#Just thoughts and feelings

[rosemarydisaster]

Thinking about writing something about RoyJay. I just love the idea of those two accidentally fumbling their way into having one of the healthiest dynamics in DC.

Like, they're both considered such fuck UPS by the cape community at large post drugs/pit madness. I just think they're both such no-bullshit people they would be actually really effective at cutting each other's self destructive/self isolating behavior. And at first they would fight it because "fuck you and your holier than thou shit", but they would eventually realize neither of them is judging the other. That they both come from a place of caring and empathy even if they can't always express it.

Like Roy has a lot of background on the Batfam dynamics from being friends with both Dick and Jason. He understands how it feels to not meet your mentors expectations and to be let down by them in your time of need. He's also a father that has lost his daughter and I think that he can both validate Jason's need for vengeance while also offering some perspective on Batman's self destructive behavior after Jason's death. I think that whole angle is so interesting to explore (even in a Bad Batdad or trying his best but it's not enough Batdad situation). Roy also would let Jason vent about his siblings sure, but once he calms down he'd force Jason to reckon with the fact that these are kids. Dick, Cass and Tim aren't at fault for other people comparing them to Jason, and unfair comparisons go both ways.

On the other hand I think that Jason is probably one of the better equipped people to help Roy through his addiction. Jason has never blamed Catherine for her struggles and understands that if she never managed to get clean it wasn't for a lack of love for him. He would be the most empathetic in that situation, understanding how fucking hard it is to stay clean, but at the same time he would never go easy on Roy because he knows that sometimes you need someone to hold you accountable until you can do it yourself again. Roy would really appreciate having someone that has his daughter's best interest at heart but doesn't judge him as a horrible father for struggling. It can be so hard when everyone else just assumes that you should be able to magically cure something that's affecting your brain chemistry because it's what "good parents should do". I also think Jason would point out the hypocrisy of Roy calling Dick a Martyr while pulling the same shit. Maybe Roy doesn't do it out of guilt and a savior complex but the end results are the same.

Like, I don't ship them just because they're two men standing next to each other being friends. I think that even from a completely platonic standpoint their dynamic must be so interesting because of all of the above. Canon doesn't do enough with all of those tasty parallels because they're cowards. They're in the perfect place to help each other and they have the no-nonsense attitude to keep each other in check. They wouldn't judge each other but neither would they try to fix each other. They'd help each other fix themselves. I'm chewing my arm off.

[princeofwittenberg]

Screaming out into the void once again about how painful it has been to lose so many former friends since 7/10. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s most likely ignorance not malice but it is really really hard to feel like the people who you once trusted now wouldn’t care if you died and it’s really hard not to take that personally.

I keep having these thoughts of like “how little did you ever respect me if you can believe blatant misinformation calling my people genociders?” And how little must you respect me to not even ask me why I would be supporting a side that you think is committing genocide?

So many of my former friends, people who I thought knew me well, overnight decided that I’m a terrible person who would support a genocide and didn’t even bat an eye. What the fuck ? Why do you think so little of me? Doesn’t it make more sense that you have it wrong? Or have I always just been this evil person to them?

I’m lucky to have a great Jewish community and lots of Jewish friends to feel supported by but I’m in a place of total loss of goyische friends and total distrust in the non-Jewish community because I have no idea who will listen to me and who is just going to spit vitriol in my face. Non-Jewish places don’t feel safe anymore because I am tip-toeing around people trying to figure out if the topic will come up and what to say so I don’t get the look of disgust I keep getting from people who just don’t know anything. It’s like a constant state of social anxiety but I don’t think I’m overreacting.

I wish I could just sit down with people and help them understand what’s actually going on, help them identify their antisemitism, help them understand the conflict and how to actually support Palestinians, but no one wants to listen. They just want the easy, un-nuanced answer so they don’t have to think, but that answer is wrong. And it’s hurting people.

The feelings from this are going to linger for a long time. I’m really scared that my trust around non-Jews is never going to return to where it was before. And I hate that. I don’t want to be isolationist.

But I have so much hurt inside me that I can’t resolve, so much that it feels like it’s suffocating me sometimes. It’s pain, and mourning, and grief, and anger, and it’s like I have to keep taking the hits.

B’ezrat Hashem the hostages will be released soon and Hamas will be dismantled and we can return to peace. But I’ll be honest tikvah is not my strong suit right now.

[pageofheartdj]

I think... I think I am content with having NPD(being mixed with AvPD).

With all those nasty articles it's hard to properly realize yourself and your feelings and your actions.

With strangers/coworkers I act polite and timid. I never argue with people, I am obedient. I silently die inside from even a hint of critisism.

"You did the thing not good enough" and all I hear "You are not enough" and I try not to crumble.

I secretely hope to receive a special treatement. I want people to be delicate with me, to go easy on me. I know I can't expect it, I am like everyone else. I still want it. I am still upset when I don't get it. I do as I told with a smile anyway.

With close people I am more outgoing, less scared to be rejected(I know I am loved by them, they can't take this away from me). I ignore others needs while consentrating on my own. I know it's wrong, I know I should try better, but I worry too much about myself. What if I am being wronged? I don't know how I would know, it feels like I am always wronged. I don't know where is the golden balance.

It feels like a game, a tease, they shoot at me, I shoot at them. Until turns out they became serious at some point and I catch a whiplash. I feel like a fool, it was a game, it was fun. Are you saying I am stupid?

The little criticisms feel like "You are a dissapointment and you will never not be worthless" and I want to defend myself. Why are you so cruel with me, what did I do? I am angry. I don't want to start a conflict, so I growl in my throat or pierce my hand with nails, physical pain distracting from emotional. Don't cry, don't argue. I want to, but it will make it worse. Just swallow, just seeth on the inside. (Later we goof around once more and all forgotten)

(They didn't mean to upset me, just stated a fact. I can't handle it. It hurts and I can't get away from it)

I want to be loved and adored. I am not enough to earn it. So I daydream and daydream. Where I am skillful enough, without pesky ADHD(an excuse? I don't know) on my way to practice. Without AvPD(don't even hate it) to make me recoil from attention.

I want attention but on my terms and this is impossible and I am in pain. I need water not to wither, but water is crushing me to the ground. I don't know what to do, both options hurt and there is no middle ground.

I dare to like myself sometimes. But not too much, I know I have nothing to like in myself. And if I do, then I need to match my own expectations and they are high and I am not good enough for this. So sit on the floor and don't look up.

[eri-potato]

I'm done! The last fights literally took me like fucking 5h because I am BAD at this game (I'm actually idk like medium, it's dnd, I can play it without struggling too much (contrary to DOS2) because I know 5e very well after dm and playing in it a lot. Literally was screaming on the very last fight god damn. Warning light spoils ahead, only my impressions/emotions without any actual info on what caused it exactly. I am not responsible is someone puts 2 and 2 together though. I'll give more detailed thoughts when more than like 2% of players will have finished the game. I like played 80h in an indecent amount of time.

Last warning

Aight. Some of the ending scenes absolutely wrecked me! I had a good ending and that felt fucking GREAT, I like seeing people happy. Just that nearly made me cry. Some stuff happened that made me cry and I'm still like nearly crying every time I think about it.

Here I'll adress a bit how I feel about the ending, vaguely still but a bit more detailed in my impressions. Still trying not to spoil but yknow be warned.

Unfortunately the ending is a bit rushed though, especially on the companion standpoint. I was a bit confused at my last romance scene but hey apparently some people have a bug and don't get it so at least I DID get it !! Wrapping up endings well in a game like this is challenging though, but it would be my only complaint. I would of like a bit *more* ending! The rest of the story with the companions is SO GOOD. I'll have no worries imagining the life of my bean and Shadowheart, I just would of liked to see a bit more of it hehehe.

I want to play again after a break, I have multiple ideas of characters to try other paths and all. It'll be hard not smooshing shadowheart tho because I really love her and I want to hug her so bad. Romancing Karlach will help. oh also behold the achievement I have no idea how I managed but that is the pride and joy of my playthrough because I tried very hard to succeed in this nut didn't think I'd manage or get an achievement! (secret achievement)

[arsonshub]

hhhhhhhhmmmmmm

so yes i did buy hogwarts legacy i did donate 60$ to the stonewall organization as well when i bought it

and i enjoy the story.

I am always a sucker to the idea that emotions hold power and can be used for good and evil, and how emotions itself are not a bad thing but it's how you use them and how you proceed with them

the game is interesting. with the idea that one can pull grief out of someone, and the emotion itself being magical in nature t hat everyone has

i adore it. i lovee it. and further gives me ideaes for my own story with my Threnody AU

but not only that but the repercussions of taking someone's grief away, the egood and bad it does to those too far gone or too far lost in their own grief is it better to let them suffer or take it away? for what purpose are you doing it if you're harnessing it for your own power?

wqhere are the lines drawn between helping other's by taking away their pain and using their pain as a fuel for your own gain even if you are "technically" not hurting anyone

[kaaiiine]

When u realize it's not safe to come out to anyone in your family immediate or otherwise<<<<<<<<

(I'm at my cousin's place, for context) We were having dinner tonight and got into some topics about the political standing of millennials(my cousins) vs gen z. Somehow, we got to the topic of the presence of LGBTQ+ community in modern-day media. And of course, they say that a lot of media is pushing LGBTQ couples/rep into their faces which of course they don't like because it 'feels forced'.

I don't disagree with them to an extent. A lot of rep these days does feel forced because the issues of repression and homophobia are being brought to light, but saying it is being forced on you when you have the choice of consuming that media is different.

In the end, this shit ain't for you. If you don't like it don't look at it, easy as that.

And when I said I don't have a S/O (them of course assuming I am straight) and don't like the idea of having one or that it is gross, they pressed on asking why it's gross or weird, etc. I ended up using PDA as my answer, but I didn't know what else to say.

I felt, in a way, denied of doing and enjoying what I want. This could be me dramatizing it, and denying their right to opinion, but I believe their argument is valid. I don't know. This all feels extra and confusing and stupid.

I'm just confused on what I can say or do that would be acceptable or safe. Gonna have to tread carefully i guess, walking on more eggshells :D

[wraithstill]

sweet nothing is the opposite of a kanej song. all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing. whereas kaz has asked so much of inej, but never more than she’s willing to give. never more than he knows she can handle. and for so long with no indication that he cared about her in the slightest. investment, he called her. wraith, spider. it’s no wonder she has doubts he would come for her when van eck is torturing her.

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[moncuries]

guess what i watched on new years (a redraw kind of)

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[eruhamster]

not to be annoying but i do think a lot of people mischaracterize falin. shes got the most drastic canon v fanon thing going on. which i guess makes sense bc 1. we dont see much of her and 2. lot of the fan stuff are anime-onlies that have seen even less

but i think like a good 90% of the time i see falin-centric art or posts im like hrm hrm hrm thats all wrong no nope no-siree

she's just a cool chick that takes life as it comes, doesn't hold grudges even against a mother that apparently was trying to beat the magic outta her, finds her older brother the coolest person in the world, and has autism about observing life (and death, she loves the ghosts she has a connection to) and nature and taking care of things (including taking care of her brother, which is why she's even in the dungeons; she saw her scrawny mess of a brother and decided she had to fix that).

and i think my favorite part that people don't talk about is... she would have done the same for marcille or laios if it were one of them that was eaten. you could see it in her eyes:

it's what shuro misunderstands about her. it's easy to see her feminine, cute, good girl pieces and forget the rest of her. but she loves things to an ends-of-the-earth extent; the kind of caring that makes you a little insane. and that's how I think she and laios end up on the same page with their weirdness. they have different interests, but they are the same level of committed to those interests.

it's easy to love her, because she probably loves you just as much, if not more.

EDIT: for the love of god stop reblogging this only to add some comment or tag or reply saying 'op you forgot [BLATANTLY FANON INTERPRETATION]'. falin as we know her is not a pushover/people pleaser/infantilized, see this version of my post. also stuff like 'female shuro was in love with laios in the genderbent comic' and 'falin was going to marry shuro because she felt bad' are just things you made up in your head

[chloesimaginationthings]

The moment FNAF movie Vanessa knew she fucked up

[voltaical-art]

HE WAS SEVENTEEN. AGHHH ULDER WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything