#I've spent a lot of time recently writing about this place and do you ever want just want to be somewhere that doesn't exist?

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[enthusiasticharry]

the one where YN has a one-night stand, who turns out to be her boss at the hospital where she now works.

author's note: surprise!! doctor!harry is here to surprise you! i know i've been radio silent for a while, and i apologise for that but work has been so busy recently that i've not had a minute to myself. but i've found it, and i've spent it writing this for all of you! thanks for all ya support!

word count: 10K of smut, fluff, angst and everything in between (and also harry being the cutest paediatric doctor anyone has ever seen)

let me know what you think of good omens here! mwah <3

#1

The first time it happened was completely accidental. Well, as accidental as sleeping with a co-worker could be. A co-worker who she didn’t know was a co-worker just yet.

It was YN’s first day as a paediatric surgeon in a new hospital, in a new town and she couldn’t save him. She couldn’t save him. He was twelve years old. It wasn’t the first time that YN had lost someone, and it certainly wasn’t going to be the last. But, for a day that was supposed to be filled with new beginnings — ones that were supposed to last — it just didn’t feel like a good omen in YN’s eyes.

That’s how she ended up at the bar, on her third or fourth drink of god-knows-what when she knew that she shouldn’t. YN knew, in the back of her mind that there was no way that she could have saved that boy, no matter what she did. It was too late, and she had done her best but today her best just didn’t seem good enough.

When the handsome stranger sat next to her she didn’t think anything of it at first. He ordered his drink and just sat there. He didn’t look at YN, and YN didn’t look at him. They just sat there. From the sparing glance that YN took of the man he was attractive but that wasn’t on her mind right now — how could it be?

That was until her drink was placed on the bar in front of her, when she had just finished hers and she hadn’t asked for a new one. YN cast her eyes on the bartender, who just motioned in the handsome man’s direction. YN turned to him, and this time instead of facing forward he was looking directly at her. YN’s eyes dropped down to the drink in front of her one last time, before looking at the mystery man again who was smiling, a very pretty smile at that.

“Looked like you needed it,” He shrugged, lifting his own drink to his lips, and taking a sip.

YN scoffed a laugh, “I don’t take drinks from strangers.”

“Smart girl,” The man nodded before turning back to the bartender, “But Benny can vouch for me, can’t you Benny? Went straight from Benny’s hand to in front of you.”

YN sighed again, dropping her eyes down to the glass in front of her before lifting back up to the stranger.

“First name basis with the bartender,” YN lifts an eyebrow at him, “Come here a lot?”

The man shrugs, “Only when I need to.”

YN sighs, contemplating what she was or was not going to do before she just did it. She picked up the glass and took a sip, placing it down with a slight thunk on the counter. The smile on the man’s face was all she needed.

“I’m YN,” She holds out her hand for the man to shake.

He looks at her, then at her hand and drops his into it, “I’m Harry.”

An hour later YN had hardly made it through her front door before his lips were on hers. The door shut with a bang, one that YN would have probably cared about if she wasn’t being hoisted up against it. Harry’s hands slipped down from her waist to her ass until he was gripping her thighs and lifting her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, but the entire time their lips never left each other.

“Bedroom,” Harry mumbled against her lips, before starting an assault down her neck.

“Down the hall,” YN gasped, trying to hold in her moans as his teeth nipped along her neck.

They bumped into a few things along the way, a chest of drawers that was conveniently placed right outside the entrance of her bedroom and then the doorway that neither of them could have moved. When they did make it into the room, it wasn’t long before Harry’s lips were back on hers.

“You sure about this?” Harry murmurs against her lips and YN pulls away.

“I am,” YN runs her hands down through Harry’s hair until it is at the collar of his blazer, “Are you?”

“Hell yes,” Harry reattaches his lips to hers just as her hands slip from the curls at the nape of his neck before they run themselves along the collar of his blazer and help him shrug it off. YN brings her hands around the front to the collar of his shirt now, unbuttoning it from the top down to the bottom until she can pull that off his body also.

Her eyes widen in surprise at the ink across his chest and arms. From what she could see (which wasn’t a lot with his blazer and shirt on) she hadn’t suspected his body to be littered in the dark ink, and she couldn’t help but run her fingers along the ink, following the designs with her fingertips.

“Tattoos?”

Harry chuckles, tapping her chin with his finger so she moves her eyes up from his chest to his eyes. Her body nearly gave out in that exact second.

“What?” He chuckled, a playful smile toying his lips, “You like them?”

YN just sighed, “Ask me again when I can think straight?”

Harry laughed, leaning back down to kiss her again. His fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt, and they separated for the second it took YN to lift her arms up and for Harry to pull the shirt off of her body. YN moved to unbutton her trousers, a giggle escaping her lips as Harry helped her when they got stuck around her calf.

When YN had dressed for the day, she hadn’t factored this happening at all, and her mismatched bralette and panties (both a soft cotton instead of anything fancy for comfort reasons) weren’t the sexiest and she knew that. But, when her eyes met Harry’s again, and she saw his eyes flicker up and down her body, none of that mattered anymore.

Harry placed a few chaste kisses onto her lips once again before moving down her neck, down to the exposed skin of her breast above her bralette. A shiver ran down her spine when his hands moved around her back, his fingertips dancing across her skin before skilfully unclasping her bra and allowing it to fall from her body, exposing her breasts to him. The material was discarded on the floor, and YN swore she saw his eyes widen at the sight of her chest exposed to him.

He dropped back down to the top of her breasts, kissing and every once in a while nipping slightly. Once he wrapped his lips around her nipple, YN’s entire body lurched forward. Her thighs tried to tighten, just to relieve some of the pressure that was building within her. Instead, YN found herself pulling Harry closer to her by her thighs, the thing cotton of her panties not creating much of a barrier between her and Harry’s crotch. YN bites her lip in hopes of suppressing the moan that was attempting to slip from her lips.

YN can’t help but grind her hips forward towards his, shivering slightly when Harry’s teeth nip over her nipple.

“Harry,” YN almost mewls, her hips bucking up again, “Please.”

“Please what, darling?” Harry taunts, releasing her nipple with a slight ‘pop’.

YN just rolls her hips towards his once more, and Harry seems to get the hint. From there he moves downwards, littering kisses down her ribs and towards the top of her panties.

“Can I?” Harry asks, his fingers moving to the hem of her panties, slipping them just underneath upon her skin. YN shivered, her hips involuntarily bucking up towards Harry’s touch.

“Yes,” YN gasped, the cool air of the room hit the heat between her legs as Harry tucked his thumbs into the sides of her panties, “Please… Harry.”

YN sighed into the feeling of Harry’s lips pressing into her thigh as he pulled her panties completely off. Even though this man was a complete stranger to her – the way that he was looking at her. The way that his eyes danced down her body, the way they looked into hers as he placed kisses on the inside of her thighs, itching closer and closer to the heat inside of her legs – her judgement was clouded as to whether they were actual strangers.

“Am I getting warmer?” Harry jokes, his fingers coming to rest on YN’s stomach, trying to stop the way that she was lifting her hips upwards.

“You’re such a tease,” YN sighed, her body withering once more as he pressed a kiss right on her pubic bone.

Harry just grinned up at her, a playful smirk toying on his lips once more, “Have I found it?”

“You’re there. Bingo. Please.”

One last pleasing look to Harry, and it was as though he dived in. He didn’t even hesitate, his mouth dropped down and his lips attached to YN’s clit. Her entire body lurched forward, and without even thinking her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip to conceal the sounds that were threatening to escape. His lips applied just enough pressure, changing every so often to bring her closer and closer. When his hands reached forward and rolled her nipples between his fingers, she was gone.

“Wanna hear you,” He mumbles against her, the vibrations of his words transferring to her skin, “Need to hear I’m making you feel good.”

“You’re making me feel so good,” YN reassured him, a gasp leaving her lips as he started to flick his tongue against her. YN’s hands dropped down and slipped through his curls, allowing herself to grind against his face. The hand that was rolling her nipple moved to slip down between their bodies. He pulled away for a second, just to rub his pointer finger across her clit before dipping it inside her. YN mewled, her hands reaching out to grasp the duvet beneath her, “Don’t stop, so fucking good.”

The way his fingers and tongue worked simultaneously brought her closer and closer with every movement. YN had never in her entire life had a one-night stand where the first thing the man did was eat her out. It was not only unheard of, but it was divine. The mewls and groans that left her lips were only heightened by his quickening pace, bringing her closer and closer to the edge.

“Harry,” Her thighs attempted to close, only for Harry’s hand (the one not currently inside of her) to push them back open. There was something about him not only bringing her closer and closer to orgasm with his tongue and fingers but also the way he was manhandling her that YN couldn’t handle, “I’m so close.”

He brought his lips away from her clit, only to immediately start rubbing it up and down with his thumb.

“You going to come for me?” He asked, a boyish smile crossing his lips, ones that were glistening with her juices, “Come on. Come for me, baby.”

That one pet name was all that she needed. Her hips were rising from the bed, and her legs started to shake from over his shoulder. She could feel the orgasm from the tip of her toes right up to her head. Small gasps left her body, but Harry worked her through it.

Once the initial wave had stopped, YN dropped her body back on the bed and tried to gain control of her breathing. Harry didn’t wait a single second before he was climbing up her body, so he was hovering over her again, leaning down to capture her lips with hers. She could feel his cock pressing into her leg, and by the slight movement in his hips she knew that he was waiting for his time, and she was more than happy to oblige him.

Her hands snaked down his body, from his shoulders down to his stomach before they toyed with the button on his trousers.

Harry pulled away, only for a second to drop his eyes to where her hands were on his trousers, “You want to do this?”

YN nodded, “Wanna feel you. Need to feel you.”

Harry chuckled, helping her to push his trousers down along with his underwear until his cock sprung out at her.

“Then who am I not to oblige?”

The next morning YN woke up with a slight pounding in her head. It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be, but she guessed the fully drunk bottle of water that was on her bedside table had done the trick. Her alarm had been set for seven, and that sound was the only thing she could hear in her room.

Just as YN was about to peel the covers back off her body and start getting ready for the day — she felt it. It was light, but she could feel it. A leg, presumably belonging to the person that she had just realised was sleeping next to her, just skimming the side of her leg. They weren’t facing each other, but the second that YN turned her head and saw that face looking at her, all the meme flies of the previous night came flooding back to her — work, the drinks, the sex.

Without even thinking she reached her arm out to tap Harry, lifting him from his slumber in a less-than-calming way. His eyes opened for a second before a groan left his lips and he immediately closed them, dropping his head back down to the pillow.

“Harry,” YN mumbled, slipping out of the bed, and clutching a blanket to her body to preserve at least a smudge of the dignity she had left, “I need to go to work, and you need to leave.”

He sighed, turning his head on the pillow to face her again, “What time is it?”

“It’s seven,” She responded, “I need to shower and get ready and I’m going to be late to work.”

Before she could even finish her sentence he was jumping out of bed, leaning down to grab his discarded clothes, and starting to pull them on his body. YN just stood there watching him, still clutching the blanket to her body.

“You’re not the only one that’s going to be late for work,” He sighed, throwing his shirt back on his body and taking quick steps towards her. He stops, leans down, and presses a kiss to her cheek, “I’ll let myself out.”

“Okay,” She nods, not completely trusting herself with her words, but she has no idea why, “Bye.”

“Bye!” He called out and just like that he was out of her room and a few seconds later she heard the front door slam, and he was out of her apartment.

It wasn’t as though she expected anything else — this was a one-night stand after all. However, there was a part of her that wished she had the balls to ask for his number or something. There was a part of her that was disappointed that the man who had given her the best sex she’d ever had didn’t seem interested in wanting her number or rushing out the way he had.

YN’s shock was short-lived, especially when her alarm clock beeped from the side of her, and she had no choice but to get on with her day. Dropping the blanket she made her way into the bathroom, sighing when she saw the state of herself in the mirror.

Despite the lack of headache, her body looked as though it had been through the wringer. Her hair was a mess, knotted and tangled all over the top of her head — just from looking at the front she dreaded to think what the back looked like.

Once her eyes had left her head, they fell to her neck and drew a line down to her breasts. From around her collar gone down she was covered in marks, some of them small and some of them bigger. The ones around her breasts were the biggest, and just the sight of them sent YN’s mind back. She ran her fingertips along the tender skin, reminding herself of the kisses and the touches that they had shared. With a shake of her head, YN pushed all of the thoughts of Harry out, turned her shower on and waited for the water to heat up.

It was her second day. Her second day. Her thoughts weren’t supposed to be clouded by the man she had met in the bar whilst trying to get drunk, trying to forget what a disaster her first day had been. Instead, she wasn’t thinking about everything she needed to do today, or what could potentially come through the door of the hospital that she would need to focus her strength on, she was reliving the night she had just had as she ran her loofah across her skin, tracing the pattern that Harry had taken.

As she stood with the warm water running over her body, she scolded herself for not doing something. She could have said something, anything to ask him, or followed him before he left the flat. But she didn’t, and she would probably never see him again — and she would have to live with that.

Shampooing her scalp helped remove the stress that was starting to build up in her body. Whilst the irrational side of her brain was telling her all of things that she could have done, the more rational side of her brain was letting her know that it was just a one-night stand. That it was just a one-night stand that she was never going to see again, and that was fine. That was fine.

The more YN thought about it, and the more that she scrubbed her scalp (it was starting to potentially hurt at this point) she brushed (scratched) all of these thoughts out of her head. She had to focus on the most important thing here, and that was her second day of work.

Once she was scrubbed and sparkling and fresh from the night before, she dressed and made her way to work. There was something that made YN feel powerful about her line of work. Maybe it was the fact that she got to save lives every day, or maybe it was the fact that those lives were children, but she felt powerful. Yesterday was just a slip-up, and everything will be fixed today she knew it was.

Once she had pulled her white coat on, and attached her I.D. to it, she made her way over to the nurses’ desk where some of the other doctors on the wing were. Iris, one of the trainee specialists that YN had met yesterday and was going to be working under her was already there, flicking through some paperwork for some of their patients for the day.

“You look…” Iris looked YN up and down, “Different.”

“Different?” YN just laughed, “You saw me stressed yesterday. Today I’m not stressed. Today I’m fine. Today I’m ready for work. Today is a new day. Today is a new day, and it is going to be a good day!”

Iris stared at YN, watching as the woman tapped her nails against the top of the desk waiting for Iris to pass her the files for their patients today so she could get on with the day. She could feel today was going to be a good day. No room for distractions, just her and her work.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Iris raised an eyebrow at YN, watching as the girl just smiled at her.

“I’m feeling fine. I’m feeling good,” YN smiled, finally stopping the tapping on the desk to hold her hand out to receive her first patient file, “Now, I have a bladder to operate on in an hour and I need to read my patient’s chart.”

Iris didn’t seem too convinced by her answer but carried on anyway, “I don’t have it. The peds consultant, Dr. Styles just went in for a consult.”

“Oh,” YN looked surprised, looking over her shoulder to look at her patient’s room but she couldn’t see anything through the door, “I haven’t met him yet. How long has it been since he went?”

“He wasn’t working yesterday,” Iris shrugs, “He’s lovely. Really. Everything you expect from someone who has spent years of his life saving kids.”

YN wasn’t surprised at that. There is a certain type of person who worked in paediatrics. These people had to be kind but stern. They had to be strong but compassionate. Being a doctor, or a surgeon anyway was tough but when children are involved, it complicates everything – makes everything more emotional. There had to be a type of detachment in the person – knowing that these patients were children, and there is a certain higher level of emotion attached to them but how you couldn’t let that emotion rule takes guts.

When YN first went to medical school paediatrics was the last thing on her mind, but by the time she had finished, it was the only thing that she could think about. Now – here she was.

“Well, I hope he’s not going to be long,” YN sighs, tapping her nails against the desk again, “Got pre-ops to do, and I don’t really fancy standing and waiting here for any longer.”

“Stop complaining,” Iris sighs, standing up and moving around the desk so that she’s next to YN, “And he’s here.”

YN sighed, pushing herself up and turning around. She was used to the introductions by now. Whilst peds doctors are lovely and have some sort of emotional intelligence they are still doctors, and that comes with some sort of arrogance. All she needed to do was introduce herself and then she could get into the operating room – where she wanted to. That’s all she thought she would do, but the second she turned around she knew that wasn’t going to be the case at all.

