is too open. It's an "o"! No, I can't use a diacritic, that looks wrong! And every time I look at the second o written down, I cry, "People are going to call her 'moron'."

People are going to call me moron.

Who the heck do people think I am, an actualized woman in her thirties, dithering about calling one of her characters MORON Miston?!?

And then, the other night, I was going back through said five-year-old childhood stories.

Reconstructing spelling has always been weird for these stories. I had "Majik Misty," which obviously was a mispelling of "Magic Misty." No sweat. I also had Jireh. I didn't know how to spell Jireh, so her name got transliterated as Jiaria, Jaarah, Jarah, and every other phonetic attempt, but I always knew it was Jireh. Also no sweat.

And I thought Moron Miston was no sweat. It got quickly standardized to Moron. I always thought it was Moron. The OG, "official" spelling has been Moron for over two decades.

And then...... in said five-year-old childhood stories...... I saw her name written with one variation.

"Morgan."

I'm screaming.

[msmargaretmurry]

I honestly think Matthew came back too quick from his injury and struggled physically and psychologically way more than he'd ever let on through December of this season. I don't know WHAT happened over New Year's, but whatever it was, if he keeps up his 2024 pace, he's gonna beat his regular season points record. We love to see a rat boy thriving in his own time.

i definitely agree that matthew's slow start to the season was due to his injury — he clearly put a lot of pressure on himself to be "100%" for the start of the season and i don't think that was actually possible! he was obviously medically cleared to play, and i really don't think the team would have taken a big risk rushing him back for opening day if it was dangerous. not that hockey teams won't do that in general. but like. extremely stupid and useless to do it for the beginning of the season, and i think matthew + the team both know the value of him being starting the season healthy so he can STAY healthy. so i DO think he was "healthy" from a medical standpoint. but that doesn't change how little training and conditioning and bulking up he got to do over the summer (remember those pictures of him looking downright scrawny in his golf clothes? 😭), or how long it takes the body to truly FULLY heal from an injury that traumatic, and, like you said, there's definitely a psychological element to it — being in that much pain fucks with your head! the slow recovery process is tough, mentally! i think it is SO reasonable and understandable that he had a slow start to the season. i don't know if something specific happened to get him going or if it was one of those things where everything finally just clicked but i'm so happy to see him back to his old self on the ice <3 we DO love to see a rat boy thriving in his own time!!

[gabessquishytum]

JESUS H CHRIST that last warprize hob ask. MY GOD I am going feral. That is the stuff, that is my jam okay, that's what I'm talking about. Dream being a sadistic bastard of a king, YES PLEASE.

I love imagining Hob in tears and begging, this is uncharted territory for him. He's Hob Gadling, roguish charming mercenary for hire, who's always been able to talk himself out of trouble. He's always been the one to take care of his partners, but now. Now, he's been reduced to a plaything, dressed in skimpy fabrics, decorated with piercings designed to enhance his sensitivity to a 100, body changed to be better suited for pleasure, his and that of his king.

Oh how he struggled against his bonds at first, all the escape attempts when he managed to recover his mental faculties enough to be aware of his situation. The punishments he wrought were absolutely brutal, he always ended up a pleading, bleeding mess begging for forgiveness on all fours.

I'm drooling at the thought of a permanent change, like the piercings (body part of your choice) OR maybe a womb tattoo. OH my god, let me bring that up real quick. Maybe the aphrodisiac candies aren't enough to keep Hob in line anymore, and so Dream needed to find a way to keep him docile, on a more permanent basis. Muwahahahahaahha

Cue Hob in restraints, gagged and bound to a table. And he's bawling his eyes out as he realized what's happening, crying out no no no please no please I'll do anything, though it is muffled. And Dream is there obviously, getting off at the sight of Hob's big pleading brown eyes, but he needs to focus on the ritual now. And once it's all over, he'll make sure to kiss all of Hob's tears away, as an apology. And who knows, perhaps a pregnancy or two might distract Hob for the foreseeable future.

I'm sorry, that last line was an excuse for Dream to put Hob in a mating press position. I'm so sorry.

I pray and hope someone writes the full fic. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

-Love Yan Anon <3

Ajajdjfjggk here's a link to that other sadistic bastard dream ask <3

Magic womb tattoo tho? Magic womb tattoo <33

Hob is on his back, legs spread, and Dream is looming over him like... Well, like a nightmare. Hob has his mouth full of a leather gag and he's writhing, biting, straining against the cuffs keeping him down. When Dream starts working on him, it's agony. The magic seeps into his blood and it hurts so much... but Dream is whispering to him sweetly, telling him how brave he is and how it's all going to be OK. Hob is so strong, he's going to survive and thrive and be Dream’s good little pet. Doesn't he want to be good? He knows how hard it is for Hob to behave, but Dream’s going to make it so much easier for him. He'll be so much happier when he's calm and behaving properly.

The tattoo is of course visible for everyone to see on the outside. It curls around Hob’s lower belly, reaching down between his legs. He's not allowed to wear anything that covers up the tattoo now, so it's constantly on show. Under the skin, there's a lovely womb ready and waiting to take the king’s seed.

Hob wants to rebel, of course. His personality hasn't changed. But his blood is full of magic now, and it compels him to be good. There are moments when he misbehaves - Dream is always rather amused by his pets bad behaviour, and he enjoys the opportunity to spank Hob’s arse raw - but mostly, Hob is... docile. Sweet. Devastatingly horny, too, constantly crawling between Dream’s legs and mewling sweetly to be fucked.

Dream has a mating bench specially made for his pet, as a gift for how well he did with the ritual. Hob is gently strapped into place on the rich, comfortable leather. His legs spread open, his blood pounding through his veins with the knowledge that he’s going to be fucked and bred. He knows that he won't be allowed up again until Dream is convinced that he's pregnant - he's in for the long haul.

A week ago, the idea of his belly swelling with the king’s child would make him shudder. Now... he gazes down at the ink on his skin that claims him as Dream’s possession, his object, his thing. And to his horror and mild disgust, he finds himself looking forward to the future.

[salmalin]

I Wanna Talk About "Comments"

IMG ID: Yknow go figure you’d abandon this for a popular fandom… goes to show you just write for attention and instant gratification. May as well just delete this. It’s clogging up space. To do all this and walk away for mainstream games is so typical for people like you who claim to be in it for the art. You’re in it for the ratio, you’re in it for your massive ego, so just delete it.

I've been getting a few comments like this lately, and this one is honestly the least biting, but I've been seeing enough of them that I've decided to post this.

