#I've been told it's real sweet to grow old

[frodo-of-the-nine-fingers]

i think the actual disconnect between nie mingjue and jin guangyao is that nie mingjue is dying and knows he's dying and has to stick so so so closely to his morals and virtues or else it'll have been for nothing and then he'll have to come to terms with the fact that maybe he didn't actually have to die after all vs jin guangyao who wants to live, he wants to live and be safe and have all the things he was told he could never have-was told he was never good enough to have-and will do almost anything to make it so. and these are two like irreconcilable point of views right (and both Correct and Wrong at the same time) and so they can't understand each other because they aren't even having the same argument and neither of them can see that

[besthimbomachine]

I want your commentary on a section of one of your fics, or a whole fic, that you've been DYING to get your thoughts out on. 😊

I hope you've been having a good day, and wanted to get this in before I go to bed glrbfj.

Owwwn thank you sweetheart <3

Btw I got this ask for the Directors Commentary thing AND another one for that too by an anon, nonnie I'm gonna save yours until chapter 4 is done cause I'll for SURE have things to talk about chapter 4 too. I fought through the pure angst of chapters 1 and 2 to get to the other ones which will have more funny, fluffy and horny things which I love writing. Chapter 3 already starts that off with the horny.

Anyways into the commentary proper, I did a bunch of parts of chapter 3 cause I really liked writing it.

I guess first I wanna comment in the fic as a whole. If anyone doesn't know, the title "my love when it counted" comes from the hozier song shrike. If you haven't listened to it, go and look it up, it's great and very much the vibe of this fic.

Anyways, this fic came not from a prompt or situation I found hot as most of mine do but from a feeling. Like, we know Kenny talked about thinking of retiring due to his injuries and we've been getting the vibe, esp after this week's show but also on his feud with Osprey, that he has been feeling the years. That he knows time has started to take it's toll on him. And I myself have been kinda going through my own crisis cause I'm reaching thirty, and as someone who only fell in tune with my own skin after I was 25, the dawning of my youth scares me.

So a heavy theme of this fic is time, how it changes you, in some ways it's bad, in some ways it's good, but it changes you. It has the power to change you so thoroughly that you become a stranger to your past self. So this is a story about the inexorable march of time and the changes it forces on you, and how sometimes you can be the right person at the wrong time. It's also about learning to live with your mistakes and putting in the work to fix things.

Also, every chapter has a working title so I can tell from one look at my Google docs what it's gonna be about, this one was "down memory lane hard".

Chapter parts will be under the read more

That was the box Kenny had dumped any photo with you in, to never be seen again. Shit, he didn’t even know he still had that. He was supposed to have thrown it away, but he never did quite get up the courage to do so. Looking at them now, he could feel the bitter sweet pang of nostalgia, the way it tasted like ashes in his mouth. Swallowing thickly, he stacked the photos together in the box again. That’s when he noticed something else, the black metal previously hidden by the scattered papers shining back at him. (Kenny made the big mistake of giving himself time to doubt instead of just throwing things out right away, big mistake buddy. Nostalgia is a drug, and also a liar, rarely the past is quite as good as it makes you think. Anyways, this is not the last we will hear from the nostalgia box, it still holds something else we haven’t heard about yet.)

For the most part, the camera seemed ok, and it sparked in Kenny a curiosity that he knew he shouldn’t feed. Whatever pictures it held, he knew they would do him no good right now. He knew he should just put it back in the box and leave it be. But he couldn’t resist as his finger pushed the power button, body moving on its own, ignoring all common sense. All he could do was hope the thing just would not turn on. (These three first chapters are just a long stretch of Kenny making bad decisions, some he really thinks would work out - like pretending you are strangers instead of trying to behave normally - and others he really know wouldn’t work out and still he does. At this point he is doing this almost as a type of self flagellation, he knows it will only hurt but it feels better to have the pain than nothing at all)

But of course it did. (hello ominous one liner in italic my old friend)

When Kenny finally made his way to the old photos, the first thing he was greeted with was his own face. Those same baby blues staring back at him, although a good few wrinkles less and many years younger. (references to how he feels about his age are actually important but hey kenny time did you good, you look better now) He had a smile on his face, features framed by the ropes as he sat on the floor of the ring. Behind him, he could see the silhouettes of Matt and Nick facing the vast empty arena, only a few more blurred forms dotted in the background. 

Sighing deeply, Kenny moved on to the older photos. Passing through pictures of him, Matt and Nick preparing in the ring, as well as pictures of you getting ready or climbing on the ropes. There was one video from that day that had you and Kenny dancing around the ring, and for the second time now he felt his heart shatter as his memory failed him. He made through the pictures of the four of you, but nothing moved his mind, the memories truly lost to time. (Time and how it changes people is at the core of this fics theme yes and the first thing time goes for in a person is their memories, the human mind is actually very bad at remembering things and sometimes that’s great but other times it’s depressing.)

Biting his lower lip, Kenny laid back against the headboard, finger pressing the button again, but the picture meeting him this time being completely different. The photo had been taken in front of a large mirror outside a building, and standing in the frame were the two of you. He had an umbrella in hand, and you had the camera covering half of your face as you looked through the viewfinder. (Go ahead and imagine the most Wes Anderson looking ass picture, that’s what I was going for, and yes I do deserve to get sent to the content gulag for my hipster crimes)

Sighing again, Kenny flipped through the photos rapidly before stopping when he noticed a change in environment. The picture he’d stopped in was of you, looking away from the camera with your hair tied up, water covering your bare chest all the way above the breasts. He paused, studying the environment, the stone walls and hazy fog circling you were hard to mistake. You two were at an onsen, by the size of it a private one, probably from whichever place you were staying at. (Hello darkness my old friend, like I said, I would have a hard time getting into an onsen cause the japanese still connect tattoos to criminal behavior and I’m covered in tattos but I’ve never commited a crime [Maria has in fact commited multiple minor crimes ranging from drug possession, to showin her tits in public, to having sex in a public-ish place, to stealing from a supermarket to the worst of all,multiple accounts of  piracy])

Kenny’s eyes trailed the exposed skin on the back of your neck, eyes following the curve of your spine as it delved underwater. He felt his chest tighten again, you were so gorgeous, if he closed his eyes he could almost feel your soft skin on his fingertips. The next picture had you laughing, waving one hand at the camera as if trying to shoo him away. Your movement - and the surrounding fog - made the photo blurry, but he could still see your exposed chest. Warm water spilled down the inside of your breasts, kissing your skin in ways he could only have in his dreams now.

Moving on to the next photo, Kenny felt the air hitching in his throat as his eyes met with your own, large and entrancing in a way that he never found again after he lost you. Your beautiful irises stared back at him through the screen, keeping him locked in place for a good moment as he felt himself dragged to the bottom of a lake. And for a second there, he really didn’t want to resurface. (Kenny is longing to the point of self destruction, poor guy, but like I said I like to write my man a little pathetic, take him down a notch, make him suffer for his crimes and have to work to get the girl)

When he finally remembered to breathe, Kenny fully took in the image. You stared straight ahead, deep sultry eyes locked with the lens as his hand touched your face. One of your hands held his own, your lips touching his knuckles and the back of his fingers in a soft kiss. Water droplets ran down the curve of your breasts, with the way you were sitting the water just about touched your chest, not fully reaching your nipples. God, you looked like something out of this world, like a siren ready to drag him underwater, a lure he’d never deny. (If he won’t let you do like a siren and drag him to the bottom of a lake to kill him, does he really love you?)

Blood rushed to Kenny’s face and in a moment his breathing became hard, air evading him for a long second. It was almost like he’d forgotten just how gorgeous you could be. His fragile memory - and his most shameful dreams - not doing justice to a sight he once had so freely that he didn’t fully value. He was young and stupid, and you were too beautiful for him to understand - and fuck, from what he saw in the ring you’d only gotten better. (Gotta make sure to remind yall that we are romanticizing aging in this house, you look better in your early thrities than you did in your early twenties!!!)

It did him no good. (Ominous one liner here again to remind Kenny that he should have just turned off the camera)

Watching the scene in the camera had Kenny groaning, extending his legs out in the bed, free hand coming to rest on top of the bulge now formed in his pants. He watched the image of you continue to tease him on the screen, licking his swollen head as you made eye contact with the lens. Muttering curses, his eyes followed the movements of your tongue, his fingers caressing his large bulge over the fabric of his pants. Just the sight of your lips surrounding the head of his cock being enough to have him fully hard. (One hard thing about this chapter was making it clear what was happening on the screen and what was happenning in current time you know, I wanted to make it clear enough so that things wouldn’t be too confusing. Anyways, love writing handjobs and blowjobs, this short smut gave me both, I should have expanded on it but I was tired already.)

Shit, he knew he shouldn’t be watching this. Let alone taking his pleasure from it.  It felt wrong, but he didn’t really wanna think about that right now. Kenny only barely remembered filming this video, let alone that it still existed somewhere. He brushed against it again by pure chance, it was not like a premeditated thing. 

Fuck, he missed you in more ways than he’d want to admit, and he didn’t want to deny his body’s desire. He didn’t want to deny the way seeing you in the ring had his mind reeling. The way hearing your voice in the backstage halls sent shivers down his spine. He knew it was wrong, but for a single moment he chose to give in to the desire burning deep inside his core. (We get a ‘I know it’s wrong but fuck it’ moment. Was it wrong of him? Yeah, kinda. But as someone who has been friends with people attracted to me and has artistic nudes floating somewhere in the internet, my personal belief is you can jerk off to a picture of me whatever so long as you treat me like a normal human being I don’t care)

Pulling the waistband of his pants down, Kenny released his throbbing cock. Veins popping around the thick shaft and sensitive head, his fingers sliding around it lazily. (thick and veiny is my favorite) He watched as you started slowly moving your head up and down on the screen, each time taking more of his shaft inside your mouth. Groaning, he cursed the lack of audio on the camera, wanting nothing more than to hear the delicious sounds he knew you’d be making. Kenny’s large hand wrapping tight around his length, fingers barely meeting as he pumped himself slowly. (One way I like to give the idea of dick size in smut instead of using the extremely vague and relative ‘it’s huge’ or the waaaay to specific and not sexy at all ‘X inches’ is to compare it to other things, writing blowjobs and handjobs is good for that. I mean, you know how large Kenny’s hands are, if his fingers can barely touch when he warps his hand around his cock, you know it’s BIG)

Kenny took in a sharp breath as he saw your lips getting close to the base of his cock, the camera shaking in his hands as a shiver coursed through his body, setting every nerve alight. He threw his head back, cursing under his breath before looking down again, watching you with darkened eyes. Taking his hand from his cock for a second, Kenny spat on his palm before he went back to fisting his length, fingers now picking up speed. (Spit is not good as lube I know, but it gives a raw sense of desperation that I find sexy for blowjob scenes)

Darkened eyes followed your movements as you bobbed your head a few more times, from tip all the way down, until your lips finally reached the base. The image shook a little before it steadied again. Kenny could almost feel the sensations, the tip of his cock touching the back of your throat, the wet warmth of your mouth stretching around his dick. He’d never forget that feeling, sinful and holy, pleasure bordering on pain. (Deep throat! Deep throat! A girl got a well trained gag reflex, kudos. Also, I know it’s cheap using a pleasure/pain comparison but I like it, I do.)

You continued your sucking on screen, and oh, what wouldn’t Kenny give to hear the noises. He groaned, trying to conjure them in his head as he fisted himself faster now, one hand almost not enough to satisfy his full length. Pre cum dripped from his swollen head, onto his fingers and down his veiny cock, making his movements easier and faster. His erection throbbing in his hand, feeling hot and heavy against his rough palm. (I love this whole paragraph, man. It’s cause Kenny has those hug beautiful hands with long thick fingers. Imining that pumping a big fat cock has me way too horny. I’m a sucker for nice hands.)

You locked eyes with the camera once again, and Kenny could see his hips bucking forward in the video. The hand in your hair stuttering in its pace as your tongue slipped out of your mouth and under his cock. Shit, just seeing that had him delirious, spilling praises out of his lips that he knew you’d never hear. (Gotta slip at least a little ‘alas, poor kenny’ moment in the middle of this horny mess) He imagined the feeling of your mouth, the warmth of your tongue all around him. Deft fists pumped up and down at a voracious speed, his cock heavy and slick in his hands, balls feeling full and tight.

