#Jude isn't even dating her because he loves her he's doing it because she's a cover for his bisexuality

[apyrrambles]

everytime I think about Judas and Al i take +10 psychic damage

[lucy90712]

Hey so for Jude Bellingham can you write like Jude cheating on reader, he is very distant with her and she tries to make plans or asks him things like how has ur day been but he either just gives her blunt replies or just completely ignores her. Reader finds out he cheated on her via his phone and she confronts him and she admits it. Then reader leaves him and moves on with someone else (not a footballer just someone random) and Jude regrets what he has done but it is too late. Like pure angst and please make it long! Thank you!

A/n: the timeline on this doesn’t really work but just ignore that

Part 2

Sitting in a restaurant alone waiting for someone to show up is embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing when people know who your boyfriend is and are very clearly judging you and thinking about what might be going on in your personal life. Then the most embarrassing part of it all is having to leave after sitting there for an hour. 

No text no call and no answer. After getting home from the restaurant I stayed up for as long as possible to try and wait for Jude to come home so I could ask him why he didn't show up to the date he planned and invited me on but by 3am he still wasn't home. The next morning he wasn't in bed but he had clearly been home and then left for training but he still hadn't even read the texts I sent him last night. He did post on his Instagram story which explained where he was, he was at a party with all of his friends. I'd love to say that's the first time he's done this but it isn't in fact he's done it countless times in the last few months. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Valentine's Day

Two hours ago I got ready in a cute dress and did my makeup ready to go out to dinner with Jude. He's been so busy recently so we haven't spent much time together but he promised me we'd spend Valentine's Day together, he got us a reservation at my favourite restaurant and told me to dress up. That's exactly what I did now I'm sat here still waiting for him to get home two hours after when he said he'd be home. 

It hurts to be left just waiting I was looking forward to tonight and getting to spend some time together as I've missed having him around. He made this move to Madrid out to be the best thing for us but ever since things just haven't been the same. He's always busy and when he's not he chooses to spend time with his teammates instead which I understand but at the same time he's neglecting me and our relationship. I tried to bring this up but he shut me down and promised to spend more time with me which is how we ended up with this date but clearly it's not that important to him. 

Close to 3 hours later Jude finally came home and looked at me incredibly confused when he saw me all dressed up. 

"Where are you going?" He asked 

"On a date with you remember you said we would go out for dinner because it's Valentine's Day" I said 

"I'm so sorry baby I completely forgot this week has been crazy I promise I'll make it up to you another day but I'm so tired is a movie night instead ok" he said 

"Yeah its ok" I lied 

Birthday 

As always I woke up to an empty bed and Jude having left for training. Today isn't any normal day though it's my birthday so all my friends are coming over and we are going to go out for lunch together then hopefully Jude and I can do something together this evening even if it's just watching something together on the sofa. When I grabbed my phone from my bedside table I had loads of messages from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday and my social media was filled with edits done by Jude's fans which were all so sweet. The only notable missing thing was a text from Jude but that's ok he might've been running late and forgot. 

I forgot about Jude as soon as my friends arrived as they all spoiled me far too much but I had so much fun with them. It was nice to be distracted from real life and stop worrying about when Jude will be home, if he will remember it's my birthday or if he still cares about me at all. Once I got back home Jude's car was already in the driveway so I smiled and happily made my way inside to see him. I wasn't expecting Vini and Eduardo to be over but there they were sat on the sofa playing video games with Jude. 

"Hey y/n happy birthday" Vini said 

"I didn't realise it was your birthday Jude didn't mention it but happy birthday" Eduardo said 

"Thanks guys" I said 

"Where have you been babe?" Jude asked still not saying happy birthday 

"I was with my friends they took me to lunch" I said 

"That sounds fun" Jude said going right back to his game 

His friends tried to leave saying he should spend time with me but he said it was fine and that I wouldn't mind so they stayed. While they all sat down stairs having more fun than I was I did some work with tears streaming down my face. My own boyfriend doesn't care about my birthday his teammates cared more than he did. 

Anniversary 

"Happy anniversary love" I said when I found Jude in the kitchen this morning 

"Happy anniversary" he said 

I tried to give him a kiss but he dodged it and went to start packing his things as he has an away game later today so he's leaving soon. 

"I'm sorry baby I've got to go I'll see you later though" he said as he left leaving me all alone yet again 

~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a day I always like to forget. Both of my parents died in a car accident two years ago today so it's always an emotional day for me and my siblings, we would like to spend it together to distract ourselves but as I'm in Madrid we can't do that. Instead my friends invited themselves over so that I'd have someone with me which made me feel so much better. They came over early so early that Jude was still here as he hadn't left for training yet. He was doing his own thing as the girls all sat with me and let me get out all my emotions now by telling them memories I have with my parents. 

"You know they'd be so proud of you" one of my friends said 

"I just wish they were here to see all the things me and my siblings have done all thanks to their constant encouragement" I sniffled tears still falling down my face 

"Why are you crying babe?" Jude asked as he walked down the stairs 

"Just thinking about my parents it's the anniversary of their death so I'm just a bit emotional" I said 

"I'm glad the girls are here to make you feel better then I'll see you later ok" he said 

With that he left and my friends all looked at me with an expression I didn't quite understand.

"How long has he been like that?" My best friend asked 

"Like what" I questioned 

"Like you don't matter he didn't even hug you before he left even after you told him why you were upset which he should know anyway dates like this are important for partners to remember" she said 

"I mean it's been a good few months he missed our Valentine's Day dinner he didn't wish me a happy birthday until like 5pm and we didn't do anything on our anniversary" I said finally thinking about how badly he's been treating me

"Girl he doesn't deserve you he's taking you for granted and you don't deserve that" one of the girls said 

"I hate to say this but you need to break up with him clearly he's given up on your relationship and now I might be wrong but wrong but it seems to me like he's found someone else" another said

They were right for months now I've been at the bottom of his priority list and he's nowhere near the Jude I used to know and love. There is no affection there anymore it's like the love we once had is gone. He also has definitely been distant and he's never home so there is a possibility that he could be cheating on me. That's a thought that I'd put in the back of my mind and didn't want to think about but now that someone else that has mentioned it I can't let the thought go. Whether he's cheating or not things definitely aren't how they used to be and I need to get out of this relationship before it's too late. The girls all offered their support and said I can stay with them for as long as I need which gave me the confidence to actually talk to Jude later today. 

When Jude arrived home all the girls left and they wished me good luck which I definitely need as I'm nervous to actually have this conversation even though it needs to be done. Jude went straight to get in the shower so I decided to look at his phone because he told me the password but I have never used it as I trusted him at least until now. It took just seconds of looking for me to find texts between him and this one girl who he had clearly been seeing for months now. He kept saying he would break up with me but the time wasn't right yet and that he wasn't in love with me anymore which hurt to see. I wanted to cry but I held back my tears and instead just sent myself screenshots of everything and then deleted the evidence so he wouldn't know that I knew. 

After his shower Jude took ages to come back downstairs but when he finally did he was looking at his phone and smiling it made me wonder if he was talking to her the girl he'd apparently fallen for. He quickly noticed me staring at him and he just stared back not having a clue what was going on. 

"Jude we need to talk" I said 

"Oh ok is everything alright?" He asked 

"I'm just gong to say it I know what you've been doing and don't lie to me I have screenshots I just want to know when you fell out of love and why you did this instead of just ending things" I said barely holding back tears 

"I don't know it all just happened I'm sorry I should've handled this better I didn't want to hurt you but clearly I haven't done a good job of that" he said 

"Yeah you really have hurt me I should've known when you forgot about our valentines reservations but I was foolish and believed that you were just busy now I know you were with another girl" I said 

"I'm sorry" he said 

"I don't believe you Jude if you were sorry you wouldn't have let this go on for so long it's safe to say we are over I wish you well but please don't try and contact me again I need to just move on" I said 

With that I gathered my things and just left. I left my key, the memories and what felt like half my heart but it had to be done I had to get out of there before I got hurt any more. It's time to move on and start a new life with people around me who truly care about me. 

~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later 

"Come on amor let's go" Carlos called from downstairs 

"Coming" I said running down the stairs 

"Oh wow you look gorgeous" Carlos said 

"Thank you you look good too" I said 

He kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand so we could head out to the car that was outside to pick us up. Just a few days ago Carlos won the French open so we are going out to celebrate. I met Carlos not long after I broke up with Jude I wasn't even looking to date but I just happened to meet him on a night out with my friends and we just clicked. He understood that I wasn't ready to date properly but he didn't give up on me so when I was ready we went on a date and the rest is history. My plan definitely wasn't to date another athlete in fact I wanted to just have a normal life and date a normal guy but I couldn't just let Carlos go and I'm glad I didn't. We have been together officially for 6 months now and they have been the best 6 months of my life he always treats me right and he makes it known how much he loves me. 

Carlos has a lot of friends in Madrid so he decided to come here and celebrate his win with me and my friends as well as his before he goes back home to be with his family. There wasn't really any time to prepare anything so we are all just meeting at a club in town that isn't just open to the public so there shouldn't be lots of people there. All our friends were already there when we arrived as we got caught in a bit of traffic but they didn't seem to mind our lateness they congratulated Carlos on his win and we all went inside. 

As we walked down the stairs all my friends turned to me at once and I wondered what was going on for a second until I saw what they had seen. Jude was right there along with a few of his teammates. I haven't seen him since our breakup which is somewhat of a miracle seeing as I still live and work in Madrid and he has become part of the city. I knew one day we'd meet again I was just hoping it wouldn't be in a day like today I don't want to be thinking about him or to talk to him while celebrating Carlos as tonight shouldn't be about me or my past relationship. Carlos knows everything that happened so once he saw Jude his hand reached for mine and he gave it a comforting squeeze which made me feel a little bit better. The thing is I don't miss Jude at all I'm so much happier now but what he did still hurts me so seeing him for the first time since is a bit painful. 

"We can go somewhere else if you want" Carlos said 

"No it's ok tonight is your night plus he shouldn't affect my life now that's the past you are my present and future" I said 

"Ok as long as you're sure but you are sticking by my side all night" he said 

Jude's POV

"Is that y/n?" Vini asked 

Him saying that caught my attention so I looked in the same direction as him and there she was with all her friends and a guy by her side. I recognised the guy as Carlos Alcaraz the tennis player who just won the French open and a the guy y/n has been dating for at least the last few months. I found that out when late at night after we lost a big game I stalked her Instagram and saw a photo of them together on her private account that she forgot to remove me from. Since that night I have kept an eye on her Instagram I usually check it at least once a week to see what she's been doing and how happy she is without me. 

Since the night that she broke up with me I regretted making all the dumb choices I made that led to that point. Within days I broke things off with the other girl I was seeing and I have been alone ever since I just can't bring myself to see anyone else because they aren't y/n. It sounds stupid because I'm the one that ruined everything I'm the reason she's with Carlos and not me but she was the one I just didn't realise how much I loved her until she was gone. My mum has always told me not to take things for granted as once they are gone you'll realise their true value and that's exactly what I did with y/n I didn't realise just how important she was to me until I made some stupid decisions and let her go. 

I watched her with Carlos for a while and she seemed genuinely happy which made me realise that she hadn't been that happy with me for a long while before we broke up. It was clear to see that she loved him and I could tell that he loved her too because he looked at her the way I did when we first got together. It hurt to see her so happy with someone else because I know I could've had that but now I won't get to share any moment like that with her ever again. I deserve everything that has come to me I made bad choices and as much as I regret them now it won't change anything. 

I have to let her go because for her to be happy I need to not be in her life as much as that hurts. They say if you love her let her go and that's what I need to do let the one go because as much as she might've been the one for me I'm not the one for her. 

