#Inej isn't sure how to handle this

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (part 8) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 7k notes: can't wait to hear what you have to sayy

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649 @luffysprincess

For days, Kaz was insufferable, and no one could figure out why. Even Inej was perplexed by his sudden mood swings and outbursts. Kaz's frustration boiled over one evening when he got into a fight with Inej, something that never happened before. She was bewildered and hurt, unable to understand what had changed in him.

Kaz's obsession with y/n's Instagram stories didn't help. He watched every update with a mixture of longing and jealousy—expensive dinners, shopping sprees, gym sessions, and nights out with her friends, but never at his club. The final straw came when she posted a picture of her legs in a car, a man's hand resting on her thigh. Kaz knew it was meant for him, a message that stung deeply. Enraged, he threw his phone against the wall, startling Inej.

Inej, for her part, was annoyed because Kaz was dragging her to a business dinner with his boss, who had insisted for everyone to bring a plus one. Even Jesper had managed to secure a date, and Kaz didn't want to go alone. The dinner was to celebrate a deal he had closed, though his boss was taking all the credit, adding to Kaz's irritation.

They arrived at the restaurant, seemingly the last to do so. After some obligatory small talk, Kaz, his patience wearing thin, asked in his usual harsh tone, “Are we waiting for someone?”

“Didn't I tell you, Brekker?” his boss said, circling Kaz's shoulders with his arm. “I invited my new flame.” He leaned in conspiratorially, “A wild twenty-something. Don’t even ask me how I convinced her to go out with me.” He laughed, and the other men joined in. “She’s a pilates instructor, if you know what I mean. Oh, there she is.”

Kaz didn’t need to turn around or look at Jesper’s face to know who had just entered. He sighed heavily, the weight of the situation pressing down on him. How was this even possible?

“Hi, baby,” he heard the familiar voice behind him, and for a moment he frowned, hearing the nickname, before turning to see y/n talking to his boss, a man at least fifty years old. She cupped his face and kissed him. “Sorry I'm late. I had to stop someone in the middle of the street to help me zip up my dress,” she said, laughing. Kaz had no doubt it was true.

They locked eyes for an instant before her new boyfriend started parading her around, introducing her to everyone. When they reached Kaz and Inej, he saw Jesper's smug grin, dying to see how they would handle this.

“Inej, we met at that chocolate tasting thing. Still a huge fan,” y/n said, kissing both of Inej's cheeks.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Inej remembered with a warm smile.

“Do you know each other?” Kaz's boss asked.

“Of course, love. Inej is TikTok famous, and I spend too much time at the Crow Club. Of course, we know each other.” The man turned towards the others. “See? I don’t understand a word she says! Tik, what? Isn't she a beauty?” He patted y/n’s ass.

“You're handsy tonight,” she commented with a laugh.

“So, you're a pilates instructor,” Jesper chimed in, and Kaz already knew he wasn't going to like whatever came next. “Must be heavy. How was work?”

“You have no idea. I had a double shift today,” y/n replied, her challenging eyes not leaving Jesper’s.

Jesper leaned back, a smirk on his lips. “Double shift, huh? Must be tough, keeping everyone’s bodies in shape.”

“Oh, it’s a workout, for sure,” y/n shot back, her smile saccharine. “But then again, some of us are just naturally flexible. Unlike others who are just naturally... bent.”

Jesper chuckled, feigning a wounded look. “Bent, you say? That’s rich, coming from someone who has to stretch the truth just to keep things interesting.”

“Stretching the truth?” y/n’s eyes gleamed with mischief. “I guess you’d know all about that.”

Kaz could feel the tension ratcheting up with each exchange, and he knew he had to intervene before it got out of hand. “Alright, enough,” he muttered, but neither Jesper nor y/n seemed inclined to listen.

“Oh, come on, Kaz,” Jesper said with a grin. “We’re just having a little fun. Right, y/n?”

“Absolutely,” y/n replied, her voice like honey laced with poison. “Fun is what it’s all about. Although, some people might confuse it with a desperate attempt to stay relevant.”

Jesper’s eyes flashed, his smile fading. “Relevance isn’t something I need to worry about. Unlike some who cling to their... clientele for attention.”

y/n leaned forward, her expression deadly calm. “Better to have a clientele that appreciates my talents than to rely on cheap tricks to get noticed.”

Kaz felt his patience slipping away. “Seriously, can we just focus on dinner?”

“Oh, we’re focused,” y/n said, her gaze flicking to Kaz. “Just making sure we all understand each other.”

Jesper snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah, we understand. Just remember, flexibility only gets you so far. Eventually, you have to stand for something.”

y/n’s smile turned icy. “And some of us are just fine standing on our own, without the need for constant validation.”

Before Jesper could respond, Kaz stepped in, his voice firm. “Enough. Let’s drop it.”

“I didn't know you knew each other so well,” said nervously Inej, glancing between the three with a confused look, but no one bothered to reply to her.

They settled at the table. The boss sat at the head, of course, with Kaz to his right and y/n to his left, directly across from Kaz. He looked disgusted as the older man kept trying to hand-feed her, and she couldn't stop laughing.

“Baby, I'm vegan, you know that,” she giggled, shoving his hand away.

“I have no idea what you're saying,” the man insisted, trying to put an oyster in her mouth. y/n leaned back, dodging the oyster with a graceful twist, her laughter tinkling like a bell. Kaz clenched his jaw, unable to tear his eyes away from the scene.

After a few courses, y/n excused herself. “This is weird, right?” Inej whispered in Kaz’s ear.

“Absolutely,” he replied, his mind racing. If Inej found it unsettling, she had no idea how strange it was for him.

Unable to control himself, Kaz faked a phone call and followed y/n to the restroom. He heard the unmistakable sound of someone throwing up. After checking that the other stalls were empty, Kaz locked the door behind him. “y/n, it's me.”

“Are you here to hold my hair?” she replied between heaves, her voice shaky and weak.

Kaz waited, leaning back against the sinks, his mind racing with anxiety. After what felt like an eternity, she emerged, her face pale as she washed her hands and mouth. “What do you want?” she asked, her annoyance barely masking the exhaustion in her voice.

“Are you okay?” Kaz asked, his voice softer, more vulnerable than he intended.

“Why do you care?” she shot back, turning to dry her hands.

“You looked sick out there. I couldn’t just ignore it,” Kaz said, his worry deepening with every passing second.

“He kept trying to put dead animals in my mouth,” she said, proceeding to reapply her lipstick. “I had no idea he was your boss. You never talk about details of your job, and I don’t really listen to him.”

"Why are you dating him?" Kaz's voice was sharp, edged with an intensity that mirrored the turmoil in his mind. He stood firm, his eyes searching y/n's face for some semblance of understanding.

"I know you're not familiar with the concept, but I'm doing it because it's fun," y/n replied, her tone laced with defiance as she finally turned to face him directly.

Kaz clenched his jaw, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. "Are you sleeping with him?"

"It's none of your business. Why do you care?" y/n shot back, her gaze piercing through him, challenging him to justify his concern.

A pang of something he couldn't quite name surged within Kaz. He couldn't believe that just a week ago, y/n was one of the people he felt closest to. They had shared intimate moments—shared a bed, watched shows together, kissed. Hell, he had probably kissed y/n more than his own girlfriend.

“I care because this is awkward.” Kaz admitted, his voice tinged with regret.

“It is for me too,” she said, stepping closer, “But I mean, it’s not like I married him. Even if he asked me.” Her smile became dangerous, “he asks me everytime that we are in bed.”

Kaz felt a surge of anger rise within him, his jaw tightening as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. The thought of her with his boss, a man old enough to be her father, made his blood boil. 

She stepped even closer, her frustration boiling over. "Why are you so mad, Kaz? Why does it matter to you so much if he proposes to me?"

“I just... I can't stand the thought of you marrying him."

"Why?" y/n pressed, her voice rising with intensity. "Why does it bother you?"

"Because," Kaz began, his voice strained, "because it's him. Because he's not right for you. Because... because you're better than that."

y/n sighed, shaking her head in exasperation. "That’s the thing that you don’t want to accept, I’m not better than this. Maybe I’ll say yes just to let him plan a wedding and leave him at the altar."

Kaz's jaw tightened, his frustration boiling over. "You don't mean that."

"Don't I?" she challenged, crossing her arms. "You have this idealized version of me in your head, but the truth is, I'm not the person you think I am."

Kaz took a step forward, his eyes pleading. "I know you, y/n. I know you're better than this. You don't have to do this to prove anything."

y/n's expression softened for a moment before hardening again. "You think you know me, but you don't. You see what you want to see. The truth is, I like chaos. I thrive in it. And maybe, just maybe, I enjoy watching you squirm."

Kaz felt a wave of anger and sadness crash over him. "Is that what this is about? Hurting me?"

"Maybe," she admitted, her voice cold. "Or maybe it's about me taking control of my life in the only way I know how. You have Inej. You have your stable, predictable life. This is mine."

Kaz shook his head, his frustration mounting. "You don't have to destroy yourself to take control. You deserve better."

"And who decides what I deserve?" y/n shot back. "You? You can't even decide what you want."

Kaz opened his mouth to argue, but the words wouldn't come. He knew she was right. He was torn between what he had with Inej and what he felt for y/n. "I just don't want to see you hurt," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Oh baby, it takes a lot more than a lovesick idiot decades older than me to hurt me,” she laughed, the sound harsh and unfeeling. “Look, you have your thing with your girlfriend. You two are like high school sweethearts or something. You're going to stay together forever and fuck only in missionary to stare into each other’s souls, repeating how much you love each other.”

Kaz flinched at her words, the biting tone cutting deep. He wanted to argue, to tell her she was wrong, but he couldn't find the words.

y/n paused, her eyes locking onto his with a dangerous glint. “I like it when things get ugly, Kaz. Accept it. Also, your girlfriend is right there, go be jealous of her! Don’t you have any shame left, Kaz?”

Kaz shook his head, a mix of anger and desperation flooding his chest, “Lower your voice.”. 

The girl didn’t miss how he tensed at the mention of his girlfriend, "How are things with Inej?"

Kaz blinked, caught off guard by y/n's directness. He shifted uncomfortably, the weight of her question pressing down on him like a lead blanket. "Static," he finally answered, the word tasting bitter on his tongue as he met her intense gaze.

y/n raised an eyebrow, her expression a mixture of curiosity and concern. "Static," she repeated, as if she could sense the underlying tension in his voice.

Kaz sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, static," he elaborated, his frustration seeping through. "We're... drifting. It's like we're stuck in this loop, going through the motions without really connecting."

y/n nodded slowly, her eyes searching his face for more than just words. "That doesn't sound good," she observed quietly, her voice edged with sympathy.

"It's not," Kaz admitted, his tone raw with honesty. "I thought I could handle it, you know? Keep things steady, maintain control. But..." He trailed off, unable to articulate the turmoil brewing inside him.

"But it's not what you want," y/n finished for him, her voice gentle yet probing.

Kaz hesitated, grappling with his own conflicting emotions. "I don't know what I want anymore," he confessed quietly, more to himself than to her.

She hummed, “Can I go? I don't want to stay around you.”

Kaz chuckled harshly, not moving from the door. “We could have been friends, Kaz. Why did you do it?” Her eyes filled with sadness and anger. He let her go, unable to voice his thoughts.

As she left, he stood there for a moment, feeling the weight of his decisions pressing down on him. Then, he grabbed her by her arm, “Break up with him. I don't want to lose you," he said quietly.

"You never really had me," y/n replied, her voice gentle but firm, going back to the table.

The dinner went painfully slow. Kaz saw an incoming text and grabbed his phone hopefully, but it was a message from Inej.

‘Can we invite her with us later? I can’t stand the thought of her going away with him.’

Why did she always have to be so kind and worried about other people? Why did she have to put him in that position?

‘No,’ he texted back.

‘Come on, it’s painful to watch.’

In reality, they looked really good together. y/n could play ‘faithful girlfriend’ really well. His boss was whispering in her ear, tracing patterns on her arm, and she looked sincerely amused. Maybe they really felt something for each other.

‘Looks like they’re having fun.’

He heard Inej sigh. ‘I’m asking her.’

“y/n, do you have plans for later?” asked Inej with her motherly voice.

“I don’t know, do we have plans, baby?” y/n asked, turning towards her boyfriend.

“I guess you could come with me, bring me luck in a few rounds of cards,” he said, eating her with his eyes.

“Why don’t you come with us?” asked Inej, full of enthusiasm. “I’m sure Kaz and Jesper have to go to the Crow Club. We could keep each other company.”

Jesper’s wide eyes fixed on Kaz, who pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was this happening?

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude,” y/n laughed nervously.

“Nonsense, I’ll be bored out of my mind. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Kaz saw y/n completely caged. “Why don’t you come dancing with us, love?” she tried desperately, looking at her boyfriend.

He laughed, “I’m too old for this, but go and have fun, alright?”

y/n made a tight smile. “I guess I will.”

Kaz’s heart twisted as he watched the interaction unfold. y/n’s eyes flicked to his, a flash of something unreadable passing between them. He felt a surge of conflicting emotions—anger, protectiveness, jealousy. His mind raced with thoughts he couldn’t quite articulate.

“Great!” Inej said brightly, oblivious to the undercurrents. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

Kaz forced a smile, his mind still reeling. As they all stood to leave, his boss leaned in to kiss y/n on the cheek, murmuring something that made her laugh, though her eyes didn’t quite match the sound.

Of course, Jesper invented an excuse about why y/n couldn’t go with him and his date, so she followed Kaz and Inej to his car.

As they left the parking lot, Kaz and y/n noticed at the same time that her phone connected automatically to his car system, and they shot a panicked look at each other in the rearview mirror. 

“Oh saints, is there a fire?” y/n shouted to distract Inej, who was seated beside Kaz. 

“Where?” Inej was looking outside, trying to find the source of the commotion.

“Oh, nothing, must have been something else,” y/n mumbled, while Kaz quickly disconnected her phone.

Kaz had never felt shittier than at that moment. Inej didn’t deserve any of this. The guilt gnawed at him as they drove in silence.

They settled at their usual table in the Crow Club, an awkward silence hanging over them despite the loud music. Kaz could feel the tension mounting, his mind racing with conflicting thoughts about Inej, y/n, and the tangled web he had woven.

A waiter approached, and y/n immediately assaulted him with her order. “How much vodka are you legally allowed to pour in my glass?” she asked with narrowed eyes. The man looked puzzled and made an approximate sign with his fingers. 

“Great, I’ll take three,” she smiled. The waiter hesitated, “Do you want something with it?”

“Oh yeah, uhm, those little funny umbrellas you put on fancy drinks,” y/n nodded, avoiding the weirded-out looks from the others at the table.

Kaz sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Make them six. Without umbrellas for me.” Inej shot him a side-eyed glare while the others proceeded to make their orders.

Jesper broke the silence, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “So, y/n, why don’t we talk a bit about your boyfriend? That was a surprise.”

“Don’t tell me,” she said with a tight smile, her fingers tapping nervously on the table.

Kaz glared at Jesper, his frustration mounting. There was  no reason to make the night even more weird, he thought.

“How long have you been dating him?” Jesper insisted, ignoring Kaz’s glare.

“Don’t know, three weeks, a month.”

“The age difference doesn’t bother you?” asked a concerned Inej.

Y/n shrugged, “No, it should?”

“Sorry, I’m not judging you,” said Inej warmly.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you are,” commented y/n under her breath, finishing her first glass in one go.

Kaz tried to steer the conversation away from y/n, but Inej persisted. “I didn’t mean to offend you, really.”

“Mh, are we sure of this?” y/n said with a nervous giggle, studying her nails, the nails Kaz had chosen for her.

“Do you like them?” y/n stuck her hand in front of Inej.

“Oh, ehm, yeah, not my style, but they look nice.”

y/n hummed, locking eyes with Kaz for a second. Kaz quickly emptied all three of his glasses, his thoughts becoming more blurred. He could sense things going sour pretty fast. Jesper couldn’t stop making allusions to y/n’s job, Inej was still trying to repair what she had said about her boyfriend, and Jesper’s date looked too confused to intervene.

“I really like your dress,” y/n blurted out towards Inej at a certain point. “Did you choose it for her?” she said, turning to Kaz. “I bet he’s really good at picking outfits.”

Kaz rolled his eyes, and Inej frowned. “I don’t think he ever chose an outfit for me,” she said, puzzled.

“I heard you’re vegan,” Inej tried again, wanting desperately to befriend y/n.

“I am,” she confirmed without adding anything.

“You know, the other day I found vegan ice cream in Kaz’s fridge, and it’s weird because he always says that vegan stuff must taste horrible,” laughed Inej

y/n snorted, “Does he? I bet he even thinks that smoking is bad for you.” she retorted, leaving Inej confused.

Jesper shot Kaz an exasperated glare and asked him to step outside for a moment. “Vegan ice cream? Was she at your place again?”

Kaz sighed, feeling too tipsy to elaborate good lies. “Her AC was broken.”

Jesper’s face reddened with anger. “Oh, so now every excuse is good enough for you to hook up with her in the same bed you share with your girlfriend?”

“Nothing happened, Jesper. We just slept in the same bed.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Jesper's voice rose, frustration evident. “You’re crossing lines, Kaz. This isn’t just about Inej anymore. You’re messing with everyone’s feelings, including your own.”

Kaz rubbed his temples, the alcohol making everything blurrier. “What do you want me to say, Jes? I’m not going to see her anymore, so just save it.”

Jesper tilted his head, scrutinizing Kaz. “Did something happen between you two?”

Kaz hesitated, his mind swirling with confusion and guilt. “Nothing… physical,” he finally said, but the words felt hollow.

Jesper’s eyes narrowed. “But you feel something for her?”

Kaz nodded, defeated. 

“Does she—?” Jesper's voice softened slightly, but his anger was still palpable.

