#ITS MY BOY! MY BOY I DONT KNOW WHERE MY ONE (1) ARTWORK OF HIM YET!

[patchdotexe]

one of these days ill stop having The Most Obscure Blorbos In The Entire World

[2-cute-4-school]

𝙉𝘾𝙏 𝘿𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 : 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙛𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢

 @proseeuhn~aaah its okay if it takes a while! i honestly dont mind! my requests was… how would the dreamies react to their friend/crush who is usually unintentionally quite distant and intimidating being with soft with them and grabbing their hand out of nowhere to just play with it? if that makes sense?? like the friend/crush gets all soft and grabs the dreamies hand and plays with it djskks thank you in advance! ~ Thank you so much for your request (๑>◡<๑) , it was such a fun and original idea, i really enjoyed coming up with scenarios for this (requests are still open btw)

Mark Lee

so mark may be just a tiny huge bit scared of you sometimes

but that’s mostly because babie doesn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of you  🥺

cuz your rbf gives him THE chills sometimes

you’re the definition of a ‘bruh’ person but somehow that’s a huge charm in mark’s eyes he’s royally whipped been there done that

and the one(1) way mark can fully relax and be in his element is when he’s playing the guitar i’d die to see/hear him

and even after he’s done you’re just ✨ vibing ✨ together in silence

until you suddenly reach out and grasp his hand in yours and bring it close to your face

mark.exe has unexpectedly crashed (((( ;°Д°))))

“woah your fingertips are so calloused from playing”

mark needs a cooler PRONTO (⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

he’s OVERHEATING FOR REAL and hyperaware of your warm breath fawning over his fingertips

and then you intertwine your hands and bring them into your lap as you brush your thumb against the exposed skin on his hand that you’re able to reach with a small smile on your lips (ﾟ ωﾟ//）

and mark is SHOOK with your casual display of affection and softness

he can’t help but stare at the soft curl of your lips, the light twinkle in your eyes, the fingers that grip his own so firmly yet so endearingly ♡‿♡

“you’re so beautiful” it just slips out 

0.0 pause, delete existence, rewind major PANIC

but to his immense surprise a faded hue of red paints your cheeks and ears (๑•́‧̫•̀๑)

“thanks, you’ll get there too eventually “ 

（ノT＿T)ノ ＾┻━┻  way to ruin a moment

but he does forgive you when he feels the index finger of your other hand trace a faint heart on the back of his hand (*>ω<*)

and mark would spend a lifetime playing his guitar if it meant he’d get to witness this unexpected but very welcomed side of you

Huang Renjun

renjun probably watches you like a hawk 

your distant demeanor sometimes baffles him poor baby

but he likes you too much to give up so easily whipped man ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

and he does everything he can to *subtly* hint about his tiny huge crush but without making you uncomfortable renjun best boi we been knew

but you don’t seem to get the gist AT ALL (>皿<)

and renjun is getting more and more concerned on your lack of affection towards him 

so babie gets lowkey sad (oꆤ︵ꆤo) not allowed in this household

until one blessed time you’re peeking over his shoulder as he inspects one of his unworldly amazing drawings

*GASP* “JUN THAT’S SO BEAUTIFUL”

you hurriedly take a seat beside him and grab one of his hands in yours as you gush over his artwork

“HOW EVEN, THIS IS JUST…JUST- I HAVE NO WORDS, MY JUN IS THE BEST ARTIST IN THIS filthy WORLD!!!11!!!1!” ლ(^o^ლ)

renjun’s brain and face is overheating

‘we…we’re holding ha-hands??!? and they called me best artist- wait ‘MY jun’??!?!!??!?!?’ （◎0◎）

and while he’s already shutting down, you decide enough isn’t enough and give  him THE FINAL BLOW

you run your fingers gently over the back of his right hand and you suddenly lean your head on his shoulder as your soft voice registers in his overworked brain

“your birthmark is so pretty, renjun, so unique” (♥ω♥*)

*please bring cold water, towels, a fan, the entire fridge, renjun is burning alive he hot that’s why* 

but renjun makes THE ULTIMATE POWER MOVE and brings your intertwined hands up to lay a *smooch* on your hand  🥺

get a room pls 

Lee Jeno

the members once said they also found jeno intimidating and cold before getting to know him 

so he’s certain that you only need to open up a lil

that’s why no matter how distant and icy you  act towards him 

he never NEVER gives up

just shoots you one of his ^‿^ smiles and carries on

and unconsciously, you start to soften up around him

and there a very specific moment when he started to realize that

you were helping him cut up some fruits and as he was about to grab another apple, you grabbed his hand, intently inspecting it

jeno having a heated internal debate : ‘chill man, don’t give them a reason to catch you off guard’  (ó﹏ò｡)

“well i gotta admit lee jeno” 

“huh?” insert that cute confused sound he makes

“i’m really awestruck by you”

jeno puffing his chest internally : ‘well it’s damn time you noticed me senpai’ (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

“you’ve really got the ugliest tan i’ve ever seen”

‘ASDFKAWDKSAIKAKJW- *passes out* ‘ X.X

jeno just snatches his hand away and grumbles about fruits and bicycles

he’s sulky the entire day but not because you hurt his ego no 

and as much as you love teasing jeno, your growing soft spot for him is acting up and your melted heart just *mush*

so you kick renjun off the couch in order to sit beside jeno renjun tries to protest but you shoot him *that look* and he retreats with his tail between his legs ミ●﹏☉ミ

jeno tries to keep up his deeply hurt act dramatic much

until he feels shy fingers brushing his as if hesitating, before they curl around his firmly

‘ASDFKAWDKSAIKAKJW- *passes out* ‘ x2 because the softness in his heart is just too much for him

later on it becomes a habit neither of you complains

Lee Donghyuck

it’s the 4th time in the past 2 hours

and yes, donghyuck has been keeping count for scientific purposes obv

nvm, it’s the 5th time your hand brushed against his 

and hyuck is  ✨  ABOUT TO LOSE HIS MARBLES  ✨

the demons on his shoulders are arguing by now 

‘this is an attempt to subtly hold your hand dumbass’ (－‸ლ)

‘no it’s not, they would never touch anyone, remember when they threatened to chop chop that guy’s balls for touching them?’

‘it’s not the same thing, you’d let the opportunity if holding your crush’s hand pass by like this?’

‘sure go ahead, and then watch y/n dip it in acid’   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

donghyuck shuddered at the thought

what he doesn’t know is that sure, while sticking a random guy’s hand up his ass for touching you is a ‘been there done that’ for you

hyuck isn’t just a random guy

you’d choke on an asparagus before admitting it, but he has grown on you

sure, he’s still an annoying brat sometimes 

but he’s so much more than that, he understood you in ways other couldn’t, he was patient with you and did his best to comfort and show you he cares in his own way  (｡♡ˇд ˇ♡｡）

and you grew to care for him too

maybe a bit more than a friend should   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“hey hyuck!! my hand is cold, warm it up for me”

you acted on impulse before you could chicken out and before hyuck could answer and slipped your hand in his

demon on left shoulder : ‘ha told ya pay up BEACH’

“you only love me for my warmth” said donghyuck totally not blushing and fangirling on the inside

“pffft i don’t love you, i like tolerate you and just shut up human radiator” said y/n totally not swinging their hands back and forward like kids in love 

Na Jaemin

this man= W H I P P E D

y/n makes an edible omlet? jaemin : this is real taste, 5 star michelin right here!!  stream gods menu cowards

y/n squishes hyuck like a bug for waking them up? jaemin : yes babe whoop go off cutie!!! (•̀o•́)ง

y/n breathes? jaemin : PERFECTION!!!11!!!1!!1!!

so you went from ‘(•ิ_•ิ)? what is this person saying??’

to ‘ (｡•́︿•̀｡)why isn’t he saying anything’ whenever he omits cheering you 

but in a subtle way

you can’t have him catching on

so one day you’re sitting at the kitchen table and he’s feeding you pieces of fruit you whine about being able to feed yourself but nana knows you’re secretly enjoying it

when you suddenly snatch his other hand and one of renjun’s pencils left around and you  🥺 him

unfair if you ask him, how is he supposed to say no so he doesn’t

and you start doodling on his hand o(^◇^)o

he tries to peek at what you’re doing but you squeal softly and move to cover your drawing 

“nana! wait until i’m done!!!’ (｀0´)

he *melts* at your cute reactions and resorts to watching your face expressions fondly as he occasionally prods your lips with fruit

“done!!!”

you move away to let him see the cute dolphin you drew on the back of his hand and he gushes about the cuteness of your drawing

but then you shyly start fiddling with his fingers as you explain

“you know how a dolphin helped poseidon find his love? this will make sure you’ll always find me” (๑•́‧̫•̀๑)

jaemin, softly smiling in understanding, curls his own fingers over yours and brings them up to his chest 

“you don’t have to worry about that”

Zhong Chenle

chenle doesn’t seem a very affectionate person either

so he’s not really worried about your lack of affection social distancing

what he is worried about is that you’re also distant on an emotional level

because what if he misreads you?

what if you misunderstand him because of the lack of communication?

what if he isn’t there for you the one time you need him?

this baby just wants you to know he cares (◕⌓◕;)

but at the same time he doesn’t want to act in a different way around you read as doesn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of his crush

also you’re quite close

as friends for now (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

and as he does with all his close friends : he brings you to his home in china!!!!

and this boi has the surprise of his life when you obviously make an effort to open up to his family ໒( ͡ᵔ ▾ ͡ᵔ )७

you smile and chat a lot with his mom and chenle also gets to talk a lot with you since he has to translate so who’s the real winner here

and you know that variety show(?) where chenle dances with his grandpa in the park? you go there too (∗´꒳`)

and while you’re both waiting on the side…

you!!!!grab!!!!his!!!!HAND!!!! and pull him towards the dance floor!!

chenle : Σ(゜ロ゜;) then looks at you being all : o(^◇^) and chenle turns to : (●♡∀♡)  whipped culture everyone

he barely even breathes until you settle for a comfortable dance pattern, one of your hands on his shoulder, one of his laying gingerly on your waist respectfully cuz he is a manners man 

but most importantly : hands clasped together at the side!!!!!!

and these minutes in which you just dance together without a worry, chenle gets to live his long forgotten childhood dreams 🥺  you know how in cinderella it’s the dance that starts everything? yeah that

chenle marks this date in his calendar and makes it a national day 

Park Jisung

lyin’ is a sin so we don’t do that in dis household

jisung is highly intimidated by you (⌣_⌣”)

as in he likes likes you but he doesn’t dare act on his feelings in any way

so renjun and haechan took it upon themselves to play cupid a horrible decision really

and it seems that their attempts at dr. love only ended up in disasters

locked you together in a rollercoaster together? jisung threw up on both your laps (✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ

ice skating together? jisung stumbled into you, knocking you over so you left the ring with a bruised chin and sore knees and jisung : (シ_ _)シ

arcade hangout? your competitive self almost made jisung cry you not only ignored him but also kicked his ass in every. single. game

so no one had any expectations when they arranged a horror movie night and invited you to sit beside jisung ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

you were awfully quiet since the start of the movie which wasn’t necessarily unusual but ya know 

but the atmosphere was getting tenser and tenser and you just knew some kind of jumpscare was coming

and survival comes first!!!! so you clutch onto the nearest thing

jisung’s hand ding dong correct!!!!

and you also bury your face in his shoulder subtly (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

you, shitting your pants : not a word to the others

jisung, also shitting his pants : not one

but uh even though jisung is awkward and everything, he isn’t complaining!!

he finds comfort in your death grip and you’re also his crush so DOUBLE WIN!!!  !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

ofc the others notice but they don’t say a word because ✨ you’re cute ✨ so they leave the teasing for later thought you escaped? not a chance beach

and to make it all even more embarrassingly cute, you fall asleep like that

and you wake up the next morning tucked in jisung’s side with a sore neck, clammy hands and 200 notifs on your phone with pictures of you and jisung sleeping from every  possible angle (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

and with a soon-to-be boyfriend too

[elysicndrcvm]

━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

     well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado: 

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals. 

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age. 

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue. 

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes. 

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf. 

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places. 

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd. 

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world. 

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers. 

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up. 

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf. 

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf. 

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself. 

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade. 

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out. 

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away. 

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that. 

[might-guys-acorn]

Who do you think is the most (closet) romantic out of the akatsuki with their s/o ? ❤️

Let me tell you, writing these was definitely one hell of a ride😂😂 -🦎

===============================

Loud and Proud

Deidara

• This man has no issues being affectionate. Kisses at all times, roses in the middle of meetings, a steady stream of flirtations.

• He's loud. At all times. As Ive said before, he'll yell to the world about your beauty whenever possible

• Hes all for making big romantic gestures when he has time. Picnics, gifts, artwork inspired by you. Its a constant flow of love

Konan

• Shes not necessarily loud, but she certainly has no issues showing her love for you

• She tries her best not to be super PDA, not because shes embarassed, but simply because its hard to maintain an authoritative role when people see you being all lovey dovey with your S/O

• But if youre having a rough day, she'll just tell everyone to shove off if they try to give her shit for comforting you.

Hidan

• Very much like Deidara, he doesnt give a rat's ass about how it looks to others, showing his love for you is his number 1 priority. Second only to his love for Jashin

• He'll pick you up and kiss you, no matter the company. If anyone says something, he'll just sacrifice them. Its a win-win.

• He likes to make you blush. Whether with an extremely cute, or extremely vulgar comment. Either way, he just likes to see how precious you look with your nose all red.

Closet Sap

Itachi

• He's definitely a romantic, but he prefers to keep it quiet. He likes to show his affection, but only to you

• He writes poems for you, and will sing you to sleep. But he would absolutely die if anyone found out.

• He has a reputation to maintain. Not just for his protection, but also for his brother. So theres no chance he'll be romantic around other people.

Kisame

• I can see Kisame being a sap, but not in a way where he knows he's doing it.

• He probably thinks he's in the 'Romantically Challenged' category.

• But this man will mumble in his sleep about how you make his world more colorful and bright than he ever though possible, and will offhandly say that your eyes remind him of the ocean, and he could get lost in them for hours. Not a romantic, my ass, Shark boy.

Pain

• He's always got hopeless romantic thoughts in his head, but he'll very rarely share them with you.

• He's all action, little words. He makes you breakfast before he leaves in the morning, and leaves new supplies for your hobbies when he notices youre running low.

• Will never be the, 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day' kinda guy, but trust me, you'll never question how much he values you.

Romantically Challenged

Kakuzu

• Now dont get me wrong, this category doesnt mean that he is incapable of being romantic. It simply means he doesnt put any effort in.

• Truly, most of the time, he treats you like youre only slightly more important than everyone else. Like, sure youre his S/O, and he prefers being around you to others, but he doesnt express that to anyone often.

• The only time you'll ever really know he cares is when he pulls you closer to him after a long day, or when he loses his shit on the medical nin working on you after you get hurt.

Sasori

• He's definitely a strange one. Like. He has moments. But also, he's cripplingly distant.

• He's got a rough past, and a very dark one at that. Honestly, the most beautiful people he'd met before you, he just turned to puppets to preserve their beauty, so I guess the fact that youre alive counts for something.

• If he realizes his distance is wearing on you though, he tries to be more affectionate. And stumbles a lot during it. Its mostly him trying to be poetic, but being called a poison he'd never want to find a cure to, isnt exactly swoon-worthy. But his effort is endearing, to be sure.

