#Like man I can't imagine anything worse than losing my brother

[flameblessed]

/// spoilers

// seeing gifs of that scene with Clive and Joshua makes me get teary eyed

[softxsuki]

Heyy, I have an urgent request. So I have an eating disorder (restrictive type anorexia) and it was caused because of my mom and how obsessed she was with my weigh and what I ate. I’m getting help but I’m relapsing so can I request Dabi x fem teen! Reader platonic who is struggling with this? Ty in advance! Have a nice day!

Dabi With Anorexic Reader (Platonic)

please don't read if you struggle with and E.D and reading about it will do you more harm than good. thx

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: mentions of anorexia, food, being thin, unrealistic weight goals, unhealthy relationship with food, some aggression from Dabi, toxic parents, mental health, trauma

Genre: Comfort??

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 630

Summary: In which Dabi finds out you've been starving yourself and tries to help you out in his own way

[A/N: Helloooooo. This was a tricky one because I can't imagine Dabi being soft and truly very helpful especially since he has his own issues, but I tried my best. Still not that great at writing for Dabi though, so if this triggers you or anything let me know and I'll delete it right away. Hopefully you enjoy it though :) ]

Dabi:

Dabi is blunt, he says things as he sees them and he doesn’t hold back

Having his own problems though, he’s definitely not the person you should go to for help about anything

But you were friends and after noticing how thin you were getting, he had some suspicions

“What’s up with you?” He’d gruffly ask, noticing how sickly you looked

You’d try to play it off, but he pushes you for an answer, he’ll make sure he gets one

You were like a little sister to him, someone he wanted to protect, yet you looked like you were going through a tough time

Knowing he’d never relent unless you give in and express what you’ve been going through, you tell him

“Just trying to lose some weight, no need to be worried”

Yeah, telling him not to worry isn’t gonna cut it. He’s flabbergasted that as thin as you are, you’re saying right to his face that you’re trying to lose weight

For the first time in his life, he tried holding himself back, not wanting to blow up at you because of his worries and possibly make you feel ever worse

But he can’t help it, what exactly is he supposed to do in this situation? Force you to eat? Wouldn’t that make things worse?

He was stunned in silence for a while, trying to collect himself before he said anything he might regret

But like I said, this man is blunt, and as someone who’s younger than him, and treated him like the older brother he always wanted to be, he can’t help but act accordingly

He’s furious as soon as you say you felt this way because of your mother. Why couldn’t parents mind their own business? He sure had his own struggles with parents, not that he wanted to get into that…

But he’s also upset at you for doing such a disservice to yourself, how could you let it get this far? How could HE have let you continue right under his nose without saying anything?

All he knows is he isn’t letting it continue

He’d do whatever he can to help you, which may seem aggressive at first as he refuses to allow you to leave his sight without eating something

He wanted you to know there was a difference between starving yourself and eating healthily

Being thin was one thing, but he wanted you to be healthy yet still being able to fill whatever body ideals you had for yourself in your mind

Perhaps those standards were warped, then he’d try and convince you to be healthier and to aim for a weight that was deemed healthy for someone your age and height

The last thing he’d want if for you too take it to far and to keep lowering your ideal weight since he knows that mental health issues like these get worse over time as you’d never be satisfied with any weight you reached

He hears out your concerns, knowing you’d fight him on a lot of things, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting you healthy. He didn’t care if it led you to hating him for the rest of your life, he was used to being alone and hated anyway

But for your sake, he takes things as slow as he can, slowly helping you improve and making you see that there are better ways to stay healthy and have a body that you’d be happy with without putting yourself at risk

So have a little patience with him, he means well. He’d never put this amount of effort in helping anyone, so that just goes to show how precious you are to him–his friend, someone who accepted him as he was, he’d make sure to protect you

REQUESTS ARE OPEN (i accept the ones that inspire me to write)

Posted: 10/1/2023

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Welcome back!!!! You are currently my favorite writer on this platform!

I wanted to request an angst but with a happy ending, of course. Can you write about the loves accidentally insulting the reader really bad about something they are insecure about. Doesn't have to be about looks could be about their cooking or their fighting skills. Of course, their lover is devastated and hurt by the comment and takes to ignoring them. Of course, the loves can tell they messed up and have to apologize and make it up to her in their own ways. Happy ending with them making up with Lu bu, Thor, Buddha, Odin, Jack, and Tesla and whoever else you'd want in there!

I am excited for the rest of season 2 as well! I can't wait to see Buddha!

-He knew he messed up, as soon as he uttered those terrible words he could never take back and seeing your heartbroken face, he had never known such regret.

-He had never made you purposely cry, that wasn’t happy tears, it made him feel like a monster, and when you turned to run from him, he felt like a statue, he couldn’t speak, couldn’t move.

-You returned to your big brother, Shiva, who spent hours comforting you, and supported your decision, when he asked when (Love) came to see you, that you didn’t want to see him.

-You ignored his calls, his texts, and anytime he came around, you refused to even acknowledge him, which only made his guilt, his pain, feel even worse.

-He knew he needed to do something drastic so he could apologize, he didn’t want to lose you.

-Lu Bu- “You wouldn’t have made it as one of my soldiers. You’re too soft.” Lu Bu didn’t regret things often, but those words- those damned words, he would do anything to take them back. When you finally decided to speak with him, after he had been camped outside Shiva’s house for a week, he bowed deeply at the waist, apologizing so sincerely to you that it took you off guard. Lu Bu, seeing you weren’t yelling or running away, stood and spoke, “I’m sorry Y/N, I know I can’t ever take those words back. You’re not soft, you are a strong person, one I’m not worthy of having.” His words meant more to you than he could begin to imagine, and you managed to take him by surprise by leaping into his arms, hugging him around his neck, peppering his face with kisses.

-Thor- “I don’t understand why I’m with a weakling like you.” Thor cursed himself and hasn’t stopped cursing himself ever sense he said those words to you. He had been mad, annoyed that he was stuck fighting weaklings, other warriors who couldn’t give him a challenge, as Lu Bu was on vacation and not around. You offered to spar with him, to give him the exercise he wanted, and he bit back with his venomous words. Thor was a very proud man, but for you, he was willing to do whatever it took to get you back into his arms. He went to Shiva, every day, to ask to speak to you, to apologize, and each day he remained outside of your brother’s home, waiting for you, even after Shiva told him you didn’t want to speak with Thor. When you saw him, sitting and waiting for you, holding a single red rose, you finally went out and he apologized, giving you the red rose, “I was an idiot, I was mad and I took it out on you, one of the only people in this world that makes me happy.” You forgave him, hugging him tightly before Shiva ruined the moment, threatening Thor that he would take care of things next time, if there ever was one.

-Buddha- “Your cakes don’t taste as good as the ones at Artemis’ Sweet Shop.” He realized that what he had said came out much crueler than he intended, and you had been practicing hard to make homemade sweets for your lover, and after tasting some, he realized his insult after you ran off crying. Your big brother was hands on sight when he saw Buddha, the two getting into a fist fight that his three wives had to break up, scolding the both of them for fighting before Buddha begged to see you, to apologize to you. Shiva supported you when you didn’t want to, still pissed at Buddha, but after several days of begging him, Shiva had to admit that he had to respect Buddha determination. Buddha bowed, his head touching the floor, on his hands and knees, apologizing to you, begging you not to leave and when you told him that you were hurt more by his lack of support because you were trying so hard to make him sweets, yourself. You forgave him and Buddha surprised you at home with things to make a cake with, “Would you like to make a cake with me?” seeing his determination, his kindness, made you smile as you nodded.

-Odin- “Why aren’t your magic skills improving? Are you slacking off?” when you turned and left him, he was at first unsure why you did that until Muninn and Huginn offered insight, that you had been working every day, hours a day, and he insulted your hard work, he insulted you. Shiva laughed when Odin tried to demand to see you, your brother stating you were crying with his wives at the moment, and you didn’t want to see him. Guilt gnawed at Odin for days, wanting to speak with you, just so he could apologize. When you finally came out, you weren’t alone, Shiva and his three wives all glaring at him as well, but he didn’t care about them, he only cared about you. He apologized so sincerely it stole your breath away, you were stunned, “You’ve been working so hard, I know that, and I know my words were cruel, as I insulted your hard work. I’m truly sorry, Y/N.” you went home with Odin that night, after you made him take you out on a date, which made him and Shiva both laugh.

-Jack- “Have you thought about cooking lessons?” the spatula fell out of your hand at his words, after you gave him some food. You had been working hard, teaching yourself how to cook new dishes, and in those words, Jack immediately froze, realizing how cruel they sounded. He tried to run after you, but you refused to listen as you walked right into your brother’s house and told him you didn’t want to see Jack. Shiva had never seen you so pissed and knew he had to do as he was told, despite being the big brother. It was a week of ignoring his calls and texts, and ignoring him at the front door, but when you finally came out, wanting him to leave you alone so you could pout in peace, he stunned you with a bouquet of roses and sunflowers, your favorite flowers, bowing his head, “I’m truly sorry for my crass words, Y/N. I didn’t mean it in a cruel way, I know how hard you’ve been working at making meals for me and I appreciate each and every one of them.” You pushed the flowers out of your way, so he held them to the side so you could wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him and he embraced you tightly, apologizing over and over again.

-Tesla- “What’s so hard to understand this equation? Can’t you do something this simple?” when you suddenly up and left, Nikola froze, realizing that he, unintentionally, insulted you in the heat of the moment. The equation he was trying to show you, as you wanted his help to learn more, was simple, to him at least, as he knew how to calculate it, you didn’t. He was beside himself with anguish, crying himself as you ignored his messages, leaving him on read, and ignoring his calls, as he couldn’t get close to you as Shiva threatened him after Nikola made you cry. Nikola gathered the courage and showed up with a small bouquet of red roses and when the door opened he shoved them right into Shiva’s face as he bowed his head, apologizing. It wasn’t until you giggled when he looked up, seeing that he had apologized and given the roses to Shiva. Shiva was a brat, taking the flowers, “These are mine now!” before running off with them and you and Nikola looked at each other and he bowed deeply apologizing, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I sometimes get frustrated when I forget that some people can’t do things as easily as I can. It’s like you baking, I can’t do it without setting the oven on fire.” You giggled again, forgiving him before you held his hand and went home.

[honestly-oceanie]

My heart's ripped into pieces, I'm just trying to keep it together || TWTPTFLOB, TVIAM

Synopsis: a salvation they seek, the salvation they received. But is it a sin to dream and wish of you?

CW: hallucinations, self-harm, suicide ideation, refusal to eat, depression, alcoholism, (in Rezef) the reader is not real, (in Jeremy) the reader is real but dead so he imagines her alive.

Requested by: @pinky-kittys-world

《Jeremy Agriche, Rezef Hill | gn!reader》

{Angst◇ | ●headcanons●}

A/N: I'm so sorry it took long૮(˶╥︿╥)ა I lost motivation for the past few weeks.

The Way To Protect The Female Lead's Older Brother

Jeremy Agriche

🦋Jeremy is completely aware of how, when, and where you had died. He was there after all when it happened.

🦋 But despite all that, he'd rather live the rest of his life with his delusions of you—alive and unharmed, just patiently waiting for him in his room like the good pet that you are—than face the reality of you gone.

🦋 It is probably his unconscious guilt eating him up, whispering to him how he was weak resulting to him losing you. Both reasons are upsetting to him making Jeremy lose his mind more and more; his hallucinations kept winning.

🦋 Jeremy's denial of the situation have made the other members of the Agriche feeling either amused or bewildered. They never expected him to be so attached to this extent.

🦋 During the times Jeremy faces the reality he had tried everything he could: completely stopped eating, poisoned himself, injuries causing him blood loss, tries to get himself killed in missions, hell he even tried to end his life by himself just to be with you. Yet fate decides to play sick games with him just to make him suffer more and worst.

🦋 The servants are even more creeped out of him now, but why should he care when all he needs to bother himself about is if you'll love the new surprise gift he got for you.

The Villainess Is A Marionette

Rezef Hill

"Prince of Eldyme Empire"

🦋Rezef was never an alcoholic but ever since he "met" you he became worse.

🦋 When his day was terrible or he feels lonely, all he needs to do is go to his room, drink, then talk to you. Really. Just that simple lifestyle with his beloved:)

🦋 Even when he was slap with the harsh truth by his dear sister, his love for you and how he sees you will never change, not even to the day he dies.

🦋 You had been there for him when he was at his lowest point. You were the only one who saw Rezef's vulnerable side, you are the only one he's ever felt so comfortable with that he can just be himself when around you. So why should he believe those damn filthy lies those peasants are trying to contaminate to him, right? He can't believe that even his sister is siding with the dirt when she should be adoring you too like he does.

🦋 Even with the fight he has to put up with, for you he will do anything to defend your honor and dignity cause that's just what a depressed drunk man in love would do for his love.

🦋 Rezef knows that with all that's happening around you may have cause you some stress, to make it up to you, he'll give you anything that you wish for. Just say the word and Rezef present it to you with that prince charming smile of his. Even though he's actually just smiling all by himself at his room.

Feel free to give feedback!!

|＾▽＾)ノ

╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗

Honestly, Oceanie

╚══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╝

[bjfinn]

SOMEBODY TO LOVE

"Beetlejuice"/"School of Rock" crossover

"You breathers are lucky," Beej said. "You and Rosalie have a good thing going, and Chuck has Dee -- hell, even Babs and Sexy get to be together forever now." He looked down at the floor. "But me ... I got nobody."

Dewey nodded. "What about Tina?"

"Tina?"

"I know you got a crush on her -- you're always talkin' about her."

"Yeah, so?" Beej said defensively. "I'm always talkin' about you, but I don't have a crush on you! "

"Yeah, sure you don't," Dewey chuckled. "Anyway, why not ask her out?"

"She's not interested."

"Did she tell you that? Or do you just think that? Come on, man -- what've you got to lose? The worst that'll happen is that she'll say no -- and then at least you'll know for sure, right? And she might say yes."

"You think?"

"Yeah. Come on, man -- go for it!"

Beej looked at him and grinned. "Okay, I will!"

"Atta boy! And I can be your wingman!"

"You wanna go to the Netherworld?" Beej shook his head. "Not a good idea, pal -- it's too dangerous for breathers down there."

"I'll have you to keep me safe, right?" Dewey pointed out. "Besides, it's your ... your hometown, I guess -- I wanna see where my brother's from."

*****

"Okay," Beej said. "If we're gonna do this, we gotta have some rules. First, you gotta stick close to me -- if we get separated, well ... it won't be a good thing. B, no matter what you see or hear, you can't show any fear, okay? Demons and monsters are attracted to fear -- we feed on it. It's like blood to a shark. And three, if I say run, you fuckin' run! Got it?"

"Stick close, no fear, run -- got it."

"Okay." Beej took the piece of chalk from his jacket pocket and drew a door on the wall. He knocked three times and the door opened, a sickly green light emanating from the portal. He took Dewey's hand and they stepped over the threshold and into the Netherworld.

*****

The intense cold hit Dewey instantly, chilling him to the bone -- never in his life had he ever imagined such cold. He couldn't breathe, couldn't feel his heart beating, couldn't even feel his body. And the space around him was blacker than black -- there was no word for such an absence. Not in any human language, anyway.

The silence of the Void was deafening -- it was as if his ears had been filled with concrete. He felt himself drifting, drifting, drifting ...

Suddenly he landed on hard-packed ground, so hard it knocked the wind out of him. Then Beej hauled him to his feet and grabbed him in a crushing bearhug.

"I nearly lost you!" Beej said. "When you let go of my hand --"

"I couldn't feel your hand," Dewey told him, wrapping his arms around the demon. "I-I ... I couldn't feel anything -- not even myself. It was like ... like I didn't exist any more. How long --"

"Just the blink of an eye," Beej replied. "Time dilation. The Void is between realities. Technically you were in a state of probability -- existing and not existing at the same time."

"Like Schrödinger's cat," Dewey said.

"I don't know any Schrödinger," Beej replied, "and I don't know what his cat has to do with anything -- but yeah, okay, whatever works."

"So ..." Dewey said, looking around, "this is the Netherworld, huh? Pretty, uh ... dark. And cold." He zipped up his AC/DC bomber jacket, grateful that Beej had told him to bring it, and stuck his hands in the pockets. He wished he had an extra pair of hands to cover his ears -- Beej had told him about the sound of the Netherworld, but it was worse than he'd imagined.

"Yeah," Beej said. "Not a nice place to visit." He grabbed Dewey's hand. "Okay, now remember -- you gotta stick to me like glue. If you get lost, I might not be able to find you."

Dewey gulped. "Got it. Uh, how far do we hafta go?"

"Not too far -- I just need to find the trail."

"Huh?"

"It's not like Topside -- things move around down here -- like a lot. That's why you hafta stay with me."

"I thought that when someone went through the portal, they were sent directly to the Processing Department," Dewey said.

"They do if they're newly dead," Beej told him. "But for breathers, no. And I was born dead, so not for me, either." He looked around. "This way," he said.

With Beej in the lead, the two of them started off in the direction the demon had chosen.

It wasn't long before they entered what Dewey could only describe as a jungle -- strange looking trees grew in riotous profusion, their trunks and branches twisted, their leaves fat and leathery, while the forest floor was carpeted in thick moss, out of which grew ghostly fungi and plants that looked like they'd been conceived by Tim Burton -- some resembled venus fly-traps, others were collections of branches covered with scale-like leaves and bearing what could only be eyes at the tips, and still others with fanged mouths on their stems.

Dewey stumbled and put out a hand ...

"Don't touch that! " Beej yelled, and Dewey snatched his hand away from the tree he'd almost leaned against. "You see that sap running off it? Pure acid. Eat clean through to the bone -- and then it'll eat the bone."

They heard a rustling in the undergrowth, accompanied by gutteral hissing and a clacking sound.

"Ah, shit!" Beej said. "RUN!!! "

As they fled, Dewey looked back to see what was chasing them -- and instantly regretted it. The thing looked like a gigantic spider, but it had too many legs and too many eyes, and there was a gaping, drooling, fang-rimmed maw on the underside of its body. And the thing was huge -- it towered over them, hissing and clacking its mandibles menacingly.

"I SAID RUN!!! " Beej bellowed, and gave Dewey's hand a yank that nearly tore his arm out of its socket.

"WHY DON'T YOU USE YOUR MAGIC? " Dewey yelled as they crashed through the underbrush. The giant spider-thing was gaining on them by the second.

"I WILL! " Beej shouted. "BUT WE GOTTA GET AWAY FROM IT FIRST! "

Suddenly the two of them were airborne -- they'd unknowingly reached the edge of a depression and were now tumbling head-over-heels down the slope, smashing into rocks and branches, each doing his best to protect his head from injury.

They landed unceremoniously in a tangle of arms and legs at the bottom, the wind knocked out of both of them. As they scrambled to their feet, Dewey looked back -- the monster was coming down after them.

Beej grabbed his hand. "In here! " he said, pulling his friend into a small cave just in time to save them from being squashed by the creature's clawed feet.

Beej snapped his fingers, and suddenly they were in the middle of a vast expanse of sand. The sky was the colour of a bruise, dull purple and yellow, and a hot, dry wind moaned around them, an eerie counterpoint to the eldritch background noise of Hell.

"Fuck," Beej said under his breath.

"Whaddya mean, 'fuck'?" Dewey asked. "Where are we?"

Something roared then -- closer than Dewey wanted.

"The Dunes of Tartarus," Beej told him. "Not where I wanted us to go."

As if on cue, something roared in the middle distance.

"What was that?"

"Sandworm," the demon replied. "We gotta go -- now! "

He grabbed Dewey's hand, but they were tossed backwards as the sand in front of them exploded and a massive, scaly, black-and-white striped column of muscle erupted from the ground.

Dewey, flat on his back, watched in terror as the sandworm rose up and up ... and up ... and up. He figured it had to be four hundred feet long -- and that was just the part he could see. It hadn't pulled itself clear of the sand yet.

Then he screamed -- it was coming down, diving straight for him, both mouths agape.

Beej threw himself on top of Dewey and snapped again.

Now they were in a dark alley of some kind.

"Ah, shit," Beej muttered as he got off of his friend and helped him up.

"What's that mean?" Dewey said.

"Nothing to worry about," Beej replied. "Things have just ... moved around more than I was expecting, that's all."

"You know what?" Dewey said. "I don't think you know what you're doing! I don't think you have a fucking clue where we're going!"

"Oh, yeah?" Beej snarled. "You think you could do better?"

"Well, I couldn't do any worse! "

"I SAVED your ass! THREE TIMES! " He held up three fingers to illustrate.

"Yeah -- but YOU'RE the reason my ass needed saving in the FIRST place! "

Beej let out a roar and punched his friend in the nose, and then suddenly they were grappling in the alley like two stray dogs fighting over a scrap of food.

After a few minutes, though, they called a truce, helped each other up and brushed the dirt off one another.

Beej licked a finger and held it up. "This way," he said.

*****

They trudged along the streets of the dark city, dully flickering neon signs providing the only light. Dewey soon gave up trying to read them -- he couldn't tell what language they were in, or even if they were in a script he'd seen before.

He heard skittering in the shadows, a higher pitched sound than the dull background roar. Rats, he thought. Or worse.

Beej stopped at a door and knocked, a complicated rhythm -- obviously some kind of code. The door creaked open and they stepped inside.

The warehouse they found themselves in was dimly lit by a single low-watt bulb hanging naked from the ceiling. Stacked against the walls were several wooden crates and pallets, but otherwise it was empty.

Beej put two fingers in his mouth and whistled sharply.

Dewey's eyes widened in fear at the sight of what answered the demon's summons. A dozen or more skeletons appeared from behind the crates and pallets and began shuffling towards them.

"Holy FUCK! " he yelped.

"Relax," Beej said. "They're buddies of mine. Hi, guys! I want you to meet my brother, Dewey! This is the skeleton crew."

One of the skeletons reached its hand out. Dewey took it and gave it a shake. "Uh ... nice -- nice to meet you."

"They don't talk," Beej said in a stage whisper. "No tongues, you know."

One by one Dewey shook hands with each of the skeletons.

"Anyway, these guys can help us find the Processing Department -- right?"

The skeletons nodded. One of them retrieved a map from a hidden cupboard and unrolled it. With a bony finger it pointed out their location, and then traced a path on the map. Dewey saw that the skeleton's finger left a visible trail on the paper. It looked like blood.

The skeleton rolled up the map again and handed it to Beej, patting him on the back and nodding.

"Thanks, pal," Beej said. "I'll get this back to you asap."

The skeleton crew waved as the two of them exited the warehouse.

*****

At long last, they arrived at the Netherworld Processing Department.

Dewey wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it hadn't been anything like this -- the place looked like a corporate office straight out of a movie from the '70s or '80s, with overhead fluorescent lighting, dingy tiled flooring, and row upon row of identical desks -- each complete with what looked to be a Commodore-64, a two-tiered tray for paperwork, and a black rotary phone. At each desk sat a clerk, some with gunshot wounds to the head or chest, others with bloated purple-black faces and bulging eyes who still bore the rope marks around their necks, still others with deep slash-marks on their wrists ...

"Suicides," Beej told him. "If you kill yourself, you become a civil servant in the afterlife."

"Okay," Dewey said with a nod. "Good to know."

Beej led him to a door with a frosted glass window on which was stencilled

DEPARTMENT DIRECTOR

Below that was a piece of masking tape on which was hand-written in black marker

Carmen Álvarez y García

(Miss Argentina 1957)

"Here we are," Beej said, and knocked lightly on the wooden frame of the door.

"¡Entraste!" a woman's voice said, and Beej turned the knob and stepped inside.

"Hi, Tina!" he said.

Tina rose quickly from her seat and came around the desk to hug her friend.

"Beej! " she exclaimed. "¡Estoy encantada de verte de nuevo! ¿Como estas, mi amigo? ¿Todo está bien?"

"Slow down, Tina! You know I don't habla español so good!"

Tina scoffed. "¡Lo hablas mejor que yo!" She smiled warmly. "But what brings you back here? I thought you were going to be staying Topside, with your new family."

"I wanted you to meet somebody," he told her. "Tina, this is my brother, Dewey. Dewey, Tina."

"You're brother? " she said incredulously as she took both of Dewey's hands in hers -- they were ice-cold. "But how ...?"

"It's a long story," Beej replied. "Remind me to tell you sometime."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Dewey," she said.

"Likewise." Dewey looked appraisingly at the woman. Tina was a good six feet tall, with long, wavy auburn locks, deep brown eyes and legs up to there -- and skin of the most sickly green colour he'd ever seen. He noticed, as well, the slashes on her wrists, and his stomach did a slow roll.

"But Beej, you shouldn't have brought him here -- you know how dangerous it is for the living."

"Yeah, I know," the demon said. "But I really wanted you guys to meet."

Tina looked at him. "I know you, Beej," she said. "And I know you wouldn't have brought him here just to meet me. Why else have you come, mi amigo? And what is so important that you would bring your friend ... your brother?"

Beej bit his lip, abashed, his hair turning pink.

"I'm here for, uh ... moral support," Dewey told her. "Beej has something he wants to ask you."

"No, I don't," Beej demurred. "I --"

"Yes, you do," Dewey insisted. "Come on, buddy -- ask her! Don't ... don't let this whole trip be for nothing."

"What do you want to ask me, Beej?"

Beej looked down at his shoes.

Dewey punched him on the arm.

"Ow!" Beej exclaimed, and drew back his own fist to return the favour.

"Beej," Tina said. "Por favor, mi amigo -- dímelo."

He sighed heavily, his fingers interlaced at his waist, scuffing his shoes on the floor. His nervousness was palpable. "I ... I ..." He looked up at Tina, his eyes filled with hope and pain in equal measure. "I wanted to ask you if ... if ... if you think you could ..." He took a ragged breath. "I mean, if you say no, that's ... that's okay. It's no big deal, you know? I was just curious, that's all."

"Curious about what?"

Beej looked at her, surprised. "About what I asked you."

"Uh, Beej," Dewey said, "you haven't asked her yet."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Right. Duh! " He gave Tina a goofy grin that faded too quickly.

She smiled expectantly. He coughed into his fist.

"Ask her!" Dewey said, giving the demon a none-too-gentle shove. Beej scowled at Dewey, and then turned back to Tina.

"Do ... do you ..." Beej began hesitantly.

"Do I ...?" Tina prompted.

"Do ... ah, shit. Never mind -- it's not important." He turned away.

"Beej," Dewey said. "Come on, man -- you can do it."

"This was a bad idea."

Dewey put his hands on the demon's shoulders. "No it wasn't," he said. "You'll never know if you don't ask." He turned Beej around to face Tina and gave him a shove. "Now ask her!"

Beej looked at Tina and then lowered his gaze to the floor, wringing his hands, his hair a mix of purple and pink. "I ... I ..."

"What is it, Beej?" Tina asked. "You can tell me anything -- soy tu amiga."

But Beej just looked at her nervously. Finally he turned away again. "I can't," he said. "I-I'm sorry."

"Oh, for crissakes!" Dewey said. "He's in love with you, and he wants to ask you if you'll be his girlfriend."

Tina's eyes widened in surprise. "¿Es la verdad?"

Beej nodded, hope and despair warring in his expression.

Tina stood and went over to him. She hugged him and then took his face in her hands. "When I first met you," she said, "I thought you were a horrible little man. You wouldn't leave me alone, and I did my best to avoid you as much as I could -- but still you persisted. So I agreed to have lunch with you, just to get you off my back."

Beej looked at her, his lip caught between his teeth.

"And you listened to my story," she continued. "How I killed myself because I lost a damn beauty pageant -- and you comforted me. You didn't laugh at me, or tell me what an idiota I was. You hugged me -- do you remember that?"

Beej nodded.

"And I saw how Juno -- your own mother -- treated you, and I realised that you are not a horrible little man. You are a good man. And we became friends. And gradually ... over time, I ... fell in love with you."

Beej gasped, his eyes wide. "Really???"

Tina nodded. "Really," she said. "But I said nothing because ... I didn't want to be the one to ask -- so I waited for you to ask. But you never did. And I came to think that you didn't feel that way about me.

"I wish that you had asked me this years ago," she told him. "I would have said yes. But now ... well, you are living Topside now, with a new family and new friends who clearly love you and care for you."

"They do love me," the demon said.

"Sí, lo veo. Pero ... you know that I cannot share that life with you. I cannot go Topside to be with you -- it is not permitted. And I will not let you throw away your life with the breathers for my sake.

"Lo siento mucho, Beej, but it could never be -- long-distance relationships never work."

The demon's eyes welled up, and she gathered him to herself, hugging him tightly. "But I will always be your friend," she said.

"Ah hell," Dewey said. "I'm sorry, dude -- I never should've made you ask her."

"No, it's okay," Beej told him, wiping his eyes. "At least now I know, right?"

"Yeah," Dewey nodded sadly. Then something occurred to him. He waved Tina over. "Hey, uh ... ha-have you ever heard of ... friends with benefits?" he asked her in a low voice.

She shook her head. "No ... I don't think so. What does that mean?"

"Uh ... well, I don't know if you know this, but Beej ... he's never, uh ... he's never done it."

Her brows furrowed. "Never done what?" Then her eyes flew open. "Oh! Really? He's never ...?"

Dewey shook his head. "Nope," he said. "So do you, uh ... do you think you could ... I don't know ... accomodate him? Maybe?"

She smiled. "You are a good friend," she said. "A good brother." She turned back to the demon. "Dewey has an idea -- would you like to be 'friends with benefits'?"

Beej grinned in surprise. "Really??? You'd do that for me??? "

She took hold of his tie and pulled him close. "I will rock your world, little man."

[fincalinde]

Mama Lan

Oh now this is challenging and you are a fiend who will someday pay for your crimes.

a song that reminds me of them

Going to have to pass on this one, I can't think of anything really.

what they smell like

We know so little about her it's impossible to speculate pre-confinement, but post-confinement I presume it would be sandalwood like all the Lans. Let me take this opportunity to raise a point that has also bothered me for several years: unless someone knows more than me about this particular variety (entirely possible!), blue gentians have little if any scent. I believe the roots and other parts of the plant have a stronger scent when processed for extracts or similar, but a mass of blossoming gentians actually wouldn't smell that strongly.

an otp

N/A, we just don't know enough about her for me to have any shipping preferences in that regard.

a notp

While I know there is technically room to speculate that she did come to love QHJ, I don't think it's the most likely conclusion based on the information we have. The idea isn't something that charms and delights me either. I quite like not knowing the details because, although I'm not totally on board with LXC's desire not to know the truth, I think we know enough to be sure that it is not good. The world of MDZS is not a world where a woman who didn't return a man's love somehow conveniently came to fall for him during or after being consigned to solitary imprisonment for the rest of her life.

Reading between the lines I think the most likely sequence of events is that she chose this life over death and therefore her consent to things such as sexual activity is technical at best. I'm sure there's some good work out there around that, but it's not something I would read whether consensual or nonconsensual or ambiguous; the entire situation makes my skin crawl.

Gun to my head I find coercion less distasteful than a theoretical attempt to sell me on a genuine loving relationship existing between these two particular characters.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Hands down LXC, mostly because this is another example of how LXC's needs are always treated as secondary to LWJ's. I'm fully aware that LXC tells the story of his mother's life and death to WWX specifically to try to communicate something to him about LWJ (I wonder what that could be), but it is still heartbreaking to me that this man describes his brother's grief in detail and doesn't spare a word for his own.

It's even worse to think of how traumatic it must have been to lose his mother, when he loved her just as much as LWJ did but had the additional burden of worrying about and caring for his didi. Both Twin Jades are raised under unfathomable pressure, but LXC's burden is still the greater and he bears it with such grace that no one ever even notices. This is why it's important to note the lengths JGY goes to in order to ensure LXC's comfort and remove as many burdens and stressors from his life as possible.

I also love the little touch that LXC often visits his mother's house—a thing that unless I've forgotten something is not mentioned in relation to LWJ, and that I therefore choose to read as being unique to him. It's nice to imagine that he has his own genuinely private space, even if being in that space is bittersweet. Clearly he feels closer to his mother there than at the family shrine, which is another nice touch emphasising how their love for each other had to exist outside orthodox spaces.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

I am deeply weary of fandom's steadfast conviction that the yassification of any and all female characters is a powerful feminist statement. I think I will just leave this one here.

the position they sleep in

I hope she sprawls all over that damn bed every night, and I hope QHJ never stays long enough to fall asleep in it.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

I'm not saying never, but my instinct is that I really prefer her to remain as mysterious as she is in canon and not feature directly. That doesn't really lend itself to crossovers.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

The one covered in the blood of QHJ's teacher. I don't even care whether or not said teacher had it coming.

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 28

*Warning Adult Content*

Match Met - Part 1

Knox's thoughts are a whirlwind as he stalks toward Finn's bedroom.

It's a mixed concern for Everett and the future that they have together, irritation at Hayes for stepping out of bounds and a heavy sense of duty to protect the club at all costs.

He doesn't get far in wondering what life might be like had he never got patched in with The Fallen Angels.

After losing his parents, specifically his mother, he also lost his drive to become the man his mother had wanted him to be.

Someone educated and with a degree or two under his belt, not an unhinged beast who would eventually become numb from killing people.

God, how disappointed she must feel while looking down on him from Heaven.

Knox's self-deprecating thoughts quiet down after he reaches Finn's bedroom.

The smell of stale beer and weed smoke pulls him back into the moment and grounds him as he bangs on the door, the sound booming like thunderclaps in the night.

Finn's muffled acknowledgment seeps through, prompting Knox to lean against the wall with a bored look on his face.

The door swings open a minute later.

"Hey, brother. You need something from me?" Finn asks, a towel slung low around his waist.

His hair is still damp and tousled, water droplets glistening on his tatted chest.

He's a scrawny man but his bark is equally worse than his bite, courtesy of Knox's training.

"Yeah, I need to know who the fuck takes showers this late," Knox says, jokingly.

"Obviously me, asshole. I was just on FaceTime with my girl and things got a little heated..." Finn smirks, wiggling his brows. "But I'm guessing you ain't here for story time."

"Definitely not," Knox says. "I need you to join me on a run to Hayes' place. Shouldn't take us too long. Get dressed, grab a to-go bag and meet me out front in fifteen."

"Understood," Finn nods, knowing better than to ask questions.

When a brother needs help, you don't waste time asking him why. You shut the hell up, grab a weapon and follow.

Outside, the night air has a small bite to it, sending leaves skittering across the ground as an uneasy wind stirs the branches of the trees.

The gravel crunches under Knox's boots as he marches over to his truck, his mind somewhat clearer than before.

Tonight's job will require stealth and patience, which is why he isn't wearing his cut and is taking his truck instead of his motorcycle.

Anything to not draw attention to himself and Finn while driving to Hayes' house.

Sometimes, very rarely, Knox can imagine living in a world where he isn't bound to his club.

A world where he can devote himself entirely to Everett.

Then he has days like today.

Days where he doesn't let his desires overshadow reality because he knows his dreams will never be more than that, silly little dreams.

With a bitter sigh, Knox opens his eyes and pushes the fantasy aside, the sweetness morphing into the familiar burning resentment that he harbors for Hayes fucking Mitchell.

The cocky bastard forgot his place today.

He disrespected and taunted Knox, nearly making him blackout in front of Everett.

Fuck that shit.

The prick will pay for his offenses with his life.

Knox will make damn sure of it.

"Sorry for the holdup. Got stopped and threatened by your guy on the way down," Finn laughs while climbing into the passenger seat.

He shuts the door before tossing a large black duffle bag into the backseat.

"Smart little pain in my ass figured out we're leaving together. He told me he'd make my death slow and painful if I let anything happen to you."

Knox can't help but smile at that while backing out and driving through the gates.

"You make sure there's a tarp in the bag? Gloves, too? It's going to get messy tonight."

"Jesus, man..." Finn's groan is exaggerated, a blend of annoyance and humor. "You know this isn't my first time doing something like this, right? Of course I checked the damn bag."

"And you didn't tell Everett shit about what we're doing, right?"

"So you can turn around and do to me whatever it is that you're about to do to Hayes?" Finn scoffs, playfully rolling his eyes. "I may be a dumb fuck on occasion but I actually value my life believe it or not. I didn't tell him shit."

Knox chuckles.

"Good. The last thing I need is for him to find out Hayes is dead, then he starts blaming himself for shit that he shouldn't. I don't have the time to play Dr. Phil with him."

"But you would if you needed to, given that you claimed him and all..."

"Don't start."

"What? He's growing on me. At the very least, I'm happy that he makes you happy. I just hope you two will be able to figure your shit out when this war with The Jackals comes to an end."

Knox doesn't respond but he secretly hopes the same.

Finn casually props his feet up on the dashboard after switching on the radio, one arm hanging out the window.

Knox shakes his head at his brother's audacity but he chooses to let the transgression pass.

The night is tense enough, so there's no need to add extra bullshit on top of it and cause unnecessary friction between the two of them.

He knows when not to be a buzzkill.

The same can't be said for Finn when, about twenty minutes into the drive, he asks Knox the most ridiculous fucking question ever.

"So, have you fallen in love with Everett yet or are you still pretending like he doesn't have you wrapped around all ten of his fingers?" Finn asks.

Knox doesn't even have to look over at him to know he's wearing a shit-eating grin.

"Because it's real cute how you two..."

"You think I won't kick your ass out of this moving truck?" Knox's grip tightens on the steering wheel.

The fuck does love even look like these days?

People toss the word around like they do a casual greeting.

"Better get to your point quickly before you piss me off more than I already am."

Finn's reply is quiet, barely audible over the music.

"My girl is pregnant."

"You said what...?"

"She's pregnant, man. I'm going to be a father."

"Shit... That's... Uh, congratulations?" Knox says, surprised.

He relaxes in his seat now that Finn is back to being the center of attention.

"So what the hell happens now? She keeping it?"

"Yeah. We talked about all that stuff and I told her I want whatever she wants. I think... I think I'm in love with her, man. On some soulmates type shit. But now that we have a baby on the way, she's been bringing up the What Ifs because I belong to the club. Says she doesn't want the baby involved with any of us and that includes me if I remain a member after its born."

"Damn. She gave you an ultimatum already?"

"Yeah. Now I don't know what the fuck to do. The club is my life. I owe everything to you and The Fallen Angels. I'd be dead without all this shit but she... she just doesn't fucking get it."

"That's tough," Knox says. "But you shouldn't let it shake you up too much. Just gotta take it one day at a time and eventually, she'll come around. Besides, none of the brothers will look down on you if you decide to leave the club to be there for your kid. You know that, right?"

Finn nods, his voice soft and vulnerability clear.

"Yeah, I know."

Despite Finn's missteps concerning Everett, Knox has always done his best to be the shoulder for Finn to lean on.

They're brothers bound by something deeper than blood and at the end of the day, Knox wants nothing more than to see his brothers thriving and finding their own versions of happiness amid their chaotic lives.

He'll do whatever he can to help them get there and they'd do the exact same thing for him in return.

"You should bring her around the clubhouse sometime," Knox continues. "Let her see how we ain't a bunch of classless drunk bastards who eat, fuck and sleep all day every day. Hell, if someone like Everett can be turned, so can your ol' lady... or is she just your girlfriend?"

"She doesn't know it yet because she isn't hip to all this biker shit but she's definitely my ol' lady," Finn says, then smiles. "Funny how you met your match in a mouthy little twink like Everett. Never thought I'd see the day when you settled down with someone."

Knox rolls his eyes, amused.

"Yeah, well, the next time he runs off while under your watch, I'm going to make sure your kid grows up calling someone else daddy."

There's a real threat in Knox's words but Finn just laughs him off like he always does.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Will Ferrell gets flustered by Ryan Reynolds 😳" on YouTube

Mac's been doing it through my whole lifetime I've seen Mac having people do stuff and he's just blindly pushing these people Trump and company to just continuously try and do stuff to people by trying to DePower him and take over and that's the process. Seriously Trump recovering and doing a decent act and it's a comedy but really this is no joke he got pushed around by Ryan Reynolds and that's him Will Ferrell to no end and he lost more companies than people thought ever existed and he ran them and that failed to take them over for his plan and was sorted by the clones who are also very obnoxious all are focusing on me, and trumpsters didn't stand a chance cuz they got focused on too by the clones and Ryan Reynolds and they're going down right now forever, and my daddy will fight idiots and he will fight the clones until he is nothing in the foreigners we use it probably has plans and it's just sit here and listen to the child yelling at me looking insane headless ass for years just like he was as Mike Brunder and he is completely out of control idiot. I'm in the mental hospital you must be doing well what kind of jackass has me and a $8 an hour f****** stupid job either pull myself off the street every time that you f****** can't handle the psychology of the job you're going to die that's what it is and I'm not putting up with it anymore man I can't handle these stupidity and this guy is a complete child and jackass and breaks minutes he's a freak and you're so weak and stupid honestly and a little baby and your jackass kid did it ruin you and so what I can't f****** handle him either and all three of you don't agree on anything but treating me badly day after day hour after hour second or second I catch you having fees and bite me so you can get this little car over here this little area here and all this dumb f****** s*** that's all fake man and it destroys you absolutely utterly destroys you you should feel bad for yourself cuz you're so dumb. Such a massive state of denial you're so mentally ill and your kid is way worse and this guy was born mentally it's not even funny so imagine me this young happy adventures between three troglades we know how to snort up their nose whatever comes their way and get high on it you have nowhere do you want me to rested for what your crimes I know for a fact to inspire them to do crimes.

I'm sick of it I'm not a criminal and you treat me like one and you say you're going to run me through that f****** stupid meal I don't know how to see a courthouse and you have any planted in front of it I'm sitting there steaming the whole time now and you dumb f****** putting you in the grave and it's not even enough for you to look at me correctly dumb f****** retard you're a dumb f****** retard now Mac Daddy and you're fired man you f****** assaulted me is my brother I'm going to make you f****** pay for it pay for insulting me you c********** loser what a f****** piece of s***. You don't need me here you don't want me here I'm just some guy to be threatened to try and get stuff who the f*** are you so f****** dumb Mac Daddy you're so f****** stupid you're a dumb s*** as forgierners as I come here and wipe you out cuz you find no use for me c*********** loser.

I'm sick of the lifestyle I'm sick of living hand to mouth and off social security which you threatened to lose any second and you have not gained a single footstep not a micrometer for your favor who the f*** are you not to ever f****** notice that you dumb f****** cow you're a God damn loser now were going to take you out that s*** head that everybody else associated with dumb f****** retard crap you have so many retards here stupid f****** moron.

Zues Hera

You're a massive insulting cow now his dangerous to have you around him and you don't care for inventers you need them I don't know what the hell your problem is but now you're just as stupid as hell and he's right you're spent. Her son is correct too Will Ferrell wanted a chance at it and he had all the stuff and he had to plan that's going to be normal and you came along ruined it which is expected but you didn't bother to take over you're doing this harassment s*** we told you what happens every time every day and just keep doing it you're so insulted who cares it's called a vehicle dumbass and you're the vehicle I mean holy s*** you're glorified nothing and he's right too you attacked him as Mike bronder we're going to sue you for that. Shirt in your pants the last things to see you for everything else is going to go first starting with your big businesses. And I can't stand you you're huge aching homo and man you gave up your whole realm just to sit there and bother him like John Riva Lord wants to and he got way ahead of schedule he didn't even do anything didn't take over this guy Stalin f***** it all up you guys let him I mean what is wrong with you people he's so lame you're supposed to use Big ass world rulers and scary and mean powerful instead you this ninnies going around bothering a child it's disgusting it's repulsive to foreigners they look at you and have to shoot you you're such a queer.

Thor Freya I'm sending the orders now we're going to start taking your companies over and treat you like John Riva Lord cuz that's what you are and that's what you want to be treated like cuz you have motivation you know how your son wants to blow a hole through your head just take a device in there to stick you in your stupid matrix and he took over why is this Mass so hard you're having a war with him and you're sitting there with your dick up your ass this is what you talk like shut up he said that to him at the Will Ferrell show they will sit in their dumbfounded so you took over that's just down there deep nobody else is in the tunnels with him that should send out flags up your ass and out your mouth every few milliseconds not pestering me like b****** you didn't close the door all the way Chris this is a specified bugs are getting Chris everything it was a pussies you're going to get out of the way I'm going to gobble you up hole they said this this is what's happening he's threading everybody on Earth over and over and over and no one's stopping him I understand your point of view but you didn't know about him like he's 100% threat all the time nobody's down there with him where is cloning facilities tell me I'll stop your head you should worry you you should be pissing your pants out of fear where do you think your woman is going why do you think pink is missing I mean come on get a life stop harass me f****** in resistant cows so he said that's when they start thinking about something everyone's a huge a****** my friends being going backwards for some reason and he's a massive dick so he found him and started fighting so these huge battles they're really wars massive numbers of these bases sitting on holes then they come back like a few months later it's gigantic and just the losses are humongous it's better than living with total f****** weirdos and by the way he seems to be retarded so Mac checked and found out he's a retard and declared war on him and his student of all the warlock and it's doing on us too and is trying to get our son in prison cuz he's a loser he says he's doing it with them and stuff and he was doing it against the other Max. Our son says it you're finished you're just another turd is this idiot kid Mike bronder is out of control. What green Mike Green says you are out of control completely in a sick f*** and he was very embarrassed to what you're doing you would not leave me alone you would not get out of the way and you would not let him leave I thought for sure you're going to get hurt one point I thought he was pushing the door open to try and push you over to get you out of the way the car anyways and you wouldn't leave and you sent their glued to it and he said what am I going to do run you over to get out of here you f****** idiot for 30 bucks you have trillions and trillions of dollars and people going to rape you you said it in space and people started using it against us because you're a f****** fool I should have noticed something you're sitting there bothering everyone all the time is frontal lobe of yours is ruined it all of us and I can't stand it anymore he's going to go after it's hot and heavy cuz you won't let him have a life at all and you just petty little pansy m*********** like a kid from the streets of Calcutta main streets would be pretty good for what I'm doing he notices I'm stuck in here and it's idiots are all bothering me but you can't figure it out for anything Mike Green says

So he doesn't want him in prison as bad but he still does and it's stupid so going after them to put them in prison they couldn't resist the forters and they lost and they're they're smoked actually I have to have a report that says that from someone and the guy say they have a report and it says it and it's based on research it's real it says this is where they fell and they repeated all the time and they stuck them from the courthouse and we're going to take them down and so they're handing it in now. And f*** you for me to retard idiot and just sitting there with it you're stupid Mac.

I'm sending the orders out now and it was special orders to arrest you idiot cops and sit around trying to arrest our son all day everyday I'm so tired of seeing your dumb faces and your dumb attitude and man you f****** stupid like green you stupid face and a dumb screen all day long in the windshield and this dumb f****** expression thank you stole your calf or something is it having to say stuff to motivate you I mean you're completely smoked you people are spent that's a horrible way to die having to do stuff for you to get rid of you s*** you're smoked this double look on your face all day long somebody stole my calf. He says it too you put me anywhere near a prison and you people end up dead what is it about this thing you don't get you guys fell off the cabbage carton you don't understand it that's true you're completely it says that too and we say this we're going to follow up and knock DC in New York out your like insipid disease. Now that movie is coming up fast very fast and you people are going to go down kicking and yelling like little babies saying stupid things and ruining your game you would do it for years and years and years trying to arrest him George says you can't handle the program and it's true you're a complete stupid idiots they should have had a hard time than you but you're the ones who can't handle it we're going to cut it short and we're going to start attacking you dumb ass f****** Max

For signing all the orders and we're sending them out now also ordering many more troops for here and we're kicking out the clones from below

Olympus

[kanmom51]

I don't do this often BUT damn this Jungkook cover of Hate Everything. Good god!! It sounds RAW, it's that good.

Also, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry if I'm overstepping boundaries or whatever but you can't just tell me that it isn't somehow related to this situation with Jimin. Like he can't even go and visit him no matter how much he wants to and we all know how much Jungkook cares about Jimin. So, this situation would have already been hard but add to that he's not even able be by his side has got to hurt.

I respect their individualities and everything and I get it that not everything has to be about the "ship". But, common this is so obvious!!! Like no he didn't specify anything but I have such a strong feeling that this is related to Jimin.

Ask 2:

JK's cover of Hate Everything. Right before the release of his OST. With Jimin at the hospital. This specific verse. I'm sorry if I sound crazy but I don't believe in coincidences with this man. His voice is crystal clear, he's so transparent and brave and strong.

Ask 3:

He’s such a sap for sad music ❤️ I’m still bummed over Jimin so idk if it makes me feel better or worse lol

Ask 4:

I’m shaking kanmom I’m honestly shaking. JKs cover timing hate everything is telling. His world got turned upside down and he’s going through it and he doesn’t care, he’s letting us all know he’s going through it. I have no doubt it’s about Jimin, the rain lyric, the timing but the rest of the lyrics Sound like regret. maybe Jikook weren’t together when this happened to Jm now he’s regretting & losing his shit. No way the song is for someone else. Jk wouldn’t post this for another while JMs hurt

Ask 5:

Have you seen JK's recent post on Instagram, his cover of Hate Everything by Golden? (It kind of created a huge thing on twitter, since apparently, it was one of JM's favorites songs in 2020.) I have checked the lyrics. I am absolutely not saying that this song is confirming a break-up (because most people reading the lyrics, especially insecure jkks could probably take it that way, so I'd rather be clear about that) but it does say a lot about JK's state of mind right now. Since the song is about feeling powerless, which could apply to JK's situation right now, with JM being at the hospital and visits not allowed because of Covid...Armys, people who don't know directly Jimin but admire him and love him too, are already very much going insane (I mean I just have to search for Jimin on Twitter and every other posts has some sort of prayer for him and wish for him to get well.) so I can't imagine what it would feel like for his parents, his brother, and the members. It must be very difficult to feel like that.Especially when we know that BTS tends to be hovering and caring with each other to a difficult degree to attain for an average-western person.I hope he's doing okay right now.

I added these all together into one, because I feel you all have something to say, but I will answer you all at once.

Omg, that song, JK's singing, raw, emotional, beautiful and heart breaking.

You know, JK loves to cover sad ballads, it’s a thing he’s done many times in the past.  Some he may cover because he just likes them, well him and at times because JM likes them (he could too, but I’m gonna chalk it to JM, sue me).

And then there are those that he has a special emotional connection to: Only then, All of my life, for example.

So, JK covering Hate everything, it most certainly can be a coincidence, singing a song reflecting frustration and hardship at feeling powerless, especially at this point of time, when JM is hospitalized and JK is, in fact powerless.  

Do I think it to be a coincidence though?  Sorry, not this time.

And yes, I do think he's singing his feelings.

JK is powerless and he hates it.  This is a boy that needs to be in control, be on top of things, and the person he loves more than anything is suffering and he can do absolutely nothing about it.

JM was really ill, JK couldn’t be there for him.  The person he loves, cares for most, the one he is always overprotective with, the one he was willing to have at it with Suga because he hit him with a badminton ball.  

Said person is hurting and JK can’t do a thing about it.  JM, the person JK just senses might have a sore neck and his hand is there to release the tension.  JK, the person that is attuned to JM’s every move, every ache, every fall.  

The person that runs to pick him up if he falls.  And now, he can’t do a goddamn thing.  

So, yes he’s feeling guilty and angry and sad and frustrated.  

He can’t even go see JM.  Sit by his side, hold his hand, comfort him.  Nothing.

And what better word come to mind as “I hate everything”?  Because, my guess would be that that’s probably what he’s feeling right now.

Now to tackle the asks in my box I will not answer, but want to put them to rest once and for all:

NO THIS IS NOT A BREAKUP SONG.

JK has not broken up with Tae - you cannot break up with someone you were never with to start with.

JK has not broken up with JM - think logically people.  If there was a break up, it would have been prior to JM’s hospitalisation.  A day prior JK posts cute doggie pics.  He goes radio silent for days after JM being admitted to hospital, and then posts this cover hours after JM posts on Weverse letting us know he’s on the road to recovery.  No, it’s not about a break up.  It’s about the helplessness of being powerless and going at it alone.

One line.  Take that line out and you have JK’s raw feelings.  Wanting to turn back time (maybe he could have done something differently, maybe he would have noticed something, maybe if he was there with JM when it all went down), wanting to have the person he loves by his side, hating having to be strong, feeling powerless, hating everything at the moment.  Every single thing we talked about, every single emotion we speculated JK would be feeling right now.

[fonulyn]

So my partner is amazing and let's me ramble about RE to them whenever I want to, and even sat down to watch Vendetta with me when I bought it, so the other day I was like explaining Leon and Chris' characters (bc my partner knows how much I love them both lmao so of course that's what I was talking about), and we have both come to the conclusion that Leon is a bisexual disaster, and Chris is a homosexual. The running joke is that Leon is also just generally a whore, out there living his best life, and Chris is the kind of gay guy who no one expects to be gay bc of stereotypes and his habit of never really talking about himself, but he also was never really in the closet about it, so he's surprised whenever people are surprised to learn that he's gay lolol but in all seriousness Leon is not only bisexual, but he's the type to fall in love easily despite all of his background and trauma related to betrayal, so his heart is almost continually broken, either bc he's betrayed or he loses whoever it is he's found himself in love with (and sometimes both i.e. Krauser, and Ada at the end of RE2), either through death or just leaving bc he knows he can't stay/can't be with whomever. As for Chris, maybe I'm reading into it wrong, but despite all of the like, romantic connotations they try to put into some of his games (which I don't. Really see? Like there was some in the first game with Jill but I just cannot see them together like that, neither seem interested in one another like that. And of course, Jessica, who I can't stand, and who Chris is supposedly totally oblivious to? Like she thinks he didn't notice her flirting in RE revelations, and Parker is like "is it that, or is he maybe interested in someone else?" And the assumption there is that he means Jill, but again, I don't see it? Even in that game! But that line of Parker's always makes me think "yeah, he's more than just interested in someone else, he's playing for a whole nother team entirely!" lmao. And I haven't seen much for 5 but I'm sure it's there between Chris and Sheva, and then for 6 from what I understand there really is hardly any talk of Chris in regards to any women at all? 8 has nothing, as well, and the DLC for 7 is just another "Chris loses his entire team in horrific fashion yet again" side plot, so nothing there either), he never seems interested. He's always focused on the task at hand, not letting emotions get in his way, and like, some could argue that that's why he doesn't show interest or why Capcom doesn't create more romantic lore around him, but if they really wanted to Make Sure he was straight and Make Sure everyone playing these games knew that, I imagine there would be some one line little hints in the games of him talking about how he can't let himself get distracted, or in his line of work there are no happy endings or what have you, but. There's none of that. Bc he isn't forcing himself not to be interested, he isn't purposefully focusing on saving the day so he doesn't have to get hurt knowing he can never have whichever high potential for a dope ass protag female character who's constantly sacrificing herself to save him bc what better purpose could they serve, right Capcom?, he's just. There, doing his job and trying to save whoever he can, not getting distracted in anyway whatsoever by any of the women in his life, romantically at least. He still cares way too much, but it never comes off as romantic to me in pretty much any way. Also the note he leaves in his STARS locker in RE2remake, Claire being like "this doesn't sound like Chris at all!" Is funny to me bc like, I don't really remember so correct me if I'm wrong, but she doesn't elaborate on WHY that note doesn't sound like Chris lmao is it bc he's respectful to women at all times and doesn't ever objectify them, probably hates when other people do? Or is it bc he would never be interested in women in this way ANYWAYS, the man is so gay, he must have left this note so that Claire would know something is Up, bc her brother is Such a homosexual.

Anyways sorry, I just wanted to ramble/get your opinion on this. Over-analysing RE is actually really fun lmao

haha not gonna lie, I opened your ask in the car on the grocery store parking lot and tried to read it on my phone, and gave up squinting at the small screen halfway through :'D now that I'm back at my laptop though, lol, all good :'D

first of all I'm happy you have someone to ramble to even though they aren't into the thing themselves! :D I regularly rant about RE fandom things to my brother haha and he listens patiently although he isn't in the fandom at all, he's only played the games and that's it. but he still listens to my shippy rambles lol.

as for your thoughts? makes sense to me tbh. I definitely headcanon Leon as a bisexual disaster most of the time, because it does seem fitting. maybe it's partly because I think he's absolutely breathtakingly stunning and it'd be a shame to deny anyone that, so, naturally he wouldn't care about such trivial things as gender, pfth, love is love.

also Leon falling in love easily? absolutely. too damn easily. c'mon this is a man who gets attached to anyone who shows him even the tiniest amount of basic kindness in the matter of minutes. he canonically forms attachments with Claire, Ada, Krauser, Helena, Buddy and JD (JD 😭)... whoever else am I forgetting? but this is the guy who meets someone and would die for them five seconds later. so. it tracks.

and you know what, I can 100% see Chris being only into men. because like. I don't see the romance there either when he's interacting with the women in his life? okay, sure, I could imagine something there between him and Jill if pressed seeing the way he so single-mindedly wants to save her and then holds her in the scene after they get that thing off her chest. maybe. but even there it doesn't really feel super romantic to me, personally.

in the first game with Jill there's not... a lot of romance I don't think? sure she falls asleep against his shoulder in the evac helicopter but i mean, i've fallen asleep against a friend like that? not an indication of romance? they're clearly important to each other! i am not trying to diminish their importance to one another at all! they'd die for each other and they'd do anything it takes to protect each other and i do think their relationship is compelling but... i don't really see anything inherently romantic in it.

and Jessica, yeah, Chris is 100% oblivious to her advances. it is implied in the game that he's into Jill instead but other than that there's again zero actual romantic interaction between Chris and Jill. I was actually talking about this with my brother, who said the same, like there were so many chances in Revelations to put something romantic in there between Chris and Jill but there just. isn't? anything? except for Parker's comment. which is why it felt so damn out of place? (and like my brother would've wanted to ship Chris and Jill, he was kinda bummed about this i feel :'D) so interpreting it to mean he's not interested in women at all would actually make more sense lmao.

as for RE5, I've played it twice (with my brother lmao do we see a theme here) and honestly I don't remember anything in the game that would've insinuated anything more than solid partnership between Chris and Sheva?? if someone who's more familiar with the game wants to correct me on this, then please! but at least off the bat I can not remember anything so I think they actually didn't try to even hint at romance for them?

and in RE6 Chris is way too focused on killing "Ada" to have any thoughts about anything else :'D so no. no mentions in there regarding him and any women. at all. not even hints of Jill which is so incredibly weird (and stupid tbh) bc she was made to be so important to him in RE5 and then doesn't even get a mention in RE6? (/shakes fist damn you capcom! the characters exist outside the games they're in!)

I think that's pretty much the main difference between Chris and Leon tbh. Chris sees the job at hand, and he knows it'll help, he knows it'll save people and it'll make the world safer and he's so single-mindedly focused on the job that he sees nothing else. while Leon sees people, for the better or for worse, and he is willing to take detours if it helps even one person in the meantime. like in RE6, Leon willingly ignores the task at hand to go help just about anyone. Chris doesn't want to pause even when pressed bc he has an end goal in mind.

and bear in mind, I am not trying to say this somehow makes Leon better or Chris better or anything. they're both doing this to help. they both have their heart in the right place. they both care. but they're just so different! their personalities, and their way of dealing with things is different! I feel Chris is really target oriented and wants to get the job done. while Leon's easily distracted from it, because of all the damn feelings :'D

but yeah. i love them both, and i think it's really damn fascinating how they're both the good guys, the heroes of the franchise, but they both take to things so differently.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, I think i rambled too :'D but hey-o, it was fun lmao.

and hey no need to apologize at all!! always feel free to shoot me a message if you wanna chat!

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

OAKTOWN DOING ITS MAGIC

Marcus Álvarez x Filip “Chibs” Telford sister!Reader

Anon asked: Could I maybe ask for an Alvarez x reader were the reader is chibs sister and has a very fiery attitude and her and Alvarez are always at each other throats but theres something strong there and she will no problem wandering into Mayan territory much to her brothers warnings against it until it finally boils over with her and Alvarez and super fluffy and adorable and maybe smut? It's okay if not! Thank you so much for writing so wonderfully 💖

WARNINGS: NSFW, SMUT

Word Count: 2.9k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💖

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @trulysuccubus​ ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Stopping by a side of the road, you step out of your car placing the map above the hood, having a bite of the red licorice in the other hand. You could use Google to find the dog kennel, but you prefer to explore it by yourself. Oakland it's not that big to get lost, but you want to be sure about the way you have to follow. Pointing it with a pencil, you have to focus your attention in the sound of a motorbikes coming. Rolling your eyes with a heavy sigh, you throw the candy before keep the map in a pocket.

“Do you need help, mija?” Marcus' voice sounds funny, walking towards you and being followed by three Mayans, after parking their bikes.

“Do I look like a damsel in distress you must save?” Cross-armed, you raise an eyebrow.

“Well, you are a little far from home”.

“No kutte, no motorbi—”.

“You are still a member of Samcro. You should have made a courtesy call”.

“Do you think I'm a hot line for your pleasure, Álvarez?”

The man chuckles falsely, turning for a second to his men, before pointing your car with his gun. One shot straight to a wheel. And two bullets right to the trunk and a light. That hurts more than if he had shot you down. Your heart racing too fast. Your blood boiling. And your fist hitting his face without controlling yourself. The man doesn't move a single inch of his body, more than twisting his neck because of the punch. A wild tear running down your eye, while the other Mayans are pointing you.

“You crossed the line… and you're gonna regret it”. You spit every word, full of anger.

And Marcus knows that he already fucked up when he raise his gaze to yours, watching you cry. No one cries for a car, unless it means something important to you. He was having a rough morning and listening about your visit without a call, just make it worse. You two aren't enemies, neither friends. Mayans and Samcro have a good relationship, but the shit between you and the mexican it's kinda strange.

Taking off your phone from a pocket, you key Ratboy' number by heart, squatting next to your car and touring every hole with your fingertips while your cry takes away your breathe.

“Hey… Could you bri—bring the crane to Oakl—Oakland?” You sob, trying to control it.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just… I just…” Your cry get louder, and you can't help but resting your forehead against the trunk with a hand above it. “Don't tell Chibs, please… Just come. I am five miles from the entrance”.

“Ok, ok. Do you wan'me to call Álvarez? You shouldn' be alone there”.

“This… son of a bitch is already here”. You growl, hitting your head softly against the body car.

“Fuck… Give me an hour”.

Hanging up the call, knowing that the Mayans have their eyes on you and keeping the phone back to the pocket, you open the trunk to take a tweezers from the toolbox. Closing it and cursing with a strong scottish accent, you try to take off the bullets from it.

“Am sorre', athair… I'll fix it, I promise”. You mutter between some hard sobs and a knot installed inside your chest.

“Eh, I am so—”.

“Shutta' fuck up!” You shout at him, turning your body for a second. Even if he's trying to be gentle after what he did, you don't care.

When you finish your improvised task, you keep the bullets for Jax as a proof. Sitting inside the car, you decide to wait there instead of staying close to Alvarez, or you're going to end up hitting him again. And even if you asked Ratboy to come alone, you can't help but hit with both palms the steering wheel when you hear the roar of motorbikes riding closer. Stepping out of your almost dead car, you snort rubbing your eyes and cleaning the tears.

When Jax sees what happened, taking off the helmet, he raises both arms in silence looking at Marcus. Your brother runs to you, more worried about the fact of you being okay than because of the car. Chibs cups your face in his hands, leaving a kiss on your forehead before hug you.

“I'm sorry”. You just sob.

“Don' worre', lass”. He says placing an arm on your shoulders, before guiding you to both charters

“Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Jax looks furious facing Marcus.

“Bad morning. Knowing that a Sons' is at my territory, with n—”.

“Did you know why is she here? With no kutte, no bike, no protection?” The president interrupts him, pointing his chest once and again. “She works sometimes at the dog kennel, man”.

Marcus gives you a fleeting glance, snorting when he finds you being comforted by the older scottish. And his suspicions are confirmed by Jax's new words.

“Her father bought that car, ten years ago. Man, she loves it more than anything”. It's a whisper between them, making him see the gravity of the matter without relying on the fact that you could have been hurt.

“I'll take it to my workshop. I'm in charge, brother”.

“Don' ya' dare to touche't!” You shout full of anger then, trying to walk close to him, but being stopped by Chibs arms, and a Jax' hand raised to you on air.

“You better leave us take care of it, before I have to give her a gun to shoot your bike”. The Samcro's president shakes his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Send me the bill, alrai'?”

Jax nods, before letting them go passing you away with their motorbikes. The blonde man turns at you bitting is inner lip, as he pulls away his hair to his nape.

“We'll take you to the dog kennel, and then we'll go back to Charming, okay?” He says caressing your cheek softly, while you nod.

It's almost midnight in Charming. The town sleeps peacefully, while you continue trying to fix up the body of your car, after changing the flat tire. Finally, you have to use some putty to fill and cover both holes in it, having the perfect paint mix to finish the work. But when you're about to take the brush, the sound of a motorbike calls your attention, making you stand up on your feet to get out from the workshop. Rolling your eyes when they focus on the Mayans symbol, you turn again to go back to your main task. Yes, you feel some curiosity about what is he doing there, but you know you're not going to need to ask.

The heavy steps by the boots come closer to your ears, stopping a few meters away of your back, ignoring him completely. You've been a lot of hours trying to rebuild the holes, trying to find the perfect color by mixing the paint, and you're not in the mood to deal with Marcus. But this fact doesn't seems important for him, when he squats next to you and both dark eyes on your hands supporting the brush. Your fingers moving slowly almost like they were dancing a ballet. Hypnotizing him.

“I've brought you a truce and an apology”. He says with a low tone, not wanting to make you lose your focus. “Fifty thousands and a ‘sorry for being a pendejo’”.

“I have no price”. You reply back in a whisper, joking on him because it looks like a secret.

“It's not for you, but the dog kennel in Oaktown”. He's almost smiling, taking off from the pocket inside of the kutte a brown and improvised envelope. A bulky one.

You leave your task in the background, turning at him with both eyebrows raised.

“I have no excuse. And I'm so sorry because of what I did to your father's car”.

His words sound sincere, licking his low lip at the same time he moves his hand somewhat up making a clear gesture. Rolling your eyes, you take it standing up and leaving the brush inside the paint pot to grab the money. Your feet guide your body to the office, leaning towards the safe-box, so you can keep it inside. Once the box is closed, turning over your sneakers you find Marcus resting his left shoulder against the door frame, trying to hide that he was looking at you totally spellbound.

You're challenging him, maintaining his eyes with yours, crossing both arms on the chest covered by part of the jumpsuit. You know exactly what he wants to do, because you want it too, but you still mad at him. You two always have had that strange kind of connection like if you don't want to admit the attraction, not being only a physical game. Something stops you to be push into the other, and you don't really know why.

“You're no' a cat, and I'm no' a mouse”.

“I know”. He just replies, walking closer and taking off his kutte, to leave it on a chair. “How much are we gonna play this... stupid game?”

“I don't know, te'me, chicano”.

He chuckles, licking his lower lip and putting his gaze away for some seconds, somewhere on the white wall. You know how much he hates that name, but you love to tease him, even if you're trying not to keep in mind what he did to your car.

“Take off the jumpsuit”.

“'Am almost naked under it”.

“And the problem is...?

Drawing a naughty smile on the corner of your lips, you grab the middle of it, unzipping it so slow that he's starting to get desperate. Looking at you as if you were a piece of art, only available to his whim. When the cloth is already opened, you slide the fabric down by your legs, jumping a little from it. Marcus is enjoying the views, taking the advantage of placing a hand on your lower back, while the other travels to your nape. Your lips almost touching his, tasting that mix of cigars and mexican toast beer on them when the tip of your tongue tours them.

Your back finds the wall faster than you could think, catching you against his body, devouring your mouth hungry and anxious. Your fingers pulling up the black shirt he's wearing to throw it above the desk. His big hands taking off yours, before falling on the waistband of your panties. Uttering a soft growl full of pleasure, he walks away from you some steps, looking you from top to bottom as a hungry wolf admiring his prey.

“You like it, uh?”

“You don't know how much”.

His voice is deep, rough, hoarse, bristling your skin as soon as he catches you again on his arms slapping your ass when he turns you facing the wall. You need more. Marcus too. And the sound of the belt getting undone and his jeans being unzipped make your legs tremble. Without expecting he pushes his middle finger into you, checking how wet you are because of him, making you moan as your fingers get closed in two cuffs supported on the wall.

“You like it, mami?”

He whispers right in your ear fingering you faster and deeper, almost moving up your hips. Feeling every move as if it was the first, touching your soul with his warm breath on your neck, leaving some smooth kisses there and confusing you about the fact of his hand pushing you too angry while his lips are so gently.

“Fuck, yes…” You gasp resting your forehead between your hands, with closed eyes.

“You want me to fuck you, pequeña?”

“Yes, please, please, please, Marcus”. You beg uncontrollably once and again.

“You want my cock hitting your tight pussy ah?”

“Fuck… please…”

“You're gonna have it, mi reina”.

Pulling out the wetted finger and turning you to face him again, the Mayan puts a hand on your throat, sliding the other into your mouth. And you lick it, tasting your own flavor under his attentive black eyes burning in all the desire he has been containing. His lips crash on yours, kissing you filthy, and getting inside your mouth his tongue to find yours while his free hand throws down to the floor every thing is on the desk. You let him do with you whatever he wants, placing your chest on the table and spreading your legs to both sides ready for him. Teasing you with his needed glans rubbing your clit, you snort disappointed, hearing some laughs behind your back.

“You don't know how much I want you”.

“Fuckin' prove it”. You say desperate.

And you got it. Without expecting it, his cock pounds you so hard that your body moves somewhat forward above the desk, making you close your eyes with a heavy moan stuck in your throat and his hands nailed on your hips. Marcus moving fast, thrusting himself to you until his abdomen crashes against your ass. The dirty sound your wetness utters being hitted is like a sweet melody for your brain, feeling the pleasure running through your body, getting mixed between the gasps and the pleadings. Seems like he knows what you like, slapping harder your ass with one of his hands. The slight pain provokes you a wave of heat, asking for more.

It's been almost one year since you two met, containing the desire you were feeling for each other. The necessity for being close, alone, together. Enjoying your more animal instincts. Marcus tangles his fingers on your pony-tail, curving your back until his teeth bite your neck, licking and sucking it, wanting to mark his territory. His free arm surrounding your abdomen, thrusting you deeper reaching your g-spot as you cry out his name once and again, drying your throat, breaking your voice every time he nails his hard dick inside you with no mercy, with no wait. He loves every inch of your body. He loves every single thing he knows about you. He always wanted to show you since he met you, and know he's doing it in the most delicious way possible; fucking you as hard as you beg him.

“Mi amor, estás tan estrechita… You're driving me insane”. (My love, you're so tight).

“Cum inside me, please”. Twisting your neck enough to split it into his lips, he bites yours drowning there a soft moan.

“Of course, mi reina… This pussy is only mine, you hear me, ah?”

“Fuck, Marcus… Only yours”.

By your pulse you know how close your body is to explode because of the ecstasy, and the Mayan knows too.

“Turn, mi amor. I want to see your face”. He demands, pulling out himself, making you sob feeling the emptiness between your legs. “Sit on the desk”.

You don't need more words, doing it without complains. An arm surrounding your body, your legs on his shoulders and his free hand nailed around your throat. Then, you can see for first time his cock. Huge, wetted, needy for being inside you again. And it feels more delighted when he starts to fuck you again, in that position that makes you touch the sky with the fingertips.

His gaze maintaining yours at all times, seeing who you squirm under his grip because of the pleasure and his dick pounding you with the only mission of making you cum. Leaning towards you, Marcus kiss you again, looking for your tongue to fight it out of your mouths and leaving a small trail of saliva on air, before devour your mouth so hungry it makes race your heart.

“I'm… I'm so fuckin' clos', papi”.

Your voice is somewhat hoarse, with your knees almost touching your chest with every deep thrust into you and your legs shaking a little.

“Come on, mi reina… Cum for your papi”. He asks you with his lips on yours.

And it doesn't takes you more seconds after a lash of heat running down your spin. You cry out his name twice before you run out of air, feeling the orgasm wrapping your whole anatomy with the dirty sound of your wetted pussy being hitted without non stop. And Marcus filling you with his seed, exhausting, pounding you until he's satisfied. Your legs hurts a little when he puts them down, surrounding his waist. You push him totally inside you, with your bodies colliding, while he lies on your chest trying to recover himself. His lower abdomen pressing your crotch, finding your lips somewhat tired, but enjoying the warm of your cums getting mixed.

“It feels so good, mi reina”.

He whispers pinching your nipples, stealing you some gasps against his clavicle traveling your mouth by his neck leaving some kisses on it.

“Don' move, papi… I wan' you to fuck me again”.

He chuckles, nodding with his chin.

“Whatever you want, I'll give it to you”.

[thefreelanceangel]

Shadowbringers Is Finally Ended

With Patch 5.55 and the official end of the Shadowbringers story, setting up now for Endwalker in November, there are now a few months ahead to grind gear, finish content and reflect on the most recent expansion.

And, without any hyperbole, I can say definitively that I have never in my life been as impressed with a game's writing as I have that of Shadowbringers, both the original expansion and a lot of the patch content. I have... thoughts.

I'm a bit of an outlier; I skipped Stormblood (oops) and went straight from completing Heavensward (which greatly impressed me at the time and still does) into Shadowbringers because I wanted to get a max level character already.

Within the first few cutscenes of Shadowbringers, I was absolutely hooked.

First, let me just say that "monstrous angels" is 100% My Thing. I ADORE the reinterpretation of the standard "Renaissance art angelic figures" into something closer to incomprehensible beings taking on twisted, terrifying appearances. The human mind is a finite thing and comprehending an angel would be as difficult as comprehending infinity; these are things so alien to our experience that assuming they'd be easy to grasp and familiar feels disingenuous to me.

So the sin-eaters and the Lightwardens? SLAP.

Also, the intent behind the usage of "Light" in Shadowbringers was deliberate and purposeful. Our Lord and Savior, Yoshi-P, stated this clearly in his Forbes interview.

"The inception of this idea was very simple: in recent fantasy works, the perception that light equates to good and dark equates to evil is very set in stone, we wanted to shake this up a bit.

"Until this point in Final Fantasy XIV, our players have been Warriors of Light: the hero. However, with Shadowbringers, we leave the Source and embark on a journey to the First, and through this I want our players to discover the truth of the world, as well as think about the real nature of light and dark. That is the theme of Shadowbringers.

"In any case, a light too strong could potentially become evil. Darkness and night are also necessary for the world to maintain its balance; that's the kind of theme we will be shedding light on."

And the themes in Shadowbringers had such an amazing resonance that they were both painfully clear and masterfully executed. Not only was the theme of "balance" clearly executed in the "returning Darkness to a world flooded by Light" goal, but the desire for players to "think about the real nature of light and dark" showed in a multitude of ways.

The Warriors of Light (who we met as the Warriors of Darkness in Heavensward) are, in their home world, reviled. They directly caused the Flood which nearly destroyed their home and although they were able to save it with personal sacrifice, the populace at large is unaware of that sacrifice. The motives behind what the Warriors did is essentially lost to history; all that remains is the perception of their actions and the results thereof.

Motives, however, which you (player and WoL) are privy to.

"At long last, you see. To save our world, we gave our lives. We were just adventurers trying to make our way. An odd job here, a favor there—we never aspired to be Warriors of Light. But word of our deeds spread, and soon people were calling us heroes. They placed their hopes and dreams on our shoulders and bid us fight for all that was good and right. We fought and we fought and we fought...until there was no one left to fight. We won...and now our world is being erased from existence. We did everything right, everything that was asked of us, and still—still it came to this! You of all people should understand! We cannot—we will not falter. We brought our world to the brink of destruction, and now we must save it."

You had that fight with the Warriors of Darkness. You heard Ardbert explain exactly what happened, how they came to the point where they faced off against you, and you saw what happened when they were given the choice to hold back the Flood. And you were there when the one favor Ardbert asked was for the Warriors of Darkness to be taken home.

You see how the First remembers them and it's stark contrast to the heroes you met who were fighting desperately to save people who now spit on their names. History quite clearly has two sides and which you believe is dependent entirely on what information you have.

This becomes even more of a clear theme when you meet Emet-Selch and learn more about the Calamity which led to the entire Zodiark/Hydaelyn duality. Here, your previous experiences with Ascians has painted them solely as "villains." They are established enemies, manipulating events and people in order to attain goals which, to you, are nothing but Calamities.

And yet, as you learn more about the original Source and the Amaurotines that once lived on it, these goals are painted in an entirely new light. Instead of merely seeking to wipe out "the world" for no apparent reason or, at best guess, greater power for their deity Zodiark, the Ascians were striving to repair the damage done by the original Sundering. They, in a manner of speaking, were doing what the Warriors of Darkness were. What you, the Warrior of Light, have been doing. They were trying to restore what was lost.

Which leads into another of Shadowbringers' major themes: grief and loss.

The earliest touches of this are in Alisaie's questlines where you learn about what happens to people tainted by the Light. Families are destroyed, people are transmuted into sin-eaters and those who avoid that fate must stand by and watch as their loved ones fall to something far worse than death. "A Purchase of Fruit" shows you exactly what the end result is while also highlighting something very specific: with no hope of removing the Light's taint, knowing that all that awaits the tainted is a painful transmutation and existence as a sin-eater, those untainted make the best they can of those last days and end the tainted individual's pain before it begins.

Grief, yes. Loss? Absolutely. And yet, this is a loving, compassionate thing that those in Amh Araeng are doing. They face their own grief and loss. Rather than refusing to accept the actuality of their circumstances or refuse to weigh themselves down with taking a decisive action, they make the choice to face their grief and loss directly, even willingly taking on the guilt of their actions rather than leaving the tainted to suffer.

Magnus in Twine lost his wife and son, which immobilizes him. He can't find solance in anything save alcohol and brooding over their graves. It takes outside interference to pull him directly from his grief, to help him see past the loss of his family and look towards the future where life might once again be worth living. His struggle with grief is painfully familiar and so very, very close to many real life struggles that it's extremely poignant.

This struggle with grief is the fight the Ascians are, without question, losing. Let's set aside the "tempering" argument when it comes to Emet-Selch and Elidibus for the moment, largely because it's actually quite true that grief can spur people into committing horrific acts either as a desperate attempt to assuage their own pain (revenge) or make 'things right' in some way (vengeance).

Emet-Selch does not, in fact, properly grieve for Amaurot and the Ancients he knew. He clings to them, as Hythlodaeus tells us, weighed down by an aching sense of loss.

"And though he may carry himself with a certain glib ease, Emet-Selch is not a man to bear his burdens lightly. In fact, I imagine they have only grown heavier with every passing century. ...T'is truly a terrible weight he has chosen to carry."

Quite significantly is the word "chosen" in that. Grief is a process that involves, eventually, letting go of the pain and living with the memories of what was loved and what no longer is. Emet-Selch chooses not to do that. He does not grieve for Amaurot and his lost loved ones; he refuses, no matter how often he mentions his loss, to admit that what is gone is gone.

Elidibus, rather similarly, refuses to accept that the duty he took on when called upon to become Zodiark's heart is finally at an end. That the world he and Emet-Selch originated from is gone. Although he admits that he can barely remember why he's set on this path, he refuses to turn away from him.

One won't forget, one can barely remember--neither will grieve and let go.

Even the Ascians' characteristic arrogance and disdain for what they consider "lesser beings" is easy to read as their long-lasting struggle with grief. Considering the Sundering, all the beings that the Ascians are so disdainful of are, in fact, echoes of that which they once knew. If they acknowledged that, accepted those beings as what they are and perhaps even admitted they had worth... well... Rather like realizing abruptly that you've spent a whole day without thinking of someone recently departed, it feels like a betrayal.

To find value in the worlds as they currently are, to turn away from the duty they were asked to uphold, to choose to lay down the memories of the past are all, in essence, choices the Ascians will not make because to do so would be to let go of what's lost, to move into the acceptance of grief and that can feel like betraying those whose memories are slowly fading.

Emet-Selch's end--"Remember us."--is directly tied to his refusal to forget. To let himself have even one day without hoping for an eventuality that's highly unlikely regardless of effort, without remembering the Sundering and the Final Days. He remembered, forcefully and tenaciously, and wishes that legacy to live beyond him.

While Elidibus, in remembering, unable to deny failure any longer, finally expresses grief and loss. "My people. My brothers. ...My friends. Stay strong. Keep the faith. At duty's end, we will meet again. We will. We will. The rains have ceased, and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it."

And coming from villains, quite specifically from villains that have been largely indistinct "puppet master" figures throughout the previous expansions, these story arcs were a punch to the gut. (Yes, I had to pause writing this to cry helplessly over Elidibus again because my gods, that last line just...) Villains are at their best in fiction when they're relatable. When it's so very easy to see that thin line between villain and hero.

Faced with the loss of everything you'd ever loved, with the faintest possibility of getting it back, what would you do? What wouldn't you do? Yes, the Ascians did terrible things and that's undeniable. Stopping them was necessary to save hundreds of thousands of lives. And doing so, being victorious, didn't feel like a victory and that is such a rare, rare thing in media. The Warrior of Light does the right thing, but in doing so, must face the fact that those they've been fighting have hopes and dreams and feelings and pain as real and as motivating as theirs.

And Shadowbringers does such an impressive job of turning those standard tropes around. Heroes are a dime a dozen because if you just awaken them, as Elidibus did with the starshower, well, there can be dozens of Warriors running around. Villains have heart-wrenching motivations and relatable reasons for their goals. History is multi-faceted and no one person knows what the "truth" truly is. Grief can spur people to helping others (i.e. the tank Role Quest ending) or it can fester and go unhealed and create nothing but more destruction.

There is so much that Shadowbringers did beautifully, I don't have the time to touch on all of it. The lack of "breaking the flawed system fixes everything" trope following Eulmore's liberation from Vauthry and the struggles that Eulmore faces in trying to build a functional, working social order for themselves. Embracing the value of childish dreams and tending to the smallest, most overlooked victims of trauma with the Pixie Tribal Quests. Dealing with a commander whose soldiers died and seeing Lyna's survivor's guilt. Seeing how having a single, unified goal can inspire and rally people into putting differences aside and helping each other.

Shadowbringers has finally ended with Patch 5.55. The story on the First ended with Patch 5.3. And all I can say is that this is a game that I will never forget.

[sachigram]

I think a lot about Hearts Like Ours because I've been wanting to comment on the last chapter since it came out and I finally think I can. On another note, I read that "send me some Shizaya prompts you'd like to see! Who knows, maybe I'll write a few" please, don't feel obligated at all, but I can't write myself and I've been thinking about a story for a long time, about Izaya being in love with Shizuo since Highschool but extremely hurt because he hated him on sight, and then on present time +

“And then on present time Izaya finds out that someone is going to hurt Kasuka, Shizuo doesn't answer his phone so Izaya goes to the place himself and without thinking puts himself between Kasuka and the guy who has going to stab him, Kasuka takes him to Shinra and after this Shizuo gets obsessed with trying to know why Izaya would almost die for Kasuka.”

For you, @murasaki19! I wrote this very quickly, and I am sure there are errors, but I hope it cheers you up! <3 Your reviews mean a lot to me, and I’ve missed seeing your name in my notes. I’m always around if you need to talk! 

It happens by accident, really.

Izaya keeps tabs on everyone and everything; it's part of his informant position. Even the most trivial of information can be useful later, like pawns making it across the chessboard. Honestly, it has nothing to do with Shizuo or his family. Still, Izaya stumbles across a plot to kidnap Kasuka, and wars with himself on what to do about it.

On one hand, he hates Shizuo, and therefore, he hates Kasuka. He should revel in the idea of Kasuka being killed or worse, should love the thought of the anguish it would cause Shizuo to lose his precious baby brother.

On the other hand, Izaya has sisters, and he knows Shizuo has helped keep them out of trouble more than a few times, even while hating Izaya.

Something else entirely, Izaya doesn't want Shizuo to lose Kasuka, and it makes Izaya so sick of himself that he can't even look at his reflection on his dark phone screen.

“Fuck,” he mutters, shoving back from his computer. He picks up his phone, goes to Shizuo's contact, hesitates. He can call Shizuo and let the beast handle it. Whether Shizuo believes him or not, Izaya can say he tried, and that should settle his conscience, right? It should be the end of Izaya's involvement.

He presses the 'call' button. It rings once, and then goes to voicemail, and Izaya clenches his teeth, knowing Shizuo ignored the call and likely would delete a voicemail before listening to it. Izaya can't blame him, but still, being ignored always pisses Izaya off beyond anything else.

“Should just let him lose his fucking brother,” Izaya grumbles to no one. Namie left for the day, and no one else will be coming by. Shinra likely would ignore a call from Izaya as well. He's alone in this, as he normally is.

For once, he finally feels the emptiness.

***

He's in the city— He doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

The men who are going to take Kasuka have his work schedule figured out. It's not hard to attain information like that, as long as you know the right people. Izaya himself buys most of his information, and turns around and sells it to whoever asks. It's possible some of these men work with Kasuka, or some of them could have hacked into his file, his schedule, his manager's schedules. Something like this just happened with Kasuka's little girlfriend, right? And then Shinra got attacked. Everyone should have learned a lesson from that, but...

“The more things change,” Izaya mutters aloud.

“Hello?” A man's voice answers him. Izaya sighs, realizing Kasuka heard him and is addressing him. Kasuka is alone— Why is he alone? Where's security? Where's the driver? The car is parked, so where is the fucking driver? “Oh. Orihara-san?”

“Yes,” Izaya says, quieting the questions zipping through his mind. He has an image to maintain, if nothing else, and even if he wasn't consciously planning on coming here, he's here now, and he has to make it look like he meant to be.

“Did you...need something?” Kasuka asks, and Izaya can only imagine how confused Kasuka must be. He's heard awful things for years about Izaya, true things, and all Kasuka knows is that Izaya hates Shizuo, and Shizuo hates Izaya.

“Why are you alone?” Izaya asks, stalling. He moves away from the wall he was leaning against and inches closer to Kasuka.

“My driver is across the street, grabbing to-go food. The guards are right by the door,” Kasuka says in his usual bored tone.

“Inside isn't close enough to stop something from happening,” Izaya says, and Kasuka tilts his head.

“Are you going to attack me or something?”

“I'm only saying, it would be better for you to have someone around, anyone.” Izaya looks over his shoulder, paranoid. He doesn't care about what happens to Kasuka. He's told himself that over and over, and yet, here he is.

“Well. You're here,” Kasuka says with a shrug. “And my driver will be right back.”

Izaya is about to answer and say something along the lines of, 'why wouldn't a big celebrity have his own bodyguards?', or, 'isn't your girlfriend some kind of monster with inhuman strength?', but he doesn't get the chance. Everything happens so fast from there, and even afterwards, Izaya still doesn't know what exactly happened.

All he knows is, he wakes up at Shinra's, and there's a hole in his stomach.

***

“I'm just. I'm floored, you know? I'm totally flabbergasted!” Shinra says jovially as he applies something to Izaya's wound. “Kasuka-san called me and was as close to panicking as can be allowed. He hasn't sounded like that since Hijiribe-san got injured. He drove you here and said you took a knife for him! Could it be that my influence from all those years ago rubbed off on you?”

“Would you please stop talking?” Izaya asks, irritated for many reasons, one of which being Shinra's voice. He has another scar from a knife wound. Izaya doesn't ever want to get stabbed again. It's not fun at all. He wouldn't recommend it to anybody.

“I just wanna know what was going through your head!” Shinra chatters. “Did you know what you were doing? It seems like you don't remember. Did you know the news is reporting you as a hero? They used your name! Hey, are you listening?” Shinra leans over Izaya, squinting at him.

“I don't remember it,” Izaya says, shoving Shinra away. “I was on autopilot.”

“Ah, well,” Shinra says. He leans back in his chair and shrugs a bit. “I think maybe you're working on clearing your bad name. Unfortunately, you'll have to get stabbed a lot more.”

Celty walks in, and Izaya sees his reflection in her helmet. He closes his eyes, not wanting to deal with her, but Shinra laughs at whatever she tells him.

“Kasuka-san is here to visit you. We told him you were awake.”

“What!” Izaya tries to sit up, regrets it immediately. He falls into the sheets with a wince. “I don't want to see him.”

“Sorry,” Kasuka's voice says, already in the room. “They said it was okay.”

“One day, I'm going to sell Shinra to pirates,” Izaya says.

“That might work. A doctor always has value,” Kasuka replies, and Izaya nods. There's silence for a few moments, and then Kasuka clears his throat. “You saved me.”

“I didn't. Or, I didn't mean to.”

“I wanted to thank you.”

“Don't. It's gross; I don't want your thanks.”

“Still,” Kasuka insists, and when Izaya looks over at him, Kasuka is giving him an earnest expression. “I could be in this bed, or much worse. I could be dead. Thank you.”

“Thanking me would be acceptable if I went with the intention of saving you. I didn't. I didn't think about it, and I don't remember it. So really, you don't have to—“

There's a bang in the next room, followed by Shinra shouting.

“WHERE IS HE?!”

“Oh,” Kasuka says, and then he stands. “Shizuo's here.”

“Fucking great,” Izaya mutters. He wonders if Shinra can give him more drugs.

Heavy footsteps thud towards the door, and then it's flying open, revealing a frantic Shizuo. Immediately, he's on Kasuka, looking him over, talking so quickly that Izaya realizes he's already on a lot of drugs, because he can't focus on it. Izaya giggles and moves his hands around in the air, finally feeling the effects of whatever Shinra gave him.

“Why's he here?!” Shizuo barks, and Izaya drops his hands and pouts up at the Heiwajima brothers.

“Can't you have a reunion elsewhere? I'm recovering from an ordeal,” Izaya says, and he blinks as his words slur. “Shinra! What did you give me?”

“Morphine,” Shinra calls.

“I like it.”

“Most people do.”

“Orihara-san—“ Kasuka begins.

“Gross, call me Izaya,” Izaya interjects.

“Uh. Izaya-san saved me. He took a knife for me,” Kasuka continues.

“What? That's fucking impossible. I'm sure he's probably the one who hired those guys to begin with,” Shizuo says, and Izaya tries to be offended, but can't really argue.

“No. Izaya-san showed up on his own, and then some men charged us. Izaya-san jumped in front of me, and then my guards came out from all the noise.”

“I don't buy it. He was involved,” Shizuo argues.

“Even if he was, he paid a price for it,” Kasuka says. Izaya is back to waving his hands around, and he pauses when he feels that everyone is looking at him.

“Am I supposed to say something profound?” Izaya asks. “I think— I think I'm stoned.”

Shizuo marches over to the bed and hovers over Izaya. He glares down at him, and Izaya tries to remember the last time they were this close. Didn't Shizuo headbutt him?

“Why the fuck would you do that? Why would you save my brother?” Shizuo asks.

“I didn't save anyone,” Izaya says, and then he reaches up and touches the tip of Shizuo's nose. “Boop.”

Shizuo snarls down at him, and then someone, probably Celty, drags Shizuo away. Izaya looks up at the empty space Shizuo left and misses Shizuo occupying it. Then, someone else hovers over him.

“I won't forget this, Izaya-san.” Kasuka puts his hand over Izaya's and squeezes. “Thank you.”

“Oh. Go away,” Izaya mutters, and he rolls over. “Being thanked so much reminds me why I'd rather everyone cursed me.”

“I'm sorry you feel that way,” Kasuka says.

“Don't thank him! Don't apologize to him! What the fuck!” Shizuo barks from somewhere, and then Izaya passes out again.

***

Next time he wakes, he's alone.

He reaches for his phone on the table next to the bed. He has messages from Namie, from Shiki, from his sisters. He grumbles and reads through Mairu's babbling about how much she loves him for taking a knife for Yuhei. He replies with a series of emojis, most of them the dancing red dress woman.

Namie asks if Izaya has a brain tumor.

Shiki wants to know if Izaya will return to work now that he's an A-list hero.

“Feeling better?” Shinra asks, and Izaya looks over at him. “You've been pretty out of it.”

“Am I still high?” Izaya asks.

“I hope not. I've been lowering your dosage. Are you in pain?”

“Mm. A little.”

“Do you want more medicine?”

“No. I'd like to think clearly.” Izaya puts his phone down. “I really don't remember it. I just...acted.”

“That's okay,” Shinra says. There's a beat of silence, and then, “You told me some...interesting things while you were doped up.”

“Ugh.” Izaya covers his eyes. “Were we alone?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Celty was in bed. It was just us.”

“Are we alone now?” Izaya asks, his voice muffled from his hands.

“Yes.”

“What did I say?”

Shinra laughs. “You said you didn't want to give Shizuo-kun another reason to hate you.”

“...is that all?” Izaya prompts.

“You might have mentioned loving him. Once or twice.”

“I changed my mind, I want more drugs,” Izaya says, and Shinra laughs again.

“It's okay. Really. I already kind of knew. You aren't as hard to read as you think you are,” Shinra says, and Izaya peeks up at him.

“I knew you knew.” Izaya groans and rubs his eyes. “It doesn't matter.”

“It matters,” Shinra says softly. “Loving someone always matters.”

“Oh, shut up,” Izaya says. “Anyway, can I go soon?”

“I want to keep you a little longer. Your wound is still bleeding a bit, and I can't let you go before I know for sure your stitches won't pop open. It'd be bad if your intestines started to escape, you know?”

“I imagine it wouldn't be good.”

“Have you thought of telling him?” Shinra asks. “Shizuo-kun, I mean. You could tell him.”

“And then what?” Izaya prompts. “He wouldn't believe me, and I wouldn't blame him. No, it's better he not know. I'm glad he wasn't in the room when I was out of it.”

Shinra sighs. “I wish he would have been.”

The day passes slowly. Izaya replies to messages on his phone, barks at Shinra for a charger when his phone starts to die. He and Shinra play cards, and Izaya's chest clenches when he thinks of how long it's been since he spent time with Shinra like this.

“You know, you can come over sometime,” Shinra says, clearly thinking the same. “I'd like that.”

“Your girlfriend hates me,” Izaya says.

“You think everyone hates you. You think it before they even know you. Besides, Celty is a forgiving angel. She doesn't hate anyone. Except, well, I guess she hates cops.”

When the sun starts to set, Shizuo comes back. Izaya pretends to be asleep, but Shizuo isn't having it. He shakes Izaya roughly until Izaya looks up at him through narrowed eyes.

“What?” Izaya asks, and Shizuo glares at him.

“Why'd you save my brother?”

“I told you, I don't know!” Izaya hisses, and he tries to roll away from Shizuo.

“Well, I decided I'm not leaving until you tell me!” Shizuo replies.

Izaya groans at the ceiling, and then he turns to Shizuo.

“You got me. I saved him so you'd owe me one. Now, I can ask you to do anything, and you have to do it.”

“Bullshit,” Shizuo says. “You think I don't know when you're lying? I can tell.”

“I don't know why,” Izaya says.

“Bullshit,” Shizuo says again.

“I don't know what you want me to say. You won't believe me no matter what my answer is.”

“You could try telling the truth. You know, for once.”

Izaya turns over and pulls his pillow over his head, refusing to answer. True to his word, Shizuo plops down into the chair Shinra was occupying earlier and refuses to leave.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Shinra asks a bit later.

“I guess,” Shizuo says.

“I always wanted us all to hang out!” Shinra says happily, and Shizuo and Izaya tell him to 'shut the fuck up' at the same time.

After dinner, and after Shinra offers to hand-feed Izaya for the tenth time, Shizuo winds up falling asleep on the chair, his arms crossed across his chest, his head lolling to the side. Even asleep, he looks irritated. It's not the first time Izaya's seen his sleeping face, but it's interesting nonetheless.

“I guess he's staying,” Shinra says, entering the room. He tosses a blanket over Shizuo. “I think this is progress.”

“He's just a stubborn monster,” Izaya mutters, and when Shinra leaves the room and turns the light out, Izaya is left listening to Shizuo's quiet breathing.

It's been a long time since Izaya slept in the same room as someone. He's used to his sisters falling asleep on him, and he's stayed with Shinra a few times, but this is something new. His worst enemy is unconscious next to him. Izaya knows he should be taking advantage of this, but he doesn't. He spends his time scrolling through his phone, and when he's bored of that, he watches Shizuo sleep. It's creepy, he knows it is. Izaya's always watched people because it's easier than interacting with them. Like this, it's almost like they could be friends, neither of them talking or arguing.

Shizuo twitches in his sleep and makes a noise, and Izaya tears his eyes away.

“I saved him for you,” Izaya whispers, knowing Shizuo won't hear him anyway. After a few minutes, Izaya sits up and carefully detaches himself from various wires. He can't stay here anymore, stitches be damned. He steps past Shizuo and pads down the hallway, collecting his things before he exits the apartment and arranges for someone to pick him up.

It's easier to be alone.

***

A week passes. Izaya works from his bed, relents to letting Shinra come give him checkups, and tortures Namie into bringing him things. By the end of the week, Namie is threatening to smother him with a pillow, which is actually pretty tame for her. Izaya isn't too worried about it. He knows she carries a paralyzing serum with her, after all. The fact she hasn't used it yet means she doesn't hate him too much.

She tells him she's leaving for the day, and he grunts at her, his eyes glued to the screen of his tablet. He's reading about Kasuka's latest gig, silently appraising the raise of security around Kasuka since the incident. Izaya's sisters have since cursed him, saying they'll never get through all the people around Kasuka now. Kasuka recently sent Izaya a fruit basket, and Izaya considers calling to Namie to bring him a pear, but he thinks better of it. She's pretty pissed at him already.

Next thing he knows, someone is in the doorway of his bedroom, loudly crunching on an apple.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, setting the tablet down.

“That lady let me in,” Shizuo says as he strides across the room. “Did Kasuka send you this? The arrangement looked expensive.”

“He did. I don't suppose I could convince you to bring me a pear?” Izaya asks.

“I'll bring you one if you answer my questions honestly,” Shizuo says.

“Still caught up on that, huh? I've already said all there is to say.”

“Your loss, I guess,” Shizuo says with a shrug. “I'll start eating the pears next.”

“I hate you,” Izaya hisses. He crosses his arms and grumbles. “I wish I'd let your brother get stabbed instead.”

“Yeah, well. You didn't.”

“I should have. I wanted to.”

“Did you? Want to?”

Izaya exhales loudly and dramatically. “No. You wouldn't have let my sisters get stabbed. It's the same.”

“Yeah, but... It's not the same,” Shizuo says. “Kasuka is a grown man, and he's supposed to have guards on him. He's supposed to have people. Your sisters don't have anyone but you, and sometimes you're...”

“Inadequate?” Izaya asks.

“One person,” Shizuo corrects. “You're one person, and they escape where you can watch.”

“Dota-chin helps them, too. A lot of people do. I appreciate it, even if I don't say so.” Izaya groans and rubs at his wound under his shirt.

“Does it still hurt?” Shizuo asks.

“Yes. It's not too bad, though.”

“Shinra told me he took a knife for you once. It was crazy. I was pissed at him because I thought, if someone had just killed you then, I wouldn't have had to meet you at all.”

“I might have died,” Izaya says. “Nakura-kun hated me. He might have aimed somewhere more lethal the second time.”

“You didn't care though, did you? You wouldn't have cared if he wanted to kill you. You never cared when I wanted to,” Shizuo says.

“Who can say?” Izaya asks, and then he smiles. “I might have cared a little.”

“I don't want to hate you anymore,” Shizuo says. “You saved Kasuka. No matter what your reasons were, you saved him. And even before... Before, I was thinking I didn't want to hate you. It just seems like if we stay this way...”

“We'll die?” Izaya asks. Shizuo nods.

“I don't want to kill you, and I don't want you to kill me. I don't want to explain to your sisters that I murdered you.”

“So then, what do you propose?” Izaya asks.

“A truce? We can... I guess we don't have to be friends, but we could try not to kill each other. How's that?” Shizuo asks.

“That's fine. Whatever.” Izaya stretches, and then he pouts at Shizuo. “Now can you bring me a pear?”

“Brat,” Shizuo says, but he does just that.

They spend hours together. Izaya has a TV in his room for just this occasion, him getting injured and being bed-bound. Shizuo likes trash TV as it turns out, and Izaya delights in making fun of him for it. By the time Izaya's eyes are drooping, Shizuo is already hunched over, resting his head on Izaya's bed.

“You can stay. If you want.” Izaya wants to rest his hand on Shizuo's head, but he resists. “It's pretty late.”

“Yeah. I will, then,” Shizuo says, and Izaya expects Shizuo to either go down to the couch, or to the guest bedroom, but instead, Shizuo is climbing in bed next to Izaya and settling in.

“I hope your monster scent washes out with regular detergent,” Izaya mutters, hating the way his heart soars and then pounds in his ears at Shizuo's close proximity.

“Oh, fuck you,” Shizuo says, but he doesn't sound mad.

They're quiet for a while, and Izaya thinks maybe Shizuo has fallen asleep, but then Shizuo laughs softly in the darkness of the room.

“What is it?” Izaya asks.

“Just this. Us. If we tried to talk sooner, maybe we could've avoided a lot of things.”

“You wouldn't have listened. I wouldn't have listened either,” Izaya says.

“I know. It had to be this way.” Shizuo hums, and then he moves closer, tossing an arm over Izaya, who tenses up at the contact. “Is this okay?”

“Okay?”

“It doesn't hurt?”

“Oh. No, I mean, it's fine. This is fine.”

Shizuo laughs, moving closer. He inhales Izaya's hair, nuzzles into it.

“For a smart guy, you're an idiot, you know?”

“How so?” Izaya asks, bristling.

“You just are. You're easy to read.”

“I am not!”

“Mm.” Shizuo pulls Izaya closer, and Izaya wills himself to calm down or die, either would be fine at this point. “Tell me, why'd you save my brother?”

“Because I wanted to,” Izaya says, finding there is truth in that answer.

“Okay,” Shizuo murmurs. “That's good enough for me.”

Shizuo's lips press to Izaya's, and Izaya gasps softly, his hands on Shizuo's shoulders.

“I already know why, anyway,” Shizuo says, and Izaya pulls him into another kiss before they can argue.

[dabis-devil]

Nothing Breaks Like a Heart. დ

-; ♡.° [ A/N: ] ୭̥ Okay so this idea just popped into my head and I couldn't not write it. This is my first fic and I really hope it doesn't blow over, let's hope for the best, loves! If Dabi ain't Touya, I'm gonna be a real fool, huh?

-; ♡.° [ Warnings: ] ୭̥ Gn!reader, Swearing, Suggestive content, sO mUcH aNgsT

-; ♡.° [ Summary: ] ୭̥ Everybody knows the infamous villian Dabi, his name spreads fear across the streets of Japan. Many would hate to admit it, but he wasn't always cold and alienated. It all bubbles down to one girl, who left his heart in shambles.

-; ♡.° [ Tag list: ] ୭̥ birthday girl! @queensynderella (👾 here)

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

It was a brisk Friday night, cool air hitting Touya's pale skin. Bandages clothed his forearms, which seemed to be more burnt every time the redhead came to see y/n. These burns inflicted by his quirk hadn't yet damaged his skin to the point of no repair, but it most definitely wasn't perfect. His large hands fumbled with the clasp of the gate to his home, Touya found himself sneaking out to see y/n more often than not. Enji claimed he was hitting the rebellious stage of his adolescence, little did he know that this would become his son's day to day life.

Against his better judgement, Touya was nineteen and still living at home. He had no where else to go, and he had siblings to rescue from their nightmare of a father. He desperately wanted to take shouto from the unfair wrath of their old man, but he was unable to do so. Instead, he would sweep his brother up into a tight hug whenever he mustered the chance. That poor kid, getting tossed around and neglected. His heart went out to young Shouto.

Touya’s figure was clothed in a baggy black tank top with black jeans and a dark zip up hoodie paired with a pair of black boots (you can @ me on this, he was edgy before dabi became dabi). He had his signature nose studs and additional ear piercings at his time too. He was working on getting a job of his own, something to get him money and fast. After that he would move out, hopefully taking his siblings with him.

As of now, y/n is the only rabbit hole he has. The only escape from his everyday terrors. That's why he was walking alone on the streets around twelve a.m., counting down the very minutes until he could reach their address. The lit cigarette hanging from his lip left a trail of smoke in its midst, that could barely be seen even with the midnight glow. His steps were shallow and speedy, hellbent on getting over to y/n’s place. Seeing that beautiful face every night is what brought him joy, and made carrying on each morning that much easier.

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

Y/n was sprawled across their bed, carefree and unalert. Like most teens, they wouldn't go to sleep early. They had training tomorrow with the rest of class 4-A, but couldn't sleep. Not with the thoughts pooled in their head, that they sat to contemplate and overthink. Y/n grew distant to their dear boyfriend, Touya, and the guilt weighed a ton. Though the weight of what news you planned to share with him tonight is a million times heavier.

Y/n’s (e/c) eyes we're glued to their phone screen, set on a picture they had taken with Touya a few short weeks ago. A single tear rolled down their rosy cheeks. ' This is gonna break him. ' they thought. Y/n was pulled away from their thoughts when the glass window beside the desk gently rattled, a certain troubled redhead struggling to crawl through their window sill. Y/n frantically wiped their face before he got the opportunity to see a pinch of sadness in their expression- at least a pinch they didn't want him to notice. “ hey baby. . ” they smiled half heartedly, slipping from their cozy bedframe.

“ hey, princess, ” He smiled geekily. As Touya dusted off his jacket from the greenery and gunk that plagued the material, they pressed their plush lips to his. Truth be told they clung to him for a bit too long that night. In all fairness, this would be the last kiss they got from him.

As much as it pained y/n to do this, Touya Todoroki was bad for them.

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

A little while later, the night had taken y/n. Touya laid with his arms tightly wrapped around their frame, their head atop his clothed chest. He had been falling in and out of sleep as the television played a series- one of their favorites. Y/n on the other hand, couldn't get a wink of rest. Instead, their eyes burned with the sensation to hold back tears. Finally, one spilled over their eyelid. They scrambled to wipe the droplet of moisture away before it soaked through his shirt, not only failing but drawing extra attention to theirself. Touya’s turquoise eyes fluttered open, immediately drawn to y/n. He sat up, in turn pulling them up with him. The fingers of his right hand ended up under their chin, magnetizing his gaze to their own. “ doll, what's wrong? ” he cooed, eyebrows knitted at y/n’s profound sadness.

Y/n did everything in their power to keep their eyes peeled, the only working strategy was simply squeezing them shut. Y/n could no longer hold back the water works, the fluid boiled over and rolled down their pained face. Y/n didn't need eyes to see Touya’s small frown, they could feel it. “ T-Touya. . . ” their breath hitched in the back of their throat. “ we need to talk. ” Y/n’s voice was shakey, and this whole scene was quite frankly uncomfortable considering how out of touch Touya is with his emotions.

Y/n felt Touya stiffen underneath them, and opened their eyes to catch him staring. Turquoise eyes half lidded as usual. He is obviously concerned, one masculine hand rubbing circles into y/n’s back. He kept quiet, giving them the time they need to spit out their burden. “ I. . I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you kill yourself. ”

In more ways than one, Touya had proven destructive. Not only that, but he didn't care. The redheads loving embrace faded, instead it just seemed like a stranger was holding them close. Y/n didn't want to imagine how this made him feel, even worse about how he would pretend to feel. “ I- what? Whad’ya mean? ” Touya scrunched his nose in confusion. “ my quirk? ” the male asked. Sadly he missed the point, and this wouldn't be as simple as they hoped. Maybe he didn't want to accept the truth so soon.

Y/n’s shakey palm met the side of his face, sweeping along his sharp jaw. “ you get high all the time, you don't trust me, you've been so distant these last few weeks. . And when I try to check on you, I get shut down. ” a steady stream of tears now rolled down their cheek. “ I've been thinking about it for a while, Touya. . ” y/n’s choked up sobs filled the room, his silence wavering in their mind. Touya was trying to make sense of the situation, or come up with false feelings. It stung to know that he felt his emotions are invalid. “ I'm so sorry, I just. . I can't baby. ”

Touya was a sitting statue on your bed, his turquoise orbs glued to the sheets. The things you two have done. . The memories. . The plans for the future. . All swirling down the drain. “ I can stop. ” his voice distantly aching with sorrow. his head swiveled towards y/n, giving them all the attention he could. The poor boy was loosing it, just at the possibility of losing the one person that mattered most to him. His anchor

“ I've already tried to get you help. You wouldn't take it. ” y/n frowned softly. “ I can't believe that again. . ” though the last thing they wanted right now was to separate themselves from Touya in his time of need, it was far too much to bare. After all, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

Y/n slowly wiggled out of the redhead's embrace, instead sitting across from him and holding one bandaged hand within their own. Y/n was begging for him to say something, to say anything. Instead, they would gaze at a shell of what used to be Touya.

“ y/n, please- ” the scarred teen pleaded. His expression was something in a sea of despair, yet he couldn't quite express that. He couldn't cry. All he could do was sit across from y/n and hope they could forgive him, hope that he could fix his issues. His chest was heavy, each rise and fall more tense than the last. “ I'm sorry. . Let me fix this. Please. . ? ” frantic words jumbled, something that made y/n pull him into their arms, and rest his head in the crook of their neck. Droplets of clear water fell down their face, seeing him like this was unbearable. It had to be done.

Fingers combed through the boys spiky red hair, his rapid breathing slowed to a calm. Y/n pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “ I love you, but I can't do this anymore. ” their soft whispers were almost tranquil to Touya, despite the underlining meaning. This voice he cherished each night, he just had to hear it a bit more before he made his exit. “ don't forget that, okay? If you're better in the future, maybe we could try this again. ” they reassured, petting his silky locks.

Touya pulled away, head still hung. “ This is. . This is what you want? ” He looked upwards, turquoise orbs burning into y/n’s, hoping for the answer he expected to be wrong.

“ yeah, ” y/n answered under their breath, breaking the precious concentration on his beautiful eyes.

Touya rose from the bed, reaching for his leather jacket and pulling on his boots. Shortly after, heading for the window. The silence was more than just that, it was the lack of an idea on what to do here. Y/n decided to stand up as well, arms crossed over their chest. “ I- uh- ” he cleared his throat, tugging open the window. “ I'll see you around then. ” he managed to catch a last glimpse of the love of his life, before feeding his slim body out of the window. Tears fell from y/n’s face to the floor beneath them. As much as their fragile heart hurt right now, things would get better. It had to.

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

The second Touya’s boots hit the leaves beneath him, one foot sprung in front of the other. He found himself running away from y/n’s home, almost as if his life depended on it. He could barely walk, his head was spinning, chest was tight, and his dressed wounds began to ache. Yet his feet carried him away. He didn't want to go home, the thought of going back with no escape made his skin crawl. The moon above lit the teens path as he aimlessly ran.

The time escaped him, as he wound up on the bad side of town. Rumored to be crooks and thieves around every street corner, and worse beyond that. Fresh out of breath, Touya placed his hands on a wall to catch himself, knees buckling underneath the weight. He slid down the brick wall in the dimmed alleyway, scooping his knees up to his chest. He was alone, a bit scared, and heartbroken. His eyes fell shut, and his head rolled onto his knees. Before he knew it, Touya had passed out, with one thing on his mind: y/n.

[wonkasmissstarshine]

The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch. 5

GIF not mine. Credit goes to owner.

Summary: The last golden ticket has apparently been found, breaking Rose’s heart for Charlie. Harry sees her at work, and makes her an offer. Then, Rose takes Charlie to the shop to get him another Wonka bar, where something rather lucky happens.

Tagging: @holdmeicant​ @willymywonkers​

Rose was dressed in her uniform, ready for her last day of work. But Charlie didn't know that. He knew something was wrong, judging by the sad grin on her face, but he didn't want to push her into telling him anything she didn't want to. The two of them stood in front of the cafe, but before Charlie could part for school, Rose stopped him.

"I have something for you, Charlie" Rose smiled at him. "Well, it's from Mrs Mason" She pulled out the Wonka bar. Charlie's eyes lit up as he took it. He opened it up, but like last time, this bar had no golden ticket. Rose's smile dropped. "Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie"

"It's alright, Rosie" Charlie assured her. "I have the chocolate at least" He split the bar into two, and gave one half to his sister.

"Thank you, Charlie" Rose said as she took the chocolate. "And I think I have a little extra saved up. We'll walk over to the candy shop after school and have one more go at it?"

Charlie nodded. "I'd like that, Rosie" The two siblings hugged each other, before Charlie made his way off to school.

Rose entered the shop, immediately being greeted by Mrs Mason. "Hello, dear. Any luck finding a ticket?"

"Not yet" Rose answered. She went behind the counter as she ate the piece of chocolate Charlie offered her. She even broke off a piece, and gave it to Mrs Mason. "But, I have enough to buy Charlie a bar after school. Maybe his luck still has yet to come"

"You blow on that money before you spend it" Mrs Mason told Rose. "That's what they do in Vegas to the dice, you know. Supposed to give them luck"

******

Rose had nothing to do so she sat a one of the tables reading a newspaper. She came across a page in the paper.

Wonka's Final Golden Ticket. Found in Russia.

Rose could feel her heart break into a million little pieces. What was she going to tell Charlie? She promised that she would find him a golden ticket. And now that promise was broken. And to make things worse, Harry had come into the store, looking more smug than usual.

"Well, well" He started, joining Rose at the table. "Looks like the last ticket was found. And it wasn't found by Charlie"

"You don't need to wave that in my face!" Rose said, getting up from the table.  Harry grabbed her wrist again, preventing her from walking away.

"Rose, please just sit and let me talk" Harry started. Rose wasn't in the mood to fight with him, so she sat down in her seat again, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?"

"It's clear things aren't getting any better. Today is your last day here, and rumour has it that your father has been replaced by a machine at that toothpaste factory. And I know your planning to spend the last of what money you saved up on Charlie" Harry was treading on very thin ice right now, but Rose had to admit that he was right. Things were just going to get worse. Harry took Rose's hands in his, and stroked the back of one of her hands with his thumb. "I'm going to ask you again. Marry me, Rose, and I promise that I will make things better for you and your family. Your family can move in with mine. We have a big house. There's enough room for your parents, grandparents, and Charlie. They'll all have their own rooms. You won't have to live off of cabbage soup anymore. You can have pancake breakfasts and turkey dinners. You just have to agree to be my wife"

******

Charlie came by to the cafe just as Rose's final shift was finished. She said her goodbyes to Mrs Mason before meeting Charlie outside. The two of them grabbed hands before walking down to the candy shop. "Rosie?" Charlie piped up, making his sister look at him. "Are you alright? You're unusually quiet"

"Did you hear about the last ticket?" Rose asked. "It was found in Russia"

Charlie nodded, a disappointed look on his face. "I heard someone reading the paper on my way to school this morning"

"Well, I have this" Rose reached into her pocket and took out the money. "Just because the tickets are gone doesn't mean you can't have some more chocolate"

Charlie's frown turned into a grin. "Thank you, Rosie" The two of them walked for a few more minutes until they came to the candy store. They both walked in and approached the counter. Rose handed the money to Charlie so he could present it to the shopkeep. "One Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight please"

The shopkeep took the money and gave a bar to Charlie. Charlie began opening up the bar just as the woman beside the Bucket's put down the newspaper. Rose glanced at it, and went wide eyed when she saw the headline. It was completely different from the one she saw this morning.

Russian Ticket a Fake. Still One Ticket Left.

"The nerve of some people" the woman said to the shopkeep.

"I know" the shopkeep said. "Forging a ticket, come on!"

Charlie ripped open the wrapper of the bar, revealing a golden ticket inside. "Charlie..." Rose breathed in disbelief, gently grabbing his shoulder. "You found it.."

"It's a golden ticket" the shopkeep said. Everyone in the shop was now looking at the young boy. "You found Wonka's last golden ticket! In my shop too!"

A man approached Charlie. "Listen, I'll buy it from you. I'll give you fifty dollars and a new bicycle"

A woman walked up to Charlie. "Are you crazy? I'll give him five hundred dollars for that ticket!" The woman smiled at Charlie. "Do you want to sell me that ticket for five hundred dollars young man?"

"No, he doesn't!" Rose shouted at the two adults. "That's my brother's ticket!"

"She's right" the shopkeep said. "Don't let anyone have it! You and your sister take it straight home. Do you understand?"

Charlie grinned at the shopkeep. "Thank you!" He then grabbed Rose's hand. The two of them ran like the wind all the way home.

******

"Mom! Dad!" Charlie called out once he and Rose got to the house. "I found it! The last golden ticket! It's mine!" Charlie showed the ticket to Grandpa Joe.

"Yippee!" Grandpa Joe cheered once he got a clear look at it. He jumped out of bed and began dancing. Everyone stared at him in amusement and surprise. "Here!" Grandpa Joe handed the ticket over to Mr and Mrs Bucket. "Read it out loud. Let's see exactly what it says!"

Mr Bucket began reading from the ticket. "Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this golden ticket from Mr Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand. For now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day. I, Willy Wonka, will conduct you around the factory myself showing you everything there is to see.  Afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a possession of large trucks, each one filled with all the chocolate you could ever eat. And remember: One of you lucky five children will receive an extra prize beyond your wildest imagination. Now, here are your instructions. The first of February, you must come to the factory gates at ten am sharp. You're allowed to bring one family member to look after you. Till then, Willy Wonka"

"First of February" Mrs Bucket said.  Her eyes widened when she realized. "That's tomorrow"

"Then there's not a moment to lose, Charlie" Grandpa Joe said. "Wash your face, comb your hair, scrub your hands, brush your teeth, blow your nose!"

"And get that mud off your pants!" Grandpa George added.

"Now we must all try to keep very calm" Mrs Bucket said. "First thing that we have to decide is this. Who is going with Charlie to the factory?"

"Rose will" Grandpa Joe suggested.

"Me?" Rose asked.

"Yes, of course! You want to see the factory as much as Charlie does!" Grandpa Joe reasoned.

"How about you, dear?" Mrs Bucket turned to Mr Bucket. "Don't you think you want to go?"

"Well, Rose does love the factory as much as Charlie does" Mr Bucket said. "Provided, of course, she does want to go"

"No" Charlie said, shocking everyone. "We're not going. A woman offered me five hundred for the ticket. We need the money more than we need the chocolate"

"Charlie," Rose started, getting level with Charlie. "There's plenty of money out there in the world. They print more everyday. However, there's only five tickets in the world and that's all there ever will be. All your life you've dreamed of seeing that factory. Please, don't make a mistake and throw that away. Don't make a mistake like I did today"

Everyone furrowed their eyebrows at Rose. "What are you talking about, sweetheart?" Mr Bucket asked.

"It doesn't matter. What matters right now is that Charlie is going to see the factory tomorrow. Your dreams are coming true"

That seemed to get through Charlie's head. He smiled wide. "Alright, I'll go. And you're going with me, Rosie. After all, you bought me the chocolate"

That's when it hit Rose. She had kept her promise after all. She had promised she would get Charlie a golden ticket, and she did. The two of them hugged. Tomorrow was going to be quite the day for the Bucket siblings.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

The Best Things ~ J.V. (Part 6)

A/n: Things boutta get bad so like... I'm sorry. Practically nothing but angst this part won't lie. Side note: I know I don't actually have a lot of Jerome x reader content yet, but I wanted to show the reader's descent into madness before they're officially a thing. I promise you it's coming, and very soon :)

Word Count: 4300+

Playlist

MASTERLIST

Y/n shot to his feet, only for the guards behind him to draw their guns. Alfred held up a hand. "Is he alive?" Y/n demanded. He might have lost his mind just a tad, but Bruce was still one of the very few things Y/n Wayne cared about and no one was about to put that boy in danger.

"Yes," Alfred soothed. "I said he WAS kidnapped. We have him back now." Y/n calmed and Alfred seemed to almost smile, as if seeing the amount Y/n cared was very reassuring. That tracked. "He's been brainwashed or something though, and I've gotten special permission from Commissioner Bullock himself to let you out to help me bring him back. If we play this right, we might even get you released permanently. We can figure this whole thing out. You can come back to us. We can be a family again." Y/n thought about that. Seeing Bruce again. His brother meant everything to him. He cared about Alfred too, honestly. The man had been a good father figure to both of them, and a good friend even when their father was alive. Y/n would have a real home, without killing or chaos. He'd be working for the good guys.

Right?

He thought about that word. Good guys. Cops were supposed to be good guys, weren't they? But he'd gotten locked up in Arkham just for being associated with Jerome, and then gotten the shit kicked out of him when he'd simply been himself. He hadn't killed anyone, or hurt anyone. He'd shown affection to another man and had nearly gotten beat to death for it. He'd leave Arkham, the only place he'd ever really been accepted for being gay. Maybe not by that one guard, but everyone else seemed to not care since no one cared about him at all, except maybe Jerome. Oh god Jerome. Y/n would have to leave him. And Harleen as well. The new friend who really got him and had his back the best she could in a place where her words practically had as much affect as Y/n's did. He had a boyfriend and a potential best friend and room to be free... except that he wasn't free.

Why was this so hard?

"Y/n," Alfred interrupted, eyes wide and pleading. "Bruce needs you."

The last time Alfred had said that, Bruce had just witnessed their parents' murders. Y/n pushed down the boy he used to be that was fighting to resurface, trying to find at least a. Middle between then and now. They were so different... there was suddenly a battle again himself, and he was losing.

Finally, he just shut it all down. Everything else could wait for another time. "When can we leave?" Alfred smiled at his words, but Y/n suddenly had a terrible feeling in his gut. Why did he get the sense that everything was about to get really, really bad again?

-

"Penguins alive?" Y/n relaxed in relief.

Alfred frowned. "Yeah. Um-" He swallowed. "You've kind of really been involved with all the worst people recently, eh?"

Y/n actually scoffed at that, his lips curling in amusement. "I've met far worse people than Oswald, Alfred." He looked the butler in the face. "You might not like to hear this, but that redhead everyone in town hates so much? He wasn't the one who did this to me." Y/n motioned to his own face. "But the officer who did, did it for no other reason than because I'm gay." He let that settle for a second. Alfred seemed shaken a bit. It seemed to finally be dawning on him just what Y/n had been going through since his parents had died. "Now, enough about me." They'd finally pulled up to the GCPD building. "Let's get inside. Like you said: Bruce needs us."

Y/n had been required to be handcuffed, though he hadn't been put in a straight jacket and had been allowed to change into normal clothes as not to upset Bruce upon seeing him. He was still beat up pretty badly though, and had developed a limp as the adrenaline wore off and as his beating really sunk in. Alfred had to keep him handcuffed as they walked in, and the whole place went quite. It was becoming a habit that Y/n could walk into any room and immediately bring silence with him as he did so. All of Gotham had gotten to the point that they couldn't exactly make an opinion on Y/n Wayne. How did someone like him get born into a family like he had been, and turn out like this?

Gay and insane.

It had been in the newspaper. Someone, somewhere had gotten hold of the news that Y/n Wayne was gay and it had been released everywhere. Y/n had read the article a while ago. It's what had prompted Jerome to finally be more affectionate around other inmates, instead of just at night when they were in their cell together. People might give Y/n shit for being into dudes, but no one was going to mess with Jerome. He'd put his neck out for Y/n... It was becoming clear that few others would do the same. Maybe it was the insanity.

Y/n was brought to a room that was a different color than the walls at Arkham. The color outside had been overwhelming after seeing muted versions from a distance through windows that now, the dull color was kind of refreshing. Inside the room was Bruce, but he looked different. Y/n couldn't imagine the last time his younger brother had worn a turtle neck. His father used to try to get the boys to wear them all the time, but, especially in their youth, the boys had hated them and eventually their father had given up. Bruce hadn't worn one since they were both seven, when he used to just do whatever their dad told him to. And since when did he wear anything other than dark blue or black? Y/n found all his usual jokes about Bruce being a casual emo slip from his mind. He didn't know how to approach this new boy. He didn't know him.

To be fair, Bruce didn't really know him either.

"Hello, brother," Y/n greeted, unsure of how to go about this after all that stood between them.

Bruce narrowed his eyes. "Why are you here?"

Y/n sat down, scooting over as Alfred joined him with a second chair. "Just checking in," Y/n responded slowly. "Alfred told me about what happened. Getting kidnapped. Been there, it's not too fun."

Bruce rolled his eyes."You got kidnapped by a brainless psychopath. I got taken by someone who was trying to help me."

Y/n scoffed. "Help you? Bruce look at you. You're not yourself."

"I'm better," Bruce shot back. Y/n went quiet at that, looking at Alfred with raised eyebrows.

Alfred ignored the look. "Now we can talk all day, but what really matters is that you tell me what you meant when you said someone else was coming to Gotham. I thought that old fellow was the leader of the Council of the Owls, who else would be coming?"

An expression rested on Bruce's face. Far too complacent and calm. The Bruce Y/n was familiar with had the tendency to brood- this Bruce seemed to have no tendencies at all. No cares or anything. It was disturbing to say the least. "I want you both to leave."

"Well that ain't gonna happen, is it mate?" Alfred immediately matched. The butler crossed his arms. "You can't get rid of either of us that easy. Your brother here found time around being locked up to be here for you. Not much is getting us out of here."

"Especially with the city in chaos," Y/n cut in. "Not even your pals in the GCPD will be here to drag us away. Might as well end it now."

When Bruce didn't respond, Alfred leaned forward. "You have to remember who you are."

That seemed to set Bruce off. "I know who I am." Y/n scoffed. "I have a destiny," the younger boy continued, his volume raising as Y/n's mocking noise irritated him.

"Now you listen to me." Alfred had gotten very quiet. "That man that wanted you to detonate that bomb, whatever he promised you- freedom from pain, power - none of it, none of it was real. I want you to remember what is real."

"I know what's real!" Bruce yelled over the end of Alfred's sentence. Y/n tried not to smile. He really did. Bruce glowered as his older brother grinned at him. Mocked him. "You come in here and mock me? You're the crazy one. Don't you dare laugh at me like I'm the one who's lost my mind! I got vengeance for our parents' murder. That's real, and better than running around like an idiot with a lunatic murder!"

"You know NOTHING about lunacy," Y/n interrupted. "I've seen crazy. I've seen grown men beat on teenage boys and call it power. I've seen cops chase bad guys to predictable set ups and act like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world. I've seen so called heroes save to be said innocent people, and then those evil little shits turn on those same heroes the first chance they get. I've seen love get ignored and then twisted. I've seen people laugh at pain and enjoy the suffering of others and then call themselves sane because that person who was dying was a bad guy, so who cares, right? I've seen people define good and bad like it's a dictionary entry and then immediately break the rules they lay down and still try to pass off as the victim of the story. THAT was real Bruce." Alfred put a hand on Y/n's shoulder, and it was only then when he realized he was crying. "I've seen stories about how evil and corrupt men are and how much women are victims, and then looked at Gotham and seen women in charge while I, a child, was raped by a woman again and again who was only using me for power." He cleared his throat. "Not to say that other people don't suffer, I just mean that everything is a grey area. What's real is bullshit and what's fake is seemingly the most honest option of those presented. Not everything is as clear as it pretends to be, Bruce. I'm supposed to be the crazy one. I was supposed to be the one who failed. I was supposed to be the screw up, but we're both in handcuffs and you were the one who was trying to ruin the lives of thousands of people just minding their own business. What was my crime, huh? Trying to be happy? Trying to be true to myself?" Y/n scoffed. "If only mom and dad could see you now."

"YOU SHUT UP!" Bruce screeched.

"Both of you calm down," Alfred snapped. "I was there when your parents had both of you. I took care of your mum and was there as you grew up. You used to be inseparable. No matter what anyone else did or said or thought, the Wayne brothers always had each others' backs. Good and bad is clear. Everyone is capable of it. Everyone does it. No one is innocent of evil, even in small amounts. Both of you have been idiots." He took a breath. "But you're also both my idiots." He looked between the two boys. "You're both my boys, even if I haven't been there for both of you." He looked at Y/n as he said that. "You want to talk about what's real? What's good?" He looked at bruce. "What's real is when you were sick as a kid, and your mum used to sit up with you every night and read to you when you fell asleep. That's real. Or when you were seven and you took that rowboat out and you got lost in that storm. Me and your dad were out, shouting and screaming, losing our minds, and when your dad found you, how he cried. That's real." He looked at Y/n. "When you were twelve and you came to your parents in tears because you couldn't understand why all the girls your age were talking about kissing you and you couldn't stop thinking about kissing the other boys. Your mum calmed you down and your dad told me that no matter what, they'd love you and you thought I didn't know but I did- all this time, I knew." Y/n felt his chest tighten. He felt terrible. "That was good, Y/n." Alfred gripping Y/n's shoulder. "When everyone came to your dad talking bad about you and they thought he'd laugh along, but he put an end to it immediately because you were still his son and he loved you. He was proud of you. When the news people came after you for secrets and they were nosey and pushy. When they crowded and stalked you because they'd caught wind that you had a dark secret and everyone wanted to know what the oldest Wayne son failure was hiding, and your dad nearly lost his mind on all of them, if your mum hadn't stepped in and stopped it cordially. THAT. Was. Good." Alfred returned to looking at Bruce, keeping his hand on Y/n's shoulder. "Your parents died in that alley four years ago, and maybe that man took away the pain of that night." This time he looked between the two boys. "Life has been hard since then, but there is no life, no love, without pain." He squeezed Y/n's shoulder and when the boy nodded, he returned his attention to Bruce. Bruce was the main focus right now, but Y/n had gotten the message. "He could not take away the love that your mum and dad gave you, that you still have in you- that you still have-" his voice broke as he reached over, pressing his hand against Bruce's chest, right over where his heart would be. "Right here." His hand finally dropped after a pause as he continued, "The same love I have for you. For both of you." His face flecked with. "I love you, Maser Bruce. Master Y/n. I would do anything for you. I would die for you. You must-" he cut off, focusing on Bruce. Y/n kept thinking Alfred was done focusing on him, but then Alfred would look at him again, and he hadn't felt so cared for or looked after since his parents had died. It all felt silly now... "You have to find that love again."

Every word hit home. Alfred was speaking to Bruce, but it was becoming more and more obvious that he was talking to Y/n too. Y/n reached over, his hand resting over Bruce's. "We both have to," he whispered softly. "You don't have to do it alone. I know it's been hard and chaotic, but I'm still your brother, Bruce. You're still my brother. And no matter what, you always have me."

Alfred leaned forward. "Come back to us, Master Bruce." There was a commotion outside and Alfred sighed before telling Y/n, "I'll be right back," and then leaving.

Bruce looked to his brother. "Did you mean what you said? I can depend on you?" Y/n nodded immediately. "Then get me out of here." Y/n went to argue but Bruce interrupted. "You can come with me and make sure I'm safe. But I HAVE to do this. I need to finish it. I need to see it through. I need to know if this really is my destiny. I need to understand-" he cut off, choked with emotion. But Y/n knew what he meant. The same thing that had driven him to follow Jerome Valeska of all people. That had gotten him to follow Penguin and ditch his family to begin with. There are just some things you have to do. So Y/n looked around, found a pen, and Bruce pick the locks on both of their cuffs before they booked it, side by side and headed for... something. Bruce hadn't cued Y/n into the plan this far.

In all honesty, it was just nice being by Bruce's side again.

They made their way through the city streets of Gotham at night until they got to a red door with the word "Yuyan" on the front. Bruce went in. Y/n followed. Inside was the statue of what looked like some kind of demon. There was a lot going on. Bruce didn't hesitate- he stepped up and began analyzing it. Y/n was still taking it in when he pulled something and the wall opened up, revealing a hidden passage. The brothers went inside, Bruce having to take Y/n's hand to get the older boy to follow him now.

The two walked down a staircase and through a tunnel. It seemed eery. Weirdly light and far too silent and empty. When people appeared, Y/n regretted his lament about there not being anyone around- they immediately attacked him. "No." Bruce said firmly. They stopped. Y/n looked at his brother with shock. Bruce's expression remained calm. Y/n's would be attackers simply pointed Bruce onward, making way for him to follow their direction.

Y/n hadn't been this scared in a long time. Surely he wasn't in danger. This was Bruce he was talking about. Golden Boy Bruce Wayne who used to cry when they were really little and Y/n would step on a bug. Who shut down after their parents died because he loved them so much that seeing their murder changed him... except that his heart of gold kept him from corrupting like Y/n had. He was driven by justice and refused to let up until evil was destroyed. Bruce Wayne was a hero.

And yet, when Y/n looked at the back of Bruce's head now, he didn't see his younger brother. He saw a man in a child's body. He saw a straight back that was well trained and perfectly postured. He saw clothes Bruce would never wear and a silence Bruce would prefer not to bear, especially with Y/n around to talk his ear off. He saw Bruce leading them down a tunnel of doom, being completely docile after someone tried to kill him. After he almost poisoned maybe hundreds of people with just the press of a button. After, of all people, he had chosen some random old dude weirdo over Alfred and almost killed one of two family members he still had left.

Very suddenly, Y/n realized that he hadn't realized how bad Bruce was. How dumb it was to follow after him right now. And he was more scared than he'd ever been. More scared than even when he looked in the face of a cold blooded, sadistic murderer who had completely lost his mind and only saw an endless world of things to fascinate him. More scared when the doors would close and all he saw was red lips curled in a devious smile as the one person he trusted the most took advantage of him. More scared than when that stupid guard had locked him in that room and he had really thought he was going to get beaten to death for being gay.

Bruce pushed two double doors open with each hand. They creaked as they opened slowly, revealing a room with a green pool in the middle. Bruce leaned over and Y/n stepped forward, reaching out to stop him. Then he felt a pain at the back of his head and everything went black.

-

Y/n woke up alone.

It was dark, but it only took him a few seconds to remember everything and realize where he was. He looked around- the pool was still there. Otherwise, the room was empty. Y/n groaned as he sat up, looking around again for signs of those people that had attacked him earlier. When he still saw no one, he stood and began walking back the way he'd come. It was even scarier now that he was alone. "Bruce?" He whispered into the empty hallway. He jumped at every noise, resulting in him eventually misstepping and tripping. He would have face planted if his scrambling abilities hadn't improved recently due to all the running away from cops and other crazies alike in his days by Oswald's side. Thankfully he didn't fall because, as he was noticing while trying to get his feet under him, there was blood on the floor.

Oh my god there was blood on the floor.

He sucked in a breath, beginning to look around again. "BRUCE?" His heart picked up and he felt the back of his eyes burning with tears. "Bru-" his shoulder hit a wall and he screamed. Shaking his head to calm himself, he pressed his lips together and retraced his path that he'd taken with Bruce to get in here. Eventually it lead him outside. Weirdly enough, the wall was open again. Which meant that he didn't have to figure out how this side of the trick worked... but it also meant he wasn't alone.

The night air outside was cool, the sun rising in the distance. He looked down at himself- he was filthy. He took a second to think. To remember. The last thing that had been clear to him was that he was absolutely terrified of Bruce.

That's right. Bruce wasn't... right anymore. Well, that meant he couldn't go home. He also couldn't just walk back into Arkham. They might think he'd done something if he came back, dirty and hysterical, without Alfred. So he went to the GCPD department instead, because where the else was he going to go?

He was inside for maybe a second before he saw a familiar face. His eyes went wide and his heart nearly stopped- in his vulnerable state, of course it would be the guard that almost beat him to death that would be there to greet him. The man smirked, tilting his head. "There you are. We were wondering when you'd find your way back." He approached the teenage boy, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Someone else approached. Y/n almost melted in relief to see Harvey Bullock. "What's going on here?" His eyes laded on Y/n. "What... I thought you were in Arkham."

"He was," the officer responded. Y/n had already forgotten his name from when Harleen had said it before. "Alfred Pennyworth came and got him out for the day. Needed him for some Wayne business. I'll be taking him back now."

Harvey looked confused by that. "Why? We were already debating letting him go. Now he's out, there's no reason to immediately put him back in." The guard seemed horrified by that idea. Harvey put his hands on his waist. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"Do you know what this boy is?" Y/n's heart sunk. "He's a homosexual."

Harvey's eyebrows rose. At first Y/n thought it was in surprise, but then he said, "So what?"

The guard looked stunned. "He needs help, Bullock. He was canoodling with Jerome Valeska in Arkham. In public. Like there's nothing wrong with that."

Now Harvey was surprised. Y/n swallowed his emotions and met the older cop's gaze evenly, sticking his chin up. Harvey sighed. Y/n didn't even have to say anything- the old man just seemed to... immediately understand. "He turned to someone who accepted him in a world of people who hate him." It was Y/n's turn to be surprised. "That's not punishable."

The guard scoffed. "Son, have you ever killed anyone before?" Y/n looked away. He thought about the first time he'd ever killed someone, and then thought about all the many times after that he'd done it himself or helped. Another experience he'd picked up while hanging with Oswald. "The thing won't even deny it. And he's proud to be with that redheaded psycho. There's something wrong with him, Commissioner. He needs to be detained and get some help."

Harvey and Y/n both knew that was not the reason the guard wanted Y/n back in Arkham. The two men looked at each other, both put down at the fact that they couldn't stop anything happening. Maybe Y/n should have lied. Maybe he should be fighting. Unfortunately, he'd just lost his little brother and he had no idea what kind of shape Alfred was in. Currently, he had to assume that Alfred was either dead or would be soon, if Bruce could help it.

The guard tugged Y/n's arm and they were headed back outside toward his car. "Thought you were gonna get away from me that easily, did you?" The guard growled under his breath, leaning close to Y/n so the Wayne boy would be the only one to hear. "I finally have a reason to get at you, you little shit. Things are only gonna get worse for you from here. Now I can say you've killed people. No one will stop me from knocking you now."

Y/n looked at the city one more time before he was shoved into the car. The guard pulled out a pair of cuffs and put him in them. He looked at the city the whole time. The entire ride, he took in every inch of it. Every dirty corner. Every dirty human. Every inch of the buildings- no matter how close, far, tall or small they were. If he could see it, he took it in as much as he could. Above everything else, he took in the sunrise.

Maybe it was the fact that Y/n might never see it again outside of Arkham, but it wasn't overwhelming this time.

It was beautiful.