thao123456789

[eyrieofsynapses]

why Aurora's art is genius

It's break for me, and I've been meaning to sit down and read the Aurora webcomic (https://comicaurora.com/, @comicaurora on Tumblr) for quite a bit. So I did that over the last few days.

And… y'know. I can't actually say "I should've read this earlier," because otherwise I would've been up at 2:30-3am when I had responsibilities in the morning and I couldn't have properly enjoyed it, but. Holy shit guys THIS COMIC.

I intended to just do a generalized "hello this is all the things I love about this story," and I wrote a paragraph or two about art style. …and then another. And another. And I realized I needed to actually reference things so I would stop being too vague. I was reading the comic on my tablet or phone, because I wanted to stay curled up in my chair, but I type at a big monitor and so I saw more details… aaaaaand it turned into its own giant-ass post.

SO. Enjoy a few thousand words of me nerding out about this insanely cool art style and how fucking gorgeous this comic is? (There are screenshots, I promise it isn't just a wall of text.) In my defense, I just spent two semesters in graphic design classes focusing on the Adobe Suite, so… I get to be a nerd about pretty things…???

All positive feedback btw! No downers here. <3

---

I cannot emphasize enough how much I love the beautiful, simple stylistic method of drawing characters and figures. It is absolutely stunning and effortless and utterly graceful—it is so hard to capture the sheer beauty and fluidity of the human form in such a fashion. Even a simple outline of a character feels dynamic! It's gorgeous!

Though I do have a love-hate relationship with this, because my artistic side looks at that lovely simplicity, goes "I CAN DO THAT!" and then I sit down and go to the paper and realize that no, in fact, I cannot do that yet, because that simplicity is born of a hell of a lot of practice and understanding of bodies and actually is really hard to do. It's a very developed style that only looks simple because the artist knows what they're doing. The human body is hard to pull off, and this comic does so beautifully and makes it look effortless.

Also: line weight line weight line weight. It's especially important in simplified shapes and figures like this, and hoo boy is it used excellently. It's especially apparent the newer the pages get—I love watching that improvement over time—but with simpler figures and lines, you get nice light lines to emphasize both smaller details, like in the draping of clothing and the curls of hair—which, hello, yes—and thicker lines to emphasize bigger and more important details and silhouettes. It's the sort of thing that's essential to most illustrations, but I wanted to make a note of it because it's so vital to this art style.

THE USE OF LAYER BLENDING MODES OH MY GODS. (...uhhh, apologies to the people who don't know what that means, it's a digital art program thing? This article explains it for beginners.)

Bear with me, I just finished my second Photoshop course, I spent months and months working on projects with this shit so I see the genius use of Screen and/or its siblings (of which there are many—if I say "Screen" here, assume I mean the entire umbrella of Screen blending modes and possibly Overlay) and go nuts, but seriously it's so clever and also fucking gorgeous:

Firstly: the use of screened-on sound effect words over an action? A "CRACK" written over a branch and then put on Screen in glowy green so that it's subtle enough that it doesn't disrupt the visual flow, but still sticks out enough to make itself heard? Little "scritches" that are transparent where they're laid on without outlines to emphasize the sound without disrupting the underlying image? FUCK YES. I haven't seen this done literally anywhere else—granted, I haven't read a massive amount of comics, but I've read enough—and it is so clever and I adore it. Examples:

Secondly: The beautiful lighting effects. The curling leaves, all the magic, the various glowing eyes, the fog, the way it's all so vividly colored but doesn't burn your eyeballs out—a balance that's way harder to achieve than you'd think—and the soft glows around them, eeeee it's so pretty so pretty SO PRETTY. Not sure if some of these are Outer/Inner Glow/Shadow layer effects or if it's entirely hand-drawn, but major kudos either way; I can see the beautiful use of blending modes and I SALUTE YOUR GENIUS.

I keep looking at some of this stuff and go "is that a layer effect or is it done by hand?" Because you can make some similar things with the Satin layer effect in Photoshop (I don't know if other programs have this? I'm gonna have to find out since I won't have access to PS for much longer ;-;) that resembles some of the swirly inner bits on some of the lit effects, but I'm not sure if it is that or not. Or you could mask over textures? There's... many ways to do it.

If done by hand: oh my gods the patience, how. If done with layer effects: really clever work that knows how to stop said effects from looking wonky, because ugh those things get temperamental. If done with a layer of texture that's been masked over: very, very good masking work. No matter the method, pretty shimmers and swirly bits inside the bigger pretty swirls!

Next: The way color contrast is used! I will never be over the glowy green-on-black Primordial Life vibes when Alinua gets dropped into that… unconscious space?? with Life, for example, and the sharp contrast of vines and crack and branches and leaves against pitch black is just visually stunning. The way the roots sink into the ground and the three-dimensional sensation of it is particularly badass here:

Friggin. How does this imply depth like that. HOW. IT'S SO FREAKING COOL.

A huge point here is also color language and use! Everybody has their own particular shade, generally matching their eyes, magic, and personality, and I adore how this is used to make it clear who's talking or who's doing an action. That was especially apparent to me with Dainix and Falst in the caves—their colors are both fairly warm, but quite distinct, and I love how this clarifies who's doing what in panels with a lot of action from both of them. There is a particular bit that stuck out to me, so I dug up the panels (see this page and the following one https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-20-30/):

(Gods it looks even prettier now that I put it against a plain background. Also, appreciation to Falst for managing a bridal-carry midair, damn.)

The way that their colors MERGE here! And the immense attention to detail in doing so—Dainix is higher up than Falst is in the first panel, so Dainix's orange fades into Falst's orange at the base. The next panel has gold up top and orange on bottom; we can't really tell in that panel where each of them are, but that's carried over to the next panel—

—where we now see that Falst's position is raised above Dainix's due to the way he's carrying him. (Points for continuity!) And, of course, we see the little "huffs" flowing from orange to yellow over their heads (where Dainix's head is higher than Falst's) to merge the sound of their breathing, which is absurdly clever because it emphasizes to the viewer how we hear two sets of huffing overlaying each other, not one. Absolutely brilliant.

(A few other notes of appreciation to that panel: beautiful glows around them, the sparks, the jagged silhouette of the spider legs, the lovely colors that have no right to make the area around a spider corpse that pretty, the excellent texturing on the cave walls plus perspective, the way Falst's movements imply Dainix's hefty weight, the natural posing of the characters, their on-point expressions that convey exactly how fuckin terrifying everything is right now, the slight glows to their eyes, and also they're just handsome boys <3)

Next up: Rain!!!! So well done! It's subtle enough that it never ever disrupts the impact of the focal point, but evident enough you can tell! And more importantly: THE MIST OFF THE CHARACTERS. Rain does this irl, it has that little vapor that comes off you and makes that little misty effect that plays with lighting, it's so cool-looking and here it's used to such pretty effect!

One of the panel captions says something about it blurring out all the injuries on the characters but like THAT AIN'T TOO BIG OF A PROBLEM when it gets across the environmental vibes, and also that'd be how it would look in real life too so like… outside viewer's angle is the same as the characters', mostly? my point is: that's the environment!!! that's the vibes, that's the feel! It gets it across and it does so in the most pretty way possible!

And another thing re: rain, the use of it to establish perspective, particularly in panels like this—

—where we can tell we're looking down at Tynan due to the perspective on the rain and where it's pointing. Excellent. (Also, kudos for looking down and emphasizing how Tynan's losing his advantage—lovely use of visual storytelling.)

Additionally, the misting here:

We see it most heavily in the leftmost panel, where it's quite foggy as you would expect in a rainstorm, especially in an environment with a lot of heat, but it's also lightly powdered on in the following two panels and tends to follow light sources, which makes complete sense given how light bounces off particles in the air.

A major point of strength in these too is a thorough understanding of lighting, like rim lighting, the various hues and shades, and an intricate understanding of how light bounces off surfaces even when they're in shadow (we'll see a faint glow in spots where characters are half in shadow, but that's how it would work in real life, because of how light bounces around).

Bringing some of these points together: the fluidity of the lines in magic, and the way simple glowing lines are used to emphasize motion and the magic itself, is deeply clever. I'm basically pulling at random from panels and there's definitely even better examples, but here's one (see this page https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-16-33/):

First panel, listed in numbers because these build on each other:

The tension of the lines in Tess's magic here. This works on a couple levels: first, the way she's holding her fists, as if she's pulling a rope taut.

The way there's one primary line, emphasizing the rope feeling, accompanied by smaller ones.

The additional lines starbursting around her hands, to indicate the energy crackling in her hands and how she's doing a good bit more than just holding it. (That combined with the fists suggests some tension to the magic, too.) Also the variations in brightness, a feature you'll find in actual lightning. :D Additional kudos for how the lightning sparks and breaks off the metal of the sword.

A handful of miscellaneous notes on the second panel:

The reflection of the flames in Erin's typically dark blue eyes (which bears a remarkable resemblance to Dainix, incidentally—almost a thematic sort of parallel given Erin's using the same magic Dainix specializes in?)

The flowing of fabric in the wind and associated variation in the lineart

The way Erin's tattoos interact with the fire he's pulling to his hand

The way the rain overlays some of the fainter areas of fire (attention! to! detail! hell yeah!)

I could go on. I won't because this is a lot of writing already.

Third panel gets paragraphs, not bullets:

Erin's giant-ass "FWOOM" of fire there, and the way the outline of the word is puffy-edged and gradated to feel almost three-dimensional, plus once again using Screen or a variation on it so that the stars show up in the background. All this against that stunning plume of fire, which ripples and sparks so gorgeously, and the ending "om" of the onomatopoeia is emphasized incredibly brightly against that, adding to the punch of it and making the plume feel even brighter.

Also, once again, rain helping establish perspective, especially in how it's very angular in the left side of the panel and then slowly becomes more like a point to the right to indicate it's falling directly down on the viewer. Add in the bright, beautiful glow effects, fainter but no less important black lines beneath them to emphasize the sky and smoke and the like, and the stunningly beautiful lighting and gradated glows surrounding Erin plus the lightning jagging up at him from below, and you get one hell of an impactful panel right there. (And there is definitely more in there I could break down, this is just a lot already.)

And in general: The colors in this? Incredible. The blues and purples and oranges and golds compliment so well, and it's all so rich.

Like, seriously, just throughout the whole comic, the use of gradients, blending modes, color balance and hues, all the things, all the things, it makes for the most beautiful effects and glows and such a rich environment. There's a very distinct style to this comic in its simplified backgrounds (which I recognize are done partly because it's way easier and also backgrounds are so time-consuming dear gods but lemme say this) and vivid, smoothly drawn characters; the simplicity lets them come to the front and gives room for those beautiful, richly saturated focal points, letting the stylized designs of the magic and characters shine. The use of distinct silhouettes is insanely good. Honestly, complex backgrounds might run the risk of making everything too visually busy in this case. It's just, augh, so GORGEOUS.

Another bit, take a look at this page (https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-15-28/):

It's not quite as evident here as it is in the next page, but this one does some other fun things so I'm grabbing it. Points:

Once again, using different colors to represent different character actions. The "WHAM" of Kendal hitting the ground is caused by Dainix's force, so it's orange (and kudos for doubling the word over to add a shake effect). But we see blue layered underneath, which could be an environmental choice, but might also be because it's Kendal, whose color is blue.

And speaking off, take a look at the right-most panel on top, where Kendal grabs the spear: his motion is, again, illustrated in bright blue, versus the atmospheric screened-on orange lines that point toward him around the whole panel (I'm sure these have a name, I think they might be more of a manga thing though and the only experience I have in manga is reading a bit of Fullmetal Alchemist). Those lines emphasize the weight of the spear being shoved at him, and their color tells us Dainix is responsible for it.

One of my all-time favorite effects in this comic is the way cracks manifest across Dainix's body to represent when he starts to lose control; it is utterly gorgeous and wonderfully thematic. These are more evident in the page before and after this one, but you get a decent idea here. I love the way they glow softly, the way the fire juuuust flickers through at the start and then becomes more evident over time, and the cracks feel so realistic, like his skin is made of pottery. Additional points for how fire begins to creep into his hair.

A small detail that's generally consistent across the comic, but which I want to make note of here because you can see it pretty well: Kendal's eyes glow about the same as the jewel in his sword, mirroring his connection to said sword and calling back to how the jewel became Vash's eye temporarily and thus was once Kendal's eye. You can always see this connection (though there might be some spots where this also changes in a symbolic manner; I went through it quickly on the first time around, so I'll pay more attention when I inevitably reread this), where Kendal's always got that little shine of blue in his eyes the same as the jewel. It's a beautiful visual parallel that encourages the reader to subconsciously link them together, especially since the lines used to illustrate character movements typically mirror their eye color. It's an extension of Kendal.

Did I mention how ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL the colors in this are?

Also, the mythological/legend-type scenes are illustrated in familiar style often used for that type of story, a simple and heavily symbolic two-dimensional cave-painting-like look. They are absolutely beautiful on many levels, employing simple, lovely gradients, slightly rougher and thicker lineart that is nonetheless smoothly beautiful, and working with clear silhouettes (a major strength of this art style, but also a strength in the comic overall). But in particular, I wanted to call attention to a particular thing (see this page https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-12-4/):

The flowing symbolic lineart surrounding each character. This is actually quite consistent across characters—see also Life's typical lines and how they curl:

What's particularly interesting here is how these symbols are often similar, but not the same. Vash's lines are always smooth, clean curls, often playing off each other and echoing one another like ripples in a pond. You'd think they'd look too similar to Life's—but they don't. Life's curl like vines, and they remain connected; where one curve might echo another but exist entirely detached from each other in Vash's, Life's lines still remain wound together, because vines are continuous and don't float around. :P

Tahraim's are less continuous, often breaking up with significantly smaller bits and pieces floating around like—of course—sparks, and come to sharper points. These are also constants: we see the vines repeated over and over in Alinua's dreams of Life, and the echoing ripples of Vash are consistent wherever we encounter him. Kendal's dream of the ghost citizens of the city of Vash in the last few chapters is filled with these rippling, echoing patterns, to beautiful effect (https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-20-14/):

They ripple and spiral, often in long, sinuous curves, with smooth elegance. It reminds me a great deal of images of space and sine waves and the like. This establishes a definite feel to these different characters and their magic. And the thing is, that's not something that had to be done—the colors are good at emphasizing who's who. But it was done, and it adds a whole other dimension to the story. Whenever you're in a deity's domain, you know whose it is no matter the color.

Regarding that shape language, I wanted to make another note, too—Vash is sometimes described as chaotic and doing what he likes, which is interesting to me, because smooth, elegant curves and the color blue aren't generally associated with chaos. So while Vash might behave like that on the surface, I'm guessing he's got a lot more going on underneath; he's probably much more intentional in his actions than you'd think at a glance, and he is certainly quite caring with his city. The other thing is that this suits Kendal perfectly. He's a paragon character; he is kind, virtuous, and self-sacrificing, and often we see him aiming to calm others and keep them safe. Blue is such a good color for him. There is… probably more to this, but I'm not deep enough in yet to say.

And here's the thing: I'm only scratching the surface. There is so much more here I'm not covering (color palettes! outfits! character design! environment! the deities! so much more!) and a lot more I can't cover, because I don't have the experience; this is me as a hobbyist artist who happened to take a couple design classes because I wanted to. The art style to this comic is so clever and creative and beautiful, though, I just had to go off about it. <3

...brownie points for getting all the way down here? Have a cookie.

[chirpsythismorning]

Your last post is amazing and I want to share with you that I had a similar journey when it comes to shipping byler.

I first watched the show when season 2 had just come out in 2017, and I was a hardcore milkvan shipper (I was 13 and I didn't know any better and lacked critical thinking skills lmao). While watching season 3 for the first time I noticed Will being gay (I gasped at the rain fight scene), but just like you I assumed milkvan would be endgame. After watching the infamous last milkvan kiss in the last episode, I was left with a weird feeling about it for the next week but I was never able to put my finger on what exactly had felt so wrong in that scene.

Like you, I also have never shipped ships where I didn't notice that there was clear buildup towards endgame (I even watched outer banks for the first time earlier this year and a lot of the fandom swears there has been jiara buildup from the first season, but I know that's not true and the only scene I can identify as true buildup is in the last episode of season 2). However, two years ago I began studying film and how it works, first in highschool and last year in college. I learned a lot about visual storytelling and I also gained an incredible amount of media literacy. Exactly a year ago, a month before vol 1 came out, I was bored and decided to rewatch the whole 3 seasons.

With my older age now and my better understanding of cinematography and narrative, I stopped liking milkvan in the first season because of the born sexy yesterday trope, but I also began to notice how Mike was surrounded by queer coding, both narratively and by the framing of his scenes with Will (the hand hold close up hello). Then I got to the end of season 3, watched that kiss again... and I noticed Mike's eyes were full open and the closet (Wills closet!) door was perfectly dividing Mike and El as if there was a wall between them. That's how, years after, I realized why that scene had felt so wrong to me the first time I watched it. I saw that boy was gay.

However, I was still skeptical precisely because I never fell for queer coding. But I went onto to Tumblr and I decided to read byler theories. I went in with an open mind and I realized that it made perfect sense and it was set up way too perfectly, so it couldn't be a coincidence, either it was queer waiting or true.

I went into vol 1 so excited, I noticed Mike's queer coding on episode 1 alone was SO heavy (I went 🤨 with his bedroom posters and one way sign, the way he looked at Eddie, the people he wanted to ask to be subs in Hellfire...). Then when he dropped the famous "were friends, were friends!" that's when I knew they were going there. And they I saw that he couldn't say I love you to El? That was the moment I smiled widely, and ever since that moment, I've known byler is endgame and I've never had a single doubt ever again. Not even in the aftermath of volume 2. I knew Mike's speech being based on the painting attributed to El when it's actually Wills mimicked the plot of many teenage early 2000s movies (yes I was the girl who wrote you that love letter not her, I'm the one who actually loves you like that... And then boom they always end together). Then, El wasn't speaking to him, and I saw the last shot with the couples standing together. I knew that it was intentional for them to be positioned that way, and at this point I knew it wasn't queerbaiting

YES!

It's so cool to hear other bylers experiences with being introduced to all the evidence and just hearing about similar experiences in general!

I feel like a lot of bylers are just sort of lumped in with this naive stereotype of someone who always falls for queer-bait? Like we kind of just get lumped into it when the circumstances for Byler are completely different than the queer-bait ships that came way before.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a frequent queer-baitee. There literally isn't. Especially bc queer-baiting is referring to instances when a queer non-canon pairing is supported by the fans and the creators sort of humor it while knowing full well it won't happen?

Obviously times are changing at like lightening speed.

For example Stranger Things came out in 2016 and tbh 2016 is a completely different era of representation that 2023. 2016 was like the end of the queer-baiting era almost, give or take a few years. As we got closer to the 2020's, we started to see more queer rep that I feel like wasn't very overtly obviously queer-bait, but often queer characters at the forefront as the main or being more than just another example of the 'bury your gays' trope.

