#I've said all I really wanted to say on the topic; though we'll see what happens in a year or so when that adult Gaang movie comes out

[the-zk-directory]

Zutara Probably Would Have Been Canon in Season 4 – The Masterpost

| [Intro.] |

If you’ve been around or within the Avatar fandom for any period of time you have probably, one way or another, become aware of one of the most intense shipping wars not just of any children’s show, but possibly just in general, one that is well over a decade old by now, approaching two.

Katara and Aang (Kataang), though canon, are often criticized for being one-sided, bad for each of the characters, and rushed. The creators of Avatar though – Mike & Bryan (collectively known as the entity ‘Bryke’) – have stated in the past that Kataang “was in the DNA of the [show] from the start.” (x)

Statements like the above are one of the reasons Zuko and Katara (Zutara) fans have been labelled ‘conspiracy theorists’ when they claim things that contradict Bryke: namely, that Zutara as a pairing was not only a serious consideration during the show’s run, but the likely outcome if the show had continued on for another season, which it seems it almost did.

(This hypothetical ‘Book 4’ was, for a long time, considered a Zutarian conspiracy theory in itself.)

But let’s back up.

How did these so-called conspiracy theories start?

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| [Intro. To The Rumours + Who Is Aaron Ehasz?] |

For a long time, the only thing that Zutara fans could latch onto were rumours. People who claimed to have worked at Nickelodeon, worked in the artistic community and knew things, met a writer in person, etc. This may not sound promising on its face, but the thing is, most of these rumours were consistent. Most of their content concerned the one-time possibility of season 4, and one man in particular: Avatar’s head writer Aaron Ehasz.

We’ll go into those rumours in depth in a second. For right now, here's a little teaser: (x)

But first, who is Aaron Ehasz (& ex-wife Elizabeth Welch) and what were his contributions to the development of Avatar?

[Who Are the Ehaszs, and Why Does Everyone Bring Them Up?] -- (x)(x)

Bonus: (x) (Note that the poster is Giancarlo Volpe btw, another writer on Avatar.)

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| [The Main Rumour Sources – Tumblr Blogs ‘Kataraandzuko’ & ‘Zephyrita’] |

Now we can get to the rumours themselves. The two main sources are both now-deactivated tumblr blogs. ‘Kataraandzuko’ is the first one we’re going to talk about. This person claimed to be an assistant writer/intern on Avatar Books 2/3 with inside knowledge of what went on behind the scenes in the writer’s room.

Meet ‘Kataraandzuko’: (x)

Zephyrita, similarly, claimed to be someone who interned and studied at Nickelodeon Studios in 2007 as an animation color stylist (according to (x)). It seems significant to mention that Zephyrita also claimed to not actually be a Zutara shipper.

(Besides reblogs, a good amount of her original posts can be found on the Wayback Machine. I took screenshots of a few of them and posted them to my blog individually with the links to the rest underneath.)

Meet ‘Zephyrita’: (x)

By the way, while I don’t know when the blogs were first started or when the first rumours concerning season 4 were posted, they seem to have been around since at least late 2015-2016. It’s hard to tell with the blogs and original posts being deactivated, but that’s the earliest I’ve seen. (If anyone sees anything earlier, let me know.) This will become important later.

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| [Controversy: (A conversation I had with…)] |

Now, I said we were going to talk about Kataraandzuko first and the post that we’re going to talk about specifically is this one: (x)

In it, Kataraandzuko claims to have had a conversation with Aaron Ehasz in Philadelphia. Why they were both in Philadelphia is not stated in the post. According to what Kataraandzuko wrote, Aaron seems to strongly imply that he had wanted to explore a romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara. This supposed conversation was turned into a tumblr post and written down in a style reminiscent of an interviewer and interviewee.

Being the only well-known rumour post to be written this way meant it, kataraandzuko themselves, and all the rumours generally would come under a lot of fire when Everything changed when Aaron Ehasz attacked Aaron Ehasz himself came out and said this: (x) in September, 2018.

With Aaron himself basically shooting down the idea that a season 4 (and, by proxy, Zutara) was ever seriously considered or planned, people who had viewed Zutara fans’ theories as nothing more than wild, imaginative conspiracies by desperate shippers felt like they had been proved right: (x)

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| [Other Rumours] |

And yet, rumours persisted.

[This (x) for the record, is kataraandzuko’s follow-up post to their ‘Conversation I had with Aaron Ehasz in Philadelphia’ post. I’ve reblogged a number of their other posts too. But fine, Aaron said the interview was fake, so let’s disregard everything ‘kataraandzuko’ said for now.]

Here’s someone who claims to have been present at a class that Aaron gave a lecture at at UC Berkeley: (x)(x)

(this class seems to have been real – here’s a link to people talking about it 12 years ago; the link on the page appears to have changed though: (x) )

Here’s another post concerning that class, though I’m not sure if the person they’re talking about who attended is actually the same person as above. (x)

Other posts from Reddit, 4chan, & Deviantart: (x)(x)(x)

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| [Evidence Against Kataang] |

[Series Bible] Of course, rumours aren’t really ‘evidence.’ And, while it’s hard to find evidence for something that never happened, it’s not hard to take a look at Avatar’s original series bible, or series outline by Bryke, and see that, though indeed, the series bibles only outlines three seasons, it also doesn’t outline endgame Kataang or suggest it being anywhere near ‘the DNA of the show.’ In fact, Aang and Katara & Sokka separate at the end of this version, with the latter two returning home and Aang going off to search for airbenders. (x)

[“A 50/50 Chance”] Off the record, Bryke even seemed to admit themselves that there might have been a back and forth regarding who exactly was going to end up with who. See here (x) an account of a Kataang fan who thanked Bryke at a comic con, only to be told: “Well, it was a 50/50 chance.“

[M. Night Interview] This was confirmed by a third party as well. ~Certain~ movies he’s made may not have lived up to their expectations but I see no reason why M. Night Shyamalan would lie when he says that at the time he talked to Mike and Bryan regarding a potential live action movie, there were a lot of things that hadn’t been figured out yet, including “who Katara was going to end up with.” (x)

And so, with or without a direct confirmation of season 4 by Aaron (when the world needed him most, he vanished), it seemed there had still been wiggle-room at some point in time for the potential of ~certain things~ to have, indeed, been under consideration, fourth season or not.

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| [Aaron Confirms on Twitter] |

BUT THEN.

100 Years passed and my brot—

On April 1, 2019, Aaron emerged, as if from an iceberg, to share some thoughts on an Azula redemption arc (x), confirm this was not an April Fool’s joke, and to state the following: “Yes, I always believed there would be a 4th season.” (x)

Zutara fans, realizing they had been right about this, and wondering what other strongly associated theory they might have been right about, rejoiced: (x)

One half of the infamous Bryke, Bryan Konietzko, did not. And, in fact, indirectly called Aaron a liar: (x)

And, It is worth mentioning, in the interest of giving everyone the full picture, that Bryan is not the only one to question Aaron recently. In late 2019, allegations came out of Aaron creating a sexist and toxic work environment. (x)

(Personally, I think your mileage may very on how serious or substantial you may find these claims.)

But with regards to the topic at hand, the Season 4 claims, someone on a Reddit thread here (x) recounts: “Also I wasn't really sure where to put this but Jean Paul Bondy, an artist who worked on ATLA, jumped in AE's twitter thread to say ‘I don’t remember this at all. Obviously I wasn’t party to discussion you three had. But I was always under the impression we were only doing the three.’”

Just recently, in 2023, Jack De Sena (Sokka’s VA) also answered a question about season 4 at a con: ((x) -- 27:30)

“I’ve heard subsequently that there was like, conversations about season 4 and stuff, but, at the time, it definitely felt like we were only doing three. Like, I was being told at the time like, they had conceived of this like, closed arc, three season… thing. So, while they were planting some seeds for like, here’s other story elements that we could explore in other areas when we have the time, it definitely felt like, ‘okay, this is, this is the journey we’re going on together, it has reached a logical conclusion.’ So, it did feel, to us while recording it, quite final and complete.”

“I was always told it was a set three,” confirms Zachary Tyler Eisen (Aang’s VA)

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| [Discussion] |

So, in a sense, we’re back where we started. Though, I would question how much, exactly, artists and voice actors, who I would assume typically only start working on scripts that have already been decided on long beforehand, would really know about any behind the scenes discussions among the writers about potential trajectories and arcs for the show as a whole (and how long those would take to play out).

And Jack did mention that he’s heard now that there were “conversations about season 4” – I’m assuming he’s heard that from more trustworthy sources than internet rumours. And, if he did, then that directly contradicts Bryan seemingly saying he never had the slightest interest in making a fourth season and was always firm on that.

After looking at everything, it seems clear to me that, to the direct contradiction of a few rumours on my blog, Avatar was probably NOT pitched as a 4 (or more) season show. I do think it was probably pitched as three. But I also think, after the show was greenlit or as it was going on, Aaron saw the potential for more seasons and pushed for them. Maybe those discussions didn’t make it very far out of the writer’s room. Maybe there was a point in time where Aaron felt he had been successful in convincing Bryke to go for a fourth season. Or maybe he always felt like he’d be able to get them there eventually. Maybe the movie finally put an end to any of Aaron’s hopes. I don’t know.

But, it’s kind of irrelevant. If the ‘conspiracy’ is that Aaron was setting up the show for a Zutara ending in season 4, then it doesn’t matter how close, in reality, we were to a fourth season. What really matters is whether or not Aaron thought there’d be one.

“Yes, I always believed there would be a 4th season”

And it seems he did.

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| [‘Zephyrita’, ’Tizuyan’ & the Smoking Gun] |

Now, you may have noticed that there was someone mentioned before that we never talked about: Zephyrita. I waited because I’ve noticed something that I’ve never seen anybody else talk about, and decided it needed its own section.

Zephyrita was, of course, one of the two main bloggers that claimed to have worked/interned on Avatar back in the day and posted things they supposedly remembered from behind the scenes, things that all supported the Season 4/Zutara theory.

Given that Aaron indirectly called out the other main blog as a fraud, causing us to have to disregard them for now, you may wonder why anyone should view Zephyrita’s credibility as any different. Here’s actually a post of someone arguing with her about this and Zephyrita’s response: (x)

“’You can’t prove you worked at Nick!!’

What type of proof do you need? Why do I have to prove something as insignificant as this anyway? Like, working there isn’t some exclusive club and I didn’t write an entire episode, I just interned and studied there but I did get to talk a lot with the staff. I wanted to intern at CN but I ended up with Nick in the end. This was all back in 2007 and I’ve been working in advertising since then. You want me to just ring up Tim Hendricks and ask him how he is after almost 10 years? […] I would post my studio pass as ‘proof’ but that contains confidential info.”

So let’s get into why I believe Zephyrita.

(x) – This is a post where Zephyrita is asked what some of Aaron’s ideas were that didn’t make it into the show. Most of her response has to deal with Zuko and Katara, but it also includes this little tidbit about Aang at the end:

“Aang would leave on a self-searching journey after feeling the consequences of energybending and getting jealous over how close Zuko and Katara had become.”

In another post (x), she shares “my friend yan no longer has tumblr because people on this site are RIDICULOUS but she told she wanted to put in some extra info about the ideas that ehasz had:”

‘Yan’ I’m thinking is another deactivated user – ‘Tizuyan’ – who also used to post about the unexplored ideas Aaron had. (Admittedly, I’m not sure how they claimed to know any of it.)

But Zephyrita shares the ideas that ‘Yan’ supposedly gave her, including this one: “zuko and katara develop an understanding and bond that the other characters can not comprehend. they grow very close and sokka starts to suspect there is something going on between them. aang starts feeling jealous but tries to hide these feelings (ehasz said he would start feeling “weird” lmao). this would play a part of his growing darkness.”

In yet another post (x), Tizuyan herself writes “They would have fit very well within the possible Book 4 where Aang became “dark” and traveled back to the Air Temples for solace (where he examines himself, and finds a bunch of flying bison + winged lemur)”

So, to summarize, there would have been consequences to energy bending that would have caused a growing darkness in Aang. And as said before, all these posts are from around 2015-2016, if you go back and look at their earliest, still-existing notes.

Why is this significant?

-----------

It is significant because in 2019, after confirming he always thought there’d be a fourth season on twitter, Aaron Ehasz did an interview (x) where he talked a little bit more about what his ideas were for Season 4, beyond an Azula redemption arc. Obviously, there’s nothing in this interview about Zutara. But. But. There is this:

“Ehasz reaffirmed his earlier stated plans for a longer arc for Azula but also divulged additional details. One plotline would have followed up on Aang taking away Fire Lord Ozai’s bending at the end of the third season.

‘My feeling about that was like there’s always a cost, right? There’s always some balance. You can’t just be like I’m the Avatar, taking your powers away. It’s a great power, but part of it is you just took all this evil into you. To take it away from someone else you’re holding onto it to protect the world.’

For Aang that would have been an incredible burden and something Ehasz would have wanted to see him deal with.