I've already deleted this "Named" Anon Comment off the fic, and I'm not going to reply to them, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about this mentality, and why comments like this make no sense.

Basically: They're angry that I'm taking a break from this fic from a small fandom—a fic they've never interacted with—while I'm also writing another story for another fandom that happens to be bigger. This bigger fandom fic has (despite being in first-person with a non-linear storytelling style, famously hated formats) gained a bit of attention. Which is fine. That happens.

So let's talk about why this comment sucks, and why it fails at every level to be any form of criticism, constructive or otherwise.

"abandon this for a popular fandom" Everyone can see that this fic is marked as incomplete. Whoever this is, they chose to click on an incomplete fic that hasn't been updated in eight months—only eight months. A drop in the bucket, really, and the time I went between chapter 5 and chapter 6 was over a year. This is on them. They do not get to put this on the writer. At any point they could have stopped. At any point, they could have closed the fic. They knew this from the get-go. They did not. This was their decision, and they're trying to blame me for their despair. They made it through 245k before they reached this point, and I know because they commented on the last chapter specifically.

"you just write for attention and instant gratification" "Instant"? I don't think this person knows how writing works. Like, on a fundamental level. This story started getting posted in 2020, with my most recent update this year (2023), and they think writing and posting something is looking for "instant gratification". Bold to assume this is "instant". (Bold to assume we have any control over it at all.)

"May as well delete this. It's clogging up space." AO3 is only limited by its server size, and my fic is a drop in the bucket. It is not taking up much in the way of space. Besides, just because something is unfinished does not mean it doesn't belong on AO3. That's why you're allowed to upload chapter by chapter. That is a critical function of the website. It's also an archive, which means it's designed to hold information, finished or unfinished. Again, shame on the reader.

"You're in it for the ratio; you're in it for your massive ego." These are not only assumptions, but if this person is really so opposed to the idea of people doing things for attention, they should ignore children when they need food, only read published novels that are obviously written in a desperate grab for money, and never go on AO3 ever again. If writers didn't want attention, they wouldn't post online for free because they'd just keep it to themselves. And if commenters didn't want attention, they wouldn't comment. (But then would we even have a fandom, if no one's talking to anyone else?) Is this the attention they wanted? Probably. I've found that people like this seem to thrive on the misery they inflict on others.

If y'all care to know why this person was so abysmally wrong in this specific context: (if not, just skip to the end of the list.)

This fic that they're complaining I left for a bigger fandom? I actually left that bigger fandom for this fic. That "bigger fandom" was the first video game I was ever obsessed with. It was 1997, and I wasn't even allowed to touch the console. My brother destroyed the final disc in a fit of rage. I've never even beaten the final boss. It has been 26 years, and for a solid 15 of them I was desperately trying to figure out what I wanted to write for the pairing that changed my life. This fic that they're complaining about me "abandoning" Fires of War for has been rolling around in my brain for longer than the media for Fires of War has even existed. In fact, when you search my username here on tumblr, an ask I sent another user laying this out is essentially the first thing you see. (At least, right now.) In fact, my current user pic is from Fires of War. I did not change it because there's no need to.

Fires of War is actually still in progress, and they would have known this if they read the other comments on the same chapter they complained on. I originally took a break from FoW due to stress, and because no matter what I tried, the next chapter just wasn't working. After a break, I realized why—the outline was broken and needed to be adjusted. Meanwhile, the other fic I'm working on to relieve that stress is much, much easier to write. In my eyes, it's much lower quality, as well. It requires fewer stages of editing. The words flow easily because they're much closer to my speaking voice. I'm not constantly researching cultures I know little about for fact checking and world building and (I shit you not) intercontinental politics. (I once researched the GDP, climate, and economy of Spain in 1986 for several hours and proceeded to have a three hour debate with my editor about a plot point. Yes. Three hours.) Oh, and I don't have to write anything in Iambic Fucking Pentameter. (Yes, that's a thing in Fires of War. They are complaining that I "abandoned" a story that has bits of dialog in god-forsaken Iambic Pentameter. Even at my peak, I wrote 8k in two weeks. But with my current "popular" fic, I can whip out 14k in one. That's how much easier it is.)

I want to turn those "ratio" stats off. I've mentioned this to people a few times, actually—I wish there was a way to turn all stats off on the Archive. They actually give me anxiety. I don't want to know how many comments are on my fic, or kudos are on a little obscure piece. I think that information should only be accessible to the writer, like Tumblr follow counts.

Literally talk to me for three seconds and you will be sick of how into the art of it I am. Holy shit, I cannot shut up. I will include required reading. I will rant about the details I put in for plotlines ten chapters out. I will give you a crash course in tone, word choice, and counting verbs. And yes, I count verbs! Holy fuck I am autistic as hell and this is my special interest. I love writing so much. It's my favorite thing in the world. Please stop my I CAN'T STOP I LOVE WRITING SO MUCH GOD IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FUCKING SANE. So you can imagine how misguided I think someone is when they say I'm not into the art of it. It just exposes them as someone who doesn't know what art is.

I'm a hermit who doesn't really go online much aside from using Discord as a free texting app because for some reason every texting app I've gotten has been broken. I legit do not like attention. I talk to like four people a day outside of work. I don't even like it when people complement me too much. Even if I went above and beyond, just one sentence is more than enough and move on, please. It's good to know my actions have had positive consequences, because that's crucial for my brain processing said consequences so I can continue said action in the future because I know I didn't do something wrong, but repeated praise makes me uncomfortable. It took me a long time to understand this about myself. This seems antithetical at first, but I do like the comments that break down the themes, execution, etc. in my fics. If they're breaking things down, moving to point to point about parts they enjoyed, there are giving me critical feedback. They tell me what thy enjoyed, and what was picked up. It's extremely useful feedback to know what they enjoyed, and what stood out to them. It helps me write better stories on the future, and hones how I get my point across. Besides, what is art that doesn't spark innovation and thought? It is forgotten.

The strongest hate is born of love—misguided though it may be—and this person has made that clear. Obviously they care about this fandom or they never would have commented like this. But if they knew more about people and less about what they want everyone to give them, maybe the spaces around them would be safer for the people in their lives—or the people they brush against online.

Comments like this often make people not want to write their fic.

Thankfully, I'm actually am in it for the art, so they might be going out of their way to make the lives of everyone around them miserable, but they haven't achieved their goal here.

However, there are a lot of writers who critically need feedback; who need this positive reinforcement. It's also why it's so important to tell writers why you enjoy their work. Even if it's something small like "I like your word choice" or "I really liked this line" or "I can't wait to find out how they resolve this"—that's feedback more valuable than we can really quantify.

