#It took me 30 seconds to realise I knew the answer and nobody else was getting it right xD

[paladincecil]

I won a Lightbringer ring in osrs tonight by answering a question about full metal alchemist xD

It's worth 3mil but I'm gonna keep it'll be useful when skilling :)

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song x (m).

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, romance, happy ending, jin has stubble lmao, smut; morning sex, oral sex (f receiving), soft sex, spooning, jin has a thing for boobs this saturday morn, everything gets so fluffy  words; 6,243

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

When you heard the doorbell ring twenty-five minutes later you were up off the sofa in seconds, heart thrumming against your ribcage as you rushed towards the entryway, a nervous kind of excitement flurrying inside your stomach. Yanking the door open, you were unable to keep the smile from your face as you saw Seokjin stood in front of you. He was dressed in sweatpants and a baggy white t-shirt which was slightly creased. His hair must have been freshly washed, soft and fluffy on top of his head, but it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while, hints of stubble growing along his upper lip and along his jawline. 

“Hi.” You were grinning by now. 

“Hi,” he murmured softly, stepping forward. Immediately you found yourself in his embrace, the familiar scent of his laundry detergent welcoming. You wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing the side of your face to his chest. You felt still, relaxed for the first time in days. 

Kissing the top of your head as he pulled away, he took your hands and let out a small chuckle. “I was halfway here when I realised I still had my slippers on.” 

You looked down at his feet, giggling as you spotted the blue slip ons. Linking your fingers with his, you gently tugged him forward. “Do you want head to the living room?”

He nodded, letting you lead the way, and you paused by the kitchen, turning back. “Want something to drink?”

“Water, if it isn’t any trouble.” He asked. Classic Seokjin, you thought to yourself, leaving him to sit, too polite for no reason. When you came back, handing him the drinking glass he smiled and said his thanks. You sat next to him watching him take a sip and lean over to place the glass on the coffee table. You didn’t know where to start, you had so much to say, but it seemed like he had been thinking his piece over in the car ride here. 

Exhaling, he turned to you with a serious expression. “Just before you say what you need to, I want to apologise.” He paused, seeing if you would let him continue, when you didn’t object he reached for your hand. “I’m really sorry for the way I acted Sunday. It was unacceptable and I’m really embarrassed you had to see me like that.” He sighed then, “I was just so... I was so mad that Nana turned up and spoke to you like she did. I let all my frustrations regarding Arin take over too.” He was staring you straight in the eyes, eager to make you see how sincere he was. “I never meant to compare you both and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” 

“Everyone gets angry, Seokjin. Don’t feel embarrassed because of that,” you told him. “It was just jarring to see. Plus it was all so overwhelming.” He nodded in understanding and you smiled and squeezed his hand. “I appreciate your apology regarding the comparisons though.” What was done was done, but he sounded regretful. “Have you spoken to Nana since?” 

“Yeah,” he murmured, averting his gaze for a split second. He sounded remorseful. “I saw her yesterday afternoon. She wanted to be with Arin this weekend so I finished work early and drove her there. Nana…” He stopped himself and started again. “I know why she was so hurt over everything. We talked it out a little. Barely touched the surface but things are headed in the right direction. I apologised to her.” 

“That’s good to hear,” you said. There was no good only apologising to you. Nana deserved an apology just as much, maybe even more. You were glad they’d managed to be civil and you hoped it was a step in the right direction. 

“I know Arin missed school but I called Principal Jung.” Seokjin was eager to explain himself. “I didn’t go into details of course, but he said it was okay.” 

“That’s fine,” you chuckled quietly. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. It was only one day.” How cute. You didn’t take your job that seriously. At least the mystery was solved though. You had stressed over nothing. He wanted nothing more than for Arin to see her mother, regardless of what his relationship with Nana was like. This extra weekend together meant a lot to not only Arin and Nana, but him too. Harsh words had been shared in frustration and anger, but he hadn’t lost sight of what mattered the most – his daughter. 

“I’m glad you talked to Nana,” you smiled, unsure how to voice all your thoughts. What mattered was he’d seen the error of his ways, and hopefully Nana had too. 

He nodded sternly. “I was out of order that day.” 

You grew serious too, hesitating before you said his name. You knew you had to ask him, knew you had to have this conversation, but it didn’t stop you from feeling slightly afraid. “Seokjin, why didn’t you tell her about us?” 

He closed his eyes briefly, shame written all over his face, and he let go of your hand to run a hand through his hair. It draped across his forehead instantly. “I made a mistake.” He was looking straight into your eyes again, chocolate irises pooling with genuine regret. “At first I didn’t know what would happen between us. It was all brand new for me – for you. Letting Nana know was the last thing on my mind, but as things got more serious, I just…” He faltered, gaze falling to his lap. “I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I was so happy. I didn’t want anything to potentially ruin it. 

“It was stupid, considering Arin could tell her at any moment. I just wasn’t thinking, I was being selfish. I understand why Nana was so hurt. I would feel the same if I found out Arin had been spending time with a man I didn’t know.” He exhaled deeply. “I took it all to heart because deep down I knew I’d done wrong.” 

You appreciated his honesty. “We were definitely in a bubble. I never even thought to ask if you’d let her know. I –”

“It’s not your fault.” He was quick to tell you. “It was my responsibility and I didn’t want to do it. I regret it now and I’ve told her that. I’m sorry to you too, it wasn’t my intention to keep you a secret.” 

You were quiet then, unsure what to say. You still had questions, still had things you needed to understand and as if he read your mind, he placed a gentle hand on your knee, tilting his head to watch you. “Y/N, is there anything else you want to know?” 

Your fingers picked at your pyjama pants, heart beating rapidly. There was one important thing you needed the answer to, it was a dumb question, you were nearly positive, but yet you knew you needed to ask it. 

“Anything you want to ask, I’ll be 100% honest with you.” He gently nudged, sensing your reluctance. 

“T-this may seem stupid,” you began, finding courage. He was Seokjin, your Seokjin, he wouldn’t judge you. However, you hoped what you had to say wouldn’t hurt him. He waited patiently for you to continue. You held his gaze. “You’re not just looking for a mother figure for Arin, are you?”

His forehead crinkled in confusion, his hand leaving your knee as he processed your words. “What do you mean?”

You felt a wave of panic. “I know it sounds stupid, but I just need to know if you like me for me.”

He watched you carefully, brow line now creasing in concern. “Of course I like you for you.” And then he took your hand, lacing his warm fingers between yours. You could see the concentration on his face as he tried to find a way to word his thoughts. “I’m not looking for a mother figure, I never was. Yes, I’d love it if Arin saw her mother every day, but I’m not trying to recreate it elsewhere. I was wrong to compare you both. Nana loves Arin, I know that, she’s trying her best, and you’re…,” he took a breath, “I would never expect you to take on all that responsibility. You’re my girlfriend, I would never intentionally put all that pressure on to you.

“Y/N, I’m Arin’s father,” he continued when you didn’t reply. “She means the world to me, so knowing that she adores you makes me happy, as does knowing you adore her. I always thought dating in my position would be really hard – that’s why I never did it. Having to trust someone that much to potentially let them into my daughter’s life, that was such a frightening thought. But it wasn’t with you.” His eyes were wide, pleading as he tried to make you see. As he spoke he used his other hand to cup the side of your face, you softened into his touch. 

“There were other worries too,” he continued to confess. “I thought nobody would want a divorced dad as a boyfriend. It’s fine, I understand it’s not everyone’s ideal, but with you it was never a problem. You accepted me and what my life involved and I’m not going to lie, that made me fall for you even harder but I wasn’t using you because I wanted some sort of permanent mother figure in Arin’s life. That’s absurd and it makes me really sad to know I potentially made you feel that way.” 

Your chest felt lighter hearing those words. Nothing like the tight, anxious mess you had felt all week. It was good to know your worst fears weren’t true. Your doubts, even though valid, hadn’t been needed. You believed every word he said. 

He lowered his hand from your face, sensing you were about to speak, and instead clutched the hands laced together in your lap. “Hearing those things you said to Nana, it made me… It overwhelmed me. Made me think that you’d been expecting too much of me this whole time, or like maybe you’d been searching for something I had no clue about.” You admitted.

You hadn’t liked being used as a weapon. It had made you feel horrifically guilty. You told him just as much, being as frank as you possibly could because he needed to hear it. 

“I understand,” he nodded. “I promise I’ll never do it again. All I can give you is my word.” 

“And I’ll believe it.” You told him, needing him to know something else as well. “Seokjin, I really do care about Arin. I’m beyond touched that she’s accepted me into her life but my place will always be different.” 

Seokjin frowned at that. “You are still an amazing person in her life though. She’s become so much happier these past few months and I can’t deny it and say that’s not partially down to you, even if it’s just a fraction of the reason.” 

You opened your mouth to disagree with him, he was being too nice, giving you too much credit, but he wasn’t having any of it. “No, Y/N. You need to hear these things. You make Arin happy too, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.” He felt you relax, smiling when he noticed you do the same. “I fell for you because of many reasons, and yes, one of them was because of how you treat Arin, but it’s not the only one.” His voice was soft as he began to make a list. You couldn’t help but giggle. “You’re sweet, caring, funny, beautiful – inside and out.” 

“You’re a real charmer, hm,” you teased.

He chuckled, but grew serious once again, giving your hand a squeeze. “You could have anybody but you chose me, the man whose life is overtaken by work and is struggling to be an OK dad.” 

“Seokjin, you’re an amazing father,” you scoffed. If he expected you to listen then he needed to as well. “You work so hard and you’re constantly exhausted but that doesn’t stop you from being one of the best fathers I know. You need to give yourself more credit.” 

“Thanks,” he said, plump lips tugging up into a half-smile. You really wanted to kiss him, it had been long enough, so you leaned forward, pressing your mouth to his. Gentle and chaste. When you pulled back he was smiling harder. You couldn’t help but join him. 

One of his hands lifted, weaving into your hair as he brought your face to his chest, the hand holding yours letting go so he could wrap his arm around your middle, holding you to him. You were both silent, content for a moment as you listened to his heart beat steadily. It comforted you, let you know that everything was okay. 

“I’m sorry if I put pressure on you,” he murmured, chin resting against your hair. “It’s just when the three of us are together it feels so right. It feels natural and I love that.” 

“I love it too,” you agreed, your face still pressed into his chest, your palm too. “But Nana is her mother and I don’t ever want to take her place.” You paused, slowly pulling away to look at him. “I want to make my own place. And I don’t know if that means being a stepmom so soon, but it’s definitely moving in that direction.” You’d had enough time to think about everything. You were more than serious about him. “I want a future with you, Seokjin. A future with you and Arin. You both mean a lot to me.” 

His mouth slowly spread into a grin, he looked and sounded unbelievably happy. “Do you mean that?” 

“Of course. I spent these past few days thinking really hard about us and what we were – what we are. I’m serious about us, and I hope you are too.” 

He pulled you into another hug, kissing your forehead. “I most definitely am, but we’ll take it at your pace,” he assured, “and Arin’s pace.” 

“And your pace,” you added, moving your head back to look at him, hands resting on his shoulders. “Nana’s too. She needs to be involved because no matter what, she’s still a part of your life.” 

It wasn’t about just you and Seokjin, you understood that now, and so did he. “I agree. I really think yesterday was a turning point for me and her. I want our relationship to be better for not just Arin, but you too. I hate that you had to witness all that.” 

“It’s okay, Seokjin. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.” He needed to let it go and move forward. You had already. 

“Listen, I, er, I’m…” He hesitated, serious once again. “I’m sorry for not telling you why we divorced.” 

Oh. In your happiness you’d actually forgotten about that. You waited for him to continue, wanting to hear what he had to say because it had been the source of some of your hurt. You rubbed his shoulders, wanting to encourage him as he struggled to find the words. 

“It’s complicated,” he started. “…Finding out Nana had been cheating on me was what triggered the divorce, but it had been over long before then. It’s… difficult to admit this out loud but for the longest time I was embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that she’d cheated on me – it was an ego thing. I didn’t care because I no longer loved her but at the same time it was mortifying and it made me very bitter.

“I didn’t tell you because you’d trusted me with your own story. I learned how cheating had affected you and my situation was completely different. I don’t know,” he sighed, unsure if he was making any sense. “I regret it now because I should have told you.” 

“I understand why you didn’t,” you said simply, attempting to process the huge chunk of information you’d just been given. “But I think, regardless of our different circumstances it still affected you in some way. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with being cheated on.” It had obviously left its mark if he was still bringing it up nearly three years later. 

He still wasn’t convinced. “But Nana was right, that’s why I got so angry. I couldn’t admit it to myself, not until this week. By sleeping with someone else she gave me a way out. I didn’t want to be the one who ended it because that would mean I was the reason for Arin’s broken home. To ease my conscience I could blame the breakdown of our marriage on her.” 

“Seokjin, that doesn’t make you a terrible human being. You need to let all that go,” you told him gently. “At the time you did what you thought was best for Arin. You thought by staying together it would give her a better life but it doesn’t work like that and you’ve realised that now.” 

You didn’t want to stick your nose in business that wasn’t yours, but you understood what had happened. By staying together they had become increasingly bitter towards one another and the result was still ongoing. There had been a lot of hurt and that would take some time getting over. 

You noticed the slight nod he gave you, a silent agreement. The sooner he accepted his mistakes the easier it would be to forgive himself. “I still should have you,” he whispered.

“That’s not important anymore,” you insisted. 

“It is.” He clutched your waist, his eyes glassy. “You shared so much with me about how you got hurt, and I kept something big from you.” 

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Well, I know now.” You weren’t going to hold it against him, it had obviously been playing on his mind the entirety of your relationship. “That’s all that matters.”  

He relented, kissing you softly, just once, unable to help himself. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too these past few days. I talked to my therapist. It’s been a while. I’ve just been so happy I didn’t need to until…” Trailing off he gave an embarrassed shrug. 

“That’s good you got back in contact with her.” He hadn’t actually spoken about his therapist since your first date and you’d never thought much about it, but it was great that he knew to seek help when he needed it. 

“We talked a couple of times about everything. It was helpful.” He rubbed your back with a soothing hand. “I really am sorry my relationship with Nana is like this. There’s a lot of bitterness and hurt left over from all the years we stayed together. Maybe the truth is we should have never gotten married in the first place. We brought out the worst in one another until in the end it turned to hate, but I can’t regret it because she gave me my world.” 

“Maybe realising all this is the next step for some type of closure,” you offered. He and Nana couldn’t keep this up. They needed to get along for Arin’s sake. They had to try and salvage some type of relationship if they wanted to continue co-parenting their daughter – their world. 

“I think you’re right,” he agreed. “Now that everything is out in the open I feel so much better.” 

“I’m glad.” You leaned in to kiss his cheek.  

“So,” he hummed, sounding a lot more like himself, “where do we go from here?” 

“I think we just carry on from where we left off.” As far as you were concerned everything had been resolved. All your questions and worries had been answered. You were both on the same page now and you could move on together. “When I was waiting for you to come back with that salad.”

“Sounds perfect.” He laughed, wasting no time with kissing you, properly this time, cupping your face to bring you closer. You settled in his lap soon after, his lips soft and warm, each glide of your tongues making you realise that all you wanted to do was be with him. Always. 

“There is one change I’d like to make though,” he murmured, pulling away gradually, kisses becoming gentle pecks until he had the will power to stop completely. “I was going to wait until I took you to Paris, but maybe grand gestures don’t mean shit after I thought I’d lost you.” 

Your heart flipped inside your chest just from the look he was giving you, the sheer determination in his eyes, and the way he cupped your face firmly. You thought you knew what was coming. 

“I love you.” 

You were still speechless for a moment though, but it was okay because he was still busy confessing. 

“I know it may seem too fast and I don’t want to scare you away but I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you these past few months. I can’t remember what my life was like before you appeared in it.” 

“I love you, too,” you gushed, coming to. “Of course you wouldn’t scare me away. Everything you just said, I feel exactly the same way.” 

“Really?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed. 

“It’s not too fast?” 

“Not at all,” you shook your head. You’d been worried it was at first, but you’d been upset and scared. Now everything was clear. “Actually, there’s no such thing because I’m in this 110%.” 

He chuckled then, brow line crinkling in the middle. “That sure?” 

“Mhmm,” you nodded enthusiastically, hands holding the back of your neck. “Thank you for reversing into my car.” 

That made him snort. “It’s no problem at all, but,” he leaned forward, tone serious, “I hate to break it to you, I’m in 1010%.” 

You rolled your eyes playfully, ignoring his goofiness to kiss him again. Although this time there was something you couldn’t ignore any longer. “Oh my god,” you complained, itching your lips. 

“What?” He was very obviously concerned. 

“Your stubble keeps pricking me!” You whined. “What is going on?” You cupped his face, getting a better look at the situation. He did look rather handsome with stubble, you admit, but you’d keep that to yourself. “A few days without me and you forget to shave.” 

He raised a dark eyebrow. “Isn’t that a thing? When you think you’ve lost the woman of your dreams you have to start growing out a beard, right?” 

You snorted lightly. “You’d be there for years trying to grow out that thing.” 

He tutted. “Rude.” 

“But what, say that again? I’m the woman of your dreams?” You teased, pressing for more. 

“I take it back now,” he scoffed. 

“You can’t! You’ve said it now.” 

“Shush,” he laughed. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. “Stop talking and let me love you.” 

It took a single press of his lips for you to listen. 

.

.

You were slow and still sleepy when you awoke the next morning, gradually coming to, your eyes still closed. It was raining, you could hear the soft patter of it against the window as you became more aware, but you found it didn’t hinder the good mood you’d woken up in. Why would it? 

Finally opening your eyes, although with effort, a soft focus Seokjin came into view, already awake and leaning over you slightly. He smiled when you saw him, a hand caressing your hip. “Good morning, beautiful.” 

You smiled back, rolling into the side of his body, making the most of your sleepy state – and your boyfriend’s warmth. “How long have you been awake?” You asked with a small yawn. 

You didn’t actually remember falling asleep last night. After you’d made up (and you were done with all that kissing), you’d asked him to stay over. You’d laid in bed, wrapped up in one another as you talked about anything and everything before your eyes had started to get heavy, Seokjin’s voice and your own sounding distant in no time. And now you were here. 

“A few minutes,” he murmured, morning voice always an octave lower. It never stopped being sexy. You tangled your legs in his as he laid back down and realised his were now bare – he must have gotten too warm in the middle of the night. 

He cupped your face, wanting you to look at him. “I was using the time to admire you.” 

“Cheesy as always,” you chuckled. 

“Of course,” he agreed easily, leaning in to rub his nose against yours. “I woke up and thought last night might have been a dream.”  

“It wasn’t,” you whispered, getting lost in his eyes for a moment. 

“I love you.” 

With a soft groan you rolled onto your back. “Not fair, I was about to say that.” 

“Too bad,” he laughed, that deep morning chuckle you loved, wrapping his arm around your middle as he kissed your cheek. “You snooze you lose.” 

“I wasn’t snoozing.” 

“You were – and snoring. I heard you.” He was trailing kisses along your jaw now. 

“You didn’t!” You exclaimed. That was something you definitely did not do. “I don’t snore, take that back!” 

You attempted to wriggle out of his hold but he wasn’t having any of it, both of his hands beginning to tickle your sides. “Seokjin!” You shrieked, starting to thrust your legs but he rolled on top of you, caging your body easily. 

He stilled all movement and looked down, having way too much fun teasing you. “What?” 

Before you could even think to reply he was kissing you. Somewhere along the way last night you’d gotten used to the stubble, quite liking the tingle across your lips now, so you didn’t gripe this morning. Holding your face he trailed wet kisses down your throat, teeth gently sinking into your collarbone. You let out a gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pushed against his body, eager for more of his mouth. 

His hands soon began roaming your body, slipping under your pyjama shirt to caress your skin. His fingers delicately traced the underside of your breasts, lifting his head up to kiss your mouth once before he spoke his request. “Can I see you?”

You smiled and nodded, watching as he started to undo the buttons with expertise. When you were fully revealed he looked at you with a grin. “Woah,” he stated simply. 

“You’re acting like you’ve never seen them before,” you giggled. 

“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure they’ve gotten bigger.” He mused, weighing your breasts in his hands. 

You snorted, mouth dropping open when he captured one of your nipples between his lips. His used his hand to palm the other breast, pinching the nipple with his fingers and you moaned, arching into his touch. Against your crotch you could feel him growing hard – rapidly. 

“Take this off,” you urged, tugging at his t-shirt. Your need for him was rising too, breathing becoming unsteady as Seokjin kneeled upright and ripped the piece of clothing off. You sat up, running your hands across the muscular swell of his chest. “Yup,” you nodded to yourself, “definitely gotten bigger.” 

He chuckled quietly – shyly almost, and helped you take your shirt off, kissing across your shoulder as he eased you back against the pillows. Next, he got you out of your pyjama bottoms, kissing his way back up your stomach and between the valley of your breasts as his hand slid between your legs, rubbing you above your underwear. Squirming, warmth flooding you as his mouth found yours, your tongues mashing together in haste, your arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. 

He slipped his hand inside your panties and loved what he found. “You’re so wet, honey,” he murmured, playfulness in his tone as he circled your clit with the pad of finger. His touch was so light it was unbearable and you whined, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. 

He circled your entrance next but didn’t enter, collecting your arousal to rub your clit again. You dug your foot into the mattress, raising your hips to get more. His dick was fully erect now, pressing into your thigh, but he was in no rush, fully devoted when it came to pleasuring you. Dragging your underwear down your thighs, you helped push them off entirely, reaching for him and pulling him into a kiss, although he didn’t stay at your mouth long, kissing across your chest and down your stomach until he met his destination. 

He didn’t get very far though, his hot breath making you wriggle about, thighs clamping around his head. “It tickles.” 

“Tickles?” He repeated in amusement, nosing your inner thigh. He kissed your bikini line, ignoring your feeble giggles. “I’m not trying to tickle you.” 

You held your breath as he placed a testing kiss against your centre, willing yourself not to squirm, but Seokjin took it slow, easing you into it, because your body had suddenly decided to turn hypersensitive in his absence. He continued to kiss your core, his tongue coming out to wash against you too, and soon enough you got used to the sensation. 

“Good?” He asked against your clit, the vibrations making you flutter. 

You nodded in reply, fingers of both hands reaching to tangle in his hair. He gave you a quick smile and then started to flick his tongue against the bundle of nerves rapidly, making your hips rise in shock as a moan drew from your throat. He gave you no time to recover, sucking on your clit now as he hummed in satisfaction. Body with a mind of its own, you spread your thighs, wanting to feel him even better. 

He got the hint, using his hands to plant your feet on his shoulders, legs bent at the knee to open you up even wider for him. He continued to suck you softly, the tip of his tongue flicking back and forth at the same time, the stimulation so glorious you were sure you had tears in your eyes. 

“Oh God, Seokjin,” you moaned as he pulled away abruptly, your head falling back against the pillow. You had been moments away from coming, you were almost positive. 

He moaned himself as he licked a strip up your centre, pushing your knees higher up your body, exposing your clit even more so this time when he rolled it between his lips your hips jerked around uncontrollably, the pleasure too much. You felt him ease off but begged him not to stop, sounding possessed. “No, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”  

He continued, his eyes on you as he made your legs tremble and you dug your toes into his shoulders, clutching at his hair. “You gonna cum, baby?” He husked. You whined in reply, hips rolling into his face with desperateness. “Give it to me then.” He told you, once again suctioning his lips to your clit. 

Your eyes clenched shut as you concentrated on his tongue, panting loudly as the muscles in your gut tightened. Your release hit you seconds later, lifting your hips up with one last burst of energy as he continued to work his tongue against your thrumming clit, your orgasm crashing through you in waves as you cried out. It was amazing, almost euphoric if you wanted to be dramatic (you did), your whole body satisfied and warm. 

Seokjin tried to ride it out as long as possible, but soon you grew sensitive, your hands detaching themselves from his hair to fall limply to your side, chest rising and falling deeply as you tried to catch your breath. He wrapped his fingers around your ankles delicately and placed your legs down on the bed before hovering over your body. He was just as out of breath, your arousal smeared across his mouth and chin, and you kissed him greedily, wanting nothing more. You could feel him rutting against you, attempting to gain just a little bit of relief, and taking pity on him you  cupped his erection over his underwear, giving him a squeeze. He groaned at the sensation, breaking away from your mouth. 

You started to rub him as best you could as he kneeled between your legs, watching your hand at work. He chuckled in disbelief. “You have me so hard, shit.” 

“That is my area of expertise,” you gloated, pulling his dick out of his boxer shorts. You ran your fist up and down it a few times, revelling in the smooth skin, thumb circling the head that was beading with precum. 

His patience was crazy this morning, enjoying the way you touched him so much he leaned in to kiss you again, panting quietly against your lips as you sped up your movements, dragging your thumb across his slit in a bid to spread his arousal. He hissed, jerking into your hand, and you just about lost it. You wanted him, no, needed him inside you. Right this instant. 