“She does, but it’s…” Kaz struggled to find the right words. “I love Inej. I’ll forget whatever this is, don’t worry.”

Jesper shook his head, clearly not satisfied. “Kaz, you can’t just ‘forget’ feelings. And what about y/n? She’s not just some random girl; she’s got feelings too. You’re stringing her along while trying to stay loyal to Inej. It’s not fair to any of you.”

Kaz looked away, feeling the weight of Jesper’s words. “I know, Jes. I know I’ve messed up. But I’m trying to fix it.”

Jesper’s anger flared again. “Trying to fix it? By ignoring it? That’s not fixing anything. You need to face this head-on, talk to them both, and figure out what you really want.”

Kaz clenched his fists, frustration boiling over. “It’s not that simple, Jesper. You don’t understand.”

Jesper stepped closer, his voice low and dangerous. “No, Kaz, I do understand. I understand that you’re scared of making a choice because you don’t want to lose either of them. But if you keep this up, you’re going to lose them both. And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”

Kaz’s eyes burned. “I can’t lose Inej,” he whispered.

Jesper softened slightly, seeing the pain in his friend’s eyes. “Then don’t.”

Kaz kicked a rock, the anger and frustration boiling over. “I went to her house while Inej was sleeping in my fucking bed,” he confessed, his voice thick with regret. “I made a fool of myself and she rejected me. There’s not much more to do or to say. She’s right, Inej is the person for me.”

Jesper took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. “I never questioned what there is between you and Inej, Kaz, but are you sure it’s still there?”

Kaz clenched his fists, the weight of Jesper’s question pressing down on him. “It has to be. I did all this mess for her, it has to work, we have to work” he insisted, though his voice wavered.

Jesper shook his head, his tone gentle but firm. “Just because you’ve done everything for her doesn’t mean it’s right anymore. People change, feelings change. You can’t force something that’s not there.”

Kaz looked away. “Inej means everything to me.”

“But is that enough?” Jesper pressed. “If you’re still drawn to y/n, if you’re feeling things you shouldn’t be feeling, then something isn’t right. Ignoring it won’t make it go away.”

Kaz’s mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He knew Jesper was right, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept it. “Y/n made it very clear that she doesn’t want anything from me,” he said, his voice tinged with frustration and sorrow.

Jesper shook his head, his expression serious. “It’s not fair to use Inej as a rebound, Kaz. She deserves better than that.”

Kaz’s eyes flashed with a mixture of anger and guilt. “Do you think I don’t feel bad about it? It’s consuming me,” he admitted, his voice breaking slightly. “Every day, it’s like I’m being torn apart. Inej means everything to me, but there’s something about Y/n that I can’t shake off.”

Jesper’s eyes softened, but his stance remained firm. He listened attentively, sensing there was more Kaz needed to get off his chest.

“She’s funny, Jes, she’s so fucking funny,” Kaz sighed, a small, almost imperceptible smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he recalled their time together. “And unpredictable. We spent an entire night awake smoking weed, binge-watching House, then out of fucking nowhere she starts cooking, and we ate at three a.m. half-naked with her roommates,” he paused, the frustration evident in his voice, “and I had fun.”

Jesper’s brows furrowed, absorbing Kaz’s words. “Kaz, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you really happy with Inej, or are you just clinging to what you think you should feel?”

Kaz looked down, the weight of Jesper’s words hitting him hard. “I love Inej,” he said quietly, as if trying to convince himself more than anyone else.  “Without her, I don’t know who I am.”

Jesper let out a long breath, clearly torn. "You owe it to both of them, and to yourself, to figure this out. Hiding from it won’t make it go away.”

Kaz’s mind raced, grappling with the conflicting emotions. “Inej deserves better than this,” he muttered, his voice filled with self-loathing.

Jesper placed a hand on Kaz’s shoulder, his grip firm. “Then don’t lie to her. Be honest.”

Kaz shook his head, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t break up with her, Jesper. I’ll figure it out.”

They made their way back just in time to spot Y/n quickly leaving the table, her face a mix of frustration and hurt.��

“Everything okay?” asked Inej, looking up at Kaz with concern. He leaned down to kiss her temple, a gesture that felt both comforting and laden with guilt.

“Yes, you?” he replied, his voice strained.

“Yeah, Y/n said she had to leave. She is a bit weird, right?” Inej commented, her tone uncertain.

Kaz’s jaw tightened, a surge of protectiveness for Y/n bubbling up. “Maybe she just didn’t like all of you questioning her all night,” he replied, his words coming out harsher than he intended.

“I wasn’t questioning her,” said Inej defensively, her brows furrowing.

“Come on, Nej, you were,” Kaz countered, his frustration slipping through.

Jesper, sensing the brewing tension, quickly intervened. “Hey, let’s not turn this into a fight.”

Inej looked between Kaz and Jesper, confusion and hurt evident in her eyes. “I was just trying to get to know her. If it came off wrong, I’m sorry.”

Kaz sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You knew what you were doing. You too, Jesper.”

Inej’s eyes widened in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“You both kept pushing,” Kaz said, trying to keep his voice steady. “Maybe she felt like she was being interrogated.”

Jesper frowned, crossing his arms. “We were just curious. She’s new, and it’s not like she was very forthcoming.”

Kaz bit back a retort, knowing he had to be careful. He couldn’t let on how well he knew Y/n. “There’s a difference between being curious and making someone feel uncomfortable. Maybe next time, ease up a bit.”

Inej looked hurt, but she nodded. “I’ll be more careful. I really didn’t mean any harm. And certainly I didn’t know you cared so much.”

Kaz tried to brush off the tension, forcing a casual tone. “She’s the boss’s new girlfriend. Doesn’t seem like a good idea to piss her off.”

Jesper raised an eyebrow. “You’re right. We don’t need any unnecessary drama.”

Inej sighed, her expression softening. “I understand. I’ll try to be more considerate next time.”

Kaz Brekker had done a lot of awful things in his life, but making his girlfriend apologize for how she treated his... what? Other girl? was by far the worst one.

***

Kaz stood outside the workplace with his boss, engrossed in discussions about some upcoming deals. The atmosphere was serious, focused on business, until the abrupt interruption by y/n Mini's aggressive arrival. Her car screeched to a harsh stop in front of them, tinted windows hiding her expression from Kaz's view.

“Pray for me, Brekker, this girl drives like we have extra lives,” Kaz's boss joked, patting Kaz on the shoulder. Kaz felt his jaw clench instinctively. y/n began impatiently honking her horn, prompting Kaz's boss to gesture for her to wait.

“It really shows she didn’t have a father to teach her, let me tell you,” the boss remarked with a chuckle, clearly unaware of the impact of his words on Kaz. The comment hit him like a weight in his stomach. y/n had never mentioned her parents or their absence to him. Apparently, she had confided in his boss, which left Kaz feeling a mix of confusion and hurt. He thought about all the times they had spent together, the conversations they'd had, and the intimacy they'd shared. Yet, there was this significant part of her life that she had kept from him. 

The realization stung. Kaz had always prided himself on being perceptive and insightful, able to navigate the complexities of people's lives and motivations. But now, he felt blindsided and uncertain. He wanted to understand why she had chosen to reveal such personal details to his boss and not to him. But again, they were properly dating and Kaz had been just his client.

“But she’s worth it. She’ll be the death of me, wild little thing she is, let me tell you. I’m not that young anymore,” his boss continued with a conspiratorial tone, leaning in closer. Kaz's skin crawled at the familiarity in his boss’s voice. “Best thing is, all of her tastes like candies,” he added with a lecherous grin. “And the way she moves, Brekker, I’m not even going to tell you, but I mean, you are with the Wraith, I bet you know a thing or two about flexible women.”

Kaz's jaw clenched so hard he thought his teeth might crack. The casual vulgarity, the smug tone, the blatant disrespect—it all churned his stomach. He fought the urge to lash out, knowing that any reaction would only add fuel to the fire. He forced his hands to remain at his sides, his nails biting into his palms.

“You should see her when she’s in a playful mood. It’s like she’s got this spark, you know? Makes every moment feel like an adventure,” his boss continued, clearly enjoying the effect his words were having on Kaz. “And let me tell you, she knows how to keep a man entertained. Never a dull moment with that one.”

“Are you coming or are you waiting for me to reach your age?” y/n’s voice cut through the tension, her tone dripping with impatience as she leaned out of the car window. Her eyes, sharp and challenging, met Kaz's for a fleeting moment before focusing back on his boss.

Kaz's boss laughed heartily, either oblivious to Kaz's internal struggle or simply not caring. He waved off Kaz, already heading towards the car. “Better not keep the lady waiting,” he said, throwing a wink at Kaz.

As his boss and y/n sped away, Kaz was left standing there, grappling with a flood of emotions. He felt a pang of jealousy towards his boss for seemingly knowing a side of y/n that Kaz did not. There was a gnawing realization that despite their closeness, their relationship might not be as deep or transparent as he had assumed. He wondered why she hadn't shared this part of her life with him, and whether there were other aspects of herself she was keeping hidden.

***

Kaz's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts as he received Jesper’s text, ‘They broke up’. The message shattered the otherwise quiet evening he was spending with Inej. She was talking about something important, probably really interesting, but he lost focus completely, consumed by the sudden news. 

‘What happened?’ he typed back quickly, his fingers almost shaking with anticipation.

‘No one knows,’ came Jesper’s swift reply.

A small, involuntary grin tugged at Kaz’s lips. He would have given away his car and his house to know more. 

“Inej, love, something happened at work. I have to go,” he said, standing up abruptly.

“Love?” she laughed, a lighthearted teasing in her voice. “Who are you?”

Kaz cursed himself for letting the endearment slip out—something he never used before. He headed out fast, leaving behind Inej’s puzzled expression.

He reached his office, where he expected to find his boss. The man's angry shouts were audible even from outside. Kaz strolled in casually, pretending to look for something. As he had anticipated, the boss spotted him immediately and called him over.

The boss was already taking out two glasses and a bottle from a cabinet, gesturing for Kaz to sit. “Are we celebrating something?” Kaz asked, trying to maintain his composure.

“Celebrating? That bitch broke up with me,” the boss spat out.

“What? Why?” Kaz feigned surprise, leaning forward slightly, eager for more information.

The man studied him, taking a long sip. “You know, I trust you, Brekker. You’re my right hand. Hell, you're like a son to me.”

“Thank you,” Kaz replied, trying to look amused. He needed his boss to keep talking.

“I was just too old for her. I should have seen this coming,” the boss muttered, clearly annoyed. “She has this way of... I don't know how to explain it... making you feel light and special.”

Kaz hummed, knowing firsthand how right he was.

“Stay away from women like that, Brekker. When you become aware of what they've done to you, it's too late. You find yourself lonely and drinking, with your heart broken.”

Kaz couldn't believe what he was hearing. He hadn’t thought his boss actually fell for y/n; he assumed it was just the rush of dating a woman so much younger than him.

“I know you lost your father when you were young, so no one could teach you these things. Let me step in for a moment,” the man poured a third round. “You found yourself a good girl, Kaz. Even after everything she's been through, she's doing God's work around the world, such a good girl. I didn't think she would settle for a broken bastard like you. But you've been lucky. Those are the women you can count on.”

Kaz wasn't sure what to say. The man’s words were both insulting and painfully accurate.

“And well, let's be honest, the fact that she's always away lets you be more… Free, let's say,” he added with a wink.

Kaz frowned. Was he implying that he would approve if Kaz cheated on Inej? After all that praise?

“I don't think I'm following you.”

“Oh, Brekker, you don't fool me. I've known you since you were twelve. I saw you coming in here, walking three feet above the ground,” he chuckled, “What's her name?”

Kaz felt utterly exposed. “Sir, I don't know what you're talking about.”

His boss openly laughed, “You want to play it like this? Your choice. I thought we were having a man-to-man conversation, an honest one.”

Kaz hesitated, his mind racing. Was it true? Was it really so evident?

“I saw you happy, Brekker, the same smile you have when a few hundred thousand kruge go your way.” He poured more liquor, and Kaz drank it fast. “As I would tell a son, keep having your fun while your girlfriend is out there saving the world. You've never been a saint, don’t start now. But this other girl, don’t turn it into something else, something it’s not meant to be.”

Kaz sat there, the weight of his boss’s words pressing down on him. “I'm not cheating on Inej.” Kaz hoped that his voice was steady enough.

His boss smiled, a knowing glint in his eyes. “I'm not judging you, son. You're a man. Your girlfriend is always away. It's how things go. Whoever she is, she's good for you.”

Kaz nodded, lost in thought, wondering what his reaction would be if his boss knew the girl they were talking about was the same one who had broken up with him a few hours earlier. It was a twisted irony that left him feeling even more conflicted.

Kaz took a deep breath, the alcohol burning in his throat. “It’s not just a mistake,” he said quietly. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“Complicated, huh? So there is a girl.” His boss leaned forward, pouring another round of drinks with practiced ease. “Come on, Kaz,” he urged, his tone almost fatherly. “You can talk to me. I’ve seen it all—business and personal. You know I’ve got your back.”

Kaz hesitated, his mind racing. Apparently, the hesitation was enough to make the boss jump to his conclusions. “I knew it, good for you.”

“Kaz, you’re not fooling anyone. You’ve got that look—conflicted, torn. You don’t get that way unless there’s someone involved. This other girl—she makes you feel alive, doesn’t she?” 

Kaz nodded reluctantly. “Yes. She does.”

“Then put yourself out there, Brekker, but remember, serious relationships are for women like your Inej, not the wild ones. Don’t mess it up.”

Kaz’s heart sank at the words. He felt a strange mix of guilt and longing. “What do you mean?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Look, Kaz,” his boss said, leaning in closer. “The wild ones—they’re exciting, they make you feel things you never thought you could feel. But they’re not the ones you build a life with. They’re a thrill, a distraction. Inej, on the other hand, she’s the kind of woman you build a future with. Don’t confuse the two.”

Kaz’s mind raced, the conflicting emotions churning inside him. The way his boss spoke about the situation made it sound so black and white, but to Kaz, it was anything but. He tried to steady his breathing, feeling cornered by the conversation.

“You don’t think you can make a wife out of a little slut you’re having fun with?” his boss continued, his tone dismissive and crude.

“She’s not a slut,” Kaz said through gritted teeth, his fists clenching on the table. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

The boss raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised by Kaz’s fierce reaction. “Alright, alright,” he said, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. “I didn’t mean to offend. But you have to see where I’m coming from. There’s a difference between a good time and a lifetime.”

Kaz’s jaw tightened, but he forced himself to stay calm. “She’s not just a ‘good time.’ She’s... she’s important to me.”

“Important, huh?” His boss leaned back in his chair, studying Kaz intently. “Important or just good in bed?”

Kaz clenched his fists, struggling to keep his temper in check. “It’s not like that. It’s more than that.”

His boss chuckled, clearly skeptical. “Is it? Or are you just telling yourself that because she’s giving you something you’re not getting from Inej?”

Kaz looked away, feeling the sting of his boss’s words. He couldn’t deny that the physical aspect of his relationship with Y/N was intense, but it was more than that.

“I have to go.”

At a red light, Kaz texted y/n, 'Heard about the break up, how are you?' He didn’t expect an answer, but a few minutes later, his phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen and nearly ran into a stop sign. It was a selfie from y/n, taken from the nose down. She was on a bed, and someone was biting her neck. Guess she was dealing with it pretty well.

Kaz's mind spun with thoughts. The image brought a mix of jealousy, curiosity, and a pang of regret. He wondered if they could ever revert to being just friends. They had blurred too many boundaries, making it hard to imagine a platonic relationship. Where would they stop? Would they be able to spend time together without succumbing to their intense chemistry? Could he even desire a non-romantic relationship with her now?

Their connection had always been more than just physical, yet now it seemed impossible to separate the two. The lines had been crossed, and there was no going back.

Kaz pulled over to the side of the road, needing a moment to collect his thoughts. He stared at the photo again, trying to decipher the emotions it stirred within him. Could they ever just be friends, or had they ruined any chance of a simple, uncomplicated relationship?

***

Weeks later, Kaz and Inej got into a fight. A big one. One that made them scream at each other like they never had before, leading to him storming out of his house. The words Inej had said echoed in his mind, and he couldn't believe the things she had thrown at him in anger. He got in his car and started driving, his hands gripping the wheel tightly as rage flooded through his veins. 

He drove straight to y/n's house, not caring that it was late, not caring about anything except the need to see her. The light in her apartment was on, which was a small relief. He was ready to wake up the entire neighborhood if necessary. He picked the lock on the door of the building with practiced ease, his movements fueled by a mix of desperation and anger. He went straight to her apartment and knocked on the door, his heart pounding.

After a moment, y/n emerged, her head poking out cautiously. At first, she looked scared, then puzzled when she recognized him. “I… I thought it was the police,” she muttered, her voice shaky.

Kaz's breath was heavy, and adrenaline surged through his body. Without a word, he took out his phone, opened his banking app, and turned the screen towards her. “Take whatever you want, empty my bank account, I don't care. I want you. Now.”

[rorygilmoreclown]

Cunk on Ketterdam (pt.2)

Nikolai x Cunk

A/n: took me months didn't this. I also just know that Nikolai would most likely end up broke and in dept in monopoly (just like Ravka)

Word count: 700 something

Cunk: I've been told that you are the king of Ravka and hence I should ask you respectable questions only. I hope you know that I won't be sticking to that tale. I'm somewhat rebellious.

Nikolai: I didn't expect any less.

Cunk: So Nikolai, you are on the king level right? So what's next on the ranking? What's the next level?

Nikolai: There is no next level. This is it.

Cunk: That's a boring video game then isn't it. You should stop playing. But I suppose you have the side quest of trying to be a parakeet to keep you invested.

Nikolai: What? I'm not trying to be a parakeet?! I think you mean privateer.