"I like your word choice."—The way you pay attention to the words you use is working with the tone.

"I really like this line."—The way this line is formatted is very memorable and hits better than the others. It may be good to pay attention to it to find out why.

"I can't wait to find out how they resolve this."—You have gotten a good grade in suspense, a thing that is possible and reasonable to achieve (or however that meme goes).

I am constantly learning. I am constantly growing and changing as a person and a writer, and other people are critical to this. Sitting in a room and shouting will not make you better at making jokes, and shoving your writing in a corner never to see the light of day will never give you the tools to communicate with other people.

Sometimes I feel like people like this *points to the top of the page* don't want to learn that lesson, because of the painful reckoning with their actions it will entail.

If this is you, or you have done something similar, I recommend going through, finding your old comments, and deleting them yourself, or even apologizing if you can. Clean up your own mess, so people like me don't have to do it for you. This is a public space. Act like it.

[destinationtoast]

On writing messiness, genre expectations, and satisfying endings

(AKA why did I mostly like the Ted Lasso finale?)

I found the Ted Lasso finale more satisfying than many people seem to have – which is not to say I found it perfect; it was an imperfect end to a messy season – but it made me feel a lot of big & enjoyable emotions while watching it, and it didn’t contain anything that left me feeling too frustrated afterward.  But I know a lot of people had a much more negative experience (and I feel empathy and compassion for that, as someone who has been deeply disappointed by past shows I was hugely invested in *cough* Sherlock and Game of Thrones *cough*).  This meta is me noodling about why I found the finale mostly satisfying, while not critiquing anyone else’s experience or expectations.  

It's been funny watching the Succession finale and the Ted Lasso finale in such close proximity, for a number of reasons (I loved both shows, in such different ways).  Maybe I'm just not tuned in enough to the Succession fandom to see it, but I didn’t see people saying things like, "I can't believe Succession set up X to stay in an abusive dynamic with Y," or “Z is in such a mentally unstable place and didn’t get help! So unhealthy.”   OTOH, I see a lot of people feeling unhappy that their favorite Ted Lasso characters weren’t given ideal/healthy/happy endings, which seems to be where a lot of the finale dissatisfaction arises.

A lot of this obviously comes down to tone expectations – people were presumably not expecting Succession to be kind to the characters in the end, because it's never been about kindness or healthy relationships, whereas Ted Lasso has often been.  But this got me thinking about how I nonetheless seem to have had different expectations for the Ted Lasso finale than some (many?) fans did.  Looking at some of the criticisms I’ve seen from people who were disappointed by the finale, I think I had different writing expectations from some fans, different genre expectations, and perhaps a different idea of what qualifies as a satisfying ending.  

Writing expectations. I didn’t think the finale could possibly fix most of what was wrong with S3, which was a mess.  S3 was often lovely, and I will enjoy rewatching it, but it was still a mess structurally – featuring weird pacing, odd choices of where to focus, and some unsatisfying storylines & character moments.  And because writers are only human – and also working with a lot of behind-the-scenes constraints & S4 negotiations & late rewrites – I didn’t think the finale would be able to do any last-minute miracle saves.   I didn’t expect any grand plan to become clear, or all/most of the loose threads to get tied up.  But I went in open to the idea that I would enjoy the finale for where it took the characters, given the messy journeys they’d already been on by the end of episode 3x11.  (This was tempered by my having hoped in vain for the writers to miraculously make sense of everything/tie together all the messy threads neatly in a finale before, and having never seen that happen!)

Genre expectations.   I think many fans watching Ted Lasso were expecting that the show was going to give an unambiguously happy ending to all the main characters for genre reasons.  Some saw it as a rom-com – a story leading to romance(s) and some form of happy ending for all the main cast – because the show featured a number of rom-com elements and references, as well as some romantic storylines.  And I think some (an overlapping set) saw it as a particular kind of hurt/comfort narrative – a story about triumphant personal growth, about overcoming adversity & trauma, and receiving only comfort & joy by the end of the story.  I can see the ending being disappointing with either of those genre expectations.  But the show I thought I was watching was about imperfect people trying to grow, to improve, to build better relationships, and to find ways to thrive – but doing so imperfectly.  I expected progress for most characters, but also backsliding – and for some characters to improve in some dimensions but not in others.  I thought the show was more about hope and effort than about success.  (And the show also wasn't about romance to me, even though I enjoyed Roy/Keeley in the show and want to read/write a ton of shippy fic about my OT3 and several other ships.)

Satisfying endings.  Given my genre expectations, what I wanted was not for the characters to all end up perfectly happy, nor for all the relationships to end up healthy or resolved.  I wanted characters to behave in ways where I could understand their motivations, and that were consistent with their behaviors through 3x11.  To me, the finale succeeded better at this than a number of episodes earlier in S3, where I was left scratching my head about why characters had made various choices.  And I wanted many of the characters that Ted had influenced to show some kind of growth/hope for the future, however imperfectly, because that fit my expectations for the kind of narrative it was (as described above – not complete happy endings, but messy and imperfect growth).  For me, the finale succeeded there, too.  To address a few endings that caused specific sore spots for other fans:

Beard/Jane: The one thing that seemed impossible to believe about Beard’s wedding was that Ted wasn’t there.  (That’s the main thing that makes me open to the “it was just a dream of Ted’s” theory – I think that theory has other difficulties, but it’s fun to consider, and I’m open to it.)  I know some people were upset that Beard & Jane ended up together because it’s a toxic relationship.  But while I don’t disagree, that doesn’t seem like a dealbreaker to me unless the show is a rom-com.  Beard has been on & off with Jane the whole show, and I didn’t see any signs that he was about to break that pattern.  It made sense to me that he would feel very conflicted about whether to follow Ted or stay with her, but also seemed believable to me that he would ultimately choose to stay.  I was very sad that he was leaving Ted, but it actually felt like personal growth to me, for him to feel like he could thrive without Ted.  (Lots of room still for personal growth in other dimensions.)  

Roy, Jamie, and Keeley: Roy and Jamie fighting about who should be allowed to try to date Keeley was stupid of them, but not unrealistically stupid, given that they're trying to figure out how to preserve their new relationship while also both loving her.  That’s backsliding, but they’ve also both grown a lot.  (Well, Jamie clearly has; Roy allegedly has, and I can see signs of that in a couple of episodes especially, but S3 has not served him that well overall imo, and I will require fic to fill in some blanks.)  I’m glad Keeley didn’t choose one of them – that shows growth on her part, I think.   I very much headcanon the three of them getting together eventually, but I feel like her choosing to focus on herself & KJPR for now (especially while they’re both being idiots) is a satisfying outcome.  

