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plush-rabbit · 3 years

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It’s Not Fair

Warnings: Monster, Double Penetration, Degradation (fem!reader x levi)

Word Count: 2.6K

A/N: It’s his birthday and I want that good ol’ monster loving (also since it’s monster!levi, he doesnt keep the entire aspects of him, but it’ll be described!! Kinda similar to an overhaul monster one I did if youve seen that one) (also i went with fem because there was no gender specified but if youd like for a male, ill be happy to change the pronouns and everything else)

Leviathan is many things. He considers himself all his flaws first- all the horrible envy that makes his mouth fill with acid, the horrible anger that aches deep in his bones, the narrowed eyes that will sharpen into something more than just a man complaining how it isn’t fair. A man with slender hands that grow jagged and sharp, littered with scales that seem so impenetrable but has scratches from long ago etched deep into the dark scales. Leviathan is envy, eyes that fill with tears from some deep emotion, a sin so vile it has torn people apart, has lead to murder and everything worse than death.

He is someone who, at first glance, no one would fear. He is nothing more than an otaku. But he is everything more than just that. He is a sea serpent, something so monstrous in size that you can feel something worse than fear touch at your body. He is a leader. When he was holy and untouchable, he commanded angels, and now he is a Grand Admiral of The Hell’s Navy. he is someone to be feared.

And yet, when in something more sharp than his usual form, fear is muddled between a different emotion. You suspect you can blame another particular brother for this sudden arousal at seeing Leviathan stand tall, teeth sharp and glinting under the fluorescent light of an office. His tongue peeks out and wets his lips and you aren't surprised at the forked muscle that peeks out, shining in thick saliva, split and eyes that shine with something that you’ve only seen a few times.

He calls your name and you can feel your cunt clench, arousal already seeping past your warm folds. His nostrils flare and his hands clench- you realize with a hitch of your breath that they are clawed, his usually dark painted nails are extended. “I can smell you from here.” A shiver runs through your body and bumps prick your skin. “You can leave.” You smile softly that he still gives you a choice. He is a monster filled with something sweet.

“I don’t want to.” You step forward and can feel the slick drip to your underwear. “It’s your birthday, right?” He gives you a curt nod. “Well,” you whisper, your breath hot and mind slowly clouded over by lust, “happy birthday.”

The objects on his desk are pushed and scattered onto the floor. The metal objects clang painfully onto the ground, the papers rip and tear with just a meet of his claws and there’s a thin, clean line of where his hand waved across the desk.

It happens so fast, so quick that you’re left bare on his desk. Your back against the cold wood, clothes scattered and you can only stare up at the demon above you. Horns spiraling into the air, taininted in something that smells like the ocean. Your legs are spread, cunt aching and pulsing as your arousal seeps past your entrance, coating you in a thin, sticky fluid. If not for the lust that fuels your body more than your mind, you would have worried that someone would walk in.

His tongue is circling around you, thick and ridged at the sides, pushing past your leaking sex, and filling you with something pronounced that makes your body go stiff. Long and slimy, you are able to feel the saliva that drips from mouth latch onto his chin, his face pressed close to your sex, nose bumping against your clitorisis, in a teasing motion. The thick muscle is deep inside of you, filling your soft, gummy walls. The slit muscle rubs against everything so well, pushing past the aching walls, touching against your cervix. You squirm, a hand grabbing at your chest, pinching a budding nipple between your fingers harshly that you wince. The other hand goes to grab at his horn, the coral-like bone that pierced through him when he fell from grace. You hold the horn tight in your hands, the scattered pieces that push outwards dig into your palm and he groans against your sex. Something wet and warm slicks at your hand and you gasp sharply, closing your lips and whimpering behind your clenched teeth. It aches and the heat that coils inside of you, the pushing mass of muscle that makes you spill in arousal and spit slides down your cunt and pools onto the desk.

You whisper his name, using the horn to pull him close to you. “Leviathan,” you hiss, your legs kicking upwards in the air in an intense aching sensation. “‘S too much,” you whine. You rub your cunt against his face, a lewd moan escaping past your lips and your lower half clenches.

He pulls his tongue out quickly and your body jumps in the air at the sudden loss of fullness. He stands tall, body slowly creeping with scales, his tail out and it’s longer than it usually is- thicker and laying heavily on the floor. His hand holds you roughly by the face, the points of his nail touching at your skin and your face is squished, the fat of your cheeks providing little comfort from the rough touch of the third eldest. Your lips are puckered and your face is burning with a release that was stolen from you.

“You’re going to take everything I give you,” he hisses, chin wet with your arousal. “Do you understand me? You’re going to be a good, little slut and spread those legs for me. I’m going to fuck you until I’m spent.” His words are becoming darker, something you rarely hear from him and he holds you tight by the face. “I’m going to fuck you, do you understand?” Your cunt throbs for him and arousal shoots to your core, wanting to have him claim what is his. “I said-” his nails dig further into you and you make a noise of pain- “do you understand?”

You nod to your best ability. “Yes, sir.” Your words are slurred together, the ‘s’ a shushing noise that makes him smile in a cruel way.

Leviathan is a shut-in but he is still the third eldest brother. He is imposing, serpent-like and pushing you down. You stare up at the ceiling, the room illuminated by bright, white light that makes you close your eyes. You can feel his hands paw at your body, grabbing and touching at your exposed skin. You shiver under his cold hands that grip at your breasts, palming at your hardened nipples. He roams your body as if he owned it, letting his touch linger and fingers play along your tender self.

Your entrance leaks with heavy arousal that slides past your folds. You can feel something hard press against your thigh, jerking in motion, the hard feeling separating and something sticky spreading itself against your thigh.

“Both?” You ask in a breathless voice, swallowing the thickness in your throat. “I- I don’t-”

“I know you can.” He leans close to your face, breath hot as he nuzzles against your neck. Your pulse speeds in pace, blood pumping in your ears. Your heart beats against your chest, echoing loudly, the pulse point in your throbbing where his lips press against you, puckered softly in a lasting kiss. “You’re going to be the good girl I know you are and you’re going to take both of them so well for me.” he pulls away and he looks down at you, lips turned into a soft smile, the innocence of it ruined by the vulgar look on his face.

You lie on the wooden desk, lowered and pressed flat against it. He looms above you, a swarm of butterflies that flutter in your stomach in an angry storm. The heat inside of your body rises, fueled by lust and fear, the serpent rises above you, his tongue spilling out, curling at tip. It’s drenched in spit, gossamer strands that connect it between the two split ends. His hand covers your face entirely, fingers sliding into your hair and scratching at your scalp as he tugs on the hair. Your neck aches, head turned to the side, as his cocks stretch your aching holes. It’s a pain that blinds you, that makes you scream in his name in broken cry, grabbing at the arm and scratching your nails down the scaled covered limb. You whine and buck your hips and he shushes you, his tail wrapping around your throat, lifting your head and sliding underneath your neck. The tail, scaled and dry slides down your spine, curving your body into a soft arch and the comfort of the desk leaves you. You are lifted into the air, his cocks inside of you. The swirled tips pushed inside and rubbing inside of you in a spiral that makes your mouth open and have a drool pool in your mouth.

His hands, clawed and scaled, large and heavy cradle your smaller body. Holding you above the floor as an offering to himself as he pushes himself deeper into your body. His tail tightens and the tip of it slides it’s way onto your torso, the scales kissing his bent knuckles, the tip of it sliding to your jaw and entering your mouth.

Leviathan howls in pleasure, pressed close to you, a cock inside of you jerking sporadically, until you can feel thick ropes of semen drip out of your body. The loud clicking noises that fill the room echoes in your ears. He grunts and pants, spit dripping from his mouth and onto your stretched stomach.

“I’m gonna fill your cunt,” he breathes out, eyes drenched in hunger and want. “I’m gonna release my load into your cunt. You’re gonna be nothing more than a cumdumpster for some fucking nerd.” He laughs wildly, teeth sharp and eyes crazed. “But that’s what you want, huh?” You cunt aches and he moves so quick and determined to find his own high that you can’t do much but be used a sex toy for him. “You should see your dumb, little face-” he sticks his cock deep inside of you, the both of them erected despite one of them spilling inside of you- “all fucked out.” He breathes sharply and pushes his tail deeper into your mouth until you gag around it, tears pricking at your eyes and body going rigid.

Your sex wraps around him tightly, the two cocks in your cunt stretching your rim past what you’re used to. It aches, pleasurable and painful all at once, a kiss by the serpent himself, something that bites and digs its fangs deep into you. His touch is addictive, unholy, a wickedness that spread across you as the monster claims you as his own- as Leviathan holds onto you with hands that are unrelenting. His tail is deep in your mouth, your moans muffled by the appendage in your mouth, singing to him, only to be quieted.

He’s unforgiving in his pace, taking his brother’s sin and using you for his own selfish desires, taking the warm, soft walls that wrap around his cock so nicely, using you as a personal toy as you arch below him, drool spilling from the corners of your mouth, and dripping past your jaw. You are a mess. You are a mess because of him, mind slipping with only pleasure and the ache in your lower stomach piling over The coils burn hot, your body aching for an inch of release given to you by the demon who holds you with large, clawed hands that scratch at your skin. He can feel your approaching release, your eyes that water and stare at the ceiling above. You are curved on him, a fallen angel that is tainted by Envy.

Your teeth are a small pressure against his scales, nothing in comparison to what he has felt before but all in the same, it’s lovely, a pressure so welcomed, so new and loved, that, he holds you close. He slips his tail out and curls it around your body, kisses at your neck and moans your name when you’re pressed against his chest.

Wet, gummy walls tighten around him, pulling him close and you moan his name, clawing at his skin, your nails nothing more than a simple itch as you release against him. You moan and cry, blubber his name on your tongue while you spasm around his cock, calling for him to never stop. He releases inside of you, flooding out immediately, so desperate to bite into your shoulder, but fearing the blood that will seep into his mouth and stain his being in something greater than sin. He holds you close and feels the thick cream slide out of you.

He’s gentle when laying you back down, slipping his cocks out of your abused bunt that he stares at with growing shame. He has ruined you, corrupted you with Envy- with himself. He kisses your navel, your sex a strong scent. You lay on the desk, thick discharge spilling your core, mixed with your own sweeter one. You close your eyes, trying to will yourself to stand and collect the clothes that were torn from your body.

You can hear a soft curse and hands dance over your body in a frantic motion, fluttering around your heated body and pushing your legs. You whimper at the touch, furrowing your brows and relaxing once you return to your original position. A warm touch replaces the empty feeling in your body and you are pulled close, leaning your forehead against a chest. You can feel your body wrapped around something warm, something scented of the ocean and summer love.

Leviathan is many things. He is a man who enjoys anime, who collects figures and any other type of merch available. He is someone who collects and loves what he does. He knows who he is. He is an otaku. He is someone who brings you to his room to lie on a worn futon that acts as a bed for when you spend the night. Leviathan is someone who cries at the climax of a show and holds you hand tight. Someone who loves to talk about his interests and hear you talk. Leviathan is sin, something so grotesque and magnificent that you can’t help but become speechless when he sits beside you. Someone with fair skin, eyes like a forming sunset that shine with something that you can’t describe. Someone with teeth so sharp that a simple press pierces through your delicate skin and lets your blood prick at your body. He is everything that should be hated, everything so beautiful and lovely that you can’t help but feel an envy when he approaches another.

Leviathan carries you, covering you in a thick jacket, your hands clenching feebly at the shirt that he wears, now crinkled. He holds you close to him, looks ahead and refuses to meet the eyes of the ground that he’s grown so accustomed to over the past years. He holds you close in his arms, pushing you towards his chest. His hands cradle your weakened body and he stops. You look up at him through tired eyes, lids heavy with exhaustion. Above you, he looks at you with a worried face, worry biting at his lips and the light that glows behind him creates a halo around his head, the light illuminating the purple into something so much more. His lips kiss at your forehead, a confession that he will never be able to say out loud, never a true confession, but always something so close to it. Envious of all that you are able to give him and something that he cannot provide back to you, he kisses your skin.

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wh6res · 4 years

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spectator | jeno

"don't cry, little dove. i'm not even done yet." — ljn

TW mafia au, blood, violence, mentions of prostitution and brothels, mentions of past torture, extreme power imbalance, dumbification, they used a tranquilizer

A/N first half is told in renjun's pov also this is for dino anon hehe thank u for the inspo babes!!

DISC i don't condone anything. this isn't love.

WC 1.4k

renjun was fairly new to the mafia but it didn't take him long to realize the outrageous things they considered are the norms here. one of the first things he noticed is a cute little bunny dressed in scraps that always seemed to tail jeno wherever he went. jeno was his superior, albeit they were the same age, so it sucked that renjun had to use honorifics.

oftentimes he ignores you when jeno stands before him giving orders, or when they pass by each other in the hallways and stop to exchange pleasantries.

as renjun quickly climbed the ranks thanks to his agility and cunning mind, you, unfortunately, remained in the same position—always sitting by jeno's feet like a puppy, a body, a plaything, a whore. there were rumors that the boss gave his executives a chance to pick from the litters before they're shipped off to brothels, kind of like peace offerings in exchange for their compliance.

people said the stoic, muscular young man never really indulged himself in such temporary matters. until probably two years ago, until jeno first laid his eyes on you and decided then and there you were too pretty to become a random whore in the chain of brothels the mafia owned. the petite boy believes maybe it's a disguised blessing on your part, at least you'd only have to deal with one man every night, right?

renjun can only look at you from afar, keeping in mind not to stare too openly nor too intrusively that your owner notices. he's seen the bruises. the purple and black patches of your skin and renjun never gets used to it. his stomach turning at the idea of jeno deliberately marking your skin where the oversized shirt you wear won't be able to cover. the chinese immigrant would be stupid not to notice what that meant—it's jeno's clear sign of dominance, of the severe power imbalance, and not a single man in this building can stop him from doing whatever he wants to you.

renjun managed to piece things together thanks to his naturally observant nature. jeno never punished you for what you did, he punished you because he knows he can't touch his subordinates for something measly such as bumping or staring at his whore. the young mafia executive decides to take it out on you instead, albeit the flawed logic and unfairness of it all—proof that every person in this criminal organization is fucked up in the head.

despite jeno's maltreatment, renjun never heard a single complaint from you nor can he detect a feeling of rebellion out of you. you were so eerily compliant that the chinese can't help but think of what other horrible means jeno did for you to become so broken. renjun tried thinking about it, once, but never again. he can be cruel if he wants to be, but not without purpose. not because he gets a kick out of seeing a face twisted in terror. he wasn't like jeno, who smiled and laghed after blowing someone's brain up in the mafia's torture rooms.

this is why jeno is the only man fit for the job, the reason he became an executive at such a young age—there's no man he can't break for information. renjun doesn't know what jeno does to the poor people in the torture rooms but the piercing screams are enough to decide never to go against his superior.

renjun never thought he'll live the day to hear your screams coming from one of those rooms.

"what?" he does a double-take, eyes wide and unbelieving. "what do you mean she's in there? that's her, right now?"

haechan shrugs, wincing when he hears another scream coming from inside the room. he'll never know why these rooms aren't soundproof, maybe it was a way for jeno to keep his subordinates in line—"hear that? just be grateful that's not you."—you wouldn't want to cross a man who has no moral compass. "yeah. i heard she tried to escape."

renjun doesn't like the cool, amused smirk on haechan's face as he leaned back against the door, looking like everything is okay when it's not. "heard she got like… what, ten feet? give or take—yeah, i think ten feet out the door before jaemin's men tranqed her so much she would have slept for a week."

it was easy for renjun to detach himself, disregard his own set of beliefs and sweep them all under the pretense of "it's just work, nothing personal" but with you, it felt different. he knows you. well, knows of you. it's different, personal even, when he can match a face to those gruesome, ear-shattering screams that wracked through his bones.

he wanted to help you.

renjun wanted to help you.

but no, he didn't want to get shot in the head for insubordination.

jeno manually props you against the wall, cringing at the trail of blood that stains the tiles and pools underneath you. your shirt—rather, jeno's—was soaked through with the crimson liquid, your hair sticking to the side of your head. it feels like you were burning from the inside with every breath you take.

maybe months, years, of compliance made you forgetful. after all, jeno is a man of his word, through and through. he can only threaten you so much until he snaps. maybe he deemed the swift punishments and his harsh words insufficient. but who were you kidding? with the stunt you pulled… fuck, why did you even think of making a run for it? you should've known you won't even make it across the street! stupid. stupid. stupid.

you swore never to make him angry enough to bring you back down here in the torture chambers—this is his domain, and you shivered in fear with every fleeting thought you have about what he does behind those cement walls.

the first time jeno took you down here had been granted by the boss himself (see, the man running the mafia has favorites). jeno's men held you by the arms and made you watch as he killed a poor guy with his bare hands. slowly, excruciatingly, bleeding out because of the wounds jeno inflicted with his fists alone.

the second time was because of your first escape attempt. ah, you had been so energetic back then. always talking back, snarling and cursing him out. after that second time, you've become more compliant and have thoroughly embodied whatever sick fantasy jeno had of you. his broken doll, unseeing, unthinking, who breathes and lives only because he wanted her to.

you've heard him countless times say how much he missed that energetic personality you had. but only because you knew at least then he'd think the cruel punishments are justified.

oftentimes, he'll say it when you two are alone, in his room at headquarters, too disgustingly intimate like lovers and not a whore and her owner. his cold lips leavees a sweet trail on your neck, blood-stained hands soiling your skin underneath the dirty shirt, before finally slotting himself next to you as the cot creaks with the extra weight. he reeked of sweat and metallic and his eyes hazy from that post-bloodlust high.

jeno's boots squelch when he steps closer. never crouching, he wanted you to feel that severe power imbalance between the two of you.

"i won't ask you to apologize. not when i know you don't mean it."

you don't bother to reply. not because you don't want to but because you can't, voice utterly hoarse and scratchy from screaming while jeno breaks and tears you down as if he doesn't whisper the words i love you at night. you're his lover only when he needs you to be. sad, that he rarely felt the need of a lover and more so needed a cunny to fuck.

finally, he crouches. slow and never breaking eye contact. he raises a hand to push a strand of hair away from your face probably. you flinch. he doesn't care. "jeno, please don't touch me." but he touches you anyway.

you feel the callouses in his palms as he caresses your face. the calm before the storm. the deep inhale before the plunge. jeno grabs your chin and tilts your head up, a serene smile ghosting his lips. he looked at peace. satisfied. and you have never been more scared of him than you ever did in the last four years.

"don't cry, little dove. i'm not even done yet."