[starlitmelanin]

she tries to get over her crush on her childhood best friend jude by trying to set him up with other people. recipe for disaster, actually.🥴

no good deed | jude bellingham

pairing - jude x fem!reader

word count - 1.1k

warnings - none

it starts with lily.

lily is near perfect. she's smart, funny, doesn’t have the slightest clue about football — but, she’s sweet enough.

you figure, if you can get jude to fall for someone like lily, you can convince your heart to calm the hell down. you're not sure of the logic there, but it makes sense at 2 am when you're staring at the ceiling, wondering why you're such an idiot.

"hey jude," you say one evening, as he jumps to sit on your bathroom counter, while you do your skin care routine before bed. "what do you think about lily?"

he looks at you, eyebrows raised. "lily? she's cool, i guess. why?"

you try to sound casual. "i dunno, just thought you two might get along."

he shrugs. "maybe. but i'm not really looking for anything right now, you know?"

you nod, pretending like that doesn't make your heart do a stupid little flip. of course, he's not looking for anything. he's focused on his career, on being the best. it's one of the things you love about him. dammit.

but you're not one to give up easily. next, you try suggesting clara. clara, who's a bit of a wild card but has this infectious energy that you think might be good for jude. plus, she's been eyeing him for months.

"clara asked about you the other day," you say nonchalantly while you're at a party.

jude glances over at her, then back at you. "clara? really?"

"yeah. i think she likes you."

he laughs, shaking his head. "she's fun and all, but not really my type."

you swallow your frustration. "what is your type then?"

he looks thoughtful for a moment, then shrugs. "dunno. someone who gets me, i guess. someone i can just... be myself with."

you know he's talking about you. you know he is. but you also know he doesn't see you that way. it's like some cosmic joke.

weeks pass, and you keep trying. each time, he's polite, he's interested, but it never goes anywhere. part of you is relieved, but another part is just tired. why can't you just tell him how you feel? why are you such a coward?

one evening, you're both sitting on his couch, some mindless tv show playing in the background. you've given up on the whole setting-him-up-with-someone-else thing, and he seems to sense your frustration.

"you've been weird lately," he says, nudging you with his shoulder. "what's going on?"

you laugh, but it's hollow. "nothing. just... life."

he doesn't buy it. "come on, we've known each other forever. you can tell me."

and that's the problem, isn't it? you can't tell him. you can't tell him that every time he smiles at you, it feels like the sun is shining just for you. you can't tell him that every time he dates someone new, it feels like someone's twisting a knife in your gut. you can't tell him that you're so stupidly, hopelessly in love with him that you can't even see straight.

instead, you say, "it's just... complicated."

he looks at you for a long moment, and you wonder if maybe he knows. if maybe he's always known. but then he smiles, and it's the same smile he's given you a thousand times, and you realise he doesn't. he has no idea.

"well, whatever it is," he says, "you know i'm here for you, right?"

and that's what breaks you. because he is there for you. he's always been there for you. and you're so tired of pretending. so tired of lying to yourself.

"yeah," you whisper. "i know."

you leave early that night, making some excuse about needing to get up early. he looks disappointed, but he doesn't push. you're grateful for that.

back at home, you stare at your reflection in the mirror. you look the same as always, but everything feels different. you can't keep doing this to yourself. you can't keep tearing yourself apart for someone who will never see you the way you want him to.

so you make a decision. you're going to tell him. you're going to lay it all out, consequences be damned. you'd rather have the truth out there, even if it means losing him, than keep living this half-life.

the next day, you call him. "can we talk?"

he senses the seriousness in your tone and agrees immediately. you meet at some secluded park, the same park where you grew up together. it feels fitting, somehow.

"what's up?" he asks, concern etched on his face.

you take a deep breath. "i need to tell you something. and i need you to just... listen."

he nods, eyebrows furrowed and attentive.

"i've been in love with you," you start, your voice trembling. "for as long as i can remember. and i tried to ignore it, tried to set you up with other people, tried to do anything to stop feeling this way. but it's not working. and i can't keep pretending."

his face is unreadable, and you feel your heart pounding in your chest. you brace yourself for rejection, for the inevitable awkwardness that will follow.

but then he steps closer, his eyes never leaving yours. "you idiot," he says softly. "why didn't you tell me sooner?"

you blink, stunned. "what?"

he takes your hands in his, and you feel your breath hitch. "i've been in love with you too. but i thought you just saw me as a friend. i didn't want to mess things up."

you stare at him, unable to process his words. "you... what?"

he laughs, and it's the most beautiful sound you've ever heard. "yeah. all this time, i've been waiting for the right moment. i guess we're both idiots, huh?"

you laugh too, a mixture of relief and disbelief flooding through you. "i guess so."

he pulls you into a hug, and you feel like you're finally home. all the pain, all the frustration, it melts away in his arms.

"so," he murmurs, his breath warm against your ear. "what now?"

you smile, pulling back to look at him. "now, we stop being idiots and see where this goes."

he grins, and it's like the sun is shining just for you. "sounds like a plan."

and for the first time in a long time, you feel like everything is going to be okay. because sometimes, the person you've been searching for has been right there all along.

[footballfanficwriter]

Spill the tea

Summary:where Jude is invested in girl drama

"Hello?"

"Hey girl, I've got hot tea for you"

"Yeah, spill it I'm listening"

I'm on a call with Ashley my Best friend who tells me everything, well we tell eachother everything, Ashley and I have been friends for the longest time, we grew up together and she was always there for me way before I even met Jude

"Ok so I just found out that Hannah is pregnant"

"What?"

"But the plot thickens, remember the boyfriend she said she was dating?"

"Yeah?"

"Well turns out he's not the father"

"If it's not him then whose the father?"

Jude walks into the house from  training and he waves at me, I wave back at him

"It turns out that Hannah was having an Affair" Ashley says

"An Affair with who"

I see Jude turn his head towards me like my sentence has just peaked his interest and he walks to where I'm sat in the sofa and sits next to me watching me with interest

"The Gardner"

"The Gardner?"

Jude grabs my phone from my ear and puts the phone on speaker

"Whose having an affair with the Gardner?" He asks

"Hey Jude"

"Hey Ash, how are you?"

"I'm good, how are you"

"I'm good,so whose having an Affair with the Gardner"

"Hannah"

"But wasn't she with that other boyfriend of hers that she was bragging about?" Jude asks

"Yeah she was, I guess she was cheating on him"

"But, he was such a good guy"

"I know right"

"But there's more tea to be spilled"

"What Is it"

"Alice"

"I swear there's always something happening in Alice's life" I say

"Alice decided that it was a good idea to get surgery, and because she didn't have the budget for it, she went to a makeshift surgeon, and it did not come out proper, it just looks weird honestly"

"Do you have a picture?"  I ask

"Yeah, hang on I'll send it just now"

Ash sends the picture and Jude and I look at it weirdly

"What has she done" he asks

"I'm speechless"

"I don't know whether to laugh or to cry" Jude says

"Why are her lips like that"

"Who ever did this to her needs to be arrested" Jude says

"Where is she now?" I ask

"At her house, she hasn't left eversince"

"Maybe we should check on her you know, see if she's doing fine" I say

"Yeah we should, we'll do it later"

"I'll make her something to try and make her feel better"

"Oh I just got am update on Hannah's situation"

"Turns out the Gardner is actually dating Haley, and he proposed to her"

"He proposed?" Jude asked

"So how are they going to work it out are they going to be one big polygamy Family"

"Even if the do that how is he going to afford to have a baby and have a wedding, knowing Haley she's definitely going to want a big extravagant wedding and she doesn't like sharing, so how is she going to share a husband with someone else?"

"What I don't get is how you're going to cheat on a person, then propose to the same person you cheated on, like do you know how much of a negative impact you have on a person"

"But Hannah is also in the wrong, she cheated on her boyfriend and went for Haley's then boyfriend and got pregnant by him, like that messed up, on top of that they are bestfriends" Jude says

"Ash you know I love you, but i could never be a sister wife with you, with anyone for a matter of fact"

"Don't worry, you're into footballers and I'm into NBA Stars totally different sport"

"Oh I forgot to tell you that Julia is moving" I say

"Julia is moving" They both ask

"Yeah she's moving back to France"

"Why?

"Something about being caught with the boss"

"She was caught with the boss"

"Well they weren't really keeping their affair a secret, they held hands in the office and they'd flirt in front of people, it was just a matter of time"

"But the boss?"

"Yup"

"Isn't she Lesbian?" Jude asks

"She's Lesbian?" I ask

"Isn't she in a relationship?" Ash asks

"She's in a relationship?" Jude and I ask at the same time

"That's crazy you know"

"It's insane actually"

"But hey you know what these aren't our lives and who are we to judge and Comment on other people's lives"

"True"

"So we'll meet in 2 hours to go and check on Alice?"

"Yeah, see you then"

I hang the phone up and look at Jude

"Let me go get ready I wanna see her myself"

"Jude when we get there please try to compose yourself until we get back home"

"Until we get back home?, I'll compose myself until we get into the car and drive off"

"Fine but if you can't keep your side if the bargain, I'll be very upset"

"Ok fine"

2 hours later

There's a knock

I walk to the door to reveal Ash

"Hey babe"

"Hey, you ready to go ?"

"Yup, just waiting for Jude"

"Ok, so what did you make Alice"

"Soup, cause you know I figured that she wouldn't be able to eat a lot of things that are solid"

"Yeah"

Jude walks down the stairs and greets Ash

Ash decides to ride in her own car on our way to Alice's house

When we arrive there I knock on the door and after a few seconds later the door opens revealing Alice

I turn to Jude and watch his eyes grow bigger, I then turn back to Alice

"Hey Alice we heard you weren't feeling well, so we thought we might check on you see how you're doing"

"Yeah, we heard what happened" Ash says

"Come in please"

"So how have you been" Jude asks

"Is it bad like really bad can you see I got my face done"

"No, it's not that bad, your lips just look more plumb" I say

I hear Jude clear his throat next to him

"I just can't stop looking in the mirror" she says crying

"Oh sweetie don't so that to yourself, I'm sure it will get better, don't bring yourself down like that" Ashley says

"Yeah Ashley is right I didn't even notice it until you brought it up" Jude says

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's right c'mon you must be hungry Y/n made soup for you I'll plate it up for you" Ash says taking the big bowl of soup from my hands and leading Alice to the Kitchen

"What are you doing" I ask him

"What, I thought we were telling her lies to make her feel better" he says

"Jude stop ok"

"But I haven't laughed ever since we got here, though it may be difficult not to I still haven't"

"Fine just stop with the side expressions and stuff"

"Oh c'mon you're going to stand there and pretend that all of this is not funny"

"Unlike you I know how to compose myself and keep my laughter in, and plus we're in her house how rude would it be if we just came in and laughed at her face"

He smiles a little almost like he's trying not to laugh

I sigh

"I give up on you"

We stay with Alice for 3 more hours until we announce that we have to go but Ash opts to stay with Alice until she's better and we promise to occasionally visit

As soon as we enter the car He laughs his ass off

"Let's not even talk about the lips did you see the eyebrows, she can't even lift her eyebrows"

"Wait until we get home"

"I'm not waiting until we get home I'm talking now"

"Jude"

"C'mon, it's not like she can hear me"

"Fine"

"Did you see the nose, it's like this" he says laughing and making the shape of her nose in the air

As much as I don't want to laugh at Alice Jude is not making it any easier not to so I just chuckle

"Her lips are like this, babe look" he says making his lips plump by squishing them together using his hands

I laugh at his comment and the rest if the way Jude and I are talking about Alice and all the things that could have forced her to do this to herself

The rest of the day is spent hanging out and Jude and i making dinner for ourselves then watching a movie then bed

As I'm changing into my Pajamas Jude speaks up

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"On a serious note though, l love you just the way you are"

I raise my eyebrow wondering where all of this came from

"Ok, why are you being weird"

"I'm not I'm just saying if you ever decide to get plastic surgery or a face lift, whatever it is, Just know that I love your body just the way it is and I don't want you to be pressured or feel like it's your obligation to make yourself look younger or have more curves or to look a certain way when you're with me"

"Aww, Jude Babe thank you so much, and to make you feel better and to put you at ease, I wasn't even thinking about getting anything on my body done so, you have nothing to worry about, in fact Alice's case just pushed me futher away from the idea"

He breathes a sigh of relief and walks over to me towers over me where he kisses my forehead

"I love you and your body"

"I love you too"

[cosmicpearlz]

yours for the time being |2|

summary: what happens when your academic rival of years proposes an offer of fake dating? pure chaos.

pairing: gryffindor!jude bellingham x slytherin!reader

a/n: chapter two is finally here!! there is a few time skips in this timeline because i really don't want this series to be overly long but everything still makes sense (at least to me lol). enjoy my loves <3

jude woke up the next morning determined to prove a point. prove a point to whom? no one per say but he was ready to tackle the day. showering and putting on his robes, he headed to the slytherin painting. the gryffindor managed to do everything before ron and harry woke up. did he need to wake up this early? no, he really didn't.