“Hi,” He stopped right in front of her, his hand reaching out as though it was going to shake hers, “I’m Dr. Styles.”

Turns out she didn’t need his number. Turns out she was going to be working with him.

#2

The second that it happened YN had just finished surgery. A kidney transplant on a nine-year-old boy. She was exhausted. She was stressed, and all she wanted to do was go home and go to bed – that was what she needed to do. Just as YN pulled her scrub cap off her head and followed that with a yawn she felt a hand wrapping around her waist. Just a second later she was being pulled into the closest room, which just happened to be a janitorial storage room.

YN sighed, facing the back wall, and taking in the musty scent along with the brooms and mops that were lining the back wall. She didn’t need to know who was with her, and that was the problem.

“You’re avoiding me,” He spoke, and YN still didn’t turn around. She didn’t want to turn around, “You’re avoiding me, and you can’t avoid me.”

YN sighed, “I’m not avoiding you. I see you every day.”

“In consults, YN!” YN ran her hand over her forehead, still looking at the wall, “In consults, where you don’t even look me in the eyes! I’ve tried and tried, and you won’t talk to me!”

“Because you’re my boss!” YN flung around, looking Harry directly in his eyes. The way she raised her voice caused Harry’s eyes to widen, and the way he immediately saw her eyes start to fill up caused them to soften straightaway, “You’re my boss, and I slept with you!”

“YN,” Harry sighs, taking a step towards her with his hand out. Before YN could flinch she pulled away, “You didn’t know that that I was your boss, that is not your fault.”

“You are still my boss, Harry,” She sighs, trying to stop her lips from turning into a frown, “You are still my boss, and I’ve slept with you. You’ve seen me naked! I’ve seen you naked! You’re my boss!”

“YN, you need to listen to me,” Harry was the one sighing now, running his finger across his eyebrow, “You did not know that I was your boss. I did not know you were a surgeon, never mind the surgeon on my staff! We both didn’t know and if we don’t talk this out – we’re not going to be able to work together and that’s dangerous. I know it, you know it. How can we treat our patients, those children out there if we can barely look at each other in the eye?”

YN sighed, knowing that it wasn’t the most sanitary, but she was tired. She dropped down to the floor, her back leaning against one of the shelves covered in cleaning supplies. Harry sighed and dropped down next to her, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Why didn’t you ask for my number?”

YN had interrupted the silence that had washed over them, and Harry didn’t say anything straight away. He turned to look at YN, but she was staring straight ahead – at the other shelves with boxes of cleaning supplies on.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you ask for my number?” She asked again, “Before you left. Why didn’t you ask for my number?”

“I wanted to,” Harry responds this time, but YN still doesn’t look at him, “I wanted to, but I was late. I forgot.”

YN laughed. She couldn’t help it, “You forgot? You slept with me, and then you forgot to ask for my number?”

Harry’s head turned to hers quickly, his eyes laced with shock, “You didn’t ask for mine. You could’ve asked for mine, you could’ve.”

“I could’ve if you didn’t race out of the room like there was a fire under your arse!”

Harry sighed again, looking straight ahead at the shelves. They were in silence again, and then his hand reached out to grasp hers. She tried to pull away, but he didn’t let her. Instead, she snaked his fingers through hers and pulled her hand so that it was resting on her knees.

“Oliver,” Harry sighed, running his thumb over the back of her hand, “The patient that you did the bladder operation on, you removed his tumours.”

“Yeah?” YN sighed, unsure as to where this was going.

“That was my friend's kid,” Harry sighed, not stopping as he ran his thumb over the back of her hand, “Oliver. Oli – that’s what we call him. He’s a bubbly kid, kind, good at sports. He was fine. Then one day he wasn’t. His parents took him to his GP, he said it was a bladder infection. They came to me, and I said the same. I said the same. They begged me to run more tests, begged me. I didn’t, he got worse, and they came back. I ordered the tests and –”

“He had cancer, and I removed his tumours,” YN sighs. Before she could help it, she pulled his hand on top of her knee and ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

“I went to the bar because I was trying to not think about it, and then I saw you,” Harry sighed, shrugging slightly, “And I, for that night could push everything out of my head. I could push the fact that I missed it out of my head. Then I woke up, and I forgot to ask for your number because I was late to make sure that he was alright before his surgery, and I wanted to be there for his parents. Then I saw him, and then I saw you and then I remembered – I should have asked for your number, but it didn’t matter.”

“Because I was here,” She sighed, and he pursed his lips together and nodded, “But then I ignored you because I slept with my boss, and I thought you didn’t care.”

“I did care,” He sighed, “I do care. It was just…”

“It was a bad day,” YN sighed, a small smile gracing her lips, “We all have bad days. I’m sorry for ignoring you.”

“It’s okay,” Harry smiled, “Can we not ignore each other anymore? I know it’s weird that you’ve seen your boss naked but –”

“We’re okay,” YN laughed, “As long that you don’t find it strange that you’ve seen your colleague naked too.”

He joined in with her laughter, the sound filling up the once-silent room. It had been a month of this silence, this lack of communication between them and even though YN was exhausted – she felt better. Once the laughter had died down, YN realised that she was still holding his hand, her thumb still rubbing on the back of her skin.

YN looked up at Harry, her breath catching in her throat when she realised that he was staring right at her. It was as though the room around them had shrunk, pushing them closer and closer together until their faces were only inches apart. They had just made up, and then all of a sudden his lips were on hers.

YN moved, their lips not separating so that she was straddling his lap. The room now wasn’t small, and it wasn’t just filled with cleaning supplies – it was filled with their deep breaths, their moans, the sound of their lips moving against one another. YN’s hands slipped into the curls at the nape of his neck, just as they had done that night a month ago. Harry’s hand slipped underneath her scrubs, grabbing against her waist, and pulling her closer to him.

That feeling was back, the one that she had felt before. The one where it felt good, as though (and she knew how crazy this sounded) that they fit together perfectly. The feeling of his hands on her, and his lips on hers was everything that she needed.

That was until there was a knock on the door.

“Excuse me!” The voice was deep, and not one that YN recognised, “I need to get into my storage cupboard unless you want the entire hospital to be dirty!”

YN and Harry pulled away, a string of laughs escaping their lips as they tried to pull their selves together. Harry pulled the door open once they looked a little more presentable, revealing Mark, the janitor, standing there with his hands on his hips.

“Sorry, Mark,” Harry nodded, clearing his throat slightly, “Bad day.”

Mark scoffed, watching as YN fluttered past them and started to move down the hall. She didn’t move fast enough to not hear him say, “Keep your bad days to the on-call room next time.”

“So,” It was later on in the day, and YN had managed to get some sleep in one of the on-call rooms before she was back to it. She hadn’t seen Harry since their little adventure in the janitor’s cupboard earlier today, not until right now, “I was thinking.”

“Oh,” YN sighed, continuing to flick through the charts that were in her hands, “That’s dangerous.”

Harry laughed, and that was when YN turned to look at him. He was in his scrubs, his hands in his white lab coat. All YN wanted to do was wish that they were back in that cupboard, mainly so she could kiss him again.

“My thinking isn’t dangerous. I think I come up with brilliant ideas,” Harry leant against the nurses’ station, his body leaning towards her.

“Okay,” YN closed her chart so that she could angle her body towards his as well, “What is this brilliant idea you’ve come up with?”

“I think we should go on a date,” YN’s eyes widened, but before she could say anything to him he carried on speaking, “I think we should go on a proper date. Dinner, or a movie – something. A proper date.”

“This was your brilliant idea?” YN raised her eyebrow, “To ask me on a date?”

“Yes,” He beamed another smile at her, “Properly. We’re going to do this properly.”

YN cleared her throat and took a step closer to Harry so that they were not at a professional space away from each other.

“So,” YN’s eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips, “This whole… doing it properly thing? Does that mean we can’t have sex?”

Just when YN thought he was going to kiss her, Harry stepped away. He walked away from her.

“Harry?” She exclaimed, her arms dropping open.

“We’re doing this properly!” He called back, not even turning to look at her, “I’ll pick you up at eight!”

YN sighed, shaking her head, and watching as he turned the corner out of her view. She turned back to her chart, but before she could open it her eyes caught Iris – who she had completely forgotten was sitting behind the desk when Harry walked past.

“I don’t even know what to say,” The girl spoke, eyes still open wide, “I feel like I’ve just watched some sort of soft porn. I feel like I’m at work, and I’ve just witnessed soft porn with my own two eyes.”

YN laughed, she couldn’t help it, “I think you’re in shock.”

“I think I’ve just watched soft porn between my two co-workers – my two bosses,” She adds, the shock on her face still not wavering, “Never mind that, one of my friends – my best friends, mind that – and her boss, who is also my boss.”

“Iris,” YN clapped in front of her face, snapping her friend out of whatever shock she was in, “You good?”

“I’m good,” Iris stood up, “I just think I’m going to wash my eyes out.”

A few hours later YN was waiting for Harry outside the hospital, dressed in an outfit that wasn’t exactly the best but wasn’t the worst. YN hadn’t expected to be going on a date this morning, but Harry had seen her in her scrubs, so a pair of jeans and a nice top wasn’t going to be the end of the world.

“You ready?” Harry’s hand hovered above her back as he joined her outside the hospital.

“I’m ready,” YN sighed, “I’m ready for our proper date. Can I find out where we’re going on our proper date?”

“Not yet,” He slipped his hand into hers, “I’ll tell you when we get there.”

YN groaned but allowed herself to be pulled to Harry’s car. Harry drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on YN’s. It felt comfortable. YN hadn’t been on many first dates, but the ones that she had never felt like this. Saying that many of the people she had been on first dates with she hadn’t already slept with, or she hadn’t worked with them.

They pulled up outside what seemed to be a diner of some sort. YN hadn’t lived here long, so she hadn’t explored anyway but her house, the hospital, and the supermarket.

“What is this place?”

“You’ll find out,” Harry opened the car door for her, “Not a fan of surprises?”

“I’m a surgeon,” YN stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Surprises normally equal either more work for me or death. I’m not a fan of surprises.”

“I think you’ll like this one.”

Harry opened the door to the diner for YN, allowing her to step in first like a proper date. This was a proper date.

“Harry!” An older woman called from behind the counter, “It’s so good to see you!”

“Hi, Mrs Chapman,” Harry didn’t even flinch when the woman came and placed a kiss on her cheek, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, doll, how are you?” The older woman pulled away but kept her hands firmly on Harry’s arms, “Still the best doctor that ever lived? My Harrison is doing his exams later this year thanks to you.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Mrs. Chapman,” Harry finally managed to pull himself out of the older woman’s grasp, “Are we okay to sit?”

Mrs. Chapman looked over at YN, then she gasped and nodded, “Of course you are! Your booth’s free, Harry. Let me know if you need anything.”

Harry just smiled, leading YN towards a booth at the back of the diner with a hand on the nape of her back. Each time that YN found out a little bit more information about Harry, it shocked her and didn’t simultaneously.

“Do you leach off a lovely woman whose child you saved?” YN asked, raising her eyebrow as she slid into the booth across from Harry.

“I do not leach,” Harry shook his head, passing YN a menu, “I found this place way before Harrison came to see me. Mrs. Chapman is a lovely woman, who now gives me free food now and then because I saved her grandson.”

YN just sighed, shaking her head, and looking down at the menu again. It had everything that a typical diner would have, but I suppose the thing that made it different from the rest was the connection that Harry had with it.

“Do you come here often, then?” YN asked, deciding on whether she wanted a burger or not, “To be on a first-name basis with the owner?”

“Maybe,” Harry shrugs, not even looking at the menu as though he already knows what he is going to have. He then sighs, “It’s the only place around here that’s open twenty-four hours. I come here because the food’s nice, the people are nice and I’m normally too tired to cook after a shift.”

“God,” YN sighs, leaning back in the booth and crossing her arms over her chest, “If I’d have known this place existed I would’ve saved so much money on crappy microwave meals.”

“Oh,” Harry shakes his head, “No, we can’t be having that.”

“Okay then,” YN drops her menu on the table in front of them, “What do you recommend?”

They end up ordering way too much food than what would normally be appropriate for two people to eat. They had burgers, and milkshakes and god only knows how many different types of pie. The only constellation that YN had for it was that they’d be able to take the leftovers home and that was one thing she loved more than eating out was the leftovers the next day.

“I’m stuffed,” YN sighed, dropping her fork down on her plate. She had just put back a burger, a handful of fries and half of two slices of pie (cherry and apple) in one sitting. In YN’s defence, she had been in the OR for the majority of the day, and that therefore meant scoffing a sandwich in the twenty-minute break she found herself having about six hours ago.

“So, you’re not going to help me finish this last slice of pie?” Harry pouted his lips slightly at her, pushing the plate with the last bit of cherry pie towards her.

YN sighed, but it didn’t take her long to pick up her fork and dig it into the last piece of the pie. YN ate half of it, and Harry had the other half. At that point, YN felt as though she was truly and honestly going to burst now. If it was socially acceptable to unbutton her trousers, she would have done that.

“That’s it,” YN shook her head, waving her hands in front of her, “Stop feeding me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“It was good though?” Harry nodded, “Right?”

“So good,” YN sighed, unable to hold the smile off her face, “I don’t think I’ve eaten this good since moving here.”

“Not much of a cook?” Harry laughed, wiping his hands with his napkin.

YN shook her head, leaning back on the booth. Even though she was having a lovely time, there was a part of her that was exhausted, but she wanted to stay. Even though every muscle in her body, every ache was screaming at her to go home and go to bed – she just couldn’t. She didn’t want to leave; she didn’t want this night to end.

“I’m not much of anything,” YN shrugged, “I’m a surgeon. That’s about it.”

“I don’t believe that,” Harry shook his head, “I believe that, yeah, you’re a surgeon, but I don’t think that’s all there is to you. That’s all I want to know.”

YN sighed, her teeth clamping down on the inside of her lip, “I guess you’re just going to have to wait.”

“I’m going to have to wait?” Harry laughed, “What am I going to have to wait for?”

“Our next proper date.”

Harry’s entire face beamed out into a smile, and YN couldn’t help but join him. In all honesty, whilst there was a level of comfortableness between them there was also a part that made her giddy. It was new and it was exciting and even though alarm bells were ringing for her that this was her boss, she had never felt this way about anybody before.

She didn’t think she ever would again.

#3

The third time it happened, YN knew that this was going to be for good.

“You’re going to get married, and you’re going to have his babies and get a dog and I’m just going to be watching from the sidelines. Single. With fifteen cats. No husband, no cute kids. No sexy husband that’s good with the cute kids…”

“Iris?” YN interrupts before the girl could carry on her rambling.

“Yeah?” The girl beamed, a sad smile crossing her lips.

“You’re doing it again,” YN sighed, dropping her hands to the top of her charts, “The thinking out loud. The crazy cat lady thing. I know you think that you’re making yourself feel better by speaking into the universe, but it’s just sad Iris.”

“You know what’s sad?” Iris sighed, and that’s when YN saw the glaze over her eyes again, “That I’m not going to have a hot doctor husband, and cute kids, and –”

“That’s it,” YN sighed, picking up her chart and moving away from her boyfriend, “I’m leaving. I can’t listen to this anymore.”

YN had taken all but two steps away from the desk when she felt someone’s arm knock into hers. She didn’t even need to look up to know who it was.

YN and Harry had been living in bliss for the past six months. They had done this properly. They had been on dates, ‘proper’ dates as they had continued to call them, and every day just seemed to get better. That wasn’t to say that they hadn’t had their ups and downs. Two doctors, paediatricians at that, trying in a relationship would have its ups and downs. They were emotional, exhausted, and stubborn. That meant that every so often their heads butted together and it either ended up in them screaming at each other or just sitting in complete silence.

“What can’t you listen to anymore?” He asked, his shoulder brushing hers and they walked down the corridor.

YN sighed, “Iris is having her cat existential crisis again. I told you it was a bad idea for her to get a cat, and what did you say? You said it was a good idea, and now I’m –”

“Woah,” Harry stopped her, placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her down, “Now you’re having the cat existential crisis.”

YN sighed, lifting her hand to scratch her eyebrow, “She’s infecting me. Harry, we have to do something. You must have some single friends. Something. We need to fix this.”

