#IM A COMPLEX HUMAN PERSON I CAN DESIRE BOTH

[alilaro]

i just would like to run astarion a hot scented bath and feed that boy some soup, is that so much to ask for?

[hellofears]

having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.

i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.

its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid

[supernaturalscribe67]

Unwarranted

Words: 4,983

POV: 3rd Person

Pairing: Team Free Will x Male!ExAngel!Reader [Platonic]

Warning(s): Mention of past sexual harassment, sexual harassment, angst, hurt/comfort

Summary: Humans are interesting and complex creatures, and ever since the reader lost his grace, he had to learn to become one. Luckily, he had his friends by his side to help him through his trials and tribulations. What happens when he's face-to-face with a human experience he never anticipated, and how will Team Free Will help him resolve his issue?

Request:

Hi! I hope you're having a good day/night. This request is very specific. I would write it myself, but im awful at it. I hope you don't mind, lol.

May you do (ex?)Angel!Male!reader x TFW (platonic obv). You can make it where Reader joined after the angels fell and was castiels past battle partner and was good friends with him, or something else if you'd like.

Reader lost his grace after a rogue angel took it from him. He has no idea how to be human and struggles a lot, even with the help of Dean, Sam, and Castiel. Anyways, to get to the point- Reader picked a pretty attractive vessel, so both men and women hit on him a lot when the group goes to diners or bars and most of the time Reader wanders off to explore since hes never really gone to earth before so the boys never notice, and he doesn't know how to react or what to do when they start to get touchy, only that he doesn't feel comfortable with it at all, but he thinks if he tells them to stop its a form of being rude, so he never says so. the person usually stops when they realize Reader isn't having the type of reaction they were looking for.

When Reader mentioned this to the boys randomly, they realized that Reader didn't know that it was bad that they were touching him and explained what it was, what to say, and do when that happens and comforts him when he finally cries as a human.

Anonymous

A/N: I am so sorry for going off the grid for a while! Honestly, keeping track of dates and time frames has not been my strong point, especially with everything going on with work. Luckily I'm almost done with another request as well and will have that up by this weekend! I hope this gives the request justice. As always, feedback is very much appreciated!

~ Much Love!

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Humans are interesting and complex creatures, each with their own thoughts, wants, needs, and interests. When (Y/N) first joined Castiel on Earth two years prior, he was amazed by the array of personalities and emotions. No two people are alike, but, due to the vast differences, many of them can be categorized under three distinct titles; good, neutral, and evil.

The good people are the ones who are selfless. They take the first step when it comes to helping others. They aren’t perfect but they are as close as anyone can be. Only a small amount of people fit into the category of ‘good’, most of which find themselves canonized into sainthood years after death. Many strive to be classified under such a prestige title, but few make the cut. However, just because someone isn’t worthy of the title, doesn’t make them a bad person automatically. 

Neutral individuals are what most would describe as your ‘average Joe’. It is the category in which most people lie. They are neither good nor bad. The choices they make in life come with a mix of positive and negative intentions. An example of a neutral person could be someone’s English teacher, who partakes in volunteer work after hours, or your boss, who had just been caught cheating on his wife with Jim from the mailroom. Just because people do bad things, doesn’t make them inherently evil. 

True evil is much darker. An individual who would put a demon to shame with their actions, thoughts, and desires. One with little regard for the well-being of others. Ones that hurt others purely for self-gratification. To gain an advantage. Those are the ones that end up in prison or a seat in Congress. They’re usually manipulative, have a silver tongue placed in their mouth at birth, and can easily coerce those who are weak and gullible. 

(Y/N) had met his fair share of individuals from all three categories throughout his time on Earth, supernatural entities excluded. At first, with his angelic powers, he was able to make an assumption of others based solely on their thoughts. Ever since the fall, however, his judgments on people had become rather askew. He was able to get the full experience of being human - not able to truly tell what one was thinking during various interactions - and he would be lying if he said he enjoyed it. Rather, the lack of understanding when it came to others caused him to develop a sense of paranoia. The last thing he wanted was for others to assume the worst of him. Even as an angel, he would treat the worst of the worst with as much kindness as he could muster.

Little did he know that the paranoia would lead to his downfall and a deep realization of how evil some people could be.

The first couple of weeks after his grace was stolen, (Y/N) was lost. He knew next to nothing about maintaining the necessary needs to keep his body alive. It was all tedious in his eyes. Why did humans need to eat, drink, and go to the bathroom so much throughout the day? Who possibly had the time to do so? Do they have to thread their needs into their schedules for work and school? On top of that, why did humans need to pay for food and water? Were they not necessities? Why would someone need to pay to survive? (Y/N) held a plethora of questions in his mind that still go unanswered. 

Thankfully, Castiel, Sam, and Dean were all there for him, guiding him through the processes necessary to provide for his new form. It took a while for him to get the hang of it - the most overwhelming thing was when he was introduced to a large variety of foods. All the new flavors and textures send his tongue into sensory overdrive. Dean was more than happy to realize, though, that the two of them were rather fond of the same flavor of pie. 

With the loss of his grace came the depletion of his strength. He was no longer invincible to man-made weaponry. Because of this, and since Sam and Dean’s jobs were so physically demanding, they spent weeks in training. Blades, firearms, and hand-to-hand all had their challenges, but (Y/N) was a quick learner, something the brothers respected him highly for. Within a month and a half, he was on the road with them, hopping from case to case. 

Saving people, hunting things, the family business. 

And true it was. The time he had spent with Castiel and the Winchesters was extensive, and there was never a dull moment. Away from the darkness and the monsters that crept in the night, Sam and Dean were playful jokesters. Childish, yet mature when they needed to be. It was noticeable that Castiel had also developed certain aspects of their personalities, as he was more lighthearted than when (Y/N) first met him. As time passed, (Y/N), too, started to display those characteristics. He felt like a member of the team. A real Winchester. For the first time since the fall, he felt at home. 

*~*

(Y/N) had been to a handful of bars since he turned human, before becoming an honorary member of the Winchester family, and there was one fact he could confidently state; he didn’t like them. 

Sure, he met some rather nice people while at said bars, mainly the middle-aged female bartenders who gave off a motherly aura, but with every kind individual he saw, he encountered twice as many assholes. Those were the ones that drunkenly called him slurs even though they knew nothing about him, the ones that shoved him out of the way when they wanted to get to the bar, or the ones that continuously pushed their limits on his personal boundaries.

Unfortunately, he had experienced the latter more than he would have liked.

He couldn’t quite describe how he felt when he had those interactions. When a bar patron would press themselves against his back or chest, touch his ass or thighs, or even leave kisses on his neck, shoulders, cheeks, and lips. It was decided, though, that he was extremely uncomfortable. Why would he possibly feel that way? He assumed that touches and kisses were how humans expressed affection towards one another. So, why didn’t he like it? He chalked it up to not being used to that form of affection or affection in general. Surely, he was bound to get comfortable with it eventually. 

After-hunt celebrations were common with the Winchesters. Either the day of or the night after, they would all gather at the nearest watering hole, grab a drink or two, and then head back to the motel. Sometimes, Sam or Dean would abandon the group to retreat with a romantic partner, but (Y/N) would always stick with Castiel and the remaining brother. He never had any interest in human relations. It was a new, complex situation outside of learning to be human. He was just getting used to that concept, and he had no desire to learn about other aspects of humanity yet. 

Classy Cline’s sat on the edge of a small town in Washington state. While its name suggested an upscale establishment, the place was, in all actuality, a shit hole. The booths and barstools were ripped at every corner of the seam, the tables were chipped and scuffed, and it appeared as if the employees hadn’t swept or mopped the floor in well over a decade. They had all been to nasty bars in the past, but Classy Cline’s took the cake.

“I don’t even wanna drink from this glass,” Sam mumbled as he eyed the pint glass Dean had placed in front of him. 

While aesthetics weren’t on Cline’s side, the beer looked more than appetizing. An amber/gold liquid, topped with a beautiful, white head. Any beer enthusiast would foam at the mouth at the sight. The glasses, contrary to the floors, looked spotless. If they had put as much effort into cleaning the building as they did disinfecting the glassware, lines would be out the door, and Cline would be a millionaire.

“Oh, don’t be a baby, Sammy,” Dean rolled his eyes and gave a beer to (Y/N) and Castiel. “It may not live up to its name, but the beer sure looks good.”

“Thank you, Dean,” (Y/N) and Castiel spoke in unison.

“I’ll never get used to that,” Dean shook his head and sat down next to his brother. “It’s as if you two are constantly in sync.”

(Y/N) furrowed his brows as he cupped the glass with one hand, condensation coating his palm. “We’re an American boy band from the 90’s?” He cocked his head to the side.

Dean froze, the glass inches from his lips as he shot him a questioning glance. “While I’m proud of you for remembering what I taught you about music, that’s not what I meant. ‘In sync’. Two separate words.”

“Oh…”

“(Y/N) and I have worked together for well over a century. We’re bound to have some similarities.” Castiel explained.

Dean shrugged. “I guess you’re right,” he took a sip of his beer.