Jamie and his dad: As with Beard/Jane, a lot of the critiques I saw of the (dream?) montage reunion between Jamie and his dad were of the form “But that relationship has been toxic.” And I can understand wanting Jamie to be fully done dealing with the source of so much past trauma.  But I can easily imagine Jamie trying to cautiously have some limited form of relationship with his dad again.  I am not saying someone in Jamie’s position should do that, nor that it’s likely to lead to a healthy/easy dynamic.  But it does not seem inconsistent with where Jamie is as of the finale.  I think he’s grown a lot, and has more agency in his life now, but he clearly showed he was having trouble just ignoring his dad.  And many people revisit relationships that have caused them pain and have lacked resolution, for better or worse.  I hope and expect that with a strong set of friends/found family supporting him, Jamie will ultimately be okay.

Nate:  Okay, here I admit my headcanons are doing some heavy lifting, and I would have been happy if they’d clarified more of this onscreen.  But I cannot imagine that Nate was not offered a coach role when he returned – and I can easily imagine him refusing that offer and asking to be a kit man again for the short term, so that’s my headcanon.  He seemed to really be enjoying working at Taste of Athens as a waiter – for multiple reasons, not just because Jade was there – and this seems consistent with that.  I think part of what he learned from this season was that prioritizing fame & recognition doesn’t lead him to happiness, and that he has an unhealthy need to be admired/praised by the Twitterati, the press, etc.  I can easily believe that he’d want to step back from the limelight and prioritize working with a team that cares about him while figuring out what’s next.  (Especially as he has been pretty bimodal; overly humble and shy at first, and then overly recognition-seeking and angry about perceived slights – I can easily buy him backsliding into too-humble mode for a while).  I fully expect he’ll keep building more confidence again in a healthier way, and that he'll coach Richmond again shortly (even if the montage was just a Ted dream).  And if Roy was truly made head coach, I headcanon that it happened after a discussion about who should fill that role, and Nate turning it down.  I also would have liked a fuller resolution between him and Ted, but I bought the brief scene between them as consistent with where they both were emotionally at that point (I would not be shocked if Nate mailed Ted the full 60 pages later, though).

Rebecca:  Love that she’s truly over Rupert and figuring out whether she still wants Richmond in light of that – and I love the decision she arrives at.  Her running into the Dutch guy was the most rom-commy piece of the finale for me, but I didn’t mind it.  I’d been trying to figure out how on earth they could wrap up the whole messy psychic storyline (which I hated), and I had vaguely wondered whether – if she was indeed fated to be a mother – she might end up co-parenting with Bex, or whether she might end up with the Dutch guy.  I also started to think during the finale that she might go back to Kansas with Ted, but if she had done so, I wanted that to be the first step on a journey of world travel and self-exploration – not her getting together with Ted and co-parenting Henry. (I wasn’t ever opposed to T/R, but I personally felt it would have felt unearned if that relationship had only started up in the finale.  I personally really enjoyed the double trolling at the beginning of the episode, though, with Ted and then the bethonged Beard in Rebecca’s kitchen – amazing! XD )  Anyway, I’m fine with her ending up surrounded by her Richmond family and dating the Dutch guy.

Ted: I expected Ted to return to Kansas at the end, and I think that was the best choice, though a hard one. I think Ted adores Richmond and will be back visiting all the dang time, and I hope he may eventually move back.  But the “choice” Rebecca offered him to move Henry to Richmond now was an unrealistic one – Ted would have to negotiate that change with Michelle, and it’s a HUGE ask her (and possibly Dr. Jacob) to uproot like that and leave her family/friends/job behind.  So the right thing for Henry right now is for Ted to go back and be with him.   And I think that choice is very consistent with what we’ve seen of Ted’s struggles with anxiety last season and his more explicitly worrying about where he should be this season.  I think it’s a bittersweet choice for him, and he’s going to miss Richmond a lot, but I’m not worried about him being all alone.  With the way Ted makes friends, I am sure he already has a bunch of good ones back in Kansas, and that he’ll keep making more.  I very much look forward to a lot of reunion fic with everyone he’s left behind, though.  And I want AFC Richmond to come visit him, as well as the other way around!

I’ve read/been influenced by some good meta about some of the above points, and I’ll reblog some of it later.  But that’s the gist of where I’m at – the characters we love are growing and changing in some very good ways, but they are definitely still imperfect, and still themselves. And most things don't wrap up tidily with a full resolution, but that's okay.  For me, that all holds true whether or not the montage was Ted’s dream, and I am happy for that to be ambiguous (except for the part where Ted would totally be at Beard’s wedding).  But I’m very interested in hearing about the whole gamut of experiences people are having (and to hear alternate theories about genre expectations, etc)!  I can’t wait to read more meta, as well as so much fic, fix-it or otherwise. I continue to be delighted to be a part of the fandom for this show. <3

[yuu-mao]

I feel like what people get wrong about Carmine is ascribing any malicious intent to her actions. She is a mess, and aggressive, and a specially awkward rock has a bigger emotional intelligence than her, but the always tries doing what she thinks is correct

That doesn't means she shouldn't get better at communicating, obviously, she is actively making situations worse with her mentality, but as someone who also deeply struggles with expressing any emotion that doesn't involve anger, I truly don't think she understands that

She truly seems to think her and his brother understand each other well enough. She seems to put a lot more of meaning on acts than words, so Carmine doesn't understand very well how much her words can hurt. On her eyes, she loves him and it should be obvious, and the possibility of her words hurting him doesn't even cross her mind

That's why she seems so confused about Kieran breakdown. Carmine is not very good at reading people if they aren't very direct with her, and Kieran issues thrive on communication issues and internal self hate, so she can't immediately see the past signs once the mess™ becomes external

On her eyes, things probably were going very well. Her little brother had made a friend, even if it was a tourist, she kept reassuring him about his strength on her roundabout way, and hey, she might have made a friend too. And then the lie happened

I think I should remind everyone here that Carmine is considered a problematic person on her own town, and while I definitely don't think that means she is like hated or anything, I'm very sure she has no friends. Carmine probably only interacts with people on aggressive terms or with her brother, so Kieran mentality wasn't a alarming anomaly, it was the status quo

So, when things went wrong, she was left confused and struggling to communicate with Kieran even more now that her own image of him was broken. That's why she assumes he is just going through teen hormones, even when she doesn't look sure at all, because the alternative is that she messed up and didn't know her own brother as good as she thought

And I don't know where I wanted to go with this, TLDR Carmine is a lot of things but malicious or sadistic or any of those things I have seen people call her, she is not

[imperatriceauxdiamants]

tips on having an organized life and staying organized. ex: your space like closet & room as well as mentally

Random out of order thoughts popping up:

(Context: I'm a ex-hoarder teen turned borderline minimalist adult)

Get it done as soon as possible. peace of mind is priceless and you will wish you did it earlier. So might as well get it done now without derping around.

