#IM FEELING KINDS DIZZY SOMETIMES

[thenocturnenarrator]

Me this morning: I’m really tired, I’ll drink some coffee to wake up

Me 30 mins later: I CAN SEE AT X2 SPEED THERE SRE SO MANY SOUNDS I FEAR NOTHING MY HEART BEATS AG THE SPEED OF LIIIIIIIIGHT I AM A GOD I CABT BE DEFEATED I CANT WONT AND HAVE NO INTENTION TO STOP MOVING I WANT TO STAND UP FOREVER I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING FUNNY BUT I HAVE NO THOUGHTS!

CAFFEINE YEEEEEEHAAAAAAW

[lesbiangiratina]

Testament seeing humanity as beneath them at least gears in general but still seeing themself as something less than human desr god i feel like im in a fucking blender right now im sorry for my behavior at the moment

[layalu]

i know i love to gush about outer wilds but full disclosure the first two hours or so i was super frustrated with the game and it took me longer still before i started to fall in love with it lol

[toyherb]

hm. maybe it's my meds but being high doesn't really hold up to the hype

[toastsnaffler]

it's interesting how being medicated has pretty much entirely curbed my sugar addiction. like I dont rly crave it at all, it doesn't even cross my mind and when I do eat sugary things it feels almost too sweet like its just not there...

[nvuy]

Boothill is a “your pleasure is my pleasure” kind of guy do u agree 🎤

mdni. im snatching the mic. i got carried away ty anon for giving me an excuse to ramble about this loser.

he takes pleasing you very seriously. this is serious business. it’s like his day job.

he’s half-convinced he was given a second life just to cross paths with you, so once he’s got you, he’s not letting you go. not for a while, at least. he’s stuck to your hip like glue. wherever you go, he’s most likely right next to you.

he’s always making sure you’re catered to first.

it’s the same in bed.

he’s extremely touch starved, so while he’s got his hand between your legs, he’s also busied himself nuzzling his cheek to yours to feel you helplessly panting against his skin. or, his ear is resting against your heart. whatever works for him in the moment.

he’s absolutely smitten with how warm you get. he’s always, always, pressing himself against you one way or another. just touch all over his face, please and thank you.

he’s all for kisses too. sometimes, when he’s having a bit too much fun, he’ll get all mushy and gross. not that he already isn’t, but it somehow gets worse.

he’ll bite too. not enough to make you bleed, but enough to leave an angry mark for the next few days.

actually, he just nips you all the time. it’s a weird thing he does. don’t point fingers in his face. he’ll try eating them. he’s very strange in that way. sometimes you can be gesturing at nothing while you talk, and if your fingers get too close to his face, he’s trying to nip at them like a teething puppy. you got used to it.

great tongue too. bonus points because it’s actually real. he works his magic with it, but only after you beg enough. you gotta work to get your hands on the merchandise. his mechanics are expensive, so play nice.

if we’re getting into unserious business, the robocock is great fun. it’s got smooth ridges and it’s cold. probably customisable, too. it’s definitely possible, but whether he’s gonna wander up to some poor mechanic and ask them to add some special features… well.

either way, your pleasure is always his priority. his hobbies consist of biting every single exposed expanse of your skin and exploring new ways to make you squirm.

it’s bad enough you having to deal with this lump of steel and scrap—frankly, he doesn’t even understand what’s so appealing about it—but if you enjoy bouncing on his lap, go ahead. do it all night for all he cares. as long as you have that pretty dizzy smile on your face by the end of it all. it makes him melt into a puddle of liquid metal knowing how good he makes you feel.

he’s also VERY susceptible to puppy eyes. they’re your greatest asset, and his biggest weakness.

you figured that out after you pleaded with him to put on these clothes you bought him (and, yep. these clothes have just as many cut outs as his usual attire). you can also use them if you want to do his hair. please convince him to wear it in a high ponytail more. he has such a nice face, and it also stops his neck from overheating. those poor fans need a vacation.

it takes some convincing, especially when you show him the hair tie is actually a red sparkly ribbon. you’re going to ruin his tough guy persona. but he’ll drop anything for you, so he’ll comply. on the condition that you give him smooches afterwards. it’s also an excuse for him to indulge in how your fingers feel against his scalp.

puppy eyes, crying, begging, whatever, usually get people he’s apprehended nowhere. he doesn’t care for theatrics. not at all. a criminal is a criminal at the end of the day.

but you? aww, how can he say no to your angel eyes? wanna fuck his face? you didn’t even have to ask! just watch the teeth. and feel free to pull his hair. wanna ride him until he short circuits? sure! if you can keep up. he’s all yours.

and when you’re done, his aftercare consists of coddling and pinching your cheeks. he’ll prattle on about nothing. the subject will change to gushing over how pretty you look in his bed, to the weather tomorrow, to how he misses the taste of spaghetti. he’ll even kiss all over the marks he’s left on you. probably kicks his feet too.

he’s still so energetic it’s mind-baffling. he’s so casual about it too, acting as if he didn’t beg for you to cum on his face just ten minutes ago.

but that’s robot stamina for you. or maybe it’s just a boothill thing. who knows?

after a while he’ll calm down. i still haven't decided if he can sleep, but once you’ve fallen asleep, he’ll lay next to you and draw patterns on the nape of your neck with his fingers.

[talaok]

Okay, so I have a cute idea. Pedro and reader go to a bar and accidentally drink a little more than they wanted to, and now they are walking home together, leaning on one another and giggling the whole way. Maybe they have their first kiss or something. idk, im giving you creative freedom on the last part.

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x reader

a/n: cutest request award

that last glass of wine had had its effect

Your brain felt lighter, like the crimson liquid had relieved some of the effort from your head

Your vision was fuzzier, unfocused in that familiar way as a soft buzz flowed into your ear

The pavement ahead was still damp with rain, and some water had gotten into your shoes, but you didn't care, you didn't care as you leaned onto Pedro, onto his strong, warm arm, as you looked up at his own glossy eyes, veiled by that sheer cloak of alcohol flowing through his veins

He was still laughing at something you'd said, and you didn't even realize that you were doing the same,

You couldn't even remember what the joke was. Something about... rain or... something

"We're gonna regret this tomorrow" he said, amusement still spilling from his lips

"I'm sure you will, old man" you snorted, hiding your face into his arm to shield from his reaction

"Old man huh?" he chuckled "Is that the way to talk to your elderly?"

"oh please" you snorted, smiling up at him as he feigned offense "I'm sorry sir, that was very rude of me, please forgive me"

The corners of his mouth twitched into a soft grin

"With that smile, I don't think anyone could ever not forgive you, sweetheart"

He did that sometimes, said something sweet that made you forget all about what your lungs were made for

Once again, you shielded your heating face from him by nestling impossibly close to him, feeling his warmth seep into you

He had a body that made hell seem cold

"You're a douchba-"

but before you could speak the very kind words you were about to speak, you had taken a step and found yourself ankle-deep into something that upon closer inspection, was indeed a puddle

You had stepped into a puddle.

Your feet were drenched

You-

You burst out laughing

"oh my god- sugar" Pedro was gripping your arm, bringing you back to dry land as he stifled the need to laugh too

"I-"

You were pretty sure you were about to pee yourself from how hard you were laughing, your eyes were shut close, you had one hand on your face and one on Pedro and then-

and then your feet stopped touching the ground

"Wha-" 

He had picked you up, bridal style, and all you could do was swing your arms around his neck as a reflex "what are you doing?"

