#It's all just meat nobody cares much about - so why should he?

[cutielando]

Can we have a Lando x reader who's a little chubby?

a/n: as a chubby girl myself, i love this ❤️ but please remember guys, you are beautiful just the way you are and nobody should tell you otherwise !!! ❤️❤️

so sorry it took so long, uni has been kicking my ass and i haven't had much time to write :((

my masterlist

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You hadn’t always had doubts regarding the way you looked.

Seeing so many models around you at every step, feeling the eyes burning into the back of your neck and scrutinizing you for simply the way you looked. But you never cared about any of that.

You weren’t ugly, far from it. You were as beautiful as they come, but slightly a little chubby. You had some meat on your thighs and you weren’t afraid to show it off or feel confident in your body.

Well, that was before.

Ever since you started dating Lando, everything changed.

The amount of eyes that were on you before was nothing compared to the moment when you were introduced to the world as Lando’s girlfriend.

You had decided to keep your relationship a secret for the first couple of months, just until you tested out the waters and figured out what would come of the whole thing. You had tried to limit your expectations from the very beginning, knowing that Lando could leave you for anyone and nobody would ever know.

But it didn’t happen, and you were sure that what you had was real after months and months of expecting the worst.

After many talks, both you and Lando decided that it would be best for you to attend the Silverstone Grand Prix as your first official race as his girlfriend. It was his home Grand Prix, at the end of the way, he wanted you there with his family, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Are you sure you want me to come? I can stay back, I don’t mind” you said as you were waiting for Lando to finish getting ready so you could all leave for the track.

He looked at you, blankly staring at you. You’d had the same conversation 10 times since you guys woke up, and he didn’t know how to stress it well enough that he wanted you there with him.

“Baby, I don’t know how else to say this. I want you there with me, my family wants you there as well. Why are you so nervous?” he was holding your arms, softly running his finger up and down your soft skin.

You had the answer, but you didn’t want to give it to him. You already knew what he was going to say and how he was going to react, but you couldn’t lie to him when he looked at you with those eyes of his that stared deep into your soul.

“I know what people are going to say when they see you with me” you mumbled, staring down at your shoes.

Lando frowned, not understanding what his fans had to do with anything. Why would you care about what his fans would say? He didn’t, why would you?

“What do you mean?” he asked, bringing you closer to his body.

You sighed against his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist loosely.

“People are going to say things when they see you with me” your voice was small, unsure of your own words.

Lando’s eyebrows furrowed, confused as to what you meant. But he didn’t say anything when you sighed, letting you get everything off of your chest.

“I don’t look like the girls you are usually seen with, and people noticed that. They always have something to say about the way I look next to you and that I’m not like your exes and that you don’t really like me and are using me for clout. I know it’s not true, but sometimes they get to me” you confessed, a weight slowly lifting off of your conscience.

You weren’t used to being in the public eye as much as Lando, so you’d never before had to deal with people commenting about your appearance and judging every single thing you did or said.

It was something you took a while getting used to, but it was worth it if it meant being with Lando. And Lando was very grateful for all the sacrifices you had made for him.

“Baby, look at me” he said, taking your face in his hands so you would look him in the eyes. “I don’t care what anybody has to say about you. I love you for who you are, just the way you are. You’re gorgeous in my eyes and nobody could ever convince me otherwise” he said, speaking slowly so you could absorb his words carefully.

You looked at him, biting your lip as you studied his face and especially his eyes. They were sincere, holding more honesty and love than you thought you could ever comprehend.

“You mean that?” you whispered, feeling hot tears building into the corners of your eyes.

Lando smiled and leaned down, kissing you deeply. “I love you, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about us. We’re happy, nobody else matters”

You bit your lip again but nodded, prompting a big smile to break out on Lando’s face.

“Then let’s rock Silverstone”

♡♡♡♡♡

The paddock was buzzing when you arrived with Lando and his family. Dozens of fans were screaming your boyfriend’s name, and even though he smiled and waved at them while keeping his distance, you could tell his smile was not 100% honest.

You tried not to look at his fans if you could help it, knowing you would be met with some looks you’d be better off not seeing. Lando saw that, and he only wrapped his arm around your shoulders to keep you even closer as you made your way together to the garage.

“How are you feeling?” Lando asked once you were in the safety of his driver’s room, away from the screaming fans and photographers.

You smiled, your heart warming at the fact that his most pressing concern, even on the toughest race weekends, was you.

“I’m okay, you don’t have to worry about me” you reassured him, smiling lightly.

He looked at you for a moment, studying your face and eyes intently. He didn’t like knowing that his fans were not supportive of his relationship and of you in particular, he thought it was absolutely ridiculous.

“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable being here” he said, sighing before pulling you into a hug.

“I’ve known from the beginning that being in the public eye wouldn’t always be sunshine and roses. This is just an example of that, we can’t control it. People are allowed to have opinions, I just have to learn how to deal with them” you said, enjoying the warmth emanating from his body.

Lando nodded, but still felt like he should make it clear how wrong everybody else was about you.

He pulled away from the hug, only to take your face in his hands. “I want you to know that, no matter what anyone might say, I love you just the way you are. I don’t care if you’re skinny, if you’re a little chubby, if you have short or long hair, I care about you in any form. I love you for who you are, not for the way you look” he said, making tears well up in the corners of your eyes.

You had always known Lando loved you, but this right there proved it to you 1000 times over.

Not being able to resist, you practically threw yourself against his body, kissing him so fiercely you both became lightheaded. Pouring every ounce of love you felt for one another into a kiss, sealing a promise that you would always be there to lift each other up, no matter what.

Why?

Because nothing else mattered besides you two.

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[gremlingottoosilly]

The Horror and The Wild [Emperor!Konig x fem!Reader] Medieval Fantasy AU

You had a nice, simple life. Serve the princess, obey the princess, protect the princess with your life. You never thought that this nice, simple life would bring you to be kidnapped by the infamous Northern Emperor. Konig never thought that kidnapping a wife would be much easier than courting one. CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2| you're here! Word count: 5317 Tags/Warnings: Medieval fantasy/Alternative European history AU, Age gap, Enemies(one-sided)to lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Forced marriage, Size difference(Konig is absolutely huge), Somewhat one-sided slow burn, Yandere Konig This fic on AO3

— You’re really quiet, little princess. 

König isn’t ashamed of staring at you the whole horse ride. He isn’t ashamed of touching you, his precious treasure – cupping your breasts through that pathetic excuse of a corset, trying to feel of your legs through the billions of skirts, his touches sprawling across your skin like bruises. He is a soldier in all regards – his touches are far from gentle, far from how he should behave with his bride. You feel like a piece of meat being presented for him to devour. Like an unwilling sacrifice for a benevolent god. 

— Should I scream then?

Snarkiness isn't something that the princess should have – but it's the only weapon you have, although you are not sure if you can even use it. Emperor is laughing, and it is supposed to be a good thing – you were trained to receive such reactions, like a little dog standing and doing tricks on command; you were taught to strive for smiles on the faces of others. But König doesn’t allow you to see his smile, but König laughs all the time while describing to his soldiers the things he wants to do to you. It is almost surely, that he doesn’t think you know his language – you wish you didn’t know. 

— I can give you a reason to scream. — You shall not threaten a… — I’m not threatening you, kleine Katzen. With a good time, maybe. — What are you referring to? — That I would love nothing more but to rip your skirt off and show your cunt a royal treatment, princess.

Emperor has a foul mouth, wandering eyes, and grabby hands – he behaves like a drunk man in a tavern, even though you have never once been in a tavern, and the only drunk men you barely saw were the castle guards on various celebrations. He doesn’t act like a glorious king from the romance novels – and you don’t think that you ever read a novel about a king or an emperor, not about princes and glorious knights. People with this much power don’t deserve love, they already have everything they have – so why would he kidnap you? 

You turn away from him, the obscenity of his mouth makes your whole face burn. You are trying to hide yourself in your hands, you want to grasp something like a little fan or a handkerchief – everything to sustain your dignity. You are wearing the princess’s name and you have to behave like her – even if you don’t think that she would care about how you are behaving yourself. The dread of being exposed lingers in your chest, the only thing that doesn’t allow you to scream and launch on him like a wild cat. Rules and modesty tie you down stronger than any corset could. 

Like a rabbit caught in the hunter’s trap – you steal looks at the nature around you, excited and terrified to see it for the first time – not the perfect greenery of the castle garden, but an untamed nature. You saw the city for the first time – your capital, not burned and agonized under the empire’s boot, but eerie quiet. The city doesn’t know your face, the princess was hidden, kept in the tower as a means to escape the burden of marriage proposals and possible wars for the sake of securing her beauty. Nobody here knows you for your face, and for them, it’s just the empire’s knights, a power from a country too foreign to be worried about, and a random kidnapped girl in a dissarranged dress and tears streaming down her face. 

A hand on your waist secured you in place. No matter how much you squirm and cry, try to forget all the filthy nonsense he is whispering in your ear, you are forced to listen – and you want to cry every time his face hovers over yours. His hands are touching you, too much for comfort, your are still wrapped in his cape, but it’s a very small mercy for your torn dress and fragile body. 

The road is long and short at the same time. Your kingdom was bordering one of Northern Empire territories, but it’s days away – you never once thought that having the Empire right on your border would be such a nuisance, that it would allow them to simply take whatever they want from your tiny country – the rules of politics are never applying to those in power and, unfortunately, you found out the worst way possible. The road is treacherous, with people surrounding you, with soldiers going through the beheaded country like it’s nothing. You were biting your lips the entire first day of the ride, trying not to cry – you do not want to give him the pleasure of seeing your distress, but you can’t help but sob every time he exits the cabin to yell at his soldiers or laugh at something. 

You are not tied up, they trust you too much – they all know you would not be able to run, seeing just a helpless princess, a little war trophy of their emperor. The war trophy without the war, just a doll for him to enjoy. You steal a few glances at him – his spread legs that make you wonder how the poor horse even can handle him riding it, his mighty body, and his muscular arms. He could wrestle a dragon, you think – he could lift up the whole carriage and bring you back to the capital like this. He is a cocky bastard, not even having his sword in his hand whenever you move too much – too confident that this weak princess would not be able to resist him. You don’t want to fall from the horse and so you freeze in your tracks, even when they hit a small pause on the journey.

You can’t, of course – your hands are trained to hold clothes, to braid hair and, sometimes, fetch the water buckets – but you are mostly proficient in holding books, turning pages and embroidering. You can make tea, you can support the conversation, you can faint dramatically whenever the right opportunity occurs, but the ride has been happening for a few hours already, and you fainted three times – for specific reasons, of course, but fainting now would surely be a bit too much. 

— Is little princess too tired to hold herself straight? 

König chuckles in your ear, hands pushing you against his body. You don’t want to say anything, you’d rather continue your ride until you’re completely exhausted – books were never talking about how hard it is to ride a horse, that your rear would feel numb after the first hour, and your head would be bouncing on every little bump on the road. You never thought that the roads of your kingdom were so terribly maintained – and never thought it would be such a problem. 

You grit your teeth, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of confirming just how weak you are – but he stops his horse once you are not responding, a hand slides under your hips to help you get out from the damned animal. You swear to god that you will never ride this foul creature again – but the god, as always, stays silent. 

— What is it? 