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seattlesea · 4 years

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Why Percabeth Isn’t a Good Ship (Sorry 2x)

I’m definitely getting cancelled-

1. Annabeth is physically abusive. The fandom makes this point seem controversial and debatable, but it’s really not. The definition of abuse is hitting someone. Annabeth hit Percy. Therefore, Annabeth abused Percy. Is that really that hard to understand? Annabeth hit Percy for the first time in The Titan’s Curse when she, Percy, and Thalia were looking for the di Angelo siblings. She punched him in the gut when he asked her who he should ask to dance with him. Annabeth knows that Percy can be oblivious at times...but punishes him when it benefits her? The second time was in The Mark of Athena, when she judo-flipped him because she missed him. That’s...what?? Usually when people are worried about someone else, they hug or kiss them, not flip them over their shoulder. And yes Annabeth kissed him first, but the judo-flip was completely unnecessary. Annabeth punished Percy for ‘leaving’ her despite him being kidnapped and his memory wiped. And everyone’s like ‘But Percy didn’t feel any pain!!11!!1!’ The chapter wasn’t in his point of view, so that claim is a guess. Just cause he didn’t say ‘Ow’ doesn’t mean he wasn’t in pain. Also- Annabeth slammed him on a stone pavement on his back. That definitely hurts, even if Percy is a demigod, physically strong, and has gotten hurt a lot. There’s a difference between ‘playful hitting’ and actually hurting someone. Yes they trained a lot, but this isn’t training. This is Annabeth punishing Percy for being traumatized with yet another life-threatening quest and being kidnapped. I don’t remember Percy judo-flipping Annabeth after he saw her again when she got kidnapped in TTC. Besides, the Romans were about to take out their weapons when they saw Annabeth attack Percy, so if all of them thought it was an attack...it was most likely an attack. Even Annabeth said herself “I only attack my boyfriend like that”. The thing is, if it was Percy who flipped Annabeth over his shoulder and slammed her on her back or punched her in the gut, all the fans immediately would’ve freaked out and cancelled him, calling him a horrible and abusive boyfriend, but because it’s the girl hitting the guy, it’s fine apparently. Nothing wrong with it, right? And then Riordan (and the fandom) had the audacity to romanticize that abuse. Abuse isn’t a sweet, romantic gesture. Stop making it seem like it is. That’s disgusting.

2. Annabeth is also verbally abusive and toxic. Annabeth canonically lowered Percy’s self-esteem, constantly insulted him and his intelligence despite knowing he was insecure about it and always getting kicked out of schools and getting bad grades (even with her so-called ‘endearing’ name for him ‘Seaweed Brain’), and the overall idea of Percabeth is a super smart, pretty girl making a guy with below average intelligence feel insecure about himself. Percy’s self-esteem has plummeted since he met Annabeth and her behavior is never called out or even noticed, which implies some manipulation going on. Annabeth is shown to be extremely capable of manipulating her enemies and anyone else she pleases, and there are quite a few signs she’s using it against Percy (his feelings of obligation, fear, and guilt of and over her, questioning himself, having strings attached, always only thinking of her and no one else in his life, etc.), especially since Percy begins to gradually stop noticing Annabeth’s wrong and toxic behavior as the story progresses.

3. Annabeth only likes Percy cause he’s the chosen one. Annabeth only hung around Percy since The Lightning Thief cause she thought he was ‘the one’ and so she could finally go on a quest. She literally used Percy to go out to the mortal world and ‘prove herself’ cause really, all she cares about is glory, which is shown multiple times throughout the series with all her pride and ambitions. Plus the fact that Chiron made Annabeth swear on the River Styx that she would keep Percy from danger is a pretty clear sign she didn’t stick around him just cause she wanted to, but because she felt obligated to and cause it would benefit her. Take all of this and it’s kind of obvious Annabeth only hung around Percy cause he was the chosen one of the prophecy, a son of one of the Big Three, and was destined to go on multiple quests and play a big part in the mythological world, which is what she always wanted since book one.

4. It was forced. Since the beginning of book one, it was so obvious that Percy and Annabeth were going to get together that their relationship ended up being boring, dull, and flat. Riordan made it so obvious they were going to be a couple that nothing that happened to their relationship really mattered, cause everyone knew it would work out in the end (which is probably why everyone *wrongly* hated on Rachel) so what happened in between didn’t matter. Their relationship was the typical ‘male lead and female lead’, ‘bad boy trouble-maker skater and nerdy good girl’ power couple that was way too clear. And Riordan made it worse by pushing their relationship and shoving it into the readers’ faces way too much. In MoA Annabeth states that she’s always had a crush on Percy (since they were twelve) which immediately rips all the development their relationship (which was supposedly ‘friends to lovers’, but not anymore) had away. Riordan made up a bunch of honestly dumb scenarios that were legit cringe to make Percabeth seem like ‘OTP’ that really didn’t make sense.

5. It ruined their characters. Percy and Annabeth would’ve been way better off as just friends. After they got together in HoO, all their personality and everything else that made them independent was destroyed to make room for more ‘Percabeth’. All of Annabeth’s skills, bravery, intelligence, pride, ferocity, judgmentalism, and all the other traits and flaws that made her a well-written character were never utilized or even mentioned. All she thought about was Percy, and the same goes for him. His loyalty, sarcasm, humor, obliviousness, etc. disappeared to make room for arrogant Annabeth fanboy. In PJO, they were amazingly well-written and great role models for younger readers (especially Annabeth), but in HoO their characters were exclusively ‘Annabeth’s boyfriend’ and ‘Percy’s girlfriend’. Their characters were completely dependent on each other, and they were way better off as just friends.

6. Annabeth is way too possessive. And creepy. It’s fine and honestly normal for people to get jealous when another person likes someone they do, but Annabeth’s jealousy was downright creepy. Not only did she not know if her feelings for Percy were reciprocated or not, but she also didn’t know if Percy and Rachel liked each other, either. The very first time she met Rachel she immediately hated her. That’s not ‘I’m jealous cause this girl likes the guy I do’, that’s ‘I’m jealous cause the guy I like has another female friend’. She had no reason to believe that Rachel and Percy liked each other and has no say in who they can like, either. She thought that she and Percy absolutely had to be in a relationship and that he couldn’t even have friends with different genitals than him. And remember when Annabeth literally stalked Percy in The Sea of Monsters? Like when she creeped by his window, constantly watched him, and kept tabs on him just cause she ‘couldn’t find the right time’ to tell him something cause he was ‘never alone’ despite him being alone multiple times and despite the fact that she literally could’ve just knocked on his door like a normal person instead of creeping around his cabin and staring at him through the windows? Again- switch the roles. If it was Percy who was stalking Annabeth, everyone would’ve immediately called him a creep. If- according to Tumblr and almost everyone who read Twilight- Edward is a creep for stalking Bella, then Annabeth is a creep for stalking Percy.

7. It’s mostly fan love. Honestly, the fandom is the only thing that fuels Percabeth. Riordan just destroys it. He shoved it down the readers’ throats, forced it way too much with really dumb and honestly unrealistic scenarios, and made it abusive and toxic. On its own, Percabeth freaking sucks. The fandom’s version of Percabeth is 1000x better than whatever the hell Riordan was doing, but even that version is toxic. Like, I’ve seen way too many jokes about Annabeth hitting Percy (as if abuse is hilarious and amazing meme fuel and not an extremely sensitive topic that triggers multiple people who actually went through it). Half the time, the fandom fixes Percabeth and the other half of the time they over-glorify and ruin it. The fandom over exaggerates and over glorifies it way too much. It’s not that great of a relationship, to be honest. Most of y’all only like it in the first place cause Riordan made it canon.

8. It was cringey. Like I said above, Riordan wrote some really dumb scenes for Percabeth. I mean- the matching gray streaks in their hair despite Atlas and Artemis not getting any? Percy’s tie to the mortal world while bathing in the River Styx being Annabeth and not his mom, Grover, etc.? Percy only remembering Annabeth, the girl he’s only known for four years and not his mom, the only woman who actually cared for and took care of him or Grover, his best friend who protected and continuously cared about him? Percy turning down immortality only for Annabeth and not even bothering to mention the pain of leaving behind his life, friends, family, memories, etc. behind if he accepted it? The romanticized judo-flip? The whole ‘dark-haired rebellious bad boy/nerdy blonde good girl who can be bad’ trope? Even the boring predictability of Percabeth is cringe.

9. It’s a bad influence on younger readers. Basically the lesson of Percabeth is ‘Once you get a love interest nothing else in your life matters’. Besides that one single scene that took like three lines in The Son of Neptune, Percy never even thought of his own mom, nor did he think about any of his friends or passed allies like his dad, Rachel, Grover, Paul, Silena, Luke, Ethan, Bob/Iapetus, Tyson, Calypso, Charles, Michael (whose death he accidentally caused), Bianca, Zoë, etc. Even when in Tartarus with the curse of the Arai being forced to remember all the people he forgot and feeling guilty about abandoning Bob and Calypso, all he thought about was Annabeth. Even when faced with the man who broke the heart of the girl who sacrificed herself for him, Percy didn’t even think of her, only his jealousy of Jason. Same thing with Annabeth. She never thought about her mom, Luke, Thalia, her step-mom or step-brothers, etc. It was all about Percy. Cause yes, Riordan, that’s exactly the lesson you should teach your younger readers- forget everyone you ever knew the moment you get a partner. Besides that, it also teaches readers that being rude to people who like the same person as you is completely okay cause no one will care and once you start being rude, bitter, and possessive you’ll get exactly what you want (that’s literally what happened, with Annabeth and with Calypso, too). He also teaches that after you get a partner, everything that makes you you will disappear and you’ll be completely dependent on them and nothing in your life will matter, even your own independent life and personality.

10. The fandom tries to excuse and explain Annabeth’s behavior??? What??? Since when does explaining and excusing hitting people put you in the right again? And the excuses aren’t even good, too! Percabeth fans use- Annabeth was full of emotions/mad and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions. Annabeth really loved Percy. It was only one time. Annabeth was worried about Percy and mad that she left him. Annabeth didn’t mean to hurt him. Annabeth didn’t know what she was doing cause she was full of emotions. ??? Annabeth was full of emotions/mad and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions- Annabeth was seventeen years old, the daughter of the wisdom goddess, and is supposedly the smartest character in the series who is shown to be extremely good at reading people and their emotions. And y’all are really trying to say she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions? Annabeth really loved Percy- SO? A mother might really love her child, does that excuse her for hitting them for dumb reasons? It was only one time- actually, it was twice, and so what? If someone was slapped across the face ‘only one time’, does that mean they weren’t abused? ‘Abuse’ doesn’t mean ‘hit constantly’, it means ‘hit’. If someone was hit, they were abused. Is that really not a known fact in this fandom? Annabeth was worried about Percy and mad that she left him- last time I checked, people didn’t hit others when they were worried about them. If I was worried that my friend was going to get hurt, I wouldn’t hurt them myself. That literally makes no sense. And again- Percy didn’t leave Annabeth. He was kidnapped. Do y’all not know the definition of that, either? Annabeth didn’t mean to hurt him- yes, cause that’s why she decided to flip him over her shoulder, slam him on a stone pavement on his back, and punish him for ‘leaving her’. Annabeth didn’t know what she was doing cause she was full of emotions- Annabeth??? the daughter of the wisdom goddess??? not knowing what she’s doing??? huh??? I mean, would any of you really, legitimately try to use any of these dumb excuses to excuse a man from hitting his wife? Hopefully not. And if you did, you would immediately get hated on and legit cancelled. So what makes this any different? Also- I see the excuse ‘Annabeth didn’t know Percy lost his Achilles Heel and thought he was still invincible’. Under different circumstances I’d accept that, but Annabeth knew that Percy’s Achilles Heel was on the small of his back...BUT SHE SLAMMED HIM ON HIS BACK. If Percy hadn’t lost the Achilles Heel, Annabeth literally would’ve killed him. Abusive enough for y’all? Or is attempted murder excusable and still ‘OTP’?

11. They had no chemistry whatsoever. Was I the only one who felt...absolutely no chemistry between Percy and Annabeth? Like some of their moments were cute, their friendship was really good, and they had a lot of potential, but they didn’t feel right for each other. Remember- opposites don’t attract (they just argue, and no one has ‘another half’ that needs to ‘complete them’, everyone is their own person), they cancel each other out. I mean, Reyna and Annabeth had more chemistry in that one chapter of the New Rome tour in MoA than Percy and Annabeth had in 12+ books. They’re just...not right for each other, I guess.

I’m definitely getting cancelled-

Edit 2: Sorry if I offended anyone with that last note. Just wanted to let y’all know that I am not here to start any drama, hurt anyone, or disrespect any Percabeth shippers. I respect your opinions 100% and only ask you do the same for me. Like I literally only wrote this at 12 am when I was bored and had nothing else to do and couldn’t sleep (same goes for pretty much everything else I write about PJ). Besides, why argue and start drama over dumb stuff like that when we can just find something we agree on? Don’t like Piper McLean? Let’s talk about that. Think Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano is a queen? Let’s talk about that. Think Nico di Angelo is freaking amazing? Let’s talk about that. Think Theyna would be adorable? Let’s talk about that. Want someone to vent to about writer’s block? Why the hell not? Want random writing advice and tips for writer’s block? Sure, I got plenty. Instead of arguing and starting beef over trivial fictional ships.

#sorry #not really but whatever #percabeth isn't that great #stop acting like it is #it aint otp #percabeth is toxic #percy jackson #annabeth chase #annabeth sucks #ship #ships #heroes of olympus #demigods #anti-percabeth

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strawberrysoup · 4 years

Text

Pocketful of Posies || Chapter 5

You’d been hiding for years and years now; from your family, from society, from alphas and packs. Suppressants were dangerous but effective and necessary for an omega who refused to be owned—but no suppressants were strong enough to fool the nose of a super soldier, who together with his pack would stop at nothing to bind you to them forever.

pairings: dark!Avengers x reader

word length: 4.7k

chapters: 5/?

warnings: A/B/O dynamics, power imbalances, noncon and dubcon sexual situations, loss of autonomy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat — this is a dark!fic, read at your own risk. more detailed content warnings are included at the end of the chapter to avoid spoilers, click through the read more, CTRL + F “content warnings”.

Rationality within Carol’s pack was often treated like a talking stick; only one person could have and use it at a time, and stealing it required either brute force or a clever trick—which was why she and Loki fumbled it back and forth so often. Sam seemed to have snatched it for a moment, until their omega’s sharp tongue made him fumble. She was cutting and brutal, as wild as she’d looked the first time Carol saw her: covered in mud and blood, half soaked from the bath and thrashing violently while Thor and Peter tried to gently get her in the tub.

The blonde figured it was time to regain the upper hand over their omega and came to stand at the top of the stairs, eyes locking on Sam from behind. He was turning the corner from patience to frustration, their little omega’s demeaning comments making the muscle in his jaw clench. It was impressive though; any of the other alpha’s in the house (plus herself and maybe minus Peter) would’ve had her nose in the corner by now, bent over to hold her own ankles and struggling for balance so that her forehead didn’t press against the wall lest she earn herself a spanking for being sulky.

“Alright Sammy, tag out,” Carol made sure that there was an undertone of mirth in her voice, hoping to bring the other alpha out of his anger. “You should probably go check on dinner and—Bruce, test results?”

“Oh, you’re right,” the beta nodded, immediately headed for the stairs. “Her hormone analysis should be ready at the least.”

The moment her eyes landed on the little omega on the bed, Carol felt her heart melt just a bit. Despite the vitriol she’d been spitting just moments before, the precious thing looked like an angel sprawled out in their den. All she wore was one of Thor’s t-shirts, the hem brushing the tops of her thighs and perfuming her scentless skin with his musk—she couldn’t wait until the suppressants were out of their omega’s system, Carol desperately wanted to know what she smelled like.

“Sammy?” The blonde prompted when the male alpha didn’t move, leading him to sigh.

“Yeah babe,” he leaned over and pressed a kiss against the omega’s forehead, ignoring how she shrunk back into the pillows behind her. “I’m out. Take care of her, beautiful.”

Sam stopped to press a kiss against Carol’s cheek on his way down the stairs, gesturing for Tony to follow. The genius rolled his eyes and huffed but followed nonetheless, only after tossing a wink at the scowling omega huddled in what would hopefully soon be a nest. Carol waited until they were both down before returning her attention to the younger woman, stomach filling with butterflies.

Carol had wanted an omega since she presented as an alpha at twelve. 90% of the people she interacted with thought she was such a waste—a female alpha? Objectively, a useless combination. Female alphas were weak and passive, certainly not strong enough to lead a pack or produce strong alpha babies. If only she’d been a delta or a beta, she could’ve at least carried children. She’d always been fully aware that society’s perspective was incredibly flawed; she was as dominant as any male, just as potent and just as strong. Stronger even—more recently by unimaginable levels.

But omegas rarely looked negatively upon female alphas. Omegas preened and clamored for the attention female alphas provided, they saw it as more tender and careful. Carol didn’t know if she exactly agreed with that either, but at least an omega would never look at her and consider her a very pretty waste.

Or so the blonde had thought, right up until making eye contact with the sweet-faced omega her pack had managed to stumble upon. She certainly didn’t look pleased, her glare verging on incendiary.

“You sure are feisty,” she felt her lips quirking at the corners, especially when the omega seemed to puff up like an angry kitten. “What you said to Sam wasn’t very nice. You gonna hiss at me too?”

The answer was a resounding yes, the cute, clicking cub growl she made only reinforcing Carol’s gut instinct that the little omega was perfect. She liked that fire, it wasn’t disrespectful—it demanded respect and the blonde could certainly understand that sort of attitude. Considering her omega’s evident disdain for modern presentation centered care, it could even be considered mild.

“Claws away, baby,” she ordered, tone amused and the smile still curling her lips as she toed her shoes off at the edge of the bed. “Be a good girl for me now.”

Carol pressed the omega flat to the bed before she could fight, plastering herself against the half-naked woman and burying her face in the crook of her neck. Scenting deeply made the blonde’s eyes roll back in her head—the faint scent of panicking omega wafted off her skin, only noticeable at such a distance. Thank God the Hulk picked it up, the alpha’s senses so incredibly strong that even while masked by Bruce’s beta he had picked up the faint whiff of omega; if Bruce hadn’t prompted Steve to scent carefully they might not’ve found her. Carol hadn’t been the only one in the pack desperate for an omega.

Thor had been… devastated to learn of the lack of omegas on Earth. With the destruction of Asgard and the remaining population’s relocation, it had been another gut punch to the alpha prime who’s people had already endured so much. He’d spoken at length about how omega Aesir were different than humans’ and the tone of longing and sadness in the prime had radiated through their entire pack.