"it's clear you're in no condition to walk, so I'm taking matters into my own hands"

And he said it so calmly too, like it was the most obvious thing in the word

"you're taking matters into your own hands?" you mocked, cocking a brow as you bit your bottom lip to try not to laugh

"I am" he nodded,

"You're gonna carry me all the way to the hotel?" you couldn't help but smile now,

smile with amusement and joy and drunkness and... and something else

"What, you think I'm too old for that too?"

You snorted now, your head falling to his chest 

"maybe" you mumbled, your mouth on his steel pecs as you looked up at him

And there was something in that, in all this- not in the fact that he was carrying you like a damsel in distress, not the fact that you were dizzy, not in any of that- there was something in the intimacy of this moment, of the lightness that came with it, how natural it all felt, how... perfect it felt

And he felt it too, you could see in his eyes, that he too had felt time stop, the entire world stop to let you have this moment, this precious instant

"y/n-"

But your lips were already on his, your lips were already on his and nothing mattered anymore as he gripped your shoulder to push you incredibly closer to him, wishing he could engulf you and never let you go, praying for this moment to never end

finally

the only word inside both your heads

finally

He was such a good kisser, his mouth, his beard, his lips, his everything just-

The problem was that he thought the same about you, and maybe if you'd been less of a good kisser, or if only he hadn't spent the last six months fantasizing about this... then maybe he wouldn't have dropped you

"shit-"

Well not really dropped you, he just... forgot to hold your legs, that's all

Only of course, he was there to rescue you as your feet hit the ground, making sure you didn't fall

A soft, honest laugh rumbled from your chest as you dropped your forehead to his

"I'm sorry" he murmured, his hands on your waist "I- I got- distracted"

Again, you could only laugh, this time as he joined

"you got distracted?"

"Yeah" he chuckled

"wanna get distracted again?" you smirked, watching his eyes pan to your lips

"please"

[phfenomena]

❝in that lavender haze❞ || tom blyth x f!reader

| request- hear me out! lavender haze with tom 🤭

| A/N- done and done. im hearing you out and im listening so hard. i’ve been high probably like hundreds of times but still cannot properly word it sorry 💔

| WARNINGS- marijuana consumption (mega slay), kissing, eating, wine, tiktok, tooth rotting fluff,

(divider by @benkeibear)

the feeling of your lungs being filled with smoke made you giddy, everything with sharp edges turning soft and fuzzy. coughing lightly at the larger hit you’d taken you passed the blunt to your left, to tom.

your eyes fixed on the way his lips wrapped around it and the way he closed his eyes at the sensation. your hopeless crush on your mutual friend with rachel had been developing for months, seeing him at every gathering and meet up.

he was fairly nice and polite, the true english way. you just wished he’d converse with you, more than small talk. you’re laying on your back on the floor and studying the swirling patterns on the ceiling. out of your peripheral vision you see tom lay down next to you.

staring at the ceiling with you, you don’t ever say too much. and you don’t really read into my melancholia.

“you don’t have much to say, do you?” you question into the air hoping that tom would cling on. he hums and says “yeah, i don’t know what you like or what you don’t like so i jus’ say nothing.” you turn your head to face him- all caution thrown to the wind. you find it hard to care about your words in your state. “when i first met you i thought you hated me, you wouldn’t talk to me like how you talked to everyone else. thought i might’ve done something. sometimes i still think that.” you confess and it hangs lowly over both of you.

“i was honestly kind of scared of you. in my head you’re this cool actress who does slashers and everyone loves her. i didn’t wanna say the wrong thing.” you smile and place your hand on your chest. “you think i’m cool? i think you’re cooler, tom.”

his eyes crinkle when he laughs and you love it. you find it hard to decipher where the high ends and where how tom makes you feel starts, but they’re mixing. “i think you’re really cool. you do these cool like artistic horror movies and i’m kind of obsessed with your acting.”

i find it dizzying, they’re bringing up my history. but you aren’t even listening.

the group on the couch and chairs above you pass a bottle of wine and finish off the blunt. your friend laughs loudly and you turn to look at him. “do you remember that time last year when you dated the like entire cast of that one movie? what’s it called? i can’t remember. that was funny as shit.” you cringe and cover your face trying to forget.

tom lightly grazes your shoulder with his finger and whispers “are you hungry? i really want pizza right now.” you smile and nod. he wasn’t going to ask about your questionable past times. he pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you. “i can’t function enough to order pizza, could you do it?” you happily nod and scroll your way through the menu before you both agree on toppings you both like.

i just wanna stay in that lavender haze. talk your talk and go viral, i just need this love spiral.

the pair had found themselves in a corner, talking and giggling over pizza whilst telling stories. “yeah! and she kept asking when i was going to settle down and get married. during an interview for a horror movie.” tom shakes his head and laughs. “i couldn’t get through one promo or interview without someone showing me at-least one edit of me. it was torture.” you pull your phone out and show him how edits of him had filled your timeline.

“you’re literally everywhere. i’m not complaining but sometimes i want to see something else!” he picks his phone up and shows your his own home page. “i’m sorry i ruined your tiktok, but this might make up for it.” his entire for you page was filled with edits of you and you co-stars from your latest movie.

you laugh and watch them “i had no idea people made edits of me, i feel honored. it’s like a right of passage.” he sets his phone down as well as his pizza. “they only the use the same ten clips of you covered in blood, i need more content.” you place you own pizza down and lean towards him.

“do you wanna know a secret i’m not supposed to tell anyone?” he nods and leans closer. “i’m gonna in the next scream movie and i’m one of the ghostface’s, you’re gonna see me murdering on the big screen.” he raises his eyebrows and you barley take into account how close your faces are.

“i love everything you’re in. when i first met you, i went home and watched everything you’ve done.” he confesses with a smile and red eyes. “i did the exact same thing, rachel told me i was creepy! we���re like each others biggest fans.”

get it off your chest, get it off my desk. that lavender haze, i just wanna stay.

you’re sitting in the bathtub of your bathroom passing a blunt back and forth between you and tom. “it’s so much quieter in here, i love them but they’re so loud.” you say leaning your head back on the tile. he softly chuckles and looks at you. “i can’t believe we could’ve been hanging out for months, i should’ve just talked to you.” you smile and set the blunt in the ashtray you brought with you.

“yeah but where’s the fun in that? this is probably the best night i’ve had in a while.” you turn to look at him and you study his features. you’ve never had a chance to really look at him, your glossy eyes try to memorize each slope and curve of his face.

“can i kiss you?” you whisper out before even realizing you’ve said it. he mutters a small ‘yes’ and you’re leaning in, like your body’s on autopilot. he tastes like weed and pizza, you couldn’t find a bone in your body that cared. you sluggishly manage to inch onto his lap. “you’re so pretty.” he whispers in between kisses. his hands find purchase on your waist, not letting you even dream of getting off of him.

you reluctantly pull back and his lips chase yours. “do you wanna hang out tomorrow?” you ask him with a smile. “i would be honored, maybe i’ll take you out on a real date.” his hands are rubbing small circles on your waist. “the press is gonna love that one.” you mutter out before leaning back into him.

[base0h]

asl trio when there s/o doesnt say ily back please? also i luv ur writingg!

a/n - why do I feel like Sabo would just start sobbing. 😭 also I’m adding shanks bec why not 💜

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, Sabo sobbing for 15 minutes straight

You’re supposed to say it back

- I imagine that shanks wouldn’t really let you get away with it 👀

- “Bye baby! I’m just gonna go to the town to buy some things before we leave. Benn and Roux will help me if I need it.”