“We don’t,” Harry shakes his head, “I know she’s your best friend and you –”

Whatever Harry was going to say next didn’t matter, and it didn’t matter because a scream came from down the hall. It wasn’t a good scream, and before anything else could be said the two of them were rushing down the hallway and into the room where the scream came from.

It was Paige. She was their latest patient, in for Lymphoma. It was a recent diagnosis – very recent and the girl was crying and screaming.  The nurse looked as though she was going to have a breakdown herself.

“She won’t let us put an IV in,” The nurse sighed, “We’ve tried everything, but she just keeps screaming.”

“It’s going to hurt!” Paige screamed back, wet hot tears streaming down her face as she looked between Harry and YN.

Harry looked at YN and she just nodded, “We’ll take it from here Kathy.”

The nurse nodded, leaving the room, and allowing the door to slam shut behind her. YN flinched slightly, but at the same time she knew how stressful children could be sometimes. She also knew that Kathy was coming off a long shift, and that could also factor into the stress.

“I’m sorry,” Paige’s mother spoke from the corner of the room, her eyes welling up just like her daughters were, “She’s never normally like this. I tried. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Harry smiled, dropping down onto the seat next to Paige’s bed, pulling some gloves onto his hands, “Needles are scary. They’re sharp, and they’re scary.”

“It’s going to hurt,” Paige whined, her chest wracking with more sobs, “It hurt last time, Dr. Styles, I don’t wanna hurt.”

Harry sighed, “It does hurt, I’m not going to lie to you, Paige.”

YN’s eyes furrowed as Harry spoke but shrugged off his jacket at the same time. He pulled the tourniquet out of the unopened IV kit and wrapped it around his arm, pulling it tight.

“It hurts, but only for a minute,” Harry smiled, “Dr. YLN here is going to show you how it’s done, and I’m going to explain every little step. Is that okay, Paige?”

Paige’s tears were still falling, but her breathing had slowed down slightly. YN pulled on another pair of gloves and prepped the needle.

“This rubber band is a tourniquet,” Harry explained, “You’ve probably had one before when you were having your blood taken. You see, it helps us to see your veins,” Harry pointed out the vein in his arm which had popped out. “Dr. YN here is going to insert the needle and… yes it’s going to hurt, and it’s hurting but now it’s not.”

When YN had finished putting the needle into Harry’s arm, she looked back up to see Paige’s tears had stopped and a small smile on her face.

“So,” Harry smiled, pulling the needle out and holding some cotton wool on his arm, “How about Dr YLN goes and gets a new IV kit, and your mother holds your hand whilst I do it, yeah?”

Paige smiles, nodding her head, “Yeah.”

Once YN had brought a new IV kit into the room, she just stood by the door – watching. She watched as Harry spoke to Paige through the IV, keeping the young girl calm throughout the entire thing. Just watching Harry and watching not only how good at his job he was but also how he acted around the children was everything that YN needed to know.

The icing on top of the cake was when he started to tease the young girl, pretending that he didn’t have any lollipops to give her, even though he had some in his coat pocket. YN smiled, watching as the girl who once had tears streaming down her cheeks was now laughing, playing with Harry, and trying to guess which pocket had the lollipops in.

YN walked out of the room with that cheesy smile on her face, trying not to make it obvious the reason why but she knew. Iris was still sitting behind the nurses’ station, and YN stopped in front of her and sighed.

“You’re right,” YN chuckled lightly, “We’re going to have really cute babies.”

“We did good today,” YN sighed, placing the bottle of wine on the coffee table in front of Harry. YN dropped down next to him, accepting the space underneath his arm to squeeze into.

They had been on their feet a long time today, and just the fact that they were both now curled up on the sofa, with a glass of wine to soften the blow was all YN needed. Paige’s surgery had a few minor complications, but it was nothing that YN couldn’t handle. When Paige had woken up, the smile on her face knowing that she could finally eat the lollipop in a few hours that Harry had given her was enough for YN to know that it was worth it.

“We did,” Harry sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “Paige is going to make a full recovery and she’ll be back on her feet in no time – all thanks to you.”

YN sighed, “Wouldn’t have even been able to operate without you.”

Harry just sighed, his lips ghosting over YN’s head. There was a change in the atmosphere, and YN could tell. Harry didn’t say anything else, and YN didn’t know whether he wanted to talk or not.

“You want to talk about it?” She spoke quietly, her finger drawing lines along his knee that was sprawled out in front of her.

Harry sighed against her, pressing another kiss to her head, “Not now. I will later though, I promise.”

“Okay,” YN smiled, reaching out to grab Harry’s hand, “Can I tell you something?”

Harry hummed. YN hesitated for a second, not knowing whether this was the right time to do this or not. But then she remembered today, and she remembered that feeling that she had whilst she had been watching Harry with Paige. She remembered the tightness in her chest, and it wasn’t worry or stress. She knew what it was, and all she could hope was that he’d feel the same way.

“I think…” YN started but then she shook her head slightly, “No, I know. I know that I love you, Harry.”

Harry lifted his head from the top of YN’s head, turning so that she was looking at him. When YN’s eyes met his, she was shocked to see that his eyes were slightly filling up. YN lifted her hand to his face, placing her palm on his cheek and making sure that he was okay.

“I…” Harry started, and YN’s heart pummelled to the bottom of her stomach. She couldn’t tell. She had admitted to the man that she was the love of her life, the man who was it for her and she couldn’t tell what he was going to say. She froze. She froze, and then he smiled, “I love you.”

YN sighed, and it took everything in her to not pick up one of the cushions next to her and launch it at Harry’s head, “Don’t scare me like that again. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

“What?” He laughed, leaning forward to place a kiss on her cheek and then to the nape of her neck, “What do you mean?”

“Your face, and the silence and –” YN pulled away from him slightly, moving so that there was a gap between them. Until a wave of something covered her and before she knew it she was standing up, “Then the hesitation! You hesitated and you looked like you were going to cry, and then you hesitated to tell me that you love me!”

Harry sighed, sitting up with his knees open in front of her. Harry reached out for YN’s hands, but she pouted and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I love you. I love you more than anything YN, and I know that it hasn’t been long – but I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you.”

YN sighed, but reached out and dropped her hands into Harry’s, “You’re not upset with me then?”

“No,” Harry shook his head, “I just… today, with Paige. That girl. She was so scared, so scared. Her parents were scared, and yet I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’m a doctor, that’s what I am and the entire time all I could think about was you. In the surgery, I wondered how you were feeling, and what you might have wanted for dinner tonight.”

YN sighed, reaching forward to place a hand on his cheek – his face leaning into her touch.

“Harry…”

“I have never, ever not thought of the hospital, and my patients the entire day since I was a trainee. Then you come, and you’re always there – in the back of my mind. I love you so much, YN, and I would never hesitate to tell you that.”

YN didn’t say anything else. Instead, YN took a step forward. She grasped Harry’s face in her hands. His hands snaked around her waist, pulling her body closer until his head was resting upon her stomach. YN’s fingers slipped through his hair, right until they were at those curls at the bottom of his neck that she loved. She could feel his lips pressing tiny pecks into her stomach over her shirt. Using the curls, she tugged lightly to pull his face away from her stomach, and she could immediately lean down and capture his lips with hers.

YN sighed into the kiss, her body collapsing onto his until she was straddling him. His hands picked up speed, slipping underneath her shirt as hers tugged on his hair – their lips moving together at the same rate.

“I love you,” Harry mumbled against her lips, not stopping his kisses for even a second.

YN pulled away for a second, pushing his hair off his forehead, “Then show me… please.”

Harry nodded, pressing another chaste kiss to her lips before helping YN up and off of the sofa. The two of them stumbled into YN’s bedroom quickly, their hands never leaving each other’s body.

It was new, it was exciting, and it was good. It was love.

Harry dropped down on the bed, and YN followed – dropping on his lap just as she had been on the sofa. His fingers fiddled with the edge of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra (it being the first thing to come off her body when she came home), and his lips immediately started placing kisses all over her chest and breasts.

“I love you,” He mumbled against her skin.

“Do you love me? Or do you love my boobs?”

Harry chuckled, his teeth grazing her nipple lightly, “I love you and I love your boobs… equally.”

YN laughed, pushing him away from her body lightly, “You’re such an idiot.”

“I am,” He placed her kiss on her chest, “I’m an idiot,” he placed another kiss on her neck, “But I’m an idiot who loves you.”

Piece by piece their clothing was removed, and whispers and kisses and giggles were shared until they were both naked. They had moved further up so that Harry’s back was pressed against the headboard, YN hovering above him.

Their movements started slow, YN sliding herself down onto Harry’s cock. The feeling was full, and amongst that, it was full of love. Harry’s hands landed on YN’s hips, helping her move whilst YN’s clutched the headboard. YN gasped into Harry’s mouth as she started to rotate her hips.

“Harry,” YN moaned into his mouth, one of her hands leaving the headboard to grasp his shoulder. Harry started to help her, his hips rolling up to meet hers, causing YN’s nails to press into the skin of his shoulder.

“Keep going for me, baby,” Harry mumbled, his head dropping down to YN’s shoulder – his lips grazing her skin, “Come on, keep going for me.”

YN sped up her hips, listening to Harry’s words of encouragement. There was no way that YN could be closer to Harry than she was at this moment, but with each thrust, she wanted to be.

“So wet for me baby,” Harry mumbled, “Doing so well for me baby.”

“Harry, please,” YN whined, her hips moving quicker and quicker with every passing moment, “I need more, I need you more.”

“You wanna switch?” Harry pulls his head up from her shoulder, looking directly into her eyes, “Just tell me, baby.”

YN’s hips stopped and with Harry’s help, she lifted herself off him. YN whimpered slightly at the loss of contact, but the second that she moved so that she was on her back, Harry was hovering over her.

“Harry, please,” YN’s hands clawed at his back, pulling him closer to her.

“You okay?” He asked, one hand on his cock to line it up with her entrance and the other one holding his body up by her head.

“Please,” YN nodded, her hands scratching down his back again, pushing lightly on the top of his ass, “Please Harry, I wanna feel you. Need to feel you.”

Harry didn’t hesitate to push inside of her, taking YN’s breath away. He moved forward so that their foreheads were touching each other’s. This was what YN wanted – what she needed. Each thrust of his hips felt as though he was bringing her closer and closer – not only to her orgasm but also to him.

“Harry,” YN whimpered, moving her lips onto Harry’s, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Harry picked up the pace, moving his hips faster and faster until he saw the tell-tale signs. YN’s breathing turned faster, and one of the hands that was on his back reached out to the bed next to her, screwing the sheets into her fist. It hadn’t taken Harry long to pick up the signs, listening to all of the signs that her body gave him. Once that switch was flipped, Harry knew exactly what to do.

“It’s okay, baby,” Harry mumbled against her lips, one of his hands slipping down between their bodies so that he could roll her clit between his fingers, “Let go for me, always look so pretty when you come for me – so pretty.”

“Harry, I’m so close,” YN’s hips moved up to meet Harry’s. The mixture of both Harry’s cock inside of her and also his fingers on her clit, speeding the process along – that was all that YN needed. Her orgasm raked through her body, a line of whimpers escaping her lips, along with a string of Harry’s name. Harry coaxed her through her orgasm, not stopping his pace until he saw the signs.

Harry came not long after, his body going rigid against YN’s. Harry’s head leant down to capture YN’s lips with his again, slowing his hips down until he came to a complete stop inside her. He dropped down – his body weight falling upon YN’s. She felt comfort with it, his body weight pressed on hers.

Silence fell between the two of them, and it wasn’t until a few minutes later when Harry moved to slip out of YN that any sound was made in the room apart from the sound of their breathing. YN felt an emptiness inside of her, but once Harry was laid at her side she wasted no time in moving closer to him. She lipped his leg in between his, her arm wrapping around his chest and resting on his shoulder.

“I…” YN started, her finger lifting to run down Harry’s cheek ever so lightly, “Think you’re a good omen.”

“What?” Harry smiled, tilting his head down slightly so that he could look at her, where her head was resting on his shoulder.

“A good omen,” YN shrugged, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, “I think… you were brought to me to show me that everything is going to be okay.”

“It is going to be okay,” Harry nodded, lifting his hand to brush her hair off her forehead, “Everything is going to be okay.”

It wasn’t that YN believed in anything like that. She didn’t believe in signs before all of this but now. Now, she believed that Harry was her sign. He was her sign.

He was her good omen.

[wongery]

The Wongery — A Site About Imaginary Worlds

Hi! Please check out our site about imaginary worlds!

The Wongery

We've been working on this site for fifteen years, but we've never told anyone else about it until today. Why not? Because we're not very bright, I guess. Is a blazed Tumblr post really the best way to get the word out? Probably not! Like I said, we may not be very bright. Still, I've been on Tumblr for more than a decade (not with this account; I just created this account recently; but I have a personal account I've had for a lot longer), so if nobody ends up visiting the site because of this blazed post, well, I guess the worst-case scenario is that we've just given Tumblr a little money to pay them back for all the time we've spent here. (Well, no; maybe the absolutely worst-case scenario is that somebody does visit the site, and hates it so much they devote their lives to hunting me down and eradicating me and everyone I ever loved, and then this somehow results in the destruction of the universe. But I think that's pretty unlikely.)

Anyway, the site is called the Wongery, and it's at https://wongery.com, and it includes a wiki called the Central Wongery where we post about our own imaginary worlds, and another wiki called the Public Wongery where anyone can post about their creations. It's not limited to just writing text content; there are places where you can post RPG stats for creatures and characters of your worlds, and LEGO models, and video game assets, and more. (Admittedly, there is nothing in those places yet, but they're there.) It's still very much a work in progress, and there are a lot of broken links right now and features we haven't implemented yet, but there's enough there that I hope people can get some enjoyment out of it.

Anyway, please visit our site and see what you think! And please refrain from doing anything that might somehow result in the destruction of the universe. Thank you.

[justatalkingface]

PSA: Speedrunning a story is BAD, or Speedrun Manga Hell.

I know, to the people who lurk in my home of MHA crit and BNHA crit, this isn't exactly news, but I want to practice posting more. So why not?

To sum it up in one snappy line? Spending time on a plot point is the difference between it being a story, and it being an outline.

At least in my mind, an outline is as much a series of messages to yourself than it is an actual story, one or two lines representing a larger concept you, the author, understand, placed to remind you that 'this is where that goes'. Fundamentally, it's not meant for the readers to look at, it's for the author use to help write.

Much like a flower needs water to grow, for an idea to bloom into it's full potential it needs time.

Time spent establishing it's existence in the story.

Time spent discussing or explaining the idea.

Time spent watching it play out in real time.

Time spent watching people react to it after the fact.

And though it was (as I've been going into) a deeply flawed story before that point, the War Arc is where MHA changed, turning from a story into more of a well illustrated outline. This was the moment that even the people who weren't paying a lot of attention to the plot started to notice, 'Hey, the story seems to be worse lately?'

Ever since that point, save only his most favored of topics (Endeavor, Bakugou, and Shigaraki's ever growing collection of fingers) Hori began rushing the story more and more, and there's no better example of this than the main character, Izuku 'I'm literally Hori's puppet' Midoryia.

Seriously, pick out a post War Arc part of the story, and I'll give you a list of points where Izuku isn't given the time any character with a real role in the story deserves, much less the actual main character.

Some universal topics, though, generally include:

What does Izuku think of: (insert plot point here)?

How are people in Class 1A responding to: (insert Izuku related plot point here)?

Often leading to the follow up question of: When is the last time Izuku talked to Class 1A, and not Bakugou (or to a lesser extent Shoto or Ochaku), how long was that interaction, and deep was that actual conversation?

What does Izuku feel when: (insert Bakugou's most recent/relevent insult/actual assault on his person)?

How much has time has Izuku spent mastering his latest abilities recently, not counting when he's in active combat while using them?

When is the last time the Vestiges have shown up as anything other than, 'background images that brood dramatically in the direction of Shigaraki and/or AFO'?

Why do all of these answers fail to satisfy you?

All of that, all of the spiraling issues that come from just those questions... and that's just (just!) the 'main character'. Think about how many characters are in the story at this point, think about how many plot points Hori has been (failing) to juggle. Even if they deserve less attention that Izuku... all of time needed is. Well. A Lot.

Off the top of your head... how much of that needed time was actually happened? For anything in this story?

*gestures broadly*

Exactly. Welcome to Speedrun Manga Hell. Welcome to The Illustrated Outline.