The deltas, Bucky, Tony and Loki had all realized years ago how sorely their dynamic suffered without an omega. A delta’s overwhelming physiological drive was to provide support and comfort to pack members, their intuition let them see their packmates in a way the other presentation’s couldn’t replicate. Their pack’s deltas were all incredibly intuitive, beyond the norm, and without an omega to properly direct them they got manipulative. It was rarely antagonistic or cruel and if there had only been one delta in the pack, it would’ve slid by without notice—but deltas perceived the deception where others didn’t and it usually led to dissent amongst the three.

And while Steve had never said a word, Carol knew that as a sickly little beta he’d dreamt of being ‘strong enough to deserve an omega’. Bucky had mentioned it briefly—as had Tony, who’d heard it from his father at least biweekly. Steve loved omegas; he loved that they balanced an incredible strength with equal fragility. The very nature of them spoke to his inner artist, ‘his inner romantic,’ Bucky had teased. Now that he was a big ass alpha prime? He could deserve an omega now, he was strong enough now.

Their omega was practically a miracle, considering how few of them there were—so few adults, especially. Some claimed the overall population of omegas was going up despite the overwhelming evidence of the opposite and besides, the number of omegas born every year didn’t matter when you had packmates approaching their mid-forties. Tony, Bruce, and Clint were getting up there, as everyone liked to tease. Finding a reasonably aged omega that was also unclaimed? They’d never even considered the possibility, it was unfathomable.

Carol had consoled herself with the knowledge that her pack loved her deeply, found no fault in her gender or presentation. She knew it would take time, but soon her omega would realize the same. There was nothing wrong with her, she didn’t need to hide or put on a façade; not in their pack, not under their protection. Whatever the omega had gone through in her life must’ve been traumatizing, the blonde could only assume some sort of abuse, and it would be tough to instill confidence in her. They’d need to build her back up from scratch.

“You know, if you’d let Wanda search your mind, we’d have a much easier time understanding what’s going on,” the blonde murmured into the omega’s neck, nose brushing back and forth over her left scent gland. “Will you tell me why you’re so scared? Are you afraid of alphas or of packs? Or deltas?”

“I’m afraid of being trapped forever by a bunch of fucking rapists and kidnappers!” She spat furiously in response, struggling futilely under Carol’s careful grasp. “Get your fucking face out of my neck!”

“Packs it is then,” Carol sighed, lifting her head but keeping the woman pinned beneath her.

“You’re so shifty ‘mega, calm down. There are some horrible people out there, we know that better than anyone, and I’m sorry that you were hurt. I’m sorry you had to go through whatever it was.”

The omega froze, muscles pulling so tightly that she started to shiver. Her lips pursed, jaw clenching and her eyes got dim, lashes fluttering as she looked into the distance over Carol’s shoulder. It was a dead-eyed stare, one the blonde had seen before. Her baby was half trapped in a memory, tightly clenched hands clawing at Carol’s shirt and trying to force her body away.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry, come back—” Carol cooed into the omega’s ear, holding her tighter as she struggled. “You’re with me baby, you’re safe. Breathe with me, come back to me.”

“Would you fucking get off!” The omega choked, sounding both parts desolate and frustrated. “Why don’t you people fucking listen? Am I speaking gibberish?”

“I’m sorry you’re so angry omega,” the blonde’s eyebrows furrowed, sadness permeating her expression as she lowered her head to rest her forehead against the omega’s. “I’m sorry, I can’t get off—you need the pheromones, the alpha contact chemicals. Even if you’re traumatized, once the suppressants you’re on start to wear off you’re going to have to submit. We need to start practicing now so you can get comfortable with it, before it’s critical for your health.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry, you’re not sorry! If you were, you would’ve let me go. You wouldn’t be holding me here! I don’t need or want your help, I don’t want to be in a pack!”

“I hear you, baby, I promise I understand what you’re saying,” Carol carefully pinned one of the flailing omega’s arms down with her knee, reaching up to stroke the woman’s face. “You don’t want to be here, you don’t want to have a pack, I’m sure you don’t want to be bonded to us. But you’re on so many suppressants baby, there are so many mind-altering chemicals in the shit you were taking—”

“If you force me to stop taking them I’ll only be under the ‘mind-altering’ chemicals produced by the other presentations and—and this stupid collar forcing my body to produce addictive chemicals at a rapid rate,” she argued, “you want to argue that I’m out of my mind like I can’t be trusted with my own safety! I’m fully conscious, I’m not stupid, I’m an adult for fuck’s sake. The only thing that’s going to fuck up my personal agency is you!”

“We’ll know for sure when Bruce gets your test results back,” Carol sighed realizing how unlikely it would be for her to get through to the omega. “Tony’s having some equipment dropped by in the morning so he and Bruce can run some more. If your hormone levels aren’t entirely trashed, we’ll revisit this conversation.”

“You have to let me take my suppressants tonight then,” the omega pushed against the blonde again, grunting with effort and irritation when she didn’t move at all. “Otherwise the test results from today won’t match the ones tomorrow, missing a dose will entirely trash my hormone levels! The tests won’t provide an accurate reading!”

Carol was shaking her head before she’d even finished the explanation. “No way, there’s a reason those are illegal, baby. They’re so dangerous—”

“I’ve been taking them for fifteen years and I’m completely fine, come on—”

She watched the omega’s face fall when she sighed, “it’s not gonna happen baby. This one isn’t up for debate.”

“This one?” The omega scoffed bitterly, lips twisting as angry tears collected in her eyes. “Nothing is ‘up for debate’. I’m here, aren’t I? Obviously against my will. I’m not even wearing my own clothes, you won’t let me move! You’re acting like this is the one bit of agency you’re planning to strip from me but you’re either too stupid to realize that or you’re too caught up in the idea of having a house bitch to care!”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Carol frowned, thumb smoothing over the crease between her brows. “We’re not looking to ruin your life, baby. The last thing we want is to make you meek or take away your ability to make your own choices, but we have to take care of you.”

“Y-you don’t though,” she hissed, breath hitching as she fought not to cry in front of the alpha. “I’ve been taking care of-of myself for years. I’ve never had a problem I’ve—I’ve never been attacked or assaulted or—”

Carol shifted until the omega was cradled in her lap, easily blocking the omega’s attempts to escape her grasp, “If that’s true baby girl, I don’t think you understand how rare it is—or how it would mean you were poisoning yourself so thoroughly that no alpha could scent you. There’s too many people out there would hurt you just for being you; the only way for you to be safe is with us, where you don’t have to keep taking the pill equivalent of drinking gasoline and bleach.”

“I should have the choice!”

“The choice to slowly kill yourself?” The blonde looked down into the omega’s face in disbelief. “No one in their right mind would allow another person to suffer like that.”

Their attention was suddenly and brutally drawn to the stairwell, both of their hindbrains reacting to the scent of overwhelmingly aroused alphas accompanied by raised voices and shouting. The omega in her lap went completely and utterly still, instincts locking down all movement as if it could prevent her from being seen. Carol sighed quietly through her nose, nudging her forehead gently against the charming little creature hiding against her chest. She couldn’t really tell what they were yelling about but she figured it had something to do with whatever Bruce found.

“Someone has to—!”

“That doesn’t mean—!”

“It should be—!”

The blonde cracked her neck, arms slipping around the waist of her omega and locking in place like iron bands. The cowering made it easier for Carol to snuggle her tightly against her chest, wiggling them carefully as several pairs of feet began stomping up the stairs, until the omega was entirely engulfed by the alpha from behind. Steve and Thor made it up first, shoulder to shoulder and passive-aggressively nudging each other in the ribs. Sam was next, along with Bucky—both of whom were being decidedly antagonistic to poor Peter who followed behind.

“Would you guys shut the hell up? What’s going on?”

Before anyone else could respond Bruce forced his way between the group of more dominant males, eyes flashing green even as he attempted to shake it off, “the amount of alpha pheromone in her blood is so low it’s amazing she isn’t in shock.”

“What?!” The omega snapped furiously, eyes darting between the people standing around the room nervously. “There’s nothing wrong with me—!”

“Carol, hold her,” Steve ordered, as if the blonde hadn’t locked the omega down the second they heard them coming. “Thor, how are we gonna do this?”

Both primes looked almost pained, their faces painted with grimaces as they exchanged glances. Their struggle was easy to identify; neither wanted to cause any strife between them, damage to their partnership would damage the pack but they wanted to be first. Their hindbrains could barely function beyond the desire to fuck their omega, their pretty, sweet little omega who desperately needed alpha semen because her body would stop functioning without it. Primes always got first take on omegas, but when there were two primes in a pack things got dicey.

“Have one of us do it,” Carol chimed, carefully maintaining an expression that relayed she wasn’t trying to step on toes. “Both of you are massive, you could do damage without proper prep and if it’s that serious we can’t wait on that.”

“I’ll do it!” Peter was quick to step forward. “You all know I’ll the gentlest and she’s already upset—”

“Shut it Spiderboy,” Sam quickly interjected, giving the younger alpha a stern look, “she needs careful handling, not some teenager fumbling with his knot.”

“I’m not a teenager anymore you asshole—!”

“Carol’s cock is the smallest,” Tony stated nonchalantly as he kicked off his shoes in the closet that faced the den, “no offense babe, just logistics.”

“None taken,” the blonde snorted slightly in amusement before turning her attention to the two primes, “I can get her started, at least get her hormones on the right track.”

“Let go of me you psycho!” The omega howled, voice constricted by her collar. “Get away from me, let me go!”

A low, bone-deep rumble suddenly washed over everyone in the attic, the growl emanating from both Steve and Thor. A keening moan escaped the omega, her breath hitching and eyes rolling as viscous slick gushed from her pussy. The scent of it made waves through the rest of the pack, a cacophony of moans and growls echoing off the high ceiling as the responding scent of hot and bothered emanated through the den.

“Thor?” Steve questioned the other prime imploringly, knowing that they needed an immediate answer and follow through.

The taller man grit his teeth, nose flaring for several moments before he let out another low growl that made their omega cry with arousal. “You first—leave my shirt on her, please.”

“Oh God, oh God,” the whimpering omega shifted in Carol’s arms, likely about to try to make a break for it when Steve swept her up into his arms. “Please, wait—!”

“Your pussy is dripping for your primes, isn’t it precious?” The alpha male hummed quietly as he swiftly lowered them both to the bed, hands grasping the backs of her thighs and pressing her knees towards her shoulders. “So much slick for such a little thing.”

The whine that came from Peter sounded wrecked, only minutely more embarrassing than the groans and panting coming from the rest of the pack as they watched. The omega looked to be approaching frantic and Carol sighed, shifting farther away from the prime on the bed—there was no reason to test Steve’s incredible patience. Well, that had been Carol’s opinion anyway.

Evidently Loki believed otherwise, but then again the delta was habitually prone to testing Steve’s last goddamn nerve. The brunet had appeared with a shimmering green light, lying on the bed so close to the omega that the scent from his ridiculously expensive Fendi sweater was transferring to her arm and shoulder. The prime had barely flinched, certainly hadn’t reacted in a manner more noticeable than a slight dilation in his pupil. Thor made a reprimanding noise but didn’t move forward to remove the delta, much to Bucky and Tony’s immediate disdain.

“Why the fuck does he get to—!”

“You better rethink that, Ice Man!”

The combined snarls from both primes quickly brought all three deltas to heel and while Loki didn’t retreat, he did keep his hands to himself. One hand propped up his head, the other tightly fisted and rested on the bed between himself and the omega’s borrowed shirt while eyes burned into him from all sides. The omega’s wide eyes were locked on the man, some flicker of recognition fleetingly passing over her face. Loki was good at surprise entrances and even better at taking advantage of his brother’s status in the pack—not that he necessarily got away with things the others wouldn’t, but none of the others particularly wanted to find out what the prime’s breaking point was either.

“I just want to keep her calm, is that so horrible?” The tone the God used was smooth and Carol remembered the talking stick analogy again. “You can smell the poor thing’s terror, is it really necessary?”

Steve looked conflicted for maybe two seconds when a light went off behind his eyes. “Keep her calm so I don’t have to purr and you can stay.”

The delta’s hand immediately slipped up the front of her shirt, cupping the curve of her rib cage just under her breast. His nose pressed into her neck in the following moments, a small golden glow flowing over the little omega’s skin where he touched her. The odor of fear was quick to recede once the windows were open, replaced with the tangy-sweet scent of her pussy. Carol inhaled sharply and whined, drawing Steve’s attention to her wide, sad eyes.

The prime huffed, running one big hand through his hair while Loki held the omega’s thigh in place. “Hands to yourself, Carol.”

The blonde immediately tucked her nose into the other side of the omega’s neck, hands clenched into fists and tucked tightly against her stomach. She could hear the rest of the pack shuffling around, vying for space and views on the bed. Steve seemed entirely unbothered, his gaze once again locked on the pretty omega’s.

“Is your cunt working your slick hard enough precious?” He murmured directly into her ear, lips brushing the skin gently. “If those muscles aren’t strong enough we might have to put in a bit more effort to stretch you out. Squeeze around my fingers baby.”

Carol’s eyes rolled back when a breathy whine escaped the omega, the only perceivable reaction that might’ve betrayed her fear—otherwise, whatever magic Loki had used made her eyes shine with bliss. Steve had two fingers knuckle deep in her cunt, still pressing forward while his slick coated thumb swept up through her folds to pass over her clit. She shook under the grasp of his packmates, hips shifting without her consent to follow the movement of his hand.

“Come on sweetheart, please?” Steve implored quietly, looking at the loosely pinned omega with soft eyes. “Clench your pussy for me, let me take care of you. Please, I—oh, there you go, that’s a good girl.”

He hummed, working his fingers deeper into her cunt and scissoring them carefully. A smile lit the prime’s face when the cutest hiccupping moan escaped the omega, her legs pressing futilely against his hold. Muscle memory tried to guide her legs closed but Carol easily slipped a hand around her knee, keeping her spread wide while Steve continued to stretch her pussy. Another bass toned growl from Thor reverberated off the walls and she wailed, slick dripping over Steve’s fingers while her pussy contracted in waves as commanded by the prime’s guttural growl.

“I’m gonna take care of you precious,” her low whine prompted a moan from Steve as he added a third finger, carefully pressing the pads of his fingers up against her g-spot. “You’ll feel so much better once we fuck you, I promise.”

Carol watched with heavily lidded eyes as the omega’s attention was sparked by Steve’s use of the collective we. Likely it was only Loki’s magic that kept her from lashing out as viciously as they knew she was capable of. In spite of it, her little teeth showed, sharp incisors flashing in a botched hiss. The prime poised himself over her carefully with a small grin, fingers still fucking into her with vigor while he rested his weight on his elbow next to her head.

“It’s gonna be okay omega, it’s gonna be okay,” he cooed quietly against her ear, removing his hand only to pull his cock from his pants. “Take deep breaths, baby.”

“Don’t—” She didn’t sound distressed, the omega sounded aroused and desperate, “I—”

“Shhhh,” the prime’s lips skimmed over her cheeks, down her nose while his hand guided his dick up and down her slick folds until he was dripping with her arousal. “I’m gonna take care of you, precious. We’re gonna take care of you.”

The sound that escaped the omega’s lips as he slipped into her was goosebump inducing in the best way. She whined as the head popped in, breath hitching with every millimetre that came thereafter—and there were a lot of them. The omega was squirming, her heels scrambling against the blankets and both Loki and Carol found themselves having to focus much harder than expected on keeping her still while Steve bottomed out.

“You’re doing so well, darling,” Loki cooed, his nose brushing the line of her jaw. “I know it’s a lot but you’re taking it beautifully. Stay still love, just relax we’ll hold you.”

“That’s right ‘mega,” Steve groaned as he withdrew, the squelch of her cunt making his teeth clench. “We’ll do all the work precious, you just have to be a good girl and take my cock.”

It was easier said than done and everyone in the room save Thor was fully aware of that. The omega’s sweet little whines and cries were causing a massive feedback loop of arousal in the pack’s consciousness and Carol was pretty sure she could hear the sounds of several people going at it but she couldn’t pull her gaze away from where Steve’s cock was drilling into that pretty cunt. Evidently said feedback loop was also affecting Steve, who very suddenly growled possessively.

“Carol, Loki, off,” The prime snapped barely hesitating before dropping his elbows into the pillows on either side of the omega’s head, narrowly avoiding giving his pack mates concussions. “Now.”

Both the alpha and the delta were yanked off the bed by their ankles—well, Carol was yanked off the bed. Loki was yanked off the bed and then promptly thrown into the wall by said ankles. The reinforced exterior wall meant there was only a small dent where the god had landed, but the ensuing ruckus had a strong potential of causing even more damage. Thor immediately turned to deal with the problem, along with several other packmates.

Several things occurred in the next few seconds and the pack would probably fight about what really happened for the next twenty years, but somehow Bucky was thrown through the window and Tony’s right ring finger was broken.

And Wanda—poor Wanda, Thor pushed her out of the way before Bucky could accidentally take her through the window with him. The beta was sent flying, sailing across the bed until she hit the unyielding form of Steve. He startled in shock, immediately drawing back to assess her condition—only for a heel to slam directly into his nose. The prime’s head snapped back from the force, big body falling backwards while his hands scrambled for purchase on his face.

The omega probably would’ve even gotten down the stairs if Natasha hadn’t been ascending the stairs at that moment, having heard the commotion from where she and Clint had been putting away groceries. The redhead smelled her before seeing her, a somewhat sinister grin pulling Nat’s lips when the omega ran directly into her while attempting escape #2.

“Now where are you going, kitten? With that mess dripping down your thighs,” the beta cooed, head tilting as she scented the air. “Why can I smell Steve on you, but not his cum?”

There was a horrible, long pause while the omega seemed to consider her options before landing on Go For Broke. She attempted to dodge past Natasha but the beta’s strong arm immediately lashed around her waist, her superior strength making it easy to force her up the stairs even as she refused to hold her own weight.

Steve met them just two steps from the top, dick out and covered in blood. The prime’s expression wasn’t so much angry as it was disappointed and Natasha hummed in false sympathy.

“Someone’s been naughty, huh kitten?”

content warnings: nonconsensual sex, voyeurism

#avengers x reader #steve rogers x reader #thor x reader #loki x reader #sam wilson x reader #carol danvers x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #clint barton x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #bruce banner x reader #tony stark x reader #bucky barnes x reader #dark!avengers #omegaverse #abo dynamics #will potentially reblog with tags if i remember no promises

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.7)

Well, Natsume's really in it now! Today we'll be talking about what lengths Natsume will go to in order to protect the people he loves. He's not a normal boy with a normal first crush, after all. He has no intention of wooing her or flirting. In fact, his instinct is to distance himself, and going forward we'll see that instinct is motivated by more than just a low self-esteem.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Natsume has some major character flaws. He’s kinda a jerk in general and is rude and abrasive. He’s chronically selfless and seems to be drawn to situations where he can sacrifice himself for others, which is a very unhealthy way to be. He’s also terrible at keeping his word.