In the screen, his hips bucked erratically now, not even caring if he was bringing your head all the way down or not. Your lips looked wet and abused as they stretched around his girth, moving up and down fast. Pulling your head all the way to his tip, Kenny’s hand moved to your lip, pulling your open mouth towards the camera before coming back to his own cock. He fisted himself a couple times, resting the head of his cock on your tongue as his thick length twitched. Rope after rope of his thick white cum spilled past your plump lips, filling your mouth with it. (I regret now not thinkin gof using the word flooding instead of filling, it would be sexier, but also I find the ‘cumming on someones open mouth so you can watch it’ thing very sexy)

Kenny pumped his hand faster and harder, feeling the coil in his gut snap as he watched you close your pretty mouth, swallowing all of his hot cum, tongue darting out to lick some that had slipped down your lip. He felt his orgasm hit like a truck, shutting his eyes as the intensity of the feeling had him seeing stars. With a grunt, his cock spasmed in his hand, shooting his cum like a torrent. Multiple white, thick ropes spilling from his cock, feeling hot as they poured on his exposed thighs and hips, staining his shirt where they fell on the fabric. 

Kenny rode his orgasm for what felt like forever, ecstasy completely clouding his mind. When he finally came to, eyes opening to see his still hard cock twitching slowly. Pearly white of cum painted his fingers, a string of it coming from the head and connecting to his hips. He swiped his thumb over his still sensitive head, spreading his thick white jizz over the tip. He was breathing hard, and it still took him a moment to fully return from his high. (I have a cum kink, send me to the nasty jail cause I’m gonna write guys who cum a lot and also guys whose cum is thick, you know I’m really horny for a character if I give him both traits, I like the image of a throbbing cock too, just *chefs kiss*, once again, loved writing these two paragraphs. Press F for Kenny’s shirt tho, depending on the fabric this is gonna be hard to clean.)

Looking at the mess he’d made, Kenny felt that pang of guilt back in his chest. Shit, he shouldn’t have done that. Pushing his cock back into his pants, he cleaned his hand in his already stained shirt before sitting straight against the headboard, the full weight of his guilt crashing down. He ran his hand through his hair, lips feeling dry as he swallowed hard.

He really shouldn’t have done that. If Kenny had felt bad after your recent fight, he felt even worse now. Like a sleazy, cowardly excuse of a man. One who was too weak to let go and too harsh to fix things. Worse, he felt like he had slipped back into the self centered asshole you’d left all those years back. Shit, this wasn’t who he wanted to be, and it made him sick to the stomach. He looked back to the camera, the video had already ended, the final image being your smiling face. (like I described this chapter once: Kenny’s very bad no good at all post nut clarity)

With a quick push of the buttons, Kenny deleted the video, erasing it from existence like he had done with the others after your break up. This was the right thing, and if he had known about this camera, known about this video, he’d have done it a long time ago. Now it was done, still he felt like shit. And there wasn’t really any way to erase that taste of guilt from his mouth. (We finish with Kenny doing the correct thing and also showing that he was an asshole but not a completly awful person, he did have the mind to at least do the minimally decent thing of erasing the sex videos he knew he had - he may or may not have jerked off to them before that just as he may or may not have jerked off to videos of reader’s matches - and this one he is erasing now. Like I said he will get the chance to straighten up his act and make some better choices, I don’t wanna end this in angst no happy ending)

[moomee-troll]

literally can’t think about john green for too long or i will start crying, like, nothing makes me want to grow old like watching john green move through the world and reflect on it 

[chicafinal]

out of all the "staying alive" mountain goats adjacent lyrics the one that really punches my gut is "i don't know if that's true/but i've been told/it's real sweet to grow old" from the legend of chavo guerrero

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for decrying my close friend letting an e-boy close to her when it's caused problems before? a friend of mine (25) who i've known for 8+ years is a roleplayer (+ERP) in a videogame and i (27) have watched a couple of dudes now meet them and catch feelings for them through these roleplays and instantly become obsessive creeps. [ for the record, i used to roleplay as well but stopped because of similar situations. so i'm not a stranger to roleplay or anything. I am also aware of the "it's in character so it doesn't matter" "it's in-game so it doesn't matter" mindsets but these events are creating real emotional / sexual connections between the people so it's growing beyond being just "in-game" ] recently they broke connection with someone over this, but it took them weeks of debate to do it, and they were dealing with the falloff for a while. it really hurt them! [for additional context, it's happened before that these people have talked such sweet nothings to her that she's gotten feelings back and would send sexual images and videos to these people, just for them to instantly 180 and start being sleazeballs] she recently started roleplaying again and already another dude is in her dms telling her he has a crush on her, and all these sweet nothings etc. i went out and met the guy because we played together and not only is he frequently seen hitting on other girls (also has a stripper pole in his in-game bedroom??) in-call he was extremely objectifying. bragging about all the people he's been with, talking about wanting "goth mommy" (which my friend is extremely outspoken about despising), he would ONLY talk about sexual shit, and anytime anyone said anything he would make a sexual comment, etc. red flag city. when i told her about it she said she had no idea and that they talked it out, but it sounded a lot like they just passed over the problems. not even a week later now and they're getting in-game married (big social event, costs a good bit of money) and i'm not attending because i won't support it. she's upset about this and we're at odds because to her it's "just roleplay" despite the real money being spent, and the people who have come before who had done the same things nearly 1:1 and created massive problems. i even found an old DM from her complaining about a friend of hers who had done the same thing (guy had feelings for her, in a week he was into someone else and getting married) the outcome of all of this is me feeling like i'm an asshole for not just ignoring the red flags and wishing her well. i'm conflicted because i don't want to just let her hurt herself but i also don't want to be like controlling or mean AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[lol-jackles]

tumblr /jenmishperceiver/747567018487726080/i-think-if-anything-put-the-final-nail-in-the> I've seen this assumption before and imo it's spin: Jensen said repeatedly that he told the group he wanted to think about the script, went home TO HIS WIFE and said he was uncomfortable, who then suggested calling Kripke, ect // In all the retellings, I've never actually seen it said Jensen fought with the writers OR EVEN TOLD THEM and Jared he was uncomfortable until AFTER he'd changed his mind to agreed

Bitter Destiel shippers are those kinds of people who fall for IRS telephone scams.

You're correct, Jensen never said in any of his retellings that he fought with writers nor did he tell them or Jared he's having a hard time "digesting" until AFTER he talked to Kripke and was convinced by Kripke that "Carry On" was the right ending for fans. You know, the real fans who watch the show for what it really is: Sam's hero journey with his beloved brother, Dean.

That said, while you're correct that it's Jensen's job to sell the concept, he has also been pitching a Dean-led spinoff for years. Remember his "dream" (X) that he pitched during the SPN press junket?   I didn’t side-eye his PCA campaigns or his pursuit for Dean-centric storylines, but I did raise my eyebrows at his ballsy move to publicly pitch his post-Sam projects in front of Jared and Misha. What does the jenmishperciever's Anon say about that? Hummm?

Actors are always pitching their project ideas, they're just a bit more subtle about it. I'm certain Jensen had hoped the "dream" would catch on with the fans and they would campaign for it. Except not even AAs were down with the idea. Casual fans even less so. Lucky for you I saved the screenshot from the article:

Reading through jenmishperciever's Anon's self-soothing fanfiction is like watching bread grow old right before your eyes; same delusions we've seen for the past 12 years. Blame Jared for playing Sam who was in the way of a fake fetish ship from becoming canon that Less than 1% of the SPN audience ships. Said Jared's drunken arrest (I refuse to call it a bar fight, it was a group hug gone wrong) could have threaten the ENTIRE filming of the SPN final season while ignoring Anthony Starr's drunken arrest, which by the Anon's logic, would have threaten the ENTIRE filming of The Boys.

Lol they still pretend to believe that Kripke gave the SPN rights to Jensen when Kripke is SUEING WB over profit participation over SPN.

The only thing Jensen cared about with his SPN spinoff was lens crafting, which was why The Winchesters was a Shein version of an AU fanfic. Remember when Jensen told TW cast “don’t fuck it up for me”? After 15-20 years, Jensen is used to lead actors/Jareds doing the heavy lifting in carrying the show and being leader of the cast and crew and he benefitted from the sweet spot as #2 on the call sheet i.e. the good guy who is friends with everyone.

If Jensen keeps trying to be in charge of SPN projects, SPN fans’ reaction is going to be the same as today Marvel fanboys’ reaction every time they hear Kevin Feige’s name: “What did you did do this time you Son of a Bitch!? What train did you derail this time?”

Since Supernatural ended 4 years ago, the bitter Destiel hellers and AAs are stuck in a time loop of step 1 through 4 of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression). S tep 5 is acceptance, which is long delayed due to Jared’s continue success i.e. Walker in it's 4th season and #1 scripted show for CW.

[howlingday]

Harriet: Glad you showed up. I wanted to ask you something.

Jaune: Uh, sure. What's up?

Harriet: I need to ask you something, and I need a real answer.

Jaune: Okay?

Harriet: What do you think of me... as a woman?

Jaune: Huh?

Harriet: L-Like, do I have womanly charms?

Jaune: Uh, where is this coming from?

Harriet: Well... As long as I can remember, people have always said I wasn't "lady-like". Honestly, I can't disagree. I'm good at sports, exercise, and other physical stuff. In fact, it's probably why I've never been in love! And if I've never been in love, then am I really a woman?

Harriet: S-So that's why... I want you to be my boyfriend.

Jaune: ...WHAT?!

Harriet: No, no! Not like a real boyfriend! Just- Just like a practice run, y'know?

Jaune: A practice run?

Harriet: I'm not a woman because I've never been in love, and I can't fall in love because I'm not a woman. Do you see the dilemma? My vicious cycle I'm trapped in? So I need a practice run to bring out my feminine side!

Jaune: I don't know...

Harriet: C'mon,man! I'm on my hands and knees here! I'm begging you! Please help me!

Jaune: I... Does it have to be me?

Harriet: I can't ask anyone else. Please!

Jaune: ...Fine. I guess I can help for a while.

Harriet: Really?! Sweet!

Jaune: So, what do I do?

Harriet: ...Good question.

Jaune: ...

Harriet: ...Okay! Let's get started!

Harriet: (Clears throat) Hello, darling~! Did you have a good day at work? Would you like dinner, or should I draw you a bath?

Jaune: I... think that's jumping ahead a bit. You're acting like a housewife in a comedy.

Harriet: Oh, really? Alright, new approach!

Harriet: (Grabs him) You bastard! You said you would leave your wife, you liar!

Jaune: Th-That's even worse...

Harriet: W-What?! You mean... I can't even get a practice run, right? So I'm going to grow old and die alone and give up on love...

Jaune: H-Hang on! Let's dial it back bit! Like, why do you even need to do this practice stuff?

Harriet: I already told you! It's... It's because I'm not lady like.

Jaune: So? I think that's just part of your charm.

Harriet: W-What?

Jaune: When you push it and get all nervous, that's not really you, is it?

Jaune: To be honest, I like you just the way you are because it's who you are.

Harriet: J-Jaune...

Jaune: And besides, isn't falling in love supposed to be fun? If it isn't fun, is it really the same? I mean, I can't say I've really fallen in love before, so what do I know?

Harriet: Actually... I think you know a lot more than you let on. Thanks.

Harriet: You're right. I'm not going to push it! I'll just have to wait for the right person! Maybe Spruce Willow!

Jaune: (Thinking) That's a... pretty specific taste. Might be waiting a while.

Harriet: Anyways, thanks again, Jaune. Feels like a hundred pounds off my chest. And I kinda had fun practicing with ya! We gotta do it again some time!

Jaune: Uh, I think that's enough practice for me.

Harriet: W-Well... What if we didn't practice?

Jaune: Huh?!

Harriet: KIDDING! I'm just yankin yer chain!

Harriet: But, uh, what is your type, anyways?

