#Karl Stock

[downthetubes]

Rebellion Releases: Christmas is Coming – and 2024 looms, too!

The latest 2000AD, two Treasury of British Comics collections and a new book, Comic Book Punks by Karl Stock, are available now - and Christmas is coming, too!

The latest 2000AD, featuring the final episode of current Judge Dredd thriller, “Poison” the true story behind Hershey’s murder revealed, two Treasury of British Comics collections and a new book, Comic Book Punks by Karl Stock, are available from Rebellion this week. Plus the bumper 2000AD Christmas special edition, featuring a Strontium Dog story by Rufus Hound, is available to preorder now,…

[milimeters-morales]

i will be totally honest with y’all i can’t see Hobie (ATSV) in a romantic relationship ever. like, i can’t see him seeing anybody ever as “the one” or even having multiple partners or anything. I can barely see him having friends outside of the ones he already has. I can somewhat see the “are we dating or are we not dating” thing being something he gets involved in, but not really. i think a lot of people either don’t know or just forget that he’s probably homeless and that his world is shit rn and that stuff he needs isn’t easy to come by 😭😭 and a lot of homeless people just don’t have time/energy for shit like romantic relationships and the stuff he’s doing canonically because they’re so focused on trying to survive. That’s why when I make posts about him casually flirting or whatever it’s never serious, it never goes anywhere, because honestly! Between music shows, trying to find your next meal, fighting the power, trying to find a shelter for the night, helping other homeless people and others in need as both a civilian and Spider-Man, dealing with dimensional threats, trying to find a place to get clean, i just don’t think Hobie has time to even consider it. Sure, maybe there are facilities in the HQ to make it easier, but after that stunt, i think he’d avoid using them as much as possible. do you see what i mean??

[mahikamihan]

hhhhno thoughts only roller derby

[deadsnothere]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩.☁︎

Hello! Welcome to my Shifting Blog! My name is Seth or you can call me Sheep boy. Any pronouns !!

☆₊˚.☁︎ ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

Most of what will be posted here will be me blabbing on about my shifting journey / experience, Different scenarios and fic's from my dr's, + what it's been like in different dr's !!

｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ˎˊ˗

i have many dr's including:

.☁︎ Monster prom / camp (ft. Billzo & Ranboo)

.☁︎ West side story

.☁︎ Streamer dr (Karl edition)

.☁︎ Streamer dr (Tommy edition)

.☁︎ Streamer / vlogger dr

.☁︎ youtuber dr

.☁︎ EmpireSMP

.☁︎ DreamSMP

.☁︎ PASWAG (in no way do i support the creator it's a hyperfixation)

.☁︎ The Umbrella Academy

.☁︎ Fame

.☁︎ Stranger things

.☁︎ Percy jackson

.☁︎ Haikyuu

.☁︎ That 90's show

.☁︎ Sally Face

.☁︎ Voltron

.☁︎ That 70's show

.☁︎ One piece

.☁︎ Lockwood & Co

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

MASTERLIST

If you ever wanna know anything about my dr's or have any questions i'll gladly tell! (if appropriate)

[angiethewitch]

I can't quite convey how shocking it is to see a mainstream British newspaper publish an article like this. quoting Karl Marx and essentially calling for a rebellion against landlords - this is one of the most radical things I've ever seen a British newspaper publish, and this is a newspaper sold in shops. you'd expect this in an obscure news outlet that nobody really knows about, not the guardian. they snapped. this is beautiful.

[lowkeyrobin]

hi pookie can I get an mcyt with reader that bakes?? Like they'll just come in on stream and give mcyts a fucking platter of baked goods lol

-🎀 anon

oooo yes omg!! thank you 🎀 anon! <3 got the whole gang in here for this one LOL

MCYT ; "in my baker era"

includes ; tommyinnit, tubbo, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, quackity, foolish gamers, slimecicle, karl jacobs, & cellbit

warnings ; language, mentions of drugs

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

"Hi y/n- oh, thank you, darling!'

literally has the widest smile on his face

shows off the goods to the stream

"do these have any drugs in them? me n charlie are trying to sell drugs, y/n. we need more stock"

you hear charlie screaming through tommys headphones, "we need the grain, y/n! we need THE GRAIN"

bro is munching away on those cookies holy shit

he feeds chat as well dw

TUBBO

"Oh, hi y/n/n. wh- ohmygosh, thank you!"

smiles and gives you a little hug before showing off the goodies to stream & his friends

"look what y/n made me! I can't wait to try these" He smiles looking back at you

"new recipe, tell me if you like them"

"will do!"

he gives you a thumbs up as he shoves his mouth full of the cupcakes

safe to say he's a fan of the birthday cake flavored cupcakes

RANBOO

"Hey babe! Oh, thank you!"

does a whole 360 of the plate for chat 💀💀💀💀

"Oh my God, these are so fucking good"

"guys, y/ns in their baking era. can you write an album about that? please become Taylor swift for us"

"BAHHAHAHAH"

literally takes a picture as per usual and posts it to Twitter LMAO

he gets some fans to send you recipes you should try for a serious baking stream LMAO

BADLINU

"Hey love- oh, hi!"

all smiles and shit, he swears you have a sixth sense to know when people are hungry

"guys, y/n made me some bisexuality cake!" He giggles, showing off the tri-colored cake on the plate

he was making a video with harry, tubbo & tommy so everyone had their facecams on

it was like a three tier cake you made and cut out a slice for him

the inside was just the bi flag and the outside was plain white with some fun icing piper testing

he tries it and it's SO MOIST AND SOFT IT IS PERFECT.

there's just 5 raw minutes of him telling you how amazing this fucking cake is LMAO

QUACKITY

"Hey, I'm streaming ba- ohmyfuckinggodthankyou!!"

does a 360 of the plate for the camera

"Holy shit these look so fucking good, thank you so much, y/n"

he's literally just streaming on the qsmp with roeir and fit and he like games and eats the damn cookies at the same time LMFAO

"Dude I feel like I'm high, these are so good, what's in this shit?"

"cocaine"

"WHAT!? DID YOU JUST DRUG ME? GUYS, MY PARTNER DRUGGED ME, HELP"

you're just playing into the bit dw

best red velvet cookies he's ever eaten

CELLBIT

"Hey darling, what's up?"

you hand him the little strawberry shortcake and he just looks at you like 😍😍

turns to his stream and shoves the plate up to the camera all happy like "Oh my God look what they made for me!"

he eats the entirety of it on stream and asks you a bunch of questions

like how you made it, where you found the recipe, etc

he shares it with you too 💔🫶

NIHACHU

"Hi honey! Ooo, what's this called?"

"Chocolate mousse. it's a little thick because it's my first time making it but let me know if it's good"

she holds that little glass like it's her child

she tries it with a tiny spoon you gave her and she's like "oh my God this is amazing, y/n/n"

shows it off to the friends she's streaming with too

"send them more recipes guys, I wanna be spoiled with sweets!"

"thank you nikis viewers!! love you all"

FOOLISH GAMERS

when I tell you this man's face LIGHTS UP.

"you made me fudge? oh my God! I love you"

literally spends the next 15 minutes talking to you and gobbling the fudge down

"since when do you make fudge??"

"since I wanted to try" you shrug

"you should totally make some more... when you're not busy and if you want to!"

"Thank you y/n! everyone say thank you!"

KARL JACOBS

"Hi babe! Oh my God, thank you!!"

literally jumping around

you made him a chocolate cake, and the icing was multicolored and you made sure to make it like karl themed basically

it was so cute omg

"guys!! look what they made me, I love my partner so fucking much!"

gives you multiple kisses before he gulps it down lmaooo

SLIMECICLE

"Oh, hi y/n! thank you so much"

does a 360 for stream

"when did you find time to make this? I thought you were at work????"

"special treat" you shrug

you watch him run across the qsmp and go to ems bakery to sit inside and eat it 😭

he keeps you on stream for a while cause chat loves you n stuff 🫶🫶

[shittyakechiweekly]

Thinking about Akechi and philosophy again. Particularly his mention/very superficial glaze over hegelian dialectics. It's really weird to me that some people seem to go "he misquoted hegel sjjsjsjsjkaks" and then give an explanation of dialectics that shows that... they don't fuckin understand dialectics fully themselves.

Which is understandable considering Hegel was an idealist and idealism tends to require some weird logic to understand. (Akechi seems to in canon reference a lot of idealists which is hhhh, so I depict him as a materialist out of spite) I also haven't fuckin read Hegel myself, so I can't perfectly explain hegelian dialectics. However, I can sure explain dialectical materialism to an extent cause i've done my homework there at least. And like having an understanding of dialectics in general is a key part to understanding that crap. So I look at this quote right

this one? and im like well, in explaining dialectics he aint fuckin wrong. Now did Hegel explicitly state this? Idk, i don't feel like cracking open the 300 pager that is The Phenomenology of the Spirit right now. It's 1AM. And if he didn't, that is okay. Look, Karl Marx didn't fuckin explicitly explain dialectical materialism either. We still credit it to him though, since it is the method he designed and used. Also if you're wondering where thesis and antithesis comes from, it's from Kant. Kant is one of the many that influenced Hegel.

Moving on to the actual paraphrase. Again, Akechi ain't wrong. Contradiction exists in all things, and yes to advance you must resolve the contradiction. This is where people who bring up the "Akechi forgot the synthesis!" get kind of on my nerves because he didn't. One cannot have advancement(synthesis), without resolving the preexisting contradiction (thesis and antithesis). Hell! even if you ditch the idea of synthesis, he could still be right about dialectics, just not hegelian dialectics. Akechi uses the term advancement, which allows us to play with the possibility that maybe his approach to dialectics is through marxist dialectics. A synthesis, in the constant motion of the dialectic, would become another thesis with it's own antithesis and then fuse into another synthesis. The pattern continues. In dialectical materialism, we see that 1) multiple contradictions can exist simultaneously, and 2) That change occurs not by fusion of the thesis and antithesis, but when the intensity and opposition of the contradiction grows until it bursts into a new contradiction. Although, Akechi is talking about hegel to paraphrase the general concept of the dialectic, and could be purposefully using "advancement" instead of synthesis to highlight the constant motion of the dialectic, but maybe to obfuscate what kind of dialectical method he puts more stock in. Dialectical materialism can kind of be like dirty word in philosophical spheres because it is marxist. I doubt the writers for the game could get away with it either, considering the kind of ending message the game was given.

But also like I doubt the writers did a super deep dive into dialectics. And it would be kind of weird to have a game where there is literally an immaterial world based entirely on thought, start using a materialist dialectical method instead of an idealist one. Even then for a simple throwaway comment about dialectics, it is still accurate enough.