(Y/N) noted Sam’s hesitancy to drink, so he took a moment to examine the liquid himself. It looked clean, safe, and better than many other beers he had drank before. He took a swig and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was still very cold. A layer of foam coated his upper lip. Sam picked up his glass and examined the bottom.

“Will you stop that?” Dean scolded. “The beer is fine, Sam, you’re not going to die. You look like an idiot.”

“Well, excuse me for being skeptical, Dean! Have you seen the state of this place? I believe I have a right to be concerned.” Sam hissed.

“The beer is very pleasant, Sam,” (Y/N) smiled as he took another long swig, downing half the pint. 

Sam slowly nodded. “I can tell,” he mumbled and glanced down at his glass. He hesitated for a moment before he took a careful sip, letting the liquid rest against his tastebuds before he swallowed. He hummed and raised his brows. “Wow, that’s pretty good.”

“See? Your big brother knows a thing or two about beer,” Dean smiled.

A bartender waltzed into view - an overworked twenty-something with her dirty blonde hair tossed back into a bun that she should have fixed hours ago. She sat a rocks glass in front of (Y/N), the ice emanating a clink inside as it shifted. He stared and intensely studied the dark liquid.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t order this,” he looked up at her.

The bartender sighed and gestured towards the bar. “The man over there sent it,” she grumbled, her voice unenthusiastic and laced with exhaustion. She didn’t give him any time to further investigate before she swiveled through the booths and tables, vanishing into the crowd of regulars. 

The group looked at the drink with curiosity before their attention shifted to the bar. Only one of the patrons had their gaze glued to the hunters. He looked to be in his mid-forties, with short, salt-and-pepper hair decorating the top of his head and a beard to match. Age lines crinkled the corners of his mouth and eyes. A leather jacket covered his broad shoulders and the jeans he wore left little to the imagination. When (Y/N)’s eyes connected with the stranger’s, the man smirked and winked. (Y/N) continued to stare at him, lips slightly parted, until he felt an elbow in his side. His gaze shot over to the eldest Winchester.

“Give him a smile and a wave. That shows him you appreciate it.” Dean said through a smile.

“Oh,” (Y/N) raised his brows and looked back at the man, whose eyes were still on him. He gave a small smile, followed by a timid wave.

The stranger grinned before he turned his head away. (Y/N) looked down and studied the glass once more. The liquid was a slightly darker shade than the beer, but more transparent. When he picked it up, the liquid sloshed inside. The smell was strong but slightly sweet. Whiskey. A sip of it caused him to cringe. It was Fireball. Not the best choice to send a stranger across the bar, but to each their own. 

Dean leaned in close to him, his cheeky grin still prominent. “You should go over and talk to him.”

“Why?”

“He just gave you a drink. He wants to talk to you.”

(Y/N) gave Dean a confused stare. “How does that-”

“It doesn’t matter.” Dean waved him off. “He’s flirting with you by sending over the drink! You should go flirt back.”

(Y/N) looked from the drink to Dean, from Dean to the stranger. He was a very attractive man, but (Y/N) was far from interested in flirtation. However, if Dean thought he should, what could go wrong? He trusted Dean’s advice.

Hesitantly, (Y/N) stood, the glass of Fireball in hand, and made his way over to the bar where the gentleman sat. He took the empty barstool next to him. The man looked at him out of the corner of his eye and smirked.

“Good to see you up close,” he said and turned his body to face (Y/N). “You’re even cuter than I thought. Chris,” he held out his hand.

This is a handshake. This is how strangers greet each other.

(Y/n) grasped Chris’ hand and shook it gently. He noticed how firm his grip was. “My name is (Y/N),” he said.

Chris smirked. “A beautiful name for a beautiful man,” he pulled his hand away and casually placed it on (Y/N)’s knee. “I’ve been coming here for, close to, fifteen years, and I have never seen anyone as good-looking as yourself. You new around here?”

(Y/N)’s eyes shifted to Chris’ hand before they returned to his face. “My friends and I are on a trip.” He replied. It’s a classic lie most hunters use and one that was taught to him early on in his training.

“Ah, and how long will you be staying?”

“I believe this is the last night we’re here.”

“You’re not sure?”

“My friend, Dean, drives us. He knows more about our itinerary than I do.”

“A ‘go with the flow’ kind of man. I like it.”

As they continued to talk, Chris’ hand ventured further up (Y/N)’s thigh, squeezing the flesh on his leg from time to time. Simple conversation switched to flirting rather quickly, the majority of it one-sided. What started as cheesy ‘first date’ type questions turned risque in the blink of an eye. At first, they were easy questions that (Y/N) could answer without an issue, but once they started to get dirty, his mind turned blank. Half the vocabulary Chris used was new to him. While he knew all of them revolved around sex, he couldn’t quite pinpoint the definition, regardless of the context clues provided. 

He could feel the familiar pit in his stomach as the questions droned on. The sensation that he couldn’t quite give a title to yet. At least, not an accurate one. ‘Uncomfortable’ seemed as if it fit too loosely for the circumstance. It felt as if there were a swarm of bees buzzing around in his stomach, moving from his gut to his chest periodically.

Chris leaned in close to (Y/N)’s ear, his warm, whiskey-filled breath caressing his cheek. (Y/N)’s eyes were cast down. He had lost the ability to maintain constant eye contact when the mood shifted, and the bees began their attack.

“What do you say we get out of here?” Chris asked. “I could show you a thing or two.”

When Chris’s hand landed on (Y/N)’s crotch, every muscle in his body was on fire as they clenched tightly. (Y/N)’s eyes went wide and his body froze. The bees didn’t just fly, they infiltrated his entire nervous system. He felt an overwhelming need to retreat like one would in a battle they knew they couldn’t win. But he wasn’t in a battle. It was a simple conversation. Why did he feel like that?

Chris pressed small kisses on the back of (Y/N)’s ear. (Y/N) inhaled and turned his head slightly, the need to get away from Chris strong. Chris immediately stopped and opened his eyes. He paused for a moment before he pulled away and sighed.

“I see you’re not as interested as I thought you were,” he gave a tight smile, pulled out his wallet, and slammed a twenty on the bar. “Thanks for nothing.” He grumbled before he got up and stormed away.

With his presence gone, (Y/N) felt a sense of peace and ease wash over him. The beating of his heart inside his chest began to lessen and return to a normal pace. With a glance down at his hand, he noticed the way his fingertips trembled. That hadn’t been the first time someone else had gotten so bold with touching him, and he was certain it wouldn’t be the last. When was that feeling going to go away?

After a minute or so passed, he was able to compose himself enough to stand from the barstool and wander back to the table where Sam, Dean, and Castiel sat. He joined them without a word, not wanting to interrupt their conversation, and grabbed his lukewarm beer. There was no chance he was going to drink anymore that night. Not with his stomach as uneasy as it was.

“Hey, you okay?” Sam asked.

“I’m fine,” (Y/N) spoke.

“You sure?” Dean chimed in. “Guy looked like he had a stick up his ass when he left.

(Y/N) shrugged. “I believe he just wanted to leave.” He tried to keep his voice as straight as possible. He could tell his nerves hadn’t fully recovered.

Dean shook his head. “Well, his loss.”

*~*

One thing (Y/N) adored about being human was the way showers made him feel after a hunt. He never quite realized how tense his muscles could get until the hot water caressed his limbs. It was as if all the adrenaline was washed from his body. It made him feel refreshed. Renewed.

That night, he got the last shower. The water wasn’t as hot as other showers he had taken, but he would accept warm any day. By the time he left the bathroom, clad in a pair of night pants and a loose t-shirt courtesy of the youngest Winchester, Sam, Dean, and Castiel were dressed to leave. Another post-hunt celebration. Dean glanced at (Y/N).

“You’re not coming?” He asked. 

(Y/N) shook his head and walked over to his bed. “Not tonight, no.”

“Why not? You never miss out on a bar.”

(Y/N) settled into the bed, and sat up with his legs crossed. “I notice that humans get very physical when they are at bars. I’m not quite used to it yet, so I think I’m going to wait until I’m ready.”

“Ready for what, (Y/N)?” Castiel asked.

“The touching.”

The three of them shared a concerned look before Sam waved his hand dramatically, eyes closed tightly. 

“Wait,” he reached a hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What do you mean ‘get used to’?”

“Well, I’m not accustomed to the way humans express attraction. I surely wasn’t aware that there was as much physical contact involved. So, I figured it was something I would be more comfortable with as time went on. I mean, I never knew strangers were so interested in touching each other’s genitalia.”

They all furrowed their brows, confusion etched perfectly on their faces, and slowly made their way over to the bed. Sam sat at the edge next to (Y/N), Dean stood next to him, and Castiel sat on the opposite side of the bed from Sam.

“(Y/N),” Sam started, his voice soft and steady, the same voice he used when talking to the families of victims. “Have you…given these people permission to touch you?”

(Y/N) cocked his head to the side, slightly taken aback by the question, as it was something he had never even considered before. Had he permitted them to touch him? He could not recall. Then again, he didn’t remember them asking. He took a moment to think back on the times he had been in bars since he became human.

“No,” he answered. “The first couple of times it happened, I pulled away from the touch, as it made me rather uncomfortable, but they would just get upset. One man told me it was wrong to ‘lead him on’ and then deny his touch. After that, I let people touch me. I would like a break from it for tonight.”

