#James singing this when Regulus leaves him to join the death eaters

[morningshush]

Sirius Black would absolutely have a love-hate relationship with ABBA — they are literally singing about his life:

The album ABBA was released April 21, 1976, when Sirius was in his fourth year and he

1) finally kissed Remus:

So I made up my mind

It must come to an end

Look at me now, will I ever learn?

I don’t know how

But I suddenly lose control

There’s a fire within my soul

Just one look and I can hear a bell ring

One more look and I forget everything, whoa

Mamma mia, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

(Mamma Mia)

2) told Severus to go to the Whomping Willow during a full moon…

Where are those happy days

They seem so hard to find

I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind

Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood

It used to be so nice, it used to be so good…

So, when you’re near me, darling, can’t you hear me

S.O.S.

The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S.

[…]

You seem so far away though you are standing near

You made me feel alive, but something died I fear

(S.O.S.)

3) realised the he loved Remus and told him:

Love me or leave me, make your choice but believe me

I love you

I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

I can’t conceal it, don’t you see, can’t you feel it?

[…]

So come on, now let’s try it

I love you, can’t deny it

'Cause it's true

(I do, I do, I do, I do, I do)

The album Arrival was released October 11, 1976, when Sirius was in his sixth year.

First of all, he’s the dancing queen:

Night is young and the music’s high

With a bit of rock music, everything is fine

(Dancing Queen)

Secondly, he’s run away from home and Regulus joined the Death Eaters:

I’ve seen it on your face

Tells me more than any worn-out old phrase

So now we’ll go separate ways

Never again we two

Never again, nothing I can do…

Like an image passing by

My love, my life

In the mirror of your eyes

My love, my life

I can see it all so clearly

Answer me sincerely

Was it a dream, a lie?

[…]

But I know I don’t possess you

So go away, God bless you

You are still my love and my life

Still my one and only

(My Love, My Life)

The Album was released December 12, 1977.

About Sirius and Remus:

I was an impossible case

No one ever could reach me

[…]

I'm a bashful child beginning to grow

And you make me talk

And you make me feel

And you make me show

What I'm trying to conceal

If I trust in you

Would you let me down?

Would you laugh at me

If I said I care for you?

[…]

Your smile, and the sound of your voice

And the way you see through me

Got a feeling, you give me no choice

But it means a lot to me

(The Name of the Game)

Also I have no idea if there were karaoke-bars in England in 1977, but in my head the marauders go to a karaoke-bar and they encourage Lily to go up on stage and do a song, which she is reluctant to but then caves in and starts singing Thank You For The Music with the loveliest voice and most enticing eyes and James m e l t s

Voulez-vous was released April 23, 1979, the year Regulus dies.

Remus to Sirius:

How I hate to see you like this

There is no way you can deny it

I can see that you're oh, so sad, so quiet

[…]

You were always sure of yourself

Now I see you’ve broken a feather

(Chiquitita)

Super Trouper was released November 3, 1980.

About Sirius and Remus:

Touch my soul, you know how

Andante, andante

Go slowly with me now

I'm your music, I’m your song

Play me time and time again and make me strong

Make me sing, make me sound

Andante, andante

Tread lightly on my ground

Andante, andante

Oh, please don’t let me down

(Andante, Andante)

In the summer of 1981, Sirius got sick of the war and decided to take Remus with him for a weekend in Paris:

The summer air was soft and warm

The feeling right, the Paris night

Did its best to please us

And strolling down the Élysées

We had a drink in each café

And you, you talked of politics, philosophy and I smiled like Mona Lisa

We had our chance

It was a fine and true romance

[…]

I can still recall our last summer

I still see it all

Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain

Our last summer

Memories that remain…

We made our way along the river

And we sat down in the grass

By the Eiffel tower

I was so happy we had met

[…]

We took the chance

Like we were dancing our last dance

I can still recall our last summer

I still see it all

In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame

Our last summer

Walking hand in hand

Paris restaurants

Our last summer

Morning croissants

Living for the day

Worries far away…

(Our Last Summer)

They toasted to many more summers like those, but it really was their last…

The Visitors was released November 30, 1981. A month earlier, Lily and James were murdered, Peter disappeared and Sirius was imprisoned.

Sirius in Azkaban:

One of us is crying, one of us is lying

In her lonely bed

Staring at the ceiling

Wishing she was somewhere else instead

One of us is shaking with a heart that’s breaking

One of us is lonely, one of us is only

Waiting for a call

Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small

Wishing she had never left at all

(One of Us)

Remus:

Do I really see what’s in her mind?

Each time I think I’m close to knowing

She keeps on growing

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table

Barely awake, I let precious time go by

Then when she’s gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling

And a sense of guilt I can’t deny

What happened to the wonderful adventures

The places I had planned for us to go?

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Well, some of that we did, but most we didn’t

And why, I just don’t know

(Slipping Through My Fingers)

Bonus:

Knowing Me, Knowing You is Remus walking through Grimmauld Place after Sirius’s death:

No more carefree laughter

Silence ever after

Walking through an empty house

Tears in my eyes

Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

[xysidhe]

Break My Heart by Matt Hansen has jegulus vibes

You can’t convince me otherwise. Just. Listen. Look.

James-

Darling, I would break my heart If it was gonna make yours whole I would rip myself apart If it was gonna heal your soul

Woke up in a panic for a moment Forget that you told me that you had to go

Regulus-

And I’m scared but I don’t wanna show it Feels like it’s been weeks but it’s only been days And I’m slowly losin’ all my self-control There’s only one thing I can say it’s

I could spend forever always lovin’ ya But if I let you go, would you be happier?

James-

I would pick up all the pieces I don’t need a million reasons Oh, to break my heart for yours

I’ll be lyin’ if I said that it’d be easy To realize that I wouldn’t have you by my side But I’d do it, if that’s what you needed

Regulus-

I say that I could let you go And I pray, I never have to know You’ll always be the one I love the most

https://open.spotify.com/track/5nlKcuzD8Pd79njhGXt1vT?si=425fb9ce08ae412a

[thesiriusmoon]

*this is my take on this💕*

I absolutely adore headcanons where it’s like:

Sirius definitely sang Muggle songs in his house to piss off his parents.

Except then I remember about Sirius’ home life... there’s also that part of me that’s like “he definitely didn’t do those things.” Because Sirius grew up in an ab*sive household. His house was cold and dark and I bet he only ever expressed himself freely when at Hogwarts with the marauders. Sirius wasn’t himself at home :(

He was rebellious yes, but subtly because if he was too loud in what he believed in then there would be terrible consequences. There’s his bedroom (something personal and not out in the open for everyone to see) that was very Gryffindor like, but I doubt he’d go any further than that because his life was literally on the line.

I like these headcanons, though we tend to only think about him having fun and not the aftermath of it. Which is why I can’t actually picture Sirius doing these things in Grimmauld Place such as parading about how much he loves muggles and their music and clothes. His parents were death eaters and hated anything to do with muggles, Sirius wasn’t going to risk his life just to have a bit of fun, which is why I think he would have *obeyed* his parents until he left again and was able to be himself.

Sorry for being such a downer, so here’s a lighter note on this. It’s one of the things I love James Potter for. Whenever Sirius left his parents house James was there for him immediately and joined in on his antics which made both of them happy. Making it all that more special for Sirius as it’s all he wanted to do— which was to be himself and have fun doing it.

James and his parents took Sirius in and made him part of the family, so I think he would have sang and paraded himself there instead of Grimmauld Place. Like imagine him coming downstairs singing a Queen song or something and Euphemia joins in and they start dancing in the kitchen together, and how happy Sirius would be over the love that he’s found in the Potter’s. That’s what makes him leaving Grimmauld Place more symbolic. The day Sirius left was the day he became free and could now be himself in the presence of his own home, and he now had two loving parents and another loving brother. (Regulus still loved Sirius I know he did. I might write another thing on their relationship because it’s so complex, interesting, and of course sad.)

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Angel (one shot)

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Request  helloooo can i ask for like a quick regulus x reader oneshot where the reader sings and regulus hears her voice and basically falls in love with it but he didnt see her face so he just comes back everyday to the same place in the hope of listening to her singing and seeing her face this time? this sounds specific i know but i feel like some soft reggie is all i need now 😭

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- mention of self harm 

________

Suffocating… that was the best word that Regulus could use to describe his life. After joining up with the death eaters at the lovely age of 16, Regulus had quickly grown to regret his decision. Anytime that the dark mark began to burn in the slightest, Regulus found himself dying for an excuse not to go. There was, however, not one...at least nothing in Lord Voldemort’s eyes that would be “good enough.” 

On the outside, Regulus had to keep his smooth and reserved demeanor. It didn’t matter on the inside how much he was screaming. No one cared. The people that did know what he was doing continued to go on and on about how he was doing “the right thing, the noble thing.” 

It was 7:00pm and Regulus found himself running down a quiet hallway. He had to get out of the Slytherin common room. He had to get away from Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. They had been so gleeful over a muggle that had been murdered the night before. Neither seemed to care about this person nor the family that they left behind. Regulus, when the deed was taking place, didn’t care. He stood stony faced as the man begged for his life. The moment Voldemort uttered his “favorite” spell, Regulus had to swallow back the feeling of nausea as he watched the light leave the man’s eyes. 

Regulus had done well not thinking about the “deed” all day. It wasn’t until he returned to the common room and overheard Evan’s conversation did Regulus find himself regretting the day that he was born. 

No one asked a question when Regulus walked out of the common room. Why would they? People would be dumb to question Regulus on something. People knew not to question Regulus on his doing unless they wanted to be jumped. 

Regulus stopped the moment that his hands hit the balcony. Breathing heavily, he closed his eyes mentally begging for the memory to leave his mind. 

Just stop...I fucking hate this! 

Regulus thought miserably. He was half tempted to throw himself off of the balcony. It looked like a good distance and if he was lucky wouldn’t survive the fall. Death would be better than living the way that he was at the moment! 

The brooding stopped the moment that a soft voice caught Regulus’ attention. He knew a lot of the “choir kids” would come up to this particular area of the castle to practice at points. Before today, however, Regulus had never paid any of them any attention. Today, it was different. This voice was soft, gentle...everything that Regulus needed. 

Right away he recognized the French folk song that he had heard numerous times as a child. Leaning his head back against the stone wall, all of the anxiety and tension slowly left. Regulus took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. They were no longer shaking. 

I should leave...but I don’t want to. She, whomever she is, has to have the most beautiful voice. She sounds like an angel.

Regulus thought with a tiny smile. Although he had no belief in heaven, hell, angels, or demons hearing this voice had to be what an angel would sound like if there were one. This soft voice was everything that Regulus needed to hear when he needed to be told “that everything would be alright.”  