Anyways, I'm not a philosopher. I'm a sociologist and an artist. My fiance is the philosopher, and I fully expect them to correct my ass on some parts in the replies if they see this post.

[delusionalwriter02]

insta as dazais gf pt 2? but affectionate

Insta as Dazai's GF p.2

a/n : hello dear! thank you for your request, hope you'll like it!

<3 liked by Atsushiii, Chu_uya and 745 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : he just saw @.KunikiDA

KunikiDA : I prefer seeing him at work

↳ Daze_i : work is boring, bar is fun

↳ KunikiDA : Being drunk is NOT fun

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I swear Dazai is so funny when he's drunk

↳ KunikiDA : DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM

↳ Daze_i : I chose my girl PERFECTLY

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : you didn't choose me, I chose you

↳ Daze_i : yes you're right i'm sorry princess

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : better

↳ Yosanugirl : girl you got him WRAPED

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he's the best

↳ Daze_i : i'm gonna cry 😞

<3 liked by Ranthebestpo, p0e and 639 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : it's Karl's birthday!!!!🎉

Ranthebestpo : he was so happy so i'm happy

↳ p0e : thank you everyone for coming

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : OF COURSE I would NEVER let my boy down

↳ p0e : me ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : not you, Karl

↳ p0e : yeah makes more sense

Yosanurgirl : the little hat you got him was THE CUTEST

↳ Chu_uya : it's so strange that your mascot is a raccoon

↳ Yosanugirl : he's not a mascot, he's our baby

↳ Daze_i : well YOUR baby is violent

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Love, he's violent with you, not with us

↳ Daze_i : but why ????

↳ Yosanugirl : because you don't pick him up out of nowhere ????

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : you scared him idiot

↳ Daze_i : but I pick you up all of the time and you're not scared ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : WE STOP THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW

<3 liked by Atsushiii, Ranthebestpo and 492 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : 📸 @.Atsushiii, we scared the shit out of him

Atsushiii : I was not prepared

↳ Daze_i : it's not rare to see me on roof yk ?

↳ Atsushiii : yeah I should have known 🙄

KunikiDA : The sky is really beautiful for once

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : just the sky ?

↳ KunikiDA : No your back is pretty

↳ Daze_i : not only her back

↳ KunikiDA : Don't start

↳ Yosanugirl : Yn is the prettiest girl, I still don't understand how you two ended up together

↳ Daze_i : me too

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : tf ???

↳ Daze_i : I'm really lucky to have you my love

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : since when are you so emotional on social media ??????

↳ Daze_i : and you're the prettiest person on Earth

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Dazai u okay ?

↳ Daze_i : DAMN IT I WAS TRYING TO BE CUTE SO JUST SAY I'M THE BEST BF ??????????????

↳ Chu_uya : LMFAO YOU'RE SO STRANGE FUCKER ???

↳ Daze_i : can't even be romantic without being criticized 😤

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : NO LOVE I'M SORRY it's just so not you to be this nice

↳ Daze_i : WDYM ?? I'M ALWAYS NICE WITH YOU

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : IN PRIVATE YES

↳ Daze_i : fuck it, tonight i'm taking you on dinner and you CANT SAY NO

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : @.Gintonic seems like we gotta report our night

<3 liked by Daze_i, Yosanurgirl and 572 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : He's made my life a laughing stock

Daze_i : I'll love you forever

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : me too my dear

↳ Yosanugirl : you're making me feel so single

↳ Gintonic : am i transparent ?

↳ Yosanurgirl : we're not in a relationship but I swear your kiss are the best

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : agree

↳ Akutagawa : WHAT

↳ Daze_i : ????????????

↳ Chu_uya : HUH ???

↳ Gintonic : ...what ?

↳ Akutagawa : do you have ONE friend you haven't kissed yet ?

↳ Gintonic : Who do you think I am ? OF COURSE I DON'T KISS ALL OF MY FRIENDS IDIOT

↳ Daze_i : YN YOU KISSED GIN ????

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : and Yosano

↳ Yosanugirl : we were young, we wanted to experiment

↳ Daze_i : AND WHY NOT WITH ME ???

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : because I didn't knew you and I was like 15 ????

↳ Yosanugirl : don't act like it's a big deal

↳ Daze_i : you kissed more girls than me so YES IT'S A BIG DEAL

↳ Chu_uya : liar you just don't remember it

↳ Daze_i : ....... maybe

<3 liked by Yosanugirl, Akutagawa and 892 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : the happiness I've longed for

Daze_i : I'll forever take care of it, my dearest

Hey! I got a little emotional at the end but it was pleasure to write that second part, this serie started with him and I still can't believe that we're now 200 on my little account, I could never thank you enough for sending me request, cute messages or likes, truly it means a lot to me so thank you from the bottom of my heart, i love you,

with love <3

[downthetubes]

Rebellion Releases: 2000AD Regened offers more teen thrills, out today

On sale today from Rebellion is the latest 2000AD Regened, as Tharg's nephew Joko-Jargo takes controls of the Command Module from Uncle Tharg for one week only

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Washington State's capital gains tax proves we can have nice things

Today (June 3) at 1:30PM, I’m in Edinburgh for the Cymera Festival on a panel with Nina Allen and Ian McDonald.

Monday (June 5) at 7:15PM, I’m in London at the British Library with my novel Red Team Blues, hosted by Baroness Martha Lane Fox.

Washington State enacted a 7% capital gains tax levied on annual profits in excess of $250,000, and made a fortune, $600m more than projected in the first year, despite a 25% drop in the stock market and blistering interest rate hikes:

https://www.theurbanist.org/2023/06/01/lessons-from-washington-states-new-capital-gains-tax/

Capital gains taxes are levied on “passive income” — money you get for owning stuff. The capital gains rate is much lower than the income tax rate — the rate you pay for doing stuff. This is naked class warfare: it punishes the people who make things and do things, and rewards the people who own the means of production.

The thing is, a factory or a store can still operate if the owner goes missing — but without workers, it shuts down immediately. Everything you depend on — the clothes on your back, the food in your fridge, the car you drive and the coffee you drink — exists because someone did something to produce it. Those producers are punished by our tax system, while the people who derive a “passive income” from their labor are given preferential treatment.

The Washington State tax is levied exclusively on annual gains in excess of a quarter million dollars — meaning this tax affects an infinitesimal minority of Washingtonians, who are vastly better off than the people whose work they profit from. Most working Americans own little or no stock, and the vast majority of those who do own that stock in a retirement fund that is sheltered from these taxes.

(Sidebar here to say that market-based pensions are a scam, a way to force workers to gamble in a rigged casino for the chance to enjoy a dignified retirement; the defined benefits pension, combined with adequate Social Security, is the only way to ensure secure retirement for all of us)

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/25/derechos-humanos/#are-there-no-poorhouses

Washington’s tax was anticipated to bring in $248m. Instead, it’s projected to bring in $849m in the first year. Those funds will go to public school operations and construction and infrastructure spending:

https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/politics/was-new-capital-gains-tax-brings-in-849-million-so-far-much-more-than-expected/

That is to say, the money will go to ensuring that Washingtonians are educated and will have the amenities they need to turn that education into productive work.

Washington State is noteworthy for not having any state personal or corporate income tax, making it a haven for low-tax brain-worm victims who would rather have a dead gopher running their states than pay an extra nickel in taxes. But places that don’t have taxes can’t fund services, which leads to grotesque, rapid deterioration.

Washington State plutes moved because they relished living in well-kept, cosmopolitan places with efficient transportation, an educated workforce, good restaurants and culture — none of which they would have to pay for. They forgot Karl Marx’s famous saying: “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

The idea that Washington could make up for the shortfalls that come from taxing its wealthiest residents by levying regressive sales taxes and other measures is mathematically illiterate wishful thinking. When the one percent owns nearly everything, you can tax the shit out of the other 99% and still not make up the shortfall.

Meanwhile: homelessness, crumbling roads, and crisis after crisis. Political deterioration. Cute shopping neighborhoods turn into dollar store hellscapes because no one can afford to shop for nice things because all their income is going to plug the gaps in health, education, transport and other services that the low-tax state can’t afford.

Washington State’s soak-the-rich tax is ironic, given the propensity of California’s plutes to threaten to leave for Washington if California finally passes its own extreme wealth tax.

There’s a reason all these wealthy people want to live in California, Washington, New York and other states where there’s broad public support for taxing the American aristocracy: states with rock-bottom taxes are failed states. All but two of America’s “red states” are dependent on transfers from the federal government to stay in operation. The two exceptions are Texas, whose “free market” grid is one nanometer away from total collapse, and Florida, which is about to slip beneath the rising seas it denies.

Rich people claim they’d be happy to live in low-tax states, and even tout the benefits of a desperate workforce that will turn up to serve drinks at their country clubs even as a pandemic kills them at record rates. But when the chips are down, they don’t want to depend on a private generator to keep the lights on. They don’t want to have to repeatedly replace their luxury cars’ suspension after it’s wrecked by gaping potholes. They don’t want to have to charter a jet to fly their kids out of state to get an abortion.

This is true globally, too. As Thomas Piketty pointed out in Capital in the 21st Century, if the EU and OECD created a wealth tax, the rich could withdraw to Dubai, the Caymans and Rwanda, but they’d eventually get sick of shopping for the same luxury goods in the same malls guarded by the same mercenaries and want to go somewhere, you know, fun:

https://memex.craphound.com/2014/06/24/thomas-pikettys-capital-in-the-21st-century/

We’re told that Americans would never stand for taxing the ultra-rich because they see themselves as “temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” It’s just not true: soak-the-rich policies are wildly popular:

https://balanceourtaxcode.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/WA-State-Wealth-Tax-Poll-Results-3.pdf

The Washington tax windfall is fascinating in part because it reveals just how rich the ultra-rich actually are. Warren Buffett says that “when the tide goes out, you learn who’s been swimming naked.” But Washington’s new tax is a tide that reveals who’s been swimming with a gold bar stuck up their ass.

It’s not surprising, then, that Washingtonians are so happy to tax their one percenters. After all, this is the state that gave us modern robber barons like Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos. And then there’s clowns like Steve Ballmer, star of Propublica’s IRS Files, the man whose creative accounting let him claim $700m in paper losses on his basketball team, allowing him to pay a mere 12% tax on $656m in income, while the workers who made his fortune on the court paid 30–40% on their earnings.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/08/tuyul-apps/#economic-substance-doctrine Ballmer’s also a master of “tax loss harvesting,” who has created paper losses of over $100m, letting him evade $138m in federal taxes:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/24/tax-loss-harvesting/#mego

These guys aren’t rich because they work harder than the rest of us. They’re rich because they profit from our work — and then, to add insult to injury, pay little or no taxes on those profits.

