#LISTEN YALL I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IF IT TIES

[jrwi-transgender-swag]

yall are against me, this is harassment /j

[kvthgok]

Pain In the Ass | Miguel O’Hara x Teen Spider Reader (Platonic obv)

Warnings- none

Summary- Miguel scolds you for going on a mission he told you not to go on but you had enough of it

Side note- OMMLLL I HAVENT WROTE IN SOOO LONG IM SO SORRY YALL 💀🙏. ANYWAYYYSSSSSSS this one takes a lil just a lil turn Yk 🌝 OKAY ILL SHUT UP ENJOY THIS OR DONT IDC 🤍 (Not Proof Read hehe)

Miguel was always busy with dealing with a multiverse falling apart, so he didn't have much time to deal with his rebellious kid.

Basically you.

Miguel was standing on the platform where he was looking at all the floating holographic screens , not realizing that his kid had once again escaped for like the 100th time today. . .

"Chinga tu madre. . ." He muttered and groaned to himself when he noticed that you weren't in your usual spot in his big “man cave’” as you would call it when you were younger

Miguel took a deep breath.

He sighed "Lyla, where is my kid?"

Lyla appeared, “tsk tsk your always losing your her Miguel” she said annoying him

Miguel pinched his bridge of his nose, “just tell me where she’s at lyla” clearly getting pissed off

Lyla rolled her eyes in her normal sassy way, “she’s in another universe fighting an anomaly—you know the one you told her not to go fight” she said looking up from her phone

Miguel rolled his eyes, "I give this kid one rule... "Pendeja, I told her to stay away from that anomaly!“" He muttered under his breath.

Miguel sighed, wondering what he had done to deserve having such a rebellious child

"Lyla, call the others. Make sure they know there is an anomaly in that universe."

Miguel sighed deeply, annoyed at how his daughter constantly disobeyed him.

"I didn’t sign up to be a father to be disobeyed constantly. I told her to stay away from that anomaly and now she’s in trouble. She never listens to a single word I say. She’s so impulsive, I swear to god..."

Miguel clearly irritated from my rebellious actions opens up a portal to that universe you were in

He saw you flying and fighting the anomaly. He had to admit it for my age you were better than the other at the Spider Society.

After a few minutes you got done and tied the anomaly up with your spider webs and you were about to open a portal back to the HQ spider society until you saw Miguel. “Oh hey” you said giving him a nervous smile and laugh “funny seeing you here” scratching the back of your neck. Meanwhile Miguel eyes were practically turning red he was super livid.

Miguel was furious as he walked up to you.

"I gave you one rule and you broke it. Now tell me. . . Why did you go to that anomaly after I explicitly told you not to?"

“Cause you told me explicitly not to go” You said

"And you thought that was a good idea?"

Miguel was still furious but he was trying not to yell."That anomaly could've killed you! There was a reason why I didn't want you to go near it!"

Starting to get pissed you said,“But guess What? It didn’t kill me” You went through the portal back to the HQ spider society carrying the anomaly and handing it off to another Spider-women with Miguel following through

Miguel was still angry as they both made their way through the portal.

"You know the rules... Yet you still can't manage to follow them. . . You know... I've been too easy with you. I need to actually do something about your disobedience this time."

"Give me your web shooters."

“What no” you scoffed turning around

"Hand. Them. Over. Now."

Miguel was getting angrier by the second. He wasn't playing this time.

"I gave you these to assist you with your duties and to protect you from danger."

"Obviously, you can't do that. So, you won't be needing them."

You mocked him, “yeah yeah whatever “ still not handing them over

You tried to pull away but failed as Miguel grabbed your web shooters and pulled them off. You were furious but knew better then to argue with him.

Miguel rolled his eyes.

"You could've just given them to me."

"...But no. You just HAD to be a pain in the ass and make it difficult for no reason."

He sighed.

"Lyla, make sure you keep a close eye on her for the next couple of days. She's clearly not capable of following simple rules and needs some level of supervision."

Lyla appeared and sighed.

"Oh great, this is going to be fun."

Lyla then turned to you.

"Miguel is right, you know. You need to do a better job at listening to him. I get that it can be tough having a strict father, but rules exist for a reason. You can't just go breaking all of his rules whenever you feel like it. That's not how it works, Y/n."

You glared at Lyla.

Lyla looked at you un-phased by your glaring.

"I'm just saying, Y/n. You could do a lot better at listening to Miguel, especially when he's asking you to do something that's for your safety."

"I know you're a smart kid and you have potential, so I'm confident that you can improve at listening to Miguel."

You completely snapped,“Look he isn’t even my father he’s just another version of my dad from another universe. My REAL father is dead in my universe. And Miguel thinks I’m some replacement cause he can’t accept the fact that HIS REAL daughter is dead. I’m not some sort of second chance for you to be a dad again I hope your remember that Miguel. If anything he’s the REAL Pain In the Ass for thinking he always has to watch me like a hawk everywhere I go”

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

"is that how you get out of situations like this? By fucking your way out of them?" and/or "do you really think youre in a position to give orders" with naib perhaps, I do love me a cheeky dom mercenary

You ever seen on man played so bad u wanna kiss him? thts me at most of the mercs i get , idk wht yall doing but the guy wearing the cat suit pls call me. Sorry if this is ooc i dont know much about him

Rated Explicit | Warning: minor pet play (he just calls you kitten LISTEN), bdsm like themes, tht one skin he has uwu

Send a line

The way he looks down at you is befitting to the theme of his attire, the clear display of power in the way he stands at his full height with not a single strand of hair out of place, his gloved hand petting your hair before gripping it when you attempt to pull away. His voice is raspy, “Is that how you get out of situations like this?” He smirks at the way you grip his thighs as he forces you to take all of him down your throat, “By fucking your way out of them?" He is being an asshole as this is just for play and not you actually being in trouble… Sort of. Okay, well, you are in trouble for your bratty behavior of late— You claim it is not your fault! You have been needy and Naib has been doing back-to-back matches, of course, you got antsy.

The rule is you can touch yourself but cannot cum. Only Naib is allowed to bring you release.

But… He has been so tired after every match! And you did not want to bother him, no matter how much you yearned to even hold him.

When he caught your room, the whimpers of apologies as you found release in by your own hand, your face buried in a shirt of his.

“Naughty, kitten.” Groaning as you finally can give him a proper blow job, greedily too as if you have been starved of the taste of him. “Fuck.” He had not intended to cum in your mouth but he too misses you.

The matches have been relentless lately, too many close calls or ties. The worst happened today with him being the only survivor to make it out via the dungeon. Smiley nearly had him dead to rights.

Naib is not a particularly needy person but he can be one who misses the affection given by another. You rather are good at bringing out a different side of him. Though right now he is being a disciplinarian, maybe given how you swallow his cum and then gaze up at him.

“Open,” You open your mouth, “Good kitten.” Petting your head then your cheek which you lean into, rolling your tongue to make a purring sound. Cute, licking his thumb as he wipes some of the cum that spilled from the corner of your mouth. Hooded eyes, your hands pawing at his thighs. 

“Bed. On your hands and knees.” Since you did all the work, the mercenary might as well put your hole to proper use. You wiggle your ass, head on the pillow and turn to look over your shoulder. His hands grab your cheek, preparing you as he gropes it before slapping your ass. You jerk forward but he snatches your waist, once again he slaps your ass.

A reminder this is a punishment.

“Breathe.” Then slams into you, one well-practiced thrust into your hole, he bends forward covering your body. Naib's hand grabs yours while the other grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls back making sure you do not keep quiet. “Go on, sing.” His movements portray everything he cannot find the words to describe how much he misses you. Slow and deep, savoring, filling the emptiness.