You looked him deep in the eyes, your noses practically touching as you gave him a squeeze. “Make love to me, Seokjin.” 

He broke then, unable to deny you or himself any longer. His underwear was gone in a flash, thick cock bobbing as he guided you onto your side, fitting in beside you perfectly. He wrapped his hand around your calf, lifting your leg over his to spread you out a little and then he angled the head of his cock at your entrance, kissing your shoulder as he slowly began to push inside you. 

You closed your eyes as you felt the drag, both of you groaning as he continued to fill you, his hand pushing one of your butt cheeks up a little so he could successfully bottom out. You stayed like that for a while, kissing one another, one of his arms hooked underneath your neck, hand cupping your chin, the other caressing your body, tracing across your stomach before softly cupping your breasts. The sensation had you sighing sweetly, pushing back into him and he couldn’t hold off any longer. 

He thrusted slowly, practically all the way out just to push back in, filling you up over and over. It was glorious, his rhythm eliciting moan after moan, especially as he played with your chest, rolling your hardened nipples between his fingers. You could hear yourself, how wet you were, and you rolled yourself onto your side more, pushing your ass into him in a bid to get more.

He got the message, speeding up as you reached behind and ran your fingers through his hair. He loved that, grunting as he spoke against your ear, “A little faster, baby?” 

All you could do was nod and respond with a garbled noise from somewhere deep within your throat, Seokjin’s thrusts gaining momentum as he started to pound against your ass, his laboured breathing blowing hot air against your cheek. One of his hands dug into the round of your ass, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he growled softly, thrusts purposeful, unrelenting. 

“Let me see your pretty face,” he panted after a few moments, pulling you into him and cupping your jaw. You twisted yourself, half flat to his sweaty chest as you spread your legs too, letting him thrust up into you. Your breasts jiggled with the force of his movements, his tongue pushing into your mouth, kiss sloppy and everything good. 

His breathing got heavier, his movements turning slightly sloppy as he adjusted your body once again so he could kiss and caress your breasts instead. A hand played with the left one as his mouth licked and sucked the right, grunts falling from his lips now as he quickly lost himself. His thrusts got harder and his teeth grazed against your nipple. When you cried out, he loved that, squeezing your boob roughly, tearing another sound from your throat as your walls clamped around him, gripping him for all he was worth. 

You knew he was done for when he sought your mouth again, chuckling huskily as you pecked kisses against his plump lips. You felt his dick pulse, thrusts messy as he chased his end, and then he stilled, groaning as his orgasm hit and he started spilling warmth inside of you. 

He wrapped his arms around you tightly once it was over, hugging you to his body with even more kisses, both of you panting softly, enjoying the come down. In fact, you didn’t want it to end. Gradually falling soft, he stayed buried inside you and made no attempts to slip out. If anything, he was damn determined to stay there for as long as possible it seemed. 

“I love you,” you told him sweetly, sweeping some of his hair out of his eyes, still engulfed by his heat. 

He smiled, practically goofy, still drunk off your lovemaking. “I love you too, of course.” 

And then it was back to kissing. 

You had a week’s worth to catch up on, and an entirety more to look forward to. 

*BONUS*

You (10:25am) Seokjin came over last night, we talked it out and made up 😊

Soojung (10:29am) Finally! ILY and I’m so happy for you best friend! But thanks for the heads up, I’ll be giving the house a wide berth this weekend See you Monday 😘

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

[sambergscott]

notes from the palm springs commentary !! 🏝

i know not everyone has access to hulu and i know i'd be gutted if i couldn’t watch it too so bc i'm lucky enough to have an american friend who let me use her hulu account i thought i'd share the commentary with you all on here <3 

- their first bit of commentary is “there’s a title” (cristin) and “there’s a goat” (andy)... 10/10 anaylsis thanks guys

- andy joked that they talked about waiting for an earthquake but decided they didn’t have the budget to wait that long (he said the glowing lights at the end were real tho 🙄)

- andy: “we’re gonna start off pretty racy” djfdjfkdjgh

- “for all those kids out there, the b99 fans, you probably don’t wanna watch this”.... but andy,, we absolutely Do

- andy was cristin’s least favourite person in the movie

- nyles spread eagle on the bed was in the script not an acting choice

- according to andy there were 700,000 bugs just hatched where they filmed the wedding scenes that they had to edit out in post (also it was suuuuuper cold and cristin was shivering)

- ANDY CALLED HIMSELF A BUTT UGLY WEIRDO. NO SIR. U ARE THE FURTHEST THING FROM THAT.

- the dance move when he clapped his hands over his head “lightly hurt his schlong”

- they had 20-30 options for orchid explosion by fournier, cristin pitched some too that she “does not remember!” (she said that very cute)

- they talk about how great june squibb is and how andy is impressed that she wasn’t complaining about the cold/shooting at 5am/the fact that they improved a lil bit.  “she doesn’t not give a what”

- during the make out scene on the rock cristin goes “ohhh ~spicy~”

- they also had to have a snake wrangler come out before they shot that scene and he was like “uhh i think it’s good?”

- andy was excited about having to get shot by an arrow when he was reading the script (it was also the moment they realised this movie was zanier than first thought)

- the cave was the same place they shot the old batman movies

- they started working on palm springs on november 9th 2016…. hence the wedding date

- cristin said they did about 30 takes (at least) of her opening her eyes/sitting up.. basically the entire first half of the first day shooting she spent doing the same thing

- “i just think you’re the coolest cristin, way to go man!” “you too andy!”

- the beer is fictional and has a meaning behind it.. the tortoise is to do with a myth about the universe or smth

- andy wants someone to make the beer fr

- “so here is cristin in the desert pretending to be hot” “he means physically” “TEMPERATURE HOT… i have no opinions on her appearance”

- they wanted to skip past the set-up-y parts to avoid it being too groundhog day and add diff dynamics and comedic elements that come from that

- according to andy, nyles has been in the loop an “insanely long time” (cristin and andy like that you don’t know the exact number of years bc however many years it’s been nothing has changed for nyles)

- cristin’s fondest memories were spending days in that dusty ass car together (i too would like to be that girl in his car)

- “i like your hat” “of course you do” was improved by andy and jk

- andy said jk is a “national treash”

- andy loved shooting the montage w jk (and he thinks that montage + the scene at the end is why jk signed up to do ps)

- “i went full butt” - andy samberg, 2021

- HE HAS A STUNT DOUBLE CALLED SETH WHO HAS A SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER BUTT THAN HIM (but andy’s butt was funnier so they went with his)

- the very last shot of the movie was nyles getting the handjob in the car

- max or other andy i can’t remember who talked for a while about how talented our andy is. can’t wait for that oscar nom!!!!!

- if andy were in a time loop he’d try to catch up on shows for a few years (and then try and leave)

- cristin is horrified that he’d choose to watch all of MASH to get him through a time loop

- cristin LOVED filming all the deaths

- andy said that their dance scene in the denim jacket replaces every iconic dance scene ever like fame/dirty dancing/etc etc and he’s right

- he dropped her in that scene bc his arms are “weak and floppy like a baby calf”

- the tattoo moment was the only fully improved scene

- they REALLY wanted it in the movie

- cristin insisted on the hook hand and eye patch and they obliged and she said she kept the hook hand and put it on her mantle and andy was like “prove it prove it prove it prove it prooooooove it”

- she did Indeed prove it

- orange in the movie significies intimacy and that whole montage is coloured orange to show them falling in love

- they loved shooting the tent scene

- the first night they filmed it there was a sandstorm and rain and they had to hide under a tarp and they came back the next night and they were able to get looser with it bc it was the last day of shooting and they’d basically done the whole thing the night before

- the dinosaurs bit was a “symbolic moment between the characters - they are 2 people who don’t believe they can be loved so they’re feeling something impossible and therefore they should see something impossible”

- the wake-ups were like an acting exercise in a way bc each wake up was diff emotionally based on where they were in the loop

- nyles finally cares about something (her) for the first time in maybe hundreds of years and he immediately gets slapped down :(((

- “suck my dick officer bitch” was cristin’s ad lib!!! (if anyone makes a montage of her life’s work she would like it to either begin or end w suck my dick officer bitch, andy said why not both)

- “for some reason i rolled up one of my sleeves [after nyles woke up after their fight] and then we couldn’t get out of it so that was a lesson! it was a terrible choice”

- andy loves the overhead pool shot

- everytime andy watches the confrontation at the wedding he feels terrible for tala, we love an empathetic king

- re: roy’s arc andy talks about how important it is to relish what you’ve got and it was v v v v sweet

- everyone laughed so hard in the arrow/garbage bin scene

- apparently tyler’s shirtlessness in the shower was distracting for people in early tests and they had to tone it back w colour correction 💀

- cristin was like “did that happen when i had to take my shirt off?” and andy was like “uh huh yeah”

- the goat was on set for a couple of days + apparently cristin would talk to it in between takes 🥺🥺🥺 can she get any cuter

- max talked about how they lucky they were to get andy and cristin and how the movie wouldn’t have worked without them, they were so on the same wavelength and there was an early meeting where nobody else could get a word in bc they were talking so much

- nobody was in it for the paycheck, “it was for the love, and dare i say it, for the art” <3

- they took 3-4 nights to shoot the entire wedding, andy can Not stress enough how much they were rushing

- they haven’t busted out any bloopers yet bc they used pretty much every frame they could/reused them in different places

- cristin doesn’t want to know if nana knows bc the mystery of it is what makes the movie so great!

- andy said there’s no definitive answer to a lot of stuff bc a lot of the people working on the movie had diff opinions

- the french song w the slo mo bit of sarah in the bar was cristin’s choice

- andy is v confused why people think spuds is nyles’ dad,, he’s just tricking him into getting a ride and andy’s sorry to everyone who thought it was real

- cristin liked that the payoff at the end felt like payoff while still staying true to who nyles and sarah are and not just super romantic bc “it’s a romcom!” [andy said throwing his arms in the air]

- cloudbursting was andy’s idea from the very first meeting about the movie but we been knew

- andy: “here’s the ending! nobody knows what it means!”

- the family at the end was the producer’s family, they drove a very long way to do that 2 second scene lol

- andy and cristin were swaying to when the morning comes at the end 🥺

- andy clapped and shouted “WELL PRODUCED” when his/tli’s credit came up hahaha

[todokanai-suishou]

April 7th

Pairing Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Fluff

WC: 2,5k

Quality: Not yet golden Raspberry, but definitely rotten Tomato worthy

A/N: "April 7th, but it's longer now" finally managed to post the full thing TT_TT. It's still my first ff and I still apologize for the outcome of this, since I usually do music reviews and (bad) poetry:

Inspiration for it & pt2 were Sticky & April 7th by a Band called The Maine

__________________________________________________________

When you first saw him, he was dancing like nobody was watching

when in fact, everybody was.

You were no exception to the other people staring at him while they were shouting names, singing along to the lyrics sung by the 7 people dancing on stage, so stable and well.

And this man? This man didn’t seem to miss a beat. He moved so effortlessly through every song, having the time of his life, dancing and singing and rapping his heart out

- until he first spotted you in the crowd, watched in awe as you got lost in stereo, eyes shut to enjoy the music

- until you opened your eyes to look back at him.

And suddenly the man who was just dancing along to a fun song that luckily had no choreography, froze just like someone who’d be busted dancing with a mob.

He didn’t know what had hit him when your eyes made contact with his, but he just stood there, unable to move until the eldest came and hit him on the head jokingly, followed by the youngest jumping on both of them.

The Dancer snapped out of it at this point and you didn’t have a single ounce of understanding for what just happened. Usually it was Jungkook lagging, but not during performances and out of all the people you’d suspect to stop moving, Hobi would be the last one to.

Until he was. And he looked baffled when he came back down to earth, whispering to both of his friends as they were finishing the song before leaving to change clothes. He couldn’t help from looking back and subtly pointing at your part of the crowd a few times though

and as he kept on, you started to sense something. From the way he looked back. From the way he pointed in this direction..your brain meanwhile got the bizarre idea that it was you who got him that stunned. Maybe he saw someone else in you? Maybe a fansite? “Oh god please not a fansite.” you whispered, barely audible but turning the heads of the girls in front of you as you started shaking...or maybe an ex? You couldn’t pinpoint it but you also couldn’t stop thinking of the possibility that it was indeed you he reacted this way to.

and you were right about him freezing because of you, but dead wrong about him recognizing his ex, or a fansite, or anyone for that reason.

It was cliché but all the thought at that moment was that, even in this dimly lit room - you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever come across.

The way you danced like nobody was watching, because there probably really was no one watching you, all the while lip-syncing to boyz with fun, you were glowing and the way you suddenly stared at him, with adoration in your eyes, that had him overwhelmed.

“You really fell in love at first sight, huh?” Jin laughed in between changes as the younger one told him about what just happened. “I might” Hoseok fell into a stare at the realisation,. “This is crazy,” he whispered to himself. “You might never see them again though.” Namjoon exclaimed drily from across the room. “I’ll try...I guess?” - “What are you going to do, hunt that person down?” The leader raised an eyebrow and Hoseok sighed. “I don’t know.” It wasn’t until Yoongi - who currently fought with his leather pants - spoke up from the corner “just tell the staff to keep them here. Say Hi, see where it goes afterwards.” and while the leader and Hoseok agreed that this could come across as kind of creepy - the dancer gave it a try. He pointed to you, with the glowing green bracelet on your arm, gave them info of where you approximately were or could possibly come out. He did all he could do for them to keep you there and although you were confused, and quite frankly a little scared of what was happening, you stayed.

And god were you ready to fall on your knees and beg not to be sued with every second that passed, making up critical scenarios and what ifs in your head.

All of them were dead wrong.. You didn’t know how exactly he came to be there, but you remember him coming out in baggy pants, a loose shirt, hair that was still somewhat sweaty but at least brushed properly and he had the biggest smile as he came closer while you and a staff member were still jokingly debating whether ketchup was a smoothie or not. With a breathless “Hi.” he almost scared the living shit out of you.

“Hi” you replied, just as breathless and quite frankly confused. Both your Anxiety levels flew through the roof with each awkward second the two of you didn’t speak. It’s ironic how he wanted to tell you so much, but eventually when you were in front of him, sweat still somewhat glistening on your face and exhaustion written on it in tiny letters, he lost all his words.

It was you who, while still holding eye contact, spoke up. “So...you froze before...are you okay?” You nervously rubbed your arm, but he saw his chance. “Yeah, I’m sorry, it was kind of your fault” an awkward laugh followed from his side, making you nervously rub your arm and look down before he followed up “I got mesmerized by looking at you.” and boom, he had all your attention again. Eyes growing big at his comment. “Wait what?” - “I saw you vibe along and somehow, I don’t know. You just amazed me.” Everything after that was rambling as he tried to explain in a way that didn’t seem too forward or make you uncomfortable and apparently it worked when you let out a chuckle “You’re cute, you know that?” - “Cute enough to go on a date with me?” His sudden question left you as surprised as it did him. He didn’t think he’d do it like that, but judging from you freezing like a deer in the headlights, it was too straight forward and pointless. “Ah you kn-” - “Okay.” This time around he was the deer. And your answer? Just hit him like a car. “okay?” he replied in disbelief. “Yes, unless you don’t want to anymore?” you raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. “no, I’d still love to! How does tomorrow sound?” he asked so cheerfully the change of Aura almost threw you off. “Tomorrow sounds great, I think. Afternoon or evening?” - “Brunch?” - “Could work, might not. I usually sleep in on weekends. My body just naturally ignores every alarm clock I have until 13:00…but... I could get my roommate to wake me up with water I guess.” You said sheepishly.

“So...in case your roommate DOES wake you, how does 11:30 sound?” he smiled, screaming on the inside, hoping, praying, putting all of his trust in your roommate. “Sounds great.” You smiled back and at this moment he was a goner. Almost literally, since Jungkook called for the living, breathing sun to come back, because he wanted to go already. “Wait, give me your number so we can figure more details out.” a phone was pressed into your hands. You didn’t take long to type in your number and call yourself, his smile only growing as you handed it back to him. He had your number. He did it. You gave him his number and if tomorrow was going well, he was convinced that he could die happily.

When JK called for a second time he went away though “Well, I guess I really gotta go. I’ll see ya.” he waved at you and you just copied the action, smiling widely at him. “BY THE WAY” he called out after you “YES?”- “Y/N.... The Name fits you.” - “How?” - “A BEAUTIFUL NAME FOR A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN” and with that he was out of the room, and you and the staff member went out in the other direction, with her clearly laughing as you turned as red as a tomato. A warm feeling spread all throughout you, as you walked into the cold air, excited for what was to come, while the man who just asked a total stranger out just ended up happy dancing the entire night, leaving Jimin internally screaming for deciding to room with the manic squirrel and in serious conflict of whether he was just gonna head into Taehyung's room instead. In Hindsight, he probably should have.

Back then, on that first April 7 in the Arena, you met the man who lights up even the darkest days of your life. You learnt pretty fast that it wasn’t all fun and games, and relationships with Idols are hard. Big Hit bought out dispatch when it came to you, but still, not being able to see each other properly..sometimes was difficult, when all you wanted was to cuddle.

So he left sweaters at your place, and you saw each other whenever the other was near, you two made the, partially rough, two years worth the wait and god does he love you for holding on like that.

But exactly you, or the lack of your presence, made it hard for him to concentrate on rehearsal today. Knowing it’s the same day, the same arena, but someone else in your place. You usually took the time for important dates, 100 day anniversaries and birthdays were shared. Hell, the first anniversary you took leave to visit him on tour, but the second one, you informed him you couldn’t watch from the stage like you did so many times before. “Important family stuff.” you told him and the boys knew he wasn’t his usual self. Still whooped the professional part - except for the facial expressions and while the younger ones tried to coax the sun into shining again after the first Rehearsal, it wasn’t until Yoongi snuck up behind Hoseok with a phone in hand.

While the younger ones were still occupying Hoseok, Yoongi facetimed you and held the phone close to Hobis ear and before he could register anything, he heard “HOBI!” from the other line. Resulting in the dancer getting half a heart attack before turning around, resulting in Yoongi just handing him his phone and leaving. “Baby..” you pouted as you looked at his face. “Jagi, I miss you” a pout leaving him too. “You’ll see me soon, baby. I’m sorry I can’t watch like we planned.” - “ I know, I know” he sighed on the other line and you could feel your heart break. Dying to see your man already.

“I’ll see you soon, baby, don’t worry. We can celebrate after the concert tonight. Just give your best today, and if you won’t, you know I’m gonna find out from Jimin, right?” he chuckled at that comment, giving you a bright smile afterwards. “I know, I know. I’ll try.” - “You don’t need to, you were born to do what you’re doing baby. You’ll do great as always. Just picture me in the crowd, I’m always with you in spirit when I can’t be there - and you’ll get endless cuddles and everything else in the world when we’re home so cheer up.” Needless to say, you weren’t the best in cheering people up but weirdly enough it worked as he sighed out “will do.” giving you a smile afterwards. “Good, now go practice and then - go get 'em. I’ll be off too.” - Wait. Jagi?” You raised an eyebrow. “I love you.” He grinned and you could barely get out “I love you too” before he hung up and brought Yoongi back the phone. Somehow falling into a happy dance again.

“What’s with him?” Namjoon cut in, seeing Hoseok dance between doors “Talked to Y/N” Yoongi just replied and the Leader just nodded. This was normal by now. If he wasn’t everyone else's vitamin e - on days like these you were his and while he was still bummed, the sadness was pushed back by him deciding to just do as you told and picture you there. You’d be off work or family duties or whatever emergency came in between by the time he was done. You’d still see each other. It wasn’t what he had planned and you knew it wouldn’t be, but he’d be happy either way. He was happy with everything as long as the end result was you.

So the rehearsals continued. You headed out the house shortly after facetiming him and he put on clothes, got makeup done and set on a smile, all the while still texting you “I love you” being reciprocated with “I love you too, have fun out there.” It was the last text you sent him before you shut your phone off for now. It was also the last thing he read before he got onto that stage.

And while he loved the crowd, he thought the only thing he wanted to happen tonight was for the concert to end. For now.

Until, suddenly, two years after that last April 7th, he froze up during the choreography when he saw a big green heart during Boys With Fun. He couldn’t help but giggle as he read “Hey, sorry I just got kind of mesmerized by you.”

You, ass, stood there, waving that big heart, with that same green bracelet from years ago. Leaving him as amazed and defenseless as you did exactly two years ago and the grin he had on his face as he came to his senses again was second to none. Neither was your surprised reaction as he suddenly came close to your end, jumping over the barricade and pulling you, who stood just close enough to touch, in his direction. Placing his hands on your cheeks, greeting you with a kiss as the people beside you gasped, awed and the Maknae who saw the whole thing just wiped away a fake tear whispering “they grow up so fast.”

That was definitely not how you planned on your relationship being outed, but then again, he didn’t plan to see you here tonight and you, you had a way of melting his brain and making him do things. “Hey” he then said, almost breathless, still entranced and only looking at you. “Hey” you replied smiling. “So, you kinda mesmerized me and..would you wanna..you know, date?” he whispered in your ear, ignoring the music.. “I’m sorry, I kind of have a boyfriend.” you whispered back, laughing afterwards. It was only seconds until your face was in his hands again. “Then what do you say about moving in with him?” Deer in the headlights hobi? More like deer in the headlights Y/N - and this time the truck hit you. You didn’t know much to say, just frantically nodded and he took the time to kiss you again, softly, with all these people still around, and yet, for him you were the only one.

You’ve been the only one for the last two years. You’ll stay the only one for this little eternity he gets to stay with you..

[wizard-of-ozzy]

angst to fluff prompt: The bruises have always been there, he’s just learnt to hide them. (courtesy of @ladyedwina)

As Draco ascended  the spiral stairs that led up to the astronomy tower, he misjudged his step and walked into the side of a marble pillar to his right. “Yet another bruise to add to my growing collection.” He mumbled under his breath; despite no one being around to hear him.

Draco had been taught his whole life to not make any unnecessary sound. Footsteps, breathing and any type of movement were all supposed to be silent. No one was to be aware of his presence at the manor unless he was called upon, lest he somehow mess things up for his father and, by extension, the Malfoy name. That was just one of the small things he had been taught as a child that, once he arrived at Hogwarts and saw how everyone else was, kept coming back to him. How many things had he grown up with that were expected from him that weren’t the norm? Was his childhood really as bad as it seemed to be, compared to those of his classmates? Tonight he ignored what his parents had trained him to do, he heard his footsteps echo around him and fall into his head each step he took. He heard the rustling of his clothes as he moved his arms to propel him further, and the ragged breaths of exhaustion leaving his lips. He desperately needed a break to catch his breath and rest for a few seconds but he wouldn’t allow it; if Draco stopped, he knew he wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t get to where he needed to, would just turn back. It had to be tonight. But maybe he was being loud for a reason, he might actually want someone to hear him. There was no room in his mind for such thoughts, not after he had come up with the plan, if he did it tonight, it would seem like the events of the impending day were the cause, not the stupid little things that stuck, gradually wearing him down. If anything, tomorrow would be a relief; it was his father’s trial, people would expect him to be emotionally vulnerable now and they’d come to their own conclusion based upon it. As his thoughts continued to wander over to his father’s trial, he couldn’t help but question what Lucius would do or say if he knew what his son was about to do. He’d most likely sneer at Draco icily and tut at him before saying, “I never thought you were worthy of the family you were born into, your name and everything it has given you. You disgrace me and I will disown you if you try to do this, just think about what people will say if word gets out that you did this. You would make Malfoys look weak.” Draco shuddered at the mere thought of his father’s cruel, cold tone; only now realising how much of a negative influence he’d had on him.

Draco’s mind then wandered to the Golden Boy himself and thought that if Potter was in Draco’s position, he’s sure that whatever family he lived with would do all that they could to stop him. They’d remind him how much they loved him and get him help and say how much he was worth and that he can always come to them if he needed anything, that they were always there for him no matter what. If only Draco had had the same love and kindness towards him as Harry no doubt had. As if on cue, he rounded the corner and found himself met with emerald green eyes and a very startled gasp.

{.X.}

Harry was just taking off his invisibility cloak, feeling the fresh air hit the skin of his half exposed arms as he looked forward and saw the unmistakable glint of Draco Malfoy’s steely grey eyes falling onto him. A gasp escaped his lips before he could register it. Why was Malfoy up at the top of the astronomy tower at 2:30 in the morning? 

His mind was racing with thoughts and theories as to why Malfoy was up here, so much so that he didn’t realise the fact that he hadn’t stopped staring at Malfoy. Harry was only taken out of his stupor when he heard Draco mutter to himself under his breath, “Well that’s thrown a spanner in the works.”