Also I took film classes in high school and I'm now majoring in film studies! So that was also something that no doubt had a massive impact on my perspective of things changing throughout that time from s1 to s4's release as well!

Even despite that I am a little bit slow about catching onto things, and so like it doesn't even matter that I have extra terminology under my belt or something. For example, I have a sister who hates movies, but when I do manage to convince her to watch a movie or show that I think she'll like, she'll notice stuff I didn't notice upon watching for the first time, while I on the other hand didn't notice that detail until like my 3rd rewatch. And it seriously pisses me off so much!!!!! She doesn't even appreciate her gift!

I remember watching s4 with her, and literally having no knowledge of anything outside of half paying attention while watching, she was like, Mike's pocket looks like an arrow... And I just looked at her completely silent and had to look away like seriously fuck you I had to go online and hear hundreds of bylers obsessing over it to think about it that way. But that's also just us as a fandom seeing stuff simultaneously and figuring it out together. Maybe I would've figured out the arrow pocket myself if I had actually not been exposed to the flurry of theories while s4 was promoted and released.

Still, it just goes to show that while yes extra knowledge about film is extremely helpful, like very helpful obviously, someone without any experience can be capable of picking up on things you missed regardless. And I do love that because it's just a reminder that no matter peoples bias' we can work together and figure shit out.

Also why I sometimes still enjoy lurking reddit bc they can be smart, and even a homophobes POV can come in handy bc I feel like they are avoiding the gay subtext at all costs so they're able to focus on things that we might overlook?

I do notice that a lot of people treat bylers like they are pervs and need to stop shipping boys together bc it's just not going to happen and we shouldn't be crying queer-bait, or this or that?

But like, first of all, it's half-canon my friend. One of the characters is, in canon, in love with the other. And there's still one more season left. And the other character has no idea that the other character is in love with them...

That doesn't happen bro. It just doesn't.

And not only that but, we were obviously milkvans at one point... I personally skipped entire episodes for those bitches...

And yet, even despite that, I also noticed something off between them just like 90% of the ga did before even looking up theories or picking up on byler fully.

This isn't a case of a bunch of people shipping two boys for shits and giggles (and even if it was, who fucking cares).

What's happening on Stranger Things is not something that happens, ever. You don't make the main couple become this pairing that the audience is indifferent to in the 3rd and 4th season, practically repeating the same storyline of them being incompatible, only to make their love for each other fail at saving the day... and with unresolved feelings between the main guy and his best friend being unaddressed... It's not a thing.

If more fans realized that this isn't even about shipping and it's just about literally paying attention beyond seeing what you want to see, then they'd understand where we're coming from. I shipped Milkvan but it's clear to me that the story is trying to convey they are not right for each other. I'm not going to hold onto a romantic relationship between two characters who met when they were like 12 and were sort of pressured into being romantic instantly, just bc love at first sight or something? That's stupid. If it was built up more satisfying, and if Will wasn't there being in love with Mike and with Mike clearly holding similar feelings then it wouldn't be what it clearly is. A fucking story that is clearly heading in the direction of a straight-bait/endgame main queer couple.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Boy Bands In 5 Minutes (post 2/2)

Part 2! Let's get right into this! (For part 1 go here)

...There's a lot going on with the outfits here, but I'm assuming it's decade/era-appropriate? (I learned from one reaction video that apparently the poncho/jumper/hoodie thing that Geoff is wearing is something that people used to wear to the beach a lot or something?)

Geoff used to wear a bowtie a lot when he had shorter hair (apparently, though I don't watch a lot of VP's older stuff), but this is basically the only time that we see Geoff wearing a bowtie since growing his hair out (well, wearing a tied-up bowtie anyway)

I did a study/analysis thing on the varying positionings/line-up orders of the group during this video (haven't bothered to psot it though), and fun fact: Geoff spends the majority of this video on the left side of the screen!

This guy is Rek Dunn, who was a production assistant and friend of the group for many years, before he sadly passed away in 2021 (the Halo theme cover that Voiceplay did that year is in honour of him)

The only outfit change done phyiscally on camera and not via quick cuts. Pay attention to Layne!

The absolute drama. Iconic, we stan 👌😂

Backstreet Boys time! The outfits are similiar to what they started the video wearing, but with a few changes. E.g. they're wearing white pants rather than black, Eli's wearing a white fedora, and Geoff is wearing a singlet/tank top (one of the first times (if not the first time) that Geoff has been the only one with bare shoulders in a Voiceplay video, and certainly not the last (hey, if you've got it, flaunt it!))

Back to NSYNC, this time for the song "pop". And yes, if you haven't figured it out already, this section is filled with scenes relating to "pop" and all its meanings/connotations. So in this shot the guys are playing with balloons (which can pop), then they're tossing around bubble wrap (which people often enjoy popping), then they're eating bubblegum (which you can blow bubbles with, which can then pop), then dancing in bubbles/using bubble guns (see previous), and then doing a toast/cheers with cans of soda/soft drink, which Americans sometimes refer to as "pop".

This section alone must have taken a bit of time to set up and film each scene for, but I bet they had a really fun time with it (must be a ton of bloopers/outtakes)

According to commenters, Voiceplay are in fact doing the same choreography for One Direction's Best Song Ever as was used in the original music clip.

(Also I saw part of a 1D music video on a public TV screen a couple weeks ago and I was like "okay but why is Harry Styles' appearance here giving me Geoff vibes? 😅" (I think it was partially the hair, and partially the fact that Geoff lives rent-free in my head))

Geoff flossing XD (he also did it at the end of his Monster Mash video, or one of his selves did it at least)

Earl, Eli, and J are absolutely killing it with the fashion here! (I wanna know how many of the clothes used were already owned, and how many were acquired just for the video?)

Eli back at it again with the sunglasses-as-fashion-accessory (without wearing them), and also I just realized his pants are the same that he was wearing in the Pop section of the video just a bit earlier. Also J's shirt reminds me of the blazer/jacket he wore in the Queen Medley.

Also it's about time I acknowledge those light bars/poles that have been in the background the whole time and changing colours for the different scenes. Eli's the lighting whiz of the group, so they were likely his idea/doing (and he is credited with lighting in the description), and they're definitely a brilliant addition to the video!

I don't know how much rehearsal time went into this whole thing, but Voiceplay did an overall fantastic job at the choreography.

(Maybe I would have been fine doing this video as just one post, but better safe than sorry imo) So yeah, amazing video, amazing arrangement, amazing performance. What more can I say? They might not be boys (anymore), but Voiceplay is definitely my favourite band! 😁

[rosetintedgunman]

It’s a small gesture, but given the man it’s coming from it speaks volumes. An envelope bearing Wilford’s name is tucked away, waiting to be discovered. It was written and rewritten before being sent. There’s even some crossed out parts, but they’re somewhat legible.

As much as he wanders, it’s sure to be found eventually.

He’s going to need all the help he can get. The bear’s a good start.

Thank you.

-M

@the-actor-himself

Follow-on from this ask

-

And the envelope does make it way. The neatly sealed stationery is discovered in an obscure place by the only man who would notice the unusual addition to the location.

A simple note. A short message. Vague and somewhat concerning to one who might pick it up by mistake. But this was the intended recipient, and he remembered all of this far too well.

A familiar face expressing a desire to be a father and having a family. A booming laugh and a playful jab at how the children would no doubt be talented, creative individuals if they are made tread the boards.

Well, it's a lot later than anyone would have expected, but it happened. Even if the words of thanks were crossed out, the sentiment was still there in the form of the letter being delivered in the first place.

Maybe that attempt to reconcile might finally be due. Family matters... Right?

[flclarchives]

Amusing Himself to Death, an Akadot.com interview with Kazuya Tsurumaki (director of FLCL and assistant director of Evangelion) from around December 2001. In the article, Tsurumaki explains a few things about Evangelion, his mentality behind FLCL as a whole, and the meaning of the name ‘FLCL’.

Full article text is under the cut, or read the article in its original form [here].

Kazuya Tsurumaki was a relatively little-known animator when Hideki Anno selected him to work as the assistant director on Neon Genesis Evangelion. For the TV series, which became a smash hit in Japan and one of the touchstones of the current surge of interest in anime in the US, Tsuramaki served as the main storyboard artist as well as assistant director, and when Studio Gainax began production on a trio of Evangelion films Tsurumaki got his first directorial assignment.

As he tells the story, Anno came to him after Eva and announced that he was out of ideas and that it was up to Tsurumaki to dream up the next project because, "you are next." Tsurumaki let his imagination run wild, but by the time he had written a script, Anno - despite his declaration that he had no stories left to tell - was already several steps ahead of Tsurumaki and in pre-production for his next series, Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo, leaving Tsurumaki a chance to have complete and unsupervised creative control of his own series FLCL.

FLCL, referred to as "Fooly Cooly" (or "Furikuri" by its American fans), is unlike any anime series to come before it. Wild, maniacally fast-paced physical comedy; exaggerated, exuberant animation alternately pushing towards surrealist- as when mecha exuviate from a bump on young Naota's head - and deconstructionist - as when the animation literally stops and the story is told by a camera bouncing across a page of black and white manga art panels; and obsessively, often irrelevantly, referential to obscure Tokyo-pop bands and anime insider trivia; FLCL was hyperkinetic and disorienting, yet mesmerizing, almost transgressive, and undeniably original. It inspired enthusiastic admiration for Tsurumaki as a creator, even amongst the perhaps 90% of the series' fans who were absolutely baffled by much of it. One is tempted to refer to it as announcing the arrival of full blown post-modernism in animation, or perhaps as the Exploding Plastic Inevitable of the anime industry.

When Tsurumaki visited Baltimore to speak to American fans at the recent Otokon Convention, predictably, many of the questions were along the lines of, "Hi, I really loved FLCL [or Evangelion], but could you please explain this part of it to me?"

Tsurumaki answered all questions genially with a self-deprecating and often mischievous sense of humor. For example:

Why does Haruko hit Naota over the head with her guitar?

Kazuya Tsurumaki: Naota is trying to be a normal adult and she belts him to make him rethink his decision.

Why does Evangelion end violently, and somewhat unhappily?

KT: People are accustomed to sweet, contrived, happy endings. We wanted to broaden the genre, and show people an ugly, unhappy ending.

Why is the character of Shinji portrayed as he is?

KT: Shinji was modeled on director Hideki Anno. Shinji was summoned by his father to ride a robot, Anno was summoned by Gainax to direct an animation. Working on Nadia [Nadia: Secret of the Blue Water, one of Anno and Tsurumaki's earlier projects] he wondered if he still wanted to work like this. He thought that working on Eva could help him to change.

Is there any particular reason why so many Gainax series feature very anxious, unhappy young male protagonists with no parents?

KT: Yes, the directors at Gainax are all basically weak, insecure, bitter, young men. So are many anime fans. Many Japanese families, including my own, have workaholic fathers whose kids never get to see them. That may influence the shows I create.

Could you explain the mecha bursting from Naota's head in FLCL?

KT: I use a giant robot being created from the brain to represent FLCL coming from my brain. The robot ravages the town around him, and the more intensely I worked on FLCL the more I destroyed the peaceful atmosphere of Gainax.

Why doesn't FLCL follow one story?

KT: In the third episode Ninamori was almost a main character, a kid who, like Naota, has to act like an adult.  After episode three her problem was solved so we wrote her out.  She has many fans in Japan and we got plenty of letters about that decision.  For FLCL I wanted to portray the entire history of Gainax, and each episode has symbols of what happened behind the scenes on each of Gainax's shows.   Episode one has many elements of Karekano; episode two, a lot of Evangelion references, etc.

Where does the title FLCL come from?

KT: I got the idea from a CD in a music magazine with the title Fooly-Cooly.  I like the idea of titles that are shortened long English words. Pokémon for "Pocket-Monsters" for instance, and an old J-pop band called Brilliant Green that was known as "Brilly-Grilly."

Is there any reason why the extra scenes added to Eva for the video release were cut in the first place?  Did you think the story would mean something different with them intact?

KT: The scenes that were added to Eva for its video release aren't that important.  We added them as an apology for taking so long to get the video out.  Maybe they'll help people understand things, because the episodes were done under tough deadlines the first time around.

Can you explain the symbolism of the cross in Evangelion?

KT: There are a lot of giant robot shows in Japan, and we did want our story to have a religious theme to help distinguish us.   Because Christianity is an uncommon religion in Japan we thought it would be mysterious.  None of the staff who worked on Eva are Christians.  There is no actual Christian meaning to the show, we just thought the visual symbols of Christianity look cool.  If we had known the show would get distributed in the US and Europe we might have rethought that choice.

After the panel, Mr. Tsurumaki sat down to speak with Akadot.

Do you enjoy confusing people?

KT: I have a twisted sense of humor.  I'm an Omanu Jacku, a contrarian.  [Writer's note- Omanu Jacku is a folk character a bit like Puck, a mischief maker]

What do you see differently now that you're working as a director rather than only as a visual artist?

KT: As an animator I have only the art; as a director story is really big.  I still feel as an animator and I often have trouble putting the needs of the story first.

Did you intend from the start for FLCL to be as bizarre as it wound up?

KT: From the very start I wanted a different flavor.  To achieve this I had to re-train the animators to be as stylized as I wanted them to be because I wasn't drawing it.  I knew that not everyone would get it.  I deliberately selected very obscure J-pop culture and anime sub-culture jokes and references.  Because Eva was so somber I always intended to make FLCL outrageous and wacky.

Why the choice to break out of conventional animation and use manga pages? Was it at all a response to how many anime are using computers to achieve smoother and more realistic visuals?  Were you trying to go the opposite direction?

KT: I like manga, not only to read, but the visuals.  The pen drawings, the frame breakdowns and layouts . . . This is the first time I have used digital animation, and those bouncing manga shots wouldn't have been possible with cel animation.   Personally I'm not interested at all in using computers for realistic animation.  I'm impressed by it sometimes, but I'm interested in using computers to do what was once impossible, not to do smoother versions of what has already been done.  I want to be less realistic.

Has using digital animation techniques changed the way you work, or the way you feel about your work when you see it?  Does it still feel like it's yours if a computer did much of it?

KT: Before I got into digital animation I saw other shows that were using it and I felt that there was no feeling, it was empty.   As an animator, there's a sense of release when you draw a cel.  There's something there.  Working on FLCL, though, I learned that computers can do more, and, most of all, that they allow room for trial and error and revising, more freedom to experiment.  That is why I now feel that cel art cannot win against computers.  For actual animation everything is still drawn on paper.  That work hasn't changed.  It's the other stuff, the touchups, and coloring.  If we didn't use paper, maybe the feeling would change.

Earlier today you said that you were trying to broaden the genre by giving Eva a sad ending.  Does the sameness of much of today's anime bore you?

KT: First of all we didn't use a sad ending to annoy fans.  When they're upset, that really bothers us.  Personally, I think a happy ending is fine, but not if it is achieved too easily.  That's no good.

For all the fans that are confused at all, if you had to define in one sentence what FLCL is about, what would you say?

KT: FLCL is the story of boy meets girl.  For me it is also about how it's ok to feel stupid.  With Evangelion there was this feeling that you had better be smart to understand it, or even just to work on it. With FLCL I want to say that it's okay to feel stupid.

Even though it may be strange to us, do you have in your head a logic behind it?  Are you trying to portray a story that follows the logic of dreams, or is it supposed to make sense symbolically?

KT: I'd like you to think of FLCL as imagination being made physical and tangible, just as it is for me when I take whatever is in my head and draw it.

So what are you working on next?

KT: Right now Gainax has told me that they'll support anything I choose to create, but I'm having trouble coming up with any ideas.

Why is that?

KT: Releasing titles for market, I know I have to make something to please fans, but I'm not a mature enough person to accept that fact.  If I'm not amusing myself I can't do it.  I feel bad that fans have to put up with such behavior from me.  I apologize. 

[drsilverfish]

Where the Girls Go Wild and the Boys Play Hard - The Subtext in Swayze’s Bar - 15x07 Last Call

Well, I guess now we know why Swayze always gets a pass... (a shared crush with an old flame).

And I guess we also know that the silent word in the episode title Last Call is booty... as in Last (Booty) Call - or, the tragic end to an old fling.

Ok, so I’m late to the party (I’m sure there is a party, right?) as I’ve just watched the episode and I’ve been avoiding spoilers! 

No doubt the queer subtext in this episode, regarding the nature of Dean and Lee’s previous relationship, has already been the subject of much discussion, many meta and gifs. So, apologies for any repetitions, but I’m gonna give it my best shot.

Firstly I was struck by the name of this old hunting “brother” of Dean’s - Lee. I know Lee Webb was a country singer. But, in the larger mythos of Supernatural, which Kripke based on Kerouac’s On the Road (Sam = Sal Paradise and Dean = Dean Moriarty) Lee would fit as a reference to Old Bull Lee, another character in On the Road, based on Kerouac’s friend, the writer William Burroughs (who was of course, gay).

There are many elements we’re used to - Sam/ Eileen (now overtly on the edge of something romantic) paired in the narrative whilst Dean/ Lee are paired; sharing drinks as substitutes for erotic intimacy (here, dick-touching):

which SPN has used before, notably back when Dean got infected by Nick the Siren by sharing his hipflask with him in Baby in 4x14 Sex and Violence (a subtextual kiss).

Then there’s the reference Dean and Lee make to a good ol’ time of theirs back when they shared an encounter with triplets (of unspecified gender) whilst hanging out with Lorna, in a situation at Swayze’s which could, potentially, turn into a present-day threesome, given Lorna’s earlier overt sexual interest in Dean, and the subtextual tension between Dean and Lee.

This reference to triplets (of unspecified gender) of course, reminds us of those other triplets (also of unspecified gender) to whom Crowley and Deanmon did “extraordinary things” together back in 10x01 Black during their “summer of love”.

But it was the intimacy of Lee’s line to Dean from the stage: “You can’t just sit around lip-synching to Eye of the Tiger when no-one’s watching,” that punched me in the gut. Dean had allowed himself to really be seen by this guy, i.e. shared his secret dream to be a rock star with him, which we’ve previously seen him reveal to another old love, Robin, in 9x07 Bad Boys. 

So yeah it turns out, as Rowena said, “What’s bi is bi,” - and sometimes bisexual lighting is bisexual lighting:

“Making their way, the only way they know how... that’s just a little bit more than the law will allow...” 

The Duke’s of Hazzard theme song, sure, but also, in this context, of course, an anthem, for Dean and Lee, to “outlaw” (queer, closeted) sexuality. 

Then there’s Lee’s bar, Swayze’s, itself, which sheds new light on Rocky’s Bar, the “happiness-trap” dream mind-bar which AU!Michael created in Dean’s head in 14x10 Nihilism in order to subdue him:

Looks like Dean and Lee shared a dream about owning a bar together, way back when Sammy was off at college and Dean and Lee were “hunting buddies”.