‘The story I wanted to tell with Aang was about him struggling with taking some of that inside and probably a considerable amount of anger and guilt and big feelings. By the way, guess who would be the best person to have a mini vacation with? It’s Zuko! Someone who’s processed a lot of anger on his own, right?’”

So… basically… there would have been consequences to energy bending that would have caused a growing darkness in Aang.

It matches up perfectly.

And not only that, but you’ll notice in the interview he also mentions wanting to focus on Iroh and his spiritual transformation, and mentions something relating to the potential for existing airbenders. This also matches up well with other things that were written in the latter two tumblr posts linked above.

So, what are the possible explanations? Liars/delusional shippers on tumblr who were falsely claiming to have insider knowledge on Avatar just so happening to have hit on some of the exact same season 4 plot points as the head writer, 3-4 years before season 4 was even a thing that had been acknowledged publicly? Aaron Ehasz trolling the internet and coming across these theories and then repeating them as if they had been his own ideas for… some purpose?

Or that maybe some of these blogs had been telling the truth?

This is why I called this section ‘the smoking gun’ – I believe that Aang can save t- that DenofGeek interview, along with those old rumour posts give credence to everything else Zephyrita/Tizuyan had to say. (And we’ll get back to ‘kataraandzuko’ later.)

Link to Zephyrita’s posts and comments: (x). The only other post of mine that I know Tizuyan appears on is this one: (x)

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| [Zutara Evidence – External and Textual] |

And there’s more concrete evidence than just rumours. We’ve already gone over the ‘hard’ evidence against the idea that Kataang was planned from the start, but up until now we haven’t gone over the evidence that exists to support Zutara specifically.

First, here’s just a post (x) showing, besides what we’ve already gone over, how Zutara was teased in some of the promotional materials, as well as some comments (including the ‘Avatar Extras’) made by some other writers on the show, further confirming what Bryke once privately acknowledged to a fan – I’m not sure if the chance was exactly 50%, but it seems it was definitively higher than 0.

And, it seems, high enough that little bits of foreshadowing (or…potentially, a major amount of foreshadowing, depending on your view) did make it into the show itself.

Much has been made of the parallels that exist between the ‘Cave of Two Lovers’/’Crossroads of Destiny’ episodes, namely the two lovers with a red and blue color scheme from opposite sides of a war that come together in a cave of glowing crystals… and the two characters with a red and blue color scheme from opposite sides of a war… that come together in a cave of glowing crystals.

Here’s a few posts that break this down in depth: (x) (x) (x)

And here’s just another little piece of external evidence, another comment by a writer – and actually the writer of ‘The Cave of Two Lovers’: (x)

(I noticed he also mentions the series bible saying Zuko and Katara were supposed to end up together??? Yeah, I don’t know what that’s about. Make of it what you will.)

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| [Bryke Being Nasty to Zutarians] |

^^Is it necessary for me to write this section? No.

But, in a way, it’s what led to my interest in this. I’ve said before that if Mike and Bryan had just been normal adults about all this, said that Zutara was a thing that was considered, that could have happened but didn’t, respected their friendship/bond in canon, and just said to all the Zutara fans, “sorry it didn’t go your way this time; hope you can still enjoy the ending anyway!” we wouldn’t have a problem. I would have just thought it was a shame and missed opportunity, and then moved on with my life and not really thought about it ever again.

It's the apparent lying and immaturity and seeming… mean-spirited-ness (?) that gets me. I don’t understand it.

In a rumour from Tizuyan ((x) - this is the second tizuyan post that I linked at the end of the second to last section) she writes: “Bryke despise Zutara.”

 This would certainly explain why Zuko and Katara hardly ever seem to have positive interactions in any of the material beyond Avatar’s original series, that is if they even interact at all.

(See Bryan’s out-of-nowhere response to the neutral question, “Can we expect a reunion for the returning characters from The Last Airbender [in Legend of Korra]?” which was:

“As far as a date night between Katara and Zuko, I think you are going to have to stick to the fan art for that." (x) (Not sure if there was any more to this answer or not; I can’t find the original interview, though I know I remember seeing it way back when.)

It would also explain the contents of this rumour (courtesy of Zephyrita) (x) regarding the writing, or re-writing, of ‘The Southern Raiders’ episode.

And it would explain Bryan’s infamous, “Come on kids! ‘Zutara’ never would have lasted! It was just dark and intriguing” comment. (x)

What it wouldn’t explain is the even more infamous video that Bryke debuted at 2008 San Diego Comic Con, and which Bryan (who really seems to be the main instigator in all of this, apparently) has since reposted to his own tumblr account: (x)

You know, the one where Bryke mock Zutara fans with their own fanart and say that “Women who think that Zuko and Katara should be together will forever have doomed relationships.” Yeah.

I have no further comments on it other than what’s already been written in the reblogs linked above.

(And all this is all the more frustrating when Bryan himself seems to have had a slight change of heart when it comes to the ‘DNA of the show’ and writes in late 2014 in a post on The Legend of Korra: “Personally, at that point I didn’t want Korra to have to end up with someone at the end of series. We obviously did it in Avatar, but even that felt a bit forced to me.” (x) (Like, HUH?! Since when?!)

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| [Aaron Ehasz Again + Final Thoughts On The Kataraandzuko “Interview”] |

Meanwhile, Aaron himself painstakingly tends to avoid discussing Zutara, unless it’s brought up to him directly, in which case he usually just gives a wishy-washy answer about how he tries not to actively ship any characters. Though, we will go into an interview that’s slightly more interesting than this in a little bit.

First, I must bring to everyone’s attention a video that it seems no one else has noticed, as the post only had 4 notes on it at the time of writing this. (x)

Here is Aaron Ehasz at a comic con in 2006, which I believe would be sometime before season 2 had finished airing, showing the audience various ships from the show (most of them ridiculous) before at the end getting to Maiko (called Maizu), Kataang, and lastly (which I feel is significant)… Zutara.

This really appears to me to be Aaron showing the audience the ‘serious ships’ under the guise of this being just some funny game, and using the strength of the cheers from the crowd as a way to gauge interest for a potential endgame ship. Either for his own purposes… or for the purpose of possibly convincing someone else. I interpreted this video this way even before I just re-watched it while writing this post and realized that Aaron actually says this directly:

“We really want to hear what you have to say. I want you to know you have a lot of influence and power right now… ‘cause your, your cheers or boos will really… affect it.”

And I think it might make sense to combine this with the rumours here (x) about the supposed lecture at Berkeley where Aaron once flippantly remarked that Zutara couldn’t happen because it “would have made the six year olds cry” and the rumours by jhenne-bean herself, the one who claimed to have been at that lecture, who gives more context here (x):

“GURL IT WAS TOTALLY 50/50 even during the last season.

Actually, Nick execs pushed Kataang.

Because without it (according to one of the head writers that came and spoke to my class last semester) the “six year olds would cry.” Obviously that’s not the sole reasoning behind their decisions, but the intended demographic did sway the final outcome.”

(So, based on all this, I’m thinking that Aaron was probably a little disappointed in that video above when the Zutara cheers didn’t overpower the Kataang ones. [So am I, Aaron. So am I.])

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Now, the only actual filmed interview with Aaron Ehasz about Avatar that I know of is this one: (x) in 2019, where he’s asked questions by fans. Yes, Zutara is brought up, though the surprising part is it’s seemingly at Aaron’s own prompting. For that reason and others I find this interview to be very interesting; I actually did a breakdown of it here (x), which I encourage everyone to consider.

If you’ve read through that breakdown, or just watched the video in question, you will have seen that the “fake” interview from before (x) was once again brought up. I put the word ‘fake’ in quotes because that’s how Aaron appeared to refer to it in the interview – with air quotes. And so now it’s time for my speculation on this “fake” interview:

I think it’s fairly clear that Aaron does not want (or, for some reason feels unable to (?)) speak freely regarding his opinions on how the relationships of Avatar did (or did not) play out. I think it’s safe to say he has avoided saying anything ‘on the books’ that would place him at odds with Bryke (though that post about M Night wanting to focus on season 4 and Bryke wanting to focus on the movie cut it pretty close) or put him on a definitive side of the shipping war, one way or another.

That’s why it makes sense to me that a rumour on the internet that wasn’t just any rumour, but was written in such a way so that it looked like an official *interview*, with Aaron’s name appearing before statements supposedly attributable to him and everything, would be something he’d want to make sure everyone knew was not actually official. If that conversation between kataraandzuko and Aaron actually happened, he would have believed it to be, at the time, a private conversation. He never would have intended for the person he was talking to to post their conversation and make it look like he said these things on the official record.

So, yeah, despite Aaron calling that post out specifically, I think it’s still plausible that that conversation could have actually happened and that kataraandzuko wasn’t lying. Her (?) original tags even say to take it with a grain of salt since it was written from memory.

And notice the line, “I wanted Aang to defeat Ozai and go through some emotional turmoil after taking the Fire Lord's bending.” Sound familiar?

Here’s another variation of one of kataraandzuko’s posts from before (x) where they talk more in depth about being an intern at Nick and what they saw behind the scenes of Avatar, even admitting, “Haha, it’s not hard getting an internship at Nickelodeon. They’re not strict and they accepted me on my first attempt. You just have to be a university student with a lot of motivation.”

(And witness at the end of the post another defensive-Bryke-Bryan example.)

Could all their posts be lies? Sure. But they always seemed credible enough to me. And given everything else we’ve gone over, can you really say anything they posted sounds all that crazy?

So, for your consideration, here’s my tag of all ‘kataraandzuko’s posts: (x)

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| [Summary of All Rumours] |

Also, for your consideration, now that we’ve got all the context behind us, is this post which lists every major piece of gossip about what season 4 would have included had Bryke the universe allowed it to exist: (x)

And a post which I think perfectly encapsulates everything here and my final stance on it: (x)

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...And so. We should be all caught up now. 

I hope this post will be useful to anyone who’s confused about the little bits and pieces of things you might have come across or heard regarding season 4 or zutara or Aaron Ehasz or supposed conspiracies. (Or to anyone who just got tired of seeing everyone else, confused, talking about it this way, without the full context.)

If there’s anything major that you feel I missed here, feel free to let me know and I’ll consider adding it in. Otherwise, enjoy the show, enjoy your ship, and I hope you enjoyed reading. Goodbye, everybody! 😊

[ladykailitha]

Buckle up, there is a topic I want to rant about today. A few days ago this came across my dash and it reminded me of someone I knew from high school.

There was this kid at my high school everyone thought was a douche. He was good looking, popular, could sing, dance and play an instrument (I think it was guitar, but I don't remember it's been 20 years). He was getting lead roles in the plays as a sophomore (we didn't have freshman in our high schools out here in hick Utah where the running joke has always been we're behind the times by at 20-40 years), he got duck classes because he was getting acting jobs while in school.

We'll call him MH because those were his initials.

He was in my biology class and our science teacher had four groups of four debate creationism vs evolution (you shouldn't debate established fact but whatever). Two groups would be for creation and the other two would be for evolution.

I picked creation because I was a contrary child and wanted to debate the opposite of my actual views. (I was like thatTM) He picked evolution.

We got up and gave our arguments. Now our teacher wasn't a stupid man, stupid assignment aside. He knew his classes. He knew teenagers. He gave them two voting slips. One for who liked the best. Popularity wise. And the other for who gave the best arguments.

Now for some added context, this is Utah. Mormonville. Creation is basically hardwired into our psyche from birth. The chances of EVOLUTION winning was as likely as a pig sprouting wings.

But I was not well liked in high school, I was an epileptic, ADHD, anxiety riddled nerd. So MH's team got the votes for both the best argument and the most popular, because fuck me that's why. (And yeah, this sounds like my anxiety talking, but no these little shits told me that to my face.)

I can't remember how long exactly it was. Long enough that I got over it, but fresh enough I knew what he was talking about. But shortly after this shit show we have a fire drill. It was cold, it was miserable and I was ready to start cussing for the warmth.

MH comes up to me and the two friends I was with and tells me "Hey, I think it was crap that you lost. Your team had the better argument and was better articulated. I just wanted to let you know." And then melted back into the crowd of students.

I didn't think he knew what my name was, if I'm honest. But he came up to me and told me that I should have won. Even my friends were shocked. Now of course I was bitter about losing, because how could I not be? But the fact that the hottest guy in school came up to me and said that? I felt vindicated.

From that day on though? I was a staunch MH supporter. I was tell people that he was probably shy and very busy (you know with the whole acting jobs thing).

TL;DR: high school douche goes out of his way to tell me that I should won the on merit side of a stupid debate and I find out not a douche after all.

So why do I bring this up? Because of Steve Harrington. He has literally everyone saying he was an ass in high school. That he has to atone. But other than some instances where it was absolutely warranted we never really see Steve be a douche. Just typical teenager shit. And every time he does something "bad" he apologizes for it.

But all his friends are still giving him shit about it three years later. But not Jonathan who was an actual fucking criminal. Like he didn't have develop the sex pictures if he was looking for evidence of the thing that took his brother. I've developed film. The negative, while small gives you a pretty good indication of what would develop.