[someone-always-cares]

chapter 4, page 1

first - previous - next

[image description: an sac webcomic page. rami jolts awake in panic, suddenly sitting up in a bed and room that is not his own. the room, at least the small corner of it shown with a bed and cuboard, in in mostly pink tones, with a small shelf next to the bed. rami is wearing different clothes since seen last, a white sweater with pastel rainbow stripes is covering the pale hospital gown.

beside him is a white and grey borzoi with a starry collar which he turns to, fear gone and looking half asleep too. the dog has sat up to face him and he stares at it in dazed confusion, before it reaches over and licks his cheeck, to which he makes a slightly disgusted face at it.

he reaches up a d gently pushes the dogs face away with a hand that, if one were too look rather closely, would notice the brand new scars across his fingers. he furrows his eyebrows slightly at the dog, which is now wagging its tail. behind him, the shot has zoomed out to show the rest of the bed, where another dog, a wagging corgi with a red collar, which is looking up at him. behind them is another smaller figure next to a large doberman pincher with a pink heart collar. while rami is tangled up in a hot pink duvet that matches the pillows, the blond figure is burritoed in a black blanket, and facing away from rami with the dobermans head resting on top of them.

half of the bed is shadowed by a transgender pride flag pinned up like an awning, between the shelf and the wall ove rthe bed, making a cosy little shelter. on the walls are a couple worksheets and several posters for tips on mental health, including tips for sleep, panic attacks, and handling stress. end id]

happy trans day of visibility!

fun fact!most of this room is based on my own. or at least, it was. i did this page well before the cover, over 3 weeks ago and the room was based on my corner of my dorm but then all this shit happened and now i no longer live there. more on that under the cut

also! the dogs names are anubis, zuel, and ceberus! i cant remember which is which. i tried to check my fucking. files. but i guess i never wrote it down. if it matters my files do say zuel is a 9 year old girl, anubis is a 5 year old boy, and ceberus is a 3 year old girl. and yet my files dont say which dog is which

[image description: a photo of a fairly chaotic corner of my old dorm. on one wide is a wide wooden shelf with a few pieces of art, on the other side is a wall covered in pin boards filled with various artworks. between is a bed with a stickered bedpost, and behind it is a aromantic pride flag covered in badges next to a few mind posters on mental health, and another artwork. above, pinned between the shelf and wall, is a trans pride flag, covering the chaos nook and alos serving as a hammock to a mothman plush. end id]

my old dorm. pretty much all that art and badges and shit is from various comic cons. apart from redbubble stickers and some things i got at pride. i have more but its in storage even before this, sadly. also not pictured but i made my pride hole bigger by adding a nonbinary flag later to extend the roof

so i used my room as a basis even if the room in comic- which is xandras- is an proper room and not a shared dorm. took the basic setup of a pride hidey hole, as well as the shelf being the same design. and i also had the mental health tips heavily based of the tip posters i got from mind, a uk based organization for mental health. the unamed worksheets were also based off some of mine that are now in storage so i could use them as referances and had to google them but theyre worksheets for cognetive behavior therapy. also the clock on the shelf is based on one i had? have? idk where it is it might be in my suitcase for all i fuckin know

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; sticky fingers

word count: 1090

pairing: connor | rk800/oc

genre: gen

summary: « oh wait, where's...? the detective exclaimed as they rummaged through their bag. i must've-- sorry i really need to... they trailed off. wait here. »

the android simply nodded as he watched the figure scurry away to some part of the precinct.

in the meantime, he found a few things to distract himself with: rhythmically tapping the desk, fidgeting with his coin... he glanced up at the decorated desk and saw a prompt: [ X | ᴱˣᴬᴹᴵᴺᴱ ᴰᴱˢᴷ ] should he...?

a/n: trying to unblock myself and start writing again... so i decided to write some oc x canon stuff as tiny exercise... kinda funny thing that i wrote to also flesh out my oc in a way,,,? ya boi fell in a hole of oc x canon that he thought he would avoid for the longest of times lmao,,, one (1) android controls my life end me,,, in case you do decide to read this, tiny pointers to not be confused: - in this au connor, 60, and rk900 are deviant and work at the DPD. since they're considered rookies (only started officially working as a detective for about a month) they're assigned partners; connor with hank, conan (rk900) with gavin, colin (60) with my oc esmé. - this ficlet mentions my friend's (miusmius​) oc, Ona Boix, who is also a detective at the DPD (i included her in the artwork, and by default in this work)... i don't own her, she doesn't belong to me... mius dont sue me pls

i think that's about it? hope you enjoy this silly thing.

{ [ X | ᴱˣᴬᴹᴵᴺᴱ ᴰᴱˢᴷ ] }

the desk itself is relatively neat, sheaf of paper stacked together and tucked away neatly on one side of the table. other personable belongings such as potted plants, picture frames, and a small owl statuette are organised meticulously. office supplies are placed in cups and holders, not a single item out of place. upon closer inspection, however, the android noticed one item that was not like the other: unnoticeable at first, there was a black pen amidst the others that resembled his… the fountain pen he lost a few days ago.

[ ａｎａｌｙｓｉｎｇ... ] [ ᴬᴺᴬᴸᵞˢᴵˢ ᶜᴼᴹᴾᴸᴱᵀᴱ: ᴸᴬᴹᵞ 2000 ᶠᴼᵁᴺᵀᴬᴵᴺ ᴾᴱᴺ, ᴾᴿᴼᴰᵁᶜᵀ ᶜᴼᴰᴱ ᴸᴹᵞ-ᴸ01ᴱᶠ ]

he pushed aside the rest of the result, ignoring the trivial information such as material (black polycarbonate—makrolon and stainless steel), and swiped the pen up, inspecting the pen’s body. on it was a delicately etched “connor anderson”, coining it as his pen; the one that was gifted to him. stuffing it into his pocket, he now realised how much of the detective’s belongings weren’t actually theirs: hank’s music player, det. collins’ notepad, and headphones he swore he last saw with officer chen. baffled at how no one has noticed yet, he collected said items to be returned after. though most of the stolen goods are of little value and easily replaceable, he settled to discuss the detective’s kleptomaniac tendencies with them soon.

continuing his inspection, he noted the multiple flyers and notes that adorned the  detective’s magnetic board: small notices and stickers from past concert—panic! at the disco (which he found out was a well known alternative rock artist who managed to keep his career afloat even after the popularisation of android bands) and others, both popular and indie, of differing languages.

a small timetable and calendar marked a few important dates, circled and annotated accordingly. a small to-do list is taped near it, date at the top right corner. most of the writing is smudged—[ ᴿᵁᴺᴺᵞ ᶠᴼᵁᴺᵀᴬᴵᴺ ᴾᴱᴺ? ˢᴹᵁᴰᴳᴱᴰ ᴾᴱᴺᶜᴵᴸ? ] – “buy food for paris after work” it seemed odd that the detective still took on-paper reminders when a digital alternative was available, not to mention broadcasting them in full view. – “concert Jules     8:30 pm [sic.]” but perhaps they simply preferred the act of physically writing them down, or leaving behind a trace of their last location in the off chance that something happened… who was this “jules”? he decided not to look the person up, though curiosity was tempting. he resisted the urge (that his non-deviant self would have complied to immediately) if not to give the detective their privacy. he trusted them enough to know that they’d tell him about this individual if they need to.

on the top left corner of the board was a sticky note that wasn’t quite like the others: instead of the neat, smooth lines that was characteristic of their handwriting, this one was a messy scrawl that made it almost illegible—detective reed’s handwriting. under it was a smaller sticky note, belonging to the desk’s owner, which read “asshole”. « succinctly put » the android thought with a small smile of amusement.

the final object, which was a more recent addition to the heavily decorated board was a photograph of a recent birthday “party”, which was more of a potluck to be quite honest. his smile remained, and one may even note that it has become marginally brighter as his features softened. a photograph annotated with the raven haired detective’s commentary (entire precinct made up of loose canons—which wasn’t exactly wrong in his mind), which showcased the coworkers being together and celebrating hank’s birthday (while det. reed sulks on a kitchen counter, frustrated. the android chuckled at the annotations, “trash” is right.).

he scanned through each individual: his “brothers”, colin and conan—taken aback slightly at the fact that the three were called fucko 1-through-3; det. boix and officer chen (titled queens—fittingly as both were incredible at their work, though he sometimes wonder why officer chen still hasn’t been promoted yet…); the man he considers his father—lt. hank anderson—“world’s okayest dad” seeming like an understatement (though he’s quite sure it’s joke shared among the detective and the lieutenant); the two canines—sumo (the best saint bernard there ever was) and paris (the best german shepherd there ever was), and finally the desk’s owner themselves: det. esmé thomas, the person he’s waiting for right now. the picture was a slightly candid one (he didn’t recall being informed that they were going to have their picture taken), but he felt a sense of peace in seeing the group’s genuine joy being captured. it was nice to see them enjoying each other’s presence (some had a harder time showing it, though reed was slowly coming around) after the chaos a few months ago.

« hey, i’m back! sorry for making you wait... we can go now, suggested a voice from his far right. he turned his head to face its source before nodding. – alright. »

unlike hank, esmé preferred to drive in complete silence, the only sounds audible were the traffic outside and the thrumming of the car engine. after a few moments, the detective restarted the conversation: « did you have fun snooping around my desk? they asked playfully. – i was merely inspecting it… i noticed it had a new picture on it, he answered truthfully. – yup, they smirked, you like it? it was from last weekend. – it was certainly amusing, what with the flavour text. – ah, i was hoping you’d say that fucko #1, they chuckled. – so we’re a precinct filled with loose canons? he pushed playfully, rolling his eyes. – i don’t see you disagreeing, they replied, glancing briefly at the android. – touché. »

a moment of silence passed as the conversation died once more, the quietness accompanying them in their drive. but it was fine. it was a comfortable silence as they waited to reach their destination. a question was, however, on the tip of the android’s tongue for what would’ve been the entire ride so far, so he decided to ask them: « i’ve been meaning to ask you… he started. the driver made a « hmm? » to inform the passenger that they were listening. – but why are you wearing detective reed’s sunglasses? he pointed at the accessory on the detective’s shirt collar. »

the question goes unanswered and the android gives up on the thought of ever getting a reply, when the person besides him answered determinedly, not a hint of shame in their voice as they admitted the theft: « it was shiny and i wanted it. »

like my work? consider buying me a coffee // checking out my masterlist | links can be found on my desc

[pointedly-foolish]

[ stíckч fíngєrs ]

word count: 1090

pairing: connor | rk800/oc

genre: gen

summary: « oh wait, where's...? the detective exclaimed as they rummaged through their bag. i must've-- sorry i really need to... they trailed off. wait here. »

the android simply nodded as he watched the figure scurry away to some part of the precinct.

in the meantime, he found a few things to distract himself with: rhythmically tapping the desk, fidgeting with his coin... he glanced up at the decorated desk and saw a prompt: [ X | ᴱˣᴬᴹᴵᴺᴱ ᴰᴱˢᴷ ] should he...?

a/n: trying to unblock myself and start writing again... so i decided to write some oc x canon stuff as tiny exercise... kinda funny thing that i wrote to also flesh out my oc in a way,,,? ya boi fell in a hole of oc x canon that he thought he would avoid for the longest of times lmao,,, one (1) android controls my life end me,,, in case you do decide to read this, tiny pointers to not be confused: - in this au connor, 60, and rk900 are deviant and work at the DPD. since they're considered rookies (only started officially working as a detective for about a month) they're assigned partners; connor with hank, conan (rk900) with gavin, colin (60) with my oc esmé. - this ficlet mentions my friend's (@miusmius​) oc, Ona Boix, who is also a detective at the DPD (i included her in the artwork, and by default in this work)... i don't own her, she doesn't belong to me... mius dont sue me pls

the drawing was made cuz i wanted to do a challenge where i draw a bunch of different ppl lol

i think that's about it? hope you enjoy this silly thing.

{ [ X | ᴱˣᴬᴹᴵᴺᴱ ᴰᴱˢᴷ ] }

the desk itself is relatively neat, sheaf of paper stacked together and tucked away neatly on one side of the table. other personable belongings such as potted plants, picture frames, and a small owl statuette are organised meticulously. office supplies are placed in cups and holders, not a single item out of place. upon closer inspection, however, the android noticed one item that was not like the other: unnoticeable at first, there was a black pen amidst the others that resembled his… the fountain pen he lost a few days ago.

[ ａｎａｌｙｓｉｎｇ... ] [ ᴬᴺᴬᴸᵞˢᴵˢ ᶜᴼᴹᴾᴸᴱᵀᴱ: ᴸᴬᴹᵞ 2000 ᶠᴼᵁᴺᵀᴬᴵᴺ ᴾᴱᴺ, ᴾᴿᴼᴰᵁᶜᵀ ᶜᴼᴰᴱ ᴸᴹᵞ-ᴸ01ᴱᶠ ]

he pushed aside the rest of the result, ignoring the trivial information such as material (black polycarbonate—makrolon and stainless steel), and swiped the pen up, inspecting the pen’s body. on it was a delicately etched “connor anderson”, coining it as his pen; the one that was gifted to him. stuffing it into his pocket, he now realised how much of the detective’s belongings weren’t actually theirs: hank’s music player, det. collins’ notepad, and headphones he swore he last saw with officer chen. baffled at how no one has noticed yet, he collected said items to be returned after. though most of the stolen goods are of little value and easily replaceable, he settled to discuss the detective’s kleptomaniac tendencies with them soon.

continuing his inspection, he noted the multiple flyers and notes that adorned the detective’s magnetic board: small notices and stickers from past concert—panic! at the disco (which he found out was a well known alternative rock artist who managed to keep his career afloat even after the popularisation of android bands) and others, both popular and indie, of differing languages.

a small timetable and calendar marked a few important dates, circled and annotated accordingly. a small to-do list is taped near it, date at the top right corner. most of the writing is smudged—[ ᴿᵁᴺᴺᵞ ᶠᴼᵁᴺᵀᴬᴵᴺ ᴾᴱᴺ? ˢᴹᵁᴰᴳᴱᴰ ᴾᴱᴺᶜᴵᴸ? ] – “buy food for paris after work” it seemed odd that the detective still took on-paper reminders when a digital alternative was available, not to mention broadcasting them in full view. – “concert Jules     8:30 pm [sic.]” but perhaps they simply preferred the act of physically writing them down, or leaving behind a trace of their last location in the off chance that something happened… who was this “jules”? he decided not to look the person up, though curiosity was tempting. he resisted the urge (that his non-deviant self would have complied to immediately) if not to give the detective their privacy. he trusted them enough to know that they’d tell him about this individual if they need to.

on the top left corner of the board was a sticky note that wasn’t quite like the others: instead of the neat, smooth lines that was characteristic of their handwriting, this one was a messy scrawl that made it almost illegible—detective reed’s handwriting. under it was a smaller sticky note, belonging to the desk’s owner, which read “asshole”. « succinctly put » the android thought with a small smile of amusement.

the final object, which was a more recent addition to the heavily decorated board was a photograph of a recent birthday “party”, which was more of a potluck to be quite honest. his smile remained, and one may even note that it has become marginally brighter as his features softened. a photograph annotated with the raven haired detective’s commentary (entire precinct made up of loose canons—which wasn’t exactly wrong in his mind), which showcased the coworkers being together and celebrating hank’s birthday (while det. reed sulks on a kitchen counter, frustrated. the android chuckled at the annotations, “trash” is right.).

he scanned through each individual: his “brothers”, colin and conan—taken aback slightly at the fact that the three were called fucko 1-through-3; det. boix and officer chen (titled queens—fittingly as both were incredible at their work, though he sometimes wonder why officer chen still hasn’t been promoted yet…); the man he considers his father—lt. hank anderson—“world’s okayest dad” seeming like an understatement (though he’s quite sure it’s joke shared among the detective and the lieutenant); the two canines—sumo (the best saint bernard there ever was) and paris (the best german shepherd there ever was), and finally the desk’s owner themselves: det. esmé thomas, the person he’s waiting for right now. the picture was a slightly candid one (he didn’t recall being informed that they were going to have their picture taken), but he felt a sense of peace in seeing the group’s genuine joy being captured. it was nice to see them enjoying each other’s presence (some had a harder time showing it, though reed was slowly coming around) after the chaos a few months ago.

