#Jen💙

[yonglixx]

my love 💙 i hope u are doing alright, heres a little friday night rec !!! i love u the most ☁💓☺

Jen🥺🥺 The lyrics are so comforting 🥺 thank you so much my love 💙💙🥺🥰 ilu and i miss you 💙💕☀️🥰

[orangehair]

hope... the new url !!!!!! 🥺💗💗💗💕💕💕

it's cute right!?🩷🥺

[azurevoltage]

💙

[sgt-seabass]

Hey Ambs!

Drabble request!

Being Dark Daddy Lloyd’s good little puppy…

𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆

✧˚ · . 𝘓𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘺.

pairing — lloyd hansen x puppy!reader w/c — 1.9k (i thought this would be under 1k. i was wrong) this is a dark fic. 18+ only. warnings — puppy!reader, dark mean lloyd (but that's canon so lol), implied smut, butt plug tail, puppy ears, collar, lead, referenced kidnapping, referenced stokholm syndrome, pet play, referenced punishment, violence and murder (not towards lloyd or reader), kinda victim blaming if you squint but it's just lloyd being a dick on purpose cause he wants a reason to punish his pet. a/n — you know me too well lmao. okay this was seriously meant to be a drabble but now it's almost 2k whoops. i guess pet play just does that too me. i hope you enjoy and i did lloyd justice! not beta read, all mistakes and shit are mine.

Sometimes life kicks you while you’re down.

Or sometimes, you just get kidnapped by Lloyd Hansen for the world’s biggest fuck you.

The various televisions on the mansion wall do little to interest you. It’s just another operation, one of many that Lloyd runs from his secluded safehouse. It wasn’t home. Nothing was cosy about the intricate and obnoxious crown moulding or various paintings scattered about.

It was all a façade, much like Lloyd himself.

He put on the act that he was better than everyone else, that his skills and intelligence made him superior, but that was all bullshit.

At the end of the day, he was just as desperate for love and attention as much as the next person.

Lloyd had taken you the same day he’d sighted you working at your aunt’s café. You weren’t sure what he saw in you, but it was clear he had some interest by the way he fucked you in the car before you even got back to his safehouse.

He was ravenous. If he didn’t have his job, you had no doubt he’d spend every minute of the day fucking you over every surface.

Giving up your life was hard. Becoming Lloyd’s puppy was harder.

He didn’t want a partner; he wanted a pet. A doting little thing to follow him around. And while that wasn’t you at first, the punishments Lloyd would hand out made sure you became it quickly.

At this stage, Lloyd’s contractors had seen you humiliated, suspended naked or spanked raw. Lloyd loved to string you up and leave you to be a nice addition to the paintings in the room.

But what he loved most was you sitting at his feet. Being on your knees so much had hurt at first, but you’d grown used to it.

So, that’s where you sat. By Lloyd’s chair while he stood with a glass of scotch, intently watching the screens and yelling out orders to the various agents for hire in the room. You didn’t know who they were hunting, and you didn’t care. It was the least of your problems.

Your eyes fluttered tiredly, fatigue causing your lids to feel heavy. Lloyd had fucked your ass the night before, leaving you with a lack of sleep. No position was comfortable with the biting, stinging sensation left behind by him. In your kneeling position, you could still feel the slow seep of his cum from your tight hole.

It leaked around the tail butt plug Lloyd had put in this morning. The grey fur of the puppy tail matched your ears that were secured with a headband. Around your neck was a matching grey collar with little black crystal embellishments.

Lloyd never was one for colour. He dressed you in cute attire, but always with a muted colour palette. As if you were his gothic puppy.

You covered your mouth as you yawned, your tummy grumbling. You sighed, glancing around the room. There were snacks on the back table, but you couldn’t get to them. Lloyd had tied your lead to his chair, so you couldn’t get far.

Not that you could run anyway. Having to crawl everywhere had caused the muscles in your legs to become so weak you doubted you could stand for very long.

Plus, there was a part of you that liked this life.

It was a simple existence. Please Lloyd. Please daddy. That’s all you had to worry about.

You looked behind you and through the large window panes. It was cloudy outside, with dark clouds threatening to rain on the mansion grounds. You could smell the moisture in the air, a damp smell that brought you ease.

The world was full of darkness. People worked until they died, searching for some sense of accomplishment they’d never find. Unless you were privileged, money would be an endless struggle, and you’d likely never truly be happy.

But here, there was none of that. You were treated like a cherished pet, as Lloyd loved you in his own way. Anything you wanted, he would give you, in return for your undying loyalty.

It was admittedly nice.

Lloyd fucked you better than you could have ever deemed possible, bringing endless pleasure. He wasn’t a selfish lover. He had a sense of pride in making his puppy fall apart.

You smiled to yourself. Stockholm Syndrome or not, was it so bad if you felt happy?

Another garbled sound came from your stomach, and you sighed.

You should have eaten more for breakfast, but you were distracted by the soreness in your ass. But now you were regretting it.

A soft whine left you at the sight of the plated fruit behind you. Lloyd was fully engrossed in the screens, not even turning back to look at you. You crawled on all fours towards the platter, tail swishing behind you, only getting about halfway when your lead went taut.

It wasn’t long enough by a long shot. You looked back to Lloyd, who seemed royally pissed off about something going wrong. Yeah, not the appropriate time to ask for food. He’d probably spank your ass raw for stress relief, and you were in enough discomfort as it is.

One of Lloyd’s hired men, Brayden, walked past you to the table, and you turned to return to your spot by Lloyd’s seat. A tug on your lead caught your attention, and you looked back to see Brayden squatting at your level. You looked at him like he’d gone insane because he surely had. Lloyd would kill him for interacting with you. He didn’t take well to anyone else playing with his things. The last time someone talked to you, they lost an eye.

You looked from where Brayden held your lead, to the piece of pear in his hand, to his smiling face. Your mouth dropped open in shock. No, bad idea. Really, really bad idea.

He held out the piece of fruit, and you looked at it like it was a bomb. Because it was just as dangerous. You shook your head, unable to speak in case it caught Lloyd’s attention.

“C’mon, you’re hungry,” Brayden whispered before he moved forward, putting the piece of pear into your mouth as he held your lead so you had no escape.

He may have pitied you, but he was just as bad as Lloyd. He put you in a position you didn’t want to be in.

The sweet twang of the pear set your senses alight, and you closed your mouth to hide the food before scurrying back to Lloyd’s chair.

You did your best to chew quietly, but then Brayden signed his death warrant.

He patted your head as he passed you back to his seat, the ruffling sound of your headband causing enough sound to catch Lloyd’s attention.

“Did you just fucking touch her?” Lloyd’s voice suddenly boomed, and you squeaked and flinched from how it reverberated throughout the room. “Did you just touch my fucking pet?”

Brayden froze, trying to play it cool with a shrug. “She was trying to get some fruit, but she couldn’t reach, so I gave it to her.”

Lloyd was fuming before, but now he was irate. His pupils dilated as he took it all in, nostrils flaring. “You fucking touched my puppy. And fed her? What, you think I can’t take care of her? Think you can do a better job than me, huh?”

You wanted to hide away, so you did. You curled yourself around the back of his chair, watching as Lloyd stormed over to Brayden.

The whole room had become motionless, the clack of fingers against keyboards stopping as Lloyd towered over the smaller brunette.

“Look, she was hungry. I didn’t mean anything by it, just wanted to—”

Anything more Brayden wanted to say was cut off by the crack of Lloyd’s fist against his cheek. You gasped at the sight of Brayden’s broken nose, blood pouring to the floor. “How fucking dare you touch her!”

There was another punch. And another… And another. You were forced to watch the morbid show as Lloyd went feral, gripping the man by the collar and letting his fist go wild. Brayden never had a chance to even fight back.

The taste of the pear had turned sour, and you spat out the remnants onto the floor. You wanted nothing to do with this.

“She’s mine, do you hear me? Nobody but me touches her.” Lloyd’s point seemed to fall on deaf ears as Brayden’s head lolled to the side, only held up by Lloyd’s fingers in his shirt.

Brayden’s body hit the floor with a crunch when Lloyd let him go, a soft groan coming from the male. You felt a little bad for him. But he played with fire and got burnt.

If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

And Brayden’s stupid prize for touching you was a bullet to the head.

You covered your ears when you saw Lloyd pull out his handgun and closed your eyes when the first shot rang out. It wasn’t until four shots later that Lloyd had stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at the gore.

There was a beat of silence before you felt hands clasp over yours, gently pulling your palms away from your ears. “Sorry puppy, didn’t mean to scare you,” Lloyd’s voice called to you, much softer now. “Did he hurt you?”

Your eyes opened and met the deep blues of your captor. There was a lot of anger blazing in his orbs, but also concern. You shook your head, your voice failing you.

“Good. I would have killed him a second time if he did,” Lloyd gave a grin, and you forced a small smile, trying to appease him. Lloyd seemed relieved you weren’t harmed, but now he knew you were okay, his voice turned a baritone deeper. He loved looking for a way to punish you. “But he did touch you.”

This time you nodded. “On… On my head…” You mumbled, feeling small and feeble in front of Lloyd. Blood splattered his polo shirt and slacks, the metallic smell filling your nose.

“And you let him.” Lloyd’s eyes darkened a fraction. It wasn’t just Brayden he was mad with.

“I’m— I’m sorry…” You blurted out, clinging to the chair.

“You should have asked me if you were hungry. Now you’re dirty. Like a used slut.”

“You were busy and mad, and I didn’t want to interrupt your work and—” Lloyd cut off your rambling with a finger to your lips before he picked you up, so you were straddling his waist.

“Silly puppy. Couldn’t wait for food, so you whored yourself to get it from my workers, huh?” Lloyd sniped, and your blood ran cold. He carried you past Brayden’s dead, desecrated body and towards the master ensuite as you began to shake in his grip.

“We’ll get you washed of him, and then I think my pet needs a little attitude adjustment. You’ll think twice about letting someone else near you after I’ve tried out my new paddle, won’t you, sunshine?”

Lloyd had showed you the paddle when it arrived in the mail. Black leather with a cut out at the end in the shape of a puppy paw so it would leave an imprint on your body. Tears quickly bubbled in your vision, the fear taking over. Lloyd always rewarded you with pleasure after the pain, but you still had to get through the demoralising punishment first. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“I don’t want excuses, puppy.” Lloyd placed you on the bathroom counter, fingers wrapping around your throat and bringing your face close to his. “You think that little ass is sore now? You just wait until I’m done with you. Maybe I’ll fuck that puppy cunt, so your holes match, both red raw and stretched from my cock.”

To be updated on when I post please follow @sgt-seabass-library and turn on post notifications.

[armed-with-a-waffle-iron]

Stephanie Brown by Jen Bartel

Source: Robins #4

[cosmic-whispers]

Finished the outline for part 4!!! I’m thinking of waiting to post it until @starfallweek 👀👀

And literally had the most delicious dream last night so I know what my next wip is 😈😈 what a night!

[late-to-the-party-81]

💕 Self-love time! Talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you enjoy the most, for whatever reason. Send to other creators to do the same if you wish. 💕

Thanks Navy! I’ve got a couple of these, so I get more than one chance to self promo 😁

I’m really proud of Older, not Wiser, the fic I wrote for the Silver Fox Steve Bang last year. It was my first bang and my first long Stucky fic.