"where's y/n?"

"literally how the fuck did you get in here?" draco says, throwing a confused glance towards jude. the slytherin common room was pretty much empty besides draco, theo and blaise. the boy shrugged in reply to the question.

"don't worry about it."

"mate, y/n isn't even up at this hour. we can relay a message for you though," theo jumps in the conversation. he studied jude's face and body language, the slytherin boy knew something was up.

"i'll come back later then, yeah?"

"if you wish," theo shrugs his shoulders with a light nod. jude doesn't wait for anyone else to talk, he's off to his next destination. the great hall.

"he totally likes her," blaise says to the other guys as soon as jude left the common room.

"yeah, i can see that. i think she likes him too, if we're being honest," theo replied.

-

you were late. like super late and it's all because you didn't set your alarm properly. to make matters worse, of course your stupid friends didn't wake you. you missed breakfast, all of your morning classes and lunch. you showered, dressed in your robes and headed to the common room. you knew the friend group would be there at this time.

"you lot are fucking rude! how could you let me-" your voice trailed off upon seeing jude instead of your friends. a sight that shocked you once more.

"jude, what are you doing here?"

"welcome back to society sleeping beauty." you groaned and pouted at the thought of not having anything to eat. you seriously hated your friends in this moment.

"don't even start. i don't have any food in my system and i know that the kitchens are closed until dinner."

"lucky for you, i saved you a chocolate chip muffin. i know it's not a lot but i figured it would hold you until dinner," jude hands you the muffin that was wrapped in a paper towel.

"how'd you know i like the chocolate chip muffins?"

"i remember in our third year, you used to bully draco into giving you his. that way you always ended up with two." you heart skipped a beat, and you sent the boy a small smile.

"well thank you," you turn to take a seat on the couch. "you know you're missing the last set of classes to be here, right?"

"i was worried when i didn't see you for the day. so after lunch, i came to the common room with your friends. they left at some point to god knows where," he takes a seat next to you.

"and they didn't even wake me? ugh, those idiots."

"i think they thought that you weren't feeling good. to be fair, i would think so too. you're never late to class."

"you have a point buddy. thank you for the muffin again, i could literally kiss you right now," you take another bite, missing the way jude's smirk grows.

"i wouldn't complain about that."

"what?"

"i wouldn't complain if you kissed me. remember you're my girlfriend, a little peck wont hurt." you rolled your eyes and leaned closer to his face. you stare at him before placing a quick peck to his lips.

"you're so flirty bellingham. for no reason at that."

"what? i can't flirt with my girlfriend? and i don't think the kiss was long enough." it's official, the boy was going to drive you insane.

"not long enough?"

"yeah, c'mere for a second," jude wastes no time pulling you in for a kiss. the kiss is as gentle as his hand that rested on your cheek. you shuffle closer to his body, kissing him back intensely. the energy between the two of you pick up causing you both to fight for dominance. jude licks the bottom of your lip, seemly asking for permission. to which to you grant by opening your mouth enough for him to slip his tongue in.

"so he is your boy toy? and that's why he was here early this morning." you jumped away from jude hearing blaise's voice. turning your head, you lock eyes with your friends. each one staring in amusement.

"he isn't my boy toy. he's my boyfriend." you turned back towards jude, "you were here this morning?" jude interlocks his hand with yours, causally nodding his head.

"yeah, don't worry about that." you tilted your head in confusion.

"since when are you guys dating? you usually tell me everything," pansy asks with a slight pout on her face.

"we just started dating and its fairly new. i would've told you if you guys woke me up today! it's like y'all didn't even care my absence."

"told you we should've woken her up. sorry y/n, these idiots don't listen."

"you very well could've woken me up theo."

"you got a point. anyways, we were coming to grab you for dinner."

"good, i'm so hungry. we'll meet you guys in a minute."

"why? you wanna keep kissing your boyfriend?" draco says in a mocking tone. you give him a blank stare and flip him off.

"mind your business. shoo, we'll catch up." your friends left the two of you alone. waiting until the door closes again, you turn to jude.

"how'd i do?"

"you definitely made it believable."

"good. now, are we gonna talk about that kiss?"

"nah," jude shakes his head. "let's get you something to eat though," he stands up himself before helping you stand as well.

"so, we're just not gonna talk about the kiss?"

"walk," jude stands behind you with his hands on your shoulders. you huffed, letting the boy guide you out of the room.

-

the walk to the great hall was quiet yet peaceful. jude's hand remained interlocked with yours and everything felt natural. it was a crazy feeling seeing as it's only been two days since you guys agreed to fake date.

"will you sit with me?"

"are you asking jude?"

"yes. i'd like it if we sat together."

"because of lavender?"

"no, i'm not worried about her. i just like hanging out with you."

"that's a sentence that i've never thought i'd hear from you."

"is that a yes?" he pokes your side, waiting for an answer. you smiled up at him and nodded.

"sure, i'll sit with you."

jude leads the two of you to the gryffindor table. the quiet murmurs of students that watched the two of you suddenly made you self-conscious. you take a glance at your table, finding that your friends were already looking at you. you send a small smile to the group and focus on sitting down next to jude. meeting harry and ron's gazes, you could tell they weren't happy.

"what is she doing here?" harry looks away from you, turning his gaze to his friend.

"she's my girlfriend and i wanted her to sit with me."

"i'm sorry, did you just say girlfriend? as in this snake is your actual girlfriend?" ron asks in a dry manor. the table was awkwardly silent after that. hermione slaps his shoulder and gives a scolding look.

"well fuck you too," you mumbled under your breath. jude being the only one to hear you, kicks your leg lightly. you look to him with a scrunched face. to which he stares right back at you with furrowed brows, you sighed and began to pick at your food.

"don't call her that. we're still freshly new to the dating thing."

"we're happy for you," hermione smiles. you smile back at her and looked down once more. naturally ignoring the other two boys.

the rest of the table falls back into their own conversations. it makes you miss your table because it was like you were invisible during the time you say there. of course, jude did his best to include you in the conversation but the other two friends weren't having it. hermione being the only other person to talk to you. lavender stared at you guys the entire time. her grip on the metal spoon was enough to break it.

"so, in two weeks, our game is against slytherin," jude turns to you with a grin. the quidditch games between gryffindor and slytherin was always a sight to see. seeing as the houses were longtime rivals.

"let me guess; you want me to wear your scarf?"

"absolutely."

"no."

"oh c'mon! why not?"

"because slytherin is gonna kick your team's ass. why would i wear the losing team's colors?" you smirk up at him with a slightly scrunched nose.

"and how are you so sure that your team is winning princess?" jude gazes into your eyes. your chest starts to feel warm under his intense eye contact.

"i just know," you shrugged, maintaining the eye contact he gave you. unbeknownst to the two of you, hermione watches the exchange. she smiles to herself, knowing that the two of you were practically perfect for each other.

"do i have to beg?"

"maybe. i dunno, you should try it," you keep your snicker to yourself. it's jude's turn to huff and roll his eyes.

"can you please wear my scarf?"

"hmm," you stroke your chin with your pointer finger and thumb. pretending to even give it a second thought.

"no."

-

you wore the stupid scarf. maybe it was jude's pathetic puppy dog eyes that did it for you. or maybe it was you growing a small soft spot for the gryffindor over the last couple of weeks. standing with hermione and pansy, you felt nervous for this match. you wanted your team to win but a small part of you hoped jude won.

"wearing your boyfriends' colors, huh?" pansy smirked at you.

"pans, knock it off. jude asked me to wear it but it doesn't mean i want slytherin to lose."

"i think it's sweet that you put your pride aside to support your boyfriend," hermione says, while nudging your arm. you finally crack and smile at the thought.

"yeah yeah, whatever. i wish this game would start, it's cold out here," you snuggled his scarf closer to your face. seemly inhaling his cologne that was left on it. a delightful woody smell with a hint of spice. it was enough to make you melt, not that you would ever tell jude that.

"oh, look it's finally starting!" pansy shakes your shoulders, along with reaching over you to poke hermione's arm.

the slytherin team walks out to the pitch first. cheers and boos fill the stadium. next, the gryffindor team walks on to the pitch and receive the same treatment as the other team. with the blow of the whistle, everyone begins flying on their brooms.

the match was intense. from the defending to the fighting for the golden stitch. gryffindor was the first to score a goal, causing your fellow slytherins to groan. you were amused by lee's commentary that he says during every game. both teams going back and forth scoring goals.

"it looks like jude bellingham and theodore nott are going after the golden stitch! let's see who is able to make it first," the announcement rang through the stadium speakers. you couldn't watch as the two of them fight head on. you place your hands over your eyes but stood in anticipation with the rest of the crowd. that was until you heard the loud gasps of the crowd.

"jude bellingham has been knocked off of his broom! that might leave a nasty bruise or two," lee announced, causing you to gasp too. you watched as he felt from his broom, landing in a weird way.

"slytherin wins once again!" you couldn't bring yourself to cheer with your peers. rushing off the stands to follow the helpers that carried an unconscious jude off the pitch and towards the hospital wing.

-

"is he okay?" you burst through the doors of the hospital wing and questioned madame pomfrey. hermione and pansy standing behind you for comfort.

"he will be. nothing broken, just a few scars and bruising to the ribs." before you could answer, lavender entered through the same doors. you rolled your eyes and turned towards the girl.

"what are you even doing here?"

"checking on jude, as if that wasn't obvious." you stepped closer to the gryffindor girl with a fiery look in your eyes.

"listen here lavender. jude doesn't want you. it's pathetic that you're even still trying! me and him are dating, get over it. if he really wanted you, he would've been dating you a long time ago." your speech rendered the girl speechless. you watched as her eyes watered, but you couldn't bring it in you to care that much. jude groans and your attention is back on him.

"let's give these two some privacy." madame pomfrey ushers everyone out the room. you walk to his bed and watch as his eyes flutter open, meeting your gaze.

"sounds like i gave you quite the scare," jude's voice is horsed and he still manages to let out a small dry chuckle. you sit on the bed, bringing a hand to touch his face.

"you idiot."

"i'm okay, i promise," he wiggled his hand free from under the blanket to grab yours that rest on his cheek. jude maintains his eye contact, while bringing your hand to his lips. pressing soft kisses to the palm and your heart jumped.

"you're bruised up though."

"lucky for me, i have someone to take care of me," jude whispers. you chuckle and lean down to kiss his cheek. you weren't sure what came over you, but you felt that it was something you needed to do.

"who says i'm taking care of you?"

"me. it's part of the girlfriend rule book."

"the girlfriend rule book?" the boy dramatically gasps at your questioning tone.

"you've never heard of the girlfriend rule book?"

"pretty sure that's not a thing bellingham."

"of course it is. there's a page that says girlfriends must care for their injured or sick boyfriends."

"oh yeah?"

"yes."

"you made that up."

"no, it's real." you stare at him with a knowing look. for a couple seconds, it was silent between you guys. you were just staring at each other before jude cracks a smile.

"okay, i made it up."

"I knew it! it sounded so stupid, something you'd definitely think of."

"is it wrong for me to want my girlfriend to kiss it better?" he sticks his bottom lip out in a pout. you giggled at his silliness and shake your head.