- Shanks tenderly hugged you to his chest and pressed a kiss on your forehead, “I love you, I miss you already.”

- “You’re still holding me.”

- You waved goodbye to him, starting to walk away while purposely not saying I love you back to him. You thought it’d be funny to see his reaction

- He grabbed your wrist gently, “Hm- you’re forgetting something?”

- “what?? I have my bag, weapon, and a jacket.. Im not forgetting anything!” You feigned innocence, and you could see his expression dropping down

- depression surrounded the emperor as he slouched over, almost pouting at you, very impatiently waiting for you to say it back to him (before he threw a temper tantrum)

- you laughed, god he was such a baby sometimes

- “I love you too shanks.”

- his face lit up again, and he pressed his lips to yours, holding the back of your neck softly with his rough hand

- “You were hurting my feelings for a second.”

- “It would’ve hurt more than when my arm got bitten off.” 💀

- The amount of times Luffy says “I love you” throughout the day is sometimes amazing

- when you get up in the morning, “I love you y/n!”

- breakfast: love you!! (Gimme your food)

- randomly walking in on him taking a shit: oh hi y/n! I love youuuuu!

- yeah you get the point 😭

- and you never fail to always tell him that you love him too

- except for today, you thought it’d be funny to see how he reacted

- it was time to go to the town with Nami and Robin, and of course, luffy wanted to go with you guys

- “Luffy- just stay on the ship this time! I’ll bring you some meat back, k?”

- “Ok- fine.. Love you y/n!”

- he always gives you little kisses on both of your cheeks before you go (pls help I’m sobbing 😭💜)

- “Bye Lu :)”

- Even robin was a bit shocked, you didn’t say it back

- hell, zoro even opened his other eye and sanji lifted his bangs up to look at you

- you started walking, and Nami was concerned, did something happen between the two of you???

- “Luffy.. Did you do something bad?” Usopp asked with a wince, whispering in his ear

- Luffy looked angry, but sad, but hungry, but confused

- “Y/NNNNN! Why didn’t you say it back?!”

- You looked back with fake confusion on your face, “I said I love you!” -Luffy

- “I know!! I Heard you! Bye!”

- man sprinted over to you and shook you by the shoulders, smothering you with hugs and kisses

- “SAY IT BACK!”

- You were getting dizzy, so you gave up, “Ok ok! It was a joke calm down- I love you Luffy.”

- he laughed, “Shishishi~ love you too! Please bring back a lot of meat!”

- lesson learned, you never did that again

- ace is the perfect definition of a golden retriever boyfriend

- he needs constant love and affection, and when he doesn’t get it, he kind of melts down in a sense (I JUST REALIZED THATS KIND OF A JOKE)

- “Y/n! Be careful please k? Love you.” He said, pecking your cheek before you nodded with a smile, waving goodbye to him

- Was he going insane? You said that you loved him back right?

- “Hey pops- did y/n say they loved me back?”

- “…”

- Marco was desperately trying to tell Whitebeard to just say that you did so ace wouldn’t go into overthinking panic mode, but the poor guy didn’t seem to understand the frantic hand motions

- “Uh. No?”

- “POPS.” -Marco

- ace started to panic, what did he do today?!

- you both woke up at 2pm, cuddled for another hour, ate food together.. He fell asleep on your lap.. he was writing a letter to Luffy.

- wait. he was writing a letter to Luffy.. AND MAYBE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS TO SOMEONE ELSE?!

- he sprinted after you, tripping over every single rock in his path, pebbles and all

- he skidded in front of you, panting, “Y/n! I promise I was writing a letter to Luffy, not anyone else! I only love you ok? Please believe me- I’m sorry for not telling you!”

- you were concerned and felt bad that your little prank spiraled down into this-

- “Ace it was a little joke- I wanted to see how you reacted. I’m sorry baby- I love you so much k?”

- you ended up taking him shopping with you, and you had a 6ft tall fire golden retriever running around and grabbing things he through reminded him of you 🥺🥺

- sabo was about to head off to report to dragon, and he was giving you a hug and soft kisses before he left

- “I love you y/n, I’ll be back soon.” He said softly, moving your hair behind your ear

- “Ok, good luck sabo, i know you’ll do great!”

- he was a bit taken aback because he could’ve sworn that you didn’t… Say that you loved him back?

- he waved goodbye with the same expression written on his face the entirety of his walk to Dragon’s office

- “Sabo? You ok?” -koala

- He just started crying, and Koala had to bring tissues to try and calm him down

- he was fanning his face, his eyes puffy and his nose punk from wiping the snot away so many times

- “I don’t know- *sniffle* what I did! Y/n didn’t say “i love you” back to me- *sniffle*”

- pls he’s sobbing rn

- “Koala have you seen Sabo-?” -dragon

- dragon had never left the room so fast (he left faster than when he left Luffy)

- man forgot about the whole meeting- he’s never seen Sabo cry like this before! What the hell did you do??

- “Sabo- im sure y/n loves you! Maybe they just forgot or didn’t hear you?”

- you ended up following the sounds of muffled sobs and had to comfort your poor boyfriend for about 20 minutes before he stopped crying

- “I’m sorry Sabo- I didn’t mean to make you feel bad! It was just a joke.. I love you so much ok?”

- *sniffle* “Now everyone saw me crying- this is embarrassing.”

- he’s now just nuzzling into your chest for comfort, and you decided to never do this prank again because god this was painful

- seeing him cry like that hurt your soul 😭

a/n - tagging @figgydooo bec I saw your ask 💜💜

[d0g0r0t]

Bc Toby is literally my bbg you should totally write him with an s/o who takes care of him and is just super nice to him and, it can be sfw or nsfw I don't really mind either

(I'll give you a cookie pls I'm not normal abt him༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ)

Toby x caring reader

TW: NSFW

He wasn't really sure how to process your kindness at first. He couldn't tell if you were faking it or not

But over time when he realized you were true his heart melt

He would be supper shy and awkward around you cause you were so sweet and kind

You would do the littlest things for him and he would look at you like an angle while your doing it

Asking you for things was so easy yet so hard. He knew he could ask you for anything but he was so nervous around you.

You were just so... nice..

He didn't deserve you.. all the things he's done and he gets you? You were to good for him

He's never experienced someone like you. You reminded him of his sister and your kind nature. It made him dizzy with emotions

Even your name sounded so sweet

He would try his best to keep his tics under control PRAYING he doesn't hurt you and bruise your beautiful skin

Sometimes when you two are alone he gets really sappy. Leaning into you, digging his face in your chest, wrapping himself completely around you as your fingers run threw his thick curls

He feels bad when you do simple things for him that any human should do. Brush his hair, help him remember to take a shower or brush his teeth, cook for him

He feels like he's almost using you and he just sinks into himself but after you told him you want to he felt a little better

The moment he sees anyone get even a little rude with you he's on them like a dog, screaming and barking at them. Stepping in between you guys and growling like a protective hound.

The moment their delt with he's getting on your level and using the softest tone asking if your ok and if you need anything

He pushes his emotions back alot until he blows up. But he never snaps at you, he just can't. He'll get really needy if he does show you a bit of aggression. He's at your knees and whimpering how sorry he is for just feeling the wrong thing even tho you have no idea what he's on about

He gets really jealous when he sees you being nice to other people but doesn't step in knowing your nature and your need to care for others

___________________________________________

NSFW

The first time you two got intimate he was literally TREMBLING.