Washington’s lowest income earners pay six times the rate of tax as the state’s richest people. When the wealthy squeal that these taxes are class warfare, they’re right — it is class war, and they started it.

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Edinburgh, London, and Berlin!

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/03/when-the-tide-goes-out/#passive-income

[Image ID: The Washington State flag; the circular device featuring George Washington has been altered so that it is now the head of a naked man clothed in a barrel with two wide leather shoulder straps.]

[gettinshiggywithit]

!Celebrating your birthday with the BSD boys!

(this is part 1)(pt2{tmrw})(pt3{Wednesday})

scenario:- its your birthday and you're celebrating with the bsd bois!

pairings:- dazai x gn!reader,kunikida x gn!reader, ranpo x gn!reader

Genre:- fluff

Type:- headcannons

↪️Dazai Osamu

I feel like dazai would open with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOURE NOW ONE YEAR CLOSER TO DYING A NATURAL DEATH”

*proceeds to throw around double suicide ideas*

But jokes aside,if you’re not that thrilled at the prospect of aging (and honestly valid) he’ll definitely hype you up.

Like this man CANNOT take a compliment to save his life

But DAM can he dish em out

Probably has a full day of fun activities planned

But if you’re more an introverted and indoor person hed organise a full fun day for just the two of you at his place,movies,presents,couple-y stuff;The Whole SheBang!

Thered definitely be some dangerous activities in there

But hey! Its dazai, he probably knows what hes doin rightt???(spoiler:he doesnt)

The day ends with fireworks (whether by like using actual ones or junichiros light snow ability,we may never know)

And he tells you that theres no one else he’d rather go out as beautifully as the fireworks with~

↪️Kunikida Doppo

Has a DETAILED schedule for your day

Ofc it consist of stuff that he KNOWS you’ll love

If you’re kinda down abt the fact you’re gettin older he’ll just tell you that it’s inevitable and that it is nothing to be worried about

If be sees that that didnt help,(buddy come on) he says that time seems to have frozen for you and that you look as beautiful as the day you met

(WAN tachihara voice:WHATS THIS???? A COMPLIMENT FROM KUNIKIDA??????)

Also when you guys cut a cake at the agency,he gives you a book-shaped package and asks you to open it in private

It was a book of poems, he’d been writing them since the day you first met.and lemme tell you,theyre sweeter and sappier than anyone would ever think him capable of writing

When you thank him for it he just kinda shrugs it off but you can CLEARLY see the blush creeping up his face and can hear the lil crack in his voice

Also uses doppo poet to make you a smol bouquet of your fave flowers

Could he have bought em from a shop? Yes. But did he wanna woo you? Also yes.

What can i say,he’s surprisingly romantic

(Ps:- DO NOTT LET DAZAI GET HIS HANDS ON THAT BOOK OF POEMS!!)

↪️Edogawa Ranpo

Showers you with snacks

Like

Literally AND figuratively

Also allows you to eat some of his(its your special day after all)

Gets you the most insightful and heartfelt gift but also something that you’ve wanted for a while

When you ask him how he knew youd wanted it,he launches into a huge explanation of how he used his special ability to analyse your body language and-yadayadayada

Please tell him ur impressed cos he loves hearin ur praises

Asks poe to write a birthday themed mystery and yall solve it together

(Ofc he doesnt out right asks,he just kinda dares poe that he cant write it...ranpo be ranpo-ing mann)

(But when poe finds out its for you he does it with even more determination than before!!{howww is that eveb possible???})

Karl also gives you a gift cos poe really likes you(you’re nice to him and say his stories are great) (future angst piece???)

Your day will end with a huge ass movie marathon

SOO MANY SNACKS

like u thought he gave u a lot in the beginning

But DAM boi is STOCKED

will feed you throughout the movie and cuddles you close

He just loves spendin this much time with you tbh🥺

please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but these stories? mine.

feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!

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[coopigeoncoo]

The Cardinal Rule

Pairing: Hawks/Gender Neutral Reader

Rating: Teen+

Tags: Romantic Comedy, Bird Puns, Ritual Blood Letting, Blood and Injury, Descriptions of Surgical Procedures, Vomit, The Teachings of Karl Marx

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A story where Hawks learns that while humans might be awed by his flying skills, the bird population is decidedly less impressed.

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"The birds are refusing to work until their demands are met," you explained, trying to subtly slide your body between Hawks and the birds who were quite literally calling for bloodshed.

"Which are?" Hawks asked as he lifted the bottle of water to his mouth and took a long sip.

"They, ah, want you held accountable for your numerous bird crimes."

Hawks abruptly choked, water spurting from the corner of his lips as he attempted to swallow the remaining liquid as he sputtered helplessly.

"My what?" He coughed, thumping solidly on his chest with a closed fist.

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Continue Reading below or follow the link to Ao3!

The air inside the studio was stifling; hot from the numerous bodies crammed into one room and the too-bright spotlights shining down onto the immaculately styled set pieces.  The entire thing looked like something your Art History Professor would have gushed over, the words ‘Brutalistic’ and ‘Industrial’ echoing through your head in their booming voice.  And you understood this set design just about as much as you understood that entire unit in school- pretty much not at all.  

But it wasn’t your job to understand the aesthetic appeal of the bone white pillars jutting out from the concrete floor at harsh angles.  Your job was to mind the birds.  

You liked your job at the bird rehabilitation center well enough and found it soothing most days.  Getting to spend your days caring for sick and infirmed birds was emotionally rewarding as well as lucrative.  It turns out that Ornithologists were very willing to shell out the big bucks to have someone with an Avian Communication Quirk on their payroll.  You had cemented yourself as an irreplaceable employee when you single handedly turned a failing breeding program around by informing the lead scientist that the female bird wasn’t receptive to the male’s advances because she thought he didn’t groom himself well enough.  One emergency bath later and the courtship proceeded without a hitch.  Last you heard the endangered pair was happily raising their forth successful brood.     

The only part of your work you didn’t like was what you were forced into doing today; accompanying the birds on sojourns outside of the rescue facility.  Schools loved to have the birds visit as they were a good distraction for the children that allowed the harried teachers to catch their breaths and chug a cup of coffee while your feathered companions dazzled the students with their aerial acrobatics.  And even though those bouts of public speaking absolutely wracked your nerves, you would happily subject yourself to a dozen school assemblies if it meant escaping the hell that was waiting stand-by at a Pro Hero photo shoot.

Pro Heroes, by the nature of their work, had unpredictable schedules at best and were unreachable at worst, leaving the support and PR people who orbited around them in a perpetual state of limbo.  In general, you found lateness to be deeply inconsiderate of everybody’s time and energy, but it was a social faux paus to call Heroes out on their tardiness.  They were usually late due to being called out for emergencies and rescues, so chiding them for missing appointments was a surefire way to come off looking like an absolute jerk to the public at large.  

But internally you can, and often do, curse them for keeping you waiting in a sweltering studio for hours as your birds grew increasingly agitated and your stock of treats ran low.  

“Hot," a brilliant red cardinal complained, hopping into the bowl of water you had placed at the bottom of his cage. 

“I know, buddy.  Hold on just a little longer, okay?”

“Too many suns,” one of the hawks complained, ducking her head beneath her wing to block out the blinding glow of the stand lights.  

“There sure are.  Do you want me to put a blanket over your cage?”

“Yes,” she agreed readily, shifting her weight from foot to foot in irritation as pulled out a dark blue blanket and draped it over the side of her cage that faced the lights.

A frazzled looking assistant darted your way, hand pressed to the earpiece of their headset as she took in the newest bout of information being relayed.

"Hawks is on-site now.  He's just about done in wardrobe and then he'll make his way here," the assistant said, her eyes frantically scanning over the clipboard in her hands.

"Thank goodness," you sighed, turning to the cages that housed the birds.  "Are you all ready?"

"Leave?  Leave now?" The cardinal chirped, bouncing excitedly in his bath.

"Unfortunately, no.  We still have work to do."

"Not ready then," the cardinal huffed petulantly, puffing up his bright red body as he sank down into his pool. 

"C'mon, it won't be too bad!  If you all follow directions I bet the photos will go really fast and we'll be out of here in no time!" You assured the tiny red bird, crouching down to give him your full attention as he flapped his wings too fast and sent water sloshing out of his pool.  

"Treat would make me ready," the cardinal said slyly, tilting his head to the side in an attempt to distract you from his manipulations by reminding you of how cute he was.

"Treat?" The overwhelmed hawk inquired, peeping her head from around her shroud.

"Treat?" A dove cooed, nudging its friends awake who immediately joined in with the call for snacks.

"Treat! Treat!" The birds chirped and squawked, hitting their wings against the side of their cage and creating a loud enough ruckus that people were beginning to send irritated glances your way.

"Okay!," you hissed in capitulation, pulling a handful of dried crickets out of a paper bag.  "But this is the last of the treats I brought with me, so you all need to behave and make it through the rest of the photoshoot.  Got it?"

"Yes, yes," the cardinal readily agreed, bouncing along the bottom of his cage and picking up the grasshopper in its beak, chomping happily.  "Be good.  Promise."

The cardinal was a dirty rotten liar.  

Snacks had bought you a tentative peace that lasted until the moment Hawks arrived on set.  The birds took one look at the Hero and promptly began screeching, startling everyone in the studio and causing more than one person to drop their cup of coffee in surprise.  Hawks took to air, landing on top of one of the pillars and artfully arranged himself according to the Photographer's instructions while your birds went wild; hurling insults his way.

"Rude!  Rude bird!" The cockatoo called, flairing his crest in displeasure.

"Bad flier!" The doves chastised together with sharp clicks of their beaks.

"Miscreant!" The cardinal called, easily the most wound up of the bunch, fluffing up his feathers to look threatening.  "Criminal!"

"Hey, guys!  Shhhh, you have to quiet down!" You begged, aware of all the judgemental glares settling onto your back like a physical weight.  "You promised you'd behave!"

"No behave!  Need justice!" The cardinal called, hopping up onto his perch and opening his bright orange beak to let out a high pitched chirp. " JUSTICE!"

"Justice!" The rest of the birds echoed. Justice!  Justice!  Justice!"

"We're ready for the birds on set!" The assistant informed you as she motioned over her shoulder to where the photographer circled around Hawks, snapping a few last minute test shots.

"Right," you coughed nervously. "About that."

"What do you mean the birds refuse to work?!" The photographer roared in your face, his cheeks colored a splotchy red.  "They're birds! "

"Yes, they are.  And they refuse to take pictures with Hawks."

