#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person

[scoliosisgoblin]

doodles and some lore. I'm tired.

[semisgroupie]

Third Time's The Charm

Club Member!Taichi x Fem. Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: fingering (f!receiving), exhibitionism (Oikawa watches), condom usage (i know, crazy right?), praise, many many check ins, safe word mention, characters are college aged (both seniors in college so 21/22)

A/N: this is my submission for the @hqintheclub Haikyuu University Sex Club collab! Read the rest of the works here! I am so thankful for this network and to contribute to the collab, I hope this does a good job in conveying safe sex practices. Also a huge huge thank you to @meiansmistress for beta-reading!!! Yes the safe word is a little tribute to what Taichi does in the timeskip.

Once Shinsuke called the end of the meeting, Kawanishi stood up and made his way to the front of the room with his clipboard in hand.

“Alright my fellow club members, I’m just going to go over the statistics before the end of the month, who need to go for their STD tests and the notes I took from this meeting.” He adjusted his glasses and flipped through the papers. “Okay, so some recommendations from this meeting are, ‘buy scented toilet paper’ by Tooru. Yeah, not happening.”

A whine came from the back of the meeting room.

“Dude, why not? You know how girls have to pee after sex? They could have something that smells good while they do it!” Tooru’s eyes lit up offering his proposal, just like every other month, only to have it shut down again.

“Buy scented candles or something for your smelly bathroom.” Chuckles and snickers erupted in the room while Tooru sat back and pouted like a child. Kawanishi went through the rest of the recommendations and other areas of concern before moving onto the last topic.

“Okay, so for the fun part. Time to see who has had the most and least sex this month.” The room went dead silent as Kawanishi went over the log book. He did a onceover of the totals before looking at the group.

“So the lucky guy with the most amount of happy customers is… Osamu with eighteen.”

“Huh? ‘Samu? He isn’t even here! Not even a member.” Atsumu huffed and kept on ranting and raving about his brother until Kawanishi interrupted him.

“Actually, he’s an unofficial/official member who does not need to really attend meetings since we haven’t properly officiated his membership. But we definitely need to do that since he’s definitely bringing popularity to the club. Next is Mr. Chairperson Tooru and Mr. President Shinsuke both tying in with twelve happy ladies. Congratulations to the both of you. So, now the two least are—well you guys shouldn’t be surprised as these results have been consistent for a while now. But in good spirit, it’s me with two and Keiji with one.”

A shrug came from Keiji as the results were read. Kawanishi felt the same way, it got annoying every single time he had to read the results. They both knew they had to get laid but Kawanishi had his eye on a special someone.

The meeting was called to an end and Kawanishi made his way to his room to get ready for his chemistry lab. There was only one thing circling in his brain—he had to raise his number, but how? There was that one person he wanted but he wasn’t even sure if she even had plans to use the services the club provided, let alone choose him.

You were Kawanishi’s cute little lab partner. Always looking at him with bright doe eyes and always greeting him with a huge smile. You were too cute, too innocent to use the sex club. Kawanishi was sure of that. You probably even had a boyfriend so any hope he had for you was gone.

That was until he overheard you talking to your friends.

You were huffing and complaining about your sex life as you stood in front of the lab room—well, lack of sex in your life. You had a cute pout on your face as you rambled on, completely unaware of Kawanishi eavesdropping on such a private conversation.

“My toys aren’t even as enjoyable anymore! I just give up halfway through because it's the same thing over and over, I’m tired of it! And there’s absolutely no way I’m going to find a random guy on Tinder because he could be a creep or just horrible at sex.”

You sighed and started scrolling through your phone while your friend started thinking about what you said. Kawanishi recognized her, he knew her name started with a J and she was with Osamu last week. He remembered her moaning—well, screams—of Osamu’s name. As Kawanishi shook the thought from his head, “J” spoke.

“Remember that hook up I told you about last week?” She waited for you to nod before she continued speaking, “Well, there’s a website I met him off of. I’ll give it to you now and check it out. I think I saw a picture of your lab partner on the site. But check it out and let me know who you pick. Enjoy your class!”

You gave her a quick thanks before walking into the lab room, getting your goggles and supplies as Kawanishi soon followed. You made small conversation but every time you snuck a glance at him, you couldn’t see him as the type to be a part of the university’s sex club. Jay probably got him confused with someone else but for some reason you couldn’t wait until you got back to your apartment.

You just had to make sure. It was just curiosity. Well, that was what you kept telling yourself when you opened up your laptop and typed the web address in. You were met with the website, seeing the names of all the members and things that they specialized in. While you were scrolling through, your eyes widened and your heart dropped to your stomach.

Secretary: Taichi Kawanishi Specialty: Fingering

“Holy shit. It’s him.”

You read the name over and over again. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep finally getting to you or maybe it was because you unknowingly inhaled some drug that caused you to hallucinate and see his name. No matter how many times you refreshed the screen and rubbed your eyes, nothing changed. His name was still there and so was his specialty.

“Fingering? Well, he does have nice fingers. They are very long.”

You started thinking about his slim fingers, wondering how they would feel on your skin, grazing your most sensitive parts, but before you got too deep in thought you snapped yourself out of it. This was your lab partner! Not some pornstar or prostitute. Not some rando you met on a dating site. You would see him again if you decided to go through with it. How would that change how you two interacted with each other? Would it bring unnecessary tension?

You had this back and forth with yourself all night. You finally made your decision when you couldn’t get yourself off, the toy on your clit no longer bringing the same satisfaction it used to. With a huff you grabbed your laptop and went back to the website. Once the page loaded, you looked through all the guys and their specialties.

“Corsetry? What is that?”

You looked through the rest of the other specialties and you were equally intrigued and confused. You went back to Kawanishi and stared at his name. You didn’t want to ruin anything but you couldn’t stand this any longer—you needed a good fuck and you needed it badly.

“Fuck it.”

You scheduled an appointment with him, Saturday evening, a time where the site said he would be free. You put your laptop away and went to sleep.

The next morning Kawanishi woke up to frantic knocking on his door. He rolled out of bed and opened the door to be welcomed by Tooru.

“Dude, what the fuck? Did someone die?”

“No but check your phone, someone has been scheduled for tomorrow evening.”

Kawanishi rolled his eyes and checked his phone, the notification woke him up.

“Y/N scheduled me for tomorrow evening?”

“Don’t worry my friend. I will get you condoms. But aren’t you glad I sent you for STD testing on Monday? You can thank me later.”

The rest of the day went by normally, then Kawanishi remembered one of the main rules.

“New members and members who fuck the least need to fuck in front of an official club member.”

Kawanishi went to some of the other guys first, but Keiji and Koutarou both said they couldn’t. Shinsuke had to visit his grandmother and some of the other club members were occupied. That left  only one person.

“Tooru, are you busy tomorrow evening?”

Tooru thought for a few seconds then shook his head. He furrowed his eyebrows in a silent question as to why he would be needed tomorrow evening.

“You forgot the rule, didn’t you?” Tooru kept a confused look and shrugged his shoulders.

Kawanishi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed before continuing. Only if anyone else was free. He would take anyone at this moment over Tooru.

“People who fuck the least in the club need to fuck in front of an official member, and everyone one else is busy so I’m asking you.”

A smile grew on Tooru’s face as he got up and wrapped his arm around Kawanishi’s shoulder.

“Oh my friend, don’t make me seem like I’m the last choice—“

“—you are.”

“Ouch, anyways I’ll be glad to watch. Do you need any tips? All the girls have left with a smile on their face after a night with me. You know I would’ve never thought I’d say this but you should’ve gone to Seijoh or maybe I should’ve gone to Shiratorizawa… I would have gotten you laid all the time, or at least done a better job than stupid Ushiwaka, you wouldn’t have had this little dry spout you’re having now—hey!”

Kawanishi removed Tooru’s arm and walked out of his room.

“Thanks for doing it, I don’t need your help though. If you try coaching me, I don’t care what I’m doing, I will throw you out of the room myself.”

Kawanishi spent the rest of the night and most of the day Saturday organizing his room, making it neat and stuffing his mini fridge with drinks and snacks. When it was time for you to come over, he waited for you in front of the club house.

As he waited, his nerves were getting the best of him. He hadn’t felt this nervous since he lost his virginity. Before he could really start worrying, he saw you approaching, giving him a small wave before you could greet him with a hug.

“Hey, well first off, thank you for choosing me for this. I should explain that we will have someone watch us, so if that makes you uncomfortable I completely understand. It’s just a rule we have for the club and I can show you the rule book if you need me to once we get to my room.”

“It’s okay. If you don’t mind me asking, who will it be?”

Before Kawanishi could answer your question the man in question wrapped his arms around the both of you.

“Hello you two! I shouldn’t need to introduce myself but I’m Tooru and—oh! I recognize you, Y/N right? I think we had biology together last year. You saved my ass so many times with your notes. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Kawanishi here treats you right—ow!”

Kawanishi pinched Tooru’s side and gave him a mean side eye.

“Tooru, remember what I told you yesterday.”

Tooru raised his hands in surrender at Kawanishi’s warning and you couldn’t help but laugh at the interaction. The sound of your laughter helped calm Kawanishi down a bit. He just had to get it through his mind that you were just a regular person with needs just like him, and he was going to help you satisfy those needs.

Light conversation was shared between the three of you as you all walked to his room. Once you crossed the threshold of his bedroom, Kawanishi took your hand as he led you to the bed and sat next to you. You rested your hand on top of his and offered him a shy smile, leaning in slowly.

“C-can I kiss you Kawanishi?”

He cupped your cheek and closed the distance between the both of you. Your lips felt so soft against his and he couldn’t stop himself from deepening the kiss. His hand moved to squeeze the fat of your thigh that was exposed by the skirt you were wearing. He broke away from the kiss to sit against his headboard, patting his thighs.

“Come on, come sit on my lap, pretty girl and we can get started. If you feel uncomfortable, your safe word is mojito. Once you say it, I will stop whatever I’m doing and we can just cuddle or do whatever you want, okay?”

You settled yourself on his lap with a meek “yes” before leaning back in to kiss him. Tooru was sitting on the spare chair in the room, scrolling on his phone. It was adorable to see you get so shy. You were always so confident and so outspoken, but once Kawanishi got you inside his room you crawled into a little shell.

He pulled you down to kiss you this time as his hands wandered over your body. His hands moved over your clothed breasts, squeezing them softly, making whimpers leave your lips. He moved his hands lower to your ass, squishing the flesh, and when you bucked your hips into his he gave it a light smack, swallowing the moan that left you. He pulled away to look at you.

“Can I touch you some more? I just want you to feel really good for me.”

“P-please touch me, w-want more.”

He smirked at your stuttering—it made this even more enjoyable. He leaned in and trailed kisses from your lips to your jaw and neck, your hips bucking more. You were so sensitive he couldn’t wait to see how you would react to his fingers. His hand trailed up your thigh and his thumb grazed against your panties. You bit down on your lip, trying to hide your moans.

It was embarrassing to you how quickly you were falling apart; he hadn’t even touched your skin for more than a few seconds and you already felt like once his fingers touched your bare pussy, you would cum.

Kawanishi licked your neck as he slid your panties to the side.

“Are you ready? I’ll go nice and slow for you.” He spoke into the skin of your neck as his fingers rubbed your slick folds.

“Yes, please.”

Your head dropped to his shoulder once he slid his middle finger inside you, moving slowly. He hissed at the way your cunt swallowed his finger, thinking about how it would feel once his cock was buried inside you. He sped up his thrusts, your muffled moans and whimpers encouraging his actions further. He slipped another finger in, leaning back to see your expressions as you quickly lifted your head from his shoulder.

Your jaw went slack as moans kept falling from your mouth, your hips bucking into his hand as you got lost in the pleasure, chasing your orgasm. His fingers were so long and hit so deep. They felt so good, better than any toy you had used in the past month or so. You were embarrassingly close to your orgasm after only a short time.

“Ka-Kawanishi, ‘m close!”

“I know, just cum for me, okay? Cum all over my fingers, let me know how good I’m making you feel.”

He thrusted his fingers faster, using his thumb to rub your clit. He rubbed your back with his free hand while watching all your expressions. Your hands made their way to his shirt, balling the fabric in your fists as you came undone on his fingers with a moan of his name. He slowed his fingers down to help you relax, making sure he wasn’t overstimulating you.

“You did such a good job for me. You look so beautiful when you cum. So good for me. Are you okay?”

“Yes I’m fine,” you reply breathlessly.

“We can stop here. All I care about is you cumming. I could continue fingering you until my fingers turn pruney if you want or I could get you some snacks and water and just talk.”

You shook your head; you couldn’t leave him hard. You wanted to fuck him, and the snacks and drinks could always come later.

“I-I want to fuck you. I want you to feel good too.”

“Don’t worry about me, this is all about you and your pleasure. I’m here for you, okay?”

You nodded as he reached over for a condom on his nightstand. You lifted yourself off his lap slightly to remove your panties and skirt as he pulled off his sweatpants and boxers, revealing how hard he was.

“Okay, so how do you want to do this? I want you to be comfortable and enjoy yourself.”

“I want to ride you.”

You sat yourself on his thigh as he opened the foil package and rolled the condom onto his cock, pinching the tip of it. Once it was on, he placed his hands on your hips to help you guide you down on his cock. His grip tightened, feeling your warmth envelop his cock and fighting the urge to just thrust up into you. He moved you down slowly until you bottomed out.

“You did amazing, now take your time. I’ll help guide your hips so you don’t go too fast.”

You placed your hands on his shoulders as you slowly bounced yourself on his cock, the tip brushing against your g-spot over and over again. Praises kept falling from Kawanishi’s lips as moans kept coming out from yours. Tooru couldn’t help but start palming himself over his sweatpants at the sight of you and Kawanishi, your sweet moans and cries filling the room. Your hands went under your shirt, freeing your breasts from the confines of your bra. You played with and teased your nipples, adding extra stimulation to the pleasure you were already feeling.

The closer you got to your orgasm, the more your legs shook, making him take more control. He bounced you up and down on his cock, thrusting his hips up to meet yours. You felt so good around him and the sight of you playing with your nipples turned him on even more. If he thought you looked beautiful when you were fucking yourself on his fingers, you looked like a goddess now. Your pussy clenched his cock tighter and tighter with each thrust, signalling to him that your orgasm was approaching.

“Cum for me Y/N, cum for me. I know you’re close, I feel you clenching me so tightly. Come on and cum for me.”

Once the soft commands were spoken, you came around his cock, your eyes clenched shut as your jaw went slack letting out a silent moan. As you were riding out your orgasm Kawanishi couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. Small beads of sweat rolled down your neck and you finally opened your eyes to make eye contact with him. You leaned down and connected your lips with his once more.

Kawanishi kept thrusting until he filled up the condom with his cum. Once he felt you relax around him, he lifted you up slowly and laid you down on the bed, covering you with a blanket. He pulled the condom off, tying a knot and throwing it out in the trash can in his room. He nodded at Tooru, giving him the signal to leave, and so he did with a wink and a wave.

Kawanishi reached out for your hand and helped you get up as he walked you to the bathroom.

“I just need you to go to the bathroom and then we could watch something.”

You did your business and left the bathroom with a small smile on your face.

“Is there any way we could have this happen again? I don’t know if you guys can have regulars or if it's against the rules.”

Kawanishi chuckled and walked you back to his bed.

“We have no rules about regulars and I’d love to do this with you again.”

He kissed you on the forehead and handed you a water bottle to drink from before laying down next to you.

As he laid down next to you, talking about a random topic you brought up, he finally understood when people said the third time's the charm. He couldn’t have asked for a better person to raise his total to three.

[chiseler]

Hero of Our Nation

I first encountered Roger Ramjet on a Chicago public access station in 1983. It was part of an early morning show apparently aimed at stoner insomniacs. The show came on at five and also included episodes of Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp, that awful Beatles cartoon, and a weather report clarified by some appropriate pop song (“Here Comes the Sun” or “Here Comes the Rain Again”). I was usually up and around that early for some godforsaken reason, and originally started watching on account of Lancelot Link. Always did love that Lancelot Link. But Roger Ramjet was, well, let’s just say it was a revelation.

Roger Ramjet, “ that All-American good guy and devil may care flying fool” (as he compulsively introduces himself) was a none too bright and none too coordinated drug-dependent space age superhero in an ongoing battle against the assorted forces of evil (or more specifically, N.A.S.T.Y.) to preserve the American Way of Life. He was square-jawed, straight-laced, straight-faced, and True Blue if little else, so hyper-patriotic that nearly every time his name is spoken aloud an American flag, a bald eagle, or a rotating ring of stars appears on the screen. After catching one or two episodes, I forgot all about Lancelot Link.

The show was easy to overlook, especially when squeezed between the Beatles and some secret agent chimps with a psychedelic band. The episodes were only five minutes long (maybe seven with the abrasive theme song filling out the opening and closing credits), and were so crudely drawn and animated it might at a glance seem like something a couple of junior high school kids threw together in their basement one weekend. The shows were so primitive they hardly bothered with niceties like “backgrounds” satisfied instead to settle for rudimentary suggestions of a setting. But the writing was so sharp and the voice talent so good what it really felt like, if you paid attention, was a spoof of a ‘40s radio serial like Sky King or Gangbusters, complete with a soap opera organ and illustrated by a handful of jerky drawings scratched out by someone’s kid. People who thought Jay Ward’s Bullwinkle and Dudley Do-Right were crude when compared with the output from Disney or Warner Brothers had no idea what “crude” meant. 

Looking at it today what it reminds me of more than anything are the paper cutout animations of the earliest episodes of South Park, before they upgraded to Flash. Along with the lo-fi stylistics, the humor was clearly aimed at an adult audience while pretending otherwise.  You may not find any child molestation jokes or crass religious cracks in Roger Ramjet, but for 1965 the lightning-fast humor was pretty hepcat and sophisticated, with undisguised satirical references to the Cold War, Central American turmoil, and the  Vietnam War (“Hey kids, this is Roger Ramjet,” demanding that you stay tuned to this station to see my next adventure,” Roger announces in his commanding superhero baritone. “Or I’ll see to it that all you little rascals are drafted.”) . Mixed in with the topical jokes we also get some highly unlikely name drops, from Noel Coward and Henry Cabot Lodge to James Joyce and bawdy nightclub performer Rusty Warren, as well as film parodies and  literary nods to the likes of Catch-22 and Catcher in the Rye.  It’s also a little less than what you might call racially sensitive by modern standards (consider Mexican revolutionaries The Enchilada Brothers, Beef and Chicken).

While a lot of the more timely jokes might be lost in the murk of the over 50 years since it first aired, there’s plenty of rapid-fire absurdity that’s timeless, from the misspelled title cards punctuating the narration to the self-consciously dumb coked-up adventures.

Bullwinkle aired from ‘61 to ‘64. Roger Ramjet came along a year later and Jay Ward’s influence is undeniable. The difference was Roger Ramjet crammed the equivalent number of bad jokes, references, and plot twists of a typical 8-part Bullwinkle serial into each five-minute episode, both mirroring the rapid-fire screwball dialogue of the ‘30s and the frenetic quick-cut comedy to come along a year or two later in shows like The Monkees and Laugh-In.

The episodes were produced with essentially no budget and were cranked out very quickly by a small team of writers, voiceover artists and animators with solid day jobs in radio and TV. They were all seasoned pros, some dating back to the days of classic radio, who worked on the show after hours as a way of letting off a little steam and tossing around a few cynical, subversive  cultural jabs their day jobs wouldn’t allow. The show was created originally by animator Fred Crippen  (who went on to work on some pretty dreadful crap like the Extreme Ghostbusters  and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and Ken Snyder, an ad exec who moved over into producing cartoons. They brought in a remarkable team of voice talent and comedy writers, including Gene Moss (the voice of Smokey the Bear) Jim Thurmam (who did a lot of kids shows including Sesame Street), Dick Beals (the original voice of Gumby), and the great Gary Owens, a drive-time deejay in LA who would get national recognition soon enough as the on-screen announcer for Laugh-In. Although they would all get specific credits in the end (Crippen as director, Moss as a writer) it was a communal effort, in which everyone contributed to the writing, and everyone, even the executive producer, did a few of the voices. Apart from the regular crew, careful listeners might also catch a few uncredited guest appearances by some surprisingly big names (I’m told Sinatra and Dean Martin appear in an episode, but I’m still looking for that one). Owens was the star, though, as his ability to read the most ridiculous lines in a dramatic deadpan made him the perfect Roger Ramjet. Together they made 156 episodes (about 150 still exist), which were sold directly into syndication in ‘65 as half hour shows, each containing three unconnected adventures. I can’t say as I’m exactly sure who they thought their target audience was at the time, except maybe each other.

Much like William Conrad in Bullwinkle, each show opened with our narrator, Steve Allen alum Dave Ketchum, setting the mood and the scene (“In today’s depressing episode,” he’d begin with dramatic enthusiasm, or maybe it was an “existentialist episode,” “phlegmatic episode,” “rickety episode,”  “hairy episode,” or “ethnic episode”). Then we’re out of the gate at a breakneck pace, with a flurry of gags coming from every direction. “Ramjet rode into Boot Hill,” we’re told,  “where the men were men and the women were men, which can get pretty old after awhile.”

While none of the shows are connected, there are a few recurring characters and locations worth remembering: Roger hails from Lompoc, an actual California town (“where nothing ever happens, and seldom does”) and  takes his orders from General G.I. Brassbottom, a no nonsense military man who “hadn’t had an original idea since he was a civilian.” He’s also assisted by Yank, Doodle, Dan, and Dee, the unusually chubby  kids who make up the American Eagle squadron. Like Roger, all the members of the squadron wear their white jumpsuits and flight helmets at all times (Roger even wears his helmet on dates), and in true superhero sidekick fashion, their primary job is to get Roger out of scrapes and make sure his drugs are handy. 

That’s one little detail more than a few casual viewers have taken umbrage with. Roger, see, is a pretty hapless character most of the time, but he repeatedly saves the world thanks to a little help from his Proton Energy Pills (PEP), which take five seconds to kick in, then give him the strength of 20 A-Bombs for 20 seconds. Modern viewers seem a little uncomfortable with the idea of a superhero gulping amphetamines in order to function, but all I can say is, well, it was a different time, and hey, it worked for Roger and Elvis both.

The proton energy pills come in handy when dealing with his arch-nemesis Noodles Romanoff, the short, trench coat and fedora wearing head of N.A.S.T.Y. (the National Association of Spies, Traitors, and Yahoos). Romanoff may not have a Natasha, but he does have a gang of cronies and thugs who all mumble in unison (save for one, who can’t seem to get the rhythm). 

Along with Romanoff and his gang, Roger also has to contend with some lanky alien robots, the Solenoids (voiced by executive priducer Ken Snyder), and their repeated efforts to invade the planet in assorted ridiculous ways (in one episode, they begin kidnapping all the Miss America contestants, who “were disappearing faster than co-eds at a Dartmouth weekend.”)

When not saving the world, Roger found himself competing with the smarmy hotshot test pilot Lance Crossfire (who sounds an awful lot like burt Lancaster) for the affections of Lotta Love, the fickle Southern belle with a taste for the finer things in life.

Then there are the adventures themselves. Some seem standard superhero fare, but only to a point. Earth is besieged by flying saucer attacks (sort of). Roger’s hometown is terrorized by a werewolf (sort of). Roger plays tennis with a kangaroo, or becomes the first man to surf in space,  or, in a personal favorite, attempts to stop the flow of bootleg comic books into America’s drug stores.

Actually, there’s an interesting moment in that one that revealed just how subtle you could be even with animation this unsophisticated. Okay, so Noodles Romanoff, see, is replacing real comics in drug store racks with bootlegs in which popular superheroes are humiliated, all in an effort to destroy the morale of America’s children. After Brassbottom shows Roger a few examples (the issues include “Superman Gets Beat Up by a Chicken!” and “Ratman Stubs His Toe!”) he explains that if this sort of thing continues, “America’s kids won’t have anyone to look up to except YOU, Ramjet.” Then, for just an instant in that crude and jerky style, Roger cuts his eyes toward the camera, revealing in that moment everything we needed to know, namely that it’s what he’s always wanted.

Thirty years on and that still sticks with me.

In the end, though, the characters and storylines are secondary at best In Roger Ramjet. At heart it’s  a matter of trying to keep up with all the lightning-quick  jokes and wordplay, the non-sequiturs and references. In the five minute span of one cowboy-themed episode I counted nods to at least seven classic Western films, from High Noon to She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, and I suspect I missed a few. It really is such a dizzying blur of dialogue and bad puns and cultural references, sometimes, christ, even just references to old jokes that take the form of bad puns (“Waiter, there’s a spy in my soup” or “how many angels can swim in the head of a beer?”), that absurd as it all is, repeated viewings are a necessity to catch everything. It’s a bit like having the complete contents of an issue of MAD magazine jammed onto a single page. It can make your head hurt after a while, but it’s worth it. Whether the density and the pace make it better or worse for stoner viewing is something, I guess, each stoner will need to answer for him or herself. Lots of bright colors, though.

In 1965 there was nothing new about making cartoons with adult sensibilities in mind. Betty Boop and Bugs Bunny were made to be shown as short subjects to largely adult audiences. Jay Ward’s cartoons a few decades down the line were near-revolutionary for smuggling hip, subversive political humor into what had become an exclusively child-friendly format. What made Roger Ramjet so radical was it’s blend of ‘30s radio style with mid-’60s cynicism, as well as its foreshadowing of our shrinking attention spans, a hyper-condensed proton pill of comedy and commentary disguised as just another dumb, low-rent superhero cartoon. Although it’s barely remembered today, its influence is still evident in most any subversive animated show you can name, even if they’ve slowed things down a bit.

by Jim Knipfel

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x01- Previously on...

Welcome back!! I’m so excited to be writing one of these again. I think this hiatus has been the longest I’ve gone without new Diane Lockhart content in ten years, and it sure feels like it. A lot of important stuff has happened in the time since TGF season four ended (not concluded—ended). Most notably, CBS All Access became Paramount+ and suddenly started offering a lot of content I care about! I kid. 2020 was quite an eventful year, so I was curious how television’s most topical show was going to take it on. TGF is always forward-looking, but too much happened in 2020 to be ignored. And while I didn’t think TGF would have much to say about the pandemic, it seemed impossible to imagine a season five that pretended it never happened. Going into this premiere, I was expecting that they’d either skip COVID entirely or include very few references, but after seeing this episode, I feel like the writers took the only approach that made sense. And that is why they are the writers, and I'm just some girl on the internet who writes recaps.  

Anyway, before I dive into the episode, I should also note that my pandemic boredom spurred me to actually pay $30 to watch this episode early as part of the virtual ATX Festival. Yes, I paid $30 on top of the money I spend every month on Paramount+ for this show. But I write tens of thousands of words about each TGF episode—are my priorities really that surprising? I note this not to brag or even to poke fun at myself, but because watching the episode before I knew a single thing about it (not even the title!) completely changed my viewing experience. I’ve never had an experience like this with TGW or TGF. I’m one to search for critics tweeting cryptically about screeners and refresh sites looking for background extras (haven’t done this in the TGF era, though) and read every single piece of press I can find. For any big episode, I usually know the outline of what to expect going in (I even knew about Will before the episode aired in the US!). Not this one! So, I got to be surprised, and I had to—gasp—formulate my own opinions before I knew what anyone else thought! It was really pleasant, actually. I think the structure of the episode worked extremely well for me because it caught me by surprise... and also because I’m the kind of person who somehow managed to write a college paper about Previously On sequences.

I see Tumblr has made it so that “keep reading” expands the post in your dash instead of opening a new tab. I absolutely hate this. Here is a link to the post you can click instead of the keep reading button! 

The ATX stream started mid-sentence, meaning I missed the “Previously On... 2020...” title card and skipped right to Adrian saying “I’m retiring.” It was pretty easy to pick up on the device (the directness of the scenes at the start, their cadence, and their placement in the episode made it clear this was meant to mimic a Previously) but the second title card hit way harder because... well, I had no idea if this was meant to be 2020 or some moment outside of real time until a bit later in the episode.  

Man, before I get any farther into this, two things that I don’t know where else to put. First, this episode had to cover so much ground. They had to write out both Adrian and Lucca—more on that later--, figure out how to deal with all of 2020, figure out how to either wrap up or continue all the truncated season 4 plotlines, and set the stage for a new season... in 50 minutes.  

Second, just wanna shout out the Kings’ other Paramout+ show, Evil, which you should absolutely be watching even if you hate horror. Evil is a Kings show, so it is unsurprisingly topical (sometimes evil takes the form of racism or misogyny or Scott Rudin) and at times very, very funny. I would be recapping it if Paramount+ weren’t attacking me personally by airing it at the same time as TGF. Ever hear of too much of a good thing, people?! (On that note, I am VERY upset with myself for not having made a Good vs Evil joke about the Good shows and Evil. I didn’t even think about it until Robert King made the joke on Twitter, and it was right fucking there. How did I fail so miserably?!)  

So STR Laurie, who wants a 20% downsizing, is still a thing. Noted.

This scene with Landau is the only one in this previously that is actually old footage, right?  

Unexpected Margo Martindale! Yay! (Ruth Eastman is a character who is so much more effective on Fight than she was on Wife and I’m quite glad they’ve had her appear on Fight several times. It kind of redeems season seven. Kind of.)

I don’t think the writers intentionally chose for Adrian’s book deal to be with Simon & Schuster because it is the most politically fraught publisher (the number of stories about controversial memoirs they’ve picked up in 2021 alone...) but I kind of like that Adrian’s Road Not Taken involves S&S. My guess is they chose S&S because it is owned by ViacomCBS.  