Cunk: With all due respect, I know what I'm talking about, please don't kinsplain it to me. I also think that you are doing a horrible job at trying to be a parakeet. Okay, next question. They say 'all roads lead to Ravka,' but have you considered putting up some road signs just to be sure?

Nikolai: I don't know who they are but sure, I'll put up signs everywhere.

Cunk: Do you think you would add audio signs since your parakeet friends can't read?

Nikolai: I don't have any parakeet friends, and my privateer friends know how to read anyways.

Cunk: That's a bit sad innit? Anyways I've heard you've got quite the head for strategy. Have you ever considered applying your tactical genius to a game of Monopoly? Those battles can get brutal. I have to warn you.

Nikolai: (Already asking his staff to get it for him)

Cunk: If you were to throw a kingdom-wide party, what would be your go-to dance move? The 'Royal Rumba' or the 'Monarch Mambo'?

Nikolai: That's a clever one, i see what you did there. However I refuse to speak on the topics of my kingdom's hierarchical structure.

Cunk: Man, you are not the person I'd take to any party. So tell me Nikolai, being a king must come with a lot of perks. Do you get a 'royal discount' on those fancy robes, or do you just use coupons like the rest of us?

Nikolai: I actually had this tailor by my staff.

Cunk: You make being a king sound almost lavish. (Talking to her crew: Find me a place to establish my rule and become a king would you?)

Nikolai: I could just give you my tailor? Ruling a kingdom just for clothes would be expensive.

Cunk: Speaking about ruling the kingdom, they say 'behind every great king is a great advisor.' So, who's your go-to person for deciding which socks to wear?

Nikolai: Agastya Yu. That's my socks choosing staff. Cunk: Well, they are doing a good job. (Pointing to his seagull themed socks)

Cunk: If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one Grisha power, which one would it be? I hear controlling seagulls can be quite handy.

Nikolai: I'm not sure that that's an actual power, although being a squaller might have an advantage.

Cunk: Isn't that what I just said? Power of controlling the seagulls.

Nikolai: (Entertaining all the whimsicalness at this point) Yes ofcourse.

Cunk: Talking about your trauma, rumor has it that you've faced some pretty monstrous creatures. How do you handle them? I'm asking for a friend, Mark, he's so terrified of garden gnomes these days. Poor boy can't even go out on his lawn.

Nikolai: (He thinks he's clever by deflecting this one) Why does he have garden gnomes and how as well, if he's so scared of them?

Cunk: No one just has garden gnomes Nikolai. They appear on their own. (To the crew: Had he been living under a rock?)

Cunk: That's it, I'm giving you my presentation on humanity next week. Be ready. This boy clearly knows nothing about the real world now does he.

Stay tuned for the next interview with the famous chef inej ghafa.

[irresistiibles]

beneath the cut is a far too long event starter/plot call! feel free to like this and i will come bother you on discord probably tomorrow. this is also a starter call, though i definitely tend to prefer plotting first you're welcome to just hop in and request things with that being said i'm working on clearing out a lot of my older threads. if you request two people we previously had a thread for i will probably drop the old one unless it is extremely plot heavy, and in general i am going to use the event as a way to clear out my older things that have been reaching an end.

amber: not too worried, but could definitely get it in her head that she should go out and play detective to help people and try to drag others into the nonsense as well

asami sato: she pays for a good security system and knows several different ways to defend herself. she's a little on edge just because it's yet another thing and she's tired, but is mostly feeling alright all things considered.

ciel phantomhive: also pays for good security and isn't letting himself stress out too much, or at least that's how he's coming off. will be pretty dismissive towards anyone that brings it up but potentially go looking for answers on his own.

starters (1/?): lizzie midford

columbina: she's amused more than anything i'm afraid. really, if you're going to kill someone she thinks you should do it with a bit more tact or care, but she's got morbid interests and could definitely be found looking for, or even tampering with evidence, more for amusement rather than answers though.

emily daivs: very unhappy and a little harsly paranoid about it. she's already worked way too hard to survive, she is not letting just some nobody in washington take her out. with that said she's going to be pretty careful around jsut about anyone. if she doesn't know you she doesn't trust you and she wants you at least five feet away from her at all times.

esther mckinnon: tired of these things happening, but not making too many changes in her life to be careful. she's going to text the family and try and make sure they're all good but beyond that she doesn't want to let some weirdness change her day to day life and make things unbearable. it's not that she doesn't care but she can't halt her life every two months when washington gets wild

starters (1/?): marlene mckinnon

gerard of greenleigh: anxious frog dad continues to be anxious, sort of. listen, murders aren't exactly new considering the life he was living back home, but still! everyone here is making it sound like a big deal so he feels like it's a big deal!! he is not investigating at all. he is trying to make sure ylfa and ros are safe and then just keep his nose out of it

starters (1/?): ylfa

glinda upland: honestly? she knows she is not the type to solve a murder. she is trying to stay out of it, and just not be lurking around alone. will drag people to do just about anything with her so that there's safety in numbers, but that's about it. she's not getting too worked up by it. she'll talk theories with some people but she won't be good at it and may just confuse everyone involved

starters (1/?): irina denali

gu zi: concerned for sure, but also doesn't know what he could actually do about it. checking in on the people he knows, but otherwise is trying to stay out of it and let the authorities handle it

inej ghafa: so many concerns. first and foremost she's looking out for her people, especially the unaware ones who might not be able to defend themselves as well. after that she's definitely doing a lot of lurking, trying to grab whatever information she can. she means well and will try and help people if it's ever needed, and is sort of looking into things, but from a much more quiet point of view. she's not throwing herself into it for everyone to see

starters (1/?) : jesper fahey

jin ling: tired! will threaten to fight if you seem weird even though he shouldn't! trying to keep track of seven thousand family members. not going anywhere without his dog who will attack on command. he's worked up but what else is new

starters (1/?): wei wuxian

lily evans: trying!! to stay out of it. she's nosy, and has a good sense of judgement, so she could wind up looking into things and being involved even though she knows it's not the smart thing to do, but her intention truly is to keep her distance and let the authorities handle it.

luo qingyang: another one who would like to avoid drama as much as possible. this isn't her problem, though she'll definitely be a little more defensive. carrying her sword around more than normal and will pull it out if it feels necessary, but not running around trying to solve and fucking mysteries.

madoka kaname: very stressed! wants to help but doesn't really know how. honestly she's mostly staying out of it but if you catch her near a murder sight or evidence she would be very easy to talk into investigating cause she wants to do the write thing

starters (1/?): homura akemi

mei nianqing: tired. looking for jun wu cause man is convinced he has something to do with all of this, but isn't doing a lot to actively solve or fix anything outside of that. this is a problem for younger people

nico di angelo: mostly uncaring. he doesn't think anyone's gonna come kill him and even if they do like ? cool he apparently comes right back. he's worried about his sisters but beyond that man is truly chilling with mcdonalds. life goes on.

nie huaisang: keeping up with the news but beyond that staying out of it. this is an art student, what the fuck is he supposed to do about it. if you approach him and he thinks you seem shady he will absolutely start screaming at the top of his lungs with zero remorse. he would rather be an annoying idiot than dead. can talk theory and be pretty smart about it if you make him focus long enough.

pearl: this is a human problem which means it's not her problem, though she also doesn't respect the cops and would tamper with evidence on the basis of like "i can definitely figure this out faster how has no one been caught yet." will investigate if she's around the area or someone asks her to but isn't going out of her way to do it

princess zelda: is this her problem? no. is zelda a nosy little know-it-all who will have a hard time completely staying away from it? absolutely yes. she knows it's not the smart thing but will keep trying to head around areas where bodies were found and look around. someone please either get her to relax or encourage the bad behavior.

shang qinghua: highkey staying out of it. this just is not his problem, and he's not investigating murders without any money being offered. honestly, he is not that worried. like he'll carry a knife with him in case but he's surprisingly good at surviving, and he doesn't consider himself particularly fun to murder. just don't sneak up on him for the next two weeks or you might wind up with an accidental stab wound

starters (1/?): qi yan

shi qingxuan: trying to stay out of it. a little worried that one of the two morally dubious people she's close to could be involved somehow but absolutely does not want to ask. qingxuan is head empty though and is relatively still way too trustworthy throughout this whole thing and would be way too easy to murder.

starters (1/?): ling wen

toph beifong: relatively unbothered. toph can take care of herself and knows that. confident she could body like anyone in washington if need be. if someone wants to play detective they'll take backup for fun, but isn't going to run in and do anything herself out of the blue.

starters: (2/?): ty lee, katara

victor nikiforov: another fool who is way too casual about the whole thing. sure there's murderers out there but he's still gonna go out and do his thing. why would they come after him? he's too handsom to be murdered. someone should probably attempt to talk some sense into him. he's not investigating, but if he comes across anything that feels weird he will post on instagram about it

yin yu: he's not investigating unless he's explicitly told to. he tries to be a good person, but he's pretty sure you don't need to jump into solving a murder to qualify for that. a little careful because he's the type to keep to quieter areas and the shadows and probably realizes that maybe he has to go out into crowds more until this is handled, but that's his biggest struggle. will tell people to chill and not run in and play hero if he has to

zagreus: speaking of running in and playing hero, this man absolutely would be like "alright, i have to lend and hand and solve things!" sticking his nose anywhere and everywhere, sharing theories with people, being way up in people's faces about getting things solved. he's annoying but he means well.

zhongli: another tired old man. he's trying to keep the people he cares about safe, especially since a lot (if not all) of them are young and reckless and he knows they're going to run head first into this stuff. he's not investigating, but does have a lot of knowledge and is happy to sit and talk theories with anyone who is.

starters (1/?): amelia shepherd

[sainteda]

Hiya! I saw this gifset of Kit speaking about the Wesper slow burn romance in the book vs the fast-paced relationship in the show, and I just thought I'd share it with you 😅

[Link]

hello! <3

thank you for sharing!! i don't keep up with panels or cast stuff at all anymore so i prob would have never seen this otherwise.

i've seen a few people make the same point kit makes, and i think what frustrates me is that the problem with show!wesper isn't necessarily a lack of realism or age-appropriateness (i don't actually know who is arguing that) but the error in the heart of the adaptation. because yes, sure, with older characters certain behaviour will change, so the new dynamics makes Sense (although i would like to say adding more sex is quite literally just the least challenging way of portraying an aged-up character, it is absolutely not a requisite for maturity or realism lol) — but why should it have to?? why adapt a series with the crows as half-fledged, aged-up backdrop characters (who later overshadow the supposed central plot in repeated bouts of cheap fan service) instead of one where they keep their original ages? in the duology, the crows being teenagers is literally crucial to the theme of the story. everything is 10x more impactful and devastating because of how young they are. those ages have purpose. changing them has more consequences than just changing wesper, but i'll never shut up if i start talking about them and i briefly mentioned a few qualms in The Essay, so...

obviously i don't expect kit to say/believe that the show is splintered at its core and tear apart the whole thing but yk 😭

yes, based on the changes, there's nothing illogical about a fast-paced wesper, but also — "if we're a slow burn, everyone's a slow burn" — GOOD?!!!! i have never ever met anyone who doesn't like a slow burn. it's not like slow burns pigeonhole their ships into repetitive tropes; they're universal and can be done a thousand different ways. show!wesper, however 'logical' their development may be as adults (and i'd argue the rush, the forgotten one night stand, the appalling lack of wylan as an individual and the half-hazard attempt at jesper's arc leaves Much to be desired) lacks the deliberately paced mutual longing, (mis)understanding, acceptance, trust, and love that makes book!wesper so great.

i've already talked about my discomfort with show!wesper as the only built and established lgbtq+ rep considering fivan vanished this season and if you blinked you could have missed tamadia entirely, but i will reiterate again that i think that's where A LOT of people's discomfort stems from as well. i think some people arguing in favour of show!wesper might be missing that aspect because it's a very individual, personal gripe. i won't pretend six of crows didn't lean into the bi promiscuity stereotype occasionally, but i've always loved nina and jesper and honestly never felt misrepresented or offended reading either of them. they were both capable, full characters with plenty of other attributes, virtues and vices like all the other characters. on the other hand, a fast paced lazily aged wesper, the liberal handling of jesper as comedic relief with an established pattern for sleeping around (including during important missions), the lack of mention for nina's sexuality OR explicit recognition of jesper's for that matter, all rubbed me the wrong way. personally. and that's not to mention wylan's disability being used as a prop for wesper angst, making me get angry all over again about the way kaz's disability was handled and inej's trauma and and and...

listen, i could complain forever and still find more to complain about. it'll just go on and on. sorry, once i get started i don't know how to be normal or rational about this show, i hope you don't regret your message and ty again 😭

[vole-mon-amour]

2x01, Part 1.

Poor little meow meow. Somebody snap his neck pls.

*squeals* MY BABIES.

This is a 'I'm here for the crows only' territory. :)

Lmaooo. Jesper be like, "Yes boss. Hate to do nothing but ok, boss."

Things are moving rather quickly. What the HELL. Crooked Kingdom deserves its own damn SHOW, not this!! And the flashback immediately?? Omg. Then jesper handling his guns... No, don't touch Crooked Kingdom ;_;

HELL YEAH.

That's such a powerful acting. What a scene. No idea how people that didn't read the books watch this, but yeah.

*inhumane screeching* Remember when in the book Inej caught on Kaz having a panic attack? And how it's Jesper here, and he immediately tries to create a diversion and help him? KAZPER FOR THE PEOPLE. Also, Jesper calling him by his name.... Shamelessly falling into this Kazper void. My boys.

Can you IMAGINE how heavy that hand on Kaz's shoulder feels? Ahhh.

HELLOOOOO?????? WHAT [ARE] YOU DOING THERE. I mean, I remember some encounters of him and Kaz in the book, but HUH???? It was well closer to the end, if I'm not mistaken? Or was it in SAB? I already forgot since I didn't like SAB, only the crow series. I love how they show it though: Kaz noticing every detail, every difference.

Look how gorgeous.

My fav theme of Kaz and Jesper sharing and exchanging glasses continues. <3

Kaz is so done with Jesper when he's babbling, lol.

Don't you start this "Jesper has his doubts about Kaz" nonsense. Don't you dare.

The famous look. Kaz immediately being introduced to us as someone who knows about Jesper being a Durast... THINGS ARE MOVING RATHER SWIFTLY.

It was for your own sake, you fool. When are you gonna talk about Jordie with him? WHEN??

"When you shoot, you never miss."

I'm not really sure if Kaz pushing him like that is in character for Kaz. Sure, he's like that most of the time. But the only thing that Jesper intends to keep for himself, and Kaz NEEDING to see how Jesper turns that coin into a key? That's... not something I feel he'd do? I should definitely reread CK. I don't remember Kaz pushing Jesper like that. I understand they might need it for the sake of the show, but... I don't feel good about this. Kaz usually notices and keeps it to himself. Like when he sent Jesper and Wylan to a mental asylum, knowing Wylan's mom is alive, letting Wylan experience it at his own pace and grief through that moment. I'm very conflicted about this. I obviously like Kazper visuals, but not all of them are exactly good. We'll see.

That scene between Darkling and Alina... jfc, they're suffocating and pompous. I genuinely don't know if I dislike them in the show or in the books more. Both are bad lol.

And here we go with the posters around the city. Honestly, CK is all over the place here. Scattered.

The Menagerie... I am VERY cautious about how they'll portray that one. That storyline bothers me A LOT.

I mean, that's a valid question, considering their history.

I'm ready for a scene of ONE disabled Kaz beating up, what, 5 abled bodyguards of Rollins at the Crow Club? And pushing some of them down the stairs. Go, Kaz, go!!

Jesper is all dorky and all, but he isn't stupid. Why are they making him this way in the show?

[averrse]

ooc. i have mixed feelings about kaz's touch aversion in crooked kingdom (is anyone shocked) so i'm going to talk about it a little

on the one hand, the flashback with imogen was great. the way kaz wanted to try to overcome his touch aversion and his trauma response by taking it head on like he dealt with most of his problems... and then failed and was set back horrifically? Loved that. It reminded me of what I read in The Evil Hours about treating PTSD with exposure therapy and how that went horribly wrong for some patients. felt very authentic.

but then in the ending, he's able to hold inej's hand without his glove, and i'm not sure why? inej does mention that he's still having a trauma response, but he also seems to be handling it way better... I don't know, since it's from inej's POV it's hard to tell, but i still felt really off about him making that step forward when their relationship had taken a step back and inej was on the verge of giving up on him. it can't be a result of him pushing himself, because the story has shown us that does not work for him. true love doesn't heal mental illness, and inej even makes a nod to that in that chapter so??? i don't know. i find it very confusing. maybe he was able to withstand it because it was a kind of happy moment where he was able to give her all the things he can't imagine having (freedom in the form of her ship and her family), and he'll have to deal with the consequences later... but that's quite sad, isn't it. i don't know.

obviously i'm happy for him if he's able to hold her hand without consequences, i just do not know what happened to make him able to do it. hands are not a small step! hands are particularly difficult! i think the sparseness of kaz pov chapters really hurts his development toward the end and leaves me a little frustrated and confused. why include the imogen flashback and then undermine it without showing any development?

[emjenenla]

If You’re Gone, Maybe It’s Time to Come Home Part Three [a SoC Fanfiction]

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Sorry for the outrageous amount of time this update took. College eats up all your time. Also, it turns out Kaz in this mental state is ridiculously hard to write in another character’s POV.

--

Part Three

(Inej)

(1)

The Van Eck mansion is full to the brim of members of the Dregs. The irony is thick because a year ago, such people would never have been allowed on the same street.

Inej threads her way through the drinking gang members. They’re laughing and sharing stories. They’ve all been told that the party is to celebrate the Dregs’ rise to prominence as the most powerful gang in Ketterdam; only the Crows and a few extremely trusted others know that the party is actually in honor of Inej’s successes hunting slavers.