And look, Cosmic Cowboy makes an appearance inboth Swayze’s and Rocky’s: 

Yeah, I know it’s a real Family Business Beer Co beer, but that don’t mean it can’t play a role in the subtext additionally, where it connects these two old lovers’ dream bars:

I’ve written previously about the queer-coding of bars in SPN over the years:

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/50661253249/the-bar-scene-in-8x23-spoilers-detailed

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/115759833784/dean-winchester-bars-and-m-m-encounters 

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182142619479/rockys-bar-a-closer-look-in-deans-mind-14x10

And there’s plenty of queer-coding in Swayze’s. Just look at those two guns crossed on the wall between Dean and Lee:

Sure, they’re about to fight, so that’s one layer, but as with the touching beer bottles above, this is also dick-on-dick symbolism 101.

And would you look at that freaking TV screen with the man on the end of a pier at sunset? Yup that also appeared in Rocky’s:

As I’ve often discussed before, pier symbolism has come, in SPN’s visual subtext, to stand for the intimate connection between Dean and Cas, from that pivotal scene in 4x20 The Rapture in which Cas entered Dean’s fishing dream, rebelling against Heaven to do so, and tried to warn him about Heaven’s plans.

Notice The Rapture is also referenced in 15x07 because the case Dean is investigating was reported in the news as a girl being “raptured” (taken up to Heaven). And that pier scene from The Rapture was referenced last week too, as Cas mused about Dean’s love for fishing’s “meditative qualities” during his Jenny Lake case in 15x06 Golden Time. The profound bond may presently be under strain, but oh boy, is the subtext singing from its hymn sheet.

Cas’ absence (and Dean’s longing for him) is layered into the subtext of both Rocky’s and Swayze’s bars. In 15x07 Dean has left the bunker because (we may infer) he’s finding Sam’s burgeoning happiness with Eileen hard to deal with, given his own break-up with Cas, and yet, the poor sod goes and runs, tragically, into another lost love. 

And then this dialogue hits us, and Dean, with break-up feels:

Dean: “Best friends don’t just up and leave without saying goodbye...”

Lee: “Unless they deserve it...”

You have to wonder if the similarities between Rocky’s (which was a fiction, an illusion) and Swayze’s, contains an ominous hint of Chuck’s handiwork. Perhaps he set up this painful scenario (by association, also a fiction) for Dean, to cruelly toy with his emotions. 

The reference to 4x06 Yellow Fever really made my subtext-dar go off, in terms of the multiple layers Jeremy Adams managed to deftly work into Last Call. Dean laughingly tells Lee about catching “ghost sickness” that one time (and of course, Lee’s Eye of the Tiger reference also recalls Yellow Fever for us). 

Yellow Fever, Dabb’s first episode for the show, is, in subtext, a study in queer-panic, which the “ghost sickness” (which infects Dean, not Sam) stands in for. See my queer reading of that episode, here:

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182874642184/old-timey-spn-a-fresh-queer-look-at-4x06

“Ghost-sickness”, aka queer closeted anxiety, becomes deeply poignant here, hanging between Dean and Lee, like the ghost of their old intimacy, which they never vocalise, but which may (if we choose) be read in the way they touch each other.

Overall, this was a beautifully written episode by Jeremy Adams, and the final, tragic (sublimated) penetration of Lee by Dean with the pool cue - a real death echoing, in subtext, with all the “little deaths” (yes, sex) they’ve shared before, was acted to perfection.

Lee’s noises and grunts are the noises of a fight, yes, but close your eyes and listen to that scene. “Wait, wait,” Lee says breathlessly, and Dean pauses, before Lee tells him it’s ok to pull out. And Dean can’t freaking look Lee in the eye because this terrible new intimacy is layered ontop of older intimacies:

So is Dean’s bisexuality still subtext, after this episode?

Yes, given that out there in the fly-by-night froth of mainstream entertainment journalism, it remains (as far as I can see, in my admittedly brief trawl) unremarked upon in 15x07 episode reviews and recaps:

https://tvmoviefix.com/supernatural-season-15-episode-7-last-call-review-recap-spoilers/

https://ew.com/recap/supernatural-season-15-episode-7/

But, Dean does slay the monster in the closet that gives you fake happiness if you feed it the blood of innocents. And in that, we might read a metaphor - for Dean slaying his own closetedness (as much, anyway, as the CW will permit): 

My usual disclaimer applies: reading SPN’s queer subtext does not imply or promise textual confirmation is on the way. 

[quicksiilver]

In My Fathers Eyes

All Parts: Here

Also on AO3: Here

Part Six: No Distractions

Word Count: 6.2k

Chapter Summary: The next day begins with breakfast with the team, which follows with a training session with Natasha.  Just when Rachel thought she’d get along with Tony something turns it sour once more.  While training Rachel meets two new faces, and one who may turn out to be another great friend.

A/N: This part is a little longer than ones I’ve been posting, but I needed to fit this all into one!

The alarm on my phone woke me up at nine thirty.  Buried in the pillows I slid my hand all over the mattress beside me to find my phone and shut it off.  In doing so I found a few messages from Shaun, and realized I never said goodnight to him.

S: Hope everything is still good with Spidey boy

S: Today is the longest you’ve gone in between texting me I don’t know if I liiiike this Rach!!

S: I’m jk-ing.  You’re living a life right now and I’m happy for you and not jealous at all!!

S: That was a lie I’m totally jealous

S: Love you and goodnight!!

Rubbing my eyes I tapped a few words out for him and hit send then laid back down.  I stared at the ceiling letting my thoughts from yesterday come in slow which was a technique taught to me by Shaun’s mom.  She’s been a psychiatrist for years and she helped me through my mom's passing.  I’ve learned that thinking of everything all at one time would cause more anxiety than needed, so I think of one thing at a time and talk it out with myself.  I haven’t had to use the technique in a while actually, but thanks to yesterday that streak broke.

“I have a dad,” I spoke quietly admiring the plain ceiling, “And he’s a bad guy to these people.”  I took in a long deep breath closing my eyes, expanding my chest to its max before letting the air out slow.

“I don’t want to judge him yet.  I need to meet him, talk to him, and then I can make judgments,” I said, “It’s cool that he can do... some kind of magic.  Thor told me I could learn to use it.” My eyes popped open and I felt a small tinge of excitement spark inside of me.

“I could learn magic,” I giggled flipping onto my stomach face first into a squishy pillow, “This is madness!” I said louder, muffled by the cushion.  Composing myself I rolled again onto my back not even worried about falling off an edge, the bed was far too big for that to happen.

“I met some Avengers who all seem to want to help me,” I continued the list of yesterday, “They need me to help them.  I could be a part of a mission with these people.  The Hulk and Tony Stark read my freaking mind...” My excitement toned down and was swapped for a different feeling.  A sixth grade and high school kind of feeling.  The forget to eat, trip over your feet feeling.

“I met a boy,” My voice was quiet again, “Called Peter-“

“Calling Peter,” Friday's voice said from the beyond.  My heart shot out of my chest, and I’d never gotten out of bed faster.

“No! Friday! No don’t call Peter,” I spoke frantically and tried to keep my voice low.  I was waving my hands at the ceiling still having no idea where Friday even comes from.  There was a knock at my door.  I spun around and stared for a second.  There was no time to feel anxious, at this point I was just feeling stupid.  A few more knocks came from the other side of the door so I took that as my cue to answer it.

Pulling the handle I opened it a few inches and peeked outside.  Sure enough Peter was there in a t-shirt and sweatpants rubbing one of his eyes.  His hair was a little messy, and even though he still had sleep on him I almost preferred him like this.

“Hey,” His voice was a bit deeper than usual, “Are you okay?” He asked, looking at me with heavy eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I said sincerely, “Friday... is in here I think and she... she called you.  I told her to stop.  I didn’t mean to wake you up, I really am sorry.”  He smirked at my rambling and shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Stark tells me I need to wake up earlier anyway.  If anything, you saved me another lecture,” He rolled his eyes and we both smiled as he turned away to go back into his room.  I was about to shut my door when he paused and turned back around to me.

“Why did she call me?” He questioned, finding it funny.  I just shrugged and hoped Friday wouldn’t give me up.  If I had known she was listening that entire time I wouldn’t have said anything out loud.

“Miss Rachel said ‘Call Peter’, Peter,” Friday came out into the hallway.  Pressing my eyes shut I sighed heavily.  I was cool with this girl last night, but now she was testing me.

“I did not say that,” I said.

“Miss Rachel said to call you Peter,” Friday said, her tone staying the same.

“Girl!” I looked toward the ceiling.

“I have the proof if she doesn’t believe me, Peter,” Friday spoke again, and the next thing out of her was my voice.

“Called Peter,” Was all it said.  Looking at him he was watching me with a faint grin.  I pressed my lips together tight and honestly didn’t know what else to say.

“Friday she didn’t say to call me,” Peter said and Friday answered with an apology, “It’s okay, but maybe let her have a moment to herself.  I told you to look after her, not smother her.”  Our eyes met again, his looking a little uneasy as if he was waiting for a reaction from me.  Friday apologized again and said she would no longer come into my room unless there was an emergency.

“I guess we’re both sorry now,” He said guiltily, making me laugh.

“Thanks,” I said quietly referring to his gesture with Friday.  He nodded and shrugged looking down to his feet for a second.

“Who were you talking to?” He asked, speaking as quiet as I was, nodding at my room.

“Children?” Tony’s voice came from the elevator that opened without Peter or I noticing.  We both snapped our necks toward him, and I thanked him internally for saving me from answering Peter’s question.  Behind Tony walked Natasha who was eyeing Peter and I curiously.  Tony was dressed in a suit, for the royal wedding apparently, and Natasha wore a similar outfit to the one from yesterday.

“Wow, up before ten?” Tony asked Peter sarcastically, who shot me a quick deadpan look that made me have to suppress a laugh, “Maybe you’ll actually eat some kind of breakfast today and not straight junk.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Peter looked down trying to brush him off, “Sure.” His tone was flat.

“I’m serious Parker,” Tony said.

“Alright!” Peter snapped back looking at him annoyed.  Tony went to speak again but Natasha cut him off and got him back on track.  She looked to me with a smile.

“There’s food in the kitchen,” She spoke sweetly, “Have as much as you’d like, and make yourself at home.  We want you to be comfortable here.” Her voice was smooth and soft, like the blankets in my room if I had to visualize it.  I couldn’t believe that Natasha was the Black Widow.  The badass, villain killing woman that every girl wanted to be.

“After that you’re training with her,” Tony said to me and put a hand on Natashas shoulder, “We need to get you into shape and there’s no better person to do that than Nat.” She shrugged, still smiling, still looking at me.  Tony commented on Peter's appearance making Peter throw his head back in frustration and then he went off for the elevator.  Natasha leaned in coming closer to Peter and I.

“He forgets what it’s like to be young,” She joked, “He wasn’t always like this.  Promise.” She poked Peter on the chest and turned away joining Tony in the elevator.  Right before the doors closed she gave Peter a wink.  He instantly looked away flustered and my mind quickly took a turn.

“Does she like you?” I asked without hesitation.  His jaw fell open and he laughed out loud.

“No,” He said firmly, “She teases me like a freaking big sister.  You think Friday is a helicopter?  Nat is ten times worse.” I felt relief from the pit in my stomach that started to grow.  If there was a chance she liked him I’d be dead, and he’d be lucky because she’s a knockout.

“She’s a little too old for me, too,” He smiled.

“Right, sorry,” I said.

“Want to go eat?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.  My rumbling stomach answered for me and we laughed.

“I’m gonna get ready,” He said, backing up to his door, “I’ll meet you back out here.  I’ll wait for you so you know where you’re going.”

“I can help,” Friday chimed in.

“No!” Peter held up a hand and I grinned.  He watched me, amused, as I shut my door.

The elevator took Tony and Natasha to the floor Peter and I were on last night.  Steve, Thor, Bucky and Bruce were there waiting for them all sitting around one of the long tables.  Steve was sipping coffee from a mug talking quietly with Bucky while Thor and Bruce were looking through a pile of photographs.

“Gentlemen,” Natasha said affirmatively as she and Tony joined them.  She said hello to Bucky in russian.  He just smiled, shaking his head.

“The girl’s awake,” Tony said as he sat beside Bruce.  Steve rolled his eyes, setting his mug on the glass.

“The girl's name is Rachel,” He said glaring toward Stark.

“Right, what I said,” Tony retorted.

“Come on boys,” Natasha sang.  She’d been around them for too many years to know that their bickering would never stop.

“She’s up, so is Peter.  She’ll be training with Natasha today for the most part,” Tony explained.  Thor raised a hand and Tony sighed, disappointed.

“Yes, Thor,” He cooed sarcastically, Thor, again, not catching onto the mannerisms.

“Will I get some time with Rachel? I have some things I need to speak with her about,” He said squeezing a fist.  Tony eyed it and nodded.

“Yeah, she’s gonna need to know,” He told him, “Especially if she happens to be one, too.”

“You may have to fight Parker for her,” Natasha teased.  Tony turned to her suddenly, eyebrows in a twist.  She smirked down at him.  Tony shook his head, and Natasha nodded hers back.  They did this two more times before Tony broke away.  He took off his glasses and placed a hand to his forehead.

“I win, again,” Nat smized and Tony shot her back with some uncomfortable noises.

“She does always win,” Bucky said quietly from across the table.

“Shut up, Ted Bundy,” Tony shot at him, and you’d think he actually shot him with the way Steve stood up angrily.  Bucky ignored Tony.  He reached for Steve's arm and pulled on him to get him to sit back down.

“Yeah, cool it, Capsicle,” Tony said, “Wait.  I’m sorry.  You already did.” Steve rolled his eyes and sat back, looking to Bucky who just smiled at him.

“Does Peter like her then?” Bruce spoke up waiting for Natasha to explain.  He and Thor listened eagerly, leaning forward like it was ground breaking news.

“He might.  The way he looks at her... I’ve seen it before,” She looked at Bruce and gave him a gentle smile.  Tony fake threw up making Natasha smack the back of his head, her face expressionless.

“That,” Tony pointed at her looking around at the guys, “Why are science guys into girls like that?”

“You’re going to want to put your finger down, Stark,” Natasha warned.  Tony glanced to her and slowly lowered his hand, “You have been more of an ass than usual recently.  Anyone else seeing what I’m seeing?” Everyone at the table nodded their heads, even Bruce which surprised Tony.

“We can take the usual... but what’s going on?” Steve asked, “We can fight Tony but why are you picking one with everybody over everything?” Tony slid his glasses back on his nose and sat back with a deep breath.

“You’ve been anxious again?” Natasha asked, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Tony said quickly and nodded.

“Tone, you know you can talk about that with us,” Steve said looking between him and Natasha.

“Pepper’s pregnant,” He spoke faster than before, eyes glued to the table in front of him.  The room was quiet for only a second until the group broke out in happy sounds.

“Tony, congratulations!” Natasha said, wrapping an around him to give him a hug where he sat beside her.

“Yeah, man,” Steve nodded with a grin, “That’s awesome.” Tonys expression didn’t change.

“How far along is she?” Thor asked.  The group looked to Tony excitedly.  He took a long deep breath before he answered.

“Four months,” He said, “She’s been going through it, I haven’t been sleeping at all.  You guys know me, I don’t sleep.  Every now and then I do, but now instead of sleeping I’m helping Pepper,” He placed a hand back to his forehead, “It’s great.  Shit, I’m excited as hell to be a dad.  Now knowing that we’re about to face total destruction of the planet... again! I’m... afraid.”  Natasha rubbed his shoulder.

“We’re prepared this time Tony,” She said softly.

“What... with the powerless daughter of the antichrist upstairs?” Tony snapped.  If he didn’t just tell all of them his recent news, Thor would’ve been ready to swing his hammer around at the snide comment about his brother.  Nat looked to Thor with eyes that could kill, letting him know that if he reacted he’d be doing the worst right now.

“She’s going to learn,” She reassured Tony, “Trust me.  Even if she can’t learn the magic, I’ll get her as close to me as I can in the time that we have.”

“Yeah and how much time is that exactly?” Bruce asked Thor.  The god sighed and shook his head.

“Heimdall hasn’t given me a sign,” He said, “I’ve asked for one when he knows of the Jotun’s plans from my father.”

“The Yo-ton’s are going to tell your father their plan to attack,” Steve said seriously, “There’s no way.”

“There is,” Thor grinned and pointed Mjolnir at Steve.

“Loki,” Natasha said calmly and Thor turned to her with a wicked smile.

“Yes! See I told you Friday makes them every Monday,” Peter said to me as we stepped into the kitchen.  He snatched two plates that were set out on the counter and handed one to me.  The counter was covered with plates of pancakes, but Peter told me these weren’t regular pancakes.  They were pancakes made by Friday.  That was the explanation I was given, so I didn’t ask further questions.  Popping two on my plate I put some syrup over top of them and looked to Peter who was turned around, his face reading surprised.

“What?” I asked and turned and gasped, alarmed.  The entire team was sitting at one of the tables.

“Who’s scaring who now?” Tony raised his eyebrows at me.

“We totally didn’t see you guys when we came in,” Peter said walking towards them, I followed right behind him.

“Why would you?” Natasha started to smile, her eyes looking between Peter and I.  When I wasn’t looking he shot her a dirty look.

“Oh,” Steve said from somewhere in the back, then laughed under his breath watching the two of them, “I get it.” Natasha looked to him with sarcastic awe.

“Come sit, eat, and get comfy,” Nat said, gesturing to empty chairs beside her.  I slipped in beside Natasha and Peter beside me.

“What were you guys doing?” Steve asked, his eyes waiting for a good answer.  Peter and I looked at one another, confused, then back to Steve.

“Just getting ready,” I said quietly, my eyes drawing to the man who sat beside him.  A man with blue eyes, long brown hair and a metal left arm, “Bucky,” I said without even realizing I was going to say it, it just came out of me.

“Rachel,” He spoke as quietly as I did, and he smiled.

“Sorry,” I shook my head and laughed, “I heard all about you guys yesterday.” I looked around at everyone there.  Thor was grinning something fierce toward me.

“Hi,” I said, smiling back.

“Good morning,” He nodded.

“So?” Steve began to ask, “What have you heard about us?” Peter glanced at me, subtly proud, awaiting my answer.  They were all waiting, actually.  Each one of them looked at me closely.

“Oh... well,” I sat my fork down and let my eyes move around them, “I learned about you two and your past,” I motioned to Bucky and Steve who both looked to their laps with a small smile before composing themselves and sharing a glance, “Bruce... I know, yanno, you’re... green,” I spoke carefully not really knowing what to say.  Peter told me Bruce could be sensitive about Hulk.  He bobbed his head up and down seeming not to care.

