#I've been with my partner for 10 years. this is how we talk to eachother

[deoidesign]

something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."

like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...

[backjustforberena]

Ugh that scene! Rips my heart out every time I rewatch it. I’m still baffled that was the first scene ever shot for the show and it was absolute gold.

I think what stands out most to me is the tension between them and how it parallels from their talk in episode 5 where they pull eachother closer. But here they separate themselves, leaning back in their chairs etc. It’s such an interesting contrast to me and you can tell they both don’t want to be having this conversation here and now, after their daughter has died. But guilt and grief have rubbed their resolves away and Rhaenys doesn’t hold back on how she really feels. There’s a beautiful tragedy in it and when she tries to reach out and he pulls away it rips my heart into a million pieces.

I could easily do an hour-long interview with Steve Toussaint and only talk about that scene (I'd say Eve as well, obviously, but Steve is the one who has socials and is going to cons so I'm attempting to be realistic). I'm fascinated by how that must have been approached, mapped out, and taken from script to screen. It's so layered and so well done and the dialogue could have gone so many ways, depending on actor intention.

There's such a quiet tragedy about it. It's so sad because there's so much pain and it's all condensed and repressed and it's all futile, that it only leaves this wound in this marriage. And it's silent. There's no score. There's no crowd. They don't interrupt one another, they never talk over one another. All you hear, when they don't speak, is the fire crackling and the wind howling. A pin could drop.

And I think what's so lovely (and heartbreaking) is that they never, during the course of that conversation, want to hurt one another. Nothing is said to deliberately inflict pain on their partner. They so want to meet in the middle and pull one another close (like in Episode 05) but the pair of them are in two much pain and for the first time aren't able to be on the same page. They can't understand one another, they aren't in the same place.

I've said it before but Corlys needed a great humbling, which is what we get in Episode 10 with his injuries and his six-year absence. Rhaenys had had hers years ago at the Great Council.

But yeah, the body language throughout. The way they don't face one another to start with, then do. Then Rhaenys looks away from Corlys. Even turns her body away as he sits down, on the edge of his seat, fully facing towards her. Then as she turns to him, he sits back and looks at the fire. And the shot with their hands... urgh.

Beautiful. As I said, I'd love to know how that scene was built up. What was in the script, what was on the day, what the options were, and how Miguel saw the scene as well. And as you said... first day. Talk about hit the ground running.

[herlifethewayitis]

You changed me. ❤️

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my growth and how this man has played a role in it. We've been together for almost 2 years now (December 16th will be 2 years) and it's been the greatest surprise of my life.

You don't consider how one person can be the game changer for your entire life.

You're entire being.

During the days that I'm struggling, I have to look back at how I've grown. Here's the timeline of our love, our journey... the love for myself, and my journey.

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ACQUAINTANCES - The first contact

November 08, 2021 - 9:17AM.

This was a very special day, even though we were only friends. We discussed our love for music, which we both had no idea, that today, we'd be doing together.

We spent lots of time talking about music for a couple days. He sent me video files of his music. At the time I was still married and we never saw eachother as a potential love partner.

Silence, for a month.

December 2021.

The beginning of this month, I was newly single.

Heart-broken.

A mess.

Defeated.

Unhealthy.

Toxic.

Ugly.

Longing for love.

And there you were. In a Discord voice channel with me and a group of our friends. I didn't want to be alone. I had to be around others. I was scared. I was lonely. I hated myself. I hated my circumstances. I felt like a disappointment.

But... you were there.

Every person in the call was kind... we laughed a lot, played games... and you had to go to bed because you had work early. But you had noticed I looked sad and you asked if I was okay before you left. I nodded yes, with tears in my eyes; we all said goodnight and off you went.

I was too broken to even share what was going on, but the next afternoon, I messaged you while we were all in Discord again hanging out. I shared that I was newly single and hurting.

You had nothing but kind and supportive words. There was no flirtation, but in two instances, you were there for me and showed care more than any person had in our friend group.

We often played games on each of the nights we all spent together. But this night... this one was special.

This is the night we knew we truly knew we had a friendship building... but felt something more. Was it too soon? Absolutely. But my heart was longing for yours and I didn't even realize it.

We played Golf With Your Friends. Purposely, I would forget my turn just so I could hear you say my name.

"Mandii, it's your turn."

and with each time I heard you say my name, I felt my heart beat a little faster.

It was in those moments, we kept locking eyes with one another and then starts the private messaging, again.

BUILDING A STRONGER CONNECTION.

We messaged a lot for a few days, and then we exchanged numbers. We had to talk through WhatsApp, as he was overseas and that would have been really expensive had we texted through our phone services.

Through the course of 10 days, we shared our stories, he heard my pain, he encouraged me, he loved on me in a very friendly way. But, then we started connecting so closely that we started to compliment each other's looks. I couldn't not tell him how handsome he was and every time... his response melted my soul.