Over the following days, Regulus found himself in the same place at the same time. It didn’t matter what kind of hell that he had going on. The moment that soft voice would sing all of the bad would vanish. Even if it was just one song, Regulus was feeling a million times better when he had to return to the Slytherin common room. 

The question plaguing Regulus’ mind now was who did the voice belong to? He had been trying to put an angelic voice with a face nonstop and was coming up with nothing. None of the girls in Slytherin house fit the idea that Regulus had in his mind. 

I have to find out.

He muttered as the signing stopped. Standing up, he quickly walked into the room not having any idea what he was about to say. Regulus knew that whatever girl this was would probably think that he was a creep for spying on her night after night. What kind of girl would want that? 

“I know you’re there.” 

The singing had stopped and was replaced with a soft comment on Regulus’ appearance. Regulus turned around to see Y/n Lupin sitting by the window. You were the girl...the voice...it all fit! Regulus blinked a few times as he took everything in. Of course, it was you. It all made sense. 

“Um...hi.”

Regulus muttered. He wasn’t for sure if he had ever spoken to you before. The two of you were in the same year but your paths didn’t cross much. You were in Hufflepuff and often kept to your little group of friends or with your older brother. 

You, meanwhile, smiled noticing Regulus’ awkward silence. 

“You’ve been up here the past few nights.” 

You commented. Regulus’ face blushed as you patted the seat beside you. Regulus slowly sat down and kept his eyes straight ahead.

He had to be a blithering idiot. There would be no way in hell that anything between the two of you would ever work. You were Remus Lupin’s sister. Regulus didn’t foresee Remus being too onboard with his sister dating a Slytherin (even if Slytherins and Hufflepuffs made great matches). 

“You were upset that first night. Are you better now?”

You asked. You knew the question was probably intrusive but it came out before you really thought better of it. That night, a few nights ago, you had been up doing what relaxed you the most...singing. When you heard the angry footsteps you considered stopping but thought about how your singing seemed to comfort your own brother when he was upset. Maybe this person needed a little comforting too (even if you didn’t know them). 

When you realized that it was Regulus Black the feeling of overwhelming sympathy washed over you. You didn’t know much about Regulus other than the fact that he was Sirius’ younger brother. Over the years that you were in school, you couldn’t help but notice how sad Regulus looked most of the time. You could see those sad dark eyes from your seat at the Hufflepuff table and wanted nothing more than to give him something to smile about. He reminded you of a puppy that had been kicked one too many times. If he was anything like Sirius then you knew that was exactly how Regulus was.

 It was no secret that Walburga Black was cruel to her children. You knew first hand of the abuse. You had heard about it from Sirius himself. If that was what was plaguing Regulus’ mind every night that he came to the balcony, maybe you could give him something to feel better about?

“There really isn’t getting any better.” 

Regulus commented as you scooted closer. You had a feelin what that vague comment was leading toward.

“About being a death eater?”

Regulus’ face went pale as he turned to look at you with wide eyes. 

“How do you know? Did my brother tell you?”

You shook your head at the raised tone of his voice. 

“Ssh now. We don’t need god and everyone to hear. I saw your arm doing potions one day.”

Regulus sneered in your direction. He didn’t know how to react. Maybe just be cold like normal? What the hell was he supposed to say?

“Let me guess, you are going to tell me that I am a horrible person and that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing...no matter if it's what my family expected of me.”

Your momentary silence was driving Regulus nutty. After a few moments, you finally spoke. 

“No. I was actually going to say I can’t imagine what you are going through. Sometimes our families are our own worst enemies.” 

Regulus sighed.

“You’ve got that right. Look, I wasn’t spying on you. I want to just throw that out there.” 

You smiled. 

“It's alright. Your aura doesn’t seem as tense after you’re here for a bit.” 

It was Regulus’ turn to be silent. He was trying to decide if he wanted to give you a compliment. If he messed things up, there was a good chance that he would never hear your angelic voice again...and that wasn’t something that he wanted to risk losing. 

“Your voice is nice….its soothing.” 

“Thank you.”

You replied as Regulus turned back to face you. His face this time was different. He had gone from death eater to the sad puppy that needed love. 

“That first night...I was actually considering pitching myself off of that balcony. Hearing you...that was the first time I heard the most beautiful voice. It was like gravity.” 

You reached out and gently took your hand in his. Were you overstepping your boundaries with a boy that you knew nothing about and who in turn knew nothing about you? Possibly. Did you care? Not really. 

“I’m glad that you didn’t do that. You know, believe it or not, I realize how hard things can be with family. My family isn't normal…”

“Your brother is a werewolf.”

Regulus commented and instantly regretted his choice of words when your face went pale. 

“Not that it matters though. It's just who Remus is.” 

Regulus quickly added, hoping to save what hope of a friendship that he had with you. You, to his relief, smiled. 

“Yes, it is who he is. I feel no guilt in telling you this now. With his condition, I tend to be second in the family. My parents don’t mean to put me on the back burner but it happens. It's hard...so I know now you must feel. How did you figure it out, if you don’t mind me asking. He literally tells no one.” 

Regulus shrugged. 

“Just put the puzzle pieces together.” 

You continued to rub slow circles over Regulus’ palm hoping to relax him further. This was the first time (other than James and Sirius) someone had figured out Remus “furry little problem.” 

“You’re really intelligent and perceptive then. If you want...you know...we could do this every evening when you're free. We don’t have to tell anyone that we are meeting up. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone outside of your friend circles.” 

Regulus looked up and was clearly surprised. 

“You would want to see me again?”

You nodded. 

“If you want to see me that is...no pressure.” 

Regulus quickly nodded, cutting you off. 

“I would love to see you again...maybe around 7 tomorrow?”

You gave his hand a squeeze. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

_________

@amelie-black @realgaytrash @truly-insatiable @fandomsxxregulus @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @spiderxalmighty @jessyballet @knreidy1 @bennyberry @quuenofblacks @hazncalsgal @criminalyetminimal @whymyparentscheckmyphone @acciosiriusblack @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @summer-novak @hankypranky @stuckinsaudi1 @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @li0nh34rt @tas898 @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @shitfaceddaniel @untoldshortsofthefandoms @deanwherescas @sprnaturallover @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Five times two of the Marauders made out when drunk and one time it was sober

cowboy like me - Taylor Swift / Your Song - from “Moulin Rouge”

ONE: James & Sirius

James and Sirius are the first of the Marauders to make out while drunk (what an honor, amiright?). They’re at a typical Gryffindor party when Spin the Bottle turns into something more. They stagger from the couch upstairs, not noticing Remus still on his bed in their dorm, and collapse back onto the bed in giggles.

Remus leaves without their acknowledgement, and they keep kissing until James’ hand slides under Sirius’ shirt and he wrenches back in panic. James calms him down while holding his hands and Sirius confesses he never wants to do anything like that with anyone.

James just smiles and runs his fingers through Sirius’ hair, cupping Sirius’ jaw and kissing him again as he mumbles, “Love you no matter what, Pads.” Sirius grins, kissing him harder and falling asleep beside him when the night is done.

(They tell the others they’re dating the next day, their hands wrapped nervously in between them. Remus says, “I figured as much,” and opens a book and starts reading, which confuses them both, but Peter’s excited questions soon distract them, though James is not blind to how Sirius is watching Remus still, whose knuckles are white from how hard he’s holding the book in his hands.)

TWO: Peter & Regulus (+ James & Sirius)

They all get drunk, just the seven of them, a bit after Sirius has started calling himself Mr. Potter. Remus is sitting alone on the couch, his face buried in his arms after he can no longer keep it from crumpling with hurt, and Lily is tangled around Severus and pressing kisses to his neck as she tells him stories and he braids her hair. James and Sirius are making out on top of the table in front of the fireplace, and Regulus is by the entrance door, hands tangled in Peter’s hair as he kisses him harder than he’s ever kissed anyone, the headline MUGGLE AMIR LEVIS KILLED IN LONDON BY SUSPECTED DEATH EATERS leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

When they wake up the next morning in each other’s arms, they blink owlishly at each other before Regulus smiles and bites his lip and looks away while Peter grins too and then they’re both laughing so hard they’re crying, too happy to even breathe.

Sirius curses Peter out for daring to fall for his brother, but says nothing about them holding hands the rest of the day. Remus makes a scathing comment about Sirius not knowing who to fall for if they were right fucking in front of him, and Sirius stares and blinks and stares and blinks and stares and blinks before finally murmuring, “Of course, Moony,” and shutting up for the rest of the day, testy to James’ touch.

THREE: Lily & Remus (+ Sirius & Remus)

This time, Remus is drunk because he’s lost any and all hope after Sirius and James danced on the table in the Great Hall at breakfast and laughed and kissed like no one else in the world mattered but each other. Lily joins him because she and Severus just broke up over her growing feelings for James, and it’s not like she missed their little display that morning. They’re pretty drunk when she finally surges forward and kisses him, pressing him back into the couch insistently.

They’re still heavily making out when Sirius and James clammer into the common room, both gaping in shock at the sight that awaits them. Lily pulls back and waves cheerily at James, falling on her back with her hair splayed out and shouting, “Jamie! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, I love you! You’re the bestest ever!” and James tries not to be endeared when he smiles and helps her up from the couch and to her room.

Sirius heads for Remus with his hands reaching out, cautious, and Remus drops his hand from his red-bitten lips and shoves himself as far back from Sirius as he can get, shaking his head. Hugging the wine bottle to his chest, he drips venom from his lips, years of pent-up hurt coming to light: “Don’t fucking want you, Black. Hurt me. All you do is hurt me.”

Sirius’ face twists in hurt and he murmurs, “I’m sorry, Remy.”

Remus scoffs, huffing as he stumbles up from the couch and to their dorm, slapping Sirius’ hands away any time he tries to touch him. Collapsing back on his bed, he draws the curtains around him, but Sirius peeks his head through, asking softly, “How am I hurting you? How can I fix it?”

Remus blinks for a minute and then smirks, tugging Sirius down by the tie and dragging him into a filthy kiss. Shoving him back before he even has time to realize what’s happening, Remus mutters, “You may be an idiot, Sirius, but you’re not stupid. Figure it out.”

Sirius sits there and blinks as Remus rolls over and makes himself comfortable, but leaves when he sees Remus blinking back tears and hears his nearly inaudible, “Leave me alone. Please.”

The next morning, Remus and Lily announce they’re dating without any of the usual cheer and joy involved in new relationships. Their hands are barely laced together. Severus storms out of the Great Hall and James runs after him while Sirius stares in shock and finally manages through a dry mouth, “Congratulations.”