“Years ago, I wanted to create a law firm run entirely by women, but it never worked out. So, why not now?” Diane says to Liz. One of the advantages of having twelve (!!!) seasons of Diane Lockhart is that we’ve seen what she’s talking about. And we’ve seen her put this idea forward multiple times, too. I have my reservations about Diane’s brand of feminism, and I’ll say more about how fraught a Diane/Liz firm would be as the show explores the potential issues there, but on the surface I’m kind of excited about the prospect of a Diane/Liz led firm. Diane has wanted this for ages, Liz is a good partner, and this actually makes sense (unlike the nonsensical Diane/Alicia alliance of late season seven, where the only rationale was “well, Alicia needs to betray Diane in the finale, but they’re not on good terms. So maybe we make them business partners so then the betrayal stings more?”). Plus I fully love that Diane would end up running a firm with Alicia’s law school rival.

(Has TGF mentioned that Liz and Alicia were law school rivals? No. Am I still clinging on to that as a large part of Liz’s character? ABSOLUTELY.)

Julius is on trial for Memo 618 reasons; Diane is defending him. So this is still happening. (There’s more old footage here.)  

Do they put these references to one/two party consent in these episodes as a wink at the fans? It has to be intentional. (Please do not ask me what the actual law is on this, this show has thoroughly confused me.)  

I knew Cush was filming stuff for TGF, but I didn’t know it was for the premiere. She was just posting about it a few weeks ago, so either they shot a lot of it right before air or she posted a while after filming. Anyway, yay Lucca!  

Bianca’s still around. And, TGF gets to shoot New York for New York, since Bianca is there. I do wish TGF could do more location shoots; there’s something about seeing an actual skyline that feels more real.  

Bianca wants Lucca, who has never been outside of the country (except to St. Lucia, as Bianca reminds her) to go to London and buy her a resort. It’s supposed to be a three week stay and Bianca’s already arranged childcare. Speaking of children, because of COVID and filming constraints, that’s Cush’s real kid in this scene! You can’t really see him, but I recognized his curly hair from Cush’s Instagram, and the Kings confirmed in an interview.  

Adrian wants to write a book about police brutality cases he’s worked on. Ruth very much does not want him to write that book. She wants him to write a book without substance about how white people and black people can work together. He, understandably, has no interest in writing this book. (Also, you can see in the background that Ruth doesn’t think Biden’s odds of winning the Democratic primary are good—there is a big down arrow next to his picture, which definitely dates this scene.)

Oh, David Lee is in this episode. He acts like an asshole towards Marissa when she’s trying to help him.  

Marissa, not happy with the lack of respect, calls Lucca for advice “for a friend.” Lucca mentions she’s in London and Marissa does not believe her and keeps going on and on about her frustrations and her new desire to become a lawyer—quickly.  

Marissa wanting to become a lawyer because she “hates being talked down to” is not a plot I would’ve expected but it’s also one that makes a lot of sense. I think Marissa’s used to being respected and praised even when she’s doing things that aren’t glamorous, so I see how she’d get very restless when she’s no longer outperforming expectations and is instead taken for granted.  

Bells toll in the background on Lucca’s side and Marissa asks where she is. Lucca again notes she’s in London and Marissa still doesn’t believe her.

I’m going to miss Lucca so much, especially since we’ll also be losing a lot of the Millennial Friendship scenes with her. Cush is fantastic (even if she never really got enough to do here) and she plays so well off of the rest of the cast. I even sometimes liked the writing for Maia (who?) when she had scenes with Lucca, Lucca is that good.  

Jay wakes up sweating and unable to breathe, so he deliriously calls his father-figure Adrian. This whole scene is shot like something out of Evil and (I’m getting ahead of myself here) this plot is the only thing about this episode I felt was a misstep.  

“I think you’re my father,” Jay says to Adrian. Heh, I didn’t catch this line the first time around (maybe subliminally I did, since I just called Adrian his father figure lol) but I love that it is included here. Adrian and Jay’s relationship definitely deserves a goodbye.

Adrian calls an ambulance and also gets to Jay before the ambulance somehow. Adrian notes that Jay might have “this thing from China” and... we’re doing the pandemic, y’all. (Minor nitpick: on March 13th, 2020, when this scene is dated, COVID was not “this thing from China”-- we were all aware of it. March 11th was the day Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they’d tested positive and the NBA shut down and travel was restricted and every single brand that had my email sent me a message about their plans and measures. March 12th was the last time I was in my office, and we’d been getting emails telling us to wash our hands and prepare to work remotely for weeks. I went to San Francisco in mid-late February and distinctly remember deciding to leave a burrito unattended on a table while I washed my hands because I was paranoid about COVID... and then I remember making a specific trip to Walgreens to buy hand sanitizer so that didn’t happen again. My point is, Adrian lives in the same world I do. On March 13th 2020, he would not be treating COVID like it was some new thing he’d vaguely heard of.)  

(I am going to nitpick this timeline, but please know that I’m only doing it because I can, not because I think it’s necessarily a bad choice. Lines like this do feel a little forced, but I see the reason for introducing COVID as something new rather than going for the line that’s exactly historically accurate. I also am pretty sure there are references to dates in March/April in s4 of TGF that are now going to be contradicted by this episode, but I truly do not care. The writers get a pass on this one.)  

We skip slightly back in time to the beginning of March after the MARCH 13TH title card, or maybe this is supposed to be after March 13th and my own memories are preventing me from believing these face-to-face interactions were happening. Who knows.

Michael Bloomberg is... here, again, I guess? He asks Diane to assist with a Supreme Court case about gun control. I guess it does add some weight to the plot and make the stakes feel higher.  

Oh hey, this case is the 7x17 case!!!! Love that continuity.  

Diane and Adrian are both at the office late, working, and there is an unnecessary split screen that feels even more unnecessary when you consider that the editing alone was enough to create the parallel.  

Diane and Adrian have a nice convo (which I’ll really miss, their dynamic is great and this really feels like a successful partnership) as they wait for the elevator. When the elevator dings, they nearly tumble down into nothingness because... the elevator never came. Apparently this is a reference to an law old show I’ve never seen that killed off a character this way, and it’s meant to be a wink at how they are not going to kill off Adrian.

I do not know why I remember this, but I do: after they killed off Will, a critic (Noel Murray; I just googled to confirm my memory) who didn’t want to spoil things tweeted, “Exactly 23 years and 2 days ago, Rosalind Shays fell down an elevator shaft.” Please tell me why I remember this reference that I didn’t even understand well enough to have tracked down the original tweet in under a minute. (https://twitter.com/NoelMu/status/447942456827326464)  

Back on this show, Diane and Adrian share a drink and talk about their wishes. Diane wants to argue in front of the Supreme Court, and Adrian encourages her to speak up. His own near-death experience motivates him to trash the book Ruth has him writing, and Diane trashes the (bad) legal strategy someone else prepared for the Supreme Court.

DIANE IS WEARING JEANS!!!!!! Tbh, I think my favorite part of this episode is how many slice-of-life scenes and settings we get. These are always my favorite moments. I love the satirical and political stuff too, but the character moments are what get me invested enough to write these. (Yes, Diane in jeans constitutes a character moment.)  

Diane tells Bloomberg she wants to be involved and advocates for herself. Kurt gets a call on their landline (hahaha) from Adrian.

God, I love Diane and Kurt. Not only is their banter fun, you can just see a different, more relaxed side of Diane in these scenes. Diane tells Kurt she has good news for herself, but bad news for him since she’s arguing for gun control. She asks him to help her prep for court, too.  

So this is before Jay is rushed to the hospital, because now we are back at the hospital with Julius, Diane, and Marissa. I do not believe any of these people would be setting foot in a hospital like it’s any other day on March 13th, 2020. But I'm trying not to nitpick.

I get why they chose to give Jay a rather severe case of COVID. I just don’t get literally anything else that follows from the initial shock of Jay having COVID.  

I see why the writers chose March 20th (the actual Illinois stay at home order) as the next date for this timeline. I still do not believe that people were in this particular office on that date.  

You know what else I don’t believe? That RBL just shut down for two weeks and was like, no work is being done. Did law firms really do this? I can believe it if it’s an excuse to cost-cut, and I know there were massive layoffs, but this seems... really weird???  

Why are they setting up a teleconferencing infrastructure (didn’t they have one at LG? In season five?) if they are not planning to do work?  

Lol Diane explains what Zoom is, very slowly. She asks everyone to “download a program called Zoom.com” which is one of the first Zoom jokes I’ve chuckled at in a while.  

Marissa is not happy to hear that there’s no work for her in a work-remote world (this I believe 100%), so she calls Lucca again with more questions about law school.

Love these NYC and London location shots. Wish they could do that for Chicago.

Lucca asks Bianca to help get Marissa into a law school, fast, and Bianca tells Lucca to use her name... then offers her a job.

Marissa is at the office, alone, boxing up her things, when one of the office phones rings with some dude offering her a spot in a law school class. I guess we are really all-in on this! (Why would Lucca have given a firm phone number not specific to Marissa, though?)

Adrian and his corrupt girlfriend decide to shelter in place together. I still do not understand why he is okay with her being corrupt. I also don’t really understand why they’re going from talking about sheltering-in-place to George Floyd. How did we just skip from late March to late May? Are Adrian and corrupt gf having a conversation about sheltering-in-place two months into sheltering in place?  

Okay, I am not doing so good at this no-nitpicking thing. Again, I understand why they need to merge several scenes into one to keep things moving. And I guess they could just be getting around to this conversation.

I’m going to nitpick again, I can’t help myself. How did we just go from a scene of Adrian specifically talking about sheltering in place to a scene of Adrian bursting into a bustling and maskless DNC headquarters room? How!? The only masks in this scene are on TV!! There are like ten people in this scene!  

Anyway, more importantly, Adrian tells Ruth off and screams at her that she needs to listen to him instead of acting like she knows the way forward. He is completely right.  

Why is travel from London closing down in May 2020? Is it because this scene is supposed to be at a different place in the episode? Liz is asking Lucca to come back home from her three week stay in London (which has now lasted three months but travel is just now closing down), and Lucca’s hesitant to come home.

This is all happening via Zoom, btw. Lucca’s in her hotel, Diane and Adrian are at their respective homes, and Liz is in the office. All of this feels right. There is a chat off to the side of the screen where you can see Adrian and the others discussing how to unmute on Zoom. Very real. Though probably not very real in late May 2020. Feels more like April. I am convinced this scene got spliced in later to help the episode flow because everything in this scene (except the TV footage that definitely was added later) feels like it should be happening in the March section.  

Lucca mentions that Bianca offered her a job, and at this point we as viewers know how things are going to go—Lucca's going to end up taking it. Liz types in the Zoom chat that they don’t want to lose Lucca. When Lucca tells them how much Bianca’s offering ($500k/year, go Lucca!), Diane types “Shit.” into the chat. “Shit’s right,” Liz replies. “Yes... What should our counter be?” Diane replies. Lucca is kind enough to point out the messages are not private (again, this feels like March not May) but I think knowing that their reaction to topping $500k is “shit” tells her all she needs to know.  

Diane’s background still says that RBL is a division of STR Laurie. Weird how little we are hearing about the overlords except the 20% staff cut.  

Liz and Adrian chat and decide the only way to keep Lucca is to make her a partner. Which, yeah, if you’d just made her a partner years ago when you told her she was in the running for partner and then offered it to fucking MAIA, maybe she wouldn’t be considering Bianca’s offer. Lucca is definitely one of RBL’s stars, and I don’t think she’s wrong to feel like they don’t value her enough. They treat her well enough to be upset about losing her, but not well enough to have already made her partner and not well enough to actually give her authority (even though she runs a whole department). I’d be pretty unhappy too. It kind of feels sometimes like they take her for granted, and I don’t know that Lucca is one to feel like she owes a company anything. She’s more of an “I’m out for myself” type.  

Madeline and the other partner we’ve seen a few times who isn’t Liz/Diane/Adrian, walk into the office (wearing masks! Which they take off as soon as they enter a room with Liz! Without asking her if she is okay with this! TV logic!) and ask who is replacing Adrian. They think this is a good time to reevaluate having a white name partner of an African American firm, and they are spot on. Liz tries to deflect, noting that Diane is already a name partner and was before Liz even joined, but Madeline and other partner (whose name I really wish they would say so I can stop calling him “other partner”) won’t let up. Their position is that Diane shouldn’t have been made a name partner then—all she did was bring in ChumHum, an account that quickly left the firm. Good point.  

“What is this firm if it’s not African American? It’s just another midsized all-service Midwestern law firm, one of 50,” Madeline argues. The other partner says Liz needs to remove Diane and promote two African Americans to name partner. Liz laughs and asks if they mean themselves. Madeline does not—she's concerned about the number of black associates they’re letting go. Liz heads out, but this conversation is very much ongoing.

And I think it’s a very interesting dilemma! There’s a lot of mileage the writers can get out of this, because I don’t think there’s a right answer or a wrong one. It’s all about what Liz decides she wants the future of the firm to be. If Liz chooses Diane, she might be choosing something that works for her personally or that she thinks is a safer financial bet—but she’ll be choosing to work at a firm that can no longer be thought of as a black firm, and she’ll be choosing to move away from her father’s vision for the firm. And since the plot hinges on what Liz will decide rather than what’s objectively the right path forward, there’s a lot of interesting tension there I can’t wait to see.  

(My favorite thing about Adrian leaving is that Liz will likely get more to do, especially when it comes to managing the firm. Adrian tends to speak up first, but Liz is more than capable of managing without him and I’m so excited to see what she does when her ex-husband isn’t constantly talking over her.)  

Marissa and Lucca video chat with Jay. He’s still in the hospital. One thing that bugs me about how this episode handles COVID is that I never really get the sense that any of the characters are particularly afraid of the virus. Maybe none of them were. But you’d think you’d see a little of that fear, the weird dance of trying to assess others’ comfort levels with masking, etc., in an ep specifically about living through this time. ESPECIALLY since someone they all know and are close to has been hospitalized for MONTHS with this thing! It’s just so weird to go from a scene where people wear masks until they come in contact with other people (when masks matter the most) to a scene of someone in the hospital with COVID.  

And now Jay’s weird hallucinations start as his battery dies on the video chat. I really, truly, hated these hallucinations. I was ready to be done with these from the second they started. They’re weirdly shot, they go on for too long, and they feel like the clunkiest parts of Mind’s Eye when Alicia starts having a debate in her mind about atheism mixed with the (far superior) hospital episode of Evil.  

I don’t have much to say about these hallucinations except that I hated them a lot. When there’s the reveal that Jay is hallucinating a commerical, I almost came around on the hallucinations because that’s kind of funny and inspired. And then several more hallucinations popped up and they had a round table and Jesus got added to the mix and I was like, nope, this is bad in a very uninteresting way. I reject this.  

I feel like the Kings didn’t have much to say about COVID, the actual virus. This episode is definitely more about what the characters’ lives were like during COVID and not the pandemic itself. I think they likely got a lot of their COVID commentary out of their system with their zombie COVID show The Bite (I have not seen The Bite due to it airing on Spectrum On Demand, which I have no way of accessing. Like, I would have to move and then decide to pay for cable in order to watch it.) I also suspect a lot of their commentary on COVID isn’t going to be specific to the virus and is instead going to be about things like mask-wearing and vaccinations becoming political. And, really, that’s just a new variation on talking about polarization... and they’ve been talking about polarization for years.

In fact, they even wrote a whole series about an outbreak of a (space-bug-spread) virus that caused political polarization before Trump was even elected. BrainDead is basically commentary on the pandemic before the pandemic even happened. Soooooo I get why they are more interested in recapping 2020 than in doing a Very Special Episode about themes they’ve been talking about for years. (I still think they would’ve benefitted from at least one character being afraid of getting sick or getting their family sick.)  

There is likely some interesting content in these Jay hallucinations. I hate them so much I cannot find it. You know when you’re just on a completely different wavelength than the writers? This is an example of that.  

Also I’m not a fan of the shadowy directing. I think this is meant to look cooler than it does.  

Have I mentioned yet that I absolutely love the “Previously On” device for this episode? It’s such a fun, propulsive way to get through the slog of 2020. Scenes can be short and to the point, and each scene has to do a lot of lifting to fill in the gaps. I think that leads to scenes that are better constructed and telling on lots of levels—where are people when they’re quarantined? Who’s wearing casual clothes and when? What about this scene defines this character’s life at that moment in time?  

Bizarrely, even though this episode is pretty much all plot (this happens! Then that!), I actually found this to be one of the most character-driven episodes TGF has ever done. There’s a lot of story, but most of that story is about how the characters reacted to 2020 rather than overarching plots that will weigh on the rest of the season. This episode covers a lot of ground, but it does it with character moments that resonate.  

Now it’s July and Diane’s prepping to argue in front of the Supreme Court. Kurt’s helping her witness prep and it gets a little personal... and that ends up turning Diane on. Good to see McHart hasn’t lost its spark. (Remember how Kurt cheated on Diane in season 7 of Wife? No, me neither, because that never happened.)  

Corrupt judge is back. Adrian playfully tries to distract her from work. Then he takes a video call from Liz, who updates him on the conversation she had with John (so that’s his name) and Madeline. I guess that part of May was close to July? Anyway, Adrian isn’t surprised to hear that people are upset at the prospect of Diane being one of two name partners.  

Liz is at the office in workout clothes and I love it!

They’re losing 15 black associates (and Adrian and Lucca) and 4 white ones, Liz says. This sounds like a very big problem. (I’d be curious to know what that is as a percentage of the firm and how the racial composition shifts.)

Liz knows it’s not exactly up to her if Diane stays on as name partner (the other partners get a vote, but I think Liz knows she has a lot of sway here). She’s also wondering if Biden could win, and if so, would it be to the firm’s advantage to be black-owned? Interesting.  

“Well. If you’re thinking it, then Diane’s thinking it, too,” Adrian says. He’s right. “White guilt. It runs verrrrry deep on that one, huh?” Ha. He is right about that, too. I actually can’t decide which of these interpretations is correct, because it could be either even though they seem contradictory. (1) Is Adrian saying it with a hint of mockery because he knows Diane will fight for her partnership even as she would say she’s a huge supporter of black businesses? (2) Is he saying it because he knows Diane would have enough white guilt to realize what her presence as a partner means and think through the implications? I think it is, somehow, a combination. I’m interested in this line because this whole dilemma (from Diane’s POV) is something that’s very familiar. Diane’s always been an idealist who will betray her ideals for personal gain. That sounds like an attack, but I mean that as neutrally as I possibly can. There are so many examples of this that this is kind of just a character trait of hers at this point. Usually those ideals are about feminism, but this situation seems closely related.  

Adrian overhears Corrupt GF talking about Julius, Diane, and Memo 618. You would think she would wait to have this conversation until there is no chance of Adrian overhearing, because if Adrian overhears, he might...

... do exactly what he proceeds to do and hop into a car with Diane to give her a heads up. (I think I’m just going to have to accept that the mask usage rule on this episode is “we use masks to show that the characters would wear them, but we don’t want to have scenes where characters are fully masked because that’s annoying.” If that’s not the rule, then why else would Adrian be masked outside... and then take off his mask as soon as he gets into a confined indoor space with Diane?  

Baranski looks ESPECIALLY like Taylor Swift in this scene.  

Adrian tells Diane what he knows. He dug deeper after overhearing Charlotte, so he has even more info. “If you tell me, I will use it,” Diane warns. Adrian knows that, so he takes a moment to decide. And he decides that he cares more about Diane and Julius than about his relationship with a corrupt judge.  

Diane and Julius are masked in court. Visitor and the judge are not. They use masking in a clever way in this scene: Diane uses being masked to her advantage because it means no one can possibly read her lips, so she can use the info Adrian fed her against Charlotte without any fear of spies. Charlotte, who is unmasked, guards her lips with a folder, as the Visitor watches interestedly.  

Diane convinces Charlotte to recuse herself. Charlotte says she’s making a mistake; Diane does not care.  

The new judge is, unfortunately, the idiot who doesn’t know anything about the law. Uh oh.

Charlotte decides she’s done sheltering in place with Adrian. He tries to talk through the conflict, but Charlotte says “You made your choice, Adrian. Julius Cain over me.”

“The choice was about right and wrong, Charlotte,” Adrian tries to explain. I mean, yeah, but if you’re dating a judge who has admitted she’s totally corrupt, didn’t right and wrong go out the window a while ago?

Adrian seems to think the other people involved in the events are bad and Charlotte is good. I am not convinced. I don’t think she’s the big bad, but I don’t think she’s good.  

Charlotte points out that he invaded her privacy. She is right about that. “You said the choice was between right and wrong. Turning over my emails was the choice,” she said. I get her POV. But also, she is corrupt.  

I do not like the way the part of the scene where Adrian physically restrains Charlotte to keep her from leaving is shot. I don’t think this is an abusive scene but I think it should’ve been shot from a little farther back so we could see it’s more like Adrian reaching out in desperation than trying to choke Charlotte. Because it very much looks like he is trying to choke Charlotte.  

He tells Charlotte he loves her. She says it’s too late and leaves. “Maybe you won’t be with me. But you keep down this path... you’ll be done, I’m telling you, you’ll be done.”

I think something that I’ve been missing in these interactions is that I didn’t quite realize until this scene that the Adrian/Charlotte dynamic is more interesting than Adrian liking a corrupt judge. I think he truly believes Charlotte is a good person who got caught up in some bad stuff, and that she can bounce back from it. I’ve always seen Charlotte as someone who is corrupt for herself and then ended up going along with the corruption of others, too, so I’ve dismissed her and the relationship. This is the first scene that has felt real to me, and the first scene where she’s felt like more than a caricature. Kind of sad it’s the last she’ll get with Adrian—now I’m actually starting to find her interesting. Notice how in these last few sentences I’ve used her name instead of “Corrupt GF”!  

Charlotte says she loved Adrian too, but that’s not enough. Awww.

He can’t really be surprised though, can he?  

Now it is August and we get to see Diane and Liz react to the announcement of Kamala Harris as Biden’s VP pick, and I would like to thank the writers for giving me the opportunity to see Diane and Liz react to this. It’s kind of fan-service, but it’s also a nice tie-in to the girl-power theme of the Diane/Liz alliance.

Diane and Liz realize that Adrian’s probably not a good candidate for 2024 if the DNC only wants one black candidate and Harris is the clear front-runner. Liz suggests keeping him on as partner instead, in a way that very much implies this would be her ideal solution. Diane, being Diane, says she was liking the idea of an all-female firm. Liz hesitantly says she was too, and Diane senses the hesitation.

“Let’s look again at which associates to fire. I’m worried we’re losing too many African Americans,” Diane switches the subject. How have they still not made this decision? If any employees know downsizing is coming, and they’ve had months to act on it, assuming there are jobs elsewhere, people would’ve been jumping ship by now.  

But that’s not the point of this scene. The point of this scene is that Liz corrects Diane: “Black. You can just say Black people.” Very nice moment underlining the tension. Diane means well, but she’s still acting like a white lady who doesn’t know how to act around black people... and she wants to (and, I guess, already does) run a black firm. Major yikes.  

Marissa and Lucca are talking again. Marissa does not want to be in law school—she just wants to be a lawyer. Lucca won’t accept Marissa’s refusal to memorize meaningless rules: “Marissa. I know that you know how to play the game, but you have to pass the bar to get into a position to play the game.” Why does this line make me love Lucca? This line isn’t even anything amazing. It’s just a line that cuts through the bullshit and makes a good point.  

Marissa keeps going, insulting all of her peers and teachers, and Lucca figures out how to cut through that, too: she tells Marissa that she’d hire her as a lawyer if she killed someone, but only if Marissa passes the bar. Marissa is instantly intrigued.  

“Why are you leaving here? I’ll miss you,” Marissa says.  

“Because they won’t pay me what I deserve,” Lucca says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Anyway, I thought they fired you.”  

“But they didn’t mean it. It’s like the smoothie place—they kept trying to fire me and I just kept showing up,” Marissa replies. That checks out. (Love the callback!)  

Lucca tries to get Marissa to come over to England. Marissa shuts that down as Lucca gets a news alert—and it’s not good news.  

Our next date is September 18th, 2020 and I will get my nitpicks out of the way up front! I don’t really know why it is daytime for Lucca when she reads the news, considering it was already the evening in the States when the RBG news broke. And, also, it was Rosh Hashanah, so Marissa probably would not have been sitting in her bedroom studying... she most likely would’ve been with family or friends. OK I’M DONE. FOR NOW.  

Diane is getting ready for her arguments in front of the Supreme Court. It’s almost time! She’s in casual clothes but has on a wonderful mask. She’s standing in front of Kurt’s guns to make a point (love that she’s using her video call background to her advantage) and there are several people in her bedroom getting the tech all set up. I have noted before that they only built one set for Diane’s apartment, and it’s just a massive bedroom. Diane choosing to be in front of the guns does a nice job of cutting off my question about why she’d be arguing in front of the Supreme Court from her bedroom rather than the home office she absolutely would have.  

Kurt walks in and tries to shake hands... he’s clearly not very COVID paranoid, and Diane seems to be, and... that’s something I might have wanted to see? How was Diane okay with Kurt taking risks that also affected her?

Diane confirms she intentionally chose to stand in front of the guns. That’s when Kurt gets the push notification. He pulls Diane into the bathroom to show her the news. He hands her his phone and Diane’s face falls. She starts tearing up. “2020 just won’t let go,” she says, speaking for us all.

Normally I hate things that are like, we’re going to contrive this so the news hits at the worst possible moment! This works for me, because the Supreme Court plot for Diane feels more like something that exists to be a through line for the episode. It would also be a little hard to work in RBG’s death as a main plot point—and it is definitely important enough to be a main plotpoint—if it didn’t also affect something in the world of the show.  

Also, another reason I like this contrivance is that it makes it all the more powerful when Diane says, “It’s over. He gets to nominate someone. Another Kavanaugh! We’ll have a conservative court for the next 20 years. My whole fucking life!” She’s not thinking about how this affects her case (and that case is basically a life-long dream for her). She is thinking about way bigger things, and knowing that her mind goes to the bigger things before the personal with news like this really underlines how big of a deal RBG’s death was.  

Diane tells Kurt, “I don’t deserve you. You don’t agree with me.” “I can still feel bad for you,” he responds. He holds her while she cries.

Jay’s hallucination thing is back. Now Karl Marx is here. So is Jesus. I’m so done with this. It’s nice to get a break from writing.

Malcolm X is also on the roundtable and now they’re talking over each other in that way that everyone on this show always does. (RK gave an interview about Evil where he said he likes having the children on that show talk over each other because he grew up in a household like that. I did not need to read that interview to understand that RK likes scenes where people talk over each other.)  

If anything happened in those hallucinations, I missed it, because I didn’t pause the episode. Because I do not care about the hallucinations. Because I hate them.

Now it’s November 2020... Diane’s watching election results and rocking back and forth. She tells Kurt he can go watch Fox News in the other room (so they do have more than one room!). He says he’s fine—he thinks Diane needs it more.  

“Yes, but Kurt, if you stay, I know this isn’t sensible, but... Trump seems to get more votes whenever you’re sitting on this couch,” Diane tells him. Ha, I relate to this kind of superstition so hard. “Are you serious?” Kurt says. “I am so deathly serious,” Diane responds. “Whenever you’re sitting here, Arizona goes for Trump. Humor me, please. Just go in the other room.”  

When Kurt tries to kiss her, she pulls away: “No, no, no. No kiss. If you kiss me, we’ll lose Georgia.” This scene feels so, so real and perfectly captures what it was like (at least for me, though I don’t have a Republican husband or anything) watching election results come in.  

“Uh, if you lose, we’ll be fine, right?” Kurt asks. “Kurt, let me just say this. I’m only saying that we won’t be fine so that the universe will grant me a win,” Diane responds. This scene is so fun and so good! It simultaneously captures a relatable mood, adds some levity, gives us a window into Diane’s life, and shows some of the tensions in her marriage?! I want this all the time!  

Kurt leaves the room. Diane pours more wine.

Later, with Diane still rocking back and forth with anxiety (just you wait for the several more days this will drag on!), Kurt brings in the champagne. “That was for when Hillary won. I can only drink it if Biden wins,” Diane protests. Did I also refuse to drink any celebratory alcohol until things were absolutely certain? No comment.  

“It’s odd you progressives resisted religion. You seem to have a hundred religions to take its place,” Kurt says, speaking on behalf of the writers’ room. (This joke doesn’t get written if the writers don’t believe this and probably even see it in themselves.)  

“Go away, Trump. I mean Kurt,” she shoos him away. Have I mentioned yet I love this scene?  

“Love me even if you lose?” he jokes (though I do wonder if this isn’t that joking? I think it is, but he keeps saying it!) as Diane gestures at him to get out.  

I could do without the joke about Diane’s heart on the TV for a couple reasons. One, it goes on too long. Two, I was very worried something would actually happen to Diane. You’d think that would make the scene feel more tense, but it does not, because it takes me out of the moment.

“Ok, God. You know I don’t believe in you. But I will believe in you if Joe Biden wins. I’m sorry. I know that that’s not what Jesus taught. There’s nothing in the New Testament that says, ‘Believe in me, and I’ll make sure your candidate wins,’ but I need Joe Biden to win. I’m sorry, God, but I just do. I need some faith.” This is a little much but... yeah. Also, is this the first time Diane’s flat out said she’s an atheist? I think it is, though I’ve assumed as much for quite a while.  

The next day in court, masks are no longer required if you’re a series regular and votes are still being counted. I remember those days. Marissa thought Diane was checking in on Jay... Diane was not. She was checking on vote counts.  

Apparently Jay’s finally being released from the hospital!

Bad news for Julius—the idiot judge finds him guilty of some nonsense charge and sentences him to seven years in prison.  

Diane says not to worry, and Julius asks “Why not?” Good point.

Then we have election results! We skip, specifically, to December 14th and the electoral college vote. I’m a little sad we skipped over the huge party that was November 7th, but I get why they’d rather keep things moving along. I think showing November 7th in an uncomplicated way would’ve just been too close to fanservice. But, man, what a day.  

Diane, in a red hoodie with leopard print that she somehow manages to still look classy in, is ready to pop champagne. Then she hears that on January 6th, a joint session of Congress will count the electoral votes and there might be a debate. “Nope. If I open it now, something bad will happen,” she reasons. “I’ve waited four years. I can wait another few weeks.”