And yeah Nancy forgave him, but no one asked Steve if he forgave him. Because he was in those pictures, too. Steve was just as violated as Nancy was. And if the scene we see is any indication, Steve was probably more predominately featured than Nancy was, because he was on top. Meaning he would have covered her most of the time.

So no, I don't think Steve was a bully. No, I don't think he has anything to atone for that he hasn't already atoned for in fucking spades. I think he was always that same lovable dork he always was and Nancy had nothing to do with his "hero arc". But I have my own thoughts about Nancy that are way too long for this already massive dash stretcher.

/rant end

[it-was-too-cold-always]

We're Not in CW Anymore - 2

Chapter 1

The reader gets blasted into another universe - one where Sam and Dean Winchester are real people, real hunters, and really fucked up. To her surprise (or horror), Dean has been getting glimpses of her life in his dreams and is completely enamored with her. It's nothing like the cable-friendly CW show that she knows and loves.

Reader x Dean Winchester

Warnings: language, violence

Chapter 2: Family Remains is a Damn Good Episode

Dean would not stop staring. It was becoming increasingly unsettling. "Dude," Sam nudged him, sensing your discomfort. Dean snapped out of it, glancing around and composing himself. Sam debated which topic he wanted to bring up first - the fact that you've watched their lives in a TV show, or the comment Gabriel made about Dean being "quite familiar" with you. He decided on the latter.

"Dean, you want to tell me why Gabriel said you'd be familiar with her?" Sam looked over at his brother with a slightly pissed off glare. Dean’s face immediately turned bright red, fidgeting in his seat. He stared at the booth table and stammered. Finally, he blurted, "I've been watching her for the past couple months." You stared at him, mouth open, in complete shock. "Listen, it's not as creepy as it sounds. It's in my dreams. It's like I'm a ghost, I can see you but you can't see me. I've been with you at work, around the house, at the gym...sleeping..." he continued, "but again! I'm not a fucking creep! Whenever I sleep, I just show up at a random time in your day."

You were mortified. What exactly has he seen? The thought of someone watching you around the house made your skin crawl. And sleeping?! Your mind ran through every potentially embarrassing moment of the past months he could've witnessed. Your sleep shirts and smutty romance books were embarrassing enough. Has he seen you masterbate? You wanted to crawl under a rock.

"Why the fuck didn't you say anything to me about this? Didn't you think it was a little important that you've been connected to this girl somehow?" Sam was clearly frustrated with Dean. You didn't want to get in the middle of it, so you stayed silent, processing everything that was happening. Before Dean could respond, the waitress came back to take the boys' order. A salad and burger, what a surprise. Dean's gaze returned to you, making eye contact as you sipped your coffee.

"Dude, you're doing it again," Sam chastised Dean. It was a little creepy, despite his claims that he wasn't. "Listen, I say we get back to the bunker and look more into this. Surely there's something we can find about soulmates from alternate dimensions. The Men of Letters have so many resources, I'm sure we'll find a lead of some kind," Sam said. You nodded in agreement. You weren't sure what to besides follow them back to the bunker. “Agreed. But first, food,” Dean responded. Pretty on brand of him.

The boys ate while you nursed your coffee. You were busy contemplating all the different questions you wanted to ask. Was Bobby still alive? Did their mom come back from the dead? Did Castiel become cool or was he still an emotionless angel dickhead? You had so much you wanted to ask. You decided to start with the Bobby question. Looking up, you met eyes with Dean. Staring again. You decided to return the favor and stared back. You lost rather quickly – his gaze was very intimidating, even though his look was more of wonder than malice. You looked towards Sam and blurted your question. “Is Bobby alive?”

“Um, yeah…does he die in your universe?” Sam asked. You explained his death, rambling that it was one of your favorite episodes, but you always skipped the ending because he gets fatally wounded and it makes you sad to watch. Sam looks a little disturbed, you’re sure it’s because you just admitted that your favorite episode is the one where Bobby dies. You try to recover that blunder. “I mean that’s not my favorite episode. I really love season 4, ‘Family Remains.’ Where you thought it was a ghost but then it was human kids living in the walls. That one gives me the heeby jeebs. OR the Ghostfacers episodes, those are too fucking funny.” Shut. UP. You were kicking yourself for rambling. Dean rolls his eyes at the mention of the Ghostfacers. Sam clenches his jaw. Totally going to stop talking now.

The food arrives just in time to save you from further embarrassment. Dean immediately digs in, taking a massive bite out of the burger. You stare in disbelief – you can’t believe this is happening. The boys eat quickly enough. You drank WAY too much coffee and your hands were shaking. Both from the situation and the caffeine. Finally, it’s time to pile into the Impala and go to the bunker. The engine turns over and music starts playing. You recognize the song immediately, it’s straight from one of your playlists. Dean quickly moves to turn the song off, clearly embarrassed. You make eye contact in the rearview mirror. “What? You have good taste in music,” he defends himself.

As you drive in the now silent car, you think about what the next steps might look like. Sam wants to look for lore on soulmates from different universes, but what good would that do? It doesn’t change the situation. You’re stuck in a different world with people you barely know. Sure, you’d trust Dean Winchester with your life. But that’s the TV version of him. You don’t know anything about this guy. You thought you read once that Kripke wanted Dean to be tatted up, but they didn’t have the budget for it. I guess when it’s real life, you don’t have to worry about a budget. You mulled over what Gabriel had said about this being the nitty-gritty, real-life version of the show. That means a shit ton of killing and violence. Lots of disposing bodies. You were torn between being terrified for your safety and feeling sad for all the crap they’ve had to deal with. Sure, this Dean had tattoos and nasty scars and watched you sleep at night, but maybe he’s still the burger-loving, dorky man you fell in love with on the show. He might kill you, but you decided you didn’t really have a choice – you either went with these men you kinda knew, or you went out on your own in a different universe with no connections or money. You were willing to gamble on the chance that they’re not deranged killers.

Chapter 3

[cc-genshin]

Traveling with Wriothesley: Day 7

"That's a breathtaking view," Wriothesley commented, feasting his eyes upon the lovely pink trees amidst the desert.

The Traveler smiles proudly, "Right? It used to be a lifeless wasteland though." They revealed, looking back to one of their previous adventures.

Wriothesley looks at them, his eyes laced with curiosity. "Oh, really? How so?" He inquires, eager to find out the Traveler's story.

"Well, those trees that you see? They used to be crystallized back then," The Traveler points at a distance. "So it was all dark and grey... plus, there was an ominous purple portal on the ground."

[How it used to look in the past...]

"But after helping out Sorush and the other Pari, we restored this place back to what you see right now." The Traveler continued their story, recounting their experience with a warm feeling in their heart.

Wriothesley looks at the Traveler, seemingly in awe, "Wow. You're a hero indeed." He praises his companion for their hard work. "Everywhere you go, you leave behind something wonderful."

The Traveler blushes and looks away, "Thank you, I just did... what I had to. And what I thought was the right thing at the moment." With a soft voice, they replied.

The Duke chuckles, admiring the Traveler, "But I hope you're not planning to leave me behind too someday." He jokingly says.

Quickly, the Traveler looks at him with a frown. "I would never do such thing!" They protested and pouted.

"Oh look, there's a Pari over there." Changing the topic, Wriothesley pointed out as he noticed Jarjar, one of the Pari in the area.

"Ah, that's Jarjar." The Traveler walks up to the Pari, leading the way for Wriothesley. "Hello, friend. It's been a while." With a smile, they greeted the Avian creature.

"Oh, it's you Traveler. Do you want to play games with me again?" Jarjar, the Pari asked. "Wait, who...?" The Pari takes notice of Wriothesley, looking at the Traveler with questioning eyes.

"This is Wriothesley, my traveling partner." The Traveler introduces with a joyful tone.

"Hello there." Wriothesley waves at the Pari, keeping his cool composure.

"Partners! How wonderful. Jarjar can prepare a game for you two to enjoy." The Pari excitedly flew around.

Wriothesley looks at their partner, wondering what kind of game the Pari is talking about.

"Jarjar likes to play race games. It was fun to complete his challenges." The Traveler giggles while sharing their experience with the Duke.

"Racing, huh? Well, I'll be looking forward to that." Wriothesley crosses his arms and nods with a smirk.

"Come to think of it, Jarjar kinda looks like you." Wriothesley said while they watched the Pari fly away.

"Eh?" The Traveler blinks, they didn't expect such comment from the Duke.

"Well, your hair is light like their body. Plus, you have the same eye color." Wriothesley stares at their partner while explaining his idea. "Only yours look lovelier to me, of course." He smiles as he compliments the Traveler.

As their heart skipped a beat, the Traveler couldn't help but look away once more. "Geez, that was unexpected." Wriothesley laughs, he knew he would get this type of answer. "I adore your eyes as much as you adore mine, hmph!" Playfully, the Traveler complimented him in return.

"What's this glowing piece of wood?" Wriothesley asked as they continued walking around the Gavireh Lajavard.

"That's a Fravashi tree. Spirits of old Pari used to lay here." The Traveler explains the mystical aura around the place. "I've put them all to rest so they can go in peace."

Wriothesley feels a sense of peace as the Traveler tells him the story behind the tree. "That sounds like a good ending."

As they continue walking around...

"You're telling me... we'll jump down into this thing?" Wriothesley asked, looking down at the glowing entrance.

The Traveler nods. "Are you scared?" They jokingly asked.

"Absolutely..." Wriothesley slowly moves his hand towards the Traveler. "...not!" Without warning, he grabs them and jumps towards the hole.

Together, they both fell into the glowing entrance. And before they knew it, a bright light blinded them for a moment.

The next thing they know, they've been transported to a whole new place.

"Where are we?" Wriothesley asked while looking around.

"We're at the Gaokerena. This giant lotus flower... is where the last Dendro archon kept Egeria's consciousness." The Traveler tells Wriothesley yet another story about the world's history.

Slowly, the Traveler walks away, creating distance between them and the Duke.

"This is where the divine bird, Simurgh, drank Egeria's fluids - causing the creation of the Pari race." The Traveler glances back at Wriothesley and reaches their hand out.

Wriothesley takes a moment before stepping forward. He was admiring the Traveler's beauty from a distance.

"Egeria sure had a lot of ties with this place in Sumeru." Wriothesley replies, finally moving forward.

The Traveler nods in agreement. "Yeah," They smiled as the Duke stood next to them. "Beautiful place though, right?"

Wriothesley smiles back, "Indeed."

(NOTE: If you notice any inconsistencies in the lore, please feel free to correct me. I don't remember everything in order and I rely on the Genshin Wiki to refresh my memory.)

CHAPTER LIST|| Tap here to view the list of chapters & FAQ ||

EXTRA: Eremite Wriothesley (my fanart!)

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Big mistake

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2.1K

SUMMARY | After a mission gone sideways, Bucky doesn't want to see anyone and just be left alone, so he can comprehend what happened. During this time he gets pushed to his breaking point, but now he has to live with the consequences of his own doing. This chapter is written from Bucky's pov.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Choking, anxiety, struggles with mental health, swearing, self-hate talk.

A/N | This one-shot is part of my series called 'Yours, Forever' and focuses on the events taking place during Chapter 7. However, this can be read as part of the series, or a standalone one-shot.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

''Man, I can't wait to see Y/N again, I've missed her...'' Bucky said to Sam, but he really wish he hadn't when their phones went off saying that they had to get ready for a last-minute mission. ''Fuck, I'm supposed to pick her up from the airport in 3 days...'' Bucky sighed, but he didn't have a choice since he was called on to this mission too. ''I'm just gonna see if Steve can do it, I'll meet you at the jet,'' he said to Sam who agreed. He walked to his room and called Steve, even though he really didn't want to bother him on his date. Seems like he doesn't have much of a choice right now.

The phone rings 3 times before Steve picks up, much to Bucky's delight. ''Hey man, what's up?'' he says. ''Hey, I have to ask you a favor man. I'm supposed to pick up Y/N at the airport in 3 days but I got called into a last-minute mission, can you do it? I'm really sorry I have to pull you out of your date for it!'' Bucky rambled when getting his tactical gear ready to change into. ''Yeah no, it's okay. We can pick her up, don't apologize!'' Steve said, and he checked with Lucas if it was okay, he had never met any of his friends, they weren't even together for that long. ''All right, we'll be there, be safe on your mission, she'd want you back in one piece!'' he said before hanging up and Bucky was relieved that he could always count on his friend.

He slipped on his tactical gear and picked up his mission bag, which was always ready to go whenever he had to leave in a hurry. As promised he met Sam and the rest of the team and the jet, where everyone waited for Tony to give instructions on what would happen, since Steve had a day off for once. ''Bucky, I really don't think it's smart for you to go on this mission since it involves HYDRA. We don't want to risk you getting captured again,'' he said, but Bucky didn't want to hear it. ''I can handle it, I've proven that by now, right? Or do you still not trust me?'' he said with a layer of disgust in his tone, knowing full well what he thought of Bucky.