I loved working with my fellow collaborator, @koiponderingart who brought my vision to life so wonderfully.

The story challenged me as a writer in several ways. I had to write action (that I detest), write about two characters suffering PTSD in different ways, and then, had to stop myself from writing a saccharine ending that would have felt unhealthy for characters that had gone through what these two had.

It ended up being longer than originally planned, but I still enjoyed the process and was really happy with the end result.

[im-no-jedi]

managed to get at least a couple hours of sleep. I’m obviously still exhausted and will be for the rest of the day. my poor Hunter doll once again being the MVP and let me just cling him to my face while I slept 🥰

more importantly, woke up to a bunch of nice messages from people. y’all are seriously the best. regardless of my opinion of the show, I’m so freaking grateful for getting to interact with this fandom. I’ve made some really great friends as a result, and just had some lovely interactions with people in general. other than the characters themselves, getting to be in the same space as y’all has been the best part of this 🥺💙

I’m still hurting, and I will be for a while. Idk what my status in the fandom will be going forward. despite what I said this morning, I don’t want to 100% give up on the show yet. I may be upset the show is ending after this season, but I’m willing to give it one last chance at redemption. until then, my main focus will definitely be on MLWTBB and making art. gifs and other “official” content will most likely still be made, but more sporadically. Idek when I’ll be able to make myself rewatch season 2 at this point, so yeah. but my personal content will continue for sure. the story and characters I’ve created for this show are extremely important to me, and I want to share them with others. also, I apparently have to continue to fix things more than I thought I would haha.

as I said before, my inbox is always open and I’d love to continue chatting with y’all. especially if you’re like me and need some reassurance, or just someone to rant to. seriously, I’d love to hear some rants; it’s cathartic for me to read/hear LOL

I’m not giving up. I refuse to give up. if this really is about “hope and redemption” like DBB said, then I’m not letting this fully destroy me. I love these characters way too much for that. and I love this community too. we’re gonna be ok guys 💙💙💙

[myouicieloz]

All for me

CEO Im Nayeon x college student!reader

Synopsis: Nayeon is on a work trip and you miss her.

Warnings: nsfw, smut, phone sex ig

Word count: 2.8k

Notes: hummm I think there are some spelling mistakes… grammar ones too lowk... not proofread! ˆˆ

-

“Who’s Jenjen?” Nayeon’s voice is full of disdain as she stares at you, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

“W-what?” you frown, taking your mouth out of her breast with a ‘pop’, truly confused about why she’d bring up your friend in the conversation while you’re like that: a mess of coated saliva and wheezy thoughts, buried in between her chest. “She’s my roommate. From the US, remember? But why—” The woman ignores your confused face, promptly picking up your vibrating phone from behind you. It was visible that your friend, Jennifer (or, well, Jenjen💞❤️😎💙 — as the girl had picked out her own contact name) was calling you. “—oh.”

Jen doesn’t call you often, so it’s strange that she did. You gesture to reach your phone from Nayeon’s delicate hands, only to have your own slapped, instead.

“What are you thinking? Don’t fucking answer.” She lifts an eyebrow at you, pulling herself up to her elbows.

Daring you to misbehave, to not listen to her clear commands. You know how well Nayeon loves this game, how she delights herself in punishing you whenever you do something she deems as wrong — even if you haven’t actually disobeyed her. She just revels in doing as such: messing with you as she pleases. You’re her property, after all. Her little doll, to play and deal with however she wanted to.

And you know better than to not follow her blindly.

You’ll deal with Jen later, you decide. For now, you allow Nayeon to pull you by the hair, bringing your focus back to her delicious moans as your mouth finds her stiffened nipples once again.

-

It was rare for Nayeon to facetime you unexpectedly.

You’d usually have full days of classes, and hers were usually pretty packed up with work, so she’d always wait until you were both on a break to call, messaging first.

Not today, though.

You answer the video call straight away, fixing yourself as best as you were able to while her face didn’t appear on the screen. While you were surprised, the smile on your lips was genuine. The woman had been in Japan attending a few meetings for a couple of days now, and you missed her a lot. She also seemed surprised to see you in your dorm, too, though it clearly pleased her more than it should.

“Hi, Nayeon. Is everything ok?” Your eyes brightened at the sight of her, looking so composed and lavish in her work clothes, bunny smile and shiny eyes presented all for you.

She could be a bitch and a pain in the ass if she wanted to, specially when dealing with work stuff, but she was always caring towards you. Never rude, never impatient.

“Well hello, princess. Don’t you have classes to attend to?” you giggled at the older woman, jumping in bed and taking her— or your phone, for what it mattered, with you.

“Technically, yes.” you told her, after a few seconds of fake pondering, “I’m ditching today, though. There’s this super difficult test on Friday, and I’m barely halfway done with reviewing, so I’m picking my battles.”

She knew this beforehand, of course. You’d given her your schedule when the semester had started, just so you’ll be aware, you’d told her. Truly, it was just natural for you to have her know your routine: it made you feel safe, cared for, and she liked it as well.

You tried to recognize if she was in her hotel room, but her background was a bit different from where you had FaceTimed last night; the walls were too white, and she had headphones on.

Most likely still at work, then.

“Smart girl, picking your battles.” Oh. There it was again, that tone. The one that made you tremble with anticipation, readjusting yourself in bed, so you could have some friction in between your thighs.

It was no surprise that Nayeon preferred to be taken care of. She did spend most of her time bossing people around, after all. Of course, you were more than pleased to give her that, treating and handling her just how she wanted you to, while she rewarded you with expensive gifts and trips. However, most of the time, she’d use you for stress-relief: groping and marking your skin until her anger was gone, and she could dote on her little doll again.

You looked forward to those nights, secretly wishing someone would make her angry enough so you’d be squirming, hopeless, under her touch for hours an end.

“It’s perfect, then.” Nayeon’s voice brought you back to the conversation, the sharpness of it not going unnoticed by you. “Take off your pants.” she commanded, leaning back on her chair so she could be the most comfortable.

“Excuse me?” it was your turn to stare at her incredulously, but she didn’t bulge. If only, her posture got stricter, and a tiny smirk adourned her face.

“Did you not hear what I’ve just said? Undress.” you rolled your eyes at your partner, suddenly filled with defiance, but still did as told. Your sweatpants were taken off rather clumsily, since you were still holding your phone close to your face, but you were quick to obey.

“Fine. Is it better, now?” You muttered, but Nayeon scoffed, still not fully satisfied.

She licked her lips, pleased to have you following her orders.

“Much better, princess. Now, let me see you.” You were curious to see how far she’d go, so you placed your phone on the other end of the bed, allowing her to see every inch of your exposed skin. Even with your panties and a sweatshirt on, you still felt completely exposed to her gaze.

Truth be told, you did feel that way even when you were fully clothed around her, too.

“So pretty. Are you alone?” She praised you, her onyx eyes leaving your body for a few seconds to search for any signs of other people at the dorm.

“Obviously?” Nayeon gave you a hard look, making you shrink in place. You tried your best to be polite, reserved, calm—and that included never being ironic or making snappy remarks at people, but occasionally, it slipped, almost naturally. “Sorry.” You corrected yourself, not meeting your girlfriend’s eyes. “Yes, I’m alone. Jen also has a full day of classes today. A private practice too, I think. She’ll be out until late.” You feel better, seeing the smile of approval on your lover’s lips.

She was looking at you with such lust, it made your heart break with how much you missed her.

“I want to touch you so bad.” you whined, motioning yourself further so you could hold the phone and be near her —at least virtually, again.

“Don’t move the phone. I want you exactly like this.” The answer came almost immediately, though Nayeon’s eyes did soften at your pleading. “I miss you too, pretty girl. The good news is: I’ve closed the deal earlier than expected, so I’ll be home by tomorrow.” You smiled contentedly, humming in response. “Now, be a good girl and make a show for me, will you?” she asked, eyeing you attentively.

“Not fair.” you mumble, but your hands still went all the way up the thin fabric of your panties to caress yourself. You’re not one to blush, but being stared at by Nayeon suddenly makes you too shy to look at her in the eyes.

It aroused you, though. To have her so immersed by you. You knew her secretary— anyone could barge in, and she wouldn’t even bat an eye. Aware of that, you could feel the slick starting to cover up your walls once you let out a low moan, biting your lips to muffle yourself.

“No sounds for me, princess?” Nayeon asked, too sweet, well aware of your intentions. She let you be a little defiant, knowing it’s mostly your way of showing how much you missed her.

“If you were here, then p-perhaps.” Your words faltered as your fingers caressed your folds, going around your slit in teasing motions. Your cunt was aching, desperate to be filled, but you knew better than to take matters on your own.

Even though you were the one bringing yourself pleasure, Nayeon was in command. She’d always be, in every aspect of her life.

The simple brush of your fingers was enough to have you panting heavy breaths, the wait being the most delicious part of the thrill. You wished it was Nayeon touching you, instead. You knew your sweetest spots, but no matter how much you’ve tried, you could never bring yourself to the same shuddering, earth-shattering orgasms you had whenever it was your partner touching you. Without her, you were never truly satisfied.

She’s ruined you, for yourself and for everyone else, just as she’d repeatedly told you she would.

“It’s only fair, I guess.” She mumbled, smiling at your stubbornness. “So pretty, still, and all for me. Put a finger inside, baby. That’s it, perfect. Breathe in, nice and slow.”

Her breaths were just as heavy as you followed her blindly, eager to seek your pleasure. Your walls welcomed a single digit, and you started with slow movements, just as Nayeon instructed you to.

“N-nayeon…” You whined, leaning your had back on your bed frame. As much as you could feel your wetness and the growing ache, gathering an uncomfortable sensation on your lower abdomen due to the faint action, you’d never be able to satisfy yourself as much as your girlfriend did.

“I know, princess, I know.” She coos, grabbing her phone as if she could reach out to you, instead. “It doesn’t feel as good, does it? It’s okay, I’ll be done with this conference soon enough, and then you’ll have me all to yourself.” You pouted, knowing better than to trust your girlfriend’s words when it came to work. She had done it before, after all: gotten a call back as soon as she stepped foot in the airport, her job trapping her for a few more days. “You have no idea how lovely you look right now, Y/n. In fact, I think your pretty pussy would look even better filled up with two more fingers.”

“I-I,” You whined, lips starting to tremble. It has not been an easy week for you, and your lover’s calm, soothing voice slowly started to turn you into a pliable mess, all hot and hazy.

The many thoughts seated previously in your head start fading, as your brain chooses to focus on Nayeon. Your eyes, though nearly closed, register how good she looks, how tight that 3-piece suit is, and how long she’s been away from you — now. Your skin got even hotter with the wishes to be kissing her plump limps, at the moment. Suddenly, your mind turned foggy, only grounded by your girlfriend’s low tone, and your fingers filling up your walls.

“You can take it, pretty girl.” She assured, motioning for you to do so. Clasped her teeth, then, at the sight of your pussy being entered by three of your fingers, still going in and out in an excruciating slow pace, not nearly enough for you to feel satisfied. “Taking it so good, so perfectly.”