« hey, i’m back! sorry for making you wait... we can go now, suggested a voice from his far right. he turned his head to face its source before nodding. – alright. »

unlike hank, esmé preferred to drive in complete silence, the only sounds audible were the traffic outside and the thrumming of the car engine. after a few moments, the detective restarted the conversation: « did you have fun snooping around my desk? they asked playfully. – i was merely inspecting it… i noticed it had a new picture on it, he answered truthfully. – yup, they smirked, you like it? it was from last weekend. – it was certainly amusing, what with the flavour text. – ah, i was hoping you’d say that fucko #1, they chuckled. – so we’re a precinct filled with loose canons? he pushed playfully, rolling his eyes. – i don’t see you disagreeing, they replied, glancing briefly at the android. – touché. »

a moment of silence passed as the conversation died once more, the quietness accompanying them in their drive. but it was fine. it was a comfortable silence as they waited to reach their destination. a question was, however, on the tip of the android’s tongue for what would’ve been the entire ride so far, so he decided to ask them: « i’ve been meaning to ask you… he started. the driver made a « hmm? » to inform the passenger that they were listening. – but why are you wearing detective reed’s sunglasses? he pointed at the accessory on the detective’s shirt collar. »

the question goes unanswered and the android gives up on the thought of ever getting a reply, when the person besides him answered determinedly, not a hint of shame in their voice as they admitted the theft: « it was shiny and i wanted it. »

like my work? consider ordering a commission // buying me a coffee // checking out my art tag or my masterlist | links can be found on my desc

[wistfulcynic]

Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Read it on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8: 

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened. 

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.” 

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly. 

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her. 

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.” 

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.” 

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone. 

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio. 

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression. 

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it. 

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear. 

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.” 

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead. 

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake. 

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked. 

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless. 

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed. 

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.” 

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby. 

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.” 

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.” 

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.” 

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.” 

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby. 

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it. 

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right. 

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school. 

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid. 

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends. 

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it. 

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.   

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—” 

“You don’t trust your judgement.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.” 

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam. 

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.” 

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.  

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair. 

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away. 

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said. 

[linklethehistorian]

W.I.P. Week — Day 6 (March 1): Your Previously Unpublished WIP

I still have upwards of 35 W.I.Ps. I haven’t published, honestly, and all of them — with the exception of the one I included further below — are either artworks or relating to my Zelda: Within Shadows anime. The one I decided to go with was a super old Ace Attorney one (moderate spoilers for Dual Destinies follow — skip to next section if you don’t want to be spoiled) which was of Apollo Justice visiting the grave of his best friend, Clay Terran. I made this one back in 2016 and I still haven’t had the chance to complete it. ^-^’

Bonus Question: What fic have you been wanting to write that you haven’t been able to get to?

Honestly, I have too many to list here, but at the top of that list would have to be the Bungou Stray Dogs ChuuArt fanfic I submitted earlier for Day 3 of this event, and also a secondary one centered around the same pairing that I was finally able to start working on just a little today, which is meant to take place in the School AU (or a similar one if you don’t want to consider it the same as the official one). As thanks for finally motivating me to start it, I’ve decided to include an excerpt of it here, so I hope you enjoy this fic (which is tentatively titled, “Everything Has Changed”).

Be aware that as with the previous fic, spoilers for the Fifteen Light Novel will follow. (Minor spoilers for BSD Mayoi’s School AU also are included.)

"Hey, did you hear the news? Somebody told me there will be a bunch of new students transferring here this year."

"Really? How many of them are coming?"

"I dont know. I heard they're mostly foreigners, though! They're flying in from overseas; I bet they're already waiting for us at the academy by now."

"Do you think they're gifted?"

"Duh. The Academy pretty much only accepts people like us anyway; what kind of question is that?"

"Well, there is Ranpo-san."

"Thats different! Ranpo-san is special. Anyway, they already confirmed it."

"What do you think they're going to be like?"

"I don't know! I sure hope there are at least a few cute ones, though! I've always wanted to date a foreign boy!"

Cheerful and mischievous giggles filled the bus as the teenage students engaged in their endless, excited chatter; today was the first day of the new school year, and everyone seemed more than ready for it to begin, even if only because of the potential of meeting new people — everyone, that is, except for Chuuya Nakahara.

Bored with listening to the coversations of others, the redhead redirected his attention to the window next to him, resting his left arm on the small windowsill and his head in his hand, his other hand still clutching a black fedora with a faded red ribbon that now appeared almost brown in color.

Outside, sakura petals fluttered, floated, and danced in the wind, occasionally hitting up against the glass, sometimes sticking against it for a momemt as if to greet the children who were travelling to the same school from which they came, before taking to the air once more.

Chuuya sighed, shifting in his seat slightly as he turned his head to look down at the old hat resting in his lap, his right thumb gently caressing and rubbing small circles on its brim as he allowed his mind to wander to the barely lingering memories of his past; hazy images of dark human-shaped blurs moving back and forth through the shadows at the corners of his mind, until one — familiar and filled with light — entered the space and grasped his hand, turning the entire world bright and warm.

And then you slipped away, and I never knew why or where you went.

A sad smile formed on the boy's face as his thoughts returned back to the present once more, both of his hands gingerly gripping either side of the fedora — the only remaining part of that light-filled person which he could physically hold onto — by its brim. He turned it over, examining its underside for a moment.

Another year is ahead, and yet —

Chuuya lifted his gaze upwards, looking around at all of his excited classmates for the briefest of seconds before directing his eyes towards the front windshield, staring out at the road ahead. He knew it wouldn't be long now before they reached their destination; very soon, they would be getting out of that bus and walking through the front gate. There, just the way it had been some of the years prior to this, they would likely be meeting many new people — people with whom they would all have the chance to socialize, befriend, and perhaps even fall in love. In spite of this, he just couldn't bring himself to care — only one thought filling his head as with before.

Another year is ahead, and yet, I still havent found you.

Well, see you tomorrow, everyone! Thanks for checking it out.

All of my other entries for W.I.P. Week:

Day 1 (February 24): Your Oldest W.I.P.

Day 2 (February 25): A W.I.P. Containing Your OTP

Day 3 (February 26): Your Canonverse or Your AU W.I.P.

Day 4 (February 27): Your Most Popular W.I.P.

Day 5 (February 28): Your Favorite W.I.P.

Day 7 (March 2): Any W.I.P.

[krytus]

I think I might start watching bf5 so can you tell me why I should watch it

bro you’re going to get a giant block of text because hot wheels battle force 5 is a series that is really near and dear to my heart.

ok first off the plot is kinda simple but it’s really fun: it’s a group of six teens that have to drive cars real fast and battle some aliens. the second season gets more complicated but its. fun.

the aliens are called the sark (robots led by a tyrant), and the vandals (tribal dictatorship). there’s never any doubt about them being evil—not only are they conquerors that have destroyed worlds, the vandals practice slavery (which is a minor spoiler) and the sark are led by zemerik who is. just a fucking asshole. however, the show plays with this tradition model of heroes vs villains a lot in s2: zemerik Because Of Reasons ends up on the heroes’s side. this does not mean they trust him. they have to help kallus (the leader of the vandals), too, but they know for a fact the second there isn’t a greater evil to unite against, they’re back to throwing fists. 

there’s another race of aliens called the sentients which are like. gods. they created the universe and all the battle zones—this is the place where our heroes fight/race the bad guys. also ps battlezones are some of the COOLEST concepts we get out of this show. they’re usually unique in design but there are reasons our heroes sometimes revisit them that makes narrative sense. battlezones are unlocked by battlekeys, and getting the battle key is pretty much the premise for every episode in s1, except for a couple near the end that build into the main conflict of s2. anyways, back the sentients. they’re dicks. i don’t trust them. they also have slaves but it’s like. lowkey slavery? it’s. yeah. also, they are 2 kinds of sentients: the blue ones and the red ones. the red ones you THINK are dicks but then u find out the blue ones. weren’t that nice either. so it’s. spicy. sentients also had like. a couple of civil wars.

anyways, let’s talk about our main heroes!

there’s vert wheeler

he’s kind of a dork and you can tell he’s probably like. 18. he’s the leader and he’s kinda arrogant but he always manages to keep his team together. he makes bad jokes sometimes and you can argue he’s a little op but honestly? as skilled as he is he clearly needs a team at his back. i stan him so hard. he drives the saber which is a car with a chainsaw on it. a chainsaw.

vert’s second is command is agura ibaden, this beautiful lady:

she made me into a lesbian. she doubts herself sometimes and gets a couple of episodes about learning to be in control and eventually she’s a great leader in her own right. she drives the tangler which is a beast of a vehicle and she’s good at planning and hitting the enemy in ways they don’t expect. i love her so much.

next up we have the cortez brothers, spinner and sherman.

they’re latino but it’s implied they’re mexican because spinner’s gamer name references a specific city in mexico. also, side note, bf5 was ridiculously popular in mexico. like. reruns every other hour. it was the life. but anyways, they’re the technical brains of the team. spinner is good with computers and sherman is an engineering genius. although they’re both the tech support, i love that they have different skills!! they love each other very much but they also get on each other’s nerves. in one episode they dare each other to eat increasingly gross things it’s hilarious and they’re peak sibling culture. also sherman is big and still the brains! there are however a couple food jokes about him which is :( but they’re not like. his entire characterization! he’s complex and i love him. they drive the buster which is. basically a tank. 

anyways, next up is zoom takazumi, resident ninja

alkjd actually he’s a mixed martial arts fighter! he’s the youngest and i would protect him with my LIFE. also i don’t have the episode on hand right this moment but he’s south asian! yay diversity. he gets flak for being the baby of the team but he really finds himself and he’s an awesome scout. also i love alessandro juliani, his VA so. stan him. he drives the chopper which is a bike that becomes a helicopter. i don’t make it sound very cool but it IS.

we also have stanford isaac rhodes 

he’s our moron representation. he’s vain, self obsessed, and thinks he should be in charge (the villains literally. know him as “the vain one” it’s hilarious). if the writing for this show were weaker, i’d hate him. however! he learns to not be such a dick. he becomes ride or die for his friends. as much as he thinks he should be in charge and clashes with agura, he learns to be better! i appreciate this dumbass white boy. he drives the reverb which has guns. a car. with sonic guns. this show goes ridiculously hard.

in s2 we get two more characters, tezz and aj. 

tezz volitov is like stanford, but ridiculously smart. he strands himself on an alien mood at the age of NINE, and spends the next 9 years alone. it’s kinda sad. it takes him a while, but he eventually learns how to be a good teammate and i love him so much. he’s also russian, i think, but he’s. probably not white? it’s complicated. this is an issue i got with the show but i’ll tack it onto them wanting to be diverse whilst being white people. tezz drives the splitwire which i. legit want. it’s so fucking COOL.

finally, we have aj who i dont have a gif for, i just realized. he’s white n blonde, tho so. just imagine that. he doesn’t have too big of a role in the series, but he’s vert’s friend so i trust him and also the times he does show up he doesn’t steal the spotlight or anything, which i respect. they knew he was a bland white guy and they committed to that.

but yeah the characters are really interesting. also, the animation? is god tier for a show from 2010 that had the graveyard time slot. there are so many little details and the SCORING IS TO DIE FOR, also the way they color skin tones? is something you rarely see in 3D cartoons. they understood that dark skin in different lighting doesn’t react the same as white skin. there is no moment in the show where you can’t see the difference in the skin tone of the characters. it’s amazing and i love it so much.

a couple of details from the animation bc i love it

but yeah! this show is very colorful and what i call “lovingly animated”

another great things about it are. the jokes. the way they write dialogue is literally. to die for:

“bro, what would you do without me?” “live to see my next birthday”

“who wants to help me destroy a pack of killer robots?”

“a great warrior has fallen. an ally, an enemy, but, mostly a dismal failure, and a loser”

“believe it or not, i’m too exhausted to humiliate you”

“you’re risking our lives based on artwork made of STICK FIGURES?”

“if a 50ft statue of one of us showed up in a battlezone, what would we do?” “i’d blog about it” “no one reads your blog”

“the brains of this operation?” “he’s the left hemisphere. i’m the right”

some of them have visual elements which i love in jokes!!

but yeah. this is long enough i guess.

to sum up:

diverse cast

great animation

great music

solid plot

solid writing

funny joaks

some AMAZING foreshadowing 

the webisodes are funny and cute

the theme song SLAPS

WORDBUILDING TO DIE FOR

there’s so much i’m leaving out because this show is SO MUCH AND SO GOOD but yeah. i made some gifs if you want to see the flavor of this show

there’s no romance like. at all. the focus is solely on the action and i love it

however, i am known for being a salty little bitch so issues™

could have used more women

there are a couple of jokes which are kinda cheesy

the diversity is the kind written by white people so take that as you will. also it’s a show that’s like. as good as white people can write. nothing super revolutionary.

it doesn’t entirely have. a solid ending. it has a tv movie that wraps it up but 1. it’s in spanish (yours truly wrote a translation) 2. it includes a cliffhanger which was. unnecessary. it’s more that they wanted to leave the door open for more but. didn’t make it. however! all the main conflicts get resolved so it’s not too a big issue

there’s probably more stuff but honestly? it’s a solid kids show. flaws n strengths. i love it

[comicteaparty]

May 9th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 9th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Lodestar by SasstastiKim.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Lodestar by SasstastiKim~! (http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Darkhalo4321

My favorite scene has to be... the coffee shop book place thingy. With taylor! Sarcasm max.

Letter Bee

Elliot being told to trust his new friends by his mother.

SpazztastiKim

Author note: chapter one is getting "remodeled" so any suggestions are welcome

Kabocha

My favorite scene? Probably be this one: http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2597078/ch2-pg-17/ ...It's so atmospheric, and that is a very good and creepy looking heart. I'm into the atmosphere. Under @SpazztastiKim's cute artwork lies something deceptively dark...

Darkhalo4321

I looooooovethe backgrounds in that sequence

L O V E

Yes, very dark. >:3c

RebelVampire

yeah i got second that as my favorite scene. cause the atmosphere is to die for. and i love how contrasted it is from the previous scenes cause you go into it and immediately go "oh no a spooky dream"

Kabocha

Also, Kim -- if you are interested in critique, etc, I can throw you thoughts in private, but I didnt' like, make any notes or anything. It's your comic and I figured that you were doin' errything to have fun! (And get some good creepiness in there too)

SpazztastiKim

You are welcome to!

Kabocha

Okay. I'll do that offline and another day, then. But I do think you've got a good story here, so please don't feel obliged to open yourself up to such feedback!

SpazztastiKim

Thank you

Darkhalo4321

Let us gush over how superb becky's optimism is

SpazztastiKim

Lol

RebelVampire

im busy gushing over the dialogue on this page http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2749604/ch3-pg10/

Kabocha

Honestly I just really like the magic effects, not gonna lie

RebelVampire

like its so silly and yet reminds me of youth

Kabocha

I'm looking forward to more magic and ghost stuff

RebelVampire

cause these are random convos i would have as a youth with ppl

Kabocha

YEAH

Darkhalo4321

Same here!