''You can fight me on this all you want, but I really don't think it's smart. Anyways, for this one, we need to infiltrate an old HYDRA base that has recently been taken into use again and make sure we destroy it for good this time. Everyone will go in their usual pairings and positions, so make sure you're ready.'' he finished his briefing. ''When we're done, we will meet everyone back at the jet, if we do it right the first time, we'll be out in a couple hours.'' and with that the rest of the ride was silent, Bucky was just staring ahead at the wall trying to collect his thoughts which wasn't that easy considering they would go into a HYDRA base again.

The mission went almost flawlessly, except for the fact that Bucky and Clint got attacked, and they were both off pretty bad. Clint had to be stitched up when they got back on the jet, Bucky was better off since he would heal pretty easily with the serum. The things he saw at the base were haunting him and all the memories he had from HYDRA and the Winter Soldier came flooding back all at once, giving him one of the most intense migraines he has had in a very long time. All he wanted to do was go home and lock himself in his room, he didn't want to face anybody right now. He just needed to be alone, just like he deserved to be.

Back at the compound, Steve and Y/N were waiting for everyone to come back after their mission, especially since she just got back from her trip to Italy and missed everyone so much. ''Oh Steve, here they come!'' she squealed excitedly when the jet came into sight, but Bucky wasn't ready to face her, not after everything that had just gone down a few hours ago. He didn't want to burden her with all of it, so as soon as everyone got off the jet, he walked in a straight line to his bedroom, not even so much as sending a glance over at Y/N, afraid that if he did he would break right then and there.

''Sam? What's going on with Bucky?'' he heard her ask and he really wanted to turn around and tell her what happened, but he couldn't get himself to do it. He felt so incredibly stupid right now, because all he wanted was to hold her and tell her he was okay, but he wasn't okay. His mind didn't stop showing him flashbacks, and the migraine didn't become any less either. Once he reached his bedroom, he slammed the door shut and asked JARVIS not to let anyone in, no one was allowed in his room for the foreseeable future. He walked into his bathroom, stripped himself of his tactical gear and turned on the shower, hoping that would make him feel a little better. It really didn't.

After his shower, he was standing in front of his mirror looking at himself, but all he could see was the version of himself he really wanted to forget his old self. All he could think about is how he didn't deserve to be here right now, that he should have been dead just like they planned. When these thoughts became increasingly overwhelming, he punched the mirror with his flesh hand and he cut himself deep when the shards of glass hit his hand, but he didn't care. ''FUCK!'' is all he could get out of his mouth because he couldn't deal with this right now. He just wanted to lay in bed and not talk to anyone.

For the first week, he could barely get himself out of bed to do anything, feeling locked inside his own head. The nightmares and flashbacks didn't stop, they only seemed to get worse the more time went by. He constantly gets texts and calls but ignores them because he really doesn't want to deal with anyone right now, he just can't get himself to do it. ''Fuck off!'' he yelled when his phone went off again and he smacked it against the wall with his vibranium arm, the thing shattering completely upon impact. All he can do is cry and turn around endlessly in his bed, afraid that when he falls asleep he won't ever wake up out of the nightmare.

The second week, he noticed that the nightmares and flashbacks subsided a little, but it wasn't much better than the first week. By this time he had managed to shower at least once, which was a little bit of an improvement, and he even started to eat some of the things his teammates left in front of his door every day. He was thankful that they still cared for him when he felt like this, but he still feels like they shouldn't. He is slowly gaining a little bit of his strength back and his energy goes up more too, but his mind still won't let him go outside of that door. In his mind, he is still very much a prisoner, just like the 7 decades he spent in HYDRA.

Y/N was at his door multiple times a day, talking to him about her days, what she did, and everyone else. She told him how she wanted to help him because she cares about him. ''You shouldn't be here Y/N,'' Bucky said shortly when he was finally getting sick and tired of her being there, even though he shouldn't be. He knows better than that. He reaches his breaking point, when she said ''Bucky, please. This isn't good for you, and we miss you, man. Hell, I miss you the most. I just want to see my boyfriend, I want to be there for you. WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I JUST WANNA HELP?! Why doesn't that get through your thick skull'' and she would immediately regret saying it.

He quickly got up from his bed and ripped the door off its hinges, and grabbed Y/N by her throat with his vibranium arm pushing her against the wall. He squeezed harder than intended but all the wanted to do was to stop her talking. When he heard Steve's voice across the hall, he relaxed a little knowing that it would finally be over. Steve pulled him off of her and he let him, falling back with a hard thud on top of him. He got washed over with regret, he did the one thing he promised he'd never do, and that is hurt her. He hurt the one person he cared the most for, aside from Steve. When he got up and pushed Steve off of him, all he could do was cry. The stress from the last few weeks all came out, and he could do nothing else but cry uncontrollably.

Bucky was well aware that he was royally fucked right now, he lost the one thing he felt worth living for. He lost his sunshine, his doll. Deep down he always knew there would be a bit of the Winter Soldier left in him, but he couldn't have imagined it would lead to this, to hurting Y/N. After he stopped crying and he picked himself back up, he wanted to go to the gym to get the rest of his anger out by punching something until he couldn't anymore. Until he couldn't stand on his legs from pure exhaustion. He changed into his gym clothes and opened the door, which is when he saw something silver shining on the floor, Y/N's necklace with her mom's name on it. He carefully picked it up and put it away in his nightstand for safekeeping. He really hoped he could give it back to her.

After about 2 weeks, everything had settled back to normal, except for the fact that everyone avoided looking at Bucky whenever they were in the same room as him, and he couldn't blame them. He did such a stupid thing, so he would just avoid everyone as much as possible, until there was an emergency meeting he couldn't get out off. He waited for everyone else to get there, so he could go in last. When he entered the conference room, he saw all eyes on him, but he also noticed that Y/N was there. As soon as they made eye contact, she flinched and quickly hid behind Steve so he could keep her safe. He quickly looked down to his shoes and found a chair that was as far away from everyone as possible.

All he could focus on was Y/N and the dark purple bruises that were still covering her neck. She had silent tears streaming down his face, but Tony held her close and was rubbing her back. That should be me, soothing her. Wait, no, she shouldn't need to be soothed, to begin with! he thinks to himself, the realization of his actions dawning on him once more. When the meeting was over everyone walked out of the room, except for Bucky, Tony and Y/N. ''Doll, can I just talk to you for a minute? I want to tell you how sorry-'', is all he could get out before he got rudely interrupted by Tony.

'' ''You don't get to call her doll anymore. You lost any and all privilege of that when you decided to hurt the one person who cared more for you than you could even imagine. When you hurt the woman who loved, hell, still loves you more than anything, but you had to go and fuck that up, didn't you? Because for some fucking reason, you can't see a good thing when it's right in front of you!'' Tony said, and Bucky got mad in an instant. ''You don't get to talk to me like that Stark. I would choose your next words carefully, or you'll be next.'' Bucky threatened him, and in his anger, he punched the wall with his vibranium arm. This made Y/N flinch again and made her cry even harder, letting out long, hard sobs. Bucky walked away and realized, once more, how utterly and royally fucked he was.

[totallynottinsel]

Warnings: none. Just some tooth rotting fluff for the soul. and maybe a little angst

Ship: Chreon (+ some Jill x Claire sprinkled in for fun)

Ty to my wonderful mom for this whole idea of the gang getting to have a chill day out for once, she's amazing so all credit goes to her for the prompt (: (i've dragged her into the Chreon cult)

Finally, with the world saved once again by the skin of everyone’s teeth, there was that silent, open void left over; it was a bit funny how these top tier government agents and so on had a hard time figuring out what to occupy themselves with when not stopping bioterrorists or shooting zombies. Though most of them had gotten used to that same empty space by now. 

After Dylan had been successfully put to a stop, as well as the events on Alcatraz Island settled—the near exhausted group of friends wanted to at least spend a little time all together before each of them had to return to their own set of work again. Yet the question was…what would they do? None could seem to agree on one thing throughout the various ideas and suggestions spat out, though at least someone had a decent choice. Rebecca ended up saying they should simply go out for ice cream, to which they all happily agreed to. Who wouldn’t though?

They all decided to carpool to make the trip easier. “I’m calling shotgun!” Claire exclaimed as she dashed to the side of the car, sitting herself inside right next to her brother, who’d already been the chosen driver—whilst Jill and Rebecca got stuck with the backseats. But at least it wasn’t too squished for the two of them, or so they would think for a good minute. 

“Hey, can I ride with you guys? I’ve kinda lost mine” A low, unsure voice kindly asked the rest of the group, which was quick to catch everyone’s attention. It belonged to Leon of course, who stood just a few feet away from the vehicle, arms crossed as he patiently awaited a response.  

“What happened to your bike?” Chris asked with curiosity towards the other, his arm resting on the rim of the car’s open window. 

“I…don’t really wanna talk about it.” The blond replied in an underlying tone of remorse, his gaze fluttering down to the ground below him, almost in a shameful manner. 

"Not again…" Claire murmured from her side, leaning forward to try and get a better look out her brother's window, not all too surprised by the revolution. Especially seeing who it was coming from.

"What does she mean again? Jesus, how many bikes have you recked?" Jill raised an eyebrow to the topic, staring at the apprehensive man outside the car with a slightly distasteful, yet nonetheless intrigued look on her face. 

"Too many for my liking." Leon mumbled under his breath as it was mixed with the tiniest tinge of annoyance, which was fair in his defense. He made his way over to the car, and slid himself inside the backseat alongside the other two—who were now stuck being squished next to each other. 

"So what I got from that was, is that I get to sit next to the guy who's known for wrecking bikes and or vehicles? Just my luck." She remarked straight back, her tone riddled with sarcasm as she kept on trying to lean far from him, making their limited space even worse no doubt. "Wanna swap seats?" She asked the woman next to her.

"I'll pass." Rebecca gladly declined, knowing fully well she wasn't about to be the human shield in case the curse of the vehicle wrecker was real all along. 

"Don't worry, we'll get you a new one, again. It's no big deal." Chris didn't hesitate one bit to put up an offer towards the other man, his usual warm and inviting smile coming across his face as he started up the car, one hand leisurely placed on the wheel.

"You don't have to do that, Chris—really. I can get my own this time, eventually…" He denied the gracious offer with hesitance; it wouldn't be the first time he's said no, yet came home to a snazzy new bike regardless. 

"He just likes finding any excuse to buy you things." Claire couldn't help but comment with a grin towards the two, shifting to look back at Leon, who rightfully was trying to avoid direct eye contact. Even if everyone was staring at him with intrigue. "You know he'll get it for you no matter what you say or do." He sank right into his seat after hearing that. 

—-------

"Are you going to pick or just stand there?" Chris asked with a gentle sigh, waiting for Jill to finally order whatever flavor of ice cream she was so deeply contemplating for what seemed like years. At this rate, she'd been holding up the line of impatient kids—whilst Claire and Rebecca had no issues ordering and taking a seat outside the place.  

"Give me a break! It's been awhile since I ordered anything, let alone ice cream." She gave a snappy response before eventually making her decision out of the bajillion flavors this place had, and was glad to leave the devilish gazes of all those kids waiting for their daily sugar intake. 

"Did you order anything yet?" Chris directed his attention back to the silent man standing off to the side, seeming a bit fazed out—as if he'd been distracted this entire time, which might've been true. 

"Huh–? Oh, yeah… I'll just have whatever you're having, I'm not really that hungry." Leon merely shrugged his shoulders, stuffing his hands down into the pockets of his leather jacket, having his laid back demeanor as always. 

"You sure?" The older wanted to confirm, though a hint of concern was noticeable in his voice towards the other. 

"Yeah, like I said, I'm not super hungry or anything…but if I do I'll just steal some from yours." He at least had a half smile going, which was better than nothing at all, but something still felt a bit off. 

The two men returned back outside within no time, ice cream in hand as the sun was shining, people out and about, no blood curdling screams of terror. Or big tyrants stomping around. All in all it was…well, a normal, average day, by anyone else's standards. But for this group of pals in particular? This was like a dream.

"Looks like we've been ditched." Leon snarkily remarked at the supposed other three friends who'd left before them, now nowhere in sight. So…that left the both of them, alone once again to either sit in cricket filled silence as they stood on the sidewalk, or attempt at striking up a decent conversation. What the hell would they even talk about at this point? That was always the question when this scene played out, with no mission to swiftly coordinate with one another, or battle to face. Though in all honesty, neither one totally hated the silence—it was almost nice of sorts to just be in each other's company, no words needed.

"You doing okay?" Chris finally spoke up after at least five minutes of just head nodding and gestures of acknowledgement, having already taken notice of the other's odd quietness, and how he kept on resting his eyes nearly the whole time. "You've been pretty quiet all morning." 

"I'm fine, just real tired. I barely got any sleep last night…actually, scratch that, I haven't got any sleep all damn week. I guess it's catching up to me." The fatigued blond rubbed his drowsy eyes with his hand, leaning his back against the concrete wall next to the store. "I can't seem to figure out how to stop having nightmares, and I feel like I've tried everything, you know?" 

"Yeah, I do." Chris gave a weary nod in return; he definitely had similar experiences with dreams throughout his entire life, though he wasn't sure if his were as frequent, and as bad as Leon's. He's heard about them in detail before, and it didn't sound like a pleasant sight to see. He also wasn't an expert when it came to comforting people, so he gently leaned his cup of ice cream towards the other, offering it up with a kindhearted smile. 