"no, i suppose not."

"can i get a kiss?"

"do you deserve a kiss?"

"c'mon, i'm on my death bed," he whines like a child that isn't getting what they want.

"you're not on your death bed jude."

"woman just kiss me already!"

you lean your head down to press a kiss to his lips. you try to pull away but jude is quicker in pressing your face closer to his. mouths moving in sync with each other. he bites your bottom lip, loving the sound you make in the kiss. you hand touches the side of his rib, which causes him to break the kiss and flinch. a groan of pain comes out of his mouth. your hand jumps back from his body in stock.

"i'm so sorry. i completely forgot! are you okay?" your eyes search his body and face frantically. jude places both hands on your cheeks, turning you to face him.

"i'm okay princess. you did nothing wrong."

"promise?"

"i promise," he pulls your head down to peck your lips once more.

god, it looks like you both are breaking your rule of not getting attached to each other. neither of you seem to care too much about that. your hearts beating solely for each other. not that the other knows about the secret feelings that were brewing up.

[bahrtofane]

promises under the stars - jude pov

Jude never meant to replace you. But that's how it ended up isn't it. There's no one to blame but himself, no one behind each and every decision that now has him standing at the end of an aisle, waiting for his bride. A bride that isn't you. 

highly highly recommend reading this fic first. or else it kinda doesnt make a whole lot of sense on its own. then come back here. this is kinda like a part 2? kinda

shout out to this anon for this idea ! hope you like it

word count - 2.1K+

watch it - well angst, yet again. pregnancy talks the works. sorry if i used ur name for his wife xoxo. enjooyyy

p.s. - shout out to @anadiasmount for the inspo to create the image at the end ! go read all her stuff yall so good

—————-

He thinks the moment it all comes crumbling down is when he gets word of you getting mobbed. After you've just been to Madrid with him. And he can't do anything about it but send security and hope it doesn't get out of hand. 

He expects you to give up right then and there, curse him and wish for him to have nothing to do with your life again. But you don't. You can never bring yourself to blame him. To hate him.

Then comes your whole family suing him for something completely out of his control. Fresh after your father has threatened him, this is just what they need to come after him legally. 

It's okay because they don't win. Of course they don't. How stupid do you have to be to try and sue for going on vacation for someone you love. He wants to call you every step of the way. But his lawyer warns against it. So he doesn't. And you’re left in the dark.

Do you even know that they've tried to sue?

He can guess what you're thinking. He knows you too well. You think this is him taking an exit from his life. He doesn't want it to be this way. Maybe its for the best after all he finds himself thinking. Back to the thoughts of letting you go for your good as much as his. 

But like most things in life, things get muddy. 

He spends his time in a whirlwind of emotions, all leading back to you. He can not go more than an hour without you in his mind. 

Even if his texting habits dont show it, he wants to talk to you every second of every day. Do you remember when he would call you to complain about the mundane. When he stubbed his toe, or drank out of his mind, pressing his nose against the screen trying to feel you against him. 

Things have changed. He’s no longer the same youthful Jude with a penchant for recklessness. Taking day trips to see you, skirting around paparazzi and your families just to have a moment together.

He misses you, but he’s scared to reach out again. So he remains silent and an onlooker to your life. 

Funny isn't it. World class player with more money than he knows what to do with is scared to text you in fear of what your families will say or do. 

And yet, he can’t stay away for long can he. His resolve breaks on your birthday. Months and years have gone by. Legal cases are drawn out go figure. And he's been so busy with games every few days and events he can never say no too. When he gets home his bones ache, only finding the strength to clean himself up and go to bed. 

When he calls you he realizes maybe it's too late. That waiting for things to blow over have left a gap in your time together. He knows nothing but memories. Your life eludes him. He tries to go back truly, but seeing your story while you're out with friends, smiling- actually smiling. He thinks he better not intrude. 

His mother isn't helping one bit. She's come to the conclusion that the only way to move on and get your family off his back for good is to just move on. Find a “nice sensible girl” she says, smiling.  

Jude doesn't want to. It makes him sick. Kicking and screaming the whole way about it. It’s not a bad idea in theory. Pretend to date someone. Your family gets off his back his family of yours boom you can be happy together again. 

So he can learn who you are again. Find a way into your life. Do you still tilt your head when you're confused? He needs to get back to you. He can't let someone like you leave. He doesn’t just love you, he’s fascinated with the person you’ve grown into. 

The thought of you with anyone else makes him sick. He still loves you, and he makes himself believe that the same is true. 

If only right.

He meets Kaylie in the dead of winter. At a sponsorship event that he completely forgets about and shows up an hour late to. He looks around trying to find his agent but before he can even say his usual rounds of hellos he spots his mother standing with a blonde who clutches her necklace to her chest while she laughs.

This is the start of his own nightmare.

He comes back around when he knows he has to. After taking his sweet time talking to everyone. He tries to look for help to get out of the encounter but it's already too late. His mother is flagging him down. So he walks over, already sweating. 

His mother all but pushes them together. 

“What a couple you two are.” she beams, hands clasped together. 

He gives a tight lipped smile and tries to wiggle his way out the awkward slew of introductions Kaylie gives of herself. But his mother gives him a look, grabbing into his arm and making stand and listen. 

There's a look in his mothers eye, he knows what it means. This is the woman that's supposed to replace you. He feels sick. 

——-

Along the way he thinks that maybe this is what's best for him. For you. 

His family all love Kaylie. And she's sweet enough.

Nothing like you, dragging him into different clubs while you linked arms to get ice cream at the same time.

He finds it hard to keep up with her. Her life is fast paced, more so than his. Every time he calls she's in a different country it seems, catching flights and going to fancy resorts.

You never minded a quiet night in. Its what you loved, being able to exist with him. 

Most of all she doesnt know him. She knows Jude Bellingham. The player, the figure, the celebrity. She doesn't know that he has a bad habit of touching his ears when he's nervous, how his eyes go wide at praise and teasing. How without a hundred reminders and alarms he truly would be late for everything. You always helped getting him to things on time.

When you were both awkward pre teens struggling to make sense of the world, you’d stop by his house to make sure he wouldn’t miss the bus. Sitting next to him on the beaten leather seats, and spitting facts you learned the day before. 

He always listened. He still would today. 

He doesn't think Kaylie’s noticed anything about him. She spends most of their time together taking pictures and flaunting him around. He pretends it doesn't bother him. Is the peace even worth it at this point?

She doesn't know how much he loves making little daisy chains, how much he loved putting them in your hair when you were kids. You’d throw a fit, but he never missed the look in your eyes when his fingers would swoop down to settle them gently. 

Kaylie is beautiful. But she's not beautiful like you. She may have an expensive taste for clothes that allows her to put together a stunning outfit for any occasion, cleavage on display while she pouts her lips and bats her eyelashes for a kiss. Kisses he never gives her. He can't. Not when he knows you wait for him. 

Sure she's great by the average man's standards. But she's not lovely like you. You could be in a trash bag and he'd still think you're the most gorgeous person on the planet. 

He thinks this whole Kaylie thing will blow over, that he'll be able to get back to you. 

And he tells her this. 

He goes through the motions, just to shut everyone up. 

Sitting her down when his mother isn’t around, “I don't love you. I will never be okay. I'm only here to get my mom off my back.”

And she laughs, flicking her hair over her shoulder, “Okay Judey whatever you say,” bracelets clanking together.

The name makes him want to hurl. “Get out of my house.”

Kaylie has got it in her head that she's here to stay. They've gotten into screaming matches because she's gotten her hands on the spare key and spends her days lounging in his house while he's away. They're not even officially dating by any means. 

And he keeps finding her in his bed, in nothing but one of his shirts. Giggling and acting coy. He's losing his patience and losing it fast. 

“Why did you give her the key.” Jude storms into his mothers house. 

She's making tea, swirling a spoon in her mug,”she's your woman isn't she. She needs one.”

“No. She's not my woman and you know that. Everyone that.”

She set the spoon down in the sink, going over to where Jude stands.

“Jude. you need to focus on what's good for you. And she wasn't good. You should be lucky that they didn't win the case. I went and told them about Kaylie and how wonderful she is. Be thankful. “

He's losing his mind. He needs to talk to you. 

He gets the chance when he's back in his hometown. And he sees you. He doesn’t think he could ever miss you, not even in a crowd. A rush of people stop him from running right to you. So instead he texts you. For the first time in ages. 

Was nice seeing you.

He hopes you can read between the lines, that you still know him well enough to understand what he really means. 

I still see you. 

For Jude is a coward. 

——

You dont reply. He forces himself to go back to what hes been forced to know.

Kaylie is all over him, hands roaming his body. There are days when he gives in. Sharing a bed with her as a cruel demented way to find some sort of release from everything that goes on around him.  The look on her face after its all set and done makes him genuinely want to punch something. A look of arrogance, like she's won something. 

And to top it all off he's been called up for England. His life gets even busier, if possible. Trying to keep up with it all proves to be grueling.

But light comes in the form of you. In the form of a single text.

Watched you play tonight. I'm proud of you.

You're proud of him? You watched him? 

The words bring him to near sobs, the light of his phone illuminating his hotel room while hes getting changed into his pjs. It's completely dark, his personal preference. And hes so happy he would fly the damn plane himself to see you. 

Before he can even think of a reply Kaylie tells him she's pregnant. Barging into his room with a little white box in hand. He thinks is some sort of congratulations for the game. Tacky card, maybe a watch. 

When he opens it, his world comes to a halt. Its a single pregnancy test.

He wants to cry. He's too young to be having kids let alone with her. It makes no sense to him. He always used protection the handful of times they did sleep together. Each time he'd only cry in the shower trying to scrub off her smell and the feeling of her touch off of him. She's only a distraction he tells himself. Too late for those words now.

It feels so wrong, so so wrong. He was supposed to be waiting for you and here he is sleeping with another woman. Who's now pregnant. He wants to vomit. 

He's in too deep now. And he can't be a deadbeat dad. 

Thoughts of you get pushed back to his mind while he scrambles to deal with the consequences of his own actions. 

When they get back to Madrid, his mother doesnt let him off easy. Screaming at him till he thinks he's popped an eardrum. And yet there's a gleam in her eyes like she's happy it all worked out this way. Doting on Kaylie and rubbing her belly (that's not even close to showing yet), and calling herself grandma already. 

The next step is obvious. He has to marry her and make it work.

So he does. An impromptu wedding that happens so fast he doesn't even hear the congratulations from everyone. He doesn't know how to break it to you so instead he posts on instagram and tries to figure out what his life has become. 

Jude is nearing 25. He has a kid on the way. He's married. He hates his wife. He hate himself.  Can you ever forgive him?

[hannahssimblr]

I spend three hours wandering around the estate looking for Goose. I've checked every front garden, every hedge and flower bed and under every car, looked inside bins and up trees by the time I'm forced to contend with the fact that I haven't confronted the railroad tracks yet. I don't. I never pluck up the courage.

I can’t fathom it, being the one to find him there, sweet Goose with his little kitten paws and soft pewter fur. This thought that I hadn’t even considered until Michelle spat it at me is tormenting me now as I forlornly wander the evening streets, calling out the name that I’m not even sure he knows to answer to yet. 

I stumble upon Jen in a little park we used to drink in when we were fourteen. She’s been out looking too, evidently, but has had enough and is sitting on the ground gazing out over the last russet streaks of sunset over Dublin Bay. 

“Have you given up?” I ask her. Her eyes are clouded with sadness 

“I have a feeling he’s gone, Jude,” she says. I feel a lump forming in my throat. “He mightn’t be. He might come back, you know, cats are known to show up after being away for days, weeks, months even,” this is the sort of bargaining a person who refuses to accept the obvious truth gets too involved with, and the kind I’ve been doing with myself the whole afternoon, thinking that maybe if I imagine Goose’s return with enough conviction I will magic him home again, but Jen, for once does not match my idealism.