"All of them?" The photographer scrubbed a frustrated hand down his face, a vein at his temple pulsating in time with his thundering heartbeat.  

"Seems like," you admit with a sheepish shrug. "It's pretty unusual for them to agree on anything like this.  The raptors and the songbirds are almost always at odds with each other."

"I'm so glad they've managed to achieve bird peace instead of doing, oh, I don't know;  WHAT I'VE PAID FOR THEM TO DO!" The photographer bellowed through gritted teeth, pulling out fistfuls of his already thinning hair in frustration.  

"No price on honor!" The cardinal chirped boldly, the other birds supporting their tweeted proclamation with chirps of their own.  

"What's going in here?" A passing member of the crew asked, hoisting a coiled extension cord up onto his shoulder.

"The birds are uh- unionizing, apparently?  And have decided to go on strike," you explain.

"Really?" The man said, eyes wide in astonishment as he gave the birds a thumbs up and a wide smile. "Right on, little dudes!  Fight the power!"

"Yes!  Fight!  Fight!" The cardinal called.

"Fight!" The birds chorused.

"Bite!  Bite!" The cardinal screeched as he snapped his beak in demonstration.  

"You uh, might want to get away from the cages," you warn the photographer.  "They're starting to call for violence."

The photographer turned away from the cages and appeared to take cleansing breaths before he noticed the crew orderly filing out of the studio.

"Wait!" The photographer called out to the workers. "Where are you going?"

"Sorry man, but we don't cross picket lines," the man holding the extension cord explained as he grabbed a soggy donut from  craft services table on his way out the door.  The crew's act of solidarity seemed to please the birds, who let out  joyous calls in return.  

"We are flock!" The cardinal cheered.  "The flock is strong!"

"I'm so going to get fired for this," you mutter despondently as the birds began flipping over their feeders, spilling seeds and slices of fresh fruit across the studio floor.  

"So what's the excitement over here all about?" Hawks asked, finally curious enough about the disruption your birds were causing to come over and investigate.  

"So, um.  The birds are upset, " you begin warily, hyper aware that the birds were screeching louder and louder with every step Hawks took towards their cages.  

"I can see that," he smirked as he twisted the lid off of a bottle of water, the lopsided grin perfectly at home on his scruffy face.

"And they're refusing to work until their demands are met," you explained, trying to subtly slide your body between Hawks and the birds who were quite literally calling for bloodshed.  

"Which are?" Hawks asked as he lifted the bottle of water to his mouth and took a long sip.

"They, ah, want you held accountable for your numerous bird crimes."

Hawks abruptly choked, water spurting from the corner of his lips as he attempted to swallow the remaining liquid as he sputtered helplessly.

"My what? " He coughed, thumping solidly on his chest with a closed fist.

"Crimes!  So many crimes!" The cardinal squawked.  "Criminal!"

"Villain!  Bad Hawk!" The hawk supplied, eager to distance herself from this other hawk's misdeeds.  

"You seem to have acquired a terrible reputation amongst the bird population in the city.  They're calling you a Villain," you explain ruefully, desperately wishing that you had woken up dead this morning so you could have avoided this entire mortifying ordeal.  

"Tell me- tell me everything, " Hawks sputtered, staring intensely at the rioting birds with wide golden eyes.

Since you were the only person who could understand both human and avians, you were selected to mediate by default.  The birds, unsurprisingly, chose the rabble-rousing cardinal as their representative.  

"I'm going to let you out of the cage now," you told the cardinal, unlocking the door to his enclosure.  "No funny business or you're going right back in, understood?"

"Yes," the cardinal groused, hopping up and down to psych himself up for confronting the number one bird-sona non grata.  

"That means no biting."

"..."

"Agree not to bite or I'm leaving you in the cage."

"Fine," the cardinal agreed, puffing his feathers up in irritation.  "No bite."

"Took him a while to agree to that rule," Hawks murmured uneasily, eyeing the cardinal's sharp orange beak.  

"Yeah, they made up a song about biting you earlier and I think it got him really excited about the prospect."

"Oh, wow," Hawks said, a genuine thread of amazement lacing through his words.  "They've really put a lot of effort into hating me."

"Yeah, they really have.  It's super impressive, right?"

"No chatting!" The cardinal admonished, squeezing your finger with his tiny feet; talons prickling your skin.  "List his crimes!  Prepare for judgment!"

"Right, okay.  So, their biggest complaint is that you're an inconsiderate flier," you begin, keeping an eye on the cardinal perched on your finger as he nods along to your words.

"Inconsiderate how?"

"For starters, you often fly through a flock.  That makes them consider you a predator and unnecessarily stresses them out.  It's an especially big deal during the spring when the females are incubating."

"I see," Hawks murmured, scratching his chin thoughtfully.  

You listened closely to the clarifying chirp of the cardinal before addressing Hawks once more.  "He says that you will also position yourself at the front of a flock, putting yourself in charge of navigation and end up leading them wildly off course."

"I had no idea," Hawks admitted with a sigh, grimacing under the beady glare of the cockatoo. "I was just enjoying their company while I flew."

"And that's kind of the underlying issue here," you point out, running a calming finger over the fluffy crest of feathers atop his head.  "You're playing on their field but totally ignoring the rules of the game and just sowing chaos everywhere you fly."

"I feel like a complete jerk," Hawks admitted, moving his head so he was face to face with the feisty cardinal.  "I'm sorry for causing trouble and making such a mess of things.  I'll be much more conscious about how I fly in the future."

The cardinal was quiet on your finger, mulling over Hawk's words thoughtfully.

"Tell him more."

"Really?" You groan.  "Can't you just accept his apology and move on?"

"Hear all crimes!  Then retribution!"

"Okay, so are you ready to hear the rest?"

"There's more? " Hawks asked incredulously, staring at the cardinal with wide eyes.  

"You better grab a seat," you advise him with a sigh.  "It's a long list of complaints."

To his immense credit, Hawks sat through the translated tongue lashing with rapt attention, taking in each and every criticism with a solemn nod of his head.  He was accused of everything from taking up all the best perches to not sharing the snacks he brought up onto rooftops with him.  That one seemed especially egregious in the eyes of the birds, as the mere mention of unshared snacks past sent them into a wild screeching fit it took you minutes to calm them down from.

"Last crime," the cardinal proclaimed grandiosely, as though he was delivering a sermon from a pulpit and not yelling at an increasingly despondent man while perched on your finger.  "Duck got head stuck in fence.  Hawks took picture and laughed!"

"You laughed and took a picture of a duck that got its head stuck in a fence?"

"Yeah," Hawks winced, fingers running across the grooves in his water bottle nervously.  "I freed them afterwards though!"

"After you laughed at them and took a picture, you mean?" You huffed, completely siding with the birds in this particular instance.  

"Crimes done.  Retribution now!"   The cardinal chirped, sending the rest of the birds into an uproar of wildly flapping wings and agreeing squeaks.  

"What's he saying?"

"He's, uh, calling for retribution."

"Feathers and blood!" The cardinal demanded.

"Feathers and blood!" The doves warbled in agreement.

"They're calling for your feathers and blood," you informed the Hero.   

"And snacks!" The hawk added, the rest of the birds silent as they considered the added request.

"Yes, snacks!" The cardinal chirped in triumph as the rest of the birds joined him in his chant. "Snacks!  Snacks!  Snacks!"

"Feathers, blood…and snacks," you clarify, watching anxiously as Hawks' brow furrowed deeply in thought.

"I agree to your terms," Hawks said, holding out his extended index finger in front of the cardinal.  "Blood and feathers now, with snacks to be delivered later.  Deal?"

The cardinal, being a legitimately good representative for his species, turned to briefly confer with the rest of the birds before hopping from your finger onto Hawks'; the closest approximation to a handshake as they could get.  

"It's a deal," you smiled brightly to Hawks, who returned your brilliant grin with one of his own that set off sharp pangs of nervousness in your belly.  It had been easy to ignore how handsome he was while you were busy trying to quell a feathery uprising; but now that the panic that had been crashing through your body was abating, your brain had apparently decided you had more than enough brain cells free to contemplate how pleasing Hawks' appearance was.  

He was a bit more disheveled than he was at the start of this entire debacle, hair tousled from where he had run his hands through it in bouts of sheepishness; but he still looked put together and expertly coiffed.  You, on the other hand, could tell that an entire day spent in a sweltering room hadn't done you any favors by the way your uniform polo clung to your sweat-dampened skin.  Suddenly self conscious and desperate for a shower, you puff your chest out in a false show of bravado and do your best to move things along.  

"Alright, which do you want to do first?  The blood or the feathers?"

The birds, by and large, considered giving up feathers to be the most important act of contrition and agreed that the request for blood was mostly just a ceremonial inclusion for traditions sake.  But Hawks, determined to repent, ran one of his sharpened feathers across his forearm with no complaint; dulling the blood tipped feather and presenting it to the cardinal with a deep bow.  

The cardinal accepted the offering with a pleased chirp, taking the feather in his beak and carefully tucking it in amongst his tail feathers.  Hawks' plume, being about twice the length of the entire cardinal, trailed out comically from his tail and made him look like a far more exotic bird than he actually was.  

"Atonement!" The cardinal cried, shaking his new tail feather for his comrades to see.  

"So red!" A dove praised.

"Very shiny," the cockatoo nodded.

"Well, that's one down," Hawks said as he curled his left wing in front of his body, hands already running through his feathers as he carefully selected his next offering.  "Who's next?"

"Me! Me! Me!" The birds chirped in unison, a great many hopping up and down in their excitement to possess a colorful new treasure.  

"You don't have to give them all feathers, Hawks," you assured him as you frantically calculated how many birds you'd brought with you versus how many feathers he could probably surrender while still retaining his ability to fly.  "I know you need them for your job."

"That's true," Hawks nodded as he plucked out another feather and presented it to a brown-headed thrush.  "But I also need to hold myself accountable for my mistakes.  The birds have very generously offered me a way to make things right, and I won't take this opportunity for granted."

You didn't know what to say so you opted instead for silence, watching intently as he methodically worked his way through the collected cages; respectful and solemn as he repeated the feather presentation for each and every bird.  

The photographer had been thrilled when he returned to set and found Hawks in place on set, lounging bonelessly across the pillars with a collection of raptors perched around him.  That excitement faded quickly when he saw the bare patches in Hawks' normally full wings, a far cry from the picture perfect style he'd be envisioning.

Hawks had simply run an admiring finger across the bright red feather tucked into an eagle's wing and proclaimed that 'He liked it better this way' and that was that.  The photographer began barking orders and the crew jumped into action, adjusting light positioning and turning on a wind machine to ruffle everyone's feathers just so.  