[blublublujk]

young blood (3)

part 1 part 2 part 3

word count: 4k

genre: established/growing relationship

pairings: vampy koo x vampy reader, mentions of vampy tae

summary:

Jungkook, the youngest vampire in your clan, wakes up from his last and final resting cycle and that calls for one thing, and one thing only, it's time for his first feeding.

warnings: jungkook's first ever feeding as a vampire so its gonna get crazy and messy, buckle up!! violent content (a deer gets slayed), swearing, sexual content (noona kink, pain kink, slut shaming, tears, cock stepping (YAS), multiple orgasms, jungkook comes in his pants it's kinda pathetic, he also has a big dick, fingering, clothes gets torn off, strength kink, come as lube (so wet and messy), biting (fangs), blood kink (blood splatters and blood drinking), animalistic instinct?? (jungkook keeps sucking on readers blood even after he is told to stop but trust me she wants it, he's just a vampire baby that has zero to no control pls forgive him) unprotected rough sex, overstimulation) really sorry if something is missing, i really did try

a.n: man i wish i had a better excuse to why i've gone missing so instead i bring this... the real ones will enjoy it. thank me later hehe. stop writing about vampy jungkook CHALLENGE FAILED :D

i promise i'll be back with more i have been re-writing old work and plan posting new ones since i don't completely feel satisfied with my writing yet, just believe me this once okie...

see you soon.

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

--

“The boy has risen.”

Five days. It had been exactly five days since those sweet doe-eyes took their last blink. That was probably the hardest part. Missing the sparkle within his eyes. You could stare into that sea of stars for hours, if given the chance. Jungkook was the prettiest human you had ever laid eyes on, and you were more than confident he would be an even prettier newborn vampire.

Jungkook was facing the wall when you first walked into the room. His pale hands were slowly moving around, feeling everything around him, his neck stretching out. The younger was still on the bed you and Taehyung had set up just for his transformation. He had yet to turn around and face you.

“Jungkook-ah, baby.” 

Jungkook nearly snaps his neck in half at the sound of your voice. The boy runs into your arms, his new super strength takes you by surprise as he lifts you easily into his arms, almost squishing you to death. “It worked!” 

You couldn’t help, but giggle. “Of course it did, silly boy. Were you worried?”

“Yes.” He takes a deep breath, releasing his tight grip (but just by a little). “I just wanted to be like you and Hyung-ie so badly.”

“You are now, baby. Forever.” You drop a kiss into his hair, softly tugging the mess of curls, bringing him in close.

“Mm, forever.” 

The younger’s bunny smile was still the same. Not that much his human features would change now that he’s a vampire, he was still as beautiful as ever.

“How you feeling, baby?” 

Those words make Jungkook snap into realization. He palms his throat feeling a burning ache, he swallows harshly, the ache grows only more intense. Nearly burning his insides. He notices more things as well. Stuff he didn’t even know was humanly possible, which it’s not, but for a vampire anything is possible. His scent is strong, he swears he can taste the tree bark outside. He definitely feels stronger, he no longer feels soft or weak. As he feels around his newborn body, he feels tougher. Yet the ache in his throat defeats all curiosity, it burns and he’s— well, he’s confused. What’s happening to him? 

“You’re hungry.” You state like it’s a fact, because it is, even if you can’t necessarily read his mind. 

When a Newborn wakes up from its last and final rest, it realizes its new senses first, everything they knew as a human becomes ten times more interesting as a vampire. They no longer require food, they still feed, but now they depend on one singular fluid, blood, which to a human would be like air or water. They notice their new strengths and with that their very few weaknesses. Soon after though, that’s when the most excruciating part begins. 

The baby vampire will realize a scorching sensation that grows quickly in the back of their throat. It’s hunger, of course, but a Newborn won’t recognize that phenomenon, or feeling. It’s like learning to walk all over again. It is not a “natural feeling”, and most dismiss the pain, treat it as merely as insignificant as that of a sore throat. But dismissing the pain only triggers the pain to increase. Before they know it, they will be pulled out for their first feeding, usually led by the eldest vampires. It will be messy, ugly, and most of all a whole new experience. One that will lead to more frequent occurrences. 

“Y-Yeah… I think I am.” Jungkook swallows, but it does nothing to ease the burning pain. 

You smile, kissing his nose gently. “Don’t worry Jungkookie, Noona will take you on your first feeding.”

“Okay. W-What about Hyung?”

“Taehyung will join us in the next one. He’s taking care of other stuff for now. Don't worry about him. We gotta worry about your thirst first.” 

The boy agrees with a light nod. You stick your hand out and Jungkook takes hold of it, following you out of the house and into the darkest parts of the forest. He followed you like a lost puppy, caressing his throat, but even that did nothing. His throat was ripping him apart from the inside. 

The journey isn’t far because you made sure that Jungkook had all he needed for his first feeding relatively close. Jungkook takes a good look around, and although he is not alone by any means, he sees nothing. Only the huge trees that surrounded you both. It's murky and slightly cold. What now?

“I-I don’t get it.” Jungkooks gulps. “How am I supposed to feed?”

More like what is he supposed to be feeding on? 

The Newborn wraps his arms around himself. He looks lost because he just is. He doesn’t know where to begin, unlike you and Taehyung, you have been feeding all your life and for him, this is much different than picking up food from his local fast food chain. 

You only smile. “You don’t smell that yet, hmm?”

Jungkook inhales through his nose as much as his lungs allow him. At first nothing comes, but then the slightest scent catches his attention, kissing the tip of his nose. It is a very faint taste of a metallic sweetness on his tongue, he assumes immediately that this is what you are talking about as yards away he spots a large deer. Then the impossible occurs, Jungkook swears he could taste the blood rushing through the deer’s body. This is impossible. 

He can hear the beat of its healthy heart pumping its sweet blood, it beats against his ear deliciously. His mouth nearly drools at the sight. He tilts his head slightly, ready to pounce and shred it to pieces. 

“Ahh… now you smell it.” 

“N-Noona.” You hear the boy say, he grabs his own throat roughly, making a strangled noise as if he’s in great pain, had his nails been sharper (you made sure to file them while he slept for the last time), he would have torn his own esophagus out by now. He must eat now. “I— I- I” 

Your hands are on his face quickly. The vampire gets extremely pale, faint. “What baby? I’m here. Don’t you wanna feed? Come on baby, I’ll show you.”

Jungkook shakes his head. His pink lips start fading white. He’s extremely starved, it’s normal as a Newborn. Everyone is usually scared of their first feeding. Typically, they try to avoid their new carnal feelings, it’s almost animalistic, uncontrollable. It’s a crazy sensation to crave something as taboo as drinking blood. Most of them starve themselves avoiding all sorts of craving, but it’s impossible to ignore. A vampire can only go so long without blood before turning wild leaing them feral, that then is when they feed on anything in sight with no remorse, humans and vampires included. 

“What’s wrong, Jungkook-ah? Talk to me, baby.” The Newborn barely holds himself together, his eyes start dropping, unable to stand on his feet any longer, he drops his ass into the ground instead, physically struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“S-Shit Jungkook-ah. You’re starving. Don’t worry, Noona will bring the deer to you. Noona will feed you soon, my thirsty baby vampire. I got you.” Though the deer started moving along, it can’t be that far away, you can still smell its blood pumping yards away, almost feeling it drain its precious blood into your mouth. As you turn to end his misery, a strong grip wraps around your wrist.

“D-Don’t. I-I don’t wanna be a-alone.” The baby vampire shivers, cold sweat dripping from his forehead. “N-Noona, I– I think I’m dying.”

You shake your head wiping him down with your jacket, not caring about getting it dirty. “No baby. You’re just hungry. I’m here. I’ll only leave for a second. I promise. I’ll be back.” 

Jungkook whines, dragging you tightly against him. “No.” 

“Fuck okay. I won’t leave you Jungkook-ah, but you have to feed right now.” You bring a hand behind his neck burying his face against your throat and you hear a muffled cry buried deep into your neck. “Bite down baby. Don’t hold back, but d-don’t take everything. I-I’ll tell you when to stop.”

His breath is hot, you feel his fangs barely graze your neck, not quite enough to cut through the flesh before he pulls off, with a strangled sob. “F-Fangs, they hurt. Really bad.”

“They’re just sensitive, my love. They won’t break off, I know it feels like that, but they won’t. You can do it baby, just bite down.” 

Jungkook furiously shakes his head. This won’t do. They fucking hurt. His tongue goes to massage his gums, but he hisses as soon as it comes in contact. It’s far too sensitive. “N-No. I won't be able to bite down, N-Noona. It hurts, ‘m so hungry. Please Noona.”

The younger is not even sure what he’s begging for, but he knows he’s in the best hands. He’s gonna be okay even if right now he feels his throat has been lit on fire. He knows you would never let him die straving so he closes his eyes for a second allowing himself to rest against the tree.

“S-Shit Jungkook. Okay. Sit up baby, Noona will feed you now.” Your fangs come out quickly as they pierce through your wrist, you bite down as hard as you can so the Newborn’s only job will be to place his fangs through. The blood instantly leaks down your wrist before you rush it over his mouth. “Here baby, bite.”

Jungkook attaches himself immediately to your leaking wrist, his fangs fit perfectly within the gaping holes. He moans with the first initial taste, he sucks with a lot of force, you know you should tell him to slow down, but you don’t even have the heart. The Newborn stuffs his fangs (they are a bit longer than yours) even deeper into the soft flesh, the sensitivity in his fangs finally dying down a bit. 

You groan at the feeling and he continues to suck the life out of you. He was gonna definitely leave a mark, maybe even permanently. Taehyung wasn’t gonna be too happy about that, but it was far too late to tell him to stop anyways. Jungkook fed from you as if you were the tastiest meal he has ever had. The sweet tangy taste was fucking addictive Jungkook never wanted it to end, he could definitely see himself getting used to this. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy when you finally tell him to stop. He doesn’t even know if that’s gonna be possible. This is what he was missing out on? The rush… it’s indescribable, but fucking incredible. He has never felt so alive. 

“O-Okay suh–slow down, baby.” It’s as if you told him to do the opposite. Jungkook continues to lick and bite into anything he can get his mouth on, his tongue coming out to collect the drops of blood that escape from your wrist and leak down your arm. 

You should really, really stop him now, but it feels soooo good, you were always a slut for pain.

“Noona t-tastes so good, so sweet.” A moan rips from your throat as he peels himself off, this time he bites into your neck, the blood instanly hits his tongue and he’s addicted, evermore. He’ll never stop now. He bites down into the vein and the blood rushes into his mouth. Nothing compares to blood directly from the source, he has learned this lesson very early on.

“J–Jungkook...” You are really struggling yourself now, your eyes struggle to stay open, he’s starving you. “Okay enough. Stop.”

The Newborn shakes his head, whining and whimpering into your throat. 

“Stop.” It comes out as a whisper and he denies your calling again. Forcing himself onto you, he bites harshly not giving a fuck about how you tremple and desperately whine below him. He’s killing you and he doesn’t even realize it. Stupid baby vampire. “I said, stop!”

Jungkook is nearly sobbing full on tears when you force him off, tugging his hair back with great force. “N-No, puh– please Noona, ‘m sorry. I’m still so hungry. Please. Feed me!”

He shouts at you like you hadn’t been the one helping him from starving to death. “Control yourself, Jungkook-ah. You almost just fucking killed me!”

The boy's eyes soften and he cries harder. “‘M so so sorry, Noona. I don’t want you to die because of me. I’ll be better. S-Sorry.”

The younger one starts to leak pretty tears, decorating his face quite nicely. You sigh lighly, allowing your emotions to simmer. “Stay here. I’ll bring us the meal.” 

Jungkook doesn’t hold you back this time, not like he was given the choice anyways, this was an order. He manages to keep his position on the cold gravel. It doesn’t take you long to find the deer, you wrap an arm around the deer and put it down with a quick blow to its chest. This was your least favorite part when you first turned, watching the sweet creature fall to its knees and eventually its death, but it got easier with time. Now, you take them down without hesitation or care, it’s in your nature after all. 

You settle the deer at Jungkook’s feet when you return. His eyes widen when he realizes what’s expected of him next. “N-Now what?”