Natsume only made this decision on his own, but he’s pretty bad at carrying through with it. He’s the one who told her to stay away, but Natsume will have more and more trouble staying true to such an agreement.

At first, he makes an effort: Mikan is being bullied for her stupidity and sees Natsume. He glares at her, another discouragement from coming any closer. He doesn’t argue with her or join in on the bullying.

But in no time at all, the whole class is riled up in study mode because of Mikan’s example, and for many kids in Class B, the best person to turn to for tutoring help is Natsume, who is actually quite smart when he actually does the work--though he’d prefer not to. And he does help, though not with any kind or supportive words. He’ll leave that to Mikan. Maybe to him it feels a bit like a cheat, like he can afford to give in a little bit. He later walks alongside her after an exam, like he’s part of her circle, and although he’s not really engaging with her like the rest of the kids are, it’s enough that he’s near her.

And it’s enough for the ESP and Persona to notice.

We can see the ESP looking down on them from his headquarters room, still covered in shadows to maintain his mystery, but his figure is familiar enough for a reread. Natsume has been caught and he will have to face the consequences.

Persona subs in for Makihara-sensei (and we must wonder if Makihara was really unable to proctor his exam or if he was ordered to stay away so that a point could be made to Natsume), and despite his disguise, Natsume can tell it’s him instantly. After all, he was supposed to recognize him. Natsume looks horrified.

So far, Natsume has had to more or less balance two very different parts of his life: a more light-hearted life in Class B and his life as a spy and black ops agent. They’ve been difficult to juggle because of how different they are, but they’ve been pretty separated. Here, the lines are blurring. Was there really any divide at all or was that just an illusion? Persona can invade on his happiness any time he wants, on a whim, and nobody else will notice that anything is amiss. Only Natsume will be bothered, and that’s enough.

Natsume later catches up to Persona, asking him what the hell all that was about.

Permy and his fans aren’t the only ones to notice that Natsume has been softer lately--he and the ESP have noticed as well, and he’s been ordered to put a stop to it. He mentions a “kitten of a different color” who has been of interest to the ESP too, and Natsume plays dumb, his last-ditch attempt to protect Mikan from being drawn into this.

Persona comments on the strangeness of seeing the infamous Black Cat that he trained himself, who he’s supposedly only ever seen in action, sitting and taking a test like a normal kid. He reminds him that he’s not a normal kid. There’s no point in trying so hard. He won’t make it to ever see his family again, so why even bother?

And then Persona makes a point to discourage Natsume from getting close to that “kitten of a different color”. Natsume argues that they’re the ones who made them partners in the first place! And he might as well be giving himself away. Again, Natsume seems convinced that the partners thing was a decision from pretty high up, but I don’t think it was. Here, it seems like Persona is trying to clean up the mess Narumi made before it gets too out of hand. Natsume is a perfect tool and anything messing with that is inconvenient. They can’t unmake them partners (yet) so the most they can do is threaten Natsume.

And now we can see what kind of alice Persona has. It's a real threat, killing that plant. It's a reminder to Natsume what he's capable of, that his friends and loved ones could end up just like that plant.

And so Persona does.

Natsume is anguished here, because he’s been trying his very best to avoid this situation, but he should have known that Mikan was already in the academy spotlight and his feelings would be quickly caught. It was too late from the start and he was doomed all along to add Mikan to the list of people he will do anything to protect.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next chapter opens with Mikan being confused and hurt by Natsume’s sudden new coldness. She has no idea what’s brought this all on, but we do. Natsume has no choice now but to completely try and cut her off. It’s for her own good, after all. If he’s not careful, she could get hurt. Protecting her is worth it, even if it means he has to be even more of a villain than usual.

We don’t see a lot of Natsume in this chapter, actually, because he’s trying really hard to stick by his word this time. We see him trip up a little, staring at her in class. When she catches him, he turns away coldly, but from this we can see that Natsume really doesn’t want to be leaving her alone like this. If he had it his way, in an ideal world, he’d be much nicer to her. Unfortunately, Natsume doesn’t waste his time thinking about his ideals, so he keeps at it, pushing her away.

The next time we see Natsume, it’s after we’ve been thoroughly introduced to the concept of the life-shortening alice. This is one hint of many that he has such an alice, several chapters before we get a real confirmation.

The scene where Natsume struggles on a bed full of pills is perhaps more dramatic in the anime, but it’s no less potent here. It’s like a sucker punch. You don’t want it to be true. He’s ten years old, for heaven’s sake! TEN YEARS OLD! And he’s suffering, hunched over, face red, gasping for air, clutching his chest, next to the biggest bag of medicine I’ve ever seen. It’s the biggest hint we’ve gotten so far, especially in the context of Kaname’s illness.

It's heart-breaking to imagine that most of the time, Natsume is simply pretending like he's not in absolute physical agony.

Kaname stays at the hospital for long stretches of time, staying for weeks and sometimes months at a time. He’s hospitalized more than he’s able to walk around free. There’s a lot to consider when that treatment is compared to Natsume’s. Natsume is the DA favorite and is sent on many missions. His trips to the hospital are never for weeks or months at a time, not because he doesn’t need the rest, but because the school can’t stand to go so long without their prize fighter. Natsume might be in even worse condition than Kaname, but there’d be no real way to tell unless we got it from him, because he has no choice but to put up with it and pretend like he’s not living in constant agony. And on top of being terribly and terminally ill, he gets physically beaten somewhat regularly… this school beats sick children and then threatens them when they find any inkling of happiness.

There is a bittersweet tone about Kaname’s story. He’s already sick anyway but he will probably die if he keeps using his alice, but he wants to, because he wants to bring people the same happiness that making Bear brought him. It’s tragic and heart-breaking, but it’s touching too. That sweetness is missing from Natsume’s appearance. His situation feels miserable and helpless in comparison, because not only does he have no way out, but nobody even knows the extent of his struggles.

He only lets himself feel this level of pain when he’s all alone in his bedroom. He’s been having a horrible past few days, having to ignore Mikan when she’s all that’s made him happy in recent memory. All that together, and we know that this night was a rough one for him.

The next day, we see everyone saying good-bye to Kaname. Once again, Natsume is completely separated from the rest of them, all alone in the classroom, sitting and looking as miserable as one can expect. It’s strange seeing him now after we’ve seen what his nights look like and just how painful they can get.

I just want him to be okay. Why is that too much to ask?

There’s some text on his panel: “I want the future I spend with the ones I love to last just a little longer.” Yet another hint that maybe his illness is more than just that. He has very little time left, and very little time to spend with his loved ones, but even worse: he can’t even spend time with Mikan because doing so would put her in danger. Even with Youichi and Ruka the amount of time he can spend with them is limited. They have their own lives and he doesn’t want to hold them back or hint in the slightest that there’s something up with him. He doesn’t want to worry or burden them. And so he sits alone in the classroom, looking despondent and lonely.

And now we know more than ever that this was never his choice: he has to be like this.

No, he’s not the asshole he makes himself out to be, somebody who doesn’t care about others and cuts others off because he thinks himself above them. All he wants is to protect people from getting too entrenched in his dark life. Natsume being this level of a jerk is a method to protect people, a method an adult would have to take.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I’m quite relieved to have finally passed the point where the anime adapts the manga. From now on, I can focus entirely on the manga. I passed 22k words on this essay too! This whole thing will be sooooo long. I hope it’s an enjoyable read so far. It’s quite fun for me to write.

This chapter is the beginning of a long and dramatic arc. There’s been incidents of people losing their alices. The academy is withholding information about the gravity of the situation, lying that the students have not been affected so far.

But even with the little information the kids have, Class B is full of concern. Everyone is discussing these incidents, debating whether losing one’s alice would even be a bad thing. After all, they’d be able to go back home and see their families. Nonoko brings up a great point, that her alice is a part of her identity, something she loves about herself. It’s not something she’d ever willingly part with. Furthermore, she doesn’t want to leave all her friends at the academy either. Ultimately, the kids all agree that they wouldn’t want to lose their alices.

At this, Natsume stands up and leaves the room. He’s heard enough.

Natsume doesn’t just have complicated feelings about his alice--he feels hatred for it. After all, if it weren’t for his alice, he could live to a ripe old age. He could still be with his family. He could be happy, not used as a weapon by the academy to fight until he dies. He can’t relate much to the conversations about fondness for an alice. From what we can see, he’d be over the moon to be rid of it for good. This is a concept brought up now, because it will be incredibly important later on.

Not to spill about my personal life or anything, but I’m an English major (in an anglophone country so my focus is literary analysis and writing). Writing literature papers in school was a love of mine that I translated to my other interests. I’m writing what I can here about general themes and even visual parallels. I want to write as thorough an analysis as I can. Unfortunately, I can’t effectively pick apart word choices and phrases when they’re translated from another language and when so many conflicting translations may exist.

I’m saying all this as a disclaimer because I want to analyze word choice now and I am aware that this might not carry to the original Japanese or even to other versions of the English translation. (For reference, I’m using the TokyoPop versions for my analysis for the first 15 volumes and then I’ll be using whatever I get my hands on for the rest. The pics I use are from scans, but the main source I use for now is TokyoPop.)

"Nowhere!".... hmm let me read way too much into this.

Natsume leaves the room and Ruka chases after him, asking where he’s headed. Natsume responds, “Nowhere.” This might be a nothing point to make, but it stands out to me whenever I read this part. It’s a reassurance to Ruka, sure, but there seems to be more to it. On the surface, we can tell that Natsume doesn’t have a destination in mind; he just doesn’t want to be in the classroom anymore, listening to all that upsetting talk. Deeper than that, he really is heading nowhere. He’s stuck there, at the academy, unlike the rest of them who will eventually leave to go back home once they’ve graduated. Natsume will probably die at the school, trapped within its gates. He will probably never see his family again. He is, in that sense as well, going nowhere.

The rest of their conversation is just as packed with meaning. Ruka can tell something is up and he wants Natsume to talk to him, to let him in, but Natsume knows that Ruka has made a pact not to smile if he’s not smiling. So even though Ruka is asking and wants to know what’s wrong, Natsume won’t give anything away. Being miserable is one thing, but letting Ruka know that something is worse than usual would only make Ruka miserable too, and he can’t have that. The bottom of one page has him frowning, maybe steeling himself, and then at the top of the next page, he turns around with a grin to tousle Ruka’s hair.

Don't mind me. I am simply crying.

“It’s nothing,” he says with his smile, looking so gentle, and Ruka still looks concerned, but he can’t argue anymore.

In reality there’s a lot going on with Natsume. Later, when we are introduced to Tono, he mentions being concerned about Natsume’s health, having heard that he was making frequent visits to the hospital. We already know he’s sick and going on ceaseless missions, and on top of all that he has to ignore and be cruel to the girl he likes. It’s a terrible situation. But Natsume can’t tell Ruka any of this without worrying him, so instead he will keep it to himself. After all, it’s nothing that can be helped or changed. It’s something he feels he has to cope with on his own. To him, spilling his secrets would be selfish and only cause suffering.

Chapter Thirty

Iinchou has finally returned from his visit to his hometown. He’s brought gifts and anecdotes and everyone is quite happy to see him, until Iinchou attempts to use his alice and finds himself unable to.

It’s a shock to the whole class that a kid at their school has lost his alice. They had been so relieved that at least it wouldn’t affect kids like them, but now one of them is a victim too. It makes the fear much more real. If it could happen to Iinchou, it could happen to any of them.

Things get tense when Iinchou returns to class and says that this might have been the fault of a woman he encountered outside of the school, someone who was probably affiliated with Z. Everyone who was involved with saving Natsume when he was kidnapped is shocked to hear about Z again, but none more than Natsume himself. He gets up and leaves, just like he did last chapter.

He’s thinking about the proposal Reo gave, that Natsume should join Z and fight against the academy he despises. But he’s not alone with his thoughts, because Ruka followed him again, and so did Mikan this time.

She tries to ask him about Z, see if he has any more idea about what’s going on. She’s confused and he knows more than anyone what happened during that incident, but he’s refusing to acknowledge her presence, let alone answer any of her questions. He’s keeping up his charade of cruelty to keep her safe, but it’s driving Mikan crazy. She finally breaks, screaming at him that he should pay attention when people are talking to him, and further that if he has any issues with her he should just say it to her face.

Just like last chapter, we see a panel of Natsume steeling himself, ready to do the selfless thing to protect the other person. Only this time the next panel has him glaring at her, saying he doesn’t like anything about her. He hates everything about her.

Natsume has no choice but to lie all the time about how he's feeling, because everyone else must always come first.

It feels different, but in reality this is the same thing he did to Ruka last chapter. He can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s feeling upset, and he can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s actually starting to fall for a girl. He always has to hide his true feelings, repress and bury them, lie about them in order to protect everyone around him. It’s hard for him to do, but he thinks it hurts him more than it could hurt her, so he manages it.

What adds even more layers to this is that Ruka is observing the whole thing. He sees Natsume’s actions as selfless but misfires on the motive a little--but only a little.

He recalls eating strawberries with Natsume and Aoi, with Aoi cheerfully discussing her newfound love for the fruits. And so Natsume gives his to her. Aoi is surprised, because strawberries are his favorites. He responds easily, “I hate them now.”

"For you," Natsume says.

Ruka knows what kind of person Natsume is, that Natsume would reject something he loves so that his loved ones can be happy. They’re both aware that they like the same girl, and Ruka can’t help but put the math together and assume that perhaps Natsume is doing this for him, hurting himself and bringing himself pain so that Ruka can be happy and pursue a girl he has a crush on guilt-free.

He’s even more convinced of the theory with the tiny panel that reminds us of when Natsume shoved Ruka into Mikan so they could dance. Natsume loves Mikan too, but he wants Ruka to be happy, so he will give up and even ruin his own chances to help out his best friend over himself.

When I say it’s a misfire, I mean that Natsume has a lot of other things going on, including Persona and his imminent death. It’s not that he definitely isn’t doing this for Ruka, it’s just that it’s not as major a factor as other things. He’s mainly doing it because of the threats from Persona. If Ruka is involved in his thought process, it’s mainly a bonus. Ruka’s theory is definitely not unfounded; just not completely accurate.

In any case, it does add extra substance to the dynamic between the three of them, where they all walk away from the moment with completely different kinds of misery.

Before any of them can sit with their sadness, though, they receive word that an intruder from Z is at the school.

Conclusion

In this section, we explored how Natsume has no choice but to distance himself from everybody, and even how the methods he uses to distance himself look different depending on the person. Ultimately, despite the fact that he isn't the sweetest kid you'll ever meet, Natsume being cruel to this extent isn't a quirk of his personality: it's what he has to do. If he didn't have so many things being held against him, he might be much kinder to Mikan, or more honest with Ruka, but he has no choice in the matter.

In the next edition, we're getting more involved in the Z Arc and going into how come Natsume goes from telling Mikan he hates her to backing her cause and going on a dangerous mission with her.

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egelantier · 4 years

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Tian Guan Ci Fu

where is it and what is it

it’s a chinese webnovel by mxtx, the same author who did untamed; it exists as a webnovel, finished and kindly translated here, the manhwa, the donghua (animated adaptation) happening right now, and there’s a live action adaptation in plans, directed by the same guy who did untamed. the donghua is gorgeous, the adaptation i’m unsure about but prepared to be hopeful, the manhwa seems to be very pretty. but all the adaptations only cover the very beginning of the novel for now, so i went ahead and read the novel, and i have no regrets. it helps that the translation is very good - not without awkward translatorese, but it has consistent and engaging flow and style, and it’s also pretty good at conveying mxtx’s humor without awkwardness. it reads pretty well.

what’s it about?

the world is split into two parts: mortals and various ghosts and demons and entities share the land, while ‘heaven officials’, aka gods, live in the heavenly kingdom in the sky. pretty much anybody can become a god if they do something really heroic or memorable and/or cultivate (meditation, training, virtuous behavior) really hard. when above, the gods rule their domains and fulfill their believers’ wishes; they work sort of like pratchettian gods, dependent on their followers’ beliefs and getting influenced by them. heavens are strictly hierarchical, with their own economy and pecking order, and the gods aren’t particularly sinless or benevolent; mostly it’s a question of scale.

our hero, xie lian, is a prince of a prosperous kingdom who’s been on a fast track to ascension for most of his very short life; he’s talented, he’s virtuous, he’s kind, he’s strong, and his only peculiar flaw is (somehow naive, but well-meaning) obsession with equality and value of human lives and so on. he becomes a god, unexpectedly, at seventeen, after slaying one especially dangerous god, and rises in heaven at the peak of his faith, influence and happiness.

…and then he finds out about drought and incipient trouble in his own kingdom, and, being a young and righteous god too close to his mortality, eschews heavens and returns to save everybody. it, to put it lightly, does not go well. at all. in fact, it goes catastrophically wrong, and, having lost everything, xie lian ascends again, only to get into a fight with the heavenly emperor, and get banished again, this time for good. he roams the mortal lands for next eight hundred of very lonely, luckless and hard years, technically immortal but not invincible, with his powers and his luck stripped away, and leans to make do, eking out a living as a scrap collector. his temples are desecrated, his name is forgotten, his kingdom is long gone, and - well. so it goes.

so it goes! until one day, to everybody’s great surprise, he ascends once again: a humble, gentle, immune to embarrassment, unflappable man, an embarrassment to heavens, a 'laughingstock of three realms’ who just wants to be left well enough alone. he’s Tired.

instead of rest, he gets sent to investigate a dangerous ghost stealing brides who pass through its mountain, and there, during the course of the interrogation, has his first (he thinks) meeting with a terrifying, old-powerful and vengeful ghost king named hua cheng, who likes to terrorize heavens from time to time. but said ghost king seems to be very benevolent and very interested in helping xie lian, and xie lian is pretty instantly smitten… with knowing what’s the cause of such interest.

…and meanwhile, in the beginning, there'was an unlucky boy, born under the worst stars, whom xie lian saved from falling once, while still mortal, and promptly lost track of. a lot of things happened to this boy, who wanted to be the most devoted worshipper to xie lian the god of the sword and the flower. as one does, you know.

that’s the beginning! from there on: investigations, heavenly secrets, old friends and enemies and acquaintances, thematic parallels, old tragedies, more pining than you can shake a stick at, grand acts of love.

is it good?

it’s very, very good. it’s the first fantasy cnovel i read (aside from the hilarious one about a guy traveling back in his own timeline and becoming a sugar baby to a mafia boss, which was in a very different league), so i don’t know which things are baseline and which things are unique, but it had a very solid foundation: ambitious multilevel, multi-timeline plot coming together in the end both events- and emotions-wise, beautifully iddy main relationship, maybe multifaceted characters who change and grow and clash together in fun ways, a clear and heartfelt understanding of its own core themes.

it’s also, unexpectedly, very funny, in this visual, slapsticky, begs-to-be-adapted way - i found myself laughing out loud over it a lot of times, and it possesses this gift of swerve between understated but earnest emotions and all-out jokes that i associate with… a bit of prattchett and a bit of gintama, honestly. take it as you will.