The rest of the shoot went by smoothly, and in no time at all you were refilling water dishes and loading up the cages into the back of the large box truck with the bird rescues' name and phone number stenciled onto the back.  You cranked the AC up to the highest setting and sank down into the faux leather driver's seat, enjoying the merciless onslaught of frigid air on your overheated skin as you buckled up.  

Peering into your side mirror, you were startled by the presence of the Number Two Hero illuminated in the red glow of your taillights.  He was leaning out of the studio exit, a small smile tugging at his lips and a hand held up in farewell while you shifted the truck into drive and rolled out of the parking lot.  The sharp shrill of birds complaining as you hit a pothole pulled your attention back to the road and away from Hawks' golden eyes; glowing brightly from the shadows.     

It was hard not to think about Hawks as you cruised along on the empty highway, so you allowed yourself a brief flight of fancy; reminiscing about the scant distance between your bodies and the tangy redolence of his cologne.  

It would be a good story to regale your coworkers with over drinks and to pull out at parties when you needed to impress someone; the tale of a bird rebellion and how Hawks managed to both literally and figuratively soothe the birds' ruffled feathers.  A once in a lifetime meeting that you would think back fondly on, made ever more precious by the knowledge that such a thing would never occur again.

It wasn't like you to answer your personal phone at work, but it also wasn't something that had honestly ever happened before.  Your family knew your work schedule and your friends all belonged to the very reasonable school of thought where they would rather drink poison than talk on the phone, so any communication from them would arrive in text form.  Curious, you pulled your phone out of your back pocket and swiped to answer; stomach plummeting to your feet when your camera booted up and you belatedly realized you'd accepted a request to video chat.  

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit, " you swore, reaching to press the disconnect button as Hawks' beaming face appeared on screen.

"Hey there!," he greeted cheerily, face disappearing from view as he momentarily fumbled with his phone.  

"Hawks? " You croak in disbelief, quickly examining your appearance in the small facecam and hurriedly knocking a chunk of dried mealworm out of your hair. 

"That's what they call me!"

"Are you- is everything okay?" You manage to stammer out, impressed that you managed to say actual words and not a series of confused grunts.  

"Everything is fine!  I was just calling to thank you for all your help a few weeks back," he explained, the camera drifting off to the side to show off the sprawling city skyline.  Wherever Hawks was, he was up high.  "Word has been getting around to all the birds around the city and I've noticed a definite shift in their demeanor."

"Oh?  How so?"

"Well, for starters, they've stopped dive bombing me mid-flight.  And they aren't pooping on that statue of me downtown nearly as much as they used to.  Oh!  And a couple days ago a crow brought me a couple of soda tabs," Hawks said proudly as he reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out a leather cord with some aluminum pieces tied into the middle.  "So I turned them into a necklace!"

"Very stylish," you complimented sincerely, thinking about the box of bird gifted trinkets you had at home and how much each of those shiny bits of metal meant to you.  

"And I've taken to carrying around some food for them- bird seed and raisins, mostly; so we can all hang out and eat together!"

"It really sounds like things have turned around for you.  I'm glad."

"They really have," Hawks nodded eagerly, phone tilting off-kilter once again as a particularly strong gust blew by.  "And it's all because of you."

"I think you're definitely downplaying that cardinal's excellent negotiation tactics," you reminded him as you shuffled a few papers across the top of a nearby desk, trying to distract yourself from the sense of unease you felt under the weight of both his attention and gratitude.

"Speaking of negotiations, did the treats I sent arrive safely?  I would hate for this tentative peace we've achieved to crumble due to shipping errors."

"They did!" You assured him, spinning your phone around to point the camera at the large stack of express shipped boxes in the corner.  "The birds were very excited when they arrived, but now that they know we have such a huge backlog they just keep bugging me about getting snacks all the time."

"Sorry about that.  But sacrifices must be made in the name of peace," Hawks shook his head sadly.  

"I think you're a bit more knowledgeable about sacrifices than I am.  Are your replacement feathers coming in alright?"

"They've already fully grown back in, see?" He tilted his camera to landscape and extended one wing out to the side, fluffing his feathers to show off how nicely they'd filled in.

"Woah," you whistled in appreciation, cutting off the sound abruptly when you saw his cheeks flush, realizing how inappropriately he had taken your display of awe.  "That's ah- really fast for full regrowth."

"That's sort of my thing, you know.  Being fast," he smirked proudly before he suddenly froze, cheeks reddening even further as he seemed to sink his face down into the collar of his coat. "Well, uh- most of the time at least.  Sometimes I'm slow though.  When I want to be.  I can be reeeeally slow."

Deciding to ignore his floundering since he had so graciously let your own bout of verbal idiocy pass unmentioned, you frantically gazed around the room and found the perfect segue to shift your conversation back into neutral waters.

"Do you want to see what they did with your feathers?"

"They kept them?" Hawks asked, voice hitching in excitement.

"More than that; they made art with them," you cheerfully explained, flipping the phone around to show off the wreath hanging in the window a handful of weaver birds had worked together to craft; Hawk's brilliant red feathers tucked and woven amongst reedy pieces of grass and straw.  "Since there weren't enough feathers for every bird here at the rescue, they thought that displaying them publicly was more fair."

"Wow," Hawks breathed, impressed by both their craft skills and sense of equitability.  "They're really taking this union thing seriously."

"You have no idea," you laughed dryly. "They're starting to talk about collecting dues. "

It was strange how quickly you became accustomed to communicating with Hawks.  Calls were a rare occurrence due to how overwhelmingly busy he was pretty much every moment of the day.  There were multiple instances where you would be texting, sending funny memes back and forth to each other, and then mere moments after his last message was sent you would see him flash across the screen in a live news broadcast.  A blur of red and beige swooping in to pull civilians out of harm's way or expertly apprehend Villains without breaking a sweat.  

Knowing how full Hawks' schedule was made you even more appreciative of that evening he'd spent with you and the birds all those weeks ago.  You had thought that the feathers were the most valuable thing he had given up that day, but you now knew that his time was an infinitely more precious commodity.  

So you treasured each moment that he chose to share with you, regardless of the form it took.  Snapshots of cute birds he'd seen on patrol, lengthy personal reviews of what had to be every fried chicken restaurant in the city, and picking up the phone whenever he was free to chat. 

Even when that call came in at four in the morning, like today.  

"You should try to eat breakfast before you crash for the night," you reminded him, tone a touch scolding because this was not the first time you'd had to remind him to make time for a meal.  

"I don't like breakfast foods," Hawks grumbled, lip stuck out in a deep pout as he trudged towards his kitchen.  

"You don't have to eat breakfast foods, you just have to eat, " you huff in exasperation, grabbing a box of cereal from your pantry, hoping that a healthy dose of peer pressure might tip the scales in your favor.  "Cold pizza was invented for pretty much this exact purpose."

"I don't think I have any pizza," Hawks muttered, prying open the double doors of his fridge and examining the contents critically.  "I think I have the stuff for a sandwich though."

"Sandwiches are good.  They meet all the necessary desperation meal requirements."

"Which are?" Hawks asked as he shoved a packet of lunch meat into the crook of his arm and sent a couple of feathers in to grab condiments so he wouldn't have to set down his phone.

"They contain calories and don't dirty up too many dishes," you explain, hip checking your own fridge closed as you grab a carton of milk.  "Handfuls of cheese you eat over the sink are also a classic choice."

"What are you eating?"

"Cereal," you say, holding up your bowl of puffed grains next to your face for his inspection.

"Ugh, gross," he says, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

"I'm going to toss some berries on top."

"That doesn't make the cereal better, that just makes the berries worse, " he complained as he squirted a generous serving of mayonnaise across a slice of bread, paused, and then squeezed on some more.

"Hey, now!  If I wanted this level of judgment before the sun came up I would talk to my Grandma instead," you huffed, shoving a spoonful of cereal into your mouth and bringing the microphone closer to your jaw to subject Hawks to the loudest crunching sounds you could manage.  

"I- sorry," he sighed, shoulders drooping in exhaustion.  "I didn't mean to be so prickly.  Today was…really rough."

"I know," you said soothingly.  "I saw the News.  Even went to bed early because I thought you might call."

"Thank you," he says, voice small so it could slip past the emotions welling in his throat.  "For picking up." 

"Anytime, Hawks," you assured him, eyes darting to the time displayed in the upper corner of your phone screen.  "Literally."

You, 11:45am

"Hey, Hawks?  I have a question."

Hawks, 11:52am

"Of course!  What's up?"

You, 11:53am

"I've been wondering for a while now- how did you get my phone number?"

Hawks, 1:15pm

"I saw the rescue logo on the back of the truck when you were leaving the photo shoot."

"Called them up and told them how impressed I was with your professionalism and how I wanted to thank you personally."

You, 1:18pm

"And they just gave you my number?!"

Hawks, 1:20pm

"Yep.  Major breach of confidentiality.  You might want to look into that, actually.  

"They didn't ask me to verify my identity or anything!"

You, 1:22

"Gotta go.  I need to send a strongly worded letter to HR."

Hawks, 1:25

"Make sure to start it with a 'To Whom It May Concern'; let them know you really mean business!"

The familiar jingle of Hawk's custom ringtone only sounded for a moment before you were able to swap which hand was holding onto your grocery basket and fish your phone out of your back pocket. 

"Hey, there!" Hawks greeted, smile strained as he waved his arm around frantically at something off screen.  "Can I- Ugh!  Ask for a favor in a- argh!  Professional capacity?"

"Uh, sure?" You agreed, re-shelving a can of soup you were having second thoughts about.

"Great!" Hawks shouted in relief, pulling a flailing pigeon into frame, reeling back momentarily as he took a wing straight to the face.  "This little cutie has been following me for hours , trying to- oof!  Get my attention and I'm starting to get very curious as to their underlying motivation."

"Maybe she just wants an autograph?" You joke, snorting in amusement as Hawks dodged another hit from the distressed bird.

"I'll give her whatever she wants if she just- ugh ! Stops hitting me!"

You whistled shrilly, gaining the attention of nearby shoppers and the pigeon on Hawks' end; the bird stilling in his hands at your call.  "Hey, little pigeon.  What's going on?"

The pigeon launched into a series of urgent coos, head bobbing along frantically with her cries. 

"Are you sure?" You asked, eyes wide as she cooed in confirmation, heaving a relieved sigh that her message had been successfully conveyed.  

"What?  What is it?" Hawks asked anxiously, cradling the bird snugly to his chest now that she wasn't a thrashing mass of beak and talons.  