"You're gorgeous."

I knew that getting out of a marriage half a month ago and jumping into a new relationship immediately is very frowned upon, but I couldn't help how I felt about him.

We had a conversation about dating and of course, being overseas in a long-distance relationship is never ideal, because, will we ever meet?

December 16, 2021.

During the morning of this day, I woke up still feeling so broken, but I also was so excited to wake up to a message from him. I knew that he was off around 8am my time, which was 2pm his time.

He had said "Good morning, Mandii. I hope you slept well." There was an instant smile. I messaged back wishing him a good day, with full hearts in my eyes.

He had told me about how he was out shopping with his mom and she had bought him a new mouse and keyboard for his computer. He talked about how they went to Burger King and he sent me a picture of the two of them together.

I melted.

To see a man love his mother so deeply and have a close relationship with her is so heart-warming.

He got back home, and we texted more. He sent me pictures of his new keyboard and mouse, and I told him that I really liked him.

We opened the discussion about dating again because I had asked if he'd thought about it.

He told me that he could see that I do care about him and that I am very invested...and he said he wanted to start dating me.

I felt... so happy, but yet, still broken.

He made me feel alive. Wanted. Needed. We sent selfies to one another throughout the days and I felt so alive and seen, that I did my makeup for him because I knew he'd actually appreciate me for wanting to look pretty for him.

That was something I'd never experienced with anyone before.

And this was the start of us. ❤️

New Years Eve.

New Years Eve was rocky. Rocky is even an understatement.

It started with fun, love, friends and wine. We hung out with our friends, laughed, listened to music and drank to ring in the New Year, and for me, alcohol can be my biggest enemy.

I was separated from my ex-husband but still living in the house. It was turmoil. He knew I was dating someone and he was angry, rightfully, so we fought a lot, daily.

As we laughed, I drank another glass. With each glass, I laughed more, opened up more to my friends and also, expressed more of the feelings I had for Tobi.

And another glass.

And another.

Another one.

1st wine bottle, empty.

Then comes the danger. I'm still conscious enough of what I'm doing and saying, but another bottle is opened.

Tobi warns me to be careful and expresses his concern for me as he can see me unraveling like a ball of yarn that is unwoven enough that if you drop it out of your hand, it will become entangled and a mess.

...and a mess I was.

The second bottle opens and within 20 minutes, that bottle was about polished off.

I was in tears, I was having anxiety attacks, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Where it was just the friend group, it turned into my mom, my best friend and others I needed there for support to get through it.

Where I dig deeper on this, with every pour, it was as if every emotion hidden deeply in my heart, was being poured out of me. Alcohol seems to push everything out of me in the worst ways.

I didn't know how I was going to get through a divorce, manage a new relationship, figure out how to be a single mom, live on my own and just... live... be alive.

2022.

This entire year was filled with so much pain, but also, so much love.

I started a new job where I was making more than enough money to sustain myself, but my self-confidence was still so slim-to-none that I couldn't even bring myself to find success there. I failed my state exams and I continued to sink.

The income sustained me enough for me to find an apartment and move into the place that would be so cold and empty for the next year and a half.

Just me, my desk and empty rooms with some boxes.

This was the most painful of every moment since the separation between my ex-husband and I, up until this point.

This is where it gets dark.

MY LITTLE GIRLS.

For little girls, they should see the a world of magic. They have an innocence about them at 6 and 3 (at the time). They just want Barbie's and juice boxes.

Unfortunately for my little girls, they didn't just have those things. They also gained a broken family, moreover, a broken mom and dad.

Separate homes.

New rooms.

New schedules.

A lack of normalcy.

Anger.

Hurt.

Confusion.

All of the back and forth was the worst. For them, confusing, for me, lonely and pain-filled.

I hated the thought that I wouldn't see my girls but select days of the week and I hated more that it was actually happening.

I know a lot of this middle text is mostly about myself and doesn't show a lot of the man I love and how he impacted me this time, but that will come soon.

I moved into this apartment with $100 to my name. I had to choose what that was going toward, and the easy answer, my kids.

I bought them beds, pillows and blankets. That's all I could afford.

On the nights I didn't have them, I slept on these beds.

On the nights I had them, I slept on the wood floor and they slept in their beds.

I had never cried more tears in my life than the nights I slept alone. I had Tobi on video calls with me day and night because I couldn't sit alone otherwise I'd really break.

Without him and my daughters, I'd be dead.

LOOKING UP? NOT. A. CHANCE.

I started working at Domino's Pizza as a delivery driver, and within a month, I was a manager of the store.

I loved the job. I thrived. I was happy, my bills were paid and this brought me some sort of normalcy.

I finally had made friends, and I call them family now.

During this time, I was proud of myself, Tobi was proud, and my family was proud. I worked so hard. Double shifts, I took deliveries and managed the store.

and then came August... 💔

THE BREAKUP.