Leon let a short chuckle go as he spotted the ice cream, decided to accept the treat, even if it wasn't a flavor he preferred—he didn't mind at all if it was coming from Chris. He pulled out one of the plastic spoons that sat in the side of it, and popped a spoon full into his mouth, pleasantly surprised by it. 

"You'll always have my shoulder to lean on, just know that." The older said whilst taking a bite of his own, happy to have seen his offer of ice cream be taken up. 

"Good, 'cause I'm beat." Leon didn't hesitate much to carefully rest his sleepy head on the side of the other's shoulder, not exactly being able to reach the top due to their slight height difference. He obviously chose to take the Chris's words more literally than figuratively—but hey, the man was exhausted, so what's the harm in it? 

The two decided to stay there, taking in the scenery; sounds of speedy cars rushing by, or the sounds of distant voices and footsteps. It was honestly quite relaxing, and with how tired Leon already was, he was struggling to even keep his eyes open as he took a long awaited rest—which no doubt wouldn't be happening if Chris wasn't here. They made each other feel safe enough to put their guards down for once. It was sort of like having a big fuzzy blanket you could hide yourself under, and you felt as if nobody could touch you. 

"Hey, Chris?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You really don't have to get me a new bike." 

"I want to." 

Leon sighed in defeat, eyes still closed, knowing there was no way he'd win this argument. 

"Maybe Claire was right when she said I use it as an excuse to buy you things, but it's also an excuse to get to see you. Without having to fight bioterrorist's in the same day."  It was true, he was always looking for little ways to try and see or talk to the agent away from anything work related, and it'd become painfully obvious to everyone around that he was trying so hard to spend time with him, well—to everyone but Leon. 

“All you have to do is ask, y’know? It’s no trouble if you ever wanna call me up and hang around, or something. No need to spend your entire life savings on me, Redfield.” He mentally cursed at his own words after some thought over them, wondering if ‘hanging around’ was the right thing to suggest, should he have recommended going out to dinner? Or perhaps another group activity? He was unsure, and the room was a bit hard to read…so, all he could really do was hope for the best. 

“I might just take you up on that, then.” Well, Chris definitely seemed up for it, so…at least he was doing something right. 

—----- 

"That's a keeper." Claire said with a smile of her own as she snapped a good photo of the two men from round the street corner, knowing it was a rare sight they were ever that close in a public setting—and she couldn't wait to see the look on her brother's face once she showed it to him later. 

"How have neither of them asked each other out?" Rebecca asked with absolute disbelief, shaking her head as she finished off her scoop of ice cream.

"Honestly, I thought Leon would be making moves left and right on him, but I realized he talks a bigger game than he's actually got. And that's just based off a few days knowing him." Jill summed it up fairly well as she watched the two, arms crossed with a small smile before she moved her gaze to the other women beside her. "You Redfields are awful at flirting too." 

"She's got a point, I've been around those two long enough to get the feeling that Chris…isn't necessarily great at flirting…" Rebecca chimed in with reluctance. 

"Hey, we're not awful flirters! I can do it just as well as anyone else, and maybe Chris…struggles, but he gets there." Claire defended the both of them with confidence in her voice, one she'd soon come to regret as she attempted trying to come up with a flirt, or pickup line, yet—she found herself stuck with infuriated embarrassment by the end of it. 

"Alright, stop— look, this is how you do it." Jill set her empty cup of melted ice cream down onto the ground, rolling her shoulders back as she stepped a few feet away, then turned around and walked up to the younger Redfield again, who was still speechless. "Hey, wanna go out some time, beautiful?" 

In all honesty, it wasn't that great of a line, and really shouldn't work on anyone. Yet the way Jill said those words—the way she walked with absolute confidence, and her voice was as smooth as ever—it lit something inside Claire that she suddenly couldn't explain, and all she could say was…

"Uh, sure–?" She uttered out with a mix of confusion, surprise, and…an interesting dose of excitement. 

"Great." Jill accepted it, and was content with her work for the day enough to begin walking back—with a flabbergasted Claire and semi entertained Rebecca following—towards the two men who were practically in their own little world—which would soon come to a speedy crash. "Is he asleep…?" She asked in a low voice. 

The sound of Jill's harsh, sudden questioning was enough to jolt Leon awake from his relaxed and peaceful state, swiftly leaving his claimed spot on Chris's shoulder and very quickly deciding to pretend as if that was the last thing he was doing. And totally was not taking an extremely enjoyable nap on his quote on quote ‘friend's’ arm. Yet now he just looked plain freaked out instead of cool and collected. "Where the hell did you all come from–?"

"We were hanging around the corner, just to let you two have some quality time to yourselves.” Rebecca answered with her usual soft tone,  though it was as clear as day she was in on whatever the three of them were conspiring over there. “Well, until Jill had something to say to you, I believe."

Chris audibly sighed, a bit bitter by the fact his moment was abruptly interrupted, but tried in his best efforts to keep calm about it, just for the 50\50 chance that whatever she had to say was important in some way, shape or form.

“What is it?”

“I asked your sister out, and she said sure.” Blunt as ever.

“You what?”

The silence had gotten so thick, you could cut it with a knife. And that soon faded into mindless staring—just waiting for someone to awkwardly cough, or say any sentence at all. Nobody was entirely sure if this was all a planned joke or quite literal. 

“Jill what do you mean? Don’t walk away!” He threw his hands up in utter confusion as he chased after her down the sidewalk, itching to get a straighter answer and much needed context he clearly missed, whilst Rebecca kept on telling them not to banter so close to the busy road. Far too many times.

Leon didn’t give many words to the whole ordeal, and instead chose to simply watch in saddened disappointment as Chris left his side; he had a blatant frown as he put his hands back in his pockets, returning to the same state he’d been in all morning within the blink of an eye. Although he did have one question that took him a bit aback, out of everything that went down. 

“I didn’t know you…well, you know, were into women–?” He tilted his head towards Claire with uncertainty to his own question, even if they’d been close friends for years now—new information still seemed to pop up out of the blue. 

“I didn’t know you were into my brother.” She didn’t even have to look back at him to get her point across, and held back a large smile while doing so. She’d noticed his sudden spring of dismay the moment Chris walked off right away, of course, and couldn’t help but comment on it if no one else would. 

The blond didn’t deny her accusation by any means, and simply took a stand by her side, a chuckle escaping his lips as they watched the other three repartee all across the street, a true sight for sore eyes getting to see them have a bit of fun. 

“I don’t think he knows either.”

[softpine]

Hi I read that little Austin snipped and I'm crying so I'm here to tell you all about it!! (tw chronic mental diseases?) My grandma was diagnosed with Parkinson's a while ago and while it's not as bad as Alzheimer's or something like that, I can already see her physical and mental deterioration and I just relate so much to that distance to who she used to be. I'm the oldest grandkid, my mom's the oldest, and even though we live further we do a lot of the caretaking for her (even if she doesn't need it as much as Papa). It's all so inevitable and dooming and there's nothing I can do about it but wish on equally imaginary, distant and deaf ears. I don't have like a life lesson or anything, I just wanted to say that I feel seen and that's why I'm off anon this time because idk, it just felt like I should. You don't even have to publish this if you don't want to. You're an amazing writer and storyteller. Thanks. ♡

oh man thank you so much for sharing 🥺 it's unbelievably hard to watch someone you love begin to lose core aspects of their personality. so many people in my family have had alzheimer's but it never gets easier. my dad is only 50 and he's already showing signs of memory loss, which we've all expected, but it's so fucking hard to accept that this is really happening. my own chances of getting it are extremely high (i've even taken genetic tests to confirm my susceptibility) and it's always been one of my absolute worst fears, so i hope i can treat this topic with the weight it deserves. like you said, the feeling of inevitability and impending doom is the hardest thing to shake when it comes to illnesses in this realm. it feels like no matter what you do, your future & the future of those you love are predestined :(

but i do believe there is so much beauty in the world, and as long as we're still breathing on this earth, we'll find it. that goes for everyone ♥ you're doing an amazing thing by helping your grandma through this time in her life. showing someone dignity and kindness in whatever way you can is so important. i wish you and your family well 💖💖

[pardi-real]

Honeymoon Knight / Chapter 17 - Reliable Butlers

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~ A while later ~

We were done trying on wedding outfits, so we left the store and walked through the streets.

Before that… I tried on the outfits picked by the 4 of them, including Muu. All the outfits were wonderful… Just being able to try them on made me feel good, but most of all, I was happy to be complimented. 

Flure: "My lord, you seem quite happy, don't you?"

> “Huh? D-do I?” > (Did it show on my face…?)

Miyaji: "It's good to see you enjoying yourself."

Lato: "Kufufu. I'll make sure you have even more fun."

> "Thank you, everyone"

Lato: "But still... This trip seems to be peaceful, huh…"

Flure: "What do you mean by that all of a sudden, Lato."

Lato: "We were requested to be the noble's escorts… Not only that the nobles aren't attacked by thieves or citizens... There haven't been any angel attacks either. Spending time with my lord is enjoyable, but... Thinking about standing still again from tomorrow makes me depressed out of boredom."

Muu: "He seemed so happy just a moment ago... It's really sudden."

Flure: "Lato has these moments occasionally. Suddenly changing the topic... Confusing everyone."

Lato: "Sigh... Wouldn't it be nice if one or two angels attacked..."

Miyaji: "Lato. You shouldn't say things like that too often. Many people have lost families and acquaintances from angel attacks. You never know who might be listening to your words."

Lato: "Hmm... But I just want to destroy angels, you know? Of course, I genuinely want a life-or-death battle with angels... I'm not going to pretend I don't. It's my duty to destroy angels, after all. Those who have suffered... Wouldn't they be happy if I defeated the angels? Personally... I don't particularly want the angels to rampage and erase humans as they please... I haven't said anything to the contrary, have I?"

Miyaji: "I see. Lato, I understand what you're trying to say. You interpreted it that way from my statement.  However... Perceptions vary depending on the listener. So... even if you have no ill intentions... It's better not to say things that might hurt someone.  Especially because it might backfire on you. I know you don't intend to hurt anyone... But those who don't know much about you... might not interpret it that way."

Lato: "Prof. Miyaji... Understood. If Prof. Miyaji says so, I won't say it."

Miyaji: "Thank you, Lato."

Flure: "This exchange... Feels like we've done it thousands of times already..."

Muu: "Th-Thousands of times...?"

Lato: "Hmm... It does feel like I've heard this before."

Muu: "I-I see... So you've been warned before."

Flure: "Sigh... Lato has no interest in anyone other than those around him... He doesn't fully understand Prof. Miyaji's words. It's a different story if it concerns avoiding harm to you, my lord... or for Prof. Miyaji's sake, though…”

> "Well, that's just how Lato is"

Flure: “My lord... You seem to be less surprised by Lato's words and actions by now. Well, it's only natural after being together for over a year."

Buzz—! Buzz—!

> "Huh!?"

Miyaji: "...!! This alarm is...!"

Flure: "C-Could it be an angel alarm!?"

Lato: "Prof. Miyaji. Can I go hunting?"

Miyaji: "Yeah. But we'll go with you."

Lato: "My lord. Please release my power."

Flure: "M-me too...! Please, my lord!"

> "Understood."

‘Come forth, allies of the Covenant. I summon thee.' 'By the pact with the demon, release the power of Flure and Lato.'

Flure: "Thank you, my lord. Lato. Where did the angel appear?"

Lato: "I hear screams coming from the west. It sounds like people are fleeing."

Flure: "To the west... Let's go, Lato...!"

Tap tap tap

Flure: "Hey, Lato...! Sigh... He's acting on his own again!"

Miyaji: "Flure. Let's follow Lato. My lord and Muu, stay close to me."

> "Okay”

Muu: “Y-yes!”

[Tisailles, Town's West Area]

Tap tap tap

Flure: "There he is! It's Lato!"

When we caught up... Lato was in the midst of fighting an angel. That said... the angel's wings were already broken, and it was lying on the ground. And Lato, with his foot on the angel's back, threw the dagger he held... towards the angel's body.

Angel: "............"

Lato: "Hff... hff...  Fufu… fufufu…. It was quite a swift angel. I enjoyed it."

Miyaji: "He defeated it before we arrived... Lato is truly amazing."

> "I'm glad he's safe..."

Miyaji: "Yeah, me too."

At that moment, when we were relieved.

Angel: "............"

From an alley behind Lato... another angel flew towards him at a rapid speed. I immediately shouted to warn Lato.

> "W-watch out...!" > “Lato…!”

Miyaji: "Lato...!"

Whoosh... Thud...!

Almost simultaneously with our shouts... an arrow pierced the angel's wing. The angel lost balance... and crashed into a building wall, passing by Lato. The arrow that was released was shot by Flure, who was right behind me.

> "Flure...!"

Flure: "Lato...! Now!"

Lato: "Yes, I got it...!"

Shunk...!

