#It was a bit funny since y'know I switched out once I got them but that was out and about - different Vibes and mirrors and the like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zirkkun · 3 years

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I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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neighbourskid · 3 years

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Dave? Dave.

It's been quite a bit since I've written anything here, huh? Well, I guess as it has been for pretty much everyone, life has been kinda strange for a while now. Despite vaccine roll-outs and continually changing safety regulations, there's still a global pandemic on, and everyone is trying to navigate this reality the best they can. For once, we are all, generally speaking, in the same boat now (sure, there are huge differences between countries because capitalism fucking sucks and rich greedy humans are once again proof that things need to change asap, but overall, we all have to deal with this pandemic).

But I don't actually want to talk about the pandemic, it just exists as a frame of what I do wanna talk about.

As I have mentioned before, when the pandemic hit, I was in the last semester of my undergrad studies and writing my Bachelor thesis. Or that's what I was supposed to do, anyway. I did do a lot of reading for it, early in the first lockdown after university closed and we were all attending from home. I was lucky, I had no classes, I only had like three scheduled meetings to check in on progress of the thesis, but otherwise I was free of zoom calls and attempting to attend university digitally. So I read.

After a while, reading became taking a book with me into the sun, glancing at one or two pages, and then just napping for most of the day, and spending my evenings either playing video games or watching some tv show or movie. At some point, I felt like now was the perfect time to rewatch all fifteen seasons of CRIMINAL MINDS, so I did that, instead of writing my thesis. I still occasionally read, but most of the days I just felt exhausted and unmotivated so I stayed in bed and binged my crime show.

As the deadline for the thesis started approaching, and the time I had left fell under a month, a switch in my brain seemed to be activated and, oh, hello, suddenly there was a certain drive there for that thesis again. Which lasted exactly until an email from university dinged into my inbox a few days later, informing me that I would get another month for my thesis, due to the pandemic. And away that motivation and drive went, immediately.

Not much later I had a session with the therapist I was seeing at the time, because of the hormone treatment I had started early that same year. I had talked to him about my concern that I might have ADHD before because I didn't feel like there was anything we needed to talk about related to my transition, so I brought it up again here. I told him how my thesis was going -- or rather, how it wasn't going at all -- and finally, as I told him about some of the issues I experienced while trying to do work for it, he acknowledged that I may indeed have some attention regulation issues. He prescribed me medication to try out, and -- wonder oh wonder -- suddenly I was writing my thesis. I ended up finishing it on time (even though a week before I had a moment of "all of this is garbage, I will never pass, I should start the whole thing from scratch") and got a decent grade for it, too. I've been on those meds since.

Over the last, I don't know how many years, I've always known that there was something a bit wonky about my brain. There were always these things that seemed to come so easy to other people, and try as I might, I just couldn't make them happen. I, presumably, had a lot of neurotypical friends. I also have friends with depression, BPD, anxiety disorders and other neurodivergencies. I have family members with autism. I know my mom suspected I might be on that spectrum as well.

Reading up on many of those things I never felt like any of them described what I was experiencing. There were certain traits, sure, but mostly there was a lack of what I actually did experience in most of them. Even ADHD, when reading about the "required" issues and traits, doing those self-diagnosing questionnaires, I just never saw what I felt represented. And then I started reading about what people with diagnosed ADHD had to say about how they experience things. I ignored the more medical or clinical information, and just looked for people talking about how they navigate their lives with ADHD. And then all of a sudden it was, oh, yeah this, this is relatable. This is where my brain's at.

Suddenly it made sense that caffeine didn't do nothing for me, that a nice, warm cup of coffee put me right to sleep. It made sense how, after only a month, suddenly a well beloved hobby or tv show was suddenly of no interest whatsoever. Staring at the wall for three hours instead of doing a simple task. Drawing in class so that I could pay attention to what is being said. The inability to remember much of my life before 6th grade. Having to bounce my leg so I could read a simple text. Needing to visually break a book down into chapters with colourful post-its to keep me from being overwhelmed by the length of the book. And so many other things. Suddenly, there was a reason for that.

I've always liked doing personality quizzes. Or doing stuff related to my zodiac sign even if I don't believe in astrology per se. Finding out what my Enneagram number is. Or my Myers-Briggs type. Not because I think those things define me or describe me to a T, but because they give me a vocabulary. They give me options. I love answering a bunch of questions and then getting a wall of text telling me This Is Who You Are and then I get to pick out what is accurate and what isn't. It gives me words to describe who I am that I didn't have before.

And it is the same thing with posts or videos of people with ADHD. It gives me a vocabulary for the things I experience and it lets me express those things in a way I wasn't able to before. Before, I was like, doing things that my brain doesn't want to do, feels like running headfirst into a wall because there is no way above, around, or underneath it. There is no door, no ladder, no tunnel, no nothing. There is only running headfirst into it until maybe, hopefully, it cracks. Preferably before my head does. But that is exhausting and most of the time, I prefer to not get through the wall at all, if what it takes is going headfirst through it. Now, I know that what that is, is a dopamine deficiency. The task that needs doing, the task that this wall is, doesn't give my brain enough dopamine. There is no satisfaction, there is nothing to gain from that task, so the brain isn't interested.

One of the things that I recently discovered and helps me a lot in this quest of figuring out how my brain works, is this guy Connor on tiktok, who also has ADHD. His videos are both hilarious and informative. And also incredibly relatable. They might be silly haha funny videos on the dear old internet, but I walk away from most of them going, oh! oh that makes sense, good to know.

He occasionally talks about how ADHD is completely misnamed and how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not actually accurately describe what exactly people with ADHD lack. In one of his videos, he calls it DAVE instead. It's silly, and sounds a bit dumb, but I kinda like it. Dave. Dopamine Attention Variability Executive-Disfunction. Dave. I like Dave.

Y'know, I don't mind having ADHD. Presumably, I've lived with it my whole life so far. And it's annoying as shit some of the time. Especially when things need to get done and they just won't. But I don't mind that, especially now that I know that this is what it is. I've always feared that if I finally do go to a therapist and try to figure out what my brain is up to, they'll just tell me that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. And at first, my therapist did say I was psychologically unremarkable. But I guess if you've lived like this your whole life and nobody has really picked up on it, even a therapist doesn't notice (it's called masking, I've learned, thanks Connor).

But knowing is good. Knowing means I can learn things that help. I can take medication when needed. And, looking at the grades I'm currently getting in my graduate studies? Hells yeah, taking that medication and knowing how to deal with certain aspects of my brain helps a lot. It is incredibly funny to me that the best grades I have gotten in my entire academic career have been achieved in my Master's studies during a global pandemic. There is currently an actual real possibility that I may graduate summa cum laude. In my MA. That is insane!

Anyway, I am avoiding tasks by writing this right now. Oh, the irony. I'm gonna try and do those tasks now. Y'all take care. Cheers!

#personal blog #alex talks #adhd #connordewolfe #tiktok

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raving--ravenclaw · 4 years

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Christmas With... The Longbottoms! - Neville x Reader

A/N: welcome to part two of my Harry Potter Christmas series! Neville is my absolute favorite character so I really enjoyed writing this for him. I hope you enjoy reading it!

Warnings: None

Words: 2,500

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I nearly fell to the ground as Neville and I landed our apparition at his house. Him and I have been best friends pretty much since the first day of our first year at Hogwarts and every year we spend Christmas together. We alternate whose house we spend it at every year. Since we were at my house for Christmas last year we'd be spending it at his house this year.

His house was tall, three stories to be exact, and boxy. The siding is darkly colored and it seemed as if it was leaning forward. There wasn't much character to it unless you count the feeling of gloom it gave to anyone within sight of it. One thing about the house was off though… there were no Christmas decorations up.

"Neville, in the six years that we have been spending Christmas together I have never seen your house sans decorations."

"With the rise of he who shall not be named Gran didn't want to decorate. Said it didn't feel very Christmassy this year."

"That's rubbish."

"I s'pose you're going to gripe about it aren't you?"

"You know me too well. The only reason it doesn't feel like Christmas is because you don't have any decorations up! Voldemort didn't cancel Christmas!"

Neville flinched at the mention of the name and I turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout it."

"S'alright. Just wasn't expecting it is all."

I gave him a hug and held him tightly. Neville and I were always very touchy. I'm not quite sure what the reasoning was behind his touchiness but mine came from the constant want to be close to him. I would easily admit it to anyone that asked but no one really seemed to notice my liking for him, including him.

Neville pulled away from our hug,"you're still wearing my scarf."

"I need it right now too, it's freezing out here."

"We could go inside if you want. It is cold."

"It is. Let's go."

We jogged inside and pulled the door closed quickly behind us. The warmth hit me like a nice cozy wall. The inside of Neville's house was always dimly lit and you could tell that his gran had decorated. That's not to say it wasn't cozy though. I always felt welcome at Neville's. However, I have to admit that his gran is not my favorite person in the World because of the way she treats him sometimes.

Neville shed his coat and then turned and offered to take mine. I peeled my coat off and set it gently in his hands.

"Gran, we're home," he bellowed after hanging up the coats in the entry way closet.

His gran came shuffling out of the kitchen door at the end of the narrow hallway that led to the rest of the house.

"Welcome, y/n. Merry Christmas."

"Thank you, Ms. Longbottom. Merry Christmas."

"It's late. Shouldn't you be preparing for bed?"

"We just got in Gran."

She huffed, "well I'm going to bed. You know where the blankets are Neville."

"Night Gran."

"Goodnight," I added as she began to climb the stairs.

Neville and I watched in silence as she disappeared at the the top of the stairs. She was awfully abrasive tonight. Don't get me wrong she was often grumpy but not usually entirely unpleasant. I assumed it was voldemort's recent re-appearance that probably had her on edge.

"Shall we go up then," Neville asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Sure."

I went to grab my bag but Neville got to it first.

"Let me y/n."

"You don't have to do that, really, I can get it."

"Y/n, I'd carry you up if you let me," Neville said starting up the stairs.

"You're too sweet, Neville," I said following.

Neville's bedroom was on the top floor of the house and down a long haul. I wasn't in the best shape and I hate to admit but I would be put of breath by the time we got to his room. Once, when we were younger, we got an old slab of wood out of the attic and sled down the stairs over and over again until his gran caught us. I swear we never sat still as kids.

Reaching his room, Neville dramatically kicked the door open, having both of his hands full with my suitcase. I laughed at his overdramatic way of opening the door. Every year we spent Christmas at his house we always just slept in his room together. I was surprised that this hadn't changed as we grew older.

"Y'know, either your gran really trusts us or she hasn't really thought this whole thing through," I chuckled.

"I think she just doubts my abilities."

"Your abilities‽" I laughed.

He struggled to try and explain what he meant and was stuttering all over the place. He finally settled on saying, "you know what I mean."

"I really don't," I said pulling blankets down out of his closet and setting them on the window seat.

"Gran sees it as how I tend to be bad at everythin'," he said coming over to make the window seat up for a bed.

"You are not Nev." I cupped his cheek and turned his head to look at me. "Sure you used to be a bit clumsy but first of all there's nothing wrong with that and second of all you've grown out of it."

His eyes were so gentle. I could truly sit and stare into them hour after hour. "It's hard to shake, y'know? That view of myself."

I guided his forehead to mine and practically nuzzles into him. "It's not hard for me. I see my best friend everyday and realize that he's turned into this amazing, gorgeous, young man and we're only sixteen. You've still got growing left to do. I'm not going to be able to handle you by next year." He chuckled. "And I'm so luck to have you. Honestly I'm jealous too, I wanna look this good." We both laughed. "Never doubt yourself Neville, you have no reason too."

"For the record, I think you look better."

I finally let go of his face and he continued to make up a bed with a big smile.

"Why don't you sleep in your bed and I'll take the window seat this time."

"But the window seat's not very comfy. I don't mind sleeping there for you."

I had to take a deep breath and clear my mind before speaking. He was so sweet sometimes that it was hard to not just tell him how much I love him. He's just so good to me. How could I not love him? It's a bit overwhelming but in the best way.

"I'll take it Neville, it's okay."

"If you want to switch just let me know, okay?"

"Okay."

I settled down into the window seat and Neville in his bed. Out the large circle window I could see the moonlight glinting off the snow below. One thing I loved about Neville's room is how at night it filled with moonlight because of this window. It made you feel calm and on a full moon you didn't need any artificial light to see. His room in general was calm, just like his presence. It's funny how someone so riddled with nerves and anxiety could always make others feel so relaxed and safe. I guess he didn't want anyone else to go through what he was going through. I looked across the room to see him gently fiddling with a plant on his nightstand. I always did my best to make him feel calm too. He's been through so much his whole life. A lot of it right here in this house.

"Hey, y/n, do you want to decorate for Christmas tomorrow? You were right, it feels wrong without it."

"I would love to."

"Can't wait. Good night, y/n, sleep well."

"Good night Neville."

"If you need anything, I'm right here."

I rolled over and dozed off quickly feeling safe and excited for the next day.

In the morning I quickly hopped up out of bed, excited to decorate and get in the Christmas spirit. I ran across the room and flopped onto Neville's bed causing him to bolt upright and exclaim.

"Good morning sleepy head."

"You really scared me there!"

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I'm excited too. Just let me get dressed."

He tucked himself away in his closet to get dressed and didn't come out until I had told him I was fully clothed.

"You look so festive!" He was referring to my Christmas sweater that had little lights all over it.

"Thank you! You look very cozy."

He and I rushed downstairs to have a quick breakfast before getting to decorating. During which, his gran told us how it was wrong to celebrate when such dark things were going on in the World. Which is exactly why I thought we needed to decorate, it would surely bring some light to that darkness. We asked her for help with decorating since we weren't allowed to use magic outside of school yet and wouldn't have any way to hang the lights. She declined though and we realized we would have to do things the muggle way.

Once up in his attic we struggled to find the string lights and everything we would need to hang them but eventually we found everything. Getting the lights up one the house was certainly going to be the hardest part.

"So we have to use the muggle device," I stared at the tall triangle with spaced out stairs that was folded up and leaned against the wall.

"I think we can figure it out alright," he picked up the odd thing.

We grabbed all of our decorations and the muggle device and lugged all of it to his front yard.

"Where do we start?"

"If you'll hold the ladder, I'll climb up and hang the lights," I offered.

"That's dangerous. What if you fall?"

"Make sure you catch me," I winked at him and giggled as he turned bright red. "I'd trust you with my life any day Neville."

"That makes one of us," he said, leaning the ladder against the house. "Please be careful."

"I will be, try not to worry."

I climbed the ladder with a bundle of lights and looked back down at Neville. Goodness it WAS high up and we're not even to the top of the house yet.

"You alright?"

"Yeah I'm okay, Neville," I shouted down.

He was holding the ladder steady and I'm pretty sure if I was down there I could see his knuckles turning white from how tight he was gripping it. I was very careful to keep my balance as I hung the lights across the eave. I leaned back, keeping a tight hold on the ladder, to see if I had the lights even. When I was satisfied with the way they looked I began to back down the ladder. I stepped down to the third ring from the top and my foot slipped off. Everything was a blur as I fell toward the ground rapidly. I heard a grunt as I landed that I was sure wasn't mind and the ground felt much softer than it ought to.

"Does this count as catching you," Neville groaned from underneath me.

"I'd say so," I groaned, propping myself up on my hands.

"You alright?" He smiled up at me.

"Yes, thanks to you," I wiped a strand of hair out of his face.

We stayed there on top of each other. It was mildly awkward but somehow not at the same time and eventually we burst into laughter.

"I suppose I should get off you now."

"I s'pose."

"You're so warm though," I laughed getting up.

"If you're cold we could go in and warm up," he got up off the ground.

I told him that I was fine and we continued on with the lights. We each took turns going up on the ladder to hang them. Neither of us made the mistake of falling off again. Not only did we hang up lights on the house but we put lights in his front bushes and candy canes along the front path. By nightfall we had his house looking more festive than ever before.

We sat inside now, in his room. With everything going on out in the World right now this was surprisingly shaping up to be one of my favorite Christmases with him. I don't know what it is but I feel closer to him than ever.

"I'm still cold from being out all day. Are you," I asked Neville who sat across the room on his bed.

"Little bit. I had fun though."

He got up and walked over to the window seat and sat down across from me. He grabbed the top layer of his clothes and pulled the sweater off and handed it to me.

"H-Here."

"Thanks," I said slipping it on. "I'm beginning to think I'll be cold forever."

Across the seat the Christmas lights shone in the window casting a light glow of color onto Neville. He looked so handsome, he always did.

He held his arms open for me, "if you're still cold I could help."

I scooted across the bench to lean into him. His arms wrapped around me and I nuzzled into him. We sat like that for a long while, talking about anything and everything, laughing and carrying on. The whole time we've been sitting like this I've been considering telling him how I feel. It would be so easy too. There was nothing stopping me. Well, except for the fact that he can be so shy and if I told him he might just curl up into a ball and never speak again. But maybe it was worth a shot.

"Neville."

"Yeah?"

"I really like you. Like a lot."

"I thought we had established that already," he laughed.

"Wait, you knew I have feelings for you?" I turned around in his arms to look at him.

"You have feelings for me‽"

"That's what I meant when I said I like you a lot!"

"Oh….," He stared off into space as if to contemplate this deeply.

"You know if you don't have feelings for me too that's okay," I said, hopeful that he wouldn't confirm what I had just said.

"No! No! I just didn't want to tell you. I really love having you around and I didn't want that to change."

"Well, I'd like to be around more, if you're okay with that."

"I don't think that's possible," he laughed.

"Even so," I chuckled.

I kissed him on the cheek and settled back down into his arms and as he nuzzled his head into the back of mine everything was as it should be.

#neville longbottom #neville imagine #neville #neville x reader #harry potter #hogwarts #holiday #christmas #fanfic #fanfiction

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witchy-mel · 3 years

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The Note

[A/N: This is a Russell x Petey "one-shot" fanfic. I put one-shot in quotes because I low-key kinda ship them and this is basically just my interpretation of how their relationship would... begin(if that makes sense lol). I won't be necessarily adding on to this, but if my school work doesn't take over me, I might make different situations of this ship(or just draw it idk). FYI: I'm going to be using Petey's full first name when he's not being referred to in quotes just in case you're wondering why he's referred to so formally lol(idk why i did it this way, but it's just better for me than to just use 'Petey' all the time).]

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It was 3:30 pm on a Thursday. Classes were over for the day. Kids were racing out of classroom doors, hurrying to meet with friends to talk about weekend plans and whatnot. Something Peter wished he was doing right now. Unfortunately for him, he was walking down the halls with Derby Harrington. They were talking about their part of the class project they got assigned to in English. Luckily, they got the easiest part. All they had to do was a six-slide PowerPoint report summary of the current novel the class was reading, Romeo and Juliet. Every one else was assigned a skit or some sort of visual representation, and Peter was glad he wouldn't have to experience another episode of 5th grade. But his luck didn't last long because he got paired up with Derby. If he had a list of Preps that he couldn't stand, Derby would be at the very top. His snobbish behavior irritated him and he was going to have to deal with it for two weeks. He couldn't switch partners either because Mr. Galloway had already picked these groups in advance so he was just going to have to deal with it. Hopefully, he won't drive him crazy before the end of the week.

They had stopped by Peter's locker so that he could put away his stuff and grab his book. "So, we'll do three slides each, then, " Peter said while neatly stacking his things into his locker. The golden-haired boy leaned on a locker next to Peters, examining his manicured nails with one leg crossed over the other. "Let's keep this simple, okay. Harringtons are very busy people, y'know." Derby said, who was now examining the nails on his right hand. 'Yeah, because buying yachts and spending daddy's money is soooo time-consuming,' Peter thought while rolling his eyes. Ignoring Derby's statement, they proceeded to talk about how they would set-up the project. While they were discussing their plans, the hallway next to them was emptying faster than when one of the bullies would chuck a stink bomb in the cafeteria, making the already horrid smell of the lunchroom even more unbearable.

Kids were darting left and right, frantically trying to avoid the person that was coming their way. Cheerful conversations were replaced with gasps and footsteps tapping against the floor. It was Russell and he was heading straight towards Peter's locker. His head hung low, his face dull and ominous. His power-walk made him look even more threatening. It wouldn't take him long to get there. "... and make sure to be prepared the day before the due date. We don't-" Derby was cut short after he took a glance up from his hand, seeing Russell storming towards them. He quickly fled into the bathroom that was close to the lockers.

Peter, on the other hand, was still rummaging through his locker. He was looking for his book for the project. He could have sworn he had put it on the top shelf. He had already toned out Derby earlier, which was for him, but it was a little too quiet. "Sorry, what were you saying?" Peter asked as he closed his locker, pretending as if he was listening. He'd imagined Derby would be standing there with his arms crossed with an impatient look on his face. Strange enough, he had completely disappeared. "Derby...?" Peter called out while he looking around, but no response. He just shrugged it off; more time to work then. He decided to use a copy online until he can find his.

He turned from his locker and was greeted by Russell looming over him. His tan skin slowly faded into a sickly white as he locked eyes with the taller and significantly larger pupil. His face was red, and his eyebrows were burrowed. Was he mad? But why at him? He greeted him nervously, "Uh...h-hey Russell," his voice small and shaky. Russell suddenly slammed his giant hand against Peter's locker, trapping the petite boy in between himself and it. The noise of the metal clashing together made Peter jolt and hiccup a gasp. There were so many thoughts were racing through his head. 'What is happening?' 'Did I do something wrong?' ‘Is he going to shove me in the locker?' ‘What does he want from me?’ Russell had begun to raise his tightly balled fist. Peter just flinched beneath him and waited for whatever was to come. A minute passed before he realized that he was still in one piece and wasn't smooshed into someone's messy locker. Peter slowly opened his right eye to see if it was just some prank to scare him. Well, that's what he hoped. To his surprise, he saw a little, white, wrinkled envelope resting in Russell's large palm. "For...Petey," Russell said, who was now looking away from the smaller boy, his face slightly flushed. Peter carefully took the envelope out of his hand. "Ah- t-thank you," he said, with a fearful grin. Russell removed his hand from the rusty green locker and shoved them into his dirty, jean pockets then walked away from Peter, leaving him lost for words.

Peter watched as Russell walked away until he disappeared behind the hallway walls. After grasping what had just happened, he slammed his body into the locker and slid down to the tiled floor. A sigh of relief escaping his lungs. He looked at the envelope in his hand He turned it around in his hand. 'What could be in this?' he thought as he studied the envelope. Knowing Russell, surprises from him either left you injured or eternally traumatized. "Is he gone?" asked a voice coming from the right of him. He turned his head towards the bathroom to discover the once obnoxious and over-confident prep cowering behind the boys' restroom wall. It was kind of funny. He couldn't blame him, but still. "Yeah," Peter answered back. He was trying to hold back laughter. "Good. Speak of this to anyone, and I'll have daddy sue you." Derby threatened while he brushed off his Aquaberry vest and recomposed himself. Peter quickly cleared his throat and put on a straight face. “Well, now that that's over, I'll be seeing you tomorrow in English, so be prepared.” He then proceeded to walk down the hall towards the main doors. Peter decided it was his time to leave as well and because he was getting sore from sitting on the hard floor for so long. He pushed himself up and headed for the boys' dorm.