“Harder, please!” Because if he does not raw you into this damn bed, you might scream, “Fuck me, damn you!” Fighting to get him to move the way you know he knows how, what you imagined for weeks.

 "Do you really think you're in a position to give orders?” Dark, he pushes your head down before sitting up. The coat is tossed on the floor, the jacket too. Only the sleeveless undershirt, pants and shoes, and those gloves remain on.

“I'm begging here, Naib! I need you!”

“Me or a cock to reach where your fingers can't, baby?”

You cried out in frustration as he held both sides of your hips still, “I'm sorry, please, I just didn't want to bother you!”

“Do you think your needs are a bother?”

You stop looking at him as you know that is exactly what you felt.

“There wasn't a night I thought about being inside of you. How I am going to fuck you like I could get you pregnant.” He groans at how your walls squeeze around him at those words. “I neglected you. I'm sorry.” Kissing your upper back. “But you knew my rules,” You grip the bed sheets until your hands start to feel sore, “But I can postpone that punishment for later.”

[ranposgirlboss]

rubs my hands all maniacally😍

a little birdie told me that your requests are open!

i was thinking abt the bsd boys reacting to a s/o that eats the weirdest food combinations LMAO

i eat cheese puffs and hot sauce aND WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I ATE APPLES WITH KETCHUP BAHAH

anyways that’s all 🙏

BAJUAHJSGVHSABJGASHJBSAGHVSBJGASBHJ BRO IF U LIKE THAT EAT APPLES AND SOYSAUCE ITS SO BANGER!!! THE SWEET AND SALTY SAVOURY FEEL >>>> also popcorn and ketchup is so real

ALSO PROPS TO MY BESTIE FOR HELPING ME WITH SOME OF THESE IDEAS!! (mainly poes) THANK HER IN YOUR HEARTS BC SHE DOESNT HAVE AN ACC ON HERE!!!

i HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THESE OMG

chara list: tecchou, jouno, ranpo, poe and dazai,

GENRE: FLUFF >:))

i made them all little skrunklies in this >:))

-------------------------

TECCHOU

-IM SORRY IF I SPELLED THAT HORRIBLY WRONG I ALWAYS CALL HIM KATCHOW (-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)

-omg yall would be married instantly

-he has the papers signed

-FINALLY SOMEONE WHO WILL TRY SOME OF HIS COMBINATIONS!!!

-feels so understood

-if you ask him to try ur combos, HE WILL ALWAYS ACCEPT. A FELLOW WEIRD FOOD LOVER IN ARMS IS IN NEED OF HIS ASSISTANCE, AND HE CANNOT REFUSE.

-WOULD TAKE YOU OUT ON DATES AND GET EXTREMELY CONCERNED LOOKS FROM WAITERS.

-has had to protect you from jounos plots of world domination against weird food lovers and plots to murder you

-yall have a list of ur favorite food.

-so sexy

JOUNO

-(he looks so cute as a skrunkle anyways)

-haha

-run.

-dont even try to sneak it with him. he may be blind, but his other senses are at their prime and HE IS READY TO THROW HANDS

-"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, ONE TECCHOU WAS HARD ENOUGH I DONT NEED TWO GOD DAMN."

-might actually throw hands with you, like HELL JUST SMACK THE FOOD OUT OF YOUR HAND AND BE LIKE "n o ."

-so silly in theory but when he actually does slap it away it makes you want to beat him up so bad

-YOURE ASS BEST BE GLAD HE LOVES YOU OR HE WOULDVE TRIED TO KILL YOU AT LEAST 5 TIMES

-ugh i love the sassy skrunkle (ignore the fact he can kill you instantly)

RANPO

-WITH HIM, it all depends.

-it depends on how it tastes.

-because if it tastes actually good, HE WILL BE SO HAPPY

-"i knew you had good taste Y/N (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+"

-if it tastes bad to him tho...

-HE WOULD BE SO BETRAYED

-would look like you just insulted his entire bloodline real

-"Y/N, how DARE YOU MAKE ME, THE GREATEST DETECTIVE, TRY THIS."

-it would take a long amount of sorries and sweets to get him to forgive you.

POE

-ok ok so listen

-would probably see you eating the weird ass shit, blink a few times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, then go back to reading

-if you asked him to try it, he would be like "oh sorry i just ate a 5 course meal Y/N" (he's a terrible liar)

-but with him, you could probably convince him to try it 😈

-theres a very high chance he hates it, i know we don't know what their eating habits are like, but poe gives off picky vibes...

-would probably be like "w-wow Y/N thats uhm...that's really good for you Y/N................"

-would never try it again </3

DAZAI

-NGL HE WOULD HAVE WEIRD TASTE BUDS TOO

-I MEAN BRO LITERALLY ATE DOG FOOD AS IF IT WAS A CASUAL TUESDAY

-i feel like he would at least try them, and if he didn't like them, he would CHUCK THOSE BITCHES

-more as a joke then an actual insult, UNLIKE SOMEONE (jouno)

-swears hell pay for them after (he never does)

-one day you threaten to throw him across the room like your damn food he keeps throwing

-he threw extra food that day

-would beg convince you to try dog treats (fun author fact: i used to eat dog food when i was a kid. it sucked ass but i was hungry)

-YALL WOULD DO THOSE CHALLENGES WHERE YOU PUT RANDOM FOOD IN A BLENDER AND SEE HOW IT WOULD TEST.

-honestly just another way to bond with you

----------------------------------------

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THANKS FOR READING THIS SILLY THING I WROTE AND THANKS FOR REQUESTING ♡(ӦｖӦ｡). I ALWAYS CAN ACCEPT MORE REQS!!!! TYSM!!!!

i forgot to add tags the first TIME I POSTED BAHAJVGBHASGVGASUHJASVGHJABSJ

[tojivu]

PLEASE CALL ME [01]

a/n part 1 out of idk.. anyways this was so heavily inspired by phoebe bridger’s songs.. i’m so obsessed with her (=´∀｀) oh and also by a book i finished a long time ago but haven’t gotten over lol. i tried writing this in 3rd person pov but tbh it’s hard for me to display emotion in my writing if it’s 3rd person cus it’s like giving u instructions on how to feel 😭. I KNOW ITS 2023 OKAY I KNOW WE DONT LIKE 1ST PERSON ANYMORE BUT PLS LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT

warnings/tags barely proofread (i tried), if yall don’t like tis i’ll probably discontinue it LOL, childe x implied f!reader, sfw.

listen to chinese satellite by phoebe bridgers.

“Good morning.” Ajax is speaking to you, voice low. “It's a hot day.”

You were shivering, actually. Mornings were always cold no matter what the temperature was. Nevertheless, you nod and agree with him anyway. “Yup, isn’t it?”

You two were standing outside your house, waiting for the other to initiate the walking, to which you end up doing it. He follows behind, the path too narrow to fit the two of you—this was a familiar sound. Heavy footsteps you could only recognise to be Ajax’s only two metres behind you. You don’t need to turn around to know he’s staring at the back of your head.

Such a nostalgic feeling, you think. You and him have been passing by the same trees and the same brown-cream coloured houses for 5 years now.

“Can you believe that we’re graduating in two months?”

He doesn’t answer.

You repeat the question again and he finally responds. You turn around, curious as to what had gotten him so distracted; his phone is in his hand, he’s looking into it and it’s pointing at you—his bright yellow phone case pales in comparison to the smile he has on his face.

“Not even going to let me pose?”

“You don’t need to do that. Your morning face is enough.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You’re pretty when you wake up.”

