#Just finding a way to cope here 🙈

[purplehoodiesandclementines]

Having acute signs of withdrawal right now, because it's a cold af winter morning and there's no #wilmon advent calendar for us to soften the blow... 😭

@iwouldnevergetintofanfic What have you done to us?! *shakes fist at sky*

Anyone else suffering with me?

[boomerang109]

i came home, panicked about one thing, and my toilet was leaking. bathroom floor is covered in water and brown particles. oddly, this has not improved my mood

[frodolives]

1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...

🧔🏻‍♂️ queerqueg Follow

the franklin expedition is dead as hell

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan

10,558 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all

#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh

659 notes

🎨 asherbrowndurand

Just painted this

2 notes

ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927

RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed

🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow

HERITAGE POST

📝 shakespearesforehead Follow

How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol

82,170 notes

🌄 loyalromantic Follow

poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/

#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect

6,884 notes

🎀 thefopdiaries Follow

I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling

📜 bartlebi-thescrivener

i think i hauve consumption

112 notes

🐋 whaler4life

They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME

11 notes

🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow

I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense

#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo

56 notes

🤵🏻‍♂️ byronicherotournament Follow

🙈 butchbronte Follow

Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep

🙈 butchbronte Follow

I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

And? God forbid women do anything

#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily

8,027 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon

#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting

522 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH

#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....

2,309 notes

⭐️ newamerican

Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol

#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure

0 notes

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Let me tell you now, you're the lucky one

(Enemies to Enemies Who Fuck)

(HaruKaku in Bonten timeline)

(some past-MuSan and past-KakuIza with a subtle RanOmi bc why not, it's my fic and I don't have self-restrain when it comes to multishipping)

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

Warnings: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat!

All of them. Bonten is their own warning. Substance abuse. Really unhealthy coping mechanisms. Depression. Mental health problems. Suicide. Major character death. (it's Bonten, they all want to kill themselves and some of them succeed, okay?) Mentions of unsafe sex, but there is no smut or graphic depiction of it.

I tried to not be too graphic with any of this topics, the focus is mostly on what the characters are thinking/feeling. But it's hard anyway, tbh the last scene was actually difficult and painful for me to write. So please, don't take the CW lightly and prioritize your mental health!

Angst and Hurt/No Comfort.

MANGA SPOILERS!!!!

Notes: HaruKaku came as an hilarious idea. Because they are hilarious, let's be real. Soulmates archnemesis, doomed to hate each other in every timeline. But then Bonten happened and of course, I ended up writing some angsty shit instead of focusing in all the other moments when they are hilarious. Kudos for me, yey! 🥲

This is canon complicit (again, is Bonten, beware!)

It alternates from Kakucho's POV to Sanzu's POV. I did that thing again of using "Haruchiyo" when he's in his most vulnerable state because for some reason I like playing with his name like this.

(English is not my first language, be nice please 🙈)

(the art is from @just-sp-in-inginthevoid who is in part responsible for the archnemesis brain riot, but mostly the hilarious part, tbh)

Is not that Kakucho enjoys Sanzu's company. Or that the pinkette gradually started to grow on him. Quite the opposite, to be honest. He hates him a little bit more every day, every shared mission, every time they had to spent hours together.

But with Sanzu, he feels. He feels intensely, he feels with passion. Even if it's twisted, at least he's not empty anymore. The void that threatens to devour him seems to disappear when he's around the other man. Sometimes, Kakucho wants to murder him, but he knows he can't. Others, he wonders what would happen to him if he also loses the only person that it's still able to provoke an intense emotion on him.

Hate is better than apathy, isn't it?

They hate each other passionately. Sanzu finds his reactions too funny for stopping it, always willing to go a little further, to push Kakucho to the edge. It's too easy to pick on him, making him forget about his allegedly righteous patience.

It's disgusting, how Kakucho thinks of himself like he was better than the rest of them. So Sanzu enjoys to proves him wrong, to show him that they are the same (even if he can't stand that fact either, seeing that burning rage in those heterochromatic eyes makes it worth it).

Now that he thinks about it, it was probably a matter of time, considering that his king denied them the right to kill each other, they needed to find a way of releasing all that build up anger. That's probably why isn't that surprising when it finally happens.

It looked like a regular night. Sanzu was high as a kite, trying to forget every one of his lives. Kakucho just seemed to be there, he can't recall exactly why, some type of report, but he didn't pay any attention to it at the moment, too intoxicated for actually caring for something that could wait until tomorrow.

“Why are you still here? You like me that much or what?”

The pinkette man says, slurring his words.

“Are you that high? You know I hate you.”

Is the harsh answer that he earns. It's brutal, but real. Kakucho's honesty has something that grounds him to the present. It's sickening. It's exactly what he wants right now.

“I hate you too, don't worry.” He laughs, finding his own words amusing. “Think about it, me and you. Just us, hating each other all night long.”

“You're crazy.”

“And you didn't say no.”

(If he was more honest with himself, he would admit that he was trying to find another way of punishing his broken mind and his body. But he's not.)

And oh, it actually feels good. Kakucho fucks him with the same brutality that talks to him. He couldn't bear any type of gentle touch (specially not from someone that it's so linked to Mucho, but he isn't thinking in that, he promised himself to forget his old captain a long time ago).

There isn't any type of care between them, only spite. Both men are too broken for having the ability to love someone again. Indeed, this was precisely what he needed. This is perfect.

The next day, Kakucho feels nauseated. How couldn't he? Sanzu was high as fuck, too intoxicated to give proper consent to do anything. So even if he was also a little drunk, even if it wasn't his idea, Kakucho feels guilty for what happened.

Until Sanzu just laughs at his poorly attempt of apologizing, mocking his morals once more. He was about to punch him in the face, but the lingering guilt doesn't allow him to do it. Not that one more bruise would make a difference, actually.

Both are covered in so many marks that more than sex, it looks like they tried to kill each other. Yeah, maybe he should stop feeling sorry for Sanzu, considering this. Maybe that was the best way to get rid of that not-so-pent-up hate.

And it works. At least for a while, it works. Until it happens again. And again.

Is not that they are lovers (Kakucho wants to puke with that idea). They just fuck from time to time. That's all. They hate each other, they wish they could kill the other. But they can't. So, sometimes, they fuck.

Their relationship is not pretty. At all. Or better. If Kakucho had to use only one word for describing it, he would say “real”. They don't lie to each other, what would be the point? Both are too able of seeing between the lies, they are too similar in so many ways. But that raw honesty only makes it worse.

Kakucho knows it's a mistake, that he shouldn't care about Sanzu's fate (he brought it on himself and he doesn't seem to have any complains). But Mikey is worse every day, the king is falling and his loyal dog is falling with him. Kakucho needs to do something, because the uneasiness he feels every time he sees them is now living rent-free in his mind.