He was scared he might get to rough and accidentally go to far

When you guys were in bed he just stared at you for a few moments trying to process a girl like you under him like this

When he started up he was already whining and whimpering. He was shaking trying not to grip at you to harshly

But over time he has himself wrapped around you moaning in your ear as he pounds himself into you

He's fucks you at a steady pace not going to fast or to slow unless you tell him to

His hips would buck every now and again as he feels your heat squeeze his member letting out desperate whimpers

He rips the sheets from how hard his gripping them as he watches you ride him because he would rather tare the sheets then your skin

Watching you do such acts on him makes him completely red in the face and his body flush and heat up like crazy.

After he finishes he let's out a little gasped and apologizes for cumming so soon and not letting you finish

He will DESTROY his body until you cum to

He's not letting you go unsatisfied after what you've done for him

___________________________________________

IM SORRY IM GETTING THESE OUT SO SLOW ONFG!(#;@[*$[!%

[graysnetwork]

HAVING KEEGAN AS UR BROTHERS BSF

IM HAVING THOUGHTS RN

CHAPTER |

BROTHERS BEST FRIEND — Keegan Russ X fem!Reader

Notes— he will now become a character in my heart and in my blog bc I love him. And so will the friend in this story.

Info: it’s cannon for me to believe his character drives a Mercedes. he has black hair. He’s got red cheeks (I’ll probably post a pic of what I’m thinking of) idk if it’s like Rosacea but I think it’s smtg he would probably have. Keegan’s three years older than you, (your a sophomore and he’s a senior). Idk if you can tell… but this is totally ooc and set in like this time.

Warnings: none!

Summary: you’ve been crushing on Keegan for years now and he has been too.

Your brother was a pain in the ass, so annoying, But. His best friend on the other hand, was so kind to you, and handsome.

Keegan had been your brothers “best friend” for about 5 years now. They’d been friends since middle school and now they were going to graduate, Keegan was apart of the family at this point, he’d stayed at your house for so long that he would come in unannounced and go into anyone’s bedroom, parents included.

Sometimes he’d go into everyone’s rooms just to say “goodnight”, which was really funny, especially when you were a kid.

For instance, he was staying the night at your family’s home, and you were going to say goodnight to your parents but you got anxious because it was late at night, so he grabbed your hand and said goodnight with you so you wouldn’t be alone.

Keegan seemed to like caring for you, he always took the blame when you did something stupid, he’d say “oh I told her to do it, I’m sorry”

He just did it and never asked for a thank you back from you, he enjoyed taking care of you. And as you got older, all the things he did for you made you feel all warm and giddy inside. He was so sweet, how could you not have a crush on him. And when he came over and got in the pool, it made you feel all dizzy seeing him without a shirt.

And he wasn’t big on dating, he dated some girls throughout his whole five years of high school, but he never stayed for long, mostly because he couldn’t make enough time for them due to all the football practice he had.

But Keegan loved you,he always made time for you. he always liked you but once you got older, got in high school, hit puberty, he became more attracted to you, in ways he couldn’t tell your brother.

Anytime your brother asked him “do you like anyone?” Keegan just had to deny everything saying that he didn’t, and even when the blush on his cheeks was apparent he’d still say “nah, I’m waiting for the pretty girls in college” just so your brother could hop off his dick already.

But he couldn’t ask you to date him, or take you out randomly, that’d be weird, and your brother would most definitely get mad at him, and you. So safe to say that he wasn’t going to be taking you out. Plus he thought that you probably liked another guy in the school, not him— a muscular, black haired, tall, handsome man.

He was graduating soon, he was gonna go off to university and get some sort of degree, so what would be the point of dating him if he was going to leave.

—

Now it was a normal Friday night, the night that your family would spend time together, something that you all enjoyed, especially after a busy week of studying, work, ECT. It was something you looked forward to, and sometimes Keegan joined in if he wasn’t with his family.

Today in particular, he wasn’t with them, he was with you. The two of you were heading to the store to go buy some snacks that you and your family wanted. He was talking about what his family was doing that he decided to not join in on today.

“Yeah, they were saying something about this new small…. Art museu-” he tried to remember “museum, yeah I’ve heard of it, seems really nice, I- I mean I dunno if you’d enjoy it, but it really does seem cool” you finished his sentence and began explaining how cute it looked. Keegan smiled to himself listening to you talk about some art that they had.

He didn’t want to go to this museum with his family, but if you wanted to or offered to take him he’d gladly say yes, just to see that cute smile on your face.

Once he got into the parking lot of the store he turned off the car after parking, and while you were still talking about the art to get your mind off him being so close to you, he just gazed at you, his head tilting a little when you turned to face him.

He thought you looked so cute when you talked about things you loved or were passionate about.

“Cmon kid” Keegan told you as he grabbed the keys and hopped out the car. Kid was always his nickname for you, but it always made you feel so much younger than him and like he only saw you as a sister or family.

The two of you walked around the store, for a while before heading to the candy aisle, you two looked at the snack section and ended with grabbing some chips and cookies. Then you went to the candy aisle as Keegan held all the snack for you, that’s when you spotted your friend.

“Y/n!” She said running down the aisle to hug you. “Hii” she said as she hugged you tightly, “hey, what are you doing here” you asked and she pulled away as her brother came up behind her, “we were just getting snack-” Kim tried to say but her brother cut her off “cause she’s annoying and won’t shut up about these chocolates” he said, you giggled

And Keegan suddenly got all jealous, and a little self conscious, like he was back in middle school and he saw the girl he had a crush on talking to another guy.

“Seems like her” you said and your friend nudged you before taking in the sight of Keegan’s tall figure behind you. “And what are you two doin here?” She asked with a smirk appearing on her face.

She knew how much you liked Keegan, she was who listened to you talk about a small interaction you had with Keegan, and she fed into your delusions.

“W-we’re just getting snacks for movie night” you said, you stared at her and her brother with an annoyed face, her brother also knew you liked Keegan, which helped out because he had some classes with him.

“Yeah” Keegan said and stared dead at Kim’s brother, he looked like he wanted to kill him, and if looks could kills, he would’ve been dead the minute you started giggling.

“Well that’s cutee” kim said smirking even more now, and it was just a matter of time before you could smack her when you saw her in private. “Anyways, let’s go!” Kim told her brother and they turned around and walked out the aisle.

“She’s something, isn’t she” Keegan said turning back to you as you walked to the candy’s. “Yeah, definitely” you smiled back at him and looked at the shelf of chocolates. “Uh.. that was her, brother?” He asked, he wanted to know if you liked him in any way.

“Yeah, he’s like my brother at this point” you said chuckling. “Cool” he said and looked around the aisle.

—

The two of you got in the car, placing the bags down at your feet. He started the car and began pulling out of the parking spot. He was quiet now, Keegan’s not loud or anything, he never has been. but he’s never this silent, you didn’t want to question it as he turned up the volume to the radio.

“So” he cleared his throat “Kim’s.. brother, no feelings for him right?” He asked slowly as he swallowed his saliva, “yeah” you told him— the question didn’t seem odd to you, Keegan’s always been protective of you since he was older than you. But he seemed annoyed.

“Hm, why?” You smiled as you turned your head to look at him “you jealous?” You chuckled a bit before he looked at you with an annoyed expression. “was kidding, sorry” you explained quietly and turned back to the road ahead as you approached a stoplight.

“y’shouldnt be liking or dating anyone in the first place” he said, “yeah my brother would probably kill me” you giggled.

“I know someone you could date n’you wouldn’t be killed for it” he said.