(oh my god the mecha. i will laugh over this one until i die.)

it also made me cry several times; granted, it’s not like it’s this time, but those were very heartfelt tears.

and the main duo?

first let me say that xie lian was lifted out, wholesale, out of my deepest character preferences. he fell really, really far, and did some bad things, and some very horrible things were done to him, and by the time we meet him he went through everything and achieved this effortless kind of traumatized, humble, accepting, wryly self-deprecating, utterly competent chill that makes a character incredibly appealing to me. he’s kind, and he’s sweet, and he’s gotten any possible embarrassment at least a couple of centuries ago, and he kinda made peace with himself and kinda didn’t. i love him.

and, thankfully for me, hua cheng, the ghost king, loves him a whole damn lot, a ridiculous amount, an epic, over-the-lifetimes, life-shattering amount, and he’s a terrifying presence to everybody else and a shy, protective, sweet dork to xie lian, and every time they’re together on page my entire heart is just. it’s AMAZING. he’s a great combination of playing the obsessive protective yandere stalker-lover trope straight and putting it on its head, by making hua cheng not just revere but respect xie lian, in all his good and bad decisions.

they are just so - good for each other, holy shit. they get each other so well. they’re the best ever power team. i love them.

(the rest of canon is various character reenacting “really? in front of my salad?” meme at them. it’s hysterical, and it’s the best. everybody teams up to tell xie lian that his boyfriend is Problematic way, way before xie lian clues into the fact that he does have a boyfriend, and he’s having none of it. i love it.)

and the themes?

okay, so. roughly half of this novel is ridiculous iddy pining, and a fourth of it is various tropes (off the top of my head: soulbond, sex pollen, body switch, de-age, various shades of identity porn… crossdressing…) played very shamelessly. but it also really benefits from having an overarching set of ethical questions, and while it deals with them a bit shounen-style, it still deals with them, and it makes the whole text fresh, and sweet, and bold.

is it possible to save everybody? should you try to save everybody? if you lack the powers to back your convictions, does it make you complicit? when is it possible to stop the cycle of suffering, what can you do if you want to but can’t? if you tried and people you failed turned on you, whose fault it is, where does the blame stop?

Detailed spoilers begin from here, and i would REALLY advise to stay unspoiled, because the domino reveals are very fun

i loved the various ways the novel sets all those pieces up and then overturns them and then returns to them. xie lian wanted to save everybody and it was arrogant naivete of an untried, untested, privileged young man who never had a real challenge before; his presence made things escalate quicker, and yet everybody around him pretended it was his attempt to make things better that ruined everything, and not a combination of factors outside of his control. and yet he accepts the blame, because it dovetails with his shame at not having enough powers to back his intent up; and yet his triumph over bai wuxian is that he doesn’t, after all, renege on his initial drive to help people.

my most favorite part of this novel is that its turning point, the lynchpin of the whole novel, the moment that keeps xie lian’s soul and safety intact, is not his personal purity and drive; it’s not even hua cheng’s devotion and sacrificial love. it’s just a moment of little, grudging, human kindness from a little, petty, rude man whom the history will sweep away soon. the bamboo hat in the rain. the rest of the plot keeps twisting and turning and coming back to itself, but this? this was unquestionably, beautifully clear, and i loved it. it’s never about the gods, it’s all down to - fallen human is human, ascended human is human, and human is not some state, virtuous or sinful, you get stuck with - it’s a multitude of choices, and there’s never a final one.

and incoherent spoilery screaming for people who read it already

oh my god i had SO MUCH FUN. i’ve been flailing on meme for days, because somebody just finished reading there too, and i’m still bursting with ALL THE FEELS. ruoye origins oh my god! that hat! jin wu’s backstory and ultimate end! e-ming’s praise kink! pei ming’s little shippery 'hoho’! hua cheng’s horribly handwritten stick and poke tattoo of xie lian’s name! the lanteeeeeeeeeeeeerns. feng xin and mu qing on the bridge, making up with each other and with xie lian! hua cheng trying to explain to xie lian that his habit of using himself as bait and pincushion at any given moment is deeply emotionally upsetting to him, and succeeding! banyue’s learning from xie lian to be a truly horrible cook! the entire deal with shi qingxuan and he xuan and the wind fan in the end. THE CAVE. THE GIANT MECHA. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and i am beset, beset by feelings. come scream with me.

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #xie lian #hua cheng #cdramas #cnovels #mxtx

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celestialmarks · 4 years

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“I’m not the bad one here”: Muu Analysis and Interpretation

here is my personal muu analysis and interpretation. i'm really wondering: does muu really believe herself to be justified? is this a front she's presenting because her apologies remained unheard to the bitter end? is she really vindictive and somewhat indifferent deep down, or is she really pretending to protect herself? somewhat a bit of both? this is what i'll be trying to answer. i'm going to be using : - her official character intro in the character intros MV - her intro voice lines (from the official website) - her interview questions - her drama CD content basically every piece of muu extra content we've got, aside from minimal interactions from the app. AS WELL AS - her MV, After Pain, which i'm going to be deciphering based on the color coding! i don't think anyone has done this in full yet (if anyone did, i apologize)

(general TW for discussions & depiction of severe bullying)

as a general disclaimer,

i'm not going to reiterate points that have already been made. if you've looked at youtube comments of previously made analysis, it should be enough to determine what's going on. i'm interested in exploring why muu may feel justified in her actions and what the "darker" side of her is, is all.

there have been no hints as to the fact that she was a bully in the past or something. it could still come out that she was, or that her behavior was awful in whatever way (which i really wouldn't like bcse it reinforces the notion that bullied people "have to had deserved it" which is gross) and it still WOULD NOT change my opinion of her bcse she's still been through all that and pushed to the limit. at the end of the day, there's no way she lied about or downplayed this. she WAS horribly bullied and she almost died from it.

muu has her flaws, clearly. i'm just pointing out what they are here, her mentality and how it might allude to her being shown in a less sympathetic light next round, but that's it.

first, where does the "muu feeling justified" even come from?

to begin with, it's been stated in her intro "she can have a attitude at some times." it's also confirmed by the insults on the blackboard, transcribed in eng and edited onto the MV's visuals here (TW suicide baiting, self-harm baiting).

"So arrogant" as well as "are you looking down on us?" are written on the first blackboard, "eww poor people" on the second.

in her drama CD, muu also appears to be :

overly blunt at times

spoiled. used to being treated well, since she's rich

quite manipulative, even if she's straightforward about it

i suggest u read the whole thing to get a sense of what she's like, if you haven't yet!

once again and at the risk of repeating myself... she still doesn't deserve any of what happened even if she was condescending or flaunted her wealth. which i don't even think might be the case (it's not like the bullies are objective, they're just using it as a way to justify their treatment of her. and in the MV she says herself "There's no special meaning / I just got the short end of the stick"). she's kind of naive about her wealth (see the crepe incident dfdghjd) she doesn't appear to do it to annoy others or look down on them. she's just used to a life of comfort.

moreover, it's been implied she may have been taken advantage of initially because of her wealth (see the chat on her phone and the picture of her with the three other girls, which i'll call Girl A, Girl B and Girl C for convenience's sake and also bcse the ref to dr is funny). probably her bluntness and occasional attitude caused her more problems, but i'll come back to what triggered the bullying later.

regarding her manipulative behavior, it's because she's used to getting her way (crepe incident, her telling Es she'll just make him like her : "All I have to do is gain your favour, right?"). "my sorry spells must be wearing off" in After Pain alludes to this. since she was previously quite privileged, she had never been treated like this before. even when she made mistakes she was forgiven, so she may have been a bit of an entitled brat, once again. when she starts being bullied, her world REALLY turns upside down. she's so used to getting her way that she even THREATENS Es at the end of the drama CD. we're past manipulative here. no way to know if she has done this in the past though. this might just be due to her desperation, really, but the fact that she does it right after another attempt at sweet talk does make me raise a brow

also the way she turns the tables on Es. "i won't forgive you" when she's supposed to be the one who's forgiven or not? she's rejecting the fault onto Es, just like, ALL the way through her drama CD, she's been saying she wasn't in the wrong. that's her way of justifying herself when/if she causes harm. literally she will not stop saying it :

"I’m not the bad one here!" "I did kill them. But, they’re to blame! They made it to the point where I had to kill them… I… I had such a tough time." "Sure, I might’ve killed them, but… If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to escape. The cruel things they did to me were far worse!" "If you’re gonna say that I shouldn’t have killed them, then… Are you saying that I should’ve continued suffering forever?" "Even though I’m not the one in the wrong, they want to sentence me to penal servitude… That’s so messed-up." "It wasn’t a bad thing to do, right?" "What should I do then? What should I do in order for you to forgive me, prison guard? I’ll do anything! Um… Anything painful or embarrassing is out of the question though… And, I don’t wanna do anything scary either…"

muu is DESPERATE to be proven innocent. she'll do almost anything, though she's reluctant to put herself in any situation that might be triggering for her (understandable after what she's been through so i wouldn't say she's whining here.) in one of her intro voice lines on the website she says pretty much the same thing:

That’s right. I killed someone. But I couldn’t help it! If I didn’t, there’d be no way to escape. I’m… not the bad one.

in addition, here is what we get from her intro in the character intros MV:

"Fufu... it's your fault for doing horrible things to me." → Lack of remorse ?

from her interview questions:

"The person who did something wrong should apologize first." → Waiting for others to acknowledge their faults first, bcse she doesn't want her apologies to be ignored again... and to just be mistreated again, as a result?

maybe she wants to be declared innocent so that she can finally feel like she's heard, acknowledged. so that she can feel that her pain has reached people, and she might start apologizing outwardly then too, bcse part of her's sorry. but a part of her genuinely believes she had no other choice and as such should be treated as innocent. it's kind of a complex mentality.

what i'm focusing on is that she has this belief she is justified still.

something caught my eyes in relation to that : the "thinks she's the hero" on the second blackboard. muu has a self-righteous side like futa, even if it were (partially?) a front.

also, the quote behind every inmate : "every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." muu "saved" herself by killing someone else and now has a future, so she's her own hero? perhaps. perhaps that's what is helping her cope with the crushing guilt, and that's why she's outwardly so insistent on it.

but then again, something doesn't click: why would muu be saved from killing someone? the bullying has just gotten worse. why does she seem so relieved in that situation? is it because people at least don't touch her now, because they're scared of her? she is literally getting suicide baited though... well, i have an idea. but first let's decode After Pain properly.

more substance to her feeling justified: the color coding and hidden messages in After Pain

so, here goes. on the official site, people who got the innocent verdict are shown to have green eyes, while people who got the guilty verdict have red eyes. so from this, we can deduce that innocent = green and guilty = red.

well... muu's MV is coded like that all the way through. we have a theme of greens (cold colors) VS oranges (warm colors). to represent her thoughts in relation to her actions, and others'. they’re complementary colors, so it’s rather clear cut (black and white?) the color that's inbetween is the yellow from the screen with the handwriting writing that keeps coming back as well as... yup... the yellow from the box cutter she used to kill Girl A, her crush (presumably). and the yellow that is muu's character color! so very significant. i'll analyse After Pain sequence by sequence so u can see what i mean in detail. beginning of the MV : she's sitting in the classroom alone. the first thing we see is the green hourglass = i'm innocent! and we see the orange glow of the sunset. the light isn't hitting her directly, as u can see: she's left in the shadows = blameless, the victim here. it's hitting the blackboard with all the insults, however.

together with the lyrics this scene is basically everything about muu screaming "SEE? IT'S THEIR FAULT, LOOK WHAT THEY DID. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." and then of course we have the first instance of the screen with writing in yellow! this one says "ねえなんで" ("say, why?") nothing surprising there so far.

then BOOM the hourglass. very very clearly depicting her pain, her suffocating and being cut from the world. and thus proving her "innocence" bcse she's trapped, in danger of choking, and helpless.

it of course covers her (more of her basically telling you she's innocent). and then it cuts to a pinker, more orange-y scene with the bullies (they're guilty!)

and WAIT A MINUTE? WHAT IS THAT? yep... the box cutter. and what color is it in this scene? orange. it was orange here.

clearly she's saying that the others are much more at fault here. when she wields it, the box cutter is of a lighter color--still a warm color, since it's yellow. but a yellow that's very close to the lime green of her hourglass, isn't it? for now let's say it represents something in between, ambivalent feelings. the writing in yellow comes back and so does the chorus (look at how much i tried to apologize and make them stop). it feels to me like that's muu taking back the mic like HEY, listen up, you saw this right. in conclusion. here it is again: look at how innocent i am! look at how much i've suffered! and thus naturally it cuts to a hourglass scene immediately after.

nonetheless, the writing in yellow says... "でもたぶん" ("but maybe...") which is intriguing.

haven't mentioned this before but obviously muu herself is a mix of warm and cold colors, aka pink (her uniforms highlights, the sleeves and tie + her hair) and green (her eyes, with a highlight of lime/yellow...) then we're back in the classroom and once again the orange light = guilt isn't hitting her directly.

and the colors picked in the LINE chat with the others areee.... naturally, green for her, pink for the others... yellow for the whole background, just as yellow encompasses the entire MV as her true feelings on the matter.

title screen in yellow then flashes yet again, followed AGAIN by the hourglass scene (muu repeating, just like in her drama CD: "yeah, here's my whole story, and i'm innocent!")

the writing in yellow says "ねえもしも" ("hey, tell me...")

the writing in yellow flashes for the FOURTH TIME and this is the most interesting instance: "それなのに" ("even so...")

this shot is doused in orange/warmer yellow on the bullies' side and in the background too. super self-explanatory really

the orange light of guilty is still not hitting muu. meanwhile on her lap...

on the left, the bullies' stockings are blue, but they have a orange hue to them. the rest of the objects here in cold tones are all related to muu or touching her. the picture on her phone is split between yellow and blue. like the blame and innocence was, back then, even/balanced in the sense of peace and quiet, or perhaps just hidden in the background before it jumped out?

she's hit by the orange light here and please look at how the bucket is not blue at all and the floor below her is more yellow. Girl A is the one to open the door, so i think this might show Girl A's POV in relation to muu. not perceiving her innocence.

Girl A's eyes here are green and yellow, so to some extent innocent but guilty in a way that is justified in muu's mind? which is why muu reaches out to her. thus here's my theory on what happened with her : muu confessed, yes. however, the girl didn't out her. especially bcse the blackboard doesn't have any mention of muu liking girls (going by the TL previously shared at least). she just started avoiding muu. given the lyrics here: Girl A used muu's attitude concerning other matters as justification for avoiding her, which kickstarted the bullying. hence "the stabbing of the little devil's voice" which references something Girl A said about her attitude, prompting the rest of their friend group to see muu in a negative light so as to side with her. (since muu's planned counterattack to what Girl A said is a suicide note, it can only be Girl A that's the "devil". the cause.)

also please note how the light is only HALF hitting the background. she's to blame, but not entirely. not yet. besides her eyes are a different shade of green than muu's: darker, far from lime. clearly just green + yellow highlight, without the blatant "innocent" of the lighter lime. entirely ambivalent!

in this shot, the light is deserting muu's eyes. no lime green or yellow here. she just has dead eyes, resembling Girl A's eyes at the end of the video. this is muu telling us that this was her last chance not to become a corpse.

then muu reaches out to the one person she could ask for help. the one person who could have cleared any misunderstanding and possibly stopped this. she's running and everything is soooo yellow and orange. EXCEPT for the bushes which are green, a firm line (literal lines!) that allude to the possibility that Girl A might change her behavior. "perhaps she'll realized she crossed the line/know where the line is and walk off this path."

however, muu steps into the light here. she's been hit by the window's light even if we can't see it, as seen by her shadow. hence, she's already guilty, it's just out of frame (she doesn't realize/know it yet.) still, note that the light hitting her is not orange but ONLY YELLOW. less guilty than the others! but the school? orange. guilty place. guilty people

Girl A is still framed by green stuff. she has a possibility of being innocent, of being forgiven by muu, but the path she's walking is orange, clearly.

we see a tiny hourglass fall off, a timid reminder from muu "i know what you're about to see, just remember i'm not to blame." and then muu reaches Girl A and the background is just SO yellow and orange for the both of them. but notice something? on muu's side the background is more yellow. on Girl A's side it gets darker, more orange.

Girl A doesn't respond for a moment and her eyes are still green and yellow! muu has hope that she might still change for the better and forgive her! see that muu's innocent!

but nope! she rejects muu! and we get this deep orange!!! NOTHING like the yellow in the background earlier! this is the last straw for muu!

contrasting with the green of muu's hourglass breaking as she hits her limit:

yellow, vengeful fire burning next to muu. it's practically shimmering as she stabs Girl A. it's so light it's almost white.

Girl A's eyes have turned orange bcse in that moment in muu's mind SHE is the guilty one. she deserves this.

while in contrast, even if the background behind muu's very orange... her eyes are glowing lime/yellow.

i hit picture limit so this is part 1! (reblogging this to add more. here is the full post with part 2 as well)

#milgram #mu kusunoki #kusunoki mu #milgram analysis #mu milgram

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michibikionmain · 4 years

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This isn’t THE tommyinnit villain essay but it sure is one of them

Ok ok so 4 those of u who aren't on discord with me: i have two main essays that have been in the works for MONTHS, these being my Complete Dream character analysis essay going in-depth for nearly all of his canon interactions and finding his character traits and motivations through the story, and my Tommyinnit (and Wilbur Soot) were Always The Villains on the server essay talking about how the only reason so many people view them as the good guys or heroes is because we see the story from their perspective mainly. This essay? Is not either of those. BUT, it does go through a lot of my thoughts on Tommy and Dream’s characters so I figured I’d post it. maybe itll help me organize my thoughts 4 my Mega Projects lol

@ranboocore bc u helped me pop off on this so hard LMAO

Warning, it’s VERY Tommy Critical, what a suprise. I do not like Tommy as a character lol. idk what triggers yall might need me to tag but if u need one in particular pls lmn!

My biggest issue with tommy's character is that he SAYS hes learned but he never does he is exactly the same person he was at the start of the server just More Sad and with Trauma, when out of all the characters he's had the most push to change. c!Tommy is a very tell-don't-show character which can make it hard for some people to connect to him, especially those who don’t directly share his trauma or see themselves in his character. Of course, there is still a MASSIVE amount of people who relate to his struggles and thus love him regardless of his writing, but those who can't relate to him will always feel some kind of barrier until the things they've talked about are actually shown to the viewer instead of being spoon-fed to them.