“(Y/N), other humans need permission to touch you,” Castiel said.

“But they get upset-”

“To Hell with them being upset,” Dean interjected. “No one has a right to touch you, especially if you don’t want them to.”

“Is that why that one guy left the last bar we went to left? You wouldn’t let him touch you?” Sam asked.

(Y/N) could feel his cheeks and neck heat up. He suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to hide his face. Was it because of the answer to the question? Was it because of the question itself? He couldn’t quite pinpoint the origin of the sense of dread, but he knew it wasn’t going to vanish anytime soon.

He shook his head, eyes cast down to his hands. “I let him touch me. I assume it was because I didn’t respond when he asked me to leave with him.”

Dean’s jaw clenched as he ran a hand down his face. “Son of a bitch,” he growled and began to lightly pace between the motel beds.

Sam slowly shook his head. “(Y/N), those people are horrible. You should never touch someone without consent, and you should never let anyone touch you if you are uncomfortable with it. Do you understand?” His eyes were laced with sympathy.

(Y/N) went to say something, but he felt a lump in his throat prevent him from doing so. Instead, he just gave a short, brief nod.

“I can only imagine how tough it was to become human. To lose all that power. You may not have the power to heal us anymore or read others’ minds, but you are still your own person, (Y/N). You have the power to tell people to keep their hands off of you. You have the power to let yourself have a good time at these places. It doesn’t matter what other people think about your choices. In the end, all that matters is you, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied, his voice shaky and barely above a whisper. 

(Y/N) sniffled, and he felt as if his head was pulsing. Tears sprung to the corner of his eyes and cascaded down his cheeks. For the first time since he lost his grace, he cried. It wasn’t loud and dramatic, but, rather, soft.

It explained so much. How he hated the way bar patrons touched him, the sinking feeling when they got too close, the panic that coursed through his veins. That was no flaw on his part, but a flaw on the strangers. What they did was wrong, not him.

And that validation broke him.

(Y/N) immediately knew he hated crying. His chest ached as the silent sobs racked his body. In a way, it was relieving, though. It felt as if all of the pent-up discomfort was being released. As if he was reborn. Still, it hurt worse than it did comfort him.

Castiel was the first to respond as he placed a gentle hand against (Y/N)’s back, Sam, being the closest, engulfed him in a near bone-shattering embrace, and Dean halted his paces to kneel beside the bed, one of his hands landing on the small of his back. (Y/N) closed his eyes tight and leaned his head against Sam’s chest. Their touch made him feel safe. This was a good touch. This was how touch should make him feel. He shouldn’t be forced to feel uncomfortable to please others, because, in reality, some people aren’t going to like him, even if the reasons are far from valid. It was a harsh reality, but as long as he had his family by his side, he didn’t mind if the whole world hated him.

After a few quiet minutes, filled with silent cries, the tears stopped. (Y/N)’s eyes were bright red and puffy, and he occasionally sniffled.

“Hey,” Dean said, his voice soothing.

(Y/N) lifted his head from Sam’s chest and glanced over at him. Sam pulled back a bit so the embrace wasn’t nearly as intense.

“If you’re ever in a situation like that, where some douchebag won’t keep his hands off of you, all you have to do is say the word and we’ll kick his ass for you.”

“What if it’s a woman?” He asked quietly.

Dean opened his mouth to give a quick answer but shut it as he thought about it. “Then we will have Cas bring Jody or Charlie in to kick her ass. The point is; fuck everyone else.”

(Y/N) furrowed his brows. “Does that not mean to have intercourse with them?”

Dean sighed. “Sam, Cas, a little help?”

“What Dean is trying to say,” Castiel chimed in. “Is that you should not prioritize other peoples’ desires over your comfort. You are more important than a stranger. They are not important, you are, and what other people think doesn’t matter. If someone does not listen to you when you deny them, we will do everything in our power to protect you. We still care about you, and want what’s best for you.”

Dean pressed his lips together and nodded. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. That’s exactly what I meant.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hold back his smirk. “Look, we know how tough it is to be human. Dean and I have been dealing with this our whole lives. We know that there are setbacks that come with the package, but there are also a ton of fun experiences. We don’t want some jackass to ruin it for you. Cas said it better than Dean or I could. We care about you and want to do everything we can to look out for you. You deserve it.”

The tears reappeared, but they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of joy. Of relief. As if his heart would burst with all the love and care his friends will it with. (Y/N) took a moment to wrap his arms around each of them in an individual hug to show his appreciation. 

“Thank you. I am very grateful to have friends like you.” He smiled warmly.

Dean smiled before he cleared his throat and waved him off. “Alright, enough of the chick-flick crap,” he said as he stood from his spot on the floor, a groan escaping his throat that he tried not to make too noticeable. “What do you say we skip the bar tonight, order some takeout, and watch a movie? I hear Roadhouse is on at seven.”

(Y/N) cocked his head to the side. “What’s Roadhouse?”

Dean froze, wide-eyed. His jaw dropped in shock. “‘What’s Roadhouse’?” He repeated in disbelief. “Action movie? Patrick Swayze? Sam Elliott? Kelly Lumch? Julie Michaels? Keith David!?” With each name, his voice got louder.

“Are those actors?”

“I-” Dean threw his hands up as he turned his back on him and began to pace around the room once more.

(Y/N) flashed a worried look at Castiel, then Sam. Sam shook his head and chuckled. 

“Dean’s just being dramatic,” he whispered, which caused (Y/N) to let out a sigh of relief.

“I am not being dramatic!” Dean retorted before he stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “This is all my fault. I was so focused on teaching him about good music that movies never crossed my mind. Have you at least seen Indiana Jones?”

“Indiana…as in the state?”

“If it makes you feel any better, (Y/N), I, too, have yet to see Roadhouse or Indiana Jones,” Castiel said.

Dean deadpanned. “I have some work to do. Sam, go get us some food. I need to make a list of movies for them to watch.”

Sam snorted as he stood from his spot on the bed. “Yeah, yeah. Just text me what you guys want.” He mumbled and retrieved his jacket from the back of one of the chairs.

As Sam left to get them food, Dean began to ramble on about movies he determined (Y/N) and Castiel had to watch, most of which were either action or old westerns. He talked with such passion regarding the films that (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile. Dean was right, the opinions of others didn’t matter, especially those whose only goal was to satisfy their selfish desires, disregarding others’ wellbeing. They were foolish, scum, true lions in sheep’s clothing. Those hidden evil beings could make themselves look innocent. (Y/N) didn’t need to please them. Didn’t need to make them happy. He only wanted to make his family happy, just as they did him. For how much they’ve helped him on his treacherous journey into manhood, they deserve it, for they have taught him the most valuable lesson of all;

His worth was priceless.

…

“Hey, are you even listening?”

[antiquitiesandlabyrinths]

Kemeticism Under the Advice of Ptah-Hotep:

Maxim 4

This is the final maxim to communicate wisdom upon the subject of arguments and verbal adversaries. We have covered arguments with opponents who are both greater and equal to you, but the fourth maxim explains the proper way to act in an argument with someone who is inferior.

Translation of Maxim 4:

In debate with an opponent who is by no means your equal, do not take advantage of his weakness by attacking him. Let him show his own mediocrity and he himself will provide the rod with which to beat his own back. Resist the temptation to show him up and don't lose your temper. It is despicable to crush an inferior. People will then act according to your wishes, while your adversary will sink in the eyes of the great ones.

Breakdown:

Lesson

Jacq's translation

Direct translation

Do not take advantage of the weaknesses of those inferior to you. Harming someone who does not have the means to protect themselves is against Ma'at.

“In debate with an opponent, who is by no means your equal, do not take advantage of his weakness by attacking him… it is despicable to crush and inferior.”

“…unworthy is the one who harms an inferior man.”

Those inferior to you will show their own mediocrity simply by showing themselves; thus it is best to stay silent and let them reveal themselves.

“Let him show his own mediocrity, and he himself will provide the rod with which to beat his own back.”

“Bring him down to earth, and he will punish himself.”

Resist temptation to prove yourself as better to one you know to be your inferior.

“Resist the temptation to show him up and don’t lose your temper.”

“… may your heart not be aggressive with him because of his weakness… do not answer him to relieve your heart.”

For the final time I would like to press the importance that Ptah-Hotep puts upon control of oneself and, ultimately, the dispelling of pride. Being able to put these ideas into motion within one's own life allows one to see the importance of expression and communication, which is one of the major ideals of Egyptian thought.

The sanctity of words rises above all. Such things as pride and desire can make the art of language sick and twist its' meaning. In Memphite theology and the Egyptian's idea of the universe and cosmology, words held great meaning, and those words written down turned both the writer and their thoughts into immortal pieces of knowledge. No thought left unexpressed by the mouth had any existence or meaning in the world. The last thought to express about these maxims, maxims 2, 3, and 4, deals with control.

When we are able to control ourselves, we control the world. We are able to control how we see the world and our reaction to everything that happens within it. We are able to see and experience our emotions but not act upon the negative ones, or the ones which do not serve us. When we control ourselves, we are able to express ourselves perfectly, and pride does not cloud our vision of the truth.