“Thor, I heard about Jane,” I lowered my voice.  Everyone looked at him and snickered a bit.  My uncle shook his head, shutting his eyes.

“She was fantastic,” He sighed letting his eyes gaze behind us all.

“Natasha,” I looked to the red head beside me who eyed me cautiously, as if she was not going to be ready to hear what I had to say, “You’ve traveled everywhere... Saving so many people, and you need to be more recognized for that.  These guys are all fancy with their tricks and shit,” I twirled my hands around watching Natasha start to smile, “But you, you do it yourself.” She tossed an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in giving me a shake.

“I like you,” She scrunched her nose happily as the guys tried to debate with what I had said about them, “Uh uh,” Nat held up a finger, “The girls are speaking.”

“What about me?” Tony asked confidently.  He and I hadn’t gotten off on the best foot yesterday.  I heard plenty about him from Peter, because Stark is one of his favorite topics to talk about apparently.  I watched him and tapped on my chest over my heart.

“I heard about this story,” I said just a little louder than a whisper.  The table fell silent.  Tony kept his eyes on me.

“How you pushed a nuclear bomb into space.  What you’ve done to keep this and these people going.  Harley.  Pepper, which congratulations by the way,” I smiled and then let it fall once I saw everyone's faces twist with confusion, “The wedding you’re planning? With Pepper?” I asked hoping someone would catch on.

“What?” Bruce said in shock.

“Oh no,” Peter mumbled from beside me.  My head turned to him, and then back to Tony, and then back to Peter.

“Parker,” Tony said sternly.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark, I didn’t think she’d say anything,” Peter defended.

“Tony, this is so huge for you.  Now we really know why you’ve been on edge,” Bruce said tapping his arm.

“Yes,” Thor chimed in, “First a baby, now a wedding?  You’ve been a busy man!” He cheered.

“A what?” Peter asked quietly.  Tony’s eyes slowly left Thor and found Peter who was looking to Tony with furrowed brows.

“Oh no,” Thor copied Peter's words from before.

“A baby?” Peter asked innocently, “You’re getting... having? A baby?” Natasha turned her head away as did Steve and Bucky.  I watched Peter, whose emotion changed from confused to disappointed.  Thor sat back in his chair while Bruce hung his head, but kept his eyes on the conversation.  Tony glanced all around the room, stumped.  For the first time I believe I was witnessing Tony Stark not know what to say.

“Peter, we can talk about this later,” He finally said after a moment of complete silence.  Peter lowered his head and tangled his hands together.  He took a shallow breath before he stood up calmly, avoiding eye contact with everyone, and took himself out of the room.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered turning to Nat.  I started to stand up to follow Peter, but she took hold of my arm gently and shook her head.

“Let him go,” She whispered back to me, “He’ll be okay.”  Tony was staring at the table with his arms folded across his chest.  He didn’t even react to Peter walking away.  Resting my elbows on the table I narrowed my eyes at him waiting to see if he’d stop him, or go after him, or say anything to him.  Peter was clearly hurt, and after hearing all about how great their relationship is last night I was feeling a little hurt as well.  More like taken back by Tony letting his prodigy walk away from him upset.

“Are you going to just let him go?” I said.  Tony's eyes flickered to me.  He was giving me the same look I was giving him.

“Don’t speak about things you don’t know,” He warned.

“I know that he looks up to you and admires you,” I said, “He said himself yesterday that he’d give his life if it meant saving yours.”  Tony didn’t crack.  Steve was watching me in awe at how I was speaking to him.

“You think I don’t know that?” Tony fired back sitting forward, “Do not think for one second you can come in here and tell me how a boy I’ve been raising for five years feels about me.” His voice was sharp, loud.  I stood my ground, not letting my expression falter once even if I suddenly felt small, my confidence plummeting.  He may have just put me in my place, but I was not going to let him know that.

“You’re just like your father,” He spat, standing to his feet.  Thor sat up straight, and Bruce was ready to calm him down.

“You have no respect.  I invite you into my home, my family, and you have the nerve to step in and interfere with the way things are.  I run the show here, sweetheart.  Don’t think for a second I’ll let you screw it up,” His hands were open flat facing behind him, “You have his blood, so be ready for me to treat you like him if you try anything.”

“That’s it,” Thor shouted jumping up, his chair tipping over behind him.  He raised his hammer and began to aim it toward Tony, but Stark was quick to summon two red and gold blasters from the back.  They flew through the air from somewhere and latched to his hands.  He pointed them to my uncle, a high pitched buzzing sound coming from them which I could only assume was him preparing them for a shot.  They both froze, glaring.  I reached an arm to my right to hold onto one of Natasha’s.  Something I would’ve been nervous to do any other time.  She put a hand on top of mine giving it a pat.

“Come on,” She said gently.  She stood up taking me with her, her hand still holding mine.  When we reached the elevator and stepped inside I turned to find Steve now on his feet talking to the two of them calmly.  Words I couldn’t hear from across the room.

-

“I didn’t mean to start a fight,” I said to Natasha as we walked through the first floor to the backyard Thor took me to yesterday.  She held the door open for me and insisted I walk out first.

“They’ll get over it,” She sighed, “I’m usually the one to break up the weekly fight.” She smiled lightly giving me a glance.

“This happens a lot?” I asked, smiling with her.

“Oh god, yeah it does,” She said, guiding me towards another building across the field.  A group of men and women dressed in identical clothing came jogging by us in formation.  I turned around myself in a circle as I walked to watch them.

“I was the only woman for years before we found Wanda,” Natasha said, “You think with all that testosterone there wouldn’t be any fights?” I laughed and she smiled at me, bigger this time.

We reached the building that was only a story high.  After we climbed up the three steps to the door, Natasha held it open for me again.  Inside there was gym equipment everywhere.  A boxing ring, punching bags hanging from the ceiling and some insane jungle gym looking thing.  And not close to the ones you’d see in a school yard.  It was tall, fitting just below the high ceiling, with wooden pillars that I could assume one would train to jump across.  I looked around the place with wide eyes, impressed with the intensity of these machines yet kind of scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle this.  The only heavy lifting I’ve done is canvases and easels, and the only exercise I’ve done was involuntarily in high school gym class.

There were two other people in here with us, a girl with light brown hair pulled into a ponytail and a man, I presumed, that looked to be all red all over.  They were in the boxing ring, the man calling out things for the woman to try on him.  Natasha and I came up to the edge to watch them.

The woman exercising kicks was beautiful.  She had delicate features and big round eyes.  Looking to the man I tried to make out what he was exactly.  He was red everywhere except where he’d be wearing clothes, that part was a dark blue.  Something was on the center of his forehead.  It was yellow, and bright.  It shone whenever light hit it in the right way.  He was the one to notice Nat and I.

“Natasha,” He said.  The woman stopped what she was doing and turned around, her breath heavy.

“Oh, hi,” She smiled her eyes on me, “How long have you been there?” She asked with a small laugh to Natasha, a hint of a Russian accent in her voice.

“We just came in,” Natasha said, “This is Rachel.” She looked to me, then back to them.  They both gave me a wave.

“How are you?” The man asked, his english accent very prominent, “I’m Vision.  It’s lovely to finally meet you.”

“I’m Wanda,” The woman said, coming close to us, grabbing a water bottle that was in the corner of the ring.  Shaun had mentioned them both at one point I was sure of it, but Peter gave me the run down on them last night.

Wanda was the Scarlet Witch, her powers given to her by the same people that created the Winter Soldier.  She and her twin brother, Pietro, were Russian and were sent to destroy the Avengers, both of them having a grudge against Tony.  They all met in Russia, the Avengers battling Ultron and the twins at once.  It wasn’t until Wanda used her gift to discover Ultron’s true plan that she and her brother turned on him and joined the Avengers.  Unfortunately Pietro didn’t make it out of Russia, but he gave his life to save a member of the team, Hawkeye, and a child civilian.  Vision came from Ultron as well.  His entire being consisted of Tony and Bruce’s mind, Jarvis who was one of Tony’s old AI’s, and a piece of Ultron.  While I knew that Vision wasn’t born the traditional way, I had no idea he wasn’t some sort of human, and there was no mention of the stunning stone on his forehead.

“It’s nice to meet you guys,” I said nodding my head.

“Have you settled in alright?” Vision asked me walking closer, “Those men being nice to you inside?” Instead of slipping between the wires around the rink to come out, Vision levitated up and brought himself down beside me.  My jaw dropping made him smile.

“Uh, yeah, I guess they’re being nice,” I said quietly, stunned by what he was just able to do.

“Miss Rachel I can assure you that this won’t be the strangest thing you will see here,” Vision told me.

“You haven’t seen anyone do anything yet have you?” Natasha asked me, knowing the answer herself, “I think today we can change that, but for now we need to get to work and I need to set up a schedule with you.”

“Ooo,” Wanda sounded excited, “Are we training?” Natasha nodded to her, and slipped between the wires unfortunately unable to fly like Vision.  I stood patiently watching the two women talk with one another like lifelong friends.

Earlier when the team asked me what I’ve heard about their story, I was hesitant to talk about Natasha. I gave her an honest answer, but it wasn’t my first choice.  I learned of her past.  Training in Russia, becoming a spy and essentially an assassin for the group she was a part of.  While she may seem calm and collected now, Peter told me he heard that there was a period of transition for her to get over the trauma she endured, and for her to come to terms with the lives she’s taken.

For a long time she wasn’t welcomed anywhere, but when Nick Fury, the creator of the Avengers, found her and brought her in for work she was finally at home.

Seeing her and Wanda together now I felt happy for them.  They both almost had similar stories with being from Russia, and created and trained to kill.

“You coming up, Rach?” Natasha asked me.  Taking a deep breath I nodded and got myself up there next to her.  Nerves erupted inside of me as I stood beside these powerful women.  I could feel my hands about to shake so I crossed my arms over my chest to keep my composure I didn’t want them to know I was losing.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Natasha said calmly.  Wanda smiled at us both and walked to the edge of the ring where she sat with her bottle of water taking sips from it.  My heart beat got faster as Natasha took a few steps away from me slowly.  Something was coming, and I should probably ask what that was, but my stubbornness to appear confident was far too strong.  I dropped my arms by my side and narrowed my eyes on her as she fell silent.  Suddenly in a matter of seconds she lunged at me with a fist that I dodged and a kick that I squatted down to avoid.  Wanda cheered me on from the corner.

“Okay,” Natasha approved.  I could see her making mental notes.

“I didn’t hit you.  That’s better than Peter on his first go with me,” She said and I laughed out loud with Wanda at the thought of Peter training with Nat and her beating him.  I then was brought back to not even an hour ago when Peter left the table obviously torn up by Tony.

Natasha kicked at me again and hit my shoulder sending me tumbling backward.  It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel good either.  Bringing up a hand to hold where she kicked I stood up and looked to see her smiling smugly.

“Tip number one,” She said, “Don’t get distracted.” Pressing my lips together I felt vaguely embarrassed.  She had brought his name up on purpose.

“You can swing back, don’t be shy,” She grinned, “I can take it, and I need to see what we really need to work on.” I had no clue what to do, but I wanted to at least try to make a good first impression.  Making a fist I hurried towards her, she didn’t move.  I got as close as I could and I swung for her arm, but she quickly and swiftly slid on the floor under me.  Tripping out of fear that I’d step on her I spun around to see if I could swing at her again, but she was quick to grab me around the neck before I could even turn.  She wasn’t squeezing, but I was against her tight with my arms pinned at my sides.  Wanda said something to Natasha, and Nat answered but I wasn’t going to let her distract me.  I followed tip number one.  Trying to free myself from her hold was pointless.  She was so much stronger than me.  I didn’t expect her to let me go, this was a test, and I knew she was only doing it to see what I could do.

Closing my eyes trying to think of something fast, my mind took me back to fifth grade on the playground where a boy would pick on me everyday.  He’d push me over, call me names and sometimes pin me on the ground by my wrists and hover over me.  One day when he was laughing over my face I had had enough, so I pulled my legs in and used all of my strength to kick him hard in his stomach.  Sure enough he was sent flying behind me.  Some of the other kids witnessed this, and I wasn’t bullied again from there on out.

Opening my eyes now I took a deep breath and pulled my knees in, my feet lifting from the ground.  Natasha’s grip was tight enough for her to hold me up here.  Using all of the strength I had in me today I lifted my legs and kicked them behind me getting her just above the knees.  I had caught her off guard to my surprise and she let me go.  Now I was able to turn around and I readied my fists in case she was coming back at me.

“Nice,” Was all she said, “Handle this.” She came at me with two fists flying one after the other.  I ducked in front of her legs and just as she was about to use them to get me I jumped up punching her right in the stomach.  It wasn’t a powerful punch but it was enough for her to praise me.

“When you concentrate you really know how to dodge a hit,” She smirked.  I kept the straight, concentrated look on my face, but I could feel it start to turn to a smile as Natasha and I went on.  We went back and forth with different tactics for about an hour.  She talked me through about half of it, but let me go on my own for the rest.  I didn’t think I was impressive, but Natasha assured me I was better than she thought I’d be.

“You’re not bad,” Wanda said, seeming impressed as she gave me a bottle of water.  I thanked her and sat next to her on the floor drinking from my bottle generously.

“When I first... started,” She began to explain, “I was terrible.”

“At fighting?” I asked, still catching my breath.  I was sweating like mad, my body not used to this type of exertion.  Wanda nodded her head and slowly smiled.

“At all of it,” She said, “The powers I have are so strong.  I was intimidated by the strength I was given, I was out of control.  I didn’t know how to fight, I had never done it before.”  The inside of my body was relieved to hear this, I could feel the instant release of every anxious muscle in me.  I listened to her happily, watching her porcelain complexion tell me this with intent.

“I started with Natasha after Ultron,” Wanda gestured to Nat who was out of the ring now walking towards the door, “Then once I moved on to train with others I found a great partner with Vision.  He gets me.” Pushing my eyebrows together I glanced around the room realizing I never saw him leave.

“Don’t worry he’s always off somewhere,” Wanda giggled, “He’s also not into doors, so beware of the walls.” Her eyes went wide and we both shared a laugh.  It was nice to hear that one of the strongest members on the team struggled when she first joined.  It gave me hope that one day I’d be able to be like her and Natasha.

“So how’d we do?” Steve's voice called out, catching Wanda and I’s attention.  He and Natasha were coming towards us.

“Pretty good for day one,” Wanda reached an arm around me.  Steve smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I love to hear that,” He said, “You’re in good hands here, especially with this one around.”  He pointed to Wanda and Nat agreed with him.

“It felt good to move like that,” I admitted.  Steve was about to say something back to me, but Natasha whispered something to him taking his attention.

“Right,” He said to her, “I was told to come here to tell you that your... Thor wants to spend lunch with you when you’re ready.” I laughed at his avoidance of using the term uncle and thanked him for telling me.

“Come on,” Wanda said standing up.  She held out a hand for me to grab and helped me to my feet with a single pull.

“Let’s get you showered,” She said and I followed her out of the ring and out of the building.

[spnreactionblogging]

DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

[nightshade-zoe]

AWAE 3x06 Commentary

Matthew’s Radish ❤️❤️

Anne has a cold and she’s baking a cake. . .uh oh (for context in the books she tries to bake a cake for the minister’s wife at tea but she puts liniment flavoring instead of vanilla because of a cold).

Wow her hair is so glossy and the loose braids are 😘

Is Matthew going to have a heart attack ....oh no

Holy **** that radish is huge

She smashed the vanilla and yes they’re definitely going the book storyline.

No Anne please ask someone to smell the bottle 😣

I live for Bash sass.

Okay so I’m like a little bit whiplashed here. Last episode we saw Gilbert just suggesting winnie visit. How have they been communicating? Have they been on that many tea dates? It seems like they only saw each other four or five times after their first “date”. But I guess it’s been two months since then.

“But your mother wasn’t skittish” I’m dead.

No he hasn’t settled on Winnie. Does this mean Bash knows about Anne? She’s “easy to be with” okay I guess it makes sense Gilbert is stressed about constantly feeling things for Anne.

“Fond enough to marry her?” Bash literally slipped that in because Gilbert was talking about marriage last week.

“Winifred doesn’t have such expectations” dude you’re meeting her parents in the 1890s of course she does.

Gilbert you literally were considering marriage last week.

Josie doesn’t want to create a scandal yet her mother seems to be pushing her to it??

Anne crying over Mary my heart it can’t ❤️❤️❤️

Poor Anne is so flustered because she wants to not look like a mess in front of her crush. So relatable.

Gilbert, do you see any onions???

It’s interesting they showed this scene between Gilbert and Matthew when we barely have their interactions. Gilbert is denying it’s a special occasion when we’ve just seen him freaking out about his appearance.

The framing of Anne by the window is gorgeous. Also this episode seems designed the humiliate Anne every way possible.

Why is she sneaking out to go to Diana’s??

She’s going to confess to Diana isn’t she. This seems like really fast development for Anne who has recently been like I am the Bride of Adventure.

Yikes Minnie May overhearing this and finding Jerry’s gift.

I think it’s interesting and important (because even though I’m sure this episode will be painful) Anne’s crush is very much romanticized and infatuated. While I’m unsure about her realizing her feelings this early, the comparison to Mr. Darcy, the reference to novels seems in character even if the fact it’s Gilbert is sudden.

Can someone make a gif set of all the Cuthberts straightening up in front of a mirror.

Wow Anne really jumped to daisies. I definitely feel like they’re trying to do the whole dramatic teenager I LOVE THIS BOY AND WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HIM angst rather than set up her real love for him yet.

THE FOAL IS SO CUTE ❤️

Dellie and Bash ❤️ also oh my goodness he was knitting yellow socks for her.

Noooo Gilbert don’t belittle yourself. You’re an orphan and are incredible. Anne’s an orphan and she is too.

“can’t cook”.

How has Anne recovered from her cold this fast also?

They’re definitely going up in the hot air balloon.

Subtle reminder Ka’kwet is still in hell and we need to get her out.

There’s a stiltswalker. I literally wrote that into my fanfic.

I’m so scared about this cake but at least it will look beautiful.

Wow Rachel not making me mad for once ❤️

What is this ear pulling Matthew?

Also omg the white grub reference I can’t get over the throwback.

The fortuneteller and the smoke haha. I feel like this Anne would have more sense than to believe in fortune telling though?? I agree the daisy was more helpful but this is clearly just meant to amplify Anne’s infatuation.

It’s interesting that they spent so much time on how the fortune teller is clearly a fraud.

Diana please pay attention to and comfort Anne.

Aghhh I clowned myself I was right Diana was leaving because of something related to Jerry’s family but also they made Anne look this devastated over Winnie.

Also ugh it’s such a trope to have her see Gilbert help Winnie when she stumbles.

But also the handkerchief book signaling Derry thing was so well done.

The Rachel/Stacy development has been interesting also wow the shooting.