It is a very beginner writing thing, and I'm hoping that Tommy is figuring out how to fix this, maybe with support from the many other writers on the server. There's the 3 you mentioned, plus fundy, niki, and maybe tubbo who also play dnd, plus Dream who said he would've been an English major and does a lot of personal writing for fun. I think the biggest issue in the writing lies in the individual ccs being inexperienced in the medium, particularly with planning out their own character growth.

Another glaring issue I have with c!Tommy is how he's framed to be sympathetic and he goes through all these horrible things without acknowledging his role in any of them. The things that have happened to him are a direct result of his actions, but the thing is HE won't acknowledge and so it falls flat. This isn’t to say that being abused is his fault, because it’s NEVER the vicitm’s fault, but being exiled? His multiple fights with c!Dream? His friendships falling apart? Losing the disks in the first place? They’re the direct consequences of HIS OWN actions, but he never acknowledges this and constantly just... brushes off any accountability by either saying that it’s Dream fault or simply SAYING he feels bad without properly showing it through redemption and GROWTH.

Denial is useful in storytelling sometimes, but Tommy's character has been in denial since the very beginning of the server and at this point it's just exhausting. He only ever switches between denial and depression, not really going through all 5 stages of grief properly. His violent/upset reactions would be more powerful if they were any different from how tommy usually acts, but this is always how he is. When he “lashes out” because he’s reached the end of his patience, it doesn’t SEEM like the snap it is because that’s just... it’s seriously just his standard reaction to everything. It hold no WEIGHT to see c!Tommy yell at someone violently or threaten to fight them because he does that anyways!

Static characters can be a good thing, and can be interesting if done correctly, but not every character SHOULD or CAN be static in a story.

Static characters need to have their position or behavior challenged and question, where they look into if the way they see and interact with the world is really the 'correct' one or just evaluated to see if they truly believe in them. This questioning period is CRUCIAL! and NEEDS to be well done in a way that ACTIVELY SHOWS the conflict between the two ideals. If they decide to hold onto their beliefs/continue their behavior then, it feels deserved, because rather than just being a flat "they do thing its who they are" they have defined WHY. WHY is a very important question to think of when telling the difference between dynamic and static characters. The why of a character is ESSENTIAL to developing them as a relatable, sympathetic person rather than a flat story telling device. It makes them a human rather than a puppet. When a character's motives aren't well defined or discussed, they're doomed to fall flat in everything else, because the WHY is the foundation of what makes them who they are.

c!Tommy has an underdeveloped "why", his motivations are weak, rarely properly discussed and when they are it doesn't particularly stick with him. His motivations change without showing us the internal struggle that should come from literally shifting your driving principles. There are some good MOMENTS of him reevaluating the importance of certain things, but they're so spread out and contradictory and immediately spat one that they're hard to piece together. He TELLS us what his motivations are as well, which is another big flaw when it comes to all that but we don't have time to unpack all THAT Anyways, the key to static story telling is reaffirmation. The character goes through a complete journey and ends with the same beliefs because they've looked into why they have them and determined that they still matter to them. A great example of static writing in my eyes is c!Techno, who since the beginning has believed that governments are bad. c!Techno enters the server to destroy a government, and still ends up doing that because he sees and we see him experience that the reasons he didn't like government before still hold true and he has no reason to support them any more than before, and so his anarchist beliefs are REAFFIRMED, proving to him that they way he handles things is the right one for him.

c!Tommy’s attachments are all just... they're all so weird. like he LITERALLY SACRIFICES HIS LIFE MULTIPLE TIMES for L'manburg. By action of sacrifice it seems like it should be the most important thing to him, but then he throws it away for some disks that mattered less to him just a minute ago. But then it's all about how c!Tubbo is worth more than Anything and maybe he's found something more important! but then he shoves THAT out the window for the discs again ig!!! but then it's about l’manburg again? Make it make sense.... pls....

Here's smth that really irks me about Tommy's character, and is kind of weird but give me a second to explain: Tommy has never actually permanently lost much of anything on the server. Every punishment he's ever received he's tried to find some way around. And like... I'm not expecting him to be HAPPY to face the consequences of his actions but seeing him constantly have his cake and eat it too is very irritating, especially when there are characters who DO have to deal with actual permanent sacrifices. The whole thing with the disks. where he WILLINGLY OFFERED THEM UP AND GAVE THEM AWAY THEN SPENT FOREVER TRYING TO STEAL THEM BACK WHILE CLAIMING DREAM STOLE THEM FROM HIM, is the biggest example of this, but it's generally his characters way of dealing with things. He's very backhanded and conniving, constantly calling himself "big man" except for when he wants things from people and he plays up the "iM a MiNoR" card to try and get them to give him things or feel bad. He's not just some sweet innocent kid like people paint him, he knows damn well he's messed up and while he SAYS he feels bad about it, he has never once really shown, with his ACTIONS, regret for what he's done except for the stuff with c!Sapnap, which could it could be argued he did because he thought it would help get c!Sapnap on his side to fight Dream and he knew c!Sapnap was a skilled warrior and could possibly be persuaded to fight with dream.

c!Tommy is in NO way some sweet innocent child, he knows what he's doing. He KNEW l'manburg was a drug empire, and wanted to turn his hotel into the same He was FULLY prepared to just murder c!Schlatt for legally winning an election that he KNEW was rigged AND INTENDED TO HELP RIG HE LITERALLY TEAMED UP WITH c!TECHNOBLADE KNOWING THAT HE INTENDED TO BLOW UP L'MANBURG AND ONLY LEFT WHEN HE REALIZED IT WASN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY HELP HIM--

The line of c!Wilbur saying "Tommy, are we the bad guys?" wasn't him mentally going batshit it was him realizing that the entire time they've been doing terrible things. c!Wilbur was literally ALWAYS Vilbur but the time people CALL Vilbur is when c!Will himself realized he was a villain.

#like. VERY critical #i do not like the child can you tell?#im sorry tommy fans but i am not one of you #and before you ask: Yes I have and do watch his perspective of the SMP just so i can try to understand his thought process #dream smp #dsmp #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #critical analysis #prince/pea and i pop off about this so much LOL #this is the first of MANY essays/collective analysis bits ive written about Tommy #lets see how many ill have by the time i finish going through the discord #tommyinnitcritical #discourse #ig. i saw a lot of ppl asking 4 this tag on similar posts so i thought id add it?

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clandestine-j · 3 years

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Gossip Girl, EP. 4 Reaction & Review

Finally, I've gathered all of my thoughts for ep. 4! I had this really cool extra post to the intro and had more thoughts but then I lost the entire thing so I had to re-write the entire post SO, yeah, this is all I have for this part. Also, if anyone has those bts photos please let me know, i’m looking for the ones that have the audience reacting to max’s dick pick from the fashion show, aki biting his lip. please send.

ADULTS:

Kate & CO: JAIL JAIL JAIL. We had that one teacher being turned on by incest and ruining kids lives. DO BETTER IN JAIL. I'll say tho, the male teacher makes a better gossip girl, he doesn't feel bad and is enjoying it. Kate could never.

Rafa: JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. I hate that they showed us this man having common sense. This man, pushing Max away sexually but understanding that he needs serious help. I hate that they just didn't have them flirting and show us him saying no, I'm so upset. I'm even more upset that I fell for him being the character to subvert the trope. I can only blame myself but blame HBO as well. I also hate the comments saying it's okay or well, the show needs scandal and spice. They could've been photographed together in normal clothes, just standing next to each other. Max could lie to GG. There are a bunch of ways these could become an IC scandal without having them cross the line. If you support this, you need help.

OUR KIDS:

Max: My boy needs therapy, lots of it. Maybe rehab. On one hand, he's being taken advantage of because he's clearly going through something and more than just his dads and he has been for a while. His escapism is dangerous and anyone would be able to prey on that. On the other hand, I need someone to beat his ass. His lines to Rafa about money and career were punch worthy and out-right willing to lie about Rafa doing something to him, even just to press Rafa's buttons. He needs help, he needs to be taught boundaries, he needs a lot. And why were the only two people concerned for his week-long disappearance Aki and Audrey, the whole squad should've had the guns out, friends since childhood, sure.

Obie: My boy, I get that you didn't like where you saw Zoya headed. I get that in some aspects you were right about her being a little too involved and suspecting Julien. That being said, she was having real problems and troubles and needed support. Do better. Obie still isn't the worst character on the show and many of them are SOOOO much worse. He doesn't deserve the all of the smoke he's been getting when their are better people for it.

Monet & Luna: I hate them as people and love them as characters that move the plot. I guess I could see how they thought the fuck school thing was horrible (and Julien too since she planned on showing Obie). The directors cut, I don't think they thought it'd ruin Zoya, they're just fucking cruel and found it funny. Let's box. Also, why are ya'll so pressed over this CHILD. Like get over it, find a real up-coming social media star.

Aki & Audrey: My good sis, you brought a gay man to make Aki jealous. I'm sick, it was fucking funny. Her comments at first were off the wall, I wish the writers would've done something else but a lot of woman don't see it as normal so I sort of get it. I'm glad she came around by the end. And Aki...he was a little spicy this episode, my boy was ready to pop off a bit AND I AM HERE FOR IT. My dude said, 'I don't regret kissing him' I was THROWN. Aki being with Audrey helps me like her more because she's a bitch that's still ready to gun for a now 15 year old girl but her and Aki's relationship is cute. They could break up and be fine which is great, I love that their relationship is really more than just dating and the friendship is strong. I'm here for it.

Zoya: It's just bad writing but my head canon is trauma. Trauma from her moms death death, trauma from the past and current bullying that caused her lash out. I felt like this was her breaking point (so far) and anything gossip girl related as always came around to Julien. If she trusted Julien more, she wouldn't have thought of her as the person causing her issue's but she doesn't trust her. They were civil but even at the end of ep 2. Her 'hell yeah' to Julien about bonding was too dry, too dry. I think a big part of her just doesn't trust Julien and she'll always think the worse because she's seen mostly the worse. And that video, horrible, I'd hate everything about my birthday too after that and even before. Her emotions during the scene and the talk with Julien, ouch. And while I'm happy that Zoya found herself in the end, YES GIRL POP OFF. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. THIS IS THE FLAVOR. I WAS WAITING FOR THIS AND I WANT MORE. I DEMAND MORE. I SEE A SPARK OF A BITCH, LET HER OUT GO, GO ALISON DELAOTRUINES ON THESE BITCHES.

Julien: Once again, I love Julien as a character, I know she's supposed to be struggling and for that, It's fun to watch her BUT. Julien could never be on my team, she's too wishy-washy. That is my issue, she's too, just...flip-floppy with no substance. Like, when she does things wrong, they're expected to be forgiven / are forgiven without true reflection or anything on her part. She fucks up, she see's its wrong and then she says sorry and goes on it does it again. This episode was just the worst example, like, the moment she heard buffalo, she was ready to send in a tip. Instead of just doing the party normally and being best because she's hear, she sends the video to Monet. She believes Luna and Monet (Monet talking about her throne being taken when Zoya isn't even an influencer) and she eats it up. They were the ones who did the dick pick thing, like girl, THINK. And why does she never get the full plan, why would she not watch the video or why is she so shocked that Luna and Monet would play something like that? She knows them. Friends since childhood? Sure. Using your moms name to make the party about charity? SIS, THE FEUD IS NOT WORTH IT. She says she wants to be sisters but then she switches up so fast and the witches up again, it's whip-last and I'm sick. I hate that she's doing this to her and I hate even more that's is the writers fault. I don't mind a character having personal conflict but make it a conflict. Like after four episodes, why is she still friends with her sisters bullies? At the end of the episode, she says she's gonna tell them to lay down their weapons, NO, shut it down. correct them. make it clear and make it known. I love my girl because she's flawed but I wish they'd linger on things and have her really think about it. I was fine with the i'm sorry speech up until the camera part.

Other random thoughts

fuck the rafa max thing again, i'm not over, i will never be over it

evan mock isn't the best but he does give me face at times, his 'wtf stare', little sly looks, the 'wtf' moment when audrey first asked him if he was gay like 'this bitch' also, give him more annoyed, irritated scenes, he gives in those

have julien go full nice or full evil for a while, pick a side and stick with it for more than one episode

i wish zoya was a bitch at her old school but i'm fine with this too, it explains why she was so reactionary when it came to the bullying at constance, not again!

i wish we could've seen julien talk with davis after that stunt

nick and davis, KISS, the ride scene was 100%

don't talk about obie so soon

i like that she chose to be with julien for the night, it was cute

emily makes these faces that i can't get with

eli brown is a good actor, that shot of him during the traumatic reveal

i will say, zobie might be boring but when they talk, they talk, their communication is p good, i don't hate it

i’d be here for obie x aki bc they’re friends, they got chemistry, aki was giving look lil up and downs this episode, aki was giving a lot of looks this ep, honestly, idk i just don’t want him heart broken

aki menzies is still my comfort character

i couldn't take rafa serious with his ass out,

whitney's acting in that talk scene, perfect, my girl had me in tears because DAMN

jordan is pretty good but in that scene, go girl, give me nothing

fuck max and rafa

max lied about his dads or at least one, AT LEAST one, i don't think they'd do that, he saw his in and took it

aki and aud, just have that open relationship, ya'll will make it, the way he tucked into her, it was so sweet

davi and nick secret relationship plot

jail for all of the teachers, once again

the hallway scene was great, the cinematography is been clutch overall

music wasn't as jarring

that's about it! i have more thoughts on the show overall that might be another post, they have a lot of amazing ideas but they need to stick with one and flush it out is the overall gist, i'm still into it!

can't wait for five bc i love the angst that's about to hit.

#c;gg #gossip girl reboot #gossip girl hbo

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notfeelingthyaster · 4 years

Text

Imagine (inspired by the incomplete fanfic Son of Underworld) (1/5) (Son of Hades!Percy AU)

Hey! Check the masterpost after reading this - there's a whole collection after :))

TW: Racism, anxiety, social isolation

Percy is a son of Hades

His mother was charmed by both Hades and Persephone, so he has the goddess' blessing.

Percy has deep black hair, and dark skin that's darker than the night. His eyes are like looking at the abysm - even so, a hint of green appears beyond his irises, the shade of Persephone showing itself slightly.

Every year, they don't go to Montauk: They go to a subterranean little house in the middle of the woods that Percy has no clue how his mother has money to afford renting.

His mother reads him the Hobbit - its a hole in the ground, with a little round door. He is sure he is a Hobbit.

Weird things happen to Percy. His eyes go all black one day and his mom freaks out. He explodes a bus. Once, he makes a mess of the Egyptian section of the museum he is in - he has no clue how.

People don't like touching Percy. Only his mom hugs him, and sometimes, Percy feels so alone he thinks he will someday merge with the shadows around him.

His ADHD gets worse every year, but misteriously, he can read anything if it's related to history. He is the best at history and geography and math.

He does math instinctively. He know earth, he feels the dirt in his fingertips and knows, he just knows.

He feels history being whispered in his ears by people that aren't there.

Percy goes to Yancy Academy. He is not a irredeemable case. No. He gets a scholarship on math. He never got a grade bigger than a E+ in English bc of his dyslexia, and he will never get more than a C- in Science, but he is good in math.

Pre-algebra is easy, and his teacher is kind. It's the first teacher that passes her hand in his head and say "Here, honey" when he misses home.

Professor Brunner is cool, but he feels uneasy at his presence. Like the man is just waiting for Percy to do something, and it doesn't help that, weirdly, Percy is not awful at Latin.

Nancy Bobofit picks on him once. She touches his skin, but it feels like touching something dead. She never looks at him again.

Grover is a good roommate. He is a good guy, a good friend, and they spend lots of time together. He doesn't creep Grover, no. They share a love for flowers.

He doesn't touch Grover. He is afraid that if he does, he won't have a friend anymore. Percy gets used to sweaters and gloves, all blue.

Because Percy may be a child of Hades. But he loves blue and soft tones of pink. He has soft sunset fluffy sweaters and loose washed-out jeans.

Percy is twelve when a guy in his class turns out to have only one eye and a javelin. His algebra teacher saves him with a black sword.

Mrs. Dodds, or Alecto, tells him everything. Or everything she can. She tells him he is in danger. She tells him there are powerful beings in the world. She tells him he is the son of one of them, but more than that and he would be at risk.

He sits through his finals earlier at her urging. Grover does too, and Grover sticks with him.

Grover is, perhaps, his only friend, and Percy is desolated to discover that Grover wasn't really his friend - he was just a guy, a satyr, tasked to protect him. Grover insists that they are truly friends, but his fatal flaw this time is holding grudges, and it takes a part of his heart.

He doesn't turn his back to Grover though. He is bitter, and he wants to punch him. But it still is everything he has.

Apart from his Mom. So they go talk to his Mom and get his things, and she cries at his shoulder and insists on going with them until the borders.

It goes badly. Sally "dies" in a flash that looks like thunder, by the hands of a Minotaur. Grover says Hades is sending his monsters after them - But Percy knows where thunder comes from.

Percy doesn't break one of the monster's horns - he breaks both, and carries Grover through the barrier, doing his best to not touch the satyr.

Nectar tastes like his mom's blue cookies. He cries after Grover leaves the room.

Mr. Brunner is Chiron. Alecto is a Fury. The greek gods are the powerful beings she was talking about.

Mr. D looks at him once, and for a second, pity flashes in his eyes. Most people forget that before he was Dionysus, he was Zagreus.

They play in silence. Percy doesn't make difficult questions. The blonde girl looks at him once, and she opens her mouth to say something, but she just closes it with a conflicted expression.

People look at him weirdly. Some regard the horns he stuck at his belt, some look at his skin with disgust (he heard it all before, the slurs). Some regard his soft appearance, and names are thrown, Demeter and Aphrodite and Persephone and Eros, and Percy want to scream and melt into the shadows.

He has a mother. No one knows his father.

He meets Luke. Luke is everything he aims to be - he shines with warmth, like a beacon. Percy doesn't touch him. He is afraid he'll drain him empty of light.

Annabeth and he are cold towards one another - the girl doesn't like his aura, he doesn't like her snobbish behavior.

He settles at Cabin 11. He doesn't mix up with the Ares children, he steers clear of Clarisse. He spends his time studying greek, listening to whispers in his ears, and trying new things.

Percy isn't very good with a sword - not one of them is well balanced to him. He is good with daggers - but horrible at close contact because he doesn't get very physical. He is okay with a bow, but it still isn't his thing.

He tries the spear - definitely no. The javelin? No. Mace? Too close combat, not enough balance.

Turns out his weapon of choice is a giant Warhammer, and sometimes a fierce-looking ax on the other hand, and everyone starts looking at him again, questioning and questioning.