— Princess isn’t used to long detours. We’d have to stop before dawn if we want to keep this a secret for now. — Could travel for a few more hours before it’s too bright.

His second-in-command is a weird man, no doubt. Tall, broad, wearing armor with tiger prints all over the metal – although you never saw a tiger in real life, only on various illustrations of the books you were reading for the Princess. He is painfully informal in a way that makes you wonder how he can keep his head on his shoulders – surely, if he’d talk this way to a king, he wouldn’t be such a profound member of the army. König only shakes his head, pointing at you as the reason to stop – as you begged him to get off this bloody thing. — I need my princess with all innards intact. Especially the soft ones.

Emperor laughs, cupping your ass through the skirts. He somehow managed to grope your softness without breaking the corsage, and you’d feel thankful for him, but the dress was ruined anyway – all the hard work of redoing it over and over, every time you had to manage to squish the princess inside of the harsh corset and billion skirts, every little detail you were thinking through together…it feels somehow suitable, to wear a destroyed dress. Fake princess deserves fake luxury, but even the modesty he allows you to have with his coat wrapped around you feels forced.

Stopping right now, when you feel numb and your legs are getting weak and squishy like that weird transparent foreign delicacy, is very considerate of him. So much so you don’t even want to acknowledge it, hoping he’d just continue to go forward until all the traces of your past are gone. You’re too tired to consider anything from escaping to even opening your eyes. Suddenly, being on a horse of this size doesn't sound like something out of a fairytale. Suddenly, you realize that the horses are tall. 

— What’s wrong, princess? 

— I’m not going down.

You are sitting, frozen on top of his horse. One of your hands is keeping his coat wrapped securely around your body while the other squeezes the reins, hoping not to fall miserably to the ground. You hear soldiers laugh – the embarrassment spreads around your cheeks when you understand that a true princess would have horse riding lessons. You two never did – it would give you too much freedom, and your castle would never accommodate to large grounds of free roaming to keep a princess and her loyal maiden entertained. You can only hope they won’t think that the absence of your riding lessons would be too suspicious – and you also hope that he would just allow you to never jump down to the ground that feels horrifyingly far from you. 

— Do you wish to run with my horse? 

— Yes, your Highness. — Run, then. I’ll be waiting, little princess.

There is a laugh in his voice – you squeeze the reins and try to holster them, maybe kick the foul creature to the side so it would take the hint and start running in the direction of the nearest forest. Maybe you would get lucky, and the horse would drop you in front of the house of a kind forest witch that would take you as her student – you can cook, and you can read, so, naturally, any witch would be happy to have you as a disciple. Maybe you will get even more lucky, and the horse will kick you in the head after dropping you, finishing your misery in a tragic road accident. Not a honorable death, but a quick and interesting one. The horse remains frozen in place – just like you. König gently caresses its face, giving it something to eat – an apple, perhaps, a nice and tasty fruit, or sugar cubes, the delicacy that the princess would often indulge in but never gave you, or something of a…ah, this is it – you are starting to get jealous of his horse. Mayhaps, death is the only choice for you now. 

— I will run. 

— Of course you will. 

— Sir, should we prepare the archers? 

— Don’t know it yet. Maybe the princess escape would be too swift for them. 

You feel your whole face burn – they laugh, they all laugh, looking at you like a piece of meat, a funny joke between them. You don’t want to fall from the horse, and you don’t want to stand here either – but every time you look down at the ground that is so, so far away, you can only shake in your seat. You feel like crying once again – and this is what brings you to the edge. With a deep sigh and shaking hands, you jump down swiftly, your eyes closed and your legs getting tangled in the various skirts, dragging you down. ***

The emperor had an understanding of what he was getting into when he kidnapped a princess. Princesses, pretty and young ones especially, are mysterious creatures that should be carefully studied by the imperial scientist in order to determine how in hell they can even exist without killing themselves on something stupid three times per day. This one, however, was a crowned ruler of weird girls – sometimes throughout the journey, he was thinking about returning her to the king and choosing another one. Then he remembered that he beheaded the king – and so, the bloody dot was sealed in the history of relationships between Northern Empire and this tiny shithole in the middle of nowhere. 

Besides, the princess was too adorable to really throw her out. She is smart – for someone like her, anyway; her snarkiness combined with the primal fear of him and his men made him feel strong, more significant than before. It’s funny, in a way – König had defeated countless great warriors and spent his life turning the tiny Empire into the most powerful nation on the blonde, and yet, he never once felt this achieved as when he held the princess in his arms. The emperor never thought of marriage as a necessity, his whole magic endeavors securing that he would never have to worry about leaving an heir or having someone else to rule – but the loneliness can hit you like a royal stallion bred for the purpose of battery ramming into castle doors, and you can find yourself yearning for something that you never thought you’d want. Speaking of royal horses…

The princess is cute, the princess is dumb, and the princess is the most weird and perfect creature in the whole wide world. Makes him wonder just what was you doing in your little castle with your little servants, running around like ants under your dainty heel. You are snarky to him when you know that he is too busy to strike you and too tired to care about his opinion – he likes that about you, little yawns and feeble attempts to appear strong in front of him. He doesn’t, however, like the way you are frozen on top of his horse. He needs his wife helpless, yes, dependant on him in everything – and he also needs her to ask for help when needed, not…well, not jumping from the height of a royal horse in that stupid dress of yours. 

God, hive him strength. 

König, the ruler of the Northern Empire, biggest royal regime on the globe, thought that he overcame his anxiety when he was young, so long ago, he forgot how fast his heart can beat when the situation is going out of his control. He remembers this dreadful feeling now when that stupid brain of yours has decided that jumping from a horse is a good idea. He is fast, swift enough to catch you before you fall to the ground, and he squeezes your hips enough to hear the crack of that stupid dress construction. 

He has to stop himself from yelling. From putting you in your place and slapping you across that perfect face of yours – never the one to beat women, König feels like spanking the shit out of you now. His eyes are flashing with anxiety, and he grabs your shoulders, putting you in front of him – you can’t see his face, covered by his mask, and it’s a small grace for someone like you. He is scary when angry, nostrils flashing with rage when he thinks that you’d rather break your neck than ask him for help. 

— Made others set the camp for tonight. 

Horangi is as perfect as a knight can be – his friend, his partner in crime, one of the only ones who still can survive his temper and not be intimidated by it. He can see the worry in his eyes when König is pushing the little princess down to his hold, draping the various skirts across his hands to rip them away – and he quickly yells at the other soldiers who produced the operation, making them run in various directions to collect wood, stones and set up the tents for tonight. They have to move away from the popular roads, even though nobody in this kingdom would be strong enough to hurt them anyways – but this operation should be a secret, at least relatively, until the princess is secured as his empress, and her body is sprawled across his sheets, withering from pleasure and…

Ah, Scheisse. König cannot stay mad at her when the mere thought of her smile makes his dick twitch in his pants. He survived through horribly throbbing erection against the metal plates of his armor for the whole ride, the small mercy of not having her soft body press against him directly. It didn’t stop him from wanting more, from whispering filthy things, completely undeserving of your virtue. You are bringing him down to his knees – even an emperor is just a man when a pretty girl looks at him, and even at is age, he could feel like a young lover searching for his bride’s hand. 

Oh, but König would love something more than just your hand. 

He should be thankful to his knights for how quickly they made a tent for him to secure the dignity of the first moment between a man and his sweetheart. He usually does everything himself, not wanting to make a lady in waiting out of his knights, but he enjoys their help now – he surely won’t be able to prepare for sleep with his wild cat of a bride in his hands. You are unusually active for a princess, trying to get out of his hands, kicking him with your adorable legs, still wrapped in a ruined skirt. Perhaps you were so mad at him for destroying your dress – he gets it, knowing how sensitive ladies are about this. He’d buy you a new one right away, but, for your stupidity, you deserve to wear only his coat until they are inside the borders of the Empire. 

— Did you hit your head before I got you, princess? What were you thinking? — You told me to run. I did, Your Royal Highness. 

He pinches his nose through the mask, not believing just how arrogant you sound – he wants to push you down, to open that dumb skirt of yours and give your precious ass a few spanks before setting you down, making you sit on the ruined muscle until you’d learn your lesson. The king was definitely not punishing you enough if you still think that you can talk to your betters (and elders) like this. 

— I dared you to run. Thinking you’d accept the consequences with the dignity of a royal lady. 

— Why don’t you kill me then? For belittling your dignity. 

You look too snarky for his liking – he can see how terrified you are, little shakes of your hands and tears in your eyes. You are provoking him, picking the dragon with a stick so he’d burn you to a crisp. König knows that the customs of your kingdom value a good death over everything and just how much you’d love to fall into the grasp of a common tragedy. He also knows that he will not bury his bride before they are even married. 

It’s only natural that the emperor grasps the front of your dress, the edges of the corset you tried to tie down to save some of your dignity. The fabric rips with ridiculous ease, all the gold spent on making it runs with the speed of a thread being torn. Suddenly, your front is exposed, even the underwear is not enough to conceal your privacy. König indulges in the view of your open skin, glossy from sweat and so, so delicious in dim magical light erupting from an artificial candle. He knows that he is playing a dangerous game, that not touching you now would be his greatest accomplishment and greatest torture at the same time – your body meant to be touched, you look like a doll and like a statue, like the greatest treasure and the most desirable slut he ever laid his eyes on. 

The emperor is a man in the end – a war dog, closer to death than to the start of his life, a perfect incarnation of a horrible match to a young princess like you. Too wrathful, too arrogant, with more chips on his shoulders than the hair on your head, and yet, he holds you closely, putting you out of the torture device you are calling a dress. 

You breathe for the first time in forever, and your mouth is shaking from unspoken tears and spoken pleas. He holds himself back from cupping your face in his hands and crushing your lips in a kiss, not because he doesn’t think he deserves it, but because you deserve better than to be fucked on the ground of his tent without proper preparation and some relaxing oils for your body. One kiss would never be enough for him, and he hadn’t touched a woman in far too long to handle himself properly now. 

You look like you need to be ravaged – the greatest temptation König ever experienced. 

— I can do so much to you, little princess. More than you could ever imagine. 

— i’m not…n…not little. Your Highness. 

— You are, compared to me. Should be scared, not snarky. 

— I’m not snarky. 

Just for this, he loses control – your voice, shaking with tears but never losing that arrogant edge, that delicious drawl that cannot be described as something that belongs to a princess, makes him lose all of the composure he had. König had prepared himself for a lady who would fall in his arms and cry the whole night long, he prepared himself for a fierce fighter that would try to kill him immediately – but you are soft and vengeful at the same time, too weak to resist him, but not too helpless to not run his mouth. You speak before you think, and it’s an adorable quality for a princess and horrible – for an empress. good thing you would be his regent, a pretty thing like you should never be annoyed with politics and mingling. König pushes you across his lap, his free hand is tearing through various skirts, and what is left from that awful strick construction you tried to pass as a skirt support. He never understood why anyone would live through this torture – you’d look way nicer in his shirt and nothing more. Or, even better, nothing at all, chained to a bed in his bedroom until he’d think that you are tamed enough to be shown in public. 

