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#Ive wanted to do them for 10 years
sweetdreamspootypie · 3 months
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*scream*
(ventpost)
"you know you're getting a bit old for meeting people if you want kids"
WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!
Who chose to raise us in the middle of the the fucking woods?!
Who actively deliberately isolated us from our ethnic community because you were embarrassed by how we were failures and your internalized self racism makes you think all brown men as skeevy and you specifically wanted to keep us away from them and put effort into achieving that and cutting us off from all community connection?
Who let me switch to correspondence school and study alone at home because I said I was bored, instead of giving a single solitary fuck about me and noticing I was obviously depressed?
Who raised us abstinence only to the point that any mixing with the 'opposite' sex was unacceptable?
Who actively shut down any attempt I made to develop or act on hobbies or personal interests, because the only think I should be doing is studying?
Do you think that somehow the negative effects of keeping kids at home only allowed to do schoolwork and chores and unable to drive unable to leave the house unable to get a job unable to engage in hobbies unable to engage in community unable to leave the house... somehow the negative effects only apply if you're deliberately doing it for patriarchal cult reasons?
Bitch managed to raise us fully traditional entirely by accident
With a good dash of learned helplessness with constant messaging that were incapable of managing to do anything or survive by ourselves
I've only been out the house for 3 years! And 2 of that was the last year of the degree and the first year of the job being a new grad Covid nurse in peak Covid!
I've only been able to breathe for one year!
I've had one year of freedom and I've been using it to learn how to be human for the first time!
And you've spent that year telling me to break up with everyone I happen to meet!
Don't fucking tell me I'm too old now
You were supposed to help me!
You knew I wanted kids! Why didn't you help me earlier!
You did everything you could to keep me isolated because you were projecting your own trust issues onto me and never stopped to think what effect that might have when you're raising someone!
Why does generational trauma have to be so mundane
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welcometoteyvat · 10 days
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nahida dialogues, sethos dialogue, and some optional dialogues (mostly just sethos) from cyno's sq2 for reference (chinese and english transcriptions just for fun)
warning this is long as fuck
after talking to ??? (sethos) at the oasis:
nahida lines:
carefree desert dweller: Huh. those guys are pretty cautious. They just sent one person to try to talk to us. 那些家伙还挺谨慎的吗,只派一个人来跟我们搭话,哈。
irritable desert dweller: These are the guys we’re been waiting for, huh? They ain’t what I expected. 这些就是咱们要等的人?和我想的不一样啊。。。
after meeting sethos and entering the temple of silence
>nahida lines:
Sethos: These guys clearly care a lot about each other. This is a long way for them all to come. 这群人彼此感情还挺深的嘛,难怪都跟来了。
Tighnari: The situation's even more complicated than I expected. I should make sure I know the way out before we go any further. 情况比预想的更复杂。得提前观察一下出去的路线。
Cyno: Professor... 老师。。。
>talk to Sethos, pick 1 of 3 dialogue options:
>You were the one who tricked Urraca, right?
Sethos: Yes, that was me. Although, "tricked" is a stretch. He was asking everyone in the tavern about ways to make some easy money. He insisted that nothing was off the table, even if it broke the law. So I told him that Cyrus had embezzled a large sum of Mora from the desert. 嗯,是我。不过你说得不准确,我没有骗那个学生,是他自己在酒馆里打听有没有来钱快的办法。他还说什么都可以,只要能弄到钱,违法也没关系。于是我告诉他居勒什偷藏了一大笔从沙漠搞来的钱。
Paimon: So you framed Cyrus for a crime that he did not commit! 那不就是栽赃居勒什吗!
Sethos: No no no, that's not entirely true. Let me jog your memory — the letter just said that he had uncovered Cyrus's secret. It didn't say what secret that was. 话不能这么说,回忆一下,他只说自己知道居勒什的秘密,又没有说是什么秘密。
>Did you tell him to use that wording? Sethos: Of course. Urraca was a great accomplice, really. Very cooperative with a little bit of wine in him — did exactly what he was told… And not much of an original thinker though. It doesn't surprise me that he struggles academically. 当然。乌拉卡真是个好帮手,喝醉了很听话,对出主意的人言听计从。。。这么没主见,难怪在教令院混不下去啊。
Paimon: Why did Cyrus leave for the desert as soon as he received the letter? 那为什么居勒什一收到信就连夜离开了?