When Peter entered the dorm, it was quieter than usual. It was practically empty. Well, it would be if Gary and Jimmy weren't sitting on the couch watching some cartoon on the tv that he didn't care to recognize. ‘Just great…’, he thought. If they spotted or heard him, especially Gary, they'd probably hassle him about the letter. He had to figure out a way to get past them quietly. Then it came to him. As ridiculous, and probably unsanitary, as it was, he got down on all fours and started crawling to his room. Since he was small enough, it would be easier for him to sneak past. Successfully making it past the entrance to the living area, he now had to make the final stretch. As soon as he was far enough from the doors, he tiptoed the rest of the way to his room. When he got to the door, he slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door wide enough so that he could quickly slip in. He slid through and gently closed the door.

The duo continued watching tv in the living room, but Peter's plan didn't necessarily go as planned. Unfortunately, the main doors weren't as quiet as he was. "He does know that we heard him come through the front door, right?" Gary asked before taking another sip of Beam Cola. "Just let him have his fun," Jimmy replied, still focused on the tv. There was a moment of silence until Gary placed the can on the floor next to him and leaped over their couch, "I'm gonna see what he's doing," Gary said. He shoved his hands into his pants pockets and headed towards Peter's room. Jimmy sighed, then t switched off the tv.

Safe and sound he hoped. Peter plopped straight onto his bed. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the envelope. He examined it a bit closer than when he was in the school halls. It was sealed with a barely sticky, small, pink heart sticker, and on the back was a note that read 'For Peter' written in three different shades of red in colored pencils. He lifted the sticker from the paper and pulled out the neatly folded piece of notebook paper stored inside. But before he could even read it, it was snatched out of his hands. "What'cha got here, femme boy? A love letter? Let me guess... it's for Beatrice, isn't it?" Gary teased, "Or wait, maybe it's for one of the jocks. I know how much you love to watch them during football practice in those tight pants." Gary pestered, causing Peter's face to go red. He didn't even hear him come in. He knew he should've locked the door! He had to get that letter back before he read it. "Hey, give that back!" he cried, stretching his arms up to grab the piece of paper Gary was taunting him with but was failing to reach it. "And it's not mine; someone gave it to me," Peter explained, still stretching for the paper. He knew he shouldn't have said that, knowing it would only make this worst. "Ooh~, a secret admirer, huh~?" asked Gary, seeming even more interested, "It can't be any of the girls. Hm...maybe one of the nerds or, better yet, one of those idiotic bullies! That seems right up your alley." Gary insulted. A sly, toothy smirk painting his face. Peter had stopped reaching for the paper bowed his head, tightly balling his fists up in his lap, almost digging his nails into his palms. His vision became blurry, and his face was hot.

"Cut it out already, would ya? Geez." Jimmy instructed while propped up on the door frame, his arms folded. "What? I was just playing around," Gary shrugged. Peter quickly snatched the paper out of Gary's hand, secretly wishing it would have given him a paper cut. "You're such a jerk, you know that?" Peter snapped back, clearing his watery eyes. "Aw~ did I hwurt da baby's feewlings? Here let me kiss it better." He extended his arms, attempting to hug the smaller boy but was restricted by a hand pushing on his chest. "Shut up..." Peter responded irritated, dodging eye contact.

"Well, when you two are done making out, I would like to know what's going on here," Jimmy said impatiently. "Little Petey here got a love letter," Gary said, pushing himself away from Peter. Jimmy raised an eyebrow, "A love letter? From who?" This was the part that Peter didn't want to happen. He knew if they found out, they'd probably, no DEFINITELY, laugh at him. Especially Gary. That's why he wanted to get to his room unnoticed. But he couldn't just sit there in silence, wishing he could turn back the time. He took a deep breath and spoke, "...it's…from Russell..." the boy softly answered.

"Russell?!" the duo exclaimed, jaws practically dropping to the ground. "So I was right! Haha, that's hilarious!" Gary laughed as if he had heard the funniest joke in the world. Jimmy elbowed him in the arm, almost causing Gary to fall. The taller boy glared back at Jimmy while rubbing his arm. "What does the letter say?" Jimmy asked. Peter uncrumpled the paper from when he snatched it out of Gary's hands so that he could read it. The handwriting was really neat, but the grammar was close to illegible. He tried his best to decode the message. "Meet Russell at...Old Bullworth Vale Garden tomorrow... at 4:00 pm." ‘4:00?’ 'What does he want to meet up for?' Peter thought about the incident that went down at the lockers and it sent shivers down his spine thinking about it.

"Ooo~ little Petey's going on his first date." "Would you cut it out already?" Petey shot back. He was growing tired of Gary's little comments. That combined with the thoughts of Russell potentially trapping him a port-a-potty only gave him a headache, and Gary wasn't making it any better. "Could you guys just go…please?" He said while rubbing his forehead. This was stressing him out. The two said their goodbyes and left Peter to drown in his thoughts. He could hear them arguing outside his door, but he wasn't paying much attention. He was still thinking about the note. He laid down on his bed and stared up at the broken ceiling fan. He thought to himself, 'Why did I read it?' 'What if I just threw it away? Then what?'. Peter didn't have time to worry about the ‘what-ifs’. He had a project to do. He groaned and rolled out of his bed. Sitting at his desk, he opened up his laptop and began working. Hoping that this would keep his mind off of it.

It was the next day at school. The day was nearly over, and Peter felt as though he had made no progress at all. All his day his mind was fogged up with recurring thoughts. His thoughts had shortly came to a stop because a faint voice was coming into tune through his right ear "…ey. Hey! Snap out of it!" It was Derby who was snapping his fingers, trying to pull the dazed boy out of his trance. "Hm? Oh, sorry, I got a little distracted..." Peter explained. "A little?! You've been "distracted" almost during the entire class! This is the third time I had to wake you back up!" Derby responded sharply. "I said I was sorry, alright? I just have a lot on my mind right now..." Peter explained. “Ha! What exactly could poor people even think about? Now is not the time for jokes, Kowalski.” Peter stared him down, now even more annoyed. He wished he was daydreaming again. Derby rolled his eyes and sighed. "Whatever, let's just get back to work," Derby instructed. They continued to work on their separate slides, Peter trying his best to keep his head out of the clouds.

*RING* The sound of the last school bell. To Peter, it sounded like the final gong before disaster struck. He stopped by his locker to put his stuff away before heading to the dorm. When he got to the dorm he headed straight to his room. He entered his room and sat on his bed. He sat there for a while. He scanned the wall in front of him until his eyes landed on the clock. A couple more minutes until it was time to meet up with Russell. He stood up and walked to the mirror behind the bed. He stared at his reflection. He looked drowsy. He hardly got any sleep last night. It was because of the note. That stupid note kept him in and out of sleep. Even when he was doing his work, that couldn't take his mind off of it either. And this was all because of a piece of paper. More so the person who wrote on that flimsy piece of paper. He slapped his face a bit to wake him up a bit and bring the color back to it. He contemplated whether he should change his clothes or not, but he decided that was unnecessary. It's not like he was going on a date or anything, despite what Gary said, so he just took off his vest and fixed up his shirt collar. He looked back at the clock. It was about time. He looked in the mirror and gave himself a reassuring nod. He headed out his room and straight to Old Bullworth Vale Garden. At least he would've been if he didn't have an unexpected visitor.

Gary was standing in front of him, his hand raised to knock on the door. Great, another person he didn't want to see today. They stared at each other for a while. “Look. I have somewhere to be, so if you have something important to say, hurry up.” the smaller boy explained. “Rushing to see your new boyfriend, huh?” Gary teased. Unsurprisingly, he only came to annoy him. Peter tried to walk past him, but Gary quickly blocked his path again. Peter sighed, “What?” he asked impatiently. “Look, I'm sorry, ok. For yesterday.” “You really think I'd fall for that? I know Jimmy told you to do this.” “Well, yeah. But if I didn't, then you'd ignore me for the rest of the week. Then teasing you won't be as fun. So…apology accepted?” Gary asked with a crooked smile. Peter shook his head. “I'll think about it.” He responded firmly. He pushed past Gary and continued on his way.

Well, here he was. No turning back now. He scanned the park looking for Russell, but he couldn't see him anywhere. Fortunately, he brought the note with him. Peter pulled the note out of his back pocket and unfolded it. He re-read it to see if there were any directions. Nothing on the front. He flipped it over to the backside. In blue-colored pencil was a message in the middle of the paper that read: 'Meet by soda machine' He stuffed the paper back into his pocket and treaded up the long stone path. When he reached the stone wall before the picnic area, he paused for a bit. There he was. He was sitting on the far left of the stone bench, staring out into the distance. He puffed out his chest then walked over to him. "Hey, Russell!" Peter greeted with a tiny wave, trying not to sound scared. Russell spun his head around and directed his vision to the smiling boy. Hi, Petey..." the red-head replied meekly, his cheeks a little flushed. "Mind if I sit here?" Peter asked, pointing at the vacant spot on the bench. Russell shook his head which allowed Peter to pop-a-squat right next to him.

"Sooo, what did you want to talk about?" Peter asked. Russell was nervously twiddling his thumbs, avoiding eye contact with the smaller boy. He never felt this anxious about someone, especially someone who he deemed as weaker than him. And that was nearly everyone! But for some reason, Peter was different. "Well...," he started, slowly, "Russell has been feeling weird. Towards you…" "Weird? What do you mean?" Peter asked curiously. "Whenever I see you...Russell get a weird feeling in my stomach, and heart goes fast," he answered. He could feel his cheeks getting hotter. It took Peter a while to realize what he meant. When he did, his eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Wait, are you saying that you like me?" Russell nodded, his cheeks becoming darker by the second. "For how long?" "A while," Russell responded shyly. Peter was still shocked about the unexpected confession. He didn't know whether to feel relieved that Russell wasn't going to make him walk home smelling like the boys' gym locker room or surprised that Russell had admired him.

He never considered Russell to be his type, not that he had one, but he's pretty sure not many people's types are destructive bullies. But he had to admit when Russell wasn't threatening other students for their lunch money, he was kind of… cute, when he was like this, in one way or another. That's one thing he never thought he would think about Russell."It's okay if you don't like-" Russell began before being cut off by Peter, "N-no, it's fine. I don't mind..." he said while rubbing the back of his neck. A little splash of maroon now tinting his cheeks. Russell was surprised by the response a bit, but it shortly turned into a soft smile.

It was starting to get late, and Peter didn't want one of the prefects reporting him for being out after curfew to Dr. Crabblesnitch. "Well, if that's all you wanted to talk about, I should be getting back to the dorms." He explained. "Russell give you ride back," Russell offered. Thinking about it now, Peter didn't have any way to get back to the dorms, and he didn't like walking around at night. "Oh, okay. Thanks." Peter followed behind Russell towards the entrance gates to retrieve his bike. He stepped onto the spokes and tightly wrapped his arms around the bigger boy's waist. "Ready?" Russell asked. "Yeah," Peter replied. Russell raised his foot off the ground and started pedaling.

Russell was biking slowly just in case he went over any bumps, Peter wouldn't go flying off. The smaller boy was resting his head on his back and his arms wrapped around him gave his butterflies in his stomach, but the good kind. Peter was able to take in the scenery from the beach. The sunset made the town look so peaceful, especially the beach. With little speckles of the sunlight bouncing off the water, it was as if the sea were a peach that contained all of outer space. The scent of Russell's cologne and the view made Peter feel calm. He involuntarily nestled himself closer into his back which caused the redhead's heart to beat faster it could nearly pop out of his chest. He smiled to himself as he continued pedaling towards the school purposely going a bit slower so that the moment would last longer.

They arrived back at the school not long after. Russell parked his bike near the first step of the boys' dorm. Walking up the stairs, Peter stopped at the highest step and Russell two steps behind him so that they were at eye level. Or at least where Peter wasn't bending his neck to see not even half of his face. “Thanks for giving me a ride back.” the tiny boy praised with a gentle smile. “You're welcome," Russell replied sheepishly, blushing. There was small silence between them. The whooshing of the lukewarm early autumn wind filling in for some of the white noise. Before anyone could say anything to break it, Russell planted a little peck on Peter's forehead before walking back down the stairs to his bike. Russell waved back at Peter before getting on his bike and hitching it back home. Peter watched as Russell rode out to the courtyard as they waved at each other. When he was completely out of sight, he slightly touched his forehead and smiled to himself before entering the boys' dorm.

As soon as he got to his room, he fell onto his bed. He took one of his pillows and covered his blushed face in case someone walked in him. Little giggles passing through the pillowcase. He rolled around joyfully, completely messing up his bedsheets. The excitement letting loose throughout his body. He finally had calmed down after a session of frolicking all over his bed. He had almost forgotten to finish the rest of his slides. Now that his mind wasn't as cluttered as before, it would be easier for him to work. But considering what had just happened, he'd probably be distracted thinking about that now. He headed to his desk so he could get started, but before he even sat down, he noticed a book on top of his laptop. There was a piece of paper attached to it with clear tape. He picked it up and sat at his desk chair. Pulling the paper off revealed the cover of the book. Romeo and Juliet. He took a look at the note the was stuck to it. It read:

['Hey femme boy. I stole your girly book. I realized that I didn't want any of your girliness or any of you rubbing off on me, so I decided to return it. Be grateful.'

Sincerely,

You're BFF Gary Smith ;) ]

'So that's where it was huh?' Peter thought. He tongued the inside of his cheek before releasing a slightly annoyed laugh. At least he got his book back. That's all that really mattered. He'll get him back later, but for now, he had work to do. He flipped open his laptop and continued his previous work.

-------------------------------------

That's the end! I'm not really good at writing(even tho my strong suit is English/Literature 👀), so I hope that this was at least a little bit enjoyable/entertaining and not too cringy😅

#idk yall i think this is starting #to become my otp #like 👀👀👀👀👀#its a cute ship tho ngl #peter kowalski #russell northrop #bully scholarship edition #canis canem edit #bully ship

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dangan-meme-palace · 4 years

Note

Do you find Saihara's characterization weird in chapter 6? Because I do :( He's become super confident, optimistic, and leader-like too fast, especially if you compare to ch5 and before...I understand that in the last chapter all protags get pumped up to end the killing game but...he's quoting Momota and he also developed a 'hunch' like him...even Harukawa says 'sometimes you're so much like Kaito' pls no I like Saihara the way he is, meaning, not like Momota :( but that's just my opinion! ^^

Shuichi's characterization is all over the place. It's not even like... "he's inconsistent because humans are inconsistent" or whatever, it's literally just that his personality changes whenever the narrative needs it to without anything but loose, barely-there excuses to try and justify why it happens.

Chapter 1:

No problems with believing in his detective work, he's actually quite shockingly confident in them for how much he downplays them.

His actual problem is not thinking his skills are where they should be according to professional standards, which is an accurate assessment if the rest of the game is anything to go by actually.

Calls Kaito a reckless idiot for doing something reckless and idiotic. This is the only time he does this.

Learns a lesson?? I guess?? The lesson was apparently supposed to be "don't be afraid to reach for the truth" but it came off more like "you shouldn't let everyone die just because you liked Kaede the most, picking favorites and having bias is bad because you have a duty to remain unbiased so everyone doesnt die"

Then everyone conveniently forgets that he was willing to let them die.

Chapter 1 was the best for his characterization except for the trial. I wish he had acted like this throughout the entire game.

Let him investigate. Dear god why doesn't the detective investigate, or even cast doubt?

Chapter 2:

Kaito is starting to become his Bro now. He's not super biased like in later chapters, but you can start to see it happening.

This is the chapter where he tells everyone not to let their biases get in the way of logic, which is funny considering what he's like in other chapters.

Big sad about Kaede, but a few of the characters (Ryoma, Tenko) comfort him so he's choosing to turn this tragedy into a growth moment. I guess it's kinda like what Chihiro did, except a girl had to die for it and he didn't get brained with a dumbbell at the end.

He's the nicest to everyone in this chapter. Don't worry, it won't last long :)

If he had kept the weird sort of optimism he had during this chapter plus the logical thinking instead of leaning into the angst he might've actually developed and Kaede's death might've been worth a damn.

Chapter 3

Maki gets the spotlight so there's not much to say except for the fact that he's gotten super awkward and is getting progressively dumber.

Honestly Maki is kind of right when she keeps calling him a dumbass for asking questions with very obvious answers.

Literally how the fuck did he ever solve infidelity cases when he can't even figure out shit that's this basic.

Smh.

Oh yeah, the odd hopefulness is gone now. It's buried next to my hope of him turning out to be an interesting character.

Put your hat back on if you're gonna angst again emo boy.

Investigation? Dont know her. I only know the Grind 💯 and hanging out with the Bros 😤👊

Chapter 4:

One of his worst chapters. I fucking hate this chapter.

Everyone patted him on the back before the trial and it felt shoehorned in. I'm not even sure why they did it honestly?

Kokichi = Evil

Kaito & Maki = Good

But dont worry guys, he's totally not biased or anything! (/s)

He's mega biased.

During the trial he has a lot of confidence, like the good kind he had back in Chapter 2. Especially when he lied and when he stood his ground against Kaito. He'll be punished by the narrative for going against Kaito, but for now I'll enjoy his limp-dicked rebellion.

Apparently he cares for Gonta except he never once talked to him during the main story and even insulted Gonta in his head during their FTEs. When did he start to care about Gonta? He didn't, but now he does I guess.

Chapter 5:

Another bad chapter. Hate this too

Officially graduated from Kaito's Bro to Kaito's Simp.

Also his confidence is entirely dependent on Kaito. When Kaito wants him to do something, he's sure Kaito's plan will work and gives him all of his support. If Kaito expresses displeasure, he's ashamed of himself and has no confidence. I-... y'know sometimes I genuinely worry about their dynamic.

Kokichi = Evil ×2 combo

No detective work or reasoning. Why would the gofer project want a cosplayer to go to space and preserve humanity? Or an ex murderer? Or an assassin? Or a detective? Are they going to be solving space crimes? Shuichi should have been so god damn suspicious- the MOST suspicious, even- but he's practically braindead at this point in the story.

Investigation skills, when will you return from the war?

Goes from suicidal to "uwu I'm a hopeful student of Hope's Peak Academy" way too quickly for someone with supposed confidence issues.

Seriously, how did he go from "the world has been destroyed and I cant fix it so I might as well die" to "yeah! we will definitely fix it! we dont know how yet, but we'll totally do it because we're Ultimates even though in Chapter 1 I didnt even think I deserved to be an Ultimate but shhhh" so quickly?

Kiibo and Shuichi kinda sounded like Kaede when they saw the Hope's Peak Flashback and it's so fucking weird because there's no justification for it

Chapter 6:

Literally what was this chapter

Why did it take Kiibo threatening to blow up the school to get him to investigate the mastermind again? 9 people have died since Chapter 1, but he acted as though he couldn't do anything about it. He even says he "can only help after people die", but Chapter 1 disproved that because he literally almost caught the mastermind without anyone dying so-

At least he investigated, I guess. It's sad that a detective investigating is considered a miracle, but here we are.

During the trial he's rapidly switching from hopeful to suicidal to hopeful again and it gives me so much whiplash, like god damn. Chill out a bit, buddy.

Much like the now-late Kaito, Shuichi tries to convince everyone to die with him to make some sort of stand against TDR. Somehow this worked and they also somehow didn't die and we aren't given justification for either.

The confidence came from the fact that the narrative needed him to be confident. That's it. There's literally no justification for this. There's no justification for anything, honestly.

What even was that ending, like what the fuck was that? None of their arcs got wrapped up at all...

So basically

Shuichi is confident but he's not but only when Kaito believes in him but he can stand against Kaito when he needs to and also he's not actually confident and Kaito needs to baby him. Shuichi is also not biased because he learned a lesson about that, unless your name is Kaito, Maki, or Kokichi, in which case he is incredibly biased to the point of putting the lives of other people on the line, but he wants everyone to survive because he learned a lesson about that. He's also incredibly dismissive of most of the cast in his head, to the point of being cold, but it should be noted that Shuichi really cares about his friends and is really nice and supportive of others. He's a big doormat except for when he doesn't want to be, unless it involves Kaito, because then he is always a sidekick except for when he isn't.

Hope that cleared things up! As you can see Shuichi is a very consistent character :) (/s)

-tech

#asks #defective detective #ive probably missed a lot but im going off my bad memory #i gotta rewatch the whole game again sooner or later #its been a while #but this is what i can remember anyway

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totaldramafan-lauri · 3 years

Text

Eurovision 2021 Opinions, Predictions, and Rankings

DONE.

I really cut it close this time, but I got a couple days to relax until the contest! >.<

God, I missed Eurovision so much that I think I rambled a bit too hard....XD So, if you don’t have the patience to read all of this, I don’t blame you! I mainly just make these for fun, heh....But if you do read this, PLEASE be warned that I have some very unpopular opinions this year. It’s not as bad as some other years, but there’s a few things in here that will probably confuse people. I’m not trying to piss anyone off, I’m just sharing what I think of the songs and that’s all. I can’t even vote, so.....yeah!

Also, uh....be warned for excessive gushing, because I like the VAST majority of songs this year. There are only two that I’m indifferent to, and none that I outright dislike. And even the two songs I’m indifferent to, I managed to say some good things about, so I don’t outright bash any of the songs! I’m not a critic, I’m just a big Eurovision fan being happy talking about Eurovision.

Ummmm, anything else, hmmmm.....well, the rehearsals have been done, but I don’t watch those cuz I like going in blind. I like being surprised. So, I have no idea how any of the songs will be staged, keep that in mind.

Now, I think I said everything! Into the rambling!

(In alphabetical order by country)

Song: Karma Country: Albania Thoughts: We start our list off with a song that...I wish I liked more! This song is pretty good - I like the music (though the instrumental breaks are pretty busy, with a lot of noise at once) and the vocals are excellent, but...it's a pretty standard Albanian entry in that it lacks that extra wow factor for me. In fact, when I say "standard", I mean that when I haven't heard it in a few days and I try to get in into my head, I'll sometimes confuse it with "Ktheju tokës" (their 2019 entry). And I know that isn't fair to it, but the fact that I can't make it stick in my mind really says a lot to how little of an impact it made on me in the long run. "Ktheju tokës" WAS good, and this song is good, but man do Albania really have trouble standing out in this contest (with the one HUGE exception, of course <3) Prediction: I don't think this will qualify for the final, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was proven wrong. Albania have surprised me multiple times in recent years. I kinda don't wanna be surprised this time, since it could be at the cost of a song I like more (and yeah, it probably will be), but I still wouldn't rule it out. This song does have a chance. But for now, I'll say no, it won't qualify.