Try thinking of the ideal lifestyle you want to acheive. What is Ideal You doing in her life? How is her schedule? Her lifestyle? Imagine. Then you got a good goal to acheive, a WHY to your process.

Physical clutter equals to mental clutter. Mental clutter equals to physical clutter. Attack both at the same time. Eliminate stressors from your life. Simplify your routines to the essential. Simplify to a level you feel HAPPY in.

Do NOT minimize to a level where you become UNCOMFORTABLE because of lack. You aren't in some survival show. It is daily life, not catastrophe re-creation.

Limit your organization tools to only a few simple ones. To the point. No need for 5 or 6 schedules, stick to one. Get ALL your organization in one spot. For me it's Google Agenda and mirror stickies for next day reminders.

If you have tasks, target to make them a daily, weekly or monthly routine. It makes easier, liberates mental space for better opportunities. My Saturdays are cleaning days. My Sundays are art days. My Fridays are spin-down evernings. My Mondays are "Do as muc of the week's work so the rest of the week goes smoothly". I never really change from that basic routine. Some days I may change things up (Parties, unplanned stuff, emergencies) but I try to at least MAINTAIN my routine. I pace my brain's pace that way. Human braisn freaking love routine, they THRIVE in it. I am not different, neither are you.

The stuff that can be repaired then routinely worn? Go repair it RIGHT NOW. If you aren't going to fix/repair within the week, give it away or trash it. If you can't do it now, it's gonna occupy mental space and make your mindspace cluttered. See the physical clutter equals mental clutter point earlier.

Start with trash first, then clothes, and papers. All three are major sources of clutter. It WILL be time-consumpting. But it is normal.

Why are hotels so fun? Because everything is to the point. And is designed for extremely easy cleanup. Only a FEW decorative items. Everything in small baskets. Minimal laundry (only sheets, towels, maybe curtains). And when you go sleep in hotels you only bring the most essential stuff. The stuff you need NOW. Then... how about trying to recreate that hotel feel at home?

Try to EMPTY first before buying more. If that face cream is not really efficient, downgrade it to a body cream. Empty the shampoo and conditioner bottle before buying more. Empty the toothpaste before buying more. Once it comes close to become empty, write the item on the shopping list. You DO NOT need 5 of a kind. if you don't know where such item is, it is an issue. Not some "silly mistake". Reorganize your stuff until you find the stuff you needed. You DO NOT buy more.

On the same vein, same thing for food. Only stock up on the ESSENTIALS (highly dependent from one household to another, for me it's flour, pasta, broth, onions, potato, squash, rice) when they are on sale. Only buy as you go and try to EMPTY the food unless it's spoiled. Do not buy another pot of yogurt if there's already two in your fridge sorta thing.

Obviously, if the product you did buy is ultimately shitty and can't be repurposed for something else, or it is expired, make yourself a favor and get rid of it.

The reason people accumulate clutter, shop excessively, accumulate food, are scared to get rid of stuff, in my honest personal opinion, is related to a fear of the future, an insecurity. Our behavior is a reflection of the mindset we are in. A fear of losing everything, a fear of stepping lower, a fear of lacking. Work on rationalizing those things and BECOME ACTUALLY PREPARED instead of constantly worrying. Once prepped, let it GO. It is gonna be fine. You are prepared.

A well maintained household with less stuff will go through things better than an overwhelmed household.

One lady I used to know hoarded food, she had 6 fridges chokeful of food (frozen, not frozen) and she stocked even more in dry goods. The consequence of this stuff on her that I did observe is that she became overwhelmed by the whole situation, thus increasing her fears, her insecurity. Then it became a vicious cycle. She bought more to allieviate her fears, more food went to waste due to rot and freezer burn, more of her money went to the gutter.

Even is hoarding is an extreme example, we can have some lessons from that (hard and emotionnally difficult) situation and reflect on our own situation. Another thing is that we UNDERESTIMATE the clutter we have. We think it ain't so bad, until we clean it up and realize how shitty it was.

Books in order of relevance: Digital Minimalism, Deep Work, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, The Power of Habit.

[a-whispering-echo]

Heya!! Feel free to not answer or not consent to it, but I was wondering if I could use your Heathers!Dust AU for a big ol' story I'm working on? (The Dustverse)

And if yes, may I know about your Heathers!Dust AU? ( In the form of links or just random little tidbits of info )

. . . and also Pestilence!Dust if that's all goods

Obviously feel free to say no! Hope you have a wonderful week regardless :]

of course you can use them! i'd be flattered!

My heathers au is based on the musical - Heathers, where the mtt play the heathers, and Cross is Veronica; Dust plays Heather Chandler's role here.

basically, theyre just the mucical cast but they the utmv guys

In my head, its also an actor au, but you can totally ignore that for plot purposes ;)

Heather Chandler actually dies about halfway through the musical, murdered accidentally by Veronica and JD - or Cross and Nightmare here - so if you wanted Dust to be a ghost or alive, totally up to you!

Chandler's bossy, the leader of the Heathers, manipulative and unappolagetic - mean for the sake of being mean, really

His scarf takes the place of heathers scrunchie here, and when he died, Killer (H.Duke) takes it and wears it in to ‘take control’ if you will. Dust does Not Like That (™) 

This makes Horror (H.Mcnamara) really sad 

i have a *cough* Slime tutorial here if you were interested hehe

Im gonna go through and tag all my heathers au now with 'Rues Heathers AU' so you should be able to find stuff ive done in the past from them, and stuff i will continue to make ;)

He or she pronouns are fine for Dust here, cus i couldnt really decide if i wanted to genderbend everyone to match the genders of the characters or not, so up to you really, both, one or the other, whatever lol

Pestilence is a bit more complicated; from my Four Horsemen Au - where Nightmare, Dust, Killer and Horror take the roles of the four horsemen, who are said to appear at the end of the humanity, and bring about the apocalypse and all that, from christian texts

Pestilance actually has a redesign since i made him, because hes one of my older things, so:

The first horseman, with a bow and crown, rides a white horse - Dust - Pestilence/Conquest

His crown is made of thorns and branches, jesus style, with melting candles dripping wax slowly; its said when the candles fully melt and the flames burn out, humanity is no more.