Ptah-Hotep does not preach an extreme asceticism to follow when wanting to learn how to control yourself. In fact, he preaches very little in terms of teaching one how to become in control. It is up for the individual to find their path and take from the teachings of many to make their way towards the state of imyakh, or im-akh; the state of Blessedness. This unsure path is because Ma'at is fluid and personalized, and takes into account the surrounding circumstances. It is not an unchanging dogma since Her true representation is within balance and harmony, and such things cannot be achieved through strict and rigid dogma or asceticism, though nor can it be reached through extreme pleasure.

This is the underlying message. But I think the most overt message, and one still of great importance, is to realize the power of words. The invention of language has allowed us to express complex thought and with the complexity we have given our human languages, has allowed us to soar beyond the machinations and rituals of other animals on earth. Even further, the invention of writing has allowed us to peer into the past and hear the exact words of people who lived possible thousands of years before us. But being able to express yourself within the parameters of the language you know can be quite difficult, and was considered by Ptah-Hotep to be one of the hardest practices to master. When one is able to express themselves concisely, they are able to communicate the very core of their essence, and the essential thought in their mind. When one is unable to do this, they are misunderstood, and chaos can follow. This is why being able to speak and communicate with the perfect word is a true following and deep understanding of Ma'at, as the absence of the perfect word leads readily to isfet, or chaos.

While at first these last three maxims may seem to simply give advice for particular situations, when one looks deeper, one can discover a great, hidden message within the words of the Vizier Ptah-Hotep. By analyzing the words handed down to us over the millennia, we are able to see true depth of thought within all our ancestors, beyond what simply meets the eye and passes on.

[your-subby-creature]

hello im a decently new sub how can i make sure my dom partner is enjoying our time together too?

First of all: I'm not the font of all knowledge and I can really only give my perspective based on what I personally do. Every Dom, sub, and dynamic is unique and everyone needs different things to feel fulfilled.

In my opinion, it really all comes down to communication and understanding the dynamic you're engaging in. You NEED to communicate with your Dom, this is utterly non-negotiable. Check in with them during and after scenes, ask them what they enjoy, talk about what makes a scene good for them and how they like to feel. Your Dom is a PERSON FIRST, not a character, not a role, a complex human person who doesn't inherently want all the same things you do. If you want to engage in a given kink and think that just because someone is a Dom that they inherently want to take that control? You're just as bad as Doms that presume subs want to give everything that they want. Full stop. If you can't have these kinds of conversations, you're not ready to be responsible and accountable for your own wants, desires, and actions, and thus aren't ready to be participating in kink dynamics.

This gets me to my second point: you HAVE to understand what a kink relationship really is. In a very real sense, kink is a game of pretend that has real-world emotional and physical consequences. There is NEVER a point in a scene, no matter what kind, where it stops being an interaction between consenting human adults with personhood and power. Let me repeat that more specifically: subs, there is never a time where you are not responsible for yourself and your actions. Your Dom is ALWAYS just another person, and any power they have over you is negotiated and consented to by BOTH parties, and can be changed at any time. You do not get to make another person entirely responsible for you; that is not how life works. In the D/s relationships we negotiate and consent to, we need to understand the realities that underlie our fictions and fantasies, otherwise we risk believing in them.

Believing in these fantasies without the backing of reality is what leads to many of the harmful situations we discuss in our community. It leads to us forgetting that both Doms and subs are people, and not kink dispensers to fulfill our fantasies. It leads to us treating each other poorly and shallowly, without regard for the human life on the other side. It leads to us making assumptions about what people "should" like or do, rather than what our partner(s) actually enjoy. It leads to a severe lack of critical thought about the dynamics, kinks, and roles we engage in, letting broader issues (like this one) fester and harm people.

I've been on my soapbox for a while, so I'll chill. TLDR: Your Dom is a person, and you must communicate and think through your interactions.

-your Creature

[heimdallsram]

Im such a sucker for your series 😭 its like my guilty pleasure, i can't wait to see their relationship develop,,, quick question (if thats all right,) do you have any tips on how to get heimdall's personality down? It seems like its a common wall that some of the fandoms writers are blocked by, i hope you can shed some insight on how you go about it👍

Of course! And I totally understand getting blocked by it, Heimdall is by no means easy to write; every scene he's in, it takes me a lot of thought. I'm not good with uppity, smarter than thou, asshole characters, but I usually do end up loving them regardless. I think it's a habit at this point, haha.

I've heard this analogy before, and I'm sure it's been spread around Tumblr many times, but a character is like an onion. There's the thinner outer layers, the ones they only want you to see that are usually vibrant, run over with color, but that is merely an illusion. When you peel to the deeper layers, they get thicker, shorter, more full of flavor and less colorful--unappealing, to some, or unappealing to themselves? That's for the beholder to decide. And when you get to the core, it's the best part for cooking, or writing, in this instance.

So Heimdall is an onion, much like any other character is an onion. A good reference would be, and don't laugh at me for this, Kratos. Kratos did not end up the man he has become without struggle and sacrifice; Heimdall, on the other hand, has not had to sacrifice or struggle to get where he has in life (from what we know of him in the game) at all. He's spoiled, been brought up by nine mothers who, by all regards, gave him the love Odin did not--but as we all know, you seek what you cannot have, and for Heimdall, that is both Odin's love and approval, and also... the desire to be useful.

It is a simple desire, when boiled down to it, but isn't that what most characters want? What they will never have? Freya wanted Baldur's happiness, selfishly, and his protection, but in the end, she could not have what she wanted; Kratos desired peace, but due to his curse and desire to protect Atreus, he could not have it until he struggled once more; Odin sought knowledge over death and the afterlife, but he paid the price for it through Ragnarök and through his countless marriages and children.

Heimdall's shallow, vain, bully-like personality is only a small part of what we are allowed to see of him. During his fight, and death, we see more of him, but only a fraction: he does not want anyone to control his fate, when he lives or dies. This is probably largely due to the fact that Odin goes to the extremes to get what he wants, even using his children to do so. I would not put it past him to have something to do with Heimdall's closeness to Bifrost, but that's something for later.

Back on to the topic, though, Heimdall is complex. Add on to what we know of him and what we can see and analyze, he has serious depth that was not explored, as he was a means to an end, in a sense. And to a degree, he probably knew that behind his false sense of bravado. He has gone all his life serving Odin, never doubting him, the most loyal Aesir in all of Asgard. But that kind of loyalty will never come without a price. Heimdall has no life save to monitor humanity and the wall; he has no trust in those around him, save Odin, because he knows what they are thinking, what their intentions are; he opens up, momentarily, about Gulltoppr, but even then, it's the more shallow attention seeking version, because animals are, above all, honest. They cannot lie.

Can you imagine such an existence? Living with the knowledge that you have to know what everyone thinks of you, how they doubt you, constantly, without any way of controlling it? Heimdall would have to had learned that control, as nothing is ever innate. That kind of life breeds isolation, loneliness, and above all, once more, the desire to be loved, useful. His mothers are no longer in the picture by the time the game begins, so we can assume that Odin does not give him any attention as they would have. And we do not know, truly, if he was separated from them or left willingly.

So, forgive me for the rambling tirade, but my tips, with all regards to what I have said, would be this:

• Heimdall will have hidden anger and mistrust. How would he attempt to overcome that, if persuaded to do so? How would that affect him if he had someone to trust, a lover, a friend, involved?

• A father figure will have precedence when a mother is absent. Heimdall is loyal to Odin. How does he choose to reflect that loyalty? How does he deflect his doubt about his father even as the rest of his family suffers?

• Heimdall does not seem the type to consider Odin's other children family. Would he be deeply impersonal and snarky? The idea of a family would likely revolt him. Think of how he mocked Atreus to Kratos; this is the mocking of a wounded child who pushes his inferiority and experiences onto others. Heimdall will struggle with this.

• Odin, for whatever reason, inspires loyalty. Heimdall is the enforcer of that loyalty. How far would he go for Odin? What is he driven by? The answer is up to you.

• For the sake of fanfiction, would Heimdall be open to a partner/lover? I honestly do not think so. He has proven to be doubtful and mistrustful from the get go, but, but, but, he has shown to also be mischievous for his own gain. But with time, effort, and proof that you are not a liar? Maybe he would consider it, and for Heimdall I think that would speak volumes.

• In addendum to that: actions vs words. Heimdall is mouthy as hell. But notice, in the game, that his actions do not match his words. He taunts, jeers, yes, but while fighting Atreus, he is calm, waiting for openings, chipping at his esteem. While in the fight with Kratos, as he is close to dying, he is far from calm: he is not in control. His actions are wild, frenzied, but they are also alive, while brief.

• Heimdall does not come easy to write, especially if you are doing a deep dive into his psyche. If you are writing something short, concise, and purely self indulgent, I would say not to worry too much about his portrayal. Be accurate, to a point, but let your ideas take you away. If you want to be more serious, more dark and brooding, take the onion approach as I did. Think about how, at each stage, how he would reveal himself, be the tiniest bit more vulnerable.