“Hm?” Harry spoke, not meaning to. “Don’t bother Potter, I’m not here to cause any conflict, I just had something to do.” “Oh, I didn't think you were here to do anything to me, you just caught me by surprise. If I said something, no I didn’t. Anyway, what did you have to do in the astronomy tower... at half two... in the morning?” “It doesn’t matter, nothing important but it had to be tonight.” Draco answered, unsure as to why he was speaking honestly, if a little cryptic.

“Why tonight?.” Harry asked, unable to hold back his curiosity

“Because tonight makes sense, if I do it at any other time, people will think I’m weak.” Getting anxious now, Harry replied, “Do you mind telling me what ‘It’ is?” “Erm… oh, Merlin why not? It’s not as if you of all people would care,” Draco laughed humorlessly, “I plan on- um, on-” he couldn’t finish the sentence, it was too painful to admit what he was about to do; even to his arch-enemy. Although, come to think of it, Draco hadn’t thought of Harry as an arch-enemy for over a year now and in actuality, he didn’t think he ever had. Not really anyway.

Harry didn’t need Draco to finish his sentence in order to know what the pointy blonde was about to say. He wasn’t the most observant person in the world, not by a long shot but it didn’t take a genius to pick up on what was going through Malfoy’s mind, all he had to do was read the situation; Draco was up at the astronomy tower in the middle of the night, he was expecting to be alone and it needed to be done tonight, the night before Lucius Malfoy’s trial.

Without thinking, Harry shucked the rest of his cloak off his shoulder, stepped forward and pulled the Slytherin into his arms, holding tight. He felt Draco still for a few seconds before melting into the embrace and letting his weight be held up by Harry. 

{.X.}

Draco wasn’t expecting Harry to put his arms around him but once he’d done it, Draco found himself burying is head in the crook of the other boy’s neck, a gut-wrenching sob tearing through him as Harry stood there and let his emotions pour out, whispering comforting things in his ears, “You’re gonna be okay.”

“I’m here.”

“Don’t worry, you’re safe.”

“I’m here.”

“Let it all out.”

“I’m here.”

Draco removed himself from Harry’s embrace with a wet sniff and found himself unable to meet Harry’s eyes. “Hey.” he heard Harry say softly to get his attention; looking up, Draco replied, barely above a whisper in a raspy tone, throat dry from his crying, “Hello.”

“Are you okay?” Harry said cautiously

“Yes, I’m feeling delightful, thank you for asking.” He replied without a trace of malice in his voice.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly.”

“That’s okay.” Harry said as he grasped Draco’s wrist between his fingers and pulled him down to the dusty stone floor to sit next to him. Draco complied and let himself be led to the ground by The Boy Who Lived - twice.

The two boys sat in a comfortable silence before Harry broke it by saying, “Please don’t do it.” “Do what?” Draco replied, confused for a second before remembering his intentions that night, “...Oh, that.”

“Yeah, That.”

“Why shouldn’t I though? It’s not like anyone would miss me, I’m just a snarky pureblood that no one likes; and for good reason. I mean, I was a bully, Merlin I treated Granger like utter shite and Weasley too as well as you, Longbottom, Lovegood, Weaslette, the list goes on.”

“You did and I’m not going to deny that because some things you said bloody hurt but now that everyone knows you didn’t really mean it, that you were just saying those things to protect yourself and that the mark was forced upon you, I think most people have pretty much forgiven you. You haven’t done anything mean or disrespectful since the war and everyone did stuff they weren’t proud of in order to survive; you just had to do that from an earlier age.”

“Yeah.” Draco replied, unable to say anything else and surprised at how quickly Harry had cottoned on. He felt understood for the first time in years. He felt like Harry knew this had been a long time coming, that Draco was just waiting for a valid excuse, the words repeating themselves in his head in Harry’s soft voice, ‘you just had to do that from an earlier age.’.

As Draco mulled over what the raven-haired boy had said, his words started to resonate as he thought back and realised that almost nobody had done so much as look stonily at Draco since he’d been back at Hogwarts. Maybe some of what Harry said had been true, of course that didn’t change how he’d been feeling in the first place but it definitely shed some light on him. He continued to sit and think until he was reminded of Potter’s presence by a rather violent sneeze that came from the left of him.

One look at Harry’s face made him realise that, while the hurt was still there, he no longer felt obligated to do it tonight. Instead, he would go to his father’s trial, talk to his mother some and ask if she knew if her Mind Healer had any space for him or knew someone that did but in the meantime, “I don’t want to be alone, please stay with me.” he spoke in a rush, scared that the sound of movement after Harry’s sneeze was him leaving.

“I’m not, don’t worry, I was just getting a tissue although we do need to move at some point, it’s..” he cast a tempus charm and read the numbers aloud, “Oh wow, it’s half three and we need to sleep.” “We do  but I still don’t want to be alone, I don’t think I can be, not tonight.”

“That’s okay, we can go to either Gryffindor or Slytherin, whichever you prefer.” Harry replied, seemingly unfazed at the notion of sleeping in the same bed as Draco.

“Slytherin.” Draco said instantaneously, “it’s a longer walk and I still need a bit of time to clear my head before going to sleep.”

“That’s completely fine with me. Do you need help getting up?” He groaned as he stood, ankles clicking from the sudden movement.

“Erm, yeah, that’d- that’d be good thanks.” Draco spoke as Harry took his hand and pulled him to his feet, not letting go as he started to pull them towards the stone steps, instead squeezing Draco’s hand and settling once more into the comfortable silence.

{.X.}

Harry resolved to keep hold of Draco’s hand until they reached the Slytherin portrait because he knew how much better human contact could make a bad situation feel. That and it just felt right, their hands fit perfectly together; Draco’s hand was cooler than his but not so much that it was cold to the touch, it was just the right temperature and took from the heat of his hand nicely.

As the portrait let them through, into the Slytherin common room, Harry was taking in the new surroundings and didn’t notice something peculiar on one of the leather green sofas just outside his line of vision until he heard Draco grumbling and followed his gaze to see Pansy Parkinson’s dead-weighted body  sprawled over the antique furniture. She had very clearly passed out, drunk. Thankfully, someone had disposed of the empty bottles that had left slightly darkened rings on the coffee table in front of the sofa and replaced them with a hangover potion. Harry looked on in surprise, trying to remind himself that the stigma of Slytherins being heartless is completely untrue. 

In Slytherin, there were many winding corridors to go down in order to reach the dorms, each hallway was filled with mirrors, paintings and various tapestries, placed in such a way to bring a homely feel to an otherwise quite grim walk to the dorms.

Once they had reached the dorms, Harry looked around nervously, seeing if there was anybody awake in there. When he saw that everyone else in the room either had the curtains of their bed drawn or were splayed out on their mattress, Harry let out a small sigh of relief before realising that he hadn’t anything to sleep in or any of his belongings, other than his wand and cloak. He’d just have to either borrow something of Draco’s or sleep in his boxers. Without sparing a second thought, he cleared his throat and decided to ask the blonde, “Sorry if this is a pain but would I be able to borrow something to sleep in? I didn’t think I’d be coming here tonight, obviously, and I’m still just in my clothes.”

“Oh, yeah of course,” Draco replied, rummaging through his clothes trying to find something spare for Harry to wear, “Here you are, I only have T-shirts, I hope that’s okay.”

“Yep, a T-shirt is perfectly fine, thank you.” Harry replied, sincerely

“No problem,” He said, handing Harry the crinkled T-shirt, “I have a favour to ask you…”

“Oh?”

“Do you think you’d be able to come with me to my father’s trial tomorrow, it’s just that I was going to go with Pansy but obviously she’s out of the question now as she’ll have the hangover of a lifetime tomorrow and I would ask Blaise but he’s seeing his mum tomorrow and I don’t know who else would be able to go that I’d be comfortable having there and obviously it’s completely up to you but I really don’t want to be alone.” Draco spoke in a rush, leaving himself breathless once he had finished speaking.

“I’d have to let Ron and Hermione know where I was going in the morning but I’d happily go with you to your father’s trial, it’s no problem. We should probably sleep now, how early do we have to be up?”

“We need to get to the Ministry for eight and into Hogsmeade to Apparate at half seven so maybe half six?”

“Oh wonderful, a full three hours of sleep!” Harry replied, voice dripping in sarcasm

“Yeah, sorry about that but thank you for coming, really I don’t know if I’d still be here if you hadn’t.”

“You’d do it for me.” Harry said softly

{.X.}

The two boys got into the blanketed king-sized bed without a word once they’d got changed. After a few seconds of laying down, Draco’s mind started to run a mile a minute and he tried to choke back a sob but instead made a cat-like gurgling noise that came up the back of his throat. He rolled over to his side, forgetting that Harry was there and was once again enveloped in strong, muscular arms; tighter this time, with more meaning.

Their legs slotted together under the covers as Draco continued to get hugged by Harry and was pulled closer. Harry’s hand was now tangled in his hair and Harry placed a kiss on top of Draco’s head, so light he almost didn’t feel it, leaning into the warmth of the other boys arms, he felt the tears that had been threatening to fall from his eyes subside and started to drift off to sleep.

Draco opened his eyes and found his face nestled in a mess of black curls and dark skin. That was the happiest he had felt in a long time, he felt warm and tingly inside when Harry squeezed him more as he was stirring himself. When Harry awoke, he stretched and then retracted his legs, entwining them more; shifting slightly, Harry repositioned himself and settled in a more comfortable place before lifting his head and placing another feather-light kiss atop Draco’s soft, fair hair. “You okay?” Harry asked, his voice scratchy after having slept

“Not really,” Draco mumbled into Harry’s hair, “but I’ll be fine with you there.” he continued.

“I’m glad, I’ll stay with you for as long as you want me to, whatever you need, just say it and I’ll do it.”

“Thank you. Can we just stay here a bit longer? We don’t need to be in Hogsmeade for another hour and it only takes ten minutes to get there.”

“Of course we can.” Harry spoke quietly, burying his face in the crook of Draco’s neck and taking in the blonde’s scent of citrus fruit and pine wood.

They laid in each other’s arms for a further eight minutes before they heard movement coming from one of the other beds in the dorm, to the left of them. “Blaise,” Draco breathed in Harry’s ear, “he wakes up at this time every day, showers for seven minutes, gets dressed in three and brushes his teeth. We have twelve minutes to get dressed and start making our way to the Great Hall for some breakfast.” “That’s fine, oh shit. I don’t have anything to wear to court!”

“You don’t have any shirts up in Gryffindor? Slacks? Loafers? Oh maybe a jacket too.”

“I have a shirt, it’s too small but I can just use engorgio. As for the rest, nothing except loafers.”

“That’s fine I have spares that you can borrow.”

“Oh great, sorry for not having anything though.” he said, despite being delightfully happy at the thought of wearing Draco’s clothing once more.

“What colour and tone is the shirt and the loafers?”

“Erm, light blue and black?”

“Great, I’ve got a light grey jacket and black slacks, now you just need to run all the way to Gryffindor, I’ll give you the slacks now because I doubt you’ll be back here within, ten minutes now so your jacket and I will be waiting at the Ravenclaw table.”

“Okay, see you there then- wait? Ravenclaw?”

“Ravenclaw. Now go!” Draco half-shouted, getting slightly stressed as they were losing time

“Right, sorry.” Harry said, pulling Draco into a brief embrace before making a hasty exit.

{.X.}

It took Harry seven minutes to get up the Gryffindor tower and into his dorm room. He tried to get dressed quickly and quietly so’s not to waste time or wake up anyone else. He failed. The sounds of thumping coming from Harry in the centre of the room woke up Ron and when he opened his curtains, he stared dumbly at his best friend’s fumbling figure as he wrestled with a blue shirt. “You alright there, mate?” he yawned, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Hearing the familiar sound of Ron’s voice startled him and when he tried to put his foot down onto the ground again to stabilise himself, he stubbed his toe on the foot of his bed and fell to the floor in an ungraceful heap.

“Argh, yeah Ron, I’m wonderful cheers for asking.”

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I was only asking! Anyway, what are you doing and why are you holding your old shirt?”

“I’m holding it because I just Engorgio-ed it so I could wear it today because I’ll be accompanying Draco to his dad’s trial, don’t ask. It’s a long story and kind of personal. Oh also, I almost definitely have a thing for him, no I will not be accepting questions.” He said as he finished buttoning the shirt from his heap on the ground, threw on the slacks, stepped into the loafers and made his second hasty exit of the day, leaving Ron gobsmacked in the dorm.

Harry walked back down to the Great Hall and saw Draco over at the end of the Ravenclaw table, alone and made his way to him, where he was buttering some toast, the grey jacket draped on the chair to his right. Sitting down, Harry nodded at Draco, before settling into a comfortable silence as they ate their food.

{.X.}

Once they had finished eating their breakfast, Harry and Draco left the Great Hall, went through the Entrance Hall and descended the stone steps that led out of the castle. As the two boys left the Hogwarts grounds and made their way into Hogsmeade and Apparated, they had their fingers interlocked, only letting go of each other when they stepped out of the lift in the ministry. Their hands found their way back to one another as they trudged slowly, unwillingly down the dark, damp hallway beneath the Ministry of Magic, shivering as they passed an open window.

As they took their seats in the spectators stand, overlooking courtroom 4, Harry took Draco's hand once more when he saw his face contort in pain as he laid eyes on his father and said, almost inaudibly into his ear, "I'm here." Draco was going to be okay.

[ibijau]

30 day otp - day twenty nine: ?

29. ? - Time to clear things up! A member of the otp needs something explained.

It’s post-canon confrontation time :D (warning for, like, canon. And mentions of infidelity that happened in this setting)

Nie Huaisang had made the trip to Cloud Recesses, asked to see Lan Xichen, and then had turned around at the last minute, leaving Cloud Recesses as abruptly as he had arrived. 

Lan Xichen knew this because a number of people had told him. His uncle, scoffing at that ever indecisive Nie boy. His brother, who knew about their affair even if they had never spoken of it. Wei Wuxian, who had seen his old friend leave. The servant who had walked him to the Hanshi, even. 

It had struck Lan Xichen as odd that Nie Huaisang had needed to be accompanied, when he had a jade token that let him move freely in Cloud Recesses. After some inquiry, Lan Xichen had discovered that his lover had not shown it upon arrival, but had instead behaved like an ordinary guest. The guard on duty had not questioned it, simply assuming that former privileges had been revoked after that incident in Yunping City, as had happened earlier to Jin Guangyao. An assumption shared by everyone who had told him about Nie Huaisang’s visit. 

A wrongful assumption.

Lan Xichen wondered if Nie Huaisang too had believed that. It sounded like something his lover would tell himself, and it wasn't as though Lan Xichen hadn't entertained the idea at first, when anger and betrayal boiled within him. He hadn't though, because he had hoped Nie Huaisang would come and explain himself. 

Lan Xichen wondered why it had taken Nie Huaisang so long to come to Gusu. He wondered also why, after making the trip to Cloud Recesses, he had simply turned around. 

He wondered many things, and apparently the answers would not come to him as he had expected. 

Lan Xichen, who was getting over the worst of his emotions after months of seclusion, decided that he had waited long enough. 

Since Nie Huaisang had failed to come to him, he would take matters in his own hands and travel to Qinghe to get the answers he needed. 

--

"Sect Leader Lan, how kind of you to drop by," Nie Huaisang greeted him in a cold, detached voice. "I hope you will forgive me for not coming to greet you, I was not expecting your visit." 

If the people of Cloud Recesses had been suspicious of Nie Huaisang's visit, those of the Unclean Realm had been as delighted as ever to see Lan Xichen. Someone had led him to their Sect Leader's office, chatting about current affairs of the sect as if nothing had changed. It had almost made Lan Xichen hopeful. Then he had realised that it only meant Nie Huaisang had given no instructions about him, probably because he must not have expected that Lan Xichen would ever visit again. 

"Since you came unannounced, I thought it was still acceptable for me to do the same as well." 

No matter how in control he was trying to be, Nie Huaisang couldn't refrain a shiver, his nose wrinkling ever so slightly. 

"A mistake on my part. I should have expected someone would tell you, no matter my request." He sighed, and gestured at the table. "Let's sit. I suppose you must have questions, and it might take a while to answer them."

Lan Xichen sat down first. His heart clenched when Nie Huaisang sat not next to him, but on the other side of the table. 

"I'm listening." 

"Do you hate me?" Lan Xichen asked quickly. He felt guilty and pathetic that this, of all things, would be his first question, but he needed to know that before he asked the rest. The answer would inform how to understand everything else. 

"Of course not!" Nie Huaisang replied, sounding shocked that it might even be suspected of him. "I could never… For whatever it's worth, I never lied about what I feel for you!"

Lan Xichen let out a shaky breath. There would have been no reason for Nie Huaisang to keep pretending if he had grown to hate him for his role in Nie Mingjue’s death, so he had to be saying the truth. It was a relief. He was not sure how he could have handled it if Nie Huaisang had only stayed by his side because it was convenient, or because he felt it was the only choice he had.

Lan Xichen did not want to have this in common with his father.

“How long have you known what he did?” he then asked, the second most important question he could think of.

“It depends which part of what he did you're asking about,” Nie Huaisang said with a slight grimace he failed to contain. “I didn’t question his involvement in Da-Ge's death until… I think a year and a half after Da-Ge passed away. I was visiting his grave and I noticed something wasn’t right and when I checked, it was…”

“Empty?”

Nie Huaisang clenched his fists and nodded.

“I don’t think the body ever made it to the grave,” he spat. “It would have been easy, I never checked the coffin, I couldn’t stand to… I didn’t want to see Da-Ge like that, and he said it’s be best if we all remembered him as he had been in life, that the Qi deviation had bad effects and I trusted him. He was so nice, he was taking charge of everything and helping so much!”

Remembering the early days after Nie Mingjue’s death, how utterly broken Nie Huaisang had been, Lan Xichen felt an impulse to reach for the other man and comfort him. He stopped himself before his hand reached Nie Huaisang’s shoulder and brought it back to his own knee, unsure the gesture would be welcome. 

“I didn’t suspect him right away, for what it’s worth,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. “Or… I tried to think of other people first. I didn’t want it to be him. He was my friend, and also…” he looked away, a slight frown on his face. “I knew it’d be so hard to go against Jin Guangyao, if it was him. I knew nobody could help me if it was him.”

“If you had told me…”

A bitter laugh interrupted Lan Xichen.

“I tried to tell you,” Nie Huaisang said. “I guess you forgot. I didn’t.”

That came as a shock to Lan Xichen. One small comfort he had given himself these past few months was the certainty that, given the chance, he would have helped Nie Huaisang. That he would have made the right choice, that he would have opened his eyes to Jin Guangyao’s crime much sooner. 

Apparently, he had been wrong about that too. He could not remember such an incident, but with how jealous Nie Huaisang had acted in the early years, Lan Xichen had not always been as attentive to his criticism of Jin Guangyao as he should have been. 

"I'm sorry I made you do this alone," he sighed. 

Nie Huaisang shrugged. "He was your friend, and he was good at hiding. You're not the only one he fooled." 

"He did not fool you." 

"He did. I liked him. I admired him. For a time, I wanted to be him, so elegant and clever and in control. Everything that I should have been. And then, I discovered the truth. I didn't admire him quite so much by the end of it," Nie Huaisang snickered sinisterly. 

Lan Xichen shivered, both at his lover's tone and at the memory of everything his sworn brother had done. 

"How did you find out about the rest?"

Nie Huaisang shivered at that question, avoiding Lan Xichen’s eyes and fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve.

“Here and there,” he muttered. “I just wanted to find what he’d done with my brother’s body, but all my leads took me other places. I had to keep looking though. I couldn’t risk missing a chance, I had to… I’m not proud of what I’ve done, but I had to. Everything I did was for Da-Ge!” he cried out, closing his eyes. “I had to do it.”

“I wish I could have helped. I wish…”

“You couldn’t have helped,” Nie Huaisang spat, frowning deeply as he refused to open his eyes. “Heavens knows I’ve been glad I couldn’t involve you sometimes. If you’d known… you’d have been disgusted by me for some of the things I’ve done. But I had to. He took my brother from me, I had to!”

“I could never be disgusted by you, A-Sang.”

Nie Huaisang snickered shortly, a few tears at the corners of his closed eyes, before proceeding to explain what, exactly, he’d been forced to do in that past decade.

Some of it was small. Nie Huaisang, unsurprisingly, had been forced to lie to many people over the years. He had pretended to be someone else, disguised himself to access places a sect leader shouldn’t or couldn’t have entered. He had paid servants to turn them against their masters, bribing anyone who might have information. He had manipulated people into betraying the confidence of their friends and relatives, talked a half mad young man into destroying his very soul so that Wei Wuxian could be brought back, the only person Nie Huaisang had believed capable of handling the dark energies that perverted his brother’s arm. He had desecrated the tomb of a woman who had never done him any wrong, save by bearing and raising the man who had become his most intimate enemy, and replaced her body with a deadly poison.

Lan Xichen shivered when Nie Huaisang told him about an encounter in a back alley with a man who promised to lead him to a witness of Jin Guangshan’s death. Betrayal sparked in his chest, especially in the light of Nie Huaisang’s intensely jealous personality, but it was hard to hate him for it. The other man’s tone made it so obvious he already despised himself for what he had done more than Lan Xichen ever would.

“I’ve probably forgotten a few things,” Nie Huaisang concluded, a cruel smile on his lips, his eyes still closed. “But now you know exactly what sort of a person you’ve been taking to bed these last few years. My poor Xichen, between A-Yao and me, you’ve really put your trust in the wrong places.”

It was uncanny indeed how Lan Xichen’s two favourite persons in the world had turned out to be so similar, and for those similarities to be so shocking and unpleasant. He was determined to never say it out loud, but Nie Huaisang hadn’t been wrong in saying that some of his actions would disgust him. He had never imagined his lover would be capable of going to such lengths, not even for the sake of a brother he had loved so deeply, whose loss had nearly broken him. It would be a lot to forgive, and it would take time.

But Lan Xichen would forgive him. He knew himself.

“I have one last question,” he stated. “What becomes of us now?”

Nie Huaisang flinched, then laughed, a few more tears escaping him.

“I’m not so stupid I’d ask anything of you,” he replied, finally opening his eyes to look at Lan Xichen with such emotion that the other man shivered. “What happens now is whatever you want to happen.”

His tone and manner made it clear what he expected that to be. If they’d had that conversation on the steps of that temple in Yunping, or right as Lan Xichen entered his seclusion, Nie Huaisang’s fear would not have been unfounded. Now though, with all the pieces fallen into place and the naked, ugly truth exposed before him… Now Lan Xichen knew both himself and the man he loved better than he ever had before.

“Marry me.”

Again Nie Huaisang flinched, baring his teeth in a grimace that did not quite deserve to be called a smile.

“I thought your sense of humour was less cruel than that.”

“I am not joking,” Lan Xichen protested with a sigh. “A-Sang, I’m… I’ve lost too much, I’ve failed too many people. I have spent my life trying to answer people’s expectations and for what? I was fooled by the person I trusted to change the cultivation world for the better, I was made an accomplice to his crimes, all while forcing you to fight alone. I’m tired, and I want to be selfish. I want to get what I really want, and that’s being with you.”

“For two sect leaders to marry would be…”

“I’d step down,” Lan Xichen cut. “My uncle is more than competent to take over. He ran Gusu Lan while my father hid from his faults, while I did the same… it’s ridiculous that he did not become Sect Leader when my father died.”

Nie Huaisang gaped at him.

“You would… for me?”

Lan Xichen barely hesitated before nodding. He’d step down to be with Nie Huaisang. He’d step down because after so many mistakes, he no longer trusted himself to rule the fate of others.

“It would be too politically complicated for both of us to remain in power, and you have no one to take over Qinghe Nie. If we marry, I have to be the one to give up my title. Of course, if you do not want to marry me…”

“I do!” Nie Huaisang blurted out, sounding nearly panicked. “But there’s… are you sure? What if your uncle refuses? And I still need an heir, and… and after everything I’ve told you, how can you still want me?”

“I know how to convince my uncle. We will see what to do about finding you an heir, there must be a number of ways we can solve that problem. And I still want you because you told me what you’ve done, all of it. Unless there’s more you’re hiding?”

Nie Huaisang hesitated for a second.

“I hate the food in Cloud Recesses,” he admitted with a tentative smile. “I’m sorry. I keep trying to make myself like it, but it tastes of nothing and I don’t see the point of eating something that has less flavour than paper.”

Lan Xichen burst out laughing. The joke wasn’t that funny, and Nie Huaisang had never hidden his distaste for Gusu Lan’s culinary tradition, but after so many months of misery and doubts, he desperately needed to feel joy again.

“It’s good that we’ll be living in Qinghe then,” he chuckled when he managed to calm down again. “I cannot wait to be your husband, A-Sang.”

Nie Huaisang smiled at him, crying once more as he eagerly nodded, their hands linking over the table. 

They would have to wait though. Lan Xichen knew he could not elope the way his brother had, not with their positions, not with so much to organise to pass on his title to his uncle and so many eyes already on them after their roles in the fall of Jin Guangyao. 