Angel: " ‘D-die… f-for… for…’ ‘............’ "

Lato: "Hm…… I didn't expect there were two... I was a little too careless."

Flure: "Phew... that was close."

> "Flure! That was amazing!"

Flure: "M-my lord... Thank you."

Muu: "Flure's shot! It was amazing! Shooting down the angel's wings that flew at such a high speed in an instant!"

Flure: "I'm really glad it hit..."

Miyaji: "If it weren't for Flure's arrow... I don't know what would have happened. It was a good decision. Amazing, Flure."

Flure: "P-prof. Miyaji too..."

Lato: "Kufufu... to think that Flure saved me this time... We've been together for quite a while, but perhaps this is the first time?"

Flure: "Maybe… yes."

Lato: "Flure's reliability is evident even in situations like this. Truly... you've grown stronger, Flure."

Flure: "Lato..."

Miyaji: "Let's inform everyone about Flure's heroic deed today."

Flure: "N-no... You don't have to."

Miyaji: "There's no need to be modest. You saved a comrade from an angel's danger. It's something to be proud of and... praised. I want everyone to know about your growth and abilities."

Flure: "P-Prof. Miyaji..."

Miyaji: “Don't you agree, my lord?"

> “Yes!" > "Flure, you were amazing!"

Flure: "My lord... Thank you… very much. Fufu… I'm glad I continued practicing archery."

As Flure spoke with such joy, his eyes glistened with tears. We observed him warmly in that moment. And thus, the journey in Tisailles came to a close.

note: edited Flure's dialogue because I misunderstood that line

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[spacedustmantis]

so... episode 73, huh?

I've been having a lot of thoughts about gillion and his approach to emotions, and it's all been kickstarted by the last episode

(spoilers for the just roll with it riptide campaign up to ep. 73 below, also discussions of multiple not so nice topics, such as self-hatred, lack of parental figures / abandonment, atlas personality, physical and emotional abuse, isolation, neglect and indoctrination. be safe.

also i am very aware that most of what I'm gonna say is not necessarily new to a lot of people and it's by no means a revelation, this is supposed to be more of a getting-my-thoughts-in-order kind of post. I don't really have a structure planned for this one, so get ready for a lot of rambling and don't expect a conclusion or anything of the sorts

also every english teacher on earth is gonna hate me for this, but I'm not providing any context. this analysis is not gonna do you any good if you aren't familiar with the rough plot of riptide. I'll do my best to make it clear which scenes I'm referencing in case you want to watch / listen to them to refresh.)

basically this whole thing started bc I thought that gillion was behaving quite strangely this episode (ep 73). of course, considering his situation (everything he's learned about his "purpose" in the episodes before the feywild, being in a phase of change and finding himself etc.) and the catalyst being the kidnapping of pretzel, it's not surprising to see him act differently, but what threw me off was that he was hugely inconsistent in his behavior.

now if I wasn't aware that charlie is an absolute improv and acting genius, I might have waved this off as the player being unsure of the best approach, but charlie doesn't only know how to be in character, he also knows said character impossibly well. he's proven again and again that he understands gillion's situation and the effects of his life on him to a tee.

and so I took a closer look at the inconsistencies to figure out a pattern. surprise, surprise! I did!

most instances I found have to do with his projected intent and mood, and his actual intent and mood.

after pretzel got kidnapped, gillion took an oath of vengeance and, very in line with that oath, started acting scary, forward to the point of aggression and very, very angry.

yet despite his demeanor he does not resist when asked to cooperate by the staff (who as far as he knows works with the very people he suspects took pretzel), offers dirla his help with their stolen cub and shows genuine interest in helping everyone who's lost someone to the pig girl, and goes out of his way to save the pixie that fell off of the flying pug. and even though it might not come across that way because of the weird mix of behaviors, he still tries his best to be as polite and well-mannered as possible. these are all things that gillion would have done before, but now contrasted by this sinister act, that he seems to only half commit to, they feel weird.

one instance I wanted to highlight was the conversation he and jay had with the pixie in the big tent. here is where gillion gets really upfront and explicitly aggressive (even though his attempt at kidnapping failed) for the first time, and he immediately gets interrupted by a sudden outpour of emotions when the pixie tells him that her pet weasel is called peanutbutter. charlie tells us ooc that gillion broke out in tears because he saw himself in her. what that means is that he saw a person who clearly loved their pet a lot and gave them a food related name, and the resemblance to him and his own pet was enough to break through his normally very strong emotional barrier (we'll come back to this) In Front Of Other People!

this reaction could be due to the pixie and her weasel reminding him that he very much misses his own beloved pet, or because he gets hit with the realization that this pixie could also lose her pet, or, most likely, it's a mixture of both. normally both of these would act as a motivator to get going and fix things, but gillion instead just kinda falls down sobbing.

the way he talks to the pixie shortly after he broke down, also shows a weird juxtaposition between his tone of speaking, which is extremely childlike and sounds very vulnerable for once, and the words that he says (talk about murder and torture) which again ties into the previously established inconsistency.

all of this leads me to the most obvious hint at what is going on with gillion and why he behaves the way he behaves: the fact that he breaks down crying the second he's by himself. it's like a big, red, sparkly, blinking arrow that points us to the source of everything.

gillion is putting on a facade. one that crumbles the moment he is alone.

and sure this is pretty obvious - we've known that he isn't really one to be vulnerable - but the moment I actually sat down to think about what this facade would mean for gillion, all of the above listed inconsistencies (and more) started making perfect sense.

to understand we need to take a look at what we know about his upbringing.

what we know of course is the whole deal with being raised as a weapon for the elders, being taken from his family, his training etc. but we actually know shockingly little about his relationship to the elders and his day to day life. all we have are implications and speculations. however, even though not much has been confirmed, most things we learn about gillions childhood work together to create a picture and we can fill in the blanks with relative ease.

we aren't given a specific age that gillion was taken by the elders but we know that he was already in training by age eight (gillion's first secret in the meat room ep. 52) and I think it's safe to assume he was taken way earlier, seeing as the prophecy and the incidents surrounding his birth (allegedly) lined up perfectly and the elders would have been informed immediately, since the whole prophecy thing is a huge deal to them. (Edit: as of ep. 79 we know that he was taken at age five or younger)

we also know, thanks to the description of young gillion in ep. 72, that he was bruised and wearing "clothes and armor that's a little too big for him". so the elders clearly had no issue harming a small child (even if it was due to the training, you don't just hurt a kid like that) and the not-fitting clothes indicate serious neglect. even form-fitted armor would not have been a huge trouble for the elders, the literal highest authority in the undersea, to get.

the isolation from any friends or family (except edyn) gillion experienced while in training isn't even just implied, it's outright stated multiple times, most notably during the conversation with edyn in ep. 58, when she is talking about pretzel being intended to help with his loneliness. the elders even held control over how much he was allowed to see his sister and restricted the frequency more and more the older he got.

in that conversation gillion talks about how he was not the best student and had to take "extra lessons" (Edit: we now know that these extra lessons stem from the elders refusal to explain their expectations to gillion, ep. 77), and how he did not get much time (if any at all) for hobbies, which leads me to believe that any deviation from the intended path (such as misbehaving or interests in non chosen one stuff) was punished and beaten out of him, figuratively, or even literally.

the elders made gillion do stuff he did not want to do (also ep. 58, same conversation) (Edit: also ep. 75) and did not let him do stuff he did want to do, and still he holds an unwavering trust in them for a very long time even after he was exiled, a clear sign that his perception of the elders as rightful authority has been really deeply ingrained in his brain. not once would he question the elders since to him they are infallible.

and of course we are all quite familiar with the very core of gillion's story; the ideals instilled within him by years and years of influence by the elders and the prophecy: the very black-and-white view on morality, the "greater good" being much more important than his own life, the undersea being superior to any other faction and the clear correct choice once gillion's destiny rolls around, the idea that he carries all of the responsibility for literally every creature of the undersea and also every other person or creature (in that order of priority), the justification of murder (as long as they're "evil" of course) and the notion that he is only of any worth if he can be a weapon for someone to use, or a shield for someone to take refuge behind. (all of this is displayed in his behavioral patterns over the course of the campaign and I won't be digging out any scenes for you to go back to. if you aren't familiar with these patterns why are you here? /lh)

all of this paints a picture of abuse, neglect, isolation (and the distance from actual society that comes with it, which in turn results in easier manipulation), control and indoctrination, not to mention the absolute abandonment from his biological parents.

the amount of psychological issues that stem from this is enough to fill a whole book:

a lack of self-worth bordering on self-hatred and a very self-sacrificial nature, abandonment issues, an atlas personality (if you can't infer what that means through context clues, google it, it should be the very first result) and trauma from the elders' abuse.

the following part will only really talk about the last two, since they are the most relevant to how gillion approaches his emotions.

the whole facade that gillion puts on again and again is essentially one big trauma response. as many have already observed, gillion has two very strongly contrasting sides to him. one is his more "true" self which shows more and more as he stays with the riptide pirates. he starts finding joy in otherwise "useless" activities such as joking around and even pulling pranks (ep. 42), he stands up for himself instead of just others, and he begins very slowly and cautiously opening up to his friends.

certain situations (his friends being in danger, a village in need of saving, an insult to his honor) tend to trigger the other side of him (which used to be the only side that ever saw the light of day) to show: heroic, righteous, strong, but also closed off, self-sacrificial, and afraid of failure. part of this side, or this trauma response, is this facade. he falls back into old habits, habits that used to keep him alive: do the right thing even if it means the death of yourself or an enemy, if in doubt the undersea is superior, be on your best behavior, and whatever you do Do Not show weakness.

on top of all that comes the atlas thing, the idea that the world is resting on his shoulders and it's his job to fix everything.

so he restrains any show of emotions not just because back in the undersea that was dangerous, could get him in trouble, but just as importantly he was taught that his own emotions come last and being emotional could harm others. and it's his job to help everyone else no matter the cost.

and this explains pretty much all of gillions behavior this episode, especially if one considers that he is very emotionally affected by pretzels disappearance, which means that it is much harder for him to keep up the act. the mix of threatening and weirdly polite, his oath to get vengeance and yet not hurting anyone who might have been involved with the kidnapping, the stark contrast between cornering the pixie and collapsing on top of her sobbing, are all a result of all of his different pre-established patterns and systems of how to function clashing, and so of course it's a mess. he's angry at the pig-girl, rightfully so, but that also triggers the anger towards the entire world he's in that isn't intrinsic but has been instilled in him by the elders. he wants to be threatening but his instincts tell him to be well-behaved. he feels like he cannot let anyone see how he's actually feeling but he's so strung up that it only takes the name of the pet of a stranger to make him cry. and he expresses the most amount of emotion he probably ever has in front of others while talking about harming and killing people.

even the very fact that he made the oath of vengeance points us to his childhood; the moment something happens which he does not know how to solve otherwise, something that he cannot deal with in the same way he deals with other things, he makes an oath, or a deal, or a bargain. it's a pattern that's wormed it's way through the entire campaign ever since his talk with niklaus hendrix (ep. 8) and found it's beginning in his original paladin oath, one he took due to the conditioning and expectations of the elders. (my theory is that he finds something comforting in making a deal with someone higher up in the food chain than him. fucking freak.)

another interesting aspect to look at under this new light is his initial reaction to finding pretzels bowl empty. first thing he does is scream. multiple times. to me that is a very clear very vulnerable expression of emotion. and then - he does nothing. until he's prompted to break the mirror by jay. and it's only until after that plan fails that gillion starts his whole vengeance spiel, which we now know is most likely an attempt at fixing things the way he should as instructed by the elders. in that short period of time before that he is aimless. he's just gillion and he lost his pet and he doesn't know what to do. in that moment his initial reaction is utter despair, pure emotion, and once he had time to gather himself that's when he doesn't see any other way than to do something painfully familiar. and with that also comes the whole barrage of old behavioral patterns that lead to him acting the way he does.

so that's this episode, but of course, similar, less obvious cases are sprinkled all throughout the campaign.

the one that immediately comes to mind is the fight for honor between him and chip (ep. 15), where the moment his honor is wounded, he opts for a fight to the death, even though at this point he already considers chip his friend.

or in ep. 8, insisting on a fight with niklaus and even going for a second round after getting downed by niklaus in one hit, and then accepting a deal that he knows is bad news, all because it would save the mayor and his daughter (because, quick refresher, they could have just let the mayor die and that would have lifted the curse). and "what is one more burden" right?

or the fact that he still sees having fun with his friends as an actual literal sin!! (ep. 71)

or letting jay down him willingly, even removing his armor (ep. 53)

and so on and so forth. there's probably a lot of subtle one-liners or passing ooc remarks, that I can't remember, but you get the gist.

the gist being that gillion grew up not being gillion, but The Chosen One instead. and now that he has the freedom to be both, there are some really messy consequences, and it's actually incredible what a grip charlie has on all of these layers and behaviors and I get more and more fascinated by him the deeper I dig.

we have not even touched certain aspects of gillion's character and journey, there's his fish out of water issue, very subtle hints that he might have been suicidal at one point, not to mention what his banishment from the undersea did to him. but all of that is another conversation entirely.

anyway! I hope you enjoyed this very all over the place, rambly analysis post, even though there's not many new thoughts or revelations in here and I basically winged it! the moment I started this train of thought on saturday I just couldn't get to rest until I put this whole thing together.

now I finally know peace.

can't wait for the next episode on friday to disprove all of what I said

(also please feel free to add onto this, tell me how I got it wrong, derail the post etc. I love reading other people's thoughts on stuff I say)

(@wrinklemcdinkle

@snails-in-spaceships

@keenscribbles

@poly-pirates-my-beloved

@enby-ralsei

@littlefoxwithbighat

@burning-sol)

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP,

First of all, I love your blog. I am so happy to see you active.