Song: Technicolour Country: Australia Thoughts: Time to take off your clothes- wait, that's not it? It's "cloaks"? OK then, if you say so...Not only is this a very cool and unique song, but it's also pretty catchy! It's kinda hard to put into words how I feel about this song. When I first heard it, I liked it OK but I also feared that it would grate on me after a bit, but thankfully, it didn't! In fact, this song grew on me, just the opposite of what I thought. I enjoy this song quite a bit now! The singer's voice is really good. She has impressive range. And there's nothing else this year that sounds like this. So, while I don't love it, I definitely like and respect it! It's an impressive entry from Australia, and I'm sad that they have to preform remotely. I hope that doesn't hurt them too much... Prediction: Oh, I wanna say they'll qualify so bad, cuz they deserve to! And even when their entries don't get love from the televote, they still get carried to the final by the juries, so....I think they might! C'mon, it's a good song and it deserves to do well! I don't even love it that much and I can still see the talent and appeal of this song, so yeah, I'm gonna say it'll qualify! The betters are underselling this! Might not do that well in the final, but eh, at least it'll be there.

Song: Amen Country: Austria Thoughts: And here we come to one of the weirder things this year: like 2015, there are two songs with the same name, leading to some confusion. I'll get to Slovenia's "Amen" way later, but for now all I'll say is that that's the one I think about more BY FAR. To the point where poor Austria here gets completely overshadowed by it. XD And that's really unfortunate, because this song is pretty good! It's very emotional, even moreso when you read that it's based on the deaths of the singer's daughter and aunt. It definitely hit me harder after I realized that it wasn't just a breakup song...and actually about death...The lyrics are also very good, especially the repeating of "Tell me, is this what you wanted?" which is a line that kinda hit me even on first listen? It just sounds so...sad, yet angry, especially with how he sings it...Though I will say that the opening lyric simply being "Amen, I guess" could be easily made fun of...but I'm not gonna do it. Not to this song. Even though it's far from one of my favorites, (and in terms of sad family songs doesn't come close to "You Let Me Walk Alone" levels), it's a good song. Prediction: I don't think Austria really have that much of a chance....but that doesn't mean they're doomed. They could touch hearts with this song, or they could be overlooked, could go either way. I personally think, um.....they won't qualify. Just cuz of the competition.

Song: Mata Hari Country: Azerbaijan Thoughts: Should I be annoyed at how blatantly Azerbaijan recycled their 2020 song? XD Well, I'm not! If anything, I find it funny that they included the line "Just like Cleopatra", which I took as full-on self awareness.....And I also don't mind because the song is awesome, so yeah. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for this stuff! I don't care how many times the song's name is yelled, it still sounds soooooo good! The instrumentals are amazing! The one before the end is easily the best part of the song. Y'know, where she just says "Let's go" and then the beat goes crazy? Perfect. This is a very solid borderline favorite for me. My only real gripe is that...uh, it's "goddess", not "godless"...I can clearly hear her pronounce an L and it bugs me. XD Prediction: In true Azerbaijan fashion, I think this'll be an easy qualifier. It's not a front-runner, but it's a very memorable song and there isn't really anything else like it in the first semifinal (maybe Israel if you squint? But that's a stretch) In the final, hmmmm....maybe it'll place in the middle somewhere? I don't think it'll do as good as "Truth" at least. That's my prediction.

Song: The Wrong Place Country: Belgium Thoughts: Not only is this a grower, but it's also the biggest grower of the bunch for me. Every year, there's that one song that I start out mostly indifferent to, that I do NOT expect to like as much as I end up liking it. The "O Jardim", the "Roi". This year, it's this one. It took me a few listens, but now I really like this song. I can't even explain why, it's just....cool! I like the dark, somber atmosphere of this song, and how it doesn't cross over into overly moody. It's just cool. And I like the lyrics, too. They flow really well, and I like how much detail there is. The whole thing just works so well....well, except for the line about the Johnny Cash t-shirt. That's just baffling. And that's the lyric they end the song with...but other than that, it's a great song that tells a story, with the atmosphere to match, and I really like it. Prediction: The only reason I'm not saying this is an easy qualifier is that the first semifinal is gonna be a bloodbath. XD I just went down the list, counting all the fan-favorites that would normally be shoo-ins, and I counted ELEVEN songs. There's GONNA be outrage that day, I just know it. Personally, I think Belgium could still do it, but it'll be really tough. I want them in the final, but my opinion doesn't matter here. Them making it will probably take a lot of effort, honestly, and...it could go either way. If I had to give an answer to what I think will happen, I'd say that they'll barely not qualify. But I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong! (As long as that doesn't mean losing Croatia in the process)

Song: Growing Up Is Getting Old Country: Bulgaria Thoughts: This one's....difficult. Not the MOST difficult song to rank (that's Cyprus), but man, it took me a while to figure out what I felt about it. In the end, I've decided that I...kinda like it. I'm putting it right at the bottom of the "like" category. Now, I know that a lot of people love this song, so just let me explain: I don't normally enjoy this kind of vocal. I didn't care for "Sebi" two years ago cuz it bored me, for example. This song at least builds a little bit, but it's not that exciting. Musically, this song doesn't do much for me, and that's why I'm ranking it so low. BUT....I love the lyrics. This is such a relatable song. Growing up does indeed get very, very, VERY old, and I worry about it all the flipping time. I do wish I could run from those worries. I like the reference to anxiety. I like lines like "Playing Tetris with my feelings, tryin' to keep them all inside". I like the switch to “Getting up is growing old”. It's really clever. Not to mention, her lethargic vocals actually FIT this subject. She's tired. So, I do appreciate this song for, well....speaking to me, even if I don't love it like so many others do. Prediction: Will definitely qualify without much issue. I can also see it doing pretty well in the final, like....Bulgaria have been in the top five twice in recent years, so this could possibly put them back up there? I personally don't think this song should be that high, but hey, this isn't about my feelings, this is my prediction. Uhhhh.....top ten.

Song: Tick-Tock Country: Croatia Thoughts: The first of my top seven favorites! Ohhhhh MAN did this song blindside me! When I first heard it, I remember the chorus letting me down! It was mostly due to not being what I expected from the pre-chorus, I guess I expected the music to burst with emotion or at least be louder.....but after only two or three listens, it grew on me completely, and I found myself trying to learn the lyrics and sing along. This is NOT another "Icebreaker", that’s for sure. I love the whole thing as it is and I wouldn't change a thing about it. This song is so! Darn! CATCHY! That chorus is incredibly infectious! Man, that beat is so flipping good! And when it switches to Croatian for a chorus, mmmmm good stuff! As someone who actually really enjoyed "Crazy", I still say this is Croatia's most solid entry since.....geez, 2010? Hope this one is more, um, successful than that one ended up being... Prediction: Oh no, oh no, oh noooooooo~....I really hope this doesn't end up underrated like Croatia's entries tend to be, but something tells me that I shouldn't be....TOO worried? ....OK, I'm still worried. XD The first semifinal is LOADED with awesome songs, so unless the staging for this is really really cool, it MIGHT struggle to stand out? Keyword being "might", cuz this is still a very good song....Maybe just being a good song will be enough! Of my two favorites in that semifinal, I'm more worried about Slovenia than Croatia, honestly. At least Croatia have an upbeat song. I'll try to be optimistic, and predict that it'll qualify. A lot of people seem to like it, so why not? However, if it doesn't qualify, I won't be too shocked....There's a lot of fan-favorites it's gonna have to compete with to get through. XD If it does make it, then I can't see it doing THAT badly in the final...

Song: El Diablo Country: Cyprus Thoughts: Hoo boy, here we go....So, this is easily the hardest song for me to rank. I'm sure that after I post this, I'll already be second-guessing my placement for it. But for now, here it goes......I love the chorus to this song just so much! It's SUCH a good thing to belt to, and I wish I could. I even love the "OooooooOOOOOOOOHHH~" after it! She has a GOOD singing voice! ...Too bad she barely uses it. Yeeaaaahhh, I'm...not very crazy about the rest of the song. The speak-singing verses, I got used to after a while, but they're still just ehhh. And the pre-chorus where she's just panting in the back with no other music? The bridge, where there's that stupid "I love El Diablo" chant that sounds like a playground taunt? Annoying. It feels like she's trying WAY too hard to be Lady Gaga, complete with throwing in words to another language for no reason other than to sound ~spicy~. As a fan of Lady Gaga, I'm sorry, but you're not doing a very good job! As I've said before, it's hard to come up with a concrete answer for how I feel about this song, because it has stuff I like AND stuff I don't like! And not only that...it's a BIG divide between the two. I don't just like the chorus, I LOVE the chorus. It's a SHORT chorus, but I love it! There are times I enjoy the song despite my complaints with it....but there are other days where I don't have enough patience to deal with stupid panting and "I lOvE eL dIaBlO", so really, I'm super torn here. I know this song's very popular, and I can see the appeal, I just wish I liked it more (especially since I've really liked the last few entries from Cyprus). Prediction: This song's currently in the top ten in the betting odds, so I think it might do a lot better than I expect. I personally don't think it's a top ten song, but it'll at least qualify for the final. And maybe do pretty well. Left side of the scoreboard, maybe? Cyprus are NOT an underrated country anymore, and the song's got a lot of energy, and it's definitely memorable, I'll give it that.

Song: omaga Country: Czech Republic Thoughts: Another song that has me conflicted, but not nearly as much as Cyprus'. My opinion on this one is a lot more simple: love the music, kinda iffy about the lyrics. This feels like it's sung by the kinda person that Destiny from Malta warns the ladies to stay away from. "You say you're still mad about the things that I did, but I don't know what I did". "Why don't you come over and have it? Why don't you let me have it?" I'm not the only one who thinks he's being really pushy, am I? I do think this song's just meant to be playful, but, uh....it doesn't come off that way to me. I mean, I guess I like the rhyming of "apocalypse" with "on my lips", that's pretty clever and I've never heard it before? But...overall, the lyrics honestly kinda creep me out. It reminds me of someone who just will not take no for an answer even when it's obvious that his presence isn't wanted because he thinks that she's just "playing hard to get". And she's not playing hard to get! He outright says that he did something to piss her off! Dude, leave her alone! Even if you're playing dumb saying you "don't know" what you did, that's not a reason to keep pestering her! ....But, *sigh* I can't be too mad at the song. When you get down to it, the most important thing in a song (especially in Eurovision) is the music, not the lyrics, and...this song sounds fantastic. It's really catchy, with a nice fun party vibe. I do enjoy listening to this when I don't think about it too hard. It's probably the most fun I've had listening to a Czech entry, so I still like it for that. This isn't a song worth being mad over. (Except the title. That title is so flipping stupid. Just say "oh my god", it's not hard. But that's a nitpick, pffff) Prediction: I kinda don't want this song to qualify since there are others in the second semifinal that I'd prefer to make it instead. Despite liking it, this is still one of my more least-favorites in that semi. XD But I still say this has a fair shot of qualifying, despite being performed early. But with the competition in the party song department by Serbia, Moldova, and San Marino, and their fairly low amount of fan attention, I'm gonna say no for this one. But I won't hate it if it qualified (as long as it doesn't push out Greece or Finland, which I don't think it will).

Song: Øve Os På Hinanden Country: Denmark Thoughts: Heck YEAH to Denmark sending a song in Danish! It's great to hear uncommon languages in Eurovision from countries that normally send songs in English! And dare I say that that's not my favorite thing about this song? Because this is another of my favorites! This song's been getting a flack for being "dated", and....yeah, maybe it is, but so what? I never claimed to have perfect taste, and I LOVE this kinda thing! 80s music is back, I say! Gosh, this song is so HAPPY! Well, uh, I can't even understand it, but it feels happy. And the instrumentation is so flipping good! The horns, the strings, UGH! I can't not smile while listening to this. If you don't like this song, that's fine, it's not for everyone...but I really appreciate Denmark for trying something different this year, especially since it turned into something that's completely to my tastes. Prediction: Yeah, uh...the odds don't look good for Denmark. Performing last, after so many people have made up their minds? With a song that's already not popular at all? Yeah....if they DO manage to qualify, I'll be VERY happy, but I don't think it's gonna happen...Man, most of my favorites are in danger this year...Eh, I'm used to it. But I'll say that they COULD possibly do it, due to nothing else sounding like them!

Song: The Lucky One Country: Estonia Thoughts: Oh look, another one of my favorites! Wow, what an emotional gut-punch this song is....these lyrics are seriously SO good. "Why'd you have to go and mess it up? Why'd you have to make what was unbreakable / Shakeable, unsaveable" "For a little while, the fates were with us / Wonder why they had to turn against us? / I could make a wish, but there is no use" "Thought I had a cloud over my head / It had to be my fault that it kept raining down, until, now, I figured out / That if I had the nerve to say goodbye, I could look for clearer skies up overhead" I....think that's enough, but holy crap, this song's mix of heartbreak and optimism is just PERFECT. "You broke my heart, but maybe that's a good thing, maybe I'm the lucky one because you're awful and I don't have to put up with it anymore." It's emotional, it's bittersweet, it's powerful...and it SOUNDS powerful too! Those quiet verses bursting into that chorus is great! This song is so flipping good! Why is it so underrated!? ...Oh yeah, cuz people who want emotion are to distracted by Switzerland's entry, I guess...or maybe it's just me, but eh. While I don't love it quite as much as my top three, this is a very solid fourth placer for me. Prediction: This song isn't qualifying, and I've accepted it. It's gotten very little attention (the music video is one of the ones under 1 million views), it was dead last in the betting odds last time I checked, and to top it off, it's being performed second in its semifinal, which won't do it any favors. I really do wish it could surprise me, but I don't think it will. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Song: Dark Side Country: Finland Thoughts: OH HECK YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! Finland once again appealing to my tastes! OH MY GOD do I love this song! People have been heaping praise on this song left and right, so I can't say anything that hasn't already been said....but I'll praise it anyway! This song is so flipping intense! It manages to be dark while pumping me up for action, and being the best song at doing that this year. There's not much to say about the lyrics because I BARELY pay attention to them while listening (which is pretty much the only reason this isn't my number one), my brain just turns off all analytical thinking in favor of "HOO HOO HOO HOO EVERY PSYCHO IN THE SCENE HANDS UP AND FOLLOW ME" without caring about the actual words. I just love the music and vibe so much that it pulls me in so well! It goes so hard! That great hook that starts the song off also gives the song something catchy about it, too! Also points for including the line "We don't wanna grow up", that's great too. This is a song that you put on just to pump yourself up and feel awesome. The lyrics are pretty messed up, which makes me not wanna sing them out loud, but that barely counts as a point against it. It fits with the song's tone, and just....man, I remember how blindsided I was when I first heard it. That was my first clue that this would be something special. I'm also really happy that this song is getting attention because boy is that not true for a lot of my other favorites. XD Prediction: Despite Finland being one of the most underrated countries in the contest's history, with consistently poor results despite sending good song after good song...This one got popular, and most of the attention has been positive, to the point of it being just outside the top ten in the betting odds last I checked! So, I'm gonna be cautiously optimistic here and predict that they'll qualify without much issue. They're one out of only two of my favorites (the other being Greece) that I feel like I don't have to worry about. The song does a good job of standing out, which should help it a lot. As for how it'd do in the final...well, I want it to be in the top 10, but after whatever the frick happened with "Monsters" I'm convinced that Finland HAVE to end up underrated in some way...The only thing I can really say is that it'll probably give them their best result in years (since coming 11th that one time in 2014)? But that's all I can really say.

Song: Voilà Country: France Thoughts: If I can sum up my feelings about this one in one sentence it'd be....this is the new "City Lights" for me. Y'know, the Belgian entry in 2017? Got wildly popular, but I never fully understand why? Just found it kinda boring, and was indifferent to it? Yeah, copy and paste that here. In a year occupied by some really fun, happy pop songs, some really powerful ballads, and even a couple hardcore rock songs...a song like this is one of the favorites to win. And I'm sorry, but I don't...get it? Am I stupid? (Well, you'll probably think I'm stupid once we get to my number one but-) Why are people going nuts over this? This is one of the more boring songs of the year if you ask me! But that's being too harsh, cuz I CAN see that there's talent here. The vocals are nice, and I do give it points for growing on me at least a little. At the start, this was my least-favorite, but it's not anymore. I at least appreciate it for building at lot. I almost feel myself come close to liking it toward the end, when it's at its fastest. But that still isn't enough for me to see it as the potential winner that so many people see it as. If you like it, that's great! But even though I see the talent here, I can't jump on the bandwagon. I don't dislike it in the slightest, though. I will say that I'll take another "City Lights" over another "Amar Pelos Dois" any day of the week. At least if this song wins, I can say that it won't taint my view of the whole year. I'll just be like "cool, good for them". Prediction: I'd much rather Malta or Switzerland win over this, but I still can't rule out the possibility, which just how many people love this song and are rallying behind it. I can see the juries drooling over it too. If this does win, I'll see it coming, that's for sure. The possibility over a big five country that's not Italy doing so well feels weird, I'll admit...They're usually so underrated cuz they don't have to go through a semifinal. XD But back to my prediction, ummm....it's gonna do really well, I can't deny that. But since I consider myself Team Malta (or Italy) here, I'm gonna go with my gut and say that it won't win. Top five, though.

Song: You Country: Georgia Thoughts: Meh.....this one's probably my least-favorite, but not by a LOT. In fact, I far from outright dislike it. There are times when I find it kinda relaxing to listen to. Between this and my least-favorite in 2019, I think this one's less boring, which is a good point in this year's favor! It's more like...something's gotta be in last place, and this song's still pretty boring by comparison to everything else. But it's still a simple love song that has some nice lyrics, it's not annoying, and there's nothing wrong with it...well, there's nothing wrong with the SONG, that is... Prediction: Not qualifying. Yeah, this is an easy one. XD Now, um, I haven't SEEN this, but multiple people have claimed that the singer has said some really sketch stuff, which resulted in this already forgettable song....pretty much being a guaranteed flop. Granted, the video doesn't have quite as many dislikes as others (like.....P-Poland's....I'll get to that later), but it's still got a lot. If Georgia do qualify, I can easily see people getting upset. But I don't think it's gonna happen.

Song: I Don't Feel Hate Country: Germany Thoughts: OK, so....this song. This flipping song. By all counts, I should find it annoying. I really should. It's a song that reeks of passive-aggressive, better-than-you energy and I normally hate that! No, stop acting like you're sorry for me, you condescending prick! ...But dang it, I can't be mad at this song. I just can't. It just wouldn't be Eurovision without the resident goofy joke song, and this one fits the bill. Taking this thing seriously would make me look stupid. Not only that, but...I dunno if this is just me being very easily amused, but I just find this song funny? Like, actually funny? It's made me laugh multiple times! The lines that did so being the backing vocals going "SAY WHAT? He did not just say that!" followed by "Yes I did, and I feel sorry! I don't feel hate, that's the whole point of the song!" And even the stupid thing toward the end where it goes "So you can wigglewigglewigglewiggleWIGGLEWIGGLEWIGGLE-" It just puts a big dumb smile on my face, I can't help it! And the attitude of the singer goes down a lot easier when I think of him singing this to actual hateful people who lash out with bigoted comments, so that's helped it for me. If you don't like this song, I completely understand why. It's not for everyone! But it gets a thumbs-up from me (and not a middle finger) Prediction: I...don't know how this song's gonna go over with people? Will it annoy, or will it amuse? Will it be the next "Hatrið mun sigra" or the next "Moustache"? According to the betting odds, and the fact that it's Germany, I'm leaning more towards the latter. I don't see this doing particularly well. I can see the televoters liking it more than the juries at least, but it's still gonna be towards the bottom. I do think they'll do better than last or close to last, though. This song does have a lot of personality, that's for sure!

Song: Last Dance Country: Greece Thoughts: This song is breathtaking.....as in, whenever it comes on, it makes me stim so hard that I'm literally out of breath when it ends! And that's a really....really really good thing! Dear GOD this song is so awesome! Easily a top three choice for me. I already talked about why I love it before, and everything I said then is still true. I'm ever-so-slightly biased because I love songs that make me think of scenarios, and visualize them...especially when it's of, uh....w-well, uh....ideas of the comfort ship variety....And this song makes me think of dancing with my F/O (fictional other), feeling on top of the world, but also terrified of the moment ending, as she has to leave soon, so I hold on to her, not wanting to let go, wanting to savor this feeling until the dream is over....Uh, s-sorry for getting all poetic and stuff, but....I LOVE this song even beyond that bias! Listening to it is more of a rush than the song literally named "Adrenalina". The chorus BLASTS you with so much raw energy, it really DOES make you feel like you're dancing for your life until your lungs give out! You can feel the happiness, and the desperation, just so much...Truly, "Last Dance" is the PERFECT title. The verses aren't quite as strong as the chorus, which is the ONLY reason this song isn't my number one, but that dang chorus is enough for me to fall head-over-heels in love with it anyway. EASILY the best Greek entry for many many years. They've really, truly outdone themselves. Prediction: This has gotta qualify! Even if it doesn't get the awesome staging it deserves, it's still gotta qualify! This is one of the most popular songs in the second semifinal! Well, according to the betting odds anyway.....but c'mon! My energy SHOULD go into worrying about Poland and Estonia, so let me be right about this....let Greece be a shoo-in like I'm sure they are! I dare say that this could even finish on the left side of the board in the final! Unless some other songs REALLY surprise people live, but....for now, that's my prediction and I'm sticking to it!

Song: 10 Years Country: Iceland Thoughts: I wonder how Iceland feel about being the "projected winners of 2020". XD It's kinda like being an "honorary" winner, and....yeah, this country that's never won before, but has come second twice? They could've done it finally! But it didn't happen. It's like....is it a good thing to know that, or not to? Maybe a bittersweet mix of both....but the good thing that came out of it is that their artist got to come back this year with this song. My first word to describe this song is cute. It's a very adorable idea, being thankful for your spouse of ten years, and writing a song about it....Couple goals, honestly. XD That's enough for me to like it, cuz that's just so wholesome! But this is also a fun disco song, and it definitely stands out among everything else this year. So, thumbs up to Iceland yet again! Only other thing of note for me is that when I first heard it, the line "How does he keep getting better" led me to think this song was about a gay couple, and....it's not. He wrote it for his wife. I just find it kinda funny that I misinterpreted it that way, heh....(and it's not the only song that I misinterpreted, wait till we get to Portugal) Prediction: People love this artist and people love this song. It's gonna qualify. Not a winner (unfortunately for them), but it'll still do very well.