Sethos: You'll have to ask him that one yourself. Certain things I can't answer for him. I'm neither judging nor defending him. All you need to know is that he recognized our emblem, and it was his own choice to take the bait. 这个嘛,你们自己去问居勒什吧。有些事我不能替他回答,好话坏话都说不得。你只要知道居勒什认识我们的纹章,他是愿者上钩。
>Do you know Cyno?
Sethos: Ahaha, what kind of a question is that? He's the General Mahamatra, everyone in Sumeru knows who he is. 啊哈哈,瞧你问的,须弥谁不认识大风纪官赛诺大人啊。
Paimon: Right, but back at the oasis, you can't have known who he was for sure, or you wouldn't have asked him. So what we're really asking is... Have you never seen him in person before? 可是刚才在绿洲,你还特地问了一句谁是赛诺。。。难道你从来没见过他?
Sethos: I've lived in the desert my whole life. Guess you could say... I've never had the pleasure. 我又不住在雨林,大风纪官哪是想见就能见到的?
Paimon: Ugh... Why does Paimon feel like this guy's not being straight with us... 唔。。。总觉得这家伙瞒着什么没说。。。
Sethos: C'mon, we've only just met. If I give you all the answers up front, you'll have nothing left to look forward to. 我们才见没多久,现在就把答案全都告诉你,以后的日子怎么过啊。
>Have you ever been to the Akademiya?
Sethos: No. Not once. 没进去过。
Paimon: Really?
Sethos: I have no need to go there — not when the taverns are full of the Urracas of this world. Besides, we're well aware of what goes on at that place. 我没必要去教令院啊,乌拉卡这种人酒馆里多的是。再说,教令院的作为我们也不是不清楚。
>Are you saying you have spies inside the city? Sethos: Spies? Heh, it's not as clandestine as that. The city gates are wide open, anyone's free to walk in. You can find out all you need to know just by walking around town and hearing the word on the street. 须弥城就在那里,谁想进就能随便进的嘛。每天那么多人在街上聊天,到处逛逛就知道了。
after bamoun's death
>nahida lines:
Sethos: Did you see, Grandfather? Cyno chose me to succeed you as leader of the Temple of Silence. I will now serve in his stead. It's still early days, and I can't say that I know him that well yet. But after that battle, I now understand why he came here with a whole group of friends. Companionship means to trust and be trusted. Just like Cyno and his friends, we too will fight side by side and support each other in times of trouble. 爷爷,你知道吗?赛诺选择我代替他成为缄默之殿的新任首领了。不能说我多了解他,可经过那一战,我完全明白了为什么赛诺和他的同伴会一起前来。信赖他人,也被人信赖,这才是同伴的意义。并肩作战,互相扶持,呵,这点上,我们和他们没有区别。
Cyrus: All these years, I've felt like I'm still young, I still have lots to look forward to in life. But now… I suddenly feel… I too have grown old, Bamoun, just like you. 这么多年,我经常觉得自己还年轻得很,还有很多事可以做。但现在,居然觉得。。。我和你一样,都还是老了啊,巴穆恩。
>talk to sethos:
Sethos: Grandfather, we did it. We achieved what we set out to do. From this day on, the Temple of Silence has the chance to work with the Akademiya once more. Real change, real opportunities... They are now within our grasp. 爷爷,目标达成了,就像我们期待的那一样。从今天开始,缄默之殿可能再次与教令院合作。改变和机遇,我们都已经得到了。
>talk to cyrus:
Cyrus: … *sigh* The people of the desert are stubborn folk, fiercely loyal to their heritage, even if it means suffering years of hardship and pain. You said this yourself. But why did you feel the need to go this far? You never were the fearsome leader you made yourself out to be, Bamoun. … Being stubborn and unyielding is bound to send you to an early grave. Haha... 。。。唉。沙漠人的固执决定了他们将忠于传承,也决定了他们要承受坎坷。这话是你自己说的。可为什么能执着到这种地步呢。。。你从来都不是可怕的人啊,巴穆恩。顽冥不灵的人,难免死在前头。哈哈。。。
after talking to cyrus as cyno
>nahida lines:
Cyrus: ... I can't treat my students like kids anymore. I have to admit, Cyno has matured far beyond my expectations. From now on, I'll just enjoy life as a retired sage. The future is safe in the hands of the younger generation.
我也不能把学生当小孩子看了。必须承认赛诺已经成长得超乎我想象。以后我啊,当一个退休老贤者就好啦。年轻一辈会负担起未来的。
Cyno: Joke... how do I make this a joke... 在想了,我在想了。。。
didn't transcribe the following conversations: collei and asfand when looking for cyno, zaha hadi dialogue, alhaitham and kaveh at the house of daena, dehya and candace, naphis and cyrus after returning, and the dialogue for cyrus and cyno at the end.
bilibili cn video of most of the missable scenes and nahida thought voicelines (i didn't know collei had one too until this lol). the english dub is all in the genshin wiki
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plulp · 9 months
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WORLDBUILDING???? 👀👀👀👀👀
you seriously dont want to ask about my ocs. i swear to god you dont. we're all going to have a horrible time. the last time i talked about worldbuilding it was all refrigerators. its all fridges. we'll all have a bad time
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theygender · 8 months
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The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃
#rambling#for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to#estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone)#and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments#and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms#it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me#(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲)#and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately#like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related#dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me#but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially#as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess?#like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally'#and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder#thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance#dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone#typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis)#and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself#and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex'#and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭#tmi#request to tag
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mooifyourecows · 2 months
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being the youngest child sucks actually because my older siblings are already in their "now's the time" phase and are pressuring me to go on bonding road trips and Return Home when IVE ONLY JUST LEFT
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ra-vio · 1 year
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thought of drawing this when I was fishing a couple of weeks ago
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vampirebiter · 3 months
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ive been a dick about horror since childhood. i distinctly remember being a kid watching the nightmare on elm street movies and being like "wow these arent scary at all and i dont really like them" even when i had basically no point of comparison besides reading goosebumps and scary stories to tell in the dark. i did still watch all 8 of them though.
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narzissenkreuz-ordo · 7 months
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me, wondering why ive been having panic attacks at night recently
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I found socks with my favorite flowers on them (nasturtiums!), but they literally don't match anything I own, so making an outfit with them is difficult.. just all black with the bright shoes and a random stuffed animal for accents lol
#self#ootd#still unsure if I should do the like.. 'saying where stuff is from' section at the end of outfit posts like I think it's popular to do#but it just feels repetitive because basically for everything is just 'it's all thrifted' occasional 'shoes from ebay 10 years ago so I don#t remember the seller' or 'socks from a random sock store in the mall 2 years ago' etc.#even the stuffed animal is from the bins lol#Shoes and tights and wigs are the only things that it tends to be harder to get from the bins. Though I still find some#except wigs. I wouldn't really wear Bin Wigs since half the bins have like mysterious wet stuff and mold in them or etc.#I've gotten some shoes and stuff there though. But most of my shoes are from online. It's just that theyre also not from#like.. brands..?? Like 'converse' or something. It's more.. some random ebay seller in 2017 or something#so then that feels weird too because I thought the point of that being popular is so people can go find the things you're wearing and#buy them or whatever. but in my case that would never be helpful ghjbjk#since I also keep things so long. I have shoes and stuff Ive had since elementary school#good luck tracking down where I got these tights on ebay in 2011. good luck going to the bins or a thriftstore and finding the same#exact dress or etc. So then in that case does it even matter?? eh#The only sense I could see it being useful in is like. people seeing that they could make looks without spending a lot of money.#since I have had some comments on costumes or makeups before like 'omg I would love to look like this if I had the $$ for clothes *sad emo#ji*' or whatever. and I always want to message them and be like.. this entire outfit cost like $2.. you can do it. Don't get discouraged#I mean depending on the resources available to you. I know not everyone has a bins type place near the#m. but still. and all of my makeup and wigs are cheap as hell. Probably full of terrible chemicals. but I wear them like. once every 5 mont#hs or less since I dont do full costumes that often so hopefully wont get an infection or something. etc. etc.#ANYWAY. I could see it being useful I guess in just letting people know most of everything is secondhand#if that's meaningful to them for some reason. but also I feel like thats obvious since I talk about it. so#still just seems repetitive to me. ANYWAY. Love nasturtiums... aaaaaa... even though it's not my colors at all and I never#wear black or anything that would match them#I had to do it. I also normally would never ever pay $12 for socks but.. it's SO specific to my tastes and I had never seen anything#with nasturtiums on it before since they dont seem as popular as like roses or sunflowers. One of my once every 2 years#impulse buys at a mall ghjhjb.. (I never go to malls and also just rarely buy stuff in general since I'm evil miserly penny pincher etc.)#Kind of like how once a year I allow myself to have one steak from a restaurant or something but that's all. Once every few years#I will go to a large mall at a not busy time of day so I can avoid crowds. just to look around for fun. and will maybe buy like. One thing