The actual 'crown' part of his crown are pitch black metal, and are shaped like arrows

The white sheet covers his face, the way you do to dead people - you do not want to end up seeing his face, because you wont see anything after it if you do ;)

he is constantly in a state of dusting - never fully committing to it,

His hands and body are covered and stained in monster dust and human blood, stains that can never be washed out

he is in a perpetual state of dusting, never really committing either way, just..constantly decaying

He constantly has this green illness liquid dripping from his eyes and mouth - its poison.

His arrows are all poison tipped as well

His bow and fletch are summonable, and attach to his belt easily - he can summon and de-summon them at will.

His horse - which i didnt draw because fuck that - is activly rotting and decaying, bones and rotting flesh making up its body. its a white horse, obviously, with voidless black eyes

both he and the horse trail dust everywhere, disease laying in the powder

the illness that he causes can be physical sickness, and it can be mental sickness, basically anything you count as ' being unwell' he can cause

hes a bit kooky really, he screams and cries and laughs a lot more than he actually talks but he is capable of it, hes just quiet and ominous really, and theres this lingering presence of illness and threat around him. like his space, which is ironic, because illness festers in crowded spaces, its where he thrives.

"i will cough on you if you do not leave me alone."

[waltwhitmansbeard]

Perc'ahlia Week Day 5: Fairytale/Class

can't believe we're five days into @percahliaweek! we've come so far! you can also find this on ao3!

Vex knows what it is to be hungry. She knows the ache, the curling belly, the hollow beneath the tongue. Hunger begets want, and she is a woman who has wanted a great many things in her life. Nights on the street, days chasing food up trees and down alleyways, her ribs clacking against her brother's as they huddled for warmth—Vex knows what it takes to survive.

How many eyes has she watched slide past her, as if she were made of the cobblestone beneath her feet? How quickly did she learn to be able to differentiate between pity, disgust, disappointment? How often did she have to game out her next move, weigh the pros and cons of this atrocity or that, in the name of not starving to death in the night?

She used to resent it. She wasn't entirely sure who she resented—her mother, for not having enough; her father, for taking what remained; her brother, for giving her everything he had when he had nothing to give; herself, for taking it—but the resentment filled the hollows, became the nutrient she thrived on. She let her skin harden, calcify into brick. A brick wall doesn't starve.

But brick walls crumble, given time, given exposure. It turns out love is just as effective a form of erosion as water. Somehow, she ended up here, no walls, no brick, just a girl standing in front of a mirror, her hair done up in curls and pins so that her cheekbones look incredible, wearing a silver and lace ballgown and a tiara like something out of a fairytale. She can hardly remember what the starving girl looked like, though sometimes, when the candlelight glints off of the jewels draped around her neck, she can still see the hunger in the corner of her eye.

The door to her dressing room opens, and her hungry eyes flash to Percy, who stops dead in his tracks upon seeing her. "Oh."

This, at least, is an expression she did not have to learn. Her hunger knows his, times the tripping of his eyes along her reflection, and she smiles despite the fluttering in her stomach. "Oh, yourself."

Because he looks dashing, a gold-trimmed suit jacket of navy velvet and a lavender vest beneath it, as if he were the Whitestone crest come to life. However much the tailor was paid, it wasn't enough, because he did a wonder on those silver pants.

The door closes, and he comes up behind her. It's a bit awkward, as her many skirts and petticoats make things difficult, but he manages to get his arms around her, hook his chin on her bare shoulder. "The people of Whitestone have no idea what they're in for."

Vex fights the urge to wipe her clammy hands on her satin skirt. "Well, neither do I, darling."

"What are you talking about? You've been planning this ball for months."

"Yes, well..." She turns to frown at him. "Planning a ball and hosting a ball are two entirely different things. And this is important. Whitestone's first Winter's Crest ball after..."

She doesn't need to finish the sentence. "Is that what has you worried? Whether or not you'll outshine Delilah Briarwood?"

"No..." She starts chewing on her lip, before remembering that her makeup's already done. "What if they can tell?"

His brow furrows, and he slips his hand over hers to tug her toward a chaise lounge between two towering armoires. They sit, and he asks, "What if they can tell what?"

She shrugs. "I'm not from money, Percy. I've gotten good at faking it, and it was easy to do when Grog and Scanlan were around being so obviously distracting, but...I'm a lady now. They're going to be watching me."

"With the way you look, they're going to be mentally undressing you." She flicks his nose, and he laughs. "Vex'ahlia, the last nobles who claimed any kind of authority in this city committed atrocities that will haunt the streets of Whitestone for generations. So long as you don't plan on committing any kind of genocide tonight, I think we can call the event a success."

"I just don't want to embarrass you." She feels so small when she says it, like she has just stolen an apple from a cart in the market and is trying to eat it before she gets caught.

He lifts her chin to look her dead in the eyes. "You cannot embarrass me, because I am proud of every single thing that you do."

"Even that time I lied to Gern and stole his broom?"

"Especially then. Leadership takes guile and, frankly, a questionable relationship to morality."

She leans into his side. "It is nerve-wracking though, the idea of all those eyes on me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I look amazing, and this dress deserves eyes. Still, I've never been so...front and center."

"Well I, for one, think it's about time Whitestone and its guests see what a treasure its First House holds."

And they do. Vex and Percy descend the grand staircase together, her arm tucked into his, her chin high and her gaze steady. All around, the leaders of Whitestone and the who's-who of Tal'dorei have gathered, but Vex focuses on not tripping down the steps instead of on their expectant gazes. As they near the bottom, she is relieved to find her brother just off to the side, his arm around Keyleth's waist and shit-eating grin on his face. Not bad for two kids from nowhere.

The night is magical, like a story her mother would tell her before bed, of princesses and magic and romance. The grand ballroom is all aglitter in candles and ice, and Vex is hardly ever off the dance floor. When he pulls himself away from Keyleth, Vax waltzes her around, and she only cries a little when he tells her how proud he is of her. Grog is surprisingly deft on his feet, and Scanlan actually casts enlarge on himself just long enough to take her for a spin or two. At some point, she and Keyleth and Pike find themselves twirling in a circle, laughing until they can't remember what was funny in the first place.