It’s interesting we have Prissy who is super feminist and advanced, Billy who’s a sexist pig, and Jane who is still figuring things out.

Wait so Mrs. Barry and Winnie are the only two people I’ve seen with parasols. I’m guessing it’s a status symbol? Something only rich people carry?

I hope Minnie May has her own storyline. She does reappear in a later episode.

DIANA A QUEEN I LOVE I SCREAMED. THEY KISSED.

But I feel like we definitely will see some sort of rift/problem given how fast this has been accelerating.

Also the musical theme for them (which also played during the scene by Diana’s house where Jerry quotes Frankenstein) is so so beautiful

No, Anne don’t go back to the fortuneteller.

Why is Gilbert so condescending about Queens? Also he’s not admitting that the Sorbonne is a dream because of money. Instead it’s the impression he thinks he won’t get in.

I’m learning so much about Winifred’s dad and yet I still know nothing about her. I hate when characters are so one dimensional.

“Can we PLEASE just enjoy the day” paralleling Gilbert earlier saying he’s just going to try and enjoy the day

What is this ear pulling thing we have now seen Matthew, Jack, Thomas Lynde, and Nigel Rose do.

Why do Gilbert and Mr. Rose pronounce Sorbonne so differently?

Couple points on Winnie. She seems to represent the part of Gilbert that was never content with the small town life and now also the part of him that is tired of fighting with Anne. So she really has been boiled down to whether he will choose an easy life with connections but no fire or Anne who makes his life incredibly complicated but extremely lovely.

Also it was interesting that they again paralleled Winnie stumbling with Josie stumbling earlier this season. (Post episode addendum her Mr. Bones scene weirdly foreshadowed Josie’s situation)

I swear Gilbert just visibly hesitated to introduce them to Bash. Also they really are making them out to be the perfect family which rings the alarm bells that either they are not or all they’re meant to do is be a foil for Gilbert’s current life/affections.

Okay it seems really extreme to have Anne call Gilbert her true love. Like I get they are trying to emulate teenagers but Anne is not like this and we already did this with Ruby.

“I want to believe you that it was true that someone could look at me that way. I never even dared to hope before” this hurts so much because we have seen how much Gilbert adores Anne. But also it hurts because Anne has just been able to accept family love and shes been told her whole life no one will ever want her. I’m crying.

But also I think it’s very important that this is a very idealized crush and is definitely emulating teenage fancies and the real realization from Anne will be much different.

I love all the eye/I puns and how this fortune teller goes against herself and decides to comfort Anne because Anne is just endearing like that. I think we’re supposed to simultaneously feel Anne’s pain while also being amused at the melodrama

Oh no they’re really doing this with the cakes.

Your schoolmate Gilbert? Really??? At least say she’s a friend.

I know they’re trying to make Winnie seem really nice but it’s strange she asks how Anne spells her name. It’s like it’s meant to add more weight to the visual way in which we see Anne comparing herself to Winnie.

Bash is so amused by the Winifred Anne meeting. I guess it’s also important Gilbert has told Bash about Winnie but still keeps his feelings for Anne a secret (even though they aren’t)

This cake thing bothers me so much. There was no need to take a relatively funny book scene, humiliate Anne in front of a large group of people and add to the already massive embarrassment she feels by having Gilbert and Winifred both be there. This episode just really was out to get Anne

Hmm so I think it’s definitely telling that Gilbert’s automatic instinct was to run after Anne to comfort her and he definitely looks upset when she runs off but I also don’t think he was super helpful. He clearly doesn’t get why she’s upset and also Mary would’ve been more likely to run after Anne and console her. I miss Mary.

Anne no ❤️ she’s hiding under the exhibit she was looking at with such wonder earlier.

Really? They couldn’t even let Matthew win. This is an adorable adorable scene between them though.

Matthew, Marilla how do neither of you realize Anne is upset because Gilbert is walking around with a super high class, beautiful girl.

The music when they get into the balloon is the same as Anne visiting Ka’kwet the first time + Gilbert taking the flower + Derry walking home the first time = new adventures?

Marilla on point “we are literally going to hell in a hand basket” “before I die, fly”

Yes Anne embracing her uniqueness ❤️

This is the most beautiful and joyous scene this episode and the music is excellent (ive definitely heard it’s before but I don’t remember which episodes). Well it plays when Marilla and Rachel head off to the oculist and Marilla tells Anne not to get into trouble

It’s beautiful seeing how Matthew and Marilla have grown due to Anne. This balloon ride is like symbolic of their relationship.

Passing over the first part of the dance scene which is clearly just an inverted love triangle from the last episode . .though Gilbert does look over at Anne after the dance ends...he also looks uncomfortable in certain shots with Winnie

I guess also “Seems like you’ve done this before” “I can’t hear you” parallels the first tea scene a bit.

I’m frustrated Ruby is basically the exact same just with a different boy who I guess at least shows interest in her

Also Anne dancing with Charlie >.<

It’s really effective that the scene with Billy and Josie is outside in the dark compared to the bright barn but also that you can hear the dance music and it seems garish and grotesque. Also FUCK BILLY ANDREWS.

Props to Anne for noticing something is off :-/

They do a good job portraying how rumors are spread fast and also twisted because it goes to people saying they saw billy and Josie

Hit him Anne HIT HIM . . .okay I guess I’m satisfied with yelling. Also I would like to point out everyone else looks shocked and confused.

I guess I understand why the other girls don’t get it given their different experiences but SIGHS. Also Diana constantly freaking out about Jerry when no one knows what she’s talking about

No Gilbert this is important

Okay but Anne’s references. Whose CABBAGE IS BIGGER. You don’t need a CRYSTAL BALL. Clearly salty about the fortuneteller and Matthew’s loss.

Oof she’s clearly jealous but also angry for her friend and I get that Gilbert doesn’t like being yelled at but also for him to just shake his head as if this is a normal Anne tantrum

Peep Gilbert looking back at Anne twice

Moody the mediator. I like the effect of everyone’s voices blurring together and fading

YES ANNE ACTIVIST WRITING but also im so scared about the potential backlash. I really hope they treat this story carefully because I’m so worried about Josie and Anne now and so so mad at Billy

[acrcsstheuniversee]

Good Enough For Me

Pairing: Paul McCartney circa 1962 x John Lennon circa 1978 (McLennon)

Rating: Mature, readers 18+

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of porn and sex work

Words in this chapter: 1800+

Author’s Note:

Here it is! Refer to my summary and introduction post if you haven’t done so for more disclaimers, visuals, tag list info, and more.

*Disclaimer: I do not own The Beatles. This is fiction and written for leisure. Aspects of the story will not be historically accurate and should not be taken extremely seriously.

Chapter 1

Already a month into the semester, Paul found himself struggling to keep up with his studies. He tried his best to focus on typing an essay on the history of guitars that’s due the next day by 10 a.m. but just couldn’t get himself to do it. Not like it was hard or anything; he just hated doing what he’s told, especially if it was something he didn’t care about. He just wanted to do music but having a degree is a necessity now.

He pressed the home button on his cracked phone screen to see that it was already midnight. He was only half way done with the assignment that could’ve taken him only 30 minutes if he wasn’t writing songs in between paragraphs.

It was all too much anyways. American universities have much more homework assignments than back in England. Times like these made him question whether or not going out of the country for school was worth it. There almost seemed like there were more cons than pros in his decision. He lacked resources, he didn’t have any friends or family here except his roommate/best friend George, he was poorer than ever, and must work and attend school part-time. If he stayed in Liverpool and just continued school locally, he probably would’ve earned his degree by now; but now he’s what Americans consider a “super senior” because he’s 21 years old with the amount of classes completed equivalent to a third year student. Despite the struggle, all of it was better than his father dictating his every move. 

He shut his laptop, giving up on the assignment and leaned back into his desk chair, rubbing his tired droopy eyes.

He had two classes and work tomorrow. The thought of them made him roll his eyes. Music history from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m., a business class he couldn’t remember the name of from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., and work right after at a restaurant nearby as a dishwasher, and occasionally performer if the artist they booked cancelled that night.

He yawned as he got up and slide into his bed. Before shutting his eyes, he turned his head and looked directly across the tiny dorm room to his right to see his childhood best friend and roommate, George Harrison sound asleep.

Paul really needs to take a note out of George’s book and sleep earlier. These late nights are just stressing him out more and more.

***

“Paul….. PAUL! Get up!”

Paul jolted up right when a sudden raised voice rang in his ear. His eyes met George’s signature judgemental look. One of his thick brows cocked and his lips curved awkwardly. He was already ready to go to class.

“Ah, what time is it?”

“9:30. I woke you up 30 minutes before hand because I just know you aren’t going to get up to the 9:45 alarm unless you expect to make it to your first class in 15 minutes,” George teased.

George is a pain in the ass and a know-it-all, but Paul loved him dearly. He comes off mean sometimes but Paul knows it’s just because he’s younger and feels the need to prove himself. Paul was used to it after all this time but sometimes, that boy needs to know when his criticisms cross the line. Despite being a dick sometimes, they’re both grateful to be going to the same college together. It was one in a million chances for George to land the same US college as Paul just a year after Paul’s acceptance.

“Okay, whatever. You have a point, I guess.” Paul groaned and rolled out of bed. 

“I know I do, ha. I’ll see you later.” George messed up his friend’s darkhair more than it already was, making Paul swat his hand away.

When George left, Paul finally got ready and headed off to class with his incomplete essay.

Everyone was already seated and the professor was setting up today’s powerpoint lecture when he finally arrived. Paul sat down in the back where he’s been since the beginning of the semester. It hasn’t been a problem until a girl started to sit near him everyday since last week. When group or partnered work was assigned, she would often ask him to join her. She was kind, but Paul knew she liked him. She couldn’t make it less obvious. They would make small talk here and there---just about classes and hobbies. She was also very good at piano just as Paul was, but not too good on guitar though she claims to be.

He felt her looking at him, making him turn his head to find out he was right. She just smiled and waved. Paul nodded and gave her a small smile in return, trying not to show too much emotion, afraid she would like that too much. She already had the wrong idea but he didn’t want to be mean about it. Paul was not interested in the slightest and, he was gay. Found that out in high school and hasn’t been too shy about it since then. 

When class ended, Paul left immediately to his second class to avoid conversation with anyone. This next one was business related which is something he also could care less about. He was a bit behind in this one too, but this time, he truly didn’t understand the material. He definitely needed a tutor soon.

Not much happened other than him writing mini poems all over his in-class assignment. He didn’t even bother erasing any of it before turning it in at the end of class.

Paul sighed as he made himself to his busboy job right off campus. Before stepping inside, he felt his phone vibrate. It was his dad. Ugh, he thought but answered.

“I’m about to go into work, Dad. What is it?”

“Well, hello to you too. I was just wondering how the first month in the states have been. I haven’t heard from you.”

“It’s fine.”

“Just fine? Have you got a chance to tour places? You should send me photos.”

“No and no. I don’t want you to be sending the pictures to your friends as if you helped me get here. I know you do that.”

Paul heard his father sigh.

“Just text me when you get home and tell George I said hi.”

“Okay, bye.” Paul said before hanging up and walking into his shift.

It seemed harsh but his dad was a selfish prick. He loves to be in control of everything. He was the reason Paul came to the states to study. All he wanted was to ride the wave of success his two sons have been achieving.

In all truthfulness, Paul stopped believing his dad’s bullshit after mom died about 6 years ago. His dad seemed to have lost his way but Paul couldn’t be around all the time if he had a dream to follow. It’s been rough without his mom around but Paul had to do what he was right for him, even if that meant getting away from his dad which is something even she would’ve supported.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how irritating school and his dad were during his shift. The rude coworkers and customers didn’t help his case at all. This wasn’t new though. Paul was used to working constantly in some shape or form. The only problem this time is that he needed more money now that he’s completely independent from his father.

“Hey, busboy!” his boss called out to the dishroom from the back office. Paul rolled his eyes and went to see what he wanted.

“Yes?”

“I have to cut your hours in half. Here is your new schedule. You’re off now, so don’t wash another dish.”

“In half?” Paul took the schedule and saw that his income now would not suffice his monthly tuition payments, let alone some money for necessities. “You’ve got to be shitting me. Why?”

“We can’t afford to pay you. I’m sorry, kid.” he said nonchalantly.

“Will I be able to perform sometimes still?”

“Ehh, sure.” he said as he continued his paperwork, not even looking at Paul.

Paul rolled his eyes again. Could his life get any more annoying? He let out a sigh and clocked out. Now what, he thought making his way home.

When he got home George was playing his computer games with his big headphones to fit on his large ears. The younger man didn’t even notice his friend come in until one side of his headphones was pulled and slapped against his head.

“Hey!” George readjusted himself then paused his game to face Paul with his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“My hours got slashed.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope, hah.”

George frowned.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Are you going to find another job?” 

“Well, I’m going to have to because I will not be asking my dad for help.” Paul said as changed into his pajamas and hopped onto his bed.

George sighed. Paul just stared at his friend for a moment, not knowing what to say. This was bad news for both of them. George didn’t have the same financial issues as Paul did. He only had enough for himself. If George could help, he would---and Paul knew he would.

“I’ll think of something, George. Don’t worry.” Paul got under the covers and listened to his friend shut off his computer and lights before hopping into bed as well.

He stared at the ceiling and sighed, then began to think about all the ways he can make money quickly but none of it would be fast enough to pay his next tuition bill. He rubbed his eyes. It was beginning to stress him out the more he thought of it and he just wanted it to all stop for a second.

Ah fuck it, he thought before whipping out his phone and started to scroll through his favorite porn blog on Tumblr. What better way to forget about things than looking at some sexy pictures of guys?

Paul scrolled until he ran into a post that was by a male sex worker selling nude photos and thought hard to himself. It was a young guy about his age selling his photos for $25 a piece and a private snapchat story for $5 per friend request and $15 extra for screenshot privileges.

Paul bit his lip nervously. It’s been a couple years since he did sex work. All he did was some cam work, sold some nude photos, and made customized videos for people on the internet. He remembered enjoying it but there was always the parts he hated that made the job extremely draining like any other job.

He laid there staring at the screen. He must admit, it was tempting to dive in again but he was afraid what George would think.

“George… Maybe I should go back into sex work…” Paul said suddenly.

George didn’t reply. He just snored in in response. That bastard.

Paul sighed and continued to scroll through sex work blogs, inspired by the possibilities until he slowly drifted to sleep.

-

Tag list:

@nowandthenoldfriend

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS episode 8 commentary (Yu)

So, in my opinion, I think the episodes we’ve seen up until now could be more or less enjoyed to the fullest by newcomers and/or people who haven’t seen Rainbow Live. 

But from here on out, there is a notable change. And I really mean from here on out: Episodes 8 - 12 basically require having seen Pretty Rhythm Rainbow Live to be fully understood I think. 

So if you watched this episode and thought wait.... why did they just skip over Yu’s backstory like that!?!

Two words: Rainbow Live. 

Anyway let’s get started.

I’m surprised the subber knew the correct spelling to ViviC Heart Session. That takes.... research!? ....Wait, it’s in the credits. Still, that’s some non-linear translation. 

Also I kinda wonder when and where ViviC Heart Session came from in canon. Yeah it’s the Pride the Hero ending, but there is a whole story on how they made and performed Dramatic Love for the Christmas concert, but nothing on ViviC Heart Session as far as I know. 

If you’re wondering why they’re all acting so weird, there have already been not one but TWO different story arcs in the Prism Rush Main Story about Yu ambitiously deciding to write songs and biting off way more than he could chew ahah.... 

They know. 

So this kinda dates this episode? Sort of? Despite the way it seems in episode 1, clearly the Prism One doesn’t take place right after it was announced ahah. 

The way Yu says this line makes me think it’s probably been a month or so already. 

So maybe it was announced in July-August (episode 1 takes place in “summer”), and happened in September-October, something like that?

So like literally JUST as I was thinking to myself “wow the subs have really gotten better in this episode....” THIS had to happen... How dare you translate Taiga’s “IT’S A FESTIVAL” as “party time”................

Oh well. Honestly though, aside from this, this episode has the best subs so far, BY FAR. 

Been wondering for months how they would sub MUGEN HABUUUUUU because I had no idea how I would do it myself ahah.

Although they don’t state it explicitly, it’s pretty clear this episode takes place in Okinawa. Among many other things, I think it’s the only place in Japan with habu. 

I may or may not have thought way too hard for too long about how Taiga and Kakeru ended up in this boat together. 

I mean I would like to think Taiga chose Kakeru as his partner in good faith that they could work well together. 

BUT KAKERU ISN’T EVEN ROWING COME ON 

HE’S JUST ENJOYING THE VIEW

THE VIEW BEING TAIGA IF YOU DIDN’T GET MY DRIFT

I suppose it could have been random pairs, but Shin and Leo also ended up together and that seems not random ahah. Speaking of which...

When I saw this episode for the first time I saw it as a 3-pack with Leo’s episode coming right before (the theatrical Part 3). So I had just gone though Leo’s episode for the first time and all the baggage that came with it less than 10 minutes earlier. 

And needless to say I was VERY MUCH NOT OVER IT AND EXPERIENCING VERY HIGH EMOTIONS ABOUT LEO

So during this scene I was like like

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MY SONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

SAVE HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It actually took me until at least my second or third viewing to catch Kakeru trying to take a selfie with Taiga in the background there and I lost my shit. 

BTW I just want to mention that ViviC Heart Session was made for this episode. Well yes I know it wasn’t literally made for this episode, but it’s always sounded tropical for me and it just could not be more perfect.

I have been wondering for months what Taiga says here and I’m still not sure. (Not that I think this subtitle is wrong, but I mean I can’t make out the Japanese he uses. I just know folks in the theater laugh about it. Or they could just be laughing at Taiga’s method of escaping from Yu.)

Me at cheering: “IT’S SHIN. PICK UP.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

I wonder if like, they all got together and tried to figure out who Yu was least likely to hang up on.

But seriously though

WHO COULD EVER HANG UP ON SHIN

YOU MONSTER 

I said once that Jin was the best voicework in SSS, but Taiga man I dunno. Taiga is up there too. This scream is just so..... BRILLIANT..........

My reaction here changes from “OMG TAIGA ARE YOU OK” to just laughing hysterically. Sometimes in the same showing. Taiga I’m sorry. 

My new desktop background.

Seriously this episode is just SO BEAUTIFUL. 

Such a simple plot, but such amazing atmosphere and visuals that really take it SO MUCH FURTHER.

If I stopped to take screenshots of everything I thought looked amazing this post would never end. So just know I’m definitely thinking it. Just goddamn. 

For a long time I wondered how and why Minato found about about this.

But then I realized it actually makes a lot of sense.

So remember in my last post when I talked about my theory that Minato and Yu probably joined Edel Rose at the same time? Well, when Yu met Leo, basically the first thing he did was brag about knowing Over the Rainbow. So he probably did the same to Minato, and/or Minato just noticed him being way too friendly with Kouji. 