“He probably doesn’t know where his home is yet, he’s too new.”

“Yeah,” I shift some loose gravel with the toe of my shoe. “Jen, I feel so awful.”

“I know,” she says, and holds her arms out to me to pull me to the ground and wrap them around me, “It isn’t your fault, it could have happened to any of us.”

“I ruined the entire day with my stupidity.”

“Shh, stop,” gently fingers stroke my hair at the nape of my neck, “you just made a mistake, it’s human.”

“Did I ruin your date?”

She pauses, “It’s okay, I don’t think she realised it was a date, and it's probably for the best.” 

The wind rustles through the trees around the park, and I feel chilled with the knowledge that change is coming. The school year is ending soon and now the future lies unavoidably ahead of me, a path completely untrodden. 

“You’ll find someone else to take to the debs,” I tell Jen, peering at the side of her face as her short crop of chestnut hair is backlit by the sunset. “You should have been the first person to get a date anyway.”

She gives me a half smile, unconvinced, “there are like, four lesbians in our year including me.”

“Out lesbians,” I point out, “You never know.”

“When I go to college it will be better,” she says firmly, “school is just destined to be shit, romantically, I mean.”

“In all ways, I think.”

She just laughs. 

“This stuff is bullshit anyway.”

“What is? Love?”

I rub my arms where goosebumps are rising with the cold. I should have worn a jumper. “Yeah, you’re not missing out on much.”

A silence follows, one that feels deliberate, but I venture into it anyway, “Michelle and I had a bad fight earlier.”

“I heard.”

“Us shouting?”

“Mm.”

“Sorry.” I wipe my nose which is running from the cold with the back of my arm. “It was terrible, we both said awful things.”

She just circles her hand on my knee in a vague gesture of comfort.  

“Sometimes it feels like she’s trying to hurt me, you know what I mean? It’s like she has all of this bad stuff stored up that she wants to, like, unleash. It’s so vicious. It seems like she really wants to dig her nails in and leave a mark on me, and then I get so defensive, like, because talking it out doesn’t work, I have to shout, and I have to be horrible too so that she’ll even react to me.”

“We all say things we regret when we’re upset.”

“Yeah, but it’s so destructive. I come away from it all feeling like shit. Like, this isn't who I am, I’m not a person who fights. At least I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be up there saying these things to her, but I can’t stand there and let her say them to me either.”

“Yeah.”

“And I worry a lot about what things are going to look like after this year is over, like, with college and stuff,” even mentioning it makes my stomach feel tight, “like, um, how she wants us to live together and all.”

“And you’re nervous about that?”

I sigh, “Well, I don’t know, it makes sense to do it, right? She thought we could get a little place near NCAD, and we’ve been looking at houses online, and… I don’t know. The idea of being around her all of the time, like, twenty-four-seven, sharing a bed, eating every meal together, walking to college, it makes me feel claustrophobic, and then I worry that if I feel that way now, how am I going to feel when I’m actually doing it? Surely it’s not supposed to feel so terrible, right?” I prompt her when she doesn’t respond, “Jen? What do you think?”

She pauses for a long moment, toying with the aglets on the end of her boot laces. “I think that you’re asking me for an opinion I’m not prepared to give you.”

“...right.”

“We agreed, I agreed with you both that I’d never talk to one about the other. It’s not fair on me and I don’t want to feel stuck in the middle of it.”

“But-”

“You’re both nice people and I love you both so much, but when you are together you are absolutely horrible. That’s all I want to say.”

I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't, I just sit in bad feelings and wish for the millionth time that my brain was normal enough to make good choices on its own and not beg them from other people.

I sniff again, though this time I’m not sure if it’s just because of the cold. “So, um, the acceptance deadline for those other colleges is coming up.” 

“The foreign ones?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you still going to turn them down?”

“I promised Michelle that I would.” 

Jen’s shoulders slump, all of her does, like someone has let the air out of her, but she just says, “Alright.”

I feel the teeth of my genuine desperation for her opinion, her approval gnawing at me. I just want the sage words of advice she’s withholding from me, “Is it a mistake? Like, if I reject their offers? Would that be the stupidest thing I ever did?”

“I don’t know.”

“I worked hard, you know? I really put everything I had into those applications, I gave them the best that I had and they loved it, they said really nice things about me in the letters, and sometimes, like, I think I’ll die, or something, if I don’t leave Dublin. But then there’s Michelle,” I fist the front of my hair in my hand, “and the things at home, and I don’t know what the right thing is, whether it’s hurting myself or hurting everyone else…”

“Jude,” Jen suddenly grabs hold of my face and forces me to look into her eyes, “you have to do what feels right, okay? I’m not going to tell you what to do. Like, just… you need to fucking search within or whatever.”

“Uh huh. What does that entail?” 

“I dunno!” She lets me go and stands up, brushing dirt from the back of her jeans, “C’mon, it’s cold, we should go home.”

“Uh, I was kind of hoping you’d be able to solve me, actually.”

“No, this time you can solve yourself. C’mon, up!” She presents her hand to me and I let her haul me onto my feet. 

“Ugh, Jen,” I say, feeling myself sinking back into a melancholy hole again, but she links my arms and brusquely walks me toward the playground gates with all the pep of a middle aged Sunday morning power walker. “You know what? I think we could both do with something nice to make us feel better.”

“What do you mean ‘something nice’?

“Like, I dunno, an ice cream or something.”

“What time is it? It must be after nine.”

“Yeah, so? I was thinking of that place with all the weird flavours, do you remember that?”

“Yeah, but it’s all the way in town. Effort.”

“You can drive, can’t you?”

“You want me to drive? Jen I hate driving.”

“I think you’ll do it for me.”

“Why’d you think that?”

She eyes me sideways, “After what you put me through today, hm?”

“That's manipulation.”

“No, it's payback.”

“Fine. I’ll go get the car.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Come on, before I change my mind.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[ms-snape]

BECAUSE I LOVE U

Summary: Y/n is madly in love with her best friend Jude Bellingham but he only considers her as his friend or so she thinks.

POV of Y/n

I was fed up, I couldn't get it out of my head anymore, what kind of friendship is if one of you feels more than friendship for the other, I had to move on and go to the game on the Dortmund tonight was not going to help anything.

My friend Mélanie had organized a meeting for me with one of his acquaintances that evening, I felt a bit guilty for not going to see my best friend play, but it was for the good of our friendship.

"Hi Y/n , isn't it?: A young man challenges me, saying he was cute would be a crime, he was downright handsome, but not as handsome as Jude, MY GOD Y/N GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!

Jude's POV

One of the most important matches of my career was about to begin, I entered the pitch before the start of the match and began to scan the stands in search of her, but she was nowhere to be found, she still wouldn't have missed such an important match. yes, I appeared to return to the locker room to take my phone maks it was too late.

-Match Ellipses-

We had narrowly won, and to celebrate, some player wanted to go to a new restaurant in town, I didn't want to go there at first, flying to find Y/n, but she wasn't answering my calls, so I decided to go with them.

Y/N's POV

The evening went pretty well, the young man, who by the way was called Lucas, was very nice and polite, but I couldn't help but think of Jude throughout, I wondered what it would be like. ' being on this date with him, my phone kept ringing so I had to put it in airplane mode, when I looked at it I saw that I was in pain missed call and text from Jude asking me why I hadn't been to the game.

The restaurant suddenly became noisy and all the customers were in front of the photo, I turned around curious to see my worst nightmare, there were 5 Dortmund players, including Jude, I turned around in a hurry panicked that he can see me, Lucas must have noticed because he put his hand on mine asking me if I was fine, I nod my head too embarrassed by his unexpected gesture.

"Y/n? This voice was familiar to me, it was Jude's, he looked sternly at Lucas' hand on mine, without a word he dragged me to the terrace.

"And I thought something bad happened, seriously instead of being there for me during such an important game YOU'RE GOING ON A FUCKING DATE" he shouts the last part which makes me flinch, Jude only got a little angry and seeing him like that scared me a little, but the reality hit me.

"What's your problem, I finally have a date and you instead of being happy for me like every best friend should be, you're angry because of a stupid match, why?" it start really getting on my nerves this story, I just wanted the evening to end so I could cry while falling asleep.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU" He shouts and a deafening silence ensues.

"Wh-what" I stammered, did he really just say what I've been dreaming about for years.

"I love you Y/n, I've been doing it for a while now, but I didn't want to tell you because I know you don't feel the same way and I didn't want to risk our friendship." he sighs.

"II, I can't believe it's a joke, right?" mine.

"I love you too you idiot, I only accepted this date to try to forget you, but I couldn't" I tell him once separated.

"I never want to see you hold another man's hand again, only mine," he warns.

"At your service"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

That's it that's all.

Thank you for reading and see you soon for a new imagine.

Send me your ideas.

Kisses

[mermaidsirennikita]

FINALLY finished Prince of Dreams (it took longer than usual, not due to a lack of enthusiasm but a lack of time) and my God... that shit was FIRE, and I will be expanding upon why at some point BUT!

I'd be remiss if I did not point out a clear pipeline from Jude Deveraux's CLASSIC A Knight in Shining Armor (which, yes, is dated in some ways, hello 1980s fat-shaming, but also is absolutely an integral romance novel, in my opinion, when you look over the span of the genre).

Jude is very much a foundational romance novelist. If you never try a Jude novel, I think you're missing out. There's this inherent comedy to her writing conveyed through witty dialogue and wacky hijinx, and some truly fucking INSANE plots. I also find that she does a really good job with setting up a Moment in her books, and you often get these really fun side characters. The Princess is the first Jude book I'd read in a WHILE, but it's so good. Even the "Daddy Montgomery" thing (in which the hero calls himself Daddy Montgomery even though he's just met this woman and is administering CPR) is like, fine. I'll accept it. It was the 80s.

A Knight in Shining Armor, which Jude has said (in a really good interview on the Fated Mates podcast, should you wish to listen) is a book that really changed her career... is really a daring romance novel. For so many reasons, some of which I can't get into. But it sets up this balls to the wall dual time travel thing (where the hero initially travels from the 1500s to the 80s, and the heroine later travels BACK to the 1500s) and like... a truly dickish hero. Who has to learn TWICE, for more reasons I can't get into.

But you have things like the insane mysticism which isn't ever quite explained because that's not the point. You have the element of love across centuries, which I think is really hard to convey, and many readers interpret it as like... cheating? When it's really this soul-deep connection that transcends time in both these books.

And you have. A Thing. That makes the hero look really bad. A thing that I don't think we see enough of in a genre that predates modern contraception, but like. It's not that presence of the Thing, it's the way the hero HANDLES it. Him becoming better in that sense is crucial to his character development, and it goes beyond the heroine and pleasing her and moves towards making him a whole person.

In some ways, I think I personally prefer Prince of Dreams, BUT I don't think it's difficult to see where Kleypas, a historical romance novelist writing in the aftermath of that book's success, would have some inspo and sort of do a response. I mean, there are many romance novelists who played with reincarnation and time travel back in the day, from what I understand, and I wish we saw more of that.

I mean. Sierra Simone is certainly doing it...

But I think this idea of a love story that transcends not only time but basic identity and has to fight for recognition in multiple eras is SO. SO. GOOD.

[darkfictionjude]

Etymology nonnie here!

Here is the announced ask about Lorcan and Orla.

I'm going to be honest here. I imagined a very different relationship for them both. I expected their romance had been at most two years long, or something. So, I was shocked to learn it had lasted a decade (they were so young when everything began, like, was Lorcan 6 and Orla 7-8, more or less?). It changed the entirety of my understanding of the relationship.

Before I thought Lorcan had just gotten lucky and dated the popular older girl, and it's so stuck on Orla after all this time in part because of it. Because Orla seems like this ideal girl in his mind who paid attention to him.