It’s been almost a year and they’re still somehow negotiating with Lucca, but I understand why they’d space this out across the episode. Otherwise we’d have to say goodbye to Lucca in the first like, 15 mins of the episode and all those scenes would be in a row. I can forgive (and still nitpick) choices like this when the reasoning behind them seems sound.  

Adrian says they don’t want to lose Lucca. He, Liz, and Diane are all in the conference room, and they ask Lucca for a yes or no on their latest offer by the end of the call. Diane offers Lucca partner—she'll be the youngest partner in the firm’s history—and she’ll get a $500,000/year salary. Adrian tries to sell her on being part of American history by being part of the firm.

“We are a black firm, Lucca, and we need you,” Liz says with a lot of passion for someone who knows she might very well partner with Diane. Diane looks at Liz with a bit of suspicion at this, wondering if Liz is showing her cards.  

Lucca manages to make the wifi malfunction (or she gets very lucky) and uses the disconnection to call Bianca for a counteroffer, even though they said they needed a yes or no on the spot.  

“They used George Floyd because they want you for less. They have never appreciated you as much as I do. All those scars, all that time being taken for granted and undervalued has made you a fighter. It’s made you someone I now want,” Bianca tells Lucca. She gives Lucca a counter offer of $1.3 million and the title of CFO. Lucca takes it. Is there really another choice? (If she were concerned about loyalty to the firm and the partnership was what she wanted, she probably would've just taken it.)  

(Also, the partners can’t really act like Lucca is making history by being the youngest partner ever when they passed her over for partner two years earlier and offered it to Maia! To MAIA! Who had like three years of work experience! And yes I was fine with Alicia and Cary getting partnership offers with four years but, one, that was a scam, and two, Alicia and Cary actually worked. Oh, I see I still hate Maia with a passion. Back to THIS season...)

Lucca apologetically informs Marissa she’s leaving and the offer was just too good to turn down. I believe it. I also believe Lucca wants that job more. What has loyalty to RBL gotten her? She's someone so talented and good at her job that she just gets job offers from acquaintances all the time (starting with Alicia!). RBL appreciates her, but just enough to appease her while still undervaluing her. I don’t know that I would’ve believed a plot where Lucca actively job hunts, but I definitely believe this.

“Marissa, we don’t have to work together to be friends,” Lucca tells Marissa. I’m going to miss this so much. Why is this the best material Lucca’s gotten in ages?! I think one of the things that makes Lucca such a great character is that you can see why everyone instantly wants her on their team. She’s a fantastic friend (without giving too much of herself), she’s not a pushover, and she is incredibly sharp and able to get to the heart of any situation. I love her and I’m sad we won’t get to see more of her.  

(On that bit about friendship—I can’t write about Lucca’s departure without writing about the moment I realized just how great of a character Lucca was. It was in 7x13, when Alicia has her breakdown that’s seven seasons in the making... and Lucca supports her. But the writing, and Cush’s performance, never make it feel like Lucca exists to be a part of Alicia’s story. Lucca seems like her own fully formed person who happens to be supporting Alicia at this moment. I don’t think I can overstate how tough of a task it is to get me to care about the other person in a pivotal Alicia scene, especially when that other person was added to the cast in the final season and many suspected she’d just be a replacement for a different beloved character! Anyway, Lucca’s been great for years, and I’ll miss her.)  

Just when I thought I couldn’t hate the hallucinations more, we get a hint that they are going to continue: Jay sees one right after he learns that Marissa’s used her quarantine to start law school and he’s done nothing.  

Jay says he carries a gun now and it’s “performative.” I have no idea what that means and Marissa and Lucca don’t seem to, either.  

Another thing I like about Lucca’s final scene is that it isn’t rushed. We have time for all that, and also for Lucca to tell Marissa about the time she stole her breakfast sandwich, and for Marissa to react to it, and for Marissa to find Lucca’s Birkin bag, and for Lucca to tell Marissa to keep it, and for Marissa to react to that, and for Lucca to sappily say “think of me when you use it,” and for Marissa to nonsensically reply, “you think of me when I use it,” and there’s still a little bit more of the scene after that!  

Marissa’s silly line makes Lucca tear up. “God, I’m gonna miss you guys,” she says. “I’m gonna miss this. You make me smile. I didn’t smile much before you guys.” Awwwwwww. This is also so true to character! Her friendship with Alicia aside, Lucca’s definitely said before she’s not one to have friends (which is hilarious because she is, as I've said like 100 times, a fantastic friend and also just like, the coolest person??? Who wouldn’t want to be HER friend?!).  

She says she has to go because she’s getting too emotional and says goodbye. She’s also super sappy and when Marissa says, “you were the best,” she responds that they were the best TOGETHER! Awwwwwww.  

What a nice, fitting goodbye for Lucca. There’s no bad blood or fireworks—she just makes a change like a lot of people do. I’d like to think she’ll still be friends with Marissa and Jay after this. I don’t want too many Lucca references in future episodes, but I would really like it if we see Marissa and Jay update each other on the latest from Lucca, or if a scene begins with Marissa closing out an Instagram post from Lucca of her kid, or something. I wouldn’t want clues about what Lucca’s up to, but I’d love to see that she’s still a part of Marissa and Jay’s lives.

Now it is January 6th. Liz, Adrian, and Diane sit on the floor of the mostly empty office, watching TV coverage and drinking. It’s so relaxed it’s almost surreal, and it, like many other moments in this episode, feels like a slice of life. Everyone’s dressed casually and no one is worried about appearances or looking like the boss.  

“God, have you ever seen anything like it. It’s so fucked,” Diane says. Adrian’s more optimistic—the courts rejected most of the challenges to election results! “System worked,” he says. “Yay.” Liz says in response. She’s not as optimistic as he is.  

“Liz. Liz. Sometimes when things work out, there is no parade. There’s no congratulations, but I’ll tell you this: We live to fight another day,” he explains to her even though she makes a good point that a system just barely hanging on doesn’t bode well for the future. (She doesn’t say all this, but that’s a very loaded, “Yay.”)  

“Yeah? Then why are you leaving the law?” Liz asks. Diane seconds to the question.

Adrian announces he’s still retiring—and he’s moving to Atlanta. He wants to go to the south to help “create and consolidate political power.” He’s excited to start over and inspired by Georgia going blue. This is a very nice exit for Adrian. I fully believe that he’s interested in political organizing, that he’d be good at it, and that he’s ready for a change. I don’t think he’s always the most progressive person (of the three in this scene, Liz is absolutely the most progressive one, though Diane probably thinks she is!), but I absolutely think he thinks of himself as an activist and I believe that if he’s going to step away from the law, he’d do so to make a move like this.  

Adrian—and Lucca, but especially Adrian—probably both got better exits thanks to the events of 2020. If Adrian had just left to be groomed by the DNC, that would’ve been a predictable and boring ending for him. His candidacy would, obviously, go nowhere, and the whole thing felt weird from the minute it was introduced. But this? Adrian being energized—like so many others were—by the ways the world changed in 2020 and using his already announced departure from the firm and recent breakup as a chance to start over and make change? This is great!  

Adrian asks Liz and Diane what’s next for them. Liz says that she thinks the Biden admin will be better for black businesses. Adrian asks if they’re replacing him, and Diane says, “I think the big question is, are you replacing me?” She’s smart. I like how this scene goes from friendly to tense very fast, with everyone kind of testing the waters. Adrian tries to force the conversation, Liz opens with something vague yet pointed, and Diane speaks what’s previously been unspoken.

Liz says it’s not her intention to push Diane out. “I can’t change the color of my skin,” Diane replies. “I know,” Liz laughs. Audra’s delivery is fantastic on that line.  

“Hey, I’m gonna fight for my partnership,” Diane says. “I know,” Liz says. The tone of this scene is so different from previous partnership drama on these shows and I’m excited about it. This is just a bunch of adults talking about business decisions with each other and treating each other as equals?? It's not backstabbing?? Or drama?? No one is hiding things?? It’s refreshing and I hope this plot stays like this. We’ve done so much partnership drama that I think drama that stems from a real, pressing question that has no easy answers and isn’t anyone’s fault is going to be much more fruitful for the show.  

Adrian heads out—ah, I see now this scene is set in his empty office and this is why they are on the floor—and gets a nice last moment with Diane. And then they give him a last moment with Liz, which I knew they would but was still glad to see.  

Liz asks if he knows what he’s doing—he says he’s not sure.

Adrian asks if Liz knows where she stands regarding Diane. “It’s going to be interesting,” Liz says. I don’t think she’s decided what she’s going to do yet.

It wouldn’t be an Adrian and Liz scene if Adrian didn’t have some unsolicited advice. “Diane’s a terrific lawyer, but this firm belongs to you.  Your dad built it. He did, Liz. Despite all his faults. You got to run this place the way you want. This is a black firm. And after today, the world needs black firms. You got me?” He tells Liz. He makes it seem like Liz gets the choice and then tells her what to do. She says, “I got it,” signaling she understood him but not that she necessarily agrees.  

I cannot wait to see what Liz does next!!!!!!! About this but just in general!!!!! Without Adrian there giving her constant advice I feel like she can grow so much and the show will have to give her more to do!!! I think Adrian, for all his many wonderful qualities and all he brought to the show, can suck all the air out of a room with his charisma, and Liz usually ends up suffering as a result. She’s such a capable lawyer in her own right, but Adrian has a way of making it always seem like he’s right—even in arguments she wins. I’m excited to see Liz lead (or stumble at leadership; she is fairly new to management) without Adrian’s direct influence.  

Liz walks Adrian out and it’s cute. They run into Marissa and Jay. “Everybody fun is leaving,” Marissa notes. Liz is minorly offended, but playfully. Heh.

Adrian asks Jay how he’s doing; Jay says he’s a long-hauler but he’s doing okay. I like that they included that moment in Adrian’s goodbye sequence. It’s a very little thing, but it underlines that Adrian cares about Jay.  

Then Liz interrupts to note that Trump pardoned a lot of convicted and corrupt Republican officials....... including Julius.  

Everyone celebrates, but especially Diane and Marissa. Diane lets out her wonderful laugh and then we, finally, get to the credits. Because now that the previouslies are over, it’s time for the real show.

The credits are absolutely delightful, btw. I was a little worried some of the kittens would blow up, though! Once I relaxed and realized what they were up to—literal puppies and kittens because Biden won—I couldn’t get enough of these credits. They work so well because they accurately capture the way I (and all of these characters, except maybe Julius and Kurt) feel about the election results, but it’s so exaggerated that you know the kittens and puppies aren’t a realistic representation of our new reality. They’re just too good to be true, but you may as well enjoy them for a minute. I’m sure we’ll be back to exploding vases next week.

What a great episode! My timeline nitpicks and whatever they’re trying to do with Jay aside, I was blown away by how well the writers managed to move on from season 4, tie up loose ends, and write out two main characters. And they did it all while making me revisit the events of 2020, a year I don’t think many of us want to spend much time thinking about! This episode was enjoyable, fun, emotional, and clever. I don’t know what to expect from the rest of the season, but I’m definitely excited about the show in a way I haven’t really been in quite some time.  

This season’s naming convention seems to be titles that end with ... and only have the first word capitalized. I want to see more. 

Season FIVE? There have already been as many TGF seasons as there were TGW seasons prior to Hitting the Fan?! Time flies. 

Please writers: No topical episodes this year-- no pee tape, no Melania divorce, no Epstein. None of that business. 

Sorry if I repeated myself here. I never proofread these things, and I wrote half of this on Saturday and half of it today (Wednesday) and the days in between were an absolute blur so I cannot remember if I said the same things about this episode twice. 

[graceslavenderhaze]

bright { connor stevens}

synopsis: connor knows your soul and you know his. now that knowledge is put to the test. 

authors note

part two of haunted!

in this story a evil eye bracelet is use, which is a talisman used for protection against misfortune and injury. i have used evil talismans since childhood and their apart of my culture which is why i’m adding them into my writing. 

also i tried my best to reconstruct the timeline so if there’s some mistakes and gaps, i tried lol. 

also the major plot twists i threw into this? whip lash worthy

Your walk home was accompanied by your tears and broken heart. While your mind was on auto pilot buzzing through every moment you spent with Connor, trying to pin point the exact moment everything had gone wrong. Was he being honest with you? Did he suddenly start caring all of a sudden what your over bearing parents thought about your relationship with him? Or was he just never into you that much to beginning with. You weren’t immune to hearing the whispers in the hallway and how cruel your classmates could be, while Connor always reassured you. Your mind always had that deep corner that was out for blood and to hurt you.

Your cheeks were raw and your eyes were stinging by the time you had returned back home. All the lights were out downstairs and upstairs. You snuck back into your bedroom with ease. You had no willpower once you entered through your windowpane to do anything. You shrugged off the jacket and your shoes, managed to changed into the first pair of clean pajamas you saw and the second your head hit the pillow, you were out. 

You woke up to your alarm and felt like you had been left on the side of the road after being ran over. You sat up to check your phone and saw that there had been a few notifications from your socials and texts from Luke, they were about Connor. Adding insult to injury. You stared at the texts debating if you should even them, and deciding against them. You couldn’t deal with this decaffeinated. 

“So he just broke up with you? Out of nowhere?” Carrie said as you had finished ranting to your friends. You nodded and her face furrowed. “That’s out of character for him, he looks at you like you put the stars in the sky.” She said nonchalantly making a turn onto out of the coffee shop parking lot. You took a sip of your coffee. 

“It’s so out of character for him.” Kayla commented from the backseat, you turned slightly to look at her. “Obviously we don’t know him as well as you do but c’mon that’s so weird.” It was weird, you didn’t put everything together in the moment but something was definitely going on. 

“You’re right.” You murmured. You didn’t want to give yourself excuses but something was definitely going on. As you rolled into school you noticed Luke and your eyebrows furrowed, Connor wasn’t with him. They always walked to school together. Unless he ditched. 

“Hey!” Luke announced as he walked up to Carries car when you’d gotten out. “Hi.” You said shortly walking past with your friends. “You seen Connor yet?” You and your friends stopped short. “Why would she keep tabs on her ex?” Carrie snarked. Confusion washed over Luke and he went silent as a sympathetic look was cast your way. You smiled before you and your friends continued your way to class. 

After school, you stayed late to hang with Kayla as she choreographed some more things for dance while you worked on your homework. Eventually you were both kicked out by the boys wrestling team and when leaving the coach asked if you knew where Connor was, you shook your head and went your way with Kayla. “He didn’t show at all today?” You voiced with concern to Kayla, she met your face with mutual concern. “You should call him. Breakup aside this is some criminal minds type shit.” You nodded. You pulled your phone out and your finger hung over his contact before you finally pressed down. 

The ringing went on and on which just built up your anxiety. Then his voicemail. “Hey it’s Connor, leave a message if you even do that anymore it’s the twenty first century.” You swallowed and looked at Kayla. “Hey, i know i’m probably the last person you want to hear from but where ever you are can you just call me and let me know you’re not kidnapped or something morbid like that. ok bye.” 

“Effective.” She said as you opened the passenger door. “Well sorry i don’t have a go to my ex who i love is missing might be missing and i’m concerned voicemail at the ready.” You said buckling your seatbelt. “Weakling.” She said pulling out of the school parking lot. 

“Where’s y/n? “ Hanna asked as they went through Connor’s backpack that they had found in the woods the day prior. Luke hadn’t spoken anything of Connor and yours breakup with the rest of the group and they’d been confused on the absence of their friend. “Connor and her broke up the night before he went missing.” Luke said to the group. The room went silent other than the humming of the art room lights. 

“Is that why she’s been avoiding us?” Gabby asked, she’d seen you several times and you’d dodged. It wasn’t intentional it was just that they were Connors friends first. “Probably.” Jai said continuing to look through the backpack when a letter addressed to you fell out. He looked at the group, “Nope not reading it.” 

“None of us are!” Hanna said as Luke inched towards it. Gabby nodded, “I have class with her next period. I’ll give it to her.” She said shooting the boys looks. The boys both put their heads down like dogs in the dog house. 

Eventually, the bell had rung so the group went separate ways and when Gabby saw you in class she sat next to you before you had the chance to move seats she dropped the letter on your desk. “We know why you’re avoiding us. But he left this for you, Luke found his backpack in the woods yesterday and he’s convinced something happened.” She said keeping her voice down not wanting to draw any attention to the two of you. You nodded taking everything in. 

You slipped the letter into your backpack. “I want to help but things with my parents aren’t the best right now and besides my shifts at the book store i’m on lock down.” You explained to her, there was nothing more you wanted than to help Connor. She nodded. “I totally understand. I’ll text you updates.” She said with a reassuring smile. You gave her a smile and then turned your attention to the class even though the only thing you could think about was the letter in your backpack. 

It had been hours before you were able to read the letter that Connor had left you. It sat there taunting you. You ripped it open and didn’t know what to feel. It just had a post it note that said you’re enough, then ticket stubs from dates you’d been on and a wax bracelet with an evil eye charm attached. You put the bracelet on almost instantly. Nothing made sense.

 What you had was a piece of the puzzle. 

On Monday, Connor was here. Sleep deprived, worried eyed and self heart broken. Tuesday came like sunrise and he was gone as if he never existed. The only thing left was his backpack and laptop that was password encrypted. 

On Tuesday, his backpack had been found in the woods he last was in before he disappeared. With trinket lights, a letter for you, and a note that was chalked up to be clues. 

On Wednesday, his friends went through his backpack at school. Hanna and Luke snuck into his house and stole his laptop in hopes of figuring out more about what happened to him. Later, that day Jai finds out the group didn’t make it out of the woods in time and was in deed cursed by the shadow man. Jai was almost taken in his basement, Hanna and Seth were almost taken in their living room, and Gabby while on a jog.

Not being able to get any contact of Luke who was at wrestling practice, Gabby stole her mom’s car to hopefully save her friend. The group took refugee at Connor’s house for the night. The shadow man came back and they managed to fight him off this time. Hanna cracked the password to Connor’s laptops and they figured out that he was cursed too. He was researching into the curse and was going to the lighthouse to preform a ritual to end it all. 

Pieces came together, like the corners of a puzzle. 

When Thursday rolled around you found yourself studying in the cafeteria when Gabby and Jai came to sit with you. “Hey.” You said looking up from your textbook. “Hi.” Gabby said with a nervous look on her face. “What’s going on?” You asked looking at the both of them with confusion and concern at the same time. 

“Your mom’s maiden name is Murphy, right?” Jai asked as he pulled out an old yearbook. You nodded, “Yeah but what does this have to do with Connor?” Jai placed the open yearbook in front of you. “This is June Murphy, she was the first victim of the shadow man curse we think, she was the light house keepers daughter, well one of them.” Gabby explained to you. 

“One of them? Whose the other?” You asked flipping to the next page, and staring up at you was your own mother. Who looked somewhat like. “Oh shit.” You muttered. “We didn’t know for sure.” Jai said sympathetically.

“It’s definitely her, probably think it was me if her name wasn’t there.” You said looking up and pulling your phone out to take a picture of the year book pages. “She chastises me for lying when she has a whole hidden identity.” You said slumped in shock. 

“We’re sorry.” Gabby said placing her hand on your wrist in an act of comfort. “Maybe she knows something that can help with Connor?” Jai implied, you shrugged. “I’ll talk to her later and let you guys know if it’s anything helpful. I have to go meet Carrie about the glow dance.” 

“Also Jai, If you’re planning on asking Kayla. Her dress is purple. Just a heads up.” You said as you grabbed your textbook and walked away from your two friends with questions swirling around your head. How was this suddenly a real life scenario in your life?

“Mom!” You announced when you walked in your house. She was in her bedroom. You hadn’t talked to her since the night you last saw Connor. “We need to talk.” You said, She smiled. She thinks she going to win, she has no idea what’s coming. 

“I’m so glad you came to your senses about that boy.” She said. You laughed pulling your phone out. “No we need to talk about your double life.” Her face went pale and fear overstruck it. You had never seen your mother scared in your entire life, not even when you broke your arm. 

“Tell me your secrets and i’ll tell mine.” You said with your arms crossed. She sat there for a minute before she exhaled. “First you need to understand everything i did was to protect you. Second, i need to know what you know. ” You nodded, you’d never seen your mother like this before so whatever she was about to say must be gospel truth. 

“I know June Murphy was the lighthouse keepers daughter, well one of them, she tried to save the lighthouse and failed, then she died. Not so long after the light house was shut down and then her dad died not so long after her.” You said and your mom nodded. 

“June fought to save the light house and was only a few signatures short. She’s a lot you, you’d like her.  One night she decided she’d turn the lighthouse on by herself. Only problem was we’d thrown the key off the cliff into the water earlier that day. June swore she saw it hanging by a low branch. So we went to get it. It was pouring so when she came just close, she slipped and she fell.” Tears collected in your mothers eyes and you regretted everything you said about her earlier. 

“My father was devastated and took a book of shadows. He turned himself into a monster to try and get my sister back. In the end, i lost them both.” She said as she stood up and went into her closet pulling out out a medium sized wooden chest. 

“I changed my name, moved to an out of state college and when i married your father. We moved back here, perfect place for a family. No one remembered me because there was nothing worth remembering anymore.” She placed it down and opened it. There was pictures, a baby blanket and other keepsakes. 

“At the time i couldn’t understand how my father turned himself into a monster to save a daughter he lost, when he still had one who was alive. But after i had you. I understood. I could never let that happen.” You sat there. Your parents had been hard on you but if this was the reason? You had no reason to complain. 

“Does dad know?” You asked. She nodded, “You can’t go through something like that and keep it to yourself you need to let burdens off your shoulders and lean on the ones you love.” You nodded. She sat next to you on the bed “I’m sorry about what i said about your boyfriend.” 

“He’s not my, um, that’s a whole mess right now.” You said to her. “He broke up with me the night we fought, i snuck out of my window. Then went missing the next day and his friends who are also my friends, but that societal you can’t have mutual friend with a significant other bullshit was in my head, found out he was in the light house cottage before he disappeared so they went there too. He wasn’t there but his backpack was in the woods, which are cursed so now they’re cursed and they’re trying to save him and themselves before the shadow man takes them like they took Connor.” You rambled on. Your mother look at you as you had three heads. “Are you cursed?” She asked placing a hand on your shoulder.  

“No but like i’m sitting on the sides watching everyone i love get taken so i wish i was at this point.” you said as your mother took you into a hug and you started to break down. “I don’t know what to do, i need someone to tell me what to do.” You cried into her shoulder as she soothed you like she used to when you were a baby. 

“It’s going to be alright, we have something that the shadow man doesn’t.” she said getting up and grabbing something from your dads side of the closet. A small book, before she grabbed your hand. “Where are we going?” You asked. “A family reunion.” She said as you both walked out of the front door and into the car. She looked over at your wrist, “Where’d you get that?” It was the evil eye bracelet.

“Connor left it for me before he disappeared.” You said subconsciously rubbing the bracelet to soothe yourself. “Smart move.” She said as she pulled out of the drive way. “Why?” You asked you knew the evil eye was protective. “A protective talisman, gifted by a lover? He had every intention of protection you from the shadow man whether he was taken or not.” She said looking over. “Breaking up with you, the letter, and the talisman? He loves you. Call it motherly intuition.” 

“Yeah well when we save him, i have a lot to talk to him about.” You said as you looked out the window. “You could talk to me about it.” You looked back. “I realize that in these past years protecting may have drawn a wall between us and that's not what i want and that's not what i ever wanted.” You knew it would take some time but you wanted it too. “I don’t know if that would work. I usually complain about you and dad.” You joked as you looked back out the window. 

“A magic shop? What are we witches?” You said to your mother. She turned to you. “Mom.” She ignored your advances and once you made it to the door you were asked about a password. 

“Lemme guess abracadabra?” The door slide open. This wasn’t the weirdest thing that had happened this week. “See you’re a natural.” Your mom winked. Your eyes widen. A man in an extravagant purple suit answers the door. He’s taken back. That makes two of us. 

“Okay, to recap. You’re my dad’s brother but he decided to never bring you up for some unknown reason and my family has ties to magic and shadow powers?” Your mom and Sardo nodded. “Is there any other major family secrets you wanna tell me?” 

“Teenagers.” Sardo muttered. “Wait teenagers as in plural.” Your mother said turning her attention to Sardo. “Yes i run a magic shop, teenagers come in.” He said nonchalantly. “Have any other teenagers come in today asking about the shadow man?” You asked. 

“Well there was this group of rugrats earlier today.” The midnight society. “Earlier this week this tall, lanky, one dressed in all black came in for a spell book.” He explained. “Connor?” You asked. Sardo got up and went through his purchase slips. “Yes, Connor Stevens.” 

“What’d he get?” Your mom asked while you got up and took the slip from your new found long lost uncles hand. “Skeleton key and a love potion.” You said looking back up at her. “He didn’t use a love potion on me.” You said to your mom. 

“Oh this is the boyfriend? Wow family drama must be fun on facebook!” Sardo said sitting down. “He had the book of shadows though. How’d he get it?” You asked as you put the slip back. “He broke in and stole it on monday night.” He exclaimed.

“It was in a life or death situation, i think that’s excusable.” You reasoned. Sardo shook his head, “That book brings nothing but trouble and even more darkness into the world every time you open it. It’s a book of shadows. Its dark magic. Not white magic.” He announced with a dissatisfied look on his face

“And you all want me to learn this? I’m not being sold on it.” You said sitting back in your seat. “There’s more than dark magic. There light magic, green magic, crystal magic and so on. Every practitioner chooses between the dark path and the light path.” Sardo explained as he stood up to grab a grimoire. 

“What path will help me save my friends? Is there a path for that, cause i want that path.” You said as your mom rubbed your shoulder. “You don’t choose a path, the path chooses you.” Sardo explained pushing the grimoire close.

“What if dark magic chooses me?” You voiced, silence washed over the room. “Why do you want to save your friends?” You were taken aback, why? “Wouldn’t it be easier to let them all just be claimed? Throw in the towel, make new friends.” 

“No!” You bellowed. “That’s not right, there’s always a way and when there’s love there’s light.” You explained. Your mom smiled at your answer. “If that’s how you feel. Dark magic won’t choose you.” 

By the time you’d left the magic shop it was late and Gabby wasn’t answering her phone. You’d given an update about what had happen. 

It was starting to make sense, not perfect sense, not just yet.

On Friday the glow dance had rolled around, what also rolled around was a stomach virus that had cause Carrie and Kayla to miss school and not be able to attend the dance. Gabby hadn’t been in class so you assumed she was also out with the stomach virus. Hanna met up with you during lunch letting you know what happened the night before. She tells you that Luke’s returning the book of shadows after school and everything should be back to normal now. Oh how wrong she was. 

You weren’t able to see Connor after school, you had a shift and then were going to get ready for the dance. Gabby texted you that he was feeling up to going so you’d see him there. An hour into the dance and you ended up wandering the halls. You had felt this pit in your stomach and needed air. 

But once you went into the hallway the pit just grew larger and larger. “Hey stranger.” Your eye evil bracelet burned and blinded. You looked up from your wrist and turned around. “Connor?” You asked. There was a screaming voice in your head. It felt wrong. “Who else?” He asked coming closer. You saw a light shine through a classroom and walked backwards towards it. Once the light enveloped you and Connor still stayed back. His sleeves were rolled up and his wrists were bare. The real Connor wears a rainbow bracelet you made him. 

“The shadow man perhaps?” You suggested, the smirk on “Connors” face dropped. You inched closer to the switch that controlled the hallway lights and switched it on, when the lights were on “Connor” was gone. 

You started to go towards the gym seeing your friends on stage with Sardo and “Connor” in the crowd knowing a rescue mission was already in place. All you could do was stand there and wait. Within ten minutes, the shadow man had out smarted your friends and Jai sacrificed himself to save the group. 

On Saturday you were completely left out of the loop. You heard nothing. Gabby wasn’t answering. Hanna wasn’t answering. You feared the worse and could do nothing to save your friends. That what Sardo said earlier was going to come true. You still had that pit in your stomach. You were reading your grimoires but it felt useless, why study if right here and right now. The people you care about most are disappearing through your finger tips. 

On Saturday night your parents brought you upstairs and put your to bed, but you stayed restless with worry. You stared at the ceiling and walls of your bedroom before at some point your mind gave up and lulled you to a nightmare filled sleep. Losing Gabby, Losing Hanna, Losing Jai, Losing Luke. Losing Connor. Like a broken tape it looped over and over and over. 

It all fell apart right in front of you.

On Sunday morning Kayla and Carrie had recovered from their stomach flu. Your mom invited them over in an effort to distract and cheer you up. You told them everything. Life’s too short to keep secrets from your best friends. Especially when you don’t know how long you have left with them. 

Suddenly it was Friday again and you were at your shift at the book store again. You pulled your phone out to text Carrie and Kayla. They both responded with the same texts they did on the Friday of the glow dance. “What the actual fuck.” You muttered. The door rung several times signaling a mass group of people walked in. 

The midnight society had just seen that Sardo was alive and remembered that you work Friday shifts. Which caused them to practically sprint to see you, Connor leading. When your friends all walked through the door you stopped in your tracks. “Seen a ghost?” Gabby said with a smile. “i hate you all i hate your children and your childrens children.” You said rushing to hug her. 

“Hear that Connor?” Luke said causing his friend to hit him upset the head. “That’s a two way road.” You said hugging Hanna. Then Luke, Jai and Seth. Then there was Connor. 

“I’m gonna go take a nap, really tired see you guys later.” Gabby said excusing herself. “Same honestly, later.” Hanna said leaving with Seth. “I’m just going to go.” Luke said dragging Jai with him. You laughed at your friends. 

“I’m scared that if i walk any closer you’ll disappear like last time.” You said looking at him. He walked towards you. Grabbed your hand and placing it on his heart. “This real enough for you?” He said leaning his forehead against yours. You smiled. Noticing the blinded evil eye he smiled, “So that worked.”