Although the growing ache in your belly was deepening, you still shifted uncomfortably in your bed. The fabric of your panties was too thin, and the friction was starting to bother you. You wanted it off, so you could focus completely on the pleasure you were allowing yourself to have, but your girlfriend had other plans.

“What are you doing, princess?” She lifted her brows at the sight of you lifting your hips, displeased. Although she couldn’t say she hated to see you at that angle. “No, we can’t have that. Good girls keep their panties on. Just push it to the sides a little more, you can hold it if it makes you more comfortable.” Your pussy was so wet, glistening, and slick from her words. “There it is, you’re so good at doing what you’re told, baby. Always so smart.”

You let a loud moan escape from your mouth, aroused by her words, only to cover it up with your hands as you giggle— your pettiness all ruined.

Nayeon smiles hard, too. “I knew you wouldn’t hold it for long, princess. Your sounds are the most lovely, I hate when you cover them up.”

Even though you were flustered, from both your arousal and her praises, you still bit your mouth, committed to following your plan. Your fingers went back to your cunt, and you denied faintly, murmuring some incoherent words about how she’d have to come home and take those sounds out of you, herself.

“What’s all that for, huh?” She leaned her elbows on her desk, smirking at the mess of you on her phone. “Is it because of that purse you were whining about earlier? Come on, princess, I’ll buy you two of them if you let me hear your beautiful screams. Now go faster, too.”

You increased your fingers’ pace, moans exiting your mouth without a care, now that you'd have your wishes granted. “S-so good…” You say, in between whimpers.

“Dirty princess only wants my money.” Nayeon chants to herself, enamored by the sight of your spread up legs, toes curling with the possibility of reaching your high. “Don’t worry, pretty. I’ll give it all to you: all you want, and more. Just say it, and it’s yours. You want more, Y/n?”

You barely register her words, moans now filling up your bedroom’s previous silence. It takes her to repeat her question for you to partially understand it, although still unsure of what she was mentioning. Nevertheless, you nodded vigorously, ready to comply with all of her orders even if your mind was all foggy and hazy.

“Perfect. Now, circle your clit slowly, just like that, yes— exactly how you like it.” She laughs at the sight of you wincing, on the verge of being overwhelmed by your own sudden touches, “Careful, princess. We don’t want you to get overwhelmed right now. Remember to breathe, alright? That’s it, beautiful.”

Following her lead, you inhale deeply, bringing your other hand to your clit as you applied just the right amount of pressure to make you roll your eyes. The sensations aligned were building up to the pleasure on your lower abdomen, and you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer.

“Nayeon, I-I w—“ Your thoughts weren’t clear, and you struggled to voice your desires out loud. The frustration was enough for you to have little tears starting to accumulate in the corner of your eyes, as you huffed.

Thankfully, Nayeon knew you well. Before you started actively crying, she said, with a delicate, caring tone. “It’s okay, princess. You can cum. Do it only for a bit longer, I know you can.”

The effect of your girlfriend’s words was almost immediate: within moments, you were met with a dense wave of pleasure, consuming you completely as you let out a high-pitched, lustful moan. Breathless, you barely noticed how your fingers kept going with their movements, helping you ride out of your orgasm. Your girlfriend let you take your time, minutes passing by in a blink until your breaths were no longer irregular, and your thoughts were all back into place. You were no longer stressed; instead, you stared at her with a peaceful look, now feeling much better after such a tiring week.

As usual, Nayeon knew exactly what you needed.

“Always so sensitive…” Nayeon panted, brushing her fingers through her phone’s screen— as if she were caressing you, instead. “Remember to not overwork yourself too much, okay? Your grades don’t matter to me as much as your well-being; it should always come first.”

You nodded, bringing your phone near your face once again. Of course, you’d comply; she was the one paying for your tuition, after all. “I will, of course. Thank you, baby.”

Nayeon smiled, pleased by your manners. After catching up to her a bit more, you hung up the call, now all focused and much renovated for a new study session. Her message came later, a few minutes after you’d cleaned up your mess and was on the way to your desk, in hopes to wrap up soon.

Ps: I’ll buy you another one of your favorite purses if you leave your panties by Jennifer’s bed, princess.

You laughed at the message, also noticing your bank app’s notifications before you threw your phone away, emerging deep on your notebooks once again.

[yonglixx]

hi my love ☀☁ just passing by to let u know i love you more than the infinite galaxies out there. u are my favorite person in history; take care of urself 🌻💛 i love love love you !!! 💕✨

Thank you so much Jen, my love 🥺 I needed to hear that today 🥺🥺 I love you so much I hope you're taking care of yourself too and im sending a big hug I love you❤️❤️

[604to647]

Safest with You (Ch. 21 - The Way to Get Over Someone, Part 2)

11.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Despite Din's attempts to be evasive, you learn the truth about your break-up, and make some decisions about what you are and are not willing to accept going forward.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Angst, pining, longing. Nicknames as usual (pretty bird, baby). Some smuttiness but won't spoil.

A/N: Well, we're here: the penultimate chapter (if you don't count the epilogue) - sorry for the word count! 😱 Thank you to everyone who's read up to here - I can't tell you how much it means to me! I know some of you have some strong feelings about Din's actions/dumbdumbness and that's okay!! If you feel like regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be forgiven/can't be redeemed, I invite you to read up until the paragraph that ends with the blue heart dividers 💙💙💙. I hope that where it ends provides a satisfying conclusion for the series for you and thank you, thank you, thank you again!

All dividers by @saradika-graphics / Series Masterlist

You don’t know how you get through dinner; you must have gone on some kind of small talk auto-pilot because if Mark knew just how much your mind was preoccupied by another man while he was being nothing but genuine and engaging, he probably would have thrown a glass of wine in your face.

Outside of the restaurant, Mark gives you a shy look and asks if you want to get ice cream for second dessert.  Oh man, he really is good guy.

“Oh Mark, I really cannot believe I’m turning down ice cream, but I have something to confess to you,” you look apologetic and hope he’ll let you say what you think he deserves to hear.

“Honestly, Mark – you’re a dream date.  You’re smart and funny and Jen was so right, you’re a fucking catch.  I can’t tell you how guilty I’ve been feeling because I don’t think I’ve been reciprocating the energy and effort that you deserve.  I don’t know if Jen told you, but I got out of a relationship a while ago and I thought I was ready to date again – but being with you tonight… I realize I’m completely out of my element.  I don’t have any business going out with a great guy like you – not right now anyways.  I’m so sorry.”

Mark looks surprised, but his tone is understanding, “Oh!  Wow.  Jen did say something about that – I’m sorry about your last relationship.  It sounds like it really did a number on you.  If it makes you feel better – I had a great time.  I didn’t in anyway feel like I was carrying the date or anything.  And if tonight was you not feeling like you’re up to dating again, then I can’t quite imagine what it would be like to date you when it’s something you’re ready to put your all into.  Thanks for being honest.  When you feel like you’re ready to give dating another shot – think of me?”

It’s a generous and gentlemanly response; you really couldn’t ask for anything more.  The two of you part ways with a light hug outside the restaurant; Mark offers to call you a cab, but you let him know you’ll be fine, and wave appreciatively as he drives away in the car the valet brings him. 

Sighing a heavy sigh, you’re just thinking it might be best if you send Jen a message to let her know how the date went before Mark does when you hear a crash coming from the alleyway next to the restaurant.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you walk over to the side of the building and peek around the corner; there in the alley is the occupier of all your current thoughts, Din, kicking garbage cans in frustration.  When you see him punch the brick wall of the building and shake out his fist, your legs carry you to him as if on instinct – unable to see Din hurt without the urge rising to comfort and soothe him.

Din has both of his palms up against the wall when you close in on him, leaning his weight against his hands with his eyes closed, breathing heavy.

“Din?  Are you okay?” you ask softly, not wanting to startle him.

He looks up, surprised at your appearance – eyes stormy, the rich browns of his irises full of emotion, “I’m okay, pretty bird.”

Pretty bird.  Your heart swells at the familiar term of endearment that you thought you’d never hear again.  It’s like music to your ears.

“This doesn’t look okay,” you gently pull the hand that you saw him shake in pain away from the wall, turning it over and cradling it in your hands - gasping a little when you see his knuckles scraped and bleeding.  Din watches your pretty face cloud with concern as you take a handkerchief from your purse and delicately wrap it around his wounded hand; tying it snugly against his palm before turning his hand over and bringing his knuckles to your lips, pressing a tender kiss against the makeshift bandage.

“Thank you, baby.”

You’re looking at him with such a sweet expression that Din’s heart starts to ache again; he has to remind himself that your concern isn’t really for him particularly – it’s just your kind nature, “Where’s your date?  Did he go and get the car or something?”

You shrug good naturedly, “I sent him home.  Would you mind putting me in a cab, Din?”

“Of course.” As Din walks with you back towards the street, his injured hand rests protectively on your lower back and the gesture causes a chill to run up your spine.

It’s not in uncomfortable silence that the two of you wait on the curb, but Din is afraid that if he doesn’t engage you in some type of conversation, you and this moment will disappear before his mind registers it as being real, “Why did you send your date home?  Did he try something?” His eyes darken.

You shake your head lightly; Din’s protective nature is exactly as you remember - you’ve missed it, “No, nothing like that.  He was fine, really.”  You can’t deny it any longer, you’ve missed him, “He just wasn’t… you.”  With this admission you look up at Din and search his eyes – does he miss you too?

“Oh, pretty bird,” Din manages to breathe out before he descends on your mouth, kissing you fully and so full of longing and desperation he’s afraid he might actually break you.  Your arms fly up of their own accord and wrap around Din’s neck, pulling him closer, closer, closer; your fingers thread and tug at the loose curls at the nape of his neck and you long to run your hands through his hair again - you refrain, not wanting to mess up his hairstyle.  He’s yours and you’re his again in this kiss – every brush of your lips, every step in the dance of your tongues a testament to how much you’ve missed each other.

You’re melting.  Melting into Din’s strong arms and the safety of his hold, reveling in the warmth of his affections.  It’s like you’ve never left, his body molds to yours, fitting so right – pressed flushed against Din, you dare anything to try and get between the two of you right now.

Parting reluctantly when you hear the slow crunch of tires coming to a stop next to you, Din kisses your forehead gently before seeing you into the backseat of the cab.  When you see him open the passenger side door and speak to the driver, you recall with a surge of affection that cab ride after Katie’s birthday when you and Din reconnected after your brief separation.  Once again, Din tells the driver your address and emphasizes the importance of getting you home safely, punctuating his point with an overly generous tip.  Your heart swells at the memory – the déjà vu driving home how everything about your relationship had been real.

When Din comes back to see you in the backseat, your eyes are bright and full of feeling – he’s here, the sweet man who always takes care of everyone, who only every wanted to take care of you; he’s right here in front of you again.  Bringing your hand up to Din’s cheek, your heart soars when he leans into your palm with a smile; the soft feel and weight of his face familiar and comforting.

“Din, I know you didn’t sleep with Vanessa,” you say simply with no room for argument – a simple fact.  Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems so fucking obvious.  How could you have ever believed that this man could have been capable of such a betrayal?