Kabocha

It's so dramatic, and... man,... I remember being like that when I was younger

I don't recall if it's stated in-comic, but how old is everyone?

SpazztastiKim

Not stated yet. You can guess tho XD

RebelVampire

elliot was a 30 year old man this entire time

SpazztastiKim

Oof XDD

Kabocha

Ahahaha. I was guessing 14~15

Darkhalo4321

Im not allowed to guess because i kinda know XD

SpazztastiKim

Lol

Kabocha

Either way, I'm guessing high school for all of them, but nobody's a senior XD

Darkhalo4321

Except for ally

Shes like younger, like idk maybe hr high ish?

I actually dont know for sure her age

RebelVampire

i wouldve guessed middle school personally. but its hard to tell cause i need to see more adults

Kabocha

Maybe? She throws me a little bit? XD She's probably 13ish?

Darkhalo4321

Shes a precious cinnamonroll and needs protected at all costs

RebelVampire

yeah id peg 13ish for ally personally too.

idk if she need the protecting. she is not the one who got tackled to the ground

Kabocha

I would not fight her

Darkhalo4321

No

She will tackle you to the ground in l o v e

Kabocha

I do also really like how everyone's designs are unique

So it's really easy to distinguish who's who (and I'm pretty sure if it was a greyscale comic, it'd still be very easy... Which is really good)

....ALSO WHAT WAS WITH THE POINTY EARS

Darkhalo4321

Yeah kim

S'plain

X'D

Kabocha

I'm getting the feeling that there are spoilers in that answer

SpazztastiKim

OP... someone noticed

Kabocha

but

I can't help but feel like there are some alternate world or reincarnation shenanigans afoot

RebelVampire

elliot was an elf in a past life and the birth he witnessed was from back then

ya know what scratch that

he was the elf prince

Kabocha

Okay so I'm not the only one that thought that though

RebelVampire

just make everyone a prince

SpazztastiKim

Pfft yes

Kabocha

What's with the lanterns though... hahaha

But I really do have to wonder what all is going on there. The wolf skeleton was warning him about a thing he... sealed away.

SpazztastiKim

Was it sealed tho?

Kabocha

.... Maybe not

Darkhalo4321

:0

Kabocha

but, I mean, it's hella vague I feel like the wolf is protecting Elliot tho

Darkhalo4321

I get that vibe too, wasnt nice atthe end tho >:T

Kabocha

No, but this probably has happened before

Darkhalo4321

Ya think?

RebelVampire

when you say this are you talking about the dream itself or like the sealed away creature thing?

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2612346/ch2-pg18/ Well, the wolf says that Elliot's been dragged away before

so the thing that's hunting Elliot in his dream proooooooooooooooooooooooooobably has gone after him before

unless the "Birth" in question means it manifested in physical form

Darkhalo4321

D:

OH

Kabocha

KIM IS THIS NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, AND ALL THESE KIDS ARE GONNA GET KILLED BY FREDDY

Darkhalo4321

Maybe

XD

MAYBE

SpazztastiKim

Pffft

RebelVampire

that theory did occur to me

cause of the dream themes

that this is basically monster in the dreams

rip everyone

Darkhalo4321

I mean, I know kim loves horror movies SO

Kabocha

Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors II

RebelVampire

so the thing about the pointy ears that actually interests me the most is that elliot didnt seem to notice all that much or care. and like i know there was a bloody skeleton wolf scaring the crap outta him, but i feel like hed have at least been a little like "hey i am an elf boy now"

also the fact that the dream did not start off with pointy ears

they only showed up with wolf dude

Kabocha

It might be a sign of magic or something. Or maybe he and his ghost are just used to the pointed ears showing up

Darkhalo4321

Ooohh

I didn't notice tyhat!

Kabocha

I did have to re-read that part when I looked at this earlier this week -- it was like "waaaaaaaaaaait a minute"

SpazztastiKim

Hmm WHEN did the change happen again?

Darkhalo4321

Hm indeed

Kabocha

It seems to be a slow transition to be honest

Darkhalo4321

you know who we haven't mentioned yet- TOM my favorite character.

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2456424/ch2-pg11/ On this page, they start to look slightly pointed http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2505393/ch2-pg12/ AND THEN He starts to hear things and cough... And magic shows up in the next page

mathtans

Here for the moment, the little one is being very fussy this evening. I think my favourite scene was in the night terror in chapter 2, where we just had the glowing eyes - and then Mandy's glowing hand. Creepy and atmospheric.

Scrolling back to read, I liked how Elliot was thankful not to be a hobbit when he woke.

Darkhalo4321

Right?

Imagine if he woke up and HAD POINTY EARS

the rest of the cast would have been howling

Kabocha

Also, he's focusing on the important things: Not being a dream zombie

RebelVampire

i will be surprised if that doesnt happen one day. that he wakes up with elf ears and has to explain to everyone that surprise, hes an elf now

QUESTION 2. Dreams seem to be central to the story at hand. How do you interpret Elliot’s latest dream? Was it a dream, or was it something more? Whose birth did Elliot supposedly witness, and what exactly is it hungering for? Who is the black wolf that delivers the warnings to Elliot, and why is Elliot the one tasked with helping to defeat whatever the wolf is warning him about? Additionally, if this is no simple dream, why doesn’t Elliot remember this supposed event? Last but not least, what do you make of Elliot’s appearance change within the dream, and what do you think the meaning of the lantern is?

mathtans

I don't think it's a nightmare on elm street kind of thing, because Crystal Lake was dropped as a reference, so these sorts of things already exist in the characters' universe.

Chapter 4, Elliot joins an elf help group.

RebelVampire

but see thats the genius of it. drop the refs, nobody thinks anything of it and is like "ah just a red herring"

and then boom

dream murderer

Kabocha

THE DREAM WAS A WARNING I don't know if the "Starve it" Though... well. Maybe it wants to eat his dreams. Dream eater. OH MY GOD ELLIOT'S BEING HUNTED BY A DROWZEE

Darkhalo4321

THAT PUN WAS GOLD

That would be sneaky!

mathtans

It can't be a simple dream either way. Mandy joined him. That can't be a normal thing for ghosts. Can it?

RebelVampire

yeah starve it really interesting. cause what do you have to deprive the creature or whatever it is of to starve it? is elliot just not supposed to get eaten? is it dreams? is it ghosts?

although maybe its the lantern

nah

no way that was just a dream

Kabocha

Maybe. The lantern did come out as danger started to come near

RebelVampire

that was a vision

Kabocha

what is Mandy anyway

didn't he say that she was never alive to begin with? Or was he speaking generally

....What if Mandy was a victim of the thing?

RebelVampire

or even worse

mandy is the thing

SpazztastiKim

Scary

Darkhalo4321

Mandi is an imaginary friend taken form because of El? Maybe? Like, Can El manifest things?

Without knowing it-

RebelVampire

that could also be true

but im now sticking to the she is the thing one

cause it would explain why the wolf kicked her out

and said "no dream warnings for you"

Darkhalo4321

Aw

I know she's not like... real but she HAS FEELINGS DREAM WOLF

OH, but aside from just El having that one nightmare, apparently it's a prevalent problem going on- so it's not just isolated.

RebelVampire

ya know, i just want to point out if the dream wolf is going around warning ppl, the strategy is not very effective. fear is not the answer wolf.

Kabocha

Based on the comic description... We'll have to see more about that though

I dunno, if you scare someone enough, they'll stay away

Darkhalo4321

maybe el gets royal treatment of being warned

Kabocha

maybe the wolf is protecting the place where "it" is

Darkhalo4321

while everyone else just gets stalked with EYES

Kabocha

it's because he's acutally Frodo Baggins

Darkhalo4321

YES

HE IS SHORT

Kabocha

and the thing after them is Melkor. Or Sauron.

SpazztastiKim

obviously its voldemort

Darkhalo4321

!!!

you mean, he who should not be named!

Kabocha

GASP!

What about the Babadook

SpazztastiKim

my bad

OOF

RebelVampire

where elliot lives the dream wolf is just how the letters are delivered

Darkhalo4321

Baba Yaga

RebelVampire

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2597078/ch2-pg-17/ so i wonder who all the creepy ppl are in the bg

mathtans

Maybe it's like regular dreams, you don't really remember them unless you're woken up in the middle. So the wolf is waking everyone up with love bites.

RebelVampire

like was the creature born cause ppl were like "yaay sacrifice"

Kabocha

Oh, great, the wolf is my cat

SpazztastiKim

pfft

Darkhalo4321

if that's what you call a LOVE bite...>>

RebelVampire

the wolf is reading the wrong book of how to talk to humans

SpazztastiKim

lol

mathtans

There were five witnesses to the birth maybe, Rebel. They were summoned to the place in dreams.

Superjustinbros

HELLO

Kabocha

I'mma go out on a limb and say the people in the BG were part of the creation. THE COUNCIL OF CREATION A bunch of high elves that decided one day, "hey, let's just do this whole thing and nothing can go wrong" And Elliot was like, "NOPE" And died and went into another world where it was nearly unleashed upon them.

Justin, what are your thoughts on the Wolf and the Five people on Chapter 2, Page 17?

mathtans

They're looking at a heart.

Superjustinbros

Can I bring it home and call it Maniac?

SpazztastiKim

good name for it

Superjustinbros

Anyways hey there, sorry I'm a bit late

Room's getting redesigned but to stray from going offtopic I wanted to drop in and hand out and see what we're all talknig about tonight

RebelVampire

they are looking at a heart. Elliot was the mage who betrayed the council and realized his magic was for healing not the dark arts

Kabocha

Yep. We're talking about this week's comic -- Lodestar. As is the usual thing on the Thursday Bookclub~

Superjustinbros

Oh yea

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2597078/ch2-pg-17/ But really, I wonder what "it" is. .... Maybe there was a ritual.

Superjustinbros

Is that white line it's eye

Kabocha

Also -- did Eliot's magical scratch appear when the lantern showed up I'm just noticing this Does magic have a price?

RebelVampire

i assum eyes, the white line is its eye

that page did have the atmosphere of ritual

mostly cause of the heart

you dont hold beating hearts unless youre doing a ritual

idk i couldnt figure out when the scratch showed up. id have to look again super close

Darkhalo4321

It's def. Skooky

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2547332/ch2-pg14/ It's this page, Rebel

Superjustinbros

I ruined the feel of this image

SpazztastiKim

pfft(edited)

meme material

Darkhalo4321

I mean- MAYBE the wolf thing, wants to be empathetci?

Kabocha

"The woods cried out: FEED ME pls can i haz yer dinner hoomin"

Darkhalo4321

also likes hoomin heartz

SpazztastiKim

GOOD LORD XDD

mathtans

The whole glowing eyes thing is pretty cool. Not sure how the effect is done, but nice.

Darkhalo4321

It's not like I LIKE you or anything! B-BAKA!

SpazztastiKim

TSUNDERE DEMON

Darkhalo4321

kiss kiss fall in the lake!

Kabocha

Also likes hoomin necks They are like beef, but more gamey

mathtans

Maybe the demon is actually that aunt, the one who made the tea.

SpazztastiKim

Nom nom

Darkhalo4321

D:

Taylor?!

Kabocha

... I mean, dreams can be representational

so you got a Mama Wolf protectin' her youngins

Darkhalo4321

maybe- el is part dream wolf?

SpazztastiKim

i'm dead

mathtans

Yis. Summoned Elliot into town so the ghost Mandy could help.

"My other form is also a wolf."

RebelVampire

elliot wasnt real all along

he was summon

Kabocha

Oh no

Darkhalo4321

MAYBE- el is the creation woooooo

Kabocha

This isn't Final Fantasy 10, Rebel

unless we're getting meta, and we need El's father to be the wolf -- a summon from a dream becomes a dreaming summoned beast...

Darkhalo4321

I mean like-

We haven't SEEN el's dad yet so

Superjustinbros

"Hey, you OK?" "Does this look "Okay" to you?!"

_okay I'm done

Back to the comic

RebelVampire

yeah i was just about to say this is really gonna mess up the archives if it continues since i cant include images XD

Superjustinbros

Yeah lol

I feel like the joke has run it's course anyways

SpazztastiKim

I'm crying

Superjustinbros

You can only hammer in a joke edit so many times before it stops being entertaining

RebelVampire

onto the scratch. i get more the impression that the scratch was gonna happen anyway and the lantern showed up saying "hey stop scratching my boy"

Kabocha

image: [Elliot: don't make me Tidus- I wanna be Cloud]

SpazztastiKim

asdfghjkl!!!!

Superjustinbros

you wanna be a Cloud?

Darkhalo4321

giant SWORD

Superjustinbros

Oh that Cloud

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Early on, we learn that Elliot is supposedly psychic or an empath. Do you think Elliot is telling the truth about mostly just seeing ghosts, or does he really have other psychic powers as the others accuse him of? Who exactly do you think Mandy is, and what do you make of her closeness with Elliot? In other words, how do you think the two met? Do you think Elliot was born with whatever powers he has, or does it somehow tie into the creature he was warned about in the dream? Overall, how do you think Elliot’s abilities will help or hinder him in his task? What about in general for his newfound life in the town?

Kabocha

Elliot would not be a good Cloud, honestly. He's got too much personality, and too little damage from experimentation

Superjustinbros

Well we've seen a demon and a ghost so...

Kabocha

I THINK Mandy is his sister from another life. Or his best friend. And she couldn't be reincarnated with him, so she stuck around.

RebelVampire

was gonna go with his stillborn sister who never was

Darkhalo4321

But she was stated as never having BEEN alive?

That she wasn't real?

Kabocha

She's real for sure

She could also be a magic spirit, so she was never alive in the sense that humans would comprehend

Darkhalo4321

Real blue

SpazztastiKim

Har

mathtans

Elliot is all digital. He's in the Cloud.

RebelVampire

Elliot: I'm sorry Mandy but you're not real. Mandy: I'm...I'm floating right here and we're talking. Elliot: No, still not real.

Darkhalo4321

Maybe- El got the magic powers? ? From his last enounter that almost took him? And maybe mandi is some form of like... side kick from that?

Superjustinbros

Cloud saves? @mathtans

mathtans

I do think Elliot probably has other powers, but I don't think he actually knows about them. As to Mandy, I like Rebel's theory.(edited)

Kabocha

El goes on Dr. Phil, gets told "Perception is reality" Mandy laughs because... well

RebelVampire

so basically mandy is his familiar?

Superjustinbros

>Dr Phil I haven't heard that in a long time

Seems like it

Darkhalo4321

honestly, El would just sass his way out of dr. phil's show. they'd be like plz leave

Maybe?

RebelVampire

thats when they send him to jerry springer

mathtans

How did Mandy get her name? She must have existed at some point. Elliot doesn't seem like the type to just come up with that name, he's too introverted.

Kabocha

Maybe she has some sort of secret magic name

Darkhalo4321

Maybe Mandi named herself?

or came with a name?

Kabocha

and "Mandy" is just short for like Almandiasoriginamyeriath

mathtans

Bless you.

Darkhalo4321

cough kabo that's... I'm dying XD

Kabocha

HEY I know what "Bless you" means in some places!

Darkhalo4321

Salude

SpazztastiKim

ME TOO

Superjustinbros

Gesundheit.

RebelVampire

if we go with reincarnation being in this, maybe mandy isnt real cause she hasnt moved on in this life, has no memories of her past, and is basically just an empty shell floating around

Darkhalo4321

Oooh?

That's an interesting theory

Superjustinbros

I've seen stories with spirits like this

Kabocha

I'm curious to see what Mandy is later in the story, though. Like, if she's not real, then what is she. I'm pretty sure if she got kicked out of the dream, she's got some substance to her.