They still had a hard road ahead of them, but for the first time in a long while, Lan Xichen felt hopeful for the future.

[scullysexual]

Jewel Sequel: Chapter Two.

There’s been a change of plan. I was originally gonna get this out on the weekend (so it had a similar system to what Jewel had) but then I finished it and edited it today so the post day will either be late Wednesday/early Thursday and hopefully I’ll be able to stick to that schedule. Hi, hello, if you’re new to this. This can arguably be classed as a ‘Titanic au’ still cause it exists within that universe. This is a sequel to that and it is highly recommended to read A Jewel Beneath The Moonlight first, it’s not long, it’s thirteen chapters and if you’ve read my stuff before you’ll know my chapters/one shots are never long. You won’t regret reading it either. It’s been a while since I’ve been in this universe but most wanted me to continue with it so here you go. I do really hope you enjoy this as much as you did Jewel. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them :)

Tagging: @baronessblixen @suitablyaggrieved @purrykat @today-in-fic. As usual, let me know if you want to be tagged in future chapters. 

Link to Chapter One.

Scully sighs in frustration as she turns the pages of the newspaper. It was the third one she had picked up so far and nothing; nobody advertising for any job, nobody looking for extra help.

She places the newspaper back on the rack, her hand hovering over the next before…

“We’re not a library. If you’re going to look through it, you better pay for it.”

Scully looks up to see an old man peering down at her from his stall.

Reluctantly, she leaves the fourth paper where it is and saunters over to the counter.

“Yes?” the man asks, warily.

“I was wondering if there had any job requests,” Scully answers, her elbows coming up to lean on the counter.

The man eyes her cautiously. “What kind of job?”

“Nanny, housekeeper, that sort of thing,” she shrugs.

With one last careful glance towards her, Scully watches with apprehension as he pulls a piece of paper off the wall and hands it to her.

“The Burkes came in a few weeks ago saying they were looking for a new housekeeper. They never came back to tell me they found someone so you can always check there.”

Scully looks at the yellowing paper. The address was not of a place she had heard of but it sounded upper class enough for them to have money so it was good enough for her.

“Thank you,” Scully says, exiting the shop. Too busy still reading the paper, she misses the sign If you read, you buy the man tapes onto the newspaper rack.

   Three knocks and she’s stepping back, praying that her appearance is presentable enough for this family to consider her.

Physical appearance had been everything with the other family; hair up, clothes tucked in, and not a single curl out of place. Scully’s curls always fell out of place, regardless.

She hears barking from the other side of the door and smiles. They have a dog.

Out the way, Bruce, she also hears before the door is opening and a boy no older than herself stands before her.

“Uh…can I help you?” the boy asks.

Smiling (just as she had been taught) Scully begins,

“Hi, uh…there was a housekeeper request made and I was wondering if it was still open?” She extends the note towards the boy and he looks down at it, looking as if he’s unsure as to what it is or what to do with it for a second before he’s taking it from her.

“Uh, yeah…just, hold on a minute.”

Scully nods, still smiling, as the door is placed on the latch and waits for him to return.

To say she was disappointed to being back in this position again perhaps wasn’t right. She knew even four months ago that there would have to be an adjustment period, and while her future turned out differently than she imagined before stepping onto the ship, career-wise, it wasn’t entirely off target.

The four months she had been here was really about allowing Mulder to settle. She knows how much of a drastic change this is for him, how important it was for her to be there when he came home every evening- she was his only familiarity anymore, after all- but Scully couldn’t shake away the feeling that maybe she had pushed her dreams too far back, all just to accommodate Mulder.

Had she still been here with Charlie, they would have found the swing of things fairly early on; him at some construction site, her in some upper-class house. And she wouldn’t have to try and get the weekend off.

Charlie…

It still stung to think of her brother.

The door reopens to an older woman, late 30s Scully assumes, holding the note Scully gave to the boy.

The woman looks her up and down. “You’re the help?” she asks, distastefully.

“Aye, ma’am,” Scully nods.

The woman sighs defeatedly. “I suppose you’re better than nothing.” She opens the door the little wider to allow Scully entrance. “Well, come on, then.”

Scully enters and immediately the dog bounding towards her, curious as to who this intruder is. She laughs as the gold Labrador slobbers all over her skirt, not minding at all as she pets the top of his head.

“Edward!” Mrs Burke shouts towards the rooms leading off. The boy who answered the door exits out of the nearest doorway. “Take the dog somewhere else.”

Edward moves towards the dog, gripping it by the collar and tugging it away from Scully. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly.

“You won’t need to worry about the dog,” Mrs Burke says, shutting the front door. “That’s Edward’s job. What did you say your name was?”

“Ingrid Brevik,” Scully answered.

The woman smiles slightly, a smile that tells Scully the woman knows she’s lying.

“You’re real name.”

Scully hesitates for a moment. They had been using their fake names since they got here, every new person they met they introduced themselves as Leif and Ingrid and nothing was said on the matter. Even when they had got to Ellis Island, they had been allowed to pass through immigration fairly easily.

“If will remain within this household if you’re scared,” Mrs Burke reassures.

And maybe Scully was scared. What if they knew the Mulders had been her first thought, was always her thought when meeting anybody. Scully knew first-hand what vultures these people were.

But what if not all of them were? Mulder certainly wasn’t.

“Dana Scully,” Scully finally answers.

Mrs Burke nods, “That sounds more like it. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

Scully gets a tour of the house. It’s easy enough to navigate, give her two days and she’ll be able to walk around with her eyes closed.

She’s finally led to where she’ll be staying. A room in the basement. Minimum furniture; a single bed, a set of drawers yet the added bonus is the small bathroom attached. The last house hadn’t had a bathroom and Scully had been forced to use the one they had outside.

“You’ll work from six to nine every day. Dinner is usually served at seven. Any meals you have are to be had after we’ve eaten. Yes?”

Scully nods.

“Any questions?”

Scully fumbles with her fingers, unsure of how to proceed.

“Um…I have one request, actually.” The woman looks at her, waiting. “Can I have Saturday to Sunday off?”

  An agreement was made. Monday to Friday she would work, for half the wage.

Scully hadn’t tried to bargain with Mrs Burke. She hadn’t been too impressed with Scully’s request but had granted it anyway once Scully explained Mulder. She may not have been truthfully honest, Mulder was far from inept and she had no doubt he could take care of himself if it really came down to it but needs must.

Now she had the task of actually telling Mulder, something she had been dreading since this idea first came to mind. Five days a week Mulder would have to learn to live without her which meant he had a few new skills to learn.

Scully braces herself at the sound of the door unlocking. It opens to reveal Mulder, worn out and dropping his sketchbook onto the floor. He looks over to her, smiling tiredly, taking off his shoes.

“Long day?” she asks.

Mulder smiles in agreement, placing the money jar on the table. Scully’s eyes fall to it and widen when she realises what sits inside.

A dark green dollar bill.

She brings the jar towards her, twisting off the cap.

Mulder is full smiles now, pulling out the opposite chair and sitting down.

“Took a bit of convincing, but I managed to con them into giving that over.”

She looks up at him disapprovingly. “Mulder! We agreed you weren’t gonna use any deceitful tactics.”

“Look, I only did it the once, and look what it got us,” he points to the bill she holds in her hand. “I promise I won’t do it often.”

Scully sighs, placing the note back into the jar and pushing it out of the way. “You won’t have to. I got a job.”

Mulder stares at her in surprise. “Really? Where?”

She slides the note she got from the newspaper stall over to him.

“It’s just a housekeeper. I work Monday to Friday but I get to be home for the weekend.” She smiles, hoping it’ll lift his spirits.

Mulder stares glumly at the note. “You won’t be here for five days.”

She reaches her hand out, grasping his. “But I get to be home every weekend, that’s something right?”

Mulder shrugs, his fingers playing with hers. “When do you start?”

Scully looks down at their entwined hands. “Monday.”

“Monday?” Mulder exclaims. “But what’s in two days.”

“Well, it’s better than starting tomorrow, isn’t it?”

Mulder looks glumly down at their hands. “I guess,” he mumbles. “Scully, how am I meant to survive five days without you here?”

Scully smiles, “I’ll teach you how to cook. That should keep you alive.” Another thought passes through her mind then, one she hadn’t thought about before this moment.

“Mulder, will you be okay at night? You know, with the nightmares and that?”

She watches him think for a moment, a flash of panic crossing his face. Often their nightmares consisted of something happening to the other, or just a memory of what happened that night, and when they would wake up, the other’s presence would soothe them, allow them to go back to sleep knowing the other was safe and alive next to them. With them both being separated, there was a worry that that safety, that comfort wouldn’t be there anymore.

“I’ll be fine,” he says, trying to sound like he was convincing them both. “What about you? I know you have them, too.”

Scully tried to be less vocal about hers. Sometimes, Mulder’s dreams would have her waking up- usually because Mulder’s woke her up- sometimes it was the only way he could really go back to sleep if he knew she was really alive. Scully would just cuddle closer to Mulder, listen to his breathing and fall asleep that way.

She grasps his hand tighter. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

It was going to be strange, being away from each other for so long. They had been in each other’s company since the day they met. They have never gone a day since that day without seeing each other at some point during the same day. Scully just prayed Mulder would be able to manage without her.

[jenniferyoung]

name: jennifer young age: 38 fc: laura vanderroort time in charming: life long occupation: trauma counsellor side: devils positive traits: + valiant, + fierce, + loving negative traits: - worrywart, - insecure, - stubborn children: one boy, 22 years old siblings: one older brother

trigger warnings(please read them carefully, her background is very dark and traumatic): kidnap, abuse, implied rape, teen pregnancy, traumatic child-birth.

this is gonna be really long and i’m sorry. if you actually read it all i’ll give you a cookie

✹ early life was pretty simple, even with a dad and brother in the MC

✹ plans to graduate and go to college to study archaeology

✹ that got yeeted when she was kidnapped not long after her 16th birthday

✹ jenny had been walking home from a friends when she was grabbed from behind and knocked out

✹ she woke up in a basement with her hands and feet chained to the bed. loose enough for her to move around and sit up but not to get free

✹ her captor? turned out to be a man who she’d been seeing a lot of in the last weeks. random encounters that seemed so innocent until right now

✹ he was quite young, late 20′s maybe but he was absolutely insane. completely infatuated with her and thought that by kidnapping her, he could have her for himself and they’d have a happy life. loco maniac with big temper issues

✹ naturally she did try countless times to escape but would be quickly slapped down, only for him to cry and apologise afterwards, “why did you make me do that” as though any of it was her fault

✹ once the abuse turned into physical touches, that’s when her tears dried up and her mind began to go into autopilot. not to mention the drugs he forced down her throat to keep her subdued really took away a lot of her will to fight

✹ it had been two whole months when she finally started accepting her fate. nobody was ever going to find her and as if the man could see that light go out in her eyes, that night he pinned her down and raped her in spite of her pleas

✹ he even had the audacity to call it love

✹ she was pretty much broken after this. especially since she had been a virgin, so imagine how traumatised she was when another 2 months slipped by and she realised she hadn’t had her period

✹ it had been his plan all along, he wanted a family with her because he was convinced “you’ll love me eventually”

✹ it would have been easy enough to break completely but in the following weeks, something really strange happened. instead of focusing on the trauma, on how used and disgusting she felt, she focused on her growing bump

✹ hours alone in the dark, she began to talk to it, as though somehow it was a comfort to them both

✹ the first time she felt it kick was the first time in months she had a spark of life behind her blue eyes. so she did fall in love, not with her captor, but with her baby

✹ at first she did try to hate it, this thing growing inside her that she didn’t ask for but she couldn’t. how could you blame an innocent life for how it came to be?

✹ the following months, she began to put on an act. starting with a smile now and again that looked genuine, to a laugh at one of the mans jokes. making him believe he was winning, that she was slowly coming around to the idea of being with him

✹ for the most part, it worked. the abuse stopped, she convinced him to stop drugging her because it wasn’t good for “their” baby

✹ the plan was to eventually convince him to unchain her. he agreed to unchain her feet, which was a start ( and a relief considering the metal had long since dug right into her ankles )

✹ she waited a few more days but before she could ask about her hands, she felt the first signs of labour

✹ newly terrified, she literally cried and begged him to call an ambulance because holy fuck

✹ obviously he refused and she spent the next 30 hours in excruciating agony. something was not right

✹ she was bleeding, trying to fight the urge to push because her whole instincts were telling her not to, but it was no use

✹ four pushes and a whole lot of banshee screams later, she birthed a baby boy whom she begged to hold instantly, if only to take him out of the mans hands

✹ beautiful. the second he started to cry and looked up at her with his blue eyes she knew there wasn’t anything or anyone she’d ever let hurt him

✹ somewhere between the mixture of emotions, she hadn’t realised that she was starting to bleed out and the panic returned

✹ frantically, she tried to tell the man that he needed to unchain her and take her to a hospital and to her almost shock, he agreed. like he was actually concerned that she was going to bleed out and die if he didn’t.

✹ it was practically impossible to get up the stairs and even harder to hold her son against her chest whilst looking with double vision for something she could use as a weapon

✹ the glimmer of something shiny caught her eye and in a burst of bravery and energy, she grabbed it (a shiny vase on the table top) and swung it around, smashing it off his head

✹ thank god it must have knocked him out for at least a few seconds because she managed to get to and out the front door

✹ that’s when she realised she was still in charming. not only that, but she could see the clubhouse from where she stood & so she ran (hobbled, hopped, nearly crawled w/e) bursting through the doors like something out of a horror movie, dirty and bloody and instantly on her knees because she couldn’t support her own weight anymore

✹ her father, brother and a couple other members instantly flew to her aid. it had to have been nearly a year since she went missing and now here she was, holding a baby and about to die

✹ “he’s mine” was almost all she could manage to whisper as she had no energy to stop one of the guys taking him from her “don’t let him touch him, don’t– don’t let him” don’t let the captor touch her son, is what she meant

✹ it was barely a second after everything turned black and when she woke, it was three days later and she was in hospital. safe

✹ she only asked once about the guy and got the reply from her dad “it’s been handled” presumably she left a good trail of blood for them to find the source. but she never did dare ask, had she killed him with the vase? or did they. not that she cared.

✹ she only went over her ordeal once with her parents, her brother and the mc’s president at the time and then she told them she never wanted to relive it. which suited them just fine because they couldn’t have the guys dead body getting tied to them.

✹ so the only alternative? was to say she had ran away, that she fell pregnant and that’s why she stayed away until she got scared and came home. cue the judgement from the towns snooty bitches

✹ it was a fight and a half to keep her son, with a mother who wanted to support her decision but a father who was adamant she wouldn’t be able to cope

✹ it got overly extreme, she threatened to end her own life if he had her baby taken away & went on to explain that her son was the only thing that kept her going in those months

✹ she wanted to raise him, teach him to be kind and be a good man and to her relief, her father relented

✹ she named him liam because she always recalled someone telling her it meant “unwavering saviour”

✹ the next five years were tough, but she never gave up and she never quit. she focused her energy on her son, on learning to handle her ordeal in a healthy manner. her father paid good money for her to see a trauma counsellor, one out of town who wouldn’t ask questions they didn’t have answers to. the only rules? never tell them her real name (she posed as someone called lucy) and never name the man so it could never be traced back to them

✹ it was an uphill battle and to be honest, even now sometimes it still is

✹ she was inspired by the way the counsellor helped her and decided that’s what she wanted to do with her life now, so she went back to school and studied for a degree

✹ she’s now a qualified trauma and ptsd counsellor with her own office in the hospital. she also does a lot of fundraising for charities that feel close to her heart. domestic violence, etc. etc.

✹ when she was 25, she finally spoke out at a charity auction she’d organised for survivors and it was hands down the scariest thing she’d ever done. but she did it because she wanted to help young girls see that there was always a light at the end of the tunnel. that you’re not defined by your trauma ( she had to tweak a couple facts, such as saying it happened out of town and that the guy got away )

✹ sooo yeah, she’s one tough bitch now. taught herself how to fight and yoo she kicks ass. got a lot of her confidence back and made damn sure she was raising a good boy

✹ there is literally nobody on this earth she loves more than liam and even though he’s 22 now, he’s still very much her baby and her saving grace

bop bop bop there we have it. *hands you a chocolate chip cookie*

connections:

friends

enemies

exes ending on good or bad terms

fwb or past hook ups maybe

someone she councils would be great

her soN liam would be even better. i visualise him as brandon flynn if he could work for you. alternatively, joe keery or dacre montgomery? it’s negotiable

her older brother would be great too

or any mc members who were around at the time her trauma happened

life long besties who would also know the truth whilst everyone else assumed she was some dumb slapper who got knocked up

anything elseeee

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Troubled Thoughts - Patrick Stump x Reader

Requested by me: It’s the reader’s birthday on tour, but she’s having a shitty day, and Patrick who she shares a room with, tries to make up for everyone else forgetting about her. Reader: female Warnings: alcohol, insecurity concerning body image, about 3 ideas mixed into one story, aka chaos Word count: 4 437 A/N: 1. I’m still sick, so there’ll have slipped more errors through the proof reading than usual. 2. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. 3. I want to dedicate this to everyone out there whose birthday falls on a holiday of their culture/religion that is fixed in the calendar (e.g. like Christmas in Christianity). I know how much it sucks when everyone is busy with the festive activities etc. and completely forgets about you. This story is for us.

Surely it had to be every musician’s dream to spend at least one of their birthdays on tour, surrounded by their friends, travelling the world, making music. And it had been your dream too, your birthday being Boxing Day. As a child you had never had friends over for your birthday, because it was a holiday, and instead you had celebrated with your family.

When you had been little, you had been disappointed, but growing older you had always enjoyed the time with your family. That was about the same time as you realised that you had never gotten a birthday cake before. It was always a big drama, making the birthday cakes for your siblings, but for you? When you had asked your mother about it, she had said there were still so many baked goods in the house, mostly Christmas cookies and chocolates that it would be crazy to make even more.

Another thing, and that was by far the most painful one, was that, other than your parents and grandparents, every single person, most years including even your siblings, forgot that it was your birthday. All your friends were so busy with Christmas, complaining about their families and their presents that they completely forgot about your birthday. God forbid you would have forgotten their birthday though.

And over the last years you could not help like feel as if the people who already liked to use you to drop their problems, took you for granted, not even wondering when you had come into this world for them to use you. After you had joined the band Fall Out Boy, it had gotten better, mostly because you had been able to drop these people, but you still usually celebrated your birthday with your family.

This year was different. Somehow the label had had the brilliant idea you should play shows on the days from the 27th to the 30th of December, so you would be back home just in time for New Year’s Eve. Not that you were looking forward to that evening either, knowing all of your friends had plans that did not include you, but that’s how life was sometimes.

Generally you would not have minded spending the day cramped into the narrow seats of a plane, or running across gigantic airports, trying to catch the next flight. You were not the kind of person who wanted to be in the centre of everyone’s attention, you did not want everyone to focus on your birthday, but if you were honest, you would have expected a bit more than a pat on the shoulder and a “Happy birthday, (y/n).” “Oh right, it’s your birthday”.

Now you were sitting on the blanket of a sterile hotel bed, contemplating your life, and feeling miserable. Pete, Joe and Andy had gone out with the crew but forgotten you were still on the bus, leaving you and Patrick, who had not wanted to join them, behind. Deciding it would be the best to claim one of the rooms into which your manager had already checked you in, you had taken your night bag, and made your way to the shared room. Patrick and you had agreed that it would make the most sense to share a room, since this way you would not get woken up when the others returned.

Through the door to the en-suite bathroom, you heard the water of the shower running. You had already taken a quick shower, which had not at all helped to make you feel any less self-pitying, but you decided for once you had a right so mop around. Patrick would go to sleep soon anyway, so he would hardly be bothered by your bad mood.

Unhappily you looked down your body, and wiggled your toes. Recently you just felt uncomfortable in your body. It was like your skin was an additional layer of clothes, old, dirty clothes, and all you wanted to do was rip it off. Sadly that was kind of impossible, so all you could do was being a miserable little lump on your side of the far too huge bed. Seriously, as long as you were sharing with Patrick, you would not have minded if the bed had been smaller.

You had always liked Patrick, but recently your adoration for the chubby lead singer with the shoulder long, strawberry blond hair, had grown a lot, and while you knew the chances of him even just considering being with you were infinitesimally small, you could not help your fluttering heart, or the little glances when he was not looking.

A few minutes later the water got turned off, and you heard Patrick rustling around in the bathroom. You remembered vividly how much the idea of Patrick taking a shower with just a thin hotel room door separating you, had thrown you off just couple of months ago. But now, after having shared a room with him countless times, you had gotten used to getting your mind back under control.

When he finally left the bathroom, dressed in shorts and a shirt that was several numbers too big for him, his hair dishevelled and still wet, you were still sitting on your blanket. From just sitting around, you had started to notice that it was actually pretty cold in here, but you ignored it the raised hair on your arms.

Patrick rummaged through his belongings, putting away his shampoo and day clothes, not really paying any attention to you. That gave you another opportunity to just look at him. He was concentrated, hunched over his bag, his back a soft round shape that made you wonder what it would feel like to wrap your arms around him now. It had been ages since you had been in a relationship, or even anywhere near one, but you felt like hugging your significant other unexpectedly would be something you would do. But Patrick was not your significant other. The thought hurt you, and the pain reminded you just how awful you had felt all day; like an object that was around, but not really noticed.

Just when your self-deprecating thoughts had reached a new high, Patrick turned around, picking up on your mood immediately.

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong?”

He placed something next to him on the bed, but you did not care to look, because he crawled up on the bed next to you, worriedly reaching his hand out for you.

“Nothing, just- nothing,” you replied, fighting to hold back the tears of anger and disappointment. Why were you so emotional about this all of a sudden?

“Because you’re not home with your family on your birthday?”

Patrick was not so easily satisfied with your answer, he always wanted to help, and that was just one more reason why you loved him.

“Because nobody even remembered it’s my birthday,” you asked back, looking up at him.

His eyes were wide, and full of concern, a strand of his hair adorably dangling at the side of his face.

“I actually wanted to do that now,” he explained, “maybe I should have said something earlier, but I wanted to surprise you.”

Quickly he grabbed the things he had placed on the bed next to where he was sitting now, and showed them to you. He was holding a small bottle of sparkling wine, just enough for two people, a box of chocolates, and a tiny bouquet of flowers. How he had hidden all of these was an unsolvable miracle to you.

Had you successfully kept your tears in check earlier, you now failed. Overwhelmed by Patrick’s sweet gesture, you started crying, confusing the poor man.

“What’s wrong, (y/n)? Hey (y/n)?” Concerned he reached out for you once more, and gently placed his hand on your knee. “Did I do something wrong?”

Unable to answer immediately, you just leant forward, and hugged Patrick, who quickly wrapped you in his arms. He was warm and soft, he smelled of the shampoo he had used to wash his hair, and his regular breaths managed to quickly calm you down. Slowly he drew small circles into your back until you had recovered from crying.

“Thank you so much, Patrick, for thinking of me,” you whispered and eventually pulled back.

Patrick’s cheeks were dusted over with a hint of pink, and you gave him a smile through your tear wet lashes.

“Of course, I mean, it’s your birthday!” He remembered the small gifts he had gotten you. “So uh, I mean, happy birthday?”

You laughed a little at his insecurity, and nodded.

“Thank you, this is perfect.”

Patrick opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again quickly as if he had remembered that it was not appropriate to say what had been on his mind. Instead he nodded towards the flowers.

“I’ll get a glass with water so they don’t dry out,” he explained, and quickly scrambled off the bed, giving you the impression that he was almost embarrassed about something.

“Can you bring two glasses for the sparkling wine, too?”

“You wanna open it now?”

You knew Patrick had not intended for the edible presents to be shared, but right now seemed like the perfect moment. Otherwise you would just carry the things around with you the whole time.

Patrick popped his head out of the bathroom and gave you a long look.

“You don’t have to, you know? I didn’t mean to-“

“I want to open it now,” you interrupted, “it’s my birthday, can’t I do what I want?”

Patrick chuckled at your childish argument, and returned a couple of seconds later, carrying a glass with water in one hand and two paper cups in the other.

“This is going to be so fancy,” he joked, when he showed you the cups.

He placed the glass on your bedside table, and you quickly put the flowers in. The bouquet was made from white roses and baby’s breath, framed by green pine tree twigs and holly, a big, red amaryllis being the centre of the arrangement.

Patrick crawled back up on the bed next to you, this time a little closer.

“Wanna open this,” you suggested, and held out the bottle with the sparkling wine to Patrick.

“Don’t you want to do this yourself,” he asked confused, “it’s your present, you should have thee honour.”

“I’m scared the cork will fly out,” you explained, still holding the bottle for him to take.

��So if everything goes wrong it’s my fault?”

Laughing Patrick took the bottle.

“Of course, I need someone to blame.”