During the previous 6 months that Tobi and I were together, we made plans for him to move from Germany to Michigan.

We were ecstatic.

We booked his plane ticket, he emptied and gave up his apartment, quit his job... we counted down the days.

He hopped on his first flight, got off, and went to get on his second flight and he was denied entry into the USA.

I cried.

When I say that I cried...

I sobbed.

My heart was so completely shattered that I couldn't breathe. I thought that this was the end and that he would never get here. I thought that our relationship wasn't meant to happen, that he was just a season in my life.

I also realized in this moment that I was so broken that I needed to get help for myself because if I didn't, I definitely wasn't going to be okay.

We sat on a call and we discussed what this meant for us. I cried for weeks, and weeks. Until, a month and a half later, I decided I could not handle being apart, the distance was just too much for my broken heart to handle.

We broke up.

He begged me to stay because I am the love of his life and he knew that I was the woman he wanted to marry and that I was breaking his heart.

and this is where I break even more.

END OF AUGUST 2022 - I LOST ME.

Being without the love of my life, I didn't know who I was anymore. Because I didn't know who I was, I became someone that I wasn't.

I posted revealing photos of myself online, I dated someone briefly who was just as broken as I was for one simple reason...

To cope with the fact that I was trash for leaving the one person who brought me to life.

...and because I left the love of my life, I died inside, all over again.

While I was co-existing with the world, I wanted to die on the outside too.

I received all of the WORST attention and died more.

I received messages from Tobi, who was furious because he knew this was not me and it certainly wasn't my heart.

Tobi and I went back and forth for weeks about what I was doing. My heart was in and out of the conversations.

One moment I was sure I wanted to be with him, then the next I was terrified of the distance.

I made him an option when I knew he was not, he was my person and that was all.

I played with his heart and his feelings. I was so mentally unstable that I couldn't think clearly for one second during this time.

We fought on a phone call and I begged him to take me back because I was afraid I would really kill myself.

He thought I was being manipulative, but in that moment, he didn't see that my pain was so real without him that I didn't want to be alive.

Some call that an unhealthy addiction to a person, I call that the realization that you've made such a deep wound within yourself for no good reason that you feel there's no other way out of the pain.

End of the phone call, the end of us, for now.

END OF NOVEMBER 2022.

I quit my job.

I broke things off with the guy I was dating.

I was done with life.

I called my kids, I told them I loved them.

I went to bed.

I laid in bed. I sobbed. I called Tobi on a video call and we fought. I told him that I was done with life. I told him that I was gonna kill myself.

All I wanted was to be with the love of my life because I knew that night that I made a grave mistake.

He sat in silence watching me grip onto my pillow and crying every tear I had left in me.

All I could say over and over was...

I love you.

I'm so sorry.

...and he looked at me and said...

I love you too.

I want you back.

We got back together. For 1 day.

TERMS OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

We set boundaries with one another and he listed out some terms for our relationship to be able to work.

Block the guy I was with.

File the Divorce papers with my ex-husband.

Seek therapy.

I agreed to these terms. I would have done anything to be with him.

BREAKING UP...AGAIN.

But after a day, his heart was conflicted. He realized everything that had happened that had lead to this and decided he didn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve it.

So there, I then cried, begged him to stay with me, told him he was the love of my life and I knew that he was who I wanted to marry one day... just as he said to me when I broke things off initially.

A week went by and again, I broke more.

I was done with life at this point.

I paced around my house, I looked in my medicine cabinet for pills I could take.

I looked for something that could end my life, for good.

I couldn't find anything.

I threw things at the walls, screamed into my pillows, called one of my close girl friends and cried. I told her about how badly I messed up and how badly I wanted him.

I had to be patient and allow his heart to heal if we were ever going to have a chance again.

Tobi and I messaged back and forth for the week and I apologized over and over for breaking his heart.

He told me he didn't love my anymore, that he didn't feel anything for me anymore.

Slowly I was falling into acceptance of what I had done. I accepted that I was trash, that I was a mistake to the world, that I was a horrible girlfriend for what I did, that there was no point in me trying to beg him anymore.

I sent him a long letter thanking him for the love he'd given me in the 6 months we were together and left him be.

I laid in bed the entire day in tears and prayed that God would send him back to me.

He called me that night, we talked, and we got back together, for good.

THE SPIRAL.

We got back together like nothing had ever changed and for a month every thing was good between us. He forgave me and we moved on.

There was still hurt, long discussions and trust was rebuilding.

While we rebuilt, I was still hurting so deeply inside from the beginning of the split from my ex-husband up until this point.

It felt as though my heart was taking hit after hit after hit.

It was almost as if every day to every other day that I was telling Tobi that my dark thoughts weren't going away.

I had the love of my life but I still wanted to die.

I found another job, and shortly after, I got extremely sick with pneumonia.