• There is obviously creative freedom to be respected here. So, you can imagine Heimdall as you like, truly, but blending that line between Canon and fiction is... chef's kiss. You could take it anywhere: he may be secretly introverted within, unable to cope with living in a society like Asgard, so he seeks the wall instead; or, pushed aside for Thor and Baldur, Odin sees no use for him except to walk the wall and slowly exposes the doubt he harbors. Really, the possibilities are endless!

This is getting very long, as I seem to have a habit of doing, but my point is this: treat him like he's something new and undiscovered. Write him from a point of view that is solely yours, even if it may seem inaccurate. Look at him like a fascinating new creature that you wish to study, decipher, poke and prod at; figure out what makes him tick.

Figure out what secrets he harbors deep within.

I hope this was helpful, anon! And if not to you, maybe someone else will get something out of this. 💕

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

Speaking of which, how do you characterize the Pregame bois?

I have a document on this

No one is surprised

I have playlists on them

still no one is surprised

They are named Koharu and Shinichi, you may recognize Koharu because thanks to a convoluted series of event he kinda evolved from pregame kokichi to his own original character so I've been kinda tempted to change pregame kokichis name to something else.

I'll put their information under a cut because im too lazy to turn this out of a list into a paragraph form

Kokichi - Koharu

God complex

Believes himself to be the only real person

Wants to be prime minister

Incredibly dangerous manipulator and near perfect liar

Dresses softly and acts weak and shy to make people trust him

Has his entire school under his command with a puppet king in the student council

Knows everything about everyone, no one moves without him knowing about it.

Views the people around him as toys for him to play with or tools to use

No desire for a relationship as he doesnt think anyone could ever even get close to matching him, so any relationship he did take would be uneven and just for appearances.

Parents died at a very young age so he grew up in a rough orphanage where he learned to never trust anyone or anything

Craves challenge and interesting experiences but no one can adequately challenge him so he’s bored

Doesn’t have many social skills outside of manipulation and as such struggles with emotions, whether it be his own or other people’s, even if he hides it pretty well

No hesitation to ruin lives to get what he wants.

Occasionally has secret breakdowns about being alone and stressed but he represses those and pretends it didn’t have them

Loathes people who hurt animals, views them as the lowest scum. Humans are worthless but animals are soft and loyal. Eating meat is one thing, he doesn’t care about that because that’s just life, but if he catches you throwing a rock at a cat or something, your life is over.

Uses bullies to manipulate people by seeming in need of help or pitiable

Feels like he’s never truly seen, he crushes that down as useless observation, he doesn’t want anyone to see the real him, it’d ruin everything.

Monaca is his favorite character and idol, his facade is based on her “pitiable children are the most powerful” philosophy.

Doesn’t make friends as he finds other people to be annoying and unfulfilling, they all seem very shallow and boring for anything beyond use as a toy or tool. No one would like him if it wasn’t for his facade anyways, its all just superficial tolerance. No one actually wants something that actually goes both ways, everyone just wants a shoulder to cry on, no care about the shoulder itself as long as it’s comforting them. So he’ll give them that, it’s easier.

Tries not to doubt himself but does have a rare moment of crippling uncertainty and wondering why he even tries, no one actually appreciates him anyways and he’s so bored and alone, why does he try?

Acts weak and soft and sad and teary and skittish but it's all a lie to both protect himself and gain power

Joined the game to prove his superiority by ending the world’s so beloved game and also become a celebrity. It’s one of many steps in his very long and detailed plan for world domination. Besides the game had long since grown old and stale and predictable

Shuichi - Shinichi

Manic

Self esteem constantly shifting between highs and lows

Yearning for positive contact and romance and also sex

Shockingly self aware of what a mess he is 

Protective of the few people who tolerate him or he likes

Sexual and Violent intrusive thoughts

Resentful but tired

Enjoys really dark subjects

Devoted

Really bad at social cues and knowing whats normal or not

Masochistic and Sadistic

Actually really really good at solving mysteries but easily distracted and easily derailed from his conclusions

Wants to fix himself but a lack of support along with society’s apathy means he’s kinda been left floundering.

Ignores things that make him feel shitty to focus on positives

Parents encourage him to be more assertive and tough, this does NOT help his intrusive thoughts

Honestly just desperate for love and affection, he’d never actually hurt someone for it, but man, sometimes he really wants to.

Smokes to try and keep his chill

Can’t casually get into anything, is either 100% in or 0% in

Reads and writes a lot of fanfiction, actually somewhat a big name for his really well done characterization of more violent or manic characters.

Met Koharu once and saw through him immediately, they never met again after that but he really freaked out Koharu and is honestly lucky he went to a different school.

Danganronpa is his favorite show because it lets him safely indulge in his twisted desires and feels rather cathartic. Plus he loves the mysteries! Joining and finally killing someone for real should be the ultimate catharsis and finally put an end to this sickness in his head....right?

[satellite-slickers]

im not worried about ai art, both because i dont think its morally wrong for people to use it. my system members have loved using novel ai in order to get images that they can look at and see themselves for maybe the first time ever

and also because the worries about abuse of human artists kinda, isnt founded? if you think that ai is the reason that artists are going to be mistreated and undervalued and treated as a commodity. then you havent been paying attention to anything about how professional artists are treated just under capitalism in general and all of those fears are already happening and will continue to happen with or without ai. and the only way to stop that is to change the culture and capitalism itself. not going after a new technology.

also the fact that in order to actually push artists out. it would have to replace artists. and in order to replace what people actually like about art and take away from art and why art is desired at all beyond just "it looks pretty" you would have to create an ai with an understsnding of so many different topics and other stuff that it wouldnt even be an ai anymore, that would be a wholeass person.

remember that ai anime thing on youtube? or the infinite sinfeld? that anime didnt look like anime, it looked like an instagram filter. and remember how the ai sinfeld was bad? no plot, characters doing stuff for no reason, jt had no idea what a commedy was supposed to be.

in order to fix those problems you would have to each ai about things like how to communicate themes, how to actually do good animation, how to weave cohesive plots, and in order to so that they would need understanding of topics so complex that that wouldnt even be an ai anymore. forget turring test that would be a wholeass person

and when we create human level ai or above. the conversation is not going to be about whether or not skynet is going to take artists jobs

[sovereignzofdarkness]

hhai I think you're rllt cool uhm . Opinions on this dude?? :0

ah, beloved cheese... one of those characters i have a surprising amount of thoughts on but i feel like i dont actually ever talk about them

Sexuality Headcanon: this kind of goes hand in hand with my gender headcanon for them but i genuienly feel like they dont stick to labels all that much. they like being a human (or cookie i guess) enigma making men question their sexualities either which way. they think its funny and i feel like they revel in that kind of thing. they go with whoever they want and everyone around them desires them carnally

Gender Headcanon: again feel like they dont stick to labels but at most if they absolutely had to theyd consider themself transfem but dont really go beyond that. theyre some secret third thing A ship I have with said character: cinnafort has quiiiiickly grown into a big big favourite of mine dont even ask me how it just happened i like it a lot. cant help enjoying the trope of a more outwardly souave character paired with someone whos just a hot mess. (not to say roguefort isnt also a hot mess but no ones gotta know... for now...) though honorable mention to cheesefort because i can never forget a first love... (still like the pairing cinnafort is just my go to rogue pairing) LAST MINUTE EDIT TO SAY I ALSO REALLY LIKE CROWFORT ME AND A BUDDY HAVE WRITTEN A LOT OF SPECIFIC SCENARIOS REGARDING THEM TOGETHER AND I THINK THEYRE A REALLY FUN RIVALS TO STILL KIND OF RIVALS BUT WITH A WEIRD ROMANTIC TENSION GOING ON THEYRE VERY FUN.

A BROTP I have with said character: roll cake and roguefort living in the same apartment complex and becoming kind of friends through that is something that started in a roleplay server of mine and ive kind of been obsessed with the idea since. i really like the idea of rogue and roll being friends, not super close but roll invites rogue to dinner sometimes just as a nice thing to do as sort-of neighbors and hes completely oblivious to rogues personal life but they get along well enough

A NOTP I have with said character: this may be a bold one to say and i dont really *hate* it as much as i just find it *boring* but i kind of dont care much for almondfort. i understand the appeal, serious straightlaced detective with smug thief, i understand why people like it, and i understand why its the most popular pairing for the both of them (except maybe beaten by almondlatte w almond but im not even sure about that) but at the same time it feels like the most...boring approach to their dynamic? to be blunt? at least in the way ive seen it portrayed most of the time.

i dont mean this to be mean to anyone who likes the pairing bc i know there are people in my following who do like them; those are just my own personal thoughts. ive always found a more interesting reading of their dynamic to be related a bit to how i generally view almond; someone who tends to accidentally come off as patronizing to anyone younger than him and whos instincts as a father can genuienly sometimes get in the way of his detective work when it comes to certain criminals. and then take roguefort, someone who comes from a somewhat troubled family background, and that almond knows that they come from a somewhat troubled background, and well almond starts having a sort of pitying, 'i know they can do better' mentality that i feel roguefort would be aware of and would honestly probably drive them to act out more which causes almonds pitying to get stronger and well its an awful cycle. went on a bit of a tangeant there, but i think that sort of weird strained dynamic can just be a lot more fun to explore imo. no drag to anyone who does like them as a ship but those are just my thoughts

A random headcanon: i think in a real life human setting roguefort would be franco belgian

General Opinion over said character: rogue is a very very very fascinating individual. very fun to write about! has so many things wrong with them

[hexonthepeach]

Why is Taeyong crying in the beginning of 16? And Johnny won’t leave..Mark will be ok, won’t he? Why don’t they just move me somewhere else if they want to be around him around the clock & then haechan can visit him too even…?

sorry i didn't answer you sooner but im glad you went through y/n's emotional journey along with the text. it's so fun to see the play by play of wondering if their concern is genuine or artificial, although some of your theories are a little wild i hope your anxieties were erased by reading further. im gonna add some clarity from the chapter just in case

- taeyong is crying because he is an empathetic person and knows you experienced a violent non-consensual mating by a feral alpha. he feels horribly, everyone does (pack bond! they feel you, too) and everyone is treading lightly around you because you are rightfully upset and hurting both physically and emotionally.