That's why, one day, Kakucho tries. He's trying to find his clothes, dressing quickly, wanting to get out of this room that only makes him feel sick. Then, he looks at Sanzu, his pink hair scattered on the pillows, a lazy and satisfied smile than only appears after sex (and never lasts). There is some twisted vulnerability in how content the other man is while lighting up a joint, as if seeing these new swelling (all this pain) on his skin was something he wanted.

(Kakucho can't shake the feeling that Sanzu is using him as another way of hurting himself and that infuriates him so fucking much... Maybe that's the real reason why he decides against his best judgment and opens his big mouth.)

“Is not worth it.”

“Uh?”

Sanzu looks at the other, not sure if he actually heard something. He just wants to smoke and relax, to feel the post-orgasmic satisfaction while it lasts, to enjoy the pain in his body (one more of his little punishments).

“I said is not worth it. Dying with Mikey.”

If it had been anyone else, Sanzu would shoot him in the face just for saying this. Thinking like that, talking like that about his king is treason. It should be. But it's difficult to pretend Kakucho's isn't right about this when, unfortunately, it's the only one Sanzu trusts with Mikey's well-being (It's the one he calls every time Mikey is being suicidal again).

“You wish you could be me, you wish you had died with Izana.”

Sanzu spits his words, burning with all the rage he feels every time he has to acknowledge the reality of how is Mikey.

“That's not what this is about-”

Kakucho is unable to finish his sentence, turning pale in anger when Sanzu cuts him. 'Good'.

“You're a selfish bastard, aren't you? You want me to be like you, stuck here with no purpose, jerking yourself with the memory of a ghost. Pretend it's because of your high morals, that you're worried about me or some other bullshit. But you're just another selfish bastard. And you envy me.”

If it had been anyone else, Sanzu would shoot him in the face. But he can't (he wants to, oh, he wants it so much, but he can't disobey Mikey's orders). So, instead of bullets, he uses his words.

“At least Izana cared about me.”

Is the last thing he hears before Kakucho slams the door. Sanzu laughs maniacally, throwing the first shit he can find to the place the other man was a few seconds a go. He's momentary satisfaction long forgotten, replaced only by hate (and pain, but one that he refuses to see).

The worst part is that in a sickening way, he trusts Kakucho. They don't lie to each other, that makes it so much worse, because both of them know that what the other said is true. He hates him, he hates him with every fiber of his body. He doesn't want this words to be true, he can't accept that. He needs to keep living in this denial, to pretend Mikey is fine (to pretend he doesn't keep mixing this Mikey with that in his nightmares, to pretend they don't look so alike).

It's been three days. Three whole days since Mikey's death was splattered on the news (no one seems to care about Takemichi's death, even with all that footage of how the hero tried to save the most dangerous man in Japan). Kakucho cares, but he knows damn well that he wouldn't be welcomed within the hero's friends, so he would have to say goodbye in his own way (again).

During this days, Kakucho learned some things, like the fact that apparently everyone had some kind of contingency plan in case this happened (no, for when this happened, all of them could see that Mikey was more on the edge every day). But nobody spoke to him about it, keeping him in the darkness, the only idiot that didn't prepare himself for the end. Well, not the only, he knows that, of course he knows that.

(Sanzu would have killed them in the blink of an eye. Anyone who dared to imply that Bonten needed to be prepared to function without a king.)

Kakucho understands the need for secrets, of course he does. The idea of Mikey falling would be considered treason a few days ago, it was taboo to think like that. At the same time, none of them wanted to acknowledge it, like saying it out loud would make it more real. He can't even be mad when the Haitanis (obviously) thought about him on their own schemes, making sure Kakucho was also safe. Or as safe as any of them could be now that Bonten was crumbleling.

It's been three days. Bonten is crumbleling. Mikey is dead. And Sanzu disappeared the same day. Everyone knows he's dead, but they don't say it. Not in front of Takeomi, who's still desperately looking, going out in the rain for hours. Trying to find something, some clue that leads him to his little brother. Clinging to the hope that he's still alive somewhere. That he's going to find him, high as fuck, but alive (Kakucho thinks being able to find Sanzu's body at all would already be a miracle).

Only Ran is able to convince Takeomi to rest a little bit, promising that he and Rindou will help with the search as long as the older man gets a few hours of sleep. Takeomi just nods, mumbling “Today is his birthday, Ran. Is his fucking birthday and he's out there alone.” while Ran drags him softly, a concerned look plastered in those violet eyes.

Kakucho hates it, hates having to see all this sorrow around him (again). He doesn't lament the loss of Mikey and Sanzu, he's incapable of doing it. Grief took his heart for hostage a long time ago, there is nothing more for him to mourn.

More than anything, Kakucho hates himself, because he's jealous of Sanzu. He knows he shouldn't, but he hates that the pinkette man was right about him. He envies Sanzu, who had the privilege of dying with Mikey, of dying with his king.

Kakucho hates the Mad Dog even more right now. But he's aware that once this hate fades away, he would feel empty again. So he clings onto this feeling, he needs this rage as a motor to keep moving.

It doesn't matter if this energy is fulled with rage, he needs it. He can't fail his friends, what's left of his family. Kakucho has to keep living even if he can't remember how being alive felt anymore. Even if he's more dead inside every day.

So, over and over... Kakucho would keep living.

The rain keeps pouring down without truce, Haruchiyo shrinks inside the leather jacket that was always too big for him. Now the only thing that makes him feel protected from that annoying rain (from the world). To be honest, he isn't completely aware how he managed to recover it from his penthouse, but it seemed important in that moment.

The jacket and the old picture that he's still clutching in his pocket, the only two things he cared enough to take. He doesn't even need to look at it to see the four happy smiles stained with watermelon juice. Two pink haired kids that could be confused by twins, one with a shy smile, the other with a cheerful one, happy to be included with his brother friends. Next, a fierce smile showing two small fangs, already a force of nature at his young age. In the middle, a blond kid with the most radiant smile Haruchiyo ever saw, capable of making everything shine just with his presence. Full of life, of dreams. Full of potential. Brighter than the sun, a true leader.

But that was a long time ago and, once again, Sanzu is the only one who remembers. The man staggering in the rain is now the only survivor from that photo. Only him, alone in this fuck up world where nothing and no one matters anymore. Not without Mikey. Even Bonten can burn from what he cares.

He keeps walking (it feels more like floating for him, floating in a cloud of pain and numbness at the same time). Until he finally reaches his destination, an abandoned bowling alley. Sanzu enters in some kind of trance, not sure if he's dissociating or too intoxicated. He doesn't care.

He sits down exactly in the same place his king sat down. How many days had passed since that moment? One? Two? Ages. It certainly feels like ages for him. Haruchiyo hugs himself, trying to make space for his legs inside the big comforting jacket. Completely curled up. And he cries, he cries like he hasn't allowed himself to do so in the last ten years.