Simplicity and truth are all that Din can afford as well, “Of course not.  How could I ever want anyone else when I had you?  The perfect woman.  You’re the love of my life, pretty bird.  Would never cheat on you.”

The sincerity of his words brings tears to your eyes, “Then why, Din?  Why would you want me to think that you had?”

You look so confused and sad; for the billionth time, Din chastises his past self for his dumb decisions, “Needed you to hate me, pretty bird.  Needed you to stay away from me.  It’s the only way to keep you safe.”

Though this answer is vague, your response is relayed with certainty; hands cupping Din’s face, “I’m safest with you, Din.”

The kiss that Din presses to your lips at this declaration is achingly desperate, as if he’s trying to brush away all his past mistakes and wipe clean the hurt he’s caused.  He loves you.  You can feel it in every stroke of his tongue over yours, and in the way his teeth nip and nibble at your lower lip.

You’ve missed his mouth, his touch, and everything Din – and judging by the way his hands cradle your face and the deep emotions swirling in the richness of brown eyes, Din’s missed you just as much.  The two of you hold each other, foreheads pressed together for closeness, breathing in the other’s air as you soak in this togetherness that neither of you ever thought you’d experience again.

Finally, remembering what that last cab ride led to, you whisper, “Din, will you come over tonight?”

There’s a pause as Din’s brows furrow and his eyes squeeze shut.  This moment of tenderness with you, one where you don’t hate him, has been more than he deserves.  But it’s a fantasy, a mirage – the reports of escalating violence he listened to during tonight’s meeting still fresh in his mind, Din shakes his head in frustration.  Based on what had been disclosed in the meeting, he can’t help but think that it’s working – everything he’s done to remove the target on your back is working; he can’t throw away your safety just so he can have this feeling again.  That would be too risky.  Selfish.

“Pretty bird, I can’t do that.  I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand, Din,” your voice breaks at his latest rejection and the sound tears Din in two.

He lifts your chin with his fingers so that you’ll look at him though the tears that are already starting to form in your beautiful eyes, “Baby, please understand.  We can’t.  We can’t be together – you deserve better than this, than me.  Being with me puts you in unnecessary danger.  My deepest fear is that you get hurt and I can’t… I won’t let that happen.”

“You’re hurting me right now, Din,” your voice small, sad.

Din knows he is, but he has to stay strong and resolved for your sake, even if this short respite from the dull ache of his everyday existence has been a heaven beyond his imagination, “I’m sorry, pretty bird.  I really am.  I love you, I love you.  But you deserve better.”

You say nothing but the few tears that roll down your cheeks speak volumes.  With great difficulty, Din says a wordless goodbye with kisses to your hair, then both of your hands before letting them and you go.  He knocks on the top of the cab to let the driver know he can leave; as the taxi drives away, he sees your hurt face looking back at him and it nearly brings him to his knees. 

Pressing the heels of his palm to his eyes, Din lets out a loud growl of frustration.  Taking several deep breaths before going back in to rejoin the Family meeting, he repeats to himself a mantra that he has to believe – This is the right thing.  The most important thing is that she’s safe.  Staying away from her keeps her safe.

---

Din’s resolve lasts exactly two days.

---

It takes you only the duration of the cab ride home to get over the sting of Din’s rejection.  Yes, the emotional whiplash of having him tell you that he loves you only for him say that it doesn’t change anything between the two of you hurt, but by the time you’ve taken Al out and finished getting ready for bed, your hurt feelings have been replaced by fresh purpose and determination. 

You finally have some answers.  Somehow Din has convinced himself that being apart from him is for your benefit and he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness for it.  The problem for you is that he’s also willing to sacrifice yours. 

There’s a part of you that is livid about this, but you’re keeping this particular emotion at bay for the present moment with your newfound conviction to get to the bottom of what’s going on; you’ll get the answers you seek before you decide how you’re going to feel about it all.

You spend most of the weekend turning over the events of the last five months in your head, looking at them with a new perspective after the revelations from the past four days; mentally preparing a list of things that Din owes you explanations for and talking yourself in and out of how you’ll demand them of him. 

By some twist of fate, your regular Sunday brunch has been cancelled for the first time in forever, with several of your friends unable to make it – you can’t decide if this is in your favour or not.

On one hand, you could really use their opinions and a sounding board for your rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions; on the other hand, you suspect that Din is currently not your friends’ favourite person and you could probably do without the barrage of insults that would inevitably be thrown about as a reaction to his and Vanessa’s confessions from this past week.  Not that Din didn’t deserve them, but rather they wouldn’t help you work out what you need to do next.

By Sunday afternoon you’re sure of a few things:

Din loves you.

He has always loved you and he never stopped.

You love him, too.

He truly believed that being with him put you in danger.

What you didn’t know:

How could it be that he loved you so deeply but could so readily leave you?  Not just initially five months ago, but again, not two days earlier?

What gave him the right to decide what was best for you? 

Did he really think it acceptable to keep you in the dark about things that he clearly believed impacted your life so significantly?

The details of what prompted Din to act the way he did don’t interest you as much as why it led him to behave so unsympathetically for the past five months.  The more you think about it, the harder it is for you sit still and wait out the indetermined amount of time needed before you get your answers.

On Sunday night, you make the decision to head down to Mando’s yourself after work one day this week.  Feeling confident in your decided course of action, you’re as satisfied as you can be with the situation when you hear a knock on your door.

---

This is too easy.

Din mutters to himself as he walks through the parking garage beneath your apartment building undetected.  It was entirely too easy for him to gain entry into the garage and avoid the security cameras on his way to the internal stairwell.  He makes a mental note to talk to Paz about this gap in security as he’s taking the stairs two at a time up to your floor. 

He had tried to stay away, he really had.  But just as Din had always known, without the deterrent of you hating him and the surety that you would push him away, he had only his own self control to keep him from seeking you out, and that had crumbled under your loving touch outside the restaurant on Friday.

It had been too long since Din had gone without the feel of your soft lips pressed to his or basked in the warmth of your soft gaze and he had positively melted from both when he saw you after your date.  Like an addict in recovery, the high from his relapse was too intense to ignore; he simply could not be kept from you any longer.

He barely recalls what happened after going back into the restaurant on Friday and finishing the Family meeting.  Or how he got through Saturday at the gym, trying to slog through this month’s invoicing and attempting (unsuccessfully) to concentrate on Jimmy’s training.  Don’t even ask him what he did today.  All he knows is that after nightfall, his body drove his truck over to your neighbourhood and his feet carried him straight to your door.

Unsure of what type of reception he’ll receive if you open the door, Din doesn’t even know what he expects, only what he wants: you.

Your door opens with you already ready for bed, blinking at him with an unreadable expression.  Din thinks he should speak first and lets Al buy him some time when he noses out, nuzzling his snoot into Din’s large hands.  After giving your happy pup a few head rubs to show him how much he’s been missed, Din straightens up to look at you again; he opens his mouth to say something, though he doesn’t know what - and he never finds out because you kiss him.

You hadn’t expected to see Din before your planned confrontation, and you certainly didn’t think you’d see him at your door looking so soft and vulnerable.  After he had dispensed some love to Al, the expression in Din’s eyes when he raised himself back up to his impressive height was that of a much smaller man.  One who was unsure, ashamed.

To see Din like this takes all the wind out of the proverbial sails you had hoisted high over the last two days, the ones you had readied in anticipation of the fight you were bringing to his doorstep this week.  And just like before, when faced with seeing Din in distress, your mind, heart and body ache to soothe and calm him - so you do what comes naturally and press your lips to his.

Din’s lips never leave yours.  Not when you walk him inside your apartment and close the door, and not when he familiarly navigates the layout of your living room to sit on the couch and pull you down onto his lap.  He won’t stop brushing his desperate mouth against your perfectly plush pout, the one he dreams about regularly, even as he murmurs the only two phrases he needs to know you understand:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

You match Din kiss for kiss, “I know.  I know, Din” as you undress first yourself, then the man whose touch you’ve been yearning for for nearly half a year and whose weight you long to be under again.  Your body cries out, remembering the feel of the corded muscles of his strong arms and the comfort of his hard chest; your hands molds to Din’s body as they roam and explore, afraid if you release him he’ll be ripped away from you again.  On Din’s part, even as his mouth becomes more insistent, his touch on your body remains gentle, reverent – where you’re urgent and possessive, he is worshipful.  And still, he recites:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

With Din owning your mouth, your moans of I know, I know, I know are swallowed and vibrate down into his chest - setting his heart on fire and quickening his pulse even as he kisses deeper and steals all your air.

Feeling him lick into your mouth, you whimper ‘Din, please’ and the sound of his name once again on your lips makes Din’s dick jump.  He grabs you tight around the waist, holding you to him to continue fully exploring the open, moaning cavern of your mouth, conveying his devotion with each caress and massage of his tongue.  How could he have ever let you go?  You show Din that you don’t want him to do so ever again by meeting his every touch, every kiss, every guttural needy noise with a hungrier one of your own.

It’s been too long and your hearts and bodies have missed each other too much; Din is already hard and throbbing against where you’re wet and wanting.  Everything is hurried, messy, and inelegant.  You need each other and that’s all there is to it.

Overcome with your own greediness, you murmur, “Need you inside, baby.”

As Din’s entire body melts into a puddle at your words, every muscle in his broad frame relaxes and all his power and control evaporate in the face of his one and only fantasy coming to life; only snapped out of his euphoric state by the sensation of you smearing his leaking precum over his length with your soft hands - Din thinks he might come from this alone.  He’s craved your touch every moment since that fateful night outside his apartment, but he holds back for the heaven he knows is to come when you line him up to your entrance and slowly sink down.

It’s really has been too long – Din’s too big and you’re too tight and there hasn’t been enough prep; it hurts.  But somehow it’s welcomed - both of you needing it to hurt, wanting it to hurt, so you know it’s real.

“Nggghhhh – fuck, Din, so big,” you whine as he stretches you out - he’s bigger than you remember.  He feels better than you remember.

“I know, pretty bird.  But it’ll fit,” Din hums, “because you’re made for me.”

His sweet words belie the sting to your tight channel, but the joy that overflows from your heart straight to you core soon drowns out the pain; this is how it was always meant to be: you trusting your body to Din, and Din taking care of you.  Slowly, slowly, your sheath yourself onto Din’s cock – fitted so close that you feel every thick vein and groove along your warm walls. 

Din’s kisses are gentler now, tender and reassuring like his words, “Doing so good for me, pretty girl,” “You feel so perfect around me,” “Love this tight cunt, missed her so much.”

His praise causes your pussy to gush and your hands card through his soft curls appreciatively.  Gazing into Din’s eyes lovingly, you coo back your own song, “Feels so good, daddy,” “God, I’m so full,” “Noone wrecks this pussy like you, baby.”

When you’re finally fully seated, with Din bottomed out inside you, his balls nestled perfectly under your ass, the two of you simply just rest.  Countless minutes go by so you can relearn to breathe and Din thanks his lucky stars for the privilege of praying at your altar once more.

Fully blissed out and body trembling upon remembering its rightful place on Din’s cock, you whisper, “Din, please move.” And move he does.