Canoeing is not for Percy. Two minutes, and he got water sick. They are in a river for gods' sake!

Pegasi hate Percy. He doesn't try again.

He likes running with the dryads, and they like him. He likes the strawberry vines, he can make them look shinier, flowers bloom, even though he can't raise vines or produce anything.

He tries to deal with metal. He is good at it. The metal feels like water under his hands: he can do anything with it. Metal, stone, gems. He ignores the shadows curling at his feet, the flecks of green in the midst of the red fire.

Hephaestus, they say. He is not muscled like some of the other Cabin 9 children, but again, he is probably a legacy of Persephone or Demeter or some minor harvest god. He looks a little like Charles - it's not only the skin.

Everyone is willfully blind. Percy Jackson must be a child of Hephaestus. He deals with metal and fire, he put Clarisse on the floor with his Warhammer last week, and the girl was impressed instead of pissed. What if he likes the shadows a little?

Charles takes him under his wing, almost part of the cabin.

Percy uses a long-sleeved orange shirt under his camp shirt, being the sun, or rain.

He doesn't touch people, and everyone is used with each other's little quirks, so no one questions him.

Some Apollo and Demeter children steer clear of him like the plague, the ones who work in the infirmary, the ones that tend to the gardens and create life.

Some Apollo and Demeter children stick to him like glue, the ones that can sing someone to madness and induce sickness, the ones that destroy and kill.

Some children in his cabin still give him glances. Alabaster, Ethan, Clovis. They feel in him what's inside of them.

Luke is glued to his side. Luke basks on the power.

He burns food. To Hermes, for letting him sleep in the corner of the floor. To Dionysus, he is doing what he can, so far away from his dominion.

He doesn't burn food to his father. He burns it to Hephaestus.

He makes a silent prayer that he won't be an unclaimed child. He wants a family, he wants someone, anyone to come and be and love him because the only family he had is gone now.

In his dreams, he sees a somber man with a crown of bones, skin just like his. He sees a dryad so beautiful, she must be a goddess, with her pale green skin and hair like a thousand vines, flowers sprouting beneath her barefoot feet.

He confides in Luke about Alecto. The boy looks ready to explode of happiness, but Percy doesn't understand.

Percy stays unclaimed a month. Then Capture the Flag happens.

It's not a hellhound - this time? It's a sea serpent. A Cerastes.

They get the flag. Percy gets a helm of darkness over his head, a dark glow around it.

Luke thinks he is the only one who saw the sweet green glow behind it, the soft smell of pomegranates. He is wrong.

'Hades,' said Chiron. 'Earthopener, The Silent One, The Rich One, Lord of the Dead. Hail, Perseus Jackson, Son of the Underworld God'

Percy does not have a family. He does not have a cabin. Percy has nothing, and he is alone.

Not much changes. People steer clear of him. The only people he talks to are Annabeth, reluctantly on his part (even though she seems equal parts resignated and scared, like it somehow affects her), Luke, Charles, Alabaster and Ethan.

Some children of Apollo, Demeter and Hermes look at him curiously. Pollux and Castor spend more time in his vicinity.

A lot of gods are connected to the Underworld one way or another. Ares can call upon skeletons. Athena can drawn upon years of forgotten history. Aphrodite has a son in the second coming of Eros, so she knows - she knows - that before he was his son, he was a son of what is under even the Underworld.

Percy is afraid. He doesn't know his powers, what can he even do? Can he make the earth tremble, can he raise the dead, can he kill people with a touch? Or does his powers relies solely in metal?

He doesn't touch anyone. Not even through gloves - he has a jacket now.

Dionysus calls to him and offer to transform him in a pomegranate tree - but his mom is somewhere, and if he is capable of raising the dead, he wants her back.

The prophecy is the same, and their journey is not that different.

He doesn't think his father stole anything. But he might - who is Percy to know? The man has never once spoke with him. He doesn't know who his father is, and no one is giving him good impressions.

Their bus is exploded by hyperboreans, who, in the end, like all creatures who have ice in their hearts, answer to Poseidon.

They kill the Medusa. Percy sends the head to Olympus. They follow a poodle, but this time, the attack of the Echidna is not in an Arch. Is in the Chalk Pyramids in Kansas, and Percy falls off a cliff only for the earth to welcome him with open arms, as he raises an army of skeletons to do his bidding.

They still meet Ares. Percy swarms the aquatic park with skeletons - and it's the first time he tries shadow travelling. It works - but they end up, all three of them, in Wyoming.

At least now they can prove Wyoming is real.

He ignores the televisions. He ignores the stories. He ignores Gabe - because if there is someone he wouldn't mind strangling with his bare hands, it's Gabe.

Ares meet them there - their ride this time is an abusive circus caravan, and Percy sleeps the whole day of the travel, he doesn't even remember Ares or the suspicious backpacks. They free the animals and flee in Las Vegas.

The Lotus Hotel is much harder to resist this time around, seeing Percy sleeps what looks like two hours but feel like two days, but someone touches Percy, he freaks out and gets the three of them out of there (without shadowtravelling this time).

They pass Procrustes. They go to D.O.A. Percy insists - he has to do this alone. It's his father, his home turf.

Grover and Annabeth became loyal friends. They won't let him go alone.

They pass Charon easily. Percy keeps producing money everywhere - and Charon folds. Cerberus wants to play, and Percy plays with him. It's just a doggy. Percy vows to come back. Annabeth doesn't cry alone.

Luke's shoes betray him. He thinks that's the last betrayal of this mission, because it hurts somewhere deep in him.

The confrontation with his father is the worst. Hades has no regard for him. Calls him a liar, a cheater. Says he shouldn't ever have claimed him. That he stole Zeus' bolt for hubris, and his Helm for vengeance.

Alecto looks at him sadly. She knows he didn't do anything.

"You know nothing about me"

Percy shadow travels away with his friends. Its easier, in the underworld.

He fights Ares in the Mojave Desert instead of the beach. The god bleeds gold, and the helm is his.

"Tell my... my father, to expect my visit"

Alecto looks apologetic. He, although, is not.

He makes a sob story for the police. Is difficult, because people look at his skin and see a delinquent. They look at his skin and sneer, but Annabeth is just tanned, and Grover is a ginger.

Percy gives back the Master Bolt. Zeus looks like he would be better as a puddle on the floor - Percy disagrees.

Poseidon looks less - less angry, less probable of smothering him on the floor. He claps a hand on his shoulder, and it sounds like an apology (or the best he is going to get).

He feels tired. He goes back to camp for the last bonfire - but he isn't sure he is coming back next summer. Some people like him - but he hated being looked at and proded. He wants to see the Underworld. He wants to find his place.

He hates the Cabin 11. It's humiliating. It's degrading. Nemesis turns the tides of wars. Hecate controls the Mist. Morpheus can drive someone crazy - they aren't gods, they are feelings, things above nature, sons and daughters of Nyx.

He feels detached. Luke asks him to a walk.

Perseus hate some of the gods. Perseus hates Zeus, who took his mother. Perseus hates his father, who called him a liar and tried to deny Percy's place. Perseus hates that they don't have more cabins. Perseus hates that they have cabins for gods who don't have children.

But Perseus loves Annabeth, and Grover, and Charles. He has dreams - dreams of Persephone that mingle with his dreams about Kronos. He wants to meet her, even if she hates him.

He doesn't go with Luke, no. But he doesn't say no. He teethers the line this time - half his friends at one side and half at the other, and he wants to scream.

Alabaster and Ethan leave, and he doesn't blame them. Luke doesn't poison him, and doesn't blame him for staying. He probably thinks Percy is going to sway Annabeth, and he can't fault him.

He leaves a golden drachma in his hand - for him to call when he makes a decision.

And Percy truly doesn't know what it will be.

Zeus gives back his mother and Gabe is now a statue at Persephone's garden - but he holds a grudge.

Perseus is only twelve, when he discovers he is Percy only to his mother, Annie, Charles, Grover and Luke. To the world, he is Perseus, the one who destroys.

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samaramin · 3 years

Photo

INTRODUCING: Samar “Sam” Amin

“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

THE BASICS

Full Name: Samar “Sam” Victor Amin Age: twenty-six Birthday: April 20th, 1995 Zodiac Sign: Aries Occupation: Tattoo Shop Assistant at Tatt’s All Length of Time in Crescent Harbor: all his life Neighborhood: Goldfinch Valley, currently resides in @lilywhittaker’s house Hometown: Crescent Harbor, Washington Nationality: American, his mother was from France originally, his father is of Indian descent Sexuality: Bisexual Relationship Status: Single, not looking Qualities: creative, loyal, fearless, passionate, playful Flaws: impulsive, hot-headed, reckless, selfish, withdrawn MBTI: ENFP-T “The Turbulent Campaigner” Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good Enneagram: Type 7 “The Enthusiast”

Y’all have met my sweet son John, get ready to meet my chaos son Sam! He’s a little careless and broody sometimes but usually a pretty chill guy with a lot of trauma to unpack – or in his case, to keep locked away forever because what even are emotions. He’s doing his best to find his purpose in life but as the son of a influential founding family heir that seems easier said than done.

THE FAMILY SITUATION

tw: death, armed robbery

Sam was born into an influential founding family of Crescent Harbor and has never really left the town, aside from a few trips to France to see his mother’s side of the family and go on vacations. That stopped when his mother was killed in a rather tragic event, an armed robbery that had never been resolved. While his father, Rohan Amin, has never had a very loving relationship with his sons, always a little absent and therefore distant, he’s tried his best to keep the family together but sometimes it seems like you can’t fix what’s already been broken into pieces for years and years before. When it comes down to it, Sam cares about his father and half-brother but he doesn’t like to show it - whether that’s due to the fact that he blames his dad for his mothers sudden passing or he feels like they remind him of her too much is something he’s still trying to work out himself.

THE LOOKS

Faceclaim: Avan Jogia Height: 5'8’’ Hair Color/Length: dark and wavy, usually worn long or tied up in a messy bun when it bothers him. Facial Hair: Sam thinks he looks like a baby when he’s clean shaven so he usually sports as much stubble as he can. Eyes: brown Complexion: clear, warm undertones, usually has dark circles under his eyes due to not sleeping much Body: Athletic. While Sam can be terribly lazy, he usually moves around town quite a bit. Whether he’s skating or riding his boke, he’s pretty active that way. Style: Sam doesn’t really care about whatever “rules” there might be to fashion. He wears what he likes and thinks is fun, even if it doesn’t match the occasion. He likes to shop second hand and isn’t scared of things that seem a little too out there to be worn by anyone really - he likes to take a risk, even if it doesn’t feel like it to him. Some might call his style eccentric, he just calls it his own. Smells Like: Cigarette smoke, energy drinks and clean out of the shower - unless you meet him out and about skating on a hot summer’s day. In that case, sorry in advance.

THE STORY

tw: death, armed robbery

Sam was born and raised in Crescent Harbor and doesn’t really know anything else.

He gets out to Seattle quite a bit to party or just a change of scenery but other than that, he rarely ventures further away.

He wants to get out of the town so badly but at the same time not badly enough to actively work on finding a way out, as in he likes to talk shit about the town and its people but it is his home at the end of the day and he’ll get defensive (don’t ask me)

Even though he’d have the funds to move out (thanks Sam’s dad!), he hasn’t yet, mostly because his father isn’t home most of the time anyways and it allows Samar to stick around comfortably. He’s working on getting a place for himself though, preferably with roommates because he hates being alone with his thoughts for even a second but also can’t stand being around his father, despite the fact that he’s not even doing anything bad but my boy just doesn’t like being told what to do and he has nothing to say to him as their relationship is a little rocky

That’s mostly because he assumes that his father has some questionable ties to businesses all across the country and Sam is convinced that his side hustles have something to do with the fatal armed robbery in which his mother lost her life

He never asked his dad about it, so he can’t know for sure - his father’s also not a bad person just terrible distant and overwhelmed with the fact that he suddenly had to raise his two boys on his own.

Sam misses his mother every single day and suffers from her loss, though he rarely talks about it if at all. He only has a few people he talks to about it - but most of the time, he’ll gloss over it.

Sam also has a half-brother he’s got a kind of rocky relationship with but ultimately, he’d do anything for him! (this is an open connection *wink-nudge*)

Deep down he cares deeply about the people close to him but has a hard time showing them or letting them know. He’s trying though and even though he’s moody and has a hard time with grey areas, Sam tries not to see the world in black and white all the time

He’s very sociable and kind when he has to be, he likes being around people unless he wants to lock himself away for days on end just to sulk. Sometimes he’ll pick fights but not as much as he used to - that’s the only aspect in life where he mellowed out though.

Even though he was a horrible student, Samar likes learning new skills and is good at a lot of them, even if he doesn’t quite realize. He likes to skate, play the guitar, sometimes he even writes random lyrics, sketches or reads, though he’s usually too restless for that and sticks to the more active hobbies he has.

Sadly, he’s not exactly scared of getting into trouble still. His carelessness often gets in the way when he’s taking the concept of Hedonism a little too far which leaves him with making reckless decisions that he doesn’t really regret – to him it’s all about learning from his experiences. Or not learning anything from them at all which usually ends up in a repetition of that same mistake in an endless loop.

He’s aware of his privilege but also tends to get a little too into the “woe is me” zone occasionally. He appreciates it when he gets snapped out of it though.

He is also pretty generous, since he doesn’t really care about money, even if it doesn’t seem that way. If you need money or someone to buy you a drink? Sam’s your guy and he’ll do it, no questions asked.

All in all he’s a good guy who’s really just trying to figure himself out and wants to find a place for him in the world in the midst of all the chaos but so far, he’s not been too lucky.

I’m currently working on a connections page but if you’d like to plot or connect him with your muses, just throw your ideas at me and we can figure something out!

I’m also currently reworking his bio a little to tweak some things. Until then, you can find his rather outdated one here and some more musings here. 💕

#crescent:intro #( intro. )#( muse. )#( about. )#// i'm working through my muses intros to give them a lil update don't mind me <3

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zuzuslastbraincell · 4 years

Note

For the salty ask game: 6, 10 and 16? <3

6: Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

I never used to like kataang or maiko much, but I’m good with the former and really like the latter now.

while I’m still not a big fan of the kataang (without wanting to write an essay: ember island players ruins it for me), I’ve softened on it a lot largely just from seeing the content for it on here. they’re just honestly very sweet? I don’t know if it’ll last for practical reasons, but the idea of aang & katara offering each other hope from the beginning and until the end is just lovely.

as for maiko, I absolutely love the strength of mai & zuko’s dynamic (platonic or romantic) just from their boiling rock interactions alone. I feel like a lot of early s3 maiko very much demonstrates that they have some communication difficulties to work through together (thinking about the beach in particular here, but also the ‘are you cold?’ scene, as well as the break-up via letter interaction, that’s the big one) and in a sense mai represents part of zuko’s ‘ideal’ life as a perfect prince that he realises that he has to break from in the first half of s3, but I’ve come around to the idea that if they spent some time working through their communication issues they could really have something lovely? I do also think mai deserves a short break from the stifling culture of nobility/time to explore herself first, but after that? totally could work. like, i’m personally really attached to the gay zuko headcanon and always have been but a lot recent mutuals are maiko shippers and i’ve become very attached to maiko as well because of them (in parallel universes of course).

16: If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

so many things....

1. less racist, more sensitive worldbuilding. crucially better south asian rep, clear south asian rep. this also means including removing the caricature of guru pathik and changing the design of combustion man (and p’li) not to include a reference to shiva. the show’s philosophies and vocabulary owes so much to south asian culture and the lack of representation in that aspect alone is shocking.

2. references to the fact that there are some air nomad survivors / descendents in hiding in various and that being a late s2 / s3 subplot. (maybe aang is still the last airbender tho? but certainly his culture won’t die with him). the culture isn’t perfectly preserved / has changed with time and enduring hardships, some things have been lost, but there are still survivors clinging on, proud. maybe it’s this community that helps with him the avatar state, not a random guru? or they could help him with his s3e1 dilemma about ‘blending in’, as many of them have discarded certain aspects of appearance in order to hide? i feel like this could add so much to aang’s arc in the latter half of the show.

3. better writing of the white lotus, with the white lotus as a international resistance org that operates in all nations, that uses old man’s pai sho club as a front. they’re introduced as opposing the dai li in ba sing se, as trying to organise resistance in secret, have ties to some local revolutionary/radical factions as they have a long standing rivalry with the dai li (& part of the reason the dai li side with azula is to crush the white lotus and resistance to their reign). iroh is not grand lotus but merely gets recruited in s2, as part of a redemption arc.

4. a subtle iroh redemption arc where iroh realises he cannot simply be passive and perhaps let the treasonous thought ”hm, maybe it would have been better if the avatar fought sozin” cross his mind - he needs to take a more active role in opposing the fire nation, and he joins the white lotus. i think he also needs to reckon quite specifically with the cost of the siege of ba sing se, he needs to make amends to those hurt from it on both sides - be confronted by fire nation defectors who left after the siege because why were their deaths less important that his son’s? as well as encounter how the siege left scars on the lower ring, in a less visible way (untrained lower ring residents formed resistance militia and generally died in huge numbers; plague and starvation greatly affected the lower ring, etc.). no iroh as a moral authority here - he’s morally grey trying to become good. also he doesn’t stick around in ba sing se, he realises the jasmine dragon, as lovely as it is, isn’t true redemption either, and at the end of the series he stays in the fire nation.

5. leading into point 3 (and 4): in s3 the gaang encounters and works with grassroots underground resistance in the fire nation. i think this is a better message than ‘oh the fire nation is a soceity ridden by class division that exploits its poorer / less privileged people and its own environment as long as it doesn’t affect the elite, and turns even its most privileged children into traumatised child soldiers and is indirectly hurt by its own colonialism and imperialistic culture, and that’s deeply sad’ - i think a better message is ‘the fire nation is a society with all those problems and you can do something about it. you can stand up. even though that’s scary.’ this resistance group is around for day of black sun (in fact they’re vital to it) and then you see a key member in boiling rock too.

6. no combustion man. honestly? weak writing. would much prefer zuko attempting to ‘stealthily’ track the gaang on the false premise of a ‘welcome home tour’ where he slips out under night to try and chase them down - this would mostly be alluded to in a few scenes. i also think this would get zuko to realise how much the fire nation itself has been hurt from war. i think the main early s3 plot points e.g. the beach episode still happens, as does the war meeting. i feel like zuko would need extra firepower to be a decent s3 threat - maybe he takes mai and ty lee with him? zuko ultimate lesbian ally takes bored lesbians from the palace for a knife throwing chi blocking field trip kjfshdj i’m joking. but seriously we could also have a combustion bender on board as well as a potential new character (i’m imagining someone like a younger p’li if i’m honest, same age range as zuko), as long as they have a character beyond being a scary assassin. maybe they defect early to the resistance group before the day of black sun, tell zuko they should too (but zuko doesn’t listen)? that’d be rad.