"She says, ah-," you pause, looking around at all the shoppers lingering about you with prying eyes.  Flashing them a wobbly smile, you quickly shuffle off towards the other end of the store, dropping your voice to a whisper in a bid for some level of confidentiality.  "She says that she knows where they're hiding all the drugs?" 

It's quiet for a moment as Hawks peers down at the pigeon in his hands with comically wide eyes before he shifts into a more professional demeanor; shooting a too-bright smile at you through his phone.  

"I've gotta' go now!  Bye!"

Your phone kicks you back to your home screen as he hangs up, leaving you staring at your phone; dumbfounded by the abrupt turn of events.  

A few days passed before you heard from Hawks again, and when the next call came in he wasn't alone.

"This is Cookie," he beamed as he proudly introduced the familiar pigeon perched on his shoulder.  "Get it?  Because you can't spell 'Cookie' without 'coo'?  And she's a pigeon? And pigeons-"

"-pigeons say 'coo'. Yeah, I get it," you groan miserably.  After years working at the rescue you had limited patience for bird jokes and were pretty sure you had heard them all hundreds of times by this point.  Unfortunately for you, Hawks seemed to have acquired puns as a second language and was determined to impress you with his fluency.  

"Anyway, it turns out Cookie has a real knack for surveillance.  She led me right to a massive distribution center that was operating right under our noses."

"Is it okay for you to be telling me all of this?"

"Probably not!" Hawks laughed, bringing a finger up to give Cookie an affectionate scratch at the side of her head.  "Anyway, I hope you weren't too attached to that dim sum place downtown.  It was totally a drug front."

"Wait- the one with the little ginger dumplings?" You gasped in dawning horror.

"The very same."

"And the chef-?"

"The ringleader of the entire operation, I'm afraid."

"God dammit!"

"So they pack me up, ship me across the country to some far flung zoo to talk to their penguin in person because he's, and I quote, 'camera shy'.   And do you know how that little gremlin thanked me?" You ranted into your phone, freshly clad in an old pair of pajamas with your skin still dewy from your flesh-searingly hot shower.  

"He threw up on you, didn't he?" Hawks said, poorly disguising his restrained laughter with a forced cough.

"He threw up on me !" You screeched, throwing your hands up into the air as you fell backwards onto the couch, accidentally smacking yourself in the face with the corner or your phone during your uncontrolled plummet. "Ouch!"

"You alright?" Hawks asked, voice muffled from your speaker being pressed into the couch cushions.

"Yes.  And no?" you sigh, rubbing a fist across the rising welt on your temple while you propped your phone up on your stomach, providing Hawks with the most unflattering viewing angle of your face as possible. "Just wishing things were different, I guess?"

"What sorts of things?" Hawks asked quietly, the distant beacons on airplane wings blinking methodically in the night sky behind him; false stars in a pollution filled sky.  

"I don't know.  Everything?  I wish I had a different job, one where penguins didn't vomit on me.  Or a different Quirk.  Just- an entirely different life, sometimes."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I thought," Hawks paused, allowing himself to carefully select his words.  "I thought you liked your job?"  

"I do.  Most of the time, at least.  But it also feels like I never really have a choice, you know?  Like, what else could I really do with a Quirk like mine?"

"You could always not use your Quirk," he said, gaze intensely focused away from his phone on some distant point on the horizon you couldn't see.  "Get a job doing something entirely different."

"I didn't want to when I was a kid- use my Quirk, I mean.  I wanted to be a doctor.  And a best-selling author.  And a ninja."

"Quite the triple threat."

"Yeah," you chuckled, thinking back on all the crayon drawings you had made, scribbles of a distant future that would never come to pass.  "But everyone said it would be a waste to not use my natural-born talent, especially since it's a moderately useful one."

"I've always wanted to be Hero.  For as long as I can remember, that's always been my dream," Hawks stated flatly, with the same lackluster affect of someone discussing the weather; an automatic response honed through years of systematic repetition.  "But I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah," he swallowed thickly, focusing his attention back onto you; eyes glistening strangely with reflections of the city lights.

"It's hard being… pigeonholed into a profession."  

"Hawks, noooooo," you groan piteously.  "We were having a moment!  And you ruined it!"

"I'm sorry!" He lied, head thrown back as he cackled.  

"I'm hanging up now," you grumbled, more amused than you were irritated but determined not to let Hawks know that.  

"Don't go!  I'll be lonely without you!"

"Cookie will keep you company.  Won't you, girl?" 

At the mention of her name, the pigeon poked her head out from where she was nestled inside of Hawks' collar, cooing her agreement.

"I still can't believe you commissioned a tiny visor for her," you snorted in delight at the miniature replica of Hawks' headset perched on top of Cookie's beak.  

"What?  She needed it!" Hawks defended, drawing his collar shut and pulling Cookie in more snugly towards his chest.  "Her eyes were drying out when I flew too fast!"

"Uh-huh.  Sure they were."

"They were!  And besides, she likes wearing it," he insists petulantly before he is carried away by a sudden wave of uncertainty.  "Right?"

"She does," you assure him. "Cookie really loves being with you, Hawks."

"Really?" He whispered, staring down at the bird in awe, who cooed happily and nuzzled her head into his chin.  

A quiet moment stretched on between you, silent except for the sound of your breathing and the distant wail of a car alarm.  

"For the record, I think your Quirk is amazing," Hawks said sincerely.  "You have this entire extra world you get to communicate with.  That's pretty special."

"I guess," you say with a sigh, pushing up into a sitting position with the naive aspirations of mustering up the energy to make it to bed in the next hour or two.  "But it's not like they're particularly great conversationalists.  Once Spring rolls around I just have to deal with listening to hundreds of voices outside my window screaming about how horny they are for weeks on end."

"You prefer a more subtle seduction method then?" Hawks asked, tone playful and also somehow entirely inappropriate.  

"Just a smidgen," you laugh nervously, steadfastly ignoring the frantic beating of your heart.  

"I'll make a note of that."

You had grown so used to looking at Hawks through your phone screen that seeing him in person, bursting through the doors of the rescue, was as startling as having ice shoved down the back of your shirt.  And that feeling of alarm was quickly upgraded to absolute panic by the fact that he was covered in blood splatter and cradling Cookie's limp and twisted body in his hands.  

"HELP!" Hawks yelled, eyes darting wildly around the room as he searched for assistance.  There wasn't even time for a single breath between Hawks spotting you and then him suddenly being at your side; a gust of air heralding his arrival before your eyes could even begin to try to focus on where he had been.    

"Please!  You have to help!  Cookie she- she's hurt," Hawks pleaded, his eyes wild as he cradled his injured friend to his chest.   

"Let me see," you ordered firmly, prying open Hawks' shaking hands to get a better look at the bird.  

"Cold," Cookie warbled weakly when Hawks' hands were pulled away from her body.

"Shh, I know sweet girl," you said soothingly, lifting her as carefully as you could into your own grasp.  

"Hawks hurt?  Hawks okay?"

"What is it?" Hawks asked anxiously.  "What's she saying?"

"She wants to know if you're hurt."

"No," Hawks assured her, voice cracking as he ran soothing fingers across a patch of disheveled feathers between her eyes.  "I'm just fine, thanks to you."

"I need to take Cookie now, Hawks," you informed him gently, "I'll take good care of her.  I promise."

"I know," he sniffed, wiping damp cheeks onto the sleeve of his coat. "I trust you."

It was hard witnessing Hawks' desperation; seeing someone who was normally a paragon of strength so visibly shaken.  It made you scared, having to be strong and brave; to help when a Hero couldn't.  

But you could be brave, just this once.  

For Hawks' sake.  

Just like you, the rest of the staff at the bird rescue had been cherry picked to provide the highest level of Avian care possible.  So while Cookie had been grievously injured with an absolutely staggering number of blunt force fractures, there was likely no better place in the city she could have been brought to for treatment. 

Cookie had made it through numerous scans and a long operation, but you knew that was only the beginning of her struggle.  Her road to recovery would be a long one, and she would likely never be able to fly as well as she did before after having the bones in her left wing nearly ground to dust.  But you couldn't bring yourself to feel too discouraged by that bit of bad news in the face of Cookie's near miraculous survival.  

There hadn't been anything for you to do during the surgery since you didn’t possess any sort of veterinary license, but Hawks had entrusted Cookie to you and it felt wrong to just leave her.  You knew your coworkers well and had the utmost faith in their capabilities, but you'd been determined to stay there beside her should the worst have come to pass.  

So you'd tucked yourself into a corner, already overwhelmed and ready to leave before the scalpel had even made its first incision. You’d watched as they cut and tugged and stitched; blood running and bones popping and Quirks glowing.  And dear lord, the smells-  

It was the absolute worst thing you’d ever witnessed in your life.

But Hawks had trusted you with this; to be where he couldn’t.  

And you wouldn't let him down.  

Hawks sprang up from his stolen chair behind the reception desk as you stumbled back to the front of the building, heartbeat thundering as images from the surgery clung to the inside of your eyelids; replaying with gruesome clarity every time you blinked.

"How is she?" He asked breathlessly, eager to hear the news but dreading the likely outcome.  

“Cookie made it through surgery,” you said, voice too loud as you attempted to make yourself heard over the ringing in your ears.  “She’ll survive.”  

“Oh, thank God,” Hawks gasped in relief, his words distant and muffled.  “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you said, waving off his gratitude right before you bent forward and threw up all over his boots.  

You, 2:14am

“Once again: I’m so sorry about the vomit.”

Hawks, 2:15am

“I told you, it’s fine!  Stop apologizing.”

You, 2:15am

“Never.  I am going to be apologizing about this for the rest of my life.”

“Every time we meet I’ll be like, ‘Hey, Hawks!  How are you?  Sorry about horking on your boots that one time.’”

Hawks, 2:17am

“Listen, at least this time you were the one throwing up on a bird instead of having a bird throw up on you!"

You, 2:18am

“You’re not a bird though.”

Hawks, 2:20am

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

You, 2:21am

“I want you to be ASLEEP.” 

Hawks, 2:23am

“Best I can do is propping up my feet and chugging an energy drink.”

You, 2:24am

“That isn’t even remotely close to an acceptable substitute.”   

Hawks, 2:26am

“That’s all you’re getting.  Take it or leave it.”

You, 2:28am

"Fine.  But I'm going to tell Cookie you're not taking care of yourself."

Hawks, 2:28am

"Oh, that's low."

You, 2:29am

"I literally threw up on the Number Two Hero yesterday.  I cannot possibly get any lower than I already am.  I might as well just double down and enjoy the perks of my new bottom dweller status."