Superjustinbros

Yeah..

RebelVampire

well i guess it largely depends on what elliot's definition of real is

Darkhalo4321

:0

RebelVampire

i could also argue elliot is just deluding himself as to whether shes real or not because its how he protects his sanity

cause elliot doesnt seem fond of the idea that he has powers

so if he pretends none of its real its fine

Darkhalo4321

Yeah considering that he got REAL dark real fast when Becky kind of prodded him about the idea of it being... odd-

but thank god for Mandi she reeled that back in fast.

Kabocha

Elliot's been through some crap, hasn't he

Darkhalo4321

I FEEL like it- He's been through something- :/ but what? WHO knows-

RebelVampire

Elliot remembers the great elf war

Darkhalo4321

maybe el is actually an elf from another world, and this is an isekai story and we have no idea

Kabocha

"Remembers" only in his dreams

I AM DOWN FOR THIS

Darkhalo4321

reverse isekai?

RebelVampire

i am ok with this

Kabocha

YEP.

SpazztastiKim

Y'all would be great at DnD

Darkhalo4321

I'm going to get yelled at aren't I?

Superjustinbros

is not a DnD player(edited)

Kabocha

I'm also cool with it being a reincarnation story, or just that El gets to see all sorts of monstrous things because he's got some sort of magic shenanigans going on

Darkhalo4321

poor unfortunate soooooul

RebelVampire

im ok as long as elliot lives to tell the story cause the world would be a lesser place without his snark

Darkhalo4321

I would cry

SpazztastiKim

X'D

Darkhalo4321

I would actually FLY TO KIM'S AND we'd have a long talk

>:T

#teamelliotlives

SpazztastiKim

-tosses the idea pretending I never planned it-

mathtans

Maybe Mandy will start possessing people. Suddenly Becky gets real mellow. Suspicious.

SpazztastiKim

pfft

Superjustinbros

Oh good just what we need

Ghosts doing ghost stuff

RebelVampire

wait maybe mandy is just the manifestation of elliot's lantern hence why she was never alive and isnt real

Kabocha

WAIT, Is there a risk of people actually dying in this story ... ...Kim are you going to kill off Elliot

SpazztastiKim

no

Darkhalo4321

I feel like Becky would out.... do a ghost?

SpazztastiKim

HA

Darkhalo4321

SHE IS JUST TOO MUICH spirit for them XD

RebelVampire

Tom though is probably doomed for possession

SpazztastiKim

Poor Tom

Kabocha

.... Oh god you're probably right Rebel

Darkhalo4321

Becky is the one that would go " NO YOU DONT! " and unpossess herself with will power

Kabocha

Tom gets possessed and he seese EVERY HORRIBLE THING he's forced to do to feed the hunger

Darkhalo4321

NOT TOM

Kabocha

turns out the hunger is just really into chocolates

SpazztastiKim

PFFT

Darkhalo4321

NOOOO

Kabocha

They break into a Godiva shop with Tom's body

Superjustinbros

Did someone say chocolates?

Darkhalo4321

CHOCOLATE?!

Superjustinbros

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2771909/ch3-pg14/ I wonder what flavor everyone's getting then

Kabocha

The Wolf isn't super keen on the whole Chocolates thing though, because, y'know, theobromine poisoning...

SpazztastiKim

hehe

Darkhalo4321

so that's why the wolf says STARVE it

Superjustinbros

Tsundre wolf cannot consume ice cream

RebelVampire

well at least a chocolate quest would be more pleasant than alternatives XD

Darkhalo4321

TRUE

Superjustinbros

XD

Chocolate Ice Cream? :3

RebelVampire

thats going too far in the sweets department questing O_O

Kabocha

Hey, at least Tom won't have to gorge himself on other things. But they do find out their local big box store was robbed of all its chocolate rabbits around easter...

SpazztastiKim

Truly the worst that could happen to this town(edited)

RebelVampire

but after Tom is freed hed never want to eat chocolate ever again

Kabocha

That's a tragedy.

Superjustinbros

RIP Chocolate rabbits.

RebelVampire

i want to see more tom though. i appreciate his calm demeanor in the face of the girls rampant amounts of energy

Darkhalo4321

Yes

Tom seems like the, solid rock founddation of the group type

mathtans

I like that idea that Mandy is just the manifestation of some object. Maybe something Elliot carries with him. A watch? He was good at pegging tea time.

RebelVampire

also cause tom is the useful one. cause becky is like "FARM FESTIVAL" and Ally is like "SWIMMING AND ICE CREAM" meanwhile tom is being a good boy and researching stuff for elliot

mathtans

Tom is a good counterpoint. He understands all the characters too.

Darkhalo4321

Like Hey let's do the job our club is suppose to do, shall we?

RebelVampire

Elliot is a time lord

mathtans

Oh yeah, the Farm Festival is sure to be a plot point. It's a metaphor for something.

RebelVampire

mystery solved(edited)

Darkhalo4321

I mean, if this were ouran host club, he's kyouya ... the only one that keeps the club on TASK

mathtans

Elliot's consciousness is trapped in a pocketwatch. With Mandy.

RebelVampire

ya know i could dig time lord elliot tho for reals. cause it explains why hes an elf or something. he just time travels and forgets he time travels. but why he knows how to save ppl from falling stuff

Kabocha

The farm festival will be... full of lore. About how they had the festival to appease a hungry beast.

Superjustinbros

oh boy

Darkhalo4321

Maybe

They farm

hearts

SpazztastiKim

HA

gross

Kabocha

Hey, the heart could have been a Deer Heart

Darkhalo4321

was it though?

Kabocha

Coulda been.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. As the comic opens up, we meet a slew of characters and learn some notable things in regards to dream. What do you make of the fact another person is supposedly having intense dreams similar to Elliot’s? Does this have anything to do with the creature, or is it simply a red herring? If it does have something to do with it, what do you think Elliot will have to do about it to help the victim? In general, how do you think the dream club Elliot joined will help him in his overall task? Moving on from Elliot, which of Elliot’s friends are you looking forward to learning more about? In what ways do you think these friends might help Elliot deal with his problems and his quest?

Superjustinbros

How intense we talking? Like, Math Test insane?

Darkhalo4321

WELL Becky has every intention of making sure el has a social life, some what-

Tom will probably ensure no one dies- or he'll die trying.

RebelVampire

dark no

dont even suggest tom dies

Darkhalo4321

What if

he does die tho

RebelVampire

protect that child

Darkhalo4321

D:

RebelVampire

no protect that child

Darkhalo4321

Ally tho

RebelVampire

or dont and be optimistic and assume him becoming a ghost will make him the most powerful being

Darkhalo4321

:0

Ghost Tom

mathtans

Elliot's the replacement Chosen One. The current one in town is having trouble.

Darkhalo4321

current one?

Superjustinbros

?

SpazztastiKim

esplain Mathans

Kabocha

So, if we were to categorize these characters as horror characters...

Darkhalo4321

NOOOO

like horror movie horror, or like scary movie parody horror?

SpazztastiKim

Yes

Superjustinbros

Oh dear, this is gonna be fun >:3

Kabocha

.... Elliot's our Canary, though sometimes the canary lives Tom's dead. I'm sorry. Becky will be scarred for life, but probably will be the one carrying the plot and making sure everyone survives. Allison... She will not be in the horror parts. She'll be the character that calls the cops at the end.

Superjustinbros

rip Tom.

RebelVampire

no all of you need to stop killing off tom

SpazztastiKim

Just straight up kill off Tom

RebelVampire

the next page of the comic is literally just a dagger flying through the window and stabbing tom in the heart

Darkhalo4321

I'm pretty sure I saw the next page, can confirm

Superjustinbros

oof

Darkhalo4321

tom actually falls backwards out of his chair and LANDS on a dagger. effectively killing him off. Then the comic ends. Tom was the danger ALL ALONG(edited)

Superjustinbros

Dear god

That's cold

SpazztastiKim

A twist to make m night shyamalan proud

Kabocha

Lol Justin if you believe that you obviously haven't read through this comic

RebelVampire

no no the comic continues. the wolf comes back and is like "bro i told you to starve it not kill it. youre under arrest. this is a sting operation"

Darkhalo4321

XD

SpazztastiKim

-wheeze-

Darkhalo4321

Elliot gets hauled off to DREAM JAIL

Mandi is denied visitation rights

Becky becomes his laywer

RebelVampire

then elliot becomes a dream defense attorney and has to prove his own innocence

becky would be a scary lawyer

like

i could just see her taking the floor and talking for hours

and her client is found innocent just cause the jury wants to go home

Darkhalo4321

She'd probably make a good case though-

Superjustinbros

@Kabocha Even if I did that's still pretty cold lol

Darkhalo4321

Jury: She talked for 5 hours, but... she wasn't wrong innocent!

Wolf thing : damn it!

SpazztastiKim

Ghost Tom: Language...

Darkhalo4321

Elliot: @#$% the establishment! throws a chair

Everyone just has the surprised pikachu face, after that!

SpazztastiKim

HA

Superjustinbros

That face is glorious

RebelVampire

at this point i think were just all drunk and have gone mad with power

SpazztastiKim

lol probably

RebelVampire

im really curious to see what happens at the farm festival tho. mostly just cause maybe nothing bad will happen and theyll just have fun. like go on a nice hay ride

that will not trigger unpleasant memories and not start a fire to the whole festival

SpazztastiKim

hay rides are included tho

Kabocha

Maybe we'll find out that they have a sleep study at the contest

erm

festival

Darkhalo4321

And then after it's been ALL good- and it's all fun and stuff-

Kabocha

why am I thinking contest

Darkhalo4321

THEN

Superjustinbros

Oh god what's happennig here now

Darkhalo4321

then it will go downhill

Kabocha

Yep. It'll be a hot mess. AND FREDDY RETUR--- wrong series

RebelVampire

id really want to see elliot in a sleep study now tho

just imagine the scientists face afterwards

as theyre like wtf are these readings

Superjustinbros

oh boy

Kabocha

"This boy never enters REM sleep!?"

RebelVampire

what is life

Kabocha

"How is he alive?!"

Darkhalo4321

Right?

my question exactly ^^^ lol(edited)

RebelVampire

elliot was the one to have never been alive to begin with. the whole mandy thing is him projecting

Darkhalo4321

it would explain why some scenes have her split off of him?

Kabocha

oh that would be a twist.

Two souls one body?

Darkhalo4321

THAT IS MY JAM

RebelVampire

i had considered that as a realistic possibility. or more that mandy is just an aspect of elliot's soul

SpazztastiKim

-watches with entertained glee-

Darkhalo4321

Oh maybe?

RebelVampire

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2704817/ch3-pg4/ off topic but i just noticed that computer has a pear on it and that makes me laugh

Darkhalo4321

Like the NICE version of who El is, and all the snark remained in the actual body

El is just Snark

that's it

TOM HOW CAN YOU

Superjustinbros

Shoutouts to Pear Products

mathtans

Sorry, called to crib. Have we talked about the title yet? With "lode"star? Is that like a metaphor for Elliot's powers, or something else?

RebelVampire

we have not talked about it.

mathtans

(As to explaining about the chosen one thing, the person with night terrors in town wasn't responding properly, so that's how Elliot ended up in town too.)

Darkhalo4321

We havent'

RebelVampire

i assumed it was a play on a lodestone

Darkhalo4321

I don't actually know about the title so much

PROBABLY

What is a lodestone?

RebelVampire

“A lodestone is a naturally magnetized piece of the mineral magnetite. They are naturally occurring magnets, which can attract iron. The property of magnetism was first discovered in antiquity through lodestones.”

Darkhalo4321

Hm

RebelVampire

elliot is the attracter of evil

Darkhalo4321

PROBABLY

el is an unlucky person

Kabocha

MAGNETIC SOUL

SpazztastiKim

poor kid

mathtans

Mandy being part of his soul is interesting. It reminds me, I liked in the first chapter how there were hints of her at times, and eventually it became clear.

Oh yeah, and I loved the Pear Computer, Rebel. Glad you remembered to mention it.

Yeah, I thought it was like lodestone, but being a star, maybe it's good somehow even though there's a burden involved.

RebelVampire

i liked the small hints but at the same time i was confused and wondered if he was communicating telepathically with becky XD

Kabocha

I'm curious to see where this all goes. There's not enough information to really like, get super crazy with fandom yet

mathtans

I did wonder where the thoughts were coming from.

Also, before the end, gotta mention the Becky and Ally ship. Those two can feed off each others' energy, it's sweet.

Darkhalo4321

they can power the entire town with their energy

RebelVampire

i will support the elliot/tom ship

Superjustinbros

Since the CTP is ending in a bit, thanks for the CTR, and thanks for the cool comic as well @SpazztastiKim, it was fun checking it out

mathtans

There you go. Can't ship Tom with his sister, after all.

Darkhalo4321

El == shippable with everyone honestly

mathtans

El is shippable with the wolf?

Darkhalo4321

...

SpazztastiKim

asdfghjkl

Kabocha

...yes

RebelVampire

yes

Darkhalo4321

I MEAN, as Friends?

Kabocha

BFFS

Darkhalo4321

El seems like he needs more FRIENDS

Kabocha

Anyway! Thank you Kim! I look forward to seeing where this comic goes~

Darkhalo4321

and boy and his aggressive wolf friend

mathtans

Wolf's name is probably Lodestar. Got it from a book.

Best with it, Kim!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to SasstastiKim, as well, for making Lodestar. If you liked the comic, make sure to support SasstastiKim’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/

SasstastiKim’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SpazztastiKim

SasstastiKim’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/SpazztastiKim

[immortallaughter]

Scar Buddies (pt 1)

This is just a pure fan indulgence here, m’kay? 

Both characters are original characters created for The Arcana Game owned by Nix Hydra. @thearcanagame (if you don’t already play it, go do that...now. GO! Thank me later)

The babe Halla belongs to the AMAZING @linaisbluepancake (go check her blog out. If you don’t fall in love with Halla or Lina’s artwork at first sight, I’ll know you’re lying.) Beatrice is my OC!

Beatrice lay flat on her back, the midday sun baking her scarred tawny skin. The hustle and bustle of Vesuvia buzzed lazily below the roof that the apprentices had climbed to a few hours prior, to escape the pesky rounds of the guards. The city below swarmed like an ant hill, with various merchants and travelers bustling about. People watching had grown dull quickly and the game of cat and mouse with the patrolling guards was most likely through. Taking a deep breath, the mage could catch wafts from the bakery, mixed with incense and other market goods. Nothing, however, was catching her interest.

“At least this morning was productive!”

Beatrice grumbled to herself, running a sun warmed hand over her face. The scar running through her left eyebrow and down her cheek felt as though it was beginning to sunburn, which meant they had been idle long enough.

She sighed, looking down from the open windowsill where she’d perched herself in the watchtower at Halla, who was much in the same stupor of boredom sprawled out on the floor. A gentle breeze picked up, blowing the girl’s cream colored curls over her face, making her wake from the nap she had been taking. Her freckled face scrunched up in mild annoyance, as she pushed her unruly hair back off her face, giving a long catlike stretch as she regained her bearings. Halla tilted her head, attempting to see her eyebrow scar twin, who liked to hide in hidden corners way up high like an anti social bird. Beatrice made no attempt to move her body, but waved a lazy hello towards the ground.

“Busy whining up there?” Halla teased, lifting a thick brow in amusement when she heard a haughty scoff.

“Me? Complain about having nothing to do? Never.” The mage could practically hear Halla rolling her eyes at the sarcasm in her retort. Beatrice could actually count the number of times she had complained that day alone on one hand, which made a slight blush creep over her cheeks.