Song: Maps Country: Ireland Thoughts: Yet another grower. This is a really fast-paced song that I imagine would make good running music, and the lyrics are pretty good! I really like the line "My soul is a map, my heart is a compass, I am the road" for some reason...dunno why, but it sticks with me. Also, can't go wrong with strong drums! I just like the mood of this song overall, too. Happy, uplifting....freeing! Gives of the feeling of an explorer setting off to parts unknown, which is something that no other song this year does. Makes it unique! Whenever this comes on, I enjoy it a lot, but I sadly can't rank it any higher. It's still definitely one of Ireland's more solid, fun entries in recent years, up there with "22". I still like "22" a bit more since it was catchier, but this song is no slouch and I wish it got more attention. Prediction: *in the tone of Deerie from Helluva Boss* Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh, no...Sorry, Ireland, but I think you're doomed. I really like this song and I want it to do well! Ireland have had such bad luck in the past, too! But they've got no chance in the first semifinal. A miracle would have to happen for this to qualify. It's really unfortunate...

Song: Set Me Free Country: Israel Thoughts: Pretty catchy! I like the rhyming flow of the verses a lot, even if I still can't fully understand the lyrics (which....I dunno whether to blame on her voice or me not liking the song quite enough to wanna sing along to lyrics that go by so quickly). What I could make out is well-written, though - if Estonia's entry is about the heartbreaking parts of breaking up, this song is about the liberating parts. I'm free, now I can dance! "Set me FREEEEE~!" That part is so good. Sadly, this song isn't an absolute favorite of mine...partly cuz the "Imma, imma, aaaaahhh" parts are a bit repetitive and slightly wear on me, but mostly cuz of competition. It's one out of many upbeat, catchy songs this year, and not the best of them. Prediction: Ehhhh, this can go either way. I wanna say it'll qualify, though. Israel have been on a roll in recent years, and this song is good enough to continue that. I wouldn't call it a front-runner by any means, but it'll at least make it to the final and not bomb.

Song: Zitti E Buoni Country: Italy Thoughts: With very few exceptions, rock songs tend to...not do very well in Eurovision. Even when the songs are very good, fans of the contest just don't gravitate towards rock as much as the poppier stuff, and that's fine! Everyone has different tastes in genres, and rock fans and Eurovision fans might not overlap very much. But dang it if I still don't appreciate them showing up and loving it when they do! And especially loving it when they're as good as THIS! This song is SO good! I might prefer the Finnish entry in terms of intensity, but they're not really that comparable. This still goes REALLY hard, manages to be catchy at the same time, and I love every single turn it takes. That part where he sings really really fast, and especially that awesome bridge, ugh, it's all so good! It's not a favorite of mine PURELY due to loving other songs more, but this is one I like more every single time I hear it, and I've been bumping it higher and higher up through my borderline favorites until finally giving it a solid spot. This song's been getting a lot of attention and that makes me very happy, cuz it deserves it! Italy have topped themselves yet again. Prediction: Despite being a big fan-favorite, I don't think this is a winner....mainly due to, well, being a rock song in Eurovision (I HAVE heard the very rare complaint about it, like, saying the chorus is too loud, and....it's a rock song? That's the point???), but also....it's kinda the Italian curse at this point? XD Every single time Italy have a fan-favorite song, they just barely don't win (I still haven't forgotten how much of a shoo-in they seemed to be in 2017 before....well...people lost their minds). They do however, manage top five finishes, and I think it'll be the same thing here. I would love if it won, since I like it more than the three betters' favorites, but I'm not holding my breath. XD

Song: The Moon Is Rising Country: Latvia Thoughts: MAN this song's awesome! OK, so, you might've noticed that there are a few songs this year that have the same message: "I'm a woman and awesome". There's nothing wrong with that kinda thing at all, especially when said songs are all different in their own way! This one right here stands out RIGHT off the bat with a super powerful voice that cuts through everything and commands your complete attention, and DANG does it work! The lady's voice is outstanding, and the beat's not bad either! It's kinda repetitive with the "Padada-papa-rade" parts, but that's barely a problem when the rest of the song kicks so much butt. You got something to say? Say it to her face, coward! When it comes to the "I'm a woman and awesome" songs, I like Azerbaijan's slightly more. It's more fun. But this is a very solid song that I really enjoy, and I'm happy Latvia sent another song I like this much, with one of the best voices of the year. Prediction: Sadly, for as much praise as they've been getting on YouTube, Latvia aren't getting much love from the betters, so I have no idea how they'll do. It's very split. I wanna say that they have a chance, cuz they've got a VERY strong singer and I can also see some interesting staging to go along with it, but that's just speculation. XD Also, it's Latvia. When do they ever catch a break? So....this really could go either way, and of course I'd like them to qualify, but I'm gonna say they barely won't. Not every good song can be in the final, that's the sad truth of having so many slots.

Song: Discoteque Country: Lithuania Thoughts: Dance song for introverts, let's go! This is a fun, silly song with a good beat, and lyrics that encourage having fun by yourself ("Not like that, pervert!" - Sir Pentious, Hazbin Hotel), and....that's about it! There's not that much to talk about here, cuz with this song, what you hear is what you get. And that's fine, not every song needs to be picked apart and analyzed to explain why it's enjoyable. However, despite how much I love synth music, this song doesn't really hook me as much as other songs do. I understand the appeal, I understand why it's a fan-favorite, but to me, it lacks OOMPH. Musically, it just, kinda....stagnates? With the exception of that weird scatting part. And I think my biggest issue is that the lyrics, well, uh....immediately date it to this year, let's just say. I try to get around this by calling it a dance song for introverts, and that's how I usually think of it at this point, but yeah, it's kinda still an elephant in the room. But I still do like this song, I just don't love it. I'm happy that Lithuania are getting the attention they were denied last year, though. Prediction: Despite opening the show, I think this will be an easy qualifier, one of the songs to beat. I can see this being another top ten finish for Lithuania (maybe it'll finally break "We Are The Winner"'s record from 2006? We'll just wait and see).

Song: Je Me Casse Country: Malta Thoughts: Ohhhhhh MAN do I wish I could rank this one higher. If I wanted, I could bump it up to borderline favorite, but...I already have five of those! XD But dang it, Malta, a country that's never won Eurovision, finally pulls out a fan-favorite song (again, that is *cough*theyshould'vewonin2002*cough*), and I AGREE with that! Like the Italian entry, this is a song that gets better every time I listen to it. It's SO much fun! Not to mention the singer, Destiny - MAN, what a voice! One of the best voices of the year, I'd say (though I'm not surprised, since I loved her 2020 song too). Apparently she's a former Junior Eurovision winner? I'd believe that! I can praise her and this song for so long, and it's not even one of my favorites: I love the lyrics a lot! I'm all for positive messages, and this song manages to have fun while also doing that, AND taking jabs at sexists along the way with great lines like "I'm too good to be true, but there's nothing in it for you!" and the cute "Excuse my French~!" I love the fun swing instrumentals! I love the choir during the bridge! This is just a REALLY good song that deserves all the praise, and I'm so so happy for Malta. I'd best describe this song as "'Toy', but less jokey" (well.....lyrically. Musically, they're not that much alike, but....yeah, you get it) and I like it for for that! Prediction: Could this be Malta's year? A lot of people seem to think so! And....honestly, I'm all for it! I think this could be a very worthy winner. Not to mention, that of the current top three with the betters (this, Switzerland, and France), this is easily my favorite, so....I guess that counts as me rooting for it, unless some other song pulls a Conchita and shoots up the board after being heard live. For now, I'd say this is my pick to win (although my heart is still with Italy TTvTT) At the very least, it's a shoo-in for the final, cuz this is a singer who's been in this kinda environment and will probably sound great. I'd say at least top five!

Song: SUGAR Country: Moldova Thoughts: Moldova's back at it again with their silly antics! I absolutely love "Stay", but it's pretty clear that their entries get more buzz when they're being fun and weird. This song is neither the most fun or the weirdest of this year, but I still appreciate it all the same. Apparently this is the lady who sang in "Loca"? I remember that song....I don't think many other people do. Eh, I still like it, with its catchy rhythm, and its....weird rhymes....but this song is a vast improvement! I like the fun, flirty vibe to it. Sadly, however, with how many upbeat songs there are this year, this is one that kinda fades into the background compared to its competition....well, at least to me. It's good, but not great. I remember calling it a weaker version of the Azerbaijani entry in my first impression post, and that was way too harsh, but I still wouldn't rank it high. Prediction: However, I DO think this could qualify fairly easily. In the second semifinal with most of the mid- to low-tier songs with the betters (and really only Iceland, Finland, Bulgaria, and Switzerland being the ones to beat), this is one of the ones I think has a better chance of standing out. However, I've done this with Moldova's entries WAY too often....Loving them, predicting they'll qualify, only for them not to...I don't love this one, but it could be the same story here. For now, I'm gonna predict they'll qualify, though. I have no idea how they'll do once in the final, however...

Song: Birth Of A New Age Country: The Netherlands Thoughts: What a unique song! A language we've never heard before in Eurovision, incorporating the singer's nationality and culture into a song that sounds like nothing else this year. I'm honestly a bit surprised that this song isn't getting more attention! It's not one of my favorites, but I like it quite a bit. And not just for uniqueness points (that isn't enough to make me LIKE a song, just enough for me to RESPECT it), I honestly like how it sounds. The vocals are great, the beat is catchy, and the lyrics are very well-written. What was that about host countries never trying? XD Prediction: I want this song to do well, but I don't think it will....Well, I don't think it'll flop, but it won't be near the top either. Maybe in the 10-20 range. I do think the juries will like it.

Song: Here I Stand Country: North Macedonia Thoughts: So.....I feel like I SHOULD find this song boring, since a lot of people do, but...I like it. I don't LOVE it, but I like it! The lyrics are nice and....kinda hit home for me? At least a bit. The message of "keep pushing on, no matter what happens, don't let them break you" when coming out of a bad experience....It's nice. Kinda hard to fully explain without getting personal, so I won't. Not to mention that it has a good buildup, which is what I love in my ballads. In fact, maybe it's just me, but you know what song this reminds me of? "Home". At least musically. And I liked that song too, I thought it was underrated. Also, this has nothing to do with the actual song, but the video, but....even though I HATE being reminded of last year's cancellation, I like seeing the singer's thought process when writing this song. Even if people will probably think it's a pity party, I appreciate this song a fair bit. I know I'll probably look stupid for saying I think this song is more interesting than "Proud", but eh, that's FAR from my most unpopular opinion this year, just wait.... Prediction: Considering it's this year's "Home", and "Home" was so underrated that I believe it probably wouldn't have been in the final if it wasn't from the host country....Part of me wants to say that this song's doomed. Macedonia are normally one of the unluckiest countries in this contest's history no matter how good their songs are, and having one year where the juries loved them probably won't buck that trend. A lot of people are gonna overlook this song for being a fairly standard ballad, and yeah, it kinda is. So I don't think it's gonna qualify.

Song: Fallen Angel Country: Norway Thoughts: I loved this song from the first time I heard it. It was the first song of the bunch that I memorized the lyrics to. I like singing along to it. But I was certain, like DEAD certain, that it wouldn't go above a guilty pleasure to me. At first glance, this sounds like a really cheesy boy band song from the 90s, which is why I thought people were gonna eat it alive, and I was gonna have to attempt to explain myself for liking it (like I'm gonna do for the Polish entry). I grew up with this kind of music! I like it! And it's catchy! And the lyrics are just SO good! Feeling like you're not good enough for the person you love, and thinking that there's no way they can be happy with you, are feelings I really really relate to...so it's no wonder I jumped on those lyrics and etched them into my brain as quickly as I could. Helping that is that my current crush IS female, so I can easily sing this song while thinking of her...but even with that, I was still very hesitant to rank this song super high. After all, the reasons I had for liking it were purely just bias, right? That doesn't mean it's a good song, and people are still gonna make fun of it! I can see why they'd make fun of it! ....That's what I thought, but then I saw that it was ranked highly in the betting odds. And I no longer felt like I had to regret liking it anymore. And THEN, the music video finally was released, and HOO BOY, was this song so much deeper than I (or nearly ANYONE) thought...This isn't just a love song. It's about TIX's feelings of self-loathing. About being mistreated for a disability. It was his story. I was SO shocked at how wrong I was, and now I....kinda feel bad for projecting myself into it? I still can't help it, but....no, it's not about that anymore. I love this song fully and unironically, and I will never call it cheesy again. If you don't like the sound of it, or take it at face value, that's perfectly fine. But I love it. While this doesn't QUITE break into my top seven favorites, it's a very solid eighth. Prediction: Please qualify please qualify PLEASE!! Since it's in the Bloodbath Semi and fan-favorite songs WILL be cut, I'm really really hoping for this not to be one of those. This deserves to be in the final! I'd even say that this deserves it more than Slovenia and Croatia (songs I actually like more)! B-but...ugh...I can't say for certain that it'll be safe, that's the thing...but, haaaaah, OK, I'll predict it'll qualify. I think I'm overreacting. Norway have a pretty good record. I can see the people who like this song being enough to make it do pretty well, though it's definitely not a winner.

Song: The Ride Country: Poland Thoughts: You ever have a song that you can't focus on anything during? Like, you're focusing on something else with music playing in the background, but then that one song comes on and you just HAVE to take a break so you can listen to it because it's just SO good that it steals all your attention? That's me with this song. "The Ride" is right, it IS a ride, a ride I NEVER wanna get off of. And considering the only other Eurovision songs to effect me in that way have been flipping "Time" and "You Are The Only One" ("Stones" came close to doing that too, but I could at least still play during it cuz it was such good action music), then it should come as no surprise that yes, this is my favorite song of the year. And yes, I KNOW how stupid I probably look saying that. This song has NOT been a popular choice, but to heck with it! I can't help what music I like! This song is just so flipping catchy and fun, it's got a nice beat, and I've loved it from first listen! I'm not sorry! Heck, it's even kinda atmospheric in a way, in that it's a good nightlife song, giving off the feel of an amusement park at night with all the rollercoasters lit up with LEDs as you feel the wind in your face, no cares, no worries....just turn your brain off and sing along. I even like the lyrics, particularly "It doesn't matter if I stumble and fall / I'll make it through, I'll never touch the ground". It's enjoying life, it's the feeling of flying, it's feeling on top of the world, it's escapism. Have I defended this silly song enough? Point is: I. Love. It. This is the first time a Polish entry has EVER topped my list, which by default makes it my favorite entry from them ever, and I'm happy to give them love (they've been my second-favorite twice, but one of those barely counts cuz it was in a weak year and also a song that sounded bad live, so....yeah, my former favorite Polish entry was their 1998 entry, which....didn't do well, but uh, that's then not now ^^;) Prediction: This is what I've been dreading....for a song that makes me wanna leave all my stress behind, it sure does stress me out thinking of how much HATE it's getting, oh boy oh boy! Though, from what I've picked up, MOST of the hate has come from fellow Polish people who are upset that it wasn't who they wanted as their entry? So...that's not accurate to how everyone else thinks? Well, that's what I've seen, at least....This song's still not doing very well in the betting odds, and also, being an electronic song, the possibility if it sounding worse live than in the studio is....definitely a possibility.....S-so....yeah....Sadly, as much as I love it, I can't trick myself into thinking it has a chance....It's probably not gonna qualify....If it does surprise me (which HAS happened before with favorites I thought were doomed!) I'll probably flip out!! Unlike Estonia's entry however, I don't think it's AS doomed, might stand out more, and a small part of me wants to hope...The fact that the semifinal it's in, the second, is the one with the less fan-favorites, does increase its odds ever so slightly...b-but uh, I don't wanna get too hopeful! I don't want my heart broken again like with "Look Away" two years ago (which I LEGIT thought had a chance XD)

Song: Love Is On My Side Country: Portugal Thoughts: Kay, so first, before talking about my thoughts, lemme share the hilarious misunderstanding I had about this song for the first few times I heard it: I normally don't watch the videos, I only listen to the playlist in the background as I play video games or do other stuff. Even the first time I heard the songs, I didn't watch the videos, I just had the music playing in one tab and was focusing on typing on Tumblr. And....I thought this song was sung by a woman. True story. I thought it was a woman with a very unique voice, and I was gonna praise the song for that. But nope! Took me WAY too long - about over a WEEK, the time I decided to start reading comments - for me to learn the singer's a man. OOPS. XD But at least it kinda makes sense for me to think that way? With lyrics like "I never thought I'd be queen", he's clearly telling the story of a woman. In fact, I learned that it's the true story of a woman he met (I forget the details though). So yeah, I thought that was kinda funny, but how do I actually feel about the song? Well, it's a grower! I was worried that it'd stagnate for me and I'd end up indifferent, but the unique voice combined with a subject that I normally like (staying optimistic in bad situations) won me over. I don't love it, but it's nice and has good lyrics. You really feel bad for the woman (seriously, leaving home at sixteen?) so it's effective. I wanna believe love is on my side too... Prediction: This one's tough, cuz a lot of people do love this song, and it does a good job of standing out by being the slowest song in its semifinal, I don't really think a lot of people will gravitate toward it? And that it just barely won't qualify? But it could really go either way. I'm gonna predict it won't qualify and that it'll be the "robbed" one people will be upset about in the second semi. But maybe I'm just saying that cuz that semi will already be painful for my favorites, too...and I'd prefer Poland, Denmark, or Estonia's slim SLIM chances to come through over this.

Song: Amnesia Country: Romania Thoughts: This song is just a whole mood. I could just end my thoughts with that one sentence, cuz that really just about sums it up. XD Self-love is something I've always struggled with, and I've been trying really really hard to get better at it this year. Without getting too personal, there was something that happened a few months back that made me realize just how badly my hatred for myself was effecting people around me, and that I needed to lighten the crap up before it comes off the wrong way and....I-I bring others down with me....But after all that, it was HARD. It really did feel like I.....lost myself trying to have it all. But I'm slowly learning to better myself, and this song spoke to me because of that. "If you feel what I feel, don't bring yourself down, you're not alone, not alone now". It's simple, but it works. Admittedly, I respect this song more than I like it, but I do like it. There are just a lot of songs I'd prefer to listen to. And the POV switching from first to second-person confuses me a bit (she says that YOU'RE not alone, and then that SHE lost herself, and then goes back to YOU'RE not alone? Who's the one with the amnesia?) but that's just a nitpick, and I've heard much worse English in Eurovision than that. This is still a good song with a very good message that I needed to hear. Prediction: Even in the bloodbath that will be the first semifinal, I do think this song's mostly safe? Mostly...Romania haven't had the best of luck the past 2-3 years, but their record is still mostly hits, and this song's still the favorite of people. But some favorites are gonna get snubbed, and honestly, I wouldn't mind if it's this one. There are songs I like more. But for my actual prediction, um....I think it'll qualify.

Song: Russian Woman Country: .....Russia Thoughts: This one's a grower. I can't deny its catchiness. Sometimes it's gets in my head completely randomly, particularly that slow part with the...is that a choir? Um, background singers. That part (I don't wanna butcher Russian lyrics, sorry! >.<) But, even with that, I don't fully love this song. I know it's gotten a lot of attention, but to me, it just....doesn't hit very much? I thought about it, and I came up with this: this is a song by a Russian woman, for Russian women, and ONLY Russian women. It's about how strong they are, and how they should rise up against their country's sexism and- it's all very specific to Russia? So, I can't really enjoy it as much as the people its aimed at, and that's fine, because, well, it's NOT aimed at me and I shouldn't pretend it is! I'm not even in the target audience for this whole dang contest! XD So, my opinion DOES NOT reflect what I think of the quality of the song. The song's good. It's very catchy. There's nothing wrong with it. I just can't relate to it, which make it my personal least-favorite of the "I'm a woman and awesome" songs of this year. (What happened to Little Big tho?...) Prediction: Yeah, they're gonna easily qualify, even in such a stacked semifinal they're safe. They've been shooting up the betting odds recently, so I feel like they could do very well, maybe even finish in the top ten. Russia's like Sweden in that if their entry is popular, its guaranteed a spot toward the top. XD

Song: Adrenalina Country: San Marino Thoughts: Holy CRAP is this one heck of a grower! When I first heard it, I was more confused by the sudden appearance of Flo Rida of all people to really think about if I like the song. And for a while, I didn't even think I liked the rap all that much? I do like plenty of mid-song raps, but this one I felt didn't really fit the song all that well. Like it was just pasted in there from another song entirely. But, a few listens later, and I started rapidly liking this song more and more. Fitting for its name, there's just nothing but energy here. It's a great song to put on to just....pump me up! The whole thing's just dripping with a sense of pure fun. The instrumentals are great, it just sounds so good! In terms of growers, this is a close second to the Belgian song. Also, while I'm not a huge fan of Flo Rida normally, comparing past Sanmarinese entries I will say that his rap is a LOT better than the rapping in "Who We Are" was, that's for sure! Prediction: This song doing so well in the betting odds is.....honestly amazing. XD This is the most hype San Marino's EVER gotten, which I think could qualify them for the final? But also, maybe not...with San Marino, you never know. They are helped by Flo Rida's name recognition but there's NO way he's as big in Europe as he is in America (and even in America, I haven't met that many people who are actually fans of Flo Rida), so...is it enough? I think it very well could be! It's a very good song, and Senhit's been in Eurovision before so hopefully she knows what she's doing on stage. Also, this is a song that better have cool staging with it! But for my prediction....screw it, I'm gonna predict they're gonna qualify. I even say this as I have favorites in the second semifinal that they're definitely gonna push out, but ah well...

Song: LOCO LOCO Country: Serbia Thoughts: Yet another super fun, upbeat song! And while I don't love this song as much as others (Poland's, Denmark's, and Azerbaijan's entries, even San Marino's at this point), this is still one of my more favorite of that type, and I....honestly couldn't tell you why! It has a lot of energy, but it sounds different enough to stand out. And it's catchy while not being in English! I kinda wish I could learn Serbian so I could sing along to this...XD It also grabs my attention from the very start. I dunno why, but I love that "Hur- Hur- Hur- Hurricane!" followed by the beat starting, I find it to be a cool and infectious way to pump me up for the song. Overall, one of the songs that I don't think about a lot, but when it comes on, I enjoy every second...Oh and also it has one of the most exciting key changes of this year so there's that too. Good job to Serbia! Prediction: I think this one's a fair bet to qualify! However, it's not guaranteed. They're not attracting THAT much attention in the betting odds (which surprises me a bit), but the second semifinal seems to be where MOST of the lower-ranked songs are (sadly, says the person with three favorites in it), and among those, I think Serbia will most likely make it. The song stands out a lot. So I'm gonna predict they'll qualify! But if they don't, ah well, it could be to make way for a song I like more (hopefully...I wouldn't wanna say goodbye to this song to make way for the Czech or Austrian songs), so I wouldn't mind THAT much I hope. As for the final, they're definitely not a front-runner, so I could see them ultimately stuck around the middle. Unfortunate since I like this song a lot.