- no one is worried about mark as much as they are worried about you. mark and jaehyun have to have a conversation obviously but they're brothers in arms and will survive this. you on the other hand just had the worst possible outcome happen, a trauma you will have to unpack for the rest of your life. even if they're assholes they're not entirely without empathy for you and i don't write male leads who will ignore sexual violence as being less serious than physical violence. they really do care

- yes they are concerned for jaehyun because he literally cannot control himself in jimseung. he feels so guilty he tries to kill himself. you aren't trying to suicide him by alpha when you have him claim you, you are accepting him as a mate in spite of the situation and basically saying that if you punish this person, by our bond, you punish me. it's a shitty thing to do when he's on the brink already but it's a high tension scenario where you feel responsible for what happened and the only thing you can think to do to insure his safety. your mark and your ability to control jimseung in your mates is important, you basically cured him but he's not going to be okay for awhile and certainly neither are you!

from the start i wanted to express the idea that even with being bonded to a member of the pack that was not a simple guarantee of their kindness or loyalty and i wanted to emphasize that even more with johnny rejecting it as much as he could within his power (he failed, miserably). once he's finally accepted that you are the most important thing in his life and someone he treasures, by benefit of sharing a pack bond, everyone else starts to feel it, too

but that's not enough. people shouldn't show you kindness or listen to you just because you have been hurt, they should be more caring and recognize your needs as a fellow human being regardless of status

much like in real life you're not going to have an instant recovery or healing because of that. suffering doesn't instantly lead to redemption, it's a process you share with the party that was harmed through the process of reconciliation. that's true for everyone involved here, they're all complex individuals with their own motivations, agendas, desires, and secrets

hope this helps and all my love, enjoy the next chapters 😘

[cosmicjoke]

Hi! I hope you are doing well :) I really like reading your opinions about attack on titan, i think the show is about the cycle of hate/war never ending. About Eren there is something that always comes up in my mind, i know he is doing something evil for his own selfish view of ‘freedom’ but im always reminded that not only his idea of the world outside the walls was “disappointing” (i’m using his words) but that he can also see the future and probably see everyone on the island die, because honestly speaking i think they where going to die either way (even if Eren did nothing), since everyone outside views the island as inherently evil (if i remember correctly once they even said ‘even if they are not evil what do you think they would do to us after what we did to them?’ basically trying to justify not stopping the war, but maybe i’m remembering it wrong?). The only thing i can see that could help is what you said: destroying only the military sites. But its all about the cycle never ending so after years they would have new military sites and everything will continue again. I cant see a good resolution, people outside the walls were committing genocide and Eren is committing genocide. What Eren is doing cannot be justified, his actions are evil (literally killing most of humanity), but it still makes me have a bitter taste in my mouth when i think the people on the island are doomed either way (and to think that Eren knows that too). I know Eren is doing all this because he wants to do it but i think his character is more complex than simply say he is inherently evil, i believe both extremes of ‘he is evil at his core’ and ‘he is justified to kill everyone’ is wrong, his actions are wrong of course but say that he is a sociopath is a bit shallow in my opinion. I admit im not a very bright person so maybe you have some opinions that can help me reflect on this more? Im sorry if i made any mistakes, also english is not my first language so i apologise in advance if i misspelled something. I hope you have a good day! And im sorry for the super long ask…

Hi there, and no worries about the long ask.

About Eren seeing the future, the thing is, he couldn't see a future beyond the Attack Titan's existence. He knew he would die, because his ability to see the future ended with his death, so he wouldn't have seen the island being destroyed in the distant future, as we got to see in the last pages of the manga. He didn't even know how, exactly, Mikasa would ultimately lift the curse of the titans, he just knew she could, somehow. So his scope of the future was very specific and limited. Also, the world of Attack on Titan has a set timeline, meaning that the future can't be altered. Whatever the future is, it's one which can't be changed, no matter what you do. There are no alternate realities or timelines which can be achieved. The future Eren saw, of him destroying the world outside the walls, he sees that future because it's the only future there is. And it's the only future there is because he made the choice to enact a full scale Rumbling, no matter the circumstances leading up to it, or whatever decisions he made leading up to it, that was the choice he made. It happened because he wanted it to happen. It wasn't because he saw a future in which the island is destroyed and everyone dies, and he was trying to stop that future, or that he felt there would be no other alternative to doing so. It was because it was a choice he'd already made. He knows it too. He knows the future he sees is because of him and him alone, his own choices, which is why he's so down on himself while walking through Marley. He knows, from having seen it, that he goes through with it, even as he's horrified by himself and his desire. He himself wills that future into being through his very nature. Of course, an overarching theme of AoT is the cycle of violence, and particularly, how human nature perpetuates that cycle. More so then just the island being doomed to repeating the mistakes of the past, it's really a condemnation on humanity as a whole being doomed to repeat the same cycle again and again. AoT isn't some feel good, sugar coated story, that's for sure.

I agree that Eren isn't purely evil, or a sociopath. He's unwell, and he's selfish in the extreme. But I believe the remorse and grief he feels for his actions is genuine. I also believe he genuinely did love and care about his friends and comrades. But in the end, for whatever darkness there was inside him, he couldn't stop himself from placing his own, personal dream of freedom above everyone and everything else, and that's part of Eren's tragedy as a character. He was driven by some kind of void within him which he could never fill. He wasn't ever going to be free, because he was a slave to that void, to trying to rid himself of that feeling of being trapped he suffered with at any cost.

Anyway, hope that helps, and thanks for the ask!

[violentviolette]

to add another fandom question to the list I forgot to add: what are your thoughts on endeavor and his development? if you were a todoroki yourself, how would you feel about his development as his child? you can answer this from the hypothetical perspective of being a todoroki, as a fandom question alone or both. he is honestly such a complex and real character, there's really no wrong feeling toward his character. the todorokis in general are so interesting because on either side of the spectrum (one being dabi, the other being endeavor) their entire dynamic/development is practically what trauma survivours deal with in terms of recovery etc, especially cluster bs. you have that era where you're so mad at everything and everyone, especially the people who hurt you, and so you want them dead and maybe you even work toward that reality. but then you grow and realise this harboured hatred for everything living is stopping you from ever obtaining peace or happiness in regards to anything. and you realise your unintentional abuse toward people around you, that is a result of being abused yourself growing up, are hurting those people and pushing them away from you (when the most you want is for them to be close; or to not repeat the history of your abusers—regardless of what personal philosophy or desire you were unknowingly straying away from, the reality is that you'd benefit more by recovering from the abusive coping mechanisms you've picked up for survival). so you've got dabi who's still in this mindset of setting everything around him on fire, for relevant reasons and some not. then you've got endeavor who *was* setting everything around him on fire with his blind obsession toward number one, who then realised this isn't benefitting him, his family or upholding any worthiness of being the number one at all (which is what he was doing all of this for to begin with); thus he puts effort into changing for the better. ah truly thinking about the absolute parallels in their characters puts a lot into perspective. dabi never getting the father that tried until it was too late, only fueled him with more hatred, not only toward his father but the rest of his family—namely shoto. (I might be getting some things wrong since I didn't quite reach the point in the story where dabi and endeavor verse one another and whatnot, so hopefully this is still cohesive). and of what you've shared in regards to your journey with recovery, you're like the epitome of the dabi/endeavor spectrum, so I'd love to hear your pov of their relationship and individual characters !