[casinoroyale]

Hi everyone!! Theseus cquackity viceduo zombur revivebur here.

This blog has seen several hiatuses (my bad seriously my bad), and bouts of irregular posting. So I'm sure people who regularly check it have noticed that we (Fiona @quackbur and I) haven't been posting daily anymore and haven't for a bit now. So below the cut I'm gonna talk more about that, and our plans for this blog going forward

For starters, I love roleplaying on this blog so much, as does my cohost Fiona @quackbur. Fiona has done so, so much writing for this and I feel kind of bad for taking her credit over the past two or so years, so props to her for being such a good sport and for everything she's done. This blog wouldn't exist without the shared passion she had for it.

To get sappy, I love the friends I've made in bedrockverse, they remain some of my best and closest companions. I would not trade the times I've spent with them for the world. Beau, Holly & co, Met & Co, and Thunderbottles are some of the loveliest, most supportive, and insanely talented people I have ever had the pleasure of writing with and meeting.

This includes people who aren't part of the bedrockverse that I've written with!! Shoutout to Javi anonymous-jey casino-duckling, TGM the-g-m duckofthelaw, and AD anonymous-dentist therealnoodleman. It was so much fun bringing all the quackverses together, and I respect all of you so much as writers.

AND that also includes EVERYONE who has interacted with her!!!!!!!!!! Everyone who has sent asks (thank you so much, sorry we're terrible at replying), reblogged threads, commented, posted/liveblogged, DREW FAN ART (BLOWS OUR MINDS. THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH INCREDIBLE ART CREATED, WE CANNOT THANK ALL OF YOU ENOUGH), even just liked a thread, thank you. Seriously, it has meant a lot to us to be part of this community, and have so many people enjoy this blog. Insert Pitbull image happy you enjoyed.

So, going forward it would make us really happy if you all pictured casinoroyale as happy. He has songbird-sunrise, goofygoop, and a nation full of citizens that she loves. She babysits for tubbolul and latenightmining, and terrorizes rp!emduo not infrequently. All we really wanted was to bring c!quackity to a happy place and I feel we've done that. Of course he still has shit days, as a ptsd baddie, but the good days are more common. And if we never get to it (though I hope someday we do, maybe in the form of a collaborative one-shot or fic) know that casinoroyale and songbird-sunrise DO eventually get [REDACTED]. And one of them DOES get [REDACTED]. That was always the plan! Yay! [REDACTED]!

Not to say that we don't have more arcs planned for this blog, because we do! I just don't know when/if/how they'll ever get written, especially because a lot of my friends have moved on from their rp blogs as well. But I really do still feel happy with where he's at and happy with everything I've done. This is a project I'm really, really proud of and I will always look back on fondly.

None of this means that I'm not interested in c!Quackity or DSMP as a whole anymore, either. Actually that couldn't be further from the truth. But now I'd like to be able to focus on fics, and other forms of writing, which I've been doing more recently :D actually, you can read a short one shot I posted for exile's anniversary HERE

If you've made it this far into this long, sappy post, THANKS!!!!!! The TLDR; this blog is on an indefinite hiatus, and won't be returning to its formal glory, and that's okay. We had a really good run. Now, off we go to other things

[ashley-is-tired-af]

You are in Love

Mattheo x reader

Warnings : brief mention of drugs.