You yelp in surprise, precious dumb thing. Just like a princess, you are not accustomed to the consequences of your own actions – you think that you can just run your mouth or do dumb things without his wrath falling upon you…and, little princess, you’re in for quite a shock. Your emperor doesn’t have enough patience for this, even though he did want you as his wife and knew what chaos it could bring. He just never thought that he’d have so much pleasure in looking at your adorable bottoms, all modest and long. Your underpants are adorably white, not stained from multiple washings, crisp and new – he feels the fabric with his fingers and almost thinks to not rip them away, just to appreciate the fine silks that went into constructing it. 

His mercy is cut short by that sweet whimper of yours. You plead with him not to touch you – like you have a saying on this. König defiled the death itself, so why would he even consider such silly things as chastity before marriage? He certainly had enough women in his bed to forbid him from ever going to heaven, and robbing you of your innocence would be a small crime against all the countless sins he already committed. 

But, he doesn’t want you to hate him – and you would, certainly, not in the fiery and passionate way he might enjoy, but a quiet, broken anger. He doesn’t want to turn this fragile thing into the broken shell of the betrothed princess, even if you need to be taught a harsh lesson – and you deserve much better than having your cunt destroyed on the harsh floor of his tent. 

— You’re lucky, little princess. 

He laughs, taking down your underpants – a harsh hand on your bottom, rough fingers that almost burn you without a glove to conceal his touches. You whimper when he lashes on the sensitive skin, stroking sensitive skin. If you knew how hard you make him, you’d run away with his horse already. 

— How am I lucky? You…you killed the king, you destroyed my country, you…

— I killed your father, yes, but I left you alive. 

— To make a show for your soldiers, I assume.. 

— If I wanted to leave you to waste, I would allow them to bounce you on their dicks a while ago. 

— How d…

— You’re lucky because you’re mine, little princess. Not going to share you with anyone. But…

— But? 

Your voice has finally gone down. he can almost taste the dread in your tone. König was burning down villages, destroyed his enemies with nothing more but a rusty sword and hatred in his heart – but he truly feels like a monster when he slaps your ass for the first time and sees your tear-filled eyes staring at him. God, he never was faithful, but hurting you feels like defiling an angel. 

And he loves every second of it. 

— You need to learn a lesson of respect, little princess.

It’s a small grace that he doesn’t make you count his slaps – he simply pushes you down, makes sure that your face is lying on his cloak, just for something soft to rely on, and gives you enough slapping to make the rest of horseriding as painful as possible. Maybe, it would teach you a lesson that if you need help, you’d have to ask him, to beg him for this – and not try to hurt yourself by doing it on your own. You’re awfully independent and resilient for the princess. 

It took him at least five strong, harsh lashes of his hand on your rear to make you cry as loud as he wanted you to. He cups your face in his palm, forcing you up his lap – and smothered your lips with a kiss. König knows he is overstepping; he wouldn’t be able to let go of you after devouring your lips like that, but he doesn’t care, at least for now. He wants to be your everything, to push every thought out of your head and fill it with himself. 

He adores the thought of being your first kiss, your first everything – you’re so inexperienced, so fragile in his hold. Never once thinking of himself as an appreciator of all the thighs dainty and artsy, he wants to worship that pout, your closed eyes, and little prayers of mercy you whisper between each kiss. Your body feels too enticing in his hands, a treasure he needs to keep all to himself. It’s a miracle he didn’t push your underwear down and took you all the way – as much as he wanted to touch you. 

König smiled when you cried into the kiss, trembling in his hold like a caged animal. Never once he thought he’d have this much fun without taking some plumpy woman on his dick, but you are full of surprises. Another five smacks on your ass left you with a bruised bottom and tear-strained, wet face. The look of misery in your eyes made him cackle – god, you were adorable. Continue like this, and he’d spend the rest of his life with you on his lap. 

— We will sleep now. The Empire borders are still days away, and you don’t look like you could handle the road right now. 

You pout, pushing yourself off his lap. Even the hard floor of the tent was better, the cold fabric made your butt sting a bit less. You still couldn’t sit straight, still miserable, with a burning feeling in the depths of your tummy – hate, perhaps, that made your hands shake and your thighs feel a bit too wet and warm for your liking. There is a knot in your lower stomach that makes you feel weird, anxious, that makes you squeeze your legs shut as you push through the pain and get your underpants on again. The soft silks of the princess’s undergarments made you feel a bit better. 

— I’d love nothing more but to run away while we’re still at my home, Butcher.

He smiles under his hood, pushing his hand on your backside. You freeze as he rolls you over, making you fit perfectly against his broad chest. He is a horrible, disgusting human being, clingy and warm around you – his bear-like hold is too strong on your limbs, making you freeze completely. 

— I’m sure you are, Liebling. And I would love to catch you and spank your rear again. 

— I will…you won’t catch me. 

— Someone will. I’ll pay handsomely to any knight or wandering hunter to bring my wife back to me. 

— I’m not y…your wife. 

— Yet. 

You turn away from him – try to, at least. He squeezes you against his chest makes you calm down in his hold like a wild cat he picked up on the side of the road. You don’t want to admit it, but he is warm, cozy, and even the harsh fabric he threw on the ground to make you a bed feels nice compared to the castle floors where you spend so much time. You still squirm, trying to find a good position to lay next to him without feeling like a toy in the hands of a grabby kid. König feels your wounded, perfect ass grinding against him – out of most of his armor, he can’t contain his erection now. Oh, how the strong emperor wished he’d have 

— Stop moving, princess. Unless you want to consummate our marriage early. 

— I’m not…I’m not moving. 

— You are squirming. Is the ground not to your liking?

— I must prefer sleeping in a grave with my papa. — Can’t promise you this…but isn’t sleeping with the Death himself would be enough? — You’re not death, your highness. A blight, maybe. Or a plague. — You’re making me blush, little princess. There is a smile in his voice. You feel your cheeks heat up again, but you can’t say anything. Too many nights sleeping by the princess’s bedspot, always being the first one to greet her at sunrise and the last one to tell her stories before going to sleep. Like a loyal dog on the wooden floor, with a pillow under your cheek for comfort – all of her other handmaidens, precious ladies from good families, had their own quarters and rooms. 

You had a cot by her bed and her endless affection. 

Compared to this, sleeping on the floor of a rich tent with an emperor by your side isn’t as bad. You have to remind yourself that you are sleeping with a murdered, pillager, kidnapper and colonialist – you shouldn’t feel warm by his side. But, he hugs you like a lover. But, he buries his masked face in your hair and inhales your scent – sweet fragrances mixed with the blood and sweat of a long journey. 

You fall asleep in his arms before you can think of something smart to say. 

König doesn’t fall asleep until hour later – too busy looking at your precious form, wrapped so perfectly in his arms. 

[sulumuns-dootah]

25.12. Beelzebub - Sampling icing (18+)

    ༺☆༻

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

₊˚⊹.* The Yule festival of Hell *.⊹˚₊

‎���₊˚✧ 18+ Minors Do Not Interact‎ ✧˚₊‧

    ༺☆༻

“Try this one, it's blueberry.” a spatula with a blue tinted buttercream is handed to you by a tan hand belonging to nobody else than Beelzebub. You've been the taste tester for some of his new holiday recipes, many of which were just different icings and frostings.

There is some strange erotic energy to all of this. Maybe because he's wearing an apron with a picture of hanging meat and the words 'Well Hung' on it, making a rather obvious innuendo. Or maybe it's because he's not wearing any top underneath. Maybe not even pants, but you can't tell since that part of him is hidden by the kitchen island you're sitting at.

You've never eaten anything from him before and for a good reason. Everyone did warn you to never eat the things he makes, as they usually have grave consequences. Beel doesn't seem to mind that other demons refuse his cooking, but you still felt kinda bad about turning him down.

Now you're kinda glad you accepted. His cooking is good, but the mood in the room is so electric you can't help but feel an ever growing excitement in your lower belly. Hopefully your tasting will soon be over so you can go back to your room and take care of your need.

“I like the consistency of this one more, though. It also nicely stays on the skin.” Beelzebub grabs a piping bag filled with with pink frosting and writes the words 'Eat me' on the inner side of his arm. He shows it to you more clearly and the sudden wave of wanting to lick it all off hits you like a truck. You bite your lip and hum, trying to look like nothing's wrong, which causes him to chuckle a bit.

“You okay, sweetie?” he grins at you with a wink.

“Uh.. Yeah... It's just that the shade of pink looks good with your skin color.” you blush at his endearment and and run a hand through your hair to elevate the building tension in your body. If that's not the last icing, you won't be able to think clearly soon.

Beel sets the piping bag down and walks around the kitchen island and stands behind you. He softly takes a whiff of your neck and hums while chuckling. Before you can ask him what he's doing, his inner arm is held in front of your face. “Have some, tastes better than it looks.”

The sudden closeness to him makes the air feel more electric, like he's the cause of this whole arousing energy. You're not sure if he was serious, but you still lover your head and lick part of the 'E'. The flavor explodes on your tongue and travels straight to your pussy. The involuntary moan you let out seems to amuse Beel and prompts you to taste more. With a few more licks and moans the frosting is off his skin and the wetness you feel in your underwear is undeniable now.

“Enjoying yourself? I knew you'd like this one. Mabe I should also have a little taste. I bet you taste sweeter than any icing out there.” he whispers into your ear and nibbles on it while you're processing what he's just said. So he knew what he was doing and it wasn't just your imagination. The erotic vibe really was there. Wait... Is that why everyone avoids his cooking?

A deep moan coming from Beel interrupts your thinking. His hands are now on your hips and kneading the meat they're holding. Some of his fingers are under the waistband of your shorts that is slowly moving down. His touch is hot, unlike any demon you've met before.

“So what do you say, do I get to taste your icing?” he asks again, making sure you know what he meant.

The only way you're able to respond is a nod, which sets so much things into motion. All the bowls and utensils previously on the kitchen island are thrown on the ground and replaced by you, without your shorts. How and when they came off of you is a great mystery unknown to mankind to this day.

The barstool you've been sitting on this whole time is now across the room and in its place is kneeling Beel, still in that damn apron. Seeing him now whole you find out, he rally wasn't even wearing pants. He must've planned this from the beginning. He's licking his lips and trying to brush his hair out of the way.

Only now you realise how cold the marble countertop is, but not for long because the hungry demon before you spreads your legs and moans at the sight alone. You would do the same, but you're still shaken from your sudden transition from sitting on a stool to being the main course yourself.

You're expecting him to delve straight in with how eagerly he disregarded everything in the way of him getting what he wants, but to your surprise he reaches for the piping bag and writes something on your inner thighs. You push yourself up higher and try to peek down, but the angle isn't just right an all you can see from your angle is a mess of icing.

“Wondering what I've written? Oh, just marking my territory...” Beel snaps a quick photo on his phone that appeared out of thin air, or so you guess. There's no way he would have it on him, since the apron has no pockets and he's not wearing anything else.

He shows you the photo and the photo itself turns you on even more. It shows that he's written 'King's property' on your legs. But what draws your attention more is how dripping wet you are. That frosting really did a number on you.

When Beel sees your reaction, he's quick to set the phone aside and start licking the frosting off your legs. Many of his licks are followed by a bite to keep the words on your skin even after he's done with devouring you. It's already enough to make you come, but you desperately try to hold off.

Finally licking off the last bit, Beel's head rises slightly to make sure you're watching him dive into your aching pussy. His eyes are so clouded with lust you're surprised he can still contain himself. The apron is covering him fully, but there's no way his dick isn't aching too.