He's starting to sober up, he can feel it. Because the flashbacks are coming back. Shinichiro jumping from that bridge. Mikey jumping from this exact building. Mikey falling from the stairs, that awful “clonk”. Mikey jumping again from this building.

Haruchiyo screams, holding his head with both hands, begging the images to stop, unable to continue reliving those memories. He needs everything to stop, to be quiet, his shattered mind can't take it anymore.

He takes out a small box from his pocket, looking at the content. Everything he needs is here, he knows how to do it, how to make sure he's not going to wake up from this trip. His stupid hands are shaking while he gets the syringe ready.

For some reason, he suddenly remembers Kakucho's words a few months ago. He hates it, he hates thinking in that fucker when he's about to die. But the other man was right, wasn't he? Mikey never cared about Sanzu, he spent years of his life trying to keep his king alive and it was all for nothing. Everything blew up in one night.

A manic laugh escapes between his whimpers. Of course is that, he's fucking jealous. Sanzu is fucking jealous because at least Kakucho got to held Izana's hand when he died, he got to comfort his king in his last moments. Sanzu didn't had that, Hanagaki was the one holding Mikey's hand. Always that cockroach, never him.

What did he expect anyway? Haruchiyo is just a failure. He never deserved to be the one making his king last moments less painful. Of course, he should had known. He failed everyone. He failed Shinichiro, unable to protect Mikey, to be the friend he promised he would be. He failed Mikey, watching him falling into the darkness, becoming the same empty shell he already saw in a past that never happened, and doing nothing about it.

Sanzu doesn't have anything left. He also killed his own chance of happiness a long time ago (he also failed his captain, didn't he?). The only thing left for him is to disappear, to follow his king. He's going with him, because he's being following Mikey for so long, that he doesn't see any other choice. He's going with him, because he doesn't deserve to keep living when he couldn't save Mikey.

But it's fine, the drug is already kicking in, his body feels more relaxed. Even his mind seems to be quiet, almost in peace. He looks at the old photo one last time, before drifting out of consciousness, looking for safety in the inner part of the leather, pretending it smells like cheesecake.

It's fine, because at the end of the day... Haruchiyo was just a failure.

[whyse7vn]

JUNGKOOK GETS ROBBED -

[ot7 x reader]

one direction 😜

8 participants — 8 online

———————————

jin: don’t laugh but

y/n: laughing

jin: fuck you

hobi: but what?

jin: found a grey hair today

namjoon: young in spirit !

y/n: can i be on your will?

jungkook: still love you bro 💜

jimin: he cried for an hour

y/n: LMAO

jin: and you dare ask to be on my will ?

y/n: 🥰🥰🥰

jungkook: have you guys listened to the song mad at disney ?

tae: bye

hobi: …

namjoon: are you okay now jin?

jin: i knew you were my favourite for a reason namjoon !!!!

i’m ok … i’m coping i guess there is not much i can do

i’m just gonna sit here and accept death as it comes

just know namjoon your name is on first line in my will ❤️

namjoon: thanks?

jin: you are most welcome

tae: can i be visual now?

jin: no.

anyways y/n…

y/n: OMG ME FOR VISUAL JIN IM HONOURED 🙈🙈🙈

jin: again no.

yoongi: lol

jin: y/n i fear we are going to have to reproduce to save my bloodline and fill my gap in the group

y/n: YOU FEAR ???

jin: i mean ur not the best person to reproduce with…

y/n: what’s that supposed to mean ??

jin: i said what i said.

y/n: i’ll have you find i’m a GREAT person to reproduce with

jin: really?

y/n: really

jin: i’ll guess you’ll have to prove me wrong.

yoongi: gross

tae: omg wait… i’m dying too

y/n it’s the only way

save the kim bloodline

jungkook: im mad at disney disney

namjoon: bro…

jungkook: they tricked me tricked me 😔

y/n: jay park so ugly omg

hobi: i pass the mic pass the mic

jungkook: wtf don’t talk about my bff like that

jimin: BFF 😨⁉️

tae: god forbid…

yoongi: hell naw 😟

namjoon: oh

y/n: and that’s your problem….

always saying dumb shit that make me want to hit you

jin: did he not steal from you? or did someone make that up

jungkook: moving on lol

y/n: NO FUCKING WAYHXJXJDMFJCJKX

jimin: LMWOSOSOSO NOT HIM REALLY STEALING KNGSGHDNX

yoongi: LMAO

hobi: 😭😭😭😭😭

jungkook: it’s not even that funny it was an accident.

namjoon: what did he steal?

jungkook: just some headphones nothing major

namjoon: the studio ones?

jungkook: yeah he said he’ll bring them back they accidentally fell into this bag

yoongi: are you fucking dumb?

namjoon: did you get them back?

jungkook: he says been really busy lately

y/n: LNASKSOODODOFKCKDKCKCKX

hobi: wow…

jimin: you deserve it idc

tae: PLSNSJSJJXJDJXJXK

jin: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

jungkook: shut up

y/n: you ain’t never getting them shits back so sorry my love

yoongi: fr

jimin: i hate enhypen

y/n: omg ?!

tae: same lol

yoongi: who

hobi: fever fever fever

namjoon: what did they do to you?

hobi: love them

jimin: idk i just felt like being a hater

namjoon: ok??

y/n: sunoo is great

jimin: no fuck him

y/n: fuck you

hobi: do you think enhypen hates us?

jin: we are bts ofc they don’t tf

tae: true

namjoon: …

jin: what

sorry i didn’t lie

y/n: no comment.

yoongi: also no comment.

jin: also no comment

hobi: ???

namjoon: you made your comment already jin?

jin: no

namjoon: whatever

tae: i stand by what i said

jimin: i honestly couldn’t give a single fuck about what they think

y/n: omg who crawled up ur ass today

jimin: 🧍🏻‍♂️

yoongi: crazy

jungkook: i think we should give jay park a chance guys

jimin: bye.

tae: peace ✌🏼

y/n: …

hobi: out.

namjoon: tired of this bs

yoongi: 👋🏻

jin: bitch.

…

im back omg ???? this is literally just a draft that i never finished that’s why it sucks so bad 😭😭 freeing everything from my drafts so stay tuned for that !!!

[queenofmistresses]

DEVI FINDING OUT YOU LIKED THEM SINCE THE 1ST GRADE!

female reader 🙈

-anon 💌

A/N I’m about to show everyone that I’m good at angst and fluff as well as smut (hopefully). Please enjoy! Feel free to give me (polite) feedback if you want! Also! Thanks for clarifying the gender of the reader! I tend to assume f!reader because most people seem to want that but I do wrote for any gender. And I may have freaked out when I saw that you signed this off with an emoji🤩🤩

Also there’s some paxton dragging in here, i love paxton in the later seasons it just works for this please don’t attack

I hated seeing her cry. I hated watching her get treated like some plaything to be picked up when he wanted, just to be thrown away the next day.