[dinsdjrn]

gone, from austin | j. miller | part one

pre-outbreak!Joel x f!reader

18+, a brother's best friend story

summary: Joel Miller: the one that got away; right person, wrong time. Now you’re back in Austin and it hurts just as bad, as if you’d never left five years ago

wc: 3.1k

warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, no use of y/n, Sarah is alive and well, female reader, young!joel is an assshole (but not rlly), brothers best friend, ex-lovers to lovers (eventually), f! mc has unresolved trauma, implied cheating (not joel), slow burn, eventual smut, angsty at first, proof-read but i have not a clue what im doing. let me know if i missed anything <3

💌 a/n: not new to fic, but it's been a hot minute so please be kind <3 i am very nervous to post this but i'm posting it for me to share my joy and daydreaming with you. If youd like to be added to a tag list when i update lmk <3

next part | masterlist

Part One | April 2002 

“I’ve gotta heal myself from all the things I’ve never felt”

Life is disappointing. Accepting that aspirations and dreams aren’t the reality you face, it’s hard. Sometimes it’s even harder to accept that things can fall apart in the blink of an eye; you just have to move on. You are someone who things didn’t work out for and you understood that now. It was painful, numbing, and deserved; where ever you went destruction was sure to follow. 

You’ve accepted that in the blink of an eye your life had fallen apart once again. That was a given. What was unexpected was returning to the town that built you up and broke your heart. When you moved to Toronto, you swore you were done with Austin. Yet, here you were, stepping on the escalator at Austin airport your entire life in a few bags waiting at the carousel bay below. 

As you descended, the baggage claim came into view so did your twin brother with a massive “Welcome Home!” poster board that had your name on it. 

A smile couldn’t help but spread over your features, as defeated as you felt, your brother always knew how to make you smile. 

“Hey, I’ve missed you,” you say as your brother wraps you in a massive bear hug. 

“I’ve missed you too,” relief present in his voice. 

The buzzer on the baggage carousel sounded which pulled you from the hug that you didn’t know you needed. 

“I’ll get my bags and then we can be on our way,” 

Your bags came a few minutes later, you and your brother each took one. 

As you stepped into the car, a silence fell between you, neither really knowing what to say. You hadn’t been home in years and there was a sinking in your chest and darkness dawned on you. The past few days had been a whirlwind of anguish, it was dizzying how rushed you were to leave your life in Toronto. Nothing had time to sink in, until now, until you were back feeling the exact same heartbreak that pushed you to leave. You felt as if you had taken one step forward and three steps back. 

The car was quiet, Jake clearly didn’t know what to say, and you clearly didn’t want to talk about it. 

“Thanks for letting me stay with you and Kels,” you said after about ten minutes of brutal silence, “I promise it’s temporary, once I’m back on my feet I’ll be out of your hair.” 

“No worries, you can stay as long as you’d like, you know,”

Staying was never your plan. Austin may have been home once, but that was was a long time ago. The reasons you left may not outweigh the reason you came back, but this wasn’t long term. Too much pain wrapped your heart like a brick wall to stay for very long. That wall was taken apart piece by piece over the past over the past five years and put back up so quickly in the last thirty-six hours. 

“Thanks,” you forced a small smile on your face.

More silence. More time alone with yourself, more time to believe that you deserved this pain, these hardships. 

What did I do to make things fall apart? I thought we were happy. I thought I was building my life. You thought to yourself. 

“So I should let you know,” Jake started pulling you from your thoughts, “the Stars made it to the playoffs and I’ve invited Tommy, Joel and Sarah over to watch the game tonight.” 

Joel. You thought to yourself. You knew he’d be unavoidable, but you didn’t think it would be an immediate turnaround, close proximity,  kind of deal. Maybe a wave from the driveway or neighbourhood cookout first, but you guessed wrong.

“Oh.” 

“Look I know it’s,” he paused “Complicated for you right now, but being with familiar people might be good for you.” 

“Always the therapist,” you scoffed. 

It might be good for you to be near Kelsey, Jake, Tommy and Sarah, but Joel. There was so much history there, so many unresolved questions and feelings. Five years had passed, but the flesh wound he had left on your heart was fresh as the day you had left.  

“I’d’ve ended things anyway, darlin’! So you may as well just leave, go to Canada, start over!” The words burned into your skull. They had made it so easy to leave and so hard to come back. 

You had never explained to Jake what happened between you and Joel, just that things hadn’t worked out. They hadn’t worked out, but their friendship was more important than simply “not working out”. You insisted your breakup wouldn’t affect their friendship and you were leaving anyways, so what would it matter. 

Arriving at your brothers place you were greeted by another bear hug from your sister-in-law, Kelsey.  She was kind hearted, gentle, and charismatic, just like Jake. They acted like they were made for another, and maybe they were. You weren’t one to be envious normally, but life didn’t work out for you the way it had for them; so a small twinge at your heart wasn’t out of place. 

Though you had known this house like the back of your hand years ago, Amy still showed you to your room. This house had belonged toyour parents in the 80’s, and when they decided to move to Florida full-time they had offered it to your brother to start his family. Kelsey and Jake did a full renovation a few years ago bringing the house into the twenty-first century. It was nice, but it lacked the comfort you had once known. 

“Thank you Kels, really, I appreciate everything,” You said to Kelsey when she had returned from getting fresh towels for the ensuite. 

“Hey, anything you need. That’s what family’s are for.” She smiled softly at you. 

“Are you going to come down for dinner and the game? Jake is so excited that you’re here, and Sarah can’t wait to see you!”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet,” you cleared your throat awkwardly. 

“Are you sure it’s not because you’ve been brainwashed to a secret Leaf’s fan?” Kels pointed at you. 

You laughed. It surprised you but felt good to laugh things off as if nothing had changed. 

“I don’t think I could ever be brainwashed to like hockey, Kels,” 

“I hear that sis,” She laughed with you, “I’m just in it for Joel’s wings and the beer honestly.”

“If I remember correctly he makes ‘the best barbecue in Austin’,”  you mocked Jake’s tone. 

Kelsey leaned on the door and chuckled until you fell into a comfortable silence. 

“We’ve all missed you,” She sighed. 

“I’ve missed y’all.” 

“Y’all!” She exclaimed startling you, “I knew there was still a country girl left in you!” 

You rolled your eyes in her direction. You can take the girl out of Texas but you can’t take Texas out of the girl. You’d lost a few of your Texas-isms but there would always be a little twang here and there. 

“Join us tonight, please? For me and Jake?” She pressed. 

“Oh fine,” you gave in, there were vert few people you could not say no to. Kelsey was one of them, and you’re certain both her and Jake knew that.

“Perfect! Games at 7:30. That gives you about an hour to get settled in.” 

Kels then left you to get organized. You had put away some essentials in the bathroom and were going to try and put away some clothes before heading downstairs. Kelsey and Jake had put a new dresser in but had left the knick-knacks and photos you left behind on top. The one that caught your eye was from seven years ago, you and a little girl with the curliest brown hair and biggest smile were sat together on a kayak in the middle of a river. That had been one of the best weekends of your life.

Sarah couldn’t have been more than five years old, she insisted that you come with her and Joel camping. You were exhausted after coming off a string of night shifts at the hospital and fully intended on staying home. You’d told Joel just prior that you would see them as soon as they got back, but how could you say no to Sarah. She had you wrapped around her finger, and she knew it too.  So you packed a bag and off you went camping with Sarah and Joel. You were so grateful you had decided to go. Between fun on the lake with Sarah, and stolen midnight kisses by the campfire with Joel, it had been exactly what you needed at the time. 