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immamapletreekid · 2 months
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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha
#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF#im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries#and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future#IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN#i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and#finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes#and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades#isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade#it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that#dictate every single fucking part of my life#and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb#ra and stats and calculus and cs#haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates#i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table#yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first#god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive#all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is#i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again#haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future#i hope i can still have time for hobbies#why si everyone at school so good at everything#ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent#i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states#my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo#meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day#how do i become like them#why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence#i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore
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s0fter-sin · 2 months
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are we prepared for the eventual influx of american tiktokers bc i’m not
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there should be a vault times comic. all 70 years of them. no skipping the boring bits. i want to see especially the boring bits. i want to see the excruciating bits
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hyp3rfixation-h3ll · 1 year
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Sorry for putting this one out so late, life got ahead of me today X__x I know i made a piece for PMATGA's overall bday, but I feel as if i should make a separate one for, arguably, the episode that literally changed my life, as corny as that sounds. So I did :o) Happy 10 years to the middleaged orb couple that changed mine and, in turn, many, many other peoples' lives. <3 (Feat mine and @cogsincorporated's respective designs for sunny and zac as well as the canon ones <3)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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4arconinoma · 1 year
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I need to write an essay about Little Nightmares or something I like it so much :((((((((((( I like it so much I need to infodump about it so bad but I don't even know how to go about it I like itn so much I like it so much
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britneyshakespeare · 7 months
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i finished twelfth night. 25 out of 38 shakespeare plays completed.
#after finally reading othello and twelfth night in the past 10 days im not sure which are the most famous plays i still havent read#bc like ive mentioned previously ive always read the plays in arbitrary order. whatever piqued my interest#hence why i read the henry vi plays relatively early on. or some of the more obscure comedies#but lately since i past the halfway mark this year some of the more talked-about ones im like 'geez i should just get to that one already'#not that that makes me enjoy it any less. i think i mentioned that in my post i made while reading othello#i fucking loved othello. that shit was 10/10 although i very much was reading it bc i felt like i had to at that point.#doesnt mean i wouldnt love it. after all i only read shakespeare bc i love shakespeare! not bc theres a gun to my head#its more like i just want to know what everyone's talking about already#tales from diana#i think at this point the most famous one i still havent read is... much ado about nothing? which isnt THAT famous all things considered#but some of you ppl do seem to be awful crazy about it so ill see#i already knew the plot of twelfth night i had just never read the original. now i have#so i kinda already knew how much enjoyment i could get out of it. some! a good amount!#but i found it a quick read and i wasnt THAT excited about it#the next one i want to read is pericles though. ive read 8 shakespeare plays in 2023 but none have been romances!#i do love the romances. the romances are still the only genre where i havent read more than half of them#ive read 2 out of 5. the tempest and the winter's tale... two of my favorites overall#in a way ive kind of been holding myself back from reading more romances bc i needed to check some of my 'required reading' boxes lol
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