“I-I dont!” She protested weakly, realizing she was complaining about not complaining and was playing right into her friends ruse.

“Uh huh.” Halla smirked, the dimples on her cheeks clearly showing she was enjoying herself. Her freckled face scrunched up as she began to laugh at her scar twin, who was pouting up in the shadows, crossing her arms defiantly against the truth. Victory. Halla one, Beatrice zero.

“Fine. I whine on occasion, okay?!” Beatrice spat, hating how hot her cheeks felt with the yellow sun poking fun at her too. Halla had curled into a ball of laughter on the floor, collecting herself as she got comfortable again on the warm bricks.

Suddenly, an idea began to form in the back of Beatrice’s mind. A tricky idea, that involved the person she’d chosen to dislike from the moment he’d poured wine over the dress she had been wearing. Consul Valerius.

Oh, this was going to be good.

The mage bit her lip to hold back a chuckle, as she calculated the details of just how to hit him where it hurt and an escape route to boot. Foolproof, or at least mostly. Regardless, it was something to pass the time. Beatrice quickly sat straight up, smacking her head against the rafter over herself, with a reverberating ding that echoed through the small space. Halla snickered hard, as she watched her friend rubbing the right side of her face while glaring at the pole.

After regaining some sort of dignity, Beatrice turned to face Halla, with a wicked grin pricking at the left side of her mouth. Nothing good ever came from this grin, but boy did that grin make good story material write itself.

“What are you plotting now, Trice?

Halla inquired with intrigue, propping herself up on one of her elbows. The two had met at the palace, when trying to help Nadia solve the murder of her late husband, the count. As fate would have it, the two trouble makers clicked from moment one, because they noticed each other’s scars. Nowadays, the scar buddies met up often to keep people on their toes. Usually to pull harmless pranks, but something about this particular grin, suggested whatever she’d just schemed was more than just a prank. Promiscuous.

Beatrice simply let the grin widen into a smirk as she began coyly.

“Hehe- you know how you said you liked my bad ideas?”

Halla nodded fighting back a laugh. That smug tone of voice was supposed to be clever, but it was just a cover for the playful nonsense the mage usually came up with.

Beatrice’s impossibly straight two toned hair flipped behind her like a cape, as she jumped down from the rafter next to Halla; gracefully landing with almost no sound. Years of mercenary work had its perks when it came to sneaking about the city. The dark brown part of her hair fell in her eyes fading into a copper curtain at the bottom until she straightened her posture. The tall lithe frame before Halla looked like a force not to be reckoned with, until the sun caught her “up to no good” smile dazzlingly in the mystical Vesuvian light.

Beatrice began speaking with an aura of mischief, shimmying her shoulders like an excited child.

“Well,” The mage’s copper eyes closed almost entirely with a smile that could plead innocence but was anything but that. “I’ve got a really terrific idea this time! What’d ya say?” She held out a hand, which Halla gripped onto for a boost to her feet.

“You’re on.”

Came her challenge, making Beatrice laugh heartily as she divulged her bright idea; lighting up her hands with light blue magic, which formed little ice crystals along her fingertips as she looked into her friend’s dark brown eyes.

“Up for a little...wine tasting? I know where a certain someone lives, and where he keeps his keys to his personal cellar.” Halla put both hands on her hips, with enough sass, that Nadia would have proudly applauded her for. “Says the one who doesn’t drink?”

Beatrice shrugged, that particular piece of information was invalid. There was fun to be had and another grin was working it’s way onto her already quirked up lip.

“Let’s go!”

-- To be continued--

[jjarcc]

Brokeback Mountain and Brandon Teena

i think for me, growing up where i grew up was both good and bad. i spent a large portion of my childhood lonely, i felt isolated from other people no matter if they where adults or children. where i live its what i’ll call “the most souther” part of the midwest, we have the poverty and ideology of small-town southern america even deep into the city, and so i often find myself relating more to LGBT characters from movies set in the south rather than the cities in the north/east.

for me, Brokeback mouton really spoke to my heart. the large about of terror both men had for loving each other, the way the wives reacted when they realized their husbands where in love with one another, the movie in its whole.

the movie goes deeper than two repressed gay men having a beer and fuck once a year, the movies dives deeper into showing us the fear these men had. jacks pain and longing to be with ennis, while ennis was so scared of the idea of loving him openly that his emotions where completely shut off and absent throughout their relationship.

when ennis was young, his father had showed him some horrible shit- a gay man from their town bloody, mutilated and dead. jack never knew of this, but i believe that was the root of Dennis’s fear. he didn’t want that to be jack; or himself.

he had probably known, and likely his father too, and thats why they decided to add that into the movie. that particular scene was one of the most striking and powerful for me.

jacks family, however emotionless they where, where not like ennis’s. however, he had a lot of internalized turmoil. the turmoil turning to great frustration as time went on.

over the 20 years in their relationship, there was a lot of lying, tension, and even agony. all because of what? their fear of judgement? or, their fear of the worst; death.

when jack was found dead and ennis found out, i felt my heart stop. i felt that pain in that moment, that crushing pain that ennis felt. all his fears had come true. in a frantic frenzy to find out what happened, he called his lovers widow, and she then (as i assume) knew why her husband was always so joyful to go on those fishing trips.

the whole movie is powerful- and painful. it shows our terror to be ourselves, and shows how we often are treated.

another movie that i find myself relating to the most would be Boys Don’t cry, which is a film about Brandon Teena, a trans man who was murdered based on his identity.

(TW for some of what i talk about coming after this, there will be specific TW for when violence is mentioned)

brandon teena was born in lincoln Nebraska, which i don’t live 3 hours away from, so this one scared my pants off.

he had had quite a troubled childhood; his father died 8 months before he was born, and he spent the first few years of his childhood living with his grandmother, then eventually his mother. (TW) when he was young, he was sexually abused by his uncle, and eventually sought counseling for this.

in 1993, after some legal trouble, he moved to falls city nebraska where he first started identifying as a man openly, and then met Lana Tisdel, and some convicts by the names of John Lotter and Marvin Nissen.

in late december 1993 brandon was arrested for forging checks, and Lana ended up paying his bail. he was thrown into a woman jail, and his girlfriend of course questioned him on it, to which he said he was a Hermaphrodite working towards a sex change, and they continued dating.

Brandon’s arrest was put in the papers, and so he was outted. now, heres the fucked up part; his murder.

now, i couldn’t make myself watch this far into the actual movie, so I’m going off of a wikipedia article now, but i know it was bad. so TW for this part.

this is copied from wikipedia but ill edit it some:

During a Christmas Eve party, Nissen and Lotter grabbed Teena and forced him to remove his pants, proving to Tisdel that Teena was anatomically female. Tisdel said nothing and looked only when they forced her. Lotter and Nissen later assaulted Teena, and forced him into a car. They drove to an area by a meat-packing plant in Richardson County, where they assaulted and gang raped him. They then returned to Nissen's home where Teena was ordered to take a shower. Teena escaped from Nissen's bathroom by climbing out the window, and went to Tisdel's house. He was convinced by Tisdel to file a police report, though Nissen and Lotter had warned Teena not to tell the police about the gang rape or they would "silence him permanently". Teena also went to the emergency room where a standard rape kit was assembled, but later lost. Sheriff Charles B. Laux questioned Teena about the rape; reportedly, he seemed especially interested in Teena's transsexuality, to the point that Teena found his questions rude and unnecessary, and refused to answer. Nissen and Lotter learned of the report, and they began to search for Teena. They did not find him, and three days later, the police questioned them. The sheriff declined to have them arrested due to lack of evidence.

Around 1:00 a.m. on December 31, 1993, Nissen and Lotter drove to Lambert's house and broke in. They found Lambert in bed and demanded to know where Teena was. Lambert refused to tell them. Nissen searched and found Teena under the bed. The men asked Lambert if there was anyone else in the house, and she replied that Phillip DeVine, who at the time was dating Tisdel's sister, was staying with her. They then shot and killed DeVine, Lambert and Teena in front of Lambert's toddler. Nissen later testified in court that he noticed that Teena was twitching, and asked Lotter for a knife, with which Nissen stabbed Teena in the chest, to ensure that he was dead. Nissen and Lotter then left, later being arrested and charged with murder.

one of the real kickers for me, is that brandon’s grave is written as “Daughter, Sister, And friend”.

Because Teena had neither commenced hormone replacement therapy nor had sex reassignment surgery, he has sometimes been identified as a lesbian by media reporters. However, some reported that Teena had stated that he planned to have sex reassignment surgery.

JoAnn Brandon sued Richardson County and Sheriff Laux for failing to prevent Brandon's death, as well as being an indirect cause. She won the case, which was heard in September 1999 in Falls City, and was awarded $80,000. District court judge Orville Coady reduced the amount by 85 percent based on the responsibility of Nissen and Lotter, and by one percent for Brandon's alleged contributory negligence. This led to a remaining judgment of responsibility against Richardson County and Laux of $17,360.97. In 2001, the Nebraska Supreme Court reversed the reductions of the earlier award reinstating the full $80,000 award for "mental suffering", plus $6,223.20 for funeral costs. In October 2001, the same judge awarded the plaintiff an additional $12,000: $5,000 for wrongful death, and $7,000 for the intentional infliction of emotional distress. Laux was also criticized after the murder for his attitude toward Teena – at one point, Laux referred to Brandon as "it". After the case was over, Laux served as commissioner of Richardson County and later as part of his community's council before retiring as a school bus driver. He has refused to this day to speak about his actions in the case and swore at one reporter who contacted him for a story on the murder's twentieth anniversary.

In 1999, Brandon became the subject of a biographical film entitled Boys Don't Cry, directed by Kimberly Peirce and starring Hilary Swank as Teena and Chloë Sevigny as Tisdel. For their performances, Swank won and Sevigny was nominated for an Academy Award. Tisdel sued the producers of the film for unauthorized use of her name and likeness before the film's release. She claimed the film depicted her as "lazy, white trash, and a skanky snake". Tisdel also claimed that the film falsely portrayed that she continued the relationship with Teena after she discovered that Teena was transgender. She eventually settled her lawsuit against the movie's distributor for an undisclosed sum.[14][15]

JoAnn Brandon publicly objected to the media referring to her child as "he" and "Brandon". Following Hilary Swank's Oscar acceptance speech, JoAnn Brandon took offence at Swank for thanking "Brandon Teena" and for referring to him as a man. "That set me off", said JoAnn Brandon. "She should not stand up there and thank my child. I get tired of people taking credit for what they don't know. However, in 2013, JoAnn told a reporter that she accepted Teena being referred to as transgender in the media. Although she was unhappy with the way Boys Don't Cry portrayed the situation, she said about the film, "It gave them [gay and transgender advocates] a platform to voice their opinions, and I'm glad of that. There were a lot of people who didn't understand what it was she (Teena) was going through. We've come a long way". When asked to how the murder affects her life today, JoAnn replied, "I wonder about how my life would be different if she was still here with me. She would be such a joy to have around. She was always such a happy kid. I imagine her being a happy adult. And if being happy meant Teena living as a man, I would be fine with that."

Brandon, an interactive web artwork created in 1998 by Shu Lea Cheang, was named for Brandon Teena. The artwork was commissioned by the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum. Much of the site's content relates to Brandon's story.[36]

The British duo Pet Shop Boys released a song called "Girls Don't Cry" (a bonus track on U.K. issue of I'm with Stupid) about Teena in 2006. Vancouver-based pop-punk band JPNSGRLS released the song "Brandon", off their debut 2014 album Circulation, in memory of Brandon Teena.

boys dont cry was very hard for me to watch because i felt a sense of attachment to brandon, both in personality and feeling. i felt like i really understood, and it scared me.

both brockback mountain and Boys Dont Cry are amazing movies, if you can, check them out. they deserve all the appreciation they can get. 

[utatapyon]

hey! i have a question haha, uhm, why do ppl ship shinsou and ojiro?? its, pretty unusual??? (im not trying to be rude i swear, i just dont get why them lol) like, have they even interacted directly??? i dont remember if they did oops

HI THERE FRIEND LET ME SHOW YOU THE MAGICAL WORLD OF SHINOJI

I personally started shipping it after they interacted in the cavalry battle- where Shinsou had brainwashed Ojiro into being on his team. This was where Ojiro grew some disdain for Shinsou and he withdrew from advancing to the next stage of the tournament as a result, since he didn’t feel like he had earned his spot in the battle round. Shinsou also had some dislike for Ojiro, calling him a “monkey” (Wow such creative insults) and thinking he was foolish for dropping out at such a crucial stage that COULD IMPACT HIS FUTURE CAREER AS A HERO.

So they didn’t start on a good note. But Ojiro doesn’t seem to be the guy to hold grudges (my soft sweet boy), especially not once he had calmed down and reflected on the situation- Shinsou used his quirk to his advantage to show what he could do, which was one of the main points of the tournament. He’d probably approach Shinsou to let him know that there were no hard feelings.

Shinsou might apologize since there is a fair chance he’d get transferred into the hero stream, and having allies and friends would be a must (besides Midoriya, because Midoriya is the default friend). And since he’d already left a sour taste for Blasty Mcsplode, having friends would definitely help him in the event he transferred.

Why ship?

1. Lots of interesting potential for relationship building (PLEASE SEE THIRD ANN ARTWORK OF SHINSOU TALKING TO OJIRO AND OJIRO SMILING)

2. I headcannon that Ojiro would be a logical/great peer to be chosen by Aizawa to help with Shinsou’s training to get him up to speed with the heroics students. A guy with a plain, no nonsense quirk who relies mostly on hth combat and skill would be better than pitting a newbie up against most of the other 1A students. And Ojiro would always fight fair. He could also help Shinsou outside of school with hth combat and perfecting martial arts techniques.

3. Have you seen how cute they’d be together? Aesthetically pleasing.

4. Makes more sense than a bunch of other ships. Besides, everyone is free to ship what their heart desires~

I hope this answers your questions!

[allofbeercom]

Violence in Capitol Hill: is this the end of the line for Seattle’s gay neighborhood?

In response to the recent spate of LGBT hate crimes, residents are pushing back against the influx of tech bros who are displacing and harming the community

It was barely 10 minutesinto 2014 when smoke began to float towards the ceiling in Neighbors, a Seattle LGBT nightclub where around 750 people partied to welcome the new year. Empty glasses of champagne began to pile in trash cans around the dance floor.

As the stairwell fire started, alcohol-infused club goers continued partying as the music played on. It was at that point that Steve Tracy, the clubs general manager for over 20 years, smelled the smoke.

As the club was evacuated by Tracy and his staff, the party-goers still didnt realize what went on. They were pushed into an alley near the intersection of Pike and Broadway in the traditionally LGBT neighborhood of Capitol Hill. Thankfully, no one was hurt.

Musab Masmari, the man who had jumped a fence to enter the club with a gasoline canister to start the fire, now faces 10 years in prison.

This type of incident would become emblematic of a climate change already in progress within the LGBT neighborhood. Since 1 January 2014, there have been more than 200 reported bias incidents in Seattle, including a double homicide involving two gay men and a second fire-attempt at the nightclub all disproportionately targeting LGBT people. The latest report for the first half of 2015 showed a 56% increase compared with 2014, according to the Seattle police department.

Long-term Capitol Hill residents dont know how to stop this influx of violence. But for some, the culprits are easily identifiable: tech bros.

My husband Michael and I were recently out on a Saturday night and were walking around the Pine/Pike Corridor, Mayor Ed Murray, the citys first openly gay mayor, said sitting his office one recent afternoon. And we looked at each other and said: my God, what happened to the gays? Literally, who are all of these straight people in our neighborhood?