Song: Amen Country: Slovenia Thoughts: Where to start with this one....This is one of my favorites, and it's in the same way as "Stay" in 2019 and "Mall" in 2018 where I have a hard time really articulating why. It's a song that makes me FEEL, and it's hard to convey that in words, so yeah! This song just....hits me so hard in the gut whenever I hear it, so I love it! It's effective at its job! Even the big thing that I thought would hold it back for me - being a religious song - didn't hurt it at all in the end. The lyrics are ambiguous enough that it doesn't JUST come off as preachy and religious and that's all. It can also be taken as a song of rising above tragedy...The most religious thing it does is mention the heavens casting you out, and that can be taken in multiple ways. But if it is meant to be religious, that's fine, I've already made the decision to love it. I'm agnostic, so I don't outright hate religious music if it's not trying to shove messages in my face. The moment I fell in love with this song was one day when I was feeling really down, was listening to the playlist to unwind, and then this song came on right after Romania's entry (which I already talked about relating to a lot). When I heard the chorus, I literally teared up. THIS is the song that made me cry this year. Not Austria's or Spain's (the songs literally about dead family members), but this one. Is that...something to be ashamed about? XD I just....really love the lyrics...."The storm's relentless, but everybody knows, everybody knows we're born to the fight"...It really just sounds so uplifting, and yes, spiritual. And even beyond that, I just like how the song sounds! I love ballads that build, and this one BUILDS, with such a soaring chorus. The vocals are outstanding, too! That's one powerful voice! I also really love how, after you think it's over, it comes back for one final chorus, that's probably one of the best parts of the song. This song makes GREAT use of the recorded backing vocals, making the choir sound absolutely massive, a lot more than it'd be live. It really makes it sound so big and grand....Uh, I've rambled about this song enough, haven't I? Uhhh, point is: This is my favorite ballad of the year and I'm not sorry. I think it's underrated as heck. Prediction: And because it's underrated as heck, and in such a packed bloodbath of a semifinal crammed full of fan-favorites battling to the death, I....don't think....it'll qualify.....I'd obviously LOVE it too, but the competition's so flipping strong, and....I-it's still just a ballad, so it's not to everyone's tastes...I-I've come to terms with that fact, and if Croatia make it, I'll try not to be too bummed when this doesn't.

Song: Voy A Quedarme Country: Spain Thoughts: At first, I was pretty indifferent to this song, but it slowly grew on me, and now I like it. It builds just enough to keep me interested. It's still low tier compared to everything else, but I can appreciate it all the same. It sounds so emotional that I went into comments to see if there was some kind of story attached to it, and, uh....let's just say that there is, and....it's depressing. But it did make me respect the song even more. There's not a lot to say here, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's just....overshadowed, I guess. Not a standout song, but it's genuine, and I like it just fine for what it is. Prediction: Oof...Spain once again find themselves overlooked, and even though the song's fine, I can see why. I can't see this doing very well...If flipping "La Venda" ended up an underrated flop, a song like this isn't gonna get Spain outta their rut. I really do wanna see them do well! But this isn't the year for that.

Song: Voices Country: Sweden Thoughts: Dang it....they did it again. XD Part of me wanted to be bummed that we didn't get The Mamas again, cuz they would've been my favorite last year, but....Sweden know what they're doing, and what they brought us was still really, really good. Like.....REALLY good. Are the lyrics on the generic side? Ummmm.....maybe? I have said that this is a relatively "safe" entry, but that doesn't mean it's not really good. More like...there's been a lot of songs with similar lyrics in Eurovision. But that doesn't take away from the music at all, which is awesome. The chorus is nice and big, the vocals are good, and the little bagpipe bits are such a neat touch. There isn't any big standout elements to me, and it's nowhere near "Too Late For Love" level, but it's just a very solid song. And.....dare I say, better than that other popular song that mentioned a million voices. Prediction: Do I even need to say anything here? XD It's a popular song from Sweden. It's gonna qualify and place in the top ten! Done!

Song: Tout l'Univers Country: Switzerland Thoughts: Switzerland are riding the high from "She Got Me" and have once again sent a big fan-favorite song! Except this time, it's one of the predicted winners! What do I think of this? Well....it's a good song. I love powerful ballads, and this one adds drums, which I also love! But at the same time....I'm not nearly as crazy about it as other people are. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE it, but...I feel like we already got this kinda song with "Arcade"? I mean, there are differences, but its got a very similar sound with a similarly big chorus. But then again, I do think that just calling it "'Arcade' but in French" would be WAYYYY too harsh. It's not a copycat, it's very much its own thing. It just seems to be a coincidence. Also, even compared to this year's songs, I enjoy Slovenia's more? If I want a powerful song, I'd take that over this. MAYBE if I understood the lyrics, I'd like it better, but even so, this song doesn't WOW me, even if it's good. I'm happy for Switzerland, but....dang it, I can't say the O word here, cuz I hear the appeal and don't wanna come off as mean to a song I DO like aaaaaaa- Prediction: Even though it's not a personal favorite, I'm not gonna deny that this song could possibly win. I feel like the juries would adore it on top of all the attention its already getting. So, yeah, it's definitely making it to the final and doing very well. As for winning, I....honestly don't think so, but only cuz of how strong the competition is. So, I'll just say that right now, it's looking like this song will give Switzerland their best result in a long long time, doing better than "She Got Me" and (tragically) "Cool Vibes". It's obvious that in terms of how I'd rank the big favorites, I'd personally prefer Malta winning, but I would prefer this to France, so it's in the middle. But even putting my opinions aside, I really can't see it pulling off the win, at most coming really close.

Song: SHUM Country: Ukraine Thoughts: Like with Malta and San Marino's songs, this is a song that, while not a favorite, gets better and better the more I hear it. I should really think about it more often, cuz this song is REALLY cool! My first instinct was to compare it to "Fire Of Love" from two years ago (a song that wasn't popular even though this song is?) but after some time, I realized that that isn't a fair comparison. Literally the only similarity is the vocal style. Everything else is different. But man is this song fun! I could look up what the lyrics mean, but I don't really feel like the lyrics matter here as much as the music does. This song is clearly about the beat. I love synth music, and I also like bouncy stuff that I can rock along to, and this song is as bouncy as can be! The lyrics do repeat, but weirdly I don't find that repetitive at all. And once I got used to it, I started to love the speed up. It's a really exciting end to the song. Talk about going out on a....high note! Haha! S-sorry.... Prediction: Yeaaaahhhh, there's no doubt that this song's gonna do very well indeed! People love it, and for good reason! It's a sure qualifier for the final, and could very well finish in the top ten.

Song: Embers Country: United Kingdom Thoughts: And finishing off this list is yet another upbeat happy song! God, I love how many of these there are this year....This one is far from the best of its kind, but it's still a lot of fun. The vocals stand out, the lyrics are nice and uplifting, and it's definitely the UK's bounciest entry in quite a few years. It feels like finally getting that uptight friend of yours to loosen up and party, y'know? XD I don't have much to say about this song, but I do like it. Prediction: What happened to "Bigger Than Us" was unfair, both its placement in the lineup and its treatment by the televoters, and it's pretty much cemented my idea that even if the UK send one of the best songs of the year, they will NOT catch a break, and that just sucks! (well, the exception being 2011, where it was the JURIES that screwed them over instead! Still did good for their standards tho) And also, like I said, this isn't the only song like this this year, so it's bound to get overlooked in favor of more popular (and even better) party songs. I don't think it'll be LAST, but it won't do particularly well. Definitely more toward the bottom than the top.

Aaaaaaaand there we go! That's all of them! Geez, despite having less entries then the past few years, this still was a LOT of rambling....so if you skipped ahead, I totally understand why. XD But if you did read all that, I'm happy you did! But I'm also sorry, pfffff. But now, the important part, my rankings!

Favorites:

1. Poland 2. Finland 3. Greece 4. Estonia 5. Denmark 6. Slovenia 7. Croatia

Borderline Favorites:

8. Norway 9. Italy 10. Azerbaijan 11. Latvia 12. Sweden

Like:

13. Belgium 14. Malta 15. San Marino 16. Serbia 17. Ukraine 18. Iceland 19. Ireland 20. UK 21. Cyprus (today at least) 22. Australia 23. Netherlands 24. Moldova 25. Romania 26. Germany 27. North Macedonia 28. Portugal 29. Israel 30. Lithuania 31. Russia 32. Switzerland 33. Czech Republic 34. Albania 35. Austria 36. Bulgaria 37. Spain

Indifferent:

38. France 39. Georgia

#eurovision #opinions

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idk-maybe-i-did-it · 4 years

Text

Scars: Year five, Chapter four

Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of blood, bruising, sexual assault, ràpe, alcoholism, implied abuse

Remus tried to fall asleep yet all he could think about was what he had witnessed last Tuesday evening.

The memories of what he'd done and seen flashed through his mind as if on repeat.

Remus walked into his dorm to read a few books, clean up a bit and maybe even take a nap, what he didn't expect to walk into was Y/n sitting upon his bed. The last person he wanted to see.

So, he just ignored she was there and went on with what he had planned to do.

He didn't give a flying fuck that he was pretty much being a rude asshole by then. He simply cared that the woman he loved attempted to completely betray him and his friends and was now pissed about that.

" Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in the library snogging someone?"

His voice had a venomous tone to it that he'd never had before and it hurt Y/n like a hit to her heart with stone.

" Can we talk, just for a minute even?"

She had to hastily add that last part after seeing the look of disgust on Remus's face. The boy shorted and sneered back at her saying, " If you just wanted to talk you could've done that months ago, instead you sat back and bloody left us!"

He marched right out of the room like lightning after thunder and left a heartbroken girl wondering whether she would ever get her love back.

Remus later walked into a hallway during his Prefects round, almost passing right by a broom-closet, as he heard a woman's voice reach out. She sounded strained as if she were begging on her knees and Remus wasn't entirely sure what she had said, but it was clear that she needed help.

He switched back over to where the closet was and yanked open the door, ready to punch somebody in the face to relieve his anger, only to come face to face with Y/n being pinned against a wall, duck tape hanging off her mouth, clothes almost all off as Charlie Chadington invaded her personal parts, watching as she cried and writhed before him.

He stood there agape for a few moments, simply staring in shock between Chad and Y/n before his senses came back and he switched to defensive mode. His brain started working again and he started piecing things together.

" You've been blackmailing her haven't you? Is this why you could- why you never answered any of our- Godric Y/n..."

Chad went back to leaning over the girl.

" You never told him? She never told you Lupin?"

Remus halfheartedly shook his head.

" Guess I'll just have to explain huh?"

Y/n immediately reacted and started to writh again before she was elbowed in the stomach by Chadface Jr.

" Keep still doll face or I'll make it hurt worse than it did in the mountains."

Remus launched out and punched the asshôle square in the nose.

Chad pulled out a switchblade and held it against the struggling girls heart, threatening to move it closer into the skin than needed. " Now listen here Lupin, you keep up that funny business and I'll just go ahead and hurt her with a knife too. If you wanna hear some cold hard truth then you'll shut that door and come in, keep your hands to yourself and listen closely yeah?"

Remus did as told and clenched his knuckles when he saw just how much damage the older boy had been doing to his love. Chad chucked a shirt at the girl and she scrambled to get it.

" Come on dollface, put that shirt on. I can't be having fun with you if we have guests."

As soon as she pulled the thing over her head he replaced the knife back over the girls chest and placed the duck tape accordingly where it had been before, covering her entire mouth.

" So Lupin, she hasn't told you or any of your marry band of friends about how close we are and how we date back? Let me just start by explaining how we met if you didn't already know, this pretty little doll's mum owed my dad some money. So her mummy dearest sent her over to live with my dad and I in payment. When we realized that her pretty little face didn't respond too well to our methods of treatment we got her mother to live with us as a maid because she knew how to make her shut up and stick with it."

Remus's face paled as realization kicked in again. Chad looked back over from Remus to Y/n and gently caressed her face in his hand,

" Isn't that right dollface? Dad and I had trouble with you unlike all the other girls so we had to come and hire up some help. Then, Lupin, after realizing we had such a good pet my dad couldn't help but re-open so all the other men could have a taste. And I knew her from Hogwarts too so I knew that I could still have my little play thing here as well, as long as I played the right strings. Which meant blackmail; she stays away from you all, I don't tell the whole school about what a whore she is. Until she came back two weeks ago telling me that it was still too much and she wanted to have her friends back. So of course I let her have her friends back, she gets her friends I get my plaything. S'long as I still got to have her body she still got to have her friends. Now if you don't mind leaving us be and walking out so I can finish my dessert-'

Remus's blood was boiling and his face was flushed with rage at what he'd been doing to Y/n. Remus knew Y/n would've never consented to any of the things he'd been doing either.

So he lunged, knocked the knife out've the man's hand and punched him in the face with a force harsh enough to knock him out, yet it didn't. Remus wanted to savor this moment and he also had something else to do.

He kneeled down to the knocked over man's level and grabbed his face, pulling out his wand and pointing it directly between his eyes,

" Obliviate, Bastard."

Remus soon stood and moved over to where Y/n had been sitting by the door. He kneeled next her and sharply pulled her body into his before untying the rope around her wrists and pulling the duck tape off her mouth to where he could hear her sobs.

The boy grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up to sit on his knee before pulling her face into his shoulder.

" Bloody Shite Y/n, why didn't you tell me before?! I could've done something to help."

" I was afraid you wouldn't believe..."

" Y/n, I've believed you about this stuff since we met... I may've been mad at you but I'm not too pissed to see when the woman I love is being hurt by somebody."

" You love me?"

" I love you like you're the reason I breath Y/n, I always have. I love you like we'll be married with kids someday and I'm just a boy in love. So do you know how much it hurt me to see you drift away? It killed me love... I see now why you left but the pain you brought will likely never go."

" I love you too Remus... and I'm sorry I made you go through all that. I didn't want you or any of the boys to get hurt."

Remus still regretted all his horrible suspicions towards the girl sleeping on top of him and it didn't help anymore than before when he'd had to explain these things to their friends the night after.

________________________________

When Remus Lupin awoke he found his head nuzzled into the crook of a woman's neck, her hair slightly in his face. The boy pushed backwards and removed his head from her neck, yawning into the air. When the boy turned his head again to lay back down with her for another five minutes before getting up, he had to stop and doublecheck his eyes had been seeing correctly.

Remus Lupin looked in-between the girls shoulderblades, right below her neck and running slightly across her shoulder. There were words, obviously carved into the girl's skin with a knife or wand, either one, they were slightly puffy and a nasty red color.

Abomination of my flesh.

Remus moved over and gently pulled the covers off of Y/n's body to reveal all sorts of other engravings, scars, cuts and dark bruises that looked likely to never heal unless with a certain spell or potion littering her arms, front, back and neck. She looked so at peace that Remus couldn't find it in himself to wake her.

The boy was so caught up in racking his eyes over her body to look at the wounds that he didn't even notice the gentle sobs wracking his body.

Was this why you were so distant?

Sobs were completely wracking his body to bits in that moment and it took all of Remus not to pull the girl back into his arms again.

The boy was slowly realizing why Y/n hadn't said a word to any of the boys on the train back to school or the welcome back feast, he was yet again piecing together the girls entire problem.

Should've never been born.

Another sob

Blood-traitor

More sobs

Stop

Another sob

Bruises littering her shoulders and arms

More sobs

Eventually the boy stood up and moved over to the nearby wall, punching and kicking it.

Over, and Over, and Over again.

Until his knuckles bled and his heart broke for her even more than already so.

Remus found himself in a heap on the floor in someone's arms moments later and he felt Y/n's fingers gliding through his hair as he fought the urge to kick something over again. However he found himself curling into her grip again as sobs wracked his system. ________________________________

" Okay Rem just try not to disturb your knuckles. They're split y'know."

Y/n stood from her crouched position by Remus' feet and sat next to him on the bed, her legs atop his as she wrapped his splinched knuckles in gauze and medical tape after lathering them in healing gel.

Remus had to ignore the feeling of her thighs pressed against his and the look of her h/c hair in the autumn light as she bit her tongue in concentration, the shirt he'd leant her slightly falling off her shoulder to reveal a peach colored strap. Remus hadn't realized when she had finished and only did once her legs had left his.

He looked up at her slightly and saw how she had Ben biting her lip again. Remus swiftly reached up moved his hand along her cheek, gently caressing her face with the pad of his thumb before moving the finger over to her lips.

" Stop biting that lip."

The teenager parted her lip with his thumb before briskly attaching his to hers in a heated kiss. When the two teenagers broke apart Y/n found herself gazing into Remus's eyes before tearing her gaze away to look at the wall.

" I know why you got so pissed off Remus. I just need you to know I don't need help with it, I've been going to Lily about it. She wasn't very surprised but she's been a big help. She knew about why I hadn't been hanging out with you guys and really kept me alive during those times. She even helped when Snape hexed me with that one made-up spell of his that slits your skin open. But really Remus there's no need to worry."

The boy growled lowly and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

" Well I'm your boyfriend now so it's my job to keep you from harm, which means if I have to knock some sense into someone again I will."

Y/n turned and smirked at Remus, placing her hands on his shoulder, her face on her hands.

" I never agreed to date you."

Remus shook his head and scoffed at her lightly before panic set in and he turned to her with worry and concern. " I didn't force you into anything did I?"

Y/n smiled gently at him and wrapped his arm back around her again.

" I didn't agree to anything because you haven't asked yet Rem, not because I didn't want to."

After a long pause where Y/n nuzzled her nose into his neck Remus turned towards her.

" You're still letting me help you fix them up though."

Y/n smiled at Remus and he nudged her side with a playful smile as she did the same. The two of them erupting in a playful shoving session.

" Yeah yeah whatever, you're allowed to do that as long as you go and check whether or not Lily's dealt with the stench of alcohol yet so I know whether it's safe to go downstairs to change into clean clothes."

Remus nodded. Then, he snapped to attention and moved off the bed to his dresser. The male pulled open one of the drawers and rifled through for a moment before pulling out a set of clothing from the stack of clothes within. He stood up and handed them to Y/n.

" They're from when you used to keep clothes in here for days when we didn't trust you not to jump off the astronomy tower when we turned our heads. I don't know if they'll still fit but they are clothes."

Remus awkwardly scratched his neck after turning so she could change.

" Also, speaking of that topic... did you stop wearing the bracelet after we drifted apart? I haven't seen you wear it at all this year."

Remus turned around, looking timidly at the woman before him as she finished pulling his shirt over her head. Y/n bit her lip again and looked down.

" They would've taken it if they'd seen me wearing it so mum kept it for me while I had to stay there, she gave it back the day before I came for school. I wore it up until Chad started blackmailing me and after that-'

" Speaking of him blackmailing you, Sirius told me that on the full moon after he sat you down he saw more bruises on your waist and sides and the other ones from before had healed by then which means that he'd done it to you again while we had gone. Confirm my suspicions?"

Remus looked at Y/n with a calm, quizzical look. A look most would assume was calm, but Y/n, no Y/n knew Remus. And she knew he was pissed.

The girl stayed silent and looked down at the floor again as Remus' suspicions were confirmed. The boy in question simply nodded, and not his lower lip to suppress the slur of curse words threatening to come out of his mouth. Then, he inhaled sharply and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side and squeezing her tight.

The boy stood afterwards and turned, made his way to the door before looking back at Y/n.

" Yeah, that's what I thought... I'll be back soon okay. Stay here and I'll conjure some food for you, eat while I'm gone. If I see Lily or Kayla down there I'll get them to come up and join you. This is goodbye for now love."

Y/n soon stood and met him by the door, a grim look on her face.

" Kayla doesn't talk to me anymore, we fought too much last year and now that she's dating Lockhart we never talk. Where are you going?"

" Somewhere important dove, I'll be back as quick as an owl okay?"

" okay..." ________________________________

" What the bloody hell did you do Remus?"

Her tone had an accusatory note to it as she eyed Remus's split eyebrow and cut lip.

The boy pulled something out of his pocket and walked back over to Y/n.

" Nothing Madam Pomfrey can't fix darling. I also made you a new bracelet with the same spell I had dad use to make the old one."

" Remus Godamn Lupin your lip is busted and your eyebrow is split! I don't care how much damage you did to someone else I just don't want you hurt, at least let me fix it."

The taller boy sighed and kneeled before her position on the bed before gently slipping the red rubber band of the bracelet over her left wrist. Y/n's breath hitched as he pulled her sleeve back and examined the wounds running up it.

" You've forgotten I'm here for you to go to when you feel an urge, these look so fresh N/n."

Remus's face dropped as he gently ran his hand along the criss-crossing of jagged and jarred cuts running up her arm. He looked morbid, sad, and Y/n knew he was disappointed in her.

" I know that you told me not to Rem and I-'

Remus swiftly silenced the girl with a look as he went back to carefully turning her arm over, " I'm not mad at you, I know you can't just stop and be over with it. It comes and goes and I know how you are Y/n, things trigger you and you get upset, it's okay Y/n. I'm here now and that's all that matters."

And she broke down again, just as she'd done before at the boys house last school year. Right in his arms, where she felt at home.

_____________________________ Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food and remember You Are Loved! ^ - ^

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theyre-just-blocks · 4 years

Text

Dream SMP x Star Wars

Pt. 2

Okay, let's get the rest of them in here, shall we?

The Badlands

BadBoyHalo

Runs a group of smugglers in the Outer Rim in a city called "The Bad Lands"

He's probably some alien creature of some kind

Despite his name and his job, he's actually really kind and caring

Some people say it's just a facade though to make his job easier

He likes to train orphans (oop) and one of them is Sapnap

He's kinda retired and has his line of smugglers do the dity work for him

He doesn't give a damn about the Rebellion or the Empire, he's on whoever's side

To be honest, he switches sides whenever he feels like it or whoever's currently winning

Skeppy is his second in command but he isn't around much ://

Pretty sure they're married though

Currently he's on the side of the Empire because they're starting to colonize the Outer Rim and he would like to not have to go completely underground to avoid them

At one point, Sapnap told him about the Mandolorian they were hunting and asked him go help

Skeppy

He's part of BBH's little group

He's most likely married to BBH

Not entirely sure what species he could be but he's an humanoid alien

Unlike BBH though, he's actually out on the field doing smuggling and shit

He occasionally comes back and every time he does there's a new kid Bad's training

He tries to avoid the whole Empire thing because of his job but he doesn't care much for the Rebellion either

He's a pretty good pilot though!!

Antfrost

He hangs around the Badlands and helps around where he can

He's probably some kind of cat like alien creature or something y'know?