But this was a very long relationship that began when they were very young. Like, there are marriages that last less than their relationship did. And even if it wasn't very romantic at the beginning (I would assume, yet I don't know how romantic kids that age can be), there was an intimate and important connection for what was their formative years. This kind of relationship, I would argue, is a significant part of their identity. I wouldn't be surprised if his connection with Orla was a very important part of Lorcan own sense of self. It is no surprise how heartbroken he is about the whole thing. Especially since there isn't any real closure for him to have yet.

And it also explains why any MC would be wary of falling in love with him. How do you compare with someone so important? Someone who, no matter what, would be idealized to some extent as she died? And will always be looked at with fondness by Lorcan?

Lorcan's childhood and adolescence is defined by his relationship with Orla to such a big degree... I don't know know. I almost feel bad for having an MC who romances him. To inflict, even if unintentionally (at least from my MCs perspective), such angst and conflict. Because I'm sure Lorcan would feel like he is disrespecting Orla by dating, firstly, a sibling of hers; and worse, the sibling she had basically disowned.

Sure, it's deliciously dramatic from our perspective as readers (and author, in your case, dear Jude). But it's tragic in universe.

Yet, this long relationship also makes Orla more complex, in my opinion. Even if she had issues with loving herself and others. She could have broken this relationship whenever she wanted. She was in a position where she could date anyone. Yet, she stuck during ten years, from childhood to death, with Lorcan. The poorest boy in town. Younger than her. And she planned to move with him far from Croun... It humanizes her a lot, in my eyes. And makes it even more clear why she is in such a high pedestal for Lorcan. How couldn't she be?

It doesn't help that Orla and MC had been put in positions where they were compared. Where MC was attempted to be turned into a second Orla. That whole dynamic just makes the potential romance with Lorcan something that may demand a pause for the reader. To reflect upon the pros and the cons. About the emotions. About the level of denial, or to leave behind, many things.

It's such an intriguing relationship and dynamic. The more I learn about it the more fascinated I am.

Imre may be first in my heart, but Lorcan is a close second. Lorcan is just such a tragic figure I simply cannot just ignore him. In a way he is the opposite of Imre. While Imre doesn't have any ties to MC, yet is untrustworthy, manipulative and seductive; he is attractive, and rich. Dangerous, yet appealing. In contrast, Lorcan has reasons, even if unknown, to resent MC, yet he is earnest. I would trust Lorcan more. And, instead of being at awe at him, as I could be with Imre, I pity him. I want to console him. To hug him and tell him everything will be okay.

And, in a way, a romance/friendship with MC is a way for both to evolve with their relationship with Orla. MC learns about her complexities, her humanity. The lovable side of her. And Lorcan learns to make her human instead of an ideal. To cherish her, but not to devote himself to her memory.

I do wonder if we put all your musings on paper how long would it be? 💀 it’s very detailed and thought out for tumblr asks (although you didn’t ask me anything 😭)

I guess many of you didn’t go back to look at old asks where I said the length of their relationship (selfie and co. were there for that)

It’s interesting because you for it might humanize Orla but for others it might make it seem like she kept him around selfish reasons. Since you all know so little of their relationship the whole thing is left up to interpretation until I reveal more.

That’s why I’ve always said Lorcan and mc are slow burn. It would not be believable or make sense for them to be quick. The denial stage is pretty much the whole season. As Lorcan falls for mc he’s unwittingly letting Orla go and maybe it might finally allow him to see without a blindfold how given how many years she was in his life that maybe he idolized her too much. It’s a process, those who romance him I feel understand that, as the asks I’m getting about this seem to be from those not romancing him

Honestly the idea of mc and Lorcan finding “Orla” together and letting her go from their lives seems rather beautiful to me

[magicalhideoutengineer]

You had more opportunities in the last film to work with Jude, because in Crimes of Grindelwald I don't recall we have scenes with Dumbledore and Bunty.

Victoria Yeates: No, there was more. They changed the script. There was more in the first one, and then it got moved, kind of me saving the day got moved to this film. So there was gonna be more, and then it changed more into this film, which was more about the goodies.

So those scenes from Crimes of Grindelwald, they got cut. Where would Bunty and Dumbledore have run into each other?

Victoria Yeates: I don't know. I didn't get to see them. Yeah, I just knew it like a vague something or other, because they were planning it all out. They were trying to also work out dates with Neal Street in Call the Midwife and trying to get me released so that I can do the film, and that was a bit complicated.

At the end of Secrets of Dumbledore, even if she is kind of the hero who saves the day, the way that she talked about Tina at the end, we feel like, "No, it can't be end of the story." We need more because she's still in grief for what should have been.

Victoria Yeates: That was what got decided when we got to that scene. I said to Eddie, I said, "I want the audience to know that I'm letting you go. I don't want this to continue", and I think that's a really beautiful thing when you love someone, seeing the other person's photo and saying, "That's who you should be with." Sometimes you just know that's who you're supposed to be with, and I think that again shows you a depth of emotional maturity, just an incredible aspect of her person, to look at someone and go, "You know, you love Tina. You know, go for it. You know you do." Yeah, I thought that was really a lovely way to finish that arc for her, and then it opens up for everything.

What a shame that we missed out on girlboss, hyper-competent Bunty.

Victoria Yeates: I know. I know. It was like a really good scene about character, which I suppose why they wrote it in. It was long enough as it was, things have to go. But she really gives it to the Nifflers. She's really strict with them, and she really tells them off. She just absolutely has it, like, "I'm not having any more of your nonsense. She's really like, "Look, get back in the case, now." David said, "I love how you shout at the Nifflers." I'm really like strict.

So obviously we've talked a lot about Bunty's character. Why do you think she is the right choice to carry the real case? Why was she the chosen one in that situation?

Victoria Yeates: Because she's completely unexpected. So who's gonna be trying to chase Bunty? It's a good choice, isn't it? It's like when you pick spies or people like that, you are not gonna go for someone that's really loud-mouthed and obvious, and I think that there was a bit that was cut where Dumbledore and Newt are talking, and Dumbledore says that Bunty, she's incredible, your assistant, and he says, "I chose her because she's like the Qilin, because she's pure of heart." Yeah, and so that is the essence of the whole film, is that her and the Qilin represent each other and she's pure of heart, and only someone pure of heart can say to the person they love, "Go and be with someone else." Because that's real love, isn't it? When you really want someone to be happy. Yeah, so that was why she was chosen, and obviously the Qilin would be comfortable with her.

So when it actually comes to Bunty's crush, do you have any idea about that backstory, about how she became so attached, how it was so intense? Obviously she lets up by the end, but it was like...

Victoria Yeates: Yeah, it's been eight years, isn' it? So she idolised him at school. This is what I think. So, yeah, she's admired him from afar and then she goes to the book signing, and I think there's a photograph of that in the first movie, and so she goes to the book signing and it's just like really gauche, such a big fan, and just says, "Do you need an assistant? I'll come and help you. I'll just come and help, you know. That's fine, whatever you need." She just imposed herself on him, and that's it, and she just goes in, and that's it, just get herself a job. So that's the thing, isn't it? This is where you start to piece things together. She's that kind of person. She goes for what she wants also. There's gotta be a part of her where she goes, "Right, I'm gonna not only goes to the book signing, I'm gonna go up to him and say, 'You need an assistant. I'm gonna be an assistant. Can I be your assistant?'" He doesn't know what to do because he's probably like, "No." His type of character is not just gonna let someone in. She'd have to be quite persistent, I think, to get in. He's not just gonna go, "Oh, yeah, here we go. Come on down." He's really socially inept. He doesn't want someone around. She's got to become indispensable to him. So another knock on the door, turns up again, "Just thought you might need some help," and then he's like, "Look, this girl keeps coming. I just feel now she just stayed."

So you said that you were supposed to go film in Portugal for what scenes?

Victoria Yeates: So it was gonna be set in Brazil. So we were all gonna get three months or something in Portugal, yeah, and then that old Covid bug put an all stopper on that. I know, we were so excited. We were like, "Oh my God, I bet we get an amazing hotel. We would have time off to go to the beach. Oh, wow. Be wild."

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS Fall - Chapter 5 - Part 1

BOOK TWO: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

"I'll talk to you later, Noah," and I hung up the phone and set my phone face down on my nightstand.

I had a reason to be upset, didn't I?

I mean, friend?

I wasn't Noah's friend, I was his' boyfriend' and Noah didn't even correct whoever the hell that guy was.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I started to feel more than upset.

Angry was a better term.

Which I also thought I had the right to feel.

Noah should've corrected him.

Saying 'friends don't do what Sam and I do' isn't correcting him.

It merely stated that we did non platonic stuff.

For all his friends knew, Noah and I could be just friends with benefits.

Did Noah even tell them that he had a boyfriend?

And to top it off, the guy who called Noah my friend, was driving Noah home?

Noah was clearly drunk and probably high.

When he was intoxicated like that, he was flirty and touchy.

What if that guy made a move on him or thought Noah was making a move?

Oh, God, it felt like my head was going to explode.

That was what I hated the most, the unknown part of Noah's life.

I knew that sounded bad and like I was controlling or possessive but I couldn't help it.

I had major jealousy issues and not knowing Noah's new friends and if his new friends knew about me, was suffocating me.

I missed the summer time when it was just Noah and I in his apartment and I got to stay with him that entire summer.

I wanted my mind to focus on that.

Focus on the feeling of Noah lying next to me.

Focus on Noah's love for me but all I could focus on for that entire night was if that guy would do something with Noah and if Noah was sober enough to stop it.

Noah never Face-Timed me again that night and I cried myself to sleep, the exhaustion my brain endured from all of my racing thoughts was just too much and it was only October.

********

Noah Face-Timed me in the morning as I was getting ready for school which was about six am in the morning.

"Hey, Dumbass, how'd you sleep?" he asked me, all smiles but he still looked tired.

He didn't normally call me this early.

Especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he doesn't have class.

I thought he called to catch me before my school day to apologize to me but his light tone didn't come off as apologetic.

"Fine," I spoke dryly, wanting Noah to notice my off mood but he didn't as he started ranting about last night.

"Last night was so fun, I wish you were there. Honestly, you'd love them. Kyle is just like Jason and Alice is the sweetest girl, you two would hit it off for sure. Ciera's kinda scary," he chuckled.

"So maybe not her. Remember Dinah? The cashier you met? We were in her dorm, she's a lot like Emily except way more talkative."

Noah was sure as hell talkative that morning as well but I didn't comment.

"And Jude's cool. You'd like him."

"Hmm," is all I replied with.

I zipped up the chino pants I had just put on.

"What's wrong?"

Noah was laying in bed, partly naked and I had a brilliant view of his bare chest down to his V line and the waistband of his briefs.

"I don't know, Noah. Maybe because we are just friends," I said bitterly as I pulled a white collared shirt over my head then tugged on my dark green crewneck sweater.

Noah sighed, which upset me more.

Did he not see what was wrong with that?

Was I being over dramatic?

"Sam, it's not a big deal. I told him that we were dating."

"Are dating. We are dating, Noah," I corrected him but I wanted to scream at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. We are dating. I'm sorry," he repeated and sounded sincere.

"I'm kinda upset you didn't even correct him."

Noah and I had been trying to be more open about our feelings.

The lack of honesty was the killer to our relationship last year when we first started dating.

I mean, I always tried to be honest, Noah was the one who struggled in that department.

Now, both of us agreed to do our best to convey our true feelings and thoughts to each other.

"What do you mean? I did. I told him..."

"No, you didn't, Noah. If you had corrected him, you would've said 'Sam's not my friend, he's my boyfriend but instead you said some dumb shit like 'friends don't do what we do'. What the actual fuck, Noah?"

But sometimes how we conveyed our honest emotions was through anger and harsh words.

"Oh my fucking God," Noah sat up in his bed.

"Are you being serious right now? I was fucking wasted, Sam. Fucking Hell."

I wanted to cry.

Ever since Noah moved away, I had become far more emotional and a nervous wreck.

"You don't understand," I shook my head.

He groaned.

"Can we please not fucking argue about this? It's not like anything happened. All he did was call me your friend. I'm gonna go to parties and hang out with people and you're just gonna have to trust me."