Slowly and with the restraint of a saint, Din thrusts up to meet your tentative downward movements, dragging his cock deliciously in and out of your tight cunt, letting her suck him back in of her own volition.  You wrap your arms around his neck and feel Din’s sensual kisses on your lips, down your neck, and at the hollows of your throat; the wet trail his mouth leaves behind causes an electric chill to run throughout your entire body, your hips bucking a little harder, a little more ambitious in response.

There’s no rush, the two of you have all the time in the world to enjoy your reunion, and yet there’s an urgency - a hunger to devour as much of one another as you can, both starved from your time apart.  The need to make up for lost time takes over; every kiss of skin on skin is an apology and a promise, your declarations of love becoming louder and more unabashed, movements more fervent, frantic.

Din groans into your skin, “Pretty bird, not going to last.  Missed you too much,” as he starts to punch up with an impressive force, driving his cock deeper into your cunt and reaching that spot that only he’s ever been able to find.

“Give it to me, daddy,” you mewl, barrelling towards to your own orgasm faster than you had expected, “Need it.  Need you.  I love you, I love you, I love you.”  This is the first time you’ve said it back tonight, and the only time Din’s heard these sweet words in the musical lilt of your voice in last five mouths – this alone sends him on the fast track to the edge.

He snakes one hand between your bodies to find your already pulsating clit and starts to pen a long overdue love letter with his thumb.  Din’s other arm pulls your body as close to his as possible, so you’re now pressed flushed against his warm chest, moving with him as one.

I’m sorry, baby.  I love you, pretty bird.  I love you.

I love you, Din.  Missed you so much.  I love you.

You come - teary eyes locked onto Din’s as he signs over his fate with an elegant signature on your clit.  Your slippery nub kisses his thumb back just as hard, crying and begging for relief as you clench down from the onslaught of pleasure that only Din can give you.  Din spills deep into you as your pussy chokes him, milking the euphoria of his release for all it’s worth.  He’s in heaven.  You’re his heaven.

Wordlessly, you and Din exchange soft smiles and besotted looks as you clean-up after; a string of never-ending tender kisses lead the two of you back to the couch where you lay down in Din’s arms, sated and pliant, soaking in the strength and sureness with which he holds you, “Din, we need to talk.”

“I know, pretty bird,” he’s ready to tell you everything, lay it all bare for you. 

Propping yourself up on your elbow so you can look Din in the eye, you implore him to be honest with you, “You said you needed me to hate you.  That it was the only way to keep me safe.  What were you talking about?”

Din tells you about the photos that the Family received which had been received as threats and the various confrontations and incidents of harassment in the months following that confirmed them as such.  He tells you how scared he’s been for you, and how guilty and sorry he is that you were ever caught up in his world in this terrifying way.

Forcing himself not to look away from your pretty face when he sees it line with fear, Din tells you that he never wanted you to feel frightened or for your life to be interrupted, “You’re safe, pretty bird, I promise.  You’re well protected - the entire Fett Family is looking out for you.  They love you as much as I do.  The Family would never abandon you.”

“Just you then?” It wasn’t meant as a sarcastic or passive aggressive comment, but you just honestly can’t see what this had to do with why Din left you.  If anything, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to stay by your side?

Regardless of your meaning, Din looks pained at your question and averts his eyes in shame.

“I understand that you were afraid for me because of the threats, but if the Family was willing to protect me, I still don’t understand why you would need me to hate you to be safe?”

“You should never have been in danger at all, baby.  The reason you’re a target is because of me.  Whoever issued the threats only targeted you because… because, they knew how much you mean to me.  How much I love you.  It wasn’t enough just to protect you from the threat, I didn’t want you to be under threat at all.  That’s the only way to guarantee you would be safe.”

You stroke Din’s face with your hand, and he leans in to your comforting touch and closes his eyes.

“If you hated me, then you would no longer be a worthy target.  The person they really want to hurt is me, and if we weren’t together anymore, they can’t do that through you.”  Din sighs, “But I’m so sorry, pretty bird.  The way I went out about it was all wrong - hurting you like I did is inexcusable and it shattered my heart to do so.  You didn’t deserve to think I cheated on you.”

Your heart softens and you lean in to lay gentle, sympathetic kisses to Din’s soft lips.  Finally, finally you understand.  Though you don’t excuse the hurt he caused, you can understand Din’s fallacious reasoning; in an odd way, it’s a relief to see him so unchanged – his actions ever consistent with his self-sacrificing nature and his conviction to take care of those he loves, to keep them safe.  The only thing is, his was not the only heart he had sacrificed.

“I thought you never loved me,” you say in a small voice, “when I thought you had cheated on me, it made me question our entire relationship.”

“Oh, fuck, baby,” Din’s shame and self-anger triple upon hearing your words.  He had expected you to be angry, to hate him for the lie he had you believe, but he never considered that you would have doubted what he felt for you prior to that horrible night.  Secure in the depth of his own devotion and the truth of just how in love with you he was, Din had thought what was unshakeable to him would be the same for you; but of course, now that you’ve said it, it makes complete sense and he adds this egregious transgression against you to his long list of regrets, “I’m so fucking sorry.  I never thought- oh, fuck.  It never crossed my mind that you might ever doubt how so completely in love with you I’ve always been.  From the moment I met you it was over for me, baby – you became the single most important person in my life.  I live for you, pretty bird.  I’m so sorry I ever made you feel any differently.”

Din looks at you with so much sincerity and desperation, you heart is unable to do anything but believe him.  You know without a shadow of a doubt that Din loves you and moreover, that everything he’s done has been in the name of that love.  And though you trust in his pure intentions, they’re misguided in a way that you have to make him understand.  If the two of you are to have a chance again, you need honesty and openness, and Din has to have faith in that same love when things get tough.

You’re lightly scratching Din’s facial scruff the way you know he loves, wanting to just enjoy this affectionate moment a little longer before you dive into the more serious things you need to talk about when you both hear Din’s phone start to buzz incessantly. 

Din reaches his long arm off the couch and easily finds his discarded pants and pulls out his phone, frowning when he sees the multiple notifications on his lock screen.

His entire body tenses as he reads Paz’s messages.

Hutt movement three blocks away from Lil’ Lady’s.

Woves confirms the group is growing.

Mods say traffic cams show more on the way. 

Din feels a stab of fear tear through his chest before the horror of what he’s done settles like a boulder in his stomach.

For the five months that Din had left you alone, there hadn’t even been a hint of suspicious activity anywhere near you.  No appearance of shady characters or any incidents of malfeasance, not a single one.  You had been safe.

What had changed tonight?  What could have possibly happened to incite a flurry of rival gang activity so close to your home when it had never previously been an issue?

It was him.  What had changed is he had been weak.  He had given in to his need for you, selfishly putting you in harm’s way.  Din realizes he had been right: staying away from you had been keeping you safe.  He gets up suddenly, the need to rectify his mistake overwhelming.

“Din?”

Din’s hurrying putting on his clothes and doesn’t answer you.  He doesn’t hear you get up from the couch after him and grab a house cardigan from the back of one of the dining room chairs to throw over yourself, watching as he carries on to leave without saying a word.

“STOP!!”

You hardly ever yell.  And you never slam your hand down on your dining table so hard and loud it hurts, but you need to get Din’s attention somehow.  It works - Din’s shocked out of his automated movements and turns to face you.

“What are you doing, Din?” you look distressed, confused, but most of all, frightened by what you think you already know is happening.

“This was a mistake, pretty bird.”

His words cause you to recoil; your voice comes out tight, bordering on bitter, “What was a mistake, Din?  Telling me you loved me, that you lived for me?  Or sleeping with me?  Tell me, which mistake do you mean?” 

Din rushes forward; he’s fucking up all over, he can tell, and hurting you again is the very last thing he ever wanted to do, “No, baby – none of that was a mistake.  Being with you tonight has been a happiness I never thought I’d feel again.  Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved it and still don’t think I do.  The mistake was me somehow thinking that everything was behind us.  That I wouldn’t be putting your safety at risk by coming over here.”

He can’t possibly be doing this again, you’re incredulous, “You’re doing this again?  You’re going to leave?  And I don’t get a say in it?”

“Pretty bird, you don’t understand.”

“Make me understand, Din.”

“There’s something happening right now, a danger that’s closer to you than should ever be allowed.  And it’s because I’m here.  This is proof that I’m no good for you baby.”

“Din, how can you say that?  I love you.”

“And I have to keep you safe because I love you, too.”

“What you’re doing is breaking my heart, Din. This isn’t the only way - you have to trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust, pretty bird, it’s about your safety.”

“Of course it’s about trust, Din!  You don’t trust me to be able to handle some of the things in your life – things that you think I’m too delicate or ‘good’ for, whatever the fuck that means.  You don’t trust me so you don’t tell me anything or let me make any decisions, and that’s really fucking condescending and hurtful.  You have to trust me, Din!  You have to trust that you can show me parts of yourself and your world that maybe aren’t perfect or you aren’t that proud of and that I’m not going to leave!  You have to trust that I love you enough!”

The silence between the two of you is punctuated only by your shallow breathing from finishing your speech and the electric tension that now hums in the air.  Something in Din’s brain is awakening, yelling at him that there’s a truth in your words that he hasn’t had the courage to face – that other than your safety, he’s been worried that bringing you fully into his world and telling you everything, sharing in all the fears and dark parts, would scare you away.  That he’s been afraid that you would walk away, so he did it first.

Din doesn’t know if he’s ready to face this realization or its implications out loud, not when you’re looking at him with so much disappointment and anger.  Not when the phone in his pocket continues to buzz non-stop.

You’re at your wit’s end and throw out ludicrously, “So, what?  We stay apart until you deem it safe again?  Then what, we’re allowed to date until the next time you think it’s safer for me if you leave?  And then we just repeat this pattern forever?”

Din’s exasperated too, frustrated with the unexpected turn this evening has taken – at himself.  He throws his hands up in the air, “I don’t know, okay?  I just know it’s not safe for you to be my girl right now.  And as for later?  May not then either?  Maybe you just don’t wait for me.”

You freeze, the retort on the tip of your tongue that you’re supposed to be a team and that Din doesn’t get to choose for the both of you, dissipates from your shock at his last words, “Wait. What do you mean ‘don’t wait for you’?”

Din doesn’t immediately clarify so you press on, “You would be okay with that?  If I moved on with someone else? Is that what you want?”

Din wants to reassure you; it’s not what he meant, of course.  His heart would shatter if you were with someone else; he had only meant that he knew it was terribly unfair for you to have to wait for this situation to resolve itself, and he didn’t want to force you to be or assume that you were okay with it – but it had come out wrong.  He stops himself from explaining though; realizing with a punch to the gut that he could use this to give you a clean slate, a clean break from him.  You would hate him again – but it would remove the temptation to come see you in secret like tonight, endangering your safety every time he was too weak to stay away from you.  So, he says nothing.

You take his silence the way he intends, as confirmation that Din doesn’t want you anymore and your tears come fast and threaten to overflow.   You’re angry, confused, and hurt.  Again. 