FOUR: Severus & Regulus

They’re playing Truth or Dare late one night. They know Remus is wasted because he’s actually answering their questions about werewolves during Truth. He and Lily are leaning into each other, and Sirius has his fingers tangled in James’. Regulus chooses a dare from Remus, and he tells him to make out with Severus. Severus turns bright red but accepts it when Regulus tugs him in by the tie, kissing him filthily.

Sirius looks up at James, not wanting to see his brother making out with someone, and James smiles down at him softly. Sirius’ heart skips in his chest with affection, but it feels different than it has before when James leans down to kiss him.

“You okay?” James murmurs, and Sirius’ eyes flick to Remus, whose face is carefully blank and eyes are caught on Sirius’.

Sirius swallows and nods when Peter shouts, “Okay, you can stop now!”

Regulus pulls back from Severus’s mouth and kisses his cheek just for good measure, turning back to a stewing Peter. He then makes his way over to his unofficial boyfriend of a few moths and straddles him, cupping his face in his hands and kissing him as Lily whoops and Sirius smiles proudly. He notices Severus and James glancing at each other, but says nothing, leaning further into James’ side when Regulus starts speaking: “Don’t you worry about me, Petey. I’m always gonna be right here for you.”

Peter grins and kisses him again, but Sirius is frozen, ears ringing as he’s shot back to a year or so ago and him and Remus tangled up together in bed…

“Don’t you worry about me, Padfoot. I’m always gonna be right here, waiting for you.”

Sirius realizes, with a start and a pang to his heart, that Remus is in love with him.

(Took him long enough.)

FIVE: James & Remus

Remus’ most recent full moon kind of sucked, so they’re all drinking to cheer him up. He and Lily broke up like a week ago, and she’s been back with Severus for most of that week, settled in his lap and snoring against his shoulder. Regulus and Peter are passed out in the corner, and Severus is staring at James, who is staring right back.

And then there’s Remus, laughing at one of James’ stupid jokes and his eyes are sparkling in a way they haven’t in months, and Sirius wonders if Remus has moved on from him. But he doesn’t have much time to dwell on it because Remus is wearing a Kiss Me I’m Irish shirt (which is stupid, he’s Welsh) and James jokes, “Well, if you insist!” and leans down making kissy faces. He doesn’t anticipate Remus dragging him down into a deep kiss, but soon enough he’s laughing it off, even as Sirius feels his hands clench into fists by his sides.

He stands and storms upstairs, and James follows him, shouting his name. Banging open the door of their dorm room, Sirius waits until James has come in and shut it before slamming him against it and kissing him stupid. Then, suddenly, he pulls back, his fingertips to his lips as he backs away to his bed, falling back onto it.

“You okay?” James asks, wandering over, and Sirius shrugs, his eyes filling up with tears.

“I felt nothing,” he rasps, taking James’ hand. “Back there, down there, I was so fucking jealous, I wanted to tear you two apart. But I just kissed you like we were about to die and I felt nothing.”

James hums. Sirius looks up at him, whispering, “I love you, Jamie.”

James leans down and pecks his lips with a soft smile, saying, “I love you too, Siri. But maybe you’re right.”

Sirius lets out a wet laugh and sits up, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m in love with him,” he says as James sits up and pulls him close. “I love him, Jamie.”

James kisses the top of his head.

“I know.”

ONE: Sirius & Remus

The common room is mostly empty now. Lily dragged Severus and James up to bed in their dorm room a little while back, and Regulus and Peter weren’t far behind. The record player is still playing Moulin Rouge, because it’s Marlene’s favorite musical and the Gryffindor Quidditch-win parties never last nearly as long as you’d think. So it’s still playing even when all that’s left in the common room is crumpled confetti and streams and cups, and Sirius and Remus.

Remus is sitting on the couch, his knees pulled to his chest and his nose buried in a book as Sirius wanders around the room picking up trash. But he keeps glancing up at Sirius, and Sirius can’t help but look over at him. And then they’re staring at each other, Remus blushing pink to the tips of his ears, and the song on the record player changes to Your Song.

Sirius takes a deep breath and starts singing, walking tentatively closer to Remus with a hand outstretched in offer. On one knee in front of Remus, Sirius sings, “Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen!” and Remus takes his hand, quick as a shot.

Sirius beams, pulling Remus up into a dance. They spin around the room, dancing and singing and smiling and laughing and spinning until the song starts to ebb out, and Remus comes crashing back into Sirius’ arms from a twirl. Their eyes flick down to each other’s lips and then up to meet, and Sirius grins as Remus smiles shyly.

Leaning in, his hand on Remus’ cheek, Sirius rasps, “Not a joke, Moony. Not drunk, either. I’m just mad as the Hatter about you.”

Remus beams, flushing bright red as he leans in the rest of the way and kisses Sirius full on the mouth.

(They announce they’re dating the next morning to whoops and cheers. Half of the school is grumbling in annoyance about their losses (Gryffindor, Slytherin) while the other half is grinning smugly and waving around their newly won bags of sickles (Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw). Remus blushes in embarrassment, but then Sirius is kissing him again and Remus couldn’t give two shits if the bloody Minister was watching, he’s kissing Sirius Black goddamnit and he’s not sure death herself could make him stop.)

[t4twolfstar]

Pearl Jam songs as the marauders' story

listen here

explanations under read more

Red Mosquito - Remus is bit by Greyback

two steps ahead of him, punctures in your neck…/ Hoverin' just above your bed... (2x)/ I was bitten...must have been the devil…/ He was just paying me…/ A little visit, reminding me of his presence…

Jeremy - most of the song, Sirius

Okay so we’re going to look at the verses not the refrain for this one bc (TW su*) this song is based on an actual boy who diy died in front of his class so like no we’re not relating to that part but the “Clearly I remember/ Pickin’ on the boy/ Seemed a harmless little fuck/ But we unleashed the lion….Daddy didn't give affection, no/And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear”

Daughter - Sirius at home

Trans sirius in an abusive household………. “Mother reads aloud, child tries to understand it/Tries to make her proud/ The shades go down, it's in her head/ Painted room, can't deny that something's wrong/ Don’t call me daughter, not fit to”

Leash - Sirius and Remus’ toxic codependent love and then yelling at the establishment/people who say they’re too young going too deep too hard too fast

“Troubled souls unite/ We got ourselves tonight, oh/ I am fuel you are friends we got the means to make amends/ I am lost I'm no guide but I'm by your side/ I am right by your side….We will find a way we will find our place/ Drop the leash drop the leash/Get outta' my fuckin' face”

Why Go? - Sirius becoming disenchanted w his family

Trans Sirius too of course. She seems to be stronger/ But what they want/ Her to be is weak/ She could play pretend/ She could join the game, boy/ She could be another clone….don’t come visit/mother/ why go home?

Blood - Sirius’ family trying to make him into something he’s not

Spin me round/ Roll me over/ Fucking circus/ Stab it down/ One way needle/ Pulled so slowly/ Drains and spills/ Soaks the pages/ Fills their sponges/ It’s my blood/ It’s my blood

WMA - basically about all the big pureblood families that can get away w anything

“He won the lottery when he was born/ Took his mothers white breast to his tongue/ Do no wrong so clean cut/ Dirty his hands, it comes right off” (tw for song: police, implied police violence)

Do the Evolution - Sirius ranting abt/mocking his family

Admire me, admire my home/ Admire my son, he's my clone…./ I'll do what I want but irresponsibly/ It’s evolution, baby/ I’m a thief, I'm a liar/ There’s my church, I sing in the choir:/ (Hallelujah, hallelujah)

Bushleaguer - abt the aristocracy etc

This song is literally about George bush lmao but I love it abt the upper class

“Born on third, thinks he got a triple…./The aristocrat choir sings, "what's the ruckus?”/ The haves have not a clue/ The immenseness of suffering”

Mind your manners - You guessed it - Sirius rejecting his family

I've got an unfortunate feelin’/ I've been beaten down/I feel I don't believe/ And now the truth is coming out/ What they've taken is more than a vow/ They’ve taken your innocence/ And then they throw them on a burning fire/ All along they're sayin’/ Mind your manners

My father’s son - SIRIUS

I am my father's son,/ Yeah, too bad he was a psychopath and now I'm the next in line, , dear mother, yes, surely she's a work of art,…/Can I get a reprieve?/ This gene pool dark and deep…./Now father you're dead and gone and I'm finally free to be me,/ Thanks for all your dark gifts for which I've got no sympathy,/ I’m living in a walled-up place in the bounds of 5th symphony

Yellow Ledbetter - Sirius

Okay so 97% of the the lyrics are indecipherable when Eddie sings them but you can hear I don’t wanna stay

Go - Regulus to Sirius as he’s trying to leave

(Abuse tw) So sorry about this one yall …… .but yes I think this is regulus finally realizing that he shouldn’t have let things get so bad at home (Sirius blames him for not stepping in even tho he’s a child there’s nuance here etc) and he’s begging Sirius not to leave him here “Oh please don't go out on me don't go out on me now/ Never acted up before don't go on me now/ I swear I never took it for granted just thought of it now/ Suppose I abused you just passing it on….I pulled the covers over him shoulda' pulled the alarm/ Turned to my nemesis…Please don't go on me/ Don’t go on me/ Don’t go on me/ Don’t go on me/ please”

Rearviewmirror - Sirius running away

(Tw abuse) Time to emancipate/ I guess it was the beatings made me wise….Forced to endure/ What I could not forgive/ I seem to look away/ Wounds in the mirror waved/ It wasn't my surface most defiled

Can’t Keep - Sirius running away from home

I want to shake/ I want to wind out/ I want to leave/ This mind and shout/ I’ve lived/ All this life/ Like an ocean/ In disguise/ I don't live for ever/ You can't keep/ Me here

Hail, Hail - Remus and Sirius’ codependent strong love

A how I love you till the day I die...ah and beyond…/ are we going to the same place? If so, can I come?/ It’s egg rollin' thick and heavy...all the past we carry…

Release - Remus thinking about his dad

Remus’ dad is so full of guilt for his hand in remus’ transformations that he extracted himself from remus’ life. Remus laments here, “Oh, dear dad/ Can you see me now?/ I am myself/ Like you somehow” “I'll hold the pain/Release me” he’d would rather have a dad, guilt and all, here, than the self appointed absence but since you left me with the absence and grief and loss of it, at least release me from it, loosen your grip so I can move on.

Present Tense - Sirius and Remus talking probably laying in the forbidden forest assuaging one another’s beliefs of the gnarled beasts they think they are

BUGS - prob remus when he turns before the boys know

Bugs on my ceiling/ Crowded the floor/ Standing sitting kneeling…/ A few block the door/ And now the question’s:/ Do I kill them?/ Become their friend?/ Do I eat them?/ Do I join them?/ I’ll just stop now/ I’ll become naked/ And with the...I'll become one

Who you are - probably James at remus when he thinks he’s a big monster

Who are we?/ Who we are./ What’s your part? Who you are / You are who you are.