He was a bounty hunter before joining the Badlands clan and decided to stick around and try smuggling for fun

When Skeppy isn't around he's next in charge

He joined BBH in hunting down the Mandolorian with George and Sapnap at one point

But afterwards he went back to the Outer Rim because he didn't want anything to do with the Empire

Awesamdude

JEDI MANDOLARIAN JEDI MANDOLARIAN

I say that because it would be cool as hell and I love Sam

He was trained as a Jedi as a child because he was Force Sensitive (he was taken from Madalore after the Seige or something)

He's got a green and blue lightsaber (yes he wields two, he's that cool)

George was his padawan and he sent him on the mission to find Dream

Once he sent him away, Order 66 happened and he managed to get away from it and ended up in the Outer Rim

Somewhere in between that he got some Mandolorian armor and ditched the Jedi Robes to keep his identity safe

He ended up in the Badlands with Bad and the others and decided to stay

When Bad and Ant went alongside George and Sapnap, he stayed and watched over the place

He doesn't like the Empire but he isn't too involved with the Rebellion

He helps where he can

Pogtopia Members

Fundy

Wilbur and Sally's slightly Force sensitive son

His mom left when he was little and he was raised by Wilbur and Philza

Wilbur tried to train him in the ways of the Force but he babied him too much and Fundy ended up suppressing his power to avoid having to train with him

Had to flea the temple with his dad though after the Council found out Fundy was Wilbur's biological son and not just a padawan

They got lucky since Order 66 happened shortly after and they hid with the rest of the Sleepy Bois

When Wilbur left to join the Rebellion, Philza made Fundy go with him

From there though, Wilbur was super protective over him and didn't let him do anything important

It only got worse from there because Fundy decided to join the Empire after they promised he would be respected there (they noticed he was Force sensitive)

When his father joined the Empire though he decided that he didn't like being there and rejoined the rebellion

He doesn't have a light saber or anything because Wilbur thought it would be too "dangerous"

Daddy Issues is a Star Wars hallmark though so Fundy fits right in

Nikki

She's practically been fighting in the Rebellion all her life

She's a normal human but one hell of a pilot (c'mon Nikki in the pilot suits, you want it)

She has a droid, she loves them

Her planet was taken over by the Empire as soon as they came to power and broke her away from her family

She grew up alongside Tubbo (she was like an older sister to him) before they were separated due to the wars and shit

She joined the Rebels to fight for a cause and bring justice to the people who destroyed and took over her planet

Flys an X-Wing okay? Okay.

Eret

Double spy working with the Rebellion

He's an ex bounty hunter who was hired by the Empire to get intel from the Rebellion

He rises in the ranks in the Rebellion and earns their trust so nobody suspects him

He's put in charge of a base with Wilbur and his brothers who have recently joined the Rebellion (most recently Tommy did)

He reveals he was working with the Emipre the entire time and a Star Fleet arrives and takes the base and planet out with heavy artillery

No hard feelings or anything,, hahaha...

He then rejoins the Empire and is rewarded for his efforts by being made a Commander of a Star Destroyer

The Dream team works under him and he uses them as bounty hunters to try and hunt down Wilbur and the others

He's trouble though and starts to struggle because he feels guilty about what he did

So he tries to rejoin but it's risky and no one by Nikki really trusts him

Others/Manburg

Jschlatt

Pretty high up there on the rankings of Empire y'know

Maybe a commander or something but he's pretty ruthless and loves taking over planets

Basically take Tyrant Schlatt from the SMP and give him the Empire's funny outfits

Quackity

He kinda had no choice but to join the Empire and so that's what he did

He works under Schlatt and is his second in command

He's looking for power really, that's what he wants

After a run in with some Rebels who shoot up their fleet, he's left with some permanent injuries

It's clear Schlatt isn't going to let him get anywhere and Quackity is a bit of a loose screw so he left the Empire and decided to join the Rebellion instead after the smuggler life didn't work out for him

Karl

He works for the Empire

He was in charge of showing Sapnap and Dream around when they joined as Bounty Hunters

He and Sapnap became very close and later they let Quackity into their little group

He doesn't really have a high ranking or anything but he hangs around with the bounty hunters and eventually joins them

Later he leaves the Emipre with Quackity and they help out with the Rebellion

Anywho

That's all I've got for now. Timelines are probably super wonky and shit but I just really think it be neat to see them in Star Wars.

#mcyt #dream smp #star wars #badlands #pogtopia #badboyhalo #skeppy #antfrost #awesamdude #fundy #nikki nihachu #eret #jschlatt #quackity #karl jacobs

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punkrockmads · 4 years

Text

I Need You Now

Unspoken Words part 2

It's been a week since Sarah left her room. A week since anybody but Ellie has heard a word from her. They've tried. Jesse tried, Dina, Joel, Tommy... Hell, even Maria tried. But nothing can convince the girl to speak to them or leave her room to do anything other than use the bathroom or shower. After many failed attempts, Joel decided it was best to give her space.

So, she hides in her room, wondering what she did wrong. Wondering why Joel didn't want to be her dad. If only she'd given him a chance to explain himself. She's angry, but beyond that, she's hurt. The only person she talks to is Ellie. Ellie's the only one who doesn't try to force her to talk or leave her bedroom. She simply sits with her, makes sure she's feeling okay and that she's eating, and does everything she can to keep her from shutting down completely. If she's lucky, Sarah will comment on the stories about patrol or Boston that Ellie tells her. Usually, she just stays quiet, cracking a small smile at the funny things Ellie says to try and get her to laugh. It hurts Ellie to see Sarah so distant, but she knows the girl just needs time. She understands how it feels to realize someone lied to you about something important for years.

Today is no different. Ellie enters Sarah's room with two small bowls of soup. Sarah's asleep at her desk, right cheek smushed against the wood, a pen and a notebook beside her. Ellie sets the bowls on the desk, nudging Sarah lightly to wake her up. Sarah's eyes flicker as she allows herself to be pulled away from sleep. She sits up, rubbing at her eyes to hide any obvious signs of crying that Ellie has already seen.

"Hey." Ellie says, offering Sarah a small smile. She leans against the desk. "I, uh... thought I'd eat with you today. Keep you company."

"Okay." Sarah responds, the tiniest hint of a smile on her face. Ellie nods, grabbing the bowls once more and moving to sit by the window. Sarah watches, only moving when Ellie waves her over. She takes a seat in front of Ellie, taking the soup she's handed.

"Maria asked about you today." Ellie eats a bit of her soup, glancing at Sarah. "Wanted to know how you were doing."

"Oh." Sara says, quietly.

"Yeah. She wanted me to ask if you were wanting to go on patrols again. Get out of the house for a bit." Ellie continues. Sarah thinks it over. "She can assign you with Jesse."

"Why would that matter?" Sarah asks. Ellie finds a bit of comfort in the fact that she's talking more.

"Cause everyone knows you two like each other." Ellie says, a teasing smile on her face as she shoves Sarah with her foot.

Sarah shoves her back, rolling her eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah, sure." Ellie says sarcastically. "But seriously, it'd be good for you to get back out there. That way you're not cooped up in here all day."

Sarah bites her lip, contemplating what Ellie said. "I think that's a good idea." She concludes. "Just... I don't think I'm ready to speak to Joel yet."

"Did he tell you why he lied?" Ellie asks. Sarah shakes her head. "When he lost your mom, he didn't wanna get close to you and possibly lose you, too. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. When he told me he wanted to tell you, I said it was a good idea."

"Still wish he wouldn't have lied." Sarah mumbles. "Or screamed at me when I called him dad."

"Yeah, that was kinda dumb." Ellie admits. "He's crushed, y'know? He really didn't wanna hurt you, he just couldn't hide it anymore." She puts a hand on Sarah's knee. "He loves you, Sarah. He kinda sucks at showing it, but it's true. Every day, he asks me how you're doing, if you're eating... he worries about you."

"Yeah." Sarah says. "I know."

A month passes and Sarah still hasn't spoken a word to Joel. He leaves notes on her bedroom door or the kitchen table for her to read before patrol. Simple notes that say things like 'Made you breakfast' or 'won't be back till late tonight'. He's even been watching over Gus after he was accidentally left on the couch. Sarah's spent as much time as she can going on patrol and picking up extra chores; anything to stay away from the house for as long as possible. Maria's put limits on how much she can do, though. She's afraid Sarah will overwork herself. Usually, the patrols are simple but today's would prove to be a bit more eventful.

Sarah's in her head, not really focusing on searching for infected as she rides behind Jesse to the next patrol sign in. Jesse's talking but, for some reason, Sarah can't pay attention. She keeps remembering what happened at St. Mary's two years ago. She isn't happy with how they saved Ellie but she's happy they did save her. Ellie is like a sister to her. But that's not what she's thinking about. She's thinking about being shot. The feeling of the bullet going into her torso as they were running. She didn't say a word, didn't even flinch, she just kept going. But what if she hadn't been able to? What if she had fallen and was too weak to run? Would Joel have helped her? No, there'd be no way for him to save her. He had Ellie and she clearly couldn't run. He would've left her there... right? He would've abandoned her...

"Earth to Sarah!" Jesse snaps her out of her thoughts. She looks up to see him staring back at her. "You good back there?"

"Yeah, sorry." Sarah replies quickly, tightening her grip on Ponyo's reins. Jesse looks forward again.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, stopping in front of the next sign in; an old bar Tommy had said was shut down way before the apocalypse.

"Just... I was thinking about Joel." Sarah says, deciding not to tell him everything going on in her head.

"You still mad at him?" Jesse asks as they tie up their horses to a pipe outside the back of the building.

"A bit." Sarah admits, walking in front of Jesse into the bar through a hole in the wall that's hidden by vines. "But, I think I understand why he did it now. Why he lied, I mean." The bar smells like damp soil and rotting wood. Thankfully, the broken glass that once littered the floors has been cleaned to make it safer to walk around. That doesn't mean they don't have to watch where they walk, though. In certain areas, the wooden floor is rotten enough to break underneath them if they step on it.

"Maybe you should talk to him." Jesse says, signing the two in as Sarah peeks through the windows. "He feels really bad. I don't think I've seen him this upset since that fight he had with Ellie. Even then, it only took them a couple weeks to make up."

"Joel doesn't like fighting." Sarah says, simply. It's easier to say that than 'He lied to Ellie because he didn't want her to sacrifice herself for a possible cure for humanity.' "I was thinking about talking to him tonight, actually."

"That's good." Jesse says, a hopeful smile on his face. "I'm sure he'll be really happy about that."

"Yeah." Sarah says, looking around at all the abandoned booths and barstools. "I kinda feel like a dick for shutting him out, y'know?"

"He understands why you did it." Jesse assures Sarah, moving to stand in front of her.

"Yeah, but I... I shouldn't have done that to him. Or you and Dina. You didn't deserve that."

"Hey." Jesse puts a hand on her head. "Don't worry about it." He gives her a warm smile. "I've got something to show you. C'mon, shorty."

"I may be short but I'll kick your ass." Sarah warns, teasingly.

"I don't doubt it." Jesse chuckles, leading her through a door to the Employees Only room. Sarah follows, confused. There was never any reason to go back here.

"Where are we going?" She asks. Jesse stays quiet, moving a heavy metal filing cabinet out of the corner and revealing a hole in the wall. "Jesse?"

"Just c'mon. You're gonna like this." He says, crawling through the hole. Sarah groans, looking behind her before crawling in after Jesse. Jesse helps her stand up and she looks around. They're in a very small, very cramped bathroom.

"Wow." She laughs, tone full of sarcasm. "I love this bathroom."

"Well, then you're gonna love what's outside of this bathroom even more." Jesse grins, pulling a set of keys out of his back pocket.

"Shouldn't it lock from the inside?" Sarah asks, watching Jesse unlock the door.

"Yeah, but I switched the handle around so nobody could get in here." Jesse explains, opening the door. "You coming?" He asks, holding the door open. Sarah walks into the medium sized room. It's empty other than a few boxes, a door that's boarded up, and a desk in the far right corner with a wooden chair.

"What is this?" Sarah looks around. The room is lit only by a window on the right wall that lets in sunlight.

"It's an Employees Only room. You know that hair salon next door?" Sarah nods. "It's connected to that."

"Does anyone else know this is here?"

"If I wanted other people to know it was here, do you think I'd keep it locked up?" Jesse asks, rhetorically.

"Okay, I see your point." Sarah chuckles.

"Now, I know it's not much but I was thinking we could fix it up a bit, make it look cool, and turn it into our own private hangout. Just you and me. Whaddya say?" Jesse gives her a hopeful look, silently pleading for her to say yes.

"I think I can get behind that." Sarah decides, smiling at him.

"Yes!" Jesse yells, raising a fist in the air. "Oh... Hey, Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"Look up." Sarah does so, eyes going wide and smile growing bigger.

"Stars?" She chuckles in disbelief. The ceiling had been painted to look like the night sky. Blends of dark blues and blacks, tiny white dots to look like twinkling stars.

"You like it?" Jesse asks, hands on his hips. Sarah turns to look at him.

"Did you...?" She can't seem to form a sentence, completely in awe. Jesse just nods, his heart fluttering at her reaction. "How did you paint this?"

"My mom found a bunch of old paints in storage and gave them to me." Jesse explains. "I wasn't sure what to do with them at first but, when I saw this place... it just clicked." Sarah lunges at him, making him take a step back at the force as she hugs him.

"Thank you, Jesse." Sarah mumbles into his shirt. "This is amazing."

"Aww, you're welcome, shorty." Jesse says, hugging her. Sarah pinches his side and he flinches. "Ow! Okay, I guess I deserved that."

"You did." Sarah chuckles, pulling away. She looks around the room, noticing the boarded up door. "Think we can get this open?" She points to the door.

"Actually..." Jesse walks over to the wooden desk, opening one of the drawers. "I know we can." He takes out a hammer, grinning.

"You just conveniently have a hammer laying around?" Sarah asks.

"I meant to take these boards off last time I was here. So, yes. I conveniently have a hammer laying around." With some effort and assistance from Sarah, Jesse manages to pry the boards off the wall. He turns the handle of the door, walking into the salon.

"Well, this place is a wreck." Sarah comments, looking around at all of the misplaced items. Spray bottles, hair dryers, shampoo... there were even a few cracked mirrors.

"Front door's boarded up." Jesse says, walking to the middle of the room. The floor creaks loudly underneath him and, before either of them can react, it collapses and he falls through onto the cement floor of the basement with a loud crash.

"Jesse!" Sarah yells, running towards the hole.

"Fuck! I- I'm fine! I'm okay!" Jesse calls, slowly trying to stand up. "Just fell onto a pile of glass..." He pushes himself up, looking at a panicked Sarah.

"You scared the shit out of me!" Sarah exclaims. She's about to yell more but notices blood soaking through Jesse's jeans. "Jesse... your leg." Jesse looks down at his right thigh. "You got cut."

"That's a lot of blood." Jesse mumbles. He looks around. "Okay, there's a staircase over here. I think I can get upstairs."

"Just be careful." Sarah says. "Toss me your keys. I'll open the door." Jesse throws his keys to Sarah and hobbles in the direction of the staircase. Sarah goes to the basement door, fumbling with the set of keys to see which one fits. Finally, she finds the right key, opening the door to find Jesse leaning against the wall. "Jesus." She whispers, seeing the blood dripping down his leg.

"It's just a cut." Jesse assures. "I'll be fine."

"At least let me wrap it." Sarah insists.

"Alright." Jesse says. "Guess I don't wanna bleed out before we get home. Let's get back to that Employee room."

Jesse sits in the chair as Sarah pulls a roll of bandages out of her backpack. She wraps the bandages around the gash tightly, trying to be as gentle as possible. When she's finished, she leans and places a small kiss on the bandaged wound before standing and holding out her hand for Jesse to take. He takes it, letting her help him stand.

"Man, these stitches are gonna hurt like a bitch." Jesse groans, following Sarah out to the horses.

"Probably. Hey, you gonna be able to ride?" Sarah asks, flashing him a concerned look.

"Yeah, I..." Jesse wants to say yes but he knows he's losing a lot of blood and the bandages can only do so much. He's already a bit dizzy. "Maybe not."

Sarah thinks for a moment before coming up with an idea. "Okay, you're gonna ride with me. I'll tie Cobalt up inside and get our secret spot locked up. You stay here."

"Yes, ma'am." Jesse says, mocking her bossiness as he leans against the building. Sarah takes Cobalt inside. She's only gone for a few minutes, returning to Jesse who greets her with a smile.

"Here, let me help you up." Sarah guides Jesse onto Ponyo, making sure he isn't going to fall off before getting on in front of him. Jesse's arms wrap around her waist securely. She can't help but feel better with him close to her. She can't deny, it makes her feel safer. As they ride, Jesse leans forward, resting his forehead on Sarah's left shoulder. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Jesse mumbles. "Think I hit my head when I fell."

"We're almost home." Sarah says, silently hoping they'll make it back without any issues. "Just hang on a bit longer."

When the two make it back, it's around 4:00pm. Sarah dismounts Ponyo, handing the reins to a stable worker so she can help Jesse down.

"He's got a cut on his right leg and he might've hit his head. He fell pretty far. Cobalt is tied up in the bar." Sarah explains to a few people who agree to take Jesse to the infirmary. She stops them, putting a hand on Jesse's chest. "You want me to come with you?"

"I'll be fine." Jesse assures. "Go talk to Joel. I'll come find you after I get patched up." Hesitantly, Sarah nods, going home. When she gets there, Joel isn't back, yet. She sighs, setting her bag down and searching for one of Joel's usual notes that would explain where he went. She finds it on the kitchen counter by the coffee pot.

'Girls, Tommy and I are headed out

to clear out a group of infected.

Won't be back 'till later tonight.'

"Great." Sarah sighs. "There goes that plan." She decides to see what Ellie and Dina are up to. She heads out to the garage, knocking on the door. Ellie opens it, smiling when she sees Sarah.

"Hey! Come on in!" Ellie says, holding the door for Sarah. Sarah walks in, seeing Dina on the couch searching through DVDs.

"Hey, Sarah." Dina greets with a grin. "We're gonna watch a horror movie. You in?" Sarah completely forgot tonight's movie night.

"Definitely." Sarah says, unzipping her jacket and tossing it on Ellie's desk before sitting on the floor in front of Dina.

"Where's Jesse?" Ellie asks. She picks up a DVD and puts it into the player, starting the movie.

"He's at the infirmary. He fell on some glass but he's okay." Sarah explains. "I wanted to go with him."

"He's a big boy." Ellie says, sitting beside her girlfriend. "He can take care of himself."

"I know." Sarah shrugs, watching the beginning of the movie. "Is this Carrie?"

"Yep." Dina confirms, smiling.

"How? The DVD got destroyed when Tommy borrowed it."

"We found a DVD rental place on our last supply run." Ellie answers. We also found a movie called "Blue is the Warmest Colour."

"Oh, I think I saw that one with Evelyn." Sarah recalls.

"You mean back when you had a huge crush on her?" Ellie teases.

"Oh my God." Sarah rolls her eyes. "She was cute but she turned out to be such a bitch! All I did was reccomend the movie! I still can't believe she punched me in the face."

"Yeah, after she called you a faggot." Dina reminds her. "She was an asshole. I'm glad you came to your senses, though. Finally gave in to your crush of two years. Now, one of you just has to make the first move."

"What are you talking about?" Sarah asks, feigning confusion.

"Uh, you and Jesse. Duh!" Dina grins. "You two are so fucking in love-"

"Okay, no more talking during the movie." Sarah cuts her off, quickly.

"...You never denied it." Ellie says after a few minutes.

"Shut up." Sarah snorts, making the couple laugh.

Twenty minutes into the movie, there's a knock on the garage door. Ellie stands up, opening the door.

"Hey, Jesse." She says, inviting him in. Sarah smiles, glad to see him patched up. "Sarah told us you got hurt." Jesse chuckles, smiling down at Sarah.

"Ah, just a few stitches in my thigh." Jesse explains. "Be good as new in no time. Anyways, what are we watchin'?"

"Carrie." Sarah responds as Jesse tosses his jacket and backpack to the side and sits beside her on the floor. "Careful of your stitches." She warns.

"I'm fine." Jesse assures. "Doesn't even hurt that much." He stretches his legs out to make his point. Ellie flops back down on the couch, her head laying on Dina's shoulder as the four of them watch the movie. Sarah lays down on her side, resting her head in Jesse's lap. About halfway into Carrie, she manages to fall asleep, unknowingly clinging to Jesse's pant leg as she drifts off, completely forgetting about her plan to speak with Joel.

Jesse doesn't notice Sarah's fallen asleep until he looks down and finds her laying there, curled up, lips slightly parted, and fist holding onto his jeans with all of her sleepy strength. He chuckles quietly, brushing hair out of her face and smiling at her with adoration.

"What is it?" Dina asks, both her and Ellie growing curious as to why Jesse is laughing during a horror movie. Jesse turns back to look at them, a wide smile on his face.

"She's asleep." Jesse explains, nodding towards Sarah. The two girls lean over to see her, confirming what Jesse said.

"That's fucking adorable." Ellie chuckles. "She must be exhausted. All that extra work she's been picking up..." Ellie sighs, kind of glad to see Sarah finally resting and not working her ass off.

"I'm gonna take her to bed." Jesse says, standing and lifting Sarah up bridal style. Sarah hums i9n her sleep, shifting a bit before settling again. "Jesus, she needs to eat more." He points out, feeling how light she is.

"You okay carrying her with your leg?" Ellie asks. "She's not gonna be happy if you tear your stitches."

"I got it." Jesse nods. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He carefully opens the door, carrying Sarah out to the house. When he gets inside, Joel is in the living room. He looks over when he hears the back door open, offering Jesse a tired smile.

"Hey." Joel says, voice gruff. "Patrol go okay?"

"Yeah. No infected." Jesse says. "How about you? Heard you and Tommy were sent to clear out a group of infected."

"Whoever said it was a herd overreacted." Joel laughs a bit. "It was maybe four or five hiding out in an old motel. But, I guess it was worth it. Found some good supplies." He looks down at Sarah. "Alright. You should go put her in bed."

Jesse nods, walking up the stairs. He stops at the fourth step. "Hey, Joel?" Joel turns around, looking at Jesse. "It may not seem like it, but... I'm pretty sure she forgives you." At that, Joel lights up, turning and walking away with a smile. Jesse carries Sarah to her bedroom, laying her down on the bed gently and pulling the blankets up to her chin. He places a kiss to her forehead and lets out a small sigh before turning and heading back to the garage. As Sarah lays there in the dark, she begins to shift, mumbling incoherently. Her sleep will prove to be anything but peaceful.

St. Mary's Hospital. A place that would remind Joel, Ellie, and Sarah of the Fireflies and the lie Joel told Ellie to protect her. For Sarah, it's also a reminder of the time she was shot during the escape. What if she had been too weak to keep going? All she could rely on was her own strength and the hope that she'd be able to keep running. What if she hadn't?

She's back in the hospital, running beside Joel who's carrying an unconscious Ellie. The adrenaline, the rapid heartbeat, the fear, all of it returns. The same feeling of dread mixed with determination floods through Sarah. The three round a corner and that's when Sarah's shot, the familiar sensation of the bullet piercing through her skin and spilling her blood. But, this time, the pain is too much and she falls to the ground with a cry. No... She fights to get up; to keep going. But the fight is useless. She can't move.

"Joel!!" Sarah screams, reaching out for him. He's only a few feet ahead of her. He stops dead in his tracks, turning around slowly. She calls for him again and he only smiles. He stares at her, watching her bleed out and scream for him, laying there, helplessly waiting for something to happen. Sarah feels sick to her stomach at the way he grins. Joel turns away from her again, walking off with Ellie.

"Joel!! Dad, please!!" Sarah sobs, trying to stand only to fall back again. "Dad!! Help!!" Her cries are ineffective, her father walking out of sight... leaving her behind... "Dad!!"