The barrier you had put up earlier when you so logically decided to figure out your feelings once you figured out the truth comes crashing down and you think you’re going to drown in the tidal wave of emotions that swell and rise with being so casually tossed away again.  You feel like a fool, letting Din toy with your feelings (and your body) over and over.

“Din.  Is that what you want?  Do you just want us to be over?” you choke out.

Din’s expression is unreadable and he won’t make eye contact with you - but when he sighs, it’s the most devasting sound you’ve ever heard in your life. 

Your cheeks are wet and you feel yourself shaking.  The words that are blabbering out now hardly make sense and you don’t think you even mean half of them, but you aren’t thinking straight - you just know these words will sting and make Din feel as bad as you do right now, “Why did you come tonight, Din? For an easy fuck?  You knew you would find guaranteed pussy here, didn’t you?  I can’t blame you, I guess. I mean, if you know you always have a desperate slut you can use, someone who’s stupid enough to buy whatever lies you tell her to get her to give it up, why not, right?”

Suddenly aware of how exposed you are, you pull your cardigan tighter over your body and shrink away from Din.

Din reaches for you - this, he cannot have.  He cannot have you reducing yourself to just a worthless fuck when you’re his sun.  He loves you more than anything, would hang the moon for you; you’re the most incredible and precious thing in his life, “No, no… that’s not it.  Please, pretty bird, don’t…”

You pull away from his outreaching hand and say in a flat, dead tone, “I’m not your pretty bird anymore.” 

Even Din can see that he’s hit your limit - hurt you beyond repair and now you’ve shut down.  Shut him out.  Fighting ever fibre in his body to go to you, soothe you and try to  reassure you of his love, he hangs his head, “No. You’re right… you’re not.”

The two of you stand in silence, facing each other but worlds apart, for what is probably only a minute but feels like forever.  Finally, Din turns to the front door to leave; pausing just after turning the handle, he whispers, “I’m sorry”, before exiting your apartment and closing the door behind him.

Once in the hallway, Din hears the lock turn immediately, followed by the most devastating sound he’s ever heard.  You’re sobbing, loud enough that he can hear it through the door and he wants more than anything to kick down the door and sweep you into his arms, take it all back - comfort you with kisses and lightly chastise you for even considering for a moment that he could ever stop loving you. 

But he doesn’t.  It’s better this way, Din tells himself. 

The sound of your sobs follows Din as he races down the stairs, towards the danger that lurks too closer for comfort.  He’s more than ready to take out his distress on the bastards who had deigned to look upon you as someone to threaten, to hurt - or just some unfortunate Hutts who found themselves in the wrong neighbourhood tonight.  Din doesn’t much care.  Blinking back his tears and steeling his resolve with clenched fists, all Din knows is you won’t be the only person he hurts tonight – you’re just the only one who doesn’t deserve it.

Exactly one week later, you storm into brunch still angry, exhausted and hurt from your altercation with Din the Sunday before; hot tears brim along your lash line from the humiliation of having slept with Din only for him to leave you again, and your frustration at his dismissal of any attempt to talk out your issues.  The only sure-fire thing you’ve decided is that there will be no more secrets - no more half truths, no more protecting people from hard and ugly realities.  Sure, you would have much preferred if this was the road upon which you and Din were embarking, but in lieu of that, you decide that you can come clean with your friends.  You tell them about the Fett Family and Din’s old role, and what he seems to still do for the Family.  You tell your friends about Poe, Boba, Cass, the Hutts and the Pykes, and the Mandos and the Mods.  You tell them about all the security incidents from earlier in the year and the threats you only just learned of and about Din’s and your place in it all.  You tell them about your run-in with Vanessa and how your date with Mark went and about sleeping with Din last week.  You tell them everything that’s yours to tell and even somethings that aren’t because you’re done with pretending that these secrets are worth keeping and somehow worth your happiness.

Your friends are speechless; all the food, and shockingly the drinks, are untouched as you talk and only after you indicate you’re done with your recollection of how Din left you crying in your foyer, do they descend on you to offer their kind supportive words and loving hugs.  Once everyone is settled back in their seats and people’s emotions have leveled out a bit, Rory asks,

“Do you still love him?”

It’s not the question you expected from her, or from any of your friends really, and it truly deflates you as you lean back in your chair to contemplate your response.  The last week saw you primarily cataloguing Din’s transgressions against your heart; it’s a long list and it had kept your mind and heart fairly preoccupied.  You’re furious at him… but did his foolhardy actions change the man you believed he was?  The man you had loved?  You answer only what you’re sure of,

“It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t seem to matter to him what I think or feel.  Din just does what he thinks is best.”

Your friends nod sympathetically, understanding you’re already fighting a seemingly endless battle between your head and your heart.  They thoughtfully put forth their opinions in between bites of their now cold dishes:

“No matter what his reasoning is, it doesn’t give him the right to jerk you around in the name of ‘your safety’.”

“Does he have a point though?  Is it dangerous to be with him? Are you scared?”

“Won’t the Family protect you?  Why is he acting like he’s the only one who cares about you?”

“I don’t like that he hurt you on purpose with that Vanessa nonsense.  That lie was so elaborate.”

“How many times does he think he can do this to you?”

“You deserve someone who is honest with you.  Someone who will treat you like an equal partner in everything.”

“He loves you so much.  It’s always been clear to us that you’re his whole world, babe.”

You agree with it all – these same thoughts have been running laps in your mind since the night Din closed your door behind him.  Din’s martyr-like approach to your safety did not sit well with you, especially when it sacrificed the wellbeing of your heart without so much as a consultation of your feelings; it’s crystal clear to you now that entirely too many lies and secrets had been justified and tolerated in the last several months and even your relationship prior.  Yes, you know how you feel about what Din did.

But how do you feel about him?  To a certain degree, you know you still love Din, but things just aren’t that simple anymore.  Given everything that’s happened, how can you feel about him?  You don’t know.

6 months ATN

Waiting until there’s a break in the traffic, you cross the street quickly, heading straight for the bookstore across from your office building.  Right away, you spot the display you’re looking for: the centre table for “Current Hot Reads” with Bea’s book right in the middle - you can’t help but grin widely.  Picking up four copies, you busy yourself for a few minutes straightening up the display - strategically stacking and propping up copies of your friend’s book so it stands out in a pleasing manner amongst the other titles.  When you stand back, satisfied, to review your work, a kind voice behind you says, “Are you the author, dear?” You turn to see an older woman in a delightfully ostentatious fur coat smiling at you.

Unable to keep the pride out of your voice, you beam, “Ha ha ha!  No, one of my best friends is!  I’m actually buying these as gifts to give out to our mutual girlfriends at dinner tonight!”

“Oh, that’s so lovely dear!  What a good friend you are!” the lady smiles, “What is the book about?”

“It’s a modern romance, childhood best friends turned lovers.  The first in her series!” you gush, ready to talk Bea up to the high heavens.

“Oh lovely!  My granddaughter loves romance novels, maybe I should get it for her?”

For a moment you simply imagine what the granddaughter might think when reading the smut her sweet nana bought her and you do your best to hold in your chuckle, “Tell you what.  I’m going to buy an extra copy and leave it at the cashier for you.  If you decide you don’t want it or prefer to buy a copy, just tell the cashier to pass it on to the next person who’s interested.”

“Oh dear, you don’t have to do that!”

“I know!  But I want to!  I can’t tell you how much it delights me to support my friend.  Please ask your granddaughter to help spread the word about the book and the author.  I know she’ll love it, it really is just that good,” you enthuse.

The older woman squeezes your hand in thanks as you pick up a fifth copy of Bea’s book; leaving her to read the jacket summary as you head to the cashier.  After giving the cashier the instructions for the last copy, you give the display another quick once over before leaving the bookstore, heading directly to dinner with a spring in your step.

---

Din sees you the moment you walk in.  For some reason, maybe a sixth sense, he had looked up at the bookstore front door before it opened, and there you were.  He hasn’t seen you since the night he left you crying in your apartment, the same night he sent half of the Hutt enforcements to the hospital; when he accepted this surveillance post for the day, he had half hoped he would see you.  You’re just as stunning and bright as the you he keeps in his memories, if not more so.

He had also seen the display of Bea’s books when he walked in and already picked up a copy to buy in support; he figured he would give it to Lisa.  Din watches you rearrange the display from behind the shelves, trying not to be a creep but unable to take his eyes off of you – wistfully, he recalls seeing you do the same thing on the day you first met; it’s no less charming now than it was then.  Listening with a smile as you talk excitedly to the older lady about Bea’s book, Din’s heart swells when he hears you offer to buy her granddaughter a copy.  You’re still you.  Sweet, generous, unassuming, and unflinchingly kind.

God, he misses you.

He’s been trying to put you out of his mind, of course; positive that he’s eradicated not only any goodwill or affectionate feeling you may have held for him a few months ago, but also any chance he had of ever being with you again.  Whereas before he kept away for your safety and his own self punishment, he does so now out of self preservation.  To steel himself for his future without you.

Din does, however, allow himself one photo of you.  It’s one that Paz took the night of the fight with Rotta Hutt.  Taken right after he’s scooped you up ringside, the shot shows only the back of Din’s head, but your face is on full display, filled with joy and adoration.  He looks at it everyday; trying not to long for you more than he already does, Din comes to regard it as motivation of sorts – this is what makes all his misery worth it, he thinks to himself.  You.  Happy.

And while he can’t bring himself to delete his photos of you off his phone, or even erase your old messages, Din never looks at them either.  He doesn’t deserve to.  Especially not the dirty texts and photos; he doesn’t have a right to see you that way anymore - as much as he misses you, Din won’t violate your privacy.  But on the days when the pressure, stress and Din’s own loneliness lead him to release his frustration while in the shower, he imagines a soft hand touching him and knows it’s yours.  The voice that he hears telling him how good it feels, he knows is yours.  The moans that ring in his ears as he furiously fucks his fist can only be yours.  And when he comes, choking out broken pants of I love you, I love you, I fucking loving you so much, those words are for you and you only.

Seven months ATN

Opening your guest room closet, you sigh to yourself. 

It’s time. 

You’ve been avoiding doing this, but not only is it long overdue, you’re also embarrassed at how anxious you’ve been to attempt this task.  It’s been two months since Din left you crying on your knees in the front foyer of your apartment and seven since you fled his apartment after believing he had cheated on you.  In that hazy first week, you had gone around the apartment grabbing anything that belonged to him and stuffed it into what ended up being an overflowing bin that you then shoved into the back of the guest room closet.  Out of sight, out of mind.

But you have guests coming to stay next week, and moreover, it bothers you how rude it is to have kept these belongings that aren’t yours.  It was one thing when Din had been a lying cheating bastard; but now that you know he hadn’t had any ill intent and was as much of a victim of his poor decisions as you are, it doesn’t feel right to hang on to these items.  Bringing home some flat packing boxes from the work mailroom, you assemble them first, trying to prolong actually having to go through your ex’s things.

Stop being a chicken shit, you chide yourself, it’s been months.  Get over it and get it over with. You pull the bin out of the closet and his smell, Din’s smell, immediately hits you when you when you start to take out the clothes.  You close your eyes and let yourself breathe in the familiar scent.  It’s as inviting as you remember and immediately brings his handsome visage to your mind.  When you open your eyes, they’re filled with tears.  Dammit.