These straight people the mayor refers to are part of the influx of tech workers who have flooded the city since the opening of major campuses and offices in the area close to Capitol Hill.

Although Seattle is one of the gayest city in America recently released census data shows the city of Seattle saw a 52% increase in same-sex couples from 2010 to 2012 the Capitol Hill neighborhood saw a 23% decline of LGBT people living there during the same period. Meanwhile, rents have also gone up by more than 33%, according to Zillow.

As new glass and steel condos are sprouting across the skyline, many LGBT people fear to walk down streets they used to call their own. So theyve begun to push back.

John Cristicellos artwork. Photograph: Conor MacBride

The artist John Cristicello, one of the many LGBT people against this dwindling of queer in the area, sits atop a magazine stand outside his art studio, arms covered in tattoos. His artwork is now infamous the area. One of his pieces states: We came here to get away from you. Another shows a tech bro in a hat, holding a beer and stating: No faggots better look at me. Cristicello explained: I saw that guy. I heard him say that. And I was like, why are you even fucking here if you dont want faggots to look at you?

My art is a declaration to interlopers in the neighborhood like, dont fuck with us, Cristicello explains. It wasnt me trying to fix anything, but hold a mirror up.

Above him is a large painting in progress showing the iconic Space Needle on fire.

In fall 2014, openly gay police officer Jim Ritter, the LGBT liaison for Seattle police department, began receiving phone calls asking the same question: Why is there such explosive growth of hate crimes in Seattle?

I [remember pulling] the statistics for the previous year and not seeing any explosive growth, Ritter recalls. But he would then ask: Why do you think there is such explosive growth?

Callers would then spout off names of friends they knew were attacked, or the name of intersections where they knew bias violence had occurred. Ritter quickly realized that none of these had been reported to the police.

Oh, boy, Ritter remembers thinking. We have a problem here.

Victims had compelling reasons for not doing so. I am not out yet. I was intoxicated. I didnt think the police would do anything, Ritters said. A lot of people were listening to the rhetoric around the country at the time to not trust the police, he added, referring to the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson.

To address this issue, Seattles Safe Place program began taking shape and eventually launched in May 2015. The program trains business owners on how to respond to bias incidents specifically LGBT ones if and when they happen around their business. It already includes 1,000 businesses displaying rainbow shields on front doors, including every Starbucks in the city.

Thanks to this gesture, LGBT people in Seattle now know they can enter that business if attacked and that owners will not hold any LGBT bias, allow them to call 911 and use their business as a safe place to hide until emergency responders can arrive.

Ritters feels its working. This past weekend, three people were attacked and reported the LGBT bias incident at a business with the rainbow shield stating Safe Place stuck on the front window.

Shaun Knittel, the founder of Social Outreach Seattle, has been of the most visible leaders in stopping the violence. As Knittel grew concerned about reports of violent assaults after the fire at Neighbors, he decided to launch a shuttle service to help people get home safely after a night out. The shuttle is an old van that he has painted pink and has the number to call for a ride displayed on the sides. Since it launched in March 2015, the shuttle has driven more than 700 people home.

We sometimes beat the police there and have to help the victims, even taking them to the hospital sometimes, Knittel says when discussing the weekends the service is provided. And that gives us a chance to talk to them and get them to report the incident, so its documented by the police.

But even with the success of this service, many still do not report hate crimes targeting the most vulnerable people within Seattles LGBT community.

Most of the people I know who are victims of hate crimes in the past few months are all trans women, says Jackie Sandberg, a hate crimes survivor in the area and leader with a local LGBT homeless group.

Sandberg, who works with many of the transgender and queer homeless people, believes they are probably targeted the most, but will not report to police because they are homeless, have prior arrests or just fear the police.

Sandberg, who has faced homelessness and has once been attacked by a couple who used a skateboard as a weapon, is part of a growing group of LGBT people in Seattle who believe these new efforts only protect well-off Capitol Hill residents.

I dont think queer people feel any more comfortable reporting the hate crimes now, Sandberg said in regards to the shuttle service and the police working intentionally on this issue. I think its more of an attempt by SPD [Seattle police department] to endear themselves to the more privileged white, higher-income queers that are [still] moving into the neighborhood.

So life goes on as usual for many.

A couple weeks ago, one of my trans girlfriends was walking up the Hill with her partner and there was a guy walking down the street, Sandberg said, before resuming passing out condoms on the streets of Capitol Hill. And all of a sudden he punches my girlfriend in the chest and then starts threatening her to come at him.

Sandberg says the friends escaped and didnt engage the man. When asked about the assailants appearance, the response is immediate: He seemed like one of those hip party people. Bro type.

The incident was never reported.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/violence-in-capitol-hill-is-this-the-end-of-the-line-for-seattles-gay-neighborhood/

[v-le]

Kmusic: My Decade-Long Journey with Kpop

Foreword: I had been working on this post for a few weeks now, in between university and everything else. In the middle of its composition, Kim Jonghyun of SHINee passed away and shocked the world. I, too, was appalled, and I don’t think I will ever properly recover from his death. I want to dedicate this post to him. This story is about how kpop has grown with me in life. This story defines everything I have ever thought or felt about kpop and that now, very much includes Jonghyun’s passing. 수고했어, 종현아.

Book 1

I can’t really recall it, but the very first kpop song I’ve ever listened to was either “Nobody” by Wonder Girls, “Genie” by SNSD, or “Gee” by SNSD. I was about seven years old around then. My cousin had shown my sister these songs and she, too, quickly got swept into the music. For the first years of this exposure, I had heard a myriad of songs ranging from Super Junior’s “Sorry Sorry”, SHINee’s “Replay” & “Ring Ding Dong” & “Lucifer”, Taeyang’s “Wedding Dress”, Big Bang’s “Gara Gara Go”, Infinite’s “BTD” & “She’s Back”, 2NE1’s “Fire” and many many manyyyy more. These songs would waft out of my sister’s speakers whenever I was using my computer next to her’s in the computer room. And during those first years, I flat out hated these songs. I didn’t understand anything they were saying. They sounded obnoxious. And these boys that my sister was obsessed with weren’t even that good looking. I can recall that she was specifically infatuated with Donghae of SJ during that time. I can also recall going as far as to mock some of these songs, especially “She’s Back” by repeating “cheese pack” in an annoying tone back to her. Despite my detest for kpop during these several years, I unknowingly picked up a lot of knowledge on it. I could name many groups and recognize many of their songs, all from the fact that my sister played so much of it and I had seen her computer screen many times. Nonetheless, I complained to my mom, that I didn’t understand why she listened to that stuff when she couldn’t even understand it. My mom had told me that it was totally fine, it’s simply about the beat of the music, and that you didn’t have to understand it to like it. I remember feeling a little upset because she defended my sister. All in all, during these years of premature kpop exposure, I was petty, unrelenting, and simply immature. I didn’t like kpop.

Book 2

I remember for some reason, reasons unknown, one day when I was at my friend’s house in 5th grade, I decided to show my friends “Ring Ding Dong” for fun. I remember a few days before that, I had watched the “Wedding Dress” MV for the first time on my own and I cried, too. During these next months, my pettiness towards kpop began to dampen and I started to get pretty good at recognizing groups and songs, and maybe even some faces. The only issue was that I tried immensely hard, as if my life depended on it, to not let my sister see what I was up to. I knew that I would receive massive backlash from her, for being such a hypocrite. So throughout 5th grade and a little bit of 6th, I started to dip my toes in a little, into the infinitely large pool that is kpop. I slowly and secretly, grew minuscule fondness for some songs, but not enough to want to add them to my music library. I kinda liked kpop.

Book 3

In the early days of middle school, a really good friend of mine loved Super Junior to death. Another friend of mine listened to some kpop, but only a little bit here and there. One day they showed me a song from LEDApple and I can officially say that they were the first group I completely fell for. LEDApple had such a different, dynamic and unique vibe to them, that I almost felt like I had triumphed over my sister. I had found and enjoyed a group that she probably did not know at all, and their music was actually really really really good. Personal favorites include “Time’s Up” and “Someone Met By Chance”. Much later, they released “Sadness” and I was even happier with that song. I quickly learned the names of all the members and I considered them my favorite group of all time. LEDApple was my introduction into this “fangirling” gig that kpoppers lowkey highkey have to keep up with. With LEDApple, I learned:

How to memorize members

That MV meant “music video”

How to watch every single video of them that existed on youtube (although for them, it was minimal because they were so unknown)

That subbers were a thing, and for specific groups, too

How to watch variety shows of them

How to memorize birthdays

That Koreans have a different age system than internationally

That they wear excessive makeup

And much, much, much more

I would consider LEDApple to be my “first” for everything. I really did cherish them as a group, along with their music, and I slowly learned the do’s and dont’s of kpop during this phase. More than LEDApple though, I quickly became even more aware of more groups and songs, and I started to favor some more than others too. I liked kpop.

Book 4

My love for LEDApple started to dwindle as I discovered and started to really like more groups like MBLAQ, Big Bang, SHINee, SNSD, B.A.P, B1A4 and especially Infinite. I completely fell for Infinite as I listened to songs like “Paradise”, “Be Mine”, and “Can U Smile”. And yes, as I listened to more of their discography, I recognized some songs as the ones my sister had played in the past as well. Then, they released the Chaser and it was game set from there. I remember searching up Infinite’s profiles, comparing the images with their MVs and matching their names with their faces. I remember when I first saw Woohyun in Be Mine, I thought that he looked like Harry Shum Jr. AHAH how wrong I was….  I also remember struggling a little bit because the profile pictures I used were from their debut, with their slicked back hair and white button shirts and suspenders :’). Soon enough, I became very familiar with everything Infinite-related and I eventually claimed them to be my favorite group of all time (and to this day, they have remained as so). I really liked kpop.

Book 5

This book becomes a little hard to explain, simply because I feel like my emotions seemed to be mundane externally, but inside, I know that they were deep with a sort of affection that words can never fully explain. My love for Infinite was immense, driven, and completely pure. I did not have a favorite member, because no really, I just couldn’t choose one. All their songs were absolutely amazing; Infinite taught me how to fall in love with even the non-title track songs. Their entire discography is the only discography of any artists that I know like the back of my hand. Their choreography was always on point; they prided in being 99.9% synchronized with knife-like moves. I really, truly thought that they were all handsome in their own, unique way. Their personalities were genuine and interactions were always hilarious and the brotherhood between the boys ran as deep as blood. Their early days were the brightest ones that I can recall, and I am so grateful to have watched them develop since. They were extremely relevant within the industry, and “The Chaser” lifted them to even newer heights. I clearly remember their 2nd anniversary as well. I remember thinking to myself, that they were “SO YOUNG!!”, with Sungjong being just 18 years old at that time (which is exactly how old I am now, YIKES). Awaiting a comeback after The Chaser era was definitely an eventful one because I was so expectant and excited and it was the first (of many) that I experienced as a full-fledged fan. It took them nearly a year, but they eventually returned with “Man in Love”, and then “Destiny” immediately afterwards, and then on November 11th, 2013, I had the miraculous blessing to see them live in concert. It was my first concert ever and it was during their first world tour, as mere 3-year idols. 2013 was a year of big feats for Infinite and it all really was just a blessing. A mere five months later, I would again, see them, at the LA Kpop Festival on April 12th, 2014. Boy, was it a time to be alive as an Inspirit.  During these few years, everything I did, in my life, really did revolve around them. My school projects, artwork, everything, had to relate to Infinite somehow. I made poems about them, I had collected a total of 24 posters of them on my wall, and I had also racked up physical copies of their albums, my first one being Infinitize on July 29th of 2012. When they posted fan events like the Infinite Love Letter Contest, and when the members used Google+ and when every little thing happened, I was there, and I was supporting them endlessly. As I transitioned into high school, Infinite released more and more things, and my love for them never dwindled, even for a second. When I went through rough times, in all the ways imaginable, Infinite was always there. In the beginning, I had made folders for photos of each member, otps, and the complete group on my computer. I even named the OT7 pictures folder “What I Live For ~”. My passwords all had to do with Infinite. I named all my devices like my computer and such “IFNT7”. The phrase “My love is Infinite” was my favorite of all time. Just the sight of some colors translated into Infinite to me. Every. Little. Thing. My heart belonged to Infinite more than ever. I loved and cherished them, and still do (but maybe not as blatantly), with a burning passion. And not just them, but I really did like other groups like ZE:A and T-ARA to name a few, during these times, but Infinite truly meant the world to me. I loved kpop, especially Infinite.

Book 6

During those fangirl days, I was not completely blinded by love to a point where I was oblivious to the future; rather, I was apprehensive in a way in which I knew that when I got “older”, I “wouldn’t love them as much”. I didn’t doubt that I wouldn’t stop listening to kpop, but I knew that i couldn’t be a diehard fangirl forever. And so, around 2015 ish is when school started to kick my butt, and i really did completely disconnect. Disclaimer though: I was still endlessly thankful for and in love with Infinite. I was so proud of them no matter what, and I supported them from the sidelines with a burning heart. In fact, despite the fact that the amount of attention I dedicated to them decreased, my love for them grew nonetheless. I was so so so thankful that they were just alive, whole, and still doing music. Together. However, I was physically and mentally incapable of keeping up to date with everything, not only Infinite-related, but kpop-related, during that time. I had realized that this was probably time to prioritize things in my life, and not feel so obliged to the whole kpop thing anymore. And so, with Infinite, I tried my best, but of course I did not try hard enough. I did enough to keep up with kpop releases and such, but that was about it. I had no time for shows and small activities and interviews, and all the things that I was an expert on in the past. I no longer had time to check thru all the infinite tumblr blogs I had bookmarked. Instead, I began to turn to the simpler things, as in the music. I realized that if there was one thing that was worthy of putting effort into, it was the music. I began to only care about the music that the kpop industry was churning out. And let me just say, that during this time was probably the beginning of the death of 2nd generation kpop as well. I started to dislike the style of music that Kpop was turning towards, and I noticed how saturated it was with random groups that couldn’t even leave a mark. I also noticed its immense rise in overall popularity: Kpop was becoming more and more mainstream at a rapid rate, and I was having none of it. Instead, I began to venture into k-indie, acoustic, soul, and simply put, healing songs. I turned to artists like Eddy Kim, Davichi, Baek Jiyoung, Kim Feel, Echae En Route, Roy Kim (one my truest loves), Ggotjam Project, Clazziquai Project, Urban Zakapa, Kassy, Fromm, and many, many, many more. I have had the blessing to watch these almost-nobody artists grow, release more music, gain a tad bit more recognition, and simply become even more amazing than they already were back when I discovered them at their early stages. (Sam Kim would debut later, in 2016, and blow me away as well. In fact, all the Antenna Angels). The music from these artists, kept me alive in a similar, yet different way, than Infinite had in years past. I didn’t need to know their faces or ages or personalities or honestly, anything, about them, to feel instantaneously better. These artists and their songs were healing, in a way where the only thing that truly mattered, was their voice.