Even though the building is full of people, it still feels empty to Inej. The only Crows there aside from her are Jesper and Wylan. Kaz hasn’t yet appeared, and Matthias’s death still weighs heavily on her, not to mention the fact that it has caused Nina to drop off the face of the world. Inej has no idea where her friend is and no one has heard from her in months.

Inej has tried everything to find Nina, even picking Kaz’s brain in their coded letters (if anyone knows where Nina is, it’s him). However, it’s been months since Kaz mentioned anything even semi-personal in his letters. They were always impersonal, but since her last visit to Ketterdam, he hasn’t bothered to do anything but send her lists of information. She’s starting to think he’s still sulking about the talking-to she gave him the last time they saw each other. That bothers her, because while Kaz is totally capable of holding a grudge for a couple months (after all, he managed to hold one on Pekka Rollins for years), he’s never stayed mad at her for this long before.

(2)

It’s at least ten bells when she finally admits that she’s worried. This isn’t like Kaz. She’d thought that he’d at least show his face, even if that was only because Jesper and Wylan or Anika and Keeg dragged him along.

She eventually seeks out Anika who is sitting at a table playing a good-natured card game with Pim, Keeg, Dirix and Roeder while Rotty and a couple other high-ranking Dregs look on. They all look up when Inej steps up.

“’Lo, Wraith,” Dirix says. “Welcome back. You staying for good this time?”

“Please don’t,” Roeder says with a good-natured smile to show he’s joking. “I like my job, and I don’t want you to steal it back.”

“No, I’m not staying,” Inej says. “Just stopping by for a visit. If you enjoy scrambling over every dirty, smelly crevasse of this city doing Kaz’s bidding, you’re more than welcome to it.” The instant the words come out of her mouth she feels guilty; she had never minded being Kaz’s spider, even when he was in a mood.

Still the Dregs laugh. They are all high enough in the ranks to have personally dealt with Kaz enough to know just how frustrating putting up with his opaque orders and unfathomable schemes could be.

When the laughter dies Inej moves on to the real reason she came over by them. “Where is Kaz by the way? I know he doesn’t like parties, but I haven’t seen him at all since I got back.”

The table goes silent. The Dregs look back and forth at each other like they’re trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Inej’s stomach clenches with a familiar sense of apprehension, one that she’s been getting when she reads Kaz’s letters for months. It’s a subtle hint that something isn’t right, but she can’t for the life of her figure out what it is.

After a moment, Anika pushes back her chair and gives her cards to Rotty. “If you make me lose, I’ll end you,” she threatens, then stands up. “Come on, Ghafa,” she says in what Inej can only assume is her lieutenant’s voice. “Let’s have a chat.”

(3)

They step out into the hallway and Anika paces to the end to look out at the garden, arms crossed.

“Anika,” Inej ventures stepping up alongside her. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Kaz?”

“I don’t know,” Anika says, slowly and precisely, like saying each word hurts.

“What do you mean?” Inej asks.

“He’s missing,” Anika says. “No one’s seen him in days.”

“What?” Inej can’t help it, she yells. “Why aren’t you looking for him?”

“We are!” Anika’s voice raises too. “But Ketterdam’s a big place and we don’t know where half his boltholes are. To be honest, he could still be holed up in his rooms in the Slat since no one actually saw him leave. No one answers when we knock, but the door’s locked, like, really locked.” She gives Inej a significant look.

Inej nods. Kaz has more locks on his door than any person should ever need, but he rarely uses all of them because several can only be locked and unlocked from the inside. He wouldn’t have gone through that much trouble if he was just going out. “Have you tried the windows?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Anika says. “We sent Mina up the morning after we lost track of him. The windows are all locked. To make matters worse, each one’s fitted with multiple Schuyler locks. Aside from Kaz there’s only a handful of people in the gang who can pick those, and none of them are capable of getting up on that roof without killing themselves.”

Inej bites her lip. She doesn’t know what to say. This doesn’t sound like Kaz at all. She tries to decide how likely it is that he just found an intriguing job and doesn’t like the odds. “Do you think he’s on a job?”

Anika growls low in the back of her throat, and Inej looks at her. “What?”

“You haven’t been around these past couple months, Ghafa,” Anika says. “Something’s not right with him. Hasn’t been in months, but it’s gotten worse since the last time you were here. I don’t know what kind of lover’s squabble the two of you had, but while you’ve been out there gallivanting around the ocean, we’ve been here dealing with him.”

Inej opens her mouth to protest that she’s doing a lot more than gallivanting, but stops herself because she’s not sure if Anika’s on the list of people who have been trusted with the true nature of her mission.

“Pim and I are basically running the Dregs,” Anika admits, calming down. “Brekker barely does anything anymore. I don’t think he’s realized we’ve noticed, though I’m not sure how that’s possible. He’s not very aware of anything. He spends a lot of time just staring blankly off into space. He’s not scheming, but I can’t figure out what he’s actually thinking about.”

Inej doesn’t know what to say. The idea of Kaz not pulling his own weight and leading the gang he bled for for so long is ludicrous. She can’t wrap her mind around it.

“So far, only the inner circle knows exactly how bad it is,” Anika says. She sounds exhausted. “That means me, Pim, Keeg, Dirix, Rotty, Roeder and Mina. We’re trying to keep it from going farther than that, but we’re running out of time. There are low-ranking members of the Dregs who are personally loyal to Kaz, but the majority of them are only loyal to the idea of him—of Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel. When they figure out what’s going on…”

She doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t need to. Inej knows the Barrel well enough to know what Anika was going to say. If word gets out that Kaz is weak the very gang that has followed him so ravenously will turn on him just like they turned on Per Haskell. If that happens, Kaz will be lucky to escape with his life.

The thought is terrifying.

“What happened before he went missing?” Inej asks Anika, trying to push the conversation away from the horrible idea of Kaz’s possibly imminent fall.

Anika sighs. “You’d do best to ask Espen that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hard to say,” Anika says. “All I know is that the night we lost track of the boss, he was supposed to go out to do some scouting with the spiders. He didn’t show up for hours. Roeder and Mina were just going to go without him, but Espen got angry and stalked upstairs. After a couple minutes he came down and said that-” she cuts herself off. “You know, you probably should talk to Espen about that, I’m not even sure I understand what went on.”

(5)

It takes Inej the better part of an hour to located Espen in the swirling mass of humanity in the Van Eck house. She’s just starting to wonder if he left without telling anyone when she runs into Mina. The young spider is more than happy to point her in Espen’s direction.

“I saw him over by the food,” she says. “Sulking probably; he hates parties.”

Inej threads through the crowd to the location specified. Espen is seated on a couch, crushed between the arm and a couple older members of the Dregs. He is clutching a plate of hors d'oeuvres and looks murderous, but he’s still there. If Kaz had been in his position, he’d have broken someone’s jaw and fled upstairs where there are less people by now.

Espen doesn’t notice her approach him, and Inej makes a mental note to tell Kaz to teach his spiders to be more observant. She waltzes up to Espen and snaps her fingers in front of his face.

He glares at her, overgrown mop of straw-colored hair falling into his angry blue eyes. Sometimes Inej looks at him and thinks that this must have been what Kaz had been like at age eleven, but other times she thinks that Kaz and Espen are only superficially alike. There is something almost theatrical about Espen’s anger, like he’s playing a part or seeking attention. She can’t imagine careful, calculating, brilliant Kaz ever acting like that.

“Wha’ do you want?” Espen asks in a low, gruff voice that might be a poor attempt at mimicking Kaz’s rasp.

“Just a chat,” Inej says and beckons with a finger. “Let’s go someplace quieter.”

(5)

She leads him into an upstairs parlor and locks the door behind them. He stands in the middle of the room, his arms crossed. “I’m waiting,” he says.

Inej rolls her eyes. “Drop the act. You’re not a hotshot. You’re just a kid.”

“I’m one of Kaz Brekker’s trusted spiders,” Espen says puffing his chest out. “I am one of the most important members of the Dregs.”

“Yes, and I’m the Wraith,” Inej says. “Do we really want to start throwing titles and accomplishments around?”

Espen visibly deflates. He either didn’t recognize her (which doesn’t make sense because she’s given him and the other spiders some tips during her visits in Ketterdam) or he was hoping she wouldn’t call him out on his bravado (much more likely). “What do you want?” he asks.

“Anika said that you and Kaz got in a fight a couple days ago,” Inej says.

“Yeah,” Espen says. “Happens all the time. Why does it matter?” There’s now something cagey about his body language. He’d rather not be talking about this.

“Why don’t you tell me about it,” Inej suggests, using the gentle, soothing voice she’s cultivated to put rescued slaves at ease.

She expects Espen to argue, but he grasps onto her offer to listen almost frantically. Whatever happened between him and Kaz has been weighing on his mind and he desperately wants to talk about it.

“I’m not a spider anymore,” he says.

That was not how she expected him to begin this conversation. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“I got fired,” Espen says, his voice is angry, but matter-of-fact in the way that only Barrel rats seem to be able to manage. As if bad things are something to be expected and taken when they come. “After the argument. Boss says he doesn’t want to see me ever again.”

That is odd. Inej has never known Kaz to tell someone he never wants to see them again. Loathe as she is to admit it, normally when he gets to that point he simply kills the person in question to ensure he doesn’t have to deal with them anymore. “What happened?” she asks slowly.

Espen shrugs, evasive anger back again. “I dunno. Brekker’s been really stupid lately.”

That sets off even more alarms in Inej’s head. She has never, ever heard the word “stupid” used in the same sentence as “Kaz Brekker.” “What do you mean?” she asks cautiously.

For a second Espen looks confused then nervous. “If Anika didn’t say anything, then maybe I shouldn’t-”

“Tell me,” Inej presses, shoving away the hurt at the idea that Anika might be keeping things from her. She and Anika aren’t exactly friends, but they’re not enemies either. Plus, Anika holds a position in the Dregs similar to the one that Kaz did when Haskell was general (albeit, with much less actual power). Of all the members of the Dregs, she’s the closest to Kaz and might be the only one who has a firm grasp on how serious Inej’s relationship with Kaz is. “Kaz is my friend,” she continues ignoring the voice that screams that she and Kaz are way past the “just friends” point. “If there’s something going on with him; I need to know about it.”

Espen sighs then relents and begins his story. Inej listens with growing shock as he relates his confrontation with Kaz. She recognizes the Kaz’s behavior because she has seen them in people she rescues from slavers. She has seen people who lash out at every perceived threat, who see such behavior as the only way to protect themselves from a world that has turned its back on them. She has just never applied them to Kaz.

“I don’t know what was wrong with him,” Espen finishes looking confused. “Is he sick?”

“He’ll be fine,” Inej says because she doesn’t feel like trying to explain trauma to a Barrel kid who has been raised in a community that refuses to acknowledge anything but strength. “Do you know where he went after your argument?”

Espen shrugs. “Dunno. I didn’t see him go anywhere.”

“Okay,” Inej says taking a deep breath in an effort to contain her thoughts. “Thank you.”

(6)

She approaches the Slat the way she always has; by the roofs. She isn’t sure that she truly believes Kaz will be there, but she isn’t sure where else to start so she decides to take her chances.

The window she always entered Kaz’s room through, the window she often sat in feeding the crows, is closed with a dark curtain pulled down behind it. It takes her upwards of twenty minutes to figure out how to pick the Schuyler locks, but when she finally does she pulls the window open, pushes aside the curtain and steps inside.

The room is dark and cluttered which is strange because for all his money Kaz owns very little and keeps what he does in impeccable order. Now there are clothes and weapons strewn across the floor. As Inej steps inside she accidently steps on a sheet of paper that is scrawled over on both sides in Kaz’s handwriting. A number of other sheets of paper are spread across the rest of the floor like someone threw them.

She’s just reaching the conclusion that someone must have broken into Kaz’s room and ransacked it when she realizes the room is not empty. There’s a teenage boy-sized lump in the bed and on closer investigation she realizes it’s Kaz.

She knows that Kaz sleeps on his side, curled into the fetal position with his back pressed up against the nearest wall, but she has never seen him take it quite this far. He’s curled up so tightly that he’s almost in a legitimate ball. She knows that’s bad for his leg; he’ll be lucky if he can stand let alone walk when he gets up. His coal gray blanket is pulled up so that only his hair is visible. He isn’t using a pillow and after a second she realizes that’s because he’s clutching it to his chest like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning in a stormy ocean.

“Kaz?” she asks her voice nervous. “Kaz.” He doesn’t stir so she crosses the room trying to step around the papers incase they’re important. When she reaches his side, she kneels down next to him. “Kaz.” She says a little louder, reaching out and pulling the blanket away from his face, careful not to touch any skin. “Kaz, wake up.”

He shifts slightly, but doesn’t straighten or release his death grip on the pillow. One eye cracks open just slightly then closes again and he buries his face in the pillow.

“Kaz,” she repeats. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

He moves again, just slightly and mutters something, but the words are rendered incomprehensible by the pillow.

“Kaz!” her voice is rising panic now, she grasps his blanket-covered shoulder and shakes him. “Look at me!”

(7)

As always, the physical contact gets a response from him. He bats her hands away with a motion that is a little more haphazard than it usually would be. His eyes open and he looks at her like he can’t decide if she’s actually there. “Inej?” he asks after a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Inej says. “Why aren’t you at Jesper and Wylan’s party?”

Kaz looks away. “I’m not going,” he says.

“Yes, I’d kind of figured that out,” she says perhaps a bit sharper than she intended to. She takes a deep breath and changes her tone before she goes on. “Are you still angry at me for the last time I was here?” he doesn’t say anything so she pushes onward. “Anika said you’ve been missing for a couple days. Are you okay?”

No answer.

“Kaz,” she presses. “Are you okay?”

Still no answer. He won’t even look at her.

“Kaz!” she shouts. He jumps which might have actually been funny under different circumstances. “Enough of this. Are You Okay?” She isn’t even sure why she’s continuing on this line of questioning when he pretty obviously not okay and she knows that if she does convince him to talk he’ll just lie. Perhaps she just wants the reassurance of knowing that he’s at least okay enough to lie to her.

If that’s what she wants she doesn’t get it, because Kaz says nothing. He just keeps looking away, eyes vacant and dead.

Just like their argument on the roof. She’d thought how silent he’d been then was wrong. They’ve argued before, but Kaz has never been quiet and listened. When Kaz is in an argument he lays into the other person with every ounce of cruel intelligence he possesses. Before that night, Inej had never won an argument with him. She should have known right away that something was wrong, but she’d been too angry and too high on her own victory to notice.

“Kaz,” Her voice softens, almost pleading. “What’s wrong?”

Finally he looks back at her, his eyes are still dead in a way that looks nothing like the Bastard of the Barrel. “Nothing,” he says. “I’m fine.”

Even though she was expecting this she can’t help but sigh. “Tell me the truth, Kaz.”

“I was sleeping,” Kaz says in a tone of voice that’s a little too flat for his defensive words. “Nothing more.”

“It’s ten thirty,” she points out.

He raises an eyebrow. “All kinds of people go to bed before that.”

“Not you,” Inej points out. It’s true; going to bed at midnight constitutes as early for Kaz Brekker. “Come on, Kaz.”

“I’m fine,” he says. “Leave me alone and let me sleep.”

Then he curls up on the bed again with his back facing her.

(8)

She can’t get him to start talking to her again, no matter how much she pleads. When she tries shaking him again he just shoves her off and pulls the blanket over his head.

Eventually she realizes that she’s unlikely to get any response from him. She’s going to be stuck waiting for the unlikely possibility that he’ll relent and tell her what’s wrong. She stands up. “I’m going to clean up this room a little,” she told him. “I’ll be right here if you decide you want to talk.”

Kaz doesn’t answer.

Inej sighs and sets to work on the mess Kaz has made. There’s an empty whiskey bottle lying on the floor and when she picks it up she realizes that it’s that super expensive whiskey she and Kaz stole once. Trust Kaz not to get drunk on something cheap.

She throws the bottle away, then turns to the papers spread out across the floor. After she picks up a couple she realizes they’re part of a letter. It takes her the better part of fifteen minutes to gather them all up and figure out what order they go in, but then her curiosity gets the better of her and she starts to read.

(9)

What she reads horrifies her.

If it wasn’t Kaz’s handwriting she would have thought someone else wrote it. The words don’t sound like Kaz Brekker. Kaz Brekker isn’t this open. He doesn’t talk like this. Kaz Brekker does not display this kind of abject self-hatred. Yet at the same time she knows that this horrible, untrue letter is Kaz and she knows that this is how he feels. This is what she abandoned him to without even realizing it.

She knew he had a lot armor, but she realizes now she may have given her understanding a bit too much credit. She had thought that she saw Kaz completely through the eyes of the almost eighteen year old woman she is now, but she realizes she was wrong. Somewhere inside of her a tiny portion of the fifteen year old girl she had been when Kaz rescued her from the Menagerie has been hanging on skewing her viewing of him. Back then she saw Kaz as something powerful and immortal, something strong enough to rise above the filth of Ketterdam, something that could make the monsters pay. That was what had drawn her to him in the beginning; the promise that perhaps, just perhaps he could make her something like that too.

Over the years that view of Kaz had started to die as she realized that Ketterdam took something from everyone, realized she did not need to be a monster. She’d also realized that Kaz was no demon, no immortal being, he was just a boy who had suffered trauma every bit as great as hers.

If Inej was honest with herself, Kaz had done more than just buy her indenture; he was why she wasn’t like some of the blank-eyed people she pulls out of slaver holds. From the instant she’d left the Mangerie, she’d never had the chance to sink into the blackness of her own despair because Kaz had always been there pushing her to move climb a little faster, hit a little harder, to be more than that girl who’d been sold in the brothels. He had saved her, even if he’d never intended to, even if he hadn’t even realized he was doing it. She had owed him the same, and she’d failed.