Giggling you watched how he carefully pulled out the cork, until the bottle made a small plop. Much to your relief there was no sparkling wine flying everywhere. Quickly you held out the paper cups, and Patrick split up the contents of the bottle between the two.

“To you,” Patrick raised his cup, “Happy Birthday.”

“And to you,” you too picked up your cup, “for being such an amazing friend.”

Patrick smiled, and you clicked your paper cups together before taking a sip of the sparkling drink.

“So… how are you, we haven’t really talked that much lately,” Patrick asked, leaning against the headboard, pushing his pillow behind his back.

“I don’t know, fine, I guess?” You tried to distract yourself from Patrick’s question by tearing the plastic film off the box with chocolates. “How are you?”

“Upset, because I know you’re lying.” You could feel Patrick’s eyes in your back. “Come on, (y/n), it’s clear you haven’t been yourself lately. Even if you don’t wanna talk about it, at least don’t sell me for silly, and admit that something’s off.”

Trying to delay your answer, you turned to Patrick, and offered him the opened box, to take a chocolate, but he just grabbed the box out of your hands, and put it aside. It was clear he wanted you to be honest with him. Swallowing hard, you shrugged.

“I don’t even know myself,” you admitted, “it’s just… everything feels wrong at the moment, and I can’t tell you why.”

That your feelings for Patrick played an important part in it, you did not mention. For one it just felt wrong to have feelings for your friend in the first place, but having these feelings, and them being unrequited felt even more wrong. Sure, the fact alone that you were in love with someone who probably saw you as their younger sibling did not make anything better either.

Patrick nodded at your answer.

“But you know that if there’s anything you wanna talk about, you can always come to me, right?”

“I know, thanks,” you mumbled, but at the same time you knew you would not take him up on his offer.

For a while you sat in silence, and even though the small amount of alcohol had temporarily made you feel warmer, you started getting cold again, and shivered.

“Are you cold too,” you eventually wondered, and turned to Patrick.

He had finished his drink a while ago, and placed the cup on his nightstand.

“So it’s not just me,” he chuckled.

Pushing the untouched box with chocolates back over to you, he got up and walked over to the heater, carefully placing his hand on the metal.

“It’s icy cold,” he noticed, while you packed away the chocolates, and scooted underneath your blanket, hoping it would keep you warmer. Patrick bent down to check the little knob where you could decide how warm the room should be. “It’s already on the highest setting.”

He sighed, and walked back over to the bed, getting under his blanket as well.

“Should we tell the reception,” you wondered, trying to avoid your teeth chattering.

“If you like, but honestly don’t think they’ll be able to help much,” Patrick shrugged.

You could feel him move under his blanket until he had found a comfortable position. Trying to distract yourself from the cold and Patrick, you wondered what your family was doing right now, but thinking off them only made you sad again. The lamps on both Patrick’s and your bedside tables were still on, and you were about to suggest to turn them off, when Patrick spoke up.

“Are you still so cold?”

“Definitely,” you nodded, having pulled up the blanket up to your nose.

“Maybe they have additional blankets in the wardrobe,” Patrick suggested and quickly climbed out of the bed again.

Sure enough there was a woolly blanket on the highest shelf of the wardrobe, and Patrick had to get to his tip toes to reach it with his fingertips. Once he had managed to pull it out, he sighed again.

“It’s just one,” he stated, holding up the grey fabric, “we’ll have to cuddle up.”

You were about to protest, not sure your heart would survive being so close to Patrick, but he added with a smirk: “plus we can share body heat.”

Knowing that he was right, you decided not to speak up, but you could feel your heartrate picking up speed as he walked back over to the bed, and climbed back in.

“C’m here,” he encouraged, stretching his arm out for you to cuddle into his side.

Hesitantly you scooted over until you were next to him, trying to keep a few inches between the two of you. Patrick grabbed his normal blanket and threw it partially over yours, so they were overlapping, in order to keep the little warmth underneath the blankets. Then he unfolded the woolly blanket, and spread it over the two of you, making sure you had enough fabric covering you.

When he lay back down, you decided to blow all caution in the wind, and scooted a little closer. You felt worn out by worrying, and being sad and angry all day, so all you wanted was some warmth and feeling Patrick close. But almost as soon as you had closed the last inches, Patrick stiffened. Concerned you turned your head, and found that he was looking at you, a blush starting to rise on his cheeks.

“What are you doing,” he asked, but he did not sound annoyed or angry; he sounded insecure.

“Cuddling up, like you said,” you explained, worrying you had overstepped your boundaries.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Confused you looked at Patrick.

“But I do want to, what about you,” you wondered quietly.

“I- I would love to, but it’s fine if you feel uncomfortable,” he replied, looking away, and started studying the pattern on the blanket.

“Why would I feel uncomfortable?”

“Because- I- god, I don’t- “

“Because what? Patrick, what’s wrong?”

This time it was you who insisted on an answer. You knew Patrick could be terribly insecure and anxious sometimes, and you hated that he started to feel that way around you. If anything you wanted to trigger the exact opposite of these emotions in him, make him feel loved, safe, adored.

“Because I’m… you know? Not very attractive?” He still did not look at you, his gaze flickering through the room, and his voice was barely above a whisper as if he was scared you would laugh at him. “Like… I’m chubby and I know people don’t like my hair, and I totally understand if you don’t want to be close to me, if you feel repulsed by me. I know everyone is anyway, so please don’t torture yourself just because I was cocky earlier, and didn’t think stuff through.”

Shocked you sat up a little.

“Patrick, look at me, hey,” gently you placed your hand at his cheek, carefully tilting his head so he would look at you, “you are beautiful, you hear me? I totally love your hair, and I love that you are so soft and warm and perfect to cuddle. And I know what it feels like not to like your body, but please don’t assume that just because you don’t like it, I don’t either. Because I do, and I’m glad you asked to cuddle up, okay? But, of course, if you want some distance-“

“No!” Patrick interrupted you forcefully, but quickly lowered his voice again. “I… just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable because of me.”

“I’d feel the most comfortable right by your side.”

“Are you sure,” concerned he glanced up at you.

“One hundred percent,” you assured him, giving him a little smile, hoping he would believe you, and it seemed he did.

“It’s just… sometimes I have these troubled thoughts,” he tried to explain, “and then I feel like I’m just a bother, and doing everything wrong, and ruining everyone’s day.”

“You made my day today,” you let him know, slowly pulling your hand away from his face. Why did this feel so terribly intimate all of a sudden?

“Oh, okay,” Patrick quickly turned his eyes away from your face, and cuddled deeper into the blanket, as if he wanted to hide from you, now that you knew what was going on inside his mind.

“Sometimes you have troubled thoughts and a self-esteem to match,” you quietly noted, slipping back under the blankets again. It was still not very warm, but better than without anything, and slowly you felt Patrick’s body warm up the blankets at his side. The warmth was tempting, just like him.

“Yeah, I guess. Hey, that sounds like a line that would go into one of our songs,” he exclaimed.

“Pete read his notes to me the other day, I just quoted him,” you giggled, amused how he was able to change the topic so quickly.

“He’s weird,” Patrick laughed.

“That’s why he writes the texts.”

For a while you lay in silence again, close but not touching. More than once you wondered if you should scoot over, cuddle into Patrick’s side again, but you were scared he’d react as insecure as the first time.

Eventually he spoke up again.

“I never told anyone how I feel about my body and all,” he confessed, making you turn your head and look at him. The lamps on the nightstands were still burning, making his skin glow orange. “Thanks for not laughing.”

“Why would I laugh,” you asked, again shocked that Patrick seemed so insecure.

“Because it’s stupid,” he shrugged, and turned to his side so he was facing away from you, as if he hoped to end the conversation that way.

“It’s not stupid, Patrick,” you tried to tell him, and reached out for his shoulder, gently placing your hand on it, “it’s obvious that it’s something that you worry about a lot, so it is important, simply because you think about it. Just because it’s something that isn’t important to other people, doesn’t mean it can’t be important to you. And if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me too.”

Patrick did not react, and for a moment you wondered if he had fallen asleep, but then he reached up to his shoulder, and wrapped his fingers around your hand. Slowly he turned back to you.

“Thank you,” he smiled sadly, “you always know what I want to hear.”

“I’m not saying what I think you want to hear but what I think is true,” you corrected him, making him nod carefully.

“I know… that’s good to know.”

For a while you were lying in bed, facing each other, his fingers intertwined with yours. Neither of you dared moving, and instead you just studied his face carefully; his cute nose, his pink lips, and his beautiful blue eyes.

You were not even aware of what you were asking until the words had been spoken.

“Can I kiss you?”

Patrick’s eyes widened slightly, and you felt yourself getting sick at the thought that he surely would reject you, and ask you to leave now.

“Wh-what,” he stammered out, blushing again.

“I just though-“ quickly you sat up in bed, ready to leave as quickly as possible, while the blankets pooled around your waist, allowing the freezing air of the hotel room to brush over your skin. “I really wanted to kiss you, but I thought I should ask- I’m gonna leave.”

But before you had gotten the chance to move any further away from Patrick, he pulled you back to him by the hand he was still holding. Before you even understood what was happening, he had grabbed your face with his free hand and pulled you in for a kiss, his lips hot and soft against your cold ones.

For a moment you forgot how to breathe, and your head started spinning almost painfully. Quickly you used the hand Patrick was not holding to prop you up over him in order not to lean all your weight on his chest. The kiss was hot and desperate, almost needy, as if he was trying to get as much from the kiss as possible before you would pull away, which in his mind was only a matter of seconds away.

But when he realised that you returned the kiss just as feverishly, that you did not pull away immediately, that you kissed him back and the fingers of your hand, which he was holding, closed only tighter around his, he finally allowed himself to relax a little. Carefully, testing, he slowed the kiss, and you followed his lead perfectly, a little sigh, or whine, he was not sure, escaping your lips as you pressed closer to him.

He ran his fingers along your jaw and into your hair, holding you close before flipping you over, causing you to squeal in surprise, but the sound from your mouth was muffled by his lips. Now it was him hovering over you, and you took the opportunity to use your now free hand to wrap your arm around his back, pulling him ever closer against you. It did not take long until the kiss slowed down more and more until in the end you were just lying there, lips motionless pressed against each other’s, noses gently touching, forehead against forehead and uneven breaths filling the little space between you.

Eventually Patrick rolled to his side, and then to his back, giving you space to breath, which you did not want. Not having him so close by made you feel empty and lost. A little whine came over your lips, one that made Patrick look at you, and you quickly moved next to him, wrapped your arms around his chest and nuzzled your face against his shirt.

Patrick giggled quietly, and placed his arm around your shoulder, this way being able to pull you closer to him, and with the other hand he rearranged the blankets that had been pushed to the side during your little make-out-session.

“You know that there’s no way I’m ever letting you go now, right?”

Patrick’s voice was husky and deep, and his words both made your heart grow and ripped it apart at the same time. Just a few hours ago you would have thought it to be impossible to ever end up where you were now, cuddled into Patrick’s side, him holding you close and declaring he would never let you go. Yet here you were.

“Good,” you answered quietly, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

You could practically hear Patrick’s smile, making you smile too, and he gently kissed your hair.

“Should we turn out the lamps?”

You nodded and for a few painful, and cold, seconds you sat up to turn your lamp off, Patrick doing the same. Quickly you cuddled back into him when he had lain down again, and his arm immediately wrapping around you again.

“I love you,” you whispered, part of you almost hoping he had not heard you.

But he had. You could feel him freeze for a moment before his grip on you tightened and he gently pulled you even closer to him, leaving absolutely no space between you anymore.

“I love you, too, have since I first met you” he whispered back, making your hear flutter, and you tightly grabbed onto his shirt, making sure not to hurt him.

For a while you were lying in the dark, your eyelids growing heavier and heavier. You had painted small patterns against Patrick’s soft chest, but now you hand was calmly resting on his stomach, following the even breaths he took, the air he exhaled slightly blowing against your hair. His arm around you had relaxed, and you were certain he had fallen asleep already. Knowing he was feeling safe, and hopefully happy, you finally closed your eyes too, and fell asleep, cuddled against Patrick.

Taglist (if you want to be added or taken off, please let me know):

General: @justawriterinprogress​ @robinruns​ @jayloverthe3rd​ @lookalivefrosty​ @butterfly-writes​ @angelevansfalls​ @rene-royale​ @500240​

[mithranqueersmusings]

Before This Dance Is Through IX

Chapter: 9/16

Rating: U

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

"I'll leave you out here to have your little tantrum, alright? I'll be inside when you've calmed down." John spat, quickly storming back into the club without giving a second glance to his friend.

What was his problem? Tonight was supposed to be fun. John always seemed to encounter that problem: whenever he was trying to have a good time, which was almost all of the time, someone had to go and ruin it by getting upset over something or making everything all serious for no real reason. He was sick of it, even if Ringo was his best friend he wasn't going to put up with tonight being derailed.

Ringo's words had stung him deeply, as much as he wasn't willing to admit it, even to himself. John had heard time and time again that he wasn't sympathetic enough, but he didn't view himself that way; more often than not people didn't even tell him what their problems were then would suddenly explode out of nowhere and blame him for not noticing the fuse being lit. Ringo rarely did, this was one of the few occasions he let his emotions get the better of him and John didn't have the patience, not tonight.

There was only one person left who'd give him the time of day right now, and that was Paul. John shoved his way through the crowds more aggressively than he needed to, but it at least felt good to exert the anger somehow, and asked the first dancer he saw if they'd seen Paul. His name was Stuart, he'd been working at the club the longest therefore he knew John the longest; when he'd first started coming here Stuart had been his favourite, but that all changed when Paul came along. It had gotten past the point of John even needing to ask where Paul was, if any of the workers saw him approaching they immediately knew what question was going to fall from of his lips. That didn't stop John from asking though, just because it was a strip club didn't mean he'd forget his manners. Stuart had given an unsure answer, John always thought he was a little bothered about being replaced by Paul but that might have been his ego talking.

John continued his search, trying to ignore how sticky the carpet was as he tried to move around - whose idea was it to put a carpet in a strip club? It didn't take long to find Paul, he usually always had a crowd of a few people around him and tonight was no exception. As soon as Paul noticed John he politely ended whatever conversation he was having and headed over to him, as he always did. The spat with Ringo had made John forget the reason they were even here tonight, or at least why he was here: to see Paul like this. He looked absolutely breathtaking, if John didn't know any better he would've thought Paul was biologically female. Makeup sculpted his already feminine face, his long eyelashes even longer and darker, his plump lips even plumper. He was wearing the highest heels John had seen so far, a black platform boot which went all the way to his thigh. Over his body was a dusty pink chiffon robe, loosely flowing over his bare arms, which he hadn't shaved much to John's approval. This sight was exactly what he'd been waiting for, and now that he'd seen it all the frustration about what had just happened seemed to melt away.

"You alright, love?" Paul asked, he stepped away from the group he'd been talking to and brushed John's elbow to turn his body to face away from them "Fancy some privacy?"

John let out a weak laugh "I don't have any money." He admitted "I was kinda hoping Ringo was gonna bail me out."

Paul chuckled and John couldn't help watching his coloured lips curl "Is that why you brought him here, so he could pay for your dances?"

"Well it wasn't not the reason." John felt himself easing up already, Paul's hand was still brushing against his arm.

"I can take my break and we can sit in the back, if you want to." Paul quietened his voice a little.

"Sounds like a plan." John never wanted to seem too enthusiastic when Paul suggested this, but he didn't think he did a great job of hiding it.

Paul nodded and started walking around the edge of the stage until he came to a door marked only for staff, he had to punch in a combination on the wall before the door unlocked. This was far from the first time that John had sat with Paul in the back room, in fact he struggled to even remember the first time it'd happened.

As much as John had wanted Ringo to believe he'd only been coming to the club recently, it was a gargantuan lie. John had been coming here for years and the majority of that time had been spent with Paul. The first time they 'met' unfolded with Paul approaching John who had been sulking in a booth surrounded by empty beer bottles. Paul had later explained that he went over to him because he had looked eccentric, with his multicoloured striped trousers and brown fur coat - not to forget the pin.

"Eccentric means one of two things: money or trouble." Paul had explained much later "I don't need to say which one I got from you."

John had been immediately taken with Paul, though he'd never tell that to anyone, with his doe eyes and honeyed voice. When it had gotten to the point that John couldn't afford any dances, Paul had offered a couple for free; the exact wording had been that it'd be put onto John's tab, but so much time had passed since then and no such tab had been paid off. Eventually though, Paul made it clear that this imaginary tab wasn't limitless and that he couldn't make a living off of charity. John had been determined to find a way around it but money hadn't been easy to come by for him at the time, no publisher was interested in his poems and he had no clue what to write his next book about. Paul had caught wind of this, namely because John had gotten drunk and complained about the abysmal condition of his life, and thus a strange new transaction began. Paul loved poetry, and there was no joy greater than discovering a work that nobody else had read before and through John he was able to experience this joy over and over again.

When Paul had suggested to John that he could pay him in poetry, he burst into a fit of laughter that didn't subside for several minutes at least. Once he realised Paul was being serious, the most productive writing period of his life began. The two of them never discussed the poems themselves, it all transpired like an illegal art deal as John would hand over the shabby piece of paper and Paul would accept it with a smile, slipping it into his pocket - or wherever he could fit it - then would lead John away to a private space. Unfortunately, the love Paul had for John's poems wasn't going to pay the bills either and even this had to come to a halt. Yet all was not lost, for Paul had discovered very quickly that when John was craving to see him, he wasn't really desperate for a lapdance, rather he just wanted some intimacy with someone, someone who couldn't express any judgement. This realisation led Paul to inviting John into the staff room, it wasn't completely unheard of for dancers to do this but it was mostly reserved for friends rather than customers, where the two of them would sit and chat over a drink or two.

It was policy to keep a bottle of alcohol in the staff room at all times, just in case of emergencies. But as the manager wouldn't allow anything to be taken from the bar, it meant an array of cheap and often obscure liqours being brought into the room.

"What have we got tonight?" John asked as they took seats by the mirror - luckily Paul was always here to distract John's gaze so he could avoid looking at himself.

Paul stuck his head under the countertop and returned clutching a bottle "Amaretto, it looks like." He read.

"That's barely alcohol." John scoffed as Paul set up two glasses in front of them "Well, at least I can drink it straight."

"Think we need to make a rule that if it's not at least 30% it shouldn't be under the counter." Paul suggested as he poured a healthy amount for the both of them.

John was already drunk enough, but he was never one to turn down free alcohol. They cheersed one another and drank a fair bit before slamming the glasses back down. There was nobody else in the room, as was often the case on a busy night like tonight. Before John had laid eyes on it, he'd expected the changing room to be some kind of kinky sex dungeon with whips and chains on the wall, so naturally he'd been very disappointed to see it was like any other changing room, except with a lot more glitter and a better smell.

"So, do you wanna talk about it?" Paul asked, looking at John through the reflection of the mirror.

Their chats almost always started this way, John had noticed that very early on. Whatever answer he gave, Paul would always respect it. He never understood why Paul just let him ramble on about his problems, or expect Paul to ramble on to distract him from said problems. In the end he supposed it was cheaper than therapy, he could only suppose since he'd never actually been.

"I'd love to, but I can't really. Ringo would kill me." John explained with a sullen look.

"I understand." Paul smiled softly "Whatever's happened I'm sure it'll be fine, you've been friends forever after all."

"For sure." John mumbled, and that was Paul's cue to begin the distractions.

"Tonight's been a right ballache, no pun intended." Paul began inspecting himself in the mirror "When I suggested it, everyone was all for it and now it's all 'Paul, my feet hurt' or 'Paul, this bra makes me look fat'."

"I think it was a great idea." John took another swig of his drink, his eyes were focused on Paul's reflection.

"Oh yeah? And how would you rate the illusion out of ten?" Paul smirked.

"Ten." John answered bluntly "If I was straight, I'd be having a right crisis after seeing you."

"It's a good thing you're not then." Paul rummaged around in a bag that was on the counter, eventually pulling out some mascara and touching up his makeup "I've just had the best idea."

"You'll never charge me for a dance again?" John suggested with a grin.

"You wish, love." Paul winked "No, what I actually had in mind was trying some of this makeup on your lovely face."

John paused "And why would you wanna do that?"

"It'll be fun! Don't you want to see what you'll look like properly done up? I bet you'd make a pretty girl." Paul urged, he was already laying out his makeup out.

"I've worn makeup before, Paul." John stated somewhat defensively.

"Eyeliner and tinted lipbalm doesn't count." Paul retorted, gesturing with the tube of mascara.

John sighed in resignation, scooting his chair a little closer to Paul's, who beamed in excitement. It was moments like this that made John want to question exactly what this dynamic was, he wanted to avoid the word relationship at all costs. On the one hand they saw one another every week or so, always dropped whatever they were doing to speak to the other and had spent hours of time doing nothing in particular besides chatting and laughing. Yet they'd never exchanged numbers, they didn't even know each other's last names and neither of them had explicitly expressed that they enjoyed spending time with one another. Sometimes John thought Paul did it merely to keep him as a loyal customer, and once he realised he wasn't going to be getting any money from him in the future he'd drop him in an instant. But here Paul was spending his only break trying to cheer John up, he didn't even need John to tell him that something was wrong, he just knew. Perhaps John had gotten so angry with Ringo because he'd been able to admit what John had never been able to. Perhaps.

The two of them continued talking and joking with one another as Paul delicately painted John's face. He'd almost finished John's second eye when his phone suddenly vibrated. John didn't need to check it to know it was Ringo, most likely apologising, and so he paid no notice to it. All of this would've blown over by the morning, he saw no point in dealing with it now.

"Aaaand done." Paul announced proudly, he leaned back in his chair to get a better look at his work and his smile only grew.

"This better not inflate my ego any further, I've already got enough issues because of that." John prefaced before he turned to look at himself in the mirror.

The sight absolutely stunned him. Naturally he had to move a little closer to the mirror so that he could get a proper look, a strip club was the last place he'd ever wear his glasses. Most interesting was how Paul had almost painted his own face onto John's, it was like looking at some strange feminine hybrid of the two of them. What John loved most was the eyes, how smoky and alluring Paul had made them.

"After all these years of people telling me to go fuck myself, I can safely say that I would." John turned his face from side to side to get a full view.

"You look gorgeous, John. But that's nothing new." Paul's eyes were filled with joy as he watched John's reaction.

"You're proper good at this, maybe when you get too old for stripping you could be a make up artist." John suggested jokingly which earned him a glare from Paul.

"The day I get too old for stripping is the day you earn a steady wage." Paul quipped back, the two of them began laughing before the door suddenly opened dramatically.

Behind the door was Stuart looking fairly alarmed, it was no surprise that he knew to find the two of them back here. He didn't even question why John was currently covered in makeup, it wasn't the strangest thing he'd caught them doing.

"Bloody fight's just broken out." Stuart explained as he walked into the room, Paul immediately rose up from his seat.

"What happened?" Paul asked desperately.

"I dunno. Two lads just started going at it, think Spike might've been involved." Stuart explained "They've both been kicked out now, it's all fine. Just thought you'd like to know."

"Nothing worse than missing a good fight." John added, he thought that Stuart had been speaking more to him than to Paul.

Just as Stuart opened his mouth to speak, the door opened again, and Spike walked in. He paused when confronted with the sight of everyone looking at him, as though they'd been expecting for him to show up.

"If you stare any longer I'll have to charge." Spike made his way over to his locker and began to change, he didn't seem phased by John being able to see him.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Paul walked over to him, inspecting his face and arms for any damage.

"I'm fine. Some prick just got a little too big for his boots and someone stepped in to help." Spike turned to look at John "It was your friend, actually."

"Not very bloody likely." John gaped "Are you sure?"

"Short guy with a beard. Wears a lot of rings." Spike detailed "That's him isn't it?"

"Shit." John sat back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh "Didn't think he'd go that mental."

"Someone's gonna have to cover my last dance cause I'm not going out there again tonight." Spike ignored John's words and focused on Paul and Stuart "I'm sick of these creeps, I tell you."

"I'll cover for you." Stuart responded almost immediately "Are you gonna be alright?"

"I can get you an Uber home." Paul chimed in, looking around for his phone.

"No, no, it's fine." Spike paused and took in a deep breath "I just need to get out of here."

He'd changed out of his previous outfit, it couldn't really be described as clothing, then headed back over to the door. With a quiet muttering of goodbye, he was gone. Stuart soon followed after him, he didn't tend to stick around too long when Paul and John were on their own. Paul sighed as he sunk back down in his seat, any time anything like this happened it always took a toll on him; it just brought up memories of all the times something similar had happened to him. Now wasn't the time to dwell, not when he was meant to be making John feel better, who was currently gazing off into space.

"Are you gonna go looking for him?" Paul asked, more of a suggestion than a mere question.

"Nah." John sighed, picking up his recently refilled glass "Sounds like he's in a right state, I'd probably only make him worse."

"You should text him at least, it'll make him feel better." Paul pressed his hand onto John's knee.