Considering Minato entered Edel Rose FOR KOUJI there is no way he wouldn’t notice that and wonder about it. 

So one day he probably worked up the courage to ask Kouji about it, and.....

Oh boy. 

BTW if you’re thinking huh? Yu’s family was separated? What? 

See: The Ito/Kouji plot in Rainbow Live. (And bring tissues.)

Just the comparison of how fast he picks up here. Even though the first thing he does is complain to her it’s like.... HALF A SECOND from when he sees it’s Ito to when he answers omg..... 

So I kinda questioned this subtitle here. Because the literal Japanese is just him saying “IT’S LATE!” 

So I always thought he meant it like “Do you know what time it is!?”

But then I thought about it some more. And I remembered the Rose Party 2018 event, where the voice actors played a game where they all decided new aspects of the characters. And one of the things that were tasked with deciding (at the afternoon performance I believe) was what Yu does every night before he goes to bed. And one of the answers was “discusses life problems with Ito”. 

So, maybe Ito does call Yu every night so he had been waiting on a call from her for a while.... 

And if so, in that context this subtitle is spot on. 

You win, Crunchyroll. 

Cheering audience: “THAT WAY”

Yu was so impressive Kakeru stopped taking pictures of Taiga for a full minute. 

DID I MENTION THIS EPISODE IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL 

But so like. As soon as they started heading up the hill. Like practically from when they called his name, I was like..... Yu’s gonna cry. 

So then it was many long, long seconds of anticipation.....

until finally this.....

And I was not disappointed. 

Of all the beautiful things in this episode, I think the most beautiful thing may just be Yu’s crying animation here. He’s such a beautiful crier. 

I love this scene so much. It brings me so much joy. Because he’s not crying because he’s hurt or sad. 

He’s crying because he realized he has friends. 

HE’S CRYING BECAUSE HE HAS FRIENDS

YU

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

You know, I didn’t even realize Taiga was hiding behind Kakeru until someone in the stream pointed it out.

Am I an asshole because this is Yu’s episode but most of my favorite moments involve Taiga/Kakeru. 

HUG HIM

HUG HIMMMMMM

OH MY GAWD I have NEVER so desperately wanted to reach through the screen and hug an anime character

Also Leo always cries when anyone else is crying. 

I spent so much time looking at Kakeru and Minato that I didn’t even realize Taiga too..... They’re BOTH sleeping on top of Minato omg.....

Also I can’t help but laugh that Leo is the big spoon on Shin. But it doesn’t surprise me. If you read Prism Rush stuff, Leo aggressively cuddling Shin in his sleep is nothing new.

Damn but. Okay so like, another way in which seeing this episode right after Leo’s influenced me is, during Leo’s episode I kept thinking about what PriPara coords were closest to the outfits that the boys were wearing and how I was totally gonna record arcade videos with them. 

And then we get to this and I was like OH MAN I can’t wait until that outfit comes out so I can put it on my character.... then I was like.... WAIT.....

And I realized this is basically the only idol anime I watch currently where I can’t have the clothes and I was like......... ahhhh.... not fair..........

Seriously though it is kind of odd. For me anyhow.

But also because they don’t have to worry about an arcade game for King of Prism, they have a lot more freedom. Like in a show like this, usually all the important coords that season will all uniformly have wings or holograms or otherwise follow some kind of a theme.

But with this it’s like... WHATEVER. Give Yu a huge floaty cross?? SURE WHY NOT!!!! ahah......

PRISM LIIIIVE

Okay so I know this animation is straight from Rainbow Live. 

But this lightning guitar here, it’s a recolor of Sara’s guitar from PriChan isn’t it?

And if it is, this’s the first/only specifically PriChan (not PriPara) reference I know of in SSS.

So I guess the Prism System doesn’t score Prism Lives for boys yet, huh....?

So one Prism Live + one jump = this. 

But I suppose you could also argue that although Yu’s show was super personal and meaningful to him, he really didn’t do much for the audience did he? (The in-universe audience I mean, as it did plenty for me haha.) It was a rather street-style show in that aspect when you think about it. 

Oh well, I guess no matter what someone has to be last................................

Ah man anyway this episode.

So when I saw it for the first time, it actually didn’t leave that much of an impression on me. But that’s because it was a bit overshadowed by how EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT I was from Leo’s episode, and then I ended up leaving the theater thinking about the um, surprise that’s gonna happen next week in Alexander’s episode. So this episode kinda fell by the wayside. 

I was actually kinda jealous of how much you guys in the stream were freaking out about it. It really made me wish I had the chance to see it independently without the influence of Leo and Alexander. There are definitely advantages to watching these week-to-week instead of in odd bunches. 

Because the more I watched it, the more I really REALLY liked it, and now I think it’s probably my third favorite character episode after Taiga’s and Leo’s. (Or maybe even second. I keep flip-flopping.)

I was also a bit blindsided by how this episode didn’t really follow the normal formula. Since they skipped over Yu’s backstory, they had time for other things. They had time for, dare I say it... “filler”? By that I mean, time to focus on just the boys being boys. Although it’s something we get a lot of on Prism Rush, I realized it’s something we have been severely lacking in the movies and anime. Another big difference between this series and typical Pretty Series/Aikatsu-type anime (other than not being able to have the coords......) is the lack of filler, and I realized how truly valuable it can be. This episode is just such a jewel. 

So in between last week and this week I picked up a magazine (spoon 2Di vol. 50) with director commentary, and this was the last episode he commented on. 

He said this episode is about Yu going through his “rebellious phase”, which he never had the chance to have when he was younger since his family split up during such an important part of his childhood and he felt he had to be strong for his mom and all that. 

So instead he goes through it with his Edel Rose family.

GAAAAAH

Probably my favorite thing about Yu is how we’re able to see him gradually grow and change more than any other character I think. 

Who would have though that little boy we met in Hokkaido would get this far......

So next up is Alexander’s episode and um....

You may have noticed me talking significantly less about that episode that I have about others. And there’s a reason for that. And it’s not because I have nothing to say about it......

The events in Alexander’s episode basically set off a continuity train until the end of the series. IMHO it doesn’t matter what order you watch episodes 2-8 in, but from here on out it’s definitely all connected. 

So basically what I’m trying to get at is.... um.... g..... get emotionally ready for some future cliffhangers. I’m sorry. 

Also, your last chance to properly prepare by watching Rainbow Live.... you won’t be disappointed, I promise....... 

[metalandmagi]

March Media Madness!

Hello and welcome to the post where I talk about all the movies, books, and TV I consumed this month in my seemingly never ending quest to shout my feelings into the void. And oh boy all the winter anime is ending so I feel dead inside.

*puts on sunglasses* Let’s do this.

Movies!

Bohemian Rhapsody: The one about Queen Freddie Mercury. And it’s pretty good. It’s a little weird seeing a biopic of a band with literally no struggles getting into the industry, and I wouldn’t say it does wonders for the negative stereotypes about bisexuals...but who cares because if you’re watching this movie, it’s because you just want to sing along to some Queen songs and see some big hair! 8/10

How to Train Your Dragon- The Hidden World: The third and final installment in the How to Train Your Dragon trilogy, in which Dreamworks pulls a Butterfree on us, but at least we get a happy ending. This franchise holds a special place in my heart for so many reasons, and I’m glad that this one stuck the landing. Each movie has its own specific feeling and message, and they all advance the story in unique ways. Apart from being beautifully animated and hilarious, it also packs the big emotional punch we all were expecting and ends on a satisfying note overall. But it’s still not perfect. The other riders are at their most useless by far, and this is coming from someone who never really minded them before. They’re a lot more irritating if you’ve watched the tv series and can see how they can be useful. And Astrid really only provides emotional support instead of her usual ass-kicking. The villain was...fine...but he didn’t really pack much of a punch. And I really wished they had kept some sort of continuity and embraced the television series (I NEED A DAGUR CAMEO)! But these are mostly small things. If you haven’t given this franchise a try yet, please give it a chance! 9/10

Ralph Breaks the Internet: The poorly named sequel to Wreck It Ralph, in which Ralph and Venelope must travel to the internet to save Sugar Rush and keep the game characters from becoming homeless. It’s a fine follow up, but it definitely doesn’t have the same impact the first one did. There’s a heck of a lot going on in this movie, and it feels like it tried to do too much in terms of plot and character arcs in favor of sacrificing the humor from the first movie. And I really miss Felix and Calhoun. But there are a lot of good things about it too. Everything the Disney princesses do is pure gold, Shank is amazing, and there is a ton of effort put into building the world of the internet. I’m sure it will be pretty dated in a couple years, but it’s not just a quick cash grab full of name dropping and references (even though Disney seems like it wants it to be). It’s still worth checking out. 7.5/10

A Quiet Place: A family must survive in a world where deadly alien monsters that are attracted to sound have invaded the planet. I am the world’s biggest wimp when it comes to scary movies, and even I was interested enough in the premise to want to see this movie. And yes it’s amazing! The performances are all incredibly moving and believable, we get good representation of a Deaf character, the sound design is so creative it should be used in film classes, and it tells a thrilling and heart wrenching family story in only an hour and a half. I think I liked it because the focus wasn’t on the monsters just going around killing people. It’s about a family and what parents will do for their children. People like to say there’s a ton of plot holes, but if you actually think about them for more than five seconds, you’ll see there’s really nothing to pick apart because their decisions all make sense in the end.

My only question is about the cochlear device the daughter (Regan) uses. Was the dad (Lee) trying to make a new cochlear implant? Did Regan already have the internal component implanted in her cochlea? Had she been using one since before the monsters came? Did it break earlier because of the monsters’ connection with electromagnetic waves? Because if not...CIs don’t really work like that. I’m just confused about that situation. But that’s kind of nitpicky when this movie is still amazing. Even if you hate horror movies, I’d highly suggest it simply because of how creative its production is. 9/10

Mary Poppins Returns: It’s exactly what it sounds like...Mary Poppins returns to help the now adult children of the Banks family with the help of Lin Manuel Miranda. It’s fun, but it definitely goes on too long. Though I appreciate Emily Blunt putting her own spin on the character. Odds are if you like the original, you’ll probably like this too. 8/10

Fantastic Beasts- The Crimes of Grindelwald: The second movie in the Harry Potter prequel-verse, where Grindelwald basically becomes wizard Hitler and Newt is more concerned with winning Tina back then saving the world. Okay...this movie is not great. Structurally it’s a mess, the fun is being sucked out of the wizarding world, the characters make decisions that don’t align with previous behavior and make no logical sense, and there really is just the bare bones of a plot. There are also several characters that don’t need to be there and are just thrown in for fanservice (for now anyway). I found myself constantly saying how things don’t work like that and asking why things are happening. But even so, there are still good things about it. Visually it’s...fantastic. Jude Law makes a good young Dumbledore, and even Johnny Depp embodies what I always imagined Grindelwald at the height of his power would be like...I just wish it wasn’t Johnny Depp. I also wish it had more humor, because what was there was funny. It’s really just a transition film, which proves this franchise should never have been five movies, and Rowling should have focused on a Marauders era series or on young Dumbledore and Grindelwald. You just have to form your own opinion. 6.5/10

Maquia- When the Promised Flower Blooms: An immortal girl becomes a teen mom to an orphaned baby after her clan is killed. It’s basically a high fantasy version of Wolf Children. I honestly don’t know what to think about this movie. It does the family relationships so well and really drives home what it means to be a parent. However, its setting really throws me out of the movie because it tries to focus so much on the politics and background of this world without really succeeding. And because it is about a baby growing up, the pacing is so fast it will give you whiplash. But it is beautifully filmed and animated, and I would have bawled my eyes out at the ending if I wasn’t so distracted by how much I didn’t like the other characters and things that were happening at the castle. So...yeah, it’s a well animated, hard hitting movie that will probably mean more to parents overall. I just wish it was a TV series or a trilogy or something other than a two hour film. 7.5/10

Free Solo: A National Geographic documentary covering Alex Honnold, a man who is attempting to climb up the 900 meter side of El Capitan at Yosemite national park...without ropes or safety equipment. Yes, this is an incredible feat and the actual climbing portions are gripping and super intense. But personally, I found who Alex is as a person much more fascinating...and not necessarily in a positive way. Honestly, he can be a jerk. This sounds horrible to say considering he’s a real person and he’s doing something amazing, but seriously watch this movie and tell me this man is not one step away from being a sociopath. It’s completely understandable why he thinks the way he thinks, but it’s not exactly healthy for the other people in his life. I would be just as interested to see a two hour therapy session with him as I was with his climbing. Anyway, if you love gorgeous scenery and butt-clenching thrills with a side of psychologically interesting perspectives, watch this on the biggest screen possible. 8/10

The Matrix: REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM, BUY GOLD BYE

Yeah I’d never seen The Matrix, but I really didn’t expect it to be EXACTLY like the Oto arc in Tsubasa Chronicles. It’s too long, Neo’s an incredibly flat protagonist (but I feel like that’s on purpose to serve some sort of self-insert fantasy), and it seems like a YA dystopian fantasy series from 2013...but in an endearing sort of way. And hey it’s got a lot of cool slow motion fighting and neat body horror if you’re into that sort of thing. 7/10

Books!

Dry by Neal and Jarrod Shusterman: What happens when California literally just runs out of water one day? A group of teens go on an apocalyptic field trip to find some of course! I’ve only read one other Neal Shusterman series before, but I’m sensing a pattern of how well Shusterman can propose a theoretical question and then build an entire world around it. And this duo knows how to cover as many bases as possible because every time I ask a question about how something world work, the authors answer it almost immediately. This is a great story with very well written characters, and it even has a small hilarious twist in the end that makes you completely rethink everything about one of the characters. Most importantly it doesn’t follow the Scythe series’ formula of terribly written romance. However...it’s definitely a major bummer. It’s very interesting to think about, and it’s a roller coaster of a story...but the roller coaster only goes down and makes you want to scream all the time. If you like books that make you question human behavior and society, definitely check it out, but get ready to start hoarding all the water you own. 8/10

Jackass!: Okay this one’s a manga, but I’m still counting it. Honestly I don’t even know how to describe the plot...there’s two boys...there’s pantyhose...there’s a fun side character who is openly gay and doesn’t take shit from anyone...there’s introspection about how to deal with developing feelings and realizing you care about someone. It has the most awkward premise ever, but it’s unfairly good I promise. The less you know going in the better. 8.5/10

TV Shows!

The Umbrella Academy: A family of seven children with super powers who were “adopted” by an eccentric billionaire become child superheroes. So naturally, they all grow into jaded adults who are now tasked with saving the world from the inevitable apocalypse. And it’s...amazing. Like, this should be the new Stranger Things amazing. It’s a Netflix original based off the Dark Horse comic series, and it has one of the most binge worthy plots I’ve ever seen. It is capable of pulling off some very weird things because it just leans into it. The setting and aesthetic is very similar to A Series of Unfortunate Events where different time periods seem to collide, and it works pretty well. It has (mostly) likable characters, interesting and/or empathetic villains, great use of music and editing, and Emmy worthy performances. The only thing I don’t like (aside from them killing off a perfectly interesting character for no reason at the beginning of the show) is the romantic relationship between two of the siblings. Because naturally they had to put a romance in it, and it just sort of conforms to the idea of “adopted siblings aren’t related so it’s not weird.” But even they have some great scenes together so I can’t be too annoyed. It’s amazing. Please watch it. 10/10

Ducktales (2017): The reboot of Ducktales, in which the three nephews of Donald Duck go on mysterious adventures with their obscenely wealthy uncle. I’m pretty sure we all know this as the cartoon where Scrooge McDuck swims in his giant pool of money. It took me a long time to get to, but I like it! Webby is an amazing character, and even though the boys can be annoying, at least they all have their own personalities. I just wish Launchpad was a little less...stereotypically clueless. I’ve never seen the original series, so I can’t compare them, but I’d recommend it for everyone who likes Gravity Falls style mysteries and satisfying story arcs. 8.5/10

Carmen Sandiego (2019): The Netflix original animated series that focuses on a master thief who travels the world stealing important artifacts before an evil organization can get to them first...AND HOLY CRAP WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS!? I don’t know anything about the original Carmen Sandiego franchise, but dang this revamp is awesome. Carmen is a great character who banters enough to be a Marvel protagonist, there’s unique animation, some mystery, and its own twists. The side characters may not be for everyone, but I like them...well, most of them. Apparently the purpose of the original franchise was to be educational, so they do sound like they’re reading the Wikipedia page for every new place they visit in the beginning of each episode, but at least the cultural things they mention always come back into play later. If you liked the new She-Ra or shows with great heroines, PLEASE WATCH IT! 9/10

Queer Eye (season 3): The third season of the ridiculous makeover show where five fabulous gay men rocket into people’s lives to boost their self confidence and keep them from living in filth. I hate that I love this show so much. I don’t like things that try to be overly emotional, but dang it, this show will just make you feel happy...and then sad...and then happy again. 10/10

Honorable Mentions

THE LAST SEASON OF STAR VS THE FORCES OF EVIL IS AIRING! Stop sleeping on this gem people!

Netflix finally released the rest of Arrested Development season 5

I started watching Yu Yu Hakusho because it’s a classic and the dub is hilarious.

I also started watching The Librarians. It’s...something that’s for sure.

And I’m currently reading Reign the Earth which is basically Avatar the Last Airbender set all in the desert.

[thekoshertribble]

“You’re no mystery to me. I know exactly who you are.” Women of Star Trek Blog Entry #12 “Space Seed” Marla McGivers

*rubs hands excitedly together* Oh boy, we’ve arrived. I’ve been thinking about writing this entry for a while now. This is gonna be a rough one, so buckle up people. This is will be another long post. As you’ve probably figured out by now, I’ll be discussing the main female character in this episode, Marla McGivers.

(content warnings: this entry will discuss abusive relationships both mental and physical in nature. Please proceed with caution.)

Before I crack this episode wide open, I want to relate it to my own life. When I was 15 I was involved in a very unhealthy relationship with an upperclassman at my school. While never becoming abusive, my “boyfriend” regarded me as a possession, and his aggressive tendencies towards others made me constantly afraid of him. I never said “no” to him, in fear of retaliation. This all ended many years ago, but I honestly haven’t been the same since. 

I went to therapy during the relationship and afterwards, and during one of my sessions I showed my therapist this episode.* She immediately understood why I was so drawn to this story. “Khan is [your boyfriend’s name]” she said, “and you’re Marla. I hadn’t realized that before, but she was right. For 10 very painful months, I was Marla.

Marla McGivers may be one of the most tragic characters of the Original Series. Even after it appears she redeems herself at the end of the episode, we learn in “Wrath of Khan” she pays for her mistake with her life years later.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, here. Let’s rewind to the beginning. 