She sits on the floor and presses her forehead against her knees. She’d left Ketterdam thinking that she didn’t need Kaz anymore. That is at least kind of true; she no longer relies on him to determine her identity the she once did. She’s her own person with her own goals in her reach, but she’d forgotten to wonder whether Kaz needs her more than she needs him.

She turns to him. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say to him, but she knows that she needs to say something. “Kaz…” she whispers. He doesn’t respond, but his shoulders aren’t as tight as they were before so she thinks he’s fallen back to sleep.

She carefully pulls the blanket back around his shoulders so it’s no longer covering his face. Then she carefully steps towards the window. She isn’t sure what she needs to do to fix this and the only thing she can think of is that the only food Kaz keeps in his rooms is dry, gross stuff that doesn’t spoil. Food is like a bandage on a gaping wound, but it is something she can do right now.

Before she leaves she thinks about trying to find all Kaz’s knives and lock them up. She doesn’t know if Kaz will try to hurt himself, but she also knows that she’s unlikely to find all the knives he has hidden. She decides she’s better off just moving quickly and hoping to be back before he wakes up.

She takes one last look at his crumpled form and leaps out the window.

(10)

Her first stop is at the Van Eck mansion. She writes a note to Anika saying that she’s found Kaz, and one to Jesper and Wylan saying that something has come up and that she’ll make it up to them later. She doesn’t mention anything about the kind of shape Kaz is in. She’s not going to tell anyone about what’s going on without his blessing.

She gives the letters to one of the servants then sneaks into the kitchens. She makes off with some meat and vegetables because it will be easier than finding a shop to break into. She’ll pay Jesper and Wylan back later.

After leaving the mansion she stops by the Wraith to grab a few things. This only takes a few minutes and the crewmember on watch doesn’t even notice that she’s there. She makes a mental note to give her crew a talking to about how to be on guard duty, but right now she has bigger problems.

As she heads back to the Slat she passes by the small toy shop where she got the stuffed crow she gave to Alby Rollins before she left Ketterdam. She picks the simple lock on the backdoor and lets herself in. The shop is just as small and quaint as it was the last time she was here. She remembers belatedly that she’d promised the owner she’d convince Kaz to put this shop under Dregs protection in exchange for making the crow toy in a matter of hours. She’d forgotten in the whirlwind of preparations for her voyage. She renews that promise to herself as she looks at the wares spread out around the dark shop. She should not get in the habit of breaking her promises.

She wanders through the store looking at all the cute, fluffy stuffed toys. She isn’t exactly sure why she came here, but she feels like she needs to be here.

Eventually she stops before a rack of stuffed bears. She had a bear toy as a child. She remembers hugging it to her chest and feeling safe. She wonders briefly what happened to it when she got too old to want it anymore. Suddenly she hopes her parents didn’t get rid of it. She would like to see it again.

As she runs her fingers along the shelves of stuffed bears she wonders if Kaz ever had a toy like this. She has spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out exactly where Kaz came from. She knows that at some point in his life someone must have cared for him--he would have died as an infant if he’d been completely abandoned from the moment he was born--but she hasn’t been able to figure out who. She knows Kaz had a brother, but she doesn’t even know what his name was let alone how much older he was. Perhaps this older brother raised Kaz in the Barrel and then ran afoul of Pekka Rollins.

The only person who could answer her questions is Kaz and he’s so close-lipped about himself that it’s honestly a miracle he admitted he even had a brother. She wishes she could convince him to talk to her. She wants to help him, and talking always helps.

She shakes herself. She’s not helping Kaz by sitting in a toy shop and leaving him all alone. She starts to leave, then pauses and turns back to the rack of bears. She suddenly becomes aware of the idea that has been forming in her mind the entire time she’s been in this shop. She’s fully aware it might be a terrible idea and that he might refuse it at best and assume she’s mocking him at worst, but she feels like it’s something she needs to do.

She chooses to a medium-sized bear with a soft, cuddly body; silky, caramel-colored fur and a sweet, reassuring face that doesn’t have any uncomfortable wires in it. She sets the tag on the shop counter along with twice the kruge the owner is charging and slides the bear into a bag she took from Jesper and Wylan’s.

She leaves the shop, locking the door carefully behind her. Then she takes a deep breath, collects herself and takes to the rooftops for the journey back to the Slat.

--

That teddy bear is probably the one concession to fluff you’ll get out of me. I read a headcanon post on Tumblr once where Inej wins a stuffed animal in a throwing contest and gives it to Kaz, and ever since I’ve been sort of obsessed with the idea.

One more part left. Hopefully it will get out soon, but I’ll make no promises.

Thank you for reading!

Emjen

[rcksmith]

Desire — Kaz Brekker

(Photo not mine)

Requests: “Hello there! I've been around this blog for a bit now and you are an amazing writer! I was wondering if you would be ok with doing something with 21 28 & 29 from the smut prompts and kaz brekker? If you are uncomfortable please just ignore this!”

“Kaz brekker Smut prompts 28 66?? Love you💖!!”

“I can request Kaz smut prompts 29?❤️”

Smut prompts:

21. “Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already shaking.”

28. “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

29. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

66. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of shot, mention of desire, desire, mention of smut, explicit smut, NSFW.

Word count: 3k

A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.

I hope you like💕 English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — —

There was something about you. Something impossible to decipher, with a glow hovering around you like a electrical energy. Wrapping your whole body in a cloak of magnetism. There was something about the way you spoke, walked, laugh. Something about what it was like to be you, in your beauty and mysteries like a sphinx.

Something that made Kaz Brekker completely furious.

You couldn't be more distorted from the image, in Kaz's mind, than what was to be a peaceful woman. Calm, controled, with steel emotions and wit in eyes. Someone who, like him, knew how to dance the waltz of negotiation, manipulation, who could blend in with the shadows and know the best time to listen more than speak.

You were not like Inej, you were not like Jesper. Hell, you were like nobody Kaz has known in all of his 28 years.

Nothing reminiscent of calm and control would be used to describe what it meant to be you.

Your soul are stormy, loud, obstinate, too stubborn and too talkative. You needed to speak loudly, laugh, move, expose your opinions to the seven winds and to whoever listened the most. You needed to question, inquire, doubt and test the limits of any situation. A direct order for you would be an affront to your free and independent spirit. A command that would curtail your freedom or tame your strong genius was almost like an invitation for you to do exactly the opposite of what they had ordered you to do.

So, for a man of trained reasoning, subtly balanced world, and who was used to his every command being followed vehemently and promptly in blind obedience, such a personality like you was like introducing a disturbing factor capable of shaking all his judgments. Sand in a watch, or stone in a shoe, would be no more a nuisance than a strong nature like your.

The extraordinary stubbornness and mania to counter his orders - when, in your words, they were unreasonable - had made you different from all the women Brekker had ever met. Kaz liked challenges and responsibilities, a good puzzle, but you were on a level far beyond that.

You were a danger to his peace of mind. And you knew that. All his aversion to your indomitable spirit only served as fuel for your own mission in to piss him off. Few men were like Kaz Brekker, you knew that, with a strength of character too powerful to be ignored. He was not just comfortable in his position of authority as he was obviously unable to act in any other way than as a leader. His stoic figure and always so contained in a wall of indifference made you want to ruffle his hair to see if you could remove any emotion. And being a girl who hasn't always liked leaders, Kaz Brekker was a huge temptation. Few moments had been better than those that you managed to piss him off beyond what he could handle.

However, all the reasons why the two of you were so exasperating for each other, did not explain why the air crackled in ambiguity when your eyes met. The hemisphere was adorned in a thought-provoking, poignant veil, like a warm honey flowing down its throat, and there was something else in the way blood flowed like flames of fire through veins of you two.

Jesper said that the sexual tension between you was so tangible that it could be cut by one of Inej's knives, but you refused to think of Kaz that way. At least until that moment.

Not pure images of what the infamous Brekker could do to you between four walls swept you like the strong Arabian wind. Making you be surprisingly breathless. Kaz was not a man whose private life was exposed, nor was he involved with many women, but you have heard two or three of them when they were drunk saying that Kaz Brekker in the room could be incendiary.

Everyone knew that his touch reserve didn't limit him to anything, but that his job was at the top of the priority list and that sexual encounters were almost never on that list.

"It was not my fault!” Jesper defended himself one night, slightly drunk, sitting at the club's round table next to the other crows “I didn't know he was married to another man! That damn pretty face seduced me!”

"Did he seduce you?" You asked, skeptical and playful.

"I swear to God! And it had been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and I went… ”

“But you did sex last week." Inej laughed, chocked.

"Exactly!" Jesper said, as if he were obvious.

You laughed with your beer glass in your hand, taking another sip.

“Is a week a long time to not sleep with anyone?" Matthias retorted, trying not to laugh.

“Are you going to tell me that is not?” Jesper and Nina spoke at the same time.

“If a man has time for sex more than once a week, he clearly doesn't have much to do. And I'm sure I gave Jesper a lot of tasks that would keep him busy.” Kaz narrowed his eyes at his friend, and Jesper hid his guilt behind the rim of his beer glass, looking to the side.

"So you are saying that you are a very busy man?" You teased, trying not to laugh at the scathing look Kaz sent you.

"I disagree. The values ​​of hard work and discipline cannot match the hot body of a woman in bed.” Matthias said, exchanging a brief conspiratorial look with Nina, who winked at him.

"There are more important things." Said Kaz.

"Like what?" You rested your chin on the back of the hand whose elbow was on the table, the playful look of a rebellious student.

"Progress." Kaz held your gaze.

He wasn't going to take your bait. But you didn't give up easy.

"Tell me, if God gave you a deal: all the hunger in the world would be extinguished in exchange for you never being able to have sex again, what would you choose?" your eyes had a teasing feline glow.

At that moment, Kaz felt a shiver up the back of his neck, like a warm breath of autumn. Something crawled, like a snake, across his rib cage and down to his groin, pumping blood like fire through his veins.

He held your gaze, but the feline glow in your eyes promised to contain the most ardent sins. Suddenly, Kaz's mind was flooded by the wave of obscene images of you, on his bed; moaning, squirming, shouting his name and being very obedient with every order he gave you.

He would make you such a good girl...

"I don't believe in God." He replied succinctly, the predator's eyes still in your eyes audacious feline's.

A big, satisfied smile spread across your face, and you said: "As I thought. Bad luck for hungry people.”

Realizing that he had fallen right into your cunning trap, Kaz got rid of your diabolical magnetism and cursed.

“I didn't say…” he stopped, impatient “It doesn't matter. I have more important things to do than waste time here.”

But the smile you hid behind the glass was noticeable to Kaz.

After that night, the crackling, gasping flame that circled the two of you intensified to alarming levels. Kaz could feel you holding your breath when he was too close, and you could see him squeezing his cane harder when you sweetened your voice for him.

However, regardless of Kaz's wanted to fold you at a table and put an end to your brat girl pose, enjoying the groans he was sure you would let out, the two of you still fought like dog and cat.

Just as it was now.

“What do you mean, I'm not going?!” You looked at Kaz, amazed, when he told you that you would not participate in the robbery that week “I know that security system like the back of my hand!”

It was true, what you had of stubbornness, you had of technological intelligence. There was no computer that you would not hack, a program that you would not hack, and a system that you would not unlock. Your genius with technology made up for all your lack of obedience.

But Kaz ignored. “I've already told you. It's a more dangerous mission than you're used to and we don't have time for the plans you come up with right away.” He needled you.

“Are you referring to Switzerland?” You were never anything short of direct and inquiring. It was logical that you would question every orden. “But I already told you that when the alarm went off your plan didn't work anymore! I was more useful inside to deactivate the alarm than waiting outside.”

And stubborn. Holy God, how stubborn you were!

"And it cost you to get shot."

"But it was just a shot!"

Kaz looked at you, puzzled. “Just?! And wasn't it enough ?! You put the whole team at risk!”

“But if I hadn't deactivated the alarm, we would all be arrested! And only I knew how to do that!”

"My fucking God, isn't there a speck of common sense in you?!"

But you answered boldly: "Not when you impose clueless plans on me."

Mortified would be an understatement to describe how he was now. What an unbearable creature! Kaz felt the anger spread from his neck to his face, igniting his breath and squinting his eyes in annoyance.

Why was it so difficult for you to follow a simple goddamn rule?!

“Besides, your initial plan was flawed and there was no reason for me to be out when it was necessary inside and...” And you kept talking!

If you had noticed Kaz's completely enraged state in front of you, you would have been scared, shut up and ran. But, truth be told, Kaz suspected that even if you knew how to read the murderous humor in his eyes, you wouldn't have left that office. Much less be afraid. You could argue with the demon. And you would probably beat him out of tiredness.

However, regardless of the desire to shake you up, to see if that put any good sense in you, in that second, watching you gesture with your hands, defending your point of view as if it were the england queen's crown, something swept Kaz's body from the top of his head with dark hair to the tips of his illustrated boots.

The sound of the world was drowned out by the flow of blood itself in his veins. His heart hammered hard in his chest and, in that instant, a sharp sting in his groin and the pit of his stomach set him on fire.

His gaze went down to your mouth, which kept moving. And when it came up to your eyes, your stubborn and defiant gaze sent Kaz's rationality into space. He dropped the cane abruptly, which toppled to the floor with a hollow crack, and advanced towards you in firm and determined steps.

Gluing his gloved hands to your face, Kaz silenced all your protests with a strong kiss. Hot, fiery, domineering. The kind of kiss that held years of camouflaged desire, years of irritability, years of an unnerving desire to make you shut up with all the perverse forms that existed.

You weren't afraid of him. But you should. You should if you knew everything he wanted to do with you.

However, as if you have been burning in the same desire for years, you responded to that kiss with the same urgency. The same hunger. Kaz slipped his hands into your hair, closing his fingers there and deepening the kiss with ferocity. He felt beside himself, like a hungry wild animal that had been denied food for years and that only now had its teeth set on its prey. You moaned against his lips, bringing your hands to his lean, strong biceps, squeezing your fingers there.

You both needed air, but neither seemed to give a damn about that. Misted of desire that burned like a fire in their bodies, Kaz pushed the two of you backwards, slamming your back against the wall and swinging a frame beside. You gasped, and the gesture made it possible for Kaz to invade your mouth with his tongue, hunting every piece of hot meat. You two fought the same battle in that kiss: invade, dominate, conquer.

They both wanted to take the waltz, but Kaz would never let you conduct the show.

He pulled your wrists up, pinning them with one hand against the wall, leaving you immobile while sinking his mouth further into yours. Kaz felt you try to get rid of his tight grip, but he was stronger than you. And much more when he have a objective.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He murmured against your mouth, the tip of his tongue playing with your bottom lip. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Was impossible for you to control the loud moan that escaped. Your body trembling with desire, your legs wobbly, your wet core vibrating with his words. Kaz Brekker was a fallen angel. With a beauty and charm you've never been immune to.

How can you think you'd win the dominance game with him?

And, like the fallen angel he was, his smug and arrogant smile painted the corner of his lips when he saw what his lines did to you.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” Kaz mocked “If I knew it was only necessary to do this for you to shut up...” he brought his lips closer, his voice hitting yours “I would have fucked you like the naughty brat you have been a long time.”

If his caustic and maddening kisses hadn't been enough to break you in half, that statement would have done all the work.

In that second, you hoisted your white flag, biting your lip in a needy moan and closing your eyes for a second by the overwhelming vibration of your core. God, you needed more. Whatever he gave you. Anything he wanted to give you. You just needed more.

"Are you going to be good?" He played with the dough you were in his hands, his devilish mouth going down your neck, leaving a trail of fire and debris wherever he went.

You agreed, desperately. “Yes, Sir."

That title seemed to do things with Kaz. Because in the next second, his mouth was back on your. More urgent, more needy, more dominating. You shifted your hips for more friction with his, and Kaz rewarded your obedience by pulling one of your thighs forward, making your skirt go up, aligning your thigh on his hips and giving access for his member to fit perfectly against your pulsating core.

You moaned louder this time. Fingers clenching, heart pumping frantically. Kaz pulled his lips away from you for a second, taking his hand off your thigh and bringing it to your mouth.

“Pull.” He ordered, referring to the glove.

You murmured a low, excited moan, bringing your mouth to the glove and clenching your teeth on the cloth at the top of his middle finger. Satisfied, Kaz pulled his hand back, watching the alabaster skin peel away from the leather fabric. As soon as he was free, he removed the glove from your mouth, replacing it with his own and stealing all your breath in that fiery kiss.

His free hand wandered over your thigh, touching you for the first time with a touch that promised to show you all the most delicious and secret sins in the world. His tongue wrapped around your again, and the moan you let out was even greater when his long fingers brushed against your wet, throbbing core.

"S-sir!" You sobbed, your hips rocking against his hand, desperate for more.

"Look at you." His fire voice beat against your lips, the tightness against your wrists getting stronger, more possessive "I’ ve only started using my fingers and you ’re already shaking"

Your body cried out in unbridled desire, sobs mingling with loud moans and heavy sighs as Kaz tormented you with his fingers. He touched you, slid, opened and sank, increasing the volume of your pleas.

“P-please" You begged, the body in need, the urge too urgent.

Kaz looked you in the eye, a dark, malicious gleam burning in his Egyptian blue irises. "Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" He teased you.

But you no longer cared about his teasing. With your lips swollen and red, your heart racing and the core pulsing in despair on his experienced fingers, you were already surrendered.

"Please. I n-need." You mumbled submissively, rummaging your hips in his hand.

"I bet if I wanted to fuck you against my desk, here and now, you would be very happy to do it, wouldn't you?"

He was foisting all of his dominance on you, bending you to your knees for him. And you knew that. You knew he was taking years of anger out on you. But you couldn't care less. You wanted him. Ardently. Desperately. And if it was a good girl Kaz wanted, damn it, you would be a good girl for him.

You readily agreed, your eyes shining in supplication.

“Good.” Kaz pulled you brutally off the wall, turning you over to the table and pushing your chest against the icy wood, pulling your hips at him. “Because that's exactly what is going to happen.”