The moan that comes out of you once his tongue finally makes a contact with your clit was probably loud enough to be heard by anyone in the castle, but you don't care. There's no shame in being pleased by the king himself. If you were clearly thinking, you might feel a slightest tinge of shame, but not now. All you care about now is to come on his tongue.

You both seem to have that goal in common, with how feverishly he's lapping at your folds and sucking on your clit. The wet sounds making their way to your ears have you shaking with pleasure and bringing you much closer than you'd like to be. You try oh so desperately to last, but it's almost like Beel want the right opposite.

Despite your attempts at delaying your orgasm as much as you can, you come fast and with a scream, that surely woke up even Amon. The feeling of your pussy squirting is unmistakable and Beel rewards you with multiple moans and grunts while drinking everything up.

“Just like I expected. You're sweeter than any icing out there.” Beel gets up and takes off the apron to uncover his dripping cock, slowly stroking it.

    ༺☆༻

But wait, this demon also has a gift for you!

"I've made some cupcakes with inspiration from restraurants in Abaddon, want to help me find out what they do?"

[drwernicke]

I started writing about Miles' feelings in this one-sided camerashipping AU where he's living with the Parks, but then I decided to explore Waylon's side of things as well, and it turned into something like a fic. So uh. I'll just put it down here?

_______________________________________ Miles feels like… what the fuck even is he anymore? Undead? He's a monster, certainly, and that monstrosity is useful, but he feels like a strange warped, mockery of his former self. There's a power in hosting the Walrider, but it comes at the cost of his humanity and he knows he's frightening to Waylon. He's always told himself he doesn't need anyone else, and bringing down Murkoff is what matters, but now that's what he's been locked into, there are no other options /at all/. It's what he's wanted, isn't it? He does want it. But he's also been through something he can't even begin to process, and being the Walrider's host is deeply violating on even the cellular level. But he's not allowed to process that either, because where does that lead? He can't stop it. He shouldn't even want to stop it. He's always been fine alone, he shouldn't want company now.

But still human or not, trauma is a powerful neurochemical. Waylon is the only other man who's been through the same hell, and he's also risked everything he has to bring down Murkoff. They're aligned in their goals and were both willing to risk everything. And Waylon's still human, he has a family who loves him. Miles isn't jealous, but it also drives home how definitively, unchangeably isolated he is now. He's never really been able to connect even with any of the men he'd dated in the past, simply because they weren't ever 100% politically aligned with him, or he found something about them offputting, they were too superficial, etc. Maybe he was making excuses because life was easier alone, and nobody would care about the world like he does. About the things he fucking gives a shit about, like children in third world countries not dying of dehydration. Too bad fucking Brad wanted to talk forever about the shitty coffee at 7/11 instead.

Miles knows he should be grateful for what he's become. But there's so much he misses, now that he can't have it ever -- and he supposes that at least shows he still has a human mind in some way, weak and stupid and flawed. If he's never wanted it, why does he mourn it now? Why does it feel like every time Waylon is kind to him, that his sanity is teetering on the edge of some awful precipice overlooking some awful abyss, at the bottom of which rests a beast known as resentment and violence?

Maybe he's taking everything he can't have, can no longer have, and projecting it on Waylon as a symbol for it all. But there had been a few moments in hell itself, perhaps in the administration block, when he'd wondered what their lives would be like if they survived this nightmare together. There's things you can't go through without it changing you fundamentally from the ground up, and then whether you want it or not, you're entangled with whoever else went through the meat grinder with you, like quantum states. Waylon has more commitment to setting right what he can of the world than any man Miles had ever been with. But Waylon Park is fucking alive, and Miles Upshur is a rotting corpse of a man held upright by a murderous nanohazard.

And the fucking punchline to the whole shitshow: Waylon Park has a wife, and two kids, and there was something comical in that the first crack in Miles' sense of self would be to latch onto a married man. He can tell Waylon's kindness is strained. And why the fuck wouldn't it be? He has a dead man living in his house, and that dead man is a weapon. You show kindness to the weapon, because you don't know if it'll kill you, or worse, make you feel guilty for indirectly killing what it was in the first place.

Most nights, Miles drinks enough coffee it would give him a heart attack if he still had a working heart, because he doesn't trust himself with REM sleep. _______________________________________

Not everyone goes through hell and brings the devil home.

It's not a kind thought, and Waylon hates it, but there's always a kernel of truth at the core of the operating system. Or something like that. Miles Upshur is great company, and most days, Waylon doesn't even think about the fact he's living with the Parks for their own protection. That feels reductive; Miles is far more than that. If it weren't for Miles, Waylon would have never returned to Lisa's arms, bloodied and broken, but whole. But this isn't just about what Miles has done for him, or what he can do for them. If it weren't for Waylon, Miles would have never ended up in Mount Massive. If it weren't for Waylon, Miles would still have his fingers. He does complain about it so often, always in the tones of gallows humor, but Waylon knows there's a deep hurt behind it.

If it weren't for Waylon, Miles would have never become the host.

But this isn't about gratitude or guilt. Miles is genuinely great to have around; he cooks breakfast sometimes. He walks around singing along badly to Madonna, the B-52's. He gets along great with the kids. He's shit at Mario Kart, but so is Waylon. When he, Waylon, and Lisa work together, compile notes and liaise and network with other anti-Murkoff operatives, Miles is efficient and determined on a level that inspires Waylon. He cracks jokes, he rips people to shreds, and it makes Waylon and Lisa laugh. He makes Waylon type up the reports because it takes him forever, and Waylon does so, guilt heavy in his heart.

But this isn't all about guilt.

Miles encourages him through his rehabilitation, as Waylon slowly gains sensation and stability in his leg. Miles likes shitty beer, and Waylon's learned not to complain too much about it. Sometimes--many sometimes--Miles screams in his sleep. The boys have learned to expect it. There's nothing conventional about their childhood, not anymore.

Waylon has learned not to look at Miles through the night vision of a camera.

When Simon Peacock emails them warnings of potential intruders, Miles stays watch like a guard hound, sipping another one of his shitty Pabst Blue Ribbons. On one of those nights, there are terrible screams, but they're not from Miles.

In his dreams, Waylon hears Lisa screaming, his boys, and finally, himself.

They are mutinous dreams. But more mutinous is the waking thought that Miles sometimes lingers in his presence. He always looks away when Waylon looks, and it makes Waylon wonders if he's accidentally fostering something far worse than a monster. But Waylon knows he has his own trauma to work though; he sees attraction where there is none, and wouldn't it make sense to fear something that already elicits fear in most?

Someone. Not something.

There was the time his eldest had cut his hand playing, and Waylon had been so afraid of what in the air could seep into his blood.

He worries himself sick about Lisa. All those phantom pregnancies.

In the early morning, Miles is painstakingly typing away on his laptop, seated at the breakfast table. The sun's rising, warm golden light streaming in through the windows, and Waylon has no doubt Miles has been up all night; the scent of coffee hangs heavy in the air. Waylon wonders if Miles needs, or even wants, to sleep anymore.

Waylon doesn't know what Miles is, aside from on a purely codified level. He doesn't know what Miles wants, aside from on a purely ideological level.

He pours himself a cup of coffee, and wonders what he's breathing in.

[squ1dteeth]

My thoughts on the newest helluva boss (mostly critical)

Man, usually I am in the boat of "critical, but ultimately still love it" with these season 2 eps, but Unhappy Campers might be the first I've hated.

Moxxie and Millie felt like their motivations should have flipped. Millie's need for validation came out of nowhere. She's objectively the most useful and competent member of the team and nobody has ever told her otherwise. Why would she be getting sidetracked by the compliments of some random humans? Moxxie's whole thing is loving and supporting her so Millie acting like he doesn't write more than one song about how amazing she is is really strange.

Likewise, Moxxie does need validation but his attention seeking behavior was really off. One of his strengths is he's a talented songwriter but he basically just wrote a song that went "Me me me me me?" and it just...didn't feel like him. I was watching the episode with a friend and I had so much secondhand embarrassment watching Moxxie make an ass out of himself.

I think the episode would have worked much better if their roles had been swapped. Moxxie has been the narrative's punching bag, especially this season, and it would be fun to have an episode where he is praised for once, but it goes to his head. And Millie feeling jealous, but then realizing her husband needs her support the same way he supports her, would be adorable and make sense for their first real moment of tension onscreen.

There's other ways it could have made sense too. We know very well Moxxie has daddy issues, and his need for Blitz's approval stems from the fact he's an older male authority figure. So what if there was a very fatherly camp counselor there that Moxxie wanted the approval of? In my opinion, this would make much more sense, because since when do M/M care about what humans think of them? Up until this point in the show, human characters have all been disposable meat sacks, with no traits other than dumb or violent. Not only humans, but human teens. It's just very cringeworthy to me since it's such an out of nowhere urge for these married adults to want teens to fawn over them.

Also, from the moment Moxxie said their characters were siblings, I knew it'd be an incest joke. And yeah it did happen...in the worst way possible. Is no one gonna talk about how they stripped down and banged for an audience of preteens? Yes, I get it, it's hell, the characters suck, blah blah blah but not with M/M. I could see characters like Blitzo or Verisoka doing that but M/M? Besides the pegging, I feel like the jokes always been that they're vanilla by hell standards. Moxxie got mad that Blitz watched them fuck and their whole plot in Ozzie's was about how he refused to publicly declare his lewd feelings for Millie. But...they're exhibitionists now, I guess, because this show is no longer about assassination, it's about character assassination.

(Some positives to finish off this post. I really liked Barbie Wire! Her design as a human especially. She's gorgeous and I wish we could have had more of her and Blitz. Also, the backgrounds and shading/lighting are better than ever. I'm a huge fan of the appearance of the sloth ring and the moody pink lighting it comes with. Helluva may irk me with its writing sometimes but the art blows me away enough to keep watching.)

[nobodyfamousposts]

RotTMNT: Director Leo

Because I need humor.

And a break.

Raph: Hey, where's Leo? This is the third time he's missed movie night!

Donnie: Huh, I thought things had been more blissfully silent than usual.

Raph: We should probably find out what he’s up to! Knowing Leo, he’s probably setting up a prank or something.

Mikey: But shouldn’t we respect his privacy?

Donnie: Pfft! Privacy is an illusion. Just like boundaries and promises to not spy on your family.

Mikey: …why are you saying it like that for?

Raph: Donnie’s right! And I know just what to do!

(Five minutes later)

Donnie: (Banging on Leo’s door) Nardo, come out and tell your brothers you’re fine so they stop trying to check on you with my cameras…that I totally don’t have. (Knocks again) Nardo?

(He enters Leo’s room to find him gone. There’s only a poster with an address on his bed.)

Donnie: Hmmm…a good brother would respect his need for secrets. (Pause) But my need for information is greater, so I’m going to retroactively justify it by blaming him for the loss of the coffee maker.

(Donnie returns to his lab with the poster.)

Donnie: Well, he’s not in his room, but this was.

(The three look at the poster and discover it’s a poster advertising a play.)

Raph: It’s a play? So what?

Mikey: It’s opening night is tonight. Maybe he went to go see it?

Donnie: Or be IN it. Look.

(Donnie points to a section of the poster that includes the names of the cast and Leonardo’s name is included in the list.)

Raph: Leo? In a play?

Mikey: (Gasps) He’s been discovering his passion! We have to go support him!

Raph: Do we? Do we really?

Mikey: It’s his first show! It’s important!

Donnie: (Smirks) Maybe he’s a tree?

Mikey: (Hops on table) Then we need to support him to be the best tree he can be!

Raph: All right, team! Then the Mad Dogs are going to a play!

-----------------

(Raph, Mikey, and Donnie are happily walking to the theater where the play is supposed to be. Well, Mikey is happily walking, Raph is carrying an annoyed Donnie over his shoulder, who is complaining about not being allowed to have his phone.)

Donnie: I still don’t see why I can’t keep my phone.

Raph: It’s a play, Donnie. You have to put your phone away!

Donnie: But I need it!

Raph: Knowing you, you’ll just be using it to look up inaccuracies about the performance.

Donnie: It’s hardly my fault when they are right there and the production team couldn’t be bothered to do their research! It’s blatant misinformation at that point!

(Suddenly, something slams onto the ground in front of them.)

(Raph and Mikey look up to see the Foot Lieutenant and Foot Brute along with their origami minions.)

Donnie: (Facing the other way due to how Raph is carrying him) Wait, what’s going on? I can’t see. 

(Behind them, Hypno and Warren appear.)

Warren: AHA! Turtles, it is I! Your greatest adversary!

Raph: Donnie, what’s going on?

Donnie: Eh, there’s nothing of concern.

(Meat Sweats, Repo Mantis, and Ghost Bear appear as well.)

Donnie: Statement retracted. There is very much concern.

(Pretty much every villain shows up and surround the Turtles.)

Hypno: AHA! Turtles! Prepare to—

Raph: NO! NOT TONIGHT!

Warren: But—

Mikey: (Steps up, being the peaceful one and holding his hands out to show he means no harm) Look, our brother is in a play and their big performance is tonight, so we'd like to not be late.

Hypno: Ooo, a play? What kind?

Donnie: Something that will no doubt be littered with historical inaccuracies.

Raph: (Nudges Donnie to keep quiet) No idea. But it's still important!

Mikey: Yeah, Leo's going to be in it and we want to be there to watch and support him. It would really mean a lot for us to be there. So maybe we can fight another time? (Smiles brightly  n_n ) Pretty please!

Foot Leader: And why should we care?

Mikey: (Still n_n , pulls out his weapon and it starts to glow)

-----------------

(Backstage before the show)

Leo: Okay Leo. No need to be nervous. Nobody you know is going to be here to watch if you screw up. Just relax and imagine the audience is in their underwear or something. (Peeks out at the audience)

(Raph, Mikey, and Donnie are in the front row looking pleased with themselves. The seats around them are filled with all of their enemies, most of whom are tied up, in various stages of injury, and looking quite cross.)

Stagehand: Leo? You okay?

Leo: (Strangled noise)

[nightingalesighs]

Please I need to know about Jedi Zaeed or I will perish.

I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK ME ABOUT THIS.

Basically, it started out as me just fuckin around with the blorbos in my head. Teehee, Zaeed as a Jedi teehee. And then…I played myself.

And it comes from a desire to see a Jedi who absolutely loves what they do. Who loves their community. Who believes in what they’re doing. Until the war starts. Until there’s this shift after the Invasion of Naboo.

So like basically Zaeed is a Master by the time of the Invasion of Naboo. He’s got a Padawan, she’s been his Padawan for a few years now.

And it’s Zaeed watching this shift from keepers of the peace, diplomats, to weapons bwielded by a corrupt government. The galaxy theyve sworn to protect becoming complacent. Turning a blind eye to all that’s going on.

Not only living this shift but guiding a young person through it. Answering her questions. Seeing how she’s growing up in a different time than he had. In a different Order. Witnessing what this does to her. She’s Knighted right before the Battle of Geonosis.

And how he fights this growing resentment towards the government and galaxy he’s sworn to serve as they get closer and closer to war. Grows more pessimistic with each passing day and how this just increased tenfold once they’re drafted into the war. A war where their younglings are dying on the frontlines. And all the while, the galaxy doesn’t care. The galaxy isn’t even grateful. They’re cold. They come to distrust the Jedi Order. The galaxy that doesn’t even view the clones as human beings. Simply canon fodder.

And two years into the war, he loses his former Padawan. Attends her funeral and places her kyber crystal in the crystal arch. And his next mission, he and his men get sent through a meat grinder. Nobody liked it. Nobody wanted to do it. But it had to be done and he felt every life leave the men under his command.

He’s lost his faith. The galaxy doesn’t care; it’s intent on destroying itself and taking the Order down with it. He can’t stand to compromise on his morals any longer. Watch as his closest do the same because if the Order were to sit back and do nothing, the harm would be so much worse. They’re forced to play a game of harm reduction and it’s taking its toll. What is the fucking point? If the galaxy doesn’t care? Why should he?

He leaves the Order. The lost twenty become the lost twenty-one.

He leaves to seethe in his anger and hatred. Cuts himself off from the Force. Watches as the galaxy doesn’t even blink as the Order is destroyed and those that survive are hunted down.

Basically. Star Wars is my special interest. The Jedi order are specialest littol space wizards. And I’ve been fascinated how like. The Jedi honor the Masters that have left the Order. They talk about them, have busts made of them and display them prominently in the archives. They teach their younglings about these Jedi Masters that had made vows and then for whatever reason decided to leave the Order. There is no resentment towards them. They’re actually spoken of quite fondly! And how. In ALL the years the Order has been around only twenty Masters have chosen to leave. And I just wanted to explore what it would take for someone to make that decision.

So. Yeah. 😅 thank you for asking about this one!! It’s one of my favorites that I hope to actually get done one day. I love both Zaeed and the Jedi soooo much and I just. It’d be so much fun to explore imo XD

[shinobicyrus]

In a craven, pathetic, cynical, and transparently desperate ploy to energize his torpid 2024 campaign and match his rival Desantis, Twice-Impeached Ex-President Trump has shuffled out of his Florida tanning tank to join the gibbering chorus of Far-Right trans-panic by releasing a video on Truth Social. The full statement amounts to a hate-ridden, incendiary rant that proposes nationwide federal action that would threaten the health and well-being of trans people, in particular trans children, and will use the law to enforce a rigid, hetero-normative, cisgender social order.

You can watch the full video here on Forbes  if you choose to. I advise against it, personally. The years since his removal from public office and most social media seems to have had atrophied my tolerance. It’s probably why I was somehow shocked at how a video less than four minutes long can cram so much ignorance, falsehoods, hateful invective, and unhinged demagoguery in such a short period of time.

Pages of ink could be spilled breaking down every ranting tangent, from threats to prosecute doctors and hospitals providing gender affirming care, the distasteful novelty of calling trans children mutants,  inventing a conspiracy of pharmaceutical companies selling unsafe hormones and puberty blockers to children, and proposes using the federal government to “promote” aka enforce “positive education of the nuclear family” and the “role of mothers and fathers,” sprinkled with some good old fashioned sex-based bio-essentialism.

The crescendo, the real red meat dripping with bloody doctrine, is at the end:

“I will ask congress to pass a bill establishing that the only genders recognized by the United States Government are male and female and they are assigned at birth.”

“The Bill will also make clear that Title 9 prohibits men from participating in womens’ sports and we will protect the rights of parents from being forced to allow their minor child to assume a gender which is new and an identity without the parents’ consent. The identity will not be new and it will not be without parental consent.”

“No serious country should be telling its children that they were born with the wrong gender, a concept that was never heard of in all of human history - nobody’s ever heard of this, what’s happening today - it was all when the radical left invented it just a few years ago.”

He ends it all with a chilling conclusion. “Under my leadership, this madness will end.”

I’ve done my best since his departure from office to avoid talking about this sad orange failure puttering around his private golf course while lawsuits and legal investigations pile around him. But I’ve heard little mainstream discussion of this announcement; how Far-Right transphobic rhetoric is being elevated to the level of presidential politics.

While Trump was never friendly to the LGBTQ community, he was also prone to mocking the likes of Pence for his desire of wanting to “hang the gays.” Did his Administration do harm to the queer community? Yes, undeniably so. But to me it felt obligatory, with little energy or drive behind it, as Trump ultimately didn’t care. The callous apathy of an incurious narcissist.

Now, whether he believes the nonsense he’s spewing or not, Trump sees that the Republican base has been driven to a mad fervor over the existence of trans folks. So, like the cynical, amoral opportunist he is, he will regurgitate the vile hateful garbage his speechwriters feed him for political and financial gain.

Whether he gets the nomination or not, this announcement will set the tone for the entire Republican presidential primary of 2024.

[pigheadonastick]

WHO UP LORDING THEM FLIES

How you know they love you~

Jack and Ralph edition!

Jack

If....

- He,sometimes,out of the blue, ignores you. Since he's too scared to face you himself, either blushing way too much or afraid you wouldn't like him as he is now. Jack will attempt to lessen contact with you, worried he wouldn't be able to hide his feelings for you.

- His narcissistic behavior will start to favour you. Adding 'We' to sentences slyly. "We're the best, aren't we?"

- He tries to subtly give you a bigger piece of meat than the others, purposely sitting near you at feasts or placing you near piggy so your slice of meat seems even bigger! It's blatant favoritism.

- He sides with you in arguments, even if sometimes he doesn't agree with you. Hell, nobody cares if Piggy has the conch, but as soon as you do, everyone should shut up. He'd be much more tame, listening to you even when he doesn't listen to others. And since he's the warriors' chief, it's quite a big deal.

- "ahem Y/n is speaking"

- He loves teasing you and jokingly insulting you

- he literally swears he will protect you from the beast

- he makes you your own spear, etching both your initials on it, just to tell everyone who you belong to...

- he tries to brag to you, about how strong he is, how he's killing all these pigs, and how he can sing C Sharp. He's trying to impress you, like mating, though not sure it's working.

- He lets you be chief, allowing you to control part of the island, the nice side. Maybe he's nicer to you, nicer to you than he is to the others. Telling you his desires or whatnot

-he makes you guys argue often but he'll apologize, even if it's not in the way you want.

- he is maybe a slight yandere, he will try to kill the people closest to you if they try anything :)) (Simon and Piggy *cough cough*)

- He might try to kill you next too, who knows?

- he changes your name to Ralph.

- oh.

- wow. Um....

- He plays with your hair! Or asks to compare hand sizes, sometimes.

- He tries to lessen your chores/tasks to do around the island! You won't notice at first, but soon you'll realize he's giving you an easier schedule‼️:))

Ralph

If...

- He'd let you borrow the conch more than others, and let you get away with shouting out way more than others. Again, blatant favoritism. Glancing at you after he finishes speaking to see your reaction or just to catch your eye. Even though he knows you're just listening like everyone else, it makes him slightly flustered seeing you entirely focused on him. He loves the feeling of it.

- After his speeches, he'd glance at you and ask "Anything you want to add Y/N?" Or something like that, really trying to get your opinion and attention.

- He may give you a strange nickname, it might sound strange at first but you'll soon find yourself getting used to it. Petnames like "My little conch" or just "conch", since he feels like he can express himself freely when he's with you!!

- He may hold grudges for longer. Not that he hates you of course, or not that he holds grudges in extreme hatred; he just wants to find a reason to talk to you. To tease and insult you slightly.

- he wakes you up at night to go on beach walks with only you two.