In Joel's bedroom, he's sitting in bed reading a crappy novel he found in the motel earlier that day. He hears Sarah's desperate screaming and wastes no time throwing the book to the side and rushing out of the room. He practically trips over his own feet running into Sarah's bedroom to find her laying stiff in her bed, sobbing and screaming for her father... for Joel. He sits next to her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her lightly.

"Sarah...Sarah!" Joel calls her name, trying to pull her out of her dream. "Sarah, wake up!" She jolts awake, sitting up so quickly she almost smacks her forehead against Joel's. She sobs, rapidly searching the room, trying to remember where she is. "It's okay. It was only a dream." Joel says, rubbing her arms. Sarah looks at Joel and sobs louder.

At first, Joel thinks she's mad at him for being there but she scrambles into his arms, clinging to the back of his shirt. "Dad..." Sarah cries. "Please don't leave me..."

"Shh, I've got you, baby girl." Joel coos, holding Sarah tight against him as her tears create a damp spot on his shirt. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you." He's extremely happy to finally hear Sarah call him dad but hides his excitement so he can focus on comforting her. His daughter needs him. "You're okay." Joel rocks her side to side, patiently waiting for her to calm down. "You're okay." When Sarah's nearly asleep, he lays her back down, moving to cover her up.

"Dad?" She mumbles, eyes half open.

"Yeah?" Joel responds, feeling another spark of joy at the title. Sarah reaches for his forearm, tugging at it.

"Stay with me?" Sarah asks, almost pleading.

Joel finally lets himself smile, overjoyed with Sarah's forgiveness. "Okay."

#the last of us #the last of us 2 #sarah miller #tlou sarah #joel tlou #joel miller #ellie tlou #ellie williams #tlou dina #tlou jesse #fanfiction #personal

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snkpolls · 4 years

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SnK Chapter 126 Poll Results

The chapter 126 poll closed with 1,647 responses. Thank you for your support! This month’s poll results were compiled by @shifter-lines , /u/alooulla, /u/_Puppet_, @manerein and @momtaku.

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,514 responses

“Rate the Chapter” is a genuine bell curve this month instead of having its more typical overwhelmingly positive skew. While not terrible by any means, the response to chapter 126 was the most lukewarm since chapter 107, and it was the second worse performing chapter since we started the poll.

(Kazoo Avengers theme)

By far, this was the chapter I enjoyed the least, I just hope that the ending feels realistic

Definitely fast paced, but definitely needed to finally kick things into high gear. The Calm Before The Storm…

it was pretty disappointing by aot standards, but the last 15 chapters were amazing, so what am i even complaining for.... i just hope that isayama can write a decent ending.

I feel like this is either one of those chapters that will be more rewarding in hindsight when we have more info or was just straight up moving forward so we can get to the good stuff faster and we will have to suck it up and move on. All in all I think it was a good chapter even if a little rushed.

Easily the worst chapter in years due to the fast pacing, convenient plot developments and cliche and very cheesy and cringey ending page quote.

In the anime they could make a whole episode out this single chapter instead of using two chapters to make a single episode

ISAYAMA GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! THE SAUNA AINT RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU

Haha pie

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,519 responses

After nearly a year of absence Levi and Hange were finally back in the story so it’s no surprise that “Everything with Levi and Hange” topped the list of favorite moments with 22.1%. “Avengers Assemble” was a distant second with 10.6%. Confirmation that Levi was alive came in third (10.2%).

ONYANKOPON CALLYING JAEGERISTS A BUNCH OF CHAUVINISTS

Pieck and Hange teaming up? Eren better watch out because those two together are gonna KICK SOME ASS!

Hange needs so much more appreciation, she is such a good person. I hope she and Levi both survive this shit.

I loved everything that happened, it just desperately needs some more detail filled in.

I loved Levi and Hange interactions

Annie eating pie is just perfect

It was so good to see Levi and Hanji again and together. They suffered so much, i need an end where they both survive and can have a restful retirement

Glad to see that Connie is still a good guy. Also that he is trying his best becouse of his Mother.

But what Pieck Pieck? The greatest tragedy is that Isayama took that from us, y'know not that Eren is destroying the world or something...

I really loved to see Armin and Annie together!

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,507 responses

Talk about polarity. “Avengers Assemble” may have been the second most popular “Favorite Moment” but it was also the landslide winner for “Least Favorite” with nearly 22% of the fandom selected it as the worst moment of the chapter. “Floch’s Speech” (13.8%) and “The Ragako Subplot” (13.5%) rounded out the top 3.

everyone called them the avengers but lets get real they are a fuckin Suicide Squad

Why are we wasting time on Louise

Avengers Lowcost version

Didn't understand Magath reasons to join forces with his enemys. It felt like some story in between was missing.

Can I just say I hate what Isayama did with Connie's character? I've never seen a character as bipolar in his development

Floch was the only good part....

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP? 1,503 responses

Hange (23%), Jean (16.2%) and Armin (13.4%) were our top three favorite characters this month. It needs to be said that “Pie” came in at number four with nearly 10% of the fandom selecting it.

it WAS nice to see characters choosing to be their best selves for the sake of others. For that reason, it was difficult to pick an MVP -- but I gave it to Onyankopon because he crystallized so eloquently exactly what I had been thinking since Eren started the Rumbling.

Levi and hange tho

So much Erwin nods! Yesss <333

Still love my boy Jean!

Some characters are still acting consistent: Jean, Magath, Levi (still not over killing the BT and that's good), Onyankopon and Floch.

Connies growth, Jean's motivation, I'm glad these boys are reclaiming their almost-lost humanity!

Levi. That is all.

Oh, also, I want pie.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE HANGE AND LEVI CAMPSITE MOMENT? 1,494 responses

“Hange suggesting that they live in the woods together” (27.2%) was the favorite campsite moment, followed by “Levi’s words upon waking up” (23.3%). “Hange sniping while shedding a tear” was third (19.6%))

I'm giving this 5/5 solely for Yams finally feeding the LeviHan shippers some good fucking food after so long.

I ship Levi and Hange. It's so cute when Hange realized that Levi was listening to her/him while pretending to sleep.

Shirtless Levi round two! Wit, you better do the job correctly this time!

We need a Historia chapter but it’s great to see Hange and Levi being back.

PIECK… FINGER? 1,492 responses

Pieck Finger. Pieck Finger everybody. You know how a common response to trauma or awkwardness is humor? Well 42.6% of you are primarily concerned with how “Pieck Finger” will be memed. 24.7% of you accept the trauma and say you wish she would’ve just stayed “Pieck”, and 20.6% of you are glad she has a last name, but did it really have to end like this? 6.5% of you think it’s a “cool and realistic last name”, and I think you guys scare me more than the people who vote “Snapchat” on the last question every month. More on that later.

"pekfinger" is swedish for "pointer finger" too. oh lord

Back when Pieck was supposed to be a dude, the working name was "Oliver Pieck", at least from what I read on the AoT wiki. I feel like Isayama could have just switched the first and last name around to make it "Pieck Oliver." That would've sounded far less weird.

I know a guy named Buck Ramming. Pieck Finger is fine by me lol

It's an instruction not a name.

Levi sure could use a couple of Piecks right about now heyoooooo

the fact that she got the worst titan and now also the worst name it’s so funny

What kind of a first name is Pieck?

AS PREDICTED, CONNIE’S ROADTRIP WITH FALCO ENDED AMICABLY. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT? 1,498 responses

The Ragako subplot did little for the readers with nearly one-third of the fandom calling it a complete waste of time. The majority (46.2%) were slightly more charitable selecting “It was ok. I’m glad it wrapped up quickly”. Only 17.5% loved the moment. The write-ins were pretty damning.

Good plotpoint, really bad execution

I cringed the whole time.

I liked the outcome, but it was handled too quickly

A complete waste of time: Connie's arc? Sharted over. The consequences about Falco? Sharted over. Possibility to exploit serumbowl or Ymir's memories? Glossed over.

All of this made no sense and it was solved so quickly it seemed unrealistic. YAMS WE NEED PROPER CLOSURE PLS DON'T WASTE MORE INK

Connie changed his mind a bit too quickly, but it was good nevertheless

Connie deserved better writing.

Felt too shallow for how quick it sprung up, needed more development. As it is now, it could've just not happened

I'm glad that Connie hasn't died yet because I appreciate him, but there's been wasted potential. Ymir's memories and Porco and Colt's deaths have been reduced to a single vignette where we can only speculate and write fics.

Missed opportunity to actually develop Connie's character. We didn't learn anything we didn't already know about Connie.

This feels like what the anime did to the Uprising Arc. It happened way too fast and honestly felt like Isayama was just checking it off a list, so to say. Which is honeslty a bit uncharactieristic of his writing. I really hope this doesn't start, or continue, a trend...

WHICH DENTAL HYGIENE MOMENT DID YOU ENJOY MORE? 1,494 responses

Before I talk about the numbers, I just want to shout out the one guy who responded “Other” and just said “why”. Anyway, a solid majority of you guys’ favorite dental hygiene moment was Hange asking Pieck rude lady questions, which frankly sounds much worse than it actually is. The next most common answer, getting just over 25% of the votes, was Connie’s Master Plan™, followed by “Both”, followed by “Neither!” I still like the guy who just said “why”.

I didn't mind it, but I heard that Isayama did this so he could get a toothbrush merch campaign going lol

Isayama has a teeth fetish confirmed

Holy Fuck what was Connies face doing when he was talking about titan teeth brushing.

Why, just why

Pie

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOW MIKASA ACTED TOWARDS LOUISE? 1,457 responses

The fandom is almost evenly divided over Mikasa’s actions towards Louise. By the narrowest of margins, Mikasa’s compassionate nature took the majority (26.8%). The other extreme, “Mikasa should’ve sucked it up and let the girl be happy”, was second with 26.2%. A quarter of the fandom instead chose to focus on Louise. “Louise was crazy and deserves the cold shoulder” was third (23.9%).

It's not surprising that Mikasa ran out of f*cks to give. There are only so many lives she can value, and right now she doesn't have the time to spare, or room in her heart.

I don't think Mikasa had any responsibility there, and the scarf is hers. Given its significance, and that she owes Louise nothing, it seemed like the moment was morally neutral.

I really didn't care. Louise is barely a character, and Mikasa had no duty to be nice to a person who enabled and supported a bloody coup just because she saved her life once.

I don’t blame Mikasa. I don’t like and want to spend time with my stalkers either

I felt bad for Louise. She’s dying, let her think you care about her, Mikasa

I felt like Louise is completely obsessional but Mikasa is just as much. To me these kinds of moments show that Mikasa has completely lost it recently

I'm concerned about what this says for Mikasa's character development thus far, and I felt kind of bad for Louise

I'm sick of the scarf back and forth

It actually seems quite obvious to me that Mikasa pitied the poor girl, but there was nothing she could have done for her. Because she simply lacks the time necessary to care for Luise, or change her mind or make sure that she's ok.

That this is about Mikasa’s compassion or lack thereof I think says more about how we feel women should feel. I think it was fine, she barely knows Louise and there is a lot more going on. Louise is a grown woman that made her own decisions.

the most interesting part about it is that Eren asked Louise to throw the scarf away. that's it.

Mikasa already did a good gesture by visiting Louise, no one would ask Jean to do the same with Floch, so I don't see the big deal. Both cases are "protagonist sees themselves in antagonist, and realise how they mustn't become like them".

WHY DID MIKASA DECIDE TO TAKE HER SCARF BACK? 1,482 responses

“Mikasa wants it back for other reasons” was the selection of nearly half of respondents, since “wearing it” and vague malice towards Louise were the other two options.

Eren wants her to throw it away, so she's making her own decision and going against his wishes on purpose.

I don’t know if she’ll wear it again, but it’s always been her scarf and she’ll decide it’s fate when she’s ready

I think she wants to give it back to Eren.

It's still important to her. She may let go of Eren but the scarf is always gonna be there to remind her of what was and the family she once had.

It’s just simply that it’s hard to throw away a possession you held dear for most of your life. It’d be more out of character for her to throw it away. I don’t think she ever planned on abandoning the scarf—setting it aside was rather Isayama’s way of showing Mikasa’s conflicted thoughts on her relationship with Eren.

Ultimately, Mikasa's the authority on the scarf and it's emotional weight, while Louise was trying to squeeze her own meaning out of it. It wasn't Louise's place to do so, and it wasn't her scarf to take. Whatever is to be done with it, to see it used again, given to someone else, or see it thrown out or destroyed, is a choice only the scarf's real owner, Mikasa, should make.

THEY FOUND ANNIE BY SITTING NEXT TO HER WHILE SHE WAS EATING PIE, THOUGHTS? 1,497 responses

The reunion with Annie was another chapter moment that fell flat for the majority with only 21.8% expressing approval with it. The majority (31.8%) thought it would’ve been ok if there was more time for conversation and reaction and 22% were primarily bothered by the coincidence involved in the reunion. The remaining 20% found the lazy writing unforgivable.

*sigh*

There was way too much build up just to have it end in a gag. It was cute, but it... just doesn't work?

Are you telling me that every time you talk about Robert Downey Jr. he doesn't just appear right next to you?

Humor was not appropriate in this situation

I fucking loved it

I think it's lazy writing but it made me laugh pretty hard so I'll give it a pass

It was a funny moment but definitely not how I had imagined nor hoped Armin/Annie's reunion would happen

Sitting together like nothing happened before and eat and laugh… are you serious?!! It’s not funny

SNK has always had funny moments like this woven into it, especially when the 104th were still trainee's, and it's nice to see a tonal flashback to the past like this.

Stranger things have happened. Floch's hair, for example.

WHAT SORT OF PIES DO YOU THINK THEY WERE EATING? 1,469 responses

Fruit. Definitely fruit.

...

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What's the point of this question?? I'm confused

What the fuck is a meat pie?

We're missing PIEces of the puzzle still

WHAT PIE WOULD YOU SCARF DOWN THAT FAST IF YOU WERE ANNIE? 1,459 responses

Apple (23.9%), and chocolate (16.2%) are our favorite pies, with Meat and “I don’t like pie” tying for third (11.4%). Several respondents were rather vocal about this even being asked. To them I say Isayama is the one who started this :P

Apricot, you American heathens

Duh. Pineapple of course

I'd be more worried about getting home to my dad before he's crushed by a psycho

Marleyan organ pie made by the Usurper Chad himself!

nectarine pie.... you should try it

Rhubarb pie. Best Pie Ever.

Sweet Potato Pie!

There are so many interesting questions you could have asked in this poll yet didn't, but you're asking about pie? (A/N: There are so many interesting things Isayama could have drawn in this chapter yet didn't, but he's drawing about pie? )

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HITCH BEING LEFT BEHIND? 1,479 responses

While the majority thought it was a good way to write her out (36.3%), there was plenty of disappointment (26.2%) and many who thought it could’ve been handled better (16.6%). A segment of the fandom (18.5%) thinks she’ll be back since there is more she has yet to do.

Perfect. She is always left behind throughout the series. The continuation of this makes sense.

Does the lack of Hitch means the lack of pies? Because this is unacceptable.

Glad that she'll survive probably, but she was such an interesting character

Annie and Hitch were my new otp, so just sad feels

Hitch is safe from now on. Ok for me.

I felt so sorry for her, because Annie's disappearance reminded me a bit of Hitch's relationship with Marlowe. Once more it seemed like the Survey Corps was taking someone precious away from her, off to an unknown and risky fate

I never had pie so Idk.

WERE YOU WORRIED THAT JEAN WOULD JOIN THE JAEGERISTS? 1,480 responses

For this question, 21.5% of you were a little nervous that Jean might join the Jaegerists, but a much more significant 69.2% understood the implied fact that the Jaegerists only accept humans, and Jean is a horse, and therefore there was never any threat of him allying with them. You’d think that with like four hundred years of this series being out, I’d think of a better way to make that joke, but here we are. Anyway, the last 9.3% of you think Jean would do more to help Paradis if he joined the Ab Church, which is an excellent parallel to the Wall Church in the beginning of the series, I might add.

I still wish more time was given to the subplots such as more time to stew on Jean joining the Yaegarists

LAST MONTH 75% OF THE FANDOM THOUGHT JEAN WOULD BE THE PERSON TO TAKE DOWN FLOCH. DO YOU STILL THINK THE HAIRBOWL WILL HAPPEN? 1,463 responses

Remaining in the strong majority, 72.6% of you guys think there will be some sort of confrontation between Jean and Floch, though whether that means you think Jean will be the person to “take down” Floch or not is beyond me. I don’t know. I didn’t write this question, I’m just writing the blurb for it.

I'm still betting on Floch shooting Jean in the head as a punishment for not going along with the flow

take down Floch please!!!! ..

FINAL WORDS. WHO DID IT BETTER? 1,479 responses

With 43% of the vote, Onyankopon’s... several... words? beat out Yelena’s strong and (mostly) silent type response (which got 33.1% of the vote, by the way) at their “execution''. 23.9% of respondents said “Both”, and while technically “both” couldn’t have done it “better”, I’ll let it slide, because they were both pretty cool, and semantics don’t matter.

Best boy was Onyankopon. We only used to get glimpses of him and finally he has rebelled, showing that he has more guts than some of our main characters.

JEAN AND HANGE’S PLAN TO ESCAPE SHIGANSHINA HAPPENED OFFSCREEN. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 1,473 responses

Three-fourths of the fandom expressed some disapproval of how the offscreen planning of the escape from Shinganshina went down calling it sloppy(18.1%) and confusing (13.9%). Of those, the majority (39%) will be ok with it if a future chapter provides more details. Only a quarter of the fandom completely loved the handling of this.

Even if flashbacks fill the gaps later, they won't make 126 a better chapter.

How did they even communicate? I thought it was all planned between Jean and Mikasa

on the page with the titans marching at night, you can see a figure standing outside jean's window. could be hange coming to discuss plans

I liked it, but I think I like it even more if it's explained in the next chapter(s).

I think he did it that way to add surprise. I feel like lately he has been in general illustrating with a more cinematic eye and by writing the scene this way it will play better in visual media. Lately I feel like he has been thinking this way, it’s been a trend for a while now.

This is why you shouldn't cram up 3 chapters worth of content into one. I don't care if Isayama has to end his volume on some goddamn awful page. You don't mess with certain parts of the narrative.

It was fine, it wasn't necessarily a scene that needed to be included so I'm fine with it.

WHO WAS THE PERSON IN THE WINDOW? 1,456 responses

Who was the person in the window? Was Chapter 116 the last time we’ll ever see Eren transform into his Attack Titan? How to turn into a titan without alerting the military police??? When will I stop asking questions? Right now!

Just under two-thirds of the votes for this question went to Shadis. Following Shadis at a clean 10% is Zeke, trailed by Zombie Erwin at 9.6%. Given the theories about Eren’s body at the end of 117 being a Warhammer clone, I never thought I’d see the day when Zombie Erwin beats Eren in a “who is the mysterious character who is not inside Eren’s Titan” question, but here we are!

CHADIS

Keith Lurkdis

Erwin never died! What even is that option 'zombie Erwin'???

Farmer-kun

Idk but whomever it is I hope they're a good guy.

Male adult figure... Must be my man Shadis. There's no way Zeke would wear so many clothes.

Ugh I have no idea. I’m not going to pretend I can predict anything anymore.

2Pac

WHY DO YOU THINK MAGATH DEMANDED THEY CAPTURE YELENA? 1,465 responses

Why did Magath bring Yelena back with Jean and Onomatopoeia? ~20% of you thought it was because she’s need for a plan involving Zeke, ~17% think he wants the details of Zeke’s plan from her, just over 14% said he wants information about Eren, 4.4% of you think he wants her as a prisoner, and the overwhelming majority, at 44.6%, think it’s all of the above.

My theory is that Yelena is Magath's daughter

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FINAL PANEL? 1,478 responses

Another close one. If we disregard those who selected “Avengers Assemble”, which even though we added it I have no idea if it’s meant “Hell yes, can’t wait to see the Hulk and Black Widow together again” or “Please let Tony Stark’s legacy RIP.”, The “I didn’t like it” beat out the “I liked it” by 0.3%. However you look at the data, it’s astonishing that essentially one-third of the fandom did not like this ending.

*sigh*

Get in loser, we're going to save the world

A nice cringe to start my day with :)

The old gangs back together but with ADDITIONAL TRAUMA

I think it was supposed to be satirical. A lot of us expected that the warriors and the 104th would unite again so I think Isayama made it as cliché as possible to 1)offer the readers some comic relief, 2)maybe mock his own plot and show that he's aware that this alliance is kind of cliché.

At what point did Annie and Reiner deserve to be forgiven and taken in by the SC? And why do they think they actually can (or even should) stop the Rumbling?

Marvel copied the last panel

It is a reference to Reiner’s long time ambition, and an indication to his next role. Helos perhap. But I don't think isayama would let him save the world happily. Maybe he will save the world in an ironic and tragic way.

Brilliant !!! Finally it's Connie's turn to shine.

Can't wait to see this optimism crushed. Great moment, though.

I don't understand why people think it's such a cheap cheesy ploy when it's honestly kinda obvious that they're being set up for a fall. Optimism almost always meets at the very least a bittersweet reality in this story.

It's cheesy, but people don't consider it's Connie who's saying this who is an idiot

REGARDING THE LAST PANEL, DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE A PLAN? 1,475 responses

Nearly 70% of you believe that Final Panel Gang have a plan, while just over 30% think they’re just gonna wing it. Get it? “Wing it”?

For more serious commentary, we’re normally used to seeing “Yes/No” questions a little more perfectly split, especially the ones that involve Eren. It’s interesting to see a more unified response, even if it means that SOMEBODY on Reddit is going to say “Nice.” about the Yes vote.

Isayama will probably do a flashback of the plan, he likes doing this sort of thing lol. It was fine.

It's fine IF the planning is shown in the following chapters, but if not then it'll feel like Isayama couldn't come up with solutions and did everything off screen just because of that.

Telling the plan to the reader only works, if the plan fails.

I feel like the pacing of the chapter was this fast so that Isayama could end with the "Avengers Assemble" scene as the big volume cliffhanger for the next one, so he tried to get through the events quickly to give it that poetic ending. In that case, it's possible Isayama might show how some of these events unfolded in the next chapter or two; he usually does that kind of thing when showing big events for the first time. If the next chapter fleshes some of the scenes from this chapter more like showing Jean discussing the Avengers' plan with Mikasa and Armin, I think that could make this chapter better when we look back on it.

WOULD YOU RATHER THIS CHAPTER HAVE BEEN SPLIT INTO TWO? 1,468 responses

Remember what I said about being accustomed to more split votes? Well, 39.5% of you said that you would prefer this chapter have been split into two, citing a lack of development, while 39.2% of you said that you’re glad Isayama is, *ahem*, moving forward with the plot. The near-perfect divisions breaks off a little bit when we consider that another ~12% said no, blaming the plots themselves for the problems with chapter, and 6% effectively voting yes, saying that the chapter should’ve been split into three.