You put the frame face down on the dresser. So much historic pain surrounded your heart being back here in Austin. So much fresh pain surrounded your heart from the events that pushed you back here.  It was suffocating, and somehow being alone made it so much worse. You wished that it would subside, leave a dull numbness that was familiar to you. Instead it clenched and twisted in the pit of your stomach, leaving you more nauseated than when you arrived. 

You checked the clock and realized that nearly forty-five minutes had passed since you started unpacking. You changed quickly out of your plane clothes into something a little less stale, went to the bathroom and splashed some water on your face before heading downstairs to the kitchen. 

“There she is!” Jake exclaimed. 

“Feeling better?” Kelsey asked, offering you a Stella.

You accepted the beer with a smile.

“Big time, planes always make me feel like shit,” you laughed. 

Just then the doorbell rang and you heard the front door open. 

“Put your clothes on kids!” You heard a familiar voice yell. 

“Tommy!” Your brother exclaimed and walked out of the kitchen.  

“Oh my god!” You heard someone yell, “You’re here!” 

You turned around, and the curly haired little girl with the killer smile you once knew, wasn’t so little anymore. 

“Hey kiddo!”

She ran up to you throwing her bag next to the island and wrapping her arms around your middle. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be here today!” 

“It was a bit last minute,” you laughed and squeezed Sarah.

“How long are you here for?” She asked looking up at you.

“We’ll see kiddo. I’ve got a few things to sort out here, so I’ll be around.” 

“Oh hey, stranger!” Tommy yelled as he walked into the kitchen carrying a two four of beers. 

“Oh hey,” you gave a small wave. 

“Nuh-uh Toronto, that’s not how we do thing here. C’mere give me a hug,” 

You laughed at and embraced Tommy in a hug. It felt comfortable, like you were with people you had known your whole life at least for the parts that mattered. 

You felt like someones eyes were burning into the back of your head when you released Tommy from the friendly embrace. A small cough came from the entrance to the kitchen. 

You turned around and felt the wind get knocked out of you. There was Joel in all this glory, he looked older than the last time you had seen him. The lines on his face were a little more prominent and he looked a bit more tired, but god he was attractive. He was tall and lean, but still looked strong and kind. It’s hard to not fall in love with him all over again. But to fall in love with him again, just acts as a reminder that he would leave you so easily again. 

“Dad can you believe it?!” Sarah exclaimed, stating she felt like you hadn’t been home in forever. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” Jake said, “You’ve rendered this jack ass speechless.” 

He slapped his best friend across the shoulder only to receive a small shove back. 

“Shut up would ya?” Joel said. 

“I don’t know about y’all, but I’m hungry and puck drop is in five minutes,” Kelsey said, promptly changing the subject from you. 

Everyone then fell into a comfortable conversation about hockey without you. Tommy and Joel had put out containers of barbecue and everyone was grabbing a plate. You were intensely uncomfortable and felt out a bit out of place. 

You insisted everyone grab a plate before you so they didn’t miss out on any of the game. Once everyone had moved to the living room you shakily grabbed a plate of food. Still rattled by the ghosts of your past and events of the past few days you weren’t too hungry, but you knew your brother and he’s be the first to comment you needed to eat something. He was always so worried about you, even when you were thousands of miles away. 

You brought your plate to the living room and sat in the only available seat remaining next to Sarah, on the couch. 

“So,” Tommy looked at you from the T.V., “is that boyfriend of yours going to be makin’ an appearance?” 

Jake shot him a look. 

“What?!” He laughed. “Just gotta know when I should avoid coming over is all,” He put his hands up in defense. 

“We, uh, we actually broke up not too long ago,” you cleared your throat uncomfortably.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” 

“It’s alright, it was never going to work out anyway. Our lifestyles were too different,” you smiled politely. 

Joel refused to even acknowledge the conversation at hand. His eyes were glued to the game and you were grateful for it. After a briefly awkward silence, comfortable conversation fell over the group. You had never felt more at the sidelines, it felt like you were watching these interactions through a window. It was uncomfortable for you, but everyone else, including Joel, was having a great time.

It was getting late when the game had concluded. It had cooled off and gotten dark outside, luckily the Miller’s didn’t have far to go to get home, they were just next door. Joel had bought the house when Sarah was just a baby, he and Jake had hit it off almost immediately. You were still in school at the time, living at home to save money and instantly felt a connection to Joel. 

You never acted on you feelings, he had a little kid, you were a broke Med student and he was your brothers best friend. The day things changed was the weekend after your and Jake’s 21st birthday; you all had gone into the city to bar hop, one thing led to another and the Joel Miller had taken you home with him. That night was reckless, it was hot, the line where your individual bodies began and ended had been blurred by intense, drunken, passion for another. There was a danger to your relationship when it started, neither of you wanting Jake to find out, but also neither willing to stop seeing one another. 

Eventually, you couldn’t deny your feelings for one another and fell into a very comfortable relationship. You spent five years building a life together. One year dating and getting to know one another. Then, after you had matched in paediatric surgery at St. David’s, you had moved in together. Four more years or figuring out what it meant to date someone with a kid, managing a brutal residency that consisted either nights or 24 hour on call stints. You had thought you were making it work rather well for two people who had no idea what they were doing because at the end of the day at least you knew you loved one another. 

Until it all came crashing down. You don’t know what changed, but you were left in the dust with only the shattered pieces of your heart left to pick up after him. It made the decision to move to Canada easy, a no brainer even. It was a fresh start arguably as far away as physically possible from Joel Miller. You thought it would give you time to heal, give you a clean slate. Except, the heart ache never went away, it dulled over the years. There were days it was barely there at all. You had told yourself you moved on countless times. That was until a picture would come to your email of Kelsey and Sarah at the pool, or Jake, Joel, and Tommy at a baseball game, and then it would all come crashing down all over again. 

The dull ache was a full on fire in your heart today, you knew it would hurt, seeing them all again. It did hurt, but Jake was right, it was better to be surrounded by others than left alone to wallow in self pity upstairs. The Miller’s started making their goodbyes and you got up to see them out. 

“Hey, can we hang out if you’re going to be staying around for a little while? I’ve missed you so much!” Sarah said while giving you a hug goodbye. 

“You’d have to ask your Dad, kiddo. I’d be happy to, but it’s up to him,” 

Sarah turned to face Joel and pleaded him for a sleepover this coming weekend. 

“I, uh, I don’t know darlin’…” He sighed, “You’ve got a lot on the go between school and soccer.” 

“Dad, please! We haven’t seen each other since I was little. It’s been so long, just this once?” The teenager pleaded again. 

“Alright, alright,” Joel put his hands up in defeat. 

Sarah let out a little squeal and hugged her dad. 

“Okay, kiddo… I’ll text your dad about it once I’ve gotten settled in this week,” you smiled. 

You could tell both you and Joel were uncomfortable with the situation. That didn’t matter at the end of the day because you’d both do anything to make sure Sarah was happy. Even after five years you could tell Joel knew that. 

The Miller’s said their goodbyes and you excused yourself upstairs. A sleepover with Sarah meant a whole night at Joel’s. You hadn’t realized the gravity of your actions until you were sitting alone in a bed that no longer belonged to you, in a place that somehow felt different, yet exactly the same. It dawned on you that you may never get over Joel, but he sure as hell had moved on from you. It was clear in the way he avoided you, acted as if you didn’t even exist. 