If she was mine, I would cling onto her, show everyone that she’s mine, brag about it. I would be proud. I would be lucky to have her.

People just don’t know her the way I do, and no one seems willing to try.

Now, we’re sat on her bed and she’s crying over a guy. Paxton. I never liked him. She deserves better than him. She deserves everything.

“No one’s ever going to love me are they? I’m just too much for everyone!” She sobs, her arms clinging to her knees as she curls in on herself.

“No, Devi that’s not true. You are not too much at all. You are so amazing and feel so much and anyone would be lucky to have you okay? The right person will stick by you through all of this, and if Paxton won’t treat you how you deserve then he doesn’t deserve you.”

“I’m a mess y/n. Stop pretending you don’t see it too, I’m completely crazy and I miss everything up.” It hurts me so much so see her hurting like this.

“Hey. Devi look at me.” I demand, she lifts her head up and looks at me. Her face damp from tears and her eyes brimming with new ones. I place one of my hands on her cheek, lightly wiping away new tears and stroking her cheek with my thumb. Taking my time to make sure she knows how much I truly see her. “You, Devi, are not crazy.” I speak softly now. “You have been through something horrific, something that most people will think only happens on TV. But you’ve watched something horrible happen to the person you love more than anyone.” She squeezes her eyes closed and I know this is hard for her. “I know love, I know how much you miss him, I know how hard you try to pretend it doesn’t bother you. But Devi, I promise you, it’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to cry and scream and shout about it because what you went through is hard.”

I take a breath. “Devi I’ve known you for a very long time. And I’ve seen you go through this dark event, and I’ve seen you struggle, and yes, I’ve seen you make mistakes. But I know you, and I know that you will come out the other side stronger, and more beautiful then ever. And that’s saying something because you’re pretty fucking strong and beautiful now.”

She sniffs a little. “You think I’m beautiful?” I chuckle at that and nod.

“Yeah Devi, you’re gorgeous. I don’t know how Paxton can’t see it the way I do.”

She’s looking at me in shock now. Like she knows what I mean. “T-the way you do?” She squeaks.

“Well this definitely wasn’t how I was planning on telling you but I think you need to know that you’re loved Devi. I’ve liked you, had a crush on you for a while now Devi. I’m a bit in love with you now if I’m being honest.”

“What? But, you’ve seen how crazy I am. How can you love that?”

“Oh Devi, that’s just it. You’re not crazy. You’re just trying to cope. And I know that you’re more than that, and I think that you’re beautiful in every way possible.”

“How long?” She asks, still looking confused.

“Honestly? I’ve liked you since first grade.” I look away from her now. “I don’t expect you to feel the same, I just think you deserve to know that you are loved.”

I hear her move and I look up to her. She’s kneeling in front of me, staring at me with an unreadable expression on her face. She cups my face with her hands and leans in. I find myself leaning in to, all thoughts gone from my head except, is this really happening?

Then her lips are on mine. Slow, but gentle and full of emotion. I would never have expected anything but passion from her. It’s better than I’ve ever dreamed.

She starts kissing harder and faster, moving her arms to the back of my head, tangling her fingers into my hair. Fuck I could get used to this.

[padfootastic]

“are you frustrated with me?” “never.” with prongsfoot please and thank you <3

hello! thank u for the ask (and waiting) <33 i hope u like this, because i’m so so happy with how this turned out 🙈

x

James finds him on the top of the Astronomy Tower, sitting atop the parapet in a way that makes his heart skip a beat even now, despite the fact that he should’ve gotten used to it. There’s a half gone cigarette in his hand and the ashes of several more all around him. Sirius’ lips are dry and cracked, his eyes drooping. James immediately casts his usual set of safety charms. As expected, that grabs Sirius’ attention.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Saving your skull from being turned into a pancake for the Hippogriffs.”

“Did I ask you to do that?” Sirius’ voice is sharp, a knife’s edge of bitterness and malice. (Though perhaps only James can sense the hollowness in it, see the performance he’s putting on)

“No, but I’ve done it anyway. Bully for you, Pads,” James shrugs, tucking his wand back into its holster. His posture is loose, unconcerned and he knows his nonchalance is only feeding into Sirius’ aggression. At least for now, when he needs to be angry to feel anything, needs that fire to remind him he’s still alive.

“Why are you here, anyway?” Sirius asks, turning his face away to exhale a puff of smoke. It makes James smile, though he hides it with a quick swipe of his palm, because even in this moment, with all the violence in the world itching to bubble out, Sirius still refuses to smoke around him, knowing his distaste for it.

“Just wanted to check up on you. See what you were doing.” James moves forward, until he’s almost within touching distance. It’s what allows him to see the twisting of Sirius’ features—a haunting sort of pain and agony painting a terrible picture with his beautiful features.

“I’ll do what I want, James,” Sirius sneers, face still turned away as if he can’t bear to look him in the eye while doing it, “and you can’t stop me.”

“Do you see me trying?” James asks, simply. That takes the wind right out of Sirius’ sails. James is used to this routine by now—having to prick the balloons of self righteous indignation and testiness and defensive anger that Sirius has around him in times like this. The trick, he’s learned, is to not take anything personally. Sirius has the ability to verbally destroy a person, leave his remains charred and smoking without looking back at the consequences of his actions. It helps him cope, expelling the ugliness that routinely builds inside him by directing out outwards. Sometimes, it’s some poor sod who didn’t sign up for being target practice being caught in the middle of it. More often than not, it’s James, though by his own volition.

Sirius tries, has been doing so since the moment they met, to protect him from this side of him—to shield him from the rough edges his family carved into him. It’s just his luck that James refuses to play along.

It’s that knowledge that pierces Sirius’ haze right now, as he knew it would, as it always does. Slowly, the anger melts into something softer, more contrite. The cigarette gets stubbed under his foot as he turns fully toward James, eyes downcast.

“Are you frustrated with me?” he asks in a whisper. James smiles at the action, the direct contrast from all his bluster mere minutes ago.

“Never.” He holds one hand out, facing up. It only takes a second before Sirius places his own in it, palm cold and desperately tight. James only pulls him tight, pressing a firm kiss to his temple, letting his actions speak louder than his words ever could.

[writing-for-life]

Tell me more about your OC, Thalia! How did you get the idea for her? What’s your fav part about her? Any thoughts about her as a character that ended up on the cutting room floor?

I love those questions! My OCs are my babies, I love talking about them!

I’m super used to writing OCs since that’s usually all I write (The Light of Stars is actually my first fanfic, believe it or not, but I’ve written original stories for literal decades).