“We eat, my sweet baby vampire.” In the moment, he almost thinks you look cute, but he watches you dig your sharp nails into its wooly hair and tear it nearly in half. The blood rushes out like water and splatters everywhere, some landing on your face and Jungkook’s cheek. Jungkook would be lying if he said this wasn’t the hottest thing he has ever seen, even with blood tainting your perfect face, you were fucking beautiful. Without hesitation you lean in and drink the blood while it’s still fresh and sweet. 

Jungkook hesitates for a bit before he leans in on his own side and slurps up. The flood of red liquid cools his burn almost instantly. At first, Jungkook didn’t understand it. Why slash a deer in half when you can just drink from the source directly? It wasn’t convenient, not at all. It's messy and more blood gushes onto the floor than anywhere else, but he gets it now. He understands. The sight of blood splattering across your face, the way your eyes dilated, mouth drooling… he’ll never forget it. He’s so fucking hard. He moans into the deer's skin, sucking it dry. 

For the first time ever, Jungkook thinks you look like a monster. After all that really is what vampires are, just monsters trying to survive in a world built for humans. Though you prefer the term creature, monster is a bit too extreme for your liking, you can’t help your kind for being. 

Either way, in Jungkook’s eyes, you were the sexiest monster he had ever laid eyes on (not that he came across much), but he would genuinely let you do anything. 

You both keep feeding and it's the hottest thing ever. In fact, you’re so focused on feeding that you nearly miss a grunt rip through Jungkook’s throat. But that isn’t what distracts you, no… it’s Jungkook’s hard cock against your thigh. 

The younger starts rutting against your thigh like a dirty fucking animal, a bitch in heat if you will. 

Eventually, the deer runs dry. 

Your mouth comes off and you lick the leftover blood dripping from your lips. Jungkook, well, he’s still rubbing himself on you. 

“Jungkook.” Usually, the boy comes to a halt embarrassed about the situation but no, this time, he’s desperate. So fucking needy and horny. “Hey.” 

Jungkook hums, finally popping off the deer, he looks down at his little (big) problem. Shamelessly he keeps grinding hands besides you to support himself, but not for long. You shove him off you. 

“I— Noona.” 

“You’re so fucking dirty. So fucking nasty. But you know that right baby? Hmm? Good for nothing besides leaking come.” Your words go straight to his dick, only making him harder, if he didn’t know any better he would have sworn he has already come from how much he’s leaked into his boxers. 

He softly whines, feeling his stomach stir in heat. “Yes… yes Noona, I am. So so dirty and nasty. Please Noona, I wanna come so bad. ‘M so horny.” 

“Yeah? You wanna come.” The pretty vampire nods, looking dainty and fragile, even if it is far from the truth. “Okay then, you’ll come on my terms.” 

You stood up, all tall and mighty, without warning, you stepped on his crotch enough to feel his length beneath your foot. Jungkook yelps, feeling the pressure build on his hard cock. “Like this. You’ll come like this. Move, my baby vampire. Take what you need.” 

And that is exactly what he does. Desperately, Jungkook grinds against your heel. He didn’t imagine himself ever being into cock stepping, but he isn’t even surprised or one to complain. You bring the worst out of him. He grunts and moans without holding back, feeling more heat coil in his stomach, he’s so fucking close. Of course you know this, so you step on him harder and the boy comes undone beneath you with a strangled cry. 

“Oh! Oh my fucking god!” Jungkook comes so much, he’s sure his briefs are a fucking mess, he’ll most likely throw it away anyways. “So good Noona, s-so good.” 

“Yeah?” A smile grows on your face, watching blush start painting his pale cheeks. He somehow manages to look small and embarrassed as if he didn’t just fuck himself agaisnt your foot. God, he could be so adorable. 

“Yes. Always ‘s good.” Jungkook pauses, he looks shy before asking. “What about you Noona? I wanna please you too.” 

“Yeah? You think you can handle me right now?” 

The younger exhales a scoff. “You know I can.” 

“Yes… yes you can, my pretty slutty baby.” The younger’s lashes flutter as if it’s a compliment to his ears (it is), he feels you land on his lap, hands take place on the swole end of your ass, like they belong there (you both know they do). “You gonna fuck me now? Huh baby?”

“Yes, Noona. I’ll fuck you so good. Just how you like it.” He’s breathless, yet that doesn’t stop him from reaching behind your neck and locking lips with you. His tongue comes out shyly, before forcing your mouth open with a bite. He sucks and licks into your mouth, still savoring the faint taste of blood on your tongue. With syched moans, he forces his lips off yours kissing down your jaw and neck, nipping at the tender flesh, God, he could never get enough of you.

“Kook…” Your voice is light. “Just fuck me already baby.” 

Maybe you should have let him continue at his own pace because the second he hears your sweet demand, he literally tears your bottoms in half, just enough to slip a hand below. His fingers tease your soft puffy folds, easing one finger inside them. The younger’s middle finger toys your clit, he feels a bit rough to the touch, yet the stimulation causes a whine to slip from your lips. He focuses on the gasp forcing your mouth to fall wide, the blood splattered on your face is now dry, but it paints your face beautifully. Anyone else would run in fear, but Jungkook feels he has always belonged here, he’s really home. 

The younger one sticks his tongue out and attempts to lick the dried blood off your face. He fails, but the attempt is very much there, ignoring the slobber on your face. 

Finally, two fingers gather your juices before carefully sliding them into your tight hole, which selfishly takes them both. Your arms wrap around Jungkook, pressing moans into his neck as he fingers your pussy with skill. He doesn’t go fast, just enough to open you up before he takes you on his cock. 

“Oh– right there, Jungkookkk.” The Newborn pushes his fingers deeper, finding your g-spot with ease, you coat his fingers nicely. He can taste your slick on his tongue, it's driving him insane. Jungkook contemplates adding another finger, but he does it anyway and you clench around his fingers, breath hitching against his ear. “Fuh–Fuckkk…”

Slolwy, you start to ride his fingers, feeling them stretch your walls. “K-Kiss me.”

He leans in without hesitation and kisses you sloppily, on demand. When things start to escalate, tongue deep in your mouth, saliva coating your lips, he pulls out of you gently and pushes you towards the floor with a cut–off yelp, ass up face down. He brings his hips to yours, letting you feel just how hard you made him. He feels unnecessarily big and heavy behind you, this alone makes you shiver in anticipation for what's to come. He waits no longer. Jungkook thinks if he doesn’t stuff your pussy full of dick right now, he might just pass away at this very moment. 

Jungkook unzips his pants, dragging them down, along with his messy boxers. He blows a harsh breath out, watching your folds glisten in the natural light. He wishes things were different, that he could eat you out, that is if he didn’t feel his dick was about to explode in his hand. “R-Ready baby?” 

“Always. Don’t hold back, baby, fuck me how I like it.” The younger wastes no time further, he gathers just enough of his own come off his boxers and uses it as lube (with all the intention to just fuck it back into you). He coats his length before he’s burying himself inside you. Even after three fingers, Jungkook manages to stretch your walls to the brim, fucking you deep and consice. You feel as tight as ever. “Oh my, fucking god...”

He slows down, allowing you to adjust, your eyes close feeling him thrust with care. The boy carrases your arching back, feeling your heat tighten against him. “So fucking good for me. I love your pussy so much, Noona. You always take me so well.”

His praises bring heat to your stomach, squirming below him. “Y-Yeah, baby? Fuck me like you mean it then.” 

“Don’t worry, Noona. I’ll fuck you until you forget who truly owns you.” His words breakthrough like glass before he’s pushing you further into the ground, shoving his dick as deep as he can go, fucking you like the slut you were. 

I’ll fuck you until you forget who truly owns you. 

Taehyung… you belong to Taehyung but here you were, getting fucked like some whore and by the youngest vampire in your clan. Pornagraphic moans escape your mouth, as you attempt to hold onto anything below you but nothing works, Jungkook is fucking into you and holding on like you’ll escape. 

The grip on your hips is bound to leave bruises, but that increasingly excites him. The hot pit in your gut starts to twist, you’ll come in a second if he keeps this pace. Nevertheless, Jungkook moans shamelessly, keeping his brutal pace, watching you make a mess of his dick every time he pulls back. 

“J-Jungkook… I’m gonna fucking come, slow down.” You quietly demand, but this does nothing for you, he increases his speed, grunting as he feels you pulse around his cock. It’s messy and fast, just the way you like it. Felt so perfect wrapped around him. 

“Y-You asked for this, Noona, now take it.” The younger fucks into you at an alarming rate, his hands grope your ass cheeks apart feeling him dive further. Your eyes roll back, skin clapping on skin with no desire to end.

“Fuh–Fuck, Jungkook. Baby, I– I’m gonna come.” Goosebumps rise on your skin, feeling a cold breeze wrap around you. He watches as his cock disappears inside your sex, he’s so fucking close himself. 

“Come on my dick Noona, make a mess out of it, hmm just how you like it.” The Newborn bites his lip attempting and failing to hold his moans, so instead he embraces them and nearly growls feeling you become tighter every thrust. 

“C-Coming.” Is the only word that manages to make it out before you tremble under his sensitive touch. The knot inside your stomach breaks, releasing your juices all over his thick length. The sensation of you coming on his cock never gets old, he groans holding back his own release. 

“F-Fuck, just like that Noona, so good for me. Always so good. I’m gonna come too.” Jungkook whines, doing everything in his power to stop from milking you full (he will most likely do it anyways). 

“Inside baby, i-inside.” He feels you melt under him before he’s pushing his warm seed inside you, nearly collapsing on top of you, still fucking his release deep into you. 

Jungkook manages to slip out carefully, placing you on top of his chest, his harsh pants manage to calm you regardless of him fucking your thoughts away. The younger calms his breathing before speaking above a whisper. “Thank you, Noona. Thank you.” 

“Anytime my baby vampire, anytime.”

[prisoner-000]

MILGRAM, Growing Up & Maturity

Recently, I've been thinking about MILGRAM and its prisoners connections to the concept of age and growing up - not every prisoner has a connection to this theme, but I think it's worth talking about!

Haruka - Haruka still sees himself as a child (his age is listed as 17, so he technically is) though in his MVs, he's often shown as a very young child, which makes sense considering his story centers around his relationship with his mother (and likely his life in the school system/being mistreated as a disabled child). Haruka represents being stuck growing up forever, never being supported enough to grow into an adult.

Yuno - Yuno's young age was often used as a point of skepticism by the audience during T1. She was told she was just too immature to know what she was doing/was barely an adult etc. Yuno spoke out against this view in Tear Drop, which represents her as a mature adult, despite her young age. She mirrors Haruka in this aspect. She grew up as fast as she liked, her decisions were her own. She was allowed to become an adult exactly when she wanted to.

Fuuta - Fuuta, even being 20 years old, still acts very much like a teenage bully - or at least, that's the act he puts up. He goes along with the crowd and doesn't really know his own place in the world just yet. He's not even able to realize the harm he's doing to his online victims until his 'murder'. When he's voted guilty in T1, this bully attitude is finally stripped away and he seems more like a confused young boy than a confident college student. Fuuta hasn't quite reached the point where he can call himself a grown adult yet.

Muu - This one is a little harder to properly pinpoint. Muu has been pampered by her rich parents all her life and has never had to make many decisions or work for herself (assuming she was actually a queen bee bully type). The first decision in her life that's actually hers is, tragically enough, her murder. She seems to see herself as someone who can boss around adults already when she clearly still has a lot of growing up to do.

Shidou - Shidou seems like the most mature prisoner of all. He had a family, a wife, kids - though that's been taken away from him, he still retains a wiseness that the other characters don't seem to have. Shidou is an adult who would rather be taken apart by piece by piece than see others be hurt. He often talks about his childhood in his extra material, almost seemingly longing to be a child again, where he had to experience no loss and no growing up.

Mahiru - Mahiru, as contrasted by Shidou, is very lacking in experiencing what she values most in life - love. She's in college when she finally gets what she wants, and she doesn't understand what being in a relationship truly means. In her 2nd MV, her view of her relationship is almost childishly whimsical. There's a carousel, sweets, a party just for her. This is to symbolize her still needing to grow and see the real world for what it is, also linked to maturity.