Save you - GOD THIS SONGG okay this is probably James @ Sirius when home life is bad and also Sirius @ Remus and also Remus @ Sirius it’s all of them @ all of them

Gonna save you fucker, not gonna lose you/ Feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go,/ Too important to me/ Too important to us, we'd be lost without you/ Baby, let yourself fall, I'm right below you now/ And fuck me if I say something you don't want to hear/ And fuck if you only hear what you want to hear/ Fuck me if I care, but I'm not leaving here/ You helped me when I was down, I'll help when you're down/ Why are you hitting yourself, c'mon hit me instead

Life Wasted - Sirius @ Reg re: leaving

I escaped it, a life wasted./ I’m never going back again…./ You're always saying you're too weak to be Strong./ You’re harder on yourself than just about Anyone/ Why swim the channel just to get this far?/ Halfway there, why would you turn around?

Severed Hand - Reg joins the death eaters

Big man stands behind an open door/ Said, leave your lady on the cement floor./ Got some kicks, want to take a ride?/ I said, yeah!/ Oh please understand I just need, my friend,/ A way a way a way home

Brain of J. - Reg and Sirius arguing after he joins the death eaters

The whole world will be different soon/ The whole world will be relieving/ You, you've been taught/ We’d been the same, now they got you in line/ Stand behind the stripes/ There will be order, so give it a good mind…./And by name/ The name they gave me/ The name I'm letting go

Deep - Regulus knows he’s in too deep

This is Regulus knowing he’s in too deep, Voldemort and the death eaters are such bad fucking people and he’s in too deep now (massive tw for this song for drugs and se*ual violence)

“Ponders his Maker, ponders his will/ in too deep/ can’t touch the bottom”

Pilate - Remus abt Sirius ;0)

Like Pilate I have a dog/ (Obeys listens kisses loves)/ Walks me out of town/ Still one's a crowd/ Making angels in the dirt/ Looking up looking all around

You Are - in love 🥰

Love is a tower/ Of strength to me/ I am the shoreline/ But you're the sea

Red Bar - the war begins

War, I’m crazy/ War I’m crazy I’m war the song is also a lil goofy so it’s maybe just like going crazy being so in it that it’s funny now

Porch - WARTIME EVERYONE @ THEIR LOVERS

It’s the war and everyone knows today could be their last day and tensions are running high in relationships and they love each other so much and need each other but snap at one another nonetheless

What the fuck is this world running to?/ You didn't leave a message/ At least I could have learned your voice one last time/ Daily minefield, this could be my time by you/ Would you hit me? Would you hit me?/ Hear my name, take a good look/ This could be the day/ Hold my hand, walk beside me

Thin Air - babes in love

There's a light, when my baby's in my arms,/ There’s a light, when the window shades are drawn…/ And I know she's reached my heart, in thin air.

All or None - More war time songs soz

Here's the selfless confession/ Leading me back to war/ Can we help that our destinations/ Are the ones we've been before?/ I still try to run on/ But it's all or none

Parting Ways - Lily @ James during the war

She knows their future's burning/ But she can smile just the same, same/ And though her mood is fine today/ There’s a fear they'll soon be parting ways

Love Boat Caption - Sirius/Remus, Lily/James, etc etc. during the war

Love boat captain/ Take the reigns and steer us towards the clear, here/ It’s already been sung, but it can't be said enough/ All you need is loveIt's an art to live with pain/ Mix the light into grey/ Lost nine friends we'll never know/ Two years ago today/ And if our lives became too long/ Would it add to our regret?…./Hold me and make it the truthThat when all is lost, there will be you

Evacuation - going into hiding

Lukin- Lily and James have to go into hiding

(Tw st*lking mention in explanation, gun mention in song) The song was written by Eddie when he was being stalked and he had to bring himself and his wife to a friend’s house for safety.

In Hiding - Lily and James are in hiding and enter Peter

No way in or out/ I turned and walked the hallways/ And pulled the curtains down…./I swallow the truth to keep from lying/ i'm no longer overwhelmed and it seems so simple now/ Yeah, it's funny how things change so much/ It’s all state of mind

Once - Peter Pettigrew betraying the marauders

Literally about someone committing a mass murder. “Once upon a time I could control myself.” “Mimic whats insane.”

Around the Bend - I'm so sorry ummm but Lily to Harry on Halloween 💀

I am wishing you a well…./ I hold your head deep in my arms/ My fingertips, they close your eyes/ Off you dream, my little child/ There’s a sun around the bend/ Please forgive me, won't you, dear?/ Please forgive and let me share with you, around the bend/ You’re an angel when you sleep/ How I want your soul to keep, on and on around the bend

Garden - Sirius being taken to Azkaban

He’s just taking his fate as it comes to him.

The direction of the eye/ So misleading/ The defection of the soul/ Nauseously quick/I will walk, with my hands bound/ I will walk, with my face blood/ I will walk, with my shadow flag/ Into your garden/ Garden of stone

Even flow - IS SO VERY MUCH SIRIUS IN AZKABAN

sung from the pov of an incarcerated person waiting for life to begin again

BUGS - Sirius in Azkaban (yes I already said this abt remus but idc)

Bugs on my ceiling/ Crowded the floor/ Standing sitting kneeling…/ A few block the door/ And now the question’s:/ Do I kill them?/ Become their friend?/ Do I eat them?/ Do I join them?/ I’ll just stop now/ I’ll become naked/ And with the...I'll become one

Black - Remus lamenting about Sirius’ perceived deception

Remembering their love and how now so many of his memories are tainted (by) black and that all of this has changed him fundamentally (star imagery, “black”, “tattooed everything”)

Indifference - Sirius in grimmauld place, sirius in Azkaban

Sirius taking his home life in stride until he can leave, taking Azkaban in stride bc it doesn’t matter any way bc he believes he deserve it anyway

“Pretend I'm free to roam/ I will make my way/ Through one more day in hell/ How much difference does it make?/ How much difference does it make?/ I will hold the candle/ Till it burns up my arm/ Oh, I'll keep takin' punches/ Until their will grows tired/ Oh, I will stare the sun down/ Until my eyes go blind/ Hey, I won't change direction/ And I won't change my mind/ How much difference does it make?/ How much difference does it make?/ I’ll swallow poison, until I grow immune/ I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room”

Alive - Remus post ’81

Eddie originally wrote the song as a lament - why did I live when he didn’t? Why am I still alive?

“Is something wrong she said, of course there is, you’re still alive she said, but do I deserve to be?”

Animal - Remus after ’81 when he needs to transform alone

Feat. A throwback to being turned (so tw: abd*ction) “Torture from you to me, yeah/Abducted from the street/I'd rather be with an animal”

Nothingman - Sirius and Remus after ’81

Once divided nothing left to subtract/ Some words when spoken can't be taken back/ Walks on his own with thoughts he can't help thinking/ Future’s above but in the past he's slow and sinking…./ She once believed in every story he had to tell/ One day she stiffened took the other side/ Empty stares from each corner of a shared prison cell/ One just escapes one's left inside the well

Smile - Remus @ the marauders (except it’s after ’81 and he just thinks of them fondly)

Don't it make you smile?/ I miss you already/ I miss you always/ I miss you already/ I miss you all day/ This is how I feel/ Three crooked hearts swirls all around/ Don’t it make you smile?

In my tree - remus abt sirius after ’81

I remember him, yeah…/ I swore I knew everything, oh yeah…/ They say knowledge is a dream, yeah…/ He's growing up just like me, yeah…

Light Years - Remus abt Sirius

But now you're gone, I haven't figured out why/ I’ve come up with riddles and jokes about war/ I’ve figured out numbers and what they're for/ I’ve understood feelings and I've understood words/ But how could you be taken away?/ Back pages and days alone that could have been spent/ Together, but we were miles apart Every inch between us becomes light years now

I’m open - Remus!!!! Post ’81

After spending half his life searching he still felt as blank/ As the ceiling at which he stared/ He is alive but feels absolutely nothing/ So is he?/ When he was six he believed that the moon overhead followed him/…..So this is what it's like to be an adult/ If he only knew now what he knew then

Thumbing my Way - Remus post ’81 again blah blah ikik

I can't be free with what's locked inside of me/ If there was a key you took it in your hand/ There’s no wrong or right but I'm sure there's good and bad/ The questions linger overhead

Rats - we know how remus like to soliloquize …. This is him waxing poetic about how fucking horrible Peter is

The song itself is kind of listing the many ills of humankind saying how rats don’t compare to people bc they don’t do all this. But Peter isnt really a rat. He’s a man and oppresses like a man and betrays like a man and takes like a man.

“Drink the blood of their so-called best friend….They don't scurry when something bigger comes their way….Don't take what's not theirs“

Oceans - Sirius escaping Azkaban

Hold on to the thread/ The currents will shift, glide me towards/ You know something's left/ And we're all allowed to dream of the next…..The sea will rise/ Please stand by the shore/ I will be there once more

Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town - Sirius after Azkaban

200004309248% sirius returning from 12 years isolated. He doesn’t really recognize most things. Remus wouldn’t recognize him. He’s different. Changed by being unchanged. He couldn’t grow and learn and morph and become. He stagnated yet decayed. But he’s back and he recognizes your skin and your breath. He’s back.

Off He Goes - Sirius is a Sagittarius in the first half, second half is post PoA

Know a man his face seemed pulled and tense/ Like he's riding on a motorbike in the strongest winds/ So I approach with tact/ Suggest that he should relax/ But he's always movin' much too fast/ Said he'll see me on the flip side/ On this trip he's taken for a ride…./ And now I rub my eyes for he has returned/ Seems my preconceptions are what should have been burned/ For he still smiles and he's still strong/ Nothing’s changed, but the surrounding bullshit, that has grown/ And now he's home, and we're laughing, like we always did/ My same old, same old friend/ Until a quarter-to-ten

All Those Yesterdays - and cue the bath scene, remus washes his lost love

Don't you think you oughta rest?/ Don’t you think you oughta lay you head down?/ You don't think there's time to stop/ There’s time enough for you to lay your head down tonight tonight/ Let it wash away/ All those yesterdays

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 148: The Unbreakable Vow

The ceiling and walls had been draped with emerald, crimson, and gold hangings, so that it looked as though they were all inside a vast tent. The room was stuffy but breathable to just the eight of them, bathed in the red light cast by an ornate golden lamp dangling from the center of the ceiling in which real fairies were fluttering, each a brilliant speck of light. Loud singing accompanied by what sounded like mandolins issued from a distant corner, James crashing right into the instrument and cutting off the noise. A haze of pipe smoke hung over Remus's head and he coughed deeply as he got to his feet.