 His head moved to rest on top of yours and you wrapped your arms around his torso. “Legally, you’re obligated to stay like this for at least twenty minutes.” You laughed moving your head into the crook of his neck. “I’m okay with that.”

“I didn’t mean breaking up with you, i just didn’t know what happened when he took you and couldn’t let that happened to you.” He said slightly holding you closer. “I understand. Just never do it again.” You said to him, he laugh and nodded. 

“So the glow dance?” You pulled away because your shift was starting to end. “You’re up for that?” You said as you started putting stray books in the resort bins. “I’m always up for a good time.” He said sitting on the front counter. You nodded, “Pick me up at 7.” 

“What about your parents?” He questioned. “A lot happened when you were gone.” You said starting to rant to your boyfriend. 

it rebuilt it self.

[concentrateandpush]

Who's the Daddy?

-WARNING- 

This story mentions abortion.

So, it all started about 8 weeks ago.. I went out with the girls, it was such a good night and I saw a guy I used to date, Tyler. We were together when we were younger and I fell pregnant, he didn't want the baby, I did but he won and I got rid of it. After that, he couldn’t look at me because of the guilt he felt for forcing me to abort my own baby.

He looks older, he feels like a man now and not like the boy I used to know. "Hey, Cassie May" he says softly, touching my right arm. "Tyler Jay.. how are you? It's been.. a long time" I smiled at him. The girls in my peripheral vision are shaking their heads and I can see Emmy mouthing "Don’t even think about it". One drink, two drinks, three drinks and I'm back at his.

His room looks way more grown up, he has a double bed now.. where's the movie posters gone Tyler? Back to the future was his favourite. I know what he wants, if I'm honest, I cant even remember if we had good sex and I've had sex with way too many men to remember our sex. But I remember the phrases he would use, the words he would initiate with and that he liked my birthmark on my right upper thigh.

"You okay with this?" He asks as he removes my dress, I nod, he pulls my tights off and starts kissing my thighs. His body feels new, like a guy I've never slept with, I'm not familiar at all and I'm not sure if he is. He climbs up and starts to kiss me, he used to taste like orange tic tacs but he doesn’t now. As I feel his tongue on mine, I feel him inside me, he's big and he knows what he's doing. He thrusts deeper and harder the more we go along and circles my areolas with his thumbs.

It lasts a long time, I climax no less that 3 times and then he makes that face, this is the moment I remember him, that deviant look in his eye as he injects me with his sperm again causing my body to shake with anxiety remembering that the last time he did this, the time he implanted his young and made me kill it. "Get off" I scream at him, he looks scared, like he just did something he shouldn't have. "You said it was okay?" He bites quickly and reaches for my arm. "Don’t touch me" I shout as I run to the corner of the room, what am I doing? I knew what was going to happen, I knew he would want sex.

I call Emmy and it's like shes been expecting the call "Em, please come and get me, I'm at Tyler’s" I say as I dress myself before running down the stairs. "Cassie" he shouts after me "Cassie, we didn’t have to do that, it was okay if you just wanted to hang out" he says softly. "Tyler, it's not you, I wanted you to do that, I just.. I didn't expect to freak out, it's the.. the last time you had sex.." I try to explain but I cant bring myself to say it.

"I know" he says softly "I know I was hard on you, and I mean.. it turned out okay didn’t it? I mean we would have a 10 year old, were only 24 Cassie" he adds. I feel my body wanting to throw up, is he trying to justify what I did? Is he trying to say what he did was right. I just look at him, staring.. wondering what our child would have looked like.. and then there she is, Emmy hoots her horn, she's outside.

She lectured me the entire way home, "You know what he made you do, against your will".. "He took a choice from you that was yours".. amongst a million "I told you so's". Neither of us quite knew where this was all going to go, until now, 8 weeks later.

I don’t know why I'm doing this test, I know I'm pregnant. I feel nauseous, bloated, my boobs hurt and my period? What period? Why, out of every guy I've slept with, is it him who gets me pregnant.. twice. There it is, two little lines, two pink lines.. what the fuck am I meant to do now. "Cassie? Cassie?! What are you doing? You've been in there ages.. CASSIE?" My brother shouts.

"Um two minutes" I shout.. my brother, Joe, and I are close, he hates Tyler. He's going to kill me. I put the test in my back pocket, open the door and run over to my room. "She's feisty today" he laughs and then realises I'm crying. I'm lying in my bed, facing the wall and I hear him come in softly. "What is it Cas?" He strokes my hair and says "It doesn't matter what it is, you can tell me".

"I did it again" I say, softly. "Did what? Cas, what are you on about?" He asks. He is so patient, we've always been so close, he has always been my biggest fan. "I went out with the girls.. a while ago now and I bumped into Tyler" he nods at me, innocently having no idea what I'm going to say next. "I slept with him" I say, quickly. "He's such a dick Cas, I dont know why you.. why are you telling me this now?" I watch the cogs turn in his mind and his face turns green "You're not.. are you?" he says softly and I nod in response.

"You're so fucking stupid Cas, you know how horrible he was last time, you know you're worth way more than he offers you.. Cassie, you-", I cut him off, "I know all this, Joe.. I know" I say laying on my bed holding my stomach. "You're keeping it" he snaps "There is no way you're getting rid of it, I saw how much it damaged you before, you were a shell of a girl for years." I nod "Yeah I-" he stops me and says "No excuses Cas.. wait, what?". "I'm keeping this baby Joe, I'm not telling him, I know he wont want it, it's my choice, he doesn’t need to know" I say as I rub my stomach. "Oh, Cas" he says tearfully as he holds me letting me nuzzle in to his neck.

Now my brother knows.. there's only one other person I need to tell.. Emmy, my stomach is in knots, I call her and tell her to come over. She walks in with a McDonalds "You on? You sound all hormonal and stuff" she says as she throws the bag at me, how does she even know? "Emmy" I say seriously knowing it’ll make her listen. I reach into my hoodie pocket and hand her the test, she takes it off me and it takes a moment to process.. "No.. you're, you're pregnant?" she cries. "I'm pregnant" I cry with her.

"When did you find out?" She asks, "literally 15 minutes before I called you" I laugh. "Who's the dad Cassie?" She asks, then the penny drops "Not Tyler, anyone but Tyler..". I sit there and just shake my head crying, I don’t want it to be Tyler's, why couldn't it be anyone, literally anyone else’s. "I'm not telling him" I say firmly, "Too fucking right you aren’t telling him" she says in response.

The days have gone super fast and it's my 12 week scan today, I'm so excited, Emmy is coming too. I reach the hospital and wait in the waiting room for what feels like an eternity. "Cassie Rovers?" I hear my name on the tanoy. Oh God, that's me, Emmy gets up and walks over but I feel overwhelmed, everything has built up to this, I'm so ready but my body isn’t moving. Next thing you know I have a nurse kneeling at my lap and Emmy holding my hand "Count all the red things you can see", "Breathe with me", "In and out Cassie".. panic attacks, the bane of my life.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, it's an overwhelming experience, seeing your baby for the first time" the nurse says. I watch her spread the cold gel on my tiny bump and look around in there. "Here’s your baby" she smiles as she turns the screen to me "Do you want to know the sex?" She asks, I look at Emmy and she nods. "Yes please" I say eagerly. "Its a little girl" the nurse tells me smiling as I cry with my eyes shut and I feel Emmy hold my tight, crying herself.

I'm 32 weeks gone, baby is amazing, she kicks me every second of the day, which is getting painful the more she grows. Emmy moved in with us, her and Dave broke up and she stayed at mine most of the time, she has offered to help with baby until she finds somewhere. I'm currently lying in bed, I have to pick up the pram and crib today, I cant wait to get the nursery together now. I'm lucky my parents have such a huge house, I am blessed to not worry about money through this.

I feel like an invalid not being able to carry things, luckily Joe is home today so he can perform uncle duties and go to fetch the pram and crib for me. I need to grab some groceries when were out.. well, nutella.

People are so different, as I walk through this supermarket, people treat me so weirdly because of the bump. Fuck, its him, I haven't spoken to Tyler since I ran out of his apartment that night. Fuck. Fuck. "Hey Cassie May" he taps me from behind, I turn around and see him look down at my huge bump, he's with a girl.. "Hey, Tyler" I smile awkwardly looking at the girl with him "This is Amber.. my girlfriend" he says reluctantly as he looks at my belly.

I smile and wait for him to form conversation.. I know what's going through his head. "Ah when are you due?" Amber asks, she seems nice. "8 weeks left" I say smiling at her. "Ah we’ve just found out, I'm due in November" Amber says smiling at me. I don’t know how to handle this, how can I be okay with the fact that I'm also carrying his baby. not only that but he's happy with her keeping her baby, but made me.. I suppose he might have changed. I start hyperventilating, trying to gather myself and steady myself with he cart, everything is jumping out at me, I cant get my breathing right "Cassie?!" I see Emmy run for me before I collapse.

I come around on the floor of the store. "Cassie? Cassie are you okay?" Tyler asks, why is he still here?. "Yeah, I'm okay, did I fall?" I ask rubbing my bump protectively. "No I caught you" he says. "You've done enough damage, go on, leave" Emmy says angrily. "What have I done?" Tyler asks, both of them leaning over me at this point. Tyler looks at my bump, at me and then at Emmy and back to my bump. I don’t know what to say because, poor Amber is stood here newly pregnant and happy, I could keep it to myself.

"Am I missing something?" Amber asks as Emmy helps me off the floor, with difficulty. "No.. we should go" Tyler says as he pulls her away looking back at me.

It's later that night,  3AM, Emmy is sleeping, Joe is sleeping and Mom and Dad are out, drinking. I hear my phone buzz, "Come to the meeting point".. I know its Tyler instantly, we used to meet behind the garage in my garden, I look out and see him stood there, he looks drunk. I walk down the stairs cradling my baby bump in my dressing gown and out the garden causing the stone patio to make a noise and the garden lights to come on.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him anxiously. "Is it mine?" He asks, showing no emotion what so ever, I look down, I don’t know if I even want to tell him. "It is, isn’t it?" He says aggressively "Now everything in my life is coming together, you have to fuck it up for me" he rants. I turn around and begin to walk up to the house again, trying my best not to cry in front of him. "Fucking tell me" he shouts pulling me around to him. "Yes, she's yours, I don’t want you involved, you caused enough trouble last time" I say angrily as I storm up the path.

I notice he's gone quiet, no noise at all and I look up and the door that's a few foot in front of me. "I'll fucking do it" he shouts, I turn around and he's holding a gun to his head. "Tyler, put the gun down" I say walking towards him slowly, "You don’t want to do that" I say holding my hand out. "No, maybe you're right, maybe this bullet needs to go through someone else" he turns the gun on me and I start to panic. My hands start to shake and my legs go to jelly, I hold my belly and crouch down as far as I can "Please, Tyler, I will never tell her about you, I'll never tell Amber about this" I beg. "Shut up" he shouts kicking my foot as he cries. "Cassie? CASSIE" I hear my dad shout and run down the garden throwing himself on Tyler and then a gun shot sounds.

I’m crouched on the floor, hyperventilating and trying my best to move but I’m stiff. I hear my Mom run down shouting my Dads name and in no time, Joe and Emmy run down the stairs. Joe quickly runs in and takes the gun from Tyler and flips Dad over who is covered in blood. "Dad?! DAD" I shout as I pull myself over to him "I'm okay, I'm okay" he says as he pulls himself from Tyler as he still sobs on the floor. "My arm, that's all" he says as he stands up and I'm left on the floor looking at Tyler.

"You never come near me or my daughter, ever again" I tell him sternly as he stands. "Our daughter" he says before spitting on me and I just sit there crying. "Fuck" I moan, "Can you help me up?" I say to Emmy as she pulls my round, sore body from the grass. "I need to wash" I say walking up to the house, the ambulance already outside for my dad. "Cas" Emmy shouts to me, trying to check that I’m alright.  "Not now, Em" I shout back walking in to the house. I get in the bathroom and lock myself in, crying out loud alone as I lean against the bath.

Two weeks has passed since that night. I'm okay, it's just so hard knowing this baby that I love so much, is his, yet he wanted to kill me. "Not long now" I say smiling as I rub my underbelly. I've been having Braxton hicks all night, they don’t seem to go when I'm moving.. but it's too early for labor. My stomach cramps up as I move positions, god, if Braxton hicks are this bad imagine labor. It's so intense, I breathe it out slowly with my eyes shut and I hear Emmy barge through the door.

"OMG what's happening?" She shouts as she sits on the bed next to me rubbing my bump "Lean on me, I'm right here I'm not going anywhere" she says softly as I nuzzle into her. Its stopped thank god. "It stopped" I sigh with relief. "What's happening" she demands. "Its okay, it's too early for labor, I'm only 34 weeks, and it's my first time, she's not coming yet" I say calmly as she looks at my seriously. "I think it's worth checking" she says before calling my midwife and asking her over.

She turns up around 10 minutes later, I made the choice to get the closest midwife to me. Once she’s in my room, I nervously pull my panties off and spread my legs. The check doesn’t hurt, but it’s certainly uncomfortable. "Baby is doing good and should be here today or tomorrow" the midwife smiles checking me over. "She cant be, I'm 6 weeks early" I say. "Sometimes we get things wrong, baby has measured large every scan so it's possible that you were further ahead than we said" she says and I look at Emmy panicked. "I'm going to head off, give me a call when things come together" she smiles and takes her bag out to the car driving off.

I lay on my bed for a few minutes before speaking, I look at Emmy and she hasn’t realised what this means. "Emmy, if I'm full term.. you understand what this means?" I ask as she smiles "yeah the baby's coming we get to meet her earlier". I shake my head "Emmy, its not Tyler’s" I say softly. Emmy goes nuts, shouting and screaming that I should have "worked it out sooner". "Who's is it?" She asks curiously. I cant concentrate on working this out with the pain I'm in, I lean my head back and breathe through the contraction taking deep breaths. I don’t know what’s more unsettling, the pain, the fact that I have no idea who the father is or that Emmy looks like she’s about to pass out seeing my wriggle in pain. 

Once the contraction stops, I look back at my calendar working out people and parties.. its Simon's. Simon is a guy I went to uni with, he is so beautiful and kind, truly a gentleman. "I cant call him Em, I cant call someone I haven't spoken to since a drunk night out" I remember the night. "Simon asked me out, I told him I don’t date.. I woke up in his and he had made me breakfast. I didn’t speak to him after that, but he really is lovely.. I guess I was scared about how I felt for him. Hes been through so much. I love him to bits" I say softly. "You never said that about Tyler" Emmy says "not even as a throwaway comment.. maybe you should call him".

I pick up my phone and scroll through my contacts, Simon.. call. He picks up after the first ring. "Hey Simon, can we talk? I.. I'm so sorry that I have to tell you like this but I-I'm having a baby, like right now.. and it’s yours but if you don’t-, yeah, of course, its 143 Dreadwood Lane. See you in a minute". He's coming over.. how is he so nice.. "He's coming" I say to Emmy as she smiles.

The contractions are a lot harder to cope with, I'm having to squat, it's the only relief I can get. I hear the door and then Emmy talking his ears off. Is this really the first way I'll see him in all this time? I'm currently on all fours, in a baggy jumper and shorts, panting, sweating and trying not to scream. "Hey" he says, stood in the door holding a bunch of flowers looking down at me. He puts them on the side and kneels next to me putting his hand on my back, "Here, this should help" he says as he rubs my lower back. It does help, so much.

"I did a bit of googling on my way over" he laughs "Emmy said the contractions are close" he smiles. I nod "7 minutes apart". At this point everyone is in and out of my bedroom, Mom, Dad, Emmy, Joe and now Simon. But, Simon stays with me until this contraction ends. "I'm so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, if I'm being honest, I thought it was someone else’s. I thought I was 32 weeks but according to my midwife, I'm 41 weeks, making me overdue" I tell him. "Its okay, I'm sorry for the other guy, it must have been awful for him when he found out it wasn’t his baby" he says sincerely. "You have no idea.." I laugh.

"I'll always be here, I'll be a good Dad" he says. I look at him and smile "I know.. I know you will" I say softly. I don’t know if it's the hormones or just him but he is so attractive, I look at his brown eyes and his perfectly shaped lips. He leans forward and tucks my hair behind my ear. I see him moving in closer again and kissing me passionately. "Oh my god" Emmy shouts as she walks in, seeing me on top of Simon kissing him, she runs out and shuts the door and myself and Simon laugh.

A few hours pass, Simon's in the kitchen and Emmy comes in to the bedroom, the contractions are 5 minutes apart, my waters are still intact. "You dirty slag" Emmy says laughing at me and I laugh. "Your dad just told him about Tyler" she says. I nod at her and rub my bump leaning my head back feeling another contraction coming. "You're okay, breathe it through" she says softly brushing my hair from my face. "Its all in my back" I moan out as I breathe, Simon walks past the door and sees that I'm in pain and comes in to rub my back "That's it Cassie, good job" he says softly as I labor on my back, spreading my legs to ease the pressure. The contractions ends soon and I know I just need a second with the baby, nobody else. 

"Can I have some time alone?" I ask Emmy and Simon, "if I need you I can call you back" I smile. I lay back and talk to baby as I rub my sore and swollen tummy. "Now, I need you to be super strong for me through this. I love you so much already and cant wait to meet you. I'm sorry I've not been the best through this pregnancy but I'm going to look after you forever and always" I say softly.

"So.. how come you're such a nice guy?" Emmy asks Simon. "What do you mean?" He replies, laughing a little. "Not many guys would hear that they're about to have a baby and actually turn up.. especially with flowers" she says bluntly. "Cassie hasn’t told you about us has she?" He says laughing as Emmy looks furious, clearly thinking I’ve withheld juicy information. "Nothing like that" he chuckles "My Mom.. she died when we were in uni, Cassie came back with me after a night out and my Mom had fallen, she had cancer and was pretty fragile. Cassie spent the night talking with her, stroking her hair, making her tea and doing crosswords. The next morning, I told my Mom that I'd marry Cassie even if it took the rest of my life, she said 'I'll do what I can from my side' and then she passed away". "That's beautiful and I’m sorry about your Mom, she would be so proud of you" Emmy says as she hugs Simon "Thank you for being here, she deserves someone like you, she's been through a lot".

I carry on talking to baby, just whispering and slowly rubbing small circles around my tummy. It gets pretty intense and I lean back against the headboard as I get over a contraction, as I move back I hear a pop and feel a gush between my legs. "Guys" I shout "GUYS" I shout even louder with a slight moan. Simon runs in first, Emmy to follow and then my Mom, Dad and Joe. "Okay, my waters have broke, I need someone to call my midwife, someone to take me to the hospital and I need my bag" I order, almost like my maternal instincts took over and I felt okay to dictate what happened. "I want Simon and Emmy with me when I go to the hospital" I say hoping I won’t offend my parents and Joe.

The journey to the hospital was fast and my contractions are on top of each other now. Before we get out of the car, I tell my birthing partners "Right, I'm doing this as naturally as possible okay? No epidurals, nothing foreign goes inside my body" Emmy nods and Simon salutes me "Yes boss" he smiles at me before picking me up with ease and carrying me into the hospital. The midwife meets us and takes us to the room, luckily, thanks to private healthcare, I get a birthing suite. "Okay sweetheart, here's your gown, get comfortable, I'm just going to get my stuff and I'll be back".

As she leaves I get a contraction and it cramps my entire body, Simon is still holding me at this point and I turn to him and shout "don’t you dare put me down" as I moan and scream through the pain. It's almost constant, now, the contractions, they’re one on top of the other. Eventually it dies down and Emmy undresses me and helps me into my gown when Simon turns on the pool. "You're going to end up with this guy, he's definitely interested" she smiles as I try to catch my breath and mutter "I think I need to push".

"Right, let's have a look" the midwife says as I get in the water "this is going to sting" she says as she pushes her fingers up to my cervix. "You're an 8 lovely, not long now" she says softly. "I need to push now" I say sternly. "Is there a lot of pressure?" She asks. I nod and feel another contraction coming. "No pushing okay, just hold on a little while longer" she says, I snap back "I cant do this, there’s way too much pressure, I need to get it out, its freaking me -" I rant and Emmy stops me. "Cassie, baby isn’t quite ready, yeah? Just hold on and when shes ready, you can push, you don’t want to hurt her do you" she says calmly, she knows I’d kill myself before hurting baby. I shake my head and close my legs, tightly, my face turning red as I hold my need to push in.

I labor for 45 minutes more before the midwife comes back. "Can you please check me? I must be ready by now?" I ask her softly knowing how rude I was earlier. She puts her fingers in and smiles "good things come to those who wait, baby is ready when you are" she smiles. "When you get another contraction, you can push okay, so tell me when you get one" she says softly.

"It.. It's coming" I say gently as I grab the back of my knees and open my legs as wide as I can. "Feel my fingers? I need you to push against them" she says "big breath and bare down" she says softly. I pull my legs harder and push down hard, I'm already struggling and it's the first push. "Good girl, and again". I push and hold it a little longer, letting go and spluttering as I pant, moaning away the breath I had held. 

I’m clearly focusing hard, but I start to get irritated by the water "Get me out" I say sternly "I don’t want to push in the water" I say before Emmy supports me out of the pool and over to the bed. It's much more comfortable and I feel more in control. "I need rope, to pull" I say to the midwife as she pulls a rope out and attaches it to the bars of the bed. I put my feet against the foot bar and pull on the rope as I push as hard as I can "hnnnng! Ungggghh" I moan as I see Simon smile at me "You're doing it Cassie".

I pull at the rope again pushing as much as I can, the midwife coaching me "harder, love, you need to push harder". "You've got this Cas" Emmy says softly as she watches baby forming inside the bulge between my legs. "Fuck it hurts so bad" I shout as I hold my opening tight and realise how much progress I've made. "Come on little girl, come out for Mommy" I moan. straining as I feel myself and how close she is. "That's it, talk to your baby" the midwife says.

I turn and notice Simon crying quietly and I put my hand out to him and he holds it gently "it's a little girl?" He says softly and I nod smiling, wiping the sweat off my forehead. "Push here, where my fingers are" the midwife shouts and I bare down pushing as hard as I can. "You're crowning Cas" Emmy shouts happily. "One big push now and her head will be out" the midwife says. "Come on, you can do it Cass, push" Simon says, excited to get her out.

"Okay, let's get you squatting over here, it should open you up nicely and let your body do some of the work for you" the midwife says as I waddle to the squatting stool, wary of her head that's nearly out between my legs. I sit on the stool and push as I squat "OOWWW". "That's her head" the midwife smiles "reach down and feel your baby" she says guiding my hand down. I laugh and take Simon's hand to her head, I notice his eyes fill with tears and I smile a little “What colour’s her hair?” I ask him and he smiles “Blonde, just like yours”.

"Not long now dear" the nurse says as she massages my upper abdomen "just a couple more pushes" she adds. I give a big push and moan out "Gahhh" as I feel the shoulders push down on me. "I need to get on my back" I say as I slide off the stool, onto my knees and then lay back on the floor opening my legs up "Si, hold this leg, Em, this one". The midwife follows my lead and comes between my legs. "That's it, listen to your body and push for me" she says as I bare down hard. "Long and strong dear" she says as I push and push and push.

"Shoulders are here, keep going, harder, that's it, come on, there we go" she pulls baby from me and places her on my chest as she cries the sweetest little cry. I pant out of breath and feel my new born’s heart beat right next to mine. "Hello little one, I've waited so long for you" I smile as I hold her little hand. I stroke her back gently as the midwife tends to the afterbirth and before long she helps me over to the bed to lay down with baby. 

"That was the most badass thing I've ever seen" Emmy says crying. I turn to Simon, who's in tears at this point and he sits next to me on the bed. "Want to hold your daughter?" I smile as he takes her with out a second thought to his chest. "She's got your eyes" I say to him smiling as I stroke her head. "She had your nose" he laughs. "What are you going to name her?" Emmy asks. I feel there is only one name right for her, Simon's Moms name. "Angela" I say softly "we're calling her Angela" I smile at Simon as he pulls me tight to him kissing my forehead. "She would love her so much" he says sweetly.

[shannygoatgruff]

Talk to Me

Stay Safe, Stay Home Writing Challenge - Prompt #16 (Call me if you need anything)

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Modern Ivar x OC

Warning: Language, sexual innuendo, insecurity

Rating: M

Chapter 1 || Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Sitting in Terminal 19, Ivar wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through this entire vacation without killing Hvitserk. 

From the car to their current spot, they argued, non-stop. First, Ivar didn’t want Hvitserk's with his leg braces through airport security. Then, they argued because Hvitserk wanted Ivar to use a wheelchair because it was faster. But, Ivar didn’t want to use a wheelchair; he could walk. He had his braces had brought both of his forearm crutches. It would take him a bit longer, but he could get to the terminal on his own. After calling Ivar a spoiled dick-wad, Hvitserk then insisted that they use the airport shuttle service to get to the terminal. He thought it was only fair since he was the one that had to lug around their carry-on bags. Ivar just called Hvitserk a lazy asshole as he listened to his brother curse at him as they walked to the terminal. 

As soon as they sat down Hvitserk wanted to get food. All Ivar did was ask why they didn’t stop on their way to the terminal? He was hungry, too, but now he was tired and needed to rest. This particular disagreement turned into an actual slap boxing match where Hvitserk got the last sucker punch in on Ivar’s bicep and ran away from where they were sitting.

Telling his older brother that he wished he'd get herpes, Ivar pulled out his vibrating phone. “Hallo, for Ivar.”

Just hearing his deep, yet gentle voice with that Norse accent, did something to her every time. She couldn’t tell Norweigan from Swedish from Icelandic from Dutch – it was all Scandinavian to her. The accent was just sexy as hell. “Hey.” Cash bit her lip, as she folded her legs under her on the floor at the Munich International Airport. “I made it to Munich. My next flight leaves in 2 hours.”  

“I’m sorry,” Ivar put his hand over his phone and spoke in Norweigan to Hvitserk before drawing back his fist in order to hit his brother if he didn’t get away from him. “Did you have a good flight?” He was relieved that she did. “I just made it to the airport. My flight is leaving in about 1 hour. It should take me about 2 hour, 20 minutes to reach Vienna.”   

“So, we’re going to see each other in a few hours, huh?” Cash could feel her stomach drop at the thought. Part of her wanted to go up to that ticket counter and change her return flight ticket. She wanted to hop on the first thing heading back to Baltimore. But another part of her, the part that wanted to see if this thing, whatever it was, could really be something.  

Ubbe is right. I have to tell her.  “Yeah, just a few hours. Do you know what time you want to meet tonight? Our hotels are just a few streets away.”  

“Um, I don’t have any idea how long it will take me to get through Customs when I get to Vienna.” She picked at the lent on her PINK sweatpants and thought. “Plus, I’ve been traveling overnight and haven’t slept at all. I’m exhausted – I may try to take a quick nap.”

“Okay.” Ivar was a little disappointed because he wanted to see her right away, but it at least bought him a little time. “But, you know if you sleep when you get in, you will never adjust to the local time. It is best to stay awake through it all. Besides, I make a really comfy pillow.” He held his breath for a second, trying to find the words to tell her about his condition. Instead, different words came tumbling out of his mouth, “I cannot wait to see your face.”

She chuckled nervously at that statement. Oh, that. Did he have to bring that up again? The last time they talked about exchanging photos, she ended up sending him a bunch of avatars. It wasn’t that she was afraid to show him what she looked like, but what if her mother was right and he ended up being some sort of homicidal maniac? She didn’t want to give him a photo to post on the wall of his creepy den of debauchery to jerk off to.  

What if he didn't like the things about her that she was already insecure about? She was short – only 5’3” and skinny. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t gain weight where it counted. She wasn’t sure what happened but the chests, hips, and butts that all of the women on her mother’s side of the family were blessed with, those genes skipped her completely. Her neck was too thin and it made her head look big. And though she loved her curly hair, it was big, too. Not that easily tamed curly hair that looked good on commercials, either. We’re talking totally unruly big curls on a short, skinny girl, with a big head, big curly hair. 

There were probably only like 3 black people in all of Norway, to begin with. What if Ivar didn’t appreciate all of her melanin? She was sure he knew she was black from her avatar, but they had never really talked about their races or ethnicities before. “I still don’t know what you look either. But, I think it makes meeting a complete stranger in a different country much more romantic when you don’t know who you’re looking for, don’t you?”

Over the last six months, he had been the one reluctantly to video chat with her. He was so afraid that she would see his braces or crutches. It was just better if they kept it to calls and messages. Plus, there was something really exciting about getting to know her and having her like him without the pity. God knows he had enough pity dates courtesy of his older brothers. “Not so much for me. I’m thinking, maybe we should exchange photos now.” He looked over his shoulder to make sure Hvitserk wasn’t nearby. “I want to look at you while I am on the plane.” 

This was only ever supposed to be an online friendship. All Cash did was reply to a comment he’d left on a YouTube vlog they both subscribed to. Somehow that turned into them emailing and chatting. Then that turned into texting and talking on the phone, and late nights and giggling in the dark. The next thing she knew, six months later, she was flying to Vienna to meet him. “Does it make sense that I’m nervous for you to see me?”

 “Why? I already think you are beautiful.” He said quietly.

Oh lord, I’m gonna fuck this boy.  She rubbed her brows and shook her head at the thought. Cash had tried so hard not to get caught up, but there was such sincerity in his voice. “Okay. I’m going to send you three pictures. No matter what you think, don’t say anything. That way, if I’m not your type, then there are no hard feelings. We can just have a great time and hang out as friends.”

“You know that is not going to happen. You are so much more than my friend." He hoped he could still be this smooth in person, "But, I’ll play along. I will send you some pictures too and you will not comment, either.”

“Okay, I’ll call you back in a few minutes. I have to look through my phone to find somewhere I don’t look crazy.”  

It took Ivar about 30 seconds to choose the pictures to send to her. Most of them were from the chest up or showed him sitting, so he was pretty confident that she wouldn't notice his affliction. He hit the send button and anxiously awaited her pictures in return.