But most of the time, she is in Percy's arms, letting him lead her in whatever dances he learned in his youth here in the castle. He's nimble and confident and so very warm, and she is happy to rest her cheek against his and breath him in. Perhaps as hostess, she should be spending more time with her guests, mingling and networking and thanking them for coming, but honestly, they've been given delicious food and romantic music and enough flickering candlelight to put the stars to shame—what more could they ask of her?

The ball does not have any official end, and guests start to drift off to their rooms or homes on their own, until only a few stragglers remain. Pike and Scanlan dance quietly together in one corner, and Vex's pretty sure she saw Vax whisk Keyleth off to bed a while ago. Vex's eyes droop, but before she can suggest going to bed themselves, Percy tugs her hand. "Come with me."

She'd follow him anywhere. "Of course."

He leads her up the stairs and onto one of the many balconies jutting out of the castle, and before she can shiver once, his jacket is off and draped around her shoulders. Catha is high and bright, and the snow on the grounds below glitters like diamonds.

"I have a present for you." There's something in his tone, mischievous and proud and...nervous?

"Oh?" She's too tired to pretend she isn't eager to find out what it is. "You know how much I love presents."

"You know how much I love giving them to you." He slides a hand into the pocket of the jacket, and whatever he pulls out is small enough to be hidden in the curl of his hand.

Now she's really curious. "Well, show me."

"Patience, Vex'ahlia. I need to ask you something first."

She threw a ball today. She shouldn't have to take a quiz to earn her Winter's Crest present. "What do you need to ask me?"

"Do you know how much I love you?"

She wrinkles her nose. "Yes."

"Do you know how lucky Tal'dorei is to have you on its side?"

"Yes."

"Do you know that there is no one else in this life or the next I would rather spend all of my days and all of my nights with? No one else who occupies my every waking thought, stars in my every dream? No one else whose happiness I would rather devote my energies to achieving? No one else I could imagine building a family, a future, a legacy with? No else but you?"

Her throat is thick, her eyes stinging. "Yes."

"Good. Three for three. Just one more question to ask, then..." When she sees the ring, sparkling and so very beautiful, she grips the rail of the balcony to keep herself upright. "Lady Vex'ahlia, Baroness of the First House of Whitestone and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt, would you do me the honor and the privilege of being my wife?"

She can't even say yes. She just nods, tears flowing freely, as he slips the ring on her finger and captures her lips in a kiss. A fairytale, an absolute fucking fairytale, this wild and wondrous life. He kisses her until she can't feel the cold air of the mountains anymore, and then he murmurs, "I nearly asked you earlier this evening, when you were worried you were going to embarrass me. Honestly, can you imagine?"

She laughs. "Yes, well, I probably would have been an absolute wreck all night if you had." She looks down, flutters the fingers of her left hand so the ring catches the moonlight. "It is a gorgeous ring, darling, well done."

"I wish I could remember which dead relative it belonged to, but there are just so many."

"We'll thank them later." She stretches up to kiss him, pull his lip between her teeth. "I rather think we have some celebrating to do."

And her prince sweeps her inside the castle, the echoes of her laughter rippling over the lawns into the winter night above.

[albonium]

i said i was going to stick around to dance in the rain tears of toxic fans, but this place is so exhausting. first race hasn't even started yet and the vibes are already so much more toxic and hostile than last year.

also fans love to talk about drivers' mental health but i think they all need to recognize the role they play in that.

hell, like half the indycar field crashes in nashville, half the nascar field crashes in daytona, all kinds of wild crashes have occurred in fe this year alone - never once have i seen a fan comment "oh, so and so should have gone into the wall harder, the sport and world would be better off without him" - this is like a routine thing whenever the slightest f1 incident occurs.

media in f1 will literally document every moment of a driver's downfall, thriving off of the clicks that drama brings, intentionally trying to portray a driver or team as the villain. i've never seen such polarization in other series. drivers don't perform? they get replaced. nobody is a villain or hero (especially the driver legitimately losing their jobs for underperforming lmao).

most fans of other series see drivers recognize each other's talents or sympathesize with each other and it becomes a sportsmanship moment, not a kpop-esque fanwar.

people talk about minor mistakes, then they're generally let go in other series. they may be mentioned if said mistake becomes a pattern or if it's relevant to the conversation, but they aren't continuously bringing up errors drivers made months, sometimes even years ago, as justification for hating them.

there's other issues too, obviously. but jesus christ. i watch several different motorsports and there have been some drivers outside of f1 that have spoken out about the pressure and the toll that takes on their mental health, but there's very few f1 drivers i could name who haven't discussed seriously struggling with mental health at some point. that isn't just a "norm" of racing. and fans have got to realize they're part of that problem - probably for some drivers more than the "media" they love to blame, or the "teams" they love to blame.

i have seriously debated not following f1 as closely at all for years now due to this problem. i'm not even a driver (obviously lol) and it impacts MY mental health sometimes with the personal attacks people will launch into to defend millionaires who don't even know they exist. and this behavior isn't normal!!! it's not behavior accepted in any other motorsport fandom i've seen.

all of this

[torialefay]

As a stay, What is the type of person matching bangchan. and the one he can't be with?

Not in astrological terms, just your thoughts

I'm curious, thanks 👀

hi anon! that's a great question. one thing i want to point out before i say anything is that AT THIS POINT, i don't think chan knows what he really needs yet in a relationship. yes, he is mature and a sweet guy, but i don't think his job/life has allowed him to date around enough to know what type of person he NEEDS yet. he may think he knows what he wants, but until he has gone through a 1 or 2 longish-term relationships, i don't see him finding what he really needs. so i'm gonna write this based on who i think he will end up with!

what he needs:

• someone who is down to earth: channie grew up in aus, and from what he's said, it sounds like his family really had to make their own way there. i think he really values connections and happiness more than anything else... he wouldn't be able to be with someone who acted high-class all the time. it just wouldn't work.

• someone intelligent: chan is obviously very bright himself, so i think he could easily get bored in relationships where he wasn't being mentally stimulated. he would need someone who could both grab AND hold his attention with their wittiness. there's no doubt he finds smarts attractive.

• someone who can joke around: even though chan has to be in leader mode at times, he actually has a lot of playful boyish-ness to him. he is constantly cutting up with and teasing the members. he will need someone who he feels comfortable fucking around with- someone he feels like he can annoy and who will annoy him right back.

• someone more on the extroverted side (or an extroverted introvert): chan is a man of the people, let's be honest. he gets his worth and value from being with and helping others. he NEEDS to have a parter who will be open to going out and making connections with others as well. he would be so proud to have someone in his life as fun and friendly as he is... actually, he NEEDS it to feel like he's living as the truest version of himself.