Second of all, I agree with that anon about finding Jimin fascinating. I have never been this intrigued by any other celebrity. I find him different but I don't know why. He is good looking but so are other idols. I mean it's Kpop. Most have to be good looking to make it. It's just such a weird thing. Like you can't help but notice him. Everytime I watch a BTS related content, he is the first person I notice. He isn't even my favourite but my eyes will instantly see him before anyone else. He also somehow leaves the strongest mark in any mvs or performances or even simple content. It's weird. I don't get it.

***

Hi Anon, 💜

I saw your ask come in days ago, just as I was logging out of the app and felt a bit bad because I knew I wouldn't have any time for Tumblr for the next few days. Lately, I've actually wanted to remain active here, but life keeps getting in the way. I know it's not a big deal but I really am thankful that so many of you understand that I'm active here only when I can afford to be. 💜

On to more interesting topics, yes to everything you said about Jimin. There's no other member I write about here more than Jimin and it's something I don't ever feel like apologizing for because that man is infinitely captivating.

It's rare to see someone who recognizes exactly what he is, as young as Jimin did. There are many points over the years that Jimin has done something, and it registered in my head that this man is different. It's human to be a bit self-indulgent, to be a little self-absorbed, a little self-deception is a very natural mechanism that sometimes shields us from other people's projections and malicious intent. And so it struck me as almost inhuman in how acutely aware Jimin was to recognize his need to be seen, heard, in the most audacious format available to him as a 13 year old boy in Busan, South Korea.

His depth of self-knowledge, indicative of his unusually high intelligence, is at the source of his magnetism and charisma. In my opinion. You can see it in his eyes and it amplifies his already unnatural beauty.

I recently started speaking with a Jimin-bias on Twitter and we've become good friends. She described Jimin like this (and I've linked in sources):

"Jimin of BTS is the man who wrote a detailed essay that convinced his parents to let him study dance over science or law, who landed an esteemed dance and martial arts scholarship, who went against his teacher (Lee Hwa Sung’s) wishes of going the more secure route excelling as a professional modern dancer given his talents, to instead pursue his dream to become an idol, who called his dad once a month as a trainee of a nearly bankrupt agency saying “don’t worry dad. Even if I don’t make it this way I’ll make it another way”, who debuted as main dancer and lead vocalist with what is now the biggest group in the world despite having the shortest training period in Big Hit’s history and one of the shortest training periods in all of kpop to date."

*

That is one reason I am ecstatic about FACE. The music itself is one thing and we'll deal with that when we get there - I may or may not like the music (though given what he's released so far, the fact he's in BTS, and him working with RM and PDogg, I doubt it). But the subject matter of FACE: Park Jimin, would interest me even if I was on my death bed with only 10 KB of data available for me to use one last time.

*

I'm not very good at explaining what I mean, but I hope those who love him don't take offense when I call Jimin a freak. Because that is what I'm absolutely convinced he is. I don't know how else to express just how beastly I think he really is. Looking at him for me is like looking at one of those lenticular prints that shift into different things depending on lighting - like you turn your head one way looking at Jimin and you see a panther, turn your head another way and you see a dove, turn yet another way and you see a snake. And each animal is the most perfect expression of its form. He hones every quality he expresses with a meticulousness that scares me sometimes, because every example of that sort of personality I've seen in music has burnt out or passed before 40 (Prince being the only exception). The rapline have an identical quality but they seem less volatile than Jimin to me for some reason.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm excited about FACE and Anon when I saw your ask come in days ago, I suspected you were fishing (lol), but also I love Jimin and will take every excuse to talk about him. It's also way easier to talk about him than it is to talk about Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok for me lol.

Speaking of which, it goes without saying that Jimin's evolution in self-awareness is also a result of his relationship with the rapline in BTS, as well as some other members. Jimin's comments about how he relies on those three, of what he thinks of their characters, and about how those three have assisted and influenced him, are consistent with how I see them too.

Back to Jimin, he's a once in a lifetime personality and there's nothing wrong with admitting it.

(Me too, Jungkook. Me too.)

Make sure you've pre-saved FACE, stream On The Street, and stay hydrated. 💜

[justabooknerdposts]

Hey can i request Percy always saying can I ask a dumb question before actually asking something and Annabeth having enough and saying something Percy you are not dumb I don’t know why you have to always bring it up I love you and you’re not dumb and Percy just having self steem issues and being pessimistic but Annabeth being the best girlfriend ever

Hi! Great question and I like this idea, but I'm actually closed to prompts right now--too much going on in life to keep up with them at the moment. However, I kind of already did a scene like this in my story Study Break (follow the link if you want to read the full story), so I'm sharing that scene here!

From Study Break (posted on Fanfiction and A03):

The following Friday found them sitting on opposite ends of the couch in Percy's apartment. Annabeth's legs were tucked up under her and she was chewing on the end of a pen, trying to stay focused on her AP Government textbook, desperate to find any topic that might hold her interest long enough to write an essay about it. Percy had been sitting back with his feet on the coffee table, but now he'd set them on the ground as he hunched over his chemistry homework, nose wrinkled in concentration as he looked from his textbook to his notes and back again, occasionally muttering to himself. The noise of Sally and Paul getting ready to leave and go see a show drifted down the hall, reminding Annabeth that it was once again Friday night and maybe it would be nice to do something besides study. But she glanced at Percy, focused on his work, and decided not to interrupt him. Fighting back a sigh, Annabeth returned her attention to her own homework.

Ten minutes after his parents left, however, Percy swore and threw down his pencil. Annabeth jumped and looked at him as he dumped his chemistry stuff on the floor and cursed again. "I give up. I can't do this."

"What?"

Percy leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, his head in his hands. "I can't freaking do this. I don't get it."

"Chemistry?" Annabeth set her own book and pen down and cautiously scooted towards him. "Percy, I can help you. I mean, balancing equations is a pain and all but—"

"It's not just chemistry. Or physics. Or pre-calculus. Or whatever other stupid classes I'm taking." Because his face was still buried in his hands, his voice was muffled as he said, "I hate studying. I'm not—I'm not a good student. And no matter how hard I try, I'm not good enough."

"Percy—"

"I got my SAT scores back again. They went down." His shoulders slumped farther. His voice was almost inaudible as he said, "I don't know why I thought college was an option for me. I really am an idiot for thinking I could do this."

"Hey." Annabeth's voice came out sharper than she intended, but she thought maybe that wasn't a bad thing. "Stop it. Percy, look at me."

When he didn't, she moved until she was right beside him, then, as gently as she could manage, moved his hands away from his face and tugged him upright, though he still wouldn't meet her eyes.

So she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. She hated seeing the shame etched on his features, especially when she didn't think he had anything to be ashamed of. "Nobody gets to talk about my boyfriend that way. Not even my boyfriend." She kissed him, hard. "Test scores aren't everything. Neither is New Rome. I mean, I know that's what we'd talked about, but if they don't want you, then screw them. We'll figure something else out. I've been researching other places, state schools and community colleges, and there are options."

Percy swallowed. "But I don't want to hold you back from—"

She kissed him again before he could finish that sentence. "No way. You don't get to pull that guilt trip on yourself because it's not true. And you don't have to be good at school to be good enough. Percy, you're—you're one of the best people I've ever met. Plus you're really good at a lot of things. Who cares if standardized tests and homework aren't some of them?"

He lowered his eyes. "I just don't want to let you down."

Annabeth ran her thumbs along the fine, fragile bones beneath his eyes, which wouldn't meet hers. Emotion briefly choked her, but finally she said, "Percy, you have never let me down. And I'm proud of how hard you've been working. You can do this." She kissed him once more, gently this time. "I believe in you."

He nodded, but his shoulders were still slumped, his attitude defeated. An idea crossed Annabeth's mind and she decided to go with it. Standing up from the couch, she held out her hand. "Come on. We're leaving."

Percy looked up then in surprise. "What? To go where?"

"Just trust me. Do you have Riptide?"

He raised an eyebrow, then pulled the pen out of his jeans pocket. "Don't I always?"

"Good." She hauled him off the couch and to the front door, stopping to grab her drakon bone sword, and their sweatshirts, on the way. "Don't forget your key."

Keep reading here

[roppongi-division]

Zakari's Thoughts on Kobe Division

Ren Nakashima

"Wow, Ren "Vox" Nakashima, himself. Hard to believe a guy that's only 20 is known all around Japan as a celebrity. I mean, I'm pretty popular, myself. But compared to this guy... I'm a crumb while he's a whole cake! Don't take that as a sign that I'm envious of the guy or anything! I mean, it's only cause of my dad's awesome music-making and producing skills that he's the success that he is. ...But still, even I have to give credit where credit is due. The guy is a genius. A musical genius, anyway."

Max Soukoku

"I like hanging out with Max! I know everyone at school likes to give him a wide berth cause he's so scary, but really, once you get to know the guy, he's pretty cool! I mean, I wouldn't go to him if you're looking for conversation or anything, but that's fine! I do most of the talking between us, anyway! Plus, believe it or not, he's actually on good terms with Sumire in Shinagawa! When we have time, we'll often go over there and watch her participate in robot fights, which she always wins, by the way!"

"Like I said, I know people give him a wide berth, but he's only scary to people who have nothing else better to do than bother him for no reason. Let me tell you, I saw him deal with a bunch of guys who were picking on him. ...I'll say this: this kid, he is one guy you definitely don't want to meet in a dark alley!"

Kaiji Sano

"...You know, I'm a bit jealous of Kaiji. Not because of his fame or anything, but because he can pull off the feminine look so much easier than I can! I've tried watching some of his moves on PROFILE and T.V. to pull off what he does on stage and I keep failing! I've even tried dressing up like him! I took some of my mom's clothes and make-up to wear, but I still fell flat on my face! To make matters worse, both my parents came to see what I was doing and they saw me... ya' know. Boy, that was embarrassing. I couldn't face either of them for a week before my mom gently decided to broach the topic. God, that was humiliating!"

Lovesick

"Man, all these guys are younger than me, and they're already well-known across Japan. ...Well, maybe not Max, but I don't think he cares for the fame like Ren and Kaiji. ...It actually begs the question, why did he join their team anyway? Actually, why are any of these guys in the D.R.B.? It doesn't sound like Chuohku forced them. And my dad says that Ren joined because of someone in one of the other teams, which doesn't tell you much. I mean, do you have any idea how many teams are in this tournament?"

"...Oh well. Whatever the reason is, I wish Max and them the best of luck, though I'm sure they won't need it. ...Well, at least not until they face my parents and I!"

[scorchieart]

Who do you think Clavis's favorite brother is?

Hello Anon, you'll have to forgive me for taking a few days to get back to you on this. You see, it is a question I never considered before, and now that I've toiled ruminated over it for far too many hours I believe it does not have a clear answer.

I may be mistaken, but I seem to recall some promotional materials for the game's release that were set up as interviews with the princes, and one of the questions that was asked was "Who is your favorite brother?" Obviously, I can't recall what Clavis said because I don't know if it even existed (if one of you peoples reading this has any idea of what I'm talking about, do let me know!!)

BUT you specifically asked who I think his favorite brother is, so I take that as permission to go free reign with some more superfluous soul searching. So zip up your jackets, friends!

While I do believe Clavis loves each of the princes (love may be a strong word, but this game gives us plenty of interpretations) I think he is closest to his older brothers. At the very least, we're told he interacts with them the most (before the events of the game and during) and it is with them he reveals his truest self/intentions... to a degree.

I'll go more into my lots for each below the cut because we'll have to dive into some pretty spoilery territory for Jin, Chevalier, Clavis, and Luke's routes. But if you want the tldr: My mind says Jin, but my heart says Chevalier.

Jin

Clavis seems to hang out with Jin by choice the most outside of work. They hit up the town as drinking buddies and... discuss their preferred topics freely. They share a penchant for doting on their yonger brothers. Clavis also admits early on in Jin's route that he's his "partner in crime" and that's pretty telling coming from the palace prankster. Clavis is never usually one to hold back on sharing his opinion, but when Jin is in the room they get to back each other up (or start a heated debate, it depends on the tides).

Looking further into Jin's route, Clavis not-so-subtly hints at Jin's association with Obsidian and his knowledge of it, claiming that makes them both not to be trusted. But even if he brands themselves as villains, he still makes a point to get involved with Jin's activities and (once again) back him up when he needs it. Jin has a tendency to be self sacrificing because he knows his value as the first prince and believes he cannot right the sins of his and his father's pasts otherwise, but Clavis is usually around to help steer his head back when he goes too far. Another example of this is in Luke's route for a similar reasoning.