Suddenly, desire and hunger roared like a wild beast. Kaz watched you, bent over his desk, obedient, surrendered, offering every inch of your body to him.

His breath was burning in his throat and it was no longer possible to order his thoughts, contain his euphoria. He would fuck you so hard that it would make that memory the only thought when you remembered him. When you dare to rebut his orders.

Kaz pulled you skirt up and your panties down, letting out a groan that sounded more like a growl as he saw your wet core. Pulsing and desperate for him. For anything he wanted to give you. It sparked a fervent desire that Brekker had never felt in his life, devastating any possibility of thinking about anything other than fucking you.

Playing with your fingers in your slick, wet folds, you whimpered again, the core pulsing whenever he teased you inside, pressing his fingertips there but never entering.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" His voice came over the top of your shoulder, hoarse, animalistic, full of profane desires.

"Please." You were quick to beg “I do what you want! But just...please, please… ”

You already felt your eyes watering from over-stimulation, your heart burning so hard it was beating, your core aching from emptiness.

You sealed the end of the game between you. Kaz had won. In a triumphant checkmate.

And you didn't have to beg again. Barely seeing when he unbuttoned his pants, you just reasoned his hard, hot, pulsating member by opening your from the inside. Claiming everything that was yours as his in a strong, desperate, hungry lunge.

"S-sir!" You screamed, your nails scraping the wood from the table, the core pulsing overwhelmingly around his rigid member.

In a more badly lunge, Kaz sank completely into you, moaning loudly as he hit rock bottom. The gloved hand slid over your shoulder, propelled you to him while the bare hand tightened on your waist, hitting you at a steady, raw, animalistic rhythm.

The sounds were pornographic, dirty and loud, echoing off the walls. The air was hot like molten lava, pungent and muffled, driving you two lost breath. Their bodies clashed as if the world was going to end tomorrow, in aggressive, rough thrusts. These were thrusts that made half of his things on the table fall to the floor, mixing in a mess that would serve as a reminder later about the sinful activities you two did.

You screamed when Kaz took on more force, his fingers squeezing you so hard that they would leave you with marks on your shoulder and waist the next day.

"Fucking hell!" Kaz snarled between his teeth, feeling your flesh throb around him, squeezing he with such desperation that he knew you were close.

You sobbed, tears streaming down the corners of your eyes as you pushed your ass towards him, trying to bring him as deep as possible, as deep inside you as possible. But every time his pelvis smashed into your ass, a loud moan and the feeling of being completely full drowned you.

You begged, pleaded, for something you didn't know. But Kaz seemed to know. Taking both hands to your hips, your pace became even more unperturbed, pushing you to the limit until you cum in a scream in his name, your lungs on fire. Kaz came close behind, sinking as deep as possible and pouring all the hot liquid into you. Almost like a brand.

The air was filled with sex, lust and desire, filled only by the sound of their ragged breaths that struggled to stabilize.

You were still panting when Kaz's voice came after you: "Whatever I want, don't I?"

A deal with the devil.

[spencstan]

Six of Crows re-read

(i also did this for the shadow and bone trilogy so read that if you want to)

spoiler alert obiously

i'm SO EXCITED FOR THIS this is my comfort book (with crooked kingdom of course)

JOOST HI

oo fun fact this was my first grishaverse book and i read it with no context whatsoever except that the mc is an emo boy and morally grey

so IMAGINE my pure confusion when JOOST appeared

i was like ?????? weird take on morally grey character but ok

joost trying to figure out how to flirt with a girl is a mood

anyone wanna teach us how to???

i kinda wanna skip this part so i can see the crows..

but i won't don't worry

(won't I?

"I think Yuri may be quarantined"

aaaand?

so are we you are not special

i feel like it's very important for me to mention that i read this book in spanish first

and then i got into the fandom and i was like who the fuck is the wraith? i only know El Espectro

Heartender who??? ooo you mean Cardio

Tidemakers? nope, i only know Maremotores

for real i was so confused i had to re-read it in english (not that i mind tho)

say whatever you want about the spanish version but we have to agree that this design is pretty af

another one yay: "Retvenko was a Squaller" vs. "Retvenk era un Impulsor"

(should i also say that in my pfd english version the book is 294 pages long and in my pdf spanish version its 532????) (i think it's because in the english one the speces are way less like the lines are so close together wtf

i've decided that i'm bored so i'll be skiping this chapter

anya is super badass tho

skdgfalsdgfliaysvfascvhjl yesssssss inej

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

KAZ

INEJ

I MISSED THEM

omg now i can picture amita and freddy SDJGKASKGLASG THIS IS AMAZING

we interrupt our regularly scheduled program to watch the shadow and bone trailer once again to hear freddy's beautiful voice

ok moving on!

now hear me out i'm giving you all permission to make fun of kaz for this one: Dirtyhands = Manos Sucias

hello i am Kaz Manos Sucias. nice to meet you!

AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

JESPER FAHEY

JESPER LOVE HI

SJDGHFKAHSGDLAJSDFSJ,AHFLHDSGF

I MISSED HIM OMG

OMG NOW I CAN PICTURE HIM AS KIT

can you tell jesper is one of my favourite characters?

i really love the fact that kaz is pissed about the murder of that ambassador ONLY because he can´t figure out how it happen

he´s such a nerd

i can't believe one of the firts things we hear jesper say is threathen to kill someone by writing "forgive me" with bullets

AND HE CALLS HIS GUNS "BABIES" OMG

picture saying hi baby and wylan thinkin he's talking to him but actually jesper's talking to one of his guns

Jesper rolled his eyes. "It's about sending a message. What's the point of a dead guy with forg written on his chest?."

"Compromise," Kaz said. "I'm sorry does the trick and uses fewer bullets."

ooo thank god we have kaz to come up with creative solutions /j /s

honestly i love how they talk about kaz's cane like it's the scariest weapon ever (which it kind of is)

nothing will ever disappoint me more than finding out that in english their gang name is "the Dregs". like i don't even know for sure what that means

in spanish is "Los Indeseables" (the undesirables?) which sounds a lot more badass

no hate tho i like the dregs

but i was confused af bc i expected it to be sometihng like "the undesirables" or"the unwanted" or whatever

and it said "the dregs"

which in the translator means something like shit or something

anways moving on:

If he'd (kaz) ever been a little boy

i love how lowkey all the crows think he was just born exactly like he is now

imagine a baby kaz all dressed in black and threatening people

cute

"No mourners," Jesper said as he tossed his rifle to Rotty

"No funerals," the rest of the Dregs murmured in reply. Among them, it passed for "good luck".

YES

YESSS

i wonder what wylan's doing right now :))

i can't wait for the next book where he has a pov

the first time i read this book i literally looked at the title of every chapter to see if he ever got one (i was disappointed to say the least :((((

Besides, she was the Wraith - the only law that applied to her was gravity, and some days she defied that, too.

ma'am

marry me please

i'm gonna cry so hard once the show is out and we get to see inej omg

me simp

That Kaz had chosen Jesper to be one of his seconds was no surprise. Twitchy as Jepser was, with or without his revolvers, he was at his best in a fight, and she knew he'd do anything for Kaz.

idk why but i just love it every time kaz implies or shows that he cares or trusts jesper

it makes me soft

But every one of Inej's senses told her that was not how this was going to play out. Her father would have said the shadows were about their business tonight. Something bad was going to happen here.

underrated saying from Inej's father right there

"I'm a business man," he told her."No more, no less"

"You're a thief, Kaz."

"Isn't that what I just said?"

i-

i see no lies here

not to be annoying but i hc jesper as adhd (i mean is pretty much as canon as wylan's dyslexia) so i'm gonna write here every time i see evidence :)

jesper with adhd part 1: impulsivity

Jesper snorted. "Stomach, spine. What's next, spleen?"

"Shut it" Oomen snarled. The rules of parley dictated that only the lieutenants could speak once negotiations had begun. Jesper mouthed "sorry" and elaboratedly pantomimed locking his lips shut.

he know he couldn't speak but couldn't stop himself from making a comment (i relate way too much to that lmao)

hoestly poor jesper he had to watch hid friend get shot and kaz do nothing about it

i would've been mad too

"I like it when men beg," she said. "But this isn't the time for it"

KAHGFAHLGSFGASFLGSAFS

this is one of the best quotes in the book by far

YASSS KAZ POV

Kaz could have tol Jesper that he knew he wasn't dirty, reminded him that he'd trusted him eough to make him his only real second in a fight that could have gone badly wrong tonight.

cute

but kaz is petty af

he didn't even have a reason not to tell jesper that!

i love that kaz knows inej is following him but doesn't say anything because he wants to wait until she's ready

i LOVE the scene where kaz in in the van eck mantion /srs

idk why but it's so good

And, of course, there was the mystery of Van Eck's son.

wonder what that could be!!! /s

He grinned at her (...)

"Hmm." she said noncommittally, pretending to examine one of her knives, determined to ignore that grin.

KANEJ YESS

HE'S BASICALLY SHOWERING IN FRONT OF HER OMG

this is so funny poor inej is getting flustered

"And I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night."

YES WYLAN OMG

One minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder

happens to the best of us :/

"Please, my darling Inej. treasure of my heart won't you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?"

if kaz doesn't say this on the show we riot

agreed?

it's so amazing how nina found a way to use her powers to get money instead of having to like steal and murder like the rest in the gang

NINA'S POV YESSS HIII

nina and inej omg

their friendship is just perfect

POOR MATTHIAS HE HAS TO FIGHT THE WOLVES

i would straight up cry

Matthias was dreaming again. Dreaming of her

i'm gonna cry damn it

this is the enemies-to-lovers we all needed

jesper has adhd part 2:

"Jesper was supposed to wait until three bells." said the pale boy

"It is three bells, Kaz." replied a small girl (...)

"Since when is Jesper punctual?" the boy complained with a glance at his watch

the time blindness come one

(btw i love the fact that kaz plans around jesper's time blindness instead of like threatening him to be on time)

i really love how every one feels the need to take the time to say/think that the masks are ugly

its so unnecessary lmao

yessss inej is a badass that kills monster we stan

and matthias is lowkey impressed lmao

as he should

"Thank you, Jesper," said Nina

"You're very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That's how the civilised folk do"

THESE TWO OMG

JESPER IS THE LOML

INEJ OMG LOOK:

She stepped aside as if she's known he was coming, languidly hooking her heel behind his ankle. Matthias let out a loud grunt as he landed on the stones

(...) "Clumsy, this one," the bronze girl said impassively.

i-

that's what happen when you underestimate her bitch

AAAAAAA

PEOPLE

PEOPLE

TIME TO FREAK OUT

WYLAN IS HERE

AND HE'S DOODLING STOP IT'S SO CUTE

ok jesper has adhd part 3 i think:

"Just how crazy is he?" asked Jesper, fingers drumming on the pearl handles of his revolvers.

ok first of all: stimming

second of all: hyperactivity

i rest my case

ok 2 or 3 things here

"I believe you know Nina," Brekker continued. "The lovely girl freeing you is Inej. (...) and this is Wylan, the best demolitions expert in the Barrel"

"Raske is better," Inej said

The boy looked up, ruddy gold hair flopping in his eyes, and spoke for the first time. "He's not better. He's reckless"

"He knows his trade"

"So do I"

ok 1: kaz calling inej lovely omg kanej

2: YES WYLAN STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF

2.5: kaz calling him the best cute af

3: honestly why do people think wylan is like an innocent soft boy or whatever. he's in a room full of murderers and thieves and the first thing he does is correct them and stand up for himself

like i wish i could do that

i would be crying like a bitch

AAAAAAAA

"Meet Wylan Van Eck"

KHDSGFALSGFIASGFAL

HI WYLAN BABY

YESSS JESPER'S POV NOW

I'M SO HAPPY also look at this it's the first thing in his pov

Jesper stared at Wylan

do i sense some wesper?????

ok everyone is being so mean to him right now

they are aclling him useless and an idiot and other shit

poor boy honestly he had to deal with this + taking part of a heist he is definetly not ready for + he has to hide the fact that he can't write or read

it so distrubing that kaz is literally the nicest one to wylan right now

"See that? Hidden depths." (...)"He's good enough at demo, and he's got a fine hand for sketching, thanks to all those pricey tutors."

(...)

"There you have it," Kaz said to Jesper. "Marketable skills. Wylan is watching you, Helvar"

GET READY

ARE Y'ALL READY?

OK THEN:

"Scheming face," Jesper whispered to Inej.

She nodded. "Definetly."

THEIR FRIENDSHIP OMG

AND THIS QUOTE

I NEED IT ON THE SHOW THEY BETTER GIVE IT TO US

"Who's Mark" damn wylan (but pretty good comeback to jesper tho)

"What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?

"Knife to the throat?" asked Inej.

"Gun to the back?" said Jesper.

"Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina.

"You're all horrible," said Matthias.

tag yourself i'm jesper

KJSFGAL kaz just told wylan to tell him everything he know about his dad's company

and he said he doesn't know and kaz was like "and you never looked trough his documents????

AND THEN HE GOT SAD AND SAID HE HADN'T (and kaz believed him this is sad)

AND NOW JESPER CALLED HIIM USELESS

ok you know i love you jes but if you keep this up

idk i can't do anything you're a sharpshooter

but stiiiiiil

LMAO MATTHIAS ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT KAZ

nice try

demjin

*insert spongebob voice* demjin

WE'RE GONNA TAKE A MOMENT NOW TO APPRECIATE INEJ GAHFA

BECAUSE KAZ DOESN'T

The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.

*ugly crying*

Many boys will bring you flowers. But some day you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.

*uglier crying*

TANTE HELLEN IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

SOMEONE PLEASE STAB HER FOR ME

jesper has adhd part ?? (i have dyscalculia you can't expect me to remember the number):

That sound - the swift, shocking report of gunfire - called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else.

do i really need to explain this?

ok just in case.. an adhd brain doesn't actually have a deficit of attention(the name just sucks) it's problem with controling that attention. the brain is always looking for new sources of dopamine which is why it shifts its focus so much

i love that jes thinks of matthias as "tha giant"

like sir

have you seen yourself?

you're tall af

HE GOT SHOT

WHY DID I FORGET JESPER GETS SHOT IN THE LEG HERE

"Close your eyes!"

"You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan"

"Just do it!"

i love the energy BUT NOW IT'S NOT THE TIME JES

YESS WYLAN SHOW THEM THEY WERE WRONG CALLING YOU USELESS

inej just stabed some guy int the d

good for her!

KAZ YESSSS HI

AWWW SHE'S WORRIED HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS CANE

KANEJ FOR LIFE

oh no wylan got shot too???? (just barely but stilllll por baby)

my Wraith omggg

ok 3 things about this:

Without another word, he tipped Oomen into the sea.

"No!" Wylan shouted, leaning over the railing, his face pale, stunned eyes tracking Oomen in the waves. (...)

Jesper set his hand on Wylan's shoulder. "Let it go."

"It's not right-"

"Wylan," Jesper said, giving him a little shake."Maybe your tutors didn't cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a man covered in blook and a knife up his sleeve"

1. wesper yasssss

2. wylan just argued with a mant hat had just tacken the eye out of someone. he literally called him out for being an asshole. like damn wylan is brave af i love him

3. do you think seeing kaz trow the guy out of the boat reminded wylan of when the same thing happened to him???? this makes me sad

he's brave and a good person and i just-

"Man with a knife, remember?" he said over his shoulder.

"Man with a gun!" Jesper called after him

this had no right being so funny

AND THEN KAZ GAVE HIM THE MIDDLE FINGER STOP I CAN'T

nina is the biggest kanej shiper no one can tell me i'm wrong

unrelated but if jesper had gone to the Little Palace and had studied there with nina they 100% would've had a crush on Zoya and bonded over it

like you can't tell me those two bisexual disaster wouldn't be absolutely in love with Zoya

jesper has adhd part ??:

Jesper scrubbed the back of his neck, touched his hands to his gunds, returned to his neck. He always seemed to be in motions

hyperactivity right there

and restlessness

"Do you know the best way to find Grisha who don't want to be found?" (...)

"Seems to be if they don't want to be found, you should just let them be" (jesper says this)

this conversation must be so stressful to him omg

LMAO JESPER CUT MATTHIAS HAIR THIS IS SO FUNNY

AND HE SHAVED HIM

ok you all know i love all of them but they can be sooo stupid

like wylan wrote no names on the drawing and he's excuse is that he doesn't know fjerdan?

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE he literally said he learned school fjerdan which means he should know how to write it too (we know why he can't but the tohers don't)

and even then like the excuse doesn't make any sense. why would having the original name be usefull if no one can fucking read it????

the worst part tho? NO ONE QUESTIONED HIM

THEY WERE LIKE "yup makes sense" AND WENT ON WITH THEIR DAY

i wondered how they didn't figure wylan's secret sooner but now i now

it's because theya re idiots

"I'm just doing my job. Stop glaring at me"

wylan baby let's not make the gigant mad

Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. "Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost."

Brekker's lips quirked. "I'll just hire Matthias ghost to kick your ghost's ass."

"My ghost won't associate with your ghost," Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.

i had to put this here i don't want to get murdered by the fandom

jesper, inej and nina have the BEST friendship

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE JES AND INEJ TOGETHER ON NETFLIX

"I know some people don't understand, but Kaz told me ... he said it was my choice, that he wouldn't be the one to mark me again."

i love this because it happen when they had just met

he did it because he understands her trauma and he respects her not because he loves her (i doubt he did at the time)

Kaz had been impressed with the sketches. (...)

"Just learn to take a compliment. Kaz doesn't hand them out often."

I'M SO PROUD OF WYLAN

and yess kaz only compliments wylan (and inej but that's sarcastic so it doesn't count) because he's a proud dad

"And you don't belong here, either."

"I beg your pardon, merchiling?"