Hey guys, I've never actually posted fanfiction on this website, but I'm not a stranger to writing it- no I will not let you track down my cringy middle school AO3 content. I've never written for this fandom before, but it and this character have really been an obsession of mine recently. This is a short little fic I wrote about you realizing you're in love with Mattheo. Lyrics from the song You Are in Love by Taylor Swift.

~~~~~~~

You were sitting in the library, studying for the upcoming Herbology exam. The last one had kicked your butt, how were you supposed to memorize all those different plants? To say the least, you couldn’t afford to do poorly on this next one. So here you had been all afternoon, studying away so you could hang out with your friends later. The library was silent, the only sounds were the scratching of feathers on parchment, flipping pages and the occasional half stifled cough. With how quiet it was you’d think you’d have heard him sneaking up behind you. Hearing the mug hit the table you looked up from the mandrake diagram you were so desperately trying to memorize. Your eyes landed on the cup of tea and followed the hand up to meet the eyes of your boyfriend, Mattheo Riddle. He gave you a smile then sat across from you, pulling out his own homework.

You can hear it in the silence.

You, Mattheo, and your friends sat just inside the forbidden forest at your secret spot. It was a warmer evening, so the gang had decided to grab their coats and pass around the joint. A night of laughter and stories was much needed. The war was looming ever closer and you had all unwillingly become tied up in it. As the night grew long you grew tired and cold. Mattheo, who had noticed at the first yawn, made some excuse for why the two of you had to leave. It almost seemed like he couldn’t wait to get you alone. He grabbed your hand leading you from the forest back toward the castle. You leaned into him, into the warmth. He shook his head and wrapped his arm around you, leading you off to the dormitories.

You can feel it on the way home.

He had led you back to his place, which was not a shock. Recently you had spent more nights here then in your own room. Staying in a room alone with your boyfriend sounded a lot nicer than in your shared room most nights. Not that you didn’t love your roommate. You changed into his sweatshirt and crawled under the covers. Mattheo turned off the lights and slid in next to you. 

After a few hours of slumber you woke up, needing a glass of water. You untangled your body from Mattheo's embrace, trying your best not to wake him. You reach out to the water bottle on your night stand and take a few sips, turning back to the sleeping form of your boyfriend. In the nearly dark room, you could only make out his vague figure, huddled under the blankets. You watched as the blankets rose and fell in time with his breaths, a smile coming to your face.

You can see it with the lights out.

The two of you had yet to say the words, and you didn’t know where he stood on it. But in this moment, you knew.

You are in love.

[johannestevans]

Possibly an odd question, but……do you have advice on how to be a slut? I’m recently out as a gay trans man, in my 30’s, only ever been with straight cisgender men, and I have no idea where to start. Being on testosterone has helped with the dysphoria, but I can’t seem to let go of old habits from when I was a girl having sex with guys. You can ignore this if you don’t feel comfortable answering, I just thought given the nature of your blog you might have some really good insights

It's not an odd question at all, Anon - I think that for a lot of trans MLM and other people who were raised as or spent a long time being perceived as women transitioning to MLM spaces, it can be a really strange feeling because like... The attitudes to sex and pleasure are just so completely different.

In the West, the culture around sexual and dating life for women who have sex with men is obviously heavily influenced by patriarchal sexual objectification of women, and like...

I do want to write a bit more about this at some point, but straight hook-up and casual dating apps like Tinder and Hinge and so on came after Grindr, and while through the 00s and the 10s there's been a sense of sexual liberation for women who have sex with men, like... Many men still think of women as prizes to be won or status symbols and extensions of their reputation; many people as a rule still think of women as sexually disposable and easily exchangeable, and more than that, they think that women are permanently marked or have their value reduced by the amount of sex or sexual partners they have.

While there has been more discussion and awareness of consent within broader society, ultimately we still live in a patriarchal rape culture that positions men as sexual aggressors and women as receivers of sexual aggression, and ultimately like--

There's the obvious safety concerns to be taken into account, the understanding that women undertake a lot of risk of sexual violence in their pursuit of casual dating and hook-ups specifically because of the way that women are viewed and treated, and obviously with everything I've just said, none of it prioritises women's pleasure or even takes it into account unless it's the performance of pleasure for the sake of male viewers' titillation and satisfaction.

How can you meaningfully communicate about consent and pleasure, as someone perceived as a cis woman, with a cisgender man who thinks of you as sub-human, or as a prize or achievement to be won? How can you talk about what feels good and what you want from sex when your pleasure is viewed and talked about not only as an afterthought, but as something that's inherently less important than the pleasure of the men you have sex with?

How can you talk about sex and desire at all, when the culture you live in says in many ways, implicit and explicit, that you are not capable of such things, and shouldn't be? When it claims that women are sexually desirable, but men are not sexually desirable at all, and are merely beasts to be withstood and endured? When sex itself is something you're meant to be on the "receiving end" of, with your pleasure a side consideration if you're very lucky, and not a mutual experience you share with another person?

Cis women who have sex with men have all that to consider, and as trans men (or other trans people), we're also grappling with our dysphoria, our own feelings about our bodies and sex and desire, our relationships to other men, and particularly to the culture that's in MLM spaces.

I have two guides below - one is about vulvar and vaginal stimulation which is intended for masturbation and self-exploration, but is also good to explore with partners. I think one of the most powerful things we can have in our arsenals is understanding of our own body and our own likes and desires, and hopefully this can be a good starting place for that!

The second is a basic guide to using Grindr as a trans man (it should be usable for nonbinary and other trans ppl), and it also discusses some of the specifics in MLM cruising culture in passing.

Ringing The Devil’s Doorbell: A Light-Hearted, Practical Guide — Let’s talk sex! Vulvar and vaginal stimulation for fun, pleasure, and profit. On Medium.

Looking For 🍑🍆💦: A Beginner’s Guide to Grindr for Trans Men — Approaching Grindr and M/M cruising culture as a trans man. On Patreon / / On Medium.

Feel free to mention any specific bad habits you're having trouble with in follow-up asks, because I'm obviously not you and don't know your personal experiences.

I will say that like... If you do feel you have old habits that are things like not communicating your needs and desires or going silent, faking orgasms, going still and letting someone else "do" sex with you, etc, like.

The use of the phrase "habit" here troubles me a bit, you know? I feel like "old habit" might mean "bad habit" and like...

Cisgender women who do these things are not acting in a vaccuum, and nor are any trans people who are or were perceived as cis women. Nor are you. These are things that people ultimately do out of shame, trauma, uncertainty, fear of communicating explicitly, and a lack of confidence that is firmly embedded in us by a dominant culture that ultimately hates us. Hates women, employs misogyny, but also hates any kind of gender variance, as well as sex that's employed for reasons other than cis patriarchal sexual satisfaction and impregnation.

My point being that none of it is your fault. Not being confident with casual sex with men and/or with sex in general even though you'd like to embrace a slut era is not something to be ashamed of, it's not on you - apart from any dysphoria you might be feeling, even if you haven't experienced sexual violence or abuse, pretty much everyone has some ingrained traumas and fears given to us by the culture we live in, especially when we've been perceived as and treated as women.

So, how do we start with it?

Grindr is the obvious place to start for a lot of MLM - it's easy, it's convenient, it's right there. You might have safety concerns, though, because of the relative anonymity of it, especially if you haven't had sex or been in community with other MLM and queer men before, and you don't feel as comfortable navigating and measuring social or suspicious ones, especially over text!

When I went back to using Grindr after like eight years being celibate for Trauma Reasons, I went for fucking dudes who were staying in hotels - they were tourists, a lot of them, so I wasn't necessarily going to see them a bunch of times afterwards, but also, I preferred the safety of a hotel to seeing people at their homes.

Hotels are staffed, in public places, where you're easily within reach of other people, and unlike in apartment blocks or houses in neighbourhoods, people aren't going to ignore any loud noise and go "Oh it's none of my business" - they'll probably come out to see what the matter is. They also have private ensuite bathrooms, which is a nice convenience and not always guaranteed at someone's home.

Honestly, though? That's very much worse case scenario stuff.

One of the benefits of Grindr for me is that we normally talk in quite explicit terms before meeting up what we like, what we might want from the encounter - and when we meet up, it's normally pretty easy to communicate what we want out loud, saying, "let's do this" or "I like this" aloud as we touch and kiss each other.

The thing about MLM cruising culture and casual sex is that like...

For cis men and women, there is a vision of sex that's going to be upheld - they kiss. They lie in bed together. He puts his penis in her vagina. He thrusts until he comes. Sex is complete, because the man has come.

A lot of people will even refer to penis-in-vagina sex as "real" sex, or have ideas that penetrative sex is the only "real" or "full" sex because of its resemblance to PIV sex. Even when we talk about "foreplay", foreplay is considered almost a necessary evil to "ready" yourself for the real sex - the penetration.

Within MLM cruising culture, while penetration is absolutely the primary goal for a lot of people as a top or bottom, there are also sides (people who don't top or bottom), and even within topping and bottoming, there's plenty of other sex acts. Oral sex, nipple play, jacking each other off, massage, kink acts, etc.

I've had guys come over just to suck me off and then be like "thanks, I'm done" and go - and I've also BEEN that guy, because I love sucking dick, and sometimes it's its own reward.

The encounter is not necessarily finished because the top has orgasmed, either - if you are having penetrative sex, a lot of tops will make sure the bottom has come at least once first (just in terms of muscle relaxation, this is actually a good tip for vaginismus and/or tight anal and vaginal muscles), or they'll come and then start going down on you or fingering you because it's your turn now.

It's not all as simple as "taking turns" or anything, but the thing about MLM cruising culture is that like...

The whole basis of men meeting up to have sex with each other is that we love other men and we desire them. We desire to feel good with other men and to make other men feel good. It's historically been based in anonymity because this desire for each other and the nature of this desire had to be kept clandestine for our safety, but because of its clandestine and simultaneously casual (as in, unattached) nature, it is in many ways extremely sexually liberated.

MLM often explore different kinks and explore different people's desires and their bodies - it's curious and explorative, and a lot of it is about exploring different sex acts, positions, and perspectives of sexuality and relationships, because we already exist in counter to the mainstream cultural shames around sex. Just by desiring men and seeing men as desirable (especially as men ourselves), we're going against the domiannt perspective of the binary as like, women are beautiful, men are ugly.

While there are absolutely people who treat cruising as something transactional just for them to get their rocks off, it's a fundamentally different culture and philosophy around desire and sexuality compared to what exists with casual sex and dating for heterosexual people.

I'm sorry this is so much based in your potential perspective and the cultural aspects rather than specific explicit tips on how to slut around, so I will give a few specific tips on that now! It's just hard to know what angle you're looking for, and I do think a lot of the hardest part is changing our perspectives and exploring what we actually desire and need from our sex life.

So, some practical tips on slutting around:

testosterone is not a contraceptive! if you can't use a hormonal contraceptive like the pill or the implant, there are non-hormonal IUDs that you can use at the same time as condoms. if you want to fuck without condoms and can't use hormonal contraceptives, there's also the cap or contraceptive diaphragm!

you can buy condoms in bulk and it's so much cheaper - even the big brands will have bulk-buy options by the few dozen, and it's worth doing. always try and carry a few in your bag, have a few in your medicine cabinet. never go to a hook-up assuming they'll have condoms - always ask in advance and bring a few along!

regular size condoms will be fine in most scenarios, but your hook-up might need a larger size and/or have a latex allergy, so again, asking in advance is always a good idea

emergency contraceptives are not contraindicated with your testosterone. emergency contraceptives are also not contraindicated with emergency PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis), which will prevent you from contracting HIV after exposure. it is important after unprotected vaginal sex that you take both of these into account.

get tested regularly - if you do use Grindr, Grindr can actually regularly remind you to get your STI tests, especially your HIV! otherwise, every 3 to 6 months is a good shout depending on how much sex you're having - even if you never bareback and are on multiple contraceptives, regular STI tests (and pregnancy tests) are a good idea just in case. in ireland (and in some places in the UK), they will even let you do your STI tests for free by post!

use toys while you're having sex if you like them! Use a vibrator, use a vibrating cock ring, play around with it, have some fun! try different condoms - flavoured, ribbed, etc - and try different positions, too. explore, enjoy!

check out local queer and kink groups - there might be local BDSM meet-ups, kink events, raves etc, and it can be nice to be in touch with the local community, and you can pick up skills too, like by doing bondage workshops etc

try and hang out with other MLM, especially other trans MLM! even when you know in your own head that you desire men and to be desired by them, just being in community with other men where that desire is normalised and celebrated does so much to fucking kill the cishetero patriarchal brainworms. it takes a lot of time for any of us to unlearn that shit, and it's a process!

[dxy-drxxm]

SYNOPSIS: Kaeya has a lot of things he enjoyed about you. Or, well, admired, to be frank.

CW/s: tooth rotting fluff, short drabble, kaeya is a hopeless SIMP (/silly), tbh he's just a silly guy who can't confess if his life depended on it (and... It did lol), can be interpreted as platonic or romantic (it's both, but it's a slow transition from platonic to romantic hehe)

NOTE: hi, this drabble is for @ryuryuryuyurboat for @ecrin-de-litterature's "kiss (don't tell)" event! I hope you enjoy a drabble of Kaeya being a hopeless simp because as much as I'd like to write a full blown date with him, I've been busy since college and I want to curl up and pass away. orz.

Kaeya never says a lot about the person he admires.

For him, the Cavalry Captain had more than enough to take care of. Maybe it was due to the job that kept him busy, or even because of how life gave him a batch of lemons that he needed to deal with.

But when it comes to certain people like who he's seen now, it made him feel as though he became but the same child when Cyrus adopted him all those years ago.

He still remembered the first time you two met—you were one of Lisa's attendants. An assistant, one could say. You're always available whenever Lisa isn't feeling the urge to check in the library, which is often, and Kaeya had decided to try and see what you're like.

Sure, you may have panicked and treated him like a stranger, but it wasn't long for you two to get close. Soon, you're treating him like you two have been friends for years, joking and laughing over certain things.

Kaeya couldn't help but smile. He always liked seeing others express joy when he couldn't.

Though, little by little, the dynamic seem to change. Others pointed out to him that you and Kaeya had been together for quite a while now, always speaking and chatting over the most mundane things.

Petty drama from the knights, Lisa's recent books and those who borrowed arriving late, the many foreigners that came about when the traveler would be busy in another region... You two had a lot to talk about, and sometimes, he didn't notice how much you two could never stop speaking of such things.

It was stupid, he's aware, but he wouldn't lie and say he didn't like it. On the contrary, he enjoyed that time being spent on something he considering to be enjoyable.

You made his days less unbearable. Like he can wake up one day and think that things will be fine.

He admired that charm from you. You make it seem so... natural.

There were even moments that the two of you shared. He remembered your first Windblume festival with him, the first time you've spent working for a year with Lisa (it was your work anniversary, he joked to you once), and even down to when you two travelled to different nations together.

He's seen it all— your highs, lows, and even the turnarounds. He's heard you rant and ramble of the nations, and yet he felt his pride raise when you'd return to Mondstadt, still calling it your home.

It was clear that you have seen that place, out of every nation, as the best. In return, he did his best keeping it safe. Although, there had been moments he would mess up.

He may act confident, but when alone, he'd feel like he's a lost child again. He loathed that feeling.

The first time you've seen him act like it was when you two spoke of each other's pasts. Kaeya has told you what happened between him and Diluc, and he could never forget the way you hugged him for hearing his voice crack.

He cares for Diluc, like how he cares for you. However, how could he say the same for his adopted brother? Would he ever do the same thing you did to him?

... Perhaps. Perhaps not, even.

Still, he couldn't help but think how much he can even handle this feeling. It's a secret he's kept that your actions made him feel like he can be free, yet he kept himself trapped by will.

He was trapped in the feeling of admiration and envy, clashing and fighting against each other. It made his heart soar and ache when things happen, both because of you and because of himself.

He felt envious of you. He wanted to say that to you, but seeing you smile got rid of that envy.

...

It was a strange conundrum. One that left him sleepless for nights on end... And that's when it clicked.

He realized that it was a form of self-sabotage.

Kaeya didn't want to ruin the relationship you two had as friends, so he kept it under lock and key. He threw the key away, denying that he felt something to you. Denying that he felt as though he loved you that way. He couldn't. He didn't even know the answer.

...

It was stupid to worry. It truly is.

But now? How could he not worry?

He's done this to himself. Even if others told him to say it, to utter those words he forbade himself from speaking, he kept his mouth shut. You two are friends, and he's far too used to admiring you and your acts from afar.

He's craved to admire someone that would make him feel this way, and he got what he asked. Although, he couldn't bring himself to hate you for charming him like that.

After all, that is what makes you you. And he doesn't want you to lose the only thing that fits you perfectly.

@.dxy-drxxm | do not republish, repost, or copy my works anywhere | 2024

[ciciciron]

When the when the autism kicks in and suddenly it's 1 am and I have a completed Lear design despite the fact he doesn't show up in my au until the sequel fic

Naturally the best course of action to take with Hoopa!Lear was to make him more emo, and also pink, and also tan because I felt like it. Severe infodump under the cut cuz I am so. about him

Brief overview of the au- it just involves a lot of multiverse bullshit, as well as pokemon-human hybrids known as either gods (for mythical or legendary pokemon, created by being blessed either by an Arceus or fusing with the pre existing legendary) or demons (people who sell their soul when they die and tangentially become part Pokemon because fun character design). The story follows this guy named Akagi as he works to defeat his father once and for all...to put it simply.

Lear, or actually Lyer because he's from the first universe in context of all of this and therefore I have to use the Japanese name, was originally human just like most of the gods. This relates to the bigger picture but like 10,000 years before the story takes place there was this big event that left half the world destroyed and time all fucked up, bro almost died lmao loser but Hoopa fused with him to save his life

He then spent the next 10k years doing fuck all but being silly and visiting random universes until it was decided he was to be plot relevant where all he did was make travel easier which some how proved him more useful than any other traveling companion the mc had before

He only agrees to it because he's searching for the prison bottle so he can actually unlock his full power instead of just being 5'2" and able to teleport. And it's convenient enough that their destinations line up pretty well and he's more protected this way

Also not to get too angsty because it'll be at least a year before I can write any part of this story because I physically cannot work so out of order but given the fact he never had his character development in masters and has also genuinely lost everyone he's ever cared about because that long ass stretch of time (where bro didn't age, I'll add, he's still 17 here smh couldn't even drown the pain with alcohol or smth) he's even more difficult and it takes a lot more for him to accept that he doesn't have to suffer alone

(Also lowkey oc x canon but you cannot come into my house and insult my gay furniture when I have good lore reasons)

Also unrelated but when I was autistically scrolling the tags for him on Tumblr I learned that other people have made Hoopa!Lear design's and I was so like...that was so fun to see hehe it inspired me to finally draw mine. I've been obsessed with him recently which came out of no where- he wasn't in the story at all until a month ago

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: The Bad Buddy Rewatch Edition, Part 4 -- Thoughts on Pran Leaving For Singapore

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I offer the last installment of the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series -- a meditation on Pran's readiness to move to Singapore.]

Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4