You force yourself to work through your tears.  Fighting it at first but eventually allowing yourself to recall memories associated with Din’s items, you feel and expunge all the emotions you had hidden away like you had these belongings.  It’s cathartic and freeing, and once you’ve shed the tears you need, you make quick work of the task.  When you’ve filled the last box, you write a short note apologizing how long it’s taken to return these items and quickly tape up the boxes so that the contents are once again out of your sight.

---

The following weekend, you and Katie take a cab with the boxes to Din’s neighbourhood.  You don’t think you’re ready to see Din in person, but you think you can handle dropping off the boxes… at Peli’s.  Katie helps you carry the boxes from the taxi into the drycleaner’s and you ring the little bell Peli leaves out when she’s in the back working with the machines.  You see her bushy crown of curls before you do her inviting face, the smile she smiles when she sees you is brighter than the sun.  You feel warmed just seeing her again.

“Well, look who it is,” Peli grins, eyes full of genuine cheer and relief, “long time no see.”

Nodding, your heart feels a tug with how much you’ve missed Peli and all the other friends you made through Din who you haven’t seen in months, “Too long, Peli!”

“Glad you can admit you missed me,” she teases, holding absolutely nothing against you, “what can I do for you?  Don’t tell me those boxes are full of drycleaning?”

“Oh… no.  Could I ask you for a favour?” sheepish that the very first time you see Peli after such a long absence, you’re asking something her.

Peli’s good nature isn’t phased for even a second, “Of course!  Anything for you, love.”

Then as if some higher being heard your request before you had a chance to speak it, Paz walks through the front door of the drycleaners.  He’s just as surprised to see you as you are him, but readily leans in to give you and Katie welcoming hugs.

“Hi Lil’ Lady.  Whatcha doing here?”

You gesture to the boxes and look between Peli and Paz, “Just wanted to drop off Din’s things but…  I didn’t feel up to going to Mando’s.  Do you think I could trouble you to get these boxes to him?”

Peli looks shocked, and for a moment you wonder if it’s possible that she didn’t know that you and Din haven’t been together for over half a year now.  Paz saves you from the potentially long and awkward explanation by nodding with some sympathy, “No problem, I’ll carry them over.”

“Thank you, Paz.”

“No problem, Lil’ Lady,” Paz gives you a smile that looks regretful, maybe even sad.

You turn to go, but suddenly feel compelled to make one last request, “Please don’t tell Din you saw me?  I don’t want him thinking about me anymore.”  You say this without any malice or bitterness, though you’re not convinced it comes out that way.

When going through Din’s belongings, you were initially hard hit by the waves of sadness and grief from the loss of your relationship; but after letting the ache of your heart dull, you had surprising found comfort in a barrage of happy memories:

Din’s favourite basketball team shirt you slept in.  You had teased him mercilessly for how often he wore it, but showered him in compliments at how good he looked in those loud team colours every time.  When you explained to him what Pima cotton was and delighted in a sports shirt feeling so luxuriously soft, you noticed that Din started leaving it for you to wear for sleep – first only at his apartment, but before long, he “allowed” the shirt to migrate to your place.

That lime green sweater he wore the first time he was invited to girl’s Sunday brunch.  Bea had wanted to introduce the new guy she was dating and thought that having another boy at the table might make it less intimidating.  Din had gone and immediately clocked Gideon to be an asshole, but somehow managed to convey a polite, yet protective vibe throughout the meal.  When Bea broke up with that odious man a few weeks later, Din, invited back to brunch and coincidentally wearing the same sweater had been so supportive (“You deserve better than that self-absorbed blow hard”), even offering to “take care of him” for her.  You had quickly refused on Bea’s behalf, knowing what “take care” might actually mean, but it had cheered her up so much nonetheless.

His cozy oversized patterned jacquard cardigan that Din wore whenever it was nippier out than usual.  Large enough that it could envelope you while being worn, Din took every opportunity to do so - pressing you against his hard chest while wrapping the front around you to keep the chill away when you were out at the farmers’ market, waiting for the subway, or just standing on the sidewalk while Al finished sniffing his favourite spots.

And more – all the clothes and items you packed away had at least one memory associated with Din where he had made you feel warm, cared for, cherished.

How grateful and lucky you were that Din had loved you the way he did.

Yes, he had broken your heart, but you know that he himself didn’t get away unscathed – Din had also been destroyed by your breakup.  Having long since recognized the immature and empty things said during your last fight as your own emotional lashing out, you saw with more clarity how your own hurt and pain had sliced through Din’s already battle damage armour.  To be honest, you regret your words and how you left things with Din; though the way he did it was all wrong, Din had only ever loved you, cared for you and put you first in the way that he believed matter the most.  And he did so without fanfare, pomp or circumstance - expecting neither accolades nor acknowledgment, or even a hint of self satisfaction.

Your heart truly goes out to Din.  He so willingly carries the weight of the responsibility to take care of others, to put their well being over his own wants and desires; he sees it only as his duty and a mark of his honour to put himself last.  Din never gives himself leave to be selfish, despite being the most deserving for exactly that reason; as long as others are well taken care of, you know that Din would never complain or wish for more for himself.  And while your heart has done its share of mourning for yourself, it also breaks for Din – you know with certainty that he’s as devastated as you are, and yet, he also bears the guilt of having been the cause of your respective heartbreak; likely believing himself undeserving of any sympathy or comfort.

You remember what Boba had once said of Din, that he’s a caretaker through and through.  He attends to the needs of those around him and always has – thinking of the betterment of others, sometimes, and possibly even often, at the expense of his own.  But Din’s always done so happily - it was his duty and he performed it consistently, admirably.  And you remember that you had promised Boba that you would take care of Din right back.

Refusing to add to Din’s already heavy burden when it came to your breakup, you don’t want him to think about you more than he has to when he gets his belongings back; you know he will only spiral into more self blame wondering if you’re still mad or how much you hate him.  He will undoubtedly think about how you might be hurting, and then feel regret and guilt, disappointment or whatever else that eats at him.

So, you make Paz promise not to tell Din that he saw you, to say that Peli had called him over to get the boxes and you were already gone when he arrived.  The fierce look in your eyes tells Paz that you won’t relent and he acquiesces – you were prepared to fight him if necessary, the urge to protect Din where you still can burning brightly within your heart.

Quiet and heartfelt goodbyes are said and longer than needed hugs are dispensed before you and Katie leave Peli’s, arms now empty.  As the cab pulls away, you wave what you sadly think might be your last goodbye to two people you’ve also come to love and will miss terribly.

9 months ATN

Seeing Peli and Paz at the drycleaner’s is the last contact you have with Din’s world.

After nearly the better part of a year, it no longer feels strange that there are facets of a life you had come to embrace, that are no longer familiar - like bringing baked goods down to Mando’s, or being part of the celebratory group when a Mando’s boxer wins a title.  Making a normal portion size of garlic knots is once again the norm.

Periodically, it might feel unsettling when you remember that you are or were, at least at one time, under threat, and that there are unseen eyes on you, both friendly and unfriendly.  But you never see anyone or any actual evidence of this so there’s not much you can dwell on.  Who’s to say the circumstances of the situation haven’t changed or if you’re even on anyone’s radar anymore?  It’s likely you’ve been forgotten by now and you leave these thoughts at that.

With time, you go from thinking of Din constantly, to less frequently, and now only periodically.  You don’t think you’ll ever quite forget Din.  He had loved you fiercely, of that you were certain, and in turn, you had loved him back just as hard.  He was undoubtedly, a great love of your life.  You don’t think that type of connection is easy to find, nor would you attempt to try and do so again – the way Din had seen you so completely and how you had felt being his was not a feeling you think you’ll let go of any time soon. 

But the price for that type of love was one that you hadn’t been prepared to pay – adherence to some creed or code of honour that was willing to sacrifice your heart wasn’t something you could open yourself up to again.  Not even for that kind of love.  But it didn’t mean you couldn’t look back on it with fondness and remember Din as a man you admired adamantly and would continue to hold up as one of the best men you’ve ever known.

He was kind.  Protective.  Caring and loyal. 

The strength of his character and his generous nature live on in your grateful heart.

Some of your happiest memories will always be ones that you shared with Din.  He had, as was his highest priority, made you feel safe and cherished; despite how it all ended, you knew his motivations and the intentions of his heart to be pure - he had only ever wanted the best for you.  Din’s easy way of making you laugh, supporting you in all your endeavors and of lightening your mental and physical load, all while making you feel like the most special person in any room, were not easily forgotten.  Nor his integrity, considerate nature and the gentleness of his touch.  A lover and a fighter – Din was a rare combo indeed.

You think you’ll love Din until your dying day, but you can’t pine for him anymore.

Had you forgiven him?  Hardly.  But forgiveness wasn’t necessary. 

Forgiveness implied that you needed something to change, to be acknowledged, in order to move forward, and that just simply wasn’t the case.  You neither forgave him or were looking to forgive Din; you didn’t expect there to be a continuation of your story and so, as far as you were concerned, neither of you owed anything further to the other, including forgiveness.  You’re at peace with where the pages of your love story have permanently fallen open; having reread those finally passages a million times, you’ve worked through your grief of having to put Din and your relationship behind you - what remains is only a nostalgic sort of affection and maybe wistfulness.

Your life has gone on without him, but it had always been full before you met Din and it remains so after him: full of friends, hobbies, Alfredo, accomplishment and pride in your work, and everything else your undoubtedly privileged life has to offer.  That’s probably the best word to describe it.  These days, when you do think of Din, it can be without bitterness or disappointment, because you do so only with genuine gratitude; not everyone will have the good fortune of being loved so wholly, so generously and so fearsomely, albeit it had only been for a little while.  Yes, it takes no great effort to admit: it had been a privilege to be loved by Din Djarin.

It’s been a good day.  Great even.  All your meetings finish on time (!), and no one on your team, yourself included, had extra work assigned at the last minute – you’re all able to leave ON TIME.

Stepping out of your office building, you can’t quite believe it – you haven’t seen this side of 5:30 since… you were a junior?  No, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s been a long time for sure.

You and your colleagues exchange excited hugs, marveling at your luck; a few even joke that you should all prepare to pay for this tomorrow before laughing and each going in your separate directions.

Pausing for a moment where you stand, you contemplate maybe popping into the bookstore across the street before heading home when your eyes are drawn to a hulking figure that sits on one of the courtyard benches directly facing your office.  Despite his size and striking profile, the man’s presence isn’t terribly imposing, but it is a wonder that you hadn’t notice him until now.

You lock eyes with the man, not ready to believe he’s really there, when he gives you a tentative smile along with a small wave of the bouquet of peonies that he holds in his hand.

Din.

Thanks so much again to anyone who has read this far in the series with me - I love you all so much! Your kind words and encouragement really motivated me to finish this chapter a bit earlier than I had anticipated! I'm still on the cruise, so I'm just posting this when the ship's wifi is strong 🤣 so adding a few tags for those who have expressed an interest in the story (if you don't want to be tagged, please tell me!):

@tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze @nerdieforpedro

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

@rarachelchel @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @jeewrites @sunnytuliptime @kulekehe

@bebsjo @yopossum @cartonkid1200 @rav3n-pascal22

[daisyblog]

Little Break

Our Story Masterlist Summary: People find out that Harry and YN have broken up.