"We don't need a sharpshooter for Kaz's plan, so what's your job - other than stalking around making everyone angsty?"

He shrugged. "Kaz trusts me."

Wylan snorted and picked up his pen. "Sure about that?"

DAMN WYLAN DESTROYED HIM

also

"If you aren't born with every advantage, you learn to take your chances."

"I wasn't-" Wylan left off and set down his pen. (...)

aww cute neurodivergent boyfriends bonding

Wylan had turned back to his work, his disappointment obvious. For some reason, Jesper felt disappointed, too.

ajgflasjgfjagslfiuusgflgdfsgdflasdgfsd

wesper

aww jes checks on inej every morning and every night i love him

"Thank you for keeping me in this world when fate seemed determined to drag me to the next. I owe you a life debt."

Nina blushed deeply. "I was teasing, Inej"

LJFGALKGFALGA another cute friendship right there

(and i can see why people ship them romantically)

STOP INEJ AND JES ARE BONDING SO MUCH (page 127 so i can go back and read it lmao)

Van Eck writes to Wylan every week, and Wylan doesn't even open the letters

"They just said the same thing again and again: If you're reading this, the you know how much I wish to have you home. Or I pray that you read these words and think of all you've left behind."

should i kill him? anyone want to join me?

Inej bumped her shoulder against his."Then at least we're both the same kind of stupid." (...)

"You're too good for him, you know?"

"I know. So are you"

jes and her bonding over their stupid crush on a white boy

Because I've been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days.

jfsfdajdhmgkfutdjrgsg ok i can't blame them for having a crush on him anymore

this chapter is full of kanej i love it

"What do you want, then"

You, Inej. You forever.

jksdgfoagsdfgsdgfklasgdflaghsldfgksdgfkahgsdfghjlkf

kaz's backstory makes me sad

"When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm," said Kaz. (...)

"I´m gonna pay someone to burn my kruge for me."

Kaz fell into step beside him. "Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what big players do."

"You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone ...". Their voices trailed off as they tomped ahead, and Matthias and the others followed.

JES AND KAZ HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS

i can't believe we get to see nina and matthias meet and their whole backstory in less than a month omg

"It's not natural for women to fight."

"It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand."

QUEEN

YOU TELL HIM

oh no the dead grisha

this part breaks my heart every time

"Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?"

.....i'm just gonna leave this quote right here

anyways acab

stop nina tried to kill the survivor so they wouldn't suffer but she couldn't do it

and jesper did it for her without hesitation i wanna cry

and inej didn't want to do it either i want to hug them

"Because our crime is existing. Our crime is what we are"

..........

i'm gonna leave this here again

do with it what you will

"Don't mock what you don't understand."

"My mockery offends you? My people would welcome you laughter in place of this barbarity"

i- this conversation is so important

AAAAA JES AND WY ARE A GREAT TEAM I LOVE THEM

WYLAN TROWS BOMBS TOGIVE JESPER TIME TO GET READY TO SHOOT

INEJ AND KAZ ARE A GREAT TEAM TOO

THEY LITERALLY DID THE SCENE LIKE IN THE AVENGERS (but without the shield WHICH MAKES IT BETTER)

Jesper shouldered his rifle. "Wylan earned his keep."

Wylan gave a little jump at the sound of his name. "I did?"

YES BABY YOU DID GREAT

kaz getting self-conscious for his hair is pure comedy

but nina how can you say that have you see his hair on the show???? it's perfect

"Remeber our friend Mark?"

HELP I CAN'T

"Any other impossible feats you'd like us to accomplish?"

The bearest smile flikered over Kaz's lips. "I'll make you a list."

once again jesper and kaz being besties

unrelated but nikolai and jesper would love each other

the amount of sass they have between them it's unparalleled

"Mmm," Inej murmured, taking a sip from her mug. "Maybe you're just not enough."

DAMN

ma'am marry me please

kaz fainted damn poor boy

unrelated unce again but this is so much betetr than shadow and bone

like you can tell leigh improved so much

her characters are better and their arcs are better developed

the writing itself it's better

or maybe i'm just biased because i love soc so much but i think she definetly improved

INEJ IS TRYING TO GIVE HIM SPACE EVEN WHEN SHE'S TRAPPED AND LOCKED ON THE WAGON

I JUST - THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO MUCH

Though he'd trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with his shame.

Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. "The trick is not getting knocked down," he'd told her with a laugh. "No, Kaz," she's said, "the trick is in getting back up"

inej is smart af

Kaz was usually unshakeable during a job, but now he was on edge, and Jesper didn't know why. Part of him wanted to ask, though he knew that was the stupid part, the hopeful farmboy who picked the worst possible person to care about, who searched for signs in things that he knew deep down meant nothing - when kaz chose him for a job, when Kaz played along with one of his jokes. He could have kicked himself. He's finally seen the infamous Kaz Brekker without a stich of clothing, and he'd been too worried about ending up on a pike to pay proper attention.

ok i got a couple of things to say about this part

first of all it makes me so sad that jes cares so much for someone who dosn't deserve him. because no hate to kaz but they would never work as a couple and kaz already treats him like shit most of the time

i think this part shows who a lot about who jesper really is. a boy that grew up having to hide parts of himself, who thinks he's worth nothing but it's smart and capable, who's loyal and brave and caring but doesn't even know it himself. he's someone who feels he doesn't deserve good things and thinks he's not good enough, and that's why he unds up in all the wrong places with the wrong people. he left uni bc he fell in with the gangs, because he didn't think he was smart enough or even prepared to be in studying in the university. jesper is constantly hiding behind a mask or running from things because he's scared of not being enough

an kaz is everything jes in a way wishes he could be. kaz is secure in himself (at least on the outside), he's stable, he's smart, he's "unshakeable". and most of all, he doesn't care about others (we know that's not true but that's how he presents himself)

and that's the thing that causes jesper all his problems. because he's insecure because he thinks he's not good enough for the poeple or things he cares about. and he's always trying to do what's best for his loved ones: he went to the ice court to pay his debt for his father, he follows kaz everywhere beacause he cares about him, he offered to read to wylan (knowing it wouldn't be easy for him to be still that long).

and yeah it often doesn't work out becuase he's messy and he has problems but he tries. and he hates that. he hates that he cares so much about people because at the end of the day, that's what makes him feel like he's not good enough

one more thing and i'm done i promise

unpopular opinion but i love that leigh made jesper have a crush on kaz. 1 beacuse it's refreshing to see someone not get otgether with his first crush. and 2 because i love that it shows that we sometimes get attached to people that are not good for us, but that we can learn to move on. jesper ended with wylan who respects him and values him, unlike kaz

ok i'm sorry that was probably all bs

oo one more thing, jesper definetly has rsd (rejection sensitive disphoria), which is something most poeple with adhd have

"My father used to take me everywhere with him"

this is so sad. bc they probably had a good relationship when he was little. and then they figured he coudln't read and now his father treats him like shit

it's even worse than if he haf been horrible from the beginning because wylan knows he can be a good father. and so he thinks it's his fault and he deserves to be treated like that. i hate van eck

"You're cuter when you're smart"

(...)

"Definitely cuter when you're smart"

wesper yesssss

i love them so much

ok but why do people think jesper is stupid. like the boy just made a bunch of criminals pass out by mixing some chemicals

and he was going to the university at like 15

AAAAND NOW THEY KNOW HE'S A FABRIKATOR

amazing plot twist

also:

Wylan coughed. Flirting with him might actually be more fun that annoying him, but it was a close call.

oooo come on jesper we all know you just love getitng him to blush

and you love him

who said that? definitely not me, nope

awwww jesper misses being around animals that's cute

imagine him coming home to wylan one day with a puppy because he just couldn't resist

cute

Better terrible truths than kind lies

just leaving here more of inej's wisdom

ok this may be a reach but jesper has adhd part ???

Yellow Protocol? Red Protocol? He couldn't remember which was which. (...)

"The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance."

Jesper pushed at his temples. "I don't remember what that means"

a bad working memory? sounds familiar

kaz loves puzzles

it's canon

"I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue."

this part where wylan and jesper see the banner made with grisha's kefta kills me every time

I would have worn purple, Jesper thought, if I'd joined the Second Army. (...) He'd beenwilling, even eager to risk capture and execution as a thief and hired gun. Why was it worse to think about being hunted as a Grisha?

this makes me want to cry so much

another thing super sad: the fact that since his father is Kaelish and had some supersititons towards grisha, jesper grew up wondering if his own father was scared of him. he had to hide his powers and he was almost taught to be afraid of them

"Is it safe to leave them, you know-"

"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."

"We could wake them up"

WYLAN

NO

damn the boy needs therapy

it's amazing how nothing went like they planned

not a single thing

PEOPLE GET READY

ARE YOU READY?

NEITHER AM I BUT WHO CARES

"What do you like?"

"Music. Numbers. Equations. They are not like words. They...they don't get mixed up."

ok dude the clues are right there he's basically saying it

"If only you could talk to girls in equations."

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, "Just girls?"

Jesper restrained a grin. "No. Not just girls." It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.

wylan really said a straight man?? couldn't be me

this is the definition of bi panic "jesper restrained a grin" bitch we saw that

btw i love the slow burn

like they hint something here but they don't actually start liking each other until much later and they don't get together until almost the end of ck

i also love that the fact that they both like guys is like out in the open now. bc i'm not a fan of when queer characters have a crush and there's the whole thing of "are they queer too or not?"

like they both know htey are queer. but they don't get together right away bc they have to start liking each other before. they don't get together bc they are the only queer mlm characters

matthias fake betrayal killed me

i tought it was real

I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept fom this oath.

this is just-

also foreshadowing?

YAYY KUWEI HI

There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.

She's laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.

if i ever have a s/o and they don't tell me this at least once i don't want it

He needed to tell her... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himslef together into some smeblance of a man for her

THIS

THIS IS LOVE RIGHT THERE

they are the only straight couple that matters

everyone else go home

Wylan had scratches all over his cheeks and neck. He was beaming. Inej grabbed his hands and sqeezed.

so cute omg

"You can explain why our illustrious Shu scientist looks like one of Wylan's school pals along the way"

KAZ

i mean it's true but you didn't have to say it

KAZ IS SMILING OMG

EVERYONE FREAK OUT WITH ME

HE'S "grinning like and idiot" STOP I LOVE HIM

"We are all someone's mosnter, Nina"

"I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all"

this part breaks my heart and i love it

"Stay," she oanted. Tears leaked from her eyes. "Stay till the end"

"And after," he said. "And always."

i just- helnik is perfect

AWWW JESPER MISSES WYLAN

my daily dosis of wesper :)

ok but in like 2 pages jesper tought of wylan like 10 times bc he's sad wy isn't with him

Jesper scanned the empty deck. He's assumed Wylan would come up to see them off. (...)

Jesper knew he was being selfish and stupid, but some petty part of him wondered if Wylan had deliberately kept away from him on the journey back. Maybe now that the job was complete and he was on his way to his share of the haul, Wylan was done slumming with criminals.

*charles boyle's insinuating voice* and why do you care so much???

btw YOU ARE WRONG. HE'S LITERALLY GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T SPEAK

this scene where we find out the truth about wylan hurts so much but it's one of my favourites idk why

I LOVE THAT EVERYONE IS AS MAD AS I AM ABOUT THE LETTERS NOW

"Your're a fool," Jesper snarled. "He smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."

YES TELL HIM

the fact that wylan just heard him say that omg

"Deserved" amended Van Eck. He blew the whislte twice.

SOMEONE BETTER GRAB ME BEFORE I KILL HIM MYSLEF

THAT IDIOT

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

I'M GONNA CRY CAN SOMEONE KILL HIM FOR ME

Jesper screamed in rage and raised his guns.

YES EXACLTY WHAT I MEANT

JUST KILL HIM RIGHT NOW

"I'm not big on bludding, am I Inej?"

"Not as a rule"

Van Eck's lip curled. "And why is that?"

"Because he'd rather cheat," said the boy who was not Kuwei Yul-Bo in perfect, unaccented Kerch.

THIS WAS PERFECT

THE BEST WAY TO REVEAL THAT

(...), and Jesper flinched

baby he recognized wylan's voice

The Shu boy held out a hand. "Pay up, Kaz"

BITCH THIS IS AMAZING

THIS BOY MADE A BET WITH A CRIMINAL THAT HIS OWN FATHER WAS GOING TO TRY TO KILL HIM

AND HE WON THE BET

A nearly perfect replica of Kuwei Yul-Bo stood before them, but he had Wylan's voice, his mannerisms, and - though Kaz could see the fear and hurt in his golden eyes - Wylan's surprising courage, too.

i love it when they compliment him

my boy deserves all the compliments ever

AND KAZ IS PROUD OF HIS SON WE ALL KNOW THIS

Wylan cuold draw a perfectt elevation. He's made a drill that could cut throu Grisha glass from parts of a gate and scavenged bits of jewellery. So what if he couldn't read

this is taking me to some real places

i may cry you've been warned

WYLAN DIDN'T CARE THAT HE MAY BE STUCKED LOOKING LIKE KUWEI

this is making me cry

"A fool would have been waiting to be smashed to bits on that ship. And as for "traitor", you've called me worse in the last few minutes alone."

EXACTLY

YOU TELL HIM WYLAN

Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej.

BABY

i would've done the same tho she's pretty

amita is sooo pretty i'm gonna die when the show comes out

Jesper was staring at Wylan, his eyes roving over the black hair, the golden eyes. "Why?" he said at last. "Why would you do this?"

nothing to say here except: wesper

You... how many times was it you standing beside me on the deck at night when I tought it was Kuwei?"

"Every time."

i want to cry so bad

"Why does it matter?"

"I don't know!" Jesper said angrily. "Maybe I liked your stupid face."

a very staright and platonic thing to say of course

i know jes we all liked his stupid face

"Jesper made a mistake," said Wylan. "A stupid mistake, but he didn't set out to betray anyone."

YES WYLAN DEFEND YOUR BOYFRIEND

And maybe he'd kept him in the dark about Wyllan because he wanted to punish him a little

even kaz know they like each other come on

Jesper sat with elbows on knees, head in hands. Wylan deside him wearing th face of a stranger.

wylan give him a hug fro me please

he needs it

"Scheming face," murmured Jesper.

"Definitely," agreed Wylan.

i miss inej already

And I'm going to get my girl. Inej could never be his, not really, but he would find a way to give her the freedom he´d promised her so long ago.

i'm ugly crying and so what?

and now we're done....

i want to read this book again omg this is unhealthy

[oohnoniall]

The Lantsov Emerald [Kaz Brekker x OC] - Chapter Six (Kaz)

Warnings: cursing, fantasy violence, family drama

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three 

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

        No one was ever supposed to find him. No one was supposed to be able to talk to him as she had done. But she had. A pretty little princess with a head full of dreams that would never come true. She had no reason to come after him, to follow him as far as she should. 

        She had more spirit than he had thought. He wasn't quite sure he liked that. He didn't know how to handle the unexpected, not when he had plans for everything. When he accounted for everything else, he found it difficult to account for a princess going against her nature.

        What was he going to do?

        He could accidentally lose her in Kerch, could make damn certain they did not manage to get found and ransom her off for millions of kruge, or he could just kill her. He could even sell her to one of the brothels if he truly wanted to. He was certain they'd pay a high price for the princess of Ravka. 

        He knew he could not do anything. Not if he wanted to keep his head. Ravka and Fjerda both would not take her sudden disappearance well. Nor could he kill her. He'd have the entire Ravkan army after him for that one. All he could do was agree to her terms and hopefully fuck her over when the time for his payment came. He could take more than her little emerald for making sure she got there and back safely.

        He had no idea how he was supposed to get her across the Fold twice. It wasn't like they had a chance in hell to cross it safely once. The last time he had done so, he had almost gotten himself killed.

        "Didn't think babysitting a princess was within our wheelhouse," Jesper sighed dramatically as he looked at Kaz. His eyes were bright, ready for adventure.

        "It isn't," Kaz admitted, not bothering to look at the sharpshooter. "But we don't have much of a choice. Do we?" She could easily get them all killed if she wanted to. He didn't think it would be a good risk to take.

        "We should send her back to the palace," Inej interjected, her arms crossed in front of her chest and a steely gaze in her eyes. "We're already begging for trouble by chasing the Sun Summoner."

        "Think of it this way," Kaz didn't want to reassure anyone. He didn't exactly know if his idea would work or not, which was concerning. Kaz was always ten steps ahead. He didn't like having people think he didn't know what he was doing. Although, it did put people more at ease. "If Dressen will pay a million for the Sun Summoner, think of how much one of the princess's brothers would give for her. Think of what Fjerda's princeling would give for her."

        "You can't be serious." Inej looked almost appalled at the idea. Considering how vocal she had been the entire time about not taking the Sun Summoner, he supposed it made sense for her to balk at this.

        "Would you rather we killed her?"

        "I quite like the idea of killing her brothers and marrying her," Jesper shrugged his shoulders as a bright grin crossed his features. "I think I'd make an excellent king, don't you agree?"

        Kaz scoffed, his own appalled look crossing his face. "You'd bankrupt her country faster than any skirmish they've been in. Stay away from the crown, Jes."

        "So what? We take the girl to Kerch and hold her there? How long do we have her before word slips out? We'll have to fight day and night to keep her. Can we really take the risk?" At least Inej had some intelligent thoughts. He knew he could not rely on Jesper for anything like that.

        Kaz tapped his gloved fingers on the wooden table. He was shocked that they did not come away sticky. The bar was filthy, it reminded him too much of home. "Yes, we can."

        It was almost too easy. The rest of the Barrel would find out about the princess before the first day was over. He knew it would cause complete and utter chaos. Every gang in Ketterdam would be after her. Not to mention the Merchant Council and her brother. There would be hell to pay. But it would be the best way to catch Pekka Rollins off guard. He'd want the princess. He'd think that it was his right to have the princess, that he would be able to do what Kaz couldn't.