I couldn't work for almost a month. I couldn't pay my bills. I couldn't even afford the medication I needed to heal physically.

Tobi took care of me as best as he could emotionally and financially, but I needed help.

I felt extremely alone and exhausted in every way.

I started therapy, but it was just the beginning of my journey of healing.

My parents wanted to help, but I never asked because of my own pride. I assumed they wouldn't help.

THE CALL.

I called my ex-husband to say goodnight to my kids and that I loved them. Then I had a conversation with my sister to be transparent about how I was feeling, and she told my parents. I was beyond furious that she did, but I didn't know she did, until I heard Tobi yelling at me to wake up while we were on a video call.

I had fallen asleep because I had been coughing so badly for weeks that my sleep was extremely broken.

I woke up to him saying my Dad was on his way to my apartment.

I saw phone calls and text messages from my parents and siblings asking if I was okay and that they were on their way to me.

Not even 2 minutes after I woke up, I heard banging on my door.

I ran to the door, trying to breathe, opened the door, to see a cop with my parents and brother.

All I could say is "What the fuck is going on... what are you doing here? Why is there a cop at my door!"

I was furious.

My parents looked relieved but my Dad looked like he was going to die because he didn't know if I was going to answer the door and be alive, or if the cop was going to kick the door down and find me dead.

I was very much alive outwardly, but not on the inside.

The cop came in, sat with me and I cried.

He showed so much compassion because visually, with my apartment looking how it did, he could see the depression everywhere. With my tears, he could see my pain.

He had to ask if I needed any medical attention or psychiatric care.

I explained that I was very depressed and hurting, but I wasn't going to kill myself, I was just asleep.

The cop left after telling my parents I was okay, and then I went to the door to talk to my parents.

My dad was angry at Tobi, thinking that he was purposely ignoring his messages and thought that my mom was with holding information from him.

This was farthest from the truth.

This time, I was truly just sleeping and very sick.

Needless to say, I was very angry at my family. More than I was for feeling like they wouldn't support me in a time of desperate and real need.

I provided my parents with Tobi's information so they could easily contact him.

My parents went back home, and I got into bed and cried. I was so upset by the situation, and then went back to sleep.

Looking back, I know this was the right move, because really, I was suicidal. I just hadn't acted on it and I certainly wasn't going to tell my therapist this at the time.

I had fears of just being locked up in a hospital where I wouldn't truly get the help and healing I needed because the only way I'd get that is if I really made the effort to make changes in my life.

2023.

It's the start of 2023 and I'm starting to heal.

Therapy has been life changing just after a couple of months, I wasn't sick anymore, I started a new job, everything was amazing.

I thrived at my new job, got promoted 3 times within a month, my relationship with Tobi was blossoming.

This year we had plans to finally meet in person.

Plane ticket booked.

Got my Covid Shot.

Got my Passport.

I was so. ready. to. meet. my. man.

For the first time.

We were absolutely over the moon about the fact that we could actually be together and solidify us.

I struggled mentally still for the first 4 months of the year. Therapy was helping me process through everything I was going through inside so I wasn't internalizing it, but I knew I still needed more help.

LIFE CHANGING.

In May of 2023, I finally saw a psychiatrist. I got the answers I have been longing for my entire life.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder and was put on medication.

The medication was the immediate game changer that I needed so I could truly find me again.

All of the highs and lows made sense for once.

What I was experiencing was Mania and Depressive lows. When I was in a high, I was in a really bad high. When I was in a low, I was in a really bad low.

I would be up for 15-24 hours at a time, not sleeping and then I would crash hard. I went from being super loud, to crying so badly I wanted to die.

The anxiety attacks were paralyzing and made the depressive states so much worse.

But... with the medication, I feel more normal than I ever have.

Whatever normal is...

While I was feeling better, I dipped into a really bad low between April and July, even being on medication.

My job was giving me no more than 10 hours a week, if that because tax season was so slow.

I couldn't pay my bills. I couldn't live.

My parents had helped me once, and when I asked again out of shame, they gave again, but as a final helping with knowing that I would find financial security after that.

It helped a ton.

But a month later, I was still stuck. I ran a fundraiser, and only came up with half of my rent. I had to ask my parents for help again and they said no.

I explained my situation and told them I understood and didn't hold any resentment because they'd helped so much previously.

I ran the fundraiser for another week, praying that someone would help. My Dad called and told me that I was his daughter and he didn't want to see me struggling, so he helped me pay my rent again.

I was more thankful at this point that I was in tears. God provided, through my parents.

I still carry a ton of guilt because as an adult, I feel I shouldn't have to ask my Dad for help at 29 years old.

JULY 31, 2023.

This is the day that I hopped on a plane to meet the love of my life for the first time. This month was filled with fears, preparing, tears, laughs, excitement and love.

I had no idea what I was I was in for. I had so many fears that it was covering up the excitement.