When her phone pinged she closed her eyes. Did she want to open them?  Okay, he is not going to look like Eric Northman, so don’t be disappointed.  Why she had it in her mind that he was going to be some 6’6” blond vampire-Adonis like Alexander Skarsgård, was beyond her. 

But, didn’t all Scandinavian men have that look to them? Sexy, long, lanky, blonds, with sad blue eyes that were slightly darker around the sockets and looked like they moonlighted as vampires. That’s what secretly hoped that Ivar looked like. A sexy blond vampire – she could be Tara and he could Eric…Girl, get yourself together. This is not True Blood.  She shouldn’t have binge-watched the show on her flight.

When she opened her eyes, her breath caught in her throat. He didn’t look like Alexander Skarsgård, but this tasty morsel here… 

Wait, what was she thinking? The only thing she could think to do was forward the pictures to her bestie, Glenn, with the following message:

Biiiiitch...Call Catfish immediately!  This can’t be Ivar!!!!!

She didn’t care that it was 4am back home.  This was an emergency.

 As she waited for Glenn to respond, she found herself almost regretting having sent him real pictures of herself. Now he knew what she looked like. If he was catfishing her, he was going to have a field day. But, if he wasn’t, then he was going to be mighty disappointed.  

Their beauty ratios didn’t match. She had this theory on the attractiveness of couples and had broken them down into ratios of beauty: high:high; low:low; high:low; equally yoked. The only couples that could stand the test of time were those that were equally yoked. 

Two extremely beautiful people were destined to fail, (ie. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.) One would think that Nick & Priyanka Jonas would have taken the hint from their former beautiful couple predecessors. Cash gave them a good 10 years before they would crash and burn. They were just too pretty. Mirrors were destined to turn themselves inside out when they walked by. The world just wasn’t ready for all that sexy. 

On the flip side of that coin, two extremely unattractive people wouldn’t last long, either. Take her cousin Maq and his wife Crystal, for example. One day, they would both wake up and be sickened, because they would take a good look at one another and realize that might doom the world by having a baby. If they had a child with their collective genes, the planets might malign...stars might blink out of existence. It could be the end of the world as Cash knew it.

Then you had the high:low ratio couples. Those were the people where one person was really attractive and the other was, not so much…a la Jay-Z and Beyoncé. Yeah, they made cute kids, but Cash was sure one of them (and she was sure it wasn’t Beyoncé) probably always felt like the ugly duckling in that relationship.

If this was truly Ivar, they weren’t equally yoked. She wasn’t as jaw-droppingly sexy as he was. Granted, she thought she was pretty damn cute, but not like him. She wouldn’t put them on them Jay-Z: Beyoncé scale, but the scales of beauty were slightly tipped in his favor.  

What the fuck was she thinking? Here she had just flown to another continent to meet a guy she didn’t know from Adam, only to be set up by him pretending to be someone else. There was no way on God’s green earth that this sexy specimen of man was the guy she had been talking to for the last six months. If it was, he either had a girlfriend, 2 wives in 3 countries, 35 children, was a sadist, serial killer, drunk, drug addict, or he was on the run from Interpol, or all of the above. Cash’s life didn’t work that way.   

Men like him didn’t happen to her. Not without all the fine print. 

When Ivar’s phone chimed, he couldn’t hit the icon fast enough to see the photos Cash had sent him. He had wondered for so long what she looked like, no matter what it was she was going to be beautiful. He was sure of it. Even if Hvitserk liked to joke that she was probably looked like Floki in drag.

“What is that dumb look on your face?” Hvitserk handed Ivar his sandwich wrap and coffee, before sitting down to peel back the wrapper on his own food. He eyed his brother suspiciously when he shook his head.

Without making a sound, he snatched the phone out of the younger man’s hand and looked at the screen. “Wow…who is…Is this who you’re going to meet?” Hvitserk’s smile was huge and his chest swelled with pride for his little brother. “Well done,” his voice raising an octave in his approval. He couldn’t resist nudging Ivar with his elbow a few times. “You are finally gonna get laid,” he laughed, taking a big bite of his wrap ignoring the bits of lettuce falling on his lap.

Why was Hvitserk on this trip? More importantly, why couldn’t Ivar have been born an only child? There was no way he was going to get to know Cash better or get any alone time with her with him around. Ivar thought about killing him, but then he would have to explain it to his remaining brothers at home. “I have had sex before, Hvitserk.”

“Yeah, but if you haven’t done it in over 3 years, I think you go back to being a virgin,” Hvitserk responded with a mouth full of food. “I think I read that somewhere.” Hvitserk shook his wrap in Ivar’s direction, as he tried to recall the statistics.  

Hvitserk wasn’t going to go into what Ubbe had told him about Ivar’s ill-fated sex life. Ivar’s confession to Ubbe was supposed to be in confidence. But of course with Ubbe and Hvitserk being best friends, naturally, Ubbe shared their youngest brother’s woes, and then Hvitserk told Björn. So now they all knew about Ivar’s impotence.

Poor Ivar, they’d all thought. They all knew that when he tried to lose his virginity as a teenager, he was too nervous to "rise to the occasion". So, when the moment did finally happen, with his last girlfriend that they all lovingly (hated) referred to as, ‘that stuck up bitch’ Freydis, he was unable to reach a climax. And what did his ever so beautiful and loving (bitch) girlfriend, Freydis, do to try to help him in his situation? She stopped having sex with him, that’s what.  

Ivar had begged Ubbe to take him to the urologist, fearing that his disease was the cause of him not being able to sæd, or whatever the term was for it in English. But, the doctor told him that stress and anxiety were most likely the causes of his impotence and he needed to relax – maybe consider seeing a therapist. But, he wasn’t crazy – he didn’t need a shrink.  

What he needed was to get rid of his mounting case of blue balls that had him on edge 24/7.

Tag list (Please let me know if you want to be added/deleted from tags):

@oddsnendsfanfics @a-mess-of-fandoms​ @waiting4inspiration @simsadventures @chipster-21 @tgrrose @alicedopey @ariesxslytherin  @laketaj24 @we-are-only-halfway-home93 @thelastemzy​ @becacosta27 @naaladareia @alexa4040 @absolutelynotanidiot @pokeasleepingsmaug @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @skadithegoddess @utlra-nina-bella @dina-m16​  @tiyetiye @synnersaint @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @moonlightsspirit @the-jess-life​ @geekandbooknerd​ @dreamlesswonder86 @inforapound @cruelfvckingsummer @mummybear @flowers-in-your-hayr​

[doof-doofblog]

"Shame On You!"

Tuesday 2nd February 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope you're all having a good week so far! I apologise for this post being a bit late, but for the next 2/3 days I'm going to make sure I'm fully up to date! Monday's episode ended on such a high, I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next! But let's not waste anymore time and jump straight into it!

The episode of course finishes off where we left off on Monday, after Max's announcement to the whole Vic that Sharon was blame for Ian's disappearance, everyone is completely stunned by what he's saying. It seems only Linda is sticking up for her friend, whereas Mick just sits in utter silence, listening to everything that's going on around him. When Max reveals the information about Ian locking Dennis in a room on the boat, Dotty acknowledges that what she revealed to Sharon all those months ago actually stuck to her mind! But obviously it was only when Sharon heard the voice message from Dennis herself that it become clear that Dotty was telling the truth.

Whilst all these allegations are flying around the room towards Sharon, she tries her absolute best to stick up for herself, claiming that she loves Ian and that he's her oldest friend, why wouldn't she want him back safe and sound? However she does kind of overstep the mark as she acknowledges that Ian has had breakdowns in the past and has just disappeared without a word to anyone, she mentions he might be having another one? Kathy doesn't take this statement lightly, as Sharon recalls Ian standing on the edge of a bridge once, Kathy lashes out and slaps Sharon right across the face! The locals are completely stunned by her outburst, Kathy states that she believes Sharon is lying and knows exactly where her son is!

Being the strong woman that she is, Sharon stands firm, informing Kathy that she has no idea where Ian has gone, and then she turns to Max, basically stating that the only reason he's accusing her is because he wants to clear Tina's name, for Linda. She claims he thinks that if he can clear Tina's name, Linda would come running back to him, regardless of the fact that Linda is now back with her husband. She also points out the Max has no proof to follow up his allegations. Realising that this is an argument he's not going to win, he storms out of the pub, following Kathy and other local residents. Interestingly, Mick hurries after Max, desperate to find out whether he's telling the truth not. If there's even the slightest chance that they could prove Tina to be innocent, they need to find out what Max knows.

--

Whilst this whole drama is taking place on the Square, behind closed doors, Jay and Honey are waiting for Billy to turn up for an arranged talk and chat between themselves and the children. However, Honey becomes irritated when Billy doesn't show up. She takes it upon herself to explain to both Will and Janet that even though things may seem strange and confusing for them right now, hopefully in time they get used to their Mum's romance with Jay. Jay even takes it upon himself to explain that he would never do anything to hurt them or Billy - I have to say I love how gentle he is with the children, he knows exactly how to speak to them and go to their level for them to understand. He explains that he wants their Mum to be happy just as much as them. Suddenly Billy bursts through the door, without even acknowledging that he's late or even everyone sat at the table waiting for him. He seems to take it out on the children first by stating that they've chosen sides - which I thought was really uncalled for and out of order! Honey states to her ex-husband that there are no sides and they should be able to sit down as adults and talk things through, however Billy doesn't even want to know and announces that he's going to collect his things and move out. Honey knows that she needs to talk to Billy one her own, she asks Jay to take the children out for ice cream. Once they're out of sight, Honey confronts Billy, stating the fact that he needs to learn to accept her relationship with Jay, as far as he's concerned Jay stole Honey from him, but she makes it perfectly clear that she wanted Jay as much as he wanted her, and for the first time in a long time, she's happy! I'm eager to know what you guys think of this current storyline, do you feel sorry for Billy? Or do you actually ship Honey and Jay together? I'm really intrigued to what viewer's opinion is?

--

Elsewhere on the Square, Chelsea is rummaging for a suitcase for her Dad, (unbeknown to Denise). In an attempt to help her daughter, Denise gives her one with a faulty zip, but Chelsea is grateful nonetheless. I did feel this whole section with the Fox/Johnson family was brilliant! Denise states that she's jealous that Chelsea has suddenly decided to fly to Ibiza with a friend at such short notice, especially considering the fact that she's just returned to the Square and come back into her life. Trying to show an interest, Denise questions Chelsea on who the person is that she's going with, however Chelsea shrugs the question off insisting she doesn't know the person. But something obviously doesn't sit right with Denise and asks her daughter again, but when Chelsea can't simply look at her Mother in the eye, Denise clicks on straight away who she's holidaying with. Demanding that she's not going to let her daughter go on holiday with Lucas, Denise storms over to Lucas's apartment. However, after Denise furiously states that Lucas has no right to walk out of prison and convince her daughter to take him to Ibiza, Lucas informs her that he simply can't go because he's not allowed to leave the country. This is where things take an interesting turn as Chelsea still tries to convince her Dad to go, she informs him that she's managed to get things covered for him so he can go on holiday with her. Of course, Denise is devastated, she point out that she hasn't seen her daughter in years and it hurts her that as soon as she's back in her life, she wants to disappear again with her Dad. But then Lucas insists that perhaps Chelsea should take Denise instead, much to her surprise. We can see clearly that Chelsea's plan is beginning to fall apart, as cruel as it sounds she informs her Mum that she simply doesn't want to go on holiday with her, and pleads to her Dad that she wants to spend time with him after everything they've been through and make up for all the lost time they've had. We know that Lucas is aware that his daughter is up to something, but what remains to be seen - he questions whether it's what she really wants. Will he actually agree to go with her? Or will her somehow manage to figure out her plan?!

--

Returning to the main focus of the episode, Sharon decides to take a visit to Phil, informing him that now everyone is going to be thinking that she has something to do with Ian's disappearance, thanks to Max's outburst. It looks as if Sharon is in too deep now and she has no idea how to get out, she realises that it's not just Ian and Kathy she's hurting, but also Mick and Linda. Phil informs her that it was her own decision to kill Ian and states that she should've finished the job before anyone could've asked any questions. Suddenly she gets a call from Tracey, notifying her that the police have turned up at the Vic to question her, Phil informs her to simply keep her mouth shut!

After Max's outburst earlier on, it seems that his words seem to play on Mick's mind. He mentions to Linda what if what Max is saying could be true? What if they can find proof and clear Tina's name? He pleads to wife to go and talk to Max and find out everything he knows, even though he has deep hatred for the man who tried to steal his wife, if there's any chance that Tina could be innocent of attacking Ian, they need information. Linda reluctantly agrees and goes to visit Max, insisting that she's just there for Tina, nothing else. It's then that Max informs his recent flame that Ian was in fact scared of Sharon, after his attack he was convinced that someone was poisoning him and he assisted in taking him to the doctor's for some tests, however the results of those tests were never discovered. He states that there couldn't been no one else other than Sharon who could've poisoned Ian, plus he shares the fact that Sharon lied, informing the Doctor's that Ian couldn't make his appointment because they were going on their honeymoon. Linda at first finds it hard to believe her best mate could betray her in such a way, but after listening to Max's words, something deep inside her tells her that he could be right.

Eventually, she makes her way to the pub, finding Sharon alone after the police had been to interview her. I have to say I found the awkward silence between them really powerful, both of them just simply tidying away empty glasses, not a word between them is spoken for the first few seconds. You can definitely sense the tension! Sharon is the first one to break the silence informing her friend that the police had just been to question her again on Ian's disappearance. Even though she was behind his attack, its fair to say that she really doesn't have any idea where Ian has gone. Linda takes it upon herself to open up to Sharon - I found this touching and yet very interesting, as if she was coaxing Sharon to admit the truth to her - she states that Sharon is the closest thing to sister that she's ever had, she treasures her friendship more than she explain. But softly explains to her friend that the one thing equivalent to her friendship with Sharon is the relationship of her family - gently she questions her best friend whether what Max was saying is true - Is Tina innocent?!

Clearly we can see the tears in Sharon's eyes, it looks as if she too treasures Linda's friendship and she now knows she can no longer hide her secret. She nods slowly, admitting the Tina is innocent of attacking Ian and what everything Max said was true. As she turns to her friend, tears filling her eyes, she begins to explain everything - how she discovered her son's voice message from the night he died on the boat and how it simply ate away at her knowing what Ian did, how unfair it was that her son died and Ian lived. She informs her that Phil was also in on the plan and in fact he was the one who attacked Ian in the first place, whilst she made herself scarce. She tries to appeal to the Mothering side of Linda, insisting that with her being a Mother also, how would she react if it was one of her children? She apologises that Tina got caught in the cross fire and it was never their intention, but she panicked. As tears begin to roll down Sharon's cheeks she questions her friend "What was I to do?"

Whilst Sharon finally confesses the truth, Linda stares at her without saying a single word. For a split moment it looks as if Linda can understand her friend's actions - the Motherly side of it, but to have the blame passed on to her family, betraying Linda's trust and having a member of her own family take the rap for something she didn't do! That's pure betrayal, something possibly Linda may never be able to see past. She shames Sharon, insisting that she's clearly disappointed and devastated with her friend's choices, she leaves the pub leaving Sharon teary.

What does this mean for the Carter family now though? Now they know Tina is innocent, will they be able to find proof to clear her name?! Will Sharon turn herself into the police? I'm really intrigued to what's going to happen next. I have heard some form of rumour that Tina is actually alive?! Of course nothing has been confirmed, but if it turns out to be true, what would that mean for Gray also?! So many secrets could all be blurted out?! Oooo it's exciting to think about! What do you guys think? Please feel free to leave me any messages or comments, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you again for reading, I'll be back again very soon! Love you all xXx

[constantconfusion111]

Etched into your skin - Chapter 2

Here’s the second chapter everyone. Thanks everyone for the likes/reblogs and kind comments, you’re the best! TRIGGER WARNING: Brief mention about past Tharn/San. That relationship is so weird I'd rather tag it in case anyone reading has a hard time with it. This mention is in the first half of the chapter.

AO3 link Link to chapter 1

--------------------

Type Thiwat Phawattakun

That was a boy’s name etched onto his chest. He’s always looked at it upside down, following the curves and loops of each letter with his eyes or a finger. His heartbeat was the strongest just under that patch of skin.

As a child, when he had yet to learn how to read, he’d asked his parents or P’Thorn to read it to him slowly, helping him trace each character as it was pronounced. Type’s name was the first thing he learned how to write and how to read. He knew that name before his own even though, comparatively, Kirigun was way easier to remember.

He used to think Type’s name was actually his. He introduced himself as Type to his teachers at school, signed that name on his homework and tests. Tharn didn’t remember that, his dad liked to remind him whenever he got into one of these nostalgic moods about his children being grown now. What he does remember is naming his childhood plushy ‘Type’. He refused to go anywhere without it, sleeping with it every night, playing with it every day. He still had it on a shelf in his room, unable to throw it away despite its old age.

Tharn liked to listen to people’s stories about their soulmates. Even the simplest ones had something comforting woven into each detail. It made him feel safe, knowing there was someone out there that was just for him to have. That someone was Type.

“Have you ever thought of being with someone that wasn’t your soulmate?”

Tharn raised his eyes from his homework, blinking slowly at Lhong as the question registered in his mind. He hummed pensively, considering carefully.

“I guess… maybe? I’m not too sure...”

He hadn’t ever felt strong feelings for anyone yet, he was barely 14 and so far the only thing that really got his attention was music and his drums. He had started to notice that some boys were… very nice looking. Sometimes, P’San looks at him in a certain way. He used to look at him the same way P’Thorn does. Not so much anymore. Tharn wasn’t too sure what to do with that.

“Well,” Lhong voice startled him out of his reverie. “What if you don’t meet your soulmate till you’re like, 30?”

“That’s far away,” he conceded. Hopefully Type wouldn’t make him wait that long.

“It is! You’re not going to stay alone all this time, right? And when you meet them, you need to know what you’re doing, right?”

Maybe it could be cute to learn with them. Maybe they could be awkward together. Maybe he’ll kiss Type and it’s going to be weird, but they’ll get the hang of it more and more with each new kiss. Maybe Type could be the first and last person to kiss his name. He’ll feel Tharn’s heartbeat against his lips. Maybe he’ll ask Type to retrace the letters, to read it out loud slowly just for him.

“Maybe…”

He ends up in a classroom alone with P’San who takes his first kiss and first time. He can’t say he regrets that Type hadn’t been the one to make him realise bottoming wasn’t for him. It had been strange. He’d rather not dwell on it too much. P’San hadn’t touched his name though, just like he hadn’t dared look too much at the character’s on the boy’s thigh.

Under the shower, he briefly wondered if Type had had sex with someone else too.

He didn’t dwell on that either, it was strange and unpleasant.

“Hey Tharn!”

Tharn turned toward a big group of his classmates, all huddled around a magazine, seemingly fascinated by whatever they were looking at.

“What are you guys reading?”

As he approached, he could only focus on the giant hearts on the pink glossed pages.

“I stole my sister’s magazine. It’s about the position of soulmate name.”

Tharn laughed, resting against Lhong to try to get a good look.

“That’s very romantic of you Jay, I didn’t know you cared.”

Jay tutted, brandishing the magazine like a coveted prize despite everyone else's protests.

“This is junk, but girls read it. It’s a great ice breaker.”

“Shut up and tell us what it says already!”

“Okay, okay! What an ungrateful crowd! So… what do you guys want to know?”

“Is there anything about soulmarks on the back?”

Tharn looked down at Lhong. He knew Lhong’s name ran all along his spine, remembers Lhong confessing he’ll never be able to see the name with his own two eyes, that sometimes it felt like the writing wasn’t there at all. Tharn had felt sad for him, he couldn’t imagine not being able to look down and just see, as surely as he could feel his heartbeat.

“In the back… In the back… In the back they say ‘People with a soulmark on their back are secretive. They want to protect themselves from the world and are afraid of being open with others. These people tend to stay stuck in the past, unable to let go of their hardships and the things that hurt them. They can hold grudges for years, so try to not piss them off too much, or you’ll be faced with a terrible enemy!’ That’s so rough man! And that’s so not you Lhong. What a piece of trash!” many laughed at the harsh profiling, some even clapping the young man in the back playfully. “Ah wait, there’s also about relationship for people with a back placement. ‘Being in a relationship with them can be a challenge as you’ll probably have to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting. Their distrustful nature implies a lot of hard work will be necessary to get into their good grace. However, once they open their hearts to you, they’re the ride or die crowd. Loyal to a fault, they’ll believe in you no matter what and will always be there to catch you if you fall. Back placement people are the embodiment of ‘high risk, high reward’. Their best matches are: chest, thigh, and belly placement'.”

That, Tharn could agree with. Lhong was his best friend and had been for years. He knew for a fact that the other boy would be there for him no matter what.

“What about the chest placement,” Tharn asked, curious to see how accurate the prediction would be for him.

“Of course you’re a chest placement,” observed Jay as he looked for the right section.

“So dreamy,” said one.

“So romantic,” replied the other.

“For the chest.. ‘The chest placement, called Lover���s placement because of its overuse in romantic movies, is often found on passionate people. They tend to let their emotions guide them and would rather listen to the impulse of their hearts than the voice of reason inside their head. Brave and secure of who they are, chest placements tend to be great leaders as their caring nature pushes them to try and look out for the majority’. Well, this one is more accurate at least! For your relationship… ‘If thigh placement are considered the champions of physical relationships, chest placement are known everywhere as the pros of romance. They’ll bring out the best in their partners and will always give their whole heart to their relationship. Be careful though, as their passionate nature can make them impulsive, and sometimes jealous. Their best matches are: face, thigh, arm, and back placement’.”

Tharn wondered. Was he really all these things?

What could Type possibly be? Each placement had their own clichés. Thigh people were sensual but fickle. Chest, passionate but temperamental. Face, straightforward but angry. Shin, adventurous but irresponsible. Ribs, soft but pushovers. Back, distrustful but loyal.

His mum had a chest placement, just like him. His dad’s was on his forearm. Thorn and Tanya had theirs just hugging their hip.

He wondered where Tharn Thara Kirigun was written.

For his 16th birthday, just before their traditional family dinner, the whole family goes to city hall together. Tharn feels jittery as he completes his paperwork. The beat of his own heart is deafening, and for a second he stops breathing. The employee seems to take an eternity to input his information into their software.

No match. They would notify him by mail as soon as Type would register.

His disappointment must be clear as day on his face, Thorn gripped him into a side hug, offering him a comforting smile.

“Don’t worry N’Tharn. I didn’t get my match either at first. It’ll happen.”

On their way back home, they all gave him a wide breadth, talking among themselves while Tharn was slowly getting lost in thoughts.

Was Type younger than him? Did he not register? If not, why wouldn’t he? Didn’t he want to meet Tharn? Did he not want to be found? He had tried so hard to rein in his enthusiasm and bring down his expectations. He still crashed down hard that night.

At least Type wasn’t dead, they would have told him otherwise.

There’s nothing he could do. He just had to be patient.

After his 16th birthday, Tharn started to date more. A first boy, then a second when the first one matched. He’d even tried to go out with a girl, but that really hadn’t done it for him. Then there was Tar.

Tar wasn’t Type. But Tar definitely had his heart. Tar who had a French name written on his lower ribs.

It was almost easy to overlook, he could hide the name with his arms during hugs, could bury his nose in Tar’s neck when they made love.

Type’s name was harder to ignore.

At the end of high school, as he was looking for a condo he could share with his boyfriend not too far from their university, Tar announced he’d received an art scholarship. For a Parisian’s school.

Not only was it a great opportunity, it was destiny calling for him.

He couldn’t refuse, he told Tharn. He had to go, he explained, crying as he was breaking up with his boyfriend of a year. He had to meet the owner of his name, is what he didn’t say. It’s all Tharn heard, though.

His last summer before university was spent mourning his relationship, mending his broken heart by beating the pain away on the drums.

“Tharn! A letter from university is here, come and get it.”

He thanked his mum and she urged him to open it. It was about his dorm.

Welcome, we’re very proud you decided to join our University.... All students are allowed to get their keys from…shared dorm… assigned roommate: Type Phawattakun.

It was time. It was his turn. He had been waiting for it for years. He didn’t have his first kiss to give, nor his first time, or even his first ‘I love you’. He still wanted to feel someone tracing over that name and whisper it against his lips though.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Pulled Together ~ Part 2

A/N: So trigger warning for heavy themes of torture and isolation. Just a warning, in case that kind of thing bothers you. Things will be much better after this part though, promise :)

Word Count: 4800+

MASTERLIST

Jai spent the day staying busy. They lost themself in everything they did. Time passed mercifully quickly until they were headed home and suddenly their chest seized. They stopped on their way, eyes wide and hand over their heart. They took a few seconds to blink, clearing their mind and taking some deep breaths. Someone nearby gave them an odd look so they continued walking, a bit awkward. The passerby nodded then looked away.

They’d been having these sorts of episodes all week. It had been getting worse and worse and despite themself, they felt like it was all building up to something. Like something really bad was about to happen any second.

Of course, it was the opposite. Cal would come over and then things would change as they’d been waiting for it for a while now. Jai had always been very good at reading Cal. They originally approached him because he was lonely and obviously weighed down by something. Their company had led to a quickly irritated Cal, but the more times they showed up, the more Cal warmed up to them until the day came that he started flirting back.

Jai knew that Cal had given in because he was lonely, so they made it clear very early on that dating was off the table because they weren’t going to settle for someone who only wanted them because he was lonely. Because he didn’t have anyone else.

But then Cal began to search them out. Instead of them just ending up at the same bar or passing by and setting up a time and place to meet very quickly, Cal began to visit or search them out or leave little messages where he knew they would find it. Jai knew then that they were more to Cal than a filler. They were more to him than warmth and a body and a face and a voice. It was then that Jai thought things would quickly take a turn in the direction they were headed now. They didn’t account for Cal being so very mentally stuck on the friends with benefits thing. They could sense it for the longest time. Hesitation. Fear.

When he stopped showing up, they’d been sure he was done with them. He’d moved on and lost interest. He’d found someone else, or Jai just wasn’t satisfying enough to keep his attention anymore. This last week had been getting to them and their insecurities were stronger than ever. That’s why they’d finally made a shot at a date last night. One last effort to see if Cal really was into them, or if he wanted less. Or if he just wanted things to be the same. He responded well. Even better than Jai had anticipated, given this morning's events.

Now the day was over and that meant it was time to come home, make a nice dinner, and wait for Cal to join them. Then things would really change and it would all be better because Jai would never have to worry about Cal’s role in their life ever again. They’d be together. Things were finally turning around.

They set the table, cooking their best meal yet. They wanted it to be nice, and Cal loved nothing more than Jai’s homemade food, hot and ready, after he’d had a long day in the cold rain. They hovered, wringing their wrists and trying not to pace as they waited for Cal. They waited. And waited. And waited.

Cal was usually off by now, even on his late nights. The food was cold and untouched- Jai hadn’t been hungry. It was getting very late and even if they knew that Cal had meant what he’d said this morning, they also knew that Cal tended to get distracted a lot. Maybe they weren’t enough to keep him aware of them all day long. Maybe he didn’t really feel for them what they felt for him. Maybe in their excitement, Jai had misread Cal.They’d been known to do it a few times here and there.

There was a knock on the door.

Jai had already cleared all the food into containers so it wouldn’t have gone bad and put them in the cooling box, so it wouldn’t be warm, but it would still be good. A chill night at the table eating out of containers wasn’t what Jai had planned for the night they’d so wanted to be romantic, but it was more Jai and Cal’s speed. They were fine with it.

Eager for whatever was about to come next, Jai opened the door, a grin on their face… that soon melted away when they noticed that the person on the other side was NOT Cal Kestis. “Expecting someone else?”

Jai stepped further into the house, away from the stranger in front of them. They might have been stuck on this planet but they weren’t dumb. They knew an Inquisitor when they saw one. “Yes, sorry.” They swallowed. “May I help you?”

“So I hear,” The Inquisitor responded. Her voice was low and even. As if this was commonplace. As if she was a regular visitor at Jai’s place of living. “I’m here about someone you know. Does the name Cal Kestis sound familiar?”

Jai swallowed. This was bad. Very bad. Why was an Imperial Inquisitor at Jai’s house of all places, looking for Cal of all people? The question wasn’t innocent, but it was easy to answer. “I do. We’re friends.” They weren’t sure why the Inquisitor was looking for Cal. Didn’t Inquisitors hunt Jedi?

Even with the metal mask on, Jai could feel the smirk on the Inquisitor’s face. She wasn’t especially tall or strong. She seemed to be just taller than Jai, and was slender. The lightsaber at her belt would make up for any lack of strength though- not that someone like her wouldn’t have the muscle power to back up such a title and weapon.

“You make dangerous friends.”

Jai swallowed. “How is Cal dangerous?”

The air changed and Jai felt like they’d walked into a trap. That was exactly what the Inquisitor wanted Jay to ask. Jai didn’t know how they knew it, but it was as simple a knowledge to them as their own name. “He’s a traitor.” She paused, letting the words settle in. Jai was thankful for the time. Putting ‘traitor’ next to ‘Cal’ felt like… like seeing an Inquisitor in their doorway. Jai finally responded, opening their mouth to argue - not logical or sane in any sense, but apparently their reaction nonetheless - but the Inquisitor held up a hand and they felt their throat close. Their fist loosened as soon as it had risen and Jai was left to gasp air in, leaving space for the Inquisitor to speak again. “He’s now on the run with his own dangerous friends. A Jedi.” Another pause, and Jai felt more confused than ever. There were still Jedi around?

When had Cal had time to make friends with one? “I heard you were the only one alive on this planet that knows him well enough to have any idea where he might be headed.”