Funnily enough, Thalia started with… the name. I knew from the start there would be a lot of references to Greek mythology. Too much to mention here, people who read the fic will know, but I had this idea about Psyche’s journey to the underworld I wanted to reference at some point, and I also wanted a reference to a muse. Thalia had the nicest ring to it while being somewhat referential. Sometimes it’s really as simple as that 😂 I pronounce her Tah-lee-ya btw (it’s a less common pronunciation of that spelling, but it exists. I just didn’t want to spell her Talia for obvious reasons, but she totally sounds like it. And now I’ve destroyed the sound at least half of my readers had in their heads 🙈).

Thalia is the muse of comedy, and I wanted some of that in her. She has this intelligent sense of humour that is both genuine but also a coping mechanism, and it made for an interesting dynamic with Morpheus, who is always so serious. Her humour is, albeit observational, warm. She’s not a cynic although she has every reason to be, and I guess he knows that because he knows her story and what she’s been through, and it probably makes him think. He finds her challenging, but there is also an honesty and emotional openness to her, especially about her own hurt/darkness, that he finds intriguing. And that honesty also extends to how she relates to him—she is someone who actually sees him in the truest sense of the word, and it’s something he both needs so desperately but also finds impossible to trust and fully give in to for a very long time, and for a lot of reasons.

I guess the idea was to find someone who is in many ways like him (only in terms of shared human experience) but has a completely different way of dealing with it. It is, although a love story, at its core an exploration of trauma, loss and grief, of second or even third chances at life (however you might define the latter), and I’d long wondered what would happen if he met someone who is NOT trying to change him. They have their problems and conflicts, yes, but ultimately, this is about a deep mutual understanding that hinges on acceptance. And that acceptance is possible because it was there from the start, for reasons that I won’t give away here, but they are deeply rooted in how she always related to who and what he is on a conceptual level. And now I’m writing the sequel, and it becomes even more important.

My favourite part about her must be how she has the ability to make him laugh? Like, little by little, from something that barely makes him cock an eyebrow to a tug on the corners of his mouth to little smiles that get more frequent. And that moment when he sees the painting and actually realises he *is* like that around her was weirdly emotional to write because it wasn’t planned.

Plus, that she gets him to the stage where his laughs are actually audible, and they’re *not* weird. Well, at least not *that* weird. And from a writer’s point of view, it felt like a really natural, gradual progression that just happened, so it wasn’t something I had plotted. They just did their thing, and I wrote it down 😂

The stuff that ended up on the cutting room floor was mostly related to the no mortals rule. I explored a lot of different angles but ultimately didn’t want her to be a goddess or witch or somehow overpowered to circumvent that, it just didn’t sit right with me. So I spent a lot of time on setting up different beats that might look like one thing or another, but without giving too much away: The whole story hinges on her humanity and mortality, and it was ultimately the only thing that made sense.

Thanks again for the ask. It was a really good opportunity to talk about character creation/development, because so often, people seem to believe that all OCs are straightforward self-inserts, and nothing could be farther from the truth (OC fics aren’t reader fics). It’s impossible for characters not to have little bits of us because they come out of our brains, but they aren’t mirror images. I sometimes give characters little bits I’m confident in writing authentically without having to do a lot of research. For Thalia, it was drawing/painting. I had other female OCs that rode a motorcycle or did a martial art I’ve been familiar with since my childhood, others again were professional performers. I find I can write these things without overwriting them because I know what they feel like. Because sometimes, people will research these things and write them like an instruction manual. And while the detail is correct, someone who really *does* these things would never describe them that way. But that’s often really as far as it goes. It pains me to say that I’m far more like Morpheus than like Thalia, but I didn’t need to self-insert for that to be the case 😂

And now I want to know: What’s your favourite part about her and their dynamic? Other readers are welcome to chime in, too.

[acciokaidanalenko]

Fictober 2023: Day 1

Prompt: "It's not too late, let's go." Fandom: Mass Effect Relationship: Commander Lieutenant Natasha Shepard & David Anderson Rating: Mature (because Natasha has a potty mouth apparently 🙈😅) Warnings: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Hangover, PTSD, Grieving Summary: Anderson approaches a reluctant and hostile Shepard in hopes of convincing her to come back to the Alliance after the Skyllian Blitz.

AO3 link: here. Preview below the cut.

"I have a proposition for you. Something you might find... interesting."

"If I let you tell me what it is, will you leave immediately after?" she asked sharply, trying to hide her growing curiosity.

"I've recommended you for N-school. You should be receiving the official invitation within the next few days. You'll have to complete your therapy, of course. But if you accept, we'll send you to the Villa in Rio for training. It won't be easy, and it'll be dangerous. If you finish the program you'll not only be part of the most elite group in the Alliance, you'll also be assigned to top covert missions throughout the galaxy," he explained in a business-like tone. Natasha met his gaze and slowly nodded her head, ignoring the wave of nausea the motion brought on.

"It's because of Elysium, right? My heroic triumph over the Batarians?"

Anderson nodded his head solemnly.

"I'm not the same soldier that held them off. It's been almost a year, Anderson. I'm not cut out for it."

"The way I see it is you've got two options here. You can choose to stay here and wallow in your grief and self-destructive behaviors. Or, you can get up, dust yourself off, and make Arthur's sacrifice mean something. You could do great things, Natasha. I've known that since I met you when you were just three years old." His tone was nostalgic, and calming. He always had a knack for knowing just the right things to say. "It's not too late. You can go on living."

[jovenshires]

KATIE!!! First of all I just gotta say that the rwylm playlist absolutely destroyed me!! 💔

Like how dare you put both The things we used to share and somewhere only we know on it??? Like how am I supposed to just cope with that?! 😰🥹

That being said 🫶

Idk if you want to hear any sort of suggestions for the playlist (it is ofc already perfect as is 💕)

However there is one song in particular that I feel could fit super well!

It's called "Salt Water" by Ed Sheeran 💛. And even though Shayne doesn't actually go into the water in your fic, it did remind me a lot of his day in the beach town! (And his state of mind within the fic in general)

Some lyric examples:

"There's still so far to go and I can't feel my toes [...] I'm movin' forward, to where? God only knows"

→ the helplessness of being stuck in this time loop where things both progress and don't progress at the same time

"Feel the wind's harsh refrain like the clouds gripped my face Saying, "It's alright to run from all this pain" Oh, and when it's time to go with one last breath that's in my lungs, I'll scream, "It's all for love," I'll scream, "It's all for love"

-> Shayne arguing that he is only isolating himself bc he loves Damien too much

"I am filled up with regret With things I did or never said, just leave that well alone"

"…I'm free in salt water. Embrace the deep and leave everything. It was just a dream"

-> him trying to leave the whole time loop situation behind him for just one day, in the beach town. But also knowing that he will wake up to the same thing the next day

I was originally going to end this message here, but then I listened to "Curtains" (same album) again and I have some additional notes 😹🙈

This one feels more towards the phase of the fic where Shayne is beginning to reach out to Damien, but also still dealing with his insecurities/fears etc:

"Hide and seek, I am somewhere closed away. You won't believe how long it's been since I started the game. I can't be seen and you won't find me today. I've not been this low, but I'll be okay"

→ literally Shayne at the beginning of your fanfic; already a few loops in; and realizing, even more than before, how much he had closed himself off from other ppl

"Try to breathe, see a message and don't reply. Nice to meet, but in reality, say goodbye. Life can be so beautiful if you try"

→ further into your fic, where Shayne decides to take the day off and also later still doesn't know how to reply to Damien's text

""Are you okay?" Yeah, I guess so. But on some days, I feel like I'm trapped in a hole. But I keep quiet, so the ones around me don't know. That the mountain feels so steep. And I'll say that I'm here to help to carry the load. And the outside rays, they are good for the soul. So, let's step out of the dark 'cause, in here, it's so cold. The day's not out of reach"

→ basically Shayne's whole journey over the course of your fic, idk how to explain without this getting even longer than it already is🙈

"Can you pull the curtains? Let me see the sunshine. I think I'm done with my hidin' place and you found me anyway. It's been forever, but I'm feelin' alright. Tears dry and will leave no trace and tomorrow's another day"→ this last line in particular is the reason I had to include this song rec as well. Bc tomorrow is literally, finally, another day at the end of the fic! 🥹

No matter if you want to add anything to the playlist or not, I just really wanted to share these songs! The "-" album in general is so good imo 💛! And there are some other songs on it that feel very rwylm!Shayne coded.

Like "Life goes on" ("I remember the way you put me first", "When I hear your name, I think of love"),

"Vega" ("The days are long, but they pass within an instant", "I'll count my blessings the day I see you smile again")

And also "No Strings" for rwylm!Damien ("'Cause this is no strings, you are who I love And that won't change when we're fallin' apart")

(((Also in general low-key "Borderline", "Hills of Aberfeldy", "Balance")))

So yeah, loved your playlist (and the fic ofc). Have nice day! 🤗💛

STELLA i appreciate you SOOOOO much as always

i typically leave playlists in a stasis after i publish them, but i also had a thought for something to add after i published (not that i, for the life of me, can remember what it was now) so i might go back and add some stuff in!!

i don't listen to a lot of ed sheeran so i Love the recs and these do go SO hard for that fic.... ed did you write this album for them or What. anyway if i do decide to add things i will be Sure to put these on there. ty!!!!!

[twst-vampire]

For Arma 🙈💎🎤📎💗💔

ty for the ask kj!

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

(there’s like a small mention of substance abuse here)

arma doesn’t want others to see how fame has absolutely beat him down, exhausted him. he often downplays his feelings and jokes to cope with how horribly he was treated during his formative years. it’s why he so boisterous about the good things he’s accomplished instead.

he doesn’t want anyone to see his moments of weakness, where he can’t help but sob silently in his office, when he feels like he can only drown his sorrows away with alcohol.

💎 DIAMOND - how rich are they? can they live the lifestyle they want to?

arma is rich enough to live the luxurious life you think a celebrity would. i mentioned it before but arma finds it a bit tacky to constantly flex money for stuff he doesn’t need. he can afford to buy an obnoxious mansion with a fountain and 6 six luxury cars but he refuses to! he’s the same way abt super fancy five-star food.

all he needs is a decent apartment and nice place to park his corvette without it getting pooped on by birds.

he doesn’t mind getting pampered every now and then, especially if he’s not paying for it. but, all the time? he’d get bored.

🎤 MICROPHONE - are they good at singing? what is their go-to karaoke song?

good at singing? oh, he’s great at it! a good chunk of his career was all about singing! of course, his voice is a bit raspy due to smoking but he’s still got it!

some songs he’d sing @ karaoke

1. careless whisper - george michael

2. i was made for lovin’ you - kiss

3. hanging on the telephone - blondie

4. oops i did it again - britney spears

5. in the closet- michael jackson

6. super freak - rick james

7. one way or another - blondie

8. together forever - rick astley

📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.

arma loves movies! it’s hard to watch a movie with him without the guy infodumping cool facts about the production or personal stories about some actors in it. he’s a movie dweeb!

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

one thing about arma is that he’s going to let someone know that he’s into them. he’s always pretty straightforward about it, whether it just flirting or deciding to be generous and do something for them. it’s especially noticeable and he has no shame in hiding it !!

when he’s like legitimately in love, he does let himself get more vulnerable and does let himself say the most tooth-rotting mushy things. he’s also tries to find better ways to cope, as to not stress his partner out with his baggage

💔 BROKEN HEART - what could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

tell him that’s he’s not funny 😭😭😭

on a real note, probably his partner saying he’ll never change and giving up on him. a part of him would understand but other part of him would be devastated

[4shivasdaughter4]

The First Indicator of Shiva in My Life

It all began when I first watched the 2012 Tamil movie titled as Thaandavam. My family and I used to just go to the cinema to watch movies together and this just happened to be a movie I knew nothing about prior to entering the cinema hall.

The main character’s name was Shivakumar (Shiva for short). It would be too long to explain the storyline of the entire movie, but essentially, Shivakumar got into an arranged marriage with Meenakshi and they were kind of experiencing each other as husband and wife without prior knowledge of each other. Btw, it was a great action movie. It’s not just sappy romance yeah, just to make it clear. 😇

Anyway, being the hopeless romantic I was, I fell in love with their scenes, because, for the first time in my mind, it seemed like the idea of an arranged marriage wasn’t bad at all. P.S, I was only pro love marriages back then. 🙈

The movie made arranged marriage look very romantic. It’s like you could see the transition from dislike to like, from learning to be friends first to two people who realise they’ve fallen for each other and then confessing their love for one another in meaningful, simple and romantic ways. 💕 You will see what I mean when you watch this music video below:

There was just something so magical about the arranged marriage that was portrayed and the couple expressing what they realised they felt for each other. I fell so in love with the chemistry and the characters that I took the love back home after I left the cinema. 😂

Being a hopeless romantic, I fantasised having such a husband in my life for days after that. As in I wanted to have such a caring husband just as the character Shiva in this movie, or even such a marriage someday.

But here was the part I didn’t expect: I remember I had exams coming up in the next one month or so, and I really needed to study, but for some reason, I just couldn’t! 🤯

I was literally in my own world, procrastinating to glory during my study time to imagine having such a husband and living life with him. Literally just being all in my head! It felt almost like a spell because it’s not that I didn’t try to deviate from daydreaming. It just felt almost impossible! And I can’t explain why. It was to the point that I barely spent any time studying for my exams!