Kazui - With the next pair, this motif is a lot easier to see. Kazui is the oldest prisoner in all of MILGRAM, but he is still immature at heart. He often talks almost like he resents being an adult, wishing to be irresponsible again. This may sound similar to Shidou at first, but the difference between Kazui and Shidou is the fact that Shidou doesn't seem to mind being affected by societal norms (having a family, a good job, wife and kids...) as much as Kazui. Kazui wants nothing more than to be as free as he used to be before his relationship (either because he doesn't want to have just 1 relationship or because he hates the norms being forced on him). This might just be disproven in like 1 month but.. we'll see?

Amane - I feel like Amane is almost too obvious for me to write anything about her. First off, she's a child. Obviously she's still growing up and learning - but she's a child trope flipped on her head, she's only twelve, but she's obsessed with being a mature adult (assumedly to be respected by her elders in the cult). Often showcased in the Minigram comics is her childish nature surfacing in calm moments, but it never lasts. She's been forced to grow up too fast and there's no undoing it for her.

I feel like I can't really connect this theme to Mikoto and Kotoko, honestly. We just don't know enough about them yet - So maybe I'll expand on this once their T2 MVs come out? Feel free to add on if you'd like, though. :) Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

[naranjapetrificada]

Fanfic Friday time

This week wrt my own writing: things are picking back up again, although god I forgot how little sunlight we get during spring. Of what I've written of Chapter 3 so far, I'll probably be keeping like, 3000 words? Which doesn't feel like a lot considering how much I wasn't able to squeeze into Chapter 2, but the problem with misjudging your timeline is that you start seeing new places to put things, farther away than when you started. I also have some important pieces I need to get on the proverbial chess board and no idea how to elegantly do it so

Anyway, onto the recs! I've been reading a mix of new and old OFMD stuff, plus a disarmingly beautiful Good Omens fic I found deep in my [redacted number] open AO3 tabs that knocked me right off my feet.

Works from the A to Z of Edward Teach zine started to show up on the archive this week, if you weren't able to purchase your own copy. It's packed with great stuff, but a couple of gems that stood out to me were:

To-cat-ta and Fugue by the one and only @mxmollusca, a silly and sweet canon divergent (season 1) one shot that brings a whole new meaning to "cat energy"

J is for Jeff by @veeagainsttheday, a modern AU about Ed trying to get a new start with a new identity, but accidentally telling the cute guy whose life he impulsively saved his real name. Thing about saving someone's life is they might want to thank you for it, and if they're Stede Bonnet then Ed Jeff will want to see him again.

As for non-zine OFMD recs, well, I'm still out here trying to scratch the Fast Car itch while patiently waiting for smallestchurch to post the third* chapter. In the mean time:

I went for one of her other fics, Turn on the Light. This time it's a modern AU where Stede buys a bookshop next door to Ed's famous cocktail bar, and as we know, these boys fall in love in every universe. I adored it.

For some more childhood friends vibes, I went to If You Get the Time, the Number is Still Mine by @one-more-page. It's told almost entirely through phone calls between Ed and Stede as they grow up and apart and back together again, and did a great job of capturing the extremely specific loneliness of watching yourself lose a friend.

And last but certainly not least we have Though Heaven Bar the Way by @books-and-omens, a gorgeously written, evocative, canon divergent Good Omens fic that I'm going to be thinking about (as a writer and a reader) for a long, long time. Inspired by The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann, it's set at a tuberculosis sanitorium in the Swiss Alps a few decades after Crowley and Aziraphale's big 1862 fight. When I say it knocked me off my feet I mean it knocked me off my feet. It hit me like an avalanche. I will be recommending to absolutely everyone.

*because I have a modicum of self awareness I can see the irony here, deep in my own WIP's chapter 3 trenches.

[greyfics]

fifties/sixties song lyric prompts

because I've drafted so many quotes from songs that I want to use as inspiration for fic writing whilst listening to my throwback playlist and whether you're on this little site for role-playing, fanfics or general writing inspiration I'm sure this'll be of use ! will be doing another one with lines from songs I have specifically discovered via the fallout tv series soundtrack I was going to add them here but realised I already did uh a fair few by that point to say the least haha

you don't have to use these as quotes ( personally I like to use prompts sometimes as the titles for the writing it inspires, even if I don't use the prompt at all in the end ), so do what you want with them :)

- °•. ✦ .•° -

"You're alone now, no love of your own- but darlin', reach out." "Nobody's right if everybody's wrong." "You keep losin' when you ought to not bet." "You told me lies, now it's your turn to cry." "That's the kind of girl I'd like to meet." "You, to me, are sweet as roses in the morning." "The concrete and the clay beneath my feet begins to crumble- but love will never die." "We'll see the mountains tumble before we say goodbye." "The shadows fall, and once again you're in my arms." "Everytime I see your face, I get all choked up inside." "Hope you are quite prepared to die." "I thought love was only true in fairy-tales- meant for someone else, but not for me." "I thought love was more or less a given thing- seems the more I gave, the less I got." "I betcha five dollars he'll kill you dead." "Is her sweet expression worth more than my love and affection?" "He's taken everythin' I got." "I wonder, what went wrong with our love?" "I wonder, where she will stay- my little runaway." "Your mind is so full of red." "Your eyes may look like his- but in your head, baby, I'm afraid you don't know where it is." "Wouldn't you love somebody to love?" "I go through life, without a care." "Now that I've surrendered, so helplessly- you now want to leave." "Now that you've got me, you wanna leave me behind." "I know something about love: you've gotta want it bad." "Why should true love be so complicated?" "I want to be with you all of the time." "The only time I feel alright is by your side." "I don't believe you, you're not the truth." "Are you lonely, just like me?" "When I found you, the moon stood still." "All of those vows you made, were never to be." "Though we're apart, you're part of me still." "If we go some place to dance, I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me." "I can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before." "Though it's just a line for you, for me it's true." "Bluer than velvet were her eyes; warmer than may her tender sighs." "Ours a love I held tightly, feeling the rapture grow." "Like a flame burning brightly- when she left, gone was the glow." "And I still can see blue velvet through my tears." "Darlin', save the last dance for me." "I will never, never let you go." "Carry on, 'til the night is gone and it's time to go." "Ain't that a shame? You're the one to blame." "Say you belong to me and ease my mind." "A wave out on the ocean could never move that way." "I love every movement- there's nothing I would change." "Will you still love me tomorrow?" "I only know I never wanna let you go." "Ever since we met you've had a hold on me." "I never knew that I could be in love like this." "I didn't stand a chance." "No one here gets out alive, now." "You get yours baby, I'll get mine." "They got the guns. but we got the numbers." "We're takin' over." "I'll make you so proud of me." "We'll make 'em turn their heads, every place we go." "Since the day I saw you, I have been waiting for you." "You know I will adore you, 'til eternity." "You're a real mean guy." "I know that you're the one to blame." "You mixed me up for good right from the very start." "I don't feature what you're putting down." "Since I kissed his loving lips of wine, the thing that bothers me is that I like it fine." "Might as well confess, if the answer's yes." "Though it really hurts me, there's something that I've gotta say." "You stretched my love, till it was thin enough to tear." "I'm just a somebody nobody wants." "I don't want to set the world on fire, honey- I love you too much." "If your love is gone, how can I face the dawn?" "Maybe you'll ask me to come back again- and, maybe, I'll say maybe." "It hurts me to tell 'em that you're gone."

- °•. ✦ .•° -

[mydarllinglover]

Alone || The Man In The Red Poncho

Previous

When Daryl had finished fixing the bike up, Aaron had explained to the pair how they would go about with the recruiting and the route they were planning on taking, considering the pair were from Georgia and did not know anything about Virginia.

Natalia had explained to him, that at their old community, the prison, it was mainly her and Daryl that had rescued people, bringing them back, that they were familiar with helping survivors and giving them sanctuary.

Natalia had decided on taking Milo up on his offer of dinner, it was sweet and he was right about being a good cook, even with the sparse ingredients, he was a lot nicer and friendly than when they had first met.

Evie had kept her promise of drawing more pictures, giving them to the woman as she talked about school and how Carl was in the big kids group with the Anderson boys, she thought he was cool.

Natalia had surprisingly took a fast liking to the girl, she was kind but blunt, Natalia couldn't blame her, growing up in a world like this.

Milo wasn't bad either, she could see herself becoming friends with him fast, he was quite interesting to talk to, after Evie had gone to bed, which she insisted on Natalia helping with, her and Milo had shared a glass of wine, she made sure to keep to only a wine after the other night.

"She adores you." Milo said. "I've never seen her like this with anyone, not in a real long time."

"She's a great kid." Natalia responded.

"You're invited to hang out here whenever if it means I get to see that smile on her face, obviously when you're not recruiting, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it, I don't think Evie will give you much choice, either way." He told her.

"Of course, I think she's growing on me." Natalia teased.

"Did you ever have kids, before this?" He asked her. "Just that, you're so good with her."

"Yeah, a long time ago." She admitted, surprising herself that she did. "A little girl."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. It sucks."

When she had got back to the home she shared with her friends, it seemed like Daryl was waiting for her on the porch, as he smoked, he hadn't out rightly asked for details, but she told him anyway, even showing off Evie's drawings, especially the one that appeared to be him and a motorcycle, the same one she must've seen him working on in the garage.

"You in love with the guy yet?" Daryl asked her.

"Pft, no, he's alright, not really my type, I'm only there for Evie." Natalia told him.

"Your type?" He scoffed.

"Yeah, I have a type." She looked at him. "Y'know, I'm supposed to be hanging out with her again when we get back, maybe you can come with."

"Nah, nobody wants that, I ain't good with kids."

"Yeah, cause Judith doesn't look up at you like you hang the stars, and you don't look at her the same way." She nudged him.

"She's different."

"You ever think this will stick, that maybe Aarons right, and we will be able to fall in love again, and have families?" Natalia asked him, leaning her head against his arm as they both stared ahead, into the street, linking her arm with his.

"Like hell I'd know, never been in love before, my only family was Merle."

"You've never been in love?" Natalia leaned off of him, looking into his eyes. "Like ever? Not even some high school girlfriend you thought was gonna last forever?"

"Nope, would need to have a girlfriend for that."

"Shut up, you're kidding." She didn't mean to come across so mean, she just couldn't wrap her head around the idea that he'd never been in a relationship before.

"Never wanted to, ain't found the right girl, before. The time never came." He shrugged, he didn't seem bothered by it.

"Ugh, so you're some damn "holding out for true love" romantic" She teased, placing her head back on his arm.

"Something like that." He shrugged, looking down at the woman.

"She'll come around someday, you deserve to be happy, and you'll sweep her off her feet and be romantic and in love and happily ever after."

"Maybe." He continued to stare down at her, her being completely oblivious by it.

The next day had come, Aaron and Natalia were prepping the car whilst Daryl sat on his bike, waiting for them so that they could head off.

Carol had forced Daryl to put on a flannel jacket under his vest and Natalia to layer up.

As Natalia was finishing up with the car, Evie came walking over to her, Milo wasn't too far behind.

"She wanted to say bye." He told the woman.

"Oh, I won't be gone for long." Natalia told the girl, bending down to talk to her. "We're gonna come back with people, then me and you can hang out again."

"Promise you'll come back?" She asked her, almost pleading, a sad expression was etched on her face, it sent a pain to Natalia's heart.

"Hell yeah, I think I'd miss you too much, I pinkie promise." Natalia stuck out her pinkie, linking it with the girls. "But hey, you know my friend Carol? She makes these really good cookies, maybe if you tell her I sent you, you can make some with her, would you like that?"

She looked at her dad, unsure of herself, but with a nod from him, she said yes.

"Bye, Natty." She wrapped her arms around Natalia's neck, hugging her tightly.

"Bye, Evie." She hugged the girl back, just as tight, she was starting to feel very fond of Evie, a bond between them had formed very quickly, Natalia didn't know whether to let it flow or cut it off immediately, before the pair could get too attached, making friendships in this world was mostly likely a cause for disaster.

When they pulled away, Natalia got in the passenger side of the car, Milo picked Evie up as they waved them off, Natalia waved back as Aaron drove the car behind Daryl's bike.

At night time, they had stopped in a field, Natalia was glad she didn't have to put up with Aarons small talk any longer.