Who knows how long you’d stay in Austin and you already knew it would only end in more pain than which it began. Tomorrow you’d start looking for a way out again, before too much damage could be done. You had built your walls even higher than they had been before you left and you were determined to make it out unscathed. 

“About time that I face the hard times I’ve let go. If love was just an ocean I’d drown before I float” 

To be continued. 

[rvblos]

sfw/nsfw headcanons - andrey rublev

warnings: this contains nsfw so if you're not comfortable with it just dont read it !!

notes: i lost the request im so sorry😭 but thank you sm for requesting this one im so happy to finally write for my man

sfw:

- he’s the sweetest ever omfg.

- so clingy !!

- can’t keep his hands for himself istg he ALWAYS has to touch your skin or he’ll go crazy.

- “andrey, there are people here…” “i know, i just wanna feel you” cutie pie.

- he’s so funny, he makes you laugh even when you’re supposed to be serious.

- always telling jokes about other players during tours.

- and we all know that he doesn’t like when members of his family go to see him play, the only exception is you.

- your presence is the only one that he’ll never complain about.

- IN FACT whenever he has to start a match, especially an important one, he always makes sure you’re sitting right next to the court.

- to keep an eye on you.

- he LITERALLY invites you to join him everytime he has to do something with daniil, and he makes sure you’re comfortable.

- boy he’s sweet.

- likes to stroke your cheeks when he kisses you.

- and after kissing he always places one little kiss on you forehead. 🤗

- he takes HOURS to get ready.

- he cares a lot for his appearance.

- especially his hair …

- “andrey, are you ready?” you’d shout from the other side of the apartment. “yeah, just wait…” he’d answer from the bathroom.

- as you’d enter the room you’d find him looking at his reflection on the mirror, fizing his hair.

- “babe, you’ve been standing there for the past half hour, let’s go. they’re waiting for us.”

- “yeah, i’m almost ready.” with a concentrated look on his face he’d fix a stray of hair behind his ear. “okay, let’s go.”

- you’d sigh in a kind way, as he kisses you gently on your lips.

nsfw:

- about his hair…

- he adores when you tug on ‘em making a little pressure.

- he’s a switch i dont wanna argue with anyone.

- when he’s submissive he’s very vocal: a lot of moaning and whimpering and stuff.

- he gets so horny watching you doing everything by yourself, sometimes he’d even stay still and his eyes would be fixed on your body, not moving one inch.

- and goes ABSOLUTE CRAZY when you whisper sweet things in his ear.

- “you’re doing so good baby.” BOY HE’S SHAKING.

- and he just doesn’t have the energy to answer, eyes closed and head completely dizzy.

- “love, you have to use your words f’me, okay?”

- he’d nod in agreement, whispering in a low and tired tone “please… k-keep going…”

- and when he’s a top…

- looooovesss when you grab for his biceps during the initial thrust into you ... sedate me

- and always has to look you in the eyes to be able to tell if everything’s okay.

- but anyway !!

- he’s always hugging you from behind… he knows it gets you so turned on…

- and his fingers would slowly get under your shirt, circling your hot skin.

- “you’re already shaking, and i’m only touching you…” WTF PLEASE I NEED HIM

- he’a an ass guy… big or small he has to touch it !

[vhagarlovebot]

Modern! Aemond and the first few dates with reader that they really like, basically an imagine of the first few weeks of getting to know each other, shy touches, things they'd do etc... (im at a period in my life where i am craving love so deeply and just thinking about slowly falling in love with someone is making me dizzy)

you and aemond targaryen met when you were paired for a project. of course you knew who he was, everyone around college knows him and his brother given that the targaryens are one of the oldest and most important families, but you have never spoken to him before that, too shy to approach him, his imposing figure and mysterious aura making you feel nervous and small. but once you were forced to spend time together, you were met with a kind and thoughtful person. the first few times you always met in your favorite coffee shop and aemond made sure to always make you feel comfortable around him, letting you speak freely and share your notes about the project. if you stayed out late, aemond always offered to walk you to your dorm. the first couple of times it was an awkward walk back in silence until he slowly began to asked you things about yourself, and then you fell into a pleasant routine.

and then you began meeting outside the coffee shop. it was aemond who came up to you after classes one day, asking if you’d like to have lunch with him. you were nervous, the little butterflies in your belly going crazy. that day you laughed like never before. it was also the first time you heard aemond laughing, like really laughing. the next day aemond surprised you by sitting next you in class, and the day after, and the day after that.

you have been friends for a while when you began harboring feelings for aemond. dreaming and thinking of him day and night, scared that he would notice the change in your behavior towards him as you tried to hide it for the sake of your friendship. but little did you know that aemond was feeling exactly the same. ever since that first meeting in the coffee shop.

aemond is not used to physical touch, he really does not like it when people touch him without his consent. however, he craves for your touch. he feels alive when you brush your hand against his, heart dropping to his stomach when you blush apologizing for it. he doesn’t want you to apologize, he wants you to do it again, to hold his hand, to cradle his face, to do anything, really. his own hands itching to touch you every time you are around, his insides exploding every time you brush a strand of hair out of your face, exposing your neck, or when you apply gloss after finishing your coffee, your lips screaming for his to feel them. and it is after a night out with your mutual friends when he finally feels how soft your lips really are, molding perfectly into his own. you are in cloud nine, hands resting on his shoulders while your legs feel like jelly. his hands gripping you so tightly against his body and his tongue parting your lips, asking for access, making you dizzy. you imagined this exact scenario a million times in your head but not even that prepared you for the actual thing, you still feel like you might pass out.

after that night your whole relationship changed. there was no more pining and aching for the other, now instead there are stolen glances across the room, shy touches and desperate kisses. the coffee shop meetings for the project are now cute dates with his arm around your shoulders while you talk about a bunch of different things. the walks back to your dorm now end with long make out sessions, sometimes even with aemond spending the night.

the butterflies in your stomach still go crazy every time he tells how pretty you look, or when he kisses you, or just by seeing him. aemond has you in the palm of his hand just as you have him wrapped around your finger.

[thrashkink-coven]

Lucifer has been such an incredible presence in my life when it comes to addiction.

I am disabled and suffer from chronic nerve pain and debilitating migraines that cause paralysis and other not so fun things. Most days weed is the only thing that can bring me relief. The painkilling drugs have helped a bit, but weed is the only substance I’ve found that can actually ease the pain almost instantly. Because of that I have become heavily addicted to weed. There’s really no way for me to function without it. Or maybe there is, I wouldn’t know because I have an active addition. I don’t want to stop smoking weed, and unless it’s posing an immediate threat to my health, I probably never will.

I can be completely aware of how heavily I rely on my addiction whilst still being addicted. Weed is medicine for me, but I also know that sometimes I smoke just because, not because I’m in pain or anything, but because I’m just bored. I know that I don’t need to constantly be using weed as medicine to be allowed to just enjoy it, and others in my same situation may not consider it an addiction, but I do and I’m at peace with that. I can confidently say I am addicted to weed.

Lucifer helped me come to terms with the reality of my situation. Everyone is addicted to something, using some kind of substance or drug to cope with this sick fuck of a world we live in. Being addicted is not a moral dilemma, it doesn’t make you a bad person, and being sober doesn’t make you a good person. The problem is not with the reality of needing something, the problem is with letting that indulgence get to the point of causing me real harm.