What if I'm not who he thinks I am?

What if I'm not pretty enough?

What if he thinks I'm fat and hates my body?

What if we don't connect the same?

What if he really is catfishing me?

What if the rumors are true about him using me?

What if we absolutely despise one another?

Boy, were these lies above exactly what they are: lies.

I sat on a plane for 9 hours, traveling to meet my love.

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

I arrived in Germany, and we walked around eachother at the airport, trying to find eachother.

He texted me.

"Do you see a Subway?"

I was right next to it. I turned to my right and saw him. My body went cold. I couldn't believe it.

I had two thoughts in my mind:

He's so short. 🤣

He's so perfect. 🥰

and after asking him his first thoughts:

She's so tiny. 🤣

She's so pretty. 🥰

We looked at each other and smiled. He hugged me and immediately kissed me.

3 WEEKS OF BLISS. PURE. BLISS.

Every thought, every fear we had, was so unnecessary.

We connected instantly, I gained a new family, and we built beautiful memories together.

We spent time eating at different places, sight seeing, talking, snuggling, making love and moments I'll never forget for the rest of my life.

He made me feel special every second of every day.

While I loved going to the zoo, walking around his town, spending time with his family, trying all of the good foods of Germany... my favorite moments were the quiet moments when we were alone.

Whether that be at 3 in the morning sitting on a bench talking, or snuggling up in bed and just staring at one another. Memorizing every feature of his face, hearing his voice, remembering how his skin feels and how safe I felt just being with him.

We talked about our goals and dreams individually and what we wanted for us. Those were the times that I cherished the most. The quality time.

Every day that went by, what I thought I wanted became what I knew I want for us. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

THE PROPOSAL.

There's a million more things I could say that made this trip so special... but the day this day... is tattooed on my heart.

We woke up in the morning, he made me breakfast, I cried knowing that I had 2 days left before I had to go back home.

I spent those two days in tears and all I could say...

I don't want to leave.

But this day, I got dressed, did my makeup and decided to just embrace these final moments with him. It wasn't the end, it was just the beginning of our forever together.

We took a walk to the castle by his home like we did multiple times during this trip trip to just talk and spend more time together.

He took me to a beautiful part of the castle overlooking the river, and he proposed.

I cried like a baby. This moment was bliss. It was a dream. I couldn't believe that 2 years ago I was a broken mess and here I am this day so happy, so in love, so healthy mentally AND ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED.

WHAT!?

SEE YOU SOON, MY LOVE.

This was not a goodbye, but an emotional see you soon.

To spend a beautiful vacation with this man and then have to go back home was beyond heart-wrenching.

I felt like I was leaving the love of my life for good, even though it's not forever.

I could write a novel about those 3 weeks in detail and I truly believe that it's the most beautiful story anyone would ever read.

I slept on the entire plane ride home and every moment I was awake, I was filled with anxiety and crying my eyes out.

To think that I went from being so heart broken and believing I would never find love again, to finding my best friend and my soul mate still blows my mind.

While the first week back home was so, SO hard, We are now making plans for him to be here permanently. We are wedding planning and doing all the research possible so that he can be here.

HOW YOU HEALED MY HEART.

In our 2 year journey so far, it's been filled with pain, heart-ache, tears, darkness, laughs, love, hope and joy.

While much of this was a very personal journey, you made my heart whole.

You stuck around when no one else would. You showed me true love, compassion, empathy, grace, forgiveness, encouragement, and what it's like to have a genuine best friend. You've shown me that even though I'm a mother of two beautiful daughters, you are willing to take on the role of step father and take them as your own.

When you find the right person, they change the way you see the world. You see colors in your life that you'd never expect. Everything is brighter, and even when it's dark, that person provides a light for you and lifts you up even when you feel empty.

To say that I am the luckiest girl in the world is the biggest understatement I have ever heard.

Thank you, my love. I cannot wait to spend my life with you, build a family, buy a home with you and make more memories that we will cherish forever.

[megafaunatic]

Hey! I hope you don't mind but I devoured your Untamed works on AO3 (except for "If You Were Made For Me", I admit, because it has a Sad Ending and right now I can't bear with that. I just want them to be happy and fluffy domestic together. They have been through enough and so have I! But I inted on reading it when I'm on a better headspace). Your Wangxian writing is the BEST I've found and I absolutely ADORE how you write their dynamics. I would like to say especially your interactions (1/10)

between Lan WangJi and the Jiang siblings, but honestly, you write all their dynamics, espacially family ones (my faves!) so wonderfully and it's really such a treat! Also, I love SO much how you write Jiang Cheng! I think your portrayal of him is so spot on and perfect. I loved his interactions with WWX and LWJ on "Linger in the Sun", I really re-read many times because it was so beautiful, and don't get me started on the explanations both give to WWX! I also especially loved (2/10)