John paused "You're right." He breathed then pulled his phone from out of his pocket.

Ringo responded almost immediately which was a good sign, it meant he wasn't completely pissed off with John. As much as he knew Ringo wasn't going to take him up on his offer to head home with him if he'd been refused entry, he offered it all the same. All this was very much rehearsed, up until the next message Ringo sent. He was going out for drinks? With who? Wait.

"No fucking way." John almost gasped which alarmed Paul.

"What? What?" Paul leaned forward to try and get a view of the phone.

"He's going for drinks with Spike." A huge smile spread across John's face "Ringo, you bastard."

Paul didn't respond immediately, he took a moment to process exactly what John had revealed with those words and how in retrospect everything then made sense. Instead he picked up the rapidly emptying bottle and topped up their glasses.

"Good thing we've got our own drinks here." Paul said somewhat quietly, then picked up his glass to cheers with John once more.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." John mocked, but both of them knew all to well that he wasn't joking, it was probably the most genuine thing he'd said all night.

[kaspbrak-tozier-reddie]

I Swear, Bill

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of suicide, mentions of blood, slight mentions of Reddie and Benverly

Requests opened

———————————————————————

It was a normal night, Patty was finishing up dinner and Stanley was doing a puzzle in light of stimulating his mind.

As he went to place a piece into place, his phone buzzed on the glass table, scaring him. It was an unknown number from Maine. “Hello, this is Stanley Uris.” Stan answered.

“Stan it’s Michael Hanlon from Derry.” The unknown caller responded.

Stan’s mind tried to recall, Derry? Where had I - oh. Oh shit!

“Mike, Oh My God! It’s been what 30 years? What’s up man?!”

“27 actually. But unfortunately it’s not good news.”

Stan almost immediately dropped the phone once he hung up. He had a good life, he didn’t want to return. He had a wife, a good job, a lovely house, wealthy. Why would he want to go back to that ghastly place?! Sure there was some great memories, the Losers, the quarry, Bill. But the bad outweighed the good.

Pennywise

Pennywise was back and terrorising Derry?! Stan couldn’t give two shits about it but this was a chance to see his friends.

“Patty, I’m just going to have a shower.” Stan called to his wife, while he was half way up the stairs.

He turned the tap, for the bath, on and got out a razor blade. He didn’t want to but everything that was coming back to him pushed on his mind. It was overwhelming but then he thought back to Bill.

“Oh lord! I’m just as stupid as fucking Richard!” Stan whispered to himself. He placed the razor blade back where he found it and simply just had a bath. “I swear, Bill. I’ll come back.”

**

It was a 2 day trip for Stan. He knew he missed the happy reunion before the bullshit that was to follow.

Stanley pulled up at the only inn in town. It was maybe just as old as he was as it was a newish inn back when he was a kid and now here it was 27 years later. The paint was chipping and asbestos was obviously laced in with the paint. Great, he thought, I’ll probably have cancer from breathing that shit in. Maybe Eddie is also freaking out, he was a hypochondriac afterall.

He checked into a room and walked up the stairs only to hear screams. He ran up and was faced with a bleeding Eddie, a Beverly who looked like she was about to pass out, a Richie who was concerned for his life long crush (literally) and was pissed off at whoever did that to Eddie and Ben who had no clue what happened.

“Stan?!” Ben asked.

“Oh my god Stan! We thought you weren’t coming!” Bev chimed.

“Yeah yeah hi Stanley Urine, it’s great to see you again but can we focus on Eddie who was almost fucking killed!” Richie huffed.

“Ah, still the same old pining Trashmouth.” Stan retorted.

“What?!” Eddie demanded, confused with what Stan had said.

“Been a day and you still haven’t told the fella.” Richie was about to throw hands at Stan’s comment. “Gee Rich thought you got some balls after you kissed him at graduation and asked him out!” Richie removed himself from Eddie and was about to hit Stan but Bev and Ben stepped in between them.

“You’re one to talk. What happened with you and Bill? Never told him your feelings?”

Stan recoiled and walked in shame towards his room.

He loved Patty, she was great. She was everything he ever wanted. Even though she didn’t cook often, she was a fantastic chef. But then there was Bill.

Stan’s heart pounded whenever he saw Bill’s photo in a bookshop advertising his latest book. He always wondered why Bill looked familiar and now he knows.

Stan realised his crush on the ringleader back in senior year of high school. It was only minor at first and thought it was just one of those man crush things that will pass.

But as time went on, Stan was turning down girls left right and centre in hopes that Bill would notice him.

Sure enough graduation came and Stan worked up the courage to finally tell Bill but Bill had gotten himself a girlfriend a few weeks prior.

He had watched Ben and Bev kiss while getting their robes. Bill kiss his new girlfriend during Stan’s valedictorian speech. And finally Richie kiss Eddie deeply during the hat toss.

He could’ve sworn that Richie and Eddie got together and same with Ben and Bev but clearly that never happened. Or maybe it did but the further away they got from Derry the more they forgot.

As Stan forgot about Bill, he found himself saying yes to more dates and finally settled on a nice woman in his final year of college and married her 4 years after. No other man was as attractive as Bill was back when they were in high school. Or maybe it was just a man crush.

A knock on the startled him, making him jump a little. “Stan, we’re going to Neibolt.” Ben said, “Bill’s gone there already.”

“Okay.” Stan called back.

He had to quickly get his shit together before going. He had to be in the right mind to face tge blasted clown.

*

As they all walked to Neibolt, Stan got massive anxiety. Flashbacks of the 7 of them standing in front of the boarded up abandoned house. “Eddie, do you have the asthma puffer still?” Stan asked.

“No.” Eddie replied, “all I’ve got is an empty one that I’m throwing in as part of the ritual.”

“I have his spare.” Richie replied. Eddie watched as Richie handed Stan the inhaler.

“Did you make a stop at the pharmacy to get that?!”

“No, I’ve held onto it after high school. I couldn’t part with it, I never knew why.” Richie shrugged. The spare puffer had no expiration date but it’s ingredients proved that it would never go off. So Stan took a few puffs.

“Oh my god! Just admit your feelings to each other!” Stan yelled.

Eddie and Richie looked at each other in horror. It wasn’t a secret that they liked each other and Stan’s birdwatching hobby and attention to detail (his OCD in other words) helped him realise the signs. The signs that Richie and Eddie liked each other. It was also the same with Ben towards Bev and in the end Beverly to Ben.

“Bill you don’t have to do this alone!” Bev stated as soon as they reached the gate.

“You guys didn’t have to come. I want to kill this fucking clown!” Bill huffed. Classic Bill, always the hero.

“He didn’t stutter once.” Richie muttered like he had 27 years prior. “Bill. You made us walk through shitty water, you punched me in the fucking face when we were kids. You also made me beat the living shit outta the clown to save your sorry ass!”

“We’re killing this motherfucking clown once and for all, with you!” Eddie finished.

The 7 grown adults entered the building. It was worse than Stan remembered. There was dark green goop everywhere coming from upstairs. Parts of the stairwell were gone as were some of the floor.

Richie had said something to the whole group but Stan was too caught up in his regret to hear it. Just like it was back in the day, he didn’t want to go in. He didn’t want to go down into the sewers. The only time he voluntarily went into the house was when Eddie, Richie and Bikl were attacked which led to a fight between Richie and Bill because of Eddie almost bejng killed.

As the group went down the well, 1 by 1, Stan tried to regain his courage he had when he left his home. He knew that if he didn’t find it soon, he’d be killed in a heartbeat.

He watched as Bill stopped walking for a split second, so that he could walk with Stan. “You didn’t have to Bill.” Stan whispered.

“I wanted to, besides you weren’t there last night.” Bill retorted. “Tell me what you got up to.”

“Well, I became an accounted, I married a wonderful woman and have a beautiful house. You?”

“I became a writer and I married Audra.” Bill said. So that was the girl that Bill started seeing in high school. Great! “But I’m not happy.”

“What?! Bill?”

“I love Audra but there’s always been someone else that I’ve loved. He’s a renown birdwatcher but I don’t know if he still is. He had this lovely dirty blonde hair that could pass off as brown in certain lighting.”

“Bill I -” Stan was cut off by seeing a rise in the water levels. It was bare back when they defeated the clown the first time.

Stan stood back as he watched all the others swim towards the mound of wood in the centre of the sewer. But Bev was pulled under, Stan’s instincts kicked in and he dove after Bev as did everyone but Eddie.

*

After the ritual failed and everyone came back together aftrr facing their fears. Well Bev, Ben, Richie and Eddie. Richie was put into the deadlights. “Hey asshole!” Eddie screamed, he aimed a fence post, that Bev had broken off, and threw it into the clown’s mouth.

Richie dropped but Stan knew what woukd happen and by the look on Richie’s face, he knew too.

Next thing Stan knew, he was bolting towards Eddie, pushing him off Richie and moving the two men away just as the claw from the clown’s spider like body came down. Richie escaped with a small puncture to his forearm but he too was safe.

“We need to make him small.” Eddie said. “He could resize himself but we need to find a way to make him small and weak.”

“He didn’t like it when I called him a ‘sloppy ass bitch’.” Richie noted.

“You’re just a clown! Nobody fucking likes you! You’re a motherfucking loser!” Stan started screaming. More and more insults left his mouth, none of the losers could say much as they watched Stan’s confidence grow.

Richie ripped off a leg and started wacking Pennywise with it. As Pennywise deflated, Bill grabbed the supernatural being’s heart and popped it. IT shattered and the walls started collapsing.

*

They all ran far from the Neibolt house and down to the Quarry. “Before we go in, I’d like to show you all something.” Richie announced. They all followed him to the kissing bridge, not too far from where they were.

There in big block letters was a ‘R + E’ the E was faint but there. Stan watched on and looked at Bill, but wasn’t smiling at what was happening, his face was pulled in a frown.

“Bill?” Stan questioned.

“Audra ... she uh. She was taken by IT.” Bill started. “They found her car at the gas station in town, and her uh, her body looked as though someone had eaten her heart.”

“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry Bill!” Stan hugged his best friend.

“Yeah but um, seeing that Richard has gotten his confidence. I feel like I should tell this man.”

“Dude your wife has just died!”

“I know but I was still going to tell this man and divorce Audra.” Stan was slightly uncomfortable, he knew Bill was talking about him but he loved Patty. Although any feeling that Stan had towards Bill, wasn’t completely gone.

“Bill I’m married and so are you, technically.”

Stan quickly caught up to the others who were waiting for Stan and Bill to show up so they could jump as a group.

“You okay?” Mike asked.

“No, Bill admitted his feelings towards me but we’re both married and I don’t want a divorce.” Stan admitted.

“For godsake! You wanted him throughout all of senior year.” Ben said.

“We get it, you love Patty but you love Bill.” Richie said.

“Choose who makes you happy. Don’t listen to these dickwads.” Eddie stated.

His first thought as he pulled out the razor was Bill. The first person he mentally apologised to was Bill. The person he was most excited to see was Bill. As much as he loved Patty, she was way down the list of people he was apologising to.

In fact she wasn’t on the list at all! On his mental apology list was first Bill (his crush), then Richie (his first ever best friend), Eddie (his second best friend) and then Ben, Bev and Mike who later followed in the Summer of ’89.

As Bill finally entered the clearing of the cliff, Stan kissed him. He knew who made him happy and as much as he wanted it to be Patty, Bill was there for him in his moments of need. Much like Richie for Eddie.

“You’re my Richie to my Eddie.” Stan said to Bill, loud enough for the Losers to hear. Bill cracked a smile and kissed him again.

“Oh good lord! I’m offended!” The Trashmouth said fakely and placed a hand over his heart.

“Beep, beep, Richie.” Eddie said. “We jumping or what?!”

[sex-storytime]

Under My Skin

It had been months since I last spoke to Jeff, last I'd heard he was having some difficulty with his life, and it just so happened that it coincided with one of the worst times of my life, too. In hindsight, we really could've been a great help to each other at that time, but it just seemed easier to not even try. We had always been great friends, and at times it seemed like we were just getting too close to each other, and honestly, that scarred the hell out of me. I wasn't ready for something serious, I knew it, so I kept getting with guys that I knew at heart were going to let me down. I always knew that Jeff never would, but like I said, I just wasn't ready for him yet. I guess I couldn't accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, the feeling I had about him from the beginning was right, that he was the one.

Now, I'm not proud of doing this, and to this day I still regret every time it happened, but I ghosted him again. I stopped talking, texting, everything, and it really hurt him. It hurt me, too, but it hurt him more, and I can't blame him for giving up and washing his hands of me. At that time, I really was a shitty friend, and after thinking about it, he was right, he deserved much better than my seemingly flaky bullshit. I had resigned myself to never start that horrible cycle again, the same one we'd been through many, many times over in the previous years.

A mutual friend of ours had just died, and Jeff was the last thing on my mind at the time. Even seeing him at family night and the funeral didn't make me think of him in anyway, until the night after. I just couldn't stop thinking about him after that. I laid awake all that night, wondering how he was doing, and I was actually worried that he'd found himself a girlfriend, and that I was too late, that I'd wasted every last chance I had to be with him, and now I was left to wander the rest of my life, bouncing from one failed attempt at happiness to another, never settling, never finding true love. Never having Jeff.

That part scared me even worse then, and I knew that despite the initial awkwardness, and the embarrassing apology, I had to find a way back into his life again. Hell, even just as friends if it had to be that way, I knew I needed him, and I hoped that he would be just as patient and forgiving with me as he'd been all the years prior. It turns out, he wasn't, he really had moved on without me, and now I had to really work at it to get him back.

I called him once, on a Friday night, but chickened out when I got his voicemail and hung up. I started to hope that he wouldn't recognise my number on his phone. It was a silly thing to hope for though, as there was no way he'd actually forgotten it after seeing it everyday for months, and even years on end over the past decade. I dreaded what might happen next, no matter what it would be. Either he'd call me back eventually, and I'd have to admit my feelings to him, or he'd just ignore it, and I'd be crushed just like he was when I ignored him. That waiting time was the worst, because between my call and his, both were very real possibilities.

Then, the next morning, just as I was waking up, it happened, he called me back. In the time between me seeing the caller-id, and actually answering the phone, millions of things ran through my head. Everything from what we could be, to what we might not have the chance to be anymore, to everything we'd been through so far. I decided that if he gave me another chance to be in his life, I wasn't going to throw this one away. It was time for me to grow up, I was 24 after all, and he'd been so great to me in the past, it wouldn't be fair of me to go at it with any other attitude.

On the third ring, I finally answered. "Hey, Jeff. I'm glad you called me back."

There were a few moments of silence as he formulated his response. I was terrified of what he would say, or wouldn't, and I must have turned as pale as the sheet I was sleeping on. "I'm on my way home from work. I'm about an hour away right now, why don't you get out of bed and come to the house for coffee. We need to talk."

This was it, this was the critical point where it could all go wrong if I wasn't brave about it. He'd already texted me months ago with his last coffee offer, and of course I just ignored it. I couldn't say no now, not that I wanted to, this was exactly what I was hoping he'd say.

"Absolutely!" I managed to blurt out finally, "I'd love to, I'll get dressed and meet you there."

"Okay, good. You can't stay for long though, I just got off a twelve hour night shift, and I'm exhausted. Work was ridiculous." With that, he just hung up, he didn't wait for me to say goodbye, didn't wait for me to ask where he was working, or what he was doing these days, he just ended the call right then and there. I'm not going to lie, it stung, and it didn't make the conversation ahead of us seem very promising. It was almost like he just wanted to get it over with and be done with me, once and for all this time, like I'd finally run to the absolute end of his patience. 

Maybe though, I thought to myself, maybe if I show him that I won't hurt him again, he'll let his guard down and let me back in. I mean, the coffee offer was a good start, and the fact that he actually called me back and invited me over to his house was almost promising. I knew I didn't deserve it though, and I knew that if the only words he said to me when we got there were "fuck you, Rachel," that it'd be fair. 

I jumped out of bed and put on my sexiest pair of underwear, a black thong with matching push-up bra, my favourite blouse, and my most revealing miniskirt. I paired all that with my favourite boots and looked at myself in the mirror. This was stupid, he knew I only had A-cup breasts but to be honest, I needed to feel good, I needed the confidence boost, because at the time, although hopeful, I felt like the lowest person on the face of the planet, and to him, I might be, considering everything I'd put him through.

I took everything back off again, laid it all out on my bed, and jumped in the shower to get cleaned up and fix my hair and makeup. After I got cleaned up and got my hair in order, I decided to skip the makeup in lieu of the natural look. I knew that he liked that better because every time he'd woken me up with a cup of coffee in his hand, it seemed like it would make his face brighten ten fold to get to see me that way. God, I really missed living with him. Nobody else ever looked at me like he did when we'd wake up, and here I'd just taken it for granted all this time. Hell, none of the guys I'd ever dated even bothered to make coffee for me before waking me up; most of them either asked me to do it, or didn't mention it at all and I'd have to ask. That was usually met with, "Yeah, get me a cup, too while your out. And how about doughnuts?" Jeff never even dared to try getting me up in the morning without making coffee first, even if it meant getting up early when he didn't have to, because I had to work and he wanted to make sure I was up on time.

When I realised that, I felt like an idiot. Here he was this whole time, and I'd just come to expect him to always be there, even when I wasn't. I'd really just made everything all about me, and rarely, if ever gave him even close to the same amount of consideration. It'd be a damned miracle if he took me back as a friend, much less put any kind of trust in me ever again.

I had to just stop thinking about it or I'd go hide under the covers, and we'd be right back to where we were before, with no future at all. I splashed some cold water on my face, got dressed, and walked downstairs to my parents kitchen. I left them a note by the coffee maker that I was going to see someone, then crossed it out and wrote that I was going to see Jeff instead. Mom and Dad always liked him, I could tell, but they never dared to suggest we date because, as I figured out later, they knew that would make me disregard the idea forever, just to spite them. I signed my name to the note and headed out the door to my car.

It was hot and humid that morning, almost sticky as I walked across the yard to the tree I'd parked under the night before after work. I checked my watch before climbing in, shit. He was probably home at that point, waiting on me, and it was going to take me half an hour at least to get there. Suddenly, for the first time ever, I felt guilty for making him wait. I pulled out my phone and texted him that I was on my way, and I'd be there in 30.

I didn't expect a text back, but almost immediately my phone buzzed in my hand. "Be careful," was all his reply said, and it felt like my heart was going to melt through my feet like the core of an overheated nuclear reactor. I totally threw the speed limit out the window as I drove the twenty five miles to his house. I was just ten miles out when I looked at my speedometer, 85. So much for careful I thought.

When I pulled up in the driveway it felt like time had frozen solid, and all the feeling had drained from my body. There was his house, his car, all as I had left them all that time ago. For the first time ever, I felt like I was looking at home, not because it was familiar though, but because Jeff was there.

I finally snapped myself out of it and began the walk to his front door. As I climbed the steps I noticed that he'd left the front door open for me, like he usually did, inviting me to let myself inside. Just as I had a thousand times before, I did so, closing it behind me to look around for him. I took a few steps inside and heard the shower running in the bathroom. I walked up to the door and knocked. "I'm here," I announced to him as I heard him rinsing the soap off his body, then shutting the water off and grabbing his towel.

"You know the drill, make yourself at home, the coffee should be ready any second now." Just then that familiar sound of his coffee maker beeping came from the kitchen, signalling that it was done brewing, and ready to serve the always wonderful coffee he loved to make for us. I walked in and grabbed a cup from the cabinet, and got his favourite cup from the counter to rinse it out. I poured both cups full, emptying the pot. He always knew exactly how much to make for the both of us, only making a cup each at a time so that it didn't burn in the pot, even though we'd both be ready for another sooner than that could happen.

He walked out of the bathroom wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. Holy shit he looked good. Had he been working out? It certainly looked like it. His hair was much shorter now, and he'd shaved all the usual stubble from his face. Before I could catch myself my jaw dropped a little, he looked so grown up now, though he'd hardly changed, I saw him a lot differently than I ever had before. Gone was the guy from high school, and in his place stood this man of the dreams I never knew I'd had.

A few beads of water rolled down his neck and onto his chest, getting wicked up by the sparse patch of hair in between his pecs. I picked my jaw up off the floor and swallowed loudly before licking my lips. I probably looked stupid just standing there, but he didn't seem to notice. "I'll be right back, just going to put some clothes on," he said as he turned back towards the bedroom.

Damn, I thought to myself as I put his cup down on the table next to his spot on the couch, then taking mine before I decided to subtly scoot closer to the centre of it. As soon as I saw him I was hoping that he'd sit around in his towel for a little while like he used to, but no, he was going to cover up that incredible body of his, just as I wanted to actually pay attention to it. Served me right I suppose, I'd payed no mind to it before, why shouldn't he cover it up if it was going to go unappreciated. 

A few minutes later, after I'd calmed myself down a little, he emerged from his room wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking somehow hotter than before. I looked him over shamelessly, drinking in every detail from his black trainers, faded bluejeans, to his forearms, then back to the jeans to eye the bulge that I'd tried so hard to ignore in years past. I really had been missing out on a lot, and I mentally kicked myself for not seeing it sooner.

As he walked into the living room with his usual, cool, Gary Cooper walk, I got the insatiable urge to, forgive the French, fuck the ever loving brains out of his head. He smirked at me with his knowing half smile as he moved towards me. Oh God, I was biting my lip and staring right at him! I hadn't had an orgasm in months, and I guess I wanted one more than I thought I did. I had to ease off of it before I made an ass out of myself again. I blushed and looked down at the floor, then scooted myself closer to my side of the couch.

I realised what I was doing, I was trying to take my mind off of him sitting next to me. I think Jeff knew what was going on, but he didn't let on that he knew. Damn him for always being so good at reading me. He never made a move though, because I was stupid and used my words to contradict what I really wanted, but only out of embarrassment and nervousness. Then he really surprised me. 

"Look," he started out as he took a sip of his coffee, then lighting one of his own cigarettes. "I know why you're here."

"I want us to be friends again, Jeff." Why did that sound so weird to me? Oh, it's because I've avoided at all costs calling him by his name. Why? Because I was a stupid, power hungry asshole that got off on psychologically torturing people, probably because I wanted to hurt them before they got the chance to hurt me.

"We can't be friends, Rachel." I shuddered when he said my name. We've tried it time, and time, and time again over the years, and it just doesn't work." His deep blue eyes were piercing what felt like the bare fabric of my soul. It hurt, and I wanted to cry and run away then and there, but he continued. "We get close, but not close enough to get past each others walls, and when we hit those walls, that's when the bad shit happens."

"I know," I said, defeated as I looked down at my feet. It was like the entire world was being pulled out from under me. Why did I have to come here, why couldn't we have just done this on the phone? Oh yeah, I deserved it. Honestly I probably deserved a lot worse, but this was bad enough.

"Look, if we become friends again, we're just going to destroy the friendship once more, and the cycle will continue where you burn the bridge, then expect me to rebuild it. Why not light the motherfucker from both ends this time?" The question shocked me, what did he mean?

"What are you saying?" I asked, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

"I'm saying that if we're going to destroy it again, why not do it in the most spectacular fashion possible? That fits both of our personalities, doesn't it? You know, go out with a bang."

I was still confused, did he mean that he wanted to try one last time? Did he mean that we should hash out everything that was wrong between us right there so that we'd hate each other? What was he getting at?

"Be my girlfriend," he said bluntly. "Be the girlfriend I've seen you be, with everyone else you've dated. Honestly, when I saw you with them, I thought to myself, 'that's the Rachel I want. That's the Rachel I've always wanted,' plus every damn time you'd come to me complaining that they didn't love you the way you wanted, I realised that what you were describing to me was exactly how I've always wanted to love you, but haven't been able to because you wouldn't let me. Think about it." His eyes were still on me, cutting so deeply into my soul that I thought he'd look right through me.

"I-I-I don't know what to say." I muttered to myself, no doubt having lost every ounce of self confidence I'd built up that morning.

"Go home." He said sharply, "go home and think about it tonight. If you decide that I'm worth having in your life, call me. You can come back tomorrow and I'll cook diner." Something none of my other boyfriends ever liked doing for me. "I'll make you dinner and we can have our first date." There it was. It was all real now, and I had to face it. No longer could I run away and pretend that the chemistry between us never existed, it was right here, plain as the sun in the sky, staring me right in my eyes. 

My brain went into self preservation mode and I said the dumbest thing I could've said next. "What if I decide not to?"

Jeff just smiled at me, only now his smile had a little fire behind it and I was really feeling the heat. "Then don't bother calling at all." Damn. That turned the flame up to eleven and I was starting to sweat. "Here," he said, motioning to the door as he stood up from the couch, "I'll walk you to your car."