It’s 6 in the morning. Ajax was never one to think before he speaks, especially when the sun had just risen 5 minutes prior. You ignore what he says, assuming he just couldn’t tell that isn’t something you say to friends.

“Sure.”

—

It’s 8:27 am. You’ve been sitting through an hour of English, and you swear you thought the subject couldn’t get any more boring than when it was in middle school. You’re spinning your blue MUJI 0.5 tip pen between your middle and index finger, ultimately failing after 5 seconds and letting it drop to the floor. It rolls away, farther than you could bend and reach for—a soft metal clinking sound is heard when you realise it’s hit someone’s chair.

The red and black coloured backpack on the floor next to the chair made it obvious where your pen had gone and who’s chair it hit.

You whisper-yell, “Hey, can you pick that up?”

Ajax turns around and looks at you and then the floor. You’re thankful as he picks up the pen, but then quickly confused as to why he just turns forward again—keeping your pen at his desk.

—

YOU: It feels as though the evening has been stretched, like time is in slow motion and not in a good way; because I’m looking at Ajax sitting across from me and we have not spoken. I have a cup of coffee in my right hand, much too sweet for my own taste; a cat drawn from the latte art I don’t remember requesting. I’m very sure I asked for a bunny. I’m very sure. I think I left my Math textbook in class. The trees look really lively or something like that, I don’t really know, I am making sure to look away from Ajax because I know he’s staring.

“What?”

“What what?” He acts like he wasn’t just staring at me for the past 5 minutes. “Is there a problem?”

“My problem is that you’re being weird today.”

His mouth is agape, too dramatic to be genuine. “That’s rude.”

I don’t know what to reply to him now, knowing that he’ll just continue acting stupid. My shoes squeak against the wooden flooring as I lean back in my chair, it’s evening now and I’m so exhausted. People from the high school three streets away from ours are filling the tiny place up, passing by our table and some stare at Ajax as they do. The oak tables that were empty just a half hour ago are now full of teenagers, this whole place is infested with us; behind, left and right.

It’s not weird for people to stare at Ajax when we’re out together. It’s not like he’s a celebrity or anything, but somehow every girl I know has heard of him or has heard of him from someone who has heard of him. It’s a big chain of people I find impossible to keep track of. If you mentioned his name anywhere, someone would definitely go “you know him too?”.

I’m drinking my tea slowly and quietly. A group of girls are laughing so loud my eardrums could burst. Another group of girls walk in and the familiar bell sound of the café entrance rings, and it’s no surprise they know Ajax too; he smiles at them, I can’t tell if out of politeness, when they walk by. They’re giggling to themselves and I can’t help but feel a bit lost.

“What’s wrong with you today?” He’s asking me as if multiple things aren’t wrong with him. Suddenly, I’m the one with the problems.

I don’t bother anymore, I think about that moment minutes ago over and over again and I have no idea what to make of it. That giggle wasn’t a “what a coincidence” giggle, more like a teasing sort, the kind your friends do when your crush talks to you.

“Nothing is wrong with me.” I’m lying. “I’m gonna go home.”

He is so clueless, so oblivious to everything it is paining me. Oblivious to the amount of girls that are looking his way in this very establishment, at this very moment in time. It makes me almost angry, somewhat, that he doesn’t know.

—

AJAX: It is 7 P.M. and dark out. I think she’s angry but she’s just slouching over, but I get some sort of sensing that she will explode if I try to talk to her.

“Helllooo.” I’m next to her now, and she doesn’t want to reply to me; her eyes are on mine, eyebrows furrowed and clearly sending a message: Don’t even say anything.

I feel myself smiling because she looks very adorable. She is much shorter than I am. When she’s angry, I’m never able to take her seriously. I don’t think I ever have. Oftentimes in her fits of anger I am caught admiring her, smiling because I think she is so dramatic. When we were 15 she once yelled at me for using her charger, and apparently ‘making her phone charge slower’. She is one of the angriest and most short tempered people I know, yet I think she pulls off the frustrated pout and narrowed eyes very well. It doesn’t matter much to me.

“I’m not gonna ask what’s up with you because you got mad when I did.”

She looks forward again and we are still walking. Her house is still a few blocks down. I think she’s getting tired, too. I shouldn’t have dragged her to get milk tea with me. This path is too narrow to fit the two of us.

I walk in front of her and I can hear her tongue clicking out of annoyance. I bend down and stretch my arms, “Get on my back”.

I feel weight shifting onto my upper back, her long hair is tickling my neck but I don’t mind. Her arms are tired, slow in their movements as they wrap around me too, her head on my right shoulder and she does not say a word in all of it.

“Thank you.” she is whispering to me a few minutes later, and I think I am getting tired too. My legs want to give out. They don’t because I don’t let them.

It’s another 10 minutes and I’m at her front door, unlocking it using the key in her wallet; her parents are on the couch and watching TV and I start to wonder what this would look like to them.

“Ajax?” Her mother turns her head around and is surprised to see me, considering I wasn’t calling to say I was coming over. I haven’t done that in months.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s just tired, that’s all.” I tell her and I try my best not to speak too loud in case the girl on my back wakes up. I can feel her breaths on my back, slow and controlled. I bring her upstairs to her room and I lay her on her bed. Her room has changed quite a bit since I had last been in it, her desk is much more organised than it was a few months ago.

I found myself rejecting her invitations to hang out in her room over the summer break.

I think if I were to be alone in a room with her for too long I would end up blurting it out. I would tell her I’ve loved her since we started being friends, and she’d kick me out of her house and never talk to me again. But now she’s sleeping and I think I’m okay, so I pull her blankets over her and whisper; “Goodnight, I love you”.

—

YOU: I have no idea what day it is. I feel sticky. I look around and after a few seconds I sigh out of relief, realising this is my house, and these are my bedsheets. I don’t remember how I got here, though, my uniform is still on and the last thing I can recall is me on Ajax’s back.

I reach for my phone but realise it’s dead. A post-it note is next to my nightstand, ‘You’re welcome for the ride back. Call me when you wake up You owe me’, and on the bottom right corner there is an ugly and disproportionate cat drawn.

He didn’t even have the courtesy to remove my socks for me, but I guess that’s fair because I don’t think I’d go anywhere near his feet either.

I plug my phone into my charger and wait. I don’t know if he wants me to call him, but I think I should, I want to.

28 days later and i’m back with this shitty fic — 130423

[alicemain0541]

hello, mechanisms enjoyer. who is your favourite mechanism. what is your favourite album. what is your favourite song. what is your favourite photo. do you have a favourite live recording.

I have already been asked lol but im happy to answer again!

I dont have a favourite mech but here’s some random facts. I was obsessed with ts when I first saw them and I spent like four months drawing nothing but it. I got into the mechs through Tma and jonny and he is such a bastard I love him (looking back on my dash you’ll see the dehumanisation of jonny in art I blog). The only mech ive cosplayed is raph in both her more humanly form and her more birdy form. Again ashes was someone I was already familiar with because of frank being in Tma (same with Jess and Jonny) and id heard about Tim through rqg mentions etc. I wish I had more to say about ivy, nastya, Marius, Brian etc but tbh I just dont. I love them but dont know much about them outside of the mechs and never felt quite so drawn to them.

My favourite album again isnt just one. Id say of the main studio albums its a tossup between tbi and udad. Again I love them all but I listen to those the most. Ttbt 1&2 are also constantly playing (lost in the cosmos was my top song in my wrapped) and I listen to them probably the same amount. Also Frankenstein oml I love you mwah im so normal about it and im totally not an English nerd studying classic literature at college😅😅😅.