Several silver platters of food crashed to the floor around all of them and Sirius swooped in for the hors d'oeuvres, grabbing the majority of them and jogging over to Moony and offering him a selection before running around to the others, stuffing himself silly along the way.

Peter and Regulus were each given little cucumber sandwiches and a passive smile as he skipped off. They couldn't help laughing at him same as the others, but Regulus' eyes caught on Slughorn's bag and he went over to it curiously, beginning to dig through the contents like he'd wanted to do countless times instead of mingling with his boring guests.

His wand was in here, along with a pile of coins and a few vials of things he hadn't a hope to recognize but was sure they were of some value, probably to be traded to or from some important person here.

He picked one up and tipped it in the light, but Peter frowned in concern and cautioned, "let's not open those please? I wouldn't put it past Slughorn to be carrying around something nasty to show off."

"Fair enough," Regulus agreed, putting it gently back. His mind flickered back to their teacher being on the run and clearly still weary of something being done to him, and his stomach swirled unpleasantly for that possibly being his future. He still wondered very often how he'd died, his practical magic not being up to snuff against Death Eater's and their spells, and he wouldn't have a clue how to counter act anything else of danger like a poison, he only knew a bezoar to fix that. He watched Peter for a few moments listening to the book and thought about him and his brother for several moments before asking, "would you teach me how to be an animagus?"

Peter watched him for a long time with an unfamiliar look on his face, and Regulus hastily explained, "I remember you can't pick the animal and it's really difficult, but I'll try really hard at it, I promise! It couldn't hurt right? Sounds really clever and useful, I know it's come in handy with you lot during this, like back in the shop." Peter had whispered the explanation of how he'd gotten out of his problem after the fact, and the idea had been hovering ever since. There was also Lupin, which still fascinated him on multiple levels, he'd only ever read studies mum and dad had given on how to kill, not help.

"Nobody's ever asked me to teach them something before," Peter finally answered in a shy sort of voice. "James and Sirius helped me out a lot, and there's all kinds of steps involved you can't even get a hold of until we get out of this..." Regulus just kept watching him hopefully, he wasn't even biting his cheek. He wasn't thinking about this, he really wanted it. "It's also illegal," he firmly reminded, "we'd get into all sorts of trouble if anyone found out. You don't want to wait until you're of age?"

"No. I know the consequences," Regulus promised. He still held his breath until Peter finally smiled and said yes. He couldn't help but bounce on the spot in delight, finally something good to look forward to when they got out of this! He thanked him so profusely Peter when the brightest red in surprise, and he wondered for a moment if anyone had shown him such gratitude before either.

"Since when is Sirius Black in a good mood to be at one of Slughorn's parties?" Alice asked no one in particular as she savored a stuffed mushroom. Her and Frank had seen him at exactly two, and both had been memorable disasters for the chaotic Marauders.

"Alcohol," Remus told her as he watched his progress fondly. "I give it before anyone even finds the book he'll be in Slughorn's private stores."

Since the party was semi ruined by their host, and all guests still mysteriously being absent, the others began lounging on couches and settling on the floor like they were still looking for a brief respite in sleep.

Remus' skin prickled with unease at the idea, he popped the last of a tartare into his mouth and followed after him. His guess had been absolutely right, Sirius had slipped into Slughorn's private storage room and now had bottles of alcohol on him a plenty. Wine racks, differently designed bottles of brandy, even a few exotic teas lined the shelves in the wide open space. A tempered glass door showed his shadow, and Sirius had his bum wagging in excitement.

"Look at some of this stuff Moony!" He hadn't even turned around yet. "Man's always good use for it! Want to pop a bottle of this, it's Rosmerta's best oak-matured mead!" It still had a gift tag attached to it and everything. He turned around now, sloshing it suggestively and eyeing the still open door meaningfully.

The desire that nearly drowned him was an easy nod of agreement. The detail he and Sirius would be plenty drunk and distracted while the others would be asleep soon enough and the book would keep going before Sirius realized his laps was surely inconsequential.

James slipped in before Remus could slam the door on his nose. "Perfect!" He yelped in delight upon also seeing Sirius' prize. He snatched it out of his hand and took off laughing, Sirius yelping in protest and chasing after. Remus felt his heart climb up his throat for a completely different reason now at the horrible prospects this was turning into, he did not need a Padfoot with an even more loose tongue than usual around this lot!

They were wrestling over it in front of a table of several goblets full of mead. Remus only just had time to hope they might break it and settle for the lesser ones as the bottle thunked dangerously against the floor when Sirius pinned James, but there wasn't even a crack on it as Padfoot got it out of his hands and swooped to his feet in victory to be the one to pop the cork.

"You two are a menace," Frank told them as he reached over to sip the non-alcoholic ones, even summoning the book to him. He still had a slight headache from the last time he'd indulged, and if they were going to be awake, he might as well get on with it. Alice hung next to his arm and watched the book with him, frowning at the horrible prospects of Ron and Hermione's friendship being ruined because of love gone wrong. She kept squeezing Frank's hand and didn't even watch the boy's antics, neither noticed Lily leave their side.

Potter still looked a bit on edge as he watched his friends, and she was starting to feel a little guilty for her cowardice before. She may as well have a little fun and maybe, hopefully give Alice's advice a go and hope a third party would ease their tension.

Frank's comment was thoroughly ignored as Sirius grabbed a glass and tossed the unwanted liquid away before greedily being refilled. Remus swooped in with a challenging smirk and managed to delicately take it without spilling a drop.

Sirius sighed but gracefully accepted the defeat, repeating the process on another glass and creating a puddle on the floor, but Remus hesitated taking a drink, determined to remain as clear headed as he needed to be to keep an eye on him. James even snatched that one away, and Sirius slammed the bottle down so that he could throw his hands in the air in mutiny. "What have I done to deserve this cruelty?"

"Just your natural charm Padfoot," James grinned as he made to take a sip-

Evans snatched it away. He was so stunned he stood there with that familiar look of awe for several seconds, it even started to linger longer than usual as she actually smiled at him. There was no mistaking the teasing flirt in her voice. "Ladies first, yes?"

He nodded like a broken seesaw and watched with his heart thudding in his chest as she drank.

Sirius didn't notice, he'd turned back to pick the bottle up and press it to his lips, but froze with the liquid still in the neck of the heavy glass when some instinctive feeling ghosted up his spine as James went rigged in shock.

Remus saw the flash of red hair falling to the floor, his own glass joining the journey as his hand went numb in surprise. The drink sizzled at his feet.

There was no warning. Just a moment. A beat pulsing through the air where every one of them felt something go terribly wrong as they'd all let their guard down.

"Lily!" Frank and Alice shot to their feet long after the damage was done but before the tinkling sound of broken glass registered as the words vanished. James was already on her, trying to hold her steady as he shouted for Madam Pomfrey while she convulsed, her skin was turning blue.

He threw her bag away from her, scattering the contents in all directions as he tried to turn her on her side. None of his healing spells would work on something of this magnitude, he knew even before he tried to get his wand out-

A black streak flew across the room, his foot slid almost gracefully in the mess like an ice skater and he didn't even hear the crunch of glass under him as Regulus' hand shoved the tiny, shriveled brown stone down her throat.

There was a shudder from all eight of them. She gasped, and then went very still.

Regulus looked at each of them as he begged, "that was supposed to work, right? It was a, a bezoar, those are supposed to-"

His voice broke, but Lily kept breathing.

Alice and Frank took charge then, she coming over and gently taking Regulus' hand, promising him he'd done well while Frank called for anyone, "grab Lily's stuff! The bezoar stopped the poison, but she could have other damage going on inside before that kicked in!" He started gently pulling out a bit of her hair as he spoke, as well as ripping the sleeve off his shirt to swab in her mouth. Alice was the one to do that too, passing him whatever he asked while still flashing Regulus proud little smiles as she kept firmly in her mind all their late study practices, Madam Pince kicking her and her boyfriend out while calling for Filch they were up so late, only for them to sneak into the next empty classroom just to make sure she got that answer right. Whoever would have guessed her early Auror training would be used like this.

James finally snapped to attention when he saw this, flying to his feet and smacking into the door, proceeding to pull on it so hard Sirius was surprised not to see the wall shaking as he kept calling to the Matron. Sirius ran over and grabbed him, holding patiently as he remained, "she's not here mate."

"We're at school!" The denial was already leaving him though, James had finally reached his limit. For just a moment it had all faded away except a dream becoming reality to him, Slughorn's parties that he'd only ever attended for her company, those beautiful green eyes shining only on him. "This, this shouldn't be happening!" This wasn't like the Tournament or the Chamber, something other in their life here. This hadn't even happened to Harry, what was Slughorn playing at?!

"I know mate, I know," Sirius hugged him and didn't let go as James started shaking as bad as Lily just had.

They watched in a silent vigil as Frank used up practically all of Lily's stores, none of them really following as the potion began changing colors, but he finally seemed satisfied and tipped a frothy amber liquid into her mouth disturbingly like what she'd just drank. The antidote seemed to level her out the rest of the way, they watched as her rigid body began to relax and as she slumped in true slumber.

Frank picked her up and deposited her on the couch, before closing his eyes and whispering a silent apology. Pomfrey would probably lose her license for doing this, but he had to know if it worked. He drew his wand and tapped her, saying, "Innervate."

She gasped a fistful of air and startled awake almost kicking him in the face, her hand flying up to her throat and nearly falling back off the couch she started coughing so hard.

Alice grabbed her and helped her to sit up while Frank began whispering ardent apologies. "Stop that," his girlfriend scolded. "She can go back to sleep now, you had to check."

Lily was not going back to sleep. Her hand was still over her chest like she'd received an electric shock and there was a silent scream on her lips that had been trapped in her for too long she still couldn't get out as her body betrayed her with every hacking breath.

"You're alright honey, you can breathe," Alice kept rubbing her back and was remarkably using a calm, chatty sort of voice like she saw this every day, never mind she was internally screaming for Lily.

Regulus appeared back at her elbow with a glass of water and said with a completely straight face, "I checked it first."

The Marauders laughed. Frank fought the urge to knock all their heads together as the four of them breathed again for the first time as well. Alice took the glass from him when Lily didn't. Remus banished the mess with a still white face, and then turned with a cruel look in place. With a crack, the perpetrating bottle also went into the magical void of no return.

Peter came up and placed his hand where it had been though with a look of deep contemplation as he whispered, "what happened?"

Nobody answered. All eyes turned back to the book before swimming around every corner of the room, as if to double check no dead bodies from that party would spontaneously appear in here next.