Daryl took out a walker with his crossbow as they got out the car.

"There's more of them around here than there used to be." Aaron told the pair. "Don't know if any people..."

"Shh." Daryl told him, pointing ahead. "Someone is."

A small yellow light was emitting from the trees, a fire, a sign of human presence.

They had set up camp, deciding that they would look for whoever was there in the light.

"So, how come you're so good with-"

"Aaron." Natalia cut him off, as the three were laying down in their own made up beds.

"Yeah?"

"For the love of God, and I'm trying to be nice, shut up." She told him.

"Understood." He didn't speak for the rest of the night.

Once she was sure Aaron was asleep, she scooted closer to Daryl, knowing he was still awake.

"I missed our sleepovers." She muttered lowly, as she got comfortable beside him.

"Only been a week." He grumbled.

"Told you, I got used to you being there." She leaned up, kissing his cheek with a hushed but overexaggerated mwah, before laying back down, comfortable with the fact that he was there.

After the dinner at Aarons and Erics, she stayed in her own room, Sully being her roommate, as he took up most of the bed.

When the sky was blue, they trudged through the woods, stopping at dismembered limbs on the ground.

"Whoever did this, took whatever was left with them." Daryl told them. "This just happened."

Natalia swapped her knife for her gun, taking it off safety as they looked around the trees.

Daryl walked ahead, Natalia closely behind him, but Aaron was more hesitant, the colour in his face disappearing.

They walked further.

A naked girl was tied to a tree, her blonde hair covering her face, her stomach had been devoured.

"She's tied up." Aaron observed. "And they fed on her. Tore her apart. This just happened?"

"Yeah." Daryl nodded.

Natalia shrugged off her jacket, pulling her sweatshirt over her head.

"What are you doing?" Aaron asked her, as she was only in a tank top in the cold whether, approaching the girls body.

"Doing what I would want done in a state like this." She answered.

She put the sweatshirt over the girl's head, pulling it down, she was about to cut the ties on her arms, to lay her down peacefully, when the girl's head raised, snarling at Natalia as she opened her eyes.

"Nat." Daryl called, pulling her back.

"Wait." She tried, but Daryl grabbed her hair, plunging his knife into her skull, until she was once again lifeless.

Natalia looked at her pale face again, a W was carved into her forehead, like the one they had saw at the wooden house.

"We gotta go." Daryl looked around the area, before back at Natalia.

"No, not yet." She told him, cutting the ties, supporting the dead body, struggling to get her arm in one of the holes, when she fell to the ground, Natalia got the other one through, now her body wasn't so open to just about everyone.

"I know what its like, I guess, sorta." She stood back up, shrugging as she headed in the direction of the field, letting the memories of having to pull her own cargo pants back up and do up the button, when she wasn't the ones to pull them down, twice.

They drove some more, Daryl was now sporting the pair of sunglasses they had found by the dismembered body parts.

Shortly, they had come to another stop, Aaron and Natalia meeting Daryl by his bike, and they set foot, into the woods, once again.

"Somebody came through here a while ago." Daryl said, leading the way through the leaves.

"If we see them, we hang back, set up the mike, watch and listen." Aaron told them.

"For how long?" Daryl voiced the question Natalia was also thinking.

"Until we know. We have to know."

"You've sent people away?" Daryl continued to ask the questions.

"Yeah." Aaron answered.

"What happened?"

"It was early on. It was three people. Two men and a woman."

"How very fitting." Natalia looked at her company.

"Davidson was their leader." Aaron continued. "I thought they'd work out. They didn't. I brought them in and I had to see them out. So me, Aiden, and Nicholas, we drove them out far... gave them a days worth of food and water and left them."

"Awful generous for a kick out." Natalia thought out loud.

"They just went?" Daryl asked.

"We had their guns. We had all the guns. I can't make that kind of mistake again."

"You wont. We won't" Natalia told him.

The three had managed to scope out a man in a bright red poncho, by himself, just walking along without a possible care in the world.

They watched him bend down, his gloved hands coming up dark as they rubbed together, then he rubbed it onto his face.

"What's he doing?" Aaron asked.

"Wild leaks." Daryl answered. "Son of a bitch knows about how to keep mosquitos off of him."

"Mosquitos? Oh my god, I hate bugs." Natalia looked around for the sight of any flying things in her space.

"You're fine." Daryl told her, stopping her from moving around. "Come on." He then walked forward.

The man with the red poncho led them to a canned food warehouse, but he was nowhere in sight.

Walkers littered the area as Daryl used binoculars to search around.

"We checked the forest, we checked the roads. We can't find him." Aaron said.

"So we're just giving up?" Natalia asked him.

"Sometimes they just slip away. It happens. But you don't come across something like this everyday."

"We do this now, it means we're giving up." Daryl said.

"Home is 50 miles back. It's time to go. You saw them last night, there's bad people out here."

"That's why we ought to keep looking for the good ones." Daryl said.

"He's right, I agree with Daryl, we didn't come all this way to come back with no one." Natalia folded her arms, looking at Aaron unsurely. "Besides, you really think a place like this is just untouched, surely someone's come through here."

"We need more people and we'll find them. But when we do, we'll need to feed them." Aaron told the pair. "Look at it, doesn't look touched."

"Alright." Daryl switched sides, grabbing a knife and hitting it against the metal fence, grabbing the walkers attention.

Between the three, all the walkers were taken out through the fence.

Aaron pulled the fence across, with a little of Daryl's help.

They continued onto the property, Natalia had an itching feeling about this place.

The trio walked along the canned food trucks, along some of them, cans hung from the tops, stung together as they clanged in the wind.

"Woah." Aaron beamed, getting on one knee in front of a truck. "Wasn't sure I'd ever see one of these." He pulled out a screwdriver from his pack, taking off a license plate.

Natalia walked away, assessing the other trucks, Daryl checked out the area.

"Hey, listen, I don't like giving up either, but the guy is in a red poncho. You can see him from a mile away." He managed to get the Alaska license plate off. "We've gone a lot of miles here. No sign of him. But... if we come away with a trailer full of cans, I'd say that's a good trip."

Natalia leaned towards one of the trucks, managing to hear something, she knocked on the metal, and the sounds of shovelling and snarls picked up.

"Here we go." Daryl said, bending down.

"Wait, Daryl!" Natalia called to him, but it was too late, he propped the door open, causing a trip to go off.

All the trailer doors had opened, revealing them packed full of walkers, like sardines in a can, all brandishing W's on their foreheads.

Natalia ran forward, in between two of the trailers, the two men hot on her trail as the walkers followed them.

Daryl and Natalia pull out their knifes, stabbing them into the closest heads, whilst Aaron used his licence plate to cave into an walkers skull.

"Over here." He shouted.

"Come on." Daryl told them, as they crawled under one of the trailers.

Daryl picked up a chain as Natalia kicked at a female walker, who was crawling towards them.

"We're gonna die, we're so gonna die." Natalia muttered to herself.

"No!" Aaron cried.

"Come on." Daryl ordered, as they climbed out the other side of the trailer, Aaron was trembling.

Daryl used the chain as a whip, taking off three walker heads at the same time, if Natalia wasn't in a life or death situation, she would of taken notice of the butterflies that had fluttered In her lower belly.

Another walker had snuck up on Aaron, getting a hold of his bag as he wrestled to get her off of him, Natalia reached forward, plunging her knife into the walkers skull.

But Aaron had still dropped his bag.

They fought their way through to a car, Daryl opened the door, shoving Natalia in, climbing in after her, than Aaron.

"Come on, go!"

A walker struggled after Aaron, who slammed the door onto her head, before slamming it shut.

"Are you okay, did you get bit?" Daryl, taking Natalia by surprise, asked, cupping her face as he checked the amount of skin he could see, or any rips in her clothes.

"No! No, I'm okay, fine, are you?" She pulled his hands away, asking him, then turning to the other man, she was leaning against the door, squeezed between Daryl and the dashboard. "Aaron?"

"Yeah, fine." He nodded.

As they looked at the windows, walkers were climbing onto the car, scratching at the glass to get to them.

"Glass will hold for a while, right?" Aaron asked.

"Maybe." Daryl answered. "Maybe we make it so they can't see us. In a couple of hours, something will come by, they'll follow it out. There's gotta be something in here we can use to block the view."

"What about cutting up the seats?" Natalia suggested, climbing over Daryl and into the back.

Aaron picked up a yellow piece of paper, unfolding it.

"Trap. Bad People Coming. Don't Stay." The note said.

Natalia's heart dropped.

They were fucked.

Daryl let out a chuckle as they sat there in silence for a moment.

"What?" Aaron asked as him and Natalia looked at the man.

"I came out here to... not feel all closed up back there. Even now, this still feels more like me... than back in them houses. That's pretty messed up, huh?"

"You were trying." Aaron told him.

"I had to."

"No you didn't."

"Listen, I saw you with your group out there on the road. Then you went off on your own by the barn. Storm hit and you led your people to safety. That was it. I knew I had to bring you people back. You were right, both of you, We should have kept looking for that guy in the red poncho. I shouldn't have given up. Neither of you did."

Daryl placed a cigarette in between his lips, searching his pocket for his lighter.

"I have a plan." Natalia told them, not really paying attention to their conversation and more about the problem at hand.

Aaron turned around to look at her.

"I'll head out first, distract them, then you go, head for the fence." She said.

"No." Daryl told her.

"Nat, you can't."

"Why not? Someone has to, you got people waiting for you back there, there's no arguing about it."

"So do you." Aaron said.

"I got people in other place I need to get to."

"What about your dog?"

"Carl will take care of him for me." Natalia fixed her hair, preparing herself.

"And Evie?"

"What about her? She's just a kid, I don't owe her anything, she'll get over it." She shrugged, pulling out her knife. "She has her parent."

"You ain't doing it." Daryl told her.

"Daryl."

"No. I'll go." He declared.

"No, no, no." Aaron argued. "This was my fault."

"It wasn't a question. And this ain't your decision. It ain't nobody's fault."

"And it's not yours, I said I'll do it, and I will." Natalia finalised.

"No. You don't draw them away. We fight. We go for the fence, we do it together. All right? Whether we make it or not, we do it together, the three of us. We have to."

"If you say so." Natalia said, she had no faith in his idea.

"Alright." Daryl agreed. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

"I guess." Natalia shrugged, sitting up, ready to jump over the seats again.

"We'll go on three." Daryl told them. "One... Two..."

He didn't get to three.

A stick impaled the skull of a walker in front of Aarons window, then the door was yanked open.

Aaron jumped out as whoever had reached them fought of the walkers, he was quick to join the fight.

"Go, go!" Daryl told Natalia, pushing her forward and out the car, just like he pushed her in it. "I'm right behind you."

They took out walkers, creating a path.

Aaron was the first to reach the fence, starting to pull it along as he waited for the others to reach him.

"Come on. Come on, get in here." Daryl said as he pulled the other side shut, blocking out the walkers, he then turned around, shooting an arrow into a walkers head that was on the side with them.

Natalia put away her knife, grabbing her gun, that she had booked out from the armoury when they left, aiming it at the man in the brown coat, carrying a stick.

"That was " Aaron smiled as he caught his breath. "Oh, thank you."

"Was this you?" Natalia asked, as she stared the stranger down. "You the bad guy who set the traps, gotta tell you, hella smart."

"No, I didn't." The man answered.

"Nat, he ain't an enemy." Daryl joined her side.

She looked at him, unsure if that were true, before putting her gun back.

"I'm Aaron, this is Daryl, and Natalia." Aaron introduced once he was sure the woman wasn't going to shoot the stranger.

"Morgan." The man replied.

"Why?" Daryl asked, eluding to him just saving their lives.

"Why?" Morgan repeated. "Because all life is precious, Daryl."

She didn't believe that.

"Whoever set that trap, they're coming." Aaron said. "But I have good news. We do." He pointed at the other two. "We have a community not too far from here. Walls. Electricity, it's safe. If you'd like to come join us..."

"I thank you." Morgan cut him off. "But I'm on my way somewhere. Fact is, I'm lost, so..." He pulled out a map, passing it to Daryl. "If you could tell me where we are."