At the end of Jin's romantic route, Belle deduces the reason Clavis interfered was because he was afraid of losing Jin, and even though Clavis denies it, we know what's up. (I haven't played the dramatic end, but considering Clavis was basically the crossroad at Chapter 20, I'm betting he's pretty important there, too).

So Clavis enjoys Jin's company and would rather it not end, right? Sounds like a favorite brother to me! Unfortunately, Jin ends up playing a very minimal role in Clavis's route (I was really surprised about this) which brings us to candidate number two...

Chevalier

"But Scorchie, you're all about textual evidence, and Clavis says multiple times that he hates Chevalier AND wants to kill him!"

You're not wrong, imaginary voice in my head, but I think it's safe to say that these princes aren't very good at being honest with themselves. And Clavis tells A LOT of lies, so in lieu of dissecting each and every time Clavis mentions Chevalier (which I would be more than happy to do, mind you it's getting close to dinnertime) let's start with his POV stories.

Clavis says before he met Chevalier he heard of the amazing feats he accomplished at a young age, so he was very excited to have such a brother. But, as we know Chevalier wasn't as... keen on returning his affection. But Clavis never gave up trying to get Chevalier to befriend him, because let's be honest who wouldn't want to be noticed by the genius born once every thousand years? Clavis's goal was to be a prince worthy enough to stand beside him. However, after their mothers' passings, Clavis felt he failed as a son and as a brother, so he shifted the blame onto the one person he felt deserved to be grieving as much as he. Thus, his hatred toward Chevalier was truly solidifed.

And you know the rest of the story, so I won't bother you with recounting it. Although, I will mention Chevalier's take on this. He mentions in Clavis's dramatic end that no matter what happens, no matter who comes and goes, that he will be there to catch his mistakes and rectify them. And we know Clavis knows this too, because he sent Cyran to deliver Belle to the border knowing Chevalier would be there waiting, and the encouragement Clavis displayed once Chevalier and Belle confronted Gilbert was just what he needed to get back on top.

And let's not forget Clavis's sideline cheerleader act through pretty much all of Chevalier's route. He says it was for his amusement to see Chevalier's happiness get ripped away, but we know what's up.

There is a ton more nuance going on deeper here, and I don't think Clavis would ever admit to anyone or himself that he likes Chevalier (he can't stand being in the same room as him sometimes), but at the very least I believe he would be very lost if Chevalier were to disappear. Can't get more ironic than that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, you're still here? Well, I'm flattered by your interest in these fellas (or maybe you just wanted to see if I'd leave anything fun at the end, in which case you're right!)

Have a silly scene of number 1 and number 2 fighting to be giant Clavis's favorite bro. Or they're fighting him, it's sorta up to your interpretation I guess.

Maybe after I fill up the food tank I'll post some screenshots and more dooblee do's~~

[imsiriuslyreading]

hello i wasn’t quite sure where to send this so i’ll put it here for the moment. i just wanted to say that i found myself a quiet afternoon to binge ‘i have no milk’ and i am finding it so so lovely. you’ve both made wonderful companions today, and making lots of ppl give me strange looks as i laugh at seemingly nothing :))

also perhaps on a strange note but i’m a bit younger than you guys and i’m finding the style of conversation and topics, etc, all rather comforting(?). it gives the same vibe as that ‘because the world didn’t end when i was 15’ trend, is the best way i can phrase it. listening to you discuss your lives and the expectations you had for them and then them being Not Those Expectations but here you are making a podcast, reading your fics and making new friends etc etc. it all kind of feels like you’re patting me on my little anxious head and going ‘the world isn’t ending it’s just changing’.

anyway i haven’t a clue if that actually made any sense but i’m enjoying the podcast immensely and hoping you’re both well and looking forward to more to come !!

hello lovely thing,

this was the most beautiful message to wake up to, oh my goodness.

firstly, thanks ever so much for listening. Montana and I are very honoured to have been your friends alongside your sunday afternoon <3 no better way to spend a day, if you ask me.

we both adored your message, particularly the part about 'the world didn't end at 15', alongside the 'world isn't ending, it's just changing.' because I think you're onto something a bit special there.

something i've noticed is that, yes, as you said, the world didn't end at 15. it didn't end at 17, 19, 24, 27 etc for me either, although sometimes it sort of felt like it had. but it did change, and so did i, as we all do, but some things stay the same i reckon.

the main one being is the need and want for connections and friends throughout your life. everyone has it, i think, whether or not its something they speak about freely. our whole lives, the Big Expectations of What Your Life Should Look Like is drilled into us so thoroughly, and in actuality, the older I get, the less i find all that matters. I've done some cool things over the last few years in my career. I've had the whole long-term relationship on the right track to marriage and the big house, blah blah blah. but none of that matters, really.

my career is boring as sin and I'm always looking for the things that set my soul on fire. that relationship burned into nothingness and, frankly, i couldn't be happier about it.

the bits that stick, though, are the friends you make. we go through such periods of loneliness where it feels like we'll never find our people. but we do find them. often in the most unexpected places (harry potter fanfiction I'm looking you dead in the eye right now). and let me tell you, I'm pretty sure I've found my soulmates here, if that's not too cheesy. I've felt more highs and lows in fiction and friends in the past year or so than I have probably my whole life. and when I was a teenager or in my early 20s, I'd look at people my age now and think 'god you're like, a real grown up.' but fuck if they exist, really. we're all just toddling along, doing our best and seeing what sticks.

and honestly, the best bit about getting to grow older is that you discover so much more of yourself, and get the chance to craft who you are into someone you're proud of.

so, i guess, what i'm trying to say is that I'm absolutely thrilled to hear our conversations felt like a little reassuring pat on the head. because whatever life ends up looking like, as long as you love it, or big parts of it at least, i think that's what matters.

and thank you, because your message felt a bit like a pat on the head, too. and it meant so much more to me (and Montana!) than you know.

I'm excited for you to decide whats next in your story.

have the most beautiful day and thank you ever so much once again for sending this <3

[longeyelashedtragedy]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @tetrapod7 ...i did some of them already, but not all! so i might as well answer the ones i didn't already answer!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 155! now that i have an anonymous fic these all will get more annoying to answer, looool

2. what's your total ao3 word count? 478,822

3. what fandoms do you write for? right now i just write for "men's football rpf." i'm occasionally tempted to write for the Old Fandom again.

4. top five fics by kudos: top 5 of all time are all from a song of ice and fire days:

drabbles of ice and fire

captivated

egg baby

arya saves the day

ends and beginnings

was i the best writer of aged-up arya/jaqen AUs in the fandom? uh, yes, since 4 of those are...that, lol.

if we're just talking footy though...

shakira ex machina

doce

two hundred words to say i love you

ça c'est ma dope

hairbrush

oh ffs...removing the crossovers....

shakira ex machina

two hundred words to say i love you

hairbrush

the right kind of blue

desperate times

5. do you respond to comments? sometimes....when i don't lose track 😭 i need to be better...

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i answered that here!

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? ummm...not sure. could it be 5.VII? that's a really satisfying ending. i'll go ahead and say that one.

8. do you get hate on fics? only once, and it was a very pathetic stab at armchair activism "how dare you write a fic on this problematic topic" shit. it could happen again at any time i guess.

9. do you write smut? unfortunately...i'm not very good at it and it stresses me out.

10. craziest crossover: i wrote hozier x jaqen h'ghar for my bestie long ago and posted it at like ass am in zurich airport :')

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? yes! answered here. it was this rakidric! published 3 days before we all locked down. i have not read this in a zillion years.

12. have you ever had a fic translated? also answered here!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? answered here but also i want to cowrite with someone so very much!

14. all time favorite ship? also answered here!

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? my ivantoine, "In The" :'( and others too...my post-WC modren for example. i'm wondering if Mare Liberum will ever be finished. we'll see...

16. what are your writing strengths? i think i am confident and experienced and that comes across (?) even things i wrote a while ago, that i think are "better" (more artistic, more daring) sound less experienced at the same time. my dialogue has improved so much. i think my fics have a good rhythm--varied sentence lengths, good use of repetition and parallelism, line breaks, etc. i like to think i can get people to empathize with/care about people they didn't expect. my writing helps me examine my own flaws. i am not sure what else? my bff said i describe love and loss really well <3

17. what are your writing weaknesses? i think i'm a weak writer, actually! i think my writing is shallow and always sounds the same. a lot of angsty endings, alienated characters, sounds more immature than it should. i don't know how to make porn hot (because i think strange things are hot, i guess?). truly, i've been grappling with how shallow it all sounds. i am a deep feeler (lol) but not a deep thinker at all and i think that shows.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? answered here

19. first fandom you wrote in? answered here!

20. favorite fic you've written? honestly--my favorites are probably still trophy boyfriend and then "chief of the armed forces" because that's just an absolute crackfic masterpiece. in footy...i probably should pick some favorites, no? let's go with dangerous, i tore off the golden branch, possible red card - violent conduct, rojo y blanco/crvena bijela, and 5.VII. i feel like some franko fics belong here but i just chose 5!

[666writingcafe]

In the Planetarium (Again)

Belphie

"I heard you passed your potions exam," I tell MC, wrapping an arm around them.

"I almost got an A, but I missed too many questions on the written exam," they respond.

"Even though you studied your ass off?"

"I had a brain fart." I smile.

"Happens to the best of us."

"How did you do on your history exam?"

"I only missed one question."

"Out of how many?"

"200. It was one of the multiple choice questions."

"What other questions were there?" I'm surprised that MC is this curious about the content of my history exam. Then again, they are the academic type, so maybe this stuff genuinely interests them.

"The first hundred were all multiple choice. Fifty of them were short answer, and the other fifty were split evenly across two essay topics."

"That truly is a lot."

"That's Advanced History for you." I pause. "You only have two more exams, don't you?" MC nods their head. "What one are you most nervous for?"

"Speechcraft." Huh. Based on the conversation I overheard between Lucifer and Diavolo the other day, I never would have guessed that.

"How come?"

"Rumor has it that the professor reached out to random people on campus to help administer the practical portion of the exam, which means that they'll be the ones we'll have to seduce."

"That's interesting. Asmo never mentioned having to do that when he took Advanced Speechcraft."

"Apparently the professor wanted to try something new this year. It's all just speculation, though."

"I see."

"What if I get paired with a total stranger? I've never been too good with strangers. I get really shy."

"I'm sure you'll get introduced to them before you begin. Even if it's just, 'this is so-and-so, and they do xyz on campus'. But if you do go into your exam completely blind, start with their appearance. Observe their reactions and use them to hone in on their weaknesses."

"Easy for you to say. You've had thousands of years to practice."

"Don't sell yourself short. This is your second stay in the Devildom, and you're already in advanced classes. That ought to count for something." I glance up at the night sky. "The stars are magnificent tonight."

"There's certainly a lot of them." Right. I forgot. Humans have to deal with light pollution a lot more than we do. Leaning closer to MC, I point to a pair of stars.

"See those two over there?"

"The ones right next to each other?"

"Yeah. Those appeared in the sky over the Devildom after the Great War ended. They're twins."

"Like you and Beel."

"Exactly. They're our stars."

"They don't look like anything I can see back home."

"That's because they're not visible there."

"Do you like having your own star?" I nod.

"I was able to see them when I was in the attic. Whenever I felt completely alone, I would find them and imagine that Beel was sitting right next to me."

"What if we search for our own pair of stars?" That has got to be one of the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me.

"There's one that reminds me of you." I point it out to MC. It's one of the smallest stars in the sky, but it's also one of the brightest.

"It's all of us."

"What?"

"Do you not see the stars surrounding the one you showed me?"

"I'm not seeing what you're talking about, MC." They sigh, clearly exasperated.

"Okay, so there's my star."

"Right."

"And then there's a circle of stars that surround mine."

"Okay..." Where is MC going with this?

"Count the number of stars in that circle."

"What?"

"Just do it, Belphie." I start with the one on top and go clockwise. Sure enough, there's seven stars.

"The one on top is Lucifer's."

"Obviously."

"The yellowish star is Mammon's, and the pinkish star is Asmo's. The one that's almost outside the circle is Levi's. Satan's is at the opposite end of Lucifer. Beel's is the largest, and yours is the one that's closest to me." That actually makes sense.

"I don't think those are visible in the human world."

"That doesn't matter. I'll always have the memory." They put their head on my shoulder and glance up at me, a soft smile on their lips.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Admiring you."

"Me?" MC hums in response.

"You're quite pretty."

"You're not trying to practice on me, are you?"

"No. I genuinely mean it." I try to swallow, but my throat tightens up.

"MC, I..." Dammit. I can't form a complete sentence. MC repositions themselves upright, putting their face a few inches away from mine.

"You don't have to talk," they whisper. Even if I wanted to, I can't. Not coherently, anyway.

They lean in and gently kiss me.

"You know that one isn't enough." MC smiles.

"I know."