There have been times when I’ve been being so hard on myself, actively trying to cut back or quit, putting myself through unnecessary nerve pain, and migraines because I feel “bad” about giving into that urge. It makes me feel weak, like I’m not in control of myself, and Lucifer has come to me and been like

“Bro… lmao you’re fine. Smoke a joint and chill out, you deserve it today. This isn’t causing you harm right now, it’s okay. You’re not doing anything bad. Im here to tell you that this is okay.”

And, at the very same time, there have been days when I’ve smoked 5 or 7 a day, scraping the last scraps of weed together to smoke a pathetic bowl from a dirty ass pipe, and Lucifer has come to me and been like

“Bro, it’s time to take a break. Your tongue is caked white from the constant cotton mouth. Your throat is sore and inflamed. You’re dizzy, your eyes are glazed over. You feel dumb. You can’t think. Your smoking is actively giving you an even worse headache. You’re not even getting high any more. It’s time to stop.”

and … I’m so fucking grateful for that. There’s a very human tendency to either be super strict with myself to the point of borderline self harm or not give a fuck and let myself indulge to the point of hurting myself. Lucifer has always been the one to keep me in line respectfully, to say “you can do this thing if it makes you feel good, but I will not let you do it to the point of making you feel bad.”

I love how understanding he is of the human condition. He doesn’t pressure me to be perfect or scold me when I’m doing bad. He just presents the facts the way it is, without judgement or disappointment. Hey, you’re slipping, we need to get it back together. Hey, you’re doing fine, allow yourself to relax for a bit. Life is a balancing act. If we keep in check with ourselves and we’ll be just fine.

Thank you infinitely, Lucifer. I know Im in good hands when Im with you.

[1horrormoviewhore1]

~HEX GIRLS~

When everyone on the internet thinks you and your band are a coven of witches even Colby's starting to think the rumors are true

It was our last set for our U.S mini tour as the hex girls. Our last leg of shows landed us in our home state of California and Nevada for some of our friends like Colby,Sam, and Kat sam's girlfriend. After this we would go on a 5-6 month hiatus to freak everyone out our adoring fans and it was a pr move to get the sales up for our new album coming out when we got back.

Sam, Colby, and Kat were probably our only true friends. Let's be honest here everyone else in the celebrity and influencer world were a bunch of fakes and then you had that handful of people who were true friends they were actually real towards you no matter what happened, who had your back in the biggest fights so on and so forth.

For us going on this hiatus is risky but the good kind of risky. You have to do what you have to do sometimes in show business even if that means people think your band is a coven of witches I mean it matched the vibe we set out but that doesn't mean we were or do it. I mean when we do witchcraft it isn't even bad just some manifesting among other things like spell jars but that's pretty much it.

People are going around the internet saying we're devil worshippers and satanists and that we eat babies to stay mega young and that's why we have such baby faces. Like no Martha we just do skin care and go to the gym often like the fuck.

Anyway as we get ready to perform a fan favorite song Hex Girl (ironic that it's a fan favorite huh) I see Colby in the crowd with Sam and kat they have white claws in their hands am I surprised no. I give him a little side smirk as the lighting changes and I get ready to sing. I take a little breath in and close my eyes to get ready for the music to play I hear the drums and guitar and I know it's show time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Colbys~pov~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I see Y/n standing there on stage she gives me a little smirk as she closes her eyes and the music starts to play.

"I'm gonna cast a spell on you"

"Oh no it looks like the hex girls have him under their spell Sam " kat giggled as she nudged her boyfriends side with her elbow

"your gonna do what I want you to"

"oh no is right look he's literally drooling over her I've lost my best friend to the witches of the music industry" Sam laughed as he patted me on the back

"mix it up here in my little bowl"

I pull my eyes away from her even if I didn't want to. I looked at Sam and kat

"what did you guys say?" I asked as they looked at me dumbstruck

"say a few words and you lose control"

"oh he really is whipped for her" Sam said as he took a drink of his white claw while tugging kat into his side by her shoulders and she snuggled up into his side

"Im a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

"what are you guys talking about I'm not whipped for her" I glared at Sam and kat as they looked at me for a second before laughing at me like I had just said the funniest thing in the world. I scoffed at them and turned back to watch Y/n sing

" Im gonna put a spell on you"

"you guys dont know what you talking about I'm just supporting our friends" I scoffed at them and turned back to watch Y/n sing.

"Im a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

Her words echoed in my mind. I don't know if that's how it was supposed to be but it felt like she was staring directly at me as she sang

"You'll feel the fog as I cloud your mind you'll get dizzy when I make the sign"

After she sang those words I felt weightless, like I was floating above the crowd like she put some spell on me I couldn't shake the feeling

"You'll wake up in the dead of night"

After I really let it sink in as I watched her do the sign I could only assume to be the band logo it almost all made sense like she had written this song bout me or what she planned to happen to me

"Missing me when I'm out of sight "

I had liked her ever since I had met her since kat had introduced us at her release party for lala land about ...... Ago she had caught my site as soon as her, her sister daisy, and their band mate dusk

" I'm a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

I remember it like it was yesterday kat had introduced us and then we just kinda broke off from the group and stayed in the corner of the room talking and drinking the night away

"I'm gonna put a spell on you"

I felt like I had known her for years after that night like I had just rediscovered an old friend from back home we practically hit it off and we exchanged numbers and now ..... Later as I stood here in the crowd of her show mesmerized by her as she stared at me dead in the eyes

"I'm a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

Maybe the rumors online about them being witches were true. I felt weightless like she had me on a string and she had me by her pointer finger and thumb

" With this little cobweb potion"

She kept staring at me , me doing the same not being able to look away it felt like we were connected in some type of special way, maybe she likes me the same way I liked her maybe she wanted to be with me just as bad as I wanted to be with her

" you'll fall into dark devotion"

Her eyes got darker the longer we kept staring at each other just as I felt like something was going to happen she broke eye contact with me and looked off stage at who I could only guess was a stage hand

"if you ever lose affection"

"look who decided to come back down to earth after that insanely tense staring match with his girlfriend" Sam said as he and kat laughed at the teasing at my expense

"I could change your whole direction"

"I was not staring at her" I said with a huff as kat giggled at me

"ya know I could put in a good word for you with her if you really wanted me to" kat said as she put her hand on my shoulder

"Wait you would really do that!?" I said a little too quickly for my liking

"HA I knew he had a crush on her did you see how fast he perked up at that" Sam said as he pointed at me " you owe me 5 bucks my dear Katrina" he said with his hand out

"wait you guys bet on me having a crush on Y/n" I asked

"yep" kat said popping the 'p'

" we sure did brother, so when are you going to grow a pair and ask her out" Sam asked as he pocketed the 5 bucks kat gave him out of her purse

" Im a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

"I have no clue to be honest I don't even think she likes me that way" I said as I signed and looked up at the stage catching Y/n's eye once again

"I'm gonna put a spell on you"

She winked and smirked at me as she sang so I could only thank God that the lights were red so Sam and kat couldn't see me blushing at our small interaction

"I'm a hex girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you"

"you should do it after the show at the after party I'm sure we could find some flowers or something at a corner store for her" kat said as she looked at me then to the stage as me and Y/n kept our little staring contest going

"we're gonna put a spell on all of youuu"

As she sang those last words smoke bombs went off in front of her,Daisy, and Dusk as they raised their hands and crossed them over their chests. Then as the smoke cleared everyone cheered as they had seemingly disappeared behind the cover of smoke

As the lights of the venue returned to normal so people wouldn't trip on their way out after the show. All I could think of was what and how I was going to tell Y/n how I have the biggest crush imaginable on her and I've had it since I met her and that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her.