Daryl unfolded it, Natalia leaned an arm on his shoulder, looking at the map as well.

SORRY, I WAS AN ASSHOLE. COME TO WASHINTON. THE NEW WORLD IS GONNA NEED RICK GRIMES.

The map read, in Abrahams scratchy writing.

"He wrote this when you were in Atlanta with Carol, when we split up." Natalia revealed.

"You know Rick?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, he's part of our group, for a long time, now." She spoke to him, "Back in Alexandria."

Morgan had decided to go back with them to Alexandria, in hopes of reuniting with Rick.

Natalia rode with Daryl, giving Aaron a chance to get to know Morgan, if anyone could get someone to open up, it would be him.

"Hey, don't ever try and pull some shit like that again." Daryl told her as they got ready to leave the area they were parked in. "You ain't alone, you got people who need you, Rick, Michonne, Carl, Judith... Me."

"You need me?" She enquired, the corner of her lip raised.

"Yeah, who else is going to keep it real or offer a sarcastic reply when shit gets hard."

"Oh, I'm so honoured to be at of service." She bowed.

"Freak." He looked at her.

"Hey, those are not the kind words of someone who said he needs me." She jabbed her finger into his chest.

"I take it back, damn."

"Thank you, I'm not a freak."

"Meant the other thing."

"Argh." She scoffed, folding her arms. "Fine, guess I'll ride with Aaron and Morgan, I know when I'm clearly not wanted." She went to walk away, but he pulled her back by the arm.

"Nah, you ain't, hop on, I wanna get home." He told her, letting go so he could mount the motorcycle.

"If I must." Natalia rolled her eyes in a joking manner. "Also, you ever try to steal my sacrifice again, I'll kill you myself. You're important to me, Daryl Dixon, and I need you too."

"Alright." He nodded in agreement, but he had no intention of keeping it.

When they got back to Alexandria, Spencer opened the gate for them.

"Who's this?" He asked, pointing at Morgan, as Natalia got off of Daryl's bike.

"Morgan, Morgan, meet Spencer, he's the boss ladies son." Natalia introduced each other.

"Where is everyone?" Aaron asked.

"A meetings being held, Rick lost it yesterday, pulled a gun on the people, him and Pete got into it before that."

"The surgeon?" Natalia asked.

"Yeah, over Jessie or something, they're debating whether they should kick him out or not, walkers got in, he fought them off, brought one back to the firepit." Spencer caught them up on the immediate details of what they had missed.

"Let's go." Daryl said, heading in the direction of the firepit.

They got to the scene, most of the Alexandrians were gathered, crying and hyperventilating, Reg was bleeding out from a slit throat, Deanna held him as he took his last breathes.

Pete was restrained on the ground by Abraham.

"Rick, do it." Deanna sobbed.

Without hesitation, he shot the man who had murdered Reg.

"Rick?" Morgan asked, as him, Aaron, Natalia and Daryl stood outside the gate, taking in what had just happened.

The old friends stared at each other in shock, of seeing each other again, especially like this.

Tags: @fallenkitten

Next

[teaspoonnebula]

The Stockbroker's Clerk Part 1 Thoughts

It's been a little while since I've felt I had the spoons to write some commentary as I read, but here goes!

I heard a ring at the bell, followed by the high, somewhat strident tones of my old companion's voice.

I always appreciate the descriptions of Holmes' voice as being high pitched - not often something that carries through to adaptations, but a fun detail that is fairly consistent.

That, along with the fact that Holmes doesn't seem to grow facial hair even when he potentially hasn't shaved for days is a popular point of detail for trans Holmes headcanons.

“I do my neighbour's when he goes. He is always ready to work off the debt.”

I hope that Watson's neighbour has his own detective who keeps whisking him off on improbable crime solving adventures.

“In an instant.” I scribbled a note to my neighbor, rushed upstairs to explain the matter to my wife, and joined Holmes upon the door-step.

As a former client of Holmes' who fell in love with Watson on a case, I always like to think that Mary doesn't love Watson despite him going off on this adventures, but because he does. She's married to a sweet, hunky knight errant who is a champion of justice, of course she has to let him do his thing.

a smart young City man, of the class who have been labeled cockneys, but who give us our crack volunteer regiments, and who turn out more fine athletes and sportsmen than any body of men in these islands.

Watson/ACD going out of his way here to extoll the virtues of the working class, which is interesting.

“‘Five hundred a year!’ I shouted.

£50 a year more than we're told Mycroft earns from his weird nebulous government job in Greek Interpreter

 I sat up half the night hugging myself over it,

Aww

A couple of hours at Day's Music Hall in the evening would do you no harm after your labors.’

Of COURSE I had to find out if this was a real place, and it was! It closed in 1893 and was demolished, to be replaced by the Empire Theatre, which was destroyed in WW2.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Sirius was so excited to move in with Remus. Suddenly everything felt real. It was happening. Sirius was going to have his own place. And he was going to share it with the love of his life. It was even more exciting that it was Alphard's old apartment. How many times Sirius wished he lived like his Uncle. It that a flat full of history, where so many things and parties had happened. Alphard surely had many memories there. Now it was Sirius' turn to make some more.

Sirius had been scared of leaving Hogwarts and not seeing his friends everyday. Scared of the Marauders breaking up. But Sirius wasn't scared anymore. Growing up didn't sound so bad actually.

"I'm really going to miss you, love"

Euphemia said as she helped Sirius pack. It had been incredible to spend a few years at The Potters. They had made Sirius feel welcome. They had treated him as part of the family. With The Potters, Sirius felt the love and care he hadn't received from his own parents. And now it was bittersweet to leave. But Sirius had to. He didn't want to be a burden anymore. Not matter what Effie or Monty said, Sirius wasn't actually their son.

"I'm going to miss you too, Effie" Sirius said, overwhelmed by Effie's words.

"You know... This will always be your home" Euphemia smiled "No matter what"

Sirius looked away and kept packing. Otherwise he was going to cry.

"Thank you very much for everything. I really loved living here for a while"

Sirius wanted to hug her. Effie had been so patient. She had listened to Sirius. She had comprehended him. With Effie, Sirius knew how it was to actually have a mother.

Sirius' body ached for a hug. Especially if Effie smiled at him like that. But Sirius was containing himself.

"It's definitely not fair!"

Luckily James crossed the door interrupting them.

"I wish I could move in with Lily" James sighed "But she says it is too soon..." he added "Is that my hoodie?"

Sirius grabbed it.

"It's mine now"

"Well it is too soon, James" Effie said, referring to the other thing "And it's different. Sirius is just moving in with his friend. Not his girlfriend"

Sirius was frozen. He hadn't had the opportunity to tell The Potters about him and Remus. Sirius actually didn't know how. Their opinion was very important to him. And it had been hard to tell his friends and the people his age. He imagined It would be worse with adults.

Sirius and James looked between each other.

Maybe this was the opportunity to tell Effie. When Sirius told her about his Uncle Alphard, she didn't judge. Perhaps she would take it well.

"Actually... Effie..."

"Yeah... Sirius' actual girlfriend is disappointed it is not her Sirius is moving in with"

James said it so quickly that Sirius didn't have time to stop him. And when he said it, Sirius was shocked.

Effie looked between the two.

"Actual girlfriend?" she looked at Sirius "Are you dating someone, love?"

Sirius was going to kill James Potter.

"Ehhmm..."

"Yeah Marlene..." James nodded nervously.

"Marlene McKinnon?" Effie asked.

"Eh... We are just getting to know each other better" Sirius explained nervously as well.

Fuck. Sirius had been willing to tell Effie about Remus but James had fucked it up. Now Effie was smiling so widely that Sirius didn't want to break the spell.

"That's lovely!" Effie exclaimed happily "Marlene is such a good girl. I've known her since she was little... I always thought she would end up with James"

Marlene was an absolute lesbian.

"Eew... I mean I'm in love with Lily" James said trying to avoid Sirius' intense gaze.

"But I guess the heart wants what it wants" Effie smiled.

Sirius faked a smile.

"Uuuh!..." Effie added "How about we invite your girls for dinner this weekend?"

"What?" James asked.

"Yeah I was planning to invite sweet Lily over" Effie added "Why not invite Marlene since she is with Sirius?"

"I... I don't think..."

"Lovely!" James screamed "Mummy... I am hungry. Can you tell Maaike to prepare us something?"

"For God sake's, James. Why don't you tell her yourself?" Effie tutted.

James picked up a random clothing from the floor.

"I'm helping Sirius pack"

"Bloody hell, this kid"

Effie buffed with her hands on her hips. But she left the room but not before giving Sirius a big smile. Sirius smiled back.

When Effie was gone, Sirius have James a hateful look.

"What the fuck, Potter?" Sirius snapped "Marlene?"

"I panicked!"

"Marlene is a lesbian!!" Sirius said as James hushed him "And I am with Remus... I am moving in with him... I love him"

"Okay..." James tried to calm Sirius down. He closed the door so they could speak more freely.

"I know my parents pretty well...." James sighed "And they are good people and excellent parents... But they are a bit old fashioned"

Sirius was surprised.

"What do you mean?"

James looked down.

"They grew up in a different time... They are a bit old..."

Sirius rolled his eyes "They are fine"

"You haven't heard them talking about gay people" James added embarrassed.

"What have they said about gay people?" Sirius asked.

"It's mostly Fleamont..." James explained, now sitting down in Sirius' bed "He doesn't particularly fancy seeing boys holding hands on the street or men acting feminine.. He gets nervous around all that. He doesn't say anything. He just tenses... I've seen it"

Sirius sat down as well, mainly to process what he was hearing.

"And Effie just expects the boy and girl romance only. She has a misconception of what being gay actually is. The only gays she knows are the ones from salons" James sighed "I've been impartial about the subject but ever since Marlene came out and you and Remus started dating... I notice these things more. I get more pissed about them.... I'm sorry. I am just protecting you. I don't want you to be upset about how they would react"

Sirius was silent. It wasn't fair. James was open about his relationship with Lily. And his parents even teased him about it. But Sirius couldn't be honest about who he actually fancied.

Sirius was tired of hiding away. Sirius was tired of constantly being worried about other people's opinions. At Hogwarts Sirius was seen as a completely new person since people discovered he was dating Remus. Sirius was tired of giving explanations about his sexuality, even though Sirius didn't know it himself.  And expected to be weak and feminine only because he fancied a boy.

Sirius loved being with Remus. He was absolutely in love him. But how hard it was to actually date him. Only because they were both boys.

"We are going to find a way to tell them, Pads" James added with a worried expression "I promise"

Sirius sighed "It's okay..." It really wasn't "I just don't know who is going to be more angry with you, Prongsie, Remus or Marlene?"

************

"James did what???!?"

Remus wasn't happy when Sirius told him the news over the phone later that night.

"I was going to tell them, Moony" Sirius said "But apparently, even The Potters are homophobic... Nobody is safe"

Remus sighed.

"They are very important to you, Sirius" he said "If you want to tell them, you should. Even if they don't agree. They have to know every part of you in order to fully accept you"

"James says we are going to drop the bomb tomorrow at dinner" Sirius explained "He is going to help me. We are going to easy the way in with lots of wine for Mr. and Mrs. Potter..."

Remus chuckled.

"You need to be there, Moons"

"I thought this was a couples' dinner night?"

"You are my actual boyfriend. And I want you to be there" Sirius said "So I can hold your hand when I tell Effie and Monty who I am actually head over heels for.... And brag about it"

"I love how confident you are getting... And it's making me horny"

Sirius chuckled.

"Love you, Pads"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat everytime Remus said it. Sirius loved Remus so much, he didn't understand why this was seen as a crime, as a bad thing. It didn't matter that Remus was a boy. Actually it didn't matter what gender Remus was. Sirius was in love with Remus Lupin.

And that was it.

"I love you too" Sirius said "Does this mean you are coming?"

Remus laughed and Sirius smiled, wishing he could be next to Remus and kiss the side of his mouth while he laughed. It was his favorite thing to do.

"If you want me there, then I'll be there"

Sirius smiled.

*******************

Fleamont finished telling his story, and everyone laughed and clapped. Fleamont always had the best stories to tell. They weren't only interesting, but it was the way he told them that made them funny. He made voices and all. James definitely got Monty's sense of humor.