another read more because once again i have written like 3k words ajksdhklasdjkhaljksdhjkasdh

so ur absolutely spot on about dabi and the todoroki's being my favs. i actually kin dabi harder than i kin bakugou. like bakugou very much feels like im looking at a mirror image of myself, particularly my younger self, but like. dabi is just straight up me. it is a 1 to 1 parallel we have lived the exact same lives. i just *am* him but i agree with absolutely all of that anon and ur SO spot on and correct. like thats literally it and it makes me foam at the mouth because of how exactly right and realistic it is and how human and familiar it all feels. i think the todoroki family are honestly the standout plot of that manga and the core of this entire story can be explored thru them all of his relationships with his kids really give u the full spectrum and their reactions and relationship to him are all so realistic to what its like to live in that kind of abusive family dynamic. everyone is going to have a different postion, differnt access to power, different subjugation and punishment, different standards and consiquences, all revolving around their postion and relation to the main abuser. and so when u look at an abusive family its always going to be a spectrum of mixed and conflicting emotions and loyalties and feelings. i think this is genuinely one of the best done and best represented things in the manga

dabi is the first born son, he has all the expectations and weight and responsibility that holds and is held to the higest standerd, he is the closest to endeavor in power and thereofre has the furtherst to fall when he ultimately doesnt live up. this is why his anger and rage and frustration are the greatest. fuyumi by contrast as the only girl had absolutely zero expectations placed on her, she was immediately tossd aside and never even in the running, so she doesnt harbor the same resentment and dissapointment that dabi does. she succeeds at fuffilling her misogynistic role as a secondary caregiver and is thus left alone and escapes a majority of the direct violent abuse, thus she's the peacemaker who just wants to have a happy family. then we have natsuo, because natsuo inherents none of endeavors firepower, he is also immediately discarded and forgotten about like fuyumi. he has no expectations and is neglected rather than directly abused like dabi, but he has no secondary role to positvely fill like fuyumi and so has nowhere positive to fall back on. that coupled with him being closer to dabi and being his support network, hearing about all the abuse dabi is going thru and seeing firsthand the consiquences of endeavors actions, he's angrier than fuyumi and after dabi's death, cant just move past it like the rest of them. this resentment and anger fester and build with no outlet, leaving him the silent dissenter among their household. he, like dabi, will also never forgive endeavor, but instead of letting that anger consume him, he focuses on escaping their life altogether because for him there was always the expectation of other options, unlike dabi who viewed a normal life as failure.

and lastly shoto, who, being born a perfect balance of his parents quirks, is able to usurp power and control from endeavor as he ages and matures. meeting izuku and getting punched in the face with some therapy during their match and after that forming close healthy friendships and developing a sense of self outside his family (something dabi never has the opportunity to do) leads him down a healthier path, and he's able to come back to his family after his time away and usurp that power from endeavor. he has the ability to assert his agency and be free of the control and abuse and represents what i think could almost be called a power fantasy for most abused kids. endeavor loses both his power and therefore his control and thus shoto is the one in charge now. he gets to set the boundaries, decide when he answers and when he doesnt, he has fully succeeded in surpsassing endeavor and thus fuffills the role he was born into which gives him the power and freedom to completely eradicate it. he doesnt crave endeavors approval because he's both gotten it and grown past his need for it. shoto doesnt have the anger dabi does because shoto succeeded where dabi failed. shoto wins endeavors acknowlegement and respect, whereas dabi will always be fighting for it while never being able to achieve it

i absolutely headcanon dabi as having aspd, like it just fits so perfect and makes so much sense given everything he's been through and feels. but dabi's entire relationship with endeavor is the closest depiction ive ever seen in my life to my relationship with my dad and the dynamic within my family. my dad purposefully picked out and trapped my mother into childbirth and marriage, i was not born to his standards and despite childhood me desperately wanting and seeking his approval and acknowledgement he tossed me aside and had another son to abuse instead. i hated and resented my brother for much of my childhood and i absolutely tried to hurt him badly on multiple occasions. he represented everything i wanted but could never have, it wasnt fair and i didnt understand why nothing i ever did was good enough and i took that anger and frustration out on someone who was even more powerless than i was. which is a super common thing in abusive households and is often why abused children torture or hurt animals. as children we are powerless to take our anger and frustration out on the peope hurting us so we mimic them and take it out on someone with less power

and so i identify so much with dabi's anger and feelings of betrayal and frustration. the feelings of rejection and shame and all of the things that culminate in his emotions literally burning him alive because they get so out of control. and he never ever gets the acknowlegement he's looking for. endeavor never once acknowleges him and so dabi just burns himself out further and further, pushes himself to every extreme just trying to get absolutely anything out of endeavor. it's such a "if u wont love me i'll make u hate me because then at least u'll feel *anything* for me" mindset that i can understand so well because i felt it so deeply with my own parents. i would act out negatively to get their attention all the time because i was just so desperate for my dad to acknowlege i existed and like my dad is universally known as an asshole so there's at least that but like if i had to live in a world where ppl upheld him as a saint and a savior and there was ppl walking around with fucking merch of his face and he had fanboys i'd probably also go insane and join a terrorist organization and murder 30 innocent people and release a nationally televised manifesto outing his crimes. like dabi was genuinely so valid for that LOL

i cant even keep my mouth shut if someone calls my dad a nice guy, if he was literally up on billboards and the daily news with huge swaths of the world calling him the greatest hero alive i'd absolutely become the joker lakshdgasdklasjkd the rage i would feel would indeed be enough to melt the flesh off my bones like horikoshi was dead right with that one LOL so i really do just love and identify with their whole story and plotline. and like most other things in the manga i dont love the direction they're going with it and the answers hori is trying to give, and frankly at this point while i know narritvely it makes sense for dabi to die because he does represent a stubborn extreme that in real life is not the right ideology or way through ur abuse and so he's realistically not going to ever be able to recover or be saved at this point in the story, because the role of the healthy mindset that can and will heal is shoto, i cant pull myself up out of my own feelings for that one and be okay with it so whenever it happens its gonna be big No Talky Me I Angy hours kjahsdajklsdhjkasd

[sofipitch]

Im really sad that besides the lack of implicit romance. The 1994 version got a lot of loustat and the family dynamic better. Like Lestat still tripping all over his family issues, but I see him trying with Claudia and Louis. And I can imagine, despite Pitt’s lackluster performance (that did sell at least Louis’s depression and detachment) that maybe with reflection there was once something softer there. I don’t know how the show could recover from this. The grey power and morality is so thrown

So I think you meant "explicit" and not "implicit"? That through me for a loop because I was like "you want to go back to queerbait...?"

No but I agree, the IDEAL IWTV in my head is Jacob Anderson as Louis and Tom Cruise as Lestat. TC's Lestat seems genuinely more nuanced in his cruelty and genuinely loves his family BOTH Louis and Claudia.

Brad Pitt as Louis fails not only because he gave like absolutely nothing in most scenes but bc a lot of the complexity surrounding Louis is taken away. Paul's death is more interesting than a rando dead wife and child. BP is a slave owner but that is just like never addressed as "hey this guy is not a good person". JA's Louis running the brothel you see more of that, not only in the confession scene but the fact that POST confession scene that guy keeps running his brothel despite KNOWING that it is wrong. Also in ep 3 when he is facing racist laws preventing his business, there is the idea that he could shut down the Azalea and make some other business. He even says he owns grocery stores and such. Yes it would be loss but maybe he could build a bar, a music club, or even a theater and potentially still employ all the same women. He has a chance to rebrand, yet he digs his heels in, on one hand because of the racism behind what is stopping him, but also the money, based on their convo when Louis makes the "colored only" sign. That is a good an complicated Louis, I can chew on the complexity of that guy for hours. And to me is more accurate to book Louis's grey morality by having him acknowledge his business yet coming up with false ways it's "not that bad" like how in the book Louis is very hands off with his plantation, so he doesn't treat his slaves poorly himself BUT these are ppl potentially being treated badly by the foreman.

JA's Louis also has more signs that is desire to "not kill humans" is false, it takes him years to come to this point and in ep 6 when Lestat asks him to Louis acquieses. In the book it's more complicated, he thinks he is doing it out of morality but modern interviewee Louis admits its simply because Louis wanted to savor working his way up the scala natura of blood. BP's Louis gives 0 reason for his reluctance OR his change from not drinking human blood to doing so. The only scene in the movie where BP's Louis is interesting in this regard is the prostitute scene, where it would have been kinder to kill her quickly than drag it out like Lestat was doing. But why he changed after making Claudia is unclear. In the book it at least gives the explanation that the night with the prostitue's death and Claudia convinced Louis to give up. But in the movie Louis just seems boring due to his pigeonholing of "the moral one" compared to Lestat. JA's Louis is clearly more complex than just "sympathetic good guy" (talking about eps 1-4 I think the mistake of eps 5-6 in regards to Louis is that by making him the victim he is now once again more 2D and anything "bad" he does later can still be scene as a result of his abuse) and there is of course how JA can actually act in comparison to BP. Brad Pitt sure is coasting on that white mediocrity when you compare him to Jacob Anderson.

So yeah best version: 1994 movie family dynamics, explicit queerness,Tom Cruise Lestat, Jacob Anderson Louis. I can't put Kirsten and Bailey (two bad bitches) against each other tho that's unfair

[unpopularwriter25]

Hi can u match me with someone from demon slayer.

Im a blend of sweetness and spontaneity, with a dash of wildness with a large side of indecisivenes. Nerdy to the core, I find solace in the company of my beloved fur babies while immersing myself in the depths of historical fiction or getting lost in whimsical worlds of anime. My love for old movies and music transports me to eras gone by, where I indulge in the nostalgia of retro vibes.

My desire to please others often leads me to put their needs before my own, sometimes leaving me feeling a little overwhelmed and disorganized. Yet, amidst the chaos, I find solace in daydreams, and love of my family.

While I battle occasional bouts of depression and stress, my unwavering dedication to my family keeps me grounded. I channel my emotions into doing things I love, whether through cooking, trying new things or through exploring the complexities of human nature.

With infectious love for life, I try to embody the perfect balance of sweetness, fun, and a hint of mystery.