It was hard to wrap your mind around the idea that you could die any second, especially when just moments ago Jai had their mind set on a romantic dinner with their soon-to-be boyfriend. Who was apparently now on the run, somewhere, with Jedi. Jedi. Like in the stories. And an Inquisitor of all people was now here, asking a question. The threat was unspoken but hung in the air, so real it was almost a taste on Jai’s tongue. If Jai didn’t fulfill what the Inquisitor wanted, she would kill them,

Jai didn’t know where Cal was. Cal never talked about his past or future. It seemed that Cal had been born and raised on Bracca, and intended to die here as well. He never spoke of anywhere else. They had no idea where he would even think to go. What other planets might have some meaning to him. What would draw him to any one place.

Except… he wouldn’t leave without Jai. They knew that as easily as they knew plenty of information they probably shouldn’t. If he was really gone, he was planning on coming back. That’s when Jai realized: the Inquisitor probably had realized that too, unless she didn’t know even a fraction as much about Jai and Cal’s relationship as she was letting on. They decided to test the waters. This was about keeping themself and Cal both alive… if nothing else, maybe they could distract the Inquisitor long enough to get her to look for him in the wrong place. Or- or something-

“I don’t seem to know him as well as I thought.” Jai took even breaths through their nose. “I’ve only known Cal on Bracca. I have no idea where else he’d go. He has no other ties. No other family. Not- not that I know of.”

The Inquisitor was quiet for a long time. Too long. “No one except you?” The silence was shattered by the sound of a lightsaber activating, the dimly lit room and dark world outside glowing vibrantly red. Jai went to scream. To stall. Something. But the Inquisitor held out her hand and pulled Jai’s throat into her waiting fingers. They were frozen in pure terror, waiting for the glowing blade to go through them. It didn’t come. “You’ll be useful then.”

With those words, Jai’s entire life was ripped from them. The Inquisitor used what could only be the Force to keep Jai in the air, bound and silent. She floated Jai just diagonal from her as she walked through the far too quiet streets, her lightsaber still active in her hand, casting a menacing red glow over everything. No one would even think of messing with the Inquisitor. Jai was done for.

They approached a ship, a much bigger but similarly dressed Inquisitor coming to meet them halfway. “What’s with the carry on?” Jai would have been trembling if they weren’t frozen in place.

“This one will help us get to the others. The one from earlier has an attachment.” They all began to move back to the ship, the two women keeping conversation smoothly, their tones almost light, like they were talking about a date that was coming up with a cute guy. They were eager to find Cal and his apparent Jedi friend.

A soldier of some kind approached. Jai couldn’t quite see from the angle they were being held in. “We’ll need room for this on the ship,” the bigger Inquisitor told the soldier.

“Yes Ninth Sister.” The clacking of metal on stone could be heard as he retreated, moving much more quickly toward the ship than the two… sisters…

Jai had no idea what the Empire had in store for them, but they did know that it was going to be nothing good and they felt absolutely terrified.

“Fear.” The Inquisitor who still had Jai suspended seemed to purr as she said the words. “You’re full of it. Good. You do have some sense then. Maybe we can get something out of you after all.”

And Jai knew, with that, their fate was sealed. They didn’t know how they knew - a phenomenon that had been occuring far too much recently - but this had been what the tightness in their chest had been about. The anxiety and concern and hesitation they’d never felt before in their life. THIS had been what their subconscious was screaming at them about. Warning them about. And yet, it was so terrifyingly clear that if they thought this was bad, things were only about to get so much worse. This was the beginning of the end and as Jai free fell into the darkness, unable to stop or even slow, they knew that all that awaited them at the bottom was death.

Or perhaps something much, much worse.

Pain. Agony. White hot and ceaseless. Jai had never known anything even close to this. It didn’t even pause, no matter what. Not when they screamed or cried. Not when they ran out of voice or tears. Not when they begged and pleaded or passed out. That was the best of it. When they were passed. They always woke up even more exhausted and covered in dull aches everywhere, and then those aches would turn to fire in their veins and every nerve ending in their body trying to rip itself apart in favor of that horrible pain ending.

It rarely did. Even when it did stop, the pauses were always brief. They would see the Second Sister step forward and she’d ask a single question. “Tell us everything you know about Cal Kestis.” Then Jai would or wouldn’t answer, and when they stopped fulfilling what the Second Sister wanted, the pain started again.

At first Jai had resisted. They didn’t have any sensitive information anyway, so it was a lot easier. Then they began to slip, and things about Cal came from them without their permission. Stupid things. The face he made when he was asleep. How he ran his hand through his hair when he was thinking or deciding or just bored, as if the motion helped boost his brain and helped him continue forward a little.

The Second Sister seemed to be getting frustrated about it. Jai talked non stop about Cal, but it was just a bunch of things that didn’t help her in the slightest. When she got really mad, the torture would get worse and Jai would black out a lot faster. The Ninth Sister found herself here a lot, enjoying Jai and the Second Sister’s struggle both. Things were getting increasingly worse.

“If you continue like this you’ll kill the little bug.” The Ninth Sister seemed excited about it, and that made the Second Sister even more frustrated.

“I know.” She looked at Jai, once again unconscious. Everyone reached the point when the pain stopped mattering. It still hurt, but it stopped affecting you. It was constant. Endless. What was the point in screaming anymore? Just give them what they want and then rest- that’s all that mattered.

Jai wasn’t reaching that point. They just hurt and hurt and hurt and it wasn’t getting anyone anywhere. The Second Sister knew that there was more to this one than there seemed to be, though. She’d felt it in that first meeting. In the way their voice wrapped around Cal’s name and their body tensed. Protective. But also, there was just something different about them in general. The Second Sister could FEEL it in the look in their eyes. This had lasted so much longer than most people did. It only took this much effort for Jedi’s. Jai either knew something or was hiding something they didn’t even know about.

Or maybe there was nothing there and the Second Sister was just desperate. There was something about this Cal too. He was powerful and full of potential. The way he’d reacted when she’d killed Prauf… he could be a great Inquisitor.

It was a time for a change in tactic.

“Untie them.” She turned away from Jai as a trooper unlocked Jai from the torture chair. “Come with me.” She began walking away and the trooper looked to the other one in the room. The two doubled up, each of Jai’s arms across their shoulders as they both dragged Jai between them, heading out after the Second Sister. She led the troopers - and therefore Jai - to a very isolated holding cell. She motioned to it and the two troopers lay Jai inside before moving back outside of the cell and out of the way.

The Second Sister reached out a hand and Jai sat up, gasping and screaming, thrashing. The Second Sister lowered her hand and Jai looked around wildly, eyes wide and full of confusion. “Wh-where am I?” The Second Sister was surprised by them again. They didn’t look relieved to be out of the chair, or that there wasn’t pain to wake up to. They were still on guard. They were maybe stronger than they’d originally been given credit for.

“You’re in a cell.” The Second Sister stopped herself from rolling her eyes at herself. Obviously. “And you’re gonna stay here until we find further use for you. And if we don’t, then we won’t continue to waste space or resources on you.” She turned away and began to leave.

“You’re going to leave me here? By myself?”

The Second Sister smiled under her mask. No matter how strong Jai was, they were still honest and that would always make them weak. They had no thought to even pretend they weren’t scared. They were giving the Second Sister everything she needed to drive them to breaking. “Unless you have some other use, there’s no point in wasting my time on you. I’ve already done it too long.”

Jai sighed. “Okay.”

The Second Sister turned to face them when she was outside the cell, the red barrier activating and separating them. Jai was on the floor, laying still with their eyes closed. The Second Sister bristled. They were getting comfortable. “Think of something fast, or you really will die in that chair.”

Jai frowned. So they were bothered, at least. Perhaps they weren’t totally insane. “At least I’ll get a nap before then.” The Second Sister’s hands curled into fists. “I’ve told you all I know, Second Sister. If I’m going to die anyway, I might as well get a damn nap first.”

Despite herself, the Second Sister understood what Jai was feeling. A nap really did sound good.

She left Jai there, the troopers following after her. She’d break Jai. She’d find out what Jai was holding back and nothing was going to stop

-

Jai was alone for days. They’d gotten used to the fact that they happened to know things that they shouldn’t. Like how the Second Sister was desperate, or that the Ninth Sister was loving watching Jai and the Second Sister unravel. They knew the Ninth Sister smiled when they passed out. They knew it plain as day.

Perhaps they were just insane. Losing track of the days in a cell that branched off of a dim hallway that had no natural light that didn’t allow sun in. Not that that would have mattered, since it was always dark outside the ship. Jai kept forgetting that. That they were on a spaceship in space, just floating. Or, did they land on a planet? Were they STILL on that small ship they’d first been put on what seemed eons ago? That didn’t make sense. They had to have a main base on some kind of planet, right?

What were they talking about again?

Oh, right, the days.

They didn’t know the time they were in here because of some internal clock that had been so learned from their time on Bracca. Simply, they knew when daytime for everyone else that was also in this place they were at. This ship or planet or whatever it was. They knew when people were awake or when they should be asleep. They just knew it and it was as simple as that. It had been days that they’d been alone.

Maybe it was getting to them.

On the second day, something happened that hadn’t happened since the night they’d been laying with Cal. One of their imaginary friends appeared. He was tall and had an odd lump on his shoulder. He glowed an odd color…

Jai’s eyes widened. It was their imaginary friend from when they were a child.

Everyone had some defining characteristic. Some people were a rare color. Some people were rare shapes. Common colors were blue, green, and red. Common shapes were rectangles or squares, depending on how tall or thin they were or weren’t. This one was a rectangle, tall and slim- even more so than the Second Sister. His uniqueness was in the color. His shape seemed to be made of mist rather than color. Mist that swirled with all sorts of colors. Jai had never seen a multicolored imaginary friend before. They knew it was him the second they saw it again. He was taller. Much taller. And a little broader too, like maybe he was older.

Jai was older too. Maybe their imaginary friend had aged as well.

That lump on the shoulder though… that was very very new. It hovered just above, not necessarily part of the rectangle, even though it appeared along with it.

“Where do you think we should go, BD?”

The voice sounded sort of familiar…

Jai was distracted when the cell around them morphed into more of those blurry shapes. They must have fallen asleep. This happened sometimes. Usually when their imaginary friend traveled. They would almost see the world the friend was in. Instead of being in a cell, Jai lay on a very cold, wet, hard surface. A rainforest type place maybe. The paths in front of the imaginary friend split, each one too misty to make out- except that one glowed.

“Left,” Jai replied casually.

“What- who’s there?” The imaginary friend from Jai’s childhood drew another much smaller rectangle from his side and suddenly it was still very thin but very, very long. He seemed to be holding it… a lightsaber? It glowed a soft blue color.

Of course. Jai had lots of trauma with lightsabers and Jedi and non-Jedi and getting older. They’d been craving the easy ways of their youth. It made sense that at the loss of sanity, they would imagine this. An older imaginary friend who used to be protective, being a monster. Someone to fear. Anyone with a weapon like that was an enemy. And, ironically, this enemy used to be their very best friend. And he was lost and needed their help.

Ah well.

“Go left,” Jai repeated defeatedly. Couldn’t they have one thing? Couldn’t they see their old friend again without it coming to this?

The imaginary friend turned in circles, head moving in all directions. His eyes were probably searching, looking for the source of Jai’s voice. This was usual too. “Where- who are you?”

“A friend.” Sometimes imaginary friends expected them, sometimes they were scared of them. Sometimes they just ignored them. Sometimes they freaked out. Jai wasn’t always friends with them at first, but it always ended up there. Everyone realized eventually that all Jai wanted to do was help. They could mess with them, but if they could give someone an easier path, why not? So what if they were fake? So what if Jai had always felt useless and helpless to such a level that their mind came up with people for them to help so they felt less so, even just a little bit? Jai could handle this. There were worse things to experience. “Look, you can ignore me or not believe me, but I’m telling you now that if you go left you’ll get closer to your goal. I swear on my life. On the life of those I care about. On my honor. On whatever you value and everything that I value.”

Their imaginary friend paused, looking toward the left path. It pained Jai more than anything they’d experienced at the hands of the Second Sister to see someone they used to be so close to treating them like they were foreign. He was the only one who came more than once. They used to talk to him all the time when they were a kid. When he’d fall, and they’d encourage him to get up and keep going because they knew he needed to hear it. When he was downtrodden and wanted to give up and they encouraged him because they knew he needed it. When he was lost, like he was now, and they knew he needed some direction. Not always lost in this way, either. There was one night… He was terrified. Being attacked. Running. He was confused and unsure and hesitant and distracted and Jai had been there to help him.To feel all of his fear and pain.

Even unto the end, when he exploded in a color of agony. He lost something. Something very important. And then Jai lost him.

Until now.

“I know you,” the imaginary friend suddenly said. “Those memories…” Jai was startled by this. He saw their memories? What they were thinking about? “You were there. I really did hear a voice all those times.”

“Of course you did.” Jai was getting irritated. This was weird. Very weird. They were tired and aching and this stupid imaginary friend who had ditched them forever ago was back and acting as if they’d been a figment of his imagination when it was the other way around. “Now go left, idiot.”

The imaginary friend chuckled. “Okay. Hey what’s your n-”

Suddenly he was gone, just as Jai watched him head toward the left path. The misty world faded and Jai opened their eyes to see the dark, empty cell. They sighed. Nice dreams never lasted. At first they thought they’d just woken up, but then the cell was opening and some part of their brain was aware that their few day long isolation had turned into weeks. How much time had passed? Surely they hadn’t been in that little dreamscape for so long. It all felt so jumbled…

Troopers forced Jai to their feet. They winced, but the Second Sister appeared in front of them and cut off their sounds of protest or questions. Jai was instantly too tired to form any words. The Second Sister turned away and the two troopers grabbed each of their upper arms, forcing them forward. “Finally gonna kill me then?”

The group turned a familiar path a few times and Jai felt dread. There were two places that Jai had been and only one path they’d taken between them. If they weren’t headed for the cells… to their horror, they did indeed return to the torture room. The room that had ruled their existence for who knows how long. That had been endless agony on immeasurable levels.

“No,” Jai mumbled, pulling against the troopers. They just held tighter, dragging now that Jai wasn’t willingly walking along with them. “I told you, I don’t know anything! Just kill me!”

The Second Sister turned to face Jai. “Killing you would be too easy. I’m going to drive you ever so slowly to the brink of death then let you come back. No more taking room. No more eating. You’ll hurt until you die, and then you’ll be nothing.”

Jai’s one accessible weakness: their need for survival. It would betray them now, as they begged and pleaded for death but didn’t get it for far, far too long. It would be red and purple and white for the next forever until Jai’s body finally gave in. They wouldn’t ever get to see Cal again. They wouldn’t get to see their imaginary friend who had finally come back. They wouldn’t get to get out of here. All things they already knew, but which seemed so much more terrible now, because not only would they never happen, but Jai would die crying and screaming and flailing. They’d die broken and lonely, surrounded by people who hated them so much they’d smile as the light faded from Jai’s eyes. And for what? Because Jai didn’t know Cal was affiliated with Jedi?

Fear. Like nothing they’d ever felt. More powerful than any pain they’d yet felt. More powerful than any other emotion they’d felt ever. It consumed them, taking complete control. Jai planted their feet and suddenly the tropers couldn’t move them anymore, no matter how hard they tried or what way they pushed or pulled. The air grew tense, warping around their bodies and.. materializing. Suddenly the blinding fear inside them was erupting from them, manifesting as white light. Screams could be heard, but it wasn’t from Jai. It was from the troopers. From the Second Sister. They all fell as the room was suddenly filled with lightning, and it was all coming from Jai.

On the ground, the Second Sister gasped as she looked at Jai as the lightning finally stopped. “You…” She was struggling, choking on the words as her body fought against her.

Jai’s eyes were wide. “What…?” Running didn’t even seem to occur to them. Perhaps because, over everything, their sentence was cut off as they collapsed into a heap of bones and blood, completely passed out.

When the Second Sister finally got control of her body again, more troopers had come at the commotion of the noise. They had guns drawn. “Put those away, you idiots!” They were obviously confused but did as they were told. The Second Sister moved to Jai’s still body, a twisted smile forming on her unseen lips. “You really were hiding something, eh?”

A secret not even Jai knew: they could use the Force.

[antipodeanpineapplelump]

Fast Times at Konoha High

This was supposed to be a drabble, but like everything else I touch it got totally out of hand. It’s inspired by some really pretty art of grumpy janitor Obito by @glas-onion-nard​ which you should definitely check out. Thank you so much for letting me write this Jay! (and no pressure at all to like it - I just had fun working on something completely different for a day). 

‘Can anyone tell me who Konoha’s founder was?’

A room full of less-than enthusiastic faces stares back at him and Kakashi breathes out a long sigh. Is it just his imagination, or is the ceiling light above his desk flickering? He wouldn’t mind if it is, though realistically it’s probably just wishful thinking. The bulbs were changed only two weeks ago after all.

‘No one?’ he prompts again, already anticipating the answer - or lack thereof.

Late-afternoon sunlight streams through the windows, shades of warm amber and gold. The question plays out just as Kakashi expected – blank faces and disinterest - and not for the first time, he wonders why he bothers. It’s clearly one of those days. The classroom looks deader than the staff party last Christmas – wrapped up by nine pm without so much as a single inappropriate drunken speech. Kakashi’s been to more exciting funerals. But it is nearly home-time on a Friday, so he can’t exactly blame them.

The bell rings, and the kids come alive like someone’s electrified the floor beneath them. ‘Alright,’ Kakashi calls out over the screech of chairs over wood, the clatter of stationary and books being zipped into bags, ‘Make sure you read that chapter this weekend, because anyone who doesn’t know the answer by Monday is definitely going to fail the test. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.’

‘Yes Mr. Hatake,’ they intone as one.

He smiles just a little bit at that. Enthusiastic or not, it’s still nice to hear his name spoken the same way as the teachers he remembers. After all, they’re what inspired him to pursue this career. They made a difference, even if he didn’t always appreciate it at the time.

‘Have a good weekend,’ he says as they file out, one by one.

Typically, Sasuke lingers in the corner, slow to leave again, and Kakashi makes a mental note to talk to Gai about him. It’s nothing more than a fleeting suspicion, but he gets the feeling all might not be right at home with him. He’s never been good at broaching that kind of thing with students himself, but surely the ever-cheerful guidance counsellor will know what to do.

A giggle from the corner of the classroom alerts him to the ongoing presence of Sakura - the quiet achiever of the class, and most enthusiastic member of Sasuke’s fan club. Kakashi will never understand what all the girls see in him – something about the mysterious, troubled, brooding type maybe – but wherever he goes, she goes. And where she goes-

A stack of books tips over at the back of the room.

‘Naruto you dunce!’ Sakura exclaims loudly, directing a scowl at the clumsy blond boy, then glancing back toward Sasuke for approval.

Kakashi wants to slap his palm over his face. They’re the worst, most oblivious, most patience-trying love triangle ever, and some days he just wishes he could-

The door to the classroom opens and his head snaps around, eyes drawn to it, hoping.

A man trudges in, stepladder under one arm, and brown cardboard box in other. He’s wearing a faded blue uniform, an eye patch, and an expression that can only be described as cantankerous. Or unreasonably grouchy. Or any other of a thesaurus-full of variations on the theme that Kakashi might care to apply. Like being here is utterly ruining his day, and he knows exactly who he blames it on.

Kakashi tries very hard not to swoon.

‘Hatake,’ the janitor growls, unimpressed.

There’s something oddly appealing about the way it sounds in his rough, gravelly tone though. ‘Obito,’ Kakashi replies warmly, suppressing the smile that wants to break through his careful mask of composure.

‘I presume you have something to complain about.’ Obito dumps the ladder on the floor. ‘Since you always do. Air conditioning again maybe. Or another squeaky door?’

‘Actually I think that light above my desk is flickering again,’ Kakashi says evenly.

‘Really?’ Obito drawls, one narrowed eye assessing him like he doesn’t believe it for a second. ‘Because I only changed the bulbs in it two weeks ago. The last time you complained,’ he adds snidely.

Kakashi holds out his hands, placating. ‘Maa, I can’t help it if the school doesn’t have the budget to look after these things properly.’

Obito breathes out through his nose, looking for all the world like he might hit Kakashi with the box he’s carrying. But instead he just rolls his eye, holding the box up. ‘Well, aren’t you lucky I brought replacement bulbs with me then?’

Kakashi actually smiles at that, bright and genuine. ‘That is lucky,’ he says, feeling a familiar flutter rising in his chest. He tries to lean casually against his desk, but it’s lot further away than he realised. Overbalancing, he flails gracelessly into thin air for a couple of seconds, then steps into a clumsy recovery, coughing awkwardly and trying to pass the whole thing off as intentional.

The wry expression and raised eyebrow suggest Obito’s not buying it though. He snorts sharply, something like amusement – or certainly the closest Kakashi’s ever seen - passing over his face, then drags his ladder toward the light in question, shaking his head.

The second he looks away, Kakashi sags against the desk. God he’s such an idiot. A completely hopeless mess whenever Obito’s around. Though in his defence, Obito does seem to be all Kakashi’s weaknesses rolled up into one man – and undoubtedly the most interesting person in this place. His past is a complete mystery, and regular topic of discussion in the staff-room over lunch. Ex-criminal, undercover secret agent, education ministry inspector – you name it, it’s probably been suggested. Although personally, Kakashi doubts any of them are right.

In any case, he just can’t seem to stay away from the man, and it’s caused the number of maintenance complaints he makes to skyrocket. A couple of really juicy issues, and he has a good excuse to stick around chatting to Obito for at least half an hour on Friday afternoons when he does his weekly rounds of the school. It’s made them Kakashi’s favourite day of the week.

‘So,’ he says, hoping to recover some of his lost dignity. ‘Do you have any plans for tonight?’

Obito pauses screwing in the light bulb momentarily to scowl at him. ‘Do I look like I have any plans?’

Ok… so maybe that was a bad question.

Kakashi bites his lip, distracted as Sasuke saunters past without the slightest acknowledgement. There really is something about the kid’s attitude that’s just not right and he probably should-

‘Naruto, don’t!’ Sakura exclaims.

Kakashi looks up just in time to see Naruto’s fingers slip off the spare bulb in Obito’s box, expression one of foiled mischief as Sakura drags him back by a shoulder.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she says to the janitor, looking terrified.

Naruto grins ridiculously, not the least bit put off by this change to his plans.

Obito glares at them both, expression exuding barely-contained menace. It’s enough to make Kakashi reconsider that suggestion about possible past criminality, and he knows it should probably concern him, but it’s also unreasonably attractive…

With a nervous laugh, Sakura tugs Naruto toward the door. ‘Come on,’ she entreats, as he refuses to budge, staring between Kakashi and Obito with the oddest expression on his face, like he’s just realised something terribly important.

Kakashi tears his eyes away from Obito (though that’s hard, because the view is very good) and pushes off his desk. ‘Time to head home Naruto. Mr. Uchiha needs space to do his job, and your parents will be expecting you.’

Still reluctant, Naruto pokes his tongue out at the janitor’s back, then much to Kakashi’s relief, follows Sakura to the door. That’s… less pushback than he was expecting.

But just before he gets there, and just when Kakashi thinks he’s home free, with Obito to himself for a whole few glorious minutes, Naruto pauses, fixing Kakashi with a terrifying grin and asking loudly enough that no-one - least of all the janitor perched on the ladder at the front of the room – could possibly miss it, ‘Do you want to be alone so you can finally ask him on a date Mr. Hatake!?’  

Teach children they said. It’ll be a rewarding career they said.

Well whoever they were, they obviously hadn’t accounted for Naruto.

Kakashi’s face feels like it’s on fire, Obito’s shoulders have stiffened and Kakashi just knows he’s heard. It makes him want to bolt straight out of the room. Anything to avoid having to explain to Obito, who - if he hadn’t realised before why so many things always break in Kakashi’s classroom – must surely understand by now.

‘Naruto!’ Sakura gasps. ‘I’m so sorry Mr. Hatake.’

Gritting his teeth, Kakashi smiles at her. ‘It’s alright Sakura. I hope both of you have a good weekend.’

‘Er… you too,’ she says with a final horrified glance at Obito - still frozen on the ladder - before dragging Naruto out.

Kakashi can hear her admonishing him all the way down the hall. Not that that helps him.

There’s a completely dead, stony silence. Kakashi swallows, wondering what he can possibly say to talk his way out of this. It’s all he can do not to just run away right now. As much as he likes Obito, he’s never imagined actually telling him how he feels, more than content to just admire from afar. But the way things have gone he has to say something.

‘Obito…’ he croaks out, name sticking in a too-dry throat. ‘I can explain.’

Almost in slow motion, Obito turns. His eye sweeps across Kakashi’s face, no doubt taking in the particular shade of red Kakashi knows he’s sporting. The nervous tongue that flicks traitorously across his lips, betraying the truth behind Naruto’s words.

‘Is it true?’ Obito asks flatly.

Kakashi’s resolve crumbles before the other man’s gaze. His eyes drop to the floor between his feet and he sucks in a deep breath, feeling like nothing in the world can prepare him for what he’s about to say. ‘I… yes, it is. I like you Obito. But I’d never… not if you didn’t want to…’

He trails off, unsure how to finish, and hating the deathly silence that fills the space between them. The heat in his face is spreading outward now, creeping along the tips of his ears and down his neck. Shifting uncomfortably, he scuffs at the floor with a toe.

There’s a noise that sounds suspiciously like someone clearing their throat. Steeling himself to face the music, Kakashi looks up. Obito’s still staring at him, but his expression is a lot less deadpan than before. Now there are tiny creases around his mouth and eyes, and if Kakashi didn’t know better, he’d say the janitor looks almost… amused. It’s not enough to make Kakashi relax, but it is far better than he was expecting.

Obito grunts, glancing at the box in his hands. ‘So tell me… should I finish changing these bulbs, or not?’

‘Um…’ Kakashi runs a hand through his hair nervously. Might as well come clean about everything, considering. ‘You probably don’t need to. Sorry… about that.’

Obito nods slowly. He steps back down to the floor, appearing lost in thought as he folds up the ladder. He’s taking this remarkably well. So well, Kakashi has almost begun to think he might be able to breathe again. That he might actually get away with this being one of those embarrassing incidents that they both agree (by omission) to pretend never happened. It’s probably the best he can hope for, realistically.

But Obito stops right in front of him on his way to the door. ‘You know,’ he muses, like he’s trying out each word before he actually says it. ‘I don’t have any plans tonight. But I could.’

Kakashi’s heart leaps into his throat. ‘Are you asking me… on a date?’ he squeaks.

The janitor’s mouth quirks subtly upward, slight but unmistakeable this time. ‘No. You asked first. I’m just telling you I accept.’

The noise that escapes Kakashi’s throat is almost embarrassing in it’s enthusiasm. This is not at all what he was expecting.

It’s so, so much better.

‘Do you like music?’ he hears himself babbling. ‘There’s a live band playing at my favourite bar in town tonight. Maybe we could go?’

‘Sure, that sounds fun.’

Kakashi resists the urge to punch the air. ‘I can pick you up at five?’ he suggests, aiming for cool and collected, but landing a lot closer to breathy and excited. There’s a smile plastered across his face, he just knows it, and from the way Obito’s eyes are lingering over his lips, he hasn’t failed to notice it.

‘I finish at six,’ the janitor says, wry but not displeased. ‘You can pick me up then. Assuming you don’t have anything else that needs fixing while I’m here?’

Kakashi blushes again. He’s probably never going to live that down. ‘Yeah uh… I’m pretty sure everything is working fine now, thanks.’

There’s an obvious smirk on Obito’s face, and it’s edging rapidly toward smug. ‘Funny that. I’ll see you at six then.’

‘Yeah… see you then.’

As soon as Obito leaves the room, Kakashi really does punch the air. Best day ever! And all thanks to Naruto’s inability to keep his mouth shut. Who’d have thought?

Minutes later he saunters from the classroom, drawing stares from his colleagues as he waltzes past them in a hazy dream-like state, whistling cheerfully.

Let them wonder. He’s got a hot date to prepare for, and he’s pretty sure it’ll be the talk of the school in due course.

But for now at least, it’s going to be a great start to the weekend.  

***

The mop seems to float, weightless in his hands, as Obito works his way down the hall, keeping a watchful eye on the time. If anyone had asked him earlier today why he thought Mr. Hatake from homeroom six was always finding so many issues with the school facilities, he would have said the man did it just to spite him.

Instead, it turns out he’s just a pervert who can’t resist the view of Obito’s ass halfway up a ladder as he changes the light bulbs. Who’d have thought?

Not that he’s complaining. There was a lot to like about the way Hatake’s stupid handsome face lit up at least five different shades of crimson when he realised Obito knew. Just the sort of gay disaster Obito’s never been able to resist.

He hums to himself, mopping right over patches of floor-bound chewing gum that would usually render him irate.

Only one hour to go, then he’s going to find out just how deep a shade of red Hatake can actually blush. Maybe even what’s behind that stupid mask of his.

Obito grins at the thought. It’s going to be a good weekend after all.

[batfam-imagines]

I literally love your batfam writing so much, can I request something? Can batsis (biological daughter of Bruce) be adapted after her mum dies and she's obsessed with makeup and loves it so all the boys think she's shallow and conceited? But she's not? Thank you so much

Makeup

Tim flops on the couch beside his eldest brother, “Did yousee her room? She’s got a one of those makeup mirror things. The one with thelights in the mirror and all the drawers. When I walked by, she was filling thewhole thing up with makeup”

“Are you serious? Who needs that much makeup?”

“I don’t think Steph, Cass, and Babs have that much makeupcombined. I mean I know her mom was a model and all, but she must be stupid shallowand obsessed with her looks”

There’s a soft creak as the door open and both boys glanceup to see the newest member of the Wayne household standing awkwardly in thedoorway. “Hi, Alfred said that you two were in here … he said that you guys wouldn’tmind giving me a bit of a tour. I only know where my room and the kitchen is …”

Dick lets out a put-upon sigh and heaves himself off thecouch, “Yeah, come on, I’ll show you around.”