Evans finally cleared her throat, she sounded surprisingly steady for being almost dead a few moments ago. Alice still had her arm around her, Evans was now holding the full glass with one hand but dropped Alice's on her shoulder and clasped Frank's for several moments before saying, "thank you, all of you. Best get on though, I don't want to linger in here." She'd finally stopped shaking, but there was a haunted look in her eyes that may never quite leave again.

The amount of times they'd all almost died left them all with the same ever growing shadow.

"Right, yeah," Longbottom agreed at once. He summoned the book and sat on the edge of the arm rest of the couch, but he was clearly reading out of obligation as he kept checking everything out of the corner of his eye, waiting for the ball to drop as Harry invited Luna to this very party.

James watched her like he still couldn't believe what he was seeing, the sense of surrealness still flooding him as he sank to the floor. He couldn't explain to Sirius' very concerned look as he sat next to him. Remus and Peter walked over and sat down quietly as well. Regulus began pacing the length of the room and biting on his cheek.

The Marauders hated potions. Peter was the only one remotely good at it, and he was no star like Evans and Snape. Slughorn wasn't a bad teacher, but he did play favorites. So long as they didn't explode too many cauldrons in a row, he generally left them alone at the back of the class to ignore what was happening but the bare minimum. James had been able to do nothing to help, the path hadn't even occurred to him. There was no spell he could have done for this.

Why was it hitting him so hard? Their school was supposed to be safe, but students got injured here all the time, it was magic and teenage kids, accidents happened. James knew that, he'd been a part of it; and he'd watched Snape and his Death Eater kind do some horrific things to students.

This wasn't an accident, nor a prank. It didn't feel remotely like a coincidence, Slughorn had just been too involved with Harry this year, and Draco was supposed to be here plotting something. Were they working together, or was Slughorn the victim all along? What was Snape's part in all this, he certainly seemed dissatisfied with something as Harry followed his DADA teacher and rival from the party, and nothing apparently happened except confirmation of what they already knew.

An Unbreakable Vow had been made, but whose life would be the cost?

[queerpsychopomp]

what’s owed to them?

Prompt:  can you please write the last letter marlene wrote to sirius? maybe he finds it a week after her death? or maybe she knew she was dying so she wrote it and gave it to someone to give it to him after her death? WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME IF YOU DO IT.

So this kind of ran away from me. Hope you like it!

AO3 | Masterlist

---

Dear Sirius

If you find this letter, I’ve died. With everything the way it is, it was bound to happen - 

Mar sighed and crumpled up the parchment, tossing it. That didn’t sound right, too much like she was admitting defeat and giving up. That wasn’t her style, and it wasn’t the reason she wanted to write this letter. Sounding like she resigned herself to the war would bring him pain. It needed to provide some comfort, a final goodbye if they didn’t have the chance to say it. 

The Daily Prophet sat on the table in her reach. Today’s headline proclaiming a family of four had been killed last night, the accompanying picture showing the dark mark above a cottage. Aurors found Edgar Bones and his entire family slaughtered just last week. Two weeks before, they buried Dorcas Meadows after she was tortured and killed by Voldemort himself. James and Lily were going into hiding, the madman marking Harry as the child of the prophecy. The war was picking up and the Order was struggling to win against the endless tides of death eaters far outnumbering them. Skilled wizards were dying all the time. Every single day Marlene woke up and wondered if today would be the day that she would die. Or Sirius. Or Remus or Peter or another one of their few friends that were still alive.

So Marlene sat at the kitchen table of the small flat she shared with Sirius, trying to write a letter he would only open if she died. It took weeks for her to reach this point. Every time she built up the courage to start, Sirius would walk into the flat, back from a mission or grocery shopping. He would ask what she was doing, Marlene would brush it off as writing a letter to one of her brothers. They’d get distracted, and she would abandon the letter for another time. No distractions this time though; Sirius had gone to visit the Potters one last time before they went into hiding, so he would be gone at least an hour. Marlene had said her goodbyes the day before. 

Two more pieces of parchment shared the same fate as the one before. Everything sounded wrong, insincere, fake, hopeless. Not anything like she wanted it to. Marlene saw what happened when Sirius found out Regulus had died and didn’t want a repeat of that. He was inconsolable, many nights of sobbing himself to sleep and days of wandering around the flat in a stupor. Only eating because Marlene was there to remind him. Only going to bed because Marlene would guide him there. It broke her heart seeing him like that. The only reason the grief didn’t consume him for good was that they didn’t let it happen. James, Lily, Remus, Peter, along with herself spent those two weeks caring for him, trying to provide some sort of comfort. Stopping him from letting the abyss of his grief and guilt engulf him.

If Marlene died, she wasn’t sure who would be there. James and Lily had to stay in hiding for Harry’s sake, Peter was around less and less, and Remus… she wasn’t sure what happened but Sirius once confided in her that he didn’t entirely trust him anymore. That maybe he was letting information slip - Marlene told him that was daft and Remus would never sell them out and that was the last they spoke of it. Still, it seemed the bond was broken and neither party attempted to fix it.

This letter needed to somehow provide Sirius the comfort they all had before. It needed to stop him from losing himself because Marlene couldn’t bear the thought of causing him so much pain. It had to remind him of how much she loved him, to alleviate the guilt he was sure to have, no matter how ridiculous it was. They both jumped headfirst into fighting the war, but he wouldn’t remember that. He would blame himself for not doing enough. 

“Fuck,” Marlene sighed, scrapping yet another draft. She was putting too much pressure on a piece of parchment, but what was she to do? She wrote for a living, and now the words she desperately needed were out of reach. Just her luck. Pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes, she groaned. At this rate, Sirius would be back before she wrote a single sentence that didn’t make her want to set the parchment on fire. He always joked that she was never happy with ‘just fine,’ always pushing herself for ‘the best.’

“Isn’t this article just about the Harpies match?” Sirius asked, glancing at the piles of parchment around her, all will only a few lines crossed out.

Marlene huffed, her head resting on the table. “It needs to be good.”

“Not good, the best,” he teased a little. Nudging her to raise her head, Sirius set a mug of tea in front of her before sitting in the chair beside her. “I’m sure all of these were good. You just think too much-”

Marlene wrapped her hands around the mug, taking a quick sip. “As opposed to not at all?” she teased, raising an eyebrow and fighting back a grin from spreading on her face. 

“Oi- those are fighting words McKinnon!”

“Okay just- don’t think about it,” she mumbled before trying again. 

It was like a dam broke. Marlene didn’t know how long she wrote, worrying that if she glanced at the clock, the words would halt and the letter would be abandoned for good. Setting down the quill, she looked it over once, folded it, and put it in an envelope before going to tuck it between the pages of an album. They rarely looked through these pictures anymore, the hopeful faces of their youth too painful to look at. If Sirius found the need to look through it, it would either be because he was feeling nostalgic - unlikely - or wanted to see her or their friends alive. When would he feel the need to seek out their happy faces? In a week? A month? Or years from now to show Harry - or maybe their own kids? - what they looked like during their time at school, tell stories of the trouble they got into.

Marlene hoped that when he found the letter, he could walk down the hall and ask her about it. That she would be there to explain why she wrote it, and that would be the end of the matter. They would go to meet the others for lunch, and the war would be a thing of memory.

The universe owed them that much.

But when do people ever get what’s owed to them? 

----- 

Marlene was buried on a Tuesday alongside her family. It was a bright, clear June day. It made Sirius want to scream. The world didn’t deserve to be so happy when everything had been taken away from him. His suit itched. Usually Marlene would stand beside him when he wore this suit, the two mourning yet another fallen member of the Order.

But Marlene wasn’t beside him, she was in the coffin being lowered in the ground.

James and Lily, as much as they wanted to attend, couldn’t, not even under the cloak. Remus was there, but stood away from Sirius. Most of the Order was there - whoever was alive anyway. People made speeches about how the world had lost a bright soul. They had no idea. Marlene was the best of them, the best of him. He could feel the eyes on him, pitying, expecting him to break down. 

He said nothing.

He was the first to leave, not able to bear any more condolences, though spending time in their his flat was worse. The week he heard the news, he fell into a stupor. If he wasn’t drunk and sobbing, he was in their bed, staring at the ceiling. The absence of her beside him was clearer than ever on the nights he passed out in their bed, there was no one he had to fight for the covers from, no hair in his face, no one mumbling “Budge over.”  Every time he walked into the flat, he expected her to be singing along to the radio in the kitchen as she baked. Or lounging on the couch, reading some book that Lily had suggested. Or sitting among a pile of parchment as another deadline loomed above her. 

Contrary to what many might have expected, the flat was immaculate. He took off his shoes at the door and placed them to the side. His coat hung properly in the closet. He never destroyed possessions when mourning; no, his upbringing kicked in and while he would destroy himself, everything in the flat went in its place.

It was perfect. It was sterile. It was no longer a home.

There used to be jackets slung over chairs, a mug of tea here, Marlene’s slippers constantly forgotten in different places around the flat. It hadn’t been messy, but it had been theirs. Comfortable. A refuge from the war. No matter how bad things got, everything seemed better once he stepped inside. They would patch each other up after missions, dream about a life after the war, mumble confessions that they would never share with anyone else, all within this flat. Stave away nightmares of the things they did to survive. The war couldn’t touch them here because they were together. 

It was a grave now.

Staying here, with the ghosts of their life together haunting his every move was unbearable. Sirius had already told James he was moving, a new flat already chosen. His belongings packed away neatly in boxes. Marlene’s were still sitting there, awaiting their fate. He couldn’t bear to part with them, his last remains of her, but they hurt to look at for the same reason. 

After changing out of the funeral suit, he grabbed a box from the top shelf of the closet and sat on the bed, reaching for the half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey on the nightstand. I have to get more later. Popping off the cap, he took a swig before taking things out of it. There were movie tickets from their first date. A newspaper from which they found out Regulus had died. Childhood pictures of Marlene, James making an appearance of many of them after she turned eight. A handful of his own. Some of Marlene’s quidditch medals.

And an album of their school years.

They hadn’t touched the album since they joined the Order; it felt wrong to see them so carefree after constantly being bombarded by the horrors of war. It hurt to see the people they used to be before they were thrown into this mess, who they could have been if they weren’t. Sirius flipped it open and drank more. None of that mattered now. Marlene had just been buried, with her the dreams they shared of life after all this was over. He deserved a glimpse of her alive. 

He almost didn’t notice the envelope that slipped out. That was strange. Picking it up, he saw it was addressed to him in Marlene’s measured writing. He wasn’t sure how long he spent just staring at it. Why did she put this in here? Did it even matter anymore? Wasn’t like he could go ask her about it. Snapping out of it, he opened the envelope and took the letter out, taking three sips from the bottle to steel himself before unfolding it.