Hey hey!! Thank you for the request!! I hope you enjoy!!

I ship you with Zenitsu Agatsuma!!

Zenitsu embodies a blend of sweetness and spontaneity, often showing a tender, caring side mixed with moments of sudden bravery and action. Your similar nature would resonate with his personality, creating a dynamic and exciting relationship.

Zenitsu, while not explicitly shown as a nerd, has a deep appreciation for beauty and life’s little pleasures. Your shared love for anime, historical fiction, and old movies would create many opportunities for bonding over shared interests.

Both of you have your battles with stress and depression, and Zenitsu’s own struggles with fear and self-doubt would mean he deeply understands your emotional landscape. You both could support and uplift each other through your shared challenges.

Zenitsu’s gentle and affectionate nature would make him a great companion to your beloved pets. He would enjoy spending time with your fur babies, adding to the sense of family and warmth.

Zenitsu, despite his fears, often finds himself in new and challenging situations. Your shared desire to try new things and explore the complexities of human nature would create an adventurous and growth-oriented dynamic in your relationship.

Zenitsu would deeply appreciate your balance of sweetness and mystery. His adoration for you would shine through in small, meaningful gestures, aligning with your love for intimate moments.

Zenitsu values his friendships deeply and would extend that same loyalty and dedication to your family. His presence would provide a strong support system, grounding you both in shared love and commitment.

Zenitsu’s expressive nature and need for reassurance would complement your own desire to please and care for others. Your mutual dedication to showing love and care would create a nurturing and affectionate relationship.

Zenitsu’s bright and cheerful appearance would contrast nicely with your spontaneous and somewhat wild fashion style. His simple yet endearing aesthetic would complement your retro and varied tastes, creating a visually pleasing and balanced partnership.

[mrtinmtz]

Caught in a conflict

The discovery of the idea of the opposites. In the gnostic, God births son and the mind of son organizes itself through pairs of thoughts. they were seen as an essential part of creation, the story of the fall and redemption tumbles one thing in matter while another thing remains in the celestial realm and the mythopoetic narrative is the restoration of the relationship between the part that's in heaven and the part that now has become lost in the senses and in matter. the opposites are the engine for all psychic energy. war is the father of all things... heraclitus. ideas energies desires. weather systems…the new birth or the new thing in the psyche that comes out of holding the tension of the opposites and allow them to work on one another is called the symbol, it is a non rational new thing that comes about it's not something that you thought up. it will arise out of psyche often as a dream or image. thats the new thing.

Neither one nor the other, but non rational knowing that emerges as a symbol. When we talk about holding on the tension of the opposites, letting two opposites and not need to resolve it one way or the other. one developmental example of that … the kids at an age will discern that they both love and hate their parents. when their able to have a revelatory moment to have both emotions simultaneously, it stops them, highly confusing, but its also a relief.

The tension between thinking and feeling and intuition and sensation.

The idea of paradox, it's better witness to truth than one sided statement, paradox is the natural medium for expressing trans conscious facts. one of our most valued spiritual possessions. psychic facts of real significance are too complex any real Truth will be paradoxical. we do a violence to our own psyche to side with one side of the paradox, we have to let them both be. the ego keeps its integrity only if it does not identify with one of the opposites. the necessary insight is seemingly difficult, over time the discarded attitude grows in power and potency. how one thing actually becomes the other. the pendulum swinging back and forth.

When we identify with one polarity the other one gets projected in shadow. and where is the shadow ni us? somebody discovers their sexuality for the first time in their lives and begin to project on other people some conservative prudery, all of them are prude and im sexually liberated or conversely somebody has integrated an extremely conservative attitude around their own sexuality, their libidness, their erotisism gets locked in the unconscious and then find themselves accusing all kinds of people as sexually inappropriate or somehow dangerous or dark just because their sexuality is kind of out of control. that particular kind of slip that happens around sexuality…

One easy key to all this is to preference the word “And”. because the waking personality has to create some kind of frame to evaluate all the multiple choices we have at any given moment, when i begin to think about language that allows me to define myself, im a highly sexually liberated or sex positive person, i really welcome all of that adventurousness and sometimes i just want to be alone and on to myself, but i don't always want to be seen as a sexually object nor do i always want to perceive other people in sexualized terms, sometimes i want to know who i am away from all of that , and we can have this "and" feeling, that we can have both and in fact we need both, at least a little bit of the opposite in some form that we can imagine or put a toe in so we can have a sense of balance. we have inner brutality, we have inner transgressive stuff going on in us all the time and to acknowledge that is not the same as enacting it and in fact it provides an inoculation against enacting it but if we are one sided and think we good and proper and pure we are self deceived.

There is something in all human beings that crave both and to find examples of that in our own thinking, if we could find the places of war in our lives then we will have the capacity for holding that as an internal energy, we give it space to live in the inner worlds so that it doesn't have to invade the outerworld.

[chloerinee]

This ep of helluva boss was just SO GOOD in terms of propelling Blitzo's character developement forward, especially within the context of the world building of hazbin/heluva canon. Like how Blitzo and Stolas's personalities and their motivations impact their roles in the society they exist in, and by extention, the relationship between the two of them due to the inherent power imbalance of Stolas's status as a royal. Their character arcs both individually and together are shaping up to be extremely interesting! I'll start with a general analysis of both characters and go forward from there.

To start, Stolas is incredibly entitled and definetly suffers from a major superiority complex. It's an interesting contrast to Blitzo's inferiority complex, and to be honest, when you think about it they act as foils to one another in a lot of different respects. While Blitzo is prideful and an incredibly proud individual, there's an underlying note to a lot of his interactions that leaves you with the impression he has a lot of deep seated self-loathing and internalizations of his unloveability (i.e. ep two "does anyone love you blitzo?" "no."); Stolas by comparison, is self aggrandizing and portrays high self esteem and a secure sense of self and what his duty is even while he's in emotional distress (i.e. also in episode two with his lullaby to Octavia when he touches on his disillusionment with love! more on that bit in a sec)

From what I can speculate about Stolas given his portrayal on the show, he appears to be observably shackled to his sense of duty despite the lack of joy it brings him, however he WANTS LOVE. He DESIRES the thrill of that connection. His relationship with Blitzo goes against everything he built his life around (his marriage to Stella, his status as nobility, his responsibilities to safeguard his grimoire) but even despite this he can not help himself. I get the feeling that he may have impulse control issues or perhaps his willingness to just Risk It All speaks to the amount of infatuation he has for Blitzo??? because everytime they are in the same scene, he's just so incredibly elated and constantly vocalizing his desire for Blitzo's presence. He even goes as far to go out of his way to invite Blitzo to things, and introduce him to his daughter! A parent does not do those things lightly- to introduce your child and construct a situation where your 'partner' and your child socialize is a huge deal. On some level, he wants his two favorite people to interact and be introduced to one another, no matter how misguided that is. He did not consider Octavia's feelings or ask if it was what she wanted, only that he had positive memories at Lou Lou Land and he wanted to share that again- this is a show about hell but we've been shown time and time again the humanity and multitudes of emotional depth that the demons in this verse contain. His actions do not make him completely irreprehensible, but instead show that he does indeed have flaws and redeemable qualities despite our first impressions of him at first as a rich fuckboy, and then again as a dorky, well meaning dad with marital issues. His interactions with Blitzo and the other imps of the wrath ring once again recontextualize everything we know about Stolas as a viewer, and I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

Looking at Stolas's lines to Blitzo in episode 5 through the lense of Stolas being an incredibly lonely man (in a presumably, loveless on both sides and open, non-monogamous, arranged marriage), who craves intimacy on an emotional and physical level to the extent that he will extort his assets and risk every facet of his life so that he can have a continuous 'relationship' with someone, I don't think he was intentionally trying to degrade Blitzo (intentionally being the key word here). Which is not to belittle Blitzo's point of view of his experiences with Stolas, as he is totally entitled to how he feels and it stems from a completely valid place based on his socioeconomic standing as an individual in hell. Alternatively though, Stolas is someone born into privilege, therefore he doesn't see how his words come across and how they are percieved by someone in a lower social caste or someone who deals with systematic prejudice. Privilege is having the option to learn about what injustices people suffer because you don't experience them yourself, and that description fits Stolas to a T as it stands.

Stolas doesn't understand Blitzo's struggle, and that is the core of their miscommunication on the nature of their relationship. Blitzo won't allow himself to view the relationship as anything other than transactional for fear of getting his hopes up and being vulnerable by showing his hand in an emotional sense, and then being just another imp taken advantage of by someone higher up (if im reading this motif of imps vs the greater hell caste system right). Blitzo has had to fight tooth and nail for every success he's had, every achievement he's had thus far is hard won and it's so easy to diminish your own accomplishments when you're born into a society that makes you have to work 10x as hard as everyone else in order to be treated as an equal to others doing less and still achieving the same and more. To Stolas, his endearments and tendency towards physical affection is an expression of his fondness towards Blitzo, but he doesn't ever consider how those very same actions come across as demeaning/ belittling/ or acts of microagression that disregard his capability.

Tldr: im so fascinated by these two bastard demon menaces who have contrasting flavors of intimacy issues and can't wait to see what or who they do next???