Marla McGivers was a lieutenant on the Enterprise when it came across the Bontany Bay and it’s fateful cargo. She was the ship’s historian, apparently specializing in Earth’s history. We first see her in her quarters, working on a painting of a gladiator. (We don’t often see crewmembers engaged in hobbies, so it’s nice that we get this extra detail about her.) She’s quiet spoken, almost timid. It’s suggested that she doesn’t get much work on the ship, and that not many crewmen know her. When Kirk is talking with Spock and McCoy on the bridge, he says:

KIRK: I'll need somebody familiar with the late 20th-Century Earth. Here's a chance for that historian to do something for a change. What's her name? McIvers? 

So her lack of routine tasks and her timid nature probably makes her a rather forgettable and isolated figure on the Enterprise. (Spock remembers her name, of course, but he’s Spock - he probably has the whole ship’s roster memorized.) But now, she has an opportunity to apply her knowledge on a mission. Marla, Kirk, Scott and McCoy beam over to the Botany Bay. They find it’s full of humans in suspended animation, as Marla explains to the group:

MARLA: I've seen old photographs of this. Necessary because of the time involved in space travel until about the year 2018. It took years just to travel from one planet to another. 

Excuse me, Marla, but it’s November of 2018 and we still don’t have sleeper ships! Where are my goddamn sleeper ships Marla??

*clears throat* Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh, yes. So it finally seems that Marla can apply her knowledge on a mission...aaand then the shit hits the fan. One of the men in suspended animation is hot. And Marla gets, uh, distracted. 

KIRK: Could he be the leader? The leader. Lieutenant?

MARLA: (dragging herself back from just gazing at the man) Yes, sir. The leader was often set to revive first. 

They get the man out of cyro and bring him on the Enterprise to recuperate. Kirk is not exactly happy with Marla, and they have this conversation:

KIRK: If I were to rate your performance as a member of the landing party today I - MARLA: I know, sir. I'm sorry. KIRK: Lieutenant, at any one time, the safety of this entire vessel might depend upon the performance of a single crewman, and the fact that you find a man strangely compelling to you personally - MARLA: Not personally, Captain. Professionally. My profession is historian, and when I find a specimen from the past alive, I'm in the sheer delight of examining his mind. KIRK: And men were more adventuresome then. Bolder, more colorful. MARLA: Yes, sir, I think they were. KIRK: Good. If I can have honesty, it's easier to overlook mistakes. That's all.

It freaks me out that this conversation has not only foreshadowing but double and triple foreshadowing. It not only refers to Marla’s betrayal of the Enterprise, and then saving the Enterprise by betraying Khan, it also can be tied to Spock’s sacrifice in Wrath of Khan. Is your mind blown yet?

Apart from the foreshadowing, it’s an awkward conversation. Marla literally got distracted on her first mission, apparently because the guy they were rescuing was too hot. She tries to wave it off as professional fascination, but Kirk knows it’s not just that, and to her credit, she owns up to it. 

Marla reappears a few scenes later to meet the man they rescued from cryo, some dude who calls himself, “Khan.” She begins to introduce herself but he cuts her off. He already knows who she is. He asks her to “sit and entertain” him, as though she’s only there to amuse him. Determined, Marla sits and begins to question him:

MARLA: I'd like some historical information about your ship, its purpose and

KHAN: And why do you wear your hair in such an uncomplimentary fashion?

MARLA: It's comfortable.

KHAN: But it's not attractive. 

Khan stands, moves Marla to a nearby mirror and just starts pulling the pins out of her hair. “There. Soft. Natural. Simple,” he says, admiring his work as though he were a hairdresser. (If only he were that and not a dictator). Finally, Marla speaks up for herself:

MARLA: Mister Khan, I'm here on business.

KHAN: You find no pleasure here?

MARLA: My interest is scientific. Men of. That is, the world of the past. I'm sure you understand to actually talk to a man of your century - 

KHAN: There. Simple, soft. Please remember.

Marla’s subject is not being cooperative, nor does he seem to understand the concept of personal space. As she turns to leave, he grabs her arm and looks into her eyes:

MARLA: Perhaps some other time, when you feel more like talking about the past.

KHAN: I'm glad you came. Please do it again.

It’s...unsettling to watch this whole exchange. The average viewer might thing she’s starstruck by him, but I see fear in her eyes as well as awe. I think by this time she’s begun to realize just who he is - she can’t confirm it, but her intuition is guiding her. She has admired him and others like him across the safe distance of time, but now, the subject of her fascination is here before her, real and dangerous. This was something she never had to plan for. 

Following this encounter, we learn that Marla suggested inviting Khan to a dinner with the ship’s top officers. Perhaps she did this because she hoped that Kirk could get the answers out of Khan that she couldn’t. I don’t think she made the suggestion simply because she fell head-over-heels for him. It cannot be that simple. Before the dinner, Khan comes to Marla’s quarters, saying he wants her to escort him to dinner. He sees her paintings and compliments her on her technique and her choice of subject. 

The paintings double as a visual cue to the audience. It shows her hobby and her...interest: “old, brave, men of the past,” to borrow Khan’s description. Figures as Napoleon, Leif Ericson, and a gladiator named Flavius. It’s suggested that these men are not simply a “hobby” as Khan asks, teasing Marla. Khan then sees one of a turbaned man hidden under a cloth. He nods and simply reacts, “I am honored.” He holds Marla firmly in his arms, and adds, “but I caution you: such men dare take what they want.” He then kisses her, and we see Marla responding, pulling him deeper into the embrace.

We also see, as Khan indicates with satisfaction, that Marla rearranged her hair in the “natural” way khan had arranged it in sickbay. This and the kiss lead us to conclude that despite Khan’s dominating behavior toward her, Marla still feels some attraction to the 20th century dictator. 

The dinner Marla requested does not go well. Marla sits next to Khan, oddly saying nothing for the whole scene, while Kirk and Spock needle Khan into finally slipping and admitting that he and his fellows on the Botany Bay are in fact the ruthless genetically engineered humans who vanished in the 1990s. Khan is angered enough to leave the dinner early and retire to his quarters, where Marla finds him brooding. Keep and mind that she did not have to talk to him - she seeks him out because she feels the need to apologize for the actions of her superiors. 

MARLA: I wanted to apologize. They had no right to treat you that way.

KHAN: Quite understandable, since I'm something of a mystery to them.

MARLA: You're no mystery to me. I know exactly who you are.

KHAN: Do you? 

MARLA: Leif Ericson, Richard the Lion Heart, Napoleon. 

Marla says this last line with a little “gotcha” smile. Khan’s expression is one of slight surprise (even though he saw his portrait in her quarters earlier.) Then, Khan turns the tables and the fate of the Enterprise will be changed forever. Here is the conversation, with my notes:

MARLA: I don't know if you're going to like living in our time. 

KHAN: Then I'll have to remold it to my liking.

He reaches out to grab her suggestively, but she pushes him away.

MARLA: Please don't.

Angered by her sudden rejection, Khan pushes her away.

KHAN: Go. Or stay. But do it because it is what you wish to do. Well? 

Marla makes her fatal decision. 

MARLA: I'll stay a little longer. 

KHAN: How many minutes do you graciously offer?

MARLA: I only meant -

KHAN: This grows tiresome. You must now ask to stay.

MARLA: I'd like to stay. Please. 

Khan smiles in satisfaction and offers his hand to her. She takes it, and suddenly he is pushing her on her knees before him. She cannot escape his grasp. 

KHAN: Open your heart. Will you open your heart?

MARLA (her voice is small): Yes.

KHAN: I intend to take this ship. Do you agree?

MARLA: Oh, please don't ask me -

KHAN (squeezing harder on her hand) : I need your help.

MARLA: You won't harm anyone? 

KHAN (accusingly): Now you question me?

MARLA (fearfully): No!

KHAN: Will you assist me?

MARLA: Oh, please, Khan, don't ask me -

Khan throws her to the floor.

KHAN: Leave me then. Go, I say.

MARLA (whimpering): No. I promise. I'll do anything you ask.

(Khan smiles with cold-blooded satisfaction down on her as we cut to commercial). 

In a matter of moments, Marla has gone from confident and standing before her fantasy-made-reality to crying quietly at his feet. 

Let me pause the episode narrative for a moment to talk about the overall themes of this episode, since we’ve reached the major turning point. If you’ve seen this episode before, you probably remember the ending in which Khan alludes to Milton’s Paradise Lost, inferring that he is Satan cast into Hell, choosing to rule in Hell rather than serve in Heaven. We can actually expand this literary allusion to the whole episode. Khan of course is Satan, the snake in the garden of Eden, so what does that mean? Say it with me now: Marla is Eve, the Enterprise is Paradise (and Kirk is God, I guess?) Paradise Lost is a retelling of the Fall of Mankind - via the tempting of Eve by Satan - and the promise of Redemption by the sacrifice of Christ. Space Seed, similarly, is the story of Marla’s “corruption” by Khan, resulting in dire consequences for the Enterprise and her crew. And like Milton’s great epic, more than Eve’s repentance will save mankind. A greater sacrifice is required:

Anyway, so Khan and Marla work together to bring over Khan’s people from the Botany Bay, capture the Enterprise bridge and hold the crew hostage. By now, the crew know that Marla is working with Khan. Interestingly, Marla has apparently been given some authority by Khan over his people. We see this when one of Khan’s men begins to hit Lt. Uhura for not cooperating, and Marla loudly orders him to stop.

Marla then stands behind Uhura dominantly. She’s essentially become the “good cop” to Khan’s “bad cop.” 

And then we get to yet another turning point. When Khan threatens to suffocate Kirk in a sickbay decompression chamber to get the bridge crew to cooperate, Marla remembers the words of her dying captain:

Lieutenant, at any one time, the safety of this entire vessel might depend upon the performance of a single crewman.

She turns to Khan, and asks quietly but firmly, “Khan, there’s no reason I must watch this, is there?” This is the most assertive we see Marla. Something has suddenly changed. Khan nods, but remarks that he is disappointed, “I had hoped you would be stronger.” Marla leaves, apparently because she does not want to see her former commanding officer die slowly, and she heads down to sickbay, hides a hypo behind her back, and approaches the guard watching over the decompression chamber: “Khan said to watch him very closely. He may decide to co-operate.” The guard obeys, and as soon as he turns, she stabs the hypo into his neck. She frees Kirk from the decompression chamber, and immediately says: “Captain, I saved your life. Now please don't kill him.” Kirk frees Spock and successfully they regain command of his vessel. Yay! 

But wait...what about Khan and his people? and Marla?? Kirk tells Khan that a nearby uninhabited world is suitable for colonization and that he and his people will live there in exile. Marla, meanwhile is given a choice: court martial or exile with Khan. She chooses the latter. To be fair, it really isn’t much of a choice, between certain imprisonment or uncertain life on a planet. But it’s notable that Marla once again chooses Khan’s side, a choice that Khan admires: “a superior woman. I will take her.”

Sadly, going with Khan does indeed lead to her death by a Ceti Alpha eel some years later, causing Khan to go mad from grief and anger. And we all know what happens next...

Now, I do not mean to sound as though I am “blaming the victim” here. I do not mean to say that Marla got what she deserved or wanted, even though the events of the story revolve around her decisions. As you’ve probably realized, it isn’t that simple. Marla is a complex character - her motivations may seem clear but sometimes they’re clouded. Her behavior goes back and forth between assertive and submissive. Complicating all this is the abusive relationship she has with Khan. From personal experience, I know that when you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you don’t always find yourself standing up for yourself, even when your mind is screaming for you to. People ask you, “why didn’t you just leave?” If it were that simple, I would have left as soon as things went wrong. If it were that simple, Marla would not have apologized to Khan, or helped him take over the Enterprise, or travelled with him to Ceti Alpha V. 

I’m afraid I don’t really have any further insights into this character, so I’m going to end this blog entry here. However, if you have any thoughts on Marla and her motivations in this story, please share them in the comments. Maybe you saw something I missed? And of course, if you enjoyed it, please leave a like or reblog. See you next time, when I discuss: A Taste of Armageddon!

P.S. If you’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, please get help. It may feel as though no one knows you’re hurting but keep on reaching out until someone hears you. And please stay safe.

*My therapist had never seen Star Trek, and I wanted to show it to her to explain how it influenced me. We’ve both come to the conclusion that Star Trek very likely saved my life. It basically served as a coping system for a few years.

[ryouverua]

Trial 3 (Pre-Accusation Part 2)

WHAT A TWIST

I…. the thought never even crossed my mind…

She… she has a point?? But I just… it’s possible, but is it realistic? I think I’m actually seriously starting to doubt myself, especially since we had to select Tenko and everything… this feels like the Kaede trial all over again oTL

I-I mean I know Tenko’s fortitude is probably high but??? That’s like, next level?? Komaeda level, even???? never, EVER EVER go full komaeda

That’s what I’m saying??? I-It just seems so out of character???

….. Well shit, that’s actually a decent motive. And honestly, if Tenko had shown any inclination of being able or willing to kill Angie, I’d actually find this reason pretty compelling. But of course, Kokichi wasn’t there the way Shuichi, Maki and the rest of the audience were when Tenko turned down Maki the night before, so we actually have that information over him. As far as he knows, Tenko was absolutely obsessed with Himiko to the level of infiltrating the student council (and I do feel like Kokichi would have seen through Tenko as far as her lie of ‘being brainwashed’).

Basically what I’m saying is that there’s a good chance that this isn’t just Kokichi being an asshole (even though as usual, he’s doing it in a dick-ish way and the poor? guy is stuck with perpetual troll face) but him actually pursuing what is, to him, a legitimate line of questioning in a straight-forward way. Well, minus the whole ‘Angie killing Tenko’ thing, though I guess symbolically you can read that to represent ‘Angie (via guilt) killed Tenko’…

….

Kokichi and Beatrice went to the same liar’s school, didn’t they.

Kokichi you actually had me at least humouring your line of logic up to this point. 8′D Are you projecting right now? Is that what you’d do just to fuck with everyone one last time?

Y….. Yeah…. but……… no…………….

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU, MR. MOST-SUSPICIOUS

It’s just so… interesting because none of what he is saying is wrong, you know? People reading this with no knowledge of Umineko must hate me at this point because I keep referring to it so I’m going to try refer to it in a more accessible way though borrowing examples from it still lolol

Like… oh, right. The wolf and sheep puzzle where you have to get both the wolf and sheep across the river while both survive is a classic example - except some sheep are just wolves dressed as sheep, and you don’t know which ones will attack you… but you know they’re there. Kokichi is basically taking the role of ‘everyone is a potential wolf’ which is smart, survival-wise! And even if it does put him at odds with everyone else, it’s still a perfectly valid viewpoint. 

KAITO JUST CALLED KOKICHI NAIVE I FEEL SO ALIVE

AND KOKICHI IS IN SHOCK

And here’s Kaito taking the complete opposite approach - ‘believe that all the sheep are sheep unless shown otherwise’ and oh by the way I can totally make a sheep out of that cute red-eyed wolf over there COME’ERE MAKI ROLL -

- but yeah again, perfectly valid view.

“BELIEVE IN THE ME WHO BELIEVES YOU IN YOU!!!!!”

T… The logic loses me a little bit over here, but otherwise yeah, Kaito’s arguably naive lol arguments carry a decent bit of weight behind them!

“COME HERE AND GET A HUG YOU BIG FLUFFY WOLF!”

HOLD HIS FEET TO THE FIRE MAKI, THATAGIRL

“YOU’RE OFFICIALLY ON MY SHIT LIST KAITO!!!”

“W… Why does it have hearts all over it? And is that Shuichi’s name -”

“It doubles as my crush list STFU.”

Oooh I forgot about that! Oh good 8′D Like I said earlier, the game was doing a pretty good job at swaying my heart!

sweet cheeks is a lying liar who lies and I enable him - nay, i encourage him

Kokichi is either incredibly good at seeing through people’s lies which means maybe he knows who the mastermind is already??? which is an interesting thought or he is so hyper-fixated on Shuichi that he can tell immediately when he specifically lies

“ah fuck now I have to lie too why do boys keep insisting on dragging me into their issues”

Are…. you shocked genuinely, or because you were banking on this theory to save you? Aaaah man for better or worse, going in with your own biases really colours the way you look at things…

YEAH GIRL YOU TELL THEM

Oh man he really can’t resist getting one good dig at her? I actually… wonder, you know? If he’s legitimately salty about her pretending to be something she’s not up until the end of chapter 2. Something to think about later, maybe?

“kaito I love you BUT KEEP YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT also did I mention I love you again please don’t leave me”

Yeah…. Yeah, I was thinking that was the sound of the sickle falling maybe? I think?

Kokichi is way too excited about this 8′D

Wait…. so like a lever system? That’s…. uh……………………………………….

oh shit that means the sickle was at the top of the cage AAAGH I KNOW BEING STABBED HURTS BUT SOMEHOW THAT MAKES IT MORE TERRIFYING literally being catapulted to her death adslfj

Somehow trap!deaths freak me out way more than in-person deaths? Is that weird?

spirit of justice flashbacks to that one case’s visualization made me so uncomfortable 

…… Seesaw…. trick.

Can I just say. I was so fucked up by the use of the word ‘seesaw’. Because once I saw the visualization, I had ‘lever’ in my head. I was looking for the letter ‘L’ during the hangman game and fucked up a lot because of that and there were enough ‘E’s floating around to make it seem legitimate. That just seemed to make more sense. Seesaw?!?! SEESAW WTF 

AS;DLFJASDF askldfj I cringed during the playthrough and I’m cringing now looking at the picture this legit makes me uncomfortable

YEAH GUYS

‘LEVER MURDER’

LEVER MURDER

yeah i know that’s the thing I’m fixated on

No Kokichi! You’re not allowed to enjoy this as much as me! Only I, as a witness game, can enjoy it this much! YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED AS A PARTICIPANT

also you know he’s totally figured out who it is

See, this must be the point where everyone who wasn’t suspicious of Korekiyo started looking at him. Because honestly, he’s pushing so hard now. On the bright side, all of my own hesitations have been dispelled!

I…… I kind of love how Kokichi is spinning a yarn the same way I’ve been about Korekiyo. But joke’s on you Kokichi, because I’ll be right in the end! Right? …. Right? i’m not misreading the situation about his sister am I

Himiko my god I hope you know if you did or didn’t kill her!

#stopgaslightingHimiko

Monodam might help you guys with that. >3>

Again, I feel like all the Monokuma/Monocubs stuff is foreshadowing 8′D They are the only people with full knowledge of the situation and all the Monokuma Theatre pieces have been immediately relevant to the situation they’ve been in……….. but I don’t know if I have enough info to figure it out. oTL

STOP BULLYING MY PRECIOUS MONODAM

KOREKIYO BABE ILU BUT YOU’RE OVERPLAYING YOUR HAND

Survivor’s guilt 8′/

See, here’s Kokichi seemingly goading Himiko but like… you know, you can definitely (and I think on a second reading would be meant to but I already tend to look at Kokichi’s lines pretty favourable lol) look at it as a way to encourage her not to give up, right?