Sirius,

I really hope you never find this letter. You’re out visiting the Potters now, and I hope you remember to buy that toy broom on your way back. Harry’ll love it, and it’ll freak James out a bit, which’ll be fun for Lily. Can you believe the little bugger’s turning one soon?

Right, I’m getting off topic. Look, if you’re reading this, it probably means I’m dead. I hope to Merlin that I’m wrong and you can go tease me about this-

He let out a watery laugh at that. He’d give anything to do that. But he was alone. No James, no Lily, no Peter, no Remus, no one at all at his side. She left him here alone.

-and I can tell you to bugger off and that times were different. They are different. Everyone’s dropping dead, better wizards than us. I guess that’s what pushed me to write this. It’s been nagging at me for a while now, but — I don’t know, things feel more urgent now.

Right. Well, there’s really only one important thing I have to tell you: whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. Don’t start thinking you didn’t protect me enough, that you put me in danger, that would be an insult to my memory. I chose to fight this war as much as you did. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Voldemort and his lot. 

Living in this war feels like I’m living on borrowed time, but that’s fine. I got to spend that time with you, and that is something I’ll never regret. You made me so so happy, even when we fought, even when you were off on a mission and I was up worrying, even when you felt you were becoming more like the Blacks, which is rubbish. You may share similarities with them love, but your heart is what makes you different. You are a good man, no matter what you may think. You choose to be good, and that makes all the difference in the world. We’ve all got a little darkness in us, but that doesn’t make us evil. Remember that. Please. 

The tears building in his eyes made it harder to read. Sirius swiped at them, careful to make sure none fell on the letter, messing with the ink. This was his last bit of Marlene, the last gift she gave him, a lifeline. Leave it to her to worry about him when faced with death. Merlin, he loves - loved that woman.

I love you. I’ve said it a thousand times and I hope I’ll get to say it a thousand more. If these are the last years of my life, I’m honoured to have shared them with you. Mourn me as long as you need, but don’t shut the others out. Talk to them, let them help you. Keep some of my things and throw away the rest. I don’t want to be a ghost to you Sirius. I don’t want to be the reason you die either, so don’t let the need for revenge consume you. Let me go when you’re ready and move on. Live through this war and find happiness. You deserve all the happiness in the world. The universe owes you that much.

Have a long, happy life Sirius. Fall in love again. I know you don’t believe in anything after death, but I hope to see you again one day. Make sure you have some good stories to tell, yeah?

I love you.

Marlene.

The universe owed them more time.

But when did people ever get what they were owed?

[e-of-west-glendia]

Remember That

Regulus stumbled as he felt his feet hit solid ground. No matter how many times he'd done it, he'd never get used to the feeling of apparition. It was like the feeling of the drop on a rollercoaster. Except with all the stomach uphending nausea and none of the thrill. He stumbled towards a tree, and leaned against it for support. Closing his eyes and taking long, slow breaths. 

He stayed there for a while catching his breath and forcing himself to fend off a panic attack. He didn't do well with small spaces, and apparition was all about small spaces.

The telltale CRACK of someone apparating forced him into a standing position. As sick as he felt, he'd rather rather kiss a dementor than be caught showing weakness. 

"Having trouble, are we?"

Regulus stifled a groan. Even with a mask on there was no mistaking the cold drawl of Lucius Malfoy's voice. The man was worse than Voldemort, and Regulus currently had no use for Malfoy's holier-than-thou bullshit. The man didn't seem to realize that he was just a pawn in a much, much bigger chess game. 

He gave Malfoy a cold once over. Eternally grateful to his mask which concealed his look of utter disdain. A small smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth and he couldn't suppress a snort of laughter when Malfoy tripped, and nearly fell into the dirt while walking. 

"Not as much as you, evidently." 

He could still feel the magic singing through his blood. Sparking and fading out as it reeled from the effects of his spell. Regulus silently thanked his teachers for their emphasis on nonverbal magic. 

Lucius quickly righted himself. Regulus could feel his glare from the tree he stood near. Lucius' eyes flashed dangerously; cold and hard as steel. Another loud CRACK split the air as the rest of their party arrived. Interrupting Regulus' small moment of triumph. 

Regulus moved past Malfoy and joined the others. All clad in the same dark robes and metal masks. They looked a bit like vigilantes, he thought. A group of villains pretending to be heroes. In their own twisted minds they probably thought that they were. 

"What, now?" Came Lucius' voice. Apparently he'd caught up to them. 

A derisive snort came from opposite them. The shrill, mocking laugh of his cousin's voice made his skin crawl. 

"We wait for Dumbledore's  lackies to show up," Bellatrix giggled. "And then - well, we'll see what we do to them when they get here." 

Regulus repressed a shudder. He hated how ominous that statement was, and how happy she sounded when she'd said it. He'd never particularly liked any of his cousin's - except for Andromeda - but out of all of them, Bellatrix was the worst. Dozens of memories of Bellatrix tormenting him swam to the front of his mind. Each one, more horrid than the last. Her high, cold laughter was always present in each memory. 

Another CRACK cut across the night. Pulling him out of past memories of Bellatrix and forcing him to deal with her in the present. 

The rest of their group had arrived. Regulus didn't even need to see their faces to figure out who they were. The Lestrange brothers, Rabastan and Rodolphous, both walked with the same quiet, loping grace of lions, and the watchful eyes of hawks. Then there was Yaxley, whose only purpose seemed to be brute force. 

Snape had a rather distinct way he carried himself. It was an odd mix between a dejected slouch of his skinny frame, and a confident stroll. Two things that should never be able to mix. Regulus could see why his brother hated him so much. Whenever he saw him without the mask on, Snape had a curiously haunted look in his eyes that reminded him too much of himself. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Severus' childhood hadn't been any better than his own. Although Regulus got the distinct feeling that Snape had joined the Death Eaters for much different reasons than he had. 

The last addition to their group Regulus hated the most. He honestly couldn't begin to imagine why they let Greyback tag along. Was it a scare tactic? If so, they were doing a mighty fine job of it. He would never admit it but, Regulus was scared of Greyback. Screw that he was terrified. Regulus had met plenty of werewolves in his life but none gave him the same dark, disgusted feeling as Fenrir Greyback. He was the literal physical embodiment of a wolf. From the way that he carried himself all the way to the way he dressed. It seemed as though at some point the line between man and wolf had merged and become one. His clothing was ragged and dirty and his teeth were sharpened into points. His eyes gleamed with a feral, almost hungry light.  Regulus wasn't one for religion and he had no spiritual beliefes; but even he could tell this man had no soul. 

Regulus released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Just thinking about Fenrir set his nerves on edge. 

Bellatrix smirked. "Now this is a party." 

Greyback smiled back at her. His expression laced with malice. 

From behind his mask Rabastan said, "Indeed it is." 

Rodolphous surveyed the surrounding area and then turned back to their group. 

"Are we sure this is the right spot? It seems awfully...quiet," his voice faded to a quiet hiss at the end. Regulus could practically see his raised eyebrows through his mask. 

Lucius bristled. "I'm pretty damn sure Rodolphous, seeing as I'm the who procured the information that lead us to this location." Luciud paused for a moment, as if trying to size the other man up. "Or are you calling me a liar," he sneered. 

"Not directly," Rodolphous drawled. 

Lucius started towards Rodolphous, hand already buried in his robes, reaching for his wand. Regulus swiftly blocked his path, positioning himself between the two men. Silently begging Lucius not to do anything rash while he turned to Rodolphous and said, "We're in the right place." 

Rodolphous cocked his head to the side, inquisitive. 

"I checked with the Dark Lord himself," he said firmly. 

Rodolphous did somewhat of a double-take, and stepped back. 

"Well if our Lord says so…" he murmured, trailing off. 

A fourth CRACK split the air. The sound - although it was still loud - was muted with distance. 

"Right on time," Rabastan remarked. 

The group of Death Eaters crept towards the noise. It was a rare time where they weren't rushing head on at the situation, instead they were going for a surprise attack. Regulus wasn't sure which was worse. Giving the people some warning before he murdered them, or none at all. 

The closer they got the more Regulus could pick up voices. 

"I'm telling you, nothing every goes on during these things," said one. 

"Isn't that a good thing?," asked another incredulously. 

"I guess so," yet another mused. "But I want some action, Moony. I wouldn't mind killing some of those bastards." 

Moony? Why did that sound so familiar? Regulus wracked his brain but only came up with blanks. The answer seemed so obvious but at the same time so unattainable. Leaving him with the irritating feeling that he'd remember sometime next week or at some rt inconvenient time. 

They had come within seeing range of the Order members. Regulus caught a glimpse of tawny curls bouncing as one of the Order members shook their head. 

"You and James scare me sometimes." 

Regulus' blood ran cold. Too late he realized why the name had seemed so familiar. Before he even had time to hope that none of the others had heard Remus speak, Snape snarled, "Potter," and fired a curse towards them. 

The effect was immediate. With a surprising amount of speed and accuracy - part of which had to be credited to his canine senses - Remus spun around and sent up a shield spell. Snape's spell narrowly missing James and rebounding somewhere into the forest around them. 

Furious, James launched into full battle with Snape. The world around them seeming to disappear as the two fought out a nearly decade old rivalry with high level spells meant to kill. 

A jet of red light barreled towards Regulus, forcing him to drop to the ground and roll out of the way. The stunning spell just barely missed Lucius, who turned took off in the direction of the perpetrator. The battle was tremendously unfair. Six against three. 

Despite this, Remus, James, and Sirius seemed to be holding off just fine. Sending spell after spell and curse after curse at their assailents. Regulus wasn't excluded from the battle. Currently deflecting spells that James was launching at him. At some point he had taken out Severus, who was now lying in a head against a tree. A slight trickle of blood slowly making its way down the side of his face. 

A poorly aimed killing curse flew by him. Just a couple inches to the left and he would've been dead. He turned towards the source, which admittedly wasn't the best idea while dueling. The spell had come from Sirius' direction. Last he'd seen Lucius had charged head on into battle with him. Fucking idiot's trying to get me killed, Regulus thought. 

Out of the corner of his eye Regulus caught sight of Remus slicing his wand through the air. Managing to keep two Death Eaters bay while sidestepping a third who'd aimed a spell at him. The thing of it all was that Remus didn't even seem to be trying. The casual, almost lazy way that he flicked his wand towards the advancing Death Eaters was memorising. Each move its own calculated symphony, as if he were conducting an orchestra instead of evading fending off attack manuvers. Clearly, Regulus had underestimated Remus. 

His attention was drawn back to his own fight when James flung a curse at him. He barely avoided it, cursing the mask for his restricted peripheral vision and wondering vaguely if James would be less agressive if he knew who was under the mask. 