- Ralph asks if you're hungry and gives you some of his portion/feeds you

- he asks about your dream house, and tries to make it in the form of shelter (he's trying) and making it subtly and slightly bigger than everyone else's. As well as etching both your names on the door/wall like he's playing house.

- He tries to build rock towers and things to impress you. (it doesn't)

- Loves counting your freckles/your scars. Pointing out spots on your hand, and tracing where your finger starts and ends.

- He plays house with the littluns in his shelter and makes you the mother. The littluns are the kids. If you guys are acting like an old falling apart marriage already, why not play house?

- he hugs/holds you a lot, cherishing you like the conch. Pulling you in and holding you up to the sky during meetings

- he trash talks Jack in front of you, afraid you'll leave him to go over to him.

- "Sure, he's handsome and strong and ginger and a hunter and handsome but he's a jerk Y/n!!"

- He loves to splash water on you whenever you're near him when he's swimming. (He thinks it's something cute couples do)

- He picks you and Simon to explore the forest together :)) a nice date with Simon third wheel.

- He reminisces about you often, thinking of you alot and what you could be doing/what you are doing at the moment.

- he is in denial about something, and says something spiteful. He doesn't mean it, he just doesn't know how to act on his feelings.

- he tells you off like a housewife. "I do all this work and blah blah blah" He cares about you, he's just worried.

- ....He insults your hunters...

- He says you don't have to help him, there's no need :)

- He dyes your hair ginger...

- well...

- He doesn't blame you much when you murder his friends :))

- He cries alot around you, revealing sides he doesn't usually show.

𓆡𓆝𓆞𓆟𓆜𓆛𓆡𓆝𓆞𓆟𓆜𓆛𓆡𓆝𓆞

(≧∇≦)/ follow for more!!!

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Zodiac Academy 4: Shadow Princess -- Rant and I guess Review/breakdown, I don't know, I'm not sure what I was trying to do with this post, but its here if anyone's interested

Spoilers for Zodiac Academy Book 4: Shadow Princess. Skip this post if you don't want spoilers

Okay, first I'm going to preface this with Zodiac Academy 3: The Reckoning, despite its flaws, is an experience to say the least. Despite my rant on it, it was still a fun time. We had moments that made me happy, made me sad, made me mad, made me wonder how these characters can possibly be functioning adults with how nauseatingly dumb they are. All in all, didn't hate it, the ending kind of spurned me on to keep on chugging with this series. I like trash and I like books with vibes; I won't apologize for it.

Now, I had a completely different experience with Zodiac Academy 4: Shadow Princess. Oddly named considering the book doesn't have a whole lot to do with her, I mean, she's there, just kind of in the back of everyone's mind and she comes out every once in a while to remind us that she's a plot point I guess but nothing really happens with her until the very end. Very little of what happens in this book correlates to what happens with her at the end of the book. Honestly, you could've cut her out of this book and left her for the next one. This book should probably have ended after the nymph attack on Christmas at the palace with basically all of Solaria now knowing that the twins are in fact phoenixes who will become exponentially more powerful than the Heirs, let the community stew in that and end it there. And then in book 5 start really digging into the Shadow Realm and the Shadow Princess. But instead, in this book she makes weird appearances randomly throughout the book with very little payoff for anyone to actually care that she's around (almost like the authors forgot about her while they were writing and just inserted her randomly so they could have a cliffhanger ending). So there's one gripe but another gripe was omg, this book was so frustrating to read. Not that it was necessarily boring, but there were definitely some boring moments in it. It was just so long-winded in everything it did, it takes entirely too long to get to the point. So much so, that I had to turn the audio book off and get the book on Kindle Unlimited so I can skim through everything to actually get to the meat of what was going on. And then beyond that, the characters were pointlessly dumb, their thought process, their emotions, even the plot points were so ridiculously contrived. It was rough to say the least.

I'd say I enjoyed the book up until the Halloween party, from there the book just goes bananas and everyone's plans from the Halloween party to the rest of the book makes no sense. Like the Heirs come up with this really dumb plan to embarrass the Twins by making them drink these potions so they would essentially act out behaviors that the media has been making false stories regarding them about. So Darcy drinks a potion that makes her think there's ravens all around her so she's talking to ravens but nobody else sees the ravens so they think she's insane and talking to nobody. And then Tori essentially is given probably the Fae version of a date-rape drug so her inhibitions would be lowered and she essentially was tossing herself around every dude with a heartbeat so it would appear that she has a sex addiction (but hey, at least Darius gave her the antidote before any of these men could take advantage of her; Darius ever the gentleman, am i right? ech, that whole scene made me want to barf, and he wonders why Tori would prefer to be Star Crossed than be mated to him, gee i wonder why, couldn't possibly be because he put her in a situation where he had absolute control and she none whatsoever). And beyond these guys you know drugging these girls to get desired behaviors to embarrass them, I don't really understand how they thought this plan would work. The idea was that by doing this, the Heirs were trying to bring down the Twins' support system i.e. their friends to really ostracize them. But Darcy blatantly remembers Seth giving her the potion so their friends are all like, "yeah, you were drugged, those weren't your normal behaviors". The only thing that this plan actually did successfully do was put them in a negative light with the public outside of the school but its not like these girls would really care about that. They've said time and time again, they don't want the throne. Its the Heirs that insist on playing this politics game with them. So yeah, their plan sucked, they ultimately ended up regretting it. And I'm a little skeptical on whether or not these potions should actually have worked on the twins considering the nature of the phoenix order being impervious to outside mental fuckery, i guess because they ingested these potions it made them susceptible maybe to being messed with like this, i don't know, there's no world building in these books, I have no idea how any thing works in the Fae world in this universe.

Then we have this ridiculously contrived plot where the twins are in a fight with each other which was dumb. Tori's mad at Darcy because Darcy doesn't want to attack the Heirs for what they did. But Tori doesn't know about Darcy's relationship with Orion and that Seth is holding that over Darcy's head, so she can't attack the Heirs without putting Orion at risk. Not for a second did I legitimately believe that if these were well-written characters would this fight have occurred. Tori would have realized something was up with Darcy, she knows her sister better than anyone, she knows how selfless Darcy can be so why she wasn't reading between the lines I don't get. Also Darcy not just telling Tori about her and Orion after Seth found out was really dumb. You two have kept so many secrets from the Heirs, Tori would have kept that secret too, Seth would never have found out that she knew. And Tori ultimately ends up finding out anyway in the most bizarre way possible. By Orion kissing Tori thinking she was Darcy?! Like what?! Orion, dude, you have been lusting over Darcy since you met her, you do not have the same reaction with Tori's physical appearance and you've now had many intimate encounters with Darcy and you still can't tell them apart other than by their hair? What kind of fated mate are you?! You're also a vampire, I feel like you should know what Darcy smells like and how that differs from Tori, you've drank blood from both of them. Also, don't get me wrong, I love Orion, he's probably my favorite of the main male characters. I love Orion and Darcy, I think they're super cute (even though I typically don't go in for the student/teacher relationship). But they're so dumb too, like you were already caught once, barely managed to cover your asses, and then you went out and did the exact same thing that got you caught the first time and by the number 1 person it would suck to have been caught by, Seth.

And Seth, my man, is anything going to be done about this dude's assholery, I feel like they're making strides in attempting to redeem the Heirs, but Seth, he just get worse with every single book. Like he clearly has a thing for Darcy, and he's all like "why won't she like me and be with me"? Maybe because you're a fucking dick to her who chopped off her hair and continuously beats her up. He's basically the equivalent of a 4th grader who hits the girl he likes because he doesn't know how to express his feelings.

And then we got this whole Shadow Princess thing going on where its eventually revealed that the Shadow Princess is Orion's sister Clara who we thought had tragically died some years ago when Lionel sacrificed her to the Shadow Realm. And by some weird contrived plot point, Clara can somehow come back from the Shadow Realm on the New Years I think. There's a special spell or something they have to do to create a portal to create a bridge Clara can use to cross-over from the Shadow Realm into the Fae realm. And as a side note, any mention of the Shadow Realm in these books, I cannot take seriously, I just keep thinking about Yu-Gi-Oh the entire time. But anyway, everyone's all like, yes! lets free Clara who has been in the Shadow Realm for the past half a decade. Not a single person thinking, hey, are we sure this is Clara? Clara's been in there for a while, how do we know this is still her or that you know, she hasn't turned evil because you know she's been hanging out with a bunch of dead fae who are also lost in the shadow realm? And then we're supposed to be surprised when she does make it back to our world and does in fact turn out to be evil? or at least crazy?

In this book, there was just a lot of contrived bullshit happening with not nearly enough critical thinking happening to level it out. Nevertheless, I will probably still continue with the series, I'm a die hard BlueLance shipper, I gotta keep reading for them, you know. Also Max and Geraldine are pretty cute too. Now that I've skimmed through most of the book, I think I'll go back to the audio book, finish it and then give myself maybe a week break before going into book 5. I am trying to take my time because book 9 isn't out yet and these authors write like the Shadowhunters writing room, they get to the climax of the book and then they just abruptly end with no aftermath to tie the book together or anything.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from The Bob’s Burgers Movie

“I'm making an instrument out of spoons, and a napkin holder, and dreams, and magic.” “Why are you whispering?” “I'm gonna make another practice burger.” “I wanna make this thing legit.” “I just think I'm pretty great.” “I'm not hiding what I feel.” ‘It hurts my teeth somehow.” “I'll show you rabies!” “Doesn't it feel good to be a little hopeful?” “Cheap thrills and almost no decapitations!” “Well, I am of two minds, and by that, I mean, drunk.” “I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna walk right over there and I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I am gonna do it. Here I go. Nope. Going back over here. Can't do it.” “I hope you had your shots, 'cause it's gonna get intense in there.” “Ninety percent of "maybes" are yeses.” “So modern. We're hip now.” “Hope and grit keeps you out of the you-know-what.” “I'm faster when I'm just wearing underwear.” “How about you go get some different instruments and maybe figure out if music is, I don't know, your thing?” “It's offensive. To, you know, babies." “How are these baby-ish?” “Your head has not grown since preschool.” “It's not that scary. You're just all in your head right now. Get out of your head.” “Did you mean to wave your arms all over the place while falling into the hole?” “Let’s just be clear: I tasted death.” “You know, they found a bullet lodged in the ribs. And I don't think he fell on it, if you know what I mean.” “So much rage!” “It's just, I think it's, like, against the law for you to have that.” “I went down to the sinkhole at night, found a skeleton, this tooth fell in my mouth.” “Potty training’s not going well.” “Uh, is there a reason you keep saying, "Don't go there"?” “Grab your meat.” “Am I being paranoid, or is that big scary carnie following us?” “Go catch tadpoles or whatever kids do.” “You couldn't help even if you wanted to.” “I know stuff. I know all the stuff.” “Fresh hot burgers. Sexy burgers.” “That treehouse hot tub you ordered is here.” "We might be in a murderer's house, just an FYI.” “Fleeing the country is a once in a lifetime thing. We deserve to look good doing it.” “You can hire a wet wiper?” “A family was surprised when you jumped in their picture.” “Real me is just never gonna be as good as fantasy me.” “You're not nervous that I'll say no. You're nervous that I'll say yes.” “I like the Molehill. It's the ride they recommend for grandparents and people with heart problems.” “Should we chase those guys?” “I posted bail. Jail bail. Had to. Those beds were bad for my back.” “You were running around up there pressing buttons, weren't you?” “You have creepy face again.” “I don’t hug.” “Kids couldn't handle their liquor.” “Is she less homicidal now?” “What if no one lives up to anyone's expectations?” “We knew we'd eventually have to flee the country for one reason or another.” "Okay, nobody wants to solve this crime, and everyone is awful.” “Silly rich people who just go to Cuba whenever they get charged with murder." “Oh, let's play that game where we spin you around till you fall over.” “Nobody will help us. Nobody cares.” “Take this thing off me!” “Why are you looking at me like that? Like I farted?” “Looks like weird old teeth." “A selfish lover, I bet.” "We're all gonna stay right here where no one's gonna come looking for you.” “I wish you had more police with you.” “The bikini can stay.” "Solving a murder is no reason to leave school.” “How did you find us? How did you even get in here?” “Yay, buttons!” “My family's under attack.” “Would you like to hear my master plan?” “They're bad because they're poor.” "Did anyone find any dead guys?” “I have so many problems with this plan.” “I don't know if you have three hour gym body. Sorry.” “You’re too pastey.” “I’m not that evil. But I’m feeling evil today!” “I sat on your sandwich. Bare-bottomed.” “I think you're handsome for your age, which is what, 65?” “Be less moist.” “It won’t break, it’s thick glass!” “You’re just a bulldozer.” "Put that memory in a place you don't think about.” “This is like the worst rave!” “It's not your fault. That much.” “If you're brave, you don't have to prove you're brave. You just are brave." “You slapped a kid.” “No, you never give up. I give up. And then you say, "don't give up." “Grinding like sexy dancing?” “Okay, you're too positive right now. Maybe take it down a notch?” “Don't get decapitated and then burned up.” “I am brave! And super humble!” “I hope you suffocate.” “Are you ordering takeout? Can we get traditional Thai street food from that new place?” "It just feels like my insides are fighting to get out of my bottom hole.” "Maybe there's only no romance in the world if you believe there's no romance in the world. And who wants to believe that?” “Oh, my God, your ears fell off!”