7. the existence of grassroots resistance would basically allow for the series to end with zuko being offerred the crown, but deciding to give it up / end the royal line. rather than a power vacuum, or iroh, the existance of resistance means there are clearly people (i.e. adults) who can fill that space. maybe this is a bit optimistic of me but i would just love to set up a scenario where zuko doesn’t become a boy-king of an imperialist nation and where absolute monarchy doesn’t continue, where there’s a clear shift in system. i understand the narrative power of zuko acknowledges he has inherited wealth and power that has been gained through exploitation and imperialism, and dedicating his whole life to undoing the damage his family has done, but i think he can do this without being the fire lord? in fact not being the fire lord is a good first step. zuko finds another way of doing exactly this.

8. talked about this a lot recently but better toph s3 representation & greater ties to the earth kingdom. also, i’d just appreciate a lot more flavour from the earth kingdom as a whole, and more prominent characters from there?

9. okay i’m not sure there is quite honestly space in the narrative for an azula redemption clearly on screen in as much depth as zuko’s but 1. i’d like iroh not to treat her horribly, thanks, and maybe even try to reach out to her at appropriate moments, maybe we see him (comically) say a lovely warm hello during her s2 appearances, maybe we see her play pai sho with him in s3 while he’s in prison in return for some secret info he’s not actually giving her while he’s not-so-subtly suggesting she should defy her father (but it’s too little too late, he already *chose* zuko in her eyes, and perhaps he did and is only just beginning to realise that) 2. i would like some hope and optimism at the end for azula. her breakdown is truly tragic but it feels like pain for pain’s sake in a sense - i would have loved for the finale scene with zuko & ozai replaced with a scene where someone visits azula and tells them they’ll be there for her and/or they love her. perhaps iroh, perhaps zuko (though i think that one would be more complicated obviously). i would love a post-finale scene where iroh sets up a tea shop somewhere in the fire nation where we see azula out the back, finishing up wiping down/mopping the patio, and before aang goes inside to say hi to his friends, we see them bump into each other - azula bows deeply, a clear apology, and aang accepts it. then we see azula runs off to go hang out with some friends before we follow aang inside as he encounters his own friends.

basically i’d rewrite a lot of s3. i’m dearly, dearly attached to s3, especially the second half, which has some of my favourite episodes of the entire season, but i think it’s flawed.

#drowning-in-cacophony #long post #sorry this ended up being REALLY long

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youeverfeelcursed · 4 years

Text

On The Narrative of The Last of Us 2 (1 of 2?)

I am impressed by how many people are hating on this game and its narrative when I’m finding it how amazing its written even though it broke my heart in so many pieces I’m not sure I’ll be able to stick them together for a while. Reading most of the arguments against the game it feels like people are simplyfying the story of both game to worrisome levels.

This is going to be a long text, and obviously, it’s going to be FULL of spoilers so: SPOILERS AHEAD.

Let’s start by going back a bit and into the Last of Us.

Naughty Dog and the importance of being human: The Redemption of Joel

I think before we start we need to talk about the most important detail of The Last of Us franchise - onwards TLoU - and that is that its never been about zombies, or survival, or Joel or Ellie but about humanity, or better yet, about what is being human and what makes us human. It doesn’t matter if its Part 1 or Part 2 but keep in mind that this concept is the driving force of this story, subtly hiding in our protagonists and their friends stories. You wont find easy blacks or whites in their storytelling, because being human is not that simple.

Now that we have that clear, keep in your mind too the word monster.

With TLoU - Part 1, we get in the skin of Joel Miller, an assholish smuggler based in Boston. From the beginning we can see that Joel is not a good person and through the whole game is heavily implied that he’s been less that nice to humans to survive. The player can “easily” forgive these flaws of him because we can empathize with the lost of his daughter during The Outbreak but even if we empathize we can’t just ignore that Joel is not a hero, he’s just a broken survivor.

Many people think that TLoU is all about the connection of Joel and Ellie, but in the end it’s all about Joel and his “redemption”, his coming back up from being a murderer, a smuggler, a shitty person to a human with feelings again, with so many feelings he makes the worst decision for the survival of humanity: he saves Ellie. He saves Ellie because he cares, because he learnt to care so much that he put his own selfishness above humanity’s well being. He’s battled thousand of zombies along the way but we know they are mostly not aware of their actions anymore, they can’t choose to hurt people, they just do it because it’s what they do but Joel made a conscious decision. A horrible decision.

And after, he lies to Ellie. He takes the chance of deciding about her own life only because he desires to keep her alive. And this is what it is about, how beautiful can it be to be human, and how horrible can it turn into.

TLoU Part 2, the death of Joel and the descent of Ellie.

We begin Part 2 with Joel narrating what happened in the hospital to a flabbergasted Tommy. I’m not sure how most people felt during this sequence but during it I felt shitty for actually being happy that he saved Ellie, which was alleviated by Tommy’s acceptance of it (”I can’t say I’d have done different”). I’m not sure if I were to be Tommy I would have reacted the same way, but props to him for forgiving his brother.

So times passes and we land on Ellie. This is where everything begins.

The transformation of Ellie is like a trainwreck, you know it’s going to end badly but you cannot stop looking.

When we get control of Ellie we get our old Ellie back, maybe a little less cheerful but it’s normal, she’s already 18 and she’s been hit hard by life, multiple times. Still we can see that underneath all that tough and grumpy behaviour (I mean seriously, she’s just like Joel) there’s the Ellie we loved from the first part.

Up to the point Joel is killed.

Oh how I fucking hated that moment and it’s not because it felt stupid - it truly didn’t to me - but because I was at the same time expecting it, and not expecting it. Because that’s how death gets to you and I found the setting horribly marvelous.

Many people think that his dead was stupid, that he didn’t go in a grand way but just simply got his face smashed by Abby. I hated it, because the whole scene I was like Ellie hoping for Joel to pull through and save himself, I couldn’t believe he would die in the first 3 hours of the game!! Naughty Dog what the fuck!?

But you know. That’s it. That’s the point. Things come and go and most of the time we don’t really expect what happens. And it’s traumatizing, it’s unbelievable, it’s shitty. But it’s life. One night I was saying goodnight to my dad, the next day he was dead. It happens. Death is not grand, death is not heroic most of the time, it just is.

And that’s the feeling that they manage to convey, that it’s not real. We are feeling the same feelings as Ellie, thinking that somehow, in some crazy way he’ll be back to come back. But he won’t. There’s a grave. And yet the feeling is there. If Joel’s death had been shown differently, we - as players - could find some closure, but this way? This way we are stuck. Just like Ellie.

Just like the beginning of the end of Ellie. Because the next part is all about losing yourself. We can see it in tiny details like Ellie’s hair. In Jackson, she’s got a tight bun, controlled and when she and Dina are getting to Detroit, part of that bun is loose as an analogy of her slow demise, how she slowly loses control. It’s also represented by the weather, with one of the most ruthless scenes happening during the huge storm of Detroit: Mel’s death.

It would be easy to just blame this turning into a monster on Joel’s death, but there’s multiple factors affecting Ellie during this time, apart from the trauma from watching Joel be killed in front of her own eyes.

The first one is that she was forced to miss the chance of being useful, useful as a cure for the whole world, for her life to have meaning. It must be really hard to love someone so much - Joel - and hate them at the same time, and plus to all of that, you dont get the chance to forgive them because it was ripped from your own hands.

Next is what she deems as a betrayal from Dina, her pregnancy. This is where the queer theme comes strong, because who hasn’t been in a situation in which we feel we will lose our loved one to the straight ex? The feeling of being powerless specially because Jesse is her friend. She loves him, she loves them both. But it’s obvious she doesn’t feel worthy of Dina, and when the pregnancy comes, it just pulls at her strings. She starts to go alone on missions, reckless crazy missions distancing herself from both of them to the point she crashes hard and makes Nora talk.

Ellie much to our liking and hate, grew up under the care of Joel, a sweet and wonderful man with his own troubles but a great problem of sharing his feelings, something I feel was passed to Ellie. She doesn’t speak of her feelings, she keeps them inside until they break her apart, so this descent wasn’t caused by just one simple happening, it was a collective of shitty feelings. And we could argue, “but its obvious Dina likes her!”. Well yeah, it’s obvious to us, but for someone that lost so much so fast, how obvious can it be?

Finding Abby is not just about revenge, is about having control over her life. That’s something she can do, she can find Abby kill her and get revenge for Joel. It keeps her grounded while slowly plummeling her into turning a monster. Because sometimes we hold onto the most stupid things just for the sake of being grounded, even if that thing destroys what’s left of us.

I know many people were angry at how a LGTB+ was treated but I personally don’t think this demise would be as hardcore if it had been a straight white girl. If this representation is good or bad its up to everyone’s opinion but I personally think Naughty Dog did a good job in here. I know people are tired of traumatic stories, but there’s a lot to chew in this game to just reduce it to “sad gay story”. For the instance, Ellie is consciously destroying her own life, personally I think because she felt she should be dead plus everything mentioned beforehand. When she leaves Jesse behind to go get Abby instead of saving Tommy that’s the point of no return.

Well, there’s more to unravel but I feel this post is long enough already and we still have Dina, Tommy, Jesse and Abby to talk about. So I’ll take a breather and keep writing later. Sorry for typos and keep safe.

#the last of us 2 #the last of us 2 analysis #the last of us 2 spoilers #spoilers #the last of us 2 representation #tlou 2 #tlou part 2 #tlou II #ellie #dina #joel miller

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alolowrites · 5 years

Text

Acceptance

Summary: You and Kirishima enjoy a nice date at an amusement park until you relive a painful memory from your childhood.

Disclosure: I will like to disclose that the following story touches upon sensitive themes such as body image and bullying. Please proceed with caution. My inspiration for this story came from a personal essay I wrote in college a few years ago. I actually found my essay on my laptop (it was buried in a random folder, go figure) and felt the need to write a story about it.

~~~

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and Kirishima decided to take you out to an amusement park for a fun date. You really didn’t need much convincing; you loved spending time with your adorable boyfriend, so when he grasped your hands, bounced up and down, and beamed a smile at you, it was over.

You just had to go.

As you happily munched on a purple cotton candy, your attention drifted to the colorful, giant parachutes gracefully soaring up into the clear sky. Your neck craned upwards and you paused from eating your sugary cloud. You didn’t realize you stopped walking until Kirishima’s hands shook your shoulders.

You blinked. “Huh?”

“I said if you’re okay, babe,” he repeated and you nodded, but looked upwards again. Your boyfriend followed your gaze and a lightbulb flashed inside his head. “We should go on it! Looks like fun!”

‘Yeah, fun,’ you anxiously thought to yourself. Your feet remained glued to the concrete floor as your hand gripped the cotton candy stick tighter. A gentle tug pulled you back to the present and Kirishima stared at your with worried eyes.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? We can sit down and rest,” he suggested while his fingertips softly brushed against your left cheek.

You waved him off. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

‘You can do this,’ you encouraged yourself as the two of you walked to the line. ‘You can do this…’

You silently gulped.

Like a true gentleman, Kirishima allowed you to sit first.

You hesitantly lowered yourself down hoping he didn’t notice anything odd. The seat groaned under your weight causing you to shift a little. Your heart was nervously pounding against your chest as a sweat drop rolled down your neck. Your hands shook while closing the belt that snugged around your waist. A shadow loomed over you and you stared up to see the attendant clasping the metal bar above you and Kirishima.

You briefly closed your eyes before opening them again.

Your small hands excitingly gripped the metal bar as you waited impatiently for the giant parachute to fly up into the air. The ride hummed alive, elevating you and your mom just two inches off the ground before falling down. The attendant reassured you the ride will go and tried again. However, the ride refused to budge off the ground—

‘What the…’ you thought to yourself as you looked around alarmed. You were back in the present, but your mind was somewhere else. The fear inside you grew and your clammy hands nervously gripped the metal bar that kept you a prisoner in the seat. ‘No, no, no. This isn’t good. It’s happening again.’

—something was wrong, very wrong. Why were you still seeing people instead of ants? Did you and your mom break the ride? Why are some people pointing at you? Laughing at you? What’s going on right now—

The voices faded into the background. You were pushed into a tiny corner without any windows. As seconds passed, the air grew thinner and you couldn’t breathe.

You needed air.

You felt shame as your chubby legs rubbed against each other.

You needed to breathe.

You tried becoming small in your chair.

You needed to leave—

“I can’t do it!” You gasped loudly and hurriedly fidgeted with the seat belt wrapped around your waist. The belt refused to come off; it was as if you were trying to solve a 10x10 Rubik’s cube with a blindfold on and the suspense was killing you. Your rattled the metal bar while you legs kicked wildly to break free.

You finally pleaded: “Let me out! Let me out, please!”

Kirishima’s voice was trying to calm you down, but it was useless: you were in full panic mode. Finally, the attendant pressed a magical button and the metal bar rose up. Simultaneously, the belt broke its grasp over you. You instantly jumped off the seat and dashed through the confused, crowded line to escape the nightmare. Whispers erupted behind you—

—and your ears heard their snickers play like a broken record. You couldn’t hide from the shame and humiliation. Everyone’s eyes were on you—

You were back to the present.

You ran farther and farther away with no clue as to where your legs were sprinting off to. You were on autopilot and let your body take full control. You just ran, ran like a headless chicken. Ran like your life depended on it. Ran like—

‘Sorry, sweetheart. You’re too heavy; the thing won’t go up,’ echoed the attendant’s haughty voice. He was ridiculing you. He didn’t even bothered to hide his laughter—

The memory flickered back and forth. Past and present were interweaving into one and you had no control over this madness.

Your mom’s hand grasped your shoulder as she tried to shield you away from the cruel world. However, it was too late. This was the last straw for you fragile self-esteem and you wanted to hide. You wanted to leave this park and forget this incident ever happened, but your pudgy stomach that stretched outwards taunted you.

Haunted you.

Humiliated you so much—

Kirishima’s voice cut through the memory.

He yelled your name and seized your arms to keep you still. Through your blurry eyes emerged your boyfriend’s concerned face that hovered close to yours. With your cheeks flushed and mouth widely gaping at him, you tried to find your words, but nothing was coming out. Instead, your legs collapsed under your trembling weight and you dove into Kirishima’s warm chest.

Suddenly, the dam broke and fresh tears flooded down your skin. Your cried loudly into Kirishima’s shirt as your hands gripped the loose fabric for dear life. Kirishima’s arms instantly yanked you closer to him and he cradled your quivering state; his mouth softly shushed into your ears as a way to sooth you. He was letting you cry, but it hurt him to see you in so much pain.

It fucking killed him.

“It’s ok, I got you,” he murmured into your ear and kissed your forehead. “I got you.”

What felt like a lifetime, your cries were reduced into silent whimpers. You slowly detached yourself from the red-headed teen, but his hands kept a firm grasp on you. Your puffy eyes shamefully darted towards the ground since you didn’t want to look at Kirishima.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffed. “I shouldn’t have ran out like that. I just couldn’t do it. It was too much—”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he gently interrupted you with a reassuring rub on your back. One of his fingers lifted your chin and you finally stared into his warm, red eyes. “Don’t apologize. You had me worried over there. What happened?”

You bit your lip before letting out a shaky breath.

“Sitting on that chair triggered a painful memory for me,” you quietly confessed to him. “When I was a little girl, my mom took me to an amusement park. I saw the giant parachutes floating up into the air and thought it looked so much fun to ride on, so I begged my mom to go on it with me.”

You grasped your hands together and brought them closer to your chest. “I was so excited to fly up, but it didn’t happen. The attendant said we were too heavy and it wasn’t possible for the parachute leave the ground. As a little girl, I struggled with my weight; kids teased me relentlessly and called me horrible names. I tried smiling through the pain just like my mom, but I guess I didn’t have the same strength as her…”

Kirishima stayed silent as you continued. “Even though that incident happened years ago, I thought I was strong enough to push through it. But when I sat in that chair, it just triggered that same memory and I was traumatized again. I was that same little, overweight, heavy, fat girl all over again being laughed at. Feeling humiliated and ashamed. And—”

You felt the tears falling down your cheeks again. Kirishima pulled you into a tight hug as you sniffed into the crook of his neck.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, cursing himself for being so stupid. “I put you through all that pain again and it’s all my fault. I hurt you; that’s so unmanly of me!”

“No it’s not, don’t blame yourself,” you chastised him for even thinking that. “You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you. I never really told anyone if I’m being honest right now. It was something that I thought I should have kept buried, hoping it would just go away.”

Kirishima caressed your face with both hands and kissed your lips. Taken by surprise, your eyes remained wide open. However, you soon melted into the kiss and fluttered them closed to cherish the sweet moment between you two. Kirishima slowly pulled back, although his hands continued to hold your face.

He murmured your name and you hummed peacefully. “You’re the most beautiful and strongest person I’ve ever met. Those hurtful words don’t reflect who you are, they’re not true. What is true is that you were beautiful back then, you’re beautiful now and you’ll be beautiful the next day and forever.”

“It’s so hard to think that way,” you sighed in defeat. “After enduring all that bullying for years, the awful names and trauma still lingers in the back of my head. There will be moments where I feel comfortable with my body and appreciate my own skin.”

You paused for a moment. “But…one wrong move in front of the mirror and I see the flaws again. The laughter comes back and I hate how I look again. Then I wonder how you still even find me so attractive when you can do so much better—”

“No,” Kirishima fiercely objected. “I’m lucky to have you in my life. I’m lucky that you even took a chance with me. I probably don’t know exactly how you feel with your body every single day, but what I do know is that I love every inch of it. It’s soft, delicate, and powerful all at once. That’s what I see and I will remind you of this every day if I have to.”

Your heart fluttered at Kirishima’s sincere words and hugged him.

“Thank you…”

The little girl inside of you rubbed her tearful eyes and smiled through the pain. She believed him and your present-self did as well. The little girl took one finally glance at Kirishima through her eyes, your eyes, and disappeared into the darkness.

And you were at peace once again.

~~~

Thank you again for reading my story.

Just know that everyone suffers with their body image, including myself. Some days you may not love the person standing in front of the reflection and other times you will be amazed at what your body can do for you. Just remember that you are special, your body is unique and it is yours.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. It could be a family member, friend, doctor, therapist: anyone who is willing to lend an ear and help you get better.

#kirishima x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima x you #kirishima eijiro x reader #bnha x reader #mha kirishima #reader #bnha reader insert #red riot #kirishima eijirou #kirishima eijiro #bnha kirishima #body image #bullying #childhood trauma #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

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