A quick story about Kim Feel, who has come to be my all time favorite artist whom I would die for: I came across a song from Younha called 없어, and it blew me away. It was gorgeous. A hip hop duo, named Elupant featured in this song and I simply became aware of their name through this track. A few months later, Elupant would release the single Crater featuring. Kim Feel. I gave the song a chance because I vaguely knew of them, and I was once again, blown away. I did not know who this vocalist, Kim Feel, was, but I knew that he was indescribably amazing at singing, and something about his voice was just so different. For months, I wouldn’t even know what Kim Feel looked like. I barely knew that he was a singer because I had only seen his name from that one song, and his WIkipedia page didn’t even exist at that time. Then, in mid-June of 2015, I saw somewhere on Facebook that Kim Feel was releasing his first mini album, and that’s when I finally got some decent exposure to him. I finally saw what he looked like, how he placed second on SSK5, and how he had released several singles here and there in the past. His mini album, Feel Free, was everything I didn’t know I wanted, and I loved it to death. Later, he would go on to perform on Immortal Songs 2 and literally make me cry ugly tears from just one performance. Kim Feel is an artist that I got to know and fall in love solely through his voice and music and nothing else. That is the true beauty about singer-songwriters. He is an absolutely amazing artist and has come to be my most cherished one. Unfortunately, he is currently serving in the army right now, but my soul will always belong to Kim Feel and his music.

I didn’t really like kpop anymore.

Book 7

I want this part of my story to simply be about my current thoughts on kpop, in this moment in time, over a decade after first being exposed to this entire culture. In this book, I will pick apart the sort of darker sides in the Korean pop music industry, which are easily overlooked amidst the fervor of fans and idols and flashing lights. This is a perspective that I have come to hone throughout years of observance and trials and growth, and simply maturing into an adult alongside the ever-changing industry itself. My view of kpop has come to change in a way in which I no longer support several aspects of it. There are simply things that go on within the industry that I want nothing to deal with. Things that I have may have enjoyed in the past are now things that I do not need in my life any longer. Please remember that kpop goes beyond music and idols. It is a lifestyle. For many people, it is a way of living about their daily lives: listening to their favorite group’s music, watching countless videos and shows of them, keeping up with their daily whereabouts and activities, knowing their birthdays and family members and personal details, and simply associating themselves with their favorite group in any way possible, as much as possible. For many kpop fans, it goes beyond liking a group’s music: it is liking their looks, personalities, habits, style, affiliations, it is liking everything. It is true that this isn’t the case for nearly every fan in kpop, but I think it is safe to say that it is a common practice amongst many kpop fans. People come to live for these groups, but of course, there is nothing wrong with that. No one knows how to breathe and wake up every day and live for a kpop group better than I do. But I want to make one very important point clear: Kpop is a market and everything is a concept. Now, let me elaborate a little bit more.

1) It is a factory.

I do not recall it being this bad in the past, but nowadays, I can say for sure that groups are debuting left and right, nonstop, almost every week, or even every day. It’s just too much. Too saturated. Talent is exploited.

2) Most of these kids lack talent.

I know that every single new rookie isn’t completely talent-less, but in such a relentless industry, and especially nowadays with the sheer amount of people trying to break through, all these girls and boys look the exact same to me. Long ago, I gave up on getting into and keeping track of rookies. I decided that they I preferred my golden groups, the ones that defined that my own kpop era, and that they were the only ones I really had time for anyway. I am not saying this applies to all of them, because of course there are always exceptions. Take the latest show, The UNIT, for example. These people are supposed to be already debuted idols, looking for another shot at fame. Yet, the most jarring thing I noticed, especially with the females, is that they can’t even sing. Is that not a basic? These girls were out there on stage belting flat notes left and right and it was atrocious. It blew my mind, because even on P101, trainees who haven’t even had “experience” like those idols had, could sing significantly better. I don’t remember when the standard to become an idol dropped so low, but it is outright disappointing to me. For me personally, a nice face or some cool dance moves or a wholesome personality is not going to make you worthy of being an idol. You have to be a performer. And if you can’t even accomplish the basics, as in pull off the right notes, then why even try?

3) There is a lack of self-expression.

This is something that could be argued from several angles, and I am glad to agree that the stereotype has been changing more and more these days, towards a better direction. But if we are to speak straight from the debut days of Boyfriend or Infinite, or even SNSD for example, then the story is a little bit less complicated. It is simple: many of these groups are forced to do things that they do not necessarily want to or choose to do. Although it varies, almost every aspect of these people’s lives is controlled by their companies. The songs they sing, the dances that they dance to, the clothes they wear, the places they go to, the food they eat, the people they have to meet, and sometimes, even the things they say. These are very frequently not 100% under the artists’ complete control. And that is simply… pretty hard to grasp, but certainly true in most situations. Hence the “everything is a concept”. Because it really is. Many of the things that these artists do are a part of a concept that they must pull off, an image that they must present to the public, whether that is their true self or not, little do we ever know. Hoya’s talk about his departure from Infinite and Woollim does a really good job of exposing this sort of culture that goes on behind the scenes. Of course, nowadays at least, many artists are receiving more musical freedom and even the opportunity to partake in the very creation and composition of their own music.

4) Kpop idols are HUMAN.

This is one that I want to emphasize as if my life depends on it. Time and time again, I think the fact that kpop idols are human is something that people seem to completely disregard. I have never seen a fanbase as cruel and scrutinizing as the kpop fanbase. It almost downright scares me. Sasaeng fans are a reality that I wish did not exist, because they are just so rude, inconsiderate, and intense. Those manic, excessive fans really make me fear for idols’ wellbeing. Furthermore, there are so, so, soooo many incidents in which a Korean artist would do this or do that or say this or that and the situation is completely, totally, blown out of proportion. I have read articles about complaints that made absolutely no sense. I want to make this clear: Nobody's perfect, and neither are kpop stars. They will make mistakes, more than once if anything. But how, in the world, in any universe, does that give people permission to write hate comments at them? To bash on every little thing about them? To write petitions for them to leave their respective groups completely? Why do people think that is okay? Why do people not understand that, just like you and me, and anyone else, kpop stars have feelings. Is that so hard to believe? That no matter how small of a word or phrase you use to hurt them, you are instilling hate regardless. And that is not okay. It is never okay. Because they are human. The world, fans, no one, will never really know what is going on in an idol’s life. I do not want to make this part solely about Kim Jonghyun, but I think it is only right to mention him here. It was stated time and time again that Jonghyun was suffering from severe depression, to an extent where he took his own life. And the entire kpop world fell into complete shambles since then. Does this make it more transparent for everyone? That hate comments, that inner feelings and emotions, that all of these things are very real aspects of idols’ lives. It is so extremely hard, for me personally, to watch these idols become decreased to shoddy titles and names over the smallest of incidents. The hate needs to stop. Kpop idols are humans. Please.

5) The exhaustive work schedules.

This basically stems from the whole humanizing kpop idols thing. But I absolutely despise of the fact that is it common for idols to faint on stage, become hospitalized for over-exhaustion, or take breaks to recover. I have one simple question: Why do we have to work them until they reach that point? Are their bodies and capabilities expendable objects or something? Why is it okay? Why is it common for crying out loud? These people are literally worked to their limit, for several weeks on end. Once again, I’d like to point out that they are not invincible gods with undying strength. They are humans. There just has to be something done about the ridiculous work schedules that these people have to deal with. It just is not okay.

6) Companies are milking fans for their money.

This one is a big statement. It is not necessarily completely true for every single company, but it is definitely not wrong in any way at all. Think about why a company would start up a group in the first place. To give these hard working people a chance in the limelight out of generosity because they totally deserve it? No, of course not lol. There is a win-win situation within a lot of these groups, or at least the more successful ones. They earn lots and lots of money, a large portion of which goes straight to company, while also becoming famous and etc etc everything else they’ve always wanted. But companies are playing a game at the same time, marketing these groups to any extent possible. Ever wonder why groups frequently venture into the Japanese market? Ever wonder why groups have to release 4952548 different versions of one simple album (which is totally a newer-generation-of-kpop trend. groups in the past never did this)? Ever wonder why Lee Soo Man purposely created a multicultural group when it probably would’ve been much easier to just make a purely Korean one? Everything in the kpop industry, and I mean everything comes down to money. That is the reality of it. It is a market.

6) The music no longer sounds like kpop to me.

With the massive rise to global stardom that a lot of current day groups have acquired has come the musical shift into which, in my opinion, the overall sound of kpop is very much more westernized. Many groups are following the trend of releasing music that is edm, trap, tropical house, dupstep, etc -oriented. And for me, I’m not digging it. I fell in love with kpop because of sounds like Big Bang’s and Infinite’s older music. But now, the music is so completely different. A lot of these songs honestly just sound like something I would hear playing on the American radio. Which may just be the goal anyway. But for me, if kpop just sounds like everything else now, why would I listen to it? I originally liked it because it was different, and didn’t sound like everything else I was already hearing. But now it just does. Sigh.

7) There has been a complete generation shift.

This is something that I talk about extensively to my friends and peers. I’d like to say that it is something that I am very passionate about. There isn’t a day in which a part of me isn’t internally mourning about the death of my kpop generation. I think the generational shift becomes more and more apparent as time goes by: look at the groups that were active 5 years ago, and compare them to now. Are any of them even the same? Probably not. And that sort of reality pains me a lot. I understand that it’s simply about growth, getting over it, and moving on. But I’ll always reminisce from time to time. Here are the groups that defined my generation of kpop, and what happened to them:

Big Bang: indefinite hiatus (TOP is in the army, w/ the others well on their way)

SHINee: active (this one breaks my heart even more because not only did I constantly commend SHINee for staying whole and active, despite their apparent downfall in popularity and relevance, I was just always thankful for their undying perseverance as an older generation group. The loss of Jonghyun completely broke my heart because it was a reality I never wanted to believe in. I’m still in shock and it really does hurt to think how SHINee’s name will now forever go down in tragedy rather than legendary)

SNSD: indefinite hiatus (this one is a little hazy. It has been stated that the name of SNSD lives on, despite the members being in different companies. A sliver of hope remains for them)

2NE1: disbanded (first they lost Minzy, and then they completely fell apart)

LEDApple: disbanded (or at least i think so?? The members moved around all over the place and I’m pretty sure no one is left)

2PM: indefinite hiatus (Taec is in the army, while the others are doing their own thang for now. I have faith that they’ll return as 6 one day, though. Fight on, 2PM <3)

B1A4: active (i got to see them in feb, too, bless up)

ZE:A: indefinite hiatus (all the members are in separate companies. Minwoo & Taeheon returned from the army already while Kwanghee, Heechul, and Siwan are currently serving. The rest have been doing their own things as well. In fact, Kevin resides in Australia now. They have stated several times that despite being in different places and companies, the group has not officially disbanded yet. It warms my heart to think that there is still hope for them.)

U-KISS: active (they lost Kevin and AJ and Dongho in the year past and I know they’re still managing to stay alive with the addition of Jun as well)

Teen Top: hiatus (L.Joe was caught up in some messy legal stuff with his company and seemed to have left the industry as a whole in a rather ugly way… it definitely hurt to watch this pan out in the way that it did… nonetheless, Teen Top is basically still irrelevant anyway, despite the multiple comebacks they’ve had in years past.)

4Minute: disbanded (;__;)

Super Junior: active (this is such a blessing, honestly, to have Super Junior alive and active, despite alllllll the shit they’ve been through these past years. I know they’re definitely on the older side, but these guys are absolute legends and it makes me so happy to see them still together, even if just partially)

f(x): indefinite hiatus (their last release was in 2015 which means it’s almost been 3 freaking years since we last saw them active as 4, after Sulli’s departure. Wow… I really do hope to see them soon)

Apink: active (but barely relevant���They were also once 7, until Yookyung left in 2012, I believe.)

Girls Day: active (but not as relevant as they were before, either. Their recent, occasional releases have been decent, but not good enough to be big. They also technically lost a member before, too.)

BEAST: active as Highlight (They lost Hyunseung, and then they all left Cube. Miraculously, these boys kept themselves afloat and even established their own label together, as five. I am honestly so happy for what they have accomplished and even though it sucks that we’ll never hear the name BEAST in same way or affiliation anymore, these five guys are still going strong. I think they proved to me that they really do enjoy being idols, which is kinda rare considering how long they’ve been active in the industry)

VIXX: active (and probably one of the most relevant idols out of this list)

Miss A: disbanded (it was unclear for a while, but also pretty obvious because each member went their separate way. But JYP recently declared their disbandment official)

Sistar: disbanded (they were active for exactly 7 years, debuting and disbanding on the same exact day. This one definitely hurt)

BAP: active (they took a long hiatus somewhere in between, but it was well-deserved considering how ridiculously active they were back then. They still come back quite often nowadays, but it is unfortunately safe to say that they no longer leave the same impact as they did years before)

KARA: disbanded (despite adding Youngji after Nicole and Jiyoung left, they couldn’t last long enough. this one also hurt because of how spot-on their music always was for me.)

MBLAQ: indefinite hiatus (the name itself still lives on, and they never officially declared disbandment. but MBLAQ is probably one of the only groups that will go down in pure tragedy in my heart because I really did, truly, love them to death at one point. The departure of Lee Joon and Thunder threw this group into shambles and they barely managed to come back once as a trio, until their company disintegrated before our eyes and screwed them over even more. These boys used to be top of the top, dominating the industry in every way possible, musically and in variety shows, too. But lately, in fact, not even that recently, G.O. had taken to his personal social media to reveal the mistreatment and basically the complete shit they had to go through as idols. He was utterly traumatized by his experiences in the industry, to a point where he never wanted to sing again. But he talked about how the other 2 members gave him strength, as well as the few fans that were left to support him. MBLAQ literally dissolved into ashes right before my eyes, yet no one, and I mean no one, has been talking about this. They honestly just went through so much and have lost a lot as well. It hurt so bad to watch such an amazing group fall apart so fast, without even making a sound. Fuck the industry.)

Wonder Girls: disbanded (these legendary girls first faced the departure of Sun, and then Sohee. Sunmi was added into the mix after a very long hiatus, but they lasted for about 2 years until they officially disbanded)

T-Ara: indefinite hiatus (this group has faced a ferocious path of ups and downs. First with Hwayoung, and her departure, then with Areum and her departure as well, and then the very sudden departure of Soyeon and Boram. The four remaining members have decided to not renew their contracts with their current agency, but it is unclear if T-Ara still really exists at all at this point.)

Block B: active (and thankfully pretty relevant, I think)

Boyfriend: hiatus (Donghyun is on the Unit right now. I know they haven’t been super active in the past years, but when they tried, it was lackluster. They’ve definitely lost a lot of the momentum they once had years ago :( )

After School: indefinite hiatus (so many members have “graduated” in the past years, that only five are left now. I honestly can’t recall the last time they released music, but I can tell it’s been a very long time…)

CN Blue: active (but unfortunately very irrelevant anyway. They celebrated their 8th anniversary recently though! Congrats (: )

Rainbow: disbanded (so so so sad…)

Infinite: active (bless the heavens. Hoya’s departure shattered my world and I was admittedly a sobbing mess for several days on end. But their impending comeback is going to warm my heart and ears, I just know it. It’s been a good one whole year and a third since I last saw them come back. I have definitely missed their once steadfast presence. Welcome back, my loves <3 )

Welp, that was quite refreshing, to take a quick peek at the histories of these groups that once defined my middle school years. It definitely hurts to count how many times I had to write “disbanded” or “indefinite hiatus” because of how unclear and shaky a lot of these groups’ futures look. It has been pretty obvious for a while, that with the progressive crumbling of this once sturdy, strong, and seemingly invincible gang of groups, a new era of groups has been ushered in to take center stage and render the rest of the once-legends weak and irrelevant. Groups that used to make headlines on the daily basis and smash charts consistently are now barely hanging onto existence in the industry. It is quite painful to watch. There are many times where I just want to go back to those days where the names and faces and songs that were “mainstream” were the ones that I could actually recognize and enjoy. Now, it is quite the opposite. Adieu, my generation of kpop.

I just really don’t like kpop anymore. (but I still like Korean music! :) )