'Kinda hard to trust you when you're great at lying,' I thought.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't think Noah would ever cheat on me.

However, I didn't trust anyone else and I didn't trust Noah to tell me if someone tried something on him, to spare my feelings.

I moved out of camera view as I swiped away a fallen tear and breathed in then out slowly.

I moved back to camera.

"Can you at least recognize why that would make me upset?" I asked but it was more like pleading and I couldn't keep my voice cracking at the end.

Noah took a deep breath and no longer used a harsh tone.

"I do, baby, I'm sorry. Jude knows we're dating. I'm sorry, I should've told him again that you're my boyfriend."

'Again? That meant that 'Jude' guy knew beforehand that Noah and I were dating.'

"I'm sorry, really," Noah reiterated, actually looking guilty.

I sighed and sat on my bed.

Maybe I was over reacting.

"Thank you for apologizing. I just... wanted to talk to you last night."

Talk to him about something pretty important.

"I know that we're not gonna be able to talk to each other every night, I get that but... it's just hard."

"I know. That's why I called you this morning, so we could talk."

I wanted to tell him about Sunday when I got home and who I ran into.

"I gotta get to school. I'll call you when I'm home," is what I told him instead.

I didn't want to start another fight but I should've addressed what happened Sunday.

Not telling him was a big mistake.

"Okay. I love you," he spoke softly.

"I love you too," and I hung up.

[lucy90712]

Ooo part two of the request he runs into you with a rock on your finger and your newborn baby and he’s gutted. Gutted that the baby should’ve been his.

part 1 Jude's POV

"I'm sorry I just don't think we are right for each other" I said for what feels like the millionth time in the last few years 

Since seeing y/n again I decided that I needed to move on, I blocked her accounts on Instagram and deleted her contact off my phone so there was no temptation to talk to her or see what she has been doing. I thought that would help me move on but it hasn't I still think about her all the time. I never took down the pictures of us in my house because when I tried to do it the place felt so empty it no longer felt like a home so I put them back up. Everyone has told me that I just need to do it and move on in fact they tell me that I need to go to therapy and talk about my feelings but I don't want to as it's just too painful to talk about. 

Over the last few years I've tried to see other girls and some of them were so lovely but because they weren't y/n I just had no feelings towards them. There was always something that wasn't right some just wanted my fame and money and others just weren't my type. One girl was nearly perfect she was sweet and beautiful but I just couldn't make myself have feelings for her so I ended things. Nothing has ever gone beyond a few dates I kissed a few of the girls but never went any further and they certainly come back to my place as then I'd have it explain the pictures. All I've had is situationships and meaningless one night stands which is all I deserve after the way I treated the only girl I ever truly loved. 

After ending my last situationship I had to go for a walk on my own to clear my head as all of this is starting to get stupid. It has dawned on me that maybe I do need to go to therapy or talk to someone to work through what is stopping me from moving on and letting myself love someone else. My way of living solely in the past isn't healthy and it's starting to really ruin my life as I'm not letting myself enjoy going on dates and finding someone who is right for me. It seems like an impossible task right now to move on but I know I can do it y/n did it so why can't I. Going outside and letting myself think has given me a new lease of life I'm ready to go home and and finally take down the pictures and remove all the other things that remind me of y/n even if the house feels bare for a while I can add things that have no memories tied to them. 

Just as I made it to the park near my house to just sit and think with no one else around I saw someone sat on the bench I usually sit on by the lake. It was a couple with a newborn baby but I couldn't see either of their faces at first. A few seconds later they moved and I nearly fainted when I saw who it was. It was y/n and Carlos with what must be their baby and y/n had a ring on her finger so they must be engaged. My friends told me that she moved out of Madrid a while ago and hasn't really been back but here she is right in front of me. I haven't seen her since the first night I saw her with Carlos and I thought I'd never see her again but there she is on the day I decide that I need to move on. The universe really has awful timing but I guess seeing her living her life with another man is all the more reason to move on. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

"Did I leave my rings in the bathroom?" I asked Carlos from the bedroom 

"Yeah they are here I'll bring them out" he said 

"Thank you I had to take them off to wash my hands after she was sick and then completely forgot about putting them back on I swear baby brain is going to kill me" I said 

"It's ok you don't need to stress about it if you forget to put your rings on I don't care as long as you and little one are ok nothing else matters" Carlos said handing me back my rings 

"I'm so glad we are here getting to see friends has made me feel so much more human and not like I've just crawled out of the grave" I joked

"See I told you getting away from home and having a different routine would be good you've been at home for over a month now it's good to get back some sense of normality" he said 

"How about we go for a walk in the park before we meet everyone later" I suggested 

"Sounds good I'll get the baby in the stroller" Carlos said

Carlos has been the best since the baby arrived 5 weeks ago of course he still has practice sessions but every second he can he spends helping me and making sure I'm ok as well as the baby. I couldn't ask for a better husband he has been the best partner since we got together but he really stepped it up once we got engaged a year and a half ago. It's crazy to think we have been together for 4 years now and married for nearly 1 especially when we met at such an awful time in my life but Carlos has truly shown me the bright side of life. 

Walking the streets of Madrid and going to the park I used to walk through when I lived here feels a little bit weird I haven't been here since I moved away 3 years ago but this place holds a lot of memories some good some bad but the bad memories are so far in the past they almost don't matter anymore. As Carlos pushed the stroller while holding my hand as I walked next to him I couldn't help but think about the last time I came to this park which is when I broke up with Jude. After ending things I didn't know where to go so I came here and just cried my eyes out which I think is my lowest moment in life but yet here I am just a few years later at my happiest with my perfect little family. 

We walked around for a while before the baby got fussy so we sat down on a bench by the lake so I could feed her before we meet friends for dinner. It was lovely and peaceful as there was hardly anyone else around so we sat there and talked for a while even after the baby had eaten and fallen asleep again. Eventually we had to leave so I had to place the baby back in her stroller as slowly as I could as not to wake her which is a skill I've developed since she was born. As we turned around to leave I saw someone else walking down the path in the park who looked familiar then I realised it was Jude. 

I haven't seen him since that night in the club years ago now and honestly until today I haven't really thought about him it's been so long that I've moved on. Sure what he did was awful and ruined me for a while but things have changed and I don't like to hold a grudge so weirdly it was nice to see him as I have no idea how he's been since I left. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Jude's POV

Before I could turn around and go the other way she had noticed me and waved with a bright smile on her face the smile I used to love seeing everyday. Some weird force of nature was pulling me towards her I know I should just wave back and walk another way but I'm drawn to her something in me needs to be closer to her and talk to her again. It's this part of me that has stopped me from moving on but maybe seeing her one last time and having her tell me how happy she is in her new life will be what I need to hear to realise I have to move on. 

The closer I got the more obvious the ring on her finger became and that's when I could see that she actually had two rings a beautiful engagement ring that was very much her style and a wedding ring that was equally spectacular. She was never someone to love jewellery with big gem stones or anything hugely fancy so the two more understated but still tasteful rings are exactly what I knew she would've wanted. There was a time I looked at engagement rings for her but I never actually bought one and now I regret not just taking the plunge as then this could be us. Being closer to her also allowed me to see her baby in the stroller, the baby was very small so clearly a newborn and dressed in white with pink flowers so likely a girl. I could see a lot of y/n in the baby even though she's very small but the thick black hair stood out as a feature passed down from her now husband Carlos. It got me thinking what our kids would've looked like would they end up with her best features like her lips and her beautiful eyes and would we have boys or girls. A lot of hypotheticals were flowing around my brain. 

"Hi it's been so long how have you been?" She asked bringing me back to reality 

"I've been good life has been keeping me busy but it's been good" I lied as not to make her or myself feel bad 

"Congratulations on everything you've won with the team I hear you've done really well" she said 

"Thanks how have you been I see a lot has changed" I half joked 

"Yeah it's been a crazy few years but it's even crazier now that this little one has arrived she keeps us up at all hours of the day" she laughed 

"Well congrats she's beautiful" I said 

"Not when she's screaming at 3am" Carlos joked 

"It's been great to see you again but we have dinner with friends to get to it's been lovely to catch up I hope life keeps treating you well Jude" she said 

"You too I hope you all stay well" I said letting them leave 

I sat down in the bench the two of them were just sat on as they walked away while trying to tell myself that her walking away was her leaving my life for good and my signal to let go of the past. It still hurts that she's so ok without me while I've been a mess but I don't know what I expected she's always been such an amazing person so someone was always going to see that and want to be with her. I suppose I'm glad that Carlos seems like such a nice guy as I did want the best for her and he seems like the perfect husband so if it can't be me I'm glad it's him who can make her happy everyday. 

It's finally time to move on she has her life and clearly doesn't think about her time with me so it's time for me to do the same. No one will ever be her so I need to stop trying to find someone who is she might've been my first love but that doesn't mean she has to be my last. 

[fvrsaeken]

first things first i'm the realest, a new modern au for judy judes! all the info under the cut!

Judith Grimes always had a passion for performing. She would go out of her way to sing along to nearly every song on the radio, she would sing and dance along to every Disney movie and would always say that she wanted to sing for everyone in the world. At the young age of sixteen, Judith was finally given the chance to record some of the songs she had written in Atlanta and released her first EP at sixteen. That was the same year that she and Hannah Monroe had started to date, and the EP was titled "Young Love" much to the chagrin of a few critics who thought that Judith was glorifying falling in love at such a young age, only dating Hannah to sell her album. The truth was, her and Hannah had liked each other since they were thirteen knowing it went beyond friendship, and both knew they loved each other when they were fifteen, so it had been more of a slap in the face to their relationship over anything.

Of course, once people know you're in a relationship, even at such a young age, they will only care about that for the foreseeable future. Judith did everything she could to protect Hannah from it as much as possible, given that she didn't sign on for that in the same capacity Judith did. Hannah, of course, was never really bothered by it because she got to be with Judith. She got to live her life and be happy, they just happened to have a few more eyes on them than normal. Until one fateful day, two years later when they were out celebrating the release of Judith's first LP "Goddess" the day prior as well as Hannah's birthday. As usual, they were hounded by paparazzi and fans, the latter of which Judith and Hannah both stopped to greet. If only Judith knew that day was going to be synonymous with the best and worst day of her life. A gunshot rang out and Judith's security team reacted quickly, but not quick enough. People were scattering in every direction, screaming and panicking. Most people. Hannah remained frozen, eyes wide as her body registered the pain that hit her only a few seconds prior. It took Judith a full minute to fully realize what happened. Only reacting when she heard her security tackling someone, hearing the skittering of metal across the pavement before turning to see Hannah with her hand over her chest, blood spilling out around her fingers as she collapsed to the ground. Judith wasn't sure at first if she actually screamed as she dropped next to Hannah, holding her close, her hand over Hannah's own, watching as the light left the eyes of the one person she loved more than anything.

That was the day that Judith's world fell into pieces around her.

She hid from the media, and from the world for three months after Hannah's murder. A crazed fan who'd thought that by killing Hannah they could have Judith to themselves. Isn't that how the story always goes? When she finally resurfaced, Judith was not greeted with open arms, she was ridiculed, told that Hannah's death was her fault. That everything she touched was poisoned. She was hated, and hunted down by the paparazzi and nearly every tabloid in America for something she didn't even do, in the thick of her grief. So her dad did the only thing he could think of and bring in an outside bodyguard specifically to watch over Jude at all times. His only job was to keep her safe.

Enter Bergen Cadron.

Her dad had assured her that Bergen was going to keep her safe and that that was his only job. So then everywhere she went, there was Bergen. He was always there and sometimes it annoyed her to no end. Other times she felt comforted by him being there. Over time she was once again embraced by the tabloids, they stopped saying that it was her fault that Hannah died, but there Bergen remained. And something started to bloom in her chest. The same familiar feeling she felt when she looked at Hannah. She felt like she was going crazy. But was she? Or was she about to become part of the falling for the bodyguard cliche? She'd be okay with the latter.