But Sirius couldn't enjoy it. Because he was nervous. He was trying to find the right moment to stand up and tell Effie and Monty the truth. But he never dared. Effie kept looking between Sirius and Marlene and smiling. This was so hard.

"Is it okay that I invited Remus?" Sirius had asked when dinner started.

"Oh no problem, love" Effie answered smiling at Remus "The more the merrier" she said. Sirius almost grabbed Remus' hand in front of her

"Is Marlene coming?" she asked and Sirius' stopped. Remus was sad.

"She is coming later"

Wasn't it obvious that the person he wanted here was right next to him? The whole time Sirius hadn't even looked at Marlene. Marlene was only his friend. And she was a lesbian.

"Sirius... Hey, Sirius!!"

Sirius only reacted when Remus tapped his shoulder.

"What?"

"I was asking you the smash potatoes, you freaking.... I mean, are you deaf?"

Marlene wasn't acting particularly as Sirius' lover. And The Potters were not stupid.

Sirius passed the bowl to Marlene.

"Thank you..." she smiled "You wanker" she added whispering.

James giggled nervously and stuffed more food in his mouth.

"The food is great" he said with his mouth full "Is so great, isn't it?"

James was even more nervous than Sirius.

"Yeah..." Lily smiled, changing the subject "Is this an Arabic dish, Effie?"

"Yeah it is actually..."

As Effie began explaining, Sirius leaned to whisper in Remus' ear.

"I'm sweating... I think even my genitals are sweating"

"Stop saying things to make me horny"

Sirius chuckled. They both giggled silently.

"I'm nervous too" Remus added "Here... Hold my hand"

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand under the table. Fingers intertwined. It was incredible how Remus made Sirius' heart beat fast but at the same time, he made him feel more calm.

"They are going to accept us"

Sirius sighed.

"Because you make me happy"

Remus smiled.

"And you make me happy"

"So Marlene..." Effie said, gaining the attention towards her "How long have you and Sirius been dating?"

Sirius dropped Remus' hand out of instinct. Marlene chocked with her food. Then she laughed.

"Oh no Sirius and I...." she shook her head.

"They are friends trying to figure things out!" James exclaimed and then chunked a gulp of water.

Marlene narrowed her eyes. She looked between Sirius, Remus and James confused. Sirius squeezed Remus' hand harder.

"Wait... Is this why I am here?" Marlene asked

So she didn't know?

"Oh my God!"

"Didn't James explain it to you?" Sirius asked. James had been the one to call Marlene.

"No... No he didn't..."

All eyes went to James. His cheeks were full of food and he stopped chewing when he noticed. Lily sighed beside him.

"Okay... What is going on?" Fleamont raised an eyebrow.

"What? Nothing..." Sirius tried to smile.

"We might be old but we are not stupid" Effie tutted "Would you tell us what is happening?"

Nobody moved or said anything for a few seconds. Sirius knew he had to say something but he was kind of frozen. He was still squeezing Remus' hand.

James swallowed his food. And he stood.

"Okay... God dammit. I lied... I lied... I said so many things... I... This is all on me... Okay?"

Sirius rised from his chair without thinking about it.

"No, Prongs.... It is me who has to explain this"

Effie and Monty turned their eyes towards Sirius. And he felt a knot on his throat.

Sirius looked at Remus and he gave him such a comforting smile that Sirius felt more confident.

"I... I am not dating Marlene..." Sirius started carefully "I am actually... I am dating Remus..."

It was pure silence after that. It felt like time stopped for second. Effie was observing them in a serious expression. And Fleamont was thinking of what to say. Everything was awkward until Marlene added.

"And I am... into girls, by the way..."

"Oh" Effie smiled embarrassed "Why didn't you tell us that? Why did you lie?"

"To be fair, I didn't know this was happening..." Marlene shrugged "I just came here for the delicious food"

"It was me" James added "I lied for them..."

"Why did you do that?" Fleamont asked.

"Because I didn't know how you were going to react" James looked down embarrassed "You are a bit old fashioned"

"Are you calling me old?" Fleamont asked, which made everyone laugh breaking the tension.

"You're kind of old" James whispered.

"Look how disrespectful your son is, Effie" Fleamont tutted.

Effie smiled.

"To be honest we've been suspecting about Sirius and Remus for quite a long time now"

Fleamont nodded to confirm it.

"Really?" Sirius asked.

"You shared beds everytime Remus stayed here, your face lit up everytime you talked about him, you were closer, the two of you...you invited him tonight.. I kept telling Monty there was something between you two"

"Effie insisted on making this dinner party to uncover the truth" Fleamont added.

Sirius and Remus smiled embarrassed.

"What we didn't expect was Marlene liking.... Liking girls" Effie added.

Marlene's cheeks turned red.

"I do tend to give surprises" she smiled.

"So what do you think?" Sirius asked curiously "About me and Remus... Do you fancy the idea?"

Effie and Monty looked between each other.

Yes, they knew about them but it didn't mean they accepted it.

"You do tend to be homophobic" James added.

"James..." Lily protested.

"It's true"

"Homo... What?" Fleamont asked.

"It means people that hate on gay people" Remus explained "Not that you are... Or anything"

Fleamont sighed "I have to admit I am new with this whole thing. Sometimes I see it as an odd thing... It is because I am not used to seeing... that kind of people... as often... Effie is more open about it"

"The important thing is that you are happy, loves. No matter who you date" Effie smiled "Sorry if we ever made you feel bad or unwanted..."

Remus shook his head.

"I've always felt welcomed here, Mr. and Mrs. Potter"

"Effie and Monty, please"

"Effie and Monty..." Remus smiled embarrassed "Sirius... Sirius loves you as if you were his parents..." Remus smiled at Sirius ". So impressing you is not only important to him. But to me as well. And I just want to let you know that I love him, and I am not going to hurt him. So you don't need to worry about it...."

How could someone be so perfect and make Sirius feel so many things at the same time? Remus hadn't spoken much tonight. But everything he had said had been perfect. And it felt incredible. Sirius knew he could never properly introduce Remus to his real parents. But this, what Remus had said had been the perfect thing he could've said to them. Fortunately Effie and Monty were the closest thing Sirius had to parents.

So Sirius kissed Remus now. He couldn't take it anymore. And he had been wanting to do that all night.

"Oh!" Effie exclaimed.

Fleamont cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Surely times have changed" he said.

Sirius broke apart embarrassed.

"Sorry"

Remus was smiling. Then Sirius smiled. And everyone smiled. They slowly began laughing. Until everything felt normal again and everything was fine.

"Not to be homophobic or anything but it is quite disgusting when you do that" Marlene said.

"I think it is adorable" Lily smiled.

"I prefer that than James drooling for Lily all the time" Fleamont said making everyone laugh.

Lily blushed embarrassed.

"Oh shut up, old man" James protested.

"You disrespectful brat..." Fleamont tutted.

Sirius was so happy and relaxed now. He could be free with Remus. At least around The Potters. Which was good, because he was planning on visit them a lot.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand, on top of the table now and he felt a rush of adrenaline. It felt so good.

Remus smiled.

"I love you" he mouthed.

Sirius smiled too.

"Love you more"

Remus looked so happy as well. They had hidden for so long. This was a relief.

"Now that we know about you two..." Effie said "we will have to talk about boundaries, and that sharing of beds..."

Sirius and Remus weren't the only ones that went red. Fleamont did it as well. And he moved in his seat uncomfortably. Perhaps it would take him some time to get used to it. But he was trying. He was definitely not like Orion.

"Effie, we are living together..."

Effie gapsed "And we definitely have to chat about that..."

Remus laughed. Sirius smiled because he was happy. His real parents would never accept Remus. They didn't even care who he dated and what made him happy as long as it didn't stain the Family name. Too late for that. Effie and Monty were like parents to Sirius. Sirius was happy that at least them accepted him for who he was. And that was more than enough.

[lorei-writes]

Recently I've been feeling things that refused to be put into words. I don't think I can do that now, to be honest. Anything that comes to my mind is both too big and too small all at once. But then there's only trial and error. So let's try.

The topic: this place.

Now, this isn't any announcement. It's nothing particularly dramatic either. My assumption is that this will not be of interest to anybody. I suppose the only reason why I write this is that... I have always done that and, on the off-chance of there being one person who would be curious to listen, it is only fair. Perhaps it is just my hoping that there is such a person. I don't know. I don't think I can know now.

For starters, it is very hard to describe precisely what I experience without hiding behind words. Without telling things as I wish they could be told -- but then, then that would be false.

One of the recent feelings was that this place is, well, somewhere between states. That it used to be one thing, that things changed, and that now the overarching assumption is that I am going somewhere else and abandoning what was.

*sigh* And that's the part that I don't understand. Things have always been changing... And I'm conflicted, because I'm trying to find a way to navigate it all.

For one thing, it is wonderful to feel a surge of joy. I'm so happy to have found a new little interest to pursue. I'm happy to be able to take things, to create with them, to explore new possibilities... But at the same time, it doesn't mean that I'm moving away from the quiet familiar joys I once had. Surely, the ratio of them may change... But it isn't my intention to step away from them. If anything, I want to find a way to have both the old and the new. I don't want to choose when I don't even see it as a choice.

But, I don't know how to accomplish that. I don't know what sets of rules to impose and I presume simplifying them will be an ordeal in and of itself... And what is worse, I expect that the more things I like, the harder this will get.

This ties with another feeling I have. It... Well. There was a time I thought I'd be happy if I had more -- more recognition, more appreciation, more friends. Now I realise I'm at the receiving end of overwhelming amounts of kindness. I think I get more than my far share of appreciation, and I'm fairly certain most people I know in real life have not been given nearly as much. I'm beyond grateful, but here... Here again is where I lose my balance.

I write plenty. I do art. I make edits. I crack jokes. I ramble about meta. All are the means of sharing joy to me. The happier I am, the more passionate I am, the more of those I do. I know I can go on, and on, and on, and that I may be rather tireless at times.

I wouldn't call myself a popular writer. I don't think most people would realise if I disappeared one day... And in a way, I am thankful for that. Because, due to the sheer volume of my joy, I am swept away and overwhelmed by your kindness.

The key word is overwhelmed.

But how could I not want it? How could I not appreciate it? I love hearing from you guys. I love it when we talk. I love it when we are silly together, when we throw headcanons around, when we theorise or build each other up. It's precious. It's great. I don't want you to stop. I wish I could talk with more of you... But it also is so, so, so much. I don't want to grow indifferent to any of that, even if my -- or well, the human -- brain was not meant to handle such amounts of gratification.

But how do I balance it? What do I change to stay true to myself?

I need to figure that out. I want to believe that there is some sweet spot where I can share my joy while also remaining as I am... But I may need some time. Truth be told, getting more than 50 interactions per day is plenty, and the last month we never dropped below that. Not once.

*sigh, again* A part of me misses the time when there was just a couple of people here, partially because nothing felt as serious then. I love it when I'm talked to like just to any other person. I dislike any artificial distance being put in place -- and this is why we don't celebrate follower milestones. I appreciate you. I just noticed that the last time we did celebrate... assumptions were made. Lenses of superficial metrics be damned.

But, again, as much as I'm overwhelmed with kindness I receive, I do not want for any person to go. I do not want to be left alone. I do not want to push people away, even if it is just one me and plenty others.

There must be some way... And it is so terribly greedy of me, but I want to find it. I want to crack this puzzle... Even if nobody was to care about it ever being a puzzle in my head.

[orbleglorb]

tillman henderson 4 tha song lyric thing

i don't know if you are the same person who usually recommends tillman for ask games on anon. but i like to think you are

okay this first one is gonna sound dumb. just hear me out

You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?" You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?" And you may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?" And you may say to yourself, "My God, what have I done?"

-- once in a lifetime by the talking heads

this next one can fit several of my blorbos. including tillman

He was my hero back when I was a kid You let me down but Chavo never once did You called him names to try to get beneath my skin Now your ashes are scattered on the wind I heard his son got famous, he went nationwide Coast-to-coast with his dad by his side I don't know if that's true but I've been told It's real sweet to grow old

-- the legend of chavo guerrero by the mountain goats