        Pekka would assume that he was owed the notoriety, the money, perhaps even her hand in marriage for 'saving' her from the Bastard of the Barrel.

        Kaz would make damn sure he knew just where he stood. Pekka Rollins would find out just how low he stood.

        "Kaz," Inej started as he stood up. "We can't do this."

        "We'll be taking the emerald, Inej," he stated as he fixed his coat. "That's the end of the discussion."

        She glared at him, he could feel her eyes burning through him as he left the bar. He knew that she and Jesper would be discussing this and his plans for longer than necessary. They would more than likely tell him their displeasure until the plan actually worked out. They didn't trust him enough, they didn't need him to tell them how things would work out and how they just had to believe in him. That was bullshit and they all knew it. He just had to continue proving that he was the only one who knew what was going on at any given time.

        He didn't know how they'd cross the Fold, nor how they would find the Sun Summoner. He didn't know how he'd keep his bargain with Dressen and his deal with Anastasia. But he'd do it. Kaz Brekker had broken every rule, he'd made the world his own. He would tear it down brick by brick if he needed to. There was nothing that would keep him from doing what needed to be done. He was made of vengeance and spite, he wouldn't let anything keep him down. Not Pekka Rollins or the King of Ravka.

        The only issue he could foresee was Prince Nikolai. Everyone had heard the rumors, everyone knew he was nothing more than a bastard-born son. But that didn't mean he wasn't worth something. Kaz couldn't kill two royal children. Not if he wanted to survive long enough to destroy Pekka.

        His eyes traveled to the small inn across from the bar. He could see her in one of the windows on the top floor. Her hair dazzled in the light, her smile was almost glowing as she danced to music only she could hear. He worried that he had gotten into something bigger than himself. He had no idea how to deal with a princess. She was used to certain pleasures that she wouldn’t have in Kerch.

        He could already hear her complaints.

        Kaz knew that he would have to make sure that the Crow Club would be a safe hiding place for her. Although, he was also aware it would be one of the first places someone would look for her. He would have to give up one of his safe houses for her. That or he would  have to come up with a new plan entirely.

        This was almost too much for him to handle. He had dealt with issues before. With everything going on, he was certain that this would either push him over the edge or he would end up at the top of the Barrel. He knew which one he would prefer, which one he knew would make things better for him and the Crows.

        The Crows needed to be on top. They needed to be more than just another bunch of bastards in the Barrel. They needed to prove their worth.

        It didn’t matter that they were the best of the best. That his crew was more unique than any other. They were still nothing more than the underdogs of the Barrel. The ones who were lost and still yearning to find a home. 

        Kaz shook off his thoughts as he turned away from the inn and from the girl. He didn’t need anything from her. Nothing save that emerald. The emerald could buy him the Dime Lions if he wanted. He knew that it would be worth it to ruin everything Pekka had ever wanted. It would be worth it to see his face and feel as though he had finally won.

        He would worry about this whole thing later. For now, he still had to figure out how to get them across the Fold without the help of the Conductor. He had to make sure they didn't end up as Volcra food. He didn't want to imagine what that would do to the royal family. How could they blame anyone but themselves for that? If their precious daughter became Volcra food, it was her own recklessness that had caused it. Or Jesper had thrown her off whatever they ended up taking. 

        Kaz nearly smiled to himself. Nearly. He realized that it was going to be a long process, one that included meticulous planning and sheer dumb luck. Maybe, the Darkling would find his Sun Summoner. If he did, they'd have to come here. She'd have to prove her worth.

        A plan began to form in the bastard's mind. If Alina Starkov were to appear, he'd be able to use that to his advantage. Crossing the Fold would be much easier with a woman who could summon the sun. All they'd have to do was play the roles of stowaways. Keeping Anastasia out of sight would be the most difficult part. She'd grown up around the Darkling. Surely he would recognize her. That would be an issue. But with a little grime and something to hide the golden hair of the Lantsovs, they'd be able to get away with it.

        One day, he would find himself a tailor. Someone who would be able to disguise whoever they needed. He would not have to rely solely on his own mind and his own trickery. He'd be able to take a breath for once instead of being the only one with any sort of plans. But until that day came, he would think up whatever he could to disguise whoever needed it. Mainly himself and his newest addition.

        Anastasia Lantsov would be a welcome change, for the most part. She'd be able to bring something new to the crew for however long she stayed with them. After all, it wasn't as though he or Jesper were of royal blood. Having someone who knew the way those worlds worked may have been beneficial in the long run. At least, he could hope so.

        It was not like the princess would be sticking around. Kaz knew this. He didn't know why he assumed she'd help him with heists and grand plans. Maybe he had seen something in her. Something that had been part of him for as long as he could remember. Beyond his rage and his vengeance, beyond every broken piece of him that needed to be stitched back together. There had always been a longing.

        Freedom.

        He and every single crow that stood beside him craved it. They wanted to be more than they were, wanted to prove they were not just the outcasts and the broken members of society. He was more than just a boy with a cane, Inej was more than a girl with a past filled with trauma. Even Jesper was more than his gambling debts. They just had yet to find a way to prove it to the world. Or to themselves.

        He had seen it in her eyes the night they had met. When Anastasia had stared a guard in the eye and demanded to know who he was, he had been able to see everything she wished to hide. She wasn't the pretty princess with pink pointe shoes. She was something more. Something none of them knew what to do with. 

        He didn't know if he wanted to discover what it was or not. Perhaps it was better left in the dark. Those shining parts of her that wanted to come out would be ruined soon enough. She would be sent to Fjerda sooner rather than later. Prince Rasmus would destroy every part of her that he could. She would find her ruin in Fjerda, while the rest of her family thought little of her for the rest of their lives. Bringing out those shining parts now seemed to be almost too cruel.

        Kaz didn't know if it was something he could actually do or not.

        He knew for certain that he had to stop thinking of the princess. For now, she was a thorn in his side. She was nothing more than a girl who had tracked down a monster. He didn't wish to know how she'd done it. Nor did he wish to know if she'd be able to do it again.

        He didn't even know if she had been tracking him. Perhaps she had just gotten lucky by finding him. That or there was something else going on. He didn't understand why the princess would run in the first place. Why would she risk everything in order to wind up in a town that had been sacrificed to the Fold? What was the purpose of any of this? 

        If there was one thing that he hated, it was not knowing. Kaz thrived on being the most aware person in the room. It was his reason for the wraith, for his silence unless he needed to speak. There was a reason why Dirtyhands was feared. He knew more than anyone realized, he had more tricks up his sleeve than was comfortable. People couldn't trust him. People didn't want to trust him. Besides, having trust in the Barrel was the quickest way to get killed.

[manikas-whims]

A Place Good Enough

[Read on AO3]

Ship: Kaz Brekker X Inej Ghafa

Summary:

Kaz pays Inej's indenture at the Menagerie and she joins the dregs.

_

A short fic that adds a little more of what happens that night after Kaz takes her with him.

Note:

I'm a new fan and read the SoC Duology this Feb.

This is my first time writing these characters so please excuse anything weird, I tried my best.

Inej may seem a bit scared in this because she isn't the Inej we know in SoC. This will be the first fic of many where I'll try to show our Crows before the events of SoC. A look at their daily lives in the Dregs. And the slow development of feelings between Kanej.

Hope you enjoy this short piece ♥

Kaz

“Let’s start by getting out of here and finding you some proper clothes. Oh, and Inej,” he says, “don't ever sneak up on me again.”

And yet as he ushers the Suli girl out of the salon, the bustling streets remind him how foolish it will be to roam around the barrel at night. Ofcourse a mere glance at his cane and gloved hands is enough to ward people off. No one in Ketterdam dares crossing the young man that goes by the title of Dirtyhands. Even so, it won’t be good for his carefully crafted reputation to be seen limping around at indecent hours with an exotic girl in tow. Dirtyhands doesn’t waste time on frivolous things. He has vengeance to condemn and for that he requires proper focus and meticulous steps. Brick by brick. He reminds himself.

With a quick scan of his surroundings to make sure no one is looking, he removes the deep grey coat he’s adorning and hands it to the girl. He doesn’t miss the way she flinches at the action, probably just as scared of him as the rest of this city.

“Cover yourself.” He commands and continues walking. Thankfully, the girl doesn’t waste time being confused or shocked and quietly does as told. He also notes how she maintains a distance whilst following him but makes sure to stick close enough, her feet soundless despite the bells tied around her dainty ankles.

Inej

Kaz Brekker finally slows his walk as they approach a shabby building in the remote parts of the Barrel. Its lit and noisy but Inej can tell its definitely not a clothing store. And it is only moments later that cold realization dawns on her. There was no release from enslavement to begin with, just a deal struck between a bawd from the west stave and the lieutenant of a notorious gang in the east stave. It was a sham all along. Why wouldn’t it be? Why would one of the most sinister criminals in Kerch buy her out of slavery only to be shifted to an indenture? She should’ve been skeptical. Instead, she had been hopeful because the boy named Dirtyhands is after all, a young one like herself. She thought he may have empathized with her. He had even offered his coat to her. But oh what an utter fool she had been! Everything in Ketterdam comes with a price. Even something as natural as freedom.

Should she sprint away? She can take-off right now. He hasn’t looked back even once to check if she’s there. And he’s a cripple! She can easily outrun him. Yet all these plans formulating in her head are laced around a grim sense of fear. Kaz Brekker doesn’t need a reason. Or so she has heard. He has already earned an ill reputation for being whimsical. She mustn’t start giving him reasons to chase and drag her back down these dark alleys. So she quietly trails behind him as the door opens with a creak.

Men of varying ages who had been busy chatting and drinking, stare at them. His entry seems to raise everyone’s attention as they watch him walk by and approach the staircase. Although that’s all she sees as she continues after the uncaring boy, she does hear numerous brazen remarks.

“Am I too drunk or has Brekker actually brought in a girl?”

“Ghezen! We all must be sloshed.”

“I almost believed something was going on between him and that Zemeni boy.”

“So…Suli huh?”

Some snickers follow this particular remark but the boy doesn’t seem to mind. Does this mean their assumptions aren’t wrong? A wave of panic courses through her but Inej tries to calm herself with deep breaths, tries to focus her mind on the stairs instead. She has faced all sorts of repulsive men in the sheets. Dirtyhands can’t be much different. And even if the rumors aren’t false and he’s part-demon beneath the façade of his sharp suits,  she can still push herself to handle anything. If serving as his mistress will warrant her safety from the likes of Tante Heleen, she can do this. 

A soft clicking sound pulls her out of her trail of anxious thoughts. She notices they’ve walked past several floors and are currently going up into an attic. The inside isn’t much special but appropriately furnished— an old door placed atop several crates acting as a desk, a big window overseeing the surroundings and a door separating what she assumes must be a storage of sorts or a bedroom.

When Brekker finally turns around, his expression as unreadable as ever, Inej shivers. She takes one last gulp of air in hopes of easing herself. She can do this. She just needs to leave her body like she always does. Let the little lynx take care of such matters.

She begins by discarding his coat. Her eyes are lowered to the floor but she can sense his unwavering gaze. Maybe he’s one of those who take pleasure in watching a woman undo herself for him. Or maybe its something else entirely. His stoic demeanor doesn’t provide much to guess. Her shaky hands reach for the hooks in the back of her purple blouse. I can endure this! She mentally assures herself.

“What exactly are you doing?” comes his low voice, like a rasp of stone on stone.

Her hands fumble and come to a halt. She raises her eyelids to find a barely visible, amused smirk marring his pale countenance. “I..thought..I just–”

“Inej, was it?” he interrupts, leaning his weight on his frightening cane shaped like the head of a crow. Did she do something wrong? Will he use it on her? Her shoulders hunch slightly in preparation of whatever is to come. She hears an audible sigh instead. “I don’t remember us agreeing to such terms back at the Menagerie.”

Now she does look up, eyes wide in disbelief. “Oh..”

He passes a hand through his hair. “But since you seem eager to–”

“I’m not!” she yells, her cheeks tinted a lovely shade of pink. Frankly she doesn’t know how to react. It’s her first time speaking to a man who isn’t demanding any sexual favors from her but isn’t being very nice either.

He hobbles over to the makeshift desk and settles on a chair behind it. “Let me guess,” he starts, resting his bad leg on the tabletop and the cane in his lap. “You didn’t trust me.”

“I did!” she protests like a child  falsely accused of stealing candies. However, the embarrassment of her response follows immediately and she tilts her head down again. “Not truly but–”

“Wrong answer.” His tone is even more gritty now. “Its good that you expected the worst. Never trust anyone in the barrel.”

Inej looks at him again. It’s far too late for that lesson now. She’s learnt it the harshest of ways.

“I may be many things but I keep my word, Inej.” He adds solemnly, then fishes out a lone key from his pants' pocket. “Here” he gestures for her to come forward and receive it.

She scurries to the desk and takes it, her fingers lightly grazing along his gloved ones. Is he sending her on an errand already? Is procuring something important going to be her first task for the Dregs?

“Head downstairs and unlock the room directly below this attic with the key.” He tells simply and starts working on the tall stacks of papers lying on the desk.

She waits for further details but when he says nothing more she inquires herself, “For what?”

He glances at her, a brow quirked as if mocking her obliviousness. “Its your room from now on. Go get some sleep.”

“What about my..services?” she asks.

“We’ll discuss all that tomorrow morning.” He answers and waves her off, willing her to leave already.

Downstairs, upon unlocking an old cream-colored door and switching on the light, Inej is greeted by a tiny room. There’s a window overlooking the barrel, a cot arranged directly below it and an empty trunk lying open. Fortunately, everything is clean and dry and without any trace of smells.

As she steps inside, memories of her old life flash before her bleary eyes. This place is not even close to the large tents she used to perform in with her parents yet for some reason, she feels warm. Its not home but it’s good enough.

Shutting the door, she turns off the light and drops unceremoniously onto the cot. Moonlight illuminates the room- her room- in a dim glow. And slowly it happens. Her tense body relaxes into the mattress and her unshed emotions are set free in the form of tears slipping down her cheeks. Loud sobs rack her small frame as her hands hug the grey coat close to her chest. Amidst her shock and disbelief at actually being saved from sexual exploitation, she must have forgotten to return it. Kaz Brekker’s statement was like a dream she’s had every night since being stolen and shackled. A dream of being saved from the hell that is prostitution. I keep my word, Inej. She giggles at the sound of her real name being called by this stranger, tears staining her lips. She hasn’t heard it in so long that she almost forgot who she was. In letting her body go so as to persevere everyday at the Menagerie, she hadn’t noticed that the lively girl called Inej Ghafa was also withering away. She clutches the coat tighter as if fiercely trying to hold onto her remaining self. And for the first time since an year, she sleeps without the fear of being hurt.

Hope it was enjoyable!

I'm thinking of writing a short sequel drabble where Inej just goes to return Kaz's coat in front of everyone at the Dregs xD

.

SoC Masterlist

( divider by @firefly-graphics )

[serpenteve]

I don't know if this is a good hot take (or even a right one lol) but I always felt the difference in reception for the SAB trilogy and SOC duology was because of the intricacy of the plots. So, to explain myself the best I can since thoughts to screen is hard sometimes.

The SAB plot always felt ambitious to me. You have the Grisha persecution (which is a BIG problem since that's the whole reason the Darkling is even doing what he's doing), the Fold basically existing, the shitty monarchy of Ravka, and of course all of the underlying racism, etc (truly the list goes on). But the books never seem to actually move toward a conclusion where any of these issues are properly addressed and handled and then Alina is like: bye I'm a housewife in the country now uwu

Whereas SOC is simplistic (in comparison). Literally you just have a group of 6 criminals breaking into a prison to snitch snatch a chemist who's making a super bad drug. BADFORGRISHACOUGHCOUGH cause Grisha persecution is still a big thing no one has addressed but this is not the anon ask essay for that.

The thing is that the plot of SOC book one doesn't have 12 different grand scale things that need to be solved like in SAB. They literally just have the main quest and everyone is merely moving like chess pieces in one of those Escape Room games. If that makes sense. SOC isn't about this thick, heavy 'we need to change the world' plot. It's just 6 criminals being criminals.

The most complicated part of the story is the motivations of the characters evolving over time. The second book follows the same general flow of the first. Get Inej, get their money, destroy Pekka Rollins and Van Eck. Once again, everyone moves as chess pieces. Once again, the big part is character motivations.

The thing is it's just that simple. There is no 'all the countries hate this one particular subset of people and that needs to change!!! We need to make it change!!', and then having to piece together how to dismantle years of oppression and garbage ruling from a monarchy.

Then there's the writing for SOC which is just better in my opinion and even the characters felt more relatable. So now we have 6 endearing (for the most part. You're on thin ice Helvar) characters and the books are written in a way that seems like Leigh actually cared about the characters and the story unlike SAB.

This is getting long and I'm not sure if I made my point, but TLDR;

SAB being terrible is because Leigh put too many issues into her plot without thinking about how to actually fix them and paired it with sub par characters while SOC was the bare minimum and had no bearing on fixing the actual problems of the Grishaverse in general. They aren't the heroes of the world like Alina was made out to be. If anything it just further dug her story grave by adding more underlying issues to her universe in a duology with characters that don't have an active part in fixing those problems. They're just crows attracted to shiny gold coins to serve their own personal agenda.

To be fair, I am bias to SOC but I also know it's flaws and narrative fallouts I just thought Leigh did SAB dirty by setting the story up the way she did and then giving it such a garbage conclusion.

Sorry this got so long I just saw your asks and really loved all the meta conversations going on and wanted to see other opinions about this. Like I said though I don't know if this is really a hot take or right lol

You put it into words!!! 🙌🏽 Such a great point!

I also thing having a more simpler plot for SoC allowed her to focus more on her characters so they are a lot more likable and fleshed out compared to the characters in S&B, even with the story being shared by 5 different POVs.