I was numb. There was my chance and I blew it. He knew I wasn't going to call him, not because I didn't want us to be together, but because he knew that I was actually just a coward wearing the mask of a bad-ass. He was calling my bluff. I couldn't even begin to think about what to do next, I just got up and let him lead me outside to the harsh light of the morning, illuminating what my reality now was, and what it had always been. "Okay," I managed to say while holding back a torrent of tears and self pity. I was going to get so drunk that night, hell, I might not even wait until nighttime, I might just jump in the bottle when I got home. To my parents house. In the middle of nowhere. Alone. No! I had to fix this, now.

Without even knowing what was happening, I turned on my heels and faced him, taking a step so that we were face to face, breathing the same air, and mustering all the fire I could into my eyes, fighting the fire he already had in his.

I kissed him. I kissed him right on his lips as I put my arms around him and stepped even closer. Suddenly the earth fell again, and I felt myself being wrapped around him like he was the only thing keeping me from floating off into the air. His hands lifted the hem of my short skirt above my hips, as my legs crossed behind him and I felt my back being slammed into the front of my car. My God, this was the hottest thing I'd ever felt, and I wanted more.

Suddenly he pulled away from me, and I slid my now almost bare ass down to the bumper of my car as my feet fell to the ground under me. Jeff had his hands on my face, and his eyes still firmly locked on mine. I couldn't let this end here. "Can I use your bathroom before I go? It's a long drive back," I said, hoping desperately to get back in that house.

"Sure," he said in almost a whisper, and followed me as I pulled my skirt back down and walked back to his house. Once inside I walked in the bathroom and heard him sit on the couch before I closed the door. I looked in the mirror and couldn't believe what I was about to do. I was never the bold one, never the one to initiate, and certainly never the one to do this. I pulled my shirt over my head, then unzipped my skirt and let both fall to the mat in front of the sink. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra, freeing my perky little tits from that awful push-up bra that made them look so much bigger and better. I then slid my fingers into the elastic string of my panties and pushed them down to join the skirt, bra, and shirt on the ground. I stepped out of them, kicking my shoes off as I did.

They fell to the floor with a clomp, and that was it. I was naked, about to waltz out of the room and into the future that I was so close to losing. Better to lose my dignity than my best friend I thought to myself as I adjusted my hair, and opened the door, feeling the cool air rush across my bare body and between my shaved legs and pussy.

I walked as confidently as I could with my hands by my side, around the corner into the view of Jeff. Now it was his turn to pick his jaw up off the floor. I felt a rush of energy race through me like a bolt of lightning, cursing myself for stepping so far out of my comfort zone, and being even half as bold as I was being right now. The kiss worked out amazingly though, so this just might work, too.

I walked right up to the surprised fool, sitting on his couch, and put my feet on either side of his legs, giving him a full, uninterrupted view of everything I had to offer. He still just stared at me, until he finally lowered his gaze from my eyes, and I could feel his attention crawl slowly down my neck and chest, then down my stomach, hips, and my now soaking wet crotch. His nostrils flared as he took in my scent, and the fire in his eyes turned from an angry red, to the most passionate blue I'd ever seen in my life. 

He reached behind me and grabbed my ass with both hands as he leaned me back and pulled me on top of him. His body slouched so that I was kneeling on the couch, with his face under my hot, naked, dripping wet pussy. He breathed deeply, his hot breath warming my pussy even more as chills ran throughout the rest of me, causing my perky little nipples to stiffen instantly.

Finally, he kissed me on my most sacred set of lips, and then his tongue went to work around the edges of my sex before finding and teasing my clit. My legs went weak and I pressed myself down harder on his face, the breath from his nose now where my pubic hair would be, while my hands explored the back of his head and neck. I was in complete shock that he could ever feel this good, and I wondered what else I had been missing all this time.

He just kept going with his tongue, his fingers soon joining the fun from behind me, teasing my asshole a little before spreading my lips and plunging slowly, deeply, satisfyingly into me. It's like he could feel what he was doing to me, because his long, strong digits knew exactly where to go, and exactly what to do to bring me to the strongest orgasm I'd had up to that point. Unbeknownst to me at the time, but this was only the beginning, and there was even better to be had after that.

I was leaned forward over the back of the couch, Jeff still underneath me, face between my legs, lightly teasing my clit with his tongue and lips as I struggled to keep my shaking, almost limp body from falling over. Suddenly, he grabs my hips and brings me back down on his lap, still facing him. He looks up at me with my juices all over his face, eyes that were even more intense than before, and says, almost growling, "let's get you into bed now." 

He stands up, holding me close as he walks back towards his bedroom, but stops halfway down the hall to pin me against the wall and kisses me with what I thought at the time, to be all the passion and fury he could gather. Damn, was I in for a treat. He puts a hand under my naked butt and lifts me over his shoulder, giving my ass a nice, solid slap, sending yet more shock waves throughout my slender little body. Before I knew it, I was thrown onto his queen size bed in the middle of the room. I sat up and grabbed his arms, slowly working my hands around him to take his shirt off.

I looked up at him, shirtless, panting above me almost like a wild animal. The look in his eyes almost scared me until his hands gently caressed my face, neck, and shoulders. I reached down and unbuckled his belt, pushing his jeans down to the floor, exposing a long, thick cock, with veins pulsing with his now rapid heartbeat. 

He slid his hands down the sides of my body and then lifted me back, further onto the bed where he spread my legs and climbed on top of me. I could feel his abs pushing against my clit as he kissed my lips, then my cheek, then my neck as I moaned with pleasure. Jeff then moved down and bit me on my shoulder, causing me to inhale sharply, his scent hit me all at once. I'd never smelled him before, other than his shampoo when he'd come out of the shower, but damn was it intoxicating.

He then moved himself up, and I could feel the head of his thick cock against my soaking wet hole. He reached down and teased me with it until I couldn't take anymore waiting. I reached down and grabbed his hand and his dick, the heat begging me to plunge it deep inside of me. He resisted and slowly let me guide him in. The sensation was overwhelming, and as he pushed himself deeper and deeper inside my aching pussy, I could tell it was going to be hitting all the right spots.

He gradually picked up the pace as he rode me, each push in and pull out bringing me new levels of pleasure, as I raked my nails down his exposed back, each time digging in deeper and deeper willing him to go faster and harder. It seemed to work, but I quickly found that sinking my teeth into his shoulder worked even better. Soon, I was getting close to climax again, and I couldn't believe it, I had never before gotten off from insertion alone. Jeff could tell that I was close, and he slowed his pace considerably, teasing me away from my orgasm.

I couldn't take the waiting any longer, so I grabbed him and threw him off next to me, where I rolled over onto him and then I took control. I slowly mounted his dick again, and began to rock back and forth against him. Once again I was so, so close to finishing, but I decided to hold off just a little longer. I wanted him to cum too, I wanted him to explode inside of me, and I wanted him to feel as good as I was feeling at that moment.

I tried and tried to hold back, but my body betrayed me by keeping pace with his hips bucking in time with mine. Soon, I was at the point of no return, and without even thinking about it, dug my fingertips into his chest, dragging them down his body to his ribs and stomach. I threw my head back as I came again, my pelvic muscles contracting and releasing around his thick shaft as I moved. Apparently this was what he needed, because when I was in the middle of what can only be described as the best ride of my life, he'd had enough, and shot into me with such great force and volume, it shot out around him, and I could feel the warm, sticky, cum being pushed out of me around his dick.

I looked down and saw the blood that I drew with my nails, trailing in ten staggered streaks, down his chest and abdomen. I smiled at the sight, then laughed at the unbelievable ecstasy we were both feeling. As his last shot of cum came shooting out of him, I had another wave hit me. We called out in unison as we slowed down, and I carefully laid down on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me there, his chest heaving with each breath, his hips still bucking against me, in and out, in and out until I could feel his stiff member begin to soften.

I stretched my legs out, intertwining with his as we both finally relaxed. He moved a hand up to the back of my neck, and the other down my body, resting just above my ass. I looked over and whispered in his ear, "That was Amazing, Jeff," and before I could think twice to stop myself, "I love you."

My eyes bolted open and my heart began to race with the crazy, stupid thing I just said. I was certain he wouldn't say anything back, that he'd just ignore it and keep holding me, but I was wrong. "I love you, too Rachel," he said softly, his deep voice vibrating through his chest and into mine. I rolled off of him and lay next to him in his arms as he rolled to face me and kissed me again, softly this time, letting me know that he meant it.

It was done, we'd finally given in to our deepest desires, and what an amazing experience it was. Soon I was falling asleep, holding the most amazing person I've even known, and he held me until we both woke up later that afternoon. He kissed me again before letting go of me and getting out of bed. I drifted back off again until he walked back in the room, still naked, holding two cups of fresh, hot coffee. "Good morning," he said with that same old, bright and tired smile, only with a new little twinkle in his eyes. "I thought you might like a cup of coffee to wake up with."

"I'd love one," I smiled back, as I sat up to take it and watched him turn around to sit next to me. The scratches on his back and chest had scabbed over. I smiled to myself knowing that I'd finally marked him as mine, finally after all these years, waking up next to someone just felt right. We sat there naked, drinking our coffee, occasionally looking over to each other as if confirming that the hours before weren't just a dream, and was in fact reality. It was real, it was amazing, and it was exactly where I always wanted to be. He'd seen it all along, and I still kick myself for taking so long to figure it out, but I'm glad I did before it was too late.

That day I learned how much I loved him looking over my naked body, how hot it made me, feeling his eyes on my exposed flesh, and what great things happened when I just took off my clothes. It became a rare sight for me to be clothed around him, because I felt so wonderful when I saw how he looked at me. He made me love being naked, and I know that he loved it, too.

[this-geek]

Dialogue prompts, Major Crimes, 21? Thank you 💜

Okay, this took a bit longer but I had to fact check a little and I only have my phone with me. I hope this is good.

Apologies if there are any errors cultural or grammatical.

I'm not 100% sure this is plausible but this is fanfiction so I don't care as long as its fun, right?

21: "Sometimes, being a complete nerd comes in handy" 

In an attempt to have the divisions of the LAPD work in better harmony together a New Year Quiz had been organised. The divisions had had a week to submit answers for 10 questions then there would be a New Year's Party where every division had to have some people there to answer a further 20 questions which would determine who would win the secret prize promised to them by Pope. 

Now the major Crimes division had struggled somewhat with the initial questions due to the level of tension coursing through the group who were still adjusting to the change in commanding officer. Captain Raydor had tried to promote it and Amy along with Sanchez and Buzz tried to contribute something but the influence of Provenza had dampened their enthusiasm but it got done. Nobody had wanted to go to the party but Flynn felt a bit bad and offered to go with the Captain who despite her professional exterior had seemed quite excited at the idea of a party. 

They had driven to venue separately but managed to arrive at almost the same time. He watched her get out of her car and grabbed a small bag; she was wearing her black coat that had become familiar over the years. She smiled at him. 

"Lieutenant, you didn't have to come. I could have represented is just fine on my own" they walked in together Andy shaking his head a little. 

"That would have defeated the purpose of team spirit Captain. I don't mind a little quizzing anyway" he explained and held open the door. They quickly found a seat and looked at the question sheet which didn't have the questions laid out which probably meant they'd have a live host read them out. 

"So, how is you general knowledge?" Andy asked glancing round the room at the other officers laughing and chatting amongst themselves. 

"I know a decent amount of knowledge that might help" she shrugged and glanced in the same direction as Flynn was looking, "it's not great just the two of us is it?" she rolled her lips and placed her hands on the table lacing her fingers

"It's not your fault…" 

"but it is because I am the commanding officer. I should be able to bring my team together" she interrupted, her voice quiet and almost bitter as though she were annoyed with herself. In a move he didn't expect himself to make he took her hand and squeezed it. 

"then let's win this quiz together and show our team that we all could have had a good time together" Sharon nodded her eyes wide as she glanced at their hands clasped together. He dropped her hand and went to the bar getting them both a drink. 

Andy couldn't help but stare at her, she was actually really good at quizzing. The movie questions had been water off a ducks back and he'd barely said a thing during the music round. In the penultimate history round he had tried to help but she had shut him down quickly; she was a bigger nerd than he ever thought her to be. Knowing the law off by heart was clearly just the start of Sharon Raydor's knowledge. 

"Captain, how do you know all this stuff about the civil war and the war of independence?" he asked as she tallied up their score so far. She shrugged. 

"It won't shock you that I wasn't the most popular person in school; it was better in college but high school my first friend was the librarian. She'd recommend so many books. I think it stuck because my mother was a teacher too so learning was central in my life growing up" She smiled mentioning her mother. Flynn seemed almost shocked, he would be lying if he said he'd never assumed that the Captain's mother was more of a lady of leisure. 

"What did she teach?" he asked, while they had the chance to talk. 

"She taught maths, that was her speciality but after she retired she helped run a community programme for children who did not have ready access to education, I had to help too" she added turning their paper over to the final general knowledge questions space. 

"Ah, so you were a bit of nerd and it carried through to now" he joked at her but she didn't quite see it as funny as him. Her eyes rolled, she was not impressed. 

"Alright folks here is your last question," Pope announced, "which country did Chinese Checkers originate from?" Andy scoffed and started writing but the pen was quickly slapped from his hand. In neat writing Sharon wrote Germany. 

"um, captain the clue is in the name" Andy whispered trying to take the pen from her. 

"no, I'll tell you why in a minute" the sheets were handed in and Sharon turned to explain but heard some others boasting about the answers they put down. She rolled her eyes she knew she was right anyway. Andy came over to her. 

"it's only one question" he muttered as he drank his cranberry juice. 

"it's not, Chinese checkers comes from Germany and was renamed by Americans to sound more exotic. Had the question been a bout Chinese chess the answer would have been China but it was not" she replied matter of factly. Andy shhook his head he did not believe her at all. Music started and people started to get up and dance. 

"you can find someone to dance with" Sharon smiled happily nursing her 2nd glass of wine. Andys head shook. 

"so what did your father do?" he asked turning to her. She looked at him her head tilted, her lips rolled and she placed her glass on the table. 

"he was JAG. He went to Law school, passed the bar but wanted something else so he joined the Judge advocate General Corp. Both my parents have a love of learning and education, my brother is a doctor. What about your family? "she explained, Andy watched surprising Sharon in his interest. 

"My old man was a…" he was interrupted by Pope clearing his throat at the mic, the music being turned down. 

"Now then before we welcome the new year quickly I want to thank all for coming and tell you who has won the soon to be annual quiz. In third place with 23/30 is Robbery Homicide," there was a pause as the division went up to collect a trophy and a small envelope." in second place with 25 is Forensic Sciences" again a pause occured so the group could collect their trophy and envelope "now first place, just pipped the post by 1 point it is Major Crimes" Sharon smiled Andy pulling him up from his chair. She took the trophy from Pope with, a smile that if you did not like her would you'd say was a shit eating grin but if you did; as Andy did, you would say it was a giddy and quite excitable grin. 

The two returned to their table and opened their envelope to find a voucher for some fancy restaurant and by the look of it, it had enough for the whole division to have something. Andy chuckled

"I suggest we tell everyone we lost and keep this for us, and Rusty if he wanted to join" he rushed to add, although if he was being honest he would mind have dinner alone with the captain at all. 

"we can't do that, can we?" she started to chuckle. Her expression changed suddenly and she rushed from the table returning moments later with the marked question sheet her grin went smug as she pointed to the final question. 

"would you look at that, sometimes being a complete nerd comes in handy" as she boasted her win over Andy, the man in question realised the countdown to New Year had begun. He congratulated Sharon and as the countdown reached one he took a chance, kissing her cheek. 

"I really want to spend that dinner voucher on us, our win" he whispered in her ear. She looked at him and maybe it was the wine or the joy of outsmarting someone but she kissed his cheek and agreed  to go to dinner with him.

[simsadventures]

Better Like This: Chapter 6: Good Times

Summary: Your days are filled with love and anticipation, but New York is still under an attack. And the death count grows.

Warnings: fluff, cute Bucky, scenting, mentions of death, dead bodies, blood, choking, stalking

Word Count: 2148

A/N: This chapter is a little shorter, so, sorry for that. Also, I love love love your guesses about the murderer and all that!! Keep ‘em coming guys. Love you all xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

When you woke up the next morning, everything felt great. The butterflies in your stomach didn’t go away, and you cherished them. They proved to you that last night really happened. That you weren’t just dreaming of kissing Bucky (you dreamt of him enough anyway) and that you could go to work excited to see him. But still, there was a little nagging voice in your head, telling you that he regrets everything and you two don’t have a future.

  You looked at your phone, and the warmth returned to your heart and your face, and you let your smile grow. You have 5 unread messages, but only one that really mattered.

 Bucky: Morning, doll. Want to grab lunch with me? Yesterday was amazing, btw ;) 

You didn’t think it was possible to feel this happy just from reading one freaking text message. 

 You: Good morning :) Yeah, sure, would love to and yeah, yesterday was kinda amazing. 

You looked at the other 4 messages, one from Wanda, one from Scott and two from Strange, all asking for details about yesterday’s date, with Stephen freaking out that you’re dead because you didn’t answer your phone. You rolled your eyes and dialled his number. 

  “OH MY GOD! Are you fucking insane? We thought you are dead, why on Earth are you-“ “Stephen, calm down! I came home pretty late last night and was so tired I fell asleep the second I laid down. And I just woke up, so please, stop yelling at me and calm the fuck down.” You shook your head and told Stephen all about the night, knowing you were on a loudspeaker, because you could hear occasional squeals from Wong. You ended the call, knowing you’d have to endure two more like this one. Your friends wouldn’t be satisfied with a short message

  After calling everyone, you texted a bit more with Bucky, agreeing to try a new pizzeria, which has newly opened near to your house. 

  You spent too much time picking out your outfit. You wanted Bucky to like you. What you didn’t realise was that he’d probably like you in a sack of potatoes. 

 When your doorbell rang, your heart skipped a beat, and you took one last glance in the mirror. When you opened the door, your breath hitched in your throat. Bucky was breathtaking. He wore a plain white shirt, skinny jeans and a jacket, simple, you knew, but wow. He was perfect. When you looked into his face, he was scanning your body and outfit, his eyes darkening for a second when he noticed your low-neckline. He coughed to hide his interest and smiled at you, the slightest blush creeping to his cheeks. 

 “Wow, doll. You look… wow.” You laughed a little and to hide your embarrassment you hugged him tightly. Who were you kidding, you would hug him anyway, you just needed to feel his body on yours, let his scent engulf you. He hugged you back, putting his head on top of yours and inhaling. 

  “Doll, can I have a question? I mean, you can say no and whatever, I just-“ “What is it, Bucky? You can ask me anything!” You smiled up at him assuringly. 

 “Huh, can I scent you? I’ve been dying to do it for some time, but I don’t want to overstep some boundaries, you know?” 

 Your belly tingled a little bit, but you tried to push it away, it was not the time to think having sex with him, not yet, anyway. 

 “Of course,” you said a bit too quick, so you added, “I mean, yeah, sure, whatever,” Bucky smirked, seeing the excitement written all over your face, which encouraged him to do what he craved. He needed to fill his system with your scent, more than he needed oxygen. Ever since the night before, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, thinking about you. His whole being was crying out for you, and he wanted nothing more than to come to your apartment and stay with you, in bed, forever. Well, first things first, he thought, while he pushed your hair away from your neck and leaned in to scent you.

 He ran his nose along your jugular, stopping at your scent gland, at the nape of your neck. He was purring, louder and louder each passing second he spent so close to you and your delicious smell. You were perfect. 

  You shuddered a little when you felt his tongue tasting your skin, his teeth lightly nibbling at the place he would once claim. You had to suppress a moan at that feeling. You were overwhelmed. Bucky’s presence was distracting enough, but him being this close, scenting you and tasting you? You were a goner. 

 He didn’t want to pull away, hell, you didn’t want him to pull away, but you couldn’t be standing at your hallway, in the middle of the day, pressed against each other, purring like crazy. Bucky was the first to move, and a low whine escaped your throat. He smiled at you and kissed you softly. “Let’s go doll, I’m hungry.” But the way he said it? Well, let’s say it only made you pout harder and want to do nothing more than grab him and pull him to your apartment. You were hungry too, just not for food. 

—-

  The lunch went on smoothly, you were giggling like a love-sick teenager, and you even had to stop yourself sometimes. You weren’t usually this type, hell, you always made gagging voices when you saw couples making out on the streets. And now you were very, very close to being one of those couples. Well… people, you and Bucky weren’t precisely a couple…. yet….

 You took a walk after lunch, just to stay together a little longer, and as you were walking down the street, you heard a sharp yell. You looked at Bucky, and you both set out to run. 

 At one of the side streets, 2 people were standing and staring at something, while another girl was crouched in front of them, screaming. 

 “NYPD. What’s going on?” Bucky’s voice boomed through the noises in the street. When you two got closer, you understood, why he screaming and why no-one wanted to answer you. In front of you were bodies, three bodies. 

 They were all obviously female, no more than 30 years old, and all of them laying there, motionless. You and Bucky ran to them and try to find their pulses, but unsuccessfully. You pulled out your phone and called your Captain, telling him what you found, and Steve told you he would call the pathologist and all the technics needed on the scene. All you had to do was to make sure nobody else touched the bodies and not let any more witnesses in. Those three people were shocked enough and would probably need a lot of therapy to get rid of those images.

  When you close the perimeter, you and Bucky started working. You looked for evidence, anything really that would help you catch the guy. You had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, and when you looked over at Bucky, he had the same worried expression on his face. You both just knew it was the guy you’ve been looking for weeks.

 This guy, who was attacking lonely Omegas at their houses, in the middle of the night, was growing bolder. He jumped three young women, two Omegas and a Beta and choked them all to death on Saturday, at lunchtime. There weren’t many busier times in the middle of New York City. 

 The techs couldn’t give you anything for sure, but their preliminary thoughts were that yes, it was the same guy and no, this time, he didn’t rape them. You couldn’t say if it were because the raping was not the main thing for him, or if he was just disturbed by something or someone on the main street. All you knew was that this time, his MO changed. And that scared the shit out of you. Because if he was evolving this rapidly, New York could be looking at one of his worst serial killers in its history. 

 The mood of the morning and lunch was totally ruined, and both you and Bucky went back to the unit and worked your asses off, trying to find that guy. But even after three days, nothing new emerged. All was the same. The metal particles, the handprints, everything. And it was getting frustrating. You wanted to do something more, but even after questioning everyone-from the victims’ families, to their friends, to those people finding the bodies, you got nothing. All you found out was that once again, the girls used to lead dangerous lives, full of paid sex and drugs, but they seemed to be doing better, everyone in their lives agreed on that. 

 It was Wednesday night, all of the squad still sitting at their desks, working relentlessly to solve the case. You were tired, everything hurt, and even though you wanted to catch that bastard, you really wanted a good night sleep. No, scratch that, you NEEDED that sleep. You were looking at the photos from the first two crime scenes, trying to somehow compare them to the third one, when a hand landed on those photos. 

  You looked up and saw piercing blue eyes, looking down at you. “C’mon, doll. You’ve been here non-stop. When was the last time you slept more than 4 hours, huh?” 

 “Oh c’mon Bucky, I can’t possibly go and have my beauty sleep when there’s a murderer out there!” You hissed. You didn’t mean to be mean to him, you were just frustrated by the whole situation. 

  He raised an eyebrow and grabbed your hand. Despite your protests, you were out of the building in the next ten minutes and were currently in Bucky car. You didn’t speak to him and pouted like a little child. You knew you had to look ridiculous, but you couldn’t help it. 

 “You gonna pout at me the whole time, or are you gonna show me that beautiful smile of yours?” He was being cute, awesome. But you weren’t giving up. You wanted to help the others. 

 “You know that all of the team was leaving, right? We all need to sleep, sweetheart. Steve talked to us when you were out with Scott, telling us we shouldn’t overwork ourselves, because guess what, we can’t solve shit if the only thing on our minds is how comfortable that floor in the office looks.” You slightly snickered at that, he had a point. The floor started to look awfully comfortable in the last few days. “There it is,” Bucky smirked.” You rolled your eyes at him. “I just wanted to help, you know? I hate to think people are being killed while I’m what.. on a date with my boyfriend or having my-“ “Date with your boyfriend?” Bucky’s car came to a stop, and he looked at you. 

 Suddenly, you felt really nervous. What if it’s not something he wants? What if he really needs you as a rut-bunny and nothing else? All of these thoughts were swirling in your brain, and you tried to get at least a coherent sentence out of yourself. 

 “I didn’t mean, I don’t, you know, I just thought-“ 

  “No, wait. I liked it to be called your boyfriend, that sounds… really great to me, you know? But we never really talked, so I didn’t know…” 

 You let out a breath you didn’t know was hitched in your throat and smiled at Bucky. “You are my true mate, Bucky, of course, I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to be anything you’ll let me be, really.” He smiled at that and leaned closer to you, so he was suddenly mere inches away from you. 

  “I want it all doll. I’m all in.” The kiss was just as good, or maybe better than those you two shared before. This now was full of promises, of unspoken hope dwelling in both your hearts and you just couldn’t get enough. 