"You, Asleep and Dreaming" because of the sheer domesticity, how WWX helps around Cloud Recess and his efforts are welcome and appreciated, the non-sexual intimacy is absolutely beautiful, how much they appreciate and adore eachother and, let me tell you, the way WWX's complexes and traumas are portrayed? LWJ's support and care for him? It hit home, like, hard. I had to breathe for a sec there. It reminded me so much of my parter and I there. The relationship you portray is such a (3/10)

beautiful, realistic, healthy one. I love that for them. Is exactly how I imagine them and what they deserve. I love it. Also, they are so CUDDLY!! They love to cuddle so much and I love to cuddle that much too, so I just ENJOY it SO much! They take every small chance they can they can to cuddle and I'm LIVING for it!! I'm right there with you, guys!! My partner is always so surprised by how much I love cuddles and we have been together for years! But I think probably my favourite one is (4/10)

"Grand Pianos Crash Together". It focuses on their relationship, but it also shows how they have people around how loves them and who they love too (the conversations between LWJ and LQR and LXC?? Do you know what you have done to my heart??????LXC saying sometimes love isn't enough is something I've said for years and it really hit, man, it really hit, specially in his context. Damn), and that doesn't keep them from choosing a path they are happier in and also some (5/10)

PRIVACY, aside from JC crashing in, but it leads to 100/10 interaction so I'm quite cool with it. I abslutely loved WWX going "I should have married you at that stupid temple. Our families were already there", wich also makes me wonder how their wedding would be. In most of your writings, in the ones where they en up together, you always have them want to get married (obvs!!) but they never are shown doing it and I can't help but be all giddy imagining their families there, everyone there (6/10)

just being together, interacting, showing their different levels of support for their loved ones (LXC and JC being brothers with WWX and LWJ TT_TT and don't get me started on LQR, the juniors, Wen Ning...). In my head I've mixed all your writings (except the Sad Ending one). I really love Shi and Guang and all your OCs and would love to know more about them (and I'm usually weary of people's OCs in fanfics. A bad habit, I know) but I imagine that LXC is the one taking over the Chief (7/10)

Cultivator role due to me wanting him to open up to the world again and not to punish himself for what JGY did (I want him to he happy!!) and I think that experience also gave him a better understanding of the world and people without losing his heart that could really make him so good. Wen Ning is everyone's friends because he's a sweetheart and he deserves it. A mix of "It's Only Time", "GPCT", "Y,AaD" and "Linger in the Sun" happens and they are hella domestinc and fluffy traveling (8/10)

around and teaching the juniors when the oportunity comes here and there, while visiting their friends and just being happy together, in eachother's arms. OH! ALSO!! They marry, but because of you and your portrayal of JC and WWX working to rebuild their relationship I wonder: both dreamed since they were kids of their sister's wedding (CUTE), so does JC do the same for WWX? Does he try his best to make his wedding perfect? Does that help to ease his and LWJ relationship? Does LXC want (9/10)

to help to? (Also, conversation between LXC and JC about their brothers?????? YES PLEASE!!!!) Do the juniors or even LQR want to help? How do WWX and LWJ feel about all this people loving them so fiercely? This is probably the most important part of what I wanted to tell you, just how much I love and appreciate your work and how happy is making me. Right now my country is on quarantine, I can't with my partner, but you are making this so much better and easyer for me. Thank you. Really.(10/10)

OOOOMG... Good morning tumblr user faraige!!!! This was so amazingly sweet to receive, I don't know what to say 🥺🥺🥺 Thank you so much for reading my fics & for appreciating them so deeply! I'm so honored by your love for them, and I'm glad my writing spoke to you like this!! That's all I really want 🥺💛

also I definitely want to write LXC & JC talking abt their brothers at some point. I don't really care for x.icheng in particular, but I think they have... a lot to talk about... in the end of the story they're both left behind, full of grief and anger and betrayal that they're not necessarily "allowed" to feel, overshadowed by the accomplishments/successes/redemption/happy endings of their brothers, having been in the wrong all along. There's a lot there!! WOO!!!

OK I ALSO do want to encourage you to read "If you were made for me" because it does have a sad ending BUT, LIKE, it exists within the canon timeline so you know they get a happy ending EVENTUALLY...!!! And it has some scenes & exchanges that I'm really very proud of :')

WAH ANYWAY this was such an amazingly kind series of messages, thank you so much!!! 🥺 I hope you get to see your partner soon, and I hope we ALL get out of quarantine safely & quickly!!

[mahbonesmccoy]

Valentine's surprise (Severus/reader one shot)

So sorry. I know Valentine's day is over but naaah. Better late than nothing. Here's my one shot of Sevy the bean queen.

--

In February 14, 2012, I forced myself to work during midnight. I am a professor and I sadly have no time for Valentine's day. I dont even have a partner anyway! During that time, I risked my health just so I could finish my unchecked papers. I've been procrastinating for the past few weeks because of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows! I was sort of... Not satisfied. Voldemort's death is rendered differently and it frustrates me but Snape's death made me weep like a babe.