[stillwinchester]

for @floral-cas

The first time, Dean gave Cas flowers, it was just a joke.

He saw an old lady on the street with bouquets of daisies. It was a windy day, and she wore only a sweater, and he just thought it would be nice to help her a little. Small bouquets cost three dollars, the big ones five. He took one of them and give the lady ten bucks.

“Keep the rest,” he said, but the lady shook his head.

“No, sweetheart, I can't. But I can make for you a bigger bouquet, just wait a minute.” She took more flowers to added them to the bouquet. “Who's the lucky one?”

Dean scratched his head, thinking about some reliable lie. 

“Umm, I... It's for me, I just like flowers.”

The lady didn't believe him, but she smiled anyway and started talking. She talked a lot, like she missed for company. When Dean walked away, he knew that she sold flowers for years, earlier her wife had helped her; he knew she had an old cat; he knew meds were expensive; and he knew that her names was Jude. 

Dean came back to the car, he had no idea what he was going to do with flowers, he just threw them on the back seat and drove to home.

*

Cas was staring at the bouquet in Dean's hand. Of course, he was staring, it wasn't like Dean brought flowers every day.

“Do you have a date, Dean?” he asked, tilting his head. And maybe it was crazy, but Dean heard disappointment in his voice. But why Cas would be upset because of some stupid date?

“Oh, no, it's for you, actually,” he teased, giving him flowers. Cas hesitated for a moment, but he took the daisies eventually, watching them curiously. Dean wanted to explain it was just a joke, but before he even can open his mouth, Cas smiled shyly (Dean had no idea Cas could smile this way, it was adorable somehow) and smelled flowers.

“Thank you, Dean. It's very nice of you. They're beautiful.”

Dean didn't say anything, just shrugged his arms. He was cool with this, just dudes being dudes.

*

It became their tradition. Every Monday, Dean came back to the bunker with a new bouquet, always different flowers: tulips, daffodils, peonies, violets… 

Of course, he was doing it only because he felt sorry for that old lady… Right?

*

“We were together almost forty years. We were married only for a short moment, she passed away two months after our wedding. But I'm glad that we could finally do this, even if we were old then...” said Jude, showing him pictures of her and her wife. They looked so happy there, Dean knew he won’t ever have something like this, an apple pie life wasn’t for hunters.

“I have a friend, a good friend,” he confessed. “He gets all these flowers... And I think, I like him more than I should.”

“Than you should?” she repeated. “I think you should love whoever you want...”

“It's not that simple.”

“Oh, life isn't simple, boy, but it doesn't mean it's not worth to try.” She smiled to him to get him more courage. Dean for the first time mentioned Cas to her.

“The thing is... He could never feel the same, and I... Even if he does, my father would despise me, I can't do this. I can't like the other man this way.” Maybe John was dead for years, but Dean was still afraid of him to even try to live his own life.

“I see... I and Flora… I was the one, who had doubts. I knew she loved me, and I knew I loved her, but my parents, they would’ve never accepted this relationship. So, we run away.”

Dean realized that for Jude it wasn’t easy for the beginning, and it gave him hope that maybe he could do this too. Maybe it wasn’t too late for him.

“Actually, my father is dead...”

“So what stop you?” she asked politely.

“I don't know.” He shakes his head. “I think I stop myself.”

*

“Mornin' sunshine, it's for you.” Dean took new flowers from behind his back. 

“Sunflowers!” Cas grinned at him, and something shined in his eyes. He looked so happy like he just got some precious item, not just stupid flowers. Dean was surprised, not for the first time, that his angel can be so delighted because of so simple gift.

“Do you like them?”

“Very much... They remind me about Jack.”

“Ouch! Not about me? I gave them to you!” he mocked, and it made that Cas smiled even more. 

“I know, but you're more like lily.”

Dean blinked twice in confusion. Lily? The hell!

“Umm, what? It doesn't sound... good,” he shared with his doubts. Lily was flower for chicks, he should be Venus Flytrap or some other badass shit (why it was Venus, actually? Mars Flytrap sounded better). 

“Why? It symbolizes pure heart, and you, Dean, have it, no doubt.”

“I… Okay.” He didn't feel comfortable, hearing things like this. Fortunately, Cas changes subject. 

“And what about me? Which one am I?”

“I know shit about flowers symbolism,” he chuckled, but after Cas' sad gaze, he rolled his eyes and replied. “Forget-me-not. I think. They're blue like your... Blue is your color, you know, and I... I could never forget you.”

*

It was a shitty Monday, Dean was on the case, bloody vampires!, and he didn't have a time to see with Jude. And no Jude meant no flowers for Cas. Although, he stopped a car near the meadow and picked one flower, now it seemed to be ridiculous, he didn't plan to give it to Cas...

In the kitchen, Cas was waiting for him with a pie and a cup of steaming coffee.

“Oh, God, you're the best,” he said, taking the first sip. “I feel like a dumbass now.”

“What do you mean?” asked Cas, frowning.

“You prepared all of this, and I couldn't afford you flowers.”

“Dean, you're not obligated to do this. It was a nice thing, but it's not necessary. And I know, you were busy.”

It's none excuse, he thought. Cas seemed to be really okay with this, but Dean still weren't. 

“Look, I know it's not the same. But it's the only thing I could find on my way,” he said, pulling a single blue flower from his pocket. “Forget-me-not for unforgettable angel.”

“Oh, Dean, thank you! It's perfect.”

“I don't think so… It's smashed, and… Jeez, Cas, it's so stupid, I can't even give you a proper bouquet, I…”

“Dean,” he interrupted him. “Come with me, I want to show you something.” 

*

Cas took some book from a bookshelf in his room. He opened it and showed Dean what was hidden inside. There were dried flowers from earlier bouquets. One flower for each one.

“Like I said, it was perfect. It's gonna suit to my collection,” he explained. “And, Dean, I won't forget about you either. Never.”

Dean was just staring at Cas, thinking how much this little gesture meant to him, but in the next second, he caught Cas' lip in his own, and kissed him for the first time. He didn't need to wait a long time for a response, Cas hands found the back of his neck, and the angel was kissing him with passion.

Oh my God, he thought. Cas feels the same. Cas feels the same...

They pulled away and stared at each other for a while, breathing hard. 

“Is it why you gave me all that flowers? Like in the movies?” asked Cas, and Dean noded. 

“Yeah... Like in the movies.”

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and brushed it with his lips. He understood him without any words. 

“Me too, Dean.” He kissed his knuckles once again. “Me too.”

*

“This is Cas,” said Dean on the next Monday. “Cas, this is Jude.”

“It's nice to meet you. Dean talked a lot about you,” explained Cas.

“You didn't lie, boy, he really looks like an angel.” Dean's face turned red, and he mumbled something.

“And what do you have today? Roses?” he changed subject. 

“Red ones. Flowers for lovers.”

Dean smirked, of course, that roses were available on the first Monday after he and Cas got hitched.

“So, I think we'll take the biggest bouquet.”

[emeraldwhump]

I'm sorry for not posting, I'm in the midst of finals and my thesis defense date is getting dangerously close, but today (24th June) is twins birthday and I actually have something nice and sweet for Vivianne planned as a gift lol.(Unfortunately for Cole I only have time for one, and honestly he had much better time than Viv lately so)

I promise I'll get more into Viv's relationship with Jude and how it affected her on this blog just give me time, for now just believe me it was bad and have a glimpse into the future and her birthday gift - her next partner after him - Jasper, they aren't in an exclusive relationship its more fwb situation but he's nice to her! Wow I know. It's at the point where they just started seeing each other.

More about Jasper, Masterlist

Jasper was laying on the couch, reading students' papers, Vivianne was curled up against him, napping.

Admittedly it wasn't what they've met for, they weren't in a relationship to just lounge around in his apartment like that, it was supposed to be just a quick fuck session maybe a cup of tea later, just a simple friends with benefits situation with no additional strings attached but...

Jasper had to be honest with himself and admit that he liked the girl, much more than his usual hookups, so when she came to his apartment and looked tired and not really in the mood, Jasper was sort of relieved, especially because she agreed to drink a cup of tea with him, actually he was happy about getting to spend time with her, like that which worried him - he never used to stay with one partner for a long time and Vivianne has made it clear that she doesn't want a relationship.

Jasper didn't exactly know why, and what happened but sometimes she acted very nervous, scared almost so he was sure that it wasn't just her preference, something had to happen, for her not to want to go into a relationship.

And usually Jasper would be over the moon with that arrangement, but now he was perfectly content with her just laying quietly next to him, not even bothered by her hair being everywhere, along with his eyes and mouth. Another unfamiliar experience was the fact that thinking about her with other people made him unreasonably frustrated, while normally Jasper didn't give a flying fuck about what other people he was seeing were doing in their spare time.

Jasper knitted his brows and looked down at her, his attention was drawn to her shoulder, as the neckline of her sweater shifted revealing an array of pearly white scars, tons of small short ones filled the background with one long thick line cutting through the rest, he lightly rubbed his thumb against them.

Vivianne took a sharp breath and opened her eyes, stifling slightly.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Jasper asked moving his hand back. Vivianne rolled to the other side, so she was now facing the same direction as him.

"No. It isn't exactly pleasant, but it's not painful either" She answered, and lied her head down on his shoulder again, which Jasper used to lean his cheek on the top of it.

A few moments went in silence, as Jasper played with her hair quietly moving a strand of it between his fingers.

"I like you" He blurted out, and blinked surprised by this sudden need to put it out there. Vivianne made a sound that Jasper could only describe as a light amused scoff, as she turned back to face him, and put her arm around his chest.

"You're nice..."

"You sound surprised" Jasper noticed, interrupting her - her reaction interested him, it didn't seem negative, but at the same time the tone of her voice was way more surprised for it to be just because he said ot out of nowhere and after all it's not like Jasper has told her that he loved her or proposed to her.

"I mean it's not that wierd to at least like someone you sleep with, and to be nice to them?" Alright maybe it wasn't Jasper's approach every time, but come on its not a controversial opinion.

Vivianne sighed, and thought for a moment clearly trying to decide if she should say something or not, finally she set her eyes down, avoiding looking at Jasper's face and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I-i don't think my previous partners liked me, not really - they usually just wanted something from me, sex, money whatever, but - but didn't like me, I would say some hated me really... " She took a deep breath, and Jasper noticed her hands shaking slightly as she continued "E-even though I was trying, I really was at first at least but it never seemed to -... I guess I'm just not a person who you like easily - and that.. well it doesn't really come with being nice to me, even though sometimes that's all I wanted - "

It was clear that talking about it got harder and harder for her as she went on, so instead of letting her continue, Jasper leaned in and kissed her.

"Well I like you. A lot." He said with his mouth still right next to her lips.

"I told you - I can't.. I don't want to be in relationship not yet-" Vivianne moved back a little and smiled sadly.

"It's alright, we can be whatever you want us to be, and we can go as slow as you like okay?"

Vivianne smiled again, but this time with a happier smile, and Jasper tilted her head back to kiss her again. After a moment of that he stopped and propped himself in his elbows.

"There's one condition though - I'm going to be nice to you"

Vivianne laughed but hugged him burying her face in his chest.

"Yeah?" She asked with a slight sarcastic tone.

"Yeah. And I'm going to start right now." Jasper propped his chin on the top of her head, which gave him an excellent view on the cascade of white hair falling onto her back.

"I love your hair it's so pretty..." He said and took a few strands letting them fall freely from his hand "and soft, and... pearly" It fascinated him how the light played in them, under certain lighting her hair seemed almost translucent.

Jasper was interrupted by her laugh.

"Pearly? I really hope that you're more creative with music than poetry" Vivianne scoffed. Jasper just smirked and kissed her.

tagging a few people: see sometimes I'm nice to her! I love her I promise lol.

@painful-pooch @whumper-in-training @egg-writes-whump @for-the-love-of-nsfwhump @whumpy-arts-and-crafts @whump-world @winedark-whump