WE ARE AT THE HOME STRETCH, FAM! If you've been reading along on this journey of the Bad Buddy OGMMTVC Meta Series, why, I thank you so much! This has been one of the most fulfilling labors of writing love that I've ever undertaken. Bad Buddy means so much to me and to so many of us, and I've spent a lot of time, and expended QUITE the word count, to honor this show in all the facets that I've thought about it.

I wanted to take some time, at the end of this meta series, to talk about some of the facets that I've thought of, and that I've engaged others in discussion about, regarding Pran leaving for Singapore for two years. Let me explain why.

When Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy (x A Tale of Thousand Stars) came out this past June, I felt that us as a fandom might have been looking for clues, some kind of reckoning, for the separation that occurred at the end of the Bad Buddy series. We were so overwhelmed as a fandom with a lot:

the impending end of this entire franchise that we love

the impending end of the OhmNanon ship, knowing that Ohm Pawat does not repeat screen partners, and that Nanon Korapat was not happy doing shipping fan service, and

the tie-ins with A Tale of Thousand Stars and Pha Pun Dao, and wondering how EarthMix would get involved with the ending of BBS. (I myself was overwhelmed with OhmEarth, cough cough, and I stay WONDERING when GMMTV is going to DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, anyway.)

It was a lot to take in. I know that, for myself, I was definitely looking for clues regarding Pran's emotional readiness to take off for two years to work in Singapore -- and to understand the health of Pran's and Pat's relationship, as they neared graduation, to get to that place of that kind of huge decision.

In this piece, I'm going to put together a lot of the theories and themes I've looked over in my previous pieces, to understand that state of readiness. I mentioned in part two of this series, a meditation on pain, trust, and separation in some Asian dramas, the obvious fact about Pran's departure, one that he literally says himself: the opportunity to make a better career move and better money made the decision to move overseas a clear one. I slapped my forehead in recognition of this when I talked to @recentadultburnout about this, regarding the Thai/Asian viewpoint of this decision -- and I talked about the very common paradigm of economic separations from loved ones from many Asian countries, to go abroad to seek out better salaries and opportunities.

However, I think a kind of nostalgia for Pran and Pat permeated the fandom during Our Skyy 2 anyway, despite that reality. And like I said earlier: what I was looking for during the Our Skyy 2 run were signs of readiness from Pran specifically, to indicate his emotional movement towards making this decision.

My dear fellow BBS stan (I'd say we're almost colleagues now, HA!) @telomeke has waxed beautifully on how Pran attempts to keep his spaces, his inner sanctuary, safe from the traumas that he unwillingly experiences external to his body. The traumas of the various separations he experiences from Pat, the pressures to comport to the demands and boundaries that are set to him by others, namely Dissaya and Wai, and so on.

As I wrote in part 2 of this series: even before the 10th grade separation of Pat and Pran, Pran was already experiencing what I called a "theoretical separation" from Pat, a public separation that did not allow the two boys to even pretend to be friends at school. Then the 10th grade Christmas concert occurs, and Pran is -- poof, gone.

I unwound in part two of this series that that separation was quite remarkable, not just for Pat, who experienced a huge reaction to that separation ("I was so depressingly lonely"), but for Pran, who, I posit, was essentially abandoned by his mother (that's a little harsh, but I'm a mom, too, so I feel this emotionally and structurally) to go to boarding school, out of Dissaya's fear that her son would be hurt by Pat and the Jindapats, the way that she was when she was a teenager. In other words, Dissaya would have rather had Pran away from her, physically, to continue the enmity between the Jindapats and the Siridechawats, than to risk Pran continuing to be physically close to Pat.

In all other words: separation from loved ones, in the life of Pran, had hitherto been associated with trauma. Even regarding the final "theoretical separation" that I posit Pran and Pat having at the end of the series -- where they must pretend to be broken up in order to save the sanctity of their relationship -- that compromise, that sacrifice is certainly associated with the intergenerational trauma that the Jindapats and Siridechawats have levied unto their children. And because of Asian cultural norms, such as saving face, obedience, and filial loyalty to one's family, Pat and Pran will not play an individualistic game of declaring their relationship publicly. Instead, they'll pretend to be broken up, with Pat asking, years later, when he'll ever be able to walk through Pran's front door.

That's a LOT! It's a lot.

So, how do we get from the guys being "theoretically separated," to being actually separated, for two years? There are two ways that I want to look at the actual separation: from the perspective of Pran's emotional readiness, and from a lens that I didn't think of that @telomeke proposed, regarding Dissaya's lost future as a university student.

I stand from the perspective that Our Skyy 2, both for Bad Buddy and for A Tale of Thousand Stars, is underrated. It was full of comedy and improvisation, but after my recent rewatches -- Our Skyy 2 also contained some of the most beautiful emotional closures to on-screen relationships that I've seen. The conclusions to both PatPran and PhuphaTian were so lovely.

"I can't live without him."

"I can't live without you." "Neither can I."

"If anything happens to you -- how can I live?"

The phrase "I can't live without you" is the key to the door opening to Pran's ultimate independence. Before then, Pran still felt insecure enough (which we learn about through his conversation with Phupha) to feel guilty about the previous ways in which he was engaging with his partner, Pat.

In light of that insecurity, and with the confirmations of such permanence -- I can't live without you, I will live forever with you, I can't survive without you -- that gives a person like Pran a foundation, a sense of security.

It sounds so simple, but remember that Pran has not had any kind of sense of security up until the point of his relationship with Pat. Again, even his mother separated herself from her son for her own fear, reputation, and enmity.

Pat's loving confirmation opens the door for Pran to.... finally be himself. If Pat will never leave Pran, Pran can find safety -- maybe even external to his inner sanctuary in which he's found his own internal peace up until the moment that they graduate -- to find himself, through new means, like his burgeoning career.

I love the way that Our Skyy 2 ended in particular around the ongoing commentary between Pran and Pat that Pat was still under the assumption that without Pat, Pran "can't do anything." In fact, when Pat first admits that he "can't live without" Pran, he notes that he's the fool in that equation -- that he's the one who can't function without his partner in Pran. With Pat's solid love for Pran, and with that admission, Pat himself can also let go of his motif of enmeshment and dependence that he assumes Pran has towards Pat -- and allow Pran to be his own holistic self, away from the demands of dependent people like Pat and Dissaya.

In a quick conversation I had with @chickenstrangers a couple of months ago, we actually noted that Pran happens to like having strongminded people around him, people who set boundaries around him and for him -- people like Dissaya, like Wai, and even like Pat, with Pat's jingle of "you can't do this without me" rattling through Pran's head as Pran first boards the bus to Pha Pun Dao. I would posit that that for so long, other people did the work for Pran of setting those external -- and even many of those internal -- boundaries that Pran operated by, that Pran then, without the safety of that inner sanctuary, could often fall into confusion or maybe even a little stress-induced dissociation, during times in which he didn't know how to solve problems, like fixing the dilapidated bus station early in the Bad Buddy series.

But with Pat's own internal change and admission in Pha Pun Dao -- Pran himself then gets to change within far more safe boundaries, the boundaries of his relationship, and he's literally able to fly, both emotionally and professionally.

Besides the internal relationship dynamics between Pran and Pat giving Pran the emotional safety to be able to leave Thailand, my dear BBS compadre, @telomeke, offered another theory regarding Dissaya that I thought was incredibly apt. We know that Dissaya's had almost total control over Pran's physical being for his entire life. How could she let Pran, her only baby boy, go so far away from her?

Again, we know that she sent him to boarding school, away from her, to get him away from Pat. But Pran going to Singapore wasn't about getting away from Pat. At least on paper, for her sake -- he's no longer with Pat, so she doesn't have the Jindapats to worry about in Pran's life anymore.

What @telomeke offers is a read that Dissaya herself could live vicariously through Pran's professional successes -- because her own professional success was denied to her, through Pat's father, Ming. From @telomeke:

...Pran, in going to Singapore, is actually, in a way, living out Dissaya's dream, because she was robbed of a professional future in a career outside the home, so in making a success of himself in his chosen career, he is, in a sense, allowing Dissaya to live her dream thru her baby boy. She didn't stop him from going to Singapore, and I think this is partly why; Pran's success will be hers too[.]

What this theory offers -- along with Pat's own safety and sanctity through Pat's confirmation of permanent love -- is Pran's safety through Dissaya. Dissaya gave Pran up once (arguably, she gave him up a bunch of times). But if Pran is living out a professional dream that was dashed for Dissaya -- and Dissaya supports Pran living out that professional dream? Pran gets double confirmation, from the two people he is the closest with, that he'll be safe to live out a dream of his own, one that belongs only to him, that the people who love him want to see him invest in.

And we see Pran having great success in Singapore. It worked. On the flip side, we see Pat's pain at the separation all throughout the first half of episode 12. We see Pat viscerally missing Pran, and we see other shades of Pat's pain as well (cc @shortpplfedup), especially in the resulting years of conflict with his father after he comes out to Ming with Pran. But with separation will come pain, and it's on a couple, a couple as well-balanced as Pran and Pat, to deal with that and mitigate that pain through their eventual and forever love, the love that was truly confirmed in Our Skyy 2.

Whew. I drop my pen in pure pleasure at turning over this incredible television series through all the lenses that I've been obsessing over, not just for the past two months during my rewatches and my writing, but since this past January, when I first watched this incredible series. I've been so thrilled to demarcate BBS like this on its two-year anniversary, and again, I very much want to thank @telomeke, @grapejuicegay, @recentadultburnout, @neuroticbookworm, and @lurkingshan for discussions on Asian reads on BBS; and @chickenstrangers and @ranchthoughts for side DMs about the wonders of this show. With the closer of this mini meta series, I'll chug along on the final stretch of the OGMMTVC -- but I am tremendously happy to have given Bad Buddy all the space it deserves on this syllabus as a truly remarkable, influential, and groundbreaking show of its time.

(Tagging @dribs-and-drabbles, @solitaryandwandering, and @wen-kexing-apologist by request!)

[ALLLLLLLLLRIGHT! Back to the GRIND, fam! So right now, I have the OGMMTVC on pause as I catch up with Tanachot Prapasri's and Fluke Teerapat's La Pluie, as I know La Pluie is going to end up on a lot of Best of 2023 lists. I AM OBSESSED.

But once I'm done with La Pluie, we stay grindin' on our homework, and I'll get to Cheewin Thanamin's Secret Crush on You. I know that SCOY is being referenced in The Sign right now, which I really wish I had time to watch, but -- there is so much airing. And I'm double-Cheewin-ing with Playboyy at the moment, so I think I'll stick with the SCOY/Playboyy double-feature for a little comparison's sake.

If anyone was noticing, I did take off a rewatch of The Eclipse from the list. I think, as of recent times, that a lot can be said of GMMTV's current ships by way of the closing of Only Friends, and anything I was going to analyze on the side of The Eclipse, I already wrote in my Only Friends meta earlier this fall.

So THAT means that after SCOY -- I've got a rewatch of KinnPorsche on the slate. BL cultural zeitgeist from a brand-new studio, woop woop! I am not-so-secretly looking forward to watching this, as KP was my first Thai BL, ever.

We keep KEEPIN'! Here's the status of the list, and as ever, please head over to this link for a more updated version of this watchlist!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here)

31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (The BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series is ongoing: preamble here, part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3a here, part 3b here) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (on pause for La Pluie) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 39) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 40) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 41) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 42) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here)  43) Wedding Plan (2023)  44) Only Friends (2023) (tag here)]

[maxislvt]

Teach Me How To Love

Summary: Agatha would love nothing more than to keep you cooped up in her mansion like a pet. Unfortunately, even omegas need to be let out of the house on occasion. Not even she could expect your

Warnings: smut, omegaverse, anal play, blindfolds, alpha!Agatha, public sex, exhibitionism

Author's note: This gotta be the most unethical omegaverse I've ever written in my entire four years of writing fanfiction. I actually heard the gates of heaven close in my dreams.

Growing up on an omega farm prepared you for many things. You learned how to cook, clean, and handle alphas at their lowest. For the longest time, you pride yourself on being the ideal omega. That's all you had. A big number was attached to your name because you knew your place in life. The real world was far different from the little enclosure you'd grown up in. Different in a lot of ways. The real world was big and scary. Alphas with no dignity would do just about anything to get their hands on you. That was a bad difference. 

Agatha was a good difference.

 The real world didn't come with any older omegas or betas to help you get dressed or make dinner for you. The real world gave you Agatha, who paid betas to make you dinner and clean your clothes. Dressing you was a privilege only Agatha got. Helping you get ready for bed was entirely her responsibility. Bathing you, brushing your teeth, and washing your face were her jobs. Then, she would pick out the finest clothes that would keep you comfortable and warm through the night. All you had to do was sit still and look cute. 

Being pampered was amazing, but it made you question your worth. What good was an omega that didn't cook or clean? That was a question you had no answer to and it made you antsy. Agatha had all but banned you from the kitchen and the staff was more than happy to comply. You felt like you were rotting away in the biggest house you'd ever seen. An idle omega was a stressed one, and a stressed omega was unruly. 

Agatha knew that much. She'd rather die than let you have any sort of independence, but a compromise wasn't ever off the table with you. 

"What's the matter, superstar? You're upset." Agatha's thumb ran over the small of your back as she continued studying the documents on her laptop. She watched as you mindlessly nipped and scratched at the pillow beneath you while watching TV. "Come on, tell your alpha what's wrong." A smile spread across her face as you purred and nuzzled her thigh. 

You took a deep breath and inhaled her scent. Affection was a lot better than terrorizing your least favorite pillow. "Mm, I feel useless," You confessed with your face still buried in Agatha's thigh. Even back on the farm, you were never so complacent. Maybe the younger omegas needed help getting ready or older ones needed help with dishes. There was always something to be done. Now you were just stuck laying around all day. "I can't just sit around every day for the rest of my life…I gotta do something." Another long purr came from your throat as Agatha lovingly scratched the top of your head. 

Agatha hummed before she got an idea. "You know, we moved buildings recently and the movers just can't seem to find any of my stuff. I was going to hire someone to redecorate, but I'd love to have your help instead." She squished your cheeks as you perked up. "I don't exactly have a budget or idea in mind, so you can have all the fun you want." 

You were practically vibrating from excitement. "I can do anything I want? Even make my own nest in the corner?" Agatha's nod had you practically screaming with excitement. "It'll be so pretty! I promise you!" You were so enthralled by your new task. You spent the entire weekend putting together Pinterest boards and Amazon lists, totally unaware of Agatha ordering her office to be cleared out for your amusement. 

The following Monday, Agatha woke you up a little earlier than normal to help you get dressed for the day ahead. You certainly didn't approve of her routine, not including breakfast, but Agatha promised to have a big lunch to make up for it later. 

Though Agatha's paperwork had piled high, she found herself adoring the little distractions that came from your presence. Your thoughtful hums and constant shifting of what little furniture she had in her office. She let you have fun until lunchtime rolled around. "Come on, superstar, you gotta get something in that little tummy of yours. I'll order lunch, you take a break."  She patted her lap, signaling for you to sit down between them. 

"Can you order from the fancy sushi place? I like the little green stuff on the side." You wiggled in the space between Agatha's chair and the desk. It was a lot bigger than you imagined it'd be. The smooth glass top gave you a wonderful view of Agatha's face and the panel in front made you feel oddly safe. You were in your own little world. A glass cage for you and no one else. It didn't matter how many alphas or betas walked into Agatha's office, you remained comfortable in your glass prism. It wasn't until a familiar face entered Agatha's office that you perked up. 

Wanda, the woman who initially gifted you to Agatha, had decided to stop by. Crisp black slacks, a partially buttoned red silk shirt, and black high heels to match. She looked professional. Far from the tipsy alpha that had purchased you and had you put in a box as a Christmas present. She smiled and waved at you before looking up to talk to your alpha. Wanda was usually more talkative to you, but someone else made up for her lack of attention. 

Behind Wanda, stood someone a little less professional. The first thing you noticed was the deep red collar wrapped around her neck. Then, you noticed her lack of appropriate clothes.  Her short red hair was a frizzy and uncombed mess, her pajama shorts were a size too small and constantly riding up her thighs, and she had a t-shirt that didn't match and was worn the night before. Sleep had smothered her face, but seemingly disappeared when she made eye contact with you. The smaller woman got down on her knees and crawled right in front of the glass panel. "I didn't know there were other omegas here! Hi, my name's Natasha but you can call me Nat! Can we be friends?" 

Her forwardness had shocked you. You'd never met an omega outside of the farm before, but you were happy. "Hey, I'm Y/N! I would like to be friends!"  You looked up at Agatha and gave her the prettiest pout you could muster, unaware of Natasha doing the same. "Please, I promise to come back for lunch and I won't make a mess!" You purred as Agatha affectionately scratched the back of your head. "Pretty please?"

Agatha sighed and kissed the top of your head. "Fine, but you have 30 minutes and I expect a clean plate after all that running around. Got it?" She slid back her chair and let you run off around the building to explore the building. A content sigh escaped her lips once you left. "Ah, don't give me that look! You gave them to me, what was I supposed to do? Just let them rot in the house all day?"

Wanda chuckled. "No, but it's hard to think that less than a month ago you were shouting at me to take them back and yelling about how unethical it was."  A triumphant hum escaped her lips as she sat down on top of the desk. "You know, my beloved little Natasha could use a role model."

Agatha sighed. Another one of her co-worker's insane ideas that she couldn't say no to. "It better be good or I'm pushing you off my desk." 

Wanda faked offense. "Relax, I'm not saying they have to watch Nat. I'm just saying Nat could use a role model…someone to look up to." She winked at the older woman, hoping she'd catch the hint. 

For a moment, Agatha just stared at Wanda. Then, her brows furrowed in frustration and confusion. She gave herself a few more minutes to think before scuffing and giving up completely. "You and your senseless innuendos, just tell me your stupid little plan!" A frustrated huff escaped her lips. 

✫✫✫✫✫✫✫✫

Even after you finished your little decorating spree, Agatha continued bringing you to work with her. It was the fun you needed. Natasha was always there to come up with silly games and drag you to some undiscovered part of the building or Agatha would give you some small task to do as time ticked by. 

Sometimes those tasks were risky, but that was the excitement of it all. If Agatha pulled down her fly and told you to suck, you would simply have to suck. That's what omegas were supposed to do. She'd go on and on about how you weren't supposed to stop even if one of her employees walked in. You shrugged it off as dirty talk, but it got you excited beyond reason. Fortunately for you, Agatha had always finished before anyone walked in. It wasn't until the day you decided to go slower than you realized she wasn't. 

Agatha had a bunch of your hair in a tight grip.  It was the only way she could control your eagerness. She'd push the back of your skull until you had taken the entire length of her cock down your throat. "There we go, superstar. Take your alpha's cock like a good omega." A string of deep moans came from her throat. "Oh, you're so good for me." She was always liberal with her praise. How could she not be when you behaved so well for her? The sounds of you gagging and struggling to swallow her precum made her throb inside you. "You remember the rules, don't stop until I cum, even if someone walks in." 

You nodded as best you could with your mouth full cock. It was impossible to ignore the slick that practically seeped through your underwear. Agatha had offered you her heel to hump again but you were simply too embarrassed to accept it. Instead, you focused on her pleasure, hoping she'd reward you for your diligence. Unfortunately, Agatha had other plans for you. Someone knocked on the door. Before you could pull yourself off of Agatha's cock, her hand pushed you back down her length. 

"Even if someone walks in," Your alpha said through gritted teeth. Agatha kept her hand on your head until she was sure you wouldn't disobey her. "Come in."

"Harkness, Nat wants to see- oh, well isn't this a nice surprise." Wanda chuckled fondly and tugged Natasha forward by her leash. "Well, go on. Say hi to your little buddy." There was a sick pleasure to be found in Natasha's embarrassment. It reminded her of old times. When she and Agatha were younger and could buy a beta prostitute to let out their aggression on. It was more fun with two omegas no one else could touch. "Come on, we don't have all day. Agatha is a busy woman and your friend's busy." 