Also, you know that little weenie knows about the boards being cut in the other room, so there’s no way he doesn’t know Himiko’s being set up right now. I dunno if he can’t just bring himself to speak genuinely and encourage her or if he doesn’t think the others would trust a ‘turnabout’ coming from him….

WITH THAT SAID JUST TELL THEM ABOUT THE BOARDS IN THE OTHER ROOM DAMN IT

Honestly on top of the whole potential ‘Maki lying to Kokichi et al about her talent, therefore pissing him off’ angle, do you ever get the feeling that Maki and Kokichi don’t get along because they’re just… really similar? Honestly, between Kokichi and Maki’s backhanded compliments and encouragements… 8′D

Seriously, Kaito and Kaede couldn’t shine at the same time so one of them had to get knocked off. I wonder when the next body will drop? please never i want them both to live kokichi has a bigger target on his back than maki but we already lost komaeda last game let me have this KOKICHI ISN’T EVEN AS BIG OF A TROUBLEMAKER

“But then Kaito punched me in the face, dragged me to breakfast and then forced me into rigorous exercise training sessions in the middle of the night! Worked like a charm, too!”

“UM…. I’LL PASS, NYEH….”

���It’s time to get inspirational! It’s time to work with my classmates and corner the blackened! Are you with me, person who carries the key to Tenko’s murd -”

“WAKE UP WEENIE I’M TRYING TO GET MY PROTAG ON”

“oh shit”

smooth save

for fuck’s sake Miu you were the first one to accuse him at the beginning of the trial

YAY

YES WE GOT ANOTHER ONE FOR TEAM TRAINING

I’m so glad we got to slip in a bit more Saimota before the end of the post ~

OH SHIT IT’S ON BABY

list of things for you to do next trial while you defend yourself 

TAKE OFF YOUR MASK

TAKE OFF YOUR MASK

talk about the beauty of humanity

TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING MASK

[petshopfox]

Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls

Unreal City, under the brown fog of a winter dawn. Earth hath not anything to show more fair. Dirty old river, must you keep rolling, flowing on into the night. London – the lifeblood of the country and the vampire that sucks it back up.

Among other teenage favourites such as George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty Four and the Guinness Book of British Hit Singles, the Eyewitness Guide to London was a library staple. Before the age of seventeen I never made the trip on the route of the Flying Scotsman down to King’s Cross; in fact, bar a school coach trip to Dover en route to France, I’d never been further south than Matlock. But there I was, lying on my bed, fitting Monopoly streets into the A to Z, memorising the names of the boroughs and their railway stations. I was doing what probably thousands if not millions of ‘provincial’ Britons had done before me, embarking on a love-hate relationship with a city I’d never seen.

I finally made the journey on a school trip in 1998. The A-level art students headed off to the National Gallery; I visited UCL with a friend, had a slice of overpriced pizza for lunch in Leicester Square, then reconvened with the English lit students to see Othello at the National. It was sticky hot, and I felt disappointed for most of the time. It was almost worse to come to London for one day, and not get to do or see any of the things on my list, than never go at all. The schedule was so overdetermined I had no time to gawp at the tube posters or read the blue plaques, no time to catch myself realising I’d jumped through the rabbit hole into Wonderland.  But then, post-play, we had to cross Waterloo Bridge. The skyline shimmered into focus, St Paul’s ghostly with floodlight, the river lapping against the Embankment. I’ll be back, I said to myself, and a blood-rush flushed me all over. London isn’t a city of instant epiphanies. You don’t see it and die; it can be ugly and gawky, ill-assembled and unphotogenic. But there are always clicks; joints snapping into place; gear shifts. That moment on the bridge was one such: like a photographic print gradually darkening in the developing fluid, London was emerging.

Listen carefully to the opening of ‘West End Girls’ and this is exactly what you hear: London flickering into life, beginning to glitter through the fog. It’s morning, and someone walks into the light from the Paddington concourse. Their heels take to the wet pavement, and their heart beats faster as they scour the street for a taxi. The pulse begins to assert itself, and then the synth string chords – those chords – dark, cool and grand, clean and sleek as a black cab. And a pause, ever so slight, before the new arrival decides to walk; to take in the rush on foot, buoyed airily by the Pet Shop Boys’ smooth minimalism, slinking through the crowds. It’s all there in the video, as a rapid montage of random faces gives way to Neil and Chris, who take to their heels in a vaporous, ghostly Soho, like sombre night-watchmen coming off shift. ‘West End Girls’ is the sound of London settling into focus. Eight million people waking up to the distant rumble of tubes and screech of buses; eight million people rubbing their eyes as the greatest synth bassline in eighties pop music rings out from their clock radios. 

It must have been quite an awakening, back then in 1985. It seemed to arrive fully-formed; not just a song, but an aesthetic (though the original Bobby Orlando version from the previous year proves how crucial Stephen Hague was in realising the song’s latent atmospheres). This was not the barroom and dog-track London of Ian Dury, nor was it the hazy, romanticised cityscape of The Kinks. Tennant and Lowe are, of course, northerners, and thus outsiders, though they don’t so much crash the party as float spectrally in a corner with a martini and a raised eyebrow. When the Boys first broke into the charts, much was made of Tennant’s former career at Smash Hits, the foremost evidence cited for his apparently ‘ironic’ take on pop. But I’ve often thought that the beautiful balance they strike between the knowing and the credulous is the product of northern eyes surveying southern landscapes. They are detached, perhaps even sceptical at times; but there’s also that Eyewitness Guide in the bedroom, a city learned and loved, an excitement at having gone through the portals at King’s Cross and slipped into the anonymity of the throng. Despite Tennant having said on more than one occasion that ‘West End Girls’ was inspired by The Waste Land – ‘too many shadows, whispering voices’ is a true summary of Eliot’s fractured epic indeed – the song is too stimulated by what’s going on around it to be either a lament for the lost or a prophecy of doom. It does sound dangerous – there’s something dark and doleful in that bass – but it’s the kind of danger that makes you feel alive and adrenalized. It’s determined to keep its cool, determined not to spend its money all at once; but despite this caution, it’s still the sound of two northerners who will never quite fail to wonder at their adopted home.

It’s a dichotomy embodied by the Boys themselves: arty, askance Tennant, asking questions and pondering significances, and hedonistic Lowe (you can take the lad out of Blackpool!), disappearing into the massed bodies of the rave or shopping incognito at the record exchanges (check out the 1989 B-side, ‘One of the crowd’, Chris’s very own credo). It’s why their songs at their finest have such cross-cultural appeal; the Guardianista manifesto of ‘Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat’ (‘Left to my own devices’) can coexist quite happily with the football terrace reworking of gay utopianism (their definitive cover of ‘Go West’, which was taken on in earnest by Arsenal supporters). It’s what makes them so English, yes (another epithet interviewers and critics find impossible to avoid), but more than that, it’s what makes them so London, and more specifically Northern and London. In no other city in the world do you get quite so many disparate people rubbing shoulders in the crush; underfunded social housing and potholes on one side of the street, while the opposite side gleams with stucco and swept pavements. This is the world the Boys both celebrate and lament, and often with an emphasis on the relationship between regionalism and metropolitanism. It’s mourned in ‘King’s Cross’ (the station from which Geordies spill out into the city like foaming brown ale from a broken bottle), and especially ‘The Theatre’, which again makes specific reference to  expats from beyond the Watford Gap (‘Boys and girls come to roost / From Northern parts and Scottish towns / Will we catch your eye?’) But then there’s the funny B-side ‘Sexy Northerner’, about a guy who takes the capital by the scruff and recasts it in his own image. London is always up for grabs, and the Boys will be there as the daybreak traffic hits, on through lunch at the office, then dinner, pub, club, and into the demimonde of the dead hours. You always wanted a lover, I only wanted a job. You wait till later, till later tonight…

You see, London is all about almost unlikely juxtapositions, and the Pet Shop Boys pull off some of the unlikeliest. The astonishing ‘Dreaming of the Queen’ (perhaps the most moving song they have ever written) is the most surreal. It’s an elegy for the AIDS dead (‘there are no more lovers left alive’) sung by ‘Lady Di’, whose own marriage is failing; the ‘Queen’ of the title is both the monarch Neil visualizes in his dream, chastising him for being in the nude, and, perhaps, the patron saint of all ‘queens’ everywhere who are traumatized by the epidemic. It’s timely – on release in 1993, all these events were highly topical – and timeless, commenting on the ways in which our subconscious finds its own warped logic to deal with the crushing events of history. And then that heartbreaking line, ‘Yes, it’s true / Look, it’s happened to me and you’ (a rejoinder to an earlier AIDS lament, ‘It couldn’t happen here’). London is a place in which ‘big’ history is made all around us, in which we constantly rub up against grand monuments and memorials; it’s also a place that can find space for the ‘me and you’. At its best, Tennant and Lowe’s songwriting focuses through both of these lenses. Remember ‘Shopping’, seemingly a deadpanned celebration of the personal benefits of the credit boom, but actually a broadside against Thatcher’s privatisations? No eighties band was better at defining the emptiness of consumerist luxury than the Pet Shop Boys, and I’m not just talking about the immortal ‘I’ve got the brains, you’ve got the looks, let’s make lots of money’. Stick on the original version of ‘I want a dog’, and marvel at the boredom of desire; the blank-eyed intonation of ‘oh, you can get lonely’; the killer couplet ‘Don’t want a cat / Scratching its claws all over my habitat’, expressing withering disdain for any mog that ruins Terence Conran’s finest.

In ‘West End Girls’, of course, there are cats and dogs, paws and claws. The greyhounds of Walthamstow (east end boys) and the Persian princesses of Kensington (the girls of the title). Another great juxtaposition, and one that makes London sexy in a constantly surprising way. All sorts of mythologies catch each other’s eyes on the escalators. The Kray brothers lock stares with Charlotte Rampling; there’s a frisson of sexual danger, a possibility of pugilism. But London has to brook its own contradictions in order to survive. It surfs breezily above them, just as the track itself is both shiny and seamy, dark and light. The song is all tensions: African and European (the jazzy trumpet and rich gospel backing vocalist knocking against Tennant’s high white plaint), passive and active, dispassionate and yet full of deep, deep yearning; yet it’s miraculous how these coexist with such effortless panache. These are the frictions of all great British pop, but seldom do they ever sound so exotic and lush. The Pet Shop Boys really did change the game; this is a London both real and imagined, both as good as the real thing and somehow even better. It’s not surprising that it was number one all over the world, including America, and no accident that it even featured prominently in the Olympic shebang last year.

You see, for all the expert satire, it’s easy to forget that the Pet Shop Boys are still actually in love with London, and that its allure will never pall. ‘We’ve got no future, we’ve got no past’, intones Neil in the last verse. In London, you can be someone different every day, ventriloquizing the people around you, learning to walk to their gait; only the present, and your presence matter. Just to be there at all; to be swimming in the tide. East End boys will always chase West End girls, and perhaps vice versa. Northerners and foreigners will always be both repelled and fascinated by the Unreal City. As long as London exists, so will ‘West End Girls’; so will a thousand teenagers from elsewhere dreaming in their bedrooms about ‘running down, underground, to a dive bar in a West End town’. As T.S. Eliot would have it, we shore these fragments against our ruin. Or else, we save ourselves with the power of a synth bass, a crunchy snare and the ecstasy of urban romance.

[freespiritcreations]

Welp.. That’s Something to Think About

What’s good y'all? Yaya is back, and at this point, y’all should know not to expect me to post often. And if you don’t see the active pattern at this point, then that sounds like a personal problem. Anyways, like usually I’ve spent these last couple of weeks watching a ton of movies, like the fake-ass movie critic I am. This time, I’ve decided to watch movies that have more of a LGBTQI narrative. These movies are Mysterious Skin (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Moonlight (2016), Call Me By Your Name (2017), and of course Brokeback Mountain (2005). After watching these movies, I started to think of the visual style within these movies, and how they relate to one another.

BUT, before I go on, let me warn y’all again… EXTREME SPOIL ALERT!!! Like deadass! I’m finna go in with these movies, so proceed with caution.

Now, I’m sure we’ve all heard the term “queer eye,” which typically refers to a specific aesthetic that has a particular style. Usually, people use this term to describe the style within fashion, house decoratives, or anything that has something to do with art. Some people visualize that style to be incredibly creative or sheik, and others have more of an insultingly stereotypical view of it. As for the movies I’ve watch, I can’t say that the style of those films have a “queer” aesthetic within the editing style. Instead, I feel that the editing within these movies portray more of a variety of perspectives on the lives of the LGBTI community.

First of all, can we all agree that the styles within each of these movies are completely different from one another? For example, the mise-en-scene, language, and character style for Moonlight compared to Brokeback Mountain are total opposites.

The setting for Moonlight takes place around a city-type setting, and their choice of fashion and language is more urban. For example, the movie LITERALLY starts off with showing such characteristics within those factors. The second Juan enters the scene, we can already get a feel of that type of atmosphere just from watching the two minute sequence alone (0m:35s - 2m:30s).

In Brokeback Mountain, the setting had more of a western theme, and the setting usually took place around an isolated wilderness. As Ennis and Jack begin their first shift, we can admittedly notice the country-like atmosphere that focuses around the mise-en-scene, language and character style aspects of the film. (8m:26s - 10m:30s).

With that being said, the cinematographic styles for these films do share some similarities, but not in a “queer” aesthetic style. What I mean when I say they share similarities, is how the cinematography heightens the romantic tension between characters. In most of the movies listed, the close-up shot angels captured the intimate moments between the couples in each movie.

For instance, during the sex scene in Boys Don’t Cry, a series of close-up shots captures the lustful moments between both Brandon and Lana (54m:46s - 56m:22s).

This type of cinematographic style can be seen again in Call Me By Your Name. During the sex scene between Elio and Oliver, medium and close-up shots captures the intensely intimate moments of their foreplay (1h:23m:56s - 1h:25m:46s).

 But, doesn’t every film involving romance or sex edit their shots in that specific fashion? Exactly! So, I feel it those factors have little to do with a ‘queer’ aesthetic. Anyways, like I mentioned earlier, the style of the characters and film captures more of the perspective of the LGBTQI community. Their style in fashion and vocabulary is influenced by the setting and atmosphere surrounding the characters.

Now as I mentioned earlier, yes again, the characters personalities and styles resemble their surroundings. Nonetheless, there are certain factors within the characters that I can say can be read through their visual styles in the movies. I mean, when you think about it, certain factors such as race, gender and sexual identity sort of go hand-in-hand when creating a particular visual style.

For instance, in Moonlight, the setting wrapped around an urban area. The social expectation for Chiron was to act similar to the other characters within his neighborhood. Chiron grew up in poverty, and lived in an area affiliated with gangs and drug abuse. Because he was bullied for not fitting in with the other characters, it proned him to grow up into becoming a drug lord in order to be accepted by society. We can instantly notice his dramatic personality transition when he reunites with Kevin as an adult (1h:22m:12s - 1h:36m:02s). Furthermore, he also does this in order to prove his masculinity to the people around him.

As a black woman, I can definitely vouch and say that there is a particular acceptance level within the black community. For some dumb ass reason, in order to be considered ‘black enough,’ you would have to act and look a certain way. Such as, being ghetto, speaking ignorantly, dressing ‘hood,’ and having a ‘hood-like’ mindset. Because I don’t necessarily fit into that category, most black people would say that I’m ‘acting white,’ solely based on my appearance and intelligence level. To be honest, that’s one of the most ignorant and pressuring things to have to deal with as a black woman. Thus, is why he would often get in trouble and engage in illegal activity.

 Also, the visual style in gender roles greatly has a connection between one another. For instance, Brandon in Boys Don’t Cry, made it apparent that he sexually identified as a male. In the beginning of that film, Brandon was adjusting his appearance, in order to emphasize his masculine features (1m:42s - 2m:27s). The way he dressed and carried himself made it completely obvious. Furthermore, throughout the movie, Brandon would engage in extremely risky stunts and activities, in order to prove his masculinity. Even when Brandon wasn’t 100% comfortable with the activities, he still proceeded in order to fit in with the masculine crowd. Overall, these factors do go hand-in-hand with one another to create a visual style within the movies.

Now, with all of that in mind, I started to think about how queer films shape and influences the perceptions and emotions of the audience by the power of the queer aesthetic. I’m telling you, the power behind these movies will definitely have you feeling some type of way. And, that feeling usually comes from a sentimental place. To be honest, I can name you at least one scene from two different movies that will definitely have you feel some type of way, just from the queer aesthetic alone.

Note, that the way the queer aesthic is used is to capture more of the intense moments of the films and characters, not necessarily the appearance or look of it. Also remember, when it comes to this aesthetic, I’m focusing on the emotional aspects not the editing styles. So, don’t try to tell me I’m contradicting myself with those two different factors.

Anyways, firstly, the character arcs in both Neil and Brain from Mysterious Skin will have you sympathize with them as the story unfolds. Once you see how much the molestation from their former little league coach has shaped them, you tend to feel bad about how much that had affected their entire lifestyles. Brain suppresses his memory of being molested, and thinks that he was actually a part of an alien abduction instead. Neil begins to prostitute his body because he didn’t view sex very highly or of utter importance. Once Neil and Brian finally meet, Neil explains to Brain what actually happened that night he thought he was abducted (1h:28m:44s - 1h:41m:43s). That intense conversation had definitely made me feel incredibly sympathetic towards Brain. Some may even question Neil’s true intentions towards that situation. But honestly, I feel just as sympathetic towards him as I feel towards Brian. I mean think about it. Neil didn’t know what the fuck he was getting himself into as a child. He was tricked and deceived by his former little league coach. Honestly, I feel like his misinterpretation towards sex was just his own way to suppress his feelings towards those past incidents.

You also can get an emotional connection with Brandon from Boys Don’t Cry too. I mean how can you not feel some type of way after watching him get sexually harassed and raped by John and Tom (1h:25m:33s - 1h:31m:33s). And, don’t get me started on when they killed him (1h:47m:51s - 1h:50m:33s). Not only did I feel extremely appalled towards the situation, I also felt anger and hatred towards John and Tom, after seeing what they had done to Brandon. And, once you learn that the movie was based on a true story, well that’s just more fuel to the fire right there.

Anyways, I know I really dragged this blog out, but those movies literally made me go through some whole type of movie-related epiphany. I honestly really enjoyed watching them, and it made me more interested in watching more movies similar to those ones. I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but I’m more of a horror movie fan. It wasn’t until recently when I started watching more movies of other genres. Well, it’s also because there hasn’t been any good horror films being made lately. Ehh.. maybe someday. Anyways, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read what the fuck I had to say. I know y’all love it when I put my two cents in. Welp, until next time guys. Bye, bye!