Regulus felt a chill that had nothing to do with the breeze wash over him and the hairs on the back of his neck raise. His gaze was torn back to Remus. Two of the three Death Eaters were down for the count and the last one was swinging cursed wildly in his direction. In the shadows of the tall trees Fenrir Greyback watched Remus. The source of the chill suddenly dawning on him. Greyback looked ready to pounce on Remus, whose back was turned. An inexplicable urge to help him overtook Regulus, and he sent a spell in James's direction with renewed aggression. 

The force of the spell sending the older man backwards a few feet, but that was all Regulus needed to slip away. 

He made his way across the grass ducking and dodging spells that were being thrown by the remaining Death Eaters and Marauders alike. 

He reached the area where Remus and Bellatrix were in a matter of seconds. 

"If you're so loyal to Voldemort, then why do you wear masks?" Remus called in Bellatrix's direction. 

She hissed furiously at the taunt. "You dare speak the Dark Lord's name." 

Remus' grin seemed out of place in the midst of battle. "It's just a name," he countered. 

Bellatrix's resulting scream of anger only made Remus' grin grow larger. 

Meanwhile Regulus was positioning himself in such a way where he could hit Greyback but not be seen by his "colleagues". Greyback seemed to grow impatient, and before he could find his angle, the werewolf pounced. He flew at Remus knocking him to the ground. Remus twisted around only to have the air leave his lungs and his whole body tense. 

Regulus had never seen someone look so utterly terrified as Remus did at that moment. He was completely frozen in place, both in shock and fear. It only took a moment for Regulus to realize that Greyback was the one who turned him. The same feeling of revulsion he'd felt earlier came back twice as hard. Without another thought he aimed the first curse that came to mind at Greyback. He flew backwards off of Remus and landed hard against a rock, crumpling against the ground. 

Bellatrix looked sharply around for the source of the curse but before her eyes could settle on Regulus she crumpled to the ground. Regulus jolted in surprise. Whatever had hit her was not from him. Crossfire maybe? He looked around wildly until his eyes settled on Sirius. Panting, bruised, clutching his side and staring directly at him. Sirius had always been intelligent and it didn't take a genius to figure out who was behind the mask. He continued to look a Regulus, almost daring him to make a move. 

"Sirius!" Came a yelp. 

Startled Sirius turned around. For the second time that night Regulus was too late to notice something. Snape had gotten up at some point and was aiming his wand at Sirius. 

"Sectumsempra!" He roared. 

Regulus had never heard that spell before. Neither apparently had Remus or Sirius. A crimson stain began to blossom on his chest. Sirius reached tenatively for his chest. His mouth forming a surprised "Oh". Before he collapsed in a heap on the ground. 

Remus let out a cry of anguish that cut Regulus to his core. The cry was echoed by James who proceeded to launch a spell at Snape who ducked. 

Regulus staggered back against a tree, breathing harshly. He watched Remus pick himself up and examine Sirius. 

The world dissolved into white noise. Punctuated by pained yells and the distant sound of firecrackers. 

Suddenly, someone was shaking his arm. 

"We have to leave," Rabastan said roughly. "They called for reinforcements."

Regulus looked around. Several more Order members had indeed joined the scene. He could distantly see Marlene, Dorcas, and the Prewett twins fighting their way forward. His head still felt fuzzy and his ears had started to ring. 

"Regulus," Rabastan said, this time more harshly. 

Regulus cast another glance in his brothers direction. Sirius still wasn't moving, and Remus was bent over him frantically trying to revive him. 

With much difficulty Regulus said, "Yes, let's go." 

Rodolphous and Snape appeared. Bellatrix being carried by her husband and Snape and helping Lucius. 

"What about Greyback?" Snape asked. 

"Leave him," Rabastan said. Snape nodded, then he disappeared with a loud CRACK. 

Rodolphous and Bellatrix vanished as well. Only Rabastan and Regulus remained. 

"He chose his side and you chose yours," Rabastan said his eyes falling over Sirius. "Remember that." 

Then he too, apparated away. Regulus cast one last look at his brother before apparating away. His vision twisting just as Marlene and Fabian came into his view. 

[thou-crusty-batch-of-nature]

A light in the darkness - Part 1

Warnings : angst, violence

Pairing : Remus x reader ( Sirius' twin )

A/N : This is the first part of a series. I couldn't have done it without the amazing @futurewriter2000 and her brilliant advice! Thank you SO MUCH! I really hope you'll all like it! Feel free to send me messages and feedback! 

GIF NOT MINE

"Toujours Pur" or on a more detailed translation: aristocracy, balls, blood purity and falsity. The noble, ancient house of Black; one of the oldest, wealthiest families and part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, lovers of the dark arts and born death eaters. I had the bad luck to be part of it. But I'm not the only one.

My two brothers are at completely different poles. Sirius is a rebel; charming, smart and ready to cause as much trouble as he can. Regulus, on the other hand, is mommy's boy, the perfect son. His future as heir of Black has been already planned in detail. He's always loved his status more than his siblings.

And me? I've never fitted. A free-spirited metamorphmagus, an art lover, being kept in a cage of what they call "perfection". I, as my twin brother Sirius, never wanted more than having a proper, loving family. But we have each other, and that's what matters. He's been the only one in this bloody family like me. Every ball, we are planning our next target for our pranks. Every punishment is applied at the same time. We are partners in crime. We are the Gryffindors of a lineage of Slytherins. We are pranksters and masterminds with very well practised masks. We are the Ying to their maddening Yang. And we want to break free.

***throwback***

The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, welcoming every child with a spark of magic in them; I took a look at myself, my usual black hair was now in my favourite style; dark blonde, middle length. My robes were tailored by my mother's special designer, who didn't hesitate to 'accidentally' sting me with needles at the fittings. I was ready to leave.

We arrived on platform 9 3/4 early in the morning. The children were happily running, pushing their heavy trolleys. The station was more crowded than ever. With a loving "Do not dare to drag our name through the dirt again." from our caring mother and a delicate "Behave." from our father, we entered the Hogwarts Express. As soon as we'd made ourselves comfortable in a compartment we'd found, someone entered.

"Ello! Is this seat taken?" A tall boy with messy, dark brown hair, hazel eyes and glasses entered, wide grin on his face.

"No, it's free." I said, smiling shyly.

"I'm James Fleamont Potter, but you can call me James. And you are?"

"Sirius Black."

"Y/N Black. Twins."

"Oh, that's so cool! But shouldn't you look - I don't know - the same?" he asked intrigued.

"We do, but I am a metamorphmagus. That's the look I like the most." I changed to my natural face. My long, dark, curly hair and grey eyes made me a perfect girl replica of Sirius (more beautiful, of course).

"Merlin's beard! That's bloody incredible!" His eyes were wide in surprise.

We talked the whole ride, becoming without realising inseparable.

We were entering the great hall, gazing at the starry sky mirroring on the ceiling, trying to touch the floating candles. We were passing by the other tables, glancing at the older students. Soon the ceremony started. The names began being called.

"Lucius Malfoy!" And in less than a second the hat replied "Slytherin!".

" James Potter!"

"Gryffindor!" The grin on the boy's face only widened.

After a while, my turn finally came.

"Y/N Black!" Silence. Everyone looked at me. I sat down and waited for Professor McGonagall to put the sorting hat on my head.

"Interesting...A Black with a heart of gold, loyal and a free spirit! Though you are smart and witty, too... Let's see... Gryffindor!"

For a moment, nobody said anything. Then, the Gryffindor table erupted in cheers and applause, but my brother was the loudest, screaming joyfully and whistling, still waiting for his turn. I sat next to James, who gave me a warm hug.

"Sirius Black!"

The sorting hat had to think no more than four seconds.

"Gryffindor!"

I clapped and cheered louder than ever. I ran and hugged him tightly. Without noticing, I changed my hair red and yellow, turning curious heads from every table.

Sirius, James and Peter (another boy from Gryffindor) soon became my best friends. A week passed, and we were already known as the school's pranksters. 

One night, we were sneaking past curfew to set a bomb in front of the Slytherin common room, when we heard somebody whispering.

"Put it above the door, so it could fall on the next person who enters!" It was Remus Lupin, a friendly boy who my brother shared the dorm with.

"You know what? It could actually work!" James said. "But wait, how did you get here?"

"Did you really expect that I wouldn't wake up after you'd tripped and fell on the floor? I might be a deep sleeper, but even Merlin heard that!" he answered, joining us behind the tapestry.

BOOM!

"Oh, someone fell for it!" We got out from our hiding spot to see a very furious Professor Slughorn covered by a thick layer of ash. 'Well, that's a double score.'

"Run!" I whispered-shouted, then we all ran for our lives.

***end of throwback***

Here I am, five years later and the only difference is that I now have more friends and problems.

I woke up seeing Aza singing a Bruce Springsteen song using her hairbrush as a microphone, while Zoe was dancing like crazy, rhythm long forgotten. It was a sunny Saturday, the perfect day for chilling by the lake and drawing.

"Wakey, wakey mighty matey!" Zoe greeted.

"Zoe, stop saying that, you made me lose the chorus!" Aza said annoyed.

Isabel Greene, also known as Aza, (to her despair), is one of the smartest and funniest wizard I've ever met. Her big, ocean eyes and dark complexion make her look like a fallen angel. She has the frizziest hair I've ever seen, which she usually keeps in a bun. She is taller than me and has a weird obsession for rock music. She can't sing, but she doesn't care. She does it every morning.

Zoe Vargas, in contrast, is a small, clumsy, sassy, fierce bean. She has short ginger hair and hazel eyes. She has infinite energy and doesn't need much sleep. And trust me, as a night owl, the last thing you could wish for is a roommate who wakes up at dawn and can't sit in a room without breaking something. But I am used to it, after living with Sirius my whole life.

However, they and the marauders are my family. And no one could ever change that.

"Come on, Y/N, we have to meet the boys downstairs in fifteen minutes and you haven't even got up from your bed!" Aza shouted.

I lazily dressed in Sirius' Led Zeppelin t-shirt and my ripped mom jeans. I looked in the mirror. Even with magic, I still couldn't erase the scar my mother made in my first year.

******

She smacked me across the face.

"You disrespectful child! You think I raised you so you could become an useless shame!" she yelled.

"I haven't done anything! The sorting hat made the best choice! And I couldn't be prouder!" I responded, slowly backing away.

"That will be seen." she said with a malicious smirk on her face. Casting a shield over both of us, she took my hand.

An agonising pain flushed through my entire body. Blood was spilling on my clothes, while my mother was craving those horrible words deep in my skin.

****

"Toujours Pur." I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek.

TAGLIST @futurewriter2000