I feel like favourite song kinda falls into the same vein as the last question. While i cant actually pick my top 5 (in my wrapped) were lost in the cosmos, Loki, ties that bind, underworld blues and sirens so think of that what you will. I said this last time but I have a chronically short attention span so often ttbt songs are the best way to get my fix without having to listen to a whole album. Im sorry mechs purists but most of the time i dont listen in order cause who can be asked with that.

I dont actually have a favourite photo but I’ll add a bunch of my widgets from my phone because ofc I had to make my Home Screen mech based. (Art by @reegis)

In regards to live performances I guess dttm. Its the first live performance I watched thats actually mechs. I love lashings a “totally normal amount” but considering thats more Carmilla era idk if it counts. Either way its those two and I know some of yall are doing amazing work cleaning up the audio and getting transcripts made so send them my way if you want id love to see them.

[myymi]

ohh if you can i would appreciate some tips!! honestly writers are so admirable we dont give yall enough credit🙏🙏🙏

well, for me to give you the absolute best tips i can to help out, i need to know what exactly you're struggling with when it comes to writing. there are about a million different tips i can give you for about a million different things and some of those tips will be completely useless to you

for now though, i'll give you the things that help me getting into a writing mood + general tips i give to new writers and if you still need further help you can explain what exactly you're struggling with and ill do my best to help out;

1) whatever you learned about formatting essays; forget it.

a common thing i see in new writers is they try to write it like an essay. which isn't a bad idea really, but it is restricting. your paragraphs don't have to be four or more sentences. they can only be one if you want. it's your story, format it however you want. you don't need to follow rules

2) listening to music

this is mostly for when you have that one specific scene in your head but have no idea what to do for the rest of the fic. listening to music and connecting the lyrics to the characters you're using is a great way to get your mind thinking. one song can give you several different ideas depending on how you interpret it

3) make sure you are in a good mood

personally, i cannot write to save my life if im upset or just generally having a bad day. i know some people can use creating as a way to cheer themselves up, but it just doesn't work out for me lol

4) if you don't need background noise, don't use it

it's pretty easy to get distracted when writing, especially when you have something new playing. if you do need background noise of some kind, i would advise playing instrumental music or that one movie/show that you've seen a thousand times and could quote in your sleep. keep your focus on your writing

5) brackets will be your best fucking friend when writing

one of the most important things about writing is keeping your flow going. if you find yourself writing sentence after sentence for a good while and then you suddenly hit a stop because you don't know how to word what happens next; throw it in brackets and write the scene after it. its the same reason why you're told to skip questions you get stuck on when taking a test. let your brain do what it knows it can and come back to the tricky stuff later.

6) you don't have to write anything in order

you don't have to write a story exactly start to finish. you can jump between any scene you'd like and find out how to connect it to a different scene another time. this kinda ties into the last tip in the sense that you gotta let your brain do what it knows. if you only know the beginning and the end then write those first and figure out the rest as you go. if you need to edit either one of the previous things then that's okay. there's no shame in changing things around, it's just how creating things go. sometimes change is needed

7) writing prompts

for new writers, i like to tell them to find a prompt online to write a story for before they start their own. using a prompt someone else made keeps your brain from getting overwhelmed, allowing you to focus more on finding a writing style that works best for you. using writing prompts also lets your brain find ways to contribute to a story without having it make everything while also figuring out how to put it on paper. it's easy to overwhelm the brain, so let it get used to writing before you start creating your own ideas. (this is also something i advise to people who experience burnout or just cant think of anything to write. your brain just needs a break from creating ideas right now, go and find a prompt for it)

8) word count

listen to me because this is so important; ignore the word count. you need to focus on learning, not how much you're writing. it doesn't matter if you only wrote 50 words when other people have fics well over 50k. ignore it. you are learning, you'll get there eventually. if you focus too much on how much you're writing you're going to stress yourself out and ultimately drive yourself away from ever writing again. treat word counts as milestones. start with 50, then 100, then 150, then 200, etc. let yourself work towards it slowly rather than push yourself too hard right out the gate. you can't expect to draw the mona lisa the first time you put a pencil to a paper, so don't expect to write thousands of words the first time you write a story. it'll take time, and that's perfectly okay.

9) analyze the shit out of your characters

this is easier when writing fanfiction, but take a few hours to learn your characters. find the content they're in and hyper-focus on what they're doing. pay attention to their speech patterns, their body language, their relationships with others, etc. if they're not in a scene, try to imagine they are and what'd they do and/or say if they were. it'll help out with keeping them in character when writing

10) if you get to a point where you can't write anymore even when using brackets; stop writing for the day

we have our limits. you will get to a point where you can't get another word down and that's okay. it doesn't matter if you've only written a handful of words, close your program and wait until you feel motivation hit you again. if you keep trying to force yourself to write when you just can't then you're going to burn yourself out. the most probable reason for this is writer's block, which means you need to focus on other things for a while. give your brain time to recollect itself. it's annoying, i know, but it's better for you if you just let your brain do what it needs to. it knows how to take care of itself, so let it.

i also have a tag i use whenever i give tips, so you can check those out as well to see if anything helps! it's just writing tips

[the-s1lly-corner]

Do you have any general baptiste and/or Cassidy hcs :0

General Cassidy headcannons

Ohohohoh this is gonna be fun! Especially since a lot of these are my old headcannons from yeeeeears ago

Obligatory, apologies for any mischaracterization, as my silly little brain is still yet to catch up on all I've missed + digest it so!

Yeah! Unfortunately I have no headcannons on Bapsite.... yet...

Most of these are more lighthearted n stuff!! Because I love small hcs like thar

Obligatory he listens to country and folk music, though I dont think hes that picky with music in general

Yk that scene from Tangled where Eugine is tied up and he tries to RIZZ rapunzel into letting him go? Yk... the face?

I believe with entire fiber of my being hes done that at least once... now if he was successful is up to interpretation

Snores. Loudly. You know the loud snores only fathers seem to possess? That's what he's got

On good days where his humor is up he makes unholy variations of yall/yaint... hell I'm in the south and I cant even begin to break down how to spell his evil combos, but just imagine that any word hes gonna try to combine with yall

Surprisingly a good cook, but a horrible baker. Bro can make a mean stew

Has the softest hair, probably only uses dawn dish soap to wash his hair/j

"Well it works on the ducks"/j

Secret sweet tooth, dude probably had a hoard of them somewhere at sometime

[blvckdress]

𝐃𝐋 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬

Based on this post by @besnella bc it's hilarious

also im a homie hopper so im exempting myself :3

jk all jokes tho this isn't that deep

Shu stans:

this guy be the most lazy asf guy having the craziest fans

u guys rlly be out here

t o x i c

and for what honestly

tho ill give it that u guys are so unbothered by reiji stans

its very on character

and funny

you guys unintentionally make him funny

and make him a lowkey prodigy that breathes and immediately cures aids

tbh tho its less obvious to point out who a shu stan is

like yeah yall post him and what not but the other s stans are way more obvious

ultra specific but some of u are not down with the shu x edgar ship and to that i ask why

u guys have read song of achilles i know you have

every blonde man on pintrest reminds you of him

i know dont lie

u guys are hella fierce

i congratulate the fact that he always ranks high on polls bc of u guys

u find his laziness hot

like his voice and the way he smirks while not giving a single crap abt life is the biggest turn on and you know it

u like european men and european aesthetics in general

cottage core peeps to the max

like i know it

you know it

this is just fact

u frequently fantasize abt listening to music together

u find guys who listen to music hot

Reiji stans:

i agree with besnella on this one

yall are the most chill ones in the fandom by far

there are a few loose canons

but anomalies amirite

anyways for the most part yall mind ur own business

ur fanfictions make him more hot

u guys also make him unintentionally funny

and intentionally funny

bc he is literally one of the funniest characters imo

ur ocs r usually dark academia girlies

every dark haired guy on pintrest reminds u of him

unless theyre reading a book so either him or ruki

some of yall hate shu not bc u have any beef with the character but only bc shu stans shit on reiji

and then there are those of u guys that have beef with shu

yall def suffer from second lead syndrome most of the time

if u like reiji u def have a type

like it shows u have a type

u guys have a degredation kink

dont lie pls

u do

admit it

all of you collectively agree on most of ur headcanons

yall portray him the most accurately

Ayato stans:

ok

so honestly imma break it down here

ayato is a trojan horse in the fandom

almost everyone who is introduced has him as the favorite bc he screams post boy material and is easily the most marketable

but after getting through the gates of troy, that is when fans look at new characters and immediately stan them

if u stan ayato ur o b s e s s e d

this man could cause a genocide and yall would blame it on the fact his mom threw him in a 4 foot deep lake

nah fr tho yall will defend this man to the death

ur more big on the yui ship

like stans of the other boys usually just talk abt the boys but yall collectively jump on the ayayui train

yall will give ur ocs dddddd cups

ur ocs will also get random nicknames

yall find his stupidity the most endearing thing imaginable

Kanato stans:

HOHOHO

u guys are smth else entirely

yall hype him up like there is no tomorrow

oh and its so obvious ur a kanato stan

if ur a kanato stan it just shows

did i say reiji stans are more in character?

i changed by mind

its yall

like fr tho

u want the world to know how creepy he is

u guys are horror movie fanatics

especially old slasher films

noir films especially

cough cough nosferatu cough

u guys are def true crime ppl

and yall are into femboys

he is ur poster boy for androgyny and mental illness

his aesthetic makes yall bust

gothic lolita stans = kanato stans

yall break ur backs defending that man's looks

for some reason his piss baby attitude turns u on

submission kink

yall associate him with bussin dessert

food kink

all of you collectively associate him with melanie martinez

Laito stans:

u guys are hella smart

like ong

almost every analysis blog in the fandom is tied to him

yall flex that u - arguably - stan the scariest, most sadistic, most compex character in the game

tho sometimes yall be reaching

just a little

yall go through it

fr

i get worried for yall

his biggest appeal for u guys is def his backstory

it makes yall sad af

all of you collectively agree he can speak french

u guys are honestly pretty divided a lot of the time

but for the most part yall agree on basic things

Subaru stans:

def 2015 tumblr vibes

yall associate him with emo shit

unironically funny

yall flex that he is one of the "good" ones

all collectively agree he is albino

flex that his mom is the most sympathetic

flex that he is the hottest one

yall just be flexing

make him blush alot

ayato or shu is ur second favorite

yall make him ooc but are super unapologetic abt it

admirable tbh

flex that everyone feels bad for him

like obvs everyone feels bad for all the bros

but yall know that he holds that one reedemable quality of being a mama's boy

yall flex that he is a mama's boy

[pinkpicket]

What do you need to let go?

Ok, hi it has been a really long time since i posted last time. BUT IM BACK! and im about to spoil u all.

So what do u need to let go to finally start moving, to stop being stuck? Bc trust me ur not the only one that been feeling like this (me too) especially with the retrograde season coming ( 7 planets in retrograde man we are so done).

Choose ur pile wisely between

(i love women as u can tell)

Pile 1

So ur my babes. You all are carbon copies of me, bc my friend, you and i we struggle the same, we drink the same poison, everyyyyday and night. U see we are too much of hopeless romantics with too much of optimism and need (infinite) amount ot expectations of love. But you see that's our biggest most stupidest characteristic, bc in this age and time of situationships and all this new bullcrab, love is hard to come by. The things whether it's love, appreciation, and that sole amount of focusness almost doesn't exist ( it does dont worry and will probably find it one day but baby the time is not now).

Our night with his shinning armor is not here yet, he might take a bit longer than the average ( he needs to hurry the fuck up or else i as in we will lose it ) nor is our happy ever after. I feel like we have so much left to do, so much left to explore and experience within ourselves and outside that the universe or whatever thats planning our fates is saying that it's too soon for him to arrive yet.

So my advice? Chill out. Let go of love rn. Focus ok urself. Ur happy ever after and true love is yet away. So enjoy this state that ur in. Embrace yourself. Go out more. Show ur self more( maybe post on ig bro?)

Pile 2

Okay my lazy pile is here. U see babes y'all need to understand that money dont grow on trees nor do they fall from the sky.

Oh so you want success and money? That's great. Very much possible but not with the way ur living rn. Bro ffs put ur talents into work ( i see this pile as people with too much of good placements in their charts TOO GOOD almost to a point where it made yall lazy) so yes, u can have all u been "manifesting" but not by sitting on ur ass all day long and writing in ur little manifestation notebook all the wishes u have. Bc idk if u know but this is the material world, this is saturn world and u know what saturn loves more than anything? A hardworking humble babe. So pls shift ur perspective, ur hands are not tied, your just being lazy. I love you but this a hard truth that ur pretty ass needs to hear (u give of harddd harddddd purva phalguni vibes lmao)

Pile 3

So you seem to mirror pile 2, but very different too. Different sides of the same coin. U r afraid, very much but listen here what u need to do: LET GO OF THAT. start being more spontaneous, take risks TRUST ME IT IS WORTH IT.

Take risks regarding what? Money. U need to ask for more. U seem like a very shy person, u take what u given even if it is just crumbs. But enough is enough, it's about time you start demanding what u deserve.

And the best thing? U will be given what you ask for. Now this could be from anyone, mostly i see a male figure but could literally just be im general, you know how when u are familiar with something so u r adviced to start small and familiarize your self with the said thing? Yup, this is the same thing. Gradually learn to ask for more. Let ur childish side show (look how adorable kids are when they ask for something, u know why they're adorable? Bc they're nit afraid to ask, they never faced rejection after all. Maybe that's just what u need).

Now why start asking now? Bc whatever this thing is that ur lacking, it is holding u back. Unlike the others piles, it is ur lack of something thats holding you back. You will especially need this maybe for a project? Something artistic, maybe it's just that the lack of this thing in ur life is holding back ur creativity and ur light. So start asking, even if it's small. Trust me you deserve it.

Pile 4

Stop it. Stop acting like you dont care. Drop that mask off, this nonchalant attitude is not getting you nowhere. Humbleness looks best on you. Get down from ur high horse. Stop being so afraid to show ur real self. Bro trust me being a stuck up mask faced, real self hiding babe wont get you anywhere. Stop being so offended. Lmao ur pile has the most to let go. So i will keep it short and simple- be humble. Ur ego is not taking you anywhere u wanna be at. Trust me.

Also yall dont take none of this personally. Dont shoot the messenger im just delivering what im told.

So peace out, bye.

Oh also this has shit ton of grammatical and spelling mistakes but i have a combusted mercury in 8h ofc im dumb. Dont judge.

[zyonsay]

So my music club hosted a yearly event this year, its pretty rare that we get to host since we‘re a pretty small town and our music district consists of a shit ton of clubs. This event is divided into three seperate days: the first day is mainly about drumming, the second about the adult clubs and the third about each clubs youth band. Its a very traditional thing with uniforms, flags and discipline. Music clubs here are very closely tied to the military, even if most clubs are more relaxed and casual.

As the hosts we dont get to play that much since we are always running around doing errands, favors and taking care of our guests. BUT in the end all youth clubs play a few songs together, usually we‘re around 200-300 musicians.

There is this one club EVERYONE hates though. They are on the more serious side and compete a lot. The grudge against them started when they began entering competitions and entered themselves into a lower level category than they actually were, just so they‘d definitely win. I dont think i need to explain why that is shitty, but to put it briefly: its unfair to clubs who enter the right category, because next to a higher level club they‘ll always loose and never have a fair chance at victory. Im scared that this will happen to me, because my club is entering its first show in a long while and im pretty sure that other club will join our category for sure.

The main reason why everyone hates them is because they are REALLY arrogant. Like im saying they wont greet you back and talk smack about you right in front of your nose. Some of the members are really sweet but the general image of the club is just… terrible.

Anyways, today was the third day if the event and we got ready to play tigether with the other clubs. The only other alto AND tenor saxophones were from that hated club and since im the only one playing a tenor sax in my youth club, i was plopped right into the mass of red uniformed bastards. We shared the show with the drummers (also mixed up from all clubs) and when they played a piece, i obviously applauded cuz thats what basic respect is in our culture. (And i was incredibly proud of them cuz they‘re like 12 years old and did an amazing job) AND I SWEAR i got the biggest stank eye from the other tenor sax players. Like sorry for supporting MY club tf? Like those are kids, give them some recognition for doing well wtf.

But anyways, while the drummers were playing they also gossiped and talked LOUD ASF. Like yes, the people listening probably cant hear you over 100 drums but its still lacking a lot of respect, cuz its a fuckibg concert and if yall brag about being professional and disciplined then FUCKING ACT LIKE IT.

I wont list up everything else they did but if i tell yall they have me FUMING. I hate nothing more than arrogant, stuck up people who think they‘re better than you even though you‘re not even trying to be in their level. I hate fake ass butches and for all i know, they are.

[untraceable-ace]

Thoughts on “In case I make It” as I listen:

Gonna be a long one folks, I’ll put it under the cut

Tomcat Disposables: Tomcat Disposables my beloved you make me cry every time “What’s the moon made of?/Meet me there after I’m gone” SOBBING

Becoming the Lastnames: The piano gives me the same vibes as the piano in the Camp Here and There full songs (like MBYT and Venetian Blind Man) I love it

Cicada Days: Tied w Tomcat Disposables as my favorite single, literally so in love, forever happy that the intro is just kinda white noise mimicking cicadas and not actual cicada buzzing my spd is happy “and then my sponsor said do nothing, nothing works/and then my doctor said dont do that if it hurts” feels like a weighted blanket directly on my chest it’s wonderful

Euthanasia: Instrumental intro reminds me of a Days n Daze song; main verse melody is literally so haunting I love it

Falling Up: WOAH that felt like a curveball after Euthanasia oh DAMN the chorus slaps the acoustic makes the song feel really like, full bodied? Oh god after the falling up lyric it temporarily becomes a country song I’m not sure how I feel about that I just kinda had the mental image of a dude falling up the stairs the whole time during the chorus and tbh it’s a good one to have

That’s Enough, Let’s Get You Home.:  Oooh, I have a feeling I’m gonna love stim singing to this one once I get a chance to listen to it a lot more; OH I KNOW WHAT THIS REMINDS ME OF it reminds me of Cecily Smith from Fly By Night!!!

Um, it’s Kind of a Lot: I’d been thinking this one might have some sampling from Everything is a Lot (the song, not the album), but from what I’ve heard, there’s not any sampling from the song, but I think the piano parts are inspired by the album? Or at least it feels that way The piano def reminds me of the album piano vibes. Damn, Mr Wood has an obsession w tourniquets oh SHIT bridge/breakdown hits HARD hell yeah. Also, first appearance of brass so far on the album I think?

Half-Decade Hangover: omg guys he said the name of the song that’s the name of the song!!!/j OH SHIT SELF-ish REFERENCE This feels like something you’d hear at a bar w a piano on the stage for people to go up and play on

Vampire Reference in a Minor Key: Same thought process as Um, it’s Kind of a Lot; the title got me thinkin “o shit vampire culture reference?” But again I think I was wrong; Guitar do be bangin tho OOH he just did like a lil riff that reminded me of 6up 5Oh I wanna do a tango in a tight fitting red dress to this song

You Liked This (Okay, Computer!): it’s.....it says things??? Uhhh good commentary on society ig?? LMAO its not a song sorry yall

The Main Character: JAZZY AS FUCK WOAH I already wanna dance to this I think this might be my favorite song from the album “So god forbid I’m seen as an average human being” fuck man r you coming for me or what

Against the Kitchen Floor: FUNKNY ASS BASSLINE OH DAMN this one is literally so fun? I wanna swing dance w someone to this LMAO the end spoken bit I love when songs do that

Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll: I feel like I’d listen to this one when I’m sad, feels like a good one to listen to when I’m crying

Big Fat Bitchie’s Blueberry Pie, Christmas Tree, and Recreational Jell-o Emporium a.k.a. “Mr. Boy is on the Roof Again” (Feat. Pasta by Sneakers McSqueakers) [From the Motion Picture ”B.F.B.’s B-Sides: Bagel Batches, Marshmallows, and Barsh-mallows]: LMAO we’ve made a brief return to 30-word long song titles for this one fellas okay wait what the fuck is this LMAO wait okay okay vibing vibing 48 seconds of song for a 34 word long song title lets mcfucking go LMAO

Willard!: Feels like the main character’s power ballad in a musical; Wow yeah actually this is like- SUPER musical theater vibes damn oooh and I love the piano version of the Tomcat Disposables melody at the end

White Noise: The vocal melody on the chorus is muah muah chefs kiss This was a really good one to be the closer tbh AND OH OH the build up to the second chorus?? GOD that goes hard

Don’t worry everyone I’m sure I’ll be shitposting about at least one of the new songs later this week when I get a chance to hyperfixate on one or two

[troph4eum]

Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

[theblazewolf]

everyone wins and loses. its a fact of life.

but its been a tough ride this 2023 and it actually drains me to make a retrospective.

yes, looking at the good stuff objectively, ive done more than i couldve asked for. for the life of me i still dont know how i got more than a thousand likes on two paintings i didnt think would ever get seen. (simply proves to me that sometimes, social media is mainly RNG in disguise)

ive managed to maintain a consistent schedule of posting art; any art. quality may vary but that can be sorted in the near future. also ended up setting up a condo unit, drove by myself for the first time, attended my first furry convention since the pandemic.

once, for once, i was happier than ever being by myself. all that time alone was what i needed.

and im currently making a zine, and maybe other projects beyond that.

all things being objective, it was a good year.

i cannot forget the ones ive lost; the ones whose loss shaded this year.

my ex, my best friend, who i had to cut ties with, admittedly the source of my melancholy, drunken texts, and attempts at being civil, deep inside i find myself yearning for those days when it was okay for us to be idiots at 3am talking about dumb shit. but you find yourself watching the ties you set up slowly deteriorate, and nothing you do can fix it. seven years were way too long somehow. i still see them, but i know enough just to be civil, or to talk whenever youre needed.

my uncle, my mom’s older brother. my heart still breaks knowing he suffered a long illness. while we try to sing songs that he loved, we know the bitter taste of loss that cant be washed away in an instant. he was a staple at many parties that will never be the same again. i wish he saw his daughter graduate, or enter law school. i wish he lived long enough to be free of pain for just one day.

and my good friend, my fellow cities skylines 2/mekanism enthusiast; one of my ardent supporters. the voice calls will always have an empty spot for you. i will never let your tragic end overshadow the texts we had. I will live till im 30, and beyond. ive said a lot about you since your passing. somehow i still wish i was there to let you know we love you so much. take your rest, and let us know you’re ok.

also honorable mentions to budding relationships i tried to build but failed, another commissioner of mine who passed this year in the same week as my uncle.

i cant leave this year without thanking others.

my close friends, for listening to me scream and yap for 24/7 with unfiltered blazethoughts, and also reciprocating by screaming and yapping for 24/7 about yalls respective thoughts. thats friendship thats unbreakable.

my server, for being equally insane. all you 90% filipino/10% other people are so insane for accepting my invite to come and see me talk about random shit that god can’t allow. im overreacting when i say god wont allow what i say. but having a bunch of furry pals in one area is a luxury.

my gw2 guild, BURN, for the endless voice chats, helping me sort through the grief, the support and all the insanity you allowed this little lonely disaster entertain. i know we lost a lot, but we have much more to live for together.

my follows who have grown a LOT this year. your support keeps me going through and through. i love you guys.

see you in 2024.

-blaze

[zigzagle]

31•10•23

hey yall listen i have become an academic victim. i have not slept more than 6 hours the past two nights and im going on three. its been super hard to try to balance school work and a social life. ESPECIALLY ON HALLOWEEKEND HELLO? my coworker said she was goin out tn shes crazy for that. anyways, its been rought i feel like ill wake up ans just start doing hw ans stuff and then ill blink n im at work and ill blink again and im home doing more hw.

ABOUT THE REAL STUFF

despite all of these struggles i have been able to stay diligent to my routines, no workout today but i practiced my language and i did something scary! ( i went to my calc professors office hours to talk about my grades and they bumped me up a little!! so no longer sucking [as much]). not much ti say here just wanted to complain also i dont think its legal for my employer to have me work 5 hours with no breaks but im new what would i know.

youre doing great, im so proud of you anything you were able to get done today is something to be proud of.

t minus <12 hours to physics midterm 3

t minus 13 days(?) to ochem midterm 3

t minus 14 days to calc midterm 3

[uth0ttm]

lADS EXCITING NEWS

maybe,,,,

IM NOT DEAD CACKLING SM-

AND OH MAN

THERES A LOT 2 TELL YALL ABT WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE TIME THAT I HAVENT BEEN ON HERE

SOME SPICY THINGS HAPPEN IN THIS STORY BUT NOT SUS SPICY, SO ILL PUT TWS FOR WHEN SAID THINGS APPLY

ALSO THERES A TLDR AT THE BOTTOM FOR YALL WHO STILL WANNA KNOW THE STORY BUT DONT WANNA READ SM

So like,,,

Awhile ago now, literal months has passed by since I've been on here but, I had deleted Tumblr bc it was just taking up way 2 much space on my phone and I wasn't using it much, which is understandable yk. Get rid of the things you dont use often for space. So I did

Well in the whole process of that shit happened

Biggest shit I never thought would've happened in HIGH SCHOOL of all places like miss gurl this shit was wack

So last December I met a girl and her friend because I was hanging out with my then gf in the library, and I overheard this girl and said friend talking abt Resident Evil: Village (if you don't know what this game is by this point in time u are fr living under a rock my guy-/lh), and specifically about Lady D. And now I know I shouldn't have been eves dropping or continuously listening in 2 their conversation, but I honestly couldn't help it bc literally no one else except for maybe 3 other people would talk abt things like Resident Evil bc this high school was built in probably one of the most mormon places u can find in Canada that borders the States-

So for that reason, ofc I was gonna be invested in their Convo. Well after listening for a bit, I politely excuse myself from my then gf bc she was doing homework at that point n it seemed like I was just gonna be bothering her rather than having her also be excited abt these two other people talking about RE. Then gf let's me go over and so I honestly pretty timidly walked up to the two cuz they're sitting at a table in the library, and I asked if I could sit down with them and talk to them because I've never heard anyone else talk about RE in this school. I did also apologize for listening in bc the conversation they were having could've been personal life details, but it was all about RE when I was listening in, so at least I wasn't intruding in that aspect. Anyways, the two let me sit down and talk with them, and the both of them are really excited to have another person to have sit down with them and talk about what seems to be one of their fixations and so we talk for quite a while before having to go home. What I didn't realize is that this girl has been on my bus the entirety of grade 12, and even though I sat in the back and she sat in the back, I never took notice because I was more focused on my brother, who was in grade 9 at the time, and unfortunately (or fortunately, however you wanna put it) I am quite overprotective of said little brother. But also, when I say this girl sat in the back of the bus, I meant it was WAY back, and this is because she is permanently in a wheelchair. Now you may be asking "what's so important about that fact, why do you have to specify that?" Well I have to specify it for later on in the story because it ties into the insanity I faced later on in this story. So she's in the very back of the bus because we have the bus that's meant for people permanently in a wheelchair to help them get onto the bus, and once she's on the bus, the whole way back home I'm talking to her, and I introduce my friends I already had to her because she's a really cool person and I have no clue why I've never noticed/spoken to her in the first place.

Well fast-forward to only a few weeks later, we've become really good friends, this girl (who I will continue to call S) and her friend (who I will call G) have full on integrated into our friend group and are all getting along great with each other. Plot twist, or so I thought, because I found out way later on that my then gf had been going behind my back to 2 of our other friends and ranting about how jealous she was of S and how I had apparently been spending way too much time with her and G, and not enough time with her, even though whenever I'd go to spend time with someone, it was always her. I was stuck to her side as the loyal golden retriever bf. Yet she was going behind my back and claiming that I wasn't spending enough time with her and all my time was going to not S AND G, but only to S. She was getting severely jealous of S because she thought I was going behind HER back and was cheating on her with S. My gf at the time even accused me of such in private and I had to prove that I had never, would never, and could never cheat on her because I'm too loyal to do so, plus S had already stated that she was AroAce due to childhood trauma involving her moms bfs when she was little, because with her being in a wheelchair, she didn't want to end up getting into an abusive relationship herself, because she has no easy way to get out of something like that, especially with having muscular dystrophy. I told my then gf that as well. Eventually said gf believed me and things were smoothed out, at least I thought so, but as time went on, then gf was still very jealous and still going behind my back and saying mean things about S.

So fast forward to April of this year. I'm really excited about this month because the 23rd of this month would have marked mine and said gfs one year anniversary, so ofc I was excited. That and at that point S and G where really close friends of mine, especially S because we found we had a lot of the same interests as each other, and even if we didn't, whatever interest the other wasn't into, we'd still hype each other up about it and state how cool it was even if we personally weren't into it (and this is how she got me into the band Ghost all the way back in January, but that's another story for another time-). Well, I was also excited about April because about a week prior to it being April, student council had announced they were gonna have a talent show event, and I didn't know this but S was gonna be in it! When she told me I was really excited about it because she's a real good singer and she knows all about music because that's what she's good at besides art. So she's telling me all about it because she came to ask me what song, specifically from Ghost, she should do, and when I gave her a few suggestions, she deliberated on them and had chosen Life Eternal. After a little while of us talking, she had also asked if I would perform with her so that it would be a little less freaky to perform in front of the whole school, and although singing in front of people scares me (I'll only do so in front of my brother and people I'm really close to usually), I agreed to sing with her because I will do anything for my friends. Little did I know however, this would only make my then gf MORE jealous. So anyways, time goes on, we did the talent show, it was pretty fun and as a last minute decision I had decided to paint half of my face in Copia/Papa IV's papa makeup, which made S really happy, and all day and a few days after, we won't stop talking abt how wicked we were, even though the thing as a whole wasn't, we were just happy and excited about our part we had in the talent show. This happened on the 12th of April. Fast forward only a couple days later, the 15th. At this point said gf and I had quite a few arguments, all started by her, all somehow involving S, and all deescalated by me. However, things weren't gonna be deescalated this time, since then gf had cheated on me the night beforehand with some guy. I was obviously taken aback by this because why would you ever do that? Anyways, we break up that day, but we don't tell any of our friends because we don't know how to break the news to them. Or so I thought. Even to the last minute, then gf had found a way to blatantly lie to my face. Remember how I've been saying then gf would go behind my back telling 2 of our other friends how jealous she was of S? Apparently she had PLANNED THIS WHOLE CHEATING AND BREAKUP SCHEME AND THOSE 2 FRIENDS ALREADY KNEW WE WERE GONNA BREAKUP

I only found out about this whole thing the next month, in May. But I went along with this big lie, which I only thought me and then gf knew about. Anyways, a week later is when S finds out we've broken up because finally it was decided by then gf and I that maybe the rest of our friends should know, and we all individually told them, although I didn't exactly one on one tell S about it, she found out through one of my Instagram stories, and so S being S, she runs to my DMs about it and asks if I'm ok. I tell her truthfully that I am, I've gotten over it, this and that, just generally reassuring my best friend that I would be ok, but if I had to, I would come to her if I was feeling sad.

Anyways, another week passes by, and S comes to me on discord really confused, and honestly pretty scared, and so me being a good friend, I sit down and listen to her. She reveals to me that she thinks she's started to have feelings for me, but since she doesn't really know how that feels, mainly due to her trauma induced AroAceness, she is currently freaking out about it because she doesn't know if they're actual feelings, or if it's just her brain trying to play tricks on her and whatnot. She then proceeds to profusely apologize because she knows this is bad timing on her part since I had just gotten out of a relationship and she feels really bad and like I'm going to hate her for such. But I reassured her that her confessing this to me wasn't going to make me hate her in any aspect, especially because she was confused about what her feelings were. In the end, I told her I would think about things and tell her the next day whether or not we could take things further, and then we went on like that and just didn't revisit the topic for the rest of the night. So the next day, I come back and tell S over discord that we can further what's happening and just kinda see what happens. I was expecting her to jump right in when it came to a relationship, but she held back and told me outright she couldn't be in a relationship yet because she didn't want to get into a relationship with me, and then a week later break up with me because she got too scared and couldn't handle it because she didn't want to be the next person to break my heart, especially since it was broken not that long ago. I respectfully accepted that and asked her where she wanted to go with that, and thus started her journey on learning to be ok with dating, and that not every person was going to abuse her like she had seen when she was little with her moms boyfriends. Weeks go on and whenever the topic of being in a relationship came up, it was always her asking me questions so she could be more comfy with the idea of a relationship. This whole time shes trying to figure things out is probably one of the hardest things she's experienced because she doesn't exactly know what to do, hence why she asks questions involving relationships, and so I answer to the best of my abilities. This whole time shes also really amazed and confused at how patient and nice I'm being about the whole thing and that if this were anyone else they most likely would've given up, but I got all cheesy on her and told her that if you truly love someone, you will be there for them no matter what, and that seemed to reassure her any time she was so confused about my patience towards her.

Anyways, it comes to be mid-May, the 17th to be exact, and the whole time I've been helping S figure what's going on out, we've become really close. We haven't talked about relationship things all the time leading up to this point, but it's been enough to help her get more comfy with it. Anyways, the night of the 17th of May, we get back onto the topic of relationship stuff, and it ends with her saying she thinks she's finally ready for a relationship!! She says that she's still a little scared and that there's still a gross feeling in her tummy when she thinks about being in a relationship, but she tells me that she's pretty sure it's just her brain trying to trick her, and her best bet is just jumping right in at this point because she doesn't think she can get any more comfortable, and in her words she said "what's the worst that could happen!" (Keep this in mind because this is kinda funny tying into this next part of the story) so at 10:56 PM, on May 17th, S finally said yes to being in a relationship with me, and today, September 17th, marks 4 months we've been together!! It's really exciting because even before being in a romantic relationship with her, the platonic one we had was one of the best friendships I've ever had, and since knowing her, I have been extremely happy and I could not be more thankful for having her in my life. One of my favourite nicknames for her is Skrinkle, which is just a deformed way of calling her my scrungle, and she calls me Scrinch, which is her romantic name for me that is literally just an inside joke about the Grinch, but idm, I think it's pretty cute lmao.

But, that's not the point, unfortunately story does not end at me getting my happily ever after with my absolutely beautiful gf, no, we're still on abt my ex gf, bc she's ✨fucking insane✨

And no, I don't joke about that. This isn't a classic case of the one ex over exaggerating how wack their ex is, no, my ex is literally fucking insane I swear to you. This is because the next day, our friend group is at school and it's lunch time, at this point ex gf stopped hanging out with us ig because I was there kinda thing. Anyways, one of our friends, who was also one of the ones ex gf had been talking to behind my back, tells me, Skrinkle, and a bunch of our other friends that she is scared for specifically Skrinkle's safety, because recently my ex gf has apparently been making death threats to Skrinkle in an entirely separate server where only my ex, and the 2 friends she was talking to were in, and ex gf would always try to poorly disguise said death threats as vents that she needed to get out

Now TW here for certain people

Now this is the part in the story where, if you've forgored, you remember that Skrinkle/S/my gf is in a wheelchair because of a disability she has because my ex gf, within her disgusting, hate-fueled rants, said on multiple occasions she had wanted to push Skrinkle down a flight of stairs, there was another instance where she talked about walking behind her with a hammer and wanting to bash her skull in, and, this is the fun part, last night (which would've been the 17th of May, the day we had gotten together), she had written a several paragraphs, of in depth details on how she wanted to murder Skrinkle. She had written these details an hour after me and Skrinkle got together. Now rightfully everyone sat there in stunned silence after our friend had told us this but she said she told us so we would be safe because she genuinely was scared one of us would get hurt, especially Skrinkle. I just kinda looked at Skrinkle and joked about how she had said "what's the worst that could happen" after she decided to say yes to being in a relationship with me, and we had just found out that the absolute worst that couldve happened did happen, and it was an hour after we had gotten together. Anyways, we continue talkig on about this, mainly about what we should do in this situation bc its really fucked up, but partway through I start overthinking bc I'm just like aw fuck I got her into this mess, she's gonna get hurt bc of me, this that n the other thing yk, n I start breaking down. People start freaking out bc they've never seen me cry so they're trying to make me feel better but I'm just having an absolute moment over here fjsjdnd-

Anyways, I calm down eventually and we get things sorted out but uh

yEAH-

THATS THE BASIS OF WHATS HAPPENED TO ME THE PAST LITTLE BIT IVE BEEN GONE

AND NOW IM IN COLLEGE THATS WACK-

BUT BESIDES THAT SHIT THAT HAPPENED MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, THINGS ARE DOING ALR AND MYSELF AND MY NOW GF ARE DOING GREAT!!

THANK U 2 THOSE 2 READ THE WHOLE THING

ITS QUITE A LOT

WHICH BRINGS ME TO OUR TLDR SO LIKE

Tldr; I met a new girl who's physically disabled, became friends w her, ex gf got jealous of her, we broke up bc ex cheated on me, girl I became friends with caught feelings for me, we eventually got 2gether, and my ex gf plotted to kill a disabled person and made wild death threats and whatnot (some involved pushing her down the stairs), but dw we're both safe and thriving now and I'm currently in college :>