Y/N glances up at him when they’re passing one of the hugebay windows, “You know, you have beautiful cheekbones, they’d be perfect be forsome highlight. And Tim has some beautiful eyelashes, I have to use falsies ormascara to that kind of length. You know I have -”

“Not everyone needs makeup to feel good about themselves,Y/N”

She freezes for a few seconds before catching up to him, “Iknow. I don’t use makeup because I don’t feel good about myself. I use it becauseit makes me confident, it’s like a mask that helps me take on the world. Ienjoy makeup, I don’t need it, Dick.” Her eyes lock with his, “This familyshould know all about mask, right?”

Dick almost chokes out a disbelieving laugh, that’s definitelysomething he’ll need to bring up to Bruce but for now he’ll ignore it. “So, youhave all that different makeup, and spend all that money just because you likeit?”

“I actually get a lot of my makeup for free. I have a YouTubechannel where I teach people how to put on makeup, so different makeupcompanies will sometimes send me their new pallets or supplies for me to testout and review. Mom taught me to be confident in who I am, to love myself andothers based on who they are as a person. I try to help my followers becomeconfident in themselves while I’m teaching them how to do makeup” The older manjust continues to stare at her, “Maybe you shouldn’t judge people on their outwardappearance and try to get to know them first”

Y/N quickly walks the rest of the way down the hall andstraight into her room while Dick slowly makes his way back toward the livingroom where Tim is still sitting. “So how was it? Was she completely airheaded,or could she actually hold a conversation?”

“She actually seems pretty smart, like she had a reason forhaving so much makeup. I guess she uses it all for her YouTube channel, and tohelp other people gain confidence in themselves”

Tim quickly sits up, “Do you know what her YouTube name is?I want to look her up”

“I don’t know, just search her name, it’ll be her mom’s lastname”

Tim types for a minute, “I found her … holy shit, she hasover 8 million followers”

“You’re kidding me. She was telling the truth? Play one ofher videos”

The two boys play a random video from two months ago. Y/Ntalks about how it doesn’t matter how much makeup someone layers on their faceif they’re ugly on the inside it’ll show. She talks about just being confidentin everything you do and in believing in yourself. The boys end up watchingvideo after video. Watching as she does casual day makeup, or night out makeup.How sometimes her mom or friends will appear in the videos and she’ll do theirmakeup as well as her own and the guest will share their own words of wisdom.The last video the two end up watching is the most recent one Y/N had posted,dated for only a few days after her mother had passed away. It isn’t a makeupvideo at all, it talks about loss and figuring out how live life after losingsomeone so important. Y/N talks about Bruce, how her father who she’s never metintends to take her in and adopt her. Finally, it wraps up by saying that shedoesn’t know when she’ll be able to post again, or even if she’ll be able to answeranyone messages.

“Did we completely misjudge her and act like total assholesto a girl who just lost her only parent up until recently? We’ve both lost ourparents and we were total assholes to her just because we assumed she wasshallow and conceited, when really she just likes makeup and uses it to expressherself”

Dick groans, letting his head fall into his hands, “How dowe make this up to her?”

“Maybe we should follow her advice and actually get to knowher. I think … I think we should treat her like a member of the family insteadof like an outsider. We need to talk to Jason and Damian, you know they’ll cometo the same conclusion we did and yeah, Damian’s gotten a little better overthe years, but he still doesn’t have much a filter.”

“You’re right. I have a great idea. We should have a siblingmovie night, then we call all get to know her at the same time and she can getto know us. She won’t feel so alone here afterwards”

“Perfect! Just us tonight, and maybe next week we can getall the girls over here too?” Dick quickly nods his agreement, “I’m going totell Alfred and see if he can whip up some snacks for us. Can you call Jasonand get Damian?”

“Yeah, I got them. I really hope this works. We might havejust ruined our relationship with Y/N because we judged her over her makeup andnot her personality. We should know better, god we’re so stupid” Dick lets outa soft sigh and pulls out his phone, “Let’s just hope she can forgive us”

A voice clears behind them. Both vigilantes whip around,their eyes wide, having not even heard the door open, “You know, I’d forgiveyou a lot quicker if you’d apologize, that’s typically how these things works”

“Y/N, you scared the crap out of me!” Dick lets out a shakybreath, “I’m sorry … We’re sorry for judging you without getting to know you.We’ve known a lot of models and just kinda assumed that you were like all of them.I didn’t mean to judge you, or insult you”

“I understand. I’m a stranger coming into your guys house.You don’t know me, you guys didn’t even know I existed until recently, so ofcourse you’d assume things about me. That doesn’t make it right though, howeverI’m going to forgive you this time. I want to get to know my new brothers, solet’s put this behind us, okay?”

Tim grins, “Thank you. So we were gonna have a movie nighttonight, the four of us guys and you if you want. A way for all of us to get toknow you and for you to get to know us … if you want”

Y/N grins, “I’d love to, that sounds like fun … but we NEEDto have some kettle corn for the movie and some cookies”

Both guys snort, “I thought you were all into the healthy lifestyleand being the best you can be? That’s what your videos said”

“That’s what some of them said, but then I also say that it’sokay to indulge as long as you do it in moderation. So, I’ll be going to the gymtomorrow, but tonight we can watch movies and eat what we want”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll call Jay and go talk to Damian”

“I’ll go ask Alfred if he can make cookies, you haven’t hadthe chance to try Alfie’s cookies yet, Y/N. They’re amazing!”

[aweebwrites]

Move on Dragons Ch3

Eternal thanks to the light of my writing life @thelucariosfish for beta-ing!

____________

'Alright. This is it. Hiroshi's Labyrinth. Miles and miles of unexplored territory. I think Mr. Borg had an old base here a few of you can use as a den. Maybe your Cole could widen it a bit.' Kai suggested as the thunder of dragons focused on him where he was still perched atop Garmadon's head.

'Perhaps you could show us this… Base.' Wu requested, the large white and gold dragon focusing on the half dragon and Kai scratched the back of his head, having no clue where it was.

'I'll take care of that.' They looked over to the hovering Bounty where the Oni that was Lloyd had spoken from, his hand absentmindedly petting the small black dragon taking a nap around his neck.

The dragon version of himself flew over and without prompting, Lloyd hopped out on his back, startling the smaller dragon around his neck. The wide eyed black dragon looked to where they once stood on the Bounty then back to their place on the back of a far larger dragon than he. The small dragon began chittering and nipping at Lloyd as if reprimanding the Oni for doing something so risky.

"Ow! Ow! I'm fine! No need to bring teeth into this!" Lloyd yelped, pulling his face back from the cranky black dragon.

'It's strange that he is obviously kin but yet… I cannot understand him.' Draconic Lloyd says as he flew him over to his uncle.

'It's odd to me too.' Lloyd says back, apologetically petting the black dragon's head. 'I could understand Firstbourne and while she's in the same dimension as I am, she's in a different realm. Well. That's assuming that this little guy is from this dimension.' He added, remembering that other dimensions were a thing.

"Well, lead the way." Kai says to Lloyd from his pace atop his dragon self's back.

The Oni nods then told his dragon self to fly straight ahead, the rest of the dragon nation following.

"We should follow too." Cole says to Nya from the Bounty and she nods, navigating the Bounty behind them.

Zane kept his focus, even as Jay poked and prodded at the microscope he was using while waiting for the results of the blood test he had ran. Looking at something at a microscopic level was beyond his abilities as a Nindroid after all. Though, what he was observing at this point does prove to be… Worrying. Zane sat back with a frown, professing all he has observed so far. Back then, years ago, Nya had said there was a theory that elevating one's heartbeat could cure the bite of a Fangpyre. It was all theoretical though. They should have known to give Jay a full check to see if the venom was truly gone. It wasn't gone, only had been lying dormant in Jay's very DNA all this time. Being exposed to the draconic dimension and its ways of mutating humans by simply being in that dimension for long had triggered it. 

Zane was just guessing here but the changes from human to draconian started the very second they crossed over to the dragon's dimension. It's just an incredibly slow process that gets faster over time. But while the change may have run smoothly in Cole and Nya, it must have ran into some trouble with the dormant Serpentine venom spread out through Jay's body. He imagines that both may have clashed for a bit before the stronger rose up- the stronger being the venom in Jay's DNA since the draconian influence would have been very weak at that point. The venom must have overpowered and used what little energy drive the draconian influence had to become active again, starting off as sluggish as it was now. But within a few days, a week at most, Jay would be almost completely Serpentine. He would retain most human features Zane felt sure of, but yet again, this was all theory. He can't say for sure this is the direction in which things will go.

"I take it that you've found something?" Zane looked up at Sensei Wu as he approached him.

He breathed out slowly then nodded.

"Yes. I have." He says, gaining Nya and Cole's attention as well. "I still need the blood work to say for sure what changes to expect but… The venom he had taken in from pricking his hand against the Fangpyre skull years ago hadn't disappeared with unlocking his true potential. Rather, it had became dormant. I theorize that the exposure to the Dragons' dimension is the trigger of why it's suddenly active again," Zane explained.

"I don't get it. Didn't it take Kai a month or two in the dragon dimension to start showing changes? And how does being in a dragon dimension turn one into a Serpentine?" Nya asked, confused.

"A change as big as going from human to dragon isn't a sudden thing. It's more logical for the change to start from the moment one enters the dragon dimension and slowly proceeds from there. My hypothesis so far is that once the influence of the dimension met the dormancy of the Serpentine venom in Jay's blood, there was a bit of a struggle between both genetically-changing forces. The venom which was more likely the stronger of the two forces must have overpowered the draconic influence and took it's drive to become active again," Zane explains then looked towards Jay who was only half listening. "From what I've seen so far, Jay will be completing his change by the end of the week." He added and they gasped.

"But- but if he's been bitten by a Fangpyre, surely we can just meet up with some Serpentine and make some antivenom, right? Right?" Cole asked and Zane frowned.

"We could try… But it's unlikely to work. The venom was from a skeletal system that dated back almost a hundred years. Serpentine now have evolved much since then. Their venom may not be the same. The antivenom may not have the components needed to cure him. Moreover…" Zane explained then looked over to Jay as the blue ninja smiled at him, cheeks in hand. "The venom has been in his system so long that it has become apart of him- apart of his very DNA. That alone is enough to almost guarantee that even if the antivenom is correct, it wouldn't be able to do anything." Zane told them and the others frowned.

"No need to look so glum!" Jay says cheerfully, gaining their attention. "I'm just becoming a snake man permanently is all! You guys can just kick me off the team if it comes to it. No biggie." He shrugged and his teammates looked at him in disbelief.

"As if, you damn airhead!" Cole snapped at him, leaving Jay to blink at him curiously. "We're gonna try everything we can to keep you normal and even if that fails, you'll still be apart of the team! Serpentine or not! Does it look like we give a damn what any of us become?! That won't stop us from being family! From being Ninja? No, so shut your damn mouth before I make you!" The Earth ninja says as he took a threatening step forward.

"Yeah! Cole's right! Heck, we could all become inhumane and I still wouldn't care! I didn't care that you were being Serpentine back then, and I sure as hell don't care now," Nya says, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at Jay.

Said ninja blinked at them then smiled.

"You two sure do get worked up easily, huh," Jay jokes but Cole, Nya and Zane's eyes widened once tears fell down their blue brother's cheeks. "Still, it's a nice thing to hear. Thanks." Jay says softly and for a moment, he seemed like a completely different person, smiling and crying as he was.

"Come here you big-" Cole cut himself off to hug Jay instead, the blue ninja hugging back tightly, smile still in place, even as he buried his tear-stained face into Cole's shoulder.

Nya joined the hug, then Zane himself, though he had something else Jay-related on his mind…

___

'Here it is.' Lloyd says, looking down at the small clearing that hardly looked like anything else was around.

That was because the base was underground.

'The entrance might be a bit small for you guys. First, let me check if he still has traps out and about,' Lloyd said and his dragon self nodded then lowered to the clearing.

The green-eyed Oni hopped off before his dragon counterpart could land, earning more reprimanding from the tiny dragon traveling with him.

"Ow! Ow! I'm fine, aren't I?" Lloyd hissed then took him off from around his neck, leaving the small black dragon to coil around his hand. "Jeez. I know what I'm doing. I'm a ninja for crying out loud." That didn't appease the small angry bundle of scales it seems if the little guy's hisses and chittering were anything to go by.

"I'm not as careless as you think you know." Lloyd huffed as he walked towards the base on his hind legs.

The unimpressed look he received from the dragon had Lloyd sputtering.

"Ok, so maybe I'm not the best with self care but I'm getting better." Lloyd huffed and the small black dragon crawled his way back up around his neck, rubbing against Lloyd's cheek with a purr that made the Oni boy smile.

He then dropped down on all fours, shifting as he does to his full Oni form then took off, deciding not to keep the dragons waiting.

Kai in the meantime felt a bit guilty to not have come here all those years ago. If they had, would it have made a difference? The fire ninja only shook his head. He blinked once he caught wind of a few dragons murmuring to themselves.

'Why should we live underground like Oni scum?'

'Be grateful. These humans are willing to share their world with us.'

'But at what cost? To hide and burrow like snakes? If it were up to me, I'd-'

'You'd what?' The toxic dragon froze once he gained Garmadon's attention. 'Conquer this world? Do as you please?' The large black dragon asked, turning around to face the cowering toxic dragon as the others parted away from the grass green dragon.

'You're better off listening to your brethren. We are here out of courtesy and we will not cause the humans any trouble or harm outside of self defense. If any of you find yourselves unable to follow those simple terms for our very survival, then you will be sent back to our home world.' Garmadon declared and all of the dragons visibly shrunk at that.

They all knew going back would mean death. Even if they manage to find corpses of animals, the air quality would be so low and the waters would soon be impossible to drink, that it wouldn't ever be possible to live for long. They knew better than to test that claim. Of the two brothers that lead them, Garmadon was not only more strict, but he was never one to go back on his word. The toxic dragon swallowed thickly then flew back, head bowed in submission and acknowledgement.

Kai leaned against one of Garmadon's fabled horns of destruction. He hadn't even considered them wanting to overthrow humanity. He closed his eyes then crossed his legs. He still won't. Garmadon was different. They all were. They were good. Kai rubbed his cheek against the massive dragon's horn, a low purr leaving him- a sign of trust. He blinked his eyes open once he felt him lowering from the sky, landing quietly moments later. Kai shifted then slid himself down on Garmadon's nose, watching as large, red eyes focused on him.

'The base is more of a start. You guys don't have to stay underground. We expect you all to spend almost all of your time on the surface as the dragons you all are. We're prepared to help you all build a sort of home base anyway.' Kai shrugged, wanting to clarify with his adoptive dragon father. 'I mean, you will all be here for a while anyway. Might as well get comfortable.' He says, prodding at a large scale on his snout.

Kai was unphased when Garmadon tilted his head down, allowing Kai to slide right off his snout to land in his waiting paw.

'We will forever be in your debt,' Garmadon rumbled softly and Kai shot him a wide grin.

'What do you mean? You're paying your debt as we speak.' Kai says, confusing the elder dragon. 'You're surviving, aren't you?' The fire ninja asks, tilting his head to the side, grinning wider once Garmadon's eyes widened.

'That's Kai for you. He always has a way with words.' Kai looked back at the bright green dragon with gold horns that was Lloyd who was looking at him amused from his place seated before his father, at the perfect level with his father's paw.

'I wouldn't know about that…' Kai says, rubbing the back of his head with a sheepish grin.

'Course you wouldn't. It would take away the appeal. You know?' Kai looked up to see the dragon version of his sister coming in to land, the rest of the dragon version of his family coming in too.

Before Kai could make a bashful comment, Lloyd returned, still on all fours. Kai hopped out of Garmadon's paw, using his wings to glide down to the ground, folding then against his back once he landed.

'There were a few that were still active but I've disarmed them. We're good to go.' Lloyd reported as he looked up at Kai, getting up onto his hind legs a moment after.

'Sounds like it's my time.' They looked back to the dragon version of Cole then nodded.

'I'll supervise,' Zane says as he walked forward, narrowing his slitted, icy blue eye at his fellow dragon who flicked his tail at him with a huff.

'I'm not some kind of out-of-control dozer bull.' Cole huffed and both Kai and Lloyd snickered, looking up at the dragon.

'It's called a bulldozer.' The small Oni corrected, amused.

'Let's go. We have a lot of work to do and very little time to do it.' Zane says, looking up at the sky.

It was getting close to midday already and they had to make a settlement there so everyone could rest.

'You guys go ahead. We'll get our Cole to help.' Kai says, taking Lloyd under the arms.

"Are you sure you can-" Lloyd's question was cut off when Kai beat his wings a few times, lifting then off the ground. "Oh. You've been working out?" He asked as Kai flee them towards the ship.

"Yeah. Since I'm the only one of us that can fly, it's only natural I work up the muscle strength to carry one of you guys." Kai says then beat his wings faster the strain getting to him. "I just… Can't carry you for long yet." He got out then almost dropped him on deck.

He set him down gently then blew out a breath of relief, flexing his wings a bit.

"Hey Cole-" Kai cut himself off, noticing the upset yet determined looks on everyone's faces.

"... Did we miss something?" Lloyd asked, shifting back to normal as he looked amongst them all.

"... I'll catch you up on things." Zane says as he walked over to them.

Minutes later, both Kai and Lloyd shared the same upset yet determined expression.

"We won't know unless we try. Skales is our ally so I'm sure he can convince a Fangpyre to spare a few drops of venom." Kai says and Lloyd nodded.

"The change is still in progress so maybe if we get him the antivenom before the change is complete, it'll have a better chance of turning him back!" Lloyd says and Zane only nodded.

He had major doubts but he won't dismiss the slight margin that this might work.

"You both need to stay here to help the Dragons settle in and you need Cole for it. Zane and I will head to New Ninjago City to talk to Skales." Nya instructed and they all nodded.

"But who will look after Jay?" Zane asked, taking the microscope from the spacy Ninja.

The team shared a look.

"I'm sure Lloyd and I can multitask. Besides. We should probably talk to him about this anyway." Kai says, looking to Lloyd who nodded once.

"Alright. So we're set then. Zane and I will take the Land Bounty. We'll be back soon." Nya says before both of them took off.

Lloyd looked Jay of as he hummed to himself, smile unwavering. He walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry Jay. Things will turn out fine, human or Serpentine. You'll see." Lloyd reassured quietly.

Jay looked up at him with clear blue eyes then grinned.

____________

(Update! We're finally starting off somewhere! Yeah starting considering that this will have a lot of chapters. I have something else working on but it's,,, nsfw so that'll go on Ao3. Anyway, thanks for reading!)

[hannahmcne]

The Two O’Clock Meeting - pt 1 of Twoshot

It had been a long day. He'd woken up early and gone in to take the test he'd missed yesterday, so he could attend his father's meeting. Then, he'd taken the test he would be missing this afternoon, for Swords and Shields. It'd been harder than he'd anticipated – he'd probably have to take it again – and have missed breakfast. He'd fallen asleep in Chemistry, brought the wrong book to Math, and had almost fainted during weights because he hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day long. English hadn't been so bad, except that Lonnie hadn't completely finished her part of their group project and Chad's part was done in handwriting that looked suspiciously like Ruby's. And then Annie, Anna's daughter, who had somehow wound up with Elsa's magic despite not being descended from Elsa, had sneezed beside him and froze his hand to the table. The Swords and Shields meet had turned out terrible, both of his parents were gone with court stuff, Audrey had to cancel her plans to come to hang out with him for something her parents needed her for, and so he'd eaten dinner at nine, all alone, and was now heading to bed, finally.

Ben put his shoes on the grate beside the door and hung up his jacket. He put all his clothes in the laundry chute, knowing they'd be back the next day, and found his pajamas by his bed with a sigh. He plugged his phone in in the other room – he wasn't allowed to have it at night – and the screen sensed the time, sensed the power source, and locked him out. It would unlock at five thirty the next morning when he'd have to get up to go to the school for an early morning tourney practice. Hopefully, he'd have time to finish homework during his first period.

Ben flipped off the lights and collapsed onto his bed face-down. The pillows let out a whoosh of air as his face sank deeper into them. He could already feel his eyes closing as the sweet embrace of sleep came up to capture him.

He turned onto his side, blinked twice, and noticed a light coming out from under the doorway. Ben groaned pitifully, swung his feet back over the side of the bed, and walked to the door. He twisted the knob. It whirred a little as he opened it – just like his dad's office door, and he opened it into the other room.

Light blinded him, and all of the sleepiness vanished from his mind. He stared in shock at the other side of the door. It had changed in the few seconds it's taken him to walk back to the door. The ceilings were higher, with wood paneling and brick overlays. A large dark brown desk sat in front of a window that was looking out on the palace grounds, and there were large boxes sitting around the room, filled to the brim with items. It looked… exactly like his dad's office, only unpacked and a little updated.

Ben turned back around and examined his room, sheathed in darkness. To his surprise, his frame was still visible, lying on top of the sheets with his head tilted to the side at an angle he knew he'd regret when he got up the next day. He turned back to the light, shut the door, and watched in shock as it vanished. The real door was to his right, up against the wall and on the north side. He moved to put his hands into his pockets by force of habit and discovered he was wearing tan pants with a watch on his wrist. A blue shirt was tucked into a belt with a simple Auradon crest buckle completing the look. His hair was combed. He looked like he was accompanying his parents somewhere.

The boxes around the room were labeled with a sturdy, yet curly scrawl. Probably a woman's handwriting. One read: "Tax Records Year 20-48. Take to Records." Ben examined the box tactfully. Auradon measured years based on when the country had been formed. It was the year 18. He'd be taking the throne in two years, when he was sixteen, during year twenty. Twenty, as in the number inscribed on the box. Ben swallowed.

"Are you my two o'clock meeting?" A voice came from the doorway. Ben jumped and spun around. He hadn't heard if the door had opened or not, but he could suddenly see out into the hallway. In the doorway stood a tall, handsome man who looked like he was in his forties, though he had evidently aged well. He still had his hair, though laugh wrinkles had pressed themselves around his mouth and eyes. He held a perfect posture, an upright stance, and a kind smile stretched across a familiar face.

"Two o'clock?" Ben stuttered, watching in awe as the man stepped further into the room, examining him with kind eyes.

"Ah, yes. That'd be you." The man nodded, shutting the door and then walking past him. "Sorry for the mess; we're almost all cleaned out. You know, you're my very last official meeting as King?" He smiled at Ben, and then pulled a chair from the side of the room and placed it in front of the desk. He walked around the desk, sat down in his own chair, a black leather chair on wheels, and gestured to the seat. "Do you know who I am?" The man asked.

Ben took the back of the chair in his hands and sat down with a swallow. "You-you're me, aren't you?" He asked.

The older man's smile grew brighter. "I am." He nodded, folding his hands together on top of his desk. "It doesn't quite seem like it, huh? And you're here to appraise me, correct?"

"I – I'm here to – what?" Ben stammered. He was too busy examining his older version's face. How he had even eyebrows and clear skin and thick hair. Wow, he'd never have thought he'd one day look so good. He touched the acne on his forehead and wrinkled his nose in jealousy. His older version laughed.

"Yes, I know. It'll go away soon though. I swear it's not just something mum says to make you feel better." He laughed, leaning forward. "But come on, now, Ben. Think for just a second. What's another word for Appraisal?"

"An interview," Ben replied immediately. It was one of the things his dad had drilled into his head. "It's an interview where everyone tries to find out if you've done anything wrong." He mirrored his counterpart, folding his hands together in his lap and twiddling his fingers nonchalantly.

"That's right." King Ben nodded. His smile remained bright and proud. "Now, Ben," He began, "Can you guess how old I am now?"

Ben swallowed and glanced back to the box he'd been looking at earlier. "Well, you – I – was born in year four, so… aren't you forty-four or forty-three?"

"Forty-four." King Ben nodded in assurance. "I'm thirty years older than you right now."

A chill ran down Ben's spine as he looked around at everything and took a long, slow breath. "Wow." He whispered. "That's a long time."

"It flies by." King Ben agreed. "It still does for me. I go to bed every night and I wonder where the hours went. They're flying faster now that I'm leaving office."

"You said I'm your last meeting?" Ben asked, attention snapping back to his counterpart. "Then… you must be passing the throne on?"

"On Monday." King Ben affirmed. "This is my last meeting, and then my family will help me take everything out, and tomorrow is Sunday, so nothing will happen and we'll spend the day together. Then on Monday, a new ruler will take the throne."

"But if you're passing the throne on, then that means-" Ben's mouth ran a bit dry. "Do you – do I – have children?"

"I have children; you will have children." King Ben confirmed with a brighter, proud smile. "That's how a monarchy works, Ben."

"Of course." Ben stuttered with eyes large as he dug his fingernails into the edge of the chair. "And they'll be sixteen, so they were born-"

"I was twenty-eight." King Ben cut him off. "My wife and I… she wanted to put it off. We were married for almost seven years before our first baby was born."

"Seven years." Ben echoed, sliding down into his chair a little.

"I was twenty-one when I married her." King Ben smiled. "Do you want to know her name?"

"Can I?" Ben asked. "I mean, am I allowed to? What if I wake up and then I know-"

"Then you wake up and you know who she is." King Ben shrugged. "And you keep your mouth shut and you hang back to give her some time and space and you tell her when you're about, oh," He glanced to the side coyly as if he were pretending to brainstorm a date. "When you're marrying her in three days and she asks how you're sure she's the right person."

Ben's mouth fell open. "You already did this?" He asked.

King Ben nodded. "It's been a very long time since I sat in that chair." He hummed. "Kind of strange to see you here; not going to lie." He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. "Go on, then, see if you can guess who she is."

"Audrey," Ben asked immediately. His hands were tightening into fists as his heart rate increased.

King Ben shook his head and closed his eyes as if he were reminiscing about something. "Audrey and you break up when you go after the girl you'll make your queen. She gets married to Chad, and that unites all three of those kingdoms, and they had a son together who became the King of their states a few years ago."

Ben's mouth dropped open. "What about Lonnie?" He asked. "Lonnie and I have gone out. Is it Lonnie?"

King Ben straightened up very carefully and pursed his lips a little. "It's not Lonnie." He shook his head. "Lonnie married someone from… a different land. His name was Jay. They moved up to Northern Wei and had twin girls together. They don't take a throne up there until they reach twenty, though, and they're only twelve."

Ben swallowed. "Is it Jane?" He asked. He could see himself going for Jane. Jane was quiet and kind, if a little vain and reserved. However, he was shocked to see a deep frown cross his counterpart's face.

"Jane marries a boy named Carlos." He told Ben. "Who also comes from a different land. The same one as Jay, actually. And we're friends, but she said something that hurt my wife very badly in her youth, and so I've never even held a one-on-one conversation with her since we left Auradon Prep." He leaned forward and looked at young Ben. "Do you want me to tell you now?" He asked.

Ben pulled his chair closer to the desk and nodded eagerly. "Yes." He whispered.

A ghostly smile crossed King Ben's face. He threaded his fingers together. "Her name is Mal," He confided, whispering the name like it was a secret or a treasure.

Ben wrinkled his nose. "Mal." He repeated, testing the name on his tongue. It seemed to stick. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine what she might be like, but nothing came to mind. "I don't know her." He told King Ben, who shook his head.

"She comes from that different land I was telling you about." King Ben hummed.

"Where?" Ben asked, putting his hands on the desk in anticipation.

King Ben stood up and went to look to the south, out the window behind his desk. Ben stood up and looked over the desk. In the distance, he could see a hazy green barrier flicking into and out of his gaze. His mouth went dry. "The Isle of the Lost?" He asked.

King Ben turned back around. "Tell me, Ben, what do you think 'Mal' is short for?" He sat down on a corner of his desk and hooked his hands around his knees as he waited for an answer.

Ben's mind raced with fifty thoughts. Mal, as a prefix, meant Bad. Evil. Rotten. He skimmed his list of memorized villains and suddenly stopped on the large, overbearing, obvious one. "Maleficent?" He asked.

"Is that a problem?" King Ben asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No," Ben decided, though he sat down in surprise. "Not if she's the one. It doesn't matter who her mom is. And, well, the kingdom is obviously fine, so…" He shrugged.

"She's the one." King Ben affirmed. "It's true love." He sat back down in his chair and smiled. "We've been married almost twenty-five years, and every day is better than the last."

"And now you won't be King anymore?" Ben asked, sitting down as well. "It'll be your… son?"

"I won't be." King Ben agreed. "And our daughter, actually. Her name is Colette." He got up and walked to a box that read: "Knick-knacks". From this, he withdrew a framed photograph and held it out to Ben. Ben took it with shaking hands. It was a photo of a girl looking over her shoulder a little bit. Long, long purple hair was swept over her shoulder as she smiled at the camera with perfect, white, straight teeth. Her eyes were brown, just like his. He felt all the breath leave his lungs.

"Colette." He repeated, tracing a finger down the side of her face. "She's… beautiful."

"Just wait until I show you a picture of Mal." King Ben chuckled, shuffling a little in his box. He pulled out a second photo and handed it to Ben. "Those are all the kids," He told him, before hefting a larger picture out of the box and setting it beside the desk. Ben examined the second photo. Four children in various degrees of attentiveness were captured behind the glass. The oldest, Colette, was leaning into a couch with her sister, who also had dark, lush, purple hair, leaning into her side. Two boys were wrestling a pillow between them while they faked that they were looking at the photographer. One had the same purple hair and was older, and the other was the only child with tan, sandy hair. Ben examined them all. They looked like they all had his skin color, except for one of the girls. And two of them had brown eyes, and two had green. That meant he was heterozygous dominant for brown, he realized with a smirk. All those boring science classes must have pounded something into him after all.

"Why did we let them all dye their hair?" He asked King Ben, who had gone back to sitting on a corner of his desk as he watched young Ben evaluate his future family.

"We didn't." King Ben responded with a laugh. "It grows in like that. They all have naturally purple hair. My wife was devastated."

"But they look so good!" Ben frowned. "They're the most beautiful kids in all of Auradon!"