• someone who is more laid-back: think of MBTI- he needs to find the "Perceiver" to his "Judger". chan likes to plan things, he likes to be organized, and he likes to know what's going to happen ahead... he works himself to death trying to make sure all of these things happen. if this gets taken too far for him, it can lead to a lot of anxiety. instead, he needs someone who is more along the "live and let live" mantra. he needs someone that can calm him when he needs it most.

• someone beautiful who takes good care of themselves: he's a visual person, he's said it himself. even if he doesn't say it, he likes seeing his partner get all dressed up for him. yes, they look beautiful, but it makes him feel special as well... that they'd get all dolled up and pretty for him. and like i hinted at before, he does hold a lot of "Type A" qualities, so someone who was always clean & smelling good is a must for him. for sureeee

• someone nurturing: he needs someone to look after him. point blank. he's so busy taking care of others that it can be easy for him to neglect himself. he's not had a CLOSE mother figure in his life (😢) since he was 15- baby's been doing it all on his own! i think if he was given that kind of unconditional love and attention, he would absolutely thrive

• a strong communicator: he is great at talking to people about what he WANTS to talk aboht or HAS to talk about- otherwise he's shit at bringing up the hard stuff. he needs someone who will make him feel comfortable opening up fully and teaching him that it's alright to be vulnerable.

who he cannot be with:

• someone who isn't confident: a lot of people will disagree with this one BUT i have a really strong feeling about it. although chan is learning to be more confident in himself, he still really lacks a lot. he does err towards the side of neuroticism as well (anxiety/depression/insomnia/etc), so if he is with someone who is also like this, it would end up being emotionally draining for him. he just doesn't have the tools equipped to be with someone who has the same insecurities he does. and although he does like to help people work through things, this cannot be a constant thing for him. he has to have someone sure of themselves.

• someone with a big ego: chan doesn't think of himself as someone who is better than others, no matter how much money he makes. i don't see him being with someone who thinks they are "too good" for something

• someone who is closed-off or stubborn: chan is a super open-minded person, and i don't think he'd be able to get along with a partner otherwise. he'd want someone who would give into his wildest fantasies or fun conversations about the occult, the meaning of life, etc. he needs someone who can be fluid.

• someone who isn't adventurous: chris has said it before, but he loves to travel and make new memories. he would definitely want someone to be his travel buddy when he had the chance to take off somewhere. someone who is a homebody or unwilling to try new foods and new activities i think would make him feel like he wS being dragged down

• someone who doesn't have emotional depth: chan needs someone to gage him on an emotional level. he can't do a superficial relationship- he really just can't. if someone isn't in tune to his emotions or is just so far out of whack from him, i think he will move on until he finds someone who does, or alternatively, he will learn to just hide his emotions away and settle in the unrest :(

BUT these are just my thoughts. pls let me know what you do & don't agree with and if you have any other opinions! i'd love to hear them ❤️❤️

[just-promise-me-jm]

Make it right, it's gonna be all right

I'm just going to include this gif at the top because its one of my favorite Jimin gifs from this past year.

I had meant to come back here sooner, but to be honest my life is kind of a mess right now and work has been killing me so I haven't wanted to spend any more time on the computer than I have to during the day. But as we approach enlistment week, I felt like it made sense to come back on here and share some of the feelings I've been trying to process since news of Jimin's enlistment first dropped.

There are a couple of things that I feel like are important to preface before I share the rest of my feelings:

I am not Korean and have never lived in South Korea, so I don't have an intimate understanding of how the enlistment process or military service in South Korea works. I will do my best to just share my feelings and opinions without getting to deeply into things that I don't really have a place to comment on.

Generally speaking, I am a pacifist so I wish that we lived in a world where no one had to serve in the military, voluntarily or involuntarily. I also understand why that isn't always a reality.

I am a woman, so in most cases mandatory military service isn't something that would apply to me and therefore I can't really speak to how this would make me feel if I was in his shoes.

Obviously we knew this day was going to come eventually, especially once Jin had started the enlistment process, but it doesn't make it any easier to sit and think about not having Jimin around for the next 18 or so months. It's a weird set of emotions to process the absence of someone who you don't know personally, but who has been a constant in your life for years. The fact that this comes during December, a month which many people (including myself) find to be a difficult time of year, only makes it harder.

Because a conversation around whether or not the members of BTS should have to serve is basically irrelevant at this point, I'd rather focus on some of the conversations I've seen around whether or not Jimin will "do well" in the military.

Now, some of what I've seen posted is coming from PJMs or other Jimin fans who are concerned with his welfare and whether or not he will be subject to bullying or harassment like some other idols have experienced. I've also seen some really unhinged takes saying he is too "weak" or won't be able to cope due to some imagined mental health issue (obviously this is not coming from anyone who really cares for or supports Jimin). I even saw posts detailing Jimin's martial arts prowess meant to defend him against those accusations.

So let me be real for a sec - I think Jimin is one of the most dedicated and hard working people I have ever come across and I'm including people I know IRL in that calculation. That isn't just about his martial arts background (even though he could definitely kick some ass if he wanted to), how many hours he spent on his own practicing his singing and dancing leading up to and after his debut, the amount of work he put into FACE, or even how grueling the life of an idol can be. I think it comes down to the type of person he is at a fundamental level - no one can keep up that level of effort on an ongoing basis unless it's hardwired into them. Ultimately, this is what I think will help Jimin to survive and even thrive during his service.

Beyond all that, seeing how well Jin and Hobi seem to have done during their service so far also gives me a lot of comfort. Knowing that Jimin and JK will be stationed with Jin for the next few months gives me hope that he can show them the ropes and help them get settled in. Having those familiar faces will have to make things easier, especially in the beginning.

Even though I'm sure Jimin will be fine, I am wondering what the best way to cope with all of this will be. It feels a little weird to be worried about his fans in a situation like this but at the same time I know I'm not the only one who cares deeply for him and will be impacted by this situation. I think my game plan right now is to light a candle that day for Jimin and send out some positive vibes for his happiness and a safe return, but if anyone has some good suggestions please share.

I probably won't be able to be super active on here until after the holidays are over, but if I think of anything slightly interesting to share I will try and post that when I can. I've also been thinking of what I might want to do in the new year to continue to celebrate Jimin until he comes back. I was considering doing some posts discussing some of my favorite songs or music videos of his, but would be open to suggestions if there is anything you would like to hear my thoughts on. I'm also happy to be here to listen if you need someone to chat with about missing Jimin.

Hope wherever you are you are having a good morning/day/evening/night 💗.