 “It’s really silly of me to ask, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but… could you stay the night? I just, huh, feel a lot better when you’re around and-“ You didn’t get the chance to finish because Bucky brought you closer for another kiss. “I’d love to, Y/N. I feel a lot better with you around too.” You could see another part of the wall around his heart falling down, as you two stepped out of the car together and went to get the well-deserved sleep. 

 The image of you two walking must have been really cheesy. Especially to someone who was standing in the shadows across the street, watching as you two closed the door behind you. 

/ Next Chapter > 

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[sharonisantisocialimagines]

Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Part ten

Summary: Freddie Mercury said it first. “This thing called love, I just can’t handle it.” In this story we get to know Jensen and (Y/N), two humans that have to learn, that despite their brain, they can’t outrun their heart. When a smiliar friend of them, Jared, introduces the two, sparks fly. They understand each other better than anyone, so it’s no surprise the two eventually end up in bed together. Only condition - No feelings. Neither of them is the relationship person, and neither of them is ready to act on their emotions. So what happens when out of one night, another one follows, and they have to learn that they can’t live without the other? Will they stop being so stubborn and admit their feelings? Or will it be too late when one finally has the balls to do it?

Prologue / Part one / Part two / Part three / Part four / Part five / Part six / Part seven / Part eight / Part nine

The bar was crowded, more than ever before, and (Y/N) tried to swallow down the anxiety she felt. All those people would be staring at her, listening to every word she sang. She usually didn’t care whether there were 3 or 30 people, but with her emotions being all over the place lately, she felt like throwing up at the thought of performing.

It was only a few minutes until she was supposed to be on stage, but from behind the curtain she saw the lights dimming in the bar and how people slowly quieted down. What was happening? The moment the person cleared her throat, she knew who was on stage.

“Ehrm, hi, my name is Jensen Ackles, and I’m sorry for interrupting your night, but there is something I need to do. About two weeks ago, I really fucked up. I was introduced to this… this beautiful woman a while ago, and instead of treating her how she deserved it, I was a complete idiot.”

Someone in the crowd yelled something incomprehensible before Jensen continued. (Y/N) had moved to the side of the stage, completely shocked as she saw (Y/N) Jensen take the stage with his guitar. He looked absolutely beautiful with his hair all spiked up and with that dark blue shirt. She could see how it stretched around his stomach and upper arms, and she almost turned back around to walk away. Jensen’s beautiful voice made her stay, though. She had to see what he had in mind.

“And I know I really screwed this up, and there are no words of how sorry I am. I acted like a child and did the stupidest thing anyone could do. I hurt her. I know she is here tonight, and I know she probably hates me and she won’t give me another chance, but I have to try. Because she is everything I ever wanted, and I was just too stupid to realise it. I thought of many ways to show her how sorry I am, and how much I really love her. Cause I do. My dreams are filled with her beautiful face and her contagious laughter, and when I wake up, you’re not there. I miss her, and I will do anything to prove it. I decided to speak the language of music tonight, because that’s her thing, and it’s what brought us together in the first place. So… (Y/N), this is for you.”

We’ll do it all Everything On our own

We don’t need Anything Or anyoneIf I lay here

If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?

(Y/N) heart started racing as Jensen began to sing and play his guitar. His voice was as beautiful as she remembered it from that first night, but this time, there was something else in his voice. The pain, and the emotion she heard with every word he sang felt like a stab in the chest. His face was scrunched up in concentration and his eyes were closed, but still, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. Jensen slowly finished the song before opening his eyes and turning his head in (Y/N) direction, as if he knew the whole time that she was there and watching him.

“I love you, (Y/N).” 

__________________________________________________________

Some lonely tears ran down (Y/N) cheeks as she went back to the green room to process what just happened. Jensen just confessed his love for her in front of a crowd, as if it was nothing. As if it was the most normal thing to do after everything that had happened between them. He did something he was terribly insecure about, only to prove her how sorry he was. That wasn’t what she was expecting as she told him to prove his feelings, but it was definitely a nice thing to do.

Nobody had ever done something like that for her, and she had to admit her heart healed a little as she saw him on that stage. On her stage.

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

That’s what he sang, and there was nothing she’d rather do. Yes, he fucked up. But everyone made mistakes, right? It was one thing admitting his mistake to her, or to Jared or whoever, but to admit it in front of a crowd… that was something else. It would take time for her to trust him again, but she was willing to try. She was willing to give him another chance. Because Jensen had done what not many guys were able to, and that was to stand for his feelings. He told everyone he loved her, and that was worth more than anything he could’ve done.

With that decision in mind, she went to her band, letting them know about the changes for the show. The songs she’d prepared for tonight were pretty self-explanatory, and performing them on stage would give Jensen the wrong answer. And there was only one way she could answer him, really.

The lights to the bar dimmed again twenty minutes later, and the band got ready on stage. (Y/N) obviously wasn’t able to change the whole setlist for the night, but she was able to exchange some of the songs to others she’d sung before. The band began playing an intro before (Y/N) walked on stage, wearing a skater dress with killer heels. She couldn’t resist dressing to impress tonight, so she may have gone a little overboard on her styling. But who cares. She loved it, and that was all that mattered. A single light illuminated her singing form, and the crowd yelled and clapped along happily as she sang her own version of Sia’s Cheap Thrills.

She smiled into the mic as she finished her song, gazing into the happy crowd. She pushed her hair behind her ear before clearing her throat ad wetting her lips.

“Good evening guys! How are y’all doing?”

Screams were all she got in return, and she chuckled. She was more nervous than ever, and she knew she had to get it over and done with or she wouldn’t enjoy the rest of the show like she wanted to.

“So, tonight may seem a little unprepared to you, and to be honest, that’s exactly what it is! I’m sure you’ve all seen what has happened on this stage earlier this evening and… I guess it’s my time now to answer, isn’t it? So, I’m not good at putting into words what I want to say or what I feel, so I’ll just get straight to the song and let you guys see for yourself what my reply is.”

The soft sound of a piano filled the room and (Y/N) took a deep breath before closing her eyes and getting lost in the music.

Crazy In Love - Beyoncé cover by Sofia Karlberg

It’s the beat that my heart skips when I’m with you But I still don’t understand Just how your love can do what no one else can

It was the line she wanted Jensen to remember, to know. She could feel the song running through her bones, and she unsuccessfully bit back a few lonely tears. The pain she’d felt over the last few days was so intense, that finally letting it all go was such a relief she couldn’t put it into words.

“I believe everyone deserves a second chance in live, so don’t waste it, Jensen.”

The rest of the concert went by in a blur. Her mind was tired, and she wanted nothing more than to finally step off that stage and fall into Jensen’s arms. To feel his comfort right now was all she needed and no matter what happened after, she would grant herself these few seconds.

As (Y/N) left the stage forty minutes later, she was surprised to find Jared and Jensen in the green room. She knew Jared had to be here if Jensen was, but finding them backstage wasn’t what she expected. There was a faint smile on Jared’s lips, if not apprehensive. Jensen’s eyes were filled with tears and as he finally saw her, they spilled over. His hopeful eyes met hers and as he saw the love and pain he felt himself, too, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

They took a step forward at the same time, meeting in the middle and engulfing each other in their arms. It must’ve looked like a scene straight out of a sappy chick-flick movie, but that’s what love does to people, right?

“I’m so so sorry.”

He whispered over and over again, his hand buried in her hair as she fisted his shirt in her hands. Sobs ran through her whole body and for a moment, they both just stood there, relaxing in each others arms. She had missed Jensen’s scent and his strong arms, the warmth that radiated off of him running all through her body. 

“Next time, talk to me before you go around assuming things, okay?”

A guilty look crossed Jensen’s face, and he pulled her impossibly closer to his body.

“I will, I promise.”

Epilogue

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 30)

On The Move Again...

Idk what to say about this chapter other than a little bit of fluff? A little bit of angst? A little bit of pissed off reader? Just.. mucho dialogue, as per usual with my stuff lmao. 

Just wanna let y’all know that I go back to uni tomorrow (I start back really late, I’ve realised) and I’m going into my final year, so I will likely be busy. BUT, I hope to keep posting enough that you wont notice much of a difference, but yeah. If updates become a little less frequent, it’s not cause I’m getting bored of writing this :) side note... I’m so fucking ready to be done with university! 

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

Arthur woke me up gently, dusting kisses over my face and petting my hair, whispering my name and rocking me in his arms to rouse me as delicately as birdsong. For about thirty blissful seconds I completely forgot about our circumstances, so enamoured with the feeling of waking up with him. This was something I had only done a handful of times but if this was every morning I would be a very happy woman. 

"Good morning, angel. I'm sorry to wake you, but I gotta get up," he whispered to me, his hand still smoothing over the back of my head. 

"I don't mind waking up if this is the first thing I see," I murmured sleepily, making him laugh. 

"I gotta say, it was real nice for me too," he said, kissing my forehead once before wrapping his arms around me and rolling us over until he was above me, though dangerously close to the edge. He slammed a hand on the table next to us before we ended up on the floor together and we laughed as he shuffled us back into the middle of the bed. 

"I don't want us to get up," I sighed. 

"Me neither, but we gotta figure out what's happening with Jack," he said, and it all came tumbling back to me. 

"Oh God, yeah, you know I was almost at peace for a second," I grunted, dropping my head back against the bed and trailing my hands up Arthur's sides. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, nestling his face against my neck and inhaling deeply. "I can hear Dutch out there. I ought to go out and talk with 'em, hopefully he's figured something out."

"Alright," I whispered, patting his back a couple of times before releasing him. 

With a groan Arthur pushed himself up and off of me, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stretching, rolling his neck and grunting as his joints popped. His jaw stretched open with a yawn, one which I caught and mimicked shortly after. I shifted to join him sitting up, and after taking a moment to straighten out our clothes and tidy our hair, we rose to our feet and emerged from the tent. It struck me how shameless we seemed to suddenly be about what was going on between the two of us. It had gone unspoken, but I believed both of us had frankly stopped caring about who knew and who didn't. 

Regardless, nobody noticed us leaving the tent together, too preoccupied to care, thankfully. Dutch, Hosea and John were sat around the table talking; Arthur joined them and I pottered off, leaving the men to it and instead heading to grab my morning coffee. I caught sight of Abigail sitting on the ground on her bedroll with her knees hugged into her chest, eyes distant. I opted not to disturb her, taking a seat with Tilly and Mary-Beth in front of their wagon. 

"Morning, girls. How're you two holding up?" I greeted them. Tilly was washing a chemise while Mary-Beth was distractedly stitching a white garment that I quickly noticed was dappled with a few specks of blood. Before any of them could even answer I spoke again. 

"Mary-Beth, you're bleeding!" I pointed out, reaching out and taking her hand in mine. 

"Oh! Oh shoot, what a mess. I pricked myself earlier on, didn't realise I'd drawn blood," she plopped her finger in her mouth and sucked on the injured digit. I put my coffee down and took the garment from her; it was a stocking with a tear in it. 

"I'll finish this, don't worry. There ain't too much blood on it, no harm done. 'sides your finger."

"I'm away with the fairies this morning," she shook her head at herself. 

"Ain't we all. How're you, Tilly?" I asked. 

"About as well as you'd expect. The other day I couldn't stop thinkin' about how bored I was, now I'd happily take boredom over all this mess," Tilly sighed, sitting back on her heels and shaking her hands free of water. 

"I'm confident the men'll get Jack back," I assured them both. 

"Me too, it's just all the worrying until then. Has Arthur said anything to you about where he is?" Tilly asked me and looked up at her, momentarily – and frankly unjustifiably – surprised that she'd asked me about Arthur. 

"Oh, no, he hasn't," I said after a pause. 

"How is he doing, anyway? He's been awfully quiet lately," Mary-Beth began, "not that he ain't usually quiet, but you know what I mean."

"Arthur? He…" I paused, looking down at my sewing. "I reckon his injury knocked it out of him for a bit, he didn't much like being cooped up. Then of course, first thing he does after getting back out there is watch Sean– it's understandable. I jus' think he's going through it a bit."

"Well I hope he knows he can come talk to any of us if he needs it. Though, I suppose he has you for that, now," Mary-Beth commented. I looked at her, a light frown on my face. 

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, we ain't idiots," Tilly laughed "it's extremely obvious that you and him are somethin' more than friends."

"No, that ain't what I meant. You don't think I'm… stealing him, hogging him away from all of you, do you?" 

The two girls looked at me, two sets of eyes going wide for a few long seconds before they both laughed. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," Mary-Beth patted my knee, "I just meant he has you to open up to now, I ain't surprised if he don't talk to us about that stuff all that much anymore. I don't mind it, it makes sense."

"Before you came along, if Arthur was going through a rough patch, he'd come speak to one of us women. That ain't happened in a while so we figured he was talking to you instead, is that not the case?" Tilly added, picking the chemise out of the bucket and squeezing the water out.

"Oh, no, he does," I nodded, thinking back to the previous night, all his talk of getting out of here, no matter how idealised the thoughts were. Mary-Beth leaned forwards a bit, inspecting my expression. 

"Everything okay between you two?" She asked. 

"Between us, yes, everything is wonderful," I told her, a small sigh escaping me. "I just wish everything else was the same. I don't like seeing him worried. I'm worried too, but I know it ain't a scratch on how he must be feeling."

"Well, I'm just glad he has you. That man deserves a bit of love, that's for sure," Mary-Beth said, "after Mary, and everything that's happened to him."

"Mary-Beth," Tilly said, her tone a warning. 

"What?"

"You don't bring up a man's past relationships to his new lady," she chuckled, shaking her head. I smiled in amusement.

"It's alright. I know about Mary, even met her once. Well, not really met, saw her from a distance."

"Really? Oh, well I admit I was a little worried when I heard she was around. She practically carved the poor feller's heart out and spat on it. He was real excited when she agreed to marry him, I don't know how she could do that to him," Mary-Beth sighed. 

My heart thumped uncomfortably and I stared blankly at her. She noticed my silence and looked at me, the colour draining from her face soon after. 

"They were engaged?" I asked, my voice small. 

"Oh, Mary-Beth," Tilly said tightly, shaking her head. 

"I thought you knew," Mary-Beth covered her mouth. "Oh, goodness. I'm a fool."

"No, no it's fine. I've no right to be upset," I shook my head, snapping myself out of it. "I guess it just surprised me, I didn't know it'd gone that far."

I understood better why Arthur had been so deeply hurt by her. Why he'd held onto her for years, why he'd kept her photo, why he'd acknowledged her letter and gone to meet her despite the pain he knew it'd cause him. She was the woman he'd loved so much he'd wanted to share the rest of his life with her.

"No, you're upset. Oh gosh, forget this I'll do it later," Mary-Beth snatched the sewing from me and tossed it aside, clasping my hands in hers. "This was years ago, he's clearly moved on and he has you, he's completely taken by you, it's so easy to see."

"I don't need reassurance, like I said, I have no right to be upset over something that happened before he even knew me. He has his own life, how awful would I be to turn sour over him living his own life?" I forced a laugh, shaking my head. 

It was true, I had no reason to be upset. And I wasn't upset, not with Arthur, he'd done nothing wrong. But I did feel something cold and sickly and gross in my tummy and it was startlingly close to inadequacy.

"Mary-Beth is right, he's crazy about you. I watched him drawing you the other day when you weren't looking. Never seen the man look so peaceful," Tilly added, moving closer to join us. She put a hand on my shoulder as she sat beside me. 

"You did?" I sputtered, eyes going wide and my face going hot.

"Yeah. You were brushing your horse and he was at that table over there just watching you, sketching away in that journal of his. I'd love to see what's inside that thing," Tilly giggled. 

"I bet it's real romantic," Mary-Beth remarked, her voice low and tender.

"It never occurred to me that he might write about me in there," I thought aloud. 

"You should sneak a peek while he's sleeping," Tilly whispered and I flashed her a disapproving frown. 

"Oh, I couldn't. That'd be a violation of his privacy," I said. 

"I guess," Tilly sighed glumly. "You should at least ask him."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I reckon I might prefer the mystery."

"Might be full of things he's too scared to say, could show a soft, vulnerable, tender side to him that his tough, manly lifestyle forces him to hide," Mary-Beth stared off into the distance, her expression nothing short of dreamy.

"Good lord, Mary-Beth. You really have to stop reading those novels," Tilly laughed and Mary-Beth playfully swatted her arm. I couldn't help but smile, eyes wandering over to Arthur across the camp. That smile quickly faded though, when I noticed Lenny approaching the group with two men I did not recognise. 

"Hey, Dutch! We got a problem," he called out, pointing his gun at the back of the men, keeping a close eye on them as they walked towards Dutch. 

The men were well dressed in suits and ties and bowler hats, the second of the men had a gun slung over his shoulder. Something told me they weren't friends of the Van Der Linde gang. I stayed put as the men exchanged a few words. 

"Crap, that's the Pinkertons, I reckon," Mary-Beth hissed under her breath when she noticed. The gang slowly surrounded the group, forming a crowd that couldn't not be at least a little intimidating. I rose to my feet, crossing the camp towards them to listen in on what was happening, aware of the fact that Tilly and Mary-Beth were hanging back. 

"I don't know if you're aware but this is a civilised land, now. We didn't kill all those savages to allow the likes of you to act like human dignity and basic decency was outmoded or not yet invented. This thing, it's done," the first gentleman was announcing when I got close enough to hear. The atmosphere was so dark and thick, it was like I could taste it or smell it, it was foul like the contents of a spittoon.

"This place ain't no such thing as civilised. It's man so in love with greed he has forgotten himself and found only appetites," Dutch responded, his words so well articulated, spoken almost like poetry right from a book. 

"And as a consequence, that lets you take what you please, kill whom you please and hang the rest of us? Who made you the Messiah to these lost souls you've led so horribly astray?" The agent questioned, eyes scanning the crowd around him. His eyes found me. "Oh, and who is this? You must be new, haven't heard anything about you."

Dutch and Arthur looked my way, Dutch's expression stony and serious, Arthur's immediately turning to painful worry. 

"Leave her–" Arthur started, abruptly cut off by Dutch. 

"You'd single out a lady whom to your knowledge has done nothing wrong? That doesn't make you a man any more than threatening the likes of me does," he said. Hosea, who happened to be closest to me, pushed me behind him and obscured their view of me.

"Whether or not any of you lowlifes consider me a man is of no importance to me. I am here to offer you all a deal. You, Dutch, come with me and I'll give the rest of you three days to run off, disappear and go live like human beings someplace else," he bargained, and I stared at the back of Dutch's head, my heart in my throat as I awaited his response.

Dutch chuckled.

"You came for me? Risked life and limb in this den of lowlifes and murderers so that they might live and love? Ain't that fine?"

"I don't wanna kill all these folk Dutch. Just you," the agent stared at Dutch with such disdain I could practically feel the second hand effects of it, creeping hotly up my arms like vines.

"In that case, it'd be my honour to join you," Dutch's words were low, pleasant, "excuse me friends, I have an appointment to keep, with…"

The metallic clicks sounding out across the crowd rose hairs on my neck, weapons being readied, the threat loud and clear. 

"I think your new friend should leave now, Dutch," Miss Grimshaw warned. It was clear that nobody here was prepared to let the men take Dutch away. And Dutch… he was well aware of this.

"You're making a big mistake, all of you," the Pinkerton glowered, unsettled and frustrated, losing his grip on the situation he was so evidently being overpowered in.

"Yeah, dreadful. We have got something. Something to live and die for, how awful for us. Mr? Milton, stop following us, we'll be gone soon," more cool, velvety words from Dutch.

"I'm afraid I can't, and when I return I'll be with fifty men. All of you will die. Run away from this place you fools. Run!" 

"Come on," Lenny grabbed his arm, got him moving only to be shaken off.

"Get your damn hands off of me, boy," and with that, the gentleman returned from the direction they came. As they disappeared through the trees, the air seemed to clear just a bit. It left behind an unpleasant sludge but at least I felt I could breathe. 

The crowd dispersed as Dutch turned to Arthur, the men spoke quietly and I backed away, shaken by the experience. I knew that the Van Der Linde gang were wanted, chased by a dozen different groups of enemies, but actually seeing the evidence standing in the middle of the place we were all meant to feel the safest was difficult to wrap my head around. 

-

I found myself with Javier again, I'd sought him out when Dutch made the announcement that we were moving again, so I could help to take some tents down like last time. We worked together well enough. We were taking down Arthur's first, deconstructing the canvas and posts, loading everything up on the ammunition wagon it all attached to. I was tasked with carefully unpinning his photographs from the side of it so that they wouldn't be lost in transit. Javier and I weren't as talkative this time around, but his choice to start this particular conversation vexed me.

"This piss you off?" He asked, holding up the photograph of Mary. I frowned at him. 

"No," I simply said. 

"Alright," he said innocently. "I just thought, since you and him…" he trailed off. 

"Whatever he and I are, he's allowed to keep a photo of a person he once held dear," I said, packing away the keepsakes in Arthur's chest. I took the photo from Javier and it joined the rest.

"So, are you guys serious?" He asked. When I didn't answer him, he walked around to stand in front of me, folding up Arthur's bedding. "Micah's been sayin' some stuff."

"Micah," I repeated, looking up at Javier. "Micah doesn't know anything about Arthur and I so take it with a pinch of salt."

"No, not about Arthur, 'bout you and him, at the Parlour House," he told me. 

I stared for a moment, mind failing to conjure up a response. 

He smirked, though he seemed surprised. "So something did happen?"

"What's he been saying?"

"Nothing, really. It's all vague suggestion, was saying it 'round the fire the other night when you were in here with Arthur," he explained. "I know you and Micah have had some tension, with that kiss that day."

"What the fuck did he say?" I reiterated, getting irritated. 

"Said stuff like you and him make a good team, the usual crap. But then he talked about you two going out drinking at the Parlour House, you two had fun together, got along real well. Said it with this smirk on his face," Javier told me, wearing a salacious smirk of his own. "Didn't make it hard to read between the lines."

"Right, so basically, he's tryin'a start a rumour about me and him? What, that we kissed? Slept together?" I scoffed, and Javier shrugged. "Well, here's a rumour, spread it all you like. That bristly faced creep asked me to sleep with him at the Parlour House that night, an' he's clearly feeling hard done by considering I rejected him. And don't worry, Arthur already knows about the whole damn embarrassment and I talked him down from beating him, but I'm sure he'd reconsider if I jus' said the word." 

With every word I stepped closer to Javier, poison in my tone that wasn't really directed at him. The corner of his mouth curled up and he leaned away, holding his hands up in surrender. When I was finished, he let loose a chuckle. 

"Alright, I got you, loud and clear."

"I've been trying my damnedest to find the best in him, I know there's some decency in the man, but, by God. He's making it real difficult for me not to join the rest of 'em in hating the bastard," I huffed, feeling my face flush with embarrassment mixed with anger.

"Ay, it's okay. I never really believed him. Don't think anyone else did, either, we all saw how you were when Arthur got fucked up by the O'Driscolls," he reassured me, putting a hand on my shoulder and gingerly pushing me backwards, out of his personal space.

"Yeah well, even so, I don't take kindly to someone making me out to be somethin' I ain't. Say if someone did believe him, then watched me hanging around in Arthur's tent all these weeks, they'd think I was a real piece of work," I muttered, snatching the pillow from Arthur's bed and putting it in the wagon, then moving to roll up the thin padding that served as a mattress.

Javier laughed. "I think you're overestimating people's ability to give a damn. Even if it was true; you wanna get it on with half the gang, that's up to you. Wouldn't be the first girl," he snickered. 

I cocked a brow at him. 

"Could'a been any one of us in John's position," he shrugged. My head whipped around towards where Abigail was, helping pack with Sadie and Karen. 

"Oh, I ain't gossiping. Stop it," I muttered, shaking my head.  

"Alright, muñequita," he chuckled, "no more gossip."

"What does that mean?" I asked. 

"What does what mean?"

"Mune– mune– that word you said," I shook my head, the unfamiliar word dissolving in my mind before I could repeat it.

"Muñequita?" He smirked at me, looking a little surprised that I'd asked. A little embarrassed, even. "Oh, nothing. It's a… just a name. A term of endearment."

"Oh, alright. It's a pretty word," I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him. 

"Means little doll. People don't tend to ask me what I'm saying, so I'm a little caught off guard," he laughed, shaking his head and turning away from me to lift up the bed frame. "The name seemed to suit you. Those jobs you do, putting on all these roles, playing pretend. Like a little kid's doll." 

He leaned the bed up against the wagon and turned to me, appraising my reaction.

"Well, playing pretend…" I started, pursing my lips in thought. "I guess I can pretend it ain't me robbing people blind. It's Jemima Jones." 

Javier laughed through his nose, tilting his head down. 

"Jemima Jones. She's a clever girl, but don't let her take all the credit–"

"I'm glad you two are gettin' along so nicely but if you remember, we all have the threat of death hangin' over us until we get packed up and gone. Get moving!" Miss Grimshaw hissed as she marched passed us. 

Javier and I shared a glance before getting back to work.