Ask me again in a few months when we see how the whole plot wraps up and if Isayama adds any additional details via flashback.

Honestly all of these plot points could have been arcs within themselves and i wish it had been given enough time to become that

I like that the plot is progressing but i don't like the subplots being rushed

I'm happy it's going forward and not dragging on, but I would've loved more of an interaction between the scouts and annie/reiner.

One and a half

𝜋

There are various holes (lack of reaction during Annie's appearance, poor coherency of when Eren managed to speak with many people) but Isayama is giving us cool alliances, so it's half okay.

IF YOU COULD DROP A SUBPLOT, WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE? 1,463 responses

A fairly close call here, with the trip to Ragako Village being out in front with 42.6 percent of you claiming this is the subplot you would drop; Louise and Mikasa’s plot about the scarf is close behind on 36.2 percent. Perhaps readers feel the time for small subplots is done, since there’s so much still to do with the main plot we do not understand? A lot of responses indicated Mikasa’s perceived ‘cruelty’ (you’re all wrong, just so you know!) towards Louise, so perhaps this is indicative of why so many people would choose this event to be the subplot to drop.

Mikasa is just dead inside atm, but i feel bad for Louise

Mikasa knew Louise wanted that scarf, but she knew she needed it more. Plus I can barely remember Louise lol

Mikasa's behavior isn't good, but it's understandable---there are numerous mentally taxing events occurring.

Ragako stuff kinda sucked.

Goddamnit, this chapter was smelly poo. Not only we spent 3 months for nothing with that stupid Ragako plot and now everybody is holding hands just like that. If you're bringing an alliance you're not gonna make it happen offscreen with no detail whatsoever?

Ah and the Ragako subplot missed addressing the serumbowl as well: all we got is Armin whining about not being like Erwin and that's it. No Bert, no Ymir being addressed.

IF YOU COULD HAVE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT ONE SUBPLOT IN THIS CHAPTER, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? 1,466 responses

Another close one! “The Armin and Annie reunion” is the subplot the majority wished for more information about with nearly 30% selecting it. “The conversation with Hange and Magath” was second (25.2%) and “Escape from Shiganshina” (17.7%) was third.

I was just expecting Levi, Hange and the corps interaction would be more surprising. The same goes for Annie and Armin's convo.

The mikasa scarf submit definitely could’ve happened in another chapter. This was too rushed and I really hope no other chapters feel this way. This chapter should’ve just been the Tagalog subplot, and then Annie and armin reunion. Then another chapter with hange/levi, Jean/flock and how they all came together to join forces.

It's so obvious this mad lad Isayama wanted to break the tension from the Armin / Annie reunion scene. We never know where he's going to trick us, do we ?

I do think that many things were kind of glossed over to save time. I'd prefer that things slow down a bit, just so we can soak up all that context. For example, the conversation between Hange and Magath, Annie and Armin's reunion and others.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HOW EASILY THE ALLIANCES WERE FORMED? 1,474 responses

A mere 17.5% enjoyed how easily the alliances were formed. The majority (43%) called it “OK” while a more than a third of the fandom (36.2%) hated it. Some folks seem to indicate it was expected and just needed to happen quickly so the story could move along. However, the amount of people who hated it was too large to ignore; and largely for similar reasons, that it appeared too easy. Maybe the mistrust and emotion will come as the story moves along? Some of your responses indicate trouble ahead, if not behind.

Also Hanji sides too many times with "benefactors". I'm expecting the alliance to be shaky, with probably backstabbings and double-crossings. They seemed to make an agreement over killing Zeke (since no side likes him), and I doubt characters like Mikasa, Armin or Jean would be ok with killing Eren.

I don't get all the madness over the alliance, It was obvious it would happen. Also it's obvious all the things glossed this chapter will be shown in Flashback if important, like what lead Annie join them, on how Hanji contacted Jean (although i think a lot of people didn't notice the shadow in the window on that panel of Jean in the bed).

It was warm and fuzzy and I really needed that, but the actual details of the new alliance will absolutely need to be expounded upon soon.

it wouldve been better if connie's mom plot didn't exist we could've got a better build up to the alliance

Overall, things were way too rushed, as if Isayama just wanted to get to the last page. I'm expecting to see how this alliance was made in flashback form, as is typical for Isayama, but that won't fix the inherent issues of this specific chapter.

Hange getting so along with Pieck, who fought against them when Erwin was killed, was a complete joke.

I don't get all the madness over the alliance, It's was obvious it would happen. Also it's obvious all the things glossed this chapter will be shown in Flashback if important, like what lead Annie join them, on how Hanji contacted Jean (although i think a lot of people didn't noticed the shadow in the window on that panel of Jean in the bed).

I love seeing them all but oh heckin it was just a little too fast

WHICH THROWBACK DID YOU ENJOY MOST CHAPTER? 1,465 responses

“Jean remembering Marco” (31.9%) narrowly edged out “Annie kicking Reiner”(30.3%) as our favorite throwback. Levi remembering his promise was a distant third (16.2%).

That Marco’s throwback really hit me . *SOB*

I didn't like the Erwin reference when Armin tried to sacrafice himself for connies mother, instead of falco being eaten.

Armin recognized a very important thing to himself (he can't stay trying to Erwin, he suck on that, he needs to do what he is good on it, but as his own person and not shadow of Erwin)

Where was Jean at the end there? I want him to confront Annie over Marco. Poor guy had the worst death in the series. He was murder in cold blood and then it got covered up. Plus, the only person trying to solve the mystery is Jean. Bless Jean he is such a good friend

It makes sense that Connie would say that to Reiner of all people (that line come back to his childhood trauma). Fandom freaking out and fearing a cheesy happy ending is ridiculous.

I didn’t think it was cheesy at all. It circles back to Reiner’s declaration to Keith back during the training arc.

I'm kinda sick of Reiner's Kick The Dog treatment too. I know Annie hates him but still...

REGARDING HOW THE AVENGER'S MISSION AND THE ENDING WILL GO, WHICH OF THESE IS PREFERABLE/ACCEPTABLE TO YOU? 1,465 responses

Fans proving as ever, that they are a divisive bunch! However, it's clear that the smallest amount of responses favour the rumbling being stopped and world peace occuring (hippies!). Some responses indicate that this chapter made them nervous for the ending being overly optimistic, even with Eren as the apparent antagonist. Endings where Eren achieves an extreme form of Brexit (Paradexit?) with a victory over the armies of the world have a fairly even spread of positive responses, proving that he still has a lot of fans on his side. However, most of you responded in the vague sense of feeling like Isayama knows best and at this point, just seeing where this wild ride takes us.

I keep seeing this popular prediction on almost every platform: Eren destroys the world outside Paradise, goes back to Historia and her newborn kid (in this sort of prediction it is always assumed that he's the father), tells his kid (who is also thought to be reborn Ymir) "you're free" and goes on to be a good dad - End of story. Honestly the thought of this type of ending pisses me off so much. Not only because its reeks of typical shonen ending, but because it goes against all the themes and ideas that Isayama has written into the story over the years.

I would not be upset with a 'golden' ending. Some part of me wants that to happen.

It setup the shonen cliche route and can ruin the ending

It was very unusual for this manga. I hope that the author will come to the most logical ending and will not use the power of friendship.

Least exciting chapter I can remember; it has me apprehensive about the ending.

I hope Eren's conclusion will end with him winning, however I do not him accepting his morality and to be shocked at what he's done but to come to terms with what he's done.

While I'm more supportive of Eren, I'm fine with whichever side comes out on top of this as long as it doesn't involve Eren being stopped through Power of Friendship or Talk no Jutsu. That would feel too cheap.

WHICH RALLYING CRY DID YOU PREFER? 1,445 responses

While the Ragako subplot wasn’t exactly loved, Connie’s rallying cry was the fandom favorite (28.4%). Hange’s plea to Magath was a close second (26%) while Floch’s message of freedom was third (25%).

AT THIS POINT, AROUND WHICH CHAPTER DO YOU EXPECT THE MANGA WILL CONCLUDE? 1,472 responses

The pacing of this chapter and the way its implications relate to the entire manga was, if I may be so bold, one of the more talked about meta points this month, from what I’ve seen. Maybe that was the thought process behind this question. I don’t know. I didn’t write this one either. That’s a good thought process though.

Anyway, a borderline overwhelming majority of you said that the manga will end around Chapter 134 (48.4% of you). The next most common answer was Chapter 138, which would give us 12 more chapters. Chapter 130 got the least amount of votes, at 7.3%. The remaining votes went to Chapter 142+, and I appreciate that optimism, because I for one hate thinking about this question.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,475 responses

“Historia when?” (26%) tops the list followed by the long awaited Eren POV (23.5%). “Details on things glossed over this chapter” was the third pick (22.7%) followed by “Zeke, Eren and OG Ymir” (11.6%).

I can't wait to see Zeke's reaction at seeing Levi AGAIN ready to fuck him up.

Historia when?? Also, Hange needs a hug, Levi needs sleep, Armin and Annie need to talk, Falco needs to deal with his brother's death some more, and we all need Erwin to come back :(

I hope we get flashbacks to explain all this off screen development.

Isayama please for the love of god remember that Historia exists.

Where is HISTORIA

where is zeke?

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,401 responses

Reddit continues to dominate this question, pulling 44.9% of the vote. “I don’t” actually takes second place this month, with Tumblr coming next, followed very closely by Twitter, which is in turn followed closely by Discord. In descending order from there, we have real life, 4chan, Youtube, a two-way tie between Instagram and Facebook, and everything else has less than 10 votes.

Before I move on though, it’s absolutely critical that I draw your attention to last month’s poll. Last month, I said, and I quote,

“Lastly, something ominous is going on in the Snapchat cult, because there were only two of you this month, down from five last month. That’s still enough to reproduce though and it makes me uneasy.“

“Why are you bringing that up?” you may be asking yourself. I’m bringing it up because Snapchat got SIX votes this time. “Why does that matter?” you ask yourself next. I’m glad you asked. That’s a 300% increase. If that rate continues, in just five month’s time, there will be more members of the Snapchat cult than the rest of you COMBINED.

That’s not to say anything more than it says, but I should add that I was totally vindicated on the Snapchat cult reproduction theory. Having done the math, you guys DEFINITELY scare me more than the people who liked “Pieck Finger”.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER? 375 responses

Remember kids, the world is currently supposed to be ending

I know most people hated how rushed it felt, but honestly, I'm glad this wasn't split into 2 months. This leaves more time for the conclusion, and would much rather the alliances be rushed rather than the ending.

While it's certainly sad that Louise may not be long for this world, I also don't think Mikasa owes her anything. Mikasa seems to see a lot of traits she dislikes about herself cranked up to 11 in Louise, and I think it's understandable to need to distance oneself from toxic ideas or people. Mikasa and Louise were never friends, they never really knew each other, and never really cared about each other. Sure, Louise idolized an idea of Mikasa, but she put herself as separate from the real Mikasa, lesser. These two strangers never had a real chance to truly know each other, and that's okay, sad but okay.

While the panel of Annie with a face stuffed with pie is a gem, I think it seemed almost too good a coincidence. Both parties (Armin, Connie and the kids and Hitch & Annie) happen to be taking a break from their travels at the same time in the same city at the same festival. Seemed a bit too lucky.

Isayama has a bias against the yeagerists too. Portraying them as mindless dumbasses that are evil for no reason. Look at Floch everytime he has a moment it gets cut short for a "oh look at this dumbass" type of conclusion like him missing the shot at Shadis and getting duped by Jean and the 104th.

my dumb shipper’s heart wants Pieck’s reaction to Porco’s death.

this chapter felt too 'super hero movie' to me, in the sense that it was way too optimistic and cheesy, nothing like the Attack on Titan I know and love. Isayama's been watching too much Marvel.

A rushed chapter, Isayama may have messed up some timelines (e.g. Louise's talk with Eren, the changes in day and night), maybe Isayama was too focused on SAUNA SAUNA SAUNA when he was drawing the chapter but anyway, if the chapter was rushed because he wants to move to next plots (eee....east...eeeek...Ki....), I'm fine with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chapter Would've been terrific if it weren't for the rushed forced alliance. Mikasa's character also seemed out of place this chapter.

is not a bad chapter but at the same time is not a godly chapter like others but i have faith on isayama that he will blow our minds

Felt very disappointed and it is as if this story is moving to black and white territory again.

Good fast development, optimistic that what was glossed over will be addressed. A bit antsy that this is a setup for some tragedy but I don’t expect total senseless ruin for the characters.

I don't really see where all the complaints are coming from, to me the chapter must be one of my all time favorites ever since I've started reading the manga at the regular monthly pace. I think the build up and the tension have been steadily increasing slowly enough up to this point, and now we've finally reached the top of the roller coaster tracks, and it's time for the ride to the conclusion. I loved the mysterious plan, it reminds me of the uprising arc (ah the good old times).

I hope the author just got a bit lost and had to put things back on track quickly. I want to feel for these characters, not find out that I followed their struggles for chapters to see them dissolve for the sake of the plot.

Eren has suffered a lot over the years and a lot of things have been TAKEN from him - but do you remember "In order to achieve something, you have to give up something important"? I don't think Eren has ever GIVEN up something of his. He's always been a little maniac intent on killing the enemy (which is what he is doing right now). There have been so many characters in the story that have given up their dreams and finally their lives, why is Eren the one that gets to have his cake and eat it too?

I love it cause we need some time of just relax and be happy before the sad ending

I’m hoping the next chapter will make this one better by fleshing things out. Also seeing Annie and Reiner reunite made me deeply miss Bertolt this month.

JE VEUX PAS QUE CE MANGA FINISSE OMG

Reiner getting kicked in the face to wake up and understanding nothing is all of us

The more things don't seem to add up, the more you have to pay attention, that's what I learnt reading this series. And a whole lot didn't seem to add up in this chapter so I'm super hyped!

This is easily one of the weakest chapters Isayama has ever written. After creating all of these subplots that we were expecting to go somewhere and hold emotional weight for the characters were written off into cheap one-liners, off screen reactions and discussion, and just overall completely weak subplots that left us with no emotional payoff.

Boii I'm glad the development on the characters matters only when its relevant to the plot, I almost forget that I used to like them. If Reiner of all people doesn't point out how creepy and disgusting it all is I don't know what to say, what a waste of time of a series.

Connie mentioning Sasha made me cry! Actually makes me wish Eren pulls some time travel shit so that we can have our girl back.

Can I just say I find it funny, and I really love Pieck regardless, it is just a last name after all.

Good, but the former-enemy to friendly-pie-eating turnover rate was wayyyyy too fast!

I thought this chapter was it for Connie, who has been one of my favorites since the beginning. It was a bit sudden but I'm glad him not feeding Falco to his mom is Canon AND that it strengthened his bond with Armin.

It feels like none of the Jeagerists really see clearly what the situation is, or at least don't have an ounce of understanding or sympathy why everyone else is scared and freaked out by what has happened. That in turn makes it harder for non-Jeagerists to act with sympathy, what a vicious cycle.

What bothers me the most is not the way Mikasa interacted with Louise, but the fact that she wanted the scarf back. On a symbolic level, she left it behind a few chapters ago, which meant that she no longer put Eren first and started thinking about herself. She recognized that her bond with Eren was severed. So why take that scarf back now, when it's not supposed to have that much importance anymore?

I can see either the next chapter or the one after showing a flashback of Jean, Armin, and Mikasa discussing that plan. Cutting some parts of a scene and showing it in the following chapter or two is usually an Isayama thing to do.

I don't know why everyone's expecting every single piece of exposition to be laid out for them like meeting minutes. This isn't the first time we've understood what's been going on behind the scenes after the fact.

At the start Connie struggles to hold his emotions, and suddenly he's a hero, cheesy and cliche

Excuse me but can we stop making Gabi involved in everything? Shes so OP at this point

I loved the mockery of the cliche superhero assemble bullshit

STARDUST CRUSADERS

The cringe made me develop a permanent seizure. Also both my eyeballs are still stuck in the back of my head because of the excessive force I used trying to roll my eyes.

The team-up should have been given more time to develop. It wasn’t all bad though.

X-Men on their way to stop Magneto (Eren)

The problem does not lie so much in the pace as in the script tension, which Isayama killed a little in this chapter but intentionally I think. I mean the guys are literally sleeping and eating like it was a party during the freaking end of the world, do you really think he would have let such a thing slip out of clumsiness?

I'm pretty sure that Levi will have the role of "Helos", and Hange his 'Tybur' collaborator, because she's holding a hammer like the guy/girl next to Helos during the play (ch99).

Not the usual quality.

8/10. I liked annie's reunion the best, but wish that hitch had more characterization and wasn't written out so quickly. Ragako subplot was fine but predictable. Louise subplot kinda boring. Avengers assemble at the end was very anime and I liked it.

A peaceful chapter before the storm

A thought: What if Ackermans are the only ones able to actually kill off the Nine Titans? We know they’re byproducts of titan science, maybe they were created to annihilate them? That’d be devastating to see Levi or Mikasa kill Eren and Armin. I’d love it. 😂

Annie is the best girl

Anyone pretending this chapter wasn't utter shit is in hardcore denial.

Did not like the assemble. Nobody can forget what happened in the recent past of Paradis and what the warriors did. But have hope in Isayama

Do Gabi and Falco know that Armin is the Collosal Titan? I thought Connie might let that slip to them and it might create tension between Gabi and Armin but.... No. Everything about that subplot was insanely rushed, there were a lot of ways it could have played out.

Aforementioned last page quote that is so unlike SnK up to this point. Cringey and straight out of an Avengers movie, I can't believe there are people who actually like this development.

I hope Isayama isn't overworking and rushing himself to finish the manga just for the sake of finishing it this year, but I still believe he will finish SnK in a satisfactory manner that will be memorable for decades. However, this chapter as well as 125 were very disappointing and lowered my expectations considering how good the entire final arc had been up to this point.

Errrwiiiiiiiinnnn!!!!!

game of thrones level of trash, i hope for god that the aot ending isn't as bad as final season game of thrones

I didn’t like the Ragako subplot, but I did like Connie saving Armin and their heart-to/heart afterwards.

I don’t think the chapter was rushed. Glad to see Armin finally doing SOMETHING, and I hope it was more a gamble than him wanting to die. Hange’s monologue was so out of character, everyone knows Hange would never want to live in the woods, yet it looks like Hange always gets discouraged and needs encouragement from somebody else. Seriously, that’s not the Hange we all know. Where’s the ‘defeat is all the Survey Corps ever knew, let’s kick asses!!’ Hange?? that interaction with Pieck brought some of it back thankfully

I don’t understand why everyone is complaining lol

I enjoyed how quickly it moved. We’ve been down in the doldrums since December, so I’m glad to see the characters & the pace picking back up again.

I hate how quickly Hanji becomes depressed. Armin, Jean - they overcame their doubts by themselves. Yet Hanji always needs someone else to tell them to stop being ridiculous. It’s like Levi is babysitting Hanji :/ I miss good, old, badass Hanji

I miss hitch already

I noticed that the way Floch gesticulates during his speech was very reminiscent of how Hitler gave his speeches

I really like Hanji and Levi’s friendship and how Levi always knows what to say to encourage his friends but can we please stop with Hanji being so emotionally weak? I love Hanji, but c’mon- Levi was seriously injured and still needs to treat Hanji like she’s a wounded kid. Jean came to his senses on his own, same for Armin and Mikasa. All they needed was to remember people who died, did Hanji not lose enough comrades to find her strength from? Hanji is one of two veterans left and the commander(!), it really hurts to see her so pathetic, that was hard to read. Glad she looks more like old Hanji at the end of the chapter

I wanted more Annie and Hitch adventures and feel deprived.

i wish there was more to the reunion of Annie & co, but whatever, let’s just move on with this plot.

I'm in the minority here, but I actually liked the chapter. Sure the pacing was a bit off, but this may be because we're getting a detailed explanation for it in an upcoming chapter. Other than that I find it somewhat amusing that so many people that a team-up wasn't happening. Like there was so much goddamned FORESHADOWING about it. Plus the fact that Isayama basically flat-out admitted that he was going to create a team-up a-la Guardians of the Galaxy. I'm not expecting roses and fluffiness at the end of the road, I see a lot of people dying. And I still don't know who's gonna be the victor at the end. It just seemed really clear to me where these character arcs were/are heading. I still have faith in Yams. He hasn't disappointed me yet, so let's just see what he has in store for us.

It feels like Isayama is rushing to finish it off just like Kishimoto did with Naruto Shippuuden and that makes me very sad. I'm worried he'll destroy everything he did until now.

It felt incredibly unrealistic. What I have appreciated most about SnK is its narrative integrity and ability to produce results proportional to the protagonists' abilities. Currently, this feels rather forced. When did they come up with these plans? How could they possibly have alerted Jean ahead of time without anything being shown? It feels like a cheat. Also, I don't like that its just them going after Eren. Realistically, in SnK, a small group of characters, even with their level of power, shouldn't consider going after him how they have. If anything they need to face reality and prepare for the world to come after the rumbling, since if I think anybody in their position would think it is utterly impossible to stop it.

It was warm and fuzzy and I really needed that, but the actual details of the new alliance will absolutely need to be expounded upon soon.

It was...fine.

It wasn’t so bad, the hate is really annoying.

It's clear SNK is ending soon so before we see Eren and what else is going on with the rumbling Hisayama wants to close plots with other characters BUT IMO the price of this is giving us less hyped chapters since the walls broke and we still have to see the new Eren titan form…

Just to clarify, "Which throwback did you enjoy most chapter" is intended to be an English sentence, yes? Quality work here as usual, tumblr/reddit big-shots. I hope no one lets you guys near an actual workplace where what you do matters. (A/N: Well you didn't capitalise Tumblr or Reddit so who is the real villain here?)

Let Levi kill that ape. Please. He’s gone through so much and lost everything. Give him just this one little thing

Let's say we generally agreed that this chapter is bad.

Not nearly as bad as people say it was like Jesus heck calm down. I mostly feel bad for isayama tbh he’s probably being pressured to wrap it up and he’s not usually one to not give moments like this chapter proper time.

It's hard to say why Isayama decided to wrap up things fairly quickly, whether he has later flashbacks planned or whether he was overwhelmed with time pressure/suffered a writer's block of whatever. I think, in the end, if the rest of the story wraps up strong, it doesn't matter much.

I'm happy with what happened in this chapter, except the fact that it was rushed and Levi's plot armor, I mean Ackermann blood. He should have lost at least a leg...

The only solace I take in all of this is that the plot can finally move forward. This has been an entire volume of seemingly pointless side quests and I'm ready to focus again on the main story. Frankly, I'm exhausted. I just want answers and I want to know how the story finds resolution.

We had several excellent chapters recently, a subpar one is understandable. Hopefully the Anime will expand on it a bit

#snk poll #snk polls #snk 126 #snk chapter 126 #snk poll results

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