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 58: brb flying to la to steal matt's shins

I got sick again today but I'M TRYING

they got him!!

"we really should give all our producers a raise"

marisha that top

I believe the trope is magipunk but obvs I haven't seen it yet

HOWEVER magipunk is one of my favorite tropes so I'm hoping

game now called Taliesin's Baby

I hate literally every second of this

"teeth, tentacles and terror" hate that too

mapphew strikes again

"the trees have bones"

"we had a real estate agent but they ghosted us" BOO

"it's a bit much"

"I think you grabbed the one that was too big"

augh the wolf snouts coming out of it

"six :D"

HATE THAT NOISE

matt's noises are also hurting my brain so this tracks

nobody gets freaked out by legendary actions like travis gets freaked out by legendary actions

"BUT THAT'S METAGAMING"

"he's actually half butts"

matt says Make Expensive Choices

why does laura sound like she's on Old Timey Radio

I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO

it's a Wet Monster it should take double from lightning

Chew Again

BIT IT AND QUIT IT

"how many of its butts fell off"

guiding bolt upp the butt(s)

FEARNE

"matthew how DARE you roll a natural 20"

NINE

FRIDA

somebody curse matt's dice

trade matt's dice with laura's

frida pulling every available feat out to throw at the meat tower

Action Surge Sharpshooter Grit Point is the fighter version of Reckless Great Weapon Master

"please gif that"

"aRe YoU uSiNg ThE sAmE dIcE"

"say parmesan if you want me to hit him" "PARMESAN"

"OKLAHOMA SAFE WORD"

a whole lot of rules just got flung around and I zoned out in self-defense

"a weird divacup for this massive period stain"

AUNT FLOW

"does it have eyes" "occasionally" "you can't SAY THAT"

hey I hate it

"a roll I wish I had failed"

gay

"tree trunk of skin" [lenny]

"it's not the holy grail!" "if you read enough dan brown - kinda!"

liam is here in spirit

AND ON SAM'S GAS CAN APPARENTLY

"GIVE HER BANGS"

"no, we just got the art"

oh hate

oh HATE

please run. please leave.

it is going to Eat You

"I rolled a 1 but it comes out to 23"

this is the closest we've gotten to matt breaking out an hourglass in a while

"paper - not being humanoid - because it's a piece of paper - "

"it's nOT A DILDO"

"frida - take this down"

CHRISTIAN

"and then I burn the notes and leave" okay arkhan

"just be a little smarter, okay?"

and then it WORKED

"this gargamel motherfucker stealing smurfs"

"I've never read a book. I'm actually older than books."

not the dot matrix printer

"be careful, link….the yuck moon rises once again…"

"I only saw her from the back but my god was she beautiful"

"abs for days"

COBOSO

"I don't know why wizards would have abs"

"it was very sad, he died, clearly"

irl gifts IRL GIFTS

SHIRTS

"I invented polyester"

and in the COLOR SCHEMES

"it's segmented, sepratated" sasha nein's mindscape

"you're a mess"

don't chase the rabbit!

if there are stars when you look down -

everybody gets presents

"it's a sweatshirt made out of wood"

YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO BE

"one more?" "…….ka-put"

EVERYBODY GETS PRESENTS

eabria come get your smut

their collective quest to get travis to turn into a tomato

I can't believe this is canon

they almost have to swap back now right. right? this is such a good place to wrap up. please return the other half of the table.

thank you for not being That Guy matt

;-;

HEY MATT??

YOU'VE SUFFERED A TERRIBLE FATE HAVEN'T YOU

the RED END

did fcg just become a champion?

IS DEANNA BEING MADE A CHAMPION?

gods going through their whole rolodex sending out SOSes

I forgot how much of a dick pelor is

I'm sorry, the ~dawnfather~

wait is the spider queen freaking out at opal? is this a disaster on both sides of the aisle?

where's opal, I wanna talk to opal

imogen is the kid who grew up secular and heard about every different religion from pop culture osmosis

(imogen is me)

it's a Stuff-Doing-Coin

see in scripted media her giving him the ring would be an enormous death flag. it still kind of is because I'm a paranoid panda but still

you have to give travis the inventory it's the rules

SDKJFLKSD

matt

THE RTA

sam sploded

this is tonight's real lore drop

just throw a dart at the map

it does DAMAGE?

"why does he say it like that"

MATTHOLOMEW MERCER

"WHAT'S NEW JERSEY"

liam's not even here to do the accent

"that's more fun" FOR WHO

NO FUCK YOU

LAURA

MATT

I HATE EVERYONE HERE

"I can't tell if she's doing a bit"

BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WANTED TO FIGHT THEM IN THE PARKING LOT AFTER THE SHOW BUT HERE WE ARE

[damnredthing]

Just some mindless, happy ramblings – SNW S1E07

This post – naturally – contains spoilers. If you haven’t seen the episode yet and do not want to read spoilers, please do not read any further.

This is not an episode review but rather just a bunch of ramblings which I’ve tried to at least sort a little bit into categories.

Season 1 – Episode 7 – The Serene Squall

This episode was hilarious. It is a nice break in tone compared to the last episode and it was so great to see Anson goofing off and showing his comedic talent. He hasn’t done many comedic roles in his career, which is why I am happy he’s catching up now. This entire episode looked like he had a ton of fun making it. I honestly don’t know how the cast and crew could finish shooting this episode, there must have been a lot of laughing fits.

I’ve also worked a bit on my gif-skills and trying a new approach with my ramblings by adding more gifs. I hope you enjoy.

.

A lot of T’Pring in the series

I am surprised how much we get to see of T’Pring in this series, especially if you compare her screentime with Hemmer, who is supposed to be main cast. I am even more surprised that I don’t mind at all seeing her that much! She is a breakout character for me who I didn’t expect to see much of, but now realize how much I like to see her.

In this episode I was even more surprised that we even get to see her at work. For a recurring character that is a lot of insight. But luckily the episode gave the reason for this and it all falls into place for me now. Especially with the last second reveal in the episode, SNW is going to focus a lot more on Spock’s family (if not in season 1 already, then for sure in season 2).

What I found funny was her suggesting human sex to Spock. I just wonder why Spock was so shocked about that. What exactly were they planning to do in the pilot episode during their “special night” when Pike interrupted them? That looked very much like what humans do, too! 🤔

.

Did Dr. Aspen / Captain Angel hit on Pike?

Or was it just part of their tactic to get Pike on their side?

During the dinner when they told Pike he’s known in Starfleet for being their (!) boy scout, the teasing and charming grin felt genuine. And what I find even more interesting is that Pike seemed to be intrigued.

.

That boy scout comment tho!

So here I was squirming around in my last ramblings not to flat out call Pike naive, and they drop the bomb in episode 7 with the boy scout. Next time I guess I should just stick with my gut feeling and call it as what it is.

But was Una just teasing him that it was even in his file? I mean… a nick name in a Starfleet file? That would be weird.

.

Remy had a thing for Pike

Nobody can tell me otherwise. Sure, he’s an Orion slaver and most and foremost saw Pike as a prime meat that gets him lots of latinum. But the way he eyed him up, felt for his bicep and patted him while only sideeying La’an and literally disregarding her… tell me I am not the only one who saw this?

And later he tells Pike he doesn’t want to wreck a great jawline (hello???) and then also calling him handsome and witty. I cannot say that Orion had bad taste.

It’s so funny how Remy tried to dominate Pike when his helpers were doing the dirty work for him, but later Pike turned the tables and played Remy like a fiddle.

I wonder if we ever get to see Remy again and how their second meeting will be, after Pike caused his crew to mutiny against him.

.

Why did nobody help Pike up when he was tossed inside the cell?

Okay I admit it, I laughed my butt off at this scene. Anson played this so hilariously funny!

But uh, something irks me about this scene. Pike has been the care bear for his crew. Always wants their best. Always puts them before himself. Surely by now his crew must appreciate him as being an awesome captain, no?

So how come when that lizard guy tossed Pike into the cell, none of Pike’s crew made even the slightest attempt of helping him up? They all just stared at him – admittedly in shock about how much he had been roughened up – but they just watched him hauling his butt up all by himself.

I know it was done for comedic reasons (and Anson was so great), but I still find that remarkably weird. There was only one guy in the cell (the one with the gold uniform, kneeling on the right side) who at least offered Pike a bit of a hand. M’Benga at least checked his head (after Pike got up on his own mind you). But Ortegas and Una? They just watched him go down.

.

Hints for the big twist

I admit I didn’t see the twist coming, but I was very pleased to watch Jesse James Keitel turning absolute evil as Captain Angel. As they were able to escape, I sure hope we gonna see them again. Especially as they are married to Sybok who I am sure we will see more of. If not in season 1 then in season 2.

Only when I watched the episode a second time, I noticed there were hints that Dr. Aspen was the pirate leader, or at least associated with them.

During the dinner, when Spock mentions the Serene Squall, you can see Aspen stop in their movements for a brief second.

They also tell everyone how the pirates are outsiders, fiercely loyal to each other, which turns out to be not true. But as Angel was their leader, this is certainly what they wanted to believe to be true.

Dr. Aspen also knew the solution how to get out of the net trap. It was a very scientific solution, something one wouldn’t expect from a counselor.