I know I sound like the world’s biggest bimbo, but the constant fantasising was just a coping mechanism for me in order to feel loved back then. Again, no shame in it. It’s just that this thing that was happening felt almost like there was a force coercing me to continue because in that moment, nothing else mattered more than convincing myself that I love something about this character named Shiva. 💙

From then on, every time I thought (or daydreamed) about my future husband, only the name Shiva I would utter. And I won’t deny that even to this day, even after knowing that He is my guardian and my heavenly father, sometimes I still feel like the definition of a loving man is still Shiva. I still sometimes utter his name when I think of someone who loves me in a romantic manner but I do of course, remember that He is my father. ❤️

It’s been 11 years now since I first discovered Him in my life. Yet, I didn’t know what it meant until just a few months ago. It’s funny how there’s always a reason for why things happen in your life but you only find out like much later. This is exactly why we should open up our senses to the Universe and be ready to receive so that when the Universe speaks to us, it will lead us to paradise. 🌴

[gavinsmg24]

Princess! Im responding!! Spirit and mad max! First off that triggered some nostalgia. Not anything clear to fully remember but I know I watched that on the roll out tvs back in elementary I’m pretty sure. Hehe. It’s cute you watched! And mad max fury road! Yesss. I know how much you love! Furiosa! Hehe my cutie 🙈. I’m happy you watched! I’d love to sit and watch with you!

Hehe your so sweet. I’ll come back to it but the wet teeth brushing hands while semi drunk getting ready for bed. Fitting in time for daddy 🥺 you don’t have to go that far but I love it!!

I’m happy for you! First pay check in a bit 🥰. Start getting a lil stash to the side for rainy day funds or splurge on yourself!💘

It’s not pessimistic or dramatic. Your feelings matter! Just bcuz you feel down all the time doesn’t always mean it’s you! I’m so proud. Like even tho you’re thinking of the meh you’re still coming up with positives! Like! Ahhh! That’s good! It’s good to like. Give your mental stability some support crutches! Like instead of only thinking of bads your finding goods too! I’m. Proud! Hmph tk relationship and money stuff.. hmph idk if the money means you need to make it or he’s not making as much or. Grr anyways. Please be safe! But. Happy your mood going towards better🥰 mwah! A kiss for how happy your making meee!

Don’t. You. Dare! Feel guilty! Not responding to me!? You’re so fucking sweet! Day 1 this was just to see if you were alive and well! Now! You come to me when you want hehe. Now! I do love it. So much I hate to say it! But I do think of you before my own desires so! If you ever need a break. Or just to rant and not even read or acknowledge my posts that’s ok! You can rant. I canr respond. And in a week you could read for the week. Or longer! I love when you think of me and talk to me. But also I’ve said. It’s a blessing! Bottom line. I shouldnt even get you.. but I do! And for as long as I make you happy, you want to, and your saftey is secure. I’ll always be here to read and respond and also talk and see your responses. If you want!

Hehe I love you. You knew I wouldnt mind 😘

Babygirl do I love your responses. Yes! But I love you being able to take care of what you need to! So! Only come and respond when you can / want to! Take a week off of responses and see if it helps! Or don’t but just saying! I wont be upset!

Salads at work yummy! And leftover chicken to take! You’re such an adult🙈 you always were it just makes me happy you doing your thing!

Your rants and thoughts will be heard! I listen and love! Mwah! Oh! And yeah it may be bad to drink to cope with recent things but idk. We all need something. Not really. Like we have weed but I’ll drink occasionally too I know you mean in a worse way. Like. Shots until woozie? But also. It’s okay! Just. Do daddy a favor and try to not go too overboard! Maybe that last shot you want you don’t need!? But that’s not me telling u waht to do. Just be wary! I love you! Nothing you’ve said makes me upset or think less of you. I still find you smart sexy amazing and cool! 🙈🥰

[heliosoll]

Can you give some more insight on the sabbath and just straight up detaching? You said not all cases so now I'm wondering the differences. I did look it up myself but I'm a baby shifter so I don't think I have enough insight to peace it together and would like if you could help me understand a bit better 🙈

Sure!

The main difference between the sabbath and detachment is your mindset. They can look very similar, and you may feel similar, but your mindset, specifically how you feel about shifting/your DR, is what actually matters here.

The sabbath is a period of rest. It's when a manifestor is 100% calm about their manifestations because they know it's happening. They don't worry about their 3D or affirm all day. Goddard basically says that it's a period of rest after persisting, in which the manifestor recognizes that their "desires" already exist in the 4D, that they don't need to worry or think about the 3D, and just feel a general sense of calmness about their manifestations. A lot of people who reach the sabbath describe feelings of no longer caring about their desires or manifesting them (because they know it's coming), knowing they don't need to do anything/anything else to manifest, and that their desires already belong to them.

When it comes to shifting, shifters who reach the sabbath will feel similar things about shifting/their DR instead. They won't worry about whether or not the shift will happen, they don't care about what method they use (if one at all), things in their CR don't bother them in negative ways, etc. The overall mindset with the sabbath in shifting should be a peaceful and fulfilled one.

Detachment on the other hand, while it can and does happen in lesser ways that don't matter, is more about how a shifter feels toward their CR. They may start to neglect their needs/wants, they feel a sense of no longer wanting to interact with people (especially family and friends), and they may start to not care about their future or what happens to them. Detachment is a very serious issue and it pops up primarily in shifters who use shifting as an unhealthy coping mechanism. It happens a lot with shifters who become obsessed with the idea of "failure" and begin to think that they'll never be able to shift (and therefore never be able to escape).

In general, the difference between the sabbath and detachment, while occasionally sharing qualities, is more about your mindset and how you feel. The shifting community by large doesn't know about the sabbath so a lot of shifters will think they're experiencing detachment and become scared. If you're confused about which is could be, just ask yourself a few questions: am i calm because i know i will shift or because i think i can't? do i not care about my circumstances because i know i will shift or because i've grown used to them and think i'll never get away? do i care about what happens to me and the people around me? do i currently enjoy life and/or find happiness in what i can? do i feel like i can do something about my situation or do i feel like i have no control over anything?

I hope this helps! Obviously, this isn't a case by case guide. But overall, the difference is mainly in your mindset!

[tsunderedoctor]

Hi! Can I request an angst scenario for Ace or Sabo whose female s/o used to be a slave but she never told them cuz she was scared they would leave her and think differently of her? Like how would they react to finding out or seeing the mark on their back? Tysm in advance dear🥰🦋💙 If it’s too much, please feel free to ignore🙈

First, I apologize for the delay; it's been a week for me (not that is any excuse, but still lol-), so thank you for your patience with me!! 💓😖

Second, I am going to add tw: mentions of self-hatred/mental abuse on self, it’s not a lot, but I want to be safe than sorry when coming into topics like this, cause lets be fair here: trauma is a bitch-

Babes below~! 💖💖

Portgas D. Ace

He was hurt when he had to find out through a crew member about your past. He gets that you don’t owe him anything and it’s not of his business; but he figured you were close enough to share that with him. 