Natasha nodded obediently and stepped forward. Her nostrils were assaulted by the smell of slick and her own alpha's scent. Her eyes weren't even sure where to look. "I…um." She flinched when Wanda gave her leash another tug. "Hi, buddy," She squeaked with her eyes glued to the floor. "When you're finished…can we play? It's fine if not." The omega nervously played with the hem of her shirt. 

You took a deep breath when Agatha finally pulled your head back to let you speak. Precum and spit dribbled down your chin as you struggled to control your breathing. The fog of submitting had almost completely overtaken your head and you could hardly think. For a moment, you and Natasha locked eyes. Your eyes were cloudy and thoughtless while hers were dark and anxious. "We can…we can play after lunch if that's okay with Maximoff," You said. The second you finished, Agatha pushed your head back down on her cock. 

Wanda clapped, signaling for Natasha to come back to her side. "Well, that's all we came here for. Hope you two have a nice lunch." She extended her hand out for Natasha to hold. "See puppy, I told you! Alphas play with their omegas in the office all the time," She whispered into her omega's ear as they left. 

Agatha was kind enough to let you play after lunch, but she worked you to the bone. If you weren't sucking her off, you were busy humping that damned toy she snuck in without you noticing. You spent hours putting on a show for Agatha and anyone who needed to stop by her office. The attention and praise you once loved had now embarrassed you. You were thankful none of them lingered more than a few minutes. None except for the very last person to visit. 

Monica was always nice to you. If she ever needed to check in, she always had some little toy or a piece of candy for you. She was always quick and efficient, which is why Agatha had always taken a liking to her. That day though, Monica was distracted. Though she never stuttered, her eyes kept drifting down to you in awe. "I hope this isn't too inappropriate, but how did you stretch them out? Darcy and I have been trying for a baby, but she's too tight for me to knot." 

Agatha looked up from the stack of papers on her desk. She affectionately scratched the top of your head. "Well, I honestly had no trouble with them. I wouldn't have a problem teaching you how to stretch out an omega though." A sudden decision, but one she was happy to make. "You know, you weren't the only one to ask me something like that today. Maybe I'll make a company event out of it!" Agatha just continued to dig a deeper grave for your pride. "I mean if you think it's a good idea."

Monica nodded excitedly. "Absolutely! You can't understand how much this means to me!" She leaned over the desk and excitedly shook Agatha's hand. She looked down through the glass desk and knocked on it to get your attention.  "And thank you too for the show!" Without another word, she pulled out a jolly rancher for you and left. 

Agatha pulled back her chair and leaned down to your height and kissed your forehead. "I hope you're ready to put on another show, my little superstar," She cooed before handing you your treat. Agatha watched as the stress and apprehension on your face practically melted as you put the shiny green piece of candy in your mouth. "Awe, is that all it takes for you to give away your body? You're so easy, I didn't know my omega was such a slut."

Though your cunt throbbed at the degradation, you refused to give Agatha another win for the day. You huffed out through your nostrils. "That was your idea! I couldn't even say no if I wanted!" Despite your anger, you leaned into her hand as she cupped your cheek.

✫✫✫✫✫✫✫✫

Agatha had given you a break before your little show. That much you were grateful for. What couldn't stand was being dragged around every time she decided there weren't enough toys to showcase. Almost every other day you were dragged to another sex toy and forced to watch as Agatha bought several more toys. She promised some of them were for the house, but that didn't make the process any easier. Especially considering she refused to touch you the entire two weeks leading up to the event.

It almost made you happy to be spread open, blindfolded and tied up for at least a hundred other alphas to see.  

You couldn't tell if it was a blessing or a curse to be blindfolded. There was no way you could commit to it if you could see all the other alphas that were only a few feet away from you, but it made every part of your body so sensitive. You were already soaking wet before the lesson had even started. "Just, don't be mean about this. Please?" You whispered. 

"I will if you behave," She whispered back before giving you one last kiss on the cheek. Agatha turned to look out towards the crowd. A group of alphas, all of the varying experiences and all watching you with bated breath. "Hello, my most prized employees! It has recently been brought to my attention that some of you aren't equipped with the knowledge to properly stretch out your beloved omegas!" She waited for the wave of disappointed whimpers and hums of agreement. "So I thought, what kind of boss would I be if I just let my lovely employees go about like that?"

You tried to distract yourself as Agatha continued to talk to the crowd. It was hard to keep your emotions under control. Even with Agatha gently massaging your thighs. If anything, it just made things worse. All it took was a few minutes for your slick to start leaking out. All you could do was whimper and hope Agatha planned on being gentle. 

"However, as some of you may have seen some weeks ago, my omega has been thoroughly stretched out already. So, we'll have to substitute tonight." Agatha's voice rang out with excitement. She turned to the table behind you and grabbed the roll of purple pleasure tape. Before you had any time to ask questions, Agatha put a wide strip of the tape over your cunt and gave it a firm slap. She chuckled at your surprised yelp and turned away again. "I'll have to be a lot slower but trust the vagina is built to handle a lot more." 

Goosebumps raised over your skin as Agatha walked behind you. You couldn't see her, but you could sense the movements and hear the direction of her voice change. A sharp yelp came from your mouth as Agatha suddenly began groping you. Agatha had already banned you from speaking out loud, so all you could do was whine. She twisted and tugged at your nipples until they pebbled up. 

"Lot of alphas underestimate how important foreplay is. It produces more slick and will make penetration a lot easier," Agatha said as she leaned over to grope your chest.  "Explore your omega’s body, tell them how beautiful they are." She kissed the top of your head and let her hands roam lower on your body. "Oh baby, you look so pretty with your legs spread for me. You're being so good to me." Her kisses trailed down the side of your neck. "I know it's new, but just relax and it'll feel so good." 

You nodded and turned to Agatha for a kiss. The quick peck on the lips you received wasn't what you were hoping for, but it did calm your nerves a bit. One deep breath after the other as Agatha answered questions and prepped the toys behind you. For a while, it worked. You weren't concerned about being penetrated for the first time and let yourself fall into the sea of bliss. It wasn't until you felt some cold, sticky substance spread across your puckered hole that you grew tense again. "Ah!"

Agatha continued to smear lube across your hole until she was satisfied. "Another thing, lube is crucial. Some omegas produce less slick than others and it won't be enough for you to go in comfortably." Your alpha eased one of her fingers inside of you and stopped just as her knuckle hit your rim. "Remember, always go slow. Tearing is a very real possibility and you don't want to risk discomfort." Agatha turned her attention back to you and smiled. "Oh, you're doing wonderful. My little superstar, making me so proud," She whispered before scenting you. "That's it, take a deep breath for me."

You whimpered at the slightest movement. Even though Agatha had stayed perfectly still, you couldn't. Being stretched open hurt, but it felt so good. Your body didn't know what it wanted. "Aggie, help please." A frantic string of whimpers fell from your lips. "I- ah! I can't help it!" 

"I know, baby. I know  Just breathe for me." Agatha used her free hand and pushed down on your abdomen to keep you still. "This is why you must take your time. Move too fast and —" Agatha's explanation was caught off by a loud whine and more frantic whimpering from you. Despite that, she continued to thrust her finger deeper inside. "Omegas can be really sensitive, you have to be careful not to overstimulate them. Even if the results are fun to watch." 

Tears began streaming down your face as Agatha added another finger. She spread them apart in a scissoring motion and continued to drag them in and out. You tried to close your legs, but the pleasure tape wrapped around you kept them spread. "A-alpha please!" No matter how much you begged, Agatha kept thrusting. Your cunt ached and begged to be filled, but received nothing. It clenched around nothing but you still felt an orgasm coming. "Wait, Agatha, I -"

Agatha curled her fingers and gave you one partially hard thrust, but pulled out the second you came. She turned back to you and leaned in. "Just give me a couple more minutes and we can wrap everything up," She whispered whilst massaging your thighs. Her hands worked quickly to clean you up. Careful not to overstimulate you. "Aftercare is always important! It doesn't matter how fast your session may be. Tell them they did a good job and make sure to bathe them, it shows you care." 

Though Agatha continued to answer questions, her attention remained on you. Your brain was too fogged up to hear what they were discussing. The only thing you could focus on was the sound of chairs scooting back and the door constantly being opened. Your muscles didn't truly relax until Agatha took off your blindfold to reveal everyone had left the room. "That was…new," You said through heavy pants. 

The smell of lavender and smoky vanilla filled the air. Agatha began removing the tape. "Oh, my little superstar was such a good little assistant for me." Her lips left soft kisses all over the patches of skin that had been indented by the tape. A comfortable silence fell over the two of you. "Was…was the anal okay? We don't have to try again if you weren't into it." 

You could only laugh at your lover's sudden shyness. "Aggie, I came so hard the tape nearly fell off. Of course, I liked it." You kissed the top of her head and pulled Agatha into a hug. "We can do it again tomorrow night if you carry me to the car."

Without another word, Agatha dressed you and carried you out of the building. 

[zprites]

February TMNT All 4-1

Another month, another All 4-1 😁🐢

The Gracious Hosts: @turtle-babe83, @thelaundrybitch, @leosgirl82, @tmnt-tychou, @nittleboo, and @post-apocalyptic-daydream

I ended up doing two of the prompts, the dialogue prompt I did reword a bit but the general idea is still there. This was a lot of fun to write so please enjoy the ride full of angst and fluff!

Bayverse! Donnie x F! Reader - SFW

As always, all turtles and reader are over 20 years!

I listened to Avocado Toast by Clinton Kane on repeat while writing this... Sorry, not sorry

Avocado Toast

There are days when it feels like the world comes crashin' And I've been numbin' the pain just to keep distracted Of all the things I would fade You're the one that's lasted Avo Toast - Clinton Kane

This was a huge mistake…

It wasn’t the idea of being set up on a blind date that was the problem. In fact, you grew more excited for the evening as the past week progressed thanks to your good friend and loving coworker, April. Over the last month she gushed about how compatible you and one of Casey’s friends would be, hinting that she wanted to set the two of you up. Finally you agreed on the blind date. All you knew about him was that he was ‘handsome with long hair and abs’, (April’s words), and that he shared similar hobbies and interests with you. Despite her optimism, you were still reluctant to go but you convinced yourself to give dating another try. 

To say that dating for you was hard was putting it mildly. The longest relationship you had ever been in lasted almost two years, taking a piece of you that you still struggled to get back. Since then you tried dating but nothing ever worked out. Either they were only looking for sex or were a walking red flag. Whatever the case was, nothing ever went past the first date. You often found yourself staring up at the ceiling late at night wondering if there was something wrong with you, the phrase ‘you are what you attract’ made a home in your mind and bared its fangs at any positive notion you had surrounding dating. 

The only time you felt whole again was when you spent time with your best friend. The two of you became almost inseparable soon after meeting due to April’s insistence that you meet the brothers. That night in the lair you found your way into his lab to find him elbow deep in an engine. You asked what he was working on, following along as he spoke. The conversation soon strayed to computers, which was something you were knowledgeable in. The two of you just clicked, understanding each other’s jokes and references the other made. Honestly, you enjoyed every moment with him. You texted him throughout your day, while your evenings were often spent together either at your place or at the lair. You spent countless hours with him in his lab, working side by side and conversing well into the morning. This caused you to be almost late to work more times than not, but you didn’t mind. 

You didn’t mind it when he accidentally woke you up with a phone call about a recent breakthrough. You didn’t mind taking care of him when he came down with a nasty flu he caught from one of his brothers. You didn’t mind catching said flu, bedridden while he crashed on your couch to make sure he was there to help. You didn’t mind his thigh resting against yours under the shared blanket during movie nights. 

You didn’t mind because you were in love with him. 

Since you met him seven years ago, your small crush evolved into something much more profound. A deep emotion that caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach and a smile to form on your face at the thought of him. He was there for you through thick and thin, taking you out on a nighttime picnic at a park when you got your promotion and being a shoulder to cry on when you broke up with your toxic ex. He even took you to the American Museum of Natural History one night, simply saying the police owed him a favor before the two of you went through each exhibit hand in hand. Even though you realized your feelings for him fairly quickly you didn't want to ruin the friendship the two of you shared. You were certain he only thought of you as a friend so you stayed silent, bottling up those feelings and convincing yourself it was enough. It truly was. As long as you got to be in his life, you were content.

However as your feelings grew for him, you found yourself going on less dates. Maybe subconsciously you knew that no one could hold a candle to him. Yet here you were, thanks to April’s insistence, on your first date in almost a year. 

No, the problem wasn’t that you agreed to a blind date. The problem was that the person sitting across the candlelit table from you was an absolute jackass. 

Before the two of you sat down you could feel the inflated ego that radiated off him, immediately rubbing you the wrong way with a single comment on your appearance. He talked about himself incessantly, not asking anything about you or allowing you to get a word in, leaving the conversation completely one-sided. The waiter delivered your drinks, interrupting your date and giving you enough time to excuse yourself to the restroom. Your irritation turned into genuine anger as you heard your date talk down to the waiter before he ordered for the two of you, insisting that all you needed was a side salad while you were still within earshot. 

Once inside the bathroom you let out a loud sigh. 

What the fuck were you thinking? Of course he’s just like the others… Man, this place has the best steak in the city too… 

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, contemplating your next move. Despite the fact you spent the better part of your afternoon getting ready and were pretty hungry, you didn’t think you could sit through dinner without decking your date in the face. You could text April and ask her to bail you out but you knew she was at a concert with Casey, and to be honest you didn't want her to know how much of a disaster this was. At least not yet. 

That left you with one option. You knew you could count on him to get you out quickly and that he wouldn't ask too many questions. 

You sent him a quick message from your watch.

You: Hey, can you call me in a few minutes?

You thankfully didn't have to wait long for a response.

D: Hey, sure can! Everything okay?

You: Yeah. I’ll explain when I’m on the cab ride home.

D: No need. I see you’re at Maggioli’s. I’ll be in the alley next to the restaurant in five minutes. Talk to you in a moment :)

You took a few deep breaths to collect yourself before leaving the restroom. As you sat back down the man in front of you began talking about his stance on women in the gaming world. You felt your eye twitch in agitation as the words ‘women can game, sure, as long as their shirt is low cut, but they’re better off sticking to the kitchen’. Thankfully he was interrupted by the sound of your phone ringing. You gave him an apologetic smile as you made a show to check who was calling you.

“Sorry, I got to take this.”

“Really? You know it’s rude to answer your phone while on a date.”

You apologized once more and answered the call, seeing your date roll his eyes out of your periphery.

“Hey mom. What’s up?”

“Mom? Are you sure you’re okay? It’s Don- Oh… This is one of those fake calls where I play along. Um, well... let’s see. Your uh… your cat! Yes! Something happened to Tamago and uh…” It took everything in your power to not smile as he made up a fake emergency regarding your beloved pet. 

You frowned instead. “Woah, slow down. Did something happen?”

“She um… I don’t know. Oh gosh, I’m not good at this…”

You had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from giggling. You stole a glance at your date who looked annoyed. Focus! 

“Oh my god!” You blurted with a worried expression. “No no, stay put. I’ll be right there.”

“Phew, thank you. I’ll see you soon dear.”

Your heart skipped the beat at the gentle tone he used in combination with the nickname he gave you only a month ago. 

It doesn’t mean anything. He couldn’t possibly like you back…

You disconnected the call and stood up from your seat.

“I’m so sorry. My father just had a heart attack and in the hospi-”

“I’ll give you a ride.”

Oh for fuck’s sake…

“I drove here.” You lied. 

“What about the food? You need to pay for your portion!”

You rolled your eyes. “All I ordered was water. Should have thought about that before you ordered for me. It was nice meeting you but I have to go. Sorry again.”

You quickly left the restaurant, breathing out a sigh of relief as soon as the chill of the air hit your face. 

An Oscar-worthy performance. Hopefully you’ll never see him again…

You walked to the side of the building and into the alley, scanning the rooftops as you went. Once your gaze caught sight of a familiar figure you couldn’t help but wave up at your friend. He waved back before jumping off the roof, landing softly in front of you despite his size and the thirty foot drop. 

“Man, you have no idea how glad I am to see you.” You breathed out, a wide smile on your face. 

“I think I have some idea.” Donnie chuckled, rolling his shoulders as he stood to his full height. The purple-masked terrapin towered over you but you were used to the difference in height. 

He smiled down at me. “But I think I’d get a better picture if you explained what that was all about.”

You thought back to the events leading up to now and let out a groan. “Fine. How about you take me home first and I’ll order us food while I spill all the gory details. I’m starving.” 

“Well then, let’s not dawdle. Your chariot awaits my dear.” He said in a teasing tone while holding his arms out.

You swallowed down the rush of certain emotions that threatened to break free at those words. “My turtle in shining armor. Or tech gear rather.” You joked as you allowed him to pick you up bridal style. He laughed at that, holding you close as he began to move. 

“Hold on tight.”

Donnie ran across the rooftops with practiced motions, each leap jostling you slightly. Your arms were around his neck as he held you with only one arm, keeping you pressed against his plastron. Soon the two of you were on your balcony. He set you down and followed after you into your apartment. 

Food was ordered and you changed out of your clothes, opting to wear something much more comfortable. Once in your pajamas you gave your cat who was lounging across the foot of your bed a quick pet. You left your bedroom and joined Donnie on the couch. He had taken his goggles and backpack off and set them near the door to your balcony which meant he was planning on staying. Not that you minded. 

“Slow night?” You asked him while positioning your legs to the side so that your sock-clad feet rested against his thigh. 

“Yep, which is surprising for a Friday night. They’ll call me if I’m needed.” 

You nodded at that, knowing his brothers were perfectly capable of handling any situation thrown their way. “Well, thank you for the save back there.”

“For you, anything.”

Don’t say things like that…

“I am curious about what transpired that constituted me swooping in and saving you though. It looked like you were on a date based on the Michelin star restaurant and the way you were dressed.”

You let out a sigh as you thought back to the date. “Long story short, April set me up on a blind date with Casey’s friend because she thought we’d hit it off, but he happened to be a massive asshat.”

“Really?”

“The first thing out of his mouth was ‘Wow, I’m amazed you have the confidence to wear that with all the extra weight you’re carrying around’. He proceeded to tell me how better I’d look if I went to the gym and offered to bring me with him. He was egotistical, misogynistic, and rude, not just to me but to the server as well. He even ordered for me, telling the waiter that all I needed was a side salad since I didn’t need the extra calories.”

Donnie stayed silent as you ranted.

“The nerve of that guy! If I want to enjoy a steak, I have every damn right to! I shouldn’t be surprised really. No matter how many times I try, I end up disappointed because all I seem to attract are shitty men. Maybe there’s something wrong with me…”

“Hey, now. You know that’s not true.” He straightened up, giving you an intense look. “You're kind, beautiful, and you have an amazing mind." 

You flushed a bit at his words. 

"I know that anyone would be lucky to have you…" He trailed off before turning away with a frown. 

The silence that followed was palpable. You got the sense that he stopped himself from saying more which caused your nerves to go haywire. Biting your lip you contemplated speaking up to say that you didn't want just anyone. You wanted him, but the fear that he wouldn't reciprocate your feelings held you back.

Donnie shook his head. “You know… Leo and I talked a few nights ago.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” He let out a huff before continuing. “He made some interesting points about our friendship. About us…”

You frowned in confusion. A pit formed in your stomach as your anxiety levels rose. “Us?” 

“Look…” He spoke your name as his eyes met yours. “You and I have been through so much together. You’re the closest friend I have and I cherish every moment we spend together.”

See, ‘friend’... Nothing more.

“You always brighten up my days with your jokes and your smile. You see me for me, for who I really am.”

Please, stop…

“I just need to know… How much longer are you going to keep pretending?”

Huh…?

“What are you talking about?” You spoke quietly, finding yourself puzzled by his question.