You were changing out the bedding in Cookie's cage when she saw it.  

"Hawks feathers?" She warbled excitedly at the sight of the brilliant red wreath hanging in the window.  

"Oh!  Yeah, those are Hawks' feathers all right.  Good eye."

"I see?"

"Do you want to perch there while I finish cleaning out your cage?"

"Please," Cookie cooed eagerly, practically vibrating with excitement.  It was the most energetic you had seen her since her operation and you were happy to indulge her whims.  

"Here you go," you said, lowering her gently into the inner hollow of the wreath.  Mindful of her injuries, Cookie nestled down happily into the tangle of grass and feathers.  

By the time you had sanitized everything in the cage and tucked a warm water bottle into her bed, Cookie had fallen fast asleep in the cradle of feather wreath.  Heart melting, you crept closer on silent feet and took a dozen pictures at various angles and filter settings to send to Hawks later. 

You felt a familiar weight settle on your shoulder, needle-like nails scraping for purchase against your skin as the cardinal joined you in observing Cookie's rest.

"Is this okay?" You asked, knowing how important the wreath was to all the birds in the rescue and unsure if napping spot was one of the agreed upon uses for it.  To your immense relief, the cardinal bobbed his head in affirmation. 

"From each by ability, to each by need," he chirped firmly.

"'To each by need '…?" You echo suspiciously with narrowed eyes.  "Has someone been reading Karl Marx to you again?

"The proletariat has nothing to lose but chains!"

After many weeks of worried video calls and unapproved after hours visits that your boss chose to turn a blind eye to after Hawks made a hefty donation, Cookie was ready to be released back into Hawks' care.  

"So I need you to sign these discharge papers," you tell Hawks, tapping multiple spaces on the cover page that required his initials and signature.  "Mostly just standard release stuff, detailing the treatment plan listing the dates for follow up visits, etcetera, etcetera."

"Got it," Hawks agreed, having one of his feathers sign for him since he was loath to stop cuddling with Cookie for a single instant.  

"This one says that I've informed you of all the recommended follow up care."

"Uh-huh," he grinned, happily nuzzling his nose against Cookie's beak as his feather kept scribbling.

"This one says that we cannot be held legally responsible for anything that happens to her once she leaves the rescue."

"Sure," he agreed, chuckling as Cookie nipped playfully at his jaw; feather still dutifully signing away.

"And this one is the list of demands drawn up by Cookie's union."

Hawks paused, brow furrowing as Cookie continued to pluck at his beard scruff. 

"The what now?"

Hawks paced as he read through the notes you had typed up on Cookie's behalf.  As much as the pigeon adored Hawks and couldn't wait to get back to working alongside him, the cardinal had proven himself to be an incredibly persuasive orator and managed to convince Cookie to submit a list of demands.  

"'The Union of Working Birds, henceforth to be referred to as 'The Birds of Pay'', " Hawks snorted in delight. "-'formally submit the following requests.  Number one: guaranteed housing'.  Done."

"Didn't figure you'd object to that one," you said, having helped Hawks painstakingly pick out supplies to house and care for Cookie in his apartment.  

"'Number 2: food will be provided in compensation for labor and will be appropriately calculated by bird weight and provided daily'.  No complaints there-," he murmured, voice trailing off as he continued reading as he strode around the room; drawing to a sudden halt about five pages in.  

"The demands seem to shift a bit around number forty-tree," Hawks said, clearing his throat dramatically before he began reading aloud again.  "'The Birds of Pay retain exclusive rights for requesting avian-based employment with the Hawks Hero Agency'."

"Influence works both ways, Hawks.  Just like Cookie was swayed by the cardinal's talk of worker's rights, a lot of the other birds were really impressed by the stories Cookie told about you," you explained.  "At this point, you could employ an entire flock of birds if you wanted to."

The air inside your office was the perfect temperature, the thermostat set to exactly where you liked it and not a single degree higher or lower.  The furniture selection was a bit too fancy for your liking, polished marble and smudge proof glass where you felt tile and laminate would have sufficed for a fraction of the cost.  

But it wasn't your job to understand the aesthetic design choices of Heroes.  Your job was to mind the birds.  

"Songbird 2, do you copy?" You spoke clearly into your headset listening closely to the responding chirps; eyes glued to the live video feed playing across your screen.  "We have all the footage we need.  Return to the Aviary, over."

You breathed a sigh of relief as the blackbird chirped in acknowledgement, the video feed shifting from the inside of an abandoned warehouse to a wide expanse of sky as they began to make their way back toward Hawks' agency.  It had been a long day of staking out the area of an upcoming Hero Commission raid, but Songbird 2 was the last of the scouts still deployed.  The blackbird's return would herald the end of your workday, and you were excited to finally be able to go home indulge in the carton of ice cream you'd been fantasizing about for hours.  

"Home safe," the blackbird announced as it flew in through the window that had slid open automatically at their approach; the mechanism responding to the proximity sensor built into the standard Hawks style headgear each bird was equipped with.  

"Thank goodness," you smiled, pulling off the tiny headset and visor and setting them to the side for cleaning later.  "Your food dish is filled up and waiting."

"Corn?" The blackbird asked, fluffing up its feathers in excitement.

"Why don't you go check and see?"

The blackbird flew quickly towards the cubbyhole it had claimed for its own, one of many set into the large back wall; each filled with lovingly crafted nests and bright wooden toys.  You heard the distant cry of 'Corn!' followed by a chorus of shushing sounds from the birds that had been pulled from sleep by the blackbird's delighted cry.

Shaking your head with an amused snort, you move to return to your desk to log out for the day, only to run headlong into Hawks' chest.  

"ACK!" You screeched, reeling back in surprise from the impact.

"SHHHHH!" The wall of irritated birds hissed.

"Sorry!" You whispered sheepishly, channeling your embarrassment into making the glare you leveled at Hawks extra piercing.  

"All done for the day?" Hawks asked, unmoved by your display of irritation.  

"Yep.  Everyone is back safe and sound, the surveillance footage has been submitted for review, and now all that remains is for me to clock out and head home," you said as you wandered over to your desk, dropping down into your swivel chair to exit out of the last handful of open programs you had running.  "Do you need anything before I leave?"

"Can we chat?  For just a little?" He asked as he leaned against your desk, putting far more faith in the structural integrity of the tempered glass than you do.  "We haven't really had time to talk recently."

"I know," you groaned, heaving a deep sigh as you shoved your empty water bottle into the side pocket of your work bag. "I've just been so busy getting set up here and making sure the birds are acclimating well.  And then this big stakeout dropped into my lap and it's just been so crazy-"

"Is that- are you okay here?  I know Hero work is a lot sometimes and I just-," he paused, letting out a quiet huff. "I just want to make sure you're happy here."

"I am, I think.  It's definitely more stressful than working at the rescue, but I feel like I have more purpose here?  Like I'm more than just the person who talks to birds."

"Now you're the person who talks to birds with spy gear. "

"Exactly!" you laughed.  "It's totally different."

"I'm glad you're happy," Hawks smiled, one of his real ones that crinkled his nose and made your knees a little weak.  "I've been thinking about making some personal changes myself."

"Oh? What kind of changes?"

"Something like this," he mumbled heatedly, the shift in his tone prompting you to swivel both your head and chair in his direction.  

And then suddenly, his lips were pressed to yours.  Hopelessly chapped from hours of constant flying but oh so warm against your own.  It was short and sweet, a simple sort of kiss; but it stirred up so many complex feelings you were used to keeping caged up inside your chest.  

"That's quite the change," you whispered against his lips, trying to remember the exact sequence of steps required for breathing.  

"It's been a long time coming, I think."

"I wholeheartedly agree.  But I'm ah- not so sure I should be kissing my boss?" You remark apprehensively.  "I really like both you and this job and don't want to risk losing either."

"We set you up to work as an independent contractor, so technically you're your own boss," Hawks assured you, hands clasping your waist as he moved to pull you in for a second kiss. "And even if it isn't allowed, I'd absolutely commit some bluebird- collar crimes for you."

"Hawks!" You huff, swatting at his shoulder in reprimand.  "I can't believe you just ruined our first kiss with a bird pun."

"A kiss?  No, that was just a peck ," Hawks chortled at your pained groan.  "This is a kiss."

With a firm tug Hawks pulled your body flush with his as his lips descended, and with the fresh addition of his tongue and teeth you couldn't bring yourself to mind the puns all that much anymore. 

[ryartchus]

Poe making cookies and

He puts plastic wrap over the unbaked cookies and washes Karl's paw and presses it into the cookies with the plastic wrap overtop so the cookies have Karl prints

AWWWWWW 😭😭😭😭 id buy his whole stock

[cyncerity]

Just finished your new storeshifter au and, if I may add to the angst train, how long did it take for Sapnap to eat in the same place as his partners?

I'd assume he would have some trauma surrounding eating/chewing/swallowing near people after everything that happened with Bad and I would bet that sudden change in behavior would be extremely worrying to Karl and Quackity

ANON YOURE A GENIUS

yes absolutely, it takes a long while for Sapnap to get used to eating around people again after the Bad incident. Hell, he’d probably have a hard time eating. I think he’d play it off to Karl and Quackity as just wanting to eat by himself but then he’d go off and just…not eat.

also i can imagine this happening in the middle period between the fiancés leaving after the Bad incident and them finding the store, so they’re just traversing through the dangerous woods. Yknow, probably the least favorable place to be starving yourself given that you need energy to walk and fight off threats.

(tw for a little talk of fatal vore and digestion here, nothing canon just intrusive thoughts)

I can imagine that Sapnap has a hard time with swallowing anything for a while. He won’t drink anything warm cause it reminds him of his dad’s body heat when he swallowed him. He won’t chew anything because all of a sudden he’s back to the forest in that fight with that bird and it’s his dad that’s getting crunched in his teeth. God forbid he try eating any sort of animal; the first time he tried to eat meat after the incident it wasn’t fully cooked and the blood in his mouth sent him into the worst panic attack of his life.

Worse yet, when he does have a full stomach, the sounds of him digesting his food make him want to sob. Countless times after the incident he had tried to force himself to eat. After all, he was the only one of his trio who could fight, he had to get over himself and stay strong for them. But every time, he’d dream of a scenario where he hadn’t been lucid enough to let his dad out, where he had died within him, and they only sounds he’d woken up to were the gurgles of his own stomach and he couldn’t handle that.

He survives solely on water for as long as a living being can. Karl and Quackity notice him getting weaker, but he pushes off every attempt they make to comfort him. He doesn’t deserve to be comforted. He’s a monster.

Eventually he passes out and Quackity and Karl give him a very stern talking to, and he’s no longer allowed to wander off while they eat cause they want to make sure he’s eating too.