As I finally finished my work in 2 A.M, there's an odd noise coming from my Garden. I suddenly felt strange and scared and so I grabbed a kitchen knife and sneaked out to my garden. To my surprise, I saw a figure laying down on the grassy ground. He was clad in black and... So familiar. I immediately dropped my knife elsewhere and rushes towards the man to help him.

I accidentally touched his neck and I heard a little noise coming out from his mouth. "Sorry." I muttered and I suddenly realised that my hand was stainted with blood! Panicking, I slowly roll the man to lay him down on his back properly for me to check his wounds and.... I went silent. Am I dreaming? What is this?! I slapped myself so hard that it hurts so much and enough to wake me up but I didn't!

After my self-realization, I immediately and carefully guide him inside my house and put him down on the couch. I can't believe it's Alan Rickman in my Garden dressed as Snape! I rushed to my bathroom and took my medical kit to tend his wounds on his neck. Again, with sudden realisation, he was bitten by a snake. His chances might be thin and I'm no doctor. But I also can't risk to let anyone or the public, in general, see him!

I crossed my fingers during the days I took care of him and hopefully he will be fine. He slept well after 3 days of suffering yet he was still pale and sick. 4 days later, I decided to abandon my sleep schedule again so he can rest on my bed and I can do my work all night long. Unfortunately, I was very sleepy and I nearly slept on my desk if Mr. Rickman or Snape didn't appear behind me, pointing his wand at me with a threatening look.

"Who are you. I dont wish to sound ungrateful but I want answers." He said with his usual deep voice. Panicking, I jumped out of my chair and raised both of my hands.

"Im no threat, believe me. You just suddenly appeared at my Garden!"

"... I see. But you haven't answered my question yet."

"(y/n)"

"Interesting... A muggle. Where's my cloak? I need to go back to Hogwarts." He rushed back to my room and then headed towards my garden and before he could even set foot outside, I immediately put myself in front of him and pushed him away gently.

"Nope. You are not going outside. Besides, the war is over and you can't go back! Everyone thinks you're dead."

"...." He went silent and pointed his wand at me again. "How.. Did.. You.. Know.. About... Me being... Dead?"

Oh fuck.

"Look I have so many things to explain and please.. Dont avada Kedavra me. Im telling the truth. You can even use Legilimens on me!"

"And how in Merlin's beard did you know all about this.. When you're a... Muggle?"

"I told you I have lots of things to explain.. Sit down."

And so I told him that night and he was... Utterly silent. He was trying so hard to let everything sink in. I showed him the movies and the books and I can see he was very angry, but then he bottled it all up.

"It make sense." He said.

"Make sense what?"

"I can't see what's inside your head and its completely black."

He stayed in my home for a year. I enjoyed his company and he surprisingly enjoyed mine too. I was blushing secretly every night time, remembering how he looks good on a white shirt and pants. March 15, 2012, we were sitting together on my couch whilst he was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Meanwhile, I was reading a textbook about histories of Russia. I still need to study more of it..

Snape dropped the book harshly on the table and he suddenly.... Snapped. His emotions devoured him and he cried in front of me. Quickly, I sat beside him and gave him a tight hug which he gladly took it and sobbed on my shoulder. He repressed many emotions and I couldn't comprehend how much it hurts to be isolated and abused.

"It's okay now.. You're fine." I whispered, caressing his jet black hair with my hand as I held his head gently.

"That damn author. She made my life miserable... " He mumbled.

"Shhh. Despite all of it... Harry Potter appreciates you in the end. All is well."

After his outburst, he doesn't look like stressed anymore. Instead, he looked well and finally at peace. He actually smiled at me everyday whenever I talked about theaters, history and what ever interests me. I even convinced him to let me tie his hair and he surprisngly loved it. He didn't really mind staying all day at my house while I was at work. We read and eat together as well and I suddenly had a mission every day to make him laugh which I did successfully. And during christmas eve, we were enjoying our moment together by singing along with christmas songs!

I could not forget the smile on his face while we sing. Then the music changed into a slow, melancholic tone version of 'Let it snow'

"May I?" He said, offering his hand.

"Thought you hate to dance?"

"Not with you at least." He smiled.

I bit my cheek inside as I took his hand and then we start to dance slowly. Goodness, he's out of character and I'm kinda proud that I'm the reason of his sudden change. Out of height difference, we were embracing eachother instead of doing the proper position of waltz. We just danced together as silence engulfs us.

Little did I know... It would be our last moment.

Next day, 10:00 PM, he was standing in front of me, fidgeting his fingers.

"My neck wounds are reopening itself."

"What?! Since when? I can heal it!"

"No need... Im going to be fine. I'm sick of living but you taught me how to live my life rightly. But now... We must part for I dont belong in this world."