Donnie licked his lips and took a deep breath. “You can’t possibly have no idea how I feel about you dear.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“I- I know I’m not good with words, but since the first night we met you somehow found a home in my heart, so much so that I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the last thing on my mind before falling asleep and the first when I wake up. I just can’t seem to get you out of my head. I didn’t quite know what these feelings were until that night at the park a few years ago, when you got your promotion and we sat on the swings. You told me everything about your life as we freezed our butts off, but that night all I could think was ‘I love this person and I want them in my life forever’.”

What…? This has to be a dream…

“I just didn’t know how to tell you…” He paused as he began tapping his fingers against his knee, something he often did when he was nervous. “I was so worried you didn’t have similar feelings but Leo, he knocked some sense into me.”

Holy shit, he loves you…

“You deserve the world times two and I want to be the one to give it to you, if you’ll let me…”

HE LOVES YOU!

“Please say something…”

Your mouth opened and closed, unable to find the right words to say or any words for that matter. It was as if you lost the ability to form any coherent thought. So instead, you acted on those years of repressed feelings. 

You pushed yourself onto your knees and took his head in your hands before promptly placing your lips on his. He tensed at your touch at first but quickly found himself melting into the kiss, one hand coming to rest at your hip while the other cupped your face. You poured every unspoken thought into the kiss. Donnie responded in kind, the fingers at your waist twitching as you let out a soft moan. The press of his lips against yours was almost too much. Your heart felt ready to burst, warmth spreading throughout your entire body. 

The two of you parted, foreheads touching as your breaths intertwined. You kept your eyes closed as you felt his thumb brush over your cheek, catching the single tear that you didn’t realize escaped. You swallowed and hesitantly met his gaze, soft hazel eyes full of tenderness.

“I love you too…” You whispered. 

He beamed, his smile contagious as you felt the corners of your lips twitch upward as well. He leaned forward to kiss you again.

Knock-knock knock.

The two of you jumped at the sudden rapping at your front door. You chuckled nervously as you regretfully pulled away from him and stood up from the couch. You answered the door, thanking the delivery person before setting the food on the coffee table and returning to your spot beside him.

Your stomach growled before you could say anything, the scent of the warm food filling your apartment. He chuckled and planted a quick kiss on your temple. “C’mon dear. Let’s eat then we can watch a movie.”

“Will you stay the night?”

“Of course.”

“And you’ll stay for breakfast?”

“Sure. I’ll make your favorite.”

“Avocado toast?”

“Yes, with bacon. Just how you like it.”

“...I love you…”

“I love you too dear…”

[ddarker-dreams]

Lock! What other games would you recommend to a fellow bg3 and disco elysium enjoyer?

Hello... you have come to the right place... i am a CRPG Fan™ so i'm more than happy to point you in the direction of some games that hit similar beats to bg3 and disco elysium (which happen to be my favorite games of all time).

planescape: torment —

a true classic. the writing in this game is brilliant. the game's setting comes from dungeon and dragon's planescape campaign, so some of the terminology you've seen in bg3 will pop up here (specifically the githzerai, who, unlike githyanki, don't follow vlaakith). if i had to pick the game's core element... i'd say it's interacting with various philosophies/belief systems. even the most random NPCs have interesting things to say. the factions in the game's main area, the city of sigil, are based on real world philosophies (nihilism, hedonism, and anarchism, to name a few). the faction known as the society of sensation is actually what inspired elements of nexus!

the story has you hooked from the opening cutscene until the final potential endings. a protagonist with amnesia might not be anything new, but i don't think i've ever seen the trope explored in the way planescape does. the side quests and characters are all memorable too. you can just tell that so much thought and care went into the writing, it has such a distinct personality.

that being said ... fair warning. the combat in this game is notoriously scuffed. i highly recommend playing on the lowest difficulty to help circumvent some frustrating encounters. it isn't awful, but it can feel tedious at times. there's no real incentive to level up/minmax characters. everything else about the game goes hard though.

divinity original sin 2 —

WOOOO BABY larian studios know how to make god tier RPGs. i replayed do2 recently and man. i love this game. beautiful graphics, an interesting story, lovable characters, and the combat. omg. it's almost overwhelming at times how many approaches you can take to each fight.

except for the blackpits fight. all my homies hate the blackpits fight.

anyway ... you should feel right at home when booting this game up if you've played bg3. the combat is turn-based, although do2 uses slightly different mechanics (action points and spells/abilities replenishing based on turns rather than rests, for instance). it's fun, engaging, and has lots of charm.

pillars of eternity —

pillars of eternity holds a special place in my heart... it's the very first CRPG i ever played. some of the people who worked on it wrote fallout: new vegas and the aforementioned planescape: torment. as such, you can expect quality writing and worldbuilding. POE has a more somber tone than the others on this list, which i personally liked. i spent hours getting into the cosmology and pantheon from this game's world, reading everything little thing.

the worldbuilding impressed little lock so much that it went on to influence how i write/create settings. HWR was in its infancy stages around the time i first played the game, which inspired the home continent i made for the story.

also. you can build a jail on your base and throw people in it. i really enjoyed doing that.

[embyrinitalics]

Hi 😍

Hap hap new year!

How is the novel going? Are you enjoying the process?

This is so sweet! Thank you for asking!

Since this is the first original novel I'm actually approaching seriously and my process is totally different from normal, I'm going to use this ask as an excuse to journal about it. So, fair warning, you're probably about to get way more info than you bargained for. 😁 ONWARD!

I think first and foremost the process has been weird because I don't KNOW these characters. I've been writing Link and Zelda for 20+ years and even when I throw them into alternate universes or give them personality transplants I still can just dive right in. Starting this from scratch has been a lot of world building and a lot of taking my characters out on "dates" which aren't so much dates as they are writing excursions into the emotionally tormented unknown to see how they react. 😂

I jot down all the ideas that randomly strike me in this handy dandy notebook that I carry around everywhere just in case:

And that's a bit of a funny story. I love having notebooks to write stuff down in, but I recently discovered thanks to the course I took that I place very low value on my writing (and by extension myself in general I guess oops) so I never bought myself a nice notebook just for story notes because that would've been a waste of 5 dollars.

But between Emma Dhesi's course pushing me to assign appropriate value to myself and Ellen Brock's Intuitive Pantser video assuring me that my urges to compile all my notes into a notebook was good for my brain and not just a waste of time and paper, I eventually went out and spent that 5 bucks (actually $20—three notebooks for future endeavors!). And I LOVE MY NOTEBOOK! 🥰

Another thing I wouldn't have spent the money on in the past but took the plunge on is the Atticus program.

It's a project organizer, word processor, and book formatting software. I'm really enjoying it! It has a toggle window on the side where you can see how your book will look on various devices or in print, and easy buttons for things like writing sprints, word count goals, deadlines, and the like. It also makes me feel fancier than google docs ever did, so there's that. 😎

Emma Dhesi is also a big proponent of Goal Anchors—small things you accomplish and surround yourself with that cyclically trains your brain to believe that your dream is possible, and you are in the process of achieving it. (It also gives you goals you can do that move you closer to finishing your book that isn't actual writing, in case that feels intimidating.)

So I made an image of the title page the background on my phone, to remind myself that it's real and it's happening. I decluttered my writing room and started finding items to make it a comfortable creative space for myself. I went to the store for the express purpose of purchasing a special tea to drink while I write. I spent time making a playlist of songs with just the right vibes.

I also found the best candle scent ever, only wear these super comfy slippers in there, and just got myself this slammin t-shirt from Gideon's Bakehouse to wear. (Her name is Poppy. She's on a new path of self-discovery and adventure, just like me.)

But most of all, Emma insists that confidence comes from doing, and that the best way to write a book is to make a routine of it. She suggested starting with 20 minutes three times a week. I was up to between 1-2 hours a day starting at 7am, 5-6 days a week before I went on vacation and upended everything. 😂

So I guess that means I'm enjoying it! It's still scary and frustrating and directionless sometimes but more than anything it's just happening, which is the coolest thing ever.

[arvensimp]

Hi! I've been reading your fics about Arven and you just make me fall in love with him harder than I am in. You write so beautifuly I really envy you! Very good job, this is my first request, and I hope I don't bother you with it. I love music, and I like to sing a lot, I imagine my MC who also loves singing and music with a beautiful voice, I would like to request a fic with a reader (can be gender neutral) singing to comfort Arven because he is sad, with Masbostiff joining them. (Both have a established relationship and around 20-22 years old)

Thank you!

Hello! You've come to the right place for this one lolol my masters degree is in voice performance and i've literally sung opera in different continents for the last several years.

-

That Funny Feeling

Arven x singer!reader, fluff and comfort, no genedered pronouns are used for the reader

--

Growing up in an empty house as he did, Arven never really listened to music. Sure, he's heard some of the top 40s hits that play over the radio in shops and stores over the years, and he's heard songs that students used to play in the halls when he went to the academy. Thing is, he wasn't exposed to music as a kid, so he didn't really ever seek it out as he gained autonomy.

When he started traveling with you after graduation, it was the first time you both had started spending significant amounts of time together. Sure you'd been casually dating, but you were both busy with your respective pursuits. Your time together was usually spent eating, holding hands, maybe watching a movie, cuddling, and doing other typical, couple-y things. You didn't have time to just exist with one another, which is part of what made now so special.

Because of that, Arven is a little gobsmacked to hear you one evening as you sit with your recently caught tinkatink, singing softly as you brush through her hair.

It's nothing special or over the top, you're just singing something gentle and calming, trying to lull your new pokemon into a comfortable state as you build your relationship with her, but Arven is utterly enamored. Truth be told, he feels almost voyeuristic listening in on the two of you, but he can't bring himself to move away.

When you're done with tinkatink, you move onto your scream tail who receives a similar treatment of a brushing with its bath, but this time the tune is more jovial, and Arven swears he thinks the scream tail is trying to sing along with you, though its voice isn't nearly as relaxing or sweet as a modern day jigglypuff's (or yours, he thinks).

Arven doesn't say anything that night because, truth be told, he isn't quite sure what he can, could, or should say. Do people usually sing like that? Is that a normal thing? Is complimenting you on your singing a normal thing to do, even?

As it turns out, you sing to your pokemon fairly frequently. Skeledirge often joins in with you in low, brassy tones, adding a bizarrely haunting quality to whatever it is you sing. Sometimes, 'Raidon curls up behind you, making you a nice little throne from which you sit as you sing to your pokemon during their mini grooming sessions between baths.

Arven never really joins in, but he silently loves the concerts. He starts to learn some of the tunes and words; he finds himself humming along to you sometimes. When he's alone, he even whistles one once. He didn't even realize he could do that! Sure, it was probably discordant and the wrong key (whatever that means...) but he whistled!

The two of you are walking through Socarrat Trail one day when the urge to sing strikes you, so you just...let'er rip. It's a folksy tune, perfect for crispy cool days on mountain trails, and your voice echos among the stones in an entertaining way.

You're not screaming or anything, but you're singing loudly enough for the wild pokemon to take notice. They turn, and the sudowoodo have the sense to high tail it immediately, as they would anyway. A few toedscool also seem to sense danger in the noise and decide to run away on floppy looking legs. For the most part, the other pokemon seem not to care much. Once they see that the source of the noise isn't trying to make a run at them, they go back to ignoring you.

Arven though? Arven has stopped in his tracks, eyeing you like you've just set off a bomb in the woods.

"What are you doing?!" He hisses.

"Singing?" You reply with a laugh. "I don't see a problem with it. It's not like we're bothering anyone. No other people are around, and the pokemon would've been disturbed by us, regardless."

"Y-Yeah, but... It feels wrong..."

You flush a bit, feeling embarrassed suddenly. "Oh... Sorry. I'll, uh. Stop, then." You imagine Arven wouldn't shush you like that unless the singing was bad, right? Oof, that's a faux-pas.

You spend the rest of the walk in silence.

Arven for his part, feels bad for being the one to silence you, but he isn't quite sure why. Like, you shouldn't sing in public, right? That's weird, right? Sure the song was great, and your voice is lovely, but... But that wasn't...wasn't normal, right?

Fuck, and now you're being quiet, and he isn't quite sure what to make of that, so he stays quiet, too.

That evening, Arven is eventually the one to suggest you both stop to have dinner and set up camp for the night. You only nod to his suggestion and get started on setting everything up for yourself and your pokemon. He gets started on dinner as you work on the tent and getting everyone cleaned and healed up from the day's battles.

Your pokemon, of course, notice the change in you, sensing that you're much more down than usual. Both tinkatuff (no longer tinkatink!) and scream tail both try to cajole you into a song, and skeledirge also chirrs lowly, but you quietly hush them, watching Arven's back carefully. You'd rather not embarrass yourself further by singing in front of him anymore. It hurts to think that he doesn't like your singing voice, but...well you think you like him more than you like singing.

As it turns out, Arven's pokemon also pick up on the difference, too, and Mabosstiff is quickly by your side, snuffling against your hands and side in an effort to get you to interact with him.

"Hey, bud..." You whisper to him softly, petting his sides. Mabosstiff boofs loudly twice, and you try to hush him some. "Hey... Let's be quiet for now, yeah?" Instead, Mabosstiff doubles down, baying like a smeargle. You wince and look to Arven, but he doesn't seem to mind the noise the pokemon are making. You smile and ruffle Mabosstiff's fur as he keeps singing, then you return to setting the tent up.

Like clockwork, Arven has dinner on the table as you're finishing up with the other preparations. You wait for him to finish filling the pokemons' bowls and for him to sit down at the table with you before you start eating.

It's delicious, as always, and you want to tell him as much, but you just don't have it in you to break the silence after so long.

So, Arven does.

"I... Uh, I think I messed up."

You give him a confused look, and with a mouth half full (covered by a hand, of course!) you say. "The food tastes fine?"

Arven groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, no. I mean, thanks, but no. I..." He sighs. "Did...Did I mess up? Or, like? Hurt your feelings or something today? I didn't mean to."

"Oh!" You look back down to your food. "Uh... I mean... I guess? You didn't mean to, but yes? It's okay though. I'm sorry you didn't like my singing. I feel bad, you know? Like it must have been really grating these last few weeks--"

"What?" He interrupts. "N-No! That's not it at all! I love your voice! It's beautiful! Like you! I-I mean. Uh..." He goes red. "I really like your voice. A lot. I...I just...well, I wasn't expecting for you to break out into song in the woods today. It caught me off guard, and...I dunno. It seemed weird?"

You bristle. "Weird?"

Arven winces. "I-I dunno! I just...wasn't expecting it, and...I dunno. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and... I dunno, it was...sad...today...without the sound of your voice..."

You feel your face heat up at his confession. "So you don't mind when I sing to the pokemon?"

"No! I really like it. I...I didn't get to listen to a lot of music as a kid, so this probably doesn't mean anything, but... You're my favorite singer ever."

So singing becomes a welcome nightly ritual, not just one that Arven feels he can observe from afar. He's never quite comfortable enough to join in with you, save for maybe humming along softly with something he knows particularly well, but you don't force the subject with him. Singing is an incredibly personal thing, after all.

Arven and you have to spend a week or so apart not long afterward. You've been called away on League duties, and he decides to busy himself with some post-graduate study at the academy with Saguaro. When you meet back up at the lighthouse on Poco Path, you can immediately tell something's wrong.

After graduating, Arven turned the old lab into a makeshift apartment for himself between journeys, and he usually keeps the place as spotless as his old dorm. Currently though, the shutters are all closed with no natural light getting in, and the usual smells of deliciously cooking food are nowhere to be found. You find Arven curled up on the sofa, Mabosstiff whimpering at his side.

"Hey...What's going on?"

"Hey...Just uh..." It's clear from the sound of his voice that he'd either been crying or is actively holding back tears. "Found some stuff...from the professor..." By the way he says it, you know he means his parent. He gestures to a notebook, left open face down on the coffee table.

You sit down next to your boyfriend, pick up the book, and scan the page. It seems Arven found a passage written about him...about how one of his parents had walked out on the other not long after he was born... He was referred to as "the boy" the whole passage... Just reading it makes your blood boil. You click your tongue disapprovingly, and Arven hiccups a silent sob.

You put an arm around him, coaxing his head into your lap. "Shh..."

"I...I must've done s-something wrong...right?"

You run your fingers through his hair, pushing away that one tuftthat's forever blocking off half of his face. "Absolutely not," You soothe in soft tones. "You were only a baby... You couldn't have done a thing... They were both just...bitter people..."

"No... No, don't say that..." He says, turning a bit into your top.

"I'm sorry... But none of this was your fault, okay?"

He nods against you, digging his fingers into your side.

You keep petting his head, doing your best in the moment to soothe his aching heart. Mabosstiff similarly stretches out, putting more of his weight onto Arven, assuring him of his presence.

There as you sit in the quiet, with Arven trying to steady his breathing and swallow down the lump in his throat, you start to sing. It's hushed, like a lullaby, but with a melancholic longing. There's catharsis in singing music like this through a broken heart. Arven lets his tears fall silently as you sing to him. Between the sound of you, your touch in his hair, and Mabosstiff's weight on him, he stays tethered to the earth, present and safe and loved.

[andorerso]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

thanks for the tag @mosylufanfic <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I started reading fanfiction when I was very young, maybe 10-11? and it pretty much immediately made me want to write my own stories. early attempts were... unsuccessful, but I always had a lot of ideas and I just wanted to get them out there... so I did

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

in reverse chronological order: Rogue One/Andor, GoT/ASOIAF, She-Ra, Grisha-verse/Nikolai Series, The Raven Cycle, American Horror Story, Reign, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Twilight

and some I have never published but did write for: The Witcher, Dishonored, Magnificent Century: Kösem

so that's 14 fandoms total

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

well, my first attempt was at 14 but I pretty much immediately abandoned that story after posting. I tried again at 16 and have been writing pretty consistently ever since. so it's been more than ten years, almost fifteen

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

lately I'm writing more than I'm reading, however in general over the years, it's definitely read. I've consumed so many!

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I think my action has gotten better recently? it's still far from my strength but being forced to write some action scenes in recent stories definitely improved that area... who would have thought?

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I've researched many weird stuff over the years but idk, I'm blanking on specifics

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when people yell and curse at me <33

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

idk if I've ever written something truly fringe... actually maybe the dildo fic?

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

smut! which is funny because I've spent the last month writing nothing but that. but smut is hardddddd

10. What is the easiest type?

I'm seconding modern AUs, that's my comfort genre, and I'm also very well-versed in anything paranormal

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I switched from Word to Scrivener a few years ago, and I haven't looked back. Word would probably still work, but Scrivener is just very convenient, I can have all the things in one place, and it makes things so easy

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

well, sex pollen belonged to this category, but I've just gotten over that! other than that, I've been going back and forth about this apocalypse/zombie exes to lovers longfic for months now, because it's intimidating as hell for many reasons, and it would be a lot of work which I may not have the time for currently, but there's so many parts of it that I love and want to write. mainly this very specific scene that will not leave my brain, but absolutely would not work without the proper background and build-up.... sigh

13. What made you choose your username?

here or on ao3? on ao3, it's wintersend (winter's end) and like. I can't even remember why I picked it. it's so random, I've never used it before and never since. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I'm a winter child, and I was also into GoT at the time... I genuinely don't know

and here.... hmmm idk if I should tell you guys.... it's very niche, you wouldn't get it

tagging @frostbitepandaaaaa @quarantineddreamer @fulcrumstardust @flythesail @luciechat