Celebrity Gossip Article

Harry Styles and YN Tomlinson have split after nearly seven years together

Harry, 24, began dating his bandmates sister YN, 24, in 2011 after the couple were pictured kissing at a party.

Fans were quick to speculate that Harry Styles has split from his influencer girlfriend, YN Tomlinson, when they noticed YN didn't attend the singers Live On Tour shows in Manchester or London.

The former One Direction member and YN report they are "taking a little break".

Harry, 24, began dating his bandmates sister YN, 24, in 2011 after the couple was pictured kissing at a party.

A source close to the pair said they split after almost seven years together is down to them having “different priorities and commitments that are keeping them apart”.

The source told Celebrity Gossip: "He’s still touring and is now going abroad. She is focusing on her family, work projects and her work in London".

"They’re still very close friends and will continue to support each other".

"They’re on a break. It’s impossible to have a relationship when he’s touring and YN has her work commitments in London and along with her brother and grandparents, care for her younger siblings".

Harry is currently preparing for the Australian leg of his tour while YN is planning to release her own company and clothing line at the end of the year.

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harryupdates Harry and Anne in Perth today! View all 4,765 comments

ynfan He looks just as sad as YN 😥

1Dfan Anne is with him❤️ ⌞harryfan3 I bet she's just as sad x

1Dfan9 I want them back together!!!!! PLEASE!!

ynfan4 I can't take this anymore, I'm just devastated ⌞hater Grow up!! People break up all the time, they're no different!

louisfan Do you think Harry and Louis have spoken??

harryynupdate he's definitely been crying 😥😥😥

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1dupdates YN walking in London last night! View all 1,233 comments

ynfan She looks so sad 😥

1Dfan Why can't they just leave her alone, it's clear to see she's uncomfortable!!!! ⌞harryfan3 I feel so bad for her

1Dfan5 I'm gonna miss her and Harry together 😥😥😥

ynfan4 I haven't stopped crying since reading the article! ⌞harryfan8 Same!!!! I loved them together❤️❤️

1Dfan I don't believe in love anymore

larryfan It was never real anyway!

harryynupdate I wish this was all a joke😭

harryfan Looking for attention again! ⌞louisfan3 You're so unkind, she's literally walking through London

louisfan I want to give her a cuddle❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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YN read the article and now it felt real for her. She looked around their London home, photos of them together, with their families, all the furniture they had chosen together teased her.

She sat all morning on sofa, the tv playing in front of her, tears streaming down her face. For the first time ever, she felt alone. Sure, her family and friends, and even Harry's family and friends had checked in on her, but she felt lonely.

After mopping around and scrolling through her endless amount of photos of the her and Harry over the years, she decided she needed to be close to her Mum right now. So she packed up some of her things and headed back home.

YN's Instagram Story:

YN"s DMs:

I hope you're okay YN 💗

Are you and Harry getting back together?????

Are you going to share Teddy? 💙

Can't believe you broke up with Harry, you broke his heart 😠😠😠

You're ugly anyway! Harry did the best thing and dump your ass!!

lottietomlinson Hurry up sis! We're all waiting with your fav drinks and snacks! Love youuuuu💗💗💗💗💗

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After driving home to Doncaster to her grandparents house, YN walked through the door with Teddy in her arms. She was surprised how quiet the house was considering all her sisters were here. She had found her Nan in the kitchen, waiting for her.

"Come here my love". Jen pulled her eldest granddaughter into her arms and the tears began to roll down YN's cheeks once more that day. "Shh..it's okay my darling".

"I just miss him Nan...and I miss Mum".

"I know darling...it's not going to be easy but you'll be okay". Jen tried to reassure her as she wiped the tears from her cheek with a tissue.

Trying to distract herself, she placed Teddy down onto the floor and watched him scuttle off into the other room. "Where's Grandad and the girls?".

"They've just gone for a walk..the girls got a little restless waiting for you".

Once the girls come back and smothered their oldest sister with cuddles and filled her in on all the drama of being young teenagers, they all cuddled up in the living room with pillows and blankets and watched all their favourite films. It was during this time that YN felt just at home, almost like she was a child again and hanging out with her siblings.

But it was later on that night when she was lying alone in bed, an empty space next to her, that the pain hit her again. Despite the distance that separated them the last few months and the disagreements they were having, YN still loved him.

She held her phone in her hand, hovering over his name. She wanted to hear his voice, even if it was just to say goodnight. She debated sending him a text. Just as she was about to change her mind and lock her phone, it pinged.

Harry It didn't feel right not saying goodnight to you. Goodnight, sweet dreams x

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower @platinumbarbie143 @frickin-bats @harrysbbyh0ney @chronicallybubbly @goldensunflowe-r  @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @kaverichauhan @peterholland04 @panicattheuc @indierockgirrl @or-was-it-just-a-dream @hittiesontour @bunnyharold @fanfictioncafe @lilfreakjez @jerseygirlinca @iamahallucinationnn @theekyliepage

[sgt-seabass]

thank you @jen-with-a-pen for the question tag! i'm making a fresh post since the last one was a lil long

nickname: uhhh i don't really have one i don't think? some friends call me ambs, if that counts.

height: 173cm which is like 5'8 i think

last thing I googled: 'twice momo cosmopolitan feb 2023'

song stuck in my head: this aboslute bop

amount of sleep: 12 hours. chronic fatigue life.

dream job: basement wife. no really, i just want to be put in a room and cared for. give me some video games and i'm set. but in the real world, i'm currently already working my dream job, so i'm lucky.

wearing: pyjamas with cartoon dogs on it.

book/movie that summarizes you: hm. Inception. cause my mind is a mess of realities.

favorite song: Seventh Heaven by Perfume.

random fact: did you know that doctors do not know what causes chronic fatigue, and do not know how to cure it? depressing fact that sums up my life.

no pressure tags - @rookthorne @jobean12-blog @sweeterthanthis @navybrat817 @emerald-chaos @writing-for-marvel @buckycuddlebuddy @lookiamtrying @flordeamatista

[endlich-allein]

My goodness, time flies ! The 2024 tour is already over and Till is right when he says in the song 'Zeit' : "So perfekt ist der Moment / Doch weiter läuft die Zeit"

This year marks 30 years since Rammstein travelled the world with their powerful vocals, rousing music and majestic fire. This year, I've been following the band's adventures for 15 years. I've seen them perform in front of 9,000 people and in front of over 90,000 people. I've seen them in modest venues, in dusty fields and in prestigious stadiums. I've seen them in sweltering sunshine and freezing rain. I've seen them evolve, collectively and individually, and I've evolved with them. I saw them laugh and I laughed with them. I saw them cry and I cried with them. They've been with me for 15 years now, like a second family. They are the most constant thing in my life: family members have moved away, lovers have broken my heart, friends have turned their backs on me, acquaintances have left my life as quickly as they entered it… But they're still here.

This year I had the immense pleasure of seeing them on stage again, and as always, it was an absolute happiness. I'm so grateful to them for the joy they bring to their audience, for the 2h15 spend far away from daily worries, for the smiles on the lips, the stars in the eyes and the happy memories in the heads. I'm so grateful to them for my voice breaking from shouting out their names or the words to their songs, for the aches and pains caused by the headbangs, for the legaches from standing so much, for the tiredness of the sleepless nights. I'm so grateful to them for who they are, for their infectious energy, for their boundless generosity, for their determination and courage in the face of those who would silence them. They are, for me, an example of resilience.

"Wenn unsere Zeit gekommen ist / Dann ist es Zeit zu gehen / Aufhören wenn's am schönsten ist". It's the end of an era, a page has been turned, but the book is not yet finished. So thank you Rammstein, thank you Till, thank you Paul, thank you Flake, thank you Schneider, thank you Oliver, thank you Richard and see you soon... ❤️

Thank you to Héloise and Yolande from Abélard, who did not have the easiest part but who showed passion and determination. And who remind us that we should never say no when an opportunity presents itself to us. I wish them good luck in their careers and much love in their lives 💙

I'd also like to thanks again the crew, all those who work behind the scenes and without whom it would be impossible to carry out this tour. I know that some of them will be heading off on tour with Till this autumn, others have already left for other projects and others are enjoying a well-deserved holiday. I wish them all the best 💜

Thank you to the photographers and friends of the band, who immortalised our memories. Thank you to Jens Koch, Paul Harries, Olaf Heine, Matthias Matthies, Rob Lewis and Sebastian Feger 🩷

And finally, one last thank you. I'd like to thank all Rammstein fans. Those who were lucky enough to go to one or more of the band's concerts this year. Those who weren't so lucky but have enjoyed the content shared. Those who express their love for the band by singing, dancing, having fun, writing, drawing or covering their music. We come from different countries, or even different continents, we're of different ages, from different social backgrounds, but we're united by one thing : Rammstein. Thank you, everyone 🙏🏻

[the-bi-library]

HAPPY BI VISIBILITY MONTH!!! 🩷💜💙

I wish all bi folks a very pleasant bi month!

Here are bi books of September!

Books listed:

💕 This Spells Disaster by Tori Anne Martin 💕 In the Ring by Sierra Isley 💕 Those Pink Mountain Nights by Jen Ferguson 💕 The Darkest Stars (The Broken Stars #2) by Kristy Gardner 💕Daughter of Winter and Twilight (Queen of Coin and Whispers #2) by Helen Corcoran 💕 Time to Shine by Rachel Reid 💕 Herc by Phoenicia Rogerson 💕 Fly with Me by Andie Burke 💕 Everyone's Thinking It by Aleema Omotoni 💕 A Crown So Cursed (Nightmare-Verse, #3) by L.L. McKinney 💕 This Dark Descent (This Dark Descent, #1) by Kalyn Josephson 💕 Providence Girls by Morgan Dante 💕 Wolf, Willow, Witch (The Gideon Testaments #2) by Freydís Moon 💕 What Stalks Among Us by Sarah Hollowell 💕 Thank You for Sharing by Rachel Runya Katz 💕 Cities of Women by Kathleen B. Jones 💕You, Again by Kate Goldbeck 💕 Double Exposure: A F/NBi Enemies to Lovers Romantic Suspense by Rien Gray 💕 The Fractured Dark (The Devoured Worlds, #2) by Megan E. O'Keefe 💕 Cover Story by Valerie Gomez 💕 The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White 💕 The Death I Gave Him by Em X. Liu 💕 Better Left Unsaid by Tufayel Ahmed 💕 Dearborn by Ghassan Zeineddine 💕 A Green Equinox by Elizabeth Mavor 💕 Salt Kiss (Lyonesse, #1) by Sierra Simone 💕 The Amazing Alpha Tau Boyfriend Project (Alpha Tau, #1) by Lisa Henry

Make sure to check the TWs for all books if necessary 💕

Here is the goodreads list of these books

[late-to-the-party-81]

Glittery!!

That is fortuitous…..(reveal soon)

Thank you, Navy baby! 😚😚