"You should see Evie's." King Ben smiled. "They're pretty cute too. I prefer my own, of course, but anyone with Evie's genes is bound to be gorgeous." He rubbed his hands together and stood up to wander the room. "Mal was upset because it makes them easy to spot. Also, she says she likes my hair, but whatever. I honestly think that as the generations go by, the purple hair will just come to be a mark of royalty. Our youngest son Damien is the only person to escape the purple hair gene, and now he's devastated because he doesn't match."

Ben snorted and put a finger on the blonde-haired boy in the photo. "Damien." He repeated.

"And Jordan is our older son." King Ben filled him in. "He's just a little younger than you are now. And the last girl is Annalee. She's a real cuddler. You don't appreciate that now, but when you get off after a meeting and she wants to cuddle beside you, you'll understand." He folded his arms in pride as he watched Ben take it all in.

"Mal's hair must be purple then, and she must have green eyes," Ben mumbled. His cheeks grew a little warm. Could it be possible he'd made these people with someone?

"On the money." King Ben replied.

Ben rubbed the glass to get some imaginary dust off of it. "How old are they all now? Except for Colette. I already know she's sixteen."

"Jordan is thirteen." King Ben began. "And then the twins are only six. That means I still have a few years." He brushed his hair out of his face. "Mal and I sort of want to try for a fifth kid now that we're losing Colette, but we don't know. She might be too old now."

Ben glanced down to the frame that King Ben had set beside his feet and gasped in shock. A beautiful hand-painted portrait of what he assumed was a goddess with dark, curly, perfectly purple hair was leaned against the desk. He put the photo down and picked it up. The woman in the painting was, without a doubt, gorgeous. Her lashes were long, her lips held an even pink color, and her eyes were the same bright, vibrant green he'd seen on his future children. "Mal," He whispered, the name rolling off his tongue and sticking immediately to the person whose portrait he held in his hands.

"Isn't she lovely?" King Ben asked in pride. "I had that commissioned for our tenth anniversary. She'd had Colette three years before and was actually pregnant with Jordan then." He leaned down a little to see the portrait. "It's a shame I couldn't have her paint it herself, but it still turned out beautiful despite that."

"She paints?" Ben asked. He could scarcely rip his eyes away from the lady on the canvas to look up at his counterpart. King Ben nodded with a smile and pulled a booklet out of the box he'd been foraging through. He took the painting out of Ben's hands and replaced it with the booklet, though Ben was sad to see it go. He cracked the booklet open and discovered a watercolor drawing of a baby sitting in the sunlight, surrounded by toys. Beside it was a detailed pencil sketch of a little girl with braided hair. The inscription 'Colette' was underneath it.

Ben flipped through the booklet slowly, examining everything inside of it. He noticed that while the children's full names were almost always used, Colette tended to be shortened to 'Co-co'. "Can I see more?" He asked, closing the book carefully and then leaned back over the portrait of the girl who'd done them, Mal.

King Ben laughed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was the same type Ben used, but obviously years ahead of him. King Ben found what he wanted on the screen and carefully pressed the screen into his palm. Ben stared at the screen. On it was himself, older, with his arm around the girl, Mal, and they were taking their photo in front of a crowd at a gala or some other function. The queen's crown was on her head and the King's crown on his, though his was at an angle. He swiped left and found a picture of Jordan, the oldest boy, with whipped cream on his cheek as he smiled at the camera. Another swipe left revealed a picture of Mal, though her figure was misshapen around her middle and she was rolling her eyes exasperatedly at the camera while keeping a little hand to her torso. Ben's mouth went dry. He studied the image, every pixel, until King Ben elbowed him with another laugh. "You did that." He reminded Ben. The fourteen-year-old turned beet red and hunched his shoulders before he quickly moved on, prompting more laughs from his older counterpart.

"I still have a question." Ben sighed, handing King Ben's phone back to him after a while. "Well, a couple, really. But the big one is… how did I meet Mal?"

"You mean how did you navigate around the barrier?" King Ben laughed, taking a seat back in his chair. Ben picked up the portrait again and then set the photo of the kids in front of it so he could look back and forth between the two and nodded to King Ben's words. "It wasn't easy." The forty-four-year-old sighed. "Your parents weren't the happiest at the beginning of that adventure, though they did get used to it."

"Oh, Mom and Dad!" Ben blurted out, interrupting his older self. "Are they still alive? What happens to them?"

"They're still alive." King Ben laughed. "And well, too. They' be around for many more years. But, as I was saying, they're not going to be one-hundred percent on-board with your plan. You're going to have to hold your ground a little. Eventually, they'll come back around and say you were right."

"But how?" Ben asked. "What am I supposed to hold my ground on?"

King Ben stared at him with a blank expression. Ben felt the gears in his head begin to turn. "You said that Jay and Carlos came from a different land. And you also mentioned Evie. She must be the daughter of the Evil Queen. They must all come from the Isle of the Lost. You – I – let children from the Isle of the Lost come over."

"You pick the first ones, and then your 'core four' pick everyone else." King Ben affirmed. "And you meet Mal when she comes over. You'll know her face the moment she appears. You get to step forward and shake her hand. She won't be too hot on you at first but give it time. She likes sarcastic jokes and strawberries. Within a month of meeting, you'll be dating."

"What's she like?" Ben asked, tracing the tip of his finger over Mal's purple locks in the portrait on his lap.

"Amazing." King Ben exhaled. "She'll become the most important person in your life. She's strong, she's kind. She likes tight hugs and soft kisses, and she goes crazy when you wear purple. She's talented and artistic, and funny, and hard-working. She's going to be devoted to you as a girlfriend, as a fiancée, and as a wife. And while you'll both have your doubts; we turn out to be pretty awesome parents together too."

"She sounds incredible." Ben exhaled, sounding exactly like his older self. "God, where can I sign up?" He let his eyes flit off the portrait for a few seconds as a deep red color tinged his cheeks. "What's it like to kiss her?" He asked softly. His voice chose that moment to crack, and he winced, hoping that the future Ben wouldn't laugh.

King Ben's eyes sparkled. "Why are you so embarrassed?" He laughed. "You've thought about kissing girls before – I know you have."

Ben shrugged as his blush deepened. "I just didn't know if it was something you wanted me to ask." He mumbled.

King Ben nodded, leaning further back into his cheek. "It's like the heavens opened wide." He shook his head. "I swear, every kiss, I could die." Then, King Ben glanced at the younger version of himself with a smile. "But you do realize I have four children, right? I've done far more than just kiss Mal."

Ben's face turned a deeper shade of red. He set the pictures aside as King Ben laughed at his burning cheeks. "When you do start kissing her, just know she'll care a little bit more about length then about quality. About the time you have Colette is when she'll start to care about how well you can kiss her, not just how long."

"Got it." Ben nodded.

"And I know you won't value this tip now but hear me out." King Ben laughed and winked a little at him. "When you want her to go crazy on you, wear something purple. Just the sight of her color on you is usually enough to set her off."

Ben made a disgruntled, uncomfortable sound and covered his face with his hands as red seared his cheeks again. King Ben couldn't hold back his loud laughter as Ben tried to compose himself. He pulled one knee up onto his leg and examined the young man. "You'll be a fine king." He told him. "You'll do just swell. And with Mal by your side, really, there's no way for you to mess up. You'll be a fine king, a wonderful father, and, according to Mal, a fantastic husband."

"Do I pass science?" Ben blurted out and then realized that was probably a stupid question to ask a man who hadn't attended his school or taken his classes in thirty years.

King Ben pulled a card out of his pocket. "I knew you were going to ask, so I went and looked it up." He told Ben and cleared his throat. "You squeak past with a B-. Just make sure and retake that genetics and Mendelian test, and you'll be fine. It should be a lot easier now that you have some real-life applications." He spread his arms across the pictures on his desk. Ben nodded in agreement. There wasn't a doubt in his head that this was for real.

"I can't believe these are my kids." Ben gasped a little. "I mean, I can see my eyes and my hair on Damien, and Colette has my skin – This is incredible! I wish this was my life right now."

"It will be, one day." King Ben smiled. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"So many." Ben gasped. "But… I guess most of them will be answered soon enough." He hesitated. "Did Dad ever figure out what to do to help Arendelle and Weselton sort things out?"

"I have no clue." King Ben shook his head. "Probably not since they still fight today."

Ben wrinkled his nose. That meant he'd have to deal with it. "Do I get to meet Maleficent?" He asked. King Ben shook his head with a quiet smile, and Ben sighed. "Do you have any advice on how to be a good husband?" He asked.

King Ben's eyebrows shot up. "That's a very mature question." He hummed and shrugged. "I forgot to mention this, but Mal is magical. And every once in a while she likes to experiment with her powers. Don't get down on her. Let her have that little freedom and everything will be fine."

"Okay." Ben nodded with a dry mouth. "What do you think I should be the most excited for?"

King Ben straightened up and fixed the cuffs on his sleeves. "That's another mature question." He hummed. "I don't know. I haven't finished living yet. I can give you a small list." At his words, Ben straightened up and took a deep breath. King Ben began to count on his fingers. "You meet and marry an amazing girl who you remain madly in love with years later, You change the lives of hundreds of kids by introducing them to the ways of good, you're renowned for being a doting father while also keeping up on every single one of your responsibilities, and you end up making some pretty amazing kids with your fabulously sexy wife, so I'd say you've got loads to look forward to." King Ben put his fingertips together and smiled at Ben. "Especially on that last point." He told him.

"I can't wait," Ben replied honestly, staring down at the pictures across the desk.

The door across the room opened and Ben whipped around to see who'd walked in. A little girl with a full head of purple hair snuck around the corner and then dashed towards the desk. King Ben held out his hands and scooped her up as she reached him. He tickled her sides and made funny growling sounds like he was pretending to eat her while she shrieked and pulled on his shirt a little. She had pale skin, very different from Ben's, but dark brown eyes.

"Daddy it's you!" Annalee pointed across the desk at Ben.

King Ben set her up on his knee and nodded. "It is." He affirmed. "Annalee, can you say hi to Ben?" Annalee waved shyly at him from her Dad's arms and then curled her face into his chest, balling her little fists up in his shirt. A cuddler, just like King Ben had said. He examined everything about her, from how short she was, to how her nails were painted a peeling pink, to her he could even see a bit of his mom's face in hers. And she'd called King Ben 'Daddy'. That joyful sound rang in his ears over and over. That'd be him one day. It'd be him.

King Ben looked up towards the door and his smile, which had remained permanently etched onto his face since Ben had first seen him enter the office grew wider and softer all at the same time. His eyes sparkled as he focused on a point just over Ben's shoulder and he leaned up a little to greet the person behind them all. Ben's heart thudded in his chest as he turned around slowly.

There was a swish of purple hair and the smell of acrylic paint. A lady with the same dark purple hair that, true to King Ben's words, was like a royal trademark, stepped into the room. She was wearing black paint-splattered jeans and a purple and green shirt, and a purple and green jacket with metallic studs was slung over her shoulder. She set a hand on Ben's shoulder as she walked by and leaned down to kiss his cheek. Her touch was soft, and her skin was like silk. Ben felt every hair rise up on end as he watched her pass with wide eyes. Queen Mal crossed behind the desk and leaned down to share a kiss – a proper one – with her husband. Ben felt a little like he was watching his parents kiss as he watched Mal withdraw with a smile and a glance down to their little girl, even though it was only himself many years older.

"Watch out, she'll go to sleep." Queen Mal warned King Ben with a laugh. "She just trashed my art studio, so I brought her down here to put her energy to use moving you out of Colette's office." She set her hand on her husband's shoulder. Her nails were short and unpainted if you didn't count the dozens of colors stretching up her skin.

"You being naughty?" King Ben asked Annalee, picking a bit of brown paint off of her cheek. Annalee shook her head and burrowed deeper into his shirt. Ben's heart was thumping in his chest. King Ben glanced over at his younger counterpart with a smile like he knew exactly how he was feeling. The king looked up at his wife and gestured to the young child snuggling deeper into his arms. "We made her." He reminded her. "I think we did a pretty good job."

"I think so too." Queen Mal hummed and smiled. She leaned into King Ben's side, balancing on the chair, and looked across the desk to Ben. Ben straightened up a little, pulling on his sleeves so they weren't bunching up around his armpits and hoping she didn't notice the acne spread across his forehead like trash on a beach. "How'd I get so lucky?" She mumbled, and Ben was taken aback because really, he wasn't that nice to look at yet. If his skin was real estate for zits then his chin and hairline were beach-front property, and he was lanky with big feet and he was pretty sure the cut he'd gotten in tourney over his eyebrow hadn't completely healed yet, but there wasn't much he could do.

There was a sound like a hiss behind them and they all turned to watch a door – the same door Ben had first entered through – appear in the wall. King Ben carefully pulled Annalee up onto his shoulder and stood up, and it was around this time Ben realized that Queen Mal was extremely short. "It's time for you to go." King Ben told his young protégé. "You'll be waking up soon."

"I still have so much I want to hear about." Ben mourned. "Like about Colette and Jordan and Damien? I want to hear all about them."

"You will," Mal assured him. "And believe me, your story is like nothing you've imagined so far. You're going to be blown away."

Ben stood up and King Ben wandered around his desk. "Do you want her before you go?" He asked, gesturing to Annalee. "She's light."

Ben immediately stretched forth his hands and King Ben set the small girl against his chest. She curled her fists into his shirt and leaned her head into his collar, and Ben felt his heart rate speed up. This girl didn't even exist yet to him, and already she meant the entire world. He hugged her to him, afraid to squeeze her too tightly, and then a light came from under the door he was supposed to enter. "Time to go." King Ben announced and help his arms out for his daughter. Ben returned her to him grudgingly and glanced at the door.

"Come, now." Queen Mal put a hand on his shoulder and led him towards the door. "And Ben, one thing from me before you go back if you don't mind." She smiled, and Ben straightened up a little and met her eyes. "When you first see me, I don't exactly… look like me. I'm dark and I'm angsty and I've never known love my entire life. So don't be scared to talk to me. I started to fall for you because you kept coming back around and showing you cared."

"I will – or, I won't be scared, that is," Ben assured her, and then fumbled with his hands. Was he supposed to shake her hand? Or could they hug since she was technically married to him thirty years into the future? Queen Mal solved the issue for him. She took hold of his shirt and leaned up to kiss his cheek. He felt his entire face erupt into red.

"So long." Ben waved to the King of Auradon, who raised a hand to send him off.

Queen Mal skimmed his hairline and hummed. "I'm so glad we're not teenagers anymore." She told King Ben with a chuckle. "Well, goodbye Ben. I'll see you in, what two years?"

"He doesn't know when he's meeting you yet." King Ben filled her in. She nodded with a sound of understanding, and Ben wanted to ask when he'd meet his Mal when the door opened and a white wind filled the room, making the light unbelievably bright and drowning out his vision. When fuzzy pictures started to remanifest themselves to him, he realized he was back in his room with his alarm clock blaring on the other side of the bed. He was on top of the covers, in his pajamas, and with a very bad crick in his neck. He sat up and felt his body. Nothing had changed or felt different. Had it all been a dream?

Then he looked up and noticed a card sitting on his headboard. On the front was the king's insignia. It looked exactly like the cards his dad would send out to people to let them know they had meetings coming up. He flipped it over, holding his breath, and read the back.

Crown Prince Benjamin is hereby formally invited to the King's Offices on the Evening of August the twenty-seventh at the time of two o'clock for a Life Appraisal. Please dress appropriately."

And really, you couldn't get more blatantly specific than that.

[temmie-loony]

Speedy^3′s kids

They got three kids.

Iris Belle West II

Wally and Jesse’s child

The older fraternal twin of JJ West by twenty-two minutes

She’s the oldest child, born on January 8, 2018

Like both parents, she is a speedster metahuman

Unlike Dawn, she’s still learning the language of the Speed Force

She can understand better than she can speak it and she can’t write anything at all except that stupid “This house is bitchin’” reference

Growing up, she was always affectionately called ‘Kid Flash’ by her Uncle Barry

Her dad has long let go of the hero name Kid Flash and instead goes by Flash but only when he’s with the Legends; when he’s chilling in CC, the locals still refer to him as Kid Flash

So now she’s the newest Kid Flash of Central City in Earth-1

Thank goodness that she didn’t go through the same dilemma about her hero name like her cousin Connor did

Her suit kind of resembles that of her mother’s but has a lot more yellow incorporated in it as a tribute to her father of course

She also added laces at the sides as a tribute to her other mother

She occasionally visits Earth-2 to visit her Grampa Harry, where people over there call her Flash Jr.

Meh she doesn’t complain too much about it

She mostly trains with Team Flash since it’s easier receiving instruction from other speedsters who’ve already honed in on their skills

Sometimes, she’ll head on over to Earth-38 to train with Alex Danvers because apparently her combat skills still suck but only if Dawn is there

Connor, even though she loves him, is a headache

Having graduated from high school early (at fifteen), she chose to attend college over on Earth-2 so she could have multiple majors with no one looking at her funny for being an overachiever

She knows she’s probably slowly burning herself out but she loves the material as much as she loves saving people

Although she does complain a lot about the amount of work she has to do every day to her friends, siblings and cousins

She still has no idea what she’ll do once she’s done with her degrees

Meh she’ll probably end up working for STAR Labs

She just has to figure out if that means Earth-1 STAR Labs or Earth-2 STAR Labs

Iris was pretty mad that Thea got Oliver, Barry and Kara’s kid to be named after her and when Barry confirmed that they weren’t planning on having any more kids, she promptly turned to her other brother and demanded that their first daughter will be named after her

Unlike Dawn though who is referred to by her middle name, she is referred to by her nickname: Irey

Thea tried teaching her archery but she’s so bad at it because grabbing an arrow, pulling back and aiming all take time and she doesn’t like things that take time

She’s an incredible multitasker 

And that actually has nothing to do with her speed; she just doesn’t like wasting time

Connor likes to make her race him but, like his races with Dawn, he ends up losing

She’s a bit slower than Dawn but at least she’s still faster than Connor

She’s closest with her Aunt Iris, Pawpaw Joe, Zari, Ray and Grampa Harry.

She calls Wally “Dad” or “Daddy”

She calls Jesse “Mom”

She calls Thea “Momma”

Johnny Jai West

Wally and Jesse’s child

The younger fraternal twin of Iris West II by twenty-two minutes

The middle child, born on January 8, 2018

He was once, in fact, a speedster like his twin

However, after years of already having his powers, Caitlin had belatedly found an anomaly in his DNA

He began to become horribly sick, which seemed to worsen by the day

No one knew why at first until Caitlin, Cisco, Alex and Jesse realized it had something to do with the Speed Force

It wasn’t their parents or any of the veteran heroes that saved him but his twin

“I’m sorry, JJ, but the Speed Force said the only way to save you was to sever your connection to it and...”

“Hey, it’s cool, sis. You saved my life. I owe you one.”

His nickname is JJ

He got his first name by Thea opening up a baby book and blindly pointing at one of the names

He got his second name as a tribute to Jay Garrick, who helped save Wally from imprisonment in the Speed Force by taking his place

He’s affectionately called Johnny Quick by Team Flash, especially when he still had his powers

They don’t call him that as much anymore, out of respect that he’s essentially had an important part of himself ripped away and calling him that would just be a cruel reminder

He’s a brilliant engineer but not so much an excellent student

He’s not the greatest at tests (why do schools rely on memorization as a way of measuring intelligence instead of actually measuring their intelligence?) but you could give him just about anything broken without saying anything and it’ll take some time for him to figure out what’s wrong before fixing that thing better than it ever was in an hour

Having Connor as a cousin and a constant presence had really made him consider not going to college at all but he found this university that cultivates knowledge and favors experience over stuff like tests so he applied and that’s where he’s attending college

Since William’s place is pretty close to the college, William offered him the other guest room since the bigger one is unofficially Connor’s

It’s been pretty dope so far

He really wants to take on the family business of becoming a superhero but ever since he lost his powers, it really felt like he lost his identity and was stripped of his heritage

Obviously, he doesn’t need powers to become a hero but having the Speed Force severed from him was traumatic 

He’ll probably take up John Diggle’s offer or even Alex Danvers’ offer of training properly with their respective agencies, but for now he just wants to distance himself from all that insanity and try to live a regular life

Had he still had his powers, he says his code name would have been ‘Impulse’

Like his father, he’s an incredibly talented dancer

When they both have some free time, he’d team up with Dawn for mini-performances for places that would hook them up with a gig

He’s suspected to be dating someone but will deny for as long as he can

He’s closest to William, Cisco, Nate, Felicity, Winn, Curtis and Uncle Barry

He calls Wally “Dad”

He calls Jesse “Mom”

He calls Thea “Momma” or “Ma”

Olivia Laurel West

Wally and Thea’s child

She is the last born but only by a few months

She was born on June 1, 2018

Her parents expected her to be a regular baby, but Caitlin did some tests and actually found the metagene present in her DNA

Her powers started manifesting when she was a toddler

She was definitely more problematic as a child compared to Irey and JJ when they too got their powers

She was a brat and often asked for attention, barely acknowledging her siblings except when she really had to or wanted something in return

That all changed when JJ started getting sick 

She was actually the first person to witness JJ’s descent into his sickness when he passed out shortly after vomiting what seemed like the entirety of his lunch and maybe even breakfast too

Then Irey got hurt pretty bad on what was supposed to be a relatively easy mission

Now she’s extremely protective of her siblings, especially when it concerns Irey’s missions or JJ’s love life

Oh by the way, she’s definitely sure JJ is dating someone, despite his claims that he’s not

She has absolutely no proof but...

She just knows okay?

She can feel it

She is most definitely spoiled but not to Dawn’s level

Unlike her siblings, she’s not that great at being an intellectual

She considers herself average

When someone argues that she had straight A’s and did extracurriculars in high school, she points out that she worked hard for them, not because she’s a genius like her siblings

She’ll also be going to college but took a gap year to help her sister (and occasionally her cousins too) as a vigilante

Since Thea retired, she stole inherited her mother’s suit and mask sans the bow

She can do archery just fine; she just prefers using her speed over using arrows

Archery is something she loves doing but only recreationally

Intentionally shooting people is something she has a problem reconciling with

Since she’s not creative at all with names or even have the desire to think of one, she just took the name Speedy but it wasn’t her idea

For a while, she operated without a code name, which was obviously problematic since calling her by her real name on the field wasn’t at all doable

One day, while visiting Team Arrow Jr Team Light Team Light Arrow her brother’s kids team, with Irey and Liv teaming up with them, Thea slammed her hands on William’s desk and, through the comms, angrily told Liv to just take the name Speedy so her civilian identity wouldn’t get compromised simply because they had nothing to call her

So that’s how she got the code name ‘Speedy’

She sees Dawn as a little sister and Connor almost like a best friend (almost only because John Diggle Jr. would kick her ass)

She doesn’t see William as often as she sees Dawn and Connor but she loves him all the same

Connor keeps pushing to have a race with him and the others

She always shoots him down because she knows her limits

She knows she’s definitely slower than both Dawn and Irey

She doesn’t know if she’s slower than Connor though

She doesn’t race them because, in the end, hero-ing isn’t her calling like it is for Dawn, Irey and Connor

She just helps them out because she has the ability to

She’s obviously named after Oliver because Oliver made Thea name her after him

Her middle name is Laurel to honor Dinah Laurel Lance

She goes by Liv

She’s still salty her last name isn’t Queen

She calls Wally “Dad” or “Daddy”

She calls Jesse “Mom”

She calls Thea “Momma” 

yep i finally gave thea/wally/jesse kids because i have very poor impulse control okay bye

[ofthingschanged]

Canon Divergence from Descendants 

                                 Please note that I have not read the books yet so it is likely to change

Please note that anything that involves her mother or others can be plotted out differently and I will not control the past of our characters!

«  Mal does not sing, her mother hates the sound so Mal doesn’t really know that she has a great voice until she is hanging out with the core three (since she is the fourth).  « She doesn’t trust Evie, Carlos, or Jay (Jay yes, she sort of trusts him given that I guess in the books they are partners in crime) « Malnourished, underweight since the Isle doesn’t exactly get the fresh food that Auradon does, therefore, some food scraps or next to nothing to eat although Mal and her mother are on top of the food chain so they do get scraps more often than others. « Mal afraid of her mother and all of the power that she holds (even without magic Maleficent owns the Isle in her own special way) « Abusive life that Mal has lead from her mother withholding food because she was not wicked and evil enough to eat, to getting beat for breaking something, to the emotional abuse that she suffered since she was just a little thing. She learned that you had to be mean, cruel, not soft and have no friends because it shows that you are weak. These thoughts and learned behaviors just don’t go away. She learned to be whoever someone wants her to be because it would lead her to less pain which explains why in the second movie she is using magic, trying to be the girlfriend she thinks Ben would want. « The Isle is messy, filled with villains just trying to survive although death doesn’t happen on the Isle anyways. « When her mother wanted her to be her so Mal was NEVER good enough. Being told “That’s my nasty little girl.” makes her feel something amazing like her mother loves her almost so she always craves that next time she says it. «  When told to get the wand, it wasn’t on the threat of being grounded but the threat of death or at least a fate worse than death. « She still dates Ben into the second and third film BUT it is a lot of working on the relationship. This is ONLY with Ben’s that ship them as I will adjust Mal as single. etc when other’s don’t ship it or Audrey is with Ben. « Mal is still the daughter of Hades BUT I won’t force this on Hades players  « She doesn’t ask where the wand is right off the bat to Ben and the others, she doesn’t play the whole magic here game because duh people would catch on to what was happening or going to happen sooner! « A week is not long enough to really make connections with others. The only person she really has a connection with is Ben when it comes to Auradon. I am willing to do a plot where Ben and Mal get together in between the 1 and 2 films while attending school there. « “You sound just like your mom” both hurts and brings her a sense of pride. «  When Mal walks into Jay’s and Carlos’s dorm, she spells it so only the core four can hear what is said inside the room « Mal has small scars littering her whole body and a big one from  « In the museum, there is no singing moment, Mal does not stay behind to stare at her mother’s statue.

« She has a huge scar on her stomach where her mother once stabbed her in the stomach

« Mal is an amazing artist and when she gets to stay at the school and does work at an animal shelter does she use that money to buy art supplies. If she is King Ben’s girlfriend, clearly her time to work is like next to nothing but when a rumor is spread that she is great at art does art supplies seem to come in for her to use «  Mal’s locker does not have a spraypainted logo on her locker as there was no time to settle in

« She still does Jane’s hair and other’s with magic

« Mal gets a few tattoos that I will write about at some point in time 

« Mal gets herself a pet after the barrier goes down in a sense. 

« The barrier doesn’t come down like it does in the third movie. The children come over without a background check generally BUT the adults? Are not allowed off the island.

« Mal has PTSD,  generalized anxiety, and depression. Has nightmares often that will keep her awake all night long, will avoid things that remind her of past trauma.

« Mal hasn’t dated before but that doesn’t mean that she hasn’t made out with others

« Making cookies and giving one to Ben is more than just one cookie because it would look strange to just give just one. The cookie she takes out of the bag is the one that is filled with magic.

« Going to Ben's game and having him sing to her is amazing. She feels warm and light but she acts less than impressed for sure.

« The date that Ben takes Mal on is the first date she has ever been on.

« Mal can not swim during the first movies time but she learns after that, takes swim lessons 

« Mal wants to break Ben’s love spell it makes sense. She didn’t want to be cruel, it proves that she has a heart.

« Honestly, everyone walks around thinking they are better than the VK’s and that the VK’s are horrible just like their parents. Everyone judges their mistakes TEN times worse than if someone from Auradon makes the same mistake

«  Mal swears...a lot. Her mother didn’t care if she swore either. 

« Going against her mother is the HARDEST thing that she has ever had to do. Breaking the cycle is hard on her as well.

« Mal mostly uses spells on herself such as spelling her hair to be blonde (Dove Cameron’s blonde not the blonde wig that she wore at the start of the second movie)

« Auradon seems to believe in females have their rules and males have another that is the first thing that Mal would ask to change by taking out the whole females aren’t allowed to fence rule.

« Mal giving Carlos the truth gummies and finding out that because Dude at it that he can talk, you best believe when Mal gets a dog that she gives them a truth gummy 

« Mal has a habit of calling Uma “Shrimpy” among other sea-related terms

« Apparently there is a sandbox and a few other toys for children of the Isle because Mal wouldn’t let Uma play in her sandbox when they were little

« Mal tends to her pet lizard and let’s just say she spoils her freaking mother “lizard” 

« Dizzy doing her hair is a way to be herself and she can pay Dizzy well which is honestly needed. Dizzy and Evie are the ones that do her hair sometimes but for the most part, Mal uses magic to change things about herself.

« Mal goes back to the isle because at least there she knows how things work, she can play the game of life easier.

« Spraypainting things in the hideout isn’t something Mal does given that they are given leftovers so drawing on napkins, old test paper, etc is more likely than getting a brand new spray can and using it against a wall.

« It physically hurts to turn into a dragon because her bones are breaking, shifting, lengthening to become something so much larger than a human. She aches for an hour after she turns back to human form but she truly does love flying around and being free. She can not change into a dragon when she is pregnant so when Ben and Mal decide to have children, it is likely that she will notice she is pregnant because she can’t change into her dragon form.

« The villains are moved to a prison, not an island where magic is useless and they are able to die after the events in d3 is how it goes. Children that are born in prison are taken away from the villain parents the moment it is born

« Mal’s eyes shine a teal coloring not the green in the movies. They are mixed in color because of who her parents are. 

« Mal gets wounded when fighting with Uma, it hits her in the stomach where her scar is from her mother, she gets it the last second before Evie throws that colorful bomb. She heals fast thanks to who her father is. 

« VK Day is a horrible thing, won’t be happening here! The VKs come over to go to school there, all the kids or none at all in Mal’s book

« Mal doesn’t think the barrier should be taken down BUT she does think that the children should be removed from the Isle and that is what she tells everyone in the room when asked what they should do.