The only reason that crew member knew was because you had a panic attack and they were the only one in the area to help you at the time. You had managed to keep it under wrap since you joined the Whitebeard Pirates, but after seeing some Celestial Dragons at your last pitstop, it brought up some unwanted memories. 

He didn’t want to bring it up at first, but the need to talk to you ate at him for days and nights. Finally after a week, the brunet gave him and took you to the side to express the words he was told. 

He expected you to be angry, but was shocked when tears sprouted from your eyes and you hugging yourself. When he went to reach out to you, and seeing you flinch back, made the man even more guilty for bringing it up.

“You want to get rid of me now right? Now that you know I am someone else’s broken tool.”

Hearing you say those words made a bitter resentment set in the man’s throat, not for you, but the person who created this ideology in your head. You weren’t broken and you surely didn’t belong to anyone either; not even him. 

Going against his better logic when he sees you struggle. He’s a words of affirmation/physical touch lover, so the boy will hug you in a heartbeat while telling you every reason why he loves you. Might be overwhelming at times, but he means well!

“No matter what, you come straight to me, I’ll burn those memories right away.”

Sabo 

It’s understandable for him to think almost all of his teammates were slaves at one point in their lives. Working with people who have been hurt by the World Government, you come to understand why they might want to join the revolutionary movement. 

So he understands you as well. In actuality, he was more scared about himself when he learned the news, rather than about your past. He deals with his own self-hatred being born a noble and having to live with that bloodline, and sometimes it scares him if one day he might just become what he hates. So he is terrified of accidentally hurting you or feeling some odd power-level between you two.

This doesn’t mean he won’t fight for your relationship, in reality this makes him want to try even more and prove he is better than his blood. 

“You hate me now, don’t you? I don’t blame you though, I hate myself just as much.” 

“I will love you no matter what past you might have, you’re you and that’s all that matters to me.” 

Will hold you no matter what day or time it is, if you are having a panic attack or flashbacks. He’s legit been there and knows what it’s like. He wants to help you work through your trauma in the healthiest ways he knows! Will also research some new coping skills and strategies to try with you, if you are willing! 

“We won’t let our pasts control us, that’s why we are fighting today. So don’t give up, keep fighting with me.” 

[spooky-sweet-insect-queen]

So .... My first fanfiction I've ever written 🙈

Hope someone like it :) I'd love to hear some feedback :)

...Almost forgot: Triggerwarning :

Don't read if you have problems with su**** thoughts or with soldier /war or trauma/ tourge (Not in this capter but coming)

King of the North,

Chapter 1/?

How could he ever have told anyone what he had done?

Of course, he could hide behind the fact that he had been forced, that his spirit had been broken before.But what would that change about the things he had done with his own hands?

Nothing would change the cruelty and the suffering.

What would they all think of him?

Would they feel pity?

Would the disgust be greater than their affection for him?

Shakily, the slender fingers of the eldest of the Stark sons brought the cigarette to his lips, where he sucked in the deadly nicotine deeply, trying to feel the relaxing effect with his eyes closed... closing his eyes, even now when he was not asleep, had become one of the hardest things to do in his life. Slowly the feeling of confinement and stench came back up in him and Robb opened his eyelids quickly, accepting the burning of the smoke rather than the images that forced themselves upon him each time.

He leaned against the cold stone wall at his back, his eyes fixed on the silence of the night ahead. The hotel he was in, and especially from the balcony he was standing on, had a beautiful view as it was higher than the city itself. The tangle of buildings where he had grown up, played with friends, gone to school, met Theon and had countless adventures with him, they had become the best of friends, even today... and they probably always would be.

Robb had always believed he would live here forever. Like his parents growing old here - watching his siblings grow up - he was sure Sansa would move away, away from here and to the sea... to where it was sunnier in so many ways.

Likewise Arja - she wanted to see the world, always had, and he knew she would - perhaps she would follow John before finding her own ways?

His youngest brothers had their whole lives ahead of them and everything was open to them.... it was far too early to worry about what path they would take here - he just knew they would have a good life and do what was right for them.

His parents would probably live here until the end - content, happy and in well-deserved peace.

Robb was sorry that he had disappointed his father so much, as he had chosen his path, followed in his footsteps and joined the military. But he had come back injured, so vitaly he was not the same and could never be again. He wished there was another way, a way back, but there wasn't and after much thought, he had found the best way forward he could do.

They would all cope - even Theon Grejoy, even he would be able to cope and continue on the path he had begun to go down a while ago - he had the strength to stand his ground and not give up the fight and face the demons....

A smirk flitted across the young man's lips - who would have thought that one day he would be envious of Theon? Of his strength and how he could cope with all the suffering....

Robb thought of the room behind him, which lay in darkness - Of the small bag he had come with, the towels from home he had taken out of the bag and spread on the bed - Of the letters to his family and friends he had long since written, which now lay on the small table in the room. Each envelope bore a name. Then he thought of the cold iron lying on the bed,... the cartridge lying next to it, waiting for him to insert it and the cool barrel he would soon taste...

The brunette with the short curls would not rush. He would savour the moment to the fullest, after all, it was the very last time he would have a view. He was all the more grateful that it was so wonderful - shown in such peace and thus it immediately felt much lighter, more liberating in a strange way, as if the world wanted to say 'goodbye' to him... especially because he knew the moment had come to relive it all again, to finish it then. Stark knew he had to let it go once more, to see every second again, to feel it, and then finally find peace for himself....

The last time he pulled on his cigarette felt heavy and final. To him, it was such a momentous act in this situation - but to the rest of the world, it didn't matter at all, even if someone saw him now, that someone didn't know what it meant. Robb stubbed out the cigarette on the metal railing of the balcony, pushing himself off the wall.

He dropped the cigarette butt into the bin next to the balcony door inside the hotel room as he walked in now. A thousand times he had gone over the scene in his head, but it was different now to actually do it, to actually be here - it felt very different from his imagination.

The sparse light from outside played around the outlines of the standardised room furnishings, helping him find his way inside. His eyes fell on the reflection of the gun on the bed. But his path led him first to the small desk on the opposite wall to bed. His fingers slid over the envelopes that lay there as he reread the curved writings to see that everyone really was there - Caytleyn, Ned, Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon, John and Theon. Of course he knew more people, but there weren't any more he wanted to say anything to, or rather leave anything for them...

Then he turned around to the bed. He moved to the side, sat on the edge so that he could continue to see the night and the clear sky out of the wide window.

His breathing was slow and little by little he closed his eyes now, letting the memories take over as he sat very still on the unused bed....

The soldier felt the warmth of his memory begin to reach him, the heat of the sun of that time. He could feel the wind, which did not cool but stirred up the sand around him and his squad each time - Robb could taste the sand - he heard his name, spun around and the next moment there was a loud bang and he fell, stumbling over one of his comrades who had been thrown at his feet by the nearby explosion...

--- End of Chapter One ---