Remy knew exactly that Pike is the captain. How else would he know if not from Angel beforehand? At the time Remy was torturing Pike to get the codes, Angel was still in their Dr. Aspen cover.

Dr. Aspen urged Spock to use the escape pods and abandon the ship.

.

Angel and Sybok

Angel isn’t just married to Sybok, they also share the belief in allowing emotions to unfold. Multiple times Angel encouraged Spock to rely on his emotion. Just when they asked him about Kolinahr (which is the Vulcan ceremony to detach themselves from all emotions) and were all excited to learn that Spock hasn’t underwent the ceremony yet, or when they pushed Spock to follow his gut feeling to decide which asteroid to fire on to destroy the net trap. Not to mention the dialogue they had with Spock about Spock’s true self (which was beautiful!).

Angel might have chosen a vile way to get their husband back, but they acted out of love. I don’t think they are purely evil. I think Angel is truly believing in Sybok’s ways and as such, I am almost certain we will see both again.

Sybok on his path to find Sha Ka Ree is going to gather quite a following. He will collect many followers by using his telepathic abilities to heal people from traumatic experiences. I am curious if we’ll get to see any of that in SNW and who all Sybok will try to win over. I mean, there are a couple of people on Enterprise with traumatic experiences…

I am also curious how his relationship with his half brother Spock will unfold.

.

Star Trek writers know exactly what the fans want

Not only did we get a non-binary character, who kicked ass!

But whumpers also got their happy day!

Still some unchecked boxes though. But I am certain the show will deliver.

.

Some Randoms

This is very random, but I loved the boing sound the Enterprise made when it kicked the rock away that set off the trap

I cannot wait to get my hands on the season 1 blu ray and watch the outtakes for this episode. How could they all pull this episode off without getting caught in endless laughing fits?

Holy shit was Spock badass or what? And he’s just half Vulcan. How much stronger is a full Vulcan? 😱 I was squealing when I saw that.

Pike wearing an apron over his combat gear (!), and to top it off, the apron is also gold just as his gear? This had me in stitches. 🤣

The oversized steering wheel… in a spaceship… like wtf? Lol

Did Chapel seriously aim a hypospray at Spock and Dr. Aspen in engineering? 🤣 This episode was pure comedy.

The Serene Squall under Remy was about to separate from the Enterprise and leave part of their crew behind when Remy announced they would set course to Qu’Vat to sell the Federation crew to the Klingons. So, was this actually a double mutiny? Fran turning against Remy on the Serene Squall, after Remy turned against Captain Angel? Well played Chris, well played indeed!

“Spock, you are failing to communicate effectively.” Bahahaha, I love this. Vulcan’s being funny when trying not to be funny.

Does this need further comments? 🤣🤣🤣🤪🤪🤪

[peppermintquartz]

I've just watched John Wick 4 (spoilerish sharing below the cut)

And somehow I feel like there isn't enough payoff for all the lore built up in 1, 2 and 3. John gets what he wants but it's a return to status quo otherwise, which is deeply unsatisfying for a story about an assassin who's so fucking hard to kill that they had to keep raising the bounty on him.

There are plenty of loose ends and possible future storylines, yet not enough is given to the new characters to make me give a damn. Nobody, for instance, is probably meant to be Wick's foil, but other than the dog, I don't feel anything about his struggles nor do I see why I should care.

We had Halle Berry in JW3; she should have shown up here. The Bowery King is dispenser of gifts and little else. Winston, bless him, is still a snake, but a lovable one, yet his role is reduced to snarky comments. The villain du hour, the Marquis whomever, is basically the same villain from 2 with a new accent.

Donnie Yen is charismatic as ever but there isn't enough meat for his character to chew on; I have to infer far too much of it. His supposed bond with Koji and Wick is implied but nothing really shows until the last twenty minute stretch.

The fights are we'll choreographed, as expected, though the club fight becomes pretty ludicrous when no one seems to react to the actual killings and shootings in their midst until much later in the fight, and then suddenly everyone panics. The director lost control of the pace at times, it feels like; the snappy, brutal efficiency of the fights in JW1 now becomes showcases of how much punishment Wick can endure. I hate to say it but several of the fight scenes (esp the ones at the club and L'Arc du Triomphe) were each at least 5 min too long, and I LOVE fight scenes.

Some of the cinematography was fun, such as the fight in the condemned building, because it gives such a god's eye view of the way Wick uses space, as well as the battle up the stairs.

For the entire franchise, I would rank them (from most to least enjoyable) 2, 1, 3, 4. Not a waste of money but I think I wouldn't really want to rewatch this installment.

[glittergutts]

I've been having a stressful morning. And I need to process my thoughts about preparing for treatment.

First we couldn't figure out the money to get all the stuff I need to take to treatment and I had a cry about feeling like I shouldn't even go. I didn't know all my vitamins and supplements had to be unopened until the other day and it cost a lot to buy all at once.

Figured it out with the last of our available credit and my supplements and stuff should be here tomorrow and Sunday just in time for me to leave Monday morning.

Loki is extra whiney today. Like he won't chill out and I want to yell because I do not understand what he wants. I wish he would lay down and let me rub him when I'm sad. He refuses to be comforting.

My anxiety started getting really bad when I was on the phone with my mom and she was slamming me with question after question. She's always like that but today I couldn't handle it. She's asking things I can't answer and reminding me how out of control even my best plan is.

So after awhile I took the anxiety pill and convinced myself to get out of bed. I found some pretzels that looked pretty plain and a Gatorade and even though I barely had any of either I feel uncomfortably full. I think all the days of skipping food has started to really hurt my body.

I got the okay to bring ensure drinks to treatment but I'm not even sure if I like them I just have to have the calories in a drink (because i cant fucking eat 360 calories at once) so I can take my latuda and I normally drink a Chai protein thing at home. I'm going to ask Chris to bring home a few flavors I can try so I can figure out which type to buy.

The food at treatment is close to nothing. They do cook dinners but it's always meat or something I don't eat so I have to fend for myself the whole stay. Once I lived off orange cups and plain Oatmeal for 12 days. I was so happy to eat again when I discharged.

I hope it's better this time I wish I was allowed to just bring my own food but I understand why they don't allow that.

I need to wash all my laundry today so I can figure out what clothes I'm bringing and get my bag ready. I'm waiting on a night gown from Amazon. I don't want to sleep in a big tee shirt there like I do at home because it doesn't feel safe and private to be pantsless. I bought a nice pair of sleep shorts when I went a few years ago and I'm going to bring those again and I think having 2 sleep outfits should be fine as long a I don't have sweat nightmares. They have laundry there if I do need to wash anything.

Also because of covid the rooms aren't shared anymore so I have the privacy to use the bathroom or change or sleep in my room whenever I want to. Hell I can take a shower at 3 am and nobody would stop me. Although I'll be trying to sleep and behave like the functional person I want to be. It's just a relieving idea to have some space and freedom.

I'm desperately hoping having the time to focus on my needs and health will let me leave a little better of a person or at be able to take better care of myself and family. I'm tired of letting myself down.

I found some nice skincare things in mini containers I can bring with that will make shower time a little more enjoyable. I have some fidget toys in a bag and some art supplies with a folder that has paper and coloring sheets inside. I'm going to bring my comfort pillow and my favorite squishmallow plushies. I just need to take a few pictures of my family and I feel like I tried my best to bring comfort with me. I got to order aromatherapy balm sticks because I can't have essential oils and I don't see why I couldn't have these so I feel good about my supply of comfort things.

I used to take so much klonapins and do normal stuff like safely drive my car but I feel heavily medicated this time like I need to lay down. At least I'm not having a panic attack and I had some food.

[lokisprettygirl]

The Night screams at the Slumber Island... aka Minola fic...

...TSNATSI...oh, it's not the name anymore 😢😅, it's the Minola fic now 😁 and Minola scares me 😟

...what the hell is going on there? I'm so confused.

What about the people in the village. Why didn't the taxi driver Phil brought y/n directly to her house and Loki seemed to appear suddenly out of nowhere, she was told there are no direct neighbours ? And Loki said he lives right in front of her?

Why are they all so unkind? (Exept Steve..). I would understand when they were distant. Y/n is new there but they're really mean. What about the woman who called her a whore. Her dress is tattered? Full lenght dress? And she wondered about y/n dress 'a dress like that'? It seems like she had never seen a dress like this before...The life there seemed as if it was pushed back 50 years....maybe more? Are they all still alive there? Are they a group of deathless 🤣🤣🤣? I have a vivid imagination 🙂🙃🤣. And...I would never buy meat or anything else in a store where it smells of death? 🤔 and do you really have to tell a grown up woman how to handle fresh meat (wash and freeze it)? Why did Steve ask her to do so? Is it even fresh 😳😂😳

Now let's talk about Loki...after I stopped drooling over his appearance in the first chapter, I wondered about how quickly he started to use pet names for a woman he doesn't know 🤔. Is it really just an old or forced habit? Where does it come from? He's nice and kind, there's no doubt about it but....

So he is a musician, he sells his stuff under a pseudonym...(okay, I'm drooling again 🤤🤣)

and nobody there is curious about that...is he a ghost, an immortal? Is he the god y/n's mother used to worship? Her mother was really into it? Was? What is with her mother now? And he can be wherever he wants ...

His house is always totally lit up, like a lighthouse in the dark night ...so mysterious. When they talked about ghosts...I believe y/n that she heard a woman's scream...it wasn't just the wind, but Loki tried to convince her otherwise...why?

'Are you a believer?' 'Believer?' 'Ghosts' 'No I don't think so, I have never encountered anything like that so no.' 'A skeptic I see' 'I believe what I see from my own eyes.' 'Really?.....' 'Well anything can happen on this island my dear, be careful, your eyes can fool you but your heart won't.'

You nodded in agreement....because you trusted him. Y/n's trauma seems to be very deep, so he raped her? Poor thing, that's horrible and the worst 😭. She feels so uncomfortable around men and Loki can clearly sense it...he has a really good sense for all of her feelings...👀👀. Nonetheless y/n feels butterflies in her stomach when she thinks about him...☺️...he is polite, pays her attention (placed his book down), y/n seems to be not used to it...hehe and the classic : borrow some milk from your handsome neighbour 😉 (me still drooling😆). Somehow he's always there and always ready to help her.

When they talked about the ghosts, y/n asked Loki "How long have you been here for?"....he didn't give her an answer 🤔👀👀...instead of an answer he offered her a cup of tea...strange, very strange.

And then the very last part of the chapter...HOLY SHIT MINOLA, ARE YOU CRAZY...YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH💀💀

This is so good my Queen 👑. I'm sorry for the many questions 😅😅 but I'm so in love with this story and patience will be needed to see where it all ends up 😅😁

I love you, my Queen 👑 and I wish you a wonderful spooky weekend 💕🧡🎃🧡💕

🖤🤎💀💚💀🤎🖤

You are asking me questions I cannot answer 😂

But

But

But

The answer is in there 🤣

Ohhh maybe Steve thought since she's from big city and all she may not to be used to buying fresh meat or freshly cut meat should I say.

I think he's definitely sort of kind of itsy bitsy teeny tiny attracted to her 👀

Borrow milk yes? Borrow his everything, he seems the type to give it all away 😂

Classic loki with his suspicious cups of tea 😂

Thank you my queen, your excitement has made me very excited 😭🥺💚 love you very much 💖