"No.. No no no.. You're staying here.. I dont want you to die." I said, standing so close to him that I can feel his breath.

"I will always die in the end. It's what the book says. I know you hate it so much but you can just... Open the book and read all over again. And I will be with you. Not in front of you.. But here." He said, pointing my heart. "And you have Alan Rickman." He chuckled.

"Oh for god's sake, he doesn't know me." I giggled but I still can't repress my sadness.

"Well at least he will remind you of me."

I'm on the edge and his words are pushing me off. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed on his chest. "Please don't go... "

"I have to.. " He whispered weakly, his jaw resting upon my head and his arms protectively wrapped around me.

We sat down together on my couch for the last time while I leaned against his shoulder. I felt like I'm such a sissy for being silent but I still managed to say something to him one last time.

"Leave a souvenir for me.. Will you?" And I, sadly, fell asleep. And the last thing I heared from him is,

"Sleep well.. "

In the morning, I was cuddling a pillow on the couch and I was holding something, tightly and unconciously. Slowly, I sat up and look around. He's definetly not here anymore and it's probably a very long dream of mine. I look at the thing that I was holding and... My heart skipped a beat. So he's real.

His wand.

Fin.

[pokeheros-drama]

As someone who grew up on pokeheroes and is still friends with a lot of people from there, I feel the need to say how horrible of a community pokeheroes is and how it's run by people who don't actually care about the users. The site has only served as a breeding ground for traumatised adults due to the absolute incompetence of moderation from the staff or from the community itself. I would even go as far as to say that this blog is doing a lot of damage to the current generation of new users but I can't confidently say that due to not having looked too deep into it. My reason for this is simply looking at what has become of my friend group who was either harassed on pokeheroes or in the previous dramablog. My partner at the time has internalised how they are a horrible person because they had a failed relationship on pokeheroes and for whatever reason their partner faked suicide just to spite them(we only found out it was fake years later). Getting harassed by 30 different people and labelled as human scum and as a murder for just not being a good partner at the age of 16 is a lot for any child to have to go through. It took them fucking YEARS to get over that whole ordeal and what punishment did their harassers receive? Absolutely nothing??? I had to convince not only them but like half of my, at the time, close group of friends not the end it all because of how pokeheroes WILLINGLY HOUSES MENTALLY ILL TEENS THAT ONLY SPREAD THEIR NEGATIVITY TO THEIR IMPRESSIONABLE FIRENDS. This is not the only incident I've witnessed during my time on this hell site but I feel like this is the worst I can name. Blogs like the drama blog only serve to platform fighting between the community which leads to unsupervised 10-17 year olds harassing eachother and normalising that its okay to be a dick to others as long as everyone around you is also doing it. Honestly the website shouldn't be even marketed for children if it's willing to house pedophiles and harassment and do literally nothing about it. I can't even imagine the damage that letting an unsupervised child on this website will do to them. But that's only the community, the staff team manages to be even worse(for the most part), with Riako being INCAPABLE of accepting any criticism on the performance of his "Game"(more so a cheap cash grab using a pre existing IP to attract children), his immature and power hungry staff that are willing to over look ACTUAL RULE BREAKING from friends of theirs but are more than happy to ban a person for outing their problematic actions or god forbid POINT OUT AN ACTUALLY DANGEROUS USER. The one time Riako SUPPOSEDLY did something about the mod team turned out to be an absolute lie that was only done to get away with his inaction and masterfully evade solving the problem. You would think that maybe after what? 8 years of me being here, things would change eventually but NO. Sure the names change, new faces joined and left yet the same problems arise over and over again. If this does get submitted, to whoever is reading this PLEASE DO ME A SOLID and stay away from the "drama" ESPECIALLY if you are a minor. Sure you may think "oh but I am so mature for my age so this is clearly aimed at the more innocent and childish minors in the community" NO ITS NOT, I used to think i was such a smart little shit that was unaffected by this and could handle serious situations, only know that I am almost an adult did I realize that I REALLY shouldn't have been talking my friends and romantic partner out of suicide at the age of 14. THATS NOT NORMAL KIDS, YOU AREN'T THERAPISTS. If your parents didn't tell you I will. Don't interact with sexual content, even if you "are mature enough" you are still a kid, best case scenario you will end up cringing at it years later, worst case scenario you get exploited by the horny adults that PH houses which actively lurk for children that think they know more than they actually do. Additionally if you get in a drama that stresses you out, if a hoard or whatever is calling you a shit person, log off. Straight up log off for a

week, think about your actions objectively, if you feel like you are in the wrong then apologize, if not straight up just don't log in again until the rage dies down. Don't put your mental health at risk and don't hang around with people that make you feel bad. If possible talk to older friends who have gone through the ringer or even a parent every time your friend does anything questionable to make sure if its a red flag or not. Stay safe yall!

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