He has a breakdown when they make soup one night because now that he’s with them, instead of it being just his dad, it’s his boyfriends, too. He can almost feel them struggling and screaming, and the warm, full feeling in his stomach when he swallows only makes it worse. He won’t tell them why he can’t eat. They can’t figure it out, but eventually they find things he’ll eat by ruling out what he won’t. Nothing crunchy, nothing warm, no meat. Karl and Quackity begin to stock up on any berries they find, honey when they can come across it, and whatever roots they can easily grind into a smoothie-like mixture just to keep something in his stomach.

It takes a while for him to get over himself, and he probably still can’t properly eat some things, and he regresses a ton when he eats one of his fiancés for the first time (still trying to figure out how that happens but i’ll write it eventually), but after a while of Q and Karl being ok with it and getting more comfortable, he starts to feel better about himself.

[becca-bells]

Baby!

Summary: You feel horny af and can't wait any longer so you and George fuck while he's on a call with his friends.

Pairing: Fem! reader x Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Dream & Karl

Warnings: (18+ Minors DNI) Oral female receiving, Oral male receiving, exhibitionism.. Literally shit writing. Massive warning for that.

You were laying the the bed you shared with George. He had been in a call since 9am; it was currently 10pm. A total of 13 hours. They didn’t give a sign of stopping anytime soon. Usually you’re alright, but around 5 you were watching video’s of George. 

You started to feel a wetness between your legs. You thought you would just wait as you didn’t think their call would go on for so long. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were ready to get on your knees to beg for him to take you right then and there. You changed into a black lacy bra along with the matching panties and stockings. After hooking the panties and the stockings together you turn to the mirror, messing with your hair. Placing a bit of lip gloss to your plump lips to give yourself as irresistible look you walk towards his office door; hesitating before walking. 

You could tell instantly that he wasn’t streaming and that he had his facecam off. He didn’t hear you come in, resulting in shock as he felt your hands run down his chest close to where he wanted you. He has been trying to get off this call so he can come fuck you. You bet him to it. 

He turns around upon seeing your attire hugging you in such a gorgeous way and the way that bra made your tits look; his jaw dropped. 

Completely taken aback by your outfit choice; he wasn’t complaining though. You could hear yelling from your 3 friends; Karl, Dream and Sapnap. All yelling at him as they needed his help or they would die. “You better start talking baby. Act like I’m not even here, but keep that mic on.” you say smirking. He complies going back to his game with his dick growing, pushing against the restraint you would call pants. 

It was growing almost painful. So, when he saw you kneeling under his desk he almost moaned, only being reminded of the fact that he was still on a call with your mutual friends. Your hands tentatively ran up from his knees to his thighs then back down a couple of times teasing him as I slowly get closer to where he wants me. I reach up to unbuckle him and drag his pants down slowly. Lowering himself in his seat his dick leans against his lower stomach. Beautifully pink, pre-come leaking slowly down the shaft. 

You reach your thumb to catch it. Dragging it up slowly and rubbing it around the tip making George bite his hand to stop him from moaning. After teasing him a litte you decide to a lick from his balls to the tip following the vein underneath. He mutes his mic letting out a satisfied moan. Instantly pulling away from him you look at him in the eye “You turn that mic off again and I’ll leave you sitting here with a hard dick. Do you understand me?” He would never let you treat him like this as he’s the dominant one during sex, but he was so desperate he allowed this to continue. 

You wrapped your mouth around him sucking on the tip. You could see him struggling to hold his moans in occasionally adding to the conversating “y-yeah th-that sounds GReat”. You can here them all asking George if he’s alright after hearing the obvious change in tone and stutter when he would talk. As he was saying he’s fine you decide to deep throat him, letting his tip hit the back of your throat not gagging as you have no gag reflex. He groans into the mic, coming up with a quick excuse that may have consisted of him saying he just bumped his knee into his desk. He glares down at you catching on to the fact that you did that on purpose.

You giggle knowing the real reason as to why he had let out such a loud groan. He was so close, but didn’t want to come in your mouth wanting to fuck your pussy till you were dripping with his cum. He pulls you up by your hair to stand with him. He completely forgot about his chat with the boys and the fact that they could definitely hear everything going on. He pulls your face close to his and tells you to “open your mouth.” You do so willingly waiting till you see him spir in your demanding that you swallow it. You do with no arguments being his “good little girl”. 

He sits you on his desk accidentally your back hits some of the keys turning the facecam on. Karl, Dream and Sapnap all watch with wide eyes as they hear him telling you that you’re “a good little slut… a pretty little cum dump aren’t you?”. They are shocked and rightly so as his face gets closer to your pussy the headphones become disconnected. Unfortunately, because you’re so in the zone you don’t hear any background noise, only paying attention to the Brit that was about to go down on you.

He heard the though, he knew they were watching how good you were for them. So, he grabs your chin pulling you close so he can whisper in your ear asking “The boys are watching can you put on a good show for them baby? Make them cum but knowing they can’t have you because you’re mine and mine only?”. By that time the others had their dicks out shamelessly stroking. You shyly nod your head agreeing with his proposal. 

He lifts you in the air raising the seat so the boys could see him devour you. He turns the the camera and asks them if they want to see him eat you out. Dream and Sapnap groan “Yes yes eat her out. I wanna see how good she can be for us.” While Karl is sitting their whining 

“George please I wanna see her cum.”

You’re obviously very excited. Your boyfriend turns and goes right in swirling his tongue around your bud. His lips every so often kissing and sucking at your soaked cunt. You can’t exactly make out what is spit and what is your slick, but to be honest your can’t make out anything other than the fact that George is eating you like it’s his last mean, and your friends are watching; obviously enjoying the show you’re putting on. 

Your porn worthy moans spur your boyfriend and your friends on causing the all to moan too. The vibration from George moaning sends a shiver up your spine. You feel the pressure inside you immediately warning him that you’re going to cum, but before you can he pulls off your pussy. You whine as you wre so close “I-I was so close why did you stop” you pout tears forming in your eyes. 

“Awww” he says “You cry so pretty for me slut, but you will not be allowed to cum until you get the okay from all three of them.” You nod your head. He goes back in, you quickly feel your orgasm approaching. Begging you look at Karl knowing that he was the most submissive and easiest to persuade. “Karl baby please let me cum sir, I’ve been so good for you. I’ll be your good girl please baby.” You honestly probably looked pathetic, but you didn’t care at all to be honest. All you care about is chasing that orgasm that is quickly appraoching. 

With a groan he nods his head repeatedly saying “yes yes yes you can cum.” 

You feel George grin around your pussy “That’s only one baby. You need permission from them all.” You quickly turn to Sapnap assuming he would be easier to persuade than Dream so you pout and look at him in the eye “PLEASE Sir, I need to cum for you. Need to show you how much of a good girl I am PLEASE Sir, please let me cum sir.” He couldn’t resist and said yes. 

You finally turn to Dream. You knew he was going to be the hardest to convince, but you had to try or you could kissing your orgasm goodbye. “Dream please let me cum sir, I’ve been such a good girl for all of you. Please let me cum” You were so close, if he didn’t let you cum soon you were most likely going to be punished which is most likely edging all night.

Dream looks at you in the eye before saying “I don’t think you deserve to cum right now slut. How about you beg some more.” Your eyes widen not really expecting him to talk to you like that. Not that you didn’t like it, it’s just that it was a surprise. You could feel George grin again so, you decide to open your eyes in a doe like manner, bottom lip sticking out as you beg Dream to let you cum. “Please dream I wanna be your dirty little cum slut. I wanna be used as your cum dump. I’ll do anything for you sir, please just let me cum. I promise that I’ll let you use me however you want just let me cum please! I am so close sir.” 

He couldn’t resist and said you can cum. You instantly relaxed letting everything pent up out. You moaned so loud you’re sure the astronauts in outer space could have heard you. George finally stops kissing your thighs before turning the chair sideways so they could see you and George. Stepping out of his pants he lines his dick up with your pussy. Diving in hard and fast. Not allowing you anytime to adjust. No matter how many times you and George fuck he will always fill you to the brim. 

He’s fucking you at full speed. His friends can be heard moaning and groaning getting close to their orgasm. You’re so close, but something feels completely different about this orgasm. Your orgasm crashes through like a freight train. White starts filling your vision. Coming back to your senses you realise that you’ve been out for a little bit. George has cum inside you and his bottom half in completely soaked. You blush realising that you squirted all over him. His friends all finish with load moans of your name. 

You decide to put on one last act for them. Allowing George to pull out completely you turn so you’re on your knees bent over. Using your fingers you widen your pussy feeling George’s cum drip out and down your thighs. You turn after taking a swipe of his cum onto your fingers sucking on said finger. You hear all boys groaning Sapnap saying “Jesus christ. George I hope you’re sharing when I come over there.” Karl and Dream both agreeing with Sapnap. 

George chuckles “Of course as long as my girl is up for it” you giggle a little nodding your head excitedly. 

Sapnap, Karl, and Dream all book their tickets at that very moment for the next day. Saying something along the lines of “I can’t wait any longer.”

[jetslay]

RETURN OF SUPERMAN 30TH ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL #1

Written by DAN JURGENS, LOUISE SIMONSON, JERRY ORDWAY, and KARL KESEL Art by TRAVIS MOORE, DAN JURGENS, BRETT BREEDING, JON BOGDANOVE, BUTCH GUICE, TOM GRUMMETT, and DOUG HAZLEWOOD Cover by DAN JURGENS Variant covers by JOHN GIANG, DAVE WILKINS, FRANCIS MANAPUL, and BEN OLIVER 1:25 variant cover by BRAD WALKER 1:50 variant cover by JON BOGDANOVE Foil variant cover by DAN JURGENS ($10.99 US) $9.99 US | 80 pages | Prestige | (all covers card stock) ON SALE 10/31/23

Superman returns! After the tragic events of more than 30 years ago, when Superman met his end at the hands of Doomsday, Metropolis mourned the loss of their greatest hero and soon turned their attention to the search for his successor. Four Supermen rose to the challenge: Superboy, Steel, Eradicator, and Cyborg Superman. Each with their own strengths and weaknesses, they fought in honor of the original Man of Steel. Little did they know, his return was just around the corner! To celebrate the Reign of the Supermen and Return of Superman, DC has brought back the original creative teams for new stories set in the wake of Superman’s death. It all begins with new Daily Planet editor-in-chief Lois Lane discovering Perry White’s journals from the time and the secrets he kept as he searched for who could be the next Superman. What could this discovery mean for our present